#depression? cant scare me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heph · 2 months

Text

House's tendency to rationalize feelings away and being frustrated at himself for still feeling them. It's hurting me 😢

At the end of 05x04 Birthmarks he did a paternity test... And even after it turned out that John wasnt his father, he was still drinking his whiskey, because it didn't mean anything that John wasn't his biological father, because things are still the same.

He's still sad, he's still depressed. The dipshit of a man passing still made him sad. And the thought that he can't even rationalize it away as hatred upsets him. And so he drinks.

And to that Wilson said no one can choose their parents... Because House rejects John as his paternal figure and yet deep inside, House still called him his dad.

#i think everything he said at John's eulogy was real. he meant every word #of course if his mother wasnt there he would be a lot meaner #but he meant it.#house pushes people away because hes scared of being hurt #hes an asshole because nobody connects with an asshole and thus everyone is at arms length at best #and yet when people leave him he still mourns #his ducklings from season 3 #wilson in season 5 #and even that dipshit of a man john house #and idk its. it makes me sad #it just doesnt have to be this way #i want him to chase happiness and i want him to be happy #instead he just refuses it because happiness is associated with pain #because everyone leaves him in the end #im so sad #house md #gregory house #greg house #doctor house #not to say that people cant reject their parents and feel no remorse for their death #its just that house... that sensitive man #that depressed fearful man #he cant do that. because deep down he craves that connection #he wishes his father were better. he wishes he was the man his father wanted him to be #which makes it even more painful to observe

100 notes · View notes

skunkes · 6 months

Text

i may be stupid

#(but im not sure)#a doodley #i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them #im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws #second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects #idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me #since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment #i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are #im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness #im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too #so its not that...! its personality. its laziness #its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts #with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all

65 notes · View notes

chiimeramanticore · 6 days

Text

#im not dead quit asking #I'm just really really really not doing well #sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent #things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure #i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc #i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person #i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see #i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that #maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway #I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner #and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first #everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions #my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol #and i still don't know a lot of you personally but #parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people #I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems #im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly #and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days #I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol #but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much #but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs #im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself #which I think is where im at now. burnt out #and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys #if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber #etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there #im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet #hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime

12 notes · View notes

liesmultixxx · 4 months

Text

you know, i feel like i’m so far behind in life

like i’ll never catch up

“you’re still so young”

and yet it feels like it’s too late for me

where’s hope?

i don’t know, must’ve lost it somewhere the second or third time my heart has been shattered

i want to stay strong, to keep fighting, keep trying

and yet i sit here in my room, ruminating how to change

with no prospects of ever changing at all

because i’m scared

so scared

11 notes · View notes

youredreamingofroo · 3 months

Text

going on insta and being reminded why I never check people's stories ever 😕

#post:vent #lots of envious bile and sadness comes out of checking my friends' stories (since i only use insta for irl stuff)#i just see how much fun or how well people are doing and im like jesus im such a loser in comparison #i wanna do what my friends/irls are doing but i cant and/or im too depressed to go do stuff ugh #doesnt help that half the stuff i wanna do means getting my license and pretty much all of my family/relatives are trying to push me into-#-getting my license :/ and im too scared to take the test (not cuz ill fail its kind of. hard to explain my actual reasoning sjdbsj) so-#-im just perpetually pressuring myself into thinking im pathetic for not doing things and for not having a license #well anyways. im really sad now so im gonna get off tumblr before i indulge my sadness-posting-desires sjdbsjdn #< continue to indulge* lmao #yapping

7 notes · View notes

bunnihearted · 7 months

Text

🐰💬

#sooo now when the surgery is 3 days away im starting to get very nervous nd anxious T-T #i know it's like a minor surgery nd i mean im gonna get to go home the same day so it's not supposed to be super bad #and the recovery time isnt supposed to be that long either. so like i know this is an easier surgery #im still sooooo scared nd nervous omg. i've never even broken a bone so this is like crazy for me sksksk #but i try to think positively #and i try to focus on the positive: many ppl say that they 'get their life back' after gallbladder surgery #so i can hopefully start feeling better and more normal again. nd regain my physical health #i miss going for long walks everyday. i miss being able to eat. i miss not being scared of the pain nd feeling uncomfortable everyday #so yeah.. trying to focus on that instead of being scared of the surgery itself. but i cant help it im just an anxious person #i just rlly wanna live normally again. i wanna go to the gym. i wanna eat well nd also yummy nd healthy. i wanna go for walks.#i wanna not be depressed anymore nd start writing again nd reading more nd watch shows nd be able to work on functioning as a normal person.

12 notes · View notes

oscillating-fan-whore3 · 6 months

Text

I know i need help but my last therapist genuinely fucked up with me so bad that even if I wanted to go to therapy it's too scary to even imagine

#my one and only therapist and she fucked me up soooooo bad #she basically told me being trans wasnt a real thing my tics are anxiety tics because i can “control them”#told my mom abt stuff we talked abt in sessions (not that i talked a lot)#ignored my depression and basically forced me to say i wasnt only trans becuz i thought girls were treated unfairly #used to get anxiety attacks before going in her office #i cant look at the hamd sanitizer she used or thinking abt the office or drive by it without feeling nauseous or scared

15 notes · View notes

flower-power1968 · 10 days

Text

I just don't think I was made for this world tbh

#dantecore #the inferno #:(#been depressed since June and its dragged me to a place where its either kill myself or just keep suffering #but Im too stupid and scared to actually do it #and I feel like I cant talk to my irl friends because IM the one they come to for comfort

3 notes · View notes

melto · 7 months

Text

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy #which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself #but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible #and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them #and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them #and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it #and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about #but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me #even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around #And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes #somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much #but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself #so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car #every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart #i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god #im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac

11 notes · View notes

like-wuatafauq · 2 months

Text

"She probably talks to a lot of girls"

Actually I'm just trying my best to get better mentally and to figure out what to do with my life so that I can spoil 1 girl for the rest of my life.

#wlw #wlw yearning #wlw post #wlw blog #either way its hard for me to allow myself to feel things for someone so like i cant even think about romance cuz my heart will hurt #i genuinely get so depressed when i think about flowers now or even giving flowers #like i try to hope for someday but i dont want to do that ever again that hurt too much #but sure spoil 1 girl! and like its just me because im too scared to ever put myself out there again

3 notes · View notes

nana-mizu-shiki · 8 months

Text

When You Just Went Through Something Traumatic And Mom Says Not To Tell Anyone:

7 notes · View notes

coyoxxtl · 8 months

Text

tumblr centrist liberals stop acting like voting is the most influential and important political activity you can participate in challenge

#me donating to mutual aid posts on tumblr and donating esims to people in gaza has done worlds more influence than any vote i ever did #people who risk their lives in protests do more than voting #i firmly believe that #this isnt a Voting is Pointless post this is Voting is the Barest Minimum #voting is easy. when there’s no outside barriers its so fucking easy.#you fill in a card and call it a day. its easy to feel like you made a difference when all you did is fill in some dots.#yall barely even follow up on who you vote for or even Care if the people you vote for fail you #its the perfect thing for weak liberals to attach to #treat it like the be all end all with activism and you have the easiest get out of real political action card #no need to get your hands dirty if you did all you needed to #as someone who DOES vote. voting is the easiest political thing i engage with. everything else is a risk. or at least a sacrifice.#voting is barely anything to me. i dont feel like i do Anything with it. but donating. making political art. THATS something. thats REAL.#i would go to big protests if i lived somewhere with them #like i understand. wanting voting to be enough. im a heavily depressed bitch who feels like they cant engage with anything big or important #i know tumblr is full of those types. yall dont want to do anything. yall dont want to be uncomfortable or upset or anything negative.#personal comfort above all else. thats what tumblr is. thats what centrist liberals are. there’s no real desire to break out-#of the comfort zone or status quo respectively. yall are scared to get Involved. and i am too. but with how current events are going…#i can see that i don’t want to be that anymore. i know i need to be more than that. its hard and risky but i Need to.#and so do yall. yall NEED to engage with activism outside of voting. or you’re doing nothing.#txt

9 notes · View notes

flamingothing · 15 days

Text

anyone struggle with the fact it's better than it was but it's not good still. or maybe it's not better than it was it's just different bad therefore new therefore better but not. and maybe you solved old problems but where to now. i've done so much work why isn't it good now. or whatever

#guys i am stuck in life i sense idk what to change i have hobbies i get out of the house (work) i have like two close friends #and i have acquaintances and mutuals who i love and like me i think #i listen to music i have interests that i think make me happy. i mean they do but not truly happy im never truly happy #until i am truly happy and then it hurts more than feels good so it upsets me #im jealous and envious and angry but im also nothing i feel nothing. and then i explode but i feel nothing. nothing #im scared of everyone all my friends all my family every stranger it's like they all Know. know me too well #know im not well. know im sick #worth nothing. they know. but they don't know im too private. i cant talk about struggles to friends without panicking like #a trapped animal. they know everything and nothing i show everything and nothing and my nothingness and #okay whatever #guys i might have depression like.#well. im diagnosed borderline im diagnosed ocd my therapist thinks i have but decided not to diagnose my histrionic bcuz she #didn't wanna put two PDs on my record. but maybe i am just also straight up normal depressed #normal depressed nothing special depression just nothingness depression idk #if u read this i love u. thanks. i guess ive always tended to reach out this way

4 notes · View notes

roachemoji · 8 months

Text

🤹

#bo posting #vent #i was gonna posy this with a picture of croutons but that felt wrong shxjdh #uh im. scared i wont be able to draw again consistently for a while #i think im really accepting just how burnt out i am #i dont like the fear. anxiety. and envy ive been bottling up about drawing lately #like its not doing me any good to avoid everything artistic just bc i cant draw rn #but im... afraid that this will last for a long time #the last time this happened i barely drew for 2 years straight #i dont think im conveying just how painful and stressful this actually is. im not okay and im struggling to accept this #and its fucking depressing too?? i feel miserable knowing i cant do shit for my ocs and cant contribute creatively w friends #i just... feel like im... like not fun to be around rn ig? like a killjoy? a haunting presence who cant offer anything new or fun #im really debating reaching out and offering refunds to people who commed me #at least if they dont want to keep waiting #because idk when ill be able to get them done and i feel incredibly guilty #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

7 notes · View notes

cartoonghosts · 3 months

Text

forgot I had rsd ✨️✨️ then I unforgot and now it's Back

#Help it's trying to get me to relapse #I don't think I will but there is a pin I have saved on my wall and fuck I want to #I feel so fucking scared like I know I'll be okay but my chest is trying to kill me and my lungs aren't opening enough #I don't think I'm worth staying alive for #✨️✨️ perfectly stable over here #I hate that even on meds I still have fucking depression #I want to fucking kill myself and I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD #I was doing so well for a bit #I know no one I know will see this today #But please help #I need help #I don't know if I'll relapse but this is so painful #It isn't half as bad as it was a handful of months ago but I was used to it then

3 notes · View notes

dubioushonour · 4 months

Text

Thinking midnight thoughts.

Thinking I want to go back in time and punch both of my sisters in the face for telling me I was going to die alone at the age of 13 because I wasn't the kind of girl that boys liked.

#it was admittedly a few more things than just that #im just thinking tonight about all the jokes made at my expense #through middle and high school #that i know for a fact neither of them remember #and im still pretty mad about it as an adult #so much of my 20s has been unlearning terrible habits but even more than that #its been trying to convince myself that im not completely unlovable as a person #which is a significantly harder prospect #but god if ever try and actually date i know i have to you know? i have to love myself enough #to set boundaries and not shrink myself and turn off people pleaser npc mode #or else i will die alone you know?#i cant be scared of opening up forever #im not going anywhere with this its just midnight and i am retroactively very mad #my best friend who had to put up with me through covid and one of the top 3 depressive episodes of my life #wouldn't ever say that to me #but heaven forbid i was undiagnosed and mentally ill between the ages of 12-16

6 notes · View notes