#edcpa

[thecagedbird]

ED treatment assessments are soo annoying

"can you tell me a little bit about the start of your ED?" "sure, but i've done an assessment w/ you guys before, can't you access that info?" "no, we need an updated history" ...even though the origin of my ED is the same? okayy

"how many times do you vomit w/in each purging episode?" (???? one? i do not understand the question? am i dumb?)

then she just put me on hold w/o explanation (after asking "have you had any recent hospitalizations?" [yes, non-ED related]-"i'm sorry, give me one second [hold music]")

"what is your understanding of treatment?" (uhh, it's a place you go for help? what is the question?)

also she was just generally kind of rude...i know she has to go thru the standard set of questions but wtf

anyway, they're submitting my info for clinical review and i should hear back w/in the next couple of days

ideally i admit to IOP or PHP but i know my weight isn't where it needs to be and it's possible they recommend HLOC...which i don't think i need (for a variety of reasons) but i know it's hard to weight restore at an outpatient level...my new job has an expected start date of 5/3 which would give me time in res, if need be-anybody have any thoughts?

(pros: more structure/support/accountability/time for weight restoration cons: getting stuck in the treatment cycle, the triggering environment that exists in HLOC (potential to get worse before getting better), feeling the need to rush back/leave AMA, etc.

accepting advice/feedback

[thecagedbird]

Went to my doctors appt this morning secretly thinking “great, I can get a more accurate estimate on my weight” and I show up to an analog/mechanical/old school scale w/ the slidey things?!?! Wtf is this shit?

[thecagedbird]

met w/ my RD this afternoon (because she's awesome and super accomodating)

even though [i feel like] i struggled a lot this week w/ ED behaviors/thoughts/urges, she said "i'm really really happy with what i saw and what you sent me; this is exactly what i need to see" (referring to my food/symptom/weight/movement journal). i cannot w/ her, she is so so sweet and understanding.

ED related goals for the week (mostly hosting to remind myself/stay accountable but you have my permission to check in to see how i'm doing w/ them!)

reduce, if not eliminate b/p behaviors

add supplement at least 3x/wk (especially movement/work days if possible)

eat 6-7x/day, ideally every 3sh hours

be honest w/ PCP & EDCPA intake assessment; stay open-minded

[thecagedbird]

feeling a little better after

b/p episode

a nap (even though i slept like 10hrs last night)

iced coffee

made cookie dough (which i'm offering to give away in my buy nothing fb group-coping skill + service - ED urge = recovery things[?])

yoga

turned down work's call to come in and help close tonight becase a.) boundaries b.) i covered for 2 people last week c.) i finally have a day off d.) it's raining and i really don't want to go in and e.) i actually have an appointment anyway

not exactly looking forward to my RD appt tonight, even though she's generally super sweet. i have a lot of shame around behaviors this week & not exactly meeting the expectations we set last week, plus i have to discuss the EDCPA tx recommendation of residential which I'm likely not accepting soo...idk, i just don't have the energy for it

[thecagedbird]

even though i had a symptom-y afternoon (which wasn't nearly as 'satisfying' as i was imaging it would be-it never is, why do i always feel so compelled to engage in ED behaviors??) going to try to do yoga, attend [virtual, substance use] IOP, and an AA meeting. kind of entertaining the idea of eating an 'appropriate' dinner(?) because #recovery/getting back on track, or whatever?

alsoo EDCPA keeps calling and i'm low-key ignoring them...[@iamgloing]

suddenly so tiredd.