#does this make sense? i don't even know

[everlastiingiimmortals]

I was thinking again about Ratio's speech to Screwllum and how incensed he became, the sheer emotion in his voice when he speaks of the tumbles and triumphs of human life, and something about that clicked to me. And I think it's something I mentioned before, but it just never hit me so hard.

Ratio finds the human existence so beautiful.

He is so passionate about life, about the belief that it is because the human life is so small and fleeting that people should push and push and strive to their absolute limit, because that is what it means to be human, to be alive.

"Even a life marked by failure is a life worth living."

These are his words directly from the 1.6 ending cutscene. Would someone who only hated stupid, ignorant, factually incorrect people say that? I don't think so. And it is here that I realized: what Ratio hates isn't ignorance in the sense of not knowing something. Ignorance isn't the root cause of his dread.

It's a symptom.

It is a symptom of an attitude of complacency, of stagnation. Because it is as Screwllum says: everyone is ignorant of one thing or another; nobody knows everything, not even Nous. What Ratio is trying to pinpoint and change is that attitude, that quality of being ignorant as a trait, not a state. He's trying to kindle the drive for self-improvement, because to embrace oneself, complete with one's flaws and acknowledging them but striving to improve on them, that is so fucking beautiful. That is the meaning of life.

And I wonder if, really, he uses the word "ignorance" on purpose because it's just... an easier goal to communicate to others, especially with his methods of sparking change. I wonder if he sets himself up to be this "boss" to be challenged, and his classes the battle, because he takes such an antagonistic approach to every aspect of a person that can be criticized that people are compelled to challenge him. In this sense, he's similar to a certain Otto Apocalypse (and possibly his alts as well).

We even see in the space station that he's not specifically attacking ignorance with the phase flame incident, but rather the researchers' complacency and dependence on Herta. What he does is label it under "ignorance" because it is a more inflammatory word, and for those who walk the Path of Erudition, it is an insult. Ignorance is the antonym to erudition. And I guess that his decision to use this approach is because all his life he's been the scholarly type, been surrounded by scholarly types, and it is because of professors that challenged him and wanted to see him push his limits that got him this far. How much of his life might have been wasted if Professor Rond hadn't advocated for him in his youth? If he were to say he wanted to challenge complacency and preach self-sufficiency directly, he'd be a therapist. He would rather die; he could not stand being a therapist, his own sanity would not be able to handle it. What better way to spark change than through the profession he is most familiar with, the one that encouraged him, the one that he knows best? What better way than to use his passion for philosophy and the sciences to spark others'?

Call him a narcissist all you want, it's true, but also nobody would work this hard if they did not believe that their end goal wasn't absolutely worth it. No one would care so much if they didn't find the object of their care precious enough to cultivate. Nobody would make so many fucking statues if they didn't love and celebrate the human body because sculpting requires so much goddamn effort, especially with masonry.

What Ratio pursues is not necessarily the eradication of ignorance, but rather the advocacy of self-improvement, because the human existence is only its most beautiful when passion has a direction and the momentum to propel itself to its limit regardless of whatever stands in its way. That is his self-evident, unchanging truth.

[krysmcscience]

The Lamb is malicious in a funny way and the Goat is funny in a malicious way. No, I will not elaborate.

Anyway, everyone give thanks to the Lamb for interrupting what was sure to be a very boring and patronizing PSA from their grouchy cat hubby. Truly, they are doing God's work. Granted, the Lamb canonically is God now, so, uh. Mostly they're just doing their own work.

Speaking of their grouchy cat hubby, yes this is absolutely still Narilamb, Narinder is 100% into his goofy-ass spouse always no matter what and we all know it, he just wasn't expecting his brand new adopted kid to share the same single goofy-ass brain cell as the Lamb. :)

[userjoel]

cards against joel / cards against ellie : [ THE 1.02 PACK ]

[dogearedheart]

something something about "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing." something something about "I cared about the whole world because of you."

[dailyloopdeloop]

loop and mirabelle. That's it that's the ask

DAY 84: enrolled in the gossip wars

[m-for-now]

As someone who is genderfae (microlabel under genderfluid), I have a lot of different experiences with gender.

I just wish someone told me sooner that it won't go like "today I'm a girl" "today I'm an enby" but more like ,,, "today I am a swamp witch" "today I am a feminine victorian vampire boy" "today I am a forest goblin collecting people's stares about my gender expression like shiny rocks on the ground" "today I'm an androgynous pirate lady"

Like,,, sure, are those real genders? I don't fucking now. If a cisgender person asked me what I identify as that day, would I answer like that? No, definitely not.

But to my genderqueer, trans and genderfluid friends; do you get me? I can't be alone with this, right?

[jade-of-mourning]

sorry sometimes i think about mako and my heart hurts so much. this kid raised himself and his brother on the streets in homelessness and utter poverty from eight through fifteen, promptly after seeing the violent death of his mother and father. he turned to the triple threats because they couldn't survive as a pair of wretched kids without any adult support, and the environment forced him to turn into the exact character that killed his parents in a terrible twist of irony. and after sheer-fucking-luck hits and they aren't homeless anymore, their livelihood wavers on the outcome of what's a literally game to everyone but them; and after things are finally starting to look up and their team is going places and things just might be okay, his gradually stabilizing world unceremoniously expands and everything goes to shit.

and the city that chewed him up and spat him back out, ruined him as a child and took away his ability to stay afloat in a true sense of normalcy as an adult — when it's on the verge of destruction and falling to pieces before his eyes, he gives himself to save it with the full expectation to die. he went from the kid who didn't and couldn't care about anything outside of himself and his brother, to finding redemption for his younger self in his police work despite its injustice against him, to willingly sacrificing himself to a world that had never loved him.

he's a desperate people pleaser, socially and emotionally stunted for the adult he had to be as a kid, unable to navigate interpersonal relationships easily yet still trying his damned hardest. he's intensely and entirely devoted to the things that matter to him and for so long it was only him, bolin, and ensuring their survival — yet by the end, that devotion has expanded to protecting the rest of the world. he starts out entirely self-reliant and ends in trusting the people he cares about to know their own needs, to be able to take care of themselves, to be okay without him despite having spent so much of his life defined by his role in others' well-being.

just. what the fuck i'm such a big fan of this fictional guy and i'm unashamed about it at this point. also let him cry please (if you won't i'll do it i'll let him cry)

[caeslxys]

Something I think is extremely interesting thematically when it comes to connecting what Downfall and the ideas it tackled to the overarching narrative of campaign three is that the things Downfall made a point to showcase of Aeor—Cassida, Hallis, the visual of an aeormaton proposing to her partner, the specific and intentional decision to shed light on a far from insignificant amount of the population being civilians or refugees—is that it plays in perfect parallel across from what is happening (and, really, has been happening) to the ruidusborn on Exandria in present.

Bear with me for a moment. Aeor is ultimately a city that was collectively punished for the decisions of its leadership. We could (and, judging by the amount of discourse around this particular topic already, probably will) argue about what the Gods’ motivation for all of this was—whether it be that they could not, in the end, bear to kill their siblings or that they were terrified at the prospect of mortality—for me it is a very healthy dose of both—but for this I am much more interested in the latter. They were scared. That, really, is the driving force behind both this arc and their role in c3 as a whole.

Why I point this out is: It is far more interesting to me, especially as we go back to Bells Hells this week, to dissect the Gods and their decisions not purely on sympathetic motivation alone but as beings in the highest seat of power in the highest social class in Exandria.

So, having established that the Gods (in relation to mortals) are more a higher social class than anything we could compare to our real life understanding of divinity and that Aeor was eviscerated largely because of their fear—what is the difference between those innocents in Aeor caught in the trappings of their autocratic government leadership and a divine war on the ground, and those of the ruidusborn being manipulated both by Ludinus and by the very thing that inspired such visceral fear in the Gods to start with. I would argue very little.

I think of Cassida, doing what she genuinely thought was right and good and would save people, her son, and the object of her worship—and how that did not matter enough to any of them to spare her because of the fear they held at the very concept of mortality. I think of Liliana and Imogen, one of which we know begged for the gods to help her or send her a sign for years on years, and how every single one of their largest struggles could have been avoided had the gods loved them, their supposed children, as much as they feared what they could be. I think of how the thing that did save Imogen, in the end, was a woman who herself existed in direct defiance of the gods will. I think of that young boy, sixteen years old, that Laudna exalted on Ruidus.

I think it’s completely fair to judge Aeor’s overall society as deeply corrupt—it was!—but its leadership and police force are not a reflection of every one of its citizens. Similarly, it is fair to judge the Ruby Vanguard as corrupt—it is!—but its multiple heads of leadership and even the god-eater further are not a reflection of every one of its members.

Notably, and what I think the Hells will latch onto, this did not matter to the Gods. It did not matter that Cassida was trying to help. She was still too much of a risk. Will it matter, what Imogen does? Will it matter, if that young boy is in the blast radius when they decide to take no further chances?

I’ve seen a lot of people say that the Hells will side with the gods and I don’t think I agree. Especially as Imogen has been scolded and villainized over and over for daring to try and save her mother—who herself has been seen by some as an irredeemable evil in spite of her drive being the exact same—her family—but when it’s the Gods it’s justified? When it’s the Gods, it’s sympathetic? Too sympathetic to criticize further than “they’re family”?

I obviously do not think the Gods should die or be eaten or what have you, and I certainly don’t agree with Ludinus (though I find him much more compelling than just a variation of hubris wizard), but when talking about the Gods in Aeor and in present it isn’t really at all about their motivation or their family. It can’t be. Too many people, including our active protagonists, lives have been effected for it to be as cut and dry as “they’re family”. These are your children. They are your family, too.

[annabelle--cane]

a lot of my first thoughts about martin's characterization back when I first listened were about how he experienced the process of transition into adulthood in a weird out of joint manner, and I want to try and bring that back into the way I think about him. if he dropped out of school at 17 to become his family's breadwinner, then it stands to reason that he'd probably been filling a lot of the "head of household" roles since his early teens, but always in service to and under the direction of a parent that hated him. assuming that he got his institute job within, say, a year of dropping out, and he had to move to london on his own, being able to do all that as a teenager and not just implode (especially with no emotional support) is a significant feat, but it was all based on lies. all of his coworkers would have thought he was 4-6 years older than he was, and he could manage it, but only by making them think he was an incompetent young adult instead of an actually very capable teen. he went straight from being a kid with no time for being a kid to being an adult who was never taught how to be an adult. I think that does something to a person's ability to evaluate their own skills and importance.

[seaweedstarshine]

“They engineered a psychopath to kill you.” “Totally married her. I'd never have made it here alive without River Song.”

Sources: Let's Kill Hitler, Diary of River Song: My Dinner With Andrew, Closing Time, The Husbands of River Song, Diary of River Song: The Furies, Diary of River Song: Animal Instinct, The Ruby's Curse, Time of the Doctor

[oursystemblog]

since you couldn't hear anyone in the beginning, how did you learn who was who? how did you identify parts?

Not Very Helpful Advice-Wise Answer, Mostly just Rambling --

if you mean identify as in "figure out that they were Another Alter" , everyone was distinct enough that we could kind of just tell "hmm . I Am Of A Different State Right Now" -- which was always something we'd noted even before we had a word to put to it, so that wasn't really something we needed to figure out consciously. it's weird to describe it's just a Different Feeling behind the eyes

if you mean identify as in "figure out the name of" -- Most of them didn't actually have names at first so they ended up choosing one and readily wrote it down on their own while they were were fronting

i think for us it was pretty easy because at the beginning the guardian was The Only alter [aside from me , The Host] who would front with any frequency, so i Only had to identify them. this wasn't very hard because they also wanted to identify themself

we worked on that alongside figuring out communication, and it was a decent amount of time before the emotionholder [only other alter at the time] came forward so by then we'd already gotten to the stage of Basic Yes Or No Questions which made it easier

a bit beside the point but i'm adding this on because it's funny (in hindsight), i also freaked out a little bit when that happened because i went "oh i feel switchy/dissociated right now that probably means the guardian is going to front. okay that's fine, i'm used to that now" and then the emotionholder fronted instead (for the first time since we'd started figuring out the system thing) and once they were done i was like "Ok well that wasn't the guardian . That also was not me, though, so Who The Fuck Was That I Thought There Was Like One Other Person Here"

[lover-of-mine]

I couldn't get that right...

[lesbianbanana]

genuinely how was Dakota born? Does Bacchus sometimes come to life while Dionysus is at chb and randomly go reproduce because he's not confined to Zeus' rules? Did Bacchus just think the kid into existence Athena style? Was he just really fucking drunk one time?

[teddybeartoji]

o wait before i start posting any pics.. i was thinking that maybe.. you guys could help me liquify this gender some more by switching up what you call me.... DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE . LOVE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOU USE HE/HIM AND JUST OVERALL LIKE MORE MASC STUFF THAT'S SOOO MMMMMMMMMSO FUCKING GOOD like i don't get to feel that irl at all so it really does make me so happy but i've just been thinking abt TRYING to switch it up more yk? does this even make sense...... . hhhh anyway i might won't even like it and i'll want to just go back to hehim but i wanna try... JUST TO SWITCH IT UP.

[p4nishers]

the fact that buck didn't start smiling or try to play it off as a joke when eddie asked if he was okay. bc with maddie and the others he felt like he had to be okay FOR them. like they were waiting for him to fall apart but he just couldn't allow himself that, because no matter how much he loves them, he can never be truly vulnerable with them without feeling like a burden. but with eddie, he doesn't have that. eddie is his safe place, the person who has seen him at his worst and let buck see him at his worst. so no, he didn't play dying off as a joke bc this was eddie and eddie never needed him to pretend to be alright, he only needed him to be there, alive and with eddie. that's the difference.

it really boils down to buck saying "you don't need to pretend with me" in s5. because they don't, they really don't have to pretend with each other and now that eddie is in a better place he can recognize that and apply it to their relationship as well.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I've been thinking a lot about the one-dimensional kinda fandom interpretations of Dazai and Chuuya in particular - the overemphasis on Dazai's weird brand of mischief/manipulation and Chuuya's anger and tendency to lash out and how it's not like these traits are... wrong, per se - these are their surface level/immediately notable characteristics - it's just that it misses the nuance as to why these traits likely exist.

What these interpretations don't fully capture is their very similar cores deep down - two people plagued by feelings of alienation, human inadequacy and repeated loss. Despite starting from these very similar places, they both dealt with the issue in near opposite ways. Dazai numbed himself to pain (remember: he hates pain! I cannot emphasize this enough!) and rarely gets close to anyone for fear he will lose them - his loss led to apathy, a withdrawal from humanity, a fear that he will always be empty inside - his ability: No Longer Human. Chuuya, on the other hand, refuses to numb himself and instead feels every single emotion in full and values his bonds with others over anything. He wants to belong and makes efforts to be perceived as a part of his group. Underlying this, however, is a kind of tired grief paired with resilience - remember that his ability is Upon the Tainted Sorrow. Not anger, or rage.

Sorrow is what results from this kind of heavy identity crisis and loss - for both of them. Think of Odasaku's read on Dazai as someone who looked close to tears when "acting" in front of the sniper poised to shoot him, describing him to Gide as a too-smart child left in the dark, or the way Stormbringer constantly reminds us that Chuuya is 16 and the desperation he feels in the scene where he holds his own dying clone, unable to help him.

Both characters carry a melancholy, resulting from their respective issues with their own humanity - I know I'm not the first one to comment on how their abilities could just as easily be referring to each other as well as themselves. This reads as very intentional to me - much like Atsushi's story begins as a clear parallel to the short story Rashoumon and Akutagawa sometimes being referred to in more beast-like terms than man, it makes sense that Dazai and Chuuya would reference each other in a similar vein.

And if that was the end of it, then we would expect that deep sorrow to shine through in both characters, but it rarely does except in pivotal moments. That's because the both of them have had to constantly deal with external threats - they believe they cannot afford to show vulnerability.

So, what you get instead is Dazai taking a kind of twisted ownership over his inhumanity and using it to make people afraid of him and to control everything so that he is never blindsided and hurt again, in the process, further alienating himself and making his issues worse. He inflicts fear so he doesn't have to be afraid. He can relax and be as silly as he wants - so long as everything around him is completely according to his predictions. There's a bonus to his foolish demeanour as well: hardly anyone can read him well enough to get close.

Then you get Chuuya, who feels so strongly and so much that it has no choice but to boil over, and due to never being able to or feeling comfortable with being anything but "the strongest", he hides moments when he is touched, or worried, or grieving, with anger and violence and defensiveness. As such, he is always seen as more weapon than person, a cut above the rest, forever standing out to others no matter how much he tries to integrate. The closest he came to true belonging was wrenched away from him before he could have a chance to know what that would actually feel like with the death of the Flags.

These surface traits are defense mechanisms. And the amusing thing to me is that likely means these two would love if that's all most people ever saw of them. (Of course, they clearly do want to be seen and accepted, but defense mechanisms become automatic over time because they often feel much safer. Likely another reason they clash so much - they see each other, and it is deeply uncomfortable for them both.)

So, you have Dazai defending himself with his two-faced nature, making jokes and/or manipulating everyone in the vicinity, and Chuuya defending himself with intimidation and anger, never letting any vulnerability show through because anger is easier but at the core of all of this is that loss and that grief and the sorrow and fear that pervades from it.