#even a healthy person wouldn't survive with just water

[lidoshka]

Is the fact Sanji probably eat human flesh a conversation the One Piece fandom has or...?

[pagesfromthevoid]

Safe & Sound | j.m.

Joel Miller x fem!reader

Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Canon typical violence. She’s Frank’s niece. Age gap (she’s 32). Mentions of tampons and periods (which idk if that’s a warning needed but just in case)

Author's Note: Casually starting another series (and I have like two more in the works woooooooops)

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

Ellie stared at the letter in her hand, biting her nail as she read it over slowly. Bill and Frank, who they had trekked all this way to see, were dead. She knew Joel wouldn’t be happy about this, but she also knew he wouldn't let her ask anything about it. He didn't let her ask questions, and even when he did, he passed on answering half of them. 

He was annoying like that.

“Ellie?” 

She looked up from the letter as Joel stepped back into the dining room. Holding up the letter, she gave him a grim look.

“‘To whoever finds this, but probably Joel,’” Ellie read off, waving the envelope some. “Figured I fell under ‘whoever.’”

Joel stared her down for a long moment, before shaking his head. “So they’re dead.”

“Yeah…yeah, they’re dead.” Ellie hesitated, looking between him and the letter. “Do you…?”

“No, no…you can.”

Ellie huffed but began reading, trying her best to be light about it. “‘If you find this, please make sure you check the yard. She should have buried us together, but you and I both know she probably couldn’t have done it alone…’”

Ellie continued reading, brow furrowing as she did. As the letter wrapped up, leaving Joel with everything, she hesitated on Tess’s name —as well as a name that Ellie didn’t recognize. Joel waited, watching her, before taking the letter from her hands. His hands shook some, hesitating a moment before he told Ellie to stay put and stormed outside. 

She waited a few minutes, half expecting to hear him scream or something equally as angry, but it never came. Going to peer out the window, she watched as Joel crumpled up the letter and walked to the opened gate. Ellie couldn’t see what he was doing —if he saw something that she couldn’t. But he stood and stared towards the empty town square. 

Ellie waited, then stood and moved to peer through the front door screen. Her eyes caught sight of what Joel was watching —a woman carrying a shotgun on her shoulder. Joel was not someone who just let people approach with guns, and Ellie connected pretty quickly that this woman had to be the other person mentioned in Bill’s letter.

“Miller,” the woman called as she got closer, stopping about five feet from the gate. “I assume you know then.”

Joel just nodded, and Ellie decided to make her presence known by stepping out of the house. He looked back at her as the woman pulled her gun from her shoulder. Without hesitation, Joel stepped in front of the barrel, putting his hands up. 

“Hey, she’s with me.”

The woman stared at Ellie for a long time, eyes darting between her and Joel. Then finally, her gun lowered and she came closer to the gate, stopping in front of Joel and holding out her hand. He hesitated, but set the crumpled paper in her palm.

From where Ellie stood, she could make out more details about the woman. She was way younger than Joel; didn’t have half the wrinkles or scars. And her hair was far from greying. Her clothes were clean, though overall she seemed to be relatively clean in general. Like she wasn’t just surviving, but actually thriving in this little town of her’s. She even looked healthy –not to say that Joel or Ellie didn’t look healthy, but this woman looked actually healthy. Not like she was just getting by on whatever she could. Like she actually ate meals and drank clean water and lived in a healthy way. Honestly, she was kind of pretty, which didn’t seem fair given no one else probably felt pretty these days. 

The woman pulled the letter apart, reading it over slowly. Ellie was pretty sure she was rereading it, since it wasn’t even that long, but Joel wasn’t rushing her, so Ellie decided to let the woman handle whatever she was feeling.

“Frank was sick,” she suddenly said, as if that explained anything. She didn’t look up from the letter. “He was sick even before the outbreak.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Joel managed to say, looking back at Ellie. “You don’t have to come with us. I know Bill’s letter said –,”

“I can’t stay here alone,” she interrupted, and she looked at Ellie now with a small frown. “And I know it’s not easy for a little girl to travel alone with a man.”

“I wouldn’t –,”

“I didn’t say that, you creep,” she immediately countered, giving him a dirty look. Joel glared at her, and Ellie wondered how well the two knew each other before today. “I just said I understand how it’s hard to be a fucking girl travelling with someone who knows jack shit about being a girl. It’s how I got here –with my uncle Frank, alone, at twelve.”

Ellie snickered at her outburst, earning a pointed scowl from Joel. But she ignored him, hopping off the top step of the porch. The woman watched her approach, moving to rest her shotgun on her shoulder again. Then she extended her hand to Ellie, introducing herself with a tired smile.

“I found a box of tampons,” Ellie told her once she introduced herself. “Joel said the station had been picked over –but he was wrong.”

“Find of the century,” she teased, grinning at her before looking back at Joel. “You know how tampons work, cowboy? Or were you just hoping she never started her period?”

“Don’t call me that,” Joel warned, moving away from the two now as he walked to the garage. “And I do, and it wasn’t exactly the first thought I had.”

Ellie snickered at the thought of Joel explaining how tampons worked, but reassured him that there was no reason to teach her. “I already know you stick it in your nose.”

“Ellie, what the fu –,”

The woman laughed however, covering her face as she did so. Ellie felt smug, having made a stranger laugh, even if it was at the expense of the old man in front of her. Though, Joel seemed less than thrilled by the whole thing. 

Ellie and her exchanged glances as their laughter died down. Then she motioned to the house. “Water should still be on –it’s hot. I’ll find you both some clean clothes and you can both shower.”

“Holy shit, they have hot water?” Ellie exclaimed, looking up at her with shock and disbelief.

“The hottest,” she promised, motioning them both inside.

Ellie didn’t hesitate to run inside and back up the stairs.

*****

Joel watched Ellie practically trip running up the stairs of the house as he followed Frank’s niece inside. While he understood her excitement –shit, he was excited, if he was being honest –she was going to get herself hurt if she didn’t take it down a few notches. When the door to the bathroom slammed shut, he turned his attention to the woman in front of him, who was motioning for him to follow her to the kitchen.

A thin layer of dust had collected over everything, making that one of the only real signs of abandonment in the house. But the water ran, the power was still on. It was a strange, almost painful, scene of normalcy in their bleak world. Bill and Frank’s always felt like that, though –a brief moment of domesticity before returning to the nightmare that Joel lived in.

With Bill and Frank both dead, however, that feeling of normalcy died with them.

“You look like shit,” she pointed out, breaking through his train of thought.

“Feel like it,” he confirmed, sitting at the counter. She slid an unopened bottle of water to him, and Joel gave a curt nod in thanks. “Been trying to get here for two days now.”

“Where’s Tess?”

The question lingered in the air, hitting him hard in the chest. She knew the answer, and he knew she knew. Joel was good at pushing his feelings aside, but blunt, to the point questions like that didn’t give him a chance to hide. So when he didn’t respond, she leaned on the counter in front of him, brows knit together in concern.

“Okay,” she drawled, looking around the kitchen for a moment. “Then tell me about Ellie. What’s the deal?”

“I’m takin’ her west –to my brother,” he explained, and it wasn’t necessarily a lie. He was going to take her west to Tommy. 

“What’s the importance of getting this little girl out west –at the loss of Tess?” She pushed, pulling back from the counter to stand up straight. 

“Stop,” he snapped, looking at her now with a sharp glare. “It’s not your business.”

“If I’m coming with you —it is my business,” she retorted, giving him a pointed look. 

“Then don’t,” he countered, standing up now as she went through the cabinets. 

“And run the risk of being a woman, alone, at the end of the fucking world?” She scoffed, turning around to face him again. Her arms crossed over her chest, but not in a way that felt snarky —it was a softer gesture; one that suggested fear. Joel couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her afraid of anything. Her eyes dropped to the floor for a moment before she looked back up at him. Joel’s brows furrowed as he stood up straighter. “There’s been raiders scoping out the fence —I can’t maintain it, and I can only do so much before they finally figure out how to get through. Don’t…don’t leave me here alone, Joel.”

His jaw clenched as he watched her, instinctively clutching his fists at his side as he considered why she didn’t want to be alone. When Bill and Frank were alive, she was safe here. There wasn’t any reason to be worried about someone getting through —Bill made sure of it. But she was right; she couldn’t maintain this set up. Not alone, not as meticulously as Bill had. 

“You’re not stayin’ here alone,” he finally sighed, running a hand over his face, closing his eyes. There wasn’t a valid argument against her coming; and it was what Bill and Frank wanted. “We’re goin’ to Wyoming; my brother is out there.”

“Doesn’t explain the girl,” she pressed, though her tone wasn’t as pushy as before. “Is she your brother’s kid or…?”

“We’re not related,” he confirmed, finally opening the bottle of water she had given him. “She’s…complicated.” Joel realized that he had to explain Ellie to her, or run the risk of her freaking out if she saw the bite. And it was better to explain it now, in a safe place, than later in the open. “She’s…immune to the infection.”

Her arms dropped to her sides slowly as she looked at him in disbelief. “What do you mean she’s immune?”

“I mean, she’s been bitten twice now and hasn’t turned. I’ve been with her both times; and you know me. You know damn well if she was infected, I would —,”

“I know.” She waved him off, the disbelief shifting into confusion as she leaned on the kitchen counter once more. “So what, then? Where are we taking her?”

“There’s a team of Fireflies that apparently think they can make a cure usin’ her. I was asked to take her to them.”

She hummed a bit in response, looking up at him for a few seconds. Joel shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, trying to look anywhere but her. 

The first time Joel and Tess had met Bill and Frank was nearly a decade ago. He hadn’t wanted to interact with them; had no desire to bring anyone else into the operation the two had been running. But Tess had insisted on it, saying that Frank had been open and clear about what they had and could trade. Eventually, he had given in and they ended up there in Lincoln, pretending life was normal for just a little while. 

That was the same day he’d met her. Barely twenty-two, having been raised in both worlds. Joel hadn’t seen someone as pretty as her in a long time; a healthy glow around her. Shining eyes, and a sweet smile. It felt wrong to find her so attractive at the time –she was so damn young, and the world hadn’t completely ruined her yet. She had been helping Frank tend the garden out back and talking to Tess, who was surprised that a young woman had been living there the entire time.

“She’s my niece,” Frank had explained, wrapping an arm around her shoulders with a small smile. “Bill saved us both, and we’ve been here since.”

Every time they had come back since then –a handful of times over the last decade –she was always there, always just as pretty. Excited when they would bring new things like seeds for fruits or medicine that they couldn’t otherwise get out there on their own. She was quieter then; not necessarily shy, but not willing to interrupt when business was being spoken. Joel could only assume her change in behavior had come the last few years of coping with Frank being sick. And with Bill having taken his life as well…Perhaps she was a bit jaded to the world now. But hell, who wasn’t?

“Come on, cowboy,” she finally decided, motioning for him to follow again. “The truck battery is charging; I’ll go get some clothes for you and Ellie, and we can start packing up supplies.”

He gave her a dirty look, but she ignored him.

“Bill left everything to me,” Joel suddenly announced, following her into the living room. “Well, most of it. He left the house to you.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” she sighed, stopping outside a linen closet. Though she pointed at the couch and told him to sit down. “As if I need a house if I’m going with you.”

“Maybe he thought you’d come back one day,” Joel offered as he sat down. He let out a satisfied groan, sinking into the cushions.

For a few minutes, he didn’t respond to whatever she was saying, instead too caught up in how nice it felt to sit down on something actually soft. His body ached, and he wasn’t the young man he once was. And goddamn, the couch felt fantastic on his aching joints. 

“You look like you’re in heaven,” she teased, bringing a box in and setting it on the coffee table. The shower had shut off, and Ellie was yelling about clothes. “You can take a nap, Joel. You look like you need it. It won’t kill you to rest.”

“It’s fine –,”

She threw a shirt at him, hitting him in the face. He scowled, but she was just grinning knowingly. “I’ll bring her clean clothes. You’re gonna shower, and you’re gonna take a nap –me and the kid can start packing up.”

Joel hesitated, staring at the clean flannel in his hands. Then he sighed, caving. “Just don’t let her have a gun.”

“Whatever you say, cowboy.”

[septembersghost]

I just realized that Taylor hasn't truly been single since like 2014. In 2014-15 early she was in a relationship-ish thing with harry. In 2015-16 she was with calvin. In 2016 she was with tom then joe untill now. But something tells me she is now stronger than ever and healthier than she's ever been mentally enough to let go of a man she thought was the love of her life and that makes me so proud of her. And I am thankful that joe alwyn was in her life when she needed him.

agreed <333 the stark difference here (other than the growth that's come with maturity of years) is that she was...not doing well at that time, and none of the relationships were stable or healthy, and she was going through upheaval and personal struggles, and hadn't begun to deal with her trauma, she was just trying her best to keep her head above water and survive somehow. it's sort of that idea of accepting what we think we deserve - she felt for such a long time that nobody would sign up to be with her, that she wouldn't find real, steady love, so she'd take what she got. joe changed everything. having joe as an anchor in her life not only helped her survive, but thrive. she realized what love truly can be, she embraced that journey of recovery (which of course is ongoing, but she has come SO far and it's a powerful thing!), she found that she CAN have love and privacy and joy and her career and success without being torn to pieces, she found such creative inspiration and blossomed so much as an artist and a woman, and the fact that he was there holding her hand and supporting and helping her through all of that while she needed it and as they grew together is wonderful. that will NEVER be anything but the remarkable love and path that it was! like...people invalidating invisible string, no! the invisible string still matters and it isn't cut! it's just unfurling in different directions now. hell was the journey, but it brought me heaven isn't suddenly untrue. she had that. they had that love. all they shared and found and CREATED together is still true. this doesn't - and shouldn't - diminish that, and he's part of her artistic legacy forever, not only as a muse, not only as a partner, but as a collaborator too, and we can still celebrate that. thank goodness they had each other during these years, i mean that. no matter what happened, i am so grateful for him. i am so grateful taylor had that love. i am so proud of the woman and artist she is now. and that love will always live in her music and in them, even though it ended. it's a part of them always, and we know it was real and it's still there in the music. step into the daylight and let it go, but that light was still so golden.

[requiem-fics]

hihii can i request your hcs of this but with geto?? thank you <3 you don't have to write it if you don't want to. love you, don't forget to drink water, take care!

hiiii ♡ of course! I've been really loving writing Geto content lately ;_; and thank you for asking so nicely! Hope you're taking care of yourself too ♡ Suguru Geto with sensitive, innocent and easily flustered s/o:

Geto may be intimidating, but he can have such a soft spot for those who he deems are more vulnerable, and this would absolutely extend to any partner he has.

"I had no idea you were so... innocent." He'd dance around the topic, but he thinks it's cute when his partner gets easily embarrassed.

Beneath his smug and moody exterior, he's definitely more sensitive than people initially see him as, always feeling second-best compared to Gojo, and also feeling like an outcast growing up as the only sorcerer in his own family, he's a tough exterior to crack, but a more sensitive s/o could definitely be someone he feels safe enough around to open up.

While he may not be the most innocent, (okay- this man is FAR from innocent), he tends to like innocence in a partner. He wants to be the more dominant one in any relationship. Being able to teach his s/o new things and expose them to the world would feel very meaningful to him.

Before seriously dating, loves catching glimpses of being stared at. He secretly thrives on attention and admiration, so knowing he has a distant admirer is healthy fuel for his ego.

Likes to set a HIGH standard for himself and those around him. He prides himself in being an excellent lover and partner, and wants to ensure he's constantly living up to his partner's expectations.

Even at the expense of what others may think - he'll put his s/o's opinion on a pedestal above anyone else's. Geto can survive disappointing others, but could never live with himself if he were to disappoint his partner.

That's why, no matter how shy and passive his s/o may be, he'll strive to understand them better than anyone else ever could.

"It's cold out. You're going to get sick dressed like that."

Will never hesitate to wrap his partner up in his robes if he ever senses they're cold.

Seriously, he's so attentive, his partner wouldn't even need to ask for anything. Geto would almost immediately know what's needed of him.

Very few people get to know this man intimately, he even keeps those he cares about at a distance sometimes, so his s/o will need to be persistent, even when it's not easy to keep reaching out, but Geto can't keep the right person away for long. His true loved ones mean too much for him to stay away.

Luckily for a s/o who's easily flustered, Geto is pretty private.

Grandiose gestures of love aren't the norm for him, especially not in public. Hand-holding and forehead kisses are typically the extent of his PDA.

Although, if he ever catches someone even looking at them weirdly in public, he'd fully jump into defensive-boyfriend mode. Arms shielding his partner, and quick to glare down at anyone who dares make them uncomfortable.

Especially if he knows how shy his s/o is. He'll gladly assume the position of being the protective one, speaking up so they don't need to, and it's a role he's very comfortable in.

"You're okay. Don't worry, you're safe with me." He'll be very calm and reassuring, but there's a definite rigidness to him after something like this happens.

He'd never make a scene in front of his partner, but if he were to later run into that person alone, he'd let them have it.

In private, he can be very lavish in his affections. Flowers and small, thoughtful gifts become almost routine, and he loves seeing his partner's reaction to these small displays, and if they get flustered, that's even more enjoyable.

He's also quite introverted, so a shy s/o would fit quite naturally into his lifestyle. He can talk to just about anyone, but enjoys his time at home, and if he can spend it with someone who's as crazy about him as he is about them, all the better.

[egg-emperor]

Eggman's pollution of countless ecosystems isn't too farfetched since in real life there are many companies that pollute ecosystem, some even cruelly test on animals (not even for medical purposes) , just to make a quick buck. The animals live short miserable lives. Don't get me started on the logging companies that destroy countless amazonian rainforests (and kill the inhabitants both human and animal) all out of greed.

Yeah while Eggman has done a lot of crazy out there things that'd be impossible in real life like awakening giant monsters, blowing up the moon, breaking apart the world, etc- but one of the big things he's been the villain for since the beginning with the damage he does to nature, wildlife, the environment, and the general theme of animal abuse has always been very realistic and makes him a very serious threat.

Every level of the dead and polluted bad future in CD is the best example of the horrible state the world would end up in if Eggman had his way and how even his poor robots will be lay to waste all broken down and sad looking, let alone the fact that poor animals are being used inside

He also owns an ocean of oil and it wouldn't be surprising if an element of his greed was also in there and he sold some for money

He has nature burned and bombed and it likely kills tons of wildlife too

And deforestation with his robots cutting down trees

And of course there's tons and tons more all throughout the series, he's infamous for it. It's the very first thing that tells us he's the bad guy in the series. It's unfortunate how a lot of fans in recent years have tried to find reasons why this actually isn't so bad and harmful or that he has good but misguided intentions in it, it's missing the whole message.

I've also somehow seen claims that he's gotten better and doesn't do that anymore? Lol. The last time he used animals in robots was Lost World, just two games ago,

he also didn't care about damage caused by his machine that sucked life from the world to selfishly use for power in his creations as long as they're was still something left for him to conquer,

it was also literally the whole focus of his Forces propaganda video was him literally advertising a polluted world as beautiful and desired by showing a happy healthy world and saying "why have THIS-"

"when you could have THIS"

Then the rest of it was him promoting a fucked up way for people to survive without clean air, by giving up their free will and becoming mindless robot slaves with his robotomy treatment- which is all he really cares about instead of actually helping people. That's another way he specifically desires to damage and pollute, because of that benefit.

And all the destruction of how everything was set ablaze, the desertification drying up waters, and the operations for deforestation going on in the actual game of Forces too all begs to differ on the claim that he's stopped lol

Credit for that last cool detail

It's still very much a thing in his character. That also gives a very important message against harming the environment and that humans are capable of harming and using it for many greedy reasons and destroying it carelessly for selfish gain. They don't have a good reason, they don't think they're doing the right thing, they're doing it just for profit and gain and don't care.

Eggman does extreme damage to nature, the environment, and wildlife, on a global scale multiple times too- to the point he's broken the entire world itself apart. He represents a dark part of humanity that sees the world as nothing but resources to use up until they're gone in selfishness and greed and are also apathetic towards the damage done in general with pollution and waste.

It is very realistic and terrifying, it's a huge part of what makes Eggman such a dangerous threat and diabolical villain! In that particular area of evil, he is a very real person that could exist- and there are people like him that do exist and cause harm in similar ways. Just because we've become so used to it happening in the world, doesn't mean it isn't bad or should be downplayed or dismissed in fiction!

[screechingsigh]

Dad is probably angry. He let my strictly indoor cat run outside. He might get lost outside and never come back. He might get run over by a car. I'd never see him again. He is a picky eater who'll give him food that he likes.

Dad often tells me I am being too much and my cat is an unnecessary addition. There are 5 cats in the house right now. Dad brought the first one. She was tiny around 4 days old. He rescued the kitten brought is home and he was done. I bought bottles, learned to make replacement food for the kitten and the bought KMR with my own savings. I took care of a 4days old kitten feeding her every 2 hours for 24 hours round the clock. Fed her, help her pee, hot water bags. Every 2 hours. She was weak a terribly weak kitten. Nobody thought she'd survive.

My dad brought my Grandma home and asked me to share my room with her because my grandma needs someone to keep an eye on her. 96 years old is pretty old. I was stuck between a 2 weeks old kitten and a 96 year old grandma.

I would run to the kitten whenever she meowed. At two weeks old she didn't grow enough fur like a healthy kitten would.

My grandma is a weird person she'd ask for my help even when she needs to walk to the washroom while she could actually go by herself. I'd always keep an eye whenever she went to washroom anyway. She would not get up to eat she wants to eat lying down. I helped her everytime to get up and eat while sitting. Then one day I saw she simply got up by herself and went to washroom then came back and lie down again. She was fast and swift. And here I thought it's difficult for her to move by herself so I needed to be her walking stick. She never used one btw. Then I got in the room with her food and as usual she refused to sit up and eat. I was dumbfounded. If you can move that fast and efficient why would you not sit up and eat?

And there was the thing she did. Every half an hour she would ask me to switch on/off the fan. Sometimes every 10/15 mins. Even if I was taking a nap (I barely slept for around 3/4 hours a day while taking care of the kitten my dad brought and grandma). I was sleep deprived. Well I do have insomnia but that doesn't mean I need no sleep. My eyes and head hurt every single day. I kept up for 2 months like this.

During these two months my dad was very amiable with me. He actually gave me 45$ after that two hellish months saying I earned it. Which I ended up spending behind the cat he brought. Cats are costly. Not for my dad but for me a recent graduate with part-time online job and loads of failed interviews.

The only positive thing my grandma every said to me that I was taller than her. She also often speak about how my hair is short how I am not girly enough how I am too tall to find a good husband

how my skin color isn't bright enough

Now a days I don't care about her much. I left my room to her. Moved inside the storeroom. Shut the door turn off the light put on my earphones. Finally it's peaceful.

I am preparing for a job interview again. Hopefully I'll have better luck this time. And the male cat I adopted so my dad's cat (which I took care of) wouldn't develop a single kitten symptom.. I just hope my dad won't drive him away.

It's not that unlikely for dad to drive my cat away. He wants me gone as well after all. We are both unwanted. I wish I could function like everyone else does. I'd have been easier to secure a job.

[dcwnthercbbithcle]

ZURIYA BACKSTORY DUMP ( 1/??? )

Zuriya is neither a child of status or money, surprisingly enough, though one may think it from looking at her and her personality so seemingly untethered from the horror and hopelessness of her world.

Zuriya was willed into the custody of a healing temple when she was little more than a year into the world, after her mother, her last surviving immediate adult family member, died of Dry Rot and she and her siblings were entering the earliest signs of the infection.

Dry Rot is a viral infection contracted exclusively from drinking contaminated water sources, and is known to, among other nasty symptoms, cause: physical wasting, loss of appetite unto starvation, muscle atrophy, and eventually if untreated: death. It has an extremely low survival rate in outworld, solely due to the poorness and remoteness of communities it infects.

Zuriya was eventually cured of the infection, two years after contracting it, with two of her siblings following shortly thereafter and one passing away.

From what Zuriya has heard from the lips of the priestesses who cared for her mother prior to her death, she believes her family had in actuality originated from Kaljur, a highly, highly remote community in the mountainous wastes at the bridge of Shokan and Tarkatan territory.

According to what was said; her entire family, not solely mother and father, but extended relatives as well as family friends left the community in a flock when the first signs of Dry Rot arose in the town. They'd traveled to three healing temples before making it to Tyharas, all of which shared the same sentiment: they didn't have the resources to treat them. Yet they persisted, more and more of the group died off and dwindled from the hot, merciless desert, the bandits, the Kahn's men, enemy Tarkatan tribes... until it was only Zuriya, her siblings and mother left.

The knowledge was far less... fulfilling than Zuriya would have hoped. It left her enraged, frustrated and so, so empty. She wasn't abandoned, there was no blame, no spite for her success to rise from, only love. Her parents loved her, her family loved her, loved all of them. They had traveled across a continent on foot to try and treat her, and yet, they couldn't see that she was safe. They would never see her success, that their efforts weren't in vain, they wouldn't see themselves reflected through her, they wouldn't get to know her, and her them. They did everything right, and yet...

She doesn't like to talk about it, she doesn't like to acknowledge it. Though their love and sacrifice never for a moment leaves her mind or heart. At times, she considers if they would be proud of her. She hopes so, just as she hopes that one day, she may encounter their spirits in her travels.

During her recovery, Zuriya managed to catch the hearts of many of the priestesses and shrine tenders in the temple she resided. Her never fading happiness, her trust and energy and perhaps the guilt over the fate of her mother never left them the once. Even after she had recovered from her battle and became the happy go lucky, healthy child she deserved to be. To that end, when the time came that their morally obligated care for her ended, rather than send her away, to the arms of strangers, the temple chose to adopt her and her siblings into their numbers, taking them on as novitiates and wards in the process.

For her siblings, the temple maidens, priestesses and shrine tenders were merely family for them, but it seemed Zuriya would follow their lead beyond maternal affection, into the planes of the spiritual and magical.

From the age of 8, or at least the Edenian equivalent of it, she was serving as the squire for masters in scripture, worship and magic, learning the craft from their hands and mouth. From 10, she was practicing the magic on her own under their eyes. At 12, she had proved she had the mind to not only reflect the magic of others but to spin her own.

When Zuriya was 15, she had finally laid the groundwork that lead her to preforming magic as intricate dances and song, a feat uncommon in Edenian cultures and in her home territory of Outworld as a whole, which did not even account for the natural talent Zuriya seemed to display in the arts.

These feats quickly gained her recognition in the world around her, like the wake of a droplet in a still pond. Her magics became well wanted and sought after and soon, this demand for her talents, served to support her research into them.

Not all the attention garnered was positive. In her home temple, the women that had raised her soon found worry for her talents taking her down a darker path. They worried about her, about the world she could possibly influence. So they halted the show and for a time, her dreams. They wanted her to refocus, to walk back in the path of the Elder Goddess that had brought her, her mother and siblings to their doorstep.

This effort... though well intentioned, did little more than to teach Zuriya the value of forming personas and stretching the truth to make characters of herself.

[davekat-sucks]

I hate how the pale quadrant has been watered down to the “best friend” quadrant. It’s a system made to keep violent trolls in check. (In an ideal world, trolls would be so pacified they wouldn’t even need moirails.) Because of this misinterpretation, ships like arasol are strongly regarded as pale despite vriska referring to sollux as aradia’s boyfriend because apparently “you can’t be best friends with your matesprit cause the best friend quadrant is the pale quadrant”!! Does this make sense?

Guess they never heard of childhood friends to lovers before. The only other reason people see Arasol as pale is because of Nepeta's shipping wall that has them as one, though Nepeta had thought they were deep red. I wouldn't take Nepeta's shipping wall as the definitive since Nepeta's own opinions may be proven wrong, as we see with the Gamrezi one here.

Not only that, sensual gestures like hugging and kissing are seen to be exclusive to redrom by the fandom, despite that it's not like fucking sex. You can still hug and kiss your friend in a platonic manner. If Equius and Nepeta can still be playful with another with Nepeta tackling Equius and Equius ready to throw Nepeta for an attack, then even something as simple as holding hands or hug is fine. With the moiraillegence to be defined as two mutual parties help one another to keep the violent tendencies down, they should remember that Nepeta had said that if she wasn't around, Equius would have been a completely different person. Nepeta may seem like a good troll, but Equius would still comment how her hunting lusii can still be seen as savage, even if it means survival. Other moirails include Feferi and Eridan. While not the best example as it is one-sided, it at least shows Feferi keeping an eye on Eridan so he wouldn't kill all land dwellers. Sure he may not have executed in fear of losing people like Karkat. But there could have been a chance he would have caused a genocide and Feferi wanted to avoided that. That one-sided moirail could have been explored more after the shooshpap with Gamzee and Karkat. He was aware that Gamzee had broken into a violent streak and was able to calm him down, but didn't do much after it. At best, he only asked Kanaya not to slice him down. It's that mistake that would make him regret it upon [S]GAME OVER. Karkat may blame Gamzee, but he himself is no saint if Karkat had shown more remorse towards his friends that were dead and done something that isn't just sitting around doing nothing on the meteor. It would be interesting to see the combination of pairs that want to help keep the violent tendencies down for trolls. And for the human side, maybe it could be trying to help each other get over certain bad habits or finding healthy ways to express themselves.

[dekatsu]

"The more you know" or

"What on earth are you doing with my tulips!"

for the fic thingy please

For some reason, the tulips part really threw me off and I struggled to make something out of it. Then I just gave up and thought, to piss with it. It's been a while since I wrote something so here we go. I hope you enjoy it.

___

"Why am I here again?" Uraraka asked for the third time and still, Izuku didn't answer her. Being forcefully taken from your comfortable home in the middle of the night, just to sit in some bushes and watch flowers, was not the way Uraraka imagined her night to go.

"So," she tried again, yawning in the face of Izuku's ignorance.

When he finally turned to her, he was biting his nails, looking distraught. "Something is messing with my tulips."

Uraraka stared at him, unimpressed. She could be sleeping right now. "Your tulips?"

"Yes! I haven't figured out what, but it gives them magical properties, which messes up my medical remedies. And you are the only witch I know. Please help me figure this out." Izuku turned back to his flowers, his voice lowering to mutter, "I have been watching them all day but noticed nothing. So, it must happen during the night but I'm not well versed in magic, so I could have missed it. Still, something is going on and I really need to figure this out before Iida comes for the next batch of his order." Then, he turned to her again, eyes pleading. "Please help me out."

And in all his mumbling, Uraraka almost got swept away by his ridiculous thought process. "Izuku," Uraraka started. "What the hell?"

"They got magical!"

"It could be literally anything! And I could be in bed right now."

Izuku squirmed a bit but decided to stand his ground. "You don't get it! I tested everything for magic but the only result I get is that the ground is getting infused with something. And it's not the water nor anything else. Only my tulips show those symptoms. Something is messing with my flowers and I really have to figure out what it is! So please."

Uraraka stared at him for a little longer, the determined glint in his eyes even visible in this dark night. Then she sighed, knowing that whatever caught Izuku's frenzy wouldn't survive his curiosity. She just hoped they figured it out tonight. Surely she wouldn’t let herself be dragged out again like this.

"Fine," she said, giving up. "But we better finish this fast-"

"Hey!" Izuku suddenly shouted, jumping up and pointing his finger at something.

"What?" Uraraka asked, spooked. It couldn't be this easy, could it?

"You!" Deku rushed forward, ready to confront whatever he saw.

A loud growl answered him. Uraraka stood up, taking a few steps back as she did so. "Izuku," she called, thinking of a defensive spell, strong enough to protect them. The view in front of her made goosebumps rise on her skin.

But of course Izuku didn't listen. Instead, he rushed forward, directly into the personal space of the goddamn werewolf in his flower garden.

His finger pointedly stabbed the growling beast in the chest as he demanded, "what on earth are you doing with my tulips!"

Uraraka had no chance to utter a spell.

The werewolf tackled Izuku to the ground and she screamed, immediately rushing forward to try and pry them off of each other and erect a barrier. Her struggles proved to be unnecessary because even before she reached them, Izuku somehow found enough strength to push the werewolf onto the ground and sit on him.

Uraraka stared, surprised beyond belief. "Izuku," she said, heart racing. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. But this one won't be for long." Izuku shook the werewolf for good measures and repeated his earlier demand. "What were you doing to my tulips?"

The werewolf, now that Uraraka could take a proper look at him, was obviously injured and looked rather malnourished. A far outcry from what he could have been, if he were healthy. Yet, he still found it in humself to grin at them, showing off his teeth as he answered, "guess, idiot."

And Izuku, taking that for what it was, looked him up and down before guessing, "you ate them? But that wouldn't give them magical properties."

Uraraka rubbed her forehead. This is proving to be a challenging night and not much because of any danger. "That's not it, Izuku."

"But he looks like he's starving. He doesn't even have enough strength to push me off."

"Fuck you," the werewolf shouted, immediately struggling again. Izuku didn't budge, Uraraka had to give it to him. Then again, even Uraraka couldn't bring herself to be scared anymore, seeing the pitiful way the wolf looked.

"Hey, stop that. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'll hurt you, asshole! Get off me!"

"Stop eating my flowers!"

"I ain't eating shit of yours. Get off me."

"Then what the hell have you been doing to my tulips? I need those for business!"

"I pissed on them," the werewolf growled back, before shuddering and transforming into a wolf.

Uraraka suppressed her laughter at the expression on Izuku’s face. Maybe the night was salvageable after all.

Izuku stared, speechless. Then he got off the wolf, and continued to stare. Uraraka herself would probably be as surprised if she didn't know what she knew about werewolves.

"I didn't kill him, did I?" Izuku whispered, worry evident in his voice.

Uraraka finally let out a snort before she glanced back at the wolf. "I think he's just exhausted."

That brought a frown right back to Izuku's face. "From pissing on my tulips?"

My god, Uraraka thought, rather amused by the whole situation, what the hell has my night turned into?

"Izuku, he's obviously fought for this territory and got away the victor. He's marking it now that it is his."

"Well..." Izuku kneeled down, poking the wolf. "But it's mine."

"Werewolves have their own set of rules for such things."

Izuku didn't reply for a few seconds, still poking the sleeping wolf in the muzzle. Uraraka wondered if she should stop him before he lost the hand.

Then again, Izuku rarely listened.

Before she could say anything though Izuku stopped and gathered the unconscious wolf in his arms. "I don't care about territory or whatnot but once he wakes up, he better stop that."

"What are you doing with him?" Uraraka asked, worried anew. Izuku had the craziest ideas and it was better to nip them in the bud.

"Getting him somewhere warm and then giving him some food, maybe."

"Why?"

"To bribe him into stopping this." Izuku nodded to his tulips.

Well, Uraraka thought, that's it. I'm done. "You know what, that's a wonderful idea. Can I go home now?"

[personally-probiscuits]

Minecraft Mob Thoughts...

I love Minecraft, and I love the idea of Minecraft. I love everything Minecraft. BUT, there is one thing I love more. Fanmade Minecraft version of mobs. I have never seen one I've truly hated (and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you).

So I'm here to supply you, dear reader (great now I sound like Enola Holmes), with my thoughts on how a realistic version of the Minecraft world would work--specifically the mobs.

P.S., most of the information stated below will be from a large number of resources (some of which I just got from my science teacher and other background knowledge) so I will not be stating every resource I use.

Charles Darwin, a man of science and likely good eyesight, is most famous for his finches. To summarize Darwin's finches, he visited the Galapagos Islands and noticed that the finches on different islands had different beaks. "...long, pointed beaks served well for snatching insects while broad, blunt beaks work best for cracking seeds and nuts," Stated Leah Brown for Harvard University. Because of this, Darwin proposed his theory of evolution by natural selection. A key point of natural selection is that individuals in a species show a wide range of variation.

Do you see where I'm getting at?

I believe in a semi-realistic world of Minecraft, the mobs wouldn't have one set of features all over the world in every biome, they would have different characteristics to help them survive. So those fluffy creeper stuffed animals? Those would very likely exist in snow biomes in Minecraft due to creatures needing to have warmth to survive! (So cute, but so deadly...)

For example, I will use one of my least favorite mobs, the enderman. I will not explain, but I despise it and dear it and am revolted by it...but it makes for a good example.

Basic information about enderman to get this example going: the enderman is a neutral mob that (unfortunately) is found in every biome. This mob attacks only if it is looked directly in the eye or if it is attacked. It's a tall mob (about three blocks high, about three meters high, and about 9.9 ft.) with lanky arms and legs, and a jaw that unhinges when angry. And, likely most important to this headcanon, the enderman is harmed by water.

In this semi-realistic Minecraft world, I will base the biomes on real-life biomes. So in this world, Rainforests are the habitats with the most rainfall, therefore being dangerous to MOST enderman. But, luckily, one enderman was strangely born with a small, dense layer of fur and naturally oily skin (like a beaver). Because of this, rainfall does not affect the enderman, because rain cannot reach the enderman's skin. This enderman reproduces (if they even do that) and ends up with all rainforest enderman having this layer of fur.

Now, if you dare say that "Well they can just teleport away," I will reach through the screen and smack you for your utter stupidity. No offense(-ish). Enderman can teleport about 32 meters, excluding additional Y-axis movement. And since I'm basing this semi-realist Minecraft world on the real world, these rainforests are about twelve million kilometers (about three billion acres). The enderman has forty healthy points and let's say that water takes only one point. Even if it was teleporting every second, it wouldn't make it out of the rainforest. So it'd need to adapt.

That's all for my personal thoughts on Minecraft natural selection headcanons.

[infinitcnexus]

🍰: What's something your OC counts as unforgivable?

🍷: What's one of your OC's pet peeves concerning food?

🍟: What does your OC admit to be their guilty pleasure? What actually is their guilty pleasure?

For Shrike, Sebasthiel, and Dana

🍰: What's something your OC counts as unforgivable?

Shrike: Willingly exploiting others for your selfish ends. He's painfully aware that he's a hypocrite and won't deny it, as part of his job as the Harbinger of Vengeance requires him to manipulate mortals to his benefit. A part of his desire to help people with little to no reward, aside from not wanting them to be in his situation, is to also atone for his hypocritical way.

Sebasthiel: Taking advantage of his forgiving nature, and by extension his role as a Peacekeeper, by committing heinous acts after promising to change for the better. He would muster all of his willpower to avoid lashing out in anger, but he would be extremely disappointed.

Dana: Dana would have a bone to pick with people who neglect/abuse children, especially if they willingly abandon them to fend for themselves. She wouldn't want anybody else to go through the same situation she did as a child.

🍷: What's one of your OC's pet peeves concerning food?

Shrike: To Shrike, repackaging what should be free and essential to life (such as water, for example) and selling them at a price, big or small. He won't judge people that buy bottled or canned water to survive because their tap water is polluted, but the greedy capitalists who don't give a bless about people's financial stability and the environment.

Sebasthiel: Wasting food. As someone who operates a barista as a day job, he's used to getting rid of half-finished food and beverage, but that doesn't mean he's comfortable about it. If nobody is looking, he would stealthily employ some magick to erase them from existence instead of dumping them in the trash.

Dana: People not having any standards regarding food. When she was still living as a young street urchin, Dana would take whatever food she gets her hands on just to not starve. It doesn't matter if it's a box of stale pizza someone dumped in the garbage or a can of beef stew she stole from a grocery store. It wasn't until she met Tony and began living with him that she started to appreciate the value of meals being prepared not only with nutrition in mind but also love.

As an adult, Dana would occasionally volunteer for a community soup kitchen. Nobody will risk their lives eating mystery stew or poor sapient's potluck as long as she's involved.

🍟: What does your OC admit to be their guilty pleasure? What actually is their guilty pleasure?

Shrike: Karaoke. He will admit to most people that he often sings metal, often nu-metal, as a means of venting his frustration from his thankless job. However, he finds himself liking to sing Japanese songs such as this one, for example, even though he only understands the lyrics from looking up the translation online. Given Little Naraka's reputation as a place that treats the rest of New Ch'thon with a healthy dose of hospitality and well-deserved caution, it's a secret he and a trusted few know about.

Sebasthiel: If people ask him about his guilty pleasure in a public setting, Sebasthiel would admit that he loves eating sweets and pastries he either bought from a store or made himself. However, he likes to sketch in his free time, with his preferred subject being nude male and female models. Because of how mainstream angelic society like to keep the discussion about sensual subjects on the down low, Sebasthiel keeps his sketches stored in a secret place.

Dana: As a person with a physically demanding job and lifestyle, Dana would say that her guilty pleasure is eating a truck ton of food by the end of the day. However, if she can afford it, she would buy takeout from Bael Burger, one of New Ch'thon major fast-food chains. Sure, the quality of the food and customer service may vary from restaurant to restaurant, but sometimes all she wants in her unlife is to chill with a large double-stacked burger in one hand and a smoothie in the other.

[independentzaun]

What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

This is going to get me canceled…

It’s not that I disagree with their traits. It’s that I disagree with how far they take them. Loyalty is a good thing, sometimes violence is necessary, I completely understand holding a grudge for years because someone betrayed you, fight for a better tomorrow, so on and so forth. What I don’t agree with is the immediately willingness to torture someone, to murder, to set up a council of profit seeking parasites that have no real intention of actually working together to improve things, raising a child (Jinx) to see violence as a quick immediate response with… let’s be honest here. No real limitations. As much as I love Silco, and Jinx, if he’d done a better job with her she wouldn’t be tormenting bartenders and completely disrespecting his second in command and would have more healthy coping skills. He could easily have encouraged her towards animatronics and art instead of bombs and guns. There’s a difference between encouraging a natural inclination and skills, and effectively removing all boundaries and everyone needs boundaries particularly while growing up.

To be honest Sevika is the most well adjusted of all of them, and that’s not saying much.

I’m not going to talk bad about Shimmer because it is a very worthwhile product, but what I will say is that with all the money a drug that can be used for medicinal purposes and fighting and to power prosthetics and create chemtanks and all with as well as just for personal enjoyment… not putting that money DIRECTLY back into the community for viable schools, food, water processing, and other things that would improve everyone’s life in Zaun is a mistake because improving peoples lives make them stronger and that makes them more resistant to Piltover’s influence and less willing to accept Piltover’s exploitation when they know they can still survive and perhaps even thrive without Piltover.

I could go on but in essence I disagree with how far they take their traits, and in some cases how they work towards the goals their traits lean them towards. In order to say “I disagree with that trait full stop” I’d have to convince myself that in the same exact situation I wouldn't have similar reactions, and with how angry I already am about things that’s not something I can convince myself of. However speaking from a practical level there are better ways to do basically everything Silco wanted to accomplish.

[hotgilearsummer]

multiples of 10 koel and montgomerie :) for real this time

Running into some extreme problems here w Montgomerie still being a pre-campaign character w a lot of secrets hdgdhsgdd

10. what inspired this character’s creation?

Koel:

This image. Literally this image. Which is funny because it looks nothing like current Koel, but Wren came first by at least 24 hours. This image and then a joke about a very evil seeming and grim man who was actually just A Regular Guy is what spawned Wren, who went through multiple iterations in my mind before he became a mask for something else (Koel). And then months later they ended up getting used in a Strahd campaign which makes this even funnier

Montgomerie:

Montgomerie is less specific. I needed a character and I had already promised [redacted] for Fleece's new heart game. I didn't want to play my usual "guilty character in mourning" or "✌️😘 (so tired)" types. So I decided to be so [redacted] and make a character who is so [redacted]. Also jessica rabbit a little bit. Really, the name came first and then the rest followed

20. what attracts them to someone—platonically and/or romantically, anything counts.

Koel:

Koel has very broad taste. They love nice and kind and bubbly people so much, but they tend to feel inadequate next to them, so the process of making friends with (and getting a crush on) someone like Nuri is a bit of a double edged sword (and ironic considering Nuri has admitted he's as nice as he is because he doesn't want to make anybody feel bad)

Overall, Koel will cling to whoever is kindest to them. If only one person is being nice to them, that person becomes their whole world. A big part of them believes that they aren't allowed to be choosy, so it really is first come first served with whoever they may end up dating or being friends with, even if it's not healthy for them - the biggest barrier is getting them to understand that they're being flirted with.

Montgomerie:

She also has broad taste, but not because she's desperate like Koel. She'll respond to most people who show an interest in her. She's also attracted by people who seem very fragile. Preferably men, but she's willing to give equal opportunity

30. how do they handle confrontation?

Koel:

Poorly, usually. In a moral confrontation, they're very stubborn and very all or nothing. If they believe you did something wrong, they will stay angry about it until the 'moral debt' is repaid. If they believe that they did something wrong, they will try to withdraw and remove themself from the situation so that they can't cause harm anymore, and then (often dramatically and out of proportion to the original issue) do something 'good' to try and even things out and fix the problem

Montgomerie:

With delight.

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?’

Koel:

I wouldn't have set their stats up the way I did. They don't need that 16 in int lol, and they should have more than 16 dex. I would be interested in building a beast barbarian version of them, but I'm also not unhappy with them being a swashbuckler rogue

Montgomerie:

Since she's still in progress I think this is an N/A lmao

50. do they have a go-to beverage, alcoholic or nonalcoholic?

Koel:

Willing to drink anything you give them. Theyre Nasty. But also, theyre more food focused than beverage focused when it comes to preferences, and drinks are more of a survival thing for them. But if gravy counted as a drink, then the answer would be gravy, they love salty and savoury things

Montgomerie:

Enjoys red wine every so often. It's about the only thing she drinks nowadays. She won't drink plain water

60. what do they have faith in? what keeps them believing?

Koel:

Believes that when they have done enough good things, they will feel better and have repaid their moral debt enough to be 'nuetral' rather than a monster. They will never achieve that through the approach they are currently taking, but they're too stubborn and naive to realise that yet

Montgomerie:

Has no faith :)

[frogdaqueerfloof]

Chained and forgotten

When i was a kid, it was customary of the area to keep dogs chained up outside, sometimes to clotheslines between trees, sometimes to the ground. Either way, dogs were never kept inside. Even though it was the normal, i always felt bad for them. Why couldn't they be inside where it was warm? Why couldn't they be inside where they could be kept safe and healthy? Why was this normal? Though, despite my questioning, i just left it alone. It was just something people did, and that was that.

As a kid, my parents never really spent time with me. I was a stray they had adopted from some of their family [my "mom" is really my aunt, i don't actually know my birth mother that well] with drug issues, so i was lucky to even have a place to live, despite the roaches and the hand-me-downs and the falling in ceilings.

I was a "Spoiled Brat", my favorite person would always call me. He felt like the only person between the two who loved me. I wouldn't understand why until I was older.

Despite me being a young child with asthma, my parents spent most of their time on the back porch smoking. They rarely gave me the time of day, always telling me to go back inside where I couldn't breathe in their smoke.

They never really loved each other, either. My mom has always been the type of person to get angry at any man she's with, she'll always find some excuse as to why she didn't like them. For dad, her excuse was that she was convinced she was cheating on him.

During those moments when they would yell and argue, suddenly the idea of being chained up outside was much more appealing. Outside was quiet, the only sounds being nature and the very rare occasional car passing by. Of course, i spent most of my time on the couch or in my room.

After a while, my dad couldn't take being around my mom for much longer and as such he got himself a nice job as a trucker, leaving me behind with a woman who felt colder and more distant than the winter outside, the place where the dogs were chained up and left to themselves.

Just like the dogs, Mom made sure to keep me fed, as well as giving me whatever toys she could afford [she spent most of the money she got from dad on cigs] However, other than that, she still would spend most of her time on the porch smoking, not giving me the time of day.

The only time i ever got to leave that house was whenever family would come to take us to the store, or the rare special occasions when dad would take me away in his truck to stay in hotels and eat from waffle houses. [he would die from cancer in 2017, when i was about 11 or 12, but that's another story]

It's now that i'm older that I've realized that i was exactly like those poor dogs tied up outside. I'd have just what i needed to survive; food and water, shelter, and whatever entertainment possible, as well as the very rare occasion that some person would come by to give me attention. Forgotten, only there for whenever i was wanted, not a person

I was loved, but not in a way i could feel. After all, a chained up dog only feels loved when someone goes out of their way to spend time with it.

Maybe that's why i'll never feel human again…

[finsterhund]

Every time I think I'm safe from heatwaves we get another one.

Maui is also on fire.

How much of our permafrost have we lost? I don't even want to check.

Will my favourite extant wild animal (emperor penguins) still be around in a hundred years?

Yeah it's one of these days 😔

And through all of this my bank is like 500 in the red. My overdraft is only 300. Bruh. Agony and pain on planet earth

But still I'm silly 🥺

Haven't been able to do my laundry so I'm not snuggling Sly because I'm in less than clean pajamas. Why did they raise the laundry cost so much :(

Talking to my mom and she's visiting family and seeing my cousins who are healthy normal well adjusted boys with ADHD with good lives and healthy support networks and functional social lives has made her realize how much she allowed my birth father to ruin my brother and me and she's shown so much remorse and yeah it is partially her fault but I'm telling her over and over that she was just as much taken advantage of by that monster as we were and it's wrong for her to shoulder the entirety of the blame when it wouldn't have happened if she had been married to a better person. Idk.

Her feeling so much remorse has actually made her soften her heart enough that she wants to send me the quilt grandma made for me though. Or is it the quilt great grandma made for me. She doesn't know. Idk how she'd be able to forget that. I fear her memory is just dying. Maybe she's so scared of my ability to remember things because it's showing to her she might be getting one of those mental diseases you get for memory with age. Idk. I know we're incompatible to live together and our relationship is still not healthy but I do care about her a lot. Don't want her to get sick or die. Really afraid of death and people I care about dying.

I'm not being torn apart mentally this time and I contribute that to my new antipsychotics but it's still pretty depression to think about all of this.

It's too hot to do anything so I'm just sorta stuck right now. Gotta keep telling myself that my financial distress will eventually become less scary. Because eventually my roommate won't need me to cover his expenses and eventually the government will have to raise my pension and eventually the housing market will collapse and eventually all the old money will die. Or whatever. Having a scary negative bank account and getting insufficient funds charges are just stupid monkey fake problems it doesn't mean I'm going to get hurt it doesn't mean I'm going to starve it doesn't mean I'm going to die. Just keep telling myself this. But it's still scary. I don't like feeling like I owe things. I know I can probably go to my bank and get them to reverse certain fees even make them increase my overdraft limit perhaps. Idk.

I just wish things could get better already you know? I get so tired all the time.

Apparently we're going camping on Friday. I'm all ready. Hoping my plants will be fine. I will water them well before we go. We're only going to be gone for half a week. Timed it around when I get paid so I can be away from civilization for the last days before my money comes in and puts by bank out of the negative. Roommate still says he doesn't know if he'll be able to cover all his own expenses this month yet. Big frustrated sigh. I don't just help because I need rent paid to keep the roof over my own head but also because I care. Maybe I care too much. People insist those with brains like mine do not care so I might as well prove them right. Less pain for me. But I just care. I care too much. Maybe I care because it helps me survive. I don't know.

Maybe the fact that I did have the period of my early years where my grandparents took care of me has actually made my life harder. Because I got a taste of how things should be so I'm less resilient to being hurt. I don't know if I'm conveying that thought well enough. Basically it allowed me to not have as thick of skin or whatever. Idk. I wonder if there will ever be a point in my relationship with my mom where we could live together. Humans are supposed to care for each other. God.

My cousins are all able to grow up. I am not. I am stunted and broken and frozen. Even if I thrive it's like I'm a bonsai tree compared to trees growing wild. I need special pruning. I need special access to light and water. I need special fertilizer. I can never reach my full potential. Can I thrive? Some think so. Some don't. If I get the best care possible I can look nice. But is that thriving? Is it inhumane regardless? Who can say. But there's no space for me to live "properly". If that makes sense.

How traumatic is it that it's integral to the queer experience, the neurodivergent experience, the disabled experience, that we have to fight just to have space to live? Humanity has built boxes that we now have to stake out an existence within the parameters of. To earn the right to exist.

Hoping I enjoy our camping trip. I'm not expecting it to fix me but I am fully anticipating that I enjoy it. Assuming I'm able to still enjoy things.

I have everything I need for the trip. I was responsible. Please don't let it be ruined.

I wish I'd hear back from my surgeon. I was supposed to have my surgery in May. Fucking May. My summer could have been so much better.

I wish me and Cazza could live on the farm. Was thinking about how if I had some money I could buy the land around the house back and set up a wind farm. Clean energy you know? Solar would be great out there too. I wouldn't even have to run a traditional farm. We need energy. I'd that my purpose? Hmm. If I was one of those assholes I could mine crypto too.

I think about having a solarium. You know one of those cool rooms with the big rounded ceiling windows? I would love to have that in the middle of nowhere and just have sleepovers out there. When it rains it would hit and run down those windows and look and sound really nice. I really just am made for the steppe. One or two special trees, wide open space, big sky. If reincarnation is real I hope I get to be Mongolian.

[littlechameleonguy]

Using the good days preparing for the bad ones

This applies to both physical and mental health and are things I (try to) do to get through my bad days because honestly on these days there is only little I can do.

Part 1: Food and Hydration

The most important thing I can do to prepare for bad days is to have food at home. I'm not going to buy groceries when I'm sick or depressed so it has to be at my place or I wouldn't eat at all. (That's the law. It's really not my fault.) It doesn't have to be healthy food tbh it just has to be there and quick to prepare. If I have the energy to chop some veggies and make a bow - great but I probably won't. Usually even getting up to my fridge will be a challenge so I'm glad if the food is pretty much ready. So having supplies is a blessing. Quick frozen meals to heat up are perfect. Even frozen pizza or mozzarella sticks are fine. It's still better than no food at all. Even protein shakes are better than no food.

Snacks are great too. Having nuts, fruits, protein bars and other stuff around is so helpful. I don't even know I'm eating but my body will get some energy. I always have snacks stored at both my home and my work place so I always have something. (Chips and chocolate are fine too don't let anyone tell you otherwise.)

For drinking water it's pretty much the same thing. I wouldn't have the energy to get some so it has to be around. I personally drink water from the tab but this applies either way. Big containers help a lot. If I have a big glass I don't have to refill it that often and I will drink more. I also have a lot (a lot a lot) of water bottles and to go cubs. Therefore there is always one around when I need it. I have some at home, at work, in my car, in my most used bags. (Remember to clean them from time to time though. Another thing to do on the good days but that's a whole other point.)

If drinking water is hard there are alternatives. Drinking tea is also fine or putting some fruits in the water to mix it up helps too. There are also these air up bottles around that seemed to help. I personally don't need those but heard they help a lot. But honestly same as with the food: anything is better than nothing. So if the drink is the sugary lemonade so be it. We can make up for it another day. Today we just want to survive.

Careful though with the caffeine intake. Mine was really bad a couple of years ago and my body is still paying the price. I still drink coffee. I can't live without coffee but I'm more careful now. after two cups or later in the evening I change to decaf coffee. (It's really not that bad just find the right ones.) Also when I'm already anxious I try to cut caffeine altogether. I don't really drink energy drink but here applies very much the same...

Drinking alcohol on bad days for me personally is always a bad idea as well. So I try not to do that at all. Here applies the opposite of from the things above. If it's not around it's a lot less likely I might drink it. So my alcohol supplies at home are very limited...

Lastly, (and honestly that helps the most even though it's the hardest) talk. This will apply to more than just the food stuff but I really want to list it here because it is a game changer. I've talked to the people around me about my eating and drinking water issues on good days so now they can help me on the bad ones. Roommates are the best at this by far. If they know you're not able to buy or prepare food yourself they can help and honestly most do. Pretty much the same happens with coworkers. Some of my coworkers know that I'm really bad at staying hydrated and eat when I'm stressed so they get me stuff too when they buy themselves food and ask me if I want another tea as well. I'm not working there for long so it's not a trust thing and I haven't exactly explained my issues but almost everyone knows that staying hydrated is hard. Also it sometimes results in people asking you out to lunch or coffee and that is really nice if my health isn't too bad for this.