#deep learning image analytics

[worldpharmatoday]

Qureight and Avalyn Pharma partner to advance pulmonary fibrosis treatment with deep-learning image analytics, shaping pharmaceutical market trends.

[danibeanie]

Astro notes :P

hi these are just my personal observations! :)

-I noticed that virgo placements are more inclined to smoke weed and I think it's because they're always anxious, so they need something to chillax them.🥲

-virgo placements are natural helpers their analytical energy is sometimes positive in this sense.

-if anyone's mars falls into your 12th house be WARY of these people because they're more likely to project their anger onto you. (12th house is hidden enemies & mars is anger, coming from personal experience)

-Im obsessed with scorpio risings (coming from a taurus rising) They're the realest people I've ever met and every single one of them has gone through their trials and tribulations, but they always come out on top in the end :,)

-ALSO their eyes tell a story like very deeeeep

-gemini placements are always willing to learn anything whenever and wherever! which is why they become bored easily, they're always intrigued which is something I love about us.

-this is so stereotypical but capricorns are really workaholics like it's okay to take a break y'all lmao.

-another observation is that any authority figure that I've had has a capricorn placement, wether that be moon, sun, or mars. they naturally have that discipline and ambition which is noticed.

-If someone has a case of rbf (resting b**** face) they more than likely have an aries placement in their big three OR chart ruler. my bestie has a aries stellium and people always thinks she's mad, but she's literally chillin.

-taurus energy is hard to go unnoticed ESPECIALLY in the big three. You can have the most extroverted sign or stellium, but you'll always feel that earthy, rooted, in nature presence somewhere.

-also if you see someone with a prominent style or just a great fashion sense , more than likely they got prominent taurus in their chart. *taurus is ruled by venus after all!*

-cancer moons are very affected by outside energies which is why they're so emotional and sensitive. the crab is very representative of their outside demeanor=guarded which unintentionally makes them perceived as mystical. (in reality we just don't wanna get hurt LMAO)

-one thing about cancer moons is that if you f with them be ready to be left in the cold forever. these people give you their all and if you take that for granted they'll act as if they never knew you.

-leos confidence doesn't have to be loud it's just there... like you can feel it and that's what makes them stand out. they know they the shi LOL

-libra woman really have that hourglass figure like it can be venus, moon, or mars, or sun. The funny thing is that libras image is the balanced scales which makes sense. they don't even have to have a hourglass fig they just naturally have a pretty figure, glamour vibes.

-sag moons are a breath of fresh air like you just wanna have fun and travel. very easy going energy

-sag venus men are SO into anyone they really don't have a type, more into exotic people or someone unique or different than their culture.

-aqua moons are so interesting to me because they come off as disinterested or very vague? lmao I don't know how to explain it but most of the aqua moons I've encountered have a neptune conjunction which is prob why I can't read them. 😭

-I do believe that aqua moons are deep in thought tho.(very interesting people)

pisces placements are on par with gemini placements when it comes to adapting to energies and environments. they're both mutuable signs but with pisces they're elusive and sort of passive meanwhile gemini elusiveness is more outward/blunt because of the mercury influence.

[fayelero]

ⓘ 01. JUST FOR SCIENCE !

⤷ SMUT ﹫ nerd!tsukishima kei x fem!reader ﹫ mdni ﹫ university au!

⚠︎ mdni, (kinda rough?) fingering, dirty talk kinda, p with plot, established relationship .ᐟ.ᐟ

it was a req! but I weirdly couldn’t answer it so, here!!

Tsukishima had been deep in a study session at the university library when you sent the message. He almost didn’t check it��his phone buzzed against the table, and he rolled his eyes before flipping it over lazily. The preview alone made his entire body lock up:

“Babe I saw this vid and thought of u. Try it on me later?”

Attached was a screenshot from a TikTok that screamed chaos. It featured some guy, dead serious, explaining how to make a girl squirt—his voice flat, instructional: _“Press down right here on her lower stomach, tense your fingers hard, and shake—_like actually shake—if you do it right, she’ll flood.”

Tsukishima had paused, blinked once. Then again.

And again.

Of course you would send something like that.

He’d cleared his throat and tilted his screen away from Yamaguchi, who was mid-rant about some biochem professor being a demon in human form. Kei pretended to nod along, face schooled into neutrality, but his ears burned red hot. He tried to shove the image out of his mind—your voice asking him to try it on you, the mental picture of your thighs trembling under his hand, your face twisted in overwhelmed pleasure.

God, he was not going to survive the rest of this class.

⸻

By the time he got back to the apartment, his brain was a mess of formulas, suppressed hard-ons, and way too many tabs open on his laptop—half were lecture notes, the rest were very, very specific Reddit threads.

The place was dim and warm when he walked in, the lights low, the curtains drawn. You were already there, stretched out on his bed in nothing but one of his hoodies, scrolling your phone like you hadn’t just ruined him in the middle of a public academic setting.

He dropped his bag and closed the door behind him with a soft click.

You didn’t look up. “Learn anything in class today?”

Kei kicked off his shoes and stalked over. “Mm. Something like that.”

You smirked but barely had time to react before he was over you—knees pressing into the mattress, one hand bracing beside your head, the other pushing your thighs apart with no preamble. He didn’t even kiss you first. He just looked at you with a sharp, unreadable gaze and murmured, “Still want me to try it?”

You blinked. “Try wha—oh.”

Then it hit. You swallowed.

He leaned down and kissed the side of your neck, slowly. “Don’t get shy now. You asked for this, didn’t you?” His voice was low and lazy, but his fingers already curled into the waistband of your panties, tugging them down. “Sent me fucking tutorials in public.”

You let out a breathy laugh. “You liked it.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m letting it slide.” He ghosted his knuckles along your inner thigh. “You made me sit through a 90-minute lecture with a hard-on. You’re paying for that.”

Your stomach flipped. You spread your legs a little wider, feeling heat pulse through your core. He sat back and took in the sight like he was memorizing it—your body under him, already flushed and open.

Tsukishima rolled his sleeves up. “Let’s be clear—this is science.”

You snorted. “Science, huh?”

“I’m testing a hypothesis,” he said, dry. “Let’s see if your little video was telling the truth.”

⸻

He was careful at first—methodical. It was annoyingly hot how analytical he got about it.

Two fingers in, slow. A curl. A press.

He watched your face like he was taking notes in his head.

“That it?” he asked. “Right there?”

You gasped, hips twitching. “Yes—yes, that’s it—”

His glasses slid a little down his nose as he adjusted, leaning forward for better leverage. His fingers pressed deeper, and this time he added pressure with the heel of his hand to your pelvis. You cried out, thighs tensing.

“Okay,” he muttered more to himself. “Now… tense up the forearm…”

You could feel it—his entire arm stiffening. Then his fingers shook, a small, fast motion inside you that felt like a jolt of electricity.

You arched, moaning, nails digging into his wrist. “Kei—!”

“There it is,” he said softly, like he’d just discovered a new species.

He kept going, movements precise but brutal, and you were unraveling fast. He pressed down harder, rubbed exactly where you needed it from inside, and when your stomach jumped under his palm, he glanced up with a smirk.

“Feel that?” he murmured. “That tension right here—that’s your bladder shifting. But don’t worry. You’re not going to piss yourself.”

“Wh—what—?”

He was still talking. “Squirting is basically a form of female ejaculation—it’s expelled from the urethra, but chemically, it’s not urine. The Skene’s glands—sometimes called the female prostate—produce a fluid when stimulated—”

“Kei—!” you gasped.

“—and when the anterior wall of the vagina is stimulated enough, like this—” he curled his fingers harder, grinding them into that spot again, “—it builds pressure until the pelvic floor releases.”

You were close. Too close.

“I—I think I’m gonna—wait—I don’t know if—”

He didn’t stop. “It’s fine. Let it go. It’s just your body responding to stimuli—completely natural, really. Biomechanics at its best—”

You slammed a hand over your face, panting. “K-kei, just shut up—!”

He laughed, dark and low. “Oh? You want me to stop being educational while you soak my bed?”

“I’m serious—!” your voice cracked, and then your body tensed, thighs shaking, muscles locking up so hard you thought you might explode.

Then—

It hit. Hard.

A sudden rush, a high-pitched cry ripped from your throat as your body convulsed, hips jerking up against his hand. You felt warmth, wetness, everything crashing down in an overwhelming wave. Your legs refused to stop twitching.

You lay there gasping, limp, soaked, and stunned.

Kei pulled his fingers out slow, slick and glistening. His face was flushed, his glasses slightly fogged. He looked at his hand like a scientist who just cracked open a star.

“Huh,” he said calmly. “It worked.”

You swatted him weakly. “I can’t believe you talked through the whole thing.”

He smirked. “It helped, didn’t it?”

You groaned. “You’re the worst.”

He leaned in, pressed a kiss to your jaw. “And yet you still squirted all over my sheets.”

You rolled onto your side, completely boneless. “Shut up and take your pants off.”

He stripped in record time.

a/n : im sorry if its not good, i just can’t write for tsukishima, i find myself struggling to write for a character i don’t really like. (no hate!) so pls don’t ask me for tsukishima again cuz i lowkey think its bad :(

[kleopatra45]

Asteroid Pallas (2)

Asteroid Pallas (2) in astrology symbolizes strategic intelligence, problem-solving skills, and wisdom. Its placement in a birth chart indicates how one approaches challenges with foresight and analytical thinking. Pallas represents the ability to devise effective plans, negotiate, and find creative solutions. Understanding Pallas' position provides insights into one's strategic strengths, decision-making style, and leadership potential in various areas of life.

Pallas in the Houses

Pallas in the 1st House: This placement suggests that strategic thinking and problem-solving are integral to your identity and self-expression. You may approach life with a sense of strategy and foresight, and others may see you as someone who is wise and insightful. Pallas in the 2nd House: Values, resources, and personal possessions are important themes in your strategic approach. You may apply your intelligence and problem-solving skills to financial matters or to enhance your sense of security and stability. Pallas in the 3rd House: Communication, learning, and intellectual pursuits are emphasized in your strategic thinking. You may excel in fields that require logical analysis and clear communication. Siblings and neighbors may play a role in your strategic plans. Pallas in the 4th House: Family, home, and emotional security are central to your strategic approach. You may apply your intelligence to create a harmonious home environment or to resolve family conflicts. Real estate and property matters may interest you strategically. Pallas in the 5th House: Creativity, self-expression, and children (if applicable) are emphasized in your strategic endeavors. You may approach creative projects or hobbies with a sense of planning and purpose. Romantic relationships may involve strategic thinking and problem-solving. Pallas in the 6th House: Service, routines, and health are integral to your strategic approach. You may excel in organizing and optimizing daily tasks or in fields related to health and well-being. Your work environment may benefit from your strategic insights. Pallas in the 7th House: Partnerships, relationships, and collaborations are key areas of strategic focus for you. You may excel in negotiating and finding solutions that benefit both parties. Legal matters and contracts may interest you strategically. Pallas in the 8th House: Intimacy, shared resources, and transformation play significant roles in your strategic thinking. You may apply your intelligence to delve into deep psychological insights or to manage shared financial matters effectively. Crisis management may be an area of strength. Pallas in the 9th House: Philosophy, beliefs, and higher learning influence your strategic approach. You may excel in fields related to teaching, law, or philosophy, where strategic thinking and broad perspectives are valued. Travel and cultural exchanges may interest you strategically. Pallas in the 10th House: Career, public image, and achievements are important in how you express strategic qualities. You may apply your intelligence to leadership roles, long-term goals, or projects that enhance your professional reputation. Strategic planning may drive your career success. Pallas in the 11th House: Friendships, groups, and social causes are emphasized in your strategic endeavors. You may excel in organizing collective efforts, advocating for social justice, or leading community initiatives. Networking may be a strategic strength. Pallas in the 12th House: Spirituality, hidden strengths, and unconscious patterns influence your strategic thinking. You may apply your intelligence to explore metaphysical realms, psychoanalysis, or charitable endeavors behind the scenes. Healing and spiritual growth may be strategic goals.

Pallas in the Signs

Aries: Pallas in Aries strategizes with courage, initiative, and independence. You approach challenges with a direct and assertive style, often pioneering new paths and solutions. Taurus: Pallas in Taurus strategizes with patience, persistence, and practicality. You excel in planning for long-term stability and security, applying a methodical approach to achieve tangible results. Gemini: Pallas in Gemini strategizes with versatility, curiosity, and adaptability. You thrive on gathering information, brainstorming ideas, and finding innovative solutions through communication and networking. Cancer: Pallas in Cancer strategizes with empathy, intuition, and nurturing care. You excel in understanding emotional dynamics, nurturing relationships, and creating secure foundations for growth. Leo: Pallas in Leo strategizes with creativity, confidence, and leadership. You approach challenges with a bold and charismatic style, focusing on inspiring others and achieving recognition. Virgo: Pallas in Virgo strategizes with precision, analysis, and practical problem-solving. You excel in detail-oriented planning, organization, and implementing efficient strategies for improvement. Libra: Pallas in Libra strategizes with diplomacy, balance, and fairness. You excel in negotiating agreements, promoting harmony, and finding win-win solutions in partnerships and collaborations. Scorpio: Pallas in Scorpio strategizes with depth, insight, and transformative power. You approach challenges with strategic intensity, delving into hidden truths and leveraging psychological insights. Sagittarius: Pallas in Sagittarius strategizes with optimism, exploration, and philosophical insight. You excel in strategic planning that broadens horizons, promotes growth, and aligns with ethical principles. Capricorn: Pallas in Capricorn strategizes with ambition, discipline, and long-term vision. You excel in strategic planning that emphasizes responsibility, achievement, and building enduring structures. Aquarius: Pallas in Aquarius strategizes with innovation, humanitarianism, and progressive thinking. You excel in strategic planning that fosters social change, embraces diversity, and promotes collective goals. Pisces: Pallas in Pisces strategizes with compassion, imagination, and spiritual insight. You approach challenges with a strategic focus on healing, creativity, and transcending boundaries.

Pallas in Aspects

Conjunctions: A conjunction of Pallas with another planet intensifies the influence of that planet on your strategic thinking and problem-solving abilities. For example, Pallas conjunct Mercury emphasizes strategic thinking in communication and decision-making, while Pallas conjunct Mars highlights strategic actions and assertiveness. Sextiles and Trines: These harmonious aspects indicate ease and support in integrating the energies of Pallas and the other planet involved. For example, Pallas sextile Venus suggests strategic planning that enhances relationships and creative pursuits, while Pallas trine Jupiter indicates strategic growth and expansion through optimism and opportunity. Squares and Oppositions: These challenging aspects can indicate tension or conflict that needs to be addressed in strategic planning and problem-solving. For example, Pallas square Saturn might indicate challenges in implementing long-term strategies or facing limitations, while Pallas opposition Uranus could highlight a need to balance innovative thinking with practical considerations.

©️kleopatra45

[suniverseastro]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATION #14

Mars in the 2nd house is very possessive

Moon Aquarius is easy to sympathize with those around, although they may have many bad qualities, they will often be ignored by people because of their support in the team. Some in this group when they don't like someone and hate openly can easily recognize their feelings, these people can play bad tricks like using crowds, councils to bully

Here are some of the positions that I don't like very much, doesn't mean they will all be the same and I hate everyone with this aspect, it just brings some difficulties and disadvantages, takes a lot of time time to recognize and transform it:

1. Moon Square/Opposite Pluto: often emotionally volatile and explosive, has difficulty controlling anger, may experience more bad luck with women

2. Moon square / Opposite Uranus: actually this is one of the most horrible corners for me because as far as I know and actually it means about their separation from the mother physically or mentally

3. Venus square/opposite Mars: causes sexual attraction but often changes partners too quickly and gets nowhere

4. Mars Libra: passive in problem solving. The house in this position plays an important role, like the one who moves the pieces tactically. I think it is necessary to add other angles to strengthen this position, especially Pluto to increase ambition and determination.

5. Venus Gemini: often emotional, easy to play emotional roller coaster with others, unpredictable, interesting, but for me this is not a very good position in love, they easily find it difficult. hard to find the right person

6. Moon square/Opposite Saturn: often encounters problems in childhood such as abandonment, working in a difficult, deprived environment, shouldering responsibility, loneliness; They have quite a lot of psychological damage, rarely share, confide, and find it difficult to open their hearts to others. When they learn to be less strict with themselves and learn to accept and love themselves, the door in their souls will lead them to the good things that are waiting for them on the other side of their hearts.

7. Venus square/opposite Uranus: feel less interested in wanting a relationship Some positions I like:

Moon trine/sextile Pluto: I once wished to have this aspect because it gives the ability to read other people's psyches and understand emotions deeply and they themselves also have a protective covering for their minds. mine

Sun trine/sextile Pluto: have their own privilege in society, they can be people whose image others consider as an authority and important figure, admire; Their passion is strong and they will try to do it

Mercury conjunct/ trine/ sextile Neptune: they have acumen, speciality and development in language, can know 2 or more languages, have artistic abilities, their voices are quite cute

Venus trine/sextile Mars: they easily radiate sexual attraction to other people (regardless of gender), which makes it easier for them to have relationships

Ascendant trine/sextile/conjunct Mercury: usually curious, cheerful, child-like eager people, they often have an active, playful appearance.

Ascendant trine/sextile/conjunct Sun: confident, shine, positive energy

Moon in Sagittarius/9th: very active, cheerful, likable, open and optimistic, they respect others and different cultures and religions

Mercury in Gemini: funny people, lots of topics to talk to, easy to talk to anyone, except people they don't like

Mercury conjunct/trine/sextile Pluto: their voice has charm, weight, usually straight to the point, analytical, inquisitive and rarely afraid of knowledge and reason

Moon sextile Venus: cute girls and boys, graceful words, pleasant, non-aggressive, cohesive and peaceful

(a position can't say who you are, everything will change, maybe for the better, maybe for the worse) try to take a deep breath and try to feel the peaceful moment in the present

Thank you everyone for inspiring me to write articles on this topic. Thank you for your love for me; love you all. Wishing you all good health, peace and luck ⭐

[noxturnalmoth]

Literary Service

Summary: Life is a cruel mother but a great teacher. In Noxus, where life is but an afterthought, war raises its people with an iron fist. Whether they like it or not. So when one is courageous enough to escape, they learn to take all that life has to offer, even if it has to be by the skin of their teeth. What would happen if the scholarship that provided you with an escape made you encounter a man as great with his words as he is with hiding the festering wounds in his heart? And what if he was your teacher?

Warnings: a little bit of angst, philosophical discussions of love, pussy eating, penetrative sex, body worship, pierced and tattooed Silco, soft, loving Silco

Word Count: 15, 952

Masterlist: here

Chapter 8 - Devotion

That day you left with more kisses, cushioned in the pillowy comfort that your feelings were reciprocated. Soft like clouds and as sweet as candy, the warmth remained in your heart all weekend. You thought about what all of this could entail for the future. What would the both of you do, how would you go about these new changes? You didn't know but you sure as hell were ready to tackle any question and any obstacle by Silco's side.

Long gone was the pain of memories and demons crawling back from hell's gaping maw. You were left…happy. More than contentment, you felt joy. True joy. And you felt oh so loved, important to someone in a way that you've only read about or vaguely seen around campus and in town.

But it mattered not when the poison dagger that pierced your heart was finally removed. Silco tending to the wound and curing you from its venom.

By Janna, he loved you!

You've spent all weekend thinking about seeing him again, giddy like the young girls you've seen in TV shows when they found their first love. But despite how you felt you preferred not calling Silco, letting anticipation and excitement built at the very thought of seeing him on Monday. Of noticing changes. If there were any they would be subtle, only able to be deciphered by you. And that made the thought much better in your mind.

The floodgates were now open, all the love you were kept from giving finally breaking free from the unbreakable dam that Noxus had built around your heart, using your passion and twisting it into pain and rage. But now you were free, humming to yourself as you made your way to class. All of the dark fog from the previous week, no, from your previous life, finally softened enough for the images and sounds to be in the back of your mind instead of the forefront.

Your crutch made a soft cadence, creating a melody with your rushing feet as you limped into the room, smiling and greeting your classmates with a smile brighter than you've had before. They responded in kind, joking and sharing small, sweet conversations before class until the bell rang.

But when you found Silco, he was…not quite as elated as you were. His posture was tense, back to the same he had at the very beginning of the first semester. His good eye looked heavy, exhausted, lined with a puffy, purple and red eye bag; while his bad eye looked worse off than before, trembling with the scars around it looking more pronounced than before, more inflamed. His hair was gelled back as always, his clothes crisp, yet as he talked you noticed that the warmth he had gained overtime had all but dissolved, and so did your classmates.

That day he was back to harsh, almost pedantic at times. The entire opposite of the Silco you've grown to love. The lilt that soothed your soul was no longer present in his voice, all that was left was a hiss, as if each word uttered cost him, as if his lungs were pierced with shrapnel that had long been removed but decided to come back to haunt him.

He avoided your gaze, only meeting it with cold detachment whenever you answered a question in your usual analytical way, his eyes trained on you with nothing of the affection you've been lovingly drowned in Friday. But something was swirling deep inside, a tempest in the horizon of the ocean and volcano of his eyes. Something not quite dangerous, but most definitely destructive. On whom? You didn't know, but you would wager with his slightly more gaunt cheeks and his sunken eyes that it was on him.

Class passed by slowly, an agonizing pace that made each second on the clock feel like an hour. Each hour like an eternity, one keeping you from the man you loved more than all else. Keeping you from holding him and asking him what was wrong, if he needed help. What could have happened in one weekend to make him come back to his old ways? No. Worse.

When before the man simply had walls up, he was now sealed like Xerath's tomb in the stories of old. Buried deep beneath shifting sands, blistering heat and thundering skies.

Did he regret what the both you had done?

This question rang through your mind for the rest of the class, screamed by the demons clawing back out from the fissures deep within your heart, reopened by doubt.

Yet even through it all you couldn't keep your eyes away from him, drinking in his svelte body, his dark clothing fitting him perfectly as always. Perhaps even more so now that you had seen him lose composure, bringing you pleasure. His pants looking all too good on his long legs, the tendons in his hands reminding you of how he held you then. His lips, you could taste them even from meters away.

Gods, you needed to get back onto track.

That much was clear when sea foam clashed against your blushing form, frigid, dousing you with its cold water and calming your ardor.

"Class dismissed." Are the clipped words that left his mouth as he made his way back to his desk. That's when you noticed a crack in his usual composure, his perfect military stance was slightly slouched. His shoulders ever so slightly inched forward, his neck lowered by nothing but a millimeter.

As always, you waited for the throng of students to leave, bidding your farewells to your friends and classmates as they passed you by. And when solely the both of you were left, Silco didn't turn around as he always did. Instead he quickly yet meticulously packed his filer, laptop and pencil case in his bag and rounded his desk.

"I cannot remain to talk, Miss."

Miss?

Oh, gods it was indeed that. He regretted everything and wanted nothing to do with you anymore, didn't he?

"Silco, are you-" Before the last word left your lips the man raised his hand to silence you.

"I am quite busy today, so I will kindly ask you to leave the premises."

The words feel like you've swallowed barbed wire. Ripping at your vocal cords and killing your voice, leaving your heart bleeding and your lungs gasping for air. It was painful, and although you felt like you wanted to beg, to plead, you simply couldn't. All that escaped you were heavy, shaking breaths as a tear made its way down your cheek. Like a runny faucet, the tears kept on dripping, and to avoid the humiliation of crying beneath his cold stare you decide to simply nod and rush your way out.

Uncaring of the pain shooting from your ankle to your thigh, of the agonizing shifting of your back, you made your way back home as quickly as you could, throwing yourself on your bed after slamming the door shut. Your body curling up on itself in the sheer amount of suffering this movement caused you.

That was it, he had seen you at your most vulnerable and decided that it wasn't worth the hassle. He saw everything you could ever show to him, everything you've never shown to anyone.

But that couldn't be it, right? He couldn't have been so sweet and then decided to turn his whole behavior around? It wasn't him, it wasn't the Silco you've grown to know and love.

But nothing made sense anymore.

He had seen all your tears, cradled you through your fears, held you through your pleasure and kissed you through your joy.

It couldn't simply be it, right? He couldn't simply have decided that you were not worth his attention anymore. He couldn't have thrown you away after all of what you had shared, after all he had shared. After all the months you had spent watering the seed of friendship with your shared love for literature and care for one another.

Did you come off too strong? Did you put him off and cross untold boundaries while your mind was blinded by the fog of passion? That couldn't be it. He himself was the one who initiated it all, and never at one point did he do or say anything to stop you. On the contrary, he enabled your lust, coaxed you to lose yourself to the heat overtaking your mind, body and soul. Just about ready to combust like phosphorus exposed to the air.

Your mind kept on spiraling from the end of Monday's literature class until Thursday's, your stomach getting tighter and tighter at the thought of seeing Silco again. Your friends were worried, thinking that your "bug" from last week might have lasted and suggesting that you may have to go home again.

And you wanted to, badly. To just curl up and cry for another week, or two…or more. The feeling of losing the one person you care the most about after such a vulnerable time making you all but crumble in your resolve and transforming the sweet warmth of love into the bitter cold of grief.

It was painful. You didn't know if you had to let it go or if you had to understand why Silco changed so drastically in such little time. To know if it was your fault, if you had done something wrong, if you could fix it or if you had to burn the bridge that the both of you had built. The thought that you had made him uncomfortable or hurt him kept on playing in your head, voices hissing at you that "It's all your fault, you ruined everything like you always do. All that you touch rots and corrodes. You deserve to be alone, you monster."

Another part of your mind screeched at you that he had used you for his own personal gain, for a plaything that he has lost interest in and thus decided to throw away. But deep down, you hoped, non, you knew that it simply couldn't be the case. Maybe some people would do this, but not him. Not after everything.

The last part told you that there was something amiss. It was not talking to you with anger and frustration, with shame and guilt, but with compassion and patience. The same one Silco had shown to you all this time. "Perhaps something happened in his private life that warrant this reaction. But you will not know unless you reach out."

But each time you gazed at your phone wondering if you should call him, you decided against it. No, you'd talk on Friday. If he even wanted to after how he has acted towards you.

Thursday, your friends hug you tight as they meet you in front of the literature building.

"How are you feeling, girlie?" June asks softly, her arm around your waist while Eric carries your bag, Alex strutting along with the group.

You shrug.

"I'm alive, think the bug's left me a little tired is all."

Eric hums, clearly pensive. "So…What's up with Mr. Marlowe? We've all noticed that he's got a broom up his ass again, right?" The rest of the group nods, and you sigh agreeing.

"Whaddya think happened, toots? You're buddy buddy with him, did he tell you anything?"

"No, Alex. That's the problem. He's kinda been..uhm…ignoring me?"

All three of your friends suddenly stopped at once, looking at you with faces displaying different levels of disbelief.

"Wait, what?" The scarred boy asked, dumbfounded, the rest of your little posse nodding along.

"Yeah. I don't know, probably something happened in his personal life and he just-" You sighed, rubbing your face with the hand not holding onto your crutch, shaky breaths making their way into your lungs with difficulty. "-I'll try to speak to him tomorrow if he even wants to see me."

June's hand tightens on you and she lays her head on your shoulder. "No matter what happens, just know that how he's acting is none of your fault. I know you're definitely kicking yourself over it, but you did nothing wrong."

If only she knew, if only all of them did. How wrong they all were. You did do something bad, you had revealed too much, taken too much. You let yourself be taken away by the waves of infatuation, and no matter if the water was warm and reciprocated the soft humming of your heart's desires, it was deep. Unexplored, tumultuous. And you had jumped in without checking for sharks.

You shook your head with a sharp exhale, your hand finding its place around her shoulders.

"Okay ladies, no need to get all sad. I'm sure the problem is something less great than it looks and that it can be taken care of quite easily. That's the case for most of the bad shit that ever happens to us anyways." Eric clapped, bringing you out of your own head.

He held the same look he always did, the self-assured yet kind gleam in his eyes softening the depths of your anguish enough to let you breathe better. But tears had already began gathering at your lower lashes, like a rain of pearls held back by the chords of a harp, shining in the light with precious emotion.

"Yeah- yeah I guess. Let's just go, I don't wanna be late." Is all you managed to mumble as Alex groaned, prattling on about how the homework had gotten more substantial and harder, how he'd shove a boot up Silco's ass for going back to being a "hardass" and for making you cry.

The trip to class was filled with banter, your three friends doing their best to bring a smile back to your lips and to smother some of the woe climbing up your throat in the form of bitter bile.

His silhouette was already there, looming over his desk like a crow perched atop a dying tree. Observing, dissecting everything in its sights. And when his gaze turned to your hunched form, like the major Arcana's Hermit holding himself to his staff, it turned fragmented. As if in the stained glass of his eyes, something had broken, hundreds of facets, of emotions, glowing in the afternoon light.

But as soon as those shards burst, he turned away from you, his head hung low.

"Oh gods, he really is ignoring you." Alex whispered incredulously next to you, setting your messenger bag on your desk.

"Gee, thanks for noticing, Alex." You answered back, throwing yourself on your chair and rummaging through your personal effects and pulling out your notebook and pencil case, pulling out your fountain pen.

Using those two objects felt painful since the beginning of Silco's frigid behavior, especially today that he seems so much more closed off. At the very least on Monday he had wished you a 'good morning', held your gaze for a moment, but today he could barely stand skimming his eyes over you.

It was torture.

"Settle down." His voice was a low rumble, like a storm approaching under dark clouds, lighting peeking through the thick celestial veil.

Somehow his body was more tense, straighter than on Monday as he walked back and forth on the stage at the front of the class, his arms crossed behind his back. His pace and posture were imbued with military precision, words clipped, eyes like spears puncturing through all they stared at.

"Can somebody remind the class of which book we'll be talking about today?" He thundered, yet his voice remained calm, low, while it left the air crackling with energy.

Your hand lifted, an automatism you gained through the months, your passion for literature and your need for Silco's approval winning against the nervous pit being dug in your guts at this very moment. Hidden by the black eye patch, you could still feel the flames of the infected eye lick at your skin, melting you like ice in the sun as he snapped his head to you.

"Miss."

"The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern-" You sighed shakily, your eyes finding the frigid aquamarine of his as you uttered the next word. "-sir."

You could see the effect it had, an intake of breath sharp as a dagger, his lashes fluttering for but an instant as if they were a butterfly's wings, the tightening of his jaw and the twitching of his fingers. His pupil had grown in the blink of an eye at the mention of the word, and you knew then that whatever had happened for him to act this way, it was not because of hatred.

Soldiers in Noxus were taught many different ways to take down an enemy, but that didn't only mean physically through hand to hand, or weapon manipulation whether melee or ranged. It also meant torture, interrogation, how to analyze every micro-expression and understand what they meant. Pupil dilation could be caused by many different emotions, joy, anger, arousal..But to better know which one of them it was you had to look at the rest of the bodily clues.

Many of his, at the moment, could be interpreted to be a quiet simmering rage. But the nearly imperceptible bobbing of his Adam's apple was enough to show you how this facade was already nearly at its breaking point.

Silco wasn't angry, no, he was scared.

Terrified.

But of what?

"Very well, Miss. And what is this book about?" His eyes pierce yours like daggers, challenge in them shaking the sharp fragments of emotion.

The was something else unsaid in his gaze, a heaviness that didn't go unnoticed by you who has become proficient at looking through the cracks in his composure like they were an open book.

What could it be?

"Forbidden love, sir. Two magicians are pitted against one another by their mentors so that one of them may die and restore the circus' arcane properties. They knew not of one another until they met later on in their lives and fell for each other despite the deal they've been forced into. In the end…they find a loophole, come at a stalemate by both dying and forever changing the rules that keep the establishment free from bad luck and the passage of time, together."

He raises his hand to shut you up, a nod signifying that you did well. But you caught it, the shuddering of his chest in a soft shaky breath.

Vulnerability.

That was the name of the final emotion, the last piece of the puzzle that showed you that you could indeed approach him again. That he needed you to, even if he acted like he didn't.

The book, your choice of words…They all had aligned perfectly for you to crack the first part of the code. And you'd be damned if you didn't push forward, even if rejection was all you got you needed to be fixed on his behavior, on what the two of you were, on what would happen to either of you.

"And isn't that an idealistic view, Miss? That love can save all?" His tone is stable, nearly nothing transpiring through his words but you felt it, the soft tremor at the word "love".

As if it were truly forbidden for him to say it.

Or feel it.

So you took your time, humming as you thought, fabricating an answer that would show your thoughts on both the book's content and your emotional turmoil. Subtle enough that no one could catch up on the double meaning, but present enough so that he could understand. Something contained, something natural.

"It isn't the way to save all, love is simply an emotion. If you push it away, if you do not nurture it, if you deny yourself its whims, it can become poison. A new obstacle in the tumultuous endeavor of life. Yet with communication, with middle grounds, with understanding and patience, love can grow from a seed to a centennial tree. It can become a driving force. Because passion without the necessary measures is simply chaos, but even chaos can be forged into something greater with the right amount of care. That is how Celia and Marco broke and remolded the rules of the circus, by channeling their love into something more than simple emotion."

Your eyes found his as you spoke, words measured and careful. His gaze wavered, his fingers tapped on the desk as he leaned further into it, his jaw clenching ever so slightly as the ocean drowned you at his staring. The hellfire hidden beneath his eye patch scorching you, even when hidden.

He was considering your answer yes, but most importantly he was considering you. What you uttered hit deep, you knew it as the aquamarine blue shifted like the tides, the silence he left deafening compared to how your assured voice filled the room and emptied it all at once. And it felt, now, as if there were only the two of you here.

Then he released a sigh, heavy and dragged, as if your words punched the air out of his lungs, his head tilting in approval.

"You're right." He began.

"Emotion and interpretation are personal and I would not fault you for thinking that way even if it weren't the right answer. But it is, Celia and Marco proved themselves to be stronger than the rules and deals binding them to their inevitable fates because they worked with their love, not despite of it…."

He trailed off, taking another breath as he seemed to ponder adding something to his words.

"..You're right as always, Miss. It leaves much to think about, the theme of love, especially when it is forbidden. What would you consider would make something of this nature despicable to the eyes of some?"

What was he looking for? A reason as to why love could be forbidden…

"In The Night Circus, the affection is deemed forbidden due to the deal. Celia and Marco were vowed to fight, leading to one of their deaths. It was fated for them to be each other's end, for them to hate one another due to their mentors forcing them into the cycle. But in real life…"

You drummed your fingers on your desk, mirroring his motions, your good leg bouncing as you formulated your thoughts into something worth Silco's standards, into something that would reach him while keeping your peers in the dark.

"..Well it could be because of ethnicity or religion as some families and cultures have a hard time accepting the opposite in one, the other, or both. Or maybe because of social standing, some more wealthy families may see those poorer than them as lesser and thus find love blossoming between castes as forbidden. Perhaps age as well could be a factor. For this let's consider a relationship where both parts are consensual adults. Even if it is so, a large age gap could prove to be seen as bad, predatory on the older partner's side. A way love could be forbidden is also hierarchical superiority, a boss and their employee, a professor and their student, a superior officer and a lower grade one…It's about the fact that one could be using their power as a way to subdue the one under them into a relationship. And in some cases with age and grade it could indeed be a play on power, but in some cases the two individuals do truly love one another. In the end forbidden is what the society around us sees as less legitimate, but no one or nothing can stop feelings I fear."

The hands he had placed on his desk gripped it as you came around to talk about age, about professional status. His lips twitched before he licked at them as he nodded, a strand of his perfectly slicked back hair falling onto his forehead which he immediately brushed back with his lithe fingers.

You had cornered him, and it seemed like all you had said had hit its mark. Your own fears from before slipping into your monologue as you tried to, as subtly as possible, indicate that you were fearful of those things, of what you shared, despite your profound adoration for him.

Wait.

It all suddenly clicked in your head, as if his words were the missing part of the puzzle. You needn't talk to him directly, he was giving you his reasons on a silver platter and in front of an audience nonetheless. He was bearing his heart in a public setting, and knowing him it was probably knowingly too, calculated as everything he ever did always was.

He didn't regret what you two shared, no.

He feared for the exact same thing that you had before last Friday.

He feared rejection, what the board would think, what your peers and his colleagues would think. He was terrified of the love he felt for you because of the power he held over you as a professor and as a superior in the army. He trembled at the thought of you being disgusted by him for the years that separated your ages, two decades of them.

He was horrified at the depths of his feelings, and it caused him to push you away.

Silco Marlowe, ex-Captain of The Children of Zaun, was shaking like a leaf like a young boy at the prospect of love.

And you couldn't blame him in the least because Sahn Uzal knew just how terrified you also were about it all. But it seems like you had to be the one to take the leap, because as scared as you were, you were more than willing to throw yourself into Silco. But he was hesitant, perhaps feeling guilty about his emotions, about his position compared to you. You knew he only wanted the best for you and he was probably reconsidering his actions out of fear of hurting you, hurting the both of you in the process. His kind heart once more getting the best of him.

Perhaps it was naivety that gave you this courage, but you'd be damned if you let him push you away, let him deny himself what he wanted once more as he always had.

"Indeed. I hope the lot of you have taken notes on your comrade's speech because you would benefit from the philosophical insight." Is all the man said, his eyes looking at you with soft apprehension, a type of gaze that tells you that you two would talk later.

The rest of the class is spent with Silco letting up on his harsher facade, the conversation easing the storm brewing within his soul like the rays of sun piercing through the dark clouds, illuminating the angry, roiling waters of his sea foam eye. Your friends steal glances at you, unknowing yet knowing all the same, smiles stretching across their faces at the slowly fading in the class. The rest of your classmates seemed to feel relief as well, a soft sigh of relief escaping some of them as their shoulders relaxed and the questions and conversation seemed to flow more freely than before. Not yet fully resolved and appeased, but on its way to bring back the ease from before.

When class ended you took your time once more, embracing your friends with a soft goodbye, sharing a few words with others as you slowly packed. When the room was emptied you looked to the front desk, Silco sat in his chair, bouncing his leg in an uncharacteristically nervous way.

"The study of this book came at a good time, didn't it sir?"

You inquired knowingly, crutch in hand as you limped your way to the front. Your body was tense, more from the pain of accumulated stress over the week than fear to talk to the man. The spring had eased up some of your pain when it came to the harsh Zaunite winter, but the muscle tension did nothing to appease your fragile bones.

"It appears so." He sighed, leaning back, his head tilted up towards the ceiling as his good eye closed.

"We have much to talk about tomorrow, if you still wish to have me in your office that is."

You extended the olive branch, your hips leaning over the edge of his desk so you could sit and relieve yourself of your own weight on your ankle.

His gaze snaps to you, confused.

"You'd…Still wish to engage with me despite my behavior?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Is all you added, smiling softly at him while his composure slowly cracked, his face slightly screwing in what you could only describe as shame. "See you tomorrow, Sil?"

The shaky breath he took was followed by a small nod, meek compared to his usual demeanor.

That afternoon when you came back home you laid on your bed with a long, relieved sigh. Your shower had rained upon you, washing away your turmoil like a monsoon cleared the sins from the earth and brought upon life, your stomach was full, a warm meal settling your panicked mind and filling the hole dug by your emotions.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow you'd clear the air with Silco and you'd get back on track, whatever that track was and no matter how long it'd take for the both of you to get comfortable again.

Is what you told yourself as your back cracked while you curled up in bed, holding one of your pillows as if you were holding the man you want. His voice in your mind lulling you to sleep, his warmth ingrained within your skin, his smell carved in your nose.

The next day was spent walking in your room like a caged lion, your phone locked and unlocked to look at the time until you were rushing out of the door and to Silco's office, where he awaited you patiently as always. For once set on his couch, looking nervous like a scolded child. But all you did as you saw him was to present a warm smile, his lips twitching into a relieved one as he snapped his head up in your direction at the sound of the door opening.

"I thought you may not come.."

"And miss a Friday with you? You wound me to think a small conflict would stop me from seeking your presence, Silco." You chuckled softly, your light coat hung on your usual chair before you stepped towards the couch and settled yourself upon it.

"Talk to me, what is going on in that mind of yours?" You tilted your head to meet his low gaze, the hell fire and heavenly blue clashing against your eyes now that his eye patch was discarded.

You could see the full extent of his inner turmoil, facade no longer held together by the presence of your class or the protection of the leather atop his darkened orb.

"You're too good to me.." He began, a hand raking through his hair, but you shook your head.

"I'm as good as you deserve. Come now, Silco, you cannot avoid me throughout the week and say nothing when we finally are able to talk. You need to let your feelings out lest they poison you. Poison us."

He nodded, melting into the couch besides you, his head trailing to look up to you as if you had made the stars and hung them up.

"I am…Absolutely terrified, darling." He started, his usual velvet tone now more raw.

"I am so much older, I am your professor. What would the world think of us, should they find out about us? I…When I reached out to you that day, I saw myself within you. The hurt, the survival instinct, the passion…I thought I could be a good mentor when you talked so adoringly about literature. Then you became my friend, someone who could confide and be confided in, someone loving and impartial to all that I was, all that I am. When those…emotions began, I felt terrified but comforted in the thought you could never love someone like me. You deserve someone your own age, someone equal to you, someone who could not hold anything over you the way I can. But I find myself wanting to be selfish, and last Friday I acted upon my needs after you opened yourself up so wholly to me. I felt monstrous, ugly, as if I-"

He took a shaky breath, grunting at the turmoil shaking the ocean within his soul, a maelstrom of angst turning the clear waters dark.

"-as if I had taken advantage of you in a weak moment. As if I had taken your soft heart and used it to fulfill my own desires to have you closer."

There it was, his heart laid bare.

He felt like he had used you and whipped himself with a cat of nine tails made of his own guilt and shame, opening wounds on his already bleeding soul. All because he wanted you but felt like he never could hold you so close.

"And what if I told you I wanted you anyways, despite what you find ugly within yourself? You've not used me Silco, you gave me safety, you gave me love, tenderness I had never known. Had you used me, you wouldn't have felt guilt at this very moment. I gave you my tears, my heart and my pleasure out of my own volition."

"Yet you shouldn't have!" He panted out, breaths rattling his lungs like the steps of the Noxian army made homes tremble from miles away, made men shake in fear.

"Is that what you would have wanted?"

He shook his head, hands quaking in distress before you took them within your own. Calloused skin against calloused skin, naked hurt against resolve and love.

"Then why do you not embrace what you feel?"

"Because, what if you regret me? What if I fail you like-"

-like I failed Vander, Connol and Felicia.

Were the words that threatened to leave his lips, bitten from stress, wet and raw from licking to moisten them after the passage of the Shuriman dryness of bitter resentment towards himself.

"You're but a man. You will fail, but you will never learn if you don't let yourself be taught. If you don't let yourself forgive your past for happenings out of your control. For once, instead of considering what has gone by, instead of thinking of others, take what you want without letting yourself be haunted by the ghosts of the past. I am sure Vander, Felicia and Connol would want you to be happy, to let yourself be happy. Your misery is no penance, it's a punishment for a fault you have not committed."

You pushed his arms away from his lap and slowly angled yourself his way, giving him the time to push you away if need be. But he didn't, instead he let the long limbs wrap around your waist and bring you closer as you climbed on his lap, embracing him with all the love you could muster. To reassure him, to comfort the storm shaking his heart.

And with time, rattling breaths turned into deep inhales as he breathed you in, his face laying in the crook of your neck while he pulled you closer and closer still. Willing himself to relax, to melt into your body, to let your affection wash over him like the waves licked the shores of Ionia, shifting their dark sand and letting it shine under the beautiful, uncovered sunshine.

"I apologize for pushing you away."

"You don't have to."

"You're too good for me."

"I am simply as good as you deserve, I am as good as you are to me. No more, no less."

His lips kissed at your soft skin, the sharp blade of his nose cutting at your pulse point.

"Gods, I feel like a child."

"When was the last time you let yourself be loved in such a way, Silco? When was the last time you let your walls down in such a way?"

His lack of an answer was an answer it itself.

"Then you are no child. You are simply a man learning to love. And all of that comes with turmoil, you've taught me as much as you helped me become myself, find out who I truly was instead of an instrument of bloodshed. Let yourself feel, I am here for you, and I am not leaving."

That was when you felt them, soft drops of salt water licking at your skin like summer rain.

Silco was crying.

Wailing in silence as his body rattled with muted sobs, his hands gripping at your clothes the way a babe would cling to his mother. And you let him, for as long as he needed you let the strong man come undone.

"I want you so much I know not what to do with myself." He called out shakily.

Your hands caressed his back, one climbing to his hair to softly rake through it.

"I won't lie and say that I don't feel the same. But we will do whatever you want, take it all as slow as you need."

He sniffled, his head coming up as both of his eyes meet yours, his hands cradling you as if you were the most precious thing in the world. And with how he looked at you, you believed that you may indeed be.

"We've taken it slow too long. We- We've danced around this, I don't want to wait anymore. But I want to court you properly, like you deserve to be."

His lips found yours, a soft salty kiss, his words brushing against your tongue. Letting you taste bourbon and smoke, strong and spicy against the sweetness of his love.

"Let me love you, darling. Let me grovel at your feet, I beg of you. I wished for you to be mine for too long. I cannot, now that I know all of this, let myself stay away from you any longer."

You smiled, deepening your kiss, breathing him in as deeply as you could while you comforted him.

"Silco, you silly man. Take me to bed or lose me forever."

He snorted, moving his head to lay his lips across your temple.

"Did you quote Top Gun to me just now?"

His hands pinched at your sides, making you squirm in his embrace.

"Perhaps." You mused.

"I shan't take you to bed…" He trailed off. "Yet."

His voice was filled with promise as both of your gazes glimmered at one another's.

"So it is on the table then." You teased.

"Many things are, but perhaps we should discuss this tomorrow over dinner?"

His eyes search yours and your hand slides from his hair to his scarred cheek, thumbing softly at the puckered skin as your smile grew in contentment at his words. Silco wished for you two to share more than the space of his office and such a fact made your heart sing in joy, the same song of love it had sung all weekend after your loss of control.

"Dinner?" You hummed to the feel of his touch massaging your strained back muscles. "Are you asking me out on a date, Silco?"

"I am, indeed, darling." He nearly sung in your ear, tone back to its usual gold embroidered velvet. "Should you accept it, I wish to invite you to my home tomorrow evening. The children are with their friends for the weekend and we will be…unbothered by them."

The implications were not lost on you that the lovely date could turn into something more, something along the lines of the grinding that the two of you partook in last Friday.

"I would be a fool not to accept, love. Not after wanting you this long." You feel tremors rake through his body at the pet name and smile knowingly.

You had found something to call him, just as he had for you months ago. Something that reached him deeply, encapsulating his heart with your affection.

"What do you want to do now?" You asked softly, lips brushing against his scars as he sighed in relief.

"Let us just remain this way for a little while longer. Distancing myself from you was akin to death to me. I simply need your presence at the moment."

"Then my presence you shall have, love."

He groaned, his face returning to your neck.

"What's wrong?" You asked, knowing full well where his reaction stemmed from.

"You're incorrigible."

"Would you rather I call you sir?" His hands gripped at your waist tighter as your words reached his ears.

"Don't you dare, you little minx."

You giggled as his eyes found yours again, the stained glass fragmented no more, finally pieced back together in a beautiful tableau of adoration. Gold replacing lead, saturation chasing away the dullness brought upon him by guilt.

"I won't then…" You trailed off, biting back a smirk that still managed to slice through your face like a blade through softened butter. "..Not yet."

The noise he made was barely contained as his lips chased yours to shut you up, a half sigh half growl that you could taste the tremors of from your mouth to your core.

"You're dangerous."

"I believe the both of us are, professor. After Friday it was hard to look at you in class without…remembering certain events."

"Gods." Is the word his lungs expelled with a breath. "I couldn't look at you lest I broke down and begged for you then and there."

So the sentiment was shared.

"Then perhaps we should cut this session short so we can digest the week's emotions and be better prepared for tomorrow?"

His arms held you tighter even as he nodded at your words.

"You may be right, yes. We should do this. Because I feel like doing something stupid and I wish to save it all for later, even if I want to be selfish and keep you around at this very moment."

So, slowly you kissed him once more, soft and pillowy. A goodnight, an "I will see you later", that if you had the choice would become much more. But you had to leave, to rest from your emotions until the morrow. So with one last caress, you slid off of the man's lap, getting back up to put on your coat which he helped you doing, leading you to the door with one hand on the small of your back.

"See you later, Silco."

"Sweet dreams, darling."

"I bet they will be, love."

He dipped one last time to steal your lips with his, biting and pulling at the lower one as he stepped away from you, his lashes fluttering as he tried to compose himself once more. He cradled your face with his hands, caressing at your cheeks with a soft affectionate sigh before he let go.

"Go on now, darling. Before I rethink my choice."

The thread sent a thrumming rattling through you, washing over you like the hot Noxian showers. Yet instead of burning you with pain, it filled you with lustful excitement, that you had to snap out of lest you also rethought your own choice to leave. So you turned around and limped away, spending the last of your night squealing in bed in excitement at the event promised for the following day.

You only awoke around eleven in the morning, spending a restful night for once, nightmares seizing from the loving excitement that you felt at the upcoming dinner date.

As you got ready, way too early in the afternoon, you wondered how you would get to Silco's home. Your clothes framed the plushness of your curves perfectly, your choice more dressed up than the usual you wore on campus while you looked into the mirror, phone in hand. You smiled softly, hands running over your soft curves dressed beautifully, your lip caught between your teeth as you remembered the surprise you had reserved for him beneath them should he desire you unwrap you.

Like a gift for his eyes only.

You hesitated in sending a message, a picture of your outfit with a question on how you could come to him in the evening to seem casual, but it seemed like he had found you first as your device vibrated.

"Hello, darling."

"Hey!" Came your breathless answer as you answered the call, throwing yourself on your bed, newly made in your excitement and apprehension of what would come. To occupy your mind as you waited.

"I am calling because I have realized that in my excitement I may have forgotten to tell you that I would come and get you in the campus parking, as to be inconspicuous. We may both be adults yet.."

"Yet some people may see it as a bad thing and get the both of us in trouble. I know, love. It's better if we keep ourselves away from the public eye. Plus I'm not too interested in having other people seeing us.."

He hummed, sounding all too interested as you shifted onto your back to look at the ceiling and put the call on speaker.

"And why is that, darling?"

"Well, other people are allowed to see you. But I find myself rather… partial to having you all to myself when the both of us are together. Call me possessive but it's the truth."

He groaned. "Gods, you cannot simply say things of the sort…" You heard a sharp intake of breath on the other side of the call. "But, I find myself feeling the same way. They may look and touch while I am away..But you're mine now, darling. And whenever we are together I wish to have you all to myself."

His words sent you reeling, your lip bitten between your teeth as you considered all that he has said, willing yourself away from such thoughts with great difficulty to get back on track.

"I'm glad." You sighed, shaking your head clear of any lustful ideation. "What time would you get me?"

"Around six, if that is alright with you. I don't believe I can wait anymore than that. Call me greedy but I have spent my day waiting for this soiree together."

With a giggle you pulled yourself back to a sitting position.

"Six it is, I don't think I could wait either considering everything. I'll see you then?"

"That you will, my darling. I shall see you soon."

The call ended, your lungs taking in gulps of air as if you had been deprived of it for minutes on end, five from what you can see on your phone history.

Four in the afternoon.

You still had to wait around two hours, two atrociously long hours, to see Silco. And you would spend them cleaning your apartment, willing yourself to forget about him lest you went insane while looking at the seconds tick.

It was around five forty that your phone buzzed once more, a simple text from the man overtaking every cell in your body sending you to get your crutch and bag to rush out of the door.

-I have arrived, I shall be waiting in the parking next to the administrative building. Do not rush and hurt yourself, my darling.-

Simple, concise and oh so Silco of him to send such a message.

Yet you disregarded his warning, limping as fast as you can through the large campus and ignoring the uncomfortable tensions in your back and leg. During the walk your mind returns to his words from the text and you blank.

"My darling."

He had said it in call as well, and it shouldn't have gotten to you as much as it did, but it did. The simple nickname he had given you taking a whole other meaning as he added the possessive inflection.

"You're mine now, darling."

You recalled him saying during your earlier phone conversation. And you couldn't help the smile growing on your face both at coming around the administrative building, but also at the implication of his claim laid on you through his words alone.

It left you to wonder in what other ways he might exercise it upon you.

"Hey, my love!" You called out at his form, leaning against a slick black sedan with a cigarette in hand, your voice trying at using a possessive term just as his had.

His head snapped your way and the usual cold facade setting his face in stone melted away into the usual softness you've come to adore.

"Hello, my darling. Gods, I've been here for ten minutes, I just couldn't wait anymore." He pushed himself to stand fully, six feet of svelte, darkly dressed Silco suddenly all too close for you not to do something about it.

Yet you decided against it, instead reaching for his cigarette to place your lips around the filter while your eyes looked to his uncovered one. His tongue passed over his dry mouth at your motion, understanding very well that it was meant to replace a kiss as you smiled and expelled smoke from your lungs.

"It's alright, I rushed here despite your words. So I suppose we've both been too excited to wait."

His head tilted as worry furrowed his brows, but when words were about to leave him you went and stubbed the tube in a nearby trash.

"I know, I know. I'll be alright, I'm not made of glass, my love. Let's go? I'm famished."

A low, throaty chuckle left him as you came back and he opened the door, leading you in the dark car with a hand around your waist and taking your crutch and bag to put them in the backseat. He then rounded the car and got in, the door closing all too soon after and the engine started as he pulled the two of you out of the lot, taking the direction to his home.

He kept one hand on the wheel, drumming an unknown beat, while the other remained on the gear shift. You felt his eye shift from the road to you ever so often, as if he were pondering something.

"Something on your mind?"

He hummed, his hand gripping the wheel tighter before he released a breath, releasing his hold on the gear shift to encase your thigh with his calloused digits.

"This."

Your thighs softly clenched in surprise and in arousal at his sudden touch, so close, so intimate.

"Oh." Is all your mouth manages to muster up before you take a deep breath to let yourself digest the proximity, the smell of leather soothing your nerves yet the tobacco and spicy cologne from Silco bringing you back. Leaving you torn on how to feel as you stared at his profile, passive if not for the quirk of his lips.

"Something on your mind?" He repeated your words from earlier and you bit your lip.

"Huhuh." You answered noncommittally, willing yourself to keep your thoughts clear of lust as you focused on the road ahead. "So…Uh..What are we eating?"

You scoffed at yourself internally, your awkwardness managing to make Silco huff out a laugh.

"I had planned on opening a bottle of Ionian red wine, make an entree with garlic and parsley butter sauteed scallops, then move on to a traditional carbonara with a mint, rosewater and raspberry pavlova for dessert. I spent yesterday's evening making the meringue for it."

His words were purposeful, driven with a soft excitement and pride at his work that had you salivating.

"Do you cook a lot? Well.." You reconsidered your words. "Obviously with four children and Sevika over often you would have to. But is it a hobby of yours?"

His hand squeezes on your thigh before reaching for the gear shift and returning to your leg once more.

"Indeed it is. Cooking the way I do means that the children are not picky. They do help me with dinner a lot, they cook for all of us actually sometimes as I can come home quite late from certain lectures or other meetings. I've dabbled into it since I came back from the army, but I've always been more of the.."

He trailed off, thinking over his words.

"..Artistic type. I used to sketch and paint when when I was younger. I also played music alongside Vander and Felicia. We would do small shows against meals and tips to help ourselves."

You nodded, your gaze returning to him with a renewed spark at knowing about his more private interests.

"What did you play?" You asked as he pulled up to the driveway of a Tudor style house.

"The electric bass." Is the short velvety answer that escaped his lips as the car came to a halt, his hand suddenly leaving your thigh and leaving a warm imprint behind to retrieve his keys.

His lithe body got out of the car quickly, coming around to your side to open the door for you, your crutch and bag retrieved soon after he closed your door and led you to the front door. When he unlocked it you stepped inside first, the hand on the small of your back prompting you to walk forwards.

"Here, let me."

After he closed the door he got to one knee, undoing your shoes and taking them off one by one before placing slippers on your uncovered feet, then he did so as well for himself. You took the moment to look around while he led you to the kitchen, beautiful wooden floors and sleek furniture worth of someone of his taste clashing with joyful family pictures, colorful toys and drawings framed on the walls with pride.

His home was very much lived in, and it made your heart flutter. At the sight of the many shoes and slippers in the shoe rack, at the piled up coats near the door, at every trace of his love for the children he cared for.

The kitchen was beautiful, an antique gas stove being the jewel of it alongside the vintage fridge, dark and sleek just like the rest of the home yet littered with reminders of the other presences living in it with colorful cups and magnets.

Silco pulled a stool from the isle in the kitchen, letting you sit before he rounded the table, pulling out two glasses and a bottle from a cabinet. A wine, the Ionian red, which looked to be expensive was soon uncorked and spilled within the crystal receptacles.

"To our very first date then, my darling."

He handed you your drink, still standing before you, separated by the counter as he raised his glass. You raised yours back, clinking it to his with a soft smile before taking a sip.

"To our first date, my love."

Your taste buds sing with joy at the smooth passing of the blood red alcohol, it was woodsy, delicately aged and sweet beyond compare. Nothing that your friends and yourself as students could procure.

"If you were a bass player.." You began, watching him fly through the kitchen with practiced ease to get all of the necessary ingredients, his sleeves rolled up to showcase his lean yet strong forearms. The ink on them calling out to your eyes like a siren's song."..What genre did you play, or listen to? Do you still listen to the same stuff you used to?"

He hummed thoughtfully as he turned the stove on, the fragrant butter melting quick on the pan as he seared the scallops, preparing the egg and cheese mixture for the carbonara on the side while keeping an eye on the cooking seafood.

"We used to play punk music, a lot of rock, some metal. So it used to be what I would listen to younger as well, and while my tastes have mellowed to more jazz and classical at times, I will not lie that I still mostly listen to those genres."

You nodded, giving a small vocal acknowledgment as you remembered that he could not see you while his eyes were on the stove. The pasta were soon added to a boiling pot of water, beautiful and freshly made.

"Did you even make the pasta?" You asked incredulously.

"Indeed." He smiled up at you, pulling his eye patch away to lay it on the counter before taking a sip of his own drink, prompting you to do the same.

He quickly plated the scallops before cleaning the pan, returning it to the stove and pouring some fatty meat above it. Guanciale from what you know, yet you could be wrong, but no matter the name the smell was incredibly divine as he rendered the fat. The pasta was barely drained, brought into the pan next and followed with the egg and parmesan mixture, the starch water leaving a creamy consistency and an unparalleled sheen to the dish that he quickly plated as well.

"Do you want me to help you set the table?" You asked, feeling all too guilty at letting him do all the work.

"Nonsense, tonight is about you, my darling. Just stay where you are and let me do the work, you've been dealing with my uncouth behavior this week and it is the least I could do to earn your forgiveness."

Water was soon placed on the table alongside silverware and the plates were brought to you, Silco taking his seat next to you after washing the used dishes. The array of food was salivating, beautiful smells and sights prompting your stomach to growl in an embarrassingly hungry way while you looked at the man besides you guiltily.

"This looks amazing, Silco. Thank you for making this for me. But just know that…There was nothing to forgive and you don't need to earn anything from me, not now, not ever."

His eyes found yours and regarded you with such tenderness you nearly felt like crying, his hand holding yours softly before he brought it to his lips, kissing at your knuckles lovingly.

"Then let us say that this is simply me loving you the way I have been wishing to for months, yes?"

"Yes." Came your breathless answer before your stomach voiced its presence once more, leaving you to blush as Silco chuckled.

"Then let's dig in, my darling. Ladies first."

You hid your embarrassment by smirking. "What, so you can poison me?"

His hand left yours, laying across his chest as a fake hurt expression overtook his scarred face.

"My dear you hurt me so!" He gaped. "Not on the first date, but perhaps on the third it could be an entirely different story."

"Not the second either?" You huffed out a laugh as you took your fork and knife, cutting a bite size portion of the garlic and parsley butter pan seared scallops, moaning in delight as the flavors burst on your tongue.

"Of course not, I am a gentleman, I must make you trust me first."

You would have been shocked at the snort leaving you if it weren't for the playful look in his eyes and the delicious meal overtaking every single one of your taste buds currently.

The rest of the meal was spent talking in similar ways, an amazing homemade dinner filling both your heart and stomach as you bantered and talked softly about the last couple of books on the syllabus, his home life and other small mundane, yet very much important subjects. The bottle had gone down until the both of you were on your last glasses, plates discarded in the dishwasher as you enjoyed the rest of your evening on the couch. It was plush and comfortable and did wonders on your pained and tense body as you cuddled close to Silco, your body curled up so close to his that it may as well be on it.

One of his arms was around you, stroking your shoulder gently as his head laid back on the back rest, his other hand nursing his drink while yours was cradled between your hands. It was comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's warmth while you drank, your presences fulfilling you just like your talk over dinner did.

But then the glasses were empty, placed on the coffee table while you wrapped your thighs around his, your face inhaling his scent from his neck. His heat surrounding you as you scratched at his hair, humming a soft tune while he massaged at your thighs.

You gazed up at him as if he hung up the stars. In the dimmed moody light he seemed beyond beautiful, the scars on his face deepened yet his skin softer and smoother. As if the peace making his face more gentle had stolen some of his years from him and made him younger. His eyes seemed trained on you as you met them, as if he were sketching you within his mind, carving your image beneath his eyelids so to never forget you. And with the small smile curling his lips, you knew that, in a way, you were right.

"What's going on in that mind of yours, mh my love?"

"I am merely appreciating how lucky I am to be beloved by someone such as you."

His words made you unstick yourself ever so slightly, now face to face with him.

"Someone like me?"

He nodded, one of his hands coming up to cradle your face. His thumb caressing at your soft, plump cheek, traveling to and fro your pink lips.

"My darling, you are kind, strong, incredibly intelligent and wise beyond your years. Courageous, selfless, understanding and…Gods, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes upon in all my years on this planet. You make hell seem worth going through again if only to gaze at your face."

And then, before you even had a chance to answer, Silco's lips were upon yours. Unhurried and sweet, they tasted like the wine the two of you had consumed, sweet and tart, spicy and woodsy. And along with the scent of his cologne, the warm of his touch…You felt as if the gods above had blessed you.

His tongue gently licked at you, spreading your mouth open to dip in and taste you even deeper as if he were hungry for more despite the meal the two of you had shared.

You moaned at the feel of your tongues intertwining, your hips rolling once on his as last week's desires came back with a vengeance. Memories flowing back like the Demacian currents at the feel of him hard beneath you, at the pleasure he brought upon you while he let you use him at your leisure while feasting on your lust as if it fed his own. Satisfied by your climax even if he hadn't reached his own.

The hand at your waist flexed, bringing you down upon him in a slow rhythm, enough to tease, to keep the embers warm, yet not enough to set them ablaze once more. Your body heated up as you chased his mouth with your own, a stirring beneath you showing you that Silco was indeed also tempted by your flesh as you were with his.

And, as your kiss grew in fervor, teeth softly clashing, biting at one another's lips, hips grinding against one another's; his hand dipped from your waist to your behind. He grabbed at the flesh, his hand nearly big enough to fully grasp at one of your buttocks despite your plush size. And from his groan, you knew that he felt it as well, just how he could cover nearly the whole of you despite your difference in size, in shape.

"Let me bed you, please my darling. I cannot let myself lose control without properly loving you first. You deserve comfort, you deserve devotion, worship…Let me lay you across my mattress and savor you, I beg of you."

Silco panted against your lips, face screwed as if being away from you pained him, yet the adoration in his words had you nodding and slipping from his lap. A soft smile painted your lips as you stood up, one hand outstretched towards the man.

"Silco, you silly man. Take me to bed or lose me forever."

You reiterated your soft quip from the prior day and his face relaxed, fingers intertwined with yours as he got up from the couch.

"I shall take you up on that offer, my dear."

Then his arms were around you, lifting you up with the ease of a man caring for four children, a man who fought tooth and nail for most of his life. His lean muscles hiding dormant strength that he now took full advantage of as he carried you through the beautiful house and up the stairs, walking through decorated corridors before bringing the two of you into a room.

It was sleek, decorated with dark ornate furniture as the sheets of the bed you were lain on were silky and saturated, colored a blood red reminiscent of the one he often wore, the one you drank in the form of the Ionian red that very same evening. Your hair was spread on the bed around your head like a halo, and with how Silco looked at you, you believed to have become the reincarnation of a god. His eyes shone down on you with all the splendor of celestial gold as his fingers brushed your body with the reverence of a devout in worship.

"May I?" He uttered, whispered almost, as his fingers reached for the buttons keeping you from his eyes.

"Yes, my love."

Is all you could say, breathless and needy as his fingers made quick work of your shirt. Gently and slowly yet with barely hidden urgency, bubbling right beneath the surface of the facade he always held. Now barely kept up as his desire finally surfaced.

The more your skin was revealed to Silco, soft, plump and flushed, decorated with stretch marks and scars, the more that mask seemed to crumble. The devotion in his eyes swirling, mixing with raw hunger. But he remained calm, the only clue to his underlying lust being the quicker rise and fall of his chest as he took deeper breaths.

His fingers found themselves caressing you as he pulled the article of clothing away, trailing fire down your skin as he reached to your bottoms. Thumbs hooked over the waistband and his eyes looked up for a moment to ask for permission, and at your nod he pulled them off. His hands now began to tremble, from excitement, from apprehension, from the dam of his emotion growing thinner as his desires grew torrential, clashing against the carefully crafted walls he had built for himself.

"Gods.." He spat out, out of breath and strained as he gazed upon the lace adorning your body.

Dark red and black, held by golden metal reflecting in the soft lighting of the room.

You knew why you chose these colors, and by his reaction so did he.

"My darling, you look…As if you were borne of Janna herself. Your beauty is beyond compare. I cannot believe that you are mine, this must be a dream.."

He whispered, his lips tracing over the hem of your panties before he kissed up your rounded stomach, around your bra and over the swell of your breasts to make a path up to your neck where he softly suckled.

He had branded you as his.

Your hands came to cradle his face as you looked up at him, caressing at the scars and wrinkles that a lifetime of pain had bestowed upon him, a curse in his eyes but a blessing in yours.

"It is no dream, I am very much real, lain on your bed within the safety of your arms. So go on, take whatever you need."

"I want to take your pleasure, I want to gorge myself from it. May I? Please, please allow me to."

You brushed your lips upon his as you dragged his head down to yours, a promise breathed against his tongue that left shivers raking through his body.

"Claim what is yours, my love."

And with those simple words he pulled away, his arms embracing you with all of the love he held for you before his hands unclasped the lace holding up your chest, freeing it from its confines. His mouth kissed and marked as your neck, his warm calloused hands holding the soft mounds, massaging them as his thumbs passed over your nipples, the rough skin doing wonders against your sensitive, pebbled flesh.

When your back arched to his touch, Silco created a path of plum colored brands to the soft flesh of your breasts, a gasp echoing from you and into the emptiness of the room as he closed his lips over one of your nipples. The hand containing the other suddenly pinching softly, pulling at the soft flesh as his tongue lavished you, all too soon switching places, suckling with the fervor of a newborn babe would his mother. Although you know that, from the heat climbing within you like hellfire, your core growing molten like metal in a crucible, that it must have been much longer than it felt. After deciding that he had worshiped that part of your body enough to his liking, or even perhaps out of growing urgency, he decided to leave the imprint of his teeth over your chest, red semi jagged marks now decorating the satin of your skin.

Then, his tongue, usually sharp with carefully picked words, cut through you as he made his way down, coloring your skin with new blooming bruises as he went. Coming to his knees at the foot of the bed as if praying, he pulled you closer. His hands caressing up you thighs with a careful pace until they reached the hem of your underwear. The last piece keeping him from the heavens, if you could judge by the wanton look in his eyes which snap up to yours.

Aquamarine and jasper encased in black velvet glowed with barely restrained desire as he knelt before you.

"Let me."

And thus, you lifted your hips, the last piece of clothing hiding your body finally removed, letting the man before you gaze at the full expanse of your uncovered skin. Marked by time, by war and now by the man before you. And by the low groan he let out, you knew he enjoyed the sight of you laid bare before him, his hands pushing at the thick flesh of your thighs to present your dripping cunt to his eyes.

The look of you alone seemed to break him, crumbling the last of his resolve as he muttered an apology against your knee, which he kissed, before pinching the skin of your legs between his teeth as he made his way up. New marks bloomed where only he could see, and at the apex of your thighs his good eye fluttered close as he took a deep inhale, reveling in the smell of you.

"C-"

"Stop asking for permission, my love. Go on. I am yours to please, so let go for me and just take me already." You reassured, pushing strands of his hair that had fallen on his forehead back into the rest of his slick back.

The last of control he held over himself broke like chalk within his hands, something in his eyes had snapped, the final thread of the tapestry of restraint finally cut loose as he dipped his head between your legs.

At the first upwards lick of his flattened tongue you keened, your thighs shaking as the dreams you touched yourself to finally came to fruition. Your back arched painfully and your hips lifted, which prompted him to perch your thighs upon his shoulders, his hands encasing your hips to pin them to the mattress as he feasted upon you like a starved man being given the ambrosia feeding the gods. You cared not for the sting in your spine as pleasure washed over it and rendered it null.

At first Silco licked, your moans coaxing him to circle your clit with slow, torturous flicks of his tongue, laced with faster, more powerful movements that had you singing to him as if you were a choir of angels descending from Mount Targon. Then his lips were on you, the vacuum of his mouth proving to be worth losing your wings for. And as you praised him with breathless whines, he doubled in his efforts, his own pleasured croaks vibrating against your sensitive flesh as he devoured you.

He was feasting on you as if you were a banquet laid before him, for him only, and you were. So he took it in stride. His tongue dipping at your entrance, breaching you open while you writhed beneath him, his nose perfectly angled up to massage at the engorged button upon the top of your mound as he thrust the muscle into your wet heat. His eyes kept their course on your body, tasting every tremor, every moan, every way your face screwed in pleasure and committing them to memory.

"Gods! Yes, Just like that-" You nearly sobbed out. "Sir, please. You feel so good."

His eyes rolled back at the name, his tongue leaving you as you whined, yet soon replaced by two of his fingers slowly entering you after he took one of his hands away from your hips. The other hand squeezed at the plush flesh there in warning.

"Do not move, my sweet girl. Let sir please you as you deserve." He nearly hissed as his digits breached you easily due to your slick and to his ministrations. Yet he caught his lip between his chipped teeth.

"You told me you touched yourself to the thought of me, did it feel as good as my fingers inside of you, mh? Did it feel as good as my mouth tasting all you have to offer?"

You shook your head, a whimper escaping you before he curled his fingers up and tremors raked through you.

"Speak up, darling. Did it?"

"No! No, sir, it didn't! Nothing came close to you, nothing ever could. Please!"

"You're right, nothing ever could. Your pleasure is mine now, yes?" Silco thrust his fingers slowly, the come hither motion touching something within you that you didn't know of.

"Yes!" You cried out and his pace increased.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, sir!" You began unraveling beneath his ministrations, your mind melting as he let go of his inhibitions and finally let himself consume the way he craved so desperately.

"Good girl."

These words were the last ones he uttered as he enclosed your clit within his mouth once more, his fingers moving faster as you began pulsating around him, your thighs trapping his head in a vice. You moaned loudly as he spread you open for him, scissoring his digits to stretch you open further for what was about to come.

But so were you.

Getting closer as he sucked on your sensitive flesh, the soft burn of his movements to open you pairing with the thrum of his lips upon you and the sharp pleasure of his come hither motion, grazing a spot within your cunt that had you sobbing for relief. It felt like heaven and hell had come crashing down upon you, trapping you in a perpetual limbo of imposed pleasure that you would refuse for nothing in the world.

And then with a loud cry at his fingers, you noticed that Silco's eyes gleamed as if he had found something he was looking for all along. Then, with focused thrusts of his fingers, he zeroed in on that very same spot, your pleasure climbing much higher than you could have ever imagined. Your body was quaking, your voice breaking at how loud you cried out for him, the edge growing closer as if you ran towards it with abandon, the coil in your stomach pulled taut while your hands tangled in his hair, tugging and pulling him closer. He let you, humming as he reveled in your own loss of control.

"Come for me, my sweet girl."

The band snapped at his words, as if all you needed was his permission. Your orgasm rushing over you like a monsoon in early summer. Your cunt clenched around his fingers as you gushed across his face, the man groaning at your taste, at the feeling of you completely unraveled beneath him as he coaxed all of your desire out of you. Gorging on your lust and juices as if they were the only things sustaining him.

When his face came back up, his fingers still working the last of your brink from you, his face and shirt were stained with your release, gleaming in the light before he softly placed your thighs back down.

You were heaving, whimpering and trembling as his hands caressed your waist, massaging at the plump flesh of your stomach to comfort you, to help you come down from your high.

"That's it, sweetling. Breathe for me. You've done so good."

He soothed, licking at his fingers afterwards to waste nothing of what you had so graciously given to him. And when his eyes raked over your ruined form he got up, sitting beside you and pushing some of your sweaty hair away from your face. His other arm massaging at your tender back.

"How do you feel, my darling. Was that too much?"

You shook your head, curling up at his side as you gripped onto his shirt.

"No. No, it was perfect. But…"

He hummed inquisitively, the backs of his fingers caressing your cheek.

"But..?"

You tugged at the clothing covering him as if it were offensive to you.

"I need you. Please? Need all of you."

His chuckle rattled through him and he encased your trembling hands with his own, helping you in undoing the buttons of his shirt. The past gentle pace now completely forgone for desperate urgency as you pulled the fabric off of him, revealing more than you could have ever hoped for.

Beneath perfectly fitted shirts and vests, beneath elegant and dark silks, Silco was much more than a simple man. He was gorgeous like a piece painted by the masters of old, painted with ink from his wrists to his shoulders, his ribs underlined by dark nearly sigilistic lines. Something you've come to learn is very much a Zaunite art form.

And as he got off from the bed, you noticed the muscles rippling beneath his skin, the lean body nothing of one would expect when looking at a man such as him. He was shaped by the gods themselves, lithe yet carved with silent power. His chest was bare of hair yet as your eyes trailed down, you could see a small trail leading from his navel, the rest leading to what you needed most at the moment yet hidden beneath the belt keeping his fitted trousers perfectly cinched at his hips.

A glint caught your eyes and they traveled up his body to his chest, finding small metal studs decorating Silco's nipples. Something truly unexpected from him, yet somehow fitting after learning of his youth. So you knelt on the bed, your hands reaching up to map the tattoos and scars on his milky skin, feeling his muscles tense and relax beneath your touch. He looked flustered beneath your intense gaze, carving the sight of him in your mind for the rest of your life, red heat tainting his cheeks and down his neck while you worshiped him the same way he had you, kissing up his body.

He trembled as your lip caught onto the piercing on one of his pebbled nipples, and your face screwed up apologetically.

"I'm sorry, did it hurt?"

He smiled gently, one of his hand passing through your hair in soothing motions.

"No, my darling. They're so old that they do not hurt anymore, but they are rather…sensitive." His voice dipped, the velvety tone now gravelly with need as the last word was tainted with a more suggestive tone.

One of his hands reached for yours once more, bringing it to his pectorals and laying it warmly upon it.

"You may touch, do not be afraid." His voice was careful, strained just like the tent softly twitching beneath the fabric of his bottoms, and as your lips came down to mark his neck his chest only rose and fell harder.

Your thumb caressed the piercing and your other hand joined its twin, leaving Silco groaning and panting as you left your claim on him, just beneath where his shirt collar would fall. The hand in your hair gripped gently while you came further up, catching his lips with yours in a heady, desperate kiss. Your tongues intertwined in a waltz while your fingers wandered lower to the brass clasp of your lover's belt.

"Can I?"

"Yes. Oh, gods, yes.." He breathed on your lips, puffs of air hot and expelled with such desperation that you realized just how much he still restrained himself.

So your tongue began its path downwards, teeth leaving their mark across Silco's chest and abdomen before you undid his belt, your fingers pulling the fastening apart and unbuttoning his trousers, taking them down before he stepped out of them. Left only in his briefs, you could see just how you've affected him, a soft stain wetting the side of the straining fabric.

Pride overtook you at seeing just how badly he craved you, at how much he needed you despite his control over himself, despite how you thought you had already unraveled him.

You scooted back and placated your chest to the mattress, your hips rising up as Silco moaned lowly at the sight of you arching, one hand on your lower back so his warmth can seep into your muscles and relieve some of the aching pain at the position you took. You kissed over his length, feeling his warmth under your lips, twitching and strained beneath the fabric, your nose burrowed in the trail of hair leading to your prize, your reward for months of abstinence.

And the feeling of the fist gripping your hair now pulling tighter, you give the tent one last kiss before pulling the last of Silco's clothes off, his cock springing free from its confines as he his now laid bare before you.

The sight of him like this for you, panting, his eyes darkened by lust, naked and needy for you was a glorious one.

And so was his length.

It was long and heavy, dripping with need, veins along its sides pumping with ardor as his crown wept for you. You had no other choice than to taste it, your mouth closing around it as your lover's other hand reached for your head, his thighs flexing as he stopped himself from thrusting in the heat of your lips. The groan he let out was purely divine as the bittersweet flavor of his precome coated your tongue, coaxing out moans of your own away from your vocal chords, your body quaking with desire.

From the look in his eyes, wild yet restrained like a beast in a cage, you knew that it took all he had to not welcome himself within the depths of your throat. And it was even more so as he pulled you away, gulps of air rising through his chest.

"I cannot…I cannot wait anymore. Lay back, sweet girl, and let me take you." Silco's words were rushed, and you immediately followed his demand, your body laid on the soft silk once more.

For a moment he stood there, taking in the sight before him once more, committing it to memory, before he crawled over you. He pushed your thighs apart, bringing them to wrap around his waist before his hand gripped at his member, pumping twice with a shaky sigh before he tapped it across your sensitive core.

"How badly do you want me, my dear?"

You whimpered and shook at the sudden stimulation.

"So damn much, sir. Please. Please take me already, I've been good." Your desperation showed itself in a needy whine as you answered your lover.

"Good." He let out a growl as his tip caught onto your entrance, his hips pushing it forwards as he speared you open deliciously. "Good girl."

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you felt him stretch you open inch by inch, and it all felt endless in the best of ways. The veins adorning his length feeling as if they had been carved onto him to solely bring you pleasure, as if all of him was tailor made for you. And by the way his teeth found your neck, jagged and biting into your flesh to remain as slow as possible, you know that he felt as if you had been created to accommodate him as well.

It felt like an eternity before his pelvis rested upon yours, his movements stopping to let you get used to the size of him, which couldn't be described as anything else but decadent. You felt full in a way you never had before, your arms wrapping around Silco in a warm embrace as the both of you simply remained there unmoving. Taking in the feeling of finally being joined after such a long time yearning for one another.

His lips soothed at the sting of his bite, brushing apologetically before he rose.

"Are you alright, my dear?"

"Yes. I'm feeling better than I ever have." Your soft, brokenly whispered answer was followed with an exchange of smiles, your lover's mouth coming down upon yours as he began rolling his hips back and forth in a languid pace.

"As do I, my darling. Now, let me love you as you deserve."

Your small nod was incentive enough as he gently picked up the pace, slow and full of affection as his eyes described a devotion that not even a man as verbose as Silco could explain with words. You felt, through his gaze, like you were the single most precious thing in his world, and you knew you were. Just as he knew from looking down to you that he was.

"You are, and forever will be, the owner of my heart, my sweet girl. So let go for me, let yourself feel the extent of my affections."

You felt each drag of his cock within your walls, they were concise, purposeful, angled to perfection to let you feel all of him. And as his hands grabbed your waist, softly as if you were made of the purest of glass, his hips began moving faster, his tongue licking at his lips as groans of pleasure left him, rattling through his chest just like every deep breath he took. You made noises of your own, the plump flesh of your body bouncing with each thrust as you moaned with abandon, letting go just as asked by the man loving you as if you were a god and he a believer.

"You are divine." He grunted, his head moving as if it wished to roll back yet he kept it in place, his eyes showering you with adoration.

"You are glorious." His jaw snapped as his hips did, slowly growing faster in their movement, the drag of his member within the wet heat of your cunt nearly sending you into a frenzy. The flames in the hearth of your core growing brighter once more.

"You are an aspect of godhood brought upon by Mount Targon itself." His good eye fluttered as he grunted, the muscles of his chest and abdomen tensing as he fucked into you.

"You are worthy of worship." His pelvis rolled deliciously against your clit as he angled his hips further up, your thighs wrapping tighter around his waist as your own head rolled back.

You found yourself unable to keep your eyes trained on the man above you, pleasure overtaking your every atom to sing for him and him alone, just as your voice became a choir chanting his praise, chanting his name. Your desire, your love, had transcended to something you felt was nearly holy. Something that once upon a time you would have felt undeserving of, but could not bring yourself to as Silco's love rained upon you like a shower of gold from the heavens. Bright and shimmering, cleansing you of every sin you have committed although they weren't your own.

"Silco." You sung his name like a devout, and he sang yours in response.

He grew more frantic, the grind of his hips against your mound like a hammer upon an anvil, the thrust of his cock within the crucible of your warmth.. It was as if the both of you melted into one another, forging yourselves into something greater, something more pure, through a trial by fire.

"And you are mine now, my darling, as I am yours. Wholly yours, mind, body and soul." He had lost the remaining control he exercised upon himself as he rutted into you with abandon, his lips burning their brand onto your skin once more like a blacksmith does upon his tools.

Yet you were no tool to Silco, no.

You were his everything.

The water he drank, the food he feasted upon, the air he breathed.

Just as he was yours.

And as the fire within you grew into a blaze, as metal turned molten, as the strike of the hammer rattled through the anvil with each of his thrusts within you, you felt yourself nearing your completion. Brought upon faster due to the remaining pleasure left from his mouth upon your cunt, by the inferno of desire shaking your very essence.

He felt it through the clenching of your cunt around his member, your whimpers and whines growing louder, so frequent you felt even the air in your lungs burning you.

"Come for me, my sweet girl. Let me feel you, please."

His words were rough, moans and pants growing in sound as he willed himself to remain sane long enough to coax your pleasure from you a second time. And he didn't have to for long as you quaked beneath him, your core gripping him like a vice as he thrust into you with more ardor, his speed dictated by his desire as your climax brought upon his.

"I love you!" You sobbed, tears flowing down your cheeks and carving a path down the heated skin, the feeling of such all consuming pleasure wringing the words from you. A confession so sacred that it had Silco stutter in his movements, his own desire nearing its completion as he enjoyed the feeling of your devotion washing over him.

"Gods." He cried out. "Exactly like that. Yes. Let go. Bless me with your pleasure, bestow upon me all you wish to give me and I'll drink from it like a wanderer in the desert."

He shook as he fucked into you harder, his cock pulsing within your wet, clenching heat. His arms moving to encase you wholly, bringing you to his chest as he dropped onto you, the sharp angles of his features melding with your soft form as if to fuse himself into you. Your back cried in an agony that was so much lesser compared to the pleasure consuming you, the heat and care of his touch making you forget about what had become a constant reminder of your cruel past.

You felt them, his own tears wetting your neck as he gave a final series of thrusts.

"I love you, gods, I love you so-" He whined against your skin, spilling himself within you as he reached his own climax, your pulsating walls milking him for all he was worth.

The metal had been forged into something beautiful, quenched from its heat by your shared devotion, the hearth's flame had been satiated, and now all that was left were embers warming your heart as the both of you became one.

It was strange, the feeling of completion. As if there was a void within you all your life, made greater by the trials you endured, and he filled it as if he were the only one able to.

You knew he was.

Just as he knew you were the only one able to fill the void left within him after his own life had carved a hole in his soul.

That no one else but you could love you this way, the broken and ugly parts of you loved my the broken and ugly parts of him. Calloused hands piecing each other back together into a stained glass tableau of adoration, no matter the bleeding cuts they may suffer.

And your beauty? He beheld it too, just as you beheld his.

And even now, even more so now, you knew that he did. Especially as he rolled himself onto his back, bringing you to lay upon his chest, you felt the loud thumping of his heart against his rib cage, the two of you still joined and very much unwilling to take yourselves away from the warmth of his member within you. Your eyes grew heavy, comfort and your satiated soul melding into exhaustion all too soon under his care.

His hands caressed your skin, memorizing every scar, every stretch mark, every pore.

"How do you feel, sweet thing?"

Your hands weakly gripped him, exhaustion rendering you boneless after the act of passion that had been bestowed upon you like the grace of the gods above.

"Perfect."

A chuckle rattled softly through his chest as his hands began massaging at your lower back, a preventive measure for the agonizing pain you were sure to feel once the last of your pleasure ebbed away.

"As do I, dear."

Silence rang loudly in the room, comfortable and pillowy soft.

"Perhaps I should clean you up? Would you like a glass of water, my darling?"

You shook your head upon his chest, nuzzling your face on his hot skin.

"No, please. Let's just stay like this."

"Very well, as you wish." A kiss was placed on the crown of your head after his answer and his body bent and shifted below you, a soft silky fabric suddenly cooling your burning skin as he brought the bed sheets atop the of you. "Close your eyes, you are safe. It's alright, dear, you can rest now. I shall care for you in the morning."

Your eyes grew heavier, fluttering shut as you let yourself melt into him, his words and care lulling your exhausted form nearer to slumber. When you felt one of his hands travel to your hair, his chest rumbling as he hummed a lullaby, you decided to heed his advice.

And the closer you got to sleep, the more gentle everything felt. His voice seeming farther away from you as minutes passed, your body floating in a beautiful starry void, one only present when you were held by him just like so.

"I love you, Silco." You managed to whisper against his chest.

And with another kiss placed upon your head, his voice soothed your mind into slumber while a soft smile curled at your lips.

"And I love you, my sweet girl."

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[astrologydray]

♍️Virgo Mc in the each of the degrees♍️

If you have a Virgo Midheaven (MC), your career and public image are shaped by Virgo’s themes of precision, analysis, service, and mastery. You likely thrive in careers requiring problem-solving, organization, and attention to detail, such as healthcare, science, writing, education, research, or business administration.

• 0° Virgo (Aries Point) – A powerful initiator in service-based or intellectual fields. May gain recognition in medicine, science, or social reform.

• 1° Virgo – A perfectionist with strong critical thinking skills. Could succeed in editing, analytics, or quality control.

• 2° Virgo – A talented communicator; could thrive in writing, journalism, or teaching.

• 3° Virgo – An analytical mind, ideal for investigative work, research, or forensics.

• 4° Virgo – A love for learning and refinement; may excel in academia, law, or technical writing.

• 5° Virgo – A meticulous worker; likely to succeed in finance, administration, or data analysis.

• 6° Virgo – Naturally inclined toward healthcare, therapy, or alternative medicine.

• 7° Virgo – A precise, creative thinker; may find success in graphic design, architecture, or craftsmanship.

• 8° Virgo – Drawn to healing professions, including nutrition, physical therapy, or holistic medicine.

• 9° Virgo – A problem-solver with innovative ideas. Could thrive in technology, engineering, or logistics.

• 10° Virgo – A strong educator; may work in teaching, coaching, or mentoring.

• 11° Virgo – A tech-savvy, analytical mind; may excel in IT, cybersecurity, or programming.

• 12° Virgo – A perfectionist in fashion, music, or fine arts. Success through precise craftsmanship.

• 13° Virgo – A highly responsible worker; may thrive in law enforcement, military, or humanitarian work.

• 14° Virgo – Health-conscious with a sharp mind. Could be drawn to dietetics, fitness, or medical research.

• 15° Virgo – A master of writing, editing, or academic research.

• 16° Virgo – Business-minded; excels in consulting, financial planning, or business strategy.

• 17° Virgo – A detail-oriented expert; could work in surgery, pharmaceuticals, or scientific research.

• 18° Virgo – A deep humanitarian drive; drawn to nonprofits, environmental work, or psychology.

• 19° Virgo – A critical thinker who excels in law, politics, or policy-making.

• 20° Virgo – A master of their craft; recognized for expertise in specialized fields.

• 21° Virgo – Exceptionally intellectual; may thrive in philosophy, academia, or technical writing.

• 22° Virgo – An innovative thinker; could work in product design, systems development, or efficiency consulting.

• 23° Virgo – A strong researcher; may specialize in history, archeology, or science.

• 24° Virgo – An excellent communicator; may succeed in broadcasting, publishing, or public relations.

• 25° Virgo – A sharp and strategic mind; could work in legal fields, investigative journalism, or intelligence.

• 26° Virgo – A healer at heart; may be drawn to nursing, surgery, or psychological counseling.

• 27° Virgo – A gifted analyst; could thrive in economics, data science, or cybersecurity.

• 28° Virgo – A precise and disciplined artist; success in sculpture, architecture, or technical art.

• 29° Virgo (Anaretic Degree) – A master strategist, perfectionist, or critic. Success comes through expertise, refinement, and precision. However, may struggle with overanalyzing or career indecision.

[zazaiafe2]

The power of sensory immersion for shifting

1) Why is sensory immersion so powerful?

Your brain doesn't really distinguish between an imagined and a real sensory experience

When you engage your senses (sight, sound, touch, smell...), you create .almost real signals.

This activates deep neural networks of immersion and facilitates letting go.

-> Sensory immersion helps to blur the line between CR and DR.

2) Do NOT force visualization

-> "I can't visualize" -> It's not a problem

Many shifters have noticed:

The more you FORCE the images, the more the analytical mind stays active.

The goal: let the sensations come naturally.

You don't need to perfectly "see" everything. You can:

- Feel-> Emotions, sensations.

- Hear -> Sounds from your DR.

- Imagine textures-> Your DR bed.

- Create ambiances.

3) Sensory profiles are different

We don't all have the same dominant sense. Find your strength:

- Olfactory : Imagined smells (perfume, rain, food)

- Auditory : Music from your DR, background sounds (cafes, forest, city, rain…)

- Visual: Blurred decors, dominant colors, symbols, your DR room

- Tactile: Skin sensations (wind, sheets, fabrics…)

- Gustatory: Taste of what you eat there

-> Identify which senses are easiest to invoke for you. Start with them.

For example, you can listen to this ambient sound if you shift to Hogwarts.

4) Scientific help, the role of the Default Mode Network

Your brain has a network that calms down when you immerse yourself sensorially.

This reduces internal dialogue and the "critical mind" that often blocks you.

-> The less your mind analyzes, the more your unconscious takes over, and ego identification decreases.

5) How to let images and sounds come without forcing

1) Breathe slowly .

2) Allow yourself to be blurry.

3) Start with small simple scenes.

4) Observe rather than actively create.

5) Don't look for "perfection", just try to "feel".

-> The more you let go, the more details come by themselves.

You can do a short meditation beforehand to relax and help you be in the present moment.

6) The importance of ASC (Altered States of Consciousness)

Immersion is facilitated in ASC (hypnagogic state, deep relaxation, light trance, it's not mandatory but seems to make things easier).

You can:

- Practice before sleep.

-Do gentle meditation .

- Use appropriate binaural sounds .

-> The altered state allows the analytical mind to disconnect and facilitates fusion with your DR.

Just after meditation you can put a subliminal or alpha waves for example

Julia method link

There are even subliminals that mix theta wave, affirmations and Sound atmosphere.

7) Practical examples according to your profile and what you prefer

- Auditory: Playlist of your DR during preparation

- Visual: Very simple scenes (just a dominant color at first, then an object where you are, and a room if you can)

- Tactile: Feel the sheet of your DR bed, the warmth of the sun, the texture of your DR pajamas

- Gustatory: Imagine tasting your DR breakfast

- Emotional: Feel the emotions you will have in your DR

-> The more you rely on YOUR strong channel, the more stable immersion becomes.

Examples of what people who shift on command can use

8) Do not try to control when the shift happens

-> Sensory immersion is a springboard.

The shift often triggers when you are immersed without trying to control the moment.

- Have fun "visiting" before "leaving."

- Release tension about the result.

- Obsession with the result blocks(Or at least decrease the chances); curiosity opens.

Even if you have trouble visualizing, you can rely on other things or your other senses.

9) What we learn from those who shift on command

Many report that this kind of non-forced immersion is key.

It's a balance:

->Sensory engagement + letting go = smoother shift.

Conclusion :Sensory immersion: a powerful tool, accessible to all.

No matter your profile.

You don't need to "visualize perfectly" .

You only need to play with your senses, let the experience build gently.

Remember: your brain is made for this.

[dialalagirl]

Can you like elaborate on your ratings for the diabro bc I' kinda'm curious okie

most certainly. your girl LOVES deep-diving so:

mandatory disclaimer: I am not condoning ANY of the fucked up shit they do nor do I think that any of them are LEGIT good boyfriends nor am I judging anyone's personal preferences. you do you boo~

additional disclaimer: my analysis is based near-solely on HDB 'cause it's my favourite and the sole reason I'm still in this fandom other than my lovely fans, 'cause imo all games after MB are straight burn-them-at-the-stakes material

Subaru: marry me plz bae. his response to the trauma with his mom (trying to pacify her and feeling a fuck-ton of self-hatred) hits way too close to home for me and is way too well written in HDB. even the HDB ecstasy scene where he almost rapes yui (although 110% horrifying) is analytically logical. he thinks himself as a corrupting body and does not understand why yui does not view him in this light (it's some messed up attempt at the self-fulfilling prophecy). he ultimately does not go through with it, showcasing the promise for renewal and diverging from his mother's fucked up image of him being his rapist father. I could ramble on forever about why I love his character, but I'll end it here before I get annoying

Shu: he is such an annoyingly sexy blonde, but I can't help it. I love his lazy ass. his apathy is not only logical, but personally relatable (one of my personal ways of dealing with trauma). plus the ending where yui becomes blind and he finally gets his act together, chef's kiss

Azusa: very interesting divergence from the other DL bros where he is the one who enjoys pain. his past is so fuckin' sad and his ending more so, even if it is kinda straight ass (like why are we naming children willingly after his abusers, who tf knows)

Ayato: in logical progression with his past, his depiction/obsession with being the best and being the mostly fragilely self-assured man I have ever seen is for the most part well-written. if I had to summarize my feelings towards him based on a single scene: when he actually enjoys learning math from yui, it breaks the fuckin' annoying ass trope of 'dumb ego bro who don't gaf', he actually responds well to praise. I just happen to see him more as a brother than a romantic interest haha

Laito: one of best written characters in the DL franchise from a psychological perspective. I have gone in length about this in another post, but I will reiterate here that his character arcs or lack thereof (depending on whether you look at HDB or MB) are wholly believable and in line with his personality as sourced from his childhood sexual trauma. personally, I am just not into perverts or the fedora getup 😂 plus bro needs to pay a fuck-ton of childhood support and I am not getting involved in that financial mess

Reiji: I have gone in length about this in another post, but to summarize: perfect depiction of the extremes of childhood emotional neglect in HDB, and his mixed feelings regarding shu are an analytical goldmine. suffice to say, his character arc in HDB is chef's kiss (when he gives up his plans of resurrecting his mother to save yui from coredelia, I was officially sold). admittedly, he's a smidge too dry and cold for my taste, but overall great character!

Ruki: kills a kitten yui takes care of for no good fuckin' reason, feeds her date rape drugs 'cause he is a jealous bastard, and is a overall Campbell soup of a man that rips off Reiji's rizz. also his past is ass. am I supposed to feel bad that the servants treated him like ass when he treated them like ass, or what? his obsession with becoming adam makes little sense tbh, since logically he knows he can do diddly squat (for that matter, the whole eve plot makes 0 sense, but that's a whole other story). but occasionally, I am forced to admit he does pull on the heart strings when he has nightmares

Yuma: eats humans, punches the daylights of yui whenever the fuck he wants, makes her a table, and for some reason resents that yui has dreams??? plus, amnesia is such a boring trope, I'm sorry. I don't see the shu/yuma chemistry. just a totally 'why did we need this plot'. i don't even understand how he can grow a garden if he is such an aggressive ape? but whatev. controversial opinion: his design is just meh

Kou: let me start off by saying that his backstory is chef's kiss psychoanalytically. no complains there. but bro is such an annoying irredeemable shit as a grown vamp. fucker literally puts yui on a dog’s leash, takes her on a walk on all fours in the park, and proceeds to punch the daylights of the one kind samaritan who tries to help her out. not to mention one of his many amazing tests of yui's love: turning the gas on everywhere and threatening to turn on a lighter to kill the both of you. like da fuck is this supposed to prove???? considering that he has the magic eye that can see your true intentions, why on yezus' green earth is he bothering to do ANY OF THIS SHIT (since obivously yui is a genuine bean)? 'cause rejet wrote a shit character, that's why :)

Kino: discount ayato with a hard-on for video-games ('cause I guess that makes him relatable to the fellow kids?). that's all I have to say

Kanato: he looks like a child, behaves like a child, and--as far as I can tell--has no meaningful character arc. even his vampire ending in HDB is just making yui go delulu, so. his history with Cordelia admittedly piques my psychoanalytical tendencies tho :')

Carla/Shin: first off, designs are straight ass. granny and one-patch monocle man have literally nil redeemable traits and their backstory is unabashed nonsense, I'm sorry. we really didn't need founders and genocidal viruses to fuck up the already inconsistent world building in DL. also, who the fuck logically banks on one skinny blonde girl to revive an entire species? suffice to say, I have read none of their routes in detail and I don't plan to

[fatallucidity]

I’ve been wanting to rant about this scene for a whiiiile chat. So here goes. This is from chapter 85. I’m a Loki simp so I just gotta.

I cannot get over the adorable art style change here!! He just looks so cute and playful. Yes, he’s always playful and laid back, but with Hilde, he just seems more…. Genuine. Like this is him actually trying to be friendly and make her smile. He often smiles maliciously when being snide or passive aggressive with Odin, especially when poking fun at him. Here, his smile just looks so much different. He looks pretty different from the start of the series, but it’s a very pleasant change. He still got those hips plus those amazing arms.

Hilde looks so pretty in that panel. Like my girl is just so gorgeous. I also love how Loki seems to want to actually help her. Gotta love his goofy poses.

The height difference is silly-

Also Loki trying convince her some more.

I CANNOT WITH THIS HILDE FRAME. She looks so beautiful. Whatever artist is drawing these oh so slayful lips on Beel and Hilde, I thank you.

Loki looks more sly here like he’s planning on doing more than just saving her. He just looks so smug, he thinks he’s convincing her. I just love when he floats around. He looks so cute and hot at the same time. THOSE HIIIIIIIPS THAT BACK CUUUURVE.

I’m still not quite sure how to interpret his little jig here lmao. Like Loki baby what’re you doing there??? It’s interesting how he claims to be better at convincing Odin than most, then asks her for a special favor.

I’m not surprised she interpreted this as being a transaction. He did certainly insinuate something, but given his reaction, he wasn’t trying to get her to hand over her body. His reaction is kind of adorable. He looks so flustered like “what did you just say-“ Possible Loki respecting women? Not confirmed really, given the whole doll thi-

Hilde my beloved. Straight up doesn’t care if she dies, since she knows that’s how Ragnarok works. Loki just looks so frustrated.

Here we get a glimpse of how petty Loki really is. He knew Siegfried is a sensitive spot for Hilde, he knew saying that would piss her off, that’s why he did it. In the exact moment she refused, he panicked and just reacted with pettiness to try and convince her to go along with his plan to save her. This shows us he really isn’t that mature. While he’s extremely intelligent and cunning, very sharp witted and analytical, he’s just immature in the long run. Loki deep down is petty and cunning in ways that gets people to do what he wants. Lemme remind y’all of season two of the anime when he’s fighting Buddha, Kondou, Sasaki, and Okita.

“Things don’t just go our way. We make it happen.”

This scene also perplexes me. He’s seems excited to learn about this, but probably because he’s planning something malicious. He knows Siegfried is her lover, and he’s filing that away for evil plans to get at her, maybe even to try and kill Siegfried. If he takes out her lover, he might think she feels all alone and will be more inclined to go to him for help. The art here is just amazing too. That panel of him looking stunned mid smile is mwahhh.

Once again. Her LIIIPS. MWAHS. she looks amazing as ever. Her cold response is expected. She sees Loki as the enemy given he’s a god who’s against saving humanity. My goodness his reaction is so sad. Like he’s just stunned at how unfeeling she is towards him. Once again Loki, immaturity won’t do shit.

Anyways, there’s my rant. I’ve used up the mobile image limit lmaoooo. I might talk about this more, but this just got me thinking, especially with the sad panel of Loki from the new chapter. Hope yall enjoyed, thanks for coming to me Ted talk

[myeagleexpert]

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖛𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖔𝖋 𝖘𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖎𝖊𝖘

sinopse:The curious case of the prefect of Ramcharcke raises theories and hypotheses, and each has a basis for it. Which one will be right? What do you believe in?

Characters: NRC Staff,Dire Crowley, Divus Crewel, Mozus Trein, Asthon Vargas, Sam.

“𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙”

Crowley completely agrees with the said philosopher, as a director of a renowned school built on the controversial values of historical figures. He KNOWS that every NRC student is a place full of angry, arrogant, hormone-bombed teenagers, which is why he is so magnificently kind to Yuu. Who would give a complete stranger a place to sleep without magic? Who would do everything to make Yuu return to her beloved world even if it cost hours of work? Oh, how generous the director is, right?

For some reason, Yuu is managing to keep well. Survival is the word that would best define this situation. Now how she is managing to do this is difficult to talk about. At some point the director thought of carefully analyzing the case of the strange student without magic. In a school with cruel students, you, Yuu, are the only one with altruistic thinking and no magic. Why would the carriage that has never made a mistake in all these centuries of power bring a person like that with no aspect other than the basics? Unless…

Yuu has the potential to be evil in her own world, but not in this one where she is in a clearly vulnerable position, Crowley concluded and fell deeper into his reveries. So to survive you will have to adopt a good and pure image until you have enough strength to overcome your enemies, little by little, until you reach the top of the chain. Like every human being he has ever encountered in his secular life, Crowley feels that the thirst for power and blood is deep inside in Yuu. That's why he sends her to do various dangerous jobs and jobs, disguised traps. It's like a challenge: How far the wolf in sheep's clothing go? Roll your dice and place your bets, as Director Crowley will be keeping an eye on you.

“𝙈𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚, 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙪𝙥𝙩𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙢”

Perhaps in the analytical mind of the cruel chemistry teacher, Crewel, he had gone through the stages of denial and finally surrendered to the illusion. Yuu is a sweet and hardworking girl. That's it. Period. They had some time to develop a complicated relationship of father and daughter, mentor and student, but when Divus accepted his “fated role” according to him, it was a one-way thing. He will not allow any rowdy cub to offend her with repulsive lies. Did Yuu poison the students? Yuu blew up old bullying rooms? Did Yuu cheat on tests and manipulate students? LIES! She was just defending herself. His precious little puppy would never submit to such a low attitude.

His “filhota”, a term he learned from her, isn't like that, is it? So stay away from these disobedient puppies Yuu, they tarnish your image, dear.

“𝙈𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙤𝙧𝙣 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙥𝙖𝙥𝙚𝙧”

Trein not only agrees with this theory, but he could prove it from a very practical experience: Yuu.

Having raised his own family, two daughters, a cat and being an experienced teacher at school for years, he knows how to masterfully recognize each type of student in his class: The nerd, the clown, the teacher's pet, the one who doesn't know anything about nothing, the one who knows everything, the one who pretends to know everything, the lazy and many others….but what about Yuu? How does she characterize herself in this group of characters?

What a curious case, a student without any kind of magic, with few memories, and in a school of arrogant boys without any support? How did she survive for so long? How does she adapt so easily? One day she's a nobody, and the next she has contacts with important princes and shady merchants. One day she knows nothing about the world that has stopped, and the next she knows more than Trein himself in his years of apprenticeship. In some way or another the stranger knows every secret of every hallway in the school, and holds them in the palm of her calloused hand.

The blank figure has immense potential for creation and destruction, and something tells Trey that the foreigner's innocent look and sharp tongue have dangerous odds.

"𝙈𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣"

Vargas could not agree with this theory more truthfully! The human body is designed to be challenged every day, and what would be the limit? As the trainer of every type of creature, from beastmen, fairies, merfolk, humans, hybrids and everything in between, he can say with certainty that there is nothing more rewarding than seeing a student overcome their obstacles!

The chest was filled with pride when he closely analyzed Yuu's case. He clearly remembered the student's first days at school, her steps were so light that the wind would carry her away, so weak and malnourished that she wouldn't walk a complete circle around the field without fainting, her look scared, her breathing heavy. She couldn't fly any higher than Azul and every time she spoke, her voice was shaky, like a kitten learning to meow.

Just look at the overcoming! Not only are her steps firm and determined, but she runs very fast as well. And even when an envious person tries to push him in a competition, she pushes him harder, making him fall to the ground. 12 eggs a day. 12 EGGS PER DAY. A diet that the trainer himself follows and just look at the results. The prey body has evolved into that of a hunter. Big, strong, fast and adaptable. Perfect.

Maybe you should be worried about the way she beats the past bullies who tormented her blue and purple? The way she hunts them is different, it's personal, it's physical, it's animal.

It seems like the game has changed, doesn't it?

“𝙈𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙡𝙛”

The friends on the other side tell every secret and gossip that leaves the salesman, Sam, astonished. Sometimes it's hard to believe, other times he has to check it out with his own eyes. But for Sam, it's much more fun and engaging to analyze the situation like a grotesque soap opera. Each “little thing” is a sign for the next chapter. One day, among the hygiene products that are intended just for her, Yuu bought a different knife, an enchanted amulet and cans of a different type of fish and also a bottle of rat poison. Would it be for the rats of Ramshackle?.... No, the friends on the other side said that Yuu made an alliance with the rats, and so, she gets more information from the school. What type of information? who knows? For what? What will she do with the poison then? Pay attention to the next chapters.

A shadow wandering around in the morning once commented that on one of Jack's morning walks, he commented to Yuu that she "seemed to adapt to Twisted Wonderland fairly quickly.." And as soon as he found out, he ran as fast as his ghostly figure allowed him, so determined to be the first to tell Sam a hot piece of gossip that he didn't stay until the end of the conversation, and consequently left the merchant and his friends on the other side curious to know what Yuu's answer is.

Is Yuu letting her changes show to her troublemaking first-year friends, or has she tried to keep a mask on for a while? We cannot deny that her “strange” behavior is commendable for analysis. The one who enters the lion's den and comes out intact, the one who melts the heart of an evil icy queen, the one who entered as a sacrificial lamb and came back as the leader of the pack. Ohhh~~what interesting character development! More and more shadows surround Yuu now, watchful and thirsty for her next steps.

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Every like, repost and comment is very welcome and appreciated. ♥

[lurkingshan]

I've been in multiple tumblr fandoms over the years and the same shit comes up over and over again wrt arguments about how we all engage with our chosen media on here, so here are a few things to keep in mind that have helped me along the way:

Not everyone is going to engage in the same way as you, and that's good, actually. Some people are purely here to gush over the things they like. Some people are here to do deep analytical breakdowns which will include criticism. Some people are cheerleaders. Some people are haters. A lot of people are a mix of both depending on what they're talking about on any given day. It's all good and valid, and it's what gives this space variety, allows us to learn from each other, and keeps it interesting.

The filter, unfollow, and block functions are your friend. If you love a mutual but hate the volume or the way they talk about a certain thing, just add it to your filtered tags (relatedly: tag your shit so people can filter you when needed!). If you consistently don't vibe with the way a person chooses to engage on here, just unfollow them. If you find them actively offensive or detrimental to your mental health, hit that block button, baby. We are all anonymous internet strangers and no one will die.

Someone expressing a different opinion from yours is not a personal attack on you. If someone hates a thing you like, they are not calling you stupid for liking it. If they love a thing you hate, there's nothing wrong with them, they are just taking something different from it than you are. That shit is all about you and your own insecurities, don't try to put it on them.

Vague posting is rude. If you want to directly respond to something someone said to get better clarity about what they meant, reply to their post or shoot them an ask or DM and talk to them about it. If you simply want to express a counterpoint without directly engaging them, just post your own take without vaguely alluding to them and building what is almost certainly a strawman of their original point. People you're vaguing can see you on here, folks. Don't be a dick.

Credit and reblog other people's ideas when you are building on them, and be kind to the creators who provide the artwork that make this place so special and unique. Reblogging is the lifeblood of this website. It's the only way people get to see content that is by anyone they don't follow, and the gifmakers on here in particular put in so much time and effort to give us beautiful images--share their work and tell them you appreciate it! You also don't have to agree with every single word of a meta post to reblog it (why would you expect to, it comes from a different brain than yours), and you absolutely should be crediting people and sharing their words when they sparked something that inspired your own thoughts. This is just being a good community member.

Embrace the difference between meta and fanwanking. Meta writing is analysis of the actual media content as it is presented, with arguments based in the canon text. Fanwanking is doing your own work to fill in gaps or create headcanons to supplement the canon text. Some people prefer content that leaves a lot of gaps because they love to creatively fanwank; some people prefer to be told complete stories without having to do all that extra work to make them make sense. These are both very cool and fun ways to engage, but when you're fanwanking be aware that those ideas are all coming from you, not the actual media being discussed, so others might not vibe with your interpretation.

When posting your own opinions, try to be clear about where you're coming from and why. If you have a personal experience or bias that is affecting your read, own it. If you're looking at a piece of media from a specific angle related to your own interests and learning, say that. It helps other people to know where you're coming from and why you're thinking about something in a certain way that can then help them puzzle out why they feel differently.

You don't owe anyone your presence here, and you don't have to express opinions on everything or respond to tags or asks if you don't have anything to say. Sometimes you might just want to take a break from posting, some things in the discourse might just flow right on by you, sometimes you will not have a firm opinion on a debate. You can post as much or as little as you want. You can suddenly decide you don't want to talk about a show anymore. You can not log into your tumblr for days or weeks at a time. Do you, boo!

Most people come to tumblr because they do want to engage with others, and this place can be a lot of fun if you just take what you need from it and let things that aren't serving you go.

[stellarwhisper]

Astrological Perspectives: Using the Signs and Houses to Manage Relationships, Express Oneself, and Find Healing

Virgo Mars people value efficiency and order, are pragmatic, and pay close attention to details. They might prevent emotional vulnerability by keeping their buddy groups apart and being wary of emotional ties. They put function first and could come across as analytical or emotionally aloof. Attracting Virgo Mars people could be a sign of an unconscious attraction to their groundedness, respect for boundaries, and shared regard for structure or space. It is critical to take into account the dynamic that is most noticeable in these partnerships.

Astrological archetypes Venus and Moon have the power to forge deep emotional ties in passionate and sensual partnerships. But friction can occur when these impulses take precedence over friendship or respect for one another. Although the Venus lady satisfies the man's emotional, sensual, and romantic demands, their relationship may be shallow and one-dimensional. Although the Moon lady offers security and stability in the home, her sexual or sensual life might not be as satisfying. Although both ladies are extremely powerful, prestigious, and exclusive, it is challenging to integrate them as complete, multifaceted people.

It is easy to misinterpret Saturn, the planet of structure, discipline, and karma, because its energy frequently shows itself as difficulties and difficult lessons. However, there might be satisfying benefits if one realizes that these challenges are intended to teach important lessons. Saturn's position in the seventh house, which is typically associated with marriage, partnerships, and one-on-one connections, frequently portends profound and defining relationship teachings. People can develop a better sense of self and learn how to create healthy boundaries by facing their anxieties and destructive routines. Saturn teaches us things that require perseverance, diligence, and a readiness to endure hardship, but once we understand them, the planet rewards us with long-lasting benefits. Adopting Saturn's discipline and teachings can help you grow by guiding you through challenging situations, which will increase your maturity and wisdom.

In Aquarius, Chiron represents profound traumas that sometimes cause isolation or misinterpretation. Fear of criticism and judgment might result from this placement, particularly when unusual thoughts conflict with established wisdom. For Chiron in Aquarius, the path to recovery entails accepting their individuality and realizing that their distinct viewpoint is a gift. By valuing their uniqueness, they may authentically and satisfyingly share their vision and abilities with the world.

It is common to characterize Leo and Capricorn as egotistical because of their distinctive traits. Capricorn is goal-oriented and self-disciplined, whereas Leo wants approval and self-expression. But rather than being self-absorbed, these signals represent people who are trying to showcase their special traits and make a significant contribution to the world.

In astrology, the 12th House is in charge of subconscious problems and self-undoing, while the 1st House is in charge of identity and self-image. Unresolved trauma may show themselves as bodily manifestations. Meditation, self-compassion, and mindfulness are all part of healing. Feelings of loneliness can arise from acknowledging and releasing internalized sorrow. Self-compassion, mindfulness, boundary-setting, physical health awareness, and treatment are all practical steps toward recovery.

Particularly in the 1st House-12th House dynamic, spiritual activities, religious instruction, and philosophical study can be quite effective for healing. These exercises support the development of inner serenity, purpose exploration, and meaning in suffering. They can also foster trust and help people let go of their fears. Finding activities that speak to one's deepest self is the key to healing, whether that be through traditional religion, nature-based spirituality, or contemporary philosophical investigation.

Hobbies, relationships, self-expression, and creativity may all be quite therapeutic for those in the 1st and 12th Houses who are struggling emotionally. Art, writing, dance, and music are examples of creative outlets that facilitate the expression of one's true self and the processing of unconscious emotions. Hobbies provide people meaning and fulfillment, while romantic connections bring acceptance, intimacy, and recognition. These pursuits can encourage self-care and lessen emotional strain. These actions can aid in healing and development, such as using creativity as self-therapy, looking for romantic partners who embody one's greatest traits, and selecting pastimes that feed the soul.

Neptune in the 5th House has an impact on romantic relationships, self-expression, and creativity since it symbolizes illusion, spirituality, idealism, and dreams. Idealistic conceptions of love, escapism, empathy, emotional attachment to children, and creative imagination are important themes. This placement frequently results in a rich inner life and a propensity for artistic endeavors. They might, however, be romantically sympathetic and overlook imperfections. Neptune has to deal with issues like boundary issues, unreasonable expectations, and reality escape. They do, however, have the capacity for good things like loving compassion and spiritual creativity. to center creative energy, define romantic expectations, establish reasonable boundaries, manage Neptune, and partake in spiritual activities.

The 12th House's Venus is a privacy-loving planet that wants to maintain hidden or secret personal affairs, especially those involving romance, beauty, and money. This is because Venus is associated with the 12th House, which stands for aspects of life that are within and challenging to articulate. Venus may keep romantic secrets, refrain from disclosing personal information, and shield their romantic life from criticism from others. They might also favor quiet relationships and be frugal with their money and belongings. They could have a spiritual or charitable side in addition to emotional weaknesses. Establishing appropriate boundaries, embracing seclusion, and keeping oneself grounded in reality are essential for navigating this placement.

[linkspooky]

Hello👋

Do you have an opinion or analysis of Johan from Yu-Gi-Oh GX?

I love his Character💕

My opinion on Johan is I love him lots. The only reason I didn't include him on my previous season 3 posts is that there's so much to talk about with Johan he basically requires his own post. Johan is just as important to Judai's development in season 3 as Yubel, both alchemically and thematically.

So let's embark on another long, long post for Johan and his role in the story.

The Golden Shadow

Before we deep dive into alchemy let's talk about Jung. Jung's theories of analytical psychology is heavily based on Alchemy so this is relevant, I promise. Freud and his contemporary Jung both pioneered the field of psychology together, however Jung went deeper and believed that re-occuring character archetypes and motifs in stories told us something about the human subconscious itself.

For Carl Cung, "the rediscovery of the principles of alchemy came to be an important part of my work as a pioneer of psychology". Jung linked the steps of alchemy several a process of turning lead into gold as a metaphor for individuation.

Individuation is essentially becoming one's self. Jung believed for a person to be whole, they had to integrate all the parts of their personality. His model divided personality into the the persona (the face / exteral world) shadow (the internal / the subcosnscious where everything's hidden), and the anima and animus made of feminine and masculine traits.

In a show like Yu-Gi-Oh GX, individuation is the process of growing up. Jung used alchemy as a metaphor for a developing person's ego maturing, each stage representing a different aspect of his divided conscious. Nigredo is where we become aware of our shadows, Albedo refers to the anima and animus, citrinatis is where sophia the wise old man or women appears, and rubedo is where the self becomes whole.

Johan however, represents two concepts I've left out. Sometimes alchemy is not four stages, but rather five.

The fifth stage is the Peacock's tail, which appears when a person receives a flash of inspiration. Unlike other stages of alchemy associated with color, Peacock's Tail is referred to as the prismatic stage, associated with the colors of the rainbow. The connection to Johan who's signature card is the Rainbow Dragon is obvious.

More on the prismatic phase in the second half of this power however. For now all you need to know that like the star card in Tarot, Johan is a dazzling light of inspiration that helps kickstart Judai's development. The way he does this is by giving Judai someone to aspire to be like.

If the process of aclhemy is to create gold and become your best self then Johan is the golden shadow, to Judai. His role in the story is to help guide Judai into being his best self.

While the shadow is made up of parts of ourselves we hide from others, sometimes these are positive qualities. For example, a character with low self-esteem like Sho Marufuji constantly put himself down and therefore he's never able to see his good qualities because all he ever focuses on is how he's lackluster in comparison to his brother.

If Yubel represents the worst of Judai's flaws that he must learn to accept so he can learn to love himself in spite of those flaws, Johan represents the best in Judai. While Judai has many flaws that are glossed over in the first two parts of the show, I'd also argue he doesn't experience any positive growth. He's entirely stagnant as a character, which is why I say the opening to season 3 and the immediate introduction of Johan is what kickstarts his development.

The banner image I used for this post is where Judai and Johan are doing the Yu-Jo pose, a card in the TCG that is a reference to the friendship between Yugi and Joey in the original series.

However, I would argue that their roles are flipped. In spite of being the main character Judai is Joey, and Johan is Yugi. It's Yugi who makes Judai develop into both a better friend and duelist as a result of their friendship, to the point where Judai almost became too codependent on him and had to learn to separate himself from Yugi and develop on his own in Battle City arc.

(Hint hint, Judai and Johan will follow almost this exact same arc).

Yugi is the light which guides Joey into betterig himself, and Johan is the light that guides Judai.

Judai and Johan from their first meeting, get the vague sense they've already met before. Since this is Yu-Gi-Oh the immediate assumptio would be they had some kind of relationship in a past life, but plot twist it's Yubel.

However, I think this red herring is still important because despite the constant comparisons Johan is more similar to Yubel, then they are to Judai.

Edo refers to them both as Duel-Bakas, Shou gets jealous that Judai and Johan spend constant time together after meeting, in everyone else's even probably Judai's they're the same but if you look at their actions as audience members they're quite different. The comparison between them shows the many ways in which Judai is lacking.

Johan is basically Judai, but better. Judai is put on a pedestal by all his friends and seen as a classic hot-blooded shonen protagonist. Johan however, is the one who has all the classic traits of a real shonen protagonist, including having a dream to aspire to, and also fighting to protect his friends.

These are the two most important traits established from basically the first episode with Johan.

Strong bonds

A reason to fight

Johan's personality is more complicated than that, but these two traits are the most important because they're things Judai is lacking in.

Judai is someone is defined by his friendless background, and had no friends until his first year of Duel Academy. Which is why it makes perfect sense that while Judai is in love with the idea of having friends, he doesn't quite understand what a healthy friendship looks like. Judai is also someone who lacks a reason for dueling and only cites he does it for fun and his own personal satisfaction.

Arguably Judai is forced into duels with greater stakes in seasons 1 and 2, but the key word there is forced. Judai is always pushed into those situations, either because his friends aren't strong enough to duel, or his friends actively expect them to fight their battles in their personal lives for him (cough, cough, Sho). In other words he duels for two reasons, either personal satisfaction, or carrying the burdens of others because that's the way he keeps his friends around him.

Judai is ruthlessly criticized for both of these in season 3, the stakes of dueling become too high and Judai just crumbles under the pressure of having to duel for everyone else. As a result his friendships which were never that stable to begin with fall apart.

Johan on the other hand has a goal on his own, and while he might be a tad overprotective of Judai he's also able to coordinate with the rest of the group. In fact when the whole school is teleported to the other dimmension, it's Johan who steps up to lead, while if you notice Judai's actions he splits off from the group repeatedly. Johan's actions are also the reason they are able to return home, because Judai was unable to do anything substantial to defeat Yubel.

One of Johan's first interactions with Judai is him pointing out how callous Judai can be towards his friend, something which others would usually brush aside.

Sho: Bro… I thought you would have something to say to me. Johan: He seems lost. I think he just wanted you to give him some advice. Judai: Sho will be fine.

More importantly Joha can notice these flaws about Judai and immediately point them out and confront them about him, while still remaining friends with him on the whole.

Johan is Judai's model for a positive friendship. In comparison the friendships he has with other people crumble because of inability for both sides to communicate.

When Judai and his friends travel together to another dimmesion, Judai is selfish in constantly disregarding others feelings and running ahead, and at points even lying to them and going against plans they all made together. However, Judai's friends are unable to confront him about these issues and instead mostly talk and complain among themselves behind his back. Judai might not have listened in his state of mind, but they don't even make the attempt.

In fact the friends who do try to confront Judai about his behavior are August and Jim, characters Judai has known just about as long as Johan in comparison to friends he's had for two years who don't feel comfortable having a basic confrontation with him.

Judai's friendships suffer from the fact that none of them are truly equal. Sho for example is the first person Judai meets on the island and the one who he's known the longest, but one of their first interactions is Judai expressig discomfort for the fact Sho calls him his older brother because he wants duelist to be equals and Sho just ignoring him and continuing to call him that.

Once again I believe there is problems on both ends, Judai is very selfish and has a tendency to be ignorant of other people's feelings. On the other hand, Judai's friends eventually get in the habit of expecting him to solve their problems because they've built up the idea of him in their minds as the group hero.

As I said the friendship crumbles from both ends in season 3, part of it is Judai being selfish and acting like he's the only person that matters, part of it is his friends ruthlessly criticizing him because he's failing to live up to the image they've constructed for themselves.

Judai's friendships are fundamentally unequal but Judai himself isn't aware of this because he has no idea what a healthy friendship looks like - until he meets Johan.

Johan is a character not introduced to us in season 3, and yet it's very understandable to the audience that Judai would become so obsessed with saving someone he's known for about a month, to the point where he risks the lives of friends he's known for two years. Because that month has given Judai his first taste of what true friendship is like, rather than the idea of friendship he's been chasing.

Johan is Judai's better half in a lot of ways. One example we're introduced to immediately upon his introduction is Johan's role as someone able to see duel spirits, and his strong relationship with his cards. Just as an example, all of Johan's cards regularly talk to him and Johan even refers to them as the closest thing he has to family.

Judai until that point had a spirit partner that doesn't talk, and his heroes and neo-spacians are more like allies. For Judai the Neo-Spacians are allies in his fight against the Light of Destructio, for Johan the Crystal Beasts are his family.

Johan is also far more experienced as someone who can see duel spirits, while Judai is actively repressing the memory of the fact he could see spirits much earlier in life, and of Yubel.

Before the characters even travel to another dimmension, Johans duel against the spirit hunter Giesse demonstrates how Judai is lacking in these two traits, strong bonds, and a reason to fight. It also demonstrates the difference between how Judai and Johan regard their spirit partners, and why Johan's relationship with his cards is better.

Shortly before the duel even begins Judai is pushed to the brink by his previous duel against the teacher. A duel that not only exhausted him, but also deeply disturbed him because the teacher called into question his lack of reason for dueling and Judai had no real response. When Judai questions himself he does something we don't often see him do, he goes to someone else for advice. J

udai basically never lets himself appear insecure or lost around friends who aren't named Johan. Judai even apologizes to Johan for asking something out of the blue, he's so unused to relying on others for emotional support of any kind.

Judai: Johan what have you been dueling for? See, it's about fun for me... Well, for the surprise and happiness too. I guess I do do it for the fun. Sorry, I guess I put you on the spot by asking out of nowhere. Johan: What's this about Judai? Judai: It's nothing. Johan: I suppose there is one goal I have. Johan: Even if someone doesn't have the power to see spirits, they can still form a bond with a spirit. That's why I do it for people like him.

Johan wants to be a bridge between humans and spirits. Not only is Johan a character defined by the strong bonds of friendship he forms, but his life's goal is also built around improving the bond between spirits ad humans.

Immediately afterwards, Judai gets up and struggles to duel against their next foe. However, this time Johan steps up to duel in Judai's place, which is also a drastic change from Judai's other friends. Unless they had a strong personal bond like Fubuki and Sho with Ryo, Judai has stepped up to handle all the major duels since Season 2. Judai even experiences anxiety over letting Johan go and duel in his place.

Johan is introduced to Giess the hunter, a spirit hunter who actively found a way to kill spirits. A character like that seems like Johan's obvious narrative foil. Giess even invites the comparison between the two of them, saying that Johan is obsession with getting his hands on Rainbow Dragon is similar to how he hunts spirits.

However, Giess works much better as a negative foil, or shadow of Judai. Which is why it makes sense Johan is the one who duels him, because he represents the best in Judai while Giess represents the worst.

Now the question is how could Giess possibly be compared to Judai? Yes, as I demonstrated above Judai is much more inexperienced with seeing spirits than Johan is but he's never actively malicious towards them the way Giess is.

Except, you know when he slaughters hundreds of duel spirits after turning into Haou the Supreme King.

Giesse has a final monologue upon his defeat, to explain why he does what he does and his cruelty towards spirits. Giesse who has probably been able to see spirits as long as Johan once formed a strong bond with a duel spirit, but he was separated from that spirit. The pain made him close his heart off to forming bonds with any other spirits.

After losing his duel spirit partner he came to conclude it was impossible for humans and duel spirits to get along, because the spirits are too pure hearted to understand humans.

Giesse foreshadows Judai's downfall and his actions as the supreme king. Giesse's start of darkness was being forcibly separated from his spirit partner. The entire conflict from Season 3 happens because Judai made the choice to send his childhood friend / spirit partner Yubel into space.

Ironically, despite Yubel beig corrupted by a force called the Light of Destruction, and having a very twisted, sadomasochistic view of love I think Giesse's words here describe why Judai and Yubel can't understand each other.

Yubel is in a way too pure hearted.

We're never given a reason why Yubel became so overprotective of Judai in childhood before they ever became corrupted by the Light of Destruction but we know one thing for sure.

Yubel has no understanding what they did was wrong. They saw themselves as doing their job of protecting Judai which they sacrificed their body for in the past life. They neither understand why Judai was upset by their actions, or why Judai was upset when people started avoiding him because for Yubel being alone with Judai was enough for them.

It makes sense that Yubel wouldn't understand that Judai wants to have friendships with other children his own age. After all Yubel is a spirit that can only be seen by Judai. For Yubel, there is only Judai, they can't communicate with others, they can't form other friendships. Which is extra tragic if you remember that Yubel wasn't born a duel spirit but a personhood, and gave up their very personhood for Judai.

Yubel is very pure-hearted in a way that's almost insidious, they are so straightforward about their love for Judai, and they exist solely for Judai's sake that they can't understand why Judai has room for other people in his life, because there's no one else for Yubel.

The conflict in season 3 comes from Judai's decision to abandon Yubel. Judai can't come to an understanding with Yubel because Yubel is too pure, being a duel spirit that only exists for Judai's sake.

Judai also follows a similiar path to Giesse, when he loses Johan along with the rest of his friends Judai makes the decision to give up on the notion of love in order to gain power instead.

This is quickly followed by him killing duel spirits en masse, probably more than Giesse managed to kill in order to sacrifice them to forge a powerful card. When Johan is battling with Giesse he's literally battling a reflection of the worst part of Judai. Which sets up Johan's role in the series to guide him to his best self.

In summary Johan's relationships with his spirits are strong and healthy, Judai's relationships with Yubel is weak and unhealthy. In fact, Judai is helping achieve his dream of being the bridge between humans and spirits by essentially teaching Judai what strong bonds looks like.

Johan is also symbolically Judai's complementary half in a lot of ways. Each of the new transfer students plays a deck that embodies one elemental step of the stage of alchemy, August is fire / Nigredo, Amon is Water / Albedo, and James Crocodile Crook is Earth / Citrinitas. Johan is the only exception to this rule, because he plays the crystal beasts which are modeled after the seven colors of the rainbow.

Johan is light which puts him into the contrast with Judai who's both set up as the chosen one of the "gentle darkess" to fight the light of destruction, while at the same time someone corrupted by that very darkness into becoming Haou.

Which sets up Johan to contrast to be a pair with Judai. My friend Kaula or @nini-the-mirror pointed out to me we're shown two types of darkness, the destructive darkness embodied by nightshroud and the gentle darkness. While the light of destruction is set up as a destructive force in the universe, there's also Johan's light based crytal beasts, and rainbow dragon which cleanses away darkness. Fusing Rainbow Dragon with Neos purged Yubel from Johan's body, and when Judai was trapped in darkness illusion in Domino City and believed Johan to be Mr. T, it's Johan and the Crystal Beasts who purify him once again.

Johan's desire to be a bridge between spirits and humans, his northern heritage, and Rainbow Dragon all call to mind the Bifrost, a rainbow bridge which connected heaven ad earth.

The bifrost was a connection between the mortal world, and the realm of the gods, or the physical and the spiritual. Just as Johan is a mortal who can talk to spirits. Yu-Gi-Oh GX is also an anime heavily based off of alchemy concepts, and one of the central ones that's even said by Professor Daitokuji himself is: That which is above is like to that which is below, and that which is below is like to that which is above.

It's a phrase written on the Emerald Tablet, often shortened to "As above, so below." It means the mortal world effects the world of the cosmos, and the world of the cosmos effects the mortal world because everything is connected.

By wanting to stregthen the bonds between humans to spirits Johan is basically embodying this phrase. Judai's goal as the alchemist is to be the one to make changes in the mortal world that affect the cosmos. For example, his battles on earth against Saiou has a direct effect on stopping the Light of Destruction, but honestly again Johan serves his role a lot better than Judai.

Johan is in fact a character written around the concepts of bonds itself, the bonds of humans, the bonds between friends. Judai cares about these things too, he wants to be a good friend, but he has lots of flaws that stunts his growth and holds him back. His inability to integrate his shadow also presents him from being his best self (the golden shadow).

To quote my friend Psyche:

"The shadow is basically the storehouse of everything you don’t like about yourself. The things that others are but you could never allow yourself to be. But it’s also the storehouse of the alchemical gold."

Not only is Johan the best parts of Judai by being his golden shadow, he's also essentially Judai's goal. Judai wants to be like Johan.

If Johan gives Judai these things he's lacking, a healthy friendship, and a reason for fighting, then problem solved right? All Judai needs to do is marry Johan.

If you can't tell I was being sarcastic.

The Prismatic Phase

Alchemy is a process of refinement, of breaking down and forging into something stronger. However, when the metal starts out it's full of impurities that need to be hammered out. Alchemy is often used as a metaphor for both character growth and developing relationships in stories, after all if a character starts out perfect there's no story.

I said above multiple times Johan exists to demonstrate to Judai what a healthy friendship is to Judai. However, the attachment that Judai forms with Johan is anything but. Albeit for different reasons than the rest of his friends.

Johan is indeed someone who is set up as Judai's equal, and also strives to be his support rather than constantly relying on him for battles. Johan doesn't just exist to be a good friend to Judai however, he also demonstrates leadership skills Judai doesn't have when faced with a school full of hungry students teleported to another dimensions.

The problem is on Judai's end. Judai definitely needed a friend like Johan, because he's never experienced a friendship between equals before. However Judai as inexperienced as friendship as he is takes this openly supportive friend and starts using him as a crutch.

There's one scene in particular that demonstrates this problem. In the leadup to the cobra duel, Judai confided in Johan twice that he doesn't have any real reason for dueling and he's insecure about that fact. Cobra then criticizes Judai heavily once again for his irresponsible attitude.

Seeing Judai about to crack under the pressure, Johan takes the moment to encourage Judai by reminding him that he has in fact been carrying everyone's responsibilities on his shoulders all along.

Johan: "Why are you so scared Judai? You think there's nothing riding on you? Quit messing around. You've always had everyone's hopes on you. Anyone who's being counted on'll have people putting all their hopes on him. Isn't that what you're always burdened with. What will happen to us all if you lose?"

Well-meaning advice from Johan, but wrong for Judai for two reasons. The first is that Judai's reasons for fighting are something he has to think through for himself. That's how character development happens. Judai can't solve this inner conflict by having Johan just show up and drop the answer in his lap. He still hasn't thought about what he wants to be, he's just accepted Johan's words at face value.

The second is that Judai taking on other people's burdens is precisely the problem. Johan is such a self-reliant person he can give his support to other people without tiring himself out, but Judai can't. Johan wants to protect his friends. Judai duels for his friends because he's absolutely terrified of losing his friends, that's the difference.

Judai's not mature enough to handle other people's burdens and eventually the pressure gets to him and he completely cracks. Judai's just not mature enough to have a healthy relationship with Johan in general.

A relationship where being separated causes one person to have a complete emotional breakdown is not a healthy relationship.

In fact Judai completely ignoring all of his friends after a separating from Judai, and wanting to get him back ad being willing to sacrifice anything for that goal is a parallel to Yubel. Yubel is also someone who was separated from their best friend who they emotionally depended on, and stopped caring about anything but said friend, and was willing to sacrifice everything to reunite with them.

You could liken the disappearance of Johan, and the subsequent rising of Judai as the Supreme King as propelling him through the black phase of alchemy Nigredo, where the soul is brought to its lowest point and the worst flaws are revealed.

In the second sense, "the nigredo of the process of individuation on the other hand is a subjectively experienced process brought about by the subject's painful, growing awareness of his shadow aspects. It could be described as a moment of maximum despair, that is a prerequisite to personal development Here is "the darkest time, the time of despair, disillusionment, envious attacks...Nigredo, the blackening" [Source]

Johan's friendship is important to Judai, but his union with Johan doesn't actually fix any of Judai's problems and aggravates them in some ways. Judai doesn't even start improving as a character until after they seperate.

Johan isn't the rubedo the end result of alchemy, he's the pristmatic phase, the shining light of inspiration.

One metaphor I like to use for the Prismatic phase is the Star in the fool's journey. GX references Tarot and the fool's journey too, and like alchemy it's also a metaphor for personal growth. The fool (Judai) a person brimming with infinite potential, yet one who is also supremely ignorant, walking forward blind has to wise up to the wys of the world.

In the Fool's Journey the Star is a period of brief respite after the disaster of the tower. A beacon of hope and inspiration appears before him.

The Fool is suffused with a serene calm. The beautiful images on the Star (17) attest to this tranquility.Radiant stars shine in a cloudless sky serving as a beacon of hope and inspiration. The Fool is blessed with a trust that completely replaces the negative energies of the Devil. His faith in himself and the future is restored.

Doesn't this just describe Judai and Johan's first meeting to a T? Johan is supposed to be Judai's guiding light in the story ater all. However, the Star is immediately proceeded by the moon the card of illusions and self doubt.

Just like Judai becomes too reliant on Johan to provide him all the answers, the light of the star makes the fool vulnerable to the illusions of the moon.

What effect could spoil this perfect calm? Is there another challenge for the Fool? In fact, it is his bliss that makes him vulnerable to the illusions of the Moon (18). The Fool's joy is a feeling state. His positive emotions are not yet subject to mental clarity. In his dreamy condition, the Fool is susceptible to fantasy, distortion and a false picture of the truth.

Season 4 even invokes star and moon symbolism in regards to Judai and Johan in a negative light. Fujiwara looking into Johan's heart says that Johan's weakness is Judai himself.

He describes Johan's friendship and fixation on Judai as a moon eclipsing the sun. That's not two opposites balancing each other out that's one obscuring the other.

The season 3 version of their relationship is unhealthy and therefore needs to be broken apart and reformed. That's the process of alchemy, even if Yubel didn't kidnap Johan they probably would have broken apart some other way because Judai was too dependent on Johan.

It's also a violent process that includes Judai needing to duel Johan in a way where they are both inflicting pain on each other in order to purify Johan of Yubel's control. Yubel and Fujiwara both comment that underneath it all Johan desires a violent conflict with Judai. Which is probably something that would be explored more if Season 4 was longer. My interpretation however is that Johan being who he is, is kind of forced into the role of caretaker when Judai is involved as Judai is often in need of taking care of. That probably produces darker feelings for a change in their relationship.

The opposite of unions is a violent process that requires dissolving your previous self. The dictionary of Alchemical Imagery defines it as-

one of the central images of the opus alchymicum and a crucial operation in the creation of the philosopher’s stone.  The alchemists were ultimately concerned with the union of substances, the reconciliation of opposites. Through the ‘marriage’ of opposites the goal of the opus, the production of gold and its metaphysical equivalent was obtained. (p. 35)

Judai doesn't marry Johan, but they do have their friendship broken apart and reforged again and it's representative of the prismatic stage.

The Peacock's tail which Johan represents is also like the Star in tarot, a stage where a guiding light suddenly appears. One of the Spector Solis plates , Plate 16 - which depictins a Peacock in a flask is a good representation of this stage.

It is a plate of what else but unity.

The unity that began in plate fifteen is fully realized with the encapsulated animal’s transformation into a single-headed being. The peacock tail is a physical stage in alchemy, a brilliant flash of green which comes to signify that the alchemist is one the right path. It can also be recognized in spiritual/psychological alchemy as a flash of visions that come to the adept as they move through the phases of transformation.

The peacock doesn't just appear to guide the young alchemist through the phases of alchemy however, he also guides them spiritually.

 Plate sixteen embodies that process, the turning point where the adept reaches a new level of consciousness with a flash of the peacock’s tail. Consider the words spirit (i.e., the wine), spiritual, and inspiration. To inspire can mean to breath; it can also mean to transmit fervor. Spirit can be meditative, or evocative.

Who better to provide spiritual guidance to Judai then the person who's goal in life is to become the bridge between humans and spirits.

As the star's dazzling moment of inspiration is just temporary, the plate also emphasizes that the peacock's tail itself isn't the ed of the journey. One of the most significant symbols on the painting is the appearance of three people drinking wine and eating grapes. Three people = three stages of alchemy. As for the rest.

The key to the process of plate sixteen lies in the bottom left-hand corner, with the three people seated at a table, drinking wine and eating grapes. The process of this plate is fermentation. Grapes must be crushed and destroyed to create sweet intoxicating wine. The grapes are perfect as they are, but by destroying them we can make something higher, something that can alter consciousness.

Judai has a nice, comfortable, supportive friedship with Johan but he's the one receiving most of the support. By destroying that relationship, he's able to make a healthier one. Ironically it's the separation from Johan that teaches Judai how to exist apart from him.

In that sense Judai's character development revolves around two figures in season 3, two important relationships, Judai needs toto reunite with Yubel, and he needs to separate from Johan after quickly becoming too codependent.

The three of them together even form an alchemical trio. Often works featuring alchemy symbolism will divide characters into three different roles, the soul (anima), the spirit (spiritus) and the body (corpus). Symbolic of three parts of one whole person. The main characters of a work are often symbolically marked as one of the three.

The classic symbolism of alchemy is the circle, the triangle representing soul spirit and body, the square that repreents the four elements, the small circle, and the man and woman which form the rebis.

The triangle is what we're talking about here, in terms of marking characters to Soul, Spirit and Body. Though, another variation is Mind, Heart, and Body.

Most commonly, authors mark their male protagonist, the Male Principle of the Work, as heart and their female protagonist, the Female Principle of the Work, as mind.  If they have a companion, he or it will be marked as Body.  If you look back at the Mundus Elementaris that I just posted you’ll see that Sun corresponds to Cor (heart) and Moon to Cerebrum (brain).   The characteristics of a “heart” character are pretty much what you’d expect: courage, self-sacrifice, occasional rashness and impulsivity.  The characteristics of a “mind” character are if anything even more obvious.  “Mind” characters are knowledgeable, book-smart, and sometimes overly cautious.  What about the Body character?  There isn’t one in every alchemy story, but when this does appear, the markers are predictable.  Body characters are focused on their bodily needs–they are hungry, thirsty, and, in adult stories, lusty.  And they are often fearful.  [SOURCE]

In this case in a slight difference from the norm, I'd argue that Judai is the heart, Yubel is the mind, and rather than body Johan represents spirit.

The three of them essentially make up the trio of Judai's two most important relationships. Judai is a part of other groups, because GX has a ensemble cast. In seasons 1 and 2 he mainly hangs out in a trio of Sho, Hayato and him, and in season 2 it's Sho, Kenzan and him. Season 4 kinds of marks Judai, Asuka, Sho and Manjoume as the most important students of the graduating class.

However, the characters that influence Judai the most are Yubel and Johan. Johan is the spiritual ispiration, while Yubel is first a challenge for Judai to wise up and grow up, and eventually settles down into a role of advisor like Astral or Yami Yugi.

The main character trio of Season 3 onward are essentially Judai, Johan and Yubel, and each are critical to each other's growth. All three also participate in the final duel against season 3's villain. Judai and Johan tag team darkness possessed Fujiwara, and Judai and Yubel fight nightshroud.

However, as I mentioned above the way these relationships develop Judai are opposites, one of them needs to unite, the other needs to split.

A lot of people draw parallels to Yubel and Ai, the ally turned final villain of Vrains. Ai is also motivated by love and a desire to protect Yusaku the main character and object of their affections. However, the greatest point of comparison is that the option of fusing themselves together, an obvious call back to super polymerization is brought up by Ai in order to be flatly turned down by Yusaku.

And you won't be you.

The parallel to Judai and Johan is not as obvious here, but think about it Judai is his absolute worst self when he's willing to sacrifice anything just for the chance of having Johan back

Okay but just look at how different the two are. Both Johan and Judai, when put in very similar situations (having to save someone), tell us what they’re willing to risk for that goal. They’re both very clear about that. Johan is willing to risk himself. Judai is willing to risk everything else. [Source]

Judai become so destructive in his path to get Johan back, including slaughterig duel spirits en masse, somethig the self appointed protect of duel spirits Johan would absolutely hate that you have to wonder if his desire to have Johan back is even about Johan.

Judai doesn't have much respect for Johan's agency as an individual. It's normal for Judai to be sad, or even to have survivor's guilt when he thinks Johan is dead because he sacrificed his life to save him.

However, Johan didn't sacrifice his life to save just Judai but everyone else. Johan also made the choice to sacrifice himself so Judai would be safe. Judai's response to that choice is to immediately throw not only himself but his friends into repeated danger in order to rescue Johan, and then when all hope is lost start hurting spirits.

Judai doesn't respect fact that Johan wouldn't be happy with Judai hurtig himself or others, especially spirits, because rescuing Johan was never about Johan, but Judai's own feelings of grief.

Juudai is a deeply flawed protagonist. He’s more selfish than any other protagonist this franchise has ever known. The way he goes after both after Johan in season three and O’Brien shows that he actually doesn’t care all that much for them as people. To him, they represent a concept: Victory, or at the very least atonement for his past actions. A convenient way to right what he did wrong.  That is not to say that he doesn’t like them as people - he does. But when the chips are down, what he ultimately wanted was a chance to redeem himself by saving them. [Source]

Yubel and Judai are opposites who need to be united and learn to live with each other. The crux of Judai and Johan's problem is that really they're so similiar that everyone, including Judai sort of sees them as the same perso. However, as stated above just underneath the surface they have a lot of differences that could lead them to an unhealthy relationship. Judai just like Ai needs to learn that Johan is a separate person from him.

Which is why Judai's greatest two character development moments with Johan come not from the moment where he fuses rainbow dragon with Neos for the first time to cleanse Judai's body from Yubel.

It's actually immediately afterwards, when Johan hands Judai his deck to face Yubel. While Judai also makes the decision to face Yubel alone.

The arc theoretically could have ended right there. Judai's objective was to save Johan, and Johan was saved. Except the real conflict of the arc was that Judai needed to learn to take responsibility for himself, instead of leaning on a convenient crutch like Johan.

In Yu-Gi-Oh a duelists deck is often referred to as their soul, so Johan is entrusting Judai with a lot. That simple action really shows Judai that Johan can support him even from a distance and the two don't need to be attached at the hip.

In the tag duel against Fujiwara, Johan makes a similiar decision of sacrificing himself in order to protect Judai. However, to show how much he's changed since season 3, this time Judai does't completely lose his mind over Johan's sacrifice and respects Johan's feelings instead. Johan doesn't want Judai to fall apart, he wants Judai to carry his feelings with him and finish the duel for both of them and that's what he does. Judai has learned now to accept support without completely turning Johan into a crutch.

Citriniatis is also the third stage of alchemy. Each Season of the four seasos Yu-Gi-Oh Gx represents one of the four stages of alchemy.

The third stage is often referred to as the stage where the light which appears in albedo starts to shine.

Seperation from Johan essentially kicked off Judai's blackening stage, waking up his shadow in the form of the supreme king and bringing light to his flaws. This passage in particular describes it as a "rising sun" and "bringing light to consciousness."

 In  most cases Jung himself expressed the work as having three stages. Still, citrinitas seems to fit better into a flow of growth and development, as well as mystical progress as the third stage. In the second stage, albedo, a light appears in the nigredo darkness, the light of an awakened soul which is symbolised as a moon (the feminine) shining in the darkness. The third stage, citrinitas, brings forth the light of the sun (the masculine), a light which magically transforms the shadowy and fearful subconscious into valuable consciousness. From the dark night of rubedo, to the pale morning light of albedo, the sun rises in citrinitas to the culmination of day in rubedo. [Source]

Johan is simulatenously a light which shines on Judai's worst flaws just by being his better self and showing how selfish Judai is in comparison, while at the same time he's also the light that guides Judai on the path of healing.

After all Judai's final action in Season 3 isn't to kill Yubel like the Supreme King, or like a hero would, but rather to reconcile with Yubel. That's a path Johan would have taken considering Johan's whole goal is to help lost spirits like Yubel repair their relationships with humans.

Judai's journey of atonement even takes a similiar path to Johan, and mirrors Johan's dream of becoming the bridge between humans ad spirits. Unlike the duel between Cobra and Judai though, I don't think in this case it's Judai relying on Johan to give him the answers in life.

This is because the two of them have entirely different reasons for wanting to help spirits. Johan wants to help spirits because the strong connections he feels with spirits, and the crystal beasts in particular give him the only sense of family he's ever known. It's also because of an encounter with a little boy who lost his Jerry Beans Man where he came to understand that even people who can't see card spirits still feel a strog bond with them.

Judai however has an entirely different motivation, his journey to help duels spirits is a journey of atonement. It's also one he's taking together with Yubel because they both have a lot to make up for and a lot of healing to do.

Judai also didn't start out Season 4 wantig to become the bridge between humans and spirits. In fact he spent most of season 4 sitting alone in his dorm being depressed and aimless. It's his confrontation with Fujiwara, and his act of helping Honest reunite with his spirit partner Fujiwara that gave Judai the idea that he could help heal other spirits too.

Following the motto of dissolve et coagula, dissolve and coagulate all the troubles and tribulations and even the separation of Season 3 was necessary for the much healthier bond between them in Season 4.

Judai doesn't even say goodbye to Johan at the end of the season, and he leaves without telling Johan where he's going, but essentially they are still walking the same path of uniting spirits and humans and it's a path Judai would have never found without Johan's help.

[kleopatra45]

Mercury in the House [Solar Return]

Mercury in the 1st House

When Mercury is in the 1st house of your Solar Return chart, communication and intellectual pursuits take center stage for the year. You may find yourself more curious, talkative, and eager to learn. Your ability to express yourself is heightened, making this a great year for networking, studying, or starting new projects that require mental agility. Be cautious of becoming overly nervous or scattered in your focus.

Mercury in the 2nd House

With Mercury in the 2nd house, your thoughts and conversations will revolve around finances, possessions, and personal values. This year, you might explore new ways to make money, manage resources, or assess your worth. Analytical thinking will aid in budgeting and investment decisions. Be mindful of not becoming too materialistic or overly worried about financial matters.

Mercury in the 3rd House

Mercury in the 3rd house emphasizes communication, learning, and short trips. This year, you may be more involved in writing, teaching, or engaging in frequent conversations. Your mind will be sharp, and you could take on new studies or skills. Siblings, neighbors, and your immediate environment play a significant role in your experiences. Watch out for becoming too scattered or superficial in your interactions.

Mercury in the 4th House

When Mercury is in the 4th house, thoughts turn towards home, family, and personal foundations. You may find yourself more involved in family matters or interested in genealogy and history. Communication within the home becomes crucial, and you might engage in home improvement projects or move residences. Emotional intelligence is essential to navigate family dynamics effectively.

Mercury in the 5th House

With Mercury in the 5th house, creativity, romance, and children are highlighted. This year, you might explore creative writing, engage in playful intellectual pursuits, or enjoy hobbies that stimulate your mind. Romantic relationships could involve more communication and mental connection. Be aware of becoming too critical or analytical in matters of the heart.

Mercury in the 6th House

Mercury in the 6th house focuses on work, health, and daily routines. You’ll likely be busy with work-related tasks, and your attention to detail will be sharp. This is an excellent time to organize your workspace, improve efficiency, and focus on health through diet and exercise. Avoid becoming overly worried about minor health issues or getting bogged down in mundane details.

Mercury in the 7th House

When Mercury is in the 7th house, partnerships and relationships take center stage. Communication with significant others, business partners, or close friends becomes crucial. This year, you may negotiate contracts, resolve conflicts, or discuss the future of your relationships. Be cautious of becoming too argumentative or overly reliant on others for mental stimulation.

Mercury in the 8th House

With Mercury in the 8th house, your thoughts dive into deep, transformative topics such as psychology, finances, and shared resources. You might engage in research, explore occult subjects, or deal with inheritances and taxes. Intense conversations and a desire for profound understanding mark this year. Be mindful of becoming too secretive or obsessive in your thinking.

Mercury in the 9th House

Mercury in the 9th house emphasizes higher learning, travel, and philosophical exploration. This year, you might pursue studies, travel abroad, or engage in discussions about religion, law, or ethics. Your mind will be open to new ideas and cultural experiences. Avoid being overly dogmatic or scattered in your intellectual pursuits.

Mercury in the 10th House

When Mercury is in the 10th house, career, and public image are in focus. This year, you might take on roles that require communication, writing, or teaching. Your professional reputation could be shaped by how effectively you express your ideas. Networking and strategic thinking will benefit your career. Be careful of becoming too consumed with public opinion or overly concerned with status.

Mercury in the 11th House

With Mercury in the 11th house, social connections, and future goals take precedence. This year, you might join groups, clubs, or organizations that align with your interests. Friendships and networking play a significant role in achieving your aspirations. Collaborative projects and innovative ideas will flourish. Avoid spreading yourself too thin or becoming overly dependent on group approval.

Mercury in the 12th House

Mercury in the 12th house brings a focus on introspection, spirituality, and hidden matters. This year, you might find yourself drawn to meditation, dreams, and subconscious exploration. Communication may take on a more private or secretive nature. Writing in a journal or engaging in solitary intellectual pursuits can be beneficial. Be mindful of becoming too reclusive or overwhelmed by unconscious fears.

Retrograde

Mercury retrograde in the houses of a Solar Return chart signifies a year of introspection, reevaluation, and revisiting past issues related to the themes of each house. Communication may be more reflective and internalized, with possible misunderstandings and delays in these areas.

In the 1st house, it prompts self-reflection and identity reassessment

In the 2nd house, a reevaluation of finances and values

In the 3rd house, reconsideration of communication and local interactions

In the 4th house, reflection on family and home life

In the 5th house, rethinking creativity and romance

In the 6th house, revisiting work and health routines

In the 7th house, reassessing relationships

In the 8th house, deep introspection on shared resources and transformations

In the 9th house, reconsideration of beliefs and long-distance matters

In the 10th house, reevaluation of career and public image

In the 11th house, reflection on friendships and future goals

In the 12th house, a deep dive into the subconscious and hidden aspects of life.

©️kleopatra45

[radioactiveradley]

Been a while, crocodiles. Let's talk about cad.

or, y'know...

Yep, we're doing a whistle-stop tour of AI in medical diagnosis!

Much like programming, AI can be conceived of, in very simple terms, as...

a way of moving from inputs to a desired output.

See, this very funky little diagram from skillcrush.com.

The input is what you put in. The output is what you get out.

This output will vary depending on the type of algorithm and the training that algorithm has undergone – you can put the same input into two different algorithms and get two entirely different sorts of answer.

Generative AI produces ‘new’ content, based on what it has learned from various inputs. We're talking AI Art, and Large Language Models like ChatGPT. This sort of AI is very useful in healthcare settings to, but that's a whole different post!

Analytical AI takes an input, such as a chest radiograph, subjects this input to a series of analyses, and deduces answers to specific questions about this input. For instance: is this chest radiograph normal or abnormal? And if abnormal, what is a likely pathology?

We'll be focusing on Analytical AI in this little lesson!

Other forms of Analytical AI that you might be familiar with are recommendation algorithms, which suggest items for you to buy based on your online activities, and facial recognition. In facial recognition, the input is an image of your face, and the output is the ability to tie that face to your identity. We’re not creating new content – we’re classifying and analysing the input we’ve been fed.

Many of these functions are obviously, um, problematique. But Computer-Aided Diagnosis is, potentially, a way to use this tool for good!

Right?

....Right?

Let's dig a bit deeper! AI is a massive umbrella term that contains many smaller umbrella terms, nested together like Russian dolls. So, we can use this model to envision how these different fields fit inside one another.

AI is the term for anything to do with creating and managing machines that perform tasks which would otherwise require human intelligence. This is what differentiates AI from regular computer programming.

Machine Learning is the development of statistical algorithms which are trained on data –but which can then extrapolate this training and generalise it to previously unseen data, typically for analytical purposes. The thing I want you to pay attention to here is the date of this reference. It’s very easy to think of AI as being a ‘new’ thing, but it has been around since the Fifties, and has been talked about for much longer. The massive boom in popularity that we’re seeing today is built on the backs of decades upon decades of research.

Artificial Neural Networks are loosely inspired by the structure of the human brain, where inputs are fed through one or more layers of ‘nodes’ which modify the original data until a desired output is achieved. More on this later!

Deep neural networks have two or more layers of nodes, increasing the complexity of what they can derive from an initial input. Convolutional neural networks are often also Deep. To become ‘convolutional’, a neural network must have strong connections between close nodes, influencing how the data is passed back and forth within the algorithm. We’ll dig more into this later, but basically, this makes CNNs very adapt at telling precisely where edges of a pattern are – they're far better at pattern recognition than our feeble fleshy eyes!

This is massively useful in Computer Aided Diagnosis, as it means CNNs can quickly and accurately trace bone cortices in musculoskeletal imaging, note abnormalities in lung markings in chest radiography, and isolate very early neoplastic changes in soft tissue for mammography and MRI.

Before I go on, I will point out that Neural Networks are NOT the only model used in Computer-Aided Diagnosis – but they ARE the most common, so we'll focus on them!

This diagram demonstrates the function of a simple Neural Network. An input is fed into one side. It is passed through a layer of ‘hidden’ modulating nodes, which in turn feed into the output. We describe the internal nodes in this algorithm as ‘hidden’ because we, outside of the algorithm, will only see the ‘input’ and the ‘output’ – which leads us onto a problem we’ll discuss later with regards to the transparency of AI in medicine.

But for now, let’s focus on how this basic model works, with regards to Computer Aided Diagnosis. We'll start with a game of...

Spot The Pathology.

yeah, that's right. There's a WHACKING GREAT RIGHT-SIDED PNEUMOTHORAX (as outlined in red - images courtesy of radiopaedia, but edits mine)

But my question to you is: how do we know that? What process are we going through to reach that conclusion?

Personally, I compared the lungs for symmetry, which led me to note a distinct line where the tissue in the right lung had collapsed on itself. I also noted the absence of normal lung markings beyond this line, where there should be tissue but there is instead air.

In simple terms.... the right lung is whiter in the midline, and black around the edges, with a clear distinction between these parts.

Let’s go back to our Neural Network. We’re at the training phase now.

So, we’re going to feed our algorithm! Homnomnom.

Let’s give it that image of a pneumothorax, alongside two normal chest radiographs (middle picture and bottom). The goal is to get the algorithm to accurately classify the chest radiographs we have inputted as either ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’ depending on whether or not they demonstrate a pneumothorax.

There are two main ways we can teach this algorithm – supervised and unsupervised classification learning.

In supervised learning, we tell the neural network that the first picture is abnormal, and the second and third pictures are normal. Then we let it work out the difference, under our supervision, allowing us to steer it if it goes wrong.

Of course, if we only have three inputs, that isn’t enough for the algorithm to reach an accurate result.

You might be able to see – one of the normal chests has breasts, and another doesn't. If both ‘normal’ images had breasts, the algorithm could as easily determine that the lack of lung markings is what demonstrates a pneumothorax, as it could decide that actually, a pneumothorax is caused by not having breasts. Which, obviously, is untrue.

or is it?

....sadly I can personally confirm that having breasts does not prevent spontaneous pneumothorax, but that's another story lmao

This brings us to another big problem with AI in medicine –

If you are collecting your dataset from, say, a wealthy hospital in a suburban, majority white neighbourhood in America, then you will have those same demographics represented within that dataset. If we build a blind spot into the neural network, and it will discriminate based on that.

That’s an important thing to remember: the goal here is to create a generalisable tool for diagnosis. The algorithm will only ever be as generalisable as its dataset.

But there are plenty of huge free datasets online which have been specifically developed for training AI. What if we had hundreds of chest images, from a diverse population range, split between those which show pneumothoraxes, and those which don’t?

If we had a much larger dataset, the algorithm would be able to study the labelled ‘abnormal’ and ‘normal’ images, and come to far more accurate conclusions about what separates a pneumothorax from a normal chest in radiography. So, let’s pretend we’re the neural network, and pop in four characteristics that the algorithm might use to differentiate ‘normal’ from ‘abnormal’.

We can distinguish a pneumothorax by the appearance of a pleural edge where lung tissue has pulled away from the chest wall, and the radiolucent absence of peripheral lung markings around this area. So, let’s make those our first two nodes. Our last set of nodes are ‘do the lung markings extend to the chest wall?’ and ‘Are there no radiolucent areas?’

Now, red lines mean the answer is ‘no’ and green means the answer is ‘yes’. If the answer to the first two nodes is yes and the answer to the last two nodes is no, this is indicative of a pneumothorax – and vice versa.

Right. So, who can see the problem with this?

(image courtesy of radiopaedia)

This chest radiograph demonstrates alveolar patterns and air bronchograms within the right lung, indicative of a pneumonia. But if we fed it into our neural network...

The lung markings extend all the way to the chest wall. Therefore, this image might well be classified as ‘normal’ – a false negative.

Now we start to see why Neural Networks become deep and convolutional, and can get incredibly complex. In order to accurately differentiate a ‘normal’ from an ‘abnormal’ chest, you need a lot of nodes, and layers of nodes. This is also where unsupervised learning can come in.

Originally, Supervised Learning was used on Analytical AI, and Unsupervised Learning was used on Generative AI, allowing for more creativity in picture generation, for instance. However, more and more, Unsupervised learning is being incorporated into Analytical areas like Computer-Aided Diagnosis!

Unsupervised Learning involves feeding a neural network a large databank and giving it no information about which of the input images are ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’. This saves massively on money and time, as no one has to go through and label the images first. It is also surprisingly very effective. The algorithm is told only to sort and classify the images into distinct categories, grouping images together and coming up with its own parameters about what separates one image from another. This sort of learning allows an algorithm to teach itself to find very small deviations from its discovered definition of ‘normal’. 

BUT this is not to say that CAD is without its issues.

Let's take a look at some of the ethical and practical considerations involved in implementing this technology within clinical practice!

(Image from Agrawal et al., 2020)

Training Data does what it says on the tin – these are the initial images you feed your algorithm. What is key here is volume, variety - with especial attention paid to minimising bias – and veracity. The training data has to be ‘real’ – you cannot mislabel images or supply non-diagnostic images that obscure pathology, or your algorithm is useless.

Validation data evaluates the algorithm and improves on it. This involves tweaking the nodes within a neural network by altering the ‘weights’, or the intensity of the connection between various nodes. By altering these weights, a neural network can send an image that clearly fits our diagnostic criteria for a pneumothorax directly to the relevant output, whereas images that do not have these features must be put through another layer of nodes to rule out a different pathology.

Finally, testing data is the data that the finished algorithm will be tested on to prove its sensitivity and specificity, before any potential clinical use.

However, if algorithms require this much data to train, this introduces a lot of ethical questions.

Where does this data come from?

Is it ‘grey data’ (data of untraceable origin)? Is this good (protects anonymity) or bad (could have been acquired unethically)?

Could generative AI provide a workaround, in the form of producing synthetic radiographs? Or is it risky to train CAD algorithms on simulated data when the algorithms will then be used on real people?

If we are solely using CAD to make diagnoses, who holds legal responsibility for a misdiagnosis that costs lives? Is it the company that created the algorithm or the hospital employing it?

And finally – is it worth sinking so much time, money, and literal energy into AI – especially given concerns about the environment – when public opinion on AI in healthcare is mixed at best? This is a serious topic – we’re talking diagnoses making the difference between life and death. Do you trust a machine more than you trust a doctor? According to Rojahn et al., 2023, there is a strong public dislike of computer-aided diagnosis.

So, it's fair to ask...

why are we wasting so much time and money on something that our service users don't actually want?

Then we get to the other biggie.

There are also a variety of concerns to do with the sensitivity and specificity of Computer-Aided Diagnosis.

We’ve talked a little already about bias, and how training sets can inadvertently ‘poison’ the algorithm, so to speak, introducing dangerous elements that mimic biases and problems in society.

But do we even want completely accurate computer-aided diagnosis?

The name is computer-aided diagnosis, not computer-led diagnosis. As noted by Rajahn et al, the general public STRONGLY prefer diagnosis to be made by human professionals, and their desires should arguably be taken into account – as well as the fact that CAD algorithms tend to be incredibly expensive and highly specialised. For instance, you cannot put MRI images depicting CNS lesions through a chest reporting algorithm and expect coherent results – whereas a radiologist can be trained to diagnose across two or more specialties.

For this reason, there is an argument that rather than focusing on sensitivity and specificity, we should just focus on producing highly sensitive algorithms that will pick up on any abnormality, and output some false positives, but will produce NO false negatives.

(Sensitivity = a test's ability to identify sick people with a disease)

(Specificity = a test's ability to identify that healthy people do not have this disease)

This means we are working towards developing algorithms that OVERESTIMATE rather than UNDERESTIMATE disease prevalence. This makes CAD a useful tool for triage rather than providing its own diagnoses – if a CAD algorithm weighted towards high sensitivity and low specificity does not pick up on any abnormalities, it’s highly unlikely that there are any.

Finally, we have to question whether CAD is even all that accurate to begin with. 10 years ago, according to Lehmen et al., CAD in mammography demonstrated negligible improvements to accuracy. In 1989, Sutton noted that accuracy was under 60%. Nowadays, however, AI has been proven to exceed the abilities of radiologists when detecting cancers (that’s from Guetari et al., 2023). This suggests that there is a common upwards trajectory, and AI might become a suitable alternative to traditional radiology one day. But, due to the many potential problems with this field, that day is unlikely to be soon...

That's all, folks! Have some references~