#even though I’d also love to write this from Link’s perspective

[skyward-floored]

Volga gets some spotlight for a change (hdw au)

Comes after Volga confronting Cia (and Link on Skyloft, but it’s slightly less necessary to understand this)

...

Volga seeks out and fights the strongest. That is his objective.

He goes where the sorceress tells him, leads monsters into battles as she deems fit. He sees others only as adversaries, evaluating them solely on the threat they pose, the strength they wield.

Nothing else matters.

Only his orders, and strength.

The Hylian army is at their gates, working steadily through the valley, and despite the sorceress increasing Volga’s power, they’re still advancing, calling upon the Great Fairy to aid them. Volga himself is forced to retreat back to Cia’s side, and he stands silently beside her, waiting for her orders.

She’s watching the battle with a look in her eye that grows steadily more enraged, her knuckles whitening on her staff. It isn’t long before she orders him back out, commanding him to find the princess and crush her.

Volga nods, preparing to obey, when the sorceress stops him, a manic look in her eyes.

“This time you will destroy them,” she snarls, and thrusts her hand against his chest.

Power rushes through him, greater than what he had received before, and Volga roars as it fills his veins, turning into a dragon and leaping into the air.

This time he will be the strongest.

Volga glides across the valley, making a beeline towards the army’s leader, the princess’s sword flashing across the battlefield. He lands with a roar, and she quickly turns her attention to him, eyes widening as she leaps out of the way of his first attack.

Volga is merciless, using his weapons of both spear and claws, shooting fire and dive bombing with his dragon form. The princess is annoyingly stubborn though, avoiding nearly all of his attacks, parrying blows and dodging flames.

Some distant part of Volga is impressed.

He snarls as she avoids yet another thrust of his spear, and the princess looks at him, something odd flashing in her gaze.

“Volga! Come to your senses!” she suddenly shouts, parrying an attack. “I know you to fight with honor! What glory is there to be found in using dark magic to win all of your battles?”

“Don’t mock me!” Volga snarls, slamming a clawed hand towards her. How dare she?

“Open your eyes!” Zelda shouts as she dodges, still not giving up. “I believed you to be a proud dragon warrior, not a mercenary for darkness!“

Their weapons clash, and Zelda looks up at Volga without fear, her blue eyes bright.

“Think of your family, Volga. Look past the darkness clouding your vision.”

Volga falters just a hair, a snarl dying in his throat. There is certainly no darkness clouding him, merely the extra power the sorceress provided, but Zelda’s words of family carry a spark of something different. Something... important?

Volga shakes his head, frowning.

...What had she said again?

The spark fades, and Volga roars, hitting her backwards with a clawed hand. The princess is thrown to the ground with a cry, but before Volga can press his attack, there’s a flash of blue and green, and the Hero stands in his way, sword raised.

He has a stricken expression on his face, but Volga barely registers it, roaring again as he goes to face the both of them. The princess regains her footing as the hero slams his shield up to block Volga’s spear, and the three of them resume the fight.

Other monsters join the attack, and the hero’s attention is drawn to keeping them away from his princess, mostly leaving her and Volga to fight alone. Volga draws constantly on the sorceress’s power, and it’s soon obvious the princess begins to flag against his brutal attacks.

She fights on though, tenacious as ever. Soon enough Volga finds their weapons locked again, her eyes fixed on his face.

“Knight Volga, I thought you a protector, a dragon of honor,” she says, voice breathless but earnest. Blood drips across her eye but she doesn’t loosen her grip to wipe it away. “This isn’t who you are, drawing on dark power, fighting in wars for a cause you don’t believe in!”

That persistent spark of something comes back in Volga’s mind, flickering in his thoughts, buzzing in his memory. It makes him falter, just a little.

“Please,” Zelda repeats, still straining against his spear. “For Link’s sake.”

The name rings familiar, and Volga stumbles as a face flickers in his mind, blue eyes shining through the murk. Looking at him in trepidation as information spills from hylian lips, scales glittering in places they have no right to be.

What is this memory?

He can’t recall the events that led to it, or what came after, or even where he was when it occurred. In fact... all he can really recall is the sharp urge to fight the strongest, destroy the enemy, do as the sorceress commands.

Who is the boy with scales on his arms, and hair nearly the same color as his own?

“Volga,” the princess speaks again, less strained now, and Volga belatedly realizes he’s stopped fighting. “Fight past this darkness. I know you are more than what Cia is letting you be.”

Cia.

The name is like a clap of thunder in his head, and suddenly the darkness he’d denied was choking him is all too evident, coursing through him alongside his fire, constricting his thoughts and twisting his actions. Its influence is overwhelming, and Volga clutches a hand over his chest, thoughts whirling as memories rush back.

Cia invading his home and forcing him under her service, ignoring his wishes to be left alone. Using her magic to make him fight, starting a war over lust for his son, putting him on the opposite side of his own kin.

Purposely obscuring the fact that he had a son.

Volga snarls, anger rising as flames drip from his lips. Cia used dark power, foisted upon him without his say, using him as nothing but another pawn in her game and his son—

“No... no!” Volga shouts, gripping at his head with both hands. “I won’t be ruled by darkness!”

He won’t remain Cia’s puppet for another second.

Volga lashes out at the darkness coating him, tearing at Cia’s influence in his chest. He can feel her power fight back the moment he pushes against it, darkness reaching up to claw at his mind, but Volga tears back with claws of his own, refusing to succumb to it again.

He pushes back with his own power, not that of the sorceress, fire clashing with darkness.

A roar builds in his throat as he gains a solid foothold, and he pushes it out, Cia’s dark power leaving him all in a rush.

And he is free.

Weakness follows the loss of power, but even as Volga drops to a knee, he feels more clearheaded, more alive, then he has in weeks.

And it’s overwhelmingly refreshing.

Volga curls his fingers into the dirt as he regains his bearings, clutching his spear as he raises himself up off the ground again. The princess stands a few feet away, watching him with a hopeful look on her face, and Volga huffs, looking away.

...right into the eyes of the hero.

His son.

Volga stares, the boy staring back with an uncertain look on his face. The hero’s gaze is interrupted by a monster slashing at him, and Volga shakes himself, then looks around the battlefield, taking in what he’s missed.

His gaze falls on the princess again, and something burns in his chest, a need to finish what he started. Volga raises his spear in challenge, pointing it at her and the hero.

“This time I will duel you properly. I will win this fight under my own power,” he declares.

He has other business, important business even (Cia will pay, he swears it), but his pride insists he finishes this fight. He wants to show the two of them how he really fights, no dark powers, no false strength.

To finish the fight he began in an honorable manner.

The princess hesitates at his request, exchanging a loaded look with her hero. But he nods, and she nods as well, pointing her sword back.

And they start the fight anew, dragon, princess, and hero.

The fight is invigorating, to say the least. Volga’s very scales seem to buzz with excitement as he battles the two, the old fire coming back to his blood. They’re an incredible team, truly powerful, and fighting them helps immensely with continuing to wake him up, forcing any remnant of Cia’s power from his bones.

They weave in and out in tandem, one of them striking, and then darting out as the other attacks. Despite the remaining weakness from the loss of darkness, Volga matches them blow for blow, his blood singing as he duels the two.

He hasn’t had a fight this challenging in years, and it reminds him of older days, of other duels.

A smile on a tanned face, ruby-red eyes, hair the color of new-fallen snow...

Volga promptly pushes that image aside. He needs to focus on the here and now, and his strength is fading, the hero and princess still pressing their attack.

As much as he hates to admit it, Cia’s actions have left him low on strength, and as enjoyable as this fight is... he’s fading. Rather fast.

And suddenly, he finds himself on his knees, a sword pointing at his neck.

Volga looks at Zelda, then over at his son, both of them breathing hard. An odd feeling of pride runs through him as he looks at the boy, and he almost smiles. Only one other person has ever been able to truly best him in battle, and it’s clear both of them learned from her.

Impa taught them well.

...It was no wonder Cia wanted one dead and the other her captive.

Anger courses through him at the reminder of the sorceress’s treachery, but his energy is spent. Too spent for him to reasonably mount a successful attack on her.

His vengeance will have to wait.

The princess opens her mouth to speak, but Volga beats her to it, closing his eyes as blood runs from a cut over one of them. “I accept my defeat with honor. I lose, but I do so without regrets.”

He exhaled and looks up at the two of them, and his son meets his eyes again, blood and dirt smeared on his face.

Volga gives him a singular nod, then despite his weariness, turns into his dragon form and takes off into the skies. He needs to rest, and recover from his wounds before figuring out what to do next.

And... process the ramifications of having a son.

Impa...

Link and Zelda watch him go in silence, Volga’s wings bright as a comet as he glides away. They’re both breathing heavily from the battle, small injuries bleeding, burns stinging. Zelda is smiling though, and there’s a hesitant sort of hope in Link’s eyes as they watch the dragon grow smaller in the distance.

Zelda squeezes Link’s shoulder as Volga finally disappears from their sight, but they don’t have time to dwell on what just occurred.

Cia still needs to be taken care of. But then...

Link supposes they’ll figure it out.

[music-orthemisery]

Hi! While we somewhat on the subject of Patrick’s solo project, can we talk about the hidden track on SP? Like… your thoughts, feelings, theories? What do you see when you listen to it? What feelings are you experiencing when you’re listening to the sounds at the end of the track???

Of courseeee we can talk about Cryptozoology, anon! I’m assuming that’s what you’re referring to, at least.

First, I’ll punt over to this ask @earlgreytea68 answered about this song because I think both she and anon made some great points! I especially love EGT’s comment re: naming a hidden song “cryptozoology.” It’s just so clever!

In terms of my own thoughts, this song definitely presents a few layers to me. The most obvious being him speaking to the music industry and the public/fans in response to him being out on his own. In general, I think Patrick is generally lying out his ass when he says that SP is all metaphorical commentary on the industry/society/etc., but this is one place where I do think that’s accurate. Patrick was in a place where he was desperate to be seen as his own artist - someone who could work magic without Pete and no longer be limited by the confines of FOB.

In terms of the visuals (the cryptozoology of it all), in my head this is Patrick being self-deprecating in a tongue-in-cheek way. He spent years being the guy in Pete Wentz’s shadow, and the ways he’d be described were rarely kind. You’d see nerdy, fat, unattractive, shy, etc. - which would then be paired with commentary on how he’s the primary songwriter and how “despite his looks” he’s essentially the hit factory.

So, now we have this guy emerging from the shadows. This guy who, compared to Pete, was less known, kinda weird looking, and, therefore, more mysterious…what could he bring to the table by himself? Who is Patrick Stump without Pete Wentz? Them being apart practically makes him a Cryptid because it just didn’t exist untold then. It was always at least the two of them.

There’s also the lyrics, “They got the search party looking for the ghost of the child/But what if he grew up? He never died.” Which is….ugh…basically pariah before pariah. I think his perspective here was more defiant (compared to pariah’s defeat), though. Like, ok, I’m being told that the only good I’ve created is shit I created when I was 18, but fuck that. I grew up and I’m here whether you like it or not and I’m not going to keep trying to please you. I’m going to create what I want to create. I don’t need to prove myself to you!

And, yes, that second part is also being spoken to Pete IMO. EGT’s ask that I linked to above echos my general thoughts on that aspect so I won’t go into it much more here.

Of course I need to acknowledge some p2-ness of it, tough, so I’ll focus on the source of Patrick’s bitterness here.

First off, I do not think Patrick was jealous of Pete’s attention. There is not a single thing about Patrick Stump that points to him wanting to be on the same level of fame and attention as Pete was back then.

In fact, going back to my earlier point about him emerging from Pete’s shadow - I’d argue that he was totally fine being in Pete’s “shadow” before, because I don’t think that’s how he saw it. Maybe he didn’t have words for it yet, but it goes back to what they still do now, which is protect each other. He wasn’t in Pete’s shadow. He was the reason he was able to put it all out there musically. They were doing it TOGETHER.

So, in my eyes, Patrick’s bitterness toward Pete, stemmed primarily from abandonment. His creative (and general life, ofc) soulmate had been punted into a completely different reality. Gone were the days where the two of them would spend hours writing and bickering and creating. Even starting in IOH era, there was tension building between them due to Pete’s obligations were taking him away from the studio. They weren’t doing this thing together anymore. Patrick was having to forge on “alone.” Not literally, of course, but I think you get where I’m going with this.

Additionally, referring back to the beloved Zane Lowe interview, Pete’s lyrics give Patrick purpose. Their creative energy is what gets him up in the morning. So, in Patrick’s words, not only was he losing Pete, he was losing his purpose.

(In my delusion p2 brain, IOH is also when the tensions of “what the fuck are we?” And Pete having to live up to the “Hollywood hottie” persona began. That’s a whooooole other post in itself that I’ve talked about a few times before but just had to throw that in there of course.)

So, this is both processing his emergence as his own person to the media and public, but also to Pete. I don’t need to prove myself to you. I don’t need you. I can do this all on my own.

In terms of feelings I experience, what I see, etc…I admittedly tend to intellectualize those things rather than fully acknowledge and experience them, so honestly the above answer probably best captures that as well, haha. Oh, and no clue about the outro sounds. I’m sure someone smarter than me may have some thoughts on that, but in my head Patrick is just playing into the Cryptid/hidden element with some sounds 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I could yap forever about this but I’ll leave it there. Great question, anon! Thank you! Definitely gave me something to ponder during work today, haha!

[monstersinthecosmos]

Hi!! I would love to hear your thoughts about Marius' experience of captivity and how this affects his relationship with Armand. You alluded to this in Gallows Bird and I think that's a super interesting thread to pull

[ Let me drop these two fics real quick to get it out of the way for reference sorry if this is obnoxious LOL but Gallows Bird (Marius/Armand) and The Lotus Eater (Armand/Daniel) !! ]

Asdgahsdk oh boy

I have so many deep nuanced feelings about Marius de Romanus so be patient with me while I try to sketch this all out, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START!

So one thing I want to mention off the bat, which is not necessarily canon VC but is relevant to my fics and how I write, is that I process a lot of ND/ADHD stuff when I write, and this goes way back before I even knew I had ADHD. So even going back to like my earlier VC fics from like 5-6 years ago, I think I was constantly inserting traits of myself into my fics and trying to process them in the way that I thought they were just character flaws at the time. AND LIKE this is also relevant because I wrote Gallows Bird to be directly correlating to my Devil’s Minion fics. For example, in The Lotus Eater, one of my huge emotional cornerstones in that fic/me talking about my own perceived character flaws, was the “he had been careless with this boy” theme. And I repeated that in Gallows Bird on purpose to link them lol. So that example is like, I was really inspired by like how ADHD can ruin things on accident; like you don’t take care of something, miss a deadline, break something by being careless even though you DO CARE. At the time when I wrote The Lotus Eater I had no idea about ADHD so I just thought it was like this bad part of my personality that I was really struggling with. I am more forgiving of that now.

And I connect this also to Marius in Gallows Bird because like, something I really struggled with as a person is like the ND/ADHD impulse to like RELATE TO PEOPLE when they’re trying to talk, like bringing up my own experience as a way to say “Something like this happened to me too so I can empathize with you”, which is always well intentioned! And I’ve seen so much convo from ND folks that struggle with this because NT folks tend to misunderstand it as changing the subject/being narcissistic/whatever.

Anyway!!!!!!!!! Sorry for that preamble but I’m saying that like, I kind of approach writing Marius as a mix of canon & projection, because yknow it’s my fuckin story and I feel like it lol but I think like the fun of fanfic and what makes people’s styles unique and interesting is our mix of perspectives and personalities and like how we choose to fill in the blanks in canon or interpret characters, right?

Canon Marius makes a few comments when he meets Armand about how like, this is someone who is as bruised and damaged as he is, and someone who can heal him, and he feels their souls understand each other. And Canon Marius is like, arrogant enough (by his own admission!) to see the absolute HORRIFIC trauma the Armand went through and go “Oh yeah I had horrific trauma too.”

How do we compare Armand’s trauma to Marius’s trauma? Idk. No one can answer that because we all respond to trauma differently. So I think to some extent there’s some headcanon territory here of how everyone interprets Marius, and do we believe him that his trauma was SO SEVERE that it IS on par with what’s happened to Armand? Or do we believe what he went through isn’t so bad/was 1500 years ago and he’s being obnoxious by comparing the two because he should be healed by now?

I’d also ask like, to what extent is neither true/is it not that fucking deep, like is Marius simply saying “wow this looks really bad, I want to know him for centuries so he has time to grow and heal”; like perhaps Marius at this point sees his captivity & murder as this awful thing that happened to him 1500 years ago and maybe it feels sort of disconnected.

BUT I DON’T KNOW, the thing about Marius is that he’s so fucking stoic! Like I know I’ve brought it up a couple times recently but it’s because I was reading some Marcus Aurelius to put in Gallows Bird lol so using that to like fill in some blanks with Marius, he reads like someone who is constantly trying to rationalize away his own emotions. And like! IDK! Maybe beliefs about psychology are always a phases or temporary until we learn more, but reading him in 2023 I just call bullshit on that! It doesn’t work that way! So who’s to say that his 1500 year old trauma isn’t actually still very close to the surface, and who’s to say he can’t be easily retraumatized whenever it comes up because he’s never meaningfully recovered?

AND LIKE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED TRAUMA THE AFTERMATH IS SO OFTEN ABOUT JUST FINDING CONTROL OVER WHATEVER YOU CAN, NO MATTER HOW USELESS OR UNHEALTHY IT IS. And that's also the sort of central thesis of Gallows Bird; giving Armand a space to process his trauma where he's in control. And for Marius it's just really sad how often he tries to control his own personality, his own feelings, his own mask, the way people perceive him, and it's such a struggle for him that it always eventually collapses.

I want to pause here for a second too and bring up a couple old posts I’ve written so I’m not repeating myself too much LOL but let’s also consider:

Trauma Hole Theory and if vampires are stuck forever within the trauma of their turning

Marius & Armand’s equal-opposite religious trauma

Marius’s struggle with feeling emotion

I think if we start dissecting ANY vampire in VC we’ll see thematic ways that their turning has traumatized them forever, between the violence/trauma around the act itself but also whatever ways they’ve been frozen as their mortal selves. Lestat is a perpetually insecure 20 year old who can’t emotionally regulate and must prove himself to everybody, Louis is someone who didn’t want to live at all and was given eternal life rather than death, Armand is deeply wounded and fucked up but is having like 2 years of relative peace and safety. And Marius is like, older, has lived life, knows what he’s losing and gaining, and has his entire worldview shattered after spending a year resenting religious zealots only to find out that everything they believed was true.

So I bring all these points up because I don’t think there’s a simple answer or a direct correlation here. Marius recognizes that they’ve each suffered a trauma, but he hasn’t really dealt with his own in a meaningful way, therefore he is not equipped to help Armand deal with his either.

I constantly go back to when Marius hits him after they come back from Kiev and I think this really hammers it home for me—Marius is someone who wants to strangle all of his emotions into submission, and he’s really trying to believe that it’s a matter of willpower to simply NOT FEEL THINGS. So much of Marcus Aurelius is about this! AND IN SOME WAYS LIKE, YEAH THIS IS MAYBE AN ANCIENT VERSION OF CBT??? Like we do CBT to patiently teach ourselves to think differently, but it’s obviously not as easy as simply shutting your emotions off or bullying yourself out of feeling any. And he’s trying SO SO hard to be this way, and it doesn’t work, so it’s not going to work on Armand either!

And like it’s not Marius simply being a dickhead, simply being abusive; I do think he’s really trying, but he’s fucking lost! HE HAS LIVED LIES! And god it just really hurts to see him as someone who struggles with this shit and who lies to himself about it, LIKE WHO HASN’T BEEN THERE? How many of us who struggle with mental health haven’t had those moments like, those tiny glimpses seeing behind the veil and being honest with yourself, but being so fucking powerless and not knowing what to do with it.

I know I’ve personally had moments of realization like “I am going to be like this forever” and it’s SO defeating, and imagining that sentiment for someone who will LIVE FOREVER just hurts me so bad!

We see this trope in media sometimes—certainly it’s based in real life!—of parents projecting onto children, trying to correct mistakes by breaking a cycle, but which only serves to treat their child like an extension of themselves and not a whole individual. So I think of that, too—Marius seeing himself in someone who was also abducted, and even though he also plans to turn Armand, he wants it to be beautiful and gentle! (He even changes his mind about it several times before he does it in a panic because Armand is dying! {this is heavily referenced in Gallows Bird because he realizes he's fucked Armand up to much to let him live anyway.} ) He also is sorta trying to fake it till he makes it with all this emotional stuff; like even though he KNOWS he can’t simply shut emotions off, he’s still trying to teach Armand to. And going back to Marius being a lil arrogant, I think sometimes he does project himself onto other people, or treat people better if they remind him of himself. So like, projecting some wounded version of himself onto Armand to try to rescue, vs risking it all for Lestat a few centuries later because someone who reminds him of himself actually WANTS to be rescued.

The IRONY too that like he spends his whole time in captivity as a skeptic, not believing that there is a God in the Grove, and for that entity to turn out to be a vampire!!! Marius presenting HIMSELF as a god-figure to Armand, but trying to be safe and friendly about it! I don’t know man I’m really fucking hsdkjgladsghkjl upset right now lol

And after all that like, not really knowing what exactly happened to Armand to indoctrinate him into the cult, just knowing that he’s thriving with them, that he gave it all up to be their leader, is such a betrayal of everything and so traumatizing!

Gosh.

Anyway.

I DON’T’ KNOW WHERE TO START I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO END, THINKING ABOUT THIS FUCKS ME UP I HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION LOL

[takeyourcyanide]

🎨 :3c

❤️✍️🚀

Ask game link

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

This is unrelated, but I’m partial to the little face you used. Ok, time to actually answer the question.

Sincerely, while there are certain fics and scenes I think would be interesting to see turned into fanart - and I will bring those up in order to answer the question properly - I’m perfectly fine appreciate of any fic and scene being drawn. I think there’s something special to me about seeing which fic/scene someone chooses, it feels more personal on their side, you know? I mean, perhaps there were some that gave the individual more ideas than others, but simultaneously it’s like “oh, they connected with this one in particular? How fascinating!” However, as I previously mentioned, there are certain fics I would find it realllyyy interesting to see in fanart form. Fics such as That Which Destroys You, You Adore, and Prey were two I thought would be so fascinating to see played out in another’s mind, and put onto paper (or digitally, ofc). I also wondered how the agere fics would be depicted, or how they’d play out in another’s mind. That’s something I love about fanart- I can see how the words I’d written manifested in someone else’s mind/their perspective. With TWDYYA, I just want to see which scene is drawn. I like gore, what can I say. Will they depict Spirit hunched over a toilet? Or perhaps Spirit being cut open and injected with profuse amounts of iodine? And then with Prey, it’s so all over the place, I want to see how one would depict that outside of a short film or fic. I’m genuinely curious. I think fanart could really bring it to life- that’s what it’s good at. And when it comes to agere-adjacent fics, or even the more recent Rationality one, I’m curious to see how people picture a very childlike Stein who refuses to let go of his stuffed animals. But I think I’m more curious about the first two, especially Prey- in my opinion, I think there’s some.. hm.. sort of material there? I can’t word it properly, but there is some material there for expressive, somewhat visceral art? Stein’s reactions to particular sensations and such. Or even the other character’s reactions towards his static. It would just be interesting to me.

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

I’m going to be honest, the disorienting lapses in my memory tend to affect my memory of my of my fanfics. But I do remember some of the fics I like lines from. I liked particular ones from Rationality; a Supposed Loss and Deterioration, TWDYYA, Prey, A Tarantula and a Praying Mantis, I think maybe Woeful.. hmm. I think I liked certain lines from many of my fics, even if I didn’t like the fics themselves. I can’t always recall specific lines, but I remember the sort of concept behind them, or the state of mind I was in when writing them. Certain ones that were brought up in comment sections, I liked. I don’t think I’m going to sift through my fics to find each line I might’ve liked, though. I liked lines in Self-Cannibalism, as well!

✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?

I did answer this in a previous ask response, so I’ll simply summarize what I said. Essentially, I’d like somewhere comfortable and quiet. Not too hot, not too cold. I want somewhere I can focus and process my thoughts, perhaps with gentle music in the background (and no fucking advertisements). I’d like to not be bothered by the noise whilst writing. At least not too much.

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

Both! I start by attempting to outline, and this can especially help given the scrambledness. I’ve tended to create as I go after outlining, because sometimes I would outline particular scenes and what the concept of the fic was, and sometimes would end up figuring certain parts out as I’d go. But I do a lot of outlining and pacing when it comes to all of my projects, whether it be a drawing, painting, or fic. I can see it all in my head, and even my fics often begin more as short films than anything. Though I can also see my notes app in my head and the words in my head mixed in with the visuals. I’ll outline the scenes in my head, I narrate over them. That’s often how I write. I just describe the visuals in my head, which can be difficult due to the static, which is why so much outlining and pacing is involved. So, yeah, a mixture of both, but there’s a lot of outlining done, and a little bit of creating as I go. Perhaps sometimes half and half? Depends on the fic, honestly.

[broomsticks]

me, seeing if i can bait anyone into diving into BL fandom drama with me 😈

transcript (pdf) here

v interesting episode bringing together some really different perspectives! podcast hosts are australia-based academics who usually focus on china politics—i haven’t listened to any other episodes but they’re definitely on my to-do.

they also brought on an american(?) scholar of chinese history/ art history lecturer at HKU, who reads fanfiction and is interested in chinese tv dramas from the state censorship/regulation pov — and a(n asian?) BL (+ thorki, johnlock, etc) fanfic author 幻想症患者 (love the nick. means smth like ‘suffers from delusions’)

it’s no easy feat to be the lone fanfic writer in this discussion, to have to fairly represent the many aspects to these really complex issues, and there were a couple of rather - honestly not even fandom 101, more like fandom 100-level type questions you’d only get from people with no fandom experience.

on the whole though the hosting was good, you can tell the hosts did a lot of prep on the untamed show and the controversies re. the actor and his fans/his real-life fans fandom

though, on that note, i thought the discussion was a bit muddled between these different groups of ‘fan/fandom’. i have no doubt that everybody in the discussion was clear that these were separate things and which they were talking about at any point in time, just maybe didn’t have the language to signpost/ organize it more clearly, but i could’ve used more structure imo.

• • •

i especially appreciated huanxiang’s point about how (very grossly paraphrased) there is safety and protection and freedom in nicheness and obscurity and (less grossly paraphrased) drama draws unnecessary attention from outsiders who don’t understand fandom - particularly this bit:

I would be very, very careful to link [fandom trends and phenomena to anything (LGBTQ issues etc) in real life], not that it cannot be done. But please don't do that before like, before you have finished like 100, 200 BL novels or something like that with like a full understanding of the space

understanding before judgment! please! yes!

but also — while n=1 is just that, n=1, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t giggle a little at the undertone of the cultural value(?) that attention, standing out, is a negative thing and viewed with this like default-aversion/suspicion. idk

that said, my main thought re. this hesitation wrt people who don't belong to this community and understand the norms of this community wasn’t so much kinks and fantasies and premier zhou/chairman mao RPF, but rather not showing celebrities rpf of themselves / creators fic of their characters. neither type of wank is great, obviously, and the two types do often go hand in hand, but i’d almost rather wank be brought into the community than leak out of it

• • •

another point alluded to (not really discussed) on the pod that might be new to western media fandomgoers/ my usual mutual circle is that the untamed netflix tv show originated as original fiction published on a site that hosts both OF and FF both pay- and free-to-read. there were fan translations and all, that were taken down after official translation rights were sold (there is a lot of wank & drama on this issue. a lot.)

a 2019 censorship crackdown on the site, unrelated to (predating) the untamed/xiao zhan controversy discussed on the pod

anyway, point being - the coexistence of the two camps — intended-for-commercialization amateur fiction, presumably sanitized and lowest-common-denominator and all that, and niche not intended for wider popularity-type writing — is fascinating. good to know that they can stably coexist in some form, given how much concern there often is re. commercialization of fanworks that the former will outcompete the latter!

• • •

BY FAR THE BEST TAKE - MY FAVE part of the podcast - was dr angie baecker’s response to the question is BL (response is also applicable to slash fic) subversive?

BL is and can be an extremely subversive space. But I also think BL can replicate a lot of structures that are not subversive. I also want to draw attention to the fact that many people in the LGBTQ community, some enjoy BL, some read it, some don't, some hate it.

when you have largely straight women writing romances about gay couples without having much access to knowledge about what those relationships are like, I think that there is [huge potential] for misunderstandings about queer identities and the LGBT community

It can be really freeing to see [to see the range of different types of M/M relationships], to explore not just homosexuality, but also homosociality

But at the same time, when you have such an emphasis on the male relationships, like everyone in the Untamed is a gay man or in an M/M relationship, that often comes at the cost of erasing a lot of female characters. And so you have this drama that may have started in some ways from the lack of agency given to female characters, but then it replicates a lot of the erasure of women as centres of agency within stories, too. So, I think it can be subversive, yes. And it could be very unsubversive, actually.

definitely some food for thought there. obligatory (and i do mean it!!) preface that fandom is not meaningful activism, does not have to be, you are not a bad person for not engaging with it — but i do wonder… in my view, there’s an element of - ‘with how oppressive the power structures of mainstream media, wider society, etc can be… why not take the opportunity to push back against them a little, here in this space where we can?’

• • •

also had a laugh at dr baecker’s unfortunately prescient prediction, their hesitation, that while I feel like right now we're really on the cusp of a rising trend in terms of seeing BL represented in pop culture - we're only going to see more and more of it -

I am a little worried that there might be some kind of like a foreclosing of this space because there's always this kind of Icarus phenomenon of when something gets too popular, right, it gets clipped back a little bit. So, I do worry about that.

😬 hahaha. that aged well.

• • •

misc pieces of fun fandom drama:

whether character name tags should include diacritics/tone marks! on the side of no: convenience - up until recently, tone marks wouldn’t autocomplete correctly. and for all the incorrectness, it’s not (any more) ambiguous. on the yes side: tone marks are objectively (more) correct. does their omission amount to racism?

it seems like (some sections of?) chinese webnovel fandom apparently have the fandom culture of not messing with the creator’s stated preferences — not just canon ships, but sexual preferences (topping and bottoming). fascinating!! fandom etiquette 👀

[provincial-girl]

Gretson Fic Recs

I’ve been reading boatloads of great A League of Their Own fic, specifically Greta/Carson, so I decided to try my hand at doing some Gretson fic recs. It’s something exactly no one asked for, but I used to love the whole fic recs thing, so I figured why not? This is just a smattering of the dozens and dozens of great stories I’ve read, which means it’s by no means an exhaustive list. I’ll split them up by whether they’re one shot or multi-chapter, with multi-chapter fics labeled complete or work in progress. Each description will have a link to the fic, a bit of spoiler-free info about it, the length, rating, and potential reasons for the rating. Please note, I’ve not included an exhaustive list of every potential trigger, so keep an eye on fic tags too. Also, most of these take place in the 1940’s, so assume there’s bound to be at least a bit period typical homophobia.

Multi-Chapter

Complete

Off-Season-A post season 1 Gretson reunion fic that’s well-written, very in-character, and clearly very well researched. The research makes this feel authentic, adds some depth to the fic in a way that keeps you engaged in the story. It’s complete, canon compliant, and gives all kinds of good Gretson feels. At just over 11,000 words, it’s a good fic if you want to spend some time with a story, but can’t make a huge time commitment. Rated M for sexual content.

Pizza with a Friend-I've really enjoyed everything I've read from Zulu, but this one here is a personal favorite. In one of the notes, the author describes the writing process as digging a comedy hole with an angst shovel, which is actually a pretty perfect way to describe it. There’s comedy and hijinks, often related to oblivious Baby Gay Carson, then there’s angst related to all of Greta’s Big Feelings, but it all manages to fit together really well, and the tone is somehow really consistent throughout. I’d say it’s canon divergent, but feels like it could fit within canon from a vibes perspective (don’t really know how else to explain it). It’s complete, and about 28,000 words, the kind of fic I might read over the course of 2 nights, though I’m sure it could easily be read in one evening. Rated E for sexual content sprinkled throughout, though the author carefully picks those moments.

‘Round and ‘Round We Go-Well written and cleverly plotted, this fic is kind of a time travel AU fic, but not in the way you’re used to. Carson lives in modern times, while Greta is from the 1940s. The fic is entirely Carson’s POV, and set in modern times, but I won’t say much more than that to avoid major spoilers. The inspiration for the fic’s version of time travel is apparently a novel called One Last Stop, though I haven’t read it, so I don’t know much beyond that. There’s some neat formatting at the start of each chapter that I really enjoyed. It’s complete at about 17,000 words, a great fic if you want something long, but not too long, the kind of thing I could  read in an evening if I wanted to sit with a fic for a little while. Rated T, not too much beyond kissing as far as sexual content. Though it takes place in modern day, occasional references to 1940’s homophobia.

Works in Progress

Just Put Your Hands on Me-The hurt/comfort fic to end all hurt/comfort fics. It’s all achingly soft Gretson, all the time. There’s moments of the Peaches shipping it too, but it heavily features scenes with just Carson and Greta, so there’s a lot of introspection and exploration of their feelings for one another. The author does a great job of using both Greta and Carson’s POV, often writing from one POV before switching to the other to describe the same events, but it never feels boring or unnecessary, because it creates a more complete picture of what is happening. If I had to label it I’d say it maybe drifts in the direction of slightly canon divergent, but I wouldn’t argue with someone calling it canon compliant. The fic isn’t complete, but has 19 chapters for about 48,000 words, probably a little over half an average sized novel, so there’s enough to keep you busy for a while. Rated T at the moment for mild sexual content (kissing and vague references to other things), though the focus of the fic is more on emotional intimacy.

Tinsel-An exceptionally well-paced, beautifully written AU that I absolutely cannot stop thinking about. It's a story in which Greta is a 1940’s movie star, and Carson is a secretary at MGM looking for an adventure before she settles down and marries Charlie when he returns from war. It’s really well-researched, which creates this amazing atmosphere that captures the dark underbelly behind the glamor of Old Hollywood. It’s also very in-character for everyone, particularly Greta, who I’ve found can be hard to pin down.  Not completed at the moment, but the first three of five chapters are up, and they average over 10,000 words each for a total of 37,000 words, which would be the length of a longish novella (short novel), so there’s plenty to read. Rated M, likely for scattered sexual content, pervasive period typical homophobia, general grossness of the studio system in Old Hollywood, and some heavy drug & alcohol use.

One Shots

Can this be a real thing? can it?-A gorgeously written one shot about times Greta and Carson dream about each other that perfectly captures the ethereal, otherworldly feeling of dreams. There’s some canon-typical angst, but it gets balanced out really nicely by some soft, happy moments. This is one of those 5 times +1 fics, and I’m weak for those, so this hit all my buttons. At 3,200 words, it’s the perfect length if you’re looking for a quick hit of some quality, canon-compliant Gretson content. Rated T, likely for kissing and references to the bar raid. 

She’s Like Us-A short, missing moment fic about the time Jess finds Carson asleep in Greta’s bed. It has the whole tone and vibe of the show captured perfectly, and you can really hear the character voices coming through. It’s from Jess’ POV, and, though they talk about Greta/Carson, it’s really about the budding friendship between Greta and Jess. At just over 1,000 words it’s a perfect fic if you want to spend a few minutes with the good vibes, queer friendship content that ALOTO excels at. Rated T, perhaps for allusion to period typical homophobia and smoking.

She is made up of more-A long-ish one shot from Greta’s POV. It’s a canon-compliant fic about Greta getting into a personal and professional slump somewhere around mid-season, and how she works her way out of it. It’s quite introspective and Greta-centric, but there’s a good dose of the rest of the Peaches in there too. There are sexually explicit sections, though this is definitely not PWP, as those sections are a key part of moving the plot forward. At about 6,500 words, this fic is great if you want something a bit longer than your standard one shot, but don’t have the time or inclination to read a multi-chapter fic. Rated E for several instances of explicit sexual content.

************************************************************************

That’s all for now! There are some other fics I’m in the middle of reading that I was tempted to rec, but decided to hold off and only recommend stories I’m all caught up on. There's lots of other stuff I've read and loved, so I can definitely do some more of this sort of thing if folks are interested/looking for something specific in their stories. And if you read any of these recs (or any fic, really), don’t forget to leave some love for the story’s author in the fic’s comments!

[golvio]

Now that I’m making an effort to stay on the expected story progression course instead of wandering out of fear of getting into major combat, something else I’m noticing from a game design standpoint is that…everyone here feels so…earnest.

I’d spent most of today wandering around the sister cities of Kakariko and Hateno, gathering sidequests and making an effort to go through everyone’s dialogue trees to try to get to know them a little better and take notes on anything I found interesting, and…even if some of them are kinda one-note asshats like the Cawlin-expy haunting the path to the inn or the mean gossipy housewives who’re blatant shoutouts to the gosspiy ladies on Windfall Island…they all very genuinely want to help you, to get to know you. Getting into that mindset Link has where he subconsciously remembered he came from here, that he already considered these people his neighbors even though none of them were alive before he died, it’s hard not to like them. And that’s saying something, considering Zelda has a tendency to not respect its NPCs very much, even though you’re tasked with saving them and their world.

Another thing I’m beginning to notice is how the devs use this earnestness to chain major and minor sidequests together. This time I’m making an effort to stick to the expected story progression of Kakariko > Hateno > Lanayru to avoid softlocking myself in terms of combat ability by overleveling the monsters, and it’s all felt very natural. For example, take Pikango. His first quest activates after you show your funky little camera app to Impa and she suggests traveling to the locations in each picture to jog Link’s memory. At that point, I’d already been to the fairy fountain, so the trek with him upward was just treading old ground. But then, at the end, instead of giving me a generic reward, he gave me information that was actually relevant and helpful to my next goal by giving me a hint as to where the first photo location is. A location that, in fact, is on the way to Lanayru, which is where I’m heading next. It didn’t feel like a waste of time at all, just a natural flow of information pointing me in a certain direction.

It reminded me of why I loved how Hollow Knight handled its NPCs. The “little people” around you might not be as powerful as you, or be on a grand quest, or maybe their story ended long before Ghost rolled into town, but they each were still respected by the narrative. Each of them had their own story, rather than just blatantly being a UI point for you to interact with for certain services or to move the story along. So when the time came for them to help you/you to help them, it felt less video gamey and more like two people deciding to help each other out for their own reasons. And nobody was a goofy “ignorant” character played as a joke, like how Wind Waker used “Triumph Forks” to make fun of characters who weren’t privy to the same secret knowledge you and the major players “in the know” were. In fact, nobody was truly “ignorant” at all. Everyone had at least one little piece of the bigger puzzle, even if they couldn’t see the rest of the pieces from their own limited perspective. In fact, it’s impossible to truly understand what’s going on in Hallownest without talking to everyone.

Granted, BotW still has a ways to go in the writing department before it can reach that level, but there were enough times when random folks surprised me with their insightfulness or earnestness that I’m looking forward to seeing where things go in the sequel.

But, also…seeing how “nice” the world outside and the people in it were reminded me of how sad I was about how un-personed and totally cut off from humanity Ganon was the first time through. How he’s referred to like an infection, a contaminant, a spot of decay on a once-healthy national body instead of a person. Not only that, but now I’ve got a question in my head that first seeded itself from the moment I started speculating on TotK’s backstory. Just how awful was the ancient world that Ganondorf would come to hate absolutely everyone in it? And to the point where, even after it ended, he continued to lash out at its people’s descendants in its memory, no less?

[no-literally]

10 books

Rules: 10 books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

Tagged by @lyriclorelei​ and oh boy did I end up going on a lot about these picks!

The Monster at the End of this Book by Jon Stone - I was so extremely a Sesame Street-raised child. This book taught me about meta humor and histrionics, both of which I adore in my media today.

Maida’s Little Shop by Inez Hayes Gilmore - This is a book my grandmother read as a girl, and then my mother read as a girl, and then I got to read. It’s about a rich and sick girl who leaves her family to start a shop (with adult supervision) and finally makes friends. It taught me about pig latin and popcorn balls. (Also, turns out the author was a feminist journalist, so we love that.)

Meet Samantha by Susan S. Ader - I promise I didn’t just read books about wealthy girls from the turn of the century as a child! But I did get HEAVILY sucked in by the American Girl dolls, and I’ve gotten pulled right back as a pandemic comfort coping mechanism. Re-reading this book, I realized it influenced my creative writing, my sense of justice, and my understanding of how to be a good friend.

The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan - As a teenager, this book of interconnected poems from different characters let me feel like I was listening in on a full school’s worth of teenage issues and feelings. It taught me compassion; it let me feel less alone.

As You Like It by William Shakespeare - Seeing this play in college might have been when I fell in love with plays (I’d say theater, but I was sold on musicals by age 8). It’s more or less where my fake dating obsession starts. Give me a ship this messy any day.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro - This book is SO SAD and SO BEAUTIFUL and I’m glad I watched the movie to stay in the world a little bit longer. My Andrew Garfield and Carey Mulligan obsessions are due to this book.

Angels in America by Tony Kushner - Another sprawling obsession: I saw the HBO series, I immediately borrowed a copy of the play(s), I bought my own copy of the play, I saw the play(s) in real life, I saw the play(s) filmed for National Theater Live. Now I’m gearing up for another round of obsession when I read the oral history sitting on my bookshelf. I love these characters, the magical realism, the real-life people mixed with fictional ones, and the hope in the ending.

A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan - This book helped me realize I LOVE linked short stories that share a variety of perspectives. (In creating this list, I’m seeing just how many books I love are proof of that!) I’ve read other favorites, like Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi and There There by Tommy Orange, because this book taught me I loved this genre. Also, it has a chapter that’s just powerpoint slides? LOVE that.

The Wicked + The Divine comics by Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie - This comic is so well thought-out that random lines and visuals in the first issue reference the plot points of the last. A comic series about fandom, power, mythology, and inspiration. Plus, a murder mystery! I enjoyed every issue, even the one that really, honestly, had too much gore for my liking.

The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite - This was the book that got me into romance novels, which would have been enough of a gift on its own! But in addition to being a wonderful intro to the genre, it stars two women who are passionate about their work (though that work is very different), a romance plot that is people-focused instead of circumstance, and a thesis about who writes history and why notable women’s legacies are willfully erased by the patriarchy. A great, gorgeous read. 

Tagging: @onthecyberseas @dollsome-does-tumblr @homeschoolpromqueen @trianamars @nicoleanell @strix-alba

[treesap-blogs]

“Hunted By The Sky” by Tanaz Bhathena review! Yippee!

(Buckle up guys, this is 2 of 3 of the reviews going up today because I’ve been doing a lot of reading in order to clear my reading queue before reading a book I’m looking forward to :D! You’ll find out what it is eventually, it’ll be easy to tell.)

Hello, Tumblrians! I’ve been trying to get out as many reviews as I can this week! This was a book I read after being in a bit of a reading slump, as I’d put Zorro: A Novel by Isabel Allende on my reading queue(I was hyperfixated on the franchise for a month or so, fun times), only to be bored by the execution of its plot and sufficiently icked out by how it struggled to handle its subject matter(dated 2000’s writing for the win)! Eufgh. So I decided to come back around to this book, to have some actually good writing to cleanse my palette a bit! Got me out of my reading slump, thanks Tanaz Bhathena, and I burned through the last 110 pages or so in a matter of 2 days.

To be honest, the thing that most intrigued me in the premise was being able to have a vengeful female lead as our protagonist (or rather, one of them, does Cavas count as a protagonist too?), a liking that’s probably due in part to Iron Widow, along with it having a setting I typically haven’t read about but adds an interesting layer of culture to the narrative and characters! Similarly to When The Angels Left The Old Country, actually, this book felt very culturally rich! It takes place in Medieval India, and integrates its Indian (Hindi, particularly) aspects into the story seamlessly, from the locations the characters visit to the clothing they wear and the food they eat. (With the fantastical elements, it also takes inspiration from Persian mythology because of Bhathena’s heritage.) And, like When The Angels, it had a glossary on the last few pages for defining some of the terms, including ones with specific context inside of Ambar/Svapnalok! Some of those were more or less defined in the text, others weren’t, it helped to have an aid as someone who’s outside of that culture.

My main complaint that I have, though, is that aside from the representation it felt like a pretty generic plot? Sure, I love to read some fantasy, and I also love myself a vengeful female lead, but there were a lot of things in here I’d read in other stories. The prophecies(and how a main character is directly linked to one, resulting in being powerful magically), being endangered because of magical powers, instalove romance(which I was mostly indifferent to), etc. But, I could tell there was a lot of thought put into the world itself. Like the inclusion of different creatures, places and stuff, even if a lot of the scenes played out with them were similar to other media. We got a lot of details about its history, especially with how prominent classism issues were in the story, and, surprisingly, it didn’t feel like the author was patronizing her readers in how she fleshed the fantasy elements out. It is infodump-y for half of the first part, though. (This book’s divided into sections, I believe there’s about four, with the last one being only one chapter.)

(Also, the mammoth fight was so stupid🧍)

I also feel like this book should’ve been listed as a romance too, it’s definitely a romance fantasy because Gul and Cavas’ relationship is not a sideplot by any means! I kinda wanted to just read more about Gul’s revenge, harnessing her powers, that kind of thing, but, again, I was impartial to the romance. Although instalove isn’t my thing, and this wasn’t a relationship that had me “squee”ing(presumably because enemies to lovers has been ruined for me, peep the DNI criteria in my bio), they had some enjoyable banter. (And personally I don’t mind it giving some kind of emotional stake or our lead someone to fight for. This is just personal preference, rather than formal review writing haha.) Also, I like Dual POV! I was glad to read a story in first person where both perspectives felt unique, not just based on basic personality traits but also backgrounds! Socioeconomic classes are a crucial part of this book (as you could..probably tell lol), and the characters’ different backgrounds greatly influenced their perspectives. It was interesting to read about, and it felt like the perspective changes weren’t just for convenience but also because it was most necessary to know either Gul or Cavas’ insight at the time.

Also! Forgot the name of the group of women that trained/raised Gul, but they were pretty badass and were overall interesting! Glad they got to return for the climax and ending. 

Final verdict: Plot didn’t stand out a ton to me when I was actually reading it, but the execution was solid and the characters worked. Romance wasn’t totally my thing, although I can see how it could be that for other readers, and because a) this book got my attention, b) Bhathena has an interesting writing style? Like, I felt totally immersed, I could tell she had a good grasp on her craft even if judging by the reviews fantasy wasn’t a genre she’d written in before, c) I’m a completionist at heart, I’ll be reading the second book. It does look like a duology, though, which is something that bums me out because I don’t like the pacing done with them :(. (Peep my Dragon’s Promise review.)

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½/5 stars! 

Paz, signing off!

(Book trigger/content warnings: murder of parents, chronically ill parent, sexual slavery, animal cruelty, blood and violence, classism and discrimination.)

(Thanks Simant on Goodreads for the concise list of CWs/TWs!)

[jaidenhgb]

*taps mic* Is this thing on? Excellent. Let’s get to the introductions.

Hey, I’m Jai (pronounced “Jay”).

I wrote a book.

It’s called _Poems I Wrote for Nobody, in Advance._

If you’re a fan of Avatar: the Last Airbender (or a general nature buff), you’re in luck—it’s sectioned into the repping elements. If you’re a lovey-dovey person—it’s got that too (in a way that encompasses everybody, so don’t fret, fellow EllGeeBeeTees). Looking for a book that safely talks about ideation without shaming you for feeling it? That’s in there too. Call yourself a fan of Black history & literature? Also included. A non-traditional spiritualist or someone just looking for new perspectives on life? Well would you believe it—I gotchu too. Not much one for poetry, but wouldn’t mind a new place to start? Start here.

If you wanna support me long-term, the best way to do that is through my book. Find _Poems I Wrote for Nobody, in Advance_ in my Linktree, as well as samples to my other work.

“But Jai—we don’t even know you. You literally made this account this morning. How am I to support someone I don’t know?”

Very fair, very fair. Baseline—I’m an artist, with my most common trade being writing. I write from the intersections of Blackness, queerness [nonbinary; aro/ace (demi, specifically)], fatness, disability [ADHD, autism, depression, anxiety, etc.] and various other forms of social insecurity. To know me at my fullest extents is to know the vastness of the Human™️ experience, which means if you can’t meet me at *all* my intersections, you can probably see some of you in my story *somewhere.* And if you *can* meet me at *all* my intersections, I just feel liiiiikeeeeee…we should be friends. Besties, even.

“So, ok. Cool. Nice to know you. But why’d you make this account?”

Truth is, I need some help. Remember how I said I exist at many places of social insecurity? Yeah, I mean that very literally. I had to leave my old job for health reasons, and have been using the time to apply to places (and write this book/build a personal site/update all my application materials/literally survive day-to-day). Been applying to places for about 3 months straight, and nothing has come back *yet* (though I remain hopeful). But I’ve got bills to pay and food to eat in the meantime, so I need all the help I can get.

So again—to support me *long* term, get my book! Share what inspires you. Keep the conversations around it going. But for *immediate* support, please donate to the other links in my LinkTree (notably my Cash App, which is also pictured). Rent is right around the corner, and as I’m sure a lotta my fellow EllGeeBeeTees can attest to—I’d much rather stay secure in my own place than have to return “home” (to read more about *that,* check my “Weekly Writings” under “Transactionality, as Love’s Replacement”).

So, that’s it for now. I’ll update y’all as I get updates on my end. When I meet my goal, I’ll repost this but without the crowdfunding things so y’all can still have that intro to me present.

Thank you all in advance for the support, and I’m excited to see what we build in this little corner of the interwebs. It’s only up from here.

[bookandcover]

Beyond The Story: The 10-Year Record of BTS

A few weeks ago I was chitchatting at work about how I was reading this book and my friend Caleb asked me whether there was anything in the book that I didn’t already know. This question gave me pause, and a moment of appreciation for the fact that he saw me as a super fan, somebody very well-informed about BTS, which I am (naturally obsessive and deeply obsessed with this, in particular, for nearly 9 years), but I so rarely think of myself in this way. More often, I feel aware of how little I actually know about BTS and how much more I wish that I could know about them. There’s a part of this book where a similar sentiment is expressed by BTS about their fans, ARMY. The writing of “Boy With Luv,” lead single from the Map of the Soul: Persona album, is framed around this curiosity; BTS is turning their attention back on the fans that have been with them for so long. They’re aware that their diverse global fan base lives so many different lives, and yet has some thing unshakable and special in common. The song “Boy With Luv” begins with questions as the members of BTS wonder about ARMY’s days. This moment in the book was, in a certain sense, something I did know about because I’d experienced the first iterations of these questions back in 2019. I remember being in The Galapagos on vacation when I took time to reply to Jimin and J-Hope’s posts on Twitter including these lines from the yet-unreleased song. They seemed to be just asking ARMY about their days. I remember being excited because my day had been so exciting (I had something to share!) and I remember posting a photo I had taken of a beautiful, iridescent crab that I wished Namjoon could see. It was such an interesting moment: I felt this longing, this need to share with BTS, this wanting to be closer to them. To now see this moment framed from BTS‘s perspective in this book and to understand this as a deliberate choice on their part to begin the song in this way made me smile. Yes, of course I knew BTS wanted to ask ARMY these questions, but to read about their curiosity and their thought-processes in this book took me outside of myself and reframed that moment. My experiences were filtered through BTS’s eyes, which was the key thing that was new to me in reading this book. The threads of connection they perceive, and the care and forethought in planning certain things and making certain choices—so much of that was new to me, even though the things themselves were familiar.

In this vein, I remember noting early on while reading that the interviews with the members of BTS and their direct quotes reflecting on how they felt during certain periods of time throughout their careers were the most revealing and the best parts of this book. I also particularly enjoyed the quotes from Bang PD and his perspective on BTS, as individuals and as a collective. Of course, these quotes give me a new understanding of how the members felt as they struggled through some of the darker moments of their careers. I reflected that my favorite BTS albums, namely Dark & Wild and Love Yourself: Tear, seem to be the products of the darkest eras. I don’t think I was aware of this, at least with the level of concreteness communicated in this book that allowed me to draw a clear link between BTS collective mental/emotional state and the artistic out-put of these albums. While this book repeatedly emphasizes BTS’s professionalism—they show up and they do the work, regardless of anything else going on—these albums seem connected with BTS’s most pivotal emotional traumas and I wonder whether that is something I’m connecting to in these particular albums and, if so, is my love for these particular albums a strange way to feel? These albums have been ones I’ve turned to in moments of emotional disorientation, confusion, and trauma in my life, yet something I have always valued about these albums is the fact that though several of the songs are sad or emotionally-fraught, they are still addictive. I can listen to these albums over and over again and internalize them. These songs aren’t sad in a way that makes me sadder, but in a way that makes me calm, reflective, and engaged with my own feelings. I am feeling and I feel with more self-awareness, as “Outro: Tear” loops in my car. 

BTS’s interviews in this book, in addition to revealing to me a new and intimate understanding of how they felt or how they struggled (though I should say less “new” than simply “different,” as I’ve clearly felt for years the articulation of these emotions through their songs and through their performances), also granted me new windows into their self-perception and their perception of each other. I love those golden insights into who they are and what they care about as they perceive each other. I was struck, yet again, by how carefully the members of BTS perceive each other. Again, this is something I already know, but now I know it in a new way because of this set of interviews. I remember reading V's description of how different Jimin is from him, and I felt how confused he was at a certain point to see Jimin’s overwhelming drive, even desperation, to succeed, contrasted to V’s self-perception that he lived in the moment, accepting things as his fate. Jimin, V saw, struggled against everything, took everything so deeply seriously. I remember Jin’s way of describing going fishing with Suga; I remember Jungkook talking about his trip to Japan with Jimin and how seriously he took his decision to come to Big Hit because of RM. I’m consumed by J-Hope talking about his full immersion in the world of rap and hip-hop when everyone in that first dorm lived and breathed music. These are stories that I know, but I know them in a new way now.

A third thing that I knew, but re-learned, about BTS (like an affirmation of something that I’ve always known) is their ability to take risks to reinvent themselves and to pivot as artists. This is something that Doris and I have talked about before, the risks BTS has taken at moments in their career when they’ve done something dramatically differently than what they did before. For example, there was no precedent for the Love Yourself series, which seemingly came out of nowhere, as if BTS completely reinvented the wheel to create this approach to lyricism, aestheticism, and narrative. The same thing could be said for The Most Beautiful Moment in Life series. HYYH was the time at which I was just becoming a BTS fan and so I didn’t understand in listening to that music how what they were doing with these albums was such a dramatic choice to try something different, to express something authentic but new. This book helped me see how deliberate those choices were; those choices were not made blindly, but were deliberate creative leaps, and it wasn’t enough for BTS to just think of the next step slightly ahead, but to reach for something out of a wholly different lifetime and reality. I have such strong appreciation for BTS’s capacity for reinvention, in part because of this book. 

Something that surprised me, however, was the book’s focus on curated promotions centering these deliberate directional, artistic choices made with each album in each era. The book emphasized the role of Big Hit in the curated promotional schedule. This effort and planning was framed as being deviated from dramatically with the release of the BE album in 2020. For BE, there was no longer a plan to follow a particular promotional schedule with set traditions around types of promotional content, and, instead, interested was generated organically through individual members uploading YouTube Lives, in which they did things like paint or dance or talk about the album, that were simply the product of their daily lives during the pandemic. I think this way of talking about curated promotional content surprised me because I have always felt BTS to be so deeply organic. Yes, their work is carefully crafted and curated, full of thoughtful artistry, but to me that has never seemed like anything other than the natural byproduct of wanting to present polished work with layers of artistic nuance. To think of the things that came before an album as carefully curated promotions, done on behalf of the company, surprised me, but I could also see how the perspective of this book would be more centered in the “behind the scenes” (pun intended) aspects of work at the company and the philosophy behind the collective artistic choices that were being made. 

I realized that something that may be contributing to this difference between how I have viewed BTS’s promotional content and the way this book describes this content is that BTS’s promotional content is so human-centered. Their promotions feature themselves, showing parts of their artistry and their decisions and showcasing their work process for the viewers. Even a BTS photoshoot is done with real artistry because the members are thinking carefully about how to express their emotions in a still photo, while deconstructing and exploring the roots of these same feelings through music on the album. When someone says “promotional content” I think of something much less human and much more artificial; I think of the way Western promotional content rarely puts the artist front and center. Western promotional content might be, on the whole, less curated than fragmented, as companies make financially-driven decisions and try to engage the audience through the cheap gimmick of unanswered questions or a tantalizing glimpse into the aesthetic that the viewers or listeners should expect from the upcoming tour or album. BTS’s promotional content, on the other hand, has always felt more like textured world-building surrounding the album than fragments of the thing itself. One excellent example of this is the way ARMY have joked for years that the teaser for a MV doesn’t sound anything like the song itself. The teaser doesn’t work like “a tease” of the song, and instead works like complementary content for the song, to get you wondering about the creative landscape that is beginning to come into focus for you, the fan. 

Perhaps a narrative is inevitably created in retrospect when we look back on the project of 10 years. It’s easy to draw connections, to see the way in which BTS built on something that had come before while making a huge creative leap and taking a real risk (the risk being whether or not an audience, who is familiar with and enjoyed a certain type of thing, would follow the same group of creators to a totally different thing and enjoy that, too) at every turn. For BTS to have succeeded in their wide-ranging creativity, ARMY must be people who like, and will engage with, a variety of kinds of art and music. I feel this to be true of myself (I often say “I read anything,” “I listen to anything,” I’m here for something that is high-quality and thoughtful and moves me and it doesn’t matter what genre it is, that genre itself seems irrelevant—existing only so far as to be questioned and recombined, to be thought inside of and outside of simultaneously). I am glad to see that there are so many fans who love and identify with this creative breadth. I remembered while reading the section about CONNECT: BTS (an effort BTS made in 2020 to work with visual artists on a global scale) that I thought at the time how it was almost surreal the way in which BTS were the perfect artists for me, emotionally and intellectually, producing the exact kind of thinking about art that was exciting and rewarding to me, as somebody who cared about interdisciplinary connections and philosophical exploration of the self and why human beings create and why we care about foraging connections with other humans through art. 

I can’t separate myself far enough from BTS to know whether or not BTS became who I would most want them to be or I became who would best be able to see them. It’s a kind of co-evolution, and isn’t that bizarre? How could it be? That I would be influencing them, in turn? And yet, of course I am, as one of millions of diverse ARMY, somehow on a collective wavelength, curious about each other, meeting to intermingle and spark new directions. 

On page 335 - 336 of this book, J-Hope talks about the process of coming to “know one’s self” and how connected self-knowledge is to self-love. J-Hope says, “LOVE YOURSELF, while it has the message to love yourself, on the one hand I thought, 'what kind of person am I?’ I studied myself a lot during that time and I came to the realization that I had a bright energy and that I was someone who could pass that energy on to others….Also, as I looked at ARMY, I came to think once again, ‘that’s right, this is who I am.’ That was the journey.” The book says “like j-hope says, it was actually a process to ‘know yourself’ in order to find out if you can ‘love yourself.’ No matter who you are, this is a process that is inevitably ongoing, and there isn’t one single answer.” This is what I expressed and realized in my writing last summer in the poem that says, “I have come to realize, shamefully late, / that to know myself / is the central act of self-love.” I know that BTS has helped me to see this, and also somehow, in some small way, I have helped BTS to see this. That is a bizarre thought, but it also makes sense because this understanding is not something that we are creating, but a truth we are uncovering. Somehow the set of experiences of being BTS and being ARMY over this past decade is a process through which this truth is uncovered: that the effort of getting to know one’s self is worth any degree of effort, as it means you love yourself if you engage with discovering who you are, if you show yourself the care of thinking deeply about who you are so that you will come to know yourself.

This book, I assume for BTS and also for me, is part of that process of self-discovery, of knowing how to reflect on oneself to process and engage with one’s own thinking. For me, then, to reflect on BTS and, through them, on myself is an act of self-love and self-knowing. This book is “the 10 Year Record of BTS” and I’m sure that BTS would be the first to say, “it is also, therefore, the 10 Year Record of ARMY.” This is not because BTS “owes their career to ARMY” or something so simplistic, but because BTS has ARMY like a mirror that we hold up to each other. If I spend time learning new things about BTS, as I long to, what I’m doing simultaneously is learning new things about myself. So, of course, there were things in this book I didn’t know; there were the things that I didn’t know about myself, and Caleb was right to ask me that question because he thinks of me an expert, just like he’d be right to ask me if there were things I didn’t know about myself. Aren’t we surely experts on ourselves, we all assume? And yet, the more I learn, the more I come to know how much more there is to learn about me. 

[tryst-art-archive]

Oct. 2012: Response 2

I had an epub class that was partially about ebooks and publishing for ebooks and partially about information literacy in the age of the internet. There's some odd reflection pieces scattered around related to that, so we'll throw those in here.

--------Response follows------>

            I tend to pick up information by chance. I don’t get info through TV, typically—I don’t have or want cable as I don’t much enjoy television, and what I do watch (thank you, Netflix) tends to be along the lines of Doctor Who or Game of Thrones with the occasional bout of How  How It’s Made or Dirty Jobs. I have a hard time focusing on spoken word—it contributes to my disinterest in TV—so radio and podcasts tend not to be options as I invariably discover that I stopped paying attention three minutes in and any attempt to go back and pick up what I missed results in my catching only three additional minutes. As to print, books suffer from much the same trouble as TV except that I love books—it’s just that I’d rather read fiction than non—I dislike magazines almost entirely—the writing tends to be bland, bland, boring, bland, with very few subjects of actual interest, even in a quality magazine, so they just don’t hold my interest for more than a few paragraphs—and newspapers are unthinkable; they’re far too unwieldy to even consider reading. Thus, I get information through word of mouth and the websites that I follow, picking up a new tidbit here and there.

            Usually the new tidbit is enough for me as they’re often trivial tidbits: what new videogames are coming out (doesn’t matter; I’m too poor to buy things as they come out) or dogs saving their owners from sure death (which is touching and all, but I don’t really need to know, do I?) or which celebrity did what (information I immediately excise from my mind), etc. When something is interesting or needs me to form an opinion, I typically set about searching not for the single most reliable source that will give me the one true, most factual answer but rather for as many perspectives as possible. I like to find the two extremes on a given issue and compare what they have in common. I’ll also try to get a few more neutral sites and a purely factual one, if possible, to round things out. If I’m lucky, there’ll be a third or fourth perspective available. I very much believe in context and circumstance as the determining factor for most human decisions and traits, so it seems only logical to me to look at a single thing from as many angles as possible to uncover all of its possible contexts and thereby not only discovering the commonalities in all the stories, uncovering the incontrovertible facts that way, but coming to my own conclusion on the subject by taking the best points of all perspectives and weighing them against each other.

            In terms of actual tool-usage, I find I don’t need to be too choosy. There are some sites I continually return to (The Escapist, Gawker, Boing Boing, Jezebel though I take them with an extra heaping pile of salt, The Huffington Post which is similarly salt-worthy, The Daily What, the BBC, etc.) and a few tools I use for very specific tasks; I like online databases for questions related to the arts, in particular, and I have a Firefox add-on specifically to help with finding the best deal when shopping. I also tend to peruse specialty forums if I need advice on something, whether that’s what computer to buy or how to modify a GoGo Boot to make Chell’s Long Fall Boots for a Halloween/PAX East costume. In general, I find that I prefer to do a mini version of crowdsourcing, gathering info from the specialist, the hobbyists, and the passionate and gathering as much of it as possible, instead of seeking out one site that claims to have the final say. Anything that looks like an ad, exhibits poor copyediting or extremely unkempt design, uses an overly cocksure and snarky tone without providing links and other sources to back itself up, and anything that displays a cruel or morally corrupt sense of humor receives none of my attention, and I shun the offending website in future searches. Other than these criteria, I’m pretty much open to any source, though not in isolation; it must be paired with its opposite and then several halfway points. That way, I feel as though I have not only facts but a full picture.

[dandywonderous]

ok I decided I wanted to do the “questions for fic authors” now

I’m procrastinating :) Warning that some of these answers link to NSFW fics or dip into mentions of NSFW subjects.

Original post here!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work?

Mm I would say either Tight Fit (FFXV) or Falling (And Rising Again) (Twisted Wonderland). Tight Fit in particular is my most well received work, but I feel like Falling gives a good idea of what I’m about in a third as many words. I tend toward hurt/comfort and romance (Tight Fit is explicitly Promptis) as well as friend/family feels. Also humor? I try to be funny anyway lol.

2. Top 3-5 Most Used Tags

1. Pre-canon (31)

2. Established Relationship (25)

3. Hurt/Comfort (9)

4. Angst (7)

5. Fluff (5)

UHHHH “Pre-canon” being the most prominent tag is probably the fault of me being in the process of moving all my One Piece fics from FFN over; I did a 30 fics challenge for Silvers Rayleigh and so unsurprisingly most of the fics from that collection were pre-canon. Otherwise this is pretty representative; I prefer established relationships to developing ones and as for H/C, angst, fluff... yeah that’s pretty much my whole brand right there.

I was really scared one of the kink tags would be in this list HAHAHA

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Fucking making a bitch fall asleep to end a scene, does that count? LMAO

I know if you threw all my fics into a word cloud generator and saw what popped up some patterns would definitely emerge  (and one of them would be overuse of the words “just” and “a bit,” I swear I’m trying to cut back!!), but I don’t think I’m self-aware enough to be able to tell you what my characteristic tropes are.

My writing style does tend to lean more on short descriptions and lots of dialogue, if that helps.

4. What detail in a fic are you really proud of?

The thing that I’m most excited about now is something in a fic that I haven’t put on AO3 yet so I can’t say that one hahaha. 

I will say in Fresh Air, I made it explicit that Dedue is the first to realize something is wrong with Dimitri, but that it’s Byleth that pulls him out of his ensuing panic spiral, because I think it’s appropriate for both of their characters, something that one of my dear friends commented on later. It’s nice to see stuff like that getting caught!

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about a fic?

Hhhhhh hmm... actually I’d probably love to go into a way too long ramble about the finer points of the AU I’ve created for Say You’ll Stay With Me but I ACTUALLY NEED TO FINISH THAT FIC before said finer points even become relevant so... I won’t say it here. I can’t really think of anything else though.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of a fic that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

We only get Aomine’s perspective in Hold On To Me so we all missed Himuro getting ready to kick his ass for breaking his little brother’s heart. Kagami talked him out of it though, no worries.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

I know I need to get back to both fics but I really like the worldbuilding I’ve been doing in Say You’ll Stay With Me as well as Justice, especially in the latter it’s been fun to think about how Akechi’s personality changes the story when he’s in what is usually Akira’s place.

8. What song would make a great fic?

Someone have your character break out of prison the guy in the song Ol’ Red does LOL

9. How do you find new fic to read?

I haunt certain tags, especially specific character/pairing tags. I’m rarely in main fandom tags unless it’s just a really small fandom. More often though I just avidly refresh the tags of the characters and/or pairings I’m most into. The only real exception is the Kink I’m Trying Not To Name in this post, I haunt that tag too lol.

Btw when I say pairing tags I also mean gen relationship tags (ones with &), like right now I’ve been haunting the Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT) tag. So be sure even if you’re a gen writer that you’re using relationship tags! We’re out here!

10. How do you decide what to write?

The way I usually describe it is that an idea has to “crystalize” for me to decide it’s something that I want to write. Basically, that means if I can not just think out the general trajectory of the story but also can see certain scenes really clearly in my mind, including actions and dialogue I want to write. It doesn’t mean I have everything planned out when I start (I’m a pantser for sure), but if I don’t have those certain touchstones of scenes that are already really solid in my brain I know I won’t be able to write the fic, even if I love the baseline idea.

Sometimes though even if a single scene has really crystalized for me, if I can’t get the bits and pieces to get there to form then I still won’t be able to do it. I would like to start doing more of what I used to do back in my RinRei days, though, and just put stuff like that on tumblr, when there’s something that’s really clear in my mind but not what goes around it. I did this a bit with AzuJami recently but maybe I should do it more often...

11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity?

OOOH I definitely have biases and it shows. Usually I have a favorite character I brainrot about the hardest and they’re all I want to write for. 

That said, if I really really love a fandom I can still branch out from time to time, if the mood strikes me. Right now the fandoms I have the most fics for are One Piece and Free!, so they’re the most representative samples. Most often I wrote about Sanji and Rei respectively, so if you look through my fic for those fandoms you’ll see those names most often, HOWEVER especially for OP I wrote about plenty of other characters and pairings that didn’t include Sanji too, and I did so here and there for Free! as well.

I think as I’ve gotten older and just had less time and attention span to spare on writing, I’ve gotten more selective, and so usually I spend the biggest amount of my time writing for the pairings and characters I really care about to the exclusion of others, which is why my OP library (written almost entirely while I was in high school) is more varied (because I was probably cranking out 10K to 20K words a week) but my TWST library is exclusively Azul focused. It’s not that I don’t like other TWST characters/pairings (I actually have a partially finished LeoRuggie fic sitting in my google docs), it’s just that I only have so much energy lol.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

HMMM... I don’t know if my tastes have changed THAT much over time but I’m more open to certain kinks than I used to be, especially like omegaverse stuff and pet play. As far as SFW tropes go though I can’t really think of anything in particular.

13. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

I’m not interested in slow burn romance anymore. If they aren’t kissing by the 20K word mark I’m out of here.

Also character death. There are ways to write character death well, but most of the time it feels like cheap shock value to try and manipulate me into crying.

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

The two above, mainly. There’s really good ways to do both but you gotta earn my trust before you do it to me lol

15. What’s your favorite AU you’ve written?

Again probably the one for Say You’ll Stay With Me, which is FFXV without the prophecy and also the war ended earlier, and also Prompto never got out of Niflheim. It’s been fun to examine how this changes the story.

16. What’s an AU you would love to read/have read and loved?

I’m not HUGE on AUs but I’m really partial to MT!Prompto fics, and especially I would rec Poor Wayfaring Stranger by lithos_saeculum and Running Behind by Asidian. 

I also really loved (do you take this jerk to be) your one and only by jatersade (ATLA);  a Zukka fic where the war ended early and Zuko is arranged to be married to Yue.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

Um I don’t know if I would be the only one to appreciate it but a fic has been kicking around in my head where Jamil is turned into a genie and forced to serve the Asim family until his lamp is bought by Azul. It’s much more complicated than that but that’s the basics.

Most of my “AUs” that I like most still take place in the same world but mess around with the events of the timeline or base mechanics of the story, in case that wasn’t clear by literally all the AU fics I’ve listed so far being ones that are still set in their original world lol.

18. If you wrote a sequel to a fic, what would it involve?

I always had an idea for a sequel to... um... okay well this involves The Kink That I Was Trying Not To Name.

I had an idea for a sequel to Breaking The Seal (Sk8) that I never wrote (mind the tags, pls). I won’t get into the specifics here but I guess if you want to know, send me an ask LMAO.

It would have been real good too... maybe I’ll still write it one day if I can get myself to rewatch Sk8.

I also wanted to write a sequel to I Keep On Hopin' (We'll Eat Cake By The Ocean) where Azul and Jamil dip into dom/sub and obedience kinks to fulfill both Jamil’s desire to control and his desire to be praised, in a safe and fun way that is good for both of them! And I still do want to do that eventually.

19. If you wrote a spin-off of a fic, what would it involve?

I don’t really want to write spin-offs of any of my own fics that I can think of. Sometimes I read someone else’s fic and want to take some idea there and spin-off into my own thing but I always feel bad about it so I just leave it for an imagine spot for myself and don’t actually do it, lol.

20. If you wrote a prequel to a fic, what would it involve?

I had an original idea for an AzuJami fic that basically turned into what happened before I Keep On Hopin’ (We’ll Eat Cake By The Ocean), but in the end I kept getting frustrated with it so I didn’t write it. But basically it would have centered on Azul dealing with his body image issues while trying to have sex with Jamil the first time, even without his real body involved.

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in a fic, what would it be?

I would have had them dance in Masked Faces, Gloved Hands if I’d known they were going to dance in the rhythmic!!

22. Who is your favorite character in your fics, and why?

I’m going to change this to which characters I have the most fun writing for in my fandoms, and those are Azul (TWST), Flayn (FE3H), Ryuji (P5), Prompto (FFXV), Rei (Free), Karkat (HS), Kagami (KnB), Jack Spicer (XS), Theseus (Hades), Reki (Sk8), Donnie (ROTTMNT), Usopp (OP), Nozomi (Love Live), and Marius (ToT).

Two of those fandoms aren’t on my AO3 because I never moved their fics from my tumblr... I should fix that LOL.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

HMMM... I guess I wanna write some fuck or die at some point but I need a canon where I won’t feel bad for doing it.

24. Are there any easter eggs in your fics, and if so, what are they?

Probably plenty in my OP fics but I’m too tired to think of them now... I used to have an encyclopedic knowledge of OP but I’ve forgotten literally everything in the last decade lol.

I don’t really go out of my way to add easter eggs in my more recent fics, though I do reference things from time to time.

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write?

Fan wikis, medical sites, official subtitles if I can get ahold of them.

26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue?

I have done both! I’d probably rather do no dialogue though since it gives you more freedom, but dialogue only can be fun especially for more comedic fics, imo.

27. How long did it take to write [insert fic]? Describe the process.

This one is hard to answer because how long it takes me to write a fic depends on a lot of stars aligning at once. If I’m sufficiently motivated, have time, and really feeling the brainrot, I can do it pretty quickly - writing a 2K-3K word fic in a single session, usually about 5 or so hours, is something I’ve done many times. 

Usually I get all my actual writing done in short bursts like that, rather than working steadily on it over a long time. Like, on all the fics I haven’t updated in too long, the hold up is trying to get myself in the right headspace to do it. If I’m not then I’m just not, or otherwise I could wrap it up pretty quick.

Trust me, no one gets more frustrated with my brain than me.

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them?

I have a friend who reads some of them when we share fandoms, but she isn’t really a beta (though she’ll point out obvious mistakes where she sees them). I’m too impatient for a beta reader honestly, I just want to get the fic written and then get it away from me asap, lol.

29. Playlist for fics?

I don’t do playlists but I’ll do something different here and talk about the recent fics where I used song lyrics for the title, and why I picked that song.

I Keep On Hopin’ (We’ll Eat Cake By The Ocean) (Cake By The Ocean by DNCE): pretty self-explanatory if you know what the fic is about, I think (that is, octopus sex in the water). I’ve never truly understood the metaphor about “cake by the ocean” as opposed to “candy on the dry land” but it still felt appropriate here, lol.

Hold On To Me (Unsteady by X Ambassadors): Hold on to me, because I’m a little unsteady~ It’s an immediate reference to Kagami being paralyzed, but more importantly about the turmoil Aomine is going through as he tries to navigate his new relationship after the thing he THINKS is keeping them together is gone (but not really).

Say You’ll Stay With Me (Oh, Pretty Woman by Ray Orbison) : this is a pretty woman AU, the song is pretty woman, yep that’s it

Collar Full of Chemistry (From Your Company) (Collar Full by Panic! at the Disco): This is my P3/P5 crossover AU that is kind of a Ken/Akechi fic and kind of an Akeshu fic. I went with a reference to this song because of “I won’t leave any doubt or stone unturned” and “if you’re gonna be the death of me that’s how I wanna go,” since so much of the fic is Ken trying to figure out Akechi’s deal, and also, at the end, save him from himself.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone?

Any time I write a new kink I step out of my comfort zone a bit haha but the biggest one was probably Sick Day (Free!, NSFW, PLEASE READ THE TAGS), which was the first time I put my foot into writing something like this but I had a great time, and really got more into exploring kinks like that after. Similarly with Peace and Quiet (Free!, NSFW), which is the first dom/sub fic I ever wrote.

Also it's kind of funny to think back on how Scoot Over (Free!, NSFW) was my first smut fic, and it's a freaking fivesome, because I don't do anything by halves I GUESS.

I wish I had non-smut answers for this but I don’t, sorry LMAO.

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

3K-5K words, it’s what I usually shoot for when I’m doing one shots. For chapters in a fic, between 5K and 8K words. But I go over or under depending on what I have to say for that particular thing.

32. What’s your ideal fic length to read?

It depends! Usually I only click on fics that are at least 1.5K words as one shots and at least 3K words for chapter fics (if they’re only on their first chapter). And I usually avoid fics that go over 50K words, unless it’s something that really grabs me. This is pretty arbitrary and every author is different but I usually think if that’s the kind of word mileage you’re getting then you’re properly fleshing out your story, or at least in my estimation. But I also don’t have patience for long fics, except in certain cases.

33. Asking about chapter lengths, which I answered above not aware this question was coming, oops!

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life?

Very few lol... I don’t write about situations that are similar to my life very often (I mean I don’t even date aldjf;ad).

I was a competitive swimmer from elementary school through high school but almost none of my free fics were actually about swimming so my experience didn’t really help me there LMAO.

35. What aspects of your writing are completely unlike your real life?

/waves at last question

36. Do you visualize what you read/write?

No because my brain doesn’t really do visuals at all. I do hear the characters’ voices when I’m writing dialogue, and usually if I can’t actually imagine the line delivery a voice actor would give doing the line I’ll try to rewrite it.

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves).

The Patron Saint of Sneaking Around (Ferdinand/Flayn, NSFW) is a fic I did recently for a smut challenge. I know it didn't get a lot of traction because Flayn ships aren't super popular but I had such a good time writing it and I'm really happy with how it turned out. Also, Love to Go Around (Rin/Rei/Sousuke, NSFW) is one I wrote years ago but I still really liked how it turned out. I don't normally enjoy cheating as a plot point but for this fic I really enjoyed playing with the concept.

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular?

So not so much anything I’ve written recently, but my OP fic Room for Two was really popular back on FFN (I still haven’t moved it to my AO3 account, no link because I’m lazy). It helped that it was Sanji&Zoro-centric (besides being a juggernaut ship they were also a juggernaut gen pairing), but also I went with a somewhat unique concept, that Zoro’s consciousness was removed from his body and put in Sanji’s - not a full bodyswap but more body-sharing. It’s still probably the longest fic I’ve ever written (actually Kiss Kiss may be longer but I’m too lazy to go look) and the most successful. I still get reviews occasionally back on FFN for it and I’ve been asked to bring it to AO3 (I will! eventually!).

Tight Fit is my most popular fic on AO3, though it was never quite as popular as Room for Two. Still it was Promptis (popular FFXV pairing) and also Prompto Whump, which is a lot of people’s favorite genre of FFXV (mine too!).

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people?

I do spend a lot of time reading writing advice or watching videos on writing, but there’s not really one particular author I try to style myself after. Though I will cannibalize other quirks of people’s writing if I want to do that too, lol. Like if someone has a really good style for descriptions I’ll try to examine why I like it and then think about it in my own writing.

40. Do you tend to reread fics?

I reread fics all the time.  What’s the point of bookmarks if you’re not gonna reread!

Also maybe this is conceited of me but I reread my own fics constantly. I mean, I am writing things that are tailored to what I want to see, so. I’m just scratching my own itches haha.

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

I already linked lithos-saeculum’s fic Poor Wayfaring Stranger further up the post (in the AU questions). Their writing is INCREDIBLE, and they really put a lot of thought into everything that goes into that fic. I think about it all the time.

For a new one on this post, I love the snappy dialogue in The Old College Try by ashemarie is so snappy and fun and in character. I aspire to be so good!

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

I really appreciate the comments that tell me what they liked or what worked about my fics, It helps me know what to keep up in the future.

But my favorite comment will always be the one where my friend said my birthday fic for her healed her with black magic <3 She thought I wouldn’t write the pairing BUT OBVIOUSLY I WOULD.

43. skipping this because I don’t take prompts sorry

44. and same for this

I used to take prompts a long time ago and sometimes I still throw up prompt lists for friends on the other social media I use, but in general I won’t be motivated to write something unless I come up with the idea.

45. What’s something that you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

/stares into the middle distance “Sometimes it feels like I’m never improving”

Uh but being more kind to myself, I’ve really worked on cutting down on unnecessary filter words and spending more time on the more important stuff, like feelings and descriptions. 

46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer?

I usually write on my laptop, but sometimes I’ll pull up my googledocs on my phone just to read over a WIP and then I’ll start writing on it if I feel like it.

47. I’m skipping this one because it confuses me!

48. What was the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

It was And... We're Off! (ROTTMNT) by SailorSaysAhoy and I would! It's very cute. Just brother love, which I love to see! Also I love Donnie and Mikey being little shits to their older brothers (when they deserve it, which they did).

49. What are you currently working on?

“Hey, wait, does that mean we can ask you to build anything we want?”

“What-”

Raph gasped, pumping his arm excitedly in his seat. “I can finally get my skate hawks!”

“That’s not-”

“Pizza oven pizza oven pizza oven!” Mikey cheered, throwing his arms up in elation.

“Hey, stop interrupting, this is <i>my</i> speech!” Donnie folded his arms, glaring down at them. “Why are you all assuming I’ll lose, anyway?”

“Uh, no offense, Donnie,” said Raph, “but you always lose.”

“I’m <i>literally</i> standing on the winner’s podium! Right now!” He waved the medal. “Do you not see this!?”

((Excuse my html marks. I like doing html instead of rich formatting lol))

[ganonfan1995]

So normally I’m fairly averse to adding any sort of commentary on my comics, purely because I want them to stand alone and speak for themselves. But, this comic in particular I feel needs a bit of commentary because I wrote this from a really personal place.

As a small disclaimer, it is okay to have played BOTW and have gotten something entirely different from the story and the characters. Breath of the Wild was designed with the intent that players would imagine their own ideas and stories within the setting.

That in mind, I’ve always read Zelda’s character as being inherently complicated. Both in her role as the princess of Hyrule & priestess of Hylia, but also emotionally complicated. I think she has a lot of feelings that don’t necessarily have the space or time to be fully elaborated upon within the story, and we only get small vignettes of her growth or personality throughout game. Age of Calamity gave us a very different version of who she could be, but that’s integral to allowing a plot like Age of Calamity to work within of the context of a story like BOTW.

The way I treat Zelda and the way I write her is absolutely a mix of both personal tastes and preferences, as well as source material from BOTW + DLC. Specifically referencing her diary, which gives us an intimate look at the "B Sides" of the memories you collect as part of the gameplay loop.

I think Zelda has a lot of personal growth that we haven’t seen yet. I think the steps she can take towards developing a relationship with Link is something the second game might address, I have no idea though. As much as I’d like to think I have wizardly insight…I don’t. But for me, Link and Zelda's relationship is fairly unresolved by the end of the game and it feels more like setup above anything else.

Personally for me, the end of BOTW symbolizes the combined growth between two teenagers who have both been failed by a regime that exploits and abuses them in similar yet different ways. Zelda by no means has had any time to appropriately work through the emotions or trauma she might still have from the calamity. She’s 17, she failed not only herself, but her legacy and her namesake. Even up until the end she talks about having explosive arguments with her father who died before she was even able to reconcile with him. Additionally, what little understanding she has about Link, what relationship she starts to form with him is prematurely cut off by Link dying during the final hour. She’s still holding a lot of feelings back from not only him, but herself as well.

BOTW does end on a somewhat positive note, with both Link and Zelda setting out with the intention of helping the remaining scattered communities of Hyrule, rebuild and heal from the aftermath of the calamity. But as far as their personal developments go, I think there is still a lot unsaid and unprocessed. I don’t necessarily view the tone of the ending as proof that both Link and Zelda are finished grieving or growing -- mainly being that they're still just at the cusp of adulthood. And just how the people of Hyrule need help to heal and recover, Link and Zelda do too.

I don’t entirely view Link and Zelda’s relationship as something that’s romantic. I think there is genuine love between them, but it’s purely out of necessity and codependence. Where the basis for their shared connection is deeply rooted in their combined experiences, still remains to be explored are the qualities that naturally would develop into a much healthier and mature relationship.

I’d like to view Zelda as having a deep resentment for Link in a way that illustrates her own resentment towards her own failures. This is something she canonically does. In her diary, she talks about the memory where she begins to trust Link enough to open up to him and learn a bit about him but she talks about herself as being selfishly absorbed in her own feelings. Whenever she has a chance to see things from Link’s perspective, it’s always backed up by her own self depreciation. Her potential to be a genuine friend to Link is still shadowed by her unspoken "demons" and personal conflict.

Zelda is an incredibly complex character, I think she falls flat a bit, but only at the mercy of the game and method in which the story is told. For me she’s exactly how I remember feeling when I was 17, where things were so expectant of me. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I just assumed that other people automatically knew exactly what they were doing all the time. I was frustrated, I was scared of failing, letting everyone down around me. 17 - 21 are by far the hardest years to navigate.

I also wanted to illustrate a trauma that felt grounded and realistic to me personally. I feel like a lot of Zelda’s sentiments come from a real place. Mainly the internal conflict of feeling torn between that anger and frustration that comes along with trauma, while also feeling guilty for even acknowledging those feelings in the first place.

It’s not fair that she had to go through with what she did, it’s not fair that she can’t emote those intimate feelings and thoughts verbally. She doesn’t hate Link as a person, but she hates what he represents. She hates that there is an emotional barrier between them, she hates that she had ever felt antagonistic towards him. She hates that where she sees a weakness in herself, she sees a strength in him. Just like love, hate is also complex.

You don’t always hate people for the same reasons, just like how you don’t love people for the same reasons.

I’d like to imagine in 5 - 10 years, they both find ways to progress and grow. But like, not when they’re 17…man, I was an idiot and also really mean at 17. I’m not even friends with the same people I was friends with at 17, because you change and grow. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but I think it’s a real thing.

Lastly…the real reason I focused not only this comic, but a lot of my other work on Zelda is just…I like her. She’s a cool character, I wish I got to see more of her.

Anyways I maybe, proofread this thing twice, and I don’t really wanna put anymore effort into writing this.

[ashdumpsterpile]

I wanna talk about my fandom experiences on this site.

I joined tumblr somewhere around 2013-2014. I’d have been around 14-15 years old at the time. I had already been reading fanfiction for five years (I was 10 when I started I think) and had cycled through The Lion King 2, Harry Potter, Thor and Doctor Who, before landing on How To Train Your Dragon. I was reading a fic on fanfiction.net that linked the author’s tumblr bio in the A/N and that’s how I discovered tumblr.

I didn’t get an account for almost a year, but I would log on every day to see what my favorite author posted. She was 25+ (I think), married, and trying for kids. I believe by the time I moved on from HTTYD, she did end up having them. I would log onto anon almost every day to leave her messages on how much I loved her writing.

I’m not going to name who she is--even though she’s moved on from tumblr--but she made a huge impact on my life and influenced how I view fandom. She received a ton of anon hate, but handled it graciously. People came at her over the fact she was older, wrote adult content, wanted kids, had a few miscarriages, etc and she still was the most gracious person I ever observed.

Through her interactions with mutuals and other fandom blogs, I discovered other HTTYD blogs (still not naming any names, as most of them are still active). By this time I had moved onto the MLB fandom, which was just starting to get it’s roots.

After an awkward interaction with an author on AO3, where I begged for an update on a fic I loved and the author (rightfully) exploded on me, I went to a well-known HTTYD blog (a person who is 25+ btw) that I liked and respected and--on anon--asked what I had done wrong.

This person was well within their right to tear me apart, but this person kindly explained my error. I went back to the author on AO3 and apologized profusely. Three years later, when I was writing fic of my own and experienced younger readers treating me as I treated the one author, I remembered how kind the one tumblr account was to me.

This fandom blog that corrected my error and compassionately explained why I was in the wrong, is also someone who has received a lot of anon hate over the years. They’ve always pushed themselves forward, kept their inbox open, and continued to interact with those on anon. I have so much respect for them because they’ve put up with so much shit here, and still continue to be an active part of their fandom.

In the Doctor Who fandom, I followed a tumblr blog who not only was 30+ and with children, but who was an actual author (like I’ve purchased her shit from Barnes and Noble). She humored all of my asks, was kind in every interaction (anon and otherwise), and introduced me to new fandoms that I’m still a part of.

None of these people are even in the age bracket of 40+, but they are what you younger fandom goers view as “old people.” Recently, in my inbox, I’ve received a lot of hate for 40+ Tumblr blogs. I’ve also been “accused” of lying about my age and being 40+ myself because I “defend them so adamantly.”

My defense is strong because I was treated with kindness and compassion by older fandom members. I value them because they are good people. You don’t stop being interested in x fandom just because you have kids or turn 25, 30, 40 or have a career.

And FYI, these fandoms that you hate-anons are a part of-- the ones that you shame 40+ year olds for being in--are created by people who are 40+. Your content isn’t created by teenagers.

We should value older members in our fandom. They are the ones who have paved the way for us. They are the one’s running AO3. They are the ones running ComicCon. They are the ones graciously continuing to create content (for free!!) for you younger members.

Sadly, most of you won’t understand, or agree with me, until you hit a certain age and realize that you’re still interested in x fandom and you have kids/a career/etc. You’re going to find yourself in a position where you regret who you were as a teenager/young adult and how you treated those around you.

I was fortunate enough to be in a space where I was allowed to grow beyond my shortcomings and broaden my perspective. I only hope the rest of you will be able to do the same.

I hear you when you talk about p*dos on this site. I have zero interactions with these people. I have never met a p*do here. That’s a topic I don’t like to touch with a ten-foot-pole as someone who’s been a victim of such things IRL. Which is also none of your business btw, but I feel like is worth noting.

If there are any 40+ (or any age but that's the one the anons are so set on) p*dos on this site, then I’m 100% behind you on the fact that they’re creepy and don’t belong here. Let’s please remember to not generalize every person above a certain age as a p*do, however.

We are a community that should strive to protect and uplift each other, but it’s not my responsibility to protect minors on this site, it’s a courtesy for me to tag my shit as sensitive content, and I will not fall victim to purity culture as many others have.

If you are a minor interacting with my blog, you are not my responsibility and I would prefer not to interact if possible. However, if you come in good faith, onto anon, and start an interaction with me, I will strive to be like the older members on tumblr who were kind to me.

Let’s please continue to value what older fandom members have done for us. <3

[screadingchallenge]

Behind the Keyboard Volume 23

Behind the Keyboard is a series of interviews with different Schitt’s Creek fanfic authors. The series will last as long as there is interest (from authors) and capacity (from me). If you are an author from the Schitt’s Creek fandom who would like to participate, send a DM to this account.  

Each author was given ten questions. The first five questions are the same for every author, the last five will vary.

Let’s meet our next author:

@linda-priv​ /  oh_precious_love

How many fics have you written?

Eleven

When did you publish your first fic on AO3?

Dec 11, 2021

Describe your writing process from “Oh, I have an idea” to pushing publish on AO3.

At the peak of my writing ideas, I would often fall asleep, or wake up, with full sentences formed in my mind, so I'd scurry to write them down before I'd forget them.

All my writing is done on my computer, with nothing but my own thoughts (no music or noise surrounding me). 

I can literally spend hours typing out my words and often have to stop so I can sleep and get up for my 'real job'.

I can easily spend four hours at a time writing and it was almost always linear (to my storyline). However, on occasions, words for later paragraphs manifest and I have to quickly type those out, then go back to my progressive storyline.

I edit as I go, but once my story is completely written, I reread it and make more edits. I also ensure I edit in a different format, e.g. on my tablet, or in AO3 draft, or I print my words. I often find reading it in different formats helps me weed out more errors.

I then call upon one or two of my betas to edit for me. I then re-edit my work before uploading to AO3 in draft format. I read it again in AO3 before hitting the 'publish' button. And, being in Australia, I always seem to publish before midnight so that people on the other side of the world wake up to my published fics.

Tell me about your most recent fic? What do you love about it? Is there anything you think you could have done better?

My most recent fic was a Valentine’s Day fic titled 'Love You A Whole Lot, My Pony'. It was very special to me as it included prompts from two friends I've made in this Schitt's Creek fandom. My fic was inspired by an image shared by one friend, and a video shared by the other. The two prompts did not correlate at all, but I had a very clear idea of how they'd work together in my story.

It really was a rollercoaster of emotions experienced by both David and Patrick in this fic, but I loved exploring just how much they love each other, despite their flaws and eccentricities. And it was important for me to reiterate that even though they can irritate and push each other's buttons so particularly, their deep-seated love and understanding always reigns supreme. So there's angst, and swearing, and eye rolls, but there's also tenderness, and humour, and fluff and smut. This fic also includes coding for text messages (which is one of my favourite skins to use) and some HTML links to the image and video. Plus, there's a very hot dance sequence inspired by saud video.

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about publishing their fic for the first time?

The best piece of advice is to find yourself a beta. I was sceptical at first, having someone else read and edit my words, but the insights and perspective you get from someone else can be profound. In saying this though, my next piece of advice is to remember that, in the end, your work still needs to be YOURS. So if you're not sure about an edit or idea, sit with it, mull it over, and then decide if it works for YOU.

As a beta myself, I always make it clear that these are only my opinions, and the writer needs to be sure they are comfortable publishing what THEY choose. My mantra, 'You do you'. (Thanks, Jake… and @obsessedwithdavrick​).

Most memorable comment you’ve had on one of your fics?

My most memorable comments are the ones when readers mention me nailing my characterisation of certain characters. 

Knowing that I've done a character justice, and that a reader can imagine the characters in their true form through my words, means so much to me. As does when readers tell me they found my words funny, or hot, or sweet. I love making people feel things.

What do you do when you get stuck?

I find stepping away to be the best thing for me. I'm a creative person outside of writing, and I know that if I create things when I'm not motivated, the end result is subpar. So I come back to it when I feel ready.

I think we put ourselves under so much unnecessary pressure to write, and write, and write. And why? Writing should be fun; something we do because we enjoy it. I try to remind myself, and others, that.

Who is another fic writer you admire and why?

Gosh, how does one choose???

I admire many writers for various reasons, but I admire:

@blackandwhiteandrose​

@designatedgrape​

@chelle-68​

for making me feel all the feels. Every time I read their fics, I feel like I am right there with the characters, experiencing everything they are.

@deenerann​

@lisamc-21​

are my faves for their amazing long fics and exceptional smut.

If you could say one thing to your fellow fic writers, what would it be?

As hard as it is, try not to compare yourself to other writers. Write for you; write because it brings YOU joy, because it makes YOU feel good, because it allows YOU to live in the wonderful world of fiction.

Every writer has their own skill set, and their own challenges, and every reader has their own preferences. Just do YOU!

What’s one question you would like to ask Dan Levy about writing?

I love how Dan has mentioned that he spent so much time developing the backstories of his Schitt's Creek characters. I wonder if he does this for all the characters he writes.