#dont get me wrong i still dont Like certain aspects of it. the thing w/ morgan only being alive with jodie is unnecessary and just cruel

[toonbly]

lies down in the dirt. honestly the more i think abt glenns arc the more i start to really REALLY like and appreciate it. freddies a goddamn genius

[zeldasnotes]

ᴬˢᵀᴿᴼ ᴼᴮˢᴱᴿⱽᴬᵀᴵᴼᴺˢ ³²

25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Some of the most kind people Ive ever met had had Jupiter conjunct Moon/Venus. Pure, genuine kindness.

Fama(408) conjunct Uranus can indicate overnight fame. This aspect reminds me of the people who are recorded saying something really funny without realizing it and when they wake up in the morning and see the video went viral.

Venus 10th house is common in the charts of people who work with beauty procedures with a more permanent effect like microblading, cosmetic tattoos, laser hair removal etc. People with these placements often like to get these procedures done on themselves too. Since 10th house is ruled by saturn and saturn is time they want something that lasts instead of just going to a makeupartist.

If one of your parents have Venus in the 5th house you probably hot af.

Moon/Venus conjunct Chiron can mean constantly befriending or falling for the wrong women. They are drawn to people who need healing. But what they forget is that misery loves company.

Everytime I like an artist to the point of liking EVERY song they make we had Venus 8th house synastry. There is a deep understanding here when it comes to art.

Fama(408) conjunct Moon = Soccer mom image👩🏻‍🍼⚽️🧸

People with Ceres(1) conjunct personal planets tend to be well liked.

Venus/Saturn aspects might be hated on more by older people than people their own age. Older women might comment on their looks and older men notice them.

Everytime someone throws a fit in my comments its because I said something about their Moon aspect/sign. Which kinda proves what a sensitive planet the Moon is.

Moon can show where you spend so much time to the point of living there. I read about a person in true crime who lived in her car and she had Moon in the 3rd house, Ive seen Moon in the 6th house who are at work all the time, Ive seen Moon in the 11th housers who are always at their friends house.

Mars, Nessus or Lilith in the 11th house can be keyboard warriors. 🤬💻

Part of Fortune in the 5th house makes someone blessed with extraordinary creativity.

Ive seen people with Lilith Square Jupiter might have to suffer a lot because of rebelling against cultural/religious expectations.

Mars Square Uranus are the kind of people to EXPLODE with physical energy. This makes them excellent at martial arts since they move quick. Mike Tyson have Mars Square Uranus and Pluto.

Venus in Leo in the solar return chart can make you more interested in fashion & haircare that year. 💅

Transit Asteroid Destinn(6583) was conjunct my natal Venus and Transit Moon was in my natal 7th house the day I met the love of my life. Transit Juno(3) was conjunct my natal Juno.

Transit Dejanira(157) conjunct my natal Ascendant was hell. Ive never been victimized by others like I was during that year.

Women with Lilith and Pluto aspecting the Ascendant always look so good in bloodred or jetblack hair.

Moon in the 11th house might find a lot of comfort in social media. Social media can be their escape.

Juicy Couture just screams Taurus energy to me. The soft comfy but still so rich and pretty look to the clothes and bags is pure Taurus. (I cant be the only one who relate certain brands to a sign?)🛍️

Be careful with 2nd house synastry bc it can really make you want to buy someone stuff. I dont know if its house or planet who usually wants to buy bc Ive seen both ways around. Sure it can be a positive thing but not if one is a user and the other is naive. Can also make one expect stuff from the other. 💰

Me and my lilsister have 2nd house synastry but we would never use eachother we just love buying eachother stuff and discuss food and shopping together. For us the giving goes both ways. But Ive seen other situations where one just gave and gave without getting anything back.

Most Libra Venus men Ive met made a very big deal out of what their type is. The type to let eeeeverybody know about how they only date redheads. They can become VERY into what they find beautiful.

Venus says a lot about your behaviour bc Venus is what we find attractive and ofc we act as we want to be seen. Capricorn Venuses for example tend to act in a very mature and serious way. Their behaviour really screams ”take me seriously or live to regret it.”

People with Venus/Pluto tends to get a lot of unwanted suggestions on what to do with their looks.

Transit Asteroid Destinn(6583) was conjunct my natal Venus the day I met the love of my life. And transit Juno(3) was conjunct my natal Juno.

Plutonian Moons can always spot eachother. Same with Chiron 1st house and Lilith 11th house. Thats because these placements all bring experiences in someones youth that can be easily seen on the person later in life.

©️ 2024 Zeldas Notes All Rights Reserved

[aristotels]

Of course all problems and inequalities are direct consequence of modernity and in the past those who are now considered undesirable were considered divine and definitely weren't treated even worse and didn't have access to anything that resembles accomodations. Let's bring those times back!

In Ancient Rome specifically there was no hospitalisation, yes, but also people who were considered mad couldn't make financial and legal operations on their own at all and couldn't be citizens, and were considered pariahs by their communities. This is not to say that you are wrong because you picked the wrong time to see as "when things were better", it's that just because what causes problems now is capitalism doesn't mean that before it people were always kind and caring, everything is much older.

(Or that removing the money would fix everything on its own, for that matter)

are you literally so stupid to fail to see my point

the point isnt "LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US" the point is that fears and delusions depend on the society youre brought up in; and also sorry that a 5 sentences tumblr post didnt go into history of medical malpractice, it was a lighthearted post made by someone with those very issues

yeah, if i lived then, then id have a different delusion more fit to those times - but it would not resemble my current paranoia or nightmares of being drugged or talked to the way ive had medical staff talk to me bc those things are specific to our society.

(Also you can still have your rights denied for being mentally ill today as well?????? what happened to free britney??? And like My family doctor once literally suggested to my dad to involountary check me into psych ward which was smth my psychiatrist at the time was very much trying to avoid because he KNEW how dehumanizing that is, he spent more than sn hour trying to figure out if my visions of suicide were actual suicide risk or intrusive thoughts; telling me later that he was willing to gamble such a huge risk and responsibility he would have to take in case i actually did smth to myself - just to keep me out of the hospital stay because he worked there and SAW how dehumanizing it is. because getting in the ward here doesnt mean youre done when youre out, this shit affects FUCKLOAD of things in your life!)

are you really trying to be like "LETS TAKE AWAY ACCOMODATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO SUFFER WOOW GOOD JOB" in my inbox rn btw considering that i am literally schizophrenic w some other mental illnesses, and that i take fucking meds upon meds for it, including antipsychotics??????? and i am also very grateful for those aids, but even with meds my condition will never be resolved and its severity very much depends on the people/society around me. my delusions while living in croatia might differ from someone who lives in the usa.

i literally have no patience or attention or care or anything to argue with you rn, if you wanna discuss political or economical or marxist or whatever theory in my inbox go ahead, but i am NOT arguing about my own fucking lived experience and having you speak to me this way, in an incredibly entitled and dismissive way. its late and im going to bed. i genuinely dont care for your "ummmmm ekshually capitalism is noot thaaat bad-" shit while i keep having episodes on the daily in a big part due to fuckin capitalism. losing my other job is putting me through stress because i have no money, but it also eased up certain aspects of my illness because i dont have to hit hardcore fucking deadlines every week.

p.s. who the fuck is talking about money not existing. if you are gonna bring that up within communist theory and up for a serious discussion thats a whole other thing, but moneyless and stateless society doesnt just rest on tadaaah no money, like theres a reason marx wrote books n essays on that shit and why daddy engels sent him checks. and even in ideal communist world we would still have mental illnesses, but i am absolutely positive that my thoughts would differ than the current ones and that they would probably be less severe. and also why is this implying that communism wont have like the fuckin medication

i usually take care to carefully reply to asks and try to actually give a serious opinion but i gen dont care if i sound incoherent rn, this legit pissed me off

[citrusillyboe]

😞😞😞 I'm crying that sibling Hcs w the first years were too cute.. ☹️☹️☹️‼️ Can I please request a sibling hc w Vil and the tweels 😋‼️ITS OK IF YOU CNT, STAY HYDRATED ND TAKE CARE <33 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

☆Flowers From The Same Garden (2)

☆★headcanons★☆

📒 - summary; sibling headcanons lmao

📒 - character[s] | dorm[s]; vil schoenheit, the tweels (jade leech + floyd leech)

📒 - genre; [platonic + gn!reader] crack and fluff + a little tinge of angst in vil's + cursings + twst EN and JP phrases + implied epel x reader in vil's part (although it was pretty brief)

📒 - notes;

hello anon! i'm glad you enjoyed the hcs ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ i had so much fun writing it and i think i will have fun writing this too since i have SO many ideas for the leech twins, so stay tuned for that✍️(◔◡◔)

also, a little reminder that i dont really know vil THAT well, ive yet to read his vignettes and im only on twst en, so theres maybe some part that seemed ooc or if his part kinda suck ass（ﾉ´д｀）

but anyway, take care of yourself too anon and enjoy reading~!

⁀➷ vil schoenheit

[younger sibling]

(i was a little bit indecisive when i'm trying to figure out if ______ should be the younger or the older sibling, but after a few brainstorming, i settled with younger sibling! :D)

vil absolutely adores you and he meant it!

you two spent so much of your childhood together that it made you two quite inseparable

strong sibling bond pt3

you and vil are quite the opposite with each other

which balances the aspects of you both (again, am i making sense here? idk)

vil teaches you everything he knew about potionology at that time, loving the look of focus you have every time you hear him explain

it's very endearing and he find himself smiling along with you

even if you fail to follow the instructions, he'd lightly reassure you and point out what you did wrong

"Ah! It didn't work..."

"Don't worry, it's a small mistake. You're suppose to put in vermilion essence first before the wyvern tongue,"

"Oh, right right,"

he was the one who teach you about any kind of mannerism since during the times where you're still a kid, your father was rather busy with whatever work he have

so vil was always the one looking after you

he simply teaches you things like table manners, how to talk politely and so on so forth

not only is he doing this because he's the only available caretaker for you but also because he wanted you to be the best version of yourself

and of course, he wanted to give you a great childhood

but he wouldn't go as far as to make you work your ass off every time he's teaching you

he knew you can be stubborn at times so if you say that you wanted to end the session, then it will end

"Vil, I don't want to study today. But how about we go out and visit the market instead?"

"Hm, it's still rather early though,"

"Please? I'm sure I can find ingredients to make our foods!"

"Haha, alright alright. Get yourself ready, okay? Or else I might leave you!"

"Aw, you won't do that, you cherish me too much to do that~!"

early trips to the market is something you two do when it's a free weekend

a little bit of breath of fresh air it seems

but other than buying groceries and what not, the 'trip to the market' is quite frankly a little excuse for you to spend time with vil in a more casual manner

you knew that he sometimes stress himself at certain occasions

so you wanted to at least help him relief some of it

and you know what?

vil really appreciate it

he gets a little excited whenever you say that you wanted to go to 'a trip to the market' with him

it's usually one of the eventual days, consisting of grocery shopping, making flower bouquets and looking through different perfumes, a little rest at a cafe that you two frequently come to,

each one of you ordering almost the same drinks and dessert every single time, and at times, you just let vil pick clothes for you at a boutique

you have vil to thank for arranging the clothes that fit you the most

cause if it weren't for him, you'd wear literally awfully combined clothes with either reasons being to piss people off,

or you genuinely think that's a good clothing combination

and of course, vil couldn't let such things like that happen to his beloved sibling, he's that kind afterall <3

(i can confirm this since i once have awful taste in clothing and if vil ever sees me in any of those clothes combos, he'd roundhouse punch me on the face before demanding me to change into something more tangible and not eye soring)

moving on,,,

i'd say that you weirdly hit off a little too well with rook

maybe it's because you're vil's sibling, or maybe for whatever reasons that he have

you'd rather not know

literally, your first time meeting with rook quite went like this;

Rook; "Ah! If it isn't the one and only, Aide de Poison! I've been dying to greet your presence, ravi de vous rencontrer~!"

______, looking at him with confusion; "...Hah??"

Vil, with a hand on your shoulder; "Don't mind him, ______. He's an oddball, but he means well,"

since you and epel are from the same year, you two also get along very, very well

a little too well even

i mean, vil knew it's pretty obvious on epel side, but you can be pretty oblivious so it's going to be rather entertaining for him to watch~

he'd leave subtle hints on what you like or what you're more likely to do at that time to epel, and pray every single time for you to not miss the hint

oh well, what can he do?

young people can figure it out themselves

i also would like to say that you two take no shits from people!!

absolutely power sibling/power duo/whatever you call it

when you two notice people shit talking about you, two pairs of judgmental eyes are enough to shut them up

especially when paired with chuckles and sinister smiles yum yum yum

go off schoenheits!!

and last but not least,,

______; "Vil, what did we say about comparison?"

Vil; "...Did we talk about that before? I didn't remember,"

______; "Well, if that so, let me refresh your memory. Comparison is not good because it's, obviously, bad! You're quite frankly creating a bad mindset for yourself that you need to be better than everyone else to be able to be satisfied with yourself,"

Vil, sighing; "Is that so...?"

______; "Yeah, and I don't, really like seeing you sad..."

Vil; "Hm, well if you're saying it like that, now I feel bad,"

______; "I mean, you can try to make it up by doing skincare routines with me, killing two birds with one stone technically. So, how's that sound?"

Vil, smiling; "I'd like that,"

you both cherish each other very very much in conclusions <3

⁀➷ jade leech + floyd leech

[triplets]

deadly trio, i repeat, deadly mf trio

if you, per se, value your life, you don't want to mess with EITHER of them leech triplets when they're all in the same place or room

cause if you do, well, let's just say that you're gonna be 6ft underground in a minute

sorry, i don't make the rules

you are a good mix of floyd's chaotic actions + mood swings and jade's calmness + hints of subtle threats

or to put it simply, you are a menace

you gotta be the only person that no one can even know what you're thinking

it's just that you're overly complicated that not even one person can tell what you're about to do next or what you might cause

if anything, jade and floyd are the only ones that can read you

and what's worse is that they will never tell anyone what you're gonna do and might even encourage you to do so in the most vague way

but there's nothing to worry about, really~!

because you don't cause a lot of troubles like floyd

and even if you felt like causing one today, jade would (sometimes) instantly stop you and you'd have no choice than to back down

"Fufu, do you really want to wreak havoc today, ______?"

"You can tell very clearly, Jade~!"

you have your targets that you wanted to play around with and you have your plans on what you want to tease them about

like for example, that odd ramshackle student, they're so fun to play with and you love the reactions they gave you

but of course, you won't go too far since you're still 'kind' enough to let them go even if you're not completely bored yet

whenever he's not with jade, floyd would absolutely drag you around to do the great seven knows what

you don't really care anyway and just join him whenever your mood aren't sour

floyd is always 10 times more chaotic with you alongside him, and you two would just do whatever the fuck you want and if jade's not there, then no one can stop you two

(azul have a slight chance to stop you but if anything, he's scared of you so he keep his distance)

hanging on every tree branches and see who can jump the farthest from where you are hanging from, running around the whole field after school for at least 4 rounds,

THERE ONE INCIDENT WHERE YOU THROW FRESHLY WET SOCKS AT PEOPLE WITH FLOYD DURING A SCHOOL WEEKEND

both you and floyd were just having the time of your life, laughing and having fun while others are just in despair, trying to run away from you two

"Ahahaha~! Macky, catch!!"

"HUH—?!"

it ends with you two having to clean windows for a week but you and floyd were just giggling the whole time as you do so

clearly, both of you didn't learn anything nor do you regret anything during that incident

good for you two ig?

i'd like to think that both of you and floyd's moodiness affect each of you

if floyd sees that you're not in a good mood, he will also not be in a good mood and vice versa

like an infection yknow

"ughhh, i want to sleep and never wake up, class was sooooo boring,"

"but who will play around with meeeeee if you're goneee???"

"just ask Azul, he will be glad to do so,"

"I will not," -azul

riddle is absolutely in despair whenever he bumps with not only floyd, but YOU too

sure, you're a lot more calmer than floyd, he had been in classes with you before and saw how tranquil you can be

but he knew that you're an absolute menace whenever being with floyd

"aha~ goldfishie, what are you doing right now~?"

"goldfishie, hm? what a suitable name, don't you think riddle~?"

he's going to lose his mind at one point, oh well

during days where you are calmer, you would just follow jade and talk about whatever you think is interesting

tailing him around to wherever he's going like a lost puppy

oh wait, that's not the right word um...oh, right

you latch onto him like a parasite

whether you're talking about someone, talking about boring classroom stuff, talking about plants?, talking about places in school??, talking about an event back in the coral sea when you two were kids all of a sudden???

if you haven't realize it now, ______ talks about literally anything in their mind

moray eels nature ig?

anyway,, whether you're talking about any shit, jade would just listen to you with great interest

no matter how boring the subject is, you always have ways to make it sound interesting

one of your perks it seems (and because you're his triplet so is it really that surprising?)

you call everything you think is a mushroom a mushroom

and jade would correct you with a smile every single time

"what about that mushroom over there?"

"ah, that's called Ascomycota and it's a fungi, not a mushroom,"

"well it is a mushroom now cause i said so,"

"oh, ______, you really should learn new things once in a while. mushrooms are indeed fungi, but not all fungi are mushrooms,"

"that literally make no sense, if mushrooms can be this fungi thing, why aren't fungi allowed to be mushrooms??"

"that's the most interesting aspect of it in my opinion~"

if you don't care about constant mushroom dishes;

you'd consume every mushroom jade gives you with no care

it's only mushrooms, it's not like your brother is going to feed you poison mushrooms...

...yet (jkjk)

every time azul and floyd get tired of eating mushroom dishes by jade, they'll dump it all on your mouth as if you're a trashcan

🍄mushroom trashcan🍄

but if you DO care about constant mushroom dishes;

expect a chase scene at one point

floyd checking his back to see if jade's getting any closer,

jade chasing you three, mushrooms on plates and a smile on his face

you're running while grabbing on floyd wrists in case he gets tired of running

and azul being carried over your shoulder

the mushrooms are getting too much and none of you are having it lmao

also

Azul; "Jade, ______, Floyd, please take care of those gentlemen for me,"

Jade, ______and Floyd, with that smile; "As you wish," "With pleasure~" "Aha, sure~"

(okay, i am now in love with ______ leech)

[iwadori]

Why you break up with the haikyu boys part 2 (Osamu, Iwaizumi, Daichi, Ushijima.)

Part 1 (Atsumu, Oikawa, Kageyama, Kenma, Akaashi, Sugawara)

Genre: angst

masterlist

Osamu: “For fuck sake Y/N, don’t deny it I know that you...”

You and Osamu were basically arranged to be together, you were best friends from when you were little and your parents thought you were a match made in heaven.

Did you love Osamu? Of course, you pretty much worshipped the ground he walked on.

But there was always a strange look he gave you whenever he mentioned his brother. You never really focused on it, but that was something you took note of.

When you came back home, after a long day of work. You see Osamu sitting in the kitchen alone, with some paper in front of him and a drink in his hand.

“‘Samu Babe!” You exclaim sauntering over to him “How are yo-“

“Don’t.” He said simply, taking a sipping some of his drink (to which you could only assume was some form of hard liquor.)

“Why ‘Samu, what’s wro-“

“You bought tickets to his game.”

“Who’s game?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Y/N, you bought tickets to my idiot of a brothers game in an attempt to slut around under my nose..”

“Samu, that’s not what it was I-“

“I don’t want to hear it Y/N!” He yelled slamming his drink down making you flinch.

“Gosh Samu whats wrong with you. I know that I had a teeny crush on Atsumu when we were kids but it was just a childhood crush. An innocent childhood crush.”

“For fuck sake Y/N, don’t deny it I know yo-“

“You know what? That I’ve spent majority of my life, trying to ease your own insecurities and jealousy of your own goddamn brother. How childish can you be Osamu ?”

Osamu eyes opened a bit in realisation, and his lips slightly parted. “But Y/N, you-“

“I what? Brought us tickets to your TWIN brothers final volleyball game, because I wanted him to see the support from his family and friends.”

“I’m sorry Y/N I really a-“

“Don’t.” you say picking up the tickets and turning around “I just thought maybe, just maybe for at least a day you could put your weird feelings towards your brother aside... but I guess you can’t.”

You left the apartment, and got your stuff another day (one where you knew Osamu was at work.)

No you did not end up dating Atsumu, you were most certainly friends and only friends. You did end up going to the game on your own, to cheer on Atsumu who most definitely appreciated it.

You thought you saw a certain Miya twins sitting in the stands at of the game, hiding his face with a baseball cap. Which made you smile a bit...

Well at least he ended up coming to the game.

Iwaizumi: “I just don’t want you Y/N, I never did”

In your second year of Seijoh Highschool, you were approached by a rough looking boy who had a ‘resting bitch face,’ and looked like they were coming to pick a fight with you.

But no, it was just “Iwaizumi Hajime.”

He was very popular throughout your school, as he was vice captain of the schools volleyball team and he was Oikawa Toorus best friend.

So when he approached you that Friday afternoon at your locker, you definitely didn’t know why.

“Y/N..” he said nervously scratching the back of his neck “umm this is for you..”

In his hands was a bar of chocolate and a scrunched up note that read

AN: DID I WRITE THAT NOTE MYSELF, yes yes I did anyways...

You were very surprised at this sudden confession as you and Iwaizumi weren’t in the same social circles and you were definitely not the type of girl that would be on his ‘radar.’

You had a quite unsettling feeling, which made you subconsciously squint your eyes at him. But they soon soften as you saw the nervousness that Iwaizumi was showcasing to you as you were contemplating on you answer.

You got out a pen, shaking the unsettling feeling you had out of your head. And ticked the box “Yes” giving it back to Iwaizumi.

He smiled widely and rushed towards you in an attempts in giving you a hug which went awkwardly wrong leaving you both laughing.

Dating Hajime, wasn’t bad nor good... it’s just what you wouldn’t expect it to be.

There wasn’t much of a change to what your usual school routine was which consisted of: going to lessons and spending break and lunch on your own reading a book.

And technically you were still doing that, but you were now just always with Hajime. Wether it was at lunch or at practice (which he always insisted you go to, also hinting that he would like for you to bring him bentos to practice.) which you did end up doing.

One day, whilst doing your daily “bento delivery,” to your boyfriend, you overhear him talking to his friends; Matsukawa and Hanamaki.

“God I can’t stand her, always running behind me like a lost puppy giving me bentos that I didn’t even fucking as for” he complained, making you gasp.

“Really?” Exclaimed Hanamaki “I know you said she confessed to you one time, but I didn’t know it was that bad?”

“Yeah she’s a stalking bitch, it’s getting annoying.”

“Gosh it’s seems someones getting a taste of the ‘Oikawa Experience’” Matsun said making them all laugh.

You entered the room, furious. “What the fuck Hajime?”

“Woah woah woah, it’s seems your stalkers about iwa, we’ll leave you too it” said Hanamaki, with Matsun following behind him as they leave.

“What do they mean I’m a stalker?”

“Well aren’t you?” He responded with a smirk

“Gosh y/n you’ve been following me about for a while now, dont you think it’s time to stop”

“Bu-But you confessed, with your note and w-“

“Are you sure about that Y/N, cause I don’t really recall ...?”

“Hajime don’t lie, we were dating.. we ARE DATING.”

“Okay Y/N let me fill you in on a little secret,” he said leaning down next to your ear “I don’t want you Y/N, I never did.”

“ but why m-“

“Why you? Because nobody knows Y/N L/N and nobody cares, I can tarnish your name and nobody will give a shit.. and that’s why your an easy target” he said still smiling “ I just wanted to rub it into Shittykawas face that I had my own little “fan club”

You were stunned, frozen in shock as Iwaizumi walks past you to leave the gym, making sure to grab the bento you made him.

“Thanks again for the help, I’m definitely going to miss these bentos!”

You should have listened to your gut feeling from before.

Daichi: “you’re just not marriage material”

Daichi was “the perfect guy,” he was nice to strangers and was helpful to the community and just an all round great guy.

So it was a massive question as to why he went for you, since you were definitely not the girl for Daichi.

“I don’t care what anyone says, your the perfect girl for me” was what he always said.

Even though those statements went out the window whenever his mother got involved.

Daichi’s mum was a strict traditional woman, who believed in family values that went back thousands of years ago.

And she most certainly didn’t like you.

She wanted you to be Daichi’s doting wife, who cooked and cleaned for him. Whilst he works and was the breadwinner of the house.

Although you found no problem with the women that did do this, but this was not for you.

When it comes to meet ups with you, Daichi and his mother. He never told her to stop when it came to the rude comments she made about you, or the times she suggested Daichi go for a more “prim and proper” girl named “Misaki Ayuzawa.”

After the meetings, when his mother was gone, he always tried to reassure that she was wrong and her words didn’t matter.

But you knew they did, that daichi was actually considering some of the things she said about you wether they were true or not.

The tension in your household was strong, since you barely talked to each other anymore. But you had hope for better things...

Until one day, you get a message from Daichi’s mother saying. “It seems Daichi made the right choice, as we all know ‘Mother Knows best.’” With a video attached of Daichi proposing to the one and only “Mikasa Ayuzawa” surrounded by all their high class business friends.

When Daichi got home he yelled, “Y/N, where are you I was at this business party at this fancy restaurant and I got some nice things for you to try!”

“Business party?” You say rolling your eyes “Or Engagement party.”

The shocked look on his face made you smile, as you both knew now that he was caught.

“Fuck you daichi! Why would you do this without even tell me !” You yelled, tearing up a bit.

“Y/N, it wasn’t meant to go down like that it was just I was talking to my mu-“

“Fuck your mum! And you!”

“I’m sorry Y/N you’re just not marriage material an-“

“I don’t care what you’ve got to say, you’ve done it and it’s over with”you said leaving.

“I’ll come back to get my stuff later,” you say “oh and congratulations on the engagement Sawamura-San”

After you said that, Daichi’s heart broke.

He did end up marrying her, and he regretted every day of it. Since she was great and all, but she just wasn’t you...

But he knows now you’re long gone, definitely not going to forgive him for marrying another girl whilst being with him.

Ushijima : stop being so emotional

You and Ushijima were very much opposite In every aspect, and at first it wasn’t really a problem.

Especially since you always excused it as “opposite attracts.”

But recently all you and Ushijima do is argue, left and right always arguing.

You complained about Ushijimas lack of emotion when it came to you, you don’t think he cared about you or about anything.

Whenever you brought up something that was wrong he would reply with “Y/N this is something you need to be acting all upset about.”

And that would definitely upset you even more, you just wanted him to notice you or shout “Y/N I care about you and I love you.”

But Of course he didn’t.

One night he came back late (again) after promising to be home early to have a meal together.

“What’s taken you so long Ushi?” You asked

“I was at practice. I told you this.” He said simply, remaining as stoic as ever.

“But you said- you promised that we can have dinner together.” You said

“ oh well I’m sorry. We can have dinner now if you like.”

“I’m not hungry anymore” you mumbled past him, going to your bedroom.

“Y/N, what’s your problem” he said following after you.

“It’s nothing...”you said tears filling your eyes.

“Okay I’m going to go eat now.” He said leaving you alone in the room going to the kitchen, making you sigh.

After you calm yourself and collect your faults, you go into the kitchen where Ushijima is at the table eating.

“Ushijima, we need to talk.” You said taking a deep breath.

“Okay.”

“We should break up.”

“Okay.”

“Is that all you have to say?” You say tearing up again.

“Yes, I’ve been thinking that for a while now.” He said bluntly “since Y/N, you’re just too emotional.”

“Oh I see.” You say now full on crying.

Ushijima looks up to see you all teared-eye, and he is kind of suprised because ‘why were you upset.’ He got up and tried to console you, but you flinched away and said “Don’t, just don’t Ushijima.”

“I’m sorry Y/N...”

“Why are you sorry? Do you even know what you’re apologising for?”

“No.”

“Well then, just seems to prove my point further...” you go to leave before saying “thanks for the wonderful time... I guess we just weren’t meant to be.”

AN: can someone appreciate what I did with Iwaizumis....no? Okay 😃 I feel this one way way more angsty then part one but oh well. What did you think.

General taglist[bold can’t be tagged]: @sakuxxi @iimoonii @hamdehlesmis @Shoyosupremacy @meadowsinjapan @iambashfulperson @kayleighbeccaa @dearkousei @bakugouswh0r3

Get on the taglist here

[misterbitches]

what i like abt muren and li chen

i’m sorta burned out and my vagina is bleeding so lemme see if i can type this. probably can lmao. my brain is going ten miles a minute.

1. the fact that they were friends first.

 someone on here said this and idk who but i don’t want to seem like it was my idea. 

the fact that they are friends and didn’t have like a connection previously and it developed. most times friends-to-lovers has a basis of some sort of romantic interest from another person so they were not truly ever friends, you know? and many relationships people aren’t friends first but that’s the best kind. and they are the truest form in that (i wouldnt say truest means good but just i think a representation of) they were truly friends, no attraction at least consciously, and were lead into it. 

2. bc they know each other well and are friends they know each other and LAUGH and if you can’t laugh with your love then there is no point. 0. lmao. i love it

idk they fell easily in2 the luvy duvy part and u can actually believe they are into each other like outside of kissing. gee. also hello! when lichen like threw the heart in the office and muren caught it? bitch! i woulda been like ew!!!!! and blushed but muren was like that’s right that’s my bitch

3. bouncing off 2 um uhhhhh the way they interact so i guess this is 2 but whatver i like lists now

muren is >:O but super sweet and receptive to others. so he responds to people and it isn’t just stoic for stoic sake or with not much substance. idk how to say this but oftentimes sometimes i feel like characters will be too oppositional to offset their partner and it can be extremely annoying to watch because it’s part of the dynamic but sometimes there’s a lack of reciprocation. i like that even if muren is quiet he smiles a lot and lets people know through his actions and shit. esp his mans. and when he needs to talk, he will. 

lichen is perfect for this because of reasons. what do you even say about this dude holy shit. first of all he really is a fucking himbo. he’s not even dumb he’s just a fucking himbo. it’s great to say the way they express their excitement and the best thing to hear, “i can be myself around you”

4. u cannnot tell me that this top/bottom discourse is actually not ridiculous esp for them bc there is no way that my eyes are seeing what i see yet there’s some struggle when they’re trying to constantly grapple with the masculine/feminine aspects (this is a good thing)

with the way that they hang off each other. esp bc lichen is shorter than him and stockier and he can attach himself like a barnacle. the way he expresses glee and love is very “feminine” at times IE reliance, support, putting your head on his etc but then there are times when he is the one to hold muren too. so it’s like they are clearly on the same  level in how they exchange love and stuff and exploring the dynamics but it clearly isnt as structured as the usual ones and it shouldnt be so they should just stop talking about this shit cos ur both getting fucked god shut up

lichen squeals like a girl and is obsessed with him. he is clingy and also says “what do you want to do to me.” if this show is gonna sit us through the agony of this stupid discourse and they tell me they arent gonna sw*tch or whatever (not that they cant have other forms of sex bc that is not that difficultand as adults w eknow this but anywaaay) then they simply are wrong

5. the ~gay 4 u~ thing is dumb and i cannot believe it tbqh cos it’s like sir....but i am glad that lichen like expresses attraction to his physique and personhood as a man and acknowledging that that is something and a part of the attraction.

 it was probably a happy accident but it’s still a good one. there’s sometimes an idea of like sexual attraction being sorta nebulous when someone is like getting into a rship with the same gender but not being sure about their sexuality or whatever or still liking another gender explicitly where they cant admit they find things attractive or enticing even when they are in a same sex relationship and it is so fucking confusing and doesn’t make sense. i wish instead of trying to make it cut and dry they just went honestly mabye they dont know but theyre both men and thats a factor. ok lets move on now. :) 

6. they make u feel nice

especially in comparison to the show being messy and also there’s some crazy stalker man running around you know they temper that 

they’re just really fun to watch. it’s an interesting dynamic and particularly with xing si in their lives it’s nice and i’m so glad there’s no one else to ruin it like say a brother who is a waste of space. but it’s mostly good feelings for them and you can see why they like each other, that they can stay together, and how helpful a relationship can be as you grow as an individual

7. while i am sure there will be further misunderstandings...comm...unic...ation?

literally boys are dumb as hell but idk if my reading is correct on this one but SO FAR TO MOI im like wow u guys like actually talk. woah. and i think that’s nice. yest i had a breakdown in front of my fam bc i am sometimes emotionally stunted when faced with distress so it’s nice to see people talking that out in particularly with like jealousy and stuff

AND their interactions in public and the understanding. knowing it takes time and stuff for them to adjust and allowing them the time. they are extremely different to other people and they want to be distinct and they can be and arre to each other they dont need to follow anyone else’s rules (except the costume department sometimes needs to get better pants for muren like that’s my rule tbh but that’s neither here nor there)

did some1 call them emotional support himbos? i think so cos word. 

oh one more thing idk the name of the actor playing li chen and im too tired to look it up but i like him a lot i think he does a good job of going seamlessly between like a jubilant person and an actual human being. he plays well at being oblivious but not outright stupid and emotionally stunted or not picking up certain signals. i think at times it seems like he doesn’t always have a sense of self  like trying to be something else for other people but then he realizes like he can’t do that so all he can do is be himself which leads him 2 his mans but yea. the actor does a decent job! it’s a fun character to wathc

[lanchang]

one of the things that pisses me off with the novels is how class inequality is handled w/ MQ,like yeah everyone treats him with suspicion,pity or as a weird exotic trinket and after a certain point he snaps and leaves,he literally has to pull himself by his bootstraps to get somewhere,now let's disregard all of that backstory and have people(HC and FX)mistreat him for the lols,like idk esp with HC it makes me uncomfortable how the narrative treats this whole thing(nonsensical rambling,sorry)

oh yeah it sucks like the broom thing is actually cruel everyone disregards his feelings and mocks him for something that was completely out of his control and i really do feel so bad for him like he really did work so hard and he does have a good heart and he just doesnt get the respect he deserves and has earned. unfortunately i think it makes a lot of sense that he is mistreated in that way. i have problems with the way tgcf handles certain aspects of its story, but for the most part not this one tbh. it is common for people from a poor background to be looked on like that, even when theyve been able to climb out of it (and not to discredit mu qing's hard work, but this pretty much only happens with the help of someone from a higher status. and thats unfair and it shouldnt be like that but it is often the case!!)

classism is real like that and the way its depicted with mu qing shows it pretty well imo even way back in the flashbacks like the other disciples at the palace who bully him for the cherry picking thing and pretty much just say "wow look at this guy taking food to feed his poor family" when there is LITERALLY nothing wrong with that in any way at all its not even like the cherries are off limits its just cherries. its not morally wrong it at all and its not against the rules but they just dont like him and they use the fact that he's a servant and poor against him. its not right!! but it does happen. and even 800 years later despite mu qing ascending he was still once a kid from a poor neighborhood and while maybe not everyone knows that anymore, it never stops being true.

its interesting to me that both he and hua cheng came from pretty similar backgrounds (although hc also had the whole being cursed thing etc. also i desperately wish his background in xianle and in the 800 years was expanded on more it BOGGLES my mind that mxtx just took those details about him out im like PUT IT BACK IN!!! i know this thing is xie lian's pov but come on pleasepleaseplease) but they have such an antagonistic relationship with each others. obviously a huge difference is the way they interact with xie lian its such an interesting contrast that hc just adores him completely while mq was actually his friend but also his servant so he had a much more complicated relationship with him (this is also why im more invested in the trio than i am in hua/lian, i love complexity and i dont find the simply devoted thing that compelling in the long run. there are still things about them that i think are impactful and i do relate to aspects of it, but to me personally it feels like an incomplete story) i dont much to say on that right now, its something i want to pay attention to in my reread because i do think its interesting. on the one hand sometimes people from similar backgrounds like that can stick together and understand each other. on the other hand sometimes they can judge each other harsher than anyone else because of how theyve internalized things also in general i think sometimes we can judge people who are similar to us quite a bit because we think we know better than them

this ended up being so long and i just dumped all my thoughts on you sorry!! 😅😅😅 this is part of the story i do find really interesting its part of why mu qing is such a fave of mine theres a lot going on and for all that he often says the wrong thing in the wrong way, he's much more aware of how the world works than the other two because he's lived it and hes right!! when he does leave he's right!! everything he says that they need to do to survive xl and fx end up doing after he leaves he was right!! and after 800 years he still gets everything thrown back in his face it isnt right!!! but i do unfortunately think that its very real </3

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[valkyrieskwad]

hello ive just finished smokejumper au and oh mygod this story is the warmest hug on the coldest winter evening. its everything i never knew could exist and never knew i needed and i literally cried through the whole thing probably from chapter 2 to the end that i had to take off my glasses and let my eyes hurt from the lack of blue lens but its worth it bc you wrote this and i love it so much. i was a little wary of starting this story tbh when i saw the tags on depression and mi bc i was afraid it might be too heavy for me but it ended up being the complete opposite. it was a breath of fresh air and a huge sigh of relief and catharsis all at once. everything about the story resonates so deeply w me that i was just shook. i couldnt wait to finish reading it so i can hop on tumblr to tell you how amazing you are once again and that im so grateful you exist and that you are willing to share your art w the world. we really dont deserve you. im just so in awe of every piece you put out and i could read anything you write forever. im aware this ask is getting long and im sorry about that but i just want to make sure i let you know how much your writing comforts me, it makes me feel seen and known and understood, like how lena sees and understands and empathizes with kara and aggshahdhd, dude i fucking love you and your writing so much, so thank you thank you thank you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

i was also going back and forth about sending this ask and deciding to just put it in a different ask bc like, im still shaking from all the feelings smokejumper au has evoked in me and i NEED to talk about it. the part where lena asked about kara’s pronouns so respectfully and the conversation that followed about kara and her conflict w wanting to be a boy vs feeling like she needed to be a boy is just, something that couldnt have come to me at a better time bc its something that ive been struggling w v recently and ive never said it out loud before and up to maybe a few weeks ago, ive never even said it to myself, or at least ive just tucked that so far inside my brain and avoided it. and then reading about it in one of your stories made me realize that this is a thing other people deal w too and like im not alone and its so so nice. you have such a deep understanding of the human condition, and youre able to so accurately narrate certain aspects of being human that like, im just like 🥺🥺🥺 i hope this doesnt come off wrong but it becomes so much more than a story, i cant even articulate it ahfhksjan. like its so real. and you do it w such brilliance and grace. idk i feel like could go on forever about how much i love your writing but i need to stop at some point. anyway, i hope you have a really good day and something makes you smile today!!!

Hi!! this whole thing is beautiful and it’s made me smile for a few days now, so i thank you for being the light you want to see in the world!! im glad catharsis seems to be a general theme with that, and im really glad with a lot of the choices i made haha. when writing it i felt like some things were too honest? but i think that’s what makes some parts relatable :p also ‘we really don’t deserve you’ is praise so high i cant even see it anymore. thank you so much it’s so sweet, i don’t know what to do with that.

as for your second part: i think the responses i got to that part of the fic have genuinely been my favorite feedback hands down that ive ever gotten for anything. i was actually really nervous to post that because it was even hard for me to articulate haha, but i’m glad it came across well, and im glad i was able to put it into words and help so many others put it into words. idk, that’s like always been my goal with writing, so it’s nice it actually happened.

sorry it took so long to get to this, but it’s so sweet and i can’t tell you how much i appreciate it. so much love to you! i hope the rest of your week/weekend is amazing. thanks for dropping in <333

[bombardthehq]

Convention and Meaning: Derrida and Austin Jonathan Culler, 2008 / read July 20

for Saussure things got their meaning by differnetation, contrasts

but this cant give a complete account: if you say 'Could you lift that box?' it might be a request, an abstract question of capability, or a rhetorical question about how hopelessly heavy it is

so where does it get the meaning?

we risk going back to saying that the meaning resides in the consciousness of the speaker

but a structuralist would ask: what makes it possible for them to mean these several things at once?

so we account for the meaning of 'utterances', different from sentences, by analyzing a different system: that of Speech Acts

so Austin is thus repeating Saussure's move: describing the system that makes 'signifying events' (parole) possible

Austin wont let us locate meaning in the speaker's mind - there isnt an 'inner act of meaning' which goes on when you mean something

it gets its meaning through certain conventions -- if I say 'I promise to return this to you', indicating an item I will borrow, you understand that I am making a promise, but when I just wrote it you understood that this is not a promise bc it lacks the context

so Austin offers a structural explanation of meaning which avoids 'logocentric premesis' -- but in his discussion of it he reintroduces the problems he just overcomes. This is what Derrida tries to deal with in Signature, Event, Context

in How To Do Things With Words, Austun wants to get over some narrow views of language his milieu had; to have a theory adequate to statements which had been discarded as meaningless or 'psuedo-statements' for not fitting their critera [which were: either a description, or a statement of fact - and could be either true or false]

he distinguishes two types: constitutive statments (descriptions of statements of fact), and performative statements (which enact what they say)

there is a surprising conclusion here: if I say, 'I affirm that the cat is on the matt', I'm performing my affirmation. But a crucial aspect of performatives is that they can have the explicitly performative part removed: 'I will pay you tomorrow' is still a promise. But removing the 'I affirm...' gives us, 'the cat is on the mat' - I still affirm it, performatively - but the statement I make is also an emblematic constitutive statement

Culler notes that Austin's argument here is a 'splendid' instance of the deconstructionist 'supplementarism' here, in its inversion of the old formula: what had been seen as merely secondary or inessential becomes the most primary -- rather than performatives being secondary to constitutives, the constitutives are a special case of the performative

"The conclusion that a constative is a performative from which one of various performative verbs has been deleted has since been adopted by numerous linguists." [how used is this in linguistics?]

this allows us to solve the problem of a single statement having multiple meanings: its actually a performative statment from which the performative has been deleted. 'I ask you to lift the box', 'I inquire if you could lift the box', 'I despair at the box's weight'

Austin doesnt argue this and would be skeptical of it; he argues that illocuctionary force (meaning) does not necessarily derive from  grammatical structure

he instead proposes a distinction between locutionary and illocuntionary acts

so when I say 'the chair is broken' I perform the 'locutionary' act of making an utterance, and the 'illocutionary' act of 'stating, warning, complaining...', whatever performance

linguistics accounts for the meaning of the locutionary act; speech act theory accunts for the meaning (or 'illocutionary force') of an utterance

explaining illocutionary force means explaining the conventions that make it possible

we might find out what these conventions are by looking at how these performatives can go wrong, might not actually enact the promised performance [I think eg. a bigamous marriage would prevent the 'I pronounce you man and wife' from really marrying the couple]

so Austin doesnt treat failure as something alterior to performatives, accidental, not part of how they really work, but an integral part of them - performances can go wrong -- something cannot BE a performative unless it CAN go wrong [continental philosophers like him for this reason: he really grasps the 'negative' (Culler puts it in these terms later)]

this accords with semiotics: a statement couldn't signify if it couldnt be said falsely

Austin argues that performing acts - like marrying or betting - must be described as something like 'saying certain words' rather than performing some inward action which the words reflect

...enter Derrida

Derrida argues that despite saying this, Austin reintroduces this inward action as the force of the performance

Austin, worrying about jokes etc., perhaps because it would involve a description of an inward act of meaning, says that only 'serious' speech acts can be analyzed, but doesnt argue for it. He actually puts 'serious' in scare quotes, as if the argument itself was a joke [Deconstructionists love that stuff...]

so after remarking that philosophers wrongly excluded utterances which werent true or false, he excludes utterances which aren't serious. Instead of arguing for it as a 'rigorous move within philosophy', its a customary exclusion 'on which philosophy relies'

later on he describes these 'unserious' uses as 'parasitic on' the normal use; so Austin introduces a new constitutive & supplementary distinction, after getting away from one

Searle defended this to Derrida saying that we ought not *start* our investigation by considering these parasitic discourses [we feel, and have perhaps been primed to feel by Culler, that this misses the point that Austin makes his intervention by uncovering the way these 'supplementary' excess cases are core to the working logic of speech acts, and this might be another such case - although we might not feel it to be necessarily the case that *all* supplementary things are likewise constitutive, although perhaps Derrida 1. argues that *this* supplement is constituive, but also 2. that all supplements are constitutve of what they are supplemental to, as a matter of a thing being a thing, elsewhere]

actually Derrida's case is moreso that setting aside these uses as secondary from the beginning is begging the question; the theory has to be able to account for them -- Austin deals with an 'ideal language' here, not the one really used (which includes uses by actors on a stage, in jokes... Derrida here appears as an ordinary language philosopher!)

So Searle argues that its parasitic because its not possible for an actor to make a promise in a play if we didnt make promises in real life; but Culler says, why see it this way around? Perhaps it is only possible to make a promise in real life if it could be made in a play. For Austin, an utterance is only possible because there are formuals and procedures that we can follow to do so - so for me to do it irl, there have to be iterable procedures that could be acted out...

so Derrida asks: could my performance succeed if it didn't conform to an iterable model? -- for it to succeed there needs to be a model, a representation, and the actors representation of it is just such a thing

~footnote: some commentary on Searle's disagreement... he brings up a use/mention distinction - performatives use utterances, while actors just mention them. Derrida argues that this distinction requires us to go back to making use of intentionality & the inner act that meaning depends on, what we were trying to get away from: if I mention something instead of use it, it can only be because I intend to mention it...

Culler gives an example that is very ambiguous w/r/t use/mention - "His colleagues have said his work was 'boring' and 'pointless' " -- have I merely mentioned the words boring and pointless (since I'm just quoting others who have said it) or have I used them (since I do imply that his work is really boring and pointless)? To tell you would have to decide which one I intended to express.~

so, to repeat Austin's move on the core/marginal distinction that Austin reintroduces: the so-called serious performance is actually a special case of the parasitic - its an instance or reenactment of this iterable representation

so imitation is a condition of possibility of signification

eg., for there to be a recognizable original 'Hemmingway style', there must be some style which can be imitated, repeated, etc. [This seems very convincing to me]

so, the performative is from the outset structured by this possibility for iterability, citation, performance-of...

the reason that Austin reintroduces this flawed core/supplementary model is to solve a problem for speech act theory:

if you explicate all the conditions that make a particular performative possible (which is the goal of speech act theory), say-- 'I pronounce you married' is perforative only if there is a marriage license, a licensed officiary, etc. - one can *always* imagine a further scenario that would cause the performative to fail (say, they're all actors in a play...)

Austin tries to resolve this by ruling out instances where the speaker is 'not serious' - but this requires us to appeal to the intentions, etc...

so to make performatives and 'performance' coextensive is to maintain a version of the theory that can really discard intention etc., but at the cost of being unable to explicate the conditions of possibility of a given performative - because it gets its meaning only via context, and the number of contexts is infinite

... [skipping a nice section that we dont really need to note]

for Austin, a signature is the equivalent in writing of a performative utterance, 'I hereby...'

on this idea, Derrida ends Signature, Event, Context, by writing his name twice, and indicating one is a counterfeit of the other. The joke being: is this counterfit, citational second signature not a signature, because he wasnt being serious? or does it function as a signature, because a signature is signing your name?

the other implication: which of the two signatures is the 'real' one? you cant tell in writing -- 'the effects of the signature depend on iterability'

so contrary to Austin, who holds that the signature is an indication of some inner intention (assent to an agreement, etc), the signature can only funtion if it is repeatable, iterable... "The condition of possibility of [its] effects is simaultaneously ... its condition of impossibility, or the impossibility of their rigorous function." [ie. to be possible, it must also be imitable, repeatable... theres a bit of what 'difference & repetition' is engaging w/ here --

interesting to comapre w/ Deleuze here - for Derrida, something has to be repeatable in order to be at all because its just a repeatable expression of conditions of possibility. This means its negative is prefactored into its conditions of possibility -- the price of having a signature is that the signature can be counterfeited.

Deleuze is somewhat allergic to 'conditions of possibility', and also wants to find a system where the negative doesn't exist. I'm not sure how he might argue w/ Derrida here. Perhaps he would feel that it is the difference between each signature which makes it repeatable... but that doesnt really make sense to me & is probably an overly literal reading. It's possible the two only disagree in terminology here - what Derrida would call the negative is just another form of difference for Deleuze. I'm not sure.]

Culler talks about how signatures can be made without the signatory's presence, in the case of machines signing checks automatically, so that wages are paid without being physically cashed in

he identifies 'logocentrism' as seeing these sorts of things as secondary to or parasitic on direct speech where the speaker's intentions are carried out

really, such cases could not occur if they didnt belong to the structure of the signing (etc.) already

so Derrida says that intention will not disappear from a good analysis, but it will no longer govern the entire 'system of utterance'... so while I intend to mean something and thats why I speak, the act of speaking itself introduces a gap between my intention and my words. My attention is the reason I structure things the way I do, why I make use of certain conventions, etc., but my intention is not accessible in the words I use (just as we might say, if I make a necklace, my intention for the necklace to be a gift for my niece is not a property of the necklace itself; the meaning/illocutionary force of a speech act is the necklace here - a speech act is given its meaning by the conventions it uses to generate a meaning, and I employ those conventions to try and say what I intend to say)

Culler introduces the unconscious here - often we say things and do things for reasons we are unconcious of, so intention is even a little more deflated. My reasons for saying something are not entirely conscious intentions which are transparent and accessible to reflection, but a 'structuring intentionality' that includes implications that never "entered my mind"

"Intentions are not a delimited content but open sets of discursive possibilities-what one will say in response to questions about an act." [nice idea]

"The example of the signature thus presents us with the same structure we encountered in the case of other speech acts: (1) the dependence of meaning on conventional and contextual factors, but (2) the impossibility of exhausting contextual possibilities so as to specify the limits of illocutionary force, and thus (3) the impossibility of controlling effects of signification or the force of discourse by a theory, whether it appeal to intentions of subjects or to codes and contexts." [a summary of the whole argument]

what this means is that meaning can never be *exhaustively* determined, but we are still left with tools to examine speech acts and how they work, etc.

Culler gives a nice defense that meaning being indeterminable (or not precisely, finally, exhaustively determinable) does not mean that no analysis can or should be done by comparing it with Godel's incompleteness theorem in mathematics: "the impossibility of constructing a theoretical system within which all true statements of number theory are theorems does not lead mathematicians to abandon their work"

[parelmoer]

Well I agree that whoever criticizes Wtfock are valid. However, one thing I’ve seen quite often is the wrong assumptions of those who did like it. Those who like it have been labeled “obviously straight,” “fetishizers, “misogynists,” and even worse. If we didn’t automatically think the bashing scene was harmful, we were sent hate as well, never mind that some of us have actually been victims of an attack like that. Anyway, this moral superiority based on the remake you stan is so silly.

I agree w the fact that people sometimes judge wtfock stans too harshly for liking the remake, because being a fan/enjoying the show obviously doesn’t mean that you agree w everything that they’ve done or that you don’t criticise them where necessary. Even though s3 has taken away my love for the show and has made me rethink certain aspects that I’ve defended before, I still really love their s2 a lot and I think it’s the second best noora season (after españa) that I’ve already seen tbh! But if we’re being completely honest; the skam fandom as a whole is already very misogynistic and tends to fetishise it’s mlm couples, which is something that sadly always happens when a show has a mlm couple/characters. And Wtfock’s writing decisions in particular gave the wtfock fandom an opportunity to be even more fetishising and misogynistic then I’ve witnessed in any of the other skam remake fandoms (But like I only really interact w españa/austin and wtfock so I’m kind of biased and dont know how italia, druck and fr are when it comes to these things). The way they decided to push britt entirely into the crazy ex girlfriend trope for example, instead of explaining her motives like skam did w sonja, makes it very easy for the fandom to be extremely hateful towards her, because we were never given a decent explanation for why she acts the way she does (I mean she’s been cheated on twice so there’s your explanation, but they didn’t give her the same treatment as skam did to sonja if you get what I’m saying?) and let’s not forget how people treated noor when she was still dating robbe. The writers definitely also gave the fandom the means to fetishise sobbe, for example the shower scene, which to me was more like a weird invasive fanfic scene then it was a realistic depiction of two teenage boys having sex. And let’s not forget infamous wtfock fandom relics like that moaning vid (but like ive never actually seen it so technically i can’t really accurately judge that). But then again the actions of one person shouldn’t be depicted on the entire fandom 🤷‍♀️. I don’t really know where I’m going w this tbh. I obviously agree that people shouldn’t be getting hate for liking wtfock, but in certain ways there’s also truth in the reputation that the fandom has even though it’s a reputation that was gained by the actions of only a few people in the fandom, which is unfair to the others that do know how to act like normal human beings, especially when it comes to members of the lgbt community that relate a lot to sander and robbe and their experiences.

[polyamorous-mysme]

What's your opinion on Jimin and V? They both infuriate me because of the way they handled things in the routes. I think Jimin gets a little bit better at the end of his route, but V doesn't seem too. He doesn't tell Saeyoung about his brother, just shows up one day Saeran in tow and is just like 'I'm back'. Even if Saeran didn't want to go back yet, he could at least told Saeyoung what was going on.

tbh most of my opinions on every mm character is that you just have to completely disregard how Normal ppl would act given that the plots of mm are so wild and unbelievable. on the other had though i get why people have qualms w certain characters for how they handle the plot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ eso si que es

But. as far as jumins route goes i think they just fucking did him dirty w it. with the second bad end/chats leading to it especially. I know it sounds weird to say given that it's his route but those few days are so fucking OOC for jumin. i mean I'll find my own ways to rationalize it bc it Can be rationalized if you care to, but not everyone will. because its fucking weird. not even the end itself but jumin leading up to it.

that being said i LIKE jumin and i like his route save for that. jumins hidden or has Had to hide his emotions and opinions his whole life. his father frequently brings new women in and out of his life, one of the only two people hes ever been able to trust has just committed suicide and he feels like he doesnt even Know either of them anymore, and then MC comes along getting him to open up making him Trust them again and hes worried something similar is going to happen. yeah yeah cat ran away whatever but to ignore what its ACTUALLY about is impossible. rika was one one of the only people and the only Woman he really trusted wholeheartedly as an equal and shes dead the cat she gave him is missing and being overprotective of MC is his one way of gaining control again. if I couldn't rationalize that though it absolutely would have skeeved me out from the get-go, though. so im not surprised Or affronted by the fact that ppl find it irredeemable ig.

now V. V is an even weirder story. he clings to rika from the moment they first met because dont ask me why. i dont know why. is she supposed to remind him of his mother? weird. is he genuinely just that nice of a person? probably. and rika is fucked. rika is traumatized and has been since young childhood. she suffers from what someone who doesnt experience delusions thinks delusions are or how they feel. whatever. and V loves her So Much that if she wont GET help he wont force her so hes going to do whatever He can to help her. until it goes really fucking wrong.

and let's all just be honest and say everything about seven and saeran and especially their backstory doesnt make sense. it ABSOLUTELY hinges on suspension of disbelief. but there are some aspects that do make sense. the stronger older brother in an abusive household is trying to keep himself And his sickly younger brother safe and sane. stumbles across v and rika and we already know mm doesnt Quite take place in our world as we know it and i know fuck all about typical korean life and families so I couldnt tell you why they didnt report their home life to the authorities from the get go. also this whole thing doesnt fucking make sense bc seven and saeran look like MAYBE 10 at this point and V is only 5 years older than them max but him and rika have obviously been together for a while and are Adults here. doesnt track. timeline dont make sense. angway.

but the way I see it is rika had Already started to plot mint eye yadda yadda here and knew that if the boys were separated she could control seven publicly as the stronger twin in a way that makes it seem like they're helping and protecting them both, they just have to be separated. seven can roll w the loneliness and grief of having to leave his brother behind as long as it means hes safe. and w saeran, she can use that same grief and loneliness to manipulate him a different way. behind the scenes. create her perfect believer who will do Anything she says because she saved him, why shouldnt she save everyone else? and j think by the time V realized just how bad rikas mental state was it was too late to Fix it. but he loved her he loved the RFA and the RFA loved rika. he didnt want to taint or tarnish her image w the reality of who she is what shes been doing etc.

after that it's a series of unfortunate events and fucking stupid decisions v thinks hes making for the good and sanity of everyone else. hes given himself a "I'm not a hero i just Have to bear all this by myself forever and fix it alone with no help and save Everyone in the end" complex that sure is with great intentions but leads down a rabbit hole of hurt and fuckery that he cant fix. ever. and I think he was worried about telling seven about saeran because if he had he KNOWS seven would have gone after him alone. and he would have been hurt or killed or worse. he would have been. and V was still trying to save whoever he could. save rika and Hope he could save saeran? save saeran and Hope he could save rika? who knows. I dont. I think V had the BEST intentions. i do. i think he was just a bit of a Rudely untrusting dumbass carrying them out.

but that's what mm is. MC is the character that is meant to push the characters into healing from their fatal flaw. yoosung is slipping from success because up to that point hes hinged his entire future on his older cousin. zen. i dont remember. has to find a happy balance between shooting for the stars but not hiding himself or who he is while doing it? something gay like that. jaehee pushes herself too hard to be successful. to not be a burden. to be financially and socially stable and safe above her own happiness. jumin is cold and untrusting and hides himself because the last time he wasnt/didnt, he got Hurt. seven is the same gay shit as jumin and zen with the added bonus of needing to learn that mc can make their own decisions wrt danger. v needs to stop carrying the world on his shoulders. saeran . . . needs to heal. learn that his life is not intrinsically tied to the lives of others and he can still love people but be his Own person, whole and healed. whether or not you the individual player believe that by the end of the route theyve gotten their first real step in the right direction is up to you.

anyway stream room 206 ep by elah hale on spotify.

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[tysabrewing-s]

Thoughts on Lena?

Wow anon u rlly just asked my number one actual fave™ as always prepare for one big post hhvhvhjvn 

Like ive always liked edgy teen characters I think they have a nice charm to them and I like the conflict they cause for other characters ( best example for this is besides Lena is needletail from warriors tbh!! Theyre rlly similar in cool ways) 

Lenas like different for me tho she isnt just some dumbass teen messing shit up and everybody be like "broooo stop being so immature :\\" I mean she is that but she means more to me as a character again abt to get super personal ( what can i say my favs are my favs cuz I relate to them personally or wish I was like them lmao) but I relate to her like a lot haha I dont have anybody in my life like magica is to her in all but I can relate in a very toned down way of how controlling she is and how she doesnt get a bit of space ik that isnt the main aspect of it but god I still felt that u know I also relate how magicas keeps being like "u cant have friends lmao its only to get scrooges dime stop getting attached" again not exactly the same but a certain person in my life is always telling me friendships are dumb they never last blah blah blah shouldnt bother to pursue any for this reason and its just annoying okay anyways tho enough abt me im srry this is so long its basically me just venting :') 

One of the best things abt her tho?? How she sasses pack at magica and isnt shown to be in the wrong pretty sure everybody and their mom has talked abt this but like srsly not all victims of abuse are super nice wouldnt hurt anybody type of person hell most arent its just such a breath of fresh air for once to see a character go thru this shit especially one of those edgy™ characters ( srry to describe her as edgy like 5 times but idk other ways my vocabulary sucks fhchcjvhv) and isnt shown as just being rebellious or whatever magicas literally treating her like dried up cat piss and audience KNOWS this we literally cant deny it and when beakley apologized to her for being rude I wanted to explode from happiness??? Ive never seen a show do that have an adult admit they were wrong okay I dont watch a bunch of cartoons but even when i think abt other stuff i like like books movies games etc ive still NEVER seen this 

Basically lena is an absolutely AMAZING representation of abuse victims is what im trying to get at ( btw if im in any way wrong abt this pls someone dm me!! Ive never been abused so I get I can never get it like know how that experience feels if im wrong pls educate me on this!!) 

Also I adore her dynamic w webby like my short answer is im a big old softy for nice bubbly girl\emo gal trope and I eat it up like somebody who found a bit of water in a desert 😔👊 

But like its also rlly heccing epic cuz most likely before her nobody ever treated her as like a person so just an extra cherry on top with it 

I see their dynamic as like finding comfort in each other and helping each other with it and idk its very endearing and sweet to me to think abt 

And on top of this?? Shes still a dumb as FUCK teenager!! Like beagle day massacre is basically just her taking a 12 yearold to crash a party lmao and forget the eps name but when her huey and webby just went underground for whatever reason?? Absolute horrible inlfuence and im all for it babey 

Anyways even tho ive written a book by now heres some headcannons djvjvjvjb

She likes an ironic shitposter basically just think of those cant see the haters thru my tears or is crying until 4 am badass stuff haha 

Cusses like theres no tomorrow 

When she gets older ( if she like ever ages that is lol) her and louie get rlly close like their buds and do dumb stuff like stealing a police car 

I hc her as a non binary lesbian!! She goes by she\they but mostly she 

She makes a tik tok ironically but then it actually got popular 

She used to steal a lot while living on the streets so shes rlly particular on what she spends her money on and she rarely shares anything 

Everyday she needs at least a while to herself to listen to some music and stuff like that she hates being around ppl all the time 

Idk if this even counts as a headcannon cuz ik everybody agrees with but shes touch starved af she rlly only accepts hugs and stuff from webby tho 

She actually doesn't think violets is a knock off of her or anything like that shes just a jealous bitch haha like shes actually rlly impressed that shes good at controlling magic 

She wouldnt tell anybody this but she actually kinda likes how she looks she isnt super confident abt it but she doesnt think shes ugly and is like "huh u know what my dyed hair is kinda dope" 

Shes like totally in love with lemon demon 

Alrighty pretty much done with this post!! Srry if im rude or its to long I just can never shut up abt my fav characters once u ask me yknow jghfjfghj

[vriskadyke]

excerpt: gods of earth c

when i started writing 'someone will remember us (even in another time)', i knew i had to limit myself to certain characters. some of them aren't heroic, and therefore wouldnt be seen as gods; some are just irrelevant. i eventually settled on having the alpha kids, the beta kids, calliope, and the surviving trolls (vriska, terezi, kanaya, karkat, aradia, sollux) be the gods. i did, however, write short bios for other characters (such as the dancestors)! here's a list of some of the god names i came up with for them. 

tw for mentions of canon sexual assault, the use of the c slur, misogyny, ableism, and generally stuff i dont agree with. part of the point of this series is just how badly earth c misinterprets everything bc for Me earth c is like. This world but also we have trolls and carapacians and consorts and some people can do magic and religion is different. but homophobia/transphobia & misogyny & ableism etc still exist.

tavros: page of breath, the eternal child, peter pan, keeper of the little ones, animal whisperer, the cr*ppled god (derogatory, ill fight them), the boy blessed with flight, he-who-will-soar-above, the cowardly bull (modern, can be derogatory).

nepeta: rogue of heart, the longing one, the clawed goddess, the watching lover, catnip, she-who-loves-but-has-sharp-teeth, huntress of hearts, the woman of the pairings, cat lady (modern, can be derogatory)

equius: the heir of void, the archer, the horseman, he-who-has-everything, the maker of hearts, the broken tooth, the cavalryman, the builder, the obedient servant, the sweaty one (modern)

gamzee: the bard of rage, the clown, the raging beast, the butcher, he-who-cannot-die, the unkillable, the painted man, son of salt, the fucking juggalo (modern, derogatory)

eridan: the prince of hope, the betrayer, he-who-is-the-killer-of-angels, the admiral, the white villain, the scientific alchemist, the turncoat, the jealous one, incel (modern, derogatory, and also true). 

feferi: the witch of life, the uncrowned princess, she-who-is-the-last-of-empresses, mother sea, bitch of life (derogatory, relatively modern, and also fight me), heiress of the deeps, carer for the horrorterrors, queen of dreams

damara: the witch of time, slave of the white doctor, the scorned girl, daughter of green, the handmaid/en, the betraying bitch (modern, derogatory, shut the fuck up) she-who-was-broken-by-time (much of my interpretation of damara comes from the fic "all the corpses stare back")

rufioh: the rogue of breath, the breath-stealer, the handsome one, he-of-revolutions-and-wings, the cheating bastard (modern, derogatory, also its true), the communer, the summoner, he-who-laughs-flying

mituna: the heir of doom, the broken son, he-who-was-bright-and-then-dimmed, the psiioniic, the helmsman, the retard (modern, derogatory, also everyone who says this gets killed by sollux, and also me), the honeyboy, 

kankri: the seer of blood, the man without signs, the preacher, the speaker, the blood dreamer, he-who-was-born-again, son of scarlet, the sjw (everyone who calls him this does it for the wrong reasons, modern)

meulin: the mage of heart, the disciple, the lioness, she-who-heard-and-was-deafened, the deaf listener, recorder of truths and teachings, apostle of the bloodseer, that deaf one (people dont consider this derogatory, but 1) it is and 2) its dismissive as hell and rude, modern)

porrim: the maid of space, the dolorosa, the maiden mother, she-who-nurtures, daughter of darkness and light, the lady jade, the cavern dweller, the unsilenced woman, the raging feminist (derogatory but absolutely something she’d be like “yes, and?” about)

latula: the knight of mind, the neophyte, redglare, she-who-swings-from-nooses, the betrayed lawyer, dragonwoman, the quiet lover, she-who-was-burdened-with-a-broken man (NO she wasnt earth c, her relationship w/ mituna is a happy one and the fact that hes disabled doesnt make him a burden), the lovesick idiot (modern, derogatory- YES shes in love with mituna, NO that doesnt make her an idiot)

aranea: the sylph of light, the pirate marquise, the mind & the fang, the betrayer, the twice killed, the captain, she-who-escaped-the-noose, the rapist (derogatory, reference to her sexual harassment of jake and her sexually assaulting the dolorosa as mindfang)

horuss: the page of void, the executor, darkleer, sparer-of-the-disciple, the mistress, he-who-let-loose-that-final-arrow, homewrecker (derogatory, modern- not exactly true. rufioh did cheat on damara with him, and he knew that rufioh was dating damara at the time, but horuss didnt set out to seduce rufioh)

kurloz: the prince of rage, the highblood, the grand clown, the god with the threaded mouth, the laughing king, he-who-no-longer-speaks, son of the paint & blood, breaker of the disciple (i wouldnt call this derogatory as much as ‘blaming’- it refers to kurloz making meulin deaf and also ghb torturing the disciple by forcing her to see the sufferer’s torture)

cronus: the bard of hope, the orphaner, dualscar, the breaker of spades, the smirking son, he who makes much music, the hipster douchebag (modern, derogatory, and absolutely correct)

meenah: the thief of life, the imperial princess, the rebel daughter, she-who-killed-friends-to-save-them, commander of the dreaming dead, the sleeping queen, daughter of gold & tyrian, the bitchy tyrant (modern, derogatory)

caliborn: the lord of time, lord english, the skeleton king, he-who-eats-the-world, the breaker of clocks, the enemy

the condesce: the condesce, the condescension, the evil trollqueen, she-who-searches-forever-for-a-throne, the mother of the sea, queen of darkness and derse

thats pretty much it for the Big Titles. theyve also got names for other, smaller characters:

davepeta is the wandering knight of change. (dave is a knight, and nepeta was a rogue: therefore a ‘rogue knight’, a wandering knight. the time aspect is about, well, time, and the heart aspect is about the understanding of self; as time goes on, one’s understanding of oneself changes and grows, therefore their aspect is change- so the wandering knight of change.)

arquius is the royal of secrets. (i hc hal as being a prince of mind, and equius is an heir of void. both heirs and princes have an element of royalty to them (even if heir isnt strictly royal). mind is about ideas and knowledge, and void is about hidden things and nothingness- so hidden ideas & knowledge is secrets. thus, a royal of secrets.)

jasprose is the lioness of the sun (she doesnt have much of a class; jasprose doesnt act like much of a seer tbh, but she definitely has a light aspect. she doesnt fit within many classes, and her ‘catness’ is something she emphasizes and is very comfortable with. she’s very strong and powerful as seen in the collide fight, and she has the light aspect and is connected thru jasper to the land of light and rain; thus, a lioness (big cat) of the sun.)

nanna is the nurturer of creation (she fits well as a maid of life, but that’s jane’s title, and we cant give her that, so nurturer because nanna is very nurturing- helping john throughout the game, raising dadbert (most well-adjusted character of all time)- and because creation is a synonym of life)

[we-will-all-be-stories]

weli have like three followers and like i dont actually expect anyone to see this i just want to rant and since i dont really have many friends i dont realy know who to tell. 

my mothers really pissing me off for reasons that honestly i shouldnt have to be dealing with. 

a few weeks ago my parents finally took me to a real psychiatrist, after 2 years of therapy and month in a mental hospital. it was set to be a three hour appointment for an official evaluation and diagnosis of my anxiety and depression and whatever the fuck else is wrong with me (which i dont understand since ive already been diagnosed by two prior therapists, the ER psych ward psychiatrist, and my psychiatrist at the mental hospital i was at, i dont see the need for anouther diagnosis of the same issues). okay, cool, whatever, obviously i’m panicking, not from the actual topic but just talking to someone in general (also my parents never leave the room b/c they think that i’ll just sit there and go non verbal, or as they believe, choose not to talk despite the fact that i have s.a.d. and was selectively mute growing up - i have non verbal episodes, it happens). well, essentially, i actually have no clue what happened in the room b/c after five minutes, the psychiatrist decided that i wasnt useful and i was too anxious to be productive and was sent out of the room. i sat in the waiting room for two hours continuosly calling and texting my mom to let me back on the room while i had a panic attack in the waiting room and slowly fell into a sensory overload from all the noises because the office is in a child pediatrics building and children are fucking loud. after two hours i’m left back into the room where the doctor tells me my diagnosis, my parents pay, and we leave.

i wasnt even present for my own evaluation. i get that he’s trained, but my parents no shit about how i feel, theres no way they can tell him. and furthermore, yeah, i’m anxious, but thats not the only thing i live with, yet its the only thing anyone will offer me help for. 

im used to being sent out of rooms. people dont have enough pacience and ust assume i can control this. i was sent out of the room during my 504 accomadation meeting at school too, you know, the “you’re child tried to kill themself, heres an extra day for classwork hope it helps” meeting. 

but heres the problem now. i have sensory issues to the point that putting on a pair of socks sends me into a panic b.c of the seams - a “bad touch” makes me break down crying - a flickering light burns my eyes - someone coughing feels like someone sceaming in my ear drums. and no matter what i tell my parentsm they dont understand how bad it is. 

apparently they mentioned it to the doctor, whose response was to get me an asd evaluation. okay, sure. its not like my old therapist hadnt been telling my mom to get my evaluated for asd and sesory proccessing dosorder, its not like my father works with psychiatrists who work with autistic kids everyday who has been telling my dad to get me evaluated. 

so finally my mom emailed my school counsler about the evaluation. she said that the school doesnt have the resources to do so. 

okay

i went to my moms office to print out my essay, and she had her email open to my section. (she organizes her email by topic, she has a group of emails under my name). im a bitch and decided to look at the emails. she emailed my school saying that she is “sure i dont have autsim” but that my doctor is making her ask about an evauation. 

the school wrote back saying that refuse to test me because that would require an iep rather than just a 504. the school psychiatrist essentially refuses to test students “simply for a diagnosis” and that my education and grades must be severely impacted by my issues. listen, no one gets a psych evaluation simply for a diagnosis. you literally cannot get the help you need w/out a diagnosis. mental health affects you in all aspects of your life, not just school. so many students cannot go to therapists or psychiatrists and rely on school resources. furthermore, my education is impacted by my issues - how can i get work done when the loud classroom make me want to scream? but the school and my parents dont know this, yet refuse to let me advocate for myself. 

no one wants to have a certain diagnosis, you need it to get help. my psychiatrist has said he is 99% i have asd, however he cannot give me a diagnosis, and my school refuses to test me because i’m “too good a student” and i’m slowly dying. 

also im not a good student. i have an e in math, a d in government, i failed engineering bc the class was so god damn loud and anxiety creating. my education is impaacted.

when it comes down to it, to be honest, so much of this has to do with the stigma regarding mental health in general, and especially regarding autism. people are so scared to have an autsitic kid - i’m 15 years old, if you can love me w/out the diagnosis, you can love me with it. i’m the same kid. My mother grew up with an autistic brother yet she still wouldnt want an autistic child. schools assume that an autistic student cant be functioning without special classes and a helper and a bunch of accomadations - some people need that, others don’t. it doesnt matter b/c everyone is entitled to the resources neccessary to thrive, and everyine should be treated fairly. 

im a kid who grew up non verbal, ive had social skills drilled into my head by therapists bc i apparently “didnt have them”. up until this year i had good grades, i flew under the radar and suffered, and when i finally reach out for help, everyone is refusing it because they think i’ve already gotten enough.