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wooyunhwa · 4 years

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kingdom of welcome addiction | three

view pinned post for masterlist / links to the rest of the parts!

Genre: smut

Pairing: demon!san x fem!reader

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: graphic violence, blood drinking, overstimulation, orgasm denial, crying kink, corruption kink, praise kink? idk, alcohol drinking, virgin mc

Synopsis: When you accidentally summon a bloodthirsty demon boy to your bedroom, you form an unexpected contract with him.

A/N: I’m a little too whipped for this san tbh,,, Thank you for reading and comments are super appreciated as always!

“Go talk to him!”

“Yuri, he’s way out of my—”

“C’mon, you look hot! You haven’t been out with us in like, over a month. Have some fun for once.”

“The worst he could do is reject you,” Chaeyeon piped in at your side.

Easy for them to say. Your friends were practically models, of course they would think getting a guy's number was easy.

But either way, you couldn’t take your eyes off him all night. Tall, perfectly proportioned, entirely graceful. His jet-black undercut hair was styled up neatly in such a way that one side fell gracefully over his eyes. Admittedly, he was no San, but he was gorgeous. There was no way you’d be able to get his number, but your friends were right about one thing. You could really use some fun.

You knocked back the rest of your drink, and it stung the back of your throat just enough to give you the confidence you needed to approach him.

Your friends watched, mouths agape as you somehow managed to score his number—he typed it into your phone with graceful fingers, caching in into your contacts under the name Seonghwa. A fittingly pretty name for such a gorgeous man. When you walked back to the table, your friends' eyes were wide in both jealousy and shock, and you felt incredibly powerful for just a moment.

“The way you’re looking at me, it seems like you didn’t think I’d actually get it,” you joked, leaning against the table to stir the ice in your empty glass mindlessly.

“Well, uh... we kind of didn’t. Not that you’re not pretty or anything, but that guy is out of all our leagues. Like pretty much everyone in this bar’s league, actually.”

“No guarantee he’ll actually call me. It could be a fake number,” you shrugged.

You kind of couldn’t believe you were able to get his number either, but it did give you a much needed confidence boost. You didn’t need your demon boy anymore, you could actually get a human. A gorgeous one at that. Of course, this human boy probably wouldn’t clean your bathroom for you. Or look so goddamn hot doing it.

You glanced around the bar confidently, making eye contact with Seonghwa and giving him a flirtatious wink.

You weren’t usually big into going to bars, even with your friends. Rather, you preferred a chill night in watching movies or playing Cards Against Humanity. But your friends had been nagging you for nearly a month to go out with them, their constant invites finally coming to a head when you accepted out of the blue. You’d been so focused on your secret nightly rendezvous with the hot demon boy in your bedroom that you’d rejected them over and over, blaming a “mountain of school work” and “midterm stress”. While both of those things were true, you had basically discarded your social life to lust over a pretty demon boy. You knew now that he was a bad idea, and you needed to move on.

For the last week, you’d been agonizing over him. You hadn’t re-summoned him since you saw him last—the night he choked you until you passed out with his dick inside you. There were two big reasons for this.

First, you were a bit embarrassed for passing out on him, although you knew that was nowhere near your fault. Your first time with a guy, and you pass out? Of course, his demonic hands were around your throat literally asphyxiating you, but you still felt slightly ashamed at the idea of him seeing you like that, and even taking the time to re-clothe you afterwards. You didn’t know if you could even look him in the eyes after that.

Secondly, and this was admittedly the biggest reason: you knew that you were no longer desirable to him. Your appeal to him was undoubtedly your virgin tears, blood, aura, whatever. You were a virgin, your very presence was like crack to him. But you’d fucked him. Well, started anyway, but it definitely counted. You weren’t a virgin anymore, not by his instinctual demon standards at least—not in the way he needed you to be. And what were you without your virginity other than some insignificant human soul in an endless sea of human souls? He didn’t need you anymore.

But there was also the issue of the fact that he wasn’t human, and never would be. If all you did was contract him into sex, wouldn’t that just make him your demon prostitute who cleans your house sometimes? You didn’t have a contract last time, but it wouldn’t matter now anyway. There was no way he’d risk going contract-less again, especially if you weren’t a virgin anymore.

So you decided to move on. He was bad for you in every way, a bad habit you needed to break. An addiction you needed to give up on.

But it was certainly easier said than done.

He haunted you, in your dreams, and even while you were awake. His post-it on your wall, taunting you, although you didn’t have the heart to rip it off. It wouldn’t matter if you did, anyway, you’d memorized his summoning phrase by heart. It was practically burned into you like a brand—a constant reminder of his hold on you. Even the inhuman taste of his lips lingered on yours for far longer than they should have.

You shook your thoughts of San from your head the best you could, refocusing on just having a good time tonight. You almost forgot the outside world existed with how much you’d been isolated with San in your apartment. It felt nice.

You finished your night with a few more drinks, waving bye to your friends as they hopped in their ride-share. The bar wasn’t far from your apartment, and you lived in a relatively safe neighborhood, so you weren’t exactly worried about walking home by yourself at night.

You had been drinking, but you didn’t necessarily feel drunk, perhaps just a little wobbly as you made your way through the neighborhood. A sign reading “road construction” blocked your path, and you noticed the sidewalk was completely cut off for the next few blocks. Walking all the way around would have taken forever, so you chose to cut through an alleyway to access the back entrance of your building. It was one you were familiar with—you’d taken it several times when you wanted to cut down your trip, but never at night. You walked through, keeping close to the wall lining the side because it offered the most visibility. It was quite dim, only the dull flickering of a rusty street light overhead giving any sense of light.

Then you saw it.

To your left, you caught a glimpse of crimson red shining almost like neon in the dim, flickering light of the alley, and then a glimpse of a fang sparkling bright white. You stumbled back, hitting the brick wall behind you.

“Where ya goin’?” he taunted, taking another step forward. You couldn’t make out the features, but they were distinctly demonic. Your fight or flight instinct kicked in, except you somehow skipped right past those and straight to “freeze”. You were entirely frozen in place, your limbs scrambling to decide the best path of action. “A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be out here all alone.”

You darted to the right just as he closed in, immediately tripping over your own feet into the closest object, a dumpster. You turned on your heels to see his fangs bared fully, pearly and bright in the dark alley.

You opened your mouth to scream, but the sound was suddenly dampened. A hand clamped over your mouth with a suffocating force. Before you could realize what was happening, you were shoved to your knees, skin scraping against the cold pavement.

“Don’t move,” a voice hissed in your ear. San. You’d know that deep voice anywhere. You tried to choke out a few useless words, but your voice was helplessly muffled beneath the hand viced against your mouth. “Be quiet. I’m saving your life.”

He shoved you by the shoulders behind a stack of large wooden crates next to the dumpster. You kept your head down, but you could make out their silhouettes in the dim light, although San’s figure blocked your eye line from getting a good view of the aggressor.

"Low life," San growled, his words spitting out venomously. "What, you have nothing better to do than hunt humans? Pathetic."

You heard the harsh, gritty tone of the figure speak, still veiled in the shadows. "San?" The figure laughed jovially. Something about it was incredibly unsettling. "What are you, some sort of human patrol? Or do you just want her for yourself?"

"She's mine," he hissed. You couldn't see his face, but you could picture it twisting in anger from how maliciously he spat out his words.

"Yours, huh? I know you like ‘em pure, but not enough to take another demon's prey."

Was he implying you were still a virgin? But that wasn't—

"Leave," San snarled. "Before you make me do something we'll both regret."

The figure took a step forward, unveiling himself in the light, though you could still barely make it out from behind the crates and with San’s figure blocking your view.

“Fuck off. I was here first,” the demon spat.

“I said… she’s mine.”

San lunged forward, but the demon dodged easily, throwing his fist forward to land a blow on San’s cheek. San shook his head furiously before moving to throw his own punch.

The demon ducked to evade, but San anticipated it. His figure whipped around to the back of the demon, his body moving like a flash, almost as if he had phased out of reality. He swung his leg up with a fierce kick, sending the aggressor flying back into the alley wall, cracking the bricks in a cartoonish circle around him. You had no idea he could fight like that.

The demon faltered to his feet, shaking his limbs out casually like it was nothing. These demons were no joke—you wouldn’t have stood a chance running from him if San hadn’t been there. You’d be dead.

The demon's mouth curled up into a snarl, baring his fangs ferociously as he lunged in San’s direction. San evaded easily, flashing around to his opponent’s side.

“You’re clearly not very bright,” San taunted, delivering another kick to his core. The demon fell back again, lurching forward over his stomach with a pained gasp. He staggered against the wall, lifting his gaze to San closing in.

San had him entirely cornered. His hand viced around the other demon’s throat, holding him in the air with a surprising display of strength. The demon’s feet scrambled hopelessly to find the concrete, dangling inches above the ground. Is that the kind of strength he was capable of? Holding up an entire body in the air as effortlessly as he would toasting a champagne glass?

San shot a glance over his shoulder, black eyes glistening villainously under the dim lights. "Close your eyes, lamb. You're not gonna want to see this one. Trust me."

Your eyes squeezed together just in time for you to hear a sickening crack of bones snapping. Then complete, deafening silence for a moment.

You cracked one eye open as you heard his footsteps approaching you slowly. Your vision adjusted to see him knelt in front of you, seemingly surveying you for injury.

"What the fuck was that?" you choked out. “Why was he—”

"He’s a rogue demon," he explained, shooting a deathly glare at the decapitated corpse. The sight was grisly, but somehow, the fact that the body wasn’t entirely human gave you some degree of solace. "Patrolling for souls. You’re an easy target. They can smell your pretty scent from a mile away."

You took another glance at the fresh corpse, stomach churning at the gruesome sight. His head was ripped cleanly off. Did San just do that with his bare hands?

San gripped on to your forearm, squeezing hard. You noticed his hand shaking, just slightly. "C'mon. We need to go. Where there's one rogue, there's bound to be more. You smell like a walking piece of meat right now to them. If there's more, they know you're here." He tugged you to your feet. “Lead me to your apartment, okay darling? It’s close, hmm? Until then, you need to stay quiet. You talking—well, let’s just say it makes you easier to detect.”

You walked hesitantly but briskly the rest of the way to your apartment, legs shaking beneath you with every step. San kept a protective arm wrapped tightly around the small of your waist the whole way, but you couldn’t help but feel shaky.

The minute you got home, all the questions you wanted to ask him flooded your brain. He guided you by the shoulders to the bedroom first, shutting the door behind you as if you had something to hide, despite being alone in the apartment.

He opened his mouth to speak, but you wouldn’t give him the chance.

“How did you find me?” you barked. “I haven’t summoned you in over a week. How did you know where I was?”

“I know,” he grumbled under his breath. Was he keeping track of the days like you were? You didn’t think he cared. “I’ve been, uh... I’ve been keeping an eye on you,” he responded, shifting his eyes to the side for a minute. Breaking eye contact wasn’t like him.

“You’ve been doing what? Like spying on me? I didn’t know demons could watch over humans like that. I thought you just came when you were called.”

“We can’t. We’re not like angels.”

“Angels? Ugh, never mind, not the point. So how did you—”

“I have some connections. It doesn’t really matter. The point is, I saved you back there. And you need to be more careful.”

You sighed. “What, so you care now?”

San nodded hesitantly. “I—I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I care a bit more than I should. About you.” His eyes drew up to yours, reeling you in like a magnetic pull. Except his gaze was less fierce than usual, just intense. Serious.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I try to stay objective. About humans. It’s my job. Write contacts, steal souls. I’m not supposed to feel anything. And I’m certainly not supposed to alter fate to save one.”

Alter fate? Were you supposed to die tonight?

You paused. You were suddenly incredibly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation, despite the implications of what he was saying. You were falling head first for him, but you couldn’t afford to have your heart broken. You were trying to move on.

“Can you get me some water? My head is killing me,” you asked quickly, hoping you could change the subject when he came back.

He nodded, hoisting himself up from the edge of the bed, and came back with the glass, setting it on the night table gingerly. He was being uncomfortably gentle, and you weren’t exactly sure what to do with him.

“I have a question,” you started hesitantly, using the lull in the conversation to move it elsewhere. “The demon. In the alley. He said I was pure. What did he mean? Because we—”

He gritted his teeth. “I’m not sure either. We certainly did do that, but I can smell it too, unmistakably. I’d know that scent anywhere. It’s driving me insane.”

“So I’m...”

“Still a virgin,” he finished. His tongue drew over his lip between the slight part of his teeth in thought. “I can only guess it’s because I’m not human. My body is, but only technically.” His eyes trained on you again, this time glimmering with a hint of desire. “Speaking of. Your smell is entirely distracting to me right now.”

He wasn’t the only one distracted. You hadn’t entirely forgotten what he looked like, of course, but you were still surprised every time you saw him. He looked hellishly attractive, glistening lightly with sweat, shirt clinging to his muscles tightly. You weren’t being subtle as you glanced at him up and down, practically drooling. You saw a familiar smirk twitch up on his lips, flashing and a brief display of fangs. “What’s that look for, lamb? Hmm? You look cute when you’re drooling over me.”

You shook your head, embarrassed. “Don’t you need to be going anyway?”

He leaned forward slightly, just enough to be able to reach you with his hand, brushing it along the cut of your jaw. “I wouldn’t feel right leaving you here tonight. Alone. If the rogues caught on to your scent, they’d be able to track you here.”

“But won’t you get in trouble without a contract?”

“Who says we can’t make one now?” he asked, fixing his gaze directly with yours. He was right. You hadn’t really thought of that.

“Alright, let’s say I asked you to guard me tonight. What do I give you in return?”

“Your body.” You paused, breath hitching in your throat as he dragged his fingernail along the skin of your neck again. “You’re free to decline but… I’m hoping you’d want to finish what we started as much as I do.” You glanced at your phone on the nightstand for a moment in thought, breaking eye contact, but he tipped your chin up to meet yours immediately. “What are you thinking about, darling, hm? That boy who gave you his number?”

“How did you—”

“I told you. I’ve been watching,” he explained with a charming smile.

“Asshole. That’s creepy,” you grumbled through your teeth. It was creepy, but another part of you couldn’t help but be flattered.

“So, what do you say?” he asked eagerly, leaning in until you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.

You couldn’t deny, his body had been on your mind pretty much constantly since you’d seen him last. You craved the feeling of him inside of you again, the warm closeness of his skin pressed against yours, his hands exploring every inch of you. Most of all, you craved the hungry, insatiable way he looked at you, that made you feel desired in a way you’d never felt before.

“You’re not gonna choke me out again?” you teased, but you already knew your answer, pretty much either way.

“No promises.” He winked charmingly, brushing his lips against yours. A tingle rocketed through your spine, the single fleeting taste of his lips the only incentive you needed for your next words.

“It’s a deal,” you confirmed, leaning into the feeling of his lips against yours. He pulled away with a teasing smirk.

“Such a needy little human. Don’t get too eager, now. I like to have a little fun with my prey first.” He winked, flashing his fangs. You imagined them sinking into your skin, the sensation of his tongue dragging along your wound. You couldn’t believe how addicted you were to being a glorified blood donor for a sadistic house-demon.

You whined a bit as he pulled away, breaking all contact with you.

“San—”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth mockingly. “Needy little thing. Don’t worry, we’ll have our fun tonight. On my terms, of course.”

He teased you mercilessly as you went about your night, brushing himself up against you in the kitchen, lingering his lips just over your skin as he spoke to you and pulling away right when you tried to make a move. The restraint he was exercising just to get a rise out of you was impressive, and you pretty much fell right in his trap. You were squirming at the mere idea of his touch, knees nearly buckling under you every time he brushed against you. You were going mad.

You were washing dishes in the kitchen after eating a quick midnight snack with him. Your drinking in the bar earlier had you hungry for whatever was around, and due to the quickly growing pain of arousal, you wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon.

You felt his hands around your waist first, pulling your back into him from behind, his lips littering feather-light kisses on the back of your neck. Your hair stood on end, goosebumps pilling up on your arms as he kissed so very lightly. He nipped lightly a few times at the surface of your skin, fangs grazing sharply against the nape of your neck, then moving down to your shoulders, pulling down the collar of your shirt to get better access.

You felt him growing hard against you from behind, his rock hard bulge pressing into your ass. You wiggled against it, and he delivered a harsh bite to the skin of your shoulder blades, not daring to break skin yet.

“Don’t tease me, lamb,” he purred against your skin, administering a harsh slap to the side of your ass. You hissed at the sting, but you couldn’t help but tease him again to see his next move. You pushed your hips back with a stronger force now, rocking your ass up against the form of his dick through his pants. A low growl rolled through his throat. “Testing me, hmm? Someone’s getting brave.”

You felt his teeth sink into the flesh of the back of your neck, and you whimpered at the sudden pain. He lapped at it slowly, softly, seemingly savoring every taste. You whined as he drew his tongue across your skin. “So… how do I punish you? I told you we were on my terms,” he sang sweetly in your skin, almost menacingly.

His hand traveled from your waist to the waistband of your small pajama shorts, pushing his fingers down to tease you through the fabric of your panties. You couldn’t help but let out small pants and moans as he finally gave attention to the dripping wet neediness between your legs, but you still needed more. He circled his index finger around your clit excruciatingly slowly. The sensation of his tongue on your skin and his touch through your underwear was almost more painful than none at all. You squirmed and writhed under the touch you’d been craving all night, letting out breathy moans as all your arousal from the night compounded.

He flipped you around suddenly, your back making contact with the cold counter. He lifted your shirt off, and you fumbled with the hem of his shirt, grasping desperately as you tried to remove it from his head. He smirked against your lips as he picked you up by the hips, hoisting you up like you weighed nothing. You clawed at him desperately to keep your balance as he led you to the bedroom, tossing you back on your bed like a toy. He stripped himself fully, his dick springing out from his pants excitedly.

His eyes trained on your body hungrily as he crawled over you. “We’re playing by my rules today. Be a good girl, okay?”

You nodded, eagerly accepting whatever terms he had in order to feel him against you. You weren’t quite expecting his next words, though.

“You don’t cum unless I tell you to. And trust me, darling. You don’t want to know what happens if you disobey.” His lips twitched into a sadistic smile, marveling at your body as he kissed down torturously slow. He ripped your shorts, then your underwear, teasing his tongue and lips over your thighs for a while as you squirmed. Then, finally, giving you what you desired most. His tongue against your clit, warm and wet, washing you over with immediate pleasure like you’d never felt before.

The sensation of his tongue against you was almost more than you could handle, and you were practically writhing and thrashing at the sensitivity. Heat rose in your core, flooding through your whole body. Your every nerve felt like it was on fire. He worked his tongue devilishly, leaving no part of your pussy untouched, dancing it along your clit like it was his only reason for existing. His tongue practically worshipped you, and you ate up the soft moans and growls that escaped him. His eyes were darker, but not fully consumed with black yet, as he glanced up from between your legs for only a moment, before going back in hungrily.

It was getting harder, nearly impossible actually, to keep your body from rocking itself into orgasm. It built inside you, a knot twisting at the base of your stomach, ready to burst at any moment. “San, please can I—”

“Cute. Begging. It won’t get you anywhere, darling,” he sang mockingly, his hot breaths washing over you.

“Please—” Tears spilled over in your eyes, pouring down your cheeks as the sensations intensified seemingly exponentially. “Please please please,” you pleaded, not caring how desperate you sounded. You couldn’t take it.

“There are those pretty, pretty tears,” he cooed. “Keep crying for me baby, then maybe I’ll consider letting you cum.”

Not that you had a choice, but you obeyed. The tears came and came as you thrashed under him, holding yourself back so much that you ached. You’d never been so restrained, for a moment you even wondered if this is what San felt like every day when holding back his urges.

He came up from between your legs for a moment to lick the salty tears from your face, dragging a fingernail under your chin. You squirmed needily under him, and although you knew begging wouldn’t get you anywhere, you felt you had no choice.

“San—”

“Yes, lamb?” He met your eyes, and you could barely keep them open with the overwhelming sensations.

“Please, I need you to… please. I can’t take it anymore.”

His wet tongue slid over your cheek, lingering his fangs over for a moment, then came up to meet your gaze. “Fine. I’ve had my fun for now, I suppose. But keep crying for me, mmkay? You’re cute when you’re helpless.”

He made his way back down, torturing his lips over every inch of your shoulders, breasts, stomach, hips, until finally settling between your legs again. The first brush of his tongue was nearly enough to send you over the edge, but you held out for a few moments, letting him get your completely riled up again.

His fingers found their way inside you, only pumping a few times before you were completely putty in his hands. You shook as the orgasm rocked through you violently. San gripped your hips tightly as you thrashed, keeping you steady. You’d never cum so hard in your life, even when picturing San while you worked your vibrator. Somehow, he was ten times better. A million times, even.

“Good girl,” he praised, stroking your stomach for a few moments before going back in with his tongue. You couldn’t control your hips from bucking violently as he lapped at your folds, completely drenched from your orgasm. You cried out—the sensitivity was almost too much to bear. “Now be a good girl for me and cum again.”

“Ah—sensitive—” you whined, thrashing against his hands holding you down. You felt him smirk against you, indicating he knew exactly what he was doing. It took him barely even a few minutes to work you into your second orgasm, whimpering and shaking as you came down. Tears leaked from your eyes, some left over from your original bout, some fresh from the overstimulation. He came back up to lick them off your cheeks with a satisfied grin.

“Good little lamb,” he purred. You loved his praise, even if it had a condescending sting to it, it felt so amazing dripping like honey in your ears.

You were surprised how well he was keeping himself together, unlike your previous sexual encounter with him, where he’d completely lost control to his demon instincts. His eyes were darker than usual, a deep, sinister blood red, but not black. Nowhere near. That was a part of him you wished you didn’t have to see again.

You writhed under his touch as he swiped a finger between your folds, testing your wetness. “I’ll try to be gentle for this one,” he growled. “No promises.”

“Fuck me, please,” you breathed against his lips, bringing your hand down to guide the tip of his dick right between your legs.

He thrust in slowly at first, taking his time adjusting to every small movement. He shook as you watched his eyes flicker to black for a moment, then back to red, again to black, then red, as if he was fighting with himself. He pushed all the way in this time, bottoming out inside of you. You cried out, experiencing such complete fullness for the first time. He wasn’t enormous, in fact you’d say his cock was just the perfect size, but he was much bigger than any toy you’d ever used.

“Fuck, those pretty little noises are gonna drive me crazy,” he growled lustfully, thrusting out and then in again fully. You threw your head back in pleasure, taking in every sensation of him stretching you out, his dick hitting exactly the right curves inside you, places you didn’t even realize he could reach.

He fisted his hands in the sheets beside your head as he thrust in and out, alternating slow and fast in a way that made your head spin completely. He kept eye contact with you the entire time, the same hungry and magnetic gaze he always had, except there was something beneath the surface this time. Something softer, almost loving. You didn’t have a mind for romance now, though.

Your mind could only process the feeling of him inside you. His fingernails dug into the sheets with so much force you swore they were going to rip to shreds in his grip. He latched his teeth onto your neck forcefully, drawing blood. At the same time, you felt him lurch inside of you, shaking and growling as he spilled out inside you. Warm cum dripped around his dick as he slid out slowly, and there was another warm sensation you could make out—blood spilling from your neck.

“San—San—towel, now,” you demanded anxiously, the two dripping fluids making you feel a bit uneasy. He took care of the cum first, wiping it off the blanket, then lapped his tongue on your wound a few times before sticking a bandage on it. Where did he get that, anyway?

“You’re a mess,” he commented teasingly, a cheeky flash of fangs dancing up on his lips.

“Yeah, thanks to you,” you grumbled, running your palm over the bandages securing your bite marks. “I can’t believe you didn’t… y’know.”

“Lose it?”

“Yeah. That.”

“Trust me darling, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Your taste is especially intoxicating. Your pussy tastes even better than your blood, somehow.”

You laughed at the unexpected compliment. It felt weird for such a hot guy to be talking to you about the taste of your pussy at 2am. A demon, no less. You almost felt embarrassed in his gaze, despite just fucking so intensely. You were suddenly incredibly self-conscious about your naked body as he watched you. You wrapped yourself in your hands, shrinking down slightly as you concealed your body from his gaze.

“Hey, stop that,” he said firmly. “Why are you hiding? Your body is incredible. I’d say you look like an angel, but we kinda hate those where I’m from.” He smiled gently. “But you do look divine.”

Heat rose through your cheeks, staining them red. He’d always complimented your smell, your taste—he’d never praised your body before. You motioned towards the closet, and he tossed you a shirt reluctantly. You threw it quickly over your head, still feeling bashful despite his nice comment.

You fell asleep shortly after getting cleaned up, tucked neatly into your bed by your sweet house-demon.

Demons, you learned, didn’t need sleep, despite their human need for practically everything else—food, massages, sex. You had forgotten for a moment why he was even there in the first place, the sex having completely over-ridden the events of the day beforehand. You forgot all about being potentially in danger, your mind only filled with thoughts of San.

He sat by your side all night, or so you knew from what he told you the next morning. He said you were cute when you sleep. His lamb. The idea of him watching over you protectively all night made your heart ache, in a way both good and bad. You weren’t sure if you could say it for sure yet, but you were falling in love with him.

But it could never work between you. It was too good to be true. It had to be.

#san smut #choi san smut #yunho smut #ateez smut #choi san #wooyoung smut #hongjoong smut #ateez fic #mingi smut #yeosang smut

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tinacentury · 3 years

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20 Questions Writer’s Edition

Thanks, @kasienda! You know I’m a sucker for these types of games, and this was a good escape during what has been kind of a crappy week :).

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13, although it’s more like 9 since four of those are in one collection before I knew how to organize stuff on Ao3.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

69,932.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Just the one, Sailor Moon from 2018 until now. I also wrote Sailor Moon fic in the early 2000s, but thankfully none of that is connected to my current accounts.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I don’t super duper like looking at kudos as a measure of success (possibly because mine are relatively low, but here it is):

1. Familial Eyes (this surprised me a bit)

2. Belonging (this did not surprise me at all)

3. Contrition (yes, this checks out)

4. My Own Little Stage: A Collection of Prompts (super proud to see this one here)

5. Lemonade Stand (yes people like smut)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

On Ao3, yes, I try to (ff is a very different and clunky story). I do it for a few reasons: I made my first fandom friends that way, and, as much as I don’t have a ton of time at the moment, I do still think forming relationships, even small ones, with people across the world based on a niche shared interest is cool. Second, I know that it can sometimes feel like you’re taking a risk when you put yourself out there and get met by radio silence. I don’t think responses to comments are owed because I’m very big on everyone setting their own boundaries for participation in fandom, but I think they’re nice, so I try to do it when I can.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It’s probably a tie between

-Contrition

-Day 3/Memory from usamamo week 2019

-“I thought you knew” from My Own Little Stage

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Probably Belonging. I was going for fluff with a happy ending, and it’s got probably the most traditional plot arc of anything I’ve written.

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

Lol absolutely not.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nothing terrible, but occasionally something like “this is boring.” Which, ok? Don’t read it, then. I did get some meaner stuff on my old fics back in the day, which I probably why I, to this day, deflect by saying how bad those were up front. However, Kasienda once pointed out that I should probably be nicer to middle school me who was writing full-length stories in her spare time. Anyway, I’ve wondered before how I would react to hate on a fic. I did once get Tumblr hate about my family, and that really fucked with me for a few days where I withdrew and just didn’t engage in internet life. So, would I react that way? I’d like to think no, that I would definitely be upset, but not to that extent. I suspect that my initial response would be to snarkily straight-up feed the troll, which could possibly backfire but also be a fair amount of fun until it did. TBH I might also be so preoccupied with other stuff that I’d be like “Ok, mean internet stranger. Fuck off; I have more important things to worry about.” It probably helps that, given how I’ve seen the fandom respond to other hate, I think they’d have my back.

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I don’t write a lot of it, but yes, occasionally. Lemonade Stand is my most explicit work, but there’s some light stuff in What Wasn’t Said and My Own Little Stage. I’m technically “working” on another smut piece right now, but it’s not a huge priority while I’m working to finish my dissertation.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Lol oh god, no. Control issues. Fic not being a priority, etc. I’d like to say that I’m not opposed, but I think it would be a recipe for a whole lot of extra unnecessary stress for this hobby.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Usagi and Mamoru, Sailor Moon

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Ha! I almost answered 5 Years out of habit, but then I remembered I actually did finish that one. Given my style, I don’t actually have any unfinished WIPs. Whether I write a Contrition sequel one day is a little touch and go, but I do still want to.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I’d like to think describing emotions and dialogue, but you tell me?

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

I’m sure others would say something like dedication here, but meh, hobby, so I’m not going to categorize that as a weakness. But here are some others:

-a compulsive need for reassurance. I swear part of my writing process used to be sending almost everyone I talked to in the fandom an “omg I’m so bad at this, I’m never going to write as well as XYZ big name author” message, but I think it was me crossing the line between “I’m venting to a friend” and “validate me because I’ve attached my self-worth to this”. This is an issue in my life, too, and I’ve noticed that, as I’ve worked through it there (team weekly therapy!), it’s been less of an issue here. I think it’s ok and probably still necessary to want reassurance sometimes, and definitely to talk about your writing with your friends and get advice when it’s needed, but there’s a line between that and what I feel is kind of a toxic pattern I was in that was doing me more harm in the long run. I will admit that I’ll still fall into this a little bit when I think about number of reviews/attention in the fandom. I’ve had multiple people mention before that I get fewer reviews or broadly less acclaim (that seems like a strong and arrogant word lol) than others in the fandom, and the explanations of “you don’t write as much” and “you don’t write enough multi-chapters” don’t always fully check out, so my brain will naturally go to “because you’re not as good at it as they are.” But when I’m feeling ok about myself, I can respond to that with something like “I am objectively somewhat confident in my ability to write, and if my style isn’t to someone’s taste, that’s not necessarily a knock on my skill.” I read a lot outside of the fandom, and thinking about things in that context helps, too — seeing it as a preference thing rather than a judgement of talent thing. There are a lot of popular, published authors that aren’t my taste, but that’s not me disparaging their skill/some of my favorite authors aren’t for everyone, and that’s ok, too.

-I sometimes struggle with connecting between scenes. Like I’ll have these two separate scenes in my head or even written, but it’s hard to connect them without them feeling clunky

-plot. There’s a reason a lot of my work is relatively short. I get a bit overwhelmed by multi-chapter planning and plotting. I wonder if part of it is a mental block because the one long multi chapter I wrote in middle school literally took me a few years (I think from 2000-2002 maybe?), and the idea of something like that hanging over my head stresses me out. It would probably be helpful to think about multi chapters like Belonging, which took maybe 2 months. But 1) one of those months was March 2020, so I’m not sure how valid any takeaways from that are and 2) I’m not entirely sure I like that story 😅

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I’m ok with it when used sparingly and intentionally in a way that is relevant to the plot, tone, or conversation. I think, especially in the early 2000s, there was a lot of “let me show you how many random Japanese words I know” thrown around Sailor Moon fic, but that, thankfully, is less of a thing now. I do think now stuff can sometimes fall into “let me show you how much detail I know about Japanese culture”, which I have mixed feelings about. Like absolutely, I want to see and learn about Japanese culture from fic, and yes, putting things in the proper cultural context is critical. But, to be blunt, I’m just wary of white people being ambassadors/mouthpieces for other cultures without realizing how their own cultural biases seep into their work. At the same time, I certainly don’t want people to feel like they shouldn’t write and shouldn’t include elements of culture because they haven’t done a whole thesis on Japanese culture. Personally, my solution has been to work cultural aspects in where I can and especially where not doing so would be particularly egregious, but I’m certainly not going to pretend my work is the place to go to learn about Japanese culture or that my Western cultural perspective doesn’t color everything I do. I’m about to be an ambassador for my former career (as a study abroad advisor) here, but I love when an author who has studied/worked/lived in Japan seamlessly has elements or culture in their work. I can’t speak for them, but I suspect that it would be harder not to, having actually lived the culture. Anyway I digress. I like Japanese language in fic when used intentionally to enhance the story rather than to show off, and you can pry honorifics from my cold, dead hands because I’m a sucker for when those change between Usagi and Mamoru.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’ve only ever written for Sailor Moon, and mostly only read for that, too (except for one side quest into a reading a Mandalorian fic because Pedro Pascal)

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This is difficult. I’m really proud of some of the prompts in My Own Little Stage that I wrote this summer. Domino and Contrition are up there as favorites, too.

I tag @queenrisa14, @idesofnovember, @daikon1, @floraone, @moonlightusa, @angelmoongirl, @ninjettetwitch, @allyunabridged, and anyone else who wants to play :)

#sailor moon fanfiction #tumblr gamea #writing asks

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transsexualhamlet · 4 years

Text

asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes.

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that.

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone)

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK?

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out.

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons:

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him:

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

#tokyo ghoul #hideyoshi nagachika #hidekane #kanehide #jesus christ i am hyperfixated #rowan's hyperfixation essays

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mrs-tsunderemeitantei · 3 years

Note

According to your theory on Bourbon and Haibara, I find it weird that Bourbon doesn't know anything about the past of Ai when she was in BO, don't forget that he was in BO long time ago, while Sherry at that time is still a kid and in USA for study at least. It is strange to me if he didn't investigate about her thoroughly at that time while on his mission. However, when they meet sooner or later, she will despise him even more when she discover that he is from PSB, and had intention to use her.

Heyy! Tbh, I don't think he was in the organisation any longer than she has. If we ignore the fact the she was born into the syndicate, I’d say they technically joined around the same time. He probably joined 5 years ago around the same time when Akai also joined. At the time, Shiho was 13 when she started working on the research and became Sherry.

As for him not investigating her thoroughly, I believe he just didn’t have enough outlets to help him investigate her. Yes he knows she is Elena’s daughter and that’s not surprising. The BO has a database of all its members listing all their information. When Haibara first met Conan and they went to retrieve the disk that got mixed up in Akemi's holiday pictures, Conan got excited when Haibara told him the disk did not just have the drug's data, but also sensitive information about some BO members.

Another instant is when Gin told Pisco he can look up Shiho's data on the organisation's computer when they suspected she was going to Haido City Hotel. So I'm pretty sure Bourbon would have easily accessed the same database for his mission to capture her as per the organisation's demands.

By that logic, he’d have looked her up in the database to know what she looked like, her family, where she lived, etc. Butttt I don’t think he knew any more than that. Why? Well, I have a bunch of reasons why I think so, and it might get confusing but please bear with me 😂:

1. While in the organisation and after her escape, Shiho herself did not know anything about her family except for what she was told by the organisation, so how would Bourbon know anymore than her? It wasn't until she visited her father's childhood house and got the tapes that Akemi left for her when she learnt the truth about her family's past.

2. There aren’t a lot of people for him to provide him with information about Shiho (except maybe Gin and Vermouth). By nature, Shiho is reserved and was more of a loner (her sister was the only person she was close to). She barely interacted with anyone outside her department and when it comes to her lab-mates, I highly doubt they knew the pressures her parents endured before joining the syndicate.

3. When it comes to Gin and Shiho, we don’t know yet the extent of their relationship. And let’s assume they were romantically involved. I don’t think he’d know about her family’s past because she herself was oblivious to her parents’ past and Gin is not that good at remembering people who died anyway. And regardless, Gin and Bourbon don’t like each other. Gin even said he neither keeps tabs on Bourbon, nor does he like to share information with him. Also, since Shiho kept to herself in the organisation, it’s unlikely other members (including Bourbon) knew of her possible relationship with Gin.

4. As for Vermouth, she seems to know the most about Shiho because of her mysterious link to the research and blatant hatred for Shiho and her parents. Now, there are two possible scenarios:

Vermouth knew the Miyanos' history before joining. She may have been kept in the loop to help with pressuring them so they could join. I'm basing this on her history with emotionally manipulating and tormenting people into doing things for the organisation (Itakura Saguru and the murderer who killed Fukuura Senzou in the off-season halloween party case are prime examples).

Eventually she clashed with them when they joined the organisation just like she clashed with Itakura Saguru later on.

The second (less likely situatuon imo), is she was unaware the organisation bullied them. She probably thought they willingly joined when they shouldn’t have, and she hates them because of their research.

So, if Bourbon learnt from Vermouth that Shiho’s parents were forced to join the organisation, why was he still willing to hand Shiho back to the organisation? (I mean I don’t want to believe he’d stoop that low. Even if he had a plan to get her out later, I don’t think he’d risk exposing himself after handing her knowing she’ll only be killed or forced to complete the drug). And if the second scenario was true, it would explain why why he wanted to return Shiho to the organisation. But I don't think she told Bourbon anything and I'll explain why in a bit.

Based on all that, my theory is this: Vermouth played a part in getting Shiho’s parents to join the organisation. Later on, things didn’t go according to plan with the research so she began feeling animosity towards them. She never shared any of that with Bourbon because she didn’t want to risk him finding out about the drug’s de-ageing effects (he definitely doesn’t know otherwise he would have figured out Conan and Haibara's identities). And because he doesn't know the truth about her parents, he didn’t feel guilty about handing Shiho back to the organisation.

5. Finally, when we look at Haibara talking about the White Dove pharmaceuticals, she suddenly became so knowledgeable about her parents' history when initially she knew nothing. She revealed all this information AFTER she got the tapes. That’s why I’m convinced it was Elena’s tapes that got her to know everything. Haibara probably also lied when she said it was her sister who told her. It is less likely for that to be the case because Akemi wouldn’t have been born to know what happened 30 or 25 years ago. And even if Elena spoke a little to Akemi about what happened, Akemi would have still been too young to understand. The only thing Akemi knew was the drug her parents were making was supposed to be a Silver Bullet of Justice.

So in conclusion, I feel the strongest pieces of evidence to prove Shiho and her parents were forced into that life would be the tapes and Vermouth. Rei never had access to the tapes nor does he know they exist. I’m guessing if he gets his hands on those tapes, they’d be a valuable lead that can help him link Vermouth to the Miyanos and somehow confirm everything.

I know this was reallly long and probably exhausting to read but I hope it made sense.

And yes, she will definitely despise Rei and she has every right to. Not just because he is PSB who planned on using her as a pawn, but because of his relationship to her mother. I have a gut feeling Elena even mentioned him in her tapes (it is very likely since she too loved Rei) and once Shiho realises the boy from the tapes and Rei are the same person, it will leave her feeling gutted.

Again these are all just my theories and I could be very wrong but I can’t wait for everything to be revealed 🙌🏻

#dcmk #case closed #detective conan #ai haibara #haibara ai #miyano shiho #shiho miyano #amuro tooru #bourbon #furuya rei #rei furuya #gin #vermouth #elena miyano #miyano elena #akemi miyano #sherry #aptx-4869

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julemmaes · 4 years

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Pinky Promise - Chapter Three

A/N: Well, I mean, I cried writing this cause I would never be able to live through something like this with my s/o but I guess they will. Or so I hope tbh, don’t know what I’ll do eheh.

I’m sorry if it took me ages to write this, but at least it’s looong. Hope y’all enjoy!

Word count: 6,873

Ignoring Cassian's calls turned out to be more difficult than expected.

She had received the first one while she was still in the cab. She had read the name on the screen and the emotion that she had managed to keep inside until that moment had taken over, pushing her to tears. She had refused with trembling hands and then cried silently all the way to her apartment, where she thanked the driver and climbed the stairs like an automaton. She had managed not to run into her sisters as she walked to her room, but had heard Feyre arguing with someone on the phone.

She hadn't had the strength to go in and see that everything was alright.

The news that the two of them had fought heavily didn't even take half a day to travel in their group, and by noon the next day, Elain had entered Nesta's room with a tray and some cookies, followed by Azriel.

Nesta had tried to kick them out, hiding under the covers, exhausted after a morning spent concentrating on the impossible lessons of the last year, but they had both remained next to her, talking about this and that, without trying to extrapolate information from her, and when Elain had had to go back to work, Azirel had taken off his shoes and laid on the bed, being careful not to touch her.

Nesta could be much more sensitive than normal when she was angry and hurt.

Now, they were both quietly watching a stupid sitcom on television and Nesta couldn't even pick up the phone and pretend she was doing anything else, because the thing hadn't stopped vibrating all morning and she had to turn it off so as not to fall into temptation and text him.

She had written to him that if he showed up at her house it would only make the situation worse and that she needed time, and Cassian had understood that, but that didn't stop him from sending her messages long as books where he begged her to listen to him.

She looked at Azriel sideways, who looked rather focused on the tv series and laughed at every joke. He didn't seem upset at all by what she had just discovered and Nesta realized something very important at that moment.

She snapped to her seat, surprising the boy, "You knew it!"

Azriel jumped up, taking his hand to his chest and looking at her with his eyes wide open, "What the fuck Nes."

"I'm the one who should be saying what the fuck," she said with an equally shocked expression. She took the remote control and turned off the tv, without even bothering to pause the video. Azriel looked around the room and then sighed. "You knew and didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me?"

Azriel looked at her sincerely confused, "Are you really going with that?"

Nesta took the comforter off her legs, suddenly feeling too hot, "Jesus, yes. Your brother, my boyfriend, he wants-" she froze, choking on her words, "he wants to enlist for some strange reason and you don't have even the slightest thought of coming immediately to tell me?

"You do realize that we are talking about Cassian, do you?" he looked her in the eyes with a serious face.

Nesta replied in tone, "No, we are talking about you and me, Az."

"If we have to dot the I's we are talking about you and Cass." replied mumbling Azriel.

"Stop being a dick and tell me why you didn't come straight to me."

He looked her in the face carefully and then sighed, "He asked us not to tell you anything and you know I would never betray his trust, just as I would never betray yours if you asked me such a thing."

"I know," she replied immediately, "but this is different."

"I understand," he began, but was interrupted almost immediately by Nesta.

"I don't think you truly understand. Not really." she stood up, perhaps too quickly, because she swayed a little. She recovered right away, clutching her fingers around a cloth bookmark that her boyfriend had given her to try to find something that would keep her tied to the real world, without getting lost in her thoughts. She whispered, "If Cassian enlists and they send him on a mission we risk not seeing him for months, never seeing him again in case something more serious happens."

When Azriel didn't answer, she spoke again, "If you had warned me earlier, I could have changed his mind one way or another-"

"You couldn't have done it,"

"Stop interrupting me."

He sat down, putting his hands in front of him on the mattress, "No, you stop with this nonsense. You wouldn't have been able to do it because he only told us when he had already made up his mind."

Nesta blinked confusedly, "Sorry, us?"

The boy nodded, "Yes, Rhys knows it too."

"That asshole." she muttered.

Azriel puffed, avoiding her gaze, "What I'm trying to tell you is that Cassian did not want others' thoughts to influence his decision and I think it was difficult for him to reach this conclusion."

"If it was so hard to decide, maybe there's a reason." Nesta exploded, throwing her arms in the air, "If it was so hard he shouldn't have even started thinking about it."

She saw him clenching his jaw, "He didn't get into details with us and didn't tell us much, although Rhysand busted his balls enough, but I know he has a good reason."

"What would that be?" she asked sincerely curious.

"It's not my place to tell."

She scoffed, "Fuck you."

"You're starting to tell me that too often." he joked.

Nesta replied in the same moking tone, "And I might start using it instead of hello if you don't stop being an asshole to me."

He also stood up, walking towards her, "I'm not being an asshole, I'm just trying to make you understand that you can't sit here and feel sorry for yourself thinking about things you don't know." he put his hands on her arms, squeezing her lovingly, "Before you do that, you should talk to Cassian and listen to what he has to say and then draw your own conclusions."

Nesta squeezed in her shoulders, asking in such a low tone that even she struggled to hear herself, "What happens if I don't like the conclusions I draw?"

"I don't know," he sounded worried for a second, before his expression became neutral again, "would you break up with him?"

She shook her head, "I don't know."

"Alright," he said, letting go of his grip on her and sitting on the edge of the bed, "I understand what the main problems of enlisting are and what you're worried about, but is there anything else that upsets you?" he leaned down on his back, crossing his arms behind his head. Nesta almost laughed, despite everything. If Azriel was moving around so much, it meant that he was just as stressed as she was. "If you want to talk about it."

Nesta sighed, sat back down again and gave him his back, "I think I'd rather not talk about it, actually.

She felt a hand on her back, "Okay, well, you know I'm always here if you need me."

She turned to him, offering him an apologetic smile, "Sorry Az, but I'm so confused right now and saying something would mean giving too much importance to that thing and I'm not sure I really believe everything that's going on in my head-"

He hurried to get up, shaking his head, "Don't worry and you don't need to apologize. It was difficult for me, I can only imagine how complicated it must be for you." she gave him another little smile. He added, "And then, less than twenty-four hours have passed."

"True."

***

That afternoon she was back at the university and like in the morning, she had made an effort to attend every lecture without thinking too much about what was going on in her private life. Amren had sent her a message during the last hour asking her what the hell had happened and that she had seen Cassian only a few minutes earlier and found him destroyed. Nesta's stomach had twisted, but she hadn't answered and tried to forget the image of her boyfriend crying now imprinted in her mind. He had decided to bring that chaos into their lives.

In the evening, the messages from Cassian had decreased and shortly afterwards they had become practically nil, only one every two, three hours. The next morning she was shocked to see that a couple of them had been sent at worrying times in the night.

The next day had gone exactly the same way, she had studied all morning and rested in the afternoon, deciding to take half a day for herself. She had not allowed her brain to dwell too much on Cassian and had watched more documentaries about new scientific discoveries in the space field, which would not allow her to distract herself from what was said in the movies.

Despite the several attempts, however, in the late afternoon, Feyre had come into her room to warn her that she was going out for Tamlin's birthday. Nesta had nodded distractedly and asked her if Elain would go with her and when the other sister also appeared on the doorway, she couldn't even compliment them on how beautiful their dresses were, too lost in her thoughts.

"If you want, I can call Tam and ask him if he can add a seat to our table." Feyre asked her. Nesta had really looked at her at that moment and admired the long dark blue dress. The thing that caught her attention though, was the frantic movement of her hands and the nervous twitch in her mouth that Feyre never seemed to notice. Her older sister had looked her in the eye and assured her that she would stay well at home alone and the relief in the look of the youngest Archeron had hurt her.

She had to find a way to talk seriously with Feyre about Tamlin.

Elain had hugged her and then they both left, leaving her in a house that was too quiet for her at that moment.

She got up and ran out of that apartment, and now, in front of his door, she couldn't figure out how she had driven all the way over there without having crushed someone.

She raised her hand, knocking gently. As if she didn't want Cassian to open the door.

She waited a few seconds and panic crept under her skin, screaming for her to run away. Screaming that she was not supposed to be there. That everywhere would have been better.

The door opened wide and the figure of him filled the space in front of her.

The sight of a so upset Cassian shocked her. The hair normally combed and held up in a messy bun was loose and fell on his shoulders. His eyes, normally a warm and bright brown, now seemed devoid of any crumb of happiness and life. The dark circles under them confirmed to Nesta that he too must not have overslept these days.

He looked her in the face and opened his mouth slightly, closing it immediately afterwards and whispering, "Nesta."

At the sound of his voice, so familiar, she stepped back, wanting to do nothing more than jump on him and beg him not to do it. She clenched her fists, gathering some courage.

What was she doing? She hadn't thought at all about what had happened. She had focused so much on the university that she hadn't had a chance to process all the information he had given her.

Without much thought, she talked, "I need to know some things and-" she sighed, that could go on, she went on, "and I don't know how to ask them. I don't know what I should ask you."

Cassian nodded and closed his eyes, tightening his hold on the door handle. His knuckles turned white and his tone was almost inaudible when he whispered, "And I need to apologize."

The anger she had repressed in those days dug its way into her veins. She gritted out, "I don't want to hear your apology again, I want an explanation."

He nodded again, stepping aside to let her in. He led her into the kitchen, "Do you want something to drink?" he asked quietly, as if he were feeling uneasy. As if he was afraid to say the wrong thing and scare her away.

"No."

He looked closely at her, "Alright." he sat down, pointing at the chair in front of his and Nesta sat hesitantly. She didn't want to give him personal satisfaction, making him think she would do anything he said to her, but she knew she wouldn't be able to endure the conversation standing up. Cassian put his hands together on the table, "Where should I start?"

"Maybe from why the fuck you decided to even think about joining the army." she teased, without looking at him.

He took a deep breath, as if his thoughts were as confused as her own, "About four months ago I was stopped by a person, a recruiter..."

"Where?" interrupted him.

Cassian looked at her confused, "Sorry?"

"Where were you when this guy stopped you?"

He frowned, "I was coming out of the supermarket."

"Oh God, are you telling me that you let yourself be convinced by one of those pain in the asses outside the stores that are literally put there to attract the fools?" she asked laughing, not amused at all.

"I-" he staggered, looking almost offended, "No. Could you just let me explain everything without interrupting?"

"Go."

He looked her in the face, tensing his muscles, "They stopped me and told me about all the benefits of the army. How important it was for me to take part in this great mission." he chuckled, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Obviously, I laughed at them and left." Nesta would have wanted to punch him in the face. "In the weeks afterwards, a lot of soldiers started coming to the bar and telling their stories in the neighboring continents, how every move they made was necessary for the survival of hundreds of people in other countries. I heard them tell about every achievement, every conquest - personal or not - and I realized that I wanted that too."

He stopped for a moment, making sure that Nesta was still listening to him and when she gave him a slight nod with her head, he continued, "I met a guy named Declan one night, a soldier on duty for about three years. We talked all night, he stayed up till closing and left me his number".

She couldn't help it, "How romantic."

He glared at her, deciding to ignore that derisory comment, "He explained to me that every time he goes on a mission and saves a child's life or manages to complete a task and returns home to his family, the pride he feels for himself, for his team, is enormous and a unique feeling," he said in the tone of someone who had never heard of the military. As if those words weren't the same as the ones they used at every event where the army was advertised. "I like the life I have now, I like working at the bar with Az and helping my brothers with the apartment, I like being able to see you every day, but I need something more. I feel the need to act and do something relevant for this world."

She was going to answer him, to interrupt him and tell him to stop saying so much bullshit, but he beat her to it, "I talked to Declan until he had to leave and he explained how it all works and there are more than enough sites on the Internet explaining every little thing, so if you want to know anything, you can ask me, or look for information on your own, but I'd rather talk to you anyway once you've learned the whole thing." he was looking at her with so much hope in his eyes, "He's on a mission right now. He's already done two months and is seven months away."

Nesta had stopped listening to him. She saw him moving his lips as he answered questions she hadn't asked. As he continued to give her a speech that seemed to come out of one of the propaganda videos they showed you at the end of high school.

Azriel was right. She realized he was right as she looked him straight in the eye and saw that excited twinkle that seemed not to belong to him at all.

"What about my career?" she asked suddenly, feeling the need to make him understand what he was going to lose. What both of them were going to lose.

He frowned, "What about it?" He said.

How could he not realize how much this destroyed every little project they had done up to that point?

"All about it."

She stared at the table, following one of the lines of the wood with her index finger, looking for a way to focus on what she had to say. "I didn't expect you to work in the bar for the rest of our lives, I didn't expect you to want to do just that forever, but this is definitely the farthest thing I could ever imagine."

She took a deep breath, retracing the line of a darker brown on the wood, "My job, the one I've studied all my life for and will be graduating for in a few months, is something that will take up most of my days, Cass. In a few years, when," she choked on her words, closing her eyes a moment longer, "if we have kids, I don't want them to grow up without both of us."

She saw him stiffen at those words, but still didn't have the courage to look at him, "I would stay out all day and come home in the evening in time for dinner and I already know that this will weigh heavily on me. You would go to work and you couldn't put them to sleep every night, but you would be with them all day, every day, as long as you worked at the bar. It would be you, together with me, to educate them, to raise them. To teach them what is right and what is wrong." the emotion that that speech was giving her was making everything difficult for her. The fact that they could talk so openly about these things warmed her heart, it had always done so, and yet now it was as if they were hitting her repeatedly and Cassian was standing there next to her just watching.

They had never doubted that it would always be him and her, her and him, forever, but this thing was threatening them on all fronts and Nesta was not willing to let it win. "If you leave every year, or how often a soldier leaves, you'd be gone for months. And we would be forced to leave them with a babysitter and it would be me and this completely random person to raise them." she forced herself to look him in the eye and the expression on his face was the perfect twin of hers, "We wouldn't see you for so long. I wouldn't see you for too long."

Cassian seemed to awaken from a trance, shook his head, resting his forehead on his crossed hands, "These are the things we will talk about when I enlist."

Her tone of voice got louder, "No, Cassian, these are the things we have to talk about now, while we decide if you are going to enlist."

He looked at her at that point, "I'm going to enlist anyway, Nesta."

"Then why are we talking?" she whispered, with eyes wide open, "Why are we talking. Why am I here."

He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, "Because I missed you these days and I want you to understand why I want to do this. Why I need you to understand and support me on this path."

She couldn't believe her ears. He was giving her reasons why he couldn't leave on his own. Nesta could not understand. "So what are you going to do when it's not just two days where you won't see me, but eight or nine or ten months?" she asked exasperated.

"It will be different."

"How?"

"It will be different because I will know that you will be here, at home, waiting for me," he simply said.

This angered Nesta, who replied in a threatening tone, "Will it be different because you will know that I will be here waiting for you and being a good housewife and model mother?"

Cassian bit his lip, to stop before saying things he didn't mean. "Stop putting words in my mouth that I never said. You're complicating things."

"No, I'm not. I'm not complicating anything." she chuckled, "I'm trying to make sure you realize how serious and critical the decision you're making is." she stood up, rotating her shoulders trying to relieve some of the tension there, "This is the reality of things." her stomach twisted to the prospect of what she was about to say, "You enlisting will mean I have to give up either a career or a family."

Cassian seemed delirious when he said, "We can always have children and pursue the careers we want. We don't have to choose."

Nesta shook her head vehemently, "I have no intention of giving birth to my children and letting other people raise them," she stared at him, "That's not me."

He was looking at her without saying anything. "You don't even know what to say."

More silence. Nesta felt the emotion become too much and when the body was about to betray her and let the tears accumulated in her eyes come down, she attacked again, "So we are not enough? I am not enough?"

Cassian appeared stunned, "What?"

"You said you need something more. Does that mean that you like me, your brothers, your life now, but I'm not enough to keep you alive?"

"Nesta-" he stood up too, taking one step towards her.

Nesta took one step back and the look Cassian gave her hurt her physically, "Don't fuck with me".

He had the audacity to whisper, "This is not about you."

"Yes, it is!" she shouted, "We've been together for seven years, Cassian." the voice growing higher when she said the number, "Seven, for god's sake. And it didn't occur to you to talk about it with me. I could have helped you." her voice betrayed her and broke on the last word.

He seemed to ignore it, "Help me with what exactly?" he asked so desperately, "Because I know what you mean. I know you would help me by preventing me from choosing my path and following my dreams."

She couldn't have heard that right. She laughed as she looked at him with her mouth open, "Your dreams?"

"Yes, Nesta!" he shouted, "I need to leave my mark. I need to do something concrete in my life that will bring me satisfaction."

It was as if he had ripped her heart from her chest and held it so tightly that it exploded, "And why are you and I, our marriage, the children we will have in the future, not satisfying enough?" Nesta exclaimed, lowering her voice shortly afterwards, "What is wrong with me that is not enough for you?"

Cassian whispered the word no repeatedly and came so close that he could touch her. Nesta retracted before he could hug her and the pain imprinted on his features destroyed what little was left inside of her, " Sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with you. I love you and you are enough. You are more than enough for me. You are too much. And starting a family is and always will be one of the most important things for me."

She snapped, "Stop messing around, this is serious."

"I can't stand behind the bar all my life serving drunks and men with midlife crises who no longer understand how to satisfy their partners." he muttered, "There are people dying because their countries are failing them and I am one of the people who can help them. There are children who are kidnapped every day and are taken away from their families. My job would be to bring them home. My task would be to save those who are too weak to save themselves." he concluded, as if the last two days without her had given him enough time to prepare a speech.

Four months, she corrected herslef mentally.

Nesta nodded, looking for support in the kitchen counter behind her, "So you've made up your mind."

Cassian nodded once, "I have."

"And I can say nothing about it." she smiled and there was nothing friendly or sincere in that gesture. He moved one hand, lifting it midair, but lowered it immediately realizing that she did not want to be touched. He stepped back and Nesta realized that she had held her breath until then.

Cassian also seemed to realize this and his face grew grim, "That's...".

"I understand." she intercepted him, when he seemed to stumble over the words, "I understand." she repeated more silently.

Cassian panicked and let himself fall backwards against the table, moving it a few centimeters. He ran his hands through his hair, "Can I explain to you how this would all work, please?

Nesta shook his head, shifting her gaze to anything other than him, "Cassian, I..."

She was interrupted by the door of the house that opened and banged against the wall.

Rhysand came in dragging his feet on the ground, his arms full of colored notebooks and sheets and cards. He seemed more tired than usual and Azriel had told her that he was not really well, but which of them had been genuinely happy in those last days?

He seemed to realize only after taking off his shoes that both of them were looking at him and he was surprised to see her there with Cassian, moving his gaze quickly from one to the other.

She dared a glance in his direction and realized only at that moment how distressed both of them must have looked.

Rhysand cleared his voice and placed the notebooks on the entrance cabinet, raised his hand in greeting, before saying, "Sorry, I didn't think you'd be here. I can get out," when no one answered, he grimaced, then turned directly to Cassian, "send me a message when you're done."

Nesta instantly recovered at those words and breathed abruptly through her nose, moving to pass Cassian and head for the exit, "Don't worry Rhysand. I was just leaving."

"Nesta." Cassian called, in a desperate tone.

She didn't even have to get dressed. She had been so shocked to see him again, so shocked that he didn't even look like himself, that she hadn't thought to take off her jacket, "I feel like I need a little more time, Cassian. A few more days, to think." her throat tightened. She could feel her eyes wet.

Rhysand got into the conversation, walking into the kitchen, "Guys I'm serious, I can get out, it's no problem."

Nesta hesitated, looking Cassian right in the eye, "Don't worry, I'm done here."

Her boyfriend looked at her with fear and when he muttered, "Are you breaking up with me?" Nesta could only answer in a whisper, "I don't know."

A tear slipped over her cheek and she moved quickly to remove it, "I'll call you."

Cassian stood motionless in the middle of the room as Nesta walked past Rhysand and muttered a simple, "Bye."

"Bye Nesta." the younger brother seemed equally upset, but she heard him answer before the door closed behind her.

Cassian looked at his hands, running them over his face and almost scratching his eyes. He raised his head and turned towards Rhysand, "Where were you?"

"I stayed at school preparing lessons for next week," he answered in a very low tone of voice. He walked over to the table and sat down, "What happened?"

"You can guess." he cursed under his breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked cautiously.

Cassian scoffed, trying to hold back the tears, "No."

He sat down, dropping his head on the table.

Rhysand remained silent for a few minutes, pondering what he might say without hurting his older brother too much, "You have everything you could want, Cassian." he whispered to him, cracking his fingers, "You don't need this."

He shook his head, massaging his temples, "You have no idea what I need."

No one seemed to understand him.

He got up, knowing perfectly well that he would not be able to hold that conversation for any longer. The blows he had suffered so far from Nesta were enough to make him feel bad. He did not need someone else to punch him as well.

Rhysand did not answer immediately, but then sighed, "Okay, maybe I have no idea, but," he also stood up, leaning forward on the table, "Nesta is the woman of your life. This would just be a career change. A risky career that will lead you to death."

Cassian did not answer, he looked out the window while a flash of lightning cut the sky in two, followed by thunder.

Perfect, now he would have been worried until he saw Nesta again the next time.

He was so used to having her around and texting her every move he made, and he was so used to her warning him every time she got home safe and sound.

There would be no message that night.

Then Rhysand said something that took the air out of the man's lungs, "I thought we both knew that Nesta was going to be the mother of your children." he approached him, placing his hand on his shoulder. Cassian turned to look at him and saw how Rhysand's eyes were dark, darker than they had ever been. "She will be the mother of your children and if you can't see how much this will destroy her, maybe you don't deserve her." his brother's fingers tightened around his shirt, before he let go once and for all, "Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you don't realize how much Nesta is vital for you, but this will destroy you too, if you are not careful."

With this, Rhysand nodded and walked out of the kitchen, leaving him alone once again.

***

The next morning Nesta woke up with a deafening headache. Elain and Feyre were definitely not coming back before lunch, both of them had sent drunk selfies and called her a couple of times and she knew they had stayed over at their boys' house.

She had fallen asleep crying, sniffing sheets that smelled like Cassian and thinking how every single thing in her life was about to be turned upside down, one way or another.

The only thing that had cheered her up was finding that her cycle was over, but even that spark of happiness had faded when she saw that Cassian had tried to call her at four o'clock and something in the night.

She had been awake at that hour, looking at the ceiling after she had woken up completely soaked in sweat. She couldn't remember what she had dreamed, but it had been enough to pull her out of her sleep and she could not fall asleep afterwards. Anyway, she had not touched the phone, left it on the kitchen table.

She dragged herself to the fridge, taking the milk and starting to make coffee.

She was setting the table when the spoon fell from her hands and she froze, looking at the object on the floor. She clenched her teeth and felt immensely stupid when tears threatened to flow from her eyes.

How could she cry over a fallen teaspoon?

She was about to scream, driven by frustration, when the front door opened and she hurried to erase every trace of her lonely morning cry when she realized it was Feyre.

The little sister stopped at the entrance, her heels in her hand and her face that of someone who would want to destroy everything in their path. As soon as she saw Nesta, her expression became confused, "Were you crying?"

Nesta shook her head to say no and Feyre scoffed. "Yes, and I don't want to tear this stupid dress." she dropped her shoes on the floor and then turned around, starting to walk backwards towards her. Nesta took the hint and approached her sister, pulling down the zipper of the dress. Feyre thanked her and took the gown off, swearing more than once when all the jewels she was wearing got caught in her straps.

She sighed with relief, her shoulders sagged and she remained in her panties and bra in front of Nesta, who snorted, sincerely amused by that little show.

"I take it your night didn't go so well," said Nesta pointing out the coffee. Feyre nodded, puffing and sat down in front of her. She served both and then sat down as well.

"Tamlin was being an asshole as usual and ruined the evening for everyone," she explained, taking a cookie.

"I see." murmured Nesta, watching her sister, "And who exactly was he being an asshole to?"

Feyre grinned, looking her in the eye, "Not with me," her eyebrows shot up, "at least, not just with me. He argued heavily with Lucien, but I didn't understand why. And it shocked me a little." she shrugged, "We'll have to ask Ellie." she took another cookie.

"Yes, we should."

Feyre got serious all of a sudden, "Why were you crying?"

It was Nesta's turn to shrug, "Stress."

"So early in the morning?" she asked just a little amused.

She chuckled, "I dropped a teaspoon, if I have to be honest."

Feyre burst out laughing, "It happened to me last week, too."

Nesta smiled. It had been so long since they had spent any time together and joking. And Feyre must have noticed it too, because she reached out to her, waggling her fingers, "I'm sorry if I answered you badly the other night. I wasn't angry with you."

"I know, don't worry," Nesta reassured her, taking her hand and squeezing it just once, "if you ever really need someone, you know I'm always there, don't you?"

"Yes, I know." she smiled shyly at her, then took a deep breath, "How are things going with Cassian and... everything?"

Nesta knew that she would have to talk about it with someone else, but she couldn't see that it was real. That Cassian was really trying to enlist.

"Things are bad." she placed the cup on the table, clenching her fists, "I went to his house last night. When you went out." Feyre seemed surprised, but she didn't comment and let her continue undisturbed.

"He explained to me why he wants to do it." her breath started trembling as she remembered the longing in Cassian's eyes, the hope there, "He went as far as telling it's his dream." she scoffed, "His dream. Can you believe it?"

Nesta continued to speak for a few minutes and Feyre listened attentively, especially when she talked about Cassian's motivations, but at the same time she seemed to be thinking about something else entirely. When her sister put her hand on her arm to stop her, Nesta froze with wheezing breath and shaking hands.

"First of all, calm down." she squeezed her hand, caressing her palm, "Secondly, you won't like what I'm about to tell you, at all." she grimaced, leaning against the back of the chair. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave her a narrow, not quite sincere smile, "Cassian depends on you," said Feyre without many words, "That man depends through and through on you, Nes." she scratched her forehead, thoughtful, "I can see that."

Nesta sharp intake of breath was enough to tell Feyre that she was walking on thin ice and this conversation could have ended in only two ways: Nesta physically attacking her sister or Nesta crying desperately.

"This city is overwhelming, one way or another." she began, "And you and Cassian have been together long enough for you to realize that he needs to feel alive." she looked her straight in the eye, "Opening a bar right after high school was a way to meet different people every night, to have a breath of that adventure that he craves so much through others."

Nesta brought a hand to her chest as she listened intently.

"He waited years for you to finish school so he could support you in everything you want to do. To be there for you when you need it most. Exactly as you do with me," she added at the end, giving her a little smile, "I realize how frightening this is for you and what it would mean for your relationship.

No, you really don't. Nesta wanted to tell her, but she remained silent.

"In a couple, one has to give and receive, Nes. He gives you every fiber of his being every day. He never imposed anything on you," Feyre's voice grew shaky, "he never stopped you from doing anything. He let you live your dream of becoming an engineer and never told you that you could not do it because you are not enough." Her eyes filled with tears and Nesta clutched her chest. She felt that the speech was very personal.

Feyre usage of the word "let" made her head pound even more. "I realize how scary the idea of losing him is, but give him a chance. Sit down at the table with him and let him explain every little thing." she seemed to be almost begging for her to do so. "Ask him to go into details and maybe you will be less frightened. Because, Nes," she leaned forward, "right now you don't really know anything about this whole project of his."

Nesta nodded.

"He is in conflict right now. He's definitely scared because he doesn't know what he wants. Or he knows it all too well and he's terrified of losing you." she ran her hand over her face, rubbing her eyes.

I am the one terrified at the idea of losing him.

"All I know is that he needs you now and he needs your support."

Nesta shook her head, "How can I support him in such a thing? In his suicide mission?" she whispered.

"It's not a suicide mission, he's trying to figure out if he can handle it. He wants to do it because he feels the duty and the will is secondary here, probably." Feyre sighed, "Nesta we can stay here and talk for hours, but I am not in Cass's head and neither are you. You just have to prepare yourself and have the willpower to really listen to him. Without undermining his speech, without belittling what he is trying to do."

"I don't think I can do it," Nesta began.

Feyre immediately interrupted her, "Then you can't go on being together. If Cassian has really gone this far and called this his dream, it means he really wants to act on it." they remained silent for a few seconds and then Feyre stood up, "I'm not saying you should break up, but if things don't start to go wrong now, they will in a few months or years."

Now Nesta really wanted to ask her why she was still with Tamlin, since she was so aware that they were not well. She often wondered if Feyre felt somehow forced to be with her boyfriend for everything he had given and offered her during the long years of their relationship.

"Cassian wants to do this and if by telling him what you told him last night, his idea hasn't wavered at all, then there's no way to change it. You can only offer support or let it all go."

Let it all go.

She could never.

"You cannot continue to be together if you prevent him from trying, because that would be too big a wound to live with." Feyre concluded her speech by titlting her head a little and apologizing, stepping out of the kitchen and warning her that she was going to drown her own sorrows in bubbles and boiling water.

Nesta sat in silence alone, her hands tightened around the edge of the chair on which she sat and her thoughts running faster than ever before.

She closed her eyes when she came to an inevitable conclusion.

She would have lost Cassian no matter what, the only decision she had to make was when.

acotar tag list (send me an ask or dm me if you wanna be added or removed)

@tottenhamboys20 @sjm-things @kris10maas @awesomelena555 @sannelovesreading @queenamydien29 @ireallyshouldsleeprn @messyhairday-me @ncssian @observationanxioustheorist @my-fan-side @booksstorm @maastrash @sayosdreams @thedarkdemigod @courtofjurdan @thewayshedreamed @ladywitchling @nahthanks @archeron-queen @sleeping-and-books @bri-loves-sunflowers @thegoddessofyou

#pinky promise chapter three #pinky promise #cassian #nesta archeron #nesta #nessian fic #angst #nessian angst #feyre archeron #rhysand #acotar #acomaf #acofas #acowar #acosf #a court of silver flames

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timelord-winchester-22b · 4 years

Text

According to Him

I honestly didn't expect such a quick response to the last fic and it actually made me super excited! This one is definitely longer and there's no Doctor in it (possibly some more Doctor in a potential third part...)

Warnings: very light choking, no more than most Master fics tbh, a stabbing

@actuallyanita

To anyone who didn't see the first: According to You

In the moments after you’d called the Doctor your surroundings changed drastically. One second you were in an abandoned break room of a distribution center and the next you were in what you could only assume was a Tardis. The Master released you, letting you drop to your knees, still dizzy from the unexpected teleport. You glanced around as he headed to the console to take off, recognizing something here and there from the inside of O’s house; this Tardis last you had seen it. But other than the odd shelf or knick knack, or the very out of place sofa in the corner, it was entirely different. It was darker than the Doctor’s console room.

You looked over to the console then, trying to gauge how much danger you were currently in. A lot, was your first thought. You were ignored for the moment, so you decided to stay where you were, hoping not to draw attention. The Master was currently circling the console, probably piloting you somewhere to dump you. The Tardis settled slightly, and then his sights were set on you. You scrambled to your feet when he began to approach you, but only managed to make it easier for him to push you into the wall behind you, one hand around your throat. Not enough to restrict your breathing, barely enough to cause discomfort. A warning.

“Why did you let me go?” The Master asked, catching you off guard. You’d expected more insults and treats than questions.

“I didn’t” You responded nonetheless.

“Do not lie to me” He warned, dark eyes flashing dangerously in the low light of the console room. “I was there. Why did you let me get away?”

“I didn’t expect you to actually get away” You elaborated. “I figured if you’d had a teleport you would have used it right away instead of sneaking off”

The Master paused a moment, considering this new information.

“Still doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell the others when you saw me” He pointed out. This time you were the one to pause, considering how much you really wanted to tell him. You’d waited a moment too long and the hand at your throat tightened minutely.

“I was giving you a chance” You blurted out in a panic. He stopped, now looking genuinely confused, but didn’t reply. He was waiting for you to continue.

“Last night I followed the Doctor after the others had gone to bed. I wanted to apo- speak to her. I found her in a room I’d never seen before, some kind of glass cage. Had a piano in it for some reason? Anyway, I didn’t understand what it might be for but I knew I wasn’t supposed to have seen it. I only connected the dots when I saw you walk into the room”

The Master was eyeing you curiously now, but you could tell he didn’t think it was explanation enough.

“I figured the Doctor still had a chance of catching you even if I didn’t say anything. And… well I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a glass box with only my ex for company”

“The Doctor is not my ‘ex’” The Master snarled in return, dropping you to turn back to the console. You steadied yourself on your feet but stayed where you were. He seemed to be thinking, wandering around the console, flicking a switch here and there absentmindedly. The Doctor did the same when she was thinking, you remembered.

“Short range teleport” The Master said suddenly, glancing up at you.

“What?”

“Are you deaf, human?”

You frowned but didn’t comment on the insult.

“I only had a short range teleport to the Tardis. Anyone too close would be teleported with me, primitive tech. That’s why I was ‘sneaking off’”

You nodded in reply, unsure how to proceed in this situation. There wasn’t really a handbook for what to do when getting kidnapped by your alien friend’s childhood best friend. The Master had gone back to actually piloting, and you decided to risk treading a little closer when he pulled a monitor towards him to look at something.

“Finding a black hole to throw me in?” You questioned, making his raise an eyebrow at you.

“No” He replied shortly. He flicked a few switches and then looked back at you, sighing. “How about… food?” He offered, surprising you.

“Food?” You repeated, confused.

“Going to have to get your hearing checked” The Master mumbled in exasperation. “Yes, food. The Doctor is obsessed with chips for some reason, but I could never see why. I did grow to like the food in Australia enough while I was there. Meat pies? Pasties?”

“Uhhhh… sure” You responded eloquently. The Master nodded and the next thing you knew he had landed and began rushing you out the door. You glanced around at your surroundings, still surprised the Master would be letting you out of the Tardis, let alone be taking you for food. You’d landed in Melbourne, in the middle of the city, not far from where the Doctor had landed you the time you’d visited with her. It was comforting to be in a place you recognized during such an unfamiliar situation.

“Now don’t even think about trying to run off” The Master warned, securing the door of his Tardis, which was disguised as a regular telephone booth. You kept close when he started walking, not wanting to see what he might do if you didn’t.

“Course not” You responded easily, playing the part of unbothered. “Wouldn’t want to lose your Doctor-bait before you’d managed to set up your trap” The Master glanced at you from the corner of his eyes as you walked.

“What makes you think I want to use you as Doctor bait?” He questioned curiously.

“You told me to drop the toy gun” You pointed out. “There wasn’t much of a point to that-considering it couldn’t possibly hurt you-other than to leave a hint to the Doctor that I’d been taken. That and me calling for her would make her number one priority suddenly trying to get me back. You could have her spend years looking for me or you could use me to lure her in. I feel like if you just wanted her looking you’d have gone ahead and thrown me into a black hole. The fact that I’m still alive makes me think you want her to find me”

The Master wac watching you when you’d finished talking.

“You’re not as stupid as most humans” He pointed out, seeming a little surprised by it.

“Thanks” You responded, knowing that was the closest he could get to a compliment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’d been with the Master for a few days now, and by this point you were kind of wondering what the hold up was with the plan to trap the Doctor. The Master seemed to always be watching you from the corner of his eye whenever you were in the same room. He left you a few times with the assurance that any attempt to escape or mess with anything would result in the Tardis electrocuting you. But you weren’t really planning on messing with anything anyway, it’s not like you knew how any of it worked.

One thing you weren’t expecting about being aboard the Master’s Tardis was the peace. It was quiet whenever he was gone, and a lot of the time even when he was there. You also hadn’t expected him to allow you your own room. It was very sparsely furnished, only a bed and a desk, but you were allowed access to the kitchen, the library and a small portion of the wardrobe. They were all very near your room and you figured that was to keep you from wandering too far into the Tardis.

Most of the time the Master left you alone as long as he knew where you were and you weren’t bothering him,so you were surprised to wake up to find him in your desk chair in the middle of the night. He wasn’t doing anything, just watching you. You knew you should probably be bothered by the fact that he was watching you sleep, but his features displayed more of a calm than you’d expected to ever see on him. He still frowned, like he was deep in thought, but in the dark his posture was almost relaxed.

“I can’t get you out of my head” The Master spoke suddenly, seeing that you were awake. The words surprised you, spoken almost as an accusation. “I can’t work you out. I’ve come across so many humans in my lifetime, plenty who were different to the rest, the type the Doctor would pick up. But you…” He scowled. “You’re just… unusual, and I can’t work out why”

The room was quiet again when he’d stopped speaking. You shifted to sit up and the lights brightened slightly, allowing the two of you to see each other clearer.

“I’m sorry” You said, feeling the need to. The Master huffed.

“You should be” Was all he said in return, promptly standing up and leaving. You blinked at the door for a few minutes after he’d slammed it. Assuming he wasn’t coming back anytime soon, you shuffled back down under the covers and went back to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’d been with the Master for weeks now. You were losing count honestly. At this point you were really beginning to wonder why he still kept you around. Surely he would be wanting you off his ship as soon as possible? He’d even begun to drag you along on his little outings, causing chaos throughout the universe, leaving behind a trail of messes for the Doctor to clean up. Perhaps this was part of his game, perhaps he simply wanted the Doctor chasing after him for a while, making her more and more anxious to find you. Though you weren’t entirely sure she wouldn’t want you off her ship either.

You’d stopped off on a planet on the brink of war, the Master obviously wanting to tip it over the edge as an excuse to tear some things up himself. You weren’t entirely sure why he thought to bring you along, but you weren’t about to question him too much. He hadn’t snapped at you in any big way since you’d been aboard his Tardis, but you were still wary of pushing your luck.

Your job was simple, knock right on the door of the king’s castle and claim you’d escaped as a prisoner from the other king. The Master was confident they’d let you right in, and though you weren’t so sure you went along with it anyway. Any fate you might meet in the castle, should they not believe your story, would be no worse than if you’d directly disobeyed the Master. To your surprise, you were in fact let right in. Upon being brought to the king, you’d gotten right to the second instruction you’d been given. Distract him.

You didn’t really have any clever plan ready by the time the Master had shoved you towards the door and run off, so you settled for the first thing you could come up with, flirting with the king. It seemed to work, the man quickly becoming enamored with you, and far sooner than you’d expected the Master was bursting in. Once the guards had been dealt with, the Master turned to you with a grin.

“Now then, we’d best get going, there’ll be an army on it’s way any moment to tear down the castle” The Master informed you.

“What is the meaning of this?” The king demanded, fuming. “There’s no way the south will attack, they know they could never breach our borders!”

“Well perhaps that was before you launched a missile directly into your own defenses, and another into their capital city just to make sure they’re angry enough” The Master grinned. He turned back to you. “Come on then” He said again, waving you over. You were about to join him as he’d said, when you were stopped by a sharp pain in your side. You cried out, falling to your knees as the man beside you pulled the dagger back out of your side. The Master’s eyes darkened faster than you’d thought possible, and as you faded in and out of consciousness for the next few minutes you could hear the king screaming the whole time.

Time was passing you by every time you blinked. One moment you were on the floor of the throne room, then in someone’s arms, in the console room for a brief moment before you didn’t recognise anything anymore. You were lying on stiff sheets, everything was white, it was too bright, your whole body ached and your side screamed in pain like you were being stabbed all over again. You must have blacked out because the pain was suddenly gone, barely there, like a lingering soreness after a bruise.

You blinked, looking around to find yourself still in the unfamiliar room, white walls and medical equipment everywhere you looked. Did the Master’s Tardis have an infirmary? It must have. The only thing that broke the blinking white of the room was the man in the chair beside your bed. He seemed miraculously underdressed compared to what he normally wore, and you found yourself wondering what happened to his clothes to make him change into the dark purple sweater and dark jeans he now sported.

“Welcome back” The Master said, interrupting that train of thought before you could ponder it for too long.

“Hi” You said in response.

“That was a terrible plan, let’s never do that again”

“The plan kind of worked actually” You couldn’t help but point out, grinning despite yourself. The Master shot you a warning look, shifting his gaze pointedly to the bandage now wrapped around your middle.

“I mean before the whole stabbing thing. I think all that really needs to be amended is I’ll go stand behind you before you tell the king he’s started his war with a disadvantage” You continued. The Master hummed, seemingly agreeing with that idea. “I was a little surprised at how well it did work actually” You added.

“I wasn’t” The Master said, scoffing a little.

“Not that it was a bad plan” You amended, thinking he might be offended. “But how did you know they’d let me in? That the king would be so easily distracted by me?”

“Because you’re beautiful” The Master shrugged, like it was obvious. He froze only moments after the last syllable left his lips, like he’d realized what he’d said. You were shocked, but in an effort to rid the both of you of embarrassment simply nodded and muttered a ‘thanks’. The Master nodded in return, standing from his chair.

“You should rest” The Master told you, one hand going to brush your hair back from your temple, his fingers brushing your skin ever so slightly. You were already succumbing to sleep by the time you’d realised what he was doing.

Logically considering how close you were to unconsciousness, you probably dreamed the last thing he said, right? It wasn’t something you’d expect him to say, and although most of your interactions with him were unexpected, you couldn’t help but doubt still, when you woke up fully healed and remembered what you’d heard.

“I don’t want to lose you anytime soon”

---------------

Edit:

Part 3: Too Bad You're Making Me Decide

#doctor who #doctor who x reader #doctor who fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #doctor who reader insert #fanfiction #dhawan!master #dhawan!master x reader #master x reader

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forestwater87 · 4 years

Text

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole.

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that).

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84 calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak.

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y.

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here.

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit.

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call!

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do.

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode.

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic.

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff!

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise.

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it.

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation.

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . .

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere.

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great.

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual.

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one.

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy.

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously.

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season.

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen.

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful.

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale).

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family.

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much.

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised.

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results.

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

youtube

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny.

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been.

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #thank you RT Animation for giving me my life these past 4 years #cc david #cc max #cc gwen #i'm not tagging all the characters #campcamp masterpost #i really hope this doesn't get hidden from the tags but #guys this was a super intense labor of love please check it out #but also reading it is also a super intense labor so i get it if you don't XD

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carolofdanvers · 4 years

Text

𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 - nomad steve rogers x sw! reader

steve rogers is not usually the guy to seek out a stranger for relief, but after going into hiding post-avengers-breakup in amsterdam, the sultry red glow emitting from the neon signs in the red light’s district seem more and more tempting each passing night.

( warnings: nsfw, rough, sex work, descriptive smut, slight dom x sub undertones, dark! nomad steve, angsty, oral sex (male recieving), etc. )

Word Count: approx. 4.9k

this is my first one shot, my apologies for making it so long! i got a little carried away. tbh i’m thinking about turning it into a series if people like it enough, i think theres room to explore things here but for now just enjoy! i’d love some feedback if you have any! happy reading!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

To say that Steve Rogers was exhausted would be an understatement. After the fight that broke out in Germany, where friends became enemies and enemies became friends, the blonde super soldier had lost track of time. Although the memories seared through his mind like a surgeons cautery pen as if they were yesterday, the image of Tony in a rage and taking hit after hit, Bucky going under cryo in Wakanda, it had been almost a year. It was hard to believe it; the burner phone weighed heavily in his pocket with no calls or text from his former friend and wealthy fellow avenger. But, in the time he had been on the run, Amsterdam had been the most recent place to call a temporary home. He had stayed in places not so pleasant, like the little motels all across Russia as he backpacked further west into Europe, never really staying in any place for long. He was overly cautious; the man had lost faith in most forms of authority, which rang with such a strong sense of irony considering he was at one point the epitome of a law abiding citizen. Poor pre-serum Steve wouldn't know what to think of the man he had become; bitter, closed off, easily agitated, irritable, and even a bit cruel. He hated the world that had suddenly hated him, the world he found himself wishing he had never woken up into. Steve had become so unbearable that he and sam had split ways for a while, promising to reconvene in London should it be necessary. But now, Steve was on his own, staring out the window of his hotel room that had the perfect view of the canals that swirled like ink, and the bridge that lead right into the ever so alluring Red Light District.

During the day, the Red Light District was rather inconspicuous, perhaps slightly less attractive than the rest of the city, if anything at all. The bricks aligned in a herringbone pattern practically guided you past window after window of beautiful women, quite literally anyone you imagined. The closer you get to the area, the louder the buzzing of neon gets. The bars are usually pretty empty during the day, a few stray women, presumably escorts, looking to pick up an alcoholic or two having a drink at noon. Steve often found himself in these bars, but only during the day to find a place away from the tourist infested hotel and his sad, tiny hotel room. He never got anything to drink besides water, since alcohol metabolized far too quickly in his body to have any affect on him anyways. It was times like these that he missed Thor’s Asgardian brews, the only alcohol he had ever tried that made him feel something, any kind of buzz. But alas, he stuck to water in the dimly lit, smokey bars with sunlight seeping in through the above-ground windows.

The women of the Red Light District never tempted him, at least during the day. Steve had never found the appeal in casual sex. Yes, he was a man with desires and wants and needs, but part of him was too unbothered to try anything. He had Sharon, at one point in time, early on in his fugitive life, but they had since parted ways for the same reason he and Sam parted ways. The man was far too distant to really feel anything, but there was something about this place at night that drew him in more than he wanted to admit. Was it the otherworldly red glow that caught his eye? Or rather the shadows of women dancing in the windows, that same sensual red caressing their skin, barely dressed and jewels adorning their skin and necklaces resting against collarbones and heels far too tall for day to day wear? Perhaps it was the EDM that pounded from the many clubs, or maybe there was something else he couldn’t explain, a primal nature in him that drove him to near madness when he lay in bed trying to sleep, the soft red glow haunting him through the thin curtains covering the sliding door to a balcony. Sometimes, Steve would sit out there, watching the wonderland from afar, scratching his beard as he contemplated venturing into the maw of the beast. He never gave in, knowing the risk of being caught was serving time for treason at best.

But this particular night, Steve was insatiable. His own hands couldn’t possibly satisfy the craving that couldn’t be satisfied, the itch that just couldn’t be scratched. He was usually relatively satisfied after a few minutes, his hand wrapped around the thick veiny shaft of his cock and leaning against the headboard of his bed as he swiftly sent himself over the edge. But tonight was something else entirely. He had gone at it three or four times, his bare and sculpted chest glistening with sweat and his lower half slick with his cum. It didn’t help that his neighbor in the suite next door must have brought home a girl, because between the pounding of the headboard against the wall and the fake moans the poor girl had to emit was obnoxious, Steve couldn’t possibly take it anymore. He put on a few layers, as it was starting to get a little chilly in the city, as well as a hat to hide his face behind, and ventured out into the belly of the beast. He wandered for a while, keeping his head low for a while, until he realized how the red lights drowned out most features. his hat cast a deep shadow over his face, his hands shoved in his pockets as he finally lift his head to look up at the scantily clad women in the windows, waving at passerby after passerby. A few spotted him and fear coursed through his veins, but they didn’t recognize him, only thought he was handsome enough to warrant their attention. but he wasn’t drawn to any of them, not like he was drawn to you.

You were something else entirely. Although you were tucked away towards the end of the rows of windows, your presence was enthralling. He moved closer to the window as if you were a siren and he was lured to you by your song. You hadn’t spotted him yet, dressed in what was more of a burlesque showgirl kind of costume, almost pinup style. The crystals upon your leather bra reflected the haunting neon lights into fragments of color, bouncing around and catching the eye, although your perky breasts were just another set of eye catchers. Steve felt his cock twitch beneath the denim of his jeans, cursing his quick recovery speed considering he had left his hotel almost immediately after his fourth orgasm of the night. The super soldier took off his hat and ran his hands through his long hair to disturb it, never once taking his eyes off of you. you had finally spotted him at this point, noticing the handsome figure now smirking at you as you made eye contact. His stunning blues still managed to shine underneath the red light and something about that carnal look behind them made you forget any other potential customer besides him. you moved coyly, turning around to play shy and peeking over your shoulder, but turning around exposed your plump bum and swaying your hips only accentuated such a feature. You checked again to see if he was still watching, which he was, though a smirk was ever so present beneath his thick beard. Your mouth began to water at the imaginary feeling of his beard between your legs, the coarse hair tickling your inner thighs. This is what sent you over the edge, lifting your hand and summoning him with a single finger, your long nails accentuating the movement. Steve hesitated for a moment, looking over both shoulders, before moving towards the door.

Steve had never solicited anyone before. He had never really had one night stands, let alone payed anyone for sex. He was that kind of guy who wanted chemistry and a relationship between him and his partner, as cheesy as that sounded. He may still be adjusting to the modern world but it didn’t matter when he woke up from being under ice, he would have always felt that way. But he sure as hell felt chemistry between you and him. He entered the room just as you were closing the curtains, standing in the doorway as he took in the layout of the very small room. Where you stood was the giant window that you lured customers through, the lights that once shone through the window were now blocked by thick curtains and that very same red light that haunted his every filthy thought flooded the room. It was tiny, a small bed a little larger than a twin was pressed against the wall, with a sink directly across. It was clean, plainly decorated, but clean. He assumed that every room looked like this. Steve finally got a closer look at you as you stood there staring at him, your painted lips curved into a teasing smile. He noticed that bit of mischief was prevalent in you; he could see it in your eyes, your expressive brows, your hands that wandered your own body to tease him, and god, was it working.

"You're new here." you said, moving in to place your hand's on his broad shoulders beneath his heavy canvas coat, letting them slide down to his chest and slowly unzip. Normally, you'd ask for your payment ahead of time, but this man seemed like he was going to be payment enough. "I've never seen you around, neither have the other girls. Otherwise there would have been plenty of talk. It's not often we get handsome strangers like you in all to ourselves."

Steve was mildly surprised to hear english, tensing up as he felt you unzip his coat, but he couldn't help but let you. Your accent didn't sound like the natives of Amsterdam, making him more and more curious about you. Every new thing he learned about you made him crave you even more, and though he was holding back, he wasn't sure he wanted to anymore.

"Your accent. It isn't Dutch." he was curt, his words getting to the point and it only made you wonder if he would be this harsh and unrefined with your body, something you had been craving from a beautiful man like him.

"It isn't." You pushed his coat off his shoulders to reveal a white t shirt that looked a few sizes too small considering his bulging muscles. The sleeves look like they'd burst any moment. "Would you like it to be?" You purred, arms wrapping around his neck and playing with his long hair, hair that hadn't seen a barber in far too long. "I can be a sweet little girl from London, or perhaps a feisty American woman, or a seductive French Woman fresh from Paris," You mimicked every accent with uncanny precision, leaving the blonde man unsettled and impressed. There was more to you than meets the eye, apparently. Steve was tense as he felt you get even closer, the heat from your bare body enough to make him feel that desire come back full force, blood rushing to his lower abdomen and feeling himself get warm as his large hands finally found their place at your waist, that mischievous smirk growing upon your red lips. "I can be anyone you want me to be." you tugged at his hair playfully.

"To be frank, I don't care. Just be you." he pulled you in roughly, body to body, face only inches from each other. A silent agreement was made between the two of you; this was really going to happen. Your lips collided into a heated kiss. Steve had never felt so sexually attracted to someone in his life without really knowing them. Perhaps that was the appeal, the idea that he had no idea who you were, only that you were willing to do almost anything and be anyone he asked for some euros. He pulled away from the kiss, the two of you now panting as you tugged at the hem of his shirt and helped him lift it up over his head, revealing one hell of a body. What was a man like him doing in Amsterdam alone? Was he single or was he filling the void of a lacking lover with prostitutes in the window brothels? You did not have time to dwell upon those thoughts any longer as his lips found your neck, his arms wrapped around you from behind as you let out little mewls of pleasure. His scratchy beard sent shivers down your spine, lips leaving little red splotches that would surely darken over time. His grip was strong, commanding, a little harsh, but you liked that.

"What can I call you?" you purred, pushing your hips back into his and finding that he had a large bulge that was only getting bigger by the moment. "How does that feel, Sir?" you tested, your hand reaching behind to touch his face while the other rest on top of one of his hands and guided it to your breast. "Do you like it, Master?" Still not a satisfactory reaction from the man you wished to seduce, although he continued to work at your neck and let out a soft groan as his large hand cupped at your breast still covered by the costume you wore. "If you want it, come and get it, Daddy." This was the name, you decided, noticing him freeze at the name before his grip got rougher and he was a little more reckless with you. Steve caught that mischievous look in your eyes again in the mirror and finally the man let go of all his inhibitions. He spun you around to face him before he kissed you again, sloppily and full of need as if you were his life force. His hands wandered your back, pulling you towards him and pressing your body against his chiseled one. the kiss was suffocating in the best way possible, one of his hands sliding up to your face, leaving a trail of goosebumps upon your skin. It settled at your neck, momentarily wrapping around it as if he threatened to tighten his grip, before pressing at the back of your neck to deepen the kiss. He grabbed fistfuls of your freshly done curls that reminded him of the show girls he toured with back in the forties. Everything about you screamed home to him, despite you being completely unaware of what home even was to him, despite him not even having a home anymore. You pulled away only to look him in those beautiful light eyes, the two of you basking in the deep red light that perfectly reflected the heavy heat of the room. Your hands swiftly moved to undo his belt and slide down his jeans that pooled down at his knees, leaving him in his briefs. The imprint of his bulge clearly showed how he yearned for you, his shaft wanting nothing more to escape its confine. you guided him to the little bed and had him lean against it while you wedged yourself between his legs. The way you looked up at him had him going wild, innocent eyes looking up at him through thick lashes as you palmed his cock through the thin fabric. You loved the way he looked down at you, the way his knuckles had turned white from gripping the edge of the bed too rough. He looked down at you with an intensity you rarely saw in a man as you hooked your thumbs into the elastic waistband and tugged down, his member springing out and standing at attention as his boxers joined his other clothing on the floor. Steve watched in awe as you left open mouth kisses on the veiny shaft, groaning upon the feeling of your soft lips where he craved you the most. You were shocked at how large he was, although you shouldn’t have been just by looking at him. You lifted the mattress to grab a condom wrapper, tearing it open and rolling it over his hard member. You, like all the other sex workers in the Red Light District, refused to not use a condom. It was common knowledge and Steve silently agreed to it. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable. His hands found their place in your hair again as your tongue dragged from the base to tip, flicking over the slit that leaked clear precum into the latex. Steve’s body reacted more than he would have liked, involuntarily tensing. A low growl rumbled in his chest as you finally began to take him into your mouth, little by little as your hands with manicured nails wrapped around the shaft. He watched you as you began to bob your head, groans of pleasure escaping him. You looked so beautiful to him, unearthly and sinful with drool dribbling down your chin and watery eyes from taking his thick length into your mouth and hitting the back of your throat. He hadn’t felt the touch of a woman in too long, unaware of how much he had been craving physical intimacy. Watching you move was enough to make him explode right then and there, but he held it back, the coil in his lower abdomen tightening up as he threatened to orgasm.

"Yeah, that's right, doll, take it." he moaned, really getting into things now. You looked up to see his eyes shut and head tossed back. His neck was tense and jaw clenched. He was already close to an orgasm, which was unsurprising to a woman in your field, however you didn't want the fun to end so soon. Your hands moved away from his cock and you braced yourself on either of his thighs as you began to deepthroat him, taking all seven inches down. Suppressing your gag reflex was easy enough, although your jaw ached from his girth. He let out a guttural moan, one he couldn't hold back like the others as your lips closed around him and bottomed out down your throat. He pulled on your hair, the pleasure too overwhelming, but you refused to let him give in. You pulled away with a gasp, strings of saliva connected from his cock to your lips as you breathed heavily and your hands moved at the pace your head had bobbed.

"Does Daddy like it? Does it make him wanna bust? Come on, Daddy-" Steve had enough of the taunting. He lift your chin up so he could look at you, a proper mess with smeared lip stick and drool, wiping it away with his thumb.

"You drive me insane." was all he said before he scooped you up and placed you on the bed. He kicked off his clothes that pooled around his ankles and swiftly undid your own bra, your nipples hardening to the cool air as Steve hovered over you. Once again, his lips found their place at your neck, admiring his marks that had now deepened and went over them again, but unsuspecting you had been so consumed with the feeling of his lips on your neck and trailing down that you hadn't noticed his hand slip away from your waist and slipped beneath the fabric of your lacy promiscuous bottoms. Your eyes, which had previously been shut as you enjoyed his lips on your neck, flew open as you gasped, back arching up towards his hovering body upon feeling his fingers slide between your slick folds. Steve wanted nothing more than to slide into you right then and there upon hearing that beautiful sigh escape you. His cock twitched in need as his lips trailed further down, nibbling on your collarbones and leaving breathy, open mouth kisses until taking the delicate rosebud of your nipple into his mouth and sucking gently while a finger skillfully slid inside you. Your moans were symphonic, like beautiful song, although he knew they weren't faked like the neighbor's girl, her sing-songy moans that annoyed him to no end. He was genuinely pleasing her, and he loved it. You grew wetter by the second, the feeling of his finger, and then fingers inside of you, his lips leaving marks all over your breasts, you weren't sure how much longer you could last. And there was another moment of silent communication, as Steve pulled away, sliding his middle and ring finger out of her and placing them to her lips. "Be a good girl and clean them up." he demanded, groaning as you parted your lips and sucked his fingers clean, tongue swirling around them sensually. His cock twitched at the feeling before pouncing, pinning you down and kissing you feverishly and you reciprocating once more. His hands slid down your body to remove what little clothing was still on you, leaving the two of you bare. Your taste on your tongue was intoxicating, and if he had more time and more patience he would have savored it and perhaps gone down on you, but he was impatient and needed you. Steve's eyes met yours as he lined himself up with you and slid in, the two of you erupting into moans neither of you could hold back. It had been almost a year since the last time Steve had had sex, but you didn't have that excuse. Your moans shocked you. Steve shocked you. You had sex all into the night, every single night, several men leaving this very room and yet none of them felt the way Steve did inside of you. You were unsure of whether or not it was because of how attracted to each other you both were or if he was simply that large (or perhaps it was both), but as he bottomed out inside of you, your nails dug into his broad shoulders and he buried his face into the crook of your neck. You shut your eyes tight, seeing stars from the sheer pleasure of it all, but slowly it began to fade, to which Steve took as a sign to begin to move. He pinned your arms over your head as he pulled almost all the way out, smirking as he slammed back into you. It felt intense as he reached spots few other men had over reached, proving himself superior with every roll of his hips. Steve found satisfaction in the way your face morphed, eyes squeezing shut and nose scrunching before lips parted and formed a perfect "o" shape, letting out another moan that was like music to his ears. It spurred him on, encouraging him to keep going. "You like that, baby?" he asked, although you were so consumed by the pleasure that only incoherent mumbles could escape your lips. Steve wasn't satisfied by this. "Use your words, dollface or else Daddy won't let you cum. Tell me how much you love how I fuck you." He demanded, really getting into it as he picked up the pace, grunting softly as your tight walls gripped him like no other. You were a desperate mess at this point, eyes wild and filled with arousal and fear as the sounds of sex filled the air, skin to skin contact and the faint thumping of EDM from a nearby club. The unmistakable smell of it consumed your mind, unable to form a single proper thought and fully enveloped in this electrifying sense of primal desire. Your body felt hot, a thin sheen of sweat glistening upon your skin like diamonds, your baby hair starting to stick to your forehead from the pleasure of it all. You could feel yourself reaching your climax but you knew he'd deny you of that thing you chased if you didn't talk, if you didn't beg for it. "God, I love how you fuck me, Daddy. You're so big inside of me, you fill me up so good-" You were interrupted by a moan that escaped you involuntarily as he purposely rolled his hips deep into you. You were dangerously close and Steve could feel it too, the way you clenched around him, the way your body rolled like the tides beneath him. He needed to orgasm, but he refused until he heard you beg. "Beg for me, baby girl." He demanded, now thrusting at an ungodly speed. You weren't sure how any human could move like this, but you had no idea who he was, really. You had no idea that he wasn't some average human, you could only assume he was just some guy with extraordinary skills. Steve let go of your hands to get better leverage over you, and your hands flew to his back. "Please Daddy, let me cum," you begged, nails digging into his skin and leaving claw marks upon his flesh to serve as a reminder later when he showered that this was not a dream. "I love how good you fuck me, no other man can possibly compare to you. I love your big cock inside of me, it makes me feel so good. Please daddy, I'm begging you, let your baby girl cum-" You were interrupted by his hand reaching down to find your clit and begin circling it with his fingers, nearly sending you over the edge. But it wasn't his skillful fingers or his thrusting that got you to your peak, but his words, his command that brought you to your orgasm. "Cum for me, doll." Four simple words made you cum, an explosive orgasm that reminded you of the birth of a star. Pleasure ripped through you like white hot lightning and rippled out to your fingers and toes and left you feeling like you were made of stardust and nothing more. You hadn't even realized how loud you were moaning because you were so consumed with the immense pleasure he brought you. Your toes curled and eyes shut tight, head tossed back, shaking violently as your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him in and deeper inside of you. Steve was close, himself, but you pulling him in deeper and deeper with your strong legs around his waist sent him over the edge. He wanted to admire the beauty that was you as you orgasmed, but he could hardly focused as you had tightened around him and an orgasm was imminent. He thrust into you once, twice, and three more times before he came as well, spilling into the condom wrapped around his shaft. He let out a guttural moan in your ear, his own eyes shut tight. The two of you slowly fell from your highs together, panting heavily. Steve's warm breath tickled your neck as he peppered kisses upon your skin again, softening inside of you. It took a moment for you to recover, as it did for Steve, but he seemed eager to leave. You were a bit disappointed as he got up so soon and threw away the used condom, sighing as he was finally satisfied. for now. "How much do I owe you?" he asked as he started to get dressed again, the jingling of his belt filling the heavy silence in the room. You looked at him, languidly propped up on the bed, staring at him like he was a god. "Nothing." you said after a moment of silence. he paused and looked at you, pushing back his long hair and suppressing a smile. "I've never had sex like that before, you must've been angry for a very long time." You teased, grabbing your robe and wrapping yourself up. You grabbed your cigarette and lit it, blowing smoke out between your smudged lips. He scoffed and shook his head, putting his t shirt back on. "Yeah. I guess you could say that." His voice was low, gravelly and quiet, as if that were a loaded statement. If only he could tell you of his troubles, the tales of glory and triumphs...and losses. He had walked in with slumped shoulders and his guard up, but now you noticed his posture had straightened and he seemed a little lighter on his feet. That alone was enough payment. It amused you. You stared at the wallpaper for a moment as he slipped on his hat and began to push the door open. "Can I be expecting you again?" you asked, trying not to let the hopefulness seep into your words. He looked down at his shoes before looking up at you, your curls all distressed, smeared lipstick, blowing smoke out into the air as you leaned against the bed they had fucked on only moments ago. You were otherworldly, and though sometimes it was hard for you to see yourself as even human, he thought the world of you. Brave enough to let strange men fuck you, enter the most vulnerable state a human can be. He admired that about you. "I don't know," was all he could say. You looked at him and nodded, taking a drag from your cigarette and sighing, smoke exiting your body through your nose. Looking down at your bare feet, you pursed your lips. "Well, you know where to find me." You told him. He took one last look at you before he nodded respectfully, leaving without another word. And with that, he disappeared like a ghost.

#steve rogers x reader #marvel #mcu fanfiction #mcu #steve rogers #smut #steve rogers smut #self insert #steve rogers x self insert #marvel smut #marvel imagine #captain america #captain america x reader #captain america x fem #nomad steve #nomad steve rogers #nomad steve x reader

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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August 15: 2x03 The Paradise Syndrome

I have seen this episode once before and I remember it being pretty awful... but tbh, I didn’t think it was so bad this time around. Maybe that’s just because my expectations were, like, Spock’s-Brain low. It definitely had issues but there was stuff I liked too!

Hmmm, that’s not the bridge. It appears to be... California?

Wondering what people might be so “blessed by this environment”--what a manly he-man action/adventure guy thing to say, amirite?

How does Spock know the significant markers of all the Native American tribes at a distance, off the top of his head?

(Answer: he doesn’t; all of this information is wrong and also one of those tribes is completely made up lmao.)

Honestly, who’s to say these people aren’t advanced? How do YOU know?

“Just so peaceful... no command decisions.” Oh no, Jim’s feeling Romantic again.

Honestly, imagine this characterization in AOS: overworked starship captain think he wants a break (but is wrong). Beyond made a vague attempt but missed what it is that Kirk finds stressful about command--it’s not that it’s boring, it’s the weight of the responsibility and the inability to find love.

Although funnily enough, even on his Native American Vacation, he still finds himself in a command position. He just can’t be stopped. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Oh no, the obelisk ate him.

Maybe these people specifically built the obelisk so that they could return to this idyllic ““primitive”“ state, hmm? Maybe they like their lives this way. Maybe they experienced "progress" and then decided that whatever era of their development looked like indigenous American peoples had it right. (This is not correct but it roughly is the plot of Errand of Mercy so I’m not without precedent.)

Spock’s using simple tools to explain his point to Bones lol. “Here, let me dumb it down for you, lesser man of science.”

“Who am I? What are these?” Cpine morning voice: “This must be a dream!”

Kirk looks so confused. The god from the obelisk.

“The engines are showing signs of stress.” Seems to me like SCOTTY’S showing signs of stress.

And yet the music is so whimsical.

Honestly Kirk’s expression here = Denny Crane’s when in a meeting

White man brings CPR, is hailed as god. (I wish I were making this up.)

Damn, Salish has been demoted. How embarrassing for him.

This is a VERY interesting Spock. He does all his calculations, but the he takes all the risks. He’s very certain and single-minded, almost obsessed, not afraid of anything. I think it’s IC but I also think you can see some Kirk influence, perhaps... You can see how Spock has grown in his command abilities since The Galileo Seven.

The wise ones = the aliens.

“He died before he could tell Salish the secret” to opening the Obelisk and stopping the asteroid. That IS unfortunate.

“How does this shirt open?” Lol.

“Your name is Kirok?” “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

“I’ve never been this happy and peaceful.” Funny how he looks neither happy nor peaceful. Maybe it’s something like “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful...and I don’t like it.” Or “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful... there must be something wrong.”

“Here there is much time. For everything.” No there isn’t, there’s an asteroid coming.

Kirk’s cottage core fantasy.

Poor Scotty, so stressed out. Maybe he needs some time with the indigenous aliens.

The Joining Day? Lol okay.

Kirk has no chill, at all. “Oh, you want to get married? Tomorrow? Okay!!” Is this how Gary was able to successfully distract with him the blonde lab technician?

The “stardrive.”

“Estimated repair time?” “FOREVER.”

“And you lost Jim.” Cool it Bones, there’s no need to be cruel. Spock’s already in his thinking pose so you know he’s taking this seriously.

Love Spock’s chair. That’s not Starfleet regulation.

“I have found paradise.” Is he high??

Requisite highly choreographed fight scene.

“You’ve barely eaten or slept for weeks.” That’s because he’s worried about Jim. And the giant asteroid. This is a great Spock and McCoy scene though.

I can’t believe this. Spock lies down (barely!) and McCoy just leaves like he actually thinks he’s won, and then Spock immediately gets up again to go back to work.This guy is even easier to fool than Sarek.

You know Spock spent his whole adolescence going "Sure, I'll do the thing" and then just not doing it.

“A strange lodge that moves through the sky...” Well okay.

Okay I’m sorry, is he sensing the enterprise or is he sensing SPOCK? Because most of this dialogue might just imply he’s generically remembering his old life... but he also specifically says that the “flying lodge” was farther away and now it’s closer again, and how he could he know that otherwise?

She’s pregnant? That’s not good lol. AWKWARD.

Also the closest that TOS will ever come to acknowledging people have sex.

Omg he made a lamp. He made a lamp on his first day there. Does this imply that Captain Kirk had an arts and crafts phase?? Like CPR I understand him knowing--I’m sure everyone in Starfleet does. But hand-carving a lamp? That’s a whole other skill.

Various cultures including “certain Vulcan offshoots” use music notes as words omgggggg I love this information PLEASE tell me more.

“The Preservers” is a good concept imo. Nifty sci fi innovation: taking aliens from endangered places and giving them a new place, then setting it up nicely for them.

Stop throwing things guys! It’s not helping!

“I need Nurse Chapel.” Damn right you do.

Spock really doesn’t like that “wife.” He sounds like “Wife?? How dare??”

Then he suggests it’s a hallucination even though there’s a woman right there.

"Naturally, since he did not come from there. He's my man, get your paws off him."

Vulcan mind fusion? What the heck is that? How is it season 3 and they still don’t know what to call it?

“He is an extremely dynamic individual.” Spock was really taken for a ride in that brain.

“The landing party is expendable.�� There’s the Captain.

“I have an excellent eye for musical notes.” Brag.

“Just press the right button.”

Looks like Spock was the god they wanted all along.

Okay, that was an uncool ending though. I know they basically had to kill Miramanee as soon as she was pregnant but like, there was also no reason for her to be pregnant??? I would have preferred if (1) Miramanee hadn't been pregnant, (2) Jim got over her as soon as he regained his memory and (3) she lived and they just parted awkwardly.

Also I think it would have been nice if they had ended with the Enterprise explaining to Salish how the obelisk works, and then maybe even a hint that he and Miramanee will get back together. Like, maybe not that, since I’m not a fan of women just being used to, like, make men feel better--though I’m also not a fan of them being fridged because of Inconvenient Baby--but he should have at least gotten his position back and, more importantly, the knowledge he was always entitled to. Also, the very existence of an asteroid deflector, along with the people’s extensive knowledge of what weather signifies Oncoming Asteroid, implies this happens to them with some frequency. So in other words, the threat will return.

Plus Salish never got enough credit for being right, which he was! The whole time!

Oh and also I would have liked some acknowledgement that Jim does like being Captain. If you watch the whole show, you know that he occasionally bemoans the stress and his inability to maintain a romantic relationship, despite his love of long walks on the beach, but that he’s also ambitious, he loves exploration and adventure, he gets bored if left in one place too long, and he believes in the necessity of progress and discovery to keep not just individuals but societies from stagnation. But if you just watched this episode, you’d think he’d never been happy in his entire life, and that returning to command makes him miserable.

Aside from the Native American stuff--which was awkward and rather unnecessary and has aged, as you might imagine, very very poorly--I actually didn’t hate the episode. It had some VERY interesting Spock stuff, which I think is within a reasonable Spock characterization, and some great Spock and Bones moments. Kirk’s story line was surprisingly engaging for him being completely separate from the crew, and the general theme that he sometimes needs, or thinks he desires, a break from command, is definitely in keeping with other episodes. I liked the asteroid as the Big Danger, which was surprisingly dynamic--by which I mean, it did a good job of connecting the very disparate story lines on the Enterprise and on the planet. I also liked the Sci Fi Concept of the week in the Protectors. And it was interesting to see an ep take place over a longer period of time.

None of this is to downplay how awkward the Native American elements are--incredibly fetishistic, and also lazy--like, “I want to show something Simple and Idyllic...I know! Indians!” There was no reason they should look like American Indians. In fact, it makes no sense that they do: the Protectors take peoples from planets that are about to be destroyed and (somehow) discreetly move them somewhere else, but Native American peoples still.... very much exist? And so does Earth as a whole. So obviously these aliens weren’t transplanted from Earth. So why should their culture resemble some awkward mishmash of Native American cultures?

So overall I’d say, the ideas of the episode, the structure, the characterizations (mostly), and the overall ideas were good, but it was just very awkward and unfortunate that it chose the... aesthetic that it did--especially because it was very much an aesthetic choice and not a well-thought-out, culturally sensitive one. Gonna be honest and just chalk that up to it being 1968 though.

Next is And the Children Shall Lead, which I actually think was one of the first TOS eps I ever saw... But I don’t remember it at all. So we’ll see!

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #star trek tos #2021: fandom thoughts

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snarkwriteswrasslin · 4 years

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summer sizzle |morningafter ;mjf

Honestly, I don’t know where this one came from beyond my burning desire to write shower smut and to pick up the morning after the one shot that this is based on, Soft. That’s also smut but sometimes it be like that. Since today has been pure and utter shit.. I thought I’d just retreat to my docs and at least attempt finishing this up to post. If you haven’t read Soft, you might want to. Because it’s heavily alluded to in this.

[ prompts ]

Prompts are not mine. They come from several lists I’ve saved and mashed together. I need to sit myself down and find the links and I fully intend to. But in the meantime, I give all the credit to those wonderful prompt makers we have on here. The scenario and the original female character is the only thing I own here.

Prompts are as follows: Showering together + against the wall + wet + height difference kiss + “I heard shower sex is dangerous, but right now, I’m willing to take the risk.” -

[ warnings ]

18+ only. There is smut here. If that’s not your thing, pls keep moving. If you’re underage, please keep moving... Beyond this obvious blanket warning, there is also unprotected sex in the shower. body fluids. maxwell again, being an actual softie. yes, that warrants a warning. Swearing. That’s about it, tbh.

[ tag squad ]

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@waywardwrestlewritingwaif

@sassymox

@mondaynightmcintyre

@wardl0w

@unabashedwrestlefics

@cowboyshit

@adampage

@mafiadaddypaulheyman

@wrestlingthot

[ tag doc - about - masterlist - part one to this (m rated also) ]

morningafter, mjf

Maxwell was still sleeping. I pried my body free from his and sat up in bed, stretching. Last night had been… Something completely unexpected. My mind was still blown. Lines had been crossed but.. I didn’t know what today held in light of it.

In preparation for any curve balls that might come my way, I slipped out of bed, gathering some clothes and stepping into the bathroom quietly. I stripped off of the button down shirt of his that I’d worn to bed, carefully draping it over a towel rack as I yawned and took a second to look at myself in the mirror.

My fingers raised, settling against a line of purple and deep red love bites littering the front of my throat and I bit my lip, allowing the smile to take over. I turned on the sink and splashed some water on my face to attempt waking up a little bit. Then I turned my attention to the shower and bent down, reaching for the handle labeled hot, turning it on.

As the steam started to fill the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and spat in the sink, lowering my head to catch water directly out of the faucet.

I stood up, reaching for a hand towel to wipe my mouth and my eyes met his in the mirror’s reflection. He leaned in the doorway lazily, just staring at me with hints of that soft and cocky smirk on his face for a second or two before stepping closer, his chest pressing right against my bare back and making my breath catch in my throat as his hands worked up and down my sides. My head fell back against his chest and he used that to his advantage, burying his mouth in my neck, his teeth catching at skin and leaving yet another mark behind. “Rolled over and you weren’t there, princess.” the pout formed against my neck as he whispered. His eyes locked on mine in the mirror and he continued quietly, “Kinda worried that you’d left or something.”

Just the look in his eyes when he said it gave away the fact that he didn’t want me to leave. I smiled at the thought and bit my lip, breath catching as rough hands moved over soft skin. God his hands feel so good all over me. This was something that if allowed to, I was definitely going to enjoy getting used to.

I could feel his cock standing up already, poking me from behind as his hand disappeared between my thighs and I whimpered, barely managing to get out my response. “I didn’t want to, ah… oh god that feels so good.. I didn’t want to wake you up.” my words came as more of a question.

This was still shaky territory for me.

I know what he said the night before, but I also know that I’ve been hella wrong in the past about people. So I was playing it by his cues.

And right now, it seemed like nothing was going to change.That small sliver of hope I allowed myself to have the night before only grew more. And I decided not to stop it. That maybe it was time to trust myself and let myself fall.

His hips rocked right against my ass and my torso dug into the counter I stood in front of. “Do you wanna take a shower with me?” I managed to get the question out as his fingers worked me open and his thumb pressed against my clit and started to rub in circular motions. I rocked myself right back against him, a quiet moan echoing off tile walls.

“I’m in here, aren’t I, princess?” he answered my question with a groaned question of his own as I turned to face him, my breath catching when I felt the way his cock grazed against my thighs. If I thought I was wet before, I was flooded now. His hands drifted down my body, settling on my ass and he sat me on the counter’s edge, stepping between my legs and leaning in, his mouth conquering mine hungrily. My hand raised, fingers catching in his hair and tugging at it.

“I’ve heard that shower sex is risky but right now I’m willing to take that risk.” his statement came in a soft growl against my skin as he scooped me off the counter and stepped into the shower. My back met the wall and water cascaded down on us from above, making him flinch when he realized how hot it was. He eyed me and then shaking his head, he reached out for the faucet marked cold and turned it on just a little to cool the heat in the water. His mouth caught against mine again and he stared at me with that look in his eyes.

Adoration. Something I wasn’t used to seeing at all. Something that according to others, Maxwell severely lacked.

His cock grazed right against my throbbing heat and I moaned out loud, rocking myself in his grip so that I rubbed against it all over again. He chuckled into the kiss that still hadn’t broken, that cocky smirk coming easily.

“I’ve got you, princess. There’s no way in hell I’d let you slip.” he chuckled when I tensed just a little because I thought I felt his grip loosening like he was about to drop me. My legs went over his arms and I felt his cock graze carefully between my folds, drawing a needy whimper out of me. I clung to him just a little tighter, and this time, it wasn’t just for the safety factor.

It was because his skin against mine felt so fucking amazing. So right. A droplet of water beaded at his forehead and rolled lazily down our noses between us and he muttered softly against my mouth, “Still in shock that last night actually happened.”

“Me too.”

“In a good way, right?” He pulled his face away from mine slightly, searching my eyes for an answer that I gave seconds later when I gripped his chin, needily drawing his mouth back against my own. “In a really good way.”

“Great. Fucking awesome.” he muttered as his tongue slipped past my lips, tangling with my own. As he pushed himself into me, I nipped at his lip, a soft sigh hanging in the air briefly to be swallowed by our mouths. The water hit an area of his back that I’d dragged my nails down the night before and he shivered, tensing up a little, muttering with a quiet laugh, “You really dug your nails in, princess. It felt that good, hm?”

“I think the neighbors on either side of us can attest to exactly how good it felt, Maxwell. But” I deepened the kiss, bouncing on his cock and whimpering as it pushed in even deeper, “yes. The answer is yes.”

“You haven’t felt anything yet, princess.” he responded, a cocky smirk playing at his lips as we pulled apart to breathe a little, our breath shaky and our eyes locked on one another staring. Almost in awe.

He slammed into me slower and harder and my nails dug into his shoulders as my legs clenched. I could feel an orgasm starting to build. The fact that I was so wet and ready for him that I could hear each slow and deep, wet drive his cock made deep into my cunt only made me so much wetter.

He was slipping out a little, quiet growls and nips at my skin each time he did so. “So fucking wet, princess. I’ve barely done anything yet.” he gasped against my neck as his mouth bore down, lips latching onto skin to leave another string of hickies littering the surface of my skin.

My head fell back, the back of it resting against the tiled shower wall and my breath caught in my throat as I slammed myself up and down on his cock, trying to get more.. Harder.. Faster. Every time I tried, he’d shake his head and slow all the way back down again and by this point, all I wanted to do was cum, I was aching and a breath away from begging for it.

“A perfect fit. Fuck.” he gasped as he started to pick up the pace, really trying to plow me into the wall at this point, “A million times better than I ever imagined. Gonna got so fucking addicted, princess.”

My heart fluttered a little and I felt my cheeks burning at his words. Teeth tugging at his top lip I muttered with a soft laugh, “You thought about this?”

“All the time. Among other things.” his voice was a low growl against my skin as his hands splayed across my ass and his fingertips really dug in, pumping me up and down harder on his cock.

Lust-blown brown eyes locked on mine and he tilted his head forward, his forehead resting against mine, the sound of our heavy breathing and quiet groans and whines being swallowed up by the deep kiss that came and the water beating down on us from overhead. The sudden shock of a cold rush of water covering our bodies had Maxwell fumbling around and trying to turn off the shower before ultimately stepping out and sitting me on the counter, fucking into me all over again.

I wrapped my legs around his hips and pressed against him, clinging. My head fell back as I felt his cock bottom out deep inside, striking right up against my g-spot and making my entire body shiver before tensing up. It was almost to a point now where it took literally everything in me not to cum.

My teeth dug into his bare broad shoulder and he groaned my name, his hands on my hips, pumping me up and down on his cock faster, his hips slapping against mine and the noise echoing as his thrusts became more erratic, his groans needier, our wet bodies slapping against one another with every single deep stroke. I gripped his chin and guided his mouth against mine all over again just to keep myself from outright screaming as I rocked myself against his thrusts, struggling to keep up the blistering pace.

“Maxwell, oh. Ah- ah fuck. Right there. C’mon baby.” I breathed as my mouth half crashed messily against his own all over again and he really started to plow into me, “Need to let go. Fuck… Please?”

“Almost, princess.” he groaned, his fingers now gripping me tight enough to leave marks behind that I could already feel forming. “Can’t fucking wait to feel you clinging to my cock.” he groaned, lowering his mouth down to my chest, his thrusts slowing down a little, making me whimper and whine and rock against him frantically.

As his teeth sank and scraped lightly against my skin, he muttered quietly. “Now, baby. C’mon.” and he didn’t have to say it a second time. My orgasm shattered through me, I clung to him, my lips dancing all over his face and settling lazily against his mouth after I guided his mouth back up to mine. “I don’t want to fucking stop.” he drawled against my mouth quietly, his eyes meeting mine.

My head fell back and I whimpered, a loud moan following as I clumsily rocked my hips to meet his slower and messier thrusts, bodies smacking together, my legs squeezing his waist just to drive him in so deep that I could feel him bottoming out all over again. My pussy vised his cock, flooding it with my juices and I could feel his cock twitching, throbbing a little as he slowed to an almost stop, pulling my mouth against his for a deep and slow and biting kiss, his seed emptying out, filling me up and making me whimper and sigh softly as he filled me.

He stood there a few seconds, letting me cling to him, his mouth moving soft and slow over my neck and throat, my tits and finally, when I whined enough, his mouth crashed against mine and he muttered softly, “So much for a hot shower..” as I laughed softly against his lips, nodding my head in agreement.

#mjf #mjf fanfiction #mjf oneshot #mjf fanfic #mjf imagine #mjf imagines #mjf one shot #my fics; mjf #my writing ; mjf #// 18+ only #// if ya'll thought he was soft in Soft... he's softer here #// unprotected s*x cw #// body fluids cw #// uncharacteristically soft mjf too.#// this may or may not be me using oneshots to tell an actual story bc i'm too much of a lil bitch to write the thing fyi

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meat-husband · 4 years

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Ok, I just found your blog and I am 100% in love with it— it’s so good!! Keep up the good work!! Also, I have a request. I’d like to request the s/o is kidnapped by potential victims of Thomas and anyone else you’d like to add! I feel like someone may think the s/o isn’t suppose to be there and try to ‘save’ them from the ‘evil bad man.’ Thank you!!

Ok I know this is a common trope when it comes to TCM but tbh…. I love it.

—

“What are we gonna do?”

The man’s boots kick up dirt as he paces in front of the truck, gravel crunching under his feet. The headlights are dimmed, but they light up his figure against the dark sky, clouds of dust filtering through the beams as he moves.

“Wait for someone to come by, I suppose.”

The other one is calm, almost relaxed, leaning against the side of the broken down truck with no sign of panic on his face. He’s keeping his cool, but you can hear the light tap, tap, tap of his fingers against the side of the vehicle, a nervous sound that puts you on edge.

“This is the middle of fuckin’ nowhere. Anyone ‘coming by’ is only going to be more of those freaks.”

You want to be offended by his words, but he’s not wrong. They had only made it a few miles down the road from the farmhouse and it wasn’t going to be long before someone noticed that the three of you were absent.

That was the thought that made you worry.

Curled up in the passenger seat of the truck, you huddle against the door, pushing yourself as far away from the two men as possible. They haven’t tried to hurt you - you’re only in this mess in the first place because they had wanted to help - but you don’t want to be near either of them when you’re found.

“Fuck this!”

The sudden exclamation startles you and you look up, peeking out of the opposite window. The angry man is pacing away from the truck, apparently meaning to follow the cracked asphalt on foot.

Both men are old, but the angry man is the younger of the two, his thick beard streaked with gray but still mostly brown. They’re rough looking, the kind that Hoyt interchangeably calls both ‘bikers’ and ‘hippies’, made all the more rough by the gashes and wounds they’d collected over the last few hours at the house.

The older man glances at you through the half broken window on the drivers side. His face is bare, but the hair on his head is long and white.

“C’mon out, girlie, ain’t a bad idea to get movin’.”

“No, thank you.”

The door behind you is jammed shut, or you would have slipped out during the argument. The only way out now is the driver’s door, but you aren’t going to risk being snatched up again.

“What, you wanna go back to those monsters? I’m no gentleman, but we ain’t gonna hurt you. Took you outta that hellhole, didn’t we?”

You shake your head, half afraid to tell him the truth, wishing he would just leave so you could dart out of the truck and run back home. Tears blur your eyes and you bury your head into your arms, wondering if he would be so nice if he knew that you were one of the monsters too.

“I’m fine here,” you stutter out, pressing harder against the broken door. “Please go away.”

There’s quiet for a moment, but you know he isn’t gone, not when you haven’t heard any footsteps.

“Look, now,” you hear him say, a soft, low voice that only makes the tears come faster. “We’re gonna keep you safe, you don’t need to cry. Whatever those bad people did to you, it ain’t gonna happen again.”

You shake your head again, smearing tears into your skin as you try to wipe them away. He didn’t understand and you couldn’t make him understand, not without risking your own safety. They had thought they were rescuing you, dragging you out of the bloody house and away from the animals who kept you there. If they had simply left, sneaking out at night when the family was at rest, perhaps no one would have noticed until the morning, but stopping to take you with them had almost certainly ruined any chance they had of getting away.

Rubbing your eyes with the heels of your hands, you sniffle and pant, looking at him with red rimmed eyes. His expression matches his voice, a gentle look on his lined face, and you struggle to meet his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” you hiccup, holding your knees to your chest. “I really am.”

You see the confusion on his face, but can’t bring yourself to say anything more. He tries again, urging you gently to leave the truck, but you hide your face and stay quiet.

A rumble, distant and low, edges into your hearing. You jump, suddenly sitting up straight and looking out the window, over the flat pastures to where you knew the house was. The man startles too, quieting as he watches you.

The saw is your first thought, heart beating wildly, but it takes you only a second to realize that this droning hum is not the faint roar of the chainsaw. A flash of light, brief but unmistakable, shines from somewhere further down the road, filtering through the trees. Both you and the man seem to come to the same conclusion at once, eyes meeting through the broken window.

“Get out!”

The man screams the command now, throwing open the door and half crawling in to reach you. You flail under his hand, kicking your legs as he grabs for you, but a blinding flash of light hits the cab of the truck and you know it’s too late.

A hand locks around your ankle, dragging you over the seats and out the door, landing in a heap on the asphalt. You feel the gravel and dirt dig into your knees and palms when you land, coughing in the cloud of dust that had been stirred up. The collar of your dress rips when he tries to pull you up by the shoulders, but you’re too breathless to fight him as he struggles to pull you away.

The cruiser is already coming to a harsh stop in front of you, headlights blinding in the darkness, but the man still tries, one hand gripping your ruined collar and the other picking you up at the waist. You’re dead weight, stunned and gasping, halfheartedly trying to block the light in front of you with your hands.

A door opens, slamming closed just a moment later and two sets of footsteps come towards you. The man gives up on his retreat, letting you slump back to the ground at his feet, panting as he slows to a stop. Your legs shake under you, too wobbly to keep yourself upright.

“Let the girl go!”

You hear Hoyt’s voice, but it’s Thomas that you see, stepping between the headlights with something heavy in his hands - not the saw, but something big and blunt, one of the tools he kept in the basement or something grabbed quickly from the barn. He’s only a towering outline against the light, but you can see the anger in him, shoulders tensed and heaving with rage, fingers wrapped tightly around the handle of his weapon.

“Tommy!”

Your voice is hoarse, but you push the words out anyways, stretching your arms out towards him. The headlights blur your vision, but you hear him, closing the distance in only a few steps, until one big hand is closed around your arm. He yanks you up, pulling you roughly to your feet and then into his chest. An arm around your shoulders keeps you close, his face pressed into the mess of your hair as he whines and grunts, and you have to cling to the front of his shirt to keep on your feet.

“Honey, you alright?”

You nod fervently, hoping that Hoyt can see you because you don’t think you could manage a spoken answer. A few gasping breaths steady you, but it’s not enough to calm the beating of your heart.

“You better not have touched a hair on her head,” Hoyt calls to the man. “‘Cause I don’t think Tommy is too happy with you tryin’ to run off with his girl like you did.”

Thomas jerks his head up at that, snarling from behind the mask, and you can see the man’s whole body flinch backwards.

“Fuck you.”

His words are defiant, but they’re said with a tired sigh, coming out in a deflated huff. Hoyt laughs and you hear the metallic click of a gun being readied.

“Make you a deal,” he offers, coming around the car to stand in the light. “You tell me where that other fucker went and I’ll make it quick, alright?”

The gun shines in the headlights, held outstretched in his hand, and you feel your stomach drop.

“I promise you, it’s a better deal than you’ll get from Tommy.”

#slashers #thomas hewitt #slasher x reader #female reader #mmmmmmm got this confused with another ask and had to rewrite half of it #bc i am boo boo the fool #i promise im still writing but i dont get no quarantine time lol #so im like crazy busy at work trying not to catch the plague #lowkey thinking of seeing if a plague dr mask would fly #like i know it wouldnt but... why not

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fae-fucker · 4 years

Text

Zenith: Chapter 68-71

Chapter 68

Andi remembers how Kalee gave her a tour of her home and bragged about how she’d be ruling the place someday. Andi asks why her and not her brother.

Oh, Androma. Kalee had laughed then, tossing her head back in that glorious, carefree way that made everyone around her want to come closer. You and I both know that a woman can rule better than any man ever could. And I’ll look twice as good doing it, too.

Shinsay, voices muffled as their heads are stuck up each other’s asses: This is definitely, 100%, one whole, bona fide, authentic, organic, home-grown feminism that we just put in our book.

Also ... take a look at that weak-ass description that’s supposed to show us how good and cool Kalee is. When she laughs (in a way that tbh have you ever laughed? be real with me now), people want to ... come closer?

Wow! That’s like saying ... when I scratch my face, people want to call their mom. When I brush my hair, people may spontaneously feel the need to take a slightly deeper breath.

Talk about low standards. Hey fellas, you ever see someone laugh and just kinda sorta want to approach them but not really? Yeah, that’s the stuff.

Andi thinks about how Kalee would’ve been a better ruler than her dad, who doesn’t even bother coming down to meet his tortured son because that’s how incompetent and evil and heartless he is. I mean, Andi doesn’t know that Valen is the result of rape, but still. Idk if I’m on board with how the book demonizes the hell out of the General but tried to make whatsherface sympathetic. And by “I don’t know if I am” I mean “I’m definitely not what the fuck is wrong with these people.”

Dex tries to make some conversation and Andi says that nobody befriended Kalee, that only super duper special people were CHOSEN by her to become her friends.

I’m ... not sure how this is supposed to be better. In fact, I’d say it’s worse?

“Kalee chose the people she wished to let into her life. I was honored that she allowed me to be assigned to her.”

“Honored?” Dex asked, raising a bruised brow. “Or damned?”

“I’ll let you know after we talk to the general,” Andi said.

I’m gonna fiking piss. “I’ll tell you whether this important life event was honor or damnation, but like, later, after we have this appointment, ok?” Why is this so funny. Have I fully lost my marbles?

Andi foreshadows some escape tunnels that are hidden all around the estate so Dex has a logical way to save them at the end of the book. I’m sure there is a more elegant way of setting that up, but I can’t be bothered to find one, so let’s call it acceptable and move on.

They arrive at their destination and Andi notices that Alfie seems bummed out. She muses that he’s “capable of far more complex thinking than she’d originally guessed,” which, DOY, but ok, and then thinks about how he’s saved her crew and remembered Gilly’s Marketable Space Pet, which implies he has some “understanding of feelings and attachments.”

That hamster wheel do be spinnin’.

The “head Spectre” comes out to meet them and ...

It took everything in her to speak as the truth struck her.

“Dad?”

DUN DUN DUUUN, it’s Andi’s dad! Also, “the truth struck her?” What truth? That it’s your dad? Was that in doubt? Did you really need a moment to connect the dots, to realize this is your dad? Was there a moment where you saw this man, who is your dad, and thought that this wasn’t your dad, only for the truth to strike and OH SHIT THAT’S MY DAD!! WOW HOLD YOUR HORSES EVERYONE I NEED TIME TO PROCESS THAT THIS IS INDEED MY DAD.

Tbh if you strapped knives to a roomba it’d have more charisma and presence as the protagonist than Andi. And let’s be real, more intelligence.

Yet another chapter ends on a pointless cliffhanger only for the scene to continue exactly where it left off!

You’re just full of surprises, Shinsay.

Chapter 69 (nice)

Andi recaps everything that she’s gone through after the Kalee crash up to the fight with the big alien dude who got deus ex machina-d by Alfie and how she nearly kissed Dex, which gets written as extra special, just so she can make this point:

But this...her father, as General Cortas’s head Spectre?

This might actually kill her.

And aside from how generically melodramatic it is, I can’t help but recall this, from chapter 7:

The man in front of her was a victim of her foolishness. Beside her was the man who’d rejected her love.

The two of them, together? It was nearly enough to shatter Andi.

Andi has the same reaction as I do when in a room with multiple men. Except in her case I think it’s supposed to be deep and personal.

Anyway, self-plagiarism aside, Andi thinks about how her dad was always there for her but then one day wasn’t when he didn’t support her on her trial and how conflicted she feels about him, both wanting to demand justice but also wanting comfort. This is actually quite touching and feels very grounded and realistic.

General Cortas rubs it in that Andi’s dad, “Comander Racella”, has been very loyal and hardworking since he was promoted after Andi’s trial. Andi hopes that her father actually hates the general and was forced to work for him as some sort of punishment for what happened with their daughters.

The general says the situation on Adhira has been taken care of, and when Andi asks whether Xen Ptera attacked because of Valen and her crew’s presence on Adhira, the general says that’s classified. For reasons? Idk. Seems pretty obvious to me, or maybe he just doesn’t know?

Dex tries to yap but Cortas flexes his big dick and reminds Dex that he’s a Guardian now, and Dex is too much of a baby to risk his regained status so he shuts up. This is all spelled out for us by Andi’s inner monologue, because we’re idiots.

The general claims the Xen Pteran forces have been wiped out, saying how it’s probably all they had since there’s few able-bodied and willing people to recruit for war after their planet got fucked, and when Andi presses him for why the attack happened now and on Adhira, he says:

“War never really ends, Androma. The desire for revenge is often too strong to forget.”

“War never ends ... But me and my crew totes ended that war just now. They don’t have any more soldiers so this war is over.” Makes sense, sir.

Cortas says that queen Alara is safe and will be at the Peace Summit, which Andi immediately tells him to cancel because it would be the perfect opportunity for another attack. Cortas replies by saying that Arcardius is impenetrable and that the day the Olen System successfully invades will be the day “stars fall from the sky” which is a very poetic and not at all natural way to say something like this, so it’s there for ... idk dramatic irony? He also reminds her that the Summit is important because it celebrates the peace after the war and the unity between the systems and I’m here like ... for a guy who says war never ends, you sure seem happy to celebrate a war ending and don’t believe one is going on right now. But I guess these characters just exist to spout meaningless yet deep-sounding nonsense at each other.

Dex reminds the general that they’ve done their end of the deal, at which point the general conveniently decides to prolong it out of nowhere and essentially forces Andi and Dex to be Valen’s bodyguards at the Peace Summit by holding Andi’s crew and ship and Dex’s money and status hostage. Thanks for ensuring the main characters are there for the climax, sir! Appreciated!

Dex and Andi leave in a huff.

Chapter 70

We’re in Lira’s POV as she reminisces about her childhood with Lon while he’s recovering from his near-death-experience.

So she sat by [Lon’s] side for endless hours, until the warm clutches of sleep stole her away.

She dreams about flying on an “Adhiran darowak” but then DUN DUN DUUUN Adhira below turns into Xen Ptera and it’s horrible!

“No,” Lira gasped. Her heart began to crack. Fissures spread through it, reaching cold fingers through every valve until Lira felt darkness stealing her away.

So the editor just left that in, huh? Just let Shinsay use the exact same wording in less than 200 words? Must’ve been stolen away by the editing fairy for editing crimes while reading this.

Lira is woken up by Alara, who got here so fucking fast she must be part-Sonic on her father’s side. You’d think a planetary leader would have more to do after a sudden and deadly attack on her home planet, but I guess Adhirans are so chill they’ll just let their leader fuck off to take care of her angsty teenage niece instead.

Lira says that she’ll do anything to make up for bringing Valen to Adhira, to which Alara says that the only thing Lira will do is “follow her heart,” which is sweet of her to say but also really convenient and makes this whole decision easier for her.

I mean, it’s nice that Alara is so supportive, but 1) narratively, it removes the conflict that was introduced only a few chapters ago 2) it makes Alara seem like she’s only there to be the supportive cool aunt and the Good Queen, without any expectations or wants of her own. Like, wasn’t the pressure from Alara something that gave Lira actual conflict? Idk. Seems too easy, is what I’m saying.

Lira didn’t let go of her aunt until the tears dried up. Until they sat down on either side of Lon’s bedside, held his hands and spoke of happier times. The beauty of a family that could come together, broken, and still find a way to become something whole.

You’re one step away from “Ohana means family” over here, Shinsay. Stop spelling shit out. WE. GET. IT. Also, whose narration is this? We’ve mostly stuck to third person limited, so ... is Lira thinking this? Is she thinking this shit while it’s happening? About her own family and situation? What the fuck?

Shinsay couldn’t keep their suspiciously sticky fingers out of their own writing and let it breathe so it comes out looking like God’s mistake.

Anyway, Lon wakes up and Alara tells him what went down on Adhira.

Chapter 71

We’re back with Andi, who just got out of a bath and is bitterly admiring her “private quarters” when she’s interrupted by DUN DUN her dad! He’s been waiting for her!

It’s all very tense. Before they can really start talking, though, we get a flashback. No, really. This whole tense reunion between father and daughter is interrupted by a lengthy flashback brought on by Andi watching her dad and Remembering.

Because Shinsay.

It’s a flashback to Andi in a cell, the day before she was supposed to be executed. Her dad tells her that her mother is "not well” and we find out his name is Oren. As they’re saying their tearful goodbyes, Oren slips Andi a key and tells her “Bay Seven. Tomorrow at dawn.”

The flashback ends with Andi’s cell standing empty the next morning.

Very cool and all that.

Back in the now, Andi rightfully chews her dad out for being a cowardly little bitch and throwing his teenage daughter under the bus for the sake of status. Something he freely admits to doing. He says he and her mother had to struggle to rebuild their reputation after she ruined it, and that he believes his daughter died with Kalee and that whoever he saved in the cell was already the Bloody Baroness even if she didn’t know it yet. Then he fucks off.

It’s all extremely silly. It would’ve been heartbreaking in any better book, but instead, it just feels like it’s tacked on for the sake of adding even more angst to Androma’s character. In fact, she’s not even upset at this. Instead she just carves some more tallies into her swords, dances some more with the dead, and then sneaks out.

No really, it’s written like a list.

She waited for the tears to come. But they never did.

Instead she sat alone, adding more tallies to her swords. Dancing with the dead inside her head.

Why is this so funny! I think it’s because both the tally-carving and the ghost-dancing is supposed to be these deep and haunted things she does that’s given a fair amount of weight and focus, but then it’s just written out like this like it’s just some generic routine shit she does like brushing her teeth or wiping her ass.

Yup, there she goes, doing her generic angsty shit one after the other. Emotional whiplash glossed over for the sake of moving the plot along. She’s in such a bad mental state that we simply MUST ignore it and move on.

Also, I want to highlight how convenient it is for Shinsay to already have Andi suspect and previously coming to terms with how her parents don’t love her before this confrontation. Like, we see her father save her tearfully, yet Andi has almost no hope that he still loves her. Or, she does, but when it’s squashed, she just ... accepts it? Because hey, she already processed that trauma years before! Makes it easy!

Wouldn’t it make it more impactful if all these years, she’s hoped that she has a home to come back to? That her father’s final act of saving her meant they love her still and want her to come back? And now she finds out that they never even mourned her loss? Wouldn’t that be heart-wrenching? And also add to the idea that Andi wants to return to Arcardia, both because it’s her home planet but also because that’s where her parents are? Instead we’re led to believe Andi wants to return, but when she does, she hates it here, she knows nobody wants her here, and she wants to leave immediately.

I seriously question the inclusion of this subplot and these characters. It adds nothing, changes nothing, and is just there to make Andi more angsty, which she already is, so ... why is this here lmao?

Shinsay really went “let’s squander all our potentially interesting ideas and concepts for the sake of more cheap angst and making our protag a cool emotionless badass who don’t care for no thing.”

#eff reads: zenith

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