#everything he does is a cope in a world of fear and brutality

[goongiveusnothing]

Someone called crinkledpapers has replied to your 9 Holes post saying Harry is a Catholic and they don't believe in sodomy, wtf? He went to a Church of England school. Not a Catholic.

harry styles stans are absolutely certifiable honestly.

[carefulfears]

Top 5 Scully moments! 💗

off the top of my head <3 you’re getting 8 sorry

(i left off triangle because we already talked about it today but in my heart it truly is top 3)

1/ clyde bruckman’s final repose

when the hotel scene opens on her sitting criss-cross on the bed with playing cards and you just hear her finish up explaining the plot of moby dick to bruckman and connecting it thematically to hamlet…i can hardly contain myself. she was EXPLAINING THE PLOT OF MOBY DICK to the psychic.

and then after all her talk, her shift is over, and before leaving she leans in close and sighs and asks, “alright. so how do i die?” shh don’t tell mulder she asked ❤️

(and his tender answer: “you don’t.” immortality in reciprocated kindness.)

2/ beyond the sea

giving up the chance to know what her father’s last message to her was, and saying that she already knows what he wanted to tell her.

“he was my father.”

she seemed so disappointed and confused in the beginning, when her mother gave that same response (“he was your father”) to her questions of if he was proud of her. it’s not enough evidence, that someone was a father, to really know the things she was doubting.

but in the end, when she tears up and whispers her answer, it’s clear. it’s not that he was a father, and therefore loved and was proud of his children, because that’s what fathers do. he was her father. and she knows how he felt and what he wanted to tell her because she knows him, and she knows the relationship that they had, and she knows how much he loved her.

it’s that kind of implicit understanding that sets her apart, both from mulder and in the world.

(additionally: bursting into boggs’ cell and screaming at him that if mulder dies she will gas him out of this life herself and no one will stop her. she is 5 feet 2 inches of ferocious love.)

3/ memento mori

her letter. god, i make fun of her for it but god does it say so much. she was dying and she was completely alone and she was in that bed every single day writing, writing to him. begging forgiveness, asking for grace, pleading to be seen.

she knows herself so intimately and so completely, and she knows the world she lives in so fully, and she loves it and she loves him so deeply.

she didn’t even want him to read it, it was enough just that it existed, that it was hers and it was real.

4/ detour + william

singing to mulder in the woods, and then years later singing that same song to their baby. she has memorized everything. every moment is so important, so worth passing along.

(“that’s the other thing you’ve given me, mulder, courage…and i hope that’s a gift i can pass on.”)

5/ irresistible

there’s something so resonant and intimate about her fear in this episode. both her lingering fear in the trauma of bearing witness to this kind of brutalization, but also her fear of vulnerability. the way she does everything right, she does everything that you’re supposed to do: she takes a step back, and goes where she’s more useful. she goes to therapy. she handles it herself, like the good captain’s daughter. like she says, it is her job to deal with these things.

she doesn’t just shut down and avoid it, she’s conscious; she’s trying to cope in the way that she’s comfortable.

and it still just isn’t enough. until that moment she says once more that she is fine, and mulder tips her chin so that she has to look at him. and she just breaks down sobbing the moment she sees his face, grabs onto him and weeps into his chest.

she has “always been the strong one,” she did not want him to know that this case was getting to her, but ultimately, there was no way to survive it without facing it.

(thinking of 23+ years later in a motel, the way she creeps into his room and says the case is really bothering her, ducks under his covers.)

6/ ghouli

when the windmill snowglobe, the one thing that she has from her son’s life, breaks outside the hospital. and the person she bumped into (who turns out to have actually been jackson in disguise) apologizes, and she just smiles sweetly and says, “no, it’s my fault. it’s okay.”

she has no idea how important that moment is, she has no idea that this stranger is secretly her baby, noticing the things she’s holding onto from him…and she’s so understanding and gracious in impossible circumstances anyway.

that’s what gives her (and mulder) that miracle moment in the end of the episode, of getting to see jackson. (that’s immortality in reciprocated kindness)

7/ fight the future

my absolute favorite favorite favorite moment of the movie: mulder and scully make it out of the vent. they’re both collapsed on the ground in antarctica. scully has just been revived after she stopped breathing, she’s passing out…and the spaceship comes out of the ice.

and mulder is looking up at the ship with the most joyful heart-melting grin and wonder, and he says “scully. you gotta see this.” (the exact same thing he said 5 years earlier on their second case)

and she whispers, “i see it.”

it’s so special.

and then, bless his heart, mulder’s recently-shot-in-the-head exhausted ass just fully passes out on the spot.

and she sits herself up and grabs him and pulls him over to her and just holds onto him. they’re alive, and she saw it, and she barely has anything left in her at all but she finds enough for both of them.

honorable mention: “shut up, mulder. i’m playing baseball.” <3 girls when they quietly beg the person they love to invest in something “on this planet” and they understand when that first step is being offered to them, they do not need it explained.

it’s so reminiscent of a moment that almost made this list, when mulder gives her the apollo 11 keychain for her birthday, and they’re interrupted before he can tell her why. and in the end, looking up at the stars, she tells him that she thinks she knows. she tells him that this novelty keychain is about “extraordinary moments” and history leaping forward and how you “must dare to dream” and how far perseverance and teamwork can take you but how “no one gets there alone” and remembering sacrifice and achievement.

and he’s just silently staring at her like…like she’s everything and she’s dying and it’s completely unimaginable. like he knows, in that moment.

she sees so much in him, without explanation.

[brandnewhuman]

I was like scrolling through tiktok, fueling my könig thirst, when I came across an interesting hc

As much as I like to think this man has infinite patience and it takes literally so much to make him snap i think I might be wrong.

IM THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO CORRECT ME SO DONT EVEN TRY IT

I was on the verge of having a stroke with @bloodlst trying to understand how old is könig (which btw didn't end up anywhere cause everytime we thought we had the answer something didn't seemed right. We have come to the agree that he's almost 40 and that cod writers are fucking wankers cause his bio doesn't makes any fucking sense)

König willingly volunteer to get into the army. Now I know it may not be much but in the bio you see in the game it says he felt acceptance only when fighting and that he exceeded at it.

Now I don't think könig is objectively a violent person but as someone who has their fair share of unfair moments in their life i can tell you that feeling powerless and defenseless is a horrible feeling. Anxiety and in general menta illness is debilitating on its own, if you pair that with people treating you like shit and having to always be faced with how weak you really are in others people eyes it does makes you feel angry and crave some sort of loud and brutal coping mechanisms

I think that's how könig feels, he has never been able to let out the anger, he's always been the fragile chubby kid with mental health problems who was easy to push around. He has always felt like he took too much space and didn't deserve to feel bad or show his real feelings cause in the end he always felt it was only his fault if all that shit happened to him.

I can see him being a shy person, always forcing a cheerful and careless facade, choosing to display only a premade happy set to the world so it's not that easy to get to him and his real feelings. I can see him being so full of anger that he has problems keeping it at bay sometimes and snaps randomly at very small things, regretting it immediately, I can see him keeping everything in and letting it out either during missions or when he's alone

Like he really is brutal when he is out there killing the enemy, and he likes it. He likes it and unlike ghost he's not afraid of it, he feels the most happy when he knows people see him and get scared cause they know what's coming for them.

Like I feel ghost does what he does cause he doesn't has anything else left, not because he likes to be a killer, not bc he likes to scare people but bc he genuinely believes he's not good for anything else other than violence. His life is ruined by all the trauma, he will never be able to be happy or have a normal life so why even try to? He gets so worried about being so used to death, he fears getting completely indifferent towards any type of violence or loss, that one day he won't even care about killing his own team or innocent people so that's why he keeps away from everyone. You can't feel bad for anyone or have to care if you don't have someone to look out for

But könig it's like different, he never thinks about the effects all of this will have on him, he just wants to feel like the strong one for once. He likes killing and he likes the fact that he's good at it and even enemies know it. And even after all of this he can't manage to make people respect him outside work, he loses all the "könig" strength and becomes just Dominik, the really tall and nervous guy who can't seem to stand up for himself. Cause as much as he likes to feel stronger than others he wants to be liked too, he wants to be appreciated by someone who isn't his grandma, he wants to feel like the bullies at school were wrong and he is a very likeable person, that he can be loved with all his difficulties and "flaws"

Bloody hell i got angsty with it, BUT YOU ALL KNOW I NEVER LIE SO IM RIGHT, YOU'RE WRONG AND NOW YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT

[buried-in-autumn-leaves]

Heyoooo!! Another question. ('Cause your XOD rants are one of my favorite things.) Thoughts on Nate x Eve x JB & Pran x Eve x Jere, because those also float around?- Dynamics, romance, friendship: Yap to your heart's content!!

I LOVE BOTH OF THESE ACTUALLY OMG

I'm gonna put this one under the cut because it's a lot, but just to avoid confusion, I use she/her pronouns for Pran ! Which you probably know if you read the other posts but just as a general disclaimer 😭

I talk a lot about how Everett and Nate are just such a great dynamic, and I think people underappreciate Everett's part in it. Most of the content I see around them surrounds the idea that Everett is the only person Nate can show genuine emotion around, and while I do really love that, there's also so much to be said about how Nate is the only person Eve can truly trust to tell him the truth. He might be brutally honest, but honesty is something Everett does not hold himself to- It scares him. To have someone hold you so dearly that they want you to be a better person and they will stand by you even when you can't be is so important, it's a state of vulnerability that neither of them has known, living most of their childhoods in SSB.

This is why JB fits into their dynamic so well. She lacks a filter, and she doesn't entertain the fronts that other people put up. She's able to fluster Nate so easily because she gives him what he truly wants- A fight with someone on his level. Everett gets scared to be direct with her because he's used to only Nate doing that- Hence why he tries to backtrack when he asks her out in his confession ending. He THINKS she likes him, but how can he be sure?

SPEAKING OF EVE I AM GONNA START ON THE OTHER TRIO NOW I THINK

I never ever shut up about Pran we know this- Her character is so dear to me and I am forever thinking about the way she is to cope with the world around her.

I think at a basic level it's important to remember that the Jeremy she met as a child was OL:BA Step 2 Jeremy. He is full of anger a rebellion at the same time Pran knows nothing but fear. The Jeremy we see in XOD is one that has turned to apathy because anger did not fix his problem. I read this as them mutually deciding that it doesn't matter what anyone else says, does, or thinks. After all, they have each other now, who cares if they can't make anyone else like them ?

However I also need to stress the fact that neither of them are fully apathetic, despite the fact that others say they are. Jeremy is still angry. He shows emotion when JB flirts with him because she is the only person to be outwardly kind to him outside of his parents and Bae, both of which infantalize him. Pran, on the other hand, is still scared. She has always been neglected, she doesn't know any other way to be. When she and Jeremy go to SSB, she is there because her own family didn't want to take care of her. She feels like a burden, and blames herself for Jeremy's isolation from other people. It's not a secret that Pran is insecure with how intimidating she is. Even something as simple as a mention of her height will have her leaving a conversation without hesitation. This is why she distances herself from him. If she isn't seen with him, he can be normal.

And then, of course, there's Eve.

Eve, who isn't used to feeling actual attachment to people. Eve, who is bright and loud and everything Pran is not. Eve, who seems to genuinely WANT to be around her.

Eve, who treats the only person she has ever cared about like shit.

This isn't a difficult decision for her- She probably assumed Everett would tire of her eventually anyway, as everyone else had. Cutting him off early was just cutting out the middle man, something she is more than willing to do if it means not hurting Jeremy's feelings.

And now Eve is dealing with rejection. Whether or not he knows the reason Pran suddenly wouldn't be around him, Eve is mad. He prides himself on his charisma, people love him, or at least fear him enough to pretend. Someone like Jeremy, who is so similar to him, yet seems to not care about anyone else's opinions on him, upsets him.

This is something really interesting about Everett, he doesn't like people that are like him. He and Jeremy both find comfort in sarcasm. They're both pushovers, even though Eve likes to pretend he isn't. They're both wary around shows of genuine affection. Had the world treated them better, they likely could've gotten along just fine, especially considering Nate, much like Jeremy, was a very angry child.

There is a lot of healing that needs to happen before Eve can fit into the dynamic, either platonically or romantically. I don't often think about Eve and Pran romantically, because I headcanon her as a lesbian, but I DO think about Eve and Jeremy. Part of me does enjoy the hypothetical dysfunctional relationship they would have during highschool, but I also love the slow burn potential of them post-graduation. I think Everett is arguably a good person to help Jeremy become more open due to his stubborn nature. I also think Eve and Pran could be good friends once Pran works through some of her issues. I can see Eve being really teasing towards her, and her pretending she doesn't find it funny. In general I just adore the dynamics and story writing between the three of them and I think about it a lot <3

[soulrevert]

{ * 𝒦o 𝑀oon-𝒴oung      🎀    . . .      a fairytale is a cruel fantasy that illustrates the brutality and violence of this world in a paradoxical manner. it isn't a hallucinogen that gives us hope and dreams. it's a stimulant that makes us face reality.

        ▍    disclaimer:  it's okay to not be okay is a series that tackles mental health issues head on. there are many discussions in canon surrounding s*icide and depression so if that is something you are sensitive to moon-young is probably not the muse for you to interact with. please take care of yourself and avoid if any of these conversations make you uncomfortable or trigger you any way 🫶

𝜗𝜚 DOSSIER.

FULL NAME: ko moon-young NICKNAMES / ALIASES: the witch in the castle, witch of words, rapunzel, cinderella in fifteen-centimeter slippers AGE: 29-35 years old BIRTHPLACE: a small town in gangwon province, south korea GENDER: cis female ( she / her ) SEXUALITY: bisexual SPECIES: human ETHNICITY: south korean BIRTHDAY: june 2rd ZODIAC: gemini sun, aquarius moon, scorpio rising OCCUPATION: children's book author CURRENT RESIDENCE: her family home in gangwon or an apartment in seoul

𝜗𝜚 APPEARANCE.

HAIR: a natural black, it was once incredibly long and fell just below her waist but has since been cut to sit against her shoulders EYES: deep brown and wide doe-eyes, deceptively innocent HEIGHT: 5'7" / 170 cm BODY TYPE: above average height including the heels she usually wears so moon-young is a towering figure. she is fairly thin although not particularly athletic in build. NOTABLE FEATURES: her absurd wardrobe; everything she wears is in-fashion but also completely extravagant, she often wears a blank, lifeless expression as she has difficulty emoting properly in certain situations, a low commanding voice.

𝜗𝜚 HISTORY.

ko moon-young was raised in an isolated manor home in the south korean countryside by two parents who were extremely public figures. her father, ko dae-hwan, was a world-renowned architect, and her mother, do hui-jae, was a famous author. perhaps her mother's most infamous work was her series, "killing the wicked witch of the west." which she died before she could complete. as a young child, moon-young was fragile; living alone surrounded by her loneliness and isolation. as an only child she only had herself to keep her company as her mother began to develop an unhealthy relationship with her. hui-jae saw moon-young as an extension of herself and from the time she was a girl onward raised her in her image. it was a loveless relationship that hinged more on a mother's jealousy towards her daughter than love . hui-jae's behavior only grew more erratic as the years went on until one day, moon-young's mother murders one of the household staff in a fit of rage. the first to come upon the body is moon-young's feather dae-hwan, upon discovering this crime he murdered his wife unable to cope with what he has witnessed. unbeknownst to him, moon-young had witnessed both deaths from the shadows. as weeks passed on, in the wake of these killings moon young's father becomes increasingly more paranoid. he fears that his daughter will end up inheriting his wife’s draw towards violence. the thoughts begin to consume him until one night, when moon-young is asleep, he tries to strangle her to death in her bedroom. moon-young survives the attack but from then on she is effectively an orphan once her father is institutionalized for his behavior. as an adult moon-young has followed in her mother's footsteps, having become a children's book author of great success. her works, while popular, tend to feature morbid imagery and topics such as witches and misunderstood children and animals that are finding different ways to cope with their own loneliness. it's also important to note that at this stage of her life moon-young has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. she has not really faced her diagnosis head-on and often still engages in bad habits such as being reclusive, standoffish, and at times violent. while she does have some semblance of celebrity she rarely makes public appearances and often keeps to herself.

𝜗𝜚 PORTRAYAL NOTES ( TLDR )

as i said above, moon-young is a character that struggles with aspd. i'm not someone who has this disorder myself but i always want to be respectful in portraying muses that are neurodivergent. i will be reading and educating myself on aspd but if i seem out of line in anyway please let me know and i won't take offense! 

while moon-young is a muse that isn't set in a fantasy setting she writes books that are proper fairytales. there will be a lot of references to fables and folklore in my writing just because that is a cornerstone of moon-young's interests and also a way she is able to understand the world around her. 

moon-young is a muse that can act irrationally and volatile at times. i will never cross certain boundaries with my partners but i also don't plan on toning down this aspect of her character as it is a large part of her development. 

speaking of fantasy, i do have a fantasy verse for moon-young that features her as some sort of vampire / blood-crafter.  she grows up in what can easily be described as a victorian mansion in the middle of the woods and has enough rumors surrounding her true identity for this mystical aspect of her character to not change much of her canon arc.

[thediktatortot]

Little Steve ficlet i wanted to just write out. I understand that you can't dive into the emotions of all the characters in one show, but I really wish there was just a little more visual nuance when writing characters after tragety happens.

Warning for suicidal thoughts, unhealthy coping mechanism.

------

It's over, Eleven says, her tone and expression so matter of fact that Steve can't feel any atom in his body doubt what she says.

It's all finally over and Steve Harrington can finally breath, he can finally go home and begin to put his life back together and start thinking about the future and what he wants to do with it because no more monsters are coming around to try and sometimes excede at killing the people around him.

Except, when Steve does finally get home, takes the shoes off his sore feet that have been carrying him all night on legs that burn with overuse connected to a torso that's seen better days attached to a pair of arms that can't lift up passed his waist and a head so full of the sounds of monsters screeching, children screaming for their lives and the flashes of oily muck and dark red blood, that it takes everything in Steve's body just to keep him standing.

Forget breathing, Steve thinks to himself as he makes a puddle out of himself in the front entrance of his house, the echoed sound of his own chopped and harsh breathing the only thing greeting him as he lays on the cold tile floor.

They like the cold, Steve remembers, a viceral feeling of fear washing over him from head to toe is enough to get him to push himself up off the tile and onto his hands and knees.

It's over, he thinks to himself, it's over and all Steve has left to do is to pick himself back up and move on with his life.

But there's a joke in there right? Steve Harrington gets to move on, gets to keep on trucking while the list of names on Hawkins Post Memorial section grows with every passing day. Steve Harrington gets to live and die knowing that there was nothing he could do to save anyone who died, knowing none of those people had easy deaths and were confused and alone while Steve Harrington gets to come home and sleep in his own bed and live to see another day.

It's taking everything in Steve's power to just breath right now, dark spots in his blurred vision while he fights against the vice grip against his lungs in his ribcage. It hurts. It hurts so bad and there's nothing he can do to change anything that's happened.

He can't get them back. He can't tell them it will be okay and that it wasn't their fault or that they should appreciate every day because today might actually be their last.

He can't go back to tell Barb just to stay inside, or that maybe he could walk her to her car to make sure she got home safe, or tell Nancy she should take her friend home.

He can't go back and tell Billy that things would get better once he got out on his own, that maybe they can be friends instead of posturing to one another in some weird dick measuring contest that Steve is pretty sure was Billy compensating for something he was lacking in his own life. Maybe he could have saved Billy from the tragic end he had endured if only he had let his own pride go and just talked to him.

He can't go back and save Eddie, tell him Chrissy's death wasn't his fault and that he should stick around because Dustin looked at him like he was the coolest thing since sliced bread and how if he gives up now the world wont get to experience his guitar skills and wicked humor. Maybe if he would have stayed with Dustin and sent Eddie with the girls he might still be alive and Dustin might not be more silent then he's ever seen him.

He can't save anyone and he can't save the lost opportunities and moments he might have had if he would have just made better choices and he'll have to live the rest of his life knowing the truth.

Life is brutal. It does not hold it's punches.

-----

Steve had awoken on the entrance floor of his home after he passed out from his panic attack, the panic and fear that he had felt when he had first gotten home completely absent in the face of pure numbness that overtook him the moment the morning sun met his tired eyes.

It comes in waves, the emotions, rising with the suns settings and welling up so loud that only the blaring of the TV playing movies can drown out.

Sleeping means being alone with your thoughts so he just doesn't, waiting for his body to take it from him instead. The sleep deprivation doesn't last long, can't keep it up and still function in any meaningful way seeing as Robin pulled him into helping out volenteer.

He hates it, being around people so full of hope and ignorance, putting a smile on his face when all he wants to do is cry. It's like sandpaper on his patience, with every 'It only gets better from here' and 'God has a plan for us all', Steve wants to throw everything he's doing on the ground and curse every single one of them.

How can they be so happy? Why does HE have to be the one to know what happened, to know what really happened? Why does everyone else get to move on and forget the people who died when he has to live with their faces in his mind for the rest of his life?

He stops volenteering. He can't do it anymore, a whole month of well wishes and promises for a better future and he just can't stand it anymore.

His parents are home again at least, their business trip before spring break having gotten lengthened due to the earthquakes and the town lockdown, but their home. Steve wants to tell them, to open up about what happened but he knows he can't, makes up watered down events to at least let them know he...experienced things. He can't fake the pauses he takes, the harsh breaths he has when a memory overtakes him or the tears that well up in his eyes as he thinks about all the people who should still be here.

They care in their own ways which helps just a little, Steve's father reaching out to him through sports numbers and requests to help him clear out his office. He hasn't asked yet why he's clearing his office, but he thinks they might be thinking about moving, especially with everything that's happened in Hawkins over the last few years.

Steve's mother takes him with her everywhere, the grocery, to the post office, to pick up supplies from the hardwear store, to talk with the neighbors a street down. He has to take a walk when one of those neighbors ends up being the Cunningham's neighbors, unable to hear the coverup version of events through a mouth who'd only known what happened after it was on the news.

It takes everything in him to leave the house, to get out of bed or off the couch and get out into the sun of early summer in Hawkins. If Steve's mother is irritated by it, she never lets it show, giving Steve a rare show of patience for his moods.

His wounds still bother him, somehow never having gotten infected like he had expected them too, but he assumed it must have been the near compulsive need to clean himself off and clean his wounds that helped prevent it during those first few days. The wounds itched, a constant nagging at his stomach, shoulders and back like itches he just couldn't scratch, adding to his already bright and sunny mood.

Steve was lonely.

After summer set in to its fullest, Steve noticed just how little anyone came to see him, their own lives busy with picking up the pieces and figuring out how to make a new puzzle that still made sense even with pieces missing. Robin called him almost every day which helped just a little, knowing he wasn't forgotten keeping him getting out of bed in the morning like he had something to look forward too still.

But still...it wasn't enough.

Steve was lonely in a way that his parents being around, midnight phonecalls and hugs from tweens couldn't fix, a deep sinking need of intimacy and closeness that had eluded him all his life and that gaping void was only made wider by all the digging the Upside Down did on his life's priorities.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to save himself or ask to be saved and the energy it would take to explain all the little details that clawed into his mind at night and kept his mind spiraling and his breath halting just didn't feel worth it. Everyone has problems, especially everyone in Hawkins and Steve was not a man to burden others if he knew there was nothing they could do to fix it.

Maybe things would get better some day, he would tell himself, willing his mind to think of better and happier things like he was trying to coax a dog out from hiding with a bone. Sometimes the neediest of dogs still stay at a distance, pain and terror etching itself into their minds to the point of no return.

Maybe he would die tomorrow, drown in his own tears or pass out from hyperventilation but maybe his body wouldn't keep breathing like it usually does when he passes out. Maybe he'd get hit by a car as he drives his mother to the grocery store, hoping they hit his side instead of hers. Maybe his mom would finally leave his father if Steve was the only one left holding her back. Maybe his father would go find a woman who met his desires and keep her for once.

Maybe he'd trip and fall down the stairs, or step into the road at the wrong time, or choke on something, or maybe he'd just do it himself and take himself out of his own misery so the thoughts can finally stop.

Movie nights with Robin are bandaids.

Dinners with the Hendersons are little slices of too sweet hours stippled through his weeks that leave a fake sugary feeling in his mouth that comes with whipped sugar donuts, never as creamy or satisfying as cream donuts.

It's hard to shower.

Showers make him think of Billy, showers make him think of water and lakes and sometimes it's just so hard to take his clothes off and put them back on again that he skips the full routine and washes his face before going to bed instead. He used to be good at brushing his teeth, but now he usually doesn't remember until he's disgusted with himself and furiously destroying his gums at two in the morning because if he doesn't brush his teeth right then and there, they'd fall out and he'd finally look like the slob he feels like.

It's hard to eat.

It's a chore to make food, anything that doesn't come pre-prepared or easy to make in a few minutes is out of his skills right now. Coffee is easier. It tastes good, it's constant, it helps him keep awake and if he drinks enough of it, he barely notices the hunger until later in the afternoon. The shakes and nausea are horrible though, sometimes horrible enough to get him to sit on the kitchen floor in front of his fridge picking at anything in grabbing distance he can stick right into his mouth.

It's hard to look at his friends or his family.

He can see they see him, he knows what they see, can feel the thoughts of pity and wishes to make him feel better when they can't and it kills him inside. He hates knowing how he looks because he should just be able to do the things he needs to do and if no amount of external judgement can help, then what will?

It's hard to be sober now.

At first the alcohol helped him fall asleep, kept him just tipsy enough to make pushing the darker thoughts to the side easy enough to function, but soon it stopped working. He drank more, but the hangovers and the shakes he started to get were enough to push him to other things, having to drive all the way to a town over to get weed since...since Hawkins dealer was out of the picture now.

That helped for a while, the haze taking away the fear and thoughts long enough for him to fall asleep at night and get real rest, but it never lasted long. His tollerence was too high now, a single joint not enough to get him dazed anymore and it was eating through his savings every week.

It's hard now to exist.

The drugs aren't working and there's nothing he can do to put the breaks on his life and make it stop for just one fucking second so he can breath, and it's just so hard to breath. It hurts to breath, it hurts to wake up, it hurts to talk it hurts it hurts everything hurts.

He wears socks in the house now, both because he's always cold and he figures if he slips on the hardwood stairs at least it would be an accident. He eats without a care, knowing aspiration is by far the least good looking way to die but it's unforgiving at least. He drives a little too close to the center line, hoping someone with a little too much confidence or too little experience just happens to cross into his lane and takes him out of his misery.

[sparkly-sediment]

Clay Puppington has a dumpington

If this is brought up at a job interview years later I will have to brace myself and hold accountability for this horrendous shit like a real woman.

For now, literature forgoing the scriptures

ahh omg tw everything wrong with clay

We already know he says slurs

Horribly misogynistic, ignorant, and the root of it all isn’t a genuine incompetence. This is no mere 1950’s self destructive alcohol; he’s self aware

Only breeds more hatred of himself, which festers and seeps into everyone. Clay copes by inflicting what he thinks he deserves on others

Average continuation of generational trauma cycle but this round has a gay boy name clay and hoo boy does he not like that

Obviously married to Bloberta, obviously didn’t marry out of love or anything. He had an idea of what a marriage was, but 50’s knowledge of empathetic humanity + fear of judgement and god+ spiraling alcoholism+ Bloberta doesn’t make for a perfect union!

Within it all he knew he was discontent with his marriage for reasons outside of it being really shitty. The good ol repression had made his feelings towards others unrecognizable

Can’t tell if it’s platonic or romantic? Befriend the men and sexually resent the women!

Tried to compensate his attraction to men with objectification of women. Men are equals to him. But women are these disgusting creatures that bind to him and glue him into a life with kids he doesn’t know how to love or raise and to the role of a husband he doesn’t want to be

If Clay was alone, though, then the world would see him for the weak man he is. The world would know he was unlovable and he wasn’t worth it

Obvi has the thing with Daniel but refuses to really commit because 1( m/m in moralton statesota?? bffr and 2( he committed to his wife and now he fucking hates his life

LETS BE REAL DANIEL GROOMED TF OUTTA CLAY

Like ok, he is obsessed with Clay. There is a difference between obsession and getting a broken man drunk before sliding your hand in his pants

The reason Clay and Daniel are a thing is the lack of options and Daniel being manipulative. And while being a more satisfying option to Clay, Daniel still provides the unhealthy relationship energy Clay is used to. It may be a man, but the toxicity is familiar and seemingly normal. Clay feels safe with the tension even if he hurts from it

Alcoholism runs in his family. He didn’t drink until meeting Bloberta because he saw how his father did with it. But if it was a fun and normal thing that a woman liked him for?

Got married, got addicted 😜 who needs to address their raging unwell when that scotch burns so good

Self harm type things occasionally. He knows he’ll have a horrific hangover, but he deserves it. He doesn’t get to be “happy” (drunk) without consequences

Headcanon he had really bad explosive fiery shits after nature. Spurting diarrhea. He drank isopropyl alcohol and lived, his asshole was melting ok. He wheeled Orel inside the house and left him at the entryway for Bloberta to get bc he had to shit

“Foul smells attract the devil” no wonder Daniel was into him bc goddamn

Shapey and Blockey (doe ass names btw feel so ridiculous typing that) (because I am) crying in the storage room from the smell. Can’t even see the vacuum through the green fog

More that could be written but kittens do need their rest. Will be back for him soon, may write brutalized angst one day

Takes a special type of shitbag to wear a robe like that. Not to mention the crimes and abuse. Poopy baby, peace ✌🏻

[sorrowschengmei]

i think Xue Yang speaks volumes to people who have been brutalised during childhood. making a parallel with Kylo, my other kin.

Kylo had a tough childhood but his trauma was mostly emotional. absent parents, creepy ass mentor figure, being too skilled near his peers and then being isolated, high family pressure etc

that is in itself a huge af source of trauma!! i'm not comparing which trauma is the worse. i'm comparing sources. Xue Yang well, we know he suffered a brutal mutilation motivated by his social class. this is what we KNOW. everyone sees how he acts, kinda puts 1+1 together and conclude the finger was just ONE of his physical [or even sexual] traumas. this is a person who met the power of humankind's fists before meeting the power of its words.

so with Kylo we get a character that represses his emotions [fails ofc], has a lot of pent-up anger that explodes from time to time, avoids people, spirals, self blames. for him, feeling what he feels is wrong. he feels he's damaged beyond repair. his emotions were denied.

with Xue Yang we get a character that lives in a constant adrenaline high, looking for potentially physically [and sexually] dangerous situations to put himself in, that is always ready to be attacked. he was taught existing as a working class person is wrong. he feels the world is damaged beyond repair. his physical existence was denied.

he can't even form the thought in his head that his feelings are wrong or right. for him, just one thing matters and it's THEY are dying, not HIM. if they're dead and he's alive, everything is fine. if they're alive and he died, well, it's not like he can care anymore.

and we need to watch this character since the first time he's introduced just disregard his own physicality, his own humanity in all the ways he can. to flirt with people that want to kill him, to literally say word by word he doesn't fear death, only boredom, to constantly repeat in a mocking [but we know that is true to him] tone that he's a delinquent, a low level cultivator etc.

Kylo copes by trying to hide his trauma. Xue Yang copes by rubbing his trauma on everyone's faces. it's the 'withdraw socially x overshare' thing. the 'i dont want to die, i want the pain to end' x 'yippity yuppity i want to commit scooter ankle'.

and you see, for people who have been brutalised in childhood everything Xue Yang does is PAINFULLY real. you see the funny queer looking unhinged yasss, i see someone so ready to die he doesn't care what's going to happen to him anymore. he'll never commit suicide, bc for this to happen you need to think and reach the conclusion 'i want to end my life'. but his body is so hurt in such a core level that it ceased to fight for self preservation. he will think consciously that he doesn't want to die, but the memories stored in his body are so painful he unconsciously tries to find ways to put an end to the suffering.

and we need to watch this very young man who's clearly DESPERATE for help destroying his fucking life, not even realising what he's doing. i think this is what hurts the most. Kylo is VERY aware of all his bad ideas, and it pains him. Xue Yang is stuck in a trauma thinking pattern so intense that he can't even realise what he's doing is going to be his death.

he can't see a world that isn't this dog eat dog, one finger for a finger, kill them before they kill you mess. his suffering is completely despairing bc he has NO IDEA of what's going on, it just HURTS and he just SCREAMS and gets TRIGGERED and reacts in absolutely primal ways. Kylo knows what he needs to do to end his pain, but he doesn't have the strength to do it. Xue Yang has absolutely NO idea of why it hurts so much, he feels like a newborn who's hungry for the first time: everything is SCARY and OVERWHELMING and CONFUSING.

and what happens then? we need to watch everyone accuse him of murder. to see only the murder. Xue Yang = murder, for 99% of the cast. kill Xue Yang, avenge the murders. simple like that. take the pouch away from him, disable his arm, stab him, he falls down, bleeds to death. end of the trouble. when he's been crying for HELP since the very beginning of the arc, even before the flashbacks.

we need to watch the world, one more time, deny Xue Yang his phisical existence, and see nothing else but a 'delinquent', 'disgusting', 'low level cultivator'. 

hell, i think this is what hurts the most. we can just watch. watch ourselves, the brutalised in childhood, cry for help and be seen as nothing more than a threat. to watch our own hypervigilant with trust issues asses ruining every relationship we have, bc the only thing the world taught us was to kill or to be killed. they could've given Xue Yang a second chance. they find him very vulnerable, exposing himself, LITERALLY WITH ALL LETTERS ASKING FOR HELP.

he spent EIGHT YEARS there, resentful. everything was in his past by then- Yao, the night hunts, Nie Mingjue. it was just him, his heartbreak, Yi Town and the pouch.

its like that meme... 'everyone asks WHERE is Xue Yang, nobody asks HOW is Xue Yang' and then they kill him. leave him unburied. the enemy is defeated! clap, clap, clap. moving on. the heroes are busy. they need to commit more justified murders, unlike Xue Yang's unjustified murders aight.

tlrdr

[unfortunate-songbird]

WHY LEO DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF WHAT HE WENT THROUGH: an essay by me

movie spoilers :)

ok so at the beginning of the movie he’s shown screwing around when he should be training, yeah?

okay, yes, arguably irresponsible, but considering it’s been 2 years since shredder and there’s no mention of any other formidable foes besides your typical Large Pig, Married Couple, and Bug Man, it’s understandable that he’s pretty lax about everything. Dont get me wrong, I totally get Ralph’s side! He’s constantly worried about a new threat appearing when they least expect it, plus even their regular missions can be life threatening if they aren’t careful

but dude Leo’s just goofing off and having a funky time, he doesn’t deserve the Epic Emotional Beatdown he gets in the movie

“Oh, but he’s just in general egotistical and braggy”

yeah. he’s 16. Donnie has probably broken the Geneva convention at least twice man idk. He’s a dumbass turtle doing dumbass things.

Then we get to the argument. What really gets me here is that Leo is visibly listening and taking what Raph says to heart- until the moment it gets too dark for him. Saw this pointed out somewhere else, but man really does use humor to cope. of course, in doing so he brushed off Ralph’s very real and important concerns, frustrating him

the fight over the key? Yeah, not his best work.

in his defense tho, if he actually knew the severity of the situation, he’s proven before that he can be completely serious (even while keeping his jokey persona) when things get more drastic. I truly believe after they meet Casey, things stop being about straight overconfidence. Leo goes into the fight jokey, but it’s been proven many times that he will often quip while putting his all into his battles, so that’s not the best judge of how seriously he’s actually taking it. he doesn’t insist everyone stays behind to get the key. he goes out himself, taking the risk because Casey is desperate to get it for really good reasons! I think his actions there- while somewhat reckless- would’ve been seen in a positive manner in most other movies. He’s taking the risk to grab the literal World-Destroying object.

then Raph gets taken

Leo has a panic attack, and he’s more visibly distraught than we’ve ever seen him, to the point where he gets actually, genuinely, dangerously angry for the first time in the entire franchise. He’s probably blaming himself for getting Raph caught.

His stubbornness next isn’t because he’s overconfident. He’s just so focused on getting Raph back, no matter what. He HAS to get his big brother back. Leo doesn’t consider waiting to plan, or retreating, not when it would feel like giving up on his brother. He’s blindly consumed by his fear and desperation. He makes a lot of bad decisions because of it, don’t get me wrong! They were Bad Decisions! But I really think they weren’t about ego, not really.

I’m glad he learned a lot of valuable lessons but I’m also worried about the like

MASS amount of trauma he has now. Like, that’s some Heavy stuff. The trade off of character development vs whatever all this new trauma and greatly worsened self-sacrificial tendencies (bc they already existed in the show and are probably going to get concerningly worse) might not be the best. worried about that guy

anyway I really want to see what they do there because that was a roller coaster and the long term effects could be really interesting to watch

Also does anyone else see a lot of parallels between Leo and c!Tommy from the dream smp or is that just me? Like:

-cocky/confident persona to cope and also bc it’s funny

-self worth issues lmao

-the amount of character development needed could’ve easily happened with like,, some minor trauma but no they get the whole sha bang

-ping pongs between overconfident and low self esteem and also “nothing is ever my fault” vs “everything is my fault”

-16 y/old brutally beaten by an unbeatable foe in an inescapable prison only to eventually get out alive despite all odds

This post is kind of a mess lmao

[eyecicles]

Thoughts on: Light Yagami and Shame Culture

Oh, I definitely think Light would be a completely different person without Shame Culture. He himself isn't ashamed of much he does, but the Light we see perfectly adapted to incredibly high standards society places on people. He knows which parts of himself he has to hide.

Shame and honour are central to his and Soichiro's relationship especially. He has absorbed his father strict beliefs completely and then takes it one huge step further, which becomes the monstrosity that is Kira.

Light is so used to appear as flawless, that even him looking at erotic magazines is something Soichiro thought would be "the last thing" he would do.

But to Light, this soiling of his image are all means to an end. He wants to create a world where Kira is not only accepted but necessary. Not once does he associate himself with the people his father puts behind bars - no, instead he's the only one who can annihilate them completely.

No one would cope well with killing someone without meaning to, but Light's actions after testing the Death Note are still far from ordinary. Rather than trying to accept his mistake, he doubles down, sacrifices himself (because that's how he views the fact he's become murderer) and underlines the validity of the system his father works with bold strokes. The system isn't wrong; it's not absolute enough.

"People who harm society should die" isn't an idea Kira came up with, after all; Light grew up in a country that still has the death penalty, and I'd say it's a thought most people have, even when they're generally against the death penalty. That's part of the reason Light completely believes Soichiro when he says he'll kill him and then himself during the fake execution. Not even the narrative needs to explain why his son being Kira would be a dreadful stain on Soichiro's honour.

And all this makes Light's final moments with his father so brilliant:

Despite everything he did to make himself look innocent, Soichiro still had his doubts. And despite for what Light worked above all, Soichiro still completely rejects Kira and ideals. His biggest fear was, until the very end, that his son could be Kira.

That's brutal! And the scene never would have worked so well if Light wasn't also a product of his culture.

[nincompoopydoo]

DEBRIS AND MISERY

DOUBT MAKES THE STRONG WEAK ; PART 8 / ?

PAIRING: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader WORD COUNT: 3.5k SUMMARY: From concussions to destruction, you find yourself developing an odd trust in the last two people you would even begin to have faith in and when the apocalypse seems unavoidable, you discover that there may be more to the mystery of the universe. A/N: Well, this chapter is long. And mainly pertains around the theme of 'doubt'. A lot more of Sylvie stuff and Loki just having heart eyes the whole time. I love this chapter and I can’t wait to write more as the story ends. Please tell me what you love, hate, anything (maybe theories lol). Thank you for showing so much love. gif from this gifset by @kamalaskhans WARNINGS: Swearing. Apocalypse. Injuries. Blood. support my writing through ko-fi💖 MASTERPOST ; MASTERLIST

You were once a fighter.

Hunter E-87 was the name you once knew, hollered through different fields and dimensions in time and space. You fought for what you thought was right, pledging allegiance to a cosmic establishment that held all power to a single timeline and never questioned the works of the Time-Keepers. The Sacred Timeline is indeed sacrosanct, too important, too valuable to interfere. You fight in the name of the single thread of time, the bark of a tree, forbidden to bare branches of a potential multiverse. You fight because the thought of alternate timelines used to scare you. Yet, if alternate universes were meant to be, the lives you took and destroyed are now in the grasp of your bloody hands. You hold the responsibility of the death of the innocent, taking part in mass genocide.

But promises must be kept.

The thought constantly haunts you in your sleep. You have dreams of death, war, destruction, and famine from across the universe. People seem to glide like specters in the world built by your imagination and mind. You have seen a lot, more than any being in the universe should, but no one talks about the aftermath of witnessing the tragedy of the universe as time goes on and on. No one talks about what it does to the mind. Music from cassettes and the wonder of human space exploration were distractions to cope with the grinding hole in you and the fact you might be turning truly crazy.

Sometimes, you would like to be human—Fewer problems and less time to live.

You blame the sickening and bizarre vivid images that come and go whenever you close your eyes as a symptom of being a hunter. The others are stronger than you. Well, they act like they are. Becoming an analyst made you sleep better but there was always doubt. Sakaar made you doubt.

Doubt makes the strong weak. Doubt makes you weak.

“You startin’ to have doubts?”

Green eyes. They watch you with curiosity with a hint of amusement. You hear yourself hum. “Would it be bad if I said yes?”

He laughs. It’s mighty. “Yeah. Definitely bad.”

A beat of silence. You feel your eyes start to sting. “I couldn’t even tell my mom.” A laugh escapes your lips despite the hurt you feel in your chest. “Did you tell anyone? Your wife?”

You see him now, blonde hair slicked back and deep-set eyes. He shakes his head. “Nope. Not even my wife.”

“She’ll be proud, you know.”

“I know...So will your mom. Jesus, you’re gonna be the first woman on—”

Wake up.

“—Is she dead?”

The voice is familiar. It pulls you back to reality but right now, your eyes are too heavy. Doubt is the first emotion that waves through your brain before the process of pain can even occur—uncertain if you are dead or alive.

You can’t feel your limbs, they are too weak.

Doubt makes the strong weak. Doubt makes you weak.

Maybe, you are dead.

“This is your fault! You’re the one who swung that sword of yours to her head! You’re careless—”

Sword...Sword...Careless? You remember a train, a fight.

“Oh, I’m the one who’s careless? You’re the one who’s drunk!”

Drunk...Who was drunk?

Then, your voice echoes in your head, images of a certain brunette with a deep frown. He called you a mewling quim. You quoted Hávamál. You then left him and wandered through the other cabins of the train. He blew his cover. He got you into a fight.

Loki. Loki Laufeyson.

Son of a bitch.

Your eyes are wide open now. All you see are the faces of Loki and Sylvie, looming over you. Just two floating heads. Then, the pain arrives, coursing through the entire back of your head. You wince in immediate reaction and the floating heads turn to you in an instant.

What a way to wake up from a concussion.

You remember everything now, but you certainly don’t recall being on the outside of the train. Must have gotten thrown out. The thought angers you, irritation practically boiling to the brim. Yet, it’s your fault. You hadn't thought to babysit the very person you wish were dead. As your palm grips onto the dirt beneath, muscling all strength left to lift yourself. Your head feels light and heavy all at once. Not good.

“Are you alright?” is the question that flies from Loki’s lips, tinged with an emotion you never knew he had for another but himself—worry. Whether selfless or selfish, you wish to ignore the complexity of Loki’s reactions and possible change in character, especially towards you. Ever since you stepped foot on Lamentis, all you felt was pain. You have never been injured so much within the last few hours than in your entire life and weirdly, you feel fine.

Sylvie is quick to stand, watching the two of you work in tandem. His grip finds the curve of your shoulders as you stick your hand out to grip him by the bicep. At your touch, you notice how his arm stiffens ever so slightly. You don’t say anything.

Some things about Loki are best left unknown and unanswered.

Today is filled with a lot of getting off the ground in the most unceremonious way possible.

A deep exhale leaves your lips, wisps of your hair drifting with the brutal breeze from your nostrils. Beads of sweat trail along the curve of your forehead and the back of your neck. Some entangled with the strands of your hair. Your hands feel clammy and dirty but you run them to push your hair back and away from your face anyway.

“I’m fine,” you mumble, pulling yourself away from his touch.

You finally get a good look at the two. Loki looks like complete shit but Sylvie manages to maintain the regalness to the locks of her hair despite her opposing overall behavior. It’s the Asgardian blood coursing through her veins. You cannot hide your ancestors' blood. It’s hard to believe the two are the same—one being. Yet, it's believable when you’re angry at the two of them.

The two messed up your career, that’s why.

Unbothered and uncivilized. It’s a miracle you’re still alive.

As your eyes shift along the train tracks that meander along a gorge with steep rocky walls that leer above it, you catch sight of a spark by your feet, glinting under the iridescent sky.

It’s the TemPad, shattered into pieces; you recognize the color gold of its border.

Your eyes grow wide, mouth agape. You don’t even feel angry anymore, it’s more than that. You stick out your hand to gesture towards the destroyed device, “Is that—Is that the TemPad?” you ask as your other hand lifts to hold the side of your head. “Or am I just seeing things from the concussion?”

Sylvie is the one to speak. “It’s not the concussion.”

You suddenly feel like you’re burning.

If it were possible, you could have instantly killed him with a look.

“You. You killed us!” you step closer to him and for a moment, Loki doesn’t exactly know what to do. “So, it’s my fault then? You were the one who left me alone in the lounge.” are the words that leave his lips. Completely useless. Trying to diffuse the tension is the exact opposite of what he does.

His silver tongue isn’t so shiny and silver anymore.

You don’t pull your blow this time. Your palm strikes his cheek, rocking his head to the side. Your hand is oddly soft. Loki winces and you stand your ground. “You’re a jerk and an asshole. You’ve probably been called that for all your life and yet, here you are. Still, the most insensitive and pathetic man I’ve ever met,” you articulate your words with frustration and rage. You don’t raise your voice like before, it’s low and frightfully intimidating. “And I’m not your babysitter.”

—

Battles, ruination, and fracas gave a sense of familiarity to Sylvie in a time of an impending apocalypse. When worlds end, benevolence is resolute. The tragedy of the end of lost souls—afraid to die. But as daunting as the apocalypse is, the beauty of their souls finally returning to the universe protrudes amongst the debris and misery.

She sees herself in the two of you, as much as she doesn’t identify as a Loki anymore, and her hatred towards the TVA. You have a temper and he doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.

You’re mysterious in an almost enchanting way and possibly significant as you seemed to be at first glance. Sylvie is highly curious about you.

You don’t stray too far from the group, only to find rest by the edge of a pit made by a crashing meteor. You sit with your back turned against the very two beings you distrust as you watch the border where the bustling city of Shuroo is based. Your guard is down and you don’t care at this point. Everyone is about to die anyway.

Sylvie’s gaze finds Loki who seems to be only watching the back of your still figure, eyes glinting with an emotion unknown to her. Possibly regret? Sylvie doesn’t know what regret looks like. But fear and anger, she feels it radiating from you. She knows it. Something tells her you’re not solely angry at her and Loki.

She finds herself drifting closer to you. You don’t move. She cautiously settles beside you. “You’re not hiding a knife somewhere, aren’t you?”

You merely scoff, caressing your head, “You’re the one to say.”

Sylvie blinks. Fair enough.

Silence. Sylvie’s eyes shift to the handkerchief tied around your arm, stained with blood. “How’s the arm?”

You hum. “Surprisingly, fine.”

Oh, Sylvie knows it’s fine. She knows what Loki did. She decides not to mention the scratch she made across your cheek.

“Did the slap make you feel better?”

The question is hinted at near sarcasm, but genuinely, she wants to know.

“Yes, it did. You should try it sometime.”

She simply hums. “I would have but you beat me to it.”

A turn of your lips as they curve into a small smile. Sylvie watches with an odd sense of satisfaction. “You know, I’m still mad at you. For what you did to me.” Your words are slow. You find yourself swallowing. “But it’s nothing compared to what the TVA did to you.”

Empathy. Is this what empathy feels like? The moment when someone finally understands what it’s like to be alone for so long. Your lives are different but they reflect in certain ways. You have had your fair share of living in constant fear and constantly running. Sylvie finds herself wanting to tell you that she hadn’t simply pushed you into Sakaar. When it’s a mission, things are never accidental. She always has a plan.

Yet, she chooses not to say anything.

You speak again but merely whisper, fidgeting with your fingers, “Before Sakaar—did you enchant me?”

It's as if you're reading her mind.

“Are you seeing things?”

After a pause, the fidgeting stops.

“I’ve seen things all my life, images. Brief and insignificant. But ever since I was in Sakaar, it’s gotten a lot harder to differentiate a dream and a memory.”

“That’s because they aren’t dreams.”

Your hardened gaze finds hers for a brief moment, nearly growing wide at her words but in an instant, your guard is up once you hear the shuffling of feet behind you where Loki lingers. The subject is dropped immediately. He meets Sylvie’s gaze, the two share a knowing look.

Your anger is provoked and well deserved and yet, the last thing he wants is to be your enemy. Loki doesn’t know why. He has lived a life full of them.

You’re different.

He stills, wondering if you’re going to lash out at him again but when he notices your slow breaths, he decides to sit next to you anyway, awkward glances to you in his periphery. A deep sigh escapes his lips, fiddling with his fingers. “What now?”

Sylvie is the one to answer. “I don’t know. You broke the TemPad.”

“Well—”

“And that planet is about to crash into us.”

Loki looks up at the nearing planet of Lamentis. He blinks. “Well, yes, but—”

“Yes, but what?”

“Well, the entire moon is destroyed, right?”

Sylvie is trying to suppress your growing annoyance. “Yep. And everyone on it is killed.”

But Loki pesters on. “Including us.”

She raises her voice. “Yes, including us.” Loki glances at you momentarily. A pause. He furrows his brows in thought.

“What about the ark?”

“The ark never leaves because it's destroyed.”

Suddenly, an epiphany, his eyes light up. He turns to you and Sylvie, “Never had us on it.”

You suddenly scoff at his words. “Are you suggesting we hijack the ark and make sure it gets off this moon?” You turn to him to only spot a vague smile playing upon his lips. He nods in return. “Sounds like a good idea to me, Agent.”

You merely blink, watching the way his eyes shift across your face. First, you’re struck with uncertainty. It’s a risk, a huge one but you know, risks are meant to be uncertain. Risks are also vital in success. Hesitation, doubt—they make you weak. This time, you want to be strong. Strong enough for one last push to save your life.

“Okay.” is what you say, your expression reflecting his.

For the first time, since he took your hand in Sakaar, you’re starting to trust him.

—

The walk to Shuroo seemed endless. You trail behind the two, feeling like you’re about to suffocate.

“—To preserve the connection, I have to create a fantasy from their memories.”

Loki and Sylvie had been conversing about the science and functions of enchantment in a rather surprisingly calm manner. Loki hums, amused by her elucidation. “And you call me a magician.”

Her expression is unchanged as she continues to trudge alongside Loki, ignoring his previous statement. “That young soldier from the TVA, her mind was messed up. Everything clouded. I had to pull a memory from hundreds of years prior...before she even fought for them.”

Loki halts abruptly in his step, hand flying to grab Sylvie’s arm. “What? What'd you say? Before she joined the TVA?”

Sylvie blinks. “Yeah. She was just a regular person on Earth.”

His mind starts to reel, face muddled with confusion. “I was told that everyone who works for the TVA was created by the Time-Keepers.”

“That's ridiculous. They're all variants, just like us. Including her.” Sylvie gestures discreetly to you who has stopped to take a breather, hands on your hips as you blink up to the sky.

You, Mobius, all of them. All variants.

“They don't know that. She doesn’t know that.” he breathes a terrified expression.

Sylvie looks at you from afar. You’re now looking at them with a bewildered expression. “What?” you call out, voice echoing through the wide area, in a somewhat defensive tone.

She turns to Loki once more, voice nearly faltering. “I have a feeling she already knows it.”

—

Loki doesn’t realize the unfamiliarity of hopelessness. Throughout his life, he was constantly surrounded by those with unfaltering determination—His brother, family, friends who were warriors, The Avengers.

Never was it known that he would see it burning in your eyes as they reflect the growing fire of the Ark, crumbling down, tongues of fire engulfing it whole before you. His heart burns with it as Shuroo falls quiet—only the sounds of the metallic crashing of the disintegrating parts of the ship falling from above and the screams of the rich and deemed worthy to live. Every Lamentian still alive held their breath, a moment's silence for their lives must end. Everything must end.

So close yet so far.

Sylvie is gone by the minute as the city starts to descend in terror and panic. He stands behind your still form, just watching your only chance of making it out, swallowed by its own billowing smoke. He reaches out for you, tugging you by the sleeve. “We should leave,” he says with a sudden sense to protect you. There isn’t much to do at this point. It doesn't matter if you are hit by the falling pieces of the Ark because you are all going to die anyway.

But he considers it a gesture, as insignificant and small it is. The least he could do is to distract you from the end, whether for a mere second or minutes.

“I know things haven’t been the best between us and I concede I bring out the worst in you, but I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

You turn to Loki with his sudden words. He watches the way your expression softens so gracefully, face adorned with gashes and wounds. Your mouth twitches as you respond with a gentle voice. “I forgive you.”

Three words. Very powerful words.

His heart skips a beat.

You find Sylvie at the brink of the city, sitting on a stretched slab of rock amongst the dirt, watching the horizon where the planet starts to meet the moon. Loki still has his hand around your arm, but you don’t complain. It’s your only source of support at the moment. It’s an unconscious move, but everything about it feels right when the two of you settle beside her, shoulders brushing against each other. It only makes sense to want to feel the nearness, the closeness of another as the light at the end of the tunnel begins to dim.

It’s impending. It’s scary.

“I remember Asgard.”

Sylvie’s voice trembles, her eyes are somber.

“Not much, but I remember. My home, my people, my life. Then, the TVA showed up, erased my reality, and took me, prisoner. I was just a child.”

You turn to her, guilt bubbling in your chest, but you don’t say anything. You let her speak. It’s only right.

“I escaped.” she breathes, blinking the brimming tears in her eyes away. ”Stole a TemPad and I ran for a long, long time, which really sucked. Everywhere and every-when I went, it caused a Nexus event.”

Sylvie turns to you with a melancholic gaze. “The universe wants to break free, so it manifests chaos. Like me being born the Goddess of Mischief. But to you and the TVA, I’m not supposed to exist.”

For so long, you hadn’t realized the consequences of your work at the TVA. You believed you were right. That erasing, resetting realities were meant to be. You cannot comprehend how it only occurred to you to question the authority of the Time-Keepers over time itself after Sakaar. All those years of being ignorant and selfish. You hadn’t realized. You never did.

But now you know.

Sylvie continues, gaze shifting away from you. “I figured out where to hide. And so that's where I grew up, the ends of a thousand worlds. Now...that's where I'll die.”

Then, silence. It sits heavily between the three of you.

“The universe—isn’t she beautiful?” Your voice is soft, eyes trained on the horizon—a fleet of asteroids, they reflect the end. But they seem to dance to the silence of the apocalypse, drifting across the stratosphere, lining the firmament. Loki’s gaze shifts to you, training on every curve of your face and the tears slipping down your cheeks. He agrees, the universe is beautiful.

You’re beautiful.

“She brings turmoil, agony, and destruction but in all her flaws, there’s beauty in her very existence.”

Your hands find Sylvie and Loki’s hands, holding on to them tightly as you fight the wavering of your voice.

“You...Both of you might be the epitome of chaos but you must know that you have such beautiful souls. All of us, we're her children...and if she is beautiful, so are we. And the Universe is always right. If she created you then we are wrong.”

Sylvie’s face is soft. Loki squeezes your hand.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I should have known from the start...that the TVA was lying to all of us. I should have questioned. I should have doubted—”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault,” she says, smiling with saddened eyes.

You laugh. You don’t know why, but you do. Maybe, it’s because you know you are a part of the problem anyway, even if you were just doing your job.

You find Loki’s gaze that’s already on you. You sigh and speak through a whisper. “I’m sorry for slapping you.”

His lips curve into a grin, eyes crinkling like your own. “It was well deserved, but I forgive you.”

Fingers entangled with the hands of two unlikely people, you finally realize what it truly feels like to not be alone. To be in the company of someone you want to be with.

“Now long now.” Those three words leave the very lips of Sylvie and your chest feels like it’s about to collapse.

You never knew you were afraid of death, yet here you are—terrified.

The ground shakes beneath you. It’s dark and there’s fire everywhere. A meteor collides to the ground just across the way, it sends smoke billowing to its surroundings faster than you can blink.

Even in the last seconds of your life, you have doubts remaining. What if the universe isn’t always right?

Then, through the growing dust, you see a spark, like lightning. A glint of a figure, standing before you. White, pure, and serene. You’re standing now, staring ahead. Sylvie and Loki cease to exist in your mind as they gaze at you with bewilderment. They anxiously call you by your name but you don’t hear it. There’s only silence now, you don’t hear anything but the ringing in your ears.

A voice, she speaks with dignity. A voice so familiar.

“Doubt makes the strong weak, my child.”

Then, you hear it. A soft hum—a Time Door glows warmth amid your impending death.

Suddenly, she’s gone.

TAGLIST:

@lareinedususpense

@poubxlle

@mystoragehatesme

@the-maroon-panda

@kashasenpai

@nyxrae

@johnmurphys-sass

[veliseraptor]

So this is in NO WAY PRESSURING, get to this whenever you're bored and have nothing better to do, but I (have still not watched The Untamed) would love to hear any disorganized rambles around your fic 'Punitive Measures', like your thoughts while writing it, how you view Xue Yang's fight/flight/freeze instinct, and/or where you would take the plot if you ever came back to it (again, not pressuring, I'm not asking for a sequel, I'm asking for director's commentary. Also I know the mysterious flute was implying Wei Wuxian, I know that much and not much more.) It's a really fun, quick fic that I enjoy reading through while I keep circling around your longer, more intimidating stories. I aspire to write like you.

oh boy, well, I don't know that I ever have nothing to do but here I am answering this ask anyway, because I like talking about my fic even if I get self-conscious about it.

this entire fic falls solidly into the genre of fic I write that is legitimately just “I’m gonna fuck up this character I love because it’ll be fun and I love to do that” and then just kinda...went for it. actually harder than I was initially planning! my vague sense of what I was going to do with this fic didn’t have Xue Yang down an eye at the end of it.

but when inspiration strikes, what’s a girl to do, etc.

I actually thought recently about writing a sequel to this fic (or, well, continuing into the AU it started, more like) because the concept of Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang being bloodthirsty vengeance brethren is a very good one for me, personally, and at the point their paths would be intersecting in this AU a more plausible one than it would be at pretty much any other time (I would argue, at least in CQLverse). And that’s where I think this would be going. Because Xue Yang would see Wei Wuxian, in his bloodiest frame of mind, powered up with a gorgeous flute of bad vibes and go “fuck yes” even if he wasn’t in a place where he really needed the help.

The question I had was whether Wei Wuxian would be interested in accepting company, and I feel like Xue Yang on that front could be convincing. And the way that the latter would both enable and egg on all the former’s darkest fantasies and impulses...I’m just saying, Wen Chao and everyone he has ever known is in for a very bad time, possibly even worse than they already were.

I invite you to picture in this AU the part where Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji find not just darker and edgier Wei Wuxian at the end of their scavenger hunt but darker and edgier Wei Wuxian with a friend. A familiar friend! Now down an eye and practically picking his teeth with Wen Chao’s finger bones. :D

since you asked for disorganized rambling I went back to reread and I’ll give you some director’s commentary on a few things

And he’d kind of hoped Wen Ruohan would be too busy figuring out how to deal with his brewing war to dedicate much attention to looking for one absent retainer. And even if he did, Xue Yang had sort of figured that finding him would fall to Wen Chao, who’d probably struggle to find his own ass with two hands.

kicking off this director’s commentary with Xue Yang’s brutal assessment of the competency of Wen Chao.

tbh one of my favorite things about CQL’s involving Xue Yang in the whole Sunshot storyline, despite the merry hell it plays with timeline stuff later, is how obviously little regard Xue Yang has for the Wens, even when they’re at the height of their power. He shows Wen Ruohan himself very little respect, and I can’t imagine anyone else getting more (except maybe Wen Qing, because Wen Qing is competent and if nothing else Xue Yang can respect competency).

and he just like. ditches them. walks out! promises to deliver very powerful magical artifact, and then gets what he wants and is like “smell ya later, peace” and they never catch him.

that’s just a kind of gutsiness and casual disregard for very powerful people that I really both love and respect about Xue Yang. and also that he has in common with Xiao Xingchen, tbh. and Song Lan (though him I think to a slightly lesser degree, partly because he has a little more tact and sense of societal norms as something relevant to be thinking about)! they can all vibe on that.

They took Jiangzai. Well. One of the Wen disciples took Jiangzai in the stomach and Xue Yang didn’t get it back.

this isn’t an important line or anything. I just like it a lot.

Wen Chao gestured again and he went down in a hail of fists and feet. Xue Yang tucked his chin down to protect his throat, curled his hands into his chest, and drew up his knees to guard his stomach.

He knew how this worked. Sure, it’d been a while since someone had beat him like this, but the lessons stuck. It was almost boring, really. If Wen Chao was going to play torture games then he could at least do Xue Yang the favor of trying to be creative.

He checked out the part of his brain that registered pain as anything other than a thing that was happening and focused instead on opportunities. Weaknesses in his assailants. Escape routes. Getting away would be the first thing. Nice if he could take a piece of Wen Chao with him on the way out - arm, or maybe even a head - but the priority was freedom and survival.

okay, this I feel like cuts into some of what you were talking about regarding Xue Yang’s fight/flight instinct, and also a lot of what if, I was feeling pretentious, I feel like this fic is digging into on a level under “what if I just tortured Xue Yang a whole bunch,” which is something about the relationship Xue Yang has to (a) pain and (b) his own body. Specifically, the relative indifference he has toward both. Or...not indifference, exactly, because it’s not like he’s enjoying himself, it still hurts. It’s just...expected.

unremarkable.

which is a lot of what I was trying to convey with Xue Yang’s narration during the whole torture sequence, with the commentary on methodology and how things are mundane or boring, because the suffering itself is mundane! as far as Xue Yang is concerned that’s exactly what suffering is! other peoples’, for sure, which is part of why it doesn’t matter, but also his own.

the world hurts and that’s just how it is and you learn how to cope with that. pain as...a thing that [is] happening.

I also, since you mentioned the fight/flight instinct, think a lot about how Xue Yang is, while he’s very proud and very stubborn, absolutely not someone to pick fights (in general) that he knows he can’t win. Xue Yang will almost always be on the side of “run and come back another day” over “stand and fight when all is lost.” survival, first and foremost.

which feeds into the weird paradox that I kind of hint toward at the end of this fic about Xue Yang as someone who has a definite death drive, who is profoundly obsessed with his own death in a lot of ways, and simultaneously is attached to staying alive above pretty much all else.

“Snap and snarl all you want,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere. And the only part of you I need intact is your tongue, so you can tell me where you hid the Yin Metal you promised. Everything else is optional.”

A prickle of fear rolled down Xue Yang’s spine and he flicked it away, baring his teeth.

I actually do think that, even before they get around to hand-specific trauma, permanent mutilation is one of those things that still scares Xue Yang. which is a short list! there isn’t much that actually either gets to or scares him, but I think the prospect of (further) mutilation does, because I think Xue Yang is very...acutely aware of the fact that his physical capability is a major factor in what has kept him alive and what, in all likelihood, is going to keep him alive moving forward. anything that threatens that capability, that limits him in terms of strength or mobility or otherwise has a disabling effect, is consequently going to be a short road to death, and Xue Yang would much rather die painfully fighting than die as a consequence of not being able to take care of himself.

for Xue Yang, the idea of a return to the kind of helplessness that is tied to his trauma is one of the worst possible prospects to contemplate. in my head this is exacerbated further by the fact that I figure Xue Yang didn’t get much if any medical care post hand incident, meaning that the recovery period was absolutely nightmarish and a whole stretch of time beyond the event itself where Xue Yang was struggling to survive because he’d been damaged.

in some ways I think that period of time probably did more to shape Xue Yang than the moment itself.

Wen Chao grabbed one of the branding irons from a disciple’s belt and pressed it to his stomach. That hurt. More. He clamped his back teeth together so he didn’t make any sound, absorbed the burn, owned it. His. You only hurt if you were alive. And anything you survived made you stronger.

Not that this was actually going to make him stronger. It was probably just going to make him dead. But then again, the worse this went the more resentment he’d have built up. He could use that. Would.

Dead didn’t have to mean finished.

obviously this is pulled almost direct from what Wei Wuxian himself says to Wen Chao. deliberate echoes based on character parallels! we love those.

and yeah, again here about Xue Yang and his relationship to pain, but in a less mundane way this time where it’s about pain as a tool, pain as something he can use. which is another thing about coping, I think - when pain and suffering are a regular part of your life, one way to deal with that can be to convert it into having some kind of purpose or benefit.

which in this case it definitely can. Xue Yang is definitely someone who, I think, has thought a lot about trying to arrange it so he becomes a ghost after he dies. or at least has thought a lot about what he’d do after dying to the person who killed him. 

and when you’re a necromancer by trade death really isn’t the end of the line anymore, just the start of a something new. Xue Yang’s relationship to life itself: about as jacked up as his relationships in general.

He felt the snap of bone in his teeth. Pain shooting up the side of his hand, all the way to his wrist, and Xue Yang couldn’t keep himself still enough not to try to wrench himself away. He swallowed his scream and turned it into a laugh. It was funny, wasn’t it? Funny, that he was back here, again. It wasn’t as bad, though. He knew how to take pain, how to breathe it in, make it part of himself, later turn it outwards magnified tenfold. They were old friends. Practically lovers. 

two things here:

1. the thread throughout this fic of Xue Yang making things funny so he can deal with them, here brought to you by reliving trauma! because it’s funny! right? laugh about it! just fucking hilarious.

I have a thing about characters basically deciding for themselves to make very unfunny situations funny because it makes them less awful.

2. and look, now he can deal with it better this time! he’s Learned. :) :) :)

Everything splintered. Splintered like bones under a wheel, and first thing he tried to struggle to get away but that just hurt worse and then old old old instincts kicked in and he went still, limp, dead.

“Did he faint?”

Someone nudged him with their foot. One part of him roared to grab that foot and rip it off along with the leg it was attached to. Immediately the same thing that’d made him play dead told him to wait.

at an end point where fighting is impossible and running is also impossible, the only thing left to do is play dead and wait it out. this is very much, in my head, a reversion to a tactic Xue Yang hasn’t used in a very long time and does not want to be using now, because it is absolutely the recourse of the extraordinarily helpless with no way out.

which he has been! and is now, but he really really really doesn’t want to be. Xue Yang has built his life around not being that, ever again.

but here it’s not a move he makes planning to turn it around the way he does, not at first. he gets there, but when he first does it I think it is literally just instinct that goes enough is enough and shuts down.

Wen Chao, Wen Chao, Xue Yang thought. My body’s going to give out before I do.

someone should remind me at some point maybe (or not) to write something coherent about my Xue Yang vs. his own body thoughts. specifically the way that, while Xue Yang is very physical and very grounded, I think he has a somewhat antagonistic relationship with his own body, actually. not completely! he definitely respects what it can do for him! but I think he also treats it a little as a slightly separate entity that’s capable of betraying him rather than as a fully integrated part of himself.

not always! but it’s a little bit there. this idea that sometimes his body, and its capacity to be hurt or damaged, is a weakness that he’d like to be able to forgo entirely, if only it wouldn’t mean losing all the good things about having a body. and that’s present here in this line, for me, where he thinks about himself and his body as slightly separate, and his body as something weaker than its Xue Yang core.

[flowerflamestars]

Main Issues with Feysand's leadership: it mostly consists on rather inmature, underdeveloped strategy that would in no way get a world leader very far in the real world (see: 'i schooled my face into a look of boredom'), seem content in making enemies left to right as long as they never have to step down from the pedestal that they've built, and see Illyria as a necessary evil, like wtf. In conclusion, Rhysand is a governor for Velaris, but is not fit to be the ruler of the Night Court.

Rounding caveat, because I know I’m going to get shouty: the dividing line between ToG and ACOTAR is that tog is a fantasy series with romance, and acotar is a romance series in a fantasy world. They’re not the same. I’d be totally fine with how the world building in acotar is v handywavy, because it’s still accomplishing what the books set out to do (tell a love story, hello acomaf) but- BUT, it’s not consistent. And that inconsistency wildly undermines the characters.

And god, if Rhysand as a ruler isn’t the heart of ???? spirit.

We’re not going to talk about how the plot of acotar only makes sense backwards (Hey, Rhys, why did you want to kidnap every month a powerless mortal girl???), we’re just going to talk about reputation.

So Rhys is a villain who we learn isn’t actually evil. A classic. He was made to do terrible things by Amarantha! He sacrificed himself to save his friends! Of course the High Lords hate him, they think he sided with the enemy.

That could have been the whole thing- the layers pulled back, Rhysand also a victim, a reason for the world to hate him but for Feyre to see otherwise.

OKAY BUT- then we learn? that Rhysand has been playing Evil Scary Jackass in all political situations? for his entire reign? that’s just what he does?

Round two: Rhys had to be Amarantha’s because he had to “shield the knowledge” of his friends and his capitol? city. 

BUT- other people Under the Mountain, also accessible to Amarantha, know the IC??? have been acquainted with them for years? They’re not a secret. Mor was almost married out, Az and Cas are legendary, Amren is a story people tell. 

And all those people are probably incentivized by the fact that, you know, they think Rhysand is an evil traitor.

Furthermore: guess who willing cooperated with Amarantha? The Court of Nightmares. Recall who, surprise in acowar, knows all about Velaris: Keir.

Round three: Sexy Evil Cosplay, wherein we learn that not only instead of just keeping it together in politics Rhys has adopted an entire secondary persona, we learn he also...uses this persona...to scare all the other highborn faeries into submission....so he? never has to talk to them?

BUT ALSO: this whole thing is undermined by, once more, Keir. 

The whole game on the throne is to instill fear/ control of Keir. The whole Second Face. But Keir knows about Velaris? Keir knows exactly what Rhys stands for because Rhys and Cassian tried to rescue Morrigan from the Court of Nightmares when they were teens. Hell, Keir probably knew Rhys when Rhys was a kid.

It’s almost like eventually the person you pretend to be becomes who you are.

I think the Political Rhys vs Real Rhys started out as a plot point, but in character became this: not someone separate at all, but actually, Rhysand’s coping mechanism for making shitty choices.

See: if everyone in the Court of Nightmares bows, I’m ruling them. It doesn’t matter that women are being sold, that there’s servants and presumably totally normal people trapped in a mountain they can’t leave with people I think are monsters.

Let’s jump to Illyria. 

How much easier is it, for Rhysand, half-Illyrian himself, to align wholly with the High Fae and say: no, it’s Illyria’s fault. They’re savages, they’re barbarians. 

Easy as being a dick to other powerful men because it’s fun when they can’t fight back.

If the blame isn’t his, he keeps his army. He doesn’t have to fight a civil war that might swallow him whole, considering Illyria is the army he controls vs the High Fae soldiers left entirely under Keir’s rule. 

If it’s Illyria’s fault he can successfully reimagine the past as he clearly needs to (someday, I’ll make a whole ass post about Rhysand’s mommy issues and how they creepily bleed into Feyre’s characterization, but one thing at a time).

If it’s Illyria’s fault, he can’t be mad about his Mother, daughter of a warrior race, offering him up for brutal, dangerous training. It’s the fault of Illyria. He doesn’t have to imagine he was learning those things, fighting in the mud, because it was the only way his mother could pass the legacy, could say, look, this is where I come from and someday you will have the power to make it better for your sister, for everyone.

He LOVED his mother. He wears the sacred tattoos, manifests wings, has Illyrian “brothers”.

But- It’s Illyria’s fault, so Rhys didn’t fail, Rhys is doing his duty by keeping them in line. 

Which brings us to the war.

I’m unclear on why only the Night Court knew Hybern was coming, but let’s just accept that. 

But it’s all about the Public Face, moving in the shadows, the two Rhysands. So for the months Feyre is wasting away with Tamlin, planning her wedding Rhys...doesn’t warn anyone. Doesn’t whisper to the other High Lords to shore up defenses.

He makes a plan contingent on 1)that creepy deal with Feyre that he can now both justify and doesn’t want to enforce knowing she’s his mate, and 2) long lost magical objects no one knows the location of, and that don’t belong to him.

Rhys got SO used to the All-Knowing Dickbag face, it’s like he started believing he was all knowing. He’s one of seven Lords, but he doesn’t talk to any of them, on the off chance they don’t do exactly as he says. He steals from Tarquin, a young High Lord kind enough to take a chance on him. He tricks Mor. He lies to...everyone?

And then it’s a big deal, a failure on their part, when at the FINAL HOUR AND LAST MOMENT BEFORE ALL OUT WAR, AFTER THE SECOND INVASION HAS ALREADY COMMENCED, when the High Lords don’t jump to trust Rhys.

A step back, a Feyre tangent: Feyre, younger, also deeply traumatized, falls into this hard. Rhys tells her he’s the underdog, and she believes it. He’s SO SO SO powerful he can take the voice of another High Lord, Feyre herself thinks he’s so magical the gap between him and his contemporaries is like that between humans and high fae-

But hey wait, they don’t trust him because he’s been a dick for five hundred years. 

But hey wait, they came as their true selves, they don’t trust him while he’s WEARING ILLYRIAN WINGS- IT’S BECAUSE HE’S DIFFERENT-

No, it is not, but Feyre’s POV sort of wants us to think so.

And that’s where everything sort of falls apart.

The act of power has stopped being an act- it’s just their actions now. And they do not know how to stop.

Because they are in control, and they have to go on for the war. They have to keep making decisions, even if they’ve lost the thread, because they want to survive.

But they do survive.

And it turns out, even after that, they can’t put down the masks fused to their faces, because the act is the only thing keeping them together.

So the balls to the wall, We Must have the High Ground Even at Our Own Dinner Parties, The Center MUST Hold shit just keeps going: tearing down Lucien because he chose something that wasn’t their Court. Letting Illyria crumble because they don’t need the army right now. Banishing Nesta because she’ll never bow to authority.

All the weird, incestuous feeling inter IC drama.

But they’re the underdogs! the Heroes! It’s not their fault! 

So they spend their time in Velaris, charmingly hanging out like they’re normal people, thinking they’re better because power is wielded on an unimaginable personal scale.

Rhys loves his people! Rhys sacrificed!

Rhys...careened from one war/disaster to the next, and then settled down to play house?

The narrative cannot decide: is Rhys really an underdog, devoted to his people? How about he helps every other city that Amarantha destroyed?

Is Rhys a Normal Guy who just wants to walk on pretty cobblestone and have a cute, happy family? Maybe, there should be a government so he isn’t solely responsible for everything?

Is Rhys the Lord of Darkness Redeemed by LOVE?  Cool, let’s have him maybe he honest with Feyre exactly once, OR, at least talk about how him dying made her go off the rails and try to fix that with a bandage that isn’t baby shaped before Feyre’s 22nd birthday. 

Canonically, becoming High Lord is a mystical, magical endowment. That then, for the most part, functions as some kind of mashup Monarchy/ Feudal Lordship.

If that’s what it is, why can’t we lean into that? Rhys who does want a normal happy life with Feyre, trapped by the weight of immovable magic destiny.

King Rhys, duty bound to his bloodline and his people, torn between different ways to rule. 

Hell, Rhysand who really is a monster, because maybe Faeries are monstrous by human standards, who shows Feyre the beauty that lies beneath the brutality in a magic, surreal world where everyone is terrifying, but even monsters love.

[stardustsides]

okay i know lots of people have done this already but.........hadestown au

roman as orpheus:

- a bright, passionate young man, if not a little naive

- an absolute hopeless romantic, loves love with all his heart

- doesn’t have a penny to his name, but is an extremely talented musician who hopes to write a song to make spring come again

- as soon as he lays eyes on virgil, he falls head over heels in love with him, and proposes almost immediately

virgil as eurydice:

- has never had roots anywhere, just goes from one place to the next, alone

- being alone all his life and forced to fend for himself has made him jaded and pessimistic, believing that there’s no goodness in the world

- when he meets roman, he falls in love with him, despite his brain telling him that it’s a bad idea

- is much more levelheaded than roman, and while roman is wrapped up in writing his song, he’s forced to find food and firewood for them, eventually getting caught in a brutal storm that leads to him making a tragic mistake

janus as hades:

- was once young and in love, but is not young anymore

- the mighty king of the underworld, whose workers work tirelessly to manufacture products and build a wall around his city

- absolutely adores his husband with all his heart, but his insecurities and fears have led to a great rift between them

- has a stone-cold exterior, but inside he is really just terrified of losing his husband and knows that he cannot provide him with the things that he loves

patton as persephone:

- ooooh boy

- thousands of years ago he had a bright and free spirit that janus was drawn to, running freely through a field, flowers blooming in his wake

- much like his husband, he has also grown older, and is no longer the young, sweet, innocent god he once was; he’s been around a while, has seen many things, and has grown cynical as a result

- always has a bit too much to drink as a coping mechanism; it’s rare nowadays that one will find him without a bottle of wine in his hand

- also loves janus deeply, but the rift between them deepens as he grows increasingly horrified by the conditions of the underworld: dark, industrial, and smoky, everything that the god of springtime is not.

logan as hermes:

- the narrator of the story

- cares deeply for roman, and practically raised him

- knows how the story will sadly end, but tells it again and again and again

remus as the fates:

- can split himself into three beings, which can swarm around people and plant the seeds of doubt in their minds

- is an entirely neutral force, and does not work to give ideas entirely; only to sway those ideas that are already in people’s minds one way or another

idk if i’ll ever actually do anything with this au; maybe a couple oneshots, so let me know if you want to be tagged !!

[wonda-cat]

You mentioned rewriting that one analysis post on Tommy’s revival stream and I’d really look forward to it! I never got to read the full og post and that’s the only place I saw these takes. Especially the one about the afterlife being too depressing. It’s not even just about Tommy, the implication that even if every character is safe and happy by the end, this is their inevitable fate is messed up. It’s not “a neat subversion” it’s just depressing and doesn’t add anything.

Hey, anon!

I sorta decided to not rewrite it? I feel a bit differently about the essay in the end, although I still believe in most of my points. I’m also just not nearly as passionate about it as I was when I wrote it (I finished it in a single sitting, which was... interesting.) However, yes, the afterlife stuff still bothers me just the same, as well as the odd changes to Wilbur’s characterization... post mortem.

But—just for you, anon—here’s the entire meta-analysis essay anyway, with some minor edits to the stuff I don’t agree with anymore!

My Many Narrative Issues with Tommyinnit’s Revival Stream

I want to preface this by saying that I dearly love the Dream SMP and understand it isn’t exactly comparable to other mediums like TV and film. With this being the case, most criticism against it is generally in bad faith or strange in foundation. Complaining about streamers for bad acting is the best example that comes to mind. 

These aren’t professional actors. Most have never acted in this sort of setting, or even at all. Quite a few have admitted to never roleplaying before. Which is why it’s warranted to praise Tommy, Dream, Wilbur, Ranboo, and others when they deliver stellar performances. The same applies to criticism of music choice, dialogue delivery, focus, tone, etc. 

However, one such category I cannot overlook is in regards to its writing. The writing of a story is its entire foundation. It encompasses many things—conflict choice, character development, themes, and morals. The author creates the blueprints for the architect, who then expresses the story with light, sound, color, pacing, and music. It is in its execution that we see if this connection is made or broken. 

The reason I find poor writing mostly inexcusable is because it is one of the most available skills to practice and perfect. I don’t mean to say that it’s easy, I mean to say it is something anyone can attempt to cultivate. Whether they do it well or not depends on their methods and experience. If anyone can self-publish a novel and be criticized online for its quality—and even compared to the works of Mark Twain—then I find critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP to be perfectly reasonable. 

However, since the Dream SMP script is a set of loose bullet points, tearing apart dialogue and scene continuity—which is nearly all improv—is rather useless. It doesn’t exactly have a clear focus as the plot plays out. The characters talk in circles until they hit the story beat required, and then they move onto the next. Thus, when criticizing it, one should generally critique grand events and narrative-specific shifts, more so than small-scale character interactions. 

Which brings me to my main point: The broad narrative choices taken in Tommyinnit’s most recent livestream, ‘Am I dead?’ may lead to disastrous writing pitfalls in the future. 

I’ll be outlining each of my issues below, in hopes of creating a better understanding as to why I feel this way. 

This might become quite lengthy, so please bear with me for a bit.

Tommy’s relationship to Wilbur has flipped. This change is jarring and seems out of character.

Tommy and Wilbur’s friendship is rather complicated. While Wilbur does care for Tommy immensely, especially during the L’Manburg Revolution and the Election Arc, his mental spiral during exile put a massive strain on their relationship as a whole. Wilbur brushed off Tommy’s feelings and wants, while clinging to him and pushing everyone else away. He was simultaneously distant and suffocating. 

Tommy, on the other hand, has an unclear view of his mentor. Since the beginning, and even long after Wilbur’s death, Tommy held him in especially high regard. He saw him as a brother-figure and a wise leader. He followed what he said and did everything he could to impress him. Yet, Wilbur still hurt him while the two were together in exile. 

When speaking of him, Tommy tends to flip infrequently between remembering Wilbur the way he was before his mental decline and thinking of him as a monster. Both of these images conflict with each other, but they weren’t nearly as extreme as what Tommy described Wilbur as when he was revived from death. The fear Tommy displays to Wilbur is beyond intense—it feels as if the audience may have missed a month’s worth of character development. 

This can make sense, especially since it was stated that he’d spent what felt like two months in the void. However, this shift is still deeply at odds with Tommy’s previous impressions of Wilbur, which is both disheartening and confusing. The fact that Tommy would agree to stay with Dream—his abuser and murderer—over his past mentor is simply head-reeling. It paints a very different picture of Wilbur’s character, somewhat conforming to the fandom’s ableist impression of him—the idea that Wilbur is insane and irredeemable, and always will be. 

It also ignores Dream being the driving factor in Wilbur’s downfall, as well as the double-bind deal with Dream which required him to push the button, no matter the outcome. Others have pointed out that Tommy may be lying to get Dream to bring Wilbur back, and there’s compelling evidence for that. For one, Tommy and Wilbur’s conversation seemed uncomfortable, but it was certainly nothing like Tommy implied. (Unless this fear comes from something Wilbur said off-screen.) 

Tommy also begged Dream to not bring him back multiple times over, which he should know would make Dream even more tempted to, simply because he likes seeing Tommy in pain. Tommy is also a known unreliable narrator. He may be making Wilbur out to be worse than he is by accident (even still, I’d argue this is a bit of a stretch.) 

However, there are some issues with this theory. Tommy offered himself as payment to Dream if he chose to let Wilbur rest. This is a deal Tommy knows Dream is extremely unlikely to refuse. Tommy is what Dream has coveted all this time. If Tommy genuinely wanted Wilbur back, he would not offer this. This sort of compromise is Tommy’s greatest nightmare—something he would only do in response to his friends being threatened or his home being destroyed. 

To add, Tommy is not great at lying. Unless he was taught by Wilbur for those two months* in the afterlife, there’s no chance Tommy would be this good at it. Thirdly, Tommy is terrible under pressure. He uses humor to cope. When he can’t, he cries and shouts and spills his heart out. While cornered, Tommy will tell the truth about anything, especially if Dream casually debates killing him again, just for fun. 

For now, it’s too early to tell how the relationship shift will play out. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is rather minor.

Season three’s writing is needlessly bleak. The portrayal of the afterlife is a nightmare. There is no rest, not even in death.

I adore the Dream SMP storyline in its entirety. I believe the first season is fantastic, and while the second season has some narrative clarity issues, I enjoyed it just as much. Although, I would argue season one had a more concrete understanding of its Hope-Conflict balance. 

To briefly explain, the Hope in stories are its ‘highs’ and good moments. These appear when a character the audience is rooting for is narratively rewarded. They happen during character building in the text—it’s the downtime and peace that allows for connection and relatability. It’s a moment for the viewer to breathe easy. 

The other half is Conflict, an obstacle in the story that gets in the way of the main characters’ goals, beliefs, and motives. These are the ‘lows.’ They give the narrative focus and weight. They make the highs feel even higher. They establish consequences and force the characters in the story to change in order to adapt and overcome them. 

I bring up the Hope-Conflict balance because a traditional hero’s journey would have an appropriate amount of both. Their highs and lows are generally equalized, as the name suggests. However, this balance has been awkwardly skewed in the latter half of season two and in the current plot of season three. To clarify, it is perfectly reasonable, and even common, for some stories to tip the scale more to one side. 

But a common mistake for amateur writers is to create their stories as either hopelessly dark to cause the audience continuous distress for the sake of distress, or to keep everything entirely conflict-free for most of the plot. What do these both have in common? They each make the story boring and predictable. 

Season three has taken this concept and thrown a monstrously heavy weight onto the Conflict side and flipped the scale so hard it has crashed through the ceiling. The viewers are hardly given time to find any joy in Tommy’s character, as he’s thrown into yet another abusive situation, just barely after his first narrative reward. The world is painted as relentlessly violent and traumatic. 

Every person Tommy meets is morally grey, unhinged, or out to hurt him. Everything most of the characters love is taken from them by those in positions of power. Ranboo cannot even grieve properly because it scars his face. Puffy, Sam, Ranboo, and Tubbo all blame themselves for what happened to Tommy. 

The audience watches lore stream after lore stream with the same depressing tone (with the exception of Tubbo’s, but I assume that’s unintentional.) Tommy is revived after being brutally beaten to death by his abuser, surrounded by all of his greatest fears. The afterlife is revealed to be akin to inescapable torture. It’s a colorless void that wraps the individual like fabric. 

Time moves thirty times slower within. There’s nothing—nothing but the voices of others who’ve passed on before him. Dying in a world already devoid of happiness takes the characters to a place worse than hell. When a narrative delivers unfair suffering to the entire cast without a moment of joy to speak of, the story will feel simultaneously overwhelming and pointless. 

Why watch characters suffer when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel? What happiness could they strive for when we know they’ll never get to keep it? How can I be satisfied with a good ending, if I know that an afterlife too terrible to name is what awaits them, truly, at the end of their story? Death isn’t even a white void that offers rest—it is eternal torment. 

Obviously, it isn’t a good message to send by making the afterlife seem like a quiet, perfect place or an escape from pain. But making it an unspeakable anguish which awaits, assumedly, every character who will die in the future? I deeply hope Tommy was only being an extremely unreliable narrator. 

More likely, I hope the place Tommy was taken to was a Limbo of sorts, not an end-all-be-all destination for everyone.

The degree of Tommy’s narrative punishment continues to escalate, to an almost absurd degree.

Tommy is one of the most tragic characters to exist in the storyline. He was sent into war at a young age and experienced two traumatic events during it. He was exiled by the newly elected leader and witnessed his mentor Wilbur spiral and break down with paranoia. Tubbo is executed publicly in front of him. When expressing rightful anger at the person who murdered him, he’s beaten nearly to death and never receives an apology. 

Schlatt dies right in front of Tommy, after his initial refusal to hurt the ex-president. His brother-figure and mentor is killed in assisted suicide on the same day his nation is blown up. His best friend exiles him from his home for the second time. He routinely self-sacrifices to protect his country and those who live there. His most treasured possessions were taken from him and he was called selfish for trying to retrieve them (although his methods were self-destructive and volatile.) 

He was pushed to the brink of suicide after being relentlessly abused and isolated in his exile. He was horrified when he thought he was responsible for drowning Fundy. After making an objectively good decision to stand by his old friends and change for the better, his country was obliterated by the man he once idolized, his father-figure, and his abuser. 

He was left scattered and without purpose for many days. Then he fights against Dream and loses, while also reliving his trauma. He watches Tubbo almost die at the hands of someone he once thought was his friend. He doesn’t tell a single person about what happened to him in exile. The day he tries to sever his connection to Dream and heal, he’s trapped with him for a week, surrounded by everything that terrifies him. 

He threatens to kill himself, speaking about his own life as if it were an object—something to hold over Dream’s head. He blames himself for everything bad that’s ever happened to L’Manburg and his friends—internalizing a mentality as a scapegoat for everyone around him. He is forced into the role of ‘hero’ despite the title being unfair and distressing to him.

As if that weren’t enough, he’s then beaten to death by his abuser and spends what feels like two months in an afterlife that is worse than hell. When he returns, his senses are excessively heightened. Dream can cause him excruciating pain, just by pinching him. He can send Tommy into an instant panic attack, just by raising his voice. 

The punishment Tommy’s character receives is a thousand times worse than everyone he has ever met, or ever will meet. And it shows no signs of stopping, as Dream now has control over Tommy’s very mortality. Tommy now fears the slightest damage and feels as if he’s losing his best friend all over again. He is also forced into a position where he has to kill Dream out of necessity, to protect everyone he cares about.

Characters need fitting punishments in relation to their actions. Not always, but in order to be satisfying? Yes, they do. It is preferred that a main character deal with unfair situations and difficult conflicts, but this is borderline torture p*rn. Putting Tommy in these distressing and abusive situations on repeat and punishing him for doing objectively moral or healthy things is exhausting to watch. 

To quickly add, I find the general insinuation of Tommy going to hell distasteful, especially considering the contents of his storyline. I know this may be hard to believe, but Tommy is one of the most moral characters in the plot, besides Puffy and Ghostbur. He’s also the only character, followed by Ranboo, to recognize that they can be wrong and make mistakes. He changed himself in order to heal and be a better person. He was in the process of paying people back for the things he’d stolen. 

He’s learned to be hard-working and less violent through the guidance of Sam. He has apologized to everyone he’s ever hurt (with the exception of Jack Manifold, because that man is allergic to communication.) He puts himself in harm's way to protect others. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt anyone. He goes out of his way to make connections with people and maintain them, even if others don’t reciprocate. 

He’s hopelessly optimistic, despite his outwardly bitter façade. He loved so much and put meaning into the smallest things. The thought that a person like him—a suicide and abuse survivor—would go to hell after being beaten to death by the man who took everything from him; it makes me sick to my stomach. 

The only thing more morbid than Tommy’s afterlife being different than everyone else’s, is the concept that everyone will end up in this same eternal torture, no matter what they do. Take your pick: Tommy is sentenced to anguish until the end of time for no reason, or everyone will receive the same disturbing ending, regardless of their actions.

The narrative weight of Ranboo’s character is potentially out the window.

For the past few months, I’ve watched all of Ranboo’s lore streams faithfully, curious to see what role he would play in the future. His ‘hallucinations’ of Dream seemed to be sowing the seeds for a plot that has Ranboo taking the fall for every single insidious thing Dream has done. It would also be a tragic parallel to Tommy’s trial. 

Ranboo being convinced he was the one who blew up the community house, when Dream himself admitted to doing it, was one of the bigger indicators for me. This is just one of many other unexplained occurrences. Dream seemed to be making an effort to trigger and control Ranboo, especially after Sapnap’s prison visit. It appeared, from the way he went about this, that Dream had some grand use for Ranboo as part of his plan to be freed from Pandora’s Vault. 

However, after Tommy’s stream, the way Dream explains himself makes it seem like there was no plan besides seeing if the book worked on people. And if he didn’t after all, then what was Ranboo for? Was Ranboo unimportant? Was Ranboo just some weirdo who happened to phase out when seeing smiley faces and imagined conversations that may or may not have happened? 

I bring this up more as a worry, and much less so as an active problem in the narrative. They haven’t actually thrown Ranboo to the way-side or written themselves into a corner yet. In future streams, this could very easily be explained away or developed as more information is revealed. 

Only time will tell.

The potential for Wilbur’s future development and importance to the plot is unfeasible.

I feel as if I am the only person on earth who doesn’t want Wilbur Soot or Schlatt revived. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is not a dislike for these characters. I especially adore Wilbur, as he’s one of my all-time favorites. I don’t want either of them resurrected because their stories have already been told. They each had a fitting conclusion that ended their involvement perfectly. 

Bringing Wilbur back would especially cheapen the impact of the War of the 16th. It’s the end of a man who was brought to the absolute edge and out of desperation, shame, and self-hatred, he destroyed himself alongside his creation. Bringing him back would leave the climax of the previous story hollow. My biggest issue, however, is that a lack of story importance would likely follow his return. 

The only real impact I’d like to see is through a healing arc with Tommy, an apology to Fundy, or a confrontation with Phil/Niki. But that’s really all the potential I can realistically see. While I don’t doubt Wilbur as an agent of chaos, able to create plot out of thin air; what is he going to do now? His country is gone, his friends and family are scattered about, and his mission from the 16th is already accomplished. 

What is a well-educated, charismatic politician supposed to do in a world already broken and without nations? Read poetry to himself and cry evilly? However, this is working off the assumption that Wilbur would be returning as his old self. 

If Wilbur is resurrected as a ‘villain’ of sorts, then what? He’s not good at fighting in the slightest. He would have no materials. There are no real allies he can make, other than the arctic group. On top of that, there are already more than enough villains to last a lifetime. 

We don’t need any more, I promise. Quackity seems to already be shaping up as another antagonist, alongside Sam’s slip into darker and darker shades of moral ambiguity. We also have Philza and Techno, which are already overkill. But then we have Dream who, despite being in a prison, has the ability of selective revival. This is mercilessly overpowered, especially if he makes many allies. The dude could just bring his dead friends back so they can keep fighting forever. 

Then there’s Jack Manifold and the Crimson followers; Antfrost, Bad, and Punz. That’s not even including characters who are refusing to get involved. How are Tommy, Tubbo, and Puffy expected to do literally anything to fight back?

Dream’s experiment on Tommy implies he had no backup plan to begin with. This makes his character seem both short-sighted and foolish.

When Tommy woke up after being brought back to life, Dream sounded surprised that the revival worked at all. This instantly shatters the perception that Dream was highly intelligent and thought ahead. With just a few lines of dialogue, it’s implied that Dream killed Tommy, unsure of if the resurrection would even be possible on humans. 

Which, to risk something that important, seems unbelievably stupid. Dream needs Tommy, from his perspective. Tommy is his ‘toy,’ the one who makes everything fun. If he lost him and couldn’t get him back, what then? Oh well, everything Dream was doing was all for nothing, I guess. 

Why not attempt this experiment on literally anyone else first? Like Sapnap or Bad or, hell, even Ranboo. I suppose it could be that, as soon as Dream got the book, he experimented with it after the 16th. This appears to be insinuated with Friend and Hendry’s revival, although this is uncertain. But even then, he was still unsure of the book’s effect on a human being.

Also, this means, hypothetically, Dream’s entire plan of escape hinged on the experiment working, to begin with, and also on bringing back Wilbur if it somehow did. I find this even more ridiculous. Why Wilbur? That man couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag, let alone get through the traps in Pandora’s Vault. Even if he is intelligent after years* in the afterlife, that’s also a strange assumption. 

How do people learn things in the void? Where do they even get this knowledge? I’d honestly argue Techno is a far more competent choice than Wilbur. And even if Dream did bring him back and tell him he owed him his life, what’s to stop Wilbur from just killing him permanently? Or killing himself, continuously? 

No way would Wilbur want to be controlled by anyone, ever. The dude would sooner fuck off into the mountains and become a nomad than help a neon green bodysuit cosplay as Light Yagami.

Dream’s discussion about Sam implies that he wasn't playing any part in Dream’s plan, making Sam appear entirely incompetent and neglectful of Tommy.

Dream talked about Sam in a way that seems detached and unaffiliated. He also mentioned him being broken up about Tommy’s fate and not being aware he’s still alive. Dream not being partnered with, or not using Sam in his plan leaves many plot holes. I’ll go through each one. The initial incident was an explosion, coming from the roof of Pandora’s Vault. This did not affect the Redstone mechanism for the doors or dispensers. 

Meaning, Sam could’ve had Tommy leave the way that was expected for visitors after he investigated and found no issues. This likely couldn’t have been done in less than a day, but it would be better than an entire week. If Tommy was required to stay for longer, due to protocol, he could’ve gotten Tommy out and then placed him in one of the minor cells for the remainder of the time. 

Also, no one else lost a canon life for leaving via the splash potion of harming and returning outside the maximum-security cell; why would Tommy? To add, Sam being uninvolved means that the explosion could have only been caused by Ranboo or Foolish. That, or it was placed long before and timed for the moment Tommy entered the main cell. (I’m going to ignore how ludicrous it is that someone would know the exact time Tommy would’ve entered the room with Dream.) 

If Ranboo was the person behind the detonation, this implies he was necessary for Dream to kill Tommy to test the book. But that makes it even stranger. If this was Dream’s goal all along, why not kill Tommy the instant he was trapped with him? It makes no sense for him to wait so long. 

Sam is also directly at fault for not letting Tommy out, even after the week was up. There was no reason not to. He already knew there were no issues with the prison at that point. Although, to be fair to Sam, his character may have been paranoid and checking everything more than necessary, just in case. But this still isn’t a good excuse for him ignoring protocol in this one instance, and yet, not in any of the others. 

All of these plot holes or inconsistencies would be removed if it was revealed that Dream was blackmailing Sam in some way, or Sam had been working with him since the get-go. That Sam was the person who set off the explosion in the first place to trap Tommy inside. It would also explain Sam’s refusal to let Tommy out and by keeping him in there for longer than necessary. 

This can also coexist with Sam’s attachment and care for Tommy. He probably wasn’t told about Dream’s plan to test the book and genuinely believed Dream wouldn’t hurt him. On top of that, Dream is known to be a pathological liar, so his statements about Ranboo and Sam could be entire fabrications. 

Who knows?

The Book of Revival invalidates death entirely. The narrative now lacks both tension and consequence.

Another way the Dream SMP differs from other storytelling media is in the way it goes about its character deaths. In a TV show, for example, there will be characters who die just because, or when it’s important to the plot. However, it seems as if the Dream SMP is hesitant to commit to killing its characters. And there are many reasons for that. 

The most important one being, killing someone’s character excludes them from the story and some of their livelihoods depend on them regularly streaming on the server. There is also the issue of the cast becoming extremely sparse if characters keep dying. Typically, in stories, when you kill a character, you should introduce another. 

This keeps the cast from dwindling as the storyline goes on. This means the writers would have to find new streamers to join, who will develop their own characters and relationships with the plot’s continued momentum. This can be stressful and daunting to those who may be newly added in the future. 

Keeping this in mind, the Book of Revival is annoying from a writer’s perspective. When death is no longer an issue for a story hinged on its characters’ mortality, then what do you have as a consequence anymore? We’ve explored every kind under the sun; from abuse, to betrayal, to loss, to destruction. 

In stories, traditionally, death is a finality. It’s a conclusion. Whether it’s good or not depends on the character’s actions, its build-up, and the event’s execution. Without this lingering sense of danger, tension evaporates from the story. 

Why should I care if Tommy loses in a fight to someone, if he’ll just come back a day later? Why should I care about what happened to Wilbur, if he just returns as if nothing happened? The answer is simple: I won’t. I will no longer care if Tubbo or Ranboo or Sam die in the story, because the idea of revival even being a possible outcome leaves me unenthused and uncaring. 

The Dream SMP likes to flirt with death. It teases the demise of its main characters many, many times. More so Tommy’s than anyone else’s. Wilbur’s failed resurrection, which had unforeseen and unfortunate outcomes, is now strange in comparison to Tommy’s, which happened without a hitch. 

To be fair, we actually don’t see how many attempts it took. But here’s the problem; Dream could do it without the book being physically present. He’s trapped in a prison with nothing on him, meaning he doesn’t need any materials either. It’s also implied he could do this as many times as he feels, for anyone he wants. This would be exceedingly overpowered, if not for one thing—Dream himself is mortal (at least, I fucking hope he’s mortal.) 

If someone kills him one last time, that knowledge is gone forever. And I’m glad they’ve established at least some way for Tommy to win. Because at this point, I was losing faith. 

There is also the bare minimum establishment that Dream can refuse to bring back those he doesn’t care for. He can also use it as a shield, holding this power over other people. If Dream is gone, death is permanent. But isn’t that how death is supposed to be, anyway? 

What a bleak premise—the afterlife is pure eternal torture while life is cheapened by a lack of consequences.

Conclusion

All this to say, I am cautiously optimistic for the future. I hope dearly that every single one of these can be disproven or developed in the coming livestreams. Obviously, there’s not enough information to really determine what the end result will be, or how everything will fall into place. 

Every time I have theorized about the story, it has done something completely different and pleasantly surprised me. I want this trend to continue. 

Surprise me again—I’ll be here to see where it goes.

[dissonantdreamer]

Do you think Dina knows everything? I mean like about Riley, Colorado, Salt Lake and stuff? I find it hard to think Ellie wouldn’t have told her by the time she left Dina and JJ

Putting this under the cut to save your feeds from my ramblin’s:

Personally, I don’t think Dina knows much by the farm. As much as we know Ellie loves Dina, opening up to her after everything that happened in Seattle, the brutal things she did, there is too much trauma, too much guilt. 

Based on some in game dialogue and some I venture that Ellie started mentioning things in small crumbs here and there on the road to Seattle. Trying to find a thread of why this happened other than Joel fucked over a lot of people. At this point she doesn’t know they are Fireflies, not until Nora, but I feel because of all that survivors guilt she has pent up there is a part of her that fears she had something to do with it. Even if she doesn’t know the exact reason.

However, the information she gives is limited to what she thought Dina needed to know. When we first see them on horseback Dina is pushing to get answers about who might be after Joel. The conversation feels like one they’ve had in varying degrees. I can’t see Ellie casually mentioning any of these things when Joel was alive. They kept to themselves pretty well. Joel constantly reminding her that giving away that kind of information could be dangerous. Now he is gone and Dina is here telling her, “you go, i go.” That she wasn’t going to ever leave Ellie to face the unknown alone. I can seen her opening up a little there. Dina knew of the cannibals and of the smugglers, her line of questioning seemed to indicate she didn’t have the whole story though. What makes me believe this is their conversation about Bill, she gives enough information to give Dina an idea but not enough to paint a picture. The conversation shifts when Ellie and Dina disagree on what keeps a person safe. Ellie believing solitude and secrecy keeps one alive longer while Dina points to community and openness. Ellie sees safety and death as a black and white situation, where Dina acknowledges the gray areas that come with survival in their world. Which is yet another good moment to highlight how differently they cope with their trauma. Ellie closing herself off to others and being wary of revealing too much, while Dina allowed herself to trust and be cared for in turn learning how to help herself so she can help others.

After the events of Seattle, starting around her brutal killing of Nora, Ellie closes off. The weight of losing Jesse, being the reason he is gone, I think that would set her back quite a bit. Her journal points to the fact that she doesn’t want to talk about things, that it would only hurt, equating those types of conversations to food poisoning before admitting to herself that if she started she wouldn’t be able to stop.

All this being said, I believe that if after Santa Barbara Dina takes Ellie back, there is no secrets. When they are both ready for it, I think she starts talking about everything and does not shut up until it’s all out. Gives Dina a timeline of life events Starting with Riley all the way up until the moment she came back to Jackson. Dina listens, and afterwards they process it together, over time Ellie opens up to her more and more about Riley, the trip with Joel, what kind of asshole Bill was, Tess, Sam, Henry, what David almost did to her, what happened in Salt Lake the first and the second time. All of it.

Those are my thoughts on it, but as always as Neil puts it, it’s up for interpretation.

thanks for the ask, anon! appreciate the ask