#everything sucks forever im in such a bad place rn

[tytopls]

.

[kimmkitsuragi]

hm

[dykevotions]

throws potion of infodump about ocs on you and runs away

RAUHHHH OKAY!!! USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THE MCRP DISEASE!!!! SPOILERS FOR APPLECRAFTERS AND BEASTS AHEAD. I GUESS

okaaayyyy so. first of all. not a spoilered characters. heres angelic and jacket. love them both so dearly.

they are QUEER!!!!!!!!!!! and a bit SILLY!!!!!!! their jobs are hanging out in my single player world and eventually going to hell (blood ocean) thats right baybe . the blood ocean is REAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways these guys are mainly . not even doomed yuri theyr just hanging out. i love them so muchhhh ^_^ guys who are hopelessly in love and make it everyone elses problem forever n ever

heres sltom. i have so many. i cant explain everything going on with her if i was given years. its literally so important to me. got put in a death game, died, came back to be put in another death game, died, forced to walk an abandoned world. theres so much happening with xem im gonna throw up. i made two webweaves for zem which. r very good. dog with blood around its mouth. she did all that shit but FAE DESERVED TO!!!!!!!! FOR THE RECORD!!!! god. i gotta explain whats wrong w vamp one of these days

heres sleepy!!! go to pvp guy. this is essentially "what if there was a guy who kind of sucked at fighting but did it a lot for fun" . not a lot to xem but xey are SOOOO silly. xey are kind of mean 2 xer friends . xey dont mean it though. well sometimes xey do

FRUITBAT!!! one of two of my animals in separate timeloops. working w their best friend (heyyyyyyy lav :3) to restore a ancient city that seems. oddly frozen. sculk freak (just likes it. a lot.) nerd ass guy. BAT HYBRID ASWELL I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT they love flying and doing stupid shit. divebombs people to say hi. love them so much. oh also in their timeloop theres regenerating skeletons that are growing meat but thats okay and normal!!!

this is dogboyyyy . theres not a lot to him. BUT. guy who lives in the nether. literally just a good person. comma. also gives like everything he earns to other people. for fun. hes silly and also stupid disease. holding him in my hands so gently

BUNNY!! OR SAT. LEAGUE TOM ! guy with a literal lunatic on its shoulder. made a conlang for it yesterday. can only communicate via animal crossing sounds (nonverbal autistic win!) and their conlang on signs.

the conlang as it stands rn. btw. they are so interesting. they have had like 2 mental breakdowns already because they were trying to communicate with people and they couldnt understand them. love this animal. holding it by the scruff. this guy wants to kill people so bad

SHEEPBOY !!!!!! OR FRI. LEAGUE TOM !! this is his second death game she did really well in the first one. they genuinely enjoy being in death games its like a sport to them. this is their american football . id call them nice most of the time however when they go red it gets. a bit insane. but thats normal for being bloodthirsty i think!!

this is f , or ftom, or whatever u wanna call them . they r worldbound BUT they r a hub world player so basically they just get to hang out. mostly in hypixel but sometimes the worldhoppers they know drag them around to other places which is fun fun fun !!!!!

this is yuri . bug in a timeloop !!!! it is. oh my god i love them SOOO MUCH. it is constantly digging this huge tunnel system which they live in and also. refuses to believe they are in a timeloop. it just "has memory problems and its just a STUPID prank. probably" . it is in fact a timeloop for the record.

OKAY THATS THE MC GUYS I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW ..... WALKS OFF INTO THE VOID

[nerves-nebula]

FR FR AND LIKE-

yeah he's a horny teenager but like, does he really have people he can not put up a "mask" around?? Like yeah he's kinda close to Power and Aki but they aren't the sort of people he can take time off a really process all the trauma he's been through too. (I mean Power very nonchallently speaks about him dying and like yeah Aki eventually warms up to him to some degree but they uhhh don't exactly have a process-trauma-help sort of relationship).

He, while now having access to food and human(?) interaction, isn't even in a safe environment! Of course he's going to rely on whatever keeps him going, even moreso when he never was in an environment that taught what society deems common knowledge. We don't know how much he knows about puberty or hormones, like he straight up was killing devils since he was a kid. That's not going to teach you how to not rely on instincts ya know?

Also I love the parallels between Power and Denji like idk I feel like Denji would be a lot more like Power if he hadn't been saddled with so much debt. They have a funky dynamic

arengkajerng you make so many good pointsss. So many people can take for granted having all these things that aren't necessarily a garuntee for many people and look down on those people for not having "basic knowledge", not realizing that they are the privileged ones! Like people not looking into his character just shows off people's privilege.

mannnn not to turn this into a rant but it's so frustrating sometimes to see people flaunt their privilege without even realizing it when it comes to having clean food and water and shelter growing up without the constant threat of something going wrong. (I mean it sucks to see people flaunt their privilege regardless but idk this is one that goes under the radar because a lot of people (fortunately!!) cannot relate).

And oof that hole sounds bad, and hopefully where you are now doesn't have a hole? I know it's not the same but at one of the houses I lived in we had to renovate the windows and in the middle-ish of winter I didn't have a bedroom window for 2 weeks. I'd get snowed on lol (there was another window but the wood was rotting so idk how effective it was lol. It didn't get replaced).

(i basically agree with everything u said and have nothing to add fdsfsdf so im just gonna address the last paragraph)

Our window got stuck open in the winter a few times and it was NOT good so that sucks man. reminds me of that one winter where our boiler died for what feels like forever and I just got super used to wearing multiple socks and layers of shirts/coats at all times. I'd fucgkin go to bed in a thick coat and everything, I think I made a game out of seeing how many socks I could wear at once before it became a hazard.

anyway I'm at college rn so, no ceiling hole! and when we're on break, I stay at my girlfriends place, which ALSO doesn't have a hole in the ceiling!

:D who coulda thunk it, i'm really living it up now huh?

[bansheeoftheforest]

Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

-

What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

-

I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

-

I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

--

Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

--

Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

[well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now]

Guess what just dropped in Obey Me.

I'll give you a hint: it starts with a ‘L’ and ends with a ‘39’...

Then again, you probably already know this, but just in case you don't...

In other news, I finally decided to go and complete Lesson 31, so yay me. Now I'm just gonna stay on Lesson 32 for a bit.

-Lesson 31 32 Anon

Proud of you for graduating past 31!!!👏💖

I played 39 and im sobbing?!? I already went through this bs why do I havta do it again!!!!? Also do you think lesson 40 will be the last lesson for a while?

Spoilers for 39 ahead cause I'm emotional and need to rant

So MC ends up at a party at diavolo's, he thanks them for saving Lucifer and the devildom (pretty sure that was all just simeon's doing but whatever) and says he's holding a party in their honour (really should be in Simeon's honour but whatever)

MC has a flashback about what happened after they woke up during the whole ring and speaking to Michael (and hopefully not God) thing. The rest of the brothers all rush in yelling, asking if MC is okay cause beel saw a light from the celestial realm coming from their room, Lucifer yells at them to shut up and they realise he's regained his memories

Mammon who's the first one who came in, arrived while yelling and asking if MC was alright, if they had died and if they had vanished....sure hope lesson 16 didn't leave any lasting scars there...

Back in the present time the brothers are crowding around MC and Lucifer. Belphie & Satan note how they'll miss Lucifer with amnesia and how they'll have to get back to pranking him. Asmo calls them out about actually caring about Lucifer.

Diavolo asks MC for a dance, and has one of those dialogues that make me think he'll be a romanceable character in the future. He tells MC how they're helping him bring the three worlds together and how they're his guiding light and how he wants them by his side forever, except before he finishes that last sentence the song ends and Luke cuts in. When MC tries to leave he grabs on to their hand, and you can either say 'ow that hurts' or ask him if he wants a second dance. If you choose the second he blushes and you dance again but he doesn't finish his sentence from earlier

The next morning Lucifer is nagging everyone even more than normal (possibly to make up for lost time) but at the same time he seems even closer with the brothers (asking about Levi's game and Asmo's crush)

On the way to rad MC meets up with the angels and Solomon. Solomon says that they'll have to be leaving soon to their own worlds (why!!!?) Luke and MC both get visibly bummed. They tease Luke and tell him he can live in the devildom if he wishes (he denies it) and Solomon asks MC if they want to leave MC can either say they don't wanna leave the brothers or 'the human world fuckinh sucks what the fuck have you been up there recently it's the worst' (since we got those 'hang in there' pandemic voice messages from the brothers can we assume that this game happens in the present? Y'all really wanna throw MC back out there?)

At rad MC tells this to asmo, beel and mammon (I imagine they do this while facedown on a desk cause that's the only appropriate response rn)

They're all upset and MC says they don't ever want to leave. The brothers tell them to go tell this to Diavolo after RAD.

MC goes and tells this to diavolo (in the presence of Lucifer & barbatos). Lucifer & diavolo aren't surprised and were both expecting this. They tell MC that they are happy that they made such lasting connections and that hey want them to stay as well (yesyesyes-) but (MOTHERFU-) MC is a human and belongs with the humans and that they don't have to leave immediately but that they have a life in the human world anhddjdidndjx do y'all not remember when they were moping around in the human world and how they literally jumped at the chance to come back down to the devildom with no preparation at all???? Y'all remember how asmo noted that they had got thinner after they came back????? Can you pls just ask them if they have anything worth going back to!?

Anyway MC's back home moping around in the library with Belphie and Levi. They tell MC that Lucifer & Diavolo are just playing hard to get and want MC to stay as well but think their positions mean they can't ask for it.

Belphie says that if MC can learn teleportation magic they could constantly drop down to the devildom

MC invites Solomon out to a fancy date and asks him to teach them teleportation magic. He tells them that though their raw magic power surpasses his, they don't have the skill yet and that he'll teach them but teleportation magic usually takes years to learn.

He tells them that usually when making pacts with demons they are done in the human world and a ritual must be conducted. At the end of the ritual a demon may give the human what is most dear to them and the human can use it as a token to summon the demon at any given time (while this is great and all I need my family feels and it'll probably not be practical to summon all 7 of them at a time....maybe MC can summon Lucifer and show him how bad life can be when you're (probably) someone in their mid twenties with no attachments or consistent job and he'll feel sorry for them and whisk them back home?)

Asmo had given Solomon is favourite picture of himself. Except back in their times cameras didn't exist so really it's a large portrait of himself. Solomon says it's a real problem (and I'm cackling, imagine bringing someone home and you have a -knowing asmo- giant probably vaguely sexual picture of some guy on your wall!!!?)

Back home MC meets Satan first (he's being crushed under a collapsed mountain of books after Lucifer told him to clean his room) MC helps him not die and clean his room. He gives them the body switch book (remember that!!!!) He says its power's all gone so it's basically worthless but he still treasures it because of what it did for him (I'm not crying!) He tells MC that even though they'll be able to summon him, he'll still miss them and that he won't be able to be with them when he wants to and it's all really sad and meaningful and I'm okay I swear. You get a choice to either kiss or hug him. Even if you choose to hug him he tells MC he wants to always be with them

Lucifer has asked asmo to throw out all the clothes he doesn't use (the reason lucfier is an undateable option to me is cause he reminds me too much of my own family) and now Asmo's struggling with 10 packed boxes of clothes. MC helps and asmo tells them that Solomon told him about everything. He tells them that he can't give the things dearest to him 'cause those things are himself and MC. MC suggests taking a picture together.

After taking pictures in his room they tell him that now they'll miss each other less and he gets teary eyed and tells them that as long as they're not with him he'll still miss them and he asks them to summon him whenever they want even if that means everyday, he asks them never to forget him (lucifer why the fuck are you putting your family and yourself through so much pain just let the human stay!) you get to stroke his hair and he says he'll miss not getting physical affection from MC whenever he wants to.

(There should probably be ways to get the option to kiss asmo and belphie but I couldn't get them in my first play through and I didn't want to immediately do all that again to check out other options)

MC finds Belphie hiding in the music room from Lucifer who has asked him to clean up the attic (imagine asking someone to clean up the place you locked them up in???? I mean ik Belphie likes the attic now but that's still all kinds of messed up)

MC and belphie head to the planetarium and watch the stars belphie says that MC has a look on their face that means they want to ask him something. You can either immediately dive into the whole summoning thing or tell him you want to be by his side forever. He tells MC about their stars, which he spoke about in s1, he tells them each of his brothers has a star and even though he lives with them when he comes and looks at their stars altogether he feels closer with them/like they're all together. So he gives MC his star. MC gets to say all these things about how they don't wanna leave him and wish they could stay together forever, they hold hands and there's this gorgeous visual & line of dialogue

And well that's it. If mc has to leave and if all the brothers' interactions are like this my heart will be well and truely broken

[straykats]

this or that:

cats or dogs?

winter or summer?

school or work?

pen or pencil?

dirt or sand?

movies or tv shows?

ice cream or froyo?

would you rather:

be blind or deaf?

have no legs or no arms?

live your current age forever or live a different age forever?

talk to your past self about something or see what someone elses point of view was on something in the past?

only know one language fluently or know 50+ languages but only at a beginners level?

+ random questions

what apocalypse/zombie apocalypse based movie/tv show do you think you could survive in? (examples: the maze runner, walking dead, black summer, z nation, the 100, attack on titan, etc.)

if you could make one fictional character someone real in your life who would you choose? (could be from a cartoon, tv show, movie, book, etc and if their being portrayed by a real person this is with the assumption that theyll both exist but be two completely different people who very strangely look EXACTLY alike lol)

once again, under the cut for length!! gonna ramble a bit too for each i am so sorry but tyvm

cats > dogs!!!!!!! i do love both but aHHHHHH ive accepted that i am a cat person. its weird but i used to feel pressured into saying im a dog person bc everyone i knew had a dog? and i never really had any contact w cats either so that explains a lil bit but !! KJADVKJDNVJKDNVKJ i want a cat so bad and theres a cat cafe in my city but its a bit car for me rip but im really eager to go at least once!! but cats are scary when u hold them bc they're so.. small.. inside.. like.. their skeleton.. so small... im so scared like they feel so fragile and i know they're capable but still

winter > summer !! i love the rain and i dont love the cold but i hate the heat (esp australian summers) so !!!! like eyah winter sucks when you bave plans but as someone who rarely has plans i am Okay With That. summer is wHACK because you can be in short sleeves and you'll still be so uncomfy like tmi maybe but yknow when u're in shorts or smth and u sit on a chair for too long and u stand up and its like peeling a sticker off tupperwear without the ripping bit??? yeah bruh summer aint it for me

school > work...? maybe? i'm unemployed (im looking but most places are like !!! experience needed !!!! babes im asking u for experience) so idk but i do enjoy learning (without the assessments etc) so??? but work doesnt seem too bad... if you're allowing a "neither" answer, i shall choose that.

pen < pencil. i think. pencils flow smoother? i use pen more because its clearer/easier to see and bc habit and also people dont accept pencil for documents and assignments so yknow. but writing with pencil is more satisfying for me.

dirt or sand? babes (wait i've called u babes a few times im sorry if youre uncomfy w that! if u want, lmk and i'll change it) what is this question i have never ever EVER encountered this question before. but.. i think... sand... i'm thinking of dirt as soil and sand combined so.. just sand..

movies or tv shows? OH MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN uh. depends? somethings are better as a movie and some are tv shows. i think i have more comfort/favourite tv shows as movies so maybe tv shows.. although i /am/ categorising anime and kdramas into tv shows.

ice cream > froyo. i havent had much froyo tbh but from the few times i have, i think i pref. ice cream..

would you rather:

be blind or deaf? blind. i enjoy listening to and find comfort in music way too much. I can also play instruments by ear and learn to adapt to not having sight so! i've grown up surrounded by music too much for me to not be able to have it in my life.

have no legs or no arms? no legs, i think.

live your current age forever or live a different age forever? different age lmaoooo but also i', saying this assuming that living my age forever or living a different age forever comes with the struggles of that age? i'm 19 rn and unemployed and have a few personal things going on and the expectations that are on me are a bit uhhh bc i can't exactly meet all of them so if i had to stay this age with my current experiences, i would rather a different age, one where everything is a bit more organised? but if i can stay 19 forever but still change my circumstances as time progresses then idm that.. so depends on what being a certain age forever means, if that makes sense.

talk to your past self about something or see what someone elses point of view was on something in the past?

only know one language fluently or know 50+ languages but only at a beginners level?

aw man im bilingual and i consider myself pretty fluent in both my languages (eng and viet), but viet im more fluent speaking than reading/writing? if i only knew english fluently (thus not being fluent in viet) i would be really disconnected because speaking viet is such a big part of who i am and my everyday life so its ahhhh... but 50 languages on a basic level...? how basic are we talking..? like conversational basic or like only knowing a few phrases? hm.

+ random questions

what apocalypse/zombie apocalypse based movie/tv show do you think you could survive in? (examples: the maze runner, walking dead, black summer, z nation, the 100, attack on titan, etc.) //// the maze runner maybe but only if we're including the first book/movie and i dont need to go into the maze LMAOOOO i aint got that ya protagonist energy in me. attack on titan... i'm not up to date so i've no idea whats going on in the recent season, but i don't think i could do that. the knowledge of titans on the other side of the wall would make me go bonkers HHAAHA. uhhh i can't think of any other apocalypse mvies/shows etc off the top of my head that i've watched/read so between tmr and aot, i would choose tmr, because at least then i wouldn't be aware of the outside world and i would believe being inside is all i have yknow? like even in aot if i believed that, the titans are too scary. im not saying those spider things in tmr arent scary but idk i'd jsut rather that AHAHA

if you could make one fictional character someone real in your life who would you choose? (could be from a cartoon, tv show, movie, book, etc and if their being portrayed by a real person this is with the assumption that theyll both exist but be two completely different people who very strangely look EXACTLY alike lol) // omg no stop i've like. this question always stresses me out wdym just one i have too many comfort characters ahfbhdbavkdhva BUT alec lightwood! ... as he is portrayed in the book, but with the appearance of matthew daddario. i just.. yeah. alec :(

ty for sending in these questions!!! i enjoyed going through them very much!!

[cloneslugs]

suic/de + self h*rm cw

ive been just listening to one song on repeat thinkinh about music produces who died specifically killed themselves and reading the comments on their songs afterwards we all really do love each other even if we dont know each other even if we've never met it's so easy to be sad over a life lost esp seeing it from someone your age.. and maybe we want to say it's only valued bc he put something out in the world but everyone contributes somehow someone out there is going to miss your music or your art or the jokes you tell or remember how kind you were once and even if they wont cry over you they're still gonna miss you even just a little when we hear someone died we send our regards we think about them we pray for them even when we didnt know them bc any life lost is sad and people feel sad and we love each other even when you dont feel loved even when you think nobody cares strangers will feel for you even the people who love you the wrong way will be moved bc they still loved you and idk it's weird people just miss things that are gone i think we all know life is precious and wonderful and sacred and good even if we dont think our own is which is hypocritical ig idk idk it feels weird sometimes sometimes i think i dont care about anything that im too apathetic and mean but i cry over a stranger dying i think i can do that for people closer idk i have a hard time thinking about now and the future i just avoid and run away from anything and dont care how it will bite me in the ass until its biting its such a shit habit im trying to fix idk

i feel so detached from everything and everyone i dont feel real sometimes not like a real friend or a real person or a real part of any family but ig whenever i wanted to die in the past it was never about whether people would be better off w/o me or not i just couldnt care less and maybe that's cruel not caring whether you hurt people or not but i cant even make myself care about being awful like that idk

i put things off bc i cant be bothered to care and everytime someone asks what im afraid of its something like "im afraid i'll never be happy" but that's not even true bc if i could live unhappily like this forever i probably wouldnt mind but it's the fact imso apathetic w life itself and the only thing im afraid of is disappointing people im not going anywhere in life bc i avoid thinking about my future bc i dont care but i do care about pissing off and disappointing everyone around me and i just get mad bc like i stopped caring forever ago idk how everyone could watch me give up on school senior year literally doing nothing and not caring and not one person reached out the summer before senior year i tried to kill myself and all i got was my parents saying its cruel to want to hurt yourself when people love you and awkwardly asking how im feeling the next few weeks after it felt so stupid having them corner me to talk and asking if i ever thought of hurting myself when i was wearing a hoodie in the middle of the summer bc i actually this is too embarrassing to say but whatever

i just feel like such a failure rn ik im not and im actually okay w putting stuff off to start at a later date even though it's all happening bc im a loser who cant care enough to get easy things done but the thought of telling [people] and disappointing them/pissing them off is too scary to me idk what im gonna do i always get an urge to just run away from my problems but that's stupid idk how to tell people i just dont have any passion or motivation bc i just suck sorry i keep telling myself to try harder but i dont idk how to start caring about my life bc i dont think people wi take it as an excuse to say "sorry i cant be bothered to care about my future bc frankly i wouldnt mind if i was just hit by a truck tomorrow or any day now" idk i keep trying to be better about things and like i said idrc that im starting even slower than im already going i just dont have excuses for why and ik nobody is gonna listen to them anyway i think i just wish i had parents i could talk to even if we just fought or something theres just no communication

idk im not in a bad place tbh im not thinking about killing myself or disappearing or anything im just sad w myself im always disappointing myself and setting myself up in bad situations on purpose for no reason other than idk somethings wrong w me or something im not that worried about my distant future ik it will all be okay my chest has just been really tight and sad lately and ive been thinking a lot none of this is anything serious or anything that needs to be worried about

[viiolences]

     (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ     🍓 🌼 🍒     *     here  .  .  .  have  some  cute  emojis  to  pretend  tumblr  isn’t  an  absolute  hell  hole  rn  !!  my  name  is  vic  (  she  /  her  )  ,  i’m  nineteen  &  will  be  here  every  step  of  the  way  to  keysmash  in  ur  ims  .  .  .  please  bear  w/  me  .  im  tragically  unprepared  but  hit  the  lil  heart  &  i’ll  message  u  for  plots  !!

*     basics     ,  

name  :  viola  jane  soo  .

korean  name  :  soo  bora  .

age  :  twenty  four  .

gender  :  cis  female  .

sexuality  :  bisexual  .

occupation  :  director  /  screenwriter  .

height  :  160  cm  .

fc  :  im  nayeon  .

*     digging     deeper     ,

a  world  watched  cautiously  through  a  tinted  lens  ,  never  to  see  its  true  colors  ;  a  crashing  wave  of  reality  coming  in  to  soothe  a  hand  that’s  finally  been  let  go  of  ;  the  kiss  you  leave  on  a  stranger’s  lips  ,   begging  them  to  love  you  ,  at  least  until  sunrise  .

the  soos  live  in  the  prettiest  house  on  their  street  ,  oozing  a  studied  elegance  their  youngest  daughter  could  never  live  up  to  :  viola  was  clumsy  and  sweet  ,  would  cling  to  anyone  who’d  hold  her  hand  ,  forever  hungry  for  affection  .  but  neglected  children  don’t  wear  designer  dresses  ,  they  don’t  take  piano  lessons  every  saturday  ,  they  don’t  smile  this  bright  ---------  barely  saw  her  parents  growing  up  ,  left  at  the  mercy  of  her  siblings  ,  all  preoccupied  with  their  own  lives  ,  little  viola  would  spend  most  of  her  days  at  her  friends’  houses  ,  finding  a  shred  of  parental  love  in  their  families  .  

almost  too  soft  for  her  own  good  ,  walked  through  life  with  a  toothy  smile  ,  desperate  to  believe  there  was  good  in  everyone  ;  was  easy  to  take  advantage  of  ,  got  picked  on  by  kids  tougher  and  stronger  than  her  .  but  she  only  grew  kinder  ,  never  learned  to  fight  for  herself  ,  always  turned  the  other  cheek  .  .  .  then  ran  home  crying  ,  only  to  be  welcomed  by  silence  .  silence  became  screaming  matches  when  she  was  in  middle  school  ,  her  parents’  marriage  falling  apart  with  her  older  siblings  off  to  college  .  viola’s  mother  used  her  as  a  shield  ,  the  reason  for  her  father  to  stay  .  she  became  collateral  damage  in  a  vicious  war  ,  her  own  living  room  the  battle  ground  .

started  recording  with  her  father’s  old  vhs  camera  to  distance  herself  from  the  world  around  her  :  it  always  seemed  more  beautiful  through  a  lens  ,  a  sweeter  place  .  by  high  school  she  was  already  putting  together  short  films  &  constantly  recording  her  friends  ,  too  .  it  was  the  best  possible  escape  ,  a  souvenir  she  could  keep  forever  .  hid  her  own  feelings  behind  the  words  of  characters  she  created  in  her  head  ,  every  story  to  this  day  extremely  personal  .  

could  have  easily  been  seen  as  the  baby  of  the  group  ,  extremely  dependent  on  her  friends  and  always  cautious  of  her  surroundings  .  she  was  the  one  always  tugging  at  someone’s  sleeve  ,  the  designated  driver  ,  the  person  who  spent  most  of  the  party  playing  with  the  host’s  dog  .  she  was  cheerful  and  loyal  ,  but  clingy  and  often  insecure  ,  always  needed  reminding  that  she’s  loved  .  always  had  a  crush  on  someone  ,  almost  addicted  to  pining  over  someone  who  doesn’t  care  for  her  in  the  slightest  .  her  sexuality  was  causing  her  a  lot  of  confusion  ,  too  ,  often  compensating  her  newfound  attraction  to  women  by  trying  way  too  hard  to  get  attention  from  boys  .

her  parents  absolutely  hated  her  decision  to  study  film  ,  her  mother  going  as  far  as  burning  all  of  viola’s  tapes  shortly  before  she  left  for  college  :  years  upon  years  of  footage  ,  only  some  of  it  stored  digitally  ,  gone  in  the  blink  of  an  eye  .  something  broke  in  viola  then  and  she  realized  something  she’s  been  trying  to  avoid  her  entire  life  :  that  she  hates  her  mother  ,  that  she  never  felt  loved  by  her  ,  that  she  survived  years  upon  years  of  quiet  abuse  without  ever  saying  a  word  .  a  hopeless  romantic  grew  thicker  skin  overnight  ,  came  to  los  angeles  without  a  smile  on  her  face  but  with  a  drive  ,  a  smothering  need  to  prove  to  her  family  that  she’s  worth  so  much  more  than  they  think  .

cut  all  ties  with  her  mother  and  hasn’t  been  back  home  since  ,  sees  her  father  and  siblings  sometimes  when  they’re  in  california  for  bussiness  .  film  school  was  so  good  for  her  ,  though  :  she  was  finally  free  of  her  mother’s  watchful  eyes  ,  didn’t  have  to  meet  her  expectations  .  her  student  film  (  still  life  )  got  really  good  reviews  and  painted  her  as  a  director  to  watch  .  her  debut  (  honeysuckle  )  premiered  at  sundance  (  a  lot  of  it  thanks  to  her  proffessors’  connections  but  shh  )  and  was  very  well  received  .  her  third  movie  is  set  to  premiere  later  in  the  year  !!  and  she’s  excited  !!  she  loves  what  she  does  !!

coming  back  home  for  the  first  time  in  six  years  is  not  a  pleasant  experience  for  viola  ,  all  her  good  memories  of  this  place  burned  with  the  tapes  ,  everything  a  reminder  of  how  weak  she  used  to  be  .  she’s  almost  embarrassed  of  it  ,  that  tenderness  she  once  had  .  

*     with  bella     ,

everybody  knew  viola  was  completely  in  love  with  bella  ,  perhaps  even  before  viola  realized  it  herself  .  still  clueless  ,  only  wrapping  her  head  around  the  fact  she  likes  girls  ,  viola  was  completely  in  awe  of  the  other  girl  ,  who  i  imagine  loved  the  attention  ,  perhaps  even  flirted  with  her  sometimes  just  to  see  her  blush  .  they  were  never  extremely  close  ,  but  viola  created  an  image  of  bella  in  her  mind  that  she  held  onto  for  months  .

*     extras     ,

was  always  running  around  with  a  camera  when  they  were  younger  !!  like  every  little  outing  was  documented  ??  we  love  a  vlogger

has  a  samoyed  puppy  named  cherry  whom  she  loves  and  she  brought  him  along  bc  she  couldnt  bear  to  leave  him  alone  in  la

literally  renting  out  an  airbnb  bc  she  refuses  to  stay  with  her  parents

loves  baking  but  she’s  really  bad  at  it  but  it  gets  her  so  excited  nd  she’ll  give  her  friends  cupcakes  please  dont  tell  her  they  suck  !!!

nails  always  painted  rly  nicely  she  goes  to  a  salon  to  do  cute  nail  art  once  a  month

deep  down  still  a  hopeless  romantic  dnt  let  her  fool  u

*     wcs     ,

lifelong  best  friend  /  love  interest  :  on  the  main  .

someone  she  wasn’t  close  with  before  but  met  again  at  uni  and  they  hit  it  off

a  bad  influence  when  they  were  younger

FIRST  KISS

 ffhdjgjg  puppy  love  please

a  sibling  figure

someone  whose  parents  noticed  she  was  alone  a  lot  when  she  was  a  kid  and  kind  of  took  her  in  whenever  she  needed  a  place  to  go  after  school

someone  who  remembers  how  soft  she  was  but  they  fell  out  of  touch  nd  they  just  cant  understand  why  she’s  suddenly , , , so  cold

one  of  her  thousands  of  crushes

um  , ,,  , met  again  like  three  years  after  graduation  in  a  bar  somewhere , , ,  a  one  night  stand  please

exes  but  like  break  my  heart  please

anything  u  might  have  in  mind !!!

[gcnnerpaxton]

bri again making a terrible decision. do i need a fourth? no.......... bt here we are anyway. after this i promise im done fr a while bt :/ i lov this lil bitch so here we are........ give this a like if u wld b Down to Clown w him aka plot!

「axel auriant & cismale」⇾ paxton , gunner, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a leo and 22 years old. he is studying film, living off campus and can be loyal, resilient, anxious & indifferent. when i see him i am reminded of curling up in bed for days in a hello kitty comfort shirt, the click of a camera shutter & hand-me-down’s two sizes too big.

pinterest is HERE.

TW’S FOR ABUSE, VIOLENCE, MISSING CHILD, KIDNAPPING, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, AND INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA BELOW!

stats.

name: gunner brick paxton.

age: twenty-two.

gender identity: cis-male.

pronouns: he/him.

sexuality: demisexual.

birthday: july 31, 1998.

star sign: leo.

myers-briggs: istj.

year of study: senior.

major: film.

occupation: librarian.

place of birth: laramie, wyoming.

religion: catholic (non-practicing).

background.

neen jst brought in gunner’s older brother so fr those who read elias’ bio u kno tht gunner is the middle paxton child w eli being the oldest n then they have wyatt who is the youngest!!

they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved

the trailer was so small that all 3 boys ended up sharing a room, gunner and wyatt sharing a bunk bed bc they cldnt fit 3 beds into one room it really was every childs nightmare bt they quickly grew used to it tbh

gunner was always more of an artsy child than invested in sports - though he does enjoy baseball and continued even to this day after their dad made him join SOMETHING in middle school - so he never rly earned their father’s respect, but he was always close with his mom since they had the same calm temperament

DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TW - he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder - DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TW END

VIOLENCE/ABUSE TW - their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it to their dad - VIOLENCE/ABUSE TW END

MISSING CHILD/KIDNAPPING TW - wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there

ANXIETY/DEPRESSION TW - high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping - MISSING CHILD/KIDNAPPING/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION TW END

the two years that gunner was at home after elias finally left for school were basically torture and as soon as he could, he was falling his brother’s footsteps in getting out of wyoming to go to school at radcliffe

INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW -  things are far better now that they’re out of their home situation, but gunner’s going through some more things personally now; the paxton’s were raised in an incredibly religious household, and he’s got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that he’s not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt he’s sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly - INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW END

he’s also ‘dealing’ rn which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight between him and eli all things considering, and with the amount of meds he’s on, plus incredibly frequent doctor’s visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so he’s cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!

details.

is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic

u can catch him n eli strutting around campus w matching epipen holders tht he got them fr eli’s 16th bday JKSDNGKLHSDGLK

if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times

n to make matters even WORSE he frequently has dizzy spells n bad memory problems bc of all the concussions he’s suffered from (about 8-9 at this point) as well as consistent migraines that can b literally debilitating sometimes

awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like if it weren’t fr eli he wld probably have one (1) friend he jst cnt converse w ppl

didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 2 minutes, just extremely weird and specific things

can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl he’s not close w/doesn’t kno has told ppl to their face before he doesn’t enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms

loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after

update about his summer away: ended up heading to nyc fr a film internship n actually had a rly good time??? fr once?? jst had a rly nice summer fling after being a bit heartbroken throughout the school year it was jst a rly necessary n fulfilling summer fr him king of getting wht he finally deserves

this also led him to b like . oh maybe i’m Not broken bc he doesn’t realize........... demisexuality is a thing n wld get rly awkward during hookups a lot if hes jst not 100% comfortable w the person so now he thinks hes like a one man machine who actually has some Self Esteem n thinks he can have Sexual Relations all day every day (he cannot)

connections.

ppl who buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms KJSHDGKLHSDLG

other film majors :-)

some friends………. hes awkward bt he means well…………

a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht gunner actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)

ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat

some enemies tbh much like elias he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG

a muse….. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects

awkward past hook ups maybe some current ones teehee

anything Ur Heart Desires

[drabblesanddreams]

Sun- Dazai Osamu x reader (2/3)

Hey everyone, i literally just wrote this rn as i wanteed to get it up for Dazai’s birthday! Its Dazai’s point of view towards you in ‘moon’! A third part will be coming out in what happens at the end :)) You dont necessarily need to read the first part but if yall want to than its here. ill prolly edit this later

Part 1       Part 3

**UPDATE** edited!! im so sorry yall had to read that..thing before lolol it sucked ass im sorry

word count: 1.5k

warnings: none

summary: Dazais thoughts towards you

Dazai remembered the night he left the Port Mafia. More specifically, he remembered the night he left you. 

But he also remembered the first time he met you.

The memory of you resurfaces in his complex mind, your visage crystal clear like the waters of the lake outside of Yokohama.

His mind is always so sharp, so easy to grasp onto any ideas or concepts and store them away in his head, like a filing cabinet. It was one of the perks of his intelligence he supposes. So, when he shuts his eyes, let his eyelashes flutter and focus on the meeting that occurred between you two 8 years ago, the memory comes easy.

He remembered you standing before Mori, a mere child that was certainly younger than him. You stood beside an older woman, Dazai correctly assumed at the time that she was a relative of sorts judging by the similar features. You barely spoke a word and stood quietly for almost the entire meeting between the woman and Mori. As Mori’s prodigy, Dazai was usually around him especially after the death of the last Port Mafia’s boss.

It turns out this woman was bartering for her life in exchange for an object, and it turns out you were that object. She spoke of your ability, the possibilities and uses of it. In the end, Mori had agreed to the deal and decided to take you in. 

After all, another member was not a bad thing and if you proved to be a hindrance, you’d just simply be eliminated. Your relative was clearly happy at the outcome, but it didn’t matter that much seeing how Mori had her killed not long after the meeting.

You were such a meek and small child, Dazai couldn’t understand what use you’d be.

Dazai quickly lost interest in you, finding you to be another example of the basicity of the human race. Your actions were predictable, your reactions, your movements, you were just another piece that had been added to his chess board, a pawn if he’d like to name you.

Dazai didn’t see you for weeks afterwards, or perhaps he did but you quickly blended into the background with your quietness. 

The next time he saw you, you were sporting a bruise across your jaw, no doubt a result from training with your mentor. Everyone had just been exiting the meeting that had just taken place when someone called something out to you, your back had instantly stiffened.

He remembered watching you turn around to see who had said the mindless comment. The man who delivered the comment smiled smugly at your reaction, before continuing his words that hinted towards your weak and amicable nature.

 The emotion flashed across your face openly, a tightening of the jaw, furrowed eyebrows and clenching fists. Dazai thought you were just going to continue walking and so he almost turned away.

 That was one of his first incorrect judgements about you, because not a second later you knocked the man down and started delivering punches to his face. 

Of course, your attacks barely lasted as the man had quickly overturned the situation, seeing as he was older and heavier.

Dazai had witnessed this with a single thought, just how far could your kind nature be pushed, and if so, what are the most severe consequences that could arise from you snapping.

For the next several months that followed, he developed a friendship with you, at least that’s what you thought. He knew you were completely wrapped around his finger, seeing as you really didn’t have any other friends. 

Children were easy like that, he thought, you just had to give them the slightest taste of belonging and they will latch on for however long you need them to be.

Dazai knew his actions were wrong, but his sadistic nature always won, and he didn’t really care for what was right or wrong back then. It took nearly a year for you to put the pieces together, and when you did you were hesitant to ever talk to him again. You were fearful of him, Dazai supposed.

What he didn’t expect was that not long afterwards, you continued to stick around him. At that time, something shifted in you no doubt a consequence from the lessons from your mentor as well as Dazai’s influence. You were quickly learning that if one had to survive in the port mafia, you had to be deceitful and smart. No one was better at that than himself, so you quickly developed a not so secret admiration towards him.

The following years that followed were ones where he took careful observations of you. You clung onto strong beliefs and always answered injustice with the justice that was supposed to be carried out by the port mafia. 

Dazai quickly realized you were a contradiction, your determining in what was right and wrong was not necessarily what was inherently right or wrong. Sometimes you killed people who were more innocent than the ones you let roam free.

When you met Chuuya, Dazai didn’t realize how possessive he really was of you. The two of you always bickered like siblings and Chuuya was always opposite at showing affection towards you compared to himself. 

Dazai was always careful about his actions. He would draw a blanket over your unconscious body when your ability had lulled you into a deep sleep.

 If something was bothering you, he would manipulate everything behind the scenes so that you weren’t any longer. Advice he’d deliver to you contained words that had an underlying meaning that you were learning to pick out. 

Chuuya, on the other hand, would swing an arm around your shoulders, openly ask if you were hurt and would ruffle your hair annoyingly.

Dazai hated that you were so easily affectionate in return.

He also didn’t realize how much you had grown on him, how he always found something interesting about your nature every day.

It was until he was having one of his break downs that something changed between you two.

You grabbed his wrist, effectively halting his movements. his laughter ceased then, a defining silence overtaking your surroundings. Dazai let the smile slowly fall off his face and all that was left was his blank, cold stare.

The darkness in him was forever present, nothing could change that. It swallowed him up openly and left him aching for something that he couldn’t name.

 Dazai couldn’t understand, he probably wouldn’t understand ever the futility of his entire existence. He committed many crimes his time in the mafia and it seemed as if his perpetual sentence was to ponder his place in the world. He clearly couldn’t find it in the mafia.

Letting his faraway gaze linger forward, you stepped around his arm and stood on your tip toes. This movement did nothing to break his stare as you paused your own movements for a moment, observing him. Licking your lips, you reached forwards and wrapped your arms around him.

Being careful to not hold him too tight, you felt his body stiffen briefly before feeling his right arm come back down to his side.

 The gun dropped to the ground with a clang and you squeezed your eyes tight before opening them again. Then, you felt Dazai wrap his own arms around your petite form, squeezing tightly as if you might disappear into thin air.

 His head buried itself in the crook of your neck and you let one hand card through his hair gently.

The last few years that followed, an unspoken thing that occurred between the two of you. Nothing was ever said or done between the both of you but you both had a mutual understanding of sorts. 

It didn’t matter what girl he took to bed; you were scorned upon his heart.

His subtle affections towards you developed into a duty of care. So the night his world had turned upside down and he left the mafia, he decided not to take you with him.

Not only were you beginning to be dangerously attached to him, but you would also be in more danger than him if you left. He knew that as he was still trying to figure his place in his world, you were going to have to as well.

But this was something you had to do without him. 

The contradiction and lies you lived with the desperate clinging of your kind nature had to be resolved by you alone. The port mafia was no place for a personality like that so you either had to change or leave on your own accord.

Seeing you now, with that barely hidden shocked expression caused Dazai to feel a twinge of some emotion he hadn’t felt in years. Your hair had grown out considerably, you were taller now as well. But the guarded look in your eyes accompanied by the bags under your eyes and careful stance told him what choice you made in the end. Dazai let his eyes meet yours,

“Hello, (y/n)”

[killcommander]

yo give me the directors commentary on the part of fsau where karolina comes out to nico and basically that whole chapter. i’m the anon who went back and read it because it made me Feel Things and i love that chapter and fic sm

okay this has been sitting in my inbox forever lets get to it gays here is my director’s commentary on ch 13:

- this first part of the chapter was about some mad self-insert vibes for two reasons: that one well-meaning friend who just won’t stop forcing the issue about lgbt stuff (like coming out or a crush) and of course the dreaded coming out to your parents. i was just writing from a place of trying to process my own shit so im glad people found is ~relatable~

- im not gonna lie to y’all after s2 of runaways i lowkey regret making leslie such a shitty person since they appear to be going the redemption arc route in the show but oh well this is what we’ve got and sometimes bad people are just bad people and don’t deserve to be painted in a kinder light, ya know?

- i just really liked the idea of karolina having all this build up inside her and finally being like okay mom you really suck and quite honestly im not sure things between us could get much worse so here we fucking go i like WOMEN-- like i relate to that on such a deep level: everything else seems to seemingly be going so well and deep down due to anything (grief, insecurity, this sudden self-reflection of accepting this part of yourself, having others around you accept it, and knowing the people who have raised you are gonna be upset), things are NOT going well and these people don’t see it at all and it’s so goddamn frustrating idk if that made ANY sense i am supremely over-caffeinated rn

- i mean i think such a huge theme of this fic in general has been realizing the people you’ve been conditioned to think are infallible are in fact NOT and how complicated that can be and the guilt that comes with that realization, even though you rationally know you shouldn’t feel guilty

- i think karolina’s choosing to seek out nico in such a vulnerable moment is a catalyst for both of them and realizing indeed that there is now a deep trust between them and whatever this relationship between them is morphing into and then combine it with nico not being able to function over how hot karolina is and i just think that’s neat

- this chapter is literally the epitome of that onion article “relationship is definitely hurtling toward something” and i thought about that a lot while writing chapters 13 and 14

and there’s your director’s commentary pls ask more questions as i sit here and plan out the next chapter

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 16

in which murphy nearly cries AGAIN over this fic AGAIN

Cinder didn't say anything. She returned that searching look, like she was wanting something too, like she believed Glynda held some key for her own soul.

HELP ME PLEASE GOD HELP

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i GUESS WE HAVE THIS CHAPTER TOO. I GUESS. OH MY GOD. IM GONNA SCREAM.

we’re opening with florence + the machine lyrics and i LOVE me some florence which is the only thing helping me cope rn but HERE WE GO. WE JUST HAD PAIN. NOW IT’S TIME FOR. MORE, PROBABLY.

The room was cast in filtered blues that seemed to drown all other color, an abyss of night that stole the reds of Cinder’s dress, smothering her in wine-violet.

i once made an offal hunt bingo card that i should have been using the entire time (whoops) but add ‘colour theory’ to it somewhere. and also because i see violet i see glyndas colour am i onto smthng here,

ALSO:

She hadn't said a word beyond what was strictly necessary through the entire ride up to her little apartment.

glynda... have u been invited into a lady’s apartment,,,,,,,,, GLYN,,,,,,,,,, HAVE U PULLED,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, G L Y N D

The lights reflected in her eyes in discs, like screens, like cat’s eyes—shockingly yellow in all the somber blue.

OH

FUCK YEAH

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S GLOWY EYES HOURS FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

i have been WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT for like FOREVER oooooooh my god yes. YES. cinder yr PRETTY EYES. i love her. did i mention that. because i do,

Glynda had heard of Faunus taking blades to themselves, to try and hide their features and escape the ever-present eye of human oppression. To cut away ears and horns and tails, shearing parts of their own bodies in a desperate break for freedom.

i want to say something thats VERY 👈😢👈 because i. hrm. dont worry abt it. im filing it away. like glynda is. but in a sadder context.

‘whats sadder than this?’

dont ask,

That couldn’t happen. Glynda didn’t want that to happen. No matter the risk. No matter how Cinder would lash out.

OUGH,,, glynda if u start 2 care then cinder will start 2 care and thats a one way ticket on the pain train to gaytown. i, for one, am thrilled,

The response on Glynda’s tongue withered as Cinder, with little fanfare, lifted her dress over her head and laid it haphazardly across the dresser. When Cinder turned back around, the faint sliver of light found purchase in the thin chain around her neck and the jade pendant laid against her bare chest.

OH

OH SHIT

/crashing sounds

MA’AM,

im having to take a minute just give me a minute please give me a m in u te

It was impossible to tell whether Cinder noticed her sliding out to the left of her own body.

glynda, but slightly to the left,

HONESTLY ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO??????????????????? MA’AM

this bed sharing is the straw thats gonna break the murphy’s back. this is it. im gonna die.

Mindfully slow in the darkness, Glynda walked to the other side of the bed, folded her glasses onto the nightstand, and slid under the covers next to Cinder. A small space existed between them. Glynda’s heart thumped in her chest as she tried to discern even the slightest motion from Cinder at her back. Proximity made her dizzy with warmth.

im not even able to comment on like specific instances because im as LOST AS GLYNDA IS RN,,,, WHAT,,,, HELLO?????????????? GLYNDA. THEYRE

THE BED

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Glynda jostled her shoulder. “Are you awake? Cinder?”

“You’re not giving me much of a choice,” Cinder said, unmoving.

og offal hunt COULD never DID never WOULD never i am absolutely going fucking ape shitt crazy feral rn. holy shit. holy shit. lads. the bed. the bed. theyre in the bed. you. whats going on.

“I know,” Glynda agreed. “You’re kind of a menace.”

Cinder was silent. In hindsight, that hadn’t come out as encouragingly as Glynda meant.

hsdjgfsgdf if this is what its like when these two are. semi-enemies. can u imagine what it’ll be like when theyre dating

(i can)

“If I showed up on Sienna Khan’s doorstep with an army behind me, she’d demand to know what took me so long to come home.” Cinder’s eyes were burning coals lodged in the sockets of her shadowed, furious face. “Fuck her. Fuck all of them.” She paused only for breath. “It’s been years—decades—and they still think—”

GOD. THE LORE!!!!!!!!!!! i am SO interested in cinders backstory and this version is rly just going wild. going hoggie wild on this shit. what the hell happened. why did it happen????????? whats going on?????? CINDER... TELL US MORE...

She was furious, like a cornered and wounded Grimm; furious, and hungry for violence.

👈😔👈

“If there is, bring me with you.”

“You?”

“Yeah.”

this is some poetic cinema. this is some soft and tender shit. i want to cry. why is this SO good.

Something small and charmed crawled out of the hollow of Cinder’s expression: the flicker of a smile, for just a moment. She said softly, “We weren’t all born with ancient souls, Glynda. Some of us were lucky to be born at all.”

👈👈👈😭😔😞👈👈👈

this is so soft. im absolutely dying. im going to die. take me out.

It must have been the room, or the night, or air, or—something—that made Glynda admit, “I wish—that I felt that way.” At the expectant silence that followed, Glynda swallowed and continued, “Not—not with the White Fang. Just… I wish that it felt like everything had been leading to something. That everything in my life was worth it.”

Cinder was very quiet.

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING. DIESEL. KC. I WILL PERSONALLY BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSES OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh this sucks SO MUCH MORE when you KNOW THINGS(tm) ABOUT THINGS and ooooooooooooooooh my god im literally gonna fuckin die oh my GOD STOP!!!! STOP I HATE IT

It was like swallowing water and holding it in her lungs. She hated how it hurt. But she would rather that than drive Cinder away. She would rather anything than be alone right now.

the good news: this edition of offal hunt is so much more potent abt everything. EVERYTHING feels more vibrant and more real and more interesting and more... everything. and its GREAT i adore it

the bad news: im fucking sobbing

“Ten,” Glynda said. “I enrolled at Beacon when I was twelve.”

okay this is still a very sad moment but also can you fucking imagine rolling up to class at 17 and seeing a literal 12 year old look you in the eye and go ‘you know i can tutor you if you need extra help’. id be fucking livid. who is this square,

Instead, Cinder dared nearer, smoothing a stray lock of hair behind Glynda’s ear. It was an oddly comforting gesture, coming from her. Glynda’s heart stalled in her chest and Cinder, ignoring it, said, “I know it meant a lot to you. That he meant a lot to you.”

me, pointing: this is it ladies and gents and beans. this is it. cinder’s gone and done it now. i can feel it on the wind. here it is. there it goes.

“What is your destiny?” Glynda asked, feeling bolder than before.

The fingers brushing hair behind Glynda’s ear stalled. Cinder’s palm laid warm against Glynda’s high, sharp cheekbone. Something stuttered and then leapt between them, and Glynda’s face went hot when Cinder whispered, “You.”

“Me?”

“We were born in the same year. You couldn’t have known that—that we’re the same age.” Cinder paused and withdrew her hand, tucking it against her own chest. “But my mother felt it. I always knew.”

Glynda didn’t begin to know how to respond.

“We were born in the same year,” Cinder repeated, almost as if to remind herself, like swearing an oath. “We’ve always been each other’s destiny.”

“I always thought it was my destiny to die,” Glynda finally admitted. “Just like my mothers.”

“No,” Cinder said, distantly. “No, it isn’t.”

okay its bad form to grab SUCH a huge section to like bring attention to it but this is. so much. not just from a fucking offal veteran perspective but SO much more too. like this section is just IT its the CORE of the THING!!!!!! and i wish i could go into why hooooooooooooly shit this bit is just. It(tm) but thats a spoiler so i will settle for this

👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈😭😭😭😭😭😭😔😔😔😔😞😞😞😢😢😢😢😢😨😨😨😨👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈

cinder’s last line? has me on the FLOOR. THE FLOOR.

When Glynda asked Cinder what her destiny was, Cinder had said you.  

The echo of it was butterflies in Glynda’s stomach.

im losing it. ima bsolutely beside myself

An unfamiliar tension lined Glynda, one she couldn't name or place or recognize. It choked up her throat and clogged her lungs with some unfathomable longing, but for what, she could not place. She looked at Cinder, studying every part of her face, and knew she was studied in turn; Cinder’s lips parted slightly as if she was about to speak, but she said nothing in the end.

But even without speaking, Glynda felt like she’d found an answer to a question she hadn’t had the courage to ask.

OOF. GOD. IM. AH. SHIT. C H R I S T.

i know that this is. [redacted]. and things. and that this is gonna turn into a chapter i look back on and WINCE at when [redacted] and [spoilers] happen but ooooooooooh my goooooooooooooooooood im dying. im outtie. goodbye. rip. fuck me.

[kvndeathmusic]

my favorite records of the 2010s pt 1 (the less great stuff/honorable mentions)

Neither this post or its followup are going to be in any particular order, however all the records I talk about here are, in my opinion, not as good as the records i will talk about in my part 2. they’re all fantastic but these ones slightly a little less fantastic than the ones in my “top 10″. none of this is based on stuff like 'influence' or whatever other critics base their lists on, this is solely how much I enjoyed these records. And keep in mind, I'm only human, I havent listened to a good lot of records I've heard others describe as top 10 worthy, these are just records I found and that I resonate with. long post ahead. 

Vacation - Bomb the Music Industry (2011)

If you asked me what my favorite band is i will either say bomb the music industry or jeff rosenstock, but considering those are pretty much the same things it doesnt matter lol. While Vacation isnt a perfect record, it is one I love. It lacks some of the ska elements that I love about earlier BTMI records, but at the same time, it is the first record where Jeff’s “””solo””” career sound starts to form in tracks like Sick, Later, Hurricane Waves, Everybody That You Love, Everybody That Loves You, and Vocal Coach. And these tracks are all fantastic, especially the absolutely explosive opener Campaign For a Better Weekend. Where this album suffers in my mind is the fact that it exists as a weird hybrid middle ground between BTMI and modern Jeff Rosenstock, it isn’t really ska like old BTMI and it’s not quite to the same standard as the tracks on We Cool?. And some of the songs are just, not as good as the others, like Why, Oh Why, Oh Why (Oh Oh Oh Oh), which is washed out almost entirely in reverb, and tracks like Savers feeling barren and missing additional instrumentation. But fuck man I can not dislike this record or just call it “ok” because despite this I still listen to this record a lot, it’s so catchy and fun and Im a bit too chronically addicted to btmi. 

Reflektor - Arcade Fire (2013)

i dont really get the hate/mixed feelings others have with this record. there’s so many good tracks dude!!!! sure theres a bit of a slump in the middle and it doesnt reach the same emotional heights as their previous records you gotta be ignorant to overlook this records strengths. while i do like The Suburbs more than Reflektor, man i just vibe HARD with some of these tracks; the title track, We Exist, Here Comes The Night Time, Normal Person, Awful Sound (Oh Eurydice), Porno, and ESPECIALLY Afterlife. Plus the cover art is cool and I like it. However Flashbulb Eyes is one of the worst tracks Arcade Fire has ever put out and I hate it immensely. And while far less offensive, tracks like You Already Know, It’s Never Over (Hey Orpheus), and Joan of Arc are just kinda boring and/or uninteresting. Now granted, I'm extremely biased when it comes to Arcade fire in general unless were talking about the trainwreck that is Everything Now. I started listening to Arcade Fire just before Reflektor came out, and I have a kinda sentimental attachment to the record. ill explain the feeling more when i talk about The Suburbs. anticipation oooooo.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar (2012)

i might get crucified by some for not putting this in my top 10, but whatever come at me i guess. gkmc is a fantastic record, but i do think the ending is weak, which is why it’s here instead of in the top 10. i mean, let’s be real, Real is a mediocre track, and while Dying of Thirst is an important track to the whole narrative of the record, it feels way too long. almost everything else about this record is fantastic, from the beats, to kendrick’s nasally flows, to the overall structure of the record spinning a tale of a young man battling demons both inside and out, and his eventual redemption. even if i find this record at times to drop pace, it really is flawless otherwise. it felt like a disservice to put this in the 20-10s, bc it’s a good record, but i had to make some compromises and this was one of them. 

RTJ2 - Run The Jewels (2014)

el-p and killer mike are a perfect duo, and the tracks they make together are always total bangers. and for me, RTJ2 is the best overall, with RTJ3 in a close second. it’s hard to put this on the lower half of the list, some of the tracks just don’t work as well as the others, but despite that there’s not really any tracks i hate or dislike on this record, minus maybe crown. the pure aggression in the opening track Jeopardy sets the tone for an aggressive yet highly focused record. This is some of the best rap out there right now if you want some music to fuck shit up to. 

Pure Comedy - Father John Misty (2017)

This record is both hilarious and extremely bleak. Josh Tillman is a master of satire and sarcasm, and Pure Comedy is the peak of his songwriting skills. The title track is one of the best tracks of the decade, period. And he keeps up the momentum on the following few tracks. The main problem with this record is its weaker second half, but even then it’s criminal to suggest that those songs aren’t good regardless. And despite the bleakness, the one line that sticks in my head after all this time is the line this album fades out to: There’s nothing to fear.

Knife Man - AJJ (2011)

Continuing on the trend of folky, satirical, and bleak records, Knife Man is AJJ’s defining record (next to their debut LP). AJJ blends loud, punky anthems with quieter, folk tracks that touch on sensitive issues in a way only AJJ manages to get away with. And there’s some genuine heart mixed in as well, with the final track Big Bird always striking a chord with me. However, I do feel the record is, let’s just say, padded at times in my opinion. Still, I can’t deny how much i enjoy tracks like Gift of the Magi 2, Hate Rain on Me, The Distance, and Skate Park. Speaking of which when I saw AJJ live recently they played none of those songs and that kinda sucked but hey it was like $20 I can’t complain. And speaking of not getting what I wanted...

You Won’t Get What You Want - Daughters (2018)

It was hard choosing between this record and their 2010 self titled record, but in terms of the overall narrative and variety this record shines through. If there was a number 11 spot in this unorganized list this would probably take that spot. It’s noisey, it’s abrasive, and it’s like nothing you’ve heard before unless you’ve listened to Daughter’s previous records. Tracks like The Reason They Hate Me are catchy in the weirdest and most unwelcoming of ways, Less Sex sounds like a long lost Trent Reznor NIN track, and Guest House is a masochistic and gut wrenching finisher. Fantastic record aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

We Cool? - Jeff Rosenstock (2015)

It’s obvious that I had to include this record somewhere on these list. It’s like a more refined version of the sounds that Jeff experimented with on Vacation. Definitely more punk than ska, but still some of those roots still shine through, especially in the track Nausea. Some of Jeff’s best songs are on this record, from the loud opening tracks Get Old Forever and You, In Weird Cities, to tracks dripping with bittersweet and moody lyrics like I’m Serious, I’m Sorry and Polar Bear or Africa. The main reason this record is on the back end of the top 20 is because the deeper cuts on the record do not match the energy and heights of the best tracks. Tracks like All Blissed Out, The Lows, Darkness Records and Beers Again Alone don’t feel like they belong and stick out a bit. They remind me more of the material Jeff put out on his 2012 EP I Look Like Shit. Mind you they aren’t bad tracks, but I’ll be honest I skip them often when listening to the record because i just wanna get back to the good good stuff. 

Sports - Modern Baseball (2012)

Sports is one of the best pop punk records ever, if you can even consider it as such. It’s like a blend of emo and folk punk, and it works so well. A good majority of this record is on my main shuffle playlist. Is it pushing boundaries? Not really, but tracks like Re-Do, Tears Over Beers, and See Ya, Sucker are undeniably catchy and memorable. I NEED MODERN BASEBALL BACK TOGETHER RN. There’s not really anything that wrong with the record, besides maybe lacking in variety, but at 30 minutes, it’s a record that feels nostalgic even on a first listen, and continues to feel that way even after numerous re-listens. Speaking of nostalgia...

The Suburbs - Arcade Fire (2010)

Some background, when I was 13 (circa 2013), I only really listened to whatever my parents put on for me. From my mom, I “inherited” a taste for classic pop and 80s new wave. From my dad, I got metal and hard rock. The first time I made the conscious decision to listen to a record fully, based on my own curiousity, was when I sat and listened to Sgt. Pepper in the summer of 2013, which broadened the scope of what I thought music could even be. And later that year, the first band I got into after The Beatles? Arcade Fire. When I think of my early teens, the memories are set to this record. I remember listening to Ready to Start in my brother’s old hot ass car while driving to the local fair with some friends on a chill fall night, eating tons of junk and staying up past midnight back when doing that was edgy and cool and not a symptom of my depression. 

If I was judging this record solely by its best tracks, it would easily be in the top 3. But I couldn’t place it in my top 10 because, frankly, some of the deeper cuts are lacking. I can’t say I like Deep Blue. I really don’t like Rococo. And Half Light I kills the pace of the record. But man, that title track, Ready to Start, Modern Man, Empty Room, Half Light II, Sprawl II... these songs defined my early teen years. I still tear up listening to the title track. Sure I have to skip a few songs when I re-listen, but I can’t place it any lower or my heart will break. It existing outside of the top 10 already hurts. And that’s all that’s left now. The top 10. 

But first, some random honorable mentions that didn’t make this list:

Sound & Color - Alabama Shakes

Black Star - David Bowie

Saturation II - BROCKHAMPTON

Melophobia - Cage the Elephant

Teens of Style - Car Seat Headrest

How to Leave Town - Car Seat Headrest

Daughters - Daughters

Sunbather - Deafheaven

Bottomless Pit - Death Grips

Year of the Snitch - Death Grips (should be on this list tbh)

Doris - Earl Sweatshirt

I Love You, Honeybear - Father John Misty

Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes

Plastic Beach - Gorillaz

Boarding House Reach - Jack White

POST- - Jeff Rosenstock

S/T - Joyce Manor

Firepower - Judas Priest

ye - Kanye West

KIDS SEE GHOSTS - KSG

You Were There - Kill Lincoln

Flying Microtonal Banana - King Gizzard

Infest The Rats’ Nest - King Gizzard

No New World - Mass of the Fermenting Dregs

Bury Me At Makeout Creek - Mitski

Puberty 2 - Mitski

Unsilent Death - Nails

Itekoma Hits - Otoboke Beaver

Morbid Stuff - PUP

A Moon Shaped Pool - Radiohead

RTJ3 - Run the Jewels

Angles - The Strokes

To Be Kind - Swans

Undertale OST - Toby Fox

Scum Fuck Flower Boy - Tyler, The Creator 

Igor - Tyler, The Creator

Weezer (White Album) - Weezer

nightlife - yuragi

[ryangha]

oh i definitely think youre right about osu n im a lil sleep deprived but yeah!! i was so shocked! and the fact we couldnt seen dana's face while she was ordering sasa to carry out the attack is. hm. i think that osu genuinely thinks what hes doing is for the best, and he approached dana bc of her never showing criminals mercy + he trusts her. osu himself never expected himself to live this long bc the twins cared for him, but morae is someone hold no2 back while at the same time

upturning his entire family. the earlier chapters said he was good at planning and manipulating people to get what he wants, and even in the ‘I’ll trust in you and believe u no matter what so talk to me’ his phrasing felt. concerning ('why are you up?’ 'because everyone decided to leave me alone’/'seeing u is so hard these days it makes me sad’/'I’ll help u with anything, so tell me’) but osu sounds a lot more…. Deliberately Searching for the response he wants in jp so maybe thatscolouring my view. ah, just remembering. osu said he was suprised he lived this long earlier. he himself has made peace with the fact that hes p much a dead man walking and that all his family is immortal and will see him come and go, so seeing him obsess over morae must be making him a lil antsy that no2 may Never get over morae (or him when he dies so this is like. shock therapy) - n u saw how destroyed he was when no2 got arrested.then again, i dont know what mental acrobatics led to this choice bc we dont. spend much time in osus head. or any time actually. he loves no2 and no2 loves morae but i wonder if osu feels a lil detached from morae himself?? like how naga felt about tracy and venom. but instead of trying to be sad he Cant bc morae sucks and gets upset bc of how much anguish this person has put him (osu) through and he hasnt even done so on purpose or met him so osu just wants him gone.N bc no1 is is primary caretaker from what i see and no1s been real fucked up abt morae since forever and that’s another reason osu may want him gone. but i do think he has an inferiority complex abt his health im sorry im like everywhere rn. im not making sense but yeah. basically i agree w everything u said im just Something atm

also i learned on the korean wiki osus longest relationship description is about dana and he has a section entirely dedicated to porn. dana has a section dedicated to her crush on him and her combi name in hs with judas was 'steel cotton candy’ and that added on with the fact that she was shy in her kid years and got teased made her dye her hair. then she cut it bc it was a pain in the ass to wash blood out of it. good night zzz

oh shit soooo that’s a bunch of facts that i have not thought about and youre right. osu really is trying even though if he thought he doesn’t see himself living very long, he at least could see baekmorae coming to his end so that osu will know that no.2 is better off than constantly trying to get him back… hmm i think you were alluded to this scene (this in the eng scene and for my refresher lol):

hmm idk i think it’s not as big as a diff in english but osu definitely sounds like he’s expecting no.2 to spill sumn to him… esp when he starts off saying ‘no one was here when i woke up’ or alike and continues to go on about how not only no.2 is busy but also no.1 (which they are involved with baekmorae’s case nd i think they’re right at least to involve osu as least as possible aside from using his family’s wealth/name in the later chpt) so he feels left in the dark. i don’t think he is in the dark tho he knows more than he lets on for sure… like you said, he’s “Deliberately Searching for the response he wants’ and i can read that in the eng trans as well :) also totally see what the readers are thinking earlier cause! i looked over and readers feared that osu was going to stick on no.2′s side where he would try to help him get baekmorae back, which earlier this chapter no.2 was talking to his sis that she doesnt blame baekmorae since murder was the usual back then, but i’m kinda glad the author wrote osu the complete opposite direction. i think he does look past the fact no.2 desperately wants to redeem himself/make amends to baekmorae and bc baekmorae is such a shitty person, osu would rather help him in the way of getting baekmorae outta his life like some emotionally festering parasite. 

also agreed AGREED that we don’t get into osu’s head or barely any, which is a disappointment cause i know in the beta idwtkoh there was an arc where osu got kidnapped nd i feel like we could’ve known more about osu’s shady character back then compared to official idwtkoh. getting off kilter a little but yeah idk osu for sure knows that he’s sick nd been sick that it’s kinda ironic that his dads are immortal healers that can heal so much with him as an exception. it’s apparent that osu’s strongest relationship is with no.1 and no.2 so to see no.2 struggle with getting baekmorae back is like. YEAH exactly with how crushed osu looks (i also remember how osu apologized to dana nd that face crushed dana in return aaaAA) but i think osu for sure feels detached from baekmorae like. osu might be filling in his place for fake KNIFE but baekmorae is just this figurehead of villainy that SPOON’s been working for long to catch and i just feel like it’s easier for osu to feel apathetic or even dislike for baekmorae since he’s the source of no.2′s pain? well, we dont really know how much osu knows of no.2′s past and how he abandoned baekmorae but like. does osu think it’s the better path to forgive no.2 when he’s trying to apologize/redeem? don’t think osu has put himself in baekmorae’s shoes even though his relationship to no.2 is nearly the same without the mentor/mentee role. but yes, osu is prolly just like ‘if sumn messes up no.2 then they need to leave. permanently.’ or alike lol. it is strange to me how their positions regarding to no.2 are very similar tho…. 

HAH one day ill be able to translate those korean articles concerning osu’s relationship with dana AND dana’s crush on him but today is not that day. just wait for it lol but as recurring it is that osu’s bad habit is porn, i always forget to write about it when im writing osu lol. i didn’t know about dana’s combi name ‘steel cotton candy’ with judas hahaha they both must’ve hated that. idk if that special chpt was translated but dana and judas did dye their hair black without telling each other and thought they copied one another haha. i love these two’s interactions also sad for dana that she got teased for her pink hair. but i know she probably handled it all on her own. OH that’s so badass for her to chop off all her hair cause of the blood……. dana is the best i swear. and thank you for sharing all these facts nd im sorry if my response in turn is lackin cause im kinda out of it too lol but. always a good time talking about idwtkoh, especially a character like osu…….. he was a missed opportunity for more character exploration honestly. 

THANKS AGAIN 

[celestianstars]

hey girl, i guess i just need somewhere to vent my sad little anxious heart out tonight. i’ve been feeling sad for months now cuz i like someone (idek if i want to like them! but feelings right?) but the chances of ever being w them are so fucking slim for soo many reasons. im just so lonely all the time lol and ik it isn’t always going to be like this (hopefully) but it still hurts in the moment. my anxiety has been really really bad lately and i guess i just feel like one big sad soft mess lol

(sad soft anon here - cont.) like and i’m still at a CC living at home and family life has been so rough recently so that doesn’t help either. yeah ok i think i’m done venting lol i just wanted to say thank u for everything that u do on this blog of yours! it’s a special place for a lot of people❤️ and i appreciate you sm💓

———

Hey! I honestly feel you on being a sad soft mess honestly, for different reasons but I understand how you can feel lonely or lost right now.

I also still live at home and go to a community college and my home life has also been rough and it’s just a lot for the heart to handle you know, I hear you.

As for your feelings for this person, try and go for it even if you have a laundry list of reasons why it might not happen, a slim chance is still a chance and you never know what could happen. I know that’s bold and leaves you open to get hurt but sometimes it’s good to take a bit of leap.

The loneliness definitely won’t last forever, it’s just where you’re at right now in your life and that’s ok, your journey is your journey, but I understand that it hurts all the same. There’s also a lot of pressure from society and things to be in a relationship or to have someone or something like that you know and that doesn’t help at all.

I’m sorry things are difficult rn, it truly does suck and I hope this brings you some comfort at least! ♥️ things are gonna get better, little by little!