#even when everyone says i earned it and deserve it i just dont see it for myself

[fina1chase]

I'm gonna cry on this freakin bus for real

[the-fat-raccoon]

🌌 astro-gnomey Follow

Some of you don't want to hear it but at some point we're going to HAVE to acknowledge the effects of storm sorcerers (and keiromancy as a whole) on the environment. The wizard council has been pushing for regulations on these practices for years due to its large ecological effect on the realm, and yet it still stays unregulated because of misinformed petitioners who insist on preserve this harmful practice.

x x x

🌬 420haz3it Follow

hey ops ex here. they literally went through my family's tome of spells and destroyed every page that contained keiromancy. spells that were in my family since the Wizardry Renaissance, that saved towns from floods and droughts alike, are now lost to time and space

also as people in the notes pointed out all of those links are blatant misinformation that ignores what storm sorcerers have done to protect not only their local communities but the environment as a whole for centuries, and the people who spread this information are the exact same people who advocated to repeal the wishing star protection act.

hating keiromancy has always been a distraction so astrological mages can push for more unsafe practices in their own field. don't let them lie about their intent, and don't let the wizard council rush the process to earn an astromage liscense.

🪄 tradmage12 Follow

Being from a family of storm sorcerers puts a direct line from you to the Great Calamity that wiped out our magic for a millenia. You deserve to lose that tome and every last spark of magic in you.

🌬 420haz3it Follow

what

🌬 420haz3it Follow

theres no way youre serious. you dont actually believe that.

🪄 tradmage12 Follow

We all know it, the Great Calamity would have never happened if the sorcerer faction had listened to the wizard councils orders and steered clear of dragon hunting. But they didn't listen, and everyone suffered because of it. Don't act like there's no reason to not trust your kind with their own practices. You just can't help yourselves.

🌌 astro-gnomey Follow

I leave for the Berry Harvest and come back to this mess, really funny how you'll mention me taking action against your family's evil dark spells but don't mention that you only dated me for your weird gnomeplay fantasies. Also pay attention to the language used, very Anti Mage rhetoric being spread. What else would you expect of a storm sorcerer, of course they want to keep their powers, I'm going to shut off reblogs if people in the notes cant see how they're being manipulated by keiromancers. Quit trying to be 'progressive' when you just want to keep ruining the course of nature and keep down the mage class.

🌬 420haz3it Follow

get me off this fucking lichsite. there is no 'anti mage rhetoric', that's not a fucking thing. mages aren't some repressed class no matter how much you want to pretend that, they haven't had to deal with magical restrictions since before the great calamity even happened, meanwhile sorcerers to this day are still fighting to be seen as magical equals.

and while im at it 'keiromancers' is a made up term to put all weather magic users under one umbrella, as if forms of keiromancy arent so diverse amongst the realms that you cant even begin to compare them. it is not the same as saying necromancers. dont even start that bs.

also, gnomeplay is perfectly normal and acceptable between consenting partners, which we were, so idek why you bring that up. if i as a half elf want to have gnome partners theres literally no issue with that, youre mad because gneillielle has a more bountiful gourd harvest and far more whimsical tunes than you ever brought to our relationship.

storm sorcerers have done nothing wrong, you're the problem.

perhaps some shadow work could unlodge the staff youve got stuck up your cap and you could see the filthy fuckign system youre supporting as an astromage, im sick and tired of this.

🎱 claire-vances-fourth-eye Follow

op starts posting untagged wizard council x reader failed abjuration content in a year btw

5,482 notes

[oh-for-fic-sake-library]

A Suitable Alternative

Masterlist

Summary: When the inquisitors are caught assaulting Lord Vaders darling little engineer two things happen. 1. Vader swiflty teaches his underlings a lesson. And 2. The sith lord finally puts his little one in her place. Which unbeknownst to her is beside him.

Warnings: yandere!vader, Suitless!Vader (as in not clinically needed) , possessive!Vader, attempted sexual assault, swearing, canonical violence, threats, coercive & obsessive behaviour, semi forced relationship.

A/N: *insert ben affleck smoking meme here* Like what do i say about this? Incase you didnt already know I love a dark yandere tropes. Powerful Posessive men who will fuck up anyone who touches their darling. So yeah. Backtrack about a week i decided to pop starwars prequel on for background noise then kind of... watched it, then watched Kenobi. Anakin is prety much the definition of a soft obsessive yandere. And vader? Psychotic yandere. And well this is what you get, i genuinely couldnt help it. Enjoy my fuckery while i go yeet myself off a bridge and look for my moral compass. 👋😀

You whined, squirming uncomfortably your torso pressed tightly to the table. Tears blurred your vision as you struggled, the chubby face of your tormenter split into a wide grotesque grin. He was seated infront of you pleased with himself. Chuckling to himself before leaning back as he used the force to hold your frail form bent over the table, leaving you vulnerable to the others in the room.

"Aww dont cry, isnt this what you like? The power? The invisible holding you in position? Im sure your used to this? Being bent over like a little bitch" he teased, the others chuckled. Even the gaurds snickered at you. You hissed shaking your head still desperately fighting the force that held you still. But it was no use you were stuck.

"N-no i told you! Theres nothing; stop it! Please!" You cried out, not above begging the fifth brother for some leniency. You knew that your arrival had put a few noses out of joint. Many who spent their lives groveling at the feet of lord vader envied you. The interest the lord had in you roused jealousy and anger.

It wasnt like you had done anything, the terrifying male just didn't ignore you as he did others, nor did he threaten or scold you. Youd done nothing to earn a scolding. Perhaps that was the problem? Because your dealings with the sith lord were secret, so according to the inquisitors and troops you hadnt done anything deserving of his attention. Little did they know you had simply done your job in the background. You served Lord Vader just like them, followed orders given to you. Rumors were rampant and everyone seemed to believe you were some kind of whore.

They hissed filthy things in the corridors as you passed, subtly pointing to you and making vulgar hand gestures before laughing, all the while staring at you like meat. Many thought you had been privileged enough to see him without his suit and won his favor serving him on your back. All of this talk because of you survived his interest for more then a few weeks.

It wasnt like that at all. As always the truth is much more boring then the tall tales whispered in the corridors. In actual fact you were an engineering apprentice. Your unsure how or why but lord vader had seen your personal schematics for new bionic prostetics, ones youd been designing for your sister who'd had a nasty accident when you were a child. He had been impressed by the design and had commissioned you to make one for him. And so you did. You made a state of the art prostetic and fitted it for him. That was all, youd measured him, made it and had been observed cloesly by the sith as you worked, he seemed weary of trusting you at first. You could understand it, you were makingnhim a new limb. but he soon realised that you would consult him everystep of the way without having to be spied upon. your task came to a very lackluster end, you were summoned each night for a week to install and configure it, making final adjustments to it untill it was perfect. And after that were simply sent on your way with a large sum of credits you didnt know what to do with.

It probably didnt help that since that week of evening visits the sith lord made a point to greet you in the halls when he saw you, sometimes a quick nod, other times stopping to ask about projects or give you new orders, usually to do with small issues onboard his ships.

These small interactions didnt go unnoticed, but before you could see the growing animosity in his closest underlings the sith lord had made a habit of checking up on you once a week. He seemed to treat his visits like a reprieve, for a an hour or so he could forget his responsibilities and investigate your latest projects, share thoughts on upgrades to the fleet or codeing on the ships mainframe. He even toyed with the idea of having you look into weaponry for him. You quickly found that he was quite advanced with engineering and coding he seemed to have an affinity for more then just the force. And honestly it made you relax around him, it was easier to forget who he was when your discussing technical advancements. Youd even go as far to say you developed a friendship with him, allbeit a very insignificant long distance one.

The issues surrounding gossip only became apparent when vader needed an impromptu sensitivity adjustment to his hand, his hydraulics had almost crushed his lightsaber in battle and that could not happen again. So he dropped into your tiny personal chop shop on the dark destroyer unannounced. And he was unimpressed to say the least declareing the space was too cramped for talent such as yours and that you needed a bigger space work. That night youd been moved in to his biggest ship; the executor. And given a captains quaters, roomy with its own wash room and new huge workshop to tinker in.

"Oh no, a lie? I wonder what he does to you when you spout lies?" The fifth brother rose with another cackle, a high pitched wheezing laugh of a weak man. He pressed forward, palms flat on the table before you, scoffing down at you.

"I dont; we dont even! Please let me go! I havent done anything!" You panicked craning your head as much as you could with your neck cramping from pressure behinde it. Tears glazing your eyes but you refused to let them fall. This was your fault, you'd come to the meeting room intent on waiting for lord vader to inform him of a new code youd been asked to develop.

Vader had asked you to investigate a possible track and trace protocol that could be useful to the control room. Youd managed to create something better. Discovering a way to automatically target hackers and implant spyware into the assailants system not only ravaging their communication but also relaying all data to the executors own systems.

In your excitement youd sought out lord vader, forgetting that the only true safe places for you on this ship were your quarters and workshop. And thats when you were unceremoniously dragged into the room and the taunting began.

"Oh, you would have us believe your not whoreing yourself out to him? Honestly its laughable. So pathetic, you think we dont notice. That we dont see his favor of you? Perhaps we can share in his delights-" the words were venom, spat at you with greed and loathing. A sinister promise below them as he began rounding the table in your direction.

"NO! NOOO! STOP LET ME GO!" You screamed trying to shake his hand away as his palm landed on your shoulder skimming your back making your skin crawl. You sobbed trying the thrash as the fifth brothers hand moved over you, following the dip in your back heading south with intent. You struggle, fighting as much as you could as the inquisitors hands roamed you, squeezing, rubbing and pinching making crude comments to the others about what a comfortable ride you must be. All the while you begged for him to stop. Threats of what would happen when vader found out were on the tip of your tongue. But fear of your own retribution should you use your lord in such a way made you bite your tongue.

You felt it before you heard anything, the atmosphere changed. The room grew cold and a sense of anticipation hung in the air as the door behind you opened. Everyone froze as the mechanical breathing of your lord cut through the room leaving no doubt to who had just waled in. It was clear no one had thought this through. You could almost hear their panicked thoughts wondering how they didn't feel him coming? But then again it was lord vader, if he didnt want to be detected he wouldnt be, it was part of his arsenal.

You heard him pause at the door, his feet planted to the floor in what could only be him taking in the sight before him.

You felt a shame youd never experienced before wash over you hearing your lords breaths break through the silence. You stayed pinned down face flaming in mortified defeat as you knew he was staring at you pitifully bent over the table. Your ass though covered by your uniform was still displayed,and in your mind a little too large to feel decent bent over like this. Your tears finally fell as your lord saw first hand how truley weak you were. It was soul crushing to think this may be the moment the sith finally realised how pathetic you were.

You bit your lip, holding your breath for a moment waiting for what ever was to come next, resigning yourself to the fate lord Vader chose. A laugh, taunting? Disappointment? Or maybe lord vader will simply ignore your situation and abandon you, let the fifth brother continue as he pleased.

"What. Is. This?" The words were distorted, almost lost in translation despite being spoken slowly between breaths. You could almost say the voice coded words sounded angry. No one made a move to answer him, probably because you all knew he wasn't asking whats going on, he was asking for an explanation. He wanted to know who and what had instigated such an attack. He wanted to see if anyone would lie. It was. Test, a challenge noone accepted.

You expected to hear a plethora of excuses, stuttering words or apologies. Hell even a ridiculous 'she attacked me' lie. But no. Instead you heard the inquisitors fearful gasps, they crouched and jerked back from their lord. Cowering. Had you not still been held down you too would have buckled under the quick, scalding burst of rage that permeated the air making it thick and painfull to breath. Or perhaps it was just your fearful anxiety that was threatening to suffocate you. You felt the darkness seeping into the room, a rageing tidal wave of fury and disgust, you dread to think what it felt like to the other force sensitve occupants.

The need and rage rolled into one as Vader finally spied what was causing the commotion. He made sure to pluck the force in the room with a vengeful malice, pressing his anger into the threads of the inquisitors own force making them each take a scuttle back in fear.

Vader tolerated many things on his fleet that he probably shouldn't. The occasional celebration, small quantities of alcohol hell he granted sick leave when people clearly faked their illness. He even overlooked some force sensitive stormtroopers, going as far as to mask them with his own force signiture when palpantine decided to visit. He would turn a blind eye to them aslong as they were loyal to him. Yes. He allowed these things to slip past the net so to speak, he never wanted to be as restrictive as the jedi.

But assaulting a young female who served him was not something he would allow.

Especially when its his favourite woman in the entire fleet. A young engineer who had enhanced his bionic hand to the point it no longer caused him pain once attatched.

He had grown fond of his little engineer. You were a marvel to behold, new concepts and technology seemed to just pour from you when you began tinkering or coding, you seemed to do the impossible. It hadnt taken him long to come to the conclusion that you were worth the time and effort. He could give you the means to make great things, you could innovate and modify his own fleet of ships and grant him an edge which they currently lacked.

But in the time he had indulged you, he had become somewhat attached, lines had been blurred. He told himself it was to manipulate you. That he needed to get close to bend you to his will without threats of violence;they would make you nervous and bring about mistakes which he did not want to deal with.

And he also wanted to understand this new odd darkness he felt. It was almost like Anakin and vader combined into this depraved poisonous yet protective longing. He wanted you. All of you, he wanted to crawl inside of your mind and occupy your every thought, to have your heart for himself and be your entire reason for living. He wanted to keep you mind, body and soul, to own you. To never allow anyone to ever see or speak to you. He needed to be your everything.

And most confusing of all? He wanted to protect you. Sheild you from any who would dare harm you. Not out of sentiment, or maker forbid love. But because you were his. You belonged to him, why would he allow anyone to tarnish what is rightfully his? He always belived his protective urges were because you were small. Defenceless and naive, much like padme. There was a quiet reverence to you he had come to appreciate and crave. He coveted your admiration, fed off of it.

He knew he was toeing the line. He was more attached to you then he would like to admit. He was bordering possessive, he didnt like you being far from him, which was the reason for moving you onto his own ship. He'd thought it would be enough to have you on the executor, walking the same halls never being too far from him, he'd made certain your clearance never allowed you to wander into the bowels of the ship. You were contained to a quadrant spanning five levels and six hundred metres squared. Not that you had realised that yet.

But having you here handlt quelled his obsessive need for you, and so he had still been keeping a close eye on you. Shadowing you, checking your movements during the day by tracing your unique access code. And when he had a spare few moments he'd hunt you down and give you random meaningless tasks just so he had a reason to give you orders inperson. Not that you seemed to notice. Or if you did, you didnt mind.

It was your ignorance to his odd behaviour that spurred him on. Excited him even, you were someone who accepted his dominance without question or complaint. Not in a fearful sense either. You didnt cower from him, your life force didnt tremble or try to resist him when his own prodded at you. There was just a calm understanding there, you accepted his might. Even when the power radiating off of him was suffocating, you still sat there obediently, loyally waiting his next command without trying to escape his presence. It was refreshing to not have to pretend, or put on hiers and graces. He could be the rough, demanding and powerfull man he was, without judgment. Which was more he could say for padme. And unlike padme you were far too meak and loyal to ever think of crossing him. You wont abandon him, you wont stab him in the back, you were a suitable alternative to padme, because you already accepted him the way he was.

It pleased him. You pleased him. And you will continue to please him as he sees fit.

Vader hovered by the door for a moment assessing the scene once more commiting it to memory. It was very rare he had to do a double take to actually belive his own eyes, but this was one of those rare occasions. And the fool whod dare touch his engineer was to shell shocked to remove his hands. It would seem he really did have to do everything around here. Oh well.

There was a beat of cruel anticipation, violence echoed silence in the room. And then you felt rather than heard a lightsaber rush across your back. You yelped out in surprise as heat engulfed your spine, uncomfortably hot like your skin was on the cusp of sun burn, yet not actually damaging you. There was a second scream accompanying yours. The fifth brother screeched an agonising blood curdling pained scream. And you felt something hit your back, the weight of the force was lifted instantly. You took a breath and jerked upright so fast you had to hold the table to stop yourself from falling over. You peered to your right only to stumble back a step as you saw what happened. And more importantly what had landed on you.

"Oh;oh god" you covered your mouth seeing the fifth brother panicking on the floor withering in pain holding up his arms to his face unable to belive what he was seeing. Your stomach turned as you saw the violent sight. Two cautorized stumps adorning each arm, a diagonal cut across each. And the hands that had tormented you were twitching on the floor loosing their colour, fading to a deathly blue.

"My lord you? His hands?" You whispered, trembling as you realised those hands had been what fell on to your back. Severed hands! Your chest tightened as your eyes roamed the sight of the whithering man before you. You vaguely heard the sound of lord vaders lightsaber retracting, but didnt react, far to focused on the sight before you.

With a slight yelp and jolt you pivoted as Vader approach you, closing the last few inches. But he did not allow you to move, one gloved hand pressing into your side keeping your back to him. You felt his fingers twitch as he held you stil.

He relished in the feel of finally touching you openly, cursing his suits thick gloves wanting to feel your supple flesh with his own skin. But he also enjoyed the intimidation his suit provided him. It was the only reason he wore it, the fear factor.

Your breath hitched as vaders hand dug into your side firmly easing you back into him. His huge frame shadowing yours, so close his cloak was falling around your own shoulders as his body skimmed yours.

"Hush little one." He ordered lightly. You peered over your shoulder flicking your gaze to him and then back to the floor holding your breath for a moment swallowing down your panic with a firm nod and released a slow breath, edging yourself away from an all out anxiety attack with practiced ease.

"Good girl. Always soo obedient, soo loyal. Youd never defy me would you?" You could hear the grin in his words, the pridful taunting thats prodded the others in a veiled threat. Vader moved his hands cross you, tucking one arm arcross your waist completely aligning your body with his. Making a show of holding you as close to him as possible.

You flushed keeping your eyes on his mask not wanting to be seen as rude. Though it was hard to maintain your gaze with your heart stuttering in your chest. You merely shook your head silently at his question. No, youd never defy him. Never, you looked up to him. So much so you felt it was him who should be emperor, after all it was vader who lead the troops, vader who fought and won the battles. It was vader who people feared and respected. He got his hands dirty and was actually fighting for something. Palpantine just seemed to make decrees and force others to do his bidding.

"Its a shame others dont follow suit. To think my own inquisitors sought to steal from me, right under my nose on my own ship" he continued speaking. Completely ignoring the other inquisitors as they still stood cowering on the far end of the table, making sure to keep their distance and avoid their lords anger. You didnt have time to fully register his words before he was speaking once more, berating his servant's whilst not giving them any of his actual attention both punishing and Insulting them.

"They believed i would allow them to sully you with no consequences. They feel that they are indispensable. Yet you have done more for me then all of them combined" you flushed absentmindedly shaking your head and tried to tuck into yourself and hide your face at the soft praise. You knew it was to rub salt into the wound, to embarrass them. These great force weilding soldiers were less usefull then a silly weak engineer that hadn't even finalised her training.

"I had thought i could trust them with you. That their so called loyalty to me would prevail over their jealousy. It seems i have over estimated them. They are not loyal, but frightened. They have no respect, just fear" vaders words were a harsh taunt, turning sinister and vicious with an air of mocking and dark sarcasm that he was known for throught out the fleet.

"And rightly so." You heard more fearful inhales from the others in the room,but you couldnt bring yourself to acknowledge them. You didnt dare disrespect your lord by disregarding his attention in favor of those who were so far below him.

"M-my lord i would have stopped, i was teasing Ugh-gagh!" Your head snapped up to the fifth brother as he stupidly opened his mouth and tried to defend his actions. You flintched as your lord moved, arm snapping out infront of you and the fith brother gurgled on his own words, choking.

"She is not yours to tease or torment" you watched in a horrified fascination as vaders hand fingers curled slightly. It looked like he was commanding a puppet, tugging invisible strings, choking the fifth brother slowly. Youd admit it was terrifying to behold, youd never seen this before and to be so close? You were conflicted. It was like watching a crash, you knew what was to come, you should look away but you couldnt. Something in you wanted to see it.

"Perhaps you should offer an apology? My little one is merciful. She is one for granting second, third and fourth chances" vader teased, enjoying dangling a bone infront of such an undeserving mutt. A thrill shot up your spine as you realised he was doing this for you baiting the dying man just to let you have a moment of retribution. Though being the cruel man he was vader made sure to tighten his grip. To cut off any sounds this squeeling little pig would try to make. And he did try to plead his case, eyes flicking to you begging for mercy.

You shivered pressing back into vader as the scene continued to unfold. Even when this man was dying you were afraid of him. And yet you weren't afraid of the sith lord commiting the act. Vader had to be provoked, you reasoned to yourself trying to fend off the uncomfortable thoughts trying to arise. After all vader had mentioned in passing about entering minds to gather information. You wonder if he could read your thoughts in real time.

"No? Well then" vaders dealthy teasing took an amused tone. He was enjoying this for a change. Especially when you released a soft half giggle under your breath at his dark sarcasm. It was irronically entertaining as your once powerful assailant made to grab his throat with two stumps. His eyes widened in true panic as he realised there was no way he could escape, he couldnt even claw at the grip tightening around his throat. You vaguely noticed that he was still firmly on the ground, which for some reason made you think it was somehow worse? It was one thing to be choked lifted from the floor, kicking your feet helplessly. But another sadistic torment to be choking on nothing whislt on the ground trying to clutch at your throat with no hands.

Vader hummed in approval at your minute glee, he always sensed a tiny dark spec on your pristine soul. You craved justice, to the point you enjoyed karma. You liked watching the odds get evened out. He even toyed with the possibility of that being why you were so loyal to him. That you looked to him as that balanceing force. The one to even the odds in the galaxy. It filled him with a delicious heat to think deep down you enjoy the way he was punishing your attacker. He felt righteous and godly as you relaxed into his hold watching the life slowly drain from someone who had made you beg and cry for mercy.

Your eyes locked onto the fifth brother as his body finally succumb to lord vader. He collapsed in a heap on the floor beside his hands. You arched back instinctively not wanting to touch the body.

"It is a pity. He was adequate in the force. Useful. But i will not ignore such an insult. Though while we are here let us make this a learning experience" his voice quivered with anticipation, not that his voice coder would give away his excitement.

You gasped, hands flying to the thick leather clad arm wrapped around you,clutching him as he moved you. Spinning around hoisting you off of the ground so he could keep you against him as he turned on the horrified inquisitors. It was when vader began speaking again you flush and willed yourself to dissappear, making yourself seem smaller against him. The others stared at you in a looks of shock, anxiety and disdain.

"This is mine. She belongs to me and me alone. And anyone who looks at her, let alone touches her without my permission will be..." vader explained making sure there was no mistake. He paused with a glance to the corpse before quipping his final amused remark.

"Decommissioned. Am i understood?" The hissed question snapped you back to reality and you began answering, only to catch yourself, covering your mouth with your hands when you realised he wanst actually talking to you. You felt rather then heard him huff a light chuckle against your back, the light humming was followed by a light squeeze against your tummy.

"Yes lord vader" the chorus of affirmation seemed to satisfy him and he placed, you back ont the floor, and took half a step back, yet still hovered closer then was needed.

"Good. If i were you I'd make sure to complete your asigned tasks before my return. Come along little one. We have much to discuss" and with that he turned on his heel and began exiting the room.

"Y-yes my lord" you squeaked quickly following him wanting to escape the inquisitors now hateful gaze.

You kept your head down, eyes fixed on the floor following the dark cape skimming the floor in front of you. You tried not to think of what had just happened. You didnt want to relive the ordeal or try to excuse any of it. You knew you'd overthink everything. Especially the way lord vader had held you so closely. The way he'd defended you so fiercely, how he'd not even just disposed of fifth brother, but mutilated him first with his lightsaber. Which he only ever ignited when truly angry or readying for battle.

Your heart jumped in your chest at that particular thought, if he was angered that meant he cared? Meant that you held some form of worth to him? Your stomach joy rushing through you. Youd admit to holding a fondness for your lord. Your admiration of of him had slowly grown into Something reminiscent of a school girl crush... only a very gaurded and respectful variation of a crush. Afterall he was your lord, a sith and the most unpredictable yet powerfull man in the galaxy. You had to be careful.

"You are unharmed?" The words spooked you as he finaly broke the silence and you looked around startled. So lost in your thoughts you hadnt paid much attention to your suroundings. Not that you needed to, everyone made way for lord vader in the halls, so you didnt need to be too aware when following him.

But had you been paying attention you might not have been so stunned when you realised you were in a huge living quarters. A sprawling expanse of black glistening tiles, black matte walls inlayed with glowing beams of light illuminating an array of practical dark furniture scattered pleasantly across the space. Frosted tinted glass acted as partition walls seperating various areas and a partiality concealed a bed room off to the far side of course the huge bed was also draped in a mix of black and maroon silk and velvet sheets.

The room was dwarfed by a window peaking out into the expanse of space, it stretched across the entire quarters in aligned sections. It reminded you of the one in the pilots control center, only this one was almost floor length. It took you a few moments to realise you may have just been lead into lord vaders private chambers.

"Y-yes my lord, thanks to you. I;" you uttered uncomfortably trying to bite down the slight panic at being brought here. Not that you thought he would kill you, it was just odd. Vader was above all unpredictable.

Glancing forward you frowned and took another slow step forward. He had disappeared, venturing deeper into the sprawling space whilst you appraised the decor. In your anxiety you began turning, trying see where vader had gone. Sensing your trepidation he called out to you, beckoning you to him.

"This way little one" you followed his voice only to pause stunned in to silence as your eyes laid on him. He had stepped away from the main open living area into a half concealed office. His back turned to you. But thats not what made you pause. No, it was when you saw his hands clasp his mask and free it from his head. A mane of wavy hair fell to his neck and he drew a deep breath as if thankfull to be free of the constricting head piece.

Your brain seemed to stutter, stalling as words died on your tongue and your mouth hand open for a moment. You never thought youd be privileged enough to see your lords true visage. It was a fantasy not even you had toyed with. Not even when you had been working on his hand, skimming the skin of his arm delicatly as you directed him to twist this way and that so you could concentrate on the connections.

He kept his back to you, slowly removing his gloves, one hand coming to his face obviously nipping the tip of a finger to remove a glove and then the second heavy leather joined its twin on the desk.

"Im pleased the inquisitors didnt cause any damage. It seems i should have kept a closer eye on you. Your far too delicate to let roam. The others think they are safe, belive me when i tell you they are not. They will pay their penance in time" you shuddered greedily lapping up his honeyed tone. Why was his soft voice more menacing then the deep voice recorder and harsh breaths?

It was unsettling, the way you could have been lulled easily from the gentle yet authoritative tone. His demand for respect was so ingrained into him you couldnt help but listen as he spoke. Though at the threat lacing his words you faltered slightly, you did feel somewhat responsible for the incident.

"It was my fault my lord. I had gone looking for you to deliver the new security codeing. You said once i finished to find you and i should have known not to approach the meeting room when the inquisitors;" you tried to argue, though you were unsure why you felt as if everything was your fault. Afterall you couldnt control the inquisitors, and they didnt exactly deserve your mercy after standing by and letting that wretch almost have his way with you for no other reason then jealousy.

"Do not try to make excuses for their deceite. You are above such foolishness" the order was harsh and swift stopping your explanation in its tracks as you tried to take the blame. The ire in his tone and way he flicked off his cloak violently made you bite your lip remaining silent. You peaked up at him hearing him cross the space.

My god. He was a devil. A frightening handsome devil. His face had softer features then you thought. Beautiful and cherub like. Yet there was a sinister undertone to him, a powerful gaze. Yellow eyes, they were haunting in a way, so unique but only enhanced the dark beauty he possesed.

He paused before you, drawing a deep breath tilting his face and concentrated on you. His yellow gaze penetrated you. You could almost feel him burrowing into you, as if he was searching your soul for something. Trying to unravel you and collect your secrets. What ever he found must have pleased him. His face split into a grin and his hands raised, one cupping either side of your face making you look at him. You didnt flinch, you didnt ever gasp as his cool bionic palm cupped your cheek. All you could do was blink up at him owlishly, unsure what he expected from you. But even through your shock you did take comfort in his happiness, feeling yourself smile back up at him.

"You are indispensable to me, you will be moved here where i can keep a close watch over you." His words were alight with a strange glee. You gasped when he tipped his own head to yours his nose skimming yours. You felt slightly uncomfortable, he seemed off? Not that you claimed to know him, because in all honesty you knew very little. He'd allowed you to uncover small details in your time spent together. But you couldnt help feel he was acting out of character. Your interaction felt foreboding, like there was something just around the corner that he was slowly leading up to. That he had a plan for you that could be something wonderful, or incredibly unsettling.

"From now on you are to be by my side at all times outside of these quarters and you workshop. I trust nothing and no one with you. This incident will not repeat itself because you strayed from me. Am i understood." The order came with its own slight chastisement. A light warning laced in the vaguely possesive words.

"Of course my lord" you didnt hesitate. He grinned, eyes darkening with a pridful victory. It was only in this moment, this final test where he truley revealed himself to you that he had realised his true victory. Your obedience to him was second nature, he'd cultivated it. Made sure his authority over you was absolute. That his dominion over you was indisputable, whether he was in his feared suit or out of it. Youd agree to anything he suggested, and youd do it of your own accord with no need for threats or violence.

He chuckled lightly befor dragging your head down and pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead. The action stole your breath and before you could even wonder over the unprompted affection he had stepped back releasing you completely from his hold and turned motioning for you to take a seat in the communal living area.

"You are not disagreeing. Such a good girl. My good girl. You can see i do not have the patience for such frivolous games today" his giddy words were thrown over his shoulder whilst he rounded one of the sofas and then he sat heavily, releasing a sigh as he took the weight off of his feet. You followed him, somewhat in a daze, growing more confused by the second. But dutifully followed him and sat on the spot he patted next to him. Obeying the unspoken demand to sit as close to him as possible.

"I am pleased that the circulating gossip has not hindered your resolve or frightened you off" he continued the conversation as if it were nothing substantial. Like he hadnt just thrown you for a loop and shook you to your core with unwarranted, yet not unwelcome affecton.

"Yo-You heard those?" You stuttered trying not to falter as you held the conversation, you didnt want to disappoint him now. Especially when he was behaving so unpredictably. Youd seen his face, you were a loose end now, you knew some of his best kept secrets. It was humbling and exciting, but even in your excitement you understood the danger you could have stumbled into.

"Indeed. Though i did not confirm or deny such things, i belived if others thought you were mine it may offer you some form of extra protection when my back was turned. I was mistaken" he shifted plcing an arm around your shoulder and pulled you to him. He didnt seem to want to let you go, literally. He'd never shown this type of affection to you before today, youd never had any inclination that he was one to seek out this kind of touching. But he couldnt seem to help it, and he didnt seem to be stopping anytime soon. You flushed as a tiny voice in the back of your mind could barely contain her shy approval. You certainly didnt mind him holding you.

"My lord i; i didnt. I never told anyone that we were? Involved or or anything. I didnt mention what i was summoned for. It was no ones business. I did deny all rumours- or at least tried;" you tried to explain, fearful that he thought you wer e trying to climb rank useing his authority. You sat up, pulling away from him as you spoke wanting to make eye contact with him so he could see the truth in your eyes. But something engulfed you. A pressure pinning you to his side, firmly encouraging you to lean on his chest and tuck your head below his. You whined realising he was useing the force to position you. Your whimpers were quietened down by him hushingyou, his hand rubbing your arm soothingly. It was when you stopped fighting that the pressure left your body.

"I am well aware you had nothing to do with the gossip. Unfortunately such things happen on board all vessels. There is nothing we can do to quell them. Even if i had wanted to." He hummed, his hand rising from your shoulder to twist a lock of your hair and tuck it behind your ear.

"You look shocked." He stated with a deep chuckle, amused by your stunned silence. But continued to distract himself with your hair, knuckles grazing your neck whilst his fingers twisted the soft locks.

"I, yes, well... did you not want to stop the rumours? i dont understand" you mnaged to whisper quietly, stumbling over your words trying to make atleast one coherent sentence and not look a fool.

"Understand? what is there to understand? I am not blind. You are an attractive young woman. You have a brilliant mind and submissive personality as well as being loyal, true loyaltyis a rare find in the empire. I am not adverse to the idea of keeping you for myself." He uttered casually, treating the topic like something as mundane as the weather. It almost became a monologue, him listing his feelings methodically, speaking them aloud like he'd only just rationalised them.

"Infact i thought i made a compelling argument with the inquisitors. I do hope there is no confusion on your part" your stomach dropped , reality settling like a rock in your chest. You couldnt help feeling there was still more to this. A sinister undertone had crawled into his final words. But you couldnt discern if he ws actually threatening you, or is he was genuinely asking you if he had made himself clear.

"Well i? Yes? No? I; im sorry but i dont completely understand? When you say keep me to yourself? Do you mean as an underling?" Your resolve quivered when he threw his head back and bellowed a laugh, one hand dropping to his stomach as he did so.

"Oh sweet angel, you truly are a naive little thing arent you?" He teased lightly through his amusement shaking his head to rid himself of the remaining laugher threatening to escape him. You shrunk face glowing a bright red, unsure if he'd just complimented or insulted you. He felt your embarrassed pout and glanced down at you tipping your head up to face him smirking down at you with mischief.

"But to answer your question, under or on top. It makes no difference as long as i am your only partner, a will not share, you are mine to fuck and fill." Your jaw dropped. No. What? No he couldnt have meant? Surely not! He chuckled again sending you a devilsh look, soaking up the innocent shock and riseing flush on your face. He enjoyed your reaction to his vulgarity, he noted the way you tremble, your thighs tensing. He was tempted to brush overthem and drawmmore sweet breaths from you, let you taste what was to come. But he also knew he needed to make himself clear first. Youd probably have a heart attack if he didnt allow you time to register your new-found role.

"Speechless? Fear not there will be plenty of time for us to explore such things now that you will reside here along side me" he soothed pressing the two fingers to your chin, closing your mouth which only furthered you embarrassment. And he wasnt finished, it seemed he very much enjoyed making you squirm and continued.

"Rest assured I have no intentions on rushing you little one. Though your new uniform will be here by morning and i will make it known that there is a lady Vader on board. Should anyone be confused i will enlighten them personally" you didnt pay mind to the mention of new uniform, no. Instead the title of lady vader echoed in your head like a mantra, you were so stunned by it you almost missed the blatant threat of violence that followed.

"Wha- wait? You really mean to? You wish to be with me intimately?" Your voice cracked, making you clear your throat whislt trying to collect your thoughts that were running wild. The images of you and him tangled in the huge bed youd spied earlier were almost too much for you to bare. You tensed your legs trying not to think about having such a powerfull man ravage you, how he could possibly use his immense power to his advantage in the bedroom.

"It has been my plan yes. You captured my attention, my intrest. And have not disappointed me like so many others. slowly my feelings have morphed into affection, need. A desire for companionship. Something i have not felt for a very long time. I will not waste this opportunity, we will wed soon enough" with that he had finally revealed his intentions. You drew a deep breath trying to keep the air in your lungs and not squeak pitifully like a cornered mouse. You knew it, you were right, he did infact have a masterplan for you.

At your panicked silence vader grew defensive. His aura thickened and the room seemed to darken and cool as the seconds ticked by. He curled his fingers pinching your chin firmly drawing your attention back to him.

"I decided you will remain by my side. And i warn you now, whether you are inclined to agree with me is irrelevant. The decision was made long ago little one" his words grew icey, eyes sharpening to dreadfully observant daggers. You swallowed, nodding to him feeling a fright you hadnt felt since your first few encounters with the sith.

"I understand my lord. So i will stay here? And shadow you?" You agreed trying tp placate him and calm whatever frustration was building in him. You had no objections. Youd do as he asked gladly, you were just blindsided and surprised. If only you had the courage to admit that and voice your feelings.

Whatever darkness washed over him faded quickly and his face relaxed from an eerily calm anger, to a soft contented smile. Your quick compliance and following curiosity seemed to have quelled whatever darkness had arisen inside of him.

"Yes. We will spend a majority of our time together, either here on my fleet or my home on mustafa." You nodded slowly taking it in. The reality, this was happening. He had planned your life, planned your relationship, and the way he was so self assured in his ideas for your future showed that he had thought this through, played with the idea long enough to work around any issues tht might arise. Youd also made sure not to flinch at the mention of that terrifying planet. It was somewhere you'd never want to visit, but you doubt you'd get a choice in the matter.

"And my work? I mean will i still...after we are? wed?" You inquired wanting to pull the conversation away from mustafa. But also clarify exactly what your lord had instore for you. His face lit up, youd pleased him by insinuating your upcoming nuptials. Quietly accepting the future he had planned.

"I would never impede your personal growth. You are free to keep your workshop. And i will give you tasks to keep you occupied when i am away on business" you closed your eyes in relief. He may have sprung this on you and expect you to obey him without complaint. But atleast he wasnt going to lock you up and let you suffer bordem. Youd have some freedom.

"Thank you my lord, your words mean alot to me. I fear what would happen if i was left with nothing to do" you quickly voiced your appreciation. Still hesitant but compliant, your lord had made up his mind, and you were not going to tempt fate by arguing. You were however going to try and explain yourself. The last thing you wanted was for him to doubt your loyalty and obedience.

"A-and just? For what it is worth I... i am inclined to persue this relationship my lord. I was just shocked earlier, i meant no disrespect. I didnt mean to anger you. I am sorry if i upset you"

"Apology accepted" he hummed dragging you to lie on his chest once more. This time his arms coiling around you protectively. You melted into him. Despite having the beejeezus scared out of you moments ago you couldnt help but give into him. This had been what youd fantasised about hadnt it? Being held by your lord? Having him trust you, showing you affection and being special to him. Although you admit this was much better then your late night guilty pleasures. Not only was he holding you so sweetly, he had trusted you enough to let you see what lies beneath his mask. As ridiculous as it sounded, you couldnt help feeling that you could be happy with him, despite how intimidating he could be.

Still you couldnt help but want to make things right. To reassure him and smooth over any lingering unpleasant thoughts he may have over your silence earlier.

"It just caught me unawares. I admire you and was surprised by your words. I can admit to harbouring a crush on you. Even before today, but i never thought that..." you trailed off slowly conveying your thoughts wordlessly, trying your best to find a solace. A stability in the new situation you found yourelf in. His quick temper had shaken you, youd never had such a misstep with him before. And you didnt want to repeat it.

"Then that just makes for a happy ending doesnt it little one. Come we will eat and then rest. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day" he rose from the sofa taking your hand pulling you along side him gently.

"But in the end it will be worth it for you to watch the colour drain from my inquisitors faces when they see you take your place beside me" he lamented with a twisted grin thinking about the fun he was going to have tormenting those pathetic mutts.

You couldnt help a jolt of excitement race through you at the thought. It would be nice seeing their smug hatred become terror when your new position was anounced. Hell it would be nice to be beside lord vader, even if your future was completely dictated by him. You really would do anything for him, it was a sobering thought, but not unpleasant. How many people can say their fantasies became reality? But then again its said that when the gods truley wish to punish us they make our dreams come true. Only time will tell if this was your fairytale or your punishment.

[pumpkinsy0]

I’m not sure if America does this much, but from where I am, a grade is able to travel to a different country for around a week or two for educational purposes (e.g Italy, France, Etc.) So,,, any Papercut Hcs for that? (Taken that they were able to make up the money for that, maybe Pony took up extra jobs to earn the money.)

ik what ur talking about!!! i dont think its common for a WHOLE GRADE to do it, but ik wym!!!!

OK SO

•lets say they’re traveling to france (ewwww🙄🙄 but trust me, makes sense later), their language class was french and they were like “man y dont we all travel to france to test out skills n have fun”

•gonna b frank w u, pony, curly, and their families were hesitant on it, MOSTLY bc of money restraints but when it comes to pony, its bc he just never traveled out the country before, let alone all by himself

• curly rlly has no aspirations to travel anywhere but then he realized that if pony left, he would b bored out his mind cayse who else can he annoy as well as he does w pony??? so he was on board!!

•look, getting that money was a hard time for all, tim and curly did more jobs, darry and soda worked their asses off and so did pony, but at the end of the day, they did it (also some of it was covered for everyone bc of some soc’s rich ass dad)🙏🏽🙏🏽

•when the packed, they damn near packed everything they had bc they just dont have much, it was like they were going away forever😭

•look, curly (and angela, shes here too!!! :3) r haitian immigrants, they knowwwww french bc they HAD to learn it in haiti to get through the education system, hell theyre probably one of the few ppl who even know it fluently out this whole grade, everyone else was lowkey bullshittin

•curlys basically ponys translator for everything, and curly WILL use it to his advantage, ponys always smarter than him but HERE??? HEEEE has the upper hand, plus, this means pony being clingy

•but his french was a lil rusty bc he wouldnt rlly speak it a lot, even in class he wouldnt rlly speak

•pony had this “introduction to french” book darry gave him bc darry can actually speak french bc of the class!!!

•curly and angela CANNOOTTT see the eiffel tower as being romantic btw, that shit was built w haitian money they hate france man (YES, im airing out some of my grievances i hate france dude🙄🙄), if pony mentioned the tower near curly he’d roll his eyes, ALSO BC HE FOUND IT TO B CORNY

•curly and pony keep getting lost dude, its like hell on earth, YES, france is walkable, but that probably just makes it worse for them bc theyre walking far in the wrong way😭

•u can def tell theyre american tourist, but i dont think curly would care, ponys trying to keep a low profile tho

•i dont think they rlly, like french food that much, not even that it taste bad or anything just not their cup of tea, honestly

•if i remember right, france has a problem w pick pocketers and i PROMISE u that wouldnt slide w either of em, they WILL fight u over it😭

•angela was excited to try the macarons!!! honestly like top thing she liked there probably, maybe she also flirted w some guys in french, got some perfume, she treated it like a vacation more than like something educational, she knew french already this was USELESS to her

•pony loved the museums, and wouldve liked it MORE if curly didnt RUSH him all the time bc he was bored, curlys the kind of guy to only go to museums for the gift shop and tbh??? so real

•they were able ti get a room together at a hotel thankfully, and half the time in it was NOT spent sleeping, it was spent w curly making stupid jokes and pony laughing so they were tired in the morning

•let them have some souvenirs, they deserve it!!!pony tried to get something each for the gang, curly got something STUPID for tim, angela got a cute gift for herself

•pony promised to take pics while he was there and he did, but some of the pics had curly being a dumbass in it🙄🙄

anyways i went through this whole post without making a kanye west joke, im truly growing to b more mature

[endomentendo]

Now before you read this, please know I want to get through this on my own. Don’t read my essential crisis right now if you don’t want my goober self depressing you. I just need to vent, I’m okay… I think.

You wanna know why I like wonderland? Why I say absurd things or confusing remarks towards anything? Why I like the spiral from the Magnus archives?

Well it’s because I think I might be in a more confusing state of my life, mentally I think. My life is normal, fine, wonderful! I love my friends and family, I love my parents, I love my family.

But why do they love me? What did I do to deserve it? Am I selfish and unpleasant? Am I just a selfish man who won’t get a life? I don’t know. And this is where my mind keeps playing tricks on myself. It’s not helpful when I’m stuck in two life’s to which only one of my parents is aware. Understand I’m apart of a religion and was raised believing in god. But after the split, my world was shattered, only for a while. But after a few years I’ve now gotten into a double life, and was given a different world view. Tugged on one side to the other back and forth. I’m struggling trusting each of my actions. And understanding who I am.

This lead to me getting more and more confused. Now I’m asking questions what’s real or what isn’t? I’m questioning the start of the world, I cannot comprehend how a start is possible. Call me dumb because maybe I am, but why did the Big Bang explode? What even caused it? And if there was a cause, where do they come from? Why were they there to begin with?

Then questions became only assumptions of whatever came to mind. Then more questions. Why is there color? What even is past the color wheel? Why do specific food kill or support us? Why do we need food? Why are there germs, tiny things, MICROSCOPIC THINGS!? Why do they serve their purpose, are they even aware? Do I unconsciously crush an entire ecosystem, invisible to the naked eye, KILLING what were innocents who never knew I never knew of them.

Now I’m realizing how made up everything really is. There is no such thing as a name, we give names in order to know who is in front of us, to announce. Shouldn’t we remember by faces? Or mentioning a feature? Then again familiarity is also made up. Everything is made up! History made for us to remember, but that’s all it does. Capitalism is for order amongst chaos, but all we’re doing is making a made up system of passing cotton paper to each other just to feel like we earned something. It’s useless, pointless.

I’m afraid to go back into the dark of my eyes, to sleep and see nothing, yet be able to look around. Sweating as my anxiety grows.

Time doesn’t exist, it’s just there for us in order to comprehend age. Birthdays are pointless since we don’t grow up on one day, it’s every day. It’s pointless to show appreciation of your birth. Even my death is pointless. Even if I did something that is know in the world, no one would care after a year or day. It’s pointless and it doesn’t make sense. Why do we exist? What purpose?

To live? To have freedom? To serve? To feel like we are important in an empty impossibly vast universe that it too could be made up?

I don’t know why I’m afraid of pleasures, is it fear of god or disappointing others? Everyone else does these things, but why do I feel ashamed? Why do I hate myself when my actions would be forgotten once I’m gone. Why would we be gone?

WHY?

Why am I bringing this up? For affection? For others to suffer as well? Or for someone to say how hypocritical I am? Or how selfish and nonsensical it all is?

Please dont respond. I just want to understand…

[dballzposting]

If you watch DBZ then you see that like...

We See Ttunks and Goten separately before we see them interact.

TRUNKS: He is a lively kid. He is excited to see Gohan, and thinks very highly of him. He did think that the Saiyaman outfit was cringe however. He trains with his dad. He seems to have fun being himself. He seems happy and confident.

GOTEN: ough god hes sofunny. He is VERY energetic and very loving. Partly due to age and partly due to who his father is, he is pretty thick-skulled. Definitely naive. Not a pushover, holds his own, but he does defer to Gohan's direction, trusting dearly.

GOTEN & TFUNKS INTEEACTING: immediatly we see something change in Trunks. Goten is the same but Trunks changes. I think it's becasue the expectation of the tournament changes him, hes in public, hes wearing a certain face, etc - but when he was informed that he had to fight in the Junior Division, his voice dropped an octave and he says to Goten smth to the effect of "you hear that Goten? What a load of barnicals."

It makes sense given who Trunks's parents are that he knows how to trash talk in a fight. It also makes sense that Goten didn't know what he was hearing when Trunks was spitting shit with that blond-mullet kid.

Trunks isnt even that particularly arrogant, but hes defintiely a kid who is behaving how he thinks he ought to, I.E. doing the best with what has been modeled for him.

Bless his heart - he didnt even know enough to know to go easy on Mr Satan. No one fucking tells this kid anything.

Goten has no tact or finesse. His father is a genius when it comes to battle, though he had his sloppy moments as a youth - but even accounting for that, Goten isnt the prodigy that Goku was. Unlike Goku, Goten has genuine hobbies and interests other than fighting, so he just cant dedicate all of his soul to that.

And he just lacks tact and finesse. It's becasue he's 7 but to be honest he is 100% DEFINITELY EXACTLY LIKE THAT in DBGT as well.

Goten shoots that kamehame-ha and destroys a bit of the building. Meanwhile Trunks has the foresight to Not blow up the audience with his ki blast. He also had the good sense to suggest that they stop using ki blasts. Trunks has received good training. Meanwhile Goten is out here just going for it

Trunks has a set of inner rules that hes following: he has guardrails: he has a sense of order, he understands where he is in a hierarchy, his spirit is being tamed.

His inner rules are things like: keep it cool, dont let them see you sweat, listen to your parents, have discipline and control in battle, stay resilient, stay prideful, WIN HARD, keep it cool, do what you're supposed to do; the rules for the regular folk dont apply to you becasue you're cooler; do well by yourself, earn your keep, earn your pride, be sneaky and dont get caught.

Meanwhile Goten's inner rules are more like: BE POLITE, mind your manners, always stand back up, be fair, listen to what Gohan says, live and let live, be nice to everyone unless they're mean to you, dont hesitate to defend yourself when you feel slighted.

Goten's rules foster more self-direction and intuition, whereas I feel like Trunks's rules get him all shaken up in the long run. They're less in-the-present-reality based.

When Goten walked out into the arena, he was amazed at how many people there were. Every time he won, he was bashful, and gave a bow.

When Trunks entered the tournament grounds, he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked like his father. He kept his arms crossed against all the other contestants, feeling slighted at having been placed in the junior division to begin with.

Trunks really felt that he deserved better than the Junior Division, and he wasnt wrong at all; but the fact that he saw that, felt that way, and acted on it says a lot about the sorts of values that hes growing up with.

I feel like if it was just Goten, he would have accepted that and had fun.

When Trunks gets to be with just Goten, he becomes a lot more spontaneous, eager, and happy. But he changes when the eyes are on him. At the same time, hes used to people, living in the city and being rich and all. I guess that's why he knows how to behave around them. Or maybe hes just shy like his dad.

Goten didnt know how to act in front of all those people, so he just acted like himself..

But also, Trunks isnt perfectly natural around Goten, becasue he does like to be better than him. Becasue he expects it. Becasue he ought to be. Becasue his dad tells him so. Or, rather, implies it.

BUT when Gohan asked Goten how strong Trunks was, Goten sang his praises and said that he won Every Time. But when Vegeta asked Trunks how strong Goten was, Trunks gave a modest answer, and said that they were pretty well-matched, and he explains their discrepancy likely being due to just age.

IDK. These details fascinated me two years ago when I first saw it and I still like it. It's a good show....

[disneyanddisneyships]

@gyubby99

The Prophecy Of Imortal Fire 3

"You what?!" Elias practically yelled. "He Stabbed me!" "Yeah like 10 years ago! Give or take! Why would he lie now?! Listen, I've met his father. Not a nice guy, and not easy to beat in a fight. Even if Alistar was doing this for his father, he wouldn't have any chance against him in combat!" Ella argued. "Ella... he almost killed you! He kidnapped children, and your father.... he killed me for a hot second! He called you names, gave you trauma, hurt you! Broke you! How can you trust that?" Elias asked. "I don't! I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, but right now we don't have a choice!" Ella answered. Eli looked over at Alistar, glaring before his eyes softened. He sighed. "Fine. He can't wield a sword with a broken arm anyways," he muttered. "Youd.. be surprised...." Alistar replied, earning some looks from the group. "Oh.. god, no! I learned my lesson! Besides i-...." alistar trailed off as he glanced at Ella and Eli's kids in the other room. "I wouldn't take a parent from their kids," he muttered. "No, but you'd take a kid from her parents," Loreley spat. "... I'm sorry," Alistar spoke. Eli scoffed. "Dont say it to us," he muttered, glancing at Ella. Alistar looked down, embarrassed. Eli rolled his eyes. "Coward," he muttered before walking out of the building. Everyone followed. Except for Ella. Ella hesitated. "We were friends you know...." she stated. ".. I know," Alistar replied. "What in the world happened to you after we stopped contacting one another that day?" Ella asked. "Too much to fit into one conversation....." He whispered before looking at her. "I'm sorry. What I did was selfish, and wrong, and shitty. You didn't deserve that.... and fucking hell you are NOT fat. You never have been. And if I could go back in time, calling you that would be the first thing I changed," Alistar ranted. Ella kept a distance between the two. "I did what I did because I was in love with you....but my father taught me that love was weak.... and seeing you choose someone over me... broke me... and it reinstated the fact that love was weakness.... so I thought I could marry you by force..... but i..... I shouldn't have thought that," Alistar stated, tears brimming his eyes again. "Alistar.. I wasn't in love with you. You were my friend.... how could you have possibly thought that doing what you did would change that?" Ella asked, crossing her arms. "I don't know," his voice cracked. "I don't know what I was thinking.... I just made choices and i...... God I regret every single one," Alistar muttered. "I'm not gonna ask for your forgiveness.. cause I realize its too late.... but please.... don't let my mistakes create a leeway for my father to come in and Destroy the life You've built," Alistar stated. Ella stood there for a few moments before walking closer to him and hugging him. "I can't forgive what youve done.... not yet at least..... but.... I believe in the fact that you're telling the truth," Ella sighed. Alistar let out a breath. "Thank you...... I'm so so sorry.... I-I didnt..... I shouldn't've..... I'm sorry," he all but whispered as he tried not to cry.

........ The group as a whole stood in the dining area, a giant map on the table. "So if we can destroy his forces from the inside, we can possibly win... but how are we gonna get in?" Loreley asked. "Theres a passageway through the dungeons. I found it when I was 10 when he locked me in my cell after breaking a vase. I made it myself from a small hole in the wall," Alistar replied, pointing the area out to the group. Mia glanced at him. "How many times did he put you down there for you to make an entire crawlspace?" She asked. Alistar raised an eyebrow as he calculated. "Uh.... maybe 5 times a week. 2 if I stayed out of trouble," He answered. The group looked at him. ".. what?" He asked. "Okay, so we'll go through there. Do you have armor?" Ella asked, turning to alistar. "No. Just this," he stated as he gestured to his shirt and pants. "Hm okay. Elias will fir you for some armor later," Ella stated. "What so he can stab me with it?" Eli asked. "Elias," Ella scolded. Eli sighed. "Fine. We'll do it now so I can get it over with. Cmon," Alistar gulped as he followed Eli outside.

"Lose the shirt," Eli stated as he picked up some already made armor. "P-pardon?" Alistar asked. "The armor won't fit right if your measurements aren't correct and your shirt is too baggy," Elias stated, an unamused look on his face. "O-okay but can't we just-" "Oh my god do you want me to help or not?" Eli asked, clearly frustrated. Alistar sighed. Eli rolled his eyes, turning to grab a measuring stick. His eyes widened at the sight of all the scared on Alistar's back and chest, blending into smaller ones on his arms. "Woah.... what... happened?" Eli asked, almost forgetting what alistar did. Almost. Alistar sighed as he hung his shirt over a chair in the hut. "After my mom died, my dad thought waking me up by having people whip me was a wonderful idea... and when he and I dueled, he would stab me," Alistar replied. Elias' eyebrows furrowed. "You're really messed up, aren't you?" Eli asked. Alistar chuckled. "Yeah... I am...." Eli gave a small genuine smile before walking to work on Alistar's armor.

[chumpovodir]

You got into an argument with a Lenore simp on Reddit who is 100% convinced that she was a perfect angel who loved him from the get-go

My post on Twitter about how Hector should have shown more resentment and Lenore more guilt attracted the attention of three Lenector shippers who started to converse under my thread about how much Lenore "deserved" better (I didn't even attempt to follow their conversation, both because Twitter sucks as a confrontation platform and because where do I even begin)

I guess this week is Lenector Week. Can't say I'm thrilled.

Anyway I love when Hector in the games ran away from his mad Lord who was forcing him into a life he didn't want and then found love in a woman who came to genuinely like him as a person and human being 💖 I love when a victim of abuse finds their hard-earned freedom away from their abuser and they can heal properly 💖 I love when abusers pay for what they've done and are shown as being terrible people 💖 and most importantly, I love the them 💖

(to be fair, the dudes on my thread were being very civil when they disagreed with each other about some stuff, and sometimes they even said things I agreed with, such as "Isaac didn't deserve that big happy ending after all the shit he did in S3". Always nice to see I'm not the only one who thinks Isaac was too much of a darling babyboy of the narrative. Too mad it always came from the perspective of "if everyone got a sappy happy ending, then Hector and Lenore deserved one too, it's not fair", which I'd say is a childish way to see a story 🙄 and i'm being generous and not calling them out for ignoring lenore's actions. at least one of those people admitted they wanted to see them addressed properly before they could move on. baby steps.)

i wish that person's argument was just that Lenore was a perfect angel who twuwy wuvs Hector. i don't really take issue with people seeing Lenore as more compassionate than how she's presented, there's some stuff in the show that supports that view but i had to draw the line with the way they were very insistently downplaying or even justifying that it's okay Hector was essentially raped because he got a better bargain in the end. the wording "it was for his own good" is especially vile

the sticking point for me is that while, yes, she did manage to secure a better position for him, it still stands the way she went about it was downright heinous - she did not have to do any of that. especially when it was already established that she's supposed to be this master manipulator diplomat who holds all the cards, while Hector is easily manipulated to begin with, and has since the end of S2 been suffering indignity after indignity that no doubt already wore down his spirit. the situation was already so stacked in favor of Hector complying out of his own self-interest, i dont even know why the enslavement ring has to exist, and has to specifically be activated by the wearer declaring their loyalty except as a really roundabout way to justify that sex scene happening. it could've still been a magical ring that binds the wearer to a master, which she then could've tricked Hector into wearing by way of something innocuous like trying to show him they're all equals or something. the point is, the whole situation was set up in a way where she's clearly taking advantage of him, and because they just had to introduce a sexual element to it, people should just call a spade a spade and say she raped him because that's what happened. even if she didn't she was taking advantage of him for her own gain and that should be recognized as being y'know. a bad thing that outweighs any good she got out of it for Hector.

i know that person was probably viewing it super positively as a kink thing they enjoy, but the whole basis of kink is mutual consent which obviously none of that was and was just. so frustrating and lowkey kind of worrying to see someone just. not able to see a horrible, toxic relationship for what it is, just because it wasn't outright abusive.

also ahhhhh Hectaly my beloveds <3 their story is much simpler but do you really need more than that?

sounds like you got the better end of the deal lmao. it seems to me like Lenector shippers are at least willing to acknowledge all the parts of their (hypothetical) relationship, and it would actually be interesting to see how that would develop from such a rocky place. it felt like there should have been an entire extra season between S3-S4 to explore not just this, but the rest of the plotlines properly, and also build up to those happy endings

[soulofamy]

(Thanks for the ask, I'll get to it soon!)

I'll give you Liutana for the ship meme. Curious about how you view what's pretty much the OG MK ship.

i have so many mixed feelings about them tbh. now keep in mind, i got into mk with mk1 and the only other game i have seen the storymode for is mk11.

first i want to say that i respect the ship and i absolutely understand why its as beloved as it is. when you see them together you can really feel that ghe chemistry between them was earned. they are very sweet and tender together and you really cant help but root for them.

i think if i had started mk before mk1, i would probably like them more. they just work so well together, and they are very sweet. but BECAUSE i started in the game that literally establishes them as being doomed to never be together, i personqlly cant bring myself to care that much. i dont see a reason to invest emotion in them because there is literally nowhere for them to go. they literally live universes apart now.

that being said, when i went back to mk11, i felt sad because i really want to like them. theres nothing to not like about them. mk11 even ends with the idea that the two of them were going to rule the new era together. literally what could have been better? they deserved that happy ending after everything that happened to them. but then mk1 was like "actually no liu kang is all alone now and hes a sad man who will never again experience the joy of being with his friends or loved ones because literally everyone in the universe he lives in now is his creation and there will forever be a barrier between him and them that he can never overcome"

tldr i guess, we literally could have had it all but nrs shooting themselves in the foot in the same game that got me into mk is the reason i am stuck moreso passively admiring them from afar than seeking out content for them

[ithillyienseowyn]

See I've been thinking about this for quite a bit now in the midst of everyone trying to divide and conquer what version of The Little Mermaid is the 'best one' {TM} and then I think to just how linear and straight forward the animated actually is {not hating, far from it, and its something I definitely caught in the midst of my whole let me go prove my x y and z to everyone's a b c and d mentality}.

And I've been thinking about HOW and WHY the LA feels like such a gut wrench all consuming feeling, {mind you its all I've thought about for a whole half month}.

And I think its because they took care to expand so much of the story that wasn't just your standard animation and musical by pulling bits from the original HCA story, as well as pulling the whole bit of Ariel's mom dying from Ariel's Beginning and taking bits and pieces from Return to the Sea, add on to how AUTHENTIC the romance actually feels without being the straight forward linear beat for beat that the animated one is. Like they really took that and decided yeah no Ariel and Eric will still have that linear from the animated but we are going to really LEAN INTO the whole fact that they are actually strangers to acquaintances to friends to lovers. I'm kissing the ground for them making them friends in between literally everything but I think because that whole aspect rocked me so hard was because of how those two really just became besties on set as filming progressed. Which makes the whole bit with them saying goodnight even more insane because yeah dude realized he's in love but it had the whole vibe of {oh shit... I'm in love with my best friend?} and that's not even adding in the fact that you could actually FEEL everything Ariel and Eric were feeling as the relationship progressed... like this movie and Rob Marshall really said YOU THE AUDIENCE DONT JUST GET TO WATCH A SIMPLE DYNAMIC BETWEEN TWO YOUNGSTERS GROW YOU GET TO BE THE THIRD WHEEL TO THIS ROMANTIC JOURNEY NO NOTES. {Not to bring this up again but....the whole suddenness of how he grabs for her hand during the Kiss the Girl scene rocked me so hard the moment it happened that it literally nearly took me out.} That's why when they have the extra time separated after the battle with Ursula it just gets you in the most UNEXPECTED WAY and makes you see all the obstacles that are against them. In hindsight they could've made it so basic by not constantly throwing things at the both of them. But they deliberately chose not to so...

All that being said it really makes me think on just how much those two actually go through this whole entire movie because god the ending and them finally together and reunited feels so EARNED and DESERVED.

And I know it shouldn't shock me but I'm still thrown by the fact that out of all the disney live actions this movie is the longest out of all the live action runtimes.

I really don't want people thinking that I'm discrediting the classic when I say this but the difference to me is that yes I loved the animation as a kid but I also had a myriad of other Ren Era classics that I loved a tad bit more, it really depended on the day but sit me down with any of those era films and I will quote half of the movie {if not the whole thing} so this live action being one of my fave faves from the tip of the Ren Era is this weird euphoric feeling?

This movie is so special to me :') :')

[dear-mortality]

The shepherd prince

Chapter eight: a lesson about zatieon

Chapters

Enfys woke up the next day with their back cracking like little branches and a little cranky. Ether wasn't so affected by camping outside.

"Dear gods I forgot how this feels. I've gotten soft." Said enfys while stretching a little and bending his back.

"If it's so bad I can carry you upside down. I used to do that sometime for fun and i could hear plenty of cracks then." Ether suggested

Enfys's face changed into a look of horror

"THAT'D HURT LIKE CRAZY." He answered. Looking in pain just imagining that scenario. "I'll be fine. Let's just keep walking, we need to get to zatieon a little earlier than we told the ruler." He said while sprinting, his back cracked a few times through that but it stopped after.

"Oh yeah. What's zatieon? I remember the word from somewhere." Ether asked in confusion

"I forgot you dont know alot about anything outside the ruins. Zatieon is a neighbouring country to your fallen kingdom. Though the connection between the two nations was.....bad. the king and the last ruler of zatieon hated each other alot." Enfys talked while bringing out an atlas and showing ether the map. "See? It's not too far from you but the last ruler forbade any news or any sort of acknowledgement of your existence. The people didnt protest- they kinda hated your kingdom alot too. But your father sealed the deal by insulting the ruler and well. It's the reason they JUST realized your kingdom has fallen after over 20 years."

Ether looked a little sad but not surprised. "So nobody liked my kingdom and nobody cared when it fell huh?"

Enfys closed the atlas and looked him in the eyes. "They may have deserved alot but they didnt deserve this torture. My family doesn't think so. I dont either. And I dont think you deserve this fate at all ether." Enfys stopped him before saying this as to get him to focus. Ether looked like he blushed a little.

"Thank you.....hey what do I need to know about zatieon? Anything interesting?" He said while walking again hastily to change the subject. Enfys saw right through him but he played along.

"Well you see zatieon is a biiiiiig country. They didnt do any conquests or anything they just kinda flocked together from around the continent at the orders of some wealthy family heads who wanted to unite under one nation. They took as much space as they wanted and honestly it helped keep the country afloat. The country is run by the last rulers child- the one we're meeting- zaroth. The rulers keep the names and looks of their children a secret until they need to resign."

Ether looked interested. "That sounds very strange. To not know how your rulers children look."

"Oh its because they fight over the throne when the ruler steps down."

"Huh?" Ether exclaimed in surprise.

"The children of the ruler join the battle for the throne. After the ruler feels like they're getting too old to rule or feel like they want to retire they issue a form of tournament. The people in said tournament compete in many ways that show wits, strategical prowess and battle capabilities. They do it infront of an audience and they even get a watchbug to keep track of the whole thing to show it to everyone later. Contenders only get disqualified after they fail 2 trials in a row of the same type. The children of the ruler join the fray and have to earn their spot in the tournament. Of course the children get trained and everything before this moment but it guarantees no one will go easy on them or try to harm them too much based on a grudge. At the very end the contenders go against the ruler himself and they're either in or out. Zaroth and their sister aimanat competed and as I heard they both won against their father. And right when they were about to fight each other aimanat kneeled and swore allegiance to zaroth."

Ether looked fascinated and in awe. "So we are going into a country ruled by THE greatest person in it as they earned that title???? AND WE'RE MEETING THAT PERSON???"

Enfys looked a little jealous of how excited ether was to meet zaroth. "...yes."

"Alright then we're going to the river right before we get there."

"I'm sorry?"

"I need to wash myself before I meet that person. Oh I'll need your help hiding this though. *gesturing at his werewolf arm*"

".....sure!" enfys smiled a smile with full teeth that looked like it was forced but ether didn't notice.

"I'm so excited now! Anything else about zatieon? Anything else amazing?" Ether had star eyes while getting her face close to enfys's

"W-well....." enfys looked a little flustered. "There is ONE more thing. The people of zatieon have the ability to hear the magic going through things on command."

Ether slanted his head "hear?"

"Yes. Remember how I told you that your body makes a sort of current of magic whenever you use it? They can hear the power of your soul and how much magic you let go through your body when you make a spell."

"That sounds like alot of pain. You said magic is in every living being. They'd go insane."

"Well no they have this weird ability to center it on one thing. They studied its limits and everything but they have no idea of the origin. They only knew it started appearing sometime after the country was established."

Ether put his hand on his chin and wondered for a few seconds on why that would be.

"Well why dont we try finding it out! Like right now! I'm bored and my brain is totally burnt from all this information so I cant hear much more of it haha."

Enfys smiled and rolled their eyes. "Sure. Lets solve a mystery even the people who have the ability cant." He said sarcastically

"That's the spirit!"

"Wait ether-"

"So I think it maybe something they eat! Like how some plants make your mouth smell good for a while. "

Ether and enfys then kept arguing and brainstorming about this until night came. This time they had the sweet potatoes ready as ether brought extra.

Ether also tried getting the ground to be a little nicer on enfys's back. Enfys appreciated it. They laid down to sleep but kept the pheonix nest around.

"Hey enfys?"

"Hm?"

"I was wondering who the gods are. You mentioned them earlier today."

Enfys looked a little pleased. "You're one good student you know that?"

"Alright Alright! Let me do this how it should be done though." Enfys started making clouds and fog similar to what ether saw when enfys told him a story. Ether sat up straight, his excitement was apparent on how his eyes shined. "Its story time."

".....hehehehe. well now I do. But come on tell me!"

[nikethestatue]

I do not understand people who continue to insist Feyre is useless and didn't earn her title of High Lady. it's insane because if she doesn't deserve it then nobody else does. it also makes me think about what will they say about Elain if those dusk court theories are right and she and Az end up being the high lord and lady. the feyre hate is just insane and it makes me think that if feyre isn't "badass" enough for this fandom what will they say about Elain when she gets her book

Yeah, i think the issue is that as per usual, SJM couldn't work the magic right.

Instead of having Rhys grant this title to Feyre, as some kind of informal thing, which doesn't really come with any real powers, unless he wills it so, the title itself seems meaningless.

It's not a matter of deserving. It's a matter of SJM not staying true to her worldbuilding.

If the POWER that selects all High Lords, officially selected Feyre, then it would be totally fine. As it stands right now, her power only stems from her association with Rhysand her mate. Like, could she be a High Lady without him? No. If SJM did it correctly, then the Power would've officially chosen Feyre.

That's why we have all these issues with Rhys needing to tell others to bow to her, especially in Hewn City, or ordering his IC to keep the pregnancy issue a secret, and they all followed his orders. Like if Feyre was a 'true' HL, she wouldn't need Rhys. She'd come down to Hewn City, and the mountains would shake and everyone would just know--the High Lady is here. Like they know with Rhys.

The problem is, right now, it's simply a chosen title granted to her by her husband. Like a Queen Consort. She is 'a Camilla' right now.

As for deserving or not deserving--that's a hard question to answer. Firstly, I think 90% of these people dont 'deserve' to have the posts that they have. In the IC, it's all just pure nepotism.

Maybe Thesan and Tarquin deserve their titles. Tamlin? Beron? Not sure about Helion...

I know SJM doesn't care about any of this, so it's a moot point.

if we go some 'Elain is a High Lady' way, I'd like to see something different. I dont want Azriel or even Lucien granting her the title. I'd like for her to become one through magic and merit.

Is Feyre 'deserving' of her title? Yes. Should it have been written differently? Also yes.

[transinclusionary]

Ok but for someone who says they don’t care or are suppose ally’s to women you get really upset at women/ terfs I’m saying this as a gay trans masc you need to chill bc this just gives them receipts that all trans women are men who are misgonistic and violent seriously stop replying to them if it really doesn’t bother you

Lord have mercy, I'm going to summon the patience to respond, and give you the response this deserves. I'm going to level with you

I have never clarified what my gender identity is beyond "they/them" because I didn't believe my identity mattered beyond, only the content of my words. But if this needs clarification I will provide it so no one misunderstands me. I am not a trans woman. I believe this discourse shouldn't have to be done by trans women exclusively. Why must someone who opposes bigots be marginalized? Why must the marginalized fight the bigotry in their own oppression? Why can't I, a gnc cis passing queer woman be absolutely appalled and moved with rage at how awful these cosplay conservatives tarnish the very lavel activism with their existence?

It's not fucking fair how little people get in the world to help, and they get even less the more layers of intersectionality we get. And the lower you get the less society cares about you. The only thing you can turn to is fucking activism when you get so oppressed everyone has a fucking reason to hate you. So you join feminist circles to gain community, and a twisted fucking surprise, even the people who claim to care about gender liberation "feminists" dont care.

I'm allowed to find the struggles of others maddening, in the same way I would hope good white allies to find racism maddening or men to find sexism infuriating. If you're a good ally you should be MAD that someone of your same intersectionality can't just fucking treat people right.

It shouldn't be on trans women to take the brunt of this, or insist everyone ignores them. They don't ignore trans women! They go to safe spaces for women and harasses them, disseminates their photos, their information, and relentlessly bully them! Respectfully, I do not see how I am guilty for the anger I feel for the complete blatant acts of human depravity it is to bully a group of women who have a scary high suicide rate. By not talking about it and just expecting people to fight this issue with silence, I believe that we don't provide adequate community.

It is not just enough to be not a transmisogynist, you have to be anti-transmisogynists. I should not have to put my life in danger by standing up for black people in a room of trump supporters. But a white person should use what privilege they have to stand up for what's right. If I expect allies to do that for me, I need to do that for groups I'm allied with.

Thank you for reaching out. And in situations like these please, think about what you say. I believe you intended good with this post, but I also believe you could reflect on your words. I don't believe it's fair to call a black women aggressive for anger.

No minority should be responsible for the whole group of people, it's not fair to make minorities play by their bigots rules to be respected. Basic human respect shouldn't be earned through respectability politics.

[peaterookie]

Lupin III Chapter 41 Review

It's like 2 am.. friday on a school day hits hard tbh but dw I'm still alive! Lupin review is back again and not any better than last time :D

before i start, one thing i like to point out about the english title is that they somehow kept the japanese title but altered the "ku" in a different place??? why didn't they just remove it

anyways adult lupin is back along with goemon!! its nice to see them again (they are yassified in this panel fr)

goemon still doesn't like lupin as usual and lupin is back to steal from his master, as usual!

this time he wants the jito sword art, which is as best as i can describe it some kind of scroll about some sword technique he hires a bunch of assassins i believe but goemon kills all of them and hes like you cant get the scroll, asshole.

then lupin goes to goemon's master and asks for it hes quite a stubborn asshole about it so the master rejects him and he departs looking for other devious ways to get it

i love the constant gag of stuff getting thrown at him

then goemon and the master talk to each other they just shit talk lupin and how the jito scrolls can't be stolen and it has to be earned with merits

then this woman comes out of NOWHERE and she was listening in their conversation the whole time! she's like the most confusing part of this chapter for me she's either like a journalist that shoves her nose into everyone's business or working for lupin somehow

the tokyopop translation says: (after, i checked to make sure it matches the og translation and yeah they did a decent job with it)

Panel 1: "No? That's cool. I make up half of what I write anyway." (talking about how the scroll has to be earned with merits and whether it's true) Panel 2: "What a scoop! Lupin III is after the Jito Scrolls." Panel 3: "Front page for sure!"

needless to say she talks to lupin about it and he shows off the scrolls he's stolen... and some other stuff.

she's me while reading the shitty part of the manga

im glad monkey punch put in a character we can all relate to anyways lupin becomes a pervert towards her so she just smacks him on the head and leaves W move!

then we have a shot comparing the master's skills and lupin's in the master's side we have goemon and him skillfully defeating some assassins that they assumed was hired by lupin the journalist girl observes them and goes wow cool !

then we pan to lupan who tries to break these stone pillars with his legs

then ok this part is so funny the journalist girl was like wait he didnt break a single one lupin just walks away to his house all cool and then its revealed that all his limbs are broken

WHAT DID HE THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN??? im losing it rn

after that the master and lupin decides to duel he puts down the scrolls and if lupin can beat him then he can take it lupin is up on this cliff thingy while hes below the waterfall

and yeah goemon is there too he doesn't do anything he gets immediately sidelined as the master tells him to leave since its 1v1 fight

lupin asks the master to give him 10 seconds to prepare himself until they make their first move and then when 10 seconds passed lupin reveals that he was in the water the entire time, limbs intact, and kills the master classic lupin plot twist i dont even have the energy to question it tbh

im assuming after that he takes the scroll and as foreshadowed from the panel where he showed off the bras to the journalist... he tries to have smex with the journalist but he fails aaand gets a bucket smacked on his dick

as deserved!! also that left top panel looks TERRIFYING JESUS CHRIST sorry lupin but you cant get your extra trophy but at least you got the jito scrolls the end.

this chapter's ending confused me a lot at first but after the review it seems like i got it i think

even as a manga fan reading the first manga series is rough but doing these helps me appreciate it more :) my review is shitty and just done for fun after all but hopefully from this people can be more encouraged to read it

[cassie-moore]

Well its time write out the feelings i just bottle in heart

Im trying to be better about letting them out

Transfer this to the new journal but then close it. Make it the last entry

I dont know how to start- just let it flow out. My first thought is how she can say WTAF when she just gets flown everywhere and handed everything. Most importantly, his time and attention

But then there’s me.. who am i to him. As if i dont sense a world of stuff spanning so many and then the back and forth ive been dealing with that same WTAF for over three years. Zero comfort from him. Earning three worlds full more than her…with zero reward. The absolutely adorable Phoenix and i think of Coconut and her love for pit bulls. Phi Phi just gone. Coconut the most cuddly and sweet would loveee to be curled up w him like she is me now. His recording studio, the red stairway, all the things, all this shit ive never gotten to share or quietly talk thru with him.

The man i remember - he thinks i dont know but somehow i do.

He has no idea how strong ive had to be and from what i hear she got more fun and i just see

“Gotta work 😈”

It feels like reward the lazy, and step on the quality - i pretend not to notice the jerky when he does stuff or the cryptic posts. But i am done receiving cryptics. Im so much better than this chick and he doesnt seem to even get it. Or how i am not just better, but also better for him.

Him.

I want real connection

I am real and quality. I deserve real. I deserve to be kissed. I deserve new friendships. I love flowers so much but he doesnt know how i am with nature or gardening or roses or tulips. Ive watched everyone get them from him and have songs written for them, ive watched her get flown to places and then pout when she doesnt get more out of him. Hell, i dont pout at all. Ive never pouted in my life.

Like today. Waking up to what i did and just pushing it down after saying to myself in the mirror, “it may be that same WTAF that she likes to always throw at him on the gram, but everything happens for a reason”

And the gram, his fans said she was prob told by him to slow her roll on the gram for a few weeks but the sec shes comfortable again, she bounces rt bk to her same posts that consist of her selfies and secret (that actually arent secret story messages to him🙄) It did. And here we are.

I want my man back. I dont know where he went. My work is amazing. I want to be able to share the music with him. I want real. I dont deserve to be tabled, im not some bet or gamble, im solid every which way and wonder… even in my brokenness. Which i save for the privacy of my little so called garden around my heart.

I deserve real.

And the shittiest part about it all before all this instagram scamming me of people pretending to be on his team and telling me to say the things i said combined w my humor bc they wanted to play w him. Had i just been able to go back and be smarter about the bullshit that comes in “Fandoms” (something i have never been a part of and have utterly ZERO experience with bc im not that kind of fan) … had i been able to go back to the beginning,

The Gerald back then would have understood. I want that Gerald back so fucking bad, i cant think about it or i start to get tears

[sadblckaquariusgirl]

Ranting Journal #1

i've never known what it was like to just feel accepted. or be good at anyting. ever in my life.

every trophy or award i got... it was just participation. the only time i did get a award that i 'earned' it was for the TAKS test... which is just a standardized test in Texas...that no longer exists so does that even mean anything?? and i was in the 8th grade...so i really don't think that counts.

its something more than saddness what i feel. like a grief but not even that seems like the word. and i'm angry... fuck i'm so fucking angry. because like WHY? ya know?

i keep asking myself like what i did? what is it that i continue to do to deserve the shit that I get. And I obsess and i think over and over and over and i cant...come up with anything. that i did to deserve being so fucking alone. and constantly mistreated. Not to say i can't say when I've done wrong cuz I can, i pick my wrongs apart. but what i'm saying is my wrongs... the consequences for them...they don't align. its like a massive consequence for what? and that's if i did something. Usually the thing is just...me being mysefl. or expressing an intererest. God FORBID i open up and go vulnerable on someone. then its just flat out Neuclear....sometimes i laugh because...what the fuck you know lol

how can i be 29, almost 30 and i don't know what romance means. I don't know what its like to have a group of friends and laugh with them. I don't know what its like to have a relationship with my family that didn't make me feel like shit. or an alien or like i should have been born into another family. I don't know what its like to be taken care of. or considered or seen.

i've never been kissed, like honestly. not just because a guy feels like he has to because we're hooking up. No i want, a real kiss. I want a 'you are so beatiful, i can't express it in words, the only thing i can do is kiss you' type of kiss. i want someone to hold my hand. in public. i wanna go on dates. nice dates. I want someone to introduce me to their friends and gush about me and i want them to be teased becasue of how love sick they are because they think i am just that great. I want to be considered, my feelings, my likes and dislikes. I want someone to hold me just becasue they want to. and i want to feel safe with someone.

but all i get is rejection or negative feedback and i just...i don't know why? its so fucking odd. All i do is self- reflect, and try and psychoanalyze myself. to the point where its probably obsessive. becasue i just want to fix me.

i just want someone to tell me what it is about me that's just so wrong, and off and not right. tell me what it is, so i can fix it. i'm willing to fix it. but no one will tell me what it is. instead they just gaslight me. when i say i'm not getting xyz but i see everyone else is they tell me to stop comparing myself.

thats what everyone loves to say... but like... i'm a logical person ya know. i deal in evidence. and what i see. and the patterns and what happens. and i can fucking see it. how i'm treated vs everyone else! and its different. the problem is i don't know why i can't see what it is thats wrong about me. So when i say 'what do i have to do?" and you tell me 'be myself' i just feel fucking insane. BECAUSE I AM!! I AM BEING MYSELF 100% AND YOU FUCKERS STILL DONT LIKE. ME YOU STILL DON'T WANT ME. AND I'M STILL THE FUCKING VILLAIN!!! So what?? Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me, so i can fucking fix it. because i am so fucking tired of being alone.

i'm almost 30. and i don't have anyone, and i've never had the warm fuzzy feelings, or secure feels, or anything real. I'm almost 30. with no friends, living at home again (biggest mistake was moving back) in between jobs....no boyfriend or prospects.....

i wish i could just go numb from it all. i don't want to feel like this anymore. i don't want to just keep wondering what i did. "waiting for my people" and all that shit. I just want to disappear. becasue.... it downa't matter.

i'm not good at anytihng. i'm talentless. fat, kinda not cute (I'd say i'm a sollid 5.5...6 on a good day with makeup)

i just want to know what it feels like for two seconds. to be praised. and loved, and understood and an accepted and. considered and seen. and be talented an rewarded for work.

I just want my brain to .. idk i want someone else brain. just for a day. i'm convinced that if i had a different brain. one that was never hit, or screamed at or told was 'the problem' or was bullied, or that moved a 1000 times....if i had a fresh brain....i know i wouldn feel this way. and thats what makes me even more angry. Because IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT

she ruined me. she broke me. its like i never had a chance, and yeah its my 'responsibility' to fix it. go to thereapy and heal. But i didn't break me! i didnt' fucking do it. so why do i have to fix it. I was fine before! I was the mona Lisa. and she ....took a knife to it. and so did they....and them after that... and them...like over and over and over.

i just want a break.

and i want to feel my life isn't pointless.