#especially with everything going on in my irl life right now

[jj-one]

HATE YOU

this is smut, do not interact if under 18

pairing: enemies to lovers ? (sorta one-sided tho), college au, fuckboy!jungkook x f!reader genre/tags: smut, angst, alcohol usage, dirty talk, lowkey perverted!jk, fingering, piv, unprotected sex (oof), drunk sex, public sex (reader & jk do it at a house party), riding, video recording **pls don’t do none of this irl LMAO words: 2.7k

**old repost from my deleted blog

Hate is a strong word— at least that’s what people try and say. You meant it though, it was a word you didn’t use lightly. Especially when it came to your opinion on 99% of the male population at your school. You couldn’t stand most of them, they all just wanted one thing. Getting into your pants.

You despised hook-up culture with a passion and it didn’t help that most guys who tried talking to you were all the same. You had a special hatred for a particular individual the most though— Jeon Jungkook from your physics class. He was the most arrogant, conceited, egotistical person you’ve ever met your whole life.

Every class he would have a different girl with him wrapped around his arm, walking him to the door like he’s some kind of royalty. The way almost every girl would swoon over him just because he’s good looking was baffling to you. Yeah he may have a pretty face but does that cancel everything else out? Of course not. You’ll never understand why these women would choose to go after someone like him, you felt embarrassed for them honestly.

“Jungkook, meet me after class I’ll be waiting for you!” Some girl shouted through the door to get his attention.

He was sitting two seats from you, looking at his phone while paying no mind to the obvious screaming being directed to him. He was so full of himself it was ridiculous.

“Hey y/n, what’re you doing tonight?”

That voice startled the hell out of you. Who gave Jungkook the right to even be speaking to you right now? Looking over in his direction, you give him an empty stare.

“Why do you care?” You said harshly.

It makes no sense why he would even try talking to you, you’ve never given him any indication you liked him.

“Sheesh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today,” he chuckles, “you should pull up to my party tonight!” You wanted to almost physically gag at the wink he just gave you.

“I’m good.” You shut him down quickly and try moving on but he doesn’t let you off that easy.

“You sure? The whole schools practically gonna be there, you don’t wanna miss out on all the fun do ya?” That annoying smirk on his face was really starting to irritate you.

“I said I’m good, I’d never show up to one of your dumb ass parties.”

“I think you got me mixed up with someone else, my parties are always lit. If you have a change of heart though, I’ll make sure to show you a real good time.”

You scoff, utterly disgusted by his last comment, just about everything he said had sexual undertones to them. His humor was weird and extremely perverted which heavily pissed you off. You couldn’t wait for this class to be over.

“We’re almost here!” Yuna exclaims in the passenger seat.

You were in the back with two of your other friends as you were headed to a party. You weren’t totally up for partying tonight but ultimately your friends were able to convince you to go. You don’t even know where the party is but maybe it’s good to get your mind off things.

“Oh, by the way who’s party is this?” You ask suddenly as Lisa pulls into a driveway.

The car got silent for a second, no one answered your question. It was a bit odd to you the way they all froze up.

“Actually… it’s Jungkook’s party…” Lisa finally spoke, her eyes kept trailing away from you.

“What the fuck? Of all places you choose to go you pick him?!” You felt so betrayed.

They really drove you all the way here just to trick you into coming and now you have no escape plan. They all begged and pleaded for you to suck it up and let loose for just one night. You finally agreed but only under the condition that you want to be far away from him as possible.

“Why do you even dislike him so much? You would think he had murdered someone or something!” Your friend asks.

“I just think he’s a pretentious asshole that doesn’t deserve all the hype he gets.”

They just shrug your opinion off and get out the car. You huff as you open the door and head to the party with the rest of them.

You instantly felt claustrophobic once you go inside. There were crowds of people everywhere. Jungkook was right, everyone at the school was practically here. Loud rap music was blaring through the speakers, red solo cups scattered the floor, people getting sloppy drunk or stoned; the perfect stereotypical house party.

You haven’t seen him yet so that was a good sign and you go up to the kitchen to get drinks with Lisa. 20 minutes pass by now and Lisa was left out of your sight. You have no idea where she could’ve run off to and now you have to search the place to find your friends.

Heading outside into the backyard, your balance was becoming unstable from the alcohol in your system. You were taking shots of Hennessy back to back and it caught up to you faster than you could blink. You sat down on one of the lawn chairs since your head was starting to feel really heavy. You felt a sudden tap behind your shoulder and hear a voice that even when you’re drunk, you can sense with disdain.

“Well, well, well if it isn’t little miss ‘i’d never show up to one of your dumb ass parties!’” Jungkook teases while coming from behind you.

“Get the hell away from me!” You lean away from him to leave you alone but he only came closer.

“This is my house so I don’t need to go anywhere, if anything I think I should kick you out for being so mean to me.” His face inched towards yours further, putting you in an uncomfortable position.

You don’t know why your body felt paralyzed though, it was probably just from all the alcohol inebriating your mind.

“You know, I never understood why you actually hate me. I never hurt you did I?” He says, slightly cocking his head to the side.

His tattooed hand landed on your knee, just planting it there while keeping strong eye contact. You couldn’t speak for some reason, it was as if an enormous lump has formed and got caught inside your throat. He looks down at the skirt you’re wearing and bites his lip, playing with his lip ring.

“Why aren’t you talking? You usually have a lot to say to me, why so quiet now sweetheart? Cat got your tongue?” He continues speaking in that condescending tone of his and you’ve had enough now.

“I fucking hate your guts Jungkook, I absolutely despise you. You’re a cocky, perverted fuckboy that needs to be humbled and finally put in your place!” You snap back at him while pushing his hand away.

“Woah girl chill out, that was a bit harsh don’t ya think? Also, I’d love for you to put me in my place any day.” Yet again, he never fails to make a sexually charged comment.

“You’re disgusting, seriously get help!” You attempt to get up from the lawn chair but he pushes you back down.

“You know, I’ve always liked my girls a little feisty. I find it hot when girls yell at me.”

Either this man has a humiliation kink or is just plain stupid— either way you don’t want to be anywhere near him but he wouldn’t let you leave.

“Please just go away Jungkook, I don’t want you in my sight anymore.”

“Really? Because if that were true then you would’ve been left already,” his hand went to stroke the side of your hair “seems like you really don’t want me to leave.”

His other hand went back to your knee again but slowly trails up to your thigh and goes under your skirt this time. You were surprised within yourself that you were even letting this happen. He leans in to your face, being just a few inches away from his lips. You became almost in a trance by those pink, pillowy lips. You don’t know what came over you but you grab his face and messily kiss him. The movement of your lips colliding and syncing together as he deepened the kiss. He sensually touches your thigh while you moan into the kiss and he squeezes your thigh tightly in response. Looking around to see all the people still here when you pull away from him; you can’t fathom you just made out with Jungkook in front of all these goddamn people. You just lost all respect for yourself.

“You know I’ve always secretly had a crush on you y/n?” Jungkook admits, “I kinda like it when girls are mean to me. Or maybe I just like it when you’re mean, I haven’t figured it out yet.”

“Let me show you how mean I can get then.” You reply, staring up at him with hungry eyes.

That cheesy grin never leaving his face as he hears you speak. The tension only grew thicker and he wasn’t about to waste another second.

“Sit on my lap.” He uses his hands to maneuver you and leans back in the chair.

You drunkenly stumble on top of him, feeling him against you. Your body heat raised through the roof but this time you were sure it wasn’t because of the liquor. You straddle his lap as you go back to hastily making out. His wandering hands kept slipping down to your ass to squeeze it and you were starting to feel dizzy from the way he was kissing you. You feel his touch under your skirt to play with you some more, not caring if anyone’s looking at this point.

“I don’t think we should be doing this.. not here at least. Too many people.” You say when pulling away from his lips.

“I really don’t give a fuck, it’s my party let them watch. Let’s put on a good show for everyone, yeah?”

You know this goes beyond against every moral you’ve had before. You’re about to do the one thing you told yourself that you’d never do.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Agreeing to go along with his narrative.

He lets you in charge now, letting you have full control over the way you get to ride him. You push your panties to the side and he undoes his pants to free his fully hard member. You didn’t realize how much of a nice cock he has, it was well groomed and had the perfect size/width.

“You have a really pretty dick, must I say.” You still can’t believe these words are being said to Jungkook.

“Thanks baby, I can’t wait for it to be in that pretty little pussy of yours.”

He drags two of his fingers down to your core and swipes in a circular motion, smearing the wet slick as he watches your mouth open wide with pleasure. His digits sink into your cunt harshly, pushing them deeper and deeper.

“Fuck! Your fingers feel too good…” you hid your face in his shoulder as he splits you open.

Your eyes hung low and your mind was hazy. Unable to think straight, you just wanted to feel Jungkook inside of you already.

“Need to fuck you nowww!” You yell, almost sounding a bit whiny.

“So do it then cutie. Come fuck yourself on my cock.”

He withdraws his digits out of you and licks the juices off them one by one. His grin would only get wider as you lowered yourself on his cock. You were so soaking wet you sunk down on him easily while resting your hands around his shoulders to brace yourself a bit before moving. Once you regain focus you slide up and down on his shaft nice and slow; making him bite his lip, moan, and curse under his breath.

“Your pussy feels so good… so tight… fuck..” his mind was going blank as you pick up a steady pace.

You were so out of it by now that you were bouncing on his cock in a frenzy. He roughly thrusted his hips back into you while you sloppily rode him. The way he filled you up felt like you were in heaven. You open your eyes for a second, forgetting that you were at a party. Almost everyone was looking at you, some people even took out their phones to record the scene in front of them. It was probably all the alcohol you drank but you didn’t even care anymore, you continued savagely riding him. You’re moaning louder as you slam down into him harder, pulling his body closer to yours. He loudly grunts from your walls aching around him, his cock was throbbing so intensely he felt himself wanting to burst already.

People were beyond shocked to see this happening, it was a wild party but they weren’t expecting all this. You try not to pay attention to everyone and focus on Jungkook so you can make yourself cum. Then out of nowhere, he spontaneously lifts you up while you’re still on his cock. Engulfing those large hands on your ass cheeks to keep you balanced and thrusts into you deep while he’s standing up. You had your arms wrapped tightly around him, you weren’t too scared of falling since he had a strong grip on you. You were taking his cock with each harsh stroke he gave, screaming out his name over and over so the whole party could hear it.

“Fuck yes Jungkook! Keep fucking me just like that, you’re so good!!” You could feel yourself coming close and so does Jungkook. Wet strands of sticky hair cling to his face from all the work he’s putting in, his eyebrows furrowed to concentrate solely on making you cum.

“Gonna cum on this cock for me baby? I feel you getter tighter ‘round me.”

“Yess, wanna cum on your cock so bad please!”

He was hitting all the spots in you just right, the slight curve of his shaft fit so perfectly in your core. Your mouth was back to being jaw locked again, feeling the heat wave of your orgasm coming through. It hit even harder when you were drunk, you felt like you were going to fall out of his arms but he noticed you slipping and pulls you up into a firmer grasp. While shutting your eyes you feel your release take over, cursing and moaning his name repeatedly like a broken record.

“I’m ‘bout to cum ….” He pulls out of you and sets you back on the lawn chair, “look up and open wide for me.”

You open your mouth eagerly for him, he gives his cock a few pumps before releasing his white creamy load into your mouth. You swallow every drop of his cum and stick your tongue out for him to show your empty mouth. He smiles at the pretty sight of you and goes in to kiss you once again.

“This is fucking insane!” One of the random people at the party says.

You recognize the person since they’ve been watching you from the start. To say that you and Jungkook left everyone at that party speechless was an understatement.

“You know people were taking videos of us right?” Jungkook says cautiously.

“Yeah… it’s probably going to end up all over social media now, if it hasn’t already. Oh well, like I care!” You shrug nonchalantly.

Oh you’ll definitely care when you sober up.

“Let’s get outta here?” Jungkook zips his pants back up and takes his hand out for you to grab.

You hold onto him and balance your wobbly legs to stand up. You were both severely drunk but he held his liquor way better than you did. For the rest of the night, the party continued and you ended up finding your friends. They soon found out about you were doing and how you fucked Jungkook in front of everyone there, they were all completely taken aback. You went from hating his guts to him destroying yours— guess that’s one way you can end a burning hatred for someone.

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

Mess in Chat >w^

This is an entry for the Sweet Shroud Summer 2024 event held by the lovely @cloudcountry

Content; Gender-neutral reader, fluff, some swearing here and there

Word Count; 1.8 K

Part 2; Mess at Con

Please do not put my work into AI. If you would like to see more of my work check out my masterlist!

Summer was back in full force. Even from within the cold walls and highly air-conditioned hallways of S.T.Y.X. Idia was overheating. He didn’t even have Ortho, since he was powered down to prevent his system from overheating — they both learned that lesson last summer and neither of them were happy not to have the other for three days while Idia was trying to fix him up. So, he was busy typing away at his computer, switching between his actual tasks and the multitude of open tabs that he had open.

Finishing up on reading one of what seemed to be a never-ending pile of reports, Idia took a look at his messages, Mess in Chat >w^ — getting a small smile from the little winky face — and saw that there was a new message … from an hour ago.

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess I’m melting I’ve melted I’m a pool of goop on the floor

Idia tapped his fingers on his keyboard, trying to think of something to say. While he wouldn’t say the two of you were overly friendly, you also weren’t acquaintances. Idia knows that you’re trying to be his friend — dear Sevens, Ortho was so happy when he saw Idia smile at his phone when you messaged him — but it’s hard with being online. 

Would he actually ask to meet in real life? Oh Sevens no! You, the self proclaimed ‘mess’ (Idia wouldn’t even say that you were a mess, just well-meaning and a bit awkward at times) low keyed scared him. Well not actually scare him, but he didn’t want to get too close only for the friendship to blow up in his face.

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess AHA! I CAN SEE THAT YOU’RE ONLINE!

Idia sighed, the jig was up.

Gloomurai I thought you melted into goop Goop can’t type

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess I’ve regained my non-goop form to bug you I’M BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Gloomurai … F

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess DON’T PUT AN F IN THE CHAT WHAT THE HELL … eugh… dying of heatstroke Tell my cat that I love him…. X-X

Idia coughed out a small laugh. He doubted you were as melodramatic IRL as you were online, but it made the monotony of his day — especially now that he didn’t even have the excuse of classes to break it up — a bit better.

Gloomurai You shall be missed CAT CAT PIC PLEASE CAT PIC IN THESE TRYING TIMES

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess … my phone doesn’t have a camera … And he’s on top of the fridge complaining about the heat

Idia sighed, remembering that besides having a laptop for classes, that was the best tech that you had. He remembers you complaining about your lack of funds and your employer. How you managed to balance your job and schooling at the same time baffled and, as you two got closer, worried him.

Gloomurai You really need a better phone

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess I’M A BROKE STUDENT I’M TRYING MY BEST I EVEN HAVE A SECOND JOB

Gloomurai So you’re not only dying of heatstroke but also overworking yourself? F … what’s your second job?

‘WHAT AM I THINKING?! I DON’T KNOW THEM LIKE THAT-’

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess … swan boats …

Gloomurai … swan boats?

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Swan boats.  Even have a silly uniform and everything The pay is decent though, and I only work weekends UNLIKE MY OTHER JOB-

“We’re going to see them, right?” Ortho asked, making Idia jump.

“OrThO-” Idia squeaked, switching tabs at the speed of light, and clearing his throat. “... no”

Ortho looked at Idia, who was smiling a minute ago and was now back to being jumpy. “But-” he paused, looking between the screen and his brother. He knew who Friendly Neighbourhood Mess was — hard not to when you can see the entirety of Night Raven’s search history — but he also knew his brother. “Just know that they enjoy having you as a friend.”

Idia looked back to his screen, knowing you were going on a tirade about your first boss. “They enjoy having Gloomurai as a friend,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Besides,” he looked back at Ortho,”it would be weird for me to just show up.”

“Not if they invite you.~” Ortho chirped, going back to his room since he could feel his systems starting to overheat again. “They’re your friend online… so why not in person too?”

Idia opened up your tab again, and sure enough, you were on a full blown tirade.

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess I SHOULD REPORT HIS ASS BUT THEN I WON’T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE- OH WHEN I GRADUATE HIS ASS IS GRASS I TELL YOU-

Gloomurai I’ll bring you one of those lawnmowers you drive

Friendly Neighbour Mess *sniffles* You’re a true friend

Gloomurai So, about your other job…

‘Come on, think of a believable excuse so you don’t look like a loser. THINK! COME ON BRAIN! BE SMART!’

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Wait Idea

Idia felt his hair warming, but patted it. ‘Get a hold of yourself, it’s just the word idea for Sevens sake!’

I take you for a spin on one of those death traps

Gloomurai I- DEATH TRAPS? NEVERMIND

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Too late >w^ See you Saturday!

Idia stared at his screen for a bit, processing everything. You had invited him to your work. He was going to meet you IRL. He was going to get in a swan boat, like the one you see in cheesy otome cutscenes and animes, and they were, apparently, death traps.

… why was he excited about it then?

…

…

You were at work, giving your best customer service smile and voice to the kids, families, and couples that came up through the line. “Remember folks to keep on your life jackets at all times, and to keep your arms and legs inside the boat at all times! Enjoy your ride!~”

While yes, you did have to wear an all-white uniform complete with a baseball cap with swan wings, it wasn’t half bad. 

The lunch room was always packed with good food, cold drinks, and the comfiest couch you have ever had the pleasure of plopping down into. Sure, it was a bit embarrassing — Ace had nearly laughed his ass off when he saw you in your get up and the fakely sweet smile you gave him — but it was only for this summer, and only for the weekends. Besides, it was cushy and most importantly, not putting your life into peril every five to seven business days when compared to the job that Crowley had given you.

You were already getting into your little monologue that you’re used to saying to customers when you faltered. “Enjoy your- Idia?” You blinked, surprised to see him. You barely got to see him at school, so seeing him here of all places was a shock to put it lightly.

Idia was fidgeting with the zipper of his life jacket and jumped when you said his name. ‘Y/N? The Ramshackle prefect-’ “... hi?”

“Hi,” you say back. “Umm, sorry, but there has to be two people to a boat,” you say sheepishly.

Idia jumps a bit and accidentally zips some of his hair in the zipper. “I was waiting for a friend…” he mutters, “they, uh, work here?”

You pause and your eyes widen. “YOU!”

“Me?!” Idia blinked rapidly. “Wait, you?!” Idia put the pieces together.

The lamenting about your first job. The complaints about your cat stealing your food. The silly uniform for your second job — which is silly, but you make it work. And the way you spoke online matched how you spoke with your IRL friends.

“You’re Friendly Neighbourhood Mess-”

“You’re Gloomurai!”

You both say it at the same time. You offer him a bright smile before saying something quietly into your walkie-talkie and putting on a bright yellow life jacket.

“Well,” you chuckle, “good thing you have a friend that’s willing to get on one of these death traps with you then!”

Idia let you take the lead before stumbling into the boat. “You probably shouldn’t call these ‘death traps’ since you work here,” he offered lightly.

You helped stabilize him since he was struggling to stand due to the light waves. “Well, they are, my land-loving friend.”

Idia sat down quickly, trying not to get flustered by the skin contact but failing. “Then I p-probably shouldn’t be on here, should I?”

“Nope,” you popped the p at the end and started moving the boat with the hand pedals. “But it takes two people to move these things.”

Idia started pedalling with you, and despite his fears of you wanting to make idle small talk, you didn’t. Instead, you pointed out some favourite spots and allowed him to contribute to the conversation at his own pace. Even though it idled here and there, it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable.

When you sailed (can it even be called sailing when it’s a swan boat?) under the canopy of a weeping willow, you spoke again. “So, why did you agree to meet me? Let alone in one of these?”

Idia looked at you again, the dappled lighting blocking out the heat of the sun, yet he felt warmer now than before. “I don’t know, just,” he breathed in, centring himself, “I guess I wanted to spend time with a friend.” He smiled then, it was a small thing, but it was genuine. “Also,” he coughed, “you lied about the death trap part about this whole thing.”

You laughed, shaking the boat a little. “Oh it is, if not physically, then, reputation-wise. Death to social life via swan boat.”

Idia snorted. ‘Well, good thing that I don’t … didn’t have one then.’ “Good thing there’s someone who knows what they’re doing then… you do know what you’re doing, right?”

You shrugged, “I have a certificate if that eases your mind a bit.”

And the two of you continued paddling away, chatting here and there before heading back to the dock where a few of your coworkers gave the both of you thumbs-ups and winks. Idia felt himself go warm, whereas you rolled your eyes at them before helping Idia out.

“If you don’t mind, want to do this again?” You asked, undoing your lifejacket, looking expectantly towards him.

Idia fumbled with his own before you helped him out. “... that would be fun,” he smiled.

You smiled back, patted him on the shoulder as he walked away, and went back to greeting customers again.

Idia was happy about how today went, even though he would wake up a lovely shade of lobster red tomorrow and a very curious Ortho, but for the first time in a while, he was looking forward to summer vacation, and having some of it be outside of his computer screen. And, most importantly, have a friend that he didn’t feel like he had to be someone else with.

~~~~~~~

Tags; @afunkyfreshblog, @bloomstruck, @edith-is-a-cat, @eynnwwyjth, @inkybloom-luv, @ithseem, @lucid-stories, @syrenkitsune, @the-v-lociraptor, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii

[cherryfennec]

Okay I love your most recent art work of Mario and Mr. L!!! I’m just curious how on earth did you draw their hats so well?? Especially the brim of their hats?! Hats are the one thing I struggle with when drawing them! I can’t make it look believable!

Hi! First of all thank you for the kind words, I'm glad you like the art! Now as for hats (more specifically Mario and Luigis type) there can be different ways you might go about drawing them.

(I should probably mention at the beginning that I am not an expert and sometimes struggle myself as well. Despite this I'll try my best to explain how I usually approach it.)

Let's start with brims because they seem the most problematic (as I see it.)

What I'm going to talk about might already be intuitive for a lot of people, including myself, however I thought it'd be a good idea to break down the mindset so everyone is on the same page and those who have trouble seeing it can hopefully understand stuff better.

First it's obviously the idea. No real details, just the general idea. With it we'll be able to establish the basic rules for what you're drawing, most importantly the angle and perspective.

Now this is going to be pretty self explanatory but: if I'm drawing a character looking up I know that the bottom of the brim will be visible, if the characters looking down it won't and etc. An easy way to check which parts of the brim will be visible from a specific view point is to imagine it as a slab.

Now this isn't anything mind blowing, I know, but saying this out loud can be handy and save you some overthinking.

Alright, let's talk about the hat itself now!

In most of the pictures I could find of the bros hats they're divided into two parts: the front, which is taller and slightly spiked up, and the back, which is noticeably shorter. Now this kinda goes back to the idea of simplifying shapes:

At some point it unfortunately becomes rather difficult to explain why some stuff is drawn the way it is because it's kinda justified by: "that's how the real life counterparts act". Above everything I highly recommend references, both irl and ingame ones. It's not embarrassing to use them, trust me, no one will criticise you and they'll help!

Now that we got the brim and the hat, let's put the two together!

There isn't really a strict order of how you should draw things, everyone has different preferences and processes which should be taken into consideration. For example, I personally like to draw the entire head before I touch on the cap:

(I added the hair and colours for the sole purpose of this post, this process is usually done during rough sketching.)

This way I have a point of reference where the brim ends (right before the ear for me) and where I should place the middle line on the cap (it's a bit of a stylistic choice than anything but it also lets me know where the fold will be). You can find your own way and make your own rules and with time the process will get much easier! I hope this somewhat helps.

Just practice, have patience, experiment and most importantly: have fun!

[smolvenger]

In A World of Boys, He's a Gentleman (Professor! Tom Hiddleston x Reader blurb)

Summary: Collapsing into tears after a hellish week, your professor boyfriend confesses he loves you.

Warnings: cursing, some work problems (I may have used some of my irl experiences in here, oops) Reader liking Romantasy books, but other than that, some hurt/comfort and lots of fluff!

A/N: I decided to leave it ambiguous if Reader is a student or not, so that is personally up to you. From @holdmytesseract's request for the birthday blurbs! Thanks for your patience!

Word Count: >2K

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter @mischief2sarawr

If the past week was purgatory, then today was utter hell.

Everything in your life was driving you so busy, you felt both stasis and panic at once. You got so distracted that you would zone out on your phone closing and reopening the same apps for hours. Then at work, people were driving you up a wall. Because you were a good employee who had to get things done in the order and way they trained you or else…less got done. The impossibility of productivity crept on you. Minutes became hours. You had to argue with someone in a conversation that should have been four minutes but lasted eight because she would not shut up, kept repeating the same things over and over, would rarely let you speak and when you did, never replied or added onto your responses. On top of that, your body decided that the buttcrack dawn of morning when it was still dark was a good time to be awake. And impossible to drift back to sleep even when you took cold medicine. Which then made you exhausted at work.

Thank god for your professor boyfriend.

He was your light in the midst of all this. You had dated for some time, and even the sight of him putting on glasses in a nice suit as he headed off ofr work still made you tingly inside. He would leave you little gifts at your place- flower bouquets, cupcakes, and the like. You were at a point where you didn’t have to have romantic dates all the time. You were now just in his place. Just hanging out. Simple as that. 

You could be quiet and not interact every second. As cats parallel played you could just be in comfortable silence together. Especially when it came reading- for you had something of a silent book club. You both turned off your phones and would sit devouring book after book. 

He was a Literature professor, so it was in his nature. It seemed though sometimes he was never off the clock!  He even challenged you- it was one thing that drew you to daring him. He was smart enough- he respected you as an intelligent being in your own right but was able to have questions and discussions. It was the academia in him. It made you grow into wanting to be a better person for him…and he for you.

Though today, your stress, anxiety, and semi insomnia was creeping up on you. You sat on the brown chair and he on his sofa. There was the same book in your hands. He was already rubbing a finger over his lips, pressing his glasses close. Enchanted by the spell words made. It was a well-reviewed piece of literature that won awards and was featured on the official lists of esteemed journals. He recommended this title to you and you were both reading it. 

As you sat with your own copy that he leant you, you cracked open the stiff spine from it’s newness and began to read…

You were spacing out on the first chapter. It was dense, poetic, and beautiful….but you had no idea what the heck was going on.

After a few more pages, it was starting to get sad.

What was it with these books? And it was not cheery- Was high literature just sad things happening like people having affairs on their wives or committing abuse or doing drugs or going to war or just being awful with no repercussions?

With a sigh, you reached into your bag and pulled out a different book- an escapist, spicy romantasy that all the girls on social media were losing their minds over. You replaced the high literature book, setting it down quietly, and opened it. Tom was so engrossed in the book he didn’t notice. You didn’t want him to notice.

You found this time you were understanding the words in front of you. And you found yourself drawn. Was it the best piece of literature to be studied in a professors class in the future? Hell no. But you were here for a good time, not a long time. And not to study human nature deeply, but to be in a different world, where you had a different name, a different look, and different problems, but far more magical and exciting than everything crashing down in your dull, grey reality. One where your clothes were beautiful with corsets and fine fabric instead of just jeans. One where you would have a sword with a name then a smartphone that sucked all of your free time. One where you could be a princess, a queen, an assassin, a fae lady, a vampire, a pirate, a goddess, a duchess… anything other than plain old you in a plain old life at a plain old job.

Tom looked up. He then eyed over your cover and back at you.

You looked up at him and grimaced. Then you shoved the book back into your bag.

“Please! Don’t judge me!” you cried.

“Why would I judge you?” he asked.

You gestured over to the book in his hands.

“I’m reading this silly trash book and you have all of your fine literature!” you cried.

He set his own copy down, but his blue eyes softened.

“My dear…Is something up?” he asked.

He knew you well enough he could tell the signs.

“Yes, my day was hell! It was this and this and this and…I try to handle it but..I’m overwhelmed so I can’t…I really can’t…I’m not even smart enough to read this book, because I try and try but I just can’t understand this stuff and I can’t get into it, like you…I’m an idiot…”

You burst into tears, and he came over, hugging and kissing your head in little pecks. 

“No…darling, no…” he murmured.

You leaned into his arms. You found yourself vneting and complaining the suffering long inside you.

“I know…I’m a mess…” you sobbed out. “And there was a lady at work who’s a bitch, and my job is so hard, and I can’t sleep at night…it’s just…I wish I could be smarter, nicer, better for you Tom, but…”

“How do you take tea?” he asked.

Looking up, you wiped your tears with your sleeve and answered him.

He made it for you the way you liked. It was the prettiest mug- white with bluebell flowers painted on it.  And returned with it. You sipped at it, it was perfect in it’s flavor and so warm, you felt it melt inside you. You placed both hands around it- science said it was like receiving a hug. Feeling the warmth inside and outside as you looked up at him. 

He scooted himself to be close, a gentle smile on his face and one of his large, beautiful hands rubbing your forearm in comfort.

“I know I’m a mess.” you said.

“I like you as a mess.”

You began to blink at him.

“No, I…but I’m…I’m trying, but I just…I know I complain and I read trashy books and I call people bitches and all that, you can say it, Tom. It’s the truth,” you replied.

“Set your drink down,” he requested.

You complied.

He cupped your face. A gasp aired itself in your throat. 

“My dear, you are perfect as you are. A mess, broken, crying…and I want nothing else than to be with you.” he confessed.

You nearly dropped your jaw.

“That’s…a…you’re saying that…”

“Well…I…yes, I never thought I’d run into someone like you, who’d change everything. Why should I care if you feel upset sometimes like every human being  or what you read to make you happy or that things aren’t always wonderful…I…I love you….there, I said it.”

Love. The little word that changed everything. And it was the first time he said it. It was…unspoken. Something you both felt for the long months you dated, but never confirmed. And here it was, materialized and as present as the furniture and mugs and books, for it was just as real.

“I love you too, Tom.”

You embraced him tight, and he embraced back. He then pressed his forehead to yours, squeezing hands.

He then let go, looking down at your mug.

“Here…your tea will get cold…” he said, offering the drink back to you.

“And…my book….” you murmured.

“Oh, I have no problems with you reading it with me! If it’s that good, I’ll make you another cup of tea and get us some biscuits as well! Then you must tell me all about it!” He gave a little laugh. “Who knows, I may even try it myself someday!”

Smiling with him, you gave him a kiss on his cheek. Then, you settled into cuddling him, sipping your tea and enjoying both of your books in a moment of pure bliss.

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[snarky-art]

Worst couple you know

Figuring out some Eraklyon stuff rn

Info on some fashion and cultural notes as well as general outline for where Eraklyon is situationally at the start of my rewrite:)

Tl;dr tho: it’s a hellscape lol

Traditionally feminine clothes have rounder gems.

Traditionally masculine clothes have more angular cut gems.

Red is the color of power so the Emperor must always wear it.

Asymmetry is big in style right now and so are pearls. Jewel and pastel tones are the norm for high fashion and the wealthy with most of the nobility sticking only to jewel tones.

The orange gem present in Erendor’s crown and outfit is their most common jewel on their planet.

Lots of golden and coppery color ores and unique rock types there.

The green gem is cut into an octagon to represent the entire Magical Realm, green for the concept of life energy of other beings. Only the Emperor and next in line for the throne may wear green gems in that cut.

The orange color from their gem is claimed to be a sign The Great Dragon blessed them, and they are above the concept of life, that they are a power all their own. The diamond shape is to represent their rigidity in customs and categorization which they claim has lead them to their (once) great power and expanse over everything, the green octagon included as a sign that they reach to and claim power over all in the 8 realms, the rulers of a mighty empire that will one day encompass everything.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out and they only have direct rule of Dyamond and whatever planet I’m having Samara be from (might be Dyamond too, am unsure rn) and have an excellent alliance with Solaria through its Imperialist faction. That’s about it though. They’re considered a Pillar of The Magical Realm because of their industrial prowess but even that is being diminished in its qualifications as magical culture as a whole is redefining what that looks like and means and as other planets are finding more effective or enjoysnle methods for things in ways that aren’t relevant at all to how Eraklyon would go about it. Eraklyon is also trying to push production on mining up through overworking their people to an insane degree and demanding things get done faster and as a result are producing lower quality product. Their whole socioeconomic culture right now is just Late Stage Capitalist Hell Scape.

To top it off, even back when they were still an actively growing empire, Domino was actually trying to get them to stop with using The Great Dragon in the name of their conquests since Domino was starting to work on reparations for the horrors they’d committed in the past right before it fell.

After it’s fall, Eraklyon used that event as a propaganda to say it was proof they were meant to rule after all and that they would be the ones to show The Magical World what needed to be done. Insert an increase in power and claims over planets for about 200 years, and then a steady decline of power followed by a huge dip in the last 150 years.

Eraklyon is a grossly Patriarchal society that holds a lot of views that are directly anti egalitarian in every way it can be in a culture.

A man (very rigid binary structure too with sex and gender being treated as the same thing. Think our current irl world basically. Like our world, the people are getting more and more sick of it, especially since pretty much all the rest of The Magical Realm is like “that’s a really stupid thing to reinforce so harshly and punish people who don’t fit that construct.” More backlash and pushing for it to change from the public, which isn’t vibing with the elites since the government is already in such a precarious position in terms of its power) must rule. A bride must be taken from off planet as a way to strengthen their Empire.

Green is a color of conquest due to its association with The Magical Realm as a whole, so the Empress is always adorned in it since she is a conquest in and of itself. A selection of gems are also chosen by the council of the royal court that they deem suitable for the bride to choose as her identifier when she becomes Empress. Samara was only given green ones to choose from due to the desperate need to try and reinforce strength and power through conquest, which once again she as the bride is a symbol of. Their Empire is basically no more. They are grasping at straws and the bride being used as a propaganda piece is already the norm so it’s whatever they might as well ramp it up. They also tote her red hair as a way to show that The Dragon still favors them, sending her their way, the fire of It present and on display, and even redder than that of the last Queen of Domino. Samara is proof that they can conquer anything, even The Great Dragon, if the people remain loyal to The Crown and The Empire.

Along with The Eraklyon Empire being in ruin, empires themself are very few and overall wildly shunned by the general public, Eraklyon and Solaria being some of the last notable ones, and even then just barely one at all, still using the term as a way to pretend they are still formidable and far reaching in their power.

[arcadia345]

The Natal Astrology chart of Jeon-Jungkook

‼️🔞🔞🔞 not a real astrologer just my observations :) paid readings

Born in Busan, South Korea on Monday Sept. 1st 1997 at 3:23pm

ASC: Capricorn 6°

the first thing to stand out on him appearance wise would be his hands and arms, shoulders, teeth, hair, legs and thighs, but especially his torso! With his dreamlike and eccentric presence they didn’t take him seriously Saturn influence but as time passed and he worked on his crafts and himself everyone seen him as the star he is. Capricorns are known for having to mature quicker than others because of responsibilities. As a cap rising with Uranus and Neptune in the first just like him I KNEW he was a Capricorn bc of how his nose has always been prominent throughout his life but now he’s grown up/ into his features 🥹 and also how everyone always projecting (Neptune)onto him like???? Like when did he tell you this?? Definitely the dissociation king 👑. Very easy to dream about him I feel😭 he brings out our subconscious desires. His rebellious Uranus side popped out when he came out with his piercings and tats you could tell he was tired of being projected onto but also iconic because he’s kinda like the first A-list K-pop idol (bts in general tho)to go out of social norms appearance wise. In a way they kinda broke a generational curse 🥹 I remembered how he said he got the scar on his cheek because he was fighting with his brother which correlates to his Aries Saturn (his chart ruler) in the 3rd(siblings). Style wise he gets bored quickly so he’d like to switch up his appearance often. Most of the time he’d go for comfortable but still fashionable clothing, like you may see him in a chill outfit but it’ll cost more than ur rent💀. He could like to switch it up with odd/bold/flirty colors & fits but mostly he loves his darker colors like grey and black.

2nd house: Aquarius 14°

Lemme tell y’all right now…. This man is WIERD at heart🤣🤣 like he’s genuinely quirky lol it’s not a front like fr he’s so down to earth it’s crazy🥹 also his whole chart points to being very spiritual? esp with that 8th house stellium like he’s very into expanding his mind in any way possible so his could be heavily gifted and in pretty sure he knows this by now. He definitely ask himself “why me?”all the time like what did he do to end up so blessed/different?. He definitely would’ve had money regardless of fame as long as he stays true to himself and learns to give enough without being taken advantage of. He loves watching television/listening to music to pass the time. (Any other Neptune in 1st feel like they were raised by television??) Jupiter is all about indulging so in the 2nd house he loves all the simple pleasures, he LOVES FOOD like omg & nice clothes and smells everything that makes you feel good, he likes to collect things that’ll make you go????🤨😃 also he’s DEFINITELY CHRONICALLY ONLINE AND STALKING US BUT HE CANT HELP IT he’s just really nosey lmao😂. He’s the type of celeb to be like “I’m bored, what are my fans doing?” Like omg pookie you genuinely curious what I’m up to??? I feel so special😭 he feels his real persona can come out online better than irl? I think it’s a shyness thing.

ꪔ̤̥ Now since he grew up in the spotlight please take into consideration since bts is his 2nd family a lot of the things I discuss would include them especially 3rd and 4th house but I’ll just call them family also

3rd house: Pisces 23°

First off we already know how dreamy and passionate he is when it comes to his communication skills, in school years he could’ve been the kid nobody noticed in class, also bullying could’ve been a issue, the type to sleep through class, also his siblings could be talented as well, he/they could have many secrets they share between each other. I’m getting that it could be hard for him to remember his upcomings sometimes because like it genuinely flew over his head💀 like yes he was there but he wasn’t there mentally sometimes lol same. Saturn in this house his siblings/ family were strict on him he could be shy when it comes to expressing his emotions like it’s hard to just pinpoint one emotion when you feel everything all at once so that could discourage him from expressing himself. Also he could’ve been lied to /left out often and didn’t even know it omg😭 now don’t get me wrong even tho a lot of things fly past his head he’s VERY MUCH self aware he just doesn’t care fr💀 also since his 3rd house ruler is in the 1st the scenario that comes to mind is like someone seeing your sibling out and public and the first thing they ask is “where’s your brother(Jk)?” Saturn can represent the father and discipline🥺 trying not to cry while type this) him and his siblings went through a lot of difficult times together but also they taught him so much he has sooo much respect for them he knows he wouldn’t be the same person today without them omg like they really raised him🥺🥺😭

4th house: Aries 26°

Now he could’ve had an erratic home life he could’ve moved around a lot & moved far away at a young age since Venus is in the 9th. There is a lot of mars masculine energy here so he likes chaos/excitement in his home also lots of sporty/action stuff around the house I feel like when he first met bts it was like his first taste of freedom in a way. I tell ya rn there was never a dull moment where he lived lol. Him and his family were always in competition with someone they had to fight for their place. Struggle wise at times he could’ve been FIGHTING for his life lots of arguments and aggression (which makes sense since they said they didn’t really get along at first)but with the Taurus degree there was definitely struggles with money and food / stability and personal possessions which drove him to work even harder. His 4th house ruler being in the 10th is giving I grew up at work😟😔

5th house: Taurus 22°

Firstly he’d be such a great dad 🥺 a really funny one too 😂 . His flirting style is not flirting at all😎 well kinda he’s more of gift giving person. His love language is genuinely opening up to you because he barely gets to do that fr, for Capricorns that’s a big thing. Things like showing you the most simple smallest things that means sm to him🥹🥹 to things he created. also food is big to him like the key to his heart actually, that man loves his food! be ready to be wined and dined and spoileddd. He loves traveling, dancing, music, philosophies & beautiful things so he’ll want to get your input on almost everything he wants to pick your brain lol. Also he’s really clingy that’s important to him physical touch but he really doesn’t open up much because he knows he has a lot to lose so he definitely isn’t a fling type of guy he likes to build a foundation with someone unless it’s like a one time thing out of the country where he knows he’ll probably never see you again so might as well act on his instincts. He could be into choking/restrictions, taboos, spontaneity, feet??? One of his erotic zones is his neck. Also his siblings influence his creativity heavily because he knows they know what’s best for him. What he considers as fun is eating😭😭👀 playing some games, cooking, listening to his fav music, drinking, cleaning doing laundry like he’s such a simple man that a good day for him would be staying home all day 😂

6th house: Gemini 14°

He’s very versatile he likes learning he hungers for knowledge. He keeps a strict routine but still likes to switch it up cause he gets bored easily. He was very young when he started working and also he was one of the youngest of his peers so Gemini here makes sense also as he is naturally curious he likes working with his peers/ siblings and unique personalities. He likes traveling also and trying the different types of food they have and shopping there also he obviously spoils his pets feeds them the best food keeps them well groomed, it’s in a mutable sign so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had many types of animals but he’ll want to cuddle a lot with them so idk if he’ll be keen to reptilians with such a busy career atm. He’ll also be very vocal with them they could know a lot of tricks that he taught them. He’d like to travel with them also if he has the chance to, Taurus in his 5th he loves to dress them up and pamper them, wouldn’t be surprised if he was having danceoffs against them lmao 😂

7th house: Cancer 6°

Let me tell you something…. This is HUSBAND MATERIAL RIGHT HERE. The type to be like “I can fix them.” Cause he loves a challenge but he’d actually be able to fix them ngl😭. But first let’s get into how other people perceive him on a 1-1 basis. Now with both these planets being in the 8th it’s very evident that they’d want to jump his bones/ spiral into obsession/ an awakening after meeting him. People naturally spill their hearts out to him, definitely a trauma dumping placement. Ofc people are gonna baby him it’s like he brings out people’s maternal instincts they just wanna keep him safe🥹 but this is also how he treats everyone, with genuine love and respect❤️ also he could get shy easily like the bunny Thumper from Bambi 🥹

8th house: Leo 14°

Okay now bare with me on this one because it’s hard to really understand stelliums if you don’t have one in ur chart, but what I’ve noticed is no matter what they seem to get put in situations that correlate with the house the stellium is in, which causes them to focus on the opposite house to balance the energy’s out. Now first off this man has some HEAVY good karma from the past life he honestly deserves every abundant thing that comes to him x2. As you know he is very keen on perfectionism and order, I refuse to believe he wasn’t some cult leader /powerful witch or something in the past life. Especially a VIRGO stellium in the 8??!!? He was/is a natural born healer 🥹🥹 no doubts about it especially with his moon at a 0° so the moon is in its pure element no matter the sign he’s here to experience those raw emotions. I’ve never met someone with their moon degree at 0 cause its hard to find but i had a manager that had a cancer Venus 0° and when I tell you she made me feel soo special 🥹🥹 like you can feel how genuine she is she loved giving gifts and making sure everyone was okay like the energy was so PURE and innocent in a way it reminds me of jungkook and his acts of service . Also which is why I get why everyone thought he was a Leo moon cause he is in sidereal Astro but I don’t get that egoistic attitude from him if anything it’s the opposite. I don’t want this section to be too long so I’ll move on to his pleasures😈 he’s into praising, teasing, creampies, being rough, nipple play, playful banter, degrading, car s*x, breast/chest, backshots, anal, heavvvy on oral and hand play the type to tie you up 😳 he could possibly be LGBTQ+ friendly if ykwim since he has prominent Aquarius and Virgo is a mutable sign known for their curiosity and versatility, and yk Virgos are obsessed with perfection and cleanness so I’m assuming he likes to get extra messy and wet during the act and he’s not finished with you till you BOTH climax he refuses to be known for bad s*x😤 he likes to make a scene/put on a show. But like I said earlier with his moon and mercury conjunct he needs a strong emotional and mental connection with you before he does anything. His 8th house is so interesting I could go on and on but no😏

9th house: Virgo 23°

Jungkook is very sharp when it comes to the 9th and 8th house since they’re very important in fulfilling his life purpose. In later years school people could’ve seen him as perfect in a way very organized and on point probably a teachers pet or honestly it could’ve been the other way around 😹 ofc half the class had some type of crush on him or was just naturally curious about him but still with that Pisces degree he lowkey didn’t care to be there in a way he probably was absent often but the teachers didn’t care cuz hello??? It’s jk.🥴 Let’s not forget his Libra Venus is in this house as well so he’s natural charming without trying esp to foreigners (9th). He has a strong connection to his past life so I’m thinking he’s like a green witch in a way? Like healing/manifesting when cooking or in nature around plants and animals, singing or just by listening to someone who needs to vent or vise versa. When he travels he needs EVERYTHING to be clean and in place to make sure him and his people are safe bc if not he’ll spiral also he could get jet lagged easily but by now he probably has a routine that helps with that. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if he got married to a foreigner, someone in his circle that he’s known for a long time. Ngl I have Libra 19° in 9th and I tend to get reallly curious when I travel ifykwim 🥴🫣 I really like to experience the people aswell as the location that I’m in to get the full experience. Also with the Pisces degree he’s more likely to do substances like 🚬 and drinking when he’s with his siblings/cousins/ traveling

Mc : Libra 26°

His mother has a heavy Venus influence on him, I’m getting his family altogether was close-knit growing up. He’s known for his worldwide aesthetics, and basically being perfect boyfriend/husband material. Hes known to be easily loved by many, but he’ll mostly be know for the pain he’s experienced, his healing abilities, and his versatility in skills. His Chiron is in this house so most of his pain comes from the industry he’s in, authority, and his public image, with it being at a 29° his ego can hurt him the most😳 which is why I don’t understand why people would get that cocky vibe from him other than his mars. With a Scorpio mars here he’ll also be known as a big sex symbol/someone who brings strong reactions out of people. Since it’s also the ruler of his 11th house so he’ll be known for his viscous and obsessive fans especially online. He’s prone to getting many stalkers/sesangs with how heavy his 10th and 11th house is with Scorpio energy and peers see him as competition even though they see he’s not a malicious person. On the positive side tho he’ll have the ability to feel & see what goes unseen, people’s hidden motives and desires, and so will his fans!! Iykyk👀 Also mars represents passions and pleasure so he could have a thing for love at the workplace, maybe into older/mature people or power play. He could have a porn addiction, definitely into some kinky 💩 with that Aquarius degree. yall plz don’t cancel me I’m just reading his chart. 😭

11th house: Scorpio 22°

His internet presence with have good longevity, this house has to do with our wishes, I’ve been saying I really feel like he did something in the past life to “seal the deal” fame wise because that’s what his chart is giving doesn’t necessarily mean he did something bad but there was definitely intentional manifestation there. Esp with the kill or be killed degree here you don’t have room for mistakes. Yall this man is a stalker big timmme like he stalks us reallll bad but also so does his fans 😹😹 it’s definitely a 2-way street I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a spam twitter account to watch us start army wars💀. If you have Pluto in 11th you know how hard it is NOT to stalk people online😩??? I don’t even care about the people I stalk I’m just nosey asf lmao. His Pluto is at 2° so he could get a lot of gifts from seasangs esp food and material things I’ve heard him speak on these topics also. They’ll try to expose him for having fun since Taurus is in his 5th house,ie while out at restaurants, shopping, his creative endeavors, his love life, or just when he’s at his most comfortable, and children.(Omg? The way that sesang incident with Enwoo just happened right after I typed this wth😳)He understands how crucial his privacy is for his protection so he’ll choose not to post as much. He’s the friend in the group with the silent power/ magneticistm, he prefers to befriend people who understands his deep emotions, friends that have also went through traumatic experiences, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was apart of a online community secretly so he can feel normal for once. Also he’s known as the sexy emo friend lmao with the cool tats and piercings that smokes cigarettes to look cool 😎 he also prefers to befriend people who look like this also

12th house: Sagittarius 14°

Sag in your chart is where your blessings are & what you’re optimistic about. Also where you tend to be a little pessimistic. Sagittarius reminds me of the feeling a sugar rush/liqour gives you, while Capricorn reminds me of the come down afterwards regretting all the decisions you made and how you’ll never do it again. Like I’ve said this whole time he is spiritually gifted and he has strong connection to his past life. He has a lot of Deja vu moments, the things/hobbies he loved then he loves in this life also it brings him a lot of fulfillment. He’d prefer to be in solitude than to be around people but his Jupiter is in Aquarius so this part is a bit odd… he’s comfortable having cameras around when he’s secluded esp with friends but in public??? He hates it especially when he’s not with anyone he knows I think he has social anxiety 🥺 could’ve been overweight in the past life that’s probably where his love for food comes from, he’ll be blessed with assets abroad from his homeland. He could look really similar to what he did in the past life I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a bunny or something.

ꪔ̤̥ That’s it for now till next time❤️ check back for updates

[bao3bei4]

ON THE TSHIRT METHOD TO WRITING ESSAYS IN YOUR OWN TIME: 

i have had a couple people mention to me that they would like to write essays too, but they are a little out of practice. so i thought i should gather some scattered thoughts into one place. this is not a systematic guide. i am young and inexperienced and still working out things for myself, but this is my basic process and some things that have helped me, summarized. 

my biggest single piece of advice is to write with your proverbial pussy. you are not writing for a grade so don't act like it. forget rigor, forget academic style, etc. read what you're interested in, and write following up on the threads that you're interested in. don’t sweat the details. just do you.

if you still need more advice..... here’s a long winded post. 

step zero: if you have no clue what you want to say yet 

read. and read a lot.

but be realistic. be kind to yourself. your attention is a precious resource, and it is getting eaten up by shit out of your control all the time. if you’ve had a busy day, you may still have the brain power left to read. i almost never do. lol. so make sure to carve out time on a day off, if possible. otherwise you might end up completely fried, reading the same sentence over and over, and ending up scrolling on your phone LMAO. <-- painful lesson also to this end, if you haven’t picked up a denser book in a while, start with shorter articles, especially ones written more recently. if your attention wanders, try getting a physical book instead. the most important thing is just starting things you’ll actually read.  i’ve seen a lot of people (and been that person) who was like. “oh i’m going to start with THE canonical text in a subject i’m interested in” which makes sense right? but that book is inevitably long and dense and convoluted and boring. you can come back to it later. this shouldn’t feel like a chore! 

genuinely this is the most helpful thing you can do is just. read anything. it may be difficult at first (or always), but it is still the easiest way to engage with the foremost experts from around the world and the entirety of written history on any subject you are interested in. there’s not really a substitute to this. 

note: you may say that people can and do come up with brilliant ideas independently of their access to written works. this is true! but if you are one of them, you should skip this section/post, because you already know what you want to say.  okay that was a little too facetious. let me revise: when i say that, without reading, it will be hard to come up with more complex ideas than what you have now, that isn’t necessarily pejorative. maybe your current ideas and impulses are original and meaningful and complex. if they aren’t, however, you don’t have to resign yourself to it.  your experiences in real life are the most valuable thing you can bring to the table, but it can be very difficult to articulate and contextualize them without community—whether that be irl, or the simple textual company of other writers. you can let other people help you and teach you.  basically, this is a long winded way of saying something extremely simple: reading is not the only way to gain knowledge, or even the best. but it is an extremely consistent and relatively egalitarian way.** **scihub and libgen and sometimes the public library are your friends. (my local library’s book coverage is spotty) who cares about piracy. LMAO. 

you may surprise yourself by how nicely you fall into little spirals. you read one thing. and you are enamored with the way the author approaches their subject. so you end up reading everything else they’ve written, and then you start on the authors they list that inspire them in their interviews. maybe you just read one article that’s a little dry but it cites something else that seems far more interesting. read that next. and so on. 

if you are struggling to read that’s okay. you have options. start a book club (or just get a friend who also wants to read more). if that sounds like too much work, pick a friend to keep updated on all your new facts. you just want to get used to reading something, and telling someone your favorite parts again. skim books. skip the boring parts. drop them entirely and find a more interesting one. no one’s going to quiz you. this is for your own enjoyment. 

also important here: read books that make you want to write. sometimes this is because the methods and/or prose of the author are so exciting, you want to do something just like that. sometimes it’s because the content is so exciting, you want to say something about that too. sometimes they speak so powerfully to your own life, you want to tell people this is me!! i see this!! there are books i just enjoy reading, sure, and i do read them. but you know how, like, a good movie makes you want to tell stories too? good theory should do that too, in my opinion. 

step one: you have some ideas now. 

these ideas don’t have to be set in stone. but you should have an idea now of what you might talk about. personally, for me, i have two interconnected types of essay ideas. 

interventions. this is like [tumblr voice] Why Is Nobody Talking About This. i see some sort of hole. maybe i know how to fill it, maybe i don’t. 

free associations. basically i read one thing, or some analysis of one thing. and then it reminded me of another thing. and i’m like. i want to tease apart their connections, their similarities, and their differences. 

there are more types of ideas, i’m sure. but these are the ones i consistently have. with me, the second kind is more common. very rarely do i find that my thoughts are that original. rather, i’ve found that one of my strengths as a writer is being able to make connections that other people haven’t made, or haven’t made in depth before. IN MY OPINION. 

so i find it quite flexible. maybe i watch a movie, and it reminds me of my own life, because i think two women in the movie could be sad queer freaks. and i’m a sad queer freak. or it could be that i think scum villain could be analyzed through the framework of freudian psychoanalysis. you get the idea. 

at this stage of the process, i don’t have a thesis, necessarily. but i have a couple phrases i’m drawn to. i have a bullet point or two. i have vibes. 

to use an example from this blog, one of my friends hui once mentioned that that one fan image was going around again. we were going ughhh it’s victorian not chinese! together and they said “you should write a meta on it.” i wasn’t sure quite yet what i had to say. but i knew a couple things. 

this is, incidentally, because i had done some research into chinoiserie before, because i had cited the zuroski book for a paper i had to write for an english class some years before on pride and prejudice and its use of descriptions of material culture, an essay that in turn was inspired by my random yet deeply felt conviction that jane austen hated me personally and wanted to kill me.  this is why i encourage reading a lot. i think. 

to work on this stage, make lists. lots of them. i have a .txt file where i keep every essay idea i have. a lot of them are a sentence. or they're lists of books or theorists i think i could make something out of. or they're theses that feel true, but i’m not sure why yet. 

it took me a while to get to this point. just like with writing fic, there was a period when i first started where i was like. i only have one idea. i’m going to write it, and then i’m never going to write again. and then i had just one more idea. after a while. eventually you will find you have so many ideas and the world is full of possibilities. it’s a muscle you have to flex. like reading. and telling people about what you’re reading. 

actually, i feel like there was a step 0.5 here that i completely skipped. 

step zero point five that i skipped: how to generate ideas

my very truly complete “first time writing something semi-academic that was original” (with a loose definition of the word original) was literally just me reading literary criticism of one book, and saying “i think this author’s thoughts can be applied to this other book” and found some textual evidence that supported that the process could be replicated. 

this is like, writing with training wheels on. eventually i got better at it (see aforementioned chinoiserie essay. i hope you agree.). but that was a good place to start for me. it made the proverbial blank page less intimidating, knowing i had a scaffolding. 

i suggest trying this. see how it goes for you. read around until you find some piece of criticism, or just some theory about how something works, that you like. and using your newfound hammer, go look for some nails. 

note: i know this expression is meant to like. be a negative thing. but you do have to start somewhere. it’s okay if it sucks. it’s just for your practice and your enjoyment. 

be cautious of stances. weak writing (in my OPINIONNNN) tries to unilaterally defend or condemn a behavior. what you need to do is treat your writing as a bit. and then you need to run with it. you need to take it farther than what is reasonable. if this bit is truly actually deeply true, then what does it mean about yourself? it’s like using a new set of pronouns as a joke or something. you know what i mean? (that was an example of what i’m trying to communicate here)

what else is key to look out for... look for oppositional pairs or tensions. look for perverse incentives and vicious circles. look for embarrassing ideas. that is, what would be extremely embarrassing if it was true? (or to admit that it was true) you may go—tshirt, here you’re just describing things that are sexy. yes, exactly, that’s the point. you want things that thrill. 

just keep reading and making notes until everything echoes with something else. now you’re ready for step two. 

step two: refine your ideas further. 

let me do this by demonstration. once more extending my earlier example of my chinoiserie essay, i knew that i really wanted to take zuroski’s points and basically... steal them. this is called “citation,” i guess. but i thought the following insights were useful to me: 

british women were invested in chinese material objects 

they incorporated them into their own subjectivity

past a certain point, they no longer “consumed” these signifiers, but these signifers became theirs 

critique of one was able to stand in for critique of the other

and from being on fandom twitter, i already had the following insights: 

people deliberately blurred the lines between china and england when it came to fans and tea

people also liked talking about victorian modesty when it came to china 

so it seemed like victorian england and china had a privileged relationship, in a lot of people’s minds in fandom. 

so it didn’t really seem a stretch to say... how can we look at one history, and apply it to our present? 

it was a bit of the combo of the two: i saw something i didn’t see people were talking about, and it reminded me of something else i’d read before. 

something that helps me a lot is tweeting about my essay ideas. if you have me on my private account, you already know this. it forces me to explain myself to someone who doesn’t know what i’m talking about in a very succinct way. oftentimes, i tweet something out while i’m brainstorming, and then i steal the phrasing back into my essay. see? tweets can be writing too. 

this is microdosing on step zero’s “read something and practice telling a friend about it.” now you’re writing something and telling a friend about it. 

step three: okay now you can like. open a google doc 

make an outline. i know i know i know. i’m sorry. you can start just barfing thoughts if you want, but eventually everything that was on the top of your head will be out. and now you can start thinking about structure. the reason the outline is important is because it makes clear the logical progression from one idea to the next. 

i know i usually bounce around in my writing (a tendency which has been magnified here because this is so casual LMAO), but i always want to make sure that my points are substantiated. if we want to talk about how a causes b, we should prove a, we should prove the causal link, and only then can we infer b, for instance. it doesn’t really matter what order that happens in (or even that we set about it that way), but the more complicated your idea is, the longer checklist you need. it’s just a checklist. that’s all. 

as you start writing, you’ll probably need to read some more. you’re going to want to say something you think is true, but you’re going to realize that you haven’t proved it (or you can’t). go look to see if someone else has proved it. 

maybe you’re right. add that evidence in. maybe you’re wrong. now your essay has a new direction. there is a living thing beneath you. actually, on that idea— 

i tend to structure my outlines (if i’m not sure yet what my point is) by pasting a bunch of quotes in a document, and reorganizing them until they make sense, they seem to flow. and then i start explaining why, until i realized i have begun to walk off in a new direction. always embrace that new direction. eventually you will find that you have not been taking twists and turns, but actually you were dizzily walking along a straight path. (unless you have been unfocused and you are trying to say too many things at once. ask a friend to read your essay if you’re not sure which is the case.) 

quotes are the smallest unit of your analysis. work with evidence. or, at least, i do. it makes writing an essay like solving a mystery. the idea of just spontaneously generating something new fills me with terror. rather, i want to autopsy something, trace its steps, and then discover how it came to be dead. this may not be true for you. but it’s true for meeeee and this is my post. 

tl;dr

0. read something and tell someone about it/post it out

0.5. come up with a bit and run with it

1. think "why is no one talking about this" or start free associating

2. come up with weird connections and tell someone about it/post it out

3. collect all of your posts and ideas into a gdoc and organize them.

anyway i like reading posts like this because i’m incredibly nosy. so i tried to write out the sort of thing i like to read from other people. i don’t suggest you actually try to replicate it (if anyone would even want to.) practically basically i just encourage you to try any single part of this that you think was interesting or relatable or helpful. personally, i suggest reading a book and posting your favorite lines from it. if you do this a couple times, i think you will find the seeds of an essay waiting for you in your own posts. 

[midnightfantasiez]

Twisted Love | 다섯 (chp. 5)

SUMMARY: you were certain that you would never find love nor ever lose your virginity throughout university, that is until a man named Lee Sangyeon came into the picture and offered to become your tutor; in exchange for keeping your grades up, and most importantly, teaching you everything you needed to know about sex. it was all just for fun & games, that is until one of you started to develop feelings for the other.

PAIRING: tutor!Sangyeon x afab!reader

GENRE: smut (18+ MDNI!!)

WARNINGS: sangyeon is a jerk 🤕 (but not for long), hakkie is the sweetest ever best friend we all need in life, arguments (reader causes a public scene), lots and LOTS of crying, self-doubt, cursing, slight thriller-ish at one scene so buckle up, kissing, shower sex, sexual tension, dirty talk, petnames (baby, princess), pussy rubbing, breast play, fingering, cum tasting, hair pulling, squirting (like a couple of times actually 😃), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (again, pls be safe irl folks), p in v sex, slight manipulation, rough sex, teasing, some teasing & fluff towards the end

WORD COUNT: 5,579

A/N: and she is finally here!! im so sorry for not updating it for so long (irl has just been a wild ride for me pls understand 😭) yes it is the final chapter of the series, but do read till the very end for a surprise!! 👀

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You have no idea how many days have passed since you last stepped outside your apartment. 

The only thing keeping you sane is gobbling up your whole box of ice cream, which you’ve kept in the freezer for months and completely forgotten about until now. You were practically living on your bed, and you refused to step away from your comfort place other than to use the bathroom. 

If it wasn’t for Haknyeon keeping you alive, you were certain that you were going to rot away and not eat anything nutritious for weeks. He has been coming over every single day without fail—from keeping you company, cuddling while watching some Netflix, and just helping you out the best that he could.

You needed that, especially after what went down with Sangyeon. 

Haknyeon was the first person you had contacted when it all happened, and sure enough, he came rushing to the auditorium to find you curled up at the corners, screaming your lungs out. As much as he was tempted to go after Sangyeon and rip the hair off that man, he resisted the urge and decided to care for you first. 

He was able to help calm you down by bringing you to your favourite boba shop right after that. Then, he took you for a little walk in your local park for a good half an hour before he brought you back to your apartment. 

He got you undressed and even prepared a hot shower bath filled with your favourite lavender bath bombs—you were pretty used to that since you had showered multiple times with him as a kid. 

Everything else was a blur after that, and the next thing you knew, you were practically in bed for a week now. 

Sure, you weren’t going to sulk forever, and you couldn’t live on like this. You needed to get back up on your feet, but you didn’t know exactly how. 

That was until Haknyeon brought something up that set off all of the alarms in your head.

“I don’t know if I should be telling you all this, but I think you deserve to know that Sangyeon is leaving for Tokyo in two hours.” 

Your heart instantly stopped the moment you heard those words. You kept repeating it several times to make sure that you had gotten every single word right and that you weren’t hallucinating. 

Without much thought, you quickly grabbed your coat that was hanging by the hooks of your door and blotted out of your apartment. Instantly, you flagged down a cab that happened to pass by your area and told the driver to head straight to the airport as fast as possible.

Why exactly did you do that? Clearly, you were still upset and heartbroken with everything that happened with Sangyeon. 

The rush of adrenaline was the only thing that could explain the situation you were in. Slowly, your chest tightened, and there was this urge just to let it all out towards your tutor—well, ex-tutor, and also the one whom you have had pretty much spent most of your time with for the past semester. 

You needed to clarify something before he left, and there were so many unanswered questions that you felt had to be addressed before it was too late. 

What was supposed to be a half-hour drive from your apartment to the airport felt like six excruciating hours instead. By the time you arrived, you rushed straight through the gates, not caring that the staff were calling out to you to stop.

You only had one goal: find Sangyeon before it’s too late. 

You didn’t even bother looking at the huge screen that depicts which gate was boarded for Tokyo. You just ran through each one, scanning the crowd in hopes of finding the man you have longed to see. 

Sure enough, he was finally at the very last gate towards the end of the hall, carrying a huge backpack with his earbuds in his ears, following the crowd to start queuing to board the plane. 

As you finally calmed down and tried your best to catch your breath, you didn’t even bother waiting till your breathing had finally stabilised for you to scream at the top of your lungs, not caring if you had gotten the attention of almost everyone in the hall.

“You scumbag!!!” 

It took Sangyeon a few seconds to look around and see what was going on until his eyes landed upon you, and you were clearly talking to him. Soon, the rest of the passengers followed to focus their attention on you both—some even taking out their phones to record the entire commotion. 

“What the actual fuck was whatever happened back at the auditorium all about? You really think you’re so full ahead of yourself? Have you not ever considered that there’s more than just you in this whole agreement thing we had?” 

Sangyeon instantly shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He knew that a conversation or even a confrontation about his actions back then would most certainly come to light one day. 

To be fair, it was his fault for leaving you on the edge and not explaining the whole situation properly before he made his final decision. Hell, he even left you confused and bawling your eyes out all alone back there, which was something he definitely felt guilty about.

But he didn’t know what to do or say. He felt that it was the best decision to make sure that he would no longer step further beyond the line you both have established: it’s all purely for business and not for pleasure. 

Unlucky for him, you did not reciprocate his feelings. 

With another deep breath, you continued your statement, filled with rage. “Did I not mean anything to you for the past several months? Did you treat me like I’m some sort of rag doll you can play with and toss away whenever you want to? I did my very best for you. I aced in all of my tests, and hell I even made sure that you were happy inside and out.”

With that last sentence, you finally felt your cheeks burning so hot to the point that you felt like you might faint any moment. But you had to press on, especially if you wanted to get things over and done with once and for all. 

“But have you ever checked up on me? Have you ever wondered if I felt the same way? Did you even bother caring and considering my well-being? Or my feelings regarding everything that happened?” 

There were so many moments where Sangyeon felt as if he could interject for a moment to give you his response, but you were not having any of that.

You didn’t need to hear anything from him. You just wanted to make sure that you were the one who was going to spit all the facts and shit into that wrecked mind of his. 

Just when you thought that things couldn’t get any better, tears began pouring out of your eyes, and your breathing became heavy and disrupted as you tried your best to choke back those tears. 

“Why did you even make me agree to all of these, Sangyeon? If you were just going to play with me like that,” you sobbed as you wiped your tears away with your sleeves.

At that moment, a couple of airport staff finally made their way towards you and kindly escorted you to somewhere you could sit down and relax for a bit before you were truly about to pass out from everything that had just happened.

Before you took a step forward to head towards the exit to the next terminal, you turned your head back to have one final glance at the male himself before muttering something under your breath.

“I wished we had never met, and I would never want to see your face ever again.”

A couple of days have passed since that fateful day, and it all felt like a fever dream to you.

The moment you returned to the comforts of your apartment, Haknyeon immediately rushed towards the front door to grab you in his arms before you finally passed out. When you awoke from your deep slumber, you had a little wet cloth on your forehead with a thermometer in your mouth, suggesting that your body was feeling a tad bit hotter than normal. 

Thanks to Haknyeon’s help, he was able to nurse you back to health, and the two of you decided to go about with your normal daily routine. It was finally winter break, so you kept yourself busy with all of the Christmas markets that were up and about throughout Seoul—going from booth to booth to try out all of the latest food trends that Haknyeon had desperately wanted to try since coming back to Korea.

Both of you had a lot planned for the upcoming semester: a more relaxed schedule since you were in senior year (which meant there were more individual study sessions for you both), getting a new part-time job to cover the uprising fees, and planning for the senior year’s graduation afterparty. 

You were grateful that Haknyeon’s schedule was more or less similar to yours and that it gave you both more than enough time to hang out after classes or even during the days when you both would go on with your part-time jobs.

Spending some time at the local pub after a long week would be the way to go for you two to destress and just party till dawn—just a little way to escape from all of the troubles from university. 

However, Haknyeon had just received a call from his family that he needed to get back as fast as he could to help out at the farm, so you decided to send him off at the airport.

You certainly felt a lot of mixed emotions here, and that was mainly why Haknyeon didn’t want you to come in the first place. 

But he should’ve known that you, as his best friend, was not going to say no. You insisted that you were going to see his plane take off, and then you would only return back home.

So he tried his best to make the most out of his time with you while waiting for his flight—finding the best matcha latte in all of the cafes to buying a tangerine plushie from one of the vending machines available throughout the airport (since he convinced you that you could hug it to sleep every night so that you wouldn’t miss him too much). 

Even till the boarding gates, your best friend wasn’t too sure about leaving you all alone back in Seoul, given the events that had happened for the past several weeks. As much as you kept telling him that you’ll be fine all on your own, he wasn’t convinced in the slightest bit.

In the end, the only reason you made him finally pack his bags to leave for the airport was that you promised to FaceTime him every day without fail and reply to his texts as much as possible.

I expect an answer within an hour! I should be your first priority amongst everyone else in your contacts!

Haknyeon kept repeating those words to make sure that you would always have your phone close so that he was certain that you were still alive and well. You gave him a smack on his back before pushing him forward to his line that was slowly boarding the plane.

Right after you both waved goodbye and witnessed the plane finally taking off for Jeju, you finally decided that all was well and it was time to head back. 

The first couple of days weren't too bad. Sure, it definitely felt way too empty and quiet without your loud best friend around, but calling him every day was reassuring, to say the least, that you were able to speak to someone. 

Unfortunately for both of you, Haknyeon soon discovered that he would be a lot busier than he expected, so the most that you both could do for the next few days was just texting one another during the night. There was no way you could blame him—he had to look after his family business, after all. 

However, that eerie silence was slowly creeping into you now, and the nightmares were slowly coming back to haunt you. 

Lee Sangyeon. 

As much as you tried your best not to think about every memory you’ve had with him, they just seem to come crawling back all the time for you. Even if you tried to keep yourself busy with something, that lingering feeling just doesn’t seem to go away in the slightest. 

Because frankly, you could still smell the scent of his cologne every night you slept in your bed. 

And you hated that. You hated so many memories you have gotten with your tutor throughout your entire living space. You could turn to the corners, and you would see you and Sangyeon cuddled up with a blanket.

Or you could turn to look at the couch, and you would picture yourself lying down while Sangyeon is hovering over you, showering you with kisses as a reward for essentially being his best student.

And of course, the bedroom. 

The place where the both of you would be so intimate with one another, the warmth of your bodies as he was pressed against you, and the way his tongue would twirl around yours. 

And that goddamn mango flavour that always lingers on his lips. 

You missed his presence so much. You missed how he would touch you, making you feel loved and safe. Most importantly, you missed all the aftercare he would give you after every session. 

Unbeknownst to you, tears were once again beginning to form at the corners of your eyes, and you quickly rubbed them and told yourself that you were no longer going to let him take control of your life.

You have finally let out everything you wanted to say straight to his face that day, and it was a chapter closed in your books. 

You figured that you probably needed some time away to figure things out and take a break from the bustling city. Instantly, you turned on your laptop and searched for the cheapest available hotels nearby, and you were able to snag the final cheapest room at one of the seaside apartments in Busan. 

It would be a much better place to relax before the new semester kicks off the next week, and you were ready to start anew this time. 

No more sex, and no more absurd contracts. 

With that, you added the bookings to your calendar before you prepared yourself a warm hot bath for the night. 

T-minus 2 days till a solo trip to Busan. 

It was the night before you were going to leave for Busan the next morning. You have sorted out the travel route that you were going to take to reach the city: walk to the nearby station at 5:30am, take the earliest train at 6am and arrive at Busan around 8:30am. 

It was that simple. And you were going to hunt for as much local food in town then. 

You figured that you’re just going to take a long, hot, steamy shower to give yourself that love and self-care for the night before your big trip the next day. So you went on with your normal routine: get in the shower, adjust it to the right temperature, and pump out some of your favourite cherry blossom scented shampoo- 

Thud. 

Suddenly, your entire body froze as you clearly heard the sound coming from the front door. Half of you began to panic, but the other half was anticipating whoever had just entered your apartment. 

If this were anyone else, they probably would’ve freaked out and thought that there was an intruder in the comforts of their home, which would be a fair enough point since it would be alarming to hear that someone had entered your apartment when you knew that you weren’t supposed to be expecting any visitors for the day. 

But your apartment complex had pretty strict security checkpoints, and nobody was allowed to enter on their own and would require you to register them at least a couple of hours before their arrival. The only ones who would be able to pass through with ease without your approval would be those you have registered in the database as “close visitors”. 

The only plausible explanation was that Haknyeon had somehow finished up all of his tasks in Jeju and was going to surprise you with his well-known pork bellies that he had harvested from his farm. Your best friend would always bring back goodies for you after all. 

Taking in a deep breath, the face of horror quickly vanished from your face. You plastered the biggest smile you could possibly get and peered your head out from the curtains in your shower.

“Haknyeon, what did I say about giving me surprises-”

God. 

This can’t be real. Well, it couldn’t be. 

Supposedly, he was gone for good, and you have vouched that you will never see him again. And if you ever did, you wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

But you should’ve known that after spending the past several months together most of the time, he would’ve been registered in the database as he would often visit almost four to five days a week. 

Instead, the male stares back at you with slightly puffy eyes, suggesting he is in a horrible state as you were a week ago. Gently, he finally mumbled a few words and gave you these puppy eyes that you had always found absolutely hard to resist.

“Can I join you?” 

You just kept your mouth shut. You couldn’t say anything then, and who could’ve blamed you? You were still trying to process the entire situation that was happening right before your eyes while trying your best to not let your emotions get the best out of you. Instead, you duck your head behind the curtains, letting the waters drench your hair as you stare at your bathroom floor.

The male instantly took the silent response as a yes, and you could hear him unbuckling his belt and slowly undressing himself by tossing his clothing all over the floor before slowly pulling the curtains apart and joining you in the shower. 

There was this awkward silence and tension between you two before the male decided to gently place one of his hands on the right side of your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze that made you heave a loud sigh. 

“Y/N…”

No response from you. How could you have said anything? After everything you have said to him at the airport and how you have curled up in bed crying your eyes out for the past several weeks. 

You could hear that the male himself was just as conflicted as you were, especially as you could feel his left hand trembling ever so slightly as he placed it on your left shoulder. 

“I know you probably don’t want to hear my voice, nor would you ever want to see me again. But please, let me do it one last time. At least, let me make things right one more time before it’s too late.” 

You scoffed. “Too late? Haven’t you already ruined everything from the start? In fact, you even have the audacity to show up here again after all that you’ve done?” 

“I know it just doesn’t sit right with me, and this horrible guilt is eating me out, and I can’t bear to think what would happen if I just leave it as it is,” he whispered, and he slowly lowered his head to the point you could feel his breath on your neck. 

This can’t be good, and you embraced yourself for what was to come.

And it turns out that your instinct was right. 

Slowly, he brushed his lips against your wet skin before leaving a trail of kisses from your shoulders and up to your neck. As much as you tried to glue your mouth shut, the heavy breathing definitely gave it away which made him increase the pressure he was exerting as he began sucking your skin. 

No. You promised that you wouldn’t be carried away any more. You were done with making outs and sex, even with other guys out there if you were ever stuck in one. 

At that moment, you hated the fact that deep down, you still craved his touch, and you absolutely missed this so badly. Internally, you want to moan out loud about not wanting him to stop or tell him that he could go on, but you weren’t ready to say it straight to his face. 

Again, he took the silence as a cue to move on, and he moved his hands down to cup your breasts and gave them a little massage. You tilt your head back slightly as you glued your eyes shut, fighting against all the odds going through your head. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have done that because the next thing you knew, he was slowly snaking one of his hands down to your clit, and he began rubbing them gently. With that, your consciousness finally decides to fail you, and you elicit a soft moan as you mumbled his name for the first time in weeks. 

“S-Sangyeon…” 

Just like that, he knew there was a possible gateway to make things right, and he could perhaps talk things out with you. Using what he knew best to take control of your mind and body, he used the hand that was still on your breast to pull your hair back slightly and crash his lips onto yours. 

That was it. It was the favourite flavour you loved so much every time you locked your lips together. 

You wanted more, and this time you were going to make sure that you were going to devour every last drop of it from his lips. Naturally, one of your hands started moving straight up into his hair, tugging it slightly as you pushed your tongue into his mouth, both having a little tug of war to see who would exert their dominance best. 

As he quickened up his pace by rubbing your clit, you moved your remaining free hand to the back to rest it on his cock, stroking it up and down which caused the male to moan into the feverish kiss you both were having. 

Neither of you was backing down, and you prefer to keep it that way. You were going to show him that you wouldn’t give in easily, and so did he. 

It didn’t take long for you both to start panting as you felt that you were about to reach your climax. So when you both finally came and squirted on each other’s hands respectively, Sangyeon responded with a final kiss before turning you around to pin you against the wall before bending down to lick all of the remaining liquids that were flowing down your thighs. 

Immediately, he takes one of your thighs to rest it on his shoulders so that he is able to gain more entry to your clit—sticking up his tongue into your g-spot as he moves in and out quickly. 

At this point, you can no longer control the moans you have held back for so long, and the entire bathroom is filled with so much more than just the sound of running water from your shower head.

Pulling his hair with both of your hands, only turned Sangyeon on more as he inserts two fingers into your pussy, making a knot form in your stomach, indicating that you’re about to cum anytime soon. 

“Y-You’re so…you don’t deserve any of this- AH!!!” 

God, you were squirting so much more than you did before. You always knew that he was the best at pleasuring you orally, but the moment he stood up and pushed your thighs against the wall, you knew that the worst was yet to come. 

The sad-filled eyes from before were replaced with lust, and you stared at him blankly while trying your best to catch your breath. But before you could think of a comeback in your dazed state, Sangyeon places his tip against your clit and starts rubbing it to give you some time to mentally prepare yourself before he pushes it all the way in. 

“Y/N…I miss you so bad,” he panted before pushing it all the way up that instantly made you shed a tear from that motion, giving you a little time to adjust as he gently gave you a little peck on the lips to assure you that everything was going to be okay. 

When your breathing has finally calmed down, he begins his pace slowly, pushing it in and out while you slowly take in his length. 

As all of this was going on, the tears that you had desperately tried your best to hold back began streaming down your face—definitely making it look a lot more dramatic with the warm, hot shower dripping down your face at the same time.

“Y-You don’t love me, Sangyeon…you really don’t…this is all a lie…” You panted in between thrusts as you muttered those words. 

And god, did they sting. 

“How can you be so sure?” He asked while fucking you deep.

“Y-You just- want my body- nothing more-” 

“I wouldn’t have dropped and ditched everything I had in Tokyo if that was the case,” he firmly said it out loud and clear, causing you to finally open your eyes wide to look at the male as he paused, thrusting in and out of you. 

Slowly, he caresses your cheeks, wipes away the tears that were streaming down uncontrollably, and looks at you rather lovingly, if that was the best way to describe the look he has on his face right now. 

It doesn’t seem like he was joking around, and it reminded you so much of when the both of you would end up cuddling on your bed and couch, taking the time to kiss one another slowly, as if neither of you were willing to let go. 

“Y/N, I was a coward. I loved you from the start when we first agreed to this whole contract we had. I was a jerk for not admitting my feelings, or rather—choosing to ignore them instead. My past relationship traumatised me, and I wasn’t sure if you felt the same about me, and I was scared to receive another rejection in life.”

Now that was something you had not expected to hear from your ex-tutor. Him falling for you first before you did? It was crazy to think that all this while you were the one who was in this whole one-sided love affair throughout the whole agreement you both had. 

There was no way. More specifically, you couldn’t accept it. You had to make sure.

“Y-You like me? But I’m just an ordinary university student who knows nothing about sex  and all-”

He shuts you up with another kiss. “The best companion and lover, you mean.”

“B-But why? I’m sure your past girlfriend was a lot more prettier and better and of course more knowledgeable than I ever will be-” 

“Y/N. You are the reason why I think that Seoul isn’t as bad as it was. You’re the reason that has made me the happiest man out there for the past several months. You’re the reason that made me decide that it was worth finding love again. Most importantly, you made me realise how much I actually love you and want you all to myself.” 

You sniffled. “And you think by having sex with me is going to prove all of that?”

He chuckles for a bit before pinching your now red puffy cheeks. “From now on, all of our sexual acts together will not be in vain, and it’ll be something intimate and ones that we will cherish as genuine lovers.” 

That was more than enough to give you the reassurance that you needed. All of these were the words that you desperately wanted to hear, and now that you have gotten them, you are the happiest human being that you could possibly be out there. 

“Well then, mister-know-it-all, give me everything you’ve got,” you mocked, trying to go back to the bickering phase you both once shared back then.

That instantly put a smile back on Sangyeon’s face, but that slowly faded into a smirk instead, turning him on as you challenged the male. “Oh I will, baby. Just like how you used to scream for my name until the entire apartment is filled with your cries and moans.”

Right as he finished his last sentence, Sangyeon pushed his cock back into you and decided that you had more than enough time to take in all of his length and size. The more you tilt your head back and how loud your moans have been increasing, the more he wants to push it in deeper till your legs become all numb.

“God- Sangyeon- Please-” 

“Tell me, baby. Tell me what you want-” he panted. 

“Cum inside…please make me cum…” you pleaded. 

“Beg for me then. Tell me how much you want me.”

Lord, you forgot how cocky he could get when he’s high in all of this. 

“I want you so bad! Please, please make me cum!” You screamed at the top of your lungs. 

That was more than enough to please him for now, and he finally picked up his pace even faster than before, trying his best to reach his climax. It didn’t take that long for you both to come together, slowly catching your breaths as you both came down from your high. 

With that, he lifts up your chin and makes you look straight into his eyes, signalling to you that he has won the game. On the other hand, you were not going to give in so easily. 

If he thinks he is back in my good graces, then he’s completely wrong. 

Making him catch off guard; you were the one who pushed him back against the wall—this time creeping up onto him with this horrible smirk on your face.

“You want it good, Mr. Lee Sangyeon? I’ll show you who’s a much more dominant figure in this relationship. Clearly, you made the wrong choice to come back to me.”

It had been a good ten minutes since the whole chaos unfolded back in your bathroom, and now you were all cosy and snuggled up in bed, Sangyeon cuddling you as if you were like his favourite plushie from his childhood.

He couldn’t stop planting kisses on your forehead and sniffing the cherry blossom shampoo you had just used to wash your hair, hugging you tighter each minute passed.

“Sangyeon, I won’t run away; you know that, right? So stop suffocating me before I elbow you in the stomach.”

“Now, that isn’t the nicest thing to say to the guy who gave you a nice, soothing bath.”

“Correction, you ruined my lone shower routine.” 

“But you wanted me so badly you didn’t even reject my touch, didn’t you?” He smirked.

“Oh my god, since when did you become so annoying?” You ruffled his hair as payback, but it turned out it was the wrong move because the next thing that happened, he pushed you down onto your bed, turned you around, and made you look straight up at him as he hovered over you while pinning your arms right above your head. 

“Say that again, princess. I didn’t seem to hear you the last time you said those few last words,” he growled as if he was challenging and pushing you to your limits.

But you have made up your mind and said your true thoughts back in the bathroom, so you pushed him when he wasn’t looking for a split second to turn the tables around, to the point that you were sitting on top of him. 

“Remember what I said back there? Mr. Lee Sangyeon? You clearly made the wrong move when you decided to book that flight from Tokyo back to Seoul,” you said firmly as you began lifting his shirt to reveal his well-toned abs as you slowly glided your hands up and down.

He chuckled, enjoying this little act you have going on. “So am I back in your good graces, sweetheart?” 

You narrowed your eyes at him before a smirk was plastered across your face, completely removing his shirt as you threw it straight to the floor and leaned down to whisper into his ear.

“If you’re able to moan and scream my name out loud this time, then I’ll consider reigniting our contract once again.”

You should’ve known for not testing his limits on how much he would always seem to have a comeback for every single remark you tried to make because what he said next was enough to keep your mouth shut as he began taking a strand of your hair and twirled it around his fingers. 

“Fuck the stupid contract, I’m all yours now, baby.”

A/N: and that's a wrap!! im so happy with this sangyeon series & thank you all again for 100+ followers (reaching 200 soon yay!!) big shoutout to my besties @daisyvisions @aimeecarreros @snowflakewhispers for giving me ideas, supporting me, and all the encouragement & very necessary dirty talk to motivate me to keep on going 🤠 (esp elena for beta reading from the start till the end!!) 🩷

before we get the tissues out for being sad, nuh-uh the series is not the end yet. bcs i love it way too much (and sangyeon obv) im def planning to write a couple of bonus chapters in the future!! so theres def some short stories coming soon (i don't have a clear schedule update bcs of my irl work, but i guarantee you that i will try my best to upload it whenever i can!!)

again, thank you thank you for joining me for this series!! 😘🫶

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taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @mamuljji @synthwxve @j4edo @serinebsblog @h0mebody-heaven @strayed-quokka @daisyvisions @aimeecarreros @snowflakewhispers (join my permanent taglist here!)

[tmntxthings]

一∑ All For You・゜・。

author’s note: nice song, idk how I got the yandere vibes, but here we are, also it’s late soooo unedited and prolly horrendous >.<

warnings: yandere!donnie, toxic relationship, gaslighting, lies, manipulation, controlling, cursing

song: “ Feather by Sabrina Carpenter ”

—————————————————————————

Donatello didn’t feel any remorse as he hacked into your phone.

You obviously needed help.

You couldn’t do this yourself.

So he took it upon himself to help you out with this one.

It was honestly torture to watch you with your toxic partner.

And he was past the point of caring about the repercussions you may force upon him.

Donnie was actually pretty sure you would be grateful. This favor he was about to do for you.

It was too easy to get into your phone. Donnie sat in his swivel chair, music playing around him as he dabbled with the keys on his keyboard.

After he had cornered his resolve it was only a matter of time. He knew most of your passwords and while he could’ve just stolen your phone to do this… he didn’t want to chance it.

Donnie wouldn’t just block this asshole. No no. He was going to eradicate this fool from your phone. Wipe it clean of your partner's existence. There would be no way they could reach you and if they tried instead it would alert Donnie.

You were unhappy with your current situation. You came to the lair moping, and in a depressive state due to this punk! And it seemed every time you did go through with breaking up, it would last only a couple of hours before this irritating charmer found their way back into your life. Back as your partner.

Well Donnie had enough. And he was positive you felt the same way. You just needed his help. Needed him to take control and save you. Make all the hard decisions so you wouldn’t have to feel guilty.

Gladly! He would gladly do all these things and more to get you back into a happier state. And you would see! Once you got over the fact that he intruded into your space, and completely blocked someone out of your life… all that was missing was the irl part.

Donnie didn’t know if he was ready to commit murder on your behalf yet. So this would have to do for now.

It had worked too. Initially you had wondered why they weren’t responding to you, messaging or calling you. But as the days went by you were brighter, lighter.

And Donnie had to keep it together to not verbally ask for a gracious thank you. No, this was enough. Just seeing you smile. Yeah. A feather is what you became. You floated into his lab, giggling about some comedy movie you had just finished. Asking him about his latest and greatest.

Now usually Donnie was very attentive to you. Especially when you came in his space. He had to make sure you didn’t accidentally light something on fire or god forbid press a button that should probably have a fingerprint approval on it.

So yeah, he was halfway listening to you. His headphones buzzing from a tune, typing something on his monitor when he got a blip of a notification. One that you clocked in on.

“Who’s that??”

And like a cat he jumped in his seat. Realizing it was a message from your asshole of a partner. He was trying to close out his screens and his fingers flew to cover up his mistake. But the world was against him as your head leaned past his shoulder, scrutinizing the screen as he missed the escape button a trillion times.

“Fucking Asshole?”

You questioned and as you read the message. No the loads of messages that had gone between Donnie and well..your soon to be ex! You took a sharp intake of breath.

“Donnie what the fuck is this??”

He cringed. Finally closing, it made a resound click. “Before I admit to my crimes I’d like to point out how happy you’ve been these past couple of days! Just think, you could be this way all the tim—“

“Donnie!!” You yelled, staring him down now.

He pulled down his headset. “Really Y/n you’re overreacting right now. All I’ve done is block them permanently off your phone and rerouted everything they send to me instead.” He listed all of this off nonchalantly. It was all totally cool. It was chill! It was fineeee!

You just continued to stare, though your eyes had widened incrementally as you assessed the bigger picture. “And you’re responding to them??”

“Ahh well.. I couldn’t help myself. I told myself I wouldn’t but.. pretending to be you and slowly breaking their resolve was just too fun to miss out on! Pretty sure they're gonna break up with you soon!” Donnie tacked on the last sentence as a bonus! A super positive plus that surely you were happy about.

“Donnie this is fucked up. You can’t just do that! You can’t just, UGH! I can’t even right now Dee. I’m leaving.”

You were bolting. And Donnie wondered if he should follow. He swiveled. Once. Twice. Fuck it he was going after you! To explain better.

“Y/n! Wait!” He called out, jumping from his chair and pressing on his wrist tech to call for a battle shell. It shot out from the charging station and latched onto his softshell. Once in place he went in jetpack mode, flying through the sewer and assessing you had already made it topside.

You were steps from walking out onto the sidewalk and into the flow of commuters. That was before his hands found your waist, gripping tightly as he picked your weight up off the ground and he shot into the air.

You screamed, flailing before deciding you didn’t want to fall and clung to him instead. Now you were cursing as he slowed down to land on an empty rooftop.

“You’re no better than them! Doing all of this by yourself! Doing things I never asked for and don’t want!” You hollered, getting heated even though you were still trying to catch your breath. Wind whipped past the both of you, leaving trails of goosebumps on you.

Donnie let you get it all off your chest. And by the end of your rant, “now get me off this roof and leave me the hell alone!” You wanted away. Still trying to run. Well now you had nowhere to go unless you wanted to fall six floors down.

“I think if you just took a moment to look past what I’ve done you’ll see I only did it for you! And it’s benefitted you so far! Why do you want to go through that cycle of breakups again? When I could just take care of this problem for you!”

This all sounded reasonable to Donatello. Nice even. “I know it may look bad to you Donnie, but I really do like them. Despite our ups and downs.”

“More downs than ups..” Donnie muttered. Rolling his eyes at the word you used ‘like’. Whatever. There was no way you liked them. Why were you over all the time then? Why not hang out with them? And brimming with excitement too whenever you hung around? When you did come over after a date with your partner you were never that happy!

“I’m serious Donnie, fix what you did or else this will be the last you see of me.”

What?!

You were threatening him now?? After all he had done? His eyes darkened. A sneer appearing on his face as he stalked forward, “Really now? Where you gonna go Y/n?” Donnie looked out at the empty rooftop. No door, no staircase/fire escape. You took in your surroundings too. Your mouth going into a grim line.

“I’ll call the police. I’ll call your brothers!” Again with the threats!

Donnie expanded his tech bo. And while you jumped back thinking he was about to attack, he just leaned over it, bored to bits already. “Go ahead, try calling up a hero. We’ve got all the time in the world up here for you to understand my side of things.”

You didn’t know why every call you tried failed. Well that was until you looked up to see Donnie canceling it on his end. On his wrist tech. He shot you a swarmy wink when he caught you staring. Fuming. You’d see his point of view soon.

—————————————————————————

below are answered anon asks from this post:

thoughts on ‘jumping’

thoughts on ‘pretending’

thoughts on ‘layers’

[kawaiipony-productions]

IMPORTANT: My Situation and GoFundMe

Hola y hello, to those who don't know who I am. I'm Itzel aka Kawaiipony Productions. I'm a 17 y/o (mostly Mlp) YouTuber. I'm non-binary asexual biromantic (he/she/they) and I'm also an AuDHDer. And well, I need help. I live in an emotionally abusive household and my own “father” is my abuser. And while my mom isn’t as bad and my relationship with her has gotten better in recent years, she has still caused harm even by letting a lot of this slide.

Around February 18th, 2022, my parents snooped on my phone and found out I was trans. They had taken my phone, tablet, and Nintendo Switch. Which I wouldn’t mind too much if I didn’t purchase majority of these. I bought my tablet myself sometime around 2018 to 2019 with my own money. And I split half and half with one of my sisters to buy our Switch. That is hundreds not only stolen, but also destroyed as they’ve broken my tablet (which was around $300-350 when I bought it) previous instances it’s been taken from me. And I have not received any of these devices since.

Not only that, but my abuser in the past years of me dealing with my abusive relationship with him, h has threatened not only kick me out of the house, but also send me to the military without my consent or send me to my family in México to “straighten me out.” Not to mention his constant ableism towards me. From being anti-vax (a very ableist rhetoric towards autistics), forcing me to mask, etc.

This has led to me secretly doing my job as a part-time YouTuber for the past 2 years now, especially since I was forced to delete the previous Kawaiipony Productions channel cause of him. I have a GFM to help fund me for being able to get proper equipment again for doing my work. Not only that, but also possibly for things I plan to get once I turn 18 such as starting to get therapy, medication for my ADHD, etc. And now that I started dating my girlfriend, Vikki, I want to start saving some of this money to possibly meet her irl sometime next year.

I am taking a few small paid jobs for work right now, but it’s still not enough for my situation. So, you may ask, how can I help? Well, if you have the money, donate to my GFM. My GFM goal is $2,000 and I still need around $1,200 for reaching my goal. I also have adoptables for sale right now for $25 each. If you can’t financially help, then you can share not only my GFM, but my work. From my artwork, my videos on YouTube, and projects I’ve been a part of as a voice actor, animator, and/or artist. Any of this helps support me through everything going on in my life. I could really use it right now. So any and all support helps me out. Thank you all for reading this thread, I appreciate any and all support I need!!!

-Itzel C.D. aka Kawaiipony Productions

Ways to support me!!!

My YouTube channel:

My GoFundMe:

Current Adoptables for Sale:

[eyesore-boi]

You think that you're alone but

We are waiting for you every night...

You're mine.

Close ups and other stuff below!

...so....10 years, huh?

I cannot understate how much FNaF means to me in my life, and yeah...know that sounds a b i t much considering it's the funny har har bear games, but lemme explain-

Truth is, i was actually terrified of FNaF when it first came out! I remember my first introduction to it was when i was having a sleepover at my friend's place and he was both playing and watching other people play the first game, and when i was watching it with him, i got scared and tried to avoid the game as much as i could, even claiming to hate the game despite just knowing the first game. I was young and was prone to sheltering myself from stuff i didn't understand, and that being the first scary game i've ever seen caused that reaction, but over time...that changed.

It happened when i was watching YT and clicked on a comic dub i never seen before, thinking it was an AU for a fandom i was in (probably Undertale i dunno), but lo and behold, it was actually a fandub/animatic for the missing kids incident, and that...peaked my interest. I got curious on how this scary game actually had an interesting story to it and not just some game that goes boo. So, soon after that, i decided to look up simply "FNaF Story", found the Game Theory videos, and...the rest is history.

I was amazed and hooked, got invested in how the games explained the story in ways i've never seen before, got excited when i saw everything click together in real time, and pair that with how i got into the series r i g h t when Sister Location came out, arguably when the lore really started to kick off, i knew there was no going back now. I stuck with the series since. I watched all the animatics and dubs, listened to all the songs, tried drawing the characters, made OC's, and even talked to other people about this franchise.

And now look- Not gonna pretened this whole time it's been sunshine and (Chica's) rainbows, especially in recent times. The drop off SB caused, the lore getting more and more complicated and convoluted, the divide between older and newer fans, being the founder of Mascot Horror (for every Poppy Playtime there i s a Garten of Ban Ban) and course the IRL drama, but in all seriousness...i still wouldn't trade it for anything.

FNaF, this series, is my very first experience connecting me with a community like this, both good and bad, helping me understand how to properly enjoy media and even learn/take things from it, and i think without it i wouldn't be in the fandoms i'd be in now. The scary, horror ones, the niche, hard to find ones, story driven, character rich, and of course...more importantly...getting me into Markiplier, which further influenced the "outside the box" kind of thinking cause my g o d for these two stories you need too-

And speaking of, because of those two stories, it lead to me branching out more creativily and even creating my own webcomic for an AU combining both of them, so regardless on how that'll go, i'm just glad this series has influenced me enough to create something for others to see, since that's all i ever want to give.

But really, this franchise will forever be with me, and though i don't always agree with all of it (i haven't read any of the books in y e a r s and i refuse to do so), it only makes some of the stuff it does do right completely worth it (like the movie, peak cinema), and for where ever this bear shaped train is going next, well, i'll be here for the ride for all of it. No matter how many burning buildings it goes through.

...oh and um- Right yeah. The actual art piece. Uh....it crashed multiple times when drawing it. It's even a miracle i was able to export it. I can't even open it up anymore. So even if i wanted to change anything about it, i c a n 't -

But still pretty happy with how it came together! Was run drawing these robos, some being kinda redraws from the past, while other's i've n e v e r drawn before, so that was interesting! But still, tried to draw the "main character" so to say from each of the main FNaF games, and just kinda be...walking along through the series, nothing too deep or complex, but still interesting enough! ....unlike the fnaf storyline cause g o d how many restaurants wERE THEIR S C O T T -

But for real this is going long enough, so ima head out and do my own FNaF related things thay you don't need to worry about shush *commits arson*

HAPPY 10TH FNAF BIRTHDAY EVERYBODY!! >:DD

[groenendaelfic]

do you think wille will/should abdícate in the future or do you think he’ll become king one day?

The way this is worded I am 99.9 percent sure this is one of my friends trolling me, but I'll bite anyway even if it is, so strap in, because I have many messy, convoluted THOUGHTS. (in case it isn't sorry for presuming Anon and thanks for your question and being curious about my opinion)

The reason why I think this is a friendly troll ask is because you can't make this an or question and I have been very vocal about that in the past. I mean you can, Young Royals fandom is doing it all the time everywhere, but you shouldn't and yes I'll keep being nitpicky about that.

Why? Because In the context of monarchies and royalty the word abdication only applies to crowned monarchs and yes it does make a difference.

Let me use a (simplified) irl example: Harry didn't abdicate, William can't abdicate (yet), only Charles can and only now that he's king. Charles could have given up his rights to the throne in favor of William when he was still Prince of Wales, but that wouldn't have been an abdication, not if he had done it before becoming King himself.

The same is true for Wilhelm. Wilhelm can only abdicate after ascending the throne. If he's not king, it's not an abdication.

Yes I'll keep harking on about this until the end of my days, because while it might not seem like a big deal what word you use here, it actually makes a big difference legally and politically and on all levels if it's a crowned monarch and head of state formally abdicating or if it's an heir giving up their place in the line of succession.

So what we're actually all discussing here (most of the time) is should Wilhelm give up his place in the line of succession and right to the throne, and my immediate reaction to that (after no, never, but also he's sixteen, it's way to soon for any of that) is, how and in what way?

We're all rooting for Wilhelm and want him to be happy, of course we are. Wilhelm is my absolute favorite, but I hate this trend in the fandom that's romanticizing what everyone likes to call "'Wille's abdication" or abolishing the monarchy in general, because just because "it's right", doesn't mean it's in any way easily or quickly done in a "haha and now Sweden no longer has a monarchy" kind of way. That's not how it works.

Don't get me wrong, I'll never romanticize the monarchy or any other systems enforcing hierarchies and inequality, not in irl nor in any of my fics. Tax billionaires until they aren't anymore, eat the rich and yes, of course get rid of all monarchies, but you can't just go "lol no longer a prince", especially when like Wilhelm, you're still a teenager and can't make a properly informed decision about what you're doing.

Now before you all come at me with pitchforks, of course teenagers can tell right from wrong and make informed decisions, but Wilhelm grew up not only with immense privilege, but also extremely sheltered and in a bubble. Yes he started out his first semester of 'high school' in a public school, but I promise you the majority of his classmates' parents weren't plumbers or tax accountants.

Wilhelm has no idea of real life, not even rich people real life. He doesn't go to the store or buy his own clothes, and neither do his parents, nor do they randomly go to restaurants or whatever. Wille has never been able to go out in public without being photographed and noticed and everyone making a fuss, and he has no idea how most things work because there's always staff doing everything for him quietly and in the background.

If, and I say if, Wilhelm is sure he wants to step back from his role, then he should still wait until his early to mid twenties before doing so, because doing so is complicated and not something he can change his mind about later. Also he needs to learn about normal life first.

But I digress. Lets say Wilhelm does want to give up the throne. He's brought it up himself as a possibility when he was still desperately trying to get Simon back in any way he could. That still makes him a prince and a duke.

He'd still be a member of the royal family/house (I hate how that seems to be used synonymously in English). Not being king wouldn't mean he wouldn't be expected to become a working member of the royal family once he's an adult, except now there'll be a different monarch, one he'll have to obey within the family hierarchy, and chances are it'll be August.

Okay, so we take this a step further. Wilhelm gives up his rights to the throne and doesn't become a working royal, but that would mean betraying his family (his words) and stepping away from them. Not just his parents but everything he's grown up with and everything he knows. And he'd still be a prince and a duke.

Wilhelm will never be Joe Average Wille (is Harry now? Was Diana? and neither of them were next in line), no matter how much he might want to, especially not after S02E06 and I know I've said it before but I'll say it again: he'll keep being hounded, he'll keep being seen as royalty, and the only thing that'll change is who pays for his security.

(which btw the security thing is no joke, I know Wilhelm has no Diana levels of celebrity yet, but he's now the first openly queer modern royal and heir to the Swedish throne, there will be significant international media interest and it will stay, especially now with smart phones being able to capture his every move, and I'm old enough to remember the shit show that happened when Diana no longer had official protection officers and police protection and it was not fun, hounded is an understatement and professional 24/7 security is expensive and private security will never be as good as those who also have government/Security Service resources)

Also I firmly believe that what Wilhelm hates is not being royalty or the future king, but being forced into a role, handed a script and expected to perform without any of his own input.

When that changes, and it will, his attitude towards it will also change.

People argue that he'll be happier once he gives up his place in the line of succession, but I disagree.

I think he might have been happier had he been born a normal kid, but also maybe not because then he'd be a very different person, so there's no telling, but he'd always live with the guilt of betraying his family and heritage, and people, both well meaning and not, will never let him forget that.

Yes he struggles now, and I don't want to make light of his struggles, but every teenager struggles with their identity and place in life and things will be different once he's grown up and more secure in himself.

My 'ideal' fantasy solution were this irl would be for Wilhelm to become the last King and to work with the government to ensure a smooth transition once he retires, because abolishing the Swedish monarchy is complicated, but do I think that'll actually happen? No. Because that's not the kind of person Wilhelm is.

Also Wilhelm has been born to immense wealth, privilege and soft power, all three of which he will to a degree keep all his life no matter what happens.

Of course he needs to put his own mental health and wellbeing first, and I'm aware that he never asked for any of this, but he still has it, and with that comes a duty, and I think it'd be absolutely selfish of him to just take that wealth, privilege and soft power and to let the "common people" deal with the mess he left behind, because let's not kid ourselves, if he announces he'll give up his throne tomorrow and sticks with it until he's eighteen and beyond, do you really think people in power won't do anything they can to keep the system in place?

Kristina loves her son and wants what's best for him, even if she's not the best parent, but she'll not dismantle the system for him.

She knew what August had done, and she still would've rather had him as heir instead of even so much as considering anything else.

The Royal Court most certainly won't, and even if the elected government wouldn't be opposed to getting rid of the monarchy (if, there's a chance but not a guarantee, depending who is in power when that happens), that's not the end of it.

You can't abolish the monarchy and keep the nobility (edit: as it's been pointed out you can in theory, but my point is that the nobility won't be happy about it because it's a threat to them as well, and not just socially, and why would a Sweden in the 21st century do one but not the other, elites don't like changes in the status quo, even if at first glance it doesn't directly affect them, and this does), and there will be plenty of people, both obscenely rich and averagely well off people, who will do their utmost to keep their position of privilege.

It will not only become a matter of equality, Sweden is one of the most egalitarian countries in the world. It'll be about history and heritage and tradition.

It'll be a giant mess and if it wants any chance of succeeding, it'll need someone in power to actively work towards it, someone whose position the monarchists and traditionalists and conservatives respect, and that has to be a King Wilhelm, not a Crown Prince Wilhelm or a Prince Wilhelm or a Joe Average Wille who took his wealth and privilege and soft power and ran away because he chose to be selfish and leave a system in place no one was better able to do something about than him.

Now of course I'm once again talking about an adult Wilhelm, canon Wilhelm is still a teenager and shouldn't have to deal with or worry about any of that, and he gets to want to be selfish, because he's sixteen, but he won't always be sixteen, and when he isn't any longer his outlook will have changed as well.

Now we come to another point though, and that is that Wilhelm is not a revolutionary. He has his own head and a temper and doesn't want to blindly do as he's told, but he's not the kind of person who goes and topples a system.

I don't even think Simon is. He wouldn't mind the monarchy being abolished, sure, but I don't think he has the energy to become a political activist and to fight the system all his life, especially in a life without Wilhelm.

With Wilhelm it's different, there I'm sure he'll use the power he has for good. He'd be aware that he can change things and do his best to choose his engagements carefully should he become a member of the royal family.

That said, in time I don't think Wilhelm will mind being King, not if he also gets to be with Simon at the same time, and I don't think he should give up his place in the line of succession.

Finally, and most importantly, because we're talking about a TV show and a fic fandom here and not irl, I love playing with the idea of the Royal Court, the Swedish upper class, and all the conservatives and monarchists having to (figuratively) bow and scrape to an openly queer, headstrong monarch and the gay, biracial love of his life who also happens to be the son of a poor, immigrant single mother, because that is a very, very cathartic thought, and so yeah, King Wilhelm and Prince/Duke/King Consort Simon all the way, always.

That's what drew me to this show in the first place, a queer Crown Prince, and not a random queer teenager going about his normal life. There're plenty of other (great) shows for that.

[silenzahra]

First of all, thanks a lot to @megamagimugi @itsavee4117 @bberetd @keakruiser @pepperycar

@coffeecat1983 @peaches2217 @stripetkattelalala54 @multicolour-ink @vulpixfairy1985

@purely-interests-here-not-much for your comments on my latest post. I truly appreciate your support as I really needed it. Hope it's okay that I vent under the cut so you're all free to continue reading or skip this post, but I hope you all understand I'm not in the mood whatsoever to be around right now. I know you've tagged me in some stuff and I appreciate it, but I just can't enjoy it right now. It has all to do with my emotional state and nothing with the content itself. Hope that is clear.

Also, thank you to those of you who reblogged my musicians post after I fixed it. I really appreciate it. I'll make sure to give you all proper answers... I just don't know when yet.

Before I go on, let me advice you: if you're in a good mood today, maybe you shouldn't read this if you don't want it to be ruined. It's totally up to you. Just know that I'd never judge anyone for putting their mental health first.

Yesterday was the most awful day of my life. I came to the realization that the people I thought cared for me the most, the people who were supossed to always be there through thick and thin... don't actually care about me. They always put others first, no matter what my necessities and emotions are: they're always there for other people but they're never there for me. Even when it's obvious that I need them, they just don't see it and continue to help everybody else but me.

And I feel lonely. I've never had trouble with being alone as my hobbies usually require that I'm on my own to properly enjoy them, but that's one thing... and loneliness is something very different. I'm never alone, but I'm lonely. And their attitude also makes me feel so unimportant... Makes me wonder why on earth I'm here. Why my family had me if they weren't gonna care about me. Especially my emotions... No one in my family has ever made me feel like they're a safe space for me to open up. Never. So they don't even know what I'm feeling because, whenever I try to tell them something, they change the subject or simply don't pay attention. My voice doesn't matter. I literally have no one to turn to IRL. Heck, they don't even make me feel loved anymore. They make me feel like a burden they have to deal with, and I can't even move to live on my own for financial reasons.

In all honesty, I never thought I'd find myself in such a situation. I don't even know how to act anymore. I have to continue living with my family, seeing them every day, and I just don't know how to look them in the face. The feelings swirling in my chest... they hurt, and I feel that I need to let them out, but I literally have no one IRL. My friends, they all live in different cities, and have their own lives and problems, so they can't always be there for me, and I'm okay with that because I'm also busy. I'd like to get back to therapy, but it's expensive as hell where I live, and I have just started working for the first time after a few months, so I don't have the means for that.

In all honesty, this morning I took the day off from work and went for a walk with my dog. This may sound weird, especially to people who don't have any animals, but I'm not exaggerating when I say my dog Baloo was the only one (in my immediate surroundings I mean) who noticed yesterday that I wasn't feeling good. He has a great emotional intelligence and was there for me when I needed him, and I'm glad I could walk with him this morning because it really did wonders to us both.

Still, shortly after I got home... everything went bad again. I'd dare to say even worse than yesterday. And I'm so tired and drained.

I don't even know why I'm in this world anymore. It's just suffering and suffering, one bad thing after another, and I sincerely can take it no longer. I've had enough. I don't even find joy in the SMB franchise anymore... Yes, it's that bad. I've hit rock bottom and all that's left for me is drowning.

Thank you if you've read everything and sorry if I bored you or made you feel bad. I just hope you understand that I don't feel like being around whatsoever. I love you and your content, but I can't enjoy it right now, so I'd rather not see it until I'm fine... if I ever get to be fine again. This is the worst bad streak I've experienced in a very long time and I sincerely cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Heck, I can't even feel excited about seeing my favorite band live again next week... Can't even look forward to that right now.

Of course, you're all free to continue to tag me in stuff if you'd like, but I hope you know I'm not gonna see it now. As I said, I can't enjoy anything in general. I've lost the spark of joy and I don't know how to get it back.

Sorry to sound so depressed, but it's just how I'm feeling right now.

Of course, all of this applies to the people around me in real life. I'm grateful I met each and every one of you, and I'm lucky and blessed that you offered me your support and you're there to listen. I love you all very much.

[coldpintglass]

I was thinking about what you said in your southkane post about how they both want to be in that supportive/protecting role to the squad and how Kane maybe does it better than Southgate. It would be soooo interesting to see that tension worked out around that moment when dearly loved/life and soul/heavily Villa-coded Grealish was sent home before the euros this summer and reportedly Kane went in on the squad’s behalf to ask Southgate why.

(Sidebar: also interesting how he didn’t do the same when Madders was dropped)

I feel like - through that duty lens you wrote so well about - Southgate would be so proud of Kane for doing that, but also so maybe personally self-defensive about his choice, and of course ultimately unmoveable on it… fun tension

Thinking about Southkane were you now? 

Ah, anyway, thank you for your lovely ask Laura!!! Yeah, honestly since that article dropped (which if you haven’t read, worth it alone for how cutting it is of Gareth. Obviously he’s not the only reason this Euros wasn’t successful but he’s certainly the root. It’s quite a sobering read) and it said that Kane rushed to Gareth, I’ve been thinking about that too. Woof. 

Some thoughts on this:

A: Harry and Jack are clearly good friends from interactions IRL and on insta. Jack even having a chat on Katie’s page! Hello!?!?

B: Jack has done what Harry hasn’t yet - play and help a team win a final. And honestly that counts a lot for England.  Not to say that in the finals Harry has played in that they would’ve won otherwise without him (probably not!) but like that experince of what it takes to push when on the right foot is so invaluable.

C: Jack is sooooooo the life and soul of the team. Such a joyful spirit, like he’s a daft bugger (drink driving again what IS it with these guys) but he gets a lot right otherwise, he’s great at footie, loved by team and clearly loves the fans. You absolutely could FEEL the Jack shaped gap in the England training camp videos - it felt odd him not being there.

D. Yep, still of the opinion that Harry is better liked than Southgate because he finds it easier to support and respect the team. Thinking of the poignant interview Dele did with Gary Neville when he opened up on addiction/childhood trauma. He mentions Harry as someone who especially checked in on him and tried to help him. Just seems like someone who although may not tactically be the best leader, is absolutely good at being the glue to keep the team together and get the best out of others. 

Harry asking him about Grelish - WOOOFBARKBARKBARKGRRRR. 

What you’ve written is perfect Laura, absolutely that double edged sword of “so proud of you Harry, this is exactly the initiative to take, you’re a leader through and through” vs “what do you mean??? I dropped Grelish because it was the right choice. I plan the team around YOU.” And also this happening on the spurs training grounds is just…! 

That HAS to have been the start of the undercurrent of tension between them over the Euros. Not huge or anything but something was there - the publication of this article the day after Harry said “we didn’t know when to press” after the Denmark game? Nah, can’t be telling me that it’s somewhat linked. 

Strikes me as Southgate trying to put Harry back in his place or keep him in line. It’s gutting to think that tbh, they’ve otherwise been such a brilliant pair (both IRL and RPF) but no denying there’s been cracks. Watching your son/mentee outgrow you in a way you can’t come back from, wishing desperately he could go back to being the pliant but loyal young man you loved and put at the centre of everything for so long.

Anyway, this is a long way of saying “I’m absolutely injecting this into my brain to whip it up into a fic/part of a fic”. Love you x 

[yumeparadox]

Grand Fest Recollections. Thank You For Two Years!

My heart feels so heavy today. As I woke up to see a sunrise that matched the one we finally have in Splatoon 3, reality settled in.

Life has to go back to normal after a splatfest weekend but this celebration truly changed everything.

The Grand Festival was such a wonderful celebration of Splatoon in its entirety. 

I felt the most unbridled joy experiencing that magic brought to the in-game performances, the live renditions of each song in carefully crafted set-lists and seeing Liquid Sunshine choreography and its vibrancy for the first time.

On and off stream the three stages are where I spent the most time during Grand Fest when I could. I sat around the venue and just took in the details of the concerts and the setting; enjoying that moment in time was how I kept myself grounded.

But I think what had me start to unravel is realizing that I let the actual splatfest battle experience slip away.

I’d seen a Twitter comment on Sunday while I was taking pictures of Three Wishes that mentioned again how we would be able to return to the venue because of a datamine (granted I knew of this from months ago) about the amiibos.

I had no idea when the feature would drop and when we would be able to revisit the Grand Festival Grounds again. It could have been a week from now for all I knew. 

We got the confirmation almost instantaneously. I was overjoyed to be able to go right back but I also felt a little ridiculous for not playing the fest more if this would be the case.

I want to give a massive thank you to everyone who did play matches with me for Team Present though—especially my homies @Chandlier1229, @mxntymoon, @semisentientseafood, @epicyoshimaster and @kosirenn

Big ups to @CJHyperfresh and @Jasbiskus for inviting myself and my partner @squidryder to collab on an amazing stream. It was an unforgettable time and we had so many laughs.

Thank you Ryder for joining me in Tricolor and reacting to the results! You make me smile so much and your presence is a present.

Emotions were high throughout this whole event for a lot of us but personally, I wasn’t able to fully process it until things were ending.

I know I got overwhelmed with the vastness of everything and other more existential thoughts. So, I can only imagine what developing all of this was like.

Admittedly, I felt my reaction to Three Wishes was lackluster. The whole reason I went for an IRL stream was in case I didn’t say much and so that some emotion was visible. 

I cried the first time I heard the song and saw the lyrics but the tears weren’t happening that Saturday.

Granted, there’s a lot happening the first time you experience Three Wishes in-game, but the way the VOD turned out is something I can’t change much like my splatfest team.

While I had my reasoning for joining Team Present, perhaps I was too logical about it. Although that’s what the theme asks of you, I can’t help but lament on this a little bit. I want to work through this feeling.

I went in thinking that the present is where I can experience all of time. It’s a difficult concept and a part of me wishes I had treated it differently. Seeing clips from people playing the splatfest also got me in my feels, too. I wonder if I did enough.

As someone who chose Team Marie and fawns over her the most (Frye is probably a close second at this point), I thought about joining Past simply because she was fighting alongside Callie this time. 

The Squid Sisters had the most compelling splatfest art by far for the event and I know their Grand Fest outfits were my favorite. 

Their music saved me from the moment I played my first Splatoon 1 splatfest. I cried over the Plaza, over seeing them back in the DLC, over hearing City of Color leitmotifs to this day.

The Rainbow Color Inkantation version of it has so much urgency and emotion in the vocals, as if they’re urging you to remember them and fight for the past.

That’s not to say Off the Hook isn’t also meaningful to me, however. They are the reason I was able to pursue voice acting as a hobby in the first place, starting out with voicing over their splatfest dialogue. 

And of course, we all know their formation is still so closely linked to the Squid Sisters existing. Anyone who watches my streams can tell which group I go crazy over the most but choosing in terms of the passage of time may not let your choices align and check both boxes. I agonized over teams for a while.

Ultimately, I stuck to the question as best I could. 

Which is the most important to you?

Experiencing the now. Finally reaching that promised day. 

My memories are never super clear for me unless I preserve them in some form of writing, video or photo. Skill issue on my part but all brains are different. 

So, I repeated this a lot that fateful weekend: the present moment will always become the past so make it count. Choosing one doesn’t mean the other isn’t important but again it was truly difficult.

My past self got me where I am now and every decision I make in the present sets me up for success in the future. 

I grew up hearing that we don’t know what tomorrow looks like and you can’t obsess over it. Although, when you have good things to look forward to you can’t help but anticipate how they’ll play out. 

Past, present and future are intertwined and if you look at the splatfest theme graphic, you’ll see that all the ink swirls connect despite being different colors.

I think that’s why they called the second night of the Grand Festival the Day of Unity. We were all together to witness that performance regardless of team choice.

Music will always be the core of Splatoon and it will carry on across the sea of time, imbued by our passions and joys.

Good games, well played to everyone! I’m really grateful to have been here and seen every splatfest from the beginning this time around. Splatoon has been with me through every season of my life and it's ink-redible.

I have so much appreciation for everyone who stopped by the streams over the weekend. Doubly so for those who shared messages about when they first found my videos and the impact they’ve had.

I’m glad my enjoyment of Splatoon could resonate with you and go so far as to brighten your day.

We reached 3K followers on Twitch (another yearly milestone) with everyone’s support and I met so many new people. To those who know me from my videos only, I hope you’ll stick around for the ride.

Looking back, I started broadcasting there in late 2022 so I’ve streamed every Splatoon 3 splatfest since the World Premiere (aside from the ice cream theme since I was visiting family).

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts this weekend. It had been a rough few weeks leading up to Grand Fest, so, once again I’m glad I could be there in any capacity.

Thank you Splatoon team for everything you’ve created and I hope we can continue to show just how much this series means to us. It’s time for me to finish up some projects from the past.

This is my first post on this side blog but I plan on sharing more of my writings here so please look forward to it!

Sending you all so much love and strength, Yume