#doesn't help been having bouts of sadness this week

[1d1195]

Dolcezza II

Read the first part here: Dolcezza

Glad we liked the first part so much! More tooth-rotting cuteness, sweetness, fluff, and the tiniest bit of angst.

This part (as is tradition with my second parts) doesn't really make a whole lot of cohesive sense, but the next parts should be a little more put together as a whole.

~6.7k words

“I think I would let her break m’heart,” he told Niall while they cleaned the kitchen at the end of the night about a month after she had moved in. His infatuation never wavered. But he admired her from afar. “I’d thank her,” he smiled to himself as he pretended the gravity of such a statement was a joke. Not nearly as big a deal as Niall knew it to be.

He knew he was staring. From the second he laid eyes on her, the staring started. There was no other way to describe what had happened. Harry was overwhelmed with how pretty she looked. She emanated beauty and kindness like perfume. Harry was sick with how much he adored it. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was her sole purpose in life just to look so beautiful and make him, specifically, speechless. Principessa rolled off his tongue the moment he saw her. Even though she was stunned and uttering a sad little sound of injury that he regrettably caused when she tumbled to the ground. It was instinctive. She was a princess. It was obvious.

But after only a few moments of time spent together... Maybe it was only obvious to everyone but her.

Or maybe Harry was just so overwhelmed it was just one of those things. He wasn’t kidding when he told her. Compulsive. It seemed wrong to call her anything but Principessa.

In the time that she moved in, to the present, Harry was the butt of most jokes when it came to his infatuation with her. “Is that our Principessa?” Niall teased Harry frequently. Especially when he looked longingly out the front window. The restaurant was set up so there was an opening from the kitchen peering over the main room. It wasn’t the biggest restaurant in the world, but people lined up on the sidewalk in any weather every Thursday, Friday, Saturday night without fail. The other nights were comfortably busy, and Harry was so grateful to work in a place as nice as this. Antonio was the best boss and Niall was one of his best friends.

Even more of a reason Niall teased Harry when the pretty girl got in and out of her car parked out front of the building with her phone pressed to her ear or something on her hip carrying it up the steps to her place. It took every ounce of Harry’s self-control not to run out there and take her stuff from her in the middle of cooking something every time he saw her so that he could help her.

Harry knew Niall was kidding but he didn’t like the way he said it. The teasing didn’t feel nice, and she deserved—no needed—everything that had to do with her be the nicest and sweetest thing in the world. “Ni, she’s so pretty and sweet,” he reminded him as they chopped the veggies for the day. Niall smirked at his friend who was staring at carrots and onions like they were the features of her face.

“She is pretty,” he nodded knowingly, toning down the sound of teasing in his voice. It was nice to hear Harry talk about someone like that. It had been a long while since he cared for someone the way he seemed to care for her already. Niall saw how captivated Harry was by her the second he saw her. He knew his friend was totally done for; but it was nice.

For a number of years (and after several bad bouts of heartache) Harry claimed he didn’t have time to fall in love. He worked six nights a week. On his day off, he often found himself at the restaurant anyway because his best friends were there. Work didn’t feel like work for Harry. So, dating would have been a distraction, a complication. Something Harry couldn’t fathom because of how busy his work kept him.

But Niall knew it was really that Harry thought it was too much to bear another heartbreak. Heartbreak that may not even happen, as Niall liked to point out. But Harry couldn’t see it that way.

Not until she was there, knocking Harry off his feet literally and figuratively.

“I think I would let her break m’heart,” he told Niall while they cleaned the kitchen at the end of the night about a month after she had moved in. His infatuation never wavered. But he admired her from afar. “I’d thank her,” he smiled to himself as he pretended the gravity of such a statement was a joke. Not nearly as big a deal as Niall knew it to be.

Harry thought it was fate he always managed to catch sight of her whenever she was outside the restaurant; usually at her car grabbing something or putting it away. Other times, when she entered the restaurant, he was always able to see her kindly holding the door for an older couple or waving to a small child. Harry thought it was some unknown power that drew him to her and made him catch her eye every time she was within vision and distance.

She gave a wave to the host and sauntered through the main room to get to the bar just on the other side of the opening to the kitchen. A perfect view for him to admire her while he peeled veggies for Niall to chop throughout the night.

“Hi Principessa,” he smiled at her through the opening from the kitchen, just as he did every time that she situated herself in his view. Maybe Harry was reading into it. He knew he was a little lovesick with the idea of her. He tried to dial it back as much as possible so as not to scare her. But there were some things he simply couldn’t help.

On Wednesdays, she sat at the bar, ordered a drink, and ate some food. She always asked for a side of extra garlic bread and always asked if she could have a bigger portion (the angel she was, she promised she would of course pay more; she just wanted some for lunch the next day). Harry loved Wednesdays so he could gaze at her extensively from that opening to the kitchen. She usually read a book or chatted with whoever was bartending. Every so often, she would strike up a conversation with someone near her making them fall hopelessly in love with her as well. It was usually a sweet older woman who wanted to set her up with her son who was much too young for her.

Harry couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that wracked his body when someone else flirted with her. There was a bit of possessiveness to his infatuation, but he was good at separating himself from it. She wasn’t his and it was okay. If she wanted to date someone, it had nothing to do with him. He would continue to admire her from afar.

But then she would make eye contact with him. He was already looking at her and her eyelids would droop a little and she would look up at him shyly through the prettiest eyelashes he had ever seen, and he hadn’t once thought about eyelashes in his entire life. “Hi Harry,” she smiled so prettily, it made his stomach flip. He felt like a child, the way his cheeks warmed to hear his name on her lips. He busied himself with another task—stirring the tomato sauce to keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pot while it simmered. If he could, he would have stared through that opening and watched her the whole time.

Harry was considering quitting his kitchen job so he could be a bartender on Wednesdays just to be another ten feet closer to her. If it weren’t for her kind smile and her sweet voice, Harry would think he was being a bit of an overwhelming presence. But other than making sure all her furniture was properly anchored, he tried to maintain a normal distance from her and only asked her how she was doing each time he saw her. The last thing Harry wanted was to worry her about his presence in her life. Yes, he was effectively in love with her just at first glance. But he wasn’t so enveloped in the feeling that he couldn’t separate himself from it. He would much rather be friends with her than scare her with unwanted attention.

“Go talk to her, it’s slow,” Niall encouraged.

Harry didn’t need to be told twice and hurried to behind the bar and made small talk with her. It took a half hour, and her smile made his stomach churn in the best way. He hadn’t felt this way in so long and he was so glad she was there.

It was unbelievably easy to talk to her. They talked about the restaurant and how her job was going. It was nice she didn’t have to commute far and got to work from home most of the week. She inquired about the coffee shop up the road and if he had any good recommendations for shopping. Harry leaned against the bar and handed over the food from Niall from the window. She asked him if this is what he always wanted to do. He wasn’t sure but he liked it a lot and for now couldn’t imagine doing anything else. He attended culinary school and Antonio was one of the guest chefs in one of his classes. Harry took to him immediately and wanted to work for him and help however he could. He took over the old Italian bakery that was here before him, from his parents and turned it into Dolcezza and while he kept a lot of recipes it was nice to make it a place of his own.

Harry wanted to spend the rest of his life at the bar gazing at the pretty girl while she ate her eggplant parmesan and garlic bread. He wanted to ask her more about herself. Because Harry got the feeling that people didn’t really check on her. There was also an uncomfortable look in her eye when he asked about her job and her life. It was more evident by the moving herself in nearly alone.

“D’you need help with anything, kitten?” He asked.

The furrow between his eyebrows made her want to reach out and smooth the wrinkle there. Harry seemed distraught. But the idea that he was asking if she needed anything made her uncomfortable in a way that was hard to explain. Her parents relied on her a lot—the oldest of three. Her younger siblings relied on her a lot too. Her sister was always sending her essays to read. Her brother asked her for help on his math assignments at least once a week.

They lived more than an hour away from her and the only time she saw them was when she was the one going to visit them. While there, it made her anxious to see her sister leave their parents’ house, a mess from all of her belongings spread on every available surface. Visiting her brother made her anxious for a multitude of other reasons. She thought he was on the fast track to a drinking problem and was constantly reminding him of such to the point he would say things like “don’t worry, Mom.”

She loved her family. There was no question about it. But it was nice to have space between them. It was hard to move away during college and watch them struggle for a few months without her presence to essentially keep everyone in line. Her mother called her the project coordinator of the family. Stuff didn’t get done without her. It felt like she had to tell her mom and dad how to parent her younger siblings a lot of the time. It was exhausting.

So, space was good, regardless of how much she worried about them and their ability to take care of themselves.

As for her friends, Eleanor moving away was worse than any heartbreak she had ever experienced. It was fresh still and she felt really alone without her there to paint her toes or read trashy romance novels while they had spa nights where Louis would bring them pizza. Other than Eleanor, her friends walked all over her. Eleanor watched it firsthand and was happy to tell her it was happening.

She had to separate herself from the group as well—especially once they finished school because if she didn’t, she would probably be cooking dinner for some of them each week or doing their grocery shopping because they were too lazy.

She had done everything on her own for most of her life. She rarely even asked Eleanor for anything. Eleanor usually forced her help onto her which was a necessity in Eleanor’s eyes.

So no. She didn’t need Harry’s help with anything.

But she sort of wished she did, just so he would chat with her for longer.

“Hey Harry,” Niall called through the window. Harry took a quick glance around the restaurant seeing the dinner rush filling in quickly. Unfortunately, he had to get back to Niall’s side and leave her.

He enjoyed talking to her so much, enjoying her gentle laughter. He wanted to give her a kiss good night.

For as long as he could remember, Harry’s favorite color was always orange or blue. But now his favorite color was pink—the color of her cheeks whenever he flirted with her. “Have a good night, Principessa,” he smiled. A wink to replace a kiss he so desperately wanted caused the color to flood her cheeks and he was so grateful that he got to see that pretty, favorite color of his.

“Night, Harry,” she looked so utterly pretty it made him feel like he was melting.

*

Leonardo was Antonio’s four-year-old little boy. He was full of energy and life and made the restaurant a mess when he was around. His skin was olive-toned and with dark wavy hair. He looked like the prince of Italy and acted like it when he arrived.

It was all hands-on deck when he was around. One second without supervision he would be under a table in the main room or sneaking a meatball from the sauce in the kitchen on a plate ready to be served. At least, that’s how it usually was. Today, Leo was situated at the bar coloring in an activity book with the help of the sweet angel that Harry didn’t think he could possibly love more. But somehow here she was, a delight with kids and another piece of Harry was completely captured by her lovely persona.

“Hey Leo, who’s y’pretty date?” Harry asked ruffling his hair as he passed into the kitchen. Leo held up the book, a few of the markers he was using fell to the floor. He winked at the sweet girl as she hopped down from her seat to grab them. Her face turned that gorgeous pink he dreamed about at his sweet words and the little gesture he made toward her. She grinned back at him with a little eye roll at his kind compliment.

Leo giggled sweetly as he showed off his coloring book. “We’re coloring.”

“Oh? S’lovely. Can y’color something for me t’hang in the kitchen?” Harry asked. He nodded excitedly and went to work on the next page. “Y’on Leo duty?”

“M’babysitting,” Leo explained before she could get a word out.

“Excusa,” Harry chuckled. “You’re babysitting, Leo?” Harry repeated, while she put the markers back in front of Leo and got back into her seat.

“He is,” she smirked. “Mumma and Dadda came in to eat with Leo. Their sitter cancelled and they mentioned they haven’t been on a date since they found out about the baby almost four months ago,” she explained. “So, I asked if Leo would want to keep me company tonight.”

Harry’s heart warmed as it always did because of her kindness. Selflessness. It was overwhelming. “S’nice, Principessa.”

“Prin-pessa?” Leo asked, his little lisp messing up the nickname. He turned his attention back to the girl beside him with wide eyes. She shook her head at Harry.

“Oh yeah, Leo,” Harry nodded affirmatively ignoring her little brush off—noticing that her cheeks were once more warming at his nickname for her. “Don’t y’think she looks like a princess?”

He nodded in agreement. She rolled her eyes again, but the smile and pink of her cheeks remained on her face, which made Harry feel like he had won the lottery. “I’m hungry,” Leo told her.

“Yeah? Want some spaghetti?” She asked.

He nodded. “Can I help make it?”

She glanced behind her at the rush of people coming in and knew that a little one in the kitchen would not be ideal. “Hmm...I think we better let Harry take care of dinner. But after you eat, we can head upstairs and make something yummy for dessert. How’s that sound?”

He nodded. “So, we can keep coloring?”

“Absolutely.”

Harry didn’t want to cook. He didn’t want to move from that window and move his gaze away from the angel sitting at the bar. She was too good and Harry was too in love. It seemed impossible that he would get anything done for the rest of his life if she was going to be around.

But he wouldn’t want her anywhere else.

*

Leo was getting cranky toward the end of the night. He wanted to see his mom and dad and she was struggling to maintain a bit of control. He was in a t-shirt she had from a 5k she and Eleanor had walked for charity. He was missing his mom and dad, and she knew it wasn’t going to be easy to keep him calm until they came to pick him up. By then, he would be sound asleep.

Hopefully.

“Do you want to watch a movie, honey?” She asked as he got more teary and grumpier by the second.

He shook his head. She could see the frustration in his little body. She frowned at his response. “Hey, Leo?” She said softly. “I know you’re upset and you’re missing Mommy and Daddy. We gotta pass the time a little bit so they’ll be back faster. Can you think of something you’d like to do while we wait?”

“Can we color more?”

She had left the coloring supplies at the restaurant. Leo had his own little cubby out back in the staff room behind the kitchen. Harry had brought it back there for her after they left to make their cupcakes. It didn’t seem like something she needed when she moved in because she hadn’t necessarily planned on babysitting. But now she was already considering her Target run tomorrow to get activities the next time she offered to watch Leo.

She was quick on her feet though. “Yeah, let me just...see if Harry can bring it up.”

As she dialed on her phone to call the restaurant, she wondered who would answer. By now she had lived above the Italian oasis for nearly three months. They all knew her name and she was surprised they didn’t have her number saved. “Dolcezza Ristorante, how can I help you?”

“Hi...uh...can I talk to Harry?”

“Harry?” The voice asked curiously. She didn’t know who it was unfortunately. She was hoping it would be one of Antonio’s nephews but alas. She could tell the girl at the other end of the line didn’t like that she was requesting Harry’s attention.

She felt a wave of awkwardness wash over her. “Err...yeah.”

There was a bit of silence, some chatter as whoever answered walked toward the kitchen. She could hear the clanging of dishes and pans, the dishwasher humming as she got closer. There was a muffled exchange of words. “Me?” Her face warmed at the sound of the voice that she was certain she could pick out of a crowd. It made her feel ridiculous that she recognized Harry’s voice.

Even more ridiculous that her heart skipped a beat at the sound of it as well.

“Hello?” He sounded confused as he answered. But his voice sounded so warm. Like someone reading a bedtime story to her. Even though he only spoke one word.

“Hi Harry,” she smiled into the phone.

There was a loud clang from his end as something clearly toppled to the floor. There was an uproar of voices shouting and a few curse words. She had to pull the phone away from her ear at the noise and she glanced at Leo briefly. She was grateful he was feigning calmness as he waited utterly patiently—especially for a for a four-year-old, close to bed time, and missing his mom and dad. “Uh...sorry... Hi, Principessa,” he murmured. “Y’okay? Something wrong?” He asked nervously.

There was a pang of adoration for someone that cared about her well-being. No one ever really worried about her. Except for Eleanor. It wasn’t her fault but there was only so much Eleanor could worry about from a plane ride away. “No, no... we’re fine,” she promised. “Just...I hate to bother you, but if you have a minute, could you bring the coloring book up here? Leo’s missing Mommy and Daddy and wants to color some more to pass the time till they get here,” she explained.

“Oh, yeah. ‘Course,” the sound of the kitchen dissipated as he walked toward that back room to get Leo’s book. “I’ll be right up,” the phone call ended and shortly after she heard his footsteps coming up the steps and a gentle knock on the door.

She hurried to open it, Leo following behind her and peering from behind her legs. There Harry was, leaning against the door frame. Looking like a model even though he was holding a children’s coloring book. “Hi Principessa,” he smiled brightly.

“Hi Harry,” she grinned and knelt beside Leo. “Can you say thank you to Harry?” She asked.

He looked up at Harry. “Thanks, Harry,” his lower lip stuck out and he sniffled rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

“No problem, lad... y’okay? Y’miss Mummy and Daddy?” He nodded, looking at the floor and turned into her embrace to hide the tears as he sniveled. She rubbed her hand along her back. Harry crouched in front of them as well. She frowned and Harry reached out to smooth his hair down. “I know y’miss them, but y’get t’hang out with this pretty Principessa and color. And when y’go t’sleep Mummy and Daddy will be back,” he reminded him.

He sniffled and rubbed his eye, turning back to Harry. “Can you color with us?” He asked.

“Aw, Leo, honey. Harry’s working right now,” she whispered rubbing his back and kissed the top of his head.

His lower lip wiggled with a threat of tears exploding from him again. “I can stay a minute,” he smiled gently. Leo turned again and reached out for Harry who grabbed him up and cautiously stepped inside the homey little place of the girl he liked so much. “S’different huh, lad? From how Mommy and Daddy decorated.”

He nodded. “Prin-pessa lives here now,” he told Harry with another little sniffle.

“She does, that must mean this is a castle,” he winked in her direction as he settled himself on the sofa and put the book in Leo’s lap. She handed him some colored pencils and let him color in the book on his lap. His little sniffles subsided, and he showed Harry the picture frequently. “Nice job, Leo,” he said encouragingly. She sat in front of Harry, helping Leo color. She tried not to touch Harry, but it was nearly futile with the closeness. She couldn’t get close to Leo without getting close to Harry. She sat on her coffee table facing the pair of boys. Her knees slotted on either side of one of his. She wondered if Harry felt the heat of her body waving off her just by their thighs touching.

Harry was lucky he had to focus on keeping Leo company and making sure he was okay. He can’t imagine a scenario in which they would be in this position, but if it weren’t for Leo, Harry would have focused solely on the way her jeans were pressed to either side of his leg. He watched her color like she was an artist from the Renaissance. Her smile was gentle while she spoke quietly to Leo praising his skills.

It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes, but she stopped coloring almost abruptly. She put all the items beside her on the coffee table. Harry looked at her curiously and she smirked, putting a finger to her lips. She stood, removing the warmth of her leg around Harry’s, making him feel like it was the dead of winter without a coat. He wanted her body back near his.

She slid her hands around Leo’s small frame and her hands brushed Harry’s fingers. He had to restrain the moan that was bubbling in his throat from how much he liked the feel of her skin against his. He thought the warmth from her would make his heart explode. She pulled Leo into her embrace and carried her to the bedroom. Harry followed her quietly and quickly. He stood in the doorway and watched her lay the little one on the bed. She left the door cracked so light could get in and she smiled kindly. “Thank you, Harry,” her voice dripped with gratitude.

Harry didn’t know restraint was an emotion, but he felt it all throughout his body. Every bit of self-control was used to not kiss her over and over until his lips hurt. “M’pleasure, Principessa.”

Harry’s favorite color appeared on her cheeks. “Do...you want something to drink or anything? Before you head back to work—oh my, are you okay?” She asked grabbing his hand and turned it over between his.

Harry had an angry burn on the back of his hand. When he heard her voice on the phone he had a visceral reaction—the adoration for her causing him to spill some hot soup on his hand as he carried it toward the counter ready to be taken to the main room. Harry didn’t even feel it. Working in a kitchen, it was likely you would get burned. Harry wasn’t sure he had any nerve endings in his fingertips anymore.

At least, not until she was holding his hand.

“Oh...yeah. M’fine. Spilled hot soup.”

“I’ll have to remember how hot it is when I order it,” she looked at it nervously. “Can...do you need a bandage?”

“Oh, we have gloves in the kitchen,” he shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal to him. The only thing he could think about was how nice her hand felt holding his.

She frowned which made him sad. “Can... Can I wrap it or something for you? It looks painful and the glove will probably rub it raw or something,” she was already tugging him toward the kitchen, so he had no choice but to agree. Not that he wanted to argue. A few extra minutes with the pretty girl was well worth it. Harry had spent a good chunk of time in this apartment but somehow it was completely new. She released his hand, making him fraught with emotion. He nearly wanted to order her to hold it again. In the kindest of ways of course.

It seemed like this was something she really needed to do. Like it was hard for her to ask Harry for something without doing something for him in return. She gathered the supplies she needed and carefully slathered some ointment on his burn, holding his hand again making him forget all coherent thought. She was so gentle and careful. The burn was no big deal but it was so nice the way she tended to it. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal.

But Harry was undeniably in love with her.

“Thank you, Principessa.”

She smiled looking at his hand in hers. “You’re welcome, Harry. Thank you for helping with Leo. Sorry I bothered you.”

“Not at all, kitten. Y’don’t bother me at all,” he murmured as she smoothed the bandage on his hand.

It was cold again when she released him.

“Well, thank you anyway.”

“’Course. Always,” he promised. She smiled and put the supplies away. She wished she could have asked Harry to stay, but she knew he had to get back. He started for the door and flexed his hand a bit with the bandage wrapped around it. There were a lot of kitchen injuries he had suffered over the years and somehow this was his favorite because she tended so sweetly to it.

“I’ll...see you tomorrow,” she said softly.

“Yeah?” He smirked. “S’not Wednesday.”

She looked at her feet. “I know...but...I like seeing you,” she admitted glancing back at him with those pretty eyelashes and the pink cheeks he loved so much.

Harry was certain this was what winning the lottery felt like. He leaned down toward her and pecked her cheek so quickly, he barely even felt it on his lips—even though there was electricity pulsing through him as he did it. “I like seeing you too,” he whispered in her ear and headed down the stairs before he did something crazy like proposed to her. “Good night, Principessa,” he called over his shoulder.

*

“Eleanor Jane!”

Harry would recognize her voice in the dead of sleep, in a coma, halfway across the world.

Her voice was muffled by the door. As well as the thudding of someone knocking on the door. It was a few hours until they opened and if it weren’t for Harry hearing her sweet voice, he might have missed it or ignored it.

Harry hurried through the main room, unlocked the door, and looked at the three people in front of him. “Oh, you’re definitely Harry,” Eleanor smirked as she pushed past him.

“Jesus,” she sighed and put a hand on her forehead. “Louis, she’s insane,” she said to the guy who sauntered in after her.

“That’s my girl,” he said proudly and nodded to Harry as he brushed by him.

“Hi, Harry,” she smiled softly.

His heart softened. Harry loved the way his name sounded on her lips and in her voice. “Hi, Principessa.”

“Eleanor is in town,” she explained. She twisted her fingers together awkwardly.

“I see,” he chuckled as he glanced behind him to see her friend checking out all the artwork on the walls.

“We have a very busy couple of days. We’re getting a chunk of Louis’ stuff packed up and such. But...she really wants pasta and it’s,” she sighed looking a little ill as she spoke. “It’s the only time we really have...and you can say no. I told her we would just order takeout later—”

Harry understood. She didn’t want to bother him of course. Despite how hard he had tried to explain that she could never bother him. “Course, kitten,” he stood against the door to let her in finally. “Niall and I would be happy to,” he smiled.

“You really don’t mind? Antonio won’t mind?”

“Not at all, Principessa,” he promised pressing a hand on her lower back as he guided her further inside to join her friend.

“I told you he wouldn’t care.”

She rolled her eyes at Eleanor as the three sat at the bar.

Harry helped her onto her stool in the most chivalrous and gentlemanly fashion, Eleanor was grinning ear to ear as he did. He squeezed the top of her arm and winked as he headed back into the kitchen. “D’you want eggplant?” He asked through the window, and she blushed, then nodded. It made her feel warm that Harry knew what she wanted. Even though she had ordered it once a week since she moved in. “Eleanor, Louis? What can I make?”

“Cacio e pepe sounds good to me,” Louis smirked looking over the menu.

“Oh, I’ll take anything you want to make Harry. I’m not picky.”

He nodded and started preparing the dishes. Niall glanced through the window at the sight of the pretty girl and her friends. “You’re a mess,” Niall laughed.

Harry shrugged but there was a smile plastered on his lips.

“So, Harry, I hear you’ve really taken my best friend’s interest.”

“Eleanor, shut up,” she hissed, covering her pretty face with both hands.

Harry smiled, his cheeks warming. “Yeah? S’good. Can’t get her off m’mind either,” he winked at her through the window. Eleanor giggled and Louis rolled his eyes at her forwardness.

But Harry saw the splash of her pretty irises peek through the space between her fingers as she registered what Harry said. “You can’t steal her from me,” Eleanor said knowingly. “She’s my best friend.”

“Would never take her from you, Eleanor,” he chuckled with a shake of his head.

While Eleanor and Harry chatted like they had known each other their whole lives as well, she tried not to think about how Harry said he couldn’t get her out of her mind.

Tried.

She very much failed and thought that maybe she wouldn’t mind falling harder for Harry.

*

Harry was organizing the bar while the three of them ate. She was used to the pasta—of course it was delicious, but it was easier for her to pace herself knowing if she wanted, she could have more at any hour of the day.

She nibbled on her garlic bread—the extra portion that Harry had placed in front of her with a wink.

Eleanor was picking at Louis’ and hers at the same time. “Aye! Eat your own,” he said protectively and pulled his plate toward him so Eleanor couldn’t reach. She frowned and turned her attention back to her best friend, stealing some of her pasta and snagged a piece of garlic bread. She passed a piece to Louis and finally tried her own meal. “There’s been no sign of your stalker, right?” Eleanor asked as she put the first bite in her mouth. “Oh, this is delicious,” she moaned. She didn’t get to remark on how good the pasta really was because her comment was overshadowed by Harry’s head snapping to attention at the words coming out of the best friend of his Principessa.

She tilted her head back to avoid Harry’s eye contact. She hated bringing up this topic. Especially in front of other people. Even if Harry was slowly becoming her favorite person now that Eleanor wasn’t around, Harry was going to get worried. That was the last thing she wanted. “I could strangle you,” she murmured to her friend.

“What?” Eleanor frowned.

“M’sorry t’eavesdrop,” Harry said apologetically holding two bottles of wine in each hand as he restocked the wine cooler. “Did...did y’say stalker?”

Her cheeks turned pink. Eleanor frowned and turned back to her best friend. “You didn’t tell them?”

She sighed heavily and shook her head. “It’s nothing,” she shrugged.

Harry’s eyebrows rose to the middle of his forehead. He begrudgingly turned his attention to Eleanor assuming that she would give him the details for such a worrisome topic. Eleanor sighed. “Maybe you can convince her. There’s this guy who follows her.”

“Not now,” she grumbled. “He doesn’t do anything. He just... follows me.”

Harry felt utterly uncomfortable with such a statement and how neutral she seemed to feel about it. His heart started to beat erratically at the thought of something happening to her. He wanted to handcuff her to the bar just so he could keep an eye on her. Harry put the bottles into the cooler while Eleanor filled in the full details. He listened with rapt attention. She ate her garlic bread and pasta as if this was a normal situation. Truly, nothing to worry about.

Louis added in a few details as well. “There haven’t really been any events that were... scary,” Louis added for her benefit. Eleanor glared at him viciously. “But it makes El and I pretty uncomfortable. Really worried,” he told Harry with a smirk to Eleanor as her glare softened at his words.

Harry, on the other hand, was nearly shutting down with the influx of information. His pretty Principessa. It wasn’t fair. It was scary. He couldn’t believe she wouldn’t lead with that. “Principessa, s’not okay.”

She sighed, rubbing her temples. “He hasn’t followed me since I’ve moved,” she put her forehead on the bar.

Harry frowned and made eye contact with Eleanor. “Hmm...”

Eleanor patted her back. “You’re fine. We all just care about you,” she rolled her eyes. “I know that’s a hard thing for you to consider,” she smirked with a shake of her head.

“Jeez, El. Why don’t you just stab her,” Louis chuckled.

“I like Louis more than you,” she murmured into the bar.

She flicked the back of her head and looked at Harry.

“Harry,” Eleanor smiled sweetly.

“Oh boy,” Louis chuckled sipping his drink.

“Don’t you dare,” she hissed looking up at Eleanor and tried to put a hand over her mouth to keep her from talking to Harry.

Harry thought it was funny, even if his heart was racing with worry. “Would you mind keeping an eye on her?” She fluttered her lashes sweetly as her best friend turned bright red with embarrassment. Harry smiled softly.

He didn’t want to upset the poor thing when she already seemed so distraught. Harry knew a bit about her but didn’t know everything, obviously. It was abundantly clear that she would rather die than inconvenience someone on her behalf.

“Of... of course,” Harry nodded at Eleanor. “But... m’sure she’s... sounds like she has it under control,” it tasted like sour milk to say those words. He wanted to say something along the lines of he would sleep outside her door and walk her to and from the grocery store. But Harry wasn’t her boyfriend—even if he was already, completely, and obviously in love with her.

Even if she wasn’t ready to notice just yet.

“Ugh, you have him fooled too,” Eleanor frowned.

She smirked patting Eleanor’s back. She turned to Harry for a moment and met his gentle gaze. It made her feel soft. When he pecked her cheek, or held her hands, each time he touched her lower back, or when he was coloring with her and Leo. Harry made her feel so completely warm with the smallest of touches and now he wasn’t even touching her. She was frustrated Eleanor brought it up. Even more frustrated Harry was worried about her. He had plenty of more important tasks to deal with than worry about her.

But she didn’t want anyone to worry about her. So, if asking Harry for help every now and again appeased Eleanor...

“Harry,” her voice was so soft and gentle. He was captured immediately by her voice and gaze. “Even though you’ve already done about a million ridiculous things for me,” and he very much had not. The little tasks he did to help her move in weren’t anything. Chatting with her, making food for her, and even coloring with Leo were all easy and nothing special. They weren’t even the bare minimum because they were so easy and simple. He wanted to do more for her. “If... if it’s not too much trouble,” it looked like she was struggling to say whatever words were in her head. It seemed ridiculous that she was going to ask Harry for help solely to make Eleanor feel better. Not even herself.

But he wasn’t going to make her say it when it clearly frustrated her to worry about herself.

Maybe he could help her understand that it wasn’t a big deal to worry about her, eventually.

“I’ll keep an eye on y’Principessa. S’pretty easy when I can’t stop staring at how pretty y’look anyway,” he winked and headed to the kitchen hoping to leave Eleanor to gossip about something other than the guy following her best friend.

He caught a glimpse of his favorite color painting her face while Eleanor was giggling and hitting her arm with excitement through the window.

But most importantly, he saw the faintest smile on her lips. Like she was happy that Harry cared for her even a little bit. Hopefully with every little baby step, Harry would convince her she wasn’t a bother.

In fact, he hoped to convince her that she really was a princess in his eyes.

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @youdontcaredoyou @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach @straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals @angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams @summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland @lolyouallsuck @buckybarnessimpp @stylesfever @harrysxcarolina @haarrrys @lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles @tenaciousperfectionunknown

Dolcezza: @matildasatellite @crossyourpeter @st-ev-ie

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[mtchacrvle]

• 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 •

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴜsʜɪᴊɪᴍᴀ ᴡᴀᴋᴀᴛᴏsʜɪ x ғʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ : you and ushijima used to date in high school, but unfortunately you guys broke up. after years of broken up with you, he felt empty. he have became the top 1 professional volleyball player, have millions of money, people love him but he still felt empty, week and he knows why.

⚠️ 𝚃𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙶𝙴𝚁 𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶 ⚠️ : ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴋɪʟʟɪɴɢ, ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏᴜʀ, ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ ᴜsʜɪᴊɪᴍᴀ. Aɴᴅ ᴛᴇʀʀɪʙʟᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ

___🤍___🤍___🤍___

"ha I'm so tired" you said with tired voice. it was Wednesday 5pm, ushijima just finished his usual volleyball practice and you guys are currently walking home. you could notice that ushijima was quite the whole time so you try to make small talk. "i saw the spike you did earlier and God you look so cool!". silent, you were holding ushijimas hand so you lightly squeeze his hand trying to get his attention.

nothing. "ushi?" "baby?" "toshi" you said little louder. he finally came back from day dreaming. "yes name?". "toshi are you alright?". he didn't say anything just stared at his feet. after felt like forever he finally spoke. "I think we need to break up". you just stared at him with full confused face. "what why? did I do something wrong?" you said concerned. he saw your expression and quickly interrupt "no no it's not that, it's just I want to focus on volleyball more. since we only have 4 months before our graduation. I really really need to be focusing on volleyball. I want to be the professional volleyball player and I can't have distraction..". he mumble the last three words but you heard him loud and clear.

you just stay quiet, trying so hard to to cry. "w-well if you want to focus on volleyball more sure i-i don't mind, we can just focus on volleyball more..t-there's no need for breaking up" you said hopping that he'll changed his mind. "sorry name I just can't. I'm sorry" he then let go of your hand. you felt like your falling at that time but you stay strong. "I see, if that's what you want, I'll respect that. didn't think you see me as distraction. well sorry if I'm distracting you or holding you back from your dream ushijima, I'm sorry. thank you for everything". and then you walk away he'll be laying if he said he's not sad. on the outside he may look calm or he doesn't care. but in the inside he practically crying, how could he not the person that he has a crush on for 4 year left him. well more like he let it go.

after you came home you just fell to your feet. you just to heartbroken. Is that how he really feels? that I'm holding him back..? you spent the whole night crying your heart out. the next morning you came as usual. you didn't like showing your weakness nor your sadness so you just bottle it up.

well your Best friend notice and you told her the whole story. since that you try to ignore ushijima as hard as you can. no matter what way if there's a way you'll use it. you then going out more trying to move on with the help of your best friend. mean while with ushijima, after he break up with you he didn't think bout you at all well almost, there's a few time where when he saw you and he wants to greet and hug you but stops bc he just remembered that you guys already broken up. slowly he forgets about you. he only have 1 priority and that is to be the number 1 professional volleyball player. eventually you already move on and so Is ushijima.

after 4 months you graduate and after that you immediately apply to a cooking school. you really wanted to open a cafe shop so you worked your butt off for this.

4 years has pass and you've been doing great, well can't say the same to ushijima. the last 4 years he's time and energy been paying off he is now the top 1 professional volleyball player. he's in the Schweiden Alders team. but something felt off, he didn't know what. he just felt unhappy, and he was confused. he got what he wanted, he has millions of money, thousand of fans, most of the branded company payed him to model for they're brand. but still he felt empty, weak, unmotivated. everytime he walked and saw a sweet couple he felt sad.

tendou eventually notice, "you must felt lonely ushikawa". "lonely..?". "well you haven't dated anyone since you broken up with name right? maybe that's why you're sad. you don't have shoulder to relax and relay on". ushijima didn't think that was the problem but after breaking up with you he somehow didn't have any interest on anyone sure there a lot of people hitting up on him but he just shook it off. it's not like he didn't think of having a s/o it's just no one attract him the way you do. maybe that's it he didn't want anyone else he wanted you.

"have you talked to name this past 4 year?". ushijima asked tendou with pure curiosity. "yea quite often, since I'm dating her Best friend we often talked". ushijima just stared at tendou. what since when tendou and name best friend dated?. "since when did you guys dated why didn't I know anything?". "I did ushikawa I told you almost a year ago. I said I'm dating someone". "you certainly did but you didn't mention who". " oh I didn't?" tendou chuckled. "it's name best friend, name tell me that she have been crushing on me and I've been crushing on her so here we are". ushijima knows that he shouldn't felt jealous hearing that tendou and name often talked but he knew he didn't deserve name attention after what he did to her.

"can you maybe tell me where name is? or where she currently live?" he actually shock himself up. why do he wanted to know where name is? they already broken up why that's that matter?.

"no clue I did ask Yuri (name best friend) but she refuse to tell me". that comment actually made ushijima mad. "why not?" ushijima asked with a annoyed voice kinda sound like he's angry. tendou saw the sudden mood change so he calmly reply "Yuri knew I'll tell you that's why she refuses to tell". ushijima just stay quiet.

after the talk with tendou ushijima rushed home to do some digging. unlucky for him and lucky for you he find nothing. days turn into weeks soon became into months. he was a MESS and thank God he still have few of your pictures everytime he's sad, angry or even he felt neutral he still look at your photo.

his everyday routine is usually come home around 6pm, shower, eat,and sleep and everytime before he slept he would open up his phone and look at your pictures imaging that you're still here with him.

after almost 9 months of searching you he still found nothing, Yuri refuse to talk to him nor give him your information, all Yuri said was "name is doing just fine".don't get him wrong, he's happy and relieved that you're doing fine but the information was not enough. everyday, every second his obsession grew bigger and bigger he became more crazier without you. during the months he search for you he kept blaming himself. he's the reason you broke up, he's the reason why you're depressed.

and all of those backfired to him.its been 1 year and still no sign of you. tendou would be lying if he said he's not worried for his best friend but he tried he's best helping him find name.

"Ushikawa you need to move on" tendou said with a worried tone."how can I, I'm the reason why me and name are in this mess". yuri overhead the conversation and what she told ushijima next made him regret his decision.

"when you broke up with name, she kept blaming herself for you guys break up. she felt bad for you bc she feels that she's holding you back. everyday she tries to avoid you." "what..why is she trying to avoid me?". " God bc what you've said. plus she don't want to break down in front of you, bc she knew if she face you she can't hold her tears" Yuri said sighing "she really love you yk. that's why I didn't want to tell you where she is. bc I don't want you to repeat the same mistake again and hurt her." and that Yuri got up and left leaving tendou and ushijima alone.

the thing that Yuri told him still playing in his head. I really hurt her. he went for a walk after he finished working out, and he went to a walk a little bit. while he was crossing the road he noticed a familiar face. he ran to the other side and ran to the girl. in his mind he knew he could be wrong but he doesn't care. after he felt like he have been running forever he cought the girl wrist.

when the girl turn around he was shocked to see the face that he has been searching for the past 1 year..the love of his life. "name.." name eyes were widen she has so many questions how did he find her? how did he recognized her? "name its you right" he ask the girl hoping that it's not his imagination. "uh yes I'm name". oh do you know how happy he is. "it's me wakatoshi" ushijima said with a happy voice.

Tbc....

This has been in my draft for MONTHS now, didn't think it was good enough to post but eh. It's a cliffhanger so I might do part 2 ? Hehe but that could take a while since I'm working on a new story, so stay stunned (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Thoughts on TBB 3x14: Flash Strike

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

Penultimate episode, people! 😨 This better not be too traumatising, I have a flight to catch later...

"Odds are against the Batch..." THANKS FOR THE REMINDER, EPISODE DESCRIPTION. I ALREADY KNOW THAT THERE'S A CHANCE THIS ISN'T GOING TO GO WELL AND I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT THANK YOU VERY MUCH

"How's Echo going to get off that ship?" I'm with Wrecker on this one! I need to know how my boy is going to stay safe!!!

Well this is already going tits up

Crosshair, I think everything is failing, let alone the shields

THIS IS BATSHIT WTF

Rampart's screams are sending me 😭 he hates life so much rn

Echo's little head tilt when he got the idea for the disguise 🥺

THE END OF THE SCOMP POKING OUT OF HIS SLEEVE I'M DYING

Echo's content may be limited this season but it is absolutely top tier

Poor Crosshair. Having to go back to Tantiss was not something he ever needed to be put through again, but the respect I have for him putting himself through this to rescue Omega is immense. Crosshair was never cold and heartless and he just continues to prove that. 🫶

"Unfortunately, yes" The way they all shit on Rampart is incredible

The Kiners are absolutely killing it with the soundtrack as per usual 🔥

"Thanks for the hand" THIS MAN ISTG

Echo actually reminds me so much of Fives rn and it makes me both very happy and very sad

THE DROID CHUTE AGAIN?! Ffs, Echo

OMEGA, BE CAREFUL I DO NOT NEED YOU LOSING YOUR HEAD

"Depends on who's giving them" The evolution of Crosshair is so personal to me. Being a good soldier was never bout blindly following orders, it was about helping people, which meant knowing whose orders you should be listening to. Watching Crosshair grow to understand that he doesn't need to blindly follow whoever is in charge is heartwarming. This man has come so far.

"Deadweight" 😭 The nicknames for rampart continue to pile on

Well, the giant furry thing coming back isn't ideal

Omega, bestie, you are really stressing me out rn

ECHO THE HAND IS GOING TO GIVE YOU AWAY

...what did I just say?

"Not just her. We're here for all the prisoners you've been experimenting on" Truly Echo being Echo

THIS SHOW IS TOO STRESSFUL I CAN'T COPE

There's so much to wrap up her. What happened to CX-2? What are they gonna do with Rampart? Where did Wolffe go? What ever happened to Cody? What happens if the Batch do get off Tantiss? What then?

Like last week, I really enjoyed this episode, but I'm still worried about how this is all going to get wrapped up. I wouldn't;t be surprised if SW announced more shows that end up going back to some of these story points, but without confirmation of future projects, I feel like they really need to wrap up the loose threads in this show as much as possible.

✨ manifesting a 1hr finale ✨

[unladyboss]

JUST CARMY

I'm always so confused about Carmy's behavior. Like the more I try to figure it out, the more confused I get. It's like what Ebra said about Mikey, he got confused by his behaviors. So I thought about it and realized that maybe I was confused because I'm SUPPOSED TO BE CONFUSED.

Because you can't reason out the behavior of an addict. I really think now that Carmy is a high functioning alcoholic. When I figured that out, my heart dropped and I looked at all scenes with different eyes. Hear me out. High functioning alcoholics are difficult to spot. They can maintain near normal appearance for job, family, friends etc, but it eventually catches up

1. The alcohol in the office . It's there always. Check the green bottles

2. Alcohol just at different levels

3. Carmy's mom is an alcoholic. It's rare for none of the kids not to be alcoholic. Mikey was a drug addict.

4. Maybe the reason Syd's dad hasn't met him yet is because he'd get outed. Syd's dad doesn't drink, possibly because he used to drink too much.

5. If Syd's dad used to drink too much it would explain, some of her attraction to Carmy. That codependent thing that occurs in families of addicts

6. Claire. I'm sorry I was mean about Claire but she was a big big clue. That's why Claire was brought in.

When she said she remembers Carmy and he gave her the wrong number, its possible that the past him also drank too much. I'm not too sure

However, she manages sad drunk people. Even though he doesn't drink in front of her and drinks pop. The clues were in front of us. Red cup party.

The insistence of Claire to track him down. Possibly a tool to help him see that he needs help. She manages him the whole time.

7. The anxiety

8. The ibuprofen for headaches

9. The insomnia

10. Everything in his life is pointing toward him needing help

11. He's going to Al-Anon meetings. We think it's just about Mikey but then the look of the meeting changes and he says it's three times a week so Al Anon may have switched to real alcoholics anonymous meetings

12. Mikey not wanting him to work at the bear, might be him knowing that Carmy would probably fall into worse things... Maybe he saw Carmy's own addiction and kicked him out

13. The tattoo. He knows alcohol is bad and can kill, not just because of his mom, but because he's doing it.

14. The mood swings. Screaming at people, anger, one minute mad, the next minute calm

15. All the Al Anon pamphlets he was reading. That wasn't just about Mikey. It was for him

16. Brain issues - wet brain. 'is that sound in my head?' When the alarm goes off. Cicero asks if it's not driving him crazy. He said he's used to it.

Is my hair on fire? He asked Syd

17. The fidgeting fingers. Withdrawal. Need a drink to stabilize

18. The disappearing, like into the fridge. Remember one time the Pepto was in there? The drink could be too if it's not in the office any more

Pepto usually near to the alcohol . Disappearing from the Bear. Just bailing on things in general.

19. The delusions seeing his old boss at friends and family and being inconsolable.

29. Panic attack.

The whole sydcarmy thing could be and probably IS happening simultaneously along with the high functioning alcoholism.

But this is mad serious.

30.I think they put JOSH in that last episode to show just how high functioning an addict could be, but that eventually the addiction will ruin things

31. Big hints at Claire's party

32. The chest pain, heart beating fast

This is so serious.

I don't think I'm wrong

We said the show runners were playing in our faces. I thought they meant just about Syd. It was probably them trying to show us THIS, but we were too distracted by SYDCARMY.

When I figured this out, I couldn't watch the sydcarmy interaction the same way any more.

This whole time he's probably been going through bouts of withdrawal and symptoms of that, along with relapsing.

I feel sick.

I HOPE I'm wrong, but I don't think so at all.

You guys. Talk me out of this. I need reassuring words right now.

[redemn]

just watched a vid about the comments that the people in camp make towards arthur when he stays in camp for a long time .   comments that are mostly negative towards him ,   things like " you need to get out there and do something "   [ … ]   " you get on everyone about going out and contributing ,   and you haven't left camp in days !  "

naturally ,   that has me pondering about arthur's more severe depressive episodess and how he really judges himself on how useful he is toward others .   it brings him the most happiness when he can be available and a help toward others .   the only time anyone will find him not being useful is when he is suffering from his bouts of depression where ,   same as in that video ,   arthur usually ends up lying around more than usual and not contributing much ,   if anything at all .   there are times where he'll make himself get up and help with feeding the animals ,   but leaving the camp isn't something he's likely to do ,   for days at a time ,   sometimes a couple weeks .   and it's in those times when he feels extremely useless and the cycle of feeling awful continues ,   because he knows he should be helping and getting out and hunting and making money for camp ,   but he can't bring himself to do it .

his depressive bouts really only happen when he's hit with life-changing circumstances   ( losing eliza and isaac and his breakup with mary are among the two big ones ),   so they are few and far between ,   but they are there .   at least when he's injured or needs to rest ,   people will see that for themselves give him a break .   but when things are in his head and making the world darker and every little thing seem like an earth-splitting ordeal ,   no one understands that .   and arthur doesn't understand it about himself either .   he just knows he feels terrible ,   and the simple tasks become unendurable .   and he loathes himself for that ,   thinks himself selfish for   "indulging in indolence",   and incompetent at being a working man and a human being .   of course ,   bouncing back is possible and always happens within the greater part of a year ,   and he does get to working within weeks ,   but the feelings don't subside easily at all .   and his low views of himself always persist through everything .

mostly i think this is caused by his childhood , where his father would often call on him to help with his crimes , and punish him for mistakes . so arthur learned to be helpful by carrying out tasks , doing things , and so developed his inclination toward acts of service as a form of care and love . then he carried this into the gang , where he's been doing tasks for everyone every since . he's gotten used to it .

essentially ,  he needs to get work done ,   or to have something to do ,   or else he's going to start feeling  …  very bad about himself .

as a sidenote ,   i just want to say that hosea was the only person that expressed any worry about him and didn't jump to insulting him .   " are you okay ?   it's not like you to stay in camp for this long . " and i just think that's so precious of him .   precious and sad .   father of the year award goes to him for sure .

[wannab-urs]

Hiii! Forgive me if you already have this info posted somewhere that I didn't find, but I have been in desperate need of some Comfort Joel Miller... 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 Because real life has been stressful enough and riddled with anxiety 😩 And while I'm ALL about smutty goodness, I could really use some Emotional Hurt/comfort (or physical/protective), depressy/anxy, supportive bby boi shit to read. I'm not sure the best way to go about finding those stories specifically... So I figured I'd ask if you or writers you know have fic recommendations in those categories?? If so, that would be amazing 🖤

Hellooooo. I adore getting fic rec requests. Most of these are gonna have smut in them because I am just a girl (gn), but a few don't. I included some alternative stuff that's a little outside what you asked for, but similar enough.

Disclaimer: I have not read every fic on this list

One shots:

Breathe Through It by @tommysversion

Summary: you have a panic attack. Joel helps.

This is the one I think will be perfect for your request

Illicit Affairs by @schnarfer

Summary:  A little angst-ridden affair with Joel Miller, as a treat?

From the author: "there is a butt load of angst and emotions? He's very supportive (of having an affair with him)"  

Heavy Rain by @lunitawrites

summary: It´s been raining for weeks when Joel finds you curled up on his couch.

recced by @janaispunk !

Walking Through Fire by @macfrog

summary: you’re neck-deep in a bout of seasonal depression. your boyfriend suggests an autumnal walk.

recced by @janaispunk

Observations by @ezrasbirdie

summary: You're not like the other girls, but it'd be easier if you were. Joel Miller doesn't see it that way.

recced by @janaispunk

Series:

One Thing I'm Missing by @joelscruff

you and joel accidentally end up falling asleep together, and what follows is the beginning of a quiet and tender relationship neither of you saw coming

forever is the sweetest con by sistersadeyes (AO3)

Summary: your life, post-apocalypse, and the surly old survivor who darkens your door. Growing up with a doomsday prepper as a father hadn't been easy. But after the Outbreak, you can't help but feel a little grateful to the old man. You're almost sad he didn't make it long enough to see how right he'd been. You inherit the farm, the stockpile, and the bunker months before the Outbreak. And in the aftermath, you use it to prove that human kindness still exists, helping all those you can. Set 5 years after the Outbreak.

I cannot recommend this fic enough dawg

One Day at a Time by @sixhours

Summary: Joel becomes a dad. Again

Lots and lots of emotions, lots of growing together, very sweet, made me cry

A Heart For Eating by @motherofagony

Summary: a vicious raider attack robs you of human connection and lights a fire of destruction in your life in jackson. joel's fixated on you, and your lives tangle. revenge becomes a needful thing.

Mind the warnings, but this one is excellent. Joel's savior complex is nothing to be scoffed at.

WILDCARD -- ever thought about Din and Joel together? Do you like really long series?? I've got the fic for you

Cosmic Oddities by fromthewhales (AO3)

Summary: Turning a clan of two into a clan of four and asking the very important, albeit unhinged question: What if space dad and apocalypse dad were Weird About Each Other?

It's long as hell and it's a weird pairing and it fills my heart with joy. Joel and Din both have some hurt and they both give some comfort. this whole fic just makes me feel soft. It's precious.

Some hurt/comfort one shots but it's Joel that needs comforting:

Father's Day by @proxima-writes

Summary: Father’s Day is hard for Joel Miller after losing his daughter.

Seven by @proxima-writes

Summary: Joel Miller has spent twenty years pushing the grief and guilt surrounding the death of his daughter, Sarah, to the darkest recesses of his brain in favor of survival. Living a more quiet life in Jackson means the ghosts of his past have returned to haunt him. He finds his solace in you, the town librarian.

help me hold on to you by @proxima-writes

Summary: Joel always tries his best to keep his mind from wandering to its darkest corners, but occasionally, the frayed threads holding him together with sloppy stitches start to unravel. Sometimes you need to give him something to hold onto.

[hopetorun]

brady/quinn kidfic!

one hundred years later because i needed to let this cook in my brain for a while. i think this is only supposed to be 5 things that happen in the story but yolo. i do what i want.

the thing is, brady’s always been a natural with kids. he loves kids, and kids love him, and quinn knows he wants so bad, and maybe it's a sore spot that quinn has a kid and brady doesn't but brady's too nice to ever sulk in front of quinn about it. but brady's tried so many times, a couple of serious girlfriends and, most recently, a boyfriend quinn knows he talked about wanting kids with.

the kids weren't even the sticking point -- the boyfriend wanted kids too -- it was the everything else. he didn't want to be a secret and he didn't want the publicity of being brady tkachuk's boyfriend, either, and those were pretty much the only options. so they broke up.

brady's not handling it great. he doesn't say it in so many words, but quinn's known him for more than decade at this point. it's in the way brady calls more often, hitting in those hours where it's a little too late on the east coast but quinn's just winding down for the night. they're facetiming when brady asks him -- quinn's in the middle of brushing his teeth, so it's mostly just brady rambling -- and brady says, "you know, chris and i had this vacation planned for bye week. i guess i could get the money back but if you and mila want to come instead ..."

the first thing quinn thinks about isn't how much he'd like to see brady, it's how when the senators were in vancouver a couple weeks after the breakup, brady wanted to eat dinner at quinn's and watch a movie with quinn and mila. mila fell asleep in his lap and he helped quinn put her to bed and afterward he wouldn't look quinn in the eye for a full twenty minutes.

mila doesn't usually stay with quinn during the season. her mom lives in vancouver and it's easier to just not be shuttling her back and forth and subjecting her to quinn's crazy hours and crazy schedule. he's over there all the time anyway, for lunches and dinners and weekend breakfasts when he can and as many bedtimes as he can wheedle his way into.

it was an amicable breakup. (it wasn't really a breakup, because they were never really together, and quinn was about seventh-eighths of the way to being done sleeping with women entirely, but he was drunk and lonely and sophie was there and her mouth was warm when quinn kissed her and, well, you get the gist.) anyway: they're friends for real now. sometimes sophie looks at him and he can see that she's a little sad he didn't end up wanting to marry her. but this more or less works.

(when mila was three they had a bout of temporary insanity and tried having sex again and had barely made it to being naked when it became clear that it wasn't going to work, which made sophie laugh so hard she got the hiccups. which wasn't good for quinn's ego, but it was probably for the best. it turns out neither of them had a condom anyway, and it did finally diffuse the lingering okay but maybe you're not actually totally gay that was simmering under the surface)

anyway: quinn and mila go on vacation with brady. it's a nice long break, neither of them tapped for all-star weekend for once, and sophie seemed delighted about the prospect of a kid-free week in the middle of the season. (quinn normally takes mila for most of the summer, when he doesn't have to travel and he's back in michigan surrounded by eager babysitters of varying levels of responsibility.)

it's a lovely vacation! brady gets so sunburned he looks like a tomato and whines while quinn rubs aloe on his back and laughs at him. mila likes to poke the sunburn and see how the red skin turns white under her fingers, which absolutely hurts and brady does not complain about at all. it's not something they've ever done before, just the two of them and quinn's kid, but they settle into the routines pretty easily. upgraded the place at the resort to a suite so they aren't all crammed into one room, and after two nights it goes from being brady's room and quinn-and-mila's room to being mila's room and quinn-and-brady's room, because mila goes to sleep at 8 and they can watch like a whole movie after that.

brady doesn't realize until he's back in ottawa that it was fucking him up. it was so nice while it was happening and now he's back home and he can see like he's looking at his own life from the outside how he was putting way too much of his own longing on quinn and just substituting quinn (and mila) in for what he really wants, which is a family of his own. quinn has his own life, his own family (even if it's not a traditional one), and brady can't just steal that for himself!

it takes him another month to realize that it isn't just the abstract. he doesn't just want a family with someone. he wants the specifics: quinn's wrinkled nose when brady's snoring wakes him up. quinn's stupid bedhead. quinn's resigned sigh when mila gets tired and wants to be carried even though she's getting so big that it's honestly pretty exhausting. the fond look in quinn's eyes when he watches brady and the way he laughs at brady's stupid jokes and the mischievous curl of his mouth when he's gonna start winding brady up about something.

so. that's a problem.

[babybluebex]

aaah blurb for jamie from kin. he’s super quiet and reader asks what’s wrong and of course he says nothing but reader knows him and just wraps him up in a big old hug and kisses his cheek and he goes all soft and says how worried he is about his brother idk something along those lines thank u, love ur writing so much

ugh yes jamie my sweet boy he deserves the world also this is hella short yikes sorry

"What's going on?" you asked Jamie. You hadn't been dating him very long, maybe only a few weeks, but you already knew him well enough to know when something was wrong with him.

"Why do you think something's going on?" Jamie asked, puffing out a mouthful of cigarette smoke.

"You're just acting strangely," you said. "You can tell me anything, J, I'm here for you."

Jamie rolled his jaw as he thought, and he looked at you for a moment before he finally said, "Nothing's wrong. Just got a lot on my mind."

"Jamie," you sighed. "You can tell me anything. Please? You just look so sad."

Jamie was a quiet kind of guy anyway, but his silence now was deafening. Whatever was on his mind was monumental and meant a lot to him. You leaned close to him and pressed your cheek to his shoulder, and your arms wound around his middle as he smoked again. "I'm here for you," you said. "Whatever it is, I'm here."

"You can't tell anyone," Jamie said finally after a long bout of silence. "Alright? It's really a big deal to me."

"I won't tell," you said to him. "What's wrong?"

Jamie was quiet again for a long moment, contemplating, and he sighed. "I have a little brother," he began, and your heart fell into your stomach. "Harry."

"I didn't know that," you mumbled.

"Yeah, he doesn't live with me," Jamie said. "He's still in the system, after our parents... I'm trying to get custody of him, but it's not working. I got the letter today that they rejected me for custody."

"Oh my God," you muttered. "Jamie, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Why, um, why did they reject you?"

"Why?" Jamie scoffed softly. "Does it matter? They told me I can't have my brother, that's all that matters. I can try to appeal it, but they're not going to listen to me. Our social worker is doing everything she can, but it's not enough, and I'm so—" His hand clenched into a fist, then pressed hard into his thigh, and he blinked hard as he said, "I can't lose Harry. I just can't."

"You won't lose him, J," you told him, setting your hands on his shoulders. "Even if he goes to a different family, I'm sure they'll still let you visit. I mean, you're his brother—"

"Which is why he belongs with me," Jamie said sharply. "Not with some business owner and his wife, he needs me."

Your heart sank deep into your stomach, and you hugged Jamie tighter. He smelled like smoke and cologne and laundry soap, and you slotted your hands into the back pockets on his jeans as you held him tightly. "Baby," you whispered finally.

"I'm just worried about him," Jamie mumbled. "I want what's best for him, but I know that I'm what's best, I just can't make anyone else see that."

"It'll be okay," you whispered. "You can appeal their decision and make them see that you're the right choice. You'll get Harry and everything'll be alright."

"I hope so," Jamie said. "He's all I've got left, and I'm all he's got. I just can't fuck this up again."

"You won't," you assured him. "Look, I can help you fill out the application, I'll do whatever I can to help. You obviously love him and need him, and the system fucking sucks for trying to take him from you. Whatever you need, I'm here for you, J."

Jamie crushed the butt of his cigarette under his toe, and he wrapped himself around you with a heavy sigh. "Let's hope so," he mumbled into your hair. "I just need Harry to be okay."

[captainkranos]

Dreaming of Metal- Part One A story for those wishing they were robots

This is my first major foray into writing, so id love constructive criticism! This is part one, and it doesn't contain any smut, but I am planning for future parts to have it. Hope you enjoy!!!

It was a cold evening. February was always cold. The local coffee shop was closed, so you had to go a lot further than usual. It was the nearest one that wasn't a chain. Starbucks was definitely worse now after the Apple buyout, and you're gonna need quite a bit of coffee if you plan to finish the coding project tonight. "602nd and 28th..." You mutter under your breath. Just a few more freezing blocks. Neo York City was big. After the Monopolization of 2350, corporations started buying out whole cities. The extra 300 streets added seemed like a good idea to most, but it really just makes the good parts of the city further away from each other.

Power walking down the sidewalk in an attempt to stay warm, a pink, blinking, neon sign catches your eyes. "Order a Robotic Companion Today! Keep you company! Great at coding!" That last tagline stuck in your mind as you remember the 457 bugs last time you tried to compile the latest project. And your last romantic partner walked out on you last week after suggesting those cybernetic enhancements... How were you supposed to know a cyborg killed their grandma? You only suggested them because you weren’t brave enough to get them installed in yourself anyways. "Dial 1-800-ROBOT today!" The number was easy to remember at least. You look down the street again, and spot the coffee shop your personal navigator directed you to. You make a mental note of the phone number, and head off to get fuel for the long night ahead of you…

“ITS DONE!” You exclaim as the compiler notes zero bugs found. It's a tool to help organize blog posts for your favorite website. The site creators should have added this years ago, but you're glad to have it done now at least. You sit in silence, appreciating your handiwork… but it's a sad silence. Your old partner helped write the start of this, and now they'll never see it completed. Your thoughts flashback to that sign you saw today. A robotic companion sounds so nice. Someone to confide in, to understand you, who would understand how you feel about robots. In a bout of weakness, you pick up your holophone, and mash in the phone number that's been spinning in your head all day. 

“Q.P.R.A.U. Robotics! Where we match you with the moving metal of your dreams! How can we meet your emotional needs today?” The voice on the other end sounds synthesized, but not automated. “Uhhh Hi? I think I'm looking for a companion bot?” “Sure! How would you rate your emotional starvation from one to ten?” Even though it's only been a week, the rate at which your apartment deteriorated into disrepair would put a bull in a china shop to shame. “...Ten” “And would you like to sign up for our alternate payment services?” Oh thank goodness. You really didn’t want to shell out too much for this. Most companies use these alternate options as a way to obtain and sell your data. A body scan or a blood donation will usually make rent much easier to pay each month if you want to buy something nice. “Yes I would.” “Great! We will have your order shipped out to you within 3-6 weeks! Have a great day!” The call ends. You never gave them a name or a shipping address? Maybe they scraped it from your IP address? You really didn't care. As long as a friend gets shipped in the mail, you would put up with anything.

March. It's been a tough few weeks. The coding commissions have been few and far between. At least the apartment complex therapist is back on call. He has really been helping you get through the emotional weeds of life. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK You peel yourself up from the chair in your office and over to the door. It's probably the neighbors again, their cat is quite the escape artist. Opening the door, standing in the hallway is a synth, with a metal box the size of a large person. If they were not a robot, you would ask to help with it, but you know that their electronic muscles are at least 100 times stronger than yours. You wish you could lift that much… “Is this the residency of anon?” “Yeah… what's this?” “Your package! Courtesy of Q.P.R.A.U. Robotics!” You had forgotten everything about that night. Getting hammered off of French nano-wine tends to do that to you. “Do I need to sign anything?” “Nope! Heres your package!” The synth walked into your apartment and placed the box right in the center of the entryway. It came down with a rather hefty thud. You already knew the downstairs neighbors would be filing a complaint. “Have a nice day! And good luck with the alternative payment services!” The synth walks out with a jolly expression. They always seem happy, probably because they are made of metal… Glancing back at the metal box in your entryway snaps your thoughts back to reality. How the hell are you going to move this anywhere? Your eyes are drawn to a blinking red button on the side you hadn't noticed before. Hopefully it’s the “Open” button and not “Self-Destruct”. With all the confidence you can muster, you press the button and wait for something to happen. An agonizing silence follows, until distinct gear turning and motor wrrring noises begin to emanate from the box. Like a birthday present made of tinfoil, the metal begins to unwrap itself and pour an unknown smoke out into your apartment. Your first thoughts are of the fire dampening systems firing off, but knowing your landlord, they probably haven't worked for years.

The smoke clears, the metal lies in a pile at your feet, and a shiny silver figure stands before you. Its form is definitely feminine in origin, but the steel plates that make up the body are all that fill your mind. They have to be at least a foot taller than you, as you stare up into its blank but imposing expression. “Uhh… Hello?” A rather cute set of chimes ring out from a circular design in the machine’s chest as pink lights spread outward from the center out to the limbs. The last line of lights to reach its goal is the one moving towards the head, as the eyes fill with light and the body hums with the moving of cogs and belts It’s head slowly turns towards you and a smile creeps up its face as a mixture of fear and excitement fills your heart.

“Hello! I'm Daniella and I'll be your new mistress!”

[gregorygerwitz]

i am IN LOVE with the new cozy trio hospital au its perfect !!!!!! (does it have a nickname?)

if you have more hcs or ideas to share from this universe please please do i absolutely want to hear them !! (no pressure though ofc)

⚡

[ AU moodboards ]

warnings for the moodboard post and below headcanons: drug use, addiction, depression, attempted suicide, abuse, hospital stays

The 2011 AU my beloved! Honestly, I did the math and realized Hailey was ~19 (by my birthday headcanons) when Jay was with Mouse in the hospital for his (also my headcanon) overdose in November of 2011. And for about... two weeks? This AU is one of the only things I've thought about. I have so many thoughts.

(and the only things I've been calling it are "the new cozy trio au" and "the 2011 au" it doesn't have an official tag or anything yet)

Hailey, who is still a teenager shows up to lunch that first day and Mouse's immediate reaction is to ask Jay why there's an infant in their booth (in his defense, he's still going through the worst of withdrawals and he's cranky, and he wasn't expecting a third person at lunch)

it wasn't Jay's plan to play host for more than a couple weeks - he wanted to give Mouse a comfortable place to get and stay clean, and he wanted to offer Hailey a warm, safe place to sleep until she can get her feet under her

then it's been three months and it doesn't look like that's changing any time soon, so they pool their money to get a bigger place, if only so Hailey doesn't have to keep sleeping on the couch

and, yeah, it's in a less great part of town, and it definitely feels as cheap as it is, but Jay's the only one between the three of them who has a steady income while Mouse and Hailey have minimum wage jobs without guaranteed hours, so they'll take what they can get while they try to save money

Hailey applies to the police academy the year she turns 21, both because she still remembers Trudy from her childhood and Jay is so excited about just moving up to Intelligence and she wants to be excited with him, to some extent

Mouse stays clean and sober after 2011, for the most part. there's relapses, and bouts of unemployment, and months where he misses his cut of the rent, but he has two roommates to catch him when he stumbles and offer the support he needs when he's struggling

of course, Jay helps him get into a rehab facility when he decides he wants to try the professional route of getting clean again, and helps him get the job with Intelligence once he's living in the apartment full time again

no one reenlists in this AU because as much as I love the parallels in canon the idea of splitting up the cozy trio when they're happy and stable makes me sad 💜

yes, everyone is tired of the trio agreeing each other and forming an automatic alliance during every case and disagreement, but there's nothing they can do to stop it

Voight tried to put his No Relationships Within The Unit rule into place but like... it's really hard to control them when they all live together and spend every minute away from work together? like he can try to enforce it but that's not gonna change the fact that their home has a huge bed that they all fit in and can lay around in every weekend to watch movies

it's just a lot of domestic chaos that comes from one shared traumatic week and the healing that comes after that, filled with a lot of unconditional emotional support

(bonus two of the three panicking and being protective of the other any time one of them is in danger, which, as in canon, is practically constantly)

[shewholovesall]

Don't Think About It

Don't think about it. I thought about it and it made me sad. Don't think about Remus Lupin alone in his home the week that his best friend's son must have gotten his letter because Harry just turned 11. Don't think about Remus celebrating Harry's birthday every year wishing he could be part of Harry's life. Don't think about Remus Lupin watching the clock on September 1st, 1991 and realizing that Harry must have gotten on the train and Harry Potter would be returning to the one place Remus felt at home. Don't think about how Reums would shut himself in his room on Halloween and not talk to anybody and grieved for his friends, even the one who he thought was a traitor because he felt the same person who gave him such good friends also took it away. Don't think about Remus Lupin having all is pictures from school and the first few years of school in boxes and hidden away so he can try and ignore the fact that people he loved are gone. Don't think about Remus Lupin getting a message from Hagrid to find pictures for Harry for a Christmas gift. Dont think about Remus Lupin going though his boxes for the first time in 10 years and finding and giving Harry his favorite pictures of his parents to try and bridge that gap between him and th little boy who probably doesn't remember him at all. Don't think about Remus having to force himself n to to show up at Hogwarts at the end of Harry's first year when hearing about him in the hospital wing and a death eater was near him. Dont' think about Remuse sometimes trying to be in Diagon Alley to just get a glimpse of his best friedn's son. Don't think about the fact that Remus didn't realize how much he would look like James and he sees a peak of him and he almost steps forward because for a moment he thinks its James and then Harry turns and he sees Lily in his eyes and then he goes back into the shadows because it wouldn't have been for Harry, it would have been for Remus. Don't think about Remus seeing Sirius Black escaping and then Remus being asked to be the professor at school. Dont think bout how Remus was going to take the train and picked a compartment that he and his friends had never sat in to try and lessen the memories that would overtake him once he got to school then he wakes when Dememtors come and then he sees Harry right next to him but it's still not time. Don't think about the fact that Remus was trying to connect with Harry but didn't want to force him and wished he could say I'm Uncle Moony and I love you and I want to help you the best I can but they are strangers.Don't think bout how in later books Remus Lupin was part of Harry's guard and insisted on it. Not because of the prophecy, not because he was assigned, but because that is his best friend's son, his other best friend LIly's son and he is protecting his nephew the best way he can and to try and make up for the years he was not part of his life.

[medicus-mortem]

@ikkaku-of-heart asked: “Despite your best efforts, it looks like you made it another year,” Ikkaku teased, giving Law a warm, loving hug. She’d been eagerly anticipating his birthday for weeks now, as she’d been putting together his gifts bit by bit. Some of them she figured he’d already gotten a peak of due to his regular scanning of the ship, but others she was confident he hadn’t quite been able to spoil himself for. The first gift was a thick coat that was a fairly convincing imitation of leopard fur in both appearance and texture. The next was a few new shirts, with the unspoken promise that his thieving engineer would let him actually wear them a few times before they inevitably found their way to her closet. But then there were the gifts Law couldn’t have known the contents of, even with his powers. One was a sort of handmade coupon book. Inside were slips of paper he could redeem for things like massages, first pick of morgue ice cream flavors, and even two whole opportunities for her to not argue with him on something (some exceptions apply, see fine print for details). The other item was a journal detailing their various cryptid hunts. It was a mix of chronicling the legends surrounding the beasts they’d gone after and detailed descriptions of just how cool Law had been taking them down and capturing them. “Happy birthday, Law,” she said with a bright grin, kissing him on the cheek. “I promise the journal is a lot less thirsty for monsters than you’re probably assuming. I figured you didn’t need any extra trauma with your gifts. Now hurry up and change! You gotta look sharp for your party!” Unprompted

Law rises from his desk, stretching out his back after a last minute period of work before the party for his birthday can start. Ikkaku doesn't knock when she comes in, simply throws open the door and presents him with both snark and his gifts. The doctor can't help the small smile that touches his features. The firsts thing he takes is the coat, fingers already toying with the fur and appreciating the calming affect it has on him. He hums in appreciation, liking the colour and form. Yep, he's definitely wearing this today.

The shirts get an appreciative once over but Law has a policy about wearing jackets without shirts so none of those are getting worn today. Then comes the coupon book and it draws out a laugh from the surgeon. He flips through it, smiling at some of the options here. How it reminds him of the coupon book he and Lamy made for their mother when they were kids. A small nostalgia wave of sadness hits him and he sighs as he puts the coupon book down on his table. It gets a lingering touch before he turns his attention to the last gift.

She really went out of her way to make this journal look like one of those old leather bound journals filled with hunting data. It looks good and Law does flip through it some, chuckling at Ikkaku's little illustrations that go along with some stories. He turns about and puts the book onto a shelf just above his desk, where he'll see it every day and have it within reach to read when sleep isn't available.

"I suppose it's a good thing I made it another year," he quips, turning a smirk to his adopted sister. "Now I get to tease you 'bout giving me a coupon book. What are you? Ten?"

He chuckles and steps closer to Ikkaku, pulling her into a one armed embrace as he hangs the furry jacket over his shoulder. He's smart ass about it but he does appreciate the gifts and the clear work that went into these. He appreciates everything his crew of beloved idiots do for him.

[rileystevensjournal]

12-15-2022

Hellooooooooooo everyone.

You'd think I would keep these records updated more but I feel like this is a blog that I update when I feel like it.

So much has happened since the last update. Over a year actually.

Welp, quick catch up.

Those friends I talked about in the last update, weeks later ghosted me. Why? Because one of them was cheating on their fiancé and knew I would tell them if I found out. Ghosting is traumatizing.

An old friend of mine died in a motorcycle accident. Won't go into too much. Still painful.

My dog died that Thanksgiving. That was the worst thing I have ever experienced and ironically I've gone through a lot. Again won't go into it too much. Also still painful.

My husbands family pretty much disowned us. But honestly it doesn't bother me at all. Snobs.

Made new friends. Much better bunch than the last.

Moved into a new house bout a month ago with one of those friends and her family. Hoping this helps everyone with finances.

Currently looking for a new job since I now live too far from work and it now sucks. Their management is terrible.

It's definitely been a rough year. But still pulling through.

I guess the main reason I wanted to update was because reading through my last posts I realized how depressing they are. But I mean that's the point of this blog but I did want to update with some positivity. Though the catch up is pretty sad. But that's just what went on. Currently things are well. I still have anxiety attacks every now and then but my support system is stronger. Even though my depression remains, that doesn't mean life cant move forward. And that's the main point of this blog. Showing someone who lives with their depression but doesn't let it control them. My past will forever haunt me in my mind but I won't hide and feel sorry for myself. That's not living. Even in my darkest moments I always remember that death is easy, but life is hard. That's why I work to achieve life. It's too beautiful to waste. It can suck, but one chooses what to do about it.

Well this was long and got sappy. I'll see you guys in the next update. Whenever that will be.

[polyampanbyautywaffle]

ashes to ashes to some rando's house

Last week was tough, but this week was stupid

Made a meal at the start of the week which I realised part way through I hadn't had since my cat was still with us. I remembered specifically because my partner had used a shit ton of mustard the last time and it tasted really bad. Anyway got a weird bout of sadness from that

Legit started collecting my cat's hairs I was finding around the place since my can't process things quickly autopilot said I didn't want a clipping of his fur when they asked right after he died (and they can't do it after the fact)

But this is where the real shit starts

Got a text on thursday mid morning saying my parcel containing his ashes from the crematorium was out for delivery. Had a big cry and started mentally preparing myself.

I'm fully jumpy af and jumping up any time I hear a car outside during the delivery window. The tracker thing shows where the driver is so i'm refreshing that a ton too

Refresh and it says 'delivered' with a picture of SOMEONE ELSE'S front door and listing literally half my surname as the person who accepted the parcel

I run out into the rain looking for something that resembles the door. My sister points out that the address on the tracking is actually the reverse of my door number so I go to that house. They say that they did try to deliver to them but took it away when they realised it wasn't the right address, but that the delivery person said they thought they knew someone with a similar name on a different road (all the roads around here have the same first two words so v helpful)

So I'm basically running round the roads like i've lost it, super upset and anxious and call the depot customer service people to see if I can get through to the driver and see where my baby is. I don't know people in the area that well, I don't know if they'll just throw out an unwanted package, or sell the figurine that his ashes are in, I am panicking. Customer service say they can't get through to the driver but will send them a message and put a note on the system

Yesterday I call first thing to get an update - most importantly to find out if he is back at the depot or not. They say yes, the parcel made it back, the address had been corrected and would be with me that day. I start the day pretty jumpy as before but frankly don't have the energy to keep it up

Parcel doesn't come of course

I call again today and they say that I have to get the sender to update the address details before they can send it to me. I've phoned the crematorium and left a message making it clear what they need to do and how unhappy I am about it but of course they are closed on weekends

the good news is that he's not actually at some rando's house being smoked or what the fuck ever haha

but seriously how can you get someone's address wrong when you're sending them the remains of their pet

[thebraxiatelcollection]

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of me taking annual leave when my parents request me to, saying they’ll be off the week I am and yet we don’t do anything.

[lucielerror]

Bored

CW (s): SAGAU, angst-y maybe?, death (in bonus part), SLIGHT religious theme (in bonus part; last bullet point)

Summary: You aren't logging in to Genshin as much anymore and everyone's getting really worried. Are you tired of them?

A/N: Something a little bit more sad? Because someday, I won't be able to play Genshin anymore and that leaves me wondering sometimes... how will my characters feel? (also i swear I need to make proper headers) Also, I swear I'm not a Xiao main. I just like using sad characters😋

Paimon was panicking.

It started with just a day or two, which turned into more days, and eventually weeks, when they started noticing the absence of your presence. Paimon would understand if you didn't come back for a few days, she knows that you get tired quite easily and you needed your rest. However, the intervals of your rest were getting longer, more frequent and more haphazard. The past few weeks, she's been watching the traveller sleep and it was definitely worrying her. She even had to ask your acolytes to help move the traveller to a safer and more comfortable place lest something bad happened to them that she couldn't stop.

Did something bad happen to you? She can't even feel your usual lingering presence in the stars anymore!

A small whine escapes her throat as she carefully floats down beside the traveller. Master Diluc was kind enough to lend one of his rooms in Dawn Winery for them and even provide them with any other necessities, not that the traveller was awake to need them....

"How's the traveller? Have they woken up yet?" Have you come back for them yet?

Master Diluc strides in, a worried scowl set on his face. His usually ironed clothes now crumpled and littered with specks of dust and mud. Ah, his... nightly routine. Even in this situation, he still works without rest. Behind him follows Albedo, presumably for the traveller's check-up.

Even though Paimon knew the answer, she still had to look back just to ... you know... double-check if a miracle had happened in the few seconds she turned away from the traveller.

"Paimon's been waiting in silence. Not even a peep or squeak from the traveller, geez! Look at them sleeping so soundly when just a few w-weeks ago, they were complaining about Paimon sleeping too much! Hmph..." Her lips wobbled just a tiny bit before she's wailing with her whole chest and fat tears dropping onto the traveller's clothes.

She feels a hand gently pat her head and another rubbing comforting circles on her back.

"Now, now. Don't fret too much, I'm sure the traveller will wake up soon and they will come back. Maybe they're just on a little vacation on a nice summer island, right?" Albedo's calm voice brings Paimon out of her hysterics, her wails slowly turning into soft sniffles and the occasional sob.

【 ✦ 】

While your acolytes have tried to keep the situation on the down-low to minimise any worries or chaos, word still reached many vision-holders, especially the archons.

Xiao balances on a thick tree branch, watching the scene unfold through the window. The Mondstadt bard he's definitely the Anemo Archon, he's not stupid, and how could Xiao not recognise him of all people, floats beside him, the usual lyre seen in his hands missing and his upbeat attitude replaced with a solemn one.

"How bout you, Xiao? You're one of the chosen acolytes, right? Have you felt even just a hint of their presence?"

Xiao shakes his head, his eyebrows furrowed as he scoffed. "I've seen enough. I still need to meet up with the others to complete the daily missions at least. Guard them properly." He doesn't wait even a second for a reply before he's teleporting back to the statue in Windrise with the party waiting for any news.

Upon his arrival, everyone's head snapped to him, eyes full of worry. No one needed to voice out the question and it seems like they got their answer when they saw Xiao's expression. A unison of sighs filled the air.

"D-don't worry guys! I'm sure they'll come back soon! After all, they've spent so much time and effort on us, they couldn't possibly just abandon all of that, right?" Bennett let out an obviously forced grin and offered a shaky thumbs up. Awkward silence filled the air and Bennett drooped in response. Barbara gave him a pat on the back for comfort, and also for thanks with the attempt to cheer them up.

Yanfei clears her throat, summoning her book and flipping through the pages to find what seems like a list, "Right... so, we're done with the commissions for today. We've also fixed and boosted the leylines with the help of others. I've checked everyone's stats and fixed it, improved some too. Plus, I got us some extra artefacts and loot that I'm sure they won't notice in their inventory. All that's left to do now is... wait, I suppose." She counts off her list and snaps her book shut, nodding.

Xiao hums in approval and thanks, folding his arms. "I'll head back to Liyue then. Call out my name if anything happens."

Zhongli puts down his tea, "So it seems they're not back yet. I assume Venti knows of this as well. Knowing him, he will send the news to the other archons as well. Your hard work is appreciated, Xiao, and same as of the party. Should you need anything, do not be afraid to ask me for help. I shall see to it. For now, I advise you to get some rest if possible."

Xiao bows his head in respect. "Thank you. I shall be in the teapot should there be any need for me."

【 ✦ 】

Another month passes.

Bennett gulps nervously, gnawing at his already abused lips, "I think... t-they're bored of us Teyvat now... bored of us." Some vision holders had gathered in the living room of Dawn Winery, calling an emergency meeting, not being able to wait anymore without addressing your absence.

"That... seems like the most probable reason right now. While it is a saddening fact, it is but a part of life. We cannot help it nor can we force them to stay, if they are not willing. What you choose to do after is up to you. You can choose to forget them and resume to your normal lives, or you can choose to wait as well. However, I shall warn you that if ever, anyone harbours any ill-feelings towards them, do keep yourself in check or I will deal with you personally." Zhongli's eyes sweeps across the whole room, a fiery amber gaze meeting each and every pair of eyes. The 2 other archons who could make it nodded in agreement, standing on either side of him, painting a whole scene of intimidation and authority.

People exchange uneasy glances, before a brave soul decided to step up. Diluc clears his throat, "Thank you for that, Mr. Zhongli. I do have a matter to add on to. It's about the traveller. If they never do come back, that would mean the traveller would sleep eternally. However, as for now, I still need some volunteers to help me with taking care of the traveller. My maids and servants do help with the traveller a lot, but there are days where I have to be away from the winery. If anyone would like to volunteer to watch over them on such days, it is greatly appreciated."

A few hands shoot up and some voices chime out an "I will help!" Diluc says out another thanks before stepping back into the crowd.

So that was it then.

Bonus (a few random characters react to you never coming back)

Paimon who never leaves the traveller's side, even after everyone dies of old age, she still looks after them. Sometimes it was hard finding a safe shelter for the traveller and her. But she managed to find a peaceful resting place for the traveller! No enemies, no bad weather, nothing at all... and no one at all... Of course she felt lonely, but she still thinks: what if one day, the traveller wakes up but no one's there to greet them? Paimon will make sure that does not happen!

Venti who never stops singing stories about you and of course, the great deeds of the traveller. Even when some of his statues began corroding, when he sees his Mondstadt friends leaving the world, he never stops. Sometimes he thinks about adopting the traveller's form because the instances where their face blurs out scares him, but he never ends up doing it because the form just seems too sacred for him. Too good for him. He doesn't want to tarnish your or the traveller's reputation.

Hu Tao who feels conflicted. She knows death is a natural part of life. But you weren't dead were you? The traveller wasn't dead definitely because last time she checked, they were definitely breathing. Sometimes, she feels the urge to visit Baizhu to do something about the traveller, anything to wake them up. Then, she has to have a whole session of self-reflection to remind herself of her values, the ones she followed her whole life. She should respect your decision to leave and let the traveller rest in peace.

Rosaria who becomes even more bitter with life. She scoffs even more at the idea of the divine. Why did she even let herself have a tiny bit of hope that you could somewhat help her? Ridiculous, honestly. She tries to forget that you ever existed, she manages. There are still times when the traveller's face pops up in the tiny little corner of her mind but nothing she can't handle just by ignoring it. It's whatever.