#either I start crying or hallucinating or I do both

[birb-catto]

Spoiler Warning: Meaning of the Name Yudrain

Yudrain roughly translates to "the beginning and the end," which can be interpreted as "forever."

Kishiar is an Alpha (first letter of the Greek alphabet; the beginning)

Yuder is an Omega (last letter of the Greek alphabet; the end)

If there is no Kishiar who gave Yuder a new name in the beginning, then there is no Yuder who harbors feelings for him and decides to save him in the end.

The beginning and the end.

Just like how two halves make a whole, how two ends of a thread make a circle, two people are needed to make the word "forever" meaningful.

Take what you will of this.

[ihni]

Billy Hargrove has been dead for little over two months when Steve opens the door to find him on the doorstep, dirty and pale and shaking. He stares at Steve with wide eyes – bluer than Steve remembers – before he collapses into a heap of dirty limbs halfway across the threshold. Steve pulls him inside, disposes of him in the couch in the living room, and naturally proceeds to freak the fuck out.

After some processing, he decides that he must be experiencing a very vivid dream – and honestly, it’s a welcome change after the usual nightmares – and since it’s merely a dream, he opens a bottle of his dad’s best whiskey, because where’s the harm, right?

An hour later finds Steve sitting on the floor with his back to an armchair, predictably drunk and watching Billy sleep. Or possibly being unconscious. It doesn’t really matter which, since it’s only a dream.

Turns out, though, that it’s not a dream – or if it is, it’s a damn weird one. Because Billy wakes up, and when he looks around the room and spots Steve there, he starts to cry, which. Is not something that Steve’s brain could ever dream up, alcohol-soaked or not. And Billy feels solid enough under Steve’s hand, when he awkwardly pats the other boy’s shaking shoulders.

The events that have taken place are eventually revealed, but make no sense to either of them. Apparently Billy woke up somewhere dark and cramped (the coffin, he doesn’t say, but Steve hears it anyway), promptly panicked, and … broke out, somehow. Dug himself out from the rain-soaked earth, and stumbled along the roads until he saw a house he recognized. Which was Steve’s house.

It’s impossible, Steve knows. Billy has been dead for months. Steve saw him die – had first row seats to the sight of him getting impaled by a monster made out of meat and bones – and coming back from the dead after all that is simply not possible. Yet here Billy is, sitting on the floor of Steve’s living room, not a mark on him.

(Literally. There are no marks, no scars. Just smooth skin where they both know he was speared through.)

They spend the rest of the night slowly making their way through Steve’s dad’s expensive whiskey.

In the morning, Billy says, voice hoarse; “I need you to drive me to California.”

Steve thinks of asking why. Thinks of Max, thinks of Billy’s parents, thinks of telling the Party or the police or at least some adult who would possibly know what to do. What he says, though, is “Okay.” The world swims, and he adds, belatedly, “Tomorrow, though. I’m too drunk to drive now.”

A snort is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep where he’s sitting.

~~~

Half the next day is spent nursing hangovers and realizing that nope, last night wasn’t a dream or an alcohol-induced hallucination. The other half is spent making preparations for the trip.

Now when Steve is sober, he revisits the idea to simply tell someone. Billy being back is a miracle, and there are people mourning him, people who has missed him –

Billy shuts that down hard and fast. “No one is mourning me here,” he says, voice gravel-rough. “If they act like they do, it’s because they’re feeling guilty. There’s nothing left for me here.” He licks his lips, and his next words are a whisper. “I never wanted to come here in the first place.”

And, like. If he really thinks about it, Steve realizes that they wouldn’t be able to keep Billy being back a secret if he stayed in Hawkins. And if they tell Max, or Billy’s family, then word would spread. The government would no doubt hear of it. There would be a high probability of Billy being taken in for tests, experimentation, whatever else.

He doesn’t deserve that, Steve thinks as he watches Billy emerge from the shower wearing borrowed clothes. Because Billy died saving them. Sacrificed himself for them, even when they’d done so little to try to save him. This? Driving Billy to California? It’s the least Steve can do for him.

~~~

They get on the road the next day. Steve has taken time off work blaming the death of an elderly aunt and a rare family gathering, and been as vague as he can get away with concerning how long he’ll be away. Early in the morning, they put their bags – Billy’s is a borrowed one, containing only Steve’s things since he has nothing of his own and understandably didn’t want to keep the clothes he had on when he was buried – in the trunk of the car, and get in.

Steve is driving. When they pass the “Leaving Hawkins” sign, Billy lets out an audible sigh and slumps down in his seat. Steve glances over at him, and Billy explains without being prompted; “I always hated this town. I can’t believe they fucking buried me here.”

His incredulousness over the fact draws a snort out of Steve.

~~~

It’s strange, how easy it is to get used to having Billy Hargrove next to him while in a confined space. Stranger yet, how well they get along considering their history. And even more strange, how different Billy seems now, when they’ve left Hawkins behind them.

Or perhaps it’s not strange at all – at least not in comparison to all the other weird stuff they’ve both seen and somehow lived through. In the great scheme of things, one young man coming back from the dead and wanting to go back home doesn’t even make the top ten list of weird shit.

Billy is surprisingly funny, and witty, and smart – and it is dazzling without the sharp edges. It takes Steve a while to recognize what is missing, and when he does, it makes him watch Billy with new eyes. Because Billy doesn’t seem to exist behind a layer of anger anymore. The tension is gone. The further they get from Hawkins, the easier Billy seems to breathe.

The change is remarkable. Makes Steve think that he probably never knew who Billy really was, before this.

He finds himself thinking that he is looking forward to getting to know the real Billy.

~~~

They take turns driving. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they sit in companionable silence, and sometimes whoever’s in the passenger seat naps while the other drives. They stop at gas stations to stock up on gas and snacks, and at diners for food. That first night, they drive straight through, but the next night they stop at a motel for some proper sleep in a bed.

They share a room, but lie in separate beds. They talk for hours in the dark before falling asleep.

“I never wanted to be buried underground,” Billy says, when they’re both on the edge of sleep. “They knew that.”

“What did you want, then?” Steve asks, never having considered an alternative.

“I wanted to get back to the ocean,” Billy says. “Have my ashes spread over the surface of the water and become one with the waves again.”

Steve doesn’t know what to say to that. That he’s sorry that even Billy’s own family didn’t respect his final wishes? That it sucks that they buried his body in the dirt of a town he hated, leaving him to rot there forever when he never even wanted to come there in the first place?

“’One with the waves’ … That sounds beautiful,” he decides on. And then, as an aside, “I’ve never even seen the ocean.”

Steve can hear the smile in Billy’s voice when he speaks next. “You’re going to love it. It’s … everything.”

~~~

They get closer – to California, and to each other – and the closer they get, the less urgency Steve feels to get to their destination. Because what will happen when they get there? Steve can’t just leave Billy there without a means to support himself. Without a home, without a car, without money – without someone to take care of him. Steve can’t help it – he worries.

And then he looks at Billy’s smiling face next to him, and feels his worries being washed away.

He still finds himself taking the scenic route more often than not. Insisting on taking detours to see the sights. Claiming he’s too tired to drive unless he takes a break.

Billy smiles as if he knows what Steve is doing, but he doesn’t make a comment. Doesn’t complain. Seems to enjoy this little bubble they’re in together, in Steve’s car with the world passing them by outside.

It’s strange. But it’s nice, too. Steve kind of doesn’t want it to end.

~~~

The last night, they stop at a motel an hour or two from their destination. They could have kept on driving, but none of them seemed to want to. So they get a room, as usual. Steve pays, as usual. There are two beds, as usual.

Yet, when it’s time to sleep, Billy forgoes his own bed and goes to stand by Steve’s. There’s a question in the air between them, unasked.

Steve answers by peeling back the comforter in invitation. His mouth is dry and his heart is beating like a drum in his chest as Billy climbs in next to him.

They don’t speak much, that night. But they kiss. And they hold each other.

“I never wanted to come to Hawkins,” Billy whispers between kisses. “And I hated it there. But I met you, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.”

The next morning, they wake up in each other’s arms.

~~~

“I’ll show you my home,” Billy says when they get back in the car after breakfast. Steve is back behind the wheel, because he wants a reason to keep his eyes on the road. If he watches Billy too much, he’ll do something stupid – like turn the car around and go back to Hawkins with Billy still in it, or perhaps decide not to go back to Hawkins at all, himself. Just, stay here with Billy, for a while longer.

It’s a fantasy that hurts, so he pushes it down. Concentrates on following Billy’s directions, and drive through a city bigger than one he’s ever been in.

(When he first spots the glittering blue between buildings, he gasps. So does Billy.)

They drive through the city, then out of it. Along a winding road with fewer and fewer buildings around, the ocean vast and terrifyingly endless to their right. Eventually Billy directs them down a gravel road that doesn’t have a sign and looks like it might lead onto private property. Steve would worry, would perhaps protest, if it wasn’t for the longing on Billy’s face.

They have to walk the last bit, Billy says. They get out of the car. It’s hours before noon, but it’s already warm. Steve’s in just a T-shirt, and for a second he his face to the sun to feel the warmth of it on his skin – before turning to Billy only to see him turned to the sun, too. Like a flower in bloom.

He looks golden, in this light.

After a short walk down a steep incline, they end up on a little beach. A tiny one, empty, with rocky outcrops on either side which makes it seem like they’re the only people on earth. The sand is fine and pale under their feet, the water lapping at the edges of it and then stretching out in front of them until it meets the horizon, far far away.

It’s beautiful. But it’s not exactly a house. And didn’t Billy say he’d show Steve his home?

“Mom used to take me here when I was a kid,” Billy says, kicking off his shoes. Steve does the same, and pulls off his socks as well. “We used to come here all the time.” Billy holds out his hand with a smile, and Steve takes it. They make their way to the water. “She’d watch me play in the water for hours, sitting on a towel, just listening to the waves and the seagulls.” The first step into the water is a shock – it’s cold, but not freezing. It almost feels alive. Steve takes a tentative step after Billy, bolstered by Billy’s widening smile. “I think taking me here was the most peaceful she ever got to be. It was for me, at least. The best times of my childhood.”

They stand there in the surf, feet in the water and holding hands, when Billy turns to Steve. His eyes are shining with unshed tears and his smile is wobbly as he places his hands on either sides of Steve’s face and leans in for the softest of kisses; their lips just barely brushing against each other.

“Thank you,” he says, and Steve’s heart skips a beat because it sounds like goodbye, “for not letting me stay buried in Indiana.”

He backs up a step. Brushes a tear from Steve’s cheek – that he hadn’t realized had fallen – and turns towards the endless sea. Takes a deep breath and starts walking.

Steve wants to reach out to stop him, wills himself to to say something, but he can’t. Somehow, he knows that this is where they were heading from the start. This is why they had to go here.

As Steve watches, Billy … dissolves. Like in a movie. One moment he is solid, and the next he’s … not. He turns to dust in front of Steve’s eyes, fine dust that glitters like gold in a sudden ray of sunlight. It – he – is spread out over the water, is carried over the clear surface by the gentle breeze.

Instead of being trapped in the ground inland, he becomes one with the waves again.

[emotionalsupportemoboys]

SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR

Just an idea I wanted to get out of my head. A quick Dabi x F!Reader where he gets the (mostly) happy ending that he deserves, god damn it. I may expand on this at some point, we’ll see. Contains vague spoilers for chapter 390.

1.2k words

You’re watching the coverage and you see the moment when Touya’s badly charred body hits the ground. You were supposed to stay away, to remain in the flanks supporting the fight, but you book it to his location; Endeavor and all the others be damned.

The Todoroki family looks on in stunned silence as you drop to your knees beside him, crying his name and begging him not to die. He can’t see you, but he can hear you, and he croaks a single, pained word, “…Doll…”

Your heart shatters.

He was your world and you were watching it slowly slipping away.

You plead for him to hang on while searching for a place to lay your hands. Even in his fractured state of mind, he knows what you’re doing and he’s afraid that you might take a lethal toll on your body by using your quirk to heal him. It probably wouldn’t even be enough to save him, you were bitterly aware of that, but it wasn’t going to stop you.

“Don’t.”

“I have to try, Touya! I love you! I love you so much! Please don’t leave me!”

He knew this. You’d told him countless times before, but even so, he’s grateful that these are the last words he ever hears. Knowing that he was truly loved tempered the pain of failing to accomplish his goal. He just wished that he could stay to love you longer, to give you the normal life that you deserved.

You pour every ounce of yourself into keeping him alive and the chaos around you eventually fades to black.

. . .

It feels like everything is over in an instant.

His eyes flutter open and he briefly experiences the same sights and sounds from the battlefield before realizing that he was somewhere else; in a brightly lit, sterile room. He didn’t recognize this place, but you were sitting beside his hospital bed, fast asleep while upright in a folding chair.

He’s so relieved to see you that bloody tears well in his eyes before spilling over onto his cheeks. You looked different, healthy, and no longer war-torn. How much time had passed?

He’s not entirely sure what he’s expecting to see when he looks down at his hands, but the fact that he has both is startling enough. It takes some effort for him to move his tired body. He touches his face and finds smooth skin where scars and staples had once been. Was he dreaming? Was he dead?

He quickly decides that he didn’t mind either option, so long as he got to stay with you. He watches you sleep for what feels like an eternity before finally reaching over to take your hand.

You were solid. Real. Warm. Familiar.

“Doll?”

You wake to the sound of his hoarse voice and, for a second, you’re half convinced you must be hallucinating.

“Touya?” Your heart leaps inside your chest. You’d been praying for this moment for so long, having fantasized about it so many times that it almost didn’t seem real.

You throw yourself at him, pulling him into a fierce hug, which he reciprocates as best he can.

“Don’t cry, Doll,” he says softly while rubbing your back.

“You’re one to talk,” you sniffle, having noticed the crimson tears on his face. “Fuck, I love you so much, I’m so glad you’re awake.” You start sobbing in spite of yourself, “I missed you.”

He clears his throat, getting choked up as he squeezes you tighter, “I love you, too. More than anything.”

You enjoy each other’s company for a while, holding each other in comfortable silence, just as you always had. This man was your best friend, your lover, your fucking soul mate. You could have sat with him in silence until the end of time and it would have been more than enough just knowing that he was still breathing.

“How long was I out?” He asks quietly, expecting you to say a few weeks, or maybe a couple months.

You pull back to look at him wearing a sad smile, “Three years.”

“What!?” He blinks at you in shock.

You nod while squeezing his hand, “Just like Sekoto Peak.”

He probably shouldn’t have been surprised, it made sense considering his previous experience, though he was in much better shape this time around. His body looked damn near brand new, but he did still have some scarring on his torso, which would forever serve as a reminder of the pain and suffering he’d endured.

Over the course of the next few days, you explain how you’d found the best healers who’d survived the war to work on him. You also gently break the news about the villains losing and Endeavor still being alive, though he’d long since retired after issuing an apology to him and their family. You assure him that his efforts hadn’t been completely in vain, as society had made some changes for the better over the last three years, and the PLF was still working underground.

He takes his time processing all of this information, not quite sure how to feel. You help him through it, rarely leaving his side.

. . .

One week later, you walk into his room and sit on the bed to take his hand. He’d been doing well. You could see him slowly starting to envision a future for himself for the first time in years and you believed it was time to press forward.

“Touya, there’s someone very special who I want you to meet.”

He looks at you curiously, and with a bit of apprehension.

You smile fondly, “I think you’ll like him. He’s a lot like you.”

He narrows his eyes, but agrees to this meeting.

You step out and return a few minutes later carrying a small boy on your hip.

Touya knows as soon as he sees him.

His heart stops, his blood runs cold, and his stomach lurches. He tells himself that it couldn’t be possible, but there was no denying what was right in front of him, and the timeline added up.

“Mama!” The toddler says sweetly, beaming while tugging on the front of your shirt. He had a mop of white hair and big, beautiful blue eyes, just like his father.

He was the most precious and yet utterly terrifying little thing that Touya had ever encountered in his life. He stares at him in awe while fighting back tears.

You move to sit in the chair beside the bed and the boy suddenly takes notice of Touya. It’s rather endearing how the two gawk at each other.

“Touya, this is Seiko,” you say softly while ruffling his messy hair.

The look of pure love and devotion on your face as you gaze at your son—his son—makes his heart swell. His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as he struggles to keep his emotions in check.

“The Sweepy Man,” Seiko says while pointing at Touya. “Mama, he ‘wake.”

“Yes, baby. He was asleep for a long time, but he’s finally awake. Do you wanna say hi?”

Suddenly shy, Seiko hides his face against your neck before mustering the courage to peek at the so-called Sleepy Man, whom he’d been visiting every day since birth. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Touya’s voice cracks as a single crimson tear escapes from the corner of his eye, yet he finds himself smiling. “Hi, Seiko. I’m…I’m your dad.”

[winterchimez]

A New Beginning With You | Lee Juyeon

SUMMARY: it has been a couple of years since you and your childhood best friend, Juyeon, went on your separate ways. Years later, you were given the opportunity to return to Seoul to pursue a new career, only to find out that your new employer is the one you have been dreading to see. Will you toss away all of the emotions again, or will you finally come to terms and fix this broken relationship with him?

PAIRING: ceo!Juyeon x f!reader

GENRE: office au, ex-childhood friends to lovers, coming of age, angst, fluff

WARNINGS: nc-17, slow-burn, this is pretty angsty ngl 😭, betrayal, several heart wrenching moments (it takes a while for both Juyeon and reader to figure out their emotions), language (one curse word), miscommunication, alcohol consumption, reader gets drunk a couple of times, several heated arguments, petnames (princess, sweetheart), kissing

WORD COUNT: 15,466

A/N: here is my submission for deoboyznet's holiday exchange event!! boo @cloverdaisies i'm your secret santa 🎅👀 ngl i did struggle with the prompts that you gave mainly cs i don't usually read/watch coming of age works so i hope i did this fic justice 🥹🥹🥹 big big shoutout to @momhwa-agenda for choosing the banner, also helping me to beta read (along with @from-izzy @juyeonszn) sending my unending kisses and hugs to all of you 😘💕

Seven years ago 

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” 

It all just felt so sudden, and you weren’t sure if you were hallucinating as you heard those words that came out from the mouth of your best friend for the past seventeen years. You both have made a promise to one another since you both were in kindergarten that no matter how big or small the situation may be, you both will always have each other’s backs and that no secrets were to be kept from one another, even if they may feel like you have been punched right into the face during the aftermath of it all. 

Or that was what you thought. 

“Y/N…I had no control over anything…you do know how my father often has to travel across the globe for his job—”

“But that doesn’t change the fact that you decided to keep it a secret from me when you first discovered that you were potentially going to follow your father’s footsteps for his company.” 

From the beginning, you knew that Juyeon’s father worked at a relatively elite corporate company. Because of his status, he was often sent away to various countries to fulfill his job. It has been decades since his father has been in and out of Seoul, and he would often travel on his own not wanting to bother his family and wanting them to have a peaceful life here. 

Never in a million years would you have thought that he would bring his entire family along with him as he starts a new chapter in his life in the States, and also get Juyeon to follow in his father’s footsteps. 

You were on the verge of crying, your cheeks were heating up, and you had unintentionally balled up your fists, clearly failing terribly to suppress the anger and betrayal you felt. 

“I just don’t get it, Juyeon. You have always wanted to pursue basketball. Hell, you have even sought a sports scholarship to get into one of the prestigious universities in Seoul! Why are you giving up now?” You huffed. 

You could tell that he was showing some reluctance in his answer, and truthfully, he didn’t really know how to give you an answer, either. But he decided to reply in the most plausible and fitting one that was right for the current situation you both were in. 

“Family has to always come first, Y/N. If it were for my family's future, especially my stay-at-home mother and younger brother, I would do anything to ensure my father and I can provide for them.” 

You scoffed. “Bullshit.” 

You took a few steps forward until you were merely inches apart. Looking straight into Juyeon’s eyes, you could tell he felt the same way and was also trying to hold back his tears. 

“You’re not the Juyeon I know. My Juyeon, who has been right by my side ever since we were kids, would always go above and beyond to work for what he truly wants. He is never afraid to voice his opinion, and he would do anything to ensure his happiness would be fulfilled no matter the consequences.” 

Finally, the tears that you have held back for so long began dripping down your face as you began to hit him simultaneously on his chest.  

“What exactly happened to you, Juyeon?”

At the same time, tears clouded his vision as a single teardrop dripped onto his face. You could tell that something was holding him back from telling you the truth, if any, and his following answer would break you down even more.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

With that, a black car pulls up at the school entrance, revealing his younger brother rolling down the window to call out for his big brother. You could see multiple pieces of luggage lined up at the back trunk of the car, and they were ready to head straight to the airport. 

With a glance back to signal to his family that he would be coming shortly, he turned to you to apologise once more before gently pushing you away to leave.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I wish you all the best in your future as you enter university and eventually the workforce.” 

Just like that, Juyeon quickly sped down the stairs and opened the door to the car before settling in. Within seconds, his parents, sitting in the front seats, gave you a little wave before they drove away right through the exit. 

Almost instantly, all of the built-up tension was suddenly released from you all at once, and you finally broke down crying at the entrance of your high school. What you thought would be a memorable, happy graduation for you both as you parted ways with your youth years turned out to be one sad separation from your best friend. 

You both planned your summer holidays with one another before officially enrolling in university in the autumn. You were going to head to Busan for a five-day trip during the first month, going to visit your aunt who lived on the outskirts of Seoul to help her in her fieldwork (especially when she has a soft spot for Juyeon), and even going to visit all of the bazaars that were going to be held in central Seoul. 

There were so many potential activities and times you could have had with one another, and you were even planning to propose to Juyeon that you wanted to be more than just childhood friends. 

Because you have been having an insane crush on him since you were kids, and you realised it was love by the time you both entered high school.

Unfortunately, it was too late to confess your love to him, as he was now long gone, heading straight to the airport before he eventually said his final goodbye to his home for the past seventeen years, Seoul. 

Maybe it was fate that you both were just not meant to be with one another; perhaps it was why his father had no choice but to bring his whole family with him to start a new life in the States. 

For the first time, you cursed and blamed yourself for having such hope and planning a potential future with someone who was clearly out of your league, and you thought it had all been a waste of time since the beginning. 

With that, the little needle-felted cat you have been hiding and made last night was released from your grips as he fell towards the stairs and eventually towards the ground. As you noticed, more tears kept welling up in your eyes, and you brought both hands to cover your face, not wanting to care about anything right now. 

I shouldn’t have had so much hope. I was stupid enough actually to fall in love with you, Juyeon.

Present Day 

“Oh, Y/N! Looks like your article just got published in the London Mail this morning!” 

Your co-worker gave you a little pat on the back before he placed the newspapers right onto your desk, and it was clear how your article was published right on the front page with your name written very obviously at the right corner. 

“Please, it was nothing. It’s what I do all the time,” you replied bluntly. 

“What do you mean it was nothing? You just interviewed the rising actor of the month! That’s big news, and you deserve to celebrate it!" 

“Please, it really is nothing—” 

“Hey everyone, our department needs a little night out after work at the local pub! We’re toasting to Y/N’s big break in the news today!” 

Your co-worker shouted out loud, and eventually, cheers erupted in the office, everyone congratulating you and thinking about the potential drinks and songs they would go for once work is over. 

You smiled and chuckled at the sight. You have always loved your job and are grateful to have met such a fantastic group of people in this company. 

It wasn’t your dream to pursue the path of becoming a reporter in the beginning. Sure, you have always had a passion for writing, but you have always considered it your hobby. Thanks to your sister, who was studying abroad in Manchester then, who convinced you to take that leap of faith and turn that hobby into a potential job. 

So here you were, living the best of your life. You followed your sister’s footsteps and went on to live abroad in the UK, enrolling in the University of Manchester, where you successfully graduated with honours the past year. Thankfully, you secured a place in the London Mail right after graduation due to your outstanding grades. 

The move from Manchester to London was a bit tough, but you initially managed to pull through with your sister and her boyfriend's help. They were kind enough to help you settle down and stayed with you for the first couple weeks before returning to Manchester. You miss your sister’s presence, but you know that eventually, you had to venture out on your own and face reality as an adult. 

It has been a year, and you have adapted to living alone. Often, things would get tough, but it was also thanks to you having such a fantastic team of colleagues that you were able to pull through it all, even when there were times you had to work overtime to fulfill all of the datelines that were pilling up nonstop, especially during the holiday seasons. 

It wasn’t until recently that your article was accepted and published on the main cover page of the news, and that was when you finally earned your big break after a year. The company has deemed you to be one of the most talented youngsters they have had over the past decade, and they were more than happy to have had you as their employee. 

Since then, things have settled down for you as you got a pay rise and had fewer hours to give you more time to rest well, mainly when you only survived with four to five hours of sleep daily. Now, you can eat your breakfast correctly and get a good seven to eight hours of sleep before coming every day. 

Just as your co-workers were having the time of their lives trying to figure out the plans for tonight after work, your office desk telephone rang, and you picked it up hastily, thinking that you’d have another big scoop to write about

But it was from the CEO. 

“Miss Y/N, please report to my office immediately.”

You were back home after that fun night out at your local pub with your co-workers, holding a beer in hand as you FaceTime your sister over the phone. 

“Well, it’s a good opportunity for you, don’t you think, Y/N?” 

“I’m not too sure about all of this, sis. Like yeah, it would be great that I would be back home, but still—”

“Hey, I know mom would be ecstatic to have you back in Seoul with her. And it just so happened that you have been telling me how you recently began feeling a little homesick. I’d say it would be great for you to take up the offer.” She reassured. 

It was the moment your mouth fell open wide when you heard that you had been offered to be a senior reporter for one of Seoul’s top magazines at the moment, GQ Korea, where you would be interviewing potentially all of the current well-known celebrities in the country and getting a higher pay as well. 

It seems that they have come across your contributions from the London Mail, and they were keen to have you on their team. Your first thought was grateful as your works were recognised globally, but also because you miss being home. But another part of you has already settled in the UK, so you weren’t sure if leaving now would be the right choice. 

But now that your sister has given you some input, that was when you knew that it wouldn’t hurt to try it out, at the very least. 

With one final sip of your beer, you leaned forward and gave your sister a smile for the first time since calling her this evening. 

“I’m going home now, sis.”

It has been a week since you settled into Seoul, and you have loved being back in your comfort zone: the culture, the food, and the environment you grew up in. 

Your mom was overjoyed as she picked you up from the airport, insisting she would take your luggage, especially when you have flown almost twenty-four hours just to get home. By the time you got home, your mom was already ready and prepared with all the dishes she had premade before your arrival and needed to heat them quickly. 

You quickly took a shower before joining her at the dining table. You both chatted for close to midnight before she told you she would sleep ahead of you. Meanwhile, you decided to clean up your childhood bedroom to make space for everything you brought back from London. 

There was this nostalgia as you entered your room; everything was still the same, exactly how you had left it when you left for the UK years ago. The same old blue painting on the wall, all your posters hung on them, even your favourite comic books that were still arranged nicely on your bookshelf. 

You could tell there wasn’t a speck of dust in the room, indicating that your mom must have cleaned it occasionally. You couldn’t help but sigh, thinking about all the hard work she always puts herself through. 

It took you a while to go through all your belongings, mainly because you were reminiscing as you looked at the pictures, books, and figurines scattered throughout your room.

It wasn’t until you came across a box tucked away at the corners of your room that you pulled them out towards the centre as you opened them up. 

And god, you wished you hadn’t done that. 

All the pictures and items contained memories you had with your past lover, Lee Juyeon. 

You paused momentarily before reaching out to pick up the first item on top of the box: a picture. 

It was taken when you both were in kindergarten. You were holding hands, wearing backpacks and little yellow helmets on your heads. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight; it was nostalgic and cute. 

Right after that, you took out a pair of bracelets right below the picture. It was a friendship bracelet that you both made during middle school. It was summer when you recently discovered the trend of making friendship bracelets, where you went straight to Juyeon’s house across the street, practically dragged him back to your house, and got him to make one with you. You giggled at the thought of how Juyeon was so lost at the time, having to come to you almost every five seconds to tell you that he had either lost a piece or was having trouble threading the beads through the string. 

When you thought it would all be good memories, you stumbled upon the one item you wished you would not have to see again.

The needle-felted cat you made for him on the night before graduation. 

Unbeknownst to you, your hands began to tremble as you took the cat into your hands, staring at it as the memories flashed back: how you would give this to Juyeon and tell him that you were ready to be more than just close friends, up to the point of how he suddenly announced to you that he was leaving for good. 

Slowly, you felt that your tears were beginning to well up in your eyes, and you quickly dumped all of the items back into the box and tucked them back in the corner, using a few items you had in your room, such as cardboard to block it completely out of sight. 

You were not ready to go through all of the roller coasters of emotion once again. 

Especially when deep down in your heart, you still had some feelings left for him. Even if you did not wish to admit it out loud.

You stood outside the tall building as you tried your best to fix up the blazer that your mum insisted you put on for your big day. With your handbag and laptop, you gave yourself a deep breath before mentally preparing yourself that this would be your new workplace from now on. 

You looked to see the vast sign plastered outside the building: GQ Korea. You were definitely at the right place. It took you a few seconds to finally be able to take your very first steps into the building. Once you did, you were amazed at the astonishing art that filled the reception floor. It was a fashion and art magazine; after all, there was no doubt that the company's directors entailed such a choice of decorations to captivate everyone who walked into their building. 

You walked straight towards the counter, where you were greeted by two ladies who were already expecting your arrival. Immediately, they got you signed up in the system, and one guided you to one of the fifth floors, where you would be meeting your new team and department that you would be working with. 

As you were guided into the head of the department’s office, Ms Kim, who has been guiding and overlooking this particular department for the past five years, greeted you and made you feel comfortable instantly, which made all of your tensed-up muscles relax fairly quickly. She communicated well with you and, surprisingly, even shared some of the same ideals as you did. You were beyond grateful to hear when she mentioned that she has kept up with your works from the London Mail, and it was about time that the team needed someone like you. 

Once both of you had taken the time to break the ice, Ms Kim led you to your desk just outside her office, where countless cubicles filled the entire floor. At first glance, you have estimated that there were about fifty employees who worked in this department. It didn’t take them long to greet you personally before you eventually made your way to your desk in the middle of the floor. 

As you unloaded your bag of materials onto the desk and placed them in an organised manner, your hands digging through your bag finally stopped when you felt a familiar material. Instantly, you pulled it out to check what it was, and you were once again left speechless with what it was. 

A picture of you and Juyeon back during your graduation from high school.

The only plausible reason it was in your workbag was because of your mother. You have never once told her that things ended badly between you both, and you have always shrugged off the fact that you were still keeping in touch with the man himself and that you both were still having a healthy friendship. You just didn’t want her to worry much, especially when she knew how much you both have been through, and she practically treated Juyeon like her own son. 

As all loving mothers would do, she woke up hours ahead of you this morning to prepare you a filling bento box. She wrapped it with traditional cloth and placed it neatly into your work bag. At the same time, she probably put the little picture frame into the bag, hoping it would motivate you during work and decorate your new workplace. 

With just a few seconds of staring at it, you looked down to see an empty trash bin that sat right beneath your work desk, and without thinking much, you immediately placed the picture right into it. 

I’m sorry, mom. But I will not be needing it anymore.

Your first week of work flew by quickly as you easily got used to the working lifestyle. Seoul was your home, and it wasn’t hard to adapt back to the culture. In fact, you were grateful that your new group of co-workers could be on par with the ones back in London; they were all as great and supportive in helping you ease into the new environment. Your new co-workers even encouraged you to head out for a little drink at the local izakaya restaurant after work since it has been a long weekend for everyone, and you surely did enjoy the little company you had before heading home a little after midnight. 

In terms of fitting in as GQ Korea's new reporter, it has been a thrilling ride learning about all of the entertainment biz that has been going on in the country. Since your forte was with celebrities, your head of department had assigned you the same, focusing on the rising K-Pop stars in the industry. 

It has been a while since you kept up with Korean celebrities since you mainly focused on Western artists abroad for a couple of years. But as you kept up with the news and made sure to read the newspaper first thing every morning you came right in, you made sure that you have been kept up to date with all of the latest announcements and events that have been going on in the industry. 

Today was a big day for you as Ms Kim had instructed you to head up to the top floor, where you would first meet up with the CEO for the very first time since joining the company as he would like to brief you through the details in regards to the celebrities that will be coming later in the day.

You thought it was probably some hotshot celeb for the CEO to personally guide you through each step regarding what or how you should deal with them. However, you weren’t too mad since you figured they probably did things differently here in Seoul.

As you finally reached the top floor, you were then escorted by whom you assumed to be the CEO’s personal assistant, who was already expecting your arrival as they kindly let your head department know that she was free to leave. The walk down the hallway towards the CEO’s office seemed a little daunting to you for some reason; perhaps it was also because you were meeting someone who is considered to be one of the famous people in the heart of Seoul—there’s a reason why GQ Korea is always on the top-selling markets. 

As the assistant kindly knocked on the door and got a verbal cue from the other side, she took a step behind to let you move forward as you slowly turned the doorknob to enter the room. 

Immediately, you notice how the entire office is decorated extravagantly, filled with tons of high-end decorations that suit the taste of the CEO himself. The wide, clear windows dominated most of the room, offering a panoramic cityscape view. A curated selection of artwork filled the walls, which added a little personal touch to the working space. 

You didn’t realise that your mouth was wide open as you slowly took in the mesmerising view until you turned towards the desk, where the CEO was sitting on his chair with his back facing you, flipping through multiple documents in his hands. 

As you slowly made your way towards him, your little footsteps made the CEO’s ears perk up, causing the man to stand up and finally turn to face you in person for the first time. 

With that, your entire world seemed to pause for a moment. 

What exactly was going on? There was no way this young man could be the CEO, especially when you were certain that he had left Seoul years ago and sworn that his chances of returning to his homeland would be close to zero. Your laptop in hand was slowly beginning to slip off before you were brought back to reality and quickly caught it before it eventually hit the ground. 

That was when you finally muttered your first words since stepping into the CEO’s office. 

“J-Juyeon…?” 

It was pretty evident that the man himself was just as confused and shocked as you were; he practically stood there motionless, trying his best to make sense of the current situation.

“Y-Y/N? What are you doing here?” 

“I should be the one asking you that,” you replied. 

You were about to go haywire just from this interaction alone. It was hard enough for you to move on from what happened seven years ago, and it proved to be a lot harder than you thought when you came back a few weeks ago to see that all of the things that you’ve tried so hard to forget were now back in the comforts of your bedroom. 

Ever since then, you had promised yourself that you wouldn’t want anything to do with Juyeon anymore, and you have decided to shut your heart regarding anything related to the man himself. 

If only it were easier said than done. 

Juyeon finally took his first step away from his desk as he slowly approached you, extending his hand as if he was craving your touch again. You could tell that he was desperate for a little physical contact, perhaps to prove that you really stood in front of him. 

But you couldn’t, and you weren’t ready for any of that, so you backed off instead, giving him a clear signal that you weren’t on the same page as he was. 

There was this evident sadness in his eyes, and he tried his best to hold back his tears as his eyes began to water. 

“Y/N…I—”

“Miss L/N. You can address me that, Mr. Lee,” you bluntly replied before diverting your attention to the ground. 

It was when Juyeon finally got himself together and straightened his posture before clearing his throat. “Very well, Miss L/N. I’ll quickly brief you on the events happening today, with the group of celebrities arriving in a couple of hours soon. Please, have a seat.”

“I hate him, I really do!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as you took the pint of beer in your hands before slamming it down onto the table. Your sister had to restrain you from causing a scene at the bar, trying to settle you down and handing you a glass of water to chug down your system. 

Your sister had just recently came back to Seoul for a little vacation, and you immediately asked that she could keep you accompany down at the local izakaya restaurant that you often visited to let off some steam. 

“Karma is really on your side huh, Y/N,” your sister teased. 

“I-It’s not funny, sissy….” your voice began to slur, indicating that you were starting to get drunk at this point. “Why…of all people, why?! Why did it have to be him? As my boss! In my new workplace!” 

“Look, it can’t be that bad. Who knows, maybe you might get another chance again with him.” 

“That’s not the point, sissy….after what he has done to me? After all that I have done to try my best to move on from the past? This should not be happening to me at all!” Your voice broke as you began tearing up, causing your sister to pull you close into her embrace, slowly caressing your back to help soothe you a little. 

Your sister was well aware of your history with Juyeon, especially when you’ve spent weeks, which eventually that turned into months of crying out to her over the phone since she was already studying abroad then, she knew how much the whole situation wrecked you badly, to the point that it has taken you months to start going out and meeting people outside of university eventually. 

She was there when you were both younger, seeing how you developed a crush on him later and knowing you weren’t just childhood friends and had something way more than that. It was a shame that Juyeon left without telling you, and she would’ve gone to the airport to confront him about it if only she had been back in Seoul then. But deep down, she knew Juyeon as much as you did and knew that suddenly, something probably came up for him to leave the country like that. 

As a matter of fact, your sister had always wished and rooted for you both to become a couple eventually; she had always been a firm believer of childhood friends to lovers anyway, especially when that was how she ended up with her current fiancé. Now that you both have reunited in the most unexpected way, she believes her theory about you both eventually having a second chance was stronger than ever before. 

With that, she lifted her eyebrows as if she had just come up with a brilliant idea. “Say, little sis. What exactly are you up to at work tomorrow?” 

You sniffled. “Umm…I guess I have a meeting with Juyeon to discuss the upcoming fashion show that is due to be set in a couple of months. Why do you ask?” 

Your sister gave you a little smirk in return before cradling you like a baby again. “Oh, it was nothing. I’m sure you’ll have a fruitful discussion tomorrow.”

You dreaded coming to work today. The very first reason is that you woke up with a really bad hangover from last night, and you practically don’t remember much that has happened besides chugging down pints of beer from your system. It has been a while since you’ve drank this much, and most importantly, because you were upset over something. Otherwise, you were pretty much sober most of the time and always being the one to drag your co-workers home because they were far worse than you were. 

And, of course, it was also because you hated the idea that you must come face-to-face with your so-called ex-childhood best friend again—this time, in an actual meeting. Well, in some ways, you were glad that it was only a meeting for a potentially massive event that the company had been known to host for years and that Juyeon would probably be able to distinguish between personal and work-life issues. 

But still, you just weren’t ready to face him again, especially with the huge shock you’d received the day before. It was already hard enough for you to stay focused when Juyeon briefed you through your job scope and the meeting you would have for the day, trying your best not to let the tears drip down nor let the anger boil up. 

However, you had no choice since you must also stay professional at your work. You just got back to Korea, and there was no way you would chicken out and move everything back to the UK again. Well, potentially, you could, but it wouldn’t be an ethical move to make. 

So here you are, hugging your documents and laptop towards your chest, standing outside the meeting room. You had to take a few deep breaths before you could muster up the courage to turn the doorknob and enter the room. 

Once you did, you noticed how the entire room was filled up, with most of your co-workers in their designated seats, sorting through the documents they would use for the meeting. You immediately diverted your attention towards the front where Juyeon was seated, and you hated how you had actually spent a good minute admiring his features. 

He wore a simple beige coat over a white tee, paired with a pair of black slim pants with leather shoes. His black hair was styled all the way back, leaving a little strand of hair down on his forehead. He was busy flipping through his documents while setting up his laptop to project the PowerPoint slides for everyone to see. 

You just hated how extremely good-looking he was right now and that there was a high chance that you wouldn’t concentrate on your work throughout the next hour. 

And how you would actually want to run into his embrace and give him a little peck on the lips—

Wait, what? 

As Juyeon finally lifted his head from the monitor and looked at everyone else in the room, it was a sign that the meeting was about to commence, and you quickly took the still available seat, the front seat. 

Throughout the presentation, you tried your best to take in everything that Juyeon- well, your CEO, was trying to convey to his employees. It turns out that this upcoming fashion show would be one of the most crucial ones the company has ever done for years, especially now that all the big brands are willing to collaborate with GQ Korea and put out the best fashion show in the country. 

It was quite a breathtaking look to see how Juyeon was passionate about his job, talking and explaining each detail to his employees carefully while making it enjoyable for everyone to learn or be part of. With that, you have noticed how every single employee in the room was constantly taking down details as quickly as lightning, making sure not to miss out on any small detail. There were moments when some would raise their hands to ask further questions, and Juyeon was more than happy to answer them, making the whole meeting seem less stressful but instead quite engaging in return. 

There were times when you found yourself staring at him more than you should’ve, and every time he diverted his attention towards you, you would quickly duck your head down to look back at your laptop as if you were busy typing away on your notes. 

Time seemed to have passed quickly as Juyeon finally wrapped up the meeting and let everyone off. In fact, the meeting ended right at the dot, and it was just past noon, meaning it was lunchtime for all employees. Everyone was quick to dash through the door, their stomach grumbling after using up all of the energy for the meeting. For you, you decided to pack up your belongings at your own pace, knowing that you would be spending your lunch back at your cubicle with the little bento box your mother had packed for you this morning. 

As you are about to head straight for the door, the familiar voice stops you in your tracks, making you turn your head back to face the man himself. 

“Miss L/N, I would like to have a word with you.” 

Oh, god. It’s here. 

Mentally, you were cursing out all the vulgar words you knew at the back of your mind as you slowly approached your CEO, trying your best not to let out the croak in your voice. 

“Y-Yes, may I help you, Mr Lee?” 

“There is a place that I have to pay a short visit, and I would like you to keep me company.”

Whenever an employer or the CEO would address their employees to keep them company as they pay a visit to a certain location, it usually meant that it was to meet up with a client or to survey certain products or places that could significantly be crucial for the company’s success. 

But here you were, sitting in one of the fancy cafes that wasn’t far from the office, having lunch with your CEO, who was sitting in front of you. 

Juyeon said nothing along the way as he brought you to the cafe, insisting that you sit down and order from the menu with no questions asked. As awkward as it was, you were about to deny his request before he looked straight down towards the menu, not even glancing at you. 

You figured this was probably part of the job, and there was no way you would deny your CEO’s request right here and then, especially when it was working hours and everything was strictly business. 

Once both of you have made your orders to the waitress that just passed by a minute ago, you diverted your attention towards the tablecloth, not wanting to look straight at Juyeon. However, his deep voice caught your attention, and you lifted your head back up after hearing the words you had wanted to say for the past seven years. 

“I think it’s about time I told you the truth, Y/N.” 

Oh, he called you by your name. 

As you focus your attention right on him, you can see the sadness in his eyes once more, just like how it was back when you first encountered him in his office the day before. 

“Umm…with due respect Mr Lee—”

“Juyeon is fine. We’re outside of work, Y/N. I would appreciate it if you could talk to me like we used to, and I will do the same,” he responded, slowly resting his arms on the tablecloth as if he were leaning slightly closer to you. 

With that you took a significantly big gulp, knowing that the day you longed for was finally here. You were about to get the answers you desperately needed to know, but at the same time, you weren’t so sure if you wanted to know the truth right now, especially with all of the things that you have gone through trying your best to take him out of your life completely. 

“Will you please give me a chance to listen to what I have to say?” He pleaded, looking at you with a desperate look in his eyes. 

Your gut and mind were trying to tell you that you have done your best to completely eliminate him in your life for the past seven years. Would you give up easily and open your enclosed heart just like that? After all of the hard work that you have done? 

Say no, Y/N. You have gotten over the guy. It’s all over between you two—

“Yeah. Go on.” 

Goddammit, Y/N. 

Immediately, his eyes lit up upon your words, and his shoulders slumped down a little, indicating that he has relaxed a bit. 

“Oh, thank god, Y/N. I guess you were still the same old Y/N that I remembered—”

“You said we’re not employers and employees now, so I’d say cut to the chase with what you have to say while you can, Juyeon,” you bluntly replied as you crossed your arms around you. 

In return, Juyeon gave you a little weak smile and a sigh before he eventually diverted his full attention to you. 

“Remember when we got separated back in high school? During our graduation day, you—”

“You left me behind, Juyeon.” 

“I didn’t have a choice back then, Y/N. But now I’m here to tell you everything. You have no idea how our stomach dropped when my father came home and told us that his company was about to go bankrupt, and we were on the verge of losing everything.” 

So that was what happened.

“And how it was also the day my mother found out that she had cancer and her chances of recovery were lower than expected.” 

“J-Juyeon…w-why didn’t you tell me all of this?” 

“I wanted to. I really wanted to so badly, Y/N. Because you’re my best friend, and you deserve to know everything. But I just didn’t know how to, and I was afraid of what might happen, and I don’t want to put the pressure on you.” 

“W-Where are they now, then?” 

Juyeon had to take in a big breath before choosing his following words wisely, knowing it must’ve been hard to even talk about it publicly. “Mom became bedridden, and she’s still receiving treatment in one of the hospitals back in the States. Dad is currently running a small little shop near the hospital along with my little brother.” 

“Then, why did you come back here?” 

“I came back because starting a proper company there was tough. I figured there might be a slight chance things could work out here in Seoul. With the remaining funds we had, I eventually begged my dad to give his final trust in me as I found a way to make things work out. Luckily, we had some acquaintances back here, and they helped me get into one of the prestigious universities and eventually landed me a job here at GQ Korea. I started as a normal employee before I eventually became their CEO a year prior.” 

It was then you noticed a single teardrop on the verge of dripping down his face from the corners of his eyes. Naturally and unbeknownst to you, your hand reached for the tissues placed neatly on the table, and you leaned in to wipe away that single teardrop. 

Only then did you both realise what you were doing, and that was when your eyes widened, and you were about to prop down back to your seat.

That was until Juyeon grabbed your wrist, not wanting to let you go. 

“This teardrop is nothing, Y/N. I’m so sorry you have to see this side of me. It’s not very cool, I guess,” he chuckled, trying his best to lighten up the mood a bit. 

As soon as he says those words, your other free hand eventually finds itself on Juyeon’s shoulders, causing the male’s eyes to widen this time before you finally speak out the words that you have always wanted to tell straight to his face all those years ago. 

“Juyeon, you need to start learning to put yourself before others. And I really mean it.” 

“Y/N, I—”

“No buts. Even after all these years, you’re still the same as before, always prioritising others before your own. As much as you are the most kind-hearted soul I’ve ever seen, you need to start loving and giving yourself some credit,” you replied, adding a little pressure onto your grip on his shoulders. 

With that, none of you said a word for a good couple of seconds, and you both just spent the entire time staring into each other's eyes as if you were conveying your messages non-verbally. That was until Juyeon finally decided to break the tension off by smiling at you, a genuine one you had consistently grown to love back then. 

“So, am I back in your good graces now, princess?” 

You were finally brought back to your senses, and you quickly removed both hands from him and sat down swiftly back on your chair, ducking your head down while giving a slight pout. 

Juyeon missed this sight of you and was absolutely admiring the whole situation that unfolded before him. Just then, both of your meals arrived, and the same waitress from before gently placed each of your respective ones in front of you. Juyeon then gently placed the cutlery in front of you. 

“Dig in,” he mentioned before whipping out the napkin and placing it right on his lap, before going in with his cutlery to cut through his steak. 

In return, you swiftly picked up yours and roughly cut through your freshly cooked breaded cod fish. 

“No one calls a normal friend princess, Lee freaking Juyeon,” you mumbled.

Just when you thought that would be the only time you would actually spend some time alone with Juyeon, it turns out the male had perceived that you both were back just the way you were when you were kids. 

Since that day, Juyeon would actually make his way out to invite you often to join lunch with him at the same cafe, usually ordering a different dish from the wide selection of food on the menu. What Juyeon loved the most about the place was the ambience and good coffee, and he would always be seen ordering a big jumbo-sized cup of iced latte to bring back to his office to help get through the rest of the day. 

You, on the other hand, were often stuck with more or less the same few dishes that you’ve tried, and you, too, would order your usual iced americano back to the office once you both were done with the meal. 

At first, you have always tried your best to avoid having contact with him; that first lunch date was just a typical day, as you would try to convince yourself. But whenever Juyeon gets a little break out from the office, he would either send you a personal email or sometimes ask his personal assistant to come down to your department to inform you to wait for the man down at the lobby at noon. 

You obviously could do your very best to come up with excuses to let him know that you’re busy with something or you already have plans to eat with your co-workers, but it seemed that the heart does what it wants, and it does not align with the signals that your brain is trying to tell you; which is to avoid and cut off this whole friendship for good. 

So you were back to being the giddy seventeen-year-old little girl who often felt excited whenever you spent time with your childhood friend. Hence, every time you were taking the very last escalator down to the lobby, you would often use that little time to admire the way Juyeon would always lean against one of the pillars while swiping through his phone with one hand and keeping the other one inside the pocket of his coat. 

But you did not want to admit it just yet, so you would constantly remind yourself that he’s only back for a while; it wouldn’t be so easy to open up your ice-cold heart again. 

That was until today. 

Just a few days prior, Juyeon had given you a ticket to visit this huge Christmas market in the town centre. At first, you stared at the paper blankly, thinking it was all a joke and he couldn’t have gone with you. But the male made it clear that he invited you to come along, which would be the two of you together. 

Your heart was bouncing so fast that you were afraid it would eventually pop out of your chest as you slowly approached where you both were supposed to meet. You figured it best that you arrived twenty minutes earlier to compose yourself and try to understand your situation. 

As you paced back and forth for god knows how long, you finally heard your name being called out from the far distance, and you perked your head up to see that Juyeon was waving his hands and running towards you like he used to back when he was a kid. 

Once he finally stopped right in front of you, he began panting heavily to the point you were genuinely worried if this man was actually alright. 

“Woah, what the hell happened to you? You seemed like you were escaping from a monster or something,” you joked. 

“N-No…I went to get this for you…” Juyeon then hands you a brown paper bag, and you accept it while being all confused. 

“Open it, Y/N. Have a look at what’s inside,” he insisted before resting both hands on his hips. 

While giving Juyeon a weird look, you finally peeped into the bag and extended your arm into the brown bag before you finally felt something soft against your palms and eventually pulled whatever it was out. 

Your eyes widened when you saw what it was. 

“J-Juyeon…this…”

“Remember way back in high school; we promised each other that we would want to visit the Christmas markets, and how badly did you want this soft alpaca plushie that was way too expensive for neither of us to get our hands on? Yeah, I actually got it before the store closed like minutes ago.” 

He remembered. 

You have always been vocal about wanting this plushie for years, and there was no way your parents were buying it for you, claiming that it was way too expensive (which it was since it was part of a collaboration with one of the high-end fashion companies) and that you wouldn’t have a proper use for it. Back then, Juyeon couldn’t do anything but reassure you that one day, your wish would definitely come true while always giving you pinky promises. 

And now, you were finally receiving your biggest Christmas wishlist item as an adult, and you couldn’t be much happier. 

You laughed. “Juyeon, you do realise that I’m not a child anymore, right?” 

“Who says plushies are only meant for young children? Why can’t adults have their collection? I’ll tell you I have a Build-A-Bear in my bedroom.” 

“You must be joking.” 

“Mark my words, Y/N.” 

Eventually, you both started laughing out loud before you hugged the plushie close to you, activating the heating function in the toy to keep yourself warm; that was the main purpose that made you want to purchase this product long ago. 

“Thank you, Juyeon.” 

“Well, instead of thanking me, why don’t you keep me company for the night as we explore this Christmas market together?” 

You smiled. “With pleasure.”

“Oh, Juyeon~ Have I ever told you how much I’ve admired your good looks? I’d like to think that your family genes are something else.”

After an hour or two of walking through the entire Christmas market and having too much fun going to each stall and trying out the different activities and food, you eventually stumbled upon one located towards the furthest end and sold various eggnog drinks. You have never tried this particular alcoholic beverage before; you were mostly used to the beers that you often get back in the pubs in London. However, Juyeon insisted that you give it a go especially for the Christmas season, and he eventually bought both of you a mug. 

The initial taste seemed a bit off to you, but once the alcohol started kicking in, you eventually began to chug the whole liquid down as if it were nobody’s business. After some time, one mug of eggnog began turning into two, and then three, and finally, you were pretty sure that you were on your fifth mug by now. 

That was when Juyeon realised that he should’ve stopped you by your second or third mug because now you were barely walking properly without his aid, and your speech began to slur as he linked your arms over his shoulders, trying his best to support you while walking you back home. 

You both had to take the subway trains to head back to your apartment and during the entire time, you were clingy with your childhood friend, often wrapping your arms around him and giving him a tight squeeze while mumbling incoherent words. You caught the attention of all passengers and passersby, but Juyeon could only smile at how you looked right now. 

He had never seen you drunk before, and this was a whole new experience for him. But he wasn’t too mad that you reminded him so much of your younger self; it was as if he was witnessing the seven-year-old you again in the present day. 

After walking from the subway and, eventually, towards your front door to your apartment, Juyeon was about to take you up towards the elevator until you stopped him in his tracks.

“No Juyeon~ why are you leaving me so early? We still have so much more to see in the market!” 

He smiled. “Y/N, I think it’s time for you to head home to get some rest.” 

“But I don’t wanna~” 

With that, Juyeon grabbed hold of both your shoulders as he bent down to be on the same eye level as you, trying his best to talk to you in your drunken stage. 

“Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow, hmm? We’ve had loads of fun today, and besides, your mom and sister would be worried sick about you at this late hour.” 

Immediately, you lifted your pinky at him, which caused the male to stare at you blankly. “Pinky promise that I get to see you tomorrow, Juyeon-ie?” 

Oh, how insanely adorable you were to Juyeon right now. 

He chuckled before linking his pinky with yours, shaking it left and right slightly as if to seal the agreement. “I promise, we’ll see each other in the office first thing tomorrow morning.”

With the final pinky shake, Juyeon guided you towards the elevator and pressed the button. As you both waited for the elevator to come down to the ground floor, you suddenly broke off the silence, and Juyeon had to blink twice to know he wasn’t hearing things wrong. 

“I’ve always liked you Juyeon…even after all these years…I never stopped loving you…” you sobbed. 

Your nose was now sniffling, and you closed your eyes to let the tears drip down, not caring what Juyeon would think about all this. You were done trying to hold it back for so long, and you needed to let the burden that you’ve held onto for years finally let loose, and well, you were drunk at this point, so you couldn’t really control the words that slipped out from your mouth. 

“Why did you leave me just like that…did you know how much pain it has caused…and how hard I’ve tried to forget every single thing about you? I even threw away all of the pictures and toys we’d had together because the flashbacks of memories would often play in my mind upon seeing them,” you were now crying, and you began to raise your voice a little. 

“Why, Juyeon, WHY!!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, and immediately you burst out crying, plopping straight down onto the concrete floor. You hated how the alcohol wasn’t making you think straight and that you were feeling a roller coaster of emotions right now. 

Just let it out, Y/N. You’ve suffered long enough—

Immediately, a warm pair of arms wrapped around you, and a hand gently pushed your head down to let you rest on the crook of their neck. You finally glanced up to see that it was Juyeon, holding you tight and resting his chin on the top of your head. 

As much as you want to push yourself away from him, you can’t. You couldn’t explain why, and you have even made a pact to yourself that you wouldn’t want anything associated with him anymore. 

But why did the saying the heart wants what it wants have to be so accurate? 

You hated it, hated how you have always let your emotions take full control over your mind, not making you think straight, and often going against your plans. In fact, your heart ached so badly, and it was the same feeling that you felt seven years ago, right when Juyeon left you alone as he hopped onto his vehicle. 

The only thing you could do right now was to let the stream of tears pour down and cry out to your heart’s content. You felt weak, and you could do nothing to push him away. 

Juyeon couldn’t blame you, though, because how could he? Especially when he was the one who said nothing all those years ago. Now, he was seeing with his own eyes how much pain and trouble it has cost you, turning you into a vulnerable little petite girl who was crying her heart out in his arms. 

With that, he moved his lips down to plant a little kiss on your head and eventually closed his eyes as your cries filled up his eyedrums. 

“I’ll make it work, Y/N. I promise you that I’ll make things work this time.”

“Oh, good fucking hell.” 

You were sitting on your work desk, bringing your hands to cover up your face. It was an absolute nightmare to hear from your sister about what happened the night before—how you got drunk and caused a little scene in public, which made everyone turn their attention towards you, how Juyeon was the one who brought you all the way back home, how you had a breakdown in front of him to the point you eventually fell asleep after crying your eyes out to the point he had to physically gave you a piggyback up to your front door and assisted your sister to plop you down on your bed. 

If there was a nearby cliff near your workplace, you would do anything to ditch work and actually head straight up there to jump off from the embarrassment. 

You were already not having a good time reuniting with Juyeon, let alone trying to sort your emotions out while seeing him at work every day and that he was your boss. But to confess your deepest thoughts while being vulnerable and drunk in front of him? That was not written anywhere in your books. 

As you were spending your entire lunch break groaning over what happened last night, you immediately received a call from your desk telephone, and you quickly composed yourself before picking the phone up. 

“Y-Yes, hello? This is L/N from the editorial department; how may I assist you for the day?”

“Good afternoon, Miss L/N. Please report to the CEO’s office immediately whenever you can.” 

Oh, Jesus take the wheel. 

The entire walk up to the CEO’s office was nerve-wracking; it was as if you were being sent to detention at the principal’s office because you messed up really badly. So many thoughts ran through your mind, thinking about how to apologise to Juyeon for the scene you had caused the day prior.

Once you walked into his office, you tried your best to devise the best phrase to start the conversation, but it seemed that Juyeon beat you to it, immediately handing you a red ginseng hangover drink. 

You reluctantly accepted it while mumbling a soft ‘thank you’ before he insisted that you drink it immediately before him. Once you were done, he took the bottle away and tossed it straight into the bin, directly briefing you about the upcoming fashion show, now only a month away. 

Now that it was back to business and you were no longer childhood friends, you tried your best to keep your composure as you listened to all of the details he was going through one by one with you. 

Eventually, he decided to bring you along to meet up with one of the CEOs of the high-end brands on a trip to Seoul to discuss the plan in person further. Apparently, you have met with the CEO of Fendi, and it’s one of the brands that have been associated with GQ Korea for decades now. Somehow, Juyeon has gotten pretty close with the famous man himself over the years.

All of you met up in the famous Four Seasons Hotel for a pretty luxurious high-tea session while discussing the whole fashion show. It was mostly just Juyeon conversing with the CEO himself; you were mainly there to take down all the essential notes that both parties spoke.

Usually, it would have been his personal assistant job, but he insisted that you come along this time, saying it was part of your training. To be completely honest, you weren’t sure if Juyeon was the one mixing up between work and personal life issues at this point. All you wanted to do was to pray that this meeting gets over and done with quickly so that you could head back towards the comforts of your cubicle in the office and not face Juyeon for a while.

After an hour or so, it seemed as if the meeting was wrapped, and both parties finally parted ways for now, causing you to head straight back to Juyeon’s vehicle. Many people would think most CEOs would have their chauffeur, but Juyeon insisted that he always preferred to drive alone. 

He was still the chatterbox that you have always remembered back in the day, how we would often come up with any possible topic that would keep you entertained; you both could talk for days back then only if both of your families didn’t stop you from heading back home for meal time. 

There was only one problem this time: you were still troubled by what had happened the day before, and it was hard enough to even join Juyeon for this meeting with the CEO of Fendi in the first place. Now that both of you were alone in the car, things were far more awkward than they already were. Juyeon never touched on the topic from last night, but still, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him in the face. 

Just when you thought Juyeon was about to take the left turn to head back towards the office, he took the other lane instead and drove towards the opposite direction.

“Juyeon, the office is the other way—”

“Let’s go somewhere, Y/N. Treat this as a little gift of stepping out of office hours for a bit. You’ll still get paid, though; don’t worry. I’ll make sure to inform your head department about your absence.” 

What on earth is going through your mind, Juyeon?

It has been a few minutes since you have physically pressed yourself against the tank, slowly admiring various species swimming about minding their own business. 

Apparently, you both have arrived at the COEX Aquarium, known for homing a large variety of rare species of aquatic animals and typically the best place for school trips, holidays, and even as a date.

Wait, scratch that last one—

“Didn’t you always say how coming here has been on your bucket list for the longest time?” Juyeon questioned you as he slowly walked up towards where you were from behind, slipping both of his hands into his cloak as he, too, began admiring the beauty in front of him. 

That was when you finally diverted your attention to his face for the first time since hopping into his car this morning to head to the hotel. You were upset at yourself with how the feelings were the same as before: his pretty sculpted facial features, how good-looking he actually was, and how he could do the bare minimum, yet you would still swoon over the man himself. 

With all that has happened lately, something told you this was more than friend behaviour. Sure, Juyeon might be trying his best to patch up this whole relationship you once had, taking you to places and recreating new memories with one another, but you weren’t sure if Juyeon felt the same way as you did. 

That deep feeling within the pit of your stomach made you feel uncomfortable, and it was about time you finally confronted him about the one question that had pondered at the back of your mind for the longest time. 

If both of you wanted to continue whatever was happening between you, you needed to get the specific answer first. 

And it has to be now. 

“Juyeon, can I ask you something?” 

He hummed. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

With that, you turned your entire body facing him and took a deep breath to figure out the right words to convey your feelings for the man himself. “I meant what I said the night before.” 

That alone was enough to get his full attention, as he was now slowly turning himself fully towards you as if he was staring straight into your soul. You wanted to chicken out so badly and tell him it was nothing, and you both could just continue with the silence. But you have already come so far, and you know that this will only continue to haunt you for as long as you live if you aren’t going to address it now. 

So you mustered up every bit of courage left within you, and opened your mouth again. 

“I never stopped loving you, Juyeon. Even though we have lost contact for so many years, I never once stop thinking about you every single day. As much as I’ve tried so hard to forget about you, hell, I threw everything that reminded me of you into the dumpster or boxes and kept them deep somewhere where I wouldn’t even think about searching for it ever again, but to no avail.” 

Your body began to tremble as you tried to calm yourself down by playing with your fingers. “I couldn’t, Juyeon. Every time I thought I have succeeded in getting rid of you from my life for good, the thought of you just somehow finds its way to creep back up in my mind.” 

“I have no idea if karma sent me back here to Seoul, especially when my career was doing well in London. Imagine coming back and discovering that my new employer is someone I’ve tried so hard to forget about? The mixed emotions I felt then were insufferable.” 

As you began to speak more, tears started welling up in your eyes, causing your heartbeat to rise rapidly. But you decided to press on and choke back on your tears. 

“With all that you have done for me for the past weeks and months, I truly have no idea what on earth you are trying to prove to me, Lee Juyeon. Are you trying to fix our broken friendship? Or is it something more? What exactly are you even planning to do, Juyeon?” 

Finally, you took a few steps closer until you were inches away from him. 

“Be honest with me now, Juyeon. What exactly am I to you?” 

There was this tense moment between you two, and neither of you said a word to one another. You were looking straight at your childhood friend with red, puffy eyes, and his eyes were widened, looking at you and trying his best to take in everything you’d said. 

Something tells you that it was best not to hear about Juyeon’s opinions at all for the fear of rejection once more. If you had the power to dissect his mind to determine his thoughts and feelings about all of this, you would. Yet, you were still afraid of what might happen next. 

As you wait for his response, you slowly examine how his shoulders began to slump, and eventually he tries his best to talk some sense into you. 

“Y/N, I—”

“Ah! It’s Juyeon-ie!” 

The both of you immediately darted your head towards where the voice was coming from, and that was when you noticed a female running towards Juyeon while waving her hands, and a rather old man accompanied her. 

Who could it be? 

“Saeran? And Uncle Lee? What are you two doing here?” Juyeon questioned as the two individuals made their way towards you. It was also then they both noticed your presence and the soft-spoken young lady was the one who broke the ice. 

“You must be?” 

“O-Oh, I umm—”

“She’s Y/N; she used to be my neighbour back in the days when I was still living in Seoul.” 

Just a neighbour, huh? 

“Ah, Y/N!” The young female extended her hand for a little handshake, in which you awkwardly return the favour. “It’s a pleasure to meet you in person finally! Juyeon has spoken a lot about you.” 

Before you could even give a reply, it seemed that the older man whom you now know was his uncle, or rather, perceived that he was the one who managed to help Juyeon get a new start in life back here in Seoul, finally spoke and diverted Juyeon’s attention back to what they were here for in the first place. 

“We had made a little appointment this afternoon, don’t you remember, Juyeon?”

“Oh, yes! I’m so sorry. It must’ve completely slipped my mind since I have been pretty caught up with work lately,” Juyeon apologised while slightly bowing towards his uncle. 

“Not at all, Juyeon. I’m sure you must’ve been pretty busy with-” his uncle then diverts his attention towards you. “-a lot of things.” 

You definitely felt way too uncomfortable at the moment, and you needed to get out of the aquarium right this second if you did not wish to be suffocated by all of the tension in the air. 

Immediately, you gently removed your hands from the young female and quickly made a ninety-degree bow towards all of them.

“My humble apologies, it seems that I have disrupted an important meeting. I shall take my leave now.” 

As soon as you turned your heel towards the other direction, you suddenly felt a pair of hands grab your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. 

“Y/N! Wait, I’ll drive you back—”

“No, it’s fine,” you tried your best to smile at him. “I’ll just take the train located right outside the aquarium. Have a good day.” 

You instantly slip your hands off his grip and dash straight towards the front door, trying your best not to look back and ignore the tears dripping down your face as you walk down the steps towards the subway.

It was now week two of cutting off all contact with Juyeon. It hadn’t been easy for you both at work and personally. In fact, you haven’t been doing great at all. It was as if you had turned into a living zombie, often feeling rather emotionless and drowning yourself in paperwork and avoiding contact with another except for your head of department. 

Since Juyeon was still your employer and CEO, he has definitely tried all means of contacting you, asking to see if you were doing okay or trying to get you up to his office to talk about the fashion show, or rather, to talk things out. But every single time, you would find ways to decline his request as best as possible while respecting him as your boss first and foremost. 

After a week of declining his invitations, his messages and calls eventually stopped coming a week ago; it was as if he had completely vanished for a little while. From what you have heard, it seemed that he had some urgent matters that he had to deal with, causing him to leave the office into the hands of his assistant for now.

It was finally a little breather for you since you didn’t have to put on this facade for the time being, letting you let loose for a bit. Going through sleepless nights throughout the past couple of weeks definitely has taken a toll on your mental well-being. 

You told yourself you needed to hold it all in for another week. Once this whole fashion show is done, you will get your well-deserved vacation off work for one week. 

It’ll be alright. Things will definitely work out in one way or another, Y/N.

It was finally the day for the long-awaited fashion show hosted by GQ Korea and the collaboration among famous brands around the globe. A swarm of people marched into the rented convention hall, filling the entire space within minutes.

You and your co-workers were busy getting everything organised and ensuring everything was in place. Since you were in the editorial department, you have been going about talking to all of the big figureheads from each respective brand, mostly just breaking the ice as well as interviewing them so that you have your necessary notes to draft out the proposal for the upcoming magazine. 

Time passed quickly and it was time for the show to begin. As you sat down on one of the chairs, you made your way towards the far end corners of the hall, getting ready your notepad and trusty blue ballpoint pen. 

As the light began to dim, Juyeon eventually made his way up on stage with a microphone, giving the guests a warm welcome and a little opening speech before the models began their runway walk. Seeing the man himself again was a bittersweet moment for you. As much as you wanted nothing more associated with him, your eyes just couldn’t seem to turn away from him.

It did not help that he was dressed up in a black tuxedo, with his hair styled up with his usual one strand on his forehead. He looked strikingly handsome, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to woo almost everyone in the audience tonight. The way he presented himself was truly magnificent, and you could see why he was able to rise to the ranks of being a CEO at such a young age. 

Tears began welling up in your eyes again, but you tried your very best to hold them back and mentally cursed at yourself, thinking that this was all professional work now and that there was no room for any personal matters for the night. 

Once he made his desired speech, he eventually came down from the stage and sat at one of the front row seats, and that was where you could clearly see that the very same girl from the aquarium sat right next to him, along with his uncle and personal assistant. It shouldn’t bother you since they are practically family to him. It was none of your business, so why couldn’t you take your eyes off them?

Or rather, with him and the young lady who was clearly having fun whispering into each other’s ears. 

It has nothing to do with me. 

You constantly reminded yourself that whenever you tried to spare a glance at them, all while you were taking down notes from the show. It was definitely a challenge trying to stay focused, and there were a couple of times when you needed to close your eyes for a bit and take a few deep breaths to proceed with your work. 

The show finished smoothly, and the audience responded with a standing ovation. You definitely felt a sense of accomplishment from that, too, given that all of your hard work over the past months had finally paid off. 

The event wouldn’t have been complete without an after-party, so here you were in the hall next door—with all of the guests, models, and even staff alike having loads of fun chatting about with a glass of champagne in hand. Eventually, the DJ that was hired began to blast out a wide selection of music, indicating that whoever felt comfortable hitting up the dance floor was able to do so. 

You smiled as you saw a couple of your close co-workers pull up some moves on the dance floor; it reminded you of loads of your time back in the UK—going to the local pubs and just having the time of your life drinking and partying with your friends. 

Just as you were lost in thought, you suddenly felt a little tap on your shoulder, and you turned around to see that Juyeon’s assistant insisted that someone wanted to see you in person. 

You didn’t think much of it since you already had a little bit of alcohol in your system, so when you finally realised who was the one who wanted to see you, panic began to rush through your veins, and you tried your best to make sense of the situation. 

“Mr Lee? Is something the matter?”

You did not need to see the older male again, especially when he gave you a not-so-good first impression back at the aquarium. However, you had no reason to devise an excuse to leave; he was much superior to you anyway. 

“Why, good evening, Miss L/N. I hope you are enjoying the party so far, and congratulations on the job well done. I must say Juyeon always excels in his work, no matter what obstacles he encounters along the way.” 

The only thing you could do was flash a little smile back at him, as much as it made you uncomfortable. In the back of your mind, you have dozens of questions running through your mind, thinking about in what manner his uncle has any business with you. 

Eventually, he began speaking as if he was chanting through a book, giving you a whole load of information that was a little bit too much to take in at the moment. 

“It seems that Seoul life has been too tedious for you, don’t you think? Have you ever wondered about transferring back to London? Perhaps it would be a much better place for you to reside in.” 

“Umm, with all due respect, sir, how did you know about my background—”

“Oh, I have always kept an eye on you; you were Juyeon’s childhood friend, after all.” 

Keyword. “Were” 

“With that being said, I have read a couple of your articles before from the London Mail, and I must say, they are actually quite extraordinary.” 

“W-Why, t-thank you, Mr Lee. I really do appreciate them—”

“Speaking of transferring, the CEO for Fendi has actually taken quite a liking to you and your work. Even throughout the whole fashion show back there, he has been talking on and on about you, saying how you would prove to be a fruitful addition to his company.”

Just like that, Mr Lee began to step forward to hand you a little sticky note, which clearly had a number written on it. 

“If you ever change your mind, give me a call. Besides, I’m sure you already know the answer deep within your heart. I will be waiting,” Mr Lee responded with a smug before entering back into the hall. 

You stared back down at the note and eventually began thinking about what his uncle said prior. Suddenly, you started feeling conflicted, thinking this was the right place to belong. But it could also be his way of trying to brainwash you; you’re pretty sure you felt like a menace in his eyes. 

You decided you needed some fresh air to clear your thoughts for a bit, so you headed out towards the balcony right up the stairs. You figured that an open-air rooftop seemed perfect for some alone time. 

If only you were the only one who was planning to use the same exact spot that is.

Right when you reached the door that was ajar on the rooftop, you immediately recognised the two people standing before you, the female leaning in to give your childhood friend a peck on the lips.

You stand there motionless, and immediately, your blood starts to boil, something you haven’t felt in a while. The glass of champagne then drops towards the ground, and the shattered noises make the two turn their attention towards you. 

It all felt like a sudden pause like time had stopped for a few moments. The both of you were staring deep into each other’s eyes, not knowing what to do or how to respond. But then, Juyeon eventually spoke to break the silence. 

Before you could ever hear what he had to say, you were already dashing down the stairs, not caring that you had missed a couple of steps and that there were a few instances where you felt like you were about to trip and fall straight down back where you came from. 

Not even wanting to let your co-workers know about anything, you quickly dashed through the front gates, running through the now gloomy skies that were bound to have a heavy downpour within a few minutes. 

You should’ve remembered that Juyeon was the basketball team leader back in high school for a reason; no matter how fast you ran through the streets, he eventually caught you and yanked you back towards him, causing you to press up against his chest. 

“Let me go! Let me go—”

“Y/N! Please! Let us just talk things out.” 

You used up all of your strength and pushed him away as hard as you could before you began raising your voice back at him. “Talk? Don’t be ridiculous. You have done more than enough, and I have seen enough.” 

“Y/N, no. You don’t understand—”

“What else do I have to understand!?!? You have done more than enough to shatter me over and over again, Juyeon! And to think I was dumb enough actually to think we could work things out again!” You screamed. 

“Y/N…please…just calm down and listen to what I have to say…” Juyeon was now practically begging you, begging you just to stop. 

“You clearly don’t understand the pain that I’ve gone through, Juyeon. You weren’t there to witness or experience it anyway! Why did we even become friends in the first place, huh!?!?” 

God, cat’s out of the bag. 

That last sentence was definitely not meant to be said at all; it was one of your deepest, darkest thoughts that you have sworn that nobody should ever find out about, especially when it is directed towards the person who stood before you.

“I hate you, Juyeon…I really do…for all of the pain that you have caused me…” you were now sobbing like a child, which pained Juyeon so much seeing how you were now. 

With that, a loud thunder resonated throughout the city, and a heavy downpour began pouring down from the skies. The both of you were now soaked, and you mustered up the courage to say your final words to him as the tears began mixing with the rain. 

“Please…I beg of you…just stop looking for me…or even talk to me at all…just leave me alone…that’s the last thing I will ask of you…” 

“I don’t want anything to do with you no more.” 

You slowly began backing away, and when you reached a good amount of distance, you turned your heel and began running away into the shadows, not sparing a final glance at your childhood friend who stood at the same spot under the pouring rain. 

This is my final goodbye, Juyeon.

If you thought the whole week of you being a walking zombie in the office was terrible enough, clearly, nobody was prepared for the current state that you were in. You locked yourself up in your room and refused to see anybody, even your mother and sister. 

You would constantly lay in bed, tossing and turning, even though it was hard to fall asleep. Since you avoided contact with your family members, there was nothing much they could do but place a tray filled with your meals and dishes in front of your door, waiting for you to eventually open up during times when you actually felt hungry and took them into your room to savour them all on your own. 

You didn’t need anyone or anything now; you craved alone time and peace. 

As you curl up in bed, sometimes even at the corners of your room, your eyes would often dart towards the sticky note handed to you by his uncle. So many times you have thought about it: what if life would’ve been better abroad and coming back to Seoul was truly a grave mistake that you have made? What if this whole decision was actually an awakening moment for you to realise that this is not where you should belong? 

Days went back and eventually, it became a week. There were only a few days left before you returned to the office for work. The longer you kept staring at the note, the more motivated you were to take the risk and start again. 

Every time you were reminded of what happened that very fateful night, you rationalised that maybe what Mr Lee said was true after all. Perhaps Seoul is really not your place to belong. 

As the clock ticked, your desire to leave everything behind felt stronger. 

You waited until the clock finally struck noon for you to finally stand up with your phone in hand, punching each number into the dial pad and bringing it to your ear. 

Once the ringing eventually got through and you were met with a voice on the other end of the line, you took a deep breath before muttering the words you have been reluctant about all this while. 

“I’ll take up the offer.”

“For the very last time sissy, I promise I will be fine,” you spoke through your headphones as you were on a video call with your sister, who was back home at your apartment. 

“You have never done something so impulsive before, and given that you made this whole decision during your darkest hours? I highly doubt that you’re okay, Miss Y/N.” 

“Well, I can assure you that the darkest hours are gone, and I’m now free and much happier. I can work with Fendi!” 

Your sister sighed through the phone. “Working with big brands is one thing; what about your physical and mental well-being?” 

“Rome doesn’t sound too bad to me, and besides, living in the UK for a couple of years has definitely given me the experience I’ve needed to survive back in the EU again.” 

“Fine. Just…be careful, okay? Give mom and I a call once you’ve touched down.” 

You gave a little flying kiss through the phone. “Don’t worry, I will.” 

After waving goodbye on both sides, you clicked the red end call button and leaned back onto the chair you had been sitting on for the past hour. It was definitely a shocker to you that Fendi was willing to accept you immediately without having to go through any sort of significant interviews and that they were kind enough to even provide accommodations for you. At the same time, you work for them under a contract of two years. Frankly, it was a good deal and a steal. 

You slowly stare into the digital clock on the big screen, which eventually becomes an announcement. 

“All passengers bound for Rome, Italy, please head to gate 4B and be ready for boarding!” 

Instantly, almost all of the people around you began standing and lining up as if they needed to be the first to get on board. You have always disliked and never understood why the rush and pushing against one another trying to fight for the first slot, so you often just sat back and relaxed until only a couple of folks left to board the plane. 

Time went by quickly, and thirty minutes have passed since then. Now, only a handful of passengers are left to board. That was when it was your cue to get up and sling your backpack onto your back. 

As you slowly walked towards the counter to let the flight attendants scan your passport and let you through the gates, you felt a sudden tap on your shoulders, causing you to turn behind to see who it was. 

You didn’t have much time to respond until you were pulled in for a tight embrace; that familiar cologne was enough to make the tears well up in your eyes again.

“J-Juyeon…” your voice muffled. 

“Stop. Let me just…let me do the talking this time. Please.” 

You would have definitely fought back and started pushing him away once more, but it seems that you were either too taken aback or lost all of the energy throughout the past week to do so. Instead, you just stood there motionless in his arms. 

“Y/N, I know it would be horrible for me to ask for forgiveness because I definitely do not deserve any of that after what I have put you through. Or even for another chance because you clearly gave me one, and it was my fault for not appreciating nor cherishing the moment when it happened,” he began stroking your head, his fingers running through your long, silky, soft hair. 

“But one thing is for sure: I will not let you go this time. This time, I am going to hold you so tight that there’s no room for you to escape; I’ll make sure that you will forever be safe and sound in my arms, and I will be the one who is going to bring you joy instead of pain and tears.” 

He then bends down to give you a little kiss on your forehead. “You mean a lot to me, Y/N. And I’d like to think you are more than just a friend; you’re my other half. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to move on, knowing that I will lose you again, and this time, forever, if I don’t stop you now.” 

“So please, Y/N. I’m begging you. Please don’t go.” 

With his final words, you eventually find your arms slowly snaking up his back and returning the hug to him. You weren’t too sure why you did that, especially after the tremendous pain you have gone through the past week in particular. At the end of the day, the phrase where the heart wants what it wants will forever remain faithful to you, whether you like it or not. 

You sobbed. “You’re not going to make me stay that easily.”

“Oh yeah? You think I’m not capable of doing that?”

“Prove it then.” 

Instantly, one of his hands travelled back up to your chin and lifted them, causing you to look directly towards his as he slowly bent down to interlock his lips with yours. The kiss was rather heated, as if the both of you had been waiting for this to come so badly. You couldn’t care less if you both were actually making out at the airport.

Juyeon cupped your face with both hands as he tilted his head for you to gain more entrance into his. His lips felt soft yet demanding as if you were devouring a forbidden fruit. In return, you run your fingers through his silky black hair. 

After a few minutes, you both broke apart for some fresh air, trying your best to catch your breath simultaneously. 

“Is that supposed to make me stay put in Seoul, Juyeon?” You teased. 

With that, he merely replied with a little smile followed by a smirk. “That, Miss Y/N, was actually a pact you made to me. Treat it as a contract, if you will, that you are bound to stay by my side no matter what.” 

“Ugh, that’s so foul of you!” 

“You should know that I have my ways; I’m not the CEO of GQ Korea for nothing.” 

The both of you eventually burst out into laughter while Juyeon finds both hands on your waist while you wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

“Listen, Y/N. I want to apologise on behalf of my uncle and Saeran.” 

“Oh, yeah. No big deal. By the way, is Saeran—”

“It’s not what you think it is.” 

“It’s not?”

He smiled. “She’s my little cousin, and she often showers me with tons of hugs and kisses, even though I’ve told her to stop a million times.” 

“Well, you’re lucky to have a cousin who loves you that much,” you replied. 

“Yeah, but she’s going to have to learn that she can’t do that anymore because someone else is going to replace her job for that.” 

As much as you knew who he referred to, you still wanted to drag this further. “And who exactly is that?” 

“Hmm…maybe the contract before wasn’t clear enough. Should I make another one?”

You slapped his chest immediately. “Don’t you dare, we’re in public.” 

Again, another burst of laughter was genuinely beginning to make you feel a lot better, even to the point of slowly healing all the scars you have had before. 

With that, you needed to make yourself clear to the man himself. 

“Juyeon, can I just be honest with you?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

“I appreciate you doing all of this for me, but I just want to give you a heads-up that it’ll take a while for me to heal from everything completely and that I’m sorry if I don’t give you the exact treatment that you expect from me, and I—”

You were then silenced with another kiss on the lips; this time, Juyeon took the time to shower you with as many kisses as possible, making sure that each was worthwhile before breaking the kiss again. 

“Y/N, I don’t care about all of that. You can take as long as you need, but just know that I will be here for each step you take, and I’ll give you support whenever you need it. I promise. I will not leave you behind ever again.” 

As you both plastered a soft smile, you leaned in to rest your forehead against each other, taking in everything that had happened minutes prior.

“Here’s to a new beginning with you.”

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @daisyvisions (join my permanent taglist here!)

[brekwrites]

Moon’s deterioration as depicted in the thumbnails

So, I don’t claim to know what’s going on in the current SAMS arc bc I truly have no idea, but I have seen some people mention some of the glitch effects and how Moon has gradually acquired a purple glow and thought it was interesting. So I went back through the thumbnails and noticed some stuff that I’m gonna dump under the cut. Fair warning, this is long.

So, starting all the way back with the ep where Dark Sun gives Moon an ominous hint and then fucks off:

Dark Sun drops this info, which he already knew and could have revealed at any time, and keeps it purposely vague so there’s still some confusion and no immediate action taken. Then he gets in his purple portal and fucks off.

The delay in him giving the information and purposeful vagueness almost make it seem like he’s stalling for time so Ruin can complete his plan, but we know he’s not actually working with Ruin because they don’t interact until later, and even then he’s using Ruin against his will as a pawn more than anything else. If he’s not working with Ruin, he must still have something to gain from his plan working; either the death of the creators, the death of Solar, or both.

After this, Ruin’s true nature is revealed and yadda yadda:

These are both action packed thumbnails with big shocking reveals, and I want to use them to illustrate a point. Despite the fact that there’s lots of stuff happening visually, there’s a difference between these thumbnails and this one:

The thumbnail for the episode with Solar’s death has a big heart monitor/heartbeat symbol. Also, Solar is glowing a slight purple color as he fades away (and missing two fingers). I’m not entirely sure if either of those facts are significant, but I do think the heartbeat symbol is.

After Solar’s death, the next big plot points are:

Dark Sun planting the idea that Moon’s proposed way won’t bring Solar back, but there’s another way that will, and then telling Eclipse that method and jamming a chip in his head to 1) slow him down and keep him from bringing Solar back too quickly, and 2) keep Moon from being able to sacrifice him for the equivalent exchange method.

So, Dark Sun just planted the idea of bringing Solar back, while also ensuring it only happens when and how he wants it to. Considering he also took measures to make sure the events leading to Solar’s death occurred in the first place, this is interesting.

While this is happening:

Moon talks to his old self, which punches him right in the insecurities and kickstarts his obsession with keeping his family happy. It also gives him a connection to Old Moon that he didn’t have before, which becomes more of a thing later.

While Moon is doing this:

Molten steals Ruin, so when Moon wakes up he realizes he’s lost the resource he was using to research ways to bring Solar back. On top of that, he finally realizes what exactly bringing Solar back will entail—a sacrifice. And he’s just lost the most morally justifiable person he could’ve sacrificed. So he loses it.

In this episode, Moon breaks down bc he’s been pushing himself to bring Solar back. He misses him and just wants to see his family happy and whole again. He’s also upset about the fact that he’d have to kill someone to get Solar back because he DOESN’T want to do that.

When Eclipse wanted to kill Ruin after finding out he’d build him, Moon told him no and specifically said who are we to decide who lives and dies. This was right after Solar’s death, and he still didn’t want to kill him. Now, he has a logical reason to do so and is STILL incredibly conflicted about it. He’s crying and breaking down like he knows he’s already lost Solar for good because he lost Ruin, who is one of his only options for bringing him back. (Also, it's possible that he knows deep down that he wouldn't be able to bring himself to sacrifice him even if he was there, or that his family wouldn't want it.) After this breakdown...

Moon has the hallucination/waking dream where he sees what could have happened if Solar survived, which is the beginning of the end for him. After this, he struggles to figure out what's real and takes a turn for the worse. And here, in the first (lore) episode Solar has been in since his death, we see the little heartbeat symbol again.

Meanwhile, Dark Sun rescues Ruin, sticks a chip in his head, and sends him back knowing that Moon won't be able to use him to bring back Solar. (Also, Ruin is glowing and flaking like Solar was, but his glow is teal. Teal seems to represent star power, possibly, because it's often there when Lunar uses it and it's present in the thumbnail of the later episode where Moon uses it. Not sure if this is relevant tho or if it was just a fun design choice here.)

Moon is starting to lose it, decides he'll do what he has to do to keep his family happy regardless of whether they actually want it and even if it makes them hate him. This is also the first time we start to see the glitchy imagery used in the background.

Importantly, this is when his actions start to contrast his earlier feelings. He decides to bring Solar back by any means possible and to sacrifice Ruin, which he specifically did not want to do before.

After he makes this decision and realizes Ruin is back, he goes to recapture him, initially with the intent to use him as a sacrifice. When he finds out he can't, he's livid. This is the first time we've seen him act on the violent impulses he's had, and it's also the first time we see the eye on the darker half of his face hidden.

After that, Moon starts to gradually get... purpler. Here, he's surrounded by it, but not really purple himself, and both eyes are normal as he keeps up the facade around his family.

But Eclipse gets a glimpse of what's actually happening when he goes to get evidence for Earth. Moon threatens him, and he reveals the Dark Sun did something to him, too, so he also can't be used as a sacrifice. This is when Moon sets his sights on Bloodmoon. Even more glitch imagery and purple shading that's starting to creep across his body, little red corruption lines on his face, and once again his left eye is obscured.

Once Sun realizes just how bad things have gotten, he starts to plan against Moon. Here, Moon is fully shaded purple and both eyes are obscured. (Maybe possibly because this is technically Sun's mental image of him, and Sun isn't entirely sure what he's dealing with yet and doesn't know what Moon is thinking?).

Then, in the episode where Moon sees Old Moon, he's finally glowing. As Old Moon grabs him, the eye on the lighter side of his face glitches. Also, we see the return of the little heartbeat symbols because this is the first episode where Moon sees the hallucination of Solar, even though he's not in the thumbnail. This picture is also good for contrasting Moon's typical color pallet with his purple-hued one.

Moon resists the advice of his conscience and goes to harass Eclipse. He breaks his fingers (noticeably the same ones Solar was missing), which is arguably the cruelest thing he's done yet (considering he choked Ruin, who murdered his friend, but he ripped off Eclipse's fingers when this version hasn't done anyone any bodily harm and was helping Earth). He's still glowing purple, and his shadow shows TWO red eyelights.

Once Sun captures him, their conversation is at least somewhat civil, even if it's not great. Moon is still glowing here, and we see one red eyelight on the dark side of his face, but his light eye is normal. This is also another episode where his conscience argues against him in the form of Solar, and he struggles to rationalize what he's doing.

After escaping and fully committing to being the villain, he's glowing an even darker purple and both eyes are glowing red.

When he tries to kill Bloodmoon, he's still glowing purple, and his eyes are still glowing red. This is also where he realizes he doesn't care if he hurts Earth (hence no normal eye on his lighter side). He admits that he was bluffing a bit before when he said it, but not anymore.

Finally, Dark Sun convinces Moon to go with him. He's still glowing purple here and one eye is glowing red, but the eye on the light side of his face is normal. This makes sense, because we see him fighting with himself over what he did in the beginning of this ep. He allows Dark Sun to remove the chip and even suggests for a moment that they could be brothers, which I feel speaks to how much he does want his family deep down, even if he says he doesn't.

While we can't say for certain that the removed chip was Old Moon, I think it's a reasonable theory considering they've started talking about the chip in relation to Old Moon and how Monty said he'd need to make a replacement chip, which Dark Sun also mentions. Once the chip is gone, Moon feels free of his inhibitions, which would make sense if Old Moon was trying to stop him and fits the eye imagery. Finally, I think it's interesting how Dark Sun is glowing yellow in this thumbnail and how he's been depicted with red irises on white sclera, while the corrupted half of Moon's face is depicted as red irises on presumably black sclera. Parallels, and all that.

So, yeah, I think it's a good bet that whatever is going on with Moon was Dark Sun's goal all along, although idk for what purpose. Also, I'm not sure if he did anything to Moon, either by giving him a virus/program or by triggering some of his hallucinations, or if it was the situation itself (which he engineered, but not completely) that caused Moon to snap without any direct interference. Either way, I think that Moon is being taken over by 'the Purple,' and that whatever it is, it's beneficial to Dark Sun's plans.

Finally, one last thing I noticed is that the Purple is not just Moon indulging in his more destructive tendencies alone, because he looks perfectly normal during the rage room episode.

So I do think that this is likely something more than just Moon himself falling off the deep end. That definitely doesn't excuse his actions, but it does suggest that there might be something more going on and he might not be fully in control of himself.

[lu-dao-writes]

— 𝐖𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 (𝙑𝙚𝙧𝙚 & 𝙆𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙨)

𝙎𝙮𝙣𝙤𝙥𝙨𝙞𝙨 You couldn’t predict this.

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) Horror, blood and violence, gore, unrequited love, stalking, murder, paranoia, nightmares, hallucinations, manipulation, gaslighting, mentions of sleep deprivation and insomnia, implied/referenced to self harming, choking, organ stealing, spiteful behavior, slight details of broken body, mentions of entrails.

𝘼/𝙉 I originally planned for this to be a oneshot, but I started disliking it when it started typing what I wrote. So I decided to format it this way! Maybe you’ll get the full fic one day!

I saw a picture on tumblr of a slightly scary looking Vere with sharp teeth and it got me thinking! Plus I wanted to try and practice some horror! This isn’t necessarily yandere but you can think that if you want! This is more of Vere being spiteful because he wasn’t picked. If it was anyone other than Kuras, he probably wouldn’t do this (in my mind anyways). Please heed the warnings y’all.

— Jealous!Vere who has feelings for you but he’s not one to be super open about how he feels.

— Jealous!Vere who only gives you nuggets of his feelings, you think he’s just being Vere, a flirt, but he thinks he’s being obvious when he’s flirting with you.

— Jealous!Vere who found out you’re dating that fucking doctor when he saw you both sharing a kiss under the moon in a lonely alleyway.

— Jealous!Vere who’s beyond hurt and angry he starts treating you like how he did before. Sharp remarks coated with sugary playfulness, gaslighting you whenever you try to ask about his sudden change of behavior.

— Jealous!Vere who starts poisoning your mind. He starts stalking you and you believe it’s people from the Senobium. It’s all too perfect and once you’re paranoid enough, he starts tormenting your dreams, turning them into haunting nightmares.

— Jealous!Vere who feigns concern when he hears from Ais that you’re rapidly deteriorating, only able to sleep for short periods at a time.

— Jealous!Vere who starts making you feel like you’re hallucinating when it’s just his shadows.

— Jealous!Vere who caught you self harming in the alley when you excused yourself from the group suddenly. He was beyond amused, having caught you doing something like that and knowing Kuras has no idea about your new habit either.

— Jealous!Vere who scares and confuses you as he just stares at you, blood dripping from your cursed arm. Did his teeth just change? Were they suddenly razor sharp when he licked the wine from his lips.

“Better bandage that. Who knows what you’ll attract~.”

— Jealous!Vere who didn’t tell a soul what he witnessed.

— Jealous!Vere who waits for you to come crawling to him for answers and instead of answering you, he tempts you with a “cure”.

— Jealous!Vere who refrains for grinning as you readily accept his help, and he takes you far away where it’s quiet, the moon being the only witness.

— Jealous!Vere who continues with his story, claiming you have a nasty monster clinging to your shadow and slowly feeding from you.

— Jealous!Vere who smiles warmly at your inquiry again about why he’s been treating you so differently. He caresses your face to further assure you. His smile is inviting, but his stare is not.

“Did you do something wrong? Oh my dear, you have no idea.”

— Jealous!Vere who suddenly has your throat in his hand, tightening when he explains what you’ve done.

“I know you’re foolish, most humans are, but to think that you’re idiotic enough to pick that fucking doctor when I was right there and hand feeding you hints, is downright insulting.”

— Jealous!Vere who forced your knees to the muddy ground, his tail wagging excitedly at your weak struggling and at your confusion and distress.

“So yeah, you did do something wrong. And I won’t forgive you for it.”

— Jealous!Vere who licks your tears and smiles down at you with inhuman, pearly white daggers, telling you that your shouldn’t cry when you asked for this, and how easy it was to ruin you.

“You wanted a cure right? Be thankful I love you so much to grant you your sweet release~.”

— Jealous!Vere who rips your heart out and holds it like it’s a precious gift from the heavens, the organ still beating.

—Jealous!Vere who licks the organ and moans at the blood coating his tastebuds.

— Jelaous!Vere who cradles your dying body in his arms, kissing your skin. And when you’re finally gone he steals your eyes and keeps them and your heart all for himself.

— Jelaous!Vere who drags your corpse to Kuras’ clinic and throws your innards at his window, your intestines decorating the building before he makes his escape.

Bonus

— Kuras who was waiting for your return, was reading one of his little mystery novels, when he was startled by a sudden noise from the window, seeing blood on the glass from the cracks of the curtains.

— Kuras who was well aware it had to be Vere since the little vermin loved leaving bruised and bloodied individuals from fights he won at his doorstep.

— Kuras who didn’t expect to see your broken body when he opens the door. Your torso is wide open, your ribs cracked, heart missing as well as your entrails. Your jaw is broken, and your pretty eyes are gone too.

— Broken!Kuras who feels something hit his head and when he looks up another hits his face, the liquid sliding down the side of his nose and to his cheek. It’s your blood.

— Broken!Kuras who comes out and sees the morbid decoration on his and your home, the sound around him becomes static and his golden eyes shining like hot, white fire and wet with unshed tears.

— Broken!Kuras who can smell Vere’s stench all over and knows what this message means: “We’re even.”

[ginnysgraffiti]

[ BONES AND ALL!!! ]

BOOK SPOILERS!!!

did you cry your eyes out at the end of the film just like me?

good, because i have good news for you ;)

after watching the film i really couldn't help but buy the book, and it is different in so many ways.

in fact, both the ending of the book and the film left me doubtful, in a certain sense.

at the end of the film we can see maren going back to a past memory, where she was with lee on the hill.

in the movie script, the last lines highlight how the ending could be all in maren or lee's head and not an actual event that had happened, leaving the spectator with suspense.

at the same time, at a certain point in the book, maren starts having visions about sullivan and lee, but it is unsaid the point at which maren returns to the reality that will take her to the last page of the book.

in the book however, sullivan is her grandfather, and after he tries to "kill" her, maren actually manages to kill him and get her revenge.

lee had nothing to do with sullivan's death in the book, because he wasn't there.

however, when maren spends her afternoons reading at the university, she begins to hallucinate where sullivan is still alive and lee comes to save her.

from there until the end of the book all events remain a hallucination.

there's one more thing you need to know though!

both in the book and in the film lee is a eater, not a true 'cannibal'.

this means that he only eats specific people and CAN control his instincts.

maren, on the other hand, is a true cannibal, and this means that she has no control over either her hunger or her instincts.

so, in the book, if someone gets too close to her neck/kisses her neck, regardless of who it is, she can't control herself.

lee knew it very well, but he wanted to declare his love to maren anyway, in fact in the book we see him kissing her neck, giving her permission to eat him, because at least then he would have known that maren had feelings for him too.

in fact, maren does it.

so...that means that lee dies in the same way both in the film and in the book, but lee's death is all in maren's head, a simple hallucination due to her traumas.

this was basically my personal theory, nothing more, but when i sent it to the writer i got confirmed that it is true : lee never really died.

hope this helped a bit :]

it costed me days of research hahaha, but studying cannibalism is actually interesting :P

[melkyt]

Been crying alot about the idea of the immortality surgery in the context of LawLu.

The vibes are immaculate for the angst xd

Say the side effect of the immortality surgery is that while Luffy exists forever, Law's soul is tied to his existence.

Say maybe Luffy's death was not some dramatic thing that happened in battle, no, he just used up the last of his life force by using the gears too often, and it presented itself as a disease sometime in his late twenties.

Law has gotten used to having him around, having a semblance of a family together, picking up orphan kids here and there. Luffy still goes on adventures and travels the world, but he always comes back.

Then he stops going out as he gets sick, on some days he can't even get out of bed.

Law hates watching the man he loves, the man who burns so brightly wither away. So despite his promise, Law can't do it. He does the surgery.

Luffy finds him in the garden, seemingly asleep, peaceful, and gone. His heart shatters and it takes weeks for him to recover, but eventually, he manages to keep going, as he has things to keep going for. Their children, his crew.

He does not know that he is immortal, and does not know what Law did until everyone starts dying around him.

Luffy slowly breaks as he loses everything, everyone he loves. It's when the last of his mortal friends dies, Zoro, who was determined to not go before Luffy, not to leave him alone.

That is when Luffy decides that he has had enough life. That he wants to be with everyone again. Brook once told him that immortality can be a curse. It's worse. Brook is still alive and they sometimes talk, the only thing that keeps Luffy's sanity together as the years pass and stop having any meaning.

He travels the world, looking for a way to break the curse, learning more than he has in years of adventure, still keeping his smile and finding joy but it gets harder, the more things seem to repeat. The world begins to feel small, and sometimes he still imagines Law or his crew being around. The hallucinations do not make life easier.

So when he sees a man who looks and sounds exactly like Law on the island where Law was once born. He brushes it off as another hallucination. "Can't get enough of me, huh Traffy? It's the third time this week" He sighs, running a finger over the rim of his glass.

The man just stares in something akin to shock. He blinks as if not quite believing his eyes.

Luffy tilts his head. The hallucinations usually have some witty rebuke. They don't just stare.

"Luffy?" The man's voice is shaky, he stumbles back, breath coming in quick huffs. "How did I..." Law grabs his head as a splitting headache brings memories with it.

It's Luffy's turn to stare in disbelief. It's been hundreds of years, he may come by the place once in awhile, this is the island where Law was born, its familiar, the little things that never change but he never expected to see the man again. "Don't joke like that" Voice low, a threat on his lips. "Traffy's dead"

"I, yes." The man's knuckles are white around his whiskey glass. "I was... I do... How am I here Luffy?

"If you're fake, I'm gonna kill you" Luffy gingerly approaches, poking the man on the arm. "My hallucinations usually don't feel like nothing"

"Hallucinations? Are there side effects to the surgery?" Law gets over some of his confusion, placing his hands on either side of Luffy's face, feeling his pulse. It beats like a drum, as it has since he awakened Nika. "Weird but normal for you"

Luffy chuckles "Only Traffy would go all doctor mode right now" he wraps both arms around Law, "I'm not letting you go this time." Now that's a promise he will not let either of them break, no matter what.

Luffy uses his willpower and gear 5 to keep Law alive out of determination and to spite whatever force tries to take him.

[bloglophop]

“Sense”

Mila and Law’s first meeting at Punk Hazard.

Song for vibes: Madeline and Theo by Lena Raine (this is…what Law and Mila meeting sounds like as a sound. Hope that makes sense. )

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

Law was going crazy.

He had to be, and it made sense, given the harshness of the pure, frigid, soundless landscape he currently resided in.

It would probably make anyone go nuts if they stayed there long enough, and one look at Caesar clown was enough to affirm those suspicions tenfold.

As long as he stayed on mission it didn’t matter, but Law was definitely losing his mind a little to the cabin fever.

Either that, or every other day around the exact same time, some invisible force was moving his stuff.

Law’s desk was full of books and loose pieces of paper, stained with coffee mug rings and inky fingerprints from working too hard and too late into the night. It was his desk, he was allowed to keep it as messy or as tidy as he god damn pleased, and it was with a great amount of incredulity and indignance that over the last few months, every other day at around 6pm, he would return to his desk and find his papers scattered with complete abandon all over the room.

Beyond irritated with this frequent disturbance, Law had made the mistake of going to Caesar and asking if he knew anything about it.

“Someone’s been meddling with your office? Why, Law, I haven’t a clue!”

The horned man whirled around in the air, a big grin plastered across his ashy face- a grin that told Law Caesar knew exactly what was going on. Not at all in the mood to entertain Caesar’s foolish practices, Law simply made a gruff noise of confirmation and started to walk away.

”I hope that the trouble is quick to resolve itself, Law!” Caesar cooed to the back of Law’s head as the doctor continued to leave, his frown growing deeper.

“I do hope it’s not too unhareable- I mean, unbearable!” The clown cracked out into his signature ghostly cackle, and it was all Law could do to keep walking and not trample extremely hard on Caesar’s boxed up heart when he got back to his quarters that night.

Every other day.

6pm.

Mess.

The security cameras in the hallway outside of Law’s office revealed little except the yells of frustration he would emit after getting his concentration broken for the umpteenth time.

The final straw was when it happened right in his face as he was just sitting there, trying to work.

Law had been putting off taking a break for a little longer than he usually did, holding his head in one hand, hunched over as he wrote furiously with a pen in the other.

Without a single warning, every paper and lightweight object not secured or tied to a notebook went whirling up, thrown violently and with forceful abandon across the room. Law let out a gruff cry of frustration, swatting papers away from his face, standing up from his desk so quickly he made the chair fall over with a loud clang.

“Damn it!” Law seethed, his golden eyes wide as he looked around, scuffing his hand roughly through his choppy black hair.

”Sorry!”

Law went rigid, more frozen than the bleary white landscape outside.

Sorry? Had he just heard someone say sorry?

He strode from his desk to the open door, almost hurting his neck as he whipped his head around, scanning the hallway for whoever might have just spoken.

No one was there, and though it left Law with a clenched jaw and hot irritation bubbling away in his chest, this offensive intrusion was actually a blessing in disguise. The encounter had provided him with both the pain and the balm he needed to relieve it.

Because hallucinations didn’t apologise for causing a mess.

And if it wasn’t a hallucination, it was susceptible to his Room.

Law had a whole free day to plan, and then, the day after that, he waited.

The lights were off in his office, the door was open as usual, and Trafalgar Law was at his wits ends. In one hand he gripped a rolled up newspaper, watching the digital clock in the corner of the room as it provided a small glow of yellow light, ticking away at a countdown to 6pm.

3…2…1…

”Room!”

Law dashed out into the hallway, filling the entire space with an opaque blue as his devil fruit activated, searching for- whatever he was searching for within the space, and Law found it.

Moving fast- impossibly fast, he detected a presence in his Room coming from the far end of the hallway, about to pass his office. Law almost cracked a grin. This was too easy.

”Shambles!”

Flicking his wrist and fingers turning upwards, the newspaper disappeared from Law’s hand, and he instead found himself with a fistful of furs, the paper dropping harmlessly to the floor.

The same could not be said, however, about Law.

The thing he was gripping by the scruff of the neck- a person- was moving so fast that the force of being snatched up by Law dragged them both to the ground: Law unwilling to let go, the stranger unable to slow down.

Law grit his teeth as he stumbled to the cold metal floor, suppressing a hiss of pain in favour of being the first to recover. Not having his sword on him meant he had to get his hands dirty, but by this point, that was fine.

Law was pissed enough to no longer care.

Grabbing them with both hands now, two iron grips marked with death digging into plush fur, Law shoved them to the ground and scrabbled to get his knee on their chest so he could pin them down with his whole weight.

“Who are you?” Law demanded as he grappled with the squirming thing beneath him, undeterred by the clumsily kicking feet and scratchy nails.

“Stop that.” He snapped, increasing the pressure on their chest. “Why are you messing with my office?”

“I’m sorry, sorry, please!”

Law was a little surprised at the voice- lilting despite being strained with fear, with something of a sibilant ‘S’. Not quite the voice of the infuriating chaos maker he’d been expecting to apprehend. Law’s grip relaxed a fraction, just enough for the stranger to shrug their shoulders up and use them to awkwardly push their hood back off of their face, arms trapped at their sides by Law’s body.

Law found himself looking at a girl.

This, in itself, was no matter. Unlike that idiotic cook from the Strawhats, Law had no issue whatsoever fighting people of any gender, so it wasn’t that detail that gave him pause.

It was her eyes.

Amber and as wide as dinner plates. Her eyes were pleading, unblinking, set strangely and uncannily against her sweet and unassuming face.

“Who are you?” Law repeated again, maintaining his hostility as his perceptive gaze took in every detail- something he was sure that she was doing to him, too.

“I’m Mila” Mila’s lips were drawn up a little, contorted with worry. “I’m a courier! Between Caesar Clown, and- and Joker!”

Law sat up a little, exhaling sharply through his nose. So this was who Caesar had been alluding to previously.

“You’re Trafalgar Law,” Mila continued. “I know you, a captain, a warlord, you-“

“Yeah,” Law cut off her nervous blabbering with a sharp look. “Don’t need you to tell me who I am.”

Mila stared up at Law, cringing as another attempt to wriggle out from underneath him earned her more pressure against her chest.

”Mila. Cottontail.” Law muttered.

It had finally clicked. The last time Law had heard about Cottontail Mila, she was an extremely low level player in the pirate world from some backwater town in the North Blue. To see her here now, working under such high rollers was quite a surprise.

”You’re that messenger girl.” Law asserted, raising an eyebrow at her.

”Yes!” Mila squeaked, ducking her chin up and down in a nod. “I’m so sorry if I scared you!”

Law was taken aback somewhat, both by the apology and the notion that she could possibly scare him.

Mila was dressed for the harsh weather conditions, a soft and furry brown coat with a plush ruff around the neck and a hood to keep out the cold. The coat came down to her knees, where it looked like she had just layered leg warmer after leg warmer on top of the other to protect her lower half, topped off with a matching pair of fuzzy boots that she had been uselessly trying to kick Law with.

The coat had random bits of ribbon and bows pinned to it, like she’d tripped and fallen into a sewing basket.

Something about her hopeful, wind-chilled face made Law relent somewhat.

”You come by here every other day. Why.” Law demanded, folding his arms across his chest. He had no intention of letting her up just yet and, honestly, her coat was actually pretty comfortable to sit on.

Realising she was stuck, Mila let her head flop back against the floor, letting out a small ‘ow!’ As she accidentally banged her head, making Law fight the urge to smirk.

“I just deliver things between Caesar and Joker.” Mila answered, fighting the urge to try and free one of her hands so she could rub her head. “Parcels usually, sometimes just letters.” She mumbled.

Law clicked his tongue, nodding just a little. It made sense- Doflamingo would want to see samples and reports straight from the lab.

”Alright.” He conceded, easing up the pressure on her.

The second Mila had an inch, she took a mile, worming her way out from underneath him with a hurried;

”Wellthanksitwassonicemeetingyou, buh bye- eek!”

The last portion of her babbled sentence was punctuated by a yelp as Law had her by the wrist, pulling her back down to the ground to be level with him again, kneeling in front of each other.

“Hold it, Cottontail.” Law huffed, his patience wearing wafer thin. “You didn’t answer me. You make a damn mess of my office every single time you visit. Why!?”

Mila twitched, nibbling fretfully at her lip.

“I- oh, I thought I might be doing that, only, if you leave the door open when I’m coming past…” Mila offered Law a strained, toothy smile. “I’m so fast it’s been sending all your papers flying, hasn’t it?” She shrugged her shoulders up bashfully to her ears, continuing to smile at Law in the hopes it would melt his icy glare.

It was her sheer speed doing that? Law raised an eyebrow.

“So it’s my fault for leaving the door open?” He pressed.

Law had endured enough nights of tidying up scattered lab reports to warrant making the messenger squirm a little, and squirm she did.

”Oh no, no, not at all!” Mila’s smile dropped. “I just- I get so focused on getting my job done on time-“

“That you cause problems when I try to do mine?” Law cocked his head to one side, his lips twitching into a small smile as he watched Mila get more and more embarrassed.

“No, no!” Mila raised her free hand up to her mouth, biting down hard on the crook of her thumb in an attempt to displace her anxiety. Seeing this, Law released his grip on Mila’s wrist. His curiosity had been satisfied- he was a pirate, but he wasn’t about to be a monster to some overworked and weary looking girl.

“Stop that.” He sounded a little harsher than he meant to, but Mila stopped, looking guiltily up at Law.

“Walk next time. It’s bad manners to run around indoors like that.” Law let out a sigh, glancing off to the side. “Though I’m not surprised no one enforces manners around the Donquixote family.”

Mila blinked at him a few times, then let out an odd little laugh.

”I’m not part of the family.” She stared at him. Law’s golden gaze snapped back to her.

“I’m an independent party.” Mila explained. “I’m not…I’ll work for anyone. Here,” She suddenly pulled the sleeve of her coat down, showing her arm to Law. It was covered with watches, all of them engraved with the name of a different location, each showing a different time. “These are where all my major clients are located, see?” She pointed.

Law’s eyes widened a fraction.

”Some of these are Marine bases.” He stated blankly.

”Mhm.” Mila pulled her sleeve back down, scrabbling to sit up a little, her hands folded neatly in her lap.

“…Why would any pirate hire you, knowing you work for Marines?” Law asked, incredulous.

“M-A-D.” Mila answered, simply and cheerfully.

“M-A-D?” Law frowned.

“Mutually assured destruction.” Mila nodded. “Pirates trust me with their very important information. But, if I do a bad job for the pirates, most of them know they could probably just…make me disappear after torturing some useful Marine information out of me.”

Law was a little taken aback at the eerily casual way Mila discussed the idea of her being tortured.

”Why aren’t you more concerned about that happening?” Law’s expression betrayed no emotion other than slightly shocked curiosity.

Mila locked eyes with him, suddenly fixing Law with a very wide eyed and serious look, already getting to her feet to be on her way as she spoke.

”Because I never do a bad job for anyone.”

[lady-charinette]

"Do you think....we are good parents to her?" Rei's question got whispered into the bedroom, only the silver light of the moon peeking into their room.

Kazuki flexed his hands, turning his head to make out Rei's oddly serene features in the darkness. It's been a while since they left their life of killing, it took even longer than that for Rei and Kazuki both to lean into the normal, civilian way of life with honest work and daring to dream of safety.

But with Miri, all their struggles seemed to reduce in size.

Kazuki smiled wrily. "Are you getting sentimental on me, old man?"

Rei nudged him with his good elbow. "We're only in our 40s."

Kazuki laughed, quietly enough to not rouse Miri from her room. "Yeah..." with a deep sigh, he slowly turned to fully face Rei. "Honestly...sometimes I don't really know. Miri's older now, we get into fights with her every now and then. Remember the first time she talked back to us?"

Rei suppressed a chuckle but the corners of his lips twisted into the beginnings of a smile. "You had a mental breakdown the whole day and hallucinated "rebellious teenage Miri"."

Kazuki turned serious for a second. "Rebellious teenage Miri CAN hurt me."

Rei shook his head. "Hm...I think..." with some effort, Rei turned on his side, now face to face with Kazuki. "I don't know either."

Kazuki sighed, a fond smile gracing his lips. His hand twitched on its position between their bodies. "I think we're doing our best, just like everyone else. Tomo-chan told me the other night how she wants to strangle her husband sometimes because he doesn't do as much housework as he used to."

Rei chuckled with a knowing smile. "Did you offer to dispose of her husband again in your drunken state?"

Kazuki scratched the back of his neck. "...I might have. Hey, nothing that is said while drunk counts. The moms still think I'm joking."

Rei sighed. "Who knows what they would do if they found out you aren't joking."

Kazuki hummed thoughtfully. "...I actually think they might be down if they found out we used to be actual hitmen."

Rei ignored the last remark, his voice turning softer again. More vulnerable. "I wonder if I made it hard for you and Miri..."

The unspoken words hung heavy in the air, Kazuki staring at the cloud of guilt hanging over Rei's head. "You sacrificed so much for Miri, for us. We pulled through everything we set our mind to so far, so..." in a bold move, Kazuki scooted closer to Rei on the bed and gently rested a hand on the back of Rei's head, leaning in close to bonk their foreheads together. "Be more confident, eh?"

Rei couldn't clearly see in the darkness, but he knew Kazuki was grinning his trademark grin.

In a leap of courage, Rei inched closer and rested his hand on Kazuki's cheek. "Only if you do the same, you hypocrite."

Kazuki froze. "Huh?"

Rei smirked. "You don't think the mom group sends me updates about your drunken adventures? I've seen you cry as a drunk depressed ball more often than sober."

Feeling heat burning his cheeks, Kazuki tried to back away. "Ah- wait, about that- ugh I knew I shouldn't have trusted Mari to keep a secret!"

Rei snickered, rubbing his thumb across Kazuki's cheek, which caught his attention. "We're in this together, partner. So...lean on me too."

Kazuki blinked rapidly, touched at Rei's sincerity. They've come a long way since their starting days, but it still surprised Kazuki to see the softer side of Rei.

Still, a good hitman knew to never miss an opening shot.

Now fully pressed against Rei's body, Kazuki wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his nose against Rei's affectionately. "If you insist, partner."

Kazuki was positive Rei was blushing up a storm with how hot his skin felt on his. "I-I didn't mean it like that..."

Even when he said this, Rei wrapped his arm around Kazuki and never let him go till morning.

Thanks for reading!

[1-800-cr33py]

Nonsexual Dominance with the EMHH + MH Boys

(A/N yall sleeping on the Koval brothers smdh, also,

EverymanHybrid

Evan <;3

Piloting

Evan often times finds himself guiding you places, whether it be grabbing your arm (gently) if you start to wander off in a grocery store, walking with a hand on your lower back when he and his friends plan a hiking trip, etc. He just doesn’t want you to wander off where he can’t help you. Evan also really loves driving with his hand on your inner thigh, thumb tracing shapes as his eyes focus on the road ahead

Groom

I like to think Evan takes pride in his appearance most of the time, he’s worked hard to get the body he’s wanted! What they’re not to take pride in? That kinda transfers over into your appearance. He’ll brush and style your hair for you if you ask, pick out outfits together, hell. Evan even taught himself how to do makeup just to pamper you. He loves dressing you up (with permission ofc) to match his outfits! He’s possessive at heart and it’s just his cute way of say ‘we’re together, fuck off’. (Please do the same to him he’ll cry if you take the time to brush his hair for him)

Jeff &lt;3

Groom

Jeff finds playing with your hair comforting, it grounds him. So after some jokes that ‘ he just needs to learn how to do hair.’; Jeff finally does. He knows his way around YouTube and after a couple weeks he’s offering to do your hair almost everyday! Jeff also likes picking out/suggesting clothing options! He likes colors that look pretty against your skin and will always point out which ones do in his opinion, though you always look great in everything you wear &lt;3

Shoelaces

Jeff here loves to take care of you, and more often than not he finds himself kneeling down to tie your shoelaces, always grumbling about how ‘It annoys him’ and ‘ You could trip!’ So, he takes the liberty of tying them for you, though you think he’s beginning to catch on that you’ve been untying them for a while now..

Vinnie

Order

If you’re not the public speaking type, Vinnie is your guy!! He loves ordering for you if you don’t feel like speaking (or if you have nonverbal episodes {i.e me} ). He won’t tell you want to get though, In his mind thats some douchebag bullshit so he’ll just either have you point out what you want or go to a place you both regularly visit and order your usual. He just wants you to be comfortable.

Resting

Vinnie is very observant when it comes to you, so if you’re tired he’ll throw his arm across your shoulder and pull you closer, resting your head on his shoulder. He always plays it off like you were already leaning on him though.

Marble Hornets

Tim/The Masked Man

Lit

Sometimes when his hallucinations start getting the better of him, Tim will sometimes talk long walks wit no particular destination in mind. He’ll run his fingers through his hair and hold out his hand, a cigarette between his fingers, grumbling for a light. He’ll ask you to flick the lighter and ignite the cancer stick for him, and you do begrudgingly.

Pilot

It’s out of sheer habit that Tim does this, he’s subtle with his PDA, so a guiding hand you lower back or a gentle tug at your hand is common. It’s easy to get lost in the woods of Alabama, and he’d rather not loose you in the same forest that the thing is in. Tim is a grumpy dude, so don’t expect him to entertain your teasing in public, just a crooked grin and chuckle usually.

Brian Thomas

Feeding

I like to think Brian has younger siblings or used to take care of people younger than him, so it kinda delves from this and the fact you got sick one time and he had to spoon feed you soup for a week. It’s almost natural to him now, raising a spoonful of whatever he’s eating/making to you and wait for you to eat it.

Assertive

Brian loves you, he really does but sometimes you want to make stupid decisions and he doesn’t want you to get hurt, so he has to be more assertive sometimes. Sure, he’s not gonna stop you from doing the stupid thing, but don’t expect sympathy when you come back to him saying he was right (he’ll baby you dw, hes just the ‘ i told you so’ boyfriend)

[notglutenfresh]

Some House of Black headcannons:

TW: Mental health issues (ED, Bipolar, GAD, Schizophrenia), abuse, starvation, slight mention of death

All of them have a mental illness of some sort. Bellatrix has schizophrenia, this developed when she was around 23, before then, while she would've still been a really messed up person, her actions were her own, but I think that the longer the war went on she started worrying about everything because she started hallucinating that the ministry wanted to get her specifically. Narcissa and Andromeda both have very bad GAD: most of Narcissa's anxiety comes from her family situation, namely her husband and sister being a very high up Death Eater; most of Andromeda's anxiety comes from her running away to be with Ted Tonks because she feels as though her family is gonna hunt them down and destroy everything they made together. Sirius is Bipolar, this developed when he was 15 or 16 but before the prank, which I think would've been his first manic episode. Regulus has anorexia and depression: I think Walburga starving him proper messed up his view of his body, as if it was something that needed to be purged- he only eats breakfast when he's at Hogwarts which is normally just an apple and a slice of plain toast, when he's at Grimmauld Place he tries to skip out on meals but when Walburga forces him to eat with her he just makes himself sick afterwards or take laxatives to get all the food out of his body and when he's not in class or doing homework, he's normally on the Quidditch pitch practicing by himself or running laps around Hogwarts for as long as he can before he feels like he's about to pass out.

Narcissa really misses Andromeda and wants to meet her at least one more time before either of them die.

Bellatrix was like Sirius in the fact that she would take punishments for her sisters, which made her fall deeper into her madness rather than being scared of it like Sirius.

When Sirius first went to Hogwarts, Regulus started to get into trouble with Walburga for the slightest misstep. Partially to try and ensure Regulus was in Slytherin, but also because Sirius wasn't around to take the fall for Regulus anymore. By the time Sirius came back from Christmas break in his first year, Regulus had been crucioed so much that he couldn't stop shaking and could barely get out of bed without crying due to how much pain he was in.

Kreacher would help Sirius and Regulus escape punishment if he was certain that Walburga wouldn't find out what happened. Even if he couldn’t help heal them, he would put small portions of healing potions into the dismal meals they were allowed during their punishments.

Orion was an extremely neglectful father basically all year round, yet on birthdays and Christmas' he always managed to get Sirius and Regulus exactly what they wanted without fail. Thinking that the presents would make up for his lack of presence in their lives.

Walburga did love Sirius and Regulus in a really twisted way. She was raised by abusive parents, and she swore to never be like them, but when it came to her own kids, she had no idea how to parent them without the abuse, so she thought it was necessary. In her head, every time she punished Sirius and Regulus, she was showing her love for them. When Sirius ran away, she wouldn't leave her room for weeks. She wouldn't cry she would just stare at the ceiling, wondering why she became exactly what she feared, why she forced her own son into running away out of fear. When Regulus died, she completely broke down. She lost both of her sons because she forced them away from her. She died not long after Regulus went missing.

[hello-nichya-here]

Azula antis be like: "I can excuse a blind character sensing whether someone is lying by feeling their pulse that vibrates through the ground miles afar from her but I draw the line at good mental health facilities being a thing. That's just unrealistic"

And like... in what way is some bullshit like the asylum she was sent to in the comics in ANY WAY "realistc" considering the context of how things are explictly shown to work in the world of Avatar?

At the Boiling Rock, we are explictly told there's an inmate that is trying to deal with his anger issues. We also see in "The Guru" that Aang is processing his grief and trauma through meditation and opening his chakras. Katara took an important step in processing her grief through a life changing field trip. Toph was starting to get over some of her complexes by finally being allowed to have friends. We see both Zuko and And spend whole episodes hallucinating and both are fixed by sleeping!

Why is Azula the only character that needs to get "help" in a horror movie style when everyone benefits from the fact that THEIR WORLD OPERATES IN THE HOPEFUL "LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND KINDNESS FIX EVERYTHING" MOST KID SHOWS DO?

Not to mention, Azula is a princess and a prodigy that was only ever defeated by Zuko and the Gaang - keeping her "out of sight and out of mind" is begging for trouble because either she'll eventually recover on her own and gain herself some powerful allies like she did in Ba Sing OR someone will take advantage of the fact that such a powerful person is so emotionally vulnerable and use her as a pawn in their own game, Ozai style.

And, of course, there's the fact ZUKO IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRE LORD THAT WILL BRING ON AN ERA OF PEACE AND KINDNESS! What kind of wise, merciful ruler would allow a place like that asylum to even exist, let alone turn their own sibling into a patient/inmate that will be abused there, ESPECIALLY when said sibling has basically surrendered already AND the writers themselves said that when he saw Azula cry after their Agni Kai, he felt no joy at his victory or anger at Azula for nearly killing him - he felt PITY! Katara even has to offer him some emotional support during it, for God's sake! I do not buy that he would not care about Azula's well being or see her being abused as some kind of "justice."

Azula would likely be cared for at the palace or at the very least in a good institution that would legit help her. Anything else is a disrespect not just to both her and Zuko as characters, but to the message of the show.

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

So I'm having a real normal one here, not obsessing over the trailer at all. I shall demonstrate that by this presentation, where I tried to put some of the events from the trailer in chronological order based on Ed's looks and the injuries on his face. Like one does.

First we have Kraken Ed, freshly post breakup, with his depression makeup, wearing all leather and trying to look unaffected and cool by day, but ugly crying over his repainted cake toppers by night. No injuries, just tear streaks.

Second we get dangly earring up-do Ed. He's had a rough night, but he got up and did his hair up all nice, showing off his earring and pearl necklace, and he replaced the Kraken makeup with some nice eyeliner. He's unwell, daydreaming and moping at the helm, but starting to take care of himself. Again, no ouchies (only heartbroken).

Then Something Bad happens to him. Is this where he falls/jumps/is thrown overboard, perhaps? Does he get in a fight? Either way next Ed version is this, I think:

Head bump scene Ed is a mess, and this time not emotionally. He's unconscious in the beginning of this clip, and even once he startles awake, he looks super out of it, and I don't think it's because of the head bonk. Poor dude is concussed. The entire right side of his face is bloodied (cut eyebrow), and not just a little. There's blood in his beard, from a nosebleed and a cut lip. There's a cut on his left cheek. Our boy really was put through the wringer. He doesn't even realise that's Stede there yet, I think. (Also, this might indeed be their first reunion?)

Then we get a couple of different scenes that are somewhat shortly after this. Like the awkward meeting of former shipmates, and Ed smoking the joint. In both you can clearly see the split lip, the cuts on his left cheek and right eyebrow, and the bruises on his right cheek/temple.

I'm unsure if he also has those cuts in the weird blue light in the woods scene, where he fires the gun and tries to hit someone over the head, but those have a really unreal vibe to them, so might be concussed Ed hallucinating?

He does have the injuries in the bunny scene. It's a bit hard to see and I couldn't get a good still of it, sorry this one still sucks and is the best I could do, but the lip cut is there. You can see it in the trailer video if you look for it. The others are covered by his hair.

The bruising and lip cut are still there, but fainter in the "I am your captain" scene, you can see the shadow of the bruising when Ed turns his head, and I did manage to capture the lip cut, while the eyebrow cut seems gone. So this is later than blunt smoking and awkward running into Stede.

Then we have this pic, and Ed at Jackie's and at the beach. (There's also my mouse, oops.)

The split lip has healed, the cut on the cheek is still very faintly visible if you know where to look. Some time has passed to allow him to start healing. I'd guess this is more towards the end of the season. Ed isn't only healing physically, he's also out of the Blackbeard leather get-up, trying something new, as he says to Jackie and Swede.

Okay, thanks for coming to my TED talk. Hope you're also feeling very sane and hinged!

[madamemaximoff06]

"Jack Goes Home" Ending Discussion/Analyse

TW for SA mentioned, Death, Suicide, Self-Harm, Miscarriage, Abuse also Spoilers for "Jack Goes Home" (I know that a lot of people in the Rory Culkin fandom have watched Jack Goes Home, but just in case someone hasn't watched it and doesn't want to be spoiled, don't read this post or maybe do if you don't care)

I've been rewatching Jack Goes Home and i think I now understand the ending, Kind of. I don't know if it's a theory if it's actually what the ending is supposed to be, i don't know because people analyze the ending differently.

So In the end of the movie when you find out that his mom and dad both died and he was just Hallucinating all of it when him and Shanda go back to the house and he opens the door and you hear the violin music playing (It could be the same music that Jack asked his mom to play for his dad at his funeral) and Jack says that he can't keep her (Her being his Mom) waiting and then he walks into the house and the doors slam behind him and i think that's means that Jack kills himself in the end of the movie, of course it's not shown but it is hinted at like when he is about to "kill" his mom on the side of the road and Shanda stops him and he says "He had to go (He either being maybe his Dad or his Twin, i'm not to sure) So does she, so do i", it sounds like in a way Jack doesn't have a say in whether or not he will die, he says it like he has to die along with his family, not like in the far future, it seems like it wold be sooner than later.

Also it's shown that as the movie goes on He slowly starts losing his mind after finding all the stuff in the attic about his childhood trauma of him being SA'd resurfacing, His Fiancee having a miscarriage and losing their unborn son and also figuring out that his mom was physically abusing his Dad and that he had a twin brother named Andy that his Dad killed thinking it was Jack because Jack wouldn't stop crying and his parents couldn't handle it so they accidentally killed the son they actually wanted (God that scene when his mom is yelling at him that it should have been Jack under the water instead of Andy, that it was suppose to be Jack, my heart absolutely broke) (I also think that all of this happens over the span of like a few weeks) so all this built up of trauma, something like this was bound to happen.

Another way that it's hinted at that he dies in the end is when he goes to the bar and the bartender reads his palm and he says that Jack is Already Dead, i thought that there was gonna be a big plot twist that he was dead the whole time and i was really wrong, but maybe instead of it being him physically dead, he could be mentally dead too that it could later lead to him being physically dead along with the scene with him slitting his throat in the bathroom before it going back to normal, that could be like a intrusive thought that he was having that was later acted upon and in the end it could have all happened in the attic because that is where everything resurfaced, him finding the locked box with the papers about the trial and his SA along with the tape with his brother on it, and not to mention when Jack is sleeping walking, He says that he’s in the attic, At first it was meaning that him finding all that stuff in the attic but it could be a foreshadowing moment for Jack’s fate, it wouldn't be totally out there to have it take place in the attic.

But of course this is all a Theory, All of this could just be me over analyzing it like i do with everything so i could totally be wrong, and a lot of people have interrupted the ending in different ways but this is just what i think happens and what i think makes the most sense.

The only thing i don't understand was what was the point behind Duncan's Character, Jack's neighbor that he was also hallucinating, was he supposed to represent something? If anyone knows, could someone explain it to me?

[wjehfshs]

COD 141 X S/O with BPD

Authors note: everyone with BPD experiences it differently but I’m writing it mainly for me and how I live with it because I need some comfort rn

GN reader, reader has BPD, reader can be seen as like super clingy but remember I’m describing how I experience BPD, I may or may not have a huge bias for Gaz, brief mentions of su!c!d3/s3lf h@rm in Gazs part if you squint, mental breakdowns/manic episodes mention, mentions of hallucinations and delusions

Ghost

He deals with trauma and mental illness himself so he knows how tiring it is

Always asks your boundaries on things, even if it takes hours for you to list them or explain them in great detail, he’s willing to listen just for you

He’d even have a note in his notes app writing down everything he needs to know

If you have therapy he goes with you to all of the sessions unless you ask him not to

Always keeping you updated on where he is

Never leaves the house without telling you first at at least leaving a note

If you’ve split with him he’ll understand you don’t actually hate him, you’re just trying to protect yourself

He’ll try and ask what’s wrong, if it makes you feel better he’ll text you about it when your ready to tell him

During manic episodes he’ll keep an extra close eye on you

Making sure you don’t do something dangerous or spend large amounts of money

If you’re having delusions he’ll sit with you for however long it takes, explaining to you how it’s not possible or untrue, even if it takes weeks to months he’ll sit with you everyday or call you if he’s on a mission and talk you through it

He’ll do whatever to help you

If you’re hallucinating you’ve developed a system with him where if you see something that you think is a hallucination you’ll ask him if he can see it, or hear it, if it was a touch hallucination he’ll hold you until you feel better

He’s very understanding and don’t worry about being a burden he understands how trauma can affect people and he would die for you

Soap

A little less understanding

He tries hard to be but he doesn’t really know much about mental health

Always been the guy to just cry it out and move on

You’ll probably split on him a bit more because he usually shows his love through teasing and jokes

After you explain to him how it affects you, he’ll immediately stop and show you all the love in the world

Also always tells you when he’s going out, you guys both have that life 360 app on your phones so you can see where each other are

At the start of the relationship whenever you would have a breakdown he wouldn’t know what to do

But eventually he learned how to calm you and keep you safe

Asks you everyday how you’re feeling unless you ask him to not ask you

If you’re scared he’s gonna leave you he’s immediately at your side and will not take his eyes off you until he knows you know he’s never going to leave

Price

Probably least experienced around mental health

He tries to always check up on people but he grew up always being told to just push it down and forget about it

Always such a sweetheart though

Will kiss your tears away if you’re crying or having some kind of breakdown or episode

Also checks up on you daily, even if you’ve had a fight or disagreement the night before he makes sure to check up on you

If anyone where to make some kind of comment about you or your BPD, whatever. He’s immediately stepping in and telling the person to kindly fuck off

He knows how sensitive you are so he is always watching you in social situations

Making sure you feel ok, making sure no one upset you, making sure you feel stable enough to be there

The only time he can kind of falter is when you split with him

He is a stressed man so he can accidentally say something hurtful to you if you’re angry at him/split with him

He will immediately apologise and either hug you tightly or leave you be, depending on the situation or what you want

If he’s doing work at home he’ll let you sit on his lap while he’s working and you can come and go as you please he doesn’t mind one bit

The only time you’re not allowed on his lap is during meetings over video chat but those are rare and once they’re over he’s immediately letting you back in

Very protective of you

Tells you if he’s leaving but if he’s leaving and you’re not awake he’ll leave a kiss on your cheek and leave his hat with you on the bed until you either wake up or he comes back

It’s like a little indicator to wether he’s out or not

Gaz

Even if you didn’t have BPD he’d be such a sweetheart who’d praise you everyday

Splitting with him is a very rare thing as he’s such a softie

Also has all your boundaries in a note in the notes app

If he’s out on a mission he’s calling you for hours everyday if he gets the chance

If you take meds he has a little reminder set in his phone for when you take them

Will always insist you have something to eat, a bath, and have a rest/go to sleep after you’ve had a breakdown

He’s always cuddling you

Even when he games he has you either on his lap or an arm around you while he plays

Like his arm is wrapped around you but he’s still using his two hands to play

Bought you a journal to write your thoughts down if he either doesn’t have the mental capacity to let you vent or physically cannot because he’s in the middle of a mission or smth

Even if you haven’t expressed feelings of being a burden, even if you don’t feel like a burden he’s always telling you how much he loves you and how without you he’s nothing

Makes you feel so special

This is a little annoying but he always wakes you before he leaves the house, he wakes you up with kisses tho so it’s ok

If you express you don’t like it he’ll just text you that he’s out if you aren’t awake

If you don’t trust yourself around objects that could be used to hurt yourself he’s locking them away immediately until he both thinks you feel better and you verbally tell and show him you feel better

Showers you with kisses everyday