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im-whatchamccallit · 4 years

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Crushcrushcrush//Kim Hongjoong (ATEEZ)

Request: Hi i was wondering if you could do a soulmate werewolf hongjoong x human female reader angst and fluff like she over hears hongjoong saying something and she gets sad and shy and worried and stuff.....

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst with fluff at the end, Werewolf!AU, Soulmate!AU, a bit of College!AU

Warnings: Hongjoong’s kind of a dick with irrational thinking, cussing I guess

Word Count: 7.2k

(A/N: Lets just pretend I didn’t disappear for 6 whole months, but i am back and my medication is no longer giving me the big sad so I’m a little more motivated to write.This isn’t the best work I’ve done, this is actually idea 10 for this prompt and idk if it’s executed properly but Imma keep trying and hopefully, to keep from falling back into a slump, I’ll start a new series so I have a regular scheduled fic for everyone. Also, I think I botched expressing the AUS here but just let me know what you think. Sorry for always disappearing, I can’t promise I won’t go off the grid again but I’ll try harder to be active in anyway)

Your mother always said crushes stayed crushes for a reason: they hurt. Bad. But you thought she was wrong, that your feelings for someone could one day be reciprocated later if not sooner, and that’s what led you to him. Kim Hongjoong. The day you met was a complete accident, your body slamming into his as you wandered aimlessly during your freshman year of high school. He was gorgeous with wide brown eyes, beautiful pink lips and cheeks, his hair styled differently from the other boys to reveal his forehead, showing his individuality. He was perfection.

“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” Those were the first words he spoke to you, his voice so gentle, so sweet. And the way he reached out to help you with no hesitation, holding your hands as he pulled you up effortlessly.

It was love at first sight, all until he looked down to your hands, eyes catching a glimpse of your wrist, a row of zeros peeking through the sleeve of your uniform jacket. He slowly pushed the fabric up, both your eyes widening to see your soulmate clock had finally timed out, his hands releasing yours to check his own wrist, a quiver to his lips as his clock matched yours, his once soft eyes now hard as he stared you down.

“Stay far away from me.” He warned, not saying another word as he headed to his homeroom, your body frozen as you watched him disappear. He was so harsh, yet you liked him. Maybe suddenly finding his soulmate scared him, but it was no problem to you! You were bound to end up together so you played the waiting game with him, being the perfect soulmate you could possibly be whether he accepted it or not.

And that led you here, now seniors in college and still acting the way you were when you met. Hongjoong was still cold, treating you like some plague while you could only smile along. You weren’t sure how you missed the fact you lived in a predominantly werewolf area until a public service announcement came on your television one night to remind humans to stay indoors during the full moon, that night dedicated to werewolves being as free as they could be, but it made you even more hopeful when you were on your way home from work one night, taking a shortcut through the woods since it lead right to your backyard.

You were 16 at the time, so the sight of a shirtless person would obviously make you flustered, but a shirtless Hongjoong? Enough to cause a nosebleed. He was 16 as well, the exact age a werewolf develops a mate bond and, seeing as you’ve already been confirmed as soulmates in the human world, the sudden desire to latch onto you and never let you go once you locked eyes only made your lifelong attachment more real, and he was freaking out. He didn’t speak, opting to shift without removing the remainder of his clothes, your eyes wide as he moved deeper through the thick trees and towards the horizon where the orange sky was in full view and, the grin on your face just couldn’t stop growing. You knew werewolves had a stronger drive to their mates, so the idea that he could avoid you forever was laughable. Sure, you were both 23 and he has uped his disdain for you from staying silent to calling you any vile name he could think of, but it was only a matter of time before he came around. You just knew it.

“(Y/n), stop gawking.” Miyeon joked, poking your side to snap you from your daydreams, your eyes widening when you noticed a few of Hongjoong’s friend’s catching your gaze, a blush painting your face as you turned away.

“I wasn’t gawking, just making sure their table was okay. I am their waitress tonight.”

“And every other night because you said, and I quote, ‘I wanna work at any table my Joongie’s going to be at!’” She mocked, your eyes rolling as you looked back towards them.

You took a job at a diner just a few blocks from both your apartment and college campus, the pay great and the distance convenient. It was the only time you had to yourself instead of lingering to Hongjoong, figuring out his classes and breaks to give him snacks and lunches you’d personally make for him since you overheard him complain about the campus food before, only to be told they tasted like shit and he’d find his own food. It was a bit of a kick to the face to hear that, but you had one saving grace: his pack. The first time Hongjoong sent you away with a bitter remark, they were curious about you, tracking you down when they weren’t with their alpha to get more info on who you were and what you found so loveable about the man treating you like some demon. They were surprised by how sweet you were and how accepting you were to be the unwanted luna of an eight-wolf pack. They could never hate Hongjoong but they sure as hell loved you just a little more than him. Unbeknownst to both of you, Yunho and Mingi found out where you worked, making a plan with the others to take Hongjoong there as much as possible so he would have no choice but to interact with you, even if he stayed silent to not appear like an asshole in front of the various strangers dining as well. Hongjoong would honestly never return if he had the choice, but something about the restaurant’s signature burger kept bringing him back, which is why he was here, sipping his soda angrily as he waited on his meal that would be served by his worst nightmare, you.

“I don’t know why you don’t just find someone else. Isn’t it easy for humans to reject soulmates? You could move on with no problems.” She said, helping you grasp onto the steel tray covered in various meals, a huff leaving you as you put on a bright smile.

“Because I know it’s harder to move on for wolves. You guys don’t have a choice on who your mates are, and you just accept it once you meet them. I know Hongjoong will accept me eventually, it’s just gonna take some time.” You gave one more smile before wobbling towards the table in question.

Hongjoong tried not to follow the gaze of his pack as they watched you happily approach them, letting out a huff as you adjusted the tray onto your shoulder, grasping the plates and placing them in front of the respective person, Hongjoong’s nose twitching at the smell of his burgers and fries, not wasting anytime to dig in as the other’s thanked you, but you shyly looked at the male before you, the tray pressed to your chest as you tried to find a casual way to speak with him.

“I-uh- I-I remembered last time you asked for extra cheese, so I decided to put cheese in the burger too! I hope you like it better than the tofu stew I made you for lunch the other week.”

“I didn’t ask for extra cheese this time, so why put it inside my burger where I can’t take it off?” He said spitefully, mouth still full as he set the half-eaten burger down.

Your smile faltered but bounced back as you reached towards his plate.

“O-oh! Well, I can take it back and make you another! This time I ca-“

“’This time’? You should’ve just done it from the start. Your job is to listen and do what you’re told and you can’t even do that? What can you do right?”

You swallowed hard, your eyes wandering to the people now staring at you as the scene unfolded, your heartbeat ringing in your ears as you tried to hold it together. The worst he’s called you in an idiot and that was usually under his breath, so to practically say it out loud, in front of strangers while you were in the middle of a shift and forced to do nothing but smile like you usually would, felt like you were being stabbed and burned simultaneously. You couldn’t keep smiling, looking down as you tried to apologize, only for him to cut you off once again.

“Go bother someone else. Or hide in the back if you’re just gonna keep fucking up this much.”

The space was eerily silent, even with the soft music playing, your eyes not leaving your shoes as you shuffled away. It was a pitiful sight, Seonghwa releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as you went to a neighboring table to retrieve plates and glasses left by a couple from before. He was ready to tear Hongjoong’s head off, not as a gamma to an alpha but as one friend to another, his jaw tight as he prepared to berate him the way he did you but, somehow, Wooyoung beat him by asking a question none of them thought to ask before.

“What did she ever do to you that you have to treat her like that?”

There was a strange but tense silence as they awaited his answer, watching him taking small bites of his fries as he stared ahead at nothing before turning to them with what could only be described as a sadistic smirk.

“Imagine being 13 and finding out the best years of your life, the years of dating, hooking up, just discovering who you are, are gone because your mate decides to show up and take that from you.”

“Are you fucking stupid? That’s the reason we have mates, so we can do those things with one person instead of random people!” Seonghwa nearly yelled, trying to keep his voice low as to not alarm anymore spectators again.

“For the past 7 years, I’ve been trying to get her to leave or just reject me, but it’s clear to me now that she’s just an idiot that doesn’t understand she’s not needed, by me or anyone. And, if you’re as dumb as her, I’ll simplify it for you: she’s unwanted.”

Whatever pain you felt before suddenly disappeared into a numbness you couldn’t explain. He knew you were there, that you could hear him, that you would hear him, and yet he still said it. You were conflicted and sad, your lips curling in a mixture of disgust and anger before settling on a bright smile. Never mind the fact your tears finally spilled over, that your heart ached with every beat and your body felt heavy with the weight of being rejected by someone you waited so long for, you just had to smile. Soulmates were supposed to be a sure thing, supposed to be your happily ever after, yet it just turned out to be a crush, one that you should’ve let die the day you met him.

“(Y/n/n)…” Miyeon spoke cautiously as you made your way towards the bar, your other coworkers watching from beside her as if you were some strange spectacle.

“We have to start cleaning, y’know? It’ll help us get out of here a lot faster tonight.” You said in your usual cheerful tone, tears still flowing and a faint crack to your voice.

“How about you just head home for the day, (Y/n)? We can handle everything from here.” Your manager said, her eyes scanning your face as you moved past them and to the kitchen, their bodies following instinctively.

“What? No! I’m fine! We still have 4 more hours to go and I think if I get a head start with the chefs for tomorrow lunch specials I ca-“

“(Y/n), please-“

“I’m fine, Miyeon! Really! It’s not like I got broken up with or anything, I never even had a boyfriend! Just a crush on someone that thinks I’m a waste of space! Isn’t that super ironic? Spending most of your life chasing after someone that wants nothing to do with you? That’s really funny, right?” You choked out, lips pursing into a thin line to keep in your sobs but your attempts were futile, everything slowly starting to hit you at once until your body collapsed, one of the other servers catching you before you hit the ground.

It was all a blur from there, the words of comfort everyone offered turning into muffled noise as your cries of agony came out freely, the way Miyeon dragged you from the emergency exit at the back of the building and to her car to take you home, and even when you crawled into bed and managed to sleep despite the pounding headache. 7 years came and went and there was nothing to show for it. No soulmate, no boyfriend, no romance, not even a friendship. You were empty and for some reason the only thing filling your heart and mind was the person who broke you.

It felt like time stood still yet hours had passed, Hongjoong back in his own bedroom pressing away at his keyboard, stopping occasionally to write a few notes down from his new composition, but he wasn’t distracted enough to hear his door open, various footsteps entering and even a few bodies settling in on his bed, his eyes not bothering to leave his notebook as he figured this moment would come.

“You don’t need to lecture me.” He grumbled, going back to play a few more notes only to find his keyboard unplugged, Mingi tossing the cord away as his alpha stared him down.

“It’s only a lecture if you listen and learn, which you won’t, so we’re gonna make you feel as bad as possible for driving away the only person that gave a shit about you.” San said with a bright smile, a scoff leaving Hongjoong as he finally turned in his chair to face them, eyes scanning the room to see this situation wasn’t playful but truly hostile, almost like an ambush.

“So, you guys don’t care about me?”

“Trying to get you to accept your soulmate so you don’t die shows we care a lot more than we should.” Yeosang spoke, making himself comfortable as he sat against the pillow and headboard.

“But we’re the real assholes for trying to force her with someone as shitty as you.” Seonghwa finally said, Hongjoong’s head snapping in his direction as he let out a dry chuckle, shifting in his seat so he was leaning backwards, arms crossed as he told himself to stay calm during his friend’s potential tantrum.

“I feel like you have the most to say since you’ve been in love with my mate the longest, so go ahead, tell me how I’m such a bad man, Seonghwa. I’m all ears.” His smugness made the tension worse, Seonghwa stepping closer with clenched fist.

“I’m not in love with you mate, but if I didn’t know someone was waiting for me because we were fated to be together, maybe I would have asked (Y/n) out, because she deserves better than a lowlife with the brain function of a dead goldfish. But I respect her too much as your mate and my luna to not push those boundaries so I tried to help her get closer to you because I know you, Hongjoong. You’re not an asshole or a jerk, but to her? You treat her like shit, when really you’d have no one without her. You’re a short, scrawny, nerdy moron that locks himself in a dark room for days on end just to complete a single project, then emerge to eat cold pizza and watch Despicable Me because your pea-sized brain can’t comprehend anything that isn’t brightly colored animation. If you take away your alpha status, no girl would even look in your direction but you have someone literally at your side, the only human not afraid of you, trying to figure out everything there is to know about you, yet you can’t give her the time of day. You probably don’t even know a damn thing about her.”

“Unfortunately, I know more than enough about her.” Hongjoong spoke, all amusement gone as he glared at the older male, their mindlink clogged with threatening growls and barks, trying to keep their fight from getting physical.

That first sentence alone made Hongjoong’s blood boil, his face contorted in a mixture of pain and disgust. How could Seonghwa even say that to him, plotting to steal his mate all because he was a bit uncertain? That all it was, uncertainty! He didn’t hate you, or wish you weren’t around, he actually grew to anticipate and enjoy your ramblings about your day or whatever new thing caught your attention, he actually even loved the lunches that you’d make for him. He couldn’t help that over the years he grew to crave you more, but the thought of fully accepting you and solidifying that the best years of his life were about to be gone, restricted to one person forever before he could even determine for himself his likes and dislikes, what he considered real love rather than what fate wanted him to feel, was terrifying. So he distanced himself from you, spending the years watching you from afar in hopes that if he didn’t get too close he wouldn’t lose his free will completely.

But it was a bad habit that seeped into your college years, everyone assuming he cared so little for you when he knew everything there was to know. He knew where you worked before any of the boys did, where your apartment was, the fact you were a business major planning to open a bakery once you graduated, he knew you didn’t have classes on Fridays but always came back on campus because you prepared meals for the men’s and women’s wrestling team which is where Jongho first met you, he knew you hated mint chocolate chip ice cream just like him but loved chocolate ice cream with mint chips, he knew you were always cold but overheat at night and wake up at exactly 3am to change into shorts and a tank top to be more comfortable, he knew about the birthmark on your lower back and a scar on your hip from a cat scra-

“Holy shit, you’re insane.” Wooyoung breathed out, Hongjoong’s eyes focusing on the room in front of him, a mixture of shocked expressions and amused ones filling his vision.

“I liked it better when we thought you hated her but, hyung, you’ve been stalking her since your freshman year of high school?” Jongho asked cautiously.

It was a weird feeling bubbling inside Hongjoong, the primary one being embarrassment. He knew he’d sometimes unintentionally rant in their mindlink whenever he was upset but to make an almost decade long secret public to his pack, revealing the intimate details of how you slowly but surely ingrained yourself into not only his brain but his life until he felt like he was going crazy? It made him tear up, his face burn with a blush as he was finally forced to face the truth. He pushed you away but wanted you more than anything. He wanted to spend his years free to explore before finally settling down only to reject every girl that came close to him simply because they weren’t you, and he took that anger out on you. What was he so mad about? The fact you stood by his side with a smile happily accepting him while he tried and failed to lust after other women? Was he that pathetic? He could admit now that he was and, if he could turn back time, he would’ve introduced himself and walked you to class. Just the first step of fully accepting you.

“You’re still ranting in the mindlink, you know?” Seonghwa said softly, regaining the once again lost focus of his alpha who was too consumed in his own pity to notice the tension died down, their gazes soft as they tried to sympathize with their leader.

“Sorry. I wish none of you heard that stuff.” He admitted, sniffling as he realized he’d been crying, hand hurriedly wiping away tears from his cheeks.

“Well, it’s a good thing we did. We still think you’re a moron, but at least we know you’re feeling guilty about all of this.”

“Don’t worry, Joong, if you know (Y/n) like we do, she always sees the best in people, so she’ll forgive you. But you still have to apologize.” San followed up Mingi’s words, wrapping an arm around Hongjoong shoulders while giving a bright smile in response to his weak one.

“She’s my TA in Calc 3 and I have that class around noon tomorrow. She always stays after in case anyone has questions, so I can stall until you get there.” Yunho offered, Hongjoong feeling a slight warmth in his chest thinking about it all. He’d let go of his insecurities, fix everything he’s done wrong, and finally have you as his. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

And tomorrow did come, but you were nowhere to be found. When Hongjoong arrived to Yunho’s class, he was met with a sympathetic apology on the account that you didn’t show up that day, you weren’t even at any of your other classes. The boys even tried to find you at work only to be met with a mob of your pissed coworkers led by Miyeon, threatening to rip their heads off if she saw their faces again. And that lasted for nearly 3 days, Hongjoong’s hope slowly dwindling away until he noticed two figures sneakily meeting halfway at the school’s entrance to exchange a large white cooler.

He recognized those bulky arms anywhere, and the thick Aussie accent was a dead giveaway as well, especially when it was followed by a distinct giggle. There was no mistaking it was Chan, but he could barely see the person with him, their voice low as they spoke to him and face hidden beneath a hood, but the scent emitting from them was strong, and beautiful, his eyes widening as he finally took it all in. You looked different, wearing a dark grey matching sweat suit which was a complete 180 from your usual attire, and you smelled faintly of passionfruit, possibly a change to your normal shampoo in an attempt to disguise yourself, but that thought only made his heart hurt more. Were you intentionally avoiding him? He could understand you hating him now but you were even ignoring the others in his pack, going from friends to complete strangers in a matter of hours and leaving them all devastated. He was going to fix this, here and now, if not for him and you than for his friends.

“Jongho’s been pretty upset about you not responding to his text. It’d really help if you stopped by to at least let him know you’re okay.” Chan pleaded, giving you a dimpled smile and hopeful gaze that made it impossible for you to hide your blushing face and grin.

“I just need a little more time, Chris. It’s like if you broke up with your mate and all the friends you made through her left you too. Except it’s me being broken up with by someone who was never my boyfriend and his friends came to me instead of me going to them. But, still, it hurts all the same.” You laughed slightly, trying to find some humor in the situation.

“You’re the only person that still calls me Chris.” He commented, trying to redirect the conversation as you clearly weren’t fine, neither of you noticing the burning glare just a few meters away.

“I just think it fits you best.” You admitted, neither of you breaking eye contact until you gasped, staring down to the box of food and drinks you bought.

“You should hurry to practice. You need to eat beforehand otherwise you’ll be weak after warmups alone. And I worked hard making those sandwiches and cutting that fruit, if it goes bad because you stayed here to cheer me up, I’ll really be mad.” You tried to put on your best scowl, your scolding undermined by his amused laughter.

“Alright, fine. Just stay safe, please?” You nodded, waving as you watched him turn to head to the school’s gymnasium, missing the way Chan glared at Hongjoong as he continued forward. Chan and Hongjoong’s packs were close, family almost, so the news of what Hongjoong did and why reached them in no time, and Chan was hoping today things would be fixed soon because, apart from you being the wrestling team’s beloved personal chef, you were like a sister to him.

You wasted no time leaving the campus behind, ready to go back into the darkness of your bedroom to forget you existed. You really wish you could disappear, that the ground would split beneath you and swallow you whole, but you couldn’t just leave when your phone was filled with calls and messages from friends and coworkers wondering where you were and if you were fine. So many people cared, what kind of person would you be to leave them all alone like this, especially when all they wanted was to help you? But being alone helped, trying to live life as normal as possible while adjusting to a Hongjoong-free lifestyle helped. It would take some time, but you’d find your normal someday. All you had to do was avoid-

“(Y/n)!” Your body froze.

He rarely called you by your name but his voice was distinct on its own, and it was the most sickly sweet thing you’ve ever heard. You wanted to run, to never have him see you like this. Dear god, how did you even look right now? You felt like shit, you probably looked the part. Dammit, Hongjoong was right all along, you were shit. You were worse than shit, you were just pathetic. A pathetic, lovestruck loser itching to just turn and say hi, to have the conversation you always dreamed of but you knew that wouldn’t happen. He’ll yell at you again. He’ll-

“(Y/n)? H-hi…” Hongjoong said shyly, standing right in front of you as you shrank into yourself.

His brows furrowed as you looked away, mentally arguing with yourself as you went over the days of self-reflecting you did, trying to find some lesson from your solitude to aid in this situation and it was starting to scare him. You were never quiet with him, you always had something to say even if it wasn’t important but, luckily, he had something important to say and hopefully you’d listen.

“I- T-the other day…. I w-was…. I-I’m sorry.” He stammered out, this confession a lot harder than he thought, especially now that you were facing him, eyes just as innocent as the day he met you, but he couldn’t run away this time.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. Everyone told me I was an idiot and I think they’re right. I treated you like you were garbage for years, all because I didn’t want to be mated so young. I just wanted to date around before I finally settled down with someone and, m-maybe I could’ve just said that, so you didn’t have to wait around for me all these years but, I never hated you, and I can’t hate you. I know you won’t forgive me right away but I think it’s only fair that I can be a good mate to you now.”

He swallowed hard, trying to suppress the desperate ‘please’ he wanted to add as your pupils began to shake, almost as if you were a machine malfunctioning, none of your self-reflecting preparing you for this moment, the only thing coming to mind being some sad blog article you found during your second day of isolation. ‘Forgiving and forgetting too soon is dangerous. Find yourself’. It wasn’t what you wanted but maybe what you need, what he needed. So, without hesitation, you smiled brightly at him although it never reached your eyes, clearing your throat as you tried to keep your voice steady.

“Hongjoong, I can’t forgive you easily. I waited for you, I tried to make you accept me and it always ended up with me getting hurt. Honestly, if I just treated you like a regular crush, maybe we could’ve forgotten we’re meant to be together until after graduation or something.” You laughed awkwardly, wanting to look away as his eyes softened in the saddest way, but you needed to do this, eyes locked on his as you exhaled through your nose.

“I couldn’t be by your side all the time, so whether you dated anyone is still a mystery to me but, I’ve been alone for seven years hoping you’d come around, and I think it’s time I take those years back. I’m not sure if what you said counted as a rejection or if we’re still mates but, if we are, we’ll come back to each other eventually. For now, I just need some time.”

You managed to walk past him without completely collapsing in tears, speed walking back to your apartment as you tried to swallow sobs, not even taking in the way Hongjoong stumbled to follow you, almost like a zombie as he attempted to plead for you to reconsider, to force himself to accept your decision but ask how long you needed, but he couldn’t do that. He tried to picture himself in your shoes, seven years of pining only to be publicly humiliated by the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. He couldn’t blame you for not forgiving him, and he sure as hell couldn’t force you, so he let you go, trudging in the opposite direction to his two story apartment just to hide in his bedroom until he didn’t feel like dying anymore.

But as more days passed and it only got harder for Hongjoong. He barely left his room but also never slept, every song he created was played in minor scales to fit his now melancholy life. The charisma he typically exuded was hidden with puffy red eyes from crying and a yellow knit sweater a few sizes too large for his body but it was the only thing that comforted him at this point, especially when knowing you had reconnected with everyone but him.

After exactly one week of distancing yourself from the world, you caved and meet with the boys individually (sans Hongjoong), apologizing for needing space although they completely understood, but the way each interaction ended made your guts churn with guilt. ‘Stay safe, luna’, that’s how all of them addressed you before they left, leaving you filled with the desire to return to how things were before. You missed your friends and, the fact your mate was finally ready to claim you, only made you want to forgive Hongjoong sooner. But you needed to be your own person for once. You had seven years worth of relationships to catch up on and you wouldn’t let them keep you from that.

Except when they did.

You should’ve known it was risky letting them know you had a date so soon, just some other human on campus that had yet found his soulmate. They sounded happy for you, Wooyoung going so far to ask where you met and where your date would be and what time, giving suggestions on what to say and wear since it was “your first”. It was a sweet gesture, and you thought nothing of it, but that information meant everything to him which led to now, the boys huddled together in their living room with a slightly paler and sickly looking Hongjoong curled into the corner of their loveseat.

“So they’re going bowling tonight at 8:30? We could ask her about it tomorrow in case she’s into him because hyung isn’t looking too great.” Yeosang commented, everyone looking to Hongjoong as he managed to drown his entire body within the sweater, only his head visible as he stared ahead like some lost puppy.

“He’s just weak from not being around her for so long, but their bond is still there so he’s fine. But we have nothing to worry about. She won’t fall in love with him so don’t get too involved, she’ll just stop talking to us again if we meddle too much.” Seonghwa warned, a chorus of ‘Okays’ confirming their dismissal as they all stood to retreat to their bedrooms.

“Wait, who is she going out with anyways? There’s only 10 other humans at that school.” Mingi’s question cause everyone to freeze, the silence in the room contrasting with the faint answer Woooyung gave in their mindlink, Hongjoong turning to look at him with hurt and pain.

“Why didn’t you say it was Yugyeom?!”

“I did! Just not to you, until now because I forgot to tune you out.” He said shyly, flinching as Hongjoong ran past him and right out their front door, none of them sure of what to do at that point.

It was such a minor yet major detail. Kim Yugyeom was admittedly the most wanted person any of them could think of. Human girls wanted him, werewolf girls wanted him, most guys couldn’t help but stare whenever he passed by. He was gorgeous with eyes that sparkled every time he smiled. He spoke about his soulmate with so much passion despite never meeting her, following his words with how he’d treat any girl before her with the same love and care. It was a pick up line meant to hook any hopelessly romantic girl in, the sweetest way to say their relationship wouldn’t last. But this was Kim Yugyeom, they knew it was only meant with good intentions, not wanting to string someone along with the false hope they’d be together forever. And that’s exactly what you needed. To explore while knowing you’d always come back to Hongjoong. But that’s not what Hongjoong wanted. He didn’t want you dating anyone else, finding temporary happiness when he was supposed to give you a lifetime of it. And humans were more flexible with their soulmates, they had the privilege to move one without the pain or withdrawals of losing their mate. Werewolves just died if they were rejected, heartbreak and loneliness consuming them, so there was no telling how your heart would react to someone exactly like you. Maybe you’ll fall in love with him. Maybe he’ll abandon his soulmate for you once he learns how amazing you are. Maybe Hongjoong would die from lack of food and sleep before he even reached your apartment, which he was still sprinting full speed towards. It was only 7:30pm, meaning he had an hour before you and Yugyeom went out, but he didn’t have a plan. He had no idea what he was doing, but he needed to stop you before you found yourself in love with someone else.

It was like some scene in a drama, Hongjoong’s chest heaving as he finally came to a stop just outside your apartment. His body felt like giving out as he climbed the two flights of stairs to your door, only to find you waving shyly to Yugyeom just as he turned away, trying not to lock eyes with Hongjoong but Hongjoong’s eyes were only trained on you, yours finding his as a panicked look crossed your face. Should you look away? Go back inside? What was he even doing there? You never told the boys your address… You gasped as he approached you, swallowing hard as you tried to remain calm, but how could you stay calm when you finally got a good look at him?

“Oh my god, are you okay?” You didn’t hesitate to ask, stepping further from your door to examine him, reaching for his face only to stumble back to your original position. You were making great progress, you can’t do that now.

“I’ve been better, but even then I wasn’t fine.” He said with a dry chuckle, your lips curling into a fake smile to not show how much his appearance affected you. He looked like he was on the brink of death. You knew wolves would get sick without their mates, but was it really killing him? Were you killing him?

“Joongi-Uhm, Hongjoong, how about you sit down? You look like you’re going to faint.” You offered, stepping back to allow him inside, watching him stumble past you and straight to your sofa as if he owned the place.

It was such an awkward moment for you, watching the poor boy curl into himself as his sweater practically became his body, a sigh leaving your lips as you shut your door. Instead of healing yourself, you had to heal him. It was oddly pitiful but your instincts screamed at you to do it.

Hongjoong shut his eyes as he eased into your sofa, feeling more comfortable than he was in his own home, even more so with your scent invading his senses, your body warmth radiating onto his as you carefully took a seat, trying to figure out what to do.

“Do you need food, or water? Or a doctor?” You asked, the giggle he let out this time weak but still enough to make your heart beat a bit faster.

“I just need you near me.” He admitted.

You let out a squeak as he shamelessly fell into your lap, head comfortably resting against your thighs as he laid face up. You couldn’t stop your hand from easing through his unnaturally colored locks, melting at how soft they were, bottom lip trapped under your teeth as you had to fight off the desire to cup his face. You’ve never gotten this close to him and he wasn’t telling you to go away, instead letting out content purrs as he nuzzled closer to you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. Why couldn’t he just want you from the start? You’d would’ve been able to hold him like this all the time, to see him happy and healthy rather than a shell of his former self. But he didn’t want you, and now he was at your apartment just to keep himself from dying. It was silly to think he cared about you as much as he did himself.

“Of course you do.” You whispered, laughing bitterly as your hand left his hair, moving to his arm to ease him back up into a sitting position.

You couldn’t get past him no matter how hard you tried, nor did you want to, but every word he said, everything he’s done, followed you like a ghost haunting some poor unsuspecting soul. Why did you have to love someone who didn’t love you the same? Why was this your life?

“Can you just hold me a little longer? P-please?” He asked with a cute whine to his voice.

You sighed and grabbed his arm, gently pulling him back into his previous position, fingers massaging his scalp as he finally opened his eyes to look at you. You were beautiful, even with the frown lines etched into your face. He wonder how long they’ve been there, especially when he’s only seen you smiling. Maybe you spent your alone time more upset than he thought. Where you upset before he came? You couldn’t be when Yugyeom was here, no one could be upset with him around. Except Hongjoong. He felt a grudge building inside him just from the mere thought of him with you. He felt like interrogating you on what he was doing here in the first place and why you gave your address out to just anyone, but it wasn’t his place to ask and probably wouldn’t be for a while, but jealousy and rage was all he felt so any reasonable thinking was thrown out the window.

“I don’t want you to see Yugyeom anymore.” He said definitely, your eyes widened as you stared at him incredulously, an amused giggle leaving your lips.

“That’s not for you to choose, Hongjoong. I told you I need time-“

“Those seven years you’ve been waiting I couldn’t be with anyone else. I always compared every girl I met to you and none of them came close to being as perfect, now I have to watch you date some dance major with pretty eyes because I was an insecure dumbass? He has a soulmate, and he’s always going to choose them no matter how much you like each other, so why not save your feelings? I’ll wait as long as you want me to, but just don’t fall in love with anyone else.”

You tried so hard to hide your smile. This wasn’t something you typically liked, possessive guys being on the list of things you found annoying, but considering it was Hongjoong, his soft eyes hard and sharp as their hue seemed to go pitch black as his words were both sweet and demanding, made you fall in love just a little more than you already were. You wanted to take this as his confession, as a truce in your previous one-sided enemyship, to tell him that you told Yugyeom you couldn’t go out with him because you could only see yourself with Hongjoong, but you needed time. Not time to date and explore the way you thought he had, but to watch him work as hard as you did to prove he was ready and willing to love you. It was a little malicious, sure, but it was all in good fun. He’d always be your mate after all.

“I don’t know, Hongjoong, you really hurt me…”

“It hurt knowing I wasn’t with you.” Your smile cracked through, causing his own to appear, your game already over.

“And how do you think I felt? You think you can make up seven years worth of waiting so easily?”

You squealed as he shot up, magically seeming more alive than when he arrived, eyes full of life and his lips and cheeks the same rosy color as when you met him, hands warm and soft as he cupped your face.

“Good thing I have forever to do it.”

The silence was comfortable but unbearable, especially as he hesitated to lean closer, your lips puckering to guide him but he didn’t seem to be catching on and, when he did, you shifted back, laughing awkwardly as you stared at one another, both of you taking a deep breath as you finally closed the gap between you, a weird electric sensation you could only dream of as your lips slowly grew accustom to one another, moving so slow yet feeling so urgent. It was all still new to the both of you, romance and dating only now becoming part of your lives, but it was exciting knowing that you had years ahead of you to perfect it, your entire lives dedicated to loving one another. And it only took a seven year crush to get you here.

#ateez imagines #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #kim hongjoong imagines #ateez au #kim hongjoong au #ateez werewolf au #ateez soulmate au #kim hongjoong scenarios #kim hongjoong reactions #kim hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong angst #kim hongjoong werewolf au #kim hongjoong soulmate au #kim hongjoong fanfic #ateez fanfic #im-whatchamccallit

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chrolloctrl · 4 years

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How would be the adult trio in love ?? I'm really looking forward to your writing 😳😳💖💖💖🙏😎

omg this is something i’ve been thinking about so long since i feel like some people REALLY don’t write the adultrio well when they are in love. of course they are all borderline psychotic but i do not think they are incapable of love. i said what i said anyways let me continue

im going to do this as a head canon if thats okay!! if you want me eventually develop a specific character into a one shot i definitely will:)

warnings: like some mention of blood and fighting, maybe a lil mention of sexual things, nothing too bad tho theres one really explicit blood/gore mention in hisokas but that is a very hisoka thing so i have decided to leave it there

first i’m doing illumi bc yall miss with illumi so hard

okay so

first of all, he was a definitely a child with an avoidant attachment style

basically when mummy was there he was annoyed, when mummy left he didn’t care or was probably happy, and when mummy came back he was annoyed once again

this child did not experience love as a child

not once

zip

zero

nada

so u have to be patient with him im sorry to say

but it isn’t impossible

i think when he’s in love, he doesn’t realize it

he thinks he’s just in a sort of...agreement with you

but im telling u right now.. small acts of kindness are his love language

like if u guys were in a fight together and there was blood on ur clothes he would wash them and lay them on ur bed

and then u would be like “ok u didn’t have to do that thats so nice”

and he’d be like “i dont know what ur talking about”

and walk away

he would see like a book or something u like and read it just because u liked it too

he wouldn’t tell u tho he would just randomly bring up something from the book

and you would be like “oh u read it?”

and he would be like “no why would u think that”

and you would be like “:|”

with illumi u just have to be patient, i think eventually he would catch himself making ur bed one day and he would be like “fuck”

and realize he might have a thing for u

but he wouldnt believe it bc he is oh so emotionless and does not feel one thing at all

but he does he is just a liar

i think he would make his first move when he accidentally lets out all the emotions hes been faking not having and like just cries wishing he were loved and ur like

“i love u though illumi, a lot”

and he would just kiss u and like hug ur for 3 hours and then make u not talk about it ever again but u guys would just be in love and killua would be kinda pressed but he’d be happy u were illumi’s gon <3

okay let’s do chrollo next im sorry illumi’s was so long

alright

as u can tell i am in love with this man

and everyone always bashes me bc he has no screentime and a pretty basic anime antagonist backstory

but out of all of the adultrio i think he falls in love the easiest and with someone nobody expects

like he is a mass murderer and thief and ur like...a flower shop worker

he would just be walking in yorknew city and see u reading some obsecure ass russian literature while working at a flower shop and he’d be like “wait im intrigued”

then he would talk to u and u would be like

but also calm and reserved

and he would love that, someone who just vibes not a worry in the world

but then as he gets to know u he realizes u r not just a body bag who vibes

u r a human with actual emotions

something he probably swears he doesnt have

he would tell the rest of the troupe that ur just like...an experiment

and they would all buy it EXCEPT machi

she would be like “omg boss ur in love”

and chrollo would be like “um i dont feel that sry to say”

and machi would be like “ya sure lol”

you have no idea who he is like no clue he is the lead spider

but okay omg this part is gonna be corny

you would like hehe sorry im laughing thinking ab this

walking around yorknew city and he would almost step on a spider and u would be like “no!!! be careful!!” and pick up the spider and lightly set it into the grass

and chrollo would be like “why would u do that spiders r scary...right” *looks into the camera like hes on the office*

and u would be like “no..even spiders have feelings u know”

and then he would just like absolutely lose it he’d maintain composure but on the inside he would be like dhdkhduwojhfw

then he would kiss u and then he would finally tell the troupe the truth and machi would be sooo smug

oh and the troupe def likes u like that is a given

ur just so innocent and sweet its like impossible not to like u u make everyone put away their tough guy acts

and then ya u guys probably read to each other u weird fucks

but its cute and i love

alright now for probably the person who would take the longest to love someone

i dont know if u have read hisokas backstory one shot but i will try to explain the best i can

hisoka was in circus. lead man of circus say hisoka talented. lead man train hisoka to use nen. hisoka learns nen very fast. oh no serial killer is on the loose. oh no girl in circus almost get killed by serial killer. hisoka save girl. hisoka accuse lead man of being serial killer. lead man say yes lol i am. hisoka say okay i want 2 fight. lead man say sure lol i will kill u. hisoka kill lead man and girl in circus wonders where hisoka and lead man went.

okay now that thats out of the way

the girls name was abaki and i think hisoka liked her ngl

but that was before u know he got all gassed by killing lead man

he definitely thinks similar to illumi in the way that u r just a pawn in his plans

but u r def super strong and he is shook

he probably wants to fight u

but he still doesnt think ur strong enough

u live ur own life separately from his so he doesnt know much ab what u do in ur free time

one day he catches u training with someone else

and he won’t say it but hes lowkey pissed af

hes like “um wtf why didnt u ask me to train u

and ur like “literally why would i ever do that”

and hes like “what u think i cant train”

and ur like “u can barely control ur bloodlust hisoka :|”

hes like “yeah u know ur right i guess”

but he doesnt stop thinking ab it bc like why wouldnt u train with him

u decide to go on ur own lil mission and try to fight someone you’ve been wanting to fight for a while

you invite hisoka just to watch, you tell him you just want him to sit around this time since you always sit around and watch him

he expects u to get beat to a pulp ngl

but you like completely obliterate the other person

this is too niche but u have such a gory fighting style. like ur def batshit crazy in a fight and loose all composure

hisoka is shook bc he did not expect u to go that crazy

u like bite the other dudes jugular and blood splatters every where

that was so gross but idk im into that weird shit sorry im tw’ing that

but hisoka is a weird mf so that def makes him horny for u

he like takes u back to ur house while ur covered in blood and theres a crazy look in ur eye still

and he realizes hes in love with u bc ur just as crazy as him

i feel like ur guys relationships spawns bc of how crazy u both are. u guys probably summon demons for fun

i feel like his love language is more i do for u what u do for me

like if u save his ass in a fight, he’ll watch a cheesy movie for u

its def a give and receive vibe but it works

or if he saves ur ass he makes u guys take a bath together

and ur like “this is so cheesy”

and hes like “um ur having fun tho right” *crickets* “yea thats what i thought”

muah gonna think ab this before i go to bed

alr i think i wrote WAYYY too much omg these are all so long i am so sorry, too many thought in brain keyboard go woosh

hope u liked it though <3

#chrollo #illumi #hisoka #chrollo x reader #illumi x reader #hisoka x reader #adultrio #adultrio x reader #adultrio hc #hxh hcs #hunter x hunter #illumi hc #chrollo hc #hisoka hc #adultrio headcanons #i loved this omg head canons r fun to write #lmk what yall think #also im taking requests #pls

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katnissmellarkkk · 3 years

Text

Okayyyy chappy seven 🤩 Here we goooo 🥳

Lord, Katniss always had nightmares 😭 even before the games, between her father’s death, her mother’s abandonment and the other traumatizing things she saw in her life, my girl never slept peacefully a day in her life 🥺.

She even indicates that she sometimes has nightmares about past hunger games 😭😭😭. Someone protect my smol child. Please. Someone.... Someone? Anyone? No? Okay 🥺

“I bolt up screaming for my father to run as the mine explodes into a million deadly bits of light.” This is such a powerful image and it really does show that Katniss has literally envisioned all the gory details of her father’s death for the last four years. This is so sad 😞

Also though. Katniss really doesn’t talk much about her father’s death after the first book and definitely doesn’t describe nightmares about it. So .... like basically, the games traumatized her so badly that, her father failing to escape the mines as the collapsed in on him, crushing him into the pits of despair, the possibility of rescuing his corpse deemed unimaginable, pales in comparison? Yes I just tried and failed to phrase that long run on sentence the way Katniss phrases her nightmares about her dad dying, yes that was over the top but you know what? So. Is. Katniss.

“Dawn is breaking through the windows” Twilight reference 😬😬😬. I couldn’t stop myself, y’all. Forgive for please.

“The Capitol has a misty, haunted air.” Katniss, you’re from the butthole of Kentucky, the air you’re used to is probably humid as all get out 😓😓💦😅😅

“I must have bitten into the side of my cheek in the night. My tongue probes the ragged flesh and I taste blood.” 😒😒😒😒 this feeling ..... is .... v v v .... distinct .... and .... familiar 😕🙁☹️

“I end up hopping from foot to foot as alternating jets of icy cold and steaming hot water assault me.” Why is this so funny omg 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😅😅😅😅😅 Katniss is just like pressing buttons like, “Ah! Too cold! 🥶 Ah! Too hot! 🥵 Ah!!!!!” All while jumping like a .... cat 🐱🥁

Lemon foam? 🍋 Whatever. I guess there’s weirder flavors of soap we have today but like where’s the Philosophy flavors that give recipes on the bottles??? Surely they’d survive an apocalypse??? Everyone uses those???

I’m so glad Katniss didn’t forget to moisturize, even as she prepares for a death match 😅😅😅😅 even if it’s just as simple as pressing a single button, why is she even taking the time to press it?

I know, I know. She just wants to make sure her skin is so smooth for the arena that the knives and arrows just slide right off 🤣🤣🤣🤣

“This is the first time since the morning of the reaping that I resemble myself.” Lolololol which means Mr. Romantic is gonna be even more turned on by the sight of ya, since he’s crushed on you looking like this for the last decade of his life 🥳😎🤗💁🏼‍♀️. Peeta ain’t even here yet and I’m already making the shipper comments Samantha calm down 🙄😶😑🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐

Seriously there where is Peeta? Did he also have to figure out the temperature controls in the shower? Did he also moisturize? I miss him I wanna know about his morning too 😔. Katty, is it too much to ask for you to go take a lil ... sneak peek into his room for me? 😏😏😏

Twenty dishes seems like a lot for like four people eating? Eh, maybe six people, if we count the stylists who magically pick and choose when they’re coming to a meal... Hmm, I’ll calculate just so no one else has to. 🤓😬🤗 No one else cares, Samantha. 🤐🥱😴😶 Twenty dishes amounts out to about five plates without the stylists and three and a half-ish with so.... idk it’s not that much food I guess but it seems like a lot for one meal, esp if people in the Capitol intend to keep their trim figures. This is why that one prep team girl is chubby. 🤐🤐🤐

Awww Katniss copying Peeta’s weird lil eating quirks 🤗😎🥳. She’s already taking interest in him, she just don’t realize it yet 💁🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ shipper comment alert 🚨🚨

But also has anyone actually tried dipping bread on hot chocolate and was it good or does it taste as repulsive as it sounds to me? I hate it when my food even so much as dares to touch though 🤢😡😤😓

Oooo I always forget Prim has to be utilizing her goat, milking the thing every day until it’s dry I’m not a farmer idk how milking animals works ... so she contributes more than I give her credit I suppose.... I’m making an effort for you, Primmers. You seem useless and immature but I’m trying. 😪😶 Taylor Swift voice 🎶 *this is me trying* 🎶

Oh wow it was only two mornings ago? Man. The first book is slow moving. 😅😭 six chapters in and we’ve gotten through one point five days 🤣

“It makes me irritated that Peeta is wearing exactly the same outfit I am.” “Listen, Peeta, one of us has to change, this is getting embarrassing, you have to stop borrowing my clothes!”

“This twins act is going to blow up in out faces once the Games begin.” Ahhaahahahaha blow up 💥 💣 🔥. Get it, get it. 🥁 Because she represents fire. And she also blows things up in Every. Single. Book.

But seriously, did Cinna and Portia and Haymitch all plan on presenting Katniss and Peeta are like, tight friends or whatever, and then Peeta is like “oh b-tee-dubs, I have a massive crush on K-dog” and they just decided it perfectly fit into their plans?

I’m so jealous that their breakfast has bread baskets 😩😩😩 I know they’re headed to the slaughter but still. Bread.

if you like, I'll coach you separately. Decide now." "Why would you coach us separately?" In case one of you ... not naming names .... Peeta .... wants to reveal your lifelong crush on live television 😎😎😎

Also Haymitch is like “make an important decision but take zero time to consider it, I’m tired and hungover, kids, idc for your drama 😒”

Which as an auntie to a wonderful little two year old ... is v relatable 😅🥲🙃🤭

“And I already know what yours is, right? I mean, I've eaten enough of your squirrels." I wanna make a dirty joke here so badly but the lord himself is saying no.

“Town families usually eat expensive butcher meat. Beef and chicken and horse.” Ohhh this is interesting. Katniss believing Peeta and the other merchants live high on the hog while Peeta is later is like “I eat expired bread for every meal, Katniss” I mean, better than starving like her, but also not how she’s painting the picture in her mind. 😶😭

Also Katniss never mentions horses in Twelve, where’s the butcher getting horses from to slaughter and sell? That’s why Katniss never sees them, Samantha, duh 🙄

“I can't do anything. Unless you count baking bread.” "Sorry, I don't.” This was such a quick and matter of fact brush off, poor Peeta 😭😭😭 my baby I’m still rooting for you don’t worry you got this

Also. Lowkey, highkey, that tiny exchange triggered me. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. Those awkward moments where people brush me off or glance over me live in my head. Rent free. For life.

I wonder sometimes often times if Katniss’ father and Gale’s father knew each other? Both hunted and worked in the mines. Just a random sidebar 😅🤭🤐🙃

“She’s excellent” He’s so proud of his wife 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

So uh.... is it safe to say Mr. Mellark is an Everlark fan? If he likes and admires Katniss and Peeta and him apparently have some kind of close-ish bond (okay, maybe not but maybe) then perhaps he is carrying the shipper banner back in Twelve for them 🥳🥳😎😎

Katniss, you dingaling, of course he noticed you 🙄🙄🙄

Peeta compliments her and her instant reaction is “what are you doing, weirdo?” 😅😭

“Don’t underrate yourself” Peeta, love of my life, take your own advise. Stupid. 😪😪😪

“I've seen you in the market. You can lift hundred-pound bags of flour” Katniss in the market, staring across the way at Peeta, 👁👄👁, watching him lift flour over his shoulder.

“He came in second in our school competition last year, only after his brother." This is criminally undiscussed. Peeta being a wrestler alone is undiscussed but also.... did you go to his matches, Katniss? Miss Anti-Social, Hunting-First-Everything-Else-Later? 😏😏😏 If this ain’t proof of her lil crush idk what is

“All you need is to come up with a knife, and you'll at least stand a chance.” “You'll be living up in some tree eating raw squirrels and picking off people with arrows.” Does no one else realize that Katniss and Peeta literally took the other’s advise for the first part of the games? How did Peeta get in with the Careers? The way she just said. Where is Katniss when Peeta and the Careers discover her? High up in a tree. Okay, this maybe didn’t compute right but I had a thought here so I said it

Peeta’s mother is just a monster. Who says that crap? 😔😔😔 don’t worry, baby, I’m rooting for you

“She said, 'She's a survivor, that one.' She is” Yeah, she is, no thanks to you, Mrs. Mellark 😤. Stingy ho.

Peeta’s got pain in his eyes 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awww, Katniss accrediting her survival to Peeta’s help 😭😭😭😭. This is so pure. Also kiss now, you little freaks.

“She has no idea. The effect she can have.” This is such an iconic line... but the can has always had me laughing. She can have an effect, if she really wants to. Or not, depending on the day.

Katniss is so stupid, how did she construe that as an insult??? 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ y’all ever just wanna smack her into a wall?

“In public, I want you by each other's side every minute” If Peeta didn’t have a long life crush, what was the ultimate plan with all this friendship act they’re being forced into? 🤔🤔🤔

Even Peeta’s trying to object to it 😭😭😭😭

“You will be together, you will appear amiable to each other.” You will fall in love. 🤩🥳😎

“I bite my lip and stalk back to my room, making sure Peeta can hear the door slam.” Okay, now imagine how much she’s hurting his feelings right now 😖😣 what a little brat

“But that didn't mean I wanted to do everything with Peeta. Who, by the way, clearly doesn't want to be partnering up with me, either.” Lolololololololol this is so funny in hindsight 🤣🤣🤣. Also if you showed a little enthusiasm, Peeta would probably be happy to partner with you.

“But a tiny part of me wonders if this was a compliment. That he meant I was appealing in some way.” No, really, Katniss? A compliment? Who’d give you one of those? 🙄🙄🙄

“It's weird, how much he's noticed me. Like the attention he's paid to my hunting.” A normal person at this point would put together a crush 😅

“And apparently, I have not been as oblivious to him as I imagined, either. [...] I have kept track of the boy with the bread.” Anddd a normal person would figure out their own crush at this point 😅😅.

“I do a quick assessment. Peeta and I are the only two dressed alike.” We stan a matching couple in this house 😎😏

“Almost all of the boys and at least half of the girls are bigger than I am” That means 18 out of 24 tributes tower over my girl here. Smol Katniss. The movies did such erasure on this front I’m still bitter 🤐😒😤😩

“I may be smaller naturally, but overall my family's resourcefulness has given me an edge in that area.” Just a tiny muscular thing standing next to a bunch of tall, lanky kids. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Awww “Each [Career tribute] must have fifty to a hundred pounds on me.” I mean ... let’s calculate. A muscular girl would probably weigh like 150 pounds... so basically Katniss is at most, 100 pounds. Tiny Katty.

“I'm thinking that it's lucky I'm a fast runner when Peeta nudges my arm and I jump.” This is a random, cute interaction 😍😍😍. Shipper blinders are on and tight.

“Suppose we tie some knots.” “Right you are.” I legitimately just scratched my face, who says right you are? An 87 year old man, that’s who 😅😅😅. Not turning your girl on very well, Peeta baby.

Although it does sound a bit like a backwoods southern thing soooo.... hillbilly Everlark nation rise. 🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

“We concentrate on this one skill for an hour until both of us have mastered it.” Awww, so Peeta knows how to tie a snare? He’s not as clueless as half the fandom acts.

How exactly is frosting cakes equating to amazing camouflager in a death match? Books crack me up with these connections. “I’m an amazing artist because I write birthday cards!”

Lolololol Prim admiring her future brother-in-law’s handiwork 🥰🥰🥰🥰 too bad she dies before they can get together for real for real.

“Somehow the whole thing - his skill, those inaccessible cakes, the praise of the camouflage expert - annoys me.” Dude, you get praised by everyone and their brother while Peeta gets overlooked, give him a moment to shine. 😑🙄 jealous wife much?

Also she’s already picking up on Peeta’s eye for beauty 😅😅😅

“It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death.” "Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you'll find in the arena. Say it's actually a gigantic cake-“ "Say we move on.” She’s such a little snot. 😒😒😒

But also I love that already in this point of their relationship, Peeta is noticing when she’s being a brat 😭😂😅. “Don’t be so superior.”

“Despite Haymitch's order to appear mediocre, Peeta excels in hand-to-hand combat, and I sweep the edible plants test without blinking an eye.” Lolololol their mentor’s advise went into one ear and right out the other 😂😅🤣.

But also why did the movie make a point in adding an extra scene of Peeta looking weak and the Careers staring at him? That literally took up time and served no purpose at all. 😤😤😤 I’m coming for you, Gary Ross

Awww, everyone but the careers eat alone. But Katniss and Peeta eat together 🥺🥺🥺. It’s like a forced first date 🥳🥳🥳

I like how Katniss says they include bread from every district but she then proceeds to only mention the two districts that later have relevant tributes. 😅😅😅

Lolololol their fake friendship “laugh ... now! Okay, I’ll smile, try to say something interesting”

“Ever since I slammed my door, there's been a chill in the air between us.” Well yeah, you probably hurt his feelings 🥺🥺🥺

Umm, Katniss just casually drops that she was chased by a bear.... how did homegirl live? 😬😳

Peeta knowing Rue’s name and being the one to take notice of her first 🥺🥺🥺. If the games had come down to Katniss, Peeta and Rue, y’all know Everlark would have swallowed the berries and gotten Rue home. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“Don't. Don't let's pretend when there's no one around.” "All right, Katniss.” He made a single comment to you, ding dong. He didn’t ask for a goodnight kiss 🙄🙄🙄.

Also anyone ever think of how lonely Peeta’s life must be? He’s not close to his family that we can see, Delly’s his only real friend, after he wins he lives in that huge house all alone... I feel sad now. I did this to myself. 😬😭🥺

Katniss’ “Oh! The weapons!” When she sees the bows and arrows is so cute 🥰🥰🥰

Katniss has such a rage built up inside of her. Let it out, girlfriend

See, I’d have done this too but in my rage, I’d probably have shot a real person and not the pig ... goodbye, Plutarch 👋🏻

Andddd I think that’s all for this chapter! Sorry my comments weren’t as interesting as usual 😬.

#thgagain

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moongoddesskiana · 3 years

Text

I'm just thinking about AU where you keep elements from different canons for maximum angst as well as maximum 'you done fucked up my fave' because the writers really don't understand my fave's origin story

So Jason recently left the Titans (have I ever watched more than the first 3 eps no but I've seen enough clips and fanvids) and is back to working with Bruce. They are working on a case where the criminal has diplomatic immunity, Jason goes to confront the dude who proceeds to fall off the balcony (also for kicks the dude said that no one was going to believe that Jason had nothing to do with it when Jason tried to save him and he shoved Jason off) and dies.

After this Jason is forced to go to therapy where Leslie (whom he already knows and trusts) helps him a bit though he is still very much struggling. Jason then over hears Bruce say that Jason is being too rough and is going to be taken off active duty, Jason then runs out of the manor and into Crime Alley. Bruce tracks him down and they have a conversation like the one in Titans and Jason asks Bruce not to give up on him and that he had nothing to do with the dude's death.

Not sure if I'm gonna have Bruce believe him or not, but Bruce thinks this is for the best and doesn't realize how much this fucks up Jason and worsens his feelings of being rejected. As Jason leaves the alley but is still in the neighborhood an old neighbor flags him down saying they have some of his family's old things. Jason sneaks back into his room and goes over everything in the box hoping to find some of his mom's old things, what Jason actually finds is his birth certificate. The mother's name starting with an S but otherwise unreadable. Jason doesn't feel like he has anyone to go to and tries to track down his bio mom.

Cross referencing Willis addressbook he finds 3 possibilities, I'm gonna be lazy and say that Sheila was in town for like enough time for Jason to find her in Gotham. Meanwhile Joker broke out of Arkham and Batman's on the case and thinks that Sheila's job's local warehouse known to not usually be in use is Joker's next move. Sheila tells Jason she has to go to a meeting but to meet up later when Bruce runs into Jason.

Bruce asks Jason where he's been and what is he doing on a Joker case (it's been like a week since Jason left the manor only leaving a note saying that basically reads I know when I'm not wanted don't do a obligatory search.). Jason for a second thought Bruce had been looking for him and that he actually cared until he asked what Jason was doing on a case, Jason's sense of rejection escalates.

Bruce says that Sheila workplace might be in trouble but that he was also checking out another lead. Jason tracks down Sheila to warn her that the Joker might be up to something using her work's warehouse, she's like sure kid uh huh until he shows he the Robin suit. Then Sheila says to help her search the warehouse before her meeting which was to happen at the warehouse so that they would know if anything bad was inside.

Jason says that he should call in Batman just in case when they round a corner in the warehouse and the Joker is there. Jason (in Robin suit) turns to Shelia to yell at her to run when she pulls out a gun and points it at Jason telling him "sorry kid looks like you trusted the wrong person this time."

Jason is then tied up and beaten with a crowbar, whilst Sheila sits back and smokes on a nearby crate. Jason goes unconscious and Sheila is tied to the warehouse while the Joker says there can be no witnesses. Jason tries to get them both out of there while he struggles to move, they make it to the door when he hears a timer seconds away from zero while Sheila tries to open the door. Jason covers her body with his own while resigning himself to death. The warehouse explodes.

First responders are already on the scene when Bruce gets there. Sheila is alive long enough to tell Batman that Jason was a good kid, a better kid than one she thought she would make. The first responders found Jason before Bruce did, Robin was pronounced dead on arrival.

Everything is happening in between season 2 and 3 btw, well at least until Red Hood arrives.

Dick hears about the explosion over the news and rushes to Gotham, team in hand. They miss the funeral. Dick finds out that Jason had been missing for a week before that and is pissed Bruce didn't tell him. A month later Tim forces his way into Robin and gets assistance from the Titans who welcome him with open arms.

3 months after his death Jason crawls out of his grave, Scarecrow and the League of Assassins are working together (don't ask why idk either) and Jason stumbles across a meeting. Someone notices Jason isn't responding properly and they began experimenting on him eventually realizing that one of Scarecrow's toxins makes him less fearful and respond to orders more. Talia grows to give a shit and puts him in a Lazarus Pit before she is sent away but still partly in charge. Ra's says to drug him before he wakes up and to make Jason reliant on the drugs and on the League of Assassins.

Jason is trained up for a year before they put him on the scene as a figurehead but not really in charge of anything Red Hood. Jason tries to keep civilian casualties as low as he can, tries to keep things centered on ending Gotham's crime and criminals. He makes his number one rule no drugs to kids, no harm to children, no exceptions.

Two lackeys who drugged Robin were made as examples. Jason himself was still force fed Scarecrow's toxin every day.

The code name Red Hood was one of the few things that he had been given control over a nice little Fuck you to the Joker (still alive and kicking) which he had a do not engage order for so he couldn't kill the guy himself (not that he thought he would be able to even with the toxin). Jason tries to use it as a force of change, a force of good for Gotham. Sometimes when the drugs were wearing off he wondered how much harm he was doing compared to good, and how easily he killed criminals.

The league of assassin's pulls out of Gotham for reasons Jason doesn't know about, Jason tries to get clean while an imposter with meta abilities impersonated Red Hood in order to get to Hank and does Gotham harm. The titans have been in town for most of the time btw. The meta, a telepathic shapeshifter, bumped into Jason read his mind and figured Jason Todd would be a good cover for them while they did this and they could implant memories into Jason later and no evidence would lead back to them especially because of Jason laying low and trying to detox alone.

So yeah Jason still murders people but the stuff in the show making someone snap their neck, civilian casualties that shouldn't have happened and killing Hank, that was a meta in this because I can't see even a very fucked up Jason doing those things.

Everyday the meta tracks Jason down reads his mind and implants new memories. Jason tries to get help but that keeps getting stopped or people refuse to help him for the things they think he did.

The meta is taken into custody when someone realizes that that isn't Jason because either he called one of them or one of them saw him one the street collapsing. This leads to so much confusion epically since Jason has two sets of memories the stuff he did do (duffle bag of heads) and things he didn't do (kill Hank). In the process of sorting his memories the Titans realize how much they fucked up with Jason especially when they hear him say 'Arkham is to good for me, I need to be put down, I'm poison.' After hearing him whimper in his sleep begging Bruce not to put him in Arkham, to not leave him with the Joker.

Jason and Tim mostly get along and become siblings, but Gar is the only Titan who didn't really hurt my fave from what I know. The rest didn't really treat Jason as one of them and didn't try to understand him or empathize. I heard that Kori was also okay with him but then I saw a clip from 3x08 and I was like :/

Don't have anything else currently for this idea

#batman #robin #jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #dick grayson #nightwing #dc titans #titans live action #l rambles #l rants #l ramble #l rant

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tardytothepardy · 3 years

Text

Fruits Basket - Vol 22

The snowball that has been tumbling down a hill for these last several books is finally rolling to a halt. I wonder how Akito feels about it. Surely she's not gonna become upset.

Today we arrive with Kyo to Kyo's house, after being told by Hanajima that there's something he needs to do before he can see Tohru. He needs to talk to his dad, and it's gonna be the first time in a long time that he's done it. He's nervous as all hell, he feels nauseous just standing at the front door, but he still follows through. The second his father sees him, he's already in a rage. He yells at the servant(?) who let Kyo in, then zeroes straight on Kyo after Kyo asks why he's home in the first place, it's the middle of the workday, isn't it?

Kyo's father (he never gets a name, as far as I can tell) says that he wasn't feeling well, and it's Kyo's fault because,,, his mom died. Yup, makes sense. After all this time, Kyo's father still rants and raves and insists that it was Kyo's fault that his mother died, and Kyo says, "Yeah, I know it is." Kyo's father starts cackling, asking the servant if she also heard Kyo saying that, then asking for someone to call up the main Sohma house, to get Kyo and throw him in the dungeon (it's not actually a dungeon but I'll always think of it like that), but Kyo says he won't go there. He won't even step foot in that room, because he's going to live outside, because he met someone and he really cares about her, and he wants to be around her for the rest of his life. Naturally, Kyo's father rejects that, saying that there's no way the family would allow that, there's no way that Kyo can go off and try to have a normal life after "what he did", throwing his family into shame by being born (because he totally chose to be the cat, this is common knowledge), and he asks why Kyo's mother had to give birth to Kyo in the first place, which makes Kyo freeze up. He's heard that phrase before, when he was a kid. He hadn't realized it before, but after hearing his father say it, he realizes that it was his father that said it to his mother, "Why did you have to give birth to such a child?". Right in front of said child, by the way. Clearly the man did not and does not care. Kyo asks his father if he was the one who said it, which makes Kyo's father lash out again, how dare Kyo insinuate that he (Kyo's father) is the reason that Kyo's mother (why did neither of these people get a name ;-;) committed suicide, there's no way it's his fault, there was never anything he said or did that would make her do that, obviously, how could Kyo even vaguely say something that could be construed as such, and clearly it is not his fault but Kyo's! It has to be Kyo's fault, it simply has to!

Probably during all that screaming, Kyo thinks about how much he wishes his mom was happy, that she had never felt the way she did that led to her suicide. As a kid, it was difficult for him to understand, but now he does, not that it makes much of a difference. Whether he understood or not, she's still gone.

Finally, Kyo pushes his father away, saying that he won't give up on himself, and that he wants to make the most of his life while he still has it. His father again objects, and tries to grab Kyo, who deflects pretty easily (whoa it's almost like he's been trained for most of his life for scenarios vaguely similar to this) and his father just starts screaming that Kyo is going to kill him. You know what Kyo is doing? He's just pushing away his father's hand. That's it. His father is still screaming bloody murder (which is what he seems to think is gonna happen to him) when the scene jumps to Akito talking to one of the head maids, talking about Kyo, about if they should get someone to take him away, but Akito says that she wants that place destroyed. The maid asks if she thinks Kyo's father will approve, but Akito basically says, "It doesn't matter what he approves, I've decided it will be destroyed." After that, the maid notes that Akito has changed, and that she liked Akito before, but Akito doesn't care. Change, don't change, she'll be trying to progress and move on, even if some people around her object to it. Generally, there seems to be a lot of introspective going on for both of them.

Then we change to see Hiro and Kisa, who is reassuring Hiro that it's not a bad thing that his curse broke, and that no one is going to hate him because of it. If anything, she's happy for him, and is glad that he told her first, out of anyone else. Hiro asks if Kisa hates him now that he isn't part of the Juunishi anymore, and she asks him if he thinks of her any different because she still is. Midway through reassuring Kisa that that wasn't the case, Kyo announces his presence by vomiting behind some bushes. Hiro exclaims how gross that was (I'm not putting that against him, he has no way of really knowing (or understanding) why Kyo did that), and Kisa offers Kyo a tissue, and Kyo straight up basically hallucinates seeing Tohru. (Dang,, he's really affected by all this. He's, if you don't mind me saying this, down bad. Really bad.)

Kyo tries to visit Tohru again, but Hanajima and Uotani block his way completely. I would go into why but I've already said it, but one thing that does happen is that Hanajima and Uotani run into or meet (or something) Akito, who tells them that she's the reason that Tohru had those cuts, and kinda why she got hurt in the first place. She's also the reason why Kureno is in the hospital. Naturally, Akito is very ashamed of this, but surprisingly, Uotani and Hanajima are pretty cool about it. Hanajima tells Akito that Tohru isn't blaming anyone for the incident, so it's better if Akito not beat herself up so much over it, because it definitely won't make Tohru feel any better. As Akito was admitting what she'd done to Kureno, Hanajima straight up asked her if she was a girl, and when Akito didn't say no, suddenly things clicked into place: when Kureno was talking about having to stay by the side of a girl, Akito was that girl. This realization seems to mostly be on Uotani's side, who is also thinking about how much Kureno really means to her. I mean, she interacted with him a handful of times, and that was a while ago. She doesn't really know much about him, only that he seems to have a similar demeanor to Tohru, that sort of blind kindness kinda thing.

Uotani later goes to talk to Kureno, and he says that, to help Akito move on, he needs to leave, go far away. Uotani offers to go with him (after graduation and stuff), because she luh-luh-likes him (she refuses to say it), so that's nice.

Meanwhile, (more like after? Idk, timey wimey stuff) Kyo is heading to Kazuma's house, and he sees Akito walking out the front gate. Huh? What the fuck is Akito doing there? Kyo goes to confront Akito, but all she says is that he can live whatever life he wants to, and she refuses to clarify. Right before the bickering can start, who but Hanajima opens the front gate, asking if Akito is really leaving so soon? (She even uses a nickname, which Akito isn't the biggest fan of) Naturally, that freaks out Kyo. What is that girl doing here? Is she friends with Akito? How did that happen? When did that happen? Then Kazuma pops up, and Hanajima again acts familiar and friendly with him?! How does she do that that's so fucking weird!

Kazuma tells Kyo that he knows that Kyo went to talk to his dad, and that Akito knows as well. He also says that Akito plans for that dungeon room to be destroyed which is nice. Kazuma says that fixing relations between the main house or his personal family won't be so easy, but it was a nice start.

Jumping ahead a little, it seems that Akito has called all of the Juunishi (even Kyo, and we all know how rare that is) to the main Sohma house. She has something that she needs to tell them, and they have no guesses. Haru says that Akito seems to have changed since the whole incident with Tohru and stuff, which is a welcome change, even if it's still strange and confusing. (Personally, in that situation I would definitely have bated breath, because when there's a person that usually is disagreeable at best suddenly changes to being nice, all I can ever do is just wait for them to go back to being nasty. I just can't trust it when people switch like that, it's eerie)

Yuki then tells Kyo that Tohru's getting out of the hospital soon, which causes Kyo to speed off to Hanajima and Uotani, asking if now he can finally see Tohru. They say, "yeah, yeah," then ask him what outfits (because they're paging through a magazine) would look best on Tohru. Kyo has no fucking idea, Tohru could probably wear anything and he'd be fine with it.

Meanwhile, it seems that Yuki has some jealousy(?) concerning Tohru and Kyo. It's mostly because both parties know about the whole zodiac thing, but between him and Machi, that's not the case. There's a considerable risk that the secret came out, or that he tells Machi, and she finds it too weird and she breaks off any little relationship that is starting to grow between them. It'd probably just drop back to acquaintances, or worse: awkward acquaintances, where everyone asks what happened, weren't you guys close? Ugh. That sounds terrible.

So anyway, Yuki's busy worrying about that, it's a whole thing. I think he kinda tries to tell Machi at some point, but Kimi busts in asking about her hairbrush. And though he doesn't succeed in telling Machi, he knows that he has to, because this is a pretty big thing to hide from someone. It's probably difficult and straining to be a couple and you refuse to let your partner be physically close to you without ever telling them why. (Just panic and say that you have an allergy to human skin and admit that you're in complete misery because of it, it's fine, nbd)

The scene switches to Akito talking to Shigure, telling him that she's going to end the whole Juunishi thing. She's tired of all of it at this point, of people treating her the way they do because she's "God". She says that everyone (though I suppose in this scene she's saying this to Shigure specifically) will be released from her, that everyone can go and do whatever they want to do. Shigure says that if that's the case, then he'll be relieved. (I know he's teasing and all, but like, dude, can you maybe not right now?) He gives her a "farewell gift", which she looks fairly distraught about, but we won't see what it is yet, because now I have to describe Kyo's general panick over seeing Tohru again.

So yeah, the day that Tohru is released from the hospital, somehow Kyo almost seemed to forget about it until Yuki brought it up. Yuki wouldn't be going along though, because he has something else to do.

On the way to the hospital, Kyo's just rethinking all the stuff that he's said and that has been said to him throughout this whole thing. Yuki told him to just act normal, the fuck even is normal now? How does he do that? Will Tohru forgive him? What even does he like about Tohru? Does he still like her? What does he like about her? How much about that thing does he like? He has no fucking idea, how does he even talk to her? Then he sees her, none of that shit matters. The only thing that does matter is that he loves her goddammit.

Unfortunately for that romantic moment, the second Tohru sees Kyo, she dashes off. He gives chase after a moment of "oh jeez ;-;".

The perspective shifts to Tohru. She apparently didn't mean to run, her feet just went on their own. It isn't what she meant to do, she did want to see Kyo again, but who has control over their bodies in highly emotional moments anyway? She told herself that when she next saw him, she was going to smile. She practiced doing so, or that what she thought anyway. There's a moment where we see Yuki talking to Tohru while she's still bedridden, and when he tries (very hesitantly) to bring up Kyo, she changes the topic pretty quickly, along with crying literally at his name. It hurts her so much to hear it. She thinks that she's a burden by being unable to let go of everyone. She thinks she needs to move from Kyo after what he said, but she just can't. She meant what she said that she would stay by Kyo's side, even if it turns out he doesn't like her. She tried to not let it bother her, but clearly that didn't happen.

Finally, Kyo catches up to her (a second time, she pushed him away twice in that fantastic emotional upheaval), and she's crying. She's desperately trying to stop, she doesn't want to be a burden, she doesn't want him to hate her, stop crying! He takes her hand, and apologizes for all his bs. He says that he was only thinking about himself, about his own regrets. He ignored her feelings, and he says that he should've known better: the world doesn't give second chances, but he's taking this chance to try to apologize. He then says those magic words that Tohru did not think he'd say at all: he wants to be with her, he doesn't want anyone else, because he loves her. (Holy shit, they both love each other? Now this is a game changer, for sure)

Tohru's completely shocked, and can only muster tiny soft questions like "does that mean i can stay with you?" and "can i hold your hand?" with lots of ellipses, because shock. Kyo points out that she's already holding his hand, and then he kisses her (She does know that that's their second kiss, right? No? Hm, Kyo feels awkward about that). Kyo then pulls her to her feet (she was sitting on a garden wall thingie), and asks if they can hug, despite the whole cat thing. He says he thinks that the curse will probably become an inconvenience to her, but Tohru says that she loves him, and that it doesn't matter, everything will work out. And so they hug and,,,,

nothing happens.

The fuck?!

Before we get to the hug, we get a quick flashback to when Akito visited Tohru in the hospital. Akito admits that she was jealous of Tohru, and that she thinks that Tohru is prettier than herself. Tohru denies that, and asks that Akito not categorize things like that, because when you think like that, you just "use them to seperate yourself out", in her words. She says that she is not without blame, that Akito was just living her life as best she could, despite all the bad stuff that was happening to her. She destroyed Akito's world, essentially, and whether or not it was for better or worse, she still acknowledges that she ended up hurting Akito, a lot.

It goes back to the present, still with Akito, as the curse is breaking for so many of the Juunishi, Kyo, Ayame, Ritsu, Kisa, Kagura, Izusu, Haru, Hatori, and lastly Shigure (no i'm not forgetting anyone, the story isn't finished), and she's telling her father (who is, if you have forgotten, quite dead) that she doesn't have to be "god" anymore, that she can just be herself. She's still scared by that idea, because she is aware of how many people she's hurt, and she doesn't think she has any redeeming qualities, she's just alone, scared, and hurt. After showing all of these people's curse breaking, it circles back to the hospital, where Tohru is again offering her friendship to Akito, so that, if Akito truly feels she has nothing else, then at least she can have that.

Back to Tohru and Kyo, after they hug and he doesn't turn into a cat, it's a feeling of shock, but then Kyo tears off his bracelet, and it breaks, the beads going everywhere, and he doesn't turn into anything. I personally have a very small idea of how fucking elated he must have been about that. This lifelong burden, somehow worse than what the other Juunishi had to deal with, something that he's been shunned for (as if he had any choice in the matter), and now it's gone. It's all done, he doesn't have to worry about that anymore.

Now, before Kyo went off to see Tohru, Yuki mentioned that he had something to do. That Something(tm) was calling Machi, and meeting up. He's planning on telling her about the whole Juunishi thing, just get it out in the air. He feels kinda weird, indescribably, but he figures he's just nervous. Before he can think about it, Machi shows up. This is it: this is when he tells her-- whoa what? There's a little rat (probably a voice in his head, the rat spirit, something like that), and it tells him that he's the last. It thanks him for keeping the promise, and bids him goodbye, walking to the other spirits. Whoa. That's intense. How do you even begin to explain that?

Then, we see the story of the Juunishi, how it started in the first place: There was once this dude who lived all alone, at the top of a mountain. Even after going down the mountain, and seeing other people, he was still alone. Despite having a lot of power and experience and memories, he knew that he was unlike other people, and developed a fear of other people, of getting hurt, and of being different than others. One day, a cat showed up, and said that it had been watching the dude for a while, and it wanted to be by his side, and so it did. This made the dude (he's God, should I just refer to him as "God" rather than "the dude"? Probably) very happy, and he thought that if he can get along fine with one, why not more? Who wouldn't want more happiness? So he made and sent out a bunch of invitations for a nice banquet, and some animals came to it: a dog, a ram, a dragon, a monkey, a rat, a snake, an ox, a horse, a bird, a rabbit, a boar, and a tiger. They all collected and all had a fun banquet for many nights.

Suddenly though, the cat fell over, and everyone was distraught. There's was nothing to be done, his life had run out. This was a reminder that death is inevitable, and can happen before you're ready. This upset all of them, and so God prepared a drink and had the cat drink it. It was the thing that created the bond, and he said that however times that everyone there is born, or dies, they will all be together, and they will always be friends, until the end of time. Everyone agreed to it, and the rat was the first to drink, and the rest followed in their sequential order. After the last had drank, the cat started to cry, and asked why God had forced him to drink, saying that he didn't want eternity. No one had expected this response, and they scolded the cat for it. He continued, saying that he knows that death is scary, but it is important to accept that things come to an end, and that he was happy that he met God. If there was a time when they met again in another life, he wanted it to be a natural thing, and to be surrounded with more than those who were sort of forced to be there.

No one wanted to hear those words, however, and the cat died alone. Eventually, one by one, they started to die, leaving God alone once again. But once his time came, he wasn't afraid, because it meant that he could once again see his friends.

Seeing how that story of friendship had over time been twisted into a curse, a burden, kinda sucks, to be honest. The best of intentions don't always work out though.

Now we're pulled back to Yuki and Machi, who is pretty confused. Yuki tries to explain, that he just said goodbye to someone who has been with him his whole life, and despite it being unpleasant to deal with, he's still emotional about them leaving. He is glad that they have left, because he now has freedom. Freedom to do what, you may ask? To hug Machi, which is exactly what he does. I suppose this is some kinda scandalous pda or something because it shows people walking by blushing or whatever. Maybe it's just the American culture in me, but I wouldn't look twice if I saw something like that. (Whoa, it's almost as if different places have different standards and views and cultures, holy shit) After that, Machi asks if she can use his name (because she's always called him "President" up until now), he says she can, they kiss, it's a whole thing. Very cute stuff. (sorry i summarized that so quickly, idk how to talk about that stuff lmao 😳😬)

I'll just leave it there for now, move onto the next, and last, book.

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starlightxsvt · 4 years

Text

The Tale Of A Coffee Shop

Pairing: Joshua x Female reader

Genre: Fluff, slight crack, bad attempt at romance, this is just bad

Warnings: Slight cursing

Word count: Idk, it's pretty long

8:35 am.

He should be here anytime. Your palms sweat, foot taps excitedly against the floor of the cafe. Though there's a lack of mirror, you try to smooth your hair with your hands, unnaturally cautious about your appearance.

"Calm down. It's not like he's gonna propose you or shit."

You turn to face your coworker who has a less than amused expression on her face. "Am I that obvious?"

"Duh. It's like written all over your face. Chill already y/n, he's just a man passing by. You don't even know his last name."

Your hopes shrink slightly though you are surprised at yourself. What are you actually hoping for? Him to ask you out? Your coworker is right, he's just a man passing by. Except, he's regular customer who's insatiably handsome and makes you all jittery.

The said male is Joshua, an English professor at the popular university near the cafe. That's all you know about him. He happened to pass by your workplace one spring morning, looking for a quick jolt of caffeine to start the day and he's been visiting ever since. He visits the cafe 3 days a week, around 8:30 in the morning, ordering his usual plain latte.

After the first couple visits, you made small talk with him and all he offered was his name and profession. He always seemed to in a hurry or busy but he was always polite.

And the most handsome man you have ever seen. He had luscious black locks which were somehow messy yet neatly arranged and touched the nape of his neck. His eyes always seemed to sparkle, hiding a galaxy of their own. High cheekbones, a perfect jawline, plump lips and to complete it all,an adams apple - he had it all.

His outfits were always neat and perfect, sometimes a trench coat covering a turtle neck, sometimes an unbuttoned blazer over a plain tee and of course, a wrist watch. Sometimes he'd wear glasses, big metal frames covering those eyes and those days you'd melt into a puddle on the inside. He looked so damn hot.

The bell at the door of the cafe chimes and your ears perk up, eyes moving to that direction.

He's here.

You try your best not to look like a love struck fool and offer a professional smile. "Welcome, sir."

"Hello, y/n. My usual please." comes his smooth voice and a polite smile.

"Yes sir, coming right up." You mutter, trying not pass out from the way he said your name while putting in his order.

He waits at the corner tapping away on his phone while his latte is prepared. Once it's done, you call his serial number, offering him his drink. "Your latte, sir."

"I've told you before, Joshua is fine."

You stare at him for a bit too long not understanding that he asked you to call him by his name. However, when you realize that, you are a blushing mess, unsure what to reply.

Joshua doesn't say anymore, only offers you a kind smile. And just like that, he's out the door, leaving you feeling warm all over.

"That was the most cringy thing I ever saw." Your co worker's voice brings you to reality. You roll your eyes and continue your work with a smile in your face.

✧

"You seriously need to stop thinking about that dude all the time." You friend says standing in front of you, crossing her arms.

"I do not think of him all the time." You say, ignoring her and squinting at the book in your hands.

"Then great. You are coming to the club with me tonight. I'll introduce you to some guys and I don't know... get you laid."

"Excuse me?"

"Okay okay, not get laid, just... Meet some guys you know, what's the harm in that? Do you wanna die virgin?"

"I-"

"Don't." She holds up her hands signaling you to stop. "You are coming. It's final. Thank me later when you find a hot dude."

✧

Hot dude my ass. You stare at the drink you got after getting away from your friends who were having too much fun getting drunk. You had almost zero alcohol tolerance and you knew that you had to stay sober to get them home safely.

As you had expected, none of the guys your friend introduced you to piqued your interest. You realized what a bad idea it was to come to the club rather than staying at home, curled up reading your favorite book. As the thrum of the music continued to blast through the club your thought only proved to be truer. But your friends wasn't leaving this place anything soon.

Damn you hated it here.

You realize someone sitting down on the barstool next to yours but don't look up, too busy tracing the edge of the glass in front of you with your fingers. It's until you move your head to take a swing of your drink that you take notice of the person beside you.

A small squeak leaves your mouth as you look at the man sitting beside you, thinking that the couple drinks you had got to you and started playing with your mind.

It was him. Joshua. The English professor.

You quickly cast your eyes back on your drink but then glance a peek at his direction just to make sure.

Of course it's him.

Joshua sits there, oblivious to his surroundings, eyes on his phone. Your heart races. What is he doing here? Did he notice you?

You swallow, trying to calm your beating heart. Why do I feel like this? Maybe he didn't even notice me, I'll just finish this drink and leave.

You take another tentative glance at him, who is still busy on his phone. His hair looks a little bit messier than usual and his face looks a bit tired. He has his jacket draped across his lap and the white tee shirt he's wearing gives you a nice view of his arms. You don't realize you are staring unabashedly until he speaks, "Penny for your thoughts?"

A squeak leaves you and you almost fall off the stool.

"You've staring for quite a while. What is on your mind?" he says, putting down his phone and turning towards you.

You let your head hang low as a wave of embarrassment washes over you. "I'm sorry," you whisper.

"No don't be. Funny meeting you here though."

You look up to meet his eyes and it feels like your heart has traveled to your throat as you try to come up with a reply. "Y-yeah."

"You don't seem to be enjoying yourself."

"I-... Yes, I'm not."

He chuckles softly and reaches for his drink as the bartender places it front of him.

"What brings you here?"

"Well, um, my friend wanted to introduce me to some guys so she dragged me here with her and none of the guys piqued my interest and I didn't like sitting with them so I'm here."

You really need to stop talking.

Another soft chuckle escapes him and he asks, "What kind of guys pique your interest then?"

You. You do.

"I... I'm not really thinking about dating right now, I'll graduate next month and I want to focus on finishing college and getting a good job."

"I see. What is your major?" he asks.

And that leads to a rather long conversation between you and him,which you obviously didn't mind, about your major -literature- and what inspired you to study that and so on. Since the both of you studied the same subject you had a lot of common grounds to talk about.The conversation went on and you felt happier than ever. You really needed to thank your friend for dragging you here.

And just when you think that, you hear her voice, "Y/n!"

Oh shit.

She appears behind you, a drunk mess and rests her head on your shoulder garbling drunk nonsense. You realized it was time to go before she embarrassed both of you in front of Joshua. You stand up abruptly and give an awkward nod to Joshua to looks at the two of you with an amused expression.

As you drag your friends to their car, there's a tinge of disappointment that you couldn't be with him longer but also an excitement that fate had given you such a chance.

✧

Couple days later Joshua arrives earlier than his usual time at the cafe. You were clearing orders for the first few customers and when you look up hearing his voice, you swear you can die right there happily.

He wasn't in his usual look, rather a black shirt and a black shiny blazer hanging on his arm that matches his pants. His hair was neatly back brushed to one side but some locks managed to escape and you smell a hint of his cologne. You stared at him shamelessly, cheeks flushed.

"Y/n. Y/n?"

"Y-yes?"

"My usual, please."

"Oh, yes... of course."

You fumble, putting in his order and peeking glances at his direction. You knew you were acting like a deprived, shameless woman but you could care less. You don't know if he realized you were checking him out but even if he did, he didn't say anything.

As you hand him his order, he murmurs a thank you and asks, "When do you close?"

"Huh?"

"This cafe. When do you close it?"

"Oh, um, we take customers until about 10 pm. Then we clean up."

"I see. Thank you."

He turns around and leaves, a few heads turning towards him as he does so. You stand there, confused as to why he'd ask that.

"That was a goddamn piece of snack right there. " your co worker chirps as Joshua leaves the cafe.

"Seriously?" You raise a brow at her.

"It's fucking true. I mean look at him. He has heads turning around as he walks by."

You couldn't argue with that.

✧

It's almost 10:30 in the night and you are having quite a trouble cleaning up. It's the weekend night and there were more customers than usual, which was the thing you hated about working full-time during the weekends though the payment was good. You wipe the counter, sighing, your back muscles tired from a long day.

The bell at the door rings, slightly irritating you.

Service is over damn it.

The last person you expect, walks through the door. Your mouth hangs open and a small gasp leaves your co worker's mouth as you both stare at the person. It's Joshua.

"I'm sorry, sir, we're closed." You manage the words out.

"Could I maybe, have a word with you?" He asks, ignoring what you said.

"Uh-um, sure. I- I just have some things to finish up." You stammer, your heart beating way too fast to your liking.

"Good. You don't mind if I sit, do you?"

"N-no, of course not."

You turn to face your co worker who stares at you with wide eyes.

"What the fuck is going on?" She whisper-yells.

"I have no idea!" You reply back.

You finish your work quickly, your heart hammering the whole time. Once you both are finished, your co worker starts to dress up, ready for home. She gives you a good lecture to lock up properly before taking off.

You stand behind the counter trying to even out your breathes, eyeing Joshua who sits at the table by the window.

You swallow and free your hair from the ponytail, smooth it down and walk over to him.

"H-hey."

"Oh, hey." He looks up at you gesturing you to sit. You take a seat in front of him on the couch. He doesn't say anything but looks at you with a subtle smile.

"You look different," you blurt out, indicating his look.

"Oh yes, I had a meeting at the university."

"On the weekend?"

"Apparently, yes."

"So, uhm, why are you here?" You fidget rubbing your hands together, feeling nervous.

"I wanted to see you." He replies casually.

You almost choke on air.

"Last time we didn't get to finish our conversation and you seemed like an interesting person."

You flush, almost not believing your own years.

Joshua runs his hand through his hair then rests his hand under his chin, looking directly at you.

"I'll be honest with you, you've been on my mind a lot lately, Y/n."

You stare at him, mouth hanging open.

Did he just really say that?

A soft sound comes from outside and you both turn your heads to see it has started to rain outside.

"I want to date you, Y/n."

Holy-

You gasp and a nervous laughter escapes you. "I, um, I- uh..." You don't know what you are trying to say.

He laughs softly, "I know you have a thing for me. Your stares aren't that secretive, you know."

You blush furiously, looking down at your lap, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's cute." He laughs.

You meet his eyes, trying to find out words to say.

"So what do you say?"

"I... mean, we barely know each other... "

"Isn't that why people date?"

"Yea, right."

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No!" You gasp out, afraid that he'll leave. "I just, I don't know what to say."

Joshua offers you a kind smile and to your surprise he stands up and sits beside you. He softly strokes your hair, his eyes on yours.

"I mean it, I want to date you."

You stare at his eyes, transfixed. The sparkles in his eyes, the fact that he was so close to you made your brain fizzy and heart skip beats.

He softly leans down, his eyes on your lips, "May I?"

Oh my god.

You nod without a delay and he captures your lips in a kiss. He tilts your neck gently cupping behind your ear. Your hands find purchase on the lapels of his jacket as you let him kiss you.

When you pull back, you feel like you are burning from embarrassment. The night is silent other than the sound of rain outside and you are scared that he can hear your heart beat.

"Did I convince you?" He asks tilting your head upwards.

"Yes." You whisper, feeling your insides warm up.

And without thinking much, you grasp his jacket and pull him in for another kiss. You can feel him smile against your lips and it only urges you to go on.

As the night proceeds you rest your head on his shoulder, intertwine your hands with his and watch the rain outside. You felt slightly overwhelmed with joy as you talked with Joshua about anything, your heart skipping beats every now and then. Maybe this is what it felt like to be in love.

You look at his face taking in the details as he softly talks about his favourite novels and such. You only hope you can look at his face and feel his warmth in the coming days.

A/N: Hello everyone, this is my first tumblr fiction so I'm sorry if it wasn't so good. I hope you continue to support my blog. Your comments are really appreciated! >< 💕

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cynthiaandsamus · 3 years

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Custom Toonami Block Week 79 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch is establishing the official United States of Fuck Imperialism which is like the UN but actually does stuff, plus he has to deal with the fact that CC’s lost her memory and is acting like a demure slave girl harem choice from a VN. Charles is still trapped in the Human Instrumentality Shadow Realm so everyone figures this is a great time to unify everyone against Britannia. Kallen beats the shit out of Suzaku for being a dick to her all this time and the Knight of Ten is making his rounds because they realize they forgot to give him any buildup and he’s going to be a miniboss later so they have to cram all his being a dick personality into like five minutes while all the Knights of the Round assemble to prepare for an attack on Japan once the National Federation is formed. Llyod and Cecile for some reason enhanced the Guren for Suzaku even though he’s clearly more used to the Lancelot but apparently they enhanced it too much and made it a death machine like the Talgeese in Gundam Wing so Suzaku has to stick with the Lancelot. Looks like the Guren will have to sit and collect dust unless a certain pilot is rescued and then immediately has a convenient upgrade. Amazingly all the countries go along with everything Zero says and give up their militaries and have the Black Knights be the official military of the Federation. I don’t know how that works given that the Black Knights have been struggling to fight off one nation’s military idk how it’s supposed to substitute for a dozen nations’ military but I guess they conscript support and troops from the other nations or something. Charles comes back on the tv after the Federation is formed and is all “Awww what a cute little UN you have, fuck off bro.” which you’d think this’d be the perfect time for him to just out Lelouch as Zero and wreck the Black Knights’ morale but he doesn’t for some reason and they’re just gonna fight. Lelouch is freaking out and knows that having everyone want to murder the Britannian royal family includes Nunally so he calls Suzaku who just straight up goes “Bro cut the crap are you Zero or not?” and after so much plotting and scheming Lelouch just comes right out with it. Suzaki agrees to protect Nunally as long as Lelouch meets him alone at the Kururugi Shrine where this all began.

Inuyasha: This is another one of those Modern Day filler episodes which are always fun. There’s just something about Inuyasha running around in modern Japan being Spider-Man and saving people and catching bank robbers on the way to deliver Kagome’s lunch that’s so thoroughly entertaining. Basically Inuyasha spends this whole episode jittery that everyone’s so chill and ready to relax after Naraku just got away and is probably an inch from death but after a big adventure in the modern era where Kagome is as usual unprepared for her test, he ends up passing out on the bed after insisting a little battle with Naraku wouldn’t exhaust him. It’s a really cute little episode to let everyone bide some time and reflect on the past arc now that we’re starting a new wave of filler before we get to the Band of Seven and Mt. Hakurei stuff.

Yu Yu Hakusho: The first match of the tournament is about to begin and Botan, Shizuru, and Keiko come in with Koenma who is sick of baby jokes and puts on his bishonen disguise to impress everyone. There’s some neat lore about how they gave Koenma the guest team every year to bribe him into not shutting down the tournament without giving him anything of value and how the bloody show of the Dark Tournament pacifies the demons so they kill fewer humans, so that’s cool. Since Yusuke is still passed out, Kuwabara is de facto Captain and decides on simple one on one matches while the other team Captain just kinda roasts an eight of the crowd to see if it’ll wake Yusuke up. Kuwabara’s in the first match versus Prototype Killua, complete with afterimages and yo-yo tricks. They size each other up for a while and Kuwabara shrugs off getting his fucking neck broken surprisingly well while they go back and forth with “Well I can track YOU better” for a while. Togashi really loves his yo-yos of death so those have Kuwabara on the ropes and turn him into a fucking kite ready to slam back down into the arena, so yeah, Kuwabara’s having a rough time of it.

Fate Zero: Waver’s been having strange dreams about Iskandar, and not the ones people usually have about him. So he goes to get a basic history lesson on the historical figure that’s been chilling on his couch for a few weeks and spending all his money on xbox live arcade. They also go through all the ridiculously obvious historical inaccuracies and Iskandar’s just like “idk bro, I’m here so the book must be wrong” which is hilarious because Fate also does this with more modern historical figures that we have pictures of and shit so they basically sit there saying all historians have no idea what they’re talking about and gaslighting the field of history as a whole. On the way back Waver’s upset that Iskandar’s so awesome that it basically takes any effort on his part to win and it won’t be an actual achievement despite the fact that they’ve taken out like… one servant, MAYBE, and most of the other historical figures are equally over the top. But still Iskandar says that if your aspirations are big enough it doesn’t matter how big or small you are, everyone’s tiny in the grand scheme of things and clawing at greatness you can’t truly perceive is what matters. Also Caster and his boy have found the wreck they made of their workshop of dead bodies and are kinda fucked up about it but also ready to fuck up more people because God sucks or some shit. So Caster summons a Bloodborne monster which you think more people would notice and mention during Shirou’s time, like nobody in UBW ever said “Hey remember like seven years ago when a giant Bloodborne monster appeared in the river?” so I’m guessing there’s some kind of perception blocking going on. But yeah everyone’s gonna jump on the Bloodborne Monster next time for the season premiere.

Konosuba: So we pick up where we left off and Kazuma is working off his debt by… killing more toads. Wow this world really is like a video game, we get the same five enemies over and over again. However they’re fucked without Darkness throwing herself into monster orifices looking for a good time so Yunyun has to save them. We already met Yunyun in the OVA so it’s kinda weird to be re-introduced to her here in basically the same way but their relationship is basically like Gai and Kakashi if they only did the lame dorky challenges Kakashi suggested when he’s too lazy to think of a good one. Also there’s a cat now, I don’t think that really comes to anything, just a scene of Megumin going “we have a cat now” and everyone’s like “kay”. Kazuma and Megumin play Naked Chicken to see who can get more naked before the other backs down and end up taking a bath together because they’re both stubborn assholes. Also we get a quick snippet of Yunyun and Megumin’s backstories which you can basically make Yunyun’s the swing scene from Naruto (idk why Yunyun is bring out the Naruto references in me today) and Megumin is stealing bread like Les Miserables in increasingly bizarre and disgusting ways because she’s ridiculously poor or some shit.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So turns out that Usagi and Mamoru BOTH had their shots with the ‘fucks everything up’ sword with a pocketwatch and… the discarded gems of the four knights? Idk how that works given they were humans and also dead but what baffles me more is that both Usagi and Mamoru very obviously did not get hit by the sword but decided to fall down dead and not move for a couple minutes despite their shots very much being blocked and there being no blood. Anyway Queen Metalia has the crystal, bullshit is happening, 1000 years of darkness, you’ve seen Xiaolin Showdown, you know the drill. The remaining four Guardians get a cute little flashback of Usagi saying what she likes about them and then they give up their lives to revive her inside the dark energy blob of Queen Metalia and crystals and lights and shit happens and swords and wands are pulled out of nowhere and you know how a final boss goes, they beat it with the power of believing in themselves and shit like that. Also apparently the only difference between sealing Metalia away and killing her is hitting the giant bullseye on her forehead so yeah, hopefully she’s down for good this time. I don’t want to complain because this show was genre-defining but it’s hard to find things to say about something so generic and milktoast, it’s the Seinfeld problem where there’s been so many more interesting iterations that it’s just kinda “get on with it already” at this point. The only real markedly noticeable thing about it is how plainly and unashamedly it is about being a power fantasy for teen girls, and there’s something to that, harmless power fantasies can be fun but it just feels like the physical mechanics of this kind of progression being “She feels this shit REALLY HARD” is less exciting than some of the alternatives

Durarara!!: It’s the big Masaomi backstory episode and we get the whole deal of how he formed the Yellow Scarves and got into a relationship with Saki because Izaya wanted to orechestrate a gang war because that’s what Izaya does all day is orchestrate gang wars. It’s kind of amazing how many kids in this show are like “I don’t know how it happened but one thing led to another and suddenly I was at the head of one of the largest gangs in the city” like they kinda really yadda yadda over how that actually happens. But anyway Saki gets hurt in the gang war and Kadota’s gang has to save her because Masaomi’s adrenaline wears off at the last second and he can’t try and rush in and save her. I mean Dota’s van got there first anyway so how much he’d have been able to help would be doubtful but he feels bad about not even being able to try and Izaya says that fear and failure of his past will dominate his future actions which is exactly what he’s doing by letting his paranoia and frustration lead him to a war on the Saika army. Dota-chin tells him to face up to it and stop running or live with the shame of lying to Saki but Masomi can’t do that and his shame and determination to reverse the situation leads everyone into chaos as Anri discovers his secret.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Code Geass #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Fate Zero #Konosuba #Sailor Moon Crystal #Durarara!!

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pagesofkenna · 4 years

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ok this is gonna be a little rambly so im putting it under a readmore; critdice and tonight’s talks related

(hows that for code switching)

i dont watch talks but i occasionally catch the summaries that get posted on tumblr and the comments on essek both amuse and frustrate me because a) liam and sam are right and they should say it, i love essek but hes NOT (wasnt?) a good person and just getting over everything he did because the fans think he’s hot is stupid. he has work to do and he’s not a protagonist so he doesn’t have to do it onscreen

but b) liam apparently makes a comment to the effect of ‘there are other heavy hitters i’d bring in’ and why do you NEED a heavy hitter?? this isn’t a fight! the players keep treating their interactions with the tombtakers as all a big foreplay for a showdown and it’s really not! the party didnt HAVE to take the job in eiselcross, and if they hadn’t all this tombtaker stuff would be happening in the background without any nein intervention at all

not that the nein should just let lucien do whatever he wants or even help him but they’ve been approaching lucien’s alive-ness as evidence of a boss battle to come since day one, which has colored how they’ve approached interacting with him in a way that frustrates me so much. there’s a scene where beau is trying to tell the party, before they potentially go see lucien, that they just need to talk to him to find out whats going on, because they knew jack! and everyone else was all ‘we’re not joining him wtf are you talking about of COURSE the only two options here are join his cult or try to slit his throat!’ GAH

which brings me to the fact that i have been TELLING my computer for WEEKS now that they need to go talk to essek. he’s RIGHT THERE matt obviously PUT him there to be a deus ex machina intervention in everything going on, but now the party’s suspicious of his motives and apparently don’t want to deal with him, and worse off dont think he’s be helpful in the big rodeo brawl they’re planning on having no matter what

i dont know WHAT essek would be helpful with, other than another NPC to bounce ideas off of. they can’t talk to dagon (why have they even been stringing dagon along??), their local empire contacts are all either dead or in a position to pin those deaths on the nein, and they can’t leave for fear of not being able to return. so go talk to essek!! they’ve been following the tombtakers around like lost puppies with zero plan and even less of an understanding of the situation theyre in. at the worst the dynasty outpost gets them away from the tombtakers for long enough to reevaluate their situation and figure out an actual plan

(at best the dynasty outpost will have some method of transportation that would be super helpful? like, the time between the peace treaty and the nein discovering essek had been reassigned to lead this outpost across the continent from the dynasty was only, what, a couple weeks?)

i’m scratching my head to think of any goals the party has beyond dealing with the threat lucien is presenting (deal with trent, deal with u’katoa, visit the tal’dorei council) so i understand why the cast is churning their wheels on this, but while typing that i realized the somnovum threat was probably intended to be something they dealt with after u’katoa?? like there’s other things you can be doing besides following lucien around waiting to be pumped up enough for the wrestling match you’ve decided to challenge him to?

idk. i wish they’d go talk to essek. and if it wasn’t essek running the dynasty outpost i wish they’d go talk to whoever was. they’ve been spinning their wheels in the snow for weeks and it really feels like that one move will get them back on track and they refuse to do it

(also, to change topics, apparently liam said some good stuff about mental health and recovery and talked about how caduceus’ positivity hasn’t been helping caleb because it doesn’t, idk, actually work for the situation caleb is in, and i kinda think that both a) cad’s positivity isn’t going to ultimately work for anyone? because it’s part of cad’s character flaw? i remember seeing meta a long time ago about cad not ever addressing some of his own negative feelings and that leading to a flawed sense of self, or something, but also b) caleb and maybe even liam are misunderstanding some of cad’s mental health advice as just blanket ‘positivity’? i don’t think cad’s ever been a ‘just choose happiness’ kinda guy? but i’ll have to rewatch a bunch of cad convos before i try to fully make this argument)

#critdice #tldr is just that i continue to wish they'd stop treating all interactions with the tombtakers as a prelude to a fight #because i believe they're the ones deciding this is going to be a fight not matt and anot the tombtakers #and also i wish theyd just go to the dynasty outpost already

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zankivich · 5 years

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Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 12

a/n: hi friends. I really liked writing this chapter. Idk I wanted to explore some themes that aren’t sunshines and rainbows. But I also wanted to explore what communication looks like and what a healthy relationship can look like. I’m trying to figure out what this relationship would genuinely look like through long distance. How do you make it work? How do you create a healthy dynamic with your partner?

Warnings: smut, little angsty with some fighting.

*Shawn’s point of view*

The first time they get in a fight post actually being in a relationship is pretty terrible. It’s the worst because they’re not physically together. Instead they’re thousands of miles away from each other. At least after the fact. After the grammys, he goes home for a few more weeks before it’s time to start preparing for tour. And in that time they’re fine. They go out with their friends. They watch netflix when she comes home from work. They go to art museums and taking really sappy selfies in front of the artwork. They make love constantly. Usually the second she walks into the door. And it’s the best it’s ever been. It’s the best they’ve ever been. So good in fact that it never occurs to him that anything could go wrong. What could possibly go wrong?

They’re in the bedroom going through his closet as he packs again, only this time he’s feeling a little giddy because they’re packing to leave together. They’re supposed to be leaving together.

“I got you something.” He murmured moving to the section of his closet that he’d kept it hidden in.

“Shawn, you have got to stop buying me things.” She whined. “I’m gonna run out of places to put them.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re so incredibly dramatic. I barely buy you anything, and you know it. If every time I wanted to get you something and you didn’t turn down my undying, unwavering love for you, maybe then we could talk.”

“Yes, I’m the dramatic one in this relationship. As long as we’re on the same page.”

Despite the fact that his girlfriend was mean to him, he still brought out her present. It was a suitcase. A tommy hilfiger suitcase to be more specific. It was sleek and pretty, and he was buying one for himself anyway, so why not get matching ones? He even stuck a bow on it, like a good ass boyfriend should. So, when he rolled it out in front of her and did a sort of ta-da moment, only for her face to fall, excuse him for being a little taken aback.

He peered down at his gift.

“It uh--it’s for our trip. I thought that it might be cute for us to have matching suitcases.” He sighed. “Maybe not?”

“No. It uh--it’s really sweet, baby; thank you.”

“But?”

She winced. “But uh...I’m not coming with you to London.”

“What?”

She scooted along to the edge of the bed reaching out for his hands, but he kept them perched on his hips.

“I just… I’ve been thinking about it, and I think it might be good for us, if I stay here.”

“What does that mean? Why would being away from each other be good for us?” He asked. “And when exactly were you gonna tell me you weren’t coming, y/n?”

“Well, we’ve been more or less together every single day since we became friends, Shawn. When you’re not at work we’re either in my apartment, or yours, or at one of our favorite restaurants. Or watching movies.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you were suffering in silence this whole time. I kind of thought my girlfriend might want to hang out with me. My mistake.”

She sighed. “You’re getting defensive. Can you just try to listen to me for a second, please?”

“To be fair, you’re telling me you don’t want to be around me anymore. This is literally coming out of nowhere, y/n.”

“Look, fucking relax for a minute. I’m not saying I don’t want to be around you. I am saying I just need to take a step back for a second. I need to refocus myself. It’s got nothing to do with you.”

He could feel his face heating up, and he really didn’t have any idea how he was going to calm down. In all of the time they’d been at home she had never said anything. And it wasn’t like he was refusing to leave her apartment. She would always come home from work and knock on his door. She called him during lunch to complain about someone who sucked at her job. She loved cuddling for hours on end in bed and talking about the most random shit. It wasn’t just that he was angry, which quite frankly that was certainly part of it. It was that if he could go weeks and weeks on end thinking that they were okay, that they were better than okay, while she was feeling something completely different? What the hell did that say about him?

He took a deep breath his hands twitching anxiously at his sides. He hadn’t felt so far away from her in such a long time.

“S--so what is it then? Is it a break? Are we taking a break?”

“No! No, that is not what I’m saying, Shawn. Jesus.” She paused and took another deep breath. “I’m saying that I’m gonna be in Toronto. You’re gonna be in London. We’re still together. We’re still everything that we’ve been this whole entire time. I’m just not going to London with you. This is an opportunity for you to go do rehearsals, to be with your friends, to have a good time. This is not a death sentence.”

“What else could it possibly be? I’m gonna be away for the majority of the fucking year and now you pull this? Now all of a sudden, you want space? I’ve done this before, y/n. I’m not stupid. I know what this is!”

They’ve both got pretty out there personality types. His was a little more reserved, but once he got there in terms of emotion, he was usually there for a minute. And she fed off the energy of those around her. So, when he raises his voice it’s like an instant response from her. And all of a sudden they’re having this blow up argument that neither of them saw coming.

“What the fuck are you even talking about right now?! You’re not being rational, Shawn! This is absolutely ridiculous. It’s like I’m speaking to a crazy person!”

“I’m not fucking crazy! This is about the grammys isn’t it? And the carpet and the photos. And how you looked. You can’t handle it, and now you’re scared, and now you’re just trying to let me down easy! I’m not some soft baby. I’m a grown ass man, and you can be honest with me!”

“What the hell do you mean, ‘how I looked’? What was wrong with how I looked?”

“I don’t know y/n, what the hell was wrong with how you looked?! I mean you’re so confident no one can touch you one second, and the next you're staring at Miley on the carpet like a lost puppy just because of her physical appearance. I am doing everything that I can to make things easier for you, but there’s only so much that I can do.”

There’s a moment in every argument where the entire tone shifts. Where it’s no longer just throwing loud words at one another. A point of no return, where you’ve been hurt and so you lash out, and you say the wrong thing. It’s that point where you’re no longer yelling to make yourself feel better, you’re yelling to hurt that person. Even if you don’t recognize it in that moment. And the second that she pauses, her eyes widening in shock, he knows that this thing just got worse. That they’re not gonna fix this tonight.

“You’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve.” She hissed immediately climbing out of his bed. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but I don’t do relationships with people who don’t respect me. It is not my fault you’re so fucking insecure about how everyone views you and what everyone thinks about you. Not everything is layered in double meaning. I just wanted to stay the fuck home. Which is where I’ll be going tonight, because I can actually not even stand to look at you right now.”

“Wait. Wait--fuck! Don’t leave.”

“No! Go fuck yourself.”

She shoves past him and slams his bedroom door shut. A few moments later he can hear the door to his apartment give a similar slam. Just like that he’s alone with this ugly thing inside of him. It’s anger and fear and hurt and sadness. And the one person in the world who had consistently been around to fix it is suddenly gone. Just like that.

***

He woke up the next day in a terrible mood. His back hurt. He’d grown so use to wrapping his body around the softness that was his girlfriend, that a night apart was hell on his sleep cycle. The wake up call from Andrew telling him to get his ass to the airport, surely didn’t help things. He rushed to pull all of his clothes together into a new bag, because his tommy hilfiger suitcase no longer had the same feel. On his way out of the door, he peered over at her door. Since she wasn’t going anymore this was usually time she went to work. He couldn’t forget the hurt in her eyes when he’d said what he said last night. And he’d never forgive himself if he left without apologizing.

He knocked gently, biting his lip anxiously as he waited for her. It only took maybe forty-five seconds for him to figure out that she knew he was on the other side, and that she had zero intentions of answering.

“Babe,” He sighed knocking again. “y/n, please open the door.”

Silence.

“I...I know I fucked up, okay? I know that I hurt you. And I’m so sorry. I--I never meant to disrespect you. I just was hurt and I lashed out, and I just--fuck. Fuck, baby please open the door.”

He stays outside her door much longer than he has time for. He calls her and can hear her press ignore on his phone call, before turning her phone off all together. It’s not until the driver who was taking him to the airport called to tell him he had to leave, or he’d miss his flight, that he can find the will to move away from the door. Leaving is the hardest thing he’s ever done. And knowing that he couldn’t take it back, wasn’t gonna be able to fix it left him with his heart sad and hurting on his sleeve.

Brian’s in the car already waiting on him, and he’s got nothing to offer his best friend except for a shitty mood and a complete inability to hold a conversation as he tries desperately to text his girlfriend. It’s an absolute shit show. Go tour.

***

People quickly start to notice that he’s not happy. He’s not sure what gives it away, because he’s been trying like to hell to keep a smile on his face, but if the worried glances of Andrew, Cez, and Brian simultaneously hovering over him as he sits by himself between rehearsals are anything to go off of, clearly he’s doing it wrong. But, he was a little preoccupied trying to craft another text message to his girlfriend who seemed to hate his guts.

Meanwhile huddled in the corner, his team was trying to figure out what the hell to do with him.

“Brian, you flew with him here, what the hell’s been going on?” Andrew asked peering over as he moped quite pathetically.

“At first I thought it was because he just hadn’t slept much the night before, but then y/n wasn’t there to go to the airport with us, so I’m assuming it has something to do with that.” Brian explained.

“Shawn’s never this down for this long though.” Cez interrupted. “You really think he’s this broken up over her not being here?”

“Who the hell knows anymore?” Andrew sighed. “Sometime’s the kid is ready to bite my head off if I suggest they take different cars to and from the hotel. He’s protective as all get out over her.”

Brian snorted. “We went to a bar in Toronto a couple weeks ago, and they literally sat in the booth sharing a pitcher of long island with two straws and then making out until they ditched us to go hook up in a bathroom I think. Dude’s completely head over heels. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Tell us about it.” The rest of them said in unison.

“Does anyone know why y/n didn’t end up coming?” Andrew asked.

When even Brian shrugged, he figured it was time for his tour dad persona to make a re--appearance because apparently Shawn wasn’t talking to anyone about what was going on in his head.

He waited until their meeting that they had two times a day: one to go over everything for the day, and another to talk about the rest of the week/tomorrow. It’s always the only time where it’s just him and Shawn and it seems like the best way to go about things. When they sit down and Shawn’s leg is bouncing, and he keeps eyeing his phone on the table, and crossing and uncrossing his arms, Andrew couldn’t help but wonder if his client had ever been subtle a day in his life.

“Hey, so I figured we could skip the usual meeting and do something a little different today.”

Shawn shrugged. “Yea? How come?”

“I don’t know. I guess I thought there might be something you wanted to talk about, get off your chest maybe?”

“Oh Andrew, no. Please, don’t do the tour dad bit!” He immediately groaned. “I’m not sixteen anymore.”

“I know you’re not, bud. I do. It doesn’t mean you have to handle the entire world on your shoulders without ever asking for help, though.”

“I know that. I--I always reach out when I need it, don’t I?” He mumbled picking at nothing on his jeans.

“Usually you do. But, we’ve been in london for about a week now. I don’t like to pry at all, but you had me arrange for housing accomodations separate from the rest of us only to show up here and room with Brian in his hotel room. I also can’t help but notice that y/n isn’t here. And that except for when we’re running rehearsals or meeting fans, you’re not really here either. From the looks of it you’re not talking to anyone about it. So, yea, I’m a little concerned. I think we all are. But, it’s only because we care about you.”

Shawn seems to sink even lower into the couch, his shoulders slumping in on themselves. He wipes a hand over his mouth and then went to playing with his helix piercing with one hand while the other tangled up in his swallow necklace. Finding something physically to touch, always made him feel a little less anxious.

“Fine. We had a fight.” He sniffed. “Our first fight, actually.”

“Okay. That’s rough. What happened?”

He immediately groaned and covered his face with his hands.

“I’m a piece of shit, that’s what happened.”

“Do you wanna unpack that a little more for me?”

“It’s just like male fragile fucking ego right? Like I’m so insecure in myself and I don’t want to be alone, and you telling me that you don’t want to be with me in this moment, must mean that you don’t want to be with me at all. And I’m freaking out right? Because maybe it never made sense for you to want me in the first place.”

He’d been thinking about it a lot obviously.

“She just...she didn’t want to come to London with me.” He sighed completely deflated and defeated. “She said we’ve been spending all of our time together...and we have but I--I don’t want anything else when I’m with her. There was one day we were lying in bed all day. Like we genuinely never got out of bed except to like pee or grab snacks so that we could get back into the bed. I missed the gym for the first time in four months. But, it was the happiest I’d been in so long. And then you and I keep having these fights about me being too into her and not being focused...and then she tells me twelve hours before the flight that we need space apart, because we’ve spent every second together but like, I’m gonna be gone for the year. And I can’t help but be so fucking terrified that she’s not gonna want me anymore. That it won’t be worth it. That I’m not worth it.”

“Hey. Hey, you know that’s not true.”

He chuckled sadly. “I couldn’t convince my girlfriend to come to london for free and spend time with me, Andrew. She’d rather be at work.”

He’s sitting there so clearly hurting and running over the situation again and again in his head. Andrew hadn’t seen him like this over a woman maybe ever, and his willingness to find fault in himself was as startling as it was concerning.

“I really don’t think that’s it. I’m sure that it feels that way, and I get why it’s hard for you, I mean none of this is exactly the usual way of going about things. And maybe it’s your normal, and maybe you know exactly what things should be like, but just because it’s your normal doesn’t mean it’s her’s yet ya know? Did you ever actually sit down and talk to her about how she felt about your being away for so long?”

He shook his head softly. “N--No. Not exactly.”

“And we’ve talked about it before, she likes to internalize things right?”

“Yea. She does.”

“So maybe this is her way of doing that. Instead of talking to you about how much she misses you, she’s isolating herself instead cause it’s what she knows. I’m not sure what was said during your fight obviously, but I think it might do you both a little good to try and see things from the other’s perspective.”

So. Great. Andrew’s a genius, and he’s the dumbest fucker alive. There’s a shock.

“Fuck….Well she’s not answering my phone calls, texts, emails, instagram dms, or facetime requests. So, that’s gonna be a bit of a stretch there, but your suggestion sounds wonderful.”

They sat in silence for a minute, Shawn still glum and upset while Andrew stared on in empathy.

“Do you wanna fly back to her?”

Shawn’s head shot up at that. “Excuse me?”

“I know you think I’m out to get you and ruin all your fun sometimes, but I do actually care about your happiness and wellbeing. We’ve got just under a month to prepare. If you don’t mind taking the hit then neither do I. I’d rather have you at home and come back happy then sit here and be miserable.”

“A--Are you sure? Andrew, my whole job is to be here right now. To get ready for this live show.”

“Yes. But if this is what you need to do in order to do that then tell me, and I’ll the book the flight myself.”

It’s a total catch twenty-two. He wanted to apologize, needed to make things better between the two of them. But, she wasn’t answering his messages. And if he flew back maybe it would be helpful, but what if it wasn’t? What if it made her hate him even more because he hadn’t done the one fucking thing she asked of him--to stay away? And on the other end, if he didn’t go back, if he didn’t make things right, would the damage to their relationship be fixable thousands of miles apart?

“I just need a day. A day to check in, and talk to her and I’ll come right back I swear. This isn’t gonna be like this forever, Andrew, I promise.” He sighed.

“It’s fine. Let’s just get you the flight picked out as soon as we can okay?”

“Okay. Okay, thank you.”

“No problem. It’s what I’m here for.”

***

*y/n’s point of view*

You were standing at your desk, shoes off, hair pulled down, and a headache the size of vancouver. You hadn’t been sleeping well. You hadn’t been working well. There was tension swelling up in your shoulders and neck, which tended to happen when you felt like you were suffocating under the weight of the world. And that’s exactly how you felt.

Not returning Shawn’s calls was incredibly difficult. You missed the sound of his voice, and the feel of his hands on your hips, and the tickle of his hair on your neck. But, everytime the phone rang and you even thought about responding, you heard the words he said to you that night play back into your head. He had made you feel like a burden, had taken your genuine concerns and fears and held them completely against you. And so had you, you weren’t immature enough to think that you hadn’t. You knew you both were hurting. You just...felt a little more stubborn at first. And then as the first week of being a part was coming to an end, and the red hot anger had begun to cool, you didn’t know how to end the fight. It was your first one ever afterall.

You were standing there so wrapped up in your own thoughts that you didn’t even notice when you started searching for plane tickets, until you found one that left at eleven o'clock that night. You peered up at the clock on your wall to see that it was already a little after seven. Your boss would kill you if she found out…

“Hey, are you still fucking sitting at work?” Stu’s loud ass voice entered the room, as his face came up on the screen of your phone. “Sis, we have got to find you some better coping mechanisms.”

“Thank you Oprah, now can we get back to why I actually called you, or would you like to comment on the bags under my eyes too?”

He sighed. “Well I do have a cream for that, but please continue.”

“I need you to talk me out of buying a plane ticket tonight.”

“A plane ticket? Where to?”

You bit your lip anxiously. “To London?”

“To London?! You mean to see Shawn and stop being a little whiny, stressed out asshole. You called me, your best friend, to talk you out of the healthiest decision I’ve heard from you in weeks? I think not!”

You simply needed to get better friends.

“Shit.” You groaned mouse rolling over the button that would secure the purchase. “What if he doesn’t want to see me? We had a really bad fight Stu.”

“That man has been calling you twenty times a day. He emailed me for Christ’s sake. All he wants is to see you. Go to him please?”

“But--But what about work? I’m overseen by Gina now, if she found out I flew to London in the middle of the week?”

“She’d probably pay for the flight herself if she saw how stressed out you’ve been.” Stu snorted. “Look it’s Wednesday. We’ve already had our cross-collaboration meeting for the week. You’re allowed to take off Fridays as it. What’s one more day, if it means you come back happier?”

Perhaps that’s why you called all along. Stu had a way of clearing your mind. He was persuasive as fuck, and it usually got you into trouble, but you couldn’t help but trust him with your life.

“Fuck. Okay I’m gonna do it.”

“THANK GOD! Go get your mans!”

It’s complete and utter mayhem after that point. There’s the running home to shove things into a suitcase. You couldn’t even plan your outfits around what you might do as was usually your go to, because there was always the option that your boyfriend was gonna kick you out onto the streets. You did sneak into his apartment with the key he’d given you for when he wasn’t home to find your gift still sitting sadly at the foot of his bed. It seemed like a nice enough peace offering on your behalf. You were just hopeful that he wouldn’t hate you.

***

The place that Shawn had the both of you stay was maybe the cutest place in the world. It was a tiny cottage nestled away from the chaos of the city. You knew it was a thirty minute drive from the hotel where the rest of the crew was staying, and that that had been purposeful. When you went to check-in you were slightly nervous that it would be under Shawn’s name, and that they would think you were just a crazed fan. But, sure enough Andrew had listed you on the reservation. He really did think of everything.

Inside the cottage, everything was completely untouched. It was all hardwood and soft everything else with blankets and pillows galore. There was a fireplace and a breakfast nook, and a kitchen that you never would have had time to use. It looked like a little oasis. Like maybe you could have forgotten about everything here together. You imagined Shawn planning everything to a tea. He would’ve wanted to take you sightseeing, would’ve insisted on the two of you driving to the cottage separate from everyone else so that it felt like going home. He always thought of things like that. He always wanted you to be happy over everything else, and you guess you had kind of trampled all over that and spat it into his hand.

It only takes two walkthroughs of the cottage for you to figure out that Shawn hadn’t slept here at all. His toiletries were missing from the bathroom. His humidifier wasn’t by the bed. You couldn’t even smell him in the sheets. You plopped down gently on the bed and pulled your phone out to three new missed calls from Shawn. You’d wanted it to be a surprise but you figured now was as good as any. If he was at another hotel, you’d have to talk to him to find out anyway.

“Hello?” You murmured gently into the phone as he picked up on the first ring.

“Y/n? H--Hi! Hi. Uh...wow I’m sorry, I didn’t think you were gonna pick up.”

“Yea. Sorry for ghosting, I just...I don’t know actually. I don’t know.”

He swallowed. “It’s okay.”

“Not really though.”

“Listen, are you still at work right now?”

“No. I’m not.”

Shawn sighed. “Okay well uh... where are you?”

“I’m sitting on a bed in the cottage that you got us. I guess I kinda thought you might be here, but maybe rehearsals are still going on?”

“Excuse me?”

You winced. “I came to London. To like apologize, and to try and fix things.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”

You close your eyes ready for him to start laying in on you for being the worst girlfriend ever. And then he starts to laugh. And you’re not sure whether to be offended or scared.

“What the hell is so funny?” You muttered.

“You’re not gonna believe this but I’m in Canada. In front of your apartment door to be more precise.”

“What?!”

“Yea. Andrew gave me the greenlight to fly home and try and fix things. Apparently I’ve been a bit of a dick lately.”

You collapsed back on the bed and brought your arm up to cover your face.

“We are genuinely idiots.”

“Little bit.” He chuckled. “But uh--this is the first time I’ve talked to you in a week and I have to say I really missed the sound of your voice.”

“Yea. I really missed yours too.” You whispered. “Shawn, I’m s--”

“No, stop. Don’t say anything until we’re together. I’m gonna get on the first flight back, and I’ll come to you okay? Let’s just, let’s save it all for in person.”

You smiled a little bit. “Okay. I guess I can do that.”

“I love you more than anything okay? And I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you too.”

You hung up the phone before peering aimlessly around the room. What the hell was a girl to do for her first time in a different country without anyone to show her around?

***

*Third point of view*

Shawn felt way too large in the tiny cottage. His shoulders barely cleared the door and then he tripped into the dark room, his luggage and feet getting twisted together. What a shit show. Two back to back flights with 5 hours of time difference between the two places was more than hell on his body but what was he to do when his girlfriend needed him?

The fireplace was lit and his girlfriend was wrapped up cozily in a blanket, dead asleep in her chair. He thought that she might love a place like this, but he couldn’t have imagined just how right she might look nestled softly into this image before him. She was perfect.

He reached gently for her as a means to not startle her, his heart swelling dramatically when her nose scrunched as she yawned and stretched herself awake.

“Shawn?” She mumbled sleepily. “You’re here?”

He dropped to his knees in front of her, hands moving everywhere to touch her.

“I’m here, baby. I’m right here.”

She runs her fingers through his hair having missed the touch of him. He practically purrs beneath her. They really sucked at being apart. And being mad at each other while they were apart? They were downright awful at that one.

He hugs her waist from where’s she sitting and she bends over to grab at as much at him as she can. They both are emotional and tired and so a few tears at this point is nothing because suddenly their other half is there to wipe them away. It’s the most healing thing in the world to both of them.

“Are you tired? We can talk in the morning.” She murmured rubbing soothingly at his cheeks as the final tears dried away.

He shook his head. “I’ve been thinking about this moment all week. I wanna talk now, if that’s okay with you?”

“Sure.” She breathed.

Shawn tugged at y/n’s hands bringing them both to the dining room table. In some ways it’s good that they have the cottage. It acts as a neutral space for the both of them, the memories of Shawn’s bedroom a couple thousand miles away impossible to taint the moment. They sit at the table facing each other and immediately link fingers. It’s their first fight, but even a first fight comes with a first makeup, a first chance to learn and grow from the hurt.

“I’d like to start, if that’s okay?” He asked waiting for her to give the okay before he continued speaking. “I know that I overreacted. It didn’t feel that way at the time. It felt like...it felt like every fear I’ve ever had about our relationships coming true right in front of me. And those weeks together before that were so indescribably perfect that I just never saw it coming. You never gave me any sort of indication that you were unhappy, or that you needed space. I’m not going to pretend like I would’ve taken it any better. I mean I--I don’t know, honestly, but I think it would have helped a lot.”

“Yea, I . . . I was trying not to hurt you. Which, sounds ridiculous given the fight we ended up having but...I should have told you. I should have told you the second I knew. The thing is, I wanted to come, Shawn; I did. I just, after the grammys, and after the hanging out with your friends, and going on dates every day of the week, and the sex four times a day I got...lonely?”

“Lonely?”

She sighed and tugged frustratingly at her hair as she tried to reorganize her thoughts. It looked like it hurt, so he reached for her hands again to let her steady them on his.

“Hey, it’s okay. I just want to understand. Help me understand.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before letting her lips move.

“It’s like, I was going to bed every night in your arms, but I couldn’t help but remember that for the rest of the year we weren’t gonna be together. And my body couldn’t register anything else. It felt like my soul was clinging to you or something--I’m sorry that sounds so sappy. I mean that my body just wanted to be with you but it knew that you were gonna leave. And the buildup of that was killing me. It hurt. It hurt worse than anything. And I just thought that the only way I was gonna be able to live through it was to get ahead of the pain. It was selfish. I know that but, I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Talk to me. You can always talk to me, and we can work through this shit together. You’re not in this alone. I’m right there with you. And the thought of being without you is absolutely terrifying. It kills me. There’s no one else in the world I can talk to about that, but you. You have to trust me.”

“I do. I do trust you. I promise that’s not what it was about. I didn’t want you wasting any time worrying about me. It--it’s not like it was gonna fix anything. This is where we’re at Shawn.”

“It doesn’t have to be so pessimistic. This is my fault, I should have taken more time to talk to you about it. I should have...I should have done more. I’m sorry.”

“What more could you have possibly done?” She chuckled dryly.

“We can sit down and schedule out the whole year. When you’re gonna visit. When my breaks are, and when I can come home to you. We can pencil in face time dates. It’s not gonna be the same. I know that but...it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, right? We can make it work if we’re both willing. Are you--are you willing?”

She squeezed down on his fingers making him feel more deeply rooted to the ground. His heart was hammering beneath his sternum. And she knew it was his greatest fear, so she did everything in her power to reassure him.

“Yes. I promise I am. I don’t want to be without you, so I’ll take anything I can get.”

He frowned at that knowing that all he wanted was to give her the world. The thought of her settling made his chest feel tight. But, they were just finally getting over their argument, so he lets it settle deep in the back of his mind for now.

“I need to apologize for the rest of what I said that night.” He mumbled.

She shook her head. “It’s fine.”

“It’s so far from fine, it’s not even funny y/n. Don’t ever try and give me an out like that. You were right. I--I disrespected you, and the bare minimum you deserve is an apology.”

She nods softly at the fire in his eyes and holds tighter onto his hand as he attempts to explain.

“It...It’s hard to find security in something when I don’t have control over it. When I’m away from home for so long and I can’t lie with you when you’re having a bad day, or rub your back when you’re cramping, it makes me feel unworthy of calling you mine. And that--that’s on me. That’s my own shit, and that doesn’t mean I get to lash out and say hurtful things to you. You deserve so much more than that. I’m deeply and truly sorry that I hurt you. I love you so much, and I’m never going to do that to you again. Okay? I swear to you.”

“Okay. Okay, I forgive you.” She whispers. “As long as you forgive me. I should never use your anxiety or your mental health against you. That’s totally fucking uncalled for. I’ll never do it again.”

“I forgive you.” He whispered affectionately back. “I love you, so much. Can I kiss you now?”

“Yes. Of course you can.”

He knows that there's not an ounce of anger left in his body when she kisses him, because surely anger couldn’t feel this soft. He loves her and he loves the feel of her arms on his shoulders and the hum of her vocal chords when he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth. But even if the anger has melted, there’s still a bit of a struggle there for him, a struggle to be understood and to be heard. And he didn’t want to leave this moment without it.

“I just...I’m scared okay?” He admits softly as she holds him close. “I know I’ve never said it before but, you terrify me.”

She frowns softly at him fingers twirling aimlessly in his curls.

“In what way?”

“In all of them.” he chuckled before peering seriously into her eyes. “I’ve never been in love like this before. I’ve never felt so out of control of my feelings and my emotions before. I’m afraid that one day someone’s gonna say the wrong thing. We’ll be out in public and they’ll say something to upset us, or an interviewer will ask a question they shouldn’t on air, or someone might get you in trouble at work. And I’m afraid that one day you’re gonna look around and ask yourself what the hell do you get out of us. I just feel like I love you more than anything and I guess it just hurts that I come with all this baggage. I can’t help but think one day it might not be enough to keep you with me.”

Her eyebrows knitted together and she stared at him with those big ole eyes like she could see all of him, like she was the only one who saw all of him.

“How come you’ve never told me that before?”

“I think I might have been afraid to speak into existence. So, I figured if I just did everything in my being to make things perfect, you might forget that I’m a singer with about forty five million people worth of baggage, if my instagram is anything to go off of.”

She giggled and his heart squeezed delicately in his chest.

“I don’t think I could quite manage to forget that.” She murmured. “Shawn, you can’t try and do it all on your own. You can’t try to hide them from me as much as it might seem nice at first. It’s unsustainable, and you already work too hard to add the impossible to your plate. I knew what I was getting myself into. It’s hard. We both know that but...I love you. And I love you enough for it to be hard. Let that be enough.”

“I’m trying.” He whispered softly. “You’re more than enough. You’re more than I could have ever asked for you, you know that?”

“I love you.” She murmured and kissed his forehead.

“I love you too.”

Making up is a very emotionally draining thing, especially when one is mature enough to admit their own wrong doings in the situation. So, after a lot of kissing and hugging, they each make their way to bed. Y/n reached for Shawn immediately pulling his body on top of hers until they were intrinsically intertwined together. Shawn pressed his face against her neck kissing and humming nibbling at the skin. They don’t speak much, just enjoy each other’s company. And for the night, that’s all that matters.

*y/n’s point of view*

Your phone going off is what wakes you up. You were nestled into Shawn’s arms and the thought of leaving that warmth was incredibly offensive. You reached hazardly for the phone only to see that it was Stu. This meant that either someone was dying or he was about to completely waste your time. There was no inbetween with him.

“How dare you not tell me!” Stu screamed.

Completely waste your time it was.

Shawn began to stir and whined softly at the prospect of you not being fully in his arms. He quickly readjusted his weight to be more firmly pressed against you, and then kissed stubbornly at your jaw.

“Babe, come back to bed.”

“Shh.” You murmured as the two men in your life nagged you. “What in the hell are you talking about?”

“I am looking at your boyfriend giving me ‘come suck me off eyes’ and I have never been so offended in my whole gay ass life!

Your mind immediately went to the worse thinking that somehow a nude or something had leaked, and so you sat straight up in bed, Shawn flailing helplessly to the side.

“What the fuck? What is it?!”

“Woops. I can see now that you truly have no idea what I’m talking about in which case this may be a little disconcerting. Your boyfriend is the new face of calvin klein and baby is serving more than face! He is serving ‘bend me over in the middle of the grocery story’ . Which leads me to my next question, how have we never talked about his dick before? Brian and I have questions.”

“What in the absolute hell is going on?” Shawn groaned now fully up and awake.

You rolled your eyes. “It sounds like you may have done an underwear ad and neglected to tell your GIRLFRIEND. And now my very gay best friend is calling me at the crack ass of dawn in toronto to complain about me not telling him.”

“Shit. Did that go out today?”

“Are you two about to start fighting again? We hate it when mom and dad fight.”

“Goodbye Stu! I will talk to you later.”

You tossed your phone off to the side peering over at your groggy boyfriend with messy curls and red patchy cheeks to match. His cuteness almost made you forget about how annoyed you were at the prospect of him forgetting to mention such incredibly important information. Almost.

He smiled dopely. “Sorry?”

“We’re in a fight again.”

“No! No more fighting please.” He whined quickly tackling you down to the sheets.

You squealed and giggled as he placed playful kisses over any part of your skin he could find.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mention it. I was a little nervous about it. I will show you every picture if you want. It’s just me in my underwear, which to be fair you can see that anytime you want.”

You hummed softly wrapping your legs tightly around his hips.

“Anytime?” You murmured. “You saying you’d model for me if I asked?”

“No, that was not at all what I was saying! You don’t want me to model for you. I’d be horrible.”

“I think you would do just fine. I think you’re sexy and beautiful and wonderful, and I can’t imagine a reason why you shouldn’t project that out into the world.”

He brought his head out of the crook of your neck and peered down at you with wide and honest eyes. His thumb caressed gently at your cheek and it kind of made you melt.

“The wild thing is when you say shit like that I really believe it.” He mumbled. “You’re sort of perfect, you know that?”

“Yes. Yes I do. You’re perfect too.” You reminded him softly.

He captured your lips quickly in a kiss that had your whole body thrumming beneath him. His fingers pulled at the hair tie of your bun, quickly getting lost in the strands. You had no idea what time it was, where Shawn needed to be or when, and it suddenly didn’t seem to matter. You needed this moment, needed to feel each other a new after all the bullshit of the last week.

“Haven’t felt you in so long.” Shawn whispered letting his hands map your body so intimately it brought goosebumps to your skin. “Need to touch you. Need to taste you. Please?”

“Y--Yes. God, yes.”

He shoves the blankets away leaving you exposed as he tugs at your t-shirt and bra until your body is laid out for his eyes to feed on. And it’s kind of wild how he can make you feel worshipped and like his own personal prey all at once. Because his eyes are so loving, so giving in the way that he kisses at the bulge of skin where your hip and stomach meet because your tummy isn’t flat. But there’s a heat there too when he takes a nipple into his mouth, teeth sharp and purposeful in the way they make your back arch. It doesn’t matter to you either way. You’d give yourself to him endlessly. And he seems willing to take you up on the offer.

When he tugs at your underwear and sits back on his knees with a cocky ass smirk on his lips, the confidence coming off this man in waves you are struck with a realization. A very important one.

“Wait, I need to suck your dick.”

His eyes widened, persona faltering slightly.

“Huh?”

“You’re so hot right now I really need to have your dick in my mouth.”

“Shit. Well I kind of had my heart set on eating you out.”

He grabbed at the meat of your thigh to drive his point home. This only solidified your dick sucking need though.

“Well I guess we’re gonna have to sixty-nine it, then.”

“Fine, but only if you’re on top. Kinda want your ass on my face anyway.”

It was your turn for your eyes to widen. How dare he just say some wild ass shit like that.

When in London try out new sex positions, or something like that.

Shawn rid of himself of his boxers and quickly tugged at your hips until you were straddling his body from the opposite direction. His fingers melded to the curve of your ass and something happened that truly neither of you could have expected. Shawn, in all of his fascination with your ass all of a sudden let his hand come down with some movement against you. It wasn’t a slap, but it was enough to jolt your body entirely. Who would’ve thought you’d like your ass slapped? Certainly not you.

“Wait, could you...could you do that again?” You murmured peering down at him between your legs.

“Do what?”

You bit your lip. “Smack my ass.”

“Oh... Yea.” He raises his hand and comes down more firmly on your right cheek with that palm of his that’s too big for its own good. “Like that?”

Your back arches involuntarily and you slid down further on the bed, ass poised in the air as a moan passes your lips.

“Fuck, baby.” He whined. “You look so good right now.”

Your thighs squeezed together and he moved to push at your knees with his elbow, spreading you all the more for him.

“Need you on my face.” He whispered. “Give it to me.”

And then he pulled you right where he needed you to go to lick into you fully and deeply. It is by far the most intoxicating thing you’ve ever felt. They don’t tell you how difficult it is to focus on sucking a dick when your boyfriend’s eating your pussy like it’s the last coke in the desert. Porn really could have prepared you better for life in a host of different ways.

Eventually when you get used to your heart pounding you reach between his legs to guide his hard on between your lips. It’s takes a second to get used to angle, but once you find your rhythm it’s kind of magical. His thighs tense and his hips buck up as you let the flat of your tongue coat him perfectly. Your fingers wrap delicately around the shaft as your mouth focuses exclusively on the head, lips tight and wet with every pull.

“Fuck!” Shawn whined collapsing back against the sheets. “You have no idea how good that feels.”

His hand comes down on you again, but you can tell he’s in a sex fueled haze, because it’s much sharper than normal Shawn would’ve ever allowed himself to give. It drives you absolutely wild. You moan and then he moans and you’re both just a mess of sweaty limbs and near orgasms. He slips two fingers into you and something about the angle has him pressing right where you could ever possibly need him. Your hips begin to pulse and rotate and you have to pull off of his dick because the sounds coming out of your mouth are unruly.

“Fuck! Oh my god!” You gasped. “Deeper. Deeper, please.”

He slaps your ass again and shifts his fingers against a spot inside of you that makes your eyes roll back in your head as your orgasm rips through your body. There’s a squelching sound as Shawn’s fingers plunge you into at the same time that you begin to squirt all over his chest. It’s so overwhelming that your vision cuts out and you collapse is a wet, sticky heap.

“Jesus Christ. Look at you.” He mumbled thumb still flicking at your overstimulated clit.

You wiggle out of his grasp, tired, and in desperate need to get your boyfriend off. Because equality.

You straddled his hips one hand directing his hard on inside of you while the other worked to get your hair out of your face.

“You’re amazing.” He huffed into the air as you rode him fast and dirty into the mattress. “So fucking amazing.”

His hands on your hips made you feel like you were on fire. It was so good. And maybe it was because of the fight, maybe it was just not seeing each other for so long, but whatever it was you were bringing each other somewhere completely new. A high that had yet to been reached for the two of you. It was magic. It was hot and sensual. It was...about to be interrupted.

You were leaning over his body hips slapping roughly against his when a knock rang out on the door. Shawn reached impulsively for your hips to keep you moving on top of him.

“Don’t stop. They’ll go away.”

They did not go away. They simply knocked again.

“Goddammit.” He huffed looking over towards the door. “We don’t need any towels! Thank you!”

His voice was raw and it was clearly up a higher octave than he usually spoke, so you couldn’t help but giggle as your hips moved.

“It’s Brian and Connor jackass! Andrew sent us to get you. You’re not answering your phone!”

“You have got to be kidding me.” You sighed.

“Go away! I’ll be there in an hour!”

“...Are you two banging in there?!”

“Brian I am going to kill you! Get out of here!”

“Shit, bro I think they’re actually banging.”

“Can we try and stay focused here?” You whined leaning your hand back on his thigh and giving a gentle rock of your hips.

He leaned up on his arm, the other coming to wrap gingerly around your waist.

“What you just wanna keep going?”

“I’ve had my orgasm already here, I’m simply wanting to reciprocate. It’s up to you.”

His eyes raked over your body once more before looking over hesitantly at the door. Then, before you could even realize what was happening, he was bucking upwards with his hips to get you to lie back on the bed. He immediately fell back between your thighs and settled on a rhythm that must be doing wonderful things for him if the sounds from his lips was anything to go off of.

“You feel so fucking good.” He grunted grinding against you in tight circles. “God I love you so much.”

“Show me.” You hummed teeth grazing his ear. “Show me how much.”

There’s a slight squeak in the bed as it rattles on its posts, and you can’t help but tighten your thighs around his hips in a desperate attempt to stave off this feeling he seems to be able to give you in abundance. His hands on your neck as his lips dominated your mouth. Those fucking hips that could create magic with every snap against the back of your thighs. How could he always make it feel so good? You thought you might never understand it.

“I’m gonna cum.” He whined biting down hard on your lips. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum.”

Your fingers turned to fists in his hair and you moved roughly at your hips to meet every one of his thrusts.

“Cum for me.” You whispered.

He thrust once, twice, three times, and then a fourth final lunge that had your bodies locking together in the most intimate way imaginable. When he filled you infinitely, his breath painting your sweaty neck, you fell in love all over again. He was everything in that moment. Everything.

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @@illloveyouforever1 @justbeingoceana @grittyisathot @hayyitsfayy @claredolphinbear24 @september-lace @grittyathot @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes @liliane106 @trappedinfairytales

#Shawn mendes fic #Shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes #Shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes smut #Shawn mendes x you #Shawn mendes x y/n #Shawn mendes x reader #Shawn mendes angst #Shawn mendes fluff #Shawn mendes series #Shawn mendes one shot #Shawn mendes blurb #neighbors fic #shawn mendes x fem

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louhooo · 5 years

Text

Hello My Old Heart | Chap. 10

Chapter Summary: Why are they called ‘rehearsal dinner’s’ if they don’t serve food until after?

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader [AU]

Warnings:Swearing, ANGSTY-ANGST-ANGST (sorry 😬) maybe some fluff? (not really but maybe if you squint?)

A/N: I’M SORRY THIS IS SO LATE!!! Motivation has been at a zero this week. I’m hoping to get more writing done this weekend, so I may (heavy emphasis) start posting twice a week, but idk yet

All feedback is welcomed! 💘

Why would he say he needed you if he really didn’t?

Had that been what Sharon was talking about when she asked if you had talked with Bucky? Was that a nice way for her to say that he wasn’t single? Was he just looking to hurt you? Did he think empty promises would sway you back to him?

They had.

You spent the night at Nat and Clint’s, tucked into your old bed, pretending that you didn’t exist for the rest of the day. Clint only reminded you why you were so happy to move out.

“Ya know, you’re bein’ kinda dramatic this week.” You glared up at him and chucked the alarm clock at him. He dodged it and hid behind the door. “This is what I’m talking about.”

“Get out, Clint!” You threw a shoe at him – you didn’t miss that time– and he finally seemed to get the message, leaving and shutting the door behind him.

“Bucky wants to know if you want him to come over, since you don’t seem to be answering him. Do–?”

“No!” You weren’t sure you could stand to look at him right now, let alone talk to him. What was there to talk about? How great Dot is? How fabulous of a couple they are? How pathetic you were for thinking he’d still want to be with you after you left him?

No thanks.

When Nat got home, she came in and laid with you, rubbing your back as you laid together in silence. She didn’t ask you what was wrong, but you knew full well that she wanted to know. But as long as she didn’t bring it up, you weren’t going to either.

You knew if you asked her about Dot and Bucky, she’d tell you flat out what was happening, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask. It hurt too much.

Most of your day was spent running around town and getting last minute things done before going with Nat to the church and helping setup for the rehearsal.

“So,” Nat tied a bow on the ribbon at the end of one of the pews, “are we just ignoring yesterday, or are we gonna talk about it?” You sighed and tied another bow.

“Can we talk after the wedding? I don’t want Sharon or Steve to deal with any more of… that. It’s not fair for them.” Nat turned and assessed you, not sure if she should believe you or not. You were notorious for saying you’d talk about something “later” but later never came.

“I’m not lettin’ you leave town until you talk to me. And, I know where you live, so don’t think I won’t drag you back home.”

“Who’s dragin’ who home?” Sam came into the chapel, snapping his gum, dressed in black dress pants and a purple polo.

“Nothing, Sammy,” you walked over to him and took the extra ribbon from his hands and kissed his cheek. “I gotta put her bouquet together.” You walked out and went to the room in the back that would be the dressing room for the bridal party tomorrow. You pulled up a tutorial on making fake flowers with the ribbons and bows from the bridal shower and started piecing them together.

Sam pinched his brows and followed you with his eyes until you were out of sight. He turned back to Nat. “What’s wrong with her?” Nat sighed and shook her head.

“Wish I knew. Think something happened with Bucky.”

“Al-ready? Didn’t they just get back together?”

“I don’t think they ever made that official…” Nat chewed on her lip, “I take it you haven’t talked to him?” Sam shook his head.

“No, haven’t seen him since our run yesterday morning.”

“Jesus, when do you guys sleep? I swear I haven’t seen Clint sleep longer than three hours in the last two years.” Sam chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.

“I slept all day, so I don’t know about the guys.” His ears perked at the sound of others coming into the church. He turned and watched Steve and Bucky come in, each carrying a box.

“Here’re the programs. And some other aisle decorations Sharon wanted.” Nat fought the urge to roll her eyes. Just one more day and Sharon would stop finding last-minute ideas on Pinterest, and Nat would be free from this wedding shit.

“Okay, just set it down. I gotta finish this stuff first.” Steve set down the box his hands, and waited for Bucky to follow. But he didn’t. When Steve turned to look at him, he was looking around the chapel, completely oblivious to the other people in the room.

“Buck.” His eyes snapped to Steve’s and he hummed.

“What?” Steve raised his brows.

“Ya gonna set it down?” Bucky blinked and looked to where Steve was pointing his head.

“Oh. Right.” He set the box down beside Steve’s and fidgeted with his shirt sleeve. He was mad at himself for letting his mom convince him to wear a long sleeve shirt. He might have a t-shirt out in the truck, but he wasn’t sure how well that would go over with Sharon. Or Steve, now that he thought of it.

“Hey, Bucky? Can you get a pencil for me? There’s some in the Sunday School room.” His brows pinched skeptically.

“I’ve got a pen out in the truck if–”

“I want a pencil.” Bucky put his hands up defensively.

“Okay, okay….” He followed the signs in the hallway to the Sunday School room, curiosity filling him when he heard music and quiet singing as he got closer. He leaned his head in first, only to stand straight as he watched you make something out of ribbons and sing, completely oblivious to the audience.

You felt someone standing behind you, and jumped when there actually was.

“Jesus, you scared me.” Your heart was racing, and not just because you were startled. Bucky blinked at you, and you tried your best to keep working and ignore him.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Bucky…–”

“No, don’t ‘Bucky’ me. We texted all night,” he moved to sit in front of you, demanding your attention, “and then twenty minutes before our date, you cancel and don’t tell me why, and you don’t answer any of my texts or calls. What happened in those seven hours that–”

“I’m not talking about this right now. The rehearsal starts soon and–”

“I deserve to know what fucking happened, Y/N!” Blood was rushing in your ears and you weren’t sure if you wanted to scream or cry. Maybe both.

You stood up, turning your music off and grabbing the extra ribbon and bows you didn’t use, “No. If you really wanna talk, we’ll do it after the wedding is done. But right now, we have friends getting married and we aren’t going to keep fucking ruining it for them by making it about us. And don’t talk to me about ‘deserving’ to know what happened. I deserved to know, too.” You stormed out of the room, leaving Bucky only more confused.

“Y/N! What are you–?!” A hand came out and stopped him.

“Don’t start it right now. Sharon’s family’s here and this room isn’t as soundproof as you seem to think.”

“Sam, I gotta–” Sam moved his head until he was in Bucky’s line of sight.

“No… you don’t.” They stared at one another, each trying to silently prove their point. Once Bucky’s fists unclenched, Sam lowered his own defenses, “C’mon. It’s startin’ soon.” Bucky followed Sam back to the chapel, watching as you smiled and laughed with Sharon and Pepper, trying desperately to ignore the brunet consuming your every thought.

After the run-through (which took longer than expected because Sam and Clint wouldn’t stop messing around), it was finally time for dinner. You smoothed out your cornflower blue A-line dress and messed with the fake vines leading up the arch on the side of the restaurant.

“Nat wants to know if we’re gonna have to drag you in?” Clint appeared out of thin air, making you jump.

“Jesus! Will you stop scaring me?” He raised his brows, not sure where the outburst came from. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I-I’m just on edge.”

“Yeah, no, pieced that one together.” You took another breath and followed Clint inside. The sound of people laughing filled your ears. All of Steve and Sharon’s close family and friends were gathered in the small Mexican restaurant, the same one where Steve proposed almost a year ago.

Clint continued walking, and you followed closely behind, your eyes scanning the room for a friendly face.

Of course, Karma made you make eye contact with Rebecca Barnes. You watched her shoot up and beeline her way to you, nearly knocking you over as she hugged you. Neither of you said anything, and it wasn’t until you heard a quiet sniffle did you realize you were both crying.

“Hey, Becca.”

“Hi, Y/N.” You both pulled back, and you wiped her tears with the sleeve of your cardigan. She had cut her hair since you’d seen her last, now styled into a smooth pixie cut that complimented her high cheekbones and sharp jawline. She wasn’t the doe-eyed girl you left.

“I feel old for saying this, but when did you grow up, Bex?” She chuckled and wiped your tears.

“Dad says that, too.” You grinned and both moved to stand against a wall. “I missed you.” You grinned morosely.

“I did, too, Becca.” She looked over her shoulder, then turned back to you.

“I know mom and dad wanna see you…–” You shook your head. You had done a fairly decent job at avoiding them all night, and you would like to keep it that way.

“Your dad maybe, but I know your mom doesn’t want to see me.” Bucky was a Mama’s Boy, so there was no way she wanted to see you after you hurt her son.

“That’s not true! They both want to see you, Y/N!” You gave her a soft pointed look. “C’mon, I’ll show you that–”

“Hey, Y/N, come help me set up the slideshow.” Nat appeared at your side and grinned at Becca. “Hey, Bex, I’m gonna steal her for a bit.” Becca grinned and nodded as Nat pulled you along. You helped Nat with the slide show and quietly found your seat with the rest of the wedding party. Clint draped his arm on the back of your chair and leaned closer to you.

“I don’t wanna tell you what to do, ‘cause I know you know what to do, but can you talk to Bucky, already? If he asks me one more time what’s wrong with you, I’m gonna take my hearing aids out and wear a blindfold so I can’t read his lips.”

“I already told him when I’d talk to him. He can wait.” Clinking of glass rang out and everyone turned their attention to Nat, who stood by the projector screen on the back wall of the room.

“Hi, everyone! On behalf of Steve and Sharon, I just want to thank you all for being here tonight. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Nat, the maid-of-honor, and me and the other bridesmaids decided that since all of the fun, embarrassing things got banned from the wedding, we’d just show them all tonight!” Sharon and Steve both laughed, both of them getting red-faced from embarrassment as the cheesy pop music started to play, displaying baby pictures of both of them.

Halfway through the slideshow you snuck to the bathroom, partially to use it, but mainly so you wouldn’t keep catching Bucky stare at you. You kept your head down as you walked to the bathroom, and as you entered the restroom, you locked eyes with Winnie. She blinked and spun around as the door shut behind you. The sink was still running as she stood there with dripping hands, trying to process that you were actually standing in front of her.

“Y/N?”

“Hi–i, Winnie.” She blinked again and shut off the water and dried her hands. You shifted awkwardly on your feet, not sure what you should do. Once her hands were dried, she looked back at you and took four steps until she was standing in front of you.

She still looked the same as she did, just maybe with a few more grey hairs. Her eyes glistened just as Becca’s had, and you secretly wished she hadn’t given her eyes to her children so that it wouldn’t hurt so much to look at them.

“Are you avoiding us?” She sounded… sad? You blinked and shrugged your shoulders, staring back at your feet.

“Didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

Her hands landed on your shoulders and you looked up at her. “Y/N, we always want to see you. We still love you, sweetheart, that’s never changed. We just thought you were mad at us, too.” You shook your head, a tear sliding down your cheek.

“I’m not mad at you or George, or Becca. I–I–I just…” you took a shaky breath, “I’m not really your family, so–”

“Not really my family? Y/N, you’ve been part of our family since you became friends with the boys.” She wiped your tears and gave you a warm smile, “Honey, you will always be our family. No matter what.” Would she say the same thing to Dot? Had she already?

… Did you really want to know?

“You really won’t let me give you girls a ride, at least? I’d feel better if I did.” You grinned at Steve and shook your head.

“Not happenin’, Rogers. I’m driving the girls’ to Clint and Nat’s all by myself.”

“How many drinks have you had tonight?”

“None. How many have you had, officer?” He narrowed his eyes, not finding your teasing nearly as amusing as you did. “Steve, scout’s honor. You can even ask George and Winnie, I only drank water tonight.”

“Don’t think I won’t. I have their numbers, I’ll–” You saw Sam and Clint walking over and you yelled for them.

“Come get the groom and take him home. He’s doin’ that thing where he acts like he’s in charge and knows everything.” That got you a pinch and a stern look.

Sam and Clint chuckled and nudged for Steve to move. “C’mon, Stevie. The girls gotta go and do… whatever girls do at sleepovers.” Steve sighed and accepted that he wasn’t going to get his way.

“Fine, just let me tell Shar goodnight.” He opened up the passenger door and leaned in to tell his girl goodbye for the tenth time in the last half hour. You rolled your eyes and hugged Sam and Clint goodnight, and told them not to drink too much. No one needed a hungover groom or groomsmen on the altar tomorrow. You got into the driver’s seat and Sharon finally coaxed Steve to shut the door so you could leave.

Nat and Pepper waved to the guys as you drove off towards Nat’s house.

“Steve acts like he isn’t going to see you in ten hours,” Pepper chuckled.

“It’s sweet. He does the same thing when he has an overnight shift at the firehouse. He said it’s because he hates sleeping alone,” she rolled her eyes, but grinned. You chuckled.

“Well, I know Sam likes to cuddle, so maybe they’ll share the bed tonight.” Everyone laughed and you turned left.

“And leave Bucky out? I don’t think so,” Nat cackled out. You laughed, too, choosing to ignore the look Sharon cast your way and continued your drive to the house.

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#Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes x Y/N #Bucky Barnes x You #Bucky x You #Bucky x Y/N #Bucky x Reader #Bucky Barnes AU #Alternate Universe #Fireman!Bucky

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kinkymagnus · 5 years

Note

The Pain In Your Eyes

hey wow this is from FIVE YEARS AGO (exaggeration but is it? really? why don’t i ever do anything) but this is like the “send me a title and i’ll tell you what kind of fic i’d write for it”

ok so

uhh this is like, mostly tangentially related but look, i couldn’t think of anything (hence why i took so long to answer lkghjfgh im sorry) but for some reason i’m really feeling TWI MAGIC REVEAL, BABEY!

(this got….WOO. incredibly long)

so okay! okay! how does alec find out his boyfriend is secretly a 400+ year old warlock with cat eyes and magic powers? there are lots of ways. i’m personally fond of “magnus is still getting used to having his magic back so he’s actually Extremely Not Subtle and alec like. kinda guessed there was something paranormal going on but his magical boyfriend was too nervous to tell him yet so he was patiently waiting and when magnus finally nervously blurts out the truth alec is like “warlock, huh? sweet” and magnus is like????????? im a Monster???? half demon?? i have inhuman powers and eyes that show my monstrous heritage??? i have been keeping this huge secret from you and i didn’t trust you and it’s horrible and awful and life changing and i’m IMMORTAL and im part DEMON and why aren’t you YELLING AT ME? and alec’s like i have an adorable half-demon bf this is hella sweet. your eyes are beautiful and your magic is not subtle babe. im not gonna yell at you for being like, scared of telling me, it’s cool. also about the immortality thing: talked to your clearly magical friend with the horns, and im FOR SURE chugging an immortality potion at our wedding. and magnus is like (happy but shocked) WEDDING? this is like five consecutive bitch slaps for him, except instead of bitch slaps they’re deep and loving kisses.

BUT. this is an angsty prompt, let’s be real. not that that has zero angst potential, but to focus more on pain in eyes…. mmm… >:) so REWIND

magnus has been keeping his magic a secret. possibly even to his own detriment, like he still doesn’t have super great control but he’s like, TIGHTLY lashing that shit down because ALEC CAN’T SEE HE CAN’T HE CAN’T and it’s like. hurting his recovery from being dormant for so long, but as long as it gets him more time with alec :))) he hardly cares :))))

BUT. but but but. ok look im so tempted with “magnus accidentally shows off his cat eyes during sex” but SERIOUS. SERIOUS. ANGSTY. SERIOUS. magnus slips up. not during sex, sorry. he slips up.

oh my god wait i have an idea. a horrible horrible idea

this is so bad i dont even know if i like it but

LET’S TRY IT

oka Y SO magnus has been tightly controlling this shit but he can’t help but slip up sometimes. he can’t help it, okay. it’s mostly minor things. he’s upset and things tremble on the shelves, he’s really happy and the plants literally perk up and he looks kinda like he’s glowing. sometimes things move closer to him when he needs them–usually not super obviously, but alec’s still kind of like wait wasn’t that over there a second ago?

and he’s trying his best but he doesn’t catch everything, doesn’t even always notice because it feels so natural. he sips coffee that should be boiling hot only it’s just right and he isn’t burned. (alec brings him some really fresh coffee and he tries to warn magnus before he picks it up but before he can yell it’s in magnus’s hands and he’s taking a sip and–he’s fine. not burned at all. and he looks at alec with that adorable little confused look, brow furrowed and head slightly tipped to the side, and alec doesn’t know quite what to say because that had definitely been too hot for human consumption earlier…)

and every once in a while alec swears his eyes like. flash, or something? they look… different. it’s hard to explain, magnus always turns around or closes his eyes or SOMETHING but like. just for a second alec swears they looked brilliant gold.

and his fortune telling abilities are like. good. weirdly good. like, he’s never wrong, good. and he knows things he shouldn’t, and he makes weird offhand comments that don’t make sense sometimes before getting flustered and glossing over them, and sometimes he acts like he’s been around for like. a LONG time. IT’S WEIRD.

anyway so it’s just little things. just enough to drive magnus into “slightly eerie” territory. alec’s not like, scared of him or anything, but he’s kind of like. is something……..up?

and alright this next bit is where it gets a bit hazy but i’m thinking for like. whatever reason. maybe alec’s not the only one who’s noticed, maybe some other people have too, maybe jace if we want to pull him here and make him a douchebag (kind of hard, though–not the douche thing, but like, he’s literally not friends with alec in TWI, so… i mean, thank god, but. hard to get him in, then. maybe through clary? idk.) but anYWAY the point is

fucking jonathan gets involved. i wanted to make valentine the crazy preacher but he’s already got a role in TWI and jonathan’s a crazy shitbag in every universe, let’s be real. and jonathan is like THIS SOUNDS LIKE DEMONIC POSSESSION TO ME. THINGS MOVING AROUND? STRANGE EYES? WEIRD PAST? KNOWING THINGS HE SHOULDN’T? NEVER GETS BURNED? SEEMS OLD? CAN DIVINE THE FUTURE? SOUNDS DEMONIC TO ME, BABY.

and alec is like whoa hold on. wait. but jonathan, manipulative fuck that he is, is like. all smooth talkin. like hey, aren’t you worried about your boyfriend? what if he’s hurt? what if this is hurting him and you’re doing nothing to stop it? what if we can save him?

it doesn’t help that magnus has been acting weirdly lately (read: worried alec might be onto him since ALEC’S been acting weird, and psyching himself up to TELL ALEC THE TRUTH) and alec. doesn’t know what to do.

but ultimately he’s convinced when he overhears/sees magnus meeting up with his friend. which is ragnor portalling into his home, horns and all, and them talking in hushed panicked whispers. and alec’s like “oh fuck what a demon is possessing my boyfriend”

he’s heard family legends their ancestors were demon hunters, but unfortunately not much about warlocks and the like so he doesn’t make the connection, he just thinks “oh shit, the legends were true, and i of all people ironically am dating someone being messed with by a demon. well, I’M THE BEST PERSON TO SAVE HIM THEN.”

ok i wanna be clear alec wouldn’t like. take this far and actually hurt magnus, ever. like he’s not about to tie him up and carve symbols into his chest or something. he’s just mundane and worried and unsure what the fuck to do and manipulative evil little bitch jonathan is taking advantage.

and honestly i’m not sure how far to take this either, the image i have is magnus like. tied up in a pentagram and jonathan about to be a crazy bitch and alec being like “oh fuck this this is NOT what i signed up for” bonus if he was worried about magnus being possessed for realsies but then he sees magnus’s cat eyes and they’re like. too. him. they’re full of pain and fear and this kind of resignation and alec is like no that’s no fucking demon, that’s the man i love, or maybe it’s both, maybe he is the demon, but i don’t care because magnus is a demon then i guess demons are good because magnus and evil don’t go together EVER.

but like at the same time, the heartbreak/trust shattering that could cause–alec like, trying to “exorcise” him for being a demon? MMM DON’T LIKE THAT. like i’m not looking for a relationship breaker here, just some juicy angst with a happy ending. and i feel like with a lot of careful planning that might work, but i don’t. really want to right now.

so LIKE. maybe not that far, maybe alec is planning on confronting him and he’s got something dumb like a holy water water pistol (shoutout to ryan bergara, i love you) and salt, but he’s like “idek what i’m gonna do if he ends up being possessed but i sure as hell know i’ll save him if it kills me” but he like. before he can even get the words out. for whatever reason. don’t call me out on not knowing why, maybe he catches magnus by surprise or comes home early, idk. he sees magnus’s eyes. and they’re these gorgeous golden cat eyes. and alec can see the moment magnus realizes alec can see them, his eyes go wide and scared and he looks hurt and a little sick and like he’s already lost something irreplaceable and it hurts that he looks so. there’s so MUCH PAIN IN HIS EYES (aay,, aYYY.,, titteLEE) and also. god his eyes are so pretty. even beginning to tear up they’re so pretty. and alec has so many things he wants to say ranging from i love you and nothing will ever change that to seriously please stop looking heartbroken i need to hug you right now i love you so much to i know what you are–i mean, like, not what as in a thing, but what as in you’re a demon and i know and it’s okay, to wow your eyes are pretty to wow i am dating a demon okay and alec is just like. he just blurts out “holy shit you’re beautiful” and that’s all because with the “reassure magnus he is loved!!!” and “MAGNUS IS HURTING RED ALERT” and “So Your Boyfriend’s A Demon” feelings going on, Gay™ just overrides all the panic

like he’s forgotten about the holy water and the salt he’s just like. oh my god. pretty. sexy. wonderful. and absolutely for-sure magnus and nothing else. so again there’s just that fun thought process of “does this mean my boyfriend IS the demon because that’s not a demon, that’s magnus” to “ok sweet im dating a cute ass demon” to “demons are good now i guess? or at least mine is? that’s neat”

because like, while demons obviously traditionally get a bad rap, there are plenty of fucking books and tv shows and fiction wherein demons are the good guys, or not so bad, or whatever. so to a non-religious mundane with no concept of real demons as according to shadowhunters canon, “good demon” isn’t necessarily impossible or that hard to accept.

magnus will probably not take the misunderstanding of being called a demon that well, but he will be thoroughly mystified by the fact that despite thinking he’s a straight-up full-on demon, alec is not upset or horrified but in fact kind of pleased.

but anyway alec’s like “i’ve figured it out! i’m pretty sure you’re a demon, and that’s why [evidence here], but like, it’s okay! holy water is banned from the house and i know the salt thing is only a particular kind of salt but i swear if it helps, no fucking salt in the house. definitely none of that kind of salt. i originally thought you were possessed but i have burned all exorcism shit and anti demon things i had and i will literally do anything to protect you. should i say oh satan or oh lucifer instead of oh god? that’s fine. just wondering. i will literally give you my soul. i love you” and magnus is like i love you but oh my god oh my god oh my g

(also this doesn’t really fit in but i do have the image of alec squirting magnus with the holy water pistol and it just like. splashes on his face. and magnus is like. [disgruntled blink, nose all scrunched up, Adorable] [gingerly wipes off water] “why” and alec’s like so you’re not a demon, cool. wait, or demons don’t actually react badly to holy water. or you’re hiding it somehow. or my water isn’t holy enough. fuck)

AN ywa YY. magnus has to explain he isn’t a demon (”oh shit fuck i’m sorry shit did i hurt your feelings goddamn it i can’t believe i jumped to conclusions”) he’s half demon (”okay i wasn’t THAT far off and don’t give me that look i’m not judging you i love you very much and this changes nothing”) and uhhhhhh he’s an immortal warlock with magical powers and the cat eyes are his mark and he has magic and he’s 400 years old and he’s been dormant for a very long time and he’s sorry he lied and didn’t tell alec and he really isn’t evil or anything and please say something, alexander.

and alec is just like “okay this is a lot to take in but ten minutes ago i thought you were just straight-up a demon and was cool with it so you really think i wouldn’t be cool with this?”

anyway like. they just fucking… it’s a little anticlimactic. magnus feels like his feet have been swept out from under him, alec’s just okay with it, other than a minor initial freakout, and that’s… it?

of course, there’s still jonathan. you know what, here’s how to get some drama back into it. alec never really like, actually got close with jonny boy or anything, it was just someone he talked to in passing who was like “ur bf is possessed bro. i can…… exorcise him if u like” and he like. knows about the downworld, but believes they’re all evil demons and bad and he’s the true shadowhunter or something? but he’s just crazy and a horrible person? idk. but anyway he like. shows up again. he might try to cause some drama by being like “ur boyfriend sent me >:) to SEND YOU BACK TO HELL” but it doesn’t work, magnus’s heart aches a little at the thought but he knows it’s not true, you know?

but like jonathan tries to hurt him and magnus is like, fumbling with his magic a bit, still slightly off kilter (especially because he’s still been trying to hide it a lot and stifle it and he’s not quite in sync). but alec like, defends him (because he took self defense classes and like, martial arts and shit, even as a mundane he knows how to pack a punch, you know?) and he gets hurt. jonathan goes after him (why are you supporting this monster? this demon? why are you on his side? …maybe you’re possessed too–) and magnus is like. OH NO. YOU FUCKING. DON’T. and fucking WRECKS him. like full magic avatar state bullshit, he’s like “i will fucking BEAT YOUR ASS, leave alec the FUCK ALONE.” and he basically like. idek portals jonathan to the middle of the sahara or across the world or on a remote island that has resources but no way off? idk what he ends up doing, but it like, takes care of him without necessarily killing him

but like. magnus is super powerful, but using that much magic abruptly after years and years of nothing takes its toll and he passes out. alec, slightly bruised up and maybe a little bloodied but ultimately fine, carries him bridal style (!!!!!!!!!!!) and magnus wakes up in bed, warm and safe and comfy with alec by his side, all patched up and also fine, and cat and ragnor and raphael all there like “hey idiot” bc WHY DIDN’T MAGNUS TELL THEM ABOUT HIS WEIRD NEW MUNDANE BOYFRIEND AND ALL THIS DRAMA THAT WAS HAPPENING? OTHER THAN THE MINOR DETAILS? they’ve been talking with alec and like. they have varying opinions but the general consensus is “he seems to be treating magnus good and he clearly loves magnus, and we like that.”

ANYWAY THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEY CUDDLE AND SNUGGLE AND ALEC ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS MAGIC AND MAGNUS IS COMFORTABLE WITH HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME AND USES HIS MAGIC OPENLY AND EVENTUALLY ALEC BECOMES IMMORTAL AND THEY GET MARRIED AND IT’S HAPPY YAY

anywaYYYY this got……super fucking long. but the title thing is ujst basically “alec knows magnus is magnus and not Something Else because there’s like. real emotion in his “demon” eyes and he looks scared and pained and it’s SAD and alec’s like “shit yeah this is him and i love him” and that’s the turning point of the story”

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #twi malec #this world inverted #twi #love how the readmore didn't go in thanks tunglr

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