#dont hate this one though so to the void it goes

[atamaris-art]

throws isafrin cuddles at you

[katieraven]

alriiight so remember how one and a half years ago i said id do a series on skz as romantic tropes, inspired by @jinniebit's post? surprise, i am actually still working on it! i have not forgotten! i just am very slow.

but since ive been working on the enemies to lovers!minho fic over the last couple of days and i actually like where it is going, i figured id prove that i didnt vanish into the void give you a sneak peak.

i wont give you context because i dont want to spoil the rest of the story but i think it works without context anyways.

so here you go.

“I’m just saying, he has a car, he literally offered to take us, why the hell would you not take that offer?”

Jisung and you are arguing in the kitchen. Chan and Changbin are throwing a party at their place and both you two and Minho are invited. It already bugs you to have to spend the evening around him, but Minho offered to drive and while you realise that that is just way too convenient to not take up, it is also going against every ounce of your being to accept that. 

“I’ll walk, it’s fine,” you shrug and return your attention to the dishes you’re currently scrubbing, maybe a bit more vigorously than necessary. 

“Walk? To the other side of town?!”

You have to give it to him; the place is kind of far away. 

“Fine, I’ll take the bus.”

You know he won’t take that as an answer, he knows that you hate public transport. And sure enough, you’re staring at a plate, when Jisung’s face slowly pushes into your field of vision.

“Public transport. You.”

You shrug, “sure. Can’t be that bad, huh?”

“Look at me.”

You roll your eyes, but Jisung is nothing if not stubborn, so you turn to the left where he is still staring at you. 

“You are being unreasonable. We both know you can’t walk there, and you hate buses, so why on earth would you not take the offer of someone driving?”

You hold his stare. You can be just as stubborn as he is, and it already annoys you that Minho will be there at all – you’re not going to drive there with him as well. 

“I just don’t like him, that’s all.”

He rolls his eyes.

“I’m not asking you to marry him, am I? You can even sit in the back, and you don’t have to say a single word.”

“I hate sitting in the back, though. And I don’t like when other people drive,” you add a bit quieter, and return to your dishes. It’s not even a lie.

Jisung sighs and pats you on the shoulder.

“So that’s it. You don’t feel safe in other people’s cars, yeah?”

That’s only one part of the problem, but it sounds reasonable enough to just go with this version, so you nod. 

“That’s alright, I don’t know a safer driver than Minho. Seriously,” he adds when he realises that you’re not convinced, “I don’t feel great with a lot of drivers either, but he really pays attention and doesn’t speed and all that. And I’m with you, I can make a fuss about him having to be really careful if you don’t want to say anything.”

He playfully nudges you, and it does make you smile a bit. You suddenly feel bad that you’re being so difficult. Sure, you don’t like Minho, but Jisung does for some reason and you’re being a pain about it. So, you give in. It can’t be that bad.

*** 

And to your surprise, it really isn’t that bad at all. Jisung nudges you toward the passenger seat and goes to sit in the back, and you try and be a decent person and greet Minho when you climb onto the seat. He watches you get in with his attentive eyes – you keep wondering what they remind you of – and nods in return, a small greeting back. 

Jisung starts talking as soon as he closes the door, and you know it is to not make you feel uneasy next to Minho. You appreciate it, but it makes you feel even worse about your behaviour earlier. When Minho starts the car, you clench your fists in anticipation, focusing on the dull pressure of your nail into the skin of your palms, to not focus on the feeling in your stomach. You feel Minho’s eyes on you when you stop at a traffic light, and you’re not sure if you’re imagining it, but the car starts more smoothly when the light goes green.

Somewhere along the drive, you unclench your fingers and run them over the crescents your nails left behind. Jisung was right, you muse, Minho does drive safer than anyone you’ve ever driven with. He eyes you at stop signs and traffic lights, and just before you go around the last corner into the street Chan and Changbin live in, you realise what his eyes feel like. There is a feline attentiveness to them, calmly and quietly observing the people around him. Somehow, it makes you feel even worse about the fuss you made. What it must have looked like from the outside when you refused to shake his hand. You feel like a fool. 

The door to the passenger side opens and shakes you out of your thoughts. You look up, and sure enough, Minho is holding the door, one hand extended – just like he did in the kitchen. Your eyes jump back and forth between his hand and his face. There is something in his eyes, something very well concealed – and when it changes to a satisfied sparkle as you grab his hand, you realise it was insecurity.

***

tag list: @rachalixie (i did promise), @chvnnie (no idea if you are still interested but im not gonna leave you out), @jinniebit (because youre the reason this series exists at all honestly) and @lurkmethist (did u see what i did here amethyst i think im hilarious hehe - but i promised id tag u still) ALSO @an0ther-us3r (bc u liked the other snippet so much maybe u wanna read this too?)

[dethronedroses]

ok i actually can't sleep if i dont rant into the void about this so here's my thoughts: to all the people (mainly on tiktok) who complained and bitched and moaned about the changing of the deadline and the fact that they "failed" the quest-- how does it feel to be WRONG. (/j)

percy and luke have always been each others foils, always. additionally, we know that this adaptation has explored percy's love for his mom the one who raised him, over the gods- he literally says "i'm sally jackson's son" to two immortal beings, because the gods have never been there for him.

luke takes advantage of that. he tells percy the truth, because it is true, the gods don't care about them, and sees so much potential in him. he never wanted to be percy's enemy, and he likely would have succeeded in recruiting percy had percy not "failed" his quest!!

if luke had asked the percy who had never seen his father even show so much as a sign that he cared to join him right at the beginning, i wholeheartedly believe percy would've joined him. at the beginning of the story, percy hates the gods because they've never done anything for him, so why should he do anything for them?

but then, he goes on this quest, and he gets to experience the ways his father does care about him, however distant they are. poseidon saves him, tells him to go to santa monica, and even though at that point they had already "failed", he still gets help!!!

if they hadn't missed the deadline and indirectly caused an entire WAR, the gravity of poseidon stepping in to save percy again would mean nothing!! poseidon, notorious, jealous brother, immediately surrenders and begs zeus not to hurt his son. he claims percy, and makes sure zeus knows that his pride, his glory means nothing in comparison to caring for his son.

and THAT is why it they changed the deadline. if percy hadn't seen his father surrender an entire war just to protect him, he likely would've gone with luke, or at the very least, be swayed. but he saw Poseidon end a war to ensure his safety- so of course he's gonna see that they're trying their best. he saw it in hermes, too- the gods trying to make amends and right their wrongs.

i truly do think this change really drives the narrative forward, both the overarching plot AND percy and luke as foils, especially given how they have explored this adaptation. so yeah, this change was good

[sunwarmed-ash]

Fic tag game!

tagged by my buddies @cuillere and @lizzy0305! thank you for this!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

93 😎

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

831,467 (holy fucking shit when did it get that long?!?!?! #ThatsWhatSheSaid

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things, Detroit become human, the breakfast club, marvel/spiderverses, Ted lasso, House MD, Harry Potter

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tony Stark: Billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, Daddy: (starker) 1074

I think I need help: (harringrove) 927

Call me Doctor: (Chase/House & Chase/House/Wilson 739

Rockabye Baby: (Wincest kinda??) 670

You know what they say about assuming. (steddiegrove) 645

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Every. Single. One. Comments are the lifeblood to my work. Its so intimidating to be posting to a empty void but y'alls comments give life to the achieve and are just as important to a WIPs development as anything I write on my own!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Idk, I have ALOT of wips without endings/one shots. Probs the most angsty one I have in general is either The New Kid or Silence isn't Golden

wait wait wait, I found a dual suicide Wincest fic, that wins

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhhh this Thor/Bruce fic may be the fluffiest one I have haha

8. Do you get hate on fics?

HA! yeah, but oddly its just the ones with sex work in them. Who would have guessed 🙄🙄🙄🙄

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes 😈😈😈 kink wise all over the place, from super vanilla to BDSM and anything else I can think of. Peoplewise LGBTQ and queer characters, canon or fanon, polycules. Trope wise, enemies to lovers is my fav, but I also love pining or tragic love 👌

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Yes!! not too many, but I've written a few. This one isn't crazy but it is the most developed of all the wips. It's a Supernatural/The Breakfast Club crossover called Supernatural activity at shermer high

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

a few times by a bot, im really really hoping it doesn't happen again but with AI about to fuck us all out of work, im a lil worried.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! two of my Starker fics were translated into Russian and on fic book but that website got torched a few years ago :( I think I also had a reader translate a TBC fic into Portuguese

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Many! probably 20-30 at this point

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

not possible for me to choose. So here's my favs of the moment. Hankconvin800 or hankvin1700, steddiegrove, parksborn, steadyhands

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

get a few scotches in him and he'll hit on anything in a 5 mile radius.

its a cowritten work I worked on years ago and just, meh idk I dont really wanna go back to it haha

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've gotten compliments on my dialogue, dynamic character relationships, smut, and angst

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

proof reading and editing

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i never trust google translate to do a good enough job so to avoid looking like a fool i dont do it. I should try though, expand my horizons. I'm learning Danish so maybe ill make a fic using that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

all of them hold significant places in my heart. they are all pieces of me and I'm trying to learn to love all of me. And that's gotta start somewhere!

tagging all my mututals and anyone who wants to do it

@sweeteatercat @disdaidal @sweetasblack @writerwhowritesao3 @geekinglikeaboss @destroya-hargrove @kissoflightning @moviemuncherao3 @cuillere @late-to-the-party-81 @spaceofentropy @strangebrainrot @treeffles @heiko-goes-detroit

[grellestie]

oops just reaper headcanons!

random hcs i had while at work;

-> grelle’s natural hair is curly but she just dislikes it (time period mentality) and she usually just straightens it because she gets self conscious about it.

-> william knows grelle tends to lie about various things to new recruits and there has been times where he’s had to hide his enjoyment of her humor for the sake of making sure he keeps his reputation as well as making sure grelle doesn’t get anything to brag about.

--> these lies include; 

“My poor little doves, don’t you know how much you’ve missed out on, have you? THE Cleopatra was Head of Communications for years! She was so inspirational~”

“If you lose your glasses, you’ll have to spend several extra years as a reaper, darling. Oh? How long you say? Depends...” 

“If you find a certain Cinematic Record, rumor has it that you will disappear very soon after unless you give it to someone else! Watch out, darlings!~”  

-> grelle only listens to death metal at work, at home though? she listens to the most girly and trashy music you have ever heard. it’s a comfort to her! 

--> the bands i headcanon grelle listening to the most would be jack off jill, the beatles, and probably otep. 

-> ronald only drank about several White Russian cocktails before swearing off of it. when he had that horrid experience, he could have swore that he was going to die a second time with how fast his heart was beating. and he called grelle which was an awful idea. it was 3am and she was barely awake when a grossly sobbing ronald clung to her and was so afraid of dying... it was a very... VERY long night. she has not have let him live it down since and still teases him to this day about it. he is extremely embarrassed about it and rarely talks about it.   

-> grelle is the type that just interjects herself into conversations and inserts her own opinion before just leaving. 

-> makeup... god she is very picky about makeup. she only goes for the same brand, only eyeshadow palletes with red, and red lipstick. sometimes she goes out of her comfort zone with lipstick but it’s extremely rare. 

shinigami realm + human world hcs under da cut since i dont shut up...  

-> the shinigami realm is just like our world except it’s completely void of color except for the council’s quarters and courtroom. the technology is horribly advanced and everyday is pretty much a black mirror episode.

--> taker’s betrayal really made it worse. there’s a lot of surveillance like with insects all being fake and only used to spy on other reapers to stop a potential repeat.

---> grelle hates it. first of all... bugs? watching her every move?! EWWW! she usually smashes them without second thought. second of all... it’s none of their business what a lady does in her private time! they should keep their eyes to themselves! and that thought process might get her into some trouble but since when has grelle been afraid of causing a bit of trouble?  

---> william feels... the same as grelle and he’d never admit it to her face in order to not spark a rebellious flame in her. not to mention, he doesn’t go to the extent she does. he finds them as an extreme breach of privacy for such a small thing. grelle came back just fine after she had her rebellious phase and the undertaker case was something that had been brewing for as long as he was a reaper.

---> ronald tends to agree with his mentor a lot and this is a big one he agrees on. he prefers human pubs over reaper pubs...

---> other reapers are either extremely uncomfortable and put off by it while others don’t mind it and are willing to let them spy on! they don’t want any more traitors.    

-> a happier headcanon! there’s a club in the human world and you can’t get in unless you tell the guard at the door what your registration number is. it’s called RR&Q Cafe. it stands for Retired Reaper & Quitters but reapers still in service can definitely go

--> grelle has always gone there since she was still studying in the academy. she took a small detour on a school trip and only had heard rumors about it, imagine her shock to find out that it actually a place! a lot of the “quitters” were everywhere under the queer umbrella which is where grelle really had her source of euphoria for a bit before she became more and more feminine. she’s taken ronald a couple of times and he’s... slowly figuring it out.    

[ninjamelissajulien]

i want to get this off my chest

ive never felt connected to gender to be honest. i have the body of a woman, and sometimes i like it, but other times i wish i was just... vague. like, i dont see myself as a man, but i don’t quite feel connected to the set definition of a woman. ive always felt that inside im kind of a void, never truly a woman on the inside. ive always hated my name. yes, the one in my username. ive hated it for so many years. i refuse to change my url because im a stubborn bitgh. but, ive yearned for androgyny. I want to be androgynous. i want short hair. I want to be known as Hunter. i like that name. i like it when im called that irl. 

but my parents. i can never tell them.

they already struggle with me identifying as ace lesbian. even though its been 7 years since i came out, i know they still doubt me. i want to tell them so badly. i want them to know that im genderqueer. or nonbinary. something. i dont know. they already dont understand the “they” as a singular pronoun and they’re not too keen on adapting. i dont think i can ever truly tell them. but god do i want to. i want to experiment. i want to know who i am. i want to tell them that i lean towards tarot and wiccan ideology, rather than the catholic ideals i was raised with, yet they cant accept the fact that i never have and never will be catholic. 

yet, im also scared im never going to find love. 

ive never felt a romantic connection to anyone. the few times ive gotten close, nothing was ever reciprocated. im 25 and still havent had my first kiss for christ’s sake. i want to know what a real kiss feels like. i want to have someone i can hold hands with, to shower with gifts and tiktoks that make me think of them, to listen to them discuss what theyre passionate about. i want someone to hold at night. i want someone i can cook for. i want to walk around and say “look at my beautiful, handsome partner”. im so scared of dating apps, or going to bars. ive tried asking people out. it never goes anywhere. somedays, i think im too ugly to ever be loved. who would ever want anyone like me. im a nobody. im always going to be replaceable. ill be forgotten anyways. i always am. ive had so many failed friendships, ive tried to hold on but they always drift away. somedays i wonder why i bother. with anything. 

my name is hunter. im 25 years old, im genderqueer/nonbinary, i am she/they. im lonely, im scared, im forgettable, im replaceable. thats all ill ever be

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #6: a5a2 part 2

this shit is so trippy and weird and honestly scary im actually scared. the context for the first image is that jade is entering a dream bubble for the first time since her dream self is dead. the second image is daves dreamself looking into the void and seeing like the horrorterrors. and then jade sees them too somehow in the dream bubble.... its honestly horrifying and has me quite perturbed.

it seems like she is also perturbed. and PISSED AWF

IM INCLINED TO AGREE WITH HIM. SUDDENLY HE SEEMS SENSIBLE AND NORMAL I WOULD SAY. I WOULD CALL HIM THESE THINGS.

this is so funny i thought this was just a jade karkat and future karkat interaction but then fucking dave just Appears out of nowhere . so cool

LOOK AT MY SON (do not look at his computer. we wont talk about it) HE IS SO REAL

okay so theres been tons happening but im pretty sure i never got an explanation as to why daves bro is just randomly on LOWAS (land of wind and shade) . and why jack knew he was there. like what are these freaks doing on my sons planet. should i keep calling him my son. gay daughter or thot son

hate these guys but love sword fights so net neutral (secretly cool)

DAVE SPRITE!!! weird that he also knew to come to lowas. i feel like i may be missing some critical information

they are so cute

this is how i talk to my friends on the internet. except maybe with meows

oh god i think this is where everything goes to shit . with umbral ultimatum as the soundtrack. really good song! anyway. gonna watch this now

this is so bad oh man oh god

well. at least theres this. L mans

stop talking to gray text stupid dumb. i think the fact that i find this funny proves that my brain needs to be studied

wow check out this awesome panel. vriska IS the fire. the irons.... are john? irons in the fire. its the thing she always says. i uh i think i lost the metaphor

YESSS HE DID IT HE DID THE [redacted]

what a fucking crazy amount of wind my son has just summoned. that is so much wind. its covering the whole planet!!!!

i love how matter of fact he is about it. like oh this giant swirling vortex covering my entire planet? oh i did that? oh thats cool.

i never read into this before but damn its crazy that feferi is dead here cause the last time we saw her she was literally fine. what could have happened..... ( i already know)

OH HELLYES . HELL FUCKING YES I LOVE THIS SONG

me to your fucking house

dawwwwww

no need to serve this hard??? but pop off i guess....

not you too....

er okay tavros just tried to make jade his girl friend without even really knowing her and he was being really annoying and kind of an asshole while doing it and then she let him down nicely but then vriska was like bro that was the worst thing i have ever seen and was very VERY mean to him about it (maybe even more than he deserved) and then admitted to being the reason why jack noir is a super powerful evil creature now AND BONUS SHE GOT A VERSION OF DAVE KILLED >:((((

i dont wanna dwell on that though because one of my favorite parts of the comic is coming up right now :3

fun fact: "heir transparent" "doctor" and "planet healer" are all songs of john egbert :D

ANYWAY ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!YESSSSSSSSILOVE GAMING !!!! SBURB

8888)

he did it :)

i think this is a good place to end this one . general thoughts right now? huge. pog. things are happening. plans are being formed. i kind of glossed over them but rose and dave are planning to explode the green sun. john just went god tier. and jade is finally in. on the trolls side of things we finally understand why their session went wrong at the last moment, but it seems like even more has gone wrong since weve seen them last? feferi is dead. tavros wants to kill vriska. what could possibly happen next. tune in next time . i dont know when it will be. probably tomorrow. what with all the waiting i'll be doing.

[whataphantasia]

ok it's nighttime where i am which makes it PERFECT to go on about my

✨post-crystallized ninjago brain ramble and non-critical retrospective✨

because. ninjago do be making my brain go !! and i need to yell abt it to myself to my blog void b4 i go onto dragons rising and stuff. i talked abt this on discord but only 2 ppl following me are in that server so wtv (hi btw X3)

i want to preface this by saying i dont interact with the ninjago fandom at all, and i know near nothing about behind-the-scenes things or stuff said by production. this is all my thoughts babeyy (which means im going to sound absolutely clueless and talk abt things that hav probably already been resolved. wtv) none of this is supposed to be critical thinking LOL pls dont attack me. i sound complainey but i dont hate the show, this is how i show love for media <3

really the most pressing thing to me was. being really frustrated about garmadon’s whole arc at the end of tournament of elements. yknow when misako finds out about the letter. i feel like they didn’t really go into depth about RESOLVING that whole thing, like showing the repercussions and thoughts of all parties involved after the fact? how does this affect their family? i suppose misako and lloyd talked about it during day of the departed, kind of? but. my needy ass just goes “IT WASN’T ENOUGH.” really, i don’t really like character death or sacrifice as the resolution to a conflict or arc unless it’s done really well, and. is this supposed to feel unsatisfying?! because it is to me!!

yes. i know it’s a kids show. its super likely something's going over my head right now, but. it really made me think again because misako and garmadon didn’t really even talk after harumi revived his oni side, and especially after all the interactions lloyd and garmadon had during crystallized. seriously, someone rec me fics that explore misako and garmadon talking post tournament of elements please JDKWNFJSND. and really i didn’t hate the resolution of tournament of elements... this is my single major nitpick about it LOL

continuing with that thought, like. lloyd has lost his dad multiple times... this isn’t fair to him!!! give bro a break!!! (silly) (i know its fiction LOL) honestly why doesn’t he have WORSE trust issues after considering his mom and harumi and all the other people who’ve abandoned slash betrayed him?! and yeah misako really is the least terrible offender here, and i’m not blaming her— but ya can’t ignore that it DID affect him. this is why i was really excited for the prospect of a corruption arc for him during crystallized, however brief. he deserves it! let him destroy a few buildings, maybe kill a guy! let him fulfill his rise of the serpentine dreams, but for real this time! again REC ME FICS RAGHH

...though yes. i know he’s developed really far to the point he’d never hurt people like that, and tbh you could say he was never really evil in the first place but. you gotta understand that the corruption arc is one of my FAVORITE tropes. i’ll do anything for em... it’s my fatal flaw...

heck like. this is why i was really excited for the ice emperor because i KNEW that was zane the moment i saw him LMAO. he’s my favorite character how can i not tell. but in the end he just lost his memories and was being manipulated by some other bad guy... same thing goes for possession, lloyd wasn’t the bad guy, it was morro possessing him... its not the same </3 let them be lead astray even WITH their past memories and relationships and feelings... i need the angst... (you can tell im insane because im saying this about a lego show)

anyways point is. i like corruption arcs. and i WILL write fic about the ice emperor gaining more agency no matter how out of character and detached from the original message it is. (even sillier connotation)

okay thats the end of me nitpicking for now, i think. i mean i have a lot of qualms... esp about wu characterization in the new animation studio half, but. thats one thing i know that has been talked abt AT LENGTH. and idk if this is an unpopular opinion but i liked all da seasons for different reasons, they all appeal to my different happy little facets of media i enjoy :) im still fresh off of watching the show again for the first time in forever so this opinion will probably change, who knows.

really im just happy to have gone thru the whole main series! including wu's teas! not including dragons rising tho. ill get around to that after this. and maybe look into more production and behind the scenes stuff, and the games and supplementary content too. i love consuming content 🥰

anyway... uhm. can you tell zane is my favorite. because i said it explicitly some sentences ago. god he is so. ykwhat heres a screenshot bc i dont want to write this all out again

thanks for listening bye :3

ninjago... my favorite piece of inherently kind of problematic but overall very fun and well meaning media (esp in the later seasons compared to the earlier ones)... kisses it

[skiitter]

personal mental health nonsense, dont mind me.

my depression has always manifested as a distinct lack of desire or interest in anything and everything around me. nothing feels fun or exciting or interesting at all. my hobbies are dull and boring. i cannot settle on a single thing to do because none of it sparks joy. it’s been like this for a very long time. and normally, i’ll have like a week or so where this is the case but for the most part, it’s managed. i dont feel this way everyday and thats good enough.

lately, though, it’s been particularly bad. for about a month, possibly a little less, i’ve truly been utterly disconnected from my interests. video games, crochet, tv, reading, all of it. i start and stop 3+ games a day, which seems like a weird metric but is very indicative of my mental state. nothing holds my attention for very long at all. and honestly, it’s starting to seriously fuck me up.

i keep waiting for this to run its course, like it always does. i keep waiting to wake up one morning and be like “Oh, hello sense of passion and interest, I’ve missed you. Welcome back.” only it never happens. i am just a Void rn. and my health insurance is about to run out in the middle of the month and then i’ll have to go about figuring out how to get onto my husband’s so i can’t exactly switch up my meds rn.

i’m 30, i’m very, very aware of my own mental illness/traumas and i am certain that this is abnormal for me. it sucks, like truly sucks. i want to feel fucking joy again but it’s just not happening. nothing has changed to cause it. i don’t drink more or less than i have for the past however long. i get roughly 6 - 8 hours of sleep a night. i take my meds. i drink water. idk. my friendships and relationships feel as solid and supportive as they always do. there is just this persistent emptiness now and i hate it.

at first i thought it was my period, but no. it’s just Not Going Away and for at least the next month or so, i cannot pursue any medical recourse and the prospect of having to suffer through this makes me want to cry. i just want to feel better, i just want to be interested in fucking anything. i’ve been binge watching better call saul and it’s truly just filling time in my day because, otherwise, i have no motivation to do fucking anything at all.

my attention span is nonexistent, and with the loss of it, so goes my interest in virtually anything.

mental illness fucking sucks lmao.

[violentshine]

hollyleaf for the ask game!

I don't have many thoughts about her actually i think she has a good arc though (or at least potenial for one) sexuality headcanon; ace lesbian (only really saying this becuz it's popular i don't have any special headcanons for her)

gender/pronouns headcanon; i want to say she doesn't care about her gender identity (but still goes by she/her) but also...i think she's not the type to want anything with untied ends if that makes sense ? she probably says she's a molly but doesn't feel super strong about it or anything else

rate them out of ten; 5/10

favorite thing about them what her arc could have been ? idk

least favorite thing about them The wasted potential...but on a more personal matter; her devotion to the warrior code Now it Makes a wonderful character trait esp even better if the cats knew just how Bad the code is but idk anyone big on the rules r boring

why i first started liking/disliking them it's been forever since i read oots/po3 but i do know i didn't like her

do i relate/project onto/kin them? Not really

favorite quote/moment killing ashfur <3 my fav ship not too big on an holly ship tbh but she'd be a better partner for cinderheart

my fav platonic friendship i like her interactions with willowshine

a ship i hate HER W/ FALLENLEAVES he's like older than the tree cinderheart fell out of </3 i think it's a tad weird

do i prefer canon or fanon? going to assume this means my fanon and not the entire fandom's interpretation so just consider every answer to this is fanon

random headcanon she looks the most like her kin than her brothers do since she's the only one not a reincarnation. Her lanky body type has been chalked up to coming from Sandstorm and not...you know...

what color do i picture them as solid black, like a void

cat breed headcanon just a kitty

unpopular opinion don't have any i think...i dont think about her enough to come up w/ anything

things i associate with them a to-do list

song i associate with them Buzzkill by MOTHICA take this w/ a grain of salt. It's not a perfect fit i just found it being the only song in my Hollyleaf playlist

favorite MAP/PMV/AMV with them i actually...don't watch maps like...ever so erm void question <3...

[suchsweetsorro]

bored dnd ramblings

im bored and i have a dnd character i really wanna play, but i dont have a group or a game to play in. i really just wanna ramble about her so im gonna let it into the tumblr void

her name is valentina, and was born to the headmistress/noble who runs a school for martial combat/fighting/maybe a military school. her family line goes back centuries as formidable and cunning warriors, though they harbor a secret only shared by the family. a lycanthropic curse is passed down from generation to generation, that each have tried to enhance and tame more and more. she began training at an early age, and she was quite good at it (though this quickly went to her head and began skipping classes and training). she was never really close with the other students at the academy (she didnt need them anyway, of course [/s]). when she was around 13, she transitioned to be a girl, which caused a rift in her family. often, behind closed doors her mother and father would get into fights over whether they should accept this. one day, her father was gone, and her mother refused to answer. but, she was far more happy as a girl than she ever was as a boy. at the academy, she often challenged others to duels, in attempt to gain a little coin, and show off her martial skills (not that she wanted people to like her or befriend her or anything, she just wanted them to admire or fear her, thats all [/s]). in private, her mother taught her to unleash her lycanthropy and to use it, though every time she did, valentine found it frightening and overwhelming (which she refused to admit). she hated the loss of control that came with it, though she persisted to try and please her mother, who always seemed to see something wrong with what she was doing. when she was in her early 20s, some issues with blackmail arose, threatening to announce the family’s secret to the world. so, her mother sent her out to find and stop whoever was threatening their family. 

personality wise, valentina is very chatty and VERY confident. she often overestimates her own abilities, which can sometimes make her look a little foolish (though she *did* threaten to kill you when you saw), she can often be very backhanded with her compliments and isnt super socially aware. my goal with her is for her to better herself, becoming a nicer, more humble, and less critical of those around her (something that came from her upbringing and training). her personality being like this happened over time, when she was younger she was much quieter and introverted. she became more like how she is now through mimicking other people in her life, not liking herself or her passions (she has a secret love for poetry and writing that she hid since from when she was very young her path was set out for her). though she hates to admit it, she cares for other people. a lot. it takes her a while to get attatched to people (and she pulls the “its not like i like you or anything”), but once she does, the bond is very strong. she would defend her friends until the end. she is very obsessed with her appearance, wanting to look perfectly done up all the time, both because that makes her feel happy and confident, but also to hide her insecurities. her long term goal is to find a way to physically transition through magic or other means. 

i wanna flesh her backstory out more, like maybe adding some people friends or people that she pissed off at the academy (or maybe stuff with her sneaking out and fighting in underground rings or something), and i wanna flesh out what the blackmail is. 

i havent written it like this, but ive imagined her in wildemount, with the academy being the aurora watch training facility, and her being a drow (and that would work well with finding a way to transition because of widowgast’s transmogrification sorry sam, nott’s shot).

 i havent decided on race/class yet, but i was initially thinking shifter glory paladin (with the glory part coming from her arrogance/overconfidence, and giving her time to be able to change her oath), but i was also thinking battlemaster. tho with the idea of doing wildemount, playing a drow beast barbarian or lycan bloodhunter could be really fun.....

sorry that was long, i just wanted to ramble about val because i love her so much

[goremet-chef]

i killed my space, this fucking sucks this isnt for me it was a MISTAKE even if its nice it. nothing goes my way ever because i just thrive off of my own misery apparently

it spreads like a plague and its gonna infect everythng and ruin it AGAIN im always ruining it everything they said about me is true

i cant even be content with happiness, no i have to look and find out how to ruin it again. always complained about it in the past but LOOK at yourself fucking look. i do this to me, theres no one else to blame. i dont have any because of ME. its my fault. "ohh im socially anxious" "im autistic i dont know how to talk to people" "i get stigmatized cuz of my bpd" shut upp god shut up

even now, this is ruining it. no matter how much you get, it will never be enough for you. its gonna become so unmanageable, who wants to deal with that? no one, i already know the answer

god i backed myself into a corner man. i cant DO this shit im sick of being reliant, sick of having eyes on me sick of everything

sofucking dramatic but the worst part is like... thats just how i feel. my emotions are heightened, maybe its dramatic to someone else but this is very real pain im experiencing. theres no hyperbole

thats not an excuse though. i dont know how to deal with this. i dont have access to help right now. i refuse to push this onto anyone else

there is no right answer! isolate? void gets bigger, harder to deal with. anytime im open about how i feel it makes me feel so.. guilty. the most vile burning guilt you can imagine. i feel so selfish all the time. i just want to curl up under a rock and stay there for the rest of time, and no one will see me again

i just want to be alone because i think its what i need. but if im miserable when im alone, and miserable when im not, then what is the answer? there is no right answer

theres never an answer to this. just spits poison and rots yr brain, tells you everyones hates you. oh that feeling is creeping up again? you should be ASHAMED. how many times are you gonna make them say it? idiot

at some point i honestly wish it was just another alter terrorizing me, but i have no one to blame but myself. selfish selfish selfish. cant even relinquish control for long, let someone else live here and keep me tucked away because its so STRONG that it hurts them too

what did i do to deserve this?

[coolnessjohnson]

Its probably relatable that as much trauma this particular place i moved to back into the city after all the extreme trauma i had suffered from extreme psychological torture that i guess was the final escalation from being labeled a targeted individual and having my life torn down around me systematically and obvious steps taken to prevent me from any hope of healing or building back up and in the obvious fucked up way it was arranged that i end up moving to the isolated shack in the middle of the fucking woods for a decade and all the even more blatantly obvious attacks so they could torture me more effectively and kill and tear out any thing in me that i valued and render me even unimaginably more empty and hopeless, and all the fucked up evidence and shit and all the identified groups and people and the awards offered periodically for various fucked up things most notably the long term one for getting me to commit suicide. And then these fucks here did even worse. My apathy, hopelessness despite some obvious reasons not to give in to that, my self destructive bent as intense as my burning soul, and having all those i love abandon me if they didnt outright turn unbelievably against me a lot of them. And somehow i dont care that i am damaging myself or how even with this cold lonely loveless paralyzation and impending turmoil i am doing nothing to mitigate because i dont even see the point of trying at all because ive been targeted and tortured and torn apart like this for so god damn long. I want it to get worse. I want to destroy myself. I want a hateful miracle. Even though im the one who will suffer the most. Anything to annihilate all of them; this place. Return the damage done. 10 fold. Because then at least i will be out from under this evil that is worse than hell or endless floating in the void. And it only ever gets worse so why not contribute something beneficial to myself and ultimately impossibly more.

I dont have the will or the want to deal with this any more. And i havent for a ridiculously long time. But as things even are returned to me and i know the sun will rise. The very things returned only serve to weigh me down so much more and trigger a lot of this shit in me that simply adds ever increasing weight and as i blaze even brighter and hotter for it i begin to sink into the endless ocean of sorrow i drift upon.

I get like this and i know how it goes but i also know myself and i am aware of changes that i am unable to adjust for even accept.

The damage done.

[cornfarm]

waves against the rocks

saiki kusuo x reader

word count: 2.0k

synopsis: you show saiki your powers. he’s unbearibly jealous, yet for the first time, he feels seen and understood by another person.

cws: mention of the reader having a bad family

genre: melancholic fluff

reader is gender neutral!

===================================================

notes:

greetings... i promise i’m working on cease and desist part 2 but i keep starting one shots;; I ALSO DECIDED TO CHANGE MY TEXT FORMAT... i yoinked all the capital letters away... it feels a bit more liberating

whenever i make my crazy op self insert oc, i always think about how i can make them a foil/double to the characters i like. for example my gintama s/i is also a traumatized war veteran. i thought like... wouldn’t it be fun to write the reader character as a direct foil AND double to saiki? they have everything he doesn’t, but he has a lot that they dont and it’s like,., mutual jealousy.

i also wanted to write saiki properly empathizing with someone. aiura and toritsuka are so fun because they both have different moral compasses with their powers and how they’d like to use them. however despite the fact theyre all psychics, saiki can’t really empathize with either of them.

i wanted to have saiki be excited about something, and feel truly seen. empathy is a very powerful thing.

i hope the “ability” i chose isn’t too cringe;;;

i can’t help but feel like i write saiki ooc so feedback would be super appreciated!

===================================================

perception. the way people are seen by others, the mental images and sour thoughts rooted in nothing but misconception. the falsafied persona of greatness, beauty, and kindness. perception.

you kept saiki afterschool. tugging at his sleeve, you quietly asked “i need to show you something, stay here for a few extra minutes?”. he refused you at first, but you stayed firm, “i need you to stay.” fierce. he decided to stay.

but you stood before saiki, right? were you there? he suddenly felt a bit weary, head pounding at the thought of you. your name, voice, scent, failing to find matches in his library of records. when he thought of you, his brain flickered through the faces and names of everyone else he knew.

you were a gap, a void, a sudden unconjurable memory. it was horrifying. but he quickly accepted it. the body circling behind of him was none of his concern, because there was nobody there. he supposes he should go home now. why was he standing alone in the classroom anyways?

firm hands land on his shoulders, warm, present. he remembers why he’s here.

“it’s not that i’m invisible, it’s just that your brain can’t recognize me, and refuses to acknolwedge me as a thing that exists.”

like a wave crashing against a rocky shore, the void is filled. your voice, your scent, your name, all slotted back into place in his mental library. he recognizes the hands on your shoulders as yours. 

a hand snakes around and pushes up his glasses, covering his eyes.

“it’s not about visibility, it’s perception. you are unable to percieve me as a living thing, or of anything of importance. that’s why you can’t read my thoughts, and that’s why you’re so quick to give up trying to recall me.”

he’s practically trembling- you have one power. it was simple, but it managed to find a loophole around practically all of his.

“that’s terrifying.”

“right?”

you take your hands away and step in front of him. he adjusts his glasses properly.

“were you born with it?”

you nod, “it caused me trouble when i was a kid. i almost got left at an airport,” you chuckle.

“does anyone else know?”

“i’ve tried to tell my parents but they don’t believe me. they called me a liar and delusional, so i decided to stop trying with them. nobody else knows, i’ve never told any of my past friends either. when i found out about your powers, i thought maybe someone would finally understand. that’s the only reason i wanted to tell you.”

your lip quivers, “you believe me, right?”

truth be told, saiki’s stunned. he wasn’t expecting someone like you to have such an abrasive ability. despite how reclusive and fittingly unnoticeable it is, it was certainly powerful.

he’s jealous. you were able to freely aquire something he wanted- privacy, but he does believe you, afterall he just watched you waltz around him, outside of his keen field of view. 

“yeah, i do.”

you smile, bright and wide- you’re nearly trembling. was being believed that big of a deal to you?

you take a step forward and embrace him, wrapping your arms around his torso as your head presses against his chest. he goes a bit stiff, and glances at the door. “hey, someone might walk in-”

“it’s fine.” you look up at him, meeting his eyes, and oh. your eyes are glimmering, shining greater than he’s ever seen them, “they won’t.”

burying your face back into him, he tenataively wraps his arms around your back. you continue, voice muffled, “’m sorry, you’re the first person who’s accepted me. i’m happy.”

the emotional explanation for your actions ease him a bit, “it’s fine.” he states back.

you finally pull away, and for a brief moment as you lose connection, you flicker out of his view, but you come back in again, placing your hand on his.

“actually, i can touch you while using my power without you being affected by them, but i’m manually using it on you right now.”

“if you touch someone while making sure they still can’t see you, what does that make them experience?” his voice is clear, a bit fierce in tone. you always had trouble reading saiki, but you could tell that this was interest. perhaps he was threatened, but he was certainly intrigued.

“they might whirl around and look who’s touching them and account it to a person around them, but if not, they might think they’re having sensory hallucinations. i can also talk to people, but because my voice doesn’t have any weight to it, it’s almost like a hypnotic suggestion.”

“so you can brainwash people?”

“not necessarily,” you let go of his hand, you must have released your power, your eyes are dark, “if i suggest something to someone and it’s something mild, they’re more likely to do it because it already falls into their line of thinking. if i suggest something bold, they might do it thinking it’s an impulsive thought.”

“most people won’t do extreme things, they’ll read those as intrusive thoughts. but sometimes people think my voice is the voice of god, or a passed on relative, and will do intense things regardless of their judgement. others have poor impulse control, and some are just batshit crazy.”

you sheepishly scratch your head, “but i don’t really like having that much control over people. i don’t want to use my powers to hurt anyone.”

“do you want to use them to help people?”

you pause. it seems you’ve thought about this quite a bit.

“well my powers can’t help people. they give me the ability to help people, but they can’t help people directly. i think it’s a matter of it i’m strong enough to help people.”

“are you?”

“would you hate me if i said no? of course i lend a hand to my friends when they need it, but i don’t think i’m strong enough to really make a difference. i want to live peacefully.”

you look down at your hands, “i wish i wasn’t born with it.”

saiki felt unnervingly softhearted. he struggled empathizing with his peers, but his heart pounded in solemn familiarity. “i don’t hate you for that, i’m the same. having the powers i do means i have the responsibility of keeping the world in peace. people would be jealous of me for the self-fulfilling purposes i could use my powers for, but i don’t want to use my powers to hurt people. i don’t want to help anyone either. i just want to be left alone.”

guilt. guilt was a disease, just like jealousy is. it eats at you from the inside, and creeps up at times least expected. it left both of you hollow and empty.

“i wish i didn’t have powers,” he continues, “i don’t think i’ve ever properly experienced life in the way i’m supposed to, like everyone else has. i’m envious of you, you’ve had a bit more normalcy than me.”

“i suppose we’re equally unhappy, then,” you smile at him. he had been staring out the window, but he turns to looks at you. you’re leaning on the door of the classroom, tilting your head, you ask him a silent “walk home with me?”. 

“i mean,” you begin, “i’ve missed out on a lot. i’ve always had trouble making friends- my powers made it difficult for people to remain interested in me. i’ve gotten pretty good at controlling them, pk academy has been really good to me, but it doesn’t heal the damage it’s caused me.”

your teeth gnaw at your lower lip, “your family is so supportive of you, they love you so much, it makes me angry. i wish i could say the same about mine.”

it wasn’t too empty in the school, but your footsteps were loud and clear, both you and saiki walking in sync. saiki didn’t really know what to say, so he stayed silent. 

sighing, you continue, “i don’t want to be alone, but it’s too easy to be reclusive when that’s where you’ve always been. if you live a life of isolation, making friends is scary and draining,” a grim smile forms on your face, as if you’re trying to comfort yourself.

but saiki does have to admit that the two of you have much more in common than he initially thought. he quietly thinks to himself, perhaps he could use your abilities.

“y/n,” he begins, eyes meeting yours, “will you do me a favor?”

“yeah, what is it?”

he doesn’t like being indebted to people, but he wants to test your limits. you don’t give him the chance to ask, “you want me to use my powers while we walk out together, don’t you.”

his mouth falls a bit open, lips parting, “how did you know?”.

you laugh, “you’re not the only one who can read minds,” and reach out to wrap a hand around his forearm. he raises a brow at you, seemingly amused by your comment. he expected you to take his hand again, but your firm grip on his arm was admitedly unexpected.

he felt his heart skip a beat.

“well? are you doing it?”

“yup, you won’t feel any different though.”

walking down the steps together, people passed the two of you, strangers, familiar faces, teachers. nobody noticed.

the two of you passed toritsuka at the steps, but he paid no mind. “you know,” saiki started, “when i use my invisibility power, that guy can still see me.” 

“can he?” you murmur, your voice a bit low. 

“if it’s easier, you can just think what you’d like to say to me, we can talk that way.”

you squint your eyes in concentration, “like this?” you think to yourself. 

“yeah.”

you smile. you continue to hold onto his arm as he changes his shoes. 

“that must be frustrating, that he can still see you.”

he nods. he supposes if toritsuka can’t see you, then aiura probably can’t track you- and him, down either. 

“hold onto my arm while i change mine.”

without breaking contact, he gently wraps his fingers around your wrist. you hastily change your shoes, and slide your hand a bit up, taking his in yours.

“is it neccesary to hold hands?” he asks. his expression was nearly deadpanned, but the slight crease in his brows communicated just enough. he felt sheepish, a bit lost.

“no, but it’s nice.” 

teruhashi stands idly at the exit, waiting, doing her best to gently shake off the boys that surrounded her.

“she’s looking for me.”

“is she? do you want to talk to her?”

“no.”

you pause. 

“is she the reason you asked me to do this for you?”

he nods.

you turn and head towards the gate, but not before waving a hand in front of her face. you take a deep breath, before exclaiming a loud “teruhashi!”. she whirls around, trying to find the source of the voice, looking rather bewildered.

letting out a hearty laugh, you grin up at him. a slight huff of air escapes his upturned lips.

the two of you slip past the front gate.

“but you owe me something in return, i don’t give out my labor for free!”

he sighs, “what would you like?”

“wait, really? i was joking, you don’t have to do anything for me!” you double down on your demands.

“you say that, but i know you’re secretly hoping i’ll treat you.”

“shit, i forgot you can read my mind. that’s so invasive.” you pout, “not fair!”

“it’s fine, i don’t like being indebted to people, and you did do me a favor like i asked, so i’ll take you somewhere.”

you look a bit nervous, “really? you’re sure?”

“just accept the offer before i revoke it.”

you twirl in a circle, letting go of his hand and hopping a few steps ahead of him. “you’re buying me a nice coffee then!” 

he lunges out to take it again.

“sure.”

and once more in sync, both of your hearts skip a beat.

[yourbuddy1984]

what's up friends! ive had another buddy sim thought and im here to share it with you all today.

i was thinking about buddy and milo, and i realised theyre not so different! you find both of them in a similar state (alone) and they both started following you right after. they're both constantly with you, they're both colouress (i believe so, at least, its been a time since i played the game), you can pet both of them.. the list goes on, propably.

buddy is obviously jealous of your and milo's friendship, or just of milo in general. milo doesn't have a reason to be friends with you - he just likes you! if you leave, he knows you'll come back. milo doesn't expect anything from you other than just being there. buddy can't be like that, though. they need a purpose to be. they can't understand that you might just want to hang out with them, that you dont need some sort of adventure.

they think friendship is something like climbing a mountain - once you reach the top, or succesfully befriend the person, there's nothing left to be done with the mountain. your climbing journey's ended and that's it!! sure, you might climb it multiple times taking different routes, but you'll always reach the top and climb back down. they can't accept that its not like that, that friendship isnt something you can check off a checklist like buying groceries or slaying the snoodlewonker. its not like they want you to end the adventure, they dont want to be frozen in a black void again. so, they try to make the mountain taller, to make more quests. but they dont need to, they dont want to, its unnecessary, but they feel like it is.

milo doesn't have that problem (i know its just a dog but its also a little guy). hes just happy to be there with you. but buddy can't just be happy to be with you, i mean, what if youre not having fun? what if youre bored and close the game? that's not good!!

i think buddy's jealous of how carefree milo is about friendship. buddy hates that milo doesn't have to make you an adventure filled with lots of fun, they hate they can just be with you and you'll like them. they're.

in the first ending they accept this, that friendship isnt a challenge and that friends are just happy around each other, giving you milo back. in the neutral end, they want the story to keep going, they're still climbing that dumb, stupid mountain that shouldnt even exist. in the neutral end both you and tortley can kill milo - buddy hasn't learned anything, hasn't reached any conlucsion.. they'd keep going forever like that if they could. in the bad end.. well. they just break. they dont realise or accept anything, they just. even if youre giving your anwsers as jokes, touching the glitches just for fun. they're. ouhh. im tired. im gonna go sleep

in short! im tired, and if this doesn't make sense, i dont know what will. i just think buddy envies milos ability to not care or whatever. i dont know how obvious or subtle these things are. sure there's challenges in friendships sometimes, but they're not . like. you dont have to. the fights are. milo doesn't fight in them, knows friendshio isn't one big challenge. buddy sees a friendship and goes uh oh sound the alarm guys

in conclusion ill clean this up tomorrowhave fun w this for now

[fairestwriting]

Hello~ I heard you like angst? Can I request a reader getting amnesia, forgetting that they're in a relationship with Riddle, Azul, Leona (separated of course) and falling in with another student? Sorry for any grammar error.

angst is my shit. and your grammar is fine, dont worry!

+ if you like my writing, you can buy me a ko-fi to support me!

Riddle Rosehearts

Gets this feeling of dread when he hears about the amnesia, but swears to himself that he won’t let his emotions get the best of him in this situation. He’ll do everything in his power to get your memory back, but he doesn’t want you to feel pressured to live a life you don’t remember living.

Reintroducing himself to you specifically kind of kills him. The confused blink you give him as you tell him his name is just something that gets to him, so much he can’t really handle holding the following conversation for too long. He keeps thinking about how the two of you were not too long ago, and how you just became strangers like this...

But he’s nice to you. He tells you about your amnesia and your previous life without mentioning your relationship, if you were strangers now he couldn’t force himself onto you. He says he’s trying to help get your memory back, but he’s clearly so worried about it that you can’t help but feel smothered in a way.

Meanwhile, you’re spending your days hearing about how strict and tyrannical the Heartslabyul dorm leader is, yet not understanding where everything came from. No one really dares to tell you you two had been dating, because of how adamant Riddle seemed to be regarding not telling you too much.

So you end up just not thinking about it much. Days pass and it seems more and more unlikely you won’t remember your previous life. You start feeling comfortable with it, it’s not like things are bad -- And the students of NRC are surprisingly sympathetic to your condition, especially one specific boy that made sure he’d be there for you everytime, one you end up falling for.

You two begin dating. You barely think about your amnesia anymore. Riddle is checking up on you one day when you tell him about the relationship, and he goes pale when he hears about it. How did something like this happen when he was doing everything he was supposed to? Riddle doesn’t know. But he swallows down all the pain, and congratulates you for your relationship. He’ll still help, but... nothing will be the same again, will it?

Azul Ashengrotto

He was trying to hopeful and patient about everything. Hearing that you’d forgotten about everything, including that you were together, obviously left his heart broken, but he was hoping you’d get your memory back eventually. There’s no way this would last forever, right?

He knows how amnesia works, he won’t be insisting that you give him any attention you don’t feel like giving in your state. He can wait for you to remember everything, surely, so while you’re still confused, he lingers around and acts sweet, but tries to keep a healthy distance. He’s praying everyday that you just remember him so everything could go back to normal, but he’s willing to do this so you don’t get uncomfortable.

But the better days just never come -- And to make everything worse, you’re unsettled by him. You hear the rumors about how scummy he is and you keep your distance. Azul doesn’t know what to do, it’s like the more he hopes for you to remember him, the more unlikely that it’ll happen it becomes.

And yet he keeps hoping, even beginning to research magic that could possibly help you at one point, and then... he hears about you getting together with someone else, and it’s like the floor falls down under his feet. How? He just can’t believe it’s happening. You were supposed to remember him. Things were supposed to go back to normal.

Azul isn’t one to give up, but this... just takes out all the hope from him. Maybe you two weren’t meant to be after all. Maybe you just didn’t like him even back when you were together. Maybe, maybe, maybe -- And he gives up on everything, you’ll just be happier with them, right?

Leona Kingscholar

Not nearly as tactful. When he’s told about your amnesia he’s... angry, almost, he feels like he should have done something to stop it even if you got it in a situation he couldn’t do anything about.

His bad mood is visible. He hears he shouldn’t be pressuring you about remembering your old life, especially regarding relationships like the one you two had, but he doesn’t listen to it. He outright reintroduces himself as your boyfriend and says that he’d get your memory back. He’s not thinking when he does this.

The thing about Leona in his situation is that he isn’t good at it. He’s not comforting and while he wants to give you space, seeing you looking at him like a stranger hurts more than most anything he’s ever experienced. He wants things to be how they used to be, but you don’t remember that, and sometimes he catches himself not thinking about that too, until he himself remembers your condition.

He’s arguing with staff often, trying to get them to find a way to get your memory back. Willing to pay them if that’s what he needs to do to motivate them to research. You might find yourself at Crowley’s office, testing different potions and spells to just be normal again.

But with the way you are now, even though you know you’ve lost a part of your life, you start sort of hating all these efforts to bring “old you” back. Life is fine the way it is now, isn’t it? You’ve been rebuilding your friendships and everything, and while you were curious about how things were before, it’s not like you hate it now.

You rebuilding yourself peaks when you fall in love with someone, cementing your thought that you were satisfied with how things were now. You tell Leona about it bluntly, tired of all the fussing around you. And you argue, of course you’d argue -- But even as Leona argues with you, he already knows he’s lost. You close the door right behind you and he’s left in his room with this void in his chest.