#eat good and watch happy so you dont depression

[inkskinned]

im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

[pixieskie]

˖˚˳⊹"i really do love you.. im sorry"˖˚˳⊹

-warnings: Angst, depress!on, su!c!dal thoughts, detachment, scars, body dysmorphia, disassociation, not proofread, chubby reader. -chars mentioned: Scaramouche -wc: 0.6k -a/n: i dont even know what to say.. Um this is .. something.. enjoy?

masterlist

as someone who felt every emotion more intense than others, it also meant feeling more sad. it should've been fine but you simply couldn't feel happy.. you have friends and family but still felt so lonely..

“helloooo” scaramouche waved his hand infront of your face to get your attention.

Suddenly looking up, you see him frowning at you. “what’re you thinking so hard about.. do you not wanna watch the movie?”

“sorry.. i just spaced out” you said embarrassed.. “just continue the movie, ill pay attention this time”.. Scara simply muttered a small ‘fine’ and resumed it.

Scaramouche is your best friend, the one you share everything with. But.. he could never understand the depth of your emotions.. The void you feel inside.. The aching loneliness that consumes you at every moment.

“Yes lets go to the beach!! itll be perf....”

“ooh i just bought a new bikini…..”

“wont it be too sunny? ill get tanne….”

you drowned out their conversation and thought of excuses to skip… you had no other choice.. a bikini wouldn't cover your scars, stretch marks or tummy fat.. it would be on display for everyone to see your insecurities and then they'd hate you.

“guys im sorry but i have to study this weekend.. exams are close”

“again? but didnt you say the same last week…”

“oh come on! itll be so fun…”

“ugh she does the same everytime…”

Ofcourse they wouldn't understand.. They had the perfect body..

The words were blurred as you tried to read them.. Nothing made sense to you anymore.. Your exams were near and you have to study but the words together don't make sense anymore..

Sighing, you went to splash some water on your face to wake yourself up. Looking up into the mirror, you saw failure.. Someone who cant study.. Someone who wouldnt be able to make a living..

You sat back down at your desk.. You can study and change your future right? its just a book..

But.. you cant make yourself read the words anymore.. you felt so tired..

Why cant you also be like others?.. Everyone else is so successful and perfect.. They have good grades, perfect body and happy lives..

You sat on the edge of the roof.. This used to be your hang out spot with Scara but eventually you both stopped meeting there.

“where the fuc- YOURE HERE?” Scara dramatically sighed, huffing. “Ive been searching all over for you. Come on, ive made dinner.. you have to eat something”

You chucked softly at his caring nature and nodded silently.. “Scara?” he was about to leave but turned back to look at you “yeah?”

“I love you”

He chuckled in confusion “yeah yeah i get it, i love you too. no need to get all sentimental with me, its just dinner.”

You turned back to the sky once he left. He probably went to your kitchen to fill a plate for you..

You smiled at the thought. He was the best person you could've asked for..

And it hurts. He cared for you so much but you couldn't appreciate it..

Leaving never had to be this painful.. But a tear fell down and you closed your eyes, recounting your memories..

There were so many happy moments you never got to enjoy.. Sad moments you stayed numb.. And the huge gap in your memory.. and nobody knew how you felt because you never let them.

‘Im so tired… Im so tired..” You looked at your feet, dangling off the roof.. ‘i hate this .. i dont wanna do this.. but theres nothing else to be done’

You took a deep breath in.. “i really do love you.. im sorry”...

…..

tags: @rubywonu @stygianoir @unsavoy-melon @kashiiwi @babbledabble25

[skatingbi]

Yo we out here with some more Ace lives AU but i'll make them little bullet points so I dont have to write a whole essay. Enjoy my little headcanons!

Warning: Theres. So many. Im not sorry tho lmao

Ace joins the strawhats after the time skip, nobody really minds and theyre happy to spend time with luffy's older brother. He quickly becomes best friends with Nami. I just feel it in my soul that they would gossip together.

Both Ace and Luffy suffer from awful PTSD symptoms after Marineford. With Luffy, his crew eventually learn how to help him. With Ace, though, he only has Luffy to lean on for support until the crew get aquanted with him.

Actually, to add onto that bc im a sucker for acesan, Sanji is the first after Luffy to reach out during one of his bad days when even really small triggers can make Ace spiral into a panic attack.

More acesan sorry lmao. Ace is usually either out on the figure head of the sunny looking at the ocean when Luffy isnt occupying that spot, in the gallery when Sanji is working, or just out on the deck laying on the grass. He especially likes being around sanji in the gallery.

Pre timeskip Ace is extremely different than this AU's Ace because yes he's silly and carries an air of confidence with him still, but he's never shirtless around others anymore. For a long while, Ace doesnt leave the ship or pick fights. His confidence is a facade for a long time.

Depression hits ace like a truck in this AU and its only eased with the help of Luffy and Sanji. Chopper also helps the best he can with what he's got. Ace is grateful for this, and eventually his old self starts to emerge more and more. Luffy is there with him the entire time.

Ace has insomnia, but so does Sanji and Zoro. He'll hang out with them during late night hours either on watch with zoro sharing stories or with Sanji talking to him while he's doing prep work or inventory. He'll probably also fend off luffy when his little brother tries to break into the locked fridge lmao

But more funny headcanons!! Im getting depressing here sorry!! Ace will mess around with Luffy and entertain him before meal times by play fighting. Their asses will be duking it out on the deck and Chopper will be all concerned and Zoro and Nami will be like "Siblings." Like thats the most obvious answer in the world.

Tbh, the crew members with any type of sibling or sibling bond will get it. Luffy will deadass try to steal Ace's food and Ace will smack his hand lightly with haki and Luffy will dramatically exclaim how mean his big brother is.

"Ace is so mean! I'll starve to death!" "Yeah, sure, you little menace"

Ace regaining strength over his devil fruit powers by making little shapes out of fire for chopper, luffy, and usopp. Franky and brook join the group to give ace prompts. It becomes a nightly occurance at this point.

The first time he decides to go shirtless in front of the crew, they realize his old tattoo is replaced by scar tissue that covers nearly his entire back. Nobody says anything, but I think Franky and Nami would be really understanding. Also luffy. Luffy would be like "We match! Ace has a cool scar like I do!" and it reassures him but also breaks his heart simultaneously.

Ace eating nearly as much as luffy and Sanji being like "Are you sure youre not blood related? Because youre both gonna run my kitchen dry"

Ace not really having a defined role in the crew and them not really minding it. Ace floats around basically. It kind of fits him more that way since he knows a bit of everything. He'll look at maps with nami to chart a course to the next island, He'll fight alongside zoro and sanji, he'll tell usopp about different ways to use combustion and heat in weapons or ammo, etc.

Ace and nami using the power of their good looks to scam people lmao and ace being able to swindle men and women. Nami is impressed and also jealous.

Luffy growing his hair out so him and Ace match, but luffy apparently has curlier hair than Ace so its just a fluffy mess until usopp caves and teaches them how to actually take care of their hair (luffy does not absorb a single thing and ace now has to help luffy with his hair when it gets as long as his)

Ace noticing one day how zoro looks at luffy and being like "yikes...you got it bad, man" and zoro just being like "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-" but ace is fucking cackling and now zoro cant be too mad about that. He's still embaressed as fuck about it though.

Expanding on that actually: Ace actually being supportive because he knows how loyal zoro is. He isnt worried. Plus, Luffy is extremely strong and it takes a lot to actually hurt him. So he's like "dude you gotta just tell him straight up he is dense as hell"

Ace the ultimate wingman for zoro. Not luffy, though. That's what Nami is there for. Him an nami are definitely working together and placing bets on when and who asks who out with robin, usopp, sanji, and franky. I wont say what they chose for their bet but robin definitely wins.

BUT luffy, nami, zoro, robin, usopp and franky place bets on Ace and Sanji. Ace is never subtle. He flirts openly and is proud of it. Sanji is very subtle with ace, though. The crew immediately see past his bullshit of trying to be straight. Its painful to watch. Poor sanji is trying so hard to remain closeted but the closet is literally glass. I wont say who betted what as per my last bullet point, but surprisingly zoro won. Everyone (nami) is outraged by this incident. Luffy is here for a good time.

The crew playing card games except they learn sometimes ace cannot handle flammable objects because he will burn them accidentally. Competitive card games are now banned if ace is playing.

Ace is also banned from using his devil fruit powers while sparring on the deck. The poor grass on there has been burned so many times. Nami has kicked his ass over it.

Ace and zoro get really competitive. Not like zoro and sanji, but they'll spar without weapons and at least one of them will leave with a busted lip or eyebrow and a lecture from chopper. Theyre chill though they just forget to hold back on their punches. Ace one time used haki and had to help franky fix the deck afterwards.

[mythicalage]

Maybe This Was All A Mistake - HKS

synopsis: things aren't looking so good in your relationship after 3 years of being with your bf

characters: bf!shota x fem!reader

a/n: i've never published anything on tumblr so pls bear w me as i try to figure things out 😞 also dont know when to add warnings and stuff (non-idol au btw)

everything was totally fine for the past 3 years. perfect even. so why was there so much tension between you and shota?

well you knew why; the constant arguing over stupid shit which would then snowball into bigger things. usually you guys were so good at dealing with arguments and would end with a mutual understanding.

it's gotten to the point where you're tired of shota's mixed signals. he'd distance himself from you, get angry whenever you wanted attention so when you returned the favor, suddenly he'd turn into a clingy bf.

after 5 months of ranting about the issue to your friends, they were completely over it. reasonably so. they'd always give advice and voice their opinions but you never listened.

"break up with him"

"i dont think i can give up 3 years this easily. he's been better recently."

"yeah and then hes gonna go back to being an asshole"

"we don't know that. maybe its just those situations where we have a few struggles in the relationship and everything will be better again."

"girl— oh my gosh."

maybe you were actually stupid to believe that. nothing changed. it was the same never-ending cycle. did you actually waste 3 entire years on him? 1,239 days if you want to get specific. was the time actually wasted if you were happy with him for the first two years? did the love just wear off?

you both had gone out to downtown, walking around and stopping at a cafe where you two had your first date together. you guys came here pretty often, usually happy, but today was just rather sad. shota only scrolled on his phone as you both were sat right by the large window, waiting for your drinks.

you sighed, biting the inside of your cheek as your chest began to feel heavy. you watched soul mindlessly scroll on his phone, occasionally texting. he still had the polaroid picture of you behind his phone case but you wondered why he even bothered keeping it there. or maybe he simply didn't care enough to take it out.

"order for an iced matcha latte and an iced americano!" the worker placed the two drinks over the counter to which shota looked over and then glanced at you.

"i'll get it." you pushed your chair back and went over to grab the drinks. "thank you," you forced a smile at the worker and received a nod.

you don't really know why you ordered the most basic, kind of disgusting, drink ever. you weren't in the mood to drink or eat anything. as you sat back down, you slid the green latte over to shota and he finally placed his phone down, taking the drink into his hands. "thanks."

"its been a while since we've last been here," your voice was soft but had little to no emotion to it.

"yeah, it has been." shota took a sip of his drink before moving the cup in his hand in a circular motion, probably to mix everything.

it was depressing to see him this way. he was normally very silly, making random noises or rambling on and on about things he's into. it'd be an understatement to say you missed it. maybe it's too late to get that version of haku shota back. maybe you're just not the person who can bring it out of him anymore.

you didn't realize tears had brimmed your eyes until you felt the huge lump in your throat. you shouldn't cry. not in front of him at least and definitely not in public.

shota looked up at you from his drink. he stayed quiet for a moment before finally speaking. "you okay?" he reached for your hand and interlaced your fingers together. part of you wanted to snatch your hand away but the other part wanted to feel the warmth of his hand for as long as you could — before you commit to your decision of breaking away from him.

"shota," you choked on your voice, biting your bottom lip afterwards as tears begin to finally slip down your cheeks. you looked at his face before looking down at your hands, "lets.. break up."

although you didn't see it, shota's face dropped, his mouth slightly gaped. "you.. want to break up...?" his grip on your hand loosened but he didn't let go completely.

you only nodded to his response, biting your lip to prevent any sobs from becoming audible, simultaneously trying to stop the tears to no avail.

"baby, what? why? please, let's just talk about this." shota pleaded quietly but loud enough for you to hear.

you looked back up, your eye makeup slightly ruined by the tears. you sniffled as you took your hand away from his, "shota, you know why." you fought to not let your voice crack, carefully dabbing the tears off your cheeks and from underneath your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt.

"no, i don't know why. sure we have these small moments where we're upset but that's normal. we always go back to how it used to be, do we not?" he leans over the table and cups your cheek with his hand, his sad eyes looking into your teary ones.

you think about it. maybe he is right. you might've been thinking a little irrationally.

no. this can't happen again.

you shake your head, pushing his hand away from your face and you get up from your chair. "no shota. i'm tired of feeling this way. you give me attention when you feel like you're losing me but after a while, you go back to being a dickhead." you frown, taking your drink into your hand.

he gets up as well but leaves his drink on the table. at this point a few people are staring but it doesn't matter. "please y/n. don't leave me. we can fix this."

"there's no 'we' anymore, shota. i'm sorry." you drop your head.

shota only stays quiet. he grabs his drink and tosses it into the nearby trashcan and does the same to the cup in your hand. he knows you don't even like americanos.

when you guys came in not too long ago and ordered the drinks, he was confused as to why you had bought it. it doesn't matter anyway.

he swallows the lump that had now formed in his throat, taking a deep breath before talking.

"can i at least hug you for one last time?"

your heart shatters. you look into his eyes with blurry vision due to the tears and you wrap your arms around his body.

his face meets the top of your head as his arms hug your waist, rocking both of your bodies side to side as you silently sob into his chest.

"i'm sorry i couldn't be a better boyfriend to you."

after the hug you couldn't get yourself to say goodbye to him. you simply let go and walked outside and got yourself an uber.

this is going to be a bitch to get over.

a/n: definitely not my best work but i somewhat tried whidkwkd if this is total shit lmk 😭😭 wattpad-esque ahh story omg

[kyokikia]

Im curious, do people even write for uta? Do people like uta at all?? If you cant tell, she's my favorite female character! I dont see anyone talking about her 😭😭

i might write for her if someone requests it (when requests are back open) but she might be the only one piece female i would ever write for so, sorry for that

Has anyone else on here watched film red? I wanna talk about it with someone because its one of my favorite movies, currently listening to new genesis as i speak (ado's singing was HEAVENLY in the movie)

Ado's singing is so heavenly, and she honestly captured the supposed greatness of uta's voice PERFECTLY. I watched the movie in sub so i couldnt hear amalee dubbing uts, but honestly, i listened to amalee's covers of the songs, and i think the dub watchers were robbed from hearing amalee's covers. She covered all the songs PERFECTLY! She did the spell part of tot musica perfectly aswell and i adore Amalee's and Ado's works so much!

SPOILERS UNDER KEEP READING FOR ONE PIECE: FILM RED

I think she's a little crazy but i love her a lot, what she did in the movie is honestly justifiable. I love her design so much, i wanna cosplay her but i got my bills to pay 😭 i'll do it once i get extra money tho, anyway, i feel so bad for her because for years she thought that shanks had abandoned her but turns out she was manipulated into singing tot musica by the people of Elegia 😭 i feel so bad knowing on how much she probably blamed herself for what happened but it wasnt her fault at all

Shanks is so selfless i swear, the way he just chose to take the blame instead so uta wouldn't blame herself and so she could make other people happy with her voice aswell 😭♥️

Watching uta descend into madness, as her mental health and physical state reach its absolute lowest was so heartbreaking (but the movie was so cool to watch!)

As you probably know, the wakeshrooms cause the person who eats them to stay awake until they die, and makes them more aggravated and brings out their negative emotions more, so i can see why she became more deranged as the movie went on. i feel so bad for her she deserves better 😭 i see why she was driven into madness after meeting shanks after all those years

Being kept on that island for so many years mustve been so depressing, so she was in a bad mental state most of her life. Kept alone, isolated with the entire world other than Gordon, not knowing anything going on in the world is so sad

I can see why she hates pirates so much, seeing as she cares so much about her fans (that she would trap them in the sing sing world just so they wouldnt have to deal with pirates anymore and for a 'new era' which she had good intentions with, but honestly it wasnt that great of an idea) she had the idea that all pirates were bad, and seeing all her fans sending her video mail about it probably amplified her hatred.

I took notice on how by the time uta had to sing tot musica, she was in her absolute worst mental and physical state, some of the words were linked together some words were messed up, i think ado captured on how much of a terrible state uta was in by the time she was forced to sing the song perfectly, i adore ado's singing in film red so much

I might've misunderstood uta honestly, i might've done her wrong in this post, i also realize this entire post is a rant but oh well i honestly just wanted to talk about her, anyone wanna tell me their thoughts on film red?

[epaily]

good omens thread while i rewatch season 1 because i was slacking and also had no wifi for 4 days

bro the grip this show had on me when i was 15 was crazy you dont understand

the earth is a libra and her birthday is october 10th how could i forget

I GAVE IT AWAY you WOT this is the momeny crowley fell in love

the WING IN THE RAIN

god this intro feels like coming home

imma keep it a buck fifty i never could never follow the card trick baby swap

all the queen makes me so happy. i could appreciate it then. the various queen merch i have scattered around my room now says otherwise

"call aziraphale" "all the phone lines are currently busy" "grr" is a classic god i love this idiot

why does he walk like that. kinda gay.

why does he eat like that. kinda gay.

why do they sit like that. kinda gay.

god i fucking hate gabriel. cant wait for my whole opinion of him to change

"little temptation i ask you to cover for me" i forgot this was a thing they did god i fucking love them. i cant tell you how much i love them

the grip they have on me is insane you dont fucking understand

i was 15 and had just suffered a breakup (my first major one) and i thought i would never see the sun again and there they were. and then i made art and i wrote fanfic and i consumed THOUSANDS of fics and art and i talked and dressed like crowley and i was so depressed and i was lonely and to fight it i watched good omens no less then once a week for that whole summer. it changed my life

gods the dolphins conversation is so dumb i love them bubububub

i love them so fucking much

[actually-a-fish]

The Mitchells vs. The Machines

Hello! I like watching movies. Ideas get stuck in my head while watching them and i need them out of my brain. This is my 4/9/24 viewing of The Mitchells vs. The Machines. I like cartoons :)

This will have spoilers

Without further ado... my thoughts chronologicall

PROLONGED EYE CONTACT DODODODOD

The main VA is Abbie Jacobson (aka Princess Tiabeanie Mariabeanie de la Rochambeau Grunkwitz)

this family reminds me so much of mine minus depression and a commitment to a cult :)

girl its probably a good thing you weren't at the tech reveal. be nice to the siris, alexas and echos in your life...

i kinda wanna watch that robot movie with Will Smith and hot robots now

THEY ALL HAVE STIMS GUYS

running away from your crush and saying you hate them is so real

"what are these? robutts?"

HES TAKING NOTES

I like that the new genre of villian is a tech bro and AI

I dont like this bit about wifi, we are dependent on it yeah but people can adapt pretty well. Well some I guess.

why do dads always suggest eating the family pet?

i cannot express how autistic this family is. its constant, not demeaning or the butt of a joke. just a family being a family. I have flappy hands about it.

aww dads do love to teach their kids to drive stick shift

i do like Eric and Barbara

the robots are shooting the humans into space, that's their plan and honestly i've been saying we should shoot garbage into space for a while now so im glad somone is finally doing it

there are cute edits done by katie through the whole movie and they deserve a shout out

I knew touch screen fridges were a bad idea

NOT FURBYS WTF WHY THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE

"your whole lives i wanted to save you from disater and this is the moment ive been waiting for" - Rick (and also my father)

KATIE DRAWS ON HER HANDS TOO OMG THE DETAILS. THERE IS SO MUCH STIMMING AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY EVERY TIME

This is good family bonding, but no tears yet.

unfortunately i think the family bonding was to good. The dad left a sentimental object in katies bags and now im convinced hes gonna sacrifice himself to save the rest of the family.

now im crying. :) if you watched i bet you could guess which part.

oof crying again! a Twofer!

This movie may be healing my childhood trauma. I miss my parents. They were just doing their best

THE CALL BACKS. THE CULMANATION! ITS MAKING ME EMOTIONAL IM SORRY

thank you game grumps for introducing me to the song "Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (not was)

An accurate compilation of watching my coworkers and professors use computers

uh oh they got little brother, Linda is gonna rip out someone's heart

OH MY GOD I JUST THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA GET MAD

ERIC AND BARBARA SUPREMECY

damn i need to see my family so i can remember why i hate them bc this is to sweet for me

TEAM E AND B! TEAM E AND B!

How long of a break between the entire world being abducted by robots and everyone going back to work was? Do you think this was like their pandemic

"My name is Monchi, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair"

THEYRE BASED ON A REAL FAMILY (and the whole family has "im easily overstimulated" hair cuts, its so relatable)

It's cheesy. full of stuff you know is meant for kids and that corporate made them do. but I really liked it. I know the whole bit is that the family is weird. I don't really like that they used the word weird instead of autistic but i can kinda understand why they had to do it. i found myself relating the characters constantly. The way they run away when things get overwhelming, communicate through their interests, stim when they have big feelings (they all have their own, and most of them have a couple they do) and the way the situation their in affects them. It is not perfect representation but it did a good enough job for me.

If you read all the way through thank you! If you have any formatting tips please lmk!

Also I feel the silly need to add, this is all my opinion, and my opinion is not fact! It's okay if we don't agree and if you're nice, I would love to hear about it :)

[angidrawingstuff]

Faba Headcanons (mainly past)

Just wanted to get some headcanons down for my imaginations of Fabas Past and random HCs for my Story. (⚠WARNING⚠ . There are a lot of different sensitive topics that are not suited for everyone so please stay safe)

If you see any weird writing mistakes or bad wording, I am sorry :") I easily do typos without noticing and English isnt my first language

-Faba comes from a very unloving home where nothing he did was ever good enough for his parents. When he did well it was just accepted but never acknowledged. When he did mistakes on the other hand he was mostly treated like the scum of the family. But Child Faba still wanted to do his best and make his parents happy even if it was all in vain.

-Petrel and Faba are brothers in this Story, but unlike Faba, Petrel was sick of getting treated like trash, got connections to Team Rocket through the Internet, stole some money and left the Alola Region to join Team Rocket where he was atleast worth something. Their parents didnt care and only used this situation to put Faba under even pressure. "Do your best. You dont want to end up as a criminal as your brother, dont you??" (Faba did crime in the future anyway. yay. Also cant wait for Faba and Petrel to meet again)

-Faba has actually a very bad immune system, is often sick, can't do sports well and is exhausted quite easily. (But his parents didn't care and still forced him to do well and go over his limits)

-Since Faba didnt got any love from anyone, had no friends in school since he was always just the awkward silent depressed kid, he cried pretty often and wished to just shut his head off. After meeting his Drowzee he sometimes asked it to use hypnosis on him so he would fall asleep and stop thinking about how little he is worth. (I have an Angst Comic Idea for this where Adult Faba gets a Flashback of this and jdhufb my heart is aching already because it will be sad but cute in the end)

-He met his Drowzee during a school break in middle school. Some classmates were playing with their Pokemon, while Faba didnt had a single one and was just watching while eating a little. But then a Drowzee came out of nowhere and most of the kids suddenly screamed that theres an evil Pokemon attacking them. They attacked the Drowzee out of fear (because we all know what Drowzee and Hypno are known for), making the Drowzee run away. But..Faba noticed it looked very sad as it left. So Faba walked after it and found it hiding under a tree. The Drowzee panicked once it saw the child and put its little arms protectively over its head. Faba did nothing and let the Drowzee realise that he doesnt want anything bad. This made the Pokemon turn around slowly and saw that the human was offering a little of his food to him, which it happily ate after hesitating a little. Faba took a seat next to the Drowzee, comforting it a bit more and realised it only wanted to play with the other people and pokemon but got treated badly because it was a Drowzee. They quickly became friends and met in nearly any school break until Faba catched it. (I also really wanna draw this as Comic REEEEE)

-Fabas narcissism became a thing after getting to know Drowzee. His first and only friend he ever had. That Pokemon gave him something to fight for in his life but the neglect and ab*se that his parents made him go through nearly every day made it very very difficult. So he started to love himself forcefully and take pride in the things he can do well. At the beginning he could only be prideful of his intelligence but over many many years he became proudful in everything and threw the blame always on someone else when a mistake happend. He became blind by his forceful and fake pride and wanted to proof himself and others that he is a great mastermind...AND THEN DID A BUNCH OF ILLEGAL THINGS LIKE THE POKEMON EXPERIMENTS AND SO ON...YAY!! (Idiot //affec)

-He and his nowadays Hypno are very very loyal to each other. Hypno does literally anything he says. Hypno is also VERY overprotective of Faba since it doesnt want anyone to hurt him as in the past. Colress had a tough time getting its trust but after a long while Hypno knew he could trust Colress.

-Faba is super well with Pokemon that get easily judged and are very feared since he got always ignored and outcasted too

-After Faba was forgiven he actually got hit by depression, a huge amount of guilt, waves of flashbacks and an eating disorder (that he all hides behind acting prideful and acting fine as nothing ever happend). This happend because he couldnt accept that his co-workers were so nice to him and let him stay in the Aether Foundation. Realising the crimes he did because of his Narcississm remembered him that his parents were always right- He is actually just a nothing, a loser that only does mistakes, a scum that actually should just disappear from earth.

-I like the headcanon that Faba does Drag so I add it here too. With the only difference that the Faba for my Story stopped doing it after getting hit with depression and Anorexia. He became unhealthyly thin and rather worked while forgetting/ having no urge to eat. It made him think that his body is very unpleasant and stopped having fun with drag. Thanks to Colress he will start living healthier again slowly and by time, hopefully, show him his love for drag again.

In conclusion he was a very depressed unloved man but thanks to USUM Colress`s Sweetness he will slowly be okay <3 he needs hugs. a lot.

[durmom]

Its Useless

Part 9

Part 8:

Everything cements for Kelly, when Lucifer puts his hands on her. The boys seem hopeful with the device Ketch gave them. Everything is going to plan, until Sam watches Lucifer's essence go down the vent. Cas gets Kelly out of the room, still debating on what you said. Dean however is happy that they got Lucifer, not knowing what Sam saw. When they are put under arrest Dean can feel the blood drain from his face. He is at a loss for words, he feels utterly defeated by you. How could you be on their side and let this happen? In the truck Sam looks to Dean concerned. Sam is confused, specifically about you. It was clear to him that you cared about them, and would never want to hurt them so why, why would you not tell them this?

While Kelly goes to the bathroom Cas is thinking about what you said, was this nephilim a good thing? When Kelly calls him, he speaks without thinking, telling her she needs to get rid of the baby. Now stressed about the situation, he realizes its up to him to find Kelly, and that he does believe the nephilim needs to be taken care of. Cas goes back to the motel, seeing the boys are no longer there, he calls Mary to meet him at the bunker. 

Dean is brooding in his cell, when the interrogator comes in all he can think about is how he wants to kill him. He’s an annoyance, disturbing his thoughts. His thoughts about you. His anger is so immense and all he can do is sit in his cell, where no one, but you, knows where it is. At this point he’s thinking about every way to escape. 

At the bunker, you await Cas and Mary’s arrival. When they do arrive Mary is pissed when you explain what happened. She’s pissed as Cas for leaving her boys and losing Kelly. Shes pissed at you for letting them walk into it.

“Mary, I can’t explain it all to you but I promise you they are okay. It’s for the greater good.”

“I dont get why they didn’t call me?”

“Mary, you were out.” Cas says.

“Why did you let this happen?” she turns to you.

“Because… it needed to happen. I need you to trust me on this. They will be out. I promise you, just wait for them to call.”

“You promise me?”

“I promise. If not, you can kill me.”

“I will.”

Cas is not satisfied and goes to Crowley, who refuses to help. Mary stays at the bunker, when Alicia calls asking for help you tell her to go.

“Go, It's what they’d want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ll run point from here, keep hunting, and working with the Brits. Which by the way will turn on you eventually but keep them close for now.”

“They’ll what?”

“Sorry today’s been a mess. The Brits will turn on hunters but right now we need to keep them close. When the time comes, I’ll call.”

“O-Okay.” Mary rushes out, confused, and clearly annoyed with you. Once alone, you feel the crushing weight of everything. 

Over the next weeks Cas keeps trying to hunt down Kelly and Mary continues hunting. You on the other hand spent two weeks in another depressive episode. You’d sleep until one or two before forcing yourself up to eat, check on Mary and Cas, and look for cases for them to work. After two weeks you get angry, why did Amara bring you here? It’s annoying to not be able to talk to the boys. That's when you get an idea. Cas has brought the impala back so you head to the car and rummage through the glove box. Finding one of the back up phones you call Crowley.

“Out so soon?” He asks.

“No, he’s not.”

“And who is this I’m speaking to? Is this Squirrels Nut?”

“Ew, what? No, Crowley, my name is y/n i’ve been working with the boys for six months. I need you to smuggle letters to them.” “And why would I do that?”

“Because I know you have Lucifer, and I wont tell Sam and Dean who will absolutely kill you.” The line goes silent.

“Where should we meet?”

“There's a bar, down the street from the bunker.”

“I know the place.”

“One hour.” You hang up.

Your foot shakes anxiously, every time the door opens you look expecting Crowley, which is dumb, you know he's just going to appear next to you. Which he does.

“Hello y/n”

“Crowley.” you actually smile. You always found him funny, dumb, but funny, and in the end he actually does do some good.

“So, Nut what's in these letters?”

“Ew, Crowley, not your best work.” He furrows his brows at you, “Nevermind, I know you know where they are, I just want you to get these to them. You won't be able to read them, to make sure they actually get to them they both have code words they have to say. I want you to return to me, here, in an hour, and tell me the code word. Also if they have anything to say, tell me.” He opens one of the letters looking it over before folding it back up, “Enochian.”

“Yes, do this and I wont tell the boys about your dumbass plan.”

“Really? For some lousy letters?”

“Yep.” You smile at him before taking a sip of the rum and coke you ordered.

“I guess I’ll be back.”

Crowley meets his inside man who somehow gets the letters to Sam and Dean. They both rush to open them.

Sam,

I know you have a lot of questions and I promise you I will answer as many as I can when you get out. To start, yes I knew this was going to happen. I swear to you it's for the greater good. I’m running things back home. Cas is looking for Kelly, yes he lost her, and your mom is hunting. She's obviously pissed at me, but it’ll be okay. Now I am going to tell you some things that you cannot share with Dean yet. I want to tell him but you know how he is, angry. Kelly’s baby. His name is Jack. He is good, nothing but good, he takes after his mom. Jack needs to be born, he saves the world. That's why I had to keep you in the dark, I couldn't risk it. Again I will answer more questions when you're out. I know you boys have a plan, it's a good plan by the way. I love you Sammy, I’ll see you soon.

P.S code word is Crowley’s a hoe.

Sam knocks on the door to signal he’s done. When the guard comes up he flashes his black eyes to show it's Crowley’s demon.

“Say, I believe her. Code word is Crowley’s a hoe.” Once alone Sam rereads the letter and can’t help but laugh. Only you could make him laugh when he’s absolutely miserable.

Dean,

I know you’re pissed at me, I don’t blame you. There's a reason why I had to let you guys go through this. I am taking care of everything at home. I’m sorry it had to be this way. For your own sanity, the reason I did this was to save the world. It might not make sense now but it will when all is said and done. Trust me when I tell you that everything will be okay. Genuinely Dean, I had to let things go the same way they do in the show for the reason it actually saves us. It saves everyone. I know you told me to leave but I’m not going to. I believe in you boys and will be by your side whether you want me to or not. I still care about you. I love you Dean Winchester.

P.S code word is magical liopleurodons

Dean gets up and knocks on the door, all he says is the code word. Once the demon leaves he turns and punches the wall. 

Crowley meets you back at the bar and recites what Sam said, and the codes.

“Sam says he believes you. Dean didn't say anything.”

“The codes?”

 “Crowley is a.. Hoe. Magical liopleurodons.”

“Good job!”

“Are we done here?” His shoulders hang low, fists balled into his pockets.

“Not quite, have a drink.” You wave over the bartender and order the fruitiest drink you can, with an umbrella.

“You know Crowley, I actually find you hilarious.”

“That's what i’ve been trying to get these hooligans to see for years!”

“They just can’t give you that satisfaction.” 

Once your drinks are finished you part. You would have liked to hang around him a bit longer but he is the King of Hell in this world, and is actually bad. So not the best idea to tell him about you. You decided to have a couple more drinks when a good looking guy comes up to you. He was no Dean, but attractive. You were drunk, and sad so you thought why not. You needed to release some steam and it's been quite a while. Dean is not going to be happy with you when he gets out, so that relationship is dead. Might as well enjoy yourself, Dean was a slut anyways. 

The hookup was messy, not wanting to leave with a guy you just met, you decide on the bathroom. He has you up against the stall, since it had been a while and you are drunk, you finish fast, as does he. The feeling is euphoric, minus the fact you kept imagining it was Dean. When all is said and done you say goodbye and go to the car. Suddenly you start crying, full of guilt. This isn't who you are, you’ve never had a one night stand type of thing. Trying to justify it was fucked up but you did need it. The following days though consisted of the same thing, getting drunk and hooking up with a guy at the bar. It was a coping method, more a method of self destruction and self harm. The guilt of the boys being locked in a cell was eating you alive. The sex allowed you to forget about it for a moment, then feel it in full swing. Your daily routine was the same. Sleep until one, eat, check for cases, call Mary, go to the bar and drink, sex, leave to go back to the empty bunker as late as you could. Everynight you found yourself in Dean’s bed, sleeping in one of his shirts. Slowly you were deteriorating. However one morning when you called Mary about a case she told you she needed you to take care of it. It was a small nest of vamps and she knew you could handle it. Reluctantly you agreed. You packed up the impala and headed to Virginia. 

The case was easy, you had Sam make you fake IDs a couple months back so you were able to get into the morgue, talk to the sheriff, and interview family and friends of the victims. You worked quickly and wrapped the case up within two days. The nest had five vamps, living in an old barn in the woods. They had kidnapped a sixteen year old girl after killing a forty year old man. You were able to save the girl and kill all the vamps. They were almost too easy to kill but you were fueled by so much rage that it was almost fun.

 That night you went back to the motel to shower before going to a bar that was a walk away. Sitting at the bar you stir your drink just staring at the liquid in the glass. Dissociating is the easiest way to get through this period. You sense a guy standing next to you. He orders an old fashioned. Taking a deep breath you take the last of your drink like a shot. You turn your head to look at the man next to you. He’s tall, between the lines of lanky and muscular, and has a boy band type haircut. Looking at his clothes he wears a suit, mismatched socks, and dress shoes. When you look back up you see him looking at you smiling politely. 

“Sorry.” 

“No you're fine. My name's Spencer.”

“Y/n, I like to just observe people.”

“Me too. What’d you notice about me?”

“You wear mismatched socks but are wearing a suit, so not your normal attire. Clearly dorky, a compliment by the way, a star wars fan and..” looking back down to his socks, “doctor who.”

“Good job.” He smiles at you before taking a sip of his drink and pulling out a stool to join you.

“Thank you. So Spencer, what about me?”

“Honestly I can’t tell much about you but clearly you’re here trying to forget something…” intently he looks into your eyes, “ or someone.”

“Ha! Kinda both.” 

“Tell me about it?”

“Hmm, why should I?”

“I’m a stranger? Tell me and I’ll share something with you?”

“Are you also trying to forget someone?”

“Kind of.”

“Okay. Deal.” You adjust in your seat, “I have a friend, Dean. Ever since I met him he’s been so back and forth with me. We are either best buds, laughing, and having a good time or we are screaming at each other. It's been so frustrating until this last case. We are PIs, I knew something about the case that I couldn’t tell him and when he found out he was so mad. I mean I’ve never heard him yell like that. But I couldn’t tell him. It was for the greater good whether he realizes it or not. It just sucks, he’s been so back and forth and now he’s… now he’s not talking to me.” “How long have you known him?”

You chuckle, “I’ve known him awhile but we became friends about six months ago.”

“Hmm.”

“Yeah.” you laugh again, “I don't really need advice, I know it’ll blow over but thanks for letting me vent.”

“You’re welcome.” Spencer smiles at you.

“So, tell me your story.” Spencer proceeds to tell you about how he’s in the FBI and he thought his friend died but they covered it up and she just came back. He tells you how angry he is about it because his boss and  best friend lied to his face while he was grieving. It was around two in the morning, you had spent hours talking. You had long sobered up and enjoyed Spencer’s company. Spencer offers to walk you back to the motel and you accept the offer. At the motel you exchange numbers saying you’d call. Going to bed that night was easier, for the first time in six weeks you talked to someone genuine, it was nice. The next few days you and Spencer kept texting, sometimes calling. He went all over the country, as did you, but he is mostly in virginia. Every night before bed you text Spencer until you fall asleep. You meet up once for dinner, after you feel like a new person. Like who you were before coming to this world, before nursing school. 

The day had finally come, Dean and Sam were dead. Not really, but it was their time to escape. You knew roughly when they’d be escaping so you had Cas and Mary meet you at the bunker and stay with you for a few days. Cas finally gets the call. You all rush to the car to meet them in Colorado. You are shaking as you get closer, excited to see them but nervous about the reactions. Cas and Mary insist on help which meant the Brits. You sit in the car as they talk. Your window is rolled down, they obviously ask about you. Cas and Mary give little explanation. The Brits lead the way down the roads towards the Rockies. Night is passing, Cas tells you and Mary to get some sleep. That was not happening. You both are anxious to see the boys. In the morning you can tell you’re close. In your lap was a change of clothes for the boys. As Cas drove down the road you kept your eyes peeled for Sam and Dean. It was still dark but early in the morning. You see them running out of the woods and yell for Cas to pull over, the Brits drive ahead a bit. Cas and Mary jump out of the car excited to see their family. Knowing Dean is mad at you, you decide to stand by the car. Still able to see the boys but not the first to greet them, you are the one who let them get arrested. Sam and Dean are excited to see their family, the reunion is heartfelt. When Sam pulls away from his mom he starts looking around when he spots you. Sam gives you a big smile and jogs over to you. He gives you a hug, so huge that he actually lifted you off the ground. 

“Thank you for your letter!”

“Of course, I needed you to know what was going on! And I knew it had been awhile since you talked to someone.”

“Yeah, it definitely gave me hope.”

“What are you doing here?” The blood rushes from your face, Sam steps aside revealing Dean, who is rightfully pissed. 

“I- I have a change of clothes for you.” Is all you can say.

“I thought I told you to leave.” Now Dean is inches away from your face.

“I can’t.”

“After the stunt you just pulled?” He puts his hands on the car, trapping you. 

“I swear it’s for a good reason.” Even though he has you trapped and is trying to intimidate you, you hold eye contact and remain calm. However you jump when he hits the car right next to your head.

“Dean!” Sam grabs his brother to pull him off. Dean shrugs Sam’s hands off.

“No Sam! I'm done with her ‘good reason’ bullshit! If she’s on our side why is she not helping?”

“She is. Dean, we don't have time for this, we have to go.”

“Fine.” 

[fatgumsurpremacy-remastered]

In the spirit of Easter may I have some yandere content with s/o x Spy playing with egg vibrators?

Is it funny to say I’ve never used one of those?

Tw: smut, vibrators, bad French, captivity, Stockholm, inner turmoil

The sky weeped outside of your apartment, you watched the people walk though it. Rushed and wet as the sky came down.

So much for a happy Easter. You scoffed at the scene and turned back to the monotonous colors of your home. Your bed called to you from the end of your hallway but the kitchen seemed more compelling.

You trudged your way along, like a tuckered out soldier, attempting his long treck back home. Pulling open the door served you little good, as the emptiness of it all just depressed you. The door swung shut, and with small motions you made it back to the living room.

Now with nothing to do, or eat, you sat on the soft couch, to stare at the ceiling.

The pillows were kind to you today at least, the man of the hour wouldn’t be back for at least a few more and you figured you could get some rest.

You woke to the sound of Jazz.

A soft, sultry sound fluttering about you. You stayed still a moment longer, before you smelt the smell of food cooking on the stove. You followed your nose into the kitchen, half asleep, and lazy; you leaned against the entrance to the kitchen, clutching a pillow in between your hip and your hand.

You barely knew the man in front of you, save for facts that were absolutely essential.

1: He brought you here to begin with.

An aspect of your life you never thought to be changed was in a moment. You were swept from your town and back to his home quickly.

2: You had little reason to be afraid.

Aside from the obvious kidnapping, he’d posed no outward threat to you. Laying his heart on the table the moment you woke for him, and letting you stab at it.

3: He was head over heels for you.

The moment you’d settled in enough for him to love you he did. Your life from the moment he’d met you was filled with luxury items, gorgeous clothes, fancy jewelry. Paintings from across the world commissioned for you, stuffs for any project you’d wished. He’d lay them all out for you. Coming home exhausted, only to smile when you came to him to ask about his day.

“Good evening ma étolie, were you tired while I was gone?” You hummed in thought, observing his lighter tone. Playing along you decided to wrap your hands around the man’s smaller waist. He flinched before settling back down with a smug grin.

“And what’s to say I’m not still tired hmm?” He turned his head back at you, his singular curl bobbing out of place. The grey streak prominent in the brazen white light.

“I don’t think you will be too happy going straight to bed after dinner mon cher.”

“Why?” You asked, leaning forward, if only to get to the smell of your meal. With another hand he gently grabbed your chin and turned it up. “I have a very special surprise for the two of us.”

Your excitement grew throughout dinner. Whatever was good enough to keep this man up past dinner was bound to be good. And as you sat and chatted with one another, he dropped hints.

“You said you’d felt rather… drab as of recently no?”

“Yes?” You quirked a brow, lightly kicking his foot from under the table. He snorted and schooched his away.

“No, dont do that!” He pouted lightly, “You’ll get dirt on my socks.” You brightened up immediately. “Oh I’m sorry your highness, did you get those socks custom made from god?”

He rolled his eyes.

“These socks,” he continued, “we’re gifted to me from a very special friend very long ago.” He scratched the scruff developing on his chin, the slightest bit of facial hair complimenting his 5 ‘o’ clock shadow.

You let that sit with you a moment, before setting your silverware down and grabbing his hands.

“Why don’t we see that gift you’ve prepared dear?” You proposed, he closed his eyes for a moment, weighing his options before looking back up at you.

“Of course étolie.”

With no other words shared between the two of you he swept your feet from under you. A pitched squeak came from you as you were hoisted off the ground. You held onto him in fear that his arms would give but he smiled back at you.

“What, doubting my strength chérie?” He was smug and sure, somewhere deep within you, you felt you would’ve fallen for the man regardless. His blue-grey eyes were fixiated on the hallway, anticipation welling inside them.

“Are you gonna leave me waiting or are you going to tell me what you have planned?”

“So impatient, we’re nearly to the bedroom no? You can wait a moment longer.” You reached up to push his face to the side but he pulled it from reach. “Ah-ah. Don’t be like that, a surprise-“ he said opening the door with on hand, “Is a surprise.”

The bedroom was the same as it ever was. Grey curtains, with blue fixings, a grey bed, and a misty blue placard.

He set you down on the bed before striding over to the vanity the two of you shared. You attempted a peak over his shoulder, noticing him sneaking his hand into the drawers.

“Ah- ah chérie. Close your eyes, lean back and breathe for me oui?” You sat back, holstering your excitement and turning it into pure energy. You hummed a small tune, closeting your eyes and resting against the headboard as you waited for him.

It got quiet after a while, and you had an almost sinister feeling. Something that felt possesive and strong. The man was staring at you.

His eyes were burning bright red holes through your soul. You needed them out, you wanted them out, it didn’t feel right to just be sitting there waiting for him to sit.

Your racing thoughts buzzed off eight the thrum of the device pressed atop your chest.

Your breath hitched, and just as quick you eased into the mans touch.

He leaned in, holding the contraption closer to your heat. Hot breaths eased over your neck, causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on ease. He chuckled as you grasped onto the back of his shirt.

Your eyes were hazy, and the little light that you could see completely outlined your lover. His smile looked gentle from the mist in your eyes.

“Put it closer.” You breathily moaned, trying to pull yourself closer to him. He allowed himself to lean closer, and you involuntarily nuzzled into him. The small egg inched ever so slowly downward.

“Oh, that is not the way we ask.” He teased, bringing it back by just a smidge. Your body wrought with shivers, aching for the touch again.

It’d been… a very long time.

A longer time than you could remember.

How long had you been here, laying day in and day out. With a man you barely knew.

The vibrator met your sex, sending furious jolts of pleasure wrecking your thought process. Your hands grasped down on his wrist, he hissed a bit in the pain that the motion invoked.

“Étolie, is there an issue? You seem tense, perhaps you need to get your hands on something.” His smirk didn’t meet your eyes, his own hand bright yours to his chest. His warm chest, a feeling so surreal to you contrasted with the sudden vibrations on you.

Your toes curled as he rolled circles around the most sensitive bit of your sex. You ran your hand down his chest, attempting to stabilize your thinking.

It worked for the most part, and you wondered why. You wondered why this man you barely knew, this man who ripped you away from your past life comforted you so. His touch was familiar, as was his scent.

You’d never heard his voice before but you had felt his embrace.

You knew him, but not from any one place. He was a conglomerate of different lovers, different experiences.

His hand led yours to his pants, where he urged you to let yourself go.

And you did, after all… you’ve earned it.

[softzindagi]

this blog may just turn into my caregiver feelings because no one can understand what im going through except someone else going through the same thing on the internet. Not my friends, not even my family members because they are not primary caregivers like i am.

but being a caregiver is rough, its heartbreaking, its taking the wins where you can find them, its googling yourself into an anxious fucking hole, its not knowing what to buy, what to do, or how to help until you watch a nurse in the hospital care for them better than how you are at home.

Being a caregiver is watching your loved one have good days and bad days, watching every single bit of decline with a heart heaviness that makes it hard to do anything but cry once youve had the chance to be alone. It’s getting frustrated and feeling helpless, when agitation settles in and all you can do is try and calm the both of you down, to reason desperately because you don’t want to use the agitation medication just yet, and not in the dosage the doctor said because youre afraid too much will do more damage than good. Its looking at the opioids the doctors prescribe and knowing the downfalls of them all but knowing, in the end, your loved one needs it to be comfortable, to not be in pain all day long.

Being a caregiver is watching your loved one stop eating, stop functioning, as you desperately try to get them to just take the medicines that can make it better, calling the doctors in your family to ask what do you fucking do, only to land in the hospital with the prognosis that your loved one is on a clock and the only thing that can help is a feeding tube, its that or nothing, get ready for the inevitable and make your loved one comfortable.

Being a caregiver is wanting desperately to have the decisions taken out of your hands, to not know what youre supposed to do or how to handle the paths ahead of you. Its feeling the gasping hole of your heart as you realize that nothing has ever been in your hands to begin with, youre stuck waiting for the inevitable hammer to fall. Its being so fucking relieved that your loved one is choosing to get a tube, get the nutrition they need to live on, a way to deliver necessary medication when swallowing has become nearly impossible.

Being a caregiver is having every bit of your life, everything that makes you happy, dull to the heartbreak you cant escape. Its lonely and miserable and no one understands. Your friends are sympathetic, but they dont understand, their lives are not revolving around the constant anxiety, depression, and grief you feel every day, even as your loved one is still there with you, but not there all the same.

Being a caregiver is the hardest fucking thing in the world, and you feel like you cant be strong much longer, youre going to snap and splinter apart any second, nerves frayed thin and a deep ache bearing down on your chest.

And it sucks, it fucking sucks. But no one is going to do it, so you have to. The guilt would eat away at you if you didnt, but it doesnt stop the bitterness, the sadness that your family isnt stepping up the way you are and wont. Its the bitterness of why dont they feel the same guilt, the same drive to care, the same love. So you stop caring, or try to, because what use is bitterness in the face of such grief.

[turtleraccoonsoup]

tw vent

my mom is the only person who can make literally everything about how hard it is for her and how her husband is evil.

my dad has this character he made up. shes like this steampunk fairy thing and ive wanted to draw her since i first heard about her.

today my dad was like "hey u should draw my character" so i thought it would be cool because i was bored and he described some more of her actual design to me and i drew it

i went to show my mom and she was just like "ok. cool." and i just broke the fuck down

when i was 6 fucking years old i started drawing things because she liked art and i wanted to impress her. she had a huge big loving warm reaction to it and i felt amazing. i started drawing all the time and she even put me in an art class. this was like one of my core moments that literally changed my entire me. ever since then i drew every day on any slip of paper i could get my little paws on.

at the start of covid everything was terrible. everything sucked and i started learning things about myself. depression, gender dysphoria, anxiety, full nine yards. i was stuck in my home with my family for months and i just wanted to interact with people. i was all of the depression. i couldn't get up in the morning, i couldn't sleep at night, i couldn't eat, i couldn't run around, everything sucked all the ass.

i lost motivation. all of it.

any motivation to wright or draw or do anything. i lost motivation to live. drawing was my escape mechanism. it made me feel like my mom cared. it made me feel good. and i just couldn't do it anymore. it hurt. it hurt so so much.

eventually i figured i was a lesbian and told my sister who told my dad and he reacted poorly and said i was to young to know. after that, everything went numb. i couldn't feel happy, or angry, or sad. i actually lost my ability to cry for a year. just all of the tears were gone after being a very emotional feeling kid.

i started public school after my mom finally decided i was worthy of not being homeschooled (the art class was my only interaction with other people). i met people i cared about. who cared about me even if i couldn't draw. i met people who were some of the worst people ever. i met people. it was amazing. i went to school every day and talked to people i liked and liked me even though i wasn't special or important.

i started getting motivated again. i started doodiling on any scrap of paper i could find. i started wanting to wright again. i started to get past the numbness. i did get passed the numbness. everything was better. i started finding a personality i liked instead of one just to make my parents happy.

my moms opinion has always mattered. it still does.

going back to what actually brought us to now.

after my mom disregarded my art that i wanted her opinion on i went to my room to go have a breakdown. i started crying and my dad came in and asked me what was wrong. i told him that i showed mom the art and she didn't even look at it. then mom came in and asked what was happening and dad told her. she said shit like

"i was busy."

"i like your art /lie"

"dont do art for other people without them paying you"

"dont get involved with your dads bullshit"

and i told her that this has nothing to do with that, and that i just wanted her to look at my art.

she said all the same shit again

she just would not admit that she fucked up

she kept passing it onto my dad

she kept making up excuses as to why she wasn't in the wrong

eventually dad stepped in and backed me up

and she just said all the same shit again

eventually i told her to fuck off and went to my bed, still crying rivers.

shes literally just in her room watching reruns of her childhood crush right now. like none of this matters to her. like she didn't just rip my heart out of my body, throw it to the ground, and step on it infront of me. like she didn't just fuck up the thing ive hidden in my entire life.

i dont think i can keep drawing

i dont think i can keep thinking about my characters i want to wright.

i dont think i can keep doing this.

fuck this shit man she always says shit about how i shouldnt let others dictate how i feel and not give me an environment i can develop like any sort of healthy relationship with anyone ever

im gonna go doomscroll mlm fanart till i feel better. if you read this, please help me.

[sillyflipping]

DXM 180mg hbr + weed trip report

8:10 PM: packed a bowl and smoked it. around this time, also hit the pen a few times, and a couple hits of nic vape

10:30 PM: Took 180mg DXM hbr in the form of 12 gelcaps, 15mg each. They were a generic store pharmacy brand of gelcaps, but I made sure to get the kind that contained only dxm and no other active ingredients. If you’re going to do dxm, don’t do it if there’s acetamenophin or guafinesin in whatever you’re taking because it can actually kill you, and it is not pleasant to OD on acetamenophin. Before taking the dxm I took one pill of otc dramamine to combat any nausea. The amount I took should get me to a high first plat, *maybe* a low second plat, or at least so says the dosage calculators. I’ve not done much Hbr in my past, I usually used to do freebase pills and occasionally poli (Delysm). I hadn’t done dxm in over a year now, I know it caused me a bunch of problems in my past, but for some reason lately this past week I’d just been craving it for some reason. Honestly in the past few days I’d just been fiending to get fucked up. And now, I’ve finally done it, i’ve taken my first-second plat dose and I’m waiting for it to kick in. I will try and update every hour. Also note I’ve never combined dxm and weed before, so will see if it’s any different. Also If I end up falling asleep will continue to update in the morning or whenever I wake up.

11:30 PM: Don’t notice any signifigant effects. Bit of a headache. Am lying in bed was watching some youtube videos.

12:00 AM head pounding a bit but it’s not intese pain. Just kind of a headache a bit dizzy/disoreinted bit spinny rooms spinny

12:40 AM head hurts, dizzy. This isn’t like the previous times i’ve done dxm, it’s not kickin in as hard, though to be fair I used to do freebase at higher doses and at that time I was also on abilify and lithium. Gonna try and lie down close my eyes cuz my head hurts

3am: wakw up tripping can barely type tbis. CEV’s and body heavy, dizzy visual snow room spinning. mild nausea. Feel like am on low second plat Obviously no ones awake cuz its 3am and idk

3:22 AM: I realize i mustve slept thru the peak of the trip as it’s 3am. I don’t mnow if i ever slept or if ive just been laying here in my own head my thoughts are blunted and despite the dozziness nausea and weird statitc snow visuals, it’s working to makw me not fee emotions. still tripping. hard to type

I cant belive i used to be such a dexhead that id go places like id go grocery shopping w frens back in college while off the dxm. Cant belsiwv it. This shit sucks theres way better drugs oit there this aint it

Dont really feel that cold but am shaking shivering

4am: texted a friend who was up at this hour, probably not about anytning super important. im still in the dextroverse but i think maybe im slowly comin down. There’s still visual snow and a jelly-like state about the air and atmosphere around me. I took like a 2nd plat dose and I’ll edit this trip report for more coherency and grammar once am sober

Dxm is bad trips not mentally. Mentally its pretty good but the body high is awful. Dizy and nausea spinning

4:23am: read some online calvin and hobbes comics. i never read those as a kid before but i feel like i can really understand them better somehow while trippin

4:43am: The comedown is the best part, honestly.

5AM: Still tripping, coming down. Compared to the overwhelming love and joy of a (good) mushroom trip, and compared to the depression and lonelieness i feel in my daily life, this is kinda true neutral. i feel nothing, numb. slighly optimistic tho. dont feel depressed atm. dont feel happy either.

5:40 AM: slowwwlllyyyyyy coming down. i try eating a couple spicy chips (carolina realer cheeto) to see if i can still taste, as sense of taste is often greatly diminished on dxm. The cheetos taste bland, and i feel the heat of the spice but no flavor. Sad.

6AM: less dizzy. head hurts less but still barely hurts a little bit just mildly annoying. The room stopped spinning. Am chillin on the couch, no one else awake yet

7AM: don’t think i’m still tripping, i feel a bit faded but it might be the afterglow or just general me being zooted. The sun is rising

1PM : pupils finally went back to normal size

Thoughts: Dxm fucking sucks. I felt a weird emotion that felt like how a chemical smells. Weird and numb and unable to feel anything. Awful body load. Why would you ever do dxm if you can do anything else. Nostalgia is a liar

[5tr4ylov35t4y]

Dont get over me, Im here

pairing: chan x fem!reader genre: angst in the start,fluff,smut

warning: sadness, clingy chan, SEX...... sweet affirmations reader is scared of thunder

notes:my first real fan fic that i haven't deleted, havent checked my grammar

It's been a week since Chan and I broke up.He has been too busy to be with me, so i started feel lonely and depressed. i couldn't handle it so i broke up with him thinking it was for the better. But damn, do I miss those eyes of his. They used to hold so much adoration for me, but now they're just filled with sadness during his lives that I still watch to help me sleep. I didn't even realize how much he was doing for me until he was gone. He would always be up before me, leaving me a note to start my day with a smile, and he would come to bed after me because he was working on his new track. I miss our happy comforting dinners that we had once in awhile. Now I'm just eating dinner in silence.

For Chan, it was not doing him any good either. The bed would be cold, the apartment would always feel too empty… what was he supposed to do when all his jokes didn't make sense to other people because his other half was not there to laugh? Why did it have to happen so suddenly? Would it not have been easier, fairer for them to both fall out of love at the same time? (At least he thought you fell out of love.) That wasn't how it worked, of course, that would have been far too easy. For it to be mutual and comfortable. Chan had been hurt immeasurably. He did not argue and merely agreed that if y/n was not happy, then it would be best for them to end their relationship. But this was the end he thought, and it fucking hurt. He couldn't cooperate with life as well as he did when you were still together. He never went to sleep now, no matter how hard he did. He would reach over for you, but it was empty.

He didn’t get around to dropping your things off until the next weekend and you hadn’t messaged him asking what the hold up was, he likely didn’t dare The last thing you needed was to sound like his ex nagging him about shit.It was Saturday night, 9pm by the time Chan got away from work and it was pouring with rain. The typical cliche weather for dropping off personal items to someone who broke your heart, The boxes were going to be left on the porch and Chan was going to ring the doorbell and then bail. He wasn’t going to hang around hoping you would talk to him begging him to come inside because the weather was getting harsher.

Chan sat parked outside y/n's place with the engine off listening to the rain splattering hard on the roof of the car. he forced himself out of the car lugging a box through the torrential rain towards the white door. Setting the box down under the porch roof,A rumble of thunder growled above before a flash of lightning lit up the street, just as chan ringed the door bell the light died and the power failed. "fuck," chan said pushing back his hair he knocked on the door and went back to his car trying to start it but it didnt turn on.

chan went back to the door and knocked on the door His knock was near drowned out by the rain and thunder, but he pounded the door until it shook and just when he thought it was better to give up the door swung open and y/n threw herself into chan's arms, her face buried in his shoulder. crying as she said "chan im so scared please stay with me" his heart broke even more, he picked y/n up and walked in closing the door behind them. chan walked to y/n's room with her in his arms the bed was all messy and the sheets were tangled but he still sat on the bed while cuddling y/n when he spoke “I’ll be honest, I thought you already had someone else here with you.” Sure it might have upset y/n for chan to admit such a thing but it would, at least, take her mind off the storm. “I always knew you were one hundred per cent honest with me so I don’t know why I figured you were leaving me for someone else. You’d have told me if you were, I know that.” chan honestly told you

“I love you, chan. I can’t switch that off, I made the decision to leave because I was so lonely. I missed being with you, I missed us being together.” you told him Without thinking, chan leaned down and kissed you softly.“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I made you miserable. I’m sorry that it’s too late to realise it and fix it. I’ll stay until the storm is over and I promise you won’t hear from me again.” chan softly said into your hair “channnnn-, you’re so stupid. I love you so much.” you said right before you assaulted chan with kisses pressed all over his cheeks and forehead until chan had dissolved into laughter and you were just lying against him with your head in the crook of chan's shoulder.

While everything seemed to be genuinely perfect at that moment, chan still needed to know what was going on because it felt the same way as it had when they first got together.

Unfortunately, his question went unasked as the storm, which had seemed to calm for a moment, picked up with renewed energy and the rain battered the windows, the glass rattling from the force and y/n tensed in his arms.

“Stay, stay with me until the storm blows over.”

“Then what?”

“Stay until the next one.”

“What if the next one never comes?”

“Then you can never leave.”

“Okay.”

chan started to leave kisses on your face as his hand went to your hip" are we back together/" he asked softly 'there has to be some ground rules first chan"

His glossy eyes stared into yours. His eyes were filled with hope. “yes love tell me."

Placing your hand on top of his, you began to speak.

“You need to come home every night. You can’t continue to be at work 24/7. You’re already exhausted and you’re just hurting yourself. I’d also like to see you. I don’t want to keep coming home to an empty house.”

Chan nodded, the ghost of a smile could be seen on his lips.

“H-how about…” He began to say.

“Hm, what is it?” You asked.

“How about I try to make up a little for the time I missed out with you tonight?”

You looked at him with curious eyes, “Yeah, and how are you going to do that?” A smile was heard in your voice.

Chan showed you what he meant the moment his hands began to slide down the waistline of your pants. He looked at you with big eyes.

“I know it’s not much but I want to do something at least. If it’s ok with you, of course.”

Rotating your neck, you leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I would love that.”

With your permission, Chan slid off your joggers, followed by your panties. He grabbed them and tossed them near the foot of the bed.

You spread your legs open wider to give him better access. His warm hand traveled down your mound. You always melted at his very touch. His touch was safe and warm. Each time he touched you it sent shivers down your spine.

Dipping his fingers past your slit, he sought out your clit. Placing a gentle touch onto it, he began to move his finger causing you to whine.

“Does it feel alright baby?” He asked as he continued to tease your sensitive bud.

Softly squirming, you responded in a breathy tone, “Mm it’s so nice Channie. F-feels good.”

“Good.” He breathed out in relief. All he wanted to do was pleasure you, to make you feel his love from his touch. He softly attached his mouth to your neck as he continued to play with you. Starting from your earlobe, he began peppering soft kisses down your neck. He could hear the soft breaths you let out at every kiss. Chan continued to plant kisses slowly down your shoulder.

“Whatever my baby wants.” He stuck a second finger into you causing you to mewl.

“Fucking love your fingers Channie! They’re so t-thick.”

Moving his fingers, he began to fuck them in and out of you, “Yeah baby? You like my fingers?”

“Mhm!” you nodded, your head already going hazy.

“You’re just sucking them in, aren’t you?” He said, teasing you.

“Yes!” You cried out.

“Good girl.”

Chan simultaneously fucked his fingers in you as he sucked on your neck. His touch felt amazing, absolutely loving that all his attention was on you and making you feel good.

“Chan.” You breathed out, “I’m almost there!”

“Mm, come on baby, come for me.”

You let go the moment you heard his words, keening as he fucked you through your orgasm. Your muscles clenched as you split all over his fingers.

“You did so good.” Chan whispered into your ear as you fell onto the pillow.

Laying down beside you, you were both face to face with each other. Chan looked at you, smiling at your sleepy expression.

“I love you so much.” Chan said as he raked his fingers through your hair once.

“I love you too Channie.” You whispered out before you fell to sleep.

Chan stared at you for a bit, he admired how beautiful you were. He was so lucky to be loved by someone like you. you have no idea just how much he's head over heels for you. It's like he's under your spell or something.

[salaciousslut]

Done! Also do you have a favorite tequilla brand? Just curious! 🫣

Technically i have freckles all over my face but i only really count the ones that are darker and in a line under my eyes and over my nose, the other ones aren't prominent enough to call them freckles imo. And i'd feel more than lucky if you did worship me, sweetheart<3

I would love to take you to the gym with me, it honestly helped me with my depression as well! And of course i'd watch over you sweetheart<3 i wont lie, i love to go after dark bc theres less people. And i had the same problem but now i catch myself and try to stand straighter. I mostly lift weights when i work out so I know my posture improved due to needing to have a straight back to lift. Plus its super fun imo!! I miss the gym so bad but i hate going alone. I also miss feeling sore, im a bit of a masochist so i love feeling sore the day after working out🤭

Dont apologize for giving me info<3 organization's overrated anyway. Ive found that girls with glasses tend to be my type🫣 you literally sound so pretty sweetheart<3 i knew i wasnt wrong calling you a pretty princess<3 im kissing the tip of your nose and your forehead rn🥰 you are literally so cute, puppy coded too🥺 ive never had crawfish it seems yummy but im not sure if i should try it! Shrimp ceviche used to be my favorite but then i developed a shrimp allergy to uncooked shrimp and around 17 i had to call it quits bc it stopped being worth it to risk it. Im still pissed but at least i can still eat shrimp its just gotta be thoroughly cooked, not just get cooked through the acidity of lime juice like its sucks so bad i just miss ceviche so bad. Ohh just a butch latina and a pretty asian girl what ever will they do hehe<3 and i knew but not cause you told me 🫣 your dni made it obvious, like yeah im just now saying hey but ive been aware of you for a little bit now🫣 also please lemme be ur body pillow one day<3 savory is good!!! Whats your favorite kind of snack?

Also thats adorable, youre just a cute little puppy that has to get off once a day to function her best<3 i mean if i were stressed from school i'd probably need the same thing🤭

tbh im not too picky about my brands, as long as it gets me drunk, then im happy!! also tequila makes me take my clothes off oopsies i think i should warn u about that!! but if im buying for myself, i typically will get espolon bc i feel like its yummy and reasonably priced!

yes i love feeling sore after a workout!! i am also a bit of a masochist (omg who knew)!! but ive never lifted weights before. all the dude bros scare me and i feel like im always being judged but if we went together i know u would take care of me!! i like aerobics and like calisthenics (i had to google how to spell that word) and love yoga sm!! the burn of stretching feels amazing!!

hehe i am very puppy coded! i used to think i was more kitten coded but now ive grown and realized puppies are sooo fun!! so much energy and just wanna be cherished and loved!! which is everything i want!!

nooooo thats so sad that ur allergic to ur fav food :(( i love ceviche but at least u can still tolerate the cooked version. i know its not the same but its still something!!

ohhh i forgot that i put that in my dni, people are so weird about race here smh i just gotta cover all my bases so i can have fun on this website!! but aww we would look soooo cute together

im a sucker for chips. u know how they say all bi girls do is lie and eat hot chip? yeah all i do is eat hot chip hehehe. not so much lying but hot chip very much so. i also loveee chips and salsa and chicken wings and yeah all the fun savory stuff i guess!!!

hehe cumming is like a lil treat!! a reward for myself for being sooo good you know? but it would be a million times better if someone else was making me cum rather than myself 😳🫣

[ohyoru]

Hey im not good with words or english, but its ok to feel burnt out or tired. Youre not obligated to provide anything to us. You are an author who writes for free. Maybe to have fun maybe to express yourself. You have your own life and thats a good thing. I havent been playing genshin in a while because theres so much work i need to do there like building characters. I havent watched link click s2 because i cant bring myself to sit down for that long. Im sure everyone has something like this happening to them and i just remind myself that it doesnt matter that much. Post unfinished things, make your character builds crap, dont finish a book youve started it doesntmatter. Its about having fun. Its about forgetting your problems(at least for me) or its about spending time with your online friends. Taking a break is necessary. Spending time for yourself is necessary. Taking care of yourself is necessary. I hope i could get my message across. I cant even take my own advice seriously as im too scared to post this without anon but i hope i was able to make you feel better somehow. I also want to say i really love your works even if i dont know who the person you’re writing about is. Ive been following your works for a while and i dont regret it one bit. I would be pretty sad if you were to stop writing for certain people but if it makes you feel happy then i dont mind and im sure others wouldn’t mind it as well. Youre free to do whatever you want ( as long as youre not intruding on other peoples freedom obviously) thank you for reading my wordvomit written in an attempt to comfort you.

dearie anon,

to have you in my inbox is already a blessing enough for me. thank you so much for taking the time of your day to cheer me up, you have no idea how much this means to me (brb crying i dont deserve you sob)

first of all, your message got across. i'm not sure about your english being not good part, but really, your message resonates with me on a level deeper than language can ever explain, truly.

i appreciate your kind reminder that i shouldn't feel obliged to write for anyone. i honestly feel like it's eating me out because i put myself in the equation as well. i had been a writer before, back when tokyo revengers (anime) was still in its first season since i'm more of a manga reader. if you were in that era, you might came across my work. alas, things happened. what used to be good memories (including writing) turned into very hurtful ones and i stopped doing what i love because they're causing me so much pain. nonetheless, i still slowly died inside. it took me a while to be at peace with my past and understand that writing is what makes me the person i am. so i'm determined to start again and keep it up. but when life gets in the way and hold me back from writing (again), it depresses me. (including not playing genshin). honestly, i'm feeling lonely. what and who i used to know and love seemed to only exist in the past. people moved on, topics became irrelevant, relationship broke. which i don't blame, but it still makes me cry once in a while.

sorry for the traumadump uh- i feel like i should explain myself a little. i hope that didn't scare you too much. but anyway, you're right! i should do whatever i want. maybe i need to reframe my perspective. i love that you mention about reading book thingy because i have the same issue and yes, i'm a reader through and through. but it's been so long since i read.. the irony. maybe all i need to do is start. and love myself a bit more to stop torturing myself with unnecessary thoughts..

you know what anon? i love the past me. i dont remember exactly what i love about her, but she used to be so at peace. i'm trying to find my way back to her, and i think you're helping me set my way there, so thank you. i dont know about your problems, but if you're willing to share, i'm more than happy to listen. don't forget to take care of yourself too okay? i hope your days ahead are the loveliest yet!

also, thank you for appreciating my works! when i started writing again, i told myself and whoever that's willing to take the time of their day to consume my content that i don't need anyone's attention or approval (shadowban be damned. if it happens, it happens). i did it solely for myself. but god knows how much your kind words and others' fill up the spaces in my heart.

i'm not going to ask anything from my works. your support is something i could never repay, but i'll always appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

(btw yes, you did send this on anon hehe i got a hunch on who you might be but if you prefer to keep it a secret, then rest assured, your secret is safe with me!)