#eden listen. listen. you're doing god's work eden

[carmenized-onions]

Doing Too Much. | House Call

logline; Appliances can reach their breaking point, when you push them too far. Same goes for people.

[!!!] series history, this is the sixth; First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth

[New Thing!!] Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin' added to.

portion; 4.8k

possible allergies; eatin' meat, besides that, we're pretty good actually. did somebody say calm before the storm....?

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (no pronouns, but girl is said a couple times, i believe.)

After this chapter, I'm entering my era of couch hopping as I move to a new city n start a new job. I'm really excited for the chapter after this one, so hopefully I actually get time to write it-- But that's just my lil warning if you're left rereading for like two weeks </3 But I'll def be stalking my activity/inbox so please do yap to me

Monday morning. The next morning after everything. Well, closer to noon than morning, at this point. You’re supposed to have, what, a work ethic this week? After the most insane weekend of your life? No. You’re lazing around and doing fuck all. No matter who calls. Well… Not completely no matter, but like, most people.

When you check your phone, you’ve gotten a text at 6:43 A.M. Unknown number. Ah. Carmen. You put him in as Carmy, and put his nickname as ‘Mister New York’. Listen, old nicknames Mikey ingrained in your brain die hard.

It’s a simple text, deeply un-romantic.

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

Then, four lines of four perfect categories. Flawless. Purple first, even. The hardest category. And then,

‘Morning’

Stupid. Incredibly stupid, to be enamoured, by this. You reply,

‘Good morning!’

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

And then a failed jumble of coloured squares, you get one out of four categories. What the fuck is 'dogleg' and since when has it meant taking a sharp turn? You follow that up with,

‘Fuck you.’

Aside from Carmen, you’ve actually gotten texts from a couple people. Your boss at Eden’s asking if you’re alright. What the fuck did Cicero say? Oh well. You tell him you’ve ‘been better, been worse. Will be okay by next week.’ Perfectly vague, and you still get wired your cheque and tip out. Alright, maybe Uncle J does deserve your free labour.

Speaking of, the next text on your itinerary is from Uncle J, just info for the winter nuptials of Vinnie and Mira. Oh yeah. Three-hundred guests, you remember that part. You also remember him saying it’d be an ‘easy gig’… He did not mention you’d be the only bartender. This is going to be a nightmare. Oh well. You text back that despite it being an open bar you get to put out a tip jar. He just reacts to it, ‘haha’. That sounds like a yes to you.

And then, adorably, a selfie from Syd, wearing the collar and pins you’ve gifted her, under a green sweater. Cutie. You hype her up accordingly.

Besides some texting though, Monday is relatively unbusy. No calls. No emergencies. No businesses knocking down your door for your services. You’re thankful for a break, letting the inertia set in, finally being able to relax after fix after fix after—

Tuesday comes, you get sent another perfect round of New York Time’s Connections around half past six in the morning, along with a good morning text. And again, you fuck it up. You send him your Wordle results this time, as an act of rebellion. You then ask,

‘How’s reworking the menu going?’

‘Hard to say’

‘Ask me tomorrow’

God he’s an awful texter. Horrifically dry. You know you’re down bad beyond a belief when you find that endearing. You spend Tuesday drowning and pruning your plants after depriving them for so long.

Plus working on your art piece for Carmy. You’re pulling out old film photos, a canvas, and a load of bleach—It’s like high school art class all over again— Surprise surprise, the handyman who loves to up-cycle is a mixed media artist. Who could’ve guessed?

While trimming a photo, an exterior of The Beef, a picture frame on your wall falls down behind you, you tut, turning your head to it, chastising the air. “Mikey! It’s a copy, relax! I’ve still got the original print…”

There’s every chance you’re insane— No, you’re definitely insane. But you’re allowed to be, your best friend died, you’re allowed to talk to the air as if he’s still around. Sometimes the timing of doors swinging open for you and things falling down are just too uncanny to not be a ghost.

Wednesday arrives, and again, just after 6:40, Connections results. And the Wordle, this time; plus a ‘Good Morning’. It looks like this is simply just your thing, now. Every morning, the second both of you get up, you send each other puzzles and wish a good morning. You don’t mind that. It’s nice to have a ‘thing’, with someone. With Carmen.

Part way through the day, around two o’clock, you get another text. Two, actually. From Carmen, in quick succession.

‘Are you busy?’

‘Don’t worry if you’re busy. Can call Fak’

You’re quick to reply, frankly deeply offended.

‘Are you fucking firing me????’

‘I’m gonna get ready. Text me details’

While getting dressed, you watch three dots bubble, bubble, bubble… He’s taking forever, just don’t look at it, you’ll get anxious for no reason. No jumpsuit today, you’ve got to switch it up every now and again. Navy cargo pants with the perfect number of pockets and zippers, and an orange Chicago’s Kindest shirt, tucked in. Hm. Looking in the mirror, hickey is still there. Lighter, but there. Foundation? No. You’ll sweat it off and that’ll just bring up more questions. If Syd asks you’ll just tell her you fell down the stairs… On your neck. She's not the type to confront anything remotely sexual anyways.

Speaking of Syd, before Carmen can text you back, she calls you, which is fair— Don’t leave a Carmen to communicate. You stick your phone in the crux of your neck and answer while you pack your utility belt. This feels nearly nostalgic. “What’s fucked?”

Carmen is in the background; you can hear the tail end of a sentence, grumbling. “—Don’t call—”

“My life.” She responds without missing a beat. “And also, Carmy’s stove and oven.”

“Oh.” You squint. “What the fuck happened?”

“Overuse? I actually don’t fucking know, it just stopped working. We plugged it in and out— He even reset his apartment’s breakers. I dunno what’s wrong with it. It’s probably got something to do with him putting his fuckin’ jeans in there.”

“…He what?”

You can hear him in the background, again, clearer this time, grimacing, “What are you doing to me?”

Syd does not mind him at all, continuing, “I know! He’s fucking weird!”

“He’s extremely weird.” You like him a lot. “I’ll be over soon, were you guys like, mid-cooking?”

“Yessir.”

“Christ, alright… I think I have a dual burner hot plate laying around somewhere, you want me to bring it—”

They both speak clearly this time, together, “Please.”

You’ve got a pile of things to give to them anyways, and maybe you miss Carmy’s face. Just a little.

Instead of just buzzing you in, Carmy comes down for you. When he sees you through the door window, carrying a cardboard box, he almost breaks into a full run. He’s somehow opening the door, grabbing the box from your hands, and chastising you all at the same time. “You should’ve left it in the car, I would’ve—”

You step in through the entryway and kiss his cheek, cutting him short. You can’t help yourself, it’s the first time you’ve seen him since and you feel like a giddy teen. The teenage girl in your head is no longer just in your head, she’s fully manning the station. “You’re very sweet. But it’s also not heavy.”

When he continues to be frozen, the regret starts to mount, “Is—Sorry, is that okay to do—?”

“It’s very okay to do.” He manages to reply, with haste. Nodding to himself. “It’s good.” He nods again, then marches off, expecting you to follow to the elevator. You do.

“What floor?”

“Eighth.” He sniffs; you press the button. He stands next to you, looking you up and down. He astutely observes. “Orange.”

“Yeah.” You smirk, looking back at him, “Turns out, businesses can have two colours in their designs.”

What’s a little roasting of fellow small businesses between two not just friends?

“Oh yeah?” Coy, smirking. Oh no. You’ve gotta get the teen off the controls. He tilts his vision to stare at your jacket. Ah. You opted to wear your Carhartt instead of his jean jacket.

“Didn’t wanna give Syd more questions.” She already guessed you’re a sugar baby, you don’t want to wrap Carmen in on that too. Especially since ideally in a month or two he’ll be your boss. Hm. The Bear is going to need an HR.

He hums, nodding. “We’re not telling Syd?”

“What’s there to tell?” You grin, crossing your arms. “You suddenly have free time, Bear?”

He takes a beat, thinking, then just takes a deep frustrated yet amused exhale. “I’m gonna fuckin’…” He can’t think of a threat. “…Get you.”

You snort, “You’re gonna get me?”

“Fuck you—!” “You’re gonna fuckin’ get me, Bear?”

“I—” He tries to hold a straight face, it doesn’t work. “Yeah, I am.”

“Can’t wait.” You nod, grinning, turning back to the doors. “You told me to ask how menu’s going tomorrow.”

“I did.”

“It’s tomorrow.” The door dings, opening on the eighth floor; you step out together. He switches his grip to hold the box in one arm. Alright Biceps, we don’t need to brag here...

“It’s… We’re getting there.” He grimaces. “Syd’s recipes are always… Almost perfect.”

“Ah.” You nod, you know your friend well enough to know where this is going. “And she fucks up one thing hard?”

“Mhm.”

“And when you tell her it’s okay and give her a hand she just feels worse?”

He nods. A touch surprised you’re right on the dot so quickly. “Everything ends up perfect, but I think she’s finding the edits…”

“Demoralizing.” You walk down the hall together, he nods. “I know what she needs, I’ll find an in.”

“You always do.” He hums, you walk just a touch ahead of him, unknowingly walking past his door. He pulls you back by the back of your jacket, making you stumble back into him. This seems to be this villain’s intention; as when you turn around, he’s quick to grab your chin and kiss you.

“It’s very good.” He emphasizes, again, before opening his door and acting like everything’s totally normal and fine. Since when did he turn the tables and make you the desperate one? Son of a bitch.

Ah. Actually, subtract any attraction you had in this moment— He lives like this? Books on the floor, by the window. Jeans on the dinner table, because they were in the oven. The kitchen actually looks alright— You’re almost certain that’s purely for utilitarian purposes while they’re working on the menu. This motherfucker better have a bed frame or him asking you to sleep over would be downright offensive. God, he’s wonderful. God, you’re an idiot.

You find Syd at the table, moping, head in hands. Carmen sets the box down, sitting beside her. You pat the top of her head. She silently moves one of her hands to go over yours. You nod. The silent exchange of girls who know.

“Yeah?”

She nods, grumbling. “Yeah.”

Carmen has no fucking idea what’s happening and he’s never been more intrigued by a near wordless social interaction in his entire life. What? You’re not even making eye-contact. What the fuck is happening?

You fish through the box with your free hand, grabbing a pot. You place it in front of Syd. “Look.”

She peeks through her fingers. A tiny but flourishing nursery pot of basil sits before her. You speak. “You’re gonna hyper-fixate on this basil I’m gifting you, and then you’re gonna crack back into it with the dual burner until I’m done fixing the oven.”

She nods, putting her hands in her lap, “Yes, Chef.”

You pull out a second nursery pot, setting it down for Carmen. “For you.”

“What for?”

“Basil grows like a motherfucker and it’s getting unhinged. I need to start pawning off to people that’ll make good use of it. A-K-A, chefs.” You look at Syd, pointedly, “Talented chefs.”

You hand off the heating pad— Wrapped in brown paper with a card tied to it, to Carmen. “For Nat.” You add, when he looks confused, “Can’t imagine I’ll see her sooner than you will.”

He looks even more confused, when you hand him a spray bottle full of reddish water. It’s one of the good spray bottles, too. Continuous. Carmen wouldn’t know the difference, but you do. “Rosemary. —Water, that is.”

He squints; you clarify, gesturing to your own hair. “You mentioned, losing hair, so— Thought I’d make some, with the trimmings of rosemary I had. Got ginger and cloves in it, too.”

Why have you trapped him in hell? You’ve remembered such a specific off hand from days ago and acted on it? And he can’t express the grandiose level of affection he feels right now? Are you serious? You’re the devil. You’re absolutely the devil. He just coughs out a ‘thanks’.  

“And, the pièce de résistance,” You pull out the old ass, boxed up double burner countertop stove. “A stovetop that ideally fuckin’ works. It was my single claim to fame in my college dormitory.”

Carmen’s already opening the box. Sydney smirks, curiosity peaked. “Was that legal?”

“You a fuckin’ RA?” You grin, poking her forehead. “It was not. And that’s exactly why everyone loved me— Didn’t serve them fuckin’ hot pockets.”

The configurations of Carmen’s apartment would be great for literally any occasion besides the current one. The kitchen is narrow, and so, when you pull out the stove to check the back, there’s an estimated no fucking room left for Carm and Syd, so they sit at the dinner table with your stove top. You’d think they’d look like they’re doing a cute hot pot. No. They look like two conflicted and confused twelve-year-olds working on a science project.

So do you, honestly. Wiring is definitely more your speed than plumbing, but if you’re being honest, this is the first oven you’ve worked on without your dad, and you’re having a hard time remembering everything. There’s a lot of embarrassed Googling on your phone, when you're sure they’re not looking. They can’t know you’re even slightly incompetent!

You’re pretty sure it’s just a couple damaged wires, fried from overwork— Easy fix, if you had wire. You don’t. Slightly harder fix. But soldering is your bitch really, you’re in your bag. You look stupid, wearing chunky goggles and a respirator, but you’re in your bag, baby! What’s that one saying? Skills make you hot? That’s not a saying.

But it is true. When Carmen’s able to peer into the kitchen, quickly looking over his shoulder when Syd takes a moment to write a measurement or direction down, you look stunning.  Respirator and all. You just look correct there, in the kitchen. His kitchen. So stunning he feels guilty. Do you find it annoying? Constantly fixing errors behind him? Probably. You say it’s not a lot of work, but that can’t be true.

“How’s The Bear, ‘sides menu rework?” You ask, raising your voice in the kitchen.

“S’good.” Carmen. “I’m in hell.” Syd. Not hard to tell which statue is lying, here.

Syd stutters on, “Nat’s takin’ care of baby Michaela— Which is very good and—and cool, actually.”

“But?”

“But we’re back to handling the business side entirely ourselves, for like— The next month. Maybe two? Fuck, are we doing the wedding without her?” Sydney almost burns her sauce, Carmen’s quick to move it off the burner.

He mutters, “Don’t even start to think about it. It’s gonna be fine. We’re gonna figure it out.”

“Oh yeah, wedding— Have you gotten your menu yet?” You call from the kitchen, muffled by your respirator.

“Oh my god!” Sydney exclaims, and Carmen is wincing. She can’t tell you things are going wrong; doesn’t she know that? You’ll fix it, if things are wrong. You always fix it. Fix him. You’re gonna put him in your phone as Carmy Bad News. If you haven’t already. Start a support group with Tif.

Syd continues, “They’re so fucking particular and somehow also vague—Like, ‘we want salmon and chicken’ for main course— What kind of preparation? ‘Surprise us!’ Okay, how about roasted chicken—? ‘Mmmm, no, not that’. I’ve been told ‘non quello’ at least ten times in the last four days.”

No, you’re witty. Bad News Bear. Fuck, that’s definitely his name in your phone, isn’t it?

“Fuckin’ nightmare. Y’know, I’m the only fucking bartender? For like three hundred guests? Thank God they’re not asking for a custom cocktail or anything, I’d lose my shit.”

Sydney laughs, and she steps back into her flow easily, reducing the sauce without burning it, now. She looks more serene than she has in days. What? How are you doing that? What are you doing? Are you casting a spell?

“Can you even fucking imagine what their couples’ cocktail would be?”

You groan from the kitchen, laughing in return, “Not you too, Syd! Must you make me work!?”

“C’mon maestro, make a cocktail!”

“Bleh. Uh… They give long island iced tea energy, but it’s a wedding so— Like a boozier negroni?”

“That sounds fucking disgusting.”

“I didn’t say it’d be good, I said it’d be their couples’ cocktail.” You’re both giggling, like school girls. It’s like you said— You become teens, together.

Despite the fact that Syd is making an incredibly complex dish, and you’re fixing an oven—His oven— Ridiculing the other impossible tasks set out for the both of you… Despite all of that, you’re laughing.

Carmen is, what, nearly thirty? A restaurant owner, with a full crew, who attends Al-Anon, and is only now truly registering the power of an unsolvable burden being shared. Not fixed, shared. Talking. Laughing. God, this all comes so easy to you, doesn’t it?

You finish soldering, test each burner, and the oven— All working, thank God. You quietly cheer in the kitchen, removing your respirator and goggles. “We’re good here! Fixed!”

“C’mere!” Syd calls out to you, and so you do. Eagerly. She hands you a fork. Unprompted, she does the thing. You’d missed the OG, really.

“Beef Oxtail, pressed in a Foie Gras casing, seared. Basted in a King Oyster mushroom sauce. Pureed greens on the side.”

“I never know what the fuck you’re saying.”

She pushes the side of your face with the palm of her hand. “Put it in your mouth and chew.”

You want to make some sort of kink joke, but you respect the already struggling man in the room and take a bite. Hm. Hm. You put a finger over your mouth, swallowing. “...Now it might just be my unrefined palate.”

“That’s why we have you try it.” Carmen pipes in. Syd nods, following. “It’s important to know the baseline.”

“…It’s got like,” You hand the fork to Syd so she can try it, while you think. “A bit of a bitter aftertaste? Which might be the… goal?”

Syd spits it out the second it touches her mouth, she shouts your name, your actual name— A rarity. She’s so terrified that she forgets the Walk-In bit she’s been in on all week. “I just fuckin’ poisoned you— Oh my god?! Are you good? That was— Fuck! You swallowed that?!”

She grabs your face like a concerned mother, also maybe to check if you have superpowers, you’re not sure. All you know is there’s a golden opportunity to make another sex joke and you have to hold back. Life is so unfair.

Carmen takes a quick taste, also spitting it out. “I’ve got it, Chef, don’t sweat.” Immediately looking to the drafted recipe card to see where they went wrong.

Syd almost squeezes your cheeks like a stress ball but thinks better of it, letting go, groaning, beyond frustrated at this point. “You shouldn’t have to fix it— I should fuckin’ have it, at this point.”

Carmen's trying to ignore how much he relates to the sentiment. He's not the focus, right now.

“We make mistakes, Chef—” “Syd.” You snap your fingers, pointing to her, interrupting Carmen. “Can you help me grab something, from my car? It’s kinda big.”

Carmen’s quick to chime in, already going to untie his apron, “I can—”

“No!” You look at him pointedly, trying to communicate through look alone. He kind of gets it? “It’s… Girl stuff.”

Syd squints. “You need me to help you carry a big girl thing?”

“…Are you fuckin’ helping or are you gonna poke holes?”

“What are you actually dragging me out for?”

“Technically I do actually need your help grabbing something, it’s just not a girl thing. And it's also not from my car.”

“Oh?”

You walk out of Carmen’s building with his keys, and gesture out to every apartment buildings treasure trove— The spot everyone throws their furniture when they move out and don’t know what else to do with it.

“Bookshelf!” There is actually one pristine looking bookshelf, a cheap one, definitely just something from IKEA. But it’s better than the fucking floor. “I spotted it on my way in, we’re gonna bring it up for Carm.”

She groans, hating the concept of manual labour, but still walks with you and grabs one end anyways. “Why didn’t you make Carmen carry his own bookshelf?”

“Because you need a fuckin’ pep-talk.” You pick the other end of the bookshelf up. It’s thankfully not that heavy. You walk backwards so you can keep facing Syd.

“…I don’t—” “Yes the fuck you do.”

She kisses her teeth, you frown. “What’s up, Adamu?”

“It’s just fucking annoying— I keep, I keep fucking it up. I keep—Keep—”

“Doing too much.”

She gives you a look, ‘are you serious?’, type look. You continue. “You’re doing too much. You’re not cooking like you.”

“I can cook like Michelin—”

“I never said you couldn’t. Watch your step.” You interrupt, walking over a bump in the sidewalk. “You can do star level shit, Syd. But that’s a grade, not a type.”

She kind of reels, at that. You continue, “You cook great complex dishes, you always have, I’ve tried them. But now, you’re all caught up trying to prove some shit, to Carmen, to—to— Who gives stars? The tires guy?”

She laughs, almost dropping the bookshelf. “Yeah, I’m trying to impress the tires guy.”

“Fuck you.” You snort, stepping up the stairs. “What I’m trying to say is, you should make what you want to eat, not what you think you should eat.”

She nods, you stop on top of the stairs, both taking a second to breathe. “…Thanks.”

You nod back, hands on your knees for a second before standing back up, opening the lobby door. “I’ll always be your cheerleader, Syd.”

“More like coach.”

“Can you let me have one hot girl career, please?”

When you get back up to Carmen’s, he’s already grimacing. You and Syd are split apart by the bookshelf standing between you in the hall. “Fuck is this?”

“It was free and I’ll clean it!” You press your hands together pleading. “C’mon, you can even put your jeans in it!”

“Jeans on a bookshelf?”

You turn to Syd. “Better than the oven.”

“I think he’s doing that to dry them.”

“I think it’s ‘cause he doesn’t own a dresser.”

“It’s both.” Carmen clicks his tongue, single-handedly picking up the bookshelf and carrying inside. Alright, does he need to show off this much? Whatever. It’s definitely not making you feel any type of way at all.

You squint, watching him walk further in his apartment, and then to Syd. You speak at the same time. “He stays doing too much.”

As promised, you wipe down the bookshelf, making sure it’s free of grime and roadside pests. Syd and Carmy work together in the kitchen, with a now functioning oven. You load the shelf up with the books on the floor— Thankfully they’re piled into categories already, so you don’t have to bother him about that.

You’re tempted to clean his living room, but that would probably be rude, right? Don’t want him to take it as you saying he’s a slob. But they are taking a while… Alright, you’ll just throw out trash. You won’t fold blankets or pick up dishes or anything. Just trash! No big! He can’t be mad at you for that.

You pile together the garbage, then sneakily throw it out in the kitchen trash can as fast as you can, before he looks. He’ll think he’s just sleep cleaning, or something. “How’s it goin’ in here?’

Carmen pipes up, eyes focused on the dish as Syd plates it. “Good.” Syd holds the plate in one hand, and silently corrals you with the other to sit at the table. You do. She sets it down the plate before you, handing you a fork and knife.

You look up at her expectantly. She shakes her head. “Eat first, this time.”

She looks serious, so you nod, cutting into the dish. It’s different from the last one. Instead of oxtail, it’s pastry. Or at least, a puff pastry exterior. You’re pretty sure it’s Pillsbury, you remember Carmen buying that, the other day, on your excursion.

Inside it, you believe is the beef oxtail, there’s other things, too. Some sort of sauce, some greens— Oh well, no time to bask in the cross section because Syd looks like she’s about to explode. You take a bite. You nod, chewing.

Syd starts, “Searing the duck caused the bitter taste— So instead of- Of searing the outside, I coated it in the mushroom sauce, the greens— Not pureed, this time, for texture. Your basil, too. There’s a crumble of feta, for a subtle tang. And then wrapped it all together in puff pastry, and baked. It’s sort of like, a varied take on a beef welling—”

“You made a fucking gourmet hot pocket?” You swallow, wheezing. The second you say this, Sydney’s focused face beams, laughing, like she’s just pulled off the most perfect prank of all time.

Carmen was so intrigued and focused on Sydney’s explanation, that you watering it down to hot pocket and being right makes his entire system reboot. He cannot stop smiling, aghast. He's been helping Syd make a hot pocket for the past hour?

“I told you to make what you want and—” wheeze “—you make a fucking hot pocket?!” You double down, laughing with her, she’s trying to defend herself but she can’t stop wheezing in tandem.

“I— I can’t fuckin’ stand you!” You snort, covering your face with your arm. “I hate your ass, oh my God, Syd.”

“Did—” snort “What did you think?” She recovers, slowly but surely.

You shake your head, handing her the fork. “It’s sick, Syd, obviously, it’s fucking perfect… Chef.” You tack on at the end, almost forgetting. “I’m not gonna be able to have an actual hot pocket, ever again. You’ve ruined my life.”

She takes a bite for herself, nodding. She does a small cheer, pumping her fist. “Let’s fucking go.” She points her fork at you— Purely on muscle memory, and you both instantly remember the days of her testing out recipes and you pairing them on first taste. She’d point her fork to you like a microphone. It was a fun game between two nerds.

It’s a reflex response for you, even now. “Barolo. Savory, dry, red. A young one, though. Light body. Could also do an Amarone, if you’re not buried in money.”

She hands the fork off to Carmy to try it, then writes the pairings down, mumbling, amusement still in her voice. “How the fuck do you do that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I think I have some wires crossed.”

“Fire, Chef.” Carmen swallows his bite. “We cannot call it a hot pocket on the menu.”

“Then what’s the point!?”

Leaving Carmen’s place is objectively the most awkward experience— But also the funniest. You offer to wait for Syd and drive her home— You’ll need a second to pack anyways while they make their business plans.

When you do offer, of course, Carmen stutters short, almost asking you again to sleep over or at the very least stay late, but saves it, realizing himself.

Syd accepts the ride offer. You pack up and wait for her to be done. When she is, Carmen offers to carry your things down with you both, in which Syd accuses him of thinking you’re both weaklings— He does not have a defense case for this, he has to let you go. You can tell he wants to kiss you at the door, and you do too. Sadly, you’re equally down bad, but he can’t know that…

You say your goodbyes, Syd helps you load your tools and hotplate in the trunk of your car. Your phone vibrates. Text from Mister New York.

‘Look up I’m on the balcony. 8 floors.’

You look up, sure as shit, he’s out there, cigarette in mouth. Unlit. He waves, you wave back. He texts again, in rapid succession.

‘Thank you’

‘For helping Syd’

‘And the oven and the hot plate and the bookshelf (not necessary)’

‘nbd + I think it’s v necessary’ Does Carmen understand acronyms? You’re risking it, here.

‘and cleaning my trash’ Sonofabitch.

‘ah fuck. I don’t think you’re messy!!! I just wanted to help!!!’

‘I know. You’re you. Be safe.’

Oh goddammit, stupid dry texter, saying something so gah. You jump as Syd taps the roof of your car behind you, getting your attention. Watching from a far distance, Carmen laughs, though you don’t notice it.

“Are we going?”

“Yes! Sorry!” You hurriedly pocket your phone, waving one last time as you get in your car. Syd sits beside you in shotgun, her pot of basil sat safely in her lap. You drive off.

You’re half way down the road, when Syd pipes up again. “So y’all are fucking, correct?”

You almost brake check the guy behind you.

 “How do you fuckin’ do that!?”

the opening is dedicated to my dear friend and i who have sent our wordle results to each other everyday for the past like year and a half.

Things of note, one - people usually skip the shit up top-- I made a spotify playlist! Listen if you like, I'm not your dad.

Two, I know this is a self insert right, i know what I set myself up for-- Do you know the hell i am in as a syd x carmy girl writing scenes with both of them and it NOT being them? What have I done, to myself? The only coping mechanism I have is imagining in this universe Syd is a lesbian. And that is helping.

The hot pocket recipe-- Who fucking knows, if that would taste good? I think it would? In theory? I fucked with a dish from Daniel NYC, to make it into a bit. Would it work? ....Beef wellingtons do, I can't see why this can't???? Idk man.

Rosemary water w cloves and ginger does fucking work btw. I am part of the so stressed out i lost my hair brigade. Also basil does grow like a motherfucker.

We're seein' a little bit of that tenseness that comes with being in an 'almost relationship' both of them feel like they've got something they can fuck up now. Poor birds. They'll be okay. Probably.

I'm really excited for the next chapter, I don't wanna give shit away, but it's gonna be,,,,,, different. I haven't seen anyone try this kinda formatting on tumblr before, and I'm excited to see what you think. Between my moving and how complex the choreography of it is gonna be, it's gonna be a much longer minute between this chapter and the next, I fear. But listen, you already knew your ass was gettin' spoiled with a chapter every two days. Hehe.

As always, please come yap to me in the replies/inbox/dms/reblogs. I love to hear thoughts!! It sustains me, baby!!

Next Part

[sonicblueartist]

Are your requests actually open for bullfrog? If so, is it alright to request for yandere headcanons of him? ( or oneshot if that fits more to your liking! ) With human reader that possibly works for eden?

It doesn't has to be anything bloody! Any yandere scenarios that fits him are fine, You can change the scenario if you want it too

And sorry if im misunderstood it! You can just delete this request if i did so!

A/N: Yandere looks so out of character of him. But I give it a try for you dear anon~ Yan!Bullfrog and a worker of Eden? (It's not like humans and hyberds already have a complex realationship enough) Oh jeez. We are going in a big rollercoster ride here, so buckle up your seats guys! 😏👀☕️💦

I need one more thing to say. There is a similar ask like this one. A reader working for Eden. So I'm gonna change this request a slightly bit, so both wouldn’t cross much. I hope that's alright for you :)

AND SO SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT AAAA--

Bullfrog x h!reader HEADCANON-ish? (It's a bit diffucult to tell with what I write here :')

Warnings: blood, dead bodies, possesive behaviour, ooc

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.1k

Taglist: @blorbostation @eateableworm @livelaughluvvfaithyy @darkchanx @astoraa

Btw does anyone want to be in the tag list?

Dear anons; I would really appreciate it if you could choose an emoji while sending your asks and requests (and stick with it) so I can tell you apart. Thank you~

×Anouncment: I am no longer writing for Yangere Bullfrog. It's so out of character of him and I don't want that. Please don't ask me to write about it again my dear readers~ Thank youu. (I'm also so bad at writing yanderes oh my god 😭)

You both already knew each other when it all started

"Hey, do you have any gum?”

"Gum?" You glance at your soldier friend.

"Yeah, I like to chew on them. Do you have any?”

"Uh... no sorry." But you checked on your pockets anyway. Who knows? Maybe you actually have it. Before you can even lift your head a breeze past you.

A breeze? In the middle of the hall where no windows open?

You glance at your side, seeing what is left of your friend on the ground, his throat ripped open as he choked on his own blood and died in mere seconds. You stared at him as his lifeless body lay down motionless.

"I was talking to him.”

"Pas désolé, he is pretty much dead now."

You glance at him unimpressed while he stared up at you with a smile, a sweet sickening one, making you feel annoyed even more. His bloody blades disappearing behind his wrists.

"You need to stop your little visits. They will notice our talks one day. And it's not gonna be pretty for both of us.”

“We never agreed it would be. Qui a dit que ça m'intéressait de toute façon.” He grinned at you as he connected his hands behind his back.

How do you two know each other? Well, you two met when you started to work for Eden, seemingly. You're an agent observing Eden's work and informing your superiors. That's it. That was your job. Being a spy. Dangerous you need to say. Thankfully, if someone notices your act, you know how to fight.

It wasn't long before the assassin and spy met in unfortunate circumstances. Forcing you to fight side by side in a station where both of you are in grave danger. It was in the past now. Either you regret meeting him or not… you weren’t sure.... yet

After that day, he didn't seem to forget about you. Or your purpose. It looks like you managed to catch his attention from the first moments.

He started to show his face whenever he could to the point you can't ignore anymore.

You did get irritated by that a lot of the time, especially in the beginning. But now you just… get used to it? You don’t know. It’s not like he listened when you told him to go.

Thankfully whenever he kills your ‘comrades’ he helps you to not get caught because of his reckless actions? You actually started to think he's doing it on purpose too. Just to stay a bit longer and interact with you more.

You don’t actually care who he kills. You just want him to not ruin your cover.

But when you start to notice every person you talk to starts to disappear or end up dead? You start to worry. Like a lot. How can you not? Your life is on the line.

You know it was him doing it. But you just didn't get why. You are more than capable of handling yourself.

What was he thibking doing all that? Risking your whole mission- YOUR life- To get you caught? There need to be more to it. There is something really wrong with him…

And you were proven right when you found one of your agent friends covered in his own blood, near him only stood and stared Bullfrog while he slowly... died. Like he wanted to teach him a lesson in his own mind.

His blades were bloody. There was something horrible the way he just… stared. What shocked you even more was what he uttered out to the body laying motionless, to the soulless eyes.

“No one… no one can take her away...” he slowly wiped the blood from his mouth.

Your eyes widen with that. How does a normal person would act in this situation? Run away for their life? Scream? Cry? Grow in anger? Probably. But you were a skilled agent. You stepped inside, even you couldn't belive how calm you were, he quickly got aware of your presence and tilted his head with a smirk. He never hid that glint in his eyes.

“Bonjour, mon lumière. How was your day? Good I hope?”

You shook your head, and went straigh to the point, “What have you done?” It was the only thing you could let out at the moment. A lot of things went trhough in your head but you just stood there and actually hoped to hear a manageable answer?

He opened his arms towards you and approached, he actually believed in what he said, “He was going to get in between like all the others. I couldn’t let that happen.”

The more he came closer the more you stepped back, you shook your head, “You are not even making any sense. You are sick, you are—“

You yelled in pain and dropped down on your knees before you could even put up a fight to get away. He cut your ankles. Not actually cut them in two but that still hurted like hell. You hissed and suck in a breath. You grimiced and tighten your fist. You are not going to show any weakness to him.

You panted in pain as he held you in his arms, caressing your back. You growled in anger on his shoulder, wiggling in his strong hold, trying to get away but he didn't even move an inch and continued holding you tightly, not very affected. How could he be so strong?

“Don’t worry, ma vie. You will soon understand that I’m freeing you from the burden of working under an organization as vile as Eden. You’ll be at peace with me. I promise." He caressed your head ‘lovingly’. “Nous serons ensemble pour toujours.”

Your angry yell muffled in his chest. As his eyes stared blankly into space with a smile on his lips.

Everything got so much worse after that...

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hey I would like to request a good omens Crowley x reader angsty sad fic where they are pining over him but he loves aziraphale and they don’t want to interfere. Kind of Laufey’s song Let You Break My Heart Again vibes. Thx!!❤️

"Why couldn't I have what THEY had, [y/n]?! Maybe it's...it's all part of God's great ineffable plan! As if fallin' weren't enough...y'know? Why not allow him to walk outta my life and crawl back to the other angelss, too? Keep fuckin' me over, I suppose. This must be karma, I swear.."

"Crowley.." You began, only to stop as the demon on the other end of the line continued his drunken sorrowful ramblings.

He was still clearly hurting, and you were his only company left.

The only one who knew about him and Aziraphale and everything they've done together for the past 6,000 years.

You've been around for a thousand or so, not aligned with Heaven nor Hell, but living as a simple immortal being.

However, only very recently have you learned that they've in fact known each other since the very dawn of Creation.

So their history goes way back.

It's no secret that Crowley's been pining after the angel all these years, forced to pretend he hates him just because he was on the "opposite side".

But he was sick of doing all of that, and finally got the courage to tell him how he really felt. He begged him to stay, to stop taking sides, and to think about just them for once.

In the end, Aziraphale still chose the side that shunned him for conspiring with a demon, halting Armageddon, and hiding Gabriel on Earth...all because he was offered a higher position of power and couldn't so easily let go of Heaven.

Not as easily as Crowley could. He couldn't understand that, or why Gabriel and Beelzebub could go off together and they couldn't.

Now you were here, having to comfort the very same demon that you've fallen in love with yourself.

It felt like such a selfish desire, knowing that you haven't lived nearly as long as either of them. You weren't there at the beginning of Everything. You weren't there at the Garden of Eden.

You could never fully understand their deep-rooted bond.

There's no way he would ever see you in a remotely similar light.

Even still, the heart wants what it wants..even if it's unobtainable.

"Listen, Crowley.." You tried speaking again. "I'm next in line, do you want anything?"

Perhaps that was rather poorly worded, as you heard a sniffle and what sounded like him holding back a sob. "I just want him to come back.." His voice broke.

There was that feeling again, constricting your human heart with pain.

It was such a fickle organ, you often thought. It kept people alive, yet when put through emotional toil..it felt like it was killing them, and they wanted nothing more than to rip it out of their chest to be rid of the pain.

But right in this moment, you felt like that because deep down...you wish he instead said that he wanted-

"W-Wait..you're..at that café 'cross the bookshop, right?" You heard Crowley mumble. "I'll get the usual..assuming she remembers. Actually...don't bother-"

"It's fine, Crow. It'll be my treat. I'm getting something, too...not that we actually need it. But we both enjoy it, right?"

"...right." He chuckled depressingly. "Fine. I'll be outside."

That was a surprise, although when you briefly glanced outside the window of Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, you noticed the Bentley parked next to the sidewalk. You sighed, hanging up the phone before you stepped up to the register, smiling at Nina.

"Hello, Nina. I'll have my usual..and Mr. Crowley's, too. Six espresso shots, was it? And one of those [favorite flavor] pies, pretty please." You pointed to the menu.

"On it." She nodded, already getting to work on your order. "You know, I haven't seen that chap around in a while. How's he holding up? I heard he took it pretty hard."

"Yeah." You muttered, recalling how you've talked to her about your own feelings for Crowley.

You weren't expecting a human to solve the relationship woes of immortal beings when she herself was going through her own issues.

She worried that her and Maggie's little "intervention" caused the demon and angel to split up, but you didn't blame her. And neither did Crowley, although he was torn between wishing he didn't kiss Aziraphale and wondering if he'd regret not doing that at all.

He hasn't been back at the coffee shop since.

"Well, do you plan to tell him anytime soon?"

You nearly choked on your own spit. "N-Nina...I..I can't just do that. He clearly doesn't see me that way. He talks about him every day and night. I've stayed up past midnight consoling him, letting him stay with me the moment I learned he's sleeping outta his car. But...it's him he loves, not me. And I can't interfere with that..it would be wrong."

"Then...what's your plan from here?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"..I'm not sure anymore. I guess hope that one day..I'll stop falling in love with him. Maybe his angel will come back and everything will be as it was."

"Sounds like wishful thinking at this point, but I'm sure things will work out. Maybe he'll move on."

"I doubt it, but time will tell."

"Right." After finishing the drinks, she set them down into a cupholder, before giving you the pie as well. You paid and bid her farewell before heading out of the café and to the Bentley.

Inside, you saw Crowley sulking, lost in thought until you knocked on the passenger's window. He sat up with a start, fixing his glasses when he realized it was you. "S-Sorry."

The door opened, and you slid inside, passing him the tall cup with tons of espresso shots. "It's okay. So..where did you wanna go today?"

"I was thinkin'..St. James Park. Feel like I've been neglecting the ducks for far too long."

You blinked. 'Wasn't that..his and Aziraphale's thing-?'

"Yeah, I know..it...was our thing." He responded as though he read your mind. "'s just..been so lonely without him to chatter to. I hate siting all alone on that bench. But it's not like I can just walk Upstairs and tell him to screw all of them, right?"

"Sadly..no." Shaking your head, you glanced over your shoulder at the plants he's shoved into his backseat. Closest to you was a venus fly trap that had spots and other flaws, looking rather frail and wilted and sad.

Not too different from how its owner felt.

You smiled sadly and stroked the top of its head with your thumb, feeling it cease its trembles. Its mouth closed as it seemed to...purr?

How cute.

"Well would ya look at that...ya even treat the bloody things the same as he did.."

You tensed, looking back to Crowley and frowning upon seeing the tears sliding down his cheeks. But he was quick to wipe them away once you noticed them, yet a sniffle still managed to escape him.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep doing stuff that reminds you of him.." You set a hand on his back. "Do you...want me to drive?"

"No, it's fine.." He shook his head, sniffling loudly one last time before he managed to pull himself together. "Let's just..go."

You nodded, taking a sip of your coffee and a small bite of your pie, before you reached for the radio-

However, you forgot that the Bentley was sentient, instead turning it on for you and playing a song that nearly made you choke once again.

"--All I've had is coffee and leftover pie. It's no wonder why. Ooooh, still you take up all my mind. I don't even think that you care like I do. I should stop, Heaven knows I've tried..."

Even Crowley froze as he listened to the lyrics.

And not because it wasn't a Queen song.

"One day, I will stop falling in love with you."

Neither of you spoke a word, instead staring at the dashboard with looks of sadness upon your faces. You thought he would've changed the song by now, but...when you looked over, you could see his glasses now resting on the bridge of his nose.

His golden irises have almost completely taken over the whites of his eyes.

What little you saw of them..

Were growing redder and glossier.

"Some day, someone will like me like I like you."

You felt your own eyes start to sting, too, so you looked away and opted to pet the venus fly trap that was nuzzling your hand, clearly asking for more much-needed affection.

Sentient plants were easy to comfort.

If only your demon friend could be the same way..

If only you could show him that you wished to be more than just friends..but this simply wasn't your place to tell him that.

Not here, not now...and possibly not ever. For as long as you lived on this mortal plane.

All you could hope was that one day, the feeling will pass.

If Aziraphale came back, things might be better. You wished the idiot would at least check in with you both once in a while so you knew he was alive.

If that's the last time you hear from him, well....you weren't sure if Crowley would ever want to try loving again after what he's suffered through. He poured his heart out, only for it to get broken and stomped on before being left all alone on Earth.

He couldn't go through that again.

And you didn't wanna say anything about how you felt for the centuries you've known him. He could very well perceive that as you trying to replace him and ruin this friendship.

The wounds in his heart are still clearly fresh..and they likely will be for a long, long time.

For now, you'll just be by his side and be mindful. Perhaps he'll eventually realize how you felt about him...but you doubt it.

"Until then, I'll drink my coffee, eat my pie. Pretend we are more than friends. Then of course, I'll let you break my heart again-"

Crowley's hand suddenly shot towards the button, the car filling with an abrupt silence as he shut off the music. Then he switched between several Queen songs, eyebrows furrowed as none of them seemed to suit his current mood.

If Queen didn't make him happy anymore...he was seriously in emotional distraught.

But eventually he settled for "Somebody to Love", and you smiled, wiping your eyes as you leaned back in the seat. "Good choice."

He nodded absentmindedly, before finally driving off to the park after adjusting his glasses.

No further words were exchanged. You didn't even scold him for speeding down the tightly-knitted roads of London. That's the last thing he needed right now.

Especially since you picked up that habit from Aziraphale.

But even as Freddie's voice reverberated through the Bentley, you two couldn't stop thinking about the lyrics of Laufey's song and what it meant to both of you.

Yet the people it reminded you of...were completely different.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I have a slight au idea. The concept has been done before, but I'd like to flesh it out a bit! I'd love to know what you think and hear your input!

For this au, I have the idea that Heaven put in a little failsafe when creating Adam. I feel like Lilith would be included, but because she fell for Lucifer and went to hell with him, her failsafe doesn't work.

The whole idea is that if Adam dies, questions Heaven or the angels, that his memory and body will reset. Basically making a new Adam (while it's still our Adam, he's different).

The angels (and maybe God if the reason for the reset warrants his imput) can add and remove memories, information, and personal traits from Adam. The first time they did this would have been right after Lucifer betrayed him and started a relationship with Lilith. Not only could they see how much distress he was in, but they could see new emotions developing, depression, anxiety, and his unwillingness to continue with his basic needs, like eating and tending to the animals.

But they main reason the angels interfered was because Adam had stopped naming things around Eden.

So they reset him, and they decided to remove Lilith from his memory completely, they also rewrote his memory of Luicfer. To Adam, he doesn't know him but has heard of a rouge angel who should be avoided. For angst reasons I would love it if Lucifer went to see Adam after a month or two, to see how he was doing only to see a carefree Adam naming plants around a new pond that the angels just added to Eden.

Lucifer: Adam! Buddy! Please don't run, I'd like to talk with you-!

Adam turns to look at Lucifer, brows furrowed.

Adam: I'm sorry, who are you?

Lucifer: What do you mean? You can't just pretend to not know me because you're still mad about Lilith! Michael said you stopped naming things- I won't lie, I'm worried about you Adam

Adam: Lucifer? I don't know who this Lilith is, but the angels have told me about you, that you spread lies that damage Eden

Lucifer: Lilith? You're wife? Well, ex wife- and I haven't lied about anything!

Adam: You're lying right now! I don't have a wife, I'm the only human here! Michael and Gabriel have told me about an evil angel trying to taint Eden!

Ignore my horrible ooc-ness of Luci and Eden!Adam, fanfic writing isn't my best skill lol

The idea is that he's been reset a few times, the angels adding in details about Lucifer and Lilith, how evil they are, and to not believe their lies.

Sera: they even hurt you once before Adam, their too far gone for heaven to do anything about. Do not forgive them, don't listen or interact with them!

Eve has always been worried about the angels treatment of Adam, and mentioned it to Lilith and Lucifer the few times they came to to earth. Lilith wasn't shocked and seemed to have other things to worry about. Luci on the other hand was more worried but also angry at Adam for not believing Eve when she brought up the angels treatment of him.

Now to the present time, Adam dies in the extermination, but wakes up as Eden!Adam, and weireldly enough, he has memories of Luci when they were friends, before Lilith and before Lucifers betrayal. Lucifer was confused when Adam walked into the hotel (everyone else was ready to attack but Lucifer stopped them, he could tell something was off, especially when Adam hugged luci, saying how happy he was to see him).

That's all over got so far, I'm not sure of it's interesting or not, I just wanted some angst lol

Maybe Lucifers whole the deal, is trying to stop heaven from resetting and taking Adam back?

I don't know 🙈🙈🙈

OOOOOOU

Very good stuff right here 👍 love it. Poor Adam the angels just can't leave him alone

[kaylaz-world-00]

Anon: Are your requests actually open for bullfrog? If so, is it alright to request for yandere headcanons of him? ( or oneshot if that fits more to your liking! ) With human reader that possibly works for eden?

It doesn't has to be anything bloody! Any yandere scenarios that fits him are fine, You can change the scenario if you want it too

And sorry if im misunderstood it! You can just delete this request if i did so!

A/N: Yandere looks so out of character of him. But I give it a try for you dear anon~ Yan!Bullfrog and a worker of Eden? (It's not like humans and hyberds already have a complex realationship enough) Oh jeez. We are going in a big rollercoster ride here, so buckle up your seats guys! 😏👀☕️💦

I need one more thing to say. There is a similar ask like this one. A reader working for Eden. So I'm gonna change this request a slightly bit, so both wouldn’t cross much. I hope that's alright for you :)

AND SO SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT AAAA--

Bullfrog x h!reader HEADCANON-ish? (It's a bit diffucult to tell with what I write here :')

Warnings: blood, dead bodies, possesive behaviour, ooc

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.1k

Taglist: @blorbostation @eateableworm @livelaughluvvfaithyy @darkchanx @astoraa @shiroisotto64

Dear anons; I would really appreciate it if you could choose an emoji while sending your asks and requests (and stick with it) so I can tell you apart. Thank you~

×Anouncment: I am no longer writing for Yangere Bullfrog. It's so out of character of him and I don't want that. Please don't ask me to write about it again my dear readers~ Thank youu. (I'm also so bad at writing yanderes oh my god 😭)

You both already knew each other when it all started

"Hey, do you have any gum?”

"Gum?" You glance at your soldier friend.

"Yeah, I like to chew on them. Do you have any?”

"Uh... no sorry." But you checked on your pockets anyway. Who knows? Maybe you actually have it. Before you can even lift your head a breeze past you.

A breeze? In the middle of the hall where no windows open?

You glance at your side, seeing what is left of your friend on the ground, his throat ripped open as he choked on his own blood and died in mere seconds. You stared at him as his lifeless body lay down motionless.

"I was talking to him.”

"Pas désolé, he is pretty much dead now."

You glance at him unimpressed while he stared up at you with a smile, a sweet sickening one, making you feel annoyed even more. His bloody blades disappearing behind his wrists.

"You need to stop your little visits. They will notice our talks one day. And it's not gonna be pretty for both of us.”

“We never agreed it would be. Qui a dit que ça m'intéressait de toute façon.” He grinned at you as he connected his hands behind his back.

How do you two know each other? Well, you two met when you started to work for Eden, seemingly. You're an agent observing Eden's work and informing your superiors. That's it. That was your job. Being a spy. Dangerous you need to say. Thankfully, if someone notices your act, you know how to fight.

It wasn't long before the assassin and spy met in unfortunate circumstances. Forcing you to fight side by side in a station where both of you are in grave danger. It was in the past now. Either you regret meeting him or not… you weren’t sure.... yet

After that day, he didn't seem to forget about you. Or your purpose. It looks like you managed to catch his attention from the first moments.

He started to show his face whenever he could to the point you can't ignore anymore.

You did get irritated by that a lot of the time, especially in the beginning. But now you just… get used to it? You don’t know. It’s not like he listened when you told him to go.

Thankfully whenever he kills your ‘comrades’ he helps you to not get caught because of his reckless actions? You actually started to think he's doing it on purpose too. Just to stay a bit longer and interact with you more.

You don’t actually care who he kills. You just want him to not ruin your cover.

But when you start to notice every person you talk to starts to disappear or end up dead? You start to worry. Like a lot. How can you not? Your life is on the line.

You know it was him doing it. But you just didn't get why. You are more than capable of handling yourself.

What was he thibking doing all that? Risking your whole mission- YOUR life- To get you caught? There need to be more to it. There is something really wrong with him…

And you were proven right when you found one of your agent friends covered in his own blood, near him only stood and stared Bullfrog while he slowly... died. Like he wanted to teach him a lesson in his own mind.

His blades were bloody. There was something horrible the way he just… stared. What shocked you even more was what he uttered out to the body laying motionless, to the soulless eyes.

“No one… no one can take her away...” he slowly wiped the blood from his mouth.

Your eyes widen with that. How does a normal person would act in this situation? Run away for their life? Scream? Cry? Grow in anger? Probably. But you were a skilled agent. You stepped inside, even you couldn't belive how calm you were, he quickly got aware of your presence and tilted his head with a smirk. He never hid that glint in his eyes.

“Bonjour, mon lumière. How was your day? Good I hope?”

You shook your head, and went straigh to the point, “What have you done?” It was the only thing you could let out at the moment. A lot of things went trhough in your head but you just stood there and actually hoped to hear a manageable answer?

He opened his arms towards you and approached, he actually believed in what he said, “He was going to get in between like all the others. I couldn’t let that happen.”

The more he came closer the more you stepped back, you shook your head, “You are not even making any sense. You are sick, you are—“

You yelled in pain and dropped down on your knees before you could even put up a fight to get away. He cut your ankles. Not actually cut them in two but that still hurted like hell. You hissed and suck in a breath. You grimiced and tighten your fist. You are not going to show any weakness to him.

You panted in pain as he held you in his arms, caressing your back. You growled in anger on his shoulder, wiggling in his strong hold, trying to get away but he didn't even move an inch and continued holding you tightly, not very affected. How could he be so strong?

“Don’t worry, ma vie. You will soon understand that I’m freeing you from the burden of working under an organization as vile as Eden. You’ll be at peace with me. I promise." He caressed your head ‘lovingly’. “Nous serons ensemble pour toujours.”

Your angry yell muffled in his chest. As his eyes stared blankly into space with a smile on his lips.

Everything got so much worse after that...

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME DUA LIPA / DUA LIPA

in the beginning, god created heaven and earth.

your body is the one paradise that i wanna fly to every day and every night.

i've been sick and tired of running.

these late nights don't mean nothing.

i just wanna apologize.

i need your love.

i need your touch.

this is getting serious.

tell me that it's not the end of us.

how can we go back to the beginning?

without you, i've got no air to breathe.

we can start all over again.

my deep intuition tells me that i'm doing you wrong.

just say you forgive me and don't let me go.

my will keeps bending and breaking.

i wanna die in your love all night.

one taste and i'm hooked on it.

i'm addicted to your light.

he calls me the devil.

i make him want to sin.

it's the darker side of me that makes you feel so numb.

we're hot like hell.

am i the answer to your prayers?

not finished with you yet.

you're not fooling anyone.

come back to me, we can work this out.

i won't let you down and run.

there is nothing i wouldn't do for you.

you got inside my head.

you have got me wrong.

i don't need your love.

i already cried enough.

you say you're sorry, but it's too late now.

i don't give a fuck.

play the victim and switch your position.

i see you begging on your knees.

you're all in the past.

you talk that sweet talk, but i ain't coming back.

you can't tame me.

if you don't like the way i talk, then why am i on your mind?

if we don't fuck this whole thing up, i can blow your mind.

used to think that this love was heaven sent.

are we leaving the garden of eden?

tonight i'm so self-conscious.

nothing's ever perfect in paradise.

don't know what it's worth until you pay the price.

when you bite your tongue does it draw blood?

i would die for you. would you do that for me?

i hurt you and you hurt me.

we did some things that we can never take back.

some things are not meant to last.

let's love like there's no goodbye.

let our bodies say what we can never seem to communicate.

i can't stop thinking about you.

he makes me feel like nobody else.

you know he's only calling because he's drunk and alone.

don't be his friend, you know you're gonna wake up in his bed again.

if you're under him, you ain't getting over him.

i keep pushing forward, but he keeps pulling me backward.

you're the only remedy.

all my bones are begging me to beg for you.

you give me a reason, something to believe in.

it's a bittersweet feeling.

i wish i was there with you.

all my dreams have come true.

last night, my fantasies came true.

it just got complicated.

it's time you started listening.

karma's got a kiss for you.

why are you blaming me for all your insecurities?

you're like a king with a crown looking down.

you should've never done something like that to someone.

i hope that one day you will change.

we're more than machines.

do you feel complete?

you've been telling me some lies.

even though i run away, i still come back.

i know you're bad for me.

me and you together are like a loved up bruise.

i'll make you an offer that you can't refuse.

you won't go breaking my heart.

i guess we're misunderstood.

the heaven's forgave me.

let's be bad, make the devil smile.

i know that you miss me when i'm gone.

i need someone to hold on to.

you're the only thing i know.

close to you, i feel like i'm at home.

we were built to last.

take my hand.

dive in this romance.

we could burn and crash.

it's way too soon to feel so strong.

was it worth it?

[grayintogreen]

Okay I've never done this for LitMoR because there's three times as many OCs and I always feel weird talking about "voice claims"" in a fandom that doesn't... do that. Or really have a huge OC culture in general, but since Hellaverse does and I HAVE seen people going "if my OC was real, they would be played by x" before, I wanted to provide the list and some references so you can hear them as I hear them.

This list is painfully biblically accurate to the casting pool Vivzie uses (either Broadway actors or voice actors who have done musicals), barring a couple exceptions. It also contains the Canon OC's, because lbr my interpretations of Eve, Crymini, Lilith, Baxter, and Arackniss are not going to be canon and I'm okay with that. Roseverse is an AU.

ANYWAY. BENEATH THE CUT ARE A BUNCH OF YOUTUBE CLIPS + long-winded explanations. ENJOY. I’ll have to do another one because there’s a ten video limit and I had more characters to cover plus there’s characters who haven’t been introduced yet.

EDEN ESPIONSA AS EVE

Listen I will fully admit this decision was spurred on by "Nothing Left to Lose" but Eden Espinosa is hella good at playing resentful second fiddle bad girlies, given her entire career feels like it comes down to "Idina Menzel but affordable" (don't listen baby girl you're amazing).

ELIZABETH MITCHELL AS LILITH (SINGING VOICE: LADY GAGA)

I've gone over this one before, but I stand by it. I know Vivzie's hc voice for Lilith for real is Lady Gaga, but it wasn't vibing with how I've been writing her, so Lady Gaga plays her when she's singing (specifically the very raw, less sylized way she sings ASiB) and Liz plays her every other time. Watch that Blonde4Blonde love scene and tell me that isn't Lucillith reunion coded.

CHRISTOPHER FITZGERALD AS BAXTER

Now if Baxter appears in canon as more than a cameo, I would want him to be played by an actual trans actor because WE CANNOT IGNORE THE FACT THAT ONLY FEMALE ANGLERFISH HAVE LURES (and Viv denotes trans characters in imps by their horns so we know she's done this kind of thing to cue the audience in), but since this is just for fun and for me to have something to refer back to when I'm writing for vocal consistency, I gotta go with this nerd.

Note: I did NOT realize he played Kimiko Glenn's love interest in Waitress until I was looking up a video.

BARRETT WILBERT WEED AS CRYMINI

This one is actually at least marginally possible because BWW already voices Octavia. Part of the reason why she and Stolas have that cute little moment in Chapter Five of OWDLIF is because she shares a VA with his daughter and it was a dumb little moment for me, personally. (The clip in there with the live version of Dead Girl Walking where she sounds a little drunk and she's reading the lyrics off her phone is the exact energy for Crymini.)

Also “Fight For Me” from the Heathers musical is the Crinomini theme.

BRENNAN LEE MULLIGAN AS ARACKNISS

Here's one of our exceptions! This came out of nowhere because at first I was using Jeremy Jordan in Newsies as the basis for his voice, but it VERY QUICKLY- like while writing the first chapter- morphed into Sean, so that's what I'm stuck with. Also I'm sorry it's so long, but trust me it's worth it. Brennan is an improv god.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA AS CHANCE

YEAH YEAH I KNOW. YOU LOVE CHANCE ANYWAY. I will say that Roseverse Chance is specifically closer to In the Heights!LMM, whereas LitMoR Chance is very specifically Lee Scoresby. Ergo In the Heights.

ERIKA ISHII AS DIANA

The third exception. Though Erika has been doing voice work and has been in a musical game, even if they didn't sing in it, so who knows.

Also this video clip is so Dianacore. The whole thing.

KHARY PEYTON AS AAMON

This is like the main reason I posted this, because I need everyone to be aware of just how hot Aamon sounds despite him being a giant toolbox.

REBECCA FERGUSON AS ROO

Listen. LISTEN. She can sing. She's got a sexy voice. She's NOT LIKELY TO EVER BE CAST, but Rose the Hat is like 85% of my entire aesthetic for her. Her secondary aesthetic is Kate Shindle as the Mad Hatter in the Wonderland musical who is slightly more castable.

[always-a-joyful-note]

So because I want to record my progression of where I am in the story, I'm posting my impressions of the units so far. (Disclaimer: I haven't read many of the stories, and about half the knowledge I have is from osmosis and spoilers. The other half is actually reading wiki entries and the actual stories. So if these takes are inaccurate, that is probably the point XD)

Without further ado....

fine - unit of 2 rich kids who are sort of trying to be slightly less evil but kind of still are evil, one (1) theatre kid who is just there for the ride and his crush, and a butler with the face of an angel and the threatening aura of a ezekiel-accurate angel in disguise. Also another impression I had of it was one chronically ill idol stan with three of his idol crushes. But they're solid, if slightly flowery; not exactly my style but their songs are good.

Trickstar - literally my sons. Traumatised idiots who choose to continue to see the bright side with a slice of anarchy. They're all so dumb. Their leader looks straight laced but is more insane than his co-leader who is perpetually wearing the ^u^ expression (except when trauma slapped). The other two members are a camera-phobic gamer boy who is also a model and a guy who exudes reliability and sanity but is also kind of an insane workaholic with inferiority issues. I'm adopting them all and their songs are like…both generic but SO sincere you can't hate it.

Ryuseitai - Me when first meeting them: Awww! A power ranger themed unit! So cute! Me, after hearing stuff about the two senior members' lore and how they recruited their youngsters: (clutching my heart, trying not to sob/lose my mind) Aww! A power ranger themed unit! S-so cute! I would die for literally all of them…WHY. Such silly happy sincere tunes sung by such silly, devastating characters??? Found family, to me

Alkaloid - everyone here believes they are holding everyone else back with their psychological problems (Mayoi), disability problems (Tatsumi), ability problems (Aira), or culture shock problems (Hiiro). And yet they're the unit whose songs have mostly all been ones I absolutely loved. Which means the assembly machine factory idols Eichi's got going on are working and idk how I feel about that

Eden - A bunch of guys with severe family issues who probably have never read the bible (well, maybe Nagisa has). So, like, tw inaccurate depictions of the bible? Anyway, deranged quartet of a softie obsessed with cool rocks but really he has sort of a god complex, a guy with a perpetual :D who is as smart as he thinks he is but is also kind of oblivious to all of his other skills and flaws (and thus is a combo of terrifying snake and kind of someone you're sort of humouring because he's funny), a spoiled princess who might have a bit of a savior complex, and a dude who kinda just got swept along for the ride but is actually really fond of them. And it shows in their music.

Valkyrie - Just….theatre kids, who put the drama in dramatic and the intense in intensity (that's definitely not how the expression is used). They also have a very strange thing going on even though they're trying to be healthier, but I'm too afraid to ask. Unfortunately, though, they have some killer compositions and so many references to Classics and Things, not to mention their songs are genuinely good for those who want that quick theatrical vibe

2wink - Adorable twins that I was lured into thinking were the normal mischief twin duo trope but what in the actual ensemble were the writers DOING? They deserve at least half the cw/tw tags. Also, one of them is kinda like Trickstar (just wants to make things brighter) while the other one has schemes and will not hesitate to destroy you while giggling, yes. All that angst but they have such cheery tunes. Like, boys please….

Crazy:B - I mean, with a name like that….listen. You think it's the guy with the metabolism-related medical condition who has a dad implied to be accused of cannibalism and his freeloader who is a literal prince but also constantly broke that would be the most insane. But, no, we also have a fifteen year old assassin who has definitely killed and a guy who is literally both committing identity theft AND helping in witness protection. But, yes, their songs are fun, as is their dynamic. Also…Amagi brothers. Ough.

Undead - This is just…four urban fantasy love interests thrown into a unit. I'm not exactly sure what urban fantasy race Adonis and Kaoru are (though sometimes I'm inclined to think adonis is the protagonist who just kinda got swept along for the ride except he does have the vibe sometimes (aka casually kidnapping HiMERU)) but a vampire and werewolf are very obviously there. Really do love their rock and roll style, like come on (though I sometimes do think it'd be cool if they let Rei's love for jazz into their songs)

Ra*bits - Look. I love them. It really is just a single dad with one of the most messed up backstories doing his best. But like, also, leave them alone please?? The writers really just made them the damsel in distress character that makes Subaru go "oh, I have to take this revolution stuff seriously" and that's not even mentioning all the other stuff they seem to go through??? Like they do not belong in whatever genre Enstars is going for but they make it work but….let them rest. Songs not my style but they fit their vibe of "smile and spread joy" which works cause I do feel joy. Like Trickstar without the revolutionary goals.

Akatsuki - TBH, I'm still kind of wondering why these three (a warrior, a mangaka, and a tailor who used to be a delinquent) are still idols. I mean, they do have talent and traditional aesthetic is fire, and they're definitely sort of found family, but why still idols guys? That said, again, songs not my style but they definitely capture their aesthetic and vibe and that's always cool to me. Also, one of the members was raised in a Buddhist temple and helped with funerals, and I do not know enough about Buddhism enough to say if they portray a Buddhist accurately but given how they portray everyone else's quirks, it probably still has a giant dose of deranged on it.

Knights - HAHAHAHAHA. They're all insane. But they have talent and earned their place in the big three. But that does not make them less insane. That's all because I will go a bit barmy if I think about them too much. Silly, insane knights who enjoy hobbies like kidnapping (affectionate) and dancing/singing (will kill you in a duel)

Switch - Look….at heart, I can't hate these fantasy game isekai themed group. I enjoy their music because I do like the electropop remix/edm thing they have going on. And it DOES kill me that the only two 3-people units (Akatsuki and Switch) both have the dynamic of "a couple of parents and their beloved and most treasured cinnamon roll of a chaotic son." But like Valkyrie, I don't know what's going on with the senior members and am too afraid to ask, especially since they seem fine with it while their son with synesthesia cheers them on.

MaM - He is literally a cowboy. I - is there a thing with Japan and cowboys? And did someone at the writer's table see that samurai, Victorian thief, cowboys, and pirates post? Because somehow, the only member of this unit is all of them. A very stark contrast against his weirdly cheerleader/mom friend songs. I know he has mommy issues (mafia thing, I think) but.....son, are you okay?

Double Face - Yeah, okay, I love them. They might be the murder unit and I still have no clue to their formation but I love it. Put the Victorian cowboy thief samurai pirate and the child assassin together and you get secret agent type music that sounds like it could be in an old spy flick? How can you not love it?

[wolfswitcheryanimations]

I apologize for the fact that I’m probably going to flood your inbox with these questions, but as a fellow autistic obsessed with the Captain Laserhawk show, I am eating this like the sushi on the cow hybrid. (No sexual implications intended. I am aro ace.)

Could you give some dialogue examples for Bullfrog?

Does he pray a lot, due to the cult-raised mindset?

Is the god of the cult Cursa? (From Mario Rabbids Sparks of Hope.)

And what are the other characters like?

Listen pal, don't stop, you're just inspiring me to make more of this au!

As for your questions...

This AU's bullfrog is very stoic, complementing his closed-off nature, and whenever he is in a conversation, he's blunt, straightforward, and even a bit sassy at times. Think the Spy from TF2, but with less 'your mom' jokes.

(And yes, he does pray a lot.)

As for examples:

"Dear Polokus, give me strength" (Polokus used here as a placeholder)

"I do not see why zhis would be necessary for our mission.."

"Please, stay quiet, unless you WANT to get captured."

"...What have I done wrong?"

I... haven't played SoH yet (or the assassin creed games. Or BGAE. im barely getting past rayman 1, so keep that in mind), so IDK what Cursa is like. Will look her up tho!

As for the others, do you mean Dolph and Ramon? Or Sarah, Jade, Pey'r and Sam? I'll put some little descriptions of them down, just in case.

Dolph: Swave and sweet-talking newscaster, ex-soldier, and main face of Eden. Was chosen to be that face after getting his shit wrecked in the Wasteland War. Tries to act more extroverted and welcoming than he actually is. Has PTSD.

Ramon: Friendly albiet Trigger-Happy Vigilante that is well know through the lower castes of Eden as a Hero. Unlike Canon, he realised Eden's lies almost immediately and remembers a lot about Dimension X, and is deeply troubled about not being able to save his home.

Sarah: Former Eden soldier highly praised for her strategies and fighting prowess until she leaked hundreds upon hundreds of documents and pictures of Eden's... less palpatable actions. Still is trying her best to expose Eden for what it is. Quiet and uptight, but loyal to a fault and always willing to save people (unlike canon)

Sam: A former US military soldier and spy, like in canon, but he never got betrayed by Sarah and has worked with the resistance for many many years. Straightforward and militaristic in thinking, he has dedicated his life fighting against Eden, just like when he was working for America. He and Sarah were recently captured after trying to expose a major hybrid trafficking ring managed by Cody Rhodes.

The Monitor (Jade): Previously a Eden News journalist, Sarah has become a large part of Eden's survelliance system, monitoring every nook and cranny for any possible crime against Eden and protect his daughter. Luckily, this has granted her the ability to effectively "hide" people from Eden's panopticon, a power that she uses to set up a certain team..

Pey'r: A fighter for Hybrid Rights, an important soldier in the Wasteland War and a very well trained soldier to boot, Pey'r had adopted Jade when she was extremely young, after seeing her parents, two close friends of his, die in the middle of a crossfire. Even after Jade recorded him hiding outlaws from Eden when she was young, he still partly hoped, that one day, his daughter would help him with his work, even after he died.

(This is all subject to change, yadda yadda, at least Pey'r's not in love with his daughter now)

(Also sorry for the late reply! Had to think a lot about these questions.)

[ruinedbylanadelrey]

Hi so I wanted to request a part 2 to Eden so I was thinking when they get to Joel’s brother Tommy’s town and when they are all settled in Joel tries to fix things with the reader he has been trying to fix things with her since they where heading to find Tommy but the reader just told him it’s in the past and not to worry about it because clearly she wasn’t good enough for him so he had to go sleep with some other woman who was Sarah’s mom and he literally got on his knees and started begging for the reader to forgive him the reader just told him he looked stupid and to get up (I forgot to mention that the readers brother was in Tommy’s town his name is Evan) maybe the reader goes out alone to find more clothes for herself but she bumps into Roman she thought he was dead but he survived he tries to tell her that he loves her and to forgive him for everything he did to her she doesn’t listen and tries to leave but he won’t let her he takes her into a cabin he has been staying at and the reader thinks that she always found a way to forgive Roman but she hits him with a lamp or a flower pot or something and she ran he got up and shot at her when he ran after her he told her to stop running she comes up behind him and tells him she is not running her brother found out she was missing and told Joel so they went to find her they ran when they saw the reader limping towards them the reader stabbed Roman to death she cried because she didn’t want to die she ran into Evens arms and told him she didn’t give up when they get back into town the reader got patched up and Joel told her how much she means to him so the reader gives him a second chance but if he screws it up she won’t give him another chance (My god it’s long I have to stop going into much detail sorry

I had so much fun writing this, I changed a few things to make it work for timeline.

BUT oh my god this was fun,

EDEN part 2 | Joel Miller x f!Reader

part 1

warnings: 18+, fighting, knives, BLOOD, heavy mention of BLOOD, stabbing, Joel begging:)

wc: 2K

masterlist

"I'll be right here," lived in Joel's mind until the day he made the journey back to you. You weren't expecting Joel to come back for you, he was different. His heart wasn't as dark as it was before. "You came back," you said as he wraps you in his arms, your hands cupping his face. You wanted to wake yourself up from this dream but it was real. Joel was warm and breathing in front of you.

"You know I can't leave you alone." Joel kisses your forehead and you hold each other as the other person would fade away. "Will you come with me? I want you to show this commune, Tommy is there and I think you'll be better off there than here alone." Joel roped you in with his words. You grabbed your go-bag and left with him. 

You hate yourself for how much you still love Joel, he is everything you want in a person. You wanted to take him back and have a life with him but you still were so hesitant about the thought of being back together. Was it the thought that you weren't good enough before so why would you be enough now?

But Joel did come back for you, he turned himself right around after everything with Ellie and the fireflies. "You said if I came back we could try again," Joel stopped walking and you kept going forward, you turned around and looked at him. You hated seeing him beg, it wasn't the Joel you knew. 

"Please, darlin', I'll do anything you ask. I never wanted something so much until we met again." Joel closed the distance between you and takes your hand into his. His other hand cradles the back of your neck. "You're my angel, I need you to guide me through the next stage of our lives," Joel's voice cracked and he fell to his knees and rests his head on your stomach. "Joel what makes you think I'm good enough for you now if I wasn't before," Your words were like knives cutting him open. Joel choked back his tears, he was young and stupid and would do anything to change what he did. "You are enough, always been enough. Darlin' please," he begs again, and you look down at him. Joel looks like a child begging for a toy he can't have. 

"Joel, baby, get up you're making yourself look stupid." You brushed your fingers through his graying hair. "Let's see how life goes for us."

-

Life in Jackson brought such joy to your life, it felt like the world never fell apart. You had a purpose again. You worked in the garden of the community. You would go home, you had a home with Joel and his adopted daughter Ellie who soon became your adopted daughter as well. You never knew that you would fall in love with a child like you did with Ellie. You loved how fiery she was and how she could always crack a joke. 

You still felt lonesome at times, seeing people have a partner, someone they can hold and kiss. You wanted that when it came to Joel. He told you that you didn't have to get back together with him unless it was something you wanted. At first, you just wanted to have him in your life as a friend, someone to lean on. It was nice to have him back in your life, you loved how domestic you were with him. It brought such comfort to you and also to Joel. It was like a glimpse of what life could've been with you if he never cheated and if the world never crumbled beneath his feet. 

Joel was fighting with himself every day, he wanted you to be his girl. You were right in front of him but he couldn't touch you. Life in Jackson was beautiful since you were by his side as a friend. He was itching for something more with you, each day you were getting closer to him. First, you held his hand in the street, then you lean your head on his shoulder on the couch while you read your book, then you fell asleep in his bed, then you kissed his cheek when he brought you home flowers he found when he was out on patrol. 

You decided that it was time to get some new shoes and some clothes, Maria took you to the makeshift boutique it was nice to 'shop' for yourself for the first time in over 20 years. You were excited to show Joel what you picked out and made your way back to the house. As you were about to unlock the door a voice you tried to forget about was behind you "Missed me, sweet girl,". It couldn't be, he died, and Bill killed him. You turned around and saw Satan himself. You felt like the world was ending again, your blood ran cold and your ears roared with blood. "Why are you so surprised to see me?" Roman steps closer to you and snakes around to block the door. 

"You're supposed to be dead," Your voice strained while your throat closed. You were praying inside hoping someone would be walking by and seeing a strange man at Joel Miller's place. "But my love for you empowered me to stay alive, I watched you and followed you here...you think that Miller really wants you, he pitied you, my sweet girl" His words sank into your skin like fangs on a snake. You fiddled with your switchblade in your belt. It was like second nature as you brought it out and held it at your side. "I love you and follow you to the ends of the earth to have you," You could vomit at how he is speaking to you. His eyes flickered to your switchblade ready for action. 

He steps aside and gestures for you to open the door. "Let's sit and chat about what's going to happen next," if you got him inside then it would either be your demise or his, you took the chance and have him walk in with you. Any moment Joel could come by or even Tommy this house was like a revolving door for the Millers, but you prayed again that Ellie won't walk through the door.

You watch Roman make himself comfortable on the couch, and sat there waiting for you to join him. "You can put your blade away, sweet girl," he demands and you could hear the smirk on his face. "You won't do anything because at some point you did love me," You walked up behind ready to stab him in the neck and his hand grabs your wrist. 

"You're so brave now, it's cute," Roman twists your wrist almost breaking it making you drop the blade. You scrambled to grab it with your other hand but he flips you over the couch, you fell hard to the other side of the couch, landing at his feet. It was sadistic how easily he overpowered you.

He stands over you and holds your switchblade in his hand. You were trying to regain composure but your eyes wouldn't focus. "Where's your protector now? Why would he leave his pretty little toy out for someone to play with?" Roman laughs at himself, you saw how your feet a great position to kick him in the knees, you used all the force in your body to push yourself up and then make him buckle to the ground. 

Roman lets the switchblade fall to the ground between the two of you, he looks at you and could see how you were calculating your next move. Your reflexes were heightened and grabbed it. His hand goes for it at the same time, for a second he had the win and sliced your arm, and warm red thick liquid ran down your arm. You pushed through the pain and grabbed around him. You straddled him and held the knife to his neck and again his laugh fills you with rage. 

You didn't watch him reach for his own knife, he jabs in your thigh and dragged a little down, you screamed and your blade sinks into the column of the neck, your anger and pain were channeled to your hands as you twist the knife deeper into him. You watch his eyes glaze over and you couldn't stop yourself from taking the knife and then stabbing it into his chest repeatedly, your cries and screams echoed through the home. Blood splattered across your face and soaked your jeans and shirt. 

The blade broke and was left in his chest. You couldn't catch your breath and then you looked down at the mutilated body beneath you. The blood got in your eyes making them sting. You could taste metal in your mouth, it made you want to vomit. The ping of pain went through your leg, you pushed yourself off the devil and took the knife out of your thigh, and blood trickled down your leg. Your adrenaline was overpumping through your blood, and you quickly got up and limped out of the house. You didn't know what you were doing but all you could think about is Joel.

People stepped back from you as you stumbled through the streets, you found yourself at the gate to see Joel's group back from patrol, your sight was becoming hazy, and dashed around the pool of people to search for him. Joel heard people gasping and moving out of the way when he saw you covered in drenched in blood.

You stopped when you made eye contact and fell to your knees. Joel ran to you and dropped to his knees and held you, "Darlin', stay with me," "Don't let me die, Joel," your breathing was labored Joel was ushered with Tommy and a few others to the medical building. Joel hated how he is now in the same position again for the 3rd time in his life, another one of his girls in his arms fighting for to take a breath. 

-

"How could just let anyone in?" You heard Joel's voice booming outside the door, the lights in the room were brighter than usual as you opened your eyes. You tried to sit up and move but your whole body was throbbing. "Hey, easy, easy," Maria makes you lay down again, "Her blood is on your hands," you heard Joel yell again and a couple of men were trying to make an excuse.

 "Joel was ready to burn this place to the ground when we found out what happened," Maria breathed out, you stared at the ceiling and felt the tears roll down your face. "I'm sorry," you croaked, Maria sat down on the edge of the bed and took your hand in hers. "Nothing is your fault, he's right sadly...we just let the guy in like it was nothing," Maria said softly and you tried to stop yourself from letting out a sob. 

Joel was still yelling at whomever, "Do you want me to get him?" Maria asks, you nod your head. He was the only comfort you wanted, you need to be in his arms and have him next to him. You heard the door open and Joel's yelling ceased. His footsteps were rushed and the door slammed shut. You look at him with a soft smile on your face. Joel kneels at the side of the bed and strokes your cheek.

"I failed you...I promised you would be safe," Joel's eyes welled with tears, you tried to lean towards him but he stops you. "Joel...you didn't know and I didn't either. You did not fail me." Your words didn't soothe Joel and his pride. "Darlin', you mean everything to me, I thought I was going to lose you again...I was ready to take down whoever let Roman in, I love you. I love you." Joel kisses your fingers and holds them against his face.

All you ever wanted was right in front of you, Joel Miller, the love of your life, your heart could've burst from how much you love him. "I love you," You whispered, Joel's eyes grew wide and his rare smile was across his face. "Don't screw this up," you softly chuckled as he seemed like he got a Christmas present he's been asking for. "I swear, darlin'," Joel kissed your hand again.

[poetrysings]

" where words fail

, music speaks. "

alexander warren ⤷ character development task # 1 : character playlist ( listen here )

work song - hozier

" when my time comes around lay me gently in this cold dark earth. no grave can hold my body down, i'll crawl home to her. "

you're on your own, kid - taylor swift

'" cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned everything you lose is a step you take so make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it, you've got no reason to be afraid. "

hallelujah - jeff buckley

" maybe there's a god avobe but all i've ever learned from love is how to shot somebody who outdrew you? "

soul of a man - killian donnelly

" i guess i'm just a ruse in my father's shoes. no amusing no confusing this streak of losing. totally brutal and useless, too. "

so will i - ben platt

" the mountains won't start moving and rivers won't run dry. the world will always be there and so will i . "

being alive - stephen sondheim

" somebody crowd me with love, somebody force me to care. somebody let me come through i'll always be there as frightened as you, to help us survive. "

peace - taylor swift

" but i'm a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade ocean wave blues come. all these people think love's for show but i would die for you in secret. the devil's in the detail but you've got a friend in me. would it be enough if i could never give you peace? "

from eden - hozier

" idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on it's sword. "

fighting fires - spencer jordan

" i'm fighting fires while everybody else is striking matches everywhere. their smoke climbs higher so i keep my inside until i'm running out of air. "

sidelines - phoebe bridgers

" watch the world from the sidelines, had nothing to prove. 'till you came into my life and gave me something to lose. "

clean - taylor swift

" when i was drowning, that's where i could finally breathe. "

vienna - billy joel

" slow down you're doing fine you can't be everything you want to be before your time although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight. "

nature boy - david bowie

" the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return . "

[tulipsinthedas]

A/N: I made this post a few months ago and decided today while making this post that I wanted to rewrite the first one to be more than a small, disorganized blurb. So here it is!

While listening to From Eden by Hozier on my way to work, it gave me super Solavellan vibes. There's something so inherently simple yet tragic about this song that really reminded me of them.

"Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago. Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword. Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me, I should know. I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

No matter how you rp your Lavellan, they're ultimately doing what they do to help others. Idealism, chivalry, innocence are all ideals that just aren't compatible with what is basically the end of the world. He relates to what you are doing, finding his own parallels between the blight and imprisoning his fellow Gods. As the trickster God, he himself shares a lot of parallels with the serpent in the Bible, who tricks Adam and Eve into creating sin. He's metaphorically slithering out of his solitude to watch her, to observe her, to lover her, and after their break up to pine for her.

"Babe, There's something tragic about you. Something so magic about you. There's something broken about this. But I might be hoping about this. Oh, what a sin"

Really all of the verses fit their relationship so well but if I put them all, this post would be too long. But I chose these because 1 think they sum up the rest. Solas likely views Lavellan's predicament as tragic; that they're thrown into this life-and-death situation with no choice. Forced into holding Thedas' survival in the palm of their hand, and yet, there's something magical about it, too. The Anchor is unlike anything seen before. She is gifted - or cursed - with a kind of magic that fascinates him, along with what its purpose will be used for. He stays with the intent to help her, and to study her. Once he falls, though, he knows this relationship really isn't going to work, that it's just not right. That's it's inherently broken. And yet he hopes that it will thrive, that it will live through all of the problems that eventually lead to its downfall. 'Oh, what a sin" is really the perfect, final touch as a god dating a mortal, the people he exists to protect (figuratively) is within itself a sin.

The brainrot I have about their relationship is truly chronic, and seeking parallels between them and one of my favorite artists is really so 🫠

[volivolition]

hello we return to ramble about music because music is one of our biggest hyperfixations ever. hai [Do let us know if you're ever tired of us sharing music though Shauaiakdjcjsjdfj]

Do you have a favourite song? A favourite band or musician? PLEASE do share if so, we're always looking for new music especially from friends!!

We have!!! song reccs for you :] Song for the Dead and Song for the Deaf, both by Queens of the Stone Age! Both songs are very red to us [we have synesthesia] and they remind us collectively of Phys Instrument and I!

-PT

HAI HELLO!! my music friends the furies!! (hjfkjh dont worry, i love hearing from you!! :D <33)

2. ooh, thank you PT, i was just listening to Song for the Dead on the subway the other day, it sounded so cool!! i assumed it was a Physique vibe, but so cool to hear who exactly :D im listening to Song for the Deaf now, just really good guitar for both of these songs, the words are sung more lyrical in this one :0 the ending is amusing, just silence and then laughing to the instrumental hdkjh <3 extremely red vibes, you're so right for this <3 thank you for sharing the PT and Fizzy songs :D <33

1. oh god i have to put this under a cut. tl;dr: my current favorite song is Too Sweet by Hozier because it reminds me of Voli and Chemi :]!!

hgkjh did you know my bio used to say "i can relate any hozier song to disco elysium"? the statement is hyperbole, but i love hozier so fuckin much heres just a bunch of nonsense:

"Too Sweet" is a volistry song. to me. ("I take my whiskey neat~" "My coffee black and my bed at three...") echem thinks voli's too uptight ("You keep telling me to live right / to go to bed before the daylight... / but then you wake up for the sunrise... / don't you just want to wake up... / lost in a haze?") and voli thinks echem is too hedonistic ("If you're drunk on life-" "Babe, I think it's great~" "But while in this world... / I aim low / I aim true and the ground's where I go / I work late where I'm free from the phone / And the job gets done / But you worry some, I know.") and in this way they're "too sweet (morally/indulgently)" for each other, but they fall in love around the "You know, you're bright as the morning, soft as the rain" "Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape" mark because they start to balance each other out so they're not overworking/refusing all joy and not giving in to every temptation/dangerously ignoring health and responsibility for dopamine and they're GOOD FOR EACH OTHER... im. not normal about them ever i could write essays about them :'] (also the bells in the chorus just hit different i love that shit man...)

i've been meaning to draw Echem with the song "Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene" just for the title alone lmao... but it's absolutely a bop and i enjoy it :]

"Jackie and Wilson" is TRULY LIKE. IS ANYONE SEEING THIS. "Cut clean from the dream at night / let my mind reset / Looking up from a cigarette and he's already left" "He'll know me crazy, soothe me daily, better yet, he wouldn't care / We'll steal his Lexus / be detectives / ride 'round picking up clues" IS ANYONE ELSE HEARING THIS THAT'S FUCKING HARRY AND KIM. HELLO??

my other alternate bio used to read "From Eden is such a de song. if you even care" i need everyone to listen to this and tell me its not a disco elysium song ogughgjkh!!! "Honey, you're familiar / Like my mirror years ago" "Innocence died screaming" "A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree" HOZIER MY MAN YOU DID IT BUDDY THAT'S THE GAME!!!

i can perfectly imagine which skill is singing which line to harry in "Almost (Sweet Music)" as he gets over dora and falls in love with kim. imagine them smoking on the balcony together while the skills swirl around them, invisible to kim but nudging harry and each other.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Let's get lost and let the good times roll! SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Success] - Let's smoke rings from this paper, doll~ SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - Blow sweet and thick 'til every thought of it don't mean a thing. PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] - I got some color back. EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He thinks so too... INLAND EMPIRE [Formidable: Success] - I laugh like me again... She laughs like you. RHETORIC [Legendary: Failure] - I wouldn't know where to start... PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] - Sweet music playing in the dark. VOLITION [Godly: Success] - *Be still*, my foolish heart- COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - Don't ruin this on me...

"First Time" is harry and dora ("the first time that you kissed me / i drank dry the river lethe" YOU MEAN THE GREEK RIVER THAT MAKES YOU FORGET EVERYTHING HOZIER???), "Eat Your Young" is truly a Disco Elysium vibe song of political ideology, do i even have to mention "Take Me to Church" for the idolization of Dora? and "Like Real People Do" [just straight up starts sobbing on the floor.] when the... the two people with similarly sad pasts learn to grow and heal together... we should just kiss like real people do... fucking hell man...

i also like!! AJR (current fave: Inertia [waltz time my adored]), The Oh Hellos (Hieroglyphs [the beat! the melody! the lyrics! singing together! ough my love... i miss choir]), The Altogether (See The Day [makes me cry. volition song i think]), American Authors (Luck [longtime favorite]), and Ricky Montgomery (currently it's Cabo but god this man's got bops. This December. Line Without a Hook. Get Used to It. Snow [<- desaturated blue song]. My Heart is Buried in Venice. okay thats it i promise hdkjh)

[stargazer-sims]

The Art of Redemption

(Part 4)

previous // next // story index

———

"How're you holding up, kid?"

Beth-Anne wraps both hands around the extra-large takeaway coffee cup and closes her eyes, concentrating on the soothing heat working its way into her fingers. She and Stan are in the corridor outside Nikolai's hospital room. It's eight in the morning, and the hospital staff have just finished bringing breakfast around to all the patients.

From inside the room, Beth-Anne can hear Ginger coaxing Nikolai to eat his oatmeal, "Because if you don't eat it, I will. Carbs be damned."

She sighs. "I'm okay, I guess."

"Now, remember who you're talking to," Stan says.

She lets another sigh escape, opens her eyes and raises her gaze to meet his. "I'm tired."

"You should go home and try to get some rest."

"I can't," she says. "I promised Nikolai I wouldn't leave him."

"Ginger and I can stay with him for a while. He won't be alone."

"But, what about Ginger's ice time?" she protests. "I mean, she qualified for Worlds. That date will be coming up faster than you realize."

"What do I always say? People before practice." He smiles. "That's why you asked me to get in touch with Brett and Mariah about their ice time today, isn't it?"

With a stab of guilt, she realizes she'd momentarily forgotten about Mariah and Brett. "I need to call them myself. I should apologize. And I'll have to call little Eden's parents too. He's got a thing next weekend that we're supposed to be getting ready for."

"You should call them," Stan agrees. "But, you shouldn't apologize. Just explain what's happening. They'll understand."

"Brett qualified for Junior Worlds," she says, half to herself. "Damn it! That's only—"

"Beth-Anne.” Stan holds up a hand. “Brain open, mouth closed."

"You haven't said that to me in..."

"A long time," he inserts quickly. "But it seems like you need it at the moment."

"You're right. I do."

"I put up a notice about your group lessons before I came over here, so that's taken care of," he says. "Now, listen to me for a minute. A missed day of training or two isn't going to hurt Brett at this point. If he's not ready for Junior Worlds by now, he's not ready for Junior Worlds. Understand?"

She nods. "I see what you mean."

"And if you're worried about me and Ginger, I can tell you a day off isn't going to harm her chances either. Besides, do you really think her heart would be in it today anyway, with her best friend in the hospital?"

"No, I suppose not," Beth-Anne concedes.

She sips her coffee. From behind the partially-closed door of the room, Nikolai's voice drifts out. "Ginger! Oh my God... stop. My hands still work, you know. I can feed myself."

This is followed by laughter from Ginger. "There. Mission accomplished! If I couldn't badger you into eating, I knew I could manipulate you into it."

Nikolai makes a strangled noise, as if he's trying not to laugh and inadvertently spit out a mouthful of oatmeal in the process. He sputters, coughs and then declares, "You are the living end, Vivienne Holmes."

She replies mildly, "Finish your breakfast, Nikolai."

Beth-Anne smiles, her worry easing slightly. Nikolai seems more like himself this morning, and it's clear that Ginger's presence is doing him good. He always seems to be happier and more relaxed when Ginger is around.

Perhaps Stan is right. Maybe it would be okay to leave for a couple of hours. She could go home, clean up the kitchen, and get the downstairs bedroom ready for Nikolai. She might even do a quick grocery run.

Peanut butter, she tells herself. She'll have to remember to get peanut butter when she goes to the supermarket. She rarely eats it herself, but Nikolai's taste for it has practically reached legendary status at this point, thanks in no small part to a handful of sports reporters at Skate America a few years back. The figure skating world had laughed collectively when a photo of Nikolai skating around at practice with a massive jar of peanut butter the girls had given him appeared in several online publications with the dubious tagline 'Peanormous'.

All Beth-Anne could do when she'd seen it was shake her head. The random nonsense regularly generated by Nikolai and his friends had been one of her biggest frustrations at the time. Now, she finds herself wishing for those times to come back. Some weird condiment-related publicity would be mild in comparison to what they're facing at the moment.

Beside her, Stan idly swirls his cold brew with the straw that's sticking out of it. Even in the dead of winter, he loves his cold drinks.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks.

"Too much, honestly," she answers. "How the hell did we get here? I mean, not that I begrudge Nikolai anything. I love him like he's mine, but how is it that I'm the one who's taking care of him? It's not as if his real family doesn't know what's going on. And where the fuck is Anya when he needs her?"

"You're angry," he observes.

"Damn straight," she says. 'Do you know, that woman had the audacity to kick me out of their house because she said I was hurting Nikolai? And then what does she do? She runs off and leaves him completely alone for three days. He fell down the goddamned stairs, Stan! Because she put his crutches upstairs and out of reach. And I'm supposed to be the one who's hurting him?"

Stan frowns. "That's not good."

"That's an understatement."

"Even so, you know it's none of your business. Their marital troubles, I mean."

"I think it became my business when he phoned me in the middle of the night, sobbing and telling me he didn't want to be here any more," she says. "I was terrified. I think I broke every speed limit on the way over there, and when I got there and saw the mess he was in and realized he was on his own—"

She has to stop and take a deep breath to calm herself. She's still not over what happened last night.

"Okay, yes. I suppose that part is your business now," Stan concedes. "But their marriage still isn't."

"You know what?" she says. "I honestly don't care about their marriage, if you can even call that fucked-up situation a marriage. Do I think he'd be better off if they weren't together? Hell yeah. And do I wish she'd stay far away from him? Yes I do, but I'm not going to interfere. I have enough on the go without intentionally looking for trouble."

"Good." Stan nods. "Stay out of it as much as you're able to. But just so you know, I think you're doing the right thing by taking him in."

"Thanks. It feels right."

"It's probably not going to do much for your love life, though."

Beth-Anne snorts and nearly spits out a mouthful of coffee. "Jesus, Stan! Where did that come from?"

"What?" His attempt at feigning innocence is an utter failure.

"You think I've had a woman in my bed lately? I'll probably have better luck catching one with Nik there than without him."

"Oh?" He quirks an eyebrow. "Came for the boy, stayed for the girl?"

She groans. "Oh my God. I know what comes next. Don't even say it."

He says it anyway, deadpan. "Came for the girl."

She laughs out loud. The emotional release is unexpected, and most of the tension leaves her body all at once. It feels good, but unfortunately it also clears the way for her to grasp exactly how wiped out she is. Suddenly, she wants nothing more than to go home, take a hot bath and then crawl into bed.

But, she can't do that. Not yet, anyway.

Stan is watching her. "Better?"

"Sort of. You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I don't know why you have to ask," he says. "You know I did."

"Because you thought I needed it?"

"Didn't you?"

"How is it even possible that you know me better than I know myself?" she wonders aloud. "You always know what to do."

"Not always, but I try," he says. "So, what's your plan?"

"For right now, you mean?" she says. "If you or Ginger can stay here for a couple hours, I'll go home and straighten the place up a bit."

"Okay," he says. "I can stay, and I'm sure Ginger won't mind staying."

"Thanks."

"You want to go in and tell him now?"

"Yeah," she replies. "No time like the present, I guess."

When they enter the room, they find Nikolai and Ginger both sitting on the bed. He's finished his breakfast, and the two of them are huddled together, looking at a sports magazine Ginger brought for him. She'd obviously smuggled in some candy for him as well. The obnoxiously bright plastic bag is open and resting on the leg of one of them or the other. It's a little hard to tell exactly which, since they're so close to each other and Ginger is tucked under the thin hospital blanket too. Beth-Anne notices Ginger's shoes on the floor beside the bed.

Both skaters look startled and guilty when they notice their coaches' presence in the room. Ginger palms the bag of Jelly Fruit and attempts to conceal it beneath the blanket.

Stan clears his throat in a deliberate and exaggerated way. "Are we interrupting something here?"

This is met by an an awkward, "Uh..." from Nikolai.

Almost simultaneously, Ginger responds with, "Ah, no... not really?"

"You two have been trouble since the day I met you," Stan says, but there's no trace of annoyance or anger in his voice, only fondness and slight exasperation. "I hope you read the label before you started filling yourself with those sweets, Ginger."

Ginger holds up two fingers. "We've only had two pieces each. Right, Nik?"

Nikolai's voice says "Right," but his expression says something else entirely, and Beth-Anne doesn't need to be a mind reader to know both of them have had more than two candies each. Part of her wants to admonish Nikolai out of habit, but she lets it go. He can eat whatever he wants, now that he's not competing.

The reality of that hits her like a sudden punch in the gut, and she fights to keep from showing it on her face. She conjures up a smile somehow, and echoes Stan's sentiment. "Goddamned troublemakers, the pair of you."

"But you still love us, don't you?" Ginger says.

"Of course we do," says Stan. "But that doesn't mean you're not a pain in the ass. No more candy today. Understand?"

She grins at him. "There's always tomorrow."

Stan makes a gesture of surrender. "I give up."

There's movement under the blanket and then Nikolai's hand emerges with the bag of candy. "I guess the rest of these are mine."

He glances at Beth-Anne as if seeking permission, and she spreads her arms in the same way Stan had done. "I can't stop you, can I?"

"Boo," Ginger says. "You know those are my favourite."

"I'll owe you a bag," Nikolai tells her. "In the off-season, we'll sneak off somewhere and eat as much junk food as we want. I'll get you some of these, and I won't even make you share."

"We'll pretend we didn't hear that," Stan says.

There's an uncomfortable lull in the conversation following that. Nikolai and Ginger both understand the boundaries their coaches have set for them. He leans over and places the bag of candy on the tray table next to his empty breakfast dishes. As soon as he settles back into his original position. Ginger reaches for his hand, and they intertwine their fingers.

On the first day she'd met them, they'd done that after being scolded, Beth-Anne recalls. She can still picture them as they were back then, two hyperactive teenagers; Ginger with her easy laugh and boundless energy, and Nikolai with his mischievous little grin and propensity for unexpected hugs. It's hard to believe that was ten years ago. She's watched them change and grow in so many ways, but even after a decade, some things about them haven't changed at all.

As she observes Nikolai and Ginger, she tries to think of the gentlest way to tell Nikolai she's leaving. He seems to be in good spirits at the moment, but she's concerned his mood is tenuous, and she doesn't want to upset him.

She puts her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and shifts most of her weight off her bad leg. Her hip is throbbing dully. It's not overwhelmingly painful, and she knows it's nothing that an ibuprofen tablet won't cure, but it's screwing up her concentration and making her unable to come up with anything that doesn't sound either scripted or patronizing.

Damn it... I just need to hold myself together for a little longer. I need to get out of here with no fuss, and then I can crash when I get home.

Nikolai, sensitive and perceptive as ever, evidently takes notice of her change in posture. He says tentatively, "Beth-Anne, are you okay?"

"I'm good," she says. "My hip's aching a little, that's all. Sign of old age, I guess."

"That's not true. You're not old." He chews on his lower lip as his gaze travels around the room and eventually comes to rest on the plastic chair. He stares at it for a second or two, and then says quietly. "Oh my God. It's that chair. You sat there all night, didn't you? It's my fault. I'm sorry. I didn't realize—"

"No. It's okay," she says, wanting to forestall the rising panic she can hear in his voice. "I actually didn't sit there all night. I was walking around a lot. Don't worry. It's not your fault."

"Maybe... maybe you should go home and rest."

"Are you sure?" she asks. She hadn't expected him to suggest that she leave, but she's grateful he's the one to have brought it up. She won't worry less about leaving him, but at least this way she thinks she'll feel far less guilty.

"I don't want you to go, but I don't want you to stay here if you're in pain either." He shakes his head. "This is so messed up."

"It's not messed up," she says. "Some over-the-counter pain medication will fix everything."

"That's not what I mean," he says. "I don't know why I'm like this. Like, a minute ago, I thought I was fine, but now I'm... not sure. Not scared, exactly, but… anxious?"

"Why are you anxious?" she asks.

"I don't know why. It's like, I'm scared that if you leave, something bad is going to happen, but I don't know what and I don't even know why I think that. It makes no sense. It's..." He lets the sentence fade, unfinished, and lowers his eyes. "Sorry."

"it's okay, sweetheart. You don't need to be sorry," Beth-Anne steps forward to hug him, and he hangs onto her as tightly as he had the night before, when she'd first found him in his front hallway.

"If you leave, you'll still come back later, right?"

"Yes, probably around lunchtime. Ginger and Stan are going to hang out with you for a while, and by the time I get back, maybe the doctor will be ready to let you go."

"What if he doesn't let me go by lunchtime?"

"Then I'll stay with you until he does, but I can't see him keeping you much longer. He only wanted you to be here for observation, likely just until the medication wore off."

"I think it's worn off already," he says.

"If you think you need something else, you can ask the nurse."

"I can't," he practically whispers.

"If you can't ask by yourself, I'll help you," Stan intervenes. "Why don't you let Beth-Anne go and take care of whatever she needs to do? Ginger and I can look after you in the meantime."

"That's right," Ginger adds. "And if it's cuddling you're looking for, you know I'm brilliant at that. Hugs before drugs."

Stan makes a nondescript noise that might be the offspring of a laugh and a grunt, and says to no one in particular. "This is the child I've raised."

Ginger laughs. "You've done well, Stan. I wouldn't be who I am today without you."

Nikolai hesitates, but finally acquiesces and releases Beth-Anne from his almost desperate hold. "Okay," he says. "You can go now, but you have to promise you'll come back."

"I promise I will," Beth-Anne assures him. "Is there anything you want me to get from your house while I'm out?"

"I don't know. My glasses and my toothbrush. A change of clothes. I can't think of anything else right now."

"That's fine," she says. "That should get you through the rest of the day anyway. Tomorrow, I can take you over there and help you pack up anything else you're going to need at my place. Sound good?"

He nods. "Yeah. Thank you."

Satisfied for the moment that Nikolai is in safe hands, Beth-Anne says farewell and makes her way out of the hospital as quickly as she can, before she changes her mind about it.

She doesn't know how she and Nikolai are going to cope over the next few days, but she insists to herself that they'll get through it just like they've gotten through every other difficult situation they've encountered so far. She wants to be optimistic, telling herself that once Nikolai has been in a safe, stable environment for a while, he'll be less clingy and scared, and he'll start to feel better.

Staying occupied will help too, she thinks. She'll have to come up with some ideas to keep him busy until he's ready to venture out into the world again, because she certainly won't have him sitting around on the couch all day doing nothing and sinking deeper into the chasm of depression, hopelessness and self-pity. When he's able to be up and around... Well, she knows exactly how she's going to occupy him then, and she's already resolved not to take no for an answer.

The biggest problem she hasn't devised a solution for at this point is Anya. She has no clue where Anya is, whether or not she'll be back, or whether she'll want to see Nikolai if she does return. One thing she is reasonably certain about however, is that if Anya comes back and discovers Nikolai isn't at home, Beth-Anne's home is the first place she'll look for him.

Beth-Anne has absolutely no intention of letting Anya into her house. She knows she can't stop Nikolai from seeing his wife if he wants to, and she'd already told Stan that she doesn't plan on interfering in their marriage, but there's no way in hell she'll allow a potential confrontation between them to take place under her roof.

She'll have to discuss everything with Nikolai when he's feeling up to it, she concludes. He may say he doesn't want to see Anya at all, and that would make the solution a simple one, but she suspects it's not going to be that straightforward.

Nothing's ever easy, is it? says a little voice in the back of her mind.

No, most things aren't, she concedes, but she knows from experience there are outcomes that are worth the effort and people who are worth making an effort for. Stan likes to say 'people before practice', and Beth-Anne believes wholeheartedly in that.

People before almost everything else, because other than the basic necessities of survival, nothing matters more than people and the connections they build in one another's lives.

[light-lanterne]

hello !! so, a lovely anon has sent me the most wondrous ask analysing (from a byler perspective) the lyrics from an album that came out on friday night, the likes of which is by my current favourite band (and hyperfixation). unfortunately, my reply was getting ridiculously long, so i shall screenshot the different parts of this ask and add them to this post instead ~

needless to say, i'll also be connecting these beautiful lyrics to byler :O many an au idea has spawned from me listening to this album a few times over, so there's that too. if you're a byler who've never even heard of this band, i highly suggest you check them out; some of their songs are very heavy, others are not and may even be considered pop. regardless of the music, all the lyrics are wonderful and they're definitely worth a listen.

anyway, let us begin !!

— sleep token —

take me back to eden

okei, so for the "simple" question: i don't know which is my favourite new release, they're all just so good :( maybe 'ascensionism', for it's the one that's been stuck in my head all day x.x but really, they're all perfection and if these guys don't get a grammy or five i'll be very mad >:(

anyway, you said you were joking but i'm actually buzzing with excitement at the prospect of analysing the whole thing so here we go ~

first, the singles (i'll be as brief as possible):

i. chokehold: ah,,, the perfect start of the album. i think the song is mostly about vessel's devotion to sleep, but these lyrics really feel like s1 mike to me :O - - - - - - - - - - - beneath the stormy seas, above the mountain peaks, it's all the same to me, it makes no difference. i've seen my days unfold, done the impossible. i'll turn my walls to gold to bring you home again. - - - - - - - - - - - yeah,,, just the disposition to do anything and defeat all obstacles in order to literally "bring [this person] home again" really reminded me of mike :]

ii. the summoning: such an exquisite single,,, really the best song to pull people in~ needless to say, the bridge brings a really neat dynamic that would work really well in an aged-up fic, i think. - - - - - - - - - - - oh, and my love. did i mistake you for a sign from god? or are you really here to cast me off? or maybe just to turn me on? 'cause these days i would be lying if i told you that i didn't wish that i could be your man, or maybe make a good [boy] bad. - - - - - - - - - - - maybe the classic good student will/rebellious mike? something like that :D

iii. granite: this was my favourite single !! it's dark and moody and it paints a sad but somewhat beautiful picture :O from the lyrics this is about a dysfunctional relationship and codependency, so it doesn't quite fit canon byler :S an au, however,,, - - - - - - - - - - - i was more than just a body in your passenger seat, and you were more than just somebody i was destined to meet, i see you go half-blind when you're looking at me. but i am. between the second-hand smoke and the glass on the street, you gave me nothing whatsoever but a reason to leave, you say you want me, but you know i'm not what you need. but i am. - - - - - - - - - - - ,,,yeah. messy queer relationships can be fun to write and read and this one paints a very interesting scenario ~ when i first heard it, i immediately associated it with my serial killer au :D

iv. aqua regia: this one is such a vibe ~ i originally didn't care much for it, tbh, and it took me a while to get the metaphors x.x but once i got it i really started liking the song a lot more ! - - - - - - - - - - - aqua regia, (< gold refiner; vessel describes himself as gold before) oxytocin running in the ether. (< the ether would be the internet,,,) silicon ballrooms, (< silicon is a main component of electronics, so instead of social gatherings happening in an actual ballroom, they happen on the phone) subatomic interactions if it's all good. - - - - - - - - - - - so yeah, my understanding is that the main character in this song is someone who resists technology, but stops trying to fight it once they meet someone they feel something for online which is quite lovely ~ also, these lines are so cute: - - - - - - - - - - - oh, when i am done dancing to alarm bells no wonder my ears are still ringing. - - - - - - - - - - - (just imagine vessel bouncing around all excited about getting a message from this person :D ) anyway, um, modern byler au where mike is an anti-technology nerd who finally gets himself a phone just so that maybe he can talk to this really cute, semi-instagram-popular guy he likes from one of his lectures ^-^

v. vore: um,,, yeah,,, as someone who leans towards heavier music i love this song so so much !! the themes of obsession are amazing and really build on the concepts brought up in "this place will become your tomb", so that's a nice callback :O needless to say, there's not much bylering going on here but the vibe really goes well with aforementioned serial killer au, so there's that x.x

ix. dywtylm: aha, last single ! i must admit, i also didn't care for it a lot when i first heard it but, within the context of the album, it's a great break between "the apparition" and the final part of the record ~ so, i think i'd mentioned this before (?) but i can't remember,,, anyway, the lyrics scream mike at me ~ - - - - - - - - - - - and my reflection just won't smile back at me like i know it should. and i would turn into a stranger in an instant if i could. and there is something eating me alive, i don’t know what it is. maybe not that you conceal your feelings, they just don't exist. - - - - - - - - - - - also these: - - - - - - - - - - - and i've tried so hard to fix it all but nothing seems to help, but i cannot hope to give you what i cannot give myself. - - - - - - - - - - - yeah, canon mike's insecurities, guilt and confusion really reflect on those lyrics :( if i were to write something around this, it'd probably be a post m*leven break-up thing where mike is unsure if he has a chance with will, so they’re both just dancing around each other,,,

anyway, there's the singles !! now onto the new songs :D

vi. ascensionism: my absolute favourite song of the album ;-; there's something about fun genre-merging that really tickles my brain ~ i can't say i get the lyrics as much as the other songs, but from what i get it's about a relationship that's gone awry and both parts know they need to break up, but neither one wants to do it :( (there's also some stuff about a pseudo-religion called "ascensionism" and from what i get, it would imply that our main character believes they deserve this because of something they did in a previous life, so by accepting this, they will be able to ascend,,, or something like that x.x again, i don't quite get it just yet.) anyway, as much as i like this song i can't really connect it to byler ;-; maybe an exes fic, where they reflect on their fallout ? i don't do well with those, unfortunately x.x

vii. are you really okay?: this song is so pretty and sad :( i actually quite liked it !! it doesn't sound like anything from the soundtrack, i don't think, but it reminded me of my favourite film ever ("the crow") ~ the 90s vibes are delightful and it really gave me a feel of nostalgia that only added on to the emotion ;-; now, out of all the lyrics i'd say these are the most straightforward so i don't think i need to say what this is about :( and it's not quite the same, but i heard this part and had an idea for a short fic: - - - - - - - - - - - and i, i cannot fix your wounds this time. but i, i don't believe you when you tell me you are fine. please don't hurt yourself again. - - - - - - - - - - - picture this: during the confrontation about the painting, mike finds out about everything will has sacrificed to help him be happy so he tries to comfort him.

viii. the apparition: ah, this song feels so short :( it's very pretty though, all about vessel's troubled relationship with sleep ~ indeed, those lyrics you mentioned do feel very byler coded :O maybe their feelings between s3 and s4, when both of them were mourning their perceived lost connection (which they could've solved with a single phone call, but alas,,,) ? something like that ~ as for the dream stuff, i can definitely see will yelling this at vecna, once he's fed-up with the nightmares and being messed with and all that: - - - - - - - - - - - just let me go or take me with you. - - - - - - - - - - - granted, vessel's relationship with sleep is more of devotion than hatred (as reflected by the rest of the lyrics), but that particularly line gave me that visual :O i propose an alternative to the vecna interpretation, though: - - - - - - - - - - - why are you never real? whenever you appear you leave me with that grace, i am trembling with fear. but i know that you will disappear, just as i awake. whisper in my ear. - - - - - - - - - - - imagine that will's been taken by vecna (slipped into a coma or something of such nature) and he communicates with mike through his dreams :] that could be interesting, i think ~

x. rain: woo, byler-coded song !! those verses you wrote definitely feel like them, maybe once they get their stuff together and they accept that they can achieve happiness with each other ;-; i also love the references to other songs ~ part of the chorus feels a lot like "atlantic", there was a callback to "aqua regia" (something about 'saturate'), the 'game' part of the lyrics might be tied to "blood sport",,, i really like it !! the music is amazing and i can proudly inform you that listening to this as it rains around you is a wonderful experience ~ i have nothing more to add to your analysis n_n so, for a fic, i'd write about the direct moment after they defeat vecna and everything is done, with them running into each other's arms and just being happy to have each other, fully, at last.

xi. take me back to eden: the title track,,, an absolute masterpiece ;-; it's got everything musically, the most amazing breakdown, and it really is the perfect song to explain who they are :( and vessel's lyrics,,, "i dream in phosphorescence",,, who thinks of that ? x.x he's by far one of the best lyricists i know >.< the references to previous releases are so cool, too: - the ocean references are a call back to "tpwbyt" - the second verse alludes to "nazareth" (my favourite song) - the biting stuff is from "the offering" - shakespeare's "the merchant of venice" gets quoted - and of course, the first verse from "chokehold" is repeated to round the whole thing up :O ah, amazing,,, anyway, about the lyrics you shared,,,, yes. to all that ~ perfect interpretation <3 the chorus itself can be very byler, too: - - - - - - - - - - - my, my, those eyes like fire, i'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre. come now, bite through these wires, i'm a waking hell and the gods grow tired. reset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higher, grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire. - - - - - - - - - - - from mike's pov, he knows he's attracted to will and he perceives that acting on those feelings is dangerous (he's a moth to a flame), but at some point he's tired of being miserable and wants to confront this. it also works from will's pov, with him having already (unknowingly) been hurt by mike and he's tired of hurting, but he can't seem to back away. ,,,i think it works, but you tell me ~ overall, the song really reflects a longing for an innocence lost and we all know mike, will and the entire party can resonate with that :(

xii. euclid: the perfect outro to the album (and the trilogy) !! such a gorgeous piece with one too many musical and lyrical references to other songs to list x.x with the way it ties back to "the night does not belong to god" (first song in sundowning), it really feels like closing a chapter and i can't pretend it didn't make me cry ;-; (i wonder if the song is called euclid because he was the father of geometry, and this song turns the trilogy into a circle,,,) anyway, i haven't got much more to say than what you've already mentioned,,, these lyrics have been gorgeous since the original song,,, - - - - - - - - - - - the whites of your eyes turn black in the lowlight. in turning divine we tangle endlessly, like lovers entwined. - - - - - - - - - - - and these ones (which you already mentioned but i want to repeat because they gave me chills with how pretty they are) really encapsulate byler, i think - - - - - - - - - - - do you remember me when the rain gathers? and do you still believe that nothing else matters? for me it's still the autumn leaves, these ancient canopies that we used to lay beneath. - - - - - - - - - - - yeah,,, i've got nothing more to say,,,

anyway,,, thank you for this wonderful ask and for letting me ramble about this beautiful band and these beautiful lyrics and connect it all to the other thing i love !! sorry it took me days to get through this, i needed some time to digest the whole album ;-; hope you liked my insight (?) and the fic ideas and stuff i mentioned !!

for now, i think it's about time i wrap this ridiculously long post up x.x to whoever is reading this, i really hope you're having the best day or night ever, and that you enjoyed reading my nonsense ~ i'll see about writing some of the fics i mentioned in this post, but it will (obviously) take me a bit x.x

farewell for now !! <3

[purpleandsilver]

@lifemod17 tagged me in this so here's

Scarlet's Top Ten Songs

Here's the list:

Ascensionism- Sleep Token

The Summoning- Sleep Token

Work Song- Hozier

Stick Season- Noah Kahan

Waiting On The Sky To Change- Starset ft. Breaking Benjamin plus Judge & Jury

Hurt You- Spiritbox

Faultline- Starset

Already Dead- iPrevail

Ashley- Halsey

Concrete Jungle- Bad Omens

This list was almost impossible to make. My music library on YouTube Music is HUGE. Would be bigger if I was still a fan of Taylor Swift.

Full explanations below the cut 🔽

Tagging @murderofcrow if they want to participate 💜

1. Ascensionism: Sleep Token

Album: Take Me Back To Eden

Why: The god-tier drums, the guitars, the piano at the beginning and end, the lyrics. Everything about it is a masterpiece made for my ADHD brain to absolutely vibe to. Vessel said "worship" and my brain went, "bitch I may be asexual but I'm on my knees for this song"

Favorite part: lipstick, chemtrails, red flags, pink nails/ with one eye on the door, other eye on a rail/other other eye following a scarlet trail and the last drops from the Holy Grail

2. The Summoning- Sleep Token

Album: Take Me Back To Eden

Why: TikTok likes to call this song "the baby making song" and you know what? I get it. I've never fucked, but I suppose men can last for six minutes and thirty six seconds. Women definitely can. Anyways, I love how this song has range. It goes from god-tier drums (II is an absolutely amazing drummer), to epic guitar, to just the most epic of everything. The lyrics are even better.

Favorite Part: Oh and my love?/ Did I mistake you for a sign from God? Or are you really here to cut me off?/ 'Cause these days, I'd be lying if I told you that/I didn't wish I could be your man.

3. Work Song- Hozier

Album: Hozier

Why: Back when I felt like I had to listen to pop music Just Because, I wandered into the realm of Hozier. Now, Hozier I would classify more as alternative, maybe even folk, more than pop. But this song popped up when I was listening to cardigan (by Taylor Swift), and it's just... omg. Work Song is utterly an obsession and every time I hear it I'm hitting repeat faster than the speed of a bullet.

Favorite Part: Nothin' in her room, but an empty crib/And I was burnin' up a fever/didn't care much, how long I lived/But I swear I thought I dreamed her

4. Stick Season- Noah Kahan

Album: Stick Season

Why: Once you become a Hozier girlie (gn), the path that leads you to Noah Kahan is nothing more than a slip n' slide. Stick Season's chorus sums perfectly why I hate living in Ohio even though the song is about Vermont

Favorite Part: And I'll dream each night of some version of you/That I might not have, but I did not lose/Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes/ And I'm split in half but that'll have to do

5. Waiting On The Sky To Change- Starset ft. Breaking Benjamin + Judge & Jury

Album: N/A (single)

Why: Starset was introduced to me in high school. I'm not sure how I found their first album, but somehow I went from Bastille to Starset. Don't ask. No, I wasn't okay. Lol. This song was released two years ago and it's a whole vibe.

Favorite Part: I've been frozen since that day/ I saw my clear blue skies as they turned to gray in front of me/ It's hard to find my way Can I rise above when giving up is all know?

6. Hurt You- Spiritbox

Album: Eternal Blue

Why: The beat and especially the drums (I love me some good ass drums).

Favorite Part: I hope you find what you're fighting for/ I am happier when I hurt you/ Your medicine is the coldest war

7. Faultline- Starset

Album: Divisions

Why: Again with the drums. But particularly the lyrics. To me, it's a song about feeling insecure and anxiety. I often feel shaky in my most anxious moments so this song gets it. What's more anxious than an earthquake?

Favorite Part: It's never black and white, no/ Going seismic out of spite, oh/ I never know if it's your fault or mine

8. Already Dead- iPrevail

Album: Lifelines

Why: The heavier metal beats, the loud vocals

Favorite Part: Tell me now, how do you sleep at night?/With the Devil in your bed laying right by your side

9. Ashley- Halsey

Album: Manic

Why: I can't explain, but I feel this song deeply and personally. It's a song of longing.

Favorite Part: And if only/ the time and space wasn't lonely/ l'd disintegrate into a thousand/ I think I'm making a mistake, who will fill the empty space?

10. Concrete Jungle- Bad Omens

Album: The Death Of The Peace Of Mind

Why: I love the synth vocals, I love how the chorus feels so epic.

Favorite Part: The coyotes cry/ And the sirens pass and harmonize/ Fires starting every day and night/ Burn around us while we're trapped inside/ Wouldn't it be nice/ To play the game without a crooked die