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delusional-day-dreamer · 11 months ago

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New Year's Kiss - p.b

‣ paige bueckers x reader

‣ wc: 3567

‣‣ synopsis: you were known as one of the calmest, most well-tempered players on the ucon wbb roster. so what happens if you lose your cool for the first time in a game? takes place at the uconn vs notre dame game on dec 31, 2022: based off this post/req from my nonnie 🫶, and lowk inspired by paige's bloody nose at the uconn vs seton hall game!

‣‣‣ a/n: hey guys.... i'm so sorry for being so inactive but the writer's block hit me HARD. I have a few more drafts in progress I hope to release this week, thank y'all SO MUCH for the support and patience! Also, for the opponent in this game i refer to her solely as the, "marquette girl", as i don't know their players that well and don't want to use an irl girl!

Up until the second half of the game, everything had been going decent for you. Sure, this game was one of the most aggressive of the season, but you were right in the peak of your season, so it made sense that emotions were running high with the pressure to do well.

But that didn't excuse the fact that the Marquette girl that had been assigned to defend you had been playing dirty the entire night. After the fucking hellish week you had just gotten through, this girl was about to be the straw that broke the camel's. your, back.

After Paige's acl tear in August and the work and energy you had been endlessly pouring into your game from the past two and a half years till now, you had basically solidified your place as one of the main starters on the team, which meant you were receiving a lot more consistent playing time. The thought of being a more prominent player on the team didn't panic you the way it might others, as you you were known for always being a very level-headed, reliable player under pressure, as you had been dubbed by the media as the "Silent Assassin". But tonight was proving to test your limits to the max.

Any time you were on the court for the first two quarters, the Marquette girl had been glued to you, illegally all up in your space, pushing and shoving at you, taunting you over and over again, and even tripping you once when you lunged for the ball. All of which she had done without receiving a single foul, which not only pissed you off, but also your teammates on the court, the players on your bench, and your coach.

And of course, the one time you had defended yourself against her in the second quarter was the only time the ref called a foul on both of you. She had nearly pressed herself up against you the second your hands came in contact with the ball, leaving you with no choice but to pass to your teammate Aaliyah to sink a layup, when she hooked her arm through yours and pulled just as the ball left your hands.

Her unnecessary aggression caused something to snap inside of you, as the second you felt her yank on your arm, you turned around to push her off of you, hard. She stumbled backwards a little bit, not tripping or hitting the ground in any way, but the damage had been done in the, very biased, eyes of the refs.

The two of you rapidly reacted, approaching each other as you were yelling out meaningless threats and a long string of curses. Thankfully, your teammates holding the two of you back firmly, preventing any further physical altercations.

The two of you both received technical fouls for the unnecessary physical contact and unsportsmanlike behaviour. However, the foul you received only irked you more. Why were the only fouls called on her when it involved you pushing back? Could they not see the way she was treating you the entire game?

And of course, Geno wasn't thrilled about one of his starters getting a tech in the first half of the game. While benched, he had chewed you out for losing your temper at her, especially for cursing, which was something refs never let slide. But his reprimands didn't hold the usual level of anger or frustration, as he internally agreed that the Marquette girl had it coming for her, but, he had to remain professional.

Of course basketball was a physical sport, and with aggression came some conflicts with other players, but her behaviour tonight was unprovoked and incredibly aggravating to you. Which only worsened in the third quarter.

After your tech, you had been trying your best to ignore the incredibly annoying actions of the Marquette girl, but you simply couldn't anymore after she had purposely elbowed you in the nose to make her shot.

You immediately stumbled backwards, folding over at the waist as your hands came up in an attempt to alleviate the intense throbbing your nose felt. You could feel the blood begin to dribble down to your lip as you walked over to the bench with Lou escorting you, awaiting the ref's call.

The refs decided to not call a foul on the other girl, claiming that she hadn't reached backwards on purpose, it was simply the angle of her basket and granted UConn two free throws. The call enraged you, and something inside you snapped. You very quickly forgot about the tissue you were firmly holding at your nostrils as you approached him, insisting with him that the call was blind and blatantly biased.

You hadn't noticed the blood resumed to flow down your face while arguing until it hit your mouth, but you paid no mind to the taste of iron that filled your mouth as you persisted angrily speaking to the ref.

"Paige, go get her before she gets another tech," Geno whispered into Paige's ears over by the bench.

She nodded at him, making her way over to you to pull you away from the ref who was now threatening to eject you from the game.

"Okay enough, you need to get checked out by the team medic," Paige wrapped her arm around your waist to pull you away from your heated conversation, despite your struggle against her. She wasn't that much taller than you, but the extra two ish inches she had on you were proving useful right now.

She dragged you over to the bench, ignoring your many protests. She pried the used, bloody tissue out of your fingers to toss to the medic waste bag, grabbing new ones from her hand to help your bloody nose. It was apparent to everyone on your team, even the fans watching, that your stubbornness wouldn't allow you to accept the call that easily and allow the medic to clean you up. So, Paige would just have to do it herself.

Since your first day on the Uconn campus, you and Paige had become extremely close. With the two of you being assigned roommates your freshman year, the COVID year, it would've been impossible to not become best friends, considering the fact that you spent all of your time together.

If not at practice or hanging out with the team, the two of you were trapped inside your dorm, forced to find company within each other for the entire year. And with Paige's injury her sophomore year, you were one of the only people she was able to open up to, other than Azzi, and you had become her comfort during her rehab time, both then and now. Despite no longer being roommates, you two still always hung out at each other's respective dorm, even having frequent sleepovers.

Your incredibly close relationship wasn't left unnoticed by the media either, especially social media platforms like tiktok. When Paige and Azzi denied the relationship allegations at the same time you made it clear that you liked girls, the internet quickly refocused their attention onto you and Paige, and neither of you had the heart to deny any rumors circulating. Considering that after Azzi, you were the least active on your social media when it came to anything other than basketball, it wasn't too hard to ignore the internet's speculation.

All of which to say, Paige had made it incredibly easy for you to catch feelings for her. Until her, you had never known what it was like to be completely head over heels for someone. The way your heart skipped any time the two of you made eye contact, the way your cheeks flushed when she brushed against you, and the chemistry the two of you shared on and off the court was undeniable.

Unbeknownst to you, she felt the exact same way, and for the last two years, everyone but you two could see the feelings you harbored for each other.

If only you could feel the way her heart was beating as she held your face in one hand, using the other to apply pressure to your nose and wipe away at the blood on your face, neck, and jersey as she listened to you rant about the refs and how they were cheating you guys out of fouls the entire game. Although, she wasn't able to focus on the words coming out of your mouth, only the plumpness of your lips as they moved, something you noticed as your verbal attack slowed down so you could take a breath in between your sentences.

"She's literally fucking stuck up my ass and the refs ignore her which is actual bullshit, the amount of times this girl has literally made unnecessary contact or-, Paige are you even listening to me?"

Her lingering gaze on your mouth quickly snapped up to your eyes, a sheepish smile settling onto her now flushed cheeks.

"Yeah, yeah sorry."

She wiped the remaining blood from around your nose before calling over the medic to check your nose. A small bruise had formed near the bridge, but thankfully it wasn't broken. While she was checking your nose, Paige did her best to avoid meeting your curious stares.

Of course the two of you had small moments where you could envision that Paige felt the same for you. But never one that was so blatantly obvious as her staring at your lips, especially so publicly.

Nonetheless, you barely had time to analyze the interaction before the medic was clearing you to return to the game, Paige patting your butt (this) as you jogged by her to sub back into the game, which, until the handshake line, went without any further incidents, despite your team beating them by 13 points (HVL VS TEXAS Y'ALL).

When passing by you, you heard her mutter under her breath, "fucking bitch," in response to your half-hearted, "good game". It was safe to say you didn't take that well, responding to her with, "you wanna come say that to my fucking face? Pussy ass bitch." For both of your sakes, Dorka and one of her teammates were able to keep pushing the two of you down the line and out to the lockers before the post-game conference with Lou, Nika, and Dorka, which Geno insisted you attend to apologize for your behaviour.

***Small Time Skip***

"So Y/N, the multiple incidents that occured tonight with you and (BLANK) from Georgetown, do you have anything to say about them? I mean, you're known for being a very calm and collected player, but tonight we saw a very different side of you," a reporter questioned you. The questions for you from tonight's post-game conference mostly avoided the fight, treading the waters carefully as it was unlike anything you had ever been involved in.

"I'm not gonna try and cover for myself or anything, it was unprofessional and unacceptable for me to lose my temper on the court like that. Like you said, I've always tried to place an emphasis on just basketball when playing and avoid any other personal feelings or problems, but I guess tonight I didn't do as good of a job on that as I could of. This is something that I will keep in mind for all of our upcoming games as that's not the kind of image or reputation I want to set for myself or the team I represent. I would never want this kind of behaviour to be defining moments from our games because my teammates really put their all into every single one of their games, especially tonight's, and I don't want to create any personal animosity with the girls on the Marquette team, as I have a lot of respect for them."

Your diplomatic and cordial answer had appeased majority of the reporters, along with Geno and the team publicist in the back corner of the room. Except for one nosy reporter who seemed unhappy with your tactful response and was practically feining for drama.

“This one is for y/n, but with the events of today, you mentioned that you try to keep all personal feelings off the court. Is that an implication of some external underlying tension or problems between you and number (BLANK), as the two of you got quite physical today?”

What the fuck? Now they really were trying to start something between the two of you that never existed in the first place.

“No not at all. I have no connection with number (BLANK) off the court and don’t even personally know her. As I mentioned before, I have nothing but respect for the girls at Marquette and there are no hard feelings on my end. You know, basketball is a physical contact game and that just means that there a few rough moments here and there, it’s just part of the game.”

If they ask any more stupid questions about you and the Marquette girl you were actually gonna lose your mind. Especially if they somehow tie in the fact that you like girls with the fight.

Which, thankfully, they ended up dropping the fight for the rest of the interview, and you and the others were finally allowed to go out and celebrate New Year's Eve the way they had originally planned to.

The whole team, and Kayla of course, was prepared to celebrate at your favorite local bar, Ted's. All of the girls who were taken were bringing their partners along and those of you who were single were all ready to hunt someone down for a drunken kiss at midnight. Except you.

You were far too down bad for Paige to even fathom kissing someone else at the moment, especially not while going out with her and the rest of the team, who all knew about your ginormous crush on Paige.

Nonetheless, you still did your best to get ready quickly, wearing your baggiest pair of low-rise cargo pants and a very cropped white halter tank top in an attempt to cheer yourself up from the fact you wouldn't have a New Year's kiss this year, again.

But by the time you were throwing back shots at the bar like they were water, you couldn't find it in you to care about how single you were. It was common knowledge that you weren't the best at holding your liquor, as the team often made fun of your ability to get drunk off of two to three shots, which is exactly the position you found yourself in.

Until, of course, "guardian angel Paige" decided she needed to intervene in your drinkfest, walking up to your barstool and effectively cutting you off by having the bartender replace your drink with a regular shirley temple just before midnight so that she, or any of your other friends, wouldn't have to deal with you throwing up at four in the morning.

"You gotta go easy on the shots y/n/n, you're gonna hate yourself in the morning if you keep drowning your liver in alcohol."

"Funny, coming from Storrs's resident party girl, Miss Madison," you teased. There were only about twenty minutes left until bar's tv would depict the ball dropping in New York, and the disparity of your situation had begun to sink in.

Not only would you be suffering through another New Year's with no midnight kiss, but you had no relationships since last year or even a single talking stage, no potential relationship prospects for the future, and worst of all, no Paige.

"Yeah well, at least I can hold my drinks. You, on the other hand, are the most lightweight out of all of us. Besides, what happened to your little New Years tradition, the whole eating the grapes thing to find the love of your life or whatever?"

You went off on a little drunken tangent at this, complaining that it was completely ineffective, but also, the fact that it made you look stupid in front of the entire team when absolutely nothing came out of it.

"I mean it's so dumb. I don't get why my love life is so barren, like actually non-existent, it's not like I'm super unattractive or anything like that. Right? But like, I don't even have a midnight kiss this year, again," you grumbled to Paige, unaware of the way she was staring at your lips for the second time today, mesmerized by their movements.

"You are most definitely not unattractive. You're like one of the most attractive people I know. Besides, it's not like I'm kissing anyone this year," Paige reassured you, and somehow, your drunk brain simply did not process the way she had flusteredly complimented you.

"Yeah but you're Paige Bueckers," you emphasized, "you could kiss anyone in this bar if you wanted. Men and women, single and taken, would literally form a line two blocks down if you even mentioned wanting to kiss someone," you gazed up at Paige from your leaned position against the bartop, watching as the gears turned behind her eyes.

"Anyone in the bar? Like, anyone at all?" She asked you curiously, a small smirk graced her features as she peered down at you.

"Yeah probably, but there's only like two minutes left or something, so you should pick someone soon."

"Oh I already have someone picked out, I just don't know if they would kiss me back."

"Oh?" You felt your stomach drop at her statement, and you couldn't stop the jealousy from coursing through your veins if your life had depended on it. But Paige's unwavering gaze never left your face, and you could feel your cheeks flush at the way she was intently looking at you.

"Quite the staring problem tonight P?"

"Well it's pretty hard to not stare at the prettiest girl in the room," she flirted, scooting closer to you, effectively closing some of the distance between you two.

"I-, what?" You stuttered, taken back by Paige's actions.

"How many hints does I have to drop before you finally start picking up on them? I want to kiss you y/n, I want you."

The ten-second countdown had begun as Paige confessed to you, and you were left gawking at Paige's face, your heart threatening to give out from how fast it was beating.

"FIVE, FOUR,"

You yanked on Paige's belt loop, pulling her flush against your body as your eyes focused in on her lips.

"THREE, TWO, ONE, HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!""

Your right hand reached up to grab Paige's jaw at the end of the countdown, pulling her lips firmly down onto yours. The bar's loud chants barely registered to you as you lost yourself in the intoxication of Paige's lips. Your tongue glided across her lip as your mouths moved in unison, causing her to groan into you. You took it as an invitation to slip your tongue into her mouth, the kiss deepening with unrestrained passion.

Your built-up need for each other was apparent as you made out, sending shivers down your spine at the pressure of her mouth against yours. It felt as if she was the oxygen you needed to breathe, and now that you had her, there was no way you could let her go now.

***The next morning: New Year's Day***

Your eyes fluttered open with a pounding headache, yet, the utterly familiar weight of a certain pairs of hands around your waist provided a sense of comfort you knew only she could provide.

Paige's soft snores rung out throughout the room, and as you gently reached forward to her nightstand to grab your phone off charging, you realize it was still extremely early in the morning, not even eight a.m.

And yet, your phone was blowing up with notifications from all social media platforms, even your text messages had over a hundred notifications.

Confused, you click on the apps to check what all the fuss was about, quickly realizing what had happened.

The entire interaction between you and Paige at the game was recorded by the cameramen and had instantaneously made it's way all over the internet, only fueling the dating rumors about the two of you.

The comments and posts were going feral at the way Paige was the only one who could calm you down, the way she wrapped her arms around your waist to pull you back, her holding your face ever so delicately, her smacking your butt as you ran back onto the court, and of course, her transparent staring at your lips the entire time you were an inch apart from her.

"What are you looking at baby," Paige sleepily mumbled into your neck, tightening her grip around your waist to pull you further into her, slinging her right leg over your waist.

You put your phone down and turned in her hold, wrapping your arms around her body as you peered down at Paige's sleepy face, admiring how beautiful she always looked.

"Your fans are going crazy about how obviously down bad you are for me P," you teased, running your foot up and down her calf as Paige pressed her face into your chest to absorb your body heat.

"Let them, just go back to sleep with me for a little bit longer."

And of course, how could you ever say no when your girlfriend was asking you so sweetly?

a/n: thank you for reading all the way through, and i'm so sorry if the ending is kinda rushed, i just wanted to finally get another fic out 🤗

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op1umeyes · 3 months ago

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Can you?

͙͘͡★ Hiiiii my friends!!! So, i actually wrote this in 2022! I just… never published it. Partly because I feel like my smut scenes arent good and partly because I didn’t like it. But because I’m cleaning my drafts and I typed all this out on my phone, I figured I’d post it! Be careful because this is ALL smut and not very high quality… XOXOXOX I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

͙͘͡★ female reader, slutty activities tbh, remus is not a shy little wolf man in this, group fuck or groupie or orgy idfk, oral sex (m & f recieving), cringey writing (i dont know how to write sex scenes without it sounding cringey lmao),

͙͘͡★ track one, track two, track three

Remus never wondered why James and Sirius had always looked a little too long at Remus’s girlfriend, assuming maybe they were still warming up to her. That would be odd, though, considering how fast the whole group warmed up to people.

Maybe- Remus thought- maybe they were in disbelief that Remus had actually pulled the girl he had been pining over since first year, maybe they were upset at Remus and y/n for spending so much time together… Or maybe they were jealous.

James and Sirius could get almost anyone they wanted. In fact, Remus could only name about fifteen students total who didn’t fancy James or Sirius (most of which are Slytherins).

But now, with Sirius on his belly on the bed with his face buried deep between y/n’s thighs, Remus recognizes it all; the feelings, the glances, the whispering, and the lusting. James Fleamont Potter- the boy who could land anyone in his bed- was groping remus lupin’s beautiful girlfriend’s tits as he fucked her willing throat.

Remus watched with dark eyes, legs spread, as he watched his best friends go down on his girlfriend. Seeing her thighs twitch and her throat bulge was a new experience, one that would probably happen a lot more in the future.

“Fuckin’ christ, y/n,” James spat, twisting and pinching y/n’s nipples. “You really love being fucked like a good little girl, don’t you? Havin’ Moony watch us have our own fun turns you on, doesn’t it? Hm?”

y/n moaned. Yes. To all questions.

Sirius had to hold y/n’s thighs open or else she’s crush his skull. Remus hadn’t thought Siri would like eating women out as much as he clearly did, but it was fucking hot. He enjoyed it greatly, taking his time swirling his tongue around y/n’s puffy clit before darting into her gushing cunt to tongue-fuck her.

“Y’gonna let me cum in that throat or do you want it all over these gorgeous tits?” James asked.

y/n swirled her tongue around James’s dick in response and hallowed her cheeks.

Remus watched y/n’s body squirm on the bed, watching James move his hips even faster and Sirius unconsciously grind down hard on the bed.

“Put a little pressure on her lower belly before she cums,” Remus’s gravely voice advised. He swallowed and palmed his dick through his boxers.

Sirius’s warm hand moved up to press down a little bit on the soft skin just under y/n’s belly button. He immediately groaned at she way y/n’s legs went slack.

James’s thrusts turned sloppier, jaw clenching as his orgasm approached. “Suckin’ the life outta me, merlin,” he murmured.

Sirius, previously letting out small moans and groans, was practically singing into y/n’s pussy; lapping desperately at y/n’s clit and slipping two fingers in her at random, making her head spin and back arch.

Finally, just as James’s hips stuttered, the white-hot coil deep in y/n’s core snapped, gushing into Sirius’s mouth. James groaned deeply as his seed poured into y/n’s throat, filling up her belly with her boyfriend’s best friend’s seed.

Remus’s own cock- still in his boxers- throbbed under his hand, watching his best friends and girlfriend reach their high.

When James pulled out of your mouth, he leaned down to give your flushed lips a kiss. “Thank you, dove,” he murmured, stroking baby hairs from your face before dipping down to kiss you again. Remus’s gaze flickered to Sirius- who, was holding down your squirming body to lap up the rest of your cum.

“Can you handle Moony, love?” Sirius asked from between your thighs. You finally- finally- looked up at Remus with those dark eyes of yours and Remus almost came right then.

Remus tilted his head, hand resting over his throbbing boner. “Can you?”

You smiled coyly. “Come over here and find out, pretty boy,” you rasped.

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hiiraya · 6 months ago

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loml

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

words: ~3.3k

warnings: angst, happy ending (?), literally just self-indulgent writing, messy writing, listen to loml by taylor swift to get in the sad mood

a/n: merry christmas everyone! the last thing I posted was january of 2022 and it's literally about to be 2025 - I've been in a reminiscing mood lately and this was something I've had in the drafts for months, I figured I should just release it to get it out of my system. your girl has been missing someone bad bro and the urge to tag them in this is insane ♡ anyways, hope they see this lmao

“Have a safe flight and text me when you land, yeah?”

“I will, I will. Get home safe and update me as well, okay?”

You release your cousin from your hold, giving their shoulder a quick squeeze as they pull away. You do a last minute check with them to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything important - something you were always prone to do when travelling by yourself. The memory of you almost missing your international flight because you had rushed home and back to the airport within record speed, all because you had forgotten your passport of all things.

“I’ll fly out to see you next time, so you can show me around.” You smile.

“Are you guys serious? I told you to leave early so that this exact thing wouldn’t happen!”

Your eyebrows immediately furrow at the familiar voice, catching one last glance of your cousin as they enter the security screening area, waving to them while you mouth one last ‘text me when you land!’ as they leave your sight, before turning around to find the source of the voice.

No way it’s her, you thought. What’s she doing here?

As you get closer to the arrivals board, your questions are answered. Standing there in all her glory, is the one woman you never thought you’d lay your eyes on again.

“Natasha?”

You see the puzzled look on her face as she registers your voice before she even lays her eyes on you. Watching as the confusion turns to irritation - whether it was towards you or whoever was on the other side of the phone, you couldn’t tell (most likely both) - you watch as a deep sigh she releases as she glances at the board in front of her once again.

“-that’s another 10 hours before you guys even land.” She sighs, exasperation lacing her voice.

“Hey, listen if you need help-”

She holds a finger up to silence you, eyes meeting yours in a piercing glance. “I don’t need help, and especially not from you Y/N L/N.”

At her words, you look down, the sight of your shoes a welcome one as you take a second to recover. Honestly, you thought to yourself, I deserved that.

“Yes, it’s Y/N- no I did not! I swear I didn’t know that they were here.” You hear her mutter from beside you. Deciding to save the both of you from further embarrassment, you turn your attention elsewhere, wondering what your cousin would say once you eventually tell them about who you ran into immediately after they left.

You lift your head back up when you hear Natasha mumble "you guys pick the day before Christmas of all days to be late for your flight” followed by a quick goodbye before hanging up the phone, watching her scope the airport for her next step.

You could just leave and pretend this ever happened.

“Come on, Nat, I promise I just want to help.” You find yourself saying instead. “I can take you to your hotel when they get here.”

Well, there's no going back from that now.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Are you seriously asking me that right now?”

You really needed to stop opening your mouth.

“Okay, you know what, I deserve that.” You pause. “Listen, I’m not going to force you to come with me, but the offer is still there if you want it. You’ll get a free ride, plus you can use my apartment to rest and freshen up while you wait.”

-x-

"I can't believe you talked me into this."

You spare a glance to Natasha, who was currently sitting in your passenger seat.

"You're the one that followed me to the car?"

She rolls her eyes at your confused tone, choosing to ignore what you said and instead checking her phone - most likely waiting for an update from whoever she was speaking to on the phone before. "I can't believe they missed their flight."

"Who's they?"

"Yelena, Maria, Wanda," she answers. "Oh, and Yelena's friend Kate too. I don't think you've met her."

You bit the inside of your cheek, because you already know that you didn't get to meet anyone named Kate while you were still together. You honestly didn't get to meet many of Natasha's friends whenever visited her - it was something you always fought over. It felt like she was ashamed of you, always wanting to keep you hidden, a secret she never planned on sharing with the world.

You refrain from asking any follow up questions - if Natasha wanted you to know more she would tell you.

Instead, you ask: "Did they manage to catch the next flight out?"

She nods. "I'm honestly surprised they did, considering how expensive it probably would've been. But knowing Maria, she probably would've pulled some strings to make it work."

Natasha finally looks up from her phone as you come to a stop, looking at the building you had just parked in front of.

"Where are we?"

"My apartment, I figured we could drop off your bags and you can freshen up before I show you around." You open the door for Natasha before moving to grab her bags from the trunk.

You lead her inside, setting her bags down in the living room before turning around to face Natasha - holding your arms out as you gesture to your living space. It's the first time she's ever stepped foot into this place, having only seen it through a phone screen since you were the one who would fly out to visit her when you were still together.

"I'll grab you some towels so you can freshen up, but make yourself at home." You say, gesturing for her to follow you down a hallway. "The bathroom is the first door to your left, there should be a spare toothbrush under the sink- wait did I give to my cousin? Well, we can grab you one while we're out but everything you need should be here."

You know you're rambling but you don't stop in fear of saying something stupid (which knowing you, is highly likely).

"If you want to take a nap, the guest room is just a little further down the hall on the right - I just changed the sheets so everything should be fresh."

It's not the way you wanted to be showing Natasha around your home for the first time, but you'll take what you can get. It'd be so easy to waltz back to the way things were, before everything fell apart but you didn't have the right to that anymore. You weren't a part of her life anymore.

You didn't know if she already had someone new in her life, maybe you were overstepping in so many ways and that it was best to just keep your distance. After all, you did promise that you just wanted to help. You were here to keep her company until the girls arrived and take her to the hotel when they finally did get here.

You know it's for the better to just move on, that after today she'll be gone and it'll be like she never made a reappearance in your life. But how could you when you know deep down that you still haven't fully moved on and that she'll always hold your heart in her hands?

Natasha's voice cuts off your reverie, bringing you back to the present as you hand her the towels.

"Give me an hour to shower and rest my feet for a bit, I wanna go out and explore while we wait."

-x-

"Do you see that one over there? That's a hammerhead shark! They're one of the most powerful sharks in the ocean."

Natasha hears the little girl gasp, watching their eyes going wide with wonder. She can't help the small laugh that escapes when she sees the young girl lean closer towards the glass before loudly whispering, "is it going to eat us?"

You laugh softly, and Natasha can't help but think that she's missed hearing the sound of your laugh, something she thought she wouldn’t hear again. It comforts her slightly to know that it hasn't changed after all these years, and that she can still easily recognise the sound as being yours only.

"It won't eat us! Sharks don't eat humans," she hears you explain. "They're more interested in fish and seals, than they are humans. But they are really strong swimmers, and they can smell things from miles away - even in water!"

She'd been watching you answer questions about sharks for the past 5 minutes, after a curious little girl ran up to while you were looking at the shark tank and asked if you knew what type of shark was swimming in front of the glass.

"Do sharks talk to each other?"

"They don't talk like we do, but they do communicate by using their bodies and how they move through the water. Some sharks even make sounds by rubbing their teeth together, kind of like a secret language that only they can hear."

It doesn't take long for the girl's mother to find the three of you, sighing in relief as she sees her daughter, looking up at you apologetically.

"Sorry, she's probably been asking you a million questions."

You give the woman a friendly smile and shake your head. "It was nothing, I loved answering all of her questions." You tell her. "It looks like you might have a future marine biologist on your hands."

"Let's leave the lovely ladies to enjoy the rest of their date, bubba."

"Oh- it's not-"

"We're not-"

The mother and daughter are already walking off before either of you could finish your sentences, leaving you and Natasha standing in front of the shark exhibit with red cheeks and thundering heartbeats.

Natasha catches your eyes as you glance at her in a shy glance, and she knows it's too late. The warmth that passes through her as you smile, the same warm and knowing smile that you used to give her when everything was still okay was almost enough to bring her down to her knees.

You interrupt before her thoughts can spiral any further, clearing your throat before gesturing with your head the direction of the next exhibit.

"Shall we keep going?"

-x-

Natasha sits across from you at a small café by the beach. You mention to her that it was your secret place, one that you go to when you wanted time to slow down and just have a moment to catch your breath. After the little incident at the aquarium, you guys decided it was best to just sit and people watch for the time being to avoid any more awkward interactions.

The warmth emanating from the cup of coffee did little to chase away the little chills that ran down her spine every time Natasha caught you gaze lingering on her for longer than you must've realised.

She told you about the plans that she and the girls had made for their vacation while you filled her in on your own life, telling her about your cousin that had just recently come to visit you just before Christmas.

"I'm glad you chose to come with me." You admit after a pause in conversation, voice soft. She turns to look at you, your eyes meeting hers with such an intensity it made her breath get caught in her throat. "I missed getting to talk to you like this."

She can tell that you spoke without thinking, the widening of your eyes giving you away. You look away, muttering a quiet "sorry" before lifting your drink to your lips in an attempt to hide the flush of your cheeks.

She was supposed to be over you. She'd told herself time and time again that she had moved on, but seeing you again, and being here with you, she couldn't deny that she was still in love with you. Having you so close yet so unreachable leaves an ache in her chest.

Throughout the time you two had been sat at the café, she watched you with fondness at the way your eyes lit up while you spoke with excitement in your voice about the things you and your cousin had gotten up to in the week they were with you; Natasha realises that she missed you too - and the comfort that you brought her just by simply being near.

"Nat? You okay?" The worry in your voice only deepens the ache in her heart.

"Yeah, no, sorry - I'm okay." She answers with a shaky nod, breathing deeply. She allows herself to feel her emotions, knowing that it would only do harm if she tried to deny herself this moment with you.

"I missed you too."

The sadness settles deep within her chest, the way you looked so shocked at her words - and she wonders if you were expecting her dismiss your words.

Her phone pings loudly from where it was placed on the table, the text tone sounding off four times in a row as her screen lights up between the two of you.

Natasha!! We've landed :D - Wanda

Sestra, we're on our way to the hotel now, tell lover girl to drop you off now - Yelena

Hi Nat, sorry again - we'll be there in 30 minutes! - Kate

I'll check us in if we make it to the hotel first, Nat, just let us know when you're there - Maria

You both watch as each text pops up on her phone, knowing that your time together was coming to an end.

Natasha watches as you ponder for a moment - wondering if you were going to add on to your words from before now that she's admitted that she missed you too. For a second it does seem like you're about to say something, but instead you just shake your head slightly to yourself, clearing your throat and as you look away, flagging down a waiter to pay for the meal you shared.

"We should probably get going if we want to get to the hotel at the same time as them."

She allows herself a moment to watch as you gather everything, absentmindedly listening to you talk about leaving now so we don't hit traffic - though I guess it's fair to make them wait, considering they made you wait like 10 hours, that's a practically a whole day wasted where you guys could've been sightseeing!

Natasha knows your putting on a brave front - she can see it in your eyes as you gather your wallet and keys, but she begrudgingly gets up after you pay for the bill, walking back with you to your car.

Already dreading the moment she has to say goodbye.

-x-

"Well, I guess this is where I leave you."

Pulling up at the front of the hotel, you catch a glance of Yelena, Kate and Wanda through the window. Even though you couldn't see her, you knew Maria wouldn't be too far away. Probably checking everyone in, you assumed as you parked your car near the entrance.

You do your best to avoid looking at Natasha, taking your time in getting out and grabbing her bags from the trunk, knowing this could very well be the last time you see her again. The thought alone breaks your heart all over again - you can recall all the times you've begged the universe to let your paths cross once more. Now that your wish has been granted and you're preparing to say goodbye to her once again, you deeply feel the loss of her from your life before it's even happened.

She's already watching you as you close the trunk. You hope that she can't see the tears that have been slowly building up since you started the drive to the hotel. You refuse to let yourself hope that the look in her eyes could mean anything order than gratitude.

"Thank you, Y/N, for today." She tells you softly.

"It's was nothing, Nat," you say with a smile, before softly adding, "you're welcome and I hope you guys have a Merry Christmas."

Getting lost in the silence that falls between you; you miss the way she's looking at you as you stare down at your shoes, waiting for her to grab her things and go so you can drive back to your apartment and sulk for the rest of the week. You wonder if she can see the way your hands are shaking as you wait for the inevitable goodbye.

"Y/N?"

You hum in response, not trusting your voice to stay steady if you decided to use actual words.

"I had a really good time today."

You tilt your head in curiosity. You've had a hard time all day trying to gauge if Natasha was having enjoying herself or not. There's no doubt in your mind that she would've said something if she wasn't.

"And it got me thinking," she continues. "I don't know- maybe I'm reading into everything wrong, and you can absolutely say no. You'll probably say no, because this is crazy, but I had to say something before I lose my mind-"

"Nat." You interrupt. As endearing as it was to hear her ramble on, to see her getting more and more flustered as she kept talking, you knew she'd work herself up before she every got to what she actually wanted to say.

"Breathe, love."

You nod encouragingly after she takes a deep breath, giving her time to gather her thoughts.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be so wrong, you know?" She starts. "To try again."

You try to hide the shock that you feel, but can't stop the way your eyes widen ever so slightly at her words. Never in a million years did you expect her to even say yes to spending the day with you, let alone suggest giving your relationship another go.

Does she mean just a friendship or an actual relationship?

Is she just saying that because of today?

What if she realises she doesn't actually mean that later on?

What if this was just a joke and she was just waiting for you to say yes so she can go "aha! I was just kidding as if I'd be serious."?

What if-

"We're different people now, don't you think?"

Confused but curious to know what else you had to say, she nods. "I'd say we are."

"We're older than we were before." You add. "We know a lot more about ourselves now, I'm not the scared kid I used to be."

You're scared of making the same mistakes you did all those years ago. But you also know that you're more than willing to learn from those mistakes; to stay and communicate to make things work instead of running away at the first sign of trouble. Because if there's anything you want more in the world, it's to make this work with her.

But just as much as you are scared, you can't help but be excited. Excited and honoured to learn more about this new Natasha, and fall in love with her all over again. You can't wait to find out what stayed the same, and what changed about her. Whatever she was willing to share with you, you'd gladly take.

"I could love you properly this time."

She gasps softly, and your heart pounds at the prospect of already scaring her away.

The thought of her friends seeing this happening through the window of the hotel briefly crosses your mind - you wonder if they'd approve of you making a return to Natasha's life or if they'll make you work for it after the way things ended between you two.

But she smiles, stepping into your personal space to wrap her arms around your neck and all thoughts leave your mind. The only thing you can focus on is Natasha pulling you closer so her words are only for your ears and your ears only to hear.

"I could love you properly this time too."

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #natasha x reader #black widow imagine #avengers x readers #marvel imagine #myfics.txt #i am going through it once again folks #this is probably gonna get shadow banned bc i haven't posted in so long but oh well

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morphym37 · 7 months ago

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Dust binned draft from around 03/2022 while waiting for s1 rop to drop and truthfully, I disliked it just for how repeatitive it is for me🫠

But now... maybe treat it as an earlier iteration of last post since its I had some similar thoughts but I left them off only to pick up 3 years later💀. A more straightforward Annatar ver. with his forever damaged neck #random hc

Post it for archiving <3.

#2022 #sketch/draft/wip #art tag #but this.. this is not art this is pure obsession #at this point im just exposing how much im attached to this one character💀 like literally on a leash #sauron #mairon #not entirely sure why i opened my old folder tbh and i thought i would never post it but here we are #silmarillion

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yutahoes · 4 months ago

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Small World

I might post this here so I can have the energy needed to finish (or even continue) this fic.

characters: single dad! soccer coach! widower! Yuta x female! single mom! fashion designer! divorcee! Y/N (with son! Jung Sungchan, son! Shotaro Osaki, daughter! Sachiko Osaki (OC), daughter! Sakura Nakamoto (OC) word count: 6k words genre: probably chaptered, fluff summary: Who says one cannot fall in love once again? warnings: single parents au, period talk, maybe aegist and sexist comments here and there, minor character death, sexual harassment, a little mutual pining, aged up and aged down characters

This is just a little fic that has been sitting in my drafts since 2022. Heavily inspired by the movie Blended and the Heart over Height NCT Show Content. I don't know if I'll ever write again, but the concept is very close to my heart, that I don't want to waste the story. If anyone reads this, please let me know what you think. Should I continue this or not?

Heavy flow. Regular flow. With wings. Without wings. Sanitary Napkins. Tampons. Pantyliner. Why are there so many choices?

Yuta groaned in annoyance. What does Sachi use? Why didn't she stock up on these things when they did their groceries? Why does she have to get her period tonight? But he should be relieved, right?

At least his daughter isn't pregnant.

He sighed in obvious distress, too loud that the woman beside him just glanced at him cautiously. He lightly apologized, bowing his head in embarrassment. What is he doing in front of feminine products? And why can’t he make up his mind?

A sigh disturbed his thoughts. His gaze fell on the woman beside him, who was looking at the magazines while sighing. Yuta groaned at the same time as the woman, which surprised them both. "Do you need help?" they asked simultaneously before lightly stopping when they realized they had said the exact phrase.

The woman smiled, stepping to the side where the feminine care products were. "First day period?" Yuta nodded as she reached for the heavy-flow pads in front of him. "She's still using pads, right?"

Yuta hissed before shaking his head, "I'm not sure. Her brother usually does this for her, but he's in camp." He blurted out, then realised he might have been giving too much information. "But she's eighteen. I hope that helps."

"Yeah, here." She handed the package of heavy-flow sanitary pads with wings. “You should also prepare a hot compress since she'll be aching all over."

"I'll remember that," Yuta said with a smile, taking a mental note of what she said. “How about you?" Yuta glanced at the object beside the feminine care products and was confused at how the items in this convenience store were placed. "Magazine?"

She looked embarrassed at first but then sighed. "I accidentally ripped my son's magazine." She then showed him a piece of ripped glossy paper. "In my defense, I'm surprised he's reading this stuff." Oh, Yuta nodded his head, he gets it now.

"How old is he?" He asked, taking the ripped paper and feeling it using his fingertips.

"Eighteen." The same age as his twins? No way, she looks too young to be a mother of an eighteen-year-old. "They're already growing up, aren't they?"

They are. He thought it would be easier. But the generation is entirely different.

Yuta handed her a men’s magazine, the same magazine from which the piece of ripped paper came. "This still has fewer nude pictures compared to the others. He's still fine." The girl giggled, taking the magazine before thanking him.

Once lined up for the counter, Yuta realized how awkward this was. He was carrying a sanitary napkin while she was carrying a men's magazine. The woman might have felt uncomfortable, so she suggested switching items before the teller rang their items. Once outside, they immediately changed the plastic bag and paid the other what they owed. "Do you live near here?" Yuta started, and that made the girl stop in her tracks. Wait, that was weird to ask a married woman. "I mean, it's dangerous to be walking this late."

She smiled. "My car is parked there." She pointed at a black Toyota, which surprised Yuta. She must be wealthy. "Do you want me to give you a ride?" she asked while locating her keys inside her purse.

Yuta shook his head, claiming that he lived nearby. "By the way, I'm Yuta Nakamoto. We just moved here from Japan."

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Welcome to the neighborhood, Yuta." She introduced, shaking his hand.

Her hands were so soft. So delicate. She is gorgeous and smiles a lot. Her voice sounded so melodious, and her perfume smelled good. Is this how deprived he is of a female? But God damn it, she's a married woman with an eighteen-year-old son. Why is he fantasizing about her all of a sudden? This is weird.

"You look so happy, Dad," Sachiko, his eighteen-year-old daughter, commented while checking the sanitary pads he had bought for her.

Yuta shook his head, laughing at himself. “The convenience store here is just so funny.” The younger one gave him a weird gaze and nodded. A sigh escaped his lips as Sachi was out of sight. Why was he so ecstatic meeting an attractive married woman in the convenience store? He might be crazy.

—-

"Mom, I'm back!" Sungchan shouted as he entered the door of their house. He put down his duffel bag before instructing his friend to sit on the sofa. "Mom, are you home?" He could hear shuffling from the second floor, and Sungchan smiled. She is home.

The younger guy smiled when the older woman appeared from the mezzanine floor. "Channie!" She quickly ran downstairs, holding her heeled shoes in one hand and her handbag in the other. The taller guy wrapped his arms around his mom for a hug. "Why didn't you call to tell me you're coming back?" she asked while ruffling his hair. “You look thin. Is your dad not feeding you well, my Channie?"

He gave a nervous laugh before gesturing for his friend. "Mom, this is Shotaro Osaki. We met at camp." The younger Japanese guy stood up and greeted the older lady before she looked at her son in confusion, "What camp?"

"Summer camp," Sungchan claimed as a matter of fact. "Dad is on a cruise with his girlfriend so he sent me to summer camp. He said you knew."

"That fucking bastard," she whispered, then lightly glanced at Shotaro, who looked surprised. "Sorry.” The older woman whispered while smiling at their guest before turning to her son again, “But I'm glad you're alright, and you met a new friend."

The younger boy smiled at his friend. "Can Shotaro stay for the night?” The older one nodded, putting on her earrings. “Are you going out?" he asked, then glanced at his mom's black dress. "A date?"

She shook her head, then sat on the couch adjacent to where Shotaro was seated to put on her heels. "I'm meeting a client," she claimed, then took out her wallet and gave Sungchan some cash. "Just order food if you want. I'm not sure what time I'll be home." She then glanced at Shotaro, smiling. "And please, feel at home, Shotaro. We have a vacant room upstairs. Just ask Sungchan where it is."

The younger nodded, whispering a 'Yes, Mrs. Jung,' which made her laugh awkwardly. Y/N had to remind Sungchan of things, like putting his clothes in the laundry area so she could wash them tomorrow and closing the TV once they're done with video games. She laughed again when Shotaro bid farewell, mentioning Mrs. Jung when she went out the door. "Mom hates being called that."

"Your mom is hot," Shotaro exclaimed, making his friend look at him in surprise. "I mean, is she really your mom?"

"Sadly, yes, " the taller one claimed while starting the video game. “She was only sixteen when she gave birth to me." Shotaro was surprised. She was so young. If his twin sister got married and gave birth at that age, their dad would probably throw a fit. Luckily, she's past that. "Do you like my mom?"

"What?" Shotaro exclaimed, eyes wide. "No. That's weird." His friend gave him a teasing smile. "It must be nice to still have both your mom and dad."

Sungchan shrugged. He is luckier than some kids, but he wishes his parents would be together like other teenagers’ parents his age. Whenever his mom and dad are in the same room, it’s as if they don’t know each other. It's not like they never fell in love. And that is why he is scared to pursue what he calls love. “You still have your mom and dad, right?" he asked while pushing the joystick buttons in the game he and Shotaro were playing. "The ones who came to camp."

The Japanese guy giggled and shook his head. "They are my grandparents," he claimed, almost defeating Sungchan in the game. “My mom died when I was eleven, and my dad is busy with his work."

"Oh," Sungchan claimed. That's why Shotaro said that statement. Come to think of it, he is indeed luckier than most teenagers his age. "Are you an only child?"

Shotaro shook his head, claiming he has two sisters: a twin and a younger one. Sungchan stopped. A twin sister? "Do you want me to introduce you to Sachi?"

The other guy laughed, shaking his head. "I'll just imagine you with long hair. That would be weird, Sho." The Japanese guy chuckled, laughter echoing through the whole house.

Shotaro has a nice laugh. And he’s the first same-aged friend he had who doesn’t want to bang his mom. Hopefully, Shotaro would be his friend in the long run.

—-

Y/N was nervously seated inside a posh restaurant while waiting for her client. A politician and his wife are celebrating their sixty years together and throwing a small wedding party. The older woman was a darling when she came into Y/N’s boutique to check her designs, even claiming she fell in love at first sight with a blue sequined gown from her collections. A dress that she even tailored for the high-paying client. And now, she can't wait to show the older woman her upgraded design. After all her sleepless nights to finish this design, it all comes to the final pitch to the politician’s wife, so it must be perfect.

Her hands shook as she fixed the folder with her designs on the vacant chair beside her. “Hi, I’m your waiter for today, " she heard someone say before she whipped her head to where the person was standing. Her eyebrows scrunched at the familiarity. “Hi,” the guy smiled warmly before lightly chuckling, “Do you perhaps remember me?”

A giggle escaped her lips as the man she met at the convenience store poured water on her drinking glass. “Yuta? Am I right?” she muttered slowly, making him nod while smiling. “You work here?” He nodded, claiming that it was only for part-time work. He handed the menu before excusing himself when a table by his station asked for napkins.

Yuta was shaking his head, smiling to himself at the thought that he saw her again. How small is this neighbourhood for them to bump like this? She looked prettier than when he first saw her. Maybe she’s here for a date. A sigh escaped his lips. Why does it matter to him? She’s married. “I saw that,” Johnny, his co-waiter, claimed. He feigned innocence by asking what it was, but the taller guy just smiled, “You’re flirting with that hot girl on table ten.”

“I’m not,” Yuta claimed as a man entering the restaurant took their attention. He made a beeline to table ten, and the woman greeted him while standing up. Is that her husband? But he looked way older than her, with a balding head and a potbelly stomach. When she sat down, and the older man moved the vacant chair near her, Yuta made his way to the table he was stationed at.

“I can move my things, Mr. Castro,” she claimed, quickly taking her things from the vacant chair, but the older man stopped her. “Let the waiter do that. It’s his job.” The side of Yuta’s lips turned up. What a prick. Y/N just gave Yuta an apologetic look before he moved the vacant chair next to hers and moved the other chair, with her things, far from her. What does this man want? “We’ll order later.”

Yuta hated these kinds of customers the most. From what Johnny supplied, he is a politician with a high office in town. Everyone knows that he’s married, so going to the restaurant and eating dinner with a younger, hotter woman raises a few eyebrows.

And honestly, Yuta doesn’t want to think of the worst thing possible. But is she the mistress of a politician? But what about her eighteen-year-old son? Is she cheating on her husband with this politician? Or is the son the politician’s child? Is she not married? But she has a wedding ring on her finger. Yuta shook his head. This is hurting his brain. And why is he too bothered about it?

“Aren’t you going there?” Johnny asked, gesturing at table ten. Yuta glanced lightly at the man, who kept talking animatedly, and the woman, who looked uncomfortable. “I don’t think they’re here for a date.”

Yuta made his way to the table, asking what their orders were. The older man ordered the steak, and a salad for the lady, which startled the waiter. Is she only eating a salad? And why is he ordering for her? Upon closer inspection, he saw the woman moving farther from the man. His hand was on her lap as she smiled timidly at him.

Wait, is she being assaulted by this man?

Yuta kept his eyes on the people talking at table ten, making Johnny lightly nudge him while asking him what was wrong. “She looks uncomfortable, isn’t she?” There was obvious fidgeting in her actions, and how she was trying to move away from the older man made Yuta assume something was happening. “I’ll try to get her out of there. Could you ask her privately if she needed help?” Johnny only nodded as Yuta made his way to the table.

The politician glared at the waiter when he stood before their table. Both customers' eyes were on him. “Ms. Y/N,” he called, startling the woman. The manager wants to talk to you about your credit card,” Yuta continued, making the girl look at him confusedly. “It kept on declining.”

“I can pay for the…” the politician claimed before the girl stood up while shaking her head. “I’ll talk to the manager. Thank you.” She declared, standing up with her handbag while rushing to Yuta’s side. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Castro. I’ll just settle this real quick.”

The older man shook his head. “I can just pay for the meal.”

The younger girl shook her head. “I don’t want your wife to misunderstand,” she answered with a smile. “I’ll just call my husband to pay for the meal.”

The older man stood up, “We could discuss your idea later. I’ll tell my wife to call you.” The girl apologized once again before watching the politician exit the restaurant.

Knowing he was out of sight, Y/N sat back on the chair with a heavy sigh. “Are you alright?” Yuta asked, which made her nod, staring at the well-decorated table. That was so scary. “Do you need something? I could call someone.”

But she shook her head, “I’ll just take the steak he ordered, and please cancel the salad.” She claimed, breathing heavily as if trying to keep her composure. “And do you have something alcoholic that would let me drive back home?”

Yuta smiled. “I’ll check.” He took the used glass and placed a new set of glass and a plate in front of her. “I’ll be back with your order, ma’am.”

“Thank you, Yuta.” She said with a warm smile. The guy had to smile back, grinning when he turned his back on her.

“You look like a teenager with a huge crush.” Johnny teased.

Dinner was terrific, except for the little incident that happened. Y/N was now unsure how to approach Mr. Castro and his wife. But to be fair, he was the one making indecent moves on her. Her brother might be right; she should stay away from high-end clients.

The steak was tender and very juicy for its price. The virgin piña colada almost tricked her into thinking that she had a drink that night. It was a great meal, and the servers were very courteous. Maybe she’ll bring Sungchan for dinner here sometime.

A tall guy was operating the counter, but her eyes looked around for the familiar face that saved her that night. “I’m sorry, we don’t accept tips,” the man claimed, handing back her change. But they deserved it after what happened tonight.

The girl only smiled. “Then can you just please tell Yuta I said thank you?”

He smiled wide and nodded. “I’ll let him know.” She had to look for the waiter again, but in the end, she just left the restaurant.

Maybe she’ll just come back and have dinner here some other day.

Then, she could thank Yuta personally.

—--

“Yes, dad, I’m fine. I’m going home tomorrow morning.” Shotaro whispered on the phone just as a car engine could be heard. It’s probably Sungchan’s mom. Should he wake his friend up? “Take care on your way home, dad.”

The door opened as Shotaro put down his phone. Sungchan’s mom looked at him in confusion, and he greeted her with a bow. “You cannot sleep?” she asked, but Shotaro smiled while waving his hands. The room Sungchan offered was very comfortable. He claimed it was his uncle’s room whenever he visited them.

“I called my dad.” The older one nodded, placing her keys on the table. “Sungchan is already asleep.”

The girl smiled after glancing at her son’s room and nodded. “Did he buy you dinner?” He answered that they ate pizza, making the older person apologize. Wait, why is she sorry? “My son and fast food,” she claimed while shaking her head. “I’ll cook an edible breakfast for the two of you tomorrow. What would you like, Shotaro?”

This is very embarrassing. “I’ll leave early in the morning to head home.”

“Have breakfast here first; I’ll make fried rice.” He nodded, thanking her quietly. Sungchan said his mom worked in fashion retail. Does she always stay at home? It wasn't that long since Shotaro lost his mom, but it feels like he doesn’t have any idea what mothers usually do. “You should take some rest.” Shotaro nodded as he started walking upstairs, leaving Sungchan’s mom on the couch, focused on her phone.

The house feels warm even if only two people are there. Maybe that’s why he eased up on Sungchan the first time they met. He’s a very warm person, different from other cold guys their age. After spending his days with his sisters, bonding with a male his age was nice. Hopefully, Sungchan would be his friend in the long run.

—-

“You’re late!” Jungwoo noted as Y/N started putting down her binder and handbag on the table. She started apologizing while reasoning out that she had to prepare breakfast for Channie and his new friend. “Sungchan is back? Already?”

“He said his father sent him to summer camp.”

“I thought they’d spend time together.” But the girl just sighed, shaking her head. “Then what’s wrong? Did he suddenly change?”

Again, Y/N shook her head as the events earlier that morning replayed in her head. Shotaro was showing her pictures of the performance they had on camp, even surprising her that her son can sing and dance. Sungchan was even sharing that a lot of family members came and he even took pictures with Shotaro’s grandparents. When she asked why he didn’t invite her, his only answer was “I did invite dad, I thought he’d just message you.” And Y/N felt bad.

If only they were still together.

“You can’t possibly blame yourself for your falling out. You were both so young when you got married.” Jungwoo claimed, making the other sigh. “Besides, I always knew you’re too good for each other.”

Y/N had to breathe hard. She shouldn’t think much about it. They had been divorced for years now, she doesn’t even remember why she fell in love with him in the first place. She’s just thankful that he’s still active in their son’s life and co-parenting Sungchan without bothering each other.

They had obviously moved on from each other, but it’s still awkward being in the same room at once. Besides, she still considers the what if of their relationship. What if they’re still together? What if they truly loved each other? What if he chose her over his career?

The side of her lips curled up watching Jungwoo talking to two girls: a teenager and a young kid, about the dress on display. “I’m sorry, we don’t make dresses for kids,” he claimed, making the young girl pout.

What if they have another child? A daughter, perhaps?

Y/N smiled at the two girls, “Do you like the dress on display?” She pointed at the floor-length pastel rainbow dress by the shop window. The young girl nodded, claiming that she loves the color of the dress. “I can make you one.”

“Y/N!” Jungwoo called.

“But he said you don’t make dresses for kids.” The older of the two girls claimed.

The older woman nodded, “But I am the designer and maker of the dress, I can make you a dress if you really want it.” The kid’s eyes sparkled, making her grin. “Let’s go inside so we can talk about the design you want?”

Jungwoo was shaking his head as he headed to the counter, Y/N following him while the two girls settled on the lounge. “You have a lot of orders, why would you take that?”

The girl smiled at the two girls’ way. “Call it a passion project.”

“You just really want a daughter.”

“Sungchan will get mad at you if he hears that.” She said with a laugh.

Y/N was gracious in interacting with the young girl. This was her dream from the start, to open a boutique and design dresses for young girls. But the market is so cutthroat that when she got alimony money from the divorce, her brother insisted on making a boutique for older women who usually pay more. She was just sketching the dress, even considering the input of the kid who wants glitters by adding shining sequins on the body of the dress. It feels great to be working with someone who knows what she wants, unlike the other customers who can’t seem to make up their minds.

“How much will the dress cost?” The older of the girls asked, fiddling with her thumbs. “Dad gave us a specific budget for my sister’s dress.” Oh, Y/N thought that they’re mother and daughter. How adorable is it to have two daughters in a family.

The younger grinned, “It’s my seventh birthday.”

Y/N had to smile, “Don’t worry about it. It’s my gift for you.” The younger had to gasp, surprise written all over her face. She’s so cute, Y/N thought. There’s no doubt, daughters make the world brighter. “I’ll make sure that you’ll have the perfect dress for your party...” She trailed off, turning to the older for their names, but the young kid chimed in,” I’m Sakura and this is my sister, Sachiko.” Are they Japanese? She had been meeting a lot of Japanese people lately.

“I’m Y/N,” the older said with a smile. “When are you needing the dress again?”

—----

Sungchan was just amazed at how small the neighborhood was when they reached his friend’s new house. Shotaro didn’t even know where their new house is and just followed the shared location set by his dad. Once again, the person who has lived in the neighborhood all his life was startled when a young man went out of the house and his friend called him dad. He looks so young. Are parents this young already? Then maybe there isn’t much of a deal with his young mom. “Dad, this is Jung Sungchan. We met at camp and he lives in the same neighborhood.”

“You are so tall,” the older man claimed with a laugh. “I’m Yuta Nakamoto, Shotaro’s dad.” Sungchan lightly glanced at his friend. Isn’t his full name Shotaro Osaki? Why is his dad’s surname Nakamoto? “I can’t believe you got a friend before Sakura.” The guy mentioned laughed.

“Where are Kura and Sachi?”

“They went to the mall,” Yuta answered while checking his phone. “They bought clothes for Sakura’s birthday.”

Shotaro shook his head, making Sungchan confused. “We’re doing it this year?”

Yuta nodded, “What Sachi said made sense, it’s a new environment for your sister. This is her chance to make new friends.” Then his expression was gloomy, that startled Sungchan. “Besides, it’s been seven years already. We should at least celebrate Sakura’s birthday.”

The younger one nodded, “Is there anything else that I can help you with for the party, dad?”

“I still haven’t found a venue nearby for the party.”

Sungchan lightly glanced at the father-son before muttering, “I know a place.” Shotaro looked at him in question before he continued, “The neighborhood has this great clubhouse where they frequently host parties.” He then glanced at the older of the two, “I know the homeowners’ president, we can talk to her and reserve the clubhouse for Sakura’s birthday.”

Yuta nodded, “Thank you, Sungchan.” The mentioned guy grinned, making his friend smile widely.

He is very lucky to meet Sungchan.

—-------

“What do you mean you don’t want me to drive you to school?” Y/N asked dramatically. Sungchan just took a bite of his toast, staring at his mom deadpan. “It’s your first day.”

He nodded, “It’s nothing serious, mom. I just want to ride the bus with Shotaro.”

But the older girl pouted. “I always drive you to your first day classes, though.”

“That was when I was younger.” The disdain on the older’s face can be seen immediately, which made Sungchan chuckle. “It really isn’t a big deal, mom.” He whispered, “Shotaro is new in town and I want to show him the academy.” The older woman just stared at him. “Please, mom.”

With a heavy sigh, Y/N nodded. “And it’s not because of those puppy eyes, you’re too old for that.” Sungchan laughed, hugging his mom from behind. “When did you become taller than me?”

“I’ve always been taller than you.” He claimed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “It’s because I always ate with your love.”

The older rolled her eyes. “You’re exactly like your dad, it’s annoying.” She started getting some cash from her purse. “Additional money for your bus rides and eat some snacks with Shotaro.”

His hug got tighter. “I’m sorry but you know I love you, right?”

Y/N had to smile at that. Although Sungchan had grown taller, he’s still the same sweet little kid she took care of for years. “I know, I know. You’ll be late if you don’t hurry up.” The younger guy smiled widely, taking the cash she gave and his bag while muttering an ‘I love you’ as he ran outside their house.

She sighed once she was alone. Y/N was well aware that her son is growing up, but when did it all happen? He doesn’t want her to drive him to school. He drank her coffee instead of the glass of orange juice she prepared for him.

Y/N heavily sighed. She badly missed it when Sungchan was still a young boy.

“You should start dating,” Jungwoo claimed, drinking his iced coffee while watching her stare at the rainbow dress for the young client girl. What? All of a sudden? “It’s not too late to have a child once again.” Y/N shook her head while laughing. That’s not it. She does miss taking care of a young child, but she doesn’t want to go through the whole childbirth again. That was the hardest time of her life. “Or maybe just date a single dad.” The thought made her stare at Jungwoo in surprise. What the hell is that idea?

Y/N shook her head. Jungwoo is so weird.

—

Y/N had never seen a party with this many kids before. Sakura may have invited all the kids in the neighborhood just for her birthday party. How cute. Maybe her parents are incredibly wealthy for pulling this party for her. “Y/N,” the president of the homeowners greeted her with a wide grin on her face. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“Is this the party you were talking about?” she asked, and the older woman nodded. “The birthday celebrant is a client in my boutique.”

The other woman fixed her hair, “The dad is such a handsome guy. You should definitely meet him.” Y/N chuckled. She had already found it weird that the president had been bugging her to go to this children’s party. This was what it was all about? So they could talk about the handsome new dad in the neighborhood? Truly, the married women in this place are a different breed that only makes her laugh.

“Mom!” she heard Sungchan say, running to where she was. Shotaro, who was following close behind, even greeted her. Wait, why is Sungchan and Shotaro here? “What are you doing here?” She should be asking him the same question. “This is Shotaro’s younger sister’s birthday.”

Wait, it clicks now. Sakura is Shotaro’s younger sister. No doubt she’s been meeting a lot of Japanese people in town lately. Then it only means that Sachiko is also Shotaro’s sister. That adorable girl. Maybe that’s why Sungchan is hanging out so much with his new friend. But wait, is this how small the world is that she’s discovering this in one birthday party?

Maybe, the world is indeed small. When Shotaro called for his dad who was greeting the guests, Y/N almost gasped at the man smiling at her. Yuta is Shotaro’s dad? Yuta is Sakura and Sachiko’s dad? Yuta is the handsome dad that all the married women in the neighborhood wanted to meet? “You know each other?” It was the president of the homeowners who asked that question. Both Sungchan and Shotaro were staring at them in curiosity.

“We bumped into each other a couple of times before,” Yuta answered curtly, making Y/N nod. “It was nice to see you again, Y/N.” The other smiled, greeting him the same way as he greeted her before he excused himself to greet his children’s grandparents.

Sungchan gave his mom a questionable stare that made her glare. “What?” But he just shook his head, laughing to himself. Weird kid.

The party is really amazing, Y/N had to note. If she was a kid, she would have a blast. Maybe their family is very wealthy to afford this huge rainbow unicorn themed birthday celebration with the younger kids in the neighborhood. The food came out and the bouncy house designed on one side of the clubhouse is such a haven for the kids. When the clown came, the children’s squealing was heard all over the place. He started entertaining the kids with games, making the adults laugh at the antics of everyone in the party.

“You really made Sakura’s dress?” Sungchan asked his mom, seated next to her. He had been munching on the ice cream for a while now. The older woman just nodded, staring at the birthday girl as her sequined dress glittered against the lights of the venue. “It’s really pretty.”

The girl grinned. “Do you want me to make one?” The teenage boy laughed wholeheartedly.

There was a shift in the kids as the clown changed the game to the traditional ‘Bring Me’. It was light things at first: a coin, a tube of red lipstick, and even car keys. The kids were very chaotic, making the older women on the same table as Y/N laugh.

“Now,” the clown started making the kids silent for a moment. “I want you to bring me the prettiest mom.”

Sungchan lightly nudged Y/N, “Mom, I should bring you there.” The older woman just laughed at her son. "Then maybe I can get those huge lollipops." Y/N laughed so loud that it made Sungchan chuckle. Her son might be crazy.

Sakura came running towards their table and Y/N thought that her mom was there. Maybe one of the women in the same table as hers was Yuta’s wife. Come to think of it, she had never seen her in the party. “Auntie,” The birthday girl called, holding her hand. “Come on.” Y/N was just surprised. Why her? Shouldn’t it be her mom? But she only stood up and let Sakura drag her to where the clown is.

“I said prettiest mom, not prettiest sister.” The clown corrected.

Y/N had to smile at that. What is this weird scenario? “I am a mom.” She corrected, leaving the host surprised. When he asked where among the elementary school kids is her child, she pointed at the tall guy on the side waving his hand. He even exclaimed how young she looked. “I get that a lot.”

“Do we agree that she is the prettiest mom out there?” He asked the crowd who only cheered on her but Y/N shook her head. There’s no way. There are other moms of these little kids who are prettier than her. Surely, the birthday girl’s mom is way prettier than her. “Do we think she’s the prettiest mom, Sakura’s dad?”

Yuta looked surprised at the mention of his name before standing up and giving a thumbs up. The man seated next to him has a wide smile on his face and Y/N remembered him as the tall guy from the restaurant. The clown gave both her and Sakura a giant rainbow lollipop which she handed to her son as she returned to her table. “I told you you’re the prettiest mom here,” Sungchan whispered, removing the wrapper of the lollipop.

That was weird.

But what’s weirder is, where is Sakura’s mom?

The kids were playing on the bouncy house and Y/N watched as Sungchan towered over them with his height. Sakura had forced him to watch her play in the bouncy house. Will her son like it if he gets a younger sibling? But Y/N prevented herself from laughing by biting her lip. As if she’ll have another child.

“Y/N,” she heard someone call before that person sat on where Sungchan was sitting earlier. Yuta. “I haven’t thanked you for making Sakura’s dress. She loves it so much, she might sleep wearing it.” The girl chuckled. She was glad. It was the first time that she made clothes for younger girls, so it makes her heart happy that her effort is appreciated. “I’ll pay you for the dress.”

The girl shook her head. “It’s my gift for Sakura.” Her gaze then fell on Sachiko who was standing next to Sungchan and talking to Shotaro. “I even offered Sachiko if she wanted me to make the same dress but she declined.” It was Yuta’s turn to laugh, as expected of his eldest daughter.

“Sachi hates dresses.” Y/N nodded. She looked very laidback in her jeans and shirt but it perfectly suits her. She's very pretty. “Maybe because she grew up always pairing with her twin brother.”

The girl’s eyes widened at that. “Shotaro and Sachiko were twins?” Her gaze was on Shotaro then at Sachiko. “Oh yeah, they look alike.” Yuta chuckled which made her gasp. “Oh my God, your wife is amazing, Yuta. How did she give birth two times in one night?”

There was a faint smile on Yuta’s lips which Y/N caught. “She is.”

“Where is she?”

“The thing is,” he started then breathed heavily. “She died giving birth to Sakura.” Y/N had to cover her mouth in surprise. What Sachiko said back in the store made sense, that she wants this birthday to be perfect for her sister.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N mumbled. “That must be tough.” Yuta chuckled. “But this birthday party is amazing, Yuta. The best I’ve ever been.”

A laugh erupted on Yuta’s lips that surprised Y/N. He’s so carefree. It looks good on him. The married women in the neighborhood were right, he is handsome. “Thank you, Y/N.” He whispered then held his hand high. She gave her a high five but he interlocked their fingers together. “Thank you for making Sakura’s birthday special.” She grasped his hand, shaking it. “And I think I’ll be seeing you more often.”

What? “Why is that?”

He lightly glanced at the bouncing house where Sakura is talking to the crouched Sungchan. “Because I think my Sakura has a huge crush on Sungchan.” Y/N had to giggle at the observation. That is so cute.

“Don’t worry. I won’t be an evil mother-in-law.” Yuta laughed.

Part Two

#yuta #yuta nakamoto #nct yuta #nct yuta nakamoto #dad yuta #yuta x y/n #nakamoto yuta #yuta fluff #yuta nakamoto fluff #nakamoto yuta fluff

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titania-sleeps · 10 months ago

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ARGHHH i can't choose!! i love all house husband though!!

i'm glad you do hehe... i devise and plot deviously just for them bc they deserve it. i do wonder if people enjoy meaner readers vs. loving readers; I'll release both eventually but the two of them have such a different dynamic. the normal sub house husband is a bit more assertive and a brat, while the inadequate one just really really wants you to love him and only him... but in like a pathetic way.

here's a little snippet of what i had for them (i think the initial draft for both dated around 2022...)! as a note, my ideas may seem to blend in w some of my other works simply bc i didn't bother making them too distinct from each other, but i'll edit it to become more cohesive when i post in full in the future :D

warning: mild nsfw, dom reader (implied afab), minors DNI pls

Submissive House Husband Yandere x Independent Strong Reader

He is undone by you, a knot slipping apart. Seams unraveling, hair untangling, his entire vessel breathing erratically. Your nails grazing his skin erupt whispers of flames, dancing and swimming to his face. You thumb his cheek, tenderly and softly. You are never tender with him, at least not to such an extent.

His excitement grows, but he fears to open his eyes. He fears that if he opens his eyes, he will peer too far into your thoughts. And he knows that you are not thinking of him, even when you let your kind lips leave little love marks on his face.

"Why won't you look at me?" you ask, your voice like a pleasant temptation to his ears. It slithers slyly into his brain, and like a command, his eyes flutter open.

"Good," you purr. A praise. He cannot stop the shy grin from stamping itself onto his lips.

"You don't..." he pauses, wondering if he should continue. You stop and look at him, giving him your full attention. Shying under your gaze, he mutters, "You don't do this to anyone else... right?"

Your laugh echoes back at him, as though mocking him, but it is not unkind. Your thumb presses against his upper lip. "No. You are my husband, are you not?"

His face lights up in bright pink. How could he doubt you? Oh no, you look disappointed. Frantically, he nods his head.

"Yes, I am yours," he responds quickly. You hum in satisfaction, leaning in for a gentle peck. But you leave too soon, much too soon.

Hungry for the saccharine taste of your lips, he wraps his arms around your neck and brings you in closer. Closer and closer, so that the lining of your lip becomes a perfect match with his. So close, to the point that your tongue is melted into his, and your needy flesh encase upon another.

He seeks for you with the vigor of a beast, no longer quite the same timid house pet he once was. As you pull away for a breath of air, he whines. Just a moment without your lips is painful for him.

The eyes that peer down on him are now focused, like a trained sniper on their target. His body shivers; now your attention is wholly on him. Now you are looking at him.

You are truly divine. You are a goddess sent from above to smite him for his sins, for loving you far too much. He can only beg by your feet, day by day, pleading for a single audience with you. He just wants to please you, to become something that relieves you from strife and suffering. And to think that his goddess is now looking at him, just him! Only him!

The sound of silk slipping off jolts him from his daze. His eyes trail the discarded piece of clothing; a snake slithering its way up to an iridescent apple. The soft gleam of your skin meets his own eyes, and the sight breathes life into his fingers.

"Not yet," you say, a wonderful smile presented to him on your countenance.

[To be continued...]

Inadequate Submissive House Husband Yandere x Loving Reader

His wife is everything he has ever wanted in his life. You are beautiful and kind; forgiving whenever he makes a mistake and even patient she he does. And he always does. You are so lovely, he cannot help but want to be with you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever—

But he can't. He knows he can't, and it hurts so much, because he knows that he is useless. Deep down, he has already realized that you are only keeping him around because you pity him, not because you love him.

He wants to do better for you, but his abilities are limited to very little. He wishes that his love is enough to satiate you, but he is far too well aware of your disappointment in him. If he is lucky, you will not divorce him in the next year or two.

♡♡♡

Oh, your sweet, foolish husband. Always so patient, always so soft. Demure mannerisms and shy mumbles cloud his true worth. He may bumble and stumble about like a newborn doe on two legs, but his demeanor and intellect are worth far more. Yet only you are allowed to know this, and it is something you intend to keep locked up in your little treasure box of secrets.

Although he should most definitely refrain from doing housework.

[To be continued...]

ty for reading if you made it this far!!

-> masterlist

#sub yandere #dom reader #dom!reader #sub!yandere #male yandere #yandere #soft yandere #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere male #yandere insert #yandere boy #titania-answers #x reader #oc x reader #male yandere x reader

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apparemarch · 3 months ago

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Ahem... hopefully no one saw that my previous draft of this event posted HOWEVER! Welcome to Kleon's 1000+ event! We are all so joyous to come together and celebrate this milestone. This is my fourth editing account starting from scaralogy / luvaster following up with theater-of-lies && hetyuri / yaoitistic / (og) hisivan and now newgod!!!

I decided to make a prompt based event; you must complete four days to be considered for a prize. However the winners will be decided by the wheel, so that It's all fair. I am once again joyous that I reached this milestone my heart is beating so fast oh goodness gracious. The tag for my event to use so I can see everyone's edits easier is #fuuthousand

Below will be more info but I'd like to get the taglist out of the way... ; @l4verdoe @eimimiwq @ethereabun @rrozeta @ubelaces @infectedrpd @princefrail @analogveil @delicaqe @doliimu @fluemashi @hyunina (hi elle) @kurodel @lovestis @lenqkeju @xxrosemixx @nomkiwi @mizuru1 @magirical @kiochisato @lavendergalactic ++ anyone else who'd like to c:

OKAY SO event runs from march 31st to april 12th. Sorry if I sound rushed I've remade this like 3 times and Tumblr won't save this drafts... But! For the prompts, there are 5 prompts but you can choose from two of them! So, here are the prompts :

day O1﹔Character that reminds you of your past self OR Edit themed around your favourite song!

day O2﹔Comfort character OR Character with liminal space vibes! ^_^

day O3﹔Character that reminds you of me OR Character that's a real failboy/failgirl!

day O4﹔Free day! <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>

day O5﹔First character that was your theme OR Character edited in the 2022-2023 editblr style! :3

Yayy!!! As for prizes, there are none. 🙄 /j Okay jokes aside, I've been trying to math the prizes. So hopefully my math is right!!!! Prize list thumbs up :

1st place﹔1 rentry template, 1 layout set (tumblr), 1 icons set, 1 graphics set, a bunch of stamps + 1 psd coloring.

2nd place﹔1 layout set, 2 psd colorings, 1 graphics set, stamps, 1 rentry template

3rd place﹔1 graphics set, 1 icons set, 1 psd coloring

( layout set includes : 3 icons, 3 banners, 3 pinned posts )

( icons set includes : 9 icons. 3-3-3 set up, every row is always done different. )

( graphic set includes : 5 graphics )

And that's really. it. Unless if you want to read more of me yapping in which case, be my guest. Honestly I never thought I'd reach 1000 followers at all. I've always felt like my edits were a little below average and it's just so... thank you everyone!!! Thank you for following me!!! Thank you for perhaps doing my event and thank you for everything. ♡♡♡ I'm so overjoyed oughhhh.... 💔

#➸　　promo #✦⠀⠀posts #fuuthousand #editblr #edit event #promo post #rentryblr #ugh wtf do I tag this as.#my event

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kanmom51 · 11 months ago

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Like Crazy - new insights

*This is a reposting of my latest reblog due to issues with that specific post.

***This has been sitting in my drafts since April 2023!!!

This is the post I reblogged and the basis to my own post.

Yep. I had some of a post written way back in April 2023, but the pieces just didn't come all together for me.

After Muse's release and specifically after the BTB yesterday where JM discussed Who, Muse and the lyrics, we also saw the change made to Who's lyrics from "you" to "she" things started to clear up for me. But then, a friend also shared a picture of the original lyrics of Like Crazy, which were subsequently altered before recording. We discussed these changes and I now feel that this is it! This is the missing piece to my post.

I mostly left what I wrote over a year ago in tact, adding the missing pieces to this puzzle that makes this post with what I feel is a little more insight into Like crazy.

Needless to say, these are my opinions, how I see the lyrics, the ones that made the cut and the ones that stayed in JM's lyrics journal.

So, let's get started:

Here I was thinking I'm the only one who was seeing this...

I do hope I'm reading this right, before going off motormouth about something that maybe isn't what is being said, but to hell with it, this is something I've been thinking too and I'm just gonna come out and say it.

We're all over 18 here right?

This is a subject we can talk about?

The more I listen to this song, the more I think it to be true too.

First of all, before starting off, I want to link this ask:

**Shock and awe... "she" wasn't part of the original lyrics for Like Crazy . Colour me surprised to learn the same is true with Who (even though JM didn't actually write the song himself). Oh, and if we are on that subject already, how not surprising to see the process of writing the song with John Billion, who happens to be one of the writers of SNTY as well (me sitting here thinking of several words and references that could have been somehow suggested and inserted into the song. No idea who (nah, I'm telling lies, I know exactly who). How shocking (NOT) to see that the artist actually had input with the song lyrics of which he is not credited in writing.

Again, the depth of the song, the layers to the song and the multiple interpretations too.

JM told us this song is about him struggling. He told us he was going through a period where he was drinking too much. He was finding fulfillment in ways other than performing, as performing is part of him, he is a performer, someone who needs the stage to express himself. The stage is where he is at peace, the stage being a piece of him that he was missing.

We saw his outburst of emotions in the first day of MOTS ON:E (that was my first experience of BTS and he literally broke my heart - and later seeing him being mocked for it infuriated me).

This was October 2020, around 6 months into the pandemic. The uncertainty. This is their first online performance and from there until Muster another 9 months go by. We know from Festa 2022 that the pandemic screwed up all of their plans. The uncertainty, working on and releasing BE and then Butter and PTD everything leading up to the PTD online concert, a year after MOTS ON:E. For those that performing is their life, standing in front of an audience and giving it their all, it's a hard pill to swallow. The unknown, if they will ever get back to perform on stage in front of a live audience, when this is who they are, their essence, it can be unbearable. JM wasn't the only performer to go through this. It's just that he shared this with us. He showed us his pain and vulnerability and was mocked for it by many. Shame on them!!!

So, again, JM told us with Like Crazy, that he was filling in that hole. Alcohol was mentioned by him specifically. But listening to the song, I think it's quite clear that sex was a very big part of it as well. Looking for that rush, that high. It's clear as day, for me anyway, in the lyrics.

(I think we could last forever I'm afraid that everything will disappear Just trust me)

[Verse 1] She's saying Baby, don't think about it There's not a bad thing here tonight Baby, you can leave it Stay with me until today

[Verse 2] Watch me go Wet me all night (Away) And morning too Don't come if you're drunk

In this loud music It fades me It's a drama-like story I'm get used to it Have you come far to find me that you used to know? Yeah, I know You know, I know (Ooh)

[Chorus] I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Interlude] Mmm-hmm Yeah, hey Mmm-hmm Ooh-woah Mmm-hmm Mmm-hmm (Forever, you and I)

[Verse 3] Me reflects in the mirror I'm going crazy without hesitation I'm feelin' so alive, wasting time

I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Outro] This will break me This is gonna break me (Break me) No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Those are the lyrics he recorded.

But you see, there were changes made to the lyrics he was working on originally, and we got to see some of them.

This specifically:

Reading this draft and the final ones there are a few things that just fall into place for me (and I'd think for anyone that reads them), loud and clear:

First of all, obviously JM is singing about drinking too much alcohol. If the final lyrics hinted to losing himself in alcohol, the draft lyrics are ever so clear regarding that point.

Second of all, the sex. I think JM was pretty straight forward using the wording he was using. "Give me a good ride" can be other things, if you twist it around to try and explain it away, but bottom line, those lines within the context of the lines in the draft, like "just go turn off the light, you and me..." not to mention the whole chorus, to me the reference is obvious.

Next, I talked about the many references to JK in this song in this post:

This is all also relevant when it comes to my next point being the fact that to me it's clear that JM wrote this song referencing a special someone with whom he shares a high level of intimacy. A special someone that was there by his side when JM was struggling. A special someone that was struggling seeing JM going through everything he was.

To that person JM wrote (in the draft): "oh baby don't you cry, just wanna see your smile..."

These lines, they were too much. Too obvious. Too intimate. And they were left out probably because of just that.

So JM went with other lines. A little less obvious perhaps, and yet still very telling. The finale of the song:

No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Now, you could claim that the song is about an inner struggle. JM struggling with himself, talking to himself, and yes, that could very much be part of the message JM, the king of layering, is going for. But see, that's exactly the point. JM is the king of layering, of having several meanings and messages within his lyrics and creations. And this is not different. There is no mistaking the reference to another person, not JM himself, in the lyrics. The way he uses the "you" in the lyrics, at times could pass as you being the alcohol, at times the you being himself in the mirror, but at times it's clearly a third party he is talking to. Especially in that finale to the song, that someone that wants to lift him out of that stupor he is in, to wake him up, to save him, when he is unwilling, not ready to accept that help just yet (same person he asks not to cry, knowing that he is making them sad). There are also the clear JK references in this song. The "you are me I am you" being the loudest of them all.

But JM being JM, he showed us in his own way what this song was about, opening up and allowing us to see his drafts.

And then he gave us Letter. Hidden, and private and intimate. Addressed not to us, but to that person that was always there by his side, that person he addresses in Like Crazy telling him "forever you and I". Now, in Letter, being in a better, healthier place, he can repeat the sentiment of them together forever. A sentiment JK had mentioned in the past (omg, that was so very awkward).

And now using lines like : "I sincerely hope we are forever" and "But don’t forget that we’re always together"...

The lyrics, the sentiments, the drafted lyrics that never made it, like the use of "Dangshin", I have talked about it all. Letter was for JK. Period.

When seeing Like Crazy again, the lyrics, the struggle, the person by his side, the intimacy, and Letter, I'm kind of thinking that not only is Letter a love ode to JK. That is stating the obvious. But it's also JM's acknowledgement and thank you to that person that stood by his side in his most difficult of times.

JK.

Bottom line:

Like crazy is about JM struggling and self medicating with alcohol and sex.

It's personal about himself, his struggles, but also includes a person that is there by his side, one he is highly intimate with, one who is there with him together. That person is there, spending the nights with him, in that escape world JM created for himself. Sad seeing JM struggle, trying to find a way to help JM out of that pit but being unable to do so, staying by JM's side all the same.

We know who that person is.

Same person he addresses Letter to.

#Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jungkook #Jimin #JM #JK #JM Like Crazy #JM Letter #Jikook Letter #Jikook Like Crazy

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intimidaid · 1 month ago

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the old cnscs can't come to the phone right now... “why”?

...because she's dead.

the new intimidaid blog intro!!

you can call me by my username, or you can call me isa, or izz(y), or any of my other nicknames, or just make a new nickname for me. i don't care what you call me!! i love nicknames. just call me ;>

buzzwords: she/they, bi, capricorn, feminist, pro lgbtqia+, 🕓 UTC+2/CEST

i've been on tumblr since september 2024, on a different account, lurking around shiftblr and loablr. just liking posts, never commenting or reblogging. i always kept any important posts in my drafts so i wouldn't lose them, but it got unorganised so i figured i'd just make a separate blog to repost things there— here, this blog. that makes this blog partially an archive of all shifting/manifesting advice, shifting/manifesting motivation, and shifting/manifesting success stories that i thought were helpful. but things change, and i talk a lot about my mha dr as well now.

i've been trying to shift on and off since early 2021. i've shifted quite a few times before (including to this reality, i'm not from here originally, hi!), but i won't be talking about how to shift much, since i don't really consider myself a guru(?). i do have my own shifting method that's been working well for me.

i started getting into manifestation in 2022, and i've manifested a lot by now. a lot of my manifesting successes were using subliminals and assuming it'd work/it was certain i'd get what i wanted. i've tried repeating affirmations, but those methods never worked for me, so i decided to learn more about the law of assumption, and i've been getting amazing results ever since.

ASKS !! ARE !! OPEN !! ASK ANYTHING YOU WANT & I'LL REACT !! I GIVE ADVICE; PEEP THE #cnscs advice TAG !! DMS !! ARE !! OPEN !! PLEASE TALK TO ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT !! ABOUT SHIFTING/DRS ESPECIALLY, I LOVE RANTING ABOUT MY DR AND SEEING OTHERS DO THE SAME !!

#cnscs talks does not make sense anymore after the username change but these are posts in which i (predictably) talk. #cnscs success contains my manifesting and shifting success stories

#mha dr are posts about my main dr, otherwise known as "japan highschool (gossip girl x mean girls x victorious x akb48 x iz*one x no good nick x legally blonde x ginny & georgia x the babysitters club x gilmore girls x mha x blue period) dr" (fusion drs are life). it has a lot of lore, but its masterlist covers the basics. you can add yourself to it through this link

#dr ideas are posts about random ideas for drs i want to make but haven't scripted. think of these are dr drabbles rather than fully-fledged dr scripts.

i do have other drs but i never talk about them... my main mha dr, with all the messiness and the fusions and the several different media stolen, is my home, and it's the only dr i feel strongly about. feel free to ask about other drs though

siigghh. yeah. i do have opinions on shifters who don't use the same race as in their "original" reality. yeah, i did share them. yeah, you can have the link to it. other hot takes are listed under #my hot take (the hill i will die on)

💟 in remembrance of the @/cnscs brand and the old blog intro that came w/ it 💟

a/n: i've edited the most important posts to have working links, but if you click any links to/on my blog that don't work, replace "cnscs" in the link with "intimidaid" and it'll work. quick fix, next to no effort. feel free to let me know when a link breaks & i'll fix it

#cnscs talks #blog intro #shifting blog #loa blog #manifesting blog #blog introduction #reality shifting #loa tumblr #shifting #desired reality #reality shifting community #shifting community #reality shifter #mha shifter #bnha shifter #kpop shifter #shifting antis dni #mha dr #mha shifting

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sy-on-boy · 2 years ago

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(Potentially) new information from the Spy x Family exhibit book!

Okay, I’ve done some digging around and not gonna lie, some information in there has me excited. I can’t read Japanese so I took photos and put them through translate, so it’s not the most accurate, and please take this post with a grain of salt. Here we go!

Translations are more than welcome! Feel free to use these photos and feel free to DM me for clearer photos. I would also love to know what this all means haha. Japanese “raw” text is taken from Google translate and may be inaccurate to what is actually shown in the photos.

✩ The SxF world apparently has no Christmas!

I’ve heard claims of it, and here’s a picture I took.

“遠藤達哉先生コメント

こちらは冬の休載イラストです。電飾一個一個を北斗神拳ばりに連打して描きました。クリスマスっぽい雰囲気を出していますが、『SPY×FAMILY』の世界にクリスマスはありません。”

Google translate tells me that there’s no Christmas in the SxF world but he tried to create a Christmas-like atmosphere? Not sure but it would align with other people’s claims.

✩ Yuri apparently had a girlfriend in a rough draft!

This is Endo’s handwriting so the machine can’t recognise the words easily, but I think the woman in the bottom of Yuri’s sheet is his “girlfriend”? And Google translate tells me she’s Yuri’s “weakness” and Twilight might use her against Yuri / take advantage of the girlfriend? This is a very interesting idea that didn’t get used in canon (yet?). I think in canon, Yuri is popular but he’s too devoted to his sister. A new significant other of a prominent character would shake things up. Especially when it comes to Yuri, a member of the SSS.

By the way, Yuri’s potential designs are kind of cool. I like the ponytail.

✩ Apparently “Oscar” was one of Twilight’s potential names! + Early Twilight designs

I think we know Yor was originally short for Yorlanda (this is in the upper sheet). There’s a whole list of names beside Twilight and the name Oscar オスカー appeared frequently. There are also more names that I can’t decipher.

✩ Designs of some potential WISE agents! (And early Fiona)

Fiona’s sheet (next to Yuri’s) was titled “WISE spy (female)” and now we have a sheet titled “WISE spy (male)”. Was Fiona a placeholder spy that made it to the main cast? Or will this “male spy” end up having significance too? The two smaller heads at the left are apparently Twilight’s associates. Also, a Melinda sketch. Not gonna lie, the male spy feels kinda cute. Hope he’s not completely scrapped.

✩ Endo’s interview!

I feel like I should put this earlier but I was distracted with the Christmas / Yuri’s potential girlfriend thing. This is at the very end of the book. Apparently Endo was influenced by the invasion of Ukraine in 2022. This interview was apparently taken in March 2023. I think it’s fairly important so I’ll wait for a proper translation before saying anything else.

✩ Comments on Donovan, Melinda, Redacted, and Sylvia!

These two pages are together and I found it significant because Endo discusses the SxF themes. (My notes are not direct translations.) Apparently:

Sylvia’s scene in Mission 20 is Endo’s favourite scene, and he was looking at materials related to war for a long time and wondered if he could make use of it. [JP below]

とてもお気に入りのシーンです。「SPY×FAMILY」の連載とは関係無し昔から戦争に関する資料は色々見ていたので、多少はこの作品にも活かせているのかなーと。

Donovan’s statement of “in the end, people will never understand each other” (rough paraphrase) is the theme of the work. And Endo wanted to create a feeling of Donovan being the final boss. He didn’t plan on arranging it from the beginning, but he thinks the Desmonds are a good contrast to the Forgers. (Does this mean the Forgers think people will understand each other?) [JP below]

作品のテーマでもあるセリフですね。少しでもドノバンのラスボス感を醸し出せればいいなーと思いながら描きました。最初から意図して配置したわけではないですが、デスモンド家はフォージャーと良い対比になっているのかなと思います

The chapters on Twilight’s past coincided with the anime so Endo thought it was a good idea to explore Twilight’s past. [JP below]

アニメが始まるタイミングなのもあって、黄昏〉という人物を掘り下げる良い機会かなと思い過去編を入れました。あまり重たくなりすぎないように、でも伝えたいことは最低限伝えられるように、自分なりにバランスを取って描いたつもりです。

Melinda is described as “friendly” (?) even though she is dignified. A positive description of Melinda… interesting. What’s also interesting is that after she learns that Yor is the mother of the child who got into a fight with Damian, she “shows interest”. Melinda, what do you want with Anya? [JP below]

ダミアンの母で、東国元首相夫人。気品に溢れつつも、気さくな性格。ヨルが息子と喧嘩したアーニャの母親と知り、興味を示している。

I personally think these two pages contain hints about the mystery of the featured characters and would love to know what it means :D

✩ Early Yor and Bond!

There’s a lot more Yor but again the image limit is constricting me. I really like the Bond designs, they’re funny and he’s just a chonky little boi :)

✩ Comments on the panel of Twilight’s head in Yor’s lap!

“珍しいイチャイチャシーンです。ヨルさんは一年中酔っ払ってればいいのに”

Which apparently means: “a rare flirting (?) scene, I wish Yor was drunk all year long”

?!??! Twiyor?!! Hello!! I cannot resist mentioning this one, this is one of my favourite Twiyor / SxF scenes. Are we gonna get more drunk Yor? More Twiyor? More flirting? I’m excited now.

I’ve reached the image limit, so here’s all for this post for now! Translations are totally welcome and again I would love to know what this all means. I’m sorry if I accidentally said misleading information, so please tell me so I can correct it. Once again, don’t take my words as complete fact. The Yuri girlfriend thing is really surprising to me haha.

#spy x family #spy x family exhibition #yor forger #loid forger #yuri briar #fiona frost #bond forger #donovan desmond #sylvia sherwood #melinda desmond #twiyor #i guess. that comment seems shippy to me #long post

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violetclynewriting · 1 month ago

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Hi Yall! Long time no see I've been very busy with school and getting this script done! This is the final draft of the movie script. Major edits have been done, new scenes added and some old scenes taken out. This is the full version, I'm posting this because there are some major things I am planning to do with this script....

So major updates are to be discussed with the script:

I am now planning on turning BST into a TV SERIES!!!! After doing some edits and deciding that- this is way too long for just a movie and wanting to explore all of the character more- I thought the best option would be to turn this into a series. I am planning on our story in Bluffdale Utah to be about 8 60 minute episodes, with each episode from the perspective of a different character. The series will be an anthology. With each season centering a different place in America during a different year. I really love American culture, history, youth culture, and playing around with sociological theories in relation to all of those things. So, each season will essential be a different coming of age in a different place and time with different characters.

Here are my ideas for seasons so far:

GOD: BST, focusing on a small town in Utah. Religion, sexuality, gender expectation, and not talking about the big things.

BRUTALITY: 2012 Oregon seaside town. What it means to hurt, to be hurt, what evil is, how evil is made, how everyone contributes to victimization.

EVERYTHING: 2022 rural Wisconsin. The internet, isolation, political extremism, and self hate.

HIRAETH: 2018 Portland Oregon. Poverty, homelessness, family.

YOUR OWN WORLD: 2007 New York City. economic ladder, sexuality, your 20s, class systems, meeting your own expectations.

I will plan on posting a bit more as I'm making the TV bible and hopefully y'all can give me some feedback with everything! Thank you all for loving this project as much as I do. I hope y'all are excited to see some more of the other BST characters!! Let me know what character episodes y'all are most excited to hear about because I will be posting about them!

#writing #screenplay #screenwriting

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elizabethwydevilles · 1 year ago

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Padme, during RotS development

One thing to understand is that for the first several months of pre-production, George Lucas is still writing the script (pre-production started roughly around late April of 2002, with the first draft of the script finished in late January 2003. To quote Paul Duncan: 'before the script was written, the design team were given the freedom to imagine possible scenarios', and Rick McCallum: 'usually no one would go off and spend millions of dollars without understanding what the very foundation of the film they're making is, but we break that very rule of film production'.

Sources for this post are The Art of Revenge of the Sith by J. W. Rinzler (2005), The Making of Revenge of the Sith by J. W. Rinzler (2005) and The Star Wars Archives, 1999-2005 by Paul Duncan (2020).

It's also going to be a long ass post, so see under the cut.

June 7-21 2002(?): Ryan Church painted a battle scene: 'What if a bunch of bad guys were attacking Padme and the clones who were trying to get back to their ship?'

August 2002: While revieving costume designs, GLucas indicated that Padme will need senatorial, casual and action wear.

October 12th, 2002: 'For the first time, it is rumoured that Padmé might die in this film. She might be seen last on Alderaan.'

October 25th-31st, 2002: In response to GLucas requesting a new locale for a Padme and Anakin 'love scene', Erik Tiemens designed several Naboo sceneries. Upon viewing them, GLucas moved the scene to Coruscant; some design elements are used for Kashyyyk.

October, 2002: Iain McCaig designed costumes for Padme. Note the bird of prey.

October 2002: While designing the world of Kashyyyk, Erik Tiemens painted a scene of Padme walking with wookies. (Note: Image is a cropped version of the full art work)

November 1st-8th, 2002: Iain McCaig: 'George said there might be a scene where Padme's doubled over in agony and Yoda is there unable to help her'.

November 22nd, 2022: Erik Tiemens designed a set of new locations for Padme and Anakin 'love scene' on Coruscant.

December 19th, 2002: Erik Tiemens: 'I was brainstorming with Iain [McCaig] and he thought that Padme might have a dagger in her hand'.

December 20th, 2002: Derek Thompson illustrated his idea of having Vader find Padme and the children, who are being protected by Jedi.

January 31st 2003: GLucas delivered the first rough draft to his producer Rick McCallum. The outline given in the book is brief, but Padme's basic storyline in the 55 page script appears no different. However, Anakin's nightmare about Padme features her consumed by flames, and Padme goes to Mustafar with her handmaidens and Captain Typho - who are gunned down by clones on arrival.

February 6th, 2003: Erik Tiemens designed a piece of concept art for Padme's funeral procession.

April 12th/13th 2003: GLucas presented the first official draft of the movie script. It's 111 pages long. Padmé and her entourage are still attacked on their arrival on Mustafar, but this time by droids whom Anakin defeats. In regards to Padme's death, Palpatine tells Vader that a Jedi murdered her.

May 5th, 2003: Iain McCaig's designed Padme's funeral outfit.

May 24th, 2003: Erik Tiemens illustrated Padme and Anakin's farewell before he leaves for Mustafar.

May 29th, 2003: Erik Tiemens illustrated Padme watching the Jedi temple burn.

June 13th 2003: GLucas presented the second official draft of the movie script. It's 135 pages long. Anakin's nightmare of Padmé is changed from her being consumed by flames, to her dying in childbirth. There is now a scene where Palpatine suggests to Anakin that Obi-Wan is meeting with Padmé secretly. In regards to Padme's actual death, Palpatine tells Vader that he [Vader] murdered her, just as in the movie. Just like the finished movie, it is noted that Padme dies of a broken heart. Padme's final smile at Leia is noted to be the smile that Leia remembers in RotJ.

June 26th, 2003: The fourth draft of the script is completed, consisting of 129 pages. Padme is no longer accompanied to Mustafar by Typho and her handmaidens.

June 30th, 2003: Principal photography begins.

July 2nd, 2003: First Padme scenes are shot, both located in her apartment (Her and Obi-Wan discussing Anakin, and Padme with the other senators).

July 3rd, 2003: Revised script for the scene in which Obi-Wan tells Padme he knows about her and Anakin.

August 12th, 2003: Last day of principal shooting for Natalie Portman.

September 17th, 2003: Principal shooting finishes.

December 21st, 2003: Iain McCaig designed a practical costume for Padme.

March 9th, 2004: All but the last ('thunderous applause') of Padme's political scenes have now been cut from the final film.

August 23rd - September 3rd 2004: Reshoots

August 23rd, 2004: Additional scene scripted for reshoot the following day.

January 31st, 2005: One last day of filming for Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen.

Script excerpt (unknown date)

Art (unsure dates)

Padme's apartment layout and colours

#padme amidala #star wars

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memoirofasparklemuff1n · 4 months ago

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no body, no crime- r.c. x reader chapter 4- secrets...

summary: three years after your disappearance you return to the outer banks, only with no recollection of your time away. now that you're back, weird things start happening and everyone seems to be hiding secrets. the nightmare is far from over.

warnings: 18+ MDNI not because of this chapter but for the story in general <3

a/n: i had this in my drafts for so long, specifically the text messages that took me forever. my dad has pneumonia so i've been pretty busy along with school these past few weeks. also, my first language isn't english, so sorry for any mistakes. anyway, tyyy to @sematarygirls for inspiring me with gone girl <3

masterlist

three years ago…

may 20, 2022

you stared at your phone, conflicted over yesterday’s messages. the entire hiding had become exhausting. you hated lying to your family but most of all your friends. the constant vagueness of your whereabouts, the fake names you said to cover who you were really talking to. you knew it was necessary, not because of any type of dangers but because the whole situation was still new and a misstep could bring everything to the ground. at least that’s what the logical part of your brain was telling you, but the more emotional one was desperate for the truth to come out.

so in an attempt to ease your guilt and connect with your friends, you decided to tell them the exciting possibility of finally having a car to go around in without relying on john b.

your phone buzzed again but it wasn’t from whom you were expecting. it was sarah, probably asking to hang out, especially since you’d finally shown some semblance of your past self. you sighed as you prepared another lie about how your mom was keeping you busy at home for midsummers or whatever reason. they’d all noticed your distance but didn’t bring it up. yet. and until then, you’d keep on with the excuses hoping to clear things up before they spiraled out of control.

before you could keep on dwelling on thoughts of the future, a dark red car pulled over. you got up quickly, crossing the lawn of your house quickly, before making sure that no one was around. once you were satisfied, you climbed inside the car and grinned to the driver, before you sped away.

i lied... i said i was going to finish it entirely and then post the story but i can't. i want to get it out as soon as possible lol. ty for reading <3

leave me feedback about the story!! is it good? is it bad? too slow? confusing? whatever, i want it to be exciting, not boring. i already know the story, but i want to know how it feels reading it from the outside!!

dividers by: @yeossemble

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blakbonnet · 9 months ago

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HAPPY FOX DAY TO ALL THOSE WHO CELEBRATE! Today's a special special AOTW because our featured author this week is best beloved @asneakyfox 🦊

Fox, I genuinely think you're one of the greatest fandom philosophers of our times, and what you write is so much more than regular old meta. Because we're all playing in the sandbox here and while a lot of us lose sight of canon sometimes, you have all four feet firmly planted in the lovely source material we've been provided with. And you don't stop there, you try to actively engage with the community, especially making sure you are keeping an eye on all the differing opinions. I feel like this is why your thesis resonates so thoroughly with different people--it's not trying to prove a point, it's very 'holmes saw a dead body and ejaculated'. You are just so smart that you make the rest of us smarter, but it's never intimidating to talk to you, and I love love love that I get to read your stories and your thoughts because of this show and this fandom.

Fox, brilliant as ever, agreed to answer a few questions for me:

What's your meta writing process like? Do you think in disparate strings about scenes and then write them down as they come to you OR is it usually a conversation or a thought that eats at you until you sit down and untangle it?

generally i'll be thinking about something, usually because i saw another post (or had a conversation about the show on discord; special shoutout to the crew on @figmentof and @scarrletmoon's servers, and especially to @glamaphonic, anything i've ever said you thought was really insightful probably came out of a dm conversation with glam) and some part of a post about it will start writing itself in my head, and unfortunately once that process starts the only way to stop it is to write it down.

even more unfortunately i never know whether it's all going to flow out easily into a coherent essay right away, or if it'll be one of those things where i write two really good paragraphs that ought to go in the middle section of a post that takes a while to figure out how to structure; i just have to start and see where it goes. some meta i've written that got lots of notes was written all at once the moment the thought struck me and posted as soon as it was done, but there's also a few that have been sitting in drafts for months as i keep rewriting the same section without being sure where it goes next.

Favourite themes or characterisations you like to explore while meta writing? (things like Ed's fisherman era and what led to it, etc)

i guess if there's a big theme i keep coming back to it's ed's character arc over the course of the show, his relationship with violence and how it affects his perception of himself and how he has to grow through that to be ready to commit to his relationship with stede. one of the very first things i ever said about the show on tumblr, way back in summer 2022, was that ed's absolute deepest fear was that he is fundamentally unlovable, so it was really a delight to see s2 dive so hard into addressing the exact issues i'd been looking at so explicitly. and of course there's also a lot of fandom racism that plays into some takes that go around about ed, and i think it's really important to call that out and push back against those takes.

i feel like it would be kind of silly to not call out izzy here too. izzy plays an absolutely crucial role in highlighting those exact issues in ed's arc, and i honestly just think the way their whole relationship develops in canon is deliciously meaty and a lot of fandom takes seem determined to flatten it out into something much more boring. so it's important to me to try to highlight the ways you don't have to pretend izzy was a secret good guy all along to appreciate the role he plays in the story.

finally i guess this has only developed over the last several months but i guess one of my trademarks now is speculation about what got deleted from s2. i've always been good at the game of watching a movie and guessing at scenes that were cut or changed, and my spider-sense for that was going off like crazy as i watched s2, and i didn't want to get too speculative at first, but as information has actually come out from samba and vico and other sources, a lot of it's lined up with what i thought. and i'm really interested in how the ofmd writers' room approached storybreaking, so it's worth it to me to try to understand this.

Whose head is it easier to get into - Ed or Stede? Why?

i guess i already answered this! i love them both a lot, and i'd been writing meta for a good while before i consciously realized i'd written a LOT more about ed than about stede, and the ed posts tend to be individually longer than the stede ones too. i think some of this is because ed's arc reads super clearly to me while stede, despite being the main character, gets an arc that's a lot more subtle and internal in some ways (and also i do think suffered significantly from the cuts to the second half of s2). and some of it's because people can be Wrong On The Internet about ed in ways i feel the need to push back against more than about stede. but some of it's just, you know, vibe.

it's always interesting to me that nearly all prolific fic authors in this fandom have a clear very strong preference for which POV they prefer - i don't think all fandoms are like that - but i guess my own alignment is obvious.

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

the obvious answer here is the one actual fic i have written for this fandom, "Nothing Could Touch It" which came out of thinking about how there's some post-s2 fic about ed reckoning with this relationship with izzy that i really like but none of it quite got at how i feel like canon's framing it. (don't worry it's not all about izzy! stede's there and there's a bunch of cuddling!)

as far as meta goes though i would call out this as the one i'm probably proudest of, this is the one where i most completely tried to lay out how i saw the show framing ed's relationship with violence during the s1 hiatus, and i think after s2 it holds up pretty well. but also since i was just talking about how i don't say enough about stede, this is the post where i tried to lay out the stuff i really admire in stede as a character.

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

i've got a bunch of verbal tics i overuse but the one i'm self-conscious about in meta lately is "reading against the text," which sounds so pretentious and lit-crit i really wish there were another good phrase for it. but i think it's really useful as a way to clarify that sometimes i'm saying a particular take is clearly not how the narrative of ofmd is framing something but that doesn't mean you need to stop interpreting it that way. reading against the text is really fun and i recommend it sometimes! but you'll have more fun if you're aware that's what you're doing!

If you were writing his arc, keeping in mind that he stays largely antagonistic in line with the show, how would you have resolved the Izzy problem: would you have made the same decisions the writers made and written a redemption by death OR do you think that the spirit of the show specifically demands Izzy get a good guy (or not as bad a guy) ending where we see his muppetification

one of the predictions i was most confident of before s2 was that if izzy were redeemed, he wouldn't be able to remain in the cast as a good-guy crew muppet afterward. (for this reason i thought the likeliest possibility was a slower redemption arc that wouldn't fully complete till the end of s3.) several times i tried to game out what role a fully redeemed izzy could possibly continue to play within this story, or what personality traits that he showed in s1 he could even hang onto after a full redemption, and i couldn't come up with anything that felt plausible. not "loyalty to your captain," because his devotion to blackbeard was clearly toxic at the root and would need to be purged entirely before it could be replaced by anything healthier; not yelling at people to stop having so much fun and work harder, because that could work in a different story but would run directly counter to the core themes of ofmd - so what's left? i went looking at popular izzy redemption fic that tried to address that question, and some of it came up with answers that worked in the context of a fic focused mostly on izzy, but it was never anything that could possibly work in a tv show that already had established themes and would continue to focus primarily on other characters. and izzy wouldn't be able to just fade into the background with the other muppets after all the focus on him a believable redemption arc would require. so i knew once he was redeemed he'd be done as a character one way or another.

and s2 i think bore that out, honestly in a much more obvious way than i expected - over the course of izzy's s2 arc he's basically divested of all his s1 personality traits until all that's really left by the end is saying twat all the time, and Guy Who Says Twat is not a role the story's going to particularly need going forward. to keep him around after that you'd need to give him enough new traits that he'd be for all practical purposes a new character anyway.

i do sometimes wonder about a world where izzy's s2 arc saw him be offered a clear chance at redemption and choose to reject it and get worse instead. i kind of missed antagonist izzy by the end, and i wonder if a lot of people who'd originally wanted a redemption for him wouldn't have been happier with that even if they didn't realize it - a descent into full villainy would have kept izzy and his relationships with both ed and stede more central to the plot right up till the end, and in particular the sexual aspect of his feelings for ed could have stayed very directly relevant, where the redemption arc necessitated resolving that very firmly to clear it out of the way as early as possible in s2. i never agreed that ofmd's themes necessarily meant redemption for izzy was inevitable - ted lasso was much more overtly a show about redemption than ofmd right from the start, and even ted lasso let at least one of its antagonists make it all the way to the end as an unrepentant scumbag. if there's anything that meant izzy really had to be redeemed imo it wasn't the overall spirit of the show so much as izzy's role in ed's arc - before anything else izzy's narrative role was always to be a walking symbol of the part of ed that fears vulnerability and holds him back from committing himself to love, and for ed and stede to be happily together by the end of s2, ed had to get to a place where he could see that part of himself as something he no longer needs in his life but also doesn't hate anymore. nothing could have symbolized that like having ed embrace izzy as he dies granting ed permission to just be himself.

Why OFMD 🥹

you know, i could say a lot here about how i think ofmd is genuinely incredibly well-written in some ways that are really unusual on american tv. season 1 in particular is just incredibly tight and elegantly plotted, and s2 is messier but that just makes it all the more interesting to look at the constraints they were under that led to that. my day job's in narrative and i really do professionally admire ofmd a lot, which is one of the reasons i tend to think about creator intent more than some people do when i'm writing meta - death of the author is a super valid perspective but personally i'm really interested in trying to figure out why the writers made the choices they made and what i can learn from that for when i'm in their position.

so all of that's true. but also we all know it's kind of beside the point here, this is a hyperfixation, it's not rational. i can tell you i watched the first nine episodes of our flag means death and liked it a lot but in what i would describe as a basically normal kind of way, and then i watched the tenth and at some point during that episode a rat inside my brain hit the dopamine spigot with a wrench and now it won't turn off so here we are.

aaaand if you've made it to this point, please join us in evil ganging up on fox with love by sending a lovely letter to them over on @ofmdlovelyletters who was also kind enough to make this header <3

#ofmd #our flag means death #aotw #author of the week #happy fox day

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