#especially if you post it to pinterest fuck you in particular

[faeyrs]

next person to use my artwork without credit gets sent to an alternate universe where i only draw horribly mischaracterized fan comics and call tntduo my precious beans

[sapphyreopal5]

Lesson of the Day: Do your research before you get inked

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A post shared by Justin Albrice (@yattoosbyyustin)

So ladies and gentleman, I present to you a lesson he may learn a little too late. Exhibit A, Jared's semicolon tattoo on image 3 makes sense, given his history with depression and suicidal ideation going back to Project Semicolon. Not sure about the letter F but it could be short or abbreviated for "fight on" or "fighter", such as seen here (one tattoo on this site being "f;ghter"). No need to elaborate much further on this one really. It's Charlie's Nordic rune inspired tattoo I want to delve into instead.

Exhibit B, image 4 in the Instagram post above is Charlie's newest tattoo. Given what I talked about here yesterday and the synchronicities I've been seeing with wolves coming from the Pads' way and even Charlie's who is affiliated with them. From his last post yesterday, it wasn't too hard for me to figure out what this tattoo is but had never seen this particular "rune" before. This tattoo is a modern take on so called "bind runes", meaning a combination of 2 or more runes.

Problem is, this is actually not even a bind rune that really means wolf, but is more likely a so called runic sigil or a personalized sigil based on what research tells me. Funny thing is though, whoever first made this "rune" spelt the word wolf in English and made this symbol, NOT how it's spelt in Old Norse. As you can see in this image I found the original one on Pinterest shows, really sure you can technically say this symbol contains 4 runes from this view below.... but this is not how combining Norse Runes to make it mean something actually works.

The word for wolf in Old Norse is Úlfr or Ulf, which is a common name in Scandinavia and even in parts of England. Below is how you actually write Ulf using Viking Age Runes, specifically Group A.

In other words, this symbol Charlie got a tattoo of is NOT the real combination of 4 runes, let alone this is not even how you'd spell out wolf in Old Norse using Old Norse symbols. Below, you'll see that this symbol he got a tattoo of REALLY is just a combination of 2 symbols for the Old Norse letters O and F. The F symbol below is the Fehu rune, which in short means "cattle", "wealth", and "abundance". The O symbol is the Othala rune, which in short means "home" or "heritage".

What are you really saying with this tattoo Charlie, you felt most at home living on Jared and Gen's "homestead" with their chickens? Is this really a funny way of saying "FO" short for "fuck off"? Or, did you just do a super brief Google search for "Wolf" and "Rune" and saw this on multiple websites and said "I'm gonna get this rune for my tattoo, 'cause I like wolves. The wolf is my spirit animal!"

This Reddit thread contains a wonderful comment in response to a Reddit user who got the same tattoo Charlie did. Funny in the video below, someone linked to in that same Reddit thread a professor named Jonna Louis-Jensen (who retired from the University of Copenhagen) was mentioned in this video. There's a good infographic of how Bind Runes work, how they DON'T work, and how they could've worked. The wonderful comment is as follows and perfectly summarizes what I couldn't on my own (I don't know that much about Old Norse runes admittedly):

Mathias_Greyjoy * 2y ago Sorry, but nope. That's not actually how runes worked. Looks like this was an attempt at a bindrune. Bind runes especially suffer greatly from misinformation and misconceptions, such as that they were created by mangling together several futhark runes to make some magical symbol or sigil. This is a new age interpretation of how Bindrunes work. Bind runes are used to save space in writing, not make up magic sigils. Check out this infographic to learn more about what bind runes were and weren't-

Rune letters don't have any individual meaning, magic or otherwise. The runes did have names that also represented things, such as Fehu which means "cattle; wealth" (but it doesn't represent a lucky symbol) and also represents the f and v-sound in the Younger Futhark and Futhorc alphabets. Many of these names are even contested and debated today. But the Norse did not actually stick single ᚠ letters on things and expect to become lucky, wealthy or protected. Anything claiming they did is unattested and not based in anything historic. The runes individually were never thought to influence magically. We know runes were used in some magic contexts, and runic amulets and charms have been found. However, the details are pretty much unknown, and anything claiming otherwise is entirely modern. We have no evidence or reason to believe "Rune magic" existed in the context of single individual runes having any magic meaning. They are characters representing one or more of the sounds used in speech. For instance, there is no such thing as a rune for Family, Loyalty, Love, Strength, Courage etc. They are letters used for writing, like ABC. We don't associate Latin letters with specific meaning, like "A represents wealth or B represents luck". Letters are sometimes used as initials and acronyms sure, like getting initials on a tattoo or necklace. But nobody looks at the letter B and thinks "Ahh yes, B is a letter of nature and fertility. It represents the pollination of flowers and production of honey. It is a letter that gives us the power we need to achieve new beginnings as well as the power to fly and communicate through dance. That's why I wear a B necklace.” That's not how the runes worked in Norse culture. If you see people talking about runes this way it's a modern religious thing they're doing, it's not based in anything historic. In our Latin alphabet A, B, C, D and R aren't magical on their own, but with them you can write magic formulas like "Abracadabra". We do have evidence of those formulas and charms from historic inscriptions, unlike the approach of "this rune represents wealth and good luck". That's how magical runes were: for making charms and formulas, and perhaps even the simple action of writing and reading was seen as exceptional and magical. But they aren't individual sigils. They would sometimes be used in single cases (similar to how we write "u" instead of "you" in text messages), but that's about it. Nobody carved single runes into things (like your necklaces here) to represent "wealth" or "good luck" or whatever. What is much more common is actually invoking it by writing it all out- "Thor grant me good luck" Or "Thor cast out this sickness, protect me". etc. if you want to call that a "spell" then that's how runes have a connection to magic. Give this video a watch and you'll see what I mean. (Real, Historical) Rune Spells

Lesson of the Day: Do your research before you get inked, so you don't look like a fool by those who do.

[patriciavetinari]

Wait I think I figured out the subculture thing in the shower and I think the answer is capitalism as per usual.

So, teens are rarely the spark of the subculture. Not never, but rarely. If anything, it's the college students and some young adults who are very visible or aquired certain popularity to be accessible to the teens. But teens are certainly most important carriers of any subculture, teens are the ones bringing the loud statement of the subculture to their conformist homes and, well, distinguishing themselves from whatever is the 'norm', not even neccessarily the 'accepted' (hipsters rarely struggled with that other than at the hands of other subcultures) but the 'mainstream'. Hipsters were actually very particular about NOT being mainstream even if entirely inoffensive about their demeanor.

The problem I think now is that whoever might be the spark for any new hypothetical subculture, has to go viral or likely goes viral due to increasing prevalence of social media (which was NOT the case with hipsters who despised facebook - too mainstream - and maybe dabbled in twitter but likely just hung out on pinterest and select few on tumblr).

Subcultures I think are incompatible with going viral in approval. If everyone likes this and wants something similar or to emulate it – it's not 'sub', it's culture, it's mainstream. And the companies know that. Clothing and decor and 'lifestyle' companies have harnessed this and now that I think of it, it started precisely around the hipster era, heralding the end of it.

So if any personality teens like – musician, actor, artist, writer gets enough likes on twitter, thus securing the teenage working bees will start carrying their style in a little flock – companies also see that and start producing and advertising exactly that style of clothing, decor and lifestyle. Everything that is different get's glossed and castarted and thrown on shein, thus becoming mainstream immediately.

Especially if you pair that with the book bans, the 'unalived' and the 'seggs' and the sanitisation of internet and social media, rebranding tough questions as 'too difficult', when 'Huckleberry Finn' is seen as ~problematique~ for depicting racism, the whole deal of booktok, and this insufferable, gagged and castrated media as the main source of this kind of inspiration for kids – is it a wonder anything dostinguishable and even mildly offensive struggles to be born?

So if you can't discuss death - how can you be goth? If you can't discuss suicide - are you even emo? If you can't talk about vandalism or post even a measly 'ACAB' without getting banned - what hope is there for punk? If you can't access or discuss controversial ideas some would consider offensive – how can you build a loud identity around (the lack of) such ideas? Even the fucking hipsters had this controversial idea of 'I liked it before it was mainstream'- yeah, it wasn't a good idea, but I disagree with emos on several points as well, yet I will always applaud their commitment to the point of view. Giving your philosophy a dresscode is a ballsy move that requires questioning authority even if in the end that philosophy is reconsidered.

Subculture is a community, communities (based on common interests) are now formed online more than in person, under the watch of companies who do not want any controversy near their precious ads, teens have not known topic-centered forums, just the algorythm spoon-feeding them 'content' and shein advertising 'aesthetics' one can change daily with enough products, all while maintining the most generic preferences and opinions, not backing up those aesthetics with any controversial worldview or philosophy or idea, juat making playlist after playlist for every aesthetic out of the minstreamest spotify top 100 artists, claiming taylor swift has goth songs or something (she doesn't. ABBA is more goth than taylor swift).

So I think to form a proper, healthy subculture, teens need to leave social media, tiktok and instagram particularly and read a bunch of banned books about death and suicide and capitalism and worker's struggle and sex and gender and stuff. But they can't because those books are banned or overshadowed by booktok friends-to-lovers-YA, and they've taken their spaces away and instead put up H&Ms selling them aesthetics.

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I totally forgot about the ask game 😭😅 Thank you Violet!

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

"Oh. maybe they'll like this next one better 👍🏻*opens another wip*"

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

(i talk about a smut fic here for whoever wants to skip <3)

Off the top of my head, the Dirty Dance For Three (Arthur/MC/Isaac poly smut) because at the time @scummy-writes was that one cool person that i look up to and we hadn't interacted much up to that moment (and now is That one cool person that i look up to and we frens :)) *blushes*) so that's one factor, another is, for some reason i took the ikemen gift exchanges REAL SERIOUSLY, i tried to give my everything to craft my giftees their perfect fics because it's like a very detailed and special request?? and i wanted this fic in particular to be more than your ordinary threesome so i spent some time wondering how to show their wholesome poly relationship outside the sexy parts 😭 it ended up being almost 4k words long and i wrote it in multiple sittings which happens very rarely for me,,,, i love it lotsss i ended up missing being inside the world of the fic once i got finished with it! i need to give it a reread some time!

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

Ohhh let me think... maybe the three headcanon + scenario fics with Napoleon ( Our Little Family , Making a home , A piece of heaven on earth ) - especially the most recent one about their family life, i was constantly doubting all i know about kids 😂 ended up reading tips on how to write kid characters (which is actually the first time ever i looked up writing tips) but then there's the historical facts i weaved into it, like the bunny army battle which i honestly thought i made up in my head up to that point 😂, THEN the kids' names. oh my god. i feel like some parents pick their firstborn's name quicker than i did for napoleon and mc's 😭😭 i spent two days looking up baby names from five different origins (french, italian, roman, greek, latin) , then i spent another two or three days going through TONS of pinterest boards searching for perfect pics for the post. but it was a labor of love. all of it. i do that sort of fic once in a year (typically my first fic) so that i can feel like "okay, i have one well-made fic about napo, i can go on without feeling guilty towards him!" it's very silly actually and it might sound like a lot of work but i promise you it gives me a lot of happiness and once it's done i spend a whole year thinking about the next theme :))) ❤❤❤

-> ask game (you're never too late to this!)

[piggybonez]

How did you get into the scene/decora subculture?? :>>

hi!! i think i discovered decora fashion by watching the YouTuber cybr grl, (check them out if u dont know them they are amazing and so informative about jfashion in general and also just a really sweet and fun YouTuber all around. ive learned a lot from their videos and they make me really happy to watch bc they’re a super kind and positive person ^.^) but i have a hard time pinning down exactly where or how it started? before i knew it i was just trying to hunt down as many pictures i could of people wearing this fashion and i began cultivating a style of my own around it as well. before getting into decora/scene i was definitely an emo/punk and i wore basically all black all the time. (band tees and ripped jeans mostly like an incredibly basic broke bitch style if u will) most of my wardrobe is still black right now so im trying to get more color into it. it’s funny how my style and interest in fashion took a complete 360 that way.

what i love about fashion is that it is completely your own to play with, and i like to challenge myself to take inspiration from all my fashion interests and put them together as my own unique style. (im a big fan of trad goth as well shout out to the goth subculture) as far as scene fashion goes i still haven’t gotten the chance to build a very scene style wardrobe but i do my best with what i have. scene/decora in particular are really fun and interesting and exciting to me because i feel like my middle school self would have appreciated it the most and would’ve wanted to dress that way then but it’s not until i got older that i ever had access to that knowledge or the ability to pursue a style of my own. i feel like when ur plus size and poor and even disabled it can be really hard to dress in a way that you like. fatphobia makes it really inaccessible and difficult to elevate ur style not to mention how much clothes cost EVEN AT THE THRIFT STORE‼️

but anyways, i just really love the 2000s scene/emo era and i know for a fact if i had the ability i would’ve been one of Those Kids. i hung out with those kids and i definitely didn’t look normal bc i was an undiagnosed autistic “girl” with a mohawk and i looked punk as fuck but i only ever wore what was given to me so i never had a sense of style or a sense of self until after i got away from my parents. now i just love to use my tumblr blog and also my pinterest as a way to appreciate these styles and indulge in the interests and passions i didn’t have the opportunity to appreciate before. i feel like growing up with trauma makes it really hard for u to develop ur own personality outside of survival, but that’s why my tumblr is my safe space and every rb of a weirdo with teased hair and accessories all over heals my inner child. im sure this is a much longer post than u were expecting but i love talking about these things so thank u for asking this question!!!!

also didn’t mention this before but another reason why i love decora is because it’s so incredibly unique to each person, NO ONE does decora like me because i use the materials around me to create my style! i love that decora can be casual or over the top (ott), and i also love that i can prioritize my comfort while wearing it. (baggy shirts, comfortable jeans, crocs, tennis shoes, whatever) sometimes it can be majorly uncomfortable to wear especially bc summer is so hot and because i get overstimulated super easily by all the accessories (for example wearing kandi is not easy for me sometimes) but i suffer through and i make do and i cant wait to be a fashion icon one day :p

[fic-dumpster]

If the boys had to buy a dress for yn what type of dress do you think each would buy???

This is a very good and valid question. Because I believe there was a transition, yk? I'm expanding this! I hope you dont mind, anon. 💕🥺💕. Tysm, I had so much fun tbh.

The first time Bonten bought clothes for Y/N hcs(?)

Bonten x F!Reader | based on DIH universe

A before Bonten Y/N style and an after Bonten style.

I don't think Bonten wanted to impose their styles on Y/N. Dresses and all were supposedly gifts, but she kind of adapted to their likings.

The thing is that Y/N didn't have a style per se but a way of living. So if her lifestyle changes, so do her attires.

I mean, Y/N used to live alone in a big city, college student, a job, and probably time and doing laundry were an issue. Spending more time in public transportation. Having easy to wash/fold type of clothing helped her a lot.

And Y/N goes to college. You know, there's a point when you don't dress to impress xD. More like you crawl out of bed and try to stay alive.

Also, Y/N didn’t have that thinking of ‘I need to look pretty.’ It was more like, ‘I need something I can move and not stress about it.’

Jeans, T-shirts, sweaters, sweatpants, cardigans.

That's what Y/N got when they gave her money the first time. It was more like an automatic response to what she needs.

Koko was in pain. Not to mention Y/N went straight up to the big red banner that says CLEARANCE.

“But! It's get two, pay one!!” you shook the socks in your hands. “Y/N, Sweetheart, no.”

After dragging Y/N out of the clearance zone, each of them went and chose something for their baby.

Since Y/N used to wear jeans, pants, and whatnot, they desired something different.

Okay, more leg. That's what they want. :P

They even re-introduced the concept of skirts.

Takeomi, Kakucho, and prob Mochi went for something softer… keeping in mind the delicate baby colors and all that. Not for going out. Maybe to use on a daily basis.

Takeomi, in particular, adores his baby in short dresses, especially when he's at the office and you’re alone with him.

Kakucho, on the other hand, enjoys touching Y/N’s naked thighs and just leaves his hand there. While driving, at meetings, eating, you name it. The heat of his palm always makes her blush.

Kokonoi, sadly for him because going with the dysfunctional trio was a battle on its own, shared similar tastes and ideas as Ran, Rindou, and Sanzu. 

“Ran, I’m not using this,” said Y/N, looking at the piece of clothing.

“But you need pajamas!” Ran took another gown from the rack.

“I have shorts and onesies!!”

“The fuck is a onesie,” Rindou looked at Y/N as if she had grown a second head.

“What about this one?” interrupted Sanzu, holding an even more revealing piece.

“Sanzu, that’s even worse,”

“Y/N, I’m not asking. You are taking all.” came Kokonoi, pulling more pj dresses without looking at any of them.

“Wait- But- No!”

“I got some shorts,” poped up Rindou out of nowhere.

“Rindou!” that wasn't the kind of shorts Y/N meant.

Mikey is a different case. Like I said before in another hc. He’s more of a you-need-to-tell-me-what-you-need type of guy.

And Y/N did tell them what she wanted at the beginning. Remember the buy two get one socks?

Well, yeah. Mikey went and got Y/N cute socks.

Food/sweet-themed ones.

And honestly? Y/N was in love with them.

Somehow, I think Mikey wanted to connect what he likes and what he believes Y/N likes together.

That got him extra attention from her while the rest of Bonten stood there with their picks.

Meanwhile, a smug side smile adorned Mikey’s face.

The petty man-child is literally rubbing his victory on everyone’s faces.

A/N: I think I’m getting the hang of doing hcs(?) and I also tried a different POV. But idk it’s weird

「The pictures used on this post don’t belong to me, source: Pinterest」

[iceman-maverick]

behold, toby ziegler modern au

this man is timeless so he’s pretty much the same except the things that annoy him are different 

more modern au! 

okay let’s go

toby has a major superiority complex over josh and sam about social media. he thinks they’re mindless, millennial sheep (moment of silence for the fact they’re millennials) that are imprisoned by the chains of mark zuckerberg. that being said, he is compulsively, bodily and spiritually, obsessed with stalking the interns on linkedin. 

toby and donna have a 749 day long Words With Friends streak going on. he considers it to be the most stable relationship in his life. 

if you’ve read my previous modern post, you’d know that toby has been banned from the west wing spotify for war crimes. to combat this, he is now single-handedly trying to kickstart the Pandora Renaissance. 

toby has beef with john green, no he will not elaborate.

...but i will LOL he wrote a scathing review of the fault in our stars when the movie came out and now is perma-banned from vidcon (?? he wasn’t even invited in the first place?) 

instead of the insider trading issue from season one, toby’s NFT and bitcoin activity gets outed by a congressional hearing. josh almost has a heart attack over it. 

cj has a particularly tough day with the press compounded by her dad getting worse, so toby sets up one of those electronic picture frames in her office and loads it up with pictures of her family and the staff. it doesn’t fix everything, but it sure does make her smile :) 

toby ordered an uber on charlie’s phone one time but forgot to log out. that was over three years ago and charlie’s still charging toby’s card whenever josh and he order ubereats.

before joining the campaign, toby had a moderately successful blog where he would provide vicious, in-depth analysis of different mommy food bloggers. you know the ones where kathy tells you her life story before giving you the snickerdoodle recipie. he’d straight up be like “not only is this utterly irrelevant to the properties of cake flour, you’ve managed to use every form of your incorrectly in a single post about your great-grandpappy’s time in the war. great-grandpappy would be ashamed of you and what you’ve made of his bloodline.”

the entire west wing prefers to use google docs but toby’s hill to die on is that word is the better software (i mean he’s right but he doesn’t have to be so fucking annoying about it). he accidentally corrupts the final draft of the state of the union while trying to convert it over. donna saves the day, but he still blames sam. 

toby is aware of west wing fanfiction and he is not fucking happy about it. especially when he realizes how popular he is with +40 year old housewives. it unnerves him. josh likes to print out different y/n toby fics and tape them to his office door. 

no matter what their relationship status is, toby never kicks andy off of his netflix. he checks in from time to time to see if she’s still watching the real estate show they used to watch together. 

toby has literally never had a fully charged cellphone a day in his life. ginger walks around handing out portable chargers all day long and he still somehow is under 15% at all times

toby purposefully kicks over those food delivery robots whenever he has a chance. it makes donna cry. 

sam goes around his back and puts out a stronger message against school vouchers on the POTUS social accounts than toby wanted to, so he retaliates by switching all of sam’s devices to Bing.  

one night while drinking, josh and sam find toby’s pinterest account. they’re expecting super cringe, if not incriminating, shit but instead find extremely thoughtful boards put together of the different people toby writes for. it helps him get a better understanding of the person and lets him get more comfortable with their voice. 

josh almost cries when they find the board titled Lyman 20-?? 

and lastly,,,,toby loves minions, mostly because of how much cj hates them. he’s a particular fan of kevin. he finds little motivational minion quotes and sends them in the senior staff groupchat, but jed thinks they’re sincere so he’s just like “...thanks for that toby”

[themoonking]

This is a long as fuck post for me but... Fujoshi discourse is old kinda but Pinterest comments are rancid places and there are very recent comments either not understanding what’s so bad about fujoshis or straight up in support of fujoshis so like UH:

First of all reducing queer men as a whole down to something for cishet women to obsess over and get off to is disgusting. Full stop.

Fujoshis and their ilk essentially see MLM relationships as inherently more sexual than others. A piece of media that depicts a relationship between two men or two boys with absolutely no mention of anything sexual will still be seen as sexual in nature by fujoshis simply because it was about two dudes, which feeds in to the harmful idea that queerness is inherently sexual and therefore inappropriate. Think about how, after Luca (2021) came out and everyone was talking about how obviously queer it was, there was a pushback about how headcanoning these two boys as queer at all was automatically dirty or wrong or even pedophilic because to those people being gay = having gay sex or whatever. A straight relationship wouldn’t be treated this way, because there is an understanding that being straight does not automatically equal having sex, but that same understanding is not applied to queerness.

A lot of fujoshis are drawn to MLM media or relationships because they see is as like “sinful” or scandalous, which makes it more enticing to them. I should not have to explain to you in any way how seeing gay people as sinful or wrong is homophobic.

In addition, a lot of the media fujoshis are drawn to is not just depicting MLM relationships, but depicting incredibly unhealthy or abusive MLM relationships. Fujoshis tend to like shit like CMBYN and fucking Killing Stalking, two disgusting pieces of media that I really don’t want to think about right now but depict decidedly unhealthy or straight up abusive relationships but are romanticized by fujoshis and fujoshi-type creeps. Which then feeds into the idea that queer relationships, especially MLM relationships, are abusive whether it’s emotional, physical, or sexual. CMBYN in particular also feeds into the idea that queer people are sexual predators that prey on children or teens. Both of these ideas are absolutely disgusting and deeply homophobic and fujoshis often reinforce them.

Moving on, in media where the MLM pairing isn’t actually canon, fujoshis are absolutely awful to the female characters and, if the media is a television show or movie, the real life women who play those characters. A lot of times they see an MLM ship, any MLM ship, as automatically more progressive and meaningful and good solely by being queer. Sorry for bringing up BBC Sherlock in current year, but think aggressive Johnlock shippers from the BBC Shitlock era of tumblr hating on the character of Mary Morstan before she was even introduced because she would “get in the way” of their precious queerbait ship or sending hate to Lucy Liu, an actress on a different (and better) fucking show purely for playing a woman on a Sherlock Holmes show. They acted like, because the version of Watson that Lucy Liu played was a woman, a hypothetical romance between her and Holmes wouldn’t be as meaningful or progressive because it wouldn’t be gay, despite the fact that positive representation of interracial relationships is just as meaningful as a queer relationship, even if they’re straight. The hatred sent toward Lucy Liu specifically often also descended into blatant racism. 

ALSO those same cis and often het women who fetishize and obsess over MLM ships and media are often really lesbophobic! In the average fujoshi’s mind, queer men = sexy and enticing, while queer women = unsexy and often straight up gross. The cishet woman/girl who obsesses over her precious gay ships is likely the same cishet woman/girl who is “uncomfortable” around sapphic women/girls because they- gasp!- might hit on them! The same cishet woman/girl who thinks it’s so important to read MLM fiction refuses to show that same support for sapphic fiction. To them, MLM romance is “cute”, “sweet”, “charming”, and “enticing” while sapphic romance is at best “boring” and at worst “gross”. To bring up the whole BBC Shitlock VS Elementary ordeal, how many of those Johnlock shippers who hated Elementary because it wasn’t a blatant queerbait gay would have been as supportive of a Sherlock Holmes retelling where both Watson and Holmes were women? Of a hypothetical retelling that had actual canon queer rep that was between two women instead of two men? Much to think about.

Also you will rarely ever see a fujoshi showing actual support for actual queer people. They don’t care about the real people they’re fetishizing. A fujoshi doesn’t care about queer people of all kinds that are facing bigotry and violence, a fujoshi doesn’t care about actually learning about real queer people and queer history, a fujoshi doesn’t care about supporting queer people, they only care about the fictional queer men that they use as their porn.

Anyway that’s all I can think of right now but I’m sure there are more reasons that fujoshis are the scum of the earth. Peace and love <3.

[elliewritessometimes]

hello! me n @mattieswheelers wrote another fic!! tiff is the most incredible writing partner and i- i just love them???? thanky so much for writing with me you are a stunning writer aaaa (y'all there will be a second chapter stay tuned fdhhddh aLSO we are posting this on ao3 it will be there at some point)

in other news: this was originally a request!! @notsomightymightytiger it may have taken me uh- a good couple of months but here is your fic!!!

for reference, these numbers apply to these tropes: first kiss/flowers of romance/blind date

LOVE YOU KIERA AND TIFF AAAAA HOPE YOU LIKE

tw: swearing, alcohol and drunkenness but not in an angsty farrah way just in a silly oops first date way, as per usual if there's anything at all you want me to tag let me know :D

---

Eva thought she was doing perfectly fine without a romantic partner. Her life was normal, one filled with work and friends and scrolling through Pinterest.

Apparently, in the eyes of her best friend, this was not a normal life. Farrah had always been a bit extra, that one kid in highschool who always seemed to know where the best parties were, or who was known by name to the baristas at the local Starbucks, and by the ripe old age of 22, she believed that a romantic partner was crucial to living a fulfilling life.

Or, at least, that you should at least try romance once before becoming a hermit in the woods, especially if your name was Eva Sanchez.

(“Look, normally I wouldn’t be like this,” Farrah drawled, leaning against a counter, “But deep inside  you are nothing but a useless gay at heart-”

Her phone buzzed.

“-and you haven’t dated anyone, like, ever, and if I have to be the only one constantly dragging you out to social gatherings, I’m going to die early. So do me a solid, will you?”

“Hey-!”)

Eva did not agree.

But, she was a loyal friend, and that was how she found herself sitting in an overly posh restaurant on some random blind date with some random person that she’d never even seen before. It would be an understatement to say she was a little bit nervous, but then again, whenever Farrah was involved, that was normal.

***********: hi sorry i got your number from the blind date place thing but uh are you the person at the table in the corner

***********: ???denim jacket ?? pride pin??

Eva smiled, glancing up at the door. There was another person looking a little lost in the entrance, very obviously trying not to draw attention to themselves, their phone held close to their face as they squinted around at the restaurant. They were pretty, dark hair pulled up into a loose ponytail, obviously not dressed for a restaurant as upper class as this one. Eva liked them immediately. Raising a hand, she waved in their direction, laughing as her date gasped dramatically, hurrying over and nearly overturning a tray of drinks on their way.

“Hello.”

“Look-” Eva’s date slumped in the seat opposite, one hand awkwardly held behind their back. “I dunno about you, but I certainly did not willingly sign up for this. You see, my friend wanted me to apparently live a more interesting life and stop relying on Tumblr as my only source of interaction with anyone, and my friend is very persuasive, so here I am.”

Eva raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, so I wanted to get that out of the way before we even introduce ourselves. I am here out of spite only, so, uh, I hope you’re not too desperate.” They paused, finally taking a breath. “Right. The more I think about this, the more embarrassed I get.”

“It’s okay.” Eva gave a noise which sounded suspiciously like a snort. “Let’s not think about it then. I’m Eva. She/her. It’s nice to meet you, unwilling datemate.”

They grinned. “Kate. She/they.” She gasped a little like she’d forgotten something. “Oh! I brought flowers. Chess said it would be romantic.”

Eva accepted the offered flowers with a blush. This date was going better than expected. Farrah was going to lose her shit when she heard about it. “Wait- You have a friend called Chess?? Like, the game???”

Kate rolled their eyes, casually snatching a bright pink cocktail off a passing waiter’s tray. “Duh. You didn’t really see me walk in this fucking posh ass restaurant in my flannel and converse and think I’d be normal, right?”

Eva laughed then, properly. It had only been a few short, chaotic minutes, but she was already warming to this mystery person and, God, they had good taste in flowers. Even if Eva’s nerd hermit brain did helpfully choose that moment to remind her that this particular bunch of flowers presented a meaning that translated almost exactly to ‘fuck you’. She wondered if Kate was aware of that. However, perhaps that was a fun fact for the second date.

-

“Hey, Eva?” Kate was slightly tipsy. Only a little bit! Really not that bad. Not at all. Definitely not too drunk for a first date. Shut up. “Hey! You’re- so cool.”

Eva giggled - she was equally as drunk, but not quite so intoxicated as to stop wondering why the restaurant hadn’t thrown them out yet. “Noooooo. ‘m a nerd.”

“Yeah, but a cool nerd.” Kate twirled the decorative candle between her fingers, drawing stares from disapproving patrons. The flame reflected in Eva’s glasses, making her just a little bit more smitten by the second. They enclosed their hand around the candle holder as best they could, standing up just a little shakily. “Eva-” It was like they got a rush from just saying her name. Eva thought it was endearing. “Hey- we- we should go…”

“Why?” She narrowed her eyes, also standing up, her long-discarded denim jacket slung over one arm, the other naturally slipping to link arms with Kate.

“....Arson.” Kate sounded entirely serious, still twizzling the candle in one hand. Eva blinked dumbly at her, mouth slightly open. They pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Eva’s mouth, giggling uncharacteristically at the motion. “I’m jokingggg! Don’t look so shook, my dude.”

Eva stuttered a little, letting Kate pull her finally out of the restaurant, marvelling at the fact she’d only known this incredible, crazy person for a matter of hours. Who knew where tonight would take them?

-

They found themselves in a park, gazing up at the stars, now dim in the reflections of the city lights. Kate’s phone flashed 11:46 in the dark, the lock screen filled with notifications from a contact who’s name consisted only of a chess piece.

Eva lay down on the grass, spreading her arms out towards the stars. “Do you ever think about life?”

“Sure. All the time. I’m alive, and so are you, and I think you’re really pretty. Does that count?” Kate flopped down beside her.

“I- I mean, yeah- um,” Eva tried not to sound flustered, thankful for the darkness that hid the color rising in her cheeks. “But like, life. Scientifically. Relatively.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, I totally do. Um. Do I?”

Eva laughed, turning her head slightly to gaze at Kate. Under the light of the stars, they looked… ethereal. And really, really, really beautiful. And-

Eva coughed slightly, turning back towards the night sky. “Just… think about it. I’m lying here beside you, on a giant marble that hurtles through space. Relatively speaking, our orbit and path are unique, and all around us, the other planets are… swirling in harmony, and we’re just. We’re just here to see it.”

Kate hummed. “You sound like those philosophical people, all ‘if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, did it really fall?’ and ‘relatively speaking I am relatively here, and I’m relatively certain… blah blah blah.’”

“Huh. Do I?” Eva shrugged, putting her hands behind her head. “I dunno. I’m drunk. I think. Oh, no, I’m relatively drunk, ha ha- okay no, I’m just drunk.”

“You are,” Kate nodded wisely. “We both are.”

“Do you know what Albert Einstein said once?” Eva asked abruptly, closing her eyes. “He said, ‘When you’re courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.’ And if that isn’t the most relatable thing he’s ever said, then, well- okay yeah I’ve lost my train of thought.”

“Wow,” said Kate. “Did Albert Einstein court lots of nice girls?”

“Pfft.” Eva rolled onto her side, laughing openly in Kate’s face. “Sure. Why not.”

They rolled to face Eva, curling up into a ball, softer than the 22-year-old had seen her all evening. “Not as nice as the one I’m courting right now.”

“Even though neither of us really wanted to be here earlier?”

“Yeah. Y’know, I’m fucking glad our best friends basically set us up. It’s very pog of them.”

“You did not just say ‘pog’. You did not.” Eva groaned into the slightly damp, slightly disgusting grass, listening to Kate cackle next to her.

“Shit, dude, my secret’s out. I’m just as much of a nerd as you.” She leant their head on Eva’s outstretched arm, burrowing into her side.

Eva paused then, draping her other arm around Kate, thinking quietly. It was stupid, really, that they were cuddling in the openness of a park at almost midnight. Dangerous, definitely, especially when you took in the candle still flickering far too close to Kate’s now loose hair. Some more sensible people, maybe Farrah’s sister, would say that it was stupid how close they’d grown in so few hours. But Kate and Eva weren’t sensible people, not really, and maybe this was completely normal for them. Nerds lived life differently. “We’re not like other girls… we’re nerds.”

Kate barked out a laugh again, pressing yet another small kiss to the top of Eva’s head.

Eva thought she might melt into a puddle right then and there.

God, she was so in love.

Kate looked up at the sky. “Y’know, for all your philosophical talk, you should be an inspirational speaker. Be on goddamn TedTalks or something, blow the crowd away with all that ‘the future’s in the palm of my hand!!’ bullshit.”

“Well,” Eva said, trying to sound completely sober (and failing), “I think all I could ever want is in the palm of my hand, right now.”

Kate paused for a moment, registering the fact that Eva had just cupped her hands around their face. “Wow. That was smooth.”

“Right?? I’m honestly impressed and I was the one who said it. Wait, is that hubris? Oh shoot, am I developing an ego? Or maybe I’m just drunk?” Eva’s head was seriously starting to hurt.

“You deserve an ego,” Kate nodded sagely. “You are so amazing. Seriously. You should have an ego. Dab on the haters and all that jazz, right? Right.”

Eva giggled, unable to take her eyes away from Kate’s. “What the shit?”

“Dude! Dab on the haters. ‘m fuckin’ right, and you know I am.”

“Mkay.”

“Lit.” Kate dragged her gaze from Eva’s, instead staring up at the stars. “If we weren’t drunk right now, I’d be kissing the hell out of you.”

Eva pouted. Apparently Drunk-Eva was limited to the facial expressions of a twelve year old. “Who’s to say you can’t kiss me now.”

“We’re drunk, Eva.” They waved their hands, casually flipping off the moon. “Consent.”

“If you think about drunk...ness. Drunkenness? Drunkness. Whatever.” She coughed. “If you think about it like maths, then because we’re both drunk, it cancels out, right? Like, drunk you minus drunk me equals zero drunks overall, yeah?” Pausing, she ran a hand over her face, watching Kate smirk and wriggle closer out of the corner of her eye. “What I’m saying is, yes, I give you permission to kiss me-” Kate leaned closer and Eva laid a gentle finger on their lips. “But only if I get to kiss you back.”

The two met in the middle, naturally coming together. Some might describe them as magnets, two poles attracted, unable to stay away from each other. Others might say soulmates, meant to find each other from birth. Or, just maybe, stars, gravitationally pulled together, ready to explode into another plane of existence, one so different from our reality that we can’t even begin to imagine the wonders that they’ll find.

However, this is reality, and somehow Kate and Eva are still grounded on our Earth, stars maybe, but ones made of ancient stardust no longer free to travel the universe. They found themselves pulling apart after two worlds collided, an unknown period of time passing as it happened. Eva’s fingers didn’t untangle themselves from their comfortable seat amongst Kate’s hair, the closeness making their noses brush, spouting giggles from both young adults.

“Well, that was fun.” Kate brushed hair out of Eva’s face, one arm still wrapped tight around her waist, pulling her closer as she shivered in the night air.

“Yeah?” Eva pressed her forehead to theirs. “Why don’t we try it again, huh?”

---

“I told you so,” Farrah smirked, picking at a freshly baked blueberry muffin. “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Eva huffed, failing to come up with an argument.

Over by the kitchen counter, Mattie snorted. “I find it kinda funny that the single girl insists that love is the answer to anything.”

“Well- it’s not like I’ve never dated!”

“Suuuuure,” Mattie rolled her eyes, hopping off the counter and snatching a muffin. “Anyways, at least Eva has a significant other now. That’s the biggest victory, right? Other than the celebratory muffins, of course.”

Eva sighed. “Is it really that big of a deal that Farrah’s plan worked?”

“Yep!” Farrah grinned, taking a bite of muffin.

“Technically, my plan, but okay,” Mattie shrugged.

Eva almost dropped her muffin. “What.”

Mattie grinned, a devilish glint appearing in her eye. “Believe it or not, I am also friends with none other than the amazing Chess, and since her friend Kate- who is also my friend, by the way- was being a mopey mess around the same time as you, I just had to take it upon myself to play matchmaker! So I’d like at least 50% of the credit and reward, please and thank you.”

“I- what-” Eva sputtered, trying to come to terms with the new information. “Mattie- you- oh my God.”

“Oh my God indeed,” Mattie bit into her muffin and swallowed. “So anyways, you’re welcome for getting you a girlfriend.”

Eva stared at the younger girl, mouth slightly open and muffin hanging loosely in her hand. Farrah clapped a hand over her mouth as she wheezed through a mess of sugar and blueberries, earning herself a death stare from Eva. Phone in one hand, Mattie continued eating her muffin as though nothing had happened, the teasing look on her face only exaggerating as her phone pinged with a message. “Oh! Speaking of, Chess is outside-”

She was cut off as the door burst open, the handle crashing into Eva’s bookcase, knocking her alarm clock to the ground and presenting two dishevelled figures in the doorway. One of them, a tall student probably in their last year of uni, puffed out a breath, a hand tightly clinging to a much shorter student squirming angrily. “Before you say anything, I tried to prevent any of this happening. Wheeler, I’m blaming you entirely for this.”

Mattie only laughed, offering Chess a muffin with her free hand, “Dude, it was totally your idea.”

Eva tried very hard not to stare as Kate finally freed herself from Chess’ grasp with an indignant yelp. “Fuck off! Eva, babe, sweetheart, love of my life, tell me you didn’t fucking know about this beforehand or I will break up with you.”

“No! God, no! You know I didn’t want to be there just as much as you did.” She rested her head gently on top of Kate’s, arms draped over their shoulders. “Believe you me, I’ve also been sorely betrayed today.”

Farrah gagged across the kitchen. “Ew. We should never have set you two up.”

“Bitch.” Eva grinned affectionately at her best friend, batting Kate’s hand down as they sent a middle finger in Farrah’s direction. Conversations carried on for a while, Chess finally being introduced to Farrah, with a muffin being forcefully placed into her hand. Kate whispered to Eva for a second before going out to take a call. Eva smiled knowingly, leaning on the counter to address Mattie, “So…”

Mattie made a face as Eva raised an eyebrow in her direction. “What are you thinking, Sanchez, I don’t like that face.”

“I don’t know…” She feigned thinking, sticking her tongue out as Kate re-entered the room. “Maybe, a little thank-you gift?? Y’know, me and Kate were thinking just now… Seeing as you set us up so nicely, how about you try a blind date yourself?”

Chess and Farrah stifled a laugh in unison, choking a little on their muffins as Mattie’s eyes got wider in horror. “You didn’t.”

Kate smiled sweetly. “Yup! Tonight, seven thirty. It’s payback time, kid.”

“I hate you.”

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Women in SPN—Is it Really That Bad?

TL;DR: Somewhat, yeah, it kinda is.

This is going to be a series of long ones, people.

Before I jump head first into this giant vat of weird toxic shit, let me say something:

The thing about most of the female characters is that on their own? They’re perfectly fine, ranging from serviceable to the occasional flash of thematic brilliance. Barely any of them qualify as “this is hateful on its face and incompetent regardless of context and the writers should feel bad for ever conceiving of it”, i.e. the normie benchmark for justified criticism. It’s only when you put these characters next to each other that a worrying pattern emerges;

Although discussions about sexism in the media were very much a thing in the mid-2000s, as well as shows with characters whose primary role wasn’t to serve a man’s needs, I can’t honestly claim that the flaws of SPN are out of the norm for its time; and

The first few seasons could really do with a PSA at the start of each episode, something along the lines of “A part of the reason why female characters are killed off or written out with such regularity is rabid superfans who couldn’t abide anything with tits brushing against J2, srsly, the writing team and the 2000s’ fan base were a match made in hell, except it wasn’t the writers who couldn’t do with bitching on their LiveJournals about the gall of women to exist in the show, choosing instead to harass the creators and actresses and wives and call them every sexist insult under the sun AND I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CESSPIT AS DISGUSTING AND NUKEWORTHY AS THE SPN FANDO—“

Anyway.

SPN has a legacy (as a posterchild for not knowing when to bow out gracefully, but legacy nonetheless) and isn’t watched in 2005 but in the year of our Lord Today. Meaning that as time goes by, the issues surrounding the show’s production retreat into the background and only what’s on the screen remains, to be judged on its own merits.

So let’s run down a list of the more noteworthy and relevant female characters of the first arc, focusing on their characterization, role in the narrative, and end. In the conclusion to this series of posts, the sum of characters will be analyzed as a whole to see if there are any unique tendencies in the show’s handling of women as opposed to that of men. I’ll do this for the original five seasons as the recent finale went out of its way to say that nothing after season 5 was strictly speaking necessary so why bother.

(Also because I died of frustration in season 8 and vowed not to subject myself to any more of the post-apocalypse fanfic era)

Angels, while strictly speaking genderless clouds of energy, will be classified as men or women depending on the apparent gender of the vessel they spend most of the time riding. The same goes for demons where I also take into account their stated gender while they were alive. That’s because although beings like Meg, Ruby, Anna, or Lilith can’t technically be considered women in the show’s present day, their consistent preference for conventionally attractive and/or female vessels throughout the original arc makes claims of genderlessness essentially meaningless. For all intents and purposes, we’re watching girls and women on screen.

Baby—the only true NB of the first run

All right, time to jump.

Say hi to our ladies!

Mary Winchester

Killed in the very first scene to give the story a reason to exist, she remains an active presence throughout the first arc where she has a wide-reaching influence on the plot and characters, driving the conflict on several levels. Fleshed-out more and more with each appearance to be more than just “the dead mom”, she’s portrayed as protective, pro-active, capable, and assertive, mirroring the duo’s desire for normal life and their inability to have it. Her story comes full-circle in season 5 when the personal tragedy of her fate is embedded in the wider tragedy of the Winchester family curse and the overall theme of destiny.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major

On her own: Textbook example of fridging… and that tropes aren’t bad in and of themselves.

Jessica Moore

Comparatively, if anyone doubts fridging can evolve into something meaningful, Jess drives the point home by having no personality and no point but to prop up her boyfriend before she ends up pinned to the ceiling, the reveal of which is the most interesting thing about her entire existence. At best she’s a symbol of Sam’s civilian life, at worst an obstacle to be removed for the story to happen.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major in terms of manpain, non-existent otherwise

On her own: A cardboard cut-out, barely qualifies as a character

Missouri Moseley

A psychic and the primary reason why John Winchester even knows to wipe his ass. Appears once over the course of the first arc yet everyone wants her to come back years later—that’s how awesome she is. Has this fantastic trait of being compassionate and empathetic while not taking a single speck of shit from anyone, especially when it comes from the two main dumbos who might just as well have been raised in a barn. Is very particular about the pristine state of her coffee table.

Status: Alive as of s5, killed in s13 (wait, what?)

Importance: Major…ly wasted potential

On her own: As strong a character as Bobby Singer, and as worthy of being elevated to the main cast.

Lori Sorensen

The writers can’t figure out why anyone in the universe would care about Jess either so they insert an intentionally awkward romance subplot to convince people the time’s not yet ripe for Sam to stop grieving and start slaying. The result’s… erm… well, awkward. Lori’s naïve, sheltered, devout though accepting of her non-repressed friend, and sort of on a religious crossroads because of her hypocritical preacher father. I guess the virginal power of her virginal virginity does… something in the plot? Primarily a vehicle for Sam to mark the stages of his moving on.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: A bit done. Like a bit lot. Like a “could be a trope namer” bit lot.

Meg

Boom, baby!

Arguably the chief antagonist of season 1 and one of the best things about it. The first one to point out the pervasive toxicity of the Winchester family business, so props for perceptiveness. Possesses the standard qualities of a lower-level henchman—manipulative, no-nonsense, and quietly sinister which, while not exactly groundbreaking, sets her apart from the other bad guys in the season as they tend to have no distinguishing characteristics at all. Plus Nicki Aycox makes the role seem more unique and “lived-in” by projecting a sense of understated amusement at the two main chucklefucks. Is one of S1’s turning points in blurring the lines between monsters and humanity. Has a face transplant twice—once to have revenge (good on her) and the other time to pursue someone else’s goals again before getting stomped into the ground like a mook.

Status: Alive as of s5 (?), killed in s8

Importance: Major

On her own: The actresses do most of the heavy lifting. Which doesn’t mean I don’t love watching the character burst onto the scene and announcing the end of the Winchester brand of bullshit.

Layla Rourke

A terminal cancer patient in a religious cult, she’s a more mature take on a Lori-type character and the themes of faith and doubt. Serves as a conduit for Dean’s budding survivor guilt, self-loathing, and sense of worthlessness. Is kind and cheerful, with strong hints that she’s relying on forced optimism to get through the days; also understanding of the circumstances of others while realistically freaked about the possibility of death. Weirdly, she enters the episode already in a state of acceptance and leaves it just as accepting when it’s confirmed that yeah, she’ll die soon. All expressions of anger at the injustice and senselessness are left to her mother which somewhat undermines the “struggling” portion of Layla’s character and renders the final scene where she makes peace with her fate a bit hollow.

Status: Implied dead

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Dean’s development

On her own: I want to like her, I really do, just… if only she were allowed to get pissed, once.

Cassie Robinson

Dean’s ex and that’s pretty much all there is to her. I struggle to pinpoint a single personality trait of hers—the 2000s idea of a “strong woman” and “not like other girls”, perhaps? Undermined as a love interest because TPTB don’t show the happy or any parts of her relationship with Dean so really, why should anyone care if two sniping assholes with little to no chemistry get back together? Memorable for being in a horribly scored softcore scene which YouTube tries to convince me lasts for shy over a minute, not the week I remember it to. Involved in the show’s first and last attempt at incorporating the issue of anti-black racism.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: She’s in the racist truck episode. ‘Nuff said.

Sarah Blake

A sophisticated people-person conversationalist with a love of high art and a deep sense of introspection. Ascends to the state of godhood by being able to pull off pigtails while adult. Bonds with Sam over responding to loss by crawling into a shell but deciding to move on. Doesn’t care for your fancy schmancy fine dining, Romeo. Isn’t ashamed to openly talk feelings which includes her explicitly asking Sam if they have a thing going on (honestly, this is such a breath of fresh air for a normcore romance). Despite being scared out of her wits, she refuses to be shoved into the helpless civilian box after learning about the existence of the supernatural; Dean creates a Pinterest wedding board in response.

Status: Alive as of s5, pointlessly dragged back to be murdered in s8

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Sam’s development

On her own: A great love interest that has enough writing behind her to fool you into thinking she’s something more.

Up next, whenever I feel like it, seasons 2 and 3!

[seventhfracture]

For the fic ask game: Q. 1, 2, 6, 9, 13, 15, 17, 18, 20, 22 [for the fic 'Prisoners'] & 23 please? <3

1: Is writing cathartic or stressful for you? Veeeeery cathartic. Writing is my fun time. It's my stress relief. Which is probably one reason why I write so much. I've got a stressful life and writing helps me relax. But I do get frustrated and hit problems in stories plenty of times too.

2: Do you focus on attention to detail when you read fics? Are you more or less attention to detail focussed when you write fics? When I read fics unless there's some big obnoxious continuity error I either don't notice or don't care. Even if I did notice I probably wouldn't bother saying anything. Just doesn't seem like a big deal when I'm reading. If the curtains were blue last chapter and red this chapter, that's fine!

Annoyingly when I write I try to be consistent and keep details consistent. I sometimes wonder if its worth the effort but when I'm writing I like shit tidy.

6: What are some topics you will never write about? I don't think anything is off the table??? I've read all kinds of fics that made me feel some sort of way. If I had something I thought would make an interesting story I'd probably just write it. A03 is a wonderful place in that you can post almost anything and tag it appropriately so other people can make safe reading decisions for themselves.

9: Are there any fics you’d love to see but don’t want to write yourself? What are they? I have several ideas that sound AMAZING to me but I'm not the best person to write them.

Beastars: there's a statue in the city that if you hold its hand, and you're the right person, it'll come to life. Soulmate AU based off a pinterest prompt. I feel like Mobster!Louis/Knight displaced from time!Legosi would be fantastic

Death Note: I want a fic where Light lives with L and very young Mello and Near. L and Light are married but since Near was adopted/born they haven't been intimate and Light doesn't really know what's wrong. Light starts investigating. Realizes he doesn't actually remember before Near was born at all. Turns out? Light is a monster and L and Naomi (L's actual wife and the kids Mom) tried to bind him. But in doing so Naomi died and Light literally replaced her role in the family. Hence why L can't really get close to Light easily, too emotional. Big emotional reveal. And Light has to decide what to do with that information. Does he let L know he knows? Does he try and become a monster again? Does he want to keep this new life?

13: Do you prefer writing multi-chapter fics or single-part fics? Do you prefer reading multi-chapter fics or single-part fics? Writing- depends on what the fic needs. Some fandoms actively want longer or shorter fics. FFXV for example loves vignettes but Beastars wants 44 chapters lol. So that effects my choices a little sometimes.

Reading- I really much prefer to read oneshots or very small fics. I don't have the focus for a long, big, fic.

15: Which fic that you’ve written relates to you and your personal life the most? A lot of me goes into any fic with trans characters, obviously. But different parts of me go into every fic. There's one fic in particular I want to write that would be very personal but I haven't found the right way to start it yet.

17: What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

There's two, probably.

1- I had a period of several years where I wrote but didn't post anything. Too much trauma. But then I started posting again. I'm proud of that. 2- When "Telepathy" broke over 1k in kudos I think I died a little with just... shock.

18: Do you feel like your work gets enough recognition? What kind of feedback do you like to receive? I get plenty of attention. I'm very lucky that way. Really what makes me happiest is my regulars who just react to plot developments every week and theorize what's coming next. You don't have to tell me I'm an amazing author. It's very nice but you don't have to say that. I'm super happy just to hear your feelings about what's happening in the story, that's really fun for me.

20: Which fic have you put the most work into? Which fic have you put the least work into? Oh gosh...

Most Work- Probably "Warm Bodies" that has been multiple seasons of writing and posting and it's still growing. It's fucking huge and it takes a lot to make.

Least Work- some of my 300 word vignettes in FFXV that are more tidbits and experiments. More glimpses into a possible fic that could be than a fic in their own right.

22: Have you used any symbolism in [PRISONERS]? What does it represent?

Symbolism is a tricky one. Obviously in "Prisoners" everything is meant to reinforce or bounce back some aspect of L/Light's situation back at L. The cases they solve especially are meant to make extreme some of the emotions of their Kira situation. You and L are meant to see the parallels and soak up how deeply fucked up this whole situation is. There's a distracting romance but everything in the fic tells you "We're in danger".

23: What’s one piece of advice you would give to anyone who wants to start writing or posting their writing online?

Just write. Sit down and write. Anyone who posts will tell you they get dozens of messages saying "oh I have a fic idea" or "I'd love to write {X}" and 9/10 those people never write anything. Lots of people have ideas. You're already way ahead of the game if you actually have words on paper. Even if they're not perfect yet. Even if you're not satisfied with them. You have something. And that's the hardest, biggest, step; making something.

[bluesunsdusk]

closeup headcanons.   for extremely specific headcanons. send me a body part from the list below and i’ll give you details on it: how it looks, how my muse feels about it, what difference it makes for my muse’s life, is it sensitive, how intimate my muse feels contact with it, if my muse decorates it or takes care of it any particular way, how well it works, has it sustained any injuries, anything of the sort. potentially nsfw ones are marked with *

15.       neck. (back and front.)

--// Another long post! ))

The earliest example of Najma’s neck that was posted on my side blog was this:

Though, since working on them, this has changed. Namely, the plating and those thick motion wires have been adjusted.

With Najma, they possess an advanced form of synthetic musculature. The connections used for motion in classic omnics are sort of still there, but are far smaller and covered in said synthetic muscle.

There are three layerings of muscles going down each side over their neck plating.

The front has three sections and a rounded kind of ball joint on which the head turns. Their plating offers extra protection for things like wiring and extra musculature(in case the primary set gets damaged).

The motion of their neck is very smooth in every direction. When they move their neck, the outside grey parts, which are the muscles, visibly tense, contract, and relax with different movements, most noticeable with serious exertion of these components (such as when lifting something extremely heavy).

Because of the layer of their plating, the crest they have, and the length their neck can stretch to, it may sometimes seem that their neck moves a little like a bird’s. This becomes more of a noticeable thing with face plates that possess a more limited field of view from the optical slits placements, in which they need to motion their head around to see more.

Under all of these layers, aside from the wiring, some of which is actually inside the layers of muscle, is a synthetic vertebrae that allows for increased range of motion in the neck. I was going to explain it more, but that belongs to the back.

[I’d really love to know the source… Fucking Pinterest sucks…]

I guess Najma sounds pretty advanced, but this is due to frequent upgrades to their person. While they were never as clunky as a regular civilian unit, due to being a medical care unit and needing to uphold an air of comfort and safety, they looked simpler. Though, in the last ten years before the events of Overwatch, not much has changed, as they had been situated for a large amount of time in Oasis with their owner prior to her death.

Before then, they had a few different plating styles. The Lucheng plating wasn’t that different, but their musculature was more plasticky. Now it has more of a soft almost matte silicone or hide feel to it.

Also, I now realize I should give Najma a few skins based on cockatoos…

Alright. Back of the neck has more plates than the front and these plates go all the way down the back under their plating, but that doesn’t belong to this.

Having their plating sectioned this way and with the curved middle makes moving easier. Though, actually, they would move better without the plating.

Of the plating with around the neck, the plating on the back has the thickest layer of muscle under it, connecting from the neck to the shoulder blades and spine, similar to a human’s musculature.

[Image source]

Care for their neck is mostly preventative in nature, as Najma will remove plating to treat their musculature and check for any knicks in the plates that could cause damage. Since being taken by Talon, any supplies needed for their care is given by Talon, as Talon tries to keep the self sufficiency of their less willing subjects, such as Widowmaker and Sigma, to a minimum. The muscles can be expensive to produce, hence why it is important they keep the amount of replacements required to a minimum. The neck muscles are luckily less likely to take damage than some other muscles and didn’t require any replacement upon Talon incarceration. 

Najma doesn’t much care for people touching their neck, in all honesty. They, like Set and any other robot, can’t feel the things humans do, but it’s a little intimate. Vital connections meet there with less protection than their torso and head. Their head is very sturdy and reinforced. Their torso has many layers. Their neck does not. It’s less uncomfortable to them than it would be to a human, because they can’t be choked, but they have been neurally linked to a human their whole life and carry a far deeper knowledge and experience of being a human than any omnic could possibly have as a result.

In a later verse, they actually would feel, however, and they would need to get used to feeling things. They’d wear plating less, but it would leave their neck more vulnerable to a certain menace putting hands on it without warning, which would startle them.

Set would not approve of them bringing their appearance closer to organic, but they support Najma’s endeavors in advancing the omnic species.

One can press a finger between Najma’s layering of muscle. They would not like that very much, especially in verses where they can feel over most of their body.

[valdczz]

* alexa demie. she/her. cisfemale. ╱ i am pretty sure i saw celina valdez at manon’s party that night. the twenty-one year old is in their third year at west bridge studyingmass communications. i hear they were at manon’s party because she never misses a party. i wonder if they got the same restricted call as us. will they comply? + getting high between classes, disappearing before things get too complicated, eyes that invite trouble.

heyyyyyyy there, y’all ! my name’s claire, and i’m the bitch who’s always late to the party. but, HEY, at least i made it. ¯\_( ᵔ︠ ͜ʖ ︡ᵔ)_/¯ i’m 20, go by she/her, and i live in the est timezone. i don’t sleep tho, so i’ll be around late into the night tbh. i haven’t been in a rp group in a while, but once i heard that pinky was reopening… BOI I FUCKIN RAN !! i’m posting late as hell because my teachers are tryna KILL ME WITH ALL THIS DAMN HOMEWORK FFSBVHB!!!! but anyway hehe, lemme tell you about celina aka hell on heels but my mf baby.

just some stuff ( tw. mentions of drug & alcohol use )

so let’s just right into it. celina's that girl from school that you’d hear about before you meet. she’s wildt. absolutely nuts. she luvs to do bad shit, and that’s her brand. a total party girl with an attitude, and she’s never a missed a party while at west bridge. 

the funny thing tho is that she’s from a family that wants to keep a particular image, one that’s especially family friendly. she’s the heiress to a toy manufacturing company, but she absolutely has no intentions of taking on the business. she’d rather just spend their money and head on out. however, her parents had other plans for her. they were tired of her behavior, so they gave her an ultimatum  — “get a degree and show us that you can get your shit together, or you can kiss your trust fund goodbye.” she’d scoff at this and say it was unfair, but her parents meant business. so, she packed her backs and ended up at west bridge. 

at first, she’d think that west bridge was too small and too boring, but it didn’t take her long to find her first college party. the cycle was continuous — spend the whole night out, go to class the next day hungover, do the bare minimum to stay afloat, and then repeat. she wasn’t planning on letting her parents ruin her 20′s, so she’d keep up a lie that she was doing well and spending most of her time in her room while actually getting cross faded with some randos in the library bathrooms.

she’s majoring in mass communications with a specialization in advertising. she’s not really interested in it, but she’s doing it nonetheless. she figures it’s too late to switch to something else, and she’s just ready to get the fuck out of school.

when it comes to manon, she viewed her mostly as a rival. people loved manon, worked to be her friend, and she had so many people at her side. whenever celina saw manon, she saw someone who she wanted to be. the rich girl who ran the school. the center of attention, so when she had turned up dead, she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. in her head, sure, it was bad, but manon out of the way, celina could take her place... omg celina is fucked up ... 

one thing is for sure, her parents COULD NOT find out about what happened at the party, and they especially couldn’t find out that she was there or involved. she doesn’t care what it takes. she’ll do anything to keep them from finding out. 

the type of person she is

ok so if anyone remembers jade from the last time pinkyswear was open, celina is basically the complete opposite of that. she’s got a nasty attitude and a taste for chasing fun, whatever she deems that to be. she’s not one to hold her tongue. it can get her into trouble. about as much trouble as her impulsive actions get her in. 

she wants people around her. she wants people to like her. there’s nothing more she wants than for people to be see her as the center of the room. she wants all eyes on her. does that make her self-centered? was it caused by her being the last born in a family of 6 and struggling to stand out in positive ways? she doesn’t care.

when it comes to friends, she’s probably bad at it, especially b/c ppl kept her around for her money in high school. she’s not really upset about that, and in fact, she kinda sees it as normal. if she fucks up, she’ll buy you a new fendi purse or an expensive watch. that’s what people want, right? and if it keeps people coming back, she’ll do what it takes. 

celina’s actually pretty smart, but she’s got an unwillingness to actually apply herself to her academics. she’s def the type of person to know some off the wall fact but if you ask her anything from the lecture she’d just heard, she wouldn’t be able to tell you. mostly b/c she’s too busy on her phone trying to find out where she’s gonna be that night. 

she’s a highkey pleasure seeker. whatever it is that will occupy her time and thoughts and distract her from the bad, she’s completely down.

big ol bisexual ! let’s celebrate everybody ! she’s not really a good person to date tho so she usually keeps it to just casual tingz since she’s not really a tied down type of gal.

she’s just a real big mess bvdhjbdsjc.... and it’s prolly just gotten worse 

her ugly wip pinterest is here

i don’t really have wanted connections as of this moment but i’m sure they will come to me & that’ll be a whole other post of me being ssssttupiiddd but :^) until then, i luv to brainstorm so hmu and let’s pop off about our muses

so yeah dats it for now, pals ! more will come as i develop her and plot with all you lovely ppl so hit me up !! if you like this, i’ll fly to ur ims for plotting n tings ! if ur not into plotting through tumblr, i have discord, and i’m down to give it to anyone who asks !! anyway, i’m so excited write with you all!!! 

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

1/2 Hello. I have typed as INTJ using both functions and letters (especially functions) and have recently had apps such as Pinterest recommend me INTJ related things. However, I noticed that many of them seemed to be (pardon my language) assholes trying to cover it up with typing. Yes, I am not the very best at being polite at all times, but you still have to try to an extent, instead of saying that “I’m blunt so deal with it.”

2/2 I’ve noticed similar things with self-proclaimed INFJs and large egos. My point is that unless I am completely misreading it, MBTI should not be used as an excuse for bad behavior. Much of this seems to be bad typing and bias, and the rest of it making up reasons to be rude and narcissistic. This makes me very annoyed; do you have any thoughts?

------

I mean in short, yeah, I have thoughts and the #shitty introverts tag covers a large percentage of them. The #infj and #intj tags will cover others, and the general archives of this blog will not disagree with you.

MBTI is used by many people for reasons that I think will come to bite them extremely hard in the ass. Many use it to shore up fragile or outsized egos. A good deal of INFJ stuff in particular is about how no one else understands and everyone else is cruel and in crafting a bullshit narrative of unique and immense empathy a lot of INFJs, genuine or not, who do this forget to be, well, even minimally empathetic*. The whole idea of wanting to be invited but not wanting to go to parties fills me with rage because it makes everything entirely about you with zero regard for anyone else’s needs and then these people have the gall to claim they’re sensitive. And on the thinker side and especially INTJs and INTPs, you have people who think having no filter is a feature and not a bug and that basic politeness gets in the way of being smart (and also their definition of smart is, again, yelling incorrectly about quantum physics.)

I think there’s a lot of value in teaching people that sometimes you are left out of things as a child or as an adult for reasons that are bad and not your fault, like being kind of weird, or if applicable racist and sexist reasons. Then you are sometimes left out for perfectly normal reasons - you’re not that close with the person; they had limited space and only invited a few people; you just never really clicked but get along fine on a professional level. And finally, there are very good reasons for leaving people out - if they are the sexist and racist ones, or just wildly unpleasant. In other words, maybe they’re not inviting you because they’re mean, but it’s far more likely it’s because you’re quiet and haven’t made much of an effort to be friends with them (because you have to USE YOUR FUCKING WORDS SOMETIMES) or maybe it’s because you’re an interminable bore who drones on about how empathetic and good at quantum physics you are and they’d rather eat glass than have to make conversation with you.

I suspect many of these people are either quite young and will grow out of it and look back upon their time of posting Ni-dom quotes with some cringing and wincing, and a few are just assholes and are unlikely to change and regardless of their type you can ignore them or make fun of them.

Anyway in my opinion Pinterest is terrible anyway but as long as you’re looking at INTJ/INFJ memes critically and thoughtfully, do what you want; typing as an INTJ will not automatically make you an asshole unless you let it.

*For what it’s worth, I don’t think this behavior is immediate grounds to assume mistyping; being a huge asshole to every individual person while still claiming a big picture feeling for all of humanity’s pain is very much within the bounds of unhealthy Ni-Fe. I find that assuming all assholes who are typed as Ni-doms are not really Ni-doms sort of absolves actual Ni-doms of any guilt or responsibility and really the whole point I’m making here is we’re all highly capable of being assholes, but some typings, through stereotypes and bias, encourage particular asshole behaviors.

[arguedquill1226]

Hollowed Heroes

chapter one (18+, MINORS DO NOT READ)

Summary: BuckyBarnes x FemaleReader-you have a unpolished past but you want a true chance at doing good in the world, to redeem yourself. Oh! And you happen to live and work with the Avengers sense the fall of shield while doing it... everything changes one day when Steve brings home a stray. What can the future hold for you and the team? Will this change the dynamic of missions? Will this stray be the answer to some of your darkest secret? Only time will tell...

Word count: 2,790ish

Taglines: 18+, Marvel AU, angst, explicit language, cursing (more to come as it gets deeper into the story)

Notes: Hi everyone! This is my first ever post of AU Marvel fanfic so please be gentle LOL...in short I've flipped some of the canon facts around like Sam and Steve got really close while shield is still in operation but age of Ultron happened before the triskelion incident in DC. So the facts are still the same but flipped or altered to work for my AU timeline. I'll try to fill in the differences as we go along with the fanfic, but I'mma Bebe writer so bare with me and my terrible grammar and punctuation XD so I apologize ahead of time! Also I do my own photo edits but I get a lot of the pictures of of Pinterest so all the credit goes to the OG poster of those pics...Happy reading & Hope y'all enjoy!

PS. I post from a mobile device so sorry for filling your feed and no keep reading option 😢

Updated on January 22, 2021

••••••••••

Chapter one-

First Impressions…

Tired and your eyes are burning. You casually lean against the wall with your knee bent and foot pushed on a piece of industrial paneling in an open debriefing room surrounded by soft sunlight and windows. It’s fairly early in the morning and you’re zoning out looking at the rich wooden floor while Tony drowns on for what felt like the 10th time on how you and Nat’s night op went and what the information you gathered meant for the “big picture.”

You had completely understood the gist of what he was trying to explain the first time he went over it. But when he gets on a roll with an audience, you know better than to interrupt him or let your sarcasm get the best of you. You and Nat were beat but the others had shown up late to the debrief so you just thought about getting out of your gear and hitting the rack for a few. The room was fairly quiet, with only Tony talking. So it wasn't hard to hear down the corridor a heavy set of metal doors close calmly with an mild echo…a side effect of having such wide open spaces on the operations level of the Avengers compound.

The noise had jarred you out of your dazed thought patterns. When you looked up, it had dawned on you that not everyone you'd had expected to see was in the meeting.

Steve.......where is Steve? Was your initial thought.

You and Steve had gotten close over the last 10 months sense Nat had brought you into the fold a little while before S.H.I.E.L.D fell. About as close as him a Nat. Sam had always joked with you 3 about being “the three musketeers” on ops. But you didn’t care because it was all in fun and was kind of true. You all had your particular skill sets, but also some skills that we’re similar. So it was easy to fall into step with each other.

It was then, you could hear hushed voices right outside the door frame to the room. Within seconds Steve and another man obscured slightly behind his right shoulder had entered, quietly sliding over to lean on the opposite wall from you hoping to not interrupt Tony you had guessed. He'd seemed to notice you following their movements with curious eyes and gave you a kind nod that you returned with a saw smile.

You glanced over quickly at the stranger. He was about as tall as Steve but thicker with broader shoulders. Dark, unkempt hair came down to his jawline obscuring his main features along with the black ball cap he was donning. He wore an Army green utility jacket over a light blue plaid shirt, denim jeans with boots. Dressed very mundane, perhaps too much. What struck you as especially odd was the fact that he was wearing black leather gloves out of season for upstate New York. It was early autumn, still fairly warm outside.

Steve had backed out of this last mission with you and Nat to deal with what he would only describe as a “personal matter,” so you started to wonder if this man had anything to do with that. Steve had explained how he had full confidence in you two to handle a simple stakeout/smash and grab on our own. So neither of you pressed him for more info and wished him luck.

A few seconds later, Tony had finished and everyone was content with all the information given and was about to stand when Tony, being snarky, acknowledged Steve finally showing up to the meeting.

“So nice of you to join us, we were helpless without you Cap!” Tony stated while waving his finger at our fearless leader dripping with sarcasm.

“Sorry Tony, I was hoping to be here earlier to talk to you.” He said a little unsure of Tony’s reaction to the stranger he glanced back at.

At that action, Tony seemed to register something in his memory. Possibly something him and Steve had discussed in private you wondered. Possibly something about this strange man who seem to be fairly familiar to you but you couldn't place him…By this time, everyone but Nat and Sam was staring back at Steve and the stranger waiting for an explanation. Those two seem to know something you and the others didn't. Nat looked at you out of the corner of your eye.

Who was he?...you wondered.

•••••••••••••••

He was nervous walking through the double doors in the corridor leading to a room that he could hear some guy rambling on, the voice sounded vaguely familiar. Looking back at the exit while the doors echoed shut behind them, Steve assured him that he wouldn’t let anything get out of hand and would explain everything to the group who may not understand or be upset that he had found the man Steve new long ago and was bringing him home like some lost pup...which Bucky hated to think of it like that but the man was damn determined and stubborn for him to come back with him. Bucky knew this team was established to do good in the world but he didn’t know if his presence would upset their carefully built dynamic.

Steve had left 3 weeks ago on a solo op that he was quiet about any details to most of the team but Sam and Tony knew. And Nat guessed it when she had seen the three in an incognito meeting disgusting details on a large timeline display of information Friday, Tony’s helpful A.I., had up about the ghost from more than just Steve’s past. Even with how close Steve, Nat and You are…you all have your individual secrets and knowledge that hasn’t come up in conversation. And Steve didn’t know that you had your own run in with the man he was about to walk through the door with right now. But Nat did know, but choose to not tell you this fact and may be regretting it that the moment. But it wasn’t her secret to tell Steve so how was she supposed to explain to him that not everyone may be okay with this.

Nat had warned Steve once at the cemetery when she gave him a copy of the file from Kiev. But she did it again a second time that evening. Before he and Sam left to find his oldest friend. He had promised to take what she said to heart and to not push Bucky or the others into anything they weren’t comfortable with. But they left anyways. Sam had returned alone 8 days after they left and only would say “it went as well as could be expected and Steve (more likely, Bucky) just needed some more time.”

In that time away, the boys found Bucky on a tip from the Smithsonian video feeds and CCTV which of course Bucky didn’t know was a thing. So it wasn’t hard to track him down and they found him in a seedy motel living on stolen credit cards, junk food from gas stations and a few random notebooks looking so lost. They had only left a note on the door to his room, letting Bucky know they wouldn’t bother him. But they added a phone number and that they could help him learn about his past, if he wanted. He thought about it for days before he called the man from the museum exhibition, the one everyone called ‘Captain America.’ He was starting to remember flashes of memories and feelings over the last few months away from Hydra's grasp, but couldn’t seem to make sense of them on his own. So he said, “fuck it!” And met the two men he recognized from that awful day in Washington DC.

•••••••••••••

They did help but his mind was far from perfect and he felt like an exposed nerve walking through the door to the room.

Fuck, so many people!

So he ducked his head and stayed near Steve. Even though he only knew the man for a few short weeks, he felt like he could trust Steve unconditionally which wasn’t a feeling he was used to. He recognized the guy talking as the famous Tony Stark or aka ‘Ironman.’ He was grateful when Tony didn’t really draw attention to him directly and chose instead to pick on Steve.

Bucky took the opportunity to scan the room. An old habit from all the Hydra training or maybe from howling commando days. That wasn’t clear to him yet. He seen some faces that were confused or apprehensive. Two he recognized to be Sam and a girl he thought was named Natalia, he’d hoped she didn’t completely want to shoot him for what he tried to do to her in DC and whatever else he may have done. She didn’t look upset though. She looked unsure, then glanced to a quiet girl he hadn’t noticed until he followed Nat’s eye line.

It was you, a beautiful girl nonchalantly leaning on the wall in a “back of the class” kind of way. With long, YC hair that was a bit wild from the long night and deep YC eyes with messy black smoky eyeshadow that resembled war paint. Dressed in all black, holsters and straps. She wasn’t like Natalia dressed in a sleek look though, more apocalyptic and organic. Weathered Moto pants, combat boots and a loose fitted, faded black tank top that had a worn group of holes reminiscent of bird shot where your utility belt buckle rubs against the material. Your jacket discarded on the floor haphazardly by your feet. Almost familiar to someone or something he’d seen before…wait………..yes……definitely someone………..shit… and the memory slips away…

Bucky was completely stunned by how beautiful you are. But he didn’t want to seem like a creep so he kept his glance short before looking back at Natalia and Sam. He had completely ignored what Steve was saying to his friends, being stuck in his thoughts when he heard Tony say,

“This is James Barnes everybody. Don’t be afraid to say ‘Hi' and remember to show him to his room later, will ya Cap?”

“He prefers Bucky actually,” Steve says nodding his head to the rest of the group “and I will. Thanks again for understanding Tony.”

By this time, Vis, Wanda, Tony, Maria, Rhodey and Clint began filling out of the door past Steve and Bucky with quick greetings and smiles in a hurry to get to their priorities for the day…whatever those were. You found yourself smiling and wanting to giggle at the thought of Clint’s main mission probably being to eat the last donuts in the kitchen of the compound, when you realized Nat had walked up to you and Sam had joined Barnes and Steve by the door. Nat was obviously trying to block his view of you for some reason. As good as she was executing a distraction, she should’ve known better as that was one of your many skill sets too.

That’s when you realized Barnes kept his head coy but was glancing at you periodically over Nat’s shoulder. It wasn’t hard to see because you were slightly taller than Nat so she couldn’t really block him from looking your way. It struck you differently than it usually does when someone stares at you. Normally, you cringe and feel awkward in a personal setting with someone staring at you. But this time it’s like his eyes are drawing you into a trap. His eyes…holy fuck, you hadn’t noticed his eyes. Before they were hidden under the bill of his hat but now they’re looking directly into yours and they’re the brightest slate blue color. You easily spot them from over 15 feet away.

Nat notices your eye contact and she scoops up your jacket and shoves it lightly to your chest. You grab it while she simultaneously hooks her elbow around yours and leads you out of the room. On your way by the three men, she smiles and says,

“see you boys at the gym later.”

Bucky follows you and Nat’s path with his eyes as you hang a left leading into the section that has the hanger bay on your right heading to the elevators on the left that will take you up to the living quarters. He turns back to Sam and Steve to find them looking at him.

“Don’t worry, YourNickName isn’t anyone you need to worry about. She’s actually really cool.” Sam says with a smug smile on his face like he noticed something.

Bucky repeated, “YNN?”

“Ya, it’s short for YFirstN. She’s been working with us for a while now but she’s still kind of the new here too. Now, how about a tour?” Steve added.

Bucky nodded in agreement and they walked out of the room heading in the same direction as you two did. Hoping he may run into you again while Sam and Steve kept pointing out what different sections of the compound were used for.

•••••••••••••

After you and Nat we're a little ways away from the debriefing room, she started some small talk about how nice a hot shower would feel right now and you agreed wholeheartedly. But stepping into the elevator, you couldn't shake the feeling that you wanted to go back and properly say hi to the new guy Bucky and welcome Steve back.

Nat told you with a smile sensing your thoughts, “don't worry, we will see Steve later at the gym. And later for movie night. You know how Tony gets if we don't show up for his events, we should catch up on our sleep now so we're not late.”

You giggle, “events?... It’s a movie Nat.”

“Ya, but Rogers is back and brought Barnes with him so now he’s going to go overboard and really make it a picture show.”

“Yep…agreed. It’ll be a whole thang now!” you say over exaggeratedly with you hands and jacket waving back and forth while rolling your eyes. “Hopefully he doesn’t plan on showing anything Charles Chaplin for our sakes!” you yell jokingly while turning away and jogging down the hall. You hear Nat belly laugh before you both duck into your rooms for some much needed R&R.

It doesn’t take you long to peel your gear off and start the shower. It starts to whistle due to the steaming hot water shooting out of the head while you bun your hair on the top of your head and flop your towel over the rod. Ready for the inevitable soap in your eye somehow because you’re secretly a total klutz. You turn the water down a tad and start your music on your phone and jump in while you start to sing along.

You’re clean and relaxed in no time at all so you shut off the shower and hop out, throw on a tank and shorts and turn the music down a bit. When you walk out of the bathroom you hear a familiar voice pass by your door. It’s Steve saying, “and your room is right here, mine’s just down the hall and Sam’s is around the corner if you need anything.”

A door in the hall latches softly, then…… silence. You open your door to hopefully catch Cap before he runs off and he’s already in front of your door. His hand up looking prepared to knock and eyebrows raised with a smile on his face when he sees you.

“Hey!” he boasts.

“Hey you!” you reach for a quick hug and he gladly accepts. “We all missed you.”

“Well I’m back now. So you don’t need to anymore. Listen, can I ask you a favor?” he asks with a grin.

“Of course!”

“I hope you don’t mind but…uh…I gave Bucky the room next to yours. And I know you don’t really know him…or anything…I guess what I’m asking is, if you see him out and about can you help make him feel welcome…I figured sense you’re still kind of new maybe…” He tries to explain while rubbing the back of his neck and looking shy.

But you hold up your hand to stop his awkwardness and say, ”yeah, of course Steve. Anything for ya.”

“That great, thanks YN, you rock!” he says beaming.

“Not a prob. Now unless you have any better uses for my bed you’d like to personally show me?” you tease with a sarcastically sultry expression to see if he blushes.

“Uhhh…I…” he totally does.

“That’s what I thought,” you giggle and shoo him off. “I’m hitting the rack, night Stevie!”

“But it’s day!” he jokes as he head down the hall as you shut your door.

You climb into bed thoroughly enjoying the thought of how your sense of humor and Steve’s reservoir of pent-up 1940s sass effortlessly fits together. Within seconds of getting comfy and turning off your tunes, you’re out.

Chapter Two coming soon... Masterlist here

***if you liked this please feel free to let me know with a *reblog or ask* thanks so much for reading!!!