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gamblersdoll · 3 months

Text

an: this one may not be suitable for all readers

sometimes you were a nasty bitch. like, really, really a nasty bitch.

so nasty to where you tended to like being called a slut, some cockdrunk whore from down the street who loves big men.

so nasty to where you loved being spat on, a man so mean to you and pulling at your hair like handlebars. even when your black tears of mascara dripped down your face.

so nasty to where you had fantasies about your boss bending you over his desk and fucking into you for such a raise, it became a one time thing.

so nasty that youre fucking your best friends father. and not only that, your friends father knew you for so, so long.

you had came back from college, coming home for summer break and seeing all of your old friends from highschool. of course, you had to see your best friend, megumi.

megumi and you were tight, staying together as best friends since you were practically kids was the longest relationship youve ever even had. of course, there was ups and downs, but its reality.

you had came home only last week, settling in at megumis house because yours was full of people your sibling had over. you, knowing that megumi’s house was your second home, went there second.

and to your disappointment, megumi was staying at yuuji’s house for a bit. no biggie, you knew his father well enough. toji was more the quiet and speak when spoken to type. ever so rarely would he speak first, but when he did it was sometimes either sarcastic or serious.

“you can stay in megumi’s room, you know where its at.” he pointed, not facing you and only finding his shoes to go off to his gym for that couple of hours.

that was a mere day ago when that was said.

sometimes toji did want to just ramble, so every now and again, hed just start a conversation with you when both are in the kitchen.

“yeah, megumi’s mother and i had divorced a couple of years ago. it was stressful, to say. but sometimes that just happens.” he vented, not seeming too fazed by it. he was somewhat right, marriages did come with divorce too, but its all about the persons.

“im sorry to hear.” you mumble, fingers tapping on the mason jar. “on a brighter note! how have you been this week?” you try to change subject, usually being great at this.

“ive been good.” he blankly says back, washing whatever dishes could be in the sink and occasionally looking at you. god, youve grown up so much— and fast too. he remembers when you were just barely moving here and you befriending megumi.

was it wrong that he was looking at his sons friend like this? maybe. and was it wrong you were somewhat looking at his print too? definitely.

that was almost four days ago when that was said.

you both were more open to conversations, both bored and of course megumi was coming over any time soon. so what harm was in having a conversation with his father?

“im glad you passed, youve always been great with color guard.” he praises, a small smile until he involuntarily licks at his scar.

things like that could make a girl hot and bothered. no, thats wrong. thats nasty.

but you could feel his lingering eyes on your grown up body, seeing the curves you developed and the pretty ass thighs you got from the slight athleticism. youre shaped so good, could make a grown man hot and bothered.

“you know..” he trails off, finally peeling his eyes from you and then staring at his phone again.

the relationship between you two spirals, soft touches that can be seen as innocent, but only you two know what either of your actions mean. and because of toji having to be a single dad at some point, his cooking could speak volumes. volumes that you could fuck him good with.

that was a week ago.

you were really some nasty bitch that was hidden with your face and mouth.

telling by the way you sat back, legs spread wide and toji having his face in your cunt.

“how the fuck do you taste even sweeter when i go back for it..?” he growls the question, hands supporting under your thighs to keep them apart. “so fucking wet.”

your moans vibrated in your throat, fingers in his hair and tugging so tight when he gets that good spot on your clit. the spot that makes you snap your legs closed and had you cross eyed.

he chuckles meanly, tongue flicking at your clit and he spitting the arousal mixed fluids back onto you.

until he hears a door open, him stopping and putting a hand over your mouth. he glares at you for a second, “hush.” he says.

“dad!?” megumi yells through the house, your heart stopping and nervous.

“yeah? what you doin home so early?” he yells back, his thumb giving small circles on your clit. he listens to megumi, then smiling evilly and chuckling. “well, just came home from gym so im showerin’!”

words exchanged, he goes back to laughing a bit. you couldnt find this funny, what if he catches you both and tells everyone?

“what are you freaking out about?” he looks and asks, dumbfounded face apparent.

“what about megumi, your ex wife finding out?” you whisper shout, nerves bad and jittery.

“well, they was gonna have to find out, somehow.” he shrugs, eyes lowering to you and. hell no, you couldnt risk that.

you start to gather your clothes, or at least attempt to. “mm–no you dont, come here.” he softly says, hands on your hips and face going back to your clit. “oh, im going to have so much fucking fun with you.”

you bite your lip, eyes squeezed shut when he goes back to slurping your clit and tugging at his hair. “toji, what if i get too loud?” you try to say, almost cut off by a moan.

“i dont fuckin’ care.” he says quick, pulling himself away from your clit. he looks to your panties, grabbing the pair and shoving them in your mouth. “you are the one who has to be quiet.”

you moan soft, toes feeling like to cramp because of the hard curls. “you have a choice to make.” he says in between sucks and slurps. “either you can stay here.. cunt open, legs spread wide–“ he says, but pulls you back in when you squirm, “aht aht, dont you go anywhere.” he says, kissing your clit and sucking while his tongue goes in and out of your walls.

“either you can stay here, cunt open.. legs spread wide.” he repeats, he kissing your clit and labia. “and cum on my fucking tongue..” he starts again, “or you can make me stop.” he goes for your nipple, fingers pinching at the bud, “ill pull my tongue out of your cunt..”

“and you can put your clothes back on and pretend like nothing happened.” he says mouthful of pussy, hand’s massaging your thighs.

he pulls away, looking up at you. “whaddaya’ want?” he asks, chin and nose glossy from spit and cum.

you try to pull his head back down, him being awfully stronger than you and he laughing. “thats my good girl.” he laughs again, leaning up to kiss you. a growl forms, “fuck!” he says in anticipation.

“dad? you good?” megumi shouts out, concern but uninterested as well.

“yeah, slammed my toe.” toji shouts back, mental focus back to your cunny and his eyes rolling back from the sensory overload. megumi doesnt show back, both of you hearing him leave the house and car cranking up.

“get on your belly.” he says, yanking the panties from your mouth and flipping you over. you chirp, ass getting goosebumps from the exposed air hitting it.

“gunna fill your belly with my hot fucking cum.”

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the-s1lly-corner · 9 months

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Are request still open? Can I have Reader x Caine Jax Ragatha and Kinger with a Reader thats a Centipede? Like Upper body is humanoid but Lower body is Bug?

Caine, Jax, Ragatha, and Kinger x centipede!reader !

requests are still open! theyve just been slow and the ones that have been sent in i had to delete due to them blatantly(?) rules ive repeated loads of time (mostly NSFW) </3 hope you like this anon! couldnt think of many romantic ideas for ragatha unfortunately </3

CAINE:

he thinks you look cool! probably tries to count how many legs you have to see if youre truly a centipede, more so does this for display rather than actual curiosity though... i think if you have any cool colors or patterns on your bug bits he might change his suit to match with you! probably makes you climb along walls in order to come get him... in fact i can easily see him making IHAs that utilize your climbing ability! legitmately gets mesmerized when he watches you walk because of all your legs just. smoothly... moving. yeah moving! if you have antennae i think he would lightly inquire about them and if they actually function... probably gives you bug based nicknames !

RAGATHA:

writing ragathas piece first but i think it should be obvious that in the beginning she would be a little put off by you for... reasons.. dont get me wrong i think she would feel bad for avoiding you... i mean shes still kind and polite to you when you guys do interact. i think overtime she either gets used to you or you bluntly ask her if she doesnt like you.. which may or may not make her feel even more guilty for her avoidance...

as for actual relationship stuff? simply because of ragathas fear of centipedes it would take her a while to warm up to you, and even longer for a relationship to blossom. usually for characters with long bodies, id propose cuddles where they wrap themselves around their partner... but i think that would genuinely make ragatha panic.. not many ideas here for romance since your form is a constant reminder of her phobia; even if its not your fault

JAX:

another one that give you bug based nicknames but the way in which he says them has a mix of... mischief...? teasing...? something like that, whereas with caine he mostly says it with full adoration. jax... isnt much of a lovey dovey person.. probably messes with your antennae by poking them... kind of smirks if they involuntarily move away from his hand/finger. sits and does that for as long as you two are sitting next to one another; pulls the "im not touching you" thing if you (light heartedly) ask him to stop. imagine you were already in the circus when the pilot occurs and when jax brings up the centipedes he was referring to you... implies youre locked in ragathas room during the pilot oblivious to everything going on/j idk this was funnier in my head.. probably uses you as a running gag for that with ragathas whole... centipede thing

KINGER:

also counts your legs but actually does it for curiosity probably really impressed if you actually have the appropriate number of legs for a centipede! probably tries to figure out what kind you are if you mirror a real world species! ...would it be weird to ask you to go look for bugs with him..? probably awkwardly pets/rubs the top of your head between your antennae, probably lets out an airy chuckle if they flick from his action.. oh please please wrap your body around him when you guys cuddle...! it makes him feel so secure when you do that, plus the added weight around/on him helps him wind down after a chaotic day in the circus! weighted blanket but its your partner, how sweet

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #caine imagine #ragatha x you #ragatha x reader #ragatha imagine #jax x reader #jax x you #jax imagine #kinger x you #kinger x reader #kinger imagine

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jolapeno · 2 years

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hi!! ive always loved your writing so much and i was hoping that for #mmvalentines event you’d be willing to write about ghost instinctively pressing his hands against helen’s cheek as she passionately rave, only for her to stop talking and gape, completely distracted by the lack of distance. (took this from the second promt list bc its so cute)

anyway i hope you have a really good valentines day and february and remember to stay hydrated and happy!!

just the softest touch

simon ‘ghost’ riley x f!reader (helen!reader)

“—and then, they had the nerve to ask me what I knew, Simon? So, naturally I told them—“

He strips his gloves from his fingers, air rushing to brush over his skin. As each part meets it, he feels the hairs stand up, only half-listening as she continues.

She’s been talking for eleven minutes straight, showing no sign of stopping either. All he’d asked was what he’d missed since he’d been away—and apparently it had been a lot.

Not that he cares if she doesn’t stop talking for an hour. Ghost would never tire of her or her voice—even if it’s all he heard and nothing else.

But, there’s something extra special about Helen when she’s animated—when her voice is that pitch higher and her hands are doing wild gestures as she talks.

Passion.

It stands in the space between them. Thrumming and vibrating. Desperate to show him, and anyone else who will listen, how much she cares—how much she still cares. The bad, long days are forgotten in moments like this, and—if he lets himself—it makes him fall in love with her all over again.

“—but then, after they decided to look ashamed, I said—“

His heart is full of her. Crammed to the edges, the love he feels almost bursting out at the seams.

It’s something he never expected—never banked on. He’d lost so much already. Had it ripped from him. Purposefully taken from.

Simon hadn’t been sure if he could cope with another loss, but Ghost found her anyway. Let her see him, let her fingers brush over his skin all over again, and went back time and time again until Simon couldn’t breathe without her.

Slowly, he lifts his palms, pressing them to her cheeks as he feels her words as much as hears them. It’s the reason he feels them softly fade, wilting on her tongue as she looks up at him—eyes full of energy, as her mouth remains apart.

It must dawn on her how close they are because she blinks several times. Her eyes fixed on him, twinkling with the passion she’d just been laying into the air.

“Hi…”

“Hi, Helen.”

Fuck, he loves her. With all of his heart, his hopes and his dreams.

Turning her head, she presses a kiss to his wrist—soft, and sweet. “Sorry… I was, chewing your ear off again wasn’t I?”

“Don’t mind.”

Her brow arches, and he wants to press a kiss between to it to smooth it out. He doesn’t. Just runs his thumbs across her cheeks as her own hand's press against them.

“Yeah?” she whispers. “You sure?”

Almost afraid of saying it any louder.

He nods. “Carry on, Helen. Was enjoyin’ y’story.”

Her eyes twinkle lie, but her lips don’t say it. Smirking softly, before pressing another kiss to his wrist before continuing, his hands falling to his sides.

Ghost finds a spot to lean, to fold his arms and listen to her again. Smiling to himself behind the mask, thankful he gets another chance to listen to her—to hear her voice.

Not caring that his muscles ache or that bruises are blooming. Just wanting to hear her, to see her—to do both simultaneously as she occasionally shoots him that wicked smile.

The one which says she loves him, the one he can’t help but mirror, even behind black fabric.

#mmvalentinesevent #mm valentines event #cod ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x f!reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ‘ghost’ riley x reader #simon ‘ghost’ riley #simon ghost riley #ghost x helen #simon x helen #ghost x reader #ghost riley x reader #cod x reader #ghost cod mw2 #ghost cod #ghost cod x reader #ghost riley #simon riley x reader

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 2 years

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sorry i have to brainfart this somewhere but mersault chuuya wearing almost damn near similar clothing to his youth got me thinking about dazai and chuuya's fashion choices.

dazai, in all the eras where he was in the mafia....never changes his outfit. it fitting, given his character and such.....so his ada outfit makes him look like a rainbow. dark blue vest, blue gem(?) bolo tie, striped shirt and a tan coat similar to oda's. i think it's cool, to show the stark contrast between his pm days and how he's faring now, aswell to show how much effect oda had on him.

chuuya.....is the complete opposite. boy changes his clothes all the time. but it's so interesting.

his fifteen outfit is very "him" in a sense. street kid, street kid style- red shirt, grey hoodie, green leather jacket, bright blue sheep armband. he fits right in with the rest of the sheep, and hes so...colorful here. almost similar to ada dazai's outfit. and then theres the outfit he wears in the mafia- the first one we saw back in the manga where he seems to be wearing like a..."beta" version of his current outift- but the way it was drawn (disregarding the anime for a second) it looks like its almost ill fitting for him. the vest is too big, the coat looks so heavy, the tie isnt properly tucked, and his pants are baggy. like hes struggling to "fit in".

then theres sb outfit- hes wearing the standard mafia outfit like higuchi, but with his own touches- rolled up sleeves, glasses tucked in his breastpocket, choker, gloves. its not much, but even higuchi doesnt do anything to hers. we kinda see him "getting into" the mafia work, and theres no pop of color here. the dragon head conflict outift is different though- hes wearing clothes that are "his style" again. simple shirt, jacket, choker, gloves. he also has his red petticoat (i think thats what it is? whatever that long cloth underneath his jacket) that, once again, gives him some color. i dunno what spured the outfit change, but i honestly think the red color is his own touch- his own "color"

and then current chuuya. no color at all, maybe safe from the ribbon on his hat. he wears his coat on his shoulders, similar to pm dazai. (also, slight off tangent here- he always loses his coat whenever hes dealing with dazai?? i think?? which is. interesting. given with how glued pm dazai's coat is to his own shoulders. like he actively takes it off/gets it taken off and i SWEAR this only even happens when hes with dazai. idk. ever since asagiri said beast dazai wearing his coat fully to signify him accepting his role as the pm boss ive been. thinking about it. a lot.)

where was i going with this?? oh yeah. why is mersault chuuya wearing his old clothes?? specifically fifteen clothes? like was it his off day or something. bc if you look at chuuyas various outfit as his progression towards the mafia then him wearing his old non mafia clothes either means two things : 1. this is to signify chuuya, under vampire influnce, is well. obviously not loyal to the mafia atm. or 2. something might happen in the future that makes him swear allegiance to someone else which i dont find possible but??? who knows. im overthinking this

Oh my god I opened my asks to find this monster in here and scrolled through it like ?????????

Please feel free to do this anytime this was an absolute joy to read hahaha

"dazai, in all the eras where he was in the mafia....never changes his outfit." His outfit stays pretty similar, you're right, though he does actually change it once during his mafia days. The left image is the outfit he wears in Fifteen and Stormbringer, while the right is what he wears in DHC and Dark Era.

The difference is the blazer jacket he adds under his coat. It's a minimal change but I think it's significant. I mentioned in this post how I believe the change might be related to his change in pronoun from boku to watashi, but really it's more the added layer of distance that makes this significant. Dazai just looks a little... odd, in the first outfit. The coat hangs off him loosely, his shirt is a little baggy. He looks very boyish, and that makes his deceptive tendencies and deeply concerning outlook all the more disturbing to others.

The second outfit makes one change but his clothes now look like they fit him (still with the exception of the coat, which never fit and never will... in this universe anyways. You mentioned Beast so... you know already hehe). In the case of the second outfit, he looks more mature and formal, which lends itself to a person who withdrew further and further away from people (with the exception of the other two at Bar Lupin); who became a terrifying executive in other's eyes, moving away from the "creepy intelligent child" image he had earlier - even though he is still very much a kid. No one knows Dazai - I think the added image of formality and authority here is just one of the many barriers he constructed to keep people from getting too close.

"so his ada outfit makes him look like a rainbow. dark blue vest, blue gem(?) bolo tie, striped shirt and a tan coat similar to oda's."

hjdfvbdjf rainbow - entering his no longer closeted gay era (sorry lol i couldn't resist)

No but you're right about the coat looking a bit like Oda's. He cared for and respected that man like no other and I think when Dazai thinks of "a good person" Oda is the first person who comes to mind. His shirt in the manga is also stripy like Oda's, a little detail that got lost in the anime. :')

"his fifteen outfit is very "him" in a sense. street kid, street kid style- red shirt, grey hoodie, green leather jacket, bright blue sheep armband. he fits right in with the rest of the sheep, and hes so...colorful here."

Yeah. He looks every bit the street kid and blends with the Sheep near perfectly - more than fitting in though, I think it's more than implied that he wants to fit in and changes his look to do so. Chuuya goes to great lengths to give the appearance of fitting in - because he never felt like he truly did (and certainly the Sheep did not treat him like an equal or a friend).

"and then theres the outfit he wears in the mafia- the first one we saw back in the manga where he seems to be wearing like a..."beta" version of his current outfit- but the way it was drawn (disregarding the anime for a second) it looks like its almost ill fitting for him. the vest is too big, the coat looks so heavy, the tie isnt properly tucked, and his pants are baggy. like hes struggling to "fit in"."

YES you get it!! And adding onto that, Chuuya doesn't really have a lot of reason to want to fit in yet. He hasn't found his personal groove yet, because he has little personal attachment to the mafia at this point in time.

Yeah in Stormbringer he's got a few personal touches but is still pretty non-descript (though you're right, it's much more than Higuchi... something to think about for her character too, and how it seems the mafia may be more of a job than an investment to her). By Dead Apple though, Chuuya's outfit is... well, back to his punk vibes, just a little more mafia-classy, I guess. (I don't know fashion I'm sorry, please don't kill me)

"but i honestly think the red color is his own touch- his own "color""

Red makes a lot of sense as a colour for Chuuya. It's energetic, emotional, fierce and aggressive. It's also considered protective, so yeah it suits him for sure. Red clothes, red ability... red camellias...

"and then current chuuya. no color at all, maybe safe from the ribbon on his hat." Ooo ok. So in the anime, this is true but in the manga, I believe his vest is actually a pale red.

Well. Brown with red undertones. Your point still stands though because the colour is very muted. It's not like Fifteen or DHC Chuuya for sure.

"(also, slight off tangent here- he always loses his coat whenever hes dealing with dazai?? i think?? which is. interesting. given with how glued pm dazai's coat is to his own shoulders. like he actively takes it off/gets it taken off and i SWEAR this only even happens when hes with dazai. idk. ever since asagiri said beast dazai wearing his coat fully to signify him accepting his role as the pm boss ive been. thinking about it. a lot.)"

Oh. Thinking on this. Um. Embarrassed to say - I don't think I noticed that actually. Like obviously he loses the coat a lot and that was already something to think on but... only around Dazai, is that right? Hold on, I'm gonna check.

Ok so my check wasn't super thorough (read: I am too tired and drained to go through each and every panel he appears in) but...

By god, I think you're right.

That's. Hm. I'm going to join you on thinking about that for awhile.

I see the coat as a representation of his role and responsibility he takes on, really, so it's interesting that the formality and symbolism of his service to the mafia gets quite literally discarded in the scenes with his foil and equal. Fascinating.

He's also not wearing it in any of these now infamous panels from Chapter 101:

Huh. Well. Thank you anon. You've just given me a whole new thing to whir about.

"why is mersault chuuya wearing his old clothes?? specifically fifteen clothes?"

Honestly, I'm still waiting to figure this out too.

Because of the purplish hue over this piece of new art, I find it hard to tell what the actual colours of his outfit are but it does look awfully similar to his Fifteen outfit. It could just be his "day-off" outfit but I think there's got to be more to it than that. It could have to do with allegiance, like you suggested. May I also suggest the return to a sense of inhumanity?

These are also the clothes he wore when his journey to find answers on himself began. Might he be entering a new arc where he has to "find" himself again?

I still feel we don't have enough information to make a solid judgement. As the meursault pov continues, I think we'll have a better reason as to why he's dressed like this.

#thanks for the ask!#feel free to dump thoughts at any time whoever you are anon this was so fun #also i'm so annoyed with myself that i didn't notice that bit about the coat earlier but also so happy you pointed that out!#things to think about when i am less tired...#bsd #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #soukoku #skk #storyrambles #as always if i screwed up somewhere... just tell me. rip the bandage off lol

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vivaladicamillo · 1 year

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Dude! I need a smutty and fluffy Headcannon of Ryan taking care of the reader who is his girlfriend and a female cast mate while she’s drunk as hell while out with the guys

RYAN DUNN TAKING CARE OF A DRUNK!READER

ive been super duper sick these past days and now that i actually have free time i can write abt ryan !!!!! i love him literally so much thank u for requesting this!!!

WARNINGS: talks of alcohol, drunk sex, and cursing

———————————————————

SFW:

ok so yall are out with the guys

yall prob go to some cheap ass bar just to drink yk

turns out you had a little too many

nah a little is a understatement

u were stumbling, slurring and obviously wasted

ryan takes notice of this right away

bam starts picking on u and yk, being bam

“u cant hold ur alcohol for shit y/n”

ryan has to get him to stop so he can take u home

ryan would take u home ( or carry bc u literally cant stand up )

he finds out ur a very touchy person when ur drunk

not jn a weird way tho

just hugging and rambling abt how cool ryan is and how hes the best

even though ur literally talking to ryan

he thinks its cute

“nonono u don understand, dunn is literally the BEST person like ever to exist~”. “trust me y/n i understand” he says through a chuckle

will either go through ur draws to find you something to wear to sleep if ur at ur home or give u some on his old boxers and a old le tigre band tee he has

lets u go get changed (if u can) if not he will help u

he just wants u to he safe and comfortable

he will tuck u into bed and put medicine and a glass of water next to ur bedside just bc he knows ur gonna be FUCKEDD in the morning

will sleep on the couch even if its ur house just so he knows ur ok in the morning and don’t accidentally choke on ur vomit or something like that

hes definitely a over thinker when it comes to that stuff

NSFW:

ok different scene here

yall end up going to ryans hpuse just to hang and watch a movie or something

ofc u guys had some drinks

and ofc yall end up getting wasted

at this point in the night the movie is long over

u guys are just cracking jokes and laughing and just talking

he probably ends up accidentally confessing first

“ heheh, you know y/n ur like the most perfect person ever.” “ryyyyy stawppp thats not truee” “absolutely it is, everything about u is perfect, ur personality, ur looks, ur humor..”

god he will go on and on abt how ur perfect and how he really does love u

“well y/n.. i’ve actually liked u fooooorr quite some time now ive just had zero confidence to tell you” he says slurring

ur kinda taken aback

ryan mother fucking dunn

LIKES U??

the kid who u have liked since highschool LIKES U??

u admit that u have had a mega crush on him for a while now

but he honestly wasnt even paying attention to ur speech

hes just admiring you

and ur lips

mostly ur lips

“y/n,, can i kiss u right now?”

you two end up making out on his couch

then he carries u to the bedroom

i personally think ryan is sweet as can be during sex sober but drunk ryan is A WHOLE NEW LEVEL

hes just a wreck when it comes to u

he would literally do anything for u

lots and lots of grabbing and touching

he just wants to stay like this with u forever

sloppy kisses is a must

also A LOT OF PRAISE

i feel like when hes drunk though he just fucks faster yk?

he goes as a faster pace then he normally would

he also probably doesnt last as long as he usually does

u just feel so good how could he resist

cums on ur stomach or in a condom if hes wearing one.

is probably gonna pick uo a random old shirt on the ground and clean u up with it

HES A STINKY GUY WHAT DID U EXPECT??

after that, u will be stuck in a bear hug the rest of the night

lots of forehead and cheek kisses too

the next morning yall honestly don’t remember the night before

so waking up in ryans arms is a bit of a surprise at first

but when he wakes up and smiles at you

you feel happy

you finally got him, the guy u always wanted, and it only took some liquid courage to do so

———————————————————

hopefully i did think correctly and right 🙏 making more ryan hcs soon

#god i love him #omg i miss ryan :(#i need a man like him frfr #jackass #cky crew #cky x reader #ryan dunn #cky4 #cky2k #cky3 #cky clip #ryan dunn x reader #ryan dunn x reader smut

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theroadtosomewhere · 21 days

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Writer Interview Game!

Tagged by @azapofinspiration yippeeeeeeee

When did you start writing?

Mmmmm.... first story I wrote properly was in 2014, little primary school lad who got marked well on a story in class and it ended up on a lil notice board which little me was like oH. It was a 10 year old's excuse for a horror story but it does make me laugh to think that I went from that to wattpad within months, back when it wasnt behind a paywall. My first original was on wattpad in maybe 2016 and after that I was really into LoZ and BBC Sherlock so there was some fanfics there. My longest (unfinished) original story was built off a plot that I created for a LoZ fanfic and I was still very active in writing it up until three years ago, so there was a solid 6-7 years spent with that lol.

End of 2022 I started reading abt skk on ao3 without ever having watched the show (shoutout athena and moxie p sure i read some of yours first lmfao every skker ever) and started writing my first few skk fics without ever having watched the show OR read the manga. Before that though the thing that got me onto writing for/on ao3 was Narumitsu!!! my babes one day i will finish that first fic (blackmadhi yesssssssss if you wanna see my cringe from pre bsd thats it lol).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

god..... too many..... its been a long time since ive sat down to read properly, and even during school i would not have considered myself a book nerd by any means (mostly because i was juggling time between school and extra-curriculars.)

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

When I was in highschool, my writing style (based on the original mentioned above) was compared to Marcus Zusac before I'd even read a book of his. That was pretty nice. Same with Neil Gaiman but that is too high praise for me to accept considering i now write either about gay lawyers or gay mafioso x ex-mafioso soooooooooooo. not sure any of that would come through in my writing these days.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Literally write wherever I can. In my room, at my desk, on the bus or train, during breaks at work and in class at uni (responsible i know). Wind, rain or shine, if i have an idea (or not even) i'll jot down an idea or vaguely edit something. The process is process-ing!!!!

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hehehehehehehe......maladaptive daydreaming..........

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I LOVE THIS OKAY. SO. typical projection stuff incoming. I feel like most if not everyone has a highschool horror story and up until like a year or so ago i was like!!! it wasnt that bad!!!! (it was, emotionally at least). The aforementioned original story and its characters changed a LOT overtime lol. when I hit my last year of highschool, i'd had some time away from writing and when i read over it, it was crazy to see not only what my mental state had been through my writing, but to see my own coping mechanisms written between the lines before i even knew what they were/that i did them! Won't go into too much detail about that but I did experience dissociation and anxiety etc which I only began to address in my last year of school, so going back and reading it with a clearer head was like wow okay. that was real!

That being said! Hurt/comfort my beloved. The unloved being loved. Second chances. Do with that what you will.

What is your reason for writing?

Initially i started writing for fun, but during highschool as things got a little worse, i fell into the characters i created and i can look back now fondly and think...thank you. i still dont know if i want to touch the story because its one of the last things i have left from a time past that may not have been positive, but the experience of writing and developing the characters alongside myself back then is just sighs :') sometimes i miss that girl.

First for enjoyment, second as a way of staying sane, and now i'd say its a mixture of both. My writing is my love letter to whatever I'm writing about. I do love sharing too. Right audience and all that :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I can write particular characters' inner voices quite well, which is always a compliment :')

I think my own strength as a writer is also the weakness, which is to say that a project is never finished. Even when there's something out there and up on the interwebs for people to see, there's a good chance that if you check back months later, something has been edited or changed. I do have issues with perfectionism at times, but weirdly enough its not a negative thing when i apply it to my writing. I enjoy the process of seeing the stories i write change.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Good most days. I experiment quite a bit with ideas and writing styles/formatting so I will leave it at that lol.

Tagging @calmlb and @samtheboyfailure if y'all want :)

#bsd #ao3 writer #creative writing #writer stuff

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x3kristax3 · 2 years

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Eternal love - Chapter 3

It's been a few weeks since the drunk night with Dan and Jessy, things seem to be going back to normal. Surprisingly Hannah and Lilly still reach out to talk to me and check on me. This I wasn't expecting as he is their brother. We decided to all meet up at the Aurora and honestly I need this night after the weeks of working nonstop to keep my mind busy. I haven't thought about dating but Jessy keeps telling me that Phil is asking about me.

I throw on a pair of black jeans and a croptop with my hair curled and knee high boots. I look in the mirror and let out a sigh. I would normally wear a leather jacket with this outfit for him but tonight I decided against it as it's a bit warmer than it's been. I touch up my makeup from the day and call a cab to head over there.

I walk in to the Aurora and I instantly hear the gangs laughter and I can't help but smile. I head up to the bar and Phil is serving this blonde girl and his normal flirts. I roll my eyes as I tap the bar to get his attention. He finishes dealing with her and walks up to me. His hair is pulled back and he has on a simple black tshirt that shows off his the bit of muscles he does has. I never noticed until now he good he actually looks. 'Hmm maybe I can have some fun after everything' i say to myself.

"What can I get for you gorgeous?" He asks.

Normally he calls me MC or love but tonight he seems different. He's definitely flirting differently with me than normal as I feel him grab my hand to get my attention.

I snap back at his touch "rum and coke, extra strong please" I say with a coy smile. I know he won't say no to me when I ask for that. He's told me I'm the only person that asks that he actually makes it extra strong.

He makes it up and puts it down "this one is on the house as it's been too long. Why don't you stick around tonight until closing? I miss that smile of yours."

"Hmmm, can I get a kiss right now?" I say slightly leaning over the counter.

He leans in and kisses me deep but quick and it's lustful. I smile at him as he pulls away and I see thd blonde from earlier staring. "Sure I'll stay to closing, Phil." I grab my drink and head over to the gang.

I get shit all night from Dan for the way Phil and I are acting but honestly its all just fun. He's glad to see me happy for the first time in weeks.

*****

It's the last call and everyone leaves except for me. He won't let me even go sit outside while he closes up for the night. As I wait for him I ppur myself a whiskey neat and he shakes his head as Ive had more than enough to drink but he won't tell me no.

He grabs my hand and takes me upstairs to his apartment. Feeling his touch is toxic to me, or maybe it's all the drinks but I lean into him and we kiss. I feel his hands on my body and I don't stop him.

****

I wake up with a pounding headache, my eyes are still closed and I groan as I see the ligjt coming through my eyes. I don't remember much from last night but I feel a weight next to me and my eyes open and I see Phil sleeping still. I realize we are both naked and I realize what happened. 'Ugh, how could I let myself get that drunk' I groaned to myself, or I thought to myself.

"Well I never stopped you from drinking either" Phil says half asleep as he pulls me closer and kisses my cheek.

I blush at this moment and curl up against him. "Well you should have stopped the drinks sooner" I giggle.

"Maybe I wanted this. However I think coffee and pancakes are in order" he says, standing up and putting on boxers.

He tosses me a shirt and I watch him walk out of the bedroom. I throw on the shirt and it smells like him but also of smoke and I crunch my noise. That's one thing last night I wasn’t thinking of, this man smokes and the smell drives me insane and not in the best way. I sit up and reach for my jeans and grab my phone out of the back pocket. I see all the messages in the group chat of pictures from last night and there is someone one of me leaning across the bar and kissing Phil. I also see a text from the last person I want to talk to. He left me in the middle of the night weeks ago and now wants to check in on me. I delete the message as I don’t want to deal with him or that drama right now. My heart is finally in a good place and the last thing I need is to go back down that rabbit hole with him again. I put my phone back into my jeans pocket and head out into the kitchen with Phil.

As I walk through the door I instantly smell coffee and bacon and I see him mixing up pancake mix. I smile as I never imagined him to be like this, but everyone says he’s different when it comes to me. I hope he realizes this is just a rebound thing, something fun and he’s not looking for more. He pours a cup of coffee and makes it up for me like I ask for when he see’s me at the coffee shop and I smile.

“So what's your plans for today?’ He asks with a smile and takes a sip of his black coffee.

‘Well, I'm off work for a couple days so I don’t really have any plans. Why were you thinking of something?” I ask

“I know this walk in the forest that leads to this amazing spot and then i thought we could get lunch somewhere.” He says as he starts cooking the pancakes watching them to make sure they don’t burn.

“You mean like a date?” I ask with my headache still there.

“Yeah, a date. I can take you back to your place so you can shower and get ready.” he turns around and as he does we hear my phone from his bedroom go off.

I sigh as I stand up to go get it and grab it, answering it before I say hello or look at it. I look at Phil “It’s a date” I say with a smile.

“MC” I hears Jake's voice from her phone

I pull the phone away and realized I answered without looking at it. “What do you want? You walked away from me.” i say annoyed with myself.

“Are you home?'' His voice is weak and I want nothing more than to forgive him but I can’t.

“No, and I don’t want to see you.” I hang up the phone and put it down. I sit down on Phils couch and he sits next to me.

“Everything okay?” he holds my hand.

“No, my ex and I didn't realize it until after I picked up the phone.”

“Well let's go get you home so you can clean up and then we can have that date.” he smiles at me.

He drops me off and walks me to my door. He kisses me softly and leaves while I go in and get ready for the day out. He picks me back up with another cup of coffee and I can’t help but smile. We enjoy the day taking a walk talking and looking out over Duskwood from a cliff before heading to where he wants to take me for lunch. We enjoy a simple cafe lunch while talking and laughing. I realize that while most people think of him as a player or a womanizer he really is more than that. He puts on that act for the bar but when you get past that there is more to him then you see.

Jakes POV:

It's been weeks on the run and I miss her just as much as when I left her. I’ve told myself I wouldn’t reach out to her but I notice my pursuers are close to her which worries that they will take her to draw me out. I reached out in a text but no response. After a while I call, as I’m outside her place and she answers. She’s going on a date with someone, but who. No I can’t let it consume me, I walked away. She tells me that and she doesn’t want to see me and hangs up. I stay until I see a car pull up and I see her with Phil.

Of all guys in Duskwood, she really goes for Phil? I can’t let that get under my skin though so I walk away from her. I go back into hiding even though the last thing I want is to see her with him of all people.

#duskwood #duskwoodlover #duskwood fanfiction #writing #mc x jake #fanfic #everbyte duskwood #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood fandom #jake duskwood

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babeczka415 · 2 years

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Eternal Love

Chapter 3

"What can I get for you gorgeous?" He asks.

Normally he calls me MC or love but tonight he seems different. He's definitely flirting differently with me than normal as I feel him grab my hand to get my attention.

He makes it up and puts it down "this one is on the house as it's been too long. Why don't you stick around tonight until closing? I miss that smile of yours."

"Hmmm, can I get a kiss right now?" I say slightly leaning over the counter.

He leans in and kisses me deep but quick and it's lustful. I smile at him as he pulls away and I see the blonde from earlier staring. "Sure I'll stay to closing, Phil." I grab my drink and head over to the gang.

I get shit all night from Dan for the way Phil and I are acting but honestly its all just fun. He's glad to see me happy for the first time in weeks.

*****

It's the last call and everyone leaves except for me. He won't let me even go sit outside while he closes up for the night. As I wait for him I pour myself a whiskey neat and he shakes his head as Ive had more than enough to drink but he won't tell me no.

****

"Well I never stopped you from drinking either" Phil says half asleep as he pulls me closer and kisses my cheek.

I blush at this moment and curl up against him. "Well you should have stopped the drinks sooner" I giggle.

"Maybe I wanted this. However I think coffee and pancakes are in order" he says, standing up and putting on boxers.

“So what's your plans for today?’ He asks with a smile and takes a sip of his black coffee.

‘Well, I'm off work for a couple days so I don’t really have any plans. Why were you thinking of something?” I ask.

“You mean like a date?” I ask with my headache still there.

“Yeah, a date. I can take you back to your place so you can shower and get ready.” he turns around and as he does we hear my phone from his bedroom go off.

I sigh as I stand up to go get it and grab it, answering it before I say hello or look at it. I look at Phil “It’s a date” I say with a smile.

“MC” I hears Jake's voice from her phone

I pull the phone away and realized I answered without looking at it. “What do you want? You walked away from me.” i say annoyed with myself.

“Are you home?'' His voice is weak and I want nothing more than to forgive him but I can’t.

“No, and I don’t want to see you.” I hang up the phone and put it down. I sit down on Phils couch and he sits next to me.

“Everything okay?” he holds my hand.

“No, my ex and I didn't realize it until after I picked up the phone.”

“Well let's go get you home so you can clean up and then we can have that date.” he smiles at me.

Jakes POV:

#duskwood fandom #duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwoodlover #fanfics #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #i love jake #jake x mc #duskwood phil #phil x mc

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qumiiiquinnquin · 1 year

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its almost going to be 10 years since i was sa’ed. and im still trying to find a justification for it and trying to figure out who really was to blame.

did i ask for it? i remember being a bit daring because i thought he was bluffing. but it happened. and i remember a lot of it vividly. some of it feels like the blurriness of a dream.

im still trying to understand. but im only understanding nothing. he insulted every other girl in that cul-de-sac. he insulted my sibling and called them ugly. he made dirty jokes a lot. but he called me beautiful. and on the day , he made a bet with me. if i performed the act he requested , he would give me candy or money. i dont remember which it was. during the incident , he still called me beautiful , and called me baby.

sa is a criminal act. you can go to jail for it. but he was 12 or 13. i do not know if a kid so young who did it to a 10 year old girl would have gotten in trouble. i had no proof myself to present to anyone. and i laughed off a friend at the time who told me i need to talk to someone.

ive said his name , but it may have come off as like a name of endearment. especially regarding my comments of how i cant exactly let him go , even though i have an indescribable hatred of him. his name was angel. i hate that i still remember that , even after all these years.

the incident has only left me thinking for the past year or so to just give my body up for others pleasures. i think that's all im worth. ive been gr00med as well , by adults online. and i will not be surprised when i get four letter r worded one day. im expecting it.

i cant let myself fall in love because im afraid to encounter someone like him again. i want to be loved , not used.

it feels so paralyzing. each time i think about it my freeze response is triggered. each time i want to say something about it , it feels like i lose my ability to speak or type. the flashbacks have been terrifying. i cant escape it. the memories lead to shaking and feeling very hot and embarrassed , and his touch comes back. there's no possible way to distract myself anymore from the memories and flashbacks. i got up to get cantaloupe not long after thoughts came on tonight to just eat and forget about the incident , but it does not taste like much now. and its not blocking out the taste of the french kiss you forced upon me 8 years ago , as well as biting my tongue. even though he did not...have i word with me nor did he four letter r word me , if i did not escape i know it would have happened. and i beat myself up relentlessly lately for escaping. i tell myself i should have stayed and made him happy. after all , i agreed. though i did not really know what he meant. and i thought it was a joke. until he had taken my hand and led me to the small foresty area of the cul-de-sac , and your friend tagged along. he watched as everything happened. i remember very vividly that you and him were making jokes and laughing at my under clothes , and you stopped and started being sweet with me and calling me affectionate names when you saw i almost burst into tears.

and you got off somewhat free. i havent told too many people at all. the first time i said it aloud to my psychiatrist , my voice shook so bad that you would think i was about to start sobbing. even though i laughed it off like usual. and even though what you did was a crime , there'd be no way for me to report you now. all that happened to my knowledge was that one kid’s mom thought you had done it to her daughter , not me

since it will be the tenth anniversary in two years , i may make a cake with something like “congrats! you survived ten years :)” written on it in frosting. i dont recall the exact day or even month that it happened. or time of year either. so i think ill just celebrate myself in late november of 2026.

i wish i could go back to the 5-year period of my life where i had completely forgotten about what you had done to me, Angel.

#vent #tw child trauma #tw sa #long post #tw r@pe mention #tw grooming mention

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ambalambs · 1 year

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So idk if this is something strange to post but ive been trying my hand at writing fanfic about miko lately since I dont trust my art skill to do the little scenes that I come up with. But I also have zero skill in writing so this probably isn't any good either lol but im having a good time with it. And if anyone cares about my little miko musings I figured I'd share

———

"If you have a moment or two to spare, pray consider playing a little tune or two on it to practice."

Miko trailed behind Artoirel and his manservant through the Firmament, but he immediately froze in his tracks as they came upon the twin grand pianos the man had been describing.

"Often it takes time to get accustomed to a new instrument," the manservant continued.

Miko, however, was barely listening as he slowly approached the pianos. The pair truly were a spectacle of craftsmanship. One was pure black, the light of the day peeking through the clouds brightly reflecting off it. The other was white. The soft ishgardian snowflakes dusting its surface just barely visible as they rested upon it. Miko made his way to the white one, his fingertips barely brushing along the edge of it as if his mere touch would mar its surface.

He moved around to the bench before the piano and immediately took a seat. The keys laid out before him just beckoning to be played.

"I must say our hero might not need much time to practice at all, Foncrineau," Artoirel grinned. "You look right at home, my friend. Have you played the piano before?"

Miko smirked lightly and placed his hands upon the keys. He didn't press down just yet, instead taking a moment to simply get the feel of it again. Being as musically inclined as he was, Miko had tried his skill on many instruments. If he put his mind to it he could play just about anything to a relatively pleasant extent. Enough to carry a tune at least. He found he was most fond of anything with strings but there was something special about the piano.

And as Miko felt the weight of his fingers on the keys it occured to him just how long it had been since he played. It really had been too long. And as he mused upon this thought a memory seemed to push itself forward. Not in the way the echo painfully did, no, but simply just a memory of his own from a simpler time.

———

Miko was just a boy in this memory. No more that nine or ten summers old. He had only just begun staying at this farm and its hyuran family for a couple of days. It had been strange but not unpleasant. The trauma of his loss was still fresh during this time so it was still difficult for him to truly allow himself to settle in. He still hung onto the expectation that his father would find him soon like he promised and take him home.

On this particular day he found himself wandering around the family's home. The man was somewhere out in the fields tending to whatever farmers busied themselves with. The woman was in the back of the house putting their small child down for a nap. This left Miko unattended for a time so he claimed the opportunity to quietly explore.

He wandered into the living area and trained his focus on a particular piece of furniture that had grabbed his attention when he had first arrived. It was big and wooden, but although the top of it seemed flat enough to hold trinkets, it was clearly not a shelf. Or at least not one he had ever seen before. There was, however, a booklet of some kind resting against the front of it. Miko glanced back over his shoulder for a moment to confirm he was still alone and reached out to skim through the booklet. He wasn't sure what he expected since he was well aware he wouldn't be able to read its contents even if he wanted to. But he didn't expect the strange lines and scribbles that filled the pages. He was fascinated by whatever these strange symbols could mean but he quickly lost interest in their mystery for now and placed the book back in its place.

What next caught his eye, and honestly the main reason the piece of furniture had caught his attention in the first place, were the small intricately carved designs on the wood. There were leaves and vines and flowers, all clustered together in the corners and along the surface. And among them were carvings of little creatures he instantly recognized to be sylphs. He had seen sylphs before playing among the toadstools while gathering herbs with his mother. She always warned him not to get too close. The green ones were nicer than the purple ones but they were still known to be tricksy.

As Miko reached out and began trailing a nail through the grooves of the carving, he liked to think this sylph was one of the green ones.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"

Miko jumped, immediately dropping his hand from the carving and whirling around to stare wide eyed at the woman behind him. His ears pressed flat against his head. The woman stood there leaning against the entryway with a soft smile. She had told him her name once when he first arrived but he still felt little reason to commit it to memory. He'd be leaving soon, after all, once his father returned for him.

"Oh goodness sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," she laughed lightly. Her laugh was sweet just like his mother's and it briefly tugged at Miko's chest as he inwardly berated himself for being so easily snuck up on.

"It's called a piano," the woman continued and gestured to the furniture before him. "Here let me show you." She tottered her way over to him, a hand on her pregnant belly. Once she made it to him she moved to reach beneath the piano and pull out the bench hidden below that Miko hadnt noticed before. He quickly hopped in to pull it out for her and she thanked him with a warm smile. She sat with a sigh that only a young mother can give and patted the spot on the bench beside her expectantly. Miko hesitated a moment before relenting and sitting beside her.

The woman tapped a finger to the wooden surface before them. "Go on, lift it up." She sounded almost giddy as Miko turned his wide eyed gaze from her to the spot she was pointing at. He wasn't sure what she expected of him to be honest. It didn't look like something he could lift, but as he curled his fingers into what seemed to be a seam in the wood and lifted, the panel easily gave way to reveal a long row of black and white keys beneath. Miko was instantly captivated. It was like he had revealed something mysterious and magical and hidden.

"My grandfather used to be a very skilled carpenter," the woman began. "He used to make all sorts of things but musical instruments were his specialty." Miko listened as he gazed at the keys before him. This was an instrument? They had many kinds of instruments in his village that he had played and loved but nothing like this. Suddenly the woman leaned in close to him, their shoulders bumping and whispered, "You know they say he even made some violins for an ishgardian orchestra that played before the archbishop himself."

Miko stared at her in awe. He didn't know what ishgard or an archbishop was at the time but it mustve been something truly important if she was being so secretive about it. She smiled and lightly giggled as she leaned away, Miko's attentive gaze never leaving her, hoping to learn more. But she instead gestured to the keys, "Go ahead. Push one."

Miko glanced at the keys with wonder. He carefully placed a finger on one and made to press down but it was sturdier than he anticipated and didn't give at first. So he tried again with more force.

DONG!

Miko jumped, ears once again flattening as he turned in the direction of the bedrooms where the toddler was sleeping. Immediate fear filled him. He hadn't expected it to play so loud.

The woman beside him laughed lightly again. "Dont worry about waking the little one. Once he goes out not even a calamity could wake him. Thank the Twelve for small mercies." Miko nervously looked back to her, calming a little. What happened next would remain in Miko's memory forever. The woman placed her hands on the keys and began to play. It was a pleasant tune. Something light and relaxing but Miko watched as her fingers seemed to dance along the piano. He found himself already placing each note and position of her fingers into his memory, the melody already latching onto him for later. He had always loved the sounds of the instruments back in his village, the strings and the flutes and the drums. Each would fill him with their deep and winded tones. But the sound of this was so different from any he had heard. It was almost like a chime but it rang so deep he could feel it run right through him and into his core. Oh he was already in love with this. He wanted to keep hearing more. To test out its limits for himself.

As the woman beside him played she began to speak to him as if the very act of playing the instrument was second nature. "This piece has always been one of my favorites. You strike me as someone who can appreciate it, too." Miko quietly nodded without taking his eyes off her hands.

She then suddenly stopped just as quickly as she began and gently placed a hand on her belly. "I hope to teach the little ones someday, but I dont think their hands will be quite dexterous enough for quite a while." She looked up towards him then, a gleam in her eyes. "How would you like to be my first student?" She said as she briefly booped a finger on the tip of his nose.

Miko's face scrunched up at the sudden contact but he turned his gaze down to the piano before him. He carefully and slowly placed his hands on the keys just as she had. For a moment he pressed his lips together in thought, then began to quietly hum the melody he had just heard her playing. It was soft, a bit raspy and broken in his throat from lack of use. But he ever so gently began to play the first few notes. It was slow going but the ease at which he so quickly picked it up was impressive. He felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips and immediately stopped. Letting his hands rest upon the keys he thought, maybe it was okay if his dad took a little longer to find him if it meant he could learn how to play this just a little. He let the smile fully claim his face, as small and soft as it was, and turned to look at the woman next to him. "...sure."

———

As Miko pulled himself away from the memory he found himself smiling that same soft smile to himself. Remembering Artoirel had asked him a question he quickly straightened himself up and ran his fingers down along each of the keys with trained skill. "I have but I confess it's been quite a while," I replied with a grin.

"Well, it seems the Firmament will be in for quite a show," said Artoirel.

Miko chuckled and quickly scanned over the sheet of music already placed on the piano before him. Artoirel claimed he had written this piece so Miko was already determined to do his friend's creation justice. He softly started humming the new melody to himself, as he was wont to do with new pieces, before turning his attention back to Artoirel.

"You keep up writing music like this and you'll soon be writing symphonies for the Eorzean orchestra."

Artoirel chuckled, "Please, you praise me overmuch."

Miko laughed softly and turned his attention back to the piano before him. His heart suddenly warmed at the thought of performing before the people of the Firmament despite the cold of the snow. He'd have to write home about this and let mom know he got to perform a musical number to the esteemed ishgardians.

#i really hope that readmore works cuz this is a little longer than i expected it to be #also i havent written anything creatively since high school so idk how structure works anymore lmao rip #i might lose my courage and delete this tho hhhh #lambs personal junk #lambs tries writing #miko jinjahl #final fantasy xiv

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neyliaart · 23 days

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Its one of those days where I share my views with the world and then go die from crippling anxiety.

The whole: "If you cant take kids being kids in public spaces dont go there." take

I agree. A lot of posts stating that sentiment I have reblogged because I agree with the sentiment. If you cant handle loud kids dont go visit a kids playground just to complain about the kids present.

But as someone who really "cant handle kids being kids" ive always felt the statement off somehow to me. I dont go to places where loads of children are to be expected aside from the schoolgrounds I need to cross every once and again to get to the train station. I avoid them because I do sincerely not have the capability to handle a bunch of kids being loud and I recognize that being loud is just a huge chunk of being a young and small individual.

However, I cant always avoid kids. I too need to go groccery shopping and so do parents and sometimes they bring their kids along for a multitude of possible reasons and sometimes for a multitude of other possible reasons the kid starts screaming or crying or having a tantrum. As a person who "cant handle kids being kids" I cant avoid them entirely. Believe me, if I could I would. Kids overwhelm me to the extreme and its no fun, I can barely handle my own two year old brother when I visit my family sometimes and there have been moments where I just had a breakdown because of him. Just because I cant deal with loud noises or overlapping noises very well, I cant deal with sudden movements well either, I have my very specific icks about what, who and where I am touched. All these things are things kids just do (aside from the touching thats specific for my brother because he doesnt understand it yet but we teach him and hes doing great) and those things get to me really quickly.

And frankly even for situations where it is "my choice" like being on a public train to get to meet my family and friends and a child also being there the notion of "just stay home" just bugs me somehow. Because sure. I could totally stay home and if I did I would have seen my fiance once since I moved out and my mother zero times. Simply because they dont have the resoucses or time to visit me but I can visit them. I hope people can understand why thats a thing id dislike. I want to see them even if its taxing to take on a six hour train ride and even if theres loud people some of which may be kids (but honestly most of them arent but thats a long tangion)

And to top it all off, while on the Toilette in my own home today I heard a child screaming too. I want everyone reading this to have the context that I live on the second floor of an old building with an extremly high ceiling. My own at least 3m if not 4m high. So ive been at least 6-8m (not counting the fact the kid wasnt screaming upwards from right underneath my window) away from the child in height and still heard it loud and clear while being in my own home.

Point is.

You cant avoid kids and I dont think making struggling with some things kids are prone to do out to be the trait of a bad person is a good thing to do.

Ive just been wondering if instead of telling people to "just stay home" to avoid the volume of kids being kids we could find ways to deal with that instead so that neither an adult has to limit themselves nor a kid has to be banned from certain places. Because obviously parents are allowed to take their child into the groccery store with them. I dont want to ban them from doing that. Id just like to figure out how to deal with the screaming child in line behind me if I also happen to be in the groccery store. Because my current tactic is "try not to cry and run for it as soon as you can" and thats just intensly taxing.

So yeah

Those are my thoughts of the day im gonna make myself a cool chocolate now.

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dewprisms · 1 month

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venting aaaaaa

i want to play some other games (I'm still replaying totk but fully non-story stuff but slowed down recently) i want to watch some new shows (but idk where to start. i have too many i wanna watch. and rewatch) i want to read/reread some manga (theyre so fucking long and. there's again so many i wanna read) i want to get into some sort of craft (ive had how-to-draw tabs open for over like 2 years now. not exaggerating) i need to work on ruesid's ref sheet to get a c0mm!ss!0n so i can get other arts made (its been over a year since i worked on it and i dont have the artistic Stuff to know if it even looks good) i aint touched the xigseri fic in years either. how am i gonna get people to willing ship them? and holy fuck i need to exercise (had to cancel the gym membership after only going inconsistently for 3 months before work required more of my time, wasting 9 months of money)

but now i work a 9-5 (sometimes more) and between it and work and somehow never having enough sleep (in part due to my needy cats sadly) i just dont ever feel like doing anything now. even replaying totk feels like a hassel. ive been playing it for like 3 months now but some days i just dont have the energy (physical or mental) to play.

but i wanna DO stuff. 3-4 hours doesnt feel like enough time to binge watch any shows esp when im tired mentally. i have my week long vacation soon but i get the feeling that just like last time im just gonna be spending it taking naps despite not working. im stagnating and i dont know how to fix it.

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songbirdtayler · 2 months

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Im posting this here since no one will see it and I don't want my brother to find it in my journal. I still want to die. I keep thinking about it every day. It's been this way for months on end and it's at the point where I'm not scared to die. I already have things mostly planned out. I know when and which day would work best, Im gonna write a will soon and then letters to everyone and maybe do some videos in case the letters are unreadable. I just need to get that all done and choose how to go out. I do want a bit more money before I go so my family has less to worry about but they can sell all my stuff im not giving to people. They won't have to worry about another mouth to feed or the upstairs being too hot, they can move my fans downstairs to help keep things cooler and hopefully make the electrical bill go down some. They also won't have to worry about another person getting COVID. I won't weigh them down anymore. I won't weigh anyone down. I won't ever have to be in pain or cause anyone more pain again. It will be my last act of pain. Sure it's a big pain but they'll be okay. Everyone I care about has people there for them. They won't see me become a bigger monster, they'll be able to have some good memories of me. I don't want them to have more bad memories of me. I don't want to hurt them anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt. Everything hurts so much. My heart hurts so much. I'm not strong enough to keep going on. I'm so tired of being hurt all the time. Things just keep getting worse. I've managed to hurt my best friend so much that he doesnt even love me anymore. We're still friends but it hurts ya know. And it hurts more knowing that I'll never even be close to the one he likes. I can't make him comfy anymore, I can't make him happy or laugh or support him etc. I just hurt him it seems like:/ he used to really love me but I ruined that. I ruin everything I touch. That's the other reason why I gotta go. I don't want to ruin more things. I just want everyone to be happy and okay. I don't want to make the world a darker place. I think I've done all I can, I don't see what Im needed here for anymore. I don't think I really matter. Its hard to see why I would. How can a monster matter ? Not only that, people don't really talk to me...I'm ignored a lot so I stopped really reaching out. I'm pretty lonely most of the time tbh. I'm not someone people really check in on or want to spend time with. I'm just here. Im not even good at what I used to be good for so I don't even have people really reaching out for those reasons now. It's pretty funny people always tell me they love me and care but they don't really reach out or try to talk to me one on one yet they always will for other people. I can't even be treated kindly when I'm clearly worried about someone else yet they love me. The irony of it all. If you care then why don't you try with me!!! Do you see why it's so hard to see why I matter? If I matter why don't people try..I don't get it. People know I'm going through a rough time yet they still don't even reach out. IM NOT THAT STRONG IVE BEEN THROUGH THE RINGER OF PAIN I NEED SUPPORT AND CARE GODDAMNIT. So I gotta be a monster it's what makes sense. Maybe I would have been stronger if I had more support and if things stopped getting worse all the time. But I don't have either of those things. All I have is more pain and suffering and loneliness and seeing myself further descend into being a bigger monster. I try so hard to do good and be kind and happy and a good friend but I keep fucking up. I can't even do something simple. I was too greedy letting myself live this long. If I was gone noone of the pain I caused would have happen and I wouldn't have to experience all this pain. I would be at peace and people would be happy but I'm foolish and hopefully. I won't let that get the best of me now tho. I'll be gone before fall. I don't have enough strength to make it to my bday.

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tera-91 · 6 months

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More word salad

I know I just posted today, maybe yesterday depending on when I decide to post this. I was torn. What should I do with my time? If the last several days were any hint I probably wouldn’t be getting to sleep anytime soon.

I could be productive. I could go to my computer to do one of many things.

I could edit my youtube videos. But Im stuck. The video Im working on got a little garbled. The video is there but the audio is either lost or im not sure where it goes as I recorded it in several sessions. Unfortunately, I cant scrap it as it is part of a series and the remaining videos I recorded follow that. Should I just skip it for now and at least get the follow up videos edited?

I don’t really want to do that as I just spent im not sure how long. At least a few hours recording more of the series today. Im a bit spent on the topic.

I could go to my computer to work on another project but that would require talking. There is so much background noise as I live with other people. It wont work. Or at least I feel like it wont. That and I don’t really feel like talking in general. Its times like this that I wish I lived alone. I could make sure there was no background noise. Or at least no one would ask me why Im up at 3 in the morning talking to myself.

I could go to my computer to write. Which I am doing that but I mean should probably work on scripts. I want to do other content than what Im doing now and it would require scripts. Ive done it before but it takes so long to write, check over the script, record it, edit the audio as sometimes its takes a few tries at a line and then edit the video. If I did that I would only release a video every month, maybe every other month. Which doesn’t work for building a channel.

I could write a story. But what kind of story? I feel like I haven’t watch sanders sides in such a long time. Or at least I feel like I have lost touch with how I feel the characters personalities are like. Same thing about the ninja turtles. Its been forever and a day since I watched any of the series. Or the movies. It makes me want to just go on my phone and go down a rabbit hole of watching those things over again to get a feel of the personalities. But do I want to do that? I want to get off of just watching endless videos and get productive. Or do I write it anyway? I remember seeing stories before where the author puts ooc for a particular character. Specifically saying that the character is written in a way that is not how they are written canonically. Maybe I should just do that.

I might do that after I finish writing this. Hey at least over 500 words is a start at something. Even if it is just a word salad of a map in my brain. A map that has been ripped to pieces and somehow transferred to there pieces of paper so some things are inverted and one is trying to put it back together. Probably by the time I am done with this it will be nearly 800 words. A thousand if I am lucky. Something to get my brain started. I loved writing out quick stories thinking they would just be 800 words or less and then they turned into 1500, 2000, sometimes even over 3000 words.

I read nearly all the stories I posted on here today while I had to wait for something. It was as if those words didn’t come from me. Like I wasn’t the writer and I was reading the story for the first time. Im not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Like I remember writing them, the titles familiar and all but its like I cant believe I wrote them. I don’t know where they came from. But the mild EMBARASSMENT I felt. Maybe its not embarrassment. Im not completely sure of the word but I felt I guess like I shouldn’t be reading them in public even though theres nothing bad or risqué in them. Although some spelling mistakes I realized while reading them were completely embarrassing. But the fluffiness of what I would write. I have no idea where that came from or how to get back to it. It almost made me feel sad. Or maybe disappointed too. The amount of time that has passed. Seeing comments of people wanting to be tagged in a story. I feel like I let them down because I didn’t continue with it. If I continued with it or even started it over and tagged them would they still be interested?

Wow writing that all down makes it sound like I am so sad or depressed. Hell I might be a little depressed. Mostly just disappointed maybe of where I am. A little frustration to. Feeling like my hands are figuratively tied. Wanting something so bad while not wanting it at the same time. Like Im self sabatoging myself while still wishing I had something that I currently don’t. But I swear I am not in the sense that Ive dealt with a time before that was worse than this. I mean literally depressed that I didn’t take a shower but once a week, just went to school and didn’t do nothing else with my days but do homework and laid in my bed. I just feel that if I don’t write this and post it I haven’t done anything. I haven’t started anything. These posts are nothing but pebbles to be moved out of the way so that larger mind boulders can be set free. To open a flood of stories and motivation that I know I have. I feel like I have lost my place but I want to get it back. I want to get myself in a better situation. Don’t get me wrong my situation is not bad I know people have it worse. I just want it to be what is better for me. I have been off and on writing a book for a long time. Longer than I want to admit. I met an author last year. I was lucky to ask for advise and get an answer. He said that I need to bury that book. Write a million words. Come back to that book a better writer. Im not sure how many words my other post was but this post will be atleast another 1000+ words towards that one million. Stream of consciousness writing to figure things out.

Well, I hope everyone had a good April 1! It is so hard to believe that it is April already. Pretty soon it will be my favorite time of year. Here comes the spooky season and no one can tamp down my excitement for what is to come in the fall. If I could I would live where there is perpetual fall weather. Halloween town if it was a physical place I could live. Play almost nothing but spooky season movies and tv shows. Oh you best believe that Lisa Frankenstein is a current fixation of mine. As soon as that comes out on DVD I will have my hands on it so fast and it will be on repeat for DAYS. I will probably watch it the first oh 10 times it plays and about every third time after that at least until Beetlejuice Beetlejuice comes out.

#tera-91 #sanders sides #tmnt #writing #rant #rant post #vent post #venting #blog #thoughts #feelings #inner thoughts #stream of consciousness

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