#detached and disconnected
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I’m taking a short break from tumblr. I need some time off the internet and some breathing room while I get my head sorted.
#helena rants#I love this place but I feel pretty disconnected from it right now#like no one wants me around which is ridiculous I know but my head is dumb#detached and disconnected#i’ll be back soon#i promise#love you all
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I only block someone after I've exhausted every other option.
#futurism#science fiction#cyberpunk#transhumanism#artificial intelligence#art#love#cyborg#sci fi#philosophy#self discovery#disconnected#self respect#preservation#breaking free#detachment
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda

#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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Harry/Luna is the ultimate form of two people loving the very essence of each other and i need to see them royal-style ASAP DROP THE MOODBOARD FR IM ON MY KNEES MY BABIES























#for you...#i hope they make sense through this#i always explain it like ->#at a certain stage two ways of being detached from humanity meet in the middle#disconnect from life is a circle and they are running into each other#one through dreams one through death#its completely nonsensical i hope someone else catches on#luna/harry
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Today I realized I've been deeply unhappy for a while and the reason I struggle to form attachments is because I struggle to believe that anyone actually wants me around or actually cares about me as a person or that I could be worth getting to know.
And while like. It's somewhat of a "well DUH" moment, it'd been so long since I'd actually let myself feel through any kind of self reflection like that, that I was actually kind of taken aback.
Every time I think I'm over some shit, I find out that I'm still not done with the roots that're deep in me.
#Captain Speaking#the fear of abandonment and thus the fear of attachment is honestly my biggest one#and then once i DO attach i overattach because my attachment style is very anxious and then can swap to something much more detached aaaaan#anyway#much to think about#be more aware of#i'm super just ...disconnected altogether right now#like i cant actually get into my own mind#mental health shit
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I mean she is modular...
#Aevi-art#oc: Aeviarth#dragon#dragonsona#scalie#furry#art#oc#pixel art#dragon art#dragon oc#furry art#furry oc#modular#modular furry#headless#detached head#disconnected head#dismembered head#holding head
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(random) ngl before i started learning korean i felt like the worst failure of a korean but now i feel like the best failure of a korean (/j) HAHA
like im struggling to speak but least im speaking..!! I feel like I've restored an essential piece of myself that was missing...
#i tweeted this but im prob gonna delete it soon so#puts it here too in case ppl can relate...? lol#since i know its a common immigrant kid experience...#being disconnected from your heritage language i mean#for various reasons...#i thought i was ok w it but its rly a horrible feeling#like i said it felt like smth was missing#and i kinda jokingly self deprecatingly worded it as the best failure of a korean#but thats kind of... accurate fmfbnf like i feel embarrassed that im not fluent and feel like im a baby flailing my arms#but i still feel like even if im imperfect im more... complete#that isnt to say i was incomplete before... or anyone in the same situation is. but its still an exuberant feeling#and helps me get over feeling embarrassed that i suck at kr so bad. like AT LEAST I CAN COMMUNICATE NOW!!!#talk tag#laughing to myself rmbring that me and prob 1000s of other asian americans prob wrote an essay abt being detached from our culture for#our college/scholarship/etc essays#well i didnt know i was lgbt then i had to write abt smth!! and it was eating me up all the time...#i rly hope i can improve my kr more in the coming yrs
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… (not a negative vent or anything, just kinda musing lol)
okay. i am very comfortable in the fact that i am ace. like there is no doubt about it in my mind thats just how i am and how i will always be
but!
sometimes i wish i wasn’t. just so that i could understand all my allosexual friends.
and fic and fandom and shit. like i see all the thirsting and the smut and like, yeah, it’s fun, but i don’t actually ✨get it✨
i have never once in my life looked at any person and been like “i need them to fuck me��. i see someone i think is attractive and the raunchiest thing that goes through my head is “i want to know what they feel like”. like i genuinely cannot fathom wanting more than kisses and cuddles. and sometimes i feel a little left out? because i cannot relate to the desire to have sex with someone. but it’s also very hard to explain experiencing physical attraction without sexual attraction. i know everyone i’ve tried to explain it to doesn’t get it. unless they are also ace
idk. i just want to get it for once. i want to understand what it feels like to want someone carnally. out of pure curiosity. i don’t like not knowing things. and like sure, it probably feels the same as what i experience, just in a different context. but still!! i want to know what it’s like!!
what is it like to fantasize about pleasuring someone else? or having them pleasure you? idk idk idk am i even making sense? it’s late. I’m very tired. but i just. i’m so curious
#ramble on exie#idk how to tag this#it’s genuinely just plain old curiosity#because i have this really weird disconnect with my mind and body#so it’s very confusing to engage with media and such and my body will react but my mind is detached? if that makes sense#like obviously you can’t stop an autonomic biological response#but it feels very strange when your brain is like ‘this does nothing for me’#and i do hate when people insist it’s because i just haven’t met the right person#but like i have literally only had the desire once in my entire life and never again even with that person#and i was also sloshed so like. not a reliable sample#idk. it’s all just very strange to me. so foreign#there’s just. no lust here. no desire. and sometimes that makes me sad?#i think i just need to see more normalization of asexuality and more ace rep in things#because it would make me feel like less of an outsider
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is anyone else left feeling the consequences of living longer than they were supposed to?
#deity dialogue#I’m haunting my own life :(#idk what to do about it I don’t think there is anything I can do#I wasn’t supposed to life this long I was meant to die years ago but I didn’t and now here I am#live*#what do I do???#i never planned to live this long I was always told that my future didn’t matter because I wouldn’t be here this long but now I am and I jus#don’t know what to do#I feel like there is nothing for me in this life but I can pass on because I’m not dead#I feel very detached and disconnected from life
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Feeling disconnected today.
#Not really sure if It's because of the stuff I received last night by my ex or what but today I'm feeling detached from everything.#Well except my f/o really but even then I got this weird feeling inside me like....do I even matter at all?#It's hard to describe what exactly it is I'm feeling.#I'm here but I'm not. I'm here but disconnected. I'm here but outside of myself.#It's odd to say the least#vent.tw
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Disconnection, detachment, dissociation
Everything there is, was
I don’t know anymore
It’s like being lead through a forest,
It’s like having a guarded Hand in hand
It’s like witnessing the glistening and warm night stars
It’s like turning a corner and ending up in the middle of the desert
It’s cold here, dusk at a constant forever
It’s being lost in your own home
It’s losing the fracture you thought you had bandaged
It’s like freezing with nothing but a damp towel for any semblance of comfort
Always ends the same way.
In some weird way, I feel more connected than I ever have
Connected, attached and yet I’ve never been more frozen outside of my body,
A witness to this decaying, tarnished corpse.
#DISCONNECTION DETACHMENT DISSOCIATION#journaling though poetry#poetry#original poem#spilled ink#queer#red’s poems#angst poetry#dissociation#slight vent#I have no more words to give you
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Also I know I said I was taking a break from Tumblr still and I am but... doodle
I've been trying to like revamp old OCs of mine that I had for like ever. This one is named Ezer (mushrooooooooom) and he's a sweetie but probably could hand your ass to you if he wanted to... He probably won't though.
#The few moments of clarity I have I've been spending on drawing or rewriting my OCs stories/infomation to like#Help me re-remember what their stories are and shit#Keep my mind constantly occupied and busy with whatever really helps me to like#Not disconnect and feel like I'm slipping away#Makes me present? And not feeling like I'm detached from reality or something#Trying to explain this shit just makes me sound crazy but I swear I'm not#DOODLES $ Haven't shown my heart since yesterday
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I feel so empty, disconnected, apathetic and detached.
So distant from everything.
I can't see the lines anymore
What's real?
#i feel empty#shitpost#shitposting#cringe#venting#disconnected#distant#detached#apathy#apathetic#cold
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i have a secret to tell everyone...
my bsd self insert's ability is just hawk's from MHA but a little modified so it can be deactivated...
#and with added limitations#feathers take a bit longer to regrow#it gets overstimulating to sense the vibrations of too many feathers if they're out spying#causes migraines and brain fog if using them too spy#also a little cheat that if feathers are detached they wont disappear if the ability isnt activated#and another cheat that Dazai's ability doesn't affect detatched feathers if the ability isnt activated#ie: if dazai touches while the wings are out the rest disappear#if the wings arent out then the disconnected feather dont disappeared but the “connection” is paused#they just become normal feathers#and the wings kind of act like an amplifier to hear the vibrations so if they're out its clearer; if theyre not its a little like tv static
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yakuza: dead souls - american vibes, bigass guns, and why zombies are super weird to have in ryu ga gotoku thematically/ideologically speaking
so i've been playing dead souls recently (hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah) and although i'm having the time of my life with it, there was something about it that kinda felt off to me, and i think i've figured out what it was, but i'm gonna have to walk you through a bit of my thought process to get there.
my first instinct was that it felt... american? and upon further examination i think that boils down to a couple of things:
everyone suddenly has lots of guns and also way way bigger guns
high emphasis on individual heroism (this itself is quite typical for rgg, but it manifests differently here; more on that in a bit)
military/government incompetence, which must be solved by the right individuals having the biggest and bestest guns
[for the sake of transparency i will note that my experience with zombie media is pretty limited and skews american (and i myself am american), so that may create bias. however, the 'this feels american to me' instinct is a rare one for me even in genres where i have seen little/no non-american media, so i think the fact that it did occur to me is notable. what about dead souls triggered that response when little else has? that's why i examined it and, truthfully, i think there's merit in the idea itself.]
the first point is pretty self-explanatory. america's got more guns than it does people, and its gun worship is infamous. japan's ban on guns (aided by its being an island state) means there's far fewer guns in the country, as well as far fewer people with guns (and likely far fewer guns per gun owner, excepting arms dealers/smugglers) than somewhere without such a ban. obviously, there are guns anyway. due to their illegality they are clustered within the criminal population, which explains their presence within organized crime within the series. very few guns will be sitting around in the homes of otherwise law-abiding citizens.
and yet, when the zombie outbreak hits kamurocho, plenty of civilians suddenly have access to quite an arsenal. everyone has the knowledge they need to aim, fire, and reload smoothly and quickly; ammo is infinite for certain guns. characters we've never seen using firearms before suddenly have shotguns under their couches (looking at you, majima). it's not only very different from reality, it's very different from guns' place within the series up until this point, when they were limited weapons used primarily by the enemy.
and they're making a zombie shooter, so of course they would have to do this. it has to be unrealistic to be simultaneously in this setting and in this genre, in the same way that yakuza solving their problems with bareback fistfights instead of guns is itself both unrealistic and necessary to being the kinds of games rgg are.
my point is that this is a kind of focus on and valorization of gun ownership and competency unusual for the series and setting. further, it serves as an argument for why an armed, competent populace is crucial typical in american media.
which brings us to the third point (we'll get to 2 in a minute). guns are often marketed as self-defense weapons. the implication is that the government's defense of the individual (via law enforcement or the military, but particularly the former), are insufficient. this is objectively true. if someone pulls a gun on you at the gas station, will a cop manifest out of thin air to intercede? no. that's impossible. but if you have a gun, or if some bystander has a gun, you or they may be able to do something with that gun to stop the armed person. thus, there is an undeniable gap in the effective immediacy of such responses.
many gun advocates also point to the incompetence or insufficiency of law enforcement, even when they are present to stop an armed aggressor. the fact that law enforcement do not have a 100% success rate in protecting the citizenry is also objectively true.
so, when you are in danger, arming yourself increases your chances of being able to put down (or at least take armed action against) a present or potential threat. whether it is viewed it as a supplement to or a replacement for law enforcement, it is meant to make up for the shortcomings of the government's ability to completely protect all its citizens. it's a safety net for state failure.
back to dead souls. rgg has always centered political corruption in its stories, including politicians, the police, and sometimes even the military, though usually the former two. sometimes this is treated sympathetically (i.e. tanimura, a dirty cop, whose dirty-cop-ness allows him to work outside/against the law to help disadvantaged people, not unlike how kiryu views being a yakuza), and other times it's simply a matter of greed or lust for power (i.e. jingu).
however, something that's almost never touched on so clearly is government incompetence. when the government fails to help people or hurts them or does corrupt things, it's usually due to a competent, malicious bad apple who is removed from power by the end of the game. this implies holes in the system because it keeps happening all the time, but that's on a series-wide scale, a pattern ignored by the series in favor of the individual game solution of "this guy's gone now :) yay".
but in dead souls, the SDF's barracades fall, their men are killed, they are unable to help protect the people outside or inside the quarantine zone. they are weak in a way the government usually isn't in these games. and who is stronger than them? our individual good guys with guns. so we need to be armed because the government is weak and can't protect us. boom. america.
returning to point 2, i'd like to say that dead souls is not particularly more individualistic than any of the other games in the series (other than, perhaps, y7). rgg is an incredibly individualistic series, actually. its protagonists are usually men who defy, oppose, and skirt around the law as a way of helping others and doing what is truly right (with a few exceptions, like shinada and haruka). the romanticized view of the yakuza as a force for helping the community in the face of government incompetence is a real one, and one that tends to manifest itself most in kiryu and how the series treats him. it shows us yakuza who aren't willing to kill, yakuza who cry about honor and justice and humanity and brotherhood, yakuza who never dip their hands into less palatable crimes, or only do with intense regret (and only ever as part of their backstory). the beat-em-up style emphasizes this as well. i mean, what's more individualistic than a one-man army?
put more clearly, this series is about men defying legal and social laws and expectations to live in a way that feels right to them, and about making themselves strong enough to combat those who would get in their way. the individual is placed before the society in importance, (though generally in a way that benefits the community, because they are good guys who want to use that agency and power for good).
all of this is true in dead souls as well, technically. those who live on the outskirts of society are the ones who actually save the day, and the ones who go in there and save people rather than just walling them off and pretending like they don't exist. they have the guns, which are illegal and mark them as criminals, but this broken law is what gives them the power to save themselves when the government will not, and to save their community if they so choose.
where dead souls differs is in the nature of that strength.
rgg places a lot of emphasis on self-improvement, both of one's body and of one's character. do both of these, and you will be strong enough to back up your ambitions. what allows someone to carve their own path in life is the ability to put down ideological and physical resistance by having resolve and the ability to tiger drop whoever won't be swayed by your impassioned speeches. you make yourself a weapon. you make yourself strong. in dead souls, that strength comes from an external, material possession. strength is something you buy (or that you take from someone else). who is able to survive the apocalypse comes not from the heart, nor from rigorous training, but from who has the most, the biggest, and the most bestest guns. it's an intersection of capitalism, militarization, and individualism. simply, deeply american.
[when i was talking myself through this a few days ago, i spent a lot more time on the capitalism + individualism stuff, but i think i'll keep this moving. consider this aside the intermission]
dead souls also differs for a few other interlocking reasons. it can be described with this equation:
zombification of enemies + lethality of guns = loss of emphasis on redemption
if your best friend turned into a zombie, could you shoot them? or your child? or your lover? it's a common trope, but it's a damn good one. watching your family, your neighbors, your town, everyone turn into a husk of themselves, something that looks like them but cannot be reached, is deeply tragic. it's even more tragic when these husks are trying to kill you. unable to be reasoned with and unable to be cured, you must incapacitate them before someone innocent is hurt--or hurt, then themselves made dangerous; each loss adds to the number of threats surrounding you. your life is seen as more valuable than that of your zombified friend, not only because the zombie is attacking you and it's self defense, but because they are no longer a person to you. to be a zombie is to no longer be human; zombification is dehumanization.
and so in a series so focused on connection with one's community, on saving innocent civilians, often on saving kamurocho specifically, one would expect similar tropes to occur. even if one's friends aren't turned, perhaps the cashier at poppo you chat with sometimes is. it's the destruction of that community and of the members one has tertiary relationships with that i expect would occur most within a kamurocho zombie story, since they are likely unwilling to axe anyone more important than that, even if dead souls isn't canon. i'd especially expect to see that in the beginning, before the need to kill zombies rather than contain or redeem them becomes apparent.
this does not happen.
i cannot speak for the entire game, but i can speak of gameplay choices that affect this, and ones i think will not be subverted throughout, even if they are somewhat contradicted by plot events i am presently unaware of.
kamurocho is not a community to protect, nor is it filled with your fellows. it is a playground filled with infinitely respawning, infinitely mow-downable, infinitely disposable zombies. you are meant and encouraged to kill them by the thousands, and never to hesitate or consider whether they may be cured or who may be mourning them. who may be unable to identify their loved one because you were trying to reach a headshot goal from hasegawa. you are not meant to consider them as human, nor beings that were once human, nor beings that could be human again, in the eyes of the zombie shooter. they are merely bodies, targets, and obstacles.
the zombies are contrasted with the true humans, those barricading themselves within the quarantine zone or those living in ignorance outside it. humans are meant to be saved, zombies are meant to be killed. the player character is the only one who can truly help with either of these goals, because the other humans are cowardly, ignorant, or unarmed/helpless. you must be their savior. to be a savior is to eliminate zombies, who are less than human.
the black and white nature of this is also emphasized by another gameplay characteristic: the lack of street encounters. when you traverse the peaceful parts of kamurocho, you are never attacked. you are also never directly attacked by the humans within the quarantine zone. kamurocho feels very different without its muggers and hooligans, but it's because this is a zombie shooter, not a beat-em-up. in a normal rgg title, you'd subdue threats by punching, kicking, and throwing them. you'd use your body in (supposedly) nonlethal ways. dead souls does not have a combat system meant for civilians. you have your guns. you subdue threats by shooting them, preferably lethally. the game doesn't want you to do that to humans, so you never fight humans. this furthers the black and white divide between the salvation-worthy, noble humans and the death-worthy, worthless zombies. combat is only lethal, and only used against the inherent other.
this leads me to the part of dead souls i find most conflicting with the ethos of rgg broadly, and perhaps its greatest ideological/thematic failing.
because the enemy are incurable, dangerous, and inhuman, you must kill them to protect yourself and others, others who are still human. humanity is something that is lost or preserved, but never regained. once someone's gone, they're gone, and you not only must kill them, it is your duty and your right to kill them. you should kill them.
in dead souls, there is no redeeming the enemy.
and that's a big problem.
rgg is about a lot of things, but a key one is the ability of people to change for the better. its most memorable, beloved villains are those who see the light by the end and change their wicked ways (usually through some form of redemptive suicide, though that's another essay in itself). its pantheon of characters is full of those who come from questionable backgrounds struggling to be the best people they can be, to live as themselves authentically and compassionately. it's about the good and the love you can find in the moral and legal gray zones of life/society, and the potential/capacity for good all of us have, no matter how far we may have fallen. it is a hopeful series. it is a merciful series.
this is something bolstered by its gameplay. countless substories are resolved by punching a lesson into someone until they improve their behavior, either out of fear or genuine remorse/development. the games don't just discourage killing your enemies, they don't allow you to (yes, we've all seen the "kiryu hasn't killed anybody? umm. look at this heat action" stuff before, and while they've got a point, i believe it's the narrative's intent that none of this is actually lethal, based on how laxly it treats certain plot injuries (cough cough. y7 bartender) and the actual concept of taking a life, the gravity it is given by the text, particularly when it comes to characters crossing that threshold into someone who has killed. explicit killing is not an option open to you, even when you're being attacked by dozens and dozens of armed men. conflicts are resolved by simply beating up enough guys in this nonlethal manner.
but dead souls is a shooter. to avoid conflict with the series' moral qualms about letting its characters kill, the enemies cannot be human. furthermore, the zombie shooter genre can only fit within the series if its zombies are completely inhuman. this means their pasts as humans cannot be acknowledged, nor the possibility of a cure, nor the characters' own potential conflicts about killing them; or, at least, not in a way that impedes their or the player's ability to gun them down afterwards.
if you can't kill humans in your series, then it cannot be possible to save (in this case, rehumanize) zombies. this is especially true in a game where you are unable to fight humans, and thus human lives are universally more valuable than zombie lives. because if you kill a zombie that can be cured, you are, in a way, killing a human.
and so, in a series where you should always assume your enemies (and everyone, for that matter) are capable of reason, compassion, change, and redemption, and where they are always worth that effort, even if they reject it in the end, dead souls' enemies are irredeemable and only worth swift, stylish slaughter. there are only good guys and bad guys. good guys must be protected, lest they be turned irreversibly into bad guys. good guys are only protected by killing bad guys, and the only way to save good guys is to kill every last one of the bad guys. do not spare them, and do not ask whether or not it's right. only kill.
i love dead souls. it's a silly game. i like seeing daigo in decoy-drag and majima gleefully cartwheeling his way through zombies and ryuji with his giant gun arm prosthetic. it's fun. but when i was trying to figure out what felt off about it to me, one of the words that came to mind (besides american) was indulgent. that, too, felt odd, because i love indulgent media. i am not one to scorn decadent, hedonistic, beautiful high-calorie slop type media. if dead souls was just fan servicey, that wouldn't really bother me. i am a fan and boy do i feel serviced. it rocks. but i think my problem is in what dead souls is indulging.
i think dead souls indulges in the desire to cut loose, and to see these characters cut loose. thing is, they're cutting loose all over kamurocho, and all over the bodies of people they used to (at least in concept) care for. with lethal weapons. it is catharsis via bloodbath, not by pushing your body and mind to the limit in man to man combat, but by pulling a trigger before the other guy can hurt you, or even think about hurting you, for the crime of existing as the wrong kind of thing.
and i just don't think that's in line with rgg's beliefs.
yes, it's probably fair for dead souls' characters to kill zombies. i'm not against that. i'm also not against games letting you do purposeless violence. i spent a good amount of my elementary school years killing oblivion npcs for shits, like. that's not what bothers me about dead souls.
rgg as a series has always taken a hard stance in both its game design and narrative choices against killing and for the potential for redemption in its enemies. and i think the lengths to which it goes to promote that despite the probably-lethal moves you do and the improbability of a harmless do-gooder yakuza is one of the most endearing things about the games. so for this one entry to disregard that key theme for the sake of a genre shift that flopped super hard, well? i dunno. it feels weird i guess. it's out of place not just because it's a dramatic shift in gameplay and style and also zombies are only a thing here (and the supernatural/fantastical are thus only prominent here), but because of what those shifts imply.
so, uh. yeah. my pre-dead-souls thoughts that dead souls wasn't that out of pocket bc rgg's just kinda weird? turns out it was actually super weird to have a zombie shooter in there, but for way way deeper reasons than anyone gives it credit for.
(footnotes in tags)
#1) i deemphasized the physicality of shooting to emphasize my points about the viscerality and personal nature of rgg#brawls and the colder more detached nature of gun use relative to that but i do NOT mean that shooting has no physical component to it#obviously it takes a lot of skill to shoot quickly and accurately and lugging a bigass gun around kamurocho would tucker me out for sure#2) no i don't think all those things i said were american were usa-exclusive. it's a big world out there. i'm just saying those things#combined feel like a particularly american flavor of thing to me#3) there's probably more to be said about the connection between wanton killing and american styling or anti-immigration theming in zombie#stories or dead souls But i figured that was a bit too disconnected to the funny zombie game. this shit was a lot anyway y'know?#4) also i don't think most of this was intentional on the part of rgg studios. i genuinely think they just wanted to make a fun zombie#shooter and didnt really think about it all that hard. whenever you make smth there's gonna be implications you never considered. it happen#5) is it ballsy to write a giant essay on a game i'm like 1/4 the way through? yes. i've done smarter things. i'll revisit it when im done#if i'm wrong then i'll figure it out probably. but like. i don't think they'd set up the hasegawa objective stuff or have akiyama just#unflinchingly start shooting zombies and then later challenge that. we'll see but my hopes aren't high y'know? i know rgg#6) i should also clarify that violent catharsis is a) a part of all rgg games and b) cool as hell. it's the lethal bit that doesn't fit with#the series y'know?#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza#like a dragon#yakuza dead souls#dead souls#classic skrunk 4 hr middle of the night impulse essay hooorayy
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Maybe if I go to sleep now I could have enough energy to write and do other productive stuff tomorrow
#journal entry ᝰ.ᐟ#last time I wrote smth I procrastinated for a good week or two and spat out a little iver 1k words in one day#which is a lot for me#Ran baby I will get to you when I have attended to more important things 🥹#maybe if I take a small break fron tumblr I could get stuff done#idk tho#ALSO ANOTHER THING DJDNDJNDNDDN I NEED TO TYPE THIS OUT IN TAGS#bc I know no one will read all of that here#but I really find myself emotionally disconnecting from a dear friend :((((#this unfortunately is just how my brain works. if I have a feeling I'm not a priority and haven't talked to them#I will start detaching#I had friends who I thought I would be friends with for a long time. Took me about a month to get over them after splitting with them#like genuinely I cannon be bothered if I start feeling weird vibes. I cannot be botheres when I know you don't wanna talk to me#maybe it's for the better. maybe it's the midnight angst talking rn bc I am soooooooooooooo eepy#stay away! 🧿
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