#doing anything i can to prevent the thoughts tm

[bleeding-cyanide]

ugh. vent in tags cuz notes app is too far away just keep scrolling dw abt it

[underprivilegedcactus]

Something has been niggling at the back of my mind about Gale and his falling out with Mystra for a while now.

Before we begin, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here and say that I love Gale to pieces and even if this thing I've been thinking about turned out to be canon, I still want to drop kick Mystra. But like I said, a though occured to me about the circumstances of their break up.

In short, what if their breakup wasn't because Gale didn't listen to Mystra when she told him to not go after the piece of the weave he thought was hers? What if, instead, it was the final straw after a long history of Gale going after sources of power that Mystra repeatedly told him to leave alone?

Ignoring the fact that wizards are pushed to always aim higher anyways, we know that Gale is someone who has always sought out more power, opinions of (most) others and consequences be damned. How many terrifyingly powerful objects ended up in his tower because Mystra mentioned them and he decided to collect them? How many did she emphatically tell him to leave alone because they were too dangerous? How many times did he nearly cause a disaster because he assumed that because he was the mighty Gale of Waterdeep, it wouldn't go wrong? How many times did Mystra or Elminster have to save his ass?

To be clear, even if this is the truth it still doesn't justify her treatment of him, but to me it would make a bit more sense as to why she ghosted him after he absorbed the orb. It's still on brand for her to do that after one big disaster, but cutting off all contact is frankly a bit extreme for a first offense, regardless of the magnitude of the failure. But if the orb came after a series of situations where she told him to leave stuff be or to be more patient and he repeatedly refused to listen to her, I think even I would be pissed off enough to not want to talk to him either, at least not for a while.

No one appreciates having their knowledge and advice repeatedly ignored, especially if you are literally the primary source on all things magic. The literal Goddess of Magic told him this was neither something she wanted nor was it something that Gale was equipped to handle, and Gale thought he knew better anyways. And I know there's a million fair reasons as to why Gale is the way he is, the least of which is from going through the Gifted Person (TM) experience where you're told all your life that you're special and head and shoulders above your peers. It's still harmful to believe you know better than people objectively more qualified.

Unfortunately, this can be hard to see under how vile Mystra is to him. I'll probably write about that soon in another novel of a post, but I just wanted to throw out a potential angle that some people might have missed when it comes to Mystra and Gale's breakup. Again, it's not canon, and it's not even my own personal headcanon or anything, but it is something that's come to mind when thinking about their relationship and how it ended. I still love Gale, and if anything this just adds a really interesting potential layer to his backstory.

P.S.: It has also occured to me that Gale was extraordinarily lucky that whatever magical seal he broke when he opened the book didn't just immediately cause the Karsus weave to detonate right then and there and kill thousands of people in Waterdeep. Gale's mistake was honest, but it was an extremely foolish one and entirely preventable.

P.P.S: Editing some typos and also wholeheartedly agreeing that Gale wasn't only looking for raw power, but knowledge and pushing the boundaries of the weave! ☺️

[ilikekidsshows]

Retooled Marinette makes me feel ashamed that I ever believed in her to grow out of her flaws and I hate that. Doesn't the show say that people refusing to change for the better when given the chance makes them bad people and deserving of the worst? Not that I agree with that line of thinking, but when Chloé got written off in s3 despite the slow but noticeable progress she made then the same should apply to Marinette now in season 5, right?

She was given a second chance by Cat Noir at the end of season 4 and Marinette refused to take it for more than self-validation. She straight up left when she wasn't rewarded for season 4 with Cat sticking his tongue down her throat for real, but sure, tell me about her having "learned and feeling sorry". She STILL didn't ask for his feelings and needs even ONCE in season 5. Or at least, I can't remember anything. Just Marinette still only doing with Cat whatever SHE wants and then getting pissed when she was told no. Which Adrien then was blamed for cause Marinette can't life without being pampered.

By the show's own logic, season 5 should have been the one having doomed Marinette as irredeemable in her "partnership" with Cat Noir because her inaction and unwillingness to face her real flaws in Ladynoir and work on it because it makes her uncomfortable to hear even a single not-validating word lead to Cat Noir not making it to the end battle, and instead he resigned to his lonely doom locked up in a cell with nightmares in a different country after having lost his private life, because he was forbidden to ask for even the tiniest thing in this "partnership".

Sure, she didn't actively sacrifice him, but she did less than nothing to ever help him or allow him to think that he has worth beyond what use and relief she gets outta him. She demanded that he can't make decisions for his own sake cause that stresses (tm) her and he must wait for however long until she finally may be able to spare some time to remember him in any of this. If he asks for anything, he's abusive scum that's horrifically suffocating her and must learn to know his place at her feet and servitude or else she'll probably start crying again that she's so pure-hearted and faultless in Cat's irrational neediness to be viewed as human being with worth. She'll just wobble with her lips and that's it. She never did more anyway. No wonder Catrien was left with nothing and didn't make it. Being stuck with Ladynette basically means you've got nothin on your side, but still have to prey and be grateful that shes even giving you "that much"

Everything can only ever happen on HER terms and whenever SHE deems it necessary to happen. And yet she never EVER did a single thing to prevent the finale situation from happening. 5 full seasons and Cat Noir still had NOTHING but she sure is still screaming for more.

It was more important to her that SHE gets to do and have whatever she needs than making sure Cat has ANYTHING or any kind of way to ask for help when he needs it. That's supposed to be her pure love? No thought ever spared for him besides what SHE wants from him? Heaven have mercy on Adrien...

Hawkmoth is gone now, the mission is over. Nothing will undo the fact that Marinette wholeheartedly risked Cat Noir's well-being and safety to a lonely doom with a smile on her face because she apparently needed to be pampered and been given everything first before she could ever even start humoring the idea of giving a damn about Cat as a person who doesn't deserve a helpless and lonely doom.

How unfortunate that Marinette in Canon doesn't agree with me on that. She DOES apparently think Cat deserves to meet his end all alone and without anything to help himself as long as he mets his end outside her view so she can make further excuses for herself and why she's the bigger victim actually. That's all she ever cared about, what's supposed to change now?

I once thought Marinette was supposed to CARE for Cat Noir and not just for what consequences she'll face for his horrible treatment and end. I have never seen a protagonist be this rewarded and excused for being self-centered and willfully ignorant to outright toxic degrees. That girl is almost PROUD of her negligence and toxicity and only cares about not being viewed as bad for it. Cause she had her chance in season 5 and quickly proved that her understanding of making up for her flaws is "I'll allow you to dedicate yourself to my care and comfort even more. Your welcome 😊". Is that supposed to be effort? A caring display of partnership? Shes literally just letting herself get pampered but gives nothing of substance back.

Good for Adrien for leaving in Kwamis Choice. I hope he'll dump Ladynette's ass again in both identities in season 6 cause no way is that girl not gonna horribly neglect Adrien now in and outside the mask again. Season 4 Ladynoir is just gonna repeat itself now cause Marinette learn SHIT and she'll be too busy (tm) again with everything else to be there for her boyfriend who just became an orphan.

I wouldn't be surprised if we get another original Glaciator-like situation, with Adrien waiting for hours for Marinette in his garden with the picnic he prepared for their date, but Marinette forgot about it cause she's busy as Ladybug with her army of unnecessary heros no one fucking needs.

She'll of course only make excuses and not actually try and improve my. The orphan will just need to learn and not "mistreat" his girlfriend by being "needy" and "unreasonably controlling" by wanting her to there for him.

I have no hope that Marinette is not gonna neglect the hell outta Adrien now, I honestly fell so stupid and betrayed now after almost a decade of emotional investment that I once had so much hope in her character and the show killed all of it. I hope at least Lila gets her fun outta this cause Marinette is the rotten link in the love square, not Adrien. The love square always goes to shit the second Adrien needs something and Marinette never learns ANYTHING besides crying harder to still get her way.

I shouldn't want for Lila to wreck shit, but ngl I honestly do. Let her be the one to tell Adrien of the secrets, ironically I could actually TRUST in that to be honest and not Marinette-biased.

---

I’ve grieved over the loss of a character I enjoyed. Because that’s what it is: a loss. I recently went back and watched some season one episodes and those are still good. Marinette is a fun, empowering protagonist you can root for and Adrien is allowed to be intelligent and helpful. It feels like the writers actually had faith in Marinette as a character, that they didn’t need to make everyone else look like stooges for her to look good. Adrien was allowed to have feelings and thoughts separate from what Marinette wants, but I do remember the fandom hating him for this, so I bet those people consider the remote control RealDoll that's been abused into submission an improvement.

I also went through a phase of thinking: “was I wrong to think this show that showed its protagonist’s failures to communicate as a bad thing was going to have her grown out of it?” but then I realized that, actually, no other kids’ superhero show with this setup would NOT develop its protagonist into a more understanding and considerate version of themselves. They would know better than to have the hero’s final confrontation with their main (only) villain be caused by them actively ignoring said villain’s schemes and getting jumped. This has been Superhero Writing 101 since Spider-Man. The crew behind Miraculous are just either staggeringly bad at understanding basic storytelling, or they think they’re making a show for syndication, which commonly aren’t allowed to have shifts in status quo in order to allow the showing of episodes in any order. They have said that the show is fully serialized now, so you know which one I think it is.

It really makes me wonder. Astruc insists he has enough story ideas that he’s only used 5% of them, and, like, the show is so repetitive it better be only 5% of any epic storyline. Although, I have no faith in Astruc’s creativity or ability to come up with stories or characters that aren’t copied from better writers, so undoubtedly the 95% percent to go is just more of the same. But, Marinette already won her RealDoll prize and committed felonies to humiliate her school nemeses, so what is there left for her to forsake her morals for in the future 7 seasons of 12 total? Is someone else gonna swoop in to keep Adrien away from Marinette just so that Marinette can start up with her harebrained schemes again?

I have no doubt Marinette is going to be doing weird shit to keep Adrien in the dark about the various things she’s keeping from him, having to rush over to a date she forgot all about because she was too busy with herself again, or stalking Adrien any time he hangs out with people other than her. And through all of this the writers will expect us to side with Marinette and root for her because she has “good intentions”, she’s stressed out or she’s insecure about Adrien’s love for her. I have no faith in Marinette’s ability to be a good girlfriend because of the writers’ inability to write her as someone I’d trust around someone she has feelings for.

As for rooting for the villain, a lot of people are pointing out how Lila is the most likely person to tell Adrien the truth at this point, because doing so is “bad” because it will make Marinette look bad. When the “bad” thing to do is to respect Adrien’s right to know about his dad being a villain and he himself being a remote control robot anyone can easily control or destroy, yeah, I’m gonna be rooting for the bad guy. Never mind with how the “perfect” world Marinette is enjoying was created by her conceding victory to the previous main villain, you bet I view it as something that should be undone.

[prototypelq]

Pan thoughts because I am normal TM about him:

- Unless Grace shows her interest in him (aka romance route / Let's Dance), Pan is almost absent from the story.

He only appears twice - in the beginning, and at the end for the trial - cause that's a formal procedure all gods have to be present for. There are four optional encounters: if you come meet him before the Reliquary, he'll ask to complete a favour for Asterion, another encounter is handing in that the favour, Medusa encounter, plus the final meeting before the trial. Freddie is present with Grace for the most of the game, Apollo - has at least 6 encounters, even if you don't play the game with him (apartment, Underworld, Aphrodite's Party, Hades, Trial), Persephone - 3 encounters (Underworld, Hades, Trial). Back to Pan - none of the gods really speak about him. Except Persephone and Apollo, who are trying to both dismiss and point fingers at him at the beginning. After that, none of the gods ever mentions Pan again.

It's almost like he is very much an outsider among the pantheon, probably right until he needs a favour, or somebody needs his favours.

- It's kind of logical that Pan is the outsider in the pantheon, if you think about it thematically. All the other gods have clear niches they control and keep in order. Nature is anything But order, in fact, if nature is anything - it finds order only in constant struggle or the constant redefining of scale, in Change. So yeah, a god of Dis-order could very much be antithetical to other gods of Order. If Calliope was looking to shake things up, then he would certainly be one of her first choices for allies in her quest.

- This makes it easy to understand how exactly Pan got tangled up in the whole mess. He span his web of favours, which were all small little things (probably), but it caught a prey so big Pan was stunned so hard, his agency basically went out the window, until the case was closed.

- Okay, now for the particular lines in different versions of I Can Teach You (aka Lost Girls, Time To Shine and Morning Fades), if, For Some Reason you haven't finished the game yet - please do. It's short and definitely worth your time, cause it's amazing. also I really need to talk about this so Big Tangent Ahead

I'll do these song by song.

Morning Fades - It's in the name of the song - Pan is... pretty much the only god who reminds Grace she is or a strict timer. Every other god, by some reason or another - drags her into their own problems, which she helps to solve, and only after that can she make progress in the case. You know. While being sentenced to death in a week. Grace has to solve the problems these gods have been brewing in for, at least, decades AND prove her innocence, so her sentence to death can be prevented. Pan is the only one, who reminds Grace, multiple times, that 'Time's a wasting', she needs to hurry, and doesn't take any more of her time than he should.

Morning fades and the day wastes away, Grace You can't wait, Grace, don't delay

Another line, that gives us a very clear insight into Pan is this line right here:

This Freddie is a friend you can use, but this isn't playtime Time to choose

You get this line only in the purest form of Morning Fades (aka all blue), in which Pan leads unsure Grace along through the song, but Freddie is ignored and she does a final solo to try to get through to Grace. Pan sings those lines with remorse, he values the devotion Freddie demonstrates, even if he did call her Lost Girl a few times throughout the song. But despite his own lines - previously they were Time To Play, now that time is over, cause the song is over. This is the time to solve murder of a goddess, and while Pan does not like dividing the girls, he sees there is no place for Freddie in this adventure, and thinks that it would be too dangerous for her.

There will be more evidence of Pan's personal motivation later, I have only just remembered the Green version of Morning Fades, and it's very interesting. This is the song where Grace tries to follow Pan's advice and direction in her first steps, then gets carried away by the song and her bestie into their own fun musical, all while ignoring Pan.

You think you don't need me, just cause' you can't read me

This line is quite straightforward - Pan knows he is acting shady, but reinforces that his intentions are genuine, if only the girls could see through their first impression of him.

Time To Shine - now, this version is interesting, cause here we have Grace who is rebelling against every possible notion of control, or even help, and Pan loves this song anyway. This song proves that Pan was honestly just trying to help (and quieten the misguided guilt he feels), so as long as Grace can use her power and has a mind sharp enough to find the proof the needs - he is satisfied. And he really is! It's clear from the get-go that Grace is independent, clever and fiery enough to handle everything herself, so he rolls along with her, confident in her abilities.

Actually, in this version he is quieter than normal - he throws a line about Freddie, but otherwise between the first Time to Shine and the star scene chorus he keeps silent - Grace wants spotlight, so he steps aside to hear her out.

Yes! This is your time! Time to shine!

It's also fun that, in his first verse he always Grace to hurry up, here instead he is getting so excited about her number that he throws in

Yes, a solo! Go for it, we got time! (solo) Grace, you're starting to comprehend Let me show you more, or show me the door!

He sings that line very excitedly, which is very silly and fun xD. It is to be expected then, that Pan joins in Grace's final Time To Shine chorus almost instantly.

Lost Girls - this song is very interesting, cause in this version the girls are pretty much dismissing Pan completely, and fully give into the song, they get carried away to have their own fun musical number. This time Pan has to ground them back into reality - in other versions he gets excited over the number, well, not in this one. This Pan is grumpy - his advice is being dismissed, he is not taken seriously, and he cannot fully deliver the message he wants to convey, or the lesson he wants Grace to learn.

Grace: Lost girls, lost girls, you all love your lost girls, A rescue that you can take home Pan: I won't say you need saving, you're not drowning, you're waving

In this first Lost Girls verse he is still being playful, but even in the beginning he has to placate with both hands that he is not a danger and only wants to help. But if Grace keeps ignoring Pan's advice, he starts to get more serious.

You're lucky I got to you There's people who'll come for you I'm hurt you're making so much ado You're lost and I'm trying to help!

Okay so, knowing the events of the game, I can't be the only one thinking of Aphrodite here, right? That's my best guess as to what Pan is referring. The girls keep on getting carried away, and he has to just straight-up state he only wants to help.

Interesting, that even after being ignored and rightfully grumpy about that, Pan is still willing to join into the trio singing together. He's also delighted by that solo is particular xD

I never knew I had that in me!

Even after half a song, Freddie still keeps freaking out about the whole 'musical' thing, and to that Pan says, with a literal facepalm:

You don't understand Nothing for Grace will ever be the same!

If Grace goes for the full song here and green ending, then Grace and Eddie happily continue singing their troubles away, and at this, Pan really gets frustrated. So much so, that he goes plainspeak, even though the Green Lost Girls solo seems to be his favourite moment in any variation of I Can Teach you.

Really? Now you're just being silly Maybe the Muse isn't feeling the gravity? Or do you refuse and, like ostriches, happily stick your heads in the sand? Grace, I could be your right hand Freddie, you'd better leave her alone Let me do what I do, or she'll sink like a stone

The way Pan keeps on insisting so hard that Grace needs someone's guidance has me thinking that either there have been accidents with new idols, who were unable to control their powers properly before, or maybe it was his own personal struggle with control over the abilities, and he was wishing hard for someone's help at the time.

It's also weird that he keeps on pressing that Grace needs assistance here, even after she has choreographed an entire musical number right before his very eyes, all without a hitch, and she is clearly a natural. For some reason the way Grace and Freddie get so much carried away scares him particularly? Then again, in the Time to Shine versions Pan is perfectly fine with letting Grace do whatever she wants, because she demonstrated skill and independence. In this version, she demonstrates the same things, but uses them to have a song with her bestie, and This triggers Pan for a reason. Interesting.

Kind of a similar situation happens with Green version of Morning Fades, actually. The end of the song has Pan start the usual Morning Fades chorus, but then the girls come in and literally steal the spotlight from him, and this forces Pan into plainspeak.

Pan: You think I'm the danger? You have no idea. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to hide, But do we make merry or should you get ready? Finally grow up and take it outside. Grace: So wait, are you saying you won't work with Freddie? Pan: She couldn't be less qualified

A stark contrast to the original full-blue Morning Fades, where Pan regrets dividing the girls, isn't it.

So Pan has mentally allowed a very specific fun-zone, meaning this one musical number, which he is happy and excited to engage in, but he won't let the girls get carried away with their fun forever, and tries very hard to ground them back if they do.

[dairy-farmer]

Ooooooh Had A Thought >.>

Remember the Justice Lords? There are legit "Evil Who Think They Are Heros Just Doing What Must Be Done(tm)" versions of our beloved Bats. And? Depending on the timeline? Their Reign of terror/Authoritarian takeover? May have started amping up around that time Jason supposedly "pushed" somebody of a building.

Batman may have just... been okay with that. Never lost Jason.

But! Imagine if in this universe he was a BIT more paranoid. Made sure Dick didn't use his family's signature move. Nothing to connect the two. A secret kept secret.

Tim follows for a while but... well... things start getting... DANGEROUS.

No longer the Batman he was supposed to be. Tim stops. Batman has broken his heart. Robin, how could you? Etc.

The Bats go full Dark Timeline. No ones having fun. They try to "Bring Justice, Bring ORDER" to other worlds. Like they did their's.

Get a face full of Absolutely The Fuck Not with a side of Get Out Of Our Reality from the normal JLA. And?? Whoms't is that? There is an extra, BRILLIANT, Robin. Vicious and deadly. Brutal in a fight.

They don't have one.

Why do they not have one? Their realities should be nearly identical. This makes no...

Their Bruce grapples, they are being forced back. They have seconds. There! A lucky grab. Cowl ripped back.

Timothy Drake? They lose footing. Sucked back towards their own reality. The Kryptonian clone preventing them from taking Drake with them. And then it's over.

The others are raging. Cursing and stomping like children. But all they can think is... he? Was RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

And imagine it. You like in a tyranny. The newscasters hide fear behind frozen smiles. God like men and women overthrew everything, kill as they please and change the rules to suit them. It's IMPERATIVE no one suspects you EVER have been anything less then enthusiastically supportive. People disappear for less.

The world went mad before you were ever old enough to do anything about it.

And suddenly? Your creepy, reclusive neighbors, with too much power, somehow connected to The Powers That Be, are acting like they KNOW you. Not your family. YOU.

Acting really, REALLY friendly. Want to Be your friiiiend.

Showing up everywhere.

Your parents trips are suddenly being green lit. But there is an under tone of "don't come back". They are afraid. You are afraid.

Ha ha! Don't WORRY, says your neighbor, he'll look out for you!

You've never spoken.

His hand feels possesive on your shoulder. His children LOOM. Smiling and smiling all around you like beautiful sharks.

You don't understand.

It's like they all share a secret about you that you don't know. They keep poking and prodding, trying to get more and more of you. LEARN more and more about you.

And the lingering touches. So many lingering touches. You're so tense, so tired, you could shake to pieces.

There hasn't been an Ivy attack in YEARS, not since she was...

Yet somehow the buildings hit. JUST your rooms. You're not stupid. Can't breathe. Too hot! Their faces cooing masks of "concern". Oh noooo. They say. How could this HAPPEN? They hum.

Hands already patting and stroking. Scooping you up. And? Tim is not DUMB.

He squirms. Tries to hold on to coherent thought. But it's pointless. He's outnumbered.

And they aren't ANIMALS, they'd protest. They are so very, very sweet. So gentle. So loving. Help their Timmy finally relax and feel so, so good. Hands that guide him up and down. That hold him still while others move. Skin to kiss, a clever little mouth, ready to devour.

So warm. They are OBSESSED.

Just? Imagine getting turned into the Emotional Support Fuck Robin for the Evil Bit Think They're Heroes BatFam all because your ALTERNATE self was a bamf.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can just imagine the GuILT that would hit tim and the other universe when they look into the invading universe to both keep tabs and to make sure they can't come back because dealing with hostile universes is more of 'keep an eye on it' sort of situation. of course its not long before they find out what's happening.

no one but tim had seen the...oddness in the other bats' behavior towards him. tim notes it in his report about how he was unmasked by the other dick moments before they were forcibly sucked into their world and something about the intent look that had been shot at him...unnerved tim. having someone like dick grayson lock on you with that sort of intensity is never a good thing.

so tim is...worried. something in hus gut just turned at the lock the other dick grayson had given him. it wasn't hostile. not like how the other bats had been to their own counterparts. the other bats had been whopping them good. it wasn't until him, cass, steph, and barbara were called in that many of the plans the other bats set up dissolved. but unlike the others there hadn't been such a...lingering sense. the other batman had perked up and drifted their eyes to him when they learned that it had been tim's plan that resulted in the rescue of the other bats. there was something...appraising in that look but also something...hungry. like a starving, half-rabid coyote stumbling across an injured bunny.

it turned tim's stomach and so when the report of the other world comes in tim can't hold back the visceral reaction of what they were doing to their tim. their tim who had nothing to do with bats and who had lived a perfectly normal life with his parents until that bruce sent them away and threatened them with torture and death if they ever returned.

tim can't help him.

THEY. the justice league of his world can't help them. opening portals to other worlds blurs their lines, makes it easier for the influence of one to enter another. the monitoring is just so they can keep an eye on it which they construct whatever barriers they need to to keep their universe separate.

the justice league doesn't like going in to other universes and "saving" or liberating it. its too much of a gray area because then what's to stop them from going into EVERY universe that they find distasteful and doing the same? no. best to keep their noses to their own grindstone and let the universes of others be no matter how torturous it might be.

and so now tim is stuck...watching. and thinking about his cowl being pulled off his face in those final moments while starving eyes dug into him.

[ultfan]

HYPER-SEXUALITY AND THE TRAGEDY.

it's sinday and that means i finally can talk about one of my favorite headcanons about komaeda in the tragedy. strap in folks — and hold your judgement because i know it sounds really fucking funny at first (and it is) but i promise i have deep thoughts about this.

as i've mentioned before, i do believe that komaeda would be hyper-sexual. and i do mean hyper-sexual — not that he has a high sex drive — but rather the fact it is an issue that plagues him and inconveniences him. this, rather than being a proper addiction or even a trauma response, is instead due to his ftd. meaning that this isn't really something he can work on/fix with therapy or most typical ways of treatment. however, hyper-sexuality is one of the handful of ftd symptoms that can be dealt with via medication. and i do believe that komaeda is medicated for his health issues.

however... once the tragedy hits i do not believe that he would be able to keep getting his prescriptions. and even if he could, i don't know if he would. be it the ultimate despair mindset or simply because he has bigger fish to fry. and so, it becomes something at the forefront of his mind again.

now, i have often seen the fandom depict komaeda in the tragedy as a sexual deviant. depravity is welcome in the tragedy and thus he is able to fuck freely. thanks to the existence of the servant persona, some people even go the extra mile with that... (personally, i don't think that "servant" existed prior to udg — but that's another thing for another time). however, despite everything i've said: i think komaeda was the least sexually active member of ultimate despair during their time of operation.

lerf — i hear you cry — how can this be?! well, let's talk about how ultimate despair is:

often it is easy to forget that ultimate despair isn't extremely hedonistic in their actions. they too despair — they may revel in it, but they do cause pain to themselves as they cause pain onto others. they'll kill and torture, but they'll also destroy their own families and bodies. ultimate despair is not indiscriminate in spreading despair. there is suffering on the part of everyone involved. be it via mutilating themselves, starving themselves, or something else.

and so i bring you the thing i have been alluding to for fucking weeks (maybe months???) on this blog at this point: the cage(tm).

aka: the komaeda chastity cage era.

okay, okay, get the giggles out because this is serious business (yes it's also really funny conceptually but stick with me). komaeda's hyper-sexuality is something that is gonna unfortunately plague his mind with constant sexual thoughts and desires. he literally cannot help it. and to prevent him fro alleviating these desires someone (likely junko <3 thanks queen) could lock him up in a chastity cage. which would not only make it fucking worse, but also completely stop him from getting any real satisfaction/gratification even if he did have a sexual encounter. in essence: he is fucking suffering ladies, gentleman, and everything in between.

it is a special brand of torment just for him. it's not a kink thing or anything like that — it's not fun for him at all. it's distracting, it's annoying, it's stressful, and it is a constant source of frustration. and before you comment, yeah this is logistically sound — he can pee, and depending on the type he can probably clean it pretty well if need be. i did my fucking research (i'm committed you guys).

anyway if junko doesn't keep the key i do think the idea of ultimate despair fucking trading it around is super fucking funny. taunt him, bully him, whatever. this is me fighting against overly sexualized version of tragedy komaeda. what if he was sopping wet and pathetic guys? have we considered this? well, now you have.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

Theory on the timelines in S-Class Heroine

Disclaimer: These are speculations based on the 152 chapters that I’ve read so far.

If you’re a webnovel reader who's read spoilers past Ch152, please don’t confirm or deny anything in this post, thank you <3

If you're a webcomic reader, obviously do not click read more if you haven't read until around chapter 140. I'm so serious it will ruin your reading experience.

Establishing some essentially-confirmed facts/assumptions

Although Ailette hasn't realised it yet, it's already been confirmed by the TM gods that she's not in the 17th timeline. I'm pretty sure she's on the 101st-cum-100th timeline. The 101st Tesilid is the one she saved and is journeying with, while the 100th Tesilid is Reed.

I think what happened when the 101st lived as Reed is that he got sealed by Cardinal Cartelyana and the other 4 heroes into a dungeon. The very same dungeon that Ailette got the save point from; the one with a prisoner that Ailette thought was the boss but which the 3rd person narration confirmed was the prisoner. Ailette closes the dungeon, killing the prisoner and causing her sin counter to become "1". (Although to be fair that 1 might be referring to another incident, since sin can include things other than causing someone's death.)

Tesilid being the dungeon's prisoner explains why he has such a paralyzing fear of the dark and silence - because that's what he dealt with for an unknown length of time. There must've been some kind of mechanism that prevented him from killing himself, because that would have caused him to regress and therefore cut his punishment short. 

I think the dungeon must've been one where the flow of time in the dungeon was many times faster than that of the real world. So Tesilid could have spent a million years undying in there, but the world would have progressed by only one second and therefore it has not reached the point of them where Tesilid's death and regression was necessary for it to continue existing.

Exploring Reed’s POV

I used to think it was also possible that the 101st Tesilid we know now had never met Ailette during his run as Reed. This is simply because I was coping (lol) and hoping that Tesilid would never have turned Ailette down the way Reed does in around chapter 136. But I’m pretty sure I’m just being delusional here and that Tesilid as Reed would have in fact been hell-bent on destroying the world even if Ailette was in it, since even Ailette herself doesn't believe that her presence is enough to change Reed's mind. But for this point I’m also mindful that Ailette might be an unreliable narrator who is underestimating how important she is to Tesilid - especially since, on the romance side of things, that’s the dynamic that we’re led to believe is happening. Ailette could also be misreading current timeline Reed because she has only ever known Novel Reed, but having Ailette exist in his memories may have made him different from Novel Reed.

But anyway, I think it's possible to explain why Reed may have turned Ailette down despite having waited so long to meet her and despite (presumably) later clinging to her as 101st Tesilid: the corruption by the Chaos and Evil.

Maybe when Reed died and regressed, he got a new body so the corrupting effect was removed. It seems pretty plausible to me since his appearance is back to normal. But since his powers including his Stigma carried over, the ban on his divine powers as a result of committing countless sins also carried over.

So these are the conclusions/assumptions I've made:

Our Tesilid is the 101st Tesilid. As 100th Tesilid/Reed, he was trapped in the abyss dungeon by Cardinal Cartelyana and others until Ailette stole the save point and killed him, therefore causing him to regress into the 101st timeline.

101st Tesilid experienced everything that 100th Tesilid (Reed) has before, including turning Ailette down.

Therefore timeline 100 and 101 are actually the same timeline where Ailette exists. The 100th and 101st timelines are just Tesilid experiencing them from 2 different points of view.

Don't ask me what happened to 17th Tesilid. Maybe he lived because Reed went to the 101st instead. Probably nothing important happened, although he definitely got traumatized in some way or form as is usual for him.

In that case, I think this what eventually happens in the 101st/100th timeline:

Ailette fails to save Reed, but not for lack of trying. Or maybe she simply didn’t have a direct hand in Reed’s downfall. This makes 101st Tesilid more trusting of her.

Cardinal Cartelyana and others still manage to seal Reed in the dungeon with the save point.

100th Tesilid only regresses and becomes “Ailette’s Tesilid” when his version of Ailette closes the dungeon he is in. Death is the only salvation for current version Reed, since it puts him on the path where he can be with Ailette as his uncorrupted self.

Tesilid of all timelines finally finds eternal rest in the 101st timeline where Ailette lives. (Or he uses the save point and finds a way for Ailette to also live/regress forever with him. Which sounds horrible I’ll be honest. A merry bad ending.)

But I really hope Reed doesn’t get offed like this, because it seems like an awfully terrible and unsatisfying ending for him. (And for me!!!! I am a Reed liker!!!!) Since we don't really know if Ailette will show up for him, when the TM gods have already established that there's only one of her.

I also can’t see Ailette consenting to Reed being put in the dungeon. Especially if she discovers that Tesilid has such a paralysing fear of the dark and silence because of that experience. She was so happy to screw up the tutorial period for him and to step in during the 300th dungeon to ensure he was really okay, I don’t think she’ll let this happen willingly. 

So maybe Reed just gets instant death instead, but I dunno what that’ll mean for the next round’s Ailette. What if he wakes up without having the time to reflect on himself and to decide to ‘live a good life this time’. Like I know that I said he was probably this homicidal because of corruption, but what if he just decides to destroy the world more thoroughly instead. Ailette’s presence has proven not to be an effective deterrent.

…so maybe Ailette AND uncorrupted Tesilid would consent to Reed being imprisoned. If only to give him and future Ailette a better chance of following the path they took. I think Tesilid’s word would count for more than Ailette’s too, since Reed is. well. his past self. He’d know him best.

Exploring Tesilid’s POV

Another reason why I thought that maybe current timeline Tesilid hadn’t experienced things from current timeline Reed's POV was because there are lots of times when Tesilid seems uncertain about how Reed and Ailette will interact. Which doesn’t make sense if he had already seen everything happen before through Reed’s eyes.

E.g. when Ailette was going to meet Reed in the Vatican, and he says, "nothing will happen… I think."

And when he's pretty upset at Ailette for using Divine Advent when fighting against Reed at the Magic Republic. He didn't really seem to be taking pre-emptive steps during that fight, which makes me think that he didn't experience this fight before from Reed's POV. Or maybe Reed or Ailette or both did something different this time.

And the fact that Tesilid spends a long time not being sure if he can trust Ailette, but ultimately still choosing to do so. If he were also the Reed we see now, I think he would’ve trusted her because he would've known that Ailette would risk the penalty of a heavenly leak in hopes of steering him, who had already become a mass murderer, down the right path. 

But I can also think of other reasons why Tesilid might be hesitant to trust Ailette but still ultimately do so though:

Tesilid-as-Reed did get sealed by the world’s heroes, but he did not know whether Ailette was still on the uncorrupted Tesilid’s side. So he thinks that he can probably trust her now that he’s uncorrupted and she thinks he's the 17th round Tesilid, but he does not have proof.

Maybe 101st Tesilid has changed this timeline so much that a lot of things are progressing differently from what it had during his POV as Reed. As the person with the most information, 101st Tesilid is unexpectedly actually the person most in control of the current time loop. If he had already seen everything Ailette and Reed would have done, he is free to choose whether to follow in the footsteps of the "Ailette's Tesilid" that he fought while living as Reed. 

Maybe he decided not to do things the same way as the ‘future Tesilid’ he saw did, so to him ‘the plot he is familiar with has changed’ ((Tesilid is so regressed FML vibes… even his propensity to be the damsel in distress who needs constant rescuing)). Since Tesilid is someone who is accustomed to trying different things in every time loop, I don’t imagine that he’ll stop experimenting in this round - especially if he had experienced a future where Ailette is in danger. Or if uncorrupted Tesilid actually died in his timeline as Reed. Or something equally horrible like that.

So in conclusion, my predictions are:

Ailette fails to save Reed, but not for lack of trying. Or maybe she simply didn’t have a direct hand in Reed’s downfall. This makes 101st Tesilid more trusting of her.

Cardinal Cartelyana and others still manage to seal Reed in the dungeon with the save point. Maybe Ailette and uncorrupted Tesilid agree because it’s timeout for Reed so he can calm down before he meets Ailette again.

100th Tesilid only regresses and becomes “Ailette’s Tesilid” when his version of Ailette closes the dungeon he is in. Death is the only salvation for current version Reed, since it puts him on the path where he can be with Ailette as his uncorrupted self.

Tesilid of all timelines finally finds eternal rest in the 101st timeline where Ailette lives.

In the previous timeline that current timeline Tesilid was in (the one where he was Reed), some bad things probably happen to Ailette and other people he cares about. Tesilid is probably taking steps right now to ensure things don’t turn out the same way, and he is already seeing the butterfly effects as of the Magic Republic dungeon burst arc.

Anyway I think it is so funny if Ailette actually does appear in both Tesilid’s 100th and 101st timelines. It’s almost like SHE is the character who has a fixed setting in every timeline, and Tesilid is the MC being isekai’d with knowledge of how the future could unfold. They’re so crazy for this if this really happens. I really love how both Tesilid and Ailette are main characters with so much agency.

But anyway if this doesn’t happen I will be pretty sad lol and please feel free to write fics or something based on this.

[sybaritick]

thinking again about my resplendently bad resist!Durge/Gortash modern AU concept i thought up a month back

resist!durge is still an amnesiac without memories of his past life and gets a shit job at an amazon warehouse or smth (meeting the others in the gang especially astarion and wyll who would absolutely be a side couple in this). wyll is a leftist organizer leading a unionization effort there but they have to keep it on the dl to avoid retaliation and durge starts helping out with it more and more, volunteering his time, helping organize, becoming friends with wyll (and astarion, who has reluctantly been dragged into this too at the promise of better pay and better hours but also because he's a little into wyll.)

gortash is, obviously, the big boss (tm) who they all absolutely hate and i'm sure manages multiple locations and therefore barely even shows up to this one. but then at some point, months into this, he sees durge. and he's like. oh my god. it's you. we thought you were dead!!... you dont remember everything? down to when we were roommates back in business school a decade ago... how we had the same management consulting internship back then too! anyway youve dropped off the face of the earth for 6 months but if you come back to mckinsey there will be a job for you i swear it.

durge, as well as wyll and astarion, who are all finding this out about his past for the first time: 👁️ 👁️

gortash invites durge on a date, of course, all "remember we dated before 🥺 anyway i will help you remember everything."

and durge decides... fuck this guy, but i think i can this can be a way to get some Information that would help wyll and astarion. perhaps even gain leverage over him in some way.

so of course durge pretends to be glad to be back and gortash is so obviously trying to win him over w money and power. take him out on a very nice dinner date to Help Him Remember and confirms yes. they dated before. they were *together* before durge's tragic disappearance. this makes durge So Uncomfortable. THIS guy? and his job was like THAT?

but then like, on the date, as gortash explains what they were... he totally starts to realize why. he was *good* at this! perhaps, as said in that meme, he worked on the AI for the robots that beat the workers when they faint or what have you. but like. he realized he loved it. he loved understanding how neural networks function... he loved training the models and coming back in the morning to see the improvements... loved the underlying math, more than anything. he was a statistical analysis geek. dude was a *savant*!!! and he used those powers for *tremendous evil!* AI to learn the optimal schedule of wins and losses for each individual to keep them spending money they don't have at casinos! helping security cams automatically identify people the police wanted to arrest! and, of course, whatever he did at this evil corporation to preempt and prevent unionization. the exact plan that he is now trying to foil. his doing all along. :)

gortash shows him some very basics of the things he did like [shows gradient descent formulas] is this your card? and durge is like. eyes tracing the bullshit little greek letters for partial derivatives from the multivar class he took at age 17 and hes like. oh. i might not remember what i did with it. but god i remember this like i remember how to speak.

[uboat53]

Recently I wrote up a thing about how the right's elevation of property rights prevents them from ever being able to adjust issues of human rights. I think it's pretty good, you can find it here if you're interested.

One thought that came out of a discussion about it, though, was an interesting one and I need to do another LONG RANT (TM) to work through it.

INTRODUCTION

So a friend of mine took the concept of rent seeking and brought it up in the context of economies based on resource extraction. These are, in many ways, the ultimate example of rent seeking economies and the situation in which they dominate an economy is known as the "resource curse".

Here's the Wikipedia article on this concept if you're interested.

And that's when the thought hit me, are we living in a resource cursed economy? Is that resource capital and did we create this resource curse ourselves?

THE RESOURCE CURSE

Basically the resource curse goes like this:

You live in a place that has a resource. This resource is very easy to gather in proportion to its value, making it hugely profitable, much more profitable than just about anything else you can do. Every dollar you invest in that resource returns more money than a dollar invested in anything else.

Even worse, the export of that resource drives up the value of your currency, making all of your other exports less competitive in the international market. This further makes that resource a better investment by driving down the value of any other investment.

What this does to your economy is simple. Why would you invest in education when you can simply put more money into the resource and it'll give you higher profits? Why would you invest in health-care when you can simply put more money into the resource and it'll give you higher profits? Why would you invest in manufacturing or agriculture when you can simply put more money into the resource and it'll give you higher profits?

Meanwhile, your society stratifies. Those who own the resource get rich (for example, a Saudi who owns land with oil or a southern plantation owner who owns the rich land good for cotton) while everyone else gets poor. Eventually all you have left is a population in poverty and an otherwise stagnant economy that is entirely dependent on that one resource.

WHAT ABOUT US?

Well, we have a resource called capital. Effectively, this is stuff like land, buildings, machinery, and intellectual property like patents and trademarks. Even something like stock in a corporation basically boils down to the value of the things the corporation owns. Capital is property, whether physical or intellectual.

Because of the way our tax code is structured, there will literally never be a case where a dollar earned in labor will be worth more than a dollar earned from capital. Additionally, over the last two decades, wages have generally increased between 2% and 4% per year. Data on capital is a bit harder to find, but California real estate prices have increased an average of 4% per year and the DOW Jones Industrial Average (a measure of stock prices) has increased an average of more than 6% per year over that same time.

In other words, not only is a dollar earned from capital more advantageous in tax terms than a dollar earned from labor, a dollar invested in capital is likely to make a greater return than a dollar invested in labor.

THE RESOURCE CURSE

That's where I think we have a version of the resource curse. When ownership of resources like land, buildings, machinery, and intellectual property consistently returns a greater reward than any form of labor, then most of the resources of an economy will flow toward those resources. In the case of limited capital, such as land in a desirable area or stock in a hot company, this will push up the price of that asset, leading to an even greater return and pushing the cycle even further.

This type of capital in particular largely delivers rent seeking as opposed to productive returns. Owning a building in downtown Manhattan, provides a return whether or not you invest in something that increases the productivity of that building. In fact, there may be nothing you can do to improve its productivity and it will increase in value regardless.

The more this happens, the more it siphons resources that could otherwise increase the productivity of the economy, exactly like a resource curse.

UNCERTAINTY

This is something that just occurred to me, so I definitely haven't thought through the ramifications and possible issues with it. This is also something that occurred to me incidentally, so I haven't read anyone else's ideas on the topic for another perspective.

I'm curious how my conception of capital as a resource in the sense of a resource curse holds up. I also don't know that it maps to the failure of investment in productivity and labor in the way that natural resources do in a resource curse.

If anyone has any thoughts, even simple ones, I'd be very interested for another set of eyes on my little idea here.

CONCLUSION

I think there's a reasonable case to be made that we've artificially created a situation where our economy has become resource cursed with capital. It's still a fairly rough idea, but it seems to fit with what I know so far.

If this is true, the solution would be to somehow make capital investments less advantageous in relation to labor. This won't be easy because, of course, it sounds a bit perverse toward the goal of growing the economy, but also because it would require us to lower the level of respect we have given to property rights over the last several decades; a particular ideological point of the right-wing of American politics.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this or at least found it interesting. If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

[sunset-bridge]

P3 THOUGHTS NOW

THANK. sorry it took me a bit i was in the Horrors BUT IM JOE BACK..

OK SO . just. collection of thoughts i had these last days about p3. also sorry for being an ocd haver . evrything is about anxiety to me but i think im not misinterpreting things

my thoughts with some p3 spoilers under cut (I MEAN IT OK dont read if . spoilers)

The evoker:

it makes sense cuz its like staring death (fear) in the face every day to live (use your persona) it forces the user to face their fear in a way that seems very Real to their brain but . it wont actually Kill you it never does even if it feels like it Will . like. controlled shock of Dread to call your little guy out and its probably needed actually like the. fear. if u didnt feel fear while using the evoker ur persona probably wouldnt come out at all Something about being alive.

Fear(the dread):

how fear shows that ur Alive. and thats like the main thing. we all know dread of death in specific is the theme in p3. but its also about how to deal with the Dread (dread about. anything in general) Like in burn my dread, how it says that the daily dance of fighting with the shadows (shadows being your. fears and unconscious) reminds you that you still live. And how aigis first real Human Emotion was fear and Dread. Something about how only things that are alive and have a soul can feel fear and bleed. Etc etc

also noting how everyone (yuka, junpei, akihiko, mitsuru, ken, shinji, koro, fuuka...literally everyone) faces their fear of death or their own type of dread at some point. and they all react differently. because everyones different. but they are all alive. and thats wonderful.

Tartarus and shadows :

ok hear me out. this may be more specific to ocd havers BUT ALSO. ocd its doubting anxiety disorder. i definetely feel dread about stuff and . the fear of death in particular is like a Theme you can have in ocd. so. to me! tartarus... its life. life arena. as i said. like in burn my dread. the daily dance with your anxiety and fears. YOU HAVE to confront them if you want to keep living . BUUUUT I REALIZED! i understand! you know how SEES at first fought and tried to defeat the big shadows, and they thought this could end the whole thing? but it turned out thats exactly what nyx and ikutsuki wanted to happen? THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. trying to fight and "defeat" and antagonize your dread to try to "get rid of it forever". it does not work. not like that. in fact, arguing with it Fighting with it. it only wears you down and makes your Dread stronger. exactly what happened. the team tried to combat and "erase" the fears, but they only made them unite and become stronger in the process.

so then what? just ignore them..? NOPE

the real way (real)(the real)(not the ideal):

As a verified ocd and Dread(tm) haver. You have to acknowledge the thought. dont cover ur ears and pretend its not there. BUT ALSO dont argue with it. dont try to combat it; it only wears you down and makes the fear stronger next time. Acknowledge it exists. And move on with your life without interacting further with it. Dont obsess over it. Wayyyy easier said than done, but . This is where the burning the dread comes in. Burn your fucking dread and keep walking even if you're so scared.You WILL BE so scared but you have to keep running. If you want to see light again you cant just sit there. keep moving keep living keep running. with the dread? yes do things scared but DO THEM! Your fears cant get the best of you, they cannot prevent you from living in the first place!

With death in particular, its a bit tricky, because this is one fear that is True and Inevitable. You will die. BUT the dread shouldnt paralyze you into not living at all in the first place! Again way easier said than done when you have a death anxiety and obsession. But the process is the same. acknowledge. move on. keep living. the dread will come . Burn it. keep walking and walking and walking and lose yourself in the present and keep running and never stop moving.

burn my dread final battle (i love the song):

ok it gets its own section.. I LOVE THIS DAMN THING...i also love normal burn my dread tons but like. this one ooooooh boy.

its no mans land. (the dread) if you conquer this you will be king cuz no ones ever been here like you been here before. its daunting but you can do it. invisible hands (your friends) are always behind you.

the "race against rage" SO TRUE race against trying to "fight" the thoughts the fears.

what sees did fighting the shadows WAS in vain as we have seen. but this show isnt over yet. and it does feel like ur being chased by something beyond you. (the dread) (you gotta live it persecuted by heaven)

the anxiety. it comes from nowhere at any time (comes from the direction no indication). but as mr lotus juice says. let it move first. let it out let it loose. just . let it do its thing dont even argue with it. let the dread wash over you. drop the hammer. dont fight remember? dont argue.

get scared. then lets get it up! keep living. the best thing you can do to put your methaphorical middle finger to the dread is to . keep living . enjoying things. it feels so straining at times BUT it will get better . you are all beaten up but you're not gone yet no. not done here. get up and at em boy!

pride of the living :

id like to close my thoughts with the idea once more of. fear reminds us we are alive. it sucks ass but its a part of living and personally i. never felt more alive as when i realized i feel fear because I AM human and I AM alive. dead things dont feel fear. objects dont feel fear. its such an. alive creature thing. of course you feel fear. dont be tough on yourself. but again. regardless. you cant let it paralyze you into not living at all. keep running !

[ruthlesslistener]

do you think Ghost has to deal with fans of The Guardian? like, not because they'd be annoyed or bothered but because every time he lets someone talk to them it either ends up with them killing a giant monster, delving into some ruin for a lost gun, or them giving away a billion-glimmer exotic sparrow that doesn't fit their Latest Aesthetic TM

I've honestly never thought of this before, mostly because there's no actual interactions with the Guardian and civilians of the Last City- which in turn makes it intruiguing to think about because yeah how WOULD the godslayer of the cosmos interact with ordinary human beings that are not undead corpses ressurected by a giant cosmic golf ball, but also goddamn it Bungie even if I enjoy the leeway you give for us to insert our own Guardians into situations, I really want to see the undead killing machine interacting with your genaric citydweller. Give us an idea of what the people think of the Guardian, how their culture inteacts with them, and what sort of social othering that Guardians might feel which keeps them locked to the tower and Guardian-Guardian interactions. Ik human mortals DO interact with them, but they're never your average joe, so that kind of makes gauging how that works to be impossible

My gut reaction would be that letting the Guardian meet civilians might not be a major issue, because the Young Wolf, as their name implies, is the loyal hound of the City and thus deals with its problems when called upon (or offered a shiny enough firearm), and so civilians just don't have anything that will actually make them do stupid shit, hence Ghost doesn't have to keep them on a kiddie collar to prevent them from running off and getting themselves into Situations. However, I CAN see some Guardians getting into trouble reguardless, so here's some things that my pack and their Ghosts have to deal with if they encounter civilians:

Marcelline (titan): Would want to show off her skills to impress the kiddos and/or is easily goaded into it if prompted, which causes obvious problems when you put your mind to it. Would also eagerly flirt with any girls fawning over her and would need her ghost to go get her half-brother Aeris to drag her away before she gets attatched. Marcie's outgoing and enthusiastic, but she also wears her heart on her sleeve and that can get her into trouble sometimes. The trouble almost always lands on her alone, but still. Getting attatched to someone who will grow old without you is never fun.

Aeris: The most stick-in-the-mud hunter to ever exist, except for one detail: he's always interested in testing his limits and does not give a shit what it'll do to him in the process. People might find him extremely intimidating and unapproachable at first, but the second someone asks if Guardians have a higher alcohol tolerance than normal humans, he's heading down to the pub with them to try to figure it out. Just because he looks like he's a cold motherfucker with excellent self-control doesn't necessarily mean that it's true.

Petrichor-12: Immidiatly goes into formal guard duty mode on instinct and makes everyone uncomfortable with how clipped and serious they are even though they're really just Extremely Aware of how fragile human beings are and want to make the tower look good. They also spend a lot of time in the Eliksni quarter, so the public opinion on them might be a little...split.

[ifidiedinadream]

since this is the sex + kink talk blog (thank you)... lol i wondered if any of you or the Community tm around here have any tips for like.... sex is nice to me, right up until after I've had an orgasm, and then i just kind of... drop and my thoughts immediately go to scnearios in which i'm dating someone and am anxoius about sleeping with them or panic before having sex with them or something. does anyone have any tips on how to prevent that? I'm kind of trying to train myself into just being calm afterwards

you're saying everything is alright until AFTER you come and then you start having this kind of thoughts, so like being preoccupied with and anxious about sex, which you just had? is that correct?

i'm not sure i can help. i do get those worrying thoughts sometimes, but they're linked to my attachment issues and fear of anything romance. which is why i stuck to hooking up for a while but guess what i hate having sex with someone i don't know/like so like i can't win lol

and after an orgasm it's common to have mood drops i guess, so maybe that could 'trigger' such a chain of thoughts?

anyone here can help?

[audiovisualrecall]

Also have anxiety intrusive I guess thoughts? For example, we went to a baseball game and were up high but not in the seats right at the edge of the level, which is good because going down the steps to our seats my anxiety was going what if you fell and then you FELL? (Held on to the railings like crazy, swapped from one to the next when there was a gap, very nervous letting go to go down one step into our row) and it popped up in my head every time I went up or down those steps until I was able to forget mostly about it due to the fun and excitement and also having managed the stairs fine by then several times I wasn't nearly as nervous later in the evening. During the same game, one seat ahead of us they had a baby, like just about ready to stand up soon baby, and one of the mom's friends was holding the baby on her lap just holding onto the baby's hands and letting her practice standing or whatever, and I'm sure it was fine but my anxiety kept rearing up and going but what if the baby suddenly lurches forwards or backwards and you aren't holding her enough and she FALLS - even though there was another 2 full rows ahead of them with people in them before the edge. And we'll the fact that the barrier on the edge was like bupkis was stressing me out, like at the bottom of the stairs was a taller thick plastic wall, so if you tripped down the stairs you wouldn't die, that's good, but if you were in the rows at the very front what if you stood up and lost your balance and idk somehow managed to FALL like the idea just stuck in my anxiety brain. Always going up escalators is what if you lean too far back and overbalance and FALL, what if you trip, what if what if what if. Elevators soooometimes I get the what ifs and what would I do's.

If someone else is cutting veggies or something to cook I get worried like they could cut themselves what if they did?? And if I'm cutting stuff it'll pop into my head what of I cut myself that would be terrifying!!! Like not in a 'what if I did, huh' kind of way but in a 'aaaaaaaaaah' kind of way yknow?

Anything like, what if I accidentally touch the hot pan? what if They accidentally burn themselves? I have a hard time staying in the workroom or thinking too hard about it when my dad is using the table saw (some other tools can be nerve-wracking but that's The Worst one, imo) because I'm so anxious something will happen, bc table saws are dangerous and terrifying and confidence kills as easily as incompetence, ok. The idea of driving - the unpredictability of other drivers and what they will do is going to be a big stressor for me to try to get past to learn to drive. I'm hoping I can manage it bc the freedom!...but even as a passenger in tensing and stressing about what rhe guy next to us is going to do next, and that kind of jumpiness led me to flip my bike at 14yrs old bc the sidewalk narrowed and there was bushes, a fire hydrant, and a pole leabing into my way and I panicked and crashed, and while I once i picked up bikeriding again, worked on that reaction and on not doing that, I still definitely tense up and get distracted by like the fear of hitting/getting hit which I'm afraid will cause me to crash.....but I need to be able to be independent in this small way, so. Hopefully I can work through it..

When my parents were away I couldn't sleep in my room bc it makes me too anxious to not be on the main floor when it's just me, and being able to climb out the window and be on the ground floor or be able to lock myself in the bathroom without going down a hallway first, if there was an intruder, meant a lot so I slept in the den on the sofa because it meant I was able to sleep at all, because I was able to control one thing in the situation, and had answers for the what ifs anxiety came up with. If I can't answer the what ifs adequately, as in have a plan/solition/ways to prevent it/etc, I can't stop being anxious about the thing. Unfortunately.

Idk. Anxiety is just The Worst tm ok

[nerdyenby]

Let’s talk about the Golden Weapons

Because I totally thought they were a massive plot hole and they still kinda are, but it’s not as bad as I thought

We’re going through their history over the course of the show but I’m going off of memory (I’m up to season 2 in my rewatch)

The pilots

They’re hidden away and guarded by dragons

Garmadon is after them, so the ninja set out to get them first and ultimately succeed

Season one

They’re being used by the ninja until they hand the weapons to Garmadon to defeat the Great Devourer

Garmadon then runs off with them because duh

Season two

Garmadon combines the weapons, creating the Megaweapon, which can be used to create anything it’s user imagines (but it saps their energy significantly and only Garmadon can wield it without exploding)

Garmadon uses the megaweapon to cause problems on purpose, highlights include bringing a pirate crew back from the dead and resurrecting a dinosaur (which leads to Lloyd being aged up via Tomorrow’s Tea)

Garmadon also uses it to travel back to the pilots to try to prevent the ninja from coming together. He’s kind of succeeding until the ninja realize this timeline isn’t salvageable and use the Golden Weapons from that point in time (the pilots) to destroy the Megaweapon, and they’re shot into space. This makes it so that the Golden Weapons never existed past this point in time and thus the Megaweapon was never formed and they never traveled back in time, so the ninja just snap back to their present

Everything seems normal when the ninja return, including Lloyd still being aged up (which doesn’t make sense), but he’s never heard of the Megaweapon

Minor detail, but Skales mentions the Megaweapon a couple episodes later, Garmadon probably just told him, but it’s also possible that Skales remembers too

Season three

The Overlord needs Golden Power for his plan and tries to get that from Lloyd but his plan gets foiled (I think, I don’t remember what happens when lol)

So Evil Personified (tm) falls back on plan b: inventing space travel

The overlord commissions a spaceship and sends his minions to get the combined Golden Weapons from a meteorite or something

That works somehow, and the Overlord has them melted down and formed into armor

During the season finale, Zane latches onto the armor, powering himself up before ultimately exploding himself and the Overlord

Um, I don’t think we see them again until March of the Oni???

Season 10

Oni are invading, and the solution the gang comes up with is to reforge the Golden Weapons

Lloyd and Garmadon break into Borg Tower to retrieve the Golden Armor from the vault. It is effective against the Oni but doesn’t seem harmful to humans (which is stupid and ridiculous considering the Megaweapon (which is literally the exact same thing) vaporized a handful of people just because they touched it and the armor literally killed Zane (who is functionally immortal))

Kai uses the armor to recreate the Golden Weapons, the ninja use them to ward off the Oni for a bit before getting overwhelmed and using the Tornado of Creation instead

Do we see them between MotO and Crystalized???

Season fifteen

They’re there for some reason but don’t have any power anymore

The bad guys get them and cover them in crystal which gives them some sort of power back for some reason

The ninja get them back and undo whatever was done to them and then destroy them or something, idk

I think that’s it?? Probably??? Anyway, the main plotholes:

How the events of season one and the first handful of season two episodes play out without the Golden Weapons, the most pressing of which being how Lloyd gets aged up if not as a consequence of fighting a dinosaur and how the hell Soto and crew are around if not for the Megaweapon

Why space travel was introduced to the canon for a singular episode in season two and never mentioned again (not relevant, but it bothers me)

How Lloyd and Kai are able to handle the Golden Armor without exploding (I could buy Lloyd, but Kai???)

Why the Golden Weapons lost their power after s10 (I looked it up and the wiki says it was because of the Tornado of Creation but that sounds fake and/or stupid imo)

Why the Overlord needed them in Crystallized if they were powerless and how Aspheera was just able to give them entirely different powers (I’ve only seen Crystallized twice and it’s been a bit so apologies if this is a stupid question lol)

[malviral]

Wesker's eyes / bioluminescence.

ANON  ASKED:  sheer crack, but important: wesker’s got the cat eyes thing goin’ on, so…does he do the giant pupils thing when he’s excited?

Actually,  its  not  even  entirely  crack  because  it  would  actually  make  perfect  sense  that  Wesker’s  eyes  would  function  similar  to  a  cat,  or  other  predatory  animals  who  possess  similar  vertical  pupils  like  vipers  and  crocodiles.  The  vertical  slits  signify  the  predatory  nature  of  the  owner, allowing  for  more  adapt  vision;  

‘Vertical pupils give highly focused vision and provide accurate distance vision to help the predator know exactly when to strike its prey. These types of predatory animals also usually hunt at night which means they have evolved an extra set of muscles to pull the pupil into a narrow slit shape during the day. This is to prevent the eye from being damaged or overcome by bright light, preserving vision and protecting the eye. Predatory animals with vertical slit pupils, like cats and many snakes, can maintain sharp focus across the horizontal field of view and more accurately judge distance to their prey. ”

So  yeah,  it  would  make  sense  if  Wesker’s  eyes  are  also  capable  of  contracting  and  expanding.  But  I  wouldn’t  say  they’re  exactly  like  a  cats  eyes  outside  of  the  visual  similarity  as  I  don’t  think  Wesker’s  eyes  ever  dilate   enough  to  appear  human  again  from  what  we’ve  observed  of  him / his  eyes  in  canon.  His  eyes  seem  to  be  more  focused  on  keeping  out  light,  I  think ?  I  have  a  lot  of  thoughts  on  this. 

What  Wesker’s  eyes  do  do  that  is  super  unique  is  maintain  a  steady  glow.  They’re  highly  bioluminescent  and   this  appears  to  be  linked  to  his  emotions  in  some  way.  When  experiencing  a  particularly  strong  emotion  his  eyes  tend  to  literally  light  up  with  a  temporary  bright / burning  sensation. Its  less  clear  why  this  is  a  thing,  I  mean  it  looks  extremely  cool  and  more  accurately  terrifying   from  an   in  universe  POV  but  there  def  has  to  be  a  more  “zoological”  reason  they  do  this  beyond  Aesthetic  TM.  

Wesker’s  entire  body  has  been  transformed  on  a  cellular  level  by  the  virus  to  make  him  an  adapt  killing  machine  so  here  are  my  ideas/thoughts  surrounding  whats  with  his  eyes  /  why  they  glow. ━  For  a  start,  its  possible  this  is  a  warning  to  other  predators  to  back  off,   similar  with  how  some  poisonous  animals  are  brightly  coloured  as  a  warning  to  fuck  around  and  find  out.  and  I  do  personally  headcanon  that  most  other  infected  creatures  avoid  Wesker  because  They  Know.

 We  know  infected  creatures  actively  prey  on  each  other,  so  yeah,  anything  with  the  animalistic  intelligence  a  lot  of  the  infected  animals  have  can  determine  that  Wesker  is  too  much  to  handle.  The  exceptions  would  be  creatures  who  are  particularly   programmed  for  certain  tasks  /  externally  controlled   or  extensively  brain  damaged  (like  common  T  infected  zombies) 

It  could  also  have  a  kind  of  “hypnotic  gaze”  effect  per  se,  giving  him  the  ability  to  temporarily  stun / paralyse   prey,  because  again,  from  an  in  universe  POV  Wesker’s  eyes  are  terrifying,  if  you  got  caught  in  his  sight  you’d  be  shook,  and  thats  not  even  with  witnessing  his,  y’know,  crazy  super-human  strength/speed  on  top  of  it.  I  actually  just  think  he  exerts  an  aura  of  danger  /  dread  that  most  members  of  the  “animal  kingdom”  pick  up  pretty  fast  and  if  you  don’t  get  it  on  vibes  alone  his  eyes  serve  as  a  more  explicit  signal. I  know  in  like,  RE0  for  whatever  reason  Wesker  can  shoot  lasers  out  of  his  eyes  which  I  kind  of  interpreted  as  a  kind  of  “physical”  representation  of  this  kind  of  concept. 

Personally,  I  think  most  of  all  the  glow  /  light  up  has  to  do  with  sharping  vision.  You  turn  up  the  brightness  of  your  phone/screen  when  you  want  to  see  more,  its  possible  the  “natural  light”  of  Wesker’s  eyes  has  a  similar  purpose  which  comes  back  to  the  cat  idea–  rather  than  completely  dilating  and  becoming  visibly  huge  to  collect  light  and  heighten  vision,  Wesker’s  eyes  simply  glow  /  exert  their  own  light   to  increase / sharpen  his  vision.  This  is  also  another  explanation  for  why  Wesker’s  eye  glow  seems  to  be  related  to  his  emotions.  Naturally  if  he’s  “focusing”  on  something  his  emotions  will  react  accordingly,  so  therefor  the  glow. 

And  to  add  to  all  that  the  continuous  glow  of  Wesker’s  eyes  may  also  be  a  reason  why  his  pupils  remain  in  the  vertical  slit-like  state  as  oppose  to  ever  dilating  to  an  extreme,  again  having  to  do  with  filtering  light   and  his  eyes  are  literally  producing  their  own  light.  Whatever  the  case  may  be   the  Virus  has  sharpened  Wesker’s  vision  extensively  and  I  mentioned  before  via  my  own  personal  HC  that  the  reason  his  eyes  are  the  one  part  of  his  body  to  actually  show  outward  mutation  was  because  of  his  impaired  eyesight / mild  photophobia/sensitivity  previous  to  infection.  

SO  BASCIALLY  while  I  don’t  personally  HC  his  eyes  to  dilate,  they  do  GLOW  and  thats  my  Logic  for  why  thats  a  thing.   Fully  support  Albert  Kitty-Eyes  Wesker  tho. 

Oh  ALSO  while  I’m  on  this  topic  the  glow  of  Wesker’s  eyes  is  also  directly  connected  to  the  virus  in  his  system.  Suppressing  the  virus  dulls  his  eye  glow  so  it  can  also  be  used  to  measure  Wesker’s  “strength”  in  a  way.

 Theres  an  implication  of  Wesker’s  vision  and  the  virus  being  connected  beyond  just  the  “aesthetic”  of  his  eyes  looking  like  that.  When  Chris  and  Sheva  “poison”  him  in  5  we  get  a  moment  where  we  see  through  Wesker’s  eyes  and  his  vision  is  fuzzing  out  related  to  the  virus  in  his  system  reacting  to  the  suppressant.  I  ALSO  think  its  interesting  to  note  that  based  on  this  he  SEEMS  to  see  in  a  different  like,  ‘colour’  pallet  to  normal  people  as  well.  The  world  through  “Wesker  Vision”  seems  like  it  has  a  yellowish/greenish  tint  to  it. 

[sweetslemon]

tbh i believe the downfall of women will be political purity, women will never be 100% liberal nor 100% libertarian or conservative or, most importantly, they will likely be apolitical or centrists. Men practice and believe in and further their misogyny left and right and women will be perpetually arguing who is the most sanctified and will try to form a general agreed consensus....no matter what walks of life they come from all you gotta agree is that women are equal and they deserve self preservation and a chance to be safe and succeed. Do right wing women love being treated like meat? Or do some just dont like taxes? Theres a lot of dimensions to this and if Feminism becomes ingrained to one political side or agenda only, it will be villified on the other side or prevent people from crossing over or forming their own thoughts. Conservatives wont bash liberals if liberals suddenly aent oh some of us are "pro-life" and pander to anti abortion politics, in fact they will rejoice this as a strategic win. I understand where it comes from but ensuring womens interests are intertwined with many other rights and therefore cannot exist independently in any way however bigoted that reason may be, will never bring forth real change beczuse it protects there will always be the half of society that is inclined to vehemently block feminism as an evil Liberal Ideology TM and the other half ensuring if women are slightly apolitical or veers from their political stance, etc, stays anti feminist, they will ensure those women also go full on backlash and stay in their place as traditional stereotypes deem them to be. Theres something so missing from women and thats a sense of putting oneself first and most of all, Bro Code. the mentality and socialization just transferred to activism in the way of proving i am best woman you are not a good woman, we can never agree with everything. Will liberals protect feminist interests? When feminists are guaranteed to always vote liberal because they have absolutely no other choice?? Why should they try harder than just mildly posturing because those voters are a guaranteed voting base for them? And why should right wing ever try changing or toning down their stance on birth control or whatever to pander to most female voters when they arent religious "emotional women" vote democrat anyway? They know women would never cast them their vote so they will further pander to male incels and male interests. And left wing?? Young women vote for them , at least not the ones who are like braindead, or thats what they think. So they dont need to protect women that much, they gotta do the bare minimum to keep the illusion that they care about Feminism blablah, while they advocate for bills cutting sentences for male rapist prisoners etc cuz prison rights are more important than women right? And trans women matter, men matter, gender ideology matters, everything matters and it all gets dumped under feminine agenda cuz women are held hostage. It's cuz they are pandering also, like right wing, to catch bitter incel men. Or all men, as interchangable as that is. Women dont have a political asset, they are merely tokens eother ways cuz what women do is considered charity work or socializing and Twitter rather than real Politics no matter how serious women are. I swear women be elusive for a second and dont promise anyone any sides. Don't be a caught fish in a net, act like you dont owe anyone anything. Why are woman and girls so eternally grateful? Stop being grateful for shit.