#desire to create so. humor me lmao

[actuallyitsstar]

I told her you don't even have a woman here, and you know what she said? "Well, he probably doesn't have one, he's got eight!"

↳ Top Gun (1986); dir. Tony Scott

+ Bonus:

[clonehub]

Copied from discord because i lost it in there KJASDHFLKAJSDFHLK

Who was developed? Wrecker. Why? Because of his trope. They stick to those tropes HARD all the way to the end gotta hand the writers that at least. Was the empire really developed? No Andor creating everything it did in six episodes and I think roughly the same number of hours and and tbb gives us a hiccup about the chain codes and the ends of the production of clones which we already knew about The lighting is nice the render is nice the lip sync is okay the VAing needs WORK. the soundtrack esp the main theme leaves much to be desired. the story just needs. some kind of overhaul. how tf can your premiere actually make the show less appealing. it went from unbearable to tolerable ive had that happen once to me before and that was The Office AKJSDHFLAJSFDHLKAS remember how they kept saying tbb would be darker than tcw. they had bitches heads bouncing in season 1 what did the tbb do HM? every time i went into an episode i was like wow the needle has not budged theyre digging their feet in on the whole Tell over showing wowowowow Did you know that Wrecker, as the demo expert, almost exclusively uses a gun? Did you know that crosshair's absence actually did not materially affect the team at all either in performance or emotional cohesion? Did you know that these people actually dont really care about each other and they really feel more like roommates with weapons who all have to look after a spunky kid than a family? You can't just call everything found family they gotta actually act like it and omega waiting until like 4 episodes before the finale to call the batch her brothers is not. how you wanna go about that. and they dont like. call her their sister when speaking about her to other people crosshair's fascism is actually a lot stronger than I remember like he's just on a constant path of doubling down i think his stans are just deluding themselves as to his moral standing and also frankly disrespecting his character for insisting he has 0 autonomy and is actually Really Good deep down why was one of the nicest moments when tbb all turned their guns on crosshair bc they thought he had the capacity to shoot hunter and/or a literal child why dont we get more tense moments like that

lie hot damn. what a (nothing) show. this could have easily faded from the collective conscious of star wars but its animated and animated well and also the Trope Troupe (4/5 man band set up) is always popular ig because of how goddamn easy it is to write and absorb? because who ever strays from that i was called slurs over this show lmao NAWT to spam yall with essentially a preview to the video essay about tbb i may or may not be writing next year but the fact that i cant even nail down a central theme-- is it family? only at the end and some parts in the middle. is it choice? not really? are they always on survival mode? yeah. does it FEEL like that? no because these bitches got something giggly going on 24/7 like the tonality is allll over the placeeeeee your fascist brother is hunting you for sport because he willingly joined a genocidal authoritarian regime that wants you and your kid sister dead why was the humorous writing outpacing literally every other mood by a mile

this show is like. style over substance. it wants the credit of creating an emotional story without doing any of the work to create that feeling in the slightest. a nothing burger. fireworks but its more smoke than flash. a tease of a theme here or there to keep you on the edge of your seat in the sense that youll sit there like "wow will they go down that road? will they address the size 00 elephant (crosshair) in the room?" and its almost always no some say a show doesnt need to be deep to be good i say yes it does because i have taste and no patience. and also good is so subjective as a metric for quality it just sounds like a disingenous argument from the start my friends and i were harassed over this show entire people leaving the fandom bc-- ok. im done. thats my review!

[sagigirlie]

Moon in the signs

Aries moon ❤️‍🔥

I’ve noticed these people are very independent usually. They don’t like being told what to do. They like doing things their own way. Can be quite bossy and irritable. Can get angry easily or be childish at times. Loves attention and can be self absorbed/selfish. If they don’t get attention they will act out so people notice them. Loves compliments and feeling desired and sexy. Confident energy. Can be goal-oriented. Very competitive, even if they won’t admit, which might lead to insecurities. Passionate about the things/people they love and cherish. Can have a fierce look.

Taurus moon 🌷

very sensual and serious energy. Elegant aura. Good at taking care of others. Very loving people. Closed off at first and don’t trust easily, they don’t let just anyone in- they have to feel a real connection for that. Really loves food lmao. It can be their coping mechanism or comfort them for anything . Artistic. Creative souls. Loves art & culture. Loves animals. Grounded. Loves being in nature. Can love the more natural look. Needs to feel secured, whether with material possessions/ money, strong relationships etc. comfortable around women for both sexes. Can be very stubborn and it can be hard for them to admit when they’re wrong or change their ways.

Gemini moon 🎭

intelligent, sarcastic. Memes and Netflix as a coping mechanism lmao. All over the place. In their heads a lot. Overanalyze & overthinks Which can cause them anxiety and depression. Can worry a lot sometimes. Anxious energy. Can actually have social anxiety at times. Good sense of humor. Loves making others laugh. Funny. Loves music & parties. Natural acting skills or can be quite good at lying. Theatrical personality. Many known and funny actors/actresses have this placement. Youthful & cute smiles. Can give crazy energy/vibe haha. They don’t always feel comfortable showing their more vulnerable side so they use sarcasm instead, more closed off emotionally. Either that or they overshare lmao no in between. Can actually feel like they have a few totally different people inside of them which makes them at times feel confused or lost and seem unpredictable like u don’t know what mood ur gonna get (that’s me yay) hard to feel stable. Irritable. The mom can be a best friend. They can consult her about everything and like hearing her opinion. Though it’s more of a rational relationship rather than emotional. Can be prone to gossip as they’re very curious people.

Cancer moon 🧸

sensitive. closed off with people they don’t know or don’t feel comfortable with. Can be shy but don’t like looking that way. Can have their guards up with people. gives more feminine energy to both sexes. holds grudges. Can get hurt easily. Loyal to people close to them. Cares about people they love and likes taking care of them somehow and feeling like people depend on them. Can find it hard to let go. Might act manipulatively to make things go the way they want or make people depend on them. Takes things personally. Gets deeply attached to things and people. Can be insecure.

Leo moon 🎁

loves attention A LOT. Needs it for their well being haha. Especially from people close to them. Theatrical in their personalities. Funny. Can act crazy to draw attention. Can be loud and/or obnoxious. Can create drama without even noticing they started it cause they are drown to it with their intense persona. Can be envious of others. competitive. Can give Mean Girls vibes haha. They have big hearts though. Can look fancy. Loves luxury & fashion.

Virgo moon 🧿

very critical of themselves. Cares about how people view them. Polite and good mannered. Can be very insecure but don’t like showing it. Hard workers. Can be people pleasers due to insecurities. Loves satisfying the people they love. Can suffer from anxieties and nervousness or depression. Can find it hard to accept themselves so they always want to feel accepted by others somehow, wether for their looks, intelligence, personality etc. might feel inadequate somehow & try to compensate for that. Can have eating disorders due to self esteem issues or be overly body-conscious to the point they overwork their bodies. overall they do seem to take interest in healthy lifestyles & workout regimes. It’s either that or they don’t care at all to the point of neglecting their health, I guess maybe if underdeveloped they don’t have a good balance when it comes to that. Can give a fox-like look to the face. Also needs to have a somewhat clean and neat environment for their mental health lmao (that’s my mom).

Libra moon 🦋

They seem to have balance issues. If underdeveloped they’re either focused on keeping the peace at all cost in a need to be liked and accepted, or the opposite- attract and are attracted to drama and violence, and act aggressively themselves as a self- sabotage mechanism. They seem to have dealt with some type of mental issue at least at one point in their life. Can over-think and analyze situations and people, or if people like them or not. Probably have to be with their childhood. Gives some detached aura to the personality. Rationalize their emotions. Charming. Might flirt or use their charm to get the things they want. Can be manipulative and/or self-destructive in relationships. Naturally Attracted to relationships though. Can have co-dependence issues which brings me back to the unbalance thing- they’re either too afraid to lose their independence so they stay alone for a while until they mature (mainly for guys) or they feel incomplete and insecure without a partner, to the point of being overly dependent on them and depending on them for their overall well being or mental wellness. Might have had issues with unstable childhood or a disconnect from mother/parents (they might not be so present all the time) that caused them to look for a family or stability outside from their homes. They either look for friends for that or romantic partners, or other figures. They would still, even if had issues with the mother consciously or not, always talk nicely about her and view her in a graceful & kind light. Are quite artistic & creative and like aesthetically pleasing surroundings & people.

Scorpio moon 🌚

Gives intense aura and gaze. They seem like deep people. Not showing a lot of their true self to the public, only people they trust. Don’t trust or let others in easily. Very Selective of their surrounding. Look powerful on the outside. closed off aura. Can have deep insecurities, some derived from their childhood. Although when they grow or are more developed, they can be very mature and have a lot of recuperating powers, can handle a lot of hardships. Might have suffered from trauma but it’s their source of strength. Very wise. Can be very manipulative when they want and can be good liars. Magnetic aura. Tbh they can look crazy sometimes lmao don’t know why something in their eyes or gaze, if you look closely enough you’ll see it. Their eyes are usually very prominent & distinctive somehow. Can attract, consciously or not, drama into their life, or just intense experiences. Are attracted to intensity. Possessive in love and can have stalker tendencies sometimes haha.

Sagittarius moon 🎠

Jokes and sarcasm as a coping mechanism. Loves people that can make them laugh or making others laugh. Vibrant energy. When underdeveloped can act wildly and irresponsibly and have self-distractive tendencies. Loves being around people. Can have some sort of disconnection from the mother from what I’ve noticed. Can hold her grudges or feel neglected or detached from her from a young age (either mom or other care giver) or was given too much independence and lack of structure, or just overall have some issues & disagreements with her/them. Therefore the child might feel lost and alone or neglected or still feel like that when they grow up so they look for some stability maybe outside.

Capricorn moon 👔

As I’ve said before, cap moons might have had to grow fast due to a missing parent from a young age or had heavy demands from parents, or had to work from a young age, many times willingly so. Was forced to grow up fast in their younger years which might give the opposite affect in later years and cause them to act out. Might feel alone or like the black sheep inside, but doesn’t like to show it. Guarded. Doesn’t like showing too much emotions on the outside, especially not crying in front of people. They give off a stable/grounded or sometimes a bit Indifferent energy. Looks at money as a security blanket. Aspires to have materialistic possessions. Ambitious and hard workers. Self-sufficient. Needs to feel like they are productive to feel stable mentally & emotionally. Can have suffered from anxieties/breakdowns/ depression without anybody else knowing. Good at concealing it. Can have a very well-developed & dry sense of humor.

Aquarius moon 🧊

Can have Calculated, Detached aura, or quite quirky and goofy in personality (especially if they feel comfortable around u). Might try to give a more serious self impression at first, but are goofballs inside. Intelligent. Independent. Good at small talk and communicating with strangers. Loves traveling and meeting new people and places. Adventurers. Might feel detached or somehow distant from the mother, she might have been more rational & practical and the person grew up being more independent and introverted bc of it. Might not feel too comfortable with too many intense emotions or feels awkward expressing or sharing them. The type to suffer in silence. Can be insecure inside but seem confident outside. Can have poker faces. In their heads a lot and can over think & analyze things. Can be good at reading others bc of that. Likes doing things their own way and doesn’t like feeling too strict by others. Might have a complex relationship with siblings, especially sisters from what I’ve noticed (for the guys especially), which might affect the way they view or treat women in general (together with the relationship with the mother).

Pisces moon ⚓️

As I’ve mentioned before, Pisces moon can be very deceiving or manipulative when they want, especially when young or underdeveloped. They might suffer from pathological lying disorder at some point , but that’s in extreme cases. They twist reality as they want to see it and can be delusional and disconnected or unrealistic. Can have a victim complex, putting their own faults or blames on others or refusing to see other sides than their own. Very sensitive and can be very close to the mother. Ethereal look especially the eyes, can be very hypnotic, deep and doe-like. You can really get lost in them. Gives soft/angelic features or look , even with harder placements. Usually spiritual somehow or believes in faith or the greater good, or that everything happens for a reason. Can be very giving and loving or selfless with people they love. Can be flaky and unstable emotionally. If underdeveloped might actually use people for their own interest and be quite self-absorbed and/or narcissistic. Can have very big aspirations for themselves. Can seek the spotlight and the glitz & glamour life (Neptune ruler).

[ariesjupiter]

Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

[samkiszkasrealgf]

electric love.

request: none

paring: jj maybank x fem!reader

summary: y/n and jj have been best friends ever since the fourth grade. after creating a tiktok account as a dare, y/n decides to recreate the trend where you try to kiss your best friend/crush and see what they do.

warnings: TEETH ROTTING FLUFF. probably the cutest thing i’ve ever written <3 i’m hoping to GOD no one has done this with jj yet lmao

it had been nearing 8 pm. the pogues: jj, john b., kiara, pope, and y/n had decided they wanted to lay low after the events of earlier that day (finding the grady-white & sneaking into the motel) by hosting yet another kegger out on the beach. so, there they were; at the beach surrounded by the usual crowd of kooks, other pogues, and tourons.

however, y/n, who was almost always the life of the party, wasn’t really feeling it that particular night. she assumed she might’ve just been jittery from the crazy day her and her friends just had. after her first two solo cups of beer, y/n had decided to separate herself from the rest of her fellow partygoers & friends, making her way to the water just to get some air for a few minutes.

as the waves crashed against the shore, y/n tugged her ripped jean shorts off of her waist and let them drop to her ankles, leaving her in just a bikini top and bottoms. setting them down in the sand where they were guaranteed to stay dry, she placed her cellphone right on top of them. her hair, tied into a very messy bun on the top of her head, was let down immediately after. her hair spilled onto her shoulders and down her back in loose waves & curls. the sun has just begun to set, painting the sky with beautiful shades of orange, yellow, pink, red, and a bit of purple.

moments later, y/n was able to drown out the sound of drunken laughter and talkative teenagers as she focused on watching her feet as the waves pushed against them. after at least five minutes, y/n reached back to grab her phone that had been resting on top of her shorts. hesitantly, she clicked on tiktok, an app she’d downloaded just two days ago. scrolling through her “for you page”, y/n stumbled across a video captioned, “i tried kissing my best friend, this is how it turned out”, using the song elecric love by borns. the corners of her mouth turned upwards into a crooked grin. although she’d thought it was quite cheesy, y/n had to admit that it melted her heart. it was so romantic; the way they held each other, the way kissed each other like it was the last time they’d ever see each other again ... for some reason, y/n could only think about one person: jj maybank.

ahh, jj maybank. one of y/n’s best friends, and her secret crush, since the fourth grade. something about those blonde locks, those crystal blue eyes, the indentations in his cheeks when he smiled — not to mention his insanely perfect, greek-god like smile — and his charismatic personality struck her interest right from the start. it was hopeless, y/n continuously convinced herself. jj would flirt with her, but he flirts with everyone. no matter how many times she would feel that burning twang of jealousy in the depths of her stomach whenever jj would philander with other girls, nothing would change. jj wanted only to be friends, y/n was sure of it. though she had absolutely no issue with remaining jj’s closest female friend, it hurts knowing the one that which you most desire will never be yours.

“hey you!,” a voice suddenly sounded from behind her.

y/n glanced over her left shoulder, only to lock eyes with lover-boy himself. her stomach flipped.

she grinned. “what’s up?”

jj sat beside her with a grunt. “man, y/n, are you feeling okay? you’re usually the center of attention at our keggers — wait, are you on tiktok?”

y/n’s eyes widened slightly, realizing that the electric love sound, along with the same video, had been playing on repeat for at least five minutes. nervously, she clicked her phone off, setting it beside her in the sand as jj chuckled at her forgetfulness.

“i thought you were gonna delete it right after kie dared you to download it the other night!,” jj taunted as y/n grinned, thinking back to a few nights ago to the drunken game of “truth or dare” she played with the pogues on the boat. “i think someone’s addicted...”

y/n gasped playfully. “i am not addicted!”

jj shot her a look, and y/n caved.

“okay, okay. fine. i’m a little addicted, but i can’t help it! the people on here have really...interesting humor.”

jj chucked warmly, taking a sip from his beer.

as the two sat in silence for a moment, y/n began to think. what if she made a move on jj by recreating that tiktok?

no, absolutely not. the alcohol must be getting to her brain. if she were to kiss him and weird him out, that could ruin their entire friendship, and that’s the last thing she wanted. but what if that didn’t happen? he could react in the exact opposite way. anything was possible...why not take the chance?

y/n could not believe she was doing this at all, but after contemplating it for a few minutes, she gathered up the courage to ask: “wanna make a tiktok with me?”

jj looked over at her, cocking an eyebrow with a grin.

“are you being serious?”

“yes!”

“...i-i guess!”

y/n stood up, laughing. she offered her jittery hand to jj, who accepted it and used it to haul himself off of the sandy ground.

“what am i even supposed to do?,” he questioned, scratching the back of his neck.

y/n smiled. “just follow my lead.”

once the sound was ready, y/n grabbed ahold of jj’s hand and tugged him into the shallow saltwater, that stopped just about at their waists. with her phone propped up against jj’s halfway-full bottle of beer, she clicked the timer button and started the countdown for filming to start.

with each beep of the timer, y/n’s heartbeat thumped harder and harder against the inside of her chest.

with that, the song started.

baby, you’re like lightning in a bottle.

y/n stared into his eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat. hesitantly, she grabbed hold of jj’s biceps and pulled him towards her, softly. she pressed her lips against his.

i can’t let you go now that i got it.

jj pulled away from her, shocked. with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, all he could seem to do was stare back at her.

y/n’s heart sank. this was a failure. he looked incredibly uncomfortable, and this was certainly going to make things awkward in the long run.

and all i need is to be struck...

however, the corners of jj’s lips turned upwards into a cheeky smile. suddenly, he grabbed her lower back with one hand and her jawline with the other, pulling her back in towards him.

...by your electric love.

at the beautiful climax of the sound, jj’s lips found y/n’s again. her arms made their way around the back of his neck, her hands beginning to cascade through the golden blond tufts of hair. the entire world seemed to melt around her as a long-lasting dream had come true at last. all of a sudden, y/n’s feet left the plushy ground of the ocean as jj sent both of them tumbling into the cool blueness of the water, tangled up in each other’s arms.

[haleigh-sloth]

Random unpopular opinion that nobody ever asked me.

I don't like Nana at all..

In fact, there are quite a few female characters that I dislike but I can't express it without being attacked

I feel like the women in bnha, are both, extremely worshiped and overly victimized by most of the fandom

I don't disagree here....but first:

Why is anybody attacking someone for disliking characters? Lol, nobody has to like anybody. I mean it's one thing to say "I don't like this character because she's a woman", but that's.....just a whole other can of worms that needs to be dealt with outside of fandom lmao.

I mean, I'll straight up say I don't like Midnight or Mirko at all. I think I've said it before and nobody had an issue. Or at least voiced it lol.

I have actual reasons for simply not liking those two. Midnight because she's just portrayed to be gross in the main manga and also in Vigilantes (I saw one panel that I just, didn't appreciate). Idk if it's for the sake of humor but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't find it funny. Then Mirko for reasons listed in this post. That post didn't make me dislike her, I already did when I saw her during the war arc, but I couldn't pinpoint why. That post linked just helped me figure out why I didn't.

Nana, well, I like her character and what she provides for the story. Her position in the story is well done, and she plays her role very well. She is utilized well and she doesn't need more screen time than she currently has, or will get. But like, as a person, she sucks ass. She dumped her son off with some stranger and went to go die by AFO's hand. Like idk, doesn't feel like it was worth it really. So Nana isn't...likable imo either. But she's also FRAMED as being in the wrong. So it's okay for her to not be likable.

Mirko and Midnight aren't ever really called out for being....Like That™️. Mirko is not heroic, but nobody in the story itself cares and everyone is just like 🤙🏼cool hero who kicks ass. And Midnight, well, you know.

And this next bit is strictly opinion so nobody get heated over this--I do agree that the BNHA female cast is upheld as being "so great" and "should get more screen time" by the fandom, while I personally don't think so lol. I hate when irrelevant characters are given screen time for no real reason (Mirko during the war arc, I mean it was a handful of chapters that were just ridiculous fan service and for the battle thrill). What I feel needs to happen is that relevant female characters are created from the beginning. Toga is an obvious example of this (though she could definitely use more screen time, along w/ Ochacko), but I have 0 desire to see any of the other girls become super important out of nowhere. If they had been that way from the beginning and I had been shown that I should be invested in them, then sure. But it's not like that, so I simply don't care and don't really want to waste time on them lol.

Unrelated to BNHA but it's hard to find manga with female dominated cast in general. Even the manga written by women that I've read are all male-dominated casts: Fullmetal Alchemsit, Blue Exorcist, and D.Gray-Man--which are shounen. But it extends to shojo too: Fruits Basket and Ouran High School Host Club (both written by women), which these two have FEMALE protagonists but the main draw of these two series is the male characters lol. It's just like that. Idk why. I know it's possible to have the tides turned.

I don't watch RWBY but I did see a few of the first episodes years ago and saw that it was mostly female characters which I thought was cool. And I'm seeing the show now has more fanbase, and based on the posts I've seen--the show remained a female dominated cast? (pls correct me if it changed down the line)--which I think is awesome. So it's possible to have a good, successful story with GOOD FEMALE CAST. It's just that....nobody takes the opportunity for it. Lol.

Oh well, maybe one day.

Also, idk that this needs to be said but just in case--there's nothing wrong with liking any of the characters mentioned above. This is just how I feel on the subject. I'm not invested in debating.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

[silkylious]

I Am in Love. Fuck. (Bakugo Katsuki x Fem!Reader)

Pairing: Dancer!Bakugo Katsuki x Dancer!Reader Warnings: swearing and just some tooth-rotting fluff!  Prompt(s): #35 “Oh shit... I am in love. Fuck.” + Dancer AU

A/N: Thank you so much @1-800-callmekatsuki​ for the request, this was super cute and fun to write. I hope you enjoy this! yall i know nothing about dancing so for any dancers out there please bear with me lmao

Squeaks of sneakers against the waxed floor echoed throughout the studio, overshadowed by the rhythm blasting from the speakers. Heavy puffs of air mingled with the surrounding noise to create a ruggedly enchanting symphony. Crimson irises peered at you as your hand delicately held him by the neck, moving up to caress his sharp jaw all while you kept up the movements of your feet and the saying of your hips. Katsuki's hands perched stop your waist guiding your motions, grip tightening as the song playing in the background built up to a final crescendo, preparing to support you for the finale of your dance number. As the last notes of the musical piece sounded through the closed space, you struck a final pose, surrendering your body to Katsuki's grasp. You stayed in that position for a second too long, your figure hanging with the help of his strength in an exaggerated dip, his pointy, upturned nose brushing against yours and his muscular arms holding you securely, saving you from an inevitable fall. Your lidded eyes bore into his soul, daring him to go further. He wouldn't give in to your teasing gaze so easily, though. With a painfully audible gulp, he pulled you upright, detaching his body from yours. 

A sharp whistle crashed the tension between you two, followed by overly enthusiastic clapping. 

“That was awesome, guys! You're totally gonna win the competition with this,” Kirishima hollered from the other side of the room, his keen stare watching with amusement as you and his best friend stiffly walked to your respective lockers. He found it infinitely humorous how you could have such palpable chemistry on the dance floor, then act like awkward middle schoolers once the music halted. 

Your skin glistened with a light sheen of sweat; the choreography was exhausting, despite how effortless you and your dance partner made it seem. It surprised you when Katsuki approached you with this particular sequence, he wasn't one for sensuous moves (much less a pas de deux for that matter), and quite frankly you doubted he had it in him to be so intimate and flexible. But as usual, he surprised you with his adaptability, Katsuki really was a natural at many things. What was completely out of left field, however, was his intensity. It was just a duet, you knew that, but fuck did his eyes send you hurtling to other worldly stories with just his glare, the sensuality of his touches immersing you in a fictional forbidden love. The way his lips ghosted over your shoulder as you rocked with your back to his sculpted pectorals. He was doing it on purpose. And you'd be damned if you didn't play his game too, returning his lingering touches with just as much vigour, passion. The plastic bottle in your hand protested under the unnecessary pressure of your clutch, your bottom lip catching behind a row of teeth. Shit, he was getting to you–

“Oi, you're gonna spill water everywhere, dumbass,” Katsuki's gruff voice snapped you from your reverie, making the baby hairs on your neck stand at attention. He chugged his own water in one gulp before successfully throwing the plastic container into the recycling bin from a far. By the time you turned around, he had gotten alarmingly closer. “Overall, you’re not as shitty as last time. Your footing is still fucking abysmal, though. You call that a pirouette? My grandma could do better and she has arthritis.”

Of course he wouldn't let you celebrate, you were convinced he was physically incapable of giving non-backhanded compliments. You shook your head with a light chuckle, his creativity really shined through in his insults. They never really bothered you, you were aware that hidden beneath the layers of unwarranted cussing and borderline rude comments, lied genuine, constructive criticism. Grabbing a change of clothes, you slammed the locker before heading to the public bathroom for a quick rinse, barely sparing him a glance on the way there. 

“Duly noted.”

Vermillion eyes observed the way your hips swayed gently as you walked, completely unaware of similarly colored eyes watching him with gleaming mirth. “You’re so whipped for her, dude.”

Previously relaxed features pulled taut in an agitated grimace. “No, the fuck I’m not.”

“Mhmm, sure. Keep telling yourself that, man.” Kirishima escaped the premises before he could experience his best friend’s wrath, a jubilant bounce in his step as he thought about his two friends. He was the common denominator between you two. That’s how you met, at one of Kirishima’s frat parties, and even though Bakugo wouldn’t ever say it out loud, an instant connection sparked between you two. The mutual love for dancing brought you together.

Thoughts of you fogged Katsuki’s mind for the rest of the day, practice that day had been exceptionally sensual, both of you getting progressively more daring. He fruitlessly tried to go about his day without having intrusive thoughts blocking his focus, but to no avail. He found himself aimlessly staring out the window, hyper-realistic sensations buzzing along his skin, it was almost like you were still there, still touching him. He sat there on his couch, trying (and failing), to elude any thought of you. He huffed at his inability to get you out of his head, he had one last resort to aid with his problem.

That damn porcupine wouldn’t stop reappearing in your mind, it was so surreal, the way he looked at you as you forfeited your body to him, his minty pants of air, his natural musk. All of it was too much to handle. Uncertainty stopped you from pursuing the man that had unknowingly snatched your heart, each session with him felt like a shot of fireball running down your throat. So sweet and addictive, yet the repercussions left you impaired. He was a drug to you, making you chase the gratifying high of his touches, but once the endorphins dissipated you were left to battle with the symptoms of withdrawal. Your plans of having a relaxing evening were thrown out the window, you needed anything but alone time to overthink, and you had the perfect getaway from visions plaguing you. Unbeknownst to both of you, you shared the exact same idea.

Drowned in the music provided by his ear buds, Katsuki failed to hear the sounds of someone else in the studio as he rounded the corner. The sight before him momentarily made his heart halt, only to beat twice as fast as his eyes raked over your twirling figure. Dim light peaked through the blinds, casting an elegant, pastel halo over your features. You looked so in your element here, so at peace. Your expression gentle, eyes soft and lips pulled into a preciously small smile, despite the strain pulling at your limbs, begging you to rest. Your body alone made the muscles in his heart clench and unclench rapidly, made his otherwise focused and composed mind a reeling, fiery mess. But what affected him the most, provoked an itching desire in him to be as close to you as humanly possible (a desire that he had refused to acknowledge) was the simple fact that you were doing pirouettes. He’d figured that your comeback to him earlier that day had been pure sarcasm. Seeing you take his advice, practicing all on your own, having the courage to fall and learn, failing and bouncing right back up again over and over until sweat dripped from your temples, all to make both him and yourself proud with the fruits of your labor, that’s what set him off. 

“Oh shit... I am in love. Fuck.” 

The date of the competition came faster than either of you could comprehend. The days preceding it were filled with hard work, sweat and augmenting tension. With his feelings for you finally recognized and accepted, Bakugo couldn’t help the pink tone frequenting his face whenever you went over the dance together, which he defensively dismissed as a byproduct of heat each time Kirishima brought it up, a knowing look in his eye. That last dip always made his stomach churn. When he was that close to your face, he had to restrain every atom in his body from doing something impulsive, but oh did his lips plead to mold with your own, did his fingers beg to tangle with yours. He’d never experienced anything like this, it was almost like all his body parts had a mind of their own, whenever he was by your side he consciously had to shun his whole being from twitching as it wished desperately to entwine with you in every way possible.

“This is it.” You said, more to yourself than to him, reminding yourself that this was the time to reap all the exertion and time you’d sowed. Your mind was slowly trickling into anxious territory, but a calloused hand interlacing with your own stopped you from straying too far. You gaped at the sudden act of reassurance, a familiar giddy feeling bubbling in your veins. He grinned at you. You grinned back.

“This is it.” He repeated, words coming out strong, resolute. His cadence conveying all the encouragement he didn't know how to voice, his hand anchoring you in what was here and now. 

“And last but not least, please welcome our last competitors, Bakugo Katsuki and (last name) (name)!”

That was the cue for the both of you to emerge from backstage. As you took your starting positions, you inhaled and exhaled uniformly, Bakugo sending you a look of slight concern which you returned with a smirk, telepathically telling him let’s win this thing. 

The music kicked in and you lost yourselves between the melodies. It was like Pavlov’s conditioning almost; as soon as your ears heard the starting notes, your bodies moved on their own, muscle memory taking the front seat and grabbing hold of the steering wheel. And yet it was anything but a blur. You saw everything in blinding clarity, minutes seemed to slow for your perception. The way he moved was etched into your brain in overwhelming detail. The dance was as amorous as can be. Your gaze remained attached to his throughout the whole number, only leaving when you twirled or turned around. This time around, you didn’t dance as mere partners, no you danced as lovers. There was no teasing involved, only unbridled adoration. Applause fell on deaf ears, anything that wasn’t him was mute and colorless to you, and vice versa. You danced like nobody was observing, like you were a married couple swaying around your kitchen.  

The final notes brought you two back to reality, and through the unease in his gorgeous, crimson irises, you knew he had a decision to make. Your palm skimmed across the expanse of his neck, trailing the unblemished column before moving up to his jaw. With practiced ease, your feet skidded along the stage while your hips moved in tantalizing waves, his sweaty hands gripping at your waist tightly, a clear indication of his ongoing, internal debate. You gave him a last glare, one that ultimately made him settle on a choice he vowed to never regret, then your body slackened in his hold, his arms dipping you backwards in a closing pose, concluding the exhilarating choreography. 

But he still had one more thing to do.

As his nose pushed up against yours, he made a final push, lowering his lids in preparation. His slightly chapped lips puckered against your soft ones, prompting your eyes to grow wide. Obnoxious cheering erupted, but neither of you could hear it. Shutting your eyes, you moved your lips in a sensuous rhythm against his own, not too dissimilar to the number you’d just performed, basking in the sensation that you’d daydreamed about during endless sleepless nights.

For once, Katsuki couldn’t give less of a shit about achieving an indisputable first place in a competition, because no matter the outcome of this dance, whether he swooped all the medals or not, he considered this to be the biggest win in his book.

[batmansymbol]

turning off notifications

hello friends! i have been reading an excellent and horrifying book called The Age of Surveillance Capitalism, by Shoshana Zuboff. in part, it discusses social media giants’ desire—driven by profit—to create compulsive and reliant behaviors in its users. zuboff goes on to detail the effects on our mental health. spoiler, they’re Very Very Bad.

it’s funny, because in the moment i’ve historically felt like it’s so difficult to identify why i feel depressed. but right now, i am looking back over the course of the last 12 years of my life, and. i started having issues with depression at the exact time my facebook usage ramped up. i had my worst episodes during the period that i was on facebook and twitter and instagram all the time. since i left facebook and twitter, i haven’t had a serious episode.

i’m not saying it’s a hundred percent causal. but i’ve never ever EVER regretted leaving facebook or twitter, and i’m starting to think about how good i could potentially feel if i continued flushing the rest out of my system. so, in light of this, i am going to leave instagram and goodreads.

i’m also thinking pretty seriously about ‘bricking’ my smartphone and turning it into basically like, a glorified ipod for music and audiobooks, and getting a flip phone/”feature phone” for actual life usage. does anyone here have a flip/feature phone or have experience with this?

i considered leaving tumblr, too, but poking around through the settings, i’m actually pleased with the provisions tumblr has for privacy, agency, and user control. there are a lot of jokes floating around about how, somehow, this hellsite has become the most livable place on the internet, but it’s true!!!! the lack of an algorithm deciding what we should see and when, what’s most likely to shove us into endless cycles of anger, envy, or other highly “engaged” emotions—this is stuff i really appreciate about being here.

@staff y’all should push even further in this direction and position yourselves as the privacy-oriented, anti-surveillance social media... it’s the good and politically radical thing to do

ANYWAY, the point of this post is to say that i'm disabling all notifications. i’m no longer going to get the little flag in the top right for comments, tags, etc., so if you tag me in something and i don’t reply, send me an ask or a DM!

also, i highly recommend reading the surveillance capitalism book! we are being numbed to the seizure of the contents of our lives, and tech companies operate totally outside the realms of democratic oversight, and i sure hate it so much. zuboff's discussions of targeted advertising are particularly scary. until now i’ve thought of it in humorous terms - “oh, lmao, i bought a vacuum cleaner and now google thinks i want to fill my home with vacuum cleaners!”

but these targeted ads, where and when they present themselves, are getting more and more granular with these companies’ growing awareness of our lives and emotions. more and more, we are being subjected to ads and all sorts of digital nudges at the moments we are the most susceptible.

as data mining picks up more and more information about our facial expressions, our feelings, and our behaviors, we’ll inevitably be advertised to when we’re the most stressed, numb, alone, depressed, insecure, or otherwise vulnerable, in order to yield the greatest profit for surveillance companies’ partners. we deserve a better and more humane future.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I know I'm pretty late with this but I just want to thank you for all the no-bullshit answers over Siena stans. At first I was actually pretty sympathetic towards them and could understand people being weird about her because she's fucking Anthony, but the blatant tone-deaf comparisons between her and ANY of the black characters, only being interested in Simon as a character when Siena should fuck him because Anthony "needs to suffer ;)" or when he refers to his affair with her OR acting like shipping the only two black characters that are male and female on the show is somehow them being better than any of the other fans while deliberately ignoring Kate being a dark-skinned Indian woman now and the context that could likely come with that, not to mention the insane notion that somehow, a white woman like Siena suffers JUST AS MUCH AND EVEN MORE as these black characters who we see suffer 10 times more on this show just broke the camel's back to me. Like complaining about ~classism and comparing it to racist writing while erasing a woc and placing Siena as some would-be daughter of her parents (which in this context would literally be them wanting Indian immigrants to care for a British white woman in the 19th century....) is not y'all being Aware, it's being blatantly tone-deaf and racist. No amount of "you guys just hate sex workers :,(" is gonna erase this. I hate how they think they're being So Smart with calling out the classism issues in the show while conveniently buying into the bullshit "~racism doesn't exist anymore sweeties~" argument that the narrative TRIED to sell to us while at the same time having some obvious issues with the characters of color and how they're focused on and even framed against the white ones. And even now, thinking that them obsessing over this white female character and considering it them being Different and Better than the rest of the fans? Nah y'all are just being terrible at this point. It's only gonna get worse once season 2 comes out and they'll only enforce the whole "~racism doesn't exist sweeties~" excuse in order to be blatantly racist in any of the Kate hate and comparisons they'll likely make in order to tear her down as a love interest and wife to Anthony in order to prop their white fave up. No matter how much they wanna pretend otherwise, Siena's role as a sex worker doesn't erase the fact that she's a conveniently attractive white thin woman that fans will sooner flock to ship with Anthony than with Kate now, given the casting.

One final complaint, but I also find it ironic how they wanna pretend that Kate is apparently gonna be some carbon-copy of Siena just because her character description and moments with Anthony will include her 'calling him out on his bs'. As if the book where she is a legitimate character didn't exist a full DECADE before Siena was created. Literally all the specific traits for their fave can be traced back to Kate and how they were sooner inspired BY Kate as a character in creating Siena than the other way around. Like calling Anthony out on his shit? Anthony having a thing for her hair? Those are canon stuff in the book where Kate is introduced. Their fave is neither original nor going to be the Staple for Kate, but they'll never admit this.

Sorry it’s taken me a moment to respond, I wanted to give this my attention and I’ve had an exceptionally busy week.

I agree with all of this.  To be honest, a lot of the obsession with Siena seems rooted in deep-seated racism and a preference for the precious white woman.  They are using the show to back this up, as you said, because the show handled race horribly.  But because the show handled race horribly and has widely been criticized by people of color on that front, it just reinforces my perception of the most intense stans as like.... deeply racist.  Coupled, of course, with the idea that Kate’s family would LOOOOOVEEEEEEE PORCELAIN SKINNED SIENA!!!!  WHOSE SKIN WE LOVE!!!!!  MILKY WHITE BABES!!!!  

These people of color, from Kate’s family (who by the way, most of these stans get wrong because they haven’t read the source material--I see a lot of references to Kate’s alive parents which uhhhhhhh not only are they both dead but they’re both dead in a PLOT IMPORTANT WAY lmao) to Simon to Kate herself are only used to prop up Siena.  Simon is used to make Anthony jealous, because to many white women watching this show, some supposed Simon/Daphne stans included, Simon does not exist as anything other than a sex object because he’s a hot black man.  Simon is literally reduced to a virtual sex toy or figure of animalistic sexual desire by so many people who watch this show, it’s INSANELY gross.  Called out for racism?  But we ship Simon and Marina together, so we can’t beeee!!!

I do disagree with you a bit on Siena’s personality, largely because I didn’t.... see much of one.  I don’t think the writers intentionally took anything from Kate there, I think they just were like “ah yes, a low-class sex worker, she’s gonna say ‘ell guvna fancy a fuck luv” but also argue with him because we can’t think of anything else for her to do or any other way to mine humor out of her.  

I also see a lot of conflation of racism and classism by these people, and... no.  Regardless of your class, if you are a person of color in the western world, you have probably experienced racism.  I mean, fuck, we just saw an entire expose about how you can enter the royal family in England and experience intense racism.  Regardless of whether or not Siena is lower class, she will never experience the type of adversity that people experience with racism.  There’s this desperate attempt to pretend that what Siena experiences is the same as racism, which is clearly an attempt to make an excuse to dog Kate.

But ultimately tbh none of this matters in terms of what will be ON THE SHOW (editing to clarify: of course it matters in terms of what it reflects re: racism and how harmful it is to people of color who have to see it).  Season 2 is going to happen.  I’ll hedge my bets now that it’ll be wildly popular.  Kate will be loved by the vast majority of people watching.  These people will have even less content than they do now and they’ll show their asses even more and get dog piled on or fade away.  Kate and Anthony are about as canon as it gets.  Anthony canonically says that she’s the best he’s ever had lmao, she is the love of his life, he marries her and she pops out several babies for him.  So I’m just getting ready to drink my Kate Sharma Stan Juice when that season releases, because racists are gonna be racist especially when they have a white woman to worship.  But I know what I know.

[jeanmoreaux]

hi mish!! what are your thoughts on you s3 so far?? 👀 and i would love to know what u think of the finale and if you have any theories for next season ❣

LINA ❤️️❤️️ hi!!! i finished s3 of you yesterday and sdfghjklkjhgfd i have some thoughts!! i definitely was entertain throughout my watch but i am not sure how much i enjoyed it?? in my opinion it definitely was the messiest and worst season so far? ((and i don't just say that bc they killed off my fav character, but i mean even though i expected it to happen it's still kind of a bummer that joe killed love in the end.)) they tried to put so much into 10 episodes without giving certain plot points and characters time to breathe and fill up the narrative. it was almost a little too much to really create this feeling of unease that the other two seasons managed to create. there were so many murders and so many subplots and it all just didn't have an emotional build up bc there either wasn't time or it was tinted with humor, which was a little confusing bc the subject matter isn't funny? in general i think it's a little weird that the tone of this seasons was a little lighter than before? also i don't like how their depiction of joe pivoted a little. i thought this season tried harder to make joe the reasonable one in comparison to love. link an anti-hero type (yikes!) that has some guiding noble principles and does the wrong things for the right reasons when he's actually a deluded stalker who projects his desires onto strangers and gets pissed when they don't live up to his unattainable fantasies. and that concerns me a little bc like, i unironically saw guys online reaffirm that notion by making the argument that love kills when she's in a jealous passion and joe kills to protect others and that makes it okay and kind of sympathetic (👀 worstie, nooo). so yeah, not too stoked about these hot takes. i am gonna miss love though. i don't really have predictions for season 3 though. i just hope they go back to making sure everyone know joe is the worst. i also don't think we're gonna see marianne again (at least i hope so! she deserves better). I REALLY hope season 4 is gonna be the last season and joe gets what's coming for him. i want it to be cathartic. he's the worst.

((honestly, my ideal s3 ending would have had love kill joe and become the main character for next season. i think moving the series forward with her would have been more interesting. i am a little tired of joe lmao it's always the same with him. a woman smiles at him once and he's convinced she wants to get in his pants.))

[mythiccheroacademia]

remember how i was whining on and on about how i couldn’t bring my oc to life? well a wonderful human being too good for this world literally swooped in and shut my ass up with this beautiful piece of art unprovoked 😭 LOOK AT THIS!!

i’d like to introduce y’all to Dr. Phoebe Amaru! She’s Class 1-A’s personal psychologist!!

before i give y’all the run down of this character, i want to again sincerely thank @cherri-fizz for giving the time and energy to draw my OC. (p.s. sorry it took me so long to post, i was trying to get her character down!) anyways, i’m trying not to be weird so i’ll chill, but this was honestly beautiful and i’m so touched. you’re very sweet and talented. thank you <3

@alley-way is their art account and i’m literally demanding you bother them w your love and support

down below is a brief rundown of who Dr. Amaru is and more references from picrew! read on if you’d like!

miss plain jane over here was created solely from the desire to fulfill my top ship. class 1-A x therapy! she’s not my first OC (or most decorative lol), but she’s one that i adore and plan to explore her character in a fanfic I have planned out for the future. here are some picrews i used to figure out her physical features

Full Name: Phoebe Isao Amaru Age: 29 Height: 6′0 Build: Tall, Slim, Lean Birthday: Feb 14th Nationality: Canadian  Quirk: Absolute Will; The excess willpower of those around her percolates into her body. She can expel it whenever she wishes. Risks include losing it all at once and being left without any drive and/or motivation. She hasn’t felt willpower of her own since she was four Occupation: Clinical Psychologist. Ex Pro-Hero Alias: Once Divinity. Now Dr. Amaru Status: Alive  Personality: An intelligient, quiet, lithe, woman with an intimidating face that doesn’t match her gentle personality. She walks with grace and has a capturing presence to her. She’s very honest and direct. Adaptable in terms of the kind of “energy” her patients need from her. Has a very charitable disposition and projects a strong image even though she deals with her own insecurity issues. Despite her calm nature, she’s quick to chuckle and has a fiery sense of humor that needs to show its face more often. Type B personality. ISFJ. Aquarius  Likes: decorative earrings, smiles, lowfi music, shoes/heels, the color black, and applesauce Dislikes: social media and sugary foods Character Context: Due to the onslaught of concerned parents, Principal Nezu hires Dr. Amaru, a well-distinguished and internationally recognized adolescent clinical psychologist who took a year long hiatus for unknown reasons. She’s tasked with being Class 1-A’s main resource of mental health support. Some of the students take an immediate liking to her while others are completely disinterested in her services. She’s thrown a curve ball with these 20 students. However, through the trials and tribulations, both Class 1-A and Dr. Amaru restore a strength in each other they didn’t know they lacked.  Possible Romantic Interests: Shouta Aizawa, Sekijiro Kan

so yeah! i hope you enjoyed this brief overview of this character. i literally have “her story” planned out and everything. plus, i want to go further into class 1a’s psyche bc they’ve been through the ringer. but it’ll have to wait until when i’m not overwhelmed with 600 other projects lmao. anyways, thanks for reading and look out for more!

[steppedoffaflight]

Summer’s a Knife - Chapter 1

“You know, if they’re really buggin’ you…” Van’s voice is quiet, but it cuts through the soft background noise of the street. He gives another one of his shrugs, as if what he’s about to say next isn’t important. “We could head back up to my room,” He finishes.

or

Your annual birthday trip with your best friend to San Diego ends in a chance encounter with Van McCann.

A/N: Clearly I’ve just created this blog and popped up out of nowhere, but I wanted somewhere separate to post my writing. This is a full length fic that is (almost) finished and I plan to post a new chapter once a week. It’s incredibly long and I’ve been working on this universe forever so if you’d like to come talk about it in my ask please do lmao.

Word count: ~11k

Chapter One

January 2019

Every single year you debate driving down to San Diego for your birthday.

But once you’re there, welcomed into the city by bustling shops and their neon signs, the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the comfort of your usual hotel and the good company you bring with you, you never doubt this tradition.

It started three years ago, making this your fourth trip down here. At first it had been impulsive, a dangerous combination of your desire to run away after dealing with your family for the Christmas holidays and your best friend Mary’s down-for-anything attitude. You two had packed up and made the 3 hour drive from L.A., making a hotel reservation on the fly. After a relaxing weekend shopping, laying out on the beach, and forgetting about all the chaos of the holidays, you two returned back home refreshed, renewed, and determined to make this a usual thing.

And so it became. The next January you two made your return voyage, this time scheduling the trip so it landed on your birthday, which only amplified the excitement and festivities. That’s how the tradition remained; despite internal debates between you and Mary about whether you could afford it, and whether the drive was worth it when you could easily do something fun closer to home, you two faithfully continued to celebrate your birthday in this fashion.

This year is no different from any other, except for the addition of Theo, Mary’s boyfriend. She was dating him on your last birthday, but not long enough for you two to guarantee he wouldn’t spoil your fun. By this year, however, he was practically a second best friend to you, fitting into you and Mary’s clique nicely.

After a long, afternoon car ride in traffic under the blistering California sun and a two-hour debate over the music, the three of you have finally arrived and checked in to your hotel. And once you’re finally out on the hotel room balcony, looking down at the sprawling view of the beach and sparkling ocean, you know that despite your doubts this was so worth it.

\\

After getting settled in and some light shopping, your first order of business is getting some food, preferably something greasy and carb-y. Thankfully, there’s a bar right across the street from the hotel that has excellent reviews and some amazing photos of bar burgers online, so you three decide to have dinner there.

It’s a quaint place, a narrow building fighting for sidewalk space, but considering its positive reputation and its proximity to the hotel it’s packed. It takes a good forty-five minutes to be seated at a small round table near the outer edge of the room, and still some time after that for someone to be available to place your orders, but eventually everyone has hot food and cold drinks.

And even after the food is gone the drinks keep flowing, the three of you ringing in your annual trip by ordering rounds of whatever drink name sounded the most interesting.

“You know,” Mary starts when Theo brings back a tray of mixed drinks that have sliced strawberries laying at the bottom of the glass, “I think that guy’s been staring at you.”

You roll your eyes. “Stop.”

“I’m serious!” Mary insists, her voice raising slightly. “I thought maybe he was into Theo, but he didn’t check him out when he went to get drinks. He’s been glancing at you.”

“Lost another man to Y/N,” Theo shrugs.

“You’ve lost zero men to me,” you correct him sternly, “Because men are not interested in me.”

“Not true!” Mary argues. “I’m literally watching someone be interested in you!”

“Is he a creep?” You lean forward to whisper. Mary keeps glancing over your shoulder, so you know he’s behind you, and you’re absolutely determined not to turn around and make a scene trying to take a peek at him.

“No! He seems normal.”

You sigh. She’ll never get off your case unless you humor her. “What’s he look like?”

Mary narrows her eyes, takes a long sip of her drink, and seems to mull over her next words. “Really… normal. Floppy kinda hair. But not in a Justin-Bieber-swoopy way, ya know? Clean shaven. Simple clothes. Can’t really see if he’s got tattoos or anything.”

You try to piece together a mental image. “What color hair?”

“Eh. It’s hard to see in this light. I think brown. Maybe black?”

“How do you know he’s looking at me?”

“He’s not like, staring at you,” Mary looks down quickly, pretends to be interested in the drink menu. “Oh fuck, I think he saw me looking.” She points to a random picture of a drink, pretending to look interested. “He’s mostly on his phone, but he’ll glance over once in a while.”

“Who’s he with?”

“Nobody. I think.”

“So he’s just sitting at a table alone?”

“He’s not at a table,” Mary chances a glance up. “He’s sitting at the bar. I haven’t seen him talk to anyone so yeah, I think he’s here alone.”

“Good to know,” you murmur, taking a long sip of your drink. “Anyway…”

Your efforts to get a new conversation going last for a little while, but Mary stays persistent.

“You should go get us another round,” She suggests.

You narrow your eyes at her, lifting your half-full glass. “We don’t need another round!”

“I do,” She insists, and with an obnoxious slurping noise she gulps up what’s left in her glass through her straw.

“That’s lovely,” You nod, “Enjoy grabbing yourself one.”

Theo snorts at that. Mary is not amused.

“Y/N!” She huffs.

“What?” An edge of irritation has crept into your voice from her persistence. “Why are you always trying to matchmake me? I’m just trying to enjoy my birthday weekend!”

“Hey, you’re the one that told me you wanted this year to be different for you! You know, try new things, put yourself out there, get out of your comfort zone, all that good stuff! What better place to put yourself out there than somewhere away from home?”

You let out a long, agitated sigh. Of course Mary would turn the heart-to-heart you guys had last week into excuses for her meddling.

“This isn’t what I meant,” You huff. “I didn’t mean pick up a random creepy stranger the second I get to San Diego! I more meant, like, I wanted to go on more dates! Have more nights out with you! Get a better job!”

“Plus,” You continue, encouraged by her silence, “I was talking about the year in general. No need to rush into this weekend!”

Mary lets you finish, listening carefully to your rebuttal. But you know better, bracing yourself for her next point after she takes a long sip of her drink.

“Obviously, you have all year.” She states it like it’s an obvious fact, adjusting the hair hanging over her shoulder. “But hear me out, and stay with me here: To set up the rest of the year so that you can enjoy yourself, like freely going on dates, you’re going to have to break your dry spell.” She says the last part with her hands pressed together in prayer position, her fingertips pointing towards you.

Mary lets the first part of her message sink in while it’s your turn to sip your drink. When you’re done you fidget with your straw, eager for something to do while your cheeks heat up in a mild blush. It’s not like it’s any secret that you’ve been busy and haven’t been on a date in a… long time, and as a consequence have not been having sex, but you can’t help but duck your head, feeling called out.

“So to enjoy the rest of the year, you’ve got to do some preparation. Like jumping in a pool, right? If you want to swim, you’ve got to get in the cold water first. So I’m saying have some fun this weekend, and then you’ll be warmed up to do all the crazy, uncomfortable shit you want to this year.”

She was right, but you won’t admit it. And even if she’s right, there’s still no chance, ever, in a million years, that you’re going to go hit on a random guy at the bar.

“Mary,” You say sternly, “I am not hitting on a random ass man in this bar. The end.”

Theo, well-accustomed to the bickering that occasionally happens between you guys, finally clears his throat. Mary doesn’t say anything either. It’s obvious that the conversation is over, and the matchmaking topic is best dropped for the time being.

You take the last sip of your drink, surprised when the straw slurps. 

“I’m gonna go get another round,” You tell them, and don’t bother to take their orders. You use the moment to collect yourself, heading for the bathroom first, and that’s when you see him.

He’s just as Mary described; hunched over his phone, thumbing the screen while he takes idle sips from a bottle of beer. He’s in a dark jacket, collar pulled tight to his neck, and dark jeans. You can see his knee bouncing anxiously where it’s bent so that his feet can rest on the bar of the stool. As you pass by him, a necessary evil to get to the bathroom, he looks up. He looks away just as quick, but his eyes flit back to yours, the two of you making awkward eye contact for a millisecond before he’s looked away yet again. He sets his phone down on the bar, his fingers nervously running through his hair as he looks to the bartender as if he’s going to order, but you notice he doesn’t. You’re overly aware of the breeze between your bodies as you awkwardly step behind him, but once you’ve shimmied between him and another table you’re in the clear, ducking your head down and trying to make it to the bathroom a little faster.

When you head back to the table you make sure to walk around the perimeter of the room, avoiding the bar altogether. 

\\

The rest of the night is as fun as can be. Matchmaking topics are dropped, Mary is in a better mood when you return, and the drinks keep flowing until suddenly it’s last call. 

“Aw,” Mary groans as the bartender makes the announcement a second time. “But I’m still having fun! What sort of bar in a city this busy isn’t open twenty-four hours?”

“That is pretty dumb on their part,” You nod. “They could make a lot of money.”

“Should we grab something? Or call it a night?” Theo asks, gesturing to his empty beer bottle.

“We have been here a while,” You realize when you check the time on your phone, which has been forgotten in the business of today. “Maybe we should call it a night.” 

There’s a reluctant agreement to that until you guys stand up, shuffling your chairs back in place.

“Wait!” Mary exclaims, eyes shining as she throws her bag over her shoulder. “The hotel bar is open all night!”

Everyone’s mood seems to perk up at that suggestion, and you chew it over as you flip through your wallet, looking for some cash to pay your tab. You should probably be exhausted by now, considering the day you’ve had, but the hustle and bustle of the city at night makes it hard for you to feel tired.

“We could…” You trail off, glancing at Theo. He seems into the idea too, and by the time the three of you have paid your tabs and merged with the crowd of people heading for the doors, your plans to continue the night are set. 

The sun had set when you guys make it outside, the sky blanketing the street in a navy blue, barely any stars visible from the light pollution. The neon light from the bar sign shines over the cement, and for a moment in the quiet air the chime of the door opening and closing is the only sound.

“C’mon,” Mary giggles, and you realize you've been swimming in your own thoughts, drunker than you expected to be. She leads the way, fearlessly dashing onto the street as you and Theo stumble behind. You can see headlights making their way towards you, but they’re far enough away and you cross safely.

As soon as the car passes, and the street is shrouded in darkness again, you see him. The guy in the dark jacket is crossing too, a little ways down the road, hands buried in his pockets, head bowed towards the ground.

Instantly his presence sets you on high alert, your stomach feeling uneasy and heart palpitating. Theo and Mary are already headed through the hotel doors and you follow behind them, praying the guy hasn’t seen you. He was far enough down the street that it didn’t seem like he was coming to the hotel, but you can’t shake the fear that there’s a sinister connection between the way Mary and Theo said he couldn’t take his eyes off of you and the way you were both headed in the same direction. 

The hotel lobby is warm and glowing, and despite the late hours there are still people bustling about. You usher Mary and Theo away from the doors under the guise of trying not to block anyone’s way. You check over your shoulder in a fit of paranoia, but there’s no strange man in a dark jacket to be seen through the glass. You breathe a small sigh of relief.

“I need to go back up to the room,” Mary announces, and you see she’s examining herself in the black screen of her phone. “My makeup’s smeared everywhere.”

“I’m sure mine is too,” You agree. “Let’s head up there real quick.”

“I’m gonna go have a smoke, then,” Theo says, “So just come meet me out there when you’re done. Don’t take forever!”

You and Mary promise not to take too long before heading for the elevators, unsteady on your feet and overly giggly.

You realize that Mary was right as one of you finally gets the room key to work, and you both dash to fix yourselves up as quick as you can. You didn’t feel the slightest bit tired, and instead you were actually excited to keep the night going. Maybe it was just the alcohol pumping through your veins, but you felt a sudden surge of gratefulness for her as you dabbed away a bit of smeared mascara from your under eye.

“You were right,” you say out loud. 

Mary is leaned over the bathroom sink next to you, and you watch her eyebrows furrow. “About what?”

“Tonight,” You say, grabbing for your hairbrush. San Diego humidity has made your hair resemble a frizzy bird’s nest, and you try to smooth it back out. “It’s just got that kind of vibe, you know? You were right about needing a round two.”

“Right?” Mary gestures with her hands, makeup sponge almost hitting you in the face. 

“You’re good at getting me out of my comfort zone,” You admit. 

“Exactly!” Mary seems overjoyed at this admission, and she turns to you, putting her hands on your shoulders. “That’s what best friends are for! That’s my fucking job! And I’m fucking good at it!”

You two realize how drunk you sound and burst out laughing, steadying yourselves on the marble counter.

“Okay, okay,” You say as you start to catch your breath, “C’mon, Theo’s waiting!”

“Ah, fuck him,” Mary jokes, gathering up her things and shoving them back into her purse before following you out into the hall.

“Speaking of,” Mary groans, before bringing her phone up to her ear. “Hi, babe!” She chirps happily, before rolling her eyes at you. You can’t stifle your laughter.

“We’re headed downstairs right now,” Mary confirms as she pushes the call button on the elevator. “Okay, we’ll come to you.”

Down in the lobby, you two navigate your way out of the hotel and around the corner of the building, based on the instructions Theo had given Mary on the phone.

“Hey,” Mary greets Theo when she rounds the corner. You’re right behind her, but when you turn the corner you stop in your tracks.

“Hey, guys,” Theo greets you both easily. Mary is tucking herself under his arm while another figure standing next to him watches. You recognize the dark jacket instantly, and your mouth goes dry. 

You realize you’re an awkward distance away from your friends, and force yourself to step closer, watching the other man take a puff of his cigarette. 

“This is Van,” Theo tells you both, taking a drag of his cigarette. He exhales before motioning between you two. “Van, this is Mary, my girlfriend, and this is Y/N, her best friend.” 

“Ah, Mary, that’s me mum’s name,” the british accent that comes out of the stranger startles you, and you watch as Van reaches his hand out for a handshake with Mary. “Lovely name,” He laughs. Mary takes his hand happily, and they laugh about her name for a brief moment before he’s suddenly turned to you.

“And Y/N, that’s a great name too,” You can see his grin in the darkness. “Don’t know anyone named that, but it’s a lovely name regardless.” He extends his hand to you, and you swallow thickly as you take it. His hand envelops yours, and there’s a warmth that lingers even after the handshake is done.

“So’s Van,” You say after you’ve realized how impolite your silence must seem. “Never met anyone with that name either.”

“Yeah, It’s after Van Morrison,” He quips, “But when I was born my name was Ryan. Bet you’ve met someone with that name.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Mary speaks up suddenly. You smile at the mention of an ex-fling.

“Bad associations, huh?” Van seems to find it funny, beaming at her. “Well everyone calls me Van, so hopefully that’ll be alright.”

“Anyway, before you guys walked out, I was just telling Van that he should join us tonight,” Theo chimes in. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Yeah!” Mary, of course, is all for the idea even as your stomach continues to do somersaults. How strange was it that this guy actually was headed for the hotel? And even more strange that he ended up chatting with Theo!

Thankfully nobody notices your silence as Van tries to brush off the invite, Theo and Mary playfully pressuring him into it.

“Please!” Mary begs, “It’ll be so fun. It’s Y/N’s birthday, so the more the merrier!”

Van turns back toward you, face still covered in the grin that hasn’t left from the moment he shook your hand.

“Is it really?” He inquires, cocking his head.

“Tomorrow, technically,” You explain. “As in, it’s past midnight right now, so there’s all of today, and then it’s my birthday.”

“Oh, cheers, happy birthday. How old are ya?”

“Gonna be 24.”

“Ah, I loved 24,” Van lights up, taking a puff of his cigarette before gesturing with his hands. “One of the best years ever. Had the best fucking time.”

“How old are you, then?” You can’t help but ask.

“‘M 26. Gonna be 27 in the summer.”

“Oh. You made it sound like you were way older. Scared me.” The nagging anxiety that he’s some murderer that’s stalking you still tugs at your chest, but something about him keeps the conversation flowing, you volunteering information without thinking about it. 

“Nah. Seems like forever ago, though.”

“So you’ll get drinks with us?” Mary cuts in excitedly. 

“Well, I guess that’s up to the birthday girl,” Van laughs, gesturing to you. “Am I invited to the party?”

All of the sudden Theo, Mary, and Van are looking at you expectantly, and what were you supposed to do then?

“I mean, why not?” You can’t help but laugh, more in disbelief at how this night is turning out. “Like Mary said, the more the merrier, right?” 

“Mary’s are always right,” Van nods in agreement. Him and Theo snuff out their cigarettes on the sidewalk before heading around the corner back towards the main doors. 

You and Mary lag behind, Mary silently clapping in encouragement and you widening your eyes in an attempt to portray your anxiety. 

“You said I was right about tonight!” She hisses as you two head through the front doors. 

“About having more drinks!” You hiss back. “He’s some weirdo that’s been watching me all night and then followed me to the hotel!” You glance around for him, worried he heard, but thankfully you spot him with Theo heading into the hotel bar.

“Because you’re both at the same hotel and went across the street for drinks?” Mary asks, dubious. “He seems super nice!”

Your conversation dies out as you follow the boys to the table. It’s a small four-seater nestled in the corner, and with Mary naturally sitting next to Theo that leaves you next to Van.

In a quick motion Van’s grabbed the back of your chair from where he’s sitting, pulling it out for you.

“Oh, thanks,” You tell him, taken aback as you sit down.

“No problem,” He says casually, turning back towards Theo and continuing their conversation. You and Mary make eye contact, her eyes widening in what you can tell is pure delight.

“Let’s grab drinks,” Mary announces suddenly, hand coming to rest on Theo’s arm. He goes with her easily, leaving you and Van alone for a moment.

“I never get used to this kind of thing,” Van says. He turns toward you, but he’s looking past you at the rest of the bar. “Places being so busy at night.”

“That’s L.A. for you,” You sigh. “I guess technically we aren’t in L.A. right now, though. But still.”

Van nods in understanding. “Are you from L.A?”

“No,” You shake your head. “I’m from the midwest. From a much, much smaller town. But I live in L.A.”

“Ah. I’ve got a place there, too,” He tells you.

“Obviously you’re not from there,” You say, unable to help the smile that makes its way onto your face at the unspoken joke.

Van’s signature grin is back. “Obviously not,” He laughs. “Nah, I’m from somewhere much, much smaller, too. From the U.K., obviously.”

“Obviously,” You echo him, and you two share a smile before drinks are being set on the table, Mary and Theo having returned.

“So, Van,” Mary begins as she hands out everyone’s drinks. Van must’ve told Theo what he wanted, because there’s one for him that he accepts graciously. “What brings you to San Diego?”

“I’m in a band, actually. We’re called Catfish and the Bottlemen,” Van admits, taking a sip of his beer. “We’re on tour right now. Had a show here tonight.”

“No way! Where did you guys play?”

“The House of Blues.”

Mary sputters on her drink. “Holy shit!”

Van laughs, taking another sip. “Yeah, it was fucking incredible.”

“Sounds amazing,” Mary agrees. “We’ll have to check you guys out!”

“Yeah, for sure,” Van nods eagerly. “Y/N was just sayin’ she lives in L.A., next time we’re around there I could get you guys some tickets.”

“That’d be perfect,” Mary beams at him. 

“You’re up late!” You can’t help but blurt out. You’d checked your phone while Mary and Van were talking, and it’s closer to morning than you thought.

You realize everyone at the table is looking at you and clear your throat, putting your phone face down back on the table. “I just mean, aren’t you exhausted? After doing a whole show?”

“Nah,” Van shrugs. “It’s such a rush, the adrenaline keeps me going after. I can’t just head back to the hotel and go to sleep. Keeps my heart pumping, you know?”

You nod, even though you can’t personally identify with the experience. Just like that, any awkwardness from your random exclamation is soothed away from Van’s laid-back response, and as conversation continues to flow easily again you can’t help but marvel at his charisma. Maybe Mary was right about him not being a potential murderer.

Van’s the first to notice when everyone’s low on drinks, and politely offers to go grab another round. Everyone else had been too preoccupied in their current discussion, which consisted of questioning Van on the different aspects of U.K. culture and stereotypes. 

“Y/N, go help him,” Mary tells you, peering at you over the rim of her almost-empty glass. You blush and roll your eyes, but you listen. 

Van’s already standing at the bar, so you try to strategize the least awkward way to come up behind him. Thankfully, he sees you out of the corner of his eye, turning towards you and giving you a small smile.

“Hey,” You start nervously, leaning on the countertop next to him. “Just thought you could use some help carrying this stuff back.”

“I could, actually,” Van smiles gratefully. “I ordered it before I realized there were four of us. Was kinda hoping you’d be the one to come help.”

You blush at his words, but try desperately not to read too much into it. “Sorry,” You say suddenly, and Van’s head cocks in confusion.

“About us grilling you back there,” You explain. “I’m sure you get those questions all the time. It’s probably annoying.”

Van’s easy-going shrug makes another appearance while you two watch the bartender mix up your drinks.

“I don’t mind,” He replies. “You guys are proper funny. Anything you wanna know, I’m happy to tell ya.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, another potentially awkward moment dissolving.

Midway through his beer, Van starts shouldering on his coat, which had been hanging on the back of his chair. Your stomach sinks as you realize this is probably his way of saying goodbye. 

“Gonna head out for a smoke,” He tells the table, then nods to Theo. “You need one?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Theo declines, but there’s an edge to his voice that sounds like he’s being dishonest. You mull over why he just wouldn’t go have one when Mary pipes up.

“Y/N, you look like you need some air.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “What?”

Van hesitates where he’s been pushing his chair back in.

“You’ve been yawning,” Mary explains, and her eyes widen at you for just a quarter of a second, trying to convey an urgent message. “Go get some fresh air.”

You can already feel your stomach tying itself in knots at the idea of being alone with Van. It was one thing to enjoy easy conversation with him in a group setting, never mind how he’s had to iron out your awkwardness more than once. It was a whole other thing to go pester him when you’re sure he wanted a minute alone. You stay frozen in your seat.

“Can’t have you yawning,” Van says from behind you, and you feel the back of his hand brush your shoulder playfully. “C’mon.”

You swallow hard but give in to the peer pressure, slowly rising from your seat. You glare at Mary before you turn to Van, who nods his head towards the door as you two head out together.

It’s a silent walk outside and around the corner, to the same spot you’d first met Van in just a couple hours prior. He fishes a box of cigarettes out of his coat pocket and pops one into his mouth, offering the open box to you.

“You smoke?” He inquires.

“No,” You tell him, and he goes to put the box back. “But gimme one,” You say quickly.

Van doesn’t question it, offering the box to you again. You pick one and Van fishes out a lighter. 

“Ladies first,” He hums around his cigarette, and offers the flame of his lighter to you. Once your cigarette is lit he lights his own, and you watch him visibly relax as he takes his first drag.

Off the top of your head, you figure it’s been at least a year since you’ve had a cigarette. You’ve never done it as a habit, but you’re not opposed to having one on occasion, especially on nights like these when your nerves were making you crawl out of your skin. The taste isn’t pleasant, but it’s familiar, and it soothes you.

“I’m sorry about them,” You apologize after you two have had a moment of peace and quiet. “They’re being… obnoxious.”

Van tips his head back, exhaling a puff of smoke and laughing at the same time. “Ah, don’t be. I love ‘em.”

“That makes one of us,” You joke, soliciting another laugh from Van.

Silence lapses over you two, and it leaves too much space for you to realize how attractive he is, sneaking glances at his face the way you have been all night. You catch him looking at you and quickly divert your eyes down to the pavement. But when you look back up, he’s still looking.

“You know, if they’re really buggin’ you…” Van’s voice is quiet, but it cuts through the soft background noise of the street. He gives another one of his shrugs, as if what he’s about to say next isn’t important. “We could head back up to my room,” He finishes.

Your stomach squeezes, sending any butterflies in there into an absolute frenzy. You stare at him in absolute shock as you try to process what he’s said. 

“Or your room, if you prefer,” He tacks on, punctuating his offer with an inhale of his cigarette. 

As he smokes you remember your own cigarette and take a puff from it, buying yourself time to try and weigh your options. It was hard to think rationally with your heart about to pound out of your chest, but in general the more the possibility turned over in your mind, the more your mind ticked off reasons it was a good idea; You were attracted to him, and if anything went wrong, you’d be in the safety of the hotel. Plus, besides for the fake-stalking incident you overreacted about, he hasn’t triggered one red flag, which is more than you can say about any date you’ve had in the past year.

“Well, considering we’re sharing a room,” You start, exhaling smoke, “it’s probably best if we go back to yours.”

Van laughs at that, tipping his head back to rest against the brick wall. “My room it is.”

You both finish up your cigarettes with a poignant silence hanging between you. It makes your mouth go dry and your hands shake, nerves getting the best of you, and you conceal it the best you can from Van, who seems cool as a cucumber. He’s looking at you openly now, desire written clearly on his face, and it feels like the temperature outside is rising when you meet his gaze. 

“Ready to head back in?” He asks, done with his cigarette first, stomping it out.

You follow suit. “Yeah.”

Van keeps pace with you as you two head back into the hotel walking side-by-side, his hands buried in his pockets. He gets the lobby door for you, gesturing dramatically, and you laugh, feeling some of your anxiety melt away.

“I have to grab my bag,” You tell him as you two head for the elevators, which is past the hotel bar. “And tell them where I’m going.”

“Course,” Van replies, letting you lead the way to the bar.

You turn to him just as you’re about to walk in. “What’s your room number?”

A slight smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “337,” He tells you.

He hangs back as you head to the table, the gravity of what you’re about to tell Mary and Theo finally hitting you. 

“Hey guys,” You say nervously as you approach. They’re wide-eyed and silent, obviously curious about how your moment alone with Van had gone.

“So, I’m gonna head up to his room,” You explain slowly, grabbing your bag off of the seat of your chair. “He’s in room 337 in case I go missing.”

“No way!” Mary exclaims, and you see her peering around your body towards where Van is standing. “I can’t fucking believe this!”

“Are you guys gonna be okay without me?” You ask. You’re mostly kidding, but there’s an edge to your voice. “I mean, this is for my birthday and all, so if you wanted me to stick around I-”

“Oh my god,” Mary says, exasperated, but she’s grinning. Theo is too. “Shut up and go! Get on with it!” She makes an exaggerated shooing gesture with her hands, before she mimes pushing you away from the table.

“Remember to use a condom!” Are her parting words as you head back to where Van’s leaned against the wall by the entrance.

“Like I said…” You say as you approach, knowing he’s seen the entire exchange even if he couldn’t hear it. He’s beaming, and when you look over your shoulder you see Theo and Mary giving you both a thumbs up, waving you away. “...Sorry about them.”

Van doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest, leading the way to the elevator. It’s pretty late, the amount of people awake at this hour starting to become sparse, so the elevator comes immediately when Van calls it. Predictably, he lets you on first before he trails behind, punching the button for his floor.

The wait for the elevator to make it to the third floor is about as awkward as it usually is, maybe a little less considering there were no strangers in your breathing space. You flip through your phone even though it’s got no service and nothing will load, and Van opts to gaze around, looking lost in thought. When the elevator comes to a halt and the doors slide open, Van presses his hand to the seam of the doors so you can safely exit before he follows.

“Do you always let everyone go first?” You can’t help but ask as he leads you down the hall and around a corner.

“Um,” He seems confused at the question as he pats his pockets, clearly looking for the room key. “I mean, it’s different with my mates, but usually I do. Is that not something you do here?”

“Holding the door? Yeah, sure, but I’ve never met anyone who does it as… consistently as you.”

Van’s found the key card in the inner pocket of his jacket, and he comes to a stop in front of room 337. 

“Raised with good manners, I guess,” Is his explanation as he gets the room unlocked. He turns the knob but still lets you in first, your bodies brushing slightly in the narrow doorway. It gives you goosebumps.

You don’t know what you were expecting to walk into, but you’re pleasantly surprised that his room is just like any other suite. It’s a bit more spacious than yours, but that’s due to the fact he’s only got one bed, a king bed that looks so soft it practically makes your eyes water. It’s still impeccably made, the entire room untouched except for his luggage arranged nicely by the room air conditioning unit.

“This room is nice,” He remarks from behind you after he’s put the chain on the door. “I haven’t been in here yet, not gonna lie, I was a little nervous about what we’d be walking in to.”

“Whose stuff is that?” You ask in confusion, pointing at the suitcases.

“Oh, that’s mine. Someone from the crew brings ‘em up.”

“I see,” You murmur, as Van shrugs his jacket off and slings it over the chair resting at the desk. 

“Want something to drink?” He asks, and when you look at him you notice there’s a gift basket resting on the desk, a corked bottle of wine and glasses perfectly arranged inside.

“Yeah, sure,” You agree, setting your purse down on the desk while he procures a corkscrew from the basket. 

“I’m gonna freshen up real quick,” You tell him as he goes about trying to open the bottle. You linger for just a moment, watching the way the tip of his tongue sticks out of his mouth in concentration and the fabric of his button up shirt strains over his arms before you walk away.

When you come back into the room Van’s sitting on the bed against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed over each other. He’s messing around on his phone, and on each of the bedside tables there’s a full glass of red wine, Van’s with slightly less than yours.

“Jeez, at least take your shoes off,” You laugh, his black boots looking sorely out of place on the white duvet. He looks up at you, then, his gaze following you while you make your way to the empty side of the bed and take a seat. 

“Just my shoes?” He inquires, a mischievous smile appearing. But he sets his phone aside, leaning forward and unzipping his boots, chucking them off.

“And your socks, duh,” You joke, and he obeys, and soon his bare feet are exposed.

“That all?” He asks, the pitch of his voice lower than it’d been a second ago. It makes your heart skip a beat, and you swallow thickly.

In a sudden rush of boldness you reach over, giving the fabric of his button up a quick tug. “This too, maybe.”

“Ah, but it’s got so many buttons,” Van says in faux-concern. It’s so cheesy, and you can tell he knows it from the grin on his face, but you climb up onto your knees on the bed anyway. 

“I can help,” You try to keep a straight face while you say it, but a laugh manages to bubble up despite your best efforts. Still, it doesn’t stop you from completing the task, undoing his buttons only to reveal a black t-shirt underneath.

“Sort of anti-climactic,” You tell him. 

“S’ exactly why I needed help,” He tells you, leaning forward. “Two is just too much work.”

You slide your palms over his shoulders, easing the button up off of him. The slide of your hands against his arms is the first real skin-on-skin contact you’ve had, and the feeling of his smooth skin and soft hairs is strange and exciting. 

“There you go,” You hum, tossing the shirt away from the bed. There’s a moment of panic where you wonder if maybe he’s someone who’s particular about his clothes, and you could’ve just thrown some sort of priceless designer shirt on the floor like it was nothing. But from the way he’s looking at you it’s clear a shirt on the floor is the last thing on his mind, and you exhale in relief.

“Alright, round two,” You say quietly, but Van shakes his head.

“I’ve got this one,” He murmurs. “Just needed help with the buttons.” One of the corners of his mouth quirks up, and suddenly he’s pinched the hem of your shirt between his index finger and his thumb and given it a slight tug. “You worry about yours.”

You oblige, trying to get your top over your head as gracefully as possible. Van’s tugged his t-shirt off in record time, and you jump when you feel his cold hands help you get your shirt the rest of the way off.

Instinctually you go for his belt, starting to get into the rhythm of how these things go. He lays there quietly while you get it unbuckled and tuck your fingers against the warm skin of his stomach to unbutton his jeans, and tilts his hips up obediently so you can shimmy them down his legs. 

There’s a heavy moment where you take him in, laying back against the headboard in only his briefs. He’s got a smattering of dark hair no matter where you look; over his thighs, on his chest, in a thin line making its way under the waistband of his underwear. 

“No fair.” Van finally interrupts your gazing. “I’m the only one not wearing pants.”

It takes all your willpower to rip your eyes away from his form, but you stand up from the bed, unbuttoning and starting to peel your skin tight jeans off of your legs. He watches you the whole time, and you blame his gaze and your self-consciousness for throwing you off balance as you kick your pants off of your ankles, almost falling over.

Van is sitting up straight in a flash, his hand shooting out to steady you. It lands on your hip, his fingers digging into the skin right above your underwear, and you look up at him, gasping in a mix of mortification and surprise.

“Ya good?” Van asks quietly as you steady yourself.

“Yeah, yeah,” You assure him, although you can feel your face heating up from the blunder. Van withdraws his hand and it feels like the most frustrating thing in the world, your body screaming for more.

“Sorry,” You apologize nervously as you get back on the bed, making your way over Van’s long legs and settling down next to him.

Van seems amused at your apology. “No worries,” He assures you, turning his head so he’s facing you. His face is way too close, self consciousness burning through you as you two examine each other from mere inches away.

His hand comes to rest on your side again, this time landing on the skin right under the band of your bra, and before you can inevitably make the moment awkward by any means necessary he’s leaned in, and your lips melt together.

It’s a bit chaste, but definitely not the worst kiss you’ve ever received. After a few beats Van pulls away.

“Sorry,” He grunts, shifting his body weight. “This is such a weird way to sit. My arm’s getting crushed.” He tries to move himself from where he’s pinned his shoulder against the headboard in order to face you.

You make the snap decision in that moment to slide down from where you’re sitting so that you’re laying down.

“Here,” You tell him, “Let’s try it this way.”

From the way Van’s eyes travel up and down your body, you know he’s caught your drift. 

“Yeah,” He smirks, laying down next to you. With a few minor adjustments he’s got most of his body weight pressing you down onto the bed, his nose just barely brushing yours. “This might work a bit better.”

Then he’s kissing you again. You’ve already got the chills from the way his body is pressing tight against yours, but once the kiss deepens, Van’s tongue pressing into your mouth, you can’t help but shiver. Van feels it and must think you’re cold, because a second later his palm is rubbing over your arm like he’s trying to warm you up.

Any trace of chastity or awkwardness from the initial kiss has completely disappeared, revealing Van’s true talents as a kisser, and with every second that passes you feel him climbing up your makeout leaderboard. His mouth is absolutely incredible, and tastes like the glass of red wine he’s got sitting on the nightstand, and you can’t get enough, your hand instinctively coming to tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck. You don’t expect him to moan, the sound so satisfying your body reacts on it’s own, your back arching as much as it possibly can with him pressing you down. It only encourages Van, who exhales sharply out of his nose, the hot air brushing over your cheek, the kiss becoming more desperate.

You two separate to breathe, every inhale causing Van’s chest to brush against yours.

“Christ,” Van says quietly, and the way his voice is rough around the edges sends another shiver down your spine. He gets off of you, sitting up and reaching over for his glass of wine. You take the opportunity to sit up too, unclipping your bra and sending it over the edge of the bed. You cup your breasts in your hands, not yet ready for Van to see you exposed, but you work up some courage after a few moments, letting them go in favor of using your hands to shimmy out of your underwear. 

There’s the soft clink of Van setting his wine glass back down, and when you dare to glance over at him his expression is neutral, his eyes flitting over you.

“No fair,” You start, but have to stop to clear your throat. Van’s eyes dart up to meet yours, listening intently.

“I’m the only one naked,” You parrot his joke from earlier, and give him a nervous smile.

“Yeah,” Van’s long fingers come up to scratch at his jaw. “I guess that isn’t very fair.” Within a handful of seconds he’s chucked his briefs on the floor.

He changes position then so that he’s resting on his knees, and you hold your breath while you get a proper look at him for the first time. 

“Oh-” You start to speak, but you’ve got the common sense to swallow the rest of the sentence.

Van stills, waiting for you to finish.

“You’re… British,” You say sheepishly. 

Van chuckles, looking down at himself. “M’ uncut,” He voices your exact thoughts.

You gulp, nodding, hoping you didn’t ruin the moment.

“Same thing underneath,” Van murmurs, wrapping a hand around himself. With the slide of his wrist the foreskin moves back, revealing the flushed head of his dick. “See? Works just the same,” he quips cheerfully, looking up at you.

“Right.” You nod. “Good to know.”

The kissing resumes after you two lay down again and Van can’t keep his hands off of you, stroking at your sides and stomach and eventually your thighs.

“This alright?” He asks, pointedly brushing one of his knuckles against your inner thigh.

“Yeah, yeah” you choke out, spreading your legs so he’s got access to you.

The first press of his soft, tentative fingertips against you makes your eyes squeeze shut, but you can’t hold back your moan when he starts working in tight circles.

He teases his way lower and lower, the only sound in the room your harsh breathing and your heartbeat pounding in your ears. When he starts to feel his way inside, slowly and methodically easing in two fingers, your back arches up off of the mattress. 

“Van-” You breathe, and feel his stomach clench from hearing his name.

“You can just-” It’s hard to get the words out with the way he’s pumping. “You should stop,” You manage finally. “We can just get started.”

Van’s fingers still, and you blink your eyes open slowly, greeted to his face mere inches from yours, his hooded eyes watching you.

“Yeah, I…” You breathe out, your face burning in self consciousness at the thought of him watching your face throughout that. “I’m definitely ready.”

“If you’re sure,” Van says slowly, and you feel his fingers slide out of you, leaving an awful empty feeling in their wake.

“Definitely sure,” You tell him, eager to feel full again. “Do you want me to…” You trail off, but Van understands the unspoken rest of your sentence.

“Probably best if you don’t,” He laughs quietly. “It’ll be over before things even get started.”

You nod against the pillows in understanding, and Van rolls over, hanging off of the edge of the bed for a moment until he rights himself, leather wallet in hand.

You watch him procure a condom from one of the folds, and then he’s getting up on his knees, shuffling so he’s in between your legs before ripping the wrapper and sliding it on.

“You settled? You ready?” He asks you, one hand on himself, the other resting on your hip, warm and reassuring. 

“Yeah,” You tell him, nervously adjusting the way your knees are bent.

“Alright,” Van says quietly, and it sounds like it’s more meant for himself. There’s a few quiet moments and the sound of the duvet rustling before you feel the head of him press against you, warm and persistent, and your body adjusts for him instinctively, letting him inside.

It’s been a while since the last time you’ve had sex, but thankfully the warm mix of attraction and your drinks from earlier leave your body relaxed. Van looks like he feels the same, any tension in his face dissolving as he eases in, replaced instead by what looks like pure relief. You feel it too, sighing contentedly.

When Van’s done pressing in, the heady feeling making it hard to breathe, you two make eye contact, the spell that had you two so engrossed in yourselves broken. 

“Good?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Good,” You affirm. “Now get going.”

You say the last part with a smile that Van returns, and without further ado he starts trying to find the rhythm. He tests a few out while you shift your hips, attempting to find the perfect angle, and after a moment there’s a palpable feeling that you two have gotten it right, punctuated by Van’s sharp intake of breath.

The sound catches you off guard, in sync with another push in, and you gasp in surprise, one of your hands reaching out to grasp at the blankets. It only encourages Van to stay persistent in his thrusts, and you can’t help but groan.

“God,” You croak out. You release your death grip on the blankets, instead putting your hand on his back. You’re careful not to scratch him, but the feeling of him fucking you is amplified with the way you can feel his muscles strain under your hand. “Van,” You breathe.

You kept it quiet, the remnants of your usual self-consciousness still floating around in your head, but you can tell he’s heard.

“Ah, fuck,” Van moans, long and low, and your other hand comes up to grasp at him wherever it can reach as you feel the steady pulse of sparks down your spine.

Your hand lands on his shoulder blade, and it’s as if you’ve given Van some sort of unspoken permission. He leans forward, your lips meeting in a wet and clumsy kiss. It’s more panting in each other’s faces than it is actual making out, but your hand still slides from his shoulder to his jaw, taking care of guiding the kiss while he’s in his distracted state.

You can feel him starting to come apart, missing a beat with his hips every so often and letting out a whine when you take charge of deepening the kiss, tilting his jaw with slightly more force than necessary so you can lick into his parted lips. You’re getting close too, so you decide to let go of his face, instead slipping a hand between your bodies so you can start to rub at yourself.

Van’s head sinks down to your neck, kissing at any skin he can reach while you cry out at all the sensations your body’s trying to take in at once.

There’s a shift of Van’s body weight, his lips leaving your neck. You want to yell at him for taking his lips off of you but you’re too preoccupied with getting your fingers to match the pace he’s set, every moment in sync taking you closer to the edge.

Without any warning there’s the warm brush of the pad of his thumb against your nipple, and your whole body jolts with it.

You’re too distracted to moan but your jaw falls slack. That’s all the approval Van seems to need, starting a very light pace with his thumb, brushing over you back and forth.

“Is it good?” He asks quietly, lips brushing the shell of your ear.

You can hardly form a proper word with your mouth. “Huh?”

“This bit,” Van clarifies, and his thumb rubs your nipple more insistently. “Do you like that?”

“Yeah,” You manage, your eyes squeezing shut, closer than you thought. You can sense that Van understands the gravity of the moment, his movements all becoming very precise and impeccably consistent.

“Don’t stop,” You can’t help but beg.

“Won’t,” Van assures you quietly, and he holds true to his word, fucking into you and circling your nipple without fail as you feel your orgasm start to crash down upon you, squirming and calling out through the entire thing.

You lay there catching your breath when you’re done, Van free to set his own rhythm to get himself to the finish line. He speeds up, setting a frantic pace that you can hear as your skin slaps together with his. 

“What do you need?” You slur, removing your hand from yourself in favor of rubbing over his back again.

“Nothin’,” Van answers, his voice tight and slightly higher-pitched. “Nothin’.”

You stay quiet, leaving him to it, and after a few ragged breaths you can feel the way his whole body goes rigid, thrusting fast but shallow as he rides out his climax, burying his head in your shoulder and biting down hard.

You yelp in surprise from the pinch of his teeth, but let him stay there until he’s done, when he releases you with a long, content sigh.

There’s nothing said as you two catch your breath, your brain attempting and failing to find words for the experience.

“Shit,” Van sighs after your breathing has slowed.

“Holy shit,” You agree. You’ve been looking up at the ceiling, but you turn to look at him. The angry red indent from his teeth against your shoulder catches your peripheral vision, and you crane your neck more fully, examining the crooked lines of his teeth pressed into your skin.

“Sorry,” Van says. “I didn’t mean to hurt ya.”

It’s so refreshingly sincere, so different from the few other apologies you’ve received from men during sex, their smug faces usually indicating their value for their pleasure over yours. You actually laugh.

“Totally fine,” You tell him, and you mean it.

Van heaves himself up from where he’d flopped down, half on top of you and half on the bed, and carefully pulls out, the sensation of the heavy condom sliding out of you making you cringe. You watch his long fingers tie it off before he clamors off of the hotel bed on shaky legs, depositing it in the garbage by the coffee maker before nipping off to the bathroom.

“Ugh,” You sigh, starfishing out your limbs on the empty bed.

“Do you care if I don’t go back to my room right this second?” You ask Van as soon as he emerges from the bathroom.

“Whatever you wanna do,” Van shrugs. As he approaches his side of the bed he starts to tug the duvet down. “At least get under the sheets with me.”

You shimmy your way under the sheets, your body melting with the heavenly feeling.

“Mind if I shut the lamp off? It’s starting to give me a headache shining in my eyes.” He asks.

You dismiss his concerns with a wave of your hand. “Go ahead.”

With a click the room is shrouded in darkness, the only exception being the blue glow of Van’s phone.

You yawn. “What time is it?”

“Five.”

“Are you not tired?” You ask him around another yawn. “Even after your show and everything?”

His smile looks tired. “My body’s on a different time.”

“Oh.” You curl up under the covers. “I’ll go in a second, I promise. I’m just fucking exhausted. Unlike you.”

Van snorts in amusement, but you miss his facial expression, your heavy eyelids falling shut.

\\

You wake up to the echo of running water and the glow of the lamp painting your eyelids red.

You squirm, tugging the blanket around your head so you can peacefully return to sleep, but as you start to doze off the water abruptly stops, and you can hear the clatter of Van getting out of the shower.

Soon he comes out of the bathroom, singing softly under his breath as you hear the rip of different zippers through the air.

You kick your legs out, shuffling around sleepily. “What time is it?”

“Seven thirty. Sorry if I woke you. I was trying to let you get a couple hours of sleep in.”

“Did you sleep at all?” You ask him, concerned, as you peer over where he’s bent in front of a suitcase, hair dripping wet and a white hotel towel wrapped around his waist.

“I slept for a good hour,” He shrugs, before he’s gotten what he needs and heads back into the bathroom. “Probably steal a couple more on the bus.”

“Where are you headed next?” You can’t help but ask, raising your voice so he can hear you from the other room. 

“Got no idea, to be honest,” Van tells you. He stands in the bathroom doorway, in the process of running a brush through his hair. “That’s a good question for Steve, actually.”

“Our tour manager,” He’s quick to tack on after he notices your blank stare. “He keeps track of our schedule.”

“Oh.” It’s the only thing you can think to say.

“I guess I should get going,” You say awkwardly after a moment of silence. “I didn’t even mean to fall asleep, sorry. I haven’t stayed up that late in forever.”

Van seems to think that’s funny, giving a quick laugh as he goes for something else in his bag.

“God, my contacts are so dry,” You complain, rubbing at your eyelids in hopes of clearing the foggy film clinging to your vision. It doesn’t work, and you flop back down onto the hotel bed, sighing as you try to gather the willpower to get up and get your things.

“What shirt size do you wear?” Van asks.

You tell him, and after a moment feel a soft thud of something landing on the bed. You sit up to see a rumpled lump of fabric.

“One of our shirts,” Van explains. 

You grab the gift, holding it up to examine it. “Um… What is it?”

Van lets out a belly laugh at that. “It’s our next album cover.”

“Oh, alright. Thanks,” You tell him, sliding it on immediately. It feels weird to still be naked, and you’re grateful you don’t have to get into the tight top you were wearing last night.

You go through the process of retrieving all your scattered clothes from the night before, made less awkward by the fact Van is preoccupied with getting himself ready. You cram your bra and top into your purse before shimmying back into your skintight jeans and getting your shoes on.

You do a quick once-over, making sure you’ve grabbed everything as Van pulls a fresh button up over his shoulders.

“You, uh,” He starts hesitantly. When you look over, he wipes underneath one of his eyes with the tip of his finger. “You look like you’ve got a black eye.”

You realize in that moment you’d rubbed at your contacts while you were still wearing makeup. “Oh, fuck,” you groan, heading into the bathroom and trying to clean up the mess. “Thanks for letting me know. Mary probably would’ve been worried.”

“Wouldn’t want Theo catching me in the lobby,” Van jokes, and you two laugh for longer than what was probably warranted.

“I was wonderin’, before you go, if I could get your number. For those tickets the next time we’re playing in L.A..”

“Oh, definitely,” You say, extra enthusiastic to assure him of your interest.

There’s a knock at the door, and you hear Van answer it, talking to someone for a moment.

“Got interrupted for a second,” Van tells you, and when you come into the room you see he’s loading his luggage onto a bellman cart. “But perfect. Lemme grab my phone.”

He retrieves his phone off of the bed, typing into it for a moment before he offers you a screen to enter your contact information.

“And y’know, the next time I’m staying in L.A. I’d love to have dinner.”

He says it so casually, no trace of nerves even as the question hangs in silence.

“Me too,” You offer him a smile as you hand his phone back, a satisfied look spreading over his face. “I’d love that.”

“It’s settled, then,” Van punctuates the deal with a nod, walking you to the room’s door and undoing the deadbolt for you.

“Alright. Well, see ya?” You offer as a goodbye, internally cringing.

“See ya,” Van echoes, swinging open the heavy wooden door for you. “Hopefully sooner rather than later.”

With that you step out into the hallway, Van shutting the door softly behind you. You hadn’t realized how awake the outside world was while you were safely cocooned in Van’s quiet room; There are a few doors open, the smell of hotel room service wafting around. There’s a luggage cart supporting a mismatched stack of suitcases that’s haphazardly rolled so it’s blocking a doorway, and you startle when the door behind the cart swings open. 

There’s a deer-caught-in-headlights moment between you and the man in the room, before he examines the obstacle.

“Jesus Christ, Bond,” The man groans, struggling to roll the cart out of his way. “It’s too early for this!”

You hear a deep chuckle come from one of the open doorways, before a man in a newscap sticks his head out into the hall. “C’mon, Blakes, food’s here! I got you your ice cold oatmeal and raw eggs in a cup, just as requested.”

The man in the hat notices you standing here, and you watch the way his eyes latch onto the t-shirt Van’s given you. But he’s gone just as soon as he appeared, and you head for the elevators despite the nagging feeling you should’ve helped the guy that was barricaded.

Once you’re on the elevator, you realize with a start that you’d just unknowingly met two of Van’s bandmates. 

\\

As quiet as you try to be, of course Mary wakes up as soon as you slip into your shared room.

“How did it go?” She stage whispers, and you notice Theo’s still asleep.

“It was…” You take a deep breath. You knew these questions were coming, and had tried to properly prepare for them, but you still couldn’t comprehend last night.

“Incredible,” You eventually settle on.

Mary’s face lights up at that. “What’d you guys do?”

You chew on the inside of your cheek, trying to hide your smile.

“Did you fuck him?” She asks. “Please tell me you fucked him.”

As hard as you try to conceal it, your smile widens.

Mary gasps. “You did, didn’t you?”

When you nod, Mary leaps off of her and Theo’s bed, sitting cross legged in her sleep shirt on yours. 

“Tell me everything!” She begs.

“Hold on,” You shush her. “Let me get out of these damn jeans. And take my contacts out.”

“I can’t believe it,” Mary muses to herself as you peel the denim back off of your skin. “I can’t believe you’ve finally had your first one night stand.”

“Me either,” You admit, screwing the lid on your contact case closed.

“How was he?”

“Amazing. So nice,” You gush, sitting down on the bed with her. “It’s like, no matter how awkward I was, he just thought it was funny! It was the weirdest thing ever!”

You recount most of last night’s details back to Mary, making sure to include the part where you almost fell over, awkwardly called out the fact he was uncircumcised, and almost left his room with racoon eyes before meeting two of his bandmates in the strangest circumstance. You talk until your throat is dry and you’re exhausted, climbing under the covers to resume the peaceful sleep you’d been in the process of getting in Van’s bed.

\\

The next day you get a text from a phone number you don’t recognize while you’re out shopping.

Happy birthday. Van x

Thank you, you send back, but there’s no reply.

\\

Read Chapter 2 here

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 17: Orphan Black 1x10

Sleepy! Can’t believe I’ve finished the first season of Orphan Black. I feel like it went by really fast.

This ep had so much going on it that I actually feel like it’s all a wash.

It’s hilarious how fast Paul was just shunted to the side lol. Like they didn’t really have anything for him to do so they just abruptly had him return to Neolution and then had Sarah just as abruptly drop him. All those soft little moments didn’t mean much I guess! And good riddance. Teeing up S2 for Cal.

If only we could do the same with Delphine. Again, I feel like just as suddenly as Paul ceased to be useful and was moved to the edge of the narrative, she was forgiven and brought back into the fold specifically because she was useful: a science nerd for Cosima to talk to. She never really proved she was trustworthy or earned Cosima’s forgiveness in any way. Coming in with the breaking newsflash that Leekie isn’t trustworthy? And we’re all just supposed to forget that she was (IS???) his girlfriend? (Except Cosima, who never knew that?) Idk, I wish she’d stayed a villain. This poor little “woe is me, I’m the worst fake-lesbian plant in the world, I never meant to be mean, I am naive and know nothing!” routine is just really fake and also, you know what, annoying.

I totally forgot all of the stuff with Helena and Amelia... I don’t even know what to say about that. Funny how this ep is the origin of “sestra” and “meathead.” Forgot about that. Also forgot that Sarah appears to kill Helena. In one way, I could see her being a one-season adversary, but not the way they developed her in the last eps of the season--there was clearly more story there. So it’s not surprising she survived.

I’ve been waiting for this Aynsley scene all season lol. My mom forgot about it entirely! Whereas I think about it every time I see the switch to my own garbage disposal. Tbh even though it’s such an over the top event/scene, and arguably pushes the suburban satire thing too far, into unbelievable territory, I still couldn’t help thinking “Iconic. Classic Alison” the whole time. Also I mean did Aynsley not deserve it a little? For trying to dispose of Alison’s yarn angel and then calling her barren? Was not the real culprit the designer of the house who put the disposal switch so far away from the actual disposal? Alison did nothing wrong here.

All the twists and turns with Donnie!

I love Leekie as a villain because he absolutely is villainous, but he has a certain charisma, and he is so good at finding out just what buttons to push on which people, including all the clones. I think he was the most charismatic of the various villains, and way more entertaining than, say, Rachel, who is already set to outpace him.

I remember being supremely disappointed by the “big reveal” of the patent in the genetic code, and the importance placed on the contracts and on Alison signing hers. Maybe it’s because I was in law school when I first saw this but like... first off those contracts are unenforceable and second, those patents are even MORE unenforceable. The at-the-time open question of whether genetic material can be patented at all would need to be litigated--which Neolution would never do because then they’d have to reveal their project. And if they did decide to bring it to court anyway, they would certainly lose because literally NO judge is ever going to look at fully formed adult humans and say “you’re property.” Also, patents are not eternal. They expire. The clones are nearly 30. Those patents, even if somehow considered legitimate (they are not), would have expired ages early. ANDDDDDD, finally, you can’t just secretly patent things. This isn’t copyright, which exists in any work at the moment it’s created. Patents have to be applied for. You can’t just write down “I have a patent” on a piece of paper and put it in a cupboard and you have a patent lmao.

I was a little more forgiving of the patent and contract(s) this time because I think another fair reading is to treat them as narrative symbols or, within the universe itself, as indicators of intent. The clones were on the verge of trusting Leekie, and Cosima’s discovery shows that nothing he says is trustworthy because HE VIEWS THEM as property, even if he could never enforce that belief. The patent is a harbinger of Leekie and Neolution’s future moves. They can’t be trusted to abide by the promises in the contracts because they don’t think they’re talking to equals; they think they’re humoring their own playthings. In that sense, it’s an important revelation. And similarly, the contracts, and especially Alison signing hers, are symbols of the clones’ relationship(s) with Leekie. He offers each of them a deal, and one of the (many) questions of the finale is, will they take it or not? Alison signing the contract is just a shorthand way of saying she did.

Also, I can understand how hearing that someone TRIED to patent them would be upsetting, even if it’s not actually possible.

But to the extent that the episode tries to paint these developments and discoveries as like objectively important or scandalous, I think the finale is a bit of a let down. I mean overall, there are 1000 things happening and it’s an impressive juggling act to get everything in there at once, but as the BIG reveal, the BIG game changer, it... leaves something to be desired.

[lvnatiq]

Cheers to the mess pt.1 |

Nicky Valentino x Reader

a/n: Hello, my love. So this was based on the idea of Jealous!Nicky Valentino. Let me know if you have any suggestions or questions about anything concerning my writing or Nicholas Valentino because my heart, soul and ass belongs to him truly. By the way, I proofread for the first time so make a wish while you’re at it lmao.

-Italic phrases in quotation marks are indicating readers inner monologue, meanwhile, words in italic are used to emphasize the meaning of the word itself-

warnings: usage of inappropriate language, slight angst.

The night is still young, the speakeasy is filled with the late-night conversations of people with humorous expressions and the delightful sound of the jazz music. You, on the other hand, curiously explored your surroundings as the sweet and sour taste of your booze lingered on the tip of your tongue. You asked Ralph to let you have some time with yourself while you were waiting for Nicky to come. You two spoke on the phone, arranging your rendez-vous, approximately two hours ago. Now, there you were sitting at a casual table in the speakeasy for an hour waiting for your sweetheart. Worried that something might've happened to him.

"Where is he? I hope the meeting didn't take a turn for the worst."

You thought to yourself as you tapped your fingers against the wooden material of the table, letting your anxiety get the best of you. Your eyes focused on the entrance gate of the speakeasy, wishing for him to stroll in at that moment. Today seemed like it wasn't your lucky day as your wishes are not being granted. The feeling of loneliness soon turned to utter boredom. The more bored you got, the more attractive the thought of losing yourself at the bar became.

"If I am about to let my stress romance it's way into giving me a nervous breakdown, at least I should get it a nice drink. It would be rude of me not to."

Your desire for a Manhattan led you to take a couple of steps towards the bar. Settling down on the stool, you slowly took off your gloves. The feeling of warmth left your fingertips, the cold surface of the glass table taking its place. The bartender took his shaker as he made his way towards your spot. You opened your mouth, eager to spill the magical name of your remedy.

"A Manhattan-"

"A Singapore Sling for the lady."

Your words were cut short by the silhouette of a stranger located behind your stool. This moment felt too familiar for your liking, almost like a Deja Vu. You slowly turned your head towards the unknown figure as they casually sat down beside you.

"Very rude of me to not introduce myself."

He said, extending his hand in your direction. The bartender's eyes followed the young man's gesture, holding an unreadable expression. You could feel the unusual tension in the air, nevertheless, you remained unbothered. Looking at his hand and then meeting his gaze, you extended your hand for a handshake. Your attempt went unnoticed as he gently turned your hand placing his lips on top of it.

"Matteo Bianchi."

The moment Matteo said his name, the bartender dropped his shaker, practically spilling whatever was inside of it. Shaken by the sound you averted your gaze to the bartender. His hands were shaking, hurriedly trying to clean up the mess he created. He glanced at you, his eyes had panic written all over them as if he was trying to tell you to be cautious, making you even more curious.

Unaffected by his gesture you slowly pulled your hand back as you directed your gaze back to the drink menu.

"Pleasure to meet you, Matteo."

You said, paying him no attention what so ever. Matteo laughed under his breath as he studied your figure. Your drink came into sight, you were still upset at not having your Manhattan.

"Where are you, Nicholas ?"

"I'm impressed that I managed to choose a drink that suited your aura well, miss...?"

You didn't want to give him your name but the reaction that the bartender gave at his name made you reevaluate your choices. Not wanting to cause trouble to anyone including yourself you took a sip from your drink as you responded.

"(y/n)."

You paused as you turned to him, letting your curiosity do the talking.

"How come this drink suits my aura well, Mr. Bianchi ?"

He smiled as he lifted his drink pointing it at your way.

"You seem like a bittersweet woman. Just like the drink."

You laughed, entertained by his way of using words, you decided to let yourself loose by following his game. Observing his looks for the first time, you realized that he was quite charming. His face reminded you of Paul Newman.

You let your thoughts wander as two women with enchanting appearances passed by greeting Matteo with flirtatious looks, giving you a death stare on the side.

"Alright, you seem pretty involved with bittersweet women."

Matteo laughed throwing his head back.

"Enough about bittersweet women-"

"Oh, so you want me out of here? Because I'll make it happen."

Your attempts at escaping failed as he caught you by your waist. Making you feel inevitably uncomfortable.

"Matteo, please-"

"Hands off."

The voice of the man you craved for the entire day has finally appeared. Nicky's harsh tone made Matteo take a step back. Then Matteo opened his arms wide, followed by his sarcastic tone.

"Man of the hour, Nicholas Valentino to whom do I owe the pleasure?"

Nicky placed his hand at the small of your back as he pulled you closer to him. His grip on you was tight, making you feel safer than before.

"I thought that we were supposed to meet next week."

Nicky said his eyes burning through Matteo's skull, filled with enough rage to kill him right on the spot.

"I need to settle it now, I have a meeting with Romano tomorrow. You don't want him to get the deal do you?"

Matteo said unconcernedly. You could hear Nicky curse under his breath. You placed your hand on his giving it a squeeze, trying to reassure him.

"Alright then, let's get this over with."

Nicky let his hand loose as he started to walk to the booth alongside Matteo. Appalled by his behavior, you started to follow their steps. They sat down and you moved to sit beside Nicky. Noticing that you followed them Nicky turned to you lowering himself as he whispered in your ear.

"Toots, would you mind giving us some space while you treat yourself at the bar?"

You looked at him, getting angrier each second passing by. Being kept in the dark wasn't something that you fancied.

"Excuse me? Are we really doing this again Nicky?" You said, your tone exposing your frustration. Your mind brings up memories of your first time in this speakeasy, where Nicky left you stranded because of business. But now you are a part of the Valentino family, so what was the problem.

His expression softens as he takes in a deep breath. You tried your best to understand what made him so uptight.

"You two... are you together?"

Matteo's voice made you snap out of your thoughts as you turned to Nicky, who was definitely not in a good state of mind seeing that he froze.

"Nicholas-"

"We're not together."

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. The waves of shock washed over you as you dropped your gaze on your hands. The thought of leaving right now seemed like a good idea but something inside of you was telling you to dig this situation deeper. This wasn't Nicky, you had to find out what was disturbing him so profoundly.

"Still that doesn't explain your overprotective response, Nicholas. Nonetheless, I am glad if Venus is single by any means."

"Let's get this venture over with, shall we Matteo?"

You wouldn't be lying if you said that this was the first time you saw Nicky this aggressive. He looked like he was so close to shot Matteo dead. You didn't say a word throughout their conversation. Patiently waiting for Nicky's breaking point.

The business they fussed about didn't seem skeptical at all. It was the usual, large amounts of illegal cash transactions and exchanging men for personal protection. Still, your questions remained unanswered. So you decided to follow up with plan B.

"If that's all, it's time for us to leave. Buona serata, Matteo."

Nicky said as he stood up. You, on the other hand, remained unruffled as you grasped your glass tightly completely ignoring him.

"So, Mr. Bianchi, you and Nicky seem to have a history. Do you two go way back? Based on something other than business-related, of course."

Upon hearing your voice Nicky slowly sat back. Taking in a deep breath, he averted his eyes to the bar. Trying to avoid Matteo's gaze.

"Oh, he didn't tell you?"

"No, he did not."

Matteo let out a breathy laugh as he took a cigar out of the silver case placed in front of him. Nicky's hand sneaked up on top of yours under the table, holding it firmly. You intertwined your fingers with his.

"Have you ever heard of The Count of Monte Cristo, (y/n)?"

"Alexandre Dumas, how can I not? One of my favorite novels."

"You become even more interesting by the second, my dear."

Nicky started to pull on his collar to get it loose. His grip on your hand gets even tighter. You can feel the distress radiating over him but you had no choice, he wasn't planning on opening up to you when he should've.

"Our situation is similar to Dantès, Mondego, and Mercédès love triangle. Nicky thinks that I am the Mondego of our scenario."

Finally, it sinks in. Still searching for more clarity you ask,

"You betrayed him, by stealing his lover--"

"Aha! That's the part I am trying to justify for the past five years. I didn't steal her- Minchia! I didn't know that she and Nicky had a thing. I mean she ran after him for quite some time but Nicholas didn't give a shit. How could I know?"

"Matteo cut the bullshit."

Nicky said, eventually joining to your conversation. You most definitely understood the situation at last. At this point it wasn't important whether or not if Matteo was right or wrong, Nicky was insecure at the fact that there might be a possibility of such a thing happening. He couldn't take risks when it comes to you, so he just acted like you meant nothing to him as if that would make Matteo uninterested.

Now that your worries came to an end, your only interest was to get Nicky all riled up.

"I think I heard enough."

Both of them stopped their bickering, turning their appalled gaze towards your direction.

"It looks like we are dragging out our dirty laundries. Well then, let me do my part."

Your devilish smirk took over as your playful aura filled the air.

"So, there is this guy, or more like this utterly, unbelievably handsome fella that makes my heart flutter."

"Oh? Tell me more Venus."

You focused your gaze on Matteo, eyeing him from head to toe. Knowing damn well that Nicky was watching your every move.

"He is compassionate, determined, enthusiastic, fearless, hard-working, kind, loyal, and everything that only a real man can be."

"Gesù Cristo! Who is this man? Are you sure that he isn't just a piece of your beautiful imagination?"

You laughed at Matteo's words. You were savoring every second of this mess, meanwhile, Nicky was chugging his whiskey on rocks.

"I would say that he is a gift from the gods, but unfortunately he is lacking something very important."

"He must've stolen the devil's dime. What does such a man lack that made you back up?"

You looked at the pair of hazel eyes intently watching you. You took a couple of seconds, staring adoringly into his beautiful eyes. You caught yourself getting lost in the honey hue of them. His feelings dripping from his glance, telling a story that only his eyes could tell.

"He is not honest."

You said without separating your eyes from Nicky's. Matteo raised his eyebrows, looking at Nicky and then back at you.

"Do I know this fella?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I like my men bare, in various ways."

Nicky laughed under his breath, placing his hand on top of your thigh.

"Oh my, do you?"

You grasped his tie pulling him to yourself, your lips almost touching his.

"You have no idea-"

Matteo cleared his throat,

"I should get going, you wouldn't want your girl falling for me. I know that my charming nature could cause trouble for a lot of people."

He said as he gave you a wink,

"Get lost Matteo."

Nicky hissed as Matteo approached you taking your hand in his giving it a goodbye kiss.

"Pleasure to meet you, (y/n). I hope that one day you can introduce me to the guy that got you head over heels."

He said jokingly as he turned to leave. Nicky slowly leaned in to kiss you but you stopped him midway.

"I don't kiss random men that have nothing to do with me, Mr. Valentino."

He gave you a smirk that summarized his plans for tonight.

"I might have nothing to do with you, but I certainly have a lot to do to you toots."

You took the last sip from your now empty glass and lifted it in the air.

"Cheers to the mess, my darling."

Vocabulary:

Minchia: in this context used as fuck, as exclamation of surprise.

Gesù Cristo!: Jesus christ!

Buona serata: “have a good evening”

[virareve]

Jaime x Brienne Fic Exchange Recommendations

The time to cram has come! T-minus 12 or so hours until the author reveals so I thought I’d make a little plug for some stories I enjoyed that came out of the @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange

First off, I am VERY behind on reading the collection. I received a concussion around the time that the fics came out so my reading has been limited first by the light sensitivity, then the work catch-up in week 2 ( I had to take off work due to the concussion), and now me on short weekend vacation (yay!). I’ve perhaps touched thirty fics at this point (I still have to get to my gift fic which was posted today :D ) so this is by no means a whole evaluation of what’s been put out. The whole collection has been extremely high quality and I hope to come back later and post some more recs. I thank the mods for taking the time to wrangle with keeping this so organized. It’s been a blast.

Modern AU:

Man With a Heartbeat  You’ve likely seen this story come up in recs a million times but it’s Just. That. Good. With a unique writing style, and a cast of characters that includes some cameos by some personal book faves (minor as they are), this one is sure to sweep you off your feet with it’s very different take. I mean...antique dealers? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fanfic touch on this before and I was 100% here for this. Also Brienne was highly relatable lol.  Lesson Learned: ALWAYS plan your proposals or at least make sure the desire for marriage is clearly communicated and understood between both parties. #rip

To a Distant Stranger Jaime is super hot rocker who runs into Brienne again and again and again, despite her attempts to create distance between them after their implied (crazy off the charts, soul-mate inducing chemistry) hook-ups. Eventually he drops his rocker life and takes up as a bartender and true lurvvvveeee blossoms. :D  Lesson Learned: No bartender experience is needed when the course of true love doesn’t run smooth.

all these people think love’s for show (but I would die for you in secret) The author wouldn’t know this but the majority of my first bookmarked fics on AO3 were spy AUs. This sexy piece hit a very weak point for me since spies and schmexyness makes me go weak in the knees. (Also this title is prob my fave line from my fave TS song, did Author have to go so hard at me like that? It was a double whammy T.T) Jaime and Brienne are BRIMMING with sexual tension and from the first meeting I was already sitting on the edge of my seating thinking “Now kiss!” The author makes it worth it with some very bonding, emotional adventures that make the payoff feel so worth it. 

if one thing had been different (would everything be different?) I just adore the premise that Jaime is Brienne’s landlord here. Lots of sexiness going on and feels where Jaime’s been nursing a crush for one LONG hot minute (read: several years) on B and our girl is sure he’s been bullying her FOREVER (tbr Jaime’s flirting isn’t as clear cut as the boy would like to believe)

Just as Sweet (just as thorny)  OOOHHH this had me feeling many things because I just wanted Jaime and Brienne to be in love but man, many feelings having to be sorted out since Jaime and Brienne met and developed feelings under the cover of Jaime’s fake persona. Selwyn Tarth also makes a fun cameo that helps Jaime’s chance at making it with his girl and Brienne’s life at the end of the story is on the up and up (romantic relationship aside. Did I mentioned I love spy AUs? This read is a MUST.

My Best Friend’s Wedding Brienne hires a professional party date who is (of course) our man JamLan. I have a huge weakness for fake relationships so this just knocked me down after all the spy AUs I read from the exchange. It’s all the parts you love about the movie The Wedding Date and more. The fic also gave me a lot of feelings about one of my favorite places in the world Mackinac island which I was delighted to find out in the AN actually served as a source of inspiration for this fic. :D

Backpfeifengesicht I know you’ve seen this recc-ed before so I’m going to say that what everyone says is accurate. It’s funny, it’s sexy and the friendships are top notch. I’m personally rather proud that I posited a question about the type of table mentioned in this fic and sparking a discussion that descended into who the author might be based on height of various authors around the fandom. Yes, I will take credit for that madness XD 

The Knight and the Thief Cat Burglar AU. There’s a bunch of sneaking around here that hit’s me the same way as it does with Spy AUs. Of course Jaime wins the day with his biggest steal yet, one sapphire-eyed wench. 

The One That Got Away Jaime and Brienne meet in College after knowing each other in high school. Reading Jaime try and fail to convince Brienne of his affection was a humorous trial and half. Favorite line in this fic: “You’re not just the one that got away. You’re the one. Period.” A very swoon worthy story that builds up perfectly. 100% worth the read!

Jaime, Brienne, and the Bachelor Party on Wheels Having attended uni in a college town where partying was the main event, seeing these bicycle drinking carts was a common occurrence and I knew as soon as I saw the title, this fic was going to be a must read for me. Jaime and Ygritte as good friends was the friendship I didn’t know I needed and I am totally taking notes now to put it in fic at some point. There’s a lot of rowing references I wasn’t familiar with but all the innuendos were very clear in their intentions. ;)

Book Canon AU:

A Matter of Honor Oh man this one is sexy as hell. This fic delves into ‘what if the Tarth’s were the wealthy noble house with royal favor and the Lannisters were the disrupted, down-on-their-luck Lords Paramount?’ A lot of fun is involved in this battle of wills, whether it’s Brienne, deciding to stick by her vow to marry despite her reservations about her husband-to-be,  Selwyn Tarth, trying to convince to break her betrothal, or Jaime, trying to decide if maybe he actually is into his potential new wife. There is so much fun and sexiness here that I couldn’t get enough. I may have also read this three times...XD

A Wench’s Kiss Have I ever mentioned how much I love a clearly communicated  sex scene where both parties involved know each other’s needs? Well you do now! While the roles here are clearly defined as to who is who in this Dom&Sub role-play dynamic, it is very clear that every action done is done as communicated by the partners preferences and needs. 

Other AU

Brienne Tarth and the Quest for the Lost Swords  Brienne is Indiana Jones and Jaime is the Nazi lady from movie three with a better heart and better intentions (in the end). Fortunately, the end for these two is much better then it was for Indy and his doomed lady love (Jk I was always team Marion but stillll).