#doesn’t deserve that either she met me at my literally worse n already was i AAA so like i just want to be straight w me again bc god fuck

[weirdtenderlove]

it was too exhausting n achy to continuously see kat on Her so i deleted that shit fuck the lgbt community in mi

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Five. "You guys gossip about boys without me?"

warnings: swearing, mentions of emotional abusive/manipulation word count: 3.2k (not including pictures)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

.

Y/n dropped her phone on the bed and slowly rolled off and onto the ground with a soft THUD. She grunted, falling harder than she expected but the dull pain now present in her right shoulder felt deserved somehow. Why did she think she deserved it? Maybe because she was an unconfrontational worm even when the person needed to be confronted because he hurt her more than anyone ever had.

She closed her eyes and wiggled to get comfortable on the thin carpet in her room. Laying on the ground was relaxing to her, forcing her gamer back to straighten to how it was intended. It helped her think, being on the floor. She didn't know why but she didn't question it. Just laid on the floor in acceptance with the dirt and forgotten candy wrappers.

Why didn't she want to respond to Peter? Well, years of being with him and even the months of not being with him had taught her that her ex liked to get his way and liked to take his anger out in her verbally when he didn't.

You could say she's heard some terrible things over very simple inconveniences.

Y/n slowly pattered to her desk and slid on her headphones, finding the discord server Dream said he and George were on. It was a server that a lot of their friends were in, one that Y/n hardly went in since she still hadn't met a lot of them and wasn't super comfortable with talking in it yet.

She scrolled through the various text chats, one for boredom, one for stream questions, one for memes, one for pictures of pets, one for.... discussing the inevitable takeover of rats...? Y/n wasn't sure what that was about but she knew she didn't want to find out. The list went on. She was pretty sure they had made a channel for every possible message someone could ever send.

There were equally as many voice channels, most of them titled with the names of different games for when they only played with each other and didn't stream. Some of them were just random names and she noticed there was one to match the rat takeover text channel. Okay, who was responsible for that?

After what felt like an entire scavenger hunt and with many new questions in her mind, Y/n finally found the voice channel Dream and George were in and clicked on it. It was called memerz-only.

"I'm not a memer, am I allowed in here?" she asked. She hadn't realized how messed up her voice was since she hadn't talked all day.

"Holy shit, Bug, you sound awful."

She scoffed a laugh. "Thanks, Dream. Really means a lot." She did sound pretty scuffed. Her voice was a little scratchy from not talking literally all day.

"You doing okay, Bugsy?" George asked kindly, to which she hummed.

“I just have one quick question...”

“Mhm?”

“This is simple, please don’t elaborate further. There’s a channel on this server... did you guys mean rat as in BadBoyHalo’s dog or rats as in rats?”

Neither of them spoke for a minute before George understood what she was referring to. “Oh! Rats as in rats.”

“Okay, thank you.” 

“Yeah, Quackity—“

“No!” she interupted. “No! I said I don’t wanna know. I really don’t. I’m too afraid to understand.”

“Wha- HA, okay.”

“Good choice, Bugsy. I wish I didn’t know what it’s about. It’s a lot weirder than you’d think.”

“Now that that’s settled,” Dream said with a laugh. “How are you doing, Bug?”

"Neither of you are streaming, right?" she asked, doubling checking the twitch app on her phone to be sure.

"No."

"So I don't have to pretend to be happy and bubbly?"

"No, you can be as mundane as you'd like," Dream said. "We don't mind."

"Yeah, honestly, most of the time when Dream and I are on calls alone it's just us being super boring and hardly talking."

"That's..." she paused to find the right words and decided with, "actually really cute. You guys just enjoy each other's presence."

George scoffed and Dream giggled. "See, even Bug says we're cute, Georgie! Why can you tell me you love me?"

"I'll leave right now if you don't stop," George threatened. "Can we go back to how Bugsy's miserable?"

"I'm not miserable, I just..." she hesitated. She had already told George about why she was having a bad day, but Dream?

She didn't want to tell Karl because she knew he would yell at her. She didn't want to tell Sapnap because she didn't trust him not to tell everyone (on accident, of course). For some reason, it was a different kind of hesitation than with the others that made her not want to tell Dream. She didn't want to tell him because she didn't want to be... embarrassed? Maybe that was it. She thought it would be embarrassing to tell Dream about how her ex-boyfriend treated her like shit and how now he wants to get back together with her. Plus, she knew how everyone else individually would react but Dream was a complete mystery. Maybe he'd yell at her too and say she's stupid for being affected by an ex. Maybe he'd break down crying for some reason? Who knows?

"You don't have to tell us," Dream stated. "Seriously."

"It's embarrassing," she said, tucking her feet beneath her on her seat. As she said the words, she decided they felt right. She was embarrassed. "But George already knows."

Above everyone else, Y/n was okay with telling George about her situation because he and her tended to talk about their troublesome relationships quite often. He always came to her for advice and she to him. They were very similar in their ways of thinking and seemed to have lots of similar dating stories, even if neither of them knew what the hell they were doing. She knew he'd never judge her for thinking unclearly since he tended to do the same.

George hummed, not knowing what to say since she hadn't said much. She could tell he didn't wanna say something that might make Dream more nosey and start hounding her about telling him.

"What hap—never mind. Not my business," Dream said quickly.

"No, I mean, I kinda wanted to talk to George about it again anyway so I guess you can join in on the gossip." Guess my mouth decided for me on this one, she thought.

"Wait, what? You guys gossip about boys without me?"

"Oh my gosh, don't say it like that, Dream," George groaned. "Bugsy and I talk about relationship problems a lot, yes. Not just boys."

"How did I not know this?"

"Because you don't know a lot of things?"

"It's normally George sending screenshots of text conversations with girls and asking me how to let them down gently," Y/n explained with a giggle.

"Or Y/n talking about her asshole ex."

"George! What do you and Karl not get about not calling him names?"

"I'm so lost," Dream mumbled.

Y/n sighed. "Okay, well," she cut herself off with a groan. "It's so embarrassing. Basically, my ex asked me to 'chat' this morning which is code for he wants to get back together—"

"Do you know that for sure?" Dream asked.

"Yeah, we already decided that," George snapped. "Let her finish."

"Sorry."

"So he wants to get back together and I feel stupid for wanting to listen to what he has to say."

"How is that embarrassing?"

"Because he hurt me and I feel like an idiot because him even suggesting that means he doesn't realize how badly he hurt me. It makes me feel like, I don't know, like all the time I spent being upset was for nothing," Y/n explained in a soft voice. "And because his simple, like, five word text made me freak out all day to the point of exhaustion."

"I don't think you should be embarrassed, Bugsy," George offered.

"Have either of you, uh, have you ever considered dating an ex?"

"Didn't you just say he hurt you badly?" Dream asked. "You aren't thinking of getting back with him, are you?"

"No... but I want to stay friends so maybe I should hear him out?"

"Well, I've never gotten back with an ex," he said bluntly. "But to be fair, all my relationships have ended badly or for bad reasons so I've never wanted to see any of them again. Staying friends depends on why you and he broke up, I guess, but..."

"Um, how do I put this..." she trailed off. "He was mean to me."

"Then no? Simple."

"But I've forgiven him and I think he's changed."

"People don't change that easily. Didn't you break up like, a few months ago?" George asked.

"Yeah, but—"

"Honestly I think if a guy was ever mean to you he doesn't deserve any more of your attention," Dream decided. "So, no. Don't even be his friend. Don't listen to a single thing he has to say."

"That's what I told her," George agreed.

"If that were the case, you guys shouldn't be friends," she argued. "You're mean to each other all the time."

"But we know it's a joke," George defended.

"So you're saying if someone is ever purposefully mean to you just once, you drop them forever?"

"Well, no," Dream said. "Not exactly. But it sounds like he was super mean to you since it's why you broke up."

She took a deep breath. She didn't want to go into detail. She was already uncomfortable enough talking about her personal life so much, but she trusted both of them and needed to get it off her chest and they were there and willing to listen. They had already established wanting to listen to her if she wanted to speak and right now, she wanted to speak. Maybe not the full story, but at least some. "He, um, well, the mean things he said, he said because he was trying to get me to see what he thought was the truth about myself."

Both of them were silent for a few moments. "I'm still confused," George admitted.

"Me too... But you don't have to tell us." Dream explained again. She thought it was sweet that they kept reassuring her that.

"I know, but I want to. If it's not too much for you guys..."

"No, go ahead, if you want."

"Uh, he lowkey emotionally manipulated me by telling me I wasn't good enough for anyone and stuff and how he was the only one who could ever love me. The second part he said truly believing that he was being romantic. There are a lot worse and specific things engraved in my brain but that's the gist of what he would tell me. He made me believe that I could never leave him because I could never be loved by anyone else. But he said it all in a way that... he thought he was just... letting me in on something no one else had the guts to tell me."

George gasped. "What?! Bugsy, I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was like that."

"Woah, what the hell? No. Absolutely not. Don't give this guy a second thought. Cut him off for good," Dream said sternly, angry that anyone would say that to anyone, especially to someone like Y/n. "Wait, so, you broke up with him?"

"Yeah. After Karl yelled at me a lot and explained his outside point of view, I finally realized Peter was gaslighting me and emotionally abusing me and stuff so I dumped him. I guess right now I'm just upset by it because I thought we were past this and I was healing and him reaching out affected me again. I'm just emotionally exhausted. Like I said, it hurts to know that he doesn't realize what he did to me."

"I'm really sorry, Bug," Dream said softly. "Gimme his address and I'll punch him for you."

She laughed through her nose. "That's okay. Thanks."

"Yeah, she can go set his house on fire if she wants. She's proven that already."

"Shut up, George," she said with a small laugh.

"Wh......at?" Dream stuttered and George briefly explained.

"Well, Bug, just so you know, in case you weren't aware, you're really cool and sweet and funny and we really like having you around–" Dream started.

"Oh, ugh, no don't do this," she tried to joke but he ignored her as he continued his speech.

"–and you're way too good to be hanging out with either of us, and whatever that asshole was showing you wasn't love. 'No one could love you like he did' because what he was doing was not love, it was abuse." Dream's voice had a certain gentleness to it as he spoke that comforted Y/n and made her believe him. He was blunt but it didn't stab her in the heart like it should have.

If Y/n ever cried, she might have just then from how sweet they were both being. But she didn't because that wasn't something she did. She never cried over anything Peter said, never cried during movies, and didn't cry then. But she did smile very fondly at the Discord screen in front of her.

"Thank you, Dream."

"You know I'm not good with words, but, yeah, what Dream said," George said. "I'm sorry you had to go through that thinking it was normal. Please, please, do not get back together with him and please don't be friends with him."

"He's fine as a friend though."

"Bug. Whether he's fine as a friend doesn't matter, he doesn't deserve to have you as a friend. He treated you like shit, it's okay to be a little cold to him."

She sighed. They were right. "Okay." There was a long pause before, "thanks, guys. Sorry for coming in here and dumping my problems on you—"

"Don't be sorry," George said. "We're the ones that asked you to come in and share. We knew what we signed up for and don't regret it."

"Seriously, Bug, we care about you. You're allowed to, you know, talk about yourself." How did he know that's what she meant by that sentence? The way he could read her mind was heart-warming.

"Also, George knows this but Dream, there's a strict no-telling policy about this kinda thing. Please don't tell anyone."

"I wouldn't even think of it," he promised. "My lips are sealed."

"Good."

A soft animal noise came from one of their mics and Y/n strained her ears to listen. "Was that a cat?"

"Patches has entered the chat," George joked.

Dream chuckled. "Yeah, my cat just jumped on my lap."

"Aw, you have a cat? Lemme see lemme see lemme see!" Y/n begged. "Partly because I would love if we could stop talking about my ex-boyfriend and the other part because I love cats."

"There's pictures of her in the pets channel on Discord—"

"No, no I want a picture of her on your lap. Is she all snuggled up?"

"Yeah, she is."

"PleASE, Dream. I need to see the snuggly cat."

"Fine, fine, if you insist. Give me a second."

A few moments later, she got a DM from Dream and smiled at the picture. His room was dark but the computer screen cast a cold glow over a ball of fur on a lap clad in sweatpants. "Awww, she's so cute."

"Dream, I wanna see it too," George whined. "Send it to the pets channel."

"I'm literally making this my lock screen," Y/n informed, making Dream laugh.

"No, George, it's only for Bug. She's had a bad day so she gets exclusive Patches content."

"What? That is so messed up."

"You know what's messed up, George?" Dream asked. "You never come to me with advice on how to reject girls. We're on the phone for 12 hours a day but you can't talk to me about girls? Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"You'll just make fun of me."

"Why would I? What makes you think that?"

"Because Sapnap and I make fun of you? So obviously you and him would make fun of me?" George said with a laugh.

"....that's fair."

Y/n locked her phone and clicked the home button to admire her new lock screen. "I love her," she whispered.

Dream and George both laughed. "I'm regretting sending you that. You're gonna, like, make a shrine or something."

"What would be wrong with that? She's precious. She deserves a shrine."

"Yeah, Dream, you're the one that feeds her gormet cooked food," George teased with a laugh. "You probably have a shrine."

"That's normal! That's what people feed their cats! That's completely normal!"

"I don't," George countered.

"Then what do you feed your cat?" Dream asked.

"I dunno, normal cat food?"

"Wait! You have a cat too??" Y/n asked. "I feel like we're missing a huge detail and it's that George never told me he had a cat."

"And a dog."

"WHAT? GEORGE! Send me pictures!!!!!"

"I can't right now, it's like three am. They're sleeping. Look in the pets channel."

"You're the worst," she grumbled, clicking and scrolling to find his pets. She saw a lot of cute pictures of other peoples pets along the way but couldn't find George's.

"Hey, do your animals have English accents?" Dream asked, making Y/n laugh.

"What?" George scoffed. "You're so stupid."

"How would that even sound?" Y/n asked.

"Like..." Dream thought, preparing to test out how it would hypothetically sound. "Meow," Dream meowed in his best accent, failing miserable.

"Oh gosh, never do that again," Y/n begged.

Dream laughed into his mic. "That was disgusting. George, I really hope your pets don't have accents."

"They're animals, so probably not. And if they did, it definitely wouldn't sound like whatever that was."

"Oh come on–"

"OH I FOUND THEM." Y/n announced as she found a message from George in the pets channel with the message 'heard we're sharing our pets'. "GEORGE. THEY'RE SO CUTE."

"Are you gonna make them your background picture now?" George asked.

"What, no way! It's Patches!" Dream scoffed.

"Yeah, I'll make George's pets my home screen. Oh, what a good day." As soon as she said it, a metal bowling ball fell to her stomach, reminding her of all the reasons it was, in fact, not a good day.

She got off after a while, feeling the weight of a particular idiot man's stupid simple text catch up with her again. She thanked Dream and George for letting her join, they invited her to always hang out with them, and she went on her way.

Y/n fell on her bed and curled up under the covers as her mind started to wander from Peter to Dream. She was really glad she met him. He was a really good person and he was always so incredibly kind to her. George and Sapnap and Karl were all great friends, so caring and understanding and always looking out for her, but Dream was different and she didn't know why.

Maybe it was because he seemed untouchable still, like he had no reason to hang out around someone like her. But he wasn't untouchable in the celebrity was since he had a large following, because all of her friends did and they didn't seem untouchable. Then what was it? What set him apart from, say, Karl? She trusted Karl with her life and had known him for quite a while. She knew Dream for maybe a few weeks and almost trusted him the same amount.

Why?

She picked her phone up off the bed and pulled up Twitter, deciding to DM Dream since he was already existing in her mind rent-free. Might as well make him pay his rent by bothering him.

*********

PREVIOUS | NEXT

*********

A/N: EEEEEEEE I hope that all made sense lmaaoooo basically yn ex = gaarrbbaaagggeeeee and ruined her self-worth a lot!! not poggers!!!!!!  THANK U GUYS FOR BEING SO SWEET ALL THE TIME ALL FOR ALL THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK ON ALL THE  CHAPTERS!!! I love seeing you guys make predictions and tell me how aljkDFB chapters make you feel bc same :/

taglist: OPEN (at the time) @hydrate-tion @loraleiix @tinaswagbd @charsdummb @smileyyuta @1ghoste1 @cerberus-hellhound @gaysludge @queestionmark @carnations-red @letsloveimagines @the-fictionwriters-hairdo @boiled-onionrings @a-cryptic @fee-btheweeb @letsloveimagines @erwinss @just-a-stan @axths @kayleigh2703 @furiouspockettoad @sometimeseverythingsucks @powerpuffyn​ @itshaileyn @millavalntyne @automaticcomputerpaper @nikkineeky @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @sprucekot @jabby16 @mae-musicbitch @hungoverhellhound @dreamyteam @kuroo-icedtea @stuffforreferences @menacingaesthetic @sapphic-soot @fangeekkk 

[suguruverse]

hey!! i love your best friends hcs, and i was wondering if you could do one with bokuto and akaashi (or fukurodani in general) :) tysm

— BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH BOKUTO AND AKAASHI

includes - bokuto koutaro and akaashi keiji

a/n - my two fav boys!! hope you enjoy this bby <33

- you guys are just never apart?? like no one has ever seen one of you guys without seeing the other two

- you guys either met because you were in akaashi’s class and he asked you to be bokuto’s tutor because akaashi was busy or you’re the vbc manager

- and after spending so much time with them, you ended up developing certain aspects of both their personalities

- i feels like bokuto and akaashi and both the types of people to blow their money on you and you always complain about them saving money, but they never listen to you

- they both think that you deserve the world and more for dealing with them

- bokuto is extremely spontaneous, so there is no doubt that he won’t call you and akaashi to go on an adventure at 2am

- the group hugs are immaculate 

- honestly most of the friendship is just you and akaashi babysitting bokuto

- THEY LOVE YOUR SMILE AND ALWAYS SAY THAT YOU HAVE A SMILE OF AN ANGEL FKEBFKEJ <33

- will do everything and anything just for you to keep smiling

- they will defend you to the death

- there is no way they allow anyone to talk down on you

- if you ever ask them to bring to do something for you, they will do it, no questions asked

- if you have periods, then akaashi is your man

- he has pads, tampons, painkillers, heat pads, basically anything you need in his bag AND his locker

- bokuto isn’t too sure but he does know that you’re in a lot of pain and that you always want affection, so he will drop everything and anything to get something you need

- you guys have matching bracelets, yk the one with the beads, yup and bokuto made it for you for your ‘1 year friendiversary’

- they are definitely the emotional support over logical solution type of guys

- they just wanna see you happy always

- personal space? no, just no.

- bokuto HAS to be touching you in some type of way

- whether it’s hugging you, holding your hand or even latching onto your sleeve or shirt

- BOKUTO LITERALLY WHINES WHENEVER HE’S WITHOUT YOU OR AKAASHI

- EVEN WORSE WHEN HE’S NOT WITH EITHER OF YOU

- that’s why you guys facetime every night and fall asleep on call

- bokuto also just holds onto you out of nowhere and at really random places, while akaashi just looks at you guys, kinda wanting to join in

- one look at your face and they can somehow tell everything about your emotional state

- one time akaashi just walked up to you out of nowhere, handed you your fav candy, drinks and tissues, hugged you and just said:

“y/n, it’s okay, i’m so damn proud of you okay? it’s okay to cry sometimes”

- did you cry for the next two hours? obviously. did he complain that his shirt was now covered in tears and snot? of course not.

- bokuto saw your red-shot eyes and immediately started complaining about why you didn’t come to him for comfort as well

- IDC WHAT YALL SAY, CUDDLING WITH BOKUAKA??? PERFECTION

- you may not be able to breathe with bokuto squeezing you, but yk, he’s warm, so you aren’t complaining

- bokuto literally has no boundries with you

- he will follow you to the bathroom so he can continue with his story, will strip in front of you etc.

- and he will find no problem with that

- they will show you off no problem

- having conversations with someone in their class? the are constantly bringing you up

- pls if you have a competition of any sort, they are front row cheering you on

- if you’re interested in someone, they’re supportive (kinda)

- bokuto will grab onto your shirt and then hug you as tight as he can because he doesn’t want to lose one of his best friends

- they do daily check ins to make sure you’re eating and drinking water

- bokuto tries to do pranks on you but you always catch on and go with it, but once you did this and he got scared because he thought you actually believed him

- akaashi once called you ‘darling’ as a dare, but you loved it so much, that he cals you that on the daily now

- bokuto 100% shows his love and appreciation for you through physical touch and words of affirmation

- akaashi is more of a quality time, acts of service kinda guy

gc name: y/n’s sexy bodyguards

bokuto: Y/N WHERE ARE YOU, ME AND ‘KAASHI ARE AT THE GATES, HURRY UP I MISS YOU <333

akaashi: yes y/n hurry, bokuto-san is going to actually going to start crying on my shoulder

bokuto: ‘KAASHI NO IM NOT, STOP LYING IN FRONT OF Y/N

bokuto: y/n pls hurry baby, you already know movie night starts at 6 :(( where are you :((

bokuto: miss you already pls reply :(

bokuto: if ur mad at me or ‘kaashi just tell us 

bokuto: why aren’t you replying baby???????? :((((

akaashi: calm down, she probably got caught up doing something for a teacher

akaashi: but yes darling, please hurry, you should know that movie night starts at 6 and its already 5:30

you: MY BABIESSS :((( M SORRY, yumekawa-san wanted to talk to me about something

akaashi: from the basketball team? what did he need you for?

bokuto: HEY HEY ‘KAASHI, WHOS THAT

you: oh well... he asked me out :))

akaashi: oh.. wait what

bokuto: WHO DID, WHO DID, NOOOOO Y/N DON’T LEAVE DON’T LEAVE, ILL BE YOUR BOYFRIEND JUST DON’T LEAVE ME AND ‘KAASHI ALONE

akaashi: bokuto-san calm down, if she said yes, that’s her business. they’re very beautiful, sweet, kind and helpful. it’s no wonder way yumekawa-san asked them out

bokuto: ‘KAASHI I ALREADY KNOW THEY’RE ALL THOSE THINGS BUT I STILL DON’T LIKE IT. THEY’RE MINE

bokuto: y/n, y/n, do you like him back? :(((

you: of course not kou!! i rejected him so there’s no need to worry

akaashi: oh thank god

you: huh???

akaashi: nothing

bokuto: YAY YAY YAY, Y/N I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU, DON’T SCARE ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAINNNN :((

you: i know, i’m sorry kou, i’m on my way to you guys right now!!

bokuto: OK OK SEE YOU SOOM MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH <33

you: mwah mwah see you soon my love

akaashi: stay safe darling

bokuto: kiss :(

akaashi: mwah mwah 

bokuto: :)) thank you ‘kaashi

akaashi: no worries, bokuto-san

[thesunicarusfellfor]

CC!Ranboo, CC!Tubbo and CC!Tommy with a Sweet but Scary F!Reader

can you write tommy, ranboo, and tubbo (platonic ofc) with a 14 year old fem streamer reader that is short, adorable, and has a cute voice; but is a master at all sorts of martial arts; have won lots of championships; and does not take shit from no one; mess with her and you’ll get an ass beat. doesn’t care if you’re from a different state or country, she will hop on a plane and be at your doorstep to give you a well deserved round house kick;;; but after that she’ll be all fluffy and adorable again 🥺🥰

Ooooohhhh. This sounds adorable. I'm gonna do it as separate headcanons if that's alright with you? If you want me to write a full story on it just send another ask ^^

Cussing is censored in an attempt to get on Tumblr's good side.

Tommy

Honestly, he felt a constant need to protect you. Even if he didn't act like it.

In his eyes, you were still young and unaware of the dangers that comes with being a streamer. Let alone a Minecraft one.

He begged you to become a mod in your Twitch chat.

He joked that he was going to cause violence and chaos constantly, but in reality, he wanted to make sure there were no creeps going after you.

If there was, Tommy would either ban them or ask Father of Minecraft Philza to start crafting a belt for them.

When you mentioned that you won a lot of martial arts championships, he was taken off guard a bit, but also didn't seem to believe you.

"But you're so small... And you're... Small."

"That's poggers and all, but you don't seem like the kinda girl to... Be able to beat someone up."

"Your voice doesn't seem threatening in the least, (F/n)/(S/n)." (Streamer name)

Boy. He ate those words quick.

You were both streaming and had finished a lore bit for the SMP, and he heard you GO OFF on a creepy donation.

Because he was focused on his chat at the moment, he didn't have the time to carefully graze through your comments.

Tommy was left visibly reeling from the threats you gave for a solid few seconds before slowly leaning over and murmuring.

"Little (F/L) (first letter), You weren't muted... Also. Holy- I think you... Uh.. Un alived them! Twitch that's a joke. Please."

When you showed your trophies on stream (via face cam or picture), Tommy definitely began to believe you.

Lowkey bragged about it to his twitch chat later on.

"Yeah guys, she's actually really pog and strong. But she's short and young so I can easily beat her."

Feared for his life when people clipped that part of the stream and tagged you on Twitter with the video.

Tubbo

While Tubbo is protective, he's not as protective as Tommy is.

He does get mad at the creepy donos or comments that you would receive, but he believes you can handle it on your own.

Some days though, he will find himself getting worried enough to watch your stream and hyper focus on the chat. (Yes he's a mod as well.)

This man was in absolute awe when you showed off your trophies and ribbons to the chat.

"When you come and visit... Can you show me how to do those things- OH MY GOD CAN YOU DO A KICK FLIP?"

"Could you technically throw me over your head?"

"Have you ever broken anyone's bones?"

Mans is very curious and asked you a bunch of questions in rapid succession.

I mean he asked you everything.

"Ever karate kicked a man in the balls?"

"Tubbo!"

"WhAT?! It's a fair question!"

He was very confident in your ability to protect yourself in person, but he was still a bit weary of the twitch chat.

One day he went into the VC you were already in to ask if you wanted help with building something on the SMP.

He certainly did not expect to hear someone being verbally ripped apart then suddenly-

"Oh hello, Tubbo!"

"How did you go from threatening to rip a person's intestines out to saying hello in the sweetest voice ever?!"

"...Is there a Karate move where you rip someone's intestines out?"

Ranboo

If you thought Tommy was protective.

Oh boy. This man is easily twenty times worse. EASILY.

You both met when you were smaller streamers and since then, this man has been so protective over you.

People have even started nicknaming you Sisterboo because of his heavy protectiveness of you.

You have stated before that you did know martial arts, but that didn't stop him from trying to ward off the creeps.

"Did you just insult Sisterboo in MY presence?" While he was joking, the person who insulted you got heavily banned.

Chat clipped that and it went viral on twitter within an hour.

While you did think Ranboo was over reacting a tad bit, you were kinda glad.

Albeit you were still young, but you weren't stupid. You knew the internet was a dangerous place.

If you ever streamed, you could guarentee that Ranboo was always one of the first 20 people to show up and mod the chat.

Even if it was 4am his time! He purposely has it so the notification when you're live can go through his Do Not Disturb function on his phone.

One day, he was a little busy with finishing building something for Karl's Tales of the SMP, and missed the notification by about 20 minutes. He felt like the scum of the earth.

When he arrived, he already was typing an apology but he was quickly shut up by you telling off some creep.

"-I don't care what state, province or even country you live in, bud. I will hop onto a plane to come to your house and- Oh! Ranboo's here! Hello!"

This man WHEEZED for easily ten minutes

He literally got on call with you to congratulate you on telling the person off, although he kept cackling with laughter every ten seconds as he remembered what you said.

Did relax on his protectiveness a tiny bit but sometimes let a few of the (lesser mean) hate comments through just to hear you rip them a new one.

"Wait can you actually do that though? Is that a martial arts move?"

[icarushasfallenfromthestars]

can you write tommy, ranboo, and tubbo (platonic ofc) with a 14 year old fem streamer reader that is short, adorable, and has a cute voice; but is a master at all sorts of martial arts; have won lots of championships; and does not take shit from no one; mess with her and you’ll get an ass beat. doesn’t care if you’re from a different state or country, she will hop on a plane and be at your doorstep to give you a well deserved round house kick;;; but after that she’ll be all fluffy and adorable again 🥺🥰

Ooooohhhh. This sounds adorable. I'm gonna do it as separate headcanons if that's alright with you? If you want me to write a full story on it just send another ask ^^

Cussing is censored in an attempt to get on Tumblr's good side.

Ranboo, Tubbo and Tommy with a Sweet but Scary F!Reader

Tommy

Honestly, he felt a constant need to protect you. Even if he didn't act like it.

In his eyes, you were still young and unaware of the dangers that comes with being a streamer. Let alone a Minecraft one.

He begged you to become a mod in your Twitch chat.

He joked that he was going to cause violence and chaos constantly, but in reality, he wanted to make sure there were no creeps going after you.

If there was, Tommy would either ban them or ask Father of Minecraft Philza to start crafting a belt for them.

When you mentioned that you won a lot of martial arts championships, he was taken off guard a bit, but also didn't seem to believe you.

"But you're so small... And you're... Small."

"That's poggers and all, but you don't seem like the kinda girl to... Be able to beat someone up."

"Your voice doesn't seem threatening in the least, (F/n)/(S/n)." (Streamer name)

Boy. He ate those words quick.

You were both streaming and had finished a lore bit for the SMP, and he heard you GO OFF on a creepy donation.

Because he was focused on his chat at the moment, he didn't have the time to carefully graze through your comments.

Tommy was left visibly reeling from the threats you gave for a solid few seconds before slowly leaning over and murmuring.

"Little (F/L) (first letter), You weren't muted... Also. Holy- I think you... Uh.. Un alived them! Twitch that's a joke. Please."

When you showed your trophies on stream (via face cam or picture), Tommy definitely began to believe you.

Lowkey bragged about it to his twitch chat later on.

"Yeah guys, she's actually really pog and strong. But she's short and young so I can easily beat her."

Feared for his life when people clipped that part of the stream and tagged you on Twitter with the video.

Tubbo

While Tubbo is protective, he's not as protective as Tommy is.

He does get mad at the creepy donos or comments that you would receive, but he believes you can handle it on your own.

Some days though, he will find himself getting worried enough to watch your stream and hyper focus on the chat. (Yes he's a mod as well.)

This man was in absolute awe when you showed off your trophies and ribbons to the chat.

"When you come and visit... Can you show me how to do those things- OH MY GOD CAN YOU DO A KICK FLIP?"

"Could you technically throw me over your head?"

"Have you ever broken anyone's bones?"

Mans is very curious and asked you a bunch of questions in rapid succession.

I mean he asked you everything.

"Ever karate kicked a man in the balls?"

"Tubbo!"

"WhAT?! It's a fair question!"

He was very confident in your ability to protect yourself in person, but he was still a bit weary of the twitch chat.

One day he went into the VC you were already in to ask if you wanted help with building something on the SMP.

He certainly did not expect to hear someone being verbally ripped apart then suddenly-

"Oh hello, Tubbo!"

"How did you go from threatening to rip a person's intestines out to saying hello in the sweetest voice ever?!"

"...Is there a Karate move where you rip someone's intestines out?"

Ranboo

If you thought Tommy was protective.

Oh boy. This man is easily twenty times worse. EASILY.

You both met when you were smaller streamers and since then, this man has been so protective over you.

People have even started nicknaming you Sisterboo because of his heavy protectiveness of you.

You have stated before that you did know martial arts, but that didn't stop him from trying to ward off the creeps.

"Did you just insult Sisterboo in MY presence?" While he was joking, the person who insulted you got heavily banned.

Chat clipped that and it went viral on twitter within an hour.

While you did think Ranboo was over reacting a tad bit, you were kinda glad.

Albeit you were still young, but you weren't stupid. You knew the internet was a dangerous place.

If you ever streamed, you could guarentee that Ranboo was always one of the first 20 people to show up and mod the chat.

Even if it was 4am his time! He purposely has it so the notification when you're live can go through his Do Not Disturb function on his phone.

One day, he was a little busy with finishing building something for Karl's Tales of the SMP, and missed the notification by about 20 minutes. He felt like the scum of the earth.

When he arrived, he already was typing an apology but he was quickly shut up by you telling off some creep.

"-I don't care what state, province or even country you live in, bud. I will hop onto a plane to come to your house and- Oh! Ranboo's here! Hello!"

This man WHEEZED for easily ten minutes

He literally got on call with you to congratulate you on telling the person off, although he kept cackling with laughter every ten seconds as he remembered what you said.

Did relax on his protectiveness a tiny bit but sometimes let a few of the (lesser mean) hate comments through just to hear you rip them a new one.

"Wait can you actually do that though? Is that a martial arts move?"

[melzula]

Could you write a Fire Lilies blurb about Princess! Reader and Zuko 's date night in their tale of Ba Sing Se?

a/n: you have no idea how excited I was when I got this request!!!

~ part of the fire lilies series ~

It’s a quiet day in Ba Sing Se as the Princess sweeps the floor of the tea shop and prepares for the morning rush of customers. She doesn’t get paid nearly as much as Zuko and Iroh due to only working part time, but she makes up for it by working in the dress shop across the street. It’s easy work and her employer is very kind so she can’t complain. Besides, this was the kind of simple life she had been longing for ever since her departure from home. The transition hadn’t been easy, especially not for Zuko, and she knew it would take some time to get used to, but now that they were in Ba Sing Se they had all the time in the world to settle down and finally begin a life together.

Across the way at the front counter Zuko watches y/n work silently, an unreadable expression on his face as he does so. He’s doing his best to at least try to make a life here despite how adamant he feels about the city being nothing but a prison, if not for him then for her, because she deserves it after all. It was something he had promised her long ago, and though their relationship had become worn and strained it was still there altogether, and the knots that had formed along the way were finally beginning to loosen now that they were here in Ba Sing Se.

“You know, it has been a very long time since the two of you last had the chance to be alone,” Iroh points out. “Perhaps the Princess would appreciate a romantic night out with her boyfriend.”

“There’s nothing to do here,” Zuko complains. “Where could we possibly go?”

“I’ve heard they have a beautiful fountain here,” Iroh suggests.

“I have to work.”

“Nonsense. I can cover your shift for you so that the two of you may go out together,” his Uncle offers, and before he has the chance to protest y/n approaches the counter with her dustpan and apron in hand.

“The shop is ready for customers,” she says with a small smile. “I should get going. Miss Tai asked me to open up the store today.”

“Of course. Zuko, is there anything you’d like to say to the Princess before she leaves?” Iroh asks, giving his nephew a gentle nudge to the ribs. Zuko scowls before clearing his throat and attempting a gentler approach to the question as you stand there expectantly.

“Would you like to go out on a date tonight?” He asks in a strained voice, obviously uncomfortable and out of his element. He’d never really had to ask her on a date before, she’d always just kind of been there, by his side and ready to spend time with him. Since when did a simple bowl of ramen together not count as a real date?

“I’d love to,” she giggles, obviously appreciative of his efforts, “you can pick me up from work.”

“He’s looking forward to it!” Iroh grins, and Zuko blushes with embarrassment at the delicate laughter that escapes y/n as she exits the shop and heads to work. Spirits, help him.

~~~

Zuko waits impatiently outside of Miss Tai’s shop, a permanent scowl on his lips and the urge to fuss with his hair stronger than anything he’s ever felt. He isn’t sure why he allowed his Uncle to do his hair or why he’s putting so much work into a date with his longtime girlfriend, but he knew Iroh had been right about the fact that it had been much too long since they’d last went out like this. But it wasn’t Zuko’s fault, at least not in his eyes, because he had been busy and couldn’t tend to y/n right away like she had hoped he would. The pair had been so close together yet so far apart in his years of hunting the Avatar, and when it was quiet enough his thoughts were often loud with doubt over whether or not she still loved him as much, if at all, as she did when they’d last met in their secret tunnel.

A muffled giggle is what catches his attention, y/n’s hand held over her mouth as she tries to stifle her laughter for Zuko’s sake. He wants to complain but the words die in his throat at the sight of her. Dressed in Miss Tai’s finest silk dress, the Princess looks absolutely radiant and quite literally takes Zuko’s breath away.

“Do you like it?” She muses with a sweet smile. “Miss Tai let me borrow it for our date.”

“You look... really pretty,” he finally says with a small smile of his own.

“And you look absolutely adorable!” y/n squeals, prompting Zuko’s smile to immediately morph into a scowl. She gives his cheeks a light pinch and laughs when he gently swats her hand away. “You should do your hair like that more often.”

“It took Uncle ten minutes to do my hair,” Zuko sulks as the Princess finally puts him out of his misery and ruffles the awful hairdo away.

“I’ll have to thank him when we get back,” she giggles before taking his hand and dragging him off to venture out into the city. “So what should we do?”

“I don’t know,” Zuko grumbles. “This city is nothing but dirt, I don’t know how I can possibly enjoy it.”

“Well you can’t enjoy it with an attitude like that,” the Princess argues. “There’s a cake stand over there. You like cake, don’t you?”

“I’m not in the mood for cake.”

“Then what are you in the mood for?”

“Nothing,” he grumbles, and the Princess’s once cheerful demeanor dwindles into one of disappointment. He doesn’t want to be here, she knows that better than anybody, but she had hoped that maybe by going out together he’d at least warm up to the idea of living in the city. Y/n loved Zuko more than anything in the world, but she was starting to doubt whether or not he still felt the same way about her. Their flame was beginning to dwindle and though she was desperate to keep the fire going it seemed that wouldn’t be possible without his help.

“Maybe you should just go home,” she offers quietly, releasing his hand and turning her back towards him in order to hide her growing tears. “That way you won’t have to be here when you don’t want to, a-and I can just explore the city by myself.”

Guilt weighs heavily upon Zuko’s shoulders at the sound of her trembling voice as he yet again manages to disappoint her. He wants to apologize but the words are stuck in his throat, so instead he lets out a small, awkward cough before coming up and gently resting a hand on her shoulder.

“That fortune teller booth looks kind of fun,” he suggests, and when she gives him a pointed look he says, “I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Okay,” y/n sniffles quietly, a weak smile present upon her features as Zuko intertwines his fingers with her own and guides her towards the booth. He doesn’t miss the manor in which she tightly holds his hand, almost as if she’s afraid she’ll lose him if he lets her go, and it urges the Prince to increase his pace as he guides her towards their destination.

“Yes, step right up, lovebirds!” The eccentrically dressed man encourages, immediately taking the Princess’s hand and yanking her forward to read her palm. Zuko bites back the threat that rises up his throat, and y/n watches with childlike excitement as the fortune teller scans the grooves and lines of her hand. “Ah, this is very interesting.”

“What is it?”

“I see that you’ve lived a very happy life, though it hasn’t been easy as of late. The love you have in your heart is strong, but this love will be put to the test when the time comes.”

“Sounds like a bunch of nonsense,” Zuko mumbles only to earn a glare from the Princess in return. Put to the test? Hadn’t they already been through the hardest parts of their relationship already? What else could possibly make things worse?

“You will live a content and comfortable life and die a peaceful death. Oh, and you’ll most definitely be having twins!”

“Twins!” Y/n repeats delightedly, but all color drains from Zuko’s face at the idea and suddenly he feels very lightheaded.

“Okay, thank you, that’s enough,” he finally interjects, making sure to pay the man before dragging you off to your next destination.

“We’re going to have twins!” The Princess squeal delightedly.

“How do you know he’s not just some crazy old man?” Zuko retorts.

“He could be,” she admits with a shrug, “but it’s nice to have something to hope for even if it isn’t real.”

He says nothing in response to her wishful thinking, but he must admit that he does enjoy the idea of settling down with the Princess, starting their own family, creating a new legacy. Maybe staying in one place wouldn’t be so bad after all.

After a few minutes of aimless walking the two stumble upon the famous fountain of Ba Sing Se, though it doesn’t look like much to either of them due to the fact that the lanterns aren’t lit.

“This is the fountain everyone always talks about?” The Princess retorts with obvious disappointment. “I thought it would be prettier.”

“Hold on,” Zuko says, and before y/n can question him the Prince begins to use his bending to light the lanterns around the fountain. It’s dangerous and absolutely foolish to use his bending out in the open like that, but he’d rather be thrown in jail by the Dai Lee than have his Princess be upset. Her eyes sparkle with complete and utter awe at the sight of his fire bending, recognizing the flow of his movements and admiring the beauty of the flames that dance among the lanterns.

Now lit in all of its glory, the two stand side by side and admire the shimmering water that flows from the fountain. Zuko wraps an arm around the Princess’s waist, and she happily rests her head upon his shoulder once she’s safely nestled into his side.

“Thank you for taking me out tonight,” she murmurs quietly. “I’ve missed spending time with you like this.”

“Me too... I know I’ve been difficult with the transition into our new life here, and it’s going to take some time for me to get used to. But I also know that this should have happened a long time ago, and I’m sorry it took me this long to fulfill my promise to you.”

“I don’t care about how long it took us to get here,” y/n replies earnestly. “All that matters is that we’re finally together in Ba Sing Se just like we planned all those years ago. We can be happy now, but only if you allow yourself the chance to enjoy it.”

“I want to,” Zuko utters, turning to face her and gently cupping her cheek with his hand, “and I know with your help I can.”

The Princess smiles faintly at his proclamation, and when he leans down to kiss her she meets him halfway to seal their lips together in a tender kiss. It isn’t very long or very passionate, Zuko still not used to the idea of public displays of affection due to the fact that he’d refrained from act during his time on the ship with the crew, but it’s special and beautiful all the same.

Ba Sing Se is the start of a new beginning for the a coupe, a second chance at happiness and a place where they can start over. It won’t be easy, and the transition won’t happen over night, but at the two kiss underneath the ember glow of the fountain’s lanterns, the Princess knows that they’re finally going to get their chance at happiness, and so she savors the feeling for all it’s worth.

Because the spirits know it won’t last for very long.

| tags: @rainteslerrrr @oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak @thebluelcdy @royahllty @the-firebender-girl @coldlilheart @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @knaite-solo @zukh03s @titaniafire @dekahg @emberislandplayers @kikaninchen-2 @lozzybowe @izzieserra @melacholy @music-geek19 @thia-aep @thyunnamed @haylaansmi @nataliahaslosthershit @idkdude776 @aangsupremacy @thirstyforsometea @ihaveaproblem98 @brown-eyed-thang @djskfkdkkf @xapham @yeetletzgetitjae @misnmatchedsox |

[etoileholland]

I will make it up to you

@secretmongereaglegiant asked: Hey, I love reading all your Tom Holland imagines! Could you do one of the boys and Tom’s girlfriend y/n are stuck in quarantine but y/n and Harrison haven’t been getting along and it worries Tom.

Pairing: Tom x female reader

Warnings: angst, a sprinkling of bad words, fluff at the end.

Word count: 4.3k

A/N: My first request! Thank you so much for requesting this! I elaborated on it slightly, but I hope that you enjoy it and that I did it justice. As always, requests are open! And let me know if you want to be added to the tag list 💛

(the gif is not mine, all credit goes to its respective owner)

Although being quarantined wasn’t the best, it did have its perks. You were spending more time with Tom than you had in a long time, and it was nice to be able to catch up on movies and TV shows that you didn’t have time to watch earlier. You were also becoming closer with the boys, and they were becoming more like your little brothers than they were friends.

Except for one.

Even from the beginning, you and Harrison butted heads. You were cut from the same cloth, and it only became more amplified when you were stuck in the same home. It could also be attributed to the fact that it’s already been two months of quarantine, and everyone was starting to become stir crazy.

The squabbles started off small, but as time went on, they became worse.

“I can’t stand you, do you know that?” You scoffed as Harrison stood in the kitchen.

“Back at you princess, I can’t believe we’re stuck in the same home, it’s unbearable.”

“Well it wouldn’t be so unbearable if you actually washed the dishes or took out the trash, or I don’t know, stopped blasting music at 2am when everyone is trying to sleep!”

“I didn’t realise me playing music interrupted your 23 hour beauty sleep. You should shoot for 24 hours instead.” He smirked, and you felt as though you could strangle him.

You stood there for a moment, bringing your hands up in the air, before letting out a sigh.

“Okay I’m going to be the better person here and walk away. You can have the last word.” You made your way out of the kitchen calmly, and were met with Tom standing in the hallway.

“Whoa baby what happened? Why were you two fighting?” He asked as he pulled you into an embrace.

“He just doesn’t do anything useful, you know? I have no idea how you’ve been friends with him for this long.” You spoke against his chest, and he rubbed your back. He paused for a minute and didn’t say anything.

Seeing you two argue broke Tom’s heart, and he realised in that moment that this could be a bigger problem than he originally thought.

“He’s not so bad, darling. You could try to play nice with him for a change.” You scoffed, and Tom just laughed.

“Well he started it!” You whined like a child, and Tom just pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Doesn’t matter. Anyway, wanna go for a walk with me and Tessa?” He asked and you nodded, grabbing your coat.

—

The next week wasn’t much better. Another argument started when Tom suggested that everyone should watch ‘Knifes Out’ together.

“I don’t want to watch a film with her.” Harrison emphasized, “she talks way too much and gets excited and then you have to rewind it to hear what the actors said. It gets annoying after a while.” He huffed as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Yeah well at least I’m not a stoic statue of a person who has no emotions whatsoever.” You retorted, and Tom only sighed.

You got up from Tom’s lap and stood up. “I don’t even want to watch the movie, I’m gonna go upstairs and take a bath instead.” You said as Harrison just smiled.

“Thank god, I can’t stand her sometimes.” He tossed a piece of popcorn into his mouth as he pushed play on the film. Tom shot him a glance, and Harrison just shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not my fault you decided to date Y/N, or should I say, the devil in disguise.”

—

A few days later when Tom wanted to exercise with Harrison, you became really clingy with him and insisted that he cuddled with you instead.

“But baby I have to work out, you don’t want me getting all soft and flabby do you?” Tom asked as you placed kisses all along his jaw.

“But I want to cuddle.” You whined as you kissed Tom down his neck. He moaned as he pulled you closer into his lap so that your chest was flush against his. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you just wanted him all to yourself. Also, you were doing it out of spite for Harrison.

“Fine darling you win, I’ll cuddle with you.” You let out a small squeal as you placed a kiss on his lips, before nuzzling your face into his neck.

A few minutes later Harrison knocked on yours and Tom’s bedroom door to see what was taking him so long. He opened the door to see you and Tom cuddling, and he gave Harrison a sympathetic glance.

“Sorry mate, Y/N wants to cuddle right now but I promise I’ll workout with you tomorrow. Isn’t that right angel, you’ll let me workout tomorrow?” He cooed as you nodded your head. Just then, you looked up grinning at Harrison, shooting him a look as if to say “I won.”

Harrison huffed as he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

—

Tom felt really torn when hanging out with the both of you. You were his girlfriend and Harrison was his best friend, but you two didn’t get along well at all. It pained him to see that you two couldn’t stand each other for more than five minutes. And he felt guilty when he would spend more time with you than Harrison, and vice versa. It never seemed that he could please you both, but he was determined to make it work.

He was worried that the worst was yet to come, but he didn’t anticipate how quickly it would come.

—

As promised, Tom went to workout with Harrison the next day, but you weren’t keen on the idea of not spending time with Tom.

“C’mon Haz, am I not allowed to watch my strong boyfriend work out?” You cooed as you squeezed Tom’s bicep.

“You can, maybe you can even help with my workout, darling.” Tom said as you clapped. Harrison was glaring at you, and you shot him an innocent look back.

“You don’t even need her help! What is she gonna do, help you lift weights or something?” He threw his hands up, already exasperated.

“I don’t know, she can be here for support, isn’t that right angel?” Tom asked as you kissed his shoulder.

“Exactly.” You grinned as Harrison snarled at you.

You were always lurking around, practically hanging off of Tom, and it infuriated Harrison. He just wanted to spend some time with his mate but you were always vying for Tom’s attention as well.

And one day, Harrison set you off completely, and it was almost irreconcilable.

—

“You fucking idiot! I wish I could just go back home and not look at your god awful face every morning!” You chucked his phone at his face, and he barely dodged it. It smacked against the wall, leaving a dent, but his phone was in perfect condition.

Harrison picked up his phone and inspected it before stuffing it in his pocket. “Good thing I have an Samsung, there’s not one crack in it.” He smirked and let out a small laugh. “Unlike your iPhone that fell off the table and shattered into a million pieces.”

“My phone didn’t ‘fall off the table’-” you gestured, making air quotes with your hands, “it was shoved off the table by a certain someone who thought it would be funny to see how durable my case was. It fell outside on the concrete, of course it would fucking break!” You let out a laugh as you became more furious.

“Well then, you should’ve had a better case.” Harrison smirked. He was having far too much fun annoying you, and he began to laugh when he saw how visibly angry you were becoming.

“I swear I could murder you right now.” You sneered, and Harrison only laughed. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re just a conceited asshole, who’s so vain that you have to have constant validation from literal strangers on the internet to make yourself feel better?” You took a deep breath, pausing before you continued. “But the truth is, if the fans actually knew you like I do, they would be repulsed by how unbearable you truly are.” You crossed your arms as Harrison’s smirk dropped and was replaced with a clenched jaw.

You two stood there in silence, and you were starting to become slightly afraid of the man standing in front of you. Sure he was only a bit taller than you, but the look in his eyes screamed ‘revenge’.

“You know what, Y/N? I literally have had enough of your shit as well. Tom thinks that you are a literal angel, but the truth is that you are the most high maintenance, manipulative and complainy bitch in the world. Trust me, I can see why fans are constantly sending you hate and saying that you don’t deserve Tom, because it’s true. You’re just vile.” He emphasized the last word, and he froze as he saw Tom standing there, jaw clenched.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two?” You looked over and saw Tom holding in tears. “Listen, I love you both equally. Harrison, you’re like my brother, and Y/N, I’m madly in love with you. But right now I can’t stand either one of you. The two people I love more than anything in the world can’t get along, and god it breaks my heart.” He sniffled as he wiped away a tear. You took a step towards him but he took a step back.

“I’m pissed off, and I don’t want to do something, or say something that I know I’ll regret. So until you two can get along, I want the both of you to leave me alone. Y/N you can sleep on the couch tonight.” He said coldly as he took another step back.

“Tom.” You pleaded, but he held a finger up.

“I am this close-” he held up two fingers and pinched them together, “to breaking up with you. Don’t say one more word. And you-” he pointed to Harrison, “are getting on my nerves so much that I’m tempted to pack your things and kick you out. I don’t care that there’s a plague going on, I am so furious that I would kick you out in a heartbeat. Why the fuck can’t you two get along?” He stormed out of the room and went into his bedroom, slamming the door shut.

You and Harrison stood there in silence, shocked at what just happened. After a minute, Harrison spoke.

“Shit, we’ve really fucked up now. He never gets this mad at people, and when he does, that means he’s at the end of his rope.” Harrison muttered as you began to cry. “Even if we can’t stand each other, we have a mutual love for Tom. And right now, he’s ready to get rid of the both of us if we continue to argue.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Half the time, our arguing is pointless anyway. How did this even start?” You wiped a tear away from your cheek and Harrison just shrugged.

“Honestly, I have no clue. I think it may be because we’re kinda similar in a lot of ways.”

“Maybe, we’re both slightly passive aggressive.”

“And we’re both competitive.” Harrison replied

“And we’re always vying for Tom’s attention. Does that make us jealous?” You asked, and Harrison nodded.

“I’ve always been jealous, it’s a bad habit of mine.”

“Me too.” You replied as you took a seat at the kitchen island. Harrison pulled a beer out of the fridge. He proceeded to open it and leaned against the counter, taking a long drink.

“You know, maybe we could put our differences aside for Tom. We’re both very important people in his life, and why would we toss all that aside just because we’re arguing? You asked as you massaged your temples. “Can you grab a beer for me please?”

“Since when do you drink? You’re always nagging us to stop drinking because it’s bad for our health.” Harrison replied.

“Yeah well I think the situation calls for it, now gimme.” You made grabby hands as he walked over and handed you the drink. You took a sip and grimaced. “God this stuff is terrible! How can you even drink this?” You scrunched your nose up as you slid the drink over. “I need a chaser, asap.”

Harrison laughed as he reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Coca Cola for you. He popped the lid off and set it down in front of you.

“Thank you.” You took a sip and smacked your lips together. “Now this is better.” You both laughed, and for the first time in a while, you were actually enjoying his company.

“I have an idea.” You stated, which caused Harrison to look up at you. He raised his eyebrow as took another sip of his beer, finishing it before reaching for yours.

“Oh no, what is it?” He asked as you grinned.

“Why don’t we do something really nice for Tom so that he can see that we work together well, and so he’ll forgive us really quickly because I already miss him.”

“Okay, let’s show Tom that we can be friendly so that he won’t kick us out of here!” Harrison walked over and you two high fived.

“So what’s the plan?” You asked as you took another sip of your soda. Harrison pulled up the chair next to you and sat down, contemplating on what to do next.

“I don’t know, maybe we can make him a cake that says ‘sorry for being ass-hats’.” He laughed as you sat there thinking about it.

“Let’s do it.” You clapped your hands together and stood up from the chair.

“You can’t be serious, really?” Harrison asked as you began to rummage around the cupboard for baking ingredients.

“Why not? What have we got to lose? And besides, it would show that we can put our disdain aside and collaborate on something. Can you grab the sugar for me please? I’m too short to reach it.”

Harrison laughed as he walked over and grabbed the bag of sugar for you. “Okay if I remember correctly, Tom loves chocolate cake. Or was it red velvet cake that he likes? Hm I’m not sure, anyway let’s make him whatever kind of cake that we can, with the ingredients we have lying around.” You nodded as you grabbed the well loved cookbook from the counter and flipped through it.

“What do we have in the cupboards? Can you please check love?” You asked Harrison as he let out a small laugh.

“Oh now we’re calling each other pet names? Look at us being amicable, princess.” He added as you let out a laugh.

After a few minutes of searching, you realised you had nothing good to throw into a cake.

“Well, so much for that.” Harrison tossed his apron on the counter, but you had an idea.

“We have an egg, graham crackers and some chocolate, right?” You asked and Harrison nodded.

“Good, I can make a French Silk pie real quick. it’s almost so good that it might make Tom forget how much he’s mad at us.”

And the pie was almost that good. Harrison even surprised the household by preparing dinner. He had made tortellini and garlic bread for everyone, and you had helped with dessert.

“Wow, what happened? And why are you two not killing each other?” Sam asked as he hesitantly took a seat at the table. Harry soon followed as he let out a gasp. “You didn’t kill Tom, did you? Is that why we haven’t seen him all day?” He asked as you and Harrison both shook your head no.

“Well, you see, Tom is mad at the both of us because we can’t get along.”

“He’s ready to break up with Y/N and kick me out of the house.” Harrison added.

“That is true, he did say that. But we’re hoping that he’ll forgive us, and see that Harrison and I are now friends.” He looked at you and nodded, and Sam and Harry just sat there in silence.

“Right, well good luck with that. I don’t think he can be won over that easy.” Sam added as Harry nodded.

Tuwaine came in and took a seat at the table as well. “Oh yeah I heard your argument, it was rough.” He said as he took a bite of the garlic bread. “Damn that’s good.” He said as he took another bite.

Tom came down from his room and stormed past you both so he could grab a glass of water. His face was puffy, and his eyes were swollen and red. You could tell that he had been crying, and it broke your heart that you couldn’t console him. You were the reason he was crying.

“Hey, um Harrison and I cooked for you. We made tortellini, garlic bread, and pie for dessert.” You spoke quietly, as if not to anger him anymore.

“That’s true, we make a good team.” Harrison added as he put his arm around you. Tom stood there expressionless, and just nodded.

“Cool, thanks.” He grabbed a plate and dished himself up. He stormed past you again, making his way back into his room and locking the door. Harry, Sam and Tuwaine all looked at you, pausing, before continuing to eat their dinner.

“Sam, I think you may be right. He’s gonna he mad at us for a long time.”

—

Later that night, after you and Harrison washed the dishes, you tried to get into Tom’s room. You remembered that he said you could sleep on the couch tonight, but you didn’t really think he meant it.

“Tommy, it’s late. Can you open the door so I can go to bed?” You asked through the door, and you heard some shuffling inside the room. Tom cracked the door open and threw some clothes at you, and swiftly closed and locked the door. “I meant it when I said you would be sleeping on the couch tonight.” He replied coldly.

You began to cry as you realised the extent of the situation, and how he was showing no sign of changing his mind. You picked up the clothes and made your way into the living room. It was nearly midnight and everyone else was in their rooms, so you got changed in the living room and crawled onto the couch. You sobbed loudly, letting out little hiccups as you cried some more. A few minutes later Harrison came out of his bedroom, pillow and blanket in hand.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up with my crying.” You sobbed as you rubbed your eyes.

“You didn’t, I mean I could hear you, but that’s not why I came in here. I wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for Tom to be so mad at you, and I didn’t think he was really willing to break up with you over our feud.” He handed you the blanket and pillow, and you set them on the couch. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier, I think I was just mad that you were always wanting to spend time with him. You do make him really happy though, when you’re not around he constantly gushes about you.” He looked down and you motioned for him to sit next to you on the couch.

“I’m sorry too, I also didn’t mean anything I said earlier. I think I was just jealous of you spending time with him; it felt like you were taking him away from me. And it’s been hard since I can’t go back home, you know. It’s hard not being around family, and I forget that Tom and the boys are your family. I guess I haven’t really handled this whole situation well, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” You sniffed. Harrison handed you the tissue box and you smiled.

“I’m sorry Y/N for being a jerk.”

“And I’m sorry for being a bitch.” You added.

“You’re not, you’re really good for him.”

“You too.”

You scooted closer to Harrison and put your head on his shoulder. He stroked your hair and placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“Friends?” He asked as he extended his hand out.

“Friends.” You said as you shook his hand, signifying that your feud was over.

“Would you want to watch a movie?” Harrison asked as you moved your head so that you could look at him.

“I thought you hated watching movies with me. I talk too much and get too excited.” You said as he frowned.

“I didn’t mean that either, you’re just really passionate about things and I envy that about you.” He added and you grabbed his hand. You gave it a little squeeze before letting go.

“And I envy that you’re not dramatic.” You let out a laugh, and Harrison joined in. He positioned himself so that he was laying on the couch, and his head was on your lap. You were stroking his head and playing with his hair.

“How about you pick the movie, princess.” He whispered as you grabbed the remote.

“Is Tangled okay, love?” You whispered back and he only nodded.

“Of course.”

A few minutes into the film, you both were starting to get sleepy. You crawled next to him so that you were both laying on the couch next to each other. He put his arm around your waist, and you covered both you and him with the blanket. Before you knew it, you were both sound asleep.

Tom woke up at 3am, and nearly had a panic attack when he realised you weren’t sleeping next to him.

Oh that’s right, I’m mad at my girlfriend and best friend. He thought to himself. His head was pounding from all the crying, and he knew that he was dehydrated. Slowly, he got up, holding a hand to his forehead as he went to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

He walked past the living room, but stopped in his tracks when he saw you and Harrison curled up next to each other on the couch. You two looked peaceful, and Harrison’s lips were curled into a little smile.

He let out a small smile, and a tear escaped his eye. This was the first time that you two had gotten along, and the sight of it made him cry. He tried to contain his crying but he couldn’t, the tears were steaming down his face. He let out a small sob, and he tried his best to not wake you.

You had woken up to see Tom standing there, sobbing. You looked over at Harrison, who was also stirring.

“Oh shit.” You said under your breath. Harrison immediately untangled himself from you as you both sat up. You were expecting Tom to be mad and accuse you of cheating, but instead he only shook his head.

“So, you two really do get along now.” He said as he wiped a tear away. You handed him a tissue and he took it, blowing his nose before tossing it in the garbage.

“Yeah, Y/N and I are friends now. We pushed our differences aside and realised that the other person isn’t so bad.” You both looked at each other and smiled, and looked back at Tom.

“Tommy I’m sorry for being terrible and for not getting along with Harrison.”

“I’m sorry for not getting along with Y/N, she’s lovely and I’m happy she’s your girlfriend.”

“I’m happy he’s your best friend.” You added as Harrison kissed you on the top of the head.

“And I’m sorry for threatening to break up with you, and also saying that I would kick you out. I didn’t mean it at all, and I’m sorry.” Tom let out a hiccup as he wiped a tear away. “Do you forgive me?” He whispered as you all nodded. Tom held out his arms as you and Harrison both went to give him a hug. After a minute and some more crying, you all pulled away. Tom then grabbed onto your waist and pulled you into a long kiss.

“I love you Y/N, so much. I can’t spend any more time without you.” He sobbed as you put your arms around his neck and pressed your lips to his.

“Will you sleep with me, please? I miss you.” He whispered and you replied “Of course.” He picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso.

“Harrison, I love you mate.” Tom said, still carrying you as you placed kisses along his jaw.

“I love you too mate, now go get some sleep.” He replied as Tom led you into his bedroom.

—

After this, you and Harrison were nearly inseparable.

“Okay so I was thinking, you could join me on my jog today and then you could teach me some yoga.” Harrison stated as you were all having breakfast. You took a sip of your coffee and nodded. You two were sitting next to each other, with your shoulders touching.

“And after that, we can watch Fleabag together.” You added as he nodded excitedly.

“Oh! We can’t forget about working on that puzzle.”

“And you still have to buy me a new phone, you did shatter mine.” You added as you both laughed.

“With a better case, of course.” He said as you lightly elbowed him in the side.

“Oh, definitely.” You laughed, as Harrison looked over at you and grinned.

Tom sat across from you both as you made plans for the whole day, and a smile crept onto his face.

“Can I join in?” He asked as you and Harrison both glanced at him.

“Hmm, nope, sorry mate. She’s all mine now.” Harrison said, leaning his head on your shoulder as Tom pouted.

“Something tells me I’m going to be the third wheel from now on.” Tom remarked as everyone at the table broke out in laughter.

——

Mes petits anges (taglist): @starkissedholland @scarletxwidow @fangirlwithasweettooth

[yourmcu]

Wish You Were Here (i)

Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader, Avengers x Stark!reader

Summary:

an Infinity War/Endgame AU where Tony Stark’s daughter (you) is one of half the population that vanishes in the snap, Tony finds out later on when he arrives back to Earth, devastated, then you come back like the others to help fight Thanos.

Word count: 2,030

A/n: (moved to the end of the fic!)

Warnings: angst, death, swearing, a lil soft!Nat in the beginning bc I love her, mentions of anxiety/anxiety

read on ao3!

Part 2

gif not mine! credits to the owner^^

You wanted to help in whatever was happening, you weren’t quite sure still, but it had something to do with the infinity stones and how you guys needed to find them before some guy named Thanos does.

It took a lot of convincing for Steve, Natasha and Rhodey (they were the ones more protective over you) to let you come, especially with Tony not around to scold you since he was in space.

“I’m coming with you guys whether you like it or not - no, I know what you’re gonna say, I can handle myself. I’m sixteen! Did you know Peter’s in space right now with Dad? Outer freaking space. You’re not the only one who has a suit, Rhodey-”

The argument ended with, “if something happens and I-” you dragged your thumb across your neck, “then it’s on me. None of you are to blame. Can we go now?”

So they didn’t have any other choice. You went to Wakanda with them to get the mind stone out of Vision and intend to destroy it afterwards.

Things got a *bit* out of hand though, there was an army of creatures - they’re from space, you assumed, working for Thanos - trying to get the stone. You fought alongside Sam and Rhodey, sometimes even fighting with Bruce who was using the Hulkbuster. You also helped the Wakanda tribes when they got overpowered by the creatures.

Even Thor came back to fight and he brought a raccoon and a tree with him.

The battle was going really messy, until - “Everyone on my position. We got incoming.”

You fly to where Cap and the team are, and there he is coming out of what appears to be a cloudy, blue grayish portal, Thanos himself.

“Cap, that’s him.” Bruce says as he hides you behind the Hulkbuster to shield you. He slowly walks over to the purple titan before saying, “stay down, [Y/N], alright?”

Did all of them suddenly forget that you, if not more, are stubborn like your father?

Because when all of them attack, you fly behind Thanos when he's distracted and wrap both your metal covered arms around his neck in stupid attempts to strangle him. He effortlessly uses his gauntlet to throw you back to the ground, knocking you out.

He eventually got all the stones, snapped his fingers when Thor failed to kill him, and left.

“What did you do?!”

“Where did he go? Thor, where did he go?”

“What’s happening?” You get off the ground as Bucky turns to dust. You look around and saw the air filled with the same dust, just from different people.

What the hell did that snap do?

People are vanishing, disappearing, are they dying? Why are they dying? You’re pretty sure you're panicking. Your lips start to quiver and you feel your chest tighten, making it hard for you to breathe.

Natasha notices right away. She's the one who could help you with your anxiety attacks besides Tony. She comes to you and places her hands on your shoulders, looking you in the eye. “Hey, it’s going to be okay, you’re fine, just breathe with me,”

You watch Wanda, one of  your best friends, turn to dust too which did not help in the slightest. What’s worse is when Natasha holds your hands to calm you down,

They start turning into dust particles.

“No no no no no no,” you grow weak, holding onto her. “Nat, I’m scared - I don’t - I don’t know what to-”

“Y/N, just breathe like we practiced, okay?”

You try copying her breathing but it’s no use. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still fading away. You look at her, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes, “I’m so sorry.” She has no choice but to hug you tightly until you get dusted completely.

The Avengers just lost a kid. Not just any kid, for them you were special. You always supported the team no matter what. They couldn’t even imagine what Tony’s reaction would be.

When Natasha told Pepper of course she didn’t take it well.

You were Tony’s own flesh and blood (and some one night stand chic that we won’t mention anymore starting now), but Pepper helped raised you when Tony first took you in and treated you like her own. Sometimes you even called her ‘mom’.

She was so relieved when a spaceship came by the compound to drop Tony off - he looked weak and skinny - she didn’t know how to break the awful news to him while he was in that condition.

“I lost the kid,” he meant Peter. What he doesn’t know was that he actually lost two.

“It’s been twenty-three days since Thanos came to Earth.”

Bruce and Natasha keep looking over one another as images of the people they lost in the snap took turns popping up as holograms. Rhodey feels tense and keeps tapping his foot - nervous of what his best friend’s gonna do once he sees-

Tony abruptly stands up from his wheelchair. “Stop. Stop there.” (“Tony, you need to sit down,”) “No.” He stumbles over to a particular hologram, the one with his daughter’s face.

Y/N Stark.

The room is awfully quiet. Despite you telling them that it isn’t going to be any of their faults if something happens to you, they still feel responsible for you.

“Was anyone going to tell me?” He speaks softly. Too soft and calm for all of them that they remain glued to where they're standing, avoiding eye contact. He clenches his fists and sends a look to  everyone in the room. “You better not be shitting me I already lost Parker and I - I can’t - I can’t lose her. I can’t.”

“Tony,” Natasha says. “We couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

It's like being stabbed with his own blade all over again. She tells him everything that happened, how you got dusted like Peter, and Tony just stares blankly at your photo, looking very pale.

Tony takes a deep breath and pushes his glasses further up his nose, holding in  tears. Good thing his glasses cover it up. He mutters ‘okay’ over and over as he takes a seat back in his wheelchair. Steve hesitates to continue the discussion but Tony encourages him to go on, even though he feels like he was literally dying inside.

His mood definitely went downhill from there - Tony's furious with himself. Furious with them, with Steve, that he takes it out on the super soldier. By the end of it he's on the floor, passed out.

“Dad, come in, it’s [Y/N]. Everything alright out there?”

“Oh y’know, typical day in the city - pair of aliens came to visit again.” Tony sounded breathless.

You paused briefly. “...what? W-well, do you need help? I can help, and Peter’s probably on his way there - he just made a lame excuse and hung up on me so, I figured he sensed something was wrong.”

“Yeah. Stay where you are and when things get worse, find Pepper and get to safety.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Nope. Deadass serious. Stay out of this one.”

Tony opens his eyes and takes in his surroundings. He's transferred to a bed with the same wires poking his arm. He dreamt of his last conversation with you - before and while he was dragged to space.

“Hey, I’m still here, you know,” you cut him off while he was arguing with Strange.

“[Y/N]? How is this still connected?”

“I made the earpiece set myself - I guess it has really long range, huh?”

“You’re a nerd.” Tony cracked a small smile.

“Hi [Y/N]!” Peter shouted from a distance.

“Peter? You’re in space too? I’m so jeal-”

The line completely went out, guess the range wasn’t that long.

“Tony?” Pepper says gently. “You shouldn’t be up - it’s only been an hour since you passed out.”

He looks at her for a moment then returns his attention to the wall, eyes bloodshot. “Have I been a good father to her? ‘Cause I feel like she deserved more. Way more.”

“Of course, she loved you! Tony, [Y/N] loved you as much as you love her,” Pepper reassures, running a hand through his hair. “I know you’re upset but you really should be getting bed rest right now.”

He sniffles and gave a small nod, “okay.”

He closes his eyes again when she left the room and sigh, mumbling “goddammit kid,” before letting the tears flow down. Tony rarely cries. Barely cries. He usually keeps those stupid emotions in but this - the fact that his little girl is gone, it's too much for him. He realized never fully showed how much you meant to him and he regrets it.

Can't help but think that it should've been me Either way, I still wish you were here.

Fast forward to five years later: Tony now lived at a lakeside cabin with Pepper and their daughter, Morgan.

Moving on was better than to be sad and depressed for the rest of his life. That’s what you wanted for him anyway, to be happy.

So that’s exactly what Tony did.

He spent time with his family, made new suits which he enjoyed to do, living his life peacefully. That doesn’t mean he forgot about you. Sure the last few years were hard, he missed you every single day, but he had to face and accept it.

Tony moved your stuff from the compound and into a vacant room in the cabin. Sometimes he’d look through your crazy inventions, your journals that were filled with ideas for future gadgets and he hung up framed photos of you and him (some with Pepper) on the walls.

He told Morgan all about you. How awesome you were, how you were energetic and enthusiastic in everything you do, and how the both of you would be best friends if you two met.

“I wanna meet her,” Morgan says, looking at pictures of you.

Tony smiles sadly and looks at the photo of you and him. It was at your school’s science fair and your invention won first place (he remembered laughing at all the science teachers’ shocked faces because of your advanced gadget, way advanced than the grade you were in). Both of you looked really happy.

If a picture is all that I have, I can picture the times that we won't get back If I picture it now it don't seem so bad Either way, I still wish you were here.

“Someday, maybe.” He replies, giving her a warm smile.

Steve, Natasha and a new guy Scott visited him one day. They basically told him bringing back everyone who died in the snap was possible, hinting time travel.

Tony was torn. He didn’t want to risk losing what he had now, but bringing everyone back... that was something. Everyone in the universe that vanished, the other Avengers, the guardians he met in space, Strange, Peter, you.

That same night he thought about you, and Peter when he stumbled upon a picture of both of them. That same night, he figured out time travel.

“Hey legacy,” he chuckles a bit, remembering how you always frowned or pouted whenever he called you that. He likes that nickname on you though. “I... uh, this is just a little video. For you. Sure you won’t see this but... I like to pretend I could still talk to you. I miss you, a lot.”

“It’s been five years, hun. Morgan, your sister... you have no idea how much she talks about you. She wants to meet you someday,” he looks at the camera. “I know I can’t tell her the real reason why you’re not here with us, not yet, but anyway, ‘couple of old pals came to visit me. They want to try to get everyone back, that includes you.”

Tony sighs, looking away. “As of now I don’t know if we’re ever gonna pull off something like this. I figured it out, just a couple minutes ago actually. Time travel. It’s dangerous, very risky...”

“But we’ll see. We’ll figure something out. I hope to see you soon, [Y/N]. I love you.”

----

so I’ve cut this lil idea into two parts - I’ll probs post part 2 soon right after this one - if everyone likes it of course :)

oh, and I listened to this song by Neck Deep while writing this, which is where I got the title too, you can listen here. (I also put in some lyrics from the song to the story, just because it fits well hehe)

[hockeyboysiguess]

Let’s Fall in Love for the Night

a/n: i listened to this song (let’s fall in love for the night by FINNEAS) and immediately got hit with matty vibes. enjoy! let me know if you wanna see more tkachuk writing!

Let’s fall in love for the night

And forget in the morning

Play me a song you like

You bet I’ll know every line

I’m the boy your boy hoped you’d avoid

Don’t waste your time on jealous guys, fuck that noise

I know better than to call you mine

You slammed the shot glass down on the bar, your face scrunching up as the tequila burned down your throat. You shook your head as the liquid settled in your stomach and then let out a sigh.

“I think I need another one,” you shouted over the music to your friend Jess.

“Whatever you need, babes,” she said, already leaning across the bar to wave down the bartender. “I know you just asked for space, but you need to dump his ass now.”

“I know what you think. You’ve been telling me every fifteen minutes,” you threw back at her, “but it’s not that easy. We’ve been together forever and I don’t really know what my life looks like without him anymore.”

“You get to hang out with me more,” she sang at you as two more shots appeared in front of you. “The biggest thing, babes, is that you deserve better than him on literally every level.”

You took the shot, knowing she was about to continue her rant of trashing your long-time boyfriend that she’d started five minutes before you’d even arrived at her house to pregame together.

“You are smarter than him. You are hotter than him, like look at you!” She gestured to your body and you rolled you eyes. You used her outstretched hand as an opportunity to put her shot in her hand. “Your ass looks killer in those pants and you and I both know it. Where was I? Oh, right! You are the breadwinner in that relationship. He has that lame-ass, poor-paying job and he refuses to get a better one even though you have the same degree. Who the fuck does that? You pretty much pay all of the bills while he does god knows what.”

She found a pause long enough to take her shot, which very clearly did not go down smoothly. She stuck her hand out to indicate she needed antoehr second before she could continue. You took the moment to order a drink, an actual beer instead of another shot.

“Most importantly of all!” Jess drummed her palms on the bar as she worked her way up to something. “He is terrible at sex!” You tried to shush her because she had shouted that loud enough to get the attention of a few interested parties around you, but you had no luck. “I mean, did her ever make you finish once? In three years? God, he sucks so bad and you need to actually for sure dump him and kick him out of the apartment you pretty much pay for by yourself. ”

You sighed, not loving your life choices that led to this moment right now. You were grateful the bartender dropped your beer in front of you so you could hide behind the bottle instead of answering. Part of you knew she was at least a little bit right, but you didn’t know what everything looked like without him and there were some parts of him that you couldn’t let go of, some moments that pulled at your heart when you thought about. He’d been so much worse lately though and you were having a hard time continuing to give him chances because a second chance happened so long ago you might have run out of numbers.

“Any reason a girl who looks this good is looking sad and drinking a pretty shitty beer at a bar on a Saturday night?”

You turned to see who had spoken and were met with piercing blue eyes and a mess of curly hair. Stubble coated his jawline and a smirk played at the corners of his mouth. Objectively attractive. Objectively your type. Objectively trouble.

“I’m Matthew,” he told you. “You are?”

You sighed, debating if you should cut him off with mercy like you were used to doing. Jess cut in before you could, telling him your name and hers before you could back out.

“So, about that terrible beer,” he picked it up and slid it close to the opposite edge of the bar from you, “can I buy you a better one?”

As if he knew, your phone lit up on the bar with your boyfriend���s name flashing across the screen, the hearts on either side of his name mocking you. You sighed and opened the text anyway.

I know you’re out with Jess right now and I just wanted to say that I know we’re taking some space right now, but space doesn’t include seeing other people to me. So I’m not gonna do it and I sure hope you’re not.

“Oh my god, give me your phone,” Jess whined from Matt’s opposite side. “I need to throw your phone into a blender. He needs to stop texting you.”

“Boyfriend?” Matthew asked you, an eyebrow raising at the question. “Seems like the jealous type if he’s texted that much.”

Your eyes shifted from your phone to Matthew and back again. He was trying to control you even after you asked for space. You were done just like that. You shot off a quick text to him that simply read ‘We’re done. Get your shit out of my apartment,’ then shoved shoved your phone into your purse, deciding to forget about him and whatever he was about to do next for the rest of the night.

“No, my ex. He still has shit at my apartment and is trying to figure out when he can come get it,” you replied

Jess started freaking out behind you, her fists pumping into the air in wild, uneven movements in her drunken excitement.

“Good,” Matthew smiled at you, “so, about that drink?”

Three more drinks each in an hour and you were stumbling through the front door of Matt’s apartment, his mouth clumsy against yours thanks to the alcohol and his efforts removing his jacket at the same time. You giggled when he cursed against you mouth as he had to pull way to actually get his jacket off. He tossed it somewhere behind you as his mouth reconnected with yours.

His hands were so different compared to your ex. You felt bad comparing them, that your mind was wandering there, but you couldn’t help it. Matthew pulled at different parts of you than he did. His hands on your hips, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip, one of his legs pushing between yours as he guided you so your back was pressed against the nearest wall. One of his hands ran up towards your chest, your shirt riding up with it. 

“Jesus, fuck,” Matthew groaned when he saw move of your body. “You’re so fucking sexy.” 

“Then stop fucking around and fuck me already.”

Your last words came out as a moan as his mouth found your neck. He chuckled against your skin as he travelled down, sinking low so his lips could kiss along the edge of your low cut shirt. His large hands wrapped around the back of your thighs and he suddenly lifted you, drawing a yelp from you as your nails dug into his shoulders for stability. 

“I hope you know what you’re in for.” 

Apparently what you were in for was the best sex you’d ever had. Your chest was steal heaving with your second orgasm when Matt slid off the bed. He stepped into his boxers before grabbing his phone off of the nightstand. 

“Any idea where my purse is?” you asked him. 

“Uh, I think kitchen counter?” He said it like a question, so much so he threw in additional, “Maybe?” 

You sighed and rolled yourself out of his bed, sliding on your panties and bra before heading toward the kitchen. Your purse hadn’t quite made it to the counter, falling short onto the floor. You grabbed your phone and headed back toward’s Matthew’s room. You audibly groaned when you saw the notifications on your phone. 13 missed calls. 7 voicemails. 26 text messages. All from him.

“Jesus,” you mumbled under your breath.

“I know I’m pretty good, but already moving on to god-like compliments?”

Matthew’s joke brought you out of the spiral your brain had started to go down. You scrunched your nose up at him and stuck your tongue out, which made him throw his head back and laugh. 

“So you had a good time then,” he chided you. His phone hanging loose in his hands as he did nothing to hide the fact that his eyes were raking up and down your body right now. “Wanna go again?” 

“Give me like ten minutes,” you mumbled. 

You barely registering what he’d said as you started to scroll through his texts. Each one was crazier then the last. Guaranteed, you had ended a three-year relationship with a guy you lived with over text, but you hadn’t realized quite how unhinged he could sound sometimes. You’d barely gotten a quarter of the way in when your phone was taken from your hands.

“Hey, that’s mine!” you whined. Matt was dangling it above your head, completely out of your reach. “Matthew, give it back.” 

“Mm, nope. It’s mine for tonight and so are you,” he informed you. “Pick a song.” 

He offered his phone out to you instead, Spotify open for you. He wiggled it a little from side to side to try and peak your interest. 

“Let’s forget about that douchebag after I just fucked you way better than he does, okay? You pick a song and then we’ll go again and I’ll fuck you even better. Deal?” 

A smirk pulled at the corner’s of his mouth. He knew you weren’t going to say no before you’d even decided to say yes. You weren’t sure how he’d known it was your ex. You’d probably given it away somehow. Your mom had always told you that you were an open book, begging to be read. You sighed and took his phone, deciding this night you might regret was better than dealing with you current problems.

You played the first thing you could think of. You regretted your choice as the first few chords started and Matt started laughing at your choice. 

“Sorry, that’s super fucking lame,” you mumbled as you began your search for a new song. 

“No, no,” Matt’s hands wrapped over your to stop your movements. “I love this song, even though it’s definitely super fucking lame.” 

You smiled up at him and it made a mirroring smile come across his face. You let go, letting yourself be entirely in this moment tonight. You let yourself forget the texts and voicemails waiting for you. You let yourself forget how horrible it going home tomorrow was going to be. Instead, you let a pair of beautiful blue eyes and a mess of curls distract you. You made him yours for the night, thinking that was all it could be. 

You need a pick-me up?

I’ll be there in twenty-five

I like to push my luck

So take my hand, let’s take a drive

“Are you up?”

Matthew usually texted you. By usually you mean over the past two months where you’d seen him at least three times a week. Fresh off your breakup, he’d become a great regular distraction that made it worth your time to text him instead of trying your chances at the bar again. Apparently he was either drunk or couldn’t read a clock because it was midnight on a Tuesday and he was calling you.

“Well, I answered the phone,” you groaned as you rubbed your eyes with your free hand, trying to wake yourself up a bit. “What’s up, Matt?”

“You didn’t answer my text and I wanna see you tonight,” he told you.

“You’re the worst hook up I’ve ever had for my sleeping schedule,” you mumbled. “Look, Matt, I had a shit day at work and I really just want to sleep and-“”

“Get your shoes on. I’ll be there in like, half an hour.”

He hung up without even bothering to wait for an answer. You tossed your phone down your bed as you let yourself fall back into the blankets. You wanted to let them swallow you up and drag you back to sleep, but you knew Matt was showing up regardless of how you felt about it. You let your feet drop heavily on the floor and let out a sigh before pushing yourself out of bed. You threw your hair up, at least grateful you’d made yourself shower before you went to bed, and grabbed the first clean clothes you could find. The fact that he’d asked you to put on your shoes was odd, but it was Matt. You couldn’t really expect anything because. 

The time flew by and Matthew was knocking on your front door before you could even fully process the situation. How he looked this good with joggers hung low on his hips, and a workout t-shirt at midnight you didn’t really know.

“You’re not wearing shoes,” Matt sang softly. “I thought you knew that part was non-negotiable.”

“You called me after I’d already been asleep for two hours. You should be amazed I’m vertical right now,” you grumbled at him as you slid on the nearest pair of sneakers you could find. “Where are we going?”

“You said you had a bad day.” Matt verbally skated around your question as he stepped into the hallway of your apartment, propping the door open for you. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” you sighed. It had just been one of those days where there were too many little things that individually all sounded fine, but when put together had made you miserable. “How was your day?”

Matt shook his head at you and tsked softly, “Sharing is caring. And you can’t expect me to share if you don’t.”

“Do you like to try and sound like a kindergarten teacher to piss me off,” you stepped into the hallway and began fussing with the lock on your front door to get it to close, “or do you think it’s a kink for me? Spoiler alert, Matty, the answer is I fucking hate it.”

Matt laughed a full belly laugh and you finally heard the lock click into place. You spun on your heels to face Matthew. He smiled down at you and jutted one of his hands out into the space between you two.

“Let’s go for a drive. If you’re a good girl, I might even throw in some French fries at the end for ya.” A smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth as he added, “And an orgasm or two because I’m feeling generous.”

You rolled your eyes at him, but the smile forming on your lips betrayed you. You practically slapped your hand against his as your grabbed it.

“Careful with the merchandise!” Matthew shouted. You shushed him, knowing your elderly neighbor was already none too thrilled with you since her bedroom wall was shared with yours. “Oh, that old bat has heard worse.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as Matthew dragged you out to his car. Part of you, a part of you that you didn’t want to acknowledge, noted just how boyfriend-like this whole evening was. Or at least, that this isn’t what people who are just hooking up typically do. You pushed that thought aside. You knew this was just how Matthew was. This wasn’t serious and wasn’t on its way to it, but it could be self-contained serious. Each night could be serious. You could fall for him each and every single night you were with him if you wanted to, as long as the feelings were gone by the time the morning came.

I love it when you talk that nerdy shit

We’re in our twenties talking thirties shit

We’re making money but we’re saving it

‘Cause talking shit is cheap and we talk a lot of it

You won’t stay with me, I know

But you can have your way with me ‘til you go

“Okay, okay, try me again,” Matt said slowly, his fingertips tapping slowly on table between you. “I definitely won’t get it this time, but it’s hot when you’re smart.”

You rolled your eyes at him, a frequent occurrence, and shook your head softly. You grabbed your orange juice and took a few swigs of it before trying to explain the intricacies of your problem at work to him. He was cute and he was really good at hockey, but his ability to understand your job was lacking. Matthew still tried to understand though, even though he knew he probably wouldn’t get it. Your ex could understand, you’d gone to school together, but he never tried. It was the morning though, so you couldn’t be in love with Matty right now. That feeling, that temporary love, was reserved for nights in his bed or yours.

“Okay, I still don’t get it,” Matthew sighed, clearly a little frustrated with himself. “But you clearly know what you’re doing and you’re way too smart for me. I hope our babies get your smarts, but my hockey sense. You still can’t figure out offsides.”

“How many babies am I pushing out here, Tkachuk?” You raised an eyebrow at him, but you knew he was just talking shit, trying to get a reaction out of you. “Also, offsides is complicated and I’ve got a college degree taking up space in my brain where you have hockey knowledge.”

“I was thinking three,” Matt told you as he tossed his coffee cup between his hands, sliding it across the table with each toss. “I’ll strap them in skates as soon as they can walk, make them fall in love with hockey before your brains take over and they decide to become doctors or something ridiculous.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t that just be the worst thing if little Matty became a doctor instead of a hockey player?” You lifted your glass to your lips and smiled against the edge. “Absolutely the worst thing that could happy to him.”

“Exactly.” Matthew’s smile was evident in his voice. “Glad you’re on board with this plan.”

“Mm, I think you owe me some jewelry and a big party before I pop out any kids for you, Matt,” you sighed as you set your cup back down on the table.

“You’re so fucking picky. I’m just going to stand there in the jewelry store with a blank check and let you go ape shit,” Matt informed you.

“Thinking about wifing me up, huh?” you joked.

The words came out of your mouth and you knew you’d gone too far. Everything else was just running your mouths, something you both needed to keep things light and non-committal. But that joke was walking dangerously close to asking for a real commitment and a future.

“Do you want me to be thinking about it?”

You had absolutely no idea how your were supposed to feel after hearing his response. He was pushing the issue back on you, trying to get you to admit if your question was a joke that didn’t quite land or if it was serious. The problem was you honestly didn’t know. You knew you weren’t looking for anything. You knew you hadn’t let Matthew take you home the night you met at the bar to start anything. He wasn’t the type of guy you would have ever seen yourself with, but maybe that’s because you’d only ever pictured your future with one specific person.

“Is it okay if I don’t really know?”

The question was risky, because up until that moment everything was completely casual. You were forcing an issue that you weren’t even sure was really what you wanted or not.

“I’m good however you want to be. I just like being around you,” Matthew told you. “Whatever you want that to look like, I’m down for.”

You smiled and took his open ending as an opportunities to change the ton of the conversation with, “What if I wanted to move to the Bahamas and become a scuba instructor with you and our three kids?”

“Give up my hockey career to see you in a bikini everyday? Sign me the fuck up.”

I know better

I know better

I know better than to ever call you mine

It was like that conversation had only happened in your mind. You’d left the diner that day and Matthew acted like everything was exactly the same as it had been when you walked in an hour prior. You pretended too, because what else were you supposed to do?

“Okay so,” Matthew tossed the stress ball from your desk up into the air and paused to ensure he caught it on its journey back down. “I wanted to ask if you’d come to this party thing the team’s having. It’s like, kinda nice, but I promise it’ll be low-key. I’ll even buy you a new dress for it. Well, I’m gonna let one of the guys’ wives do it. Call it a gift for putting up with me for so long.”

You had said yes without even thinking really. Also, you said yes without realizing Matthew was totally lying about how nice the event was. When the dress arrived on your doorstep, you unboxed it, expecting something just on the right side of too revealing. Instead, you found an absolutely stunning right, knee length formal dress.

“Matthew,” you sighed to yourself in your empty apartment, the dress in your hands. “What are you doing here?”

You mentally blocked out more time to get ready than you’d previously been planning, knowing you had to step up your game this time. Still didn’t mean you weren’t rushing to put the last bobby pin in place when Matthew knocked on your door that Friday evening.

“It’s open!” you shouted from your bathroom.

“You know, that’s not really safe!” Matthew shouted back, his voice getting louder as he came toward you, his dress shoes tapping against the floorboards as he walked. “You know I could’ve been- holy fuck.”

You turned to see Matthew standing in the doorway of your bathroom, his eyes raking up and down your body unabashedly. One of his hands gripped the doorframe in support as his eyes lingered at his favorite areas of your body.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathed out. “You look unbelievable.”

“Thank you,” you smiled softly. Your nerves were rising under his intense gaze and you kept fidgeting with a strand of your hair. “Thank you for the dress. And thank whoever picked it out for me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “Definitely gonna have to thank her.”

You giggled a little at just how in shock he still was. Guaranteed, he’d never seen you actually try and look this good before. The best you’d probably ever looked for him was the night at the bar where you met.

“Are you ready to go?” Matthew asked after clearing his throat. He finally had collected himself enough.

“Just gotta our the heels on and then yes,” you replied, motioning for him to get out of your way so you could get to your heels in your bedroom across the hall.

You sat down on the edge of your bed and began winding the straps of your heels around your ankle. Jess has picked them out when she saw the dress. They were a little cumbersome to put on, but they looked incredible with Matthew’s gift, so you dealt with the hassle of getting them on.

“Hey um, I wanted to talk to you about something before we go,” Matthew asked, his voice shaky.

For someone who was usually so confident it was almost a turn off, he was practically green when you looked up at him, taking a physical and mental break before putting on your other shoe. His hands were clenching and in clenching at his sides.

“Look uh, I know you’re,” he paused and looked you over again before continuing. “Well, you’re you and I’m me and this is stupid why did I start this?”

He sighed and let his head fall back, his curls flopping back as he gathered his thoughts. He cursed softly before looking back at you.

“I know I said I’d be whatever you wanted in the diner, that it was up to you and anything would be fine with me.” He finally met your eyes. “But I don’t think anything is fine with me. Fuck, I know better than to think you’re mine, but you feel like mine. God, you really, really do.”

He had crossed the room and was standing in front of you before you could process the words coming out of his mouth. Matthew’s hands grabbed yours and he pulled you to your feet, keeping you steady because you were still only wearing one heel.

“I love being around you,” Matthew told you, his baby blues looking into your eyes. You felt like he was looking straight into you, into the parts that made you who you were. “You’re one of my favorite people I’ve ever met. I know I shouldn’t ask. You’re so successful and smart and strong and you deserve so much better than me. I know better than to think you’d want to be with me, but fuck, do you want to be with me? Because that’s what I really want.”

You didn’t even have to think about your answer. You knew it. You steadied yourself against him and pressed your lips to his. His arms wrapped around your waist, lifting you off the ground to eliminate the rockiness from the one heel situation. His mouth felt different against yours, eager, but tender and caring in a way you’d never felt before from him or anyone.

“Mine,” he whispered against your lips, his smile making kissing you too challenging in that moment. “You’re mine now.”

“Kinda already was,” you laughed lightly. “Glad you’re taking the position of boyfriend up officially.”

“Oh shit. Miscommunication. I was promoting myself right to future husband,” Matthew joked. “Guess I gotta earn that promotion now, huh?”

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Won’t You Stay (Part 10)

Summary: The reader meets a few of Jensen’s friends but ends up having a bad morning when she wakes up late for work...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 2,900ish

Warnings: language, angst, implied past domestic abuse

A/N: Please enjoy!

_____

“Ackles,” said a tall guy when you got to the restaurant that night. He gave you a smile as you took a seat at the table, a woman sitting next to him. “You must be Y/N. I’m Jared.”

“I’m Gen,” said the woman, giving you a friendly smile.

“Hi,” you said, looking at them both. “You two seem familiar.”

“We did Supernatural with Jensen,” said Jared. “I was on all three seasons with him. Gen joined the last before I locked that down.”

“These losers are married,” teased Jensen. “At least I did not have to third wheel again.”

“So what’s it like having your girlfriend boss you around all day?” said Jared with a smile.

“Oh you wish you were in my position, buddy,” said Jensen. 

“You will learn very quickly these two turn into toddlers around each other,” said Gen. “They’d be joined at the hip if they could be.”

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say Jared’s the friend Jensen does his check in thing with?” you asked.

“You wouldn’t be wrong,” chuckled Jared. He glanced at Jensen and you looked down, feeling a foot tap your own. You lifted your head and saw Jared giving you a smile. “It’s not a secret or anything. I could do worse for a brother.”

“Aw,” said Jensen, Jared rolling his eyes.

“He’s very much a loser if you haven’t realized that yet,” said Jared.

“Losers are cooler than people think,” you said.

“Told you I liked this girl,” said Jared as the waiter came back over. 

Fifteen minutes later you had your food and Gen was already inviting you to a girls night dinner. You watched Jensen interact with his friends, smiling when you saw how he was with Jared. There was something sweet about it. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought they were real brothers. You liked that he had a friend like that, especially in the acting industry when people were known for throwing each under the bus.

“Y/N, wanna go to the bathroom with me?” asked Gen. 

“Sure,” you said, leaving your napkin on your seat as you went back with her. She used the restroom for a moment while you waited by the sink, smiling when she came out. 

“So it’s been awhile since Jensen’s had a girlfriend I’ve heard. I’ve never seen him even go on a date,” she said.

“He said he’s been on a break from them for a while,” you said. She dried off her hands and hummed. 

“You must be special then,” she said. You swallowed and she smiled. “Listen. He deserves to be happy and so do you. You two seem to like each other so I’m all for it. Those two boys are going to be besties for life so we’ll probably see a lot of each other.”

“I’ve barely been dating him. I don’t know…” you shrugged. She smiled and nodded. “I’m just enjoying it right now.”

“Probably the smart move,” she said, fixing her hair in the mirror. You pursed your lips and looked at your own reflection. Jensen’s hat was backwards on your head, hiding the flyaways you had from the rollercoasters that afternoon. You touched the end of your side braid. You weren’t even wearing any makeup. “You do realize he’s been drooling over you since the second you walked in the door, right?”

“Yeah but I mean I’m not an idiot. Guys like it when we look pretty and dress up,” you said.

“They also like it when we wear their stuff,” she said. “Relax. This was totally last minute anyways. I was literally in my underwear when I met Jared for the first time. I was mortified.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. It was our first scene together. He was late that day so he showed up on set and I was like awesome, let’s meet the cute guy when I’m half naked,” she said.

“I was kinda mad that our original lead actor dropped out and they had an emergency casting call. But Jensen was late to it. I didn’t know what he looked like. I went to take a walk around the block to relax and this guy kind of grabbed me and started bothering me. Jensen came out of nowhere and got me out of there while he dealt with the guy. Ten minutes later I find out he’s the guy that’s supposed to be auditioning in my movie.”

“Oh wow. I assumed you just met on set,” she said.

“No. He found out who I was the next day,” you said. “He asked me out the night before.”

“He’s the kind of guy that does that sort of thing, helps people I mean,” she said.

“I’m starting to get that,” you said.

“Maybe you help him,” she said. You raised an eyebrow and she shrugged. “Like I said. I’ve never seen him on a date. I don’t think Jared has either.”

“I just like him,” you said.

“Good,” she said, grabbing your hand. “Come on and split some dessert with me. I want to see that boy blush over you more.”

“I like her,” you said to Jared as you walked out of a bar later that night, Gen walking ahead with Jensen, the two of them chatting about you if you had to guess. “She’s cute.”

“Yes, she is. Jensen mentioned you were pretty cute too,” said Jared. “He’s been talking about you for weeks now. I was wondering when we’d get to meet.”

“Work keeps me pretty busy,” you said.

“I love the book by the way,” he said. “Jensen was bouncing off the freaking wall when he got the part. You have no idea how happy that made him.”

“He was very good. He got the part all on his own,” you said. “He’s a good actor.”

“He is. Any guy our age would kill to get to play opposite Ethan Y/L/N,” said Jared. “He says that’s nothing compared to you though.”

“What do you mean?”

“He likes the atmosphere you create on set,” said Jared. “He’s making me jealous almost. I’d love a director that cares more about the people making something than profits and marketing.”

“If I don’t screw this up and end up directing more, come look me up. Jensen’s friends are more than welcome on my sets,” you said. 

“I’ll take you up on that. I think you’re too hard on yourself. You’ll do fine with it,” said Jared.

“How would you know that? We just met after all.”

“Do you know why Jensen checks in on me everyday?” he asked, slowing his walk. “He worries about me. Sometimes I listen to the crap in my head too much. I had a rough go of it once. He was there for me. He’s still there for me. It doesn’t matter where or when. I can always go knock on his door and he’s there.”

“It’s like I keep telling him. People aren’t sweet like him,” you said as you looked ahead.

“They are. He’s just our version of it,” he said. “I’m willing to share if you are.”

“You can always come knock on his door, Jared. Even if I’m there,” you said. “I’m not stealing him away or anything.”

“Yet you don’t think people are as sweet as him,” he laughed. “You’re funny, Y/L/N.”

He slowed as you saw Jensen and Gen hanging out by the door of an apartment building, Jared leaning over to you.

“He doesn’t always say it but you’ll figure it out soon enough,” said Jared. “He thinks you’re sweet too.”

“Goodnight Jared,” you said as he started to walk again, a smirk crossing his lips. 

“Goodnight Y/N. We’ll have to have you guys over for dinner sometime when you’re not so insanely busy,” said Jared.

“We will take you up on that,” said Jensen, throwing an arm over your shoulders. “Night guys.”

He spun the two of you around before you kept going down the block, Jared laughing in the distance.

“Your friends are nice,” you said.

“They like you,” he said. He dropped his arm and took your hand in his instead, swinging it gently as you headed back towards his car. “I’m glad they like you.”

“They care about you.”

“Yes, they do,” he said. “Still. It’s hard being the tag along sometimes.”

“Jensen. I don’t think either one of them has ever considered you a tag along,” you said. “They want you to be happy.”

“I am,” he said. He kissed you slowly, smiling when he moved back. “Promise.”

“Me too,” you said.

“Anywhere else you’d like to go tonight, pretty girl?” he asked. 

“I am already up way past my bedtime,” you said, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Do you want to sleepover tonight?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “You’re very cuddly when you sleep.”

“Sorry,” you said, glad it was dark out and your blush was hidden. He leaned over and brushed his lips against your ear.

“I kinda really like it,” he whispered. You smiled, Jensen spinning you around in a circle until you giggled. “Oh, there’s another thing I like.”

“What else do you like?” you asked.

“Everything,” he said. 

“Ah. That narrows it down,” you said.

“Not a word of a lie,” he said as you let out a small yawn. “Come on. Let’s get you in bed. We have work bright and early.”

“Fuck,” you said, bottling up out of bed the next morning. You slammed your alarm clock, four snoozes in and dashed out of bed, running into the bathroom as Jensen yawned and sat up.

“Morning,” he said with a stretch, watching you run around your bedroom. You slammed the door shut to the bathroom and exited not twenty seconds later in new clothes. “I love a girl that don’t mess around in the morning.”

“I am so late,” you said, grabbing a hair tie from your dresser. You threw it back in a messy pony, Jensen tossing his hat from the floor at you. “Thanks.”

You tugged it on and he rolled out of bed, moving a little slow before he wandered into your bathroom and exited.

“Y/N, it’s like five am,” he yawned.

“I have to review my shots for the day and I have a budget meeting and a stunt review all before eight,” you said, pausing as you grabbed your backpack. “Uh you can totally sleep in. Just lock up after yourself.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’ll come in early, crash in my trailer for a few,” he said. “Maybe have breakfast with my smokin’ hot director.”

“Does this look smokin’ hot?” you said, pointing down at yourself.

“Well, you’re wearing my hat and my texas t shirt. Yeah, pretty damn hot right now, girl,” he said. You hadn’t even realized you’d grabbed his shirt, just thought it was a big baggy one you used for washing your car or stuff around the house. 

“Oh,” you said, glancing at him, bare chested as he pulled on his jeans. “I didn’t mean to take your shirt.”

“Please do,” he smirked. “I got a sweatshirt in my car. It’s fine.”

“I didn’t remember you taking off your shirt last night,” you said. He nodded and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I got hot under the covers,” he said, glancing away. 

“Sorry,” you said when you kept staring at him.

“Not like you haven’t seen me without a shirt on before,” he said. 

“You’re just...really good looking,” you said, tugging on the bottom of your shirt.

“You can change in front of me if you want. I mean, I can keep it in my pants,” he said.

“It’s not…” you said, Jensen looking you up and down. “People like you aren’t with people like me.”

“I don’t know if it was this ex or what but this twisted sense of self-image or worth or whatever you have going on, you should tell it to shove it cause you are damn gorgeous. You care about people. The world ain’t seeing what you think it is,” he said.

You swallowed and stared at him, Jensen dropping his arms to his sides. You fixed the backpack onto your shoulders before you picked up your phone from your nightstand.

“Y/N,” said Jensen, walking around to your side of the bed, resting a hand on your shoulder.

“I have to relearn those things, Jensen. It’s gonna take time for me to do that,” you said.

“Let me help you do that,” he said.

“Why?” you asked, spinning around.

“Because I care about you,” he said quietly. 

“Yeah but why do you care about me,” you asked. 

“I don’t know. I just do. It kinda scares me to be honest,” he said. 

“Why, cause you’re attracted to a freak?” you asked. He scowled and turned you around, planting a harsh kiss on your lips. His hands cupped your cheeks when he pulled back and you felt like his green eyes were staring right through you.

“Because I don’t know what this is. It feels familiar but it’s not and that’s scary. I hate that you think that way about yourself and everyday I want to go and kick this ex-boyfriend’s ass more and more. He sounds worse than just a bad ex, Y/N. You’re not a freak. You’re someone I care about,” he said. “It doesn’t seem like you care about you all that much which really sucks cause she’s a pretty special girl that deserves it.”

You didn’t know what to say, not with the way he was looking at you. 

Crying when you were already late for the day seemed like the worst possible thing to do but that’s what your body decided for you. Jensen wrapped his arms around your shoulders, kissing your temple and shushing you.

“I’m late,” you sniffled. “I gotta go.”

“Not happening.”

“I’m gonna get in trouble again and I already used up a favor pushing the stunt back before,” you mumbled. “They’re gonna fire me off my own movie.”

“First off, no, they won’t. Second, you need to take a hot minute for yourself and lay back down in bed for another few hours. Filming doesn’t start until eight so we have time. Third, you’re gonna blame this on me,” he said. You tilted your head up, Jensen already shaking his. “I called you freaking out about the pressure and you came over to calm me down. That’s what we say when someone asks.”

“Jensen, no. You can’t do that,” you said. “You’ll get labeled as something you’re not and big gigs could take years to come your way again.”

“Well who gives a fuck about big gigs. I want my girlfriend to be okay right now. That’s what I want,” he said.

“Jensen,” you said.

“No. It’s like I said, you don’t have to tell me a damn thing you don’t want to. But I’m not gonna watch you bully yourself. I won’t. So I’ll help you kick that thing’s ass inside your head that’s making you feel that way. Please. Lay back down, I’ll text your dad, ask him to tell the story that you were reaming me out a new one to get me to keep working and at seven, we’ll wake up and head to work, alright?” 

“You’re not gonna give me a choice,” you said, shutting your eyes.

“You always have a choice. Just make this one right now. Please,” he said.

“Fine but-”

“No buts except you get yours back in that bed for more sleep,” he said. You peeled open your eyes, Jensen with a worried stare looking back. “Tonight after work, we’ll talk and figure out a good way to get through this, alright?”

“I’m not something to fix,” you mumbled, sliding your backpack off.

“I never said you were broken,” he said softly. You looked over at him, giving him a small smile before you slipped under the covers. He left the room for a minute and you kicked off your jeans, Jensen dropping his own when he came back in. He crawled underneath and pulled you into his side, moving the blankets around you. “Relax, honey. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

_____

A/N: Read Part 11 here!

[bluebellhairpin]

Star Wars Headcanons - Having an Ex-First Order S/O

Star Wars X Ex-First Order!Reader

A/N: It’s my first time writing anyone who isn’t Poe. Don’t @ me if I get them a bit occ, okay? (Also, I’ve left out Anakin because it’s kinda hard to write him with an Ex-First Order S/O when he wasn’t part of the First Order himself, like, two minutes before he died. Not my fault he was a b a d b o y . Same with Huxxx.) - Nemo

Masterlist  

Finn (Traitor) 

ummmm

He’s ex-First Order too, so the chances of it being a problem aren’t going to be high.

At all. 

If you were a Trooper too then you’d both bond greatly over this.

If you were an officer, or higher rank then him which wouldn’t of been too hard then he’ll just look up to you heaps 

“Listen, my s/o used to be a First Order Commander. They got away and are still living life to the fullest. Your argument is irrelevant. Peridot.”

If someone left a backhanded comment at him about being Ex-First Order, but if they made it at his s/o?

He’s already thrown hands before someone can get a syllable of the word ‘don’t’ out. 

He knows what you could’ve dealt with - it’s a life neither of you wanted, that’s why you left - so he’s very protective about that part of your lives, and yet he’s still so understanding.

For instance, if you wanted to throw hands instead he’d 100% let you -

Rey (Of Jakku) 

Okay, listen, she liked Kylo/Ben back when he was still a murderous sith lord.

You’re not worse, so there’s, like, zero apprehension once she found out. 

Honestly, you were a bit worried with exactly how chill she was when finding out. 

She was freakily calm. 

“So that’s what’s been worrying you, huh?”

Of course she could tell there was something ‘off’. 

She’s very considerate when it comes to your ‘predicament’, and like Finn would probably throw hands with someone if they decided to use your history against her.

Unlike Finn, you do not have to physically hold her back to get her to not deck said disrespectful person. 

She’s good like that. 

Poe Dameron (Poe Damn-eron)

Reacts very mildly.

He’d definetly ask at some point why you didn’t tell him sooner.

Slightly hurt that you could’ve felt you couldn’t trust him enough to tell him.

Probably will pout at some stage. He might not know why, and neither would you.

The thought might run through his head that you’re still for the First Order, and only with him because he’s Poe Kriffing Dameron and he knows everything about the Resistance.

One look into your eyes squashes that thought very quickly.

“But you’re good now, right?” 

You say ‘of course, doofus!’, and you both giggle.

Life moves pretty normally after, nothing really changes.

However he does now understand how you can do that; and know so much about this; and why you know how those two things work together.

Ben Solo (Emo Ren) 

He isn’t one to talk bad about you at all because of this.

He used to be Kylo Ren for kirffs sake.

If he does, I will - with the full force of my entire being - step through my computer screen and give him a Carrie Fisher face slap. 

But he can still be an idiot sometimes.

“So, did you kill anybody - when you were with... The other guys?”

Good l o r d, send him some help.

He was probably awkward before, but now you have that in common, um, somehow his awkwardness got worse??? 

10/10 did not inherit any of his father’s smooth nature.

I’d suggest to keep this ‘First Order’ information to yourself. 

For the sake of everyone’s sanity. 

Han Solo (Shot First) 

On board with this.

All the way.

His s/o is a badass that broke away from the First Order - why wouldn’t he love that?  

He’s just - you literally just got even better by his standards.

Like you were cool before, but now you’re the closest thing  he has to a role model.

“I’d wish I could do that if I used to be with those guys.” 

He thinks he wouldn’t be able to break away like that - but really he probably would.   

He would most definitely use this new information for his benefit. 

Like, if someone was being a little too ‘iffy’ or something about his smuggling or piloting, he’ll pull the ‘They’re Ex-First Order, don’t make me tell them to use their methods against you’ card. 

You’re always like ‘That’s not how it works, Han.’

He ignores you every time. 

Cassian Andor (Didn’t Deserve To Die) 

He gets apprehensive.

Don’t get me wrong, he still likes you a lot, but he does have similar worries to Poe. 

At the same time he also heavily respects you for managing to get away and - not just start a new life - but join the Resistance. 

It’s a very notable achievement. 

Like Han, he looks up to you for that.

“You know, it doesn’t exactly bother me as much as I thought it would to begin with.” 

Thanks Cassian.

He soon comes to realize your not much different to K2.

It’s just like you broke off from the First Order and then reprogrammed yourself to work for the good guys. 

“Sure Cass, if that helps you understand then so be it.”

He’s just - it’s so - mhmmmmmm - yeah. 

Din Djarin (Whatta Man-dalorian) 

10/10 not worried about it.

He’s a bounty hunter by profession, so in theory - even if he didn’t know why - you probably met because he was hunting you.

The fact The Child likes you is the only reason he didn’t give you over, and once he found out why he was hunting you, he only wanted to keep you safe.

The Child needed another parent figure anyway.

“You’d think this’d be harder, since now I have two wanted people on my ship and all. But it’s not.” 

Thing’s don’t really change between you either, it’s just now he’s a little less worried about you if something happens.

You know - 

- Since it took a Mandalorian to even find you in the first place -

He knows you can h a n d l e yours e l f if someone comes a f t e r you. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi (Hermit Blueprint) 

Mmmmmm he’s not -

- I dunno man.

He’d be a bit butthurt to begin with, but he get’s over it pretty quickly. 

Reasons that if you left, and ran off to Tatooine then you really mustn’t be too bad.

Probably worries that now Vader has more reason to come looking on Tatooine, but again probably gets over that rather quickly. 

But still had a number of questions.

“You’re Ex-First Order? The hell does that mean? You used to iron Vader’s cape or something?” 

Yes Obi, that’s exactly what you did.

Fool. 

He’ll always find questions to ask you, and will no doubt want story-length answers.

He doesn’t stop. 

Even so, you were the One (1) person he trusts most in the entire galaxy, and that hasn’t changed.

His view on you has, his trust hasn’t.  

[venusofthehardsells]

Dreamgirl [part 6]

ReaderxBucky Barnes

[part 5]

Summary: Bucky tries to adjust to his new life in the Avengers compound. One day he meets a girl who might be everything he needs in order to move on, but is his past really that far away? Warnings: blood/violence-ish, therapy sessions, talk of mental instability, self-hate galore, Bucky is very distressed, what is plot (general series warnings include noncon and dark themes) A/N: Part 6 is here in record time and no one is more surprised than me. The chapter didn’t actually cover as much plot as planned, but I guess that’s the terrorbeauty of writing. Enjoy the tiny little glimpse into Bucky’s past as HYDRA’s Asset for now. Thank you as always for reading and being patient with my inconsistent self ♥♥♥ And a special thanks to @cake-writes​ for helping me out when I was stuck! You’re the best! ♥

When the soft sound of his shoes echoes on the hallway to Dr. Trevelyan's office in the westernmost part of the compound, Bucky is as always taken aback by how loud he is. No matter which shoes he wears, he just can't seem to walk silently down this particular corridor. He tried barefoot once, just to test it, and the floor still dutifully announced his arrival. It’s the only place in the compound he can’t seem to conceal his presence.

He’s not surprised when Dr. Nadia Trevelyan, at the sound of his footsteps, opens the door to her office all the way and comes out to greet him. She does that sometimes. What does surprise him is the look on her face.

“Mr. Barnes. I was afraid you wouldn’t come today.”

Bucky frowns.

“I didn’t think I had a choice.”

The side of her elegantly painted mouth twitches and Bucky is certain it’s not from amusement. The way she proceeds to cross her arms only solidifies that certainty.

“You know there’s a choice. I just thought the general appeal of a barred cell had finally surpassed that of my office. It seemed like a reasonable conclusion to make, given your usual punctuality.”

Her calm, dry words feel like the verbal slap that they are, but at the same time a slower, more blunt feeling is oozing from them like the raw, cloying smell of an infected wound: dread.

With a shaking hand he takes his mobile from his pocket and unlocks the screen. The dread explodes into alarm. Starkly outlined against the black background, the white digital numbers of the phone’s clock perfectly justifies Dr. Trevelyan’s annoyance.

It’s 12:21pm.

It’s happened again. Bucky feels as if an ice cold fist is squeezing his insides. He’s lost time. He left the coffee shop, he ran straight back to the compound and now he’s standing here more than twenty minutes late to an appointment he’s usually early for. As if the hours just vanished in the blink of an eye.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, blood rushing to his cheeks until they physically hurt. He can't quite meet Dr. Trevelyan's big disapproving eyes.

It's his own fault, he knows. If only he had been more forthcoming in their sessions, she might have been willing to cut him some slack. But he has persistently worn her patience down over the past few months and now he fears there's nothing left. She'll have to report that he is late for a mandatory session and he'll have to undergo another full psychological evaluation, questions will be asked about why he wasn't on time, his sentence might even have to be renegotiated, Stark will be down his throat about the forest that'll have to be cut down to cover the paperwork…

Nadia Trevelyan seems to be considering these facts as well and to Bucky's immense relief, she finally sighs and uncrosses her arms.

"Since it's the first time it's happened, I suppose I can let it slide," she relents. The hard stare that follows the words tells Bucky exactly how much she likes it and he knows he'll have to grovel. Quid pro quo.

She steps aside to let him into the office and he sits down in his designated chair almost timidly.

"Thank you," he manages and she looks at him for a long time before she closes the door and sits down herself.

"So why are you late?" There's the adjusted voice of a professional shrink he's become so accustomed to by now. Bucky tries not to cringe.

"I just… lost track of time," he admits tentatively. "I was out running and I… I thought of S… Steve," he quickly amends, clearing his throat. His mind hasn't actually been near Steve since he entered the park early this morning, but somehow it doesn't feel right telling Dr. Trevelyan about Sugar. He wants to keep her to himself.

Of course, as his therapist, Nadia Trevelyan is bound by doctor-patient confidentiality, but because the sessions are a part of his sentence, that confidentiality only stretches so far and Bucky doesn't doubt for a second that anyone he talks to outside of the compound will be submitted to SHIELD's meticulous scrutiny the moment they hear about them. Sugar didn't agree to that and she sure as hell doesn't deserve it. No, Bucky wants to keep her out of his world for as long as he can. Keep her all to himself. Just Sugar and James, no complications, no messed up baggage, or spies or super soldiers or the end of the world. Just a regular guy who met a nice girl in a coffee shop and asked her out. That's all he wants.

"Bucky?"

He looks up and realises Dr. Nadia is looking expectantly at him. Shit, did he miss a question?

"You said you were thinking about Steve?" she supplies helpfully, if slightly irritated, when all he does is stare at her.

"Yes, uhm, well…" Bucky tries to regain his footing. "He, uh, left this morning for… work-"

"Yes, I'm aware," Dr. Trevelyan says, making Bucky raise an eyebrow. "My clearance is higher than yours, Bucky. How else could I be of any use around here?"

She doesn't say it, but he can hear it clear enough in her voice. You might have thought about that sooner if you ever actually bothered to talk to me.

"So you… you talk to Steve as well?"

She sighs.

"You know very well that I can’t tell you that."

But the sound of her heartbeat speeding up just a little is all the answer he needs. If he didn’t know any better, he would think she even gulped ever so slightly.

He can't figure out why, but it surprises him. Somehow he can't imagine either Captain America or Steve Rogers talk about their feelings. Not to Nadia Trevelyan anyway. Steve might look like an underwear model now, but he certainly doesn't have the confidence of one when it comes to women. And this therapist happens to be undeniably gorgeous. Tall and elegant, with long shiny black hair, she's the type of woman that turns heads; Bucky knows he would have tried his luck himself if he had met her back in the day when he wasn't broken, wasn't a monster. How Steve even gets a coherent sentence out in her presence is beyond him.

"Do you talk about me?"

There's something in her eyes when she answers.

"Whatever I may or may not discuss with Mr. Rogers isn't something I can disclose without his consent. And definitely not to another patient."

"Oh, so you do talk about me." Bucky can't help the smug little grin when Dr. Trevelyan actually relents a smile.

"Doctor-patient confidentiality, Mr. Barnes. You'll have to ask him."

"When he gets back."

"Indeed."

Bucky sighs.

"Whenever that might be." He regrets the casually bitter words the instant they're out of his mouth. Dr. Trevelyan's eyes gleam.

"You're worried about him."

"Of course I am!" Bucky nearly hisses. "He's a reckless, righteous idiot with a saviour complex and a stupid star-spangled frisbee, who can't tell when to quit. If his bleeding heart isn't going to get him fucking killed, his heroic dumbassery will. And I just…"

The sentence dies on his tongue. This is one of the reasons he hates therapy. Dr. Trevelyan barely has to say anything and the outbursts line up like a firing squad inside of him. And then he ends up saying things he doesn't mean, not really. Or worse, he starts to talk about something he can't voice. Literally can't get the words out without choking and feeling like his throat is completely tied up and his eyes are full of memories that he doesn't want to have. If he starts to dig into all of those ugly, horrid nightmares in the depths of his mind, Bucky is afraid he's never gonna emerge again.

His fragile, desperate hold on reality is fraying with every hour in this office, every sleepless night, every second he's on his own, but he is sure as hell not going to let go.

“He’s my friend, so of course I worry,” he dismisses instead, looking at the wall behind Nadia’s chair. There’s a stark white square to the right of her head, as if a painting, or a picture, has been taken down after a long time, leaving behind only a faint outline of its presence in the shade of the original paint. 

There is a tiny black hole at the center of the top of the white square from where a nail must have been. Bucky is surprised at the detail. He can’t quite believe something as low-tech as a nail exists in Stark’s shiny, new building.

“There are chinks in every armour if you know where to look.”

The nail is right in front of him. Held up close to his face between two silver metal fingers. Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky can see the Asset lean down behind him, lips close to his ear.

“It’s not like any of us wants to be here.” He twirls the nail in front of his eyes. “What do you say? We’ve gotten out of tighter quarters with less.”

Dr. Trevelyan nods sympathetically, but Bucky has already forgotten what he said. He barely even sees her anymore, his eyes are glued to the nail between the Asset’s fingers. For one terrifying moment, he sees the intent of his shadow self, sees Dr. Trevelyan on the floor with the nail sticking out between her eyes, blood silently trickling down her temple and he almost gags.

“Don’t,” he blurts out before he can stop himself and Dr. Trevelyan raises an eyebrow. The Asset just smirks and goes to stand next to her, leaning on her chair.

“What?” she inquires in an even voice.

“Yes, Bucky. What?” the Asset mimics mockingly.

"Just…" Bucky tries, fighting to regain some kind of control. He has to close his eyes and swallow, reaching back for the conversation Dr. Trevelyan is trying so hard to make him engage in. "Don’t act like you care. You don’t know what… how… what I’m like.”

Dr. Trevelyan sighs and rubs her temples, her long, elegant fingers uncomfortably close to the Asset.

“Believe it or not, Mr. Barnes, but I actually do care quite a lot. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. When your sentence was being negotiated, I volunteered to lead your therapy programme.”

That throws him. She normally doesn’t mention his sentence if she can avoid it and now she’s gone and done it twice in one day, but Bucky reckons he is being difficult, more so than usual.

“Yeah, well, no one asked you to,” he finally mumbles and Dr. Trevelyan’s mouth sets into a hard, painted line. 

As soon as the words leave him, Bucky wishes he could take them back, but with the Asset grinning at him, it’s almost impossible to focus. The nail between those silver fingers is still too close to her temple, but Bucky knows he can’t move. The Asset will be quicker.

Dr. Trevelyan regards him in silence for a long while then, before she sighs.

“Mr. Barnes, would you rather speak to a male therapist?”

Bucky’s eyes widen in surprise. What?

“Something is keeping you from confiding in me. Is it the fact that I’m a woman?” He has never heard her sound defensive before, but at this point he figures she’s well beyond caring.

“N-No, I…” He swallows when the Asset barks out a laugh.

“Oh, you’ve really charmed this one, Barnes.”

“Is it my skin then?” She gestures irritated with her cool light brown hand. “Or perhaps the accent? I realise things are very different from before all those atrocities happened to you, but that is why I am here. To help you adjust.”

“I thought you were here to cure me,” Bucky says slowly, willing himself not to look directly at the Asset.

“And I am trying, Mr. Barnes, but you have got to let me. If you don’t want my help, then there really isn’t much I can do.” She closes her eyes harshly for a moment. “Forgive me. That was very unprofessional of me. If, for whatever reason, you want a new psychologist, just say so. It’s very important that you feel comfortable with the person you talk to.”

Bucky winces so hard he almost thinks he can hear a few bones splinter beneath his muscles, but it has nothing to do with her words.

It’s the blood pouring out of her mouth as she speaks.

Down her chin it trickles onto her navy blue blouse, staining the silk black. The Asset has jammed the nail into the side of her throat. It's sticking out far more than it should given its size, as if it has somehow grown from the thin, clean, needle-like little tack into a rusty 6-inch coffin nail.

Bucky has to fight against at least a dozen different instincts telling him to run or to attack, to help, to defend or just do something other than what he does: sit still in his chair and try to think of something to say.

"Remember this?" the Asset asks, stroking Nadia's hair almost lovingly. She doesn't even flinch. She just sits there with her blood gushing out, waiting for him to reply.

Yes, Bucky remembers all too clearly. It’s as if the miniscule scar in the junction between his shoulder and neck pricks at the memory and if he didn’t feel sick before, he really does now.

The girl in his memory doesn’t look much like Nadia Trevelyan. She’s younger, with pale skin and even paler eyes, a mop of dark brown curls, tiny freckles around her eyes and nose…

But the coffin nail is exactly the same.

“I don’t need a new shr- a new therapist,” Bucky forces out as evenly as he can. “I… It’s not you.” He stops to swallow around a throat so dry and thick he’s sure it must be about to choke him. It’s nothing less than what he deserves.

“She was quite a little wildcat, that one,” the Asset reminisces and it’s all Bucky can do to not vomit on his running shoes. HYDRA’s dark soldier is obviously enjoying the torment his words are nurturing in Bucky. “Gave us quite the fight. Do you remember her name?”

Miriam.

Two of the three wheels under Dr. Trevelyan’s chair are now situated in a shallow pool of blood that only grows larger by the second. It’s covering the ground beneath the Asset’s feet and is creeping closer and closer.

He draws his feet back just a little.

“I just can’t talk about her. It! I can’t talk about it.”

Triumph at his slip-up is evident in Dr. Trevelyan's dark eyes, a sparkle of relief that she has finally gotten something out of her stubborn patient. Well, that's all she is going to get. Bucky clenches his teeth to the point of pain, vowing not to slip up like that again. No matter how badly the Asset rattles him, no matter what cruel tricks his mind is trying to play on him. Even if the bleeding woman in front of him is looking less and less like his doctor and eerily more like a girl twice buried many, many years ago.

"Who is it you can't talk about, Bucky?"

It feels almost worse knowing her sympathy is real.

"Doctor, please. I can't."

"Why not?"

His hands must have made indents in the arms of his chair with how tight he's grasping at them. Dr. Trevelyan doesn't push for an answer, but he's sure she captures and analyses every little movement he makes, most likely correctly too.

“I just… I wish that…” He has to swallow so hard his throat ought to rupture with the motion and his eyes are awash with the pressure of tears. “It’s too… too painful and I- I would rather be dead. If I’d just died back on that train, then… then everyone would be better off.”

His whole body trembles, but the words are out, hanging there between them as if he had shouted them.

“Would Steve?” The question is almost tender, as if she’s afraid to break the silence. It still feels to Bucky like a punch to the stomach.

“Steve’s fine,” he mumbles, not quite meeting her eyes. “He did just fine before I came and screwed things up. Should’ve just shot me on that bridge. Or let me drown.”

“Bucky, you have to stop thinking like that.” The genuine concern in Dr. Trevelyan’s voice is of a very different kind than the one he’s used to. Perhaps that’s what makes him listen. “I know there’s nothing I can say at this point to change your mind, but I still think you need to hear it. Whatever HYDRA made you do was not your fault. Now, we both know I can repeat that until I run out of breath and it won’t make a difference, but… I mean it. You are not guilty of what happened to you. What was done to you was vile. Cruel. You deserve this second chance more than anyone. The fact that you think you don't only makes it that much clearer."

She sends him a smile that would have been reassuring if it weren't for her bloodied exterior. If she weren't his doctor he's almost sure she would have reached out and squeezed his hand too. For a moment, he wishes she would. He wants to feel the touch of another human so badly he aches with it, but he doesn't deserve it. Right?

He recalls Sugar's soft, pliant lips and the comforting warmth of her skin. Would she have let him kiss her like that if she knew who he really is? What he has done?

The pressure becomes too much and before he knows what's happening, the tears have trailed warm tracks down his cheeks.

"It will take a while, but I can help you if you’ll let me.”

“I don’t want to feel this way…” The admission is so quiet and so soft that for a moment he isn’t even sure it has even left those hidden depths of his soul where it has stubbornly refused to be snuffed out by the heavy hands of his guilt. He’s almost ashamed of it. “But I don’t know… I just don’t know how not to.”

“It’s okay, Bucky,” Dr. Trevelyan assures him. “That’s why we’re here. So that you can figure it out.”

Bucky dares to look up and take in her face. Her lips and chin are still caked with semi-dry blood and the rusty coffin nail is jutting out from the softness of her neck. 

But the Asset is gone.

Alhabor smiles at the tall Frenchman as he sits down across from her at the small café table. He's as handsome as ever, even with the bottle blond hair that drains him a little bit. It gives him a haunted edge that makes his face even more interesting. He looks like a lost Romantic poet, she thinks longingly when he sends her a smirk and lowers his small black sunglasses to look at her.

"Good morning, mon coeur." They haven't seen each other in over three months and she knows it's her fault. Her job always comes first. Sometimes she wishes it wasn't like that. Sometimes she wishes she could run off with Christophe and let him take care of her the way he always promises he will on those few precious nights of passion they manage to steal from time to time. Sometimes she wishes she wasn't such an idealist.

"Good morning, my love. It’s a beautiful day in Paris, don't you think?”

He reaches out and places a brief kiss on her knuckles over her lukewarm cappuccino.

“I prefer Marseille. Fewer tourists. One day perhaps you will forget about those secretive morons and let me take you there.”

“Can you even show your face there?” Alhabor asks with a raised eyebrow and Christophe chuckles, shrugging.

“Pictures get lost, money changes hands, files disappear… I wouldn’t worry.” The sly smile on his perfectly shaped mouth makes her heart beat ten times faster, but she tries to compose herself. This is work.

“You know that I do.” She takes a miniscule sip of the cappuccino. “Did you get what I asked for?”

Better to get this over with fast and get back on track. She tells herself she’ll have more time for Christophe and his charms once this assignment is completed. Deep down, she knows she’s lying to herself, but it makes her feel better.

“Most girls want flowers or diamonds or expensive perfume.” He grins as he reaches into the lining of his trench coat and retrieves a small box. She can’t help grinning in exchange when she takes it and quickly confirms its contents.

“Oh, you know I’m never one to turn down diamonds,” she teases, making the box disappear into her own coat. Their gloved fingers barely even touch at the exchange. “But as romantic gestures go, you’ve outdone yourself this time, my love.”

"Anything for you, mon coeur." His smile isn't as brilliant as it usually is and it makes her frown.

"What?"

"Is it true you have the Lazarus assignment?"

"Yeah, like I said." She tries to sound casual, but they both know she can't fool him. He reaches out and takes her hand before she can pull away. His grip is hard, insistent.

"Promise me you'll be careful," Christophe says quietly and she can feel her heart come to a full stop in her chest. "He's still dangerous."

She can't quite meet his eyes when she answers.

"I know. But the order is very clear. We need him back. The Wakandans may have tampered with his head, but there's no telling what might still be in there. We simply can't risk it."

"You really believe that, don't you?" He sighs and squeezes her hand, but he doesn't let go.

"Are you surprised?"

"I like to think I know you too well for that. Just please tell me you know what you're doing."

"Oh, don't worry, my love." Alhabor pats the inner pocket of her coat where the little box is now hidden. "It's all going according to plan now. And you of all people know how persuasive I can be."

Tags will be added in reblog ~

[bethhxrmon]

do flowers exist at night? -chapter two

Chapter Two: She Will (not) Do The Same For You

Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC

Chapter Summary: After the events of the party, Annie hopes for things to simply go back to normal. However, she is not so lucky. It doesn’t help that everything she has seen at home has yet to clear up either.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Swearing, sexual harassment, slut shaming, general angst, Billy being the literal worst, Annie doesn’t have a great time

A/N: Howdy, I hope everyone reading this is enjoying this as much as I am! Things are getting a bit more serious. If you like the story or would like to say something, I would love to here your feedback since it helps me stay motivated! And if this is the first part that you’ve seen, you can get caught up here!

~*~*~*~

There were two things Annie expected upon going to school the next day. Either showing off her ability to dance would leave her with several friends or she’d revert back to her state of obsolescence.

However, when people were clearly whispering around her, Annie couldn't help thinking something was off. It wasn't until some guy flipped up her skirt and grabbed her butt that she knew something was wrong.

In the moment she couldn't bring herself to say anything. The rush of pure adrenaline and anxiety made her want to collapse in on herself. By the time she plucked up the rage to turn around and say something, the guy was already too far down the hall for her to say anything.

Maybe it was just some jerk who thought it would be funny. Why that would be funny was beyond her. It left her wishing she were as invisible as she used to think she was.

The first half of the day ended up continuing with the same trend. No one talked to her and she had to actively ignore how people were staring at her. It was like when she first moved in and everyone acted like she didn't belong. She kind of wished everyone would go back to how things were yesterday. When no one looked at her or paid her any mind.

When her skirt got flipped up for the third time she went to her trigonometry teacher before sitting down.

"Hey um... I don't know what's going on but there're these guys who keep harassing me," she said, looking at the ground.

The teacher sighed, "Well, maybe if you wore a longer skirt or toned down that makeup this wouldn’t be an issue... you're lucky I don't give you detention for that."

Annie looked up at the teacher, seeing he had a rather bored, serious look on his face. Her mouth opened to try and get something in. The bell rang and cut off anything she could think to say.

It left her sitting in her seat, wishing she could shrink into nothing. At the very least she now just wanted to wash every bit of eyeliner and red lipstick off of her face. If she could have, she would have taken a chance to switch into sweats instead of her skirt and sweatshirt. Sure, she was wearing tights, but that didn’t seem to stop anyone.

As she walked to lunch, she was suddenly met with Billy walking up beside her, “Hey, you kinda ran off last night.”

“Um… yeah, I erm… I had to, well, you know-”

“Fuck around with Harrington? Figured as much,” he said.

Annie’s eyes widened, “What?! No I-”

“It’s okay, just try to not act like such a slut the next day, it’s embarrassing,” he murmured, reaching under her skirt and squeezing her butt before he walked off.

She stopped walking and leaned against the lockers, unable to breathe. There had to be something she could say, but no words came. A part of her wanted to scream for someone to do something.

Except she knew how that would end if she asked for help again.

When she got to her locker, she pulled out her coat and pulled it on. Never mind that it wasn’t longer than her skirt or how it was already warm in the school.

For once, she wished that she could get a chance to sit at her table alone. To just continue reading her book in peace. She sat her lunch tray down and threw on her headphones from her Walkman despite not playing anything. It made her look like she was in her own little world. 

Maybe if she pretended like no one was watching, they would just leave her alone.

That was wishful thinking as Carol showed up, sitting right next to her. Annie wanted to crawl into her jacket and hide. Was it too much to ask to be left alone?

“Hey, Hardwick, how was it last night? And don’t play dumb,” Carol said, taking off Annie’s headphones.

Annie stared up at her, “I um… I don’t know what you’re wanting me to say here.”

“Do you fuck every sad sap that crosses your path? Or is it just the popular ones?” she asked, pulling Annie’s book from her hand.

She reached in vain, “Hey! I really don’t know what you’re talking about, can you just give that back?”

“Come on, everyone knows you left the party last night with Steve Harrington and made him feel a bit better about his problems,” she replied, handing the book over to Tommy.

Annie’s face scrunched up a bit, “That’s not… that didn’t happen! Hey, careful with that!”

“Then maybe you should try telling everyone here the truth,” he said, starting to rip the paperback in half.

Annie shook her head, “What the hell?!”

“Yeah, what’s going on here?” Steve asked, coming up from behind Tommy and Carol, yanking the partially torn book from Tommy’s hands, “The show’s over, you got it?”

Annie just watched as the pair seemed to get the message and walk away. Then, Steve sat next to her, handing the book back to her.

He let out a sigh, “Sorry I got here a bit late. I guess it could be worse though.”

“Yeah… I guess,” she said, looking up at him, “Oh, um… how did things go with Nancy?”

Steve let out a bitter laugh, “Where to start… she didn’t remember any of it and she couldn’t even say she loved me. She couldn’t even lie about it, it’s all bullshit.”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” she said, looking down at her book, “Maybe you guys just need a bit of space? I don’t know, it’s not over, though, is it?”

He shook his head, “No, I just… I couldn’t deal with her right then. I still can’t.”

There was a long pause before he nodded at her book, “The Exorcist, huh? Isn’t that a movie?”

“Um yeah, it was a book first. It’s kinda scarier than the movie, but I don’t know, my imagination just kinda goes a bit crazy,” she said, still not quite looking at Steve.

He frowned a bit, “Hey, don’t worry about those assholes, okay? They know damn well nothing happened.” “That’s lovely,” she scoffed, finally glancing up at him, “Everyone else seems to think I’m some kind of slut that’ll do anything with anyone. People won’t stop talking about me and the guys? They keep smacking my ass like it’s some kind of game. It’s fucked up.”

Steve’s brow furrowed, “Well… well why don’t you tell someone?”

“You think I didn’t try?!” she exclaimed, her voice getting a bit higher, “All I got was being told that I was lucky to not get detention for dressing like a slut. And… I guess he might have a point.”

“Hey, that’s not true. You don’t deserve that, okay?”

“That’s a nice sentiment, but I’ve still gotta walk home and I still have to show up tomorrow and the day after that and… ugh just forget it,” she said, resting her forehead on the table.

He shook his head, “You don’t have to walk anywhere unless you really want that. Look, I’m not taking Nance anywhere at the moment. What if I drive you home today?”

“You’d do that?”

“It’s the least I could do, Annie. I might have some tape in my car too. It won’t fix your book great, but you’ll be able to finish it.”

“You’re sure you wanna do that? You don’t think it’ll ruin your chances with Nancy?”

Steve scoffed, “Come on, if there’s anyone who knows Tommy and Carol are full of it, it’s her. Now take the damn offer before I shove you into my car after school.”

Unable to come up with another excuse to decline the offer, the bell rang and she didn’t have much of a choice other than to accept. Which, she still wasn’t sure that Steve actually wanted to drive her home again. Wouldn’t that just make the rumors worse? Things already sounded pretty rough for him and Nancy without her getting involved.

Still, she got through the rest of the school day somehow. Her coat didn’t help all that much and she really just wished she could shrink back even more somehow. That was impossible, though.

Her mind couldn’t get onto the classes put in front of her. When she heard the bell ring to signal the end of the day, she wasn’t even sure Steve remembered. Not wanting to bother him on accident, she started to head out of the school on her own.

After shutting her locker, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Annie was quick to jump and reach into her coat pocket. Though, when she saw it was just Steve, she relaxed the slightest bit.

“Woah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, “Are you ready to go?”

Annie looked at Steve blankly for a moment before nodding, "Yeah, um... totally."

"Cool."

They walked towards his car in an awkward silence. Annie could feel the eyes of other students boring into her. Still, she just continued to walk like she normally would. If she could just act like nothing was happening, then maybe everyone would stop staring. Though, she had her eyes trained on her black vans more than anything else.

Steve couldn't get his BMW unlocked fast enough, and she got right into the passenger seat. Her backpack was on the floor just in front of her feet. Really, she was paying attention to everything except for the boy in the driver's side.

"Do you only talk when you're drunk?" he asked, turning the key to start the car.

She shook her head, "I was tipsy."

"Ah, a really big difference," he remarked as he pulled out of the parking lot, "So how do you do it?"

Annie arched a brow, "Do what?"

"Not notice everything happening around you. It's kinda impressive."

She laughed a bit, "It's called acting. I know everyone's talking shit and staring. Obviously it bothers me, but... I don't even know how I'd react to all of it if I... well, you know..."

"Acknowledged it?"

"Yeah, that," she nodded, "I mean, you're in pretty good shape for a guy who kinda got fucked over by his girlfriend."

Steve looked over at her for a second before shrugging nonchalantly, "It's called acting."

"Oh, whatever," she rolled her eyes though she was smiling a bit.

He laughed, "So, were you just gonna walk everywhere for the whole school year?"

"Probably."

"Even when it's snowing?"

She shrugged, "I guess? I've never really dealt with snow, actually."

"Okay, then you're not walking. You're close enough to my place, I can pick you up and all that," he insisted.

"What about Nancy?" she asked, though she wasn't sure things would continue for much longer with the pair.

He shrugged, "You're my friend. I'll drive you until you find someone else to do it for you."

"Oh, alright. You don't have to, you know."

"Just take the offer, okay?" he responded as he pulled up to her driveway.

She smiled a bit, "Okay, fine."

"I'll be over here at seven thirty. If you're not out here, you're walking," he said, grinning.

Annie shook her head, "Whatever, see you tomorrow."

With that, she grabbed her things and got out of the car. In minutes, she was back in her house. The only other living thing in the house was Erik. Looking around the living room, she saw her cat resting on the couch.

She pulled her partially-ripped book from her backpack and sighed. There had to be tape around somewhere so she wouldn't make it worse as she read it. The moment still played in her head over and over. In fact, the whole day was on a loop.

There was some duct tape in a drawer. When her book was taped up, she went to the bathroom to wash off her makeup. Maybe it wasn't helping her. Maybe she did put on too much eyeliner. The lipstick could afford to be toned down, and she just wouldn't wear that skirt again.

It took a few minutes of scrubbing to get all the makeup off, but even then she couldn't justify everything in her mind. What made any of that okay? She couldn't really go to anyone. Sure, what Steve did was great, but was it too much to wish she could have stood up for herself? If she could be half as witty as the people she read about or pretended to be in drama class would be a dream come true.

The sun was going down earlier and earlier as the fall slowly became winter. She was beginning to hate having to rely on the lights more and more every day. Ever since her mom left for her business trip, power outages happened. Whatever it was she was seeing when they happened was something she chose to ignore. Who was she going to tell? To the best of people, she would just be lying. At worst, she'd be considered insane. And maybe she was, she couldn't figure that out herself.

As she continued to get through her book, it seemed more and more apparent that reading a horror novel was a horrible idea. Even with some music in the background, that didn't change the odd environment in the house. Her cat even seemed a bit stressed, running up and down the hall.

Still, nothing was going to make her chicken out of finishing the book. Except for the flickering lamp she was using to see what she was reading. She swore under her breath as the power shut off again. 

"Just relax... it's nothing, everything you see is totally meaningless. Your eyes are playing tricks on you. It's fine," she told herself.

This time, there were dark vines all over the living room. She got up and walked to the kitchen, hoping to find a knife. Sure enough, she was able to get one. There wasn't anything there, though. Nothing except for the vines and herself. She couldn't even hear her own cat. 

Then, the lights came on just as suddenly as they shut off and the phone was ringing. Annie rushed over to pick it up, the knife still in her hand. For a moment, she couldn't help wondering if someone was doing this to her.

"Um... hello?" she answered, clenching the knife.

A breath of relief left her when the voice of her mom came on the other end, "Annie, I'm just calling to make sure everything's alright."

"Yeah, totally. I've been going to school, feeding the cat, all that good stuff," she said.

"Good, nothing too crazy going on over there?"

"Nah, it's um... pretty boring, actually."

They talked like that for a few more minutes. Annie didn't want to worry her mom with a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't actually happening. That was the last thing she wanted to do. Surely all this would blow over. Rumors and delusions and anything in between. It had to solve itself because she didn't know what that would mean otherwise.

Tag List (please tell me if you would like to be on it): @dungeons-and-demodogs​ @jxnehxpper​ @ilovebucketbarnes​

[percywinchester27]

@caughtaghostsomehow reblogged your post A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-26) and added:

I feel so goddamned sorry for Sam. He was ready to listen to Jess's advice and at least try to rekindle whatever he had with his wife but then Meg put this idea in his head that he's hurting her and he's not gonna let it go unless he hears from her lips that she wants him in her life. And who knows when that's gonna happen? She probably already noticed him being distant and she has no way of knowing what caused it so how would she even talk to him about it?

 And poor Max... I know Sam feels awful with what he's doing to him but he feels it's necessary so that his wife and son don't end up even more hurt but holy shit it's really not going well. I know Max is hurting too and I definitely understand why he's angry with Sam. And Y/N is probably worried about the boy as well... She got a message telling her he's fine but come on... She's probably wondering what happened suddenly that Max didn't come visit. It's an all around messy situation with literally everybody getting hurt in the process.

Yeah, she’ll eventually notice... I mean there’s only so much Sam can do to keep them apart. She’s bound to get suspicious at some point. The problem is that everyone is going off half information here- for the reader it’s hard facts that she doesn’t know and in Sam’s case, it’s the emotions. 

I was taken aback by 2011 Sam... His wife leaving changed him into a completely different person. I like how we get to see him notice that people are reacting to him differently but the fact he hadn't noticed before? I knew he was incredibly hurt when she left but fuck, this did him a lot more damage than I originally thought. He's so... Calloused. And sharp and intimidating. A real stereotype of a lawyer. Also... The fact he didn't do pro bono cases? You managed to convey so much about Sam in that period of time in only just a few sentences and it's incredible. I wonder what would've happened if he never met Max... If he'd stay this way or manage to overcome the pain he's been living with on his own.... Max really did save him.

This was what I was telling you about? Him becoming dispassionate and insensitive. And the only way to actually know you’ve become a heartless person is to see yourself through other people’s eyes. He wasn’t gonna wake up to some divine intervention telling him, ‘hey you’re a jerk now!’ Thank you so much for saying that! I thought that might be the best way to put forth how different he was because we’ve all seen him being so careful for James’s pro bono and it was an independent case. 

Hmmm... I’ve given it some thought and I think he’d let his anger for the reader fester any more than that, and he hadn’t found Max when he did, maybe the change would have been permanent. If he’d met her later in life, instead of the anger he was feeling at the beginning of the series, he’d have felt utter contempt and hatred. Now THAT would have been angsty :P

A brief mention of Chase because I like him more and more with every chapter 😁 I can see why Sam and him became friends. And Stacy! She seems genuinely lovely, I feel so sorry that she had to deal with Sam's mood swings.

Hahahaa I like how everyone (my beta, that is) saw all that chaotic good energy went like, ‘Yep! Checks out! That’s definitely Chase’ I mean you guys don’t even have a doubt! Yup, Stacey is pretty cool. There’s very little of their interaction outside of the memories, but, it all adds something to the story.

I had a feeling that Max never really had proper parents but this still hurt to read. The fact that a maid cared for him because no one else would... And he was literally hiding in the closet when his parents were murdered. They didn't deserve that title but still, I'm so glad he didn't actually see it happen or find their bodies... Poor baby.

Max has gone through so much in such a short life I had to stop and take a breather while reading. No wonder everyone falls in love with him when they meet him, he's such a sweet boy despite all the pain life brought him. I'm so glad he found a real family in Sam... They really ended up saving each other.

No, he didn’t. Sam’s right about that bit- how Max had no clue what parents were supposed to be like. He had to go through extensive therapy, but because he was that young, he didn’t understand a lot of the emotional trauma he experienced (thank God!) only the physical trauma became an instinct. And yeah, it’s actually good that he was ignored, because otherwise he’d have been in that room and either seen the murders or worse. 

I think that bit brought down Sam more than anything from his callous high. That a kid that small, having suffered through so much bullshit could still be that nice... he was an adult with sensibilities. I’m glad they ended up finding each other, too! He’s been a pleasure to write.

That moment when Sam saw the emptiness in Max's eyes and almost had a panic attack... Jeeze that hurt. I know he had his wife before his eyes when he saw that little boy's expression and the fact that he had this visceral of a reaction remembering that time? My heart is breaking. I wonder if Y/N was already working then... Or where she was in life. I have my own head canons about that but I'll only tell you if we don't end up finding out a bit about her past too 😁

I also love how Sam interacts with Max. I love that he treats him with kindness and speaks to him gently but doesn't dismiss his intelligence. He can clearly see the boy is incredibly clever.

You caught that, huh? ;) You smart, smart girl! I was contemplating whether to refer to the reader explicitly in that part, then let it slide. I mean, sure he could go off being the heartless lawyer, but it’s because he is hurting SO much inside and burying it. One time he slipped and allowed himself to remember, the pain was staggering. 

Ummm I think the reader was in college for Pre-law in Texas and working part-time. I think. We’re not getting anymore of the reader’s backstory... just a vague timeline of her academic/ professional achievements. You’re free to spin your own headcanons. They’ll probably be more on point than mine XD

I don’t know much about parenting, but I do believe that’s how you should treat kids- with respect. Maybe Sam’s attitude as a dad was what helped Max heal the most.

So this is probably why it became his favourite book, huh? I wonder how many times Sam read it to him. Something in my heart definitely tightened when Sam had to stop reading cause the last time he probably opened that book was when he read it to his wife... Oh that hurts.

I breezed through this chapter, Ana, I need more like now 😫😂

But seriously, I loved it so so so much. I'm so happy were getting to see more of Sam's life after she left and Max's story. I can't wait for the next chapter, I wanna know everything 😁❤❤❤

Yep yep yep! Nothing there is coincidence. Sam didn’t remove the book from his phone cause he just couldn’t bear to do it. And Max probably started associating the book to the first safe place he’s ever known- Sam presence. Also, YOU CAUGHT THAT! Sam’s pause! You’re in MY HEAD! While you’re there, please help me with that design brief as well :P

THANK YOU SO MUCH, Ria! I swear your reblogs add years to my design brief ridden life. Next chapter is a slightly bigger bomb ;) I can tell you now that you’ll like that one, too, if you liked this! 

I love you so much <3

[kainumbernine009]

I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

[daysswithyou]

Fallen Chapter 25: Done deal

previous / next

Characters: DAY6 Young K x OC (Rachel)

Warning!: Cursing and swearing

------

The moment Younghyun got the notification and saw the video – the first person he thought of was you. Not Ayeon whom he wanted to ruin, not about his reputation that’s been tarnished – but you.

You who must be hurting now because of him,

You who must be forced to relive your nasty breakup with Jaebeom,

You who must have lost all your faith in him.

And that last part scared him the most. He can’t lose you now, not when he’s grown to love you. You’ve made him feel safe, loved and cherished – and you deserved to feel the same way with someone that knew how to truly love you. Yet… he failed to give you that. Pushing his crippling thoughts to the back of his mind, Younghyun set off in search of you, dialling your number repeatedly only to be met with a voicemail message. He expected as much – you were probably too angry to hear him out. He tried dialling the entire team – those that picked up either did not know where you were, or he was sent straight to voicemail again. Younghyun was getting desperate, until he overheard conversation from Mr Kim as he was passing by the lobby.

“Rachel Hwang? Yes, that’s my student. She’s at the Sacred Hearts Hospital with Esther and Jae Park? Thank you, I will head over immediately to check on her and inform her guardian.”

Before Mr Kim turned to face Younghyun, Younghyun was already running towards the hospital. He remembered seeing it on the way to the resort, it’s not far from here… he’ll be able to reach you shortly. But how on earth did you end up in the hospital?

---

Younghyun burst through the doors of the hospital and bumped into a few people in the process, hastily throwing apologies over his shoulders as he earned a few scowls from the staff. He reached the front desk counter and slapped a hand on the counter for support as he gulped in large breaths of air. The sound startled the service staff behind the desk, and they raised their eyebrows at Younghyun for the poor impression that he’s made.

Straightening his back and looking into the eyes of the service staff – whom looked thoroughly pissed at him by the way – Younghyun finally got his question out.

“Rachel Hwang… I’m here to see her.”

“Patient confidentiality sir. Unless you can prove that you’re her family, I cannot give you this information.”

“I’m- I’m her boyfriend. I know the friends she came with, Jae Park and Esther. Mr Kim is my teacher.”

The service staff deemed that information enough to let Younghyun through.

“Level 2, room 208.”

“Thank you!”

Without even waiting for a reply from the service staff, Younghyun bounded up the steps two at a time, not even bothering to wait for the lift.

---

Jae left the room for a short while to get drinks for himself and Esther. Esther too had cried herself dry once Rachel was fast asleep and she needed to replenish the fluids lost. As he waited for the vending machine to finish dispensing the bottled water, Jae heard the sound of someone frantically climbing up the steps. He wondered who on earth was causing such a huge commotion in a hospital and when his head turned, the bottled water was forgotten as Jae rushed forward to stop Younghyun from entering the room. Younghyun didn’t see Jae coming – too focused on getting to you – and he only felt someone slam into him, and the impact sent him stumbling back a few feet. He was about to swear at whoever blocked him but the words promptly died in his throat when he realised that it was Jae.

“Jae, how is she? I’m going to see Rachel now, talk later.”

Younghyun attempted to move past Jae but Jae held him in place by the collar of his shirt. Jae’s eyes stared dead into Younghyun’s, his eyes looking like 2 bottomless pits.

“Jae, what are you doing? Let go of me, I need to see her now.”

“No. If you go in there now, Esther will beat you into a pulp and I will not save you.”

“I swear, it’s not what you think it is, which is why I have to explain myself.”

“Explain it to who? To fuming mad Esther that will no longer listen to you? Or an unconscious Rachel that cannot even hear you?”

“Rachel… is… unconscious?”

“Yes, it’s that bad. You better come with me and hide yourself, don’t let Esther see you. I’ve never seen her so angry in my life.”

With a hand still on Younghyun’s collar, Jae dragged Younghyun into a quiet stairwell, making sure that the door is shut tight before turning to Younghyun.

“Brian, what the hell was that video all about? Do you know how badly that affected Rachel? I never thought someone could look that… broken. We found her bloodied and bruised, and she literally cried herself unconscious due to the exhaustion. Do you know that you really… broke her heart?”

Younghyun’s heart clenched at Jae’s words – not only were you emotionally hurt, but physically ruined as well. Who hurt you? He caused you pain, but worse still, he could not protect you from the harm or ease your pain. His voice wavered when he tried to speak, but the words came out eventually.

“What happened to her? How did she get all bloodied and bruised?”

“We don’t know. She did not have enough energy to tell us before she passed out. That aside, you and Ayeon… are you really back… with her? After all that she’s done to you?”

Jae spat out Ayeon’s name like it was some vile venom, fearing what the younger would say next. If Younghyun was really back with Ayeon, Jae would first, whack the younger on the head and second, lose all faith in him forever.

“No, of course not. I’m never going back to Ayeon. That video was a mistake. I did it to protect Rachel. Ayeon threatened to buy over the café unless I gave her what she wanted… I couldn’t see Rachel’s hard work all go to waste so I agreed. But I swear nothing happened.”

“You two really did not…”

“No Jae, we didn’t. Almost, but no. I rather stab myself a thousand times over than commit to that act with her. Whatever you saw in that video was as far as we went. I didn’t even place my hands on her until she grabbed them and forced them upon herself. But I broke it off immediately because I felt too disgusted to carry on. I worried that Ayeon would really come for Rachel because I didn’t keep to the agreement. But I guess that really wasn’t her goal all along.”

“Clearly it wasn’t. She just needed the video to make her story convincing, and you sent yourself right into the tiger’s den. How stupid can you be? ”

“I know Jae, I know! I know I messed up and I feel stupid, but I was left with no choice. Berating me now isn’t going to help with damage control. But I swear Jae, you have to believe me. I’m really not back with Ayeon, and I have no intentions to.”

Jae sighed deeply before running a hand across his face.

“Brian, you don’t get it.”

“What am I missing?”

“This isn’t about me, it isn’t about you. It’s about you and Rachel, it’s about her, what the both of you have. It doesn’t matter if I believe you. She has to believe you and be the one to forgive you. If not…”

Jae doesn’t have to complete the sentence for Younghyun to know what he’s referring to.

“I understand.”

“Good. Leave and don’t come back. Don’t go back to Rachel until she asks to see you again. If you force her to see you, she’ll just hate you more.”

“But I need to – ”

“I’ll inform you when she’s awake and I’ll update you on her progress – just so you know that she’s alright. Don’t let Esther see you as well, I don’t know when her anger will subside.”

“Got it, thanks Jae…”

“Good, now leave Brian.”

Jae clapped Younghyun on the shoulder before returning to the room. Any longer and Esther might raise suspicions. Younghyun heard Jae greeting Mr Kim outside the stairwell as Jae led Mr Kim to the room. Meanwhile, Younghyun has got other business to attend to.

More specifically, someone.

---

Younghyun bade his time waiting for Ayeon outside her room, his eyes practically searing holes into her room. He smelt her sickeningly sweet perfume before he felt her hand on his shoulder. He had to fight the urge to shudder and rip her hands off him. This was thoroughly revolting.

Placing her lips by his ear, she whispered seductively: “Hey handsome.”

Ok that’s it. In one swift movement, Younghyun jerked his head away from her, now towering over her as he straightened his back.

“Phone.”

“You aren’t even going to greet me, Brian? Tsk, how rude.”

“I won’t ask twice.”

Without another word, Younghyun lunged for Ayeon’s phone that was currently resting in the palm of her hands and he got it with ease.

“What the hell Brian! Stop what you’re doing!”

Driven by sheer determination, Brian did what he came to do whilst ignoring all her advances and yells. Scrolling through her phone, Brian found the video with ease, and permanently deleted all traces of the video from her phone and the school app. But he wasn’t quite done yet.

“Why did you do that?”

“I want my phone back back first.”

“ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION AYEON!”

Younghyun roared, certain that the entire building could hear him with the sheer volume that he was using. He didn’t care if people took more photos and videos to ruin his reputation – it was already tarnished enough, and he could care less about what others thought of him. Ayeon, clearly shaken by his fierce side that she had never seen before, tried to put up a strong front but Youghyun could see through it. He could see her pupils shaking, hear her voice wavering. Ayeon was all bark, but no bite. To think that he once genuinely liked her – if he ever saw his younger self now, he would have punched that bastard for having such deplorably poor taste and disgusting naivety.  

“You want answers? Fine! If I can’t have you, no one will. You are mine, and mine only.”

Ayeon attempted to grab Younghyun’s collar but he slapped her hands away harshly. He would no longer be controlled by her. Younghyun scoffed at her words, he really couldn’t believe his ears anymore. Who still said such words – in this day and age?

“Listen clearly, and you better remember it well. You will never have me – not now, and not ever again in the future. You might have had my heart once but not anymore. You ruined me – ”

To prove his point, Younghyun brings Ayeon’s phone up to his face, and he heard the screen crack from the sheer force of his fingers.

“And you have the audacity to ask for me back? How shameless can you be Ayeon? You don’t damage someone then come asking for their forgiveness by hurting them again. You’ve only known how to do bad things in your life – you take advantage of them, hurt them and ruin them. You shouldn’t be allowed to do that anymore.”

With no warning whatsoever, Younghyun swung his hand back and launched Ayeon’s phone out of the window. Both watched as the phone got smashed into smithereens once it collided with the pavement – Younghyun with a stoic face and Ayeon with a look of horror on her face as she watched her new phone disintegrate into pieces. She just bought it before the trip… Turning to him with barely contained rage, she began to yell profanities at him.

“Fuck you Brian! FUCK YOU!”

Brian regarded her outburst with an expressionless face – the face of a men that truly had zero care for her. He might have been scared of her once – but not anymore, and never again. Dropping his lips to her ear, Younghyun sneered.

“Remember this feeling. Remember it forever. This is what it felt like when you thrashed my apartment that night months ago – small, insignificant, afraid. This phone is just a warning. The next time you lay your hands on Rachel, or anyone else that I care for, it’ll be more than just your phone that’s getting destroyed.”

Ayeon is left paralysed with fear at his words. Without waiting for Ayeon to grace him with a response, Younghyun walked away from the scene before he lost all control and potentially did something that he regretted. His phone buzzed in his pocket – a message from Jae:

Hey man, she’s awake. Doc said she’s doing well, still a little shaken though. Don’t come over yet, just wait till she’s willing to see you.

And so Younghyun waited. But that day never came.

For the rest of the trip, Younghyun was left with no way to contact you given that your phone was spoilt. You spent it cooped up in your room, keeping yourself entertained with a book that you brought along with you – thankfully. If you had to leave the room, Esther was always with you so Younghyun would have no chance to talk to you. You wouldn’t even spare him a glance, and Esther was still sending him death glares. It was frustrating, but he would have to wait longer. You however… had no intention of ever forgiving him or talking to him again. After all, you didn’t need confirmation to know that you’ve already broken up – it was plain for all to see.

The deal was long over before you knew it even was.