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bandaged-writer · 4 years

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hi!! since requests are open- can i have jealousy hcs for dazai, ranpo, tanizaki and chuuya with an s/o who’s friendly and doesnt really catch on to flirting? :0

Dazai Osamu

➤ Dazai doesn’t get jealous easily. He trusts you all the way to his bandages and knows how long it takes you to notice that someone is flirting with you. Before the two of you became a thing, Dazai had been excessively flirting with you only and always threw compliments your way such as “Ah, those earrings really compliment the color of your eyes, belladonna!” and you’d just say “I think so, too. Thanks,” before resuming your way of life. Yosano had to tell you that Dazai was looking at you with heart eyes, trying to score a date with you for 2 weeks at that time.

➤ He watches with an amused smirk when the person flirting with you starts getting frustrated. To Dazai, it’s just funny how the person becomes more desperate and the flirting becomes blatantly obvious, yet it’s like you’re immune unless it’s Dazai that does the flirting (yes, you got better at catching his advances). Eventually, Dazai will smoothly join the scene with his hand resting on your waist and pull you close to his side.

➤ “Thank you for looking after my belladonna while I had to use the bathroom, but we’re on a date. If you’d excuse us.”

➤ However, Dazai won’t pull the playful side if the person makes you uncomfortable or uses inappropriate pick-up lines. He knows you’re just too nice to tell the person to fuck off and would rather sit through the experience than potentially anger them.

➤ You can actually see the light in his eyes fading into nothing and his voice drops an entire octave. You’d only witnessed that side of Dazai one or two times, but you will never forget the goosebumps that covered your skin. “Put those paws of yours on her and you won’t see tomorrow come.”

➤ I can see Dazai getting somewhat jealous when it’s someone you have good chemistry with and/or if there’s some kind of romantic background; like someone you’d once gone out on a date with, was partner other and such. He’d stay attached to your side all the time, but not because he doesn’t trust you; he doesn’t trust that person.

➤ While you’re happily chatting away, Dazai is extra touchy in that situation. May it be his arm around your waist, his hand on your upper thigh or gently caressing your knee underneath the table while whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Ngl, he wants to fluster you a bit, just enough for it to be visible or audible. Dazai is a little shit in that situation and wants to make the person feel uncomfortable enough to leave.

➤ “Dazai, you what-?!” You’d slap his arm and blush furiously.

➤ “I don’t like the way they looked at you, my love,” Dazai would say pouting once you’re home and proceeds to suck some purple bruises into the skin of your neck, so that they wouldn’t look at you twice, again.

➤ Can and will continue if you liked what he was doing.

Ranpo Edogawa

➤ That man protects his candy better than his own life and you’re no exception. Sharing ain’t caring and he sure as hell isn’t having it when someone flirts with who belongs to him.

➤ Unlike Dazai, he can’t just watch and immediately sweeps in to stop whatever the person was about to do with both of his arms around you or you behind him. Depends on how badly it rubs Ranpo the wrong way.

➤ Yes, Ranpo’s aware of your overly friendly side and appreciated it. Even flirting with you is fun, because it takes you some time to get it and when you do, it’s the most adorable thing. However, it’s definitely not adorable when someone else tries to gauge that reaction out of you. It’s only for Ranpo to witness.

➤ “Who the hell are you?” Ranpo would say in a tone that would give away that he’s definitely jealous but quickly sigh and stop the person from answering by waving them off. “Have you ever heard of rhetorical questions? Of course, I don’t want to know who you are.”

➤ The type to deny he’s jealous and be all whiny about your accusations until you stop teasing him about it, hold his hand and reassure him. “I really look up to you, Ranpo. My eyes are always on you,” and Ranpo would deadass lose it, because that’s what you said when it was your first time joining him for a murder case and he had told you to watch him.

➤ Gets soft real fast and admits that he just doesn’t like anyone else hitting on you, saying that jealousy is indeed a lame feeling that he’s not fond of. “But you’re beautiful so I can understand, but it’s still so meh.”

➤ Pls give him a forehead kiss. He treasures them so much more than kisses on the lips, cheek, neck, etc. To Ranpo, it’s like a pinky promise.

➤ Will proudly wrap an arm around your shoulder, pull you flush to his side and wanders off to the next ice-cream shop while making walking a bit hard. According to Ranpo, ice-cream cools down heated feelings (pun intended) and it’s a great place for him to show off who’s his.

➤ Can and will use his deduction skills on that person if they’re making you uncomfortable or trying inappropriate things on you. “Ah, I see. You’ve already harassed several people and had to go to the police. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you had to get actually arrested this time?”

➤ Has that proud and wicked smirk on his face when the person gets scared and makes a run for it. Ranpo will still report them though.

Tanizaki Junichiro

➤ Jealousy-wise, he’s something between Ranpo and Dazai. It really depends on the circumstances, how the person approaches you and all.

➤ If the person treats you with respect and kindness, Tanizaki will quickly inform them that you’re taken by him. He understands that you’re naturally friendly and figures that it’s also the vibe you give off, so he can’t blame anyone for finding that attractive. Tanizaki is just relieved that the person was kind enough to understand the position they were in and even wished the two of you a nice day/date.

➤ Still holds your hand a little bit tighter, though.

➤ “Wait, did you just get jealous?” It’d hit you out of nowhere once the scene replays in your head and Tanizaki would blush ever so slightly. Maybe he was a bit jealous, but not to a high extent. He’d rather call it protective. “Ah, [Name], it’s nothing like that, I promise.”

➤ Now, y’all have seen that man protecting his sister and he protects you just as much as Naomi. Once the person is creepy and fishy, it’s game over and it’s like a switch turned within him.

➤ When you get uncomfortable and feel bothered by whoever’s flirting with you, Tanizaki takes over faster than you could ask him for help. “I don’t care who you are or what you’re trying to achieve here, but bend even a hair of hers and you’ll severely regret it.” His eyes are dull, voice firm and serious as he gets his point across.

➤ Feels genuinely jealous when you seemingly ignore him for someone else, though. None of Tanizaki’s tries of joining the conversation are successful, not even him touching your hand or being a bit more touchy than usually gains your attention. It’s then that his voice sounds a little bit more lifeless and gains your observance. “[Name], weren’t we on a date?” You know you messed up.

➤ You kindly say goodbye to whoever’s flirting with you and ask Tanizaki what’s wrong - it’s just not his kind and easily flustered self

➤ “You seemed to be having fun with them, don’t you?”

➤ “Tanizaki, they were just being nice-”

➤ Give him the puppy eyes and everything is forgiven, though. Tanizaki could never, in his entire life, be genuinely mad at you. Yes, he might be upset that you ignored him for good 5 minutes straight, but that’s it.

Chuuya Nakahara

➤ Chuuya rarely gets jealous. He puts 110% of his faith and trust in you and knows that you do the same. A relationship that’s loyal to the bone.

➤ He can stand it for a little while when e.g. Tachihara is getting a little too friendly and touchy with you. Of course, you return the gesture, believing that he’s just being nice to you and not actually flirting. After all, no one but Chuuya had ever really flirted with you or so you believed.

➤ We all know that man’s temper is as short as his height, so it wouldn’t take long for him to snatch you away from Tachihara and dump a load of work on him. “Chuuya, what is all that work for?!” Tachihara would obviously complain, not quite understanding why all of a sudden he was assigned to pretty lame jobs. Chuuya just waves him off, pulling you into his side and temper tested. “You don’t flirt with taken people. If you do, you’ll simply have to carry the consequences.”

➤ Tachihara wasn’t aware you were in a relationship with Chuuya. After all, being an executive was a lot of work, he often came home late and your paths with Chuuya didn’t cross as often as you’d like, but y’all still make it work.

➤ At that moment, Chuuya makes an effort to see you more often during the day, have you closer by his side and let people know that you’re his and his alone. He’ll then bring you along to meetings, lets you sit on his lap when it’s just paperwork he has to finish for Mori and holds your hand at the mafia headquarters.

➤ It’s not like Chuuya has never held your hand. He just never thought of it as necessary and you never complained about it either, so he assumed it was okay.

➤ Chuuya introduces you to Kouyou, knowing that word will get around faster. Now, Kouyou isn’t a woman of gossip but she will assume that Mori is aware of the relationship Chuuya shares with you and casually goes “Chuuya’s partner is pretty cute, don’t you think so, Mori-san?” and Mori stops whatever he’s doing, “You mean like a..relationship?”

➤ Mori will spread word like wildfire. Elise scolds him.

➤ “Now everyone knows you’re mine, shrimp,” Chuuya pats your head and messes up your hair affectionately. You can’t help the huff slipping your lips and look up at him with a questioning look. “Big reaction for someone so small.”

➤ “cOME HERE, YOU LITTLE-”

➤ The next day everyone knows about your relationship with Chuuya and knows better than to hit on you. Not only did Mori run his mouth, but your neck was pretty colorful and Chuuya was extra cocky that day.

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #ranpo edogawa #ranpo x reader #jun'ichirō tanizaki #tanizaki x reader #chuuya nakahara #chuuya x reader

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penguinkinggames · 3 years

Text

“Cerebos: The Crystal City” Actual Play Part III: The End

This is the third and final entry in a series of posts recounting a session of actual play from Cerebos: the Crystal City, currently crowdfunding on Kickstarter. The first two parts can be found here:

https://tumblr.penguinking.com/post/646498084013195264

https://tumblr.penguinking.com/post/646788426842128384

This session was conducted on March 20th, 2021, with Matthew Dorbin as GM, and Amelia Gorman, Ashley Flanagan, Will Mendoza, and Kevin Snow playing. The events of play were recorded by Zach Welhouse.

The First Leg of the journey has ended, and the Lady in Blue is the Seeker. She remembers her past: she was a small-time crook who left the City by the Sea to kill her murderous, thieving sister. Having pieced together her past, she has until arriving at Cerebos to decide if she still wants to kill the Lady in Red.

The Unqualified Robot, Tinderling, and the Lonesome Seafarer won’t find the answers they were looking for in Cerebos. However, they’ve ridden the rails with the Lady in Blue long enough they may have learned something else. Aiding her in her journey may clarify their own futures.

Tinderling and the Unqualified Robot hope the Lady in Blue will kill her sister. Actions have consequences and violence is sometimes necessary to restore balance. The Lonesome Seafarer has had enough pain. She hopes the Lady in Blue will be able to move on – or find common ground with the woman who did her wrong.

Sixth Round of Train Actions

Tinderling notices an enormous marble building in the distance. From its Greek pillars and statues of Justice, it’s probably a courthouse. None of the travellers are on especially great terms with the law, but the train stops anyway. This journey isn’t just about them. There are other passengers too! A trial is in session when the passengers arrive, and it requires four jurors. As outsiders, the travelers are unbiased. Wigged functionaries encourage them to attend the day’s arguments. It’s the trial of Hodur, Norse god of winter and accidental murderer of Baldr. Baldr is testifying when the jury enters: “My death was absolutely necessary! My death was all part of a larger plan!” He cites Romulus & Remus, Osiris & Set, and other famous examples of fratricide. Sometimes a death is necessary for the greater good.

Tinderling’s player spends 1 Momentum to create a Danger 2 Stop as a Saintly Revelation. She doesn’t want to make the journey to Cerebos more difficult for anybody, but she does present the Lady in Blue with an argument to stay the course.

As with the previous Stop, the other travelers should have received a Train Action before arriving at the courthouse. The GM had been keeping an eye on the clock and made an executive decision to ensure the trains kept running on time. The whole session, including several snack breaks, fit into a four-hour session with only fifteen minutes of overflow!

Stop Actions: The Trial of Hodur

The Unqualified Robot has decided to Seize the Opportunity to divest itself of its past wares. It is defined by actions now, not junky gadgets. It offers gadget after gadget from its backpack to passing barristers, seeking some way to communicate. It rolls a Success and scores a giant foam finger with “FRATRICIDE” written on it. The new jury is fitting in with the trial, so the Danger reduces to 1.

The Lonesome Seafarer waits for a lull in the trial and vaults out of the jury box to cross-examine Hodur: “Did you mean to kill Baldr?” She rolls 1 + 5 = 6, but spends a rank of Tunnel Vision to really focus on the heart of the matter and eliminate all obstacles. The rerolled 1 becomes a 5, netting the Lonesome Seafarer an Inspired Success -- and one Momentum to her authoritative hat for rolling doubles! Hodur begins to weep under the incisive questioning: “I could never have done it if I had known! Even if I had to for a better future, I couldn’t kill my brother!” The Stop Danger is reduced to 0. Had Tinderling paid an extra Momentum while setting up the Stop, the Unqualified Robot or the Lonesome Seafarer would have received a keepsake for their efforts.

Tinderling, disgusted by Hodur’s breakdown, starts carving something rude in the juror’s box with her bird bone sewing needle. She’s learning that she’s really into this justified violence thing. How come these people don’t understand progress is impossible without sacrifice? She rolls to Release the Touchstone – a symbol of peace – and succeeds. The needle snaps. She burns with clarity and gains one Contemplation.

The Lady in Blue isn’t in danger. She rests, shakes hands with a few visiting gods, and loads up on jury cookies. She removes one Momentum.

The court is in an uproar over Hodur’s outburst. The travelers aren’t interested in being further embroiled in someone else’s problems, so they sneak out back and return to the train.

Sixth Round of Train Actions (Continued)

The Lonesome Seafarer triggers a Revelation to counter Tinderling’s full-throated endorsement of fratricide. Two high-pitched voices begin shouting from the next car: “I hate you! I wish you weren’t my sister anymore!” The fight spills over into the travellers’ car as two six-year-old girls shove and cry into each other. It’s a Danger 2 Event demonstrating that just because siblings fight doesn’t mean they have to be enemies.

The Unqualified Robot triggers its Saintly Revelation. Since leaving the courtroom, it has been busy building an effigy – a new sibling – from its unsold junk and extraneous body parts. If it can’t communicate with people, maybe something closer to its temperament will do the trick. Calamity strikes! After a disagreement, the Robot and its twin begin to fight. Encouraged by the violence they’ve recently observed, it escalates. Presumably the twin was at fault. The Robot’s player explains, “I think the moral here is the danger siblings hold and how they must be destroyed.” The Robot Battle Event is Danger 5, threatening to strip the train to its bones. Luckily, Cerebos is in sight!

Since the Saints and Demons have introduced their Revelations, it’s time for the Endgame. Cerebos arrives! Its towering spires of crystal and neon illuminate the night. Squabbling siblings, a pair of robots engaged in an all-out hurly burly, and passengers who have begun to take sides pour from the train, attracting the attention of a number of station agents armed with stern frowns and truncheons.

Normally, the gates of Cerebos are a Danger 2 Stop, but the unresolved Events from the train boost it to a worrying Danger 4.

Stop Actions: The Gates of Cerebos

Tinderling stands on a barrel and fans the flames of animosity, pulling unrelated passers-by into the fight: “Hey! This is what happens when you have an evil twin. Monsters are monsters and they don’t change!” She Causes Trouble to boost the Stop to Danger 6 and extend the scene. Everyone receives an extra cycle of Stop Actions.

The Lonesome Seafarer also trusts her words to address the growing riot, arguing for peace. She draws on the harsh lessons she learned from Scurvy, her missing mate: “You have to give people a chance to change!” It’s like shouting into a storm. Fists and rocks fly as she takes Damage, her words unheeded.

The Unqualified Robot briefly breaks free from its apocalyptic struggle with its evil twin. These… emotions are just holding it back. It tries to Release its last remaining expression slide, a smiley face defaced by angry eyebrows. An Ugly Break. Communication is easy when it involves throwing things. It gains Momentum on its whiskey flask and gains Contemplation. It thanks Tinderling for introducing the path of rage.

The Lady in Blue lays into the fray with elbows and right hooks, clearing people away from the Unqualified Robot. They’ve shared whiskey. Everyone just needs to stand back. She takes Damage and reduces the Danger to 4.

Tinderling is taken aback at the chaos she has unleashed. It was all going so well, but the Unqualified Robot is taking a lot of hits. It’s burning too bright! She Seizes an Opportunity and starts laying into station police and onlookers alike. Even spending Burns at Both Ends to flare up like a hero, she takes Damage to reduce the Danger to 3.

The Lonesome Seafarer pushes through the thinning crowd of combatants to the main event: robot vs. robot. She engages the evil twin with watertight logic and the Coat of Thesus Trait: “That robot is made out of your same parts! Why would you fight yourself? That’s not fratricide. That’s suicide!” After a string of unlucky rerolls, she ekes out a Partial Success, taking Damage while wrestling the Evil Twin off the Unqualified Robot. Danger 2.

The Unqualified Robot scrambles back, throwing everything in reach at its evil twin: unsold junk, garbage, rocks. It’s not enough. The only way to end this is to carry its actions to their logical conclusion. The Unqualified Robot tears off its head and flings it at the effigy. The effigy, stunned by the extreme act of violence (and the high-velocity assault) explodes. Danger 1.

The Lady in Blue needs a moment. Watching her travel companion tear off its head to kill its sibling is a lot. Battered passengers and station police slink off. A siren wails in the distance. The Lady in Blue turns to the squabbling children from the train, who stayed focused on one another the whole time the battle raged around them. “Kids. Let’s talk. What happened?” she asks. The sisters explain a very long, very important story that involves teasing and boysenberry (or possibly poisonberry) tea. It is ridiculous. The Lady in Blue sighs long and deep. “It’s not like I’m not already headed to Hell. Try this, kids. This is what real poison tastes like.” She offers them each a sip of whiskey, transferring their animosity to her as they taste the rough, foul drink. Two-vs-one isn’t fair, but the Lady in Blue weathers their coughing and shin-kicking. Failure. The Lady in Blue takes stress Damage and the round ends: “I solved a fight between two children and I feel terrible about it.”

Epilogue

Tinderling, the Lonesome Seafarer, and the Lady in Blue walk the backstreets of Cerebos. They don’t glisten with empyrean light like the main thoroughfares, but neither are they patrolled by gendarmes searching for whoever it was who started the brawl at the train station.

The Lady in Blue takes out her revolver, spins the cylinder, and stares down the barrel. She pops out the last bullet, sheathes her gun, and leaves her fellow travelers. She has chosen the Devil’s Path, deviating from her initial goal thanks – in a strong part – to the tragic brutality of the Unqualified Robot.

Everybody looks at their goals, laughing at the fresh round of revelations. The only thing left to do now is tally up Momentum and Contemplation to make epilogue rolls.

The Unqualified Robot died doing what it loved: throwing something. The end. No moral.

Tinderling is a member of the Walking Wounded, unable to settle down in Cerebos, which seems just as bad for workers as the City by the Sea. Nevertheless, she’s gained a newfound appreciation for robot rights. Before leaving for Cerebos, robots were machines, jerks, and scabs to Tinderling. But the Unqualified Robot taught her that treating robots like tools would only lead to calamity. Maybe her redemption lies in solidarity with all workers...

The Lonesome Seafarer’s epilogue roll is similar to Tinderling’s. Scurvy isn’t in Cerebos, but she’s found moderating influences elsewhere: “That robot ripping its own head off has taught me some valuable things about myself.” She still hopes to find her missing mate someday, but it isn’t quite the obsession it once was. In the meantime, she’ll keep traveling.

The Lady in Blue rolls a 4: Self-Actualization! She acknowledges the wrong the Lady in Red did to her, but finds peace in putting aside revenge. She’ll live her own life, not one controlled by a further descent into bloodshed. Strolling the streets of Cerebos, she sees Tinderling passing out leaflets and the Lonesome Seafarer inspecting a ship-in-a-bottle in a shop window. She feels a fondness for the Lonesome Sea Captain, perhaps from the adventures they’ve had or perhaps because it was she who first directed the Lady in Blue to Cerebos. “Captain,” says the Lady in Blue, taking the captain’s arm. “How do you feel about having a whiskey with me?” “I’ve only had grog before,” the Lonesome Seafarer hazards. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

The Lady in Blue and the Lonesome Seafarer walk through the electric streets, arm-in-arm, in search of drinks.

#gaming #tabletop roleplaying #tabletop rpgs #cerebos #kickstarter #violence mention #food mention #alcohol mention #death mention

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lorelexi · 4 years

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owaaaa I know theres soo many of these already but can you make class 1-a hcs with an american reader?? or just bakugou/todo/shinsou plz ✨

A/N: oh helllls yea I vibe w this. I didn't do all of the 1-A boys but I did the 3 you suggested and a few others as well. I hope u like this 🥰

---

Bakugou

While I was thinking abt this I kinda?? Started thinking that he probably honestly has a thing for foreigners

Not that he doesn't find any Japanese people attractive but I think there's just something about people who come from somewhere else and who come with a different culture and way of life that he just finds attractive idk

N e wayz he probably tries to slyly befriend you in the beginning under the guise of "making sure that you don't fuck up your new life in Japan"

He's not slick tho, the rest of the bakusquad is like 👀👀👀👀

He definitely will "begrudgingly" help you with your Japanese hw

Likes trying any american snacks that you have, esp. spicy chips oh my god he would love that

Broooo he LOVES loves loveeeees cooking Japanese food for you oh my god

He gets such a rush of pride when you like something that he makes you

He honestly lowkey loves just hearing you talk abt your life in the us,stories of things you'd do for fun, your favorite restaurants, and your friends

You offhandedly tell him that you'll have to take him to your favorite restaurant back in the us one day and he turns as red as a tomato lmaoooo

Todoroki

I feel like he definitely has been to the us before bc u know. Rich ppl things 🤪 my father is the no.2 hero things 🤪

He probably speaks english p well too from both visiting the us and likely having taken English lessons

So he probably gets along w you well and you'll probably seek him out more than others just bc yk it's just nice sometimes to have a convo with someone in your native language rather than stumbling over your Japanese

He doesn't mind though, he thinks you're really cool and he likes your vibe

You guys talk abt places in the us he's been and stuff like that

Definitely the kind of guy who will go out of his way to really try to make you feel better when you feel homesick

He'll hunt down snacks from the us and will watch movies/shows w you in english

10/10 would recommend a todoroki

Shinsou

Boyyyyy frickin loves you homie

He thinks you're so cool tbh

He likes western style clothes (eboy ™ 😗😳) and tv shows and such so he likes talking to you abt that kind of stuff

Will totally take you into the city to introduce you to new foods and just to get a good feel for the Japanese culture

100% takes you to a cat cafe and ur like :0 the whole time

Probably speaks some english too just not as much as Todoroki

Effectively he helps you with your Japanese and you help him with his english

Honestly idk I just feel like you'd get along so well he just genuinely is so fascinated by you and thinks you're super cool

Midoriya

Asks you SO many questions omg

Wants to know what you do for fun, what your fav food is, what american school is like, what kind of music you like.

He wants to know ALL the cultural differences

You don't mind tho bc he's cute

He asked who ur favorite american hero was and once you told him that you've happened to meet 1 or 2 he nerds out so hard

Doesn't know a ton of english but it's ok you guys manage

I feel like out of the other 4 he has the least exposure to any American culture so he loves listening to you talk about it!

Tell him about all of your favorite shows and snacks and tell him stories about school and he's so into it

You think it's super cute how facinated he is but uno reverse card bc he totally thinks you're cute when you're retelling him all of these things with a lil sparkle in your eye 😆

Kaminari

He's a mix of shinsou and midoriya

Thinks youre super super cool and wants to know everything you're willing to share

He's also into western culture but he is still so so willing to just listen to you talk about it for hours

He's fascinated and loves the energy you give off while talking about your life back home in the us

Idk what it is w these boys and snacks but he loves eating american snacks with you

He genuinely enjoys them so much

Totally fucks w/ whatever music you listen to he probably enjoys it almost as much as you do

He's a bad teacher so don't count on him to actually be helpful with your Japanese but he tries 😭😭😭

Definitely translates for you when necessary tho

Like hello? U don't feel comfortable talking to a store clerk or asking someone for something? Dw bby Kami to the rescue

Anyways yall are just a fun lil duo and he loves your company a lot

#bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #deku x reader #midoriya x reader #shinsou x reader #kaminari x reader #denki kaminari x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki imagine #katsuki bakugou #todoroki shouto #bnha x reader #kaminari fluff #denki kaminari #bnha imagine #bnha imagines #bnha fanfic #ibbwrites

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rein-ette · 3 years

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Hi!

I was inspired by your asks, so I wanted to hear from you! What do you think of Canada as a country? I had a bit of a Canadian phase long ago and I tried to consume as much literature and history as I could, but reading about a place and living in it are very different experiences, so is there anything you'd like to share about Canada, about the culture or the people? Do you like living there? What are some of your favorites things? How do you survive the winters?

And also, as a character, what do you think of Matt?

(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

Aaaaaaaaah okay okay *ahem*

If you’re not here for a Ted talk the exit is to your left, have a great day!

I do love Canada very much! I was born and pretty much grew up here, and as I’ve grown older I’ve become more and more grateful for everything that my country has provided for me! I remember my history teacher in high school said once that by being born into the middle class and as a Canadian, you’ve already won the lottery of life. That was not to disparage other countries, but to remind us of how remarkably privileged we are and how much we take for granted.

One of the first things you hear when you ask people what does it mean to Canadian is the word “multicultural.” I find this word realllyyyyyy cringeyyyy and not really reflective of reality, but I suppose it’s a good starting point for more in depth discussion. People often say Canada is a “cultural melting pot”, but the indigenous poet Marilyn Dumont pointed out in her poems that in some ways it’s more of a mosaic — there are many cultures, but they don’t always meld together. To say it’s a melting pot is ignoring the fact that racism and discrimination certainly have and do still exist here.

But I would argue that in some areas it is a “melting pot”, even if I kinda hate that word. I prefer to think of where I live as cultural delta — a place where many mighty tributaries meet as they thunder into the sea. (It is also literally a delta, funnily enough) Here, I grew up absorbing Canadian ideas, studying British history, reading American literature, learning French — but I also grew up listening to Kpop, watching Ghibli, eating rice. When I meet up with friends, we don’t grab a coffee, we grab milk tea. If you ask people here where they would like to visit or live, they will most likely say New York, London, Hong Kong, or Seoul — which tells you a bit about both how powerful and diverse the cultural influences here are.

Perhaps the thing most indicative of Canada’s “multiculturalism” and what I am most grateful for, however, is that I grew up here without fear. I didn’t even know the words “chink” or other words existed until I could access the internet. Recently, the beatings of Asian immigrants in the UK and US brought this home for me — how lucky I am to have such a privileged childhood. And I know this kind of privilege is hard won; in my research of WW2 I found that one of the amusement parks that I used to frequent as a child was built on land that once housed a Japanese internment camp. How fragile our lives are!

But enough about the serious stuff. I can’t really answer your question about how to survive winters in Canada lol, except to say that where I am in Canada it is absolutely necessary everyone own at least 3-4 umbrellas. That’s because this side of the Rockies in BC, the temperatures are pretty mild year round — the coldest it gets is usually 0, and the hottest around 25. But, by god, it rains. I did go to Ottawa in the winter though, where it was -13 one day, but honestly? Everything below 0 feels pretty much the same. Once it gets that cold, you can’t even tell anymore. I wore a skirt and tights that day, with a good, thick winter coat. And I survived :D

Besides not being heckled on the street for being Asian, my favourite things about Canada are probably the amazing diversity of good food and how tremendously beautiful the wilderness here is. And I say this as someone who loses her mind when a mosquito flies past (ie. I am not a nature person). You can kinda tell from these photos here, but the trees and water and whatnot here, are like, real. Maybe I just find that amazing because I lived in Tianjin, but it just feels like this is a city built among the trees and the sky and water that was always here, and not a city where humans have brought in nature for our amusement.

Okay, gotta move on to your other questions or I’ll go on forever. As a state I think Canada does a fairly good job of providing for its own people, but I wish we had a greater global influence. A lot of youth especially express the view that Canada is kinda...boring if your career doesn’t have to do with, like, sports, nature, or medicine, and I would tend to agree. We have great universities, but as someone who studies international relations I often wish Canada would like? Do more? On the global scale. The only thing we really have under our name is the UN peacekeeping, which PM Pearson started after the Suez Canal Crisis. I mean, I’ve heard that many people abroad identify Canada with peace and like ofc I’m not complaining about that, but I just wish our history was a little spicier, ya know? We did kick Americas ass that one time in 1812 and that was amazing. No regrets.

So that brings me to Matt. A lot of Canada’s existence has just been dominated by trying to carve a way between the US and the British while not being swallowed by either. Britain gave us the protection and strength and diversification of identity to not be annexed by the US, but at the same time it hobbled Canada’s relation with our only neighbour. One of the very first treaties Canada negotiated alone, if I’m recalling correctly, was a trade contract with the US over fishing (?) in BC and Alaska, where London was like no you can’t and Canada was like uh we gotta make money too, bro. So yes, while I do believe Mattie is just a very loyal person in general, he was also loyal to the empire because he needed to survive. A lot of Canadian identity was solidified around our prompt assistance of England and the sacrifices made in the two world wars, especially the campaigns in the Low Countries and Italy. Essentially, Canada has historically differentiated itself from the US through its loyalty.

Uuuuh just realized that has nothing to do with my opinion of Matt. Um. I like him? He’s real best friend/big brother material, and I do hc him as far more cunning and capable than canon portrays him to be. However, sometimes he’s just...too nice. He doesn’t have that edge that England has that makes me wanna slap him tf up and sob and call him my baby at the same time. Also, as oumaheroes mentioned here, that kind of selflessness can get pretty toxic. After all, by consistently not voicing or examining your own needs, you make it incredibly and unnecessarily frustrating for the people who care about you to help you, and that creates a relationship just as one sided as one where the person is extremely selfish. Actually, now that I think about it, my biggest gripe with Mattie as a character and Canada as a country is in that word: selfless. Without self. Perhaps because Canada is still so young, but it feels a little lost, a little like it doesn’t know quite know yet why it exists.

TLDR: If you’re under 18 or over 60, Canada is the place to be. If, however, you’re like me and wish you could touch a building that’s over 150 years old and maybe visit a square somebody’s been guillotined in, perhaps try someplace else. Personally Portugal’s golden visa is lookin especially tempting lately

#I’m not on my laptop and I don’t know how to add a cut on my phone #so I’m really sorry if this takes up ur dash #I will fix this as soon as I get home #it’s reining again #thanks for indulging me needcake #ask #also rip i was gonna give book recommendations but tbh does Canada even have literature #I mean we do we DO but #uh have you tried Margaret Atwood? lmfao #i mostly read American and European lit and I feel kinda bad about that #Canadian history is...kinda dry tho idk #maybe it’s cuz I learned it in school

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trainsinanime · 3 years

Text

How to make a fake post

I just watched the excellent video by Sarah Z about fake made-up posts, i.e. screenshots of Tumblr posts that are clearly stupid made-up stories, except the screenshot itself is also fake. And that inspired me to do something I’ve wanted to do for a while: Make an illustrated tutorial on how to make a fake a screenshot of a tweet, Tumblr post or similar that are indistinguishable from real ones.

This works on desktop on any modern web browser, though the specific UI will look a bit different depending on which one you use.

Step 0 - if your web browser is Safari on Desktop

This step is not necessary if you’re using Firefox, Chrome, or something based on either (typically the latter) like Edge or Brave.

Open the preferences.

[Image description: Screenshot of Safari app menu open on macOS with the “Preferences…” item highlighted]

Go to “Advanced” (the last tab) and at the very bottom, make sure that “Show Develop menu in menu bar” is selected.

[Image description: Screenshot of Safari preferences window on the “Advanced” tab; the last item, a checkbox saying “Show Develop menu in menu bar”, is selected.]

Step 1 - Open an example post

I’m going to fake a tweet by myself, which you can find here: https://twitter.com/zcochrane/status/1406004939810295808

The specific tweet is irrelevant; this one is about programming and complains about how SwiftUI, a technology for developing Mac apps, is full of issues. It’s easiest to choose one that doesn’t have any hashtags.

Step 2 - Drill down

Now, right-click on the text of the tweet, and select “inspect element” or whatever menu item in your browser sounds the most like that.

[Image description: Screenshot of a random tweet by twitter user zcochrane (aka me); a word is highlighted, and a context menu is open, with the item “Inspect Element” highlighted]

This isn’t to give anyone ideas; you can assume that all the worst people on the internet already know this. That is really the key. I want to destroy your trust in screenshots of posts, especially screenshots of very weird and outlandish posts. (Note also that this isn’t the only way to do this, and it only works on desktop, but it illustrates how easy it is).

On the bottom or the side of the window, a new, complicated view will open that shows you the inner workings of the web page. You can do a lot of fun stuff here, but we don’t need a lot for our purposes.

[Image: Screenshot of a Safari window showing the same tweet, now with a blue box is lying over the text, and the bottom half of the window has a complex view of details about the text in that box and its place in the site’s internal structure.]

The important thing is the tree view on the left. If you can’t see the text of the tweet in there, click the disclosure triangle next to whatever thing is highlighted there. This should show the text directly.

[Image: Screenshot of a tree view showing various HTML elements. They are all expanded. The inner-most item is just the text of the tweet from above.]

Step 3 - Change it

Now you can just double-click on that text and enter something new.

[Image: Screenshot of the same tree view, now wider (don’t know why the window just jumped around on me). In place of the static text from last time is now a text entry box containing the words “It is impossible to fake screenshots of tweets.”]

Once you press enter or the focus moves somewhere else, the text on the website will change.

Step 4 - Take a screenshot

[Image: Screenshot of a tweet, the same one we’ve had the entire time with the same user and date, but it now says “It is impossible to fake screenshots of tweets.”]

And that’s it! If you want to do something with multiple paragraphs like your average Tumblr post, then you probably need to know a little HTML, but it’s not that hard.

For better results, you can also use the same technique to fake the time and date when the post was made, so it looks like the post was deleted - though honestly, that’s probably not worth the time and effort. And you can, of course, also change the number of likes and retweets, or for Tumblr posts, the number of notes, and other information like the user names and so on to fit whatever narrative you want to tell.

What makes this particular technique so useful is that you cannot compare pixels or whatever to prove a tweet is fake. The pixels that the screenshot grabs get generated in exactly the same way as for the real tweet. Proving that this tweet is fake is somewhere between difficult and completely impossible.

The point

This may seem like dangerous secret knowledge to some, maybe. But it’s really not that difficult, and you can assume that everyone who has more than a passing knowledge of web development (and that is a lot of people) can figure this out if they want to. (And if you’re into web development but didn’t know this yet, try it out, it’s super useful!)

In particular, you can safely assume that all the worst people in the world already know this trick and others like it. What this means is that every single screenshot ever is suspicious. Did that post really exist? There is genuinely no way of knowing, unless you find the actual post in question.

That means if you see a particularly stupid post, or a particularly offensive one, by someone you respect, or by someone you hate, or by just anyone in general, then you must always assume that it’s very possibly fake. It takes maybe ten seconds more to create a fake screenshot than to create a real one.

Not all screenshots are fake, and sometimes screenshots are the only source for something because the original was deleted, but all screenshots might be fake, and so you should tread very carefully when one is involved.

There is also an inverse to that: If you want to share a post or a tweet somewhere that you know is real, you should always include a link to the original (and also an image description for people using screen readers). If it’s a good post, it allows people to leave the hearts and stars where they belong; if not (or if that’s debatable), it provides the context and proves that the post is, in fact, real.

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misterbitches · 3 years

Text

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough.

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls.

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated.

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences. especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks.

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well.

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;)

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

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ankhashiva · 3 years

Text

War Of Souls Chapter 16

Heya! ~Yes.It’s here.After a year of this damned writers block.And of course I’m posting it right now, freshly made and translated.I hope you’ll appreciate it!If you like my Julius Novachrono x OC fanfic, please share, like and comment, it means a lot 🥰 War Of Souls: Synopsis: Two worlds, two sides of the same coin and an enemy wanting to destroy them. It was by wanting to protect the Earth from this enemy that she found herself projected into this other world, gravely wounded, in the Clover Kingdom. A man, whom she took for an angel, saved her life. But what she didn't know is that she should save his in turn. Because the enemy doesn’t just want these two worlds. He also resents these two people who, together, could change fate itself.This story starts a few days before Asta joining the Black Bulls. War Of Souls Chapter 16 : Nightmares and Reality - HERE CW: Angst, lots of sadness, mental torture, LOTS OF FLUFF BE WARNED OMGGGGG WHAT HAVE I DONE???

Previously It is your feelings that give you this mission. Do not reject them.

"I don’t reject them. I just intend to... lock them up if necessary."

It’s a programmed leak.

"It's not you who live with voices in the head. If I don't make this stone, madness will carry me away before."

We are you. And you are us.

"I am Katerina Bella. I am myself, I never wanted to be more."

You have no choice, neither have we.

"That’s why I’m doing this fucking rock. 'Cause I’ve never had a fucking choice."

This is not the way to go. You’re going to hurt more people than you’re going to save.

"It is not up to you to decide. I WILL TRACE MY LIFE AND SAVE JULIUS!"

My fist clenches and plunges into the workbench, breaking it in half. The cut stones roll to the ground, the pain in my knuckles is sharp, the blood beads on the broken wood. I slide down on my knees, exhausted. I put the amethyst around my neck, the cold chain contrasting with my burning skin. I feel my mana calm. I sigh, relieved. My gaze is on pink quartz, polished to perfection in a sphere the size of an orange.

"If I have to seal my heart to save the ones I love, I will do it without hesitation. No one will steal my most precious thing anymore. I will succeed where you failed, ladies. I will succeed where I failed, for lack of guts."

If I am to become... No. To become again the monstrous goddess that I was, I will. But first of all...

The Underworld is waiting for me.

???

Six months.

Six months since my return to Earth, to my home world.

Six months, during which my time stopped. Since Julius' death in Clover. Where Patri gave him the fatal blow, aided by William Vengeance's betrayal.

And where I was forcibly sent home, while the man I love was breathing his last breath.

It ruined my life.

I couldn’t save him, let alone say goodbye.

So I took refuge with my mother and father-in-law, temporarily moving in with them in Lorraine. I found a normal human life there, returning to work as a perfumery consultant in a large company.

I did not want to fall into a daily "metro-work-bed" but, pushed by my mother, worried very much for my mental health, I gave in after a month. I couldn’t, and I still can’t go back to Clover on my own. My powers aren’t strong enough to cross worlds. Aether is missing, there is only Eros and his wife Daphne who are thirty kilometers from my home, to visit me often and to invite me to endless drinking.

The first month of my return, I don’t really remember much of it. The only thing that resonated in my skull was the perpetual hangover that I felt when I drowned my grief in ambrosia, and the echo of Julius' sweet voice.

Drunken parties followed one after the other, my best friend Erika holding my hair when I puked my guts in the bathroom, Daphne handing me water bottles so I wouldn’t die dehydrated.

Even though dying has become a luxury for me ever since I totally became a goddess again. A goddess unable to save the man she loves.

Chronos had won.

I had lost everything.

But what everyone was unaware of, except Eros and Daphne, is that at the end of this month, I had used my pink quartz orb to enclose my emotions. All of my emotions.

All my emotions and feelings related to Julius, sealed in a crystal that I had polished and enchanted myself after my arrival in Clover.

If I had done this sooner, could I have saved him?

That’s a question I probably would never have an answer to. Monday, January 4, 2021

Open the store. Open the cash registers, launch the cashing program, receive the re-supply of the shelves. Prepare online orders. Greet co-workers who arrive one by one. Advise customers, sell them items. Take the lunch break, smoke cigarettes on cigarettes. Look at the pictures on my phone, those of Clover. Smoking cigarettes again on cigarettes. Falling into a picture with Julius. Looking at him calmly, without emotions. Smoking a last cigarette.

Perfume yourself, go back to work.

Counting the register, closing the perfumery. Walking in the city to reach the car, music in the earpieces. Smell the scent of black musk and sandalwood. Stop walking, turn around to find the origin of this unforgettable fragrance. But not find anything. Tu-dum

Get back on the road after a moment of doubt. Enter the car, turn on the engine, drive home. Parking in the garage next to my stepdad’s car, Steve.

Go home, kiss my mom on the cheek, fist bump with Steve. Take a shower, think about the smell after work.

Tu-dum

Sit on the couch, drink the aperitif with my family. Dinner, clear the table, go to my room. Being attacked by my two cats, Leo and JoJo. Let them sit on my legs, hidden under the blanket.

10pm

My phone is ringing.

Unknown number.

Do not answer.

Put the phone in "airplane" mode. Activate my alarm clock, fall asleep watching Steins Gate. Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Perfume yourself, go back to work.

Counting the register, closing the perfumery. Walking in the city to reach the car, music in the earpieces.

Feel the scent of black musk and sandalwood again. Stop walking, turn around to find the origin of this nostalgic fragrance. But not find anything.

Tu-dum Get back on the road after another moment of doubt. Enter the car, turn on the engine, drive home. Parking in the garage next to my stepdad’s car, Steve.

Go home, kiss my mom on the cheek, fist bump with Steve. Take a shower, think about the scent after work.

Sit on the couch, drink the aperitif with my family. Dinner, clear the table, go to my room. Being attacked by my two cats, Leo and JoJo. Let them sit on my legs, hidden under the blanket.

10pm

My phone is ringing.

Unknown number, like yesterday.

Do not answer.

Put the phone in "airplane" mode. Activate my alarm clock, fall asleep before the end of the Steins Gate season. Wednesday 13 January 2021

Open the store. Open the cash registers, launch the cashing program, receive the re-supply of the shelves. Prepare online orders. Greet co-workers who arrive one by one. Advise customers, sell them items. Take the lunch break, smoke cigarettes on cigarettes. Watch the videos on my phone, taken in Clover. Smile calmly, the heart still empty.

Perfume yourself, go back to work.

Counting the register, closing the perfumery. Walking in the city to reach the car, music in the earpieces.

For the umpteenth time, smell the scent of black musk and sandalwood. Stop walking, turn around to find the origin of this unforgettable fragrance. But find nothing, as usual. Tu-dum

Going back on the road, there is no place for doubt when madness has clearly insinuated itself in my mind. Enter the car, turn on the engine, drive home. Park in the garage, next to Steve’s car.

Go home, kiss my mom on the cheek, check in on Steve. Take a shower, think about the scent after work.

Sit on the couch, drink the aperitif with my family. Dinner, clear the table, go to my room. Being attacked by my two cats, Leo and JoJo. Let them sit on my legs, hidden under the blanket.

10pm

My phone rings, always at the same time.

The same unknown number, who never leaves a message.

Do not answer.

Put the phone in "airplane" mode. Activate my alarm clock, fall asleep in front of Steins Gate 0. Saturday 16 January 2021

Wake up without waking up. Pick up the phone, see a missed call.

It’s 10:30 in the morning.

Drinking coffee with the family. Eating an almond croissant. Take a shower, get ready, go to Luxembourg with Erika to buy alcohol and cigarettes for the evening at Eros and Daphne.

Go home to Erika, get on her 31, go to the mythical couple at 7pm sharp.

Being greeted by Daphne, always so stunning. Go into the living room, filled with familiar faces. Eros, my cousin James, Uncle Hades, my favorite cousin Persephone. Damien.

Ignore Damien.

Head for the buffet.

An appetizer for dinner.

Eat a few snacks, go to a contest of the biggest drinker with the girls.

Win the said contest.

To be completely drunk.

Smoking marijuana joints, being completely off the grid.

Isolate myself in the veranda to catch my breath. 10pm

My phone is ringing

I can’t stand it.

I pick up the phone. I’m about to scream, but a soft voice is ahead of me.

I recognize it.

Tu-dum

"After more than a week, you finally decide to pick up your phone. It’s a long time coming."

Tu-dum

I hold my hand before my mouth, trembling like a leaf. My knees slip away, I slide to the ground.

I feel the scent of black musk and sandalwood filling my lungs.

Tu-dum

My heart is contracting painfully.

"Breathe... I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you, baby." The bile settles in my throat. I swallow, then I manage to articulate gently.

"I saw you die... the dead cannot call the living..."

A little silence ensues. I must hallucinate. It must be that.

"Turn around and tell me what you see."

I obey mechanically, pivoting towards the bay window.

My vision is blurring.

White, red, gold and purple.

The colorful figure approaches me.

Tears leak from my eyes, my heart contracts painfully after more than five months of hibernation.

My phone slips from my right hand and falls heavily to the ground. A warm and familiar hand rests on my cheek, the thumb caressing the beading tear on the skin. The gold becomes a golden wheat mane by the sun, the violet glitters like an amethyst in the moonlight.

The shape is defined at the same time as my breath is blown.

The face that I missed the most in this world as in the other one finally appears to me and I can no longer rationalize my thoughts, already clouded by drugs of all kinds.

But this face so soft, so strong, so familiar smiles at me.

And the only thing I can do is throw myself into his arms. "Julius..."

I repeat his name again and again, like a litany, a prayer, a vow, to anchor this moment in reality.

His embrace tightens, his right hand on my neck, the other on my waist.

Then, after long minutes sitting on the ground, I step back to look him in the eyes.

Heterocromia eyes staring at his eyes holding the galaxy, the universe, in a purple hue.

Tu-dum

My thumb caresses his lower lip, fleshy and soft like a ripe apricot. A wave of well-being overwhelms my heart whose time had stopped. I desire only one thing, to embrace him with all my soul, with all my being.

Julius perceives this desire, his eyes glow brightly and his smile widens.

His hand takes mine, he kisses it. "It will have to wait, my Princess. You don’t belong here."

My trance breaks after he utters this strange sentence. Before my perplexed face, he continues.

"Nothing is a foregone conclusion. Not even this reality. Get out of this prison now. Get up and get out of this house. I opened a path for you."

"But... Julius..."

Julius helps me up and heads for the living room.

"Chronos holds you prisoner. Get out. Ignore the people here. They are illusions. Even I am one."

I look at him one last time, the incomprehension in me. But I obey him. I begin to run towards the crowded living room of my friends... Illusions from my friends. Damien tries to grab my arm, I get rid of his hold. Then Erika tries to hug me but I flee again. I run again, reaching the entrance. I open the door, a blinding blue light floods the darkness. I rush into it.

I'm finally breathing.

116

Tuesday 17 September 2019, during the night

Somewhere in the underworld

Eros felt the Aether's magic fluctuate. It had been more than two hours since the Primordial God had entered the psychic prison in which Katerina was in and he was trying to save her. And as the Primordial God of Love, Eros lent a strong hand to his favorite couple... Or at least, future favorite couple. These two have an extraordinary temporality, the labels are not enough to describe them.

The blue sphere protecting Aether disintegrated and the man landed on his feet, exhausted. Eros rushed towards him, holding him with an arm behind his back. The God of Love sat the masked God on the bench, who took off his mask in order to breathe properly. "Did the Primordial God of Time manage to get his sweet and stubborn half out of this nameless mess?" Ask Eros, already knowing the answer. His pale pink eyes stared at the tall blond, who turned his lavender eyes towards him.

"It took me a few months in that time prison, but yes, I managed to free her."

Eros laughed warmly, tapping on Aether's back. He then handed him a cup of an orange drink that the God of Time swallowed with a blow.

"After that, if Katerina doesn’t understand who you are, I will feel compelled to parade around Clover completely naked, a sign in my hand saying TAKE OFF AETHER'S MASK YOU STUPID GODDESS!" Aether, perked up by the divine drink, leaned his back against the bench, pensive.

"I have already broken some dozens of time travel laws to redirect Katerina to a less bleak future. Her making that quartz sphere was somewhere a chance and a premature act, it created a time fixed point into which I could intrude."

"But in which Chronos could also interfere, and imprison her."

Aether nodded, the features of his face pulling as he thought of Chronos.

"Right. In this life... Kat is literally freewheeling. Her actions are almost unpredictable. I only see them a few days in advance, whereas before I could predict them up to a year in advance depending on gravity. Having created this sphere months before its initial creation disrupted the course of time and of course, Chronos felt it. He took advantage of her weakness to imprison her in her sleep and change her memories. It’s a low blow." Eros replied immediately.

"A low blow that could very well add oil to the blaze that consumes Katerina. She is the Phoenix, even human, every ordeal she has undergone has drastically made her evolve. I wonder how she will react when she wakes up."

Aether scratched his chin, thinking.

"We are at a time crossroads. Knowing her character, she can very well run away for days to put her ideas in order. This time, I can’t predict exactly what his next actions will be. '

Daphne, who listened to the conversation in the distance, joined the two men, with food in hand. Eros and Aether served in the bowl of fresh fruit. "Personally, and knowing Katerina differently from you, I rather think that she will join Julius, kiss him, and then run away for a few days out of shame for having just kissed the man she loves and who she had silently promised to maintain a certain distance." Daphne said, sitting on her husband’s lap.

Eros laughs while imagining the scene.

"You should replace Apollo as an oracle, my dear Nymph." "I have already married one god, I do not intend to replace another." Retorted the interested one.

A slight smile appeared on the face of the Primordial God of Time.

Tuesday 17 September 05h

Tartarus In this part of the Underworld, imprisoning the greatest criminals and threats of the magical world, resounded a guttural cry full of hatred. The deep pit keeping the evil Titan trembled at the echoes provoked by his rage. The seal resisted the attack on his aura, alerting his jailers.

Hades appeared above Chronos' prison, an apparent mocking smile.

The God of Hell felt satisfied. Proud of his niece Rhea-Tayet, Katerina.

Proud of Aether.

The two beings capable of putting his father Titan out of his hinges.

But above all, out of harm’s way.

A small hand caressed his short snow-coloured hair. Hades turned around and saw his wife, Persephone, floating at his height. He wrapped a lock of her pink fleece on his finger.

"Soon... things will soon be better for them." Whispers Hades, hasty.

"I hope so. They deserve to be happy at last." Persephone replied, loud enough for her crystalline voice to reach Chronos.

07am

My eyes open in a heartbeat. I am dripping with sweat, my breath is erratic. I look at my phone and realize several things.

First of all, I’m still in Clover.

Secondly, it was only a few hours between my return home, my nervous breakdown in my father’s workshop and now.

Thirdly, this vision that I had.... This mental prison.... It was so realistic that I thought it was real. My reality.

Julius was dead. Killed by the captain of the Golden Dawn, who harbored an elf soul. I had returned to Earth in the same way I had arrived here, without warning. Chronos had defeated us. I leave my bed to take a shower, disoriented and the heart bruised. Everything around me seems to me attenuated, my brain is numb. My head hurts, and the weight of my wet hair doesn’t help. It seems that I unconsciously used my magic again during my sleep, my hair reaches my buttocks.

I dry myself, put on black jogging pants and a tee-shirt of the same color, put on my grey sneakers and run out of the house, passing in front of Papa in the kitchen, drinking his coffee.

I need to see Julius.

This sentence resonates in my head over and over again as I run into the nature slowly waking up, my lungs put to the test. I take an impulse to the ground and fly in the morning sky, towards the Castle.

I scan the cloister leading to the floor where Julius' office is and my heart misses a leap. Julius

He’s here... he’s really here...

I begin my descent to the cloister he is about to leave and, in a fiery volute, touches the ground, just a few metres from him.

The tall blond smiles at me and astonishment appears before my bewildered face.

I try to catch my breath, my rib cage in full effort, moving fast. The sounds are blocked in my throat.

Julius... you’re alive. you’re really alive. My gasping calms as the eyes of the Wizard King seek an answer in mine.

My body’s not responding.

And for once, I agree with my other two inner voices.

My right leg goes forward, then the left. One step at a time.

Then, my right hand grabs the white fur collar adorning Julius' cape. The left slips on his neck.

I feel the tension in his muscles, the surprise permeating them.

Time stops around us. I stand on my toes and, without understanding what I am doing, slip my lips over his, in a sweet kiss.

He doesn't repel me, though momentarily paralyzed by stupefaction, and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

The kiss becomes urgent, I dominate the dance, desperate, in a primary need to be reassured. My embrace tightens, his lips open, allowing me silently to pursue this unexpected kiss.

Our tongues dance harmoniously together, timidly then intensely. Everything seems right. Normal. Destined.

He tastes so sweet.

Addictive.

The only drug I need.

Time stops around us.

But it’s back in my heart.

#Black Clover #black clover fanfiction #black clover fanfic #julius novachrono #julius novachrono x reader #julius novachrono x oc #katerina bellafotia #oc

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tobin-heaths · 5 years

Text

Not the best day

plot: Getting a red card wasn’t your plan for the game but could anybody blame you? Or with other words, you’re having a bad day

pairing: Alex Morgan x Reader

words: 2214

"Rise and shine!" Cold water was thrown into your peaceful face and it had you jumping awake with a surprised scream. The bedcovers were a mess around the lower half of your body as you threw them off and jumped out of the plush bed.

Loud and uncontrollable laughter could be heard all around you as Sonny's phone was shoved into your face, obviously recording whatever was going on.

"Oh my god! What on earth are you guys doing? Do you know what time it is?" You screamed at the pranksters. Among them were Ash, Sonny, Mal and Rose.

Ash was almost laying on the floor, holding her stomach from laughing but you couldn't laugh about it at all.

They decided to do this two hours before your alarm clock would ring and therefore robbed you off precious beauty sleep.

"Out! Everyone of you! Fuck off, guys! That one time Dawn let's me sleep a little longer you decide to ruin it? Nah, out of my sight!" You shooed them all out of the room.

Arriving at breakfast, after a long hot shower, your gaze fell onto the group that had terrorized you earlier. You immediately walked into the opposite direction with a mean glare.

But what pissed you off the most was that the night before you weren't able to share the room with your girlfriend. Instead you both were put into different hotel rooms and you ended up sharing your room with no other than Emily Sonnett, surprise surprise.

"People need their good night rests, nobody wants to be woken at one in the morning because the two of you are having a go at it." Jill had tried to explain the situation to you.

You looked around the room trying to spot a certain brunette but neither Alex nor her roommate Kelley were there which worsened your mood.

Once the team made it to the arena it was a lost case, somehow the shenanigans continued and you were close to snapping for a second time.

Normally, you loved pulling pranks on others especially with Sonny or Lindsey but today neither of them seemed to understand your need for personal space. You had a bad day and their actions weren't helping.

"Okay, where the fuck are my cleats? I swear to god, when I find the one who hid them from me!" Invisible steam was coming out of your ears as you stormed into the locker room.

Several pairs of eyes landed on your angry form standing in the doorway. Your fists were clenched.

"Cleats? Has anyone seen a pair of cleats? Hello, 911, we're missing a pair of cleats." Emily high-fived Lindsey, both of them laughing. Of course it was them.

On any other occasion you would have high-fived them as well not able to contain your laughter but you took it way too personal this time.

"Sonnett, I will not hesitate to slap you right here." Her eyes widened as you took a step forward ready to go off as a few 'woahs' could be heard throughout the room.

"Y/N, calm down. Alright guys, that's enough now. Where are her cleats?" Megan appeared behind you and took ahold of your arms.

You were thankful for the support you got from her, she was like your second mom and best friend, both of you having played at Seattle Reign for years.

"Sonnett, from now on until game starts I want you two feet away from my girlfriend, got it?" Alex appeared behind you and everybody shut up watching with interest.

You looked over to the blonde and saw her nodding her head in a fast motion as if she really felt threatened by Alex' words.

Her arms pulled you into her sturdy body and held you tight. You sighed and relaxed your muscles, finally feeling complete. Eager lips met yours in a welcome kiss.

The rest of the players continued getting dressed and ready for warmup, not really minding the display of affection, if that was what could help you calming down it was much appreciated.

"I missed you, baby." She said stroking your hair with one hand.

"I missed you so much more. Where were you this morning? I've been through hell, I just needed you." You buried your face into her neck and breathed in her scent.

"I know, babe, we'll talk later, okay? Let's get ready to kick some ass. We're here to win a World Cup after all." She winked and pushed you towards your locker and now returned cleats.

Sonny did keep her distance until it was time to get onto the field and you were grateful for that, thank god, no more pranks.

Today's group stage match was against Chile and you were still motivated after the big win against Thailand five days prior where you scored three of thirteen goals yourself.

You thought maybe your mood could finally switch to a good and relaxed one but the game made you think otherwise.

You were fouled so many times you couldn't keep track of it. Your white jersey, shorts and socks were stained with dirt and grass from all the sliding and falling. But that didn't stop you from fouling either, receiving a yellow card for a bad tackle yourself.

In the 11th and 35th minute you rewarded yourself with two goals and even Julie managed to score in the 26th minute. Your team was going strong and had no interest in stepping of the gas pedal.

It went on like that until the 88th minute, the score still 3:0 for your team, when you were once again fouled before you could attempt to shoot at the goal.

A Chilean defender tried to take the ball from you by slide tackling you. Her feet had grazed your ankle instead of the ball and you landed on your ass just outside of the penalty area.

The ref pointed a yellow card at the defender. How was that fair, that's a red at least! She had been fouling you all evening now. Ignoring the slight sting in your ankle you stood up and went face to face with the defender.

"What the fuck? Huh? What are you doing going for my ankle like that?" You yelled at her.

"I'm only doing my job, can't handle that? Then esconderse destras de la espalda de tu novia!" She yelled back at you. The Spanish part really triggered you.

You ignored the warnings from the ref or the shouts from the players surrounding you guys. Everyone was either arguing or trying to pull another away.

So what did you do? With your face as red as a tomato, clearly more than exhausted, you grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back. You followed her and pressed your forehead to hers.

The whistle was blown and arms belonging to Ali Krieger wrapped around your waist and lifted you away from the Chilean players. Out of the corner of your eye you could see an angry Alex arguing with the ref.

"Y/L/N, that's a red for you. Leave the field immediately!" The ref came running over to you with your second yellow card before holding up the red one.

You scoffed, broke free of Ali's grip and stormed off the field, ignoring your teammates and girlfriend. Jill was already furious on the sideline, everybody seemed to be yelling at you.

You ignored Jill and went straight for the locker room, not granting anybody sitting on that bench another look.

It was only two more minutes and a few for added time and then the game would be over, you scored two goals, Jill can calm her ass down. Sure, you'd be missing the next game against Sweden but that wasn't on your mind now.

The door to the locker room met the wall with a loud bang before you closed it with much more force than necessary.

Taking off your shorts you replaced it with your blue training shorts and pulled off the blue socks. Your ankle wasn't hurting that much, it wasn't swollen nor bruised so that's a good sign.

Nothing an ice pack or Dawn couldn't fix.

You finished changing and sat down in shame. That's a wrap with trying to give your jersey to fans today. Tears were close to falling but you wiped them away, anger and frustration once again taking over.

The door opened and you saw all the girls strolling in, happy smiles on their sweaty faces. How could they not smile? They just won a game and did an excellent job.

Taking out your headphones you counted the seconds until Jill would be all up your face.

"Y/N! You and me will have a detailed talk about that stunt later in the evening, be sure of that!" You winced upon hearing her angry tone, not able to meet her eyes.

Arriving at the hotel you waited in the lobby for said woman while the others, including your girlfriend, went for their rooms to take showers.

"We better get it over and done with now and then you're dismissed for the evening, alright?" Jill asked. Dawn was also there taking some notes on her tablet.

"Sure, let's do this." You mumbled and followed them into a small conference room. Tony was the last to join the session.

Well, three's a crowd and four's a party, no?

"Have a seat. What was going on today? You've been tense since the morning all throughout warm up and then pushing another player like that?" Jill looked at you with concern.

"It's been a hard day, can't lie about that. But I gave 100 percent on the field, you can't take that from me. Whatever happened with that player was a mistake. I know it was uncalled for and I'm ready to face the consequences." You said honestly.

"Lucky for you there won't be any legal consequences. But you will be missing the game against Sweden, which is a loss but we can handle it." Tony finished the sentence and you remained silent.

"Nonetheless you did an excellent job out on the field and the team and fans know that, nobody is mad. Stuff happens." Jill smiled.

"How's your ankle?" Dawn asked.

"Might need an ice pack but it's nothing serious."

"I'll have someone check it to make sure. Can't have you risking an injury before the important games."

True to that some medics appeared in the room and as their speech went on your ankle was checked. Nothing was wrong or damaged, everyone letting out relieved breaths.

"Take a shower, eat and cool that ankle. You're up for bed rest now. I want you back to full energy tomorrow. Oh, and Jill made sure that Alex and you are back in one room." Dawn said.

Both women dismissed you afterwards and you walked to the elevators. This went better than expected and you finally get to see Alex and spend the rest of the evening with her.

You swiped your hotel card and opened the door. You recognized Kelley, Ali, Alex and Megan sitting on the beds with their phones out.

"There she is. How's your ankle?" Megan smiled upon seeing you.

"My ankle is fine. Dawn told me to cool and rest it, they'll have another look tomorrow morning."

Dropping your bag at the door you went over to Alex and fell down into her lap. Her arms slung around your waist and pulled you into her.

"No, I will not take an ice bath today. I just want to shower and rest with my girlfriend." Before Megan could open her mouth you interrupted her.

"Alright, just for today I'll make sure Carli won't be dragging you out of here, can't promise anything but I'll try. We'll have a talk about that red card another day but for now– let's go guys." Nodding towards Kelley and Ali they stood up, saying their goodbyes and quietly leaving the room.

"I'm sorry." You sighed and turned around so you could face her.

"For what?" Alex looked concerned and held your hands.

"For being such an asshole. Letting the team down like that and missing the next game. I just felt so helpless and frustrated."

One of Alex' fingers wiped a tear from your cheek and gently kissed your lips.

"I'm not mad at that, you know that. I'm not mad at all, nobody is in fact. I did speak to Ash and Sonnett, they're sorry for not noticing your mood. And that red card? We've all been there at least once, it happens, baby." Her arms pulled you down so that you laid on top of her.

"I'm covered in dried sweat and mud. Let me at least shower and then we can cuddle, please?" You tried to get away but her arms are made of iron. How is Alex so strong, damn.

"Five more minutes. I just want to hold you right now. Haven't been able to all day. Then you can shower and I'll get the ice pack for you. Dinner is up in 30 minutes, so we better hurry."

You looked down at her angelic face and caressed her cheeks with your thumbs.

"I love you so much, Alex." Leaning down you connected your lips for a much longer kiss.

"I love you just as much, Y/N." Alex could never get tired of hearing you say that.

#alex morgan imagines #alex morgan #uswnt #uswnt imagines

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saiilorstars · 4 years

Text

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 18: Secrets Behind

// Previous Chapters //

Fandom: Law & Order SVU

Pairing: Rafael Barba x Original female character

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ` 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: Olivia pushes Montserrat to come forwards, but the detective refuses...so Olivia does the next best thing. Meanwhile, Rafael unintentionally discovers what Montserrat plans to do in regards to her position at SVU.

"Soo...someone found out," Montserrat cut straight to the point once her therapy session started.

Dr. Weslin was surprised at first until she realized Montserrat hadn't chosen to disclose. "What happened?"

"I tried being supportive but it backfired on account of my weakness and my incredibly intelligent sergeant," Montserrat drew in a deep breath which she exhaled in the very next second. "I mean, really, did I think I would be able to hide it from Olivia Benson? A cop who's worked for more than 10 years as a Special Victims detective? Ha!"

Montserrat leaned against the leather couch and looked to the side. Her mind raced with the memory of Olivia's confrontation. It wasn't so much a confrontation than it was a questionnaire. As it was Olivia's nature, she wanted to find out what happened and how to make things good.

"When did it happen?"

"Last year. I was on the job, undercover, and he caught me off guard," Montserrat couldn't find it in her to face Olivia. Her eyes kept darting to the side each time she attempted to meet Olivia's gaze.

"Did you tell anyone?" Even without looking at her, Montserrat knew Olivia wasn't staring in a pitiful manner, she was trying to help as was her nature.

Montserrat shifted on her couch. "Only a few. Just...just the necessary people. My Lieutenant, my doctor's...and Casey."

The last bit made Olivia pause for a second. "Casey? And she didn't encourage you to come forwards?"

"I told her no," Montserrat clarified before Olivia got any ideas. "I talked with my Lieutenant and...we both agreed that the undercover mission was too important to ruin."

"Ruin?" repeated Olivia with wide-eyes. "Is this the same Detective Novak I'm talking to? Did you both agree to that or did your lieutenant make you agree?"

Montserrat bit her lower lip as if it were chewing gum. "My Lieutenant reminded me it had been a 3 year operation. My accusation would abruptly end it and we wouldn't have caught Hallie D'Amico."

The name was a well known one considering D'Amico was famous for her drug empire.

"Did he at least come down with a drug charge?" Olivia asked, hoping there was at least some retribution for what that man did.

But Montserrat shook her head. "Most of the operation was based on Hallie, and a lot of her men went down with her...but he didn't. I don't know how he did it, but he escaped. We don't know where he is now. He hasn't resurfaced since last year."

"Montserrat…"

"Please don't," Montserrat shook her head, gaze falling again. "I don't want to keep talking."

It was at that moment that Montserrat realized she wasn't ready for an anonymous group. She didn't feel capable of sharing that horrible moment with anyone else. "That was last week and so far Olivia's still insisting I press charges against him."

"And, if given the opportunity, would you consider it?" Dr. Weslin asked.

Montserrat wanted to think about it, but the more she did the ickier she felt. It may have been ridiculous, or maybe not, but it was just the way her body reacted. "Any thought about...him...makes it hard. If I press charges then everyone will know, and everyone will ask questions...I'll have to relive everything again. And it might be for nothing since no one knows where he is."

"Would things be different if his location were known? Or if he was already in custody for the drug charges?"

Montserrat scrunched her face, bringing her hands to cover herself. "I don't know," she answered tiredly. "I just don't know."

~ 0 ~

"...I've got it set up, trust me…"

As Montserrat neared the bullpen, she could hear Kara's voice carrying out. It was rare of Kara to make a visit at work, so when Montserrat walked in and found Kara at Sonny's desk the world made sense again. She'd come for Sonny, not Montserrat.

In retrospect, Montserrat thought she should've seen it coming. They were basically dating, as annoying it was.

"Montserrat!" Kara jumped from the edge of Sonny's desk, looking far too startled for her.

"Hey, what's going on?" Montserrat pulled her jacket off and draped it over the back of her desk chair.

"Nothing!" Kara said too quick.

Dammit. Montserrat believed she knew why Kara had dropped by in the middle of the day.

"I should go," Kara said, swiping her purse off Sonny's desk. "See you later," she said to the two detectives before making a quick-paced exit.

Montserrat dropped into her chair with a weary sigh. "Sonny, for the love of God, make her stop all of her birthday party plans."

"What?" Sonny raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised she knew of their plans. "How did you-"

"-don't insult my intelligence, Carisi," Montserrat warned. "Just tell her I don't want it. I thank her for it but I don't want to celebrate anything this year."

"Oh c'mon, you're turning 30 and I know that might not sound appealing but-"

"-it's not the age," Montserrat stopped him. She sighed again. No one understood why she didn't want anything to do with her birthday this year, and she couldn't tell them why. "I just don't want it. So please, make her stop."

"Why don't you just tell her yourself?" Sonny offered the only alternative that wouldn't end with his own head.

"Because she won't listen to me!"

"I'm-"

"Novak," Olivia called as soon as she walked into the bullpen, "My office." She went straight for her office without glancing back at any of her detectives.

Montserrat fiddled with a pen on her desk for a few seconds while the others kept staring at her. Eventually, she let the pen drop and looked up. "What? Is this high school now?"

"You better gooo," Nick's teasing voice helped no one.

Montserrat got up from her chair and walked towards Olivia's office. She promptly shut the door and turned to face her Sergeant.

"Have you given any thought of what we talked about?" Olivia went straight for the point.

Montserrat sighed and gave a shake of her head. "My answer is still no. It's buried and there's no point in bringing it back."

"But there is still something we can do," Olivia persisted. She got up from her seat and moved around the desk. "You did everything right, meaning you can still press charges."

"And do what?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow. "You're not listening, Olivia, he's not here anymore. He could be off in Brazil for all I know. I'm not putting myself through that."

"I understand that, but I just want to help you-"

"-if you want to help me, then stop that damn birthday party from happening!" Montserrat gestured to the bullpen as of Olivia would know. "Otherwise, just leave it. I'm tormented enough."

"Montse-" Olivia called but the detective was already out the door. Olivia walked towards her open door and closed it again. She turned to her desk and remained still while she thought of some things. Eventually, she got an idea. Whether or not it was a good one, she wouldn't know until she did it.

~0~

It was late at night when SVU got a call. Nearly 3 am saw Olivia and reporter Jimmy MacArthur arrive at the scene. Police sirens flashed in the night, reflecting off the bright yellow tape sealing the street off.

"Couple of tourists walking along said they heard moaning from the other side of that wall around 2:00 A.M," Fin walked Olivia down the park, stopping by a cemented wall. "The vic is Heba Salim, 24, clothes muddy and torn, scratches on her face, bruising on her body."

"You get a statement?"

"Novak and Amaro are doing it right now," Amanda walked towards them. "But she seems pretty out of it. She told the two responding unis that she had been raped by two male whites."

"Okay, we set up a grid search?" Olivia asked though she knew her detectives were of course already on it.

"From the park entrance, and we've got Carisi leading a canvassing endeavor for hotel doormen on Central Park South. So far, no witnesses," Fin said, spotting Jimmy nearing Montserrat and Nick. "What's that guy doing down here?"

Olivia glanced back and saw Jimmy, frowning. "Don't even start. One PP gave him full access. Nothing we can do."

Unfortunately, Montserrat and Nick would be the first ones to meet Jimmy that night, since he was practically breathing over their shoulders while they attempted to keep up with their victim's gourmet. Heba was semi-conscious but the fact the two ERs rushing her towards the ambulance were louder than Montserrat and Nick made it difficult for both detectives to get a good, clear statements.

"Could you do us a favor and back off?" Nick nearly exploded on the reporter after Heba's ambulance drove away. "We were trying to get a statement!"

"Sorry, but I have full access," Jimmy was proud to announce, much to the annoyance of Nick.

"Who are you?" Montserrat scrunched her face, partially from confusion and the other part from genuine cold. She felt the tip of her nose freezing.

"Jimmy MacArthur. You know me," the man said with such assurance it almost made Montserrat doubt herself. "I hope you guys know by now that we're looking at a hate crime."

Montserrat was both stunned and confused on how he'd gotten that when both she and Nick hadn't even gotten a proper retell from the victim. "How did you-"

"-you better not publish any of that yet," Nick warned, already scowling but all Jimmy did was smile and go on his way.

~ 0 ~

The next morning had SVU busy with Heba's family, more so them than actually her.

"I don't think this is the way to get to our vic," Sonny told the other detectives around him while they watched Olivia and Rafael go back and forth with Reverend Curtis, who was acting on behalf of Heba's family.

Olivia's office was filled with the detectives, Heba's family and the Reverend. It was a loud commotion and the only person who nattered wasn't even in the room. She was in the interview room, trying to wish it all away.

"Reverend Curtis, Heba is in good hands here," Olivia followed the Reverend around her office. "I hope that we can stay focused on this case."

"As do I," Reverend Curtis raised his hand, showing them he was on their side but with more important endeavors. "This is just her family. Her brother Fareed is on his way."

Rafael barely contained the urge to roll his eyes right there. This was a complete waste of time. "Have we even interviewed her yet?" he spoke up just to stop Olivia from following the Reverend.

"Sort of," Montserrat muttered, crossing her arms as she remembered the interruptions from last night.

Amanda cleared her throat and gave her co-worker a glance to warn her to keep quiet. They didn't want Heba's family to know about Jimmy Mac. "Yeah, she was completely out of it at the scene. She was freezing. She spent all night in the E.R. I mean, this is the first chance we've had to talk to her."

"And we can't talk to her in front of her parents or you, reverend Curtis," Olivia put her hands together in exhaustion. They were making their case so much more difficult.

"This is more than just a rape. She was singled out because she wore a hijab," the Reverend spoke slowly as if none of the group were competent to understand his point.

"We're exploring that possibility-"

"Possibility? She was called a 'Muslim bitch.' Am I misinterpreting that?"

"Nobody is saying that you are-"

"-good. Even so, this community doesn't trust the NYPD-"

"-oh, but they trust you?" Rafael scoffed.

The Reverend shot him a look. "That's right. They reached out to me to be their advocate."

"Advocate? Any chance you told them that's exactly what the D.A.'S office is?"

"Heba's parents are concerned with her honor and the family's reputation."

"Go ahead." Olivia had enough of the nonsense. Every second they wasted arguing with the Reverend was another second Heba spent in torment. She went back to her detectives, pushing Amanda and Nick towards the interview room. "We understand that. So how about my detectives go in there with Heba - please get everybody else out of there…" She closed the interview door after Amanda and Nick then turned back and walked Rafael and the Reverend out of her office, "While you two work together in reassuring the family?"

Rafael's expression indicated no chance of that. The Reverend was working his last nerve and it wasn't even noon.

~ 0 ~

"So what are we looking?" Olivia asked the group once they were at a decent peace in the bullpen. They'd been able to get a proper statement from Heba, but it'd been quite the challenge to get them all out of the precinct without losing it.

"The rape kit exam confirms vaginal tears and the presence of semen from two different men. And remnants of torn hymen tissue," Amanda read off the results their M.E had sent them so far.

"And where are we on the hate crime aspect?"

"Well, they ripped off her head scarf and they taunted her with racial slurs," Montserrat said what Heba's statement had been. "That's pretty much the definition, isn't it?"

"Well, it's according to her," Nick leaned back on his chair. "We still haven't found any witnesses."

"Oh, come on. That time of night? Right by the park?" Sonny raised an eyebrow, smiling just to be obvious. "Somebody should have seen or heard something."

Olivia seemed to agree with his thoughts. "Okay, well, then go back up there, re-interview everybody. Doormen, street people." Sonny nodded and looked at Montserrat to see if she was ready to go.

"I hope it's not a chase," the ginger got up from her chair.

"And where are we with the security footage?" Olivia looked at the remainder of her detectives.

"We have the D.O.T. Traffic cam, but we're still checking into a couple other things," Fin promptly answered.

"Let me stop you all before you divide and conquer," Rafael stopped the entire group in time. "The family says Jimmy Mac called them. He had details from the case."

"Not such a surprise since he was at the crime scene," Olivia sighed.

"They think someone from SVU is talking to the press," Rafael's eyes flickered from one detective to the next. "Be aware of what you are saying."

"We got it, councilor," Sonny ushered Montserrat towards the hallway, but the ginger stopped just to make one remark.

"What is this, high school? We know how to keep our mouths shut," she rolled her eyes and went on out.

~ 0 ~

Following Olivia's instructions, Montserrat and Sonny talked to as many people that could've been at the scene last night, but it seemed they weren't going to have luck because everyone told them the same thing. There were no screams. There was no girl. They'd gone home earlier.

"I was working late last night," one construction worker was in the middle of saying, missing Montserrat practically ball her fists on her sides.

Sonny was more professional at the moment. He just kept the questions coming. "How late?"

"1:30. I'm trying to log in as many hours before De Blasio phases us out."

"And you were here, right by Central Park?"

"Yeah."

"You or any of your friends hear screams or see two guys take this woman down?" Sonny showed the man a picture of Heba on his phone.

The worker shook his head. "I heard about it this morning. Must have happened after I left."

"Okay, thanks," Sonny turned to Montserrat with the same disappointed expression she had.

"That's like the 20th person we speak to who has no idea of what happened," Montserrat groaned. "My feet hurt. And my mind."

"Yeah, well the mind thing isn't from this case, is it?" Sonny meant the birthday plans and just the mere reminder made Montserrat groan.

Luckily for her, or unluckily judging who was thinking, they were interrupted by Jimmy Mac.

"Are you kidding me?" Montserrat glared at the man she was losing respect for even when she hadn't even properly met him yet.

As soon as Jimmy saw them, he walked over (while stuffing the last bit of his hot dog into his mouth). "Detectives Carisi and Novak. So how's your vic?"

Montserrat had to bite her tongue so that she wouldn't respond with a curt 'none of your business'.

"You find that head scarf yet?"

"You think we're gonna talk to you about an open investigation?" Sonny derailed the answer cleverly, but Jimmy saw it as a mediocre attempt to cover the truth.

"So you got nothing. That's okay. There may be nothing to get!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at the reporter. "Maybe you have something you want to share?"

Jimmy laughed in a condescending manner. "Jimmy Mac didn't become famous by sharing his sources with the cops. You can read about it like everybody else in the city in tomorrow's paper."

"Don't count on it," mumbled Montserrat when he left. "Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn't know anything." She would've said more had it not been for Sonny becoming focused with his phone all of a sudden. "What's up?"

"Uuh…" Sonny's look become concerned, bringing Montserrat to peer over to his phone and see the image causing problems.

"That's Heba on the street…"

"And look at the time stamp," Sonny pointed to the corner of the picture.

"It's 1:54 am and...she's walking toward the park. Clothes torn, no head scarf," Montserrat pursed her lips as they both knew that was quite a big contradiction to Heba's statement.

~0~

With further confirmation that Heba's statement was not quite true, the detectives took it straight to Heba herself for clarification. However, it turned out to be a waste of time because it only ended with Heba reaffirming her initial story and getting her family to throw the detectives out.

"How'd it go?" Olivia asked Montserrat and Sonny as soon as they walked into the bullpen.

"We are no longer welcome at that house," Sonny plopped down at his desk, more or less irritated.

Olivia motioned with a finger for Montserrat to follow her into the office. Montserrat dutifully followed but was already wear of where their conversation would end up at.

"Amanda and Finn went to Warner yesterday for further analysis and it's pretty much coinciding with the time stamp," Montserrat started first, thinking it would give her an advantage to lead the conversation towards her favor. "She said something about red and gold fibers being found under Heba's nails."

" So the benefit ended at midnight, and the security footage shows her walking towards the crime scene at what time?" Olivia rubbed her temples as she moved to her desk.

"It's 1:54," Montserrat paused for a second. The images of the distraught Heba was something hard to process. "Heba got defensive saying we didn't believe her but the truth is right there. We do believe something happened to her - the video proves it, but...not where she says or when she says."

"No chance of talking to her today," Olivia presumed after what Montserrat said.

"Not unless we want to be thrown out twice in two days," Montserrat crossed her arms and walked up to Olivia's desk. "She's too defensive, meaning she's lying. And if she's lying, then she doesn't want our help that much."

"Montse," Olivia brought her hands to the desk, looking disapproving. "It means she's hiding something because she's scared."

"Or mine, or yours…" Montserrat decided to leave it at that.

Olivia stayed pensive for a while before laying eyes on Montserrat. "Is this why you debate about pressing charges, then?" Montserrat visibly stiffened in her spot. "Because of the back and forth thing?"

"I don't want to do this right now, Olivia," sighed the ginger.

"I...I just don't understand," Olivia admitted. "You work for SVU. You of all people know how this works, the benefits of going forwards...the freedom you have afterwards."

"You say that because you knew exactly where your tormentor was. He's been in prison waiting trial, but I have no idea where the hell he is," Montserrat fervently shook her head. "I'm not opening myself to that type of trauma if I know there's not going to be any closure. Not happening."

"Hey Sarge?" Sonny poked his head into the office, essentially ending that conversation without knowing it. "We got a problem."

Olivia exchanged a look with Montserrat, both wondering what it could be now. "And what is it?"

Before Sonny could answer, Rafael pushed way into the office. He looked angry as hell as he raised a newspaper in his hand. "Who the hell has been talking to Jimmy Mac?" Because the newspaper's headline was all about the hoax that Heba's case was thought to be.

Perhaps it was the effect of the repeated conversation, or the fact she just felt plain offended, but Montserrat responded with a decent dripping sarcasm, "Oh yeah, all of us. We took turns."

That was all it took to infuriate Rafael. If Montserrat hadn't been in her own mood, she would've been amused by the way his face scrunched in utter anger. She'd come to learn some of his mannerisms since she was so good at irritating him. When he scrunched his entire face just for a blip of a second, it meant he was frustrated and a good amount of angry.

"Hang on," Olivia rose from her chair, making a motion with her hands for them to calm down. "None of us are talking to Jimmy-"

Rafael let the newspaper drop on the desk. "Then where the hell is he getting it from?"

"I wish I knew, but we don't." Olivia picked up the newspaper and reread the headline at least twice before forcing herself to skim the article. "But I'm going to talk to him."

"And do what?" Rafael scoffed, snatching the newspaper from her hands. "There's no point. Someone is talking."

"I will fix it," Olivia reassured then looked at Montserrat and Sonny. "Leave us, please. Montserrat, we'll talk later."

Montserrat did a double-take before outright saying, "No we're done. I made my decision." She gave Olivia no room to argue by leaving with Sonny.

"Can I ask what the hell is going on?" Rafael wished he could get at least one question answered that day.

"...she just doesn't like her birthday," Olivia found herself answering within the second.

Rafael rolled his eyes. "I have never met someone who put that much hatred into their birthday. You all need to focus."

"We will," Olivia's reassurance meant nothing to him at the moment.

"You better because I will be coming back tonight to see your progress."

Olivia leveled his intense look with her own, studious one. "How hard is the D.A. breathing on you right now?"

The question only made Rafael slightly shift. He kept his cool facade as best as he could. "My concern only."

It was then Olivia's turn to scoff. "Okay."

Rafael pointed a warning finger her way as he started to leave. "I'll be back later."

Olivia nodded him off and picked up the newspaper again. She would mark Jimmy's office as the second place she would be heading to today.

~ 0 ~

"Captain Carroll?" a tall, dark haired man stepped into a woman's office.

The woman in question was an older woman, probably fifty or so. Her grayish hair was tied into a tight bun and her blue eyes, though bright, were dimmed by the stack of papers on her desk. "Yes, Sanders?"

"You have a visitor," Detective Sanders said.

"Do I?" the Captain thought for a second before shaking her head. "Can't be. I don't have anything scheduled."

Before Detective Sanders could say anything, Olivia pushed the office door open and strode inside. "You'll have to make time then because I'm not leaving until we talk."

Captain Carroll raised an eyebrow at the woman, clearly taken aback by Olivia's bluntness. Being an older woman, Carroll was used to a different type of lifestyle. "Excuse me?"

Olivia ignored Carroll and glanced at the detective with them. "Leave us."

Detective Sanders briefly looked to his captain, wondering what he should do. He hadn't been very open to Olivia's sudden visit to their precinct, but as a detective there wasn't much he could do.

"Leave us, Sanders," the Captain ultimately said, making a motion for the man to leave.

Olivia waited till they were alone before speaking, and even when she did she was careful to speak in a quiet manner. "I'm Sergeant Olivia Benson, acting commander of Manhattan's SVU squad."

"Yes, I've heard about you several times," Captain Carroll rose from her desk and straightened up her blouse. "To what do I owe this visit? It's not everyday we get a Manhattan SVU Sergeant in Queens' Homicide."

"I'm here unofficially," Olivia walked slowly towards the desk. "I was the one who received one of your detective's transfer papers. You remember Detective Novak, right?" Olivia scrutinized the Captain for every expression she gave, and it was quite easy to see that the mere mention of Montserrat's name made Carroll stiffen.

Carroll cleared her throat and once again patted her blouse down as if it'd gotten crinkled in the one minute since the last time. "Detective Novak? Of course I remember her. She's the reason many of our drug missions were successful. You know Hallie D'Amico, right?"

"I do," Olivia gave a slight nod of her head. "And I think we both know at what cost D'Amico went down...right?"

Once again, Carroll's forehead creased at the middle. "I...don't know what you mean."

"Let me put it to you this way, just so that we don't waste time," Olivia pressed her hands onto the desk and leaned forwards, "I know what happened during your undercover mission for Hallie D'Amico. I know what happened to Detective Novak and I know that you did nothing about it. You, Captain-" Olivia spat the title like venom, "-are a true disgrace in this department."

Carroll's eyebrows knitted together as anger flourished through her. "How dare you-"

"-no, how dare you call yourself Captain while you let your detectives go through hell?" Olivia pushed herself off the desk, thinking it was better to put some distance between her and the Captain.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Carroll attempted to say, but Olivia was heated.

"Quit playing! I know about everything! Montserrat told me!"

Carroll was stunned. "She did what-"

"-and don't you dare-" Olivia pointed a sharp finger in Carroll's way, "-have the audacity to be angry about that! How could you - how you could trade in your detective's well being, her entire self, for one measly operation?"

"Measly operation?" Carroll's eyes nearly bulged from her eyes. "That was an undercover mission of 3 years!"

"I don't care!" snapped Olivia. "Because no mission is worth any detectives' lives!"

"Now wait a minute!" Carroll raised her hands, hoping to slow things down for her benefit. "I don't know why Montserrat would ever choose to disclose to anyone, but I'll have you know I never forced her to keep quiet."

"No," Olivia agreed, tilting her head, "But you sure did remind her that the mission was important. It'd been years' work and it would be a shame if her pressing charges about a rape would cut the mission short. Hallie D'Amico couldn't get away, right?"

"And she didn't."

"At Montserrat's expense!" Olivia practically yelled in the woman's face. She didn't even notice how far she'd gone over the desk. "You know she goes to therapy because of what happened to her? It's the only place she can talk freely because she doesn't want to press charges. You manipulated her into keeping quiet just so you could get your name on the headlines."

"I did no such thing," Carroll said, but Olivia swore it sounded like the woman was trying to convince herself of her own statement. "Now get out of my office, and don't you ever come back. If Montserrat would like to argue, then by all means she's welcome to return."

Olivia shook her head. "You're cynical. That's why Montserrat left Queens, and your precinct in the first place. She couldn't stand living here, working in a place where no one cared for her."

"I tried to ease her pain the best I could-" Carroll attempted to argue but Olivia quickly walked up to her to cut her off.

"All lies!" she spat and straightened herself up. "When push came to shove, you threw Montserrat under the bus. You decided she was not important enough-"

"-that's not true-" Carroll's face fell, but Olivia felt no sympathy for her.

"-it is. The only thing I'm glad about is the fact that Montserrat is with us now. Because in my squad, we care about each other and we always look out for each other. Sadly, yours doesn't share the same sentiment," Olivia gave Carroll one look-over before storming out of the office.

Detective Sanders watched Olivia leave their precinct and had the curiosity to see his Captain. However, when he attempted to speak with Carroll, she basically threw him out.

~ 0 ~

You work for SVU.

Montserrat fervently scrolled down her computer screen, switching tabs every now and then. No matter how hard she tried, she kept hearing Olivia's words from their most recent disagreement. Despite her failed endeavors, Olivia just wouldn't give up on pressing charges. Montserrat was getting weary, and yet even through that she had never really thought about her work at SVU as she was now.

What Olivia said was true. Montserrat worked at SVU, the place where it was encouraged to come forwards about rape. And yet there she was, doing the exact opposite. How could she continue working there when she herself wouldn't come out and say what happened to her?

"Are those...transfer applications?"

Montserrat nearly jumped out of her chair. Of course when it hit her that she was no longer alone, she quickly closed all the tabs at once. But it was too late.

Rafael moved around her desk slowly, eyes flickering between her computer and her. "Are you thinking of transferring out of SVU?"

Montserrat cleared her throat while racking her head for a plausible explanation. She hadn't even concluded on her own if that's what she wanted to do. She'd just...perused. But boy was it going to cost her. "I...I was...I was just looking," came out of her mouth a few seconds later.

Rafael took the seat beside her desk. "Really? Just looking? Why?"

Montserrat's mouth opened several times but in the end a small laugh slipped through. "It doesn't matter. I was just looking. And why do you care? If I were to transfer, wouldn't that just be a relief for you?"

For a second it looked like Rafael would smile out of amusement, but he kept it well hidden. "Well, contrary to the popular belief, your big mouth is actually helpful sometimes. And...you do good work around here."

Montserrat looked at him for a second before smiling herself. "Are you trying to say you'd miss me if I were gone?"

"Stop," Rafael warned, though he did shift in his seat like he'd been outed.

Montserrat still smiled ever so proudly. "It's okay, councilor, I know it's hard to admit it--"

"Seriously, stop. Where are the others? I came back to see Olivia," he looked around at the empty bullpen, making it harder for Montserrat to keep from laughing.

"Olivia's been gone all afternoon. Nick and Finn went to talk to Heba's family again, and Amanda and Sonny went for some take out."

"Oh, so you waited for everyone to be gone to go through transfer papers," Rafael noted. "You're serious about this."

Montserrat brought a hand to her hair, nervous fingers looping around one curl. "I'm not. I'm just...considering."

"That's the same thing. I transferred as well, so I know the process very well. What is going on?" Rafael was beginning to get tired of asking the same question with no answer available.

"Nothing. And I would appreciate if you didn't say anything about this to anyone else," Montserrat sighed. If this was the reaction she got from someone who rarely showed any emotions, she didn't want to know what the others would do.

"Fine," Rafael said after concluding that despite her assurances it was a serious matter. For some reason, things weren't fine. It bothered him.

"Hey!" Amanda's voice drew their attention, though one more than the other. "We got the food!"

"Great! Sonny hand me mine and don't touch it!" Montserrat's demeanor changed drastically, but of course in Rafael's mind it was all for show. He knew exactly what she was doing. Faking it. And she was doing a pretty good damn job at it too. No one could know what she was doing on the side.

But he did.

#svu #rafael barba #ocappreciation #ocapp #svu fics #rafael barba fics #rafael barba imagines #svu imagines #oc: Montserrat Novak #fic: dare to forget me

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years

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Episode 10: Silent Night

This show is taking over my life and I’m not even mad.

Spoilers ahead.

0:28 - This whole scene. Malcolm’s eyes. Holy crap. He looks sad, tired, scared. It utterly breaks my heart.

0:48 - This is Malcolm descending into a panic attack. :( ALSO though - we have confirmation that Ainsley used the clip of her father screaming about how he was a good father. Did Ainsley also use the clip of her listing her brother’s diagnoses? Because honestly, that would be a terrible sister move. I can’t see Malcolm wanting people to know about his diagnoses unless he really trusts them. Is that why Malcolm’s having the beginnings of a panic attack right now? Because he’s realizing that everyone knows. Or is it simply the fact that his father is triggering bad memories for him? Or is it a combo platter?

1:00 - ICONIC. You know this is hilarious and totally in character for Jessica. BUT I think she threw her shoe because she saw Malcolm panicking and she knew that throwing her shoe would shock him out of a full-blown panic attack. I think that if he wasn’t panicking she would’ve just screamed at him and turned off the TV.

1:20 - Look at how sad Jessica is here. She isn’t upset that her son isn’t normal or that she’s not getting grandchildren anytime soon. She’s upset that her son isn’t happy and that he’s suffering. She blames herself for it. We saw that in 1x7.

1:40 - This little conversation between Malcolm and Jessica is really cool. They’re both trying to comfort each other and they’re both concerned for each other.

2:24 - Reason #1214 (yes- I pulled that number out of thin air) that Malcolm needs some sleep. Or some time off. Or some peace. -- The boy didn’t notice that it was Christmas Eve. I don’t care if you don’t celebrate Christmas - the Christmas season has become a massive corporate holiday. It’s almost impossible to ignore. Between the commercials, decorations, sales, music ... how can you not notice?

2:51 - I adore this moment. Look at how happy Malcolm his watching the children run around happily. I’m telling you we need a scene where bright has to hang out with a little kid. It would be cute. Also - Gil. That look that Gil initially gives Malcolm is a look of pure love. He’s happy to see Malcolm smiling. He’s happy to see Malcolm on a holiday. He’s happy to see Malcolm on Christmas Day.

3:35 - Personal disclaimer. I immediately hate Colette Swanson. Simply because Malcolm hates her and Malcolm finds it in him to have compassion for murderers. Therefore - this woman must truly suck.

3:38 - Malcolm looks crushed when he finds out Colette is in charge. Gil is enjoying teasing Malcolm. It’s cute. I like it.

4:05 - Ok. So 1) Malcolm has gone full-blown manic again. Check out the way he just greeted JT. and 2) I looked it up. Kringle is a Scandinavian pastry. So does this mean that Tally’s family has Scandinavian roots? Or JT does and his wife makes it for him? I need to know.

4:13 - Dani looks concerned when she asks if Malcolm has seen Ainsley’s interview. This makes me think that Ainsley probably did include the clip where she lists Malcolm’s diagnoses. This makes me sad. It also makes me lose some respect for Ainsley.

4:37 - How well did Gil know Turner? Gil looks really sad here. Is it sadness because he and Turner were friends? Or just the general sadness that comes over you when you realize that someone you knew died and it makes you remember how fleeting life is?

4:55 - I love how that subtle shot at Malcolm went totally above his head.

5:19 - Where’s Edrisa? We isn’t the medical crew there?

5:34 - When Malcolm takes the gun Gil looks a little alarmed and concerned. Then he shares a look with JT. JT looks concerned too. Actually this whole scene - as Bright gestures with the gun the camera keeps cutting to Gil and/or JT and Dani who have matching looks of concern on their faces.

6:20 - And this is what they were afraid of. The manic idiot, who is clearly not doing well right now, just put a gun to his head. I love how Gil reacts. It’s the same way an angry parent would talk to a misbehaving child.

6:32 - How much do you want to bet that Gil continued that conversation later. Malcolm’s passive suicidality is really getting out of hand.

7:28 - This is great. “Sounds like you.” It’s true though. Since his wife died I’m sure Gil threw his whole life into his work. Now he just works or worries about the team. He seems to know it too. The warning look he gives Dani is a look that says “not the time” not “you’re wrong and I’m annoyed at your sass”.

7:50 - Okay. Colette is a b**ch to Bright. Right off the bat. What happened between them?!? Seriously? This is not professional behaviour. This is straight up harassment. The team does Not Look Happy with the way she’s talking to Bright. All three of them look some mixture of annoyed, confused, and concerned.

8:21 - This whole scene is painful to watch. Colette being more of a b**ch to Malcolm and Malcolm acting like an excited puppy who desperately wants to help. BUT at 8:21 the look JT gives Colette before he walks away. hahahaha I’ve never noticed it before. He’s like “Not my circus, not my monkeys. This woman is cray cray. I’m out.”

8:45 - Love the parallel between 1x5 when Malcolm asks about how Dani knows Estime and here when Dani asks about how Malcolm knows Colette. Also look at Malcolm’s face when he responds. He looks dead inside. I don’t think we’ve ever seen him look at anyone with cold, detached, hatred before. What did this woman do to him?!?

8:50 - Malcolm looks upset here. The way he looks at the ground. Huh. Is Colette just another one of Malcolm’s bullies?

8:58 - I hate how condescending Colette is to everyone in this scene. I love how Dani looks at Gil for guidance on how to respond. Gil looks so mad he’s even refusing to make eye contact with Colette more than strictly necessary. If this woman wasn’t FBI, just a regular member of the NYPD, I swear Gil would lose it on her.

9:10 - Dani looks so upset that Gil is making her work with Colette. AND look at that little warning look Gil gives Malcolm when he says “you’re with me” AND look at that smile that Gil gave Colette before he walked out. hahaha that was not a kind smile. Gil is my hero.

9:26 - Honestly I hate this woman more than I hate Martin. Look at how poorly she makes Malcolm feel. Look at how condescending and rude she is to everyone. IS THIS THE UMBRIDGE OF THE PRODIGAL SON FANDOM?!? Because honestly, if she turns out to be a victim in a future episode I won’t even be mad if the plot doesn’t make sense.

9:34 - so Malcolm has a desk again? Or he’s forced to work at his desk because the case board room has been overtaken by the FBI? Either way - Gil looking at Malcolm with concern and sympathy is fuelling my soul.

9:40 - Ok so two things. 1) Has anyone else noticed that Malcolm only has ONE (1) watch. A brown leather watch. It doesn’t look like a super fancy, expensive watch either. This seems strange for a rich dude (they usually have a lot of watches or at least a fancy Rolex that they show off). I know that doesn’t fit with Malcolm’s personality but the fact that he only wears the one watch makes me headcanon that it was a gift from Gil and Jackie. Maybe when he graduated college or something? THING 2) Is Malcolm avoiding Ainsley’s call because he’s pissed with her about the interview or because he’s got too much going on right now and he can’t handle a drama call from the family?

9:46 - Does Ainsley seriously not feel bad about that interview? I mean she’s asking her brother for a favour right after stabbing him in the back.

10:21 - Shaky hand, scared eyes. This isn’t good.

10:38 - Detective Shannon is a dick. I mean. Even if Malcolm was an accomplice to his Dad’s murders - you just don’t talk to a kid like that. Especially if that kid is showing signs of emotional distress like baby Malcolm is in the flashback. The shaking, slight rocking of the body, eyes screwed shut, shaky voice. Poor little guy is terrified.

11:15 - This suggests that Gil knows about how Shannon treated Bright. How did Gil find out? Recently or when it was happening? What did Gil do/say to Shannon when he found out? Does Jessica know? Is this why Malcolm went mute? Or did this happen after Malcolm started talking again?

11:31 - Okay so protective/concerned Gil warms my heart. You all know this by now. But look at the moment after Shannon calls Gil “lucky boy”. Gil looks positively furious and Malcolm looks scared. Almost like Shannon’s voice is sending him into a C-PTSD flashback. BUT once Malcolm snaps out of his fear he looks angry and suspicious.

13:20 - Gil’s quiet warning is awesome. You can tell that he’s not mad at Malcolm. He thinks Malcolm’s little speech is justified. He’s afraid of what this gun toting lunatic might do to Bright if provoked.

13:34 - This is one of my absolute favourite moments in the show’s history. Look at the way Gil jumps in front of Malcolm and holds Shannon back. That’s partially the cop in him doing his job BUT that’s also a man furious that someone would have the nerve to try and hurt his son.

13:51 - and now Malcolm looks manic again. Gil still looks pissed.

14:38 - Gil’s taking this case personally. Makes sense, even if he didn’t know Ian Turner very well. Gil is a good man who has a very strong moral code. He’s a protector. It makes sense that he would be pissed that an extremely good man was murdered for no good reason.

15:25 - Dani, you are my queen. Tell that b**ch that’s she’s out of line. You go girl.

16:00 - Oh no. Dani is questioning Malcolm. Colette is getting into her head.

16:37 - Okay. It’s Christmas Day. Jessica is supposed to be at home ordering people around to prepare for Christmas dinner. But instead she is at the precinct because Ainsley’s interview is causing her a lot of pain. She’s haunted by the Surgeon and Ainsley’s decided to air out the family issues to the public - thereby giving Jessica no where to hide from her pain. Also - LOVE the way Gil walks in to the room. He knows Jessica is going to come to him with a slightly manic, half-baked plan and/or theory. He’s stressed. He’s in a bad mood. He’s worried about Malcolm and he can’t handle another manic Whitly right now.

17:20 - Gil doesn’t act surprised that Martin chloroformed Malcolm. When did Gil find out? I would’ve payed good money to see that. Also - how selfless is this dude? He’s clearly an emotional mess right now but he stops everything to try and comfort Jessica. He can’t help but be concerned about her. There are sparks here. Check out the way he holds her hands. Check out the soft look that he gives her.

18:25 - All I’m going to say is that when it comes to Malcolm and Jessica - the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

19:35 - JT talked to Dani about Malcolm’s date. He was so concerned about Malcolm that he called Dani because he knows they’re close. Do you think they told Gil?!? Or did Malcolm tell Gil?! Gil has to know. Right?

19:50 - Malcolm, sweetheart. No. Honey, you’re not broken. Look how sad Dani is. She wants to help him. She can see how deep his depression is. This is honestly so concerning. When someone says something like this, sincerely, with that much pain in their eyes - just take them to see a doctor or just have someone stay with them. Please. They need supervision. They might be a danger to themselves.

20:02 - Ever notice how a lock of Malcolm’s hair falls into his face when his mental and/or physical state starts to get seriously unhinged.

20:46 - Oh. My. Goodness. That Christmas ornament is precious. Look at how happy and cute baby Malcolm and baby Ainsley are.

21:15 - This is such a good conversation. Usually Jessica is overprotective, overbearing, and somewhat controlling when it comes to her children. However, Jess is totally justified in what she says to Ainsley here. It frustrates me that Ainsley is so upset about it. Ainsley really can’t see how her ambition is destroying her relationship with her family. She can’t see that the actions she’s taking to further her career are at the expense of the mental well-being of her mother and brother.

21:45 - “You’re playing the victim.” Ouch. That was a low-blow Ainsley. It’s not true either. Your Mom is traumatized. To an extent your mother and brother are victims of the Surgeon. You are too. Your mother just wants some peace and privacy. That’s not unreasonable.

22:50 - Yikes. Has Shannon been following Malcolm? Look how scared Malcolm is. He’s so much more terrified of Shannon now that Gil isn’t with him. You know how we can be sure that Malcolm is a good person? He actually looks sympathetic towards Shannon. Upset for Shannon. ALSO quick side note - is Malcolm holding a pie? Did he buy a pie to bring to the family Christmas dinner? Why is that making my heart melt?

25:03 - Pissed Gil is such a mood.

26:24 - Anyone else find it concerning that Malcolm is so desperate to catch the Junkyard Killer and to get answers about that camping trip that he is willing to get in a car and go to a random garage with the ex-detective who traumatized him? Also - they have surveillance pictures of baby Malcolm? Isn’t that illegal? I didn’t think you could photograph minors like that?

28:15 - Shannon just won over Malcolm. Look at that sadness and compassion in Malcolm’s eyes. Dang. That’s kind of sweet? Shannon’s still a dick though.

29:25 - Sometimes when Malcolm starts being sincere, soft, and supportive - I swear I’m watching him channel Gil.

30:02 - Anyone else think it’s weird that they left the car running outside with the headlights on? Just me? Ok. Carry on.

30:11 - How poetic that John Watkins is near the end of the list, alphabetically speaking, so it’s one of the last names they check.

30:50 - Malcolm looks downright terrified when Shannon shows him his gun.

31:35 - haha Gil is so exhausted here. Look at him when Bright hangs up. Gil’s like, “Of course. What did I expect? I can’t control this man-child. Please remind me why I love him before I do something I regret.”

31:50 - This is Granny immediately strikes me as really weird. Like more than just regular nutty old-lady weird.

33:10 - Look how uncomfortable Malcolm looks around Matilda. He’s interested in John’s childhood and he’s still working the case but he’s clearly freaked out by Granny over here.

34:39 - Malcolm’s eyes are looking hella manic again.

34:50 - OMG. hahaha Malcolm looks horrified when Matilda pours that gravy stuff on his food. I’m shocked that he didn’t puke.

36:00 - This photo album is...wow. Really increases the creepy factor of this case.

38:45 - This conversation between Colette and Gil is awesome. Gil is scared. He’s trying to protect Bright but he’s also knows that he needs help. Dani and JT look scared.

39:27 - OMG. I didn’t like Shannon but he didn’t deserve that.

39:48 - So Matilda is kind of a serial killer too. Right? She knew her grandson was a murder and she helped him. She condoned it. She’s as bad as he is.

40:45 - Oh Jessica is desperate. She’s totally throwing Gil under the bus here. She wouldn’t do that unless she was desperate.

41:25 - Dani and Gil look terrified. OMG. My heart is breaking.

42:20 - Malcolm has that knife right in front of his mother’s townhouse. So I guess Martin was lying in 1x7 when he said they bought it off the turnpike in New Jersey during their camping trip.

So...things are getting scary for Malcolm. Thanks for hanging out Prodigies.

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undreaming-fanfiction · 5 years

Text

On ducks, chocolate and things that shouldn’t be

Fandom: Good Omens Rating: general audiences Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley Summary: Crowley is incredibly eloquent, except when he isn't. Aziraphale is obtuse in love, except when he isn't. When it comes to feelings, metaphors are a demon's best friend.

The apocalypse was over before it even began and that was a good thing, Crowley thought. World was safe, well, as safe as it could be with a bunch of power-hungry people who would come up with something really stupid every couple of years, a decade or so, like eating laundry detergents, putting pineapple on pizza (Crowley barely managed to keep a straight face when he received a commendation for that one) or kicking Pluto out of the Solar system and then grieving for...what exactly? Crowley had no clue. Anyway, back to the point...he definitely had one, right?

Oh yes. World was safe. So were they, along with their beloved things, like expensive vintage wine, hot cocoa and (but they were never to find out they belonged on the list) Crowley's plants. So technically, all should be good. Except it wasn't.

With the Armageddon safely locked away, the very convenient excuse Crowley had for meeting up with Aziraphale whenever he felt like it vanished into thin air.

Crowley found himself concerned with the F word.

FEELINGS.

Crowley's thoughts often reverted back to the touch of the angel's hand in his during the bus drive towards their destruction, or at least what they assumed would be one. And he was apprehensive towards a future in which that exquisite sensation would remain only a memory. On the other hand, if you sit in a hole for a long time, say, 6000 years give or take, the prospect of freedom tends to be equally appealing and terrifying. And changing anything about his and Aziraphale's relationship was anything but easy, especially when there was the demon thing involved. Confessing how he felt was one thing, but talking to a being of love about something a demon wasn't supposed to know or feel? That would be like reading one of modern interpretations of Shakespeare to the author himself, laughable at best, at worst...Crowley preferred to think of things less horrifying, like hellhounds or Lucifer's wrath directed at him personally. So...not changing a thing was safe. But then again, was there any better time for a change? Probably not. Maybe this was the right moment to dare to be stupid. And Crowley excelled at being stupid (apart from all the times he was awfully clever, but when it came to the only angel who ever mattered to him, stupid was the way to go).

They were just returning from the Ritz and Crowley suggested a walk, you know, angel, to enjoy all the things that weren't supposed to exist anymore but still do, thanks to Adam. It was no surprise that their steps led to the park, their usual meeting spot. And while they stood there, both staring at the calmly swimming ducks and reminiscing about all the good times, the bad times and the awful times (such as the holy water thing, may it forever be forgotten), Crowley made a decision. He would speak up. He would be clear, enchanting, direct. He will confess his f...the thing without remorse, without shame and without dancing around the topic.

"So..." he began, "...ducks."

The angel blinked in confusion and stared at Cowley as if he'd grown a second head. "Excuse me?" Good start.

Crowley took a deep breath and assumed what he perceived to be a casual pose. To any indifferent observer, it might have seemed as a rake-leaning-on-a-barn-wall impression, but Crowley's head was too occupied to notice. "I have a thought on ducks. If...you'd be interested. To discuss. Ducks." Nice and clear, as intended.

Confusion did not leave Aziraphale's face, but then he slowly nodded and smiled at Crowley in a benevolent way. "Anything you find interesting, my dear boy."

The demon slowly (not) exhaled. "Okay. Good. Great. Um." One deep breath and he continued. "So, let's just...pretend for a second. A theoretical scenario if you will. Let's pretend that there are no ducks, the world is duckless, just...like dragons, but ducks. And another person tells you they saw a duck." He waited for a moment for his words to sink in. "Would you believe them?"

Aziraphale seemed to be thinking hard. "I'm not sure I follow...but I'll play along. Does the person in question truly believe he saw a duck?"

"Yes," Crowley nodded vigorously. "Yes, he is absolutely sure. He feels the duckiness as something terrifyingly real and he cannot comprehend how it could not be a duck. Even though he should not be seeing any ducks anywhere. Especially not him." The last bit slipped him before he could think. Bless it.

A frown this time. Crowley didn't like it when Aziraphale frowned, he much preferred to see him smiling, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he was nibbling on something delicious. "Why should he be special in not seeing ducks?"

Crowley cursed his snake brain. "Let me try again, this probably wasn't the best metaphor...perhaps chocolate would be better." Waiting for Aziraphale's slow nod, he rambled on. "Yes. Chocolate. Um. What if you believe you are offering someone chocolate, but you've had no sense of taste for so long you cannot be sure? And the person you are offering it to is maybe disappointed because you promised them chocolate and it's not, perhaps it is something else, not as good, but you didn't know and then things get awkward and you destroy it all..." His rambling came to a sudden halt when he realized that he may have said too much. He was watching the floating birds with such a focus that he missed a sharp intake of breath next to him.

For a moment, it was completely silent between them, but then Aziraphale spoke. It was soft and barely audible, but full of determination. The angel may have been as soft as a cloud, but his will was unshakeable. "What if I said I didn't care if it was chocolate, a duck or something else? Maybe it is just what the other person has to share that I find irresistible...theoretically speaking," he added quickly. When Crowley didn't respond, he tentatively reacher out and laid a hand on the demon's shoulder. "My dear?"

Crowley found himself on a slippery slope, or at least something that reminded him of one very much. He felt something was moving between them, but the control had long since left him. "So...in theory. If it was me. If I told you that I'm experiencing something...unnatural for me? Something undemonic? Or would it be non-demonic? Non demon...demonope...ish?" He finally found the courage to look the angel in the eye. There was no frown this time, only...fondness? He really wished it was that.

"I would want to know what it is. No matter what it may be," Aziraphale announced, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Crowley found himself unable to hold that pure gaze. And the fact that Aziraphale's hand was still on his shoulder wasn't helping either. "Even when you'd be well in your rights to tell me that I am wrong?" he nearly whispered.

The angel gave a disbelieving chuckle. "Why would I tell you that you are wrong? And don't say because it may not be chocolate!" he quickly added when he sensed Crowley might attempt to dodge the question.

And that was the last straw for Crowley. Growling, he clutched his hair and collapsed against the railing. The ducks were now watching him, looking about as confused as Aziraphale. "Because you know what it feels like and I don't! You...you know the true, pure thing and I can't be sure, even though I'm pretty sure myself, but maybe that's just some kind of...a twisted version of the thing. And if it is, then I don't want you to know because you could be disappointed, disgusted even...and I just don't want to put you through that." I never want you to think that I'm not who you believed I was.

For a moment, he was certain Aziraphale would leave, that their relationship never got past the Alpha Centauri rejection. And so when he felt those gentle fingers on his shoulder again, his breath may have hitched a little bit. but only a little. "Oh, Crowley," breathed Aziraphale and Crowley could swear he felt something strangely familiar in his voice, something reminiscent of the constant longing that took root in his heart, feeding on the angel's gazes, words, gestures, as if perhaps, by a miracle - because otherwise it's not possible, these things do not happen! - Aziraphale had one just like that, one that demanded Crowley's presence. The angel's perfectly manicured fingertips squeezed him tighter, urging him to look away from the pond. "You thinking this way is proof enough that it isn't twisted at all?" Aziraphale whispered.

Crowley gulped and, thankful for his dark glasses, shifted his snake pupils sideways, to finally meet that kind, round face. "You tell me, angel...you are the only one whose opinion I trust. So if you say the duck or chocolate isn't twisted, I want to believe that. I will believe that." And because his mind could hardly keep up with the development (because even if your mind is demonically sharp, going from 0 to 100 on feeling sharing after 6000 years would do a number on anyone), panic crept into his voice. "Are we still on the same page? Have we even been? Angel, tell me you know what I'm talking about, otherwise I'll have to come up with a different explanation, and a much less coherent one!" Because this was my best shot, the overly honest voice in his head added.

Thankfully, no new metaphors were necessary; Aziraphale somehow managed to squeeze himself between Crowley and the railing and, gently sliding down, his palms were suddenly warm and welcome in Crowley's grasp. "Yes, my dear. Correct me if I am wrong, but am I correct that I have just had the pleasure of hearing the most confusing and roundabout proposal ever?"

Crowley was staring at the intertwined fingers. He did not see this coming, he definitely wasn't ready and he probably should have warmed his fingers up before this happened, Aziraphale may not like cold fingers, and wasn't he supposed to say something? Something to fill the hopeful silence? "Err...yes?"

Aziraphale beamed him, taking a step closer. "Then yes."

Oh great, confusion was apparently contagious. "Yes...what?"

"Let's see," the angel began and pulled Crowley closer with his inhuman strength and an undignified demonic squeak. "To list it all: I believe you saw a duck. I believe what you're offering is chocolate. And I would love to spend the rest of eternity watching the non-existent ducks with you and tasting chocolate with you. Anything, as long as it's with you."

Fortunately, Crowley's brain finally capitulated and gave control over the whole body to his anxious heart. Crossing over those last few inches separating them, the demon did what he had longed for since Eden, for long, long centuries, even millennia. And he was happy to discover that it wasn't only Aziraphale's hands that were soft.

They were in no rush to separate again, but eventually the moment had to come. Crowley found himself smiling like an idiot, and any other time he might have minded, but just now he came to a realization that a happy idiot was a much better option than his usual depressed genius. "Really anything, angel?" he croaked out, but the smile did not disappear. "Even...bebop?"

Aziraphale laughed and pulled him back in. "Don't push your luck."

And the park's ducks (also known as the unwilling inspiration for Crowley's worst metaphor yet and the unwilling participant of the closing act of the slowest burn ever) floated away with looks of dignified disgust, because of course, getting together with the love of your life was nice and all, but who on earth took the best feeding spot and did not even attempt to miracle a breadcrumb or two? How rude.

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #go fanfiction #ineffable husbands #crowley/aziraphale #aziraphale/crowley #fanfiction #fluff #humorous fluff

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blackandblueandstars · 5 years

Text

It's Okay Pt9

TRIGGER WARNING: Discusses mental, emotional, physical, sexual abuse. Especially sensitive for LGBT readers.

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4 Pt5 Pt6 Pt7 Pt8

When Amy woke up again, she could barely move. She blinked a few times, trying to take in her surroundings. Her memory came back to her in flashes, overwhelming her. Her body hurt, and slowly she remembered why. But...Kamilah had come, right? She had saved her. That wasn't all a dream, was it?

She tried to stand but the movement made her wince. "Mmmm," she moaned.

Then she saw Kamilah's face.

"Hey, hey, don't try to move," she said, looking down at her. "The doctor patched you up, but he doesn't have any pain medication so you're going to be pretty sore until we can get back to the states. You probably have a few broken ribs. And you've definitely got a lot of bruises."

Amy looked at Kamilah's brown eyes. They were usually calm, collected, but she could see pain in them now.

"He's taking a look at Sam, then we'll get to the plane so we can get you home and get you some proper care."

"I'm okay," Amy said, but she didn't even sound like herself.

"You don't have to be strong for me," Kamilah said, taking her hand. "I know it hurts. I can't..." she stopped, swallowing. "I can't imagine what you've been through." Amy could tell she was holding back tears. She reached up, touching her face.

"Don't cry," she said. "You never cry."

"I wish I could have spared you from all of this," Kamilah said, a few tears escaping. Amy wiped them away slowly, every move sending blinding pain through her body.

"You saved me," Amy said, tears running down her face. "I knew you would come. And you did."

"Oh Amy," she said. "I will always come for you. Even if I have to travel all over the world, darling, I'd never stop until I found you."

"Thank you," Amy said, softly.

"Can I do anything for you?" Kamilah asked, feeling utterly helpless.

"I just want to go home," said Amy.

"Soon, my firefly," she said softly.

Amy drifted off to sleep again, and Kamilah watched her closely. Lily came over and sat beside her.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Lily asked.

Kamilah didn't lift her eyes from Amy.

"Yes," she answered. "Probably not for a while," she frowned. "But eventually."

"What do you think they did to her?" Lily asked quietly.

Kamilah pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I think I'll have nightmares about that for months," Kamilah said carefully. "But she will tell us if she wants to tell us. We can't push her. She's been through hell, Lily. Literal hell."

Lily nodded. She put her hand on Kamilah's shoulder and squeezed. "I am really glad that she found you," she said to Kamilah. "You're good. Understanding, patient, kind. At least with her," Lily chuckled. "Thank you. For that."

Kamilah was silent for a few moments. "I didn't know it at first, but she is everything to me," she said. "I will do everything and anything for her."

Lily smiled. "I know." She turned, walking back across the room when Sam walked out.

"Ready to go?" Kamilah asked.

Sam nodded.

"Alright," Kamilah said. She lifted Amy gently, taking her to the car and driving them to the airport.

Adrian and Jax met them outside the plane.

"How'd it go?" Kamilah asked them.

"It's taken care of," said Adrian.

"They won't do this to anyone," Jax said, "ever again."

Kamilah nodded. She opened the car door and lifted Amy out, walking her to the plane.

Everyone settled in for takeoff. Once they were in the air, some of the tension eased. Amy was fast asleep, so Kamilah went to speak to Sam.

"Hello," she said to her.

"Hi," Sam replied.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"Okay," she said, shrugging.

"Amy seems pretty fond of you," she said. "I'd like to get to know you a little better. Would that be alright?"

"Okay," Sam responded.

"Will you tell me how you ended up in that place?"

Sam told Kamilah her story. Kamilah listened intently, her heart breaking.

"I'm sorry," she told her. "You didn't deserve any of this. And I know that Amy did what she could to protect you. She's good like that," Kamilah smiled.

"I'm really glad she was there," Sam said. "I mean, I'm not, but...it was just nice not to be alone."

"Would you..." Kamilah began, before hesitating. "If you would like to talk, about what happened to you there, I am here for you," she said.

Sam began to cry.

"Hey," Kamilah said, pulling the young girl in for a hug. "I'm sorry," she said. "You don't have to tell me anything."

Sam hugged her tightly, relishing the comfort it brought her.

"They had therapies," Sam began. "A few different ones, all meant to...make you straight, I guess?"

Kamilah held the girl as she spoke, listening. Just listening to the torture she endured.

"They would...they tried to stimulate me, then punished me. Shock therapy, really painful penetration...they even brought me close to orgasm and then a man...a man finished. I'm sorry, I just...it's hard."

"No," said Kamilah, "don't apologize. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I just don't want you to feel like you're alone in this."

"Thanks," she said. "Amy helped with that. And you...you came, like she said you would. She told me you'd find her. That you are strong and smart and powerful and you wouldn't stop looking for her. I wish someone had loved me that much." She looked at her hands. "Thank you for rescuing me."

Kamilah was crushed by the girl's words. She was so young, and her parents had done this to her. She had no one to look out for her. No one to put her interests first.

"We're going to take care of you," Kamilah told her. "You have my word."

Part 10

Author's Note: I had the idea to write this after watching a segment about a conversion camp. This has been particularly hard for me to write, but it feels necessary to me to explore the horrors that people exactly like myself have experienced. I wanted to add some resources where people share real stories of their experiences and survivors can go to find help:

National Center for Lesbian Rights

Love is a Rainbow

Article from The Cut

Tag list: @h-doodles @scarlet-letter-a0114 @idkbutkamilah @lightning-fury @galaxyside-0 @blogsupitssam @ilovetaylor13m @la-guera-69 @adrianrainesworld @iam-the-fuckin-queen

#kamilah sayeed x mc #kamilah sayeed #mc x kamilah #kamilah x mc #kamilah #mc x kamilah sayeed #bb kamilah sayeed #bb kamilah #bb choices #choices bb #bb jax #bb adrian #bb lily #lily spencer #adrian raines #jax matsuo #Choices #playchoices #bb&s writes

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comicteaparty · 4 years

Text

Art Resources

Check out this plethora of art-related resources archived from Comic Tea Party’s Art Resources Channel!

RebelVampire

starting this channel off with @Kabocha 's site http://www.shooting-stars.org/ lots of fantastic brushes and materials to use for both photoshop and clip studio(edited)

https://inkarnate.com/ - a nifty site for creating maps. while there is a pro version, the free version still has a lot of features if you just need a map for personal use to reference for your stories.(edited)

https://bodykunposeoftheday.tumblr.com/ - lots of pose photos of the SH Figuarts Body-Kun figures. really great if you want to get some anatomy and pose practice in!(edited)

http://blog.studiominiboss.com/pixelart - if you're a fan of pixel art, this is a hugely great collection of tutorials by Pedro Medeiros. it's got everything from process explanations, animation tips, shading, and more.(edited)

http://terawell.net/terawell/ - Design Doll, a great 3d program solely focused on doll posing. learning to pose the dolls can be a bit of a learning curve, but it can be fantastic if you really need a specific pose reference.(edited)

http://www.yeoldemapmaker.com/ - another map making website. this one is a lot better for interiors, especially if what you want is to just understand the base layout of a room for reference.(edited)

https://www.textures.com/ - a good site for textures. you have to make an account to download them, unfortunately. however, theres tons upon tons of them. for comics they should be safe, but would recommend checking terms for other things.(edited)

Kabocha

Free Software: I have not personally tested all of these programs. Download at your own risk. indicates that I have used it. Pixia: http://www.ne.jp/asahi/mighty/knight/index.html Artweaver: https://www.artweaver.de/en (has paid version) Medibang Paint: https://medibangpaint.com/en/ Krita: https://krita.org/en/ MyPaint: http://mypaint.org/ (Pressure does not work properly on Surface devices newer than the Surface 3) SmoothDraw: http://www.smoothdraw.com/sd Paint.Net: https://www.getpaint.net/ GIMP: https://www.gimp.org/ Pinta: https://pinta-project.com/pintaproject/pinta/ Inkscape: https://inkscape.org/en/

RebelVampire

https://nattosoup.blogspot.com/ - If you aren't familiar with Becca's blog yet, it's really great. while there is an emphasis on watercolor and traditional art supplies, theres honestly just great information all around. processes, supply reviews, and so on!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

http://leifandthorn.com/2018/07/resources-for-making-webcomics/ - resources I've collected over the years. Mostly art stuff (fonts, color harmony, body types, etc), plus some help with website accessibility and some general webcomic podcasts.

Desnik

This is not a free resource so I hope it's okay, but in just a couple of days poring over the first two pages of this book, I'm really feeling a difference in the elasticity of my character's poses. It doesn't get bogged down by medical terminology and sorts parts of the body by 'landmark' instead: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23580472-anatomy-for-sculptors-understanding-the-human-figure

this is speaking as someone who has multiple years of figure drawing practice from life...I wish this book had been out much earlier, it's just amazing

JaSketch

https://www.calligraphr.com/en/ Here’s a free to use website that turns your handwriting into a legit text font, and it works too!

keltyzoid!

speaking of fonts i've actually made a few that are free to use. there's a couple of webcomics i know of that use them. should can i post them?

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/r8wmj4kp2566jbn/AACCrP70zPVLr8h2f5F4d6BIa?dl=0

they're free, no license or credit necessary

kayotics

this is a pretty basic level "how I do comics" but i like to reference these how-to's from Mad Rupert sometimes as a refresh on comics: http://mynameismad.tumblr.com/post/163801383099/hello-in-case-you-havent-heard-the-sakana

lonelytuatara

for any fellow photoshop users who wanna get better at perspective, this video's been really helpful for me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upxBGNcryRs

Delphina

Really helpful Twitter thread about effective paneling! https://twitter.com/h0lysarthole/status/1117464886123089921

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Install old versions of Adobe products for free: https://helpx.adobe.com/creative-suite/kb/cs2-product-downloads.html?promoid=19SCDRQK There are terms & conditions, but the programs don't actually check if you fulfill them. It's up to you to know how much money you've given them, and what you're ethically clear to download in return.

Kabocha

If we're talking about Image Editors, a not-free alternative is Affinity Photo, which is reasonably priced. (I'd look for it to go on sale, but $50 for a perpetual license isn't bad at all!) https://affinity.serif.com/en-us/photo/ Their indesign competitor is in free Beta right now, too: https://affinity.serif.com/en-us/publisher/

Paint.net also still exists: https://www.getpaint.net/

https://www.patreon.com/posts/26834357 In the meantime, here's a post for alternatives to adobe.

https://twitter.com/robochai/status/1124044195092672515

JUNK

https://blog.reimenayee.com/graphic-novel-outline-onion-method/ neat

Hey, I'm sure everyone already knows, but clip studio is on sale for $25 right now! It is (imo) one of the best programs out there for making comics! https://twitter.com/clipstudiopaint/status/1169159411304210432?s=19

MJ Massey

if you're looking for a new display tablet, I found this useful site with tons of tablet reviews! They're organized by size and look at several different brands http://brad.site/reviews/wacom-cintiq-alternatives.html

Attila Polyák

How to draw good looking lightning/electricity! https://www.facebook.com/leesartandmore/photos/a.1370091679712083/2411389295582311/?type=3&theater

seetherabbit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pDE4VX_9Kk

DaeofthePast

Free to use comic font http://purastik.net/ames/e.html

MJ Massey

If you haven't watched Jake Parker's videos, I highly recommend them. They are very informative AND relaxing and encouraging https://www.youtube.com/user/jakeparker44

MJ Massey

GESTURE DRAWINGS! They're important for art practice, especially if you are looking to improve your forms! https://www.quickposes.com/en is my favorite. It has a feature where you can set it to show you different photos every 30-300 seconds to practice gesture drawing!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Just saw this on Twitter. Haven't actually gotten a chance to look at it closely, but I thought other people might also want to take a look https://twitter.com/Worstwizard/status/1183475129084329984?s=09

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

https://twitter.com/noahbradley/status/1185286707819827201?s=09

Attila Polyák

Loads of useful facebbok stuff I meant to post a long time ago, but never got around doing it: https://www.facebook.com/AikaLockheart/photos/a.413147142066258/2235198713194416/?type=3&theater https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=472362883489284&set=a.130547804337462&type=3&theater https://www.facebook.com/geektower/photos/pcb.1089341477902964/1089341267902985/?type=3&theater

MJ Massey

picking pens! From Jake Parker himself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNgYvTI09XE

MJ Massey

for anyone who likes podcasts, I enjoy 3 Point Perspective, particularly their most recent episode on building an online store and making sales https://open.spotify.com/episode/2twCBBjRWZlmzbvWkRoARG?si=N7PiY3UoTJCzq0zZovXsdg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Here's a good reference generator: https://line-of-action.com/

SAWHAND

Hope this counts as a resource, here's a list of Best Comic Covers in a given month by Paste magazine, it goes up to June 2019. It was really helping me get ideas for covers! https://www.pastemagazine.com/search?t=Best+Comic+Book+Covers&m=Galleries

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

This is great!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Ooh, yeah, those are great.

I did a redraw where I added another 7, for shots that aren't in the original that I also get a ton of use out of: https://www.deviantart.com/erinptah/art/29-Panels-That-Always-Work-748887838

carcarchu

ooooh https://twitter.com/cathygjohn/status/1216093817734139904?s=20

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/ClipStudioTips/status/1217058241613651969

renieplayerone

This may have been shared before but i am a HUGE fan of SenshiStock. Their references are so good and ive used their stock photos for a ton of studies and practice too https://twitter.com/SenshiStock

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/celesse/status/1219674655663042561

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/dankelby/status/1220254171049418752

mariah (rainy day dreams)

https://kingofooo.tumblr.com/post/161105648449/by-storyboard-supervisor-erik-fountain-a-few

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

https://twitter.com/ImRachelBradley/status/1216042005698174977?s=19

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/cyanparade/status/1229450046480867328

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Feather J. Fern This is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEvMHRgPdyk

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Javi An oldie I still find useful for learning how to draw people: https://archive.org/details/andrew-loomis-drawing-the-head-hands/mode/2up

Nutty (Court of Roses)

https://twitter.com/Lowtwait/status/1232479451721502725

Artem Ficta (Ring Spell)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlh4PO-ISCA

video that looks into this current humble bundle pack

looks kind of interesting

doomedfrgarden

I'm not sure if Borodante's Over-Paint series has been posted here (I didn't see it, but I don't have my glasses so I can't promise a thorough search), but his digital painting tips have been incredibly helpful and inspiring to me, so I hope it helps someone else here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDKgohjbwY8&list=PL26-CxnLWOfD_h42yjpO44dPAo3-pijgb&index=23

Feather J. Fern

Found something that explains Bleed for comics. https://makingcomics.spiltink.org/pgtemplates/

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

A soft-shading demo I made for@Feather J. Fern & @Artem Ficta (Ring Spell) Sorry this took so long to complete! https://youtu.be/Cyc9EVissw0

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/hanari0716/status/931463182354227201

Mei

For people like me who mess up their bleeds and have to fix them in post, I had this lying in my bookmarks! https://twitter.com/TheDamnThinGuy/status/1190321427314032646?s=20

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There are lots of guides to tangents, and here is one I like a lot! http://curiousoldlibrary.blogspot.com/2011/10/schweizer-guide-to-spotting-tangents.html

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/Sasquatchiix/status/1236987090874667008 This is a visual novel zine but section 2 on resources actually has a lot of cross-over in terms of usability for comic creators, check it out if you feel like testing out some new tools! Update - I read through the articles now and I actually really recommend checking them out too for advice when it comes to story-writing and how to lay it all out(edited)

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

Want to share this with you all! https://creatureartteacher.com/product/fundamentals-of-animation/?fbclid=IwAR0ahSOtdTBPmi0cHQlBpyMK7RveLZXptqcLrFX559KQMOkp-oLjGG9JA_0 Fundamentals of Animation Course Aron Blaise a big disney animator, has an animation Course that take you through the princibles of animation. This course is free for a limited time if you want to learn about animation!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Really cool video I found about pricing your commissions: https://youtu.be/pN4P82Y_3k0

carcarchu

a handy tool for those who work in clip https://twitter.com/2TooToo2/status/1243101802435727360

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I'm not sure if this is the right channel, but I'm going around shouting about how Adobe users can get two months free because of the pandemic this morning. Here's an article about how to do it! https://www.creativebloq.com/news/adobe-payment-holiday?fbclid=IwAR108UH-2fQfvQzyc2STIHZh9H7LOzr1xvOoLPM_7pylHNoQ9isvMDT4wRw

I also made a tweet for easy sharing if you don't want to type your own. https://twitter.com/RainyDayMariah/status/1243573425697742848?s=20

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

https://twitter.com/metalsorcery/status/1247930202073829377?s=19 This is a survey to answer for webcomic creators to get their work featured in this newsletter! Open to every one!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Miranda (Into the Swell) This one's pretty good: https://www.deviantart.com/theinkyway/art/Manga-Studio-5-Clip-Studio-Paint-Brush-Pack-619455926

carcarchu

@Miranda (Into the Swell) this is my ultimate fave http://fav.me/d7s799d

carcarchu

this is handy reference image account that only posts pictures of suits and mundane things https://twitter.com/madarameBK

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Follow Art of Webcomics (on Twitter) which help independent creators host a site and share your page updates: https://series.artofwebcomics.com/(edited)

carcarchu

https://assets.clip-studio.com/en-us/detail?id=1725189 a handy sfx brush for clip studio paint that can help save some time with your process (it's got various effects built in the brush itself so you don't have to have several stroke layers to achieve the effect) it costs 2 dollars

SaltySalmonella

I made an SFX (sound effect) booklet for comic artists who are having difficulty visualizing sounds for their comics. It's free to download on Gumroad! https://gumroad.com/SaltySalmonella#VOZQM

Elliot

https://twitter.com/nicparris/status/1253710231781036043

CoppertheCarutor

I'm not sure if this goes in writing or art resources because it's art based, but the focus is on using colors to aid the story, but I thought this was a pretty neat video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXgFcNUWqX0&feature=emb_logo

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I was looking up some moonlight tutorials for an illustration last night. Figured I'd share~ https://tips.clip-studio.com/en-us/articles/1684

https://www.deviantart.com/ryky/art/MOON-easy-tutorial-399161176

carcarchu

https://youtu.be/LokpJy7KHpE Shilin talks about her thought processes when laying out her comic panels

carcarchu

some free flower assets for clip https://assets.clip-studio.com/ko-kr/search?user=miyage3&order=new

carcarchu

Reimena Yee did an interesting thread on the visual language used in comics https://twitter.com/reimenayee/status/1263755464853995521(edited)

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

yess I was hoping someone would put that up here!!! such a good resource

that reminded me of the 22 panels that always work, something I've been trying to utilize more when I get stuck working: https://cloudfour.com/thinks/22-panels-that-always-work-wally-woods-legendary-productivity-hack/

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

It's so reliable, last year I was able to recreate the whole thing using only pre-existing panels from Leif & Thorn. (Then added another row because there were a few other shots I keep coming back to...) https://leifandthorn.com/comic/erin-ptahs-29-panels-that-always-work/

(Note, there's a horizontal scrollbar under the image, since I uploaded the big version.)

DaeofthePast

found this tutorial/tips on drawing scars that I found useful https://jetfeather.tumblr.com/post/163383759536/i-have-a-hard-time-drawing-scars-how-do-you-do

carcarchu

For those who suffer from pain while drawing: https://twitter.com/lost_paw/status/1271540123688210433

Evil_Chippy (My Hero!)

https://twitter.com/Darchala/status/1272257378881175552?s=20

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

@Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§ Here's the brush pack. The one I used is called "Pensona": https://www.deviantart.com/theinkyway/art/Manga-Studio-5-Clip-Studio-Paint-Brush-Pack-619455926

carcarchu

How to draw a lot of books https://twitter.com/yoshida_seiji/status/1200432951671939073

carcarchu

Mentorship directory for this interested in that kind of thing https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1vfcr_F0utixw7D-rsbUoId1kwU2Ee_c_jXy2r5df-Jc/edit?usp=sharing

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

https://www.lackadaisy.com/exhibit.php?exhibitid=333 A fun tutorial on drawing expressions

carcarchu

A really comprehensive look into the panel border tool in clip https://professorfaf.tumblr.com/post/178927411355/comic-paneling-tools-in-clip-studio-paint Great for beginners but even if you're already acquainted with them it's helpful for finding out things you may not have even realized

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED289uthfNQ&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR1ka0j6gwtFcj5aXS8wIj-zpgwaYiI2ncP-g4Tn6hL0h4VFa-rKn6MM_1Q this is my old illustration instructor who did a tutorial on watercolour if anyone was interested in the medium! her stuff is so vibrant and solid, and i was so happy to have her as my old prof!

CoppertheCarutor

Light bounce! https://twitter.com/KikiDoodleTweet/status/1276565894051753984?s=19

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/Ghadaaax/status/1277158331761807360 helpful tips!

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

Colorist K Michael Russell has been streaming nightly as he colors pages from comics he's working on, while giving tips and insight into his thought process: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCps08eOJfFRm00TE5LStIIg

carcarchu

Advice on how to utilize speedlines https://youtu.be/Y_3Rbjn_0r0

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just have to plug this amazing program here: https://affinity.serif.com/en-gb/publisher/ It's basically a replacement program for Adobe inDesign, but waaay cheaper. If you're like me and have sworn off Adobe, I highly recommend it. I've been messing with it all day to begin setting up my first volume for print, and I love it so far, especially after trying other budget publishing softwares. Can't recommend it enough.

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

hii! https://www.dropbox.com/sh/m8yv10gevqv2x5s/AACVoWTvK-B7qB1yRGUZadB5a?dl=0 Here is a little gallery of fat bodies!

carcarchu

world building tool thing https://www.worldanvil.com/artist i haven't tried it out yet but it looks interesting!

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/soteikat/status/1285036231592558592 takie made some free to use comic resources!

carcarchu

https://twitter.com/aeipathea/status/1285048061518061569

carcarchu

it is a website that shares dimensions for things. Helpful for referencing proportions https://www.dimensions.com/(edited)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I don't necessarily agreed with everything they said, but it's still a good video, and I definitely agree with many of the points they brought up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZQKeHnKK90

Especically the "stop drawing _" advice

I dealt with that a lot in school

#ctparchive

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euphoriacrossing · 4 years

Text

So while I sit here trying to get normal balloon spawns...

I may as well write a blog. I am using a guide post on how to catch normal balloon spawns to try and get more cherry blossom recipes. Well I am only half using it.. I am camping on the beach waiting for normal balloon spawns instead of going there every 0/5 ending minute. I'll share the guide on here after this if I remember, but I already got one new cherry blossom recipe just by camping on the side of the beach that balloon spawns are coming from and ignoring the bunny day balloons, so I think this could work, too.

Anyway, now story mode is over, but I still have so, so much to do that it's not even funny. I am making it my main priority to save miles up to buy all the different paths and stuff. I think I have three left to buy so roughly 6,000 miles to earn. But saving miles means making less bells as Nook mile trips are where I made the most, I think. And now I can't take them because I have no miles/am saving miles and so I don't have the bells to pay off my house or to build a new bridge or any of the things I am saving for. But in part the fact it is harder to save bells just makes it feel like I have more to do and that is comforting in a way. I want the appeal of this game to last forever but I know my brain doesn't work like that. Still for now it's the best distraction I have and I'm grateful for it.

Having the ability to make paths is tough because it's just another million decisions to make and hope I get it right or can redo it better or whatever, so that Euphoria becomes the island I dreamed it could be. Right now I have a lot of dirt paths and I think they look okay. But I plan on redoing them someday with either custom paths or maybe just the arched tile ones... I like that path style. Still I started when I just had dirt so I just kind of kept going that way.

It looks alright, I think, especially at the entrance. I haven't finished a lot of the paths on either the right (residential) side or the left (wooded area/orchard) but I have mostly finished the center which is shops and such.

(So far I've gotten a normal balloon spawn every 5 minutes! So it works to just hang around the beach and then look for the spawns at every 0 and 5 ending minute. Edit: Aw, nope just didn't get that last one... I am probably doing something wrong then. Oops Edit2: Definitely doing something wrong. Didn't get a spawn again. Oh well I'll check the guide again once I finish this post. I am also watching for wishing stars so it won't be a total waste.. though I haven't seen any of those either. Last edit: Guide said spawns don't happen every time AND I just got another regular balloon, so maybe I'm fine? I hope I am not just wasting time.)

I am moving most of the houses before I do the paths on that side which is ANOTHER expense for sure, but after seeing a couple of my friend's islands, I knew I could make the houses probably a bit straighter and I decided I want them not quite as closer together as I want everyone to be able to have a yard. One of my friends has houses that are PIN straight and have little yards to them. I don't think I can accomplish that. But I do think I can space them out far enough to fence them in and have little yards.

So I started with the last to move in which was Marina. I put her in a space both by the beach, and by my house because even though she just moved in we're absolute besties. No but honestly, I love her. She sings like everywhere she goes and it's adorable.

I would move Beau next but I think he might stay close to where he is. Unfortunately if I have to move him a little bit I first have to move his house out of the way and then move it back because you can't move buildings just a tad, you have to find a whole new spot. This is why I had to move the whole museum to a new spot as it was slightly out of line and i couldn't just move it to where it lined up. I wish i had known this when i put things there. I didn't take care placing anything because I knew it could be moved. I only ASSUMED it could be moved a small amount as well especially since I assumed correctly that you were paying for it. But no, so oh well, now I have to come up with new spots for things, that's fine. Luckily both Nook's Cranny and the Able Sisters I got in perfect alignment with resident services like I wanted to so they're all on one straight path.

Anyway, I hope I can get it looking like i want it to. I thought that decorating it how I wanted would be the hardest because I still need to find all the furniture. But the paths might give that a run for it's money when we talk about difficulty level if you include trying to get all the houses in the right position and such.

But as hard as I've been "working" (it's definitely still fun or I wouldn't do it) I have found plenty of time for play as well. Yesterday morning I visited a friend for her KK Slider concert. I luckily have a good group of friends from a discord I'm part of and a lot of them are from other countries so they experience stuff before I do and things like that. So a bunch of us visited her for her KK concert and we did some of that...

And then things got a little wild...

Lol, it was fun. I thought for a second about the state of the world but I didn't panic thankfully. I just saw a bunch of us coming together from across the globe, some of us in quaratine, almost all of us at least ADVISED not to go out unless necessary. The world is a scary place right now, but the fact we could still come together from across the globe to be silly and enjoy a game together makes me feel like everything might be alright. I mean, it would still be cool even if these things weren't going on, but the fact they are abd socialization is becoming more difficult than ever, it's cool to see an alternate means of that in action.

I can't believe I took no pictures of her super straight houses, ugh, if I go again, I will have to, they are literally perfect.

And the weirdest thing about all of this to me is how included i feel in all of this. We're all on a small AC discord together and it seems like a lot of them have maybe known each other a while. But unlike a lot of other places it doesn't feel cliquey to me. I've always been welcome to come to their islands, and they have always been very courteous when any of them have come to mine. They act as happy to see me as they do anyone else. And I've only known them a short time so it would usually feel strange to call them "friends" but it doesn't. Now obviously they could feel differently but if they do they don't show it. I am incredibly grateful to have found them. I really couldn't ask for a better group of people to play with.

I actually was invited from this tumblr. Likely after I made some kind of post about not feeling like I belonged in the AC community or something similarly emo and whiny, I'm sure. So I am surprised I was invited at all, but I am so thankful I was. It was just what i was looking for in the AC community.

(Yes! I learned cherry blossom umbrella! Balloon hunting is going fairly well considering I only had like two of the cherry blossom DIYs total before I started and now in about an hour I've doubled that.)

I do have some facebook friends and such I have play AC with, and I am also grateful for them as well of course. It has brought us closer together and I am thankful for that. I have one friend who we constantly send each other gifts like if we accidentally got two of something or a DIY we already have or just if we think something is cool, it's really fun. I enjoy mail as much in game as I do in real life.

But yeah, I was nervous when this game first came out that I would be stuck playing just with my sister. And don't get me wrong I love playing the game with her, we always have a good time. But sometimes you need socialization beyond your own family and I really saw this as my one chance to connect since I'm not very social, I am very anxious, and I just struggle with these things. I may have been right about it being my best chance at connection because I can hide a lot of the awkwardness in game. Very thankfully though, I found people who accept what I can't hide in game. And who accept me. For some reason that's just been really hard to do. Every community I am a part of I feel like an outsider until now. But yeah, I am looking forward to a continued friendship with these people and continuing to enjoy the game moving forward.

I guess I've rambled enough. I still need to get more balloons, but I can't write here forever. Though... I frequently do write far too much here and I wonder if it get read. If it doesn't I don't blame ya. But yeah. I will leave you with this adorable pic I took while Marina was singing... you can't really tell she was singing, but still, she's adorable either way.

(And don't you love this dress? I have it in I think 4 different colors, I just love it.)

#personal #text post #ACNH #Animal Crossing #New Horizons #Euphoria #friends

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