#endo ramblings

[rxttenslutcemeterysys]

hey, yeah you! the angry ones, the aggressive ones, the violent ones. cm'here i got something to say to you.

hey there...

the ones who get irritated really quickly and snap at the wrong person.

the ones who get angry quickly but it goes away quickly, especially when the ones around you don't get over it so fast.

the ones who first thought is to hurt the one who caused you this anger, or just the first person in sight.

the ones who direct their anger at themselves.

the ones who direct their anger at their environment instead of themselves or the people around them.

the ones who get so angry their body burns with heat, causing the anger to worsen.

the ones who get so angry they flip the numb switch and can't feel anything for a while.

the ones who act on those violent thoughts.

the ones who hide their anger and bottle it up over and over again until it explodes.

the ones who can't tell their anger apart from other emotions.

the ones who get stuck in their head due to their rage.

the ones who spiral when they get angry.

the ones who get even angrier when you let yourself spiral cause of your anger.

the ones who get angry over the littlest thing.

i see you, and despite all of this you are still worthy of being loved. worthy of being seen as an equal. worthy of being cared for. worthy of being treated as another 'normal' person.

i love you (/p). your anger doesn't define you, even though it might seem like it does.

[thexspiral]

If you're one of those bitches who makes random posts like "I HATE ENDOS THEY SHOULD ALL KTS ENDOS DIE CHALLENGE" please just block me. Like dude. You don't have to like them but be fucking mature about it LMAO. It's not like they're committing mass atrocities or anything. Grow tf up.

[cilan-radical]

A fun fact to anti endos who I know probably scroll these tags!

Someone you think is anti endo, too, could be endogenic themselves! We would know, we have anti endo friends we made before realizing our origins! We love them deeply though and just play the part instead of losing them. That doesn't make us any less non multigenic now does it? Exactly >:)

[thehavochouse]

I don't feel like reblogging this but I have things to say

Maybe we're less vocal about Endos because there are MUCH bigger problems. And some of us are just over it because it's like arguing with a wall. We show you research and you send us a carrd back about Endos being valid.

There's stigma around the actual disorder

The fakeclaiming... ACTUAL fakeclaiming by uneducated doctors

People who actually have this disorder have other things to worry about than some kids on the internet roleplaying DID

It's not worth our time

You're not winning anything

[mosaic-system]

I love how most anti-endo syscourse stances feel like they (we) have just gotten so tired of fighting

It used to be completely like “endos aren’t real why are you insisting why are you using our spaces I hate it I hate that you claim plurality fuck off and fuck you”

To now most syscourse stances of CDDs I’ve seen lately are more like

“I do believe non-disordered plurality/ I don’t care if non-disordered plurality exists…

I just want endos to leave CDDs alone/stop trying to demedicalize our disorder/invade our spaces/spread misinfo :,)”

And it’s still considered at best a syscourse take and at worst still anti-endo stance

I love when my (and most other’s) stance is “leave me alone plz” and it’s still controversial???? Somehow???

-Kalo

[theweebsystem]

Be gay, do plural

[livseses]

Idk, there's something that always bugs us about the statement "endos claiming to have DID/OSDD-1" instead of something like "DID/OSDD-1 systems who are endogenic" or "endogenic systems with DID/OSDD-1".

Okay I lied, I do know. It's the "claim" part. It's always that the hypothetical system is endogenic first and foremost. It's always a given. That goes without question (okay it's definitely questioned but I'll get back to that).

But they only claim to have DID/OSDD-1. When this phrasing is trotted out its never a given that the system has DID/OSDD-1. It's never believed that a system can exist prior to developing a dissociative disorder. Or that a system with a dissociative disorder can discover or recognize how they came to be and not ascribe that to trauma. It implies that the system doesn't have the disorder that they have.

And that framing is really unfair.

Wouldn't it be shitty if we did the same thing elsewhere? If someone said "this adult who claims to be autistic"? Or "this woman who claims to be a lesbian"? Or "this non-binary person who claims to be trans"? Or "this traumagenic system that claims to have DID/OSDD-1"?

We've seen all of those tossed around for the same reason. That last one is said (not in those words of course) by folks I think most of us would generally agree are being shitty. It's said by people who will fakeclaim any system for any reason. It's said by those that will fakeclaim a system for being queer or online. That's really bad company to have.

The usual response we see in defense of endogenic systems is "Most endogenic systems don't claim to have DID/OOSDD-1." Which is true, yes! We can't help but feel like that's talking about this on the fakeclaimer's terms though. We aren't asking folks to change how they respond of course, because we don't really know a better way to reject the accusation.

But those endogenic systems with DID/OSDD-1 aren't simply "claiming" to have DID/OSDD-1 any more than traumagenic systems are "claiming" to. They just have those disorders and are sharing that information about themselves.

While "endos are claiming to have DID/OSDD-1" puts the endogenic part first, implicitly leaving the diagnosis up for questioning, there is a flip side (see, I'm getting back to it).

To compliment the above, fakeclaimers will say that disordered endogenic systems just really don't know about their trauma; essentially that these DID/OSDD-1 systems are just claiming to be endogenic. Of course, we don't see it phrased that way. It's usually trying to be nicer. These poor misguided systems were tricked into thinking that they're endogenic. Or these foolish systems don't really know their origin. Or these crazy systems can't be trusted with their own experiences, cause that's what DID/OSDD-1 does to you.

It's patronizing. It's invalidating. It's disrespectful. It's sanism. It is opposed to disability rights and mad liberation. It speaks over DID/OSDD-1 systems.

These two claims compliment each other. They both feed into the idea that plurality (or at least DID/OSDD-1) can only exist for traumagenic systems. Anyone who disputes that with their lived experiences are either malicious fakers doing some stolen valor shit and invading spaces, or poor "real" systems that are just manipulated/ignorant/crazy.

Huh? That sounds familiar. Reminds me of attacks on trans folk that paint us as dangerous predatory invaders or poor deluded children falling for peer pressure... I would say it's strange or surprising, but we've gotten pretty used to attacks on systems having analogues in transphobia.

Anyways, endogenic systems aren't "claiming" to have DID/OSDD-1. Most endogenic systems don't have DID/OSDD-1, and they never said they do. Some endogenic systems do have DID/OSDD-1, and they share that part of their lives. Some DID/OSDD-1 systems are endogenic, and they have just as much right and ability to determine what caused their system to form and talk about it as any other system.

-Faye

[endless-hourglass]

maybe a strange observation but I feel like a lot of things I see on tiktok that are "system/innerworld red flags" are just things that make perfect sense for specifically sexually traumatized systems to have.

"Alters who 'give birth' or 'get pregnant' internally", "Littles being sexual alters", and "Alters having sexual relations in the innerworld" are all things that so obviously tie back to CSA*??? Like you don't need to be a fucking genius to see how it can connect.

Tiktok's syscourse is so godawful. So devoid of nuance or critical thinking (or sometimes any thinking at all).

*this is not to say these things are 100% always caused by CSA. I am just saying that it seems to be a pattern that common "red flags" are things that can be so easily tied back to CSA.

Neil/Iggy

[rxttenslutcemeterysys]

when new alter fronts for the first time;

[healingheartssociety]

Why do so many sysmeds seem to base their whole identities around the concept of pain and suffering?

One of the most common arguments we see amongst anti-endos is the idea that endos and their supporters promote this fantasy where DID/OSDD is all fun and happy. Anti-endos claim that we downplay the difficult parts of having a dissociative disorder (fragmented memory, PTSD, an altered or incomplete sense of self, etc).

But here's the thing..... endos aren't actually saying that.

Having DID/OSDD is hard, especially when you don't have access to the proper support. Nobody is denying that fact. But what's so bad about the people who have these disorders choosing to seek out the positives instead of being miserable all the time?

Anti-endos will even attack other traumagenic systems for not having the same mindset. To us, it almost feels like the people who make this argument are jealous that other plurals with DID/OSDD don't let their suffering dictate their sense of self. In fact, it even feels like these people don't even want to heal or seek help. They've become so engrossed in their misery that they can't possibly fathom the idea that others aren't also suffering 24/7. When you build your whole identity around your pain and misery, seeing anyone who doesn't think and act that way is going to make you angry and upset.

It's so incredibly easy to fall down a rabbit hole of thoughts when all you can think about is how miserable you are. That's why so many people struggle to get out of depression; it eventually becomes second nature for your brain to adopt a negative thinking pattern, and changing your thought process is unbelievably hard. This is especially true with people who have suffered abuse and/or trauma, because of the way these things impact them mentally and emotionally.

And maybe this is why so many anti-endos make the argument that our community downplays the negative aspects of having DID/OSDD. They see the plurals who have these disorders and seemingly aren't constantly suffering, and they get defensive because how DARE these systems who have the same disorder as them not be in misery all day, every day? How DARE these systems make the decision to accept the good and bad things that come with their disorders. How DARE people choose to not let their suffering define who they are.

- Blu

[thexspiral]

Btw it is actually so common for people to believe they're endogenic as a coping mechanism over actually being endogenic, ESPECIALLY using the mixed origins label.

I am a traumagenic system. Diagnosed with DID, all alters existence can be traced back to trauma. But for YEARS I identified myself as being mixed origins. Reason being that I didn't want to accept that all of this could have been from trauma. I wanted to believe that my system was a good thing, that it wasn't just the response to trauma. I wanted to believe so bad that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

It was a coping mechanism. These alters weren't coming from hyperfixations, or being neurodivergent, or from nowhere even. They were coming from trauma. I was traumatized.

And I really wish people, on either side of these arguments, would just understand that so many people who claim to be endogenic are COPING because they aren't ready yet to process that their system is from trauma. Whether or not you believe endogenic systems are real is a whole other conversation. But there are truly people who believe they are endogenic solely as a way to distance from trauma.

[defunct-ampersand]

being a system also just means i use whatever queer labels i want to because we have so many. like yeah we’re also just collectively a bunch of contradictory labels, but also it’s fun to just throw out all the ones we have between us and confuse people. “you can’t be [x] if you’re [y]” jokes on you buddy, those identities are had by two different people in my brain

[polychaeteworm]

I just wanna say, I've never seen an anti-endo over 26. They always tend to be like 23 and under.

And they always act like they know more about mental health topics than people with 5-10+ years of life experience on them.

Guys. If you are in a traumagenic system, maybe don't chase discourse and argue with people ten years older than you while you're still cooking the decision-making part of your brain and there's more than one traumatized cook in the brain kitchen. Speaking from experience.

[quasaricsouls]

sometimes i wanna just

[theweebsystem]

All plurals may vote and reblog, but DO NOT bring up syscourse or discourse of any kind