#did basically nothing yesterday
Text
woke up just like yesterday, really tired.
#did basically nothing yesterday#today i won't do much too#ah yeah#i am like this everyday#giggles#luise pensamentos#chronic pain#chronic migraine#chronic fatigue#chronic illness#chronically ill#physical disability#physically disabled#disabled#actually disabled
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
a lesson on good karma
digimon survive week 2024
day 4: supporting characters
#digimon#gomamon#digimon survive#survive week#survive week 2024#rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art...#exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today#finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so#irl do be like that aint it#anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good#but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon#and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring#it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible#and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say#be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you#and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on#yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons...#mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;;#this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change)#gotta keep surviving#png
161 notes
·
View notes
Text
pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
tbf i really deserved to lose that poll im stupid af
#i need to come off the pill it’s not funny anymore 😂🙏🏼#like it was already hard getting myself motivated for a degree i hate and then there’s the adhd shit on top of that#which is literally the productivity killer but now the pill on top of all that has just taken any fear factor i might have had#like i don’t feel anything I’m not nervous there’s no concept of repurcussions in my mind#and it’s meant I’ve basically hardly fucking studied and it’s entirely my fault and im GOING to fail#like you cannot walk into a uni exam with the barebones knowledge i have and still pass you just can’t#like i spent all of yesterday trying to study and i didn’t get anything fucking done until 11pm#when I did like. a solid hour. that’s it#and it’s so frustrating bc it’s like well why didn’t you just study#and im like i CANT it’s like an actual physical block stopping me#and ik thats the adhd but I could handle it before I knew if I left it last minute the panic would set in and I’d be suddenly productive#but now? nothing#i just don’t feel anything ever and haven’t since literally march#and even that the only reason i remember it as march so vividly is bc i had a fucking depressive episode#physically the pill has done bits but it’s shredded the little mental stability i had and now we’re here and I’m failing my stupid degree#even now it’s like. why am I on tumblr. the exam is in 1.5 hours. i have so much to do bc i did nothing yesterday#and instead of me feeling panic or guilty or ANYTHING?#nothing. just absolutely nothing it’s like im not even here#hella goes to uni
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#really struggling today#my vet suspects my cat has FIP and I’m crushed since that’s basically a death sentence and he only just turned 5 :(#I know GS-441524 is somewhat available in Canada now but since it’s not FDA approved it’s like 8k#what’s worse is my family and I have a 2 week vacation scheduled on May 11#so even though there’s this drug with a 90% success rate it’s just so incredibly expensive I doubt we could afford it#even if we did manage to get our hands on it we wouldn’t be able to administer it to him for those 2 weeks#and even though he’s doing somewhat ok at the moment who knows what his condition will be like during those 2 weeks :(#ultimately we’re trying to decide whether or not to put him down before our trip#like if he does have it and died alone and in pain while we were out of the country I would be crushed#but I’d also be crushed if we put him down when there’s the chance he doesn’t have it since FIP is so hard to diagnose#it’s the not knowing what’s going on that makes it worse#it’s so hard because he’s still so sweet and curious and has really been my rock since we got him I’m just absolutely beside myself#like the whole day yesterday he’s done nothing but cuddle me and my mom like he knows we’re upset but doesn’t know why#I just feel like I’m abandoning and failing him in his time of need#I desperately don’t want to go on this trip so I can spend more time with him and maybe scrounge up enough money to buy the drugs#and give him a fighting chance#but I can’t and I feel sick and trapped about it
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
..
#slight tw for the next few tags…………#my sister emotionally and verbally abused me last night and I don’t use those terms lightly at all#basically I texted my mom ‘yikes’ yesterday after she was being rude to us and she found it and started screaming#and said we all treat her so badly and none of us care about her which cannot be further from the truth#the gaslighting was out of this world#she said we started it?#my mom and I were both crying#she called me all kinds of awful names and kept saying fuck you so I said fuck you back#I have an anxiety around swearing out loud so the car fell silent#then she kept screaming#and I was sobbing and it ruined my makeup#then I had a panic attack#she got out of the car and then we had to go in fucking margaritaville resort to have a dinner w family we don’t see#she thought she was entitled to this outburst.#and I cried silently the whole way home and my pain was so bad on top of it#and now she’s acting like nothing happened. I did not get any apology.#it was HELL#and I just need to rant#I love her but…I did not deserve this#also slightly pissed at my mom bc she told my sister something I said that was supposed to be kept private#and my sister used it against me#sorry I needed to rant ❤️🩹#Abby doesnt shut up
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i felt like coming off birth control was going really well and now i suspect that my period is coming soon and it feels physically impossible to have a positive thought
#if you couldn’t already tell from the multiple random posts i’ve made the past few days#i’m going through it#i feel so strange because yesterday i was literally fine#and today i woke up and every single method i have for my anxiety and SAD does nothing#i do not feel a single ounce of joy#and i know that it’s probably a bit extreme and extra hard because it’s my first cycle but like…how did i do this once a month#also hard because i got told last month that i’m basically out of options for birth control because i had bad side effects on common forms#i can’t even retail therapy my way out of this because i have no money#what is a girl to do
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
wish i could gain weight without eating 😭😭😭 like a sims slider i just wanna gain like 15 pounds in 15 seconds is that too much to ask of my body?!?! apparently
#put on shorts i wore when i was 12 and they are TOO BIG#i dont know how much i weigh because i dont have a scale but i was just underweight a few weeks ago#and i have gotten BETTER at forcing myself to eat but i basically only had bread fruit and a monster energy drink yesterday#and by basically i mean... i know thats all i ate#but i mean i ate a lot of bread... like a bagel#half a loaf of french bread and several slices of rosemary sourdough#my mom bought me groceries which i so appreciate but she did not really... buy me healthy foods#like... 3 different bread products... nothing to put on the bread?! when i am in food funks 80% of my nutrition comes from hummus and guac#oh she did buy me soups but my microwave is broken but i literally havent been getting enough calories to HEAT THINGS ON THE STOVE!!!!#they said i might gain weight on zoloft which i was excited before but instead i lost the same amount of weight i lost this summer in half#the time#bc at least this summer i WANTED to eat i just wasnt given long enough breaks at work to eat ENOUGH food#and i was super active. now i am an art hermit not exercisng & going days where 90% of my calories are energy drinks and the occasional carb#i think its a side effect of the meds and not#disordered eating#but im tagging it as that anyway
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
The brit bros get really wasted and sing auld lang syne, or at least they try to because that song needs control and range that they are not going to have when wasted at 2 am
Ayy heam sorry I just finally listend to the song because I did not know it and it's a beautiful song, they are going to absolutely butcher it
#also yesterday basically didnt happen#I'm sick and yesterday i did nothing but read sleep and suffer#but now im better so that was worth it#riva.ask#uk bros#hetalia headcanon
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bro I have been so fucking sleepy this past week
#I slept twelve hours yesterday and drank coffee after I got off my shift where I did basically nothing#WHY AM I SO TIRED#personal
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s blooming 🌼
#quick post to reassure that I’m still alive…#I’m not gone just walked away from writing for a bit#it’s not that interesting of a story basically I was in a bad spot mentally physically professionally etc#the only thing I was doing was writing and putting all of myself into it#all of my self worth hinged on it#so when it didn’t meet some arbitrary made up standard I felt just lost and useless#so I took a few steps back#now I’m growing plants and running and have a plan for my future#so I can slowly get back into writing#as a part of a whole and not my entire identity#I’m not entirely sure when I’ll be back#but I did start working a bit on the next chapter of nothing else fills yesterday….#…anyway#I’m sorry for being missing in action and I love you guys a lot
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
BG3 nonsense below the cut (no spoilers)
I don't know whether to go for Astarion or Gale. I got sucked into Gale's romance in EA, but so many things have happened in these 3 years and everything is different.
I made Nan for a D&D adventure and she started out as an Erewynne copy at first, then got developed and she's actually a bladesinger.
Wynne can't be one, and besides, playing as her old self now kind of feels like playing Nan, and the relationship I feel with Gale isn't the same anymore, now I'm feeling more inclined towards Astarion, who was actually who I was first interested by even before the release of the EA. I had a bit planned for what connects them (she's my Bhaalspawn's daughter), so it worked.
Besides, I don't think Gale's face rework works for him, I like his EA face better.
#bg3#Baldur's Gate 3#did i break it? did i break the curse?#the curse of going for the mage who calls you unique?#anyway who i really wanna play as is Hellen#listen she's the most clever. brilliant. amazing. creative character i have#i love her so much#she's basically designed to play in a larian game cause they let you do whatever the hell you please (make glasya tieflings @ larian)#if i can find flying boots in here nothing will be able to stop me#she's so fun to play as!!!#as for Erewynne#she did the thing with Astarion yesterday and now idk#maybe it's because I've changed as well
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake
#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH#also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl#how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break#thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo#HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance#but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart#it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends#odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway#yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh#also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the#persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway#i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was#basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them#and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok#im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE#oops it was nothing#....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway#also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real#my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige#three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp#......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF#my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like#treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡#crushposting
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
‘you don’t seem too happy tho :(’ cunt I’ll bite you
#THE ACTUAL CHEEK OF HER LET ME CALM DOWN BEFORE I RANT FUCK MEEEEE THIS GIRL THIS GIRLYPOP EVEN#right so I’ve got a mate that I fell out with a couple weeks ago and she’s not confrontational but she IS the type to hold grudges#and express them in like. really petty ways. so like we settled our argument ages ago and I moved on bc i have a life#BUT IT’S OUR OTHER MATE’S BDAY PARTY TODAY AND IM NOT THAT CLOSE WITH THIS MATE BUT THIS GIRL IS HER FLATMATE YEAH#SO EVEN IF THAT MATE DIDNT INVITE ME DIRECTLY THEN THIS OTHER MATE THAT I AM CLOSER WITH WOULD HAVE#bc basically me her and another girl make a trip like we’re very close and it’s a very rigid trio set up#like you CANNOT invite two and not the other yk? guess what she fucking did#i only FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS PARTY BC THE THIRD GIRL IN OUR TRIO VERY CASUALLY WAS LIKE OH WHAT R U GONNA WEAR#AND I WAS LIKE??? TO WHAT??? AND SHE WAS SO BAMBOOZLED BC THATS HOW MUCH OF A GIVEN IT WAS THAT ID BE INVITED#BC MY MATE INVITED HER BUT NOT ME#and I’ve known that since yesterday morning but I was like okayyy okay im saying nothing am I fuck getting aggy bc I didn’t get INVITED#like that’s embarassing I’m staying silent. which I stick to until suddenly 5pm today#my mate that invited the other girl but not me messages me going#‘are you coming?’ GIRL??? AND THEN PROCEEDS TO TRY GASLIGHT ME LIKE ‘I MESSAGED YOU ABOUT IT’#YOU DID IN FACT NOT#AND I CANT PROVE SHES BEING INNOCENT AND PETTY BC WE FELL OUT AGES AGO BUT IT CERTAINLY FUCKING FEES LIKE IT#and even tho id acc like to have gone to that party I cut my nose off and was like nah im gonna sit this one out it’s just awkward now innit#and she was backtracking by that point bc i think she thought she’d just make me feel marginally uncomfortable and then I’d crawl over#like no bitch!!! and yeah I was a bit mardy on text and she HITS ME WITH THIS#‘are you okay’ ‘yeah you two have fun’ ‘you don’t seem too happy tho?’ YOU FUCKING RECKON???#furious tbh im scheming over how to retaliate even though i KNOW i shouldnt#petty petty girls grow up pls#hella goes to uni
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Almost had a breakdown at work today bc they're changing the layout nearly COMPLETELY and I was arguing with [relative coworker] that I KNOW they're gonna take the extra tables away, bc I KNOW how corporate thinks (ie: well just stock less/condense. It doesnt matter that WE ordered/put on the schedule 30+ items for you to have put out. YOU just arent selling enough!)) And she was like no I've been here this long, I know best
And so we're arguing and I'm reading out the layout in a passive agressive "no, I'M right" way and fucking Dumbass Husband coworker comes by and asks her if shes sad bc she looks sad
MOTHERFUCKER WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE!! GO AWAY FUCKHEAD!
And I was not masking and looked at him like 😐+😠 like fucking come on hurry up and leave I'm ARGUING
Anyway I was dropping fucks/fucking all morning bc it's just SO STUPID how they want things now and it's not going to work!!!
And apparently we're allowed to request price drops if theres too much product and like none selling and it's like okay that's great for the stupid Sharter's brand shit I have that nooooo one wants but everyone wants to look at the size 24m bc ooh it's on the BOTTOM
But I fucking have these shitty 3pack shorts still (we got a shipment of 800 at the end of june... price already lowered by half by then to like $6) and they're STILL NOT SELLING AT LIKE $4! I CANT MARK THEM LOWER BITCH
I mean I'll put in a request when I have time but I'm kinda hoping they just... get liquidated...
Oh and we think Dumbass Couple were high and that's why he clearly couldnt read the room (and other off/odd instances) but also bc his wife asked me if I had the Reese's ice cream we got for free today and I said no I cant have that and shes like "you cant????" Like dumbfounded and I said no I'm allergic and she paused and goes "peanut butter?"
Agsgsgsgs like no fucking chocolate YEAH PEANUTS DIPSHIT ITS THE MOST COMMON ALLERGEN agsggdgdgd
Oh and apparently their transfer got cancelled/rejected lmaoo so we're stuck with them 😭 ffs
#everyone that said they were gonna quit also did not - one bc family emergency she financially cant unfortunately get out of this hellhole#yet. and the other just can't get any applications accepted bc places dont wanna hire they wanna say they do#marquilla#work talk#im so fucking tired of this shit man like stop changing shit ffs#i literally was thinking yesterday how nice it is that i have the stupid brands together AND NOW I DONT BC THEY FUCKED ME UP#im just hoping shit gets liquidated soon... like please i have 400+ of these 2 pack shorts and theyre already marked down to $6 people just#dont want them!! like can you have your one sketchy friend who buys our clearance shit come and buy out our clothing again??#it happened last year and it was so fun getting rid of everything sgsggdgd i was like YES YES YES GET RID OF IT!#and the guy was like... thats too much clothing WELL YOU DIDNT PICK IT OUT NOW DID YA? YOU GET ALL OR NOTHING BITCH#now he just gets like basics stuff sgsggdgd like mmm no fuck that shit
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
gloriousexperthumanclam-blog
Samsun Escort
god-bless-daddy
Hush. Hush...
devonbenoitmusic-blog
Devon Benoît Music
howdoihomestucking
how do i homestucking?
alpiancrust
Deri Alpian