#even though ive slept. more in the past few days than i ever normally would

[ilostyou]

sitting in class still feeling sick is. positively torturous

[luminnara]

It’s Been a Long, Long Time | Ch 6

Summary:  When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back...and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!

Part One | ... | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

Tags:  @kyrah-williams @oceanmermaidwitch @shawnie--jo @super-cape @ferxaniti @namjoonwatcheshentai @fandomsstolemylife00 @youngblood199456 @nightlygiggless @darlingely @ bluemoon-icecream @kaz11283 @jenjen8675309 @dollfacev8 @witchinpractice @mystical-b3ar @sukeraa

Bucky refused to leave the omega’s side while she stayed in the lab. Bruce had to stop him from trying to crawl onto the bed with her, and after about the third time, he convinced the super soldier to just pull up a chair like a civilized person and hold her hand while she drifted off to sleep again. Now that she was with her alpha, she had settled down for another nap, more interested in resting than answering any more questions so long as Bucky stayed and kept an eye on her. 

Steve had to admit, it was endearing. He had never seen his friend so absolutely enraptured like this. Whenever the omega, or Ten, as Bruce was still calling her, shifted in her sleep, Bucky’s eyes were snapping over to make sure that she was okay. Whenever she let out a little whimper, he was purring and stroking her hair. Whenever she seemed like she might wake up again, his attention was completely on her.

“So...sure you don’t remember her?” Steve asked, pulling up a chair. He had left for a few hours to work out, and after a lack of updates from FRIDAY, he headed back down to check on everything. They were exactly as he had left them, which was a good sign. At least nothing was getting out of hand. 

Yet.

Bucky shrugged, rubbing the back of the omega’s hand with his thumb. “I dunno. It’s...foggy.”

“Well, it seems to me like you’ve either got a history together, or she’s mistaking you for someone else.” Steve said. “Quite frankly, it’s hard to do the latter.”

“I’ve dreamt of her.” Bucky said quietly. 

“...what?”

“It’s not much, but...I’ve seen her face.” Bucky looked down at her. “I think that no matter how many times HYDRA wiped my memory, she’s always been in there. Kinda like the one constant that was always around, the one thing I could always count on being in the base with me.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Steve asked.

“Never knew if she was real or not.” Bucky sighed. “I thought...maybe she was just something my mind made up to fill some of the gaps. But she smells exactly like I remember.”

Steve sat back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched his friend. Bucky wasn’t snarling anymore, most of his attention trained on the omega while she slept. Now that he was close to her, he had calmed down significantly, though he still wouldn’t let Steve within five feet of her bed. 

“Just got off the phone with Tony,” Bruce announced, walking in. “He and Pepper will be back tonight. Pepper’s having some clothes and personal items delivered for our new omega friend here. They also asked about renovating a more permanent room for her, but I, uh...told them I wasn’t exactly sure what the situation would be.”

“She’s staying with me,” Bucky said immediately. 

“Now hang on, hang on,” Steve leaned forward. 

“Steve,” Bucky growled. “I want her with me.”

“Buck, you don’t even know her—“

Bucky interrupted him with a loud snarl, the omega in question whining and squirming in her sleep at the sound of it. 

He immediately shut up, brushing a thumb over her cheek and shushing her until she was sleeping soundly again. Fuck, he felt so stupid. What was wrong with him? She could have woken up, or been scared, or upset, all because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. She needed her rest, and he needed to stay quiet. 

Steve almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“Oh, Buck,” he shook his head. “You’re in deep.”

—

Amoretta woke feeling well rested, and it wasn’t until she tried to stretch and felt the tug of her IV drip that she remembered where she was. Opening her eyes revealed the bright lights of the lab, and as she started to sit up, a few faces came into view.

“Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty,” Bruce said. “How are you feelin’?”

She licked her lips. “Juice box. Now.”

“Way ahead of you. Had this one waiting as soon as you started waking up.” He tossed one to her and was pleased when her hand shot up to catch it. “Reflexes look good. Vitals are all reading normal. I’ll have to run another test to see what’s going on with those suppressants, but I’m willing to bet you’re metabolizing them fairly quickly now. How are you feeling?”

She pulled the little straw off the back of the carton and jammed it into the top. “Nauseous. Like usual.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Side effect of the suppressants?”

“Always has been. Other than that...I feel great, actually.”

“Well, as soon as these wear off, we can figure out something nicer and more modern for you. If you want to use them, I mean.” Bruce shrugged. “Your choice.”

She smiled. “Choice. I like that.”

“Hey, we’re all about independence here,” Steve said happily. He was glad to see she was awake, even though Bucky wasn’t.

The other alpha was still at her side, but, as of about half an hour ago, he was napping. Steve made a mental note to never let him forget the way he slept straight through the one moment he had been waiting for all day. 

“What time is it?” She asked. “There’s no windows in this damn place.”

“Just after dinner,” Bruce chuckled. “You slept most of the day. Bucky hasn’t left your side.”

She looked over to her soldier, smiling warmly at the sight of him sleeping. He was even snoring softly. “I haven’t gotten to see this in forty years.”

“Did you two, uh…” Steve cleared his throat. “Spend a lot of time together?”

The omega laughed. “You always this awkward around girls?”

“That’s not—“

“Relax, I’m just giving you a hard time.” She sucked on her straw. “But...yeah, we did.”

“So...you were just kept for his ruts, or…” Steve was so awkward it was almost endearing. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I think.”

“It’s okay. I know my lot in life.” She kept her eyes trained on Bucky as she spoke. “But if I’m going to answer more questions, I want to get out of this bed. And I want real clothes. Then I’ll talk.”

And so, only several minutes later, Bruce was handing her a sweater and some shorts he had grabbed from a little stash of extra clothing, and Bucky was startled awake by Ten stepping past him. She was finally free from all the tubes and cords that had been sticking out of her during her little hospital stay, and she was all too eager now to explore the tower.

She stood on wobbly legs, almost falling onto him when she tried to take a step. Bucky was up in a flash, ready to catch her, and as she fell against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her. Despite just waking up, he felt fully alert, completely ready to tend to his omega’s every need. 

His omega...he liked that train of thought. 

“We can head up to the common area. It should still be quiet.” Steve said, leading the way out. 

Bucky kept an arm around his omega’s waist as they followed, Bruce bringing up the rear. He wanted to be touching her at all times, constantly in contact so that he couldn’t lose track of her. His instincts were roaring to life, demanding that he do everything in his power to make sure that she was safe and in his line of sight. The elevator ride was tense and full of possessive growling, Bucky constantly shoving Ten behind him to keep her in the corner and as far away from Steve as possible, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the doors slid open and they could step out of the cramped space again. 

The common area was empty, thankfully, FRIDAY informing them that the other Avengers were all either working out or in their private quarters. 

“Good,” Steve said, heading towards the couches. “No interruptions. Got it, FRIDAY?”

“Understood, Captain Rogers.”

“C’mere,” Bucky mumbled, pulling his omega down to sit on one of the couches with him. Part of him was feeling a little sheepish and self conscious of his behavior...but the rest of him didn’t give a shit. The others could stare and shake their heads all they wanted, but he’d be damned if he let Ten slip through his fingers again. 

Or whatever her name was. 

Steve and Bruce sat across from them, making sure that they left as much space as possible between themselves and the new omega. Neither of them had ever seen Bucky behaving quite like this--he was on guard, hyper aware of everything around him. He made sure that she was pressed up against his side, an arm draped possessively over the back of the couch so that it was unmistakable that she was with him.

Christ, what had gotten into him? He couldn’t remember ever acting this way about an omega before. 

“So…” Steve cleared his throat, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees.

Bucky didn’t really like the way his posture made him lean forward towards his omega, but he could deal with it for now. “So.”

“What do you wanna know?” Ten asked, plucking at Bucky’s shirt. She seemed to be even clingier with him than he was with her, perfectly happy to be hanging off him or tucked up against his side. “You met my demands. I guess I’m an open book now.”

“I don’t want to overstep my bounds,” Steve said. “We just need to know as much as you’re willing to share.”

“Then ask a question.”

“...Alright.” he cleared his throat again. “You said HYDRA used you to help with Bucky’s ruts?”

Ten nodded, her expression remaining even and cool. 

“Could you tell us more about that?” Steve glanced at Bucky. “Were there ever any other omegas, or anyone we should know about?”

“There were omegas before me.” she answered. “When I first got to the compound, there were a lot of us. They kept us all in big cells, so everyone talked. People said things about how HYDRA was grabbing omegas off the street for their super soldiers, and how the one at our base was the biggest and scariest.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at her tone. He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected her to sound like while she regaled them with her life story, but he definitely thought there would be a tad bit more apprehension in her voice. She seemed proud of herself, and more matter-of-fact than a lot of omegas would be while talking about their alpha’s previous partners. Or...whatever you called prisoners whose only purpose was to help during ruts.

“And I bet he was,” she sighed, leaning her cheek on Bucky’s chest and looking up at him adoringly. 

“Well, I don’t know about that…” Bucky said, an almost shy smile on his lips. And...was he actually blushing?

Steve was going to lose his mind. 

“You said the other omegas couldn’t handle it? That’s why you were given the serum?” he prompted, trying to keep them on track before he drowned in the sticky sweetness of her happy pheromones. 

“Right.” she turned her attention back to Steve and Bucky let out a quiet huff. “HYDRA didn’t really like to take care of us. And the soldier--I mean, Bucky--would wear them out. So...HYDRA would just kind of let them go. Or put them down, maybe. I never saw it.”

Bucky’s expression dropped. His blush was gone, and he almost looked like he was going to be sick as he listened to her talk.

“But it wasn’t his fault,” she said quickly, glancing between him and Steve. “I don’t think it was ever on purpose, you were just...demanding.”

He gave a groan, leaning his head back against the couch. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it, doll. I’d rather know what I did, at this point.”

She offered a small shrug. “I don’t really remember it being that bad, but I don’t think I ever met you before they gave me the serum.”

“That’s something, at least.” he mumbled, dragging a hand down his face. 

“Why you?” Steve asked. “Did you have any prior military experience, any ties to something the others didn’t?”

“No.” she laughed. “I never even got in fights before HYDRA.”

“Then why’d they use such an important resource on you, specifically? Not trying to take a dig at you, it’s just...well, omegas don’t usually…”

“I know,” she said. “Omegas aren’t supposed to be tough, right? That’s why they only ever let alphas become super soldiers.”

“That’s not what I…” Steve trailed off and then sighed. “Sorry.”

“I told you, they gave me the serum so that I would be strong enough to hold my own. It also ensured I would always be around, no matter how many years passed.” Her fingers found Bucky’s free hand and she took it, absentmindedly playing with the smooth vibranium knuckles. “Having me as a constant meant they could stop spending so much time and effort on always having a new omega around for him. Plus…well, I wasn’t really there, but I heard something about it once…”

“What?” Bucky asked. 

“They let you choose who was going to become your omega.” She said, looking up at him. “They gave you a bunch of scents, and you chose mine. I guess it was the only reason they didn’t, uh...humanely euthanize me.”

His eyes were wide. The thought of HYDRA killing his omega brought a low growl to his throat, his chest rumbling with the vibrations of it. “No.”

“Well, clearly they didn’t!” She said brightly. “My file said I was a kicker.”

“So they gave you, an already aggressive omega, the serum, but never gave you any trigger words or fished around in your brain?” Bruce shook his head. “Surprisingly sloppy, considering who they are.”

“It’s not like they ever sent me out into the world. I stayed in my cell all day, unless I was needed for a rut. Then I went and stayed in a different cell.” She sighed. “And if they ever needed to, they could just use the alpha to grab me.”

Bucky clearly didn’t like the thought of that. He made a frustrated sound, leaning his head back again. “Great.”

“It was never bad.” She let go of his hand, moving her fingers to cup his jaw. “You never hurt me. You wouldn’t. Sometimes, when I acted up, they would make you go retrieve me, because they knew you were the only one who could do it. If they didn’t send you, they would just knock me out.”

“So...that was it?” Steve asked. “Ruts, serum, cryo?”

“For thirty years!” She chirped. “The last time they froze me, they were freezing him, too. They always tried to keep us in cryo at the same time so that I could be thawed out and ready when he needed me. But...I guess they just...left me there?” She frowned. 

“See, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.” Steve said. “I didn’t see any signs of a struggle at that base. I’d say they left in an orderly fashion, but the fact that they didn’t take you along makes me think they were in more of a hurry than they made it seem.”

“Natasha might have a better idea,” Bruce suggested. “We can talk to her, try to figure out—“

“FRIDAY, open the damn door or so help me God I will rewrite your entire personality.” A voice interrupted from the other side of the door. 

“I’m sorry, Tony, but Captain Rogers asked me not to.” The AI said. 

“Well, is it an emergency?” The man scoffed.

“No emergency measures have been executed. No security breaches have been identified.”

“Then I’m sorry, but Captain Rogers does not outrank me when it comes to my own robots. Open the door, beautiful.”

She seemed to sigh. “Very well, Mr. Stark.”

Ten perked up, leaning forward slightly. She was watching the door curiously, tilting her head a little when she heard it slide open. Bucky rolled his eyes, grumbling to himself quietly and pulling her up against his side as another alpha strode in. 

“Really? Having a party without me?” the man asked, a smooth, casual air about him as he walked in and looked at everyone on the couches. When his eyes landed on the omega cuddled up next to Bucky, he stopped. “Ah, is this our new guest?”

“Go away, Stark.” Bucky growled. He didn’t like how long the other man’s gaze was lingering on his omega, not when there weren’t any scars on her neck to show who she belonged to.

“Always such a charmer, Barnes.” Tony said, flopping down next to Steve. “Lovely to see you, too. Care to introduce me to your friend? ….No, you’d rather just snarl and forget your words? I knew you were old, but I didn’t realize you were actually a caveman.”

“Tony,” Bruce groaned. “Don’t aggravate him. Please.”

“Why not?” Tony leaned back against the cushions, completely at ease and totally happy to be pressing every one of Bucky’s buttons. 

“Are you Tony Stark?” Ten asked, wiggling out of Bucky’s grip to sit on the edge of their couch. 

Bucky caught her around the waist before she could get very far, though, and dragged her onto his lap. He loomed over her, sneering dangerously at Tony as the other alpha flashed a smile. 

“Bingo.” he said. 

“I never thought I’d meet a Stark,” she admitted. “I always heard about Stark Industries, but I lived too far away from any big cities to ever get to see any of his exhibitions.”

“Ah. You’re from my father’s time. Of course.” Tony shot a pointed glare in Bucky’s direction. “Seems like Bruce left out a few teensy weensy important details on the phone today.”

“Well, it’s been, uh...an ongoing learning experience.” Bruce said sheepishly. 

“Lots of developments, huh?” Tony raised an eyebrow. 

“You could say that.” Steve said under his breath. “We came up here so Ten could be more comfortable while we talk.”

“Oh yeah? What’re we talkin’ about?” Tony asked. 

“They were asking about my time with HYDRA,” she answered, cutting in before anyone else could. “And with...Bucky.”

Saying his name felt odd. Her tongue wasn’t used to it, and her mind wanted to call him alpha, or Winter Soldier. Bucky just seemed so…casual, such a strange thing to call a deadly super soldier. When she heard herself, though, she decided that she definitely didn’t hate it. 

Bucky’s heart gave a little leap at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He wanted her to say it over and over again, in whispers and in screams, for nobody else’s ears but his. 

“...Buck?” Steve asked, pulling him away from his thoughts. “You, uh, kinda zoned out there.”

It wasn’t until Bucky looked at Steve that he realized his eyes had been trained on the omega in his lap. “Yeah?”

“...Is this seriously how you’ve spent the past day and a half?” Tony asked. “Steve, I’m sorry, and I’m sure you’re just trying to be as helpful as you can be, like always, but I think you should let these two get a room.”

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Tony, really? I’m trying to get to the bottom of why exactly HYDRA would abandon the omega they pumped full of super soldier serum. They can get a room later—“

“Yeah, uh, wonder boy? I don’t think your pal is gonna last much longer before he tries to rip our heads off.” Tony nodded towards a very disgruntled Bucky. “You can resume your interrogation tomorrow, Cap.”

Steve looked to Bruce for help, but he only offered a small shrug and stood, heading towards the door. “He’s right, Steve. They deserve some alone time.”

“But—hey!” Steve protested as Bucky picked his omega up, striding past the two alphas sitting on the opposite couch. 

“Thanks for everything, Steve.” Bucky said over his shoulder. 

Ten squirmed, peeking around Bucky’s arm as she was carried away. “Bye, Mr. Stark!”

“Don’t look at him,” Bucky growled as they walked out the door. 

“Did his father really make hoverboards? I heard once that Howard was promising hoverboards—“

“No.” He said flatly. 

“...oh.” She huffed, slumping against him. “Where are we going?”

“My apartment.” Bucky stepped into the elevator, his grip still tight around her. 

The omega perked up. “You have a whole apartment?”

He puffed his chest out a little. “Course I do. Gotta have a nice place for you, don’t I?”

“So I can stay?” Her eyes were bright and happy. “I can stay there, with you, all the time? Not just when you rut?”

He felt a sad little pang in his heart. When he spoke again, his voice was low and soft. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Then, his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying. “I mean, uh...i-if you want to, that is. I know it’s fast and all, and maybe...would you rather have your own room? Or I can stay on the couch—“

“Bucky,” she cut him off with a laugh, a soft hand cupping his jaw. “You’ve been my alpha for seventy years. I’d say we’re actually moving pretty slow.”

His expression relaxed again, lips stretching into a small smile. “Right. Yeah. You’re right.”

They spent the rest of the elevator ride in comfortable silence, Bucky rubbing his scent glands all over her hair. He wanted to make sure that the next time they encountered anyone else, she smelled exactly like him.

Like her alpha.

When the elevator came to a gentle stop at Bucky’s floor, the doors opened, and he stepped out in front of his apartment door. It opened for him, having already scanned his biometrics, revealing a small, but cozy, living room. 

He set his omega down on her feet, watching anxiously as she stepped into his quarters. Did she like it? Fuck, was it too small? It was too small. She probably hated it. Fuck, fuck, fuck...he had to salvage this somehow. 

“Well, uh…” shit, he sounded too nervous. He wanted her to think he was a strong, capable alpha. 

He cleared his throat for another start. “Welcome home, Omega.” 

Wait. That wasn’t right. Should he be calling her that? No, probably not, it sounded too possessive, too uncaring. He wished he just knew her fucking name, or something. 

“I mean…Ten?”

Shit, he sounded so stupid. He wanted to impress her, not...do whatever this was.

She just laughed, though, turning and looking at him with those eyes that sparkled like starlight. “Amoretta. My name is Amoretta.”

[xofanfics]

Without Warning - Part IV

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V

Genre: angst, slight fluff

Pairing: Reader x Mark ft. Doyoung

Word Count: 3k

Summary: You and Doyoung had the best summer you could. Now that he’s hundreds of miles away in college, you have to go through senior year alone. You meet Mark at a time when Doyoung is making you feel like you’re single.

Mark was completely taken aback by the events of the night. You’d kissed him and you held his hand and you brought him into your room. Mark could hardly contain his excitement about having kissed you, touched you, and having been close enough to pick up on your scent. For him it wasn’t sexual. It didn’t have to be and, to be honest, he didn’t want it to be. At least, not right now. For now, he was just enjoying this innocence with you.

You went in your drawers and pulled out pajamas, sending Mark into anxiety. Please don’t change in front of me, please don’t change in front of me, he thought. The last thing he needed was to get hard right now and to potentially scare you away. He definitely wasn’t ready for something like that. Thankfully, you excused yourself into the bathroom and returned a couple minutes later with a freshly washed face and pajamas on. 

You looked beautiful as ever, even with no makeup on. He’d seen you a few times without makeup but on most days, he noticed, you’d at least be wearing eyeliner. But here you were, no eyeliner, no mascara, and none of your usual lipgloss with the slight pink tint to it. 

Mark was lying across your bed, heart racing. He was nervous because he’d never seen you in this state and, of course, because he liked you a lot. “You feeling okay?”

You nodded. “Just a little tired. Do you wanna watch my show with me?”

“Yeah. What show?”

“I started rewatching Sailor Moon.”

“I’m down for whatever.” 

You crawled into the bed with him and snuggled up to him, lying on his chest. He wasn’t sure if you could hear his heart racing but it was definitely racing. His heart pounded so hard he could hear it in his ears. He didn’t know if it was because he’d been drinking or what; he just knew that he was very aware of himself right now. Was he breathing too hard? Was he breathing at all? Did he still smell like alcohol? Did you actually like him, the same way he did? He had so many questions and most of them, he couldn’t answer at the moment.

One minute you were watching tv in silence and the next minute, you were asleep. Mark looked down at you and smiled at how cute you looked with your mouth slightly open. He wished he had this view all the time. With a sigh, he thought about all the things you could do if you were his. But for now, he caressed your hand as you slept. He stayed like that with you for the rest of the episode before he figured he shouldn’t overstay his welcome. He scooted from underneath you but before he could get out of the bed you reached out for him, grabbing onto his arm.

“Don’t go,” you mumbled.

“What?”

You opened your eyes and pouted. “Cuddle with me…”

Mark’s heart started racing again but he did what you asked. Plus, how could he resist when you made a face like that. He got under the blanket with you and pulled you closer. You snuggled up to him and said, “Goodnight.” Mark smiled and wrapped his arms around you. And with you in his arms, he fell asleep more quickly than he normally would. 

*

“Y/N?”

Mark shot up, realizing that he probably should’ve asked you when and if your mom was coming back home. He looked down at you, still fast asleep. Should he hide under the bed? In the closet? He heard footsteps coming toward the closed door. Mark bolted into the closet, hoping that the door wasn’t the kind that would squeak as you opened it. Thankfully, it didn’t and he closed the door just enough. He took in a deep breath, praying that your mom had no reason to look in the closet.

“Y/N?” your mom said. She opened the door and Mark heard your mattress shift from outside the closet. 

“Hey,” you said. He heard you yawn loudly. He couldn’t see you but he imagined it in his mind. 

His heart raced while your mother spoke. Was he breathing too loud? Could your mom somehow sense his presence? Thankfully, he’d come over in his socks so there weren’t any shoes by the door to be evidence. He’d met your mom a couple times at this point but he was pretty sure your mom wouldn’t have been very happy to come home and find the two of you asleep in each other’s arms. 

“Did you have fun with Mark and your friends?” She chuckled as Mark’s heart continued racing. “That’s good to hear. Anyway, it’s been a very long double shift so I think I’m going to take a bath with those bath salts you got me for my birthday. Get a little more sleep.”

“Okay,” you said, “See you later.”

Mark heard the door close and relief swept over him. A moment later, when he was sure your mom was gone, he whispered, “Y/N…”

“Mark?” You opened the closet door, surprised that Mark was there. You found him in between your jeans and your t-shirts. “Oh my God, I thought you left! I’m sorry, I forgot to set my alarm. I should’ve told you my mom was coming home in the morning. Unfortunately, she’s not on vacation in Mexico...”

“It’s all good,” he said, chuckling as he stepped out of the closet. “As long as she didn’t see us in the bed together, I think we’ll both survive.”

You laughed, too. “That was way too close.”

“Yeah, for sure. I should get out of here before your mom comes back...”

You nodded, moving out of his way. “Let me make sure she’s in the bathroom.” You left him in the room for a moment. Mark grabbed his phone from under your pillow. You came back and said, “The coast is clear.” 

You waved him over and he followed you to the front door. 

Mark turned to you. He needed to know before leaving here. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” you said, stretching.

“Do you remember anything from last night?”

You nodded. “I remember everything. I meant everything.”

That brought a wide smile to Mark’s face. He felt his cheeks get hot and he wasn’t sure if he was visibly blushing or not. Then again, he didn’t care. Hell, if you meant all the things you’d said, nothing else mattered. You wanted to kiss him, genuinely. He wasn’t sure if you liked him like that but you clearly felt something. And, for now, that was good enough for him.

You had something you wanted to say but you hesitated. Things had taken a turn since last night. “Um…”

Mark noticed your hesitation. He supposed things did get a little awkward. “What’s up?”

“Since we’re sober now, will you kiss me?” you asked, taking Mark by surprise. You’d been so forward for the last ten hours and he had no idea what to make of any of this. You didn’t know what had come over you the past few hours.

“Yeah.” 

Mark leaned in slowly, pressing his lips to yours. Your lips felt the same, more or less. They weren’t as moist without lipgloss and they no longer tasted like cotton candy. But he enjoyed the kiss with you nevertheless. He pulled away a few seconds later with a smile. You looked into each other’s eyes for a moment and he kissed you again. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Yep.” You took his hand in yours and squeezed it. “Now get out of here before my mom catches you here.”

With a chuckle and a kiss on your cheek, Mark was gone with the wind. 

*

Doyoung was annoyed and frustrated. He’d been trying to contact you for weeks on end to no avail. You’d dodged every obstacle. He’d hit you up on LINKEDIN, for God’s sake. He was putting in all that effort and you ignored him every time. He’d tried contacting you through your friends, on social media, and so on. But there was never any response. 

And then the one opportunity he had to talk to you, you were drunk off your ass. Was it that bad that you couldn’t contact him sober? Was it that bad that you had to be drunk to speak to him?

He was frustrated because he fucked up. He fucked up and he didn’t mean to. New stressors in his life weren’t any excuse to treat you the way he did. He got caught up in this new life and he took you for granted. He assumed you’d stick around because you loved each other, even though he hadn’t been acting like it. College life became more important to him that managing the relationship. But he snapped that one time and that was all it took to destroy the relationship. He was so stupid not to realize what was going on, not to realize how distant he’d become. It didn’t look good on his part, as your boyfriend.

How could he have been so stupid? He missed you. Some days, you were all he thought about. Were you sleeping well at night? Were you having fun? Did you...miss him? 

He was frustrated because he made a mistake, one that cost him even his friendship with you. He lost his girlfriend and his best friend, all at once. And he hated it. He missed being able to vent to you when he’d had a shitty day and he wished that he could call and tell you about it. But you took that option away from him and Amber and Phil weren’t much help either. He didn’t want to put them in the middle; it was an issue that he had with you and it wasn’t right to try to go through them.

Doyoung’s phone rang on his desk, disrupting him from his thoughts. It was his mother. She was the last person he wanted to speak to right now. He let it ring, hoping that she’d just leave it at that. The phone stopped ringing and he let out a sigh of relief. The relief only lasted for a few seconds and she started calling again. Doyoung rolled his eyes and sighed instead of hurling the phone across the room like he’d imagined in his head. He picked up the phone from off the desk and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hey mom.”

“Just calling to check on you. How is everything?”

“It’s going okay. I’m working on a paper right now. I’m almost done. I got an B on my biology exam. I think I’m getting the hang of how I need to study for that class.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m sure you’ll do better for the next exam. Start preparing now so you can get a head start.” She cleared her throat. “Did you book your flight yet?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve been so busy. I meant to tell you about it yesterday.”

“Good. The prices were getting more expensive.” She let out a deep sigh. “I can’t believe your brother is getting married in three weeks.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to have to come right back to school after.”

“Me either. But you know how event venues are. They got a good deal considering it’s a weekend.”

“It’s going to be a long weekend.”

It would be. But all he could think about was the possibility of seeing you while he was back home. He had so many things he wanted to say, so many things to make up for. He just wanted confirmation if things between you two were truly over. What would he find if he looked you in your eyes? Love, hate, or indifference?

*

Amber hit you in the arm with the copy of Romeo and Juliet that had been sitting on your desk. “You and Mark what?” 

You shrugged and said, “We kissed...a few times. And he might’ve slept over last night...”

“Slept over? Did you guys do it?”

“No!” you said, probably a little more loudly than necessary. “It wasn’t like that. We just...cuddled and slept. But I forgot to set an alarm for when my mom came back so Mark must’ve heard her calling me and he hid in the closet.” You grabbed an oreo from the box sitting in the middle of the bed as Amber sat cross legged at the foot of the bed, waiting for the rest of the story. “At first I was sad because I thought he left in the middle of the night but he ended up in the closet because my mom came in to say hi.”

“Well this was definitely unexpected,” she said, “but Mark’s a pretty decent guy, being from the male species and all.”

“Yeah…”

“Why didn’t you tell me you liked Mark?”

“I didn’t know. I mean, I never thought about it.”

“So you’re not sure?”

“I think I do like him…I mean, I liked the kiss and the cuddling. And it’s not like he’s not attractive.”

“You’re not using him to get over Doyoung, right?”

You shook your head. Of course, getting over a two year relationship wouldn’t be easy but you had to move on eventually. And, with the way he treated you, it would be easier once you met someone who truly had your best interests in mind. Mark was a sweet guy and he was a good friend. Even though things had been platonic up until this point, Mark had become one of your closest friends. You could trust him with your life and you knew that, perhaps, you could trust him with your heart, too.

You weren’t sure what came over you that night but all you could think of at the time was “What if we kissed?” The alcohol gave you the nudge but you found yourself thinking of Mark constantly. And every time you did, you smiled. You remembered how you felt when things had gotten more romantic with Doyoung. You’d get butterflies when you heard his name and you were excited to see him everyday at school.

It was pretty early on but you knew that you were starting to like Mark, as more than just a friend.

*

Lucas jogged over toward Mark, sweaty and exhausted. He plopped down on the bench next to his friend and took a long swig from his water bottle. They’d been playing basketball for about an hour. “Ready to go?”

Mark nodded, standing up. “Yeah, let’s head back. I’m starving.”

Lucas stood too and they headed to the parking lot, in search of the car. Mark took out the keys to his parents’ car and got in. As Lucas got in the passenger, he said, “So what happened after we left last night? Did you tell her you like her?”

“Well we, uh, kissed...and I did tell her I like her.”

Lucas smirked. “So she likes you after all, huh?”

“I mean, I think so.”

“What do you mean, you think so? Did you ask her?”

“I mean I didn’t ask her directly.”

“So what the hell did you talk about then?”

“Well we actually didn’t do too much talking.” 

As soon as the words left Mark’s mouth, he regretted them. He knew that it sounded a lot dirtier than he meant. And he knew that Lucas would take it the wrong way.

Lucas’ eyes widened as he took it the wrong way. “You fucked her?”

Mark turned in his seat. “No, no! We didn’t have sex or anything like that. I know it sounds kinda weird but she brought me over next door to hangout because she didn’t wanna be alone and then she kissed me and then she wanted me to stay over and cuddle with her. So we cuddled and we both fell asleep.”

“Cuddle, huh? We all know what cuddling leads to…”

“Hey, just because that’s what you and Marina do doesn’t mean it’s the same for me and Y/N! When are you going to start dating her anyway?”

“Hey! Don’t change the subject! We’re not talking about me and Rina. When are you going to take Y/N on a date?”

“Soon. I’m just not sure what we should do. Got any date ideas?”

“Y/N is a pretty simple girl. What about a picnic at the park? You could go around dinner and watch the sun set.”

*

Mark was feeling extra excited today. He got to the bus stop a few minutes early, so he could rehearse what he was going to say to you. He’d rehearsed it a million times last night into this morning. Initially, he thought about texting it to you but he decided against it; he figured that asking you in person would be better.

He’d been texting you all weekend but he hadn’t hung out with you. Part of him was hoping that the two of you could hang out at least once but you’d been out with your mom all day yesterday. And he understood because your mom hadn’t had a Sunday off in a while. He was satisfied with the kiss you promised him over text messages. 

You snuck up on Mark without meaning to. He’d been so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even see you coming in his peripheral vision. He jumped when you appeared in front of him, almost dropping his phone. “Shit!”

“Sorry,” you said, giggling, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” He sighed. “Ready for school?”

“I’m never ready for school.”

Mark chuckled. “Are you busy this weekend?”

You shook your head. “Nope.”

“Would you wanna go on a date on Saturday?”

Your face lit up at his words. That made Mark happy. “I’d love that.” You hugged him, wrapping your arms around him tightly. And when you pulled away, you gave him that promised kiss. 

That, of course, made Mark even happier.

***

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[chaoticpuff17]

A Dangerous Game

part 22

masterlist

Hello, darlings! Second update of the night because I lack any and all impulse control, and I hate myself! But I love all of you!!-- chaotic puff.

“She won’t eat. She won’t sleep. She just… she just lies there.” Namjoon whispered speaking to Jin from the other side of the bed. “I don’t know what to do, hyung. It’s like she’s dead.”

“How long has she been like this?” He asked his voice just as soft, just as serious as he gazed down at the woman.

She was curled in on her side staring unseeing out at the world as she lay tucked up under the covers. Moni was curled up in a puff near her stomach. Namjoon never let the dog on the bed, but he made no move to move the creature now, not when Y/N loved him so much.

“Since the other day. Since the meeting with those bastards from GOT7.”

“Dammit, Namjoon!” Jin hissed running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I told! I told you it wasn’t a good idea to bring her there.”

“I know.” The man’s eyes dropped to her prone form. “I fucking know.” He growled turning his gaze back to the doctor. “How do I fix her?”

Jin glared at the younger man but moved to sit beside her on the bed. He gently lifted her wrist checking her pulse before moving on to check her temperature. “Her pulse is normal, and there’s no fever. Physically, she seems fine. Y/N? Sweet girl, can you hear me?” He asked softly brushing her hair away from her face. She didn’t move, nor did she give any indication that she heard him.

“She hasn’t responded to anything since we got home.”  Namjoon sighed pacing agitatedly. “I don’t know what to do, Jin.”

Jin looked between the pair. What a mess they made. Namjoon looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and Y/N was catatonic. “I can put her on an IV and give her something to help her sleep, but there’s not much else I can do.”

“Jin,” Namjoon pleaded coming to kneel by the bed taking her limp hand in his. “I can’t lose her.”

“I’ll do what I can, but it’s up to her to come out of this. She’s…” He paused trying to think of the right words to say. “She’s been through a lot. I think it finally all hit her. She just needs time.”

“She can have all the time she needs so long as she comes back to me.”

“She’ll need to eat when she wakes up. Something light. Her stomach will be delicate after a few days of not eating. Try to make her comfortable. Surround her with things that make her feel safe.” Jin recommended feeling sorry for the other man. “She likes Peonies.” He suggested gazing sadly down at her, the guilt eating at him for not fighting harder to keep her away from that meeting.

Jin carefully set up the IV leaving her with a saline drip and a sedative to put her to sleep for the first time since Jackson had allowed her to be sold off in the name of an organization she had no part in. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the guilty look on Jackson’s face, the smirk on JB’s face. She felt Namjoon’s touch on her skin. The oblivion of the sedative was a relief, a dreamless sleep to take her away from it all. Namjoon was not granted such relief though.

He stayed by her bedside, watching over her as she slept for the first time in days. He wanted her submission, but he did not want her like this. He cursed Jaebum over and over in his mind already thinking of way he could get himself out of this “alliance” and put a bullet in the bastard’s brains, Jackson’s too. He never should have agreed to letting her come to that meeting. When he was through with them, there would be no such thing as GOT7.  

Y/N slept for two days the entire of which time, Jin remained in the estate monitoring her progress. He’d even managed to force Namjoon to take a break eventually shoving the man into bed before he could collapse from exhaustion. Yoongi had been placed in charge of the business much to the man’s annoyance. He preferred to keep to the field. He was a brilliant marksman and a ruthless negotiator, but he hated the administrative side of the business.

“Is she awake yet?” Namjoon asked returning in a rush after having been called in by Yoongi to deal with something.

Jin looked up from his book to look at the bedraggled man. “No, Joon. The sedative’s all out of her system by now though, so she’s just sleeping.”

“How long till she wakes up?” He asked settling into the chair Jin had vacated taking her hand in his.

“She’ll wake up when she wakes up.” The doctor shrugged.

“It’s been three days, Jin.” He murmured softly rubbing circles into the skin on the back of her hand. “She has to wake up. She has to.”

The doctor shrugged again. “She’ll wake up when she’s ready to. Give her time, Joon.”

“Three days.” And Namjoon looked like he hadn’t slept in any one of those three days despite the sleep Jin had forced him to get.

“She’s been getting IV nutrition. It’s not ideal, but she’ll be okay for now. If she doesn’t wake up on her own by tomorrow, we’ll take her to the medical center. Okay?”

Namjoon nodded his agreement though his attention was focused on the woman lying in the bed just as she had for the past week. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the days when she had lain there vacant or the days of this endless slumber. He longed for her to wake, to see her look at him with anything but those terrible empty eyes she had had ever since that meeting.

“Please, wake up.” He whispered placing soft kisses on the back of her hand. “Please. I’ll give you anything you want. Just come back to me.” He pleaded eyes fixed on her face. She looked so peaceful, but he would give anything to see her open her eyes. He’d even be happy to have her screaming at him again just as long as she’d wake up.

Namjoon was not an easy man by any means. He had fought for his position building Bangtan up from the ground until he was internationally feared and more powerful than he had ever imagined, but his woman made him soft. In his eyes, she was such a fragile thing, and yet he knew she held remarkable strength. She’d been fighting him ever since he’d brought her here, and as much as he craved her submission, he still wanted her fire as well.

“We can go to Jeju.” He murmured talking even though he was unsure if she could hear him or not or if she wanted to hear his voice. “I have a vacation house there. You’d like it. It’s by the sea. We could have the wedding there if you wanted, or we could have the wedding here in the garden. I know how much you love the gardens.”

“Come back to me.” He begged moving a strand of hair away from her face. “Please. We’ll be better. I’ll be better. Just come back.”  

His heart nearly stopped in his chest when he saw the first flutters of her eyelids.

“Y/N?” He asked grasping her hand tighter in his as she stirred. “Jagi?” His voice was barely above a whisper in fear that if he spoke any louder it would break the spell and the stirring would be a dream, and she would still be lying there like death. “Please, jagi.”

Her eyes opened slowly blinking unseeingly as she came out of her drug induced slumber. “Jagi?” He grip on her tightened again. Her eyes were still hazy, but they were looking at him. He jumped and sprinted to the door. “Jin!” He screamed into the hallway. “Jin, she’s awake!”

Namjoon rushed back to her side.  “Jagi? Can you hear me?” She groaned noncommittally and curled onto her side. “No, no. You have to stay awake, jagi.” He cooed climbing into the bed beside her, propping her up halfway against the pillows and halfway against his chest. “Stay awake for me, jagi.”  

“Tired.” She groaned snuggling into his chest closing her eyes again.

“I know, but you have to stay awake.”  He cooed checking to make sure her IV was still positioned well. “Jin needs to check you over.

“Jin?” She asked.

“Yeah…” He murmured into her hair. “Jin will be here soon. He needs to make sure you’re alright. You’ve been asleep a long time.”

“M’ tired.”  

“No sleeping.” The man felt a wave of relief go through him as Jin rushed into the room medical bag in hand. “Jin, she’s awake.”

He smiled also relieved by the development. “I can see that. How are you feeling, sweet girl?”  The doctor was all gentle hands and soft voice as he began to check her over. “Do you have a headache?”

“I’m tired.”

Jin hummed in agreement running a thermometer over her forehead. “I know, but you can’t sleep yet. You’ve been asleep for three days, sweet girl. I need you to stay awake and eat something for me. Can you do that?”

“I don’t wanna.” She whined scrunching her brow and burrowing back further into Namjoon’s arms and the pillows.

“You have to. I’ll have Miss In prepare some porridge for you and some tea.” He smiled looking at Namjoon whose sole focus was the woman in his arms. “Do you think you can get her to eat?”

“I can try.”  He nodded.

“My hair… is itchy.”  She whined making both hair chuckle.

“She seems okay. But she needs to eat something.” Jin informed giving the pair a relieved smile as he disconnected her from the saline drip. “I’ll be back later to check on her again after she’d eaten. Don’t let her go back to sleep, okay?”

“Can she wash her hair?” Namjoon asked remembering her complaint.

The doctor thought for a moment but nodded. “That should be fine, but don’t leave her alone in the bathroom. She’s a little hazy still.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Don’t let her sleep.”  Jin turned from the door to shoot them both a stern look rolling his eyes in exasperation when he saw her beginning to nod off again, and Namjoon paying very little attention to him. “Namjoon. I mean it. No sleeping.”

The other man waved him off already easing the woman out of bed and into a bridal hold to carry her to the bathroom. “I’ve got her, Jin.”

“You better.” He huffed. “I’m still holding you accountable for all of this.”

“I know, hyung.” He sighed tightening his hold on her as her head lolled onto his shoulder. “I’ll take care of her.”

With that, Namjoon took the still hazy woman to the bathroom to take care of that hair. He set her down on the counter leaning her back against the mirror as he moved to prep the tub. While the water was filling, he came back over to gently as possible help her out of the silk camisole and pant set she had been lying in before stripping himself down as well.  He knew better than to allow her alone in the bath while she was still so out of it. While her compliance was nice, it was also disconcerting. She never would have allowed this if she was fully herself.

“Okay, jagi.” He cooed scooping her up again. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He eased them both down into the warm water settling himself against the tub and her against his chest letting her rest there as he took a rag up and down each of her limbs carefully going over every inch of her. Despite the situation, he couldn’t help but relish the feeling of her in his arms allowing him this sort of intimacy with her.

“Is it alright if I wash your hair for you, jagi?” He murmured gently gathering her hair to one side.

“Yeah.”  She whispered sitting up to give him more access now that she was more awake.

Namjoon’s long fingers gently worked the shampoo through her hair massaging her scalp in the process earning a hum of pleasure from the woman. He repeated this process again after rinsing before working the conditioner through her hair as well allowing her to rest once more against his chest as they waited for it to set.

“You scared me.” He sighed wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please,” He groaned burying his face in her neck. “Never do that again.”  

She didn’t say anything. Her eyes were instead staring ahead of her unfocused and solemn. Every piece of her longed to sink back into the dreamless sleep she had so blissfully been in less than an hour ago.

Namjoon waited for a reply even when none came. Eventually he gave up on that instead choosing to hum some tune under his breath as he rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. When that was done, he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a towel leaving her in the bathroom as he went to grab them both something clean to wear.

He returned dressed in a pair of sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt. It had to be the most dressed down she had ever seen him, she noted as he helped her into a new camisole and pant set in a light pink silk before slipping a soft silk robe over her shoulders as well.

“Let’s dry your hair, okay?” He asked leading her to sit down. “We don’t want you to get sick.”

Eventually, they were both dressed and dried, and Namjoon carried her back out to the bedroom settling her on the large, cushy sofa that sat at the foot of the bed across from the television. He moved to leave, but her hand shot out to grab his wrist, much to his surprise.

“Stay?” She asked willing to take any form of comfort at this point.

“I have to get you something to eat.” He murmured placing a kiss on her forehead. “But I’ll be right back. Would you like me to bring Moni?”

“Yeah.”

part 23

[alinaastarkov]

Motherhood - Arya, Daenerys, Brienne and Sansa

So this is in response to an ask I got and it ended up really long so I thought I would post separately. I’m not great at writing proper metas but this is my poor imitation of one at least, so here goes.

Motherhood and children are key parts of Arya, Brienne and Dany’s arcs. They all act as mothers to other characters in their stories and seem to have a natural maternal instinct that you normally don’t find in female characters who are gnc because men usually just can’t write strong women. Ususally female characters get the choice between children or having skills, but Brienne, Arya and Dany get both in their arcs. On the flip side, Sansa on the outside is a prime candidate for motherhood - she dreams of having children, is romantic, traditionally feminine, etc. But GRRM deconstructs these tropes by almost making her not very maternal at all.

Sansa outwardly conforms to patriarchal gender norms but she doesn’t take joy in or have the instincts of a mother. Her dreams were usually limited to marriage and not much beyond that. She’s growing out of her superficial desires, obviously, but she always thought about romance and being a lady, and having babies was a part of that because of the society she grows up in. She never wanted to actually care for children, she was just told that was an essential part of a “happy ending” and so she bought it. Her dreams about children were only ever about babies. She wants the fantasy, not the reality of raising kids. We can see with her behaviour with Sweetrobin - though it is improving - she really doesn’t have those motherly instincts and disdains the truths of having to care for someone younger.

It was more than Sansa could stand. "Robert, stop that." Instead he swung the doll again, and a foot of wall exploded. She grabbed for his hand but she caught the doll instead. There was a loud ripping sound as the thin cloth tore. Suddenly she had the doll's head, Robert had the legs and body, and the rag-and-sawdust stuffing was spilling in the snow. Lord Robert's mouth trembled. "You killlllllllled him," he wailed. Then he began to shake. It started with no more than a little shivering, but within a few short heartbeats he had collapsed across the castle, his limbs flailing about violently. White towers and snowy bridges shattered and fell on all sides. Sansa stood horrified, but Petyr Baelish seized her cousin's wrists and shouted for the maester. - Sansa VII, ASOS

Robert's lip quivered. "I was going to come sleep with you." I know you were. Sweetrobin had been accustomed to crawling in beside his mother, until she wed Lord Petyr. Since Lady Lysa's death he had taken to wandering the Eyrie in quest of other beds. The one he liked best was Sansa's . . . which was why she had asked Ser Lothor Brune to lock his door last night. She would not have minded if he only slept, but he was always trying to nuzzle at her breasts, and when he had his shaking spells he often wet the bed. - Sansa I, AFFC

Alayne understood all that well enough, but it meant that the burden of getting Sweetrobin safely down the mountain fell on her. "Give his lordship a cup of sweetmilk," she told the maester. "That will stop him from shaking on the journey down." "He had a cup not three days past," Colemon objected. "And wanted another last night, which you refused him." "It was too soon. My lady, you do not understand. As I've told the Lord Protector, a pinch of sweetsleep will prevent the shaking, but it does not leave the flesh, and in time . . ." "Time will not matter if his lordship has a shaking fit and falls off the mountain. If my father were here, I know he would tell you to keep Lord Robert calm at all costs." "I try, my lady, yet his fits grow ever more violent, and his blood is so thin I dare not leech him any more. Sweetsleep . . . you are certain he was not bleeding from the nose?" "He was sniffling," Alayne admitted, "but I saw no blood." "I must speak to the Lord Protector. This feast . . . is that wise, I wonder, after the strain of the descent?" [...] "Just give him a cup of the sweetmilk before we go, and another at the feast, and there should be no trouble." "Very well." They paused at the foot of the stairs. "But this must be the last. For half a year, or longer." "You had best take that up with the Lord Protector." She pushed through the door and crossed the yard. Colemon only wanted the best for his charge, Alayne knew, but what was best for Robert the boy and what was best for Lord Arryn were not always the same. Petyr had said as much, and it was true. Maester Colemon cares only for the boy, though. Father and I have larger concerns. - Alayne II, AFFC

In the last quote she says she has “larger concerns” than Robin’s health. All these characters are forced into motherly roles, even if they don’t like it at first, but Sansa is the only one of them who never actually feels that instinct to care for the child over other concerns. Not all people have motherly instincts so this is not a bad thing, it is simply a truth about her character. She does not have the connection to motherhood and children that others do.

Brienne, Arya and Dany on the other hand don’t conform to gender norms but they don’t disdain traditionally feminine women and all have super maternal instincts. Motherhood and children are an important part of all these characters’ arcs. With Dany, it’s blindingly obvious, and Brienne and Arya have this on a smaller scale, but they all care for and protect people like mothers. Sometimes this means being forceful to ensure they listen and are protected, but all mothers do the same.

The fire leapt from one house to another. Arya saw a tree consumed, the flames creeping across its branches until it stood against the night in robes of living orange. Everyone was awake now, manning the catwalks or struggling with the frightened animals below. She could hear Yoren shouting commands. Something bumped against her leg, and she glanced down to discover the crying girl clutching her. "Get away!" She wrenched her leg free. "What are you doing up here? Run and hide someplace, you stupid." She shoved the girl away. - Arya IV, ACOK

They found Gerren too, but he was hurt too bad to move. As they were running toward the barn, Arya spied the crying girl sitting in the middle of the chaos, surrounded by smoke and slaughter. She grabbed her by the hand and pulled her to her feet as the others raced ahead. The girl wouldn't walk, even when slapped. Arya dragged her with her right hand while she held Needle in the left. Ahead, the night was a sullen red. The barn's on fire, she thought. Flames were licking up its sides from where a torch had fallen on straw, and she could hear the screaming of the animals trapped within. Hot Pie stepped out of the barn. "Arry, come on! Lommy's gone, leave her if she won't come!" Stubbornly, Arya dragged all the harder, pulling the crying girl along. Hot Pie scuttled back inside, abandoning them . . . but Gendry came back, the fire shining so bright on his polished helm that the horns seemed to glow orange. He ran to them, and hoisted the crying girl up over his shoulder. "Run!" - Arya IV, ACOK

"Mostly just roofs," Arya admitted, "but some chimneys were smoking, and I heard a horse." The Weasel put her arms around her leg, clutching tight. Sometimes she did that now. [...] "If we see any leg potion, we'll bring it," Gendry said. "Arry, let's go, I want to get near before the sun is down. Hot Pie, you keep Weasel here, I don't want her following." [...] "You leave Weasel alone, she's just scared and hungry is all." Arya glanced back, but the girl was not following for once. Hot Pie must have grabbed her, like Gendry had told him. [...] Lommy and Hot Pie almost shit themselves when she stepped out of the trees behind them. "Quiet," she told them, putting an arm around Weasel when the little girl came running up. [...] "She ran off when she heard you coming," Lommy said. "You made a lot of noise." And Arya thought, Run, Weasel, run as far as you can, run and hide and never come back.  - Arya V, ACOK

She would make much better time on her own, Arya knew, but she could not leave them. They were her pack, her friends, the only living friends that remained to her, and if not for her they would still be safe at Harrenhal, Gendry sweating at his forge and Hot Pie in the kitchens. If the Mummers catch us, I'll tell them that I'm Ned Stark's daughter and sister to the King in the North. I'll command them to take me to my brother, and to do no harm to Hot Pie and Gendry. They might not believe her, though, and even if they did . . . Lord Bolton was her brother's bannerman, but he frightened her all the same. I won't let them take us, she vowed silently, reaching back over her shoulder to touch the hilt of the sword that Gendry had stolen for her. I won't. - Arya I, ASOS

Arya with Weasel is such a strong example of her motherly instincts. Even though Arya is only 9/10 herself, she takes it upon herself to care for others even when everyone else is telling her not too. Like every other mother, she forces Weasel to do what’s best for her, protecting her even if it makes Weasel upset for a while. At least she’s alive and safe. And she’s good at being motherly too. Eventually, Weasel is actively seeking out Arya as her protector, clinging to her leg, and Arya holds Weasel so casually and naturally, it’s pretty much automatic. And her attachment to her “pack” throughout is just an extension of this because she is always “at the head”, the leader, the protector, the mother.

"They will not hurt me," she told him. "They are my children, Jorah." She laughed, put her heels into her horse, and rode to them, the bells in her hair ringing sweet victory. She trotted, then cantered, then broke into a gallop, her braid streaming behind. The freed slaves parted before her. "Mother," they called from a hundred throats, a thousand, ten thousand. "Mother," they sang, their fingers brushing her legs as she flew by. "Mother, Mother, Mother!" - Daenerys IV, ASOS

Dany had left a trail of corpses behind her when she crossed the red waste. It was a sight she never meant to see again. "No," she said. "I will not march my people off to die." My children. "There must be some way into this city." - Daenerys V, ASOS

Safe. The word made Dany's eyes fill up with tears. "I want to keep you safe." Missandei was only a child. With her, she felt as if she could be a child too. "No one ever kept me safe when I was little. Well, Ser Willem did, but then he died, and Viserys … I want to protect you but … it is so hard. To be strong. I don't always know what I should do. I must know, though. I am all they have. I am the queen … the … the …" "… mother," whispered Missandei. "Mother to dragons." Dany shivered. "No. Mother to us all." Missandei hugged her tighter. "Your Grace should sleep. Dawn will be here soon, and court." "We'll both sleep, and dream of sweeter days. Close your eyes." When she did, Dany kissed her eyelids and made her giggle. - Daenerys II, ADWD

The motherhood part of Dany’s arc is pretty much undeniable. She is the mother to dragons, mother to all her people. She calls them her “children”, they call her “Mhysa” and their care is her primary concern. As seen in the last quote, she agonises over not protecting them well enough, she worries constantly that she is putting them in danger when all she wants to do is keep them safe. Missandei reminds her that she is their mother and she is protecting them as best she can, and like Arya and Brienne she acts motherly in a more personal sense here, making Missandei giggle. Without a doubt, Dany is the best protector her children could have asked for. Motherhood I’m sure will only become more prevalent in Dany’s story going forward.

So far he had been true to his word, and Brienne had been true to hers. Podrick had not complained. Every time he raised a new blister on his sword hand, he felt the need to show it to her proudly. He took good care of their horses too. He is still no squire, she reminded herself, but I am no knight, no matter how many times he calls me "ser." She would have sent him on his way, but he had nowhere to go. Besides, though Podrick said he did not know where Sansa Stark had gone, it might be that he knew more than he realized. Some chance remark, half-remembered, might hold the key to Brienne's quest. - Brienne III, AFFC

Brienne had been betrothed at seven, to a boy three years her senior, Lord Caron's younger son, a shy boy with a mole above his lip. They had only met the once, on the occasion of their betrothal. Two years later he was dead, carried off by the same chill that took Lord and Lady Caron and their daughters. Had he lived, they would have been wed within a year of her first flowering, and her whole life would have been different. She would not be here now, dressed in man's mail and carrying a sword, hunting for a dead woman's child. More like she'd be at Nightsong, swaddling a child of her own and nursing another. It was not a new thought for Brienne. It always made her feel a little sad, but a little relieved as well. - Brienne III, AFFC

One of the women was very old, one was heavy with child, and one was a girl as fresh and pretty as a flower in spring. When Meribald took them off to hear their sins, Ser Hyle chuckled, and said, "It would seem the gods walk with us . . . at least the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone." Podrick looked so astonished that Brienne had to tell him no, they were only three marsh women. - Brienne V, AFFC

"Podrick has never harmed you. My father will ransom him. Tarth is called the sapphire isle. Send Podrick with my bones to Evenfall, and you'll have sapphires, silver, whatever you want." [...] Brienne felt the hemp constricting, digging into her skin, jerking her chin upward. Ser Hyle was cursing them eloquently, but not the boy. Podrick never lifted his eyes, not even when his feet were jerked up off the ground. If this is another dream, it is time for me to awaken. If this is real, it is time for me to die. All she could see was Podrick, the noose around his thin neck, his legs twitching. Her mouth opened. Pod was kicking, choking, dying. Brienne sucked the air in desperately, even as the rope was strangling her. Nothing had ever hurt so much. She screamed a word.  - Brienne VIII, AFFC

Brienne is similar to Arya in terms of motherly instincts. She maybe begrudges her responsibility to Pod at first, but she recognises that responsibility straight away and takes it on nevertheless, protecting him, teaching him, encouraging him. Pod meanwhile seems to love Brienne, taking pride in being her squire, wanting to be at her side at all times. In the end, honour, quite possibly the most important thing for Brienne, is sacrificed to save Pod’s life.

It’s another deconstruction of classic fairy tale characters. Motherhood is associated with protection, and so the gnc women in the series taking on protector roles of the more traditional sense (ruling, wielding a sword, knighthood, etc.) are also mothers at the same time, and the classic princess is what she would realistically be like - superficial and largely without those instincts. It’s another reason to think Arya/ Brienne/ Daenerys will end the series with children of their own.

[huearmy]

The Smell Of Truth - VI

Summary: After years being forced to fight in clandestine hybrid ring, Jungkook is now living in shelter, but life remains bad, the place is abusive, and nobody seems to want adopt him. Until one night a pro-hybrid activist group invades the shelter, and a woman in black smelling like truth promises that things will get better, and he decides to follow her wherever she goes.

Pairing: pitbull!Jungkook x human!Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, future smut maybe.

Words: 6751 

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Grafic description of food. If you are hungry, eat before you read this. Seriously. AND. Jungkook have a anxiety attack, the description is light and focuses mainly on techniques to control the attack, but be aware if you are sensitive to the topic. Even because I wrote this part to help those who, like me, suffer from chronic anxiety and not to trigger anything :) Be safe.

A/N: Sorry it took too long, my head is messy, and I working on something new, and didn’t ajust myself to it yet.

THIS IS A TRANSITION CHAPTHER! I HAD A HARD TIME TO DEVELOP IT AND I STARTED EVERYTHING AGAIN AT SOME POINT AFTER AN MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

Chapter I  Chapter II  Chapter III  Chapter IV   Chapter V  - Chapter VII

One month has passed by since Jungkook first moved in. The apartment looks pretty much like his now, little details showing up his presence here and there, like his personal hygiene items in the bathroom, and his pairs of shoe in the shoe cabinet by the front door, the air filled with his favorite music which he discovered himself on spotify and youtube, the kitchen cabinets and the fridge are full of things you wouldn't normally buy but he would, and all of your streaming accounts now have two user profiles. At first Jungkook didn't think about it too much, you're just so welcoming to him, but he started paying attention to how he should or could or couldn't act to not bother you, since his presence itself is a big change in your routine. You made it very clear, even without saying it out loud with all the words, that this attitude was something mutual so that the two of you could live well together. Still, it wasn't a good first month... not that it was a bad one either, because it wasn't. It's just that... ________________________________________________________________________________________ First of all. In the first ten days everything was taken and shaped by the boyfriend phenomenon. Said name for this unfortunate situation involving Jackson was given by Jungkook's therapist in the first appointment, but we'll talk about this later. Basically all your attention and time were totally directed to your boyfriend during the whole period that he was in the city, and even though he preferred to stay in his own apartment instead of with you - as is usual the two of you - it looked like he had moved in, because when Jungkook wake up in the morning he is already there, in the living room monopolizing the tv, and when he was going to sleep at night, Jungkook could still hear the guy making you laugh in the kitchen. This was justified with a "Soon I have to go back to the capital to work and we will be apart from each other for a long time. We need to make up for it!" And after saying that, Jackson would pull you around the waist to kiss you on the temple, and you would just smile, avoiding eye contact with your face red. At the end of that time, Jungkook got closer to your friends - now his friends too - than to you, who live with him.  Of course you tried not to leave him feeling isolated, after all Jungkook is the exception of your heart, and although you are not used to it, you have a huge affection for him... hard to explain. You did everything you could to try to make him feel comfortable around Jackson - since early on you noticed Jungkook's reservation about him - including him in the conversations and also taking time just for the two of you. But it was difficult, because besides your boyfriend, the weather closed for days canceling all picnic and park plans, an you still had two jobs to deal with, and one of them - that of the law firm - was almost abusive as much work you had to do. Jungkook noticed your exhaustion and wanted not to charge you too much, but at the same time he didn't want to give up lying on the couch with you to watch a movie late at night to receive a pet on his hair.

One night, after Jackson was gone to his apartment, the two of you were doing just that. A blanket covered the two of you on the couch, keeping you warm while a cartoon played on the TV. Jungkook's head was lying on your chest, and you lazily messed with his hair. He could hear your heartbeat, and your voice vibrate as you laugh and comment on the episode. After a while your hand stopped and there was only the sound of your heart, and he saw that you had fallen asleep.

"Y/N?" He whispered to you, getting no response. He thought that you weren't in the most comfortable of positions, with a slightly bent neck on the pillow, so he considered taking you to your room to let you sleep better... He was sleepy too. He thought about it so much, looking at you sleeping, trying to decide, that he slept above you.  

Can't tell how much time has passed, probably not much, but Jungkook was even dreaming when the front door click opening broke his slumber slightly, he wasn't awake yet, but he was listening to the steps of someone walking around the apartment. It was Jackson looking for his phone he forgot. If it weren't for the TV on, he wouldn't have seen you two sleeping on the couch in the dark room, when he went to turn it off he came across the lovely scene of you two unconscious and piled up with pillows and Jungkook's stuffed bunny. After he took a picture with your phone, he went on picking you up to get you to bed, carefully taking Jungkook's arm out of your waist and pushing him aside. Needless to say, Jackson was unaware that the hybrid's protective instincts are strongest when he sleeps. You had your reasons for not telling your boyfriend  about Jungkook 's past, like respecting Jungkook's privacy and feelings, and well, maybe Jackson wouldn't like knowing how you got hurt days ago, and that problem you didn't want to have to deal with. Still, maybe some little thing you should have said.

You woke up in a jump, by a scream, and a loud growl followed by a "no" that sounded more like a bark. For Jungkook, in the first few seconds, all he knew was that someone was trying to get you out of him, and never that he was going to let it happen. Jackson threw himself back against the coffee table, withdrawing his hand so as not to be bitten, feeling his heart in his throat in the greatest fright he has ever had in his life.

"JK?" You seated up.

Jungkook looked from you to Jackson, understanding what he did, his ears flatting down on his head. His fists were clenched, holding the fabric of your shirt as if his life depended on it. The other night he hurt you, Jungook felt guilty, and afraid that you would stop loving him, now in the presence of a man, he was also afraid of the punishment that he was sure would come.

"Sorry..." He muttered. "I didn't mean to... Y/N I'm sorry..." You let a relaxed laugh get out your mouth. The situation wasn't funny to you. Actually, you could see how apprehensive Jungkook was, and deduce why. On the other hand, Jackson was frightened, and not only by the jump scare, you could see he was overthinking... What you needed to do was to relax the tension of the situation, and for that you would make them see that you are relaxed. Again, you are a good actress when you need to.

"No need to apologize, JK. He scared you, didn't he?" You laugh, and then you give Jackson a mocking glare. "And you almost shit yourself..." Jackson looked outraged at you, but when he spoke there was laughter in his voice.

"Listen, young lady. I wasn't...!"

"I heard you screaming." You cut him off. "Why are you here again by the way?" You stretched and tried to fix your shirt, but Jungkook was still strongly attached to it. Jackson looked around, as if he was remembering something.

"I forgot my phone here, just don't remember where."

"I think it must be in the office. I remember you using it there" You simply said and Jackson went up the stairs with a nod.

When there was no sign of him, you finally turned your attention to Jungkook, who was still in his curled position beside you, face hidden in you. He was shaking slightly and it broke your heart. You put a hand on his head, fixing his messy hair.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I did it again." His voice was small.

You sighed, placing a kiss on the high of his head.

"You were suddenly brought up. We all got frightened. Nobody is hurt. We laughed it off. It seems to me that everything is pretty fine." You made him look at you. "If I tell you it is all okay, do you believe in me?"

He nodded. "But Jackson... I showed him my teeth. He may be mad at me, and..." He gulped. "Shhhhh." You took his hands on yours, making him let go of your shirt.

"Jackson is a soft hearted guy, he won't be mad at you for something like this. And if it makes you feel better I can talk to him..."

"No!" He exclaimed, interrupting you. "Don't tell him nothing. You'll have to explain about me and I don't want to..."

"It's ok. If you don't want me to say nothing. I won't." You promised. Jungkook hugged his bunny with one of his arms, lowering his eyes.

"It's just that I don't want anyone to know where I came from, or what I did. I didn't tell you everything, even though I trust you... I trust you only."

You can relate with that, you can understand why he doesn't want to expose himself. It's fear of rejection, and you can do nothing but respect, and also, give all the love you have to give, and hope that at least half of it reaches his heart.

"Come here." You opened your arms to him. "Need me to put you to bed?" He laughed.

"No. Thanks."

You pulled from each other, and you got up from the couch, picking up the pillows and the blanket. Jungkook was weeping tears on his cheeks and looking cute.

"Damn, I'm crying again..." He chuckled, turning the TV off.

"Good night, JK." You fondly said.

"Good night, Y/N. Sleep well."

He followed you with his eyes until you disappeared up the stairs and the light went out. His mind was totally against it, but his gut was telling him to follow you, he didn't know why. But he did. As soon as he heard your footsteps close to your bedroom's door, he ran on tiptoe, making no noise, and stopped at the top of the stairs. He listened. Jackson was in the room with you.

"What do you want to ask?" Your voice reached his ears. "It can wait till tomorrow, babe, don't worry." Jackon responded.

In the dark, Jungkook got close to the door and crouched against the wall - so if any of you decided to leave the room out of nowhere, you wouldn't see him there, only if you turned on the corridor light, which you normally don't  do. "Spill it, Jackson." You opened a jar of fancy eye cream, to try to combat the huge dark circles that were installed on your face.

Jackson leaned against the dresser beside you, with his hands in his sweatpants pockets, and said without looking at you.

"I've been thinking about it for some days, I figured you would tell me at some point but you didn't. And after what just happened I'm even more curious about it. How did you meet Jungkook? Where is he from? And why did you decide to adopt him?" You sighed, knowing that this matter would eventually come up. Outside, Jungkook gulped.

"He's a rescue case. I didn't work directly with the legal process, it was a prosecutor friend of mine who indicted his former owners. When he was left without an owner and nowhere to go I decided to help, and that's it. There is no explanation for why I wanted him, or vice versa. Jungkook is just special to me."

You calmly spoke.

"His former owner was arrested?"

"Yeah. For money laundering and conspiracy." Jungkook felt a shiver down his spine. He knew you were going to lie now, or at least not answer, because it's not just his secret, it's yours too. And for some reason he felt like you had to lie to your boyfriend because of him. But technically this last part isn't a lie, his former owner really got arrested for money laundering and conspiracy, it's just that there were many more accusations against him besides these, like exploitation of hybrids, homicide, human trafficking and prostitution, among others, but that part Jackson doesn't need to know.

Jackson hesitated.

"Does Jungkook have a history of abuse?" Jackson said, and Jungkook couldn't define by his tone what he was thinking, it was too flat.

You, on the other hand, were feeling in court, being questioned by lawyer Jackson Wang. He already had a point of view, he just wanted to make you confirm. But you are smart too.

"Why are you asking this?" You crossed your arms.

"He was aggressive down stairs, in the living room, not even ten minutes ago. I know that hybrids with difficult pasts can be violent." He responded.

"That's not what I asked. Why are you, Jackson, asking that? What does it matter to you?" You were incisive. A moment of silence passed.

"I'm worried, I guess. You are living with him now. Hybrids can be dangerous." Part of you understand, a little bigger part got pissed.

"I've been surrounded by hybrids since I was born. I literally work with them every day, both in my stores, both in my legal area. Because my expertise is in the rights and protection of hybrids in case you forgot, Jackson. I know what I am doing." Each word came firmly out of your mouth. "Besides, Jungkook is my friend, you can't just assume he is dangerous."

"He almost bit me! Growled at me!" He snapped, and it longer felt like a conversation, but an argument.

"Jackson what would happen if you wake me up one hour sooner than I planned to wake up?" You put your hand on your hips. "You would complain." He replied as if your question had nothing to do with the matter.

You made a sign with your hands as if the answer was obvious.

"Exactly. And that's what he did. The only difference is that he can growl, besides talk, to express his discontentment, and we can't. End of story."

Jackson pinched his nose, clear sign that he knows you got a point. But it wasn't done yet.

"I understood that part, and I'm sorry. Even so, I'm worried. Because you know him and trust him, but I don't. How can I know that when you are alone it will not hurt you?"

In the dark, Jungkook bit his lip, feeling terrible, because he already did hurt you.

You were feeling worked up, more than you should. You walked past him, stomping.

"I don't want to talk about it. We know... You know very well, that no one needs a traumatic past to be violent. You see bad people with perfect lives everyday on your job." You fumed, and when he tried to respond you spoked above him. "The past of a free hybrid belongs to the one who abused them and not to them. All the bad things were done by other people, and judging them for these things is prejudiced. And I will not tolerate you being prejudiced, Jackson."

At that point you were crying. At the beginning of the conversation, you were trying to be rational and calculate what to say so as not to miss out on anything you shouldn't, to avoid contradicting yourself, to avoid the conversation. But something from then on was a trigger for you. Jackson was without reaction for a moment. Jungkook had to restrain himself from entering the room to comfort you, all his instincts telling him to do so.

"Y/N..." Jackson tried.

"No. Listen." You took a deep breath. "I understand your worry. My mom probably will say the same thing when she meets him, and she is one of the people who taught me these things I just said... But that's the thing, Jackson: you don't need to know about the traumas and hurts, and terrible things that happened with Jungkook - or anyone else - to know him. You can know him for who he is today. I'm living with him for about a week and I already know he is a incredible smart boy, absolutely good in almost everything he does, and that he is afraid of the microwave, and he loves sweet things, especially if he can mix everything up in a misshapen sugar mass that no one else would eat, and the key of his heart is a little bit of attention because... Because he is content with so little. No matter the crumb of love you give him, he will be happy... And that's why I wanted to give him everything... The whole world..."

You were pouting, and tears were running down your cheeks, and your voice was so small. You were so small right now. Jackson reached you and pulled you to a tight hug. You hold him too, sobbing lightly.

In the corridor Jungkook got on his feet and wiped his own tears. He needed to process everything he heard. All the things you said about hybrids and about him, and the fact that you cried because of him. He didn't know what it was, but a feeling so warm on his chest promised that it would be hard to get to sleep again that night, thinking about these things and you. It was really horrible not to be able to enter the room so that he could hug you, and answer everything you said with his feelings - even if he couldn't explain everything, just because he can't name everything. He silently walked down the corridor to the stairs, heading for his room.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I don't even know why I'm crying... " You whined, weeping your nose with a chuckle. "I'll be all puffy tomorrow morning and the fault is all yours." Jackson laughed, pushing your hair away from your wet face.

"I'm sorry. Really, I didn't intend to be a jerk or anything. But I think I needed this conversation, I always learn a lot from you... And I think you needed this conversation too, you needed to put some things out, otherwise you wouldn't have cried." He charmly smiled. "You must be right. But seriously...!" You slapped his forearm. "I would be less pissed if you had a silly jealous tantrum or something like that. It would be easier to solve, just ignore it."

"Yah! Why would I be jealous of you? I know the day you find I guy more amazing than me you will let me know right away. Broke up with me by massege or something like this." "Shut up." You slapped him again. "You didn't turn off the flower shop's alarm when you arrived, right?"

"No." He shook his head.

You smiled wildly.

"So take off your pants and spoon-sleep with me." _________________________________________________________________________________ Then all of Jungkook's documents arrived in the mail, including an adoption request certificate - which was false, made by some of his contacts in the organization - a definitive guardianship certificate that specifies you as his legal guardian and not as owner - a small advance in the law - and that gives him some freedom that most hybrids don't have, like walking around by himself, and at last but not least, his hybrid id.

With all this in hand you finally got to make Jungkook's first appointment with a psychologist. Together you both researched some names of professionals in the field, including the three that the doctor gave you the other day, and some others indicated by friends of yours. One way or another you would have to leave the city to go to the appointments, since your city is small and you didn't find anyone in the region, so one of the criteria for choosing was distance. Another, of course, was the professional background and branch of psychology, and that part was more with you. On the other hand, Jungkook literally chose the cover of the book. When he didn't like the person's face they were automatically excluded from the list.

"And if I get there and right away I don't like their smell... I'm leaving." He declared. "Of course. You must be comfortable." You agreed. "What do you think about this one? He is young but the curriculum is impressive... And he has a support therapy group with hybrids, which is really cool."

Jungkook took your notebook to put on his own lap to get a closer look. You started your research hours earlier, in your office, but after a long time sitting in chairs that left you both with a sore ass, a break to eat pizza and put on pajamas, you were still trying to choose someone, but now under the covers in your bed with the TV on. The website that was open was a clinic specializing in hybrids, and on the page that Jungkook was looking at had a picture of a young man with a bright smile.

"Dr. Jung Hoseok..."  He mumbled to himself.

"He looks nice right? There's some patient testimonials..." You were about to ask him if he wanted to read it but he was faster.

"I want him."Jungkook looked at you with determined eyes. "I like him. Is the first one we see that is truly smiling."

He was planning to choose a woman, because he thought he would be more comfortable than with a man, but this one looked perfect in a way that no one else has looked until now.

"Ok, then. I'm calling them tomorrow morning." You smiled at him. ___________________________________________________________________________ Much to the disappointment of Jungkook and yours too, Dr. Jung's schedule was packed with lecturers and courses, so he wouldn't be able to start therapy immediately as you both imagined, leaving the first meeting with him for the following month only.

So this is it ... A whole month of a lot of rain, in which you were very busy with your boyfriend and your job, without being able to do therapy, without leaving home most days. Without realizing it, Jungkook was building up a terrible bad mood. At first you didn't even notice, because Jungkook is quiet most of the time, and you were too focused on difficult texts full of legal terms that fry your brain. But one morning, the first in weeks when the sky was blue and you had no work to do... The first morning that you slept till late and woke up with a smile on your puffy face, opened the bedroom curtain as a Disney princess would, and hopped down the stairs in a good perfect mood ... That morning you noticed.

"Gooood morning!" You literally sang, passing by Jungkook, who was eating his cereal, standing by the counter. He didn't respond, and you interpreted as his sleep non talking state. "I'm in the mood for eggs and bacon today... maybe a sandwich too. Do you want it? My god I can eat the whole world today..." "No. I could have made myself a sandwich if I wanted to."

You raised your eyebrows, a little surprised, taking milk, eggs, cheese, onion, tomatoes and mayo from the fridge. A second passed before Jungkook added in a grumpy voice:

"Thank you."

On a frying pan you put some butter to melt and brown the bread, and in another one you broke three eggs leaving room for some slices of bacon. At the delicious sound of those ingredients popping on the fire, you started cutting a tomato, and decided to add lettuce and left over chicken from the night before on your sandwich. The kitchen's air was filled with the pleasant smell.

"Are you sure you don't wan't not even the eggs and bacon?" You asked again, turning said bacon so that the two sides would be equally delicious. As a precaution you browned two more slices of bread.

"You don't have to bother." Jungkook murmured, without taking his eyes off the dull cereal bowl in front of him, but still his nose worked to identify the smells in the air. You put a slice of mozzarella cheese and a cheddar cheese on top of the hot bread slices, and immediately the cheese started to melt beautifully. In the pan that no longer were the bread, you put some onion to caramelize.

"No bother. Today is a perfect day, and it’s been a while since I’ve prepared breakfast for you, or that we ate just the two of us..." You gladly spread the shredded chicken over the cheese, and then the mayonnaise over the chicken...

Behind you, Jungkook sighed, and you could hear his lazy steps towards you. Over your shoulder he placed the empty bowl in the sink. He looked at what you were doing and his mouth watered.

"I want mine with ketchup, too." He declared with a frown.

"Get it from the fridge for me, then." You simply said. He obeyed. With one hand you put the ketchup on his sandwich - which you were already making because you knew he would want it, and if he didn't want it you would eat it yourself - and with the other you put the fire out of the pan with eggs and bacon. "Do you want the eggs and bacon in or out of the sandwich?"

In."

You were inspired, so even the olive on a stick on top of the huge sandwich you put. A beautiful sandwich.

"Sit." You happily pulled a chair for yourself. The first bite was heaven for you, making you moan as you chew slowly with eyes closed. You sighed deeply. "Working from home but not getting a decent breakfast like that every day sucks."

No response. Jungkook was eating  with pleasure - as always - but still didn't seem ready to talk. You looked him up and down. You were proud to see that after a month of living with you, he now had the most rosy cheeks and healthiest skin, and clearly gained considerable weight, thanks to the complete and balanced diet that you guaranteed he had. But he wasn't supposed to be in a bad mood. He was supposed to be happy. When was the last time he brushed his hair?

"What are your plans for today?" As if you want nothing, you asked.

"Have any." He didn't even look at you to speak, instead he got up and opened the fridge. "Want juice?"

Okay, you think he's not upset with you.

"Sure." You waited for him to sit back in front of you. "I have to visit some of my stores today, since I've been so busy and haven't had time to check them out in the past two weeks. But I don't even call it work, because it's going to be fast, and I personally love to see how business is going... Do you want to go with me?"

For the first time this morning, he looked at you with interest. Still, it was not the enthusiasm you were expecting, nor an answer, so you continued.

"We can buy useless things, eat ice cream and go to the park... And this time really enjoy it. The weather forecast guarantees that it will be sunny all day." You expectantly  rested your chin  on the palm of the hand.

Looking at you shining eyes, Jungkook nodded with a small smile. You almost jumped from your chair.

"Remember we tried to play frisbee, and I kind of found out that my little cute arms weren't made for that?"

He shook his head with a mocking smirk.

"If it doesn't go far enough to run after it, it's no fun."

"YEAH... Then it started raining and we came home, and we never talked about it again ... "You put your hands together." It turns out that I saw something on the internet that I thought was incredible and I bought it, and we can try it today."

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously.

"This." You showed him your phone.

A wild smile spread on his face and he reclined in the chair. He looked at you one more time and tossed his chin slightly, a quirk that you know by now that means  he is accepting a challenge.

"I'm washing the dishes, and then I'll get ready." He stuffed the rest of the sandwich in his mouth and swallowed the juice in one gulp, rising from the table with determination. ________________________________________________________________ You own a very wide variety of store types, your family practically founded the city generations ago, so what they didn’t open, they invested for someone to open it, it was how you all got rich, and that’s why so many places have your last name on the signboard, and half of them really are yours. The two of you went through your bookstore and music store, the bakery and the karaoke bar... Most of these places Jungkook didn't know yet, and it was interesting to see how you behave with the people that work to you.

It is different from how you act with him, gentle and bright all the time, smooth and carefree, just taking care of him with little things here and there. It is also different from how you act with Taehyung and Jimin, you are relaxed and fun with them, even in the office, when you the lynx are working, you are clearly best friends, and act together as an unbeatable team. It is not as if you stop having all these adjectives or change your personality, but that you put on a layer of boss to act in the presence of your employees. Your usual sweet tone of speech was accompanied by firmness, and even though you were friendly, calling everyone by name, you did not reach out to talk too much to anyone - focusing only on checking if everything was in compliance and solving what needed to be resolved.

Jungkook found it interesting, because it reminded you a lot of how you acted the day you met. You were kind enough for him to trust you, and you were also strong for him to trust you.

And what Taehyung said earlier was true, all of your stores had hybrid employees, at least one. Jungkook was already used to one of the florists in your flower shop being a fox girl - which turns all red and hides each time he appears -, but it was nice to see others like him in other places. Every one of them seemed so happy to see you. Maybe they also smell the truth on you.

"My first part-time job was in the flower shop, I was sixteen. I bought it from my aunt and then it was my first store too. That's why I like living there... It's an important place for me." You told him, turning off the engine of the SUV. You were in the park parking lot, ready to have burgers and fries for lunch - a little treat for yourself after a month without a day off. The plan was a picnic but you forgot the towel or bringing good food, so eating in the car was plan B.

"This is really cool. If you only worked at the store, how did you buy it? With what money?" Jungkook was a lot more talkative now. Leaving the house for a while was what he needed, he must be feeling trapped.

"I found an investor. In other words, I convinced my grandmother to give me the money." You laughed. "It was a little difficult because I was underage yet..."

"Did you buy your first store at sixteen?"

You simply nod. Jungkook was shocked. At sixteen his life was very different from yours, this is nothing new, but it is still strange to think of the chasm between you two...

"At sixteen I was already in clandestine fights for two years." He said, and it was as if one of the million pieces of weight he feels on his chest was gone. It didn't seem much compared to what it was fully, but it was relieving.

On the other hand, you felt your heart break. You didn't know what to say. So many times you told him not to press himself to tell you anything, to talk when he feels ready... so you didn't expect it to be now... that way. Perhaps you were not prepared. But fuck it, you're not the one to be ready. It's him.

Maybe because of the face you made, or how you just stopped eating to look at him in an almost comic way, or because of your eyes filling with tears he added.

"I still don't want to talk about it... I didn't even want to... I don't know why it slipped out. It's just that listening to you talking about your past is so..." He seemed lost in words, not knowing how to organize what to say. "I see you so bright! I wanted to be bright too... I've been thinking about it a lot... About having a job. And... And..."

He looked frustrated. You still didn't know what to say, or if you should say something, so you just held Jungkook's greasy hand from eating fries with your greasy hand from eating fries.

"I want to be the owner of my future." He concluded, remembering what you said the other night.

"A jog is a good first step, JK. I'm proud of you. You have all my support, I can give you a job or help you get one... wherever you want." You intertwined your fingers with his.

He let out a long breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. He was shaking, and he knew you were feeling it in the hand you were holding, if you couldn't see it too.

"I also have another favor to ask." His voice was shaky, but his eyes didn't leave yours, just like when he asked to be with you.

"Anything." You whispered, mouth dry.

Something inside you told you that this was the purest truth about your relationship with Jungkook. That you would definitely do anything for him. You also felt that it should terrify you, just it didn't.

Jungkook took his old wallet out of his pocket and opened it for you to look inside. The photo of two hybrid boys smiling, hugging each other, made you smile too.

"You are the small one." You pointed.

Jungkook nodded.

"The other one is my hyung. We live together on a breeding farm. I think there was a lab too, but I never went there, I don't remember... When I was robbed and sold for the fights he went too, and a few years later we were separated... Do you think you can find him?"

Jungkook didn't want false hopes. He knows better than anyone what life is like for a fighting hybrid, how it ends. But if he survived that long, then his hyung can too, and if anyone can save him, it is you. He just wanted to hear that you're going to try... Even if you only discover the worst of the possibilities... Even if you don't discover anything. Among all the terrible things in Jungkook's head, this is the one that most takes away his sleep, the one that most makes him feel guilty.

"What is his name, breed, age...? Any information you have about him." You were serious, every gear in your brain working.

"Namjoon. He was some type of wolf... Older than me, I don't remember how much." Jungkook's eyebrows came together and he bit his lip, trying to remember anything else that might help. "He loves to read... He is a good hyung... I don't know...!" "Shhh. It's ok." You took his face in your free hand. "You don't need to freak out now, if you remember something later just tell me. With his name, age and breed I can ask my organization friends for help."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. For some reason the smell of the food was making him nauseous... Or it was just his anxiety messing with him. He just didn't want to eat anymore. Suddenly the car was too small and getting smaller for the second, and he couldn't breath. His body started to shake violently, and his lungs were hurting. He let go of your hand and opened the door to get out. You followed him close. Instead of going down your door and having to go around the car, you jumped into the passenger seat and got off right behind Jungkook, who was already bent over with his head between his knees. He was having an anxiety attack. You crouched in front of him and rubbed his back softly.

"Breathe with me, JK, love. Inhale for four seconds... Hold for two seconds... Release for six..." You've been there before, and breathing has always helped you more than most things, not only to stabilize your body, but also to help you focus. "Right... Again."

You breathed with him, still keeping your hand comforting on his back, but not too close to suffocate him. "You don't need to answer out loud, ok? I need you to find five things around us that you can see. Can you do this for me?"

He barely nodded, but you saw he understood. He was breathing like you told him to, opened  his watering eyes and looked around. The trees. The car wheel beside him. The lake shining far away. His shoes. Your shoes.

"Now find four things you can hear." You told him after a while. The birds. Kids laughing somewhere. The radio inside the car. Your calm breathing. "You are doing great, babe. Find three things you can smell." Dirt. Freshly cut grass. You.

"At last... Two things you can touch." You took the opportunity to pet his head. The car. You.

He was calmer, his body collapsed and he ended up sitting on the ground with his face in his hands. You got up, and he didn't see where you went, but you weren't gone for long.

"Here, something to taste." You handed him a bottle of sparkling water. "I don't know if you like it, but it's good for the stomach."

He drank the bottle all at once, and made a face at the end. He doesn't like it.

"Thank you, Y/N. You are always taking care of me. Sorry." He took your hand and intertwined your fingers together.

"Silly, puppy." You smiled at him, and he could swear it is the prettiest thing ever. "You can alway take care of me too."

He wanted to look at you for a while, to be silent for a while. Think only of how sweet and beautiful you are, instead of the bad things. But you got up again, not thinking what he was thinking.

"Can you get up?" You offered help.

He accepted.

"I can do a lot of things besides getting up. I'm ready to run." He smiled wildly.

"Are you sure?" You took his face in both your hands, the color was coming back to his cute cheeks, but you were still worried. He nodded, covering one of your hands with his. You sighed. "Ok then." _______________________________________________________________ You weren't trying so hard, but you got tired just to see how fast Jungkook runs, and after an hour, you can't believe the boy's fitness. Too much stamina, Christ. As he came back to you with the frisbee in hand, at high speed, the wind in his hair made the sweaty bangs fly back. He was stunning. Wild smile and excitement making him look like a child at the same time he looked like every girl's dream boyfriend.

"Throw, another one, Y/N." He sang, already running away. You lifted the cannon frisbee launcher and opened fire. Looking up, Jungkook calculated the route of the flying thing and speeded up to catch it. Since you started playing he hasn't lost one. He only almost ran over a few unsuspecting pedestrians, but nobody got hurt. From meters away, you could hear him jumping up and down before he started running towards you once more. You definitely need to find some physical activity for this child to stay entertained and happy.

"Again!"

______________________________________________________

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[sunmoontruth-stiles]

Hello!! I saw you take prompts for TW and I couldn't resist. I was wondering if you could work some magic with the pairing Erica x Boyd? Berica is my second fav ship (after Sterek) and I feel they need more love. I don't know if you have specific themes/tropes you like to write but would love anything fluffy. A marriage proposal or love confession perhaps? Whatever takes your fancy :) Thanks heaps!

Did I get so excited when I saw this ask that I sat and wrote this immediately? Yes. Absolutely. Berica!!! Ok so this kinda takes place after 3A, but they lived!!! ~1600 words

———

After the alpha pack, Erica and Boyd were inseparable.

Erica had been near death after fighting Kali in the vault. Boyd stayed by her hospital bed for weeks as she slowly healed. He slept in the wooden chair, that was just too small for him, night after night. Erica had always been so animated. She always had a snarky comment, or she was starting a fight. Boyd was never much for conflict, happily fading into the background. Now she was silent, and her expression was softer than he'd ever seen. The others tried to coax him away, asking for his help with the various attacks on the town, but he'd always refuse. Boyd was adamant. He would never leave her alone in that horrible white room. He knew how much time she'd spent in the hospital growing up, and he would make sure she wouldn't wake up alone this time. Erica was his only true friend. Even Issac, his fellow beta, was a stranger to him. He'd sided with Scott, probably the smart move considering his new true alpha status. Their alpha, however, he'd been demoted to beta like them. Boyd wasn't sure if he and Erica even had a pack anymore, but he knew they had each other. She kept him sane in the vault. Her strength amazed him, so Boyd stayed. He stayed until the day she woke up.

The day she woke up was one he'd never forget. After almost three weeks, Erica slowly stirred awake around five in the morning. The steady rise in her heart as she woke up caught his attention from his slumped position beside her. He raised his head and studied her face as her eyes opened with slow, heavy blinks. Erica had looked down at the heart monitor and IV with a hollow familiarity, but then she met his gaze. They just looked at each other silently for a moment, but when her lip began to quiver, he was out of the chair without another second. Boyd just held her. Erica's grip tightened around his large frame with the strength that would crush a normal human's bones. They just stayed like that for a long time.

After her release, Erica wanted to see Derek. She was still loyal to their alpha, even if she hadn't spoken to him since they'd tried to run away in search of a new pack. Boyd explained that Derek was no longer an alpha, that he'd given up the power to save his sister, Cora. Erica just looked at him with those big brown eyes, and he was already on his way to the loft.

When Derek saw her, Boyd could see the guilt and relief wash across the man's face. Their alpha had been so clearly distraught when he found her in the vault, bloody and barely alive. Boyd knew he cared about them, even if he wasn't always a great leader. He made them to increase his own power, but pack is pack.

Erica wanted forgiveness. She wanted Derek to accept that as pack again. Boyd thought he looked physically pained when he told her that Scott had to be the one to accept them as pack. She understood, but she still starred at him. Boyd knew what she wanted. Maybe he wanted it too. They wanted Derek to tell them he didn't resent their past mistakes. What they got was a stiff smile, but for Derek, that meant a lot.

Erica and Boyd weren't quite ready to go to Scott. They knew they'd need a pack, an alpha, but they needed time to heal from what they'd been through. Putting off talking to Scott was like ignoring the rest of the world for awhile. They just drove out to the woods and laid on the hood, starring up at the sky. The clear night let the stars shine brightly overhead. Boyd looked over to Erica, her blonde curls surrounded her head like a messy pillow. He'd seen her face every day for weeks, but it was like she'd finally become herself again. The warmth in her skin and the way her lips twisted up in the corners, like she was mocking the world, were a welcome change to her recent cold, lifeless state. Erica glanced over at him, her eyes sparkling with the reflection of the stars.

"Boyd, we're omegas now, right?" Erica asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

"Right," Boyd nodded. Erica seemed to ponder this for a minute.

"We have each other though, right?" Erica asked quietly. Boyd smiled.

"Right," he repeated. He'd never felt so close to anyone else, even feeling like a stranger to his own family most days. Erica smiled.

"Boyd, you know I love you, right?" Erica turned to him, her blonde curls falling to the side. He turned to face her.

"Right," he said softer this time. She watched him for a moment. "I love you too, Erica," Boyd returned her feelings without any doubt. He felt like he'd said it a million times before, and he knew he'd say it a million times more. Erica beamed up at him, and she leaned over quickly, grabbing his face and pressing a kiss to his lips. His eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he melted into her, wrapping an arm around her waist. She was all the pack he needed.

— 5 years later —

Boyd unpacked the last of the boxes from the truck. They'd had been moving in all day, their collective belongings from each of their college housing filled the moving van almost completely. Though, Erica's things probably took up three quarters of it. The pack came together to get them moved into their new apartment. Scott, Issac, and Derek helping with most of the heavy lifting. Stiles, Lydia, and Allison decided their skills were better suited for directing them, while they sat off to the side and watched the wolves do all the hard work.

"Hell ya! Take your shirt off!" Stiles shouted at their former alpha, causing Derek to roll his eyes. Lydia and Allison just dissolved into laughter. Erica smiled and shook her head behind a large box. Boyd came over, lifting the box from her hands.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Erica jumped up, trying to reclaim the box. Boyd smiled and laughed.

"I got this. You go hang out with the girls," he said gesturing over to the trio of humans. Erica pouted and glared.

"I'm a werewolf. I think I can handle a heavy box," she pursed her lips.

"I know you can, but there's only a few boxes left. We got this. Go have fun," Boyd leant down and kissed her head. A smile broke out across her face. Erica gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before taking a seat on the counter beside Stiles. Boyd smiled fondly over to her before going back outside to the truck.

"So, when are you doing it?" Issac popped up beside him, asking in a hushed tone. Scott came up behind him and raised an eyebrow.

"Later," Boyd smiled and grabbed a box.

"Very specific," Issac rolled his eyes.

"How are you doing it? Are you gonna take her out to dinner? Go somewhere special?" Scott, ever the romantic, flashed his lopsided grin.

"Here. Down on one knee. What can I say? I'm a traditionalist," Boyd smiled before heading back up the stairs. Issac and Scott sighed, hoping for more theatrics, Boyd assumes. That wasn't his style though.

He got back upstairs and found Erica laughing with Lydia and Allison, while Stiles and Derek bickered. Boyd rolled his eyes. Derek never was much help when Stiles was there to distract him.

They finished unpacking the truck and got the boxes sorted into the right rooms. The pack went their separate ways, and Boyd and Erica fell into their couch with a exhausted huff.

"Pizza?" Erica prompted.

"Pizza," Boyd nodded. She smiled and pulled out her phone, ordering it to their new apartment.

They ate the greasy food and watched their favorite movies. The boxes could wait till tomorrow. After a few hours, they were resting comfortably, Erica leaning into his side, and his arm holding her close. The sun was slipping under the horizon, and the glow from the TV and kitchen lit up the room with soft, warm light. Boyd glanced down at Erica. Her hair was in a messy bun, with random blonde curls poking out in various directions. Her black eyeliner was smeared at the edges from the long day. He smiled down at her and caught her eye. Erica glanced up at him, returning the smile with a questioning look.

"What? What are you thinking about?" Erica leaned up a bit to get a better look at him. She paused the movie, studying his coy smile. Boyd shifted to face her.

"You know I love you, right?" He watched her lips hold back a large grin. She nodded.

"Right," she answered firmly.

"You know you're everything I've ever wanted, right?" Boyd said with great fondness. Erica smirked.

"Right," she repeated cockily. Boyd just smiled wider. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the small black box. Erica's eyes got wide, and her confident expression fell to surprise.

"Will you marry me?" Boyd was never one for dragging thing out. He never wanted to waste time, when he knew how quickly it could be taken away.

Erica was nodding before he even got the words out, "Yes! Oh my god, Vernon!" She grabbed his face and tackled him in a kiss. They toppled to the ground and laughed against each other's lips.

[ithisatanytime]

i slept for like an hour, sideways on my bed in my clothes, things have gone more or less back to normal, i feel like shit all day, feel ok around midnight for a few hours, cant think about the future or the past, or the present really. sadness is lurking around and comes in waves whenever i think about anything or relax. for as fucked up as everything was i felt closer to god than i have ever felt in my life for a couple months, but i ruined absolutely everything, and god took care of the rest. the thing is again im not that sad, im in pain but its manageable its just the future as reality inevitably sets in, i just cant think about it.

 like i want to be dead but i dont want to die, i think thats a common sentiment these days. for me though i feel like god is against me, or at least has been against everything ive ever tried to do. its a hard concept to explain without sounding negative, there are people who just cant be helped and honestly im one. i could give a laundery list of examples whereby i tried to change my circumstances for the better even in just some small way and it was like life or fate was conspiring against me tirelessly. the effort i put in these past few months, you wouldnt believe it, i mean i laugh about that weird shift i worked washing dishes at a chinese restuarant but it just goes to show i am not against working hard, like i had a completely fucking busted leg, this was like a day or two after my kneecap slipped out of place and damaged the surrounding tendons and ligaments, and they called me back as i was walking to the restuarant to get a singapore chowfun. and i just said sure ill work you know, i was covered in scabs on my face and neck, i really looked like shit but i was like fuck it i have to try. i didnt even get paid for my shift, i got a free singapore noodles.

  i was out all day and night, either at the gym or the beach or whatever, talking to people trying to network, tried calling my ex you know, not on purpose that just sort of happened, thought i was dying knew i was losing my mind and i knew she would be the only one who would help me, and she did. but i was just constantly trying so hard, and its like the world just opened up and swallowed all my progress, destroyed everything i tried to build, took what little i had. i just dont know what to make of it.

[honestynhedonismthings]

Hell and Back

I’d already been through the wringer. I suffered from a case of sepsis which I found out later was caused by a cut I’d received while having my new mirena inserted. I was getting a new mirena inserted after earlier in the year falling pregnant with a unviable embryo, meaning it wasn’t implanted in my uterus. I miscarried that pregnancy, it was never viable to begin with but it hurt just as much to lose it. It was later discovered I’d fallen pregnant because the mirena I’d had in at the time was dislodged and actually broken, hence getting it replaced when I found out. The most shocking thing wasn’t even the mirena saga, it’s the fact that after my ectopic pregnancy, I’d spent a lot of time and money on doctors who all told me that it was very unlikely I would ever conceive naturally. The sepsis was caught early because being a medical student, I know to keep my own records, and was able to help my doctors retrace my steps and figure out how what could be causing me to be so sick as it was an unusual type of sick for me. I’ve been through a lot in my life, I know my body and I know when something isn’t right. Fast forward to post recovery and you’re being helpful and nice and its familiar and we fell into old patters and slept together.. more than once.. A mistake really but when emotions are running high, sometimes you lose control. It stops anyway, we stop talking. I’m doing well, I’m being a teenager for the first time in my life and everything is sorta normal. I missed my period. I never miss my period. I took 12 pregnancy tests and threw out my pack of smokes after taking the first one. I was pregnant. Scared shitless and pregnant. You’re the only person I’ve had unprotected sex with. I couldn’t believe it. After the miscarriage, I double checked with the doctors again and they still said I’d never have a viable pregnancy and here I was, pregnant, with my ex boyfriend’s child when we’re both finally moving on. I spent that night at the hospital. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant I began to have pains in my stomach, I assumed it was anxiety and ignored it for a few hours until the pain got worse and I feared this pregnancy was ectopic as the pain was so similar to that of an ectopic pregnancy and having already had surgery for that when I was 16, I wasn’t ready to do that again. After a few hours and tests at the hospital, I was free to go home and Chad bought me dinner and I cried. I instantly knew you wouldn’t believe me. You were always in denial about things that were right in front of you. The biggest being that we weren’t good together, the second being that Chad and I are the same person basically. You were stalking my private Tumblr blog, as you were known to do. That’s how you found out I was pregnant. I’d written a journal entry about the whole thing and you messaged me accusing me of lying and came to my house to confront me. I had evidence waiting though, I knew you. Everything I said had to come with evidence when we were together so I knew I had to be especially prepared this time. You’d already accused me of lying in the previous unviable pregnancy; even after I took a pregnancy test with you right there, even after you followed me to the pregnancy advisory centre and accused me of not having an appointment, records confirm I did. You came to my house and I gave you my ultrasounds, the 12 pregnancy tests, the discharge letter from the hospital and a pregnancy record book signed and dated from my GP, you still thought it was bullshit. I was devastated and done with the conversation. I was strong. Until I got sick. I had hyperemesis which is morning sickness on steroids and I’d had it the entire time I was pregnant. For 8 weeks I couldn’t drink or eat. Every day I would try and take a prenatal vitamin because I hadn’t decided and I wanted to do but I wanted to do what was right until I had, but every single day it would come back up and I would cry at my own body hating me. My own body had been against me from the very beginning and it killed me. During those weeks you would ask me to come with you to McDonalds and you would sit there and tell me it’s over with her and you want to be with me but we can’t have a child right now. You sat there and told me you loved me and we would be together and have a family the right way but I had to get a termination now.  I tried so hard to be strong but I always ended up in tears which made me that much more tired. I could barely stay upright as it was. I was so nauseous, every day I thought I’d pass out trying to get to the bathroom. Chad used to come home during his lunch breaks to find me laying feotal position crying in exhaustion because the nausea meant I never slept, anger for you trying to manipulating me, hunger, sadness, but probably worst of all was the the all consuming love I felt for the baby inside me. I’d been told it wasn’t possible. All I’d ever wanted was to be a mum and there were so many obstacles in the way but there she was, innocent in all of this. Perfect. But you didn’t care. She was your obstacle, she was an inconvenience to you and that made you determined to get what you wanted. I most likely would have come to that decision anyway because right now I can’t imagine having a family with anyone else except for Chad, he’s my soul mate. The problem I have is that the decision wasn’t mine. It was a manipulation. I can’t come to terms with what happened because I know I didn’t make that decision for myself. I respect her memory every single day and every single decision I’ve made since has been so one day I’ll be ready for her. That day you took me to the pregnancy advisory centre, I couldn’t fight anymore, I’d given in to your manipulation. I was so tired and sore and hurt, I needed you to take care of me, you’d been in my life for so long and I momentarily forgot everything else, in that moment I just needed you to make it okay. It was only supposed to be an initial consultation. I’d been there before, I knew the drill. I knew in the back of my head I still had a little time for a sign from the universe, something that would tell me it’s okay and I’d be at peace with it because it would have been my decision. But they had a cancelation and of course I’d already been fasting, I hadn’t eaten for weeks. It was happening too fast and you were right there looking so happy that there was no way out. I couldn’t tell you no and that I needed more time. We both know how that would have gone down. All of a sudden there’s a nurse putting an IV in my arm and I’m crying asking for you but you’re not there. I’m all alone. And before I know it, she’s taken from me. Sucked from me with a medical vacuum cleaner like she’s nothing but she was my everything. And I’m awake and I’m still crying for you, I’m yelling at nurses to get you but it’s like they can’t hear me, begging them to bring you here, trying to get up and not being able to feel my legs. Watching people walk past me like nothing happened and I have nothing to be upset about because I came here, you didn’t put a gun to my head. It was a different type of gun and it was pointing at my heart and when she was taken from me I had nothing. Eventually someone brought me out to see you and I can’t believe what I’ve done. I’m crying and you told me you loved me, I didn’t know it would be for the last time. I had no idea just how alone I really was. She was gone, and the next day so were you.

And it’s really only because of Chad that I’ve come out on the other side better than ever. Instead of putting the pieces back together for me, he gave me the time and understanding I needed to put myself back together in a new way and become a better person. Have I made mistakes, fuck yes, but who hasn’t. I can’t regret a single second of it because it’s all what got me to now and I’m the best version of myself right now. I never thought I’d actually make it to 21 and here I am and I actually want to be here. For me.

[spookyspaghettisundae]

So Even Gods Can Die

Beeping. Revolving metallic sounds. Click. Computerized monitors. The light everywhere, blinding at first, then softening until his vision cleared. Click. Whirr. Click.

Bright light from the fluorescent tube overhead and daylight flooding in from a window. But it was not actually that bright. Click. It was his eyes slowly adjusting. The feeling of needles in his skin, taped down, and the plastic tubes hooked up to his nose to help him breathe.

Lips parched, throat dry. Click. When he swallowed, it felt like forcing down a lump of sand and lava. A woman sat in the room, and he did not recognize her. Click. But she looked at him, expectantly. Whirr.

A white box on the table next to the bed. Like one containing a cake. Click. The woman sitting in the room stared at him. The ominous white box stared at him. Click. Whirr.

It wasn’t his time yet. He refused to accept that. But between the woman and the box, he knew he was going to die.

Grit and sand clung to her clothes. Any spots of exposed skin featured myriads of cuts and scratches. Black rings of exhaustion lined her eyes, and her clothing looked like it had been mangled in a meat grinder.

The woman picked up a chart attached to the end of his bed and idly flipped through its pages. Click.

“Who are you?” he finally asked her.

She flapped the pages back up front and tossed the chart onto the foot of his bed. He watched but was too weak to protest. With delay, he registered that he couldn’t even feel it when the clipboard landed on his legs.

“I’m Kim. Here because we need you,” she said. Her words rolled out and sounded even more tired than she looked. Her eyes had a dull sheen, like she hadn’t slept in days or had taken some drugs, or practically had only caffeine in her veins.

Thump.

The white box on the table thumped again. It had moved half an inch. Although he had only seen it from the corner of his eye, he could have sworn that its walls had bent outwards when something thumped inside of it. Like there was a small animal trapped within.

“What’s in that box?” he asked. He lifted fingers, attached to a drip and some cables. Feeble, trembling softly as he tried to point at the gift box.

“Don’t worry about it; it’s got nothin’ to do with you. Or, well, maybe it doesn’t need to have anything to do with you,” she said.

“Okay,” he said. He had heard the threat implied in there.

He blinked—hard. Blinked again. Blinked so hard that it became painful.

The edges of his vision lost their blurriness. The fuzzy edges on everything straightened out—turned sharp. The clouds cleared from his memories.

His name was Gabriel. Gabriel understood his place in the world again. More powerful than his current state of being revealed. Even though his body had begun to betray him, he contained power beyond what normal mortal man could comprehend. More powerful than most of the wretches working in this hospital, or living in this pathetic city all around them.

A living god.

Or so he believed. Click.

“Cut the shit. What do you think you need? What do you hope to get from me?” Gabriel asked. Ordered. Every word he spoke hurt, as if each syllable rasped over his soft insides like sand paper.

“You don’t know us, but you may know Kevin,” Kim said. She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. The plastic squeaked, the metal creaked.

Thump.

The box had moved closer yet again. Like something inside of it was trying to get closer.

“Don’t mind it. If you get upset, it gets more violent,” she commented.

They both peeled their eyes off of the innocuous white box of terror and their gazes met.

Click. Whirr.

Gabriel pondered for a second and then sneered. He knew Kevin, alright. Michael’s protege and worst nemesis.

The person who was going to bring everything down.

“We need to find him, help him return from the House,” she said.

Gabriel chuckled. The chuckle transformed into coughing after a few labored revolutions of the laugh, leading to him hacking and wheezing.

His body had truly reached its end, but he refused to let go. Two hundred years was a long time.

Once he had gathered himself and felt her burning stare on himself, he asked, “How long’s that motherfucker been in there?”

“Three months,” she replied.

Gabriel closed his eyes and mulled it over. Bad number.

THUMP.

He ignored it. Probably just a baby of an entity inside that box.

It was more important to figure out what he was dealing with here.

Click.

How he could kill this woman.

Gabriel uttered a string of profanities; with no power in it because of his failing lungs, but more than enough zeal to express his disgust. She listened to his every odious word. He gave it a rest after a solid half a minute of swearing.

Click. Whirr.

“Fuck him,” he finally concluded. “Can rot in that hellish Otherworld for all I care.”

“No,” Kim said. Resolute, like a cliff standing defiantly against the ocean’s waves.

“No?”

“No,” she repeated. The word crashed like thunder. It fed into a headache growing behind Gabriel’s forehead. She added, “Once he’s out of the House, he can finish his transformation.”

Gabriel glared at her. His eyes simmered with rage and his tear ducts burned, not capable of producing the salty fluid anymore. His flesh was weak. But he still had other means. Other power. Power this woman failed to notice.

She had made a mistake by coming here like this.

THUMP.

He couldn’t be sure about the white box, though. He pondered if he was underestimating it.

Resigned to his fate here, he knew this was going to be a brutal battle. Not quite as uneven as his current state looked.

“Falmaghorr,” he whispered. So feebly that it sounded like nonsense, or like he was having a stroke.

“What?” Kim asked.

Click.

“Nevermind,” he sighed. Either she was stupid or he had snuck that past her. “You know, right? That when he completes that damned transformation, the world ends?” he asked her.

“And a new one is born,” Kim spoke with reverence, incessantly staring into Gabriel’s eyes. Into his soul.

She was convinced. Had chosen a side in this war. Her words just now—a declaration. A war cry, delivered with the eerie calmness that only zealots can produce.

“For every dream that is dying, a new world is born,” Gabriel mused, reciting the old poem that his kind were wont to sing. He broke out into another chuckle, dry and sardonic. Erupting into coughs at the tail end once more.

THUMP.

Kim pulled a small silver box from her jacket pocket and opened it to show him something inside of it. A steel syringe that looked like it came from a different age. Weathered, old, scratched.

“You came for my blood?” he asked. “Ridiculous. You could have just—you didn’t need me to be awake for—”

He stopped choking on those words. It dawned on him.

Blood of a dying hierophant—a potent reagent. One with powerful symbolic tension. And like all things magick, one where the symbolic tension lies in just how literal it was.

“Can’t beat the reaper,” he sighed. “Nobody beats the reaper. All you do is entertain ‘im. And hope you get off easy when it’s time to punch your final card.”

Kim took the syringe into her hands, slipped her fingers into its metal loops, but rested the awful thing on her lap. Waited. She was waiting for the moment during which he died. Had she put something into his IV drip to slowly kill him? Was she going to smother him with a pillow?

“Nice speech, asshole. You’ve lived way past your expiration date. After all you’ve done—after all the things you’ve gone and done to people—I think you’re getting off easy. Real easy.”

“Yeah? How you gonna do me in, bitch?”

Click.

Kim’s tired face contorted. With painful slowness, accentuated by the exhaustion written all over her visage, she formed a wide smile.

Click. Whirr.

“I ain’t gonna do a damned thing. Your time’s up, you Rasputin son of a bitch. I have a friend who—well, let’s just say she just knows these things. You’re about to punch your final card—right about now.”

She checked her wristwatch—whether it was out of genuine curiosity or to emphasize her words did not matter. Gabriel felt the weight of time crushing down on him. In his mind, the clock’s arms ticked away, second by second, ever closer to his doom.

The door to the room opened and both their heads turned to behold the new arrival. Kim had whisked the syringe away into hiding, holding it inside her jacket, her entire fist buried in there in an uncomfortable position.

A nurse entered and walked around the bed. She placed a cup of water on the table next to Gabriel. In contrast to the bright and happy colors of her scrubs, the nurse’s head was just a cloud of shadows and tentacles. Despite her name tag identifying her as Beverly Winters, the demon’s name was Falmaghorr.

Kim couldn’t see it. Its power over human minds held true; the entity looked like a normal nurse to her. She even smiled at Gabriel’s servant before Falmaghorr left the room and left them alone again. He sensed his demonic servant’s presence hovering just outside, waiting for him to summon it to battle inside this tiny room.

To think that he, who had seen the rise and fall of empires, would be fighting for his life in such a tiny, sterile room.

Click.

He had no intention of letting this harlot easily take his blood.

“In one last act of defiance against nature, he hopes to transform into a woman,” Gabriel theorized. “Because only a woman can give birth, and only a woman can birth a new world. Is that the idea?”

Kim said nothing. She checked her wristwatch again. Pulled out the syringe.

“You’re out of your fucking minds,” he growled. He suppressed the urge to cough that came with it.

“Time to go, you old bastard.”

“Now,” he uttered, oozing with contempt.

The room’s door burst open and Falmaghorr stomped inside.

The white box exploded. A black fog roiled out from it, churning like oil on water, spreading like a flood, engulfing everything in a flash, continuing to gush out of what seemed to be a bottomless pit inside that tiny white box.

Not a cake emerged from it, but mouths. Eyes. Things that cackled, and gibbered, and gnashed their tiny little teeth. Falmaghorr was consumed within seconds, blood spraying all over the place.

Kim was bathed in blood and gore from the entity’s body being ripped to shreds, but leaning over Gabriel. He felt the needle only after it had ruptured the skin.

Even through the cacophony of alien voices, he could hear the sounds of the machines.

Click. Whirr.

Blood being drained. Kim getting one step closer to breaking the House wide open.

Gabriel screamed.

Even gods can die.

—Submitted by Wratts

[sidhewrites]

The Prince in the Wood, Part 5

Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four. Part five. Part Six.

Approx. 1450 words.

Content warning for a mentions of hospitalization, medical tests, blood pressure, and one mention of of underage drinking.

So I kept it to myself. Chalked the bruises up to an uncomfortable sleeping position, and the scratch something that I must have done by accident in my sleep. Of course, I wasn’t one to stir -- hardly ever had to make the bed, I moved so little -- but it was easier simply to ignore it. After all, it never happened again. I always made it to my own bed before I fell asleep, and Mary stayed up late with a little flashlight, reading or drawing or doing whatever it was she busied herself with long after I’d fallen asleep.

And life continued. Frail, fragile Mary remained home more and more, now a regular at the doctor’s office for all the tests they were trying to run. The doctors never found anything beyond the usual -- anemia and insomnia and, occasionally, low blood pressure -- but they kept an eye out all the same.

My remaining teenage years resembled something almost normal. I got a girlfriend, then broke up with her the week before prom. I went out to parties where some of the kids drank alcohol. And I applied to colleges, both local and prestigious, just to see where I could get accepted. Mary applied as well, but we all knew she’d be going to the nearby community college to stay close to home. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t make it into anything more noteworthy than a state school that offered generous scholarships to local residents, but it was still a good few hours’ drive away -- further than I’d ever gone from home without my family, and our trips had never lasted longer than a weekend.

The idea of so much change terrified me as much as it drew me in. I loved my family, but my life had always revolved so closely around them, and a part of me was desperate to see the sort of person I would be if it was just me. No crazy sister who’d run out into the woods and spoke weird languages into thin air, no fathers obsessed with security and locking us up like prisoners. As normal as our life had become, the shadow of the past still hung over us in a way I could never truly escape without leaving home.

Mary thought it would be a great idea. We were studying one afternoon, going over guides and notes for an upcoming exam when I presented the idea to her, and she smiled at me instantly.

“You could do anything you wanted,” she said, eyes bright in a rare moment of energy. “Join a rock band. Write a movie. Become one of those goth girls that old people are scared of.” 

I laughed. “Some old people are already scared of me.” I put on my best smirk a la Norman Bates, and said, “Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?’

Mary laughed as well, and threw an eraser at me, which I promptly put in my pocket.

“Mine, now,” I said.

“Hey, wait, I need that.”

“Too bad. It’s coming to college with me, now.”

We both laughed then, arguing over erasers and supplies and forgetting to compare our notes. 

The day after the exam, however, Mary had another episode. She woke up paler than ever, dark circles under her eyes, and we had to rush her to the hospital. Alarmingly low blood pressure, with another bite, this time on her wrist. It looked like it had healed up overnight, nothing more than two faint scars on her skin, but there was nothing else that seemed connected to it.

I sat with her while our dads spoke with the doctor in the hall, reading opinion columns out of yesterday’s newspaper out loud. The IV beside her bed dripped slowly, replacing the blood that had been lost seemingly overnight, and she frowned up at the ceiling, only half aware of the world around her.

I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and looked up to see Mary’s hand reaching out to mine. I took it and gave a gentle squeeze, hoping it would ground her in reality at least a little bit. “I’m here,” I said.

“Promise not to forget me?” She spoke so quietly, I almost missed it.

“What?”

“When you go away and have an exciting life on your own. Will you remember me?”

I didn’t understand. She spoke as if my future had already been decided, as if she knew what I would choose when I barely knew myself. “Don’t say that. You’re my sister. How could I leave you behind?”

She just smiled sadly at me, and then looked up at the ceiling again, eyes misting over like they had so often before. Nothing else I said would reach her, and I gave up before even thinking of trying again.

But she was right, in the end. I accepted a place at the state university, and by the end of that summer, half of our bedroom was packed up in suitcases and loaded into a borrowed SUV. We made it a family trip, spending a few days in the city just exploring before I moved into the dormitory officially. It was a tearful week, though the city life seemed to do Mary some good. She filled out some, a bit of color coming to her pale face as we explored and sought out hole-in-the-wall shops and restaurants. 

I slept fitfully while we were there, nothing like the deep sleep I was used to, but I wrote it off as nerves. Everything was changing all at once, after all, and I hadn’t a thought to spare for anything else.

My roommate, Shannon, was a girl from out of state who was here on both swimming and academic scholarships, and she terrified me at first -- at least until she put up video game and movie posters on her side of the wall. She introduced me to all her favorite pieces of media, as well as the best places and tips on how to study without burning yourself out. We became fast friends, and I found myself more than a little excited, even when the day finally came to say goodbye to my family.

I hugged them all tightly as I could -- even Mary, fragile as she was -- and swore to write as soon as the week was up to let them know how things were going.

“Remember your promise,” Mary said through tears, her little hand gripping mine.

“I’m not gonna forget you.” I’d lost count of how many times I had said it over the past few months, but I still said it again. “I promise. I’ll write and call, and I’ll be back home before you know it.” 

She nodded, dubious, and hugged me again, before shuffling into the car and letting Pop start the long ride home.

I did write them, by the way. I remembered at the end of the week, and every other week after that for the first month or so. But school was -- busy. Occupying. I joined a club, I went to parties, and Shannon always had something to do. My letters and phone calls home became less frequent, and I thought about my family less and less. My sleeping patterns never improved, but Shannon introduced me to the world of coffee, and we spent plenty of countless nights awake, playing the latest games until dawn. 

I was living a life free of my old worries and nightmares, even going so far as to spend one weekend in the nearby woods with a few friends, close enough to a campground to be legal, but far enough from civilization that we could almost forget the world beyond.

Someone had brought an electric lantern that could flicker like a dim campfire, and we sat in a circle around it, daring each other to come up with the best ghost story. Everyone came up with the cliche scary stuff -- skinwalkers, deranged murderers, and the ghosts of their victims.

And then it was my turn. Everyone looked at me, and I froze.

I’ve never been that creative. I couldn’t come up with imaginary monsters that hunted us down or things that had once been human. That had always been Mary’s gift, not mine.

Mary.

Her name struck me oddly, and guilt began to press down on my chest. How long had it been since I’d given my sister any thought? There was so much else in my life that I could barely stop to think about anything beyond the university’s campus, much less my sister, convalescing in a bedroom hundreds of miles away.

Someone said my name, and I looked up, suddenly brought back to the present. 

“It’s your turn,” they said.

I nodded. I had an idea.

“These woods are alive, you know, and they have a prince. When the leaves rustle, it means they’re going to invite us to visit him for tea.”

[xofanfics]

String - Part VI

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

Genre: angst, fluff

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader FT. SEHUN

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

Baekhyun hadn’t heard from you since that night. You hadn’t responded to his text and he had no idea whether you’d listened to his voicemail. And Evie and Sadie were no help either. They said that you’d approach him when you were ready but he was impatient. 

Guilt pulled at Baekhyun as if someone was tugging the bottom of his shirt. Even though he had started seeing Kira like he wanted, he still felt pretty guilty about it all. He hadn’t exactly done anything wrong but he knew that he fucked up, morally. It was fucked up to treat you like that, pulling you on a string until he decided what he wanted. You deserved better than that. And he was a hypocrite. He knew that much. 

He felt uncomfortable knowing how he left things with you and he wanted to talk to you. He didn’t know the things he needed to say and he wasn’t sure where to begin. All he knew is that he wanted to talk to you. Things probably wouldn’t go back to normal, even if he tried his absolute best. 

“Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun looked up from his plate. “Huh?”

“I said what are you thinking about?”

“Just about an old friend.”

Kira frowned. “Did something happen?”

He sighed. “I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

Kira didn’t press him about it and he was grateful. Guilt ate at him further as he realized that he wasn’t able to pay his own girlfriend the attention she deserved. His thoughts, somehow, would always shift toward you even in the presence of others.

She didn’t know what was bothering Baekhyun but it was bothering her. Lately, he seemed a little down. Things hadn’t changed too much but he always looked so...troubled. Kira wanted to make him feel better but she didn’t know where to begin. Did he even trust her enough to tell her what was going on in his life? Did he feel like he couldn’t be open with her? Was she not doing enough, as his girlfriend?

She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. She gave it a light squeeze because it was the only comfort she could give him.

*

You woke up and found yourself staring at the white ceiling as your phone’s alarm went off on the nightstand. You rolled over and shut off the blaring noise. As you sat up in bed, you let out a yawn. You got dressed and started getting ready for your 9AM shift at the waxing salon. The best part about being a receptionist was getting a discount on waxes and not having to do much. This job was a way to put extra money in your pocket and to study and do homework in between the small tasks you had to do to maintain a suitable environment for customers.

You got lost in your skincare routine as you found yourself thinking about Baekhyun again. You hadn’t seen him since that night and you avoided all contact with him within the friend group. Being that they were with Baekhyun a lot, you hadn’t seen the guys much lately. You couldn’t help but feel like the friend group was divided and that some of it was partially your fault. 

You thought to yourself, If I see Baekhyun again, I think I could at least say hi…

Sehun occupied your thoughts most of the time but there were times when you gave in to temptation and your thoughts shifted to things like Baekhyun’s award-winning smile. Sehun was a gentleman. To be honest, he was everything you wanted in a guy. He let you know from the beginning that he had intentions of being in a relationship. It was rare to get that much information from a man these days. 

He was considerate and he cared about you. And it showed. And when you hung out again last week, things were just as relaxed as last time. You felt like you could be yourself. The two of you went to get gelato in Little Italy, walked to the park, and talked for hours. And when you left each other, he didn’t try to come back to your apartment with you and he didn’t try to kiss you either. You were so used to guys rushing into things that this seemed a bit strange. It was great to meet a man with pure intentions.

Sehun would ask you if you wanted to Facetime a couple times. He’d ask you about your day, about what you ate, about what you were learning in class. He was asking these things because he genuinely wanted to know you. He wanted to know your thoughts, your ideas, and opinions. He wanted to dig deep into you, pulling out as much information as he could. He wanted to be able to paint the perfect picture of you, with his eyes closed shut. 

You smiled to yourself as you got off of the train. You had twenty minutes to get to work from the train station. It only took five minutes from the train but you liked to come a bit early to get coffee. Your phone buzzed in your hands. Sehun left you a voice message.

“Hey, Y/N. Good morning! Hope you slept well last night and that you have a good day at work...I’m working from home today, thank God. I’m sick of my boss hovering over me while I’m trying to get work done..” He let out a chuckle. “Anyway, I can’t wait to see you later tonight.”

The two of you planned to go to a jazz lounge tonight. Neither of you had ever been and it seemed like a fun date. That was one thing you enjoyed about Sehun. He was always down to try new things with you. Everything you were experiencing with Sehun felt so new, so exciting. You never felt quite like this before.

You smiled at the sound of Sehun’s voice and, as you were about to send a voice note back, you happened to look up and find Baekhyun walking toward you. You were sure he hadn’t noticed you yet and you hoped to keep it that way. You kept walking, trying your best to remain unnoticed. As you walked past, you were sure he caught a glimpse of you because you could feel someone’s eyes glued onto you. It took everything in you not to turn around and look back at him. 

You’d said that maybe you were at a point in your life where you could gather the courage and greet him if you were in the same room. Here you were, practically running away from him instead. You weren’t ready to cross paths with him; not right now. And to make matters worse, you looked a mess in your barely brushed bun and a not-so-special outfit. You’d imagined that when you eventually did cross paths, that you’d look good that day. 

You walked past him and didn’t look back once.

*

Baekhyun got off the train feeling more tired than usual. He’d had a bit of trouble sleeping last night. He inched up the staircase slowly and when he looked up to see what the holdup was, he saw that it was a mother struggling to carry a stroller. Eventually, once someone realized that maybe they should help, another woman helped her up. Once the staircase congestion was cleared, Baekhyun was able to start moving. 

As he headed toward the exit, he happened to look up from his phone and to his left. He had to do a double take to make sure it was you. It was. He knew your height and body size like the back of his hand. Even though he hadn’t been friends with you for a full year, he got to know you well for the past few months...until all of this drama came crashing into his life. He was at fault, he knew. This was a mess that he’d unintentionally created by not being straightforward and not being honest with himself or the people around him.

He didn’t know what an ideal world would look like. He wanted to be with Kira, no matter what. But, sometimes, his heart tugged toward you. He cared about you and he honestly missed you. He missed hanging out with you. He missed the simple things about his relationship with you like waiting for you to get out of class so you could eat lunch with him or helping you study for your exam, with flashcards. He missed simple things like FaceTime calls in the middle of the night when you had trouble sleeping and the fact that he could tell you anything. Part of him wished that he’d never crossed that line with you. He hated the fact that you weren’t in his life at all. Would you have been better off as just friends from the very beginning?

Baekhyun did see you, even if you didn’t know it. He saw you in all your glory. He saw you and your bun that you wore with the pale pink scrunchie that you loved. He saw you walking toward the University Place exit which could only mean that you were going to work. He remembered going there to pick you up from work last semester and watching you fidget at the desk, eagerly waiting for your coworker to come in and take over the desk duties.

He did notice you and a piece of his heart chipped away as he realized that a) you saw him and didn’t care to speak or b) you genuinely didn’t see him. A million possibilities and harsh realities flew through his head. He knew that you wouldn’t go out of your way to talk to him but had you just straight-up ignored him, like he didn’t exist?

Did the voicemail he left mean nothing to you? Did you listen to it at all? Did you delete it without even bothering to listen to it? He had so many questions and no answers. Were you done with him? Had he ruined the friendship the two of you once had forever? He felt a lot of things but his heart felt bruised, more than anything.

Was it really over?

Baekhyun wasn’t sure what kind of relationship he could have with you at this point but he knew that he didn’t want to live in a world without you in it. But on the other hand, he knew that he couldn’t have his cake and eat it, too. 

*

You met Evie and Sadie in their dorm room after your shift. You still had a couple hours before you had planned on meeting Sehun. You put your bags down and sat down on the fluffy rug that lay between the two beds. 

Your friends had started filling you in on a campus event tonight, where some of the school’s cultural organizations were going to have a dance off. You hadn’t planned on going since you made plans with Sehun but your friends didn’t seem to want to let it go. 

“So you’re really not going to come to the Battle of the Orgs thing tonight?” asked Sadie, sitting down on the floor next to you.

You shook your head. “Well, I wasn’t really planning on it...”

Evie chimed in, turning away from her laptop and toward you. “Drew said it’d be really cool if you’d come. He’s hardly seen you since everything that happened with Baek. He’s performing...and the best part is that Baekhyun won’t be in the crowd cause he’s performing too.”

You raised your eyebrow, a curious expression taking over. “Since when?”

“Since like three weeks ago when one of the other guys dropped out and Drew begged him to join the lineup,” answered Evie. “Drew bugged the hell out of him and eventually Baekhyun agreed to it. You know how annoying he can be...”

“I saw Baekhyun in the train station this morning,” you said. “I was telling myself this morning that, if I saw him in the street, maybe I’d say hi...but I walked by and pretended I didn’t see him.”

“Would you really have said something?” asked Sadie.

You shrugged. “Probably not. But what would I even say to him?”

“Go fuck yourself is a good start,” Evie suggested. The three of you laughed for a moment before her expression became serious. “He really does seem to be dating that girl though.”

“Did you meet her?” you asked.

“For a minute,” Sadie said. 

Evie added, “Baekhyun stopped by in the library and she was with him. So he introduced her...as his girlfriend.”

“What does she look like?”

“She looks mixed. She’s black and Japanese, I heard.”

“What’s she like?”

“Y/N, what does it matter? We met her for two seconds, in passing. Even if I had an answer for you, I wouldn’t tell you. You’re seeing Sehun, right? Why are you making Baekhyun more relevant than he is?” 

You rolled your eyes, annoyed that your friend wasn’t going to give you more information. But, deeper down, you knew that she was right. It wasn’t healthy to ask those kinds of questions or to do things like look at Baekhyun’s snapchat stories hoping to find out more about this girl. It hurt that he had moved on. You wished that you were in her shoes. It felt unfair that this girl came into the picture and threw Baekhyun off course. You thought about what he said about having intentions of asking you out. If it was true, then the appearance of this Kira girl had ruined it. In a way, she had ruined the relationship that could’ve been yours. 

But it wasn’t fair to put the blame on this girl. You didn’t know her and she didn’t know you. Sometimes you felt jealous but then you had to remind yourself that you deserved better and that if Baekhyun truly wanted to be with you in the first place, he would’ve been.

In all honesty, you should’ve listened to Evie’s advice in the first place. You should’ve known something was up when she asked if you were sure that Baekhyun really liked you. Maybe you should’ve questioned things sooner. Maybe if you’d brought it up sooner, the story wouldn’t have played out quite like this. Maybe you would’ve had the answers you needed much sooner. Maybe it would’ve hurt less.

You bit your lip. “Of course he’s not relevant. I’m seeing someone new and I’m moving on...just like he is!”

Part of you wanted to go to the Battle of the Orgs. You wanted to go because you genuinely wanted to see Drew perform and, if you were being completely honest with yourself, you wanted to see Baekhyun perform too. You never really saw him dance like this before. According to your friends, the Korean Student Association was going to perform a couple k-pop songs. 

You didn’t know if you were ready to see Baekhyun in person, even if it was from a distance. Hell, you couldn’t even face him in the train station this morning. You just kept walking like a coward. You had imagined seeing Baekhyun again for the first time a million different ways. All of the scenarios you imagined in your head were nonchalant, petty, or neutral. You’d imagined scenarios where you hit him, scenarios where you threw shade at him, and scenarios like this morning—you walking past him, but without a care in the world. And you’d also imagined delusional scenarios where he explained that he didn’t want that girl anymore, and that you were the one he wanted. But you knew, at this point in time, that it wouldn’t happen.

You knew deep down that the only way to truly get over Baekhyun was to finally face him. That didn’t mean that you had to be friends or that things were going to go back to how they were. Shit, how could they after all that you’d been through? Seeing Baekhyun in person didn’t mean that you were committing to anything specific. It just meant that you’d be in the same room, breathing the same air. No harm in that, right? 

You had to face Baekhyun sooner or later. You weren’t obligated to accept his apology or to be friends. The only way to get over him was to acknowledge his existence. Maybe you could get to a point where you could have a conversation. Maybe, just maybe, you could be acquaintances or something. But for now, you decided to just let things play out. You’d just be yourself. Maybe you wouldn’t even have to interact with Baekhyun in the first place.

You decided that you were going to go to the event tonight. You’d go to the event, support Drew, and then leave to go to the jazz bar with Sehun afterward. This solution was perfect, for everyone.

***

A/N: This is kind of a filler chapter but the next chapter will be longer and have the drama everyone’s craving, I promise! It’s worth the wait. And thank you to everyone who has supported me. And shoutout to my bestie for helping me through these ideas and giving me some much needed motivation!

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[queerhargreeves]

De-aged Luther whump fic pls !! Where the family finds out that Reginald treated him much, much worse than they think (ex. Gaslighting, sexual abuse, pain, water and food endurance training), but Luther still thinks it's love?

wowie this is the second longest fic ive ever written?? i hope you enjoy anon and thank you for your kindness and patience!

TW: child sexual abuse and child abuse discussed

(gif by tuagifs)

The Hargreeves have had to put up with a lot of things that would drive most people to absolute madness throughout their lives. From the second each of them were born, their definition of what “normal” is would rival that of pretty much anyone. The seven of them were trained to be obedient soldiers in a goddamn science experiment by a man with too much power. This man wasn’t capable of love or compassion, no. Quite the opposite.

He treated them like they were shiny toys. Sir Reginald Hargreeves wanted them to reach impossibly high standards and would stop at absolutely nothing to make sure they got there.

They only had 30 minutes of designated “free time” a week growing up. The only time they could do as they please, within “reason”. Granted that didn’t stop them from sneaking out to get donuts after hours, Pogo keeping their secret safe.

“You all deserve to be children, Master Luther. All I ask of you is to not be too careless. We can’t have your father finding out, now can we?”

Daily rigorous training ranged anywhere from running five miles before breakfast to memorizing every pressure point in the human body and how they worked/functioned. Individual training, specialized by Sir Hargreeves himself, was another story in of itself. Water tanks, mausoleums, broken and straining limbs, tearing animals apart, throats so coarse and raw you couldn’t speak for a week, spatial jumps for four consistent hours, constant exclusion from activities …it was all the norm for these kids. Nothing out of the ordinary.

They have all gone through experiences that any average bystander wouldn’t even be able to begin to wrap their heads around. The Hargreeves have powers, yes. Their time traveling brother who left them 17 years ago came back, is nearly 60 years old, and was reverted back to the 13 year old body he disappeared in, yes. Their dysfunctional family may have caused the end of the world, yes. They avoided the end of the world, yes.

But this? Their big brother, their gallant leader, an actual child again? Now that is a lot to process, yes. Even for the ex-superheros.

It happened a few months after the family successfully didn’t cause life itself to end. They all had been making an attempt to start over with one another. The way they treated each other is what almost caused the end of the world after all.

It wasn’t easy, of course. Undoing a lifetime of trauma and repressed emotions wasn’t a simple equation or an overnight fix. It’s something that takes uncomfortable, late night hash sessions where every party involved opens up about things they don’t want to. It takes withdrawal symptoms and panic attacks. It takes realizing and acknowledging trauma and addressing it head on.

It wasn’t all tears and tension though. There were plenty of family outings, movie nights and, 2 AM impromptu baking sessions filled with nothing but laughter and comfort. They were getting better communicating with one another - they were getting better at simply existing together as an actual family instead of constantly working against their own.

The seven were out at dinner one night, Korean food per Allison’s request. The dinner went on without a hitch as they usually did nowadays, the siblings just enjoying one another’s company. However, it was after dinner when it happened.

Five noticed a man following them a bit too close for comfort as they were making their way back to the 10 seater van. It happened within seconds: an instant flash that rivals Five’s very own. One second Luther was trailing at the end of the group, listening to Ben tell a Klaus story. The next second there was a man sticking a syringe into his neck. And the next second he was on the ground, unconscious. Klaus, Ben, and Vanya rushed to his side, carrying him the rest of the way to the van. Allison, Five, and Diego stayed behind, going after the man who they didn’t even get a proper look at.

They all eventually regrouped at the house after having little luck finding the said culprit.

They were all clearly shaken after the attack. Five was, to put it quite simply, absolutely livid. He was infuriated at not only the situation itself but at himself for dismissing his instincts. Diego was also feeling quite a bit of guilt himself, but he’s been working on channeling those emotions in healthier ways. AKA no longer lashing out and hurting himself/others. Instead, he sulked silently. He played through the events that happened over and over again.

Allison was probably the most visibly distraught about the whole thing. Klaus and Ben had to quite literally drag her out of the infirmary after she refused to leave his side. She slept with her two brothers that night, wedged in between them. She couldn’t be alone. They all needed sleep and they knew Luther was in good hands.

Grace had assured them all that Luther would be fine, insisting that she would run tests on him as he got some rest. They were comforted knowing that their brother was out of the woods in terms of immediate danger of whatever substance was forcefully injected into his body. Luther would never leave Grace or Pogo’s sight for the night, the two of them adamant on making sure the six of them got some sleep that night.

None of them were prepared for what they found the next morning, however.

The six of them were all piled in the infirmary and there lied a Luther Hargreeves. A 12 year old Luther Hargreeves.

He looked so small in the bed; he was hooked up to monitors and his oversized sleeping clothes didn’t help either. His breathing was even. His chest was rising and falling in a slow, calm rhythm. His lips were slightly pursed open and he was snoring lightly.

“Holy shit.” Klaus was the first to speak up, staring in a mixture of awe and bewilderment at the small boy in the bed. “You’re no longer the babiest bro, Five.”

The statement hung in the air, thick and heavy. No one knew what to say or where to even start. Is his body just young? Or his brain too? Is it permanent? What does he remember?

“Oh, good morning children! I wasn’t expecting you all to be awake so early!” Six heads whipped towards the sound of their Mother’s heels against the hardwood floor as she walked into the infirmary.

“M-mom,” Diego’s voice shook, his eyes still glued at the young sleeping boy, “wh-what happened? Is Luther o…okay?”

“Yes dear, Luther is alright.” She said softly, resting her hand on Diego’s shoulder as she walked past him. She walked to the bed getting closer to the bed and removed one of the monitors from his chest.

“Your brother is going to be okay. It seems that he was injected with an age regression agent last night. I’m not sure how long it will last, but I’m hoping the bloodwork will give us some answers. What I can definitely say is that it will stop at this age. Luther is around 12 years old.” She explained, running a gentle hand through Luther’s hair.

“It isn’t causing him any physical harm. He was regressing quite quickly throughout the night but it stopped at 5:37 AM.”

Allison silently walked to the other side of the bed. She ran the back of her hand down Luther’s cheek, her expression soft. He looked so peaceful like this. The most peaceful she’s seen in ages.

“We…we have to be there for him when he wakes up. Luther, he was there for me after…” She paused, meeting Vanya’s eyes with a sad smile. She gave her a small nod to which Vanya reciprocated, signing “it’s okay” to her sister. They were both on good terms with what happened now. They talked it out, thousands of apologies and tears falling from both of the sister’s lips.

Allison’s voice was getting stronger every day but it was still important for everyone to be silent when she spoke so she didn’t have to strain more than necessary.

“He said he knew the comfortable dark place I was in. He didn’t want me to wake up to someone who wasn’t me anymore alone. We can’t let him go through this alone, we just can’t.” She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze, turning her gaze back to her siblings.

“Of course we’ll be there for him, Al.” Ben agreed.

And so they waited. They decided to take turns watching over him throughout the day. Diego and Five helped change Luther into the old academy pajamas before Allison and Vanya took on the first shift. Klaus and Ben went to the kitchen to make Alfredo pasta with extra chicken, Luther’s favorite dish. They remembered how insistent he was on the extra chicken when they were young.

“I need all the protein I can get! You all do too. But Five, you especially. You use up too much energy during training. This is far more nutritious and better for you than your peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches. We don’t need anymore nose bleeds. Go ahead and grab an extra chicken breast, yeah?”

Luther was always good at watching over his siblings, whether they liked it or not. Half the time it annoyed them all to no end - especially Diego. But Luther took his role as not just their leader, but as their big brother, very seriously. It was a responsibility he did not take lightly.

The pasta didn’t turn out as picture perfect as it could have if the two let Grace do all the work, but with her guidance they were able to scrap up a delicious dish between the three of them.

“Damn Ben, Olive Garden better watch out! We’re gonna steal their jobs!” Allison and Vanya could hear Klaus exclaim all the way from the kitchen, a small smile appearing on both of their faces.

“If nothing else, it’s comforting that Klaus will always be just…”

“Klaus?” Allison finishes.

“Klaus.” Vanya agrees, her gaze falling back to the boy in the bed. He was still sleeping soundly, looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

She doesn’t remember him being a deep sleeper - in fact, he was the lightest one of the seven. If Diego did so much as drop a book in his room or Klaus tumbled over his own feet, Luther would be in their room within a few moments to make sure they weren’t in danger. He lost a lot of sleep that way, but it never occurred to her until just now the extent of how much Luther did for them as children. Seeing him so young, so vulnerable looking was overwhelming. It was as if they were slapped in the face by past memories, repressed or otherwise.

“Mmmm…” Both women stood up at the mumbling, hovering over Luther as he started to stir in the bed. His eyes slowly started to flutter open after a few moments. You could see the realization of where he was wash over his face as he took in his surroundings. It was almost as if he was seeing right past his sisters.

“Luther?” Allison asked in a small, gentle voice. His eyes finally met hers and she placed her hand on top of his.

“M’am?” He looked down at their hands and back at her, then back down and back again. He blinked furiously, opening his mouth and closing it once more. He then whipped his head to Vanya as she tried her best to put on a gentle smile.

“Hey Lu.” She said softly.

“Vanya? Allison?” His voice went up an octave as he looked between both of his sisters. “What’s going on? Did I fail the last mission? Are you two hurt? I-I need to go back to the training room, find dad and explain! Maybe then I can -”

Allison and Vanya locked eyes as this answered a few questions. Luther definitely was mentally and 13 again, not just physically like Five. Allison’s mind reeled as she processed this, trying to think of how to even begin explaining what’s happening. Explain what has happened. Not only to Luther, but to them all.

Luther started to sit up, rambling on as he attempted to swing his legs over the bed before Allison and Vanya stopped him. Allison placed herself in front of Luther, legs shoulder width apart and hands braced on both of his shoulders. Vanya stayed at his side as she placed a firm hand on his upper arm.

“Woah, woah, woah not so fast there, Luther!” Allison knew his strength, even at this age, rivaled hers tenfold. He would only have to raise his pinky to push them both off him, but he didn’t. He let his sisters push him back in bed, but he stayed upright.

“Lu,” Vanya started, her hand still on his arm. “I can’t even imagine how overwhelming this all must be. Before I get the others I just need you to know that-”

“You’re all old.” Luther said simply.

Allison let out a small chuckle at the transparent comment and threw her head back ever so slightly. Luther had always been Mr. Obvious.

“You could say that, yeah.” Vanya scoffed, “I’ll go get the others if you’re ready?”

Luther drew his lips in a thin line, “What about Dad?” He asked cautiously, sounding all too much like the 12 year old he was.

“Dad…” Vanya looked up at Allison, wordlessly asking for help here.

“We’ll talk about it when Van and the other boys are here, yeah?” Allison reassured, trying to keep her best ‘mom’ voice on in an attempt to ease some of her brother’s evident nerves.

Luther just nodded at that answer as it was found satisfactory enough for him. Vanya gave his arm one last squeeze before disappearing down the hall. Within 30 seconds the rest of the Hargreeves came in the room, single file line. Luther watched every single one of them as they walked inside, his eyes wide and mouth pursed open.

Diego was always rough around the edges, but seeing him in all black, bearded, and scarred was certainly a bit unnerving. Klaus made him smile ever so slightly. It made Luther happy that Klaus was still oh so very much Klaus, even with a plate of pasta in his lanky arms. Eyeliner, skirt, and messy curls. Ben was a bit odd to see - blue around the edges and younger than the other two brothers before him. But Five. God that certainly put his head through a loop as if he hadn’t had enough of that already. He looked…just like he remembered. Small frame with a sharp jaw and the most intense blue eyes.

“Guten morgen, dear Luther.” Klaus said singsongly, placing the plate of pasta on the wheeled tray and wheeling it next to the bed.

“Vanya told us you woke up! Welcome back.” He sat down in one of the chairs in the room, the rest of the siblings also taking a seat.

“Thanks…” Luther drew the word out, “The pasta smells good. Thank you for that too.”

“Nonsense.” Klaus waved his hand in the air, “I’m just glad to see you’re okay.” He said honestly, crossing his legs and leaning down to rest his elbows on his knees.

“I-” Luther stopped for a moment, “I think I understand what’s happening. You’re all..older. But,” He turned to where Five was seated next to Ben. “Five?”

“It’s a bit of a long story, as this whole situation is. But I time traveled, managed to get stuck for quite a while, then came back in this body. I’m actually older than all of you, but that’s besides the point.” Five explained flippantly, “How are you doing, Luther?”

Luther gave a shaky nod as Five explained, “I’m um.” He gulped and looked back up at Allison who still stood over the bed.  “When can I see Dad?”

All of the siblings tensed at the question, sharing looks with one another. Surprising to everyone it was Diego who spoke up first.

“Lu, Dad isn’t here.” He explained. “You don’t have to w-wor-worry about him anymore. It’s okay.”

Luther shook his head and a few dry chuckles fell from his lips. “Yeah, uh huh. And two times two equals three.” He spat.

“Luther…” Allison said calmly, “Diego is telling the truth. Dad is dead.” She watched as his blue eyes start to brim with tears. But Luther immediately threw his hand up to wipe them away. He shook his head again, this time more violently.

“No, no he can’t be… I-I didn’t report the last mission! I need to, I-” He started to try to get up once more, this time Diego and Ben rushing to the bed to attempt to keep him from getting up any further.

“Luther, it’s okay, please! Calm down.” Vanya said, voice shaking as Luther struggled against his brothers.

“No! No I need to get back to training! I need to go to the weight room! I-I can lift 2,000 pounds now! I need to show Dad! He’ll take me to the tree again if I don’t show him! Just LET ME GO!” Luther shouted, furiously pounding his fists against Diego’s chest. Diego and Ben held him in place best they could, letting their brother dispel the pent up frustration into their bodies. They could take it, for now. And it was evident he was running out of steam.

Vanya wordlessly sat down on the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. He stiffened at the touch, his incessant pounding coming to an abrupt stop.

“Luther, it’s alright. You don’t have to train.” She gently pulled Luther into her lap. It wasn’t too uncomfortable as he was about an inch taller than her at this point. It seemed to do the trick. Luther let himself be held from behind, something she knew never happened to them as kids. They were all so touch deprived and it pains her remembering how much Luther would avoid any touch at all a few months back.

Vanya rested her head on his shoulder and he found himself leaning into the touch, finding comfort in her firm embrace. He can’t remember the last time he was held like this.

“Your body has been through a lot, Lu. You can’t go up and lash out like that, okay? At least not right now, not until we get more answers.” Allison sad next to the pair on the bed, running a hand through Luther’s soft, golden hair. He nodded, feeling his eyes begin to sting yet again with tears. He closed them shut as the tears silently fell down his face.

“This is a lot to process, Luther. You’re doing a really good job so far. We just want to protect you. You know that, right?” Five spoke up softly. It hurt him seeing his brother so panicked, so afraid. Five remembers Diego and Luther saying something similar to him when he was in need.

“I’m sorry,” Luther choked out. “I-I didn’t mean to.” He opened his eyes and looked up at Diego and Ben. Ben looked fairly untouched. His hair was a bit disheveled at worst. Diego, however, was another story. He had a split lip and red marks along his neck and whatever skin was visible. He didn’t look angry or upset though. His brows were furrowed in concern.

The brown eyed man shook his head, “I know that, Lu. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. I’m okay, bro.” He knew Luther must be thinking there is going to be some sort of punishment. There always was when Luther and Diego would brawl as kids. Well, when they weren’t asked to brawl anyway. But that wasn’t the case anymore.

“Luther,” Klaus finally spoke up after a few moments of silence, “What did you mean by the tree?” He remembers Luther mentioning Reginald’s ‘favorite place’ at his funeral, but he never thought to ask him anything more about it.

Luther tensed, his gaze falling to his lap. He clenched his hands tightly, adamant on not crying anymore. Crying was weakness and Luther absolutely had no room for weakness. He had hit that quota enough today for a lifetime. And he can’t talk about the tree. Dad said so.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Luther mumbled.

Vanya’s stomach dropped. Whatever this is, whatever Luther isn’t saying, is something they don’t know about and there’s a reason for that. They all had experiences with their father they didn’t want to share. But eventually they all did. Or so she thought.

“Dad isn’t…he can’t hurt you anymore. I promise.” Vanya reassured from behind.

Luther’s grip tightened and he felt the moon shape imprints go deeper into his palms, finding the pain grounding. He deserved pain when he acted out of line.

Allison swiftly uncurled one of his fists and wrapped her hand in his. She knew that old habit of his from when they were children. She’s watched Luther dig at his palms until they were bleeding during post mission briefing sessions on more than one occasion. And she isn’t about to let her brother do that to himself again.

“This is a safe space, bro.” Klaus pressed gently, giving him an encouraging nod.

Luther sighed, glancing up and at the faces around the room. They were all watching him with a look concern. But there was more to it. He saw it in the way Klaus’ lips curled up ever so slightly, he saw it in Five’s dimple and Diego’s eyes. They weren’t going to judge him or punish him.

“Whenever I did something wrong, Dad would, he just liked that tree. And when I-I messed up he would take me there.” Luther focused on the arms around his waist and the hand in his, “At first it was a time out thing. He would exclude me from activities, which he knows I don’t like. I wanna be involved.”

“That wasn’t enough anymore I guess. I kept messing up. So he would make me fast for days on end after missions. Or Dad wanted me to throw things until my shoulders dislocated. But that wasn’t enough anymore either,” He continued, “I deserved more than that. He started to make me…help him. A-and if I did it well enough, he insisted on ‘helping me too’.” Luther’s voice was barely above a whisper once he finished. The rest of the room was silent, Luther’s IV drip being the only thing audible in the room. No one, absolutely no one, was expecting that.

Reginald was an asshole, yes. They all knew that. It was common knowledge just like how water is wet. But Reginald being a pedophile? Not only was he emotionally manipulative, but also sexually? To his own goddamn child? That was a whole other level that they were not prepared to hear. There was no way to be prepared to hear something like that.

“Luther, you did not deserve a single second of that, do you understand me?” Diego demanded, tone soft but assertive. He had to learn about sex trafficking and sexual abuse victims during the Police Academy. And he remembers how that was the most heartbreaking lesson of them all.

He learned how, especially young boys, will dismiss and refuse to acknowledge their abuse. Even more so if it was from their guardian. “You are not a bad child. You do not deserve to be treated like that. We love you, okay? Did…did Dad make you keep it a secret?”

Luther gave a short, “He said if I told anyone h-he’d kill one of you and say I did it. He said I’d go to jail for murder. But I always did it! I couldn’t let you guys get hurt…Dad loves me. He punishes me because he wants me to learn.” He said as if it didn’t need explaining, looking around the room at his siblings. He wasn’t expecting to find every single one of their eyes to be filled with tears themselves.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I-I’m sorry if I did something to-”

“Goddammit Luther, you didn’t do anything wrong! You didn’t. You’re a good boy, okay? Such a good boy, fuck.” Vanya squeezed her brother tighter, dropping her head in the crook of his neck.

Luther froze for a moment at the outburst before feeling something within him burst open. He was…allowed to be upset. He was allowed to be angry, to be sad, to be ‘weak’. A watery sob escaped his lips and within a second he turned around to wrap his arms around Vanya. They were properly holding one another now and Vanya let her brother grab her sweater in tight fists and cry. And he did so; ugly, heart wrenching sobs came from the small boy as he was being cradled in the small woman’s arms. His shoulders shook violently with each one. The rest of the siblings watched as this intimate moment unfolded before them. They all felt their souls leave their body, their hearts crushed.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Luther was no longer shaking and his eyes were dry. No one said a word. Were there words to even say? Allison wrapped her arms around her two siblings and Klaus got up to do the same. Then Diego, Ben, and Five. All six siblings wrapped their arms around Luther. Diego kissed the top of his head and Luther simply let himself be held for a few moments before breaking up.

Luther isn’t sure what happened in the 15 years or so he’s missed nor is he even completely aware of the situation he’s in. But one thing he can say for certain is he’s grateful for his siblings. Whatever they all went through in those years he wasn’t there for, it must have been painful. It must’ve fucking hurt. Because the love he’s feeling? The pure, genuine warmth and care? He couldn’t even begin to fathom anything like it - not in his timeline anyway. And he’s so glad he’s been given the opportunity to feel even a fraction of it.

[jungxk]

just one (iii)

notes: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

warnings: eventual smut, swearing, bad habits (mentions of drinking, smoking etc)

genre: humour, drama, romance, college!au

wordcount: 7.3k

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

contrary to popular belief, jungkook does set some rules for himself. he doesn't have many, but the ones he does have he's strict about.

the first was no drunks in his jeep. he already broke that rule by allowing you and your friend seulgi in, so maybe that was out the window. impressive too, because he hasn't let anyone in his truck that hammered since jimin after taehyung's 21st. he threw up all over the dashboard and jungkook could swear he smelt vomit in there for months. even though he's sensitive to smell and hates repeating the same mistakes, jungkook decided you were worth the risk.

which brings him to his second rule: messing around with girls was just that. messing around. every time he needs reminding of that jungkook remembers the cactus plant taehyung gave him back during his very first semester. he killed that thing in record timing to the point where even taehyung wondered if there was a malevolent spirit in the place, because how else could you kill a cactus? it perfectly depicted jungkook's most telling trait: he can't look after things. look out for things, sure. he can step into a fight if his friend needed help or walk an old lady to her car with groceries. because those were a one off, in-the moment things that jungkook is good at navigating. but long term things? investing himself? he could barely stomach his own emotions for a weekend let alone someone else's, so it really was a recipe for disaster for everyone involved. get in, get out, get going onto the next. that way everybody wins.

and that neatly bleeds into his final rule: no bringing girls back to his place (if he can help it). jungkook preferred to keep his personal and personal personal life separate, so the less girls knew about him outside the bedroom the better. besides, it's not like he's totally unreasonable - if his place was closest and the situation called for it, then fair enough. but that was hardly ever the case.

which is why he's here: stumbling around the park in the middle of the day, totally and utterly lost. he was sure he had taken this shortcut once or twice before but apparently he was wrong, because he didn't even know this half of the park existed.

"the fuck is this place," jungkook mutters to himself, shifting as best as he can through a patch of long grass. he's pretty sure he's got a twig in his shirt somewhere and he doesn't even want to think about that squishy thing he just stepped in. his dick may have had a blast last night (and this morning) but the timbs on his feet had definitely seen better days.

jungkook had been wandering around for so long now he considers calling the girl who's place he'd just left in hopes of getting some directions...but then realised he didn't have her number. and even if he did, what would he say? i made you cum faster than you could spell out my name but now i need you to fish me out of the park like a lost dog? and then the next hurdle: what was her name again? jane? joy? jill? it quickly becomes irrelevant when jungkook gets through the end of weeds and broken branches to an open plain of grass again. it's a cloudy day so it wasn't particularly beautiful to look at, but he's just happy to be out of the mess of trees. looking out to the large pond of water just where the steepness of a hill stops, he double-takes when he sees that the person sitting atop it is...you.

you. bundled up in a hoodie, no makeup, tongue sticking out while you work to get the shading of that wilted tree just right. it's a public place, there are people out on the streets, cars whizzing past, but jungkook still feels like he's stumbled upon something private, intimate even - so beautiful do you look, so simple and candid. just you in your own little world. his fingers practically itch for a camera.

raising a hand before calling out your name, jungkook is unable to stop a smile blooming across his face when you snap your head up. he comes over to you, out from all the bushes like it was a totally normal place for someone to be. you can't help but stare at him like he's go an extra head when he finally reaches you, hair all mussed and eyes wonderfully bright. he smells vaguely of women's perfume and cigarette smoke but fuck if you don't gulp a little at how delectable he looks, leaf in his hair and all. "fancy seeing you here, noona."

"i could say the same," you lean to peer over his big shoulder, quirking a brow. "jungkook, why were you in the woods?"

he looks back with you to inspect the path he came from. "i was in the woods?"

"yeah," you laugh, his dopey expression making warmth flourish in your chest. he looks so loveable when he has no idea what's going on, eyes all big and mouth hanging open like an endearing dumbass. the urge to kiss him hits you out of nowhere. "i'm um, guessing you don't come to this park often?"

"i do! i've been here like," he counts his fingers. "twice? once sober." he looks down at his feet bashfully. "i'm actually a little lost."

"i hadn't guessed," you grin up at him, gesturing, "the entrance is way on the other side, over there. if you keep walking this way and then turn left at the-"

"i'll just wait until you're done," jungkook insists, plopping down on the grass next to you. his shirt wrinkles up around the belt to extenuate the flat of his stomach, settling into the ridges of what quite obviously are his covered abs. he looks so innocent from the neck up, round eyes blinking at you through his hair innocently like he isn't all hard edges and stiff lines from the shoulders down. a wolf in sheep's clothing and all that. "if you don't mind, that is? i don't know if you realised but i'm not exactly good with directions."

"you're right. if i let you wander off alone i'll probably see your face on the news tomorrow. just gimme a minute to pack all this-"

the gentle hand enveloping yours stills you. "please. take your time," jungkook hums, letting you enjoy the warmth of his touch before settling back with his palms in the grass again. "i don't mind relaxing here a little while anyway."

you open your book again upon his insisting. "i won't be too long, promise. this fucking pond is just being difficult."

"looks pretty perfect to me," he muses, pretending to inspect your work when really he's inspecting you.

it goes straight over your head though, too enthralled in getting the lines right, getting every stain of colour placed where you want it. you made the dreariest looking pond look like a glittering lake, alive with colour and life that didn't exist in the real world. he scans the other page; more trees, dogs playing with owners, cloudy skies and orchids, so many orchids even though this park had none. you clearly had a liking for them.

"it's definitely not perfect," you laugh, wetting your brush and softening more edges. "but that's what i love about painting. perfect doesn't exist. or even desired." he hums in agreement, no longer able to look at your art, only you. the way your lashes gently flutter, a dimple forming at the side of your mouth when you purse your lips. you were so easy on the eyes jungkook doesn't realise he's staring until you break the silence. "so are you gonna tell me why you're lost in the park or are you gonna make me guess, slick?"

he grins. "you have three strikes, noona. use them wisely."

"booty call?"

"damn," he huffs, head tilting back while listening to your victorious laugh. "listen, it wasn't exactly a booty call. that would imply i met jane before," he pauses. "i mean joy. wait, jennie?" he scratches his head. "what's your friend's name again, jisoo? definitely not her..."

"ask your dick, he'll probably remember. do you want me to give you two some privacy?"

"what's it to you?" jungkook laughs, nudging your shoulder with his while he gnaws his bottom lip, because it's not like he was about to admit that jane/joy/jennie was the third girl he slept with this week to get you out of his head. it was slutty even by jungkook's standards, and even then it still didn't stop him from secretly hoping you'd at least get a tiny bit jealous - and at best, curious to take their place.

"nothing, nothing," you throw him playful look. "i'm just another art hoe sat in the park, who am i to judge?"

he laughs again, nose scrunching up cutely. "how did you find this place anyway?" jungkook peers around the fence of trees, making the area feel so much more secluded, as if the rest of the world was off somewhere else. "i never knew there was such a big pond here."

"neither did i, until jimin."

"jimin?"

a nod. "he brought me here a few years ago, back when i was," you don't know how to finish, wetting your lips. "back when i was going through a tough time. family issues and all that. he said everyone needs a place to scream and cry and this was his, so he gave it to me too. it also just happens to be very pretty."

you can feel jungkook's inquisitive eyes on you, regarding how wistful you look remembering the days you and jimin would come here every week for some respite from life. it all seemed so long ago but like yesterday at the same time, as if walking around in a dream. it's jungkook that lulls you back to earth with his velvet soft voice. "you know it's weird, i know jimin hyung inside out, have done since we were kids. when he's mad, upset, whatever it was," he pauses thoughtfully. "but i don't think he's ever opened up to me about his feelings. anyone, really. he comes out here to scream but he can't like, talk to people?"

"jimin's like that," you agree. "everyone thinks because he has a million friends he's an open book, but it's the opposite. i've known him all this time and he's never even cried in front of me!"

"same," jungkook sighs. "weird. especially since he was, like, the biggest crybaby from ages four to sixteen."

"sixteen?" you laugh. "seriously?!"

"you have no idea! one time as a joke i asked if he was crying even though he wasn't, and he got so annoyed he started crying," jungkook snickers, eyes crinkling happily while he falls about in giggles with you. "but then he grew up, went to college. gets himself some pussy every time he's upset now, i guess."

"it sounds awful when you put it like that!" you pause. "maybe it is a little awful."

jungkook shrugs. "it's the easy way out, is what it is. doesn't make him a bad guy."

you prod him. "are we still talking about jimin?" you're met with another nudge before continuing. "what i mean is he's always thinking of others, that jiminie," you shake your head fondly at the thought of him, and jungkook sees your affection for him etched all across your face. "i keep telling him that processing other people's emotions for them isn't healthy, but he won't listen to me. have at it when you get the time."

"what was it?" jungkook asks. "the emotions he processed for you, i mean?" he raises a brow when you make a face at him. "or do i have to reach level fifty before unlocking your tragic backstory?"

"try level one hundred," you scoff, hauling yourself up to collect your things. "now, do you wanna go get some coffee or sit here and talk about our abandonment issues? choose carefully, you only get one."

"coffee," jungkook scrambles to pack your art supplies for you, making you laugh. "coffee, coffee, coffee!"

x

x

x

"jiminieee!" you call out across the house, kicking the door shut behind you after letting yourself in. you're glad you never threw out your old key because it came in handy during times like this, when jimin couldn't answer a text to save his life. he usually wasn't so m.i.a. but that didn't mean he didn't have his moments from time to time. you just assumed maybe he had a girl over, in which case you had no problem eating all the snacks in the kitchen and playing video games with taehyung until he was done. "why didn't you pick up, i called you like, twice today! anyway i was thinking, do you-"

you stop dead in kitchen, surprised to see hoseok there with jimin. it's dead quiet, heads snapped to you like they've only just stopped talking upon your arrival. you can't help but blink back at them, a little dazed, unsure what you just walked in on. but before you can think too much about it, hoseok is shooting you one of his sweet smiles. "hey, ____!"

"hey hobi, uh," your eyes skirt over to your best friend nervously. "didn't think i'd see you here..!"

"hyung just came over for a catch up," jimin says, which is about as much of an explanation as you're gonna get. "sorry i missed your calls, i left my phone upstairs. everything good?"

"yeah i just," you shuffle closer to jimin, a habit you had when you felt uneasy. even though there was nothing to be uneasy about, so to speak; you and hobi had been texting regularly for a couple weeks now, so it's not like you had a reason to be so skittish. so why do you get the nagging feeling there's something you're missing? you ignore it in favour of jimin's pleasant expression. "i was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie? that new horror film just came out and i'm free tonight, so..?"

he strokes your back apologetically, venturing dangerously low. boyfriend territory, so to speak. "sorry ____, but i have so much work to catch up on before this weekend! remember irene noona?"

you lean into him involuntarily. "yeah?"

"she's having another thing on saturday. i really wanna go but i gotta submit my project first," jimin explains, his gentle caress along your spine enough to lull you into submission alone. "but hobi can go with you! you're free tonight, aren't you hyung?"

"um," hoseok wets his lips, eyes darting between the pair of you. "yeah. yeah, i'd love to take you for a movie, ____. if you don't mind, that is."

"oh, yeah of course not! that sounds great," you pat jimin's chest briefly. "too bad you can't make it though. next time?"

"next time," he nods, and you do your best not to shiver when he squeezes your hip.

x

x

x

you're still in denial all the way to the movie theatre, right up until hoseok pays for the tickets and the popcorn and the good coke. there was no denying it after that: you were officially on a date with jung hoseok.

and it was the first of many. because hobi was funny and understanding and sweet, planning around your schedule and picking things you liked to do. even if you cancelled last minute or opted for a night in, he was so chill about it all. if there was a definition of prince charming in the dictionary, hobi's face would be plastered next to it, his name in glitter cursive. this is further supported by the way he brings you flowers before taking you to a fancy dinner he saved up for, all the way uptown.

evidently, it was only natural that your first kiss with him be perfect as well.

"oh, hoseok!" you coo, plucking the fresh lillies from his hands happily. his cheeks burn with excitement, because you only ever call him hoseok when you're sincerely touched. he follows you into the kitchen while you put the flowers in some water, like a puppy on a leash. jimin was right, he muses. this way, everybody wins. "they're so beautiful! you really shouldn't have, i can imagine these costing a fuck tonne..."

"don't worry about that," hoseok says, stepping closer to you when you finally face him. he looks awfully dashing in his dress shirt and pants, hair swept back to reveal even more of his bright, handsome face. he reaches for your hand gently. "i'm just glad you like them."

"i love them," you smile, his heart fluttering with how pretty you look in that moment, all sweet features and a sweeter dress. "no one's ever given me flowers before, you know. maybe i'll sketch them tonight, so i remember forever."

"no need," he chuckles, taking another step. you're close now, awfully close. the richness of his brown eyes throws you, studying your face with the most gentle smile in the world. before he looks down at your lips. "i'll buy you flowers for as long as you'll let me."

hoseok reaches up to cup the side of your face, feather light and soft. he waits for you to pull away, and when you don't he leans in to meet you half way in a short, honey-sweet kiss. his lips are just as soft as they look, just as plump as you'd imagined. you sigh into his mouth when he kisses you again, a bit longer this time, falling into his chest for more before hoseok pulls back with a glittering grin.

"come on," he says brightly, tugging your hands. "i busted my ass for that reservation, so no tardiness!"

you hum with a nod, clutching his hand and letting him lead you out.

but of course, you got there on time. dinner was perfect, the food was delicious, the weather was lovely, absolutely everything was just right. and yet when hoseok kisses you goodnight at the door, you wonder why your chest feels like it's got a chunk missing. like scraping the bottom of a tub of ice cream for a piece of cookie dough and not finding any. you pad into your room, waiting expectantly for hoseok's got home safe text that he never forgets to send. you're so caught up in your head trying to figure out if the chicken you had at dinner is what's making you feel off, before your phone pings! right on time. but then you do a double take at the id.

[unknown number 9:28pm] hey it's slick :) just wanted to ask why you let me walk around with a leaf in my hair the other day. awfully mean of you noona

[unknown number 9:28pm] this is jungkook btw in case u havent guessed

[unknown number 9:29pm] unless im not the only guy u call slick...?

the laughter that bubbles up in your chest is so potent and refreshing you find yourself falling back into your bed in a fit of giggles, eagerly unlocking your phone to save jungkook's number. you had totally forgotten to anticipate his text in the weeks hobi kept you busy.

[you 9:32pm] thanks for clarifying, ur actually slick #4. jimins #5 if that helps

[you 9:33pm] you didn't pay for my coffee so it was revenge

[you 9:33pm] plus you Might have looked a bit cute

[jungkook 9:35pm] are u kidding

[jungkook 9:35pm] i got u those overpriced chocolate things which was like 4 coffees

[jungkook 9:36pm] ahhhhh there it is :) i knew u had a thing for me

[you 9:38pm] they're called croissants jungkook

[jungkook 9:38pm] idc lets go back to how u think im cute

[you 9:40pm] i thought you didnt like me calling u cute

[jungkook 9:41pm] ill take what i can get in this fuckin drought

[jungkook 9:42pm] my plan is to run with the cute thing until i evolve. charmander was cute in the beginning too but then he becomes charizard n everyones like woahhh

[you 9:43pm] are you literally 7 yrs old. am i talkin to ash ketchum rn

[jungkook 9:43pm] pls dont be silly noona ash was 10

[you 9:45pm] so older than u then

[jungkook 9:49pm] can we stop talking abt pokemon now im trying to flirt

[you 9:50pm] dont say that or ur ash hyung will be sad

[jungkook 9:51] i actlly hate u

you're so busy laughing you almost miss hobi's incoming message. you should have replied then and there, but the influx of jungkook’s messages keep you occupied. 

[hoseok 9:43pm] got home safe xx

[hoseok 9:43pm] had a lovely night with you hun xx wanna meet before class tomorrow?xx

x

x

x

"you're having boy trouble, aren't you?" is the first thing taehyung says when you drag him out of his room. and he's not wrong. jimin's out so it's safe enough to take the conversation to the kitchen, tae's smirk over his coffee mug only making you flinch harder. "well?"

"i mean," you tap the table nervously. "sort of? it's just not something i wanna talk to the girls about. or jimin either for that matter. unfortunately you're the only neutral party i have to indulge in."

"charmed. so what did hobi do?" he asks simply. "eat the nuggets off your plate? propose a threesome before the third date? wear denim on denim?"

"...one of those is not like the other, tae."

"you're right. if he took your nuggets the fucker wouldn't be even be alive right now."

"but to answer your question, no he didn't do anything. in fact, i'd go as far as saying he's been so perfect it's starting to make me think he's a hologram or something. some kind of sexy robot designed to charm women but he broke out of the lab and now we're dating."

he gives a snort of derision. "come on, he's a guy. there's gotta be something gross about him."

"nope! he dresses well, smells good, never late, texts me back," you hold your head in your hands dramatically. "he even finishes his political arts essays extra fast just so i have an outline for when it comes to writing mine. the guy is a saint."

"so why did you drag me out of my room during wank hours?"

"jesus, taehyung! it's one in the afternoon!"

"well?"

"i just!" you throw your hands up comically. "i think there's something wrong me! he buys me flowers, texts me good morning...so why don't i have butterflies? why aren't i rushing to reply to him? just the other night i left him on read for ju-for some other guy. i mean, half of me is like if i don't feel something then that's valid but the other half of me is wondering why? why do i feel like i ordered the wrong drink at a coffee shop and i only realised after the first taste? like, it's not a bad drink at all, it's actually quite nice. but it's not what i wanted. you know?"

he raises a dismissive hand to your rambling. "answer me this. do you wanna fuck him?"

you pause, mulling it over. "yeah, i guess."

"you guess?"

"well i wouldn't say no," you admit, huffing as you shift your mug between your hands. "because he's crazy hot and a great kisser, if that's any indication. i'm sure he wouldn't let me down. but i have cause to say the same about you and probably half of jimin's other friends too, so."

taehyung rolls his eyes. "well, ignoring the fact that that was possibly the most tepid compliment you could have given me," he leans across the counter so you can't miss the way his eyes bore into you. "if you're not desperate to fuck him, and i mean getting so excited you shiver a little every time he comes within a meter of you, then that's that. game over, case closed. you should never have to guess whether you wanna fuck a guy or not."

"but he's doing everything right," you wail childishly. "and it's not like i don't like him taehyung, i do."

he shrugs to that. "right. you just don't like him enough to continue dating him on your merry way without coming to me for advice? come on, listen to yourself! the guy's half way to asking you to be his girlfriend, if there's no spark now then what are you waiting for?"

"but maybe there will be! eventually! i definitely like him more and more the longer we've been dating," you counter. "isn’t that worth waiting for?" you groan when tae does nothing but shoot a pointed look in reply. "fine, i'm making excuses. but in my defence if you had to break something like this to jimin you'd be stressed too."

"jimin?" taehyung repeats, brows furrowing. "what does he have to do with this?"

"i mean he pretty much set us up. he's super invested too, he remembers when i need to text hobi back more often than i do." taehyung chews on the information. it doesn't sit well in his stomach and it shows, his lips pursing and his legs jiggling restlessly. "at least it put an end to jisoo and seulgi's crazy idea that jimin liked me. weird though, i didn't think guys would give so much of a shit about their friends relationships."

"yeah, weird," taehyung grumbles, effectively switching the conversation to what he knows will distract you before you can clock onto his pinched expression. "speaking of friends, jungkook says you two have been talking a lot recently. that true?"

"oh, yeah. yeah, i guess," you suddenly find your empty mug very interesting. "we text a bit. went out for coffee a while ago."

taehyung double takes. "coffee?" a pause. "like a-"

you silence him. "don't say date. don't you dare say date. i swear to god if you say date i'll make you a new coffee and pour it in your lap taehyung, i'll do it."

he smirks. "did he pay?"

"no, i got the drinks. but he got the pastries."

"but did he order any pastries?"

silence.

"it was a date."

"no it wasn't!"

x

x

x

"how are you feeling about friday?" jimin asks quietly, lips pressed into your hair so the words come out muffled.

you're half asleep against him, it's one of the few times you're snuggled up into him and not the other way around. you're not sure what trashy romcom is playing anymore, all you know is that jimin's chest is so comfortable under your head, his body so warm with yours cradled into it. you yawn before answering, burying your nose into his soft hoodie. "lunch with hobi? we have lunch together all the time, why would-?"

"no," he says softly, pulling back slightly to look at you. "the other thing."

you meet his eyes, and then it hits you. "oh." a heavy beat. "i-i totally forgot. i can't believe i forgot..."

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said anything," he apologises, tucking you further into his arm. you hope your heating cheeks don't give you away with how close you are against him, breathing him in like you would a lover. you're so entranced by his flushed lips and tender expression that you barely listen to what he's saying. "it's good that you're with hobi that day, though. keep you distracted a little, you know?"

"yeah," you hum, but it doesn't keep the sinking feeling out of your chest.

"i only brought it up because i wanted to cook for you that night," he smiles. "i'll make that pasta you like, we'll play some video games. it'll be fun."

you gaze up at jimin in that moment and you hear the words he won't say loud and clear: i don't want you to be alone. your affection for him surges and you think he can see it in your face, because he smiles back at you with a tenderness you don't see often. you shiver a little when he brushes some hair from your face, his touch lingering ever so slightly to the point where you think he just might kiss you. he doesn't, of course. he never has, and never will.

"that sounds perfect," you say finally, dropping your head back into his shoulder to hide your flushed face if anything. you wrap a tight arm around his middle, a silent thank you, and he resumes his cheek tucked against your head.

x

x

x

the next day it rained.

the kind of rain that comes out of nowhere. one minute jungkook was flying down the road with all the windows down and namjoon hyung's playlist blasting and then the next it's pouring, the sound of raindrops hitting his truck so loud he thinks maybe it will leave a dent on the bonnet. jungkook's just glad he got his sunset pictures done and dusted before the downpour, because fuck if his photography degree didn't rest in the hands of the weather forecast at this point. he has enough time on his hands to consider squeezing in a smoke with namjoon before maybe heading out for the night or even seeing what yoongi hyung is up to, but all that goes flying out the window when jungkook sees you. again.

you. standing in the street in the pouring rain outside the post office like a fucking crazy person. you, with no coat, no umbrella, not even a jumper. it's like you've seen a ghost and you're too scared to walk through the door, or maybe you are the ghost. swerving into the curb in a haphazard park, jungkook doesn't know. all he knows is that if the rain doesn't sweep you away any minute now then the fucking pneumonia would.

"hey! noona, what are you doing?!" he screeches through the open window. you just stand there, dumbstruck. even when you finally hear jungkook's yelling, it’s like his voice slips through one ear and out the other. "hey! are you fucking insane? it's pouring!" jungkook shouts above the downfall. you still can't move. "____, get in the car!"

you probably wouldn't have if you hadn't looked up to see jungkook's face, twisted in disbelief and what also appears to be worry. cars honk at him from how badly he's parked, butt of the truck sticking out in the road. he stopped for you...

he stopped for you. so you get in the car.

"are you crazy?!" he asks again as he frantically rejoins the traffic while you fiddle with your seat belt, so sopping wet and freezing that you slip and slide with the buckle. jungkook helps you just like last time, reaching over to click you in before glancing back at your face. you're absolutely drenched, hands wrinkled and hair dripping, clothes soaked through to the bone. and even though you're shivering in the passenger seat with barely any semblance of sanity, your grip on the little blue envelope in your fist doesn't falter. "why the fuck were you just standing there?"

"i," you start, but the words freeze up. "i, um..."

jungkook eyes you like the mad person you most definitely are, and you don't blame him. you look mad. you feel mad. out of sorts, like your spirit is floating around your empty body and the only reason you can't hear her yelling is because the sound of the rain is drowning it out. your chest heaves, air not coming into your lungs fast enough, pulse pounding in your ears. "put on my hoodie," he snaps, gesturing to the seat behind yours. "do you see it, the red one?"

you twist in your seat after a shaky nod, clambering around before grabbing it and tugging it over your head as you're told. it's so big and soft, so warm and so...jungkook. your eyes flutter shut when you bury your nose into the fabric, breathing in the smell of him. fresh laundry, soap, the faintest cologne. and something unmissably sweet. you don't know why but your eyes suddenly brim with tears.

"hey," jungkook says nervously, not knowing how to handle this. "you okay?" another beat. "you gonna tell me why you were out in this goddamn monsoon, or?"

you finally turn your head to look at him, really look at him. silver bracelets glimmer from jungkook's wrists while he drives, his hair matted and sticking up at the back a little. his muscles are hard, you can see the bulge of his biceps. his jaw is sharp, his mouth pursed into a line unhappily, but his eyes are soft. his voice is soft. his hoodie is soft. "i was," you look down at the envelope. it's crumpled and sodden but you haven't let go of it. "i was going to post this. i mean, i wasn't. well, i might have, but..."

jungkook steals another glance because he still has no idea what the fuck is going on. "you couldn't have taken your indecisive ass inside the post office to do all that?" you go quiet again and jungkook's chest feels tighten for some reason. "what kind of letter is so important you'd get drenched for it?"

"it's not a letter," you mumble. then, louder, "it's not a letter, it's. it's a card."

"a card?" he frowns. "like a birthday card?"

you nod. it's hits you then, like a punch in the gut: the shame, the utter embarrassment of it all. of jungkook fishing you out of the rain like this so you don't catch a death wish of a cold, bundling you up in his car like a little kid who got lost. but that's what you feel like, a kid wandering around. a basket case with a birthday card. so it was no wonder your thoughts start to spew from your mouth like projectile vomit but in word form. "remember, um," you gulp, trying to reign in your racing mind. "remember i told you i had, uh, family issues?"

jungkook peers at you, eyeing the road nervously between pauses. "yeah..."

"well, um," you scratch your head, hair flat to your scalp from all the rain. you ruffle it, irritated. "long story short, it's that. like i know i showed you my sketchbook and let you watch me paint in the park and rush to draw flowers before they die but all that stuff is...it's the reason why i'm here. i love it, i love art and it's who i am but if i didn't i probably wouldn't have been caught out in the rain and you probably wouldn't have come found me and-"

he shakes his head. "woah, woah. you're not back tracking far enough, what are you talki-"

"my family," you gasp. "they're not like me. they're not like me at all, jungkook, but i tried to be like them. my mum's a brain surgeon and my dad's a chemical engineer and my sister's a physics professor in some fancy university and i was gonna be just like them. i was gonna throw out all my paint and charcoal and be medical biologist, but i couldn't do it. i tried so hard for so long, but. but i couldn't do it," you're faintly aware of the tears sliding down your cheeks. "why do you think i'm friends with jimin? or rather, that he's friends with me of all people? we met through mutuals and by the time i dropped out of my science degree he was the only one who would still talk to me. i would have been living out of my car for eight months if it wasn't for him."

"what?" he eyes you frantically. "what do you...?"

"my family renounced me. cut me out of their name, threw away all my stuff, kicked me out the house, removed me from their will. everything you can think of, they did it. they're smart after all." you start to laugh at how ridiculous it all was, even though you're crying, even though you're angry, even though you're conflicted. "we haven't spoken in years."

"wait, just wait a second," jungkook tries to keep up. "they disowned you because you decided to be who you are and not what they wanted? what kind of pathetic idiots would throw away their own kid over something like that?"

"because their reputation is everything," you sigh. "you don't get it, jungkook. the kind of name they made for themselves is some top dog shit. they publish papers and take part in groundbreaking research like it’s a hobby. for them to say that one their esteemed daughters dropped out of university because she wanted to be a painter or some shit is a disgrace to their reputation."

his mouth visibly upturns, like he's tasted something bad. "they're the ones who are the disgrace. god, what fucking assholes!"

"but maybe it's better to be an asshole than a dumb fuck," you wave the drenched envelope mockingly. "look at me! i stood outside in the rain because i couldn't decide if i wanted to post my dad a birthday card or not! they haven't spoken to me in years and i still send them a fucking card every birthday," you cover your forehead, embarrassed just from saying it out loud. "they probably set it on fire the second it gets passed the mailbox! they probably throw it straight in the trash and here i am, still sending it."

"but you didn't," he points out. "you still have it there in your hand, don't you? and it didn't exactly look like you were rushing to get inside when i saw you either."

"well yeah, because i think it finally hit me how stupid i am," you look down at your knees. "i just wanted them to know that i don't forget the important stuff. i'll never forget. if i don't post it today then my dad won't receive it on time for friday, and. god, why am i still calling him my dad when technically he's legally not even my relative anymo-" you wet your lips, shaking your head. "it's been years. it's been years. and they've never replied. the only one that's still holding onto this whole thing and getting hurt by it is me, so maybe...maybe it's time i end it. i've already moved on in every other way and this is the last thing that's left, the last tie i have with them, so...yeah."

you wait for it; the spiel of expletives that usually follows when you divulge your past. how your former family don't deserve you, how you should turn your back on them just as they did to you, how wrong they were and how much better off you are in the long run. all things that you whole-heartedly agreed with, if you didn't you wouldn't be here. but moving on isn't a straight line. forgetting isn't like waiting for a pin to drop.

"i can't believe you're related to such disgusting pieces of shit," jungkook starts, knuckles whitening against the steering wheel. it's the first time you regard him now that you've finished rambling, and you can finally see how livid he looks, his face pinched together angrily. "have they even seen your art, though? just because you aren't talented in the same thing they are you get thrown out? all those fucking degrees and scientific bullshit but they can't even see their children as people, what useless fucks," and then, out of nowhere, "do you want me to turn around?"

your head snaps up. "what?"

"the u turn is coming up," jungkook clarifies, looking over his shoulder to check his blind spot. you stare at him, wait for any indication that he's joking or just fucking with you. he takes your wary expression as hesitation. "i can go in and post it and you can just wait in the car, if you want."

"wh-what..?" you try again, unable to do anything but gawk at him.

jungkook regards your disbelief, sighing curtly. "look, my opinion about those pricks is just that - my opinion. at the end of the day it's your life not mine so i can't tell you to do shit. no one can. so if you want me to turn the car around to go and post that card for you, i will. i can't help you with the other stuff, but i can help you with that."

your eyes well up again, hands shaking like leaves. you hadn't even told jimin about the cards in order to avoid the scorn, and yet here was jungkook. a boy you had only met a handful of times ready to support a decision that even he didn't agree with. the feeling was as relieving as it was...foreign.

he wets his bottom lip while you blink away your tears hastily. "so?"

"no," you say finally. "no, it's okay."

he looks at you seriously. "are you sure?"

you nod. "yeah, i'm sure. could you just, um, take me to jimin's? i think seeing him will help me feel better."

jungkook nods, changing lanes for the new route. "does he know? about the cards, i mean?"

you shake your head with a tiny laugh. "no way, he'd flip a shit if i told him! you know how protective he is, he hates my family more than i do."

"well i'm not exactly far off at this point either," jungkook mutters, and you can't help but smile. it makes him smile too, the gripping feeling in his chest washing away at the sight of your shining teeth and dimpled cheeks. he likes the way you look in his big jumper, hair messy and eyes bright. out of all the sunset pictures he took today, he realises that none of them compare to you in his passenger seat right now. "do you think you'll say anything?"

"nah, there's no need," you pause thoughtfully. "he's making me dinner on friday. to get my mind off it all, you know? sometimes i really don't understand why he does all this for me, but..."

"he loves you," jungkook shrugs, and you can't help but wince like you've been pinched. "he said it himself, you're like family to him."

"really?" you chuckle. "what a sap."

"i told you. the nation's crybaby," jungkook smirks, pulling up outside jimin's place. he reaches out to touch your wrist when you go to remove his hoodie. "don't, you can keep it. don't look at me like that, i have like a hundred-"

"i'll wash it and bring it back to you," you take his hand before he can remove it. "thank you, jungkook."

"don't mention it," he starts, but you shake your head.

"not just for your hoodie," you say, the thrum of your heart suddenly in your ears again. you grip his wrist, tugging him over the console. it's like your body acts without your brain's permission because it's all over in a flash; jungkook's doe eyed face close to yours, your soft lips against his cheek in a short kiss.

his mouth is still hanging open slightly when you jump out his car and wave back cutely. he thinks maybe he imagined it, maybe he's about to wake up any second now. he's not sure why his palms are suddenly clammy and his heart is racing a mile a minute because lord knows getting his cheek kissed is the most innocent thing to take place in this truck, but he can't help it. the smell of you mixed with rain linger in the air and jungkook has to take a second to steady his hands on the wheel, fix his breathing like he's a fifteen year old who's never been within an inch of a girl before. for the first time in years, he panics. 

don't bite off more than you can chew, jimin had said. and suddenly jungkook hears it differently.

[darkredehmption]

Rough And Tumble

#SL #RoughAndTumble

Written by @DamagedBrother and @OfFeatherNFang

***

Malachi:

I wanted to groan at the feeling. As the final rays of sunlight caressed me, the shards peaking over the horizon, I filled my lungs and sighed. After days of trying to sneak past the diligent staff, the Brothers and the Chosen, I’d finally taken a moment to flip my switch, go invisible, and creep out to catch the last of a sunset. Even these precious few minutes fuelled me like no food, no blood, could alone. 

The relief was acute and sweet. I smiled as the last of the light glittered and twinkled, before turning into a twilight glow. It wouldn’t be long before the shutters of the building slid upward, before the household was wide awake and active, and my stream of visitors began. 

Not for much longer, though. As it was, I’d ditched the IVs, the oxygen, and just about anything else that could hobble me to the suite. Free of those, it had been that much easier to ghost my way up to daylight. After all, can you imagine an IV walking itself toward the exit? Yeah. No thanks.

Another plus were the doggen. Once they’d gotten the gist of me, and somehow taken my measurements while I friggin slept, I’d woken to fresh clothes, new boots. My old clothes had been pressed and neatly folded into my pack, which sat on a table in the PT suite, waiting for me. After checking in with my mahmen and reassuring her that I was fine and had, somehow, become a temporary resident of the Brotherhood, she’d said she would think about a return. Phury was tickled pink.

But I digress.

With my healing all but complete - and a little boost from that five minute tan doing wonders - it wouldn’t be long before I was, more than likely, politely asked to vacate the premises. Which was fair. I didn’t live here. I didn’t belong here. I was a hunter, and I needed to get back to the hunt. 

Even if some part of me ached and cringed at the prospect. 

Hitting the tunnel, I mulled over the ache, tried to feel out the cause of it as my brand new and astonishingly comfortable shitkickers hit the floor. It wasn’t like I didn’t have my own band of brothers out there; we were tight knit and if one called? The others answered. I was grateful that the messages on my phone hadn’t been bad news, or a desperate call for aid that I couldn’t provide. For the most part, everyone had been checking in. I’d relayed my status, and the state I was in, and if anything came up nearby, I’d be tapped.

So why did these Brothers, this band of warriors, give me the twisty gut feeling when I thought about leaving? And one specifically…

I stopped dead as I felt eyes on me, and belatedly realized I had not, in fact, gone ghost to return to the PT suite. Hiding a wince, I looked up from my musing into golden eyes. They narrowed ever so slightly, and I could see the question there: what was I doing out here?

“Hey. I was uh… gonna check out that gym you apparently live in,” I managed, my smile lopsided as I lifted a hand to ruffle my hair. “I mean, I’m feeling pretty good now so I figure I’ll be outta here soon. Gotta get that rematch in at some point before I go, right?”

Zsadist:

[I couldn’t help but think about the male in the PT suite. Our last conversation was cut off short and I had made an escape before it continued on. Though suddenly now I wanted to see him. Wanted to ask him more questions. There was something about him. He also didn’t seem to judge me like most do when they meet me. His eyes didn’t stare at the imperfections of my face constantly. He listened when I spoke and even spoke up about himself. Though I definitely felt like there was something big he was hiding. Which seemed to puzzle me. Hell as long as he wasn’t secretly working with the Omega we would be good. Which I find that hard to believe after he just risked his life to help save the Chosens. So what then? My thoughts drift to the shifter. What if...Malys was hunting them? Maybe that was the big secret. I paused when I heard footsteps, lifting my head to see said male walking down the tunnels. The fuck was he doing out of bed?! My gaze locks on his own when he catches me staring.] 

You should be resting. [I mutter as my eyes roam over him. He did look...better. Which causes suspicion to form. This male has been healing for days and now all of a sudden he’s looking better then ever. I raised a brow and tilts my head to the side as my eyes met his again.] You are keeping something from me. From my brothers. I don’t like it. [My distorted lip twitches as I incline my head towards the gym.] But anyway...by all means let’s check it out. [I eyed him up one more time before I turned to enter the gym with Malys close behind. Once inside I start to give a tour of the facility. It’s almost like he was a trainee.] 

So right when you come in there is this door to take you to the locker room. Inside is lockers, benches, a place to shower, and a steam room. The doggens always have fresh towels stocked as well as water bottles. [Points to the refrigerator. Then blinks. Why was I acting like he was staying? Maybe because I wanted him to, but why? What was this…thing causing me to act this way? Shaking the thoughts from my head as I start to move again.] 

We have treadmills…[Blinking I see a broken one that looked like someone ran it into the ground.] Rhage…[I mutter under my breath then snorts as I show you all the weights and different machines.] Just your normal gym. [My shoulders lift in a shrug as my eyes land on the mats. Beside them was a few punching bags.] I stay in this area a lot. I like to do a lot of boxing and what not. [Lifting my gaze to the male, slowly my eyes lowered.] Rematch huh? Not really fair with you being still hurt yeah? Or did you heal miraculously today? [I take a few steps forward, my eyes never leaving his.] Care to explain? 

Malys:

The male was looking at me with every lick of suspicion he possessed, and I honestly didn’t blame him. Earlier in the day I may not have been attached to every machine in the PT Suite that beeped, but I still looked pale and tired and like a good breeze might blow me down. Now? I looked like I’d just missed a good night’s rest. 

His declaration, that I was keeping something from him and the Brothers, punched through the attempted bravado I was conjuring, and for a moment I felt the weight of my confession on the tip of my tongue. Then he was pushing through the door, leaving me with the weight and beginning what sounded like a tour. I followed, my eyes tracking what he indicated, amused when I saw the destroyed treadmill. No surprises there. The males were massive and ran at life head first. Treadmills stood no chance. 

As we got to the boxing bags and equipment, I paused when he turned to me. All questions. All enquiry. I didn’t flinch, but I felt the desire to tell him. I wanted him to know. Even as every instinct continued to shout I had to protect my secret. 

“I think m’ doing a lot better,” I say calmly, glancing down at myself. “Maybe it was psychological? Maybe the Chosen blood finally kicked in?” I shrugged. “But I do feel better. No miracles required.

Stepping closer, I looked from the punching bag to the male and arched a brow. “If I’m not at full strength what would you like to do? Maybe you could show me a few things,” I suggest. “I’m pretty decent at disarming moves. Hand to hand.”

Looking across the room, I took in the mats that they had to be using for close quarters, hand to hand training. I took a step toward it, then another, a small smile of delight on my face. It’d been years since I’d done any training like this. It brought back my younger years, the times spent wrestling with human hunters and all of us drinking as we watched the stars after.

Turning my gaze back to Zsadist, I smiled, the words leaving my mouth before I could think about it. 

“I’m not at full strength, no, but if you’re in the mood I’m keen to stretch a little?” 

Zsadist:

[Snorts at the male. Was he serious? Did he think I was that stupid to believe that bullshit he just spewed. Something was not right here, but I ignored it. For now. Shaking my head as I eyed him up.] Slow your roll. We should start slow. I may be fucked up at times, but I’m not about to put you back into the hospital bed. Besides...I think my twin wants you to introduce your Mahmen to him. 

[Nodding as I move towards the punching bag. I give it a few good punches before I pull back and takes in a deep breath.] I mean…I know you probably have a life to get back to. The hunters...and what not. But...if your Mahmen moves in with the other Chosens. [Tilts my head towards the male.] Then what? [Slamming my fist into the bag, watching as it swings back and forth.] Those hunters...do they really need you? I mean…[Gritting my teeth as I curse under my breath. Why was I being so fucking stupid in front of him? 

I started to hit the bag a few more times, turning to face him. My hand grabbing at the hem of my shirt, tugging it up to wipe a bit of sweat off of my forehead.] What I’m trying to say is that you should join the trainee program. Fight with us. You clearly hate lessers just as much as we do. [My lip twitches, hand moving over my skull trim as I circle him slowly. From hitting the bag around I had an adrenaline rush going. Maybe a little bit of wrestling wouldn’t be so bad. He looked pretty healed to me. Stopping behind him, my eyes roam his body slowly]

Though you do seem to be pretty knowledgeable on taking down lessers. Let me ask you...what kind of weapons do you use when you hunt? [Slowly I take a step forward, calculating each move I make in my head beforehand. Fuck. Why was I so drawn to him? Why did I care if he stayed or not? Pushing the thoughts out of my head as I crouch slightly. Keeping my eyes trained on the back of his head.] 

Mal:

I fought the initial lick of tension; the idea of my mahmen returning to live in another man’s household irking me. But my mahmen hadn’t become the strong woman she was by retreating to another’s household. She’d built her home, her hunters lodge, and she ran it. Hunters respected her. Protected her. In turn, she cared for them. Patched them up and fed them. She would never walk away from that… right?

Watching the male lay into the bag, my eyes rake over him to take in his form, his skill, the force of his punch. I remembered it well enough - my face remembered it acutely. Listening to him, I bit back on my initial snarling reaction. Of course the hunters needed me. We were a family. A team, even when we operated alone. Yet I could see the male struggling with every word. 

“My mahmen created a life for herself away from here. She may visit,” I conceded softly, “but I doubt she will return. As for the hunters…” I took a breath, holding it and then letting it out slowly. “Even when we hunt alone we are a team. If I called, they’d come.”

It might not be the Brotherhood’s version of fighters, but we dealt with the monsters in the dark no one wanted to face and we did a damn decent job of it. Could I leave that, to stay here? The Brothers’ suggestion that I join the trainee program provokes so many reactions in me I struggle to grab onto just one. Then the male decided to flash his abs at me and my thoughts threatened to derail all over again. As the male paced around me, my senses seemed to heighten, my awareness of him acute. I didn’t bother turning to follow him, instead bracing myself, ready for whatever he threw at me. 

“Not to sound rude… but I’m not a ‘trainee’. I don’t need a babysitter,” I murmur, fighting the need to look over my shoulder, to track him with my eyes. “I’ve been hunting worse things than lessers for most of my life… and I hunt them with whatever works against them. Silver blades. Silver bullets. Rock salt shells in a shotgun. Whatever it takes,” I manage, the tension around us building. I wanted him to reach out, to try something. I wanted to show him I was no trainee. 

Zsadist:

[When his head turns I catch his gaze. Locking our eyes with a wide smirk, flashing my fangs. I dematerialize only to take form in front of him.] I know you aren’t...like the trainees we’ve had in the past. You are…[My eyes move over him.] Well past your transition. But sometimes it’s not always so easy with lessers. It’s not more so you learning to fight. It’s you learning how to fight with us. My Brothers and I are a well oiled machine and we face lessers like the other night constantly. Some nights are worse than others. [With that said I disappear again. Only to appear behind him now. 

Quickly I move forward. Lunging at the male to take him down. But it wasn’t as easy as I thought. He was quick. Faster than a lesser that was for sure. When he moved, I did. When I threw a punch he blocked and vice versa until I land a blow at his side. Though he was right there to hit me back with one. My eyes flashed an ever deeper golden hue. 

This was completely different then sparing with my Brothers. Sure, they didn’t hold back. But it wasn’t this intense, and not just in a fighting sense. There was this weird thing that seemed to linger around us and I didn’t understand it at all. None of this made sense but didn’t want it to end. I wanted more. So much more. For the first time in a long time I felt alive. 

When I feel a punch to my face I couldn’t help but let out a powerful growl. My fangs were fully elongated and out on display for him to see. His scent was all around me. Sounds of us panting fill the air mixed with the thumps of his heart. I lick my fangs before I land another blow to his side, one hand gripping at his arm. Holding him in place as I repeat the hit. My head snaps up to lock our eyes. He was looking at me with the same intensity that I was. Who were you Malys? Fuck. Why was this happening to me? To us? Nothing made sense right now but I knew one thing was for sure. I didn’t want him to leave.]

Mal:

Something about having the male’s golden gaze rake over me makes my skin hot, everything tingling in anticipation, though of what I still didn’t know. As he demats back and forth, I can’t help but feel a pang of envy. It’s the one vampiric trick I wish I possessed, but no matter how much my mahmen coached me as a child, I’d never succeeded. 

“Sure, but your trainees here aren’t just learning how to work with you, are they? They’d be learning how to hold a gun and fire it. I don’t need any of that. I don’t need a rehash of my life.”

Since the race had only ever relied on the Brothers for protection, unless self taught, almost every trainee that applied would be learning everything from scratch. Hand to hand combat, knife combat, firearms - all of it. Meanwhile, I had all that, and I wasn’t about to sit in a classroom or stand around a boxing ring relearning shit I knew. 

I felt his presence at my back as he moved again. It was like energy, charged and electric with its intensity. As Zsadist moved, I moved, and the last few days of lying in a hospital bed were forgotten as I made my body react to every hit he delivered. Fighting with the male was different than fighting with anyone else - my heart pounded, my body moved like it never had before, and I was grinning again. Grinning at taking hits, grinning at the feel of his body moving in sync with mine. We’d gone from the prospect of mild disarming to no holds bar.

His hits struck home, the breath almost knocked out of me, and then his eyes were meeting mine. As lightning leapt down my spine, I moved. I seized the wrist of the hand that’d been laying into my ribs and twisted, drawing the male in a swing over my shoulder that took him to the floor. I followed, locking the wrist, my body weight on his as I grinned down at him.

The spark leapt between us again. My heart skipped. For a moment we lay there, panting, the warmth of him searing up into me as every part of me wanted more. I felt relaxed and supercharged all at the same time. His golden eyes were hypnotic as I stared into them. 

My back muscles spasmed. I jerked away from the male, releasing him from the wristlock as alarm replaced the grinning joy of the moment. I fought the surge of my wings from coming into existence. Looking away from Zsadist, from the brilliance of that gilded gaze, I felt my own eyes flickering, the divine threatening to emerge at being so relaxed. What was this Brother doing to me? I’d never struggled with the control of my divine nature. Yet it wanted to emerge now? Fuck!

“Sorry,” I managed, taking a deep breath and pushing it back, pushing everything down. “Something’s aching. You got a few good shots in there. Nicely done…”

This male… what the hell was he doing to me?

Zsadist:

[When I got taken down by the male my eyes went wide. Fuck. Gasping for a breath as I stare up into his intense eyes. What was going on here? And then I felt it. That spark that I had felt before with him. It was a weird feeling. A tingling all over my body before a warmth spreads through me. Everything was on fire and I somehow wanted more. But just as I was about to lean in he pulled away and brought me back to reality. 

I watched as he gave an alarmed look. Like he didn’t want what just happened to happen. And of course why would he? I was disgusting remember? My demons laughed at me. Surrounding me in a circle as they all just pointed and laughed like I was only a few inches tall. Shaking the thoughts from my head, lifting my gaze to the male for a brief second.] 

It’s fine. [I manage to get out. Avoiding his gaze now as I look around the gym. Lifting my shirt once again to wipe the sweat that had taken resident on my forehead. I needed to get out of here and fast. But I couldn’t just ditch the male. Not yet at least. Not after that. It would be awkward as hell.]

Weapons. [I blurt out. Keeping my gaze away from him as I move us out of the gym and over to the room across the hallway. Once inside I take in all the guns wishing I could just take one to my head right now and end all this. Ha. Yeah I was fucked. Scrubbing a hand over my scarred face.] 

Here is where we keep everything. Um...there is a shooting range too if you wanted to try anything out. Guns are handy but I enjoy using my daggers the most. [I was rambling. Scribe make it stop. Pinching the brim of my nose as I let out a breath. I wished another Brother would come in. Please. Hell I’d take Rhage right now over this. Making my way over to the wall of weapons. I opened a few drawers to show him the countless bullets we had on stock.]

There is also throwing stars and some knives. Though the ones that the Brothers and I wear on our chests are different. Vishous hand makes all of them. He is...very talented when it comes to that shit. Getting a weapon made by him is an honor. [Nodding as I lift a hand to rub at my own chest. It was hard to focus on anything right now. Fuck I hope he would take one of these weapons out for practice and I could just leave. Not deal with him ever again. Just completely avoid him until he left the property.]

Mal:

Fuck me. Can we say awkward? I could feel my skin tingling, the muscles twitching in anticipation of flight, as I fought back the urge to fly and followed on two feet. Giving the weapons room the cursory once over, I resisted the urge to pick up a gun, a clip, and vent some of my current frustration right into a target. 

Side eyeing the male as he led me around, I felt a flash of guilt at having turned the tables on him so abruptly. By the set of his shoulders, the way he avoided meeting my gaze, he was probably rightly ticked off with me. I wanted to curse anew as I struggled to find that easy camaraderie we’d had minutes before. But really, what was I going to say? How were our lives even remotely similar to find a common ground conversation?

This compound with its huge facilities and endless supplies was nothing I’d ever experienced. Sure, I could pick up these weapons and shoot them with deadly accuracy, but no gun I’d ever had had been shiny and new, gleaming chrome and black with an endless supply of bullets. My daggers had never been black, or made by a centuries old vampire with a knack for weapons crafting. Hand-me-downs, and pawn shops and sharpening the oldest blades until they could cut like a katana instead of a chainsaw… that was the life I knew. Not this… mansion of expensive tech.

“So crystal eyes makes things that are sharp and pointy,” I said instead, my voice miraculously even. “Seems fitting to his personality type. Do you all have something like that that you do? Some kind of talent?” I wonder, looking around and pulling at my shirt, running a hand over the nearest weapon, before stuffing the wandering digits back into my pants pockets. 

“Did I smell chlorine as well? I mean, not that I should be surprised. If it turned out you guys had your own space station I wouldn’t really be shocked,” I muttered, shaking my head and lifting a hand to rake through my hair, looking down. “You guys are… a far better equipped operation than anything I’ve ever been a part of. I’m pretty sure these clothes the doggen got me are the first time I’ve ever worn something that wasn’t a hand me down or from an op shop.”

Forcing a laugh, I shrugged and turned toward the door. “Oh well. The cards we’re dealt right? Maybe I should go take a swim…”

And hope to fuck it was cold water. Maybe that’d clear my head, help me cool off. Because being around Zsadist wasn’t making things clearer; if anything, I was more confused than ever about who I was and where I was supposed to be. 

Zsadist:

[When he mentions a pool, I raise a brow.] Yeah there is a nice pool. An indoor one and one in the backyard. But it’s closed right now for fall. Though I do believe the ah...hot tub is still running. Yeah. [Scribe, I was so awkward around him. What the fuck just happened in the Gym just now. Why did I have to scare everyone away from me? Scrubbing a hand back and forth across my scarred face before I clear my throat.] 

I think it would be best if you got some rest. Probably should head back to the PT suite. You don’t want to overdo it. True? [I let my eyes meet his one time. One last time. Cause after this I knew that it wouldn’t be smart to continue to see him. He probably was going to leave soon and that would be the last of this male. He had a family and a job to do elsewhere. Holding his gaze for a heartbeat before I peel my eyes away. I let out a soft breath before I turn and practically ran out of the room. 

I head down the tunnels quickly. Hoping that he didn’t pop his head out to say something or try to call me back. It was done with...whatever it was and I needed to focus back onto the Brotherhood and not some random male. Once I make it into the supply closet I pause. There was an ache in my chest. I didn’t understand what was doing with me. What...was this? Lifting a hand to rub my palm over my chest. Leaning against the wall my eyes crack open wide as I hear a door open. Shit no. My eyes rest on bright teal ones. Rhage. He looked at me with a frown. “Z…? You okay?” I quickly nod my head.]

Yeah. I’m good. Um. I think I worked out a little too hard. Speaking of...did you break a treadmill? [I needed something to get the conversation off of me and on to him. Rhage’s cheeks turn slightly red then he grins. “Guilty. But in my defense Mary followed me to the Gym and was looking sexy as hell as she entered the room.” Of course. His mate. Most of the Brothers had mates to come home too. Not me. Nope. And I was completely okay with that. It wasn’t in my cards. Wasn’t meant for me. Even though Phury still tried to push for it every chance he got. Nodding my head at the Brother as I push my thoughts away.] 

That’s fine. Just don’t break anymore, yeah? [He blinks then smiles slowly. “Okay Z. Don’t work yourself too hard.” His large hand landed on my shoulder and I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t prepared for it. My whole body stiffens and I felt the darkness started to consume me. He blinks then quickly removes his hand. “Z...I…” Slowly he frowns and before I can speak. Before I can tell him that it’s not his fault. That I’m the one who is fucked up. I run. Moving quickly out of the room, disappearing to my bedroom where I would spend the rest of the evening.]

Mal:

Zsadist met my eyes again. I felt my heart skip a much needed beat. Then he was turning away and leaving, his feet pounding the pavement to carry him out of the weapons room and back into the tunnel. In seconds, I knew he was gone. 

I didn’t doubt it was thanks to me. My weirdness had definitely rubbed the male the wrong way, and I couldn’t blame him for wanting to get as far from me as he could. The one person in this manse I actually liked to see, and I’d made sure the guy wouldn’t want anything else to do with me. 

Well fucking done Malachi. God damn divinity. 

Shaking my head, I forced myself to walk out into the hall. A stir of the air had me glancing sideways to see Rhage coming toward me. The male was huge and beautifully so; almost unfairly attractive with all the hair and blue eyes and white teeth. Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I inclined my head on the male’s approach. Rather than say anything, he fell into step beside me as I made my way back to the PT suite.

“Taking the tour?” he ask as we reached the door.

I gave an absent nod, still thinking of the last look in those golden eyes.

“Zsadist was showing me the firing range. And the gym. I told him I wanted a rematch,” I managed a rueful smile, one hand on the door as the other went to my ribs. Thankfully the stitches and everything else had come out, only a faint pink line remaining. Z’s hits had left an ache though. One that seemed to stretch up to my chest as well. “The male certainly packs a punch…”

Those teal eyes looked at me, and it was a different kind of look than the one Z had given me. Something considering and curious as a stunning smile curved his lips. Then he was clapping me on the shoulder. 

“Yep. That’s Z. Glad he was showin’ you the place. Glad you’re back up on your feet too. You’ll be just about ready to head out soon, yeah?”

I paused for a moment, then gave a short nod. 

“Most likely, yeah.”

Rhage tilted his head, blonde falling before the blue of his gaze. “You don’t sound keen.”

“No, it’s not that~”

“Maybe,” he interrupted, smiling as he half turned to head back to the gym, “you should talk to Wrath. I mean, incase you want to stay in touch. Help out. Consider the program?”

He gave me a look, and I suspected it was the kind of look that made lesser creatures swoon. And hey, don’t get me wrong, if golden eyes weren’t still taking up ninety percent of my brain space right now, I’d have been more into it. But right now, it just made me pause… and actually think about what he said.

“...yeah,” I said finally, nodding slowly. “Maybe I will.”

[penny4yourthot]

In the Blink of an Eye

Summary: For years, Tig believed that he would spend his life, and his money, finding love with a different woman every night - until he met Erin. She quickly stole his heart and he had never been happier, but all good things have to come to an end eventually, sometimes it's just sooner than you expect. 

Thanks to @ithoughtofthisusername for editing and @red-w00dy for just being you and helping me. 

It had been a perfectly normal morning for one of Charmings many outlaws, Tig Trager. He let out a low groan as the bright sun trickled its way into his bedroom between the cracks of the black curtains that hung over his window. He went a little too hard at the party last night, finishing half a bottle of jack and a six pack before retiring to his room with his old lady.

The familiar smell of coconut filled his nose as he opened his eyes and smiled seeing her brown hair sprawled out across his chest. He loved the way she slept with an arm lazily across his chest and her head right over his heart.

“Erin, are you awake?” he whispered lightly as he nuzzled his head into her long curly locks. He couldn't help but chuckle when he heard a small tired groan leave her lips.

“Rough night last night doll?” he asked with a laugh. Of course, he already knew that answer. He was completely and totally in love with this woman who was able to keep up with him and his clubs drinking habits. She easily downed shot after shot with him half the night. Then, once they retreated to his dorm, they stayed up another couple hours showing each other just how much they loved one another.

“Yeah, maybe a little too rough,” she replied as she looked up at him giving him a wink that drove him completely crazy. Erin sat up and wiped her tired eyes before looking back over at Tig who was staring at her.

“What?” she asked as she raised her arms over her head stretching the kink out of her back.

“Your gorgeous, I'm not allowed to stare at my old lady?”

“Not with that look you aren't, I'm sore from last night,” she chuckled as she got off the bed and started to strip her pajama shorts and panties off.

“But maybe I'll let you join me in the shower.” She winked once more at him and then laughed when she saw how quickly he shot out of bed and rushed into the bathroom behind her.

She reached into the shower before turning it on, making sure it was turned all the way hot, the way she liked it. As she waited for the water to heat up enough she grabbed her and handed Tig his. She was desperate to get the taste of stale alcohol out of her mouth and she was sure he was too.

Once she was satisfied with the minty taste in her mouth, she returned her toothbrush to its rightful place in the holder next to the sink. She turned around and slipped into the shower, letting the hot water run down the length of her body.

“Jesus Christ, how do you shower with the water so damn hot!” he yelled as he followed her into the shower.

“It’s not that hot Tiggy,” she giggled as she washed her hair.

“It feels like the water is being pumped straight out of hell,” he exclaimed as he reached for the handle to turn the water down a bit.

“Such a drama queen Tig,” she laughed as she reached for the bottle of conditioner, getting ready to put it in her hair. He grabbed the bottle gently out of her hands and poured some into his hand.

He massaged the conditioner into her hair. Knowing that she lets it sit in her hair for a few moments, he pulled her tight against him, her back touching his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I love you so much Erin,” he whispered in her ear. It was true, Tig had never loved anyone the way he loved this woman. She honestly wasn't his type; she didn't have blonde hair or seemingly too large breasts in proportion to the rest of her body. She was also very shy and quiet, but once he got a taste of the attitude that she hid behind the shyness, he was hooked.

“I love you too, Tiggy,” she replied as she turned her neck to place a kiss on his cheek. They stood there for a few minutes just embracing each other and, eventually, washing each other.

Tig lived for mornings like this. After being deployed overseas in the Marines for a few years, he needed this; someone to come home to and to keep him grounded when his mind would easily drift off to the things he had seen in combat.

Tig had been home for two years now and Joined SAMCRO immediately after coming back to the US, finding it hard to fit in with anyone. He found a home with the club, most of them were veterans as well, so they all knew the struggles he was having.

Tig met Erin six months into being a prospect; he was called to tow her car to the shop because it wouldn't start. From the moment he laid eyes on the helpless girl, with big green eyes at the only gas station in Charming clad in jean shorts, a red tank top and a pair of run-down converse, he knew he was in trouble.

Tig was planning on proposing to Erin. He had the ring picked out already and hidden away in his sock drawer. Today was the day he would ask her to be his wife and he couldn't wait for that moment to come. He had planned a whole day together, getting breakfast at their favorite diner, going to the lake to relax and swim, which was Erin’s favorite past time. Finally, he would take her to the same place her car broke down, where he met her, and get down on one knee, right there at the gas station, in the middle of town.

He did not care if the gas station was romantic or not; it was the place where he met the love of his life and it was the place where he was going to ask her to marry him.

A half-hour after they got out of the shower, they were ready to leave. Tig had a backpack that he stuffed Erin’s bikini and his swim trunks with a couple of towels along with the ring that he hid down in the bottom of the bag. She had no idea the plans he had for them today and he intended to keep it that way.

“Where are we going?” Erin asked as she walked out of the clubhouse, putting her sunglasses on quickly to shield her hungover eyes from the bright charming sun. She instinctively grabbed Tigs hand as he walked with her to his bike.

“You’ll see,” Tig smiled as he looked over at Erin. He loved the way her jeans hugged her curves perfectly and the way her long brown hair was draped over her shoulders and down her back like a perfect waterfall. He could not help but think he was the luckiest man in the world.

Tig handed the backpack to Erin to wear so it wouldn't be in the way when she held onto him. After they both had their helmets on they climbed on his bike and took off down the small roads of Charming.

Arriving at the diner, Tig backed his bike up to the curb and threw the kickstand up. He grabbed Erin’s hand as they walked into the diner and sat at their favorite table, the one by the window.

“Coffee?” the over-energetic waitress asked, her blonde hair pulled back in a tight bun.

“Yes, please,” Tig and Erin said at the same time. Erin couldn't help but notice the way the waitress was looking Tig up and down with a smirk, not even acknowledging her existence.

Tig noticed her roll her eyes as the waitress walked away.

“Why are you rolling your eyes?”

“She was totally checking you out, acting like I wasn't even here,” Erin joked causing Tig to laugh.

“Well that bitch ain't got shit on you, doll,”  he assured her, grabbing her hands and holding them across the table. He loved the way Erin still blushed when he complimented her even though they had been together for a year and a half.

“So your not going to tell me what we are doing today?” she asked, trying to pry the info out of Tig. She knew he was bad at keeping secrets from her.

“Nope, my lips are sealed,” he over-dramatically replied with a grin.

“Yeah but maybe mine aren't,” She winked. Erin loved teasing him in public, she knew the effect she had on him.

“What's that supposed to mean?” he asked with a shit eating grin on his face. He knew exactly what she meant but wanted to hear her say it.

Before Erin could reply, the waitress came back and set their cups of coffee in front of them and pulled the notepad out of her apron, ready to take their orders. They quickly ordered their food and both laughed when the waitress walked away. This time, Tig noticed the looks he was receiving from her and made sure hold Erin’s hands and caress her arms a bit dramatically.

“Remember the first time we came here?” Tig asked with a grin.

“How could I ever forget? I thought you were insane going to the bathroom then texting me to join you in there. In a place full of people!” She laughed, remembering it like it was yesterday.

“There weren't that many people here doll, it was two AM, just a couple of truckers,” a chuckle escaped his lips as he reminisced about that night.  

“I had only known you a few weeks, most girls would have run out the door and ditched you.”

“Well you aren't like most girls, that's why I love you. You’re so different compared to all the girls I’ve met.”

“Yeah because you're so used to blonde bimbos throwing themselves at you for riding a motorcycle,” Erin laughed. She knew it was true. A few of the crow eaters took a while to adjust to the fact that Tig was off the market when they first started dating. She had seen the multiple attempts they made to try to get with him, but he always pushed them away.

“Hey now,” he put his hands up in defense, “those girls were only after me because of my bike?” He questioned, jokingly.

“No Tiggy, I'm sure there was more they were after,” Erin elaborated.

Their food arrived quickly and they made small take as they scarfed down their food. The two of them were always hungry for greasy breakfast food the morning after drinking so much. After paying for their food, they walked out of the diner, hand in hand. They climbed on the Bike and took off towards their next destination, the lake. They had to take the highway that left Charming to get there as it was in the next town over.

Tig felt Erin put her head on his shoulder to get a better look of the road ahead of them. He looked over at her for just a second, taking in the beauty of her face.

It was when he turned his head back to look at the road that he noticed a deer darting straight in front of the bike. Tig swerved, sending his bike down in the middle of the road. It was a split second, he felt Erin’s grip being pulled away by the force of the bike hitting the road. Tig could feel blood begin to run down his arm from a bad cut.

He didn't have time to process what happened when he heard a loud scream come from the other side of the road. Tigs head shot up faster than ever as he pulled the bike off of his leg. The pain he was feeling was nothing compared to the worry he felt about her.

“Erin!” he screamed as he jumped up and hobbled as fast as he could to the other side of the road. Her leg had been run over by a car and he could see the blood spilling from her wounds. Her arms were scraped up and there was a giant gash on her forehead.

“No, God no, Erin, I'm right here,” he screamed, the tears falling down his face and onto her chest.

“Call 911,” he yelled at the lady who was getting out of the car.

Tig quickly undid his belt from his jeans and applied it on her thigh in an attempt to stop the bleeding from the injury she sustained below. He then put his hands over the gash on her head and applied pressure, his eyes scanning over the rest of her to make sure there were no more wounds.

As he scanned back up her body he couldn't tell if she was breathing or not.  Taking his hands off her head wound momentarily, he placed his, now bloody, hand on her neck checking for a pulse. His heart shattered when he couldn't feel the thump of her heartbeat. His instincts took over as he started CPR on her, counting to ten then giving her two breaths. Something he learned back when he was in the Marines.

“Please baby, d-don't leave me,” he sobbed as he continued compressing her chest.

“I love you, baby,” it was becoming harder for him to breath but he wanted her to hear him. “I need you, I was going to ask you to m-marry me tonight,” he said, his voice faltering with the tightness he felt in his chest. His arms grew tired within minutes of starting CPR, his muscles screaming for more oxygen as it became progressively harder to breathe.

He jumped when he felt an arm around him, looking up it was a paramedic. He was so concentrated on bringing Erin back that he didn't even hear the blaring sirens or see the flashing lights from the ambulance.  

“Sir, we’ve got this. Please step back,” the paramedic said as his partner kneeled down on the other side of her lifeless body. Tig could hardly hear the words that the man spoke, it wasn't until the paramedic physically took Tigs arms off Erin that he truly noticed their presence.

He sat back on the pavement and watched as the paramedics continued CPR and put a backboard under her to lift her onto the ambulance.

“There’s another rig on the way here to pick you up sir,” the paramedic's words burned like fire in Tigs mind. He stood up and hobbled over to the ambulance.

“I'm not leaving her side,” he said as he climbed on and took a seat on the bench next to Erin. He held her hand as one of the medics continued to work on her while the other one sped off to the hospital.

It only took a few minutes to arrive at their destination but, to Tig, it felt like days. He could see the color draining out of Erin's face from the blood loss. He knew the possibility of her coming back was slim, but he would not give up hope. By the time Tig hobbled out of the ambulance and into the room where the doctors continued to work on Erin, he saw the whole club standing in the hall. Unser had called them as soon as he arrived on the scene and saw who the victims of the accident were.

Tig stood there in shock as the doctors and nurses kept up the CPR and pushing medications into the IV that the paramedics inserted in the field. He never really believed in God but he was silently praying as he watched the events unfold in front of his eyes. Pleading with whatever god may exist to not take her away.

He was shaking so intensely, he could hardly stand. He knew he was covered in blood; some of Erin’s and some of his own. He also knew his leg was probably broken. None of that mattered now. He pushed away multiple nurses who tried to help him, his focus on the beautiful brunette who lay still on the table.

He thought about all the plans he had for the two of them. He thought about all the time they had spent together and the amount of love and trust they had. Then, the memory of what happened ran through his head like a movie playing right in front of his eyes. Maybe if his vision never left the road, this wouldn't have happened. Tig’s thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the words of the doctor who was in charge of running the code.

“Time of death, 11:32 am.” The words no one ever wants to hear, the ones that cut through your heart like a knife cuts through butter.

“No, No keep going! You have to save her!” Tig screamed, hardly able to keep standing as he felt a stabbing feeling in his chest.

“Mr. Trager we have done CPR for over thirty minutes, with the amount of blood loss and the trauma of hitting her head, there is nothing more we can do. I am so sorry for your loss,” the doctor replied as if it was a rehearsed statement; something they say to all the families of the lost loved ones.

“Sorry doesn't mean shit,” Tig said as he ran up to Erin and tried to continue the CPR on her.

“Mr. Trager, she was more than likely killed directly on impact, she didn't feel any pain,” the doctor said as Tig felt arms pulling him away from his attempt to revive Erin again. He turned around to see his best friend, Clay, standing there.

“She’s gone man,” he said, looking Tig directly in the eyes. The tears that spilled out of his bright blue orbs burned as they ran through the cuts down his face. He knew she was gone. He didn't want to accept it though. The doctors and nurses all left the room like they were leaving the stage at the end of the shittiest play Tig had ever seen.

“I need some time alone with her,” Tig choked out. Clay hugged him and then walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Tig pulled up a chair next to the bed where she laid lifeless in front of him. The chair next to him held the backpack that Erin had on earlier that he pried off of her back before initiating CPR. He opened the bag and reached down to the bottom, surprised to feel the box that held the ring undamaged from the accident.

He pulled the ring out and slid it on to her finger.

“I love you so much Erin, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you,” Tig could hardly get the words out over the tears, but this was something he had to do.

“I’m so happy we met. I've l-loved every minute we spent together, and I'm sorry this all happened. we should have taken a different road or your car. It should be me lying there,” he sobbed, the feeling of loss hitting every cell in his body. He looked at her face, covered in dried blood and cuts. The once rosy cheeks that he loved were now pale white and cold. He held her hand and sobbed over her chest.

He didn't know how long he laid over her but he was interrupted by the soft knock on the door from a nurse who had come to check on him. He knew it was time to let her go, the pain he felt from the accident starting to make its way up his body as his adrenaline slowly faded. He placed a soft kiss on her lips and followed the nurse out of the room.

Tig wasn't sure if this was reality or just a fucked up nightmare. He prayed that he would be waking up with Erin still in his arms. With every passing minute, he knew the possibility of this being a dream was less and less. After the nurses and doctors patched him up and cast his broken leg, he was discharged from the hospital.

He immediately retreated into his dorm room, ignoring everyone in the clubhouse. He sat on his bed and when he smelled that coconut shampoo on his pillow he lost it again. It only took a single tear to break the dam that held back all his emotions. He ran to the bathroom and hugged the toilet, vomiting.

How could he go on without the light of his life? The one who made it all okay, even when it wasn't. He grabbed a paper towel and wiped his mouth, then discarded it in the garbage bin, a pink box grabbing his attention as it lay in the bin.

It was a box that previously housed three pregnancy tests. He immediately took the bin and dumped the continents on the floor. He saw three white sticks fall out. He picked them all up and held them in his hand. The two pink lines he saw on each test hit him like two bullets to the chest.

She was pregnant. The thought of having a baby with Erin put a small smile on his face until reality came crashing back to him when he saw the scrapes and bruises on his hand from the accident. She was gone. They were gone. Tig threw the tests against the wall and pulled his hands to his face. His eyes hurt from crying but he couldn't help the tears that fell.

One minute he had everything he needed in life and, in the blink of an eye, it was all taken away from him like a cruel game that he didn’t want to play anymore. He didn't know how to live life without her and he knew he would never forget her beautiful face no matter how hard he tried to push it away.