#except that she's a great yoga teacher

[setsailtomorrow]

who knew that a side effect of doing yoga every day would mean firmer eh everything

[bellysoupset]

The New Guy

It was the first day of class and Vince felt like a toddler in kindergarten. Although he didn't actually remember going to kindergarten back in Italy, but his mom made a point of telling him he had wailed every time they dropped him off, so this was how Vince felt.

Except he wasn't the student today, he was the teacher.

He still wasn't fully back on his feet after such a hellish bout of flu and the emotional stress, but Vince felt steady enough he could at least fake it. Besides, he had wanted to be a teacher his whole life, so even if he felt like crying from the nerves, he was also incredibly excited.

This was his old school and it was weird, to say the least, to walk the halls as a teacher, not a student. Not much had changed - better flooring, a classroom had a smartboard instead of a white one, new teachers.

His old ones were still there, though, and Vince nearly jumped out of his skin upon entering the teacher's hall and having his name shouted, "Vincenzo! Oh look at you!" as if he was the chubby kid who grew up over summer. Which yeah, he sort of was.

The literature teacher was still the same woman, Ms. Lobdell. She had been already been an ancient faculty member back when he was at school and time had done her no favors, but she was sharp as a knife.

His old history teacher had retired, the spot Vince had occupied, and the biology and chemistry teacher, a horrible man whom Vin had hated back then, had also left the school.

He was told all this by Ms. Lobdell, who dragged him around by the arm despite the first class starting at 8 AM and it already being 7:55.

Finally Vince was released from the claws of that sweet wrinkly woman to his class of snotty 10 year old, whom he was already very partial to.

Because moving had been such a huge thing, from his relationship with Wendy and his friends, to quitting his solid job and getting an entirely new place, Vince had been more than a little insecure about the whole thing.

Suddenly it wasn't just "getting a new job", it was "getting a new life" and he felt a gigantic pressure for this to be as good as he had imagined it to be, otherwise... Otherwise he would have gone through all this trouble for nothing.

It was a relief so strong when teaching his first class ended up being everything he had imagined and more, that Vince was teary eyed by lunch break.

"So how was it?" Wendy asked, her voice breathless as she moved around. Vince checked his watch again, noticing his hands were shaking with how nervous he had been. 1:30 PM, she was probably leaving her hot yoga class to get dressed for her evening shifts.

"It was amazing," he confessed, smiling, keeping his voice low, "the kids were great, the teaching plan went smoothly... They keep calling me mister Monacelli, though, which is very weird... It was just great."

"I'm glad," Wendy answered and he could tell she was smiling and meant it, "what now?"

"Now I get my teenagers," Vince scratched at his cheeks, suddenly wishing he hadn't shaved in the morning. He felt too baby faced to handle the teens, doubting they'd respect him, "they're going to eat me alive."

"Yes, but not in the way you think," Wendy teased him, "you're going to be the class crush, just watch it."

He grinned, smoothing his shirt and looking around the empty classroom. Vince had been much too nervous to join the remaining staff in the cafeteria and had had lunch inside his classroom, like a loser. Just a veggie roll too, which normally wouldn't sustain him even for two hours, let alone the rest of the day.

"Now you're just egging me on," he rolled his eyes, "how's your day?"

"Great," Wendy huffed and her voice got distant as if she had left her phone in a surface, "I have far too much free time now that you're not around, so I'm gonna start taking classes."

"Classes on what?" he balled up the paper napkin and grabbed his tooth brushing kit, walking out of the classroom, holding the cellphone to his ear.

"Anything," Wendy sighed, "I just need to occupy myself a bit, it'll help."

"I think you should take interior design classes," he entered the bathroom, "you're always fiddling with things in the apartment."

"Uhm, maybe," she sighed and then he heard a noise and Wendy cursing, "a stupid pigeon just hit my window, I gotta go. Love you, break a leg, Mr. Pussy Magnet!"

"Love you as well, honey," Vince rolled his eyes, hanging up.

His first class after lunch actually went a lot smoother than Vince was expecting, but the second one... He had no idea where his students were.

After fifteen minutes of sitting there without a single soul appearing, Vince peeked at the hallway and frowned. He was half expecting the kids to be pranking him by sitting in the hallway, but nada. Not a single student.

He sighed, locking the classroom and walking back to the teacher's hall to see if anyone else would have an inkling of where his kids had disappeared to.

An older teacher, whom Vince remembered as the trigonometry teacher and who, thankfully, did not remember Vin, was leaning against the window, with his head poking out, smoking.

"Mr. Turella, hi," Vince smiled and the older man smiled back.

"You're the new teacher, right? History?"

"Yeah," Vince crossed the room to shake his hand and the man let out a huff.

"You're looking more like the P.E teacher, son," he teased lightly, "are you lost?"

"No, not really," Vince grimaced, "but I think I lost my kids? No one showed for my class..."

Mr. Turella let out a snort, carefully resting his cigarette on the windowsill and walking across the room to the big schedule that was plastered to the wall, "oh yeah," he shook his head, "Daniels stole your kids."

"Excuse me," Vince frowned, crossing the room so he could look at the schedule as well. Mr. Turella planted a wrinkled finger over the sophomore's schedule and dragged it down.

The class before Vince's was Chemistry, with Mr. Daniels.

"Uh... That's just great," Vince wrinkled his nose in distaste, "I don't suppose I should go over and tell him to release my kids?"

"Bad move for a rookie," Mr. Turella patted his arm, "just wait for them to show and you can chew out Daniels after class. Not that it's going to help much, it never did in my case."

"He does this a lot?" Vince scoffed and the other man nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh yeah, get used to it," the man sighed and walked back to the window, "take the win, it's a break in your schedule."

"It's time they're not learning the curriculum," Vince corrected, groaning as he imagine the headache this would be down the line, when he inevitably fell behind if he didn't have enough time to teach, "alright, thanks Mr. Turella."

"It's John," the man waved him off, continuing to smoke.

Vince returned to his classroom, chewing at his lip since it was still empty. He paced nervously, until his students finally showed, thirty minutes late and chatting loudly.

"We're having P.E now?" a boy asked, causing his friends to giggle and Vince to sigh. It was going to be a long evening.

Mr. Daniels fucking haunted him. His senior students, whom he was dreading already, were also late thanks to the biology classes. Unlike the previous kids, though, they walked in quietly and seemed very interested in Vince, if only because he was new and shiny.

"You cannot be serious-" a girl blurted out, when Vince announced he was holding them for ten more minutes, since they had arrived twenty past the time of class, "sir. You cannot be serious, Mr. Monacelli," she corrected herself quickly.

Vince raised his eyebrows, not the outburst, but at the correction. It was so weird to be treated like that.

"Well, I- Alright, today you can leave, but next time this happens I'll have to hold you until we're done. You can't fall behind so close to SATs," he sighed, gesturing to the whiteboard, "and remember homework."

"Yesssir," there was a chorus of voices, making him cringe. Sir, that didn't sit right.

"I'll see you Wednesday," Vince waved to the door and then sat down, waiting for the kids to leave. As soon as he was alone, he let out a groan and rubbed at his neck.

As Vince walked to the parking lot, he paused as he saw a man leaning heavily against the wall, just outside the view of the buses leaving.

The man had his back pressed to the wall and his hands on his knees, as if catching his breath after running a marathon.

Curiosity got the best of him and Vince stepped closer, wondering if this was a senior student who had been held back - he didn't look seventeen, for sure, but not old enough to be a parent either - and if so, why he hadn't been in his class just now.

"Hey," Vince said, realizing the guy was actually older than he expected as he stepped closer, "hey, you alright?"

The guy shook his head, lips pressed in a thin line, "not feeling too hot..." he let out a soft burp, unashamed, and grimaced, "you're the new guy, the new teacher."

"Uh- It's Vince..." Vince frowned, inspecting the other man. He was a blonde, with most of his hair pulled up in a man bun, showcasing an undercut. He was wearing a buttoned up shirt, but with short sleeves - which should be a crime, in Vin's opinion, - and he could see his left arm was completely tattooed.

Definitely not a teacher, Vince thought, crouching slightly. The guy wasn't short, but compared to Vin he was. He also looked incredibly, terribly familiar.

"I'm Max," the man grimaced and spread his feet apart, "I'm gonna hurl, you should step back."

So casual about the whole deal, as if it wasn't mortifying. Vince frowned even more, "are you waiting for your kid, Max? Can I get someone for you?"

"My kid?" Max let out a little chuckle, which quickly turned into a groan and he wrapped an arm around his stomach, "no, I'm fine. Lunch was just too heavy, the cafeteria food fucking sucks."

"You're a staff member?" Vince frowned, even more confused. He wanted to get a decent look at the man's face, but he was sort of bent over, with a couple hair strands falling in front.

"Bio-" Max cut himself off with a gag and groaned loudly. He panted, back heaving and a couple of belches bubbled up, low in volume, but terrible wet. He cleared his throat, but it morphed into a cough and then Vince jumped back as a splatter of puke hit the pavement, sinking in the gravel.

He made a face, reaching out and planting a hand on Max's shoulders, keeping him swaying, and looked around, hoping there was anyone better equipped to help.

"Fuck-" Max groaned, pressing his stomach with a hand and heaving again. An empty, painful and loud, heave, followed by another cough and more vomit, this time a much larger amount. He let out a little moan, hanging over the puddle with an arm wrapped around his middle and panting.

"Done...?" Vince grimaced and the man nodded, wiping his lips on the back of his hand and then making a face at it, wiping his hand on his jeans.

"Urgh, that was gross..." he straightened up, taking a steady breath and sidestepped the mess on the ground, "sorry. I didn't catch your name?"

"Vince," he repeated, studying the man's face. They were about the same age, now Vince realized, but Max looked younger. Blonde with brown eyes and a tanned complexion, he looked like a surfer who had gotten lost on his way to California, "I'm the new history teacher."

"I'm the biology and chemistry teacher," Max shook his hand, following Vince further into the parking lot and Vin nearly stopped on his tracks.

"You're Mr. Daniels?"

"Uhhh yeah man, the one and only," the guy opened a little smirk, looking amused, "you heard about me?"

"You're the prick who held my kids," Vince glared at him, "twice. Thirty minutes each."

"I had to wrap up the subject," Max shrugged, "and they were interested. You know how hard it is to get these gremlins interested in anything, no hard feelings."

Vince scoffed, rolling his eyes, "quit doing that then," he said, finally arriving at his bike, "...Are you sure you alright?"

"I'm fine," Max smiled, smoothing his shirt and undoing the top buttons, "see you around, Mr. Monacelli."

[sweetteaandpie]

it's friday night and my niles/cc headcanon wants to come out and play. i can't get these two out of my head.

i imagine they're still married 25 years later, both of them with silver hair and dressed impeccably. when they married, some of cc's upper-crustiness rubbed off on niles, but only in a superficial way. she still wears chanel, dior, givenchy, versace, and looks sharp in her skirts and pantsuits with jewellery. niles' wardrobe is more or less the same except more expensive. i imagine he is recovering from hip replacement surgery, which fran contributes to niles' inability to keep his hands off his wife. he doesn't refute this, but he does tell her that cc gives as good as she gets. fran tells him he doesn't need to paint a picture.

cc and niles are back in new york, having hated california. they moved back just before becoming parents to identical twin girls. they wrote their own joke when they came out as brunettes, and their mother had to pretend not to know where the brunette genes came from. it is niles' longest running joke and even the twins, who are now 24, occasionally like to tell people they have "mummy's hair."

the twins are quite unlike their parents and cc blames this fact on the "hippie forest school" niles insisted on sending them for their elementary education where she claims they learned to tie-dye before learning to read. cc had wanted a prep school, but niles insisted on a waldorf education. cc eventually gave in, partly because niles was very convincing with his mouth and hands, and partly because deep down, she was miserable and alone in her own educational experience. she did wish niles had found a better compromise, rolling her eyes when the parents' orientation at the twins' school provided a vegan, gluten-free (and booze-free *gasp*) spread. she threatened her husband and threw him her best glares, but he promised to do that thing she really liked in the hot tub that night, so she let it be.

the twins grew and their parents doted on them, even and especially their mother. and they absolutely adored her. they think she is so funny, even though she isn't trying to be. twin #1 is a pansexual vegan in law school who once chained herself to a tree to protest cutting down the rainforest. cc was upset that her "lesbian" daughter wouldn't let her throw a coming out party and niles had to run interference. she had pouted about it for weeks, even saying she didn't mind twin #1 was vegan. coming out parties are so passé, twin #1 claimed. niles reminded cc that twin #1 was going to law school so she could defend her mother against future lawsuits from terrified choreographers, thus saving her money. niles reminded twin #1 of the 33-hour labour her mother was in to have her and her sister...and the drugs wore off during delivery. twin #1 offered to have a low key celebration at home where her parents could celebrate their "lesbian" daughter. "pansexual, mummy!" twin #1 would exclaim exasperatedly with a shadow of a smile on her mouth.

twin #2 attended her mother's alma mater, bryn mawr, but ended up being a yoga teacher-reiki master-massage therapist-ukulele teacher. she's currently taking a herbalism course and experimenting with aquaponics. she lives in a queer collective in brooklyn, sharing a house with 7 other people. cc keeps trying to give her money, but twin #2 is adament about making her own way. she did a couple of years in the peace corps, where she picked up an interest and talent for survival skills. she met bear grylls once and it was the highlight of her year.

though cc loves her family, she still finds great pleasure in terrifying chorus boys and making choreographers cry. she has headed her own production company since returning to new york after the very brief stint in california. she has been on countless magazine covers, has done dozens of interviews, received a gracie award and a few tonys (more than maxwell), as well as is a frequent guest lecturer for NYU theatre classes, putting the fear of god in all the students. she has good instincts and brains and broadway has taken notice. when maxwell moved back to new york from california a few years after leaving, he wanted to merge his company with cc's and bring her back onboard. she said no.

niles has become a writer. since marrying the love of his life, his writing has been described by critics as truly beautiful, inspirational, and creative. he writes plays and has a column in the new york times called "are you being served?" (pun intended). a few years back, he wrote a book of poetry under a pseudonym and it was a best seller. it made the new york times' best seller list for four months straight. reviews called it "erotic," a "love story for the ages," and a "gorgeous love letter."

it was all about cc.

fran read it and told him cc was a lucky lady. he'd responded that he was the lucky one.

they still throw zingers at one another, and the twins have come to appreciate a particularly good one, but they largely stay out of it. in high school, when going through a particularly difficult phase of behavioural challenges, they experimented with throwing them at their parents. however, their parents, being pros, ate them up and spit them out, making the twins wish they hadn't even bothered.

cc is currently taking some time off to help niles do rehab for his new "magical hip."

"baby, does this make me old?" he asked her, feeling self-conscious of the walker he temporarily uses to get around due to his hip replacement surgery.

"yes, but you've been old for 40 years, so this is nothing new."

"my hip is new."

"maybe i should get something new to go with it."

"you could use a facelift," he deadpanned. "sorry. old habits."

she leaned over and gave him a loving kiss, making promises of all the things they're going to do once he's healed

that's all for tonight, but they live rent-free in my head, so there's bound to be more.

[blackwirtz]

✨🌸IF JJK Characters were Yanderes 🌸✨

Charcters:

> • Gojo Saturo

Part 1 / 2 / 3/ ?

about: Gojo coming from his first class from Yoga in an unexpected high spirits , even celebrating with his students.

Warning: increasing of attachment, food poisoning, child abuse and moslty to Itadori :(

A/N: this part is kinda long so i hope you enjoy as i did :))

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Saturo slammed in the class with a bright grin that his students didn't recognize him in first glance, he waved his hands freely a bag in his hand "if it isn't for my dear children who are doing their best~"

it was silent, itadori was the first to break it, "senpai! You're . . You're Sweating" Gojo was indeed bathed in sweat, he area of his armpits almost dripped, he brusted a laugh "That's cause i went to the gym silly~" he brushes it off with his hands as he opened the bag Now Gather Around! I got something for you all! "

Toge, Nabora, And itadori approached, Magumi stood in his place, frowning " you went to Gym afterwards? "

Gojo nodded simply " my back pain eased soo easily! I had to benefit from my fresh new energy~"

" OO is that from Sunbucks?? It smells soo fresh!"

" i smell strawberries— am taking it it, away Yuji!" Gojo smiled as he patted Nabora's head assuring there is enough treat for everyone and even more. he handed each of them a small box with a sticker heart,Nabora stared at him with a raised brow " i can't tell if this a genuine 'thank you' or you plotting to poison us?"

Toge was sniffing his small fruit tart, _just being extra sure —besides him Yuji straight up swallows his strawberry cupcake in a one gulp—

"Ooh ohohoo~ how would i do that to my _own_ students? And after this grateful favor.? " his grin turned sinister slightly, sending chills to them. Yuji still chewing though.

"even with endless calls, banging on my personal door in my very first holiday this week, pushing me on the street at 10 in the morning for a usless Yoga class?"

. . . . . . .

"it was Yuji's idea-"

"HEY-"

Gojo laughed again, this time it filled the room with 'saturo' energy, Megumi' frown deepen "Relaaaax, i won't purposely KILL you even for this 'mistake' , i would have simply squeezed some of my sweat on each of your dessert and cover it up as a lil gift, wouldn't i~"

the room went silent. . .

". . . . .is that's why my cucpake tastes abit salty?" Saturo stood their with an innocent smile before walking pass them to the unsure Megumi

"AH Megumi~ why the long face? I promise you, not to worry about this one, if not for my least annoying student!"

Megumi stared , the small box was glowing with Saturo's glimmering altitude, as if his teacher wasn't struggling those months and it was just a bad dream he had yestersay, the haired raven boy's took his treat carefully " you haven't. . Tried anything illegal?"

" Oo MY why that kind of question? "

" it's not like you. . .enjoying those sort of stuff in one blow"

Toge hummed in confirmation, nipping his tart anyway, Nabora was busy sniffing her cheescake

Gojo's eyes wrinkled at the geunine worry of his raven Student as he wrapped his long arms around his shoudler, taking Megumi off guard and his students squirmed back (except Yuji)

thanks to his infinity barrier, no sweat or smell travelled to Megumi's clean form as he scratched his head playfully, again with the barrier on

" Awww no need to worry about me~"

" am not—"

"— if it calms you down, i didn't want to continue the class, without the teacher who was really REALLY great in her job, i wouldn't have stayed longer, she didn't even 'force' me , do you believe that? "

Gojo let go of Megumi's hair, still he squeezed him closer (not close to his sweat armpit), the childish adult rubbed his chin, pretending he was thinking " i might actually try another class this week. . ." he then turned to look at the dumbfounded Megumi.

"you could join me to see yourself! She is so wonderful~ In her job"

still having his hands on Saturo's strong arm, he frowned again, studying his expression. . . Saturo wasn't faking it, he truely seemed he enjoyed his time. . . In that case and knowing Saturo wouldn't take a "No" as an answer, Megumi stared longer then sighed downwards

". . . in one condition" *he heard Gojo Hum in confusion, as he pointed at his group (excluding Tego who steppd farther) the latter panicked*

" they are coming with me—"

" DEAL!! So you two gotta be ready at exactly 7 am before we leave "Yuji and Nabora squirted even farther, holding eachother hands, witnessing how GLAD Saturo was with this condition.

"But that is even earlier!! " Yuji whined.

" MHM! We should do some warm ups before heading on our way to the yoga ~ "

oh how he enjoyed their pained expression, Nabora stepped away clapsing her hands togther and waving them

" come onn now! I have lots of ugly-face syndrome if i don't atleast do my 8 hours night mask! Don't you know how cold weather affect my sensitive skin!?" she tried her hard to be convincing as she held on sneaky Tego trynna go away 'tell him!!' he flinched.

" i simply don't care~" Saturo sang as he widley waved his hand pointing on the poor quiet boy

" you too are coming!"

a soul left his body as he bent down in the fuming girl's grip " . . . .Fish flakes"

as they began to continue whining to their teacher (Toge just accepted his fate), who went on teasing it's for 'their good' and to be 'more fit'and yes they would as well go to gym so to not turn 'lazy as him', and how he is 'worried about their poor health'.

without them noticing Megumi's poor sturggling to get free in his grip,m, though he stopped to observe (no winning :< ). it was still bizzare how a flip of a switch turned his teacher to his bubbly charcter, though even for a short time, it relaxed the boy's concern frown, as the childish tantrum went on with the unbothered Saturo , secretly his mouth curved upward

perhaps those bad days would indeed pass, after all-

"saw thaat~" Gojo sang whispered, strucking Megumi who turned the frown, he grumbled behind his teeth " please, stop doing this"

Nabora's huge growl interrupted

" YOU'RE DEAD TO ME MEGUMI! "

~ ~ ~ 🌺🌺🌺 ~ ~ ~

• as expected, they ALL were jogging in the streets at 7 am ~after getting forced to wake up at 6—~ and their energy was deadpan,except perhaps Megumi " sensei , is it that far? " he and Gojo were in the very front raw, Yuji holding on toge for support and Nabora huffing her way forward. Saturo told them, their stop at the known gym. They might have recommend the place but had no idea where exaclty would it be, depending on Gojo's memory of directions

The teacher, spread a grin as he simply answered "aha~ we passed it three times already! "

an arrow of shock strucked them all, Megumi dropped a huff, closing his eyes so to not wipe this grin woth his fist " so you lied about misleading directions. . . " a joyful confirming HUM from Gojo.

". . . You are enjoying this so much"

" aaaGhh sensi! I prefer having those salty cupcakes right now, my legs are cramping "

" MY SKIN IS ALREADY DRY!"

" oka okaaa. . . "

• Gojo turned to them still running, making his barrier move him backward as if walking on a machine. fortunately, there were not much passengers "don't lose hope now~ you almost convinced me to spare you~~"

glad that Megumi had started jogging weeks ago as he turned back, pitty kicked hs stomach at their wet forms with hallow eye sockets, another growl came from Nabora. " this is TOO MUCH! You already had your payback, you friking frack basta-"

" ahh ahh~~ " * he wiggled his fingers, the grin growing as he glanced at the clock, it was almost 10, the needed to catch up " we don't wanna miss your first exciting lesson crawling and dirting the mats, No?~"

if breaking down angrily was an expression, Nabora would have got awarded for almost succeeding in it, Gojo then clapped his hands twice announcing a break, as they were about to bent down with breath. The strong winde wooshed over them.

" AAA finally!" Yuji not giving a care in the world, threw himself as a starfish on the. . . . Grass?? Toge followed behind, just more carefully, Nabora went to hold on the long fence that was SUPPOSEDLY, besides them. . Her hand clasped in thin air and she tripped. " what the heck?!"

Megumi was the first one to caught on their sudden teleportation, infront nothing other than. . The gym

" come on now~ you don't wanna embrass me infront my coach~~ " he fake whined making his way to the door, as a young woman approached watching her phone, she wore a white cap, calm blue jumper with huge sport pants.

Gojo simply crossed his arms leaning on the door as she poped her head upwards, his smile spread from hers " Saturo! I just got your message. ." she turned to others who were stand. . Well Megumi, the rest was on the ground ". . My? you managed to—*

"— on time, as promised~" Saturo winked, tilting his head on the door, beaming.

the woman chuckled fixing her cap " well. . Precisely, BEFORE time. . . But am still impressed"

"wHAt " the group growned in one breath, making the friendly Coach jump " did he not tell you?"

they now stared at Gojo who then remembered, he wasn't alone with her. gapping his mouth with a hand on his chest. " whaat??! Before time. .. maan~ we are gonna have to wait. . "

he stated, more dramatically from Megumi's perspective. . _he lied about the time too?'

" ooh it's totally alright! The five of you are enough! Some warm ups before others arrive would do " Saturo's glittering smile fluttered. . . Just a little, as he stared then sighed so LOUDLY, putting a hand on his head

" i would HAVE wished that. . .but as you can see" he waved at his 'students' " the poor things haven't even taken a nap from the excitement to be here~" the Woman still had her smile, confused more as she turned to Saturo.

Nabora ached "we. . .have. . Been running. . All morning. . "

this bought extra points of empathy from the coach, Gojo nodded in agreement, "ooh myy. . Alright. . Then we could spare sometime" .her kindness filled the air as she sent them another of her precious smile, Gojo bent slightly down for anyone to notice just to have a better look, except for Megumi

"Totally agree~ "

.she invites them inside, with a chilling Gojo close by, having his hands in his pockets. Holding a smirk from his little success.

• the time was spent with Gojo chatting with this young woman, causing her to giggle once or twice at his 'charming' humor. Much to the others bliss, they were asleep. again Megumi is left alone observing his teacher's 'calm' persona infront her.

perhaps it was the slight flirt Gojo liked to play along with the woman, he was always famous among the ladies and not seeming so bothered with it, 'so he just woke us up so he can 'flirt' with this stranger?'_ She wasn't that much attractive.. just at average level. . Perhaps slightly above.

'it means, he won't stick with her for long, Gojo wasn't in relationships anyway'

how WRONG the raven boy was

• this 30 minutes break, was the most blessing time Gojo had spent with someone as her in weeks, He was sitting with an arm laid on a chair while the other hand holding on, she was doing simple stretching on her yoga mat, still paying attention to his words.

watching her from this close was a bliss~ he would easily notice how her eyes shone at the mention of the things she liked, how when her lips curves up, his does too. its like any reaction she did, Saturo was controlled under her glamorous effect . he even began copying her stretching as if to go along with her.

that made her smile longer which filled Saturo's heart with glee, it suited her. he could feel his cheeks getting slightly wamer, so he joked about the atmosphere there to cover up his blush.

thank's to the golden step, he knew when to arrive way earlier~ when he managed to take her number, though he wished he could have a good story to it-

"Sweat&chill gym answering, how can i help you?"

"I .. .uh Would like to have the yoga coach number, i am one of the class student. name is Saturo Gojo"

" alright sir, please wait till we get you connected"

Jazz music playing~

sighs~ if it could be just how it's done in the comics~ it was her 'business' number he took, it won't be much longer till he takes her's and breaks this wall of 'professionalism' and know much more.

he managed to list down some of her favourites; as for sports, actors and sweets. Mentally noting what he will buy fir her next time thet meet

and so the class just went smoothly, with an ENERGTIC Saturo, a natural Megumi and dying students. Saturo didn't stop sprinting on their way home.

Gojo couldn't hold his 'fangirling' to Megumi as he asked all of their opinion about the "class" ofocurse.

And ofcurse Nabora would have agreed to attending if it WASN'T in Gojo'a hands, Toge just wanted to throw his slump body on a bed already, Megumi and Itadori showed approval though.

" For REAL??" Gojo asked with such excitement, Megumi said he wouldn't mind attending some of classes sometimes, the teacher was surpsied that Itadori nodded along though

"it was abit too relaxing for my own good. . Though i wouldn't mind it if not my devastated state" He spoke soo FONDLY holding his chin and thinking up, as if reviewing the restaurant's service, it made his teacher proud- " the teacher was sort of hot tho" now, it was soo COMMON for the pink-haired teenager to throw an 'honest' opinion of any kind to his friends, even Nabora if she isn't uncomfortable with it.

Itadori said it soo naturally as if he commented on a poster of a fantasy film.

Gojo stood silent for abit. . Till his smile was brought back " Ah now~ she is twice your age young boy, you wouldn't like for me to call the cops, No?"

" ah?! NO SIR, i apologize" he bowed feeling ashamed.

Gojo chuckled patting his head assuring him not to think much of it. it was an empty threat after all~ mostly~.

The man trusted his students after all ,okay?

[sainamoonshine]

If I ever manage to get off my butt and continue writing the Crossing Orbits series, each book is going to get progressively more stupid and buckwild than the others

If you want to read some funny book pitches, look at these:

Book 1: Four Liars (in space)

Gay and Lesbian bff Chuck and Bee get into fake marriage for a sweet free space house (in space), immediately meet and fall in love with much cooler love interests. Comedy of errors level of rom-com shenanigans ensue.

Book 2: The Great Galactic Hustle

Gay and Lesbian bff have now divorced and are dating the correct people but this has pissed off Bee’s mum, who is attempting to set her up with Chuck’s boyfriend for some reason. In order to get her off her back Bee agrees to take her little sister Willie with them on a work trip as an intern. They all get stranded in space (feat. two scientists in the middle of a torrid hate-hate relationship). Nobody is having a good time except perennial Himbo Chuck.

Book 3: Space Academia

Willie has an internship with one of the scientists of the previous book, Vopenka! Except they are stuck at a months-long science convention with Zeta (Vopenka’s science enemy) and his own assistant Caspian, the most averagely mediocre white guy in the universe. He’s a spy and yet still manages to be boring about it. He and Willie set out to make Vopenka and Zeta get along, but then fall in love and sort of forget about the events they just set in motion, to hilarious results.

Book 4: Cosmic Cocktail

Another of Bee’s sisters, Joy, has to go on a work trip for reasons connected to the events of the previous book. She leaves her son with (another sister) Raddish, who has this babysitting thing in the bag! … except that she’s crushing hard on the kid’s water yoga teacher who hates her. And the kid is convinced that said teacher is a mermaid and sets out to prove it. Shenanigans ensue.

Book 5: Space Hurricanes (with a chance of electron rain)

Lifelong UFO truther Zeta and lifelong UFO denier Vopenka get the chance to work with real life aliens! After 20 years of academic feud, she is ready to admit he was right… except Zeta is now obsessed with the Space Bermuda Triangle. A look back through their relationship, from hate and lust at first sight in their twenties, to enduring hate and lust now. The Space Bermuda Triangle is not real, of course…. Unless?

Book 6: Lucky Star (in retrograde)

Due to the events of the previous book, a woman lost in space seven years ago is rescued! She just so happens to be the presumed dead ex-wife of Joy’s husband, and mother of his son. Now Joy has to go and pick her up from the hospital and drive her back to their hometown… aaaaaand they get stuck in a blizzard together. To make matters worse, this intrepid space explorer woman is smocking hot. Yeah, so that’s not awkward at all.

[fuckyeah-jessicabiel]

ESPN: Jessica Biel draws on her experience as a soccer player, in pushing herself to excel in all fields

ESPN October 2009

As a teen she played club soccer, then landed her breakthrough acting role at 14 as high school hoops star Mary Camden on TV's "7th Heaven" These days Biel, 27, snowboards in the winter, golfs and plays volleyball in the summer, and does yoga all year round -- in between training for butt-kicking roles on the big screen. In Biel's world, sports are all in a day's work.

GIRL: Your sport was soccer and you played right midfield and right wing. Did you play for both your high school team and on club teams? Biel: I never really went to a real high school. When I was a kid I played Barrage -- it was called 'The Barrage,' in Boulder, Colorado. And there was also a club called FC, which I would have played in, if I stayed in Colorado. I played for Valley United Soccer Club in California. I also played on this fantastic girl's team called The Edge for my whole high school career.

GIRL: What made the team so great? Biel: They were fantastic because our coach put up with my impossible acting schedule, which made me miss loads of practices. And the girls were incredibly accepting and fun and are still some of my closest friends to this day. That team kept me sane and normal while working as an adult and being around mostly adults for those four years.

GIRL: What exceptional skill do you believe you brought to the team? Biel: I didn't do a whole lot of scoring in soccer. I was more of an assister. My special talent (pretty much the coolest thing I could do) was a great flip throw. I do remember this one time I actually scored, and it was the highlight of my career. The best thing was that my family and my boyfriend at the time were there to see it. I was just flying on air. Just high as a cloud and thrilled I actually scored.

GIRL: What age were you at the time? Biel: I was a teenager -- 16 or 17.

GIRL: You have dance training as well? Biel: I do -- years ago, nothing very professional. I did tap as a kid, a little ballet, lots of jazz. When I was growing up, I was also a gymnast. There is an element of dance to gymnastics, right? I actually really started getting into dance right before I turned 20. I was about 19, 20, and I was taking a ballet class every day. I actually started dancing en pointe, just because I was strong enough and I wanted to give it a shot. I had this amazing teacher who was supportive and just wanted me to explore what that would be like, even though I got into that at such a late age. But it helped me immensely just with poise and how to carry yourself. For this film I just did called Easy Virtue, this woman is so elegant. She's from 1929, and the way she holds herself and walks, everything is just elegant. The ballet helped me with the way that I move my arms and the way that I stretch my neck and keep my shoulders back. It's very interesting how much all of the physical activities that I've done in my life have been a very intrinsic element in my career.

GIRL: Tell us more about the kind of impact playing sports had on you as an actor.

Biel: As an actor, I am very comfortable with my body and that comes from sports. I know it very well. I'm aware of how my muscles feel, what it feels like when anything changes. Playing sports and being physical helps me maintain that sort of relationship with my own body. So when I'm doing something, or performing in a physical role, I understand that. Physical challenges make a lot of sense to me and I actually really enjoy doing roles and playing characters that are also very aware of and understand their bodies and know how to use them. Like, for example, I know how to use the body as a weapon, I understand how to use coordination. All that has helped me.

GIRL: Who are your sports heroes? Who do you look up to? Biel: Mia Hamm was my idol growing up. Seeing Mia's muscular, fit body has just done so much for my psyche, for what I think is beautiful. I'll look at her -- and now at other women—and think, "Wow, she is so muscular, and she clearly knows what she's doing with her body and takes such good care of herself." That to me is very beautiful. Playing sports helps me de-stress. When I run, play soccer or volleyball, or take a swim, it helps me maintain a calm, peaceful lifestyle in a very crazy, manic world.

GIRL: Who's your favorite team or player? Biel: I'm a Lakers fan and right now my favorite athlete is Kobe. He's effortless and it's just amazing to watch him. He kills it!

GIRL: So what's the absolute hardest thing you've ever trained for? Biel: That's a good question. I would probably say the movie "Blade: Trinity." That was exceptionally hard. I was on an incredible diet and on a crazy workout schedule where I was learning martial arts and learning to shoot a cross bow and going to a gym to work with a trainer. Those three activities pretty much every day. That was an intense, intense training experience.

GIRL: How do you stay in shape now, and do you get a chance to play team sports? Biel: I actually haven't played team sports in a handful of years on a consistent basis, which is definitely disappointing, 'cause I miss it so much. But I'm playing golf now and I'm really enjoying that. I play lots of volleyball in the summer. I also spend a lot of time working with a trainer and doing yoga.

GIRL: So you favor variety in your workout? Biel: I change it up all the time. I think it's really good for me mentally so I don't get bored, and really important for your muscles not to do the same thing over and over again. It's kind of like using the same shampoo over and over -- it just eventually stops working.

GIRL: OK, last two questions. Back to soccer: In your opinion, why did the first women's professional soccer league fail? Biel: That's a good question. I don't know. It's terribly disappointing. 'Cause those women are so talented and incredible. It is unacceptable. But it's that way with all women's sports, isn't it? I mean, nobody watches women's basketball championship finals. It's just not nationally supported and it really stinks, if you ask me.

GIRL: Final question: You're playing on the USA Women's Soccer team. It's the championship game, a minute left, knotted 1-all. On the previous play, you're fouled and get a free kick. It's you and the goalie. You kick and score the winning goal! How does Jessica celebrate? Biel: How would I celebrate if I was on the USA Women's Soccer Team and we just won the championship game? I have to say: shirt over the head, arms outstretched, take a lap!

What's in Jess' gym bag?

ASICS: "For running." NIKES: "For gym workouts and cross-training." TIMEX WATCH: "So I can time my runs and intervals." RUBBER BANDS: "I put them around my ankles and my knees." WATER BOTTLE: "An eco- friendly one." LIZ EARLE FACE WASH: "And moisturizer for afterwards!" FLIP FLOPS: "To shower in at the gym."

[imagineyouandharry]

enemies to lovers harry!

Yes! So, I got super inspired by this and rushed to pump this little bad boy out. Feedback is highly appreciated! I’m thinking this will be part one of a series! I love collage au Harry it makes me all fuzzy inside. TYSM anon!!

GHB - Harry Styles

warnings: drug and alcohol use, drink spiking, not proofread or edited as it was made in haste. 

word count: 4,704

It wasn’t that Y/N and Harry just weren’t friends, they despised each other. Ever since Harry weaselled his way into their friend group things had turned upside down, the dynamic had shifted, and it was a new person that Y/N had to get used to. His confidence and outgoing personality overpowered her shy, introverted personality tenfold. College life was difficult enough. Not only was Y/N learning how to balance academics with maintaining a social life and going out to parties, navigating things new to her like alcohol, drugs, and sex; but now she had to adjust to this shift in their friend group, and get to know this new guy. Her friendship group was her safe place, ‘family’ dinners at each other’s apartments, going out to dinner at bars, even little things like going for walks or taking a new yoga or pilates class. Now, that safe place didn’t feel so safe anymore, having to get used to this new guy being around all the time that everyone gushed over. Harry seemed so warm to practically everyone in the group towards Y/N, though everyone seemed to be clueless towards it except for her.

Harry and Y/N shared one class together, educational psychology. She’d been studying education to become a primary school teacher, and he studied psychology. It felt so fucking ironic that the one class they would ever have overlapping, they’d end up in the same class, to add salt to the wound in the second lesson they had been assigned to do a group project together. Harry hadn’t even shown up to that lesson though, so he’d yet to even acknowledge it. It was the second semester of Harry being around and not only did he barely acknowledge her when their friends weren’t around, but now they were to be working on an assignment together and he hadn’t even managed to show up to the first lesson discussing the topic.

“No, I’m serious Sarah. I don’t want to go. He didn’t even show up to class today, why should I give him my time of day by showing up to his stupid fucking party?” Y/N’s words were followed by a deep sigh, the way she curled her hair as she stared in the mirror contradicted her words. If all her friends were going, she felt like she had no choice but to go to. If not, she’d get major FOMO. “Babe, you’re taking it way too personality. It’s not like either of you knew you’d end up partnered together for the assignment. I really don’t get why you’re always so sour towards him.” Sarah replied with a slight shake of her head. “It’s been what, six months and the two of you still stand on opposite sides of the rest of us in photos? It’s either crazy sexual tension, or the there’s something that’s happened that the rest of us don’t know about.” This time Sarah couldn’t help but laugh, however all of their friend group had been theorising for a while now that Harry and Y/N were just too into each other and both too stubborn to admit their feelings.

Y/N scoffed, turning the curling iron off and placing it down on the counter. “Sexual tension? ‘d rather cut off my left arm than even think of Harry in a sexual way.” Her words had venom to them this time, grabbing a brush to brush out and soften her curls. Although she claimed to not have any attraction towards Harry, she’d put far more effort into her appearance than usual, and was wearing this little satin sage green dress that was exaggerating her curves.

“Whatever, you ready? Uber’s out front.” Sarah pushed herself up from the closed toilet seat she’d been sitting on, Y/N finished work late and Sarah had been far too excited to wait to get ready. Harry lived in a share house in the suburb over, and Sarah had been begging him to throw a party for months now. “One last shot on the way out?” She asked, it wasn’t a question though, she was already on her way to the kitchen to pout them one last shot of tequila before leaving. Y/N nods and follows her out, grabbing her oversized leather blazer and little handbag on the way. Y/N was shy, but around Sarah she was usually a lot more vocal, there was just a great deal of nerves surrounding tonight. Y/N always tried her best to come off as outgoing at parties and around other peoples, but really she hated the crowds, hating having to make conversation with people she knows nothing about. After a few drinks that shyness often faded though, and was usually replaced with either a blabber mouth, or being far more flirtatious than normal.

Both of the girls hastily downed their shots before exiting the apartment, hustling down the stairs and out to their ride that awaited them outside. The ride wasn’t long at all, it was too short if anything, and was spent sneaking sips of tequila from a flask that Sarah had in her purse. “Let’s have some fun tonight, yeah? I know you aren’t best of friends with Harry but there’ll be plenty of other people there, I doubt you’ll even see him much.” Sarah tells Y/N as the car turned into his street, able to tell that her best friend’s attitude was off. “I get that. It’ll be fine, stop worrying about me, yeah? It’ll be fun.” Y/N replied with a slightly forced smile in attempt to shake Sarah off of her tail. The Uber arrived before the conversation could go any further, both of the girls slightly drunk already made their thanks to the Uber driver probably too over the top before they left and made their way up to the house. People were overflowing already, some sitting on the grass outside the large brick house. The door was unlocked so they made their way in, the bass inside so strong that Y/N could feel it on her fingertips on the doorhandles as she opened the door.

Now, it wasn’t that Harry was known as a bad boy around campus or anything of the sorts. Everyone knows he’s approachable and friendly, which was probably what added to his appeal. He had a bright personality and knew how to make people feel special to him, and for that and his looks girls flocked to him. Harry was known to be fun, handsome, and good to be around (to everyone except for Y/N, that is). It was a given that the party would be full of girls, and full of guys ready to clean up any of Harry’s sloppy seconds or rejects.

The first to formally greet Y/N and Sarah was of course Mitch, who had been on the lookout waiting for the two of them since he first arrived to help set up. “M’ladies, ‘bout time the two of you showed up.” The stupid grin on his face and the way he hugged each of them probably a little too hard was enough to give away that he’d been drinking quite a bit already. He already had a drink in his hand waiting for Sarah, planting a kiss to her forehead as he handed it to her. “Two hands so I could only hold two drinks, but there’s heaps in the kitchen. Grab a drink and come meet us outside for a smoke?” Mitch asked down to Y/N, she didn’t take offence to him not getting her a drink, and to be honest she’d rather make her own anyway. “You got it captain.” Y/N replied, giving the tall man a playful salute before she made her way to the kitchen, dodging bodies and conversations so she could get herself a drink.

That drink became much more needed when she entered the kitchen, her mouth going dry when she saw Harry leaning against the counter as he looked down at his phone, ferociously texting. He looked up when Y/N brushed past him to grab a cup, pouring in some tequila. “Not going to say hey?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. He grabbed the Sprite from the fridge, although they didn’t speak he still knew her go-to. “Looked busy.” She responds, her voice blunt. “Thanks.” She adds in regard to the Sprite as he passed it to her, her guilty conscience wouldn’t let her live down being so impolite if she didn’t thank him. “Didn’t know this party would still happen since you didn’t show up to class today. We got partnered up for the presentation assignment.” She adds, it was bugging her far too much to just let it slide. “Yeah, sorry. I was meant to be back in time, had to pick coke up off this guy a few towns over and he kept me waiting outside his place for like an hour. Fill me in on it all when I’m not drunk?” He asks, standing next to her as he mixed his own drink. “I guess, yeah. Don’t expect me to do all the work though, and I actually want to go well in this class so it wouldn’t hurt if you actually put in some effort.” Maybe it was the alcohol, but Y/N was being a lot more demanding than she usually was, and her demeanour a lot more cold and forward than she’d often let on.

“Fuck, alright. I think you need to pour a bit more into your drink and loosen up some more.” Harry laughs, shaking his head before he grabbed the bottle of tequila and added an extra splash to her drink. Y/N took her first proper look at Harry, only to shoot him a narrow eyed glare. It was hard to stay mad though, the tequila from pre-game and the Uber was making it harder to be serious and angry, and his outfit was enough to make her drool. He wore cream wide legged trousers that went to the floor, and a white ribbed tank top tucked in. By far he had the nicest taste out of any guy she’d ever met, that was hard to deny. It was just a house party, but people often took any excuse they could to dress up a little bit. On the other side of things, Harry couldn’t take his eyes off of Y/N. He was used to seeing her in her usually Nike sweats and vintage sweater, which he still thought she looked beautiful in regardless but he’d never admit that to anyone. To him, Y/N was untouchable. Sure people in their friend group dated like Sarah and Mitch, but he didn’t want to ruin things. That, and she seemed too uptight for him anyway, he often mistook her shy attitude as coming off as a snob, and the way she spoke about the stupid group assignment only drilled that view of her into Harry’s head further.

“Get out of it.” Y/N grunts, sliding her drink away from Harry. “Love, can we just pretend to get long for one night? Have a dance, have a drink. Do you want some coke or something? Or, I think there’s people hot boxing the upstairs bathroom if that’s more your speed.” Harry offers, attempting to extend the olive branch to the standoffish girl beside him. “I’m far too sober to take up any of those offers. Anyway, good talk. Let me know when you’re free to talk about the presentation. I’ll see you ‘round, Harry.” Y/N said, giving Harry a far too sarcastic smile before she grabbed her drink and made her way out to the backyard to find Mitch and Sarah.

A group of people sat out by a fire pit in the corner of the backyard, garden chairs and outdoor lounges circling the source of warmth. Mitch and Sarah had saved Y/N a spot, to which she happily plopped down into. “Took you long enough.” Sarah teased, elbowing her side. “Mm, cup shortage going on in there.” She said, taking a sip. She fished the little nicotine vape out of her bag, sucking on that as she looked into the fire. Alright, if you don’t lighten up already everyone’s going to think you’re a party pooper and a trash time to be around. Loosen up. Make friends. Her little pep talk in her head, and the sip of her stronger than usual drink courtesy of Harry was motivating enough to engage in conversation with some other people around the fire pit. Most were smoking actual cigarettes or joints, Y/N preferred the little flavoured vapes. She’d never been addicted, but smoked more as a social thing, and at least this way it didn’t taste bad and she didn’t smell like cigarettes.

Conversation flowed, Naomi and Adam joined them, but Harry was still inside. Everyone just assumed he was probably distracted with some girl, or attending to party host responsibilities. “I’m going to pop to the toilet really quick and grab another drink.” Y/N told Sarah once she’d polished off what was left in her cup. She got up and made her way inside, she didn’t get all too far on her journey to the bathroom before she was stopped by Max.

Y/N and Max had known each other for a while now, they’d hooked up at parties a few times before she came to her senses and started avoiding him while out. He wasn’t taking the rejection all that lightly. “Hey, been looking for you. Drink?” He asks, holding out the little red cup containing God only knows what. The alcohol pumping through her veins was prohibiting her from thinking about it too much. “Uh, thanks. Didn’t know you’d be here tonight, friends with Harry?” She asked as she took the cup, having a sip. Tequila and orange juice, not her favourite mix but it would do. Max shrugged. “Figured you’d be here, thought we could catch up. Come down and dance with me?” He replied, moving his hand to her waist which made her stomach turn. “Maybe later, I’m in a hurry though. I’ll see you later on.” Y/N managed to push herself past him, only to get caught in a group of girls from a sociology class she’d taken last semester.

The girls babbled on, and as they did Y/N managed to finish off her drink. By the time the cup was empty she was desperate for the bathroom, the conversations ended up lasting almost half an hour, ending with promises of ‘we have to catch up soon!’. When she managed to peel herself away from the girls she found the bathroom, ending up staying in there for a little while enjoying the solace of being alone. Things started to not feel right as she sat there on the bathroom floor. The room began to spin, and confusion began to set in about what was going on, or where she even was. Nausea began to set in, but she was too out of it to even begin to panic or use her phone to call or message anyone. The last thing she could remember was managing to lean over to vomit in the toilet before laying down on the floor as she lost consciousness, the cold tiles pressing against her bare legs.

Harry had been standing at the end of the hallway talking to Holly, a gorgeous girl from one of his classes that he’d been hoping to see tonight. Harry was an observant guy though, he always knew what was going on around him. From the corner of his eye he’d noticed Max give Y/N the drink, thinking not much of it as he knew that the two of them had hooked up before. Harry continued talking up and making out with the girl he stood with, making promises of having her over sometime to watch films and order in dinner. Harry would never take advantage of a drunk girl and had no intention of going any further with her than making out. The tall boy went downstairs to make himself and his girl of the night a drink, when he came back upstairs he noticed Y/N go into the bathroom. He continued his conversation with Holly, sipping their drinks as they laughed and flirted with each other. Concerns began to rise when Y/N never left the bathroom though, and it was like he began to sober up when he noticed Max making his way towards the bathroom. He set his drink down on the windowsill. “Give me a second.” He murmurs to Holly before he made his way to stand between Max and the bathroom door.

“This one’s occupied, mate. Try the downstairs bathroom.” He said, his voice stern. “Y/N texted me, said she wanted me to meet her in there.” Max replied, though Harry knew his phone had died at leat an hour ago as he heard him moaning about it to his mates. “Really? Because she just texted me saying she wanted me in there. I think it’s time for you to head off.” Harry stood his ground, matching his lies with his own. Harry was taller than Max, not necessarily more buff, but he was more intimidating when he wanted to be, and it was his house, full of his friends and people who would back him up. “You know what? Have fun. She’s too fucking difficult anyway.” Max was clearly disgruntled as he spoke, turning around and trudging off without another word.

Harry knocked on the bathroom door, pressing his ear against it to see if he could hear anything coming from inside. “Y/N? You alright, love?” He calls, his voice competing with the loud music pumping through the house. After a minute of no responses to his knocks or calls he made his way into the unlocked room, closing the door behind him. “Fuck.” He hissed when he saw the girl on the floor, immediately he took out his phone and ordered an Uber. He leant down and put her bag over his shoulder, making sure it had her phone and things still in it before scooping her up. The way her body was completely limp in his arms made him sick. How could anyone do this to someone? He made sure she was breathing, she was breathing loud enough that she was practically snoring in his arms. “Fuckin’ hell, pet.” He couldn’t help but sigh. Harry had always had a protective nature, and while he’d never admit his attraction towards Y/N he clearly cared about her enough to do this. He carried her outside to wait out in the fresh air for the car, ignoring any questions from people that tried to stop him. The rest of their friend group were still in the backyard, oblivious to anything going on.

He had decided he’d have to take her home, she wasn’t showing any signs of waking up soon. Holly wasn’t even an afterthought for Harry right now, too concerned with ensuring Y/N’s safety. When the Uber eventually did arrive he got in, being careful to do her seatbelt up before he did his as he told the driver where to go. “Big night, huh?” The driver laughs, Harry attempted a laugh in response. He didn’t want to look suspicious, or like he was the one that had drugged her. “Very big night, gotta get this one home to bed.” Harry replied, attempting to joke around with the driver for the rest of the ride. Y/N still showed no signs of regaining consciousness, he contemplated whether or not hospital was the right idea but he was also pretty knowledgable about this sort of stuff. Not that he’d ever date raped someone before, but Harry experimented with drugs himself and he’d researched GHB before and knew the side effects. It was just something that interested him, chemicals and the impact they had on the body. It came in handy too, like in situations like this.

Once the car pulled up to Y/N and Sarah’s apartment building he took her up, managing to hold her over one shoulder as he fished the keys out of his back and pushed inside. The paranoid part of him made sure to lock the door after them, in case Max decided to follow. He took her to her bedroom, laying her on the bed and taking her jacket and heels off before tucking her under the blankets. He didn’t want to change her, not wanting her to feel more violated than she already had been. In place of putting warm pyjamas on her he managed to find an extra blanket to put over her, then putting a glass of water and a box of Advil beside the bed before he went and sat down on the couch to finally breathe for a minute.

He felt guilty, even though it wasn’t his fault he felt like it fell on his shoulders. It was his party. He hadn’t known that Max was like that, hell, he barely knew the guy. He laid down on the couch as he thought about it, staring up at the ceiling. He would never forget the feeling of having her limp body in his arms, or seeing her unconscious on that bathroom floor. He wasn’t sure how much time passed as he laid there contemplating the evening, but eventually he fell asleep there, still fully clothed with his shoes on.

***

The pounding in Y/N’s head was what woke her up so early, when she reluctantly opened her eyes to check the clock beside her bed it read 6:12am. What the fuck happened, and how did I get here? She barely even remembered the events that led to her in that bathroom, and she definitely had no clue how she got home. She sat up slowly as if to not anger the headache she had, reaching out for the water and Advil that was beside the alarm clock. Although she wanted to just curl up and hide under the blankets, she knew that wouldn’t help, and the makeup still on her face wasn’t helping how she was feeling. After taking the pain killers she made her way to the bathroom to have a hot shower, closing her eyes as she leant against the wall letting the hot water run over her body to comfort her. It was jut her and Sarah that lived in the apartment, and occasionally Mitch would come over, so she just wrapped a towel around her body after towel drying her hair before she went out to the kitchen to make coffee.

On her way was when she noticed the snoring Harry on the couch, her eyes going wide as she tried to think about why on Earth he would be here. She figured they hadn’t done anything, considering he had slept on the couch and still had his fucking shoes on. She went to her bedroom and replaced the towel she was using to cover herself with a fuzzy white robe, then going to the kitchen to make coffee and wait for the Advil to kick in. Never had she ever get so hungover, she was usually blessed to never get bad hangovers, always making sure to drink loads of water and eat before bed after a night out. There was nothing worse than waking up like this.

It was early, so she decided to not wake Harry with a cup of coffee. She made hers and then returned to her room to scroll through her phone. There were dozens of missed calls and texts from her friends. Sarah had left a bunch of messages asking where she was, letting her know she’d be staying at Mitch’s for the night. There was even a few from Max calling her things like a ‘dumb slut’, to which she promptly deleted.

About an hour went by before she heard a rustling in the living room, venturing out to go see Harry, and hopefully find some answers about last night. “Hey, morning.” Her voice was soft as she leant in the doorway that connected the living room to the hallway that led to her and Sarah’s bedroom and the bathroom. Harry turned around to her quickly, his face full of concern. “How you feeling?” He asked, rubbing some sleep from his eyes. “I’ve felt better. Do you uh, know what happened last night?” She asked, holding her empty coffee mug in one hand. She’d refill hers and make Harry one if he decided to stay. “I think you were drugged, by that Max guy. Took you home ‘cause you were passed out in the bathroom. Don’t worry, nothing happened to you.” He said, sitting down on the arm of the sofa. He didn’t feel too bad, he sobered up pretty much completely before he fell asleep. “Oh…” Was all Y/N could respond with. She didn’t know how to handle that news, and she didn’t want to get all emotional in front of Harry. It was a confusing feeling that she wasn’t sure how to deal with.

“Want some coffee?” She asks him, part of her embarrassed about what had happened and the fact that he’d had to leave the party to take care of her. “That’d be lovely. Black, no sugar.” He said, a slight smile on his lips. He didn’t want to push her to talk about what happened, and it seemed like changing the conversation was how she wanted to handle it for now. Y/N nods, going into the kitchen to make some coffee for the two of them. Harry waited in his spot, running his hands through his hair. “You mind if I have a quick shower?” He calls out to her. “Sure! Mitch leaves clothes here, in the top drawer of Sarah’s dresser!” She called back, the volume in her voice was enough to somewhat trigger her headache again. She finished up making their mugs of coffee before she went to the couch to wait for Harry, setting his mug down beside hers. It felt strange, being alone with him.

When Harry came back his hair was still damp from his shower, and he smelt like her vanilla and honey body wash. “Thank you, for last night. I really appreciate it… I know it must’ve sucked leaving the party and if there’s any way I can make it up to you. I’m so embarrassed, and I’m really lucky that you were there to get me home.” Y/N was probably rambling, speaking almost too fast for Harry to comprehend this early in the morning. “Love, it’s fine. There’ll be other parties. Just glad you go home safe. If I see that weasel of a bloke again I’ll be giving him a fuckin’ piece of my mind.” Harry angered just thinking about what had happened, sitting down on the couch beside her. He wore some grey sweats and an old Pink Floyd t-shirt that Mitch had left. “Well, thank you. If you wanna stick around I’ll make some breakfast? Sarah and I usually make waffles and watch The Simpsons every Saturday morning.” She tells him, it was the most hospitality she’d ever shown towards Harry. It took him back slightly, not expecting her to be so warm towards him. He swears she’d even smiled at him as she made the offer, he’d never really seen her smile at him before. “Fuck it. It’ll be a good story to tell the others, doubt they’d believe we sat in the same room as each other and got along for this long.” He chuckles, sinking into the couch as he had a sip from his mug, looking to the tv as the girl beside him put on the silly cartoon. Maybe this was the start of a friendship, or not, but the two of them both felt at ease finally being at peace with each other for once, regardless for how long it was going to last.

[css1992]

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply. 

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V /  Part VI /  Part VII /  Part VIII  / Part IX / Part X /  Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

Almost three months into his new life, Peter was finally able to establish a routine that worked for him. He woke up around nine in the morning, tried to get some sort of exercise done, usually yoga or a jog around the block, then he had breakfast by himself, because both Ned and MJ had class or work before he was even up. After that, he made sure to post something on Just4fans, so people could see it throughout the day, and answered private messages and comments from the night before. Lastly, he headed to his newly created Twitter account to promote the new content and to interact with people there as well – it was a great way to get new subscribers.

That usually took up most of his morning, then he went downstairs to Ned and MJ’s apartment for lunch. He usually ate with at least one of them, except for Mondays and Wednesdays, when neither was home, but even then he ate at their place since he didn’t own any kitchen appliances yet – it was on the priority list, but not that high up, he liked having an excuse to visit his friends every day.

Later, he headed back upstairs and, depending on the day, he would take new pictures and videos or edit the ones he took the day before. Finally, at night, he posted more content on his Just4fans and chatted with his subscribers until it was time for bed.

In the last week of April, on one of his morning jogs, he noticed that just a few blocks away from his building there was a charity called the Bright Future Foundation. He thought the name sounded familiar, but try as he may, he couldn’t remember where he had heard of them. It was only after running past it a few times that it clicked – Mr. Harrington, his science teacher, told Peter to look it up.

The Bright Future Foundation helped kids who aged out of foster care get their lives together. They offered support in the form of scholarships and grants, academic and personal mentoring, and help with internships and employment readiness skills. That was what their website said, as Peter vaguely remembered from his high school years, when he still planned on going to college.

He went inside one day, not really sure why, and when the front desk lady asked how she could help him he just stood there for a few minutes, silent and nervous. She asked if he wanted to learn about their programs, but he shook his head, sticking his hands in his pockets. The woman waited patiently, a motherly smile on her face, until Peter asked if they needed any help.

And that was how volunteering at BFF became a part of his new routine – every Thursday from nine to five, starting in the first week of May. Since it was just a few blocks away from his place, he could walk there instead of taking the subway.

He liked his new routine, it was tiring but it didn’t leave a lot of time for overthinking or ruminating on the past. He never felt lonely because Ned and MJ were always around and he actually made a few friends among his subscribers, which was nice.

For the first time in a while, Peter was feeling happy. And it wasn’t an elaborate, fragile sort of happiness, where things needed to be in perfect place for the feeling to be felt, no. It was the simplest kind of happiness: he had friends, a job, a place to crash and everything was fine. Nothing was perfect, but it was fine.

A few days after he sent Tony the lingerie pictures, he decided to send him the video. He was a little insecure about it, it was 13 minutes long after editing and Peter had really lost it for a minute there, one could clearly tell. He was gone for most of the video, a moaning mess, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, begging for something – someone – that wasn’t even there. It either looked ridiculous or fucking hot depending on the person watching, and even though he was pretty sure Tony would not think it was ridiculous, he still worried just a little, but he sent it anyway. It was still early in the day when he did, some time around noon, and he didn’t expect him to answer any time soon, so went on with his day.

Tony messaged him around 2AM, as usual, but there was no text, just three videos in the chat. In the first one, it looked like he was wearing a suit, he could see the dress pants pulled down and the white shirt pulled up as Tony jacked off for thirty seconds before he came all over his hand. It looked like he was in a bathroom stall, sitting on a toilet, and Peter bit his lower lip, wondering if he was at work when the video was taken.

The second video was similar to the first, but it looked like he was in a garage or something like that – probably the workshop he always talked about –, Peter could see a black shirt bunched up around his waist and sweatpants around his thighs.

Last but not least there was a video of him completely naked, lying in bed, and the video was shot from Tony’s point of view, like he was holding his cell phone close to his face, looking down, instead of propping it up in front of him like he usually did.

They were all incredible and delicious and got Peter rock hard in a second. The boy got comfortable on the bed, lay on his back, took off his pajama bottoms and sighed when his cock sprung free, shivering a little when the chilly night air touched his heated skin. He planted his feet on the mattress and spread his legs, but didn’t do more than that yet.

“That good?” He messaged Tony, cheekily, and the older man started typing right away.

“This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole entire life and I’m 48, so yeah. That good.”

Hm, forty-eight. So Peter wasn’t wrong in his assumption. He bit his lower lip, a rush of excitement running through his veins. Tony was so much older, almost thirty years his senior. Peter supposed he must be really experienced. He wondered if he usually hooked up with younger men or if in real life he only dated women – it wouldn’t be a shock – but most of all, he wondered what he looked like. Maybe he dyed his hair, but if he didn’t, it was probably mostly gray and fuck Peter if he didn’t have a thing for that.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about it. You broke me. I was in the middle of a meeting when you sent that video, I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to watch it. What have you done to me, witch?” Peter wanted to laugh, but it got stuck in the back of his throat with a moan when he slid a hand to his lower abdomen and his cock stood to attention.

“I don’t know about that, but your videos sure got me horny as fuck.” He rolled his hips a little, humping the air, and finally gave in to himself, holding his cock in one hand and the cellphone in the other.

“Is that so?” He could almost hear his voice through the phone – soft, but powerful. He always imagined Tony would sound like that if they ever talked face to face.

“Yes, daddy” And that would always be his default answer to anything he might ask with that voice. He closed his eyes for a second, quickening the pace of his strokes just a little, when his phone beeped again.

“Are you touching yourself right now?”

“Yes, daddy” Peter shivered, imagining Tony’s reaction to that revelation.

“Can I hear you, baby boy?”

He didn’t even hesitate, he started recording a voice message and moaned into the phone, thrusting his hips against his fist as he quietly begged for Tony’s cock, his fingers, his mouth, anything, he just wanted the man to be there taking care of him, making him cum, that was all he wanted, and he wanted it so badly.

He came in just a few seconds and hit send on the voice message before he could overthink it. As he lay there, breathless, staring at the ceiling and trying to gather his strength, he fantasized about Tony listening to it. He smiled to himself, like an idiot, then his cellphone beeped, bringing him back to reality.

“You’re gonna drive me mad, you know that? I’m actually going insane and it’s all your fault. Also, my dick is gonna fall off and that’s on you, too.” Peter had the presence of mind to laugh at the message, but it took him a few seconds to gather enough energy to write back to him.

“That’s a serious accusation, Tony, I’m gonna need all the evidence I can get, so every time you touch yourself thinking of me, make sure to send me proof, ok?”

“Oh, you don’t know what you just got yourself into.” Again, Peter could only laugh, because judging by the amount of videos Tony sent him that day, he really was in for a treat.

Days later, on Friday, Peter got up early to go for his usual jog around the block. He was a little tired from the day before, still adjusting to his new routine at BFF – it was his third week there and they were starting to realize that Peter was a quick learner and very eager to help, so they took advantage of that, which was fine with him, he was thrilled to be able to help somehow.

So after a quick, half-assed jog around the block, he went back home, showered and decided to take the rest of the pictures Tony asked for. The man was still going nuts over the video, he wouldn’t stop talking about it and every day there was a video of him finishing himself off in their chat and Peter could hear his own voice in the background, screaming Tony’s name.

It was both embarrassing as fuck and hot as hell, so the younger man also spent a lot of those last few days in the shower trying to cool down, but Tony was not making it easier.

As much fun as that was, he was curious to see how Tony would react to the new pictures. He realized that would be the first time the older man would see him with clothes on, which sounded ridiculous, but it was true. He didn’t have many pictures on Instagram, but most of them were selfies and there were just a few where it was possible to see maybe a hint of a shirt, but that was it.

So he took the outfit he and MJ picked out and winced, remembering how much it cost, but at least he picked out clothes he might wear some day – if he had a meeting with the queen of England, for example. He put on the light gray suit by Hugo Boss, with a pink shirt with big, white dots by Levi’s Vintage underneath, black dress shoes by Brunello Cucinelli and a Gucci watch he was able to find on sale for half the original price. The whole outfit was worth around five thousand dollars, and was definitely the most money he had ever spent on – well, anything.

He checked himself in the mirror and snorted a little, he sure looked like a spoiled brat, which was probably what Tony meant by “expensive and beautiful”, so that was fine. He styled his hair so it looked effortlessly tousled, but not too much, and set his camera to take the pictures by the living room window.

He took a few pictures on the windowsill, some other leaning against the glass with his hands in his pockets, a few others looking out the window. He posed on his armchair, too, which was the only piece of furniture he had in his living room at the moment and he wished he had a decent dining table so he could pose like he was on a date with the camera, but he supposed those would do.

Once he was satisfied with what he got, he took off the clothes, put them away and went downstairs to have lunch with Ned and MJ. For the first time since he moved in with them, they both had Friday afternoon off, so they spent it together, eating junk food, watching bad TV series and playing really old tabletop games Ned had brought with him when he moved from his parents’ house.  

In between a game of Monopoly and Scrabble, Peter pulled his phone out to check his messages, and was surprised to find one from Tony, sent just a few minutes earlier. He checked the time and noticed he must still be at work, so he opened it, assuming it couldn’t be anything too sexual.

“Hey, are you feeling better today? Just checking in.”

Peter frowned for a second, but a quick look at their earlier messages reminded him that he was feeling a little under the weather the day before and he’d told Tony that before he went to bed.

“Hi, Tony! I’m all better now, thanks for asking. I guess it was just allergies or something.”

He didn’t expect Tony to answer right away, but as soon as his message was sent, he started typing.  

“That’s good to hear, but you need to be a little more careful with your health, kitten. Just yesterday you said you had an apple for lunch. At 4PM.”

“You’re one to talk.” Peter snorted. They always berated each other for poor eating habits. Peter was a 20 year-old bachelor living by himself and sharing meals with his equally young and dumb friends, so pizza was on the menu more often than not; Tony was a forty-eight year-old businessman with too little time to care. “Did you even eat today?”

“Don’t try to turn this around, this isn’t about me.” Peter rolled his eyes and smiled to himself. “Did you do anything fun today?”

“I took some pictures for you, it was quite fun.” He knew the mention of new pictures would get him interested in a minute.

“Don’t play with my heart, kid. When can I see them?”

“I don’t know...” He teased just a little, because he knew Tony wasn’t above begging and it was fun to watch.

“Don’t be mean to daddy, come on. He’s always so good to you.” Peter smiled, because, yeah. He was.

“I’ll send them tonight, I promise.” He decided, since they would have more time to talk then, if he sent the pictures earlier, Tony would still be at work and Peter would still be at his friends’.

“Good boy.”

“You know I am.”

“What are you smiling about? Who are you talking to?” Ned looked suspiciously at him, so he quickly put the phone down and shook his head with a nervous smile.

“Just a subscriber with a bad one-liner.”

MJ looked at him like she knew a secret, but Ned just shrugged and finished setting up the game.  They ended up calling it a draw and ordering pizza afterwards, but Peter went back home early because both Ned and MJ had work the next morning.

Once he got upstairs, he went to edit Tony’s pictures and since it was still a little early to send them, he decided to check his twitter DMs. He didn’t read them very often, he already had his plate full with JustForFans, but every once in a while he checked them and answered as many as he could. Most of the messages were dick pics anyway, he just ignored those. Some others were people being nosy and asking way too personal questions, or worse, asking about Beck. He learned how to talk his way around those, but one message in particular stood out and really got to him.  

“I’m so glad you’re doing okay, honey! The way Beck is with his new boy now makes me wonder if he ever even loved you. He sure moved on quickly. You’re better off without him anyway, I always liked you better.”

That sort of comment wasn’t exactly unusual, but that second part caught him a little off guard. Makes me wonder if he ever even loved you. It just – why would she say that?  The way Beck is with his new boy. What way, exactly? What could he possibly be doing that made that person assume Beck never even loved him? People thought they were perfect together, they said it all the time, so much so that Peter himself was almost convinced of it for most of their relationship, so why in the hell would anyone think he loved this other guy more? To the point of assuming he didn’t even love Peter in the first place?

He was a masochist, he decided, as he opened Instagram. And not even the good kind of masochist, because there wasn’t any pleasure involved in what he was about to do, just pain. He unblocked Beck’s profiled and fucking looked. He didn’t know what he expected to find, but just looking at the first picture was enough to make him realize it was a terrible fucking idea. It was a black and white picture of him and the new guy cuddling in bed, kissing with soft smiles on their faces, captioned: “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Peter closed the app quickly, he didn’t need to see that. It meant nothing.

That picture meant nothing. That caption meant nothing. Because Beck was a fucking liar, a fucking actor, a fucking illusionist, a fucking – artist. He painted beautiful pictures, he weaved beautiful words, but none of that meant anything. Because it never meant anything when it was Peter in his arms, so why would–

Fuck, he should be over him, so fucking over him. But he really wasn’t, he would go back to that toxic environment if Beck snapped his fingers and that was scary to know. It was fucking terrifying to realize he was one text away from crawling back to him, even after all the humiliation, even after Beck just fucking up and left him with nothing – nothing –  he would still go right back to his arms. He still wanted to go right back to his arms.

It made him feel pathetic and weak because he knew that what they had was toxic and abusive. And he had known that for a while, way before they split up. Deep in his soul, he knew he was living a nightmare, day after day, over and over again, but he couldn’t fucking leave. He thought Beck was all he had. He promised him forever. He promised he would always be there for him. He was all Peter had in life, and he had lost so fucking much over the years, he couldn’t afford to lose anybody else.

But he did, didn’t he? He lost Beck. He was in someone else’s arms right that second, professing his undying, fake love.

Peter took a deep breath and held it a few seconds, then exhaled slowly.

He didn’t lose anything, he was set free. He was free and he had a record to break – it had been three days since he last cried about that asshole and he didn’t plan to ruin it.

He closed Instagram and went to his Just4Fans. He posted a few pictures from a phoshoot he did earlier that week that made him feel sexy and confident, which was the opposite of how he felt at that moment, but he was going to fake it until he made it.

In a few minutes, he got lots of comments and private messages with compliments, but somehow none of them was enough to fill the empty spot Beck left when he dumped him.

Well, none except for one.

“Were you planning on giving an old man a heart attack today? ‘Cause that’s how you give an old man a heart attack.” The silly message got a smile out of him, and that was a lot considering how broken he felt.

“Lol. It wasn’t in my plans, no, but now I’m worried. Is the old man okay?” He joked, and immediately got an answer in his inbox.

“He’s waiting for you to keep your promise. Says he refuses to die before he sees some pictures of you? Do you happen to know anything about that?” Peter chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, I think I know what he’s talking about. Hold on a sec.”

He selected his ten favorite pictures with the date outfit and sent them to Tony, feeling butterflies in his stomach for reasons he couldn’t explain. He lay in bed for several minutes, staring at his phone, waiting for an answer, but the older man didn’t say anything, even though Peter could see he was still online. He started to get a little anxious, worried that he had messed up somehow, so he messaged him again.

“Well? Have I finally rendered the old man speechless?”

Almost at the same time as he sent his message, Tony replied:

“I need to see you.”

Peter’s heart almost jumped out of his mouth when he read those words, eyes widening in shock. I need to see you. He read it a few more times to make sure it meant what he thought it meant. It couldn’t possibly – Tony wouldn’t want to meet him. That would be absurd. He was – well, Peter wasn’t sure, but he sounded important most of the time, he was definitely very rich, very hardworking and he seemed like a really nice guy. So really, why would he want to meet Peter. That made absolutely no sense, obviously he meant something different than that, he just didn’t quite know what–

“Please,” said the next message, just a few seconds later.

Peter bit his lower lip, feeling his face grow warmer. Just for the hell of it, he thought – what if Tony did mean he wanted to meet him? What then? Peter couldn’t say yes, that would be insane. He didn’t even know the man, all he knew were little things about his daily life, he didn’t know his last name, if he had a family, if he was married, if he was a psychopath – he didn’t even know what he looked like!

Still, he fantasized about saying yes. But that was just a fantasy. He couldn’t do it, that would be crazy.

Right?

“You won’t regret it, I’ll treat you right.”

Well, fuck. He had to go straight for his Achilles’s heel, huh.

Peter kept staring at the bright screen of his phone, breathing slowly to try to contain his wild heart that seemed adamant to burst out of his chest cavity in the next few minutes. He didn’t know what to say. No, his brain supplied, like it was obvious, because it was, right? He couldn’t say yes, yes was not a viable answer. He had to say no, it was only a matter of how he would say it without hurting the older man’s ego.

But.

Why exactly did he have to say no? He knew there were ate least 99 good answers to that question, but he couldn’t think of one, so–

“How do I know you’re not a serial killer?” Peter asked, even though he wasn’t really worried about that, it was the last thing on his mind, to be honest.

“You’ll know.” He said, plain and simple, and not helpful at all. And still, no flight response whatsoever from Peter’s brain. His stupid mind couldn’t seem to understand that that was clearly a terrible idea.“We’ll meet in a restaurant, the best in New York, and nothing else has to happen, I promise. We’ll have a nice dinner and that’s it. I just need to see you in person.”

That sounded reasonable, didn’t it? A public place, lots of eyes on them. If Tony turned out to be a creep, he could just leave. At the very worst, he’d be disappointed and lose a very generous subscriber; at the very best, he’d get a good meal out of it and who knew what else. It sounded reasonable. So it was probably reasonable.

Right?

“Can I wear this outfit?” He asked, because, well, that was all he had to wear to New York City’s best restaurant – whatever that was.

“You must, baby.” He answered quickly, and Peter smiled to himself. “So I’ll take that as a yes, then?”

He typed a quick yes, but didn’t send it right away. He gave his brain a few seconds to come up with reasons to say no, because he knew there were good reasons for that, but he really, honestly, just wanted to say–  

“Yes.”

“Perfect.” He replied right away, as if he had been staring at the phone, waiting for his answer. “I’ll set a time and place and let you know. You won’t regret it, Peter.”

Peter loved all the pet names Tony gave him, they were all sweet and funny, but when he called him by his actual name, it just hit different. It felt good. Like he wasn’t just a pretty picture in a porn app, an expensive hobby, but a person. It was hard for him to remember that, sometimes.

Some other times, it felt good to forget.

[oftenderweapons]

I am enjoying the dance people are doing to this sound: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPd2hcAoN/ May I ask how would each of the boys react to their gf’s doing it

Okie, let's do this!!!

First of all, minors, do not interact.

Quick WARNINGS: grinding, dry humping, thigh riding, making out, very intimate touching, mentions of sex (cowgirl on the floor, seated reverse cowgirl on the couch) multiple rounds. Now, Let’s GOOO!!!

First, those who wouldn’t be quite able to do that:

Candy and maybe Angel would be really stiff, kind of rigid, barely tilting their hips. Angel would kind of grump about it and complain about it. She would feel very awkward.

Princess and Vixen would be a bit shy and take a while before they ace it. They would be really analytical about it, studying how it works anatomically before they give it a try.

Kitten would unexpectedly ace it after a couple tries. Giggles and Lace would flaunt it without a single doubt. Giggles would feel flustered about it, but dang, she’s got yoga hips, great flexibility, she’d make it. Lace has the belly dancer physique. She’s soft in all the right spots (yes, the ideal physique for a belly dancer is not flat stomach. Muffin top is strongly recommended. And ROOOOOOund hips. Lace has it all) Lace would be in her natural environment. Damn Queen of everything Female.

Now, reactions. Jeongguk would giggle and clap, then stand up beside Candy and teach her, from basic tilting hips to full waist and hips mobility exercises so she can hit the body rolls just right. He would be friendly and supportive, not an ounce of mischief in him except for that initial giggle.

Jin would laugh out loud, full windshield wiper laugh. Angel would stare him down with her head cocked to the side, arms crossed. He would apologise. She would push him to try it out. He would fail it on the first try. And then make it on the second. She would ask him to do it again, then move closer to him and simply start dancing with him. Very playful. Might turn into inappropriate stuff tho… 👀👀👀

Jimin would watch Princess, then move closer from behind her, place his hands on her lips and lead her in slow motion, at the beginning very innocently, just outright detached, full dance-teacher mode on. And then he would move together with her, his hips skimming her ass as they started picking up the pace. When he starts going through the motion in the opposite direction, increasing friction…? Everyone, leave really dang quick, these two have long history with dancing turning into dry humping.

Namjoon would stare. Then he would try himself. Vixen would explain what she understood out of it. They would team up until it’s done. Vixen would be only slightly more stiff than Namjoon. And then she would start teasing. I don’t know exactly how long it takes before he pulls her on his lap and tells her. “Just imagine you’re riding it.” That would fix the missing factor of the motion. Making out and thigh riding might entail.

Now, Kitten. She would do it so confidently Yoongi would just stare and blush. Then he would start hyping her up and that would initially get her a little flustered, but then she would get comfortable and just loosen up. Would they flirt? Most definitely. Would he grin once she loses her shirt? Oh yes. I’m not 100% sure it would turn sexual, but it might get steamy. Especially if Yoongi starts touching.

Giggles and Hoseok would turn flirty. He would watch her and be mesmerised. It would be unexpected. Then he would feel proud. Then he would join her. Similarly to Jimin, he would come up behind Giggles and start improvising. His hands would NOT be on her hips. At least, not both of them. His left would be around her hip, leading her. His right one would subtly start from her hip and then slide toward her lower belly, over her pubic bone. At the beginning he would be staring at the two of them in the mirror, then she would throw her head back, onto his shoulder. He would start teasing her neck. At that point clothes start coming off blah blah, cowgirl on the floor.

Now, Tae and Lace. He would be mesmerised. Completely enchanted. He would freeze and start undoing the top of his shirt. “You’re liking this, Tae?” He would nod. She would move closer. She would grow bolder, let the song roll. She would roll her hips more eloquently. Turn around to show him her ass. And we know he wants to touch. He would touch. He would grab. And she would dance for him. Hands everywhere, it need to end up with her bouncing on his lap, his chest pressed up against her back, one of his hands reaching for her breast, the other for her neck. Yes, it would take them at least three rounds before the spell wears off on Taehyung.

[aphrorite]

-ˏˋ sweetheart diaries ˊˎ- #7 !! 🌷🌸🎀

૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა ♡༘

⋆ ✧₊ june 5th 2022 ☀️✨🌷 ⊹ɞ

hewwo diary! m was thinking today wasnt gonna go 2 well bcos im regress/agedre on my period/blood moon n m n very much pain but yk what? today wasn so bad as i thought! :D

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶

so wha i do today diary ? welllll, i did LOTS n LOTS of work! 📝hehe. today im woke up around 9 ish, went onm phone for lil, then gots out of bed. m had delicious grill cheese for breakfast n then went back upstair. im wanted feel little so i look on tumblr for smol bit n enjoy that, but then i fell asleep on accident!! >_< my bed was too cozy ahhhhhh. am woke up at 1:11, angel numba!!!!! teehee 😋. but im woke up in sweat and it really annoying bcos when iw ent back upstair i was cold, though when i woke up my body warmed up so much dat i smell like sweat )): so tmr i shower so i can b extra fresh for school.

but you know wha. its ok to nap sometime. big me wouldv been big meanie and start pushing me down 😞😠 but the cg voice in me says that its OK to take a nap esp since i am on my period, n plus my mom took one too so i am not a bad exception! i am allowed to rest if i need, rest is healing. im need to give myself slack 2 especially since i basically relapsed ):

and dats crazy progress 2 becos this morning im thought id stay in bed all day cos of my period pain )))): imd ont know if i have endo but on my first few days of m period, my stomach realllyyy hurt (but it not cramps or hangry), and i cant even move my thighs or legs cos of pelvic pain. is very unfortunate ): though guess wah diary, i moved today!!!! i even did yoga!!! i write dat with a silly bunny grin hehe <3 ♪( ´▽｀)

so afta dat i went ahead n went on my laptopie for a lil bit, saw dat sims 4 was working!!!! which made me happs. but im weanted my cc from other computer, m sister one, so didnt play bcos of dat. so den i made mself a todo list n got started!／(^o^)＼ m spent lots time in agedre despite getting work done too so i happy for dat.

am ate some fruit loop, drank glass o watar in my favourit thermos w a straw, (i luv ice watar so much mmm), brush my hair, lotion arm and leg, changed into a white adidas crop top n a black pleated skirt, did sum stretches n yoga, n then got starts on my internship homework!

im finish dat in one hour and then wha relaly got annoying was my art homeworks )): i really, really dont like my teacher. shes really negativ n i feel like her personal life is seeping into her teaching cos she is very very not good at teaching and most of the class can agree that we have no sense of difrection and are mostly teaching ourselv. BUT in anycase it also took long 2 do homeworks for art bcos im didnt know what 2 write for reflection + problem bcos the quesetion didn make sense or the assignment instruction were too wordy n my ocd was really kickin in ))))): im kept going doe. had to finish it!! and u know.. diary?

<3 <3 I DID!!!!! I FINISH MY HOMEWORK AND I AM SO HAPPY ABT IT!!! <3 <3

n den i made lunch for tmr (ham cheese, cheezits, iced tea n granola bar), ate sum more foods, n den got ready for bed alon with prepare outfit for tomorrow! i am going 2 do great tomorrow n its going to go well. i am going to fill out me habit tracker, manifestation, go use lou, n then play sims a lil bits before bed. OH did i mention dat i found unicorn from basement? im had a bag full of my childhood stuffies n i found pink webkinz unicorn!!!! so she been by my side since yesterday along w bear. n during writing reflection 4 art im also lay on bear becos he let me n he loveee cuddle like dat, so im not hurting him. i luv bear lots cos he smell good.

im also organize my spotify playlist littol bit n delete some old screenies so i can organiz seagate more so it can b all clean clean!

thank u diary. unicorn luvs u. bear do too. im will pick myself up. i can do dis. i believe in myself!!! YEAH! WOO!!! 🥳🍭🍬

╭┈─────── urs truly, ࿐ ˊˎ-

╰┈➤ sweetheart xx

[daniyasocspace]

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

It had been no secret that Seungah had a crush on fellow member Jaeyoung. For a while, the feelings had been mutual and their members often teased them about it. As their idol careers began to blossom, things had sort of...fizzled out? For one of them, at least.

Warnings: Eh...none really. Just a bit of depression or overall sadness and longing.

Mentions: Kim Hana of @starlightoffical, Mali, Jaeyoung, Mi​nho of 2FOLD

It was not long after the groups debut that Jaeyoung - ever so professional as always - had realized dating someone who was essentially a coworker was not a good idea. He still had a great amount of respect for Seungah though. But his feelings for her eventually turned into something more harmless and sweet - basically, she felt like a younger sister to him. His relationship with Hana had started prior to the couple being casted in the same drama together, despite what some people like the staff thought.

Like the good friend and person he was, he sat down with the girl and had a talk and while she was broken hearted, she nodded and smiled, agreeing to keep things professional and friendly. She’d never force anything and understood why he felt how he did and knew she had to learn to deal with it.

When he started dating Kim Hana, she did feel a bit jealous but was happy for him because the two seemed so happy together. The way he talked about her, the way he looked at her...Did she wish she was the one on the receiving end? Of course! But seeing just how happy he was put her at ease, especially knowing his ex-girlfriend wasn’t exactly the kindest towards him and definitely took his sweet nature for granted.

"Did he not tell you?" Mali nods towards Hana, who had a slightly noticeable baby bump that her members were helping cover up. Seungah shook her head, sighing as she continued her stretches. "I've been busy with my part time job. Oppa never really got the chance, I guess."

It was the day of the SM evaluation and Starlight were there along with an advisor to critique the rookie group as a part of some SM agreement with Starpunch.

"Well that sucks. I'm sorry you had to find out like this."

Seungah shrugs, sighing again as she watched Jaeyoung talk with some of their members. "It's fine. I'm not super shocked or anything. He's always talked about having a family and everything. As long as he's happy, then I'm happy." Of course deep down it hurt her a bit. Guys like him were very hard to find, so knowing he was just out of her grasp was a crappy feeling.

Minho wanders over now, sliding down the mirror and staring at Seungah. "Why do you look like someone killed your Hamster or something?" He asks, brushing his hair back. Mali rolls her eyes at him. "Don't be such an asshole." She mutters. The two often fought like brother and sister.

"What? I'm just saying! Sunny here looks like she's about to start blubbering any minute." He sounds genuinely confused, oblivious as always. To be fair though, he wasn't used to seeing his member so sulky.

Seungah surprisingly cracked a smile when he calls her Sunny - which had become his new nickname for her due to her often "sunny" disposition. He was the only one who called her that, though, which made her feel special.

"Hello, doofus!" She motions in Hana's direction, then points at Jaeyoung before patting her stomach.

It takes a minute for things to click but when it does, he whistles and nods his head. "That is rough." He murmurs, eyeing their leader curiously. “Who would have thought our dear responsible prince and leader would be the one to get someone knocked up first.” He chuckles as he said that and Mali reaches over Seungah to smack his knee. 

“What? You can’t tell me you weren’t thinking the same! I figured it’d be our former fuckboy Majesty or even Siwoo who’d have an oops baby!”

Seungah gasps, staring at the older boy. “I don’t think this is an oops baby, Oppa. Jaeyoung-Oppa wouldn’t be that careless.” 

"I would have put you first then Yiu Man. We all know you’re in deep with that cute Yoga teacher at the gym.” Mali chuckles and Minho just shakes his head. “Yeona? We’re not that serious. And I definitely don’t want any at all. At least while I’m an idol. That shit would be brutal. I’d rather have all my focus on my music. I didn't work this hard to get this far only to be tied down by poopy diapers and a crying alarm clock."

Seungah pouts as she looks at him. "Babies are so cute though! They're more than just pooping and crying!"

"Ah, I forgot the drooling and burping part." Minho snickers, bumping Seungahs arm with his elbow. "Brighten up, Sunny! There's too much darkness around here lately. We need our ray of sunshine to lighten things!"

With that, he got up and went to chat with Jax and Yejun.

"He is such a loser." Mali mumbles as she pushed herself off the ground, holding her hand out to help Seungah up as well.

Not long after, Fae and Jaeyoung rounded them up to get ready for the evaluation, which was a breeze for everyone...except Seungah, who got nervous midway and forgot some lyrics.

She left the evaluations feeling happy for her group but disappointed in herself along with being embarrassed. Everyone had done perfect except for her.

She slung her bag over her shoulder, sighing as she paced the hallway. At some point, her manager pops up alerting her that CEO Ho wanted to speak with her and that news had her heart hammering in her chest. "Oh no..."

(To be continued...)

[vajranam]

Vajrayogini

Vajrayogini, also called Vajravarahi, in Vajrayana (Tantric Buddhism), female embodiment of the cognitive function leading to Buddhahood. Vajrayana emphasizes experience over speculation but uses the terms of speculative philosophical Buddhism in an imaginative way.

ajrayoginī is a tantric deity with no counterpart in Mahāyana Buddhism. She is a ḍākiṇī- literally a "sky-dancer", and figuratively a wild spirit who dances ecstatically in the clear blue sky of śūnyata. She is usually depicted as blood red in colour, naked except for elaborate ornaments of human bone, and a necklace of skulls, corresponding to the sixteen vowels and thirty-four consonants of the Sanskrit alphabet, and symbolising the purification of speech. In her right hand she holds a flaying knife with a vajra handle - a vajra-chopper - which she uses to cut off attachments. In her left hand is a skull cup filled with mahāsukha (the great bliss) which she pours out like wine to her devotees. In the crook of her left arm she cradles a khatvanga or magic staff. Her iconography is rich and multifaceted.

Practices and mantras associated with Vajrayoginī are often considered secret - although the mantras are now widely published. Many traditional practitioners are uncomfortable with this breaking of the traditional secrecy around these practices, and warn against using these mantras without proper instruction.

Short Mantra

Siddhaṃ

Tibten - Uchen

Transliteration

oṃ va jra yo gi nī hūṃ pha ṭ svā hā

oṃ vajrayoginī hūṃ phaṭ svāhā

Tibetan Transliteration

oṃ ba zra yo gi nī hūṃ pha ṭa svā hā

Long Mantra

This mantra is one that I have received several inquiries about, questioning the wisdom of making it available. I am sympathetic to these concerns. This mantra is from the Anuttara Yoga Tantra - the most esoteric and generally speaking most secret level of Tibetan Buddhism. While the lower (or outer) Tantras are often treated as open and accessible to the public, many people consider this mantra to be "secret". It is something of an open secret however as there are several books which reveal it, and many internet sites. Andy Weber, a very well known Western practitioner of Tibetan artistic traditions, has made the mantra into a postcard!

In the Western Buddhist Order we do not necessarily approach mantra on the terms of Tibetan Tantric Buddhism - I am working on an account of this approach but it is not yet ready. That said, Dharmacari Vessantara, our foremost authority on these matters, has been one of those expressing misgivings. At present I am inclined to leave the mantra here, but will entertain further feedback, and leave open the possibility of removing it. I have taken pains to make sure my rendition is at least accurate and reliable as to spelling which other websites have not.

From the traditional point of view this mantra should be used under the guidance of a qualified teacher. Especially if you are involved in a Tibetan Tradition you should consult your Buddhist teacher if you want to use this mantra in your practice. Vajrayoginī practices require specific initiations and carry samaya vows.

Siddhaṃ

Transliteration

oṃ oṃ oṃ sa rva bu ddha ḍā ki ṇī ye va jra va rṇa nī ye va jra vai ro ca nī ye hūṃ hūṃ hūṃ pha ṭ pha ṭ pha ṭ svā hā

oṃ oṃ oṃ sarvabuddhaḍākiṇīye vajra varṇanīye vajra vairocanīye hūṃ hūṃ hūṃ phaṭ phaṭ phaṭ svāhā

ओं ओं ओं सर्वबुद्धडाकिणीये वज्र वर्णनीये वज्र वैरोचनीये हूं हूं हूं फट् फट् फट् स्वाहा

[hearthandhomemagick]

Cottage Witch Journal Entry

Good Afternoon, Everyone!

It is chilly outside, and my nose has been red since the wind hit it. A warm air is wafting over my body like a blanket in my cozy little office, making me feel comfortable. My mind is filled with daydreams and thoughts of what is right and what is wrong. My center seems to be no where in sight, and yet I am calm. 

I want to tell you all how my journey has been so far since my last journal entry. 

Just to recap, I set some goals for myself last time. I wanted to be more aware of my eating habits, forming a work out routine to do everyday, and learn to do a split by the end of the month. These three goals are small, and have almost no real direction or layout for how they were to be conducted.

And yet, it worked. At least a little bit!

You see, I’m training my mind right now to see tracking my eating as a fun habit. I have a theory that I overthink my weight a lot of the time and completely miss the point of weight loss in general. I still get to this state of mind where if I feel as though I should feel bad for feeding myself. And this can be induced by small things people say around me. With my mind using hyperbole to hype up what they are saying, it convinces me that my eating habits are the reason they feel the way they do.

I never used to be a jealous girlfriend, I never used to be insecure, lithe in personality or even submissive. I used to be extremely dominant, defensive, independent and confident with my steps. Hell, I joined singing competitions because in my head, I knew I’d do great. But now, I bail on musical rehearsals simply because my energy isn’t right. And after last nights episode, I fucking guess I get jealous of video games now, too! Fucking stupid.

So imagine, I’ve been on this awareness journey with my eating habits. This goal being the main one I wanted to focus on this month, and have sufficiently lost a couple of pounds simply from changing the way I eat. With that being said, I’ve still felt ill about myself. So, while my boyfriend was playing Cyberpunk 2077 last night, he mentioned he loved and wanted to marry Judy because, “She’s a version of his High School self.” (as seen above. A bad bitch tech wizard who is literally the definition of independence).

Judy is a bad bitch, I’d marry her too!!! I love how sure of herself she is and how she wants a revolution. But, for some reason, this comment didn’t settle with me correctly. Regardless of my mental efforts, an actual war was going on in my head. Negative thoughts popped up about how tiny and lithe she was in stature, while being confident, distant and strong in nature, while I was a big girl who was shy, quiet and submissive/passive. I was comparing myself to a game....a game character I related to, for that matter?! I had just taken a bite of food when he said he loved her, but I stopped chewing all together the moment he said it.

The food sat in my mouth for what felt like hours as I contemplated whether it would be acceptable to just spit it in the trash, but my grandmother who lives 45 minutes out of town drove it to me because she knew it was my favorite...smoked salmon. The thoughts running through my head included, “If you don’t eat this bite, you could get skinny like Judy faster.” & “Spit it out, pig, he’s trying to tell you something.” I ended up spitting it in the trash after thirty minutes of holding it between my gums and cheek and hating on myself.

Thankfully, I STILL HAVE SALMON LEFT OVER AND WILL NEVER QUESTION WHETHER TO EAT THAT BITE OR NOT EVER AGAIN!!!! Rationalizing myself in the moment, though, was almost impossible. My boyfriend didn’t notice much because I was simply staring quietly at the TV, his voice coming in and out every once in a while followed by my curt response. 

Now, this is not his fault. Him and I had a discussion a while ago regarding this and I openly said it was okay for him to talk like that in front of me about other women. I’m a feminist and love seeing women do awesome and bad ass things. I also love talking about bad ass women! He had my consent, and knows nothing of what is going on in my mind right now, so genuinely this is not a him problem.

This is a me problem. This is a me problem I have had for a very long time regarding my body issues, my mental health and my willingness to be open about it. Which I’m not. I never tell people what’s going on because not everyone is a therapist, which is what I need and cannot afford. It’s easier to not say something.

So going back to Judy. After my moment of absolute self hatred, my boyfriend mentioned something to me that seemed to pull me out of this waterfall of feelings and thoughts. He started talking to me about things we were wanting to do together. 

I realized that he wasn’t thinking as hard as I was about Judy. He simply loves and enjoys the character and the interactions he has with the character. That type of woman is the type he admires. But she’s a made up fictional character. That’s when the thought hit me, “He calls you a bad bitch all the time. You guys mirrored each other quite a bit in High School. You were independent before him. Carly, you’ve started depending on an approval he doesn’t realize you are expecting. And that’s something you should be expecting from yourself.”

I put weight in the words of a man who thought his sentence was light as a feather. Things started clicking and I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my mouth. I had just spit food out over a situation I had created in my head. I would be Judy today if I were in a post-apocalyptic world, had I not put so much weight into depending on others for things, I would probably be Judy in todays Rona Revolution! The point is, Judy is a set of characteristics dressed up and made pretty for the success of a video game. No one is exactly like her because she isn’t real. 

But I am. And personality is a choice. No, I won’t change myself, but I want to be more myself. I want to be the me uninfluenced by others opinions of me. I want to be the me that can alternate from being prissy to being tomboy. So, I want to make a list of things that make me truly happy. I want to lay out the part of me that I love, and I want to strive to accomplish more of the things I love. 

1. Fixing my own car. I was told in High School that shop class was a boys class. It was my first option as a recreational hour, and they decided to put me in something else. I slowly lost interest in vehicles as a whole and pushed it to the side, depending on everyone else to fix my car for me. This is bullshit, and I want to fix my own fucking car from now on. It won’t get done otherwise. 

2. MMA Fighting/Boxing. Like my piano career, this dream stopped once my teacher stopped showing up. I want to defend myself and be physically strong, I also want to say I went through something rigorous without giving up. I want this for me, myself and I. I’m tired of calling people in parking lots at night when I’m scared. 

3. Yoga. I brought this up in my last post, I bring it up again because this a priority of mine that goes unnoticed frequently. I need this physical practice for my mental health, I always feel happier and healthier when I can do yoga, so there’s no excuse for me to NOT invest in this.

4. Independence. I don’t need anyone, who is in my life is here because I want them here. I don’t need anyone to make money for me, I’ll work. I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m beautiful, I know. I don’t need people telling me what to wear, it’s my choice. I want to be myself again, not everyone else collectively. 

5. Music/Art. This is a part of my soul that heals with the hit of the play button. It should have never stopped being at the forefront of my life.

6. Reading and Writing. I don’t give myself time to do this, yet I have plenty of time to do everything. I don’t know what I’m waiting for, but boredom ain’t it sis! This is how I process my thoughts and organize my mind, so it should be imperative.

7. Self-Love Rituals. I want to start putting effort into rituals that mean something to me and my craft. This includes bath rituals, cooking or baking rituals, or even smoke rituals. Either way, it’s a portion of my craft I neglect, and shouldn’t.

8. Go places by myself and face my anxiety. I always shoved my anxiety to the side and trained my brain to replace it with excitement. It worked for a long time, and then I lost my confidence and Independence. I need to focus on myself to accomplish this one. But I shouldn’t be nervous or scared going into public to get shit I want or need. Period. No one is focusing on me, so why should I focus on them? 

9. Sing in my car. I was recorded while singing passionately in my car twice this year. My anxious mind claimed they were making fun of me, and one was indeed laughing at me. BUT FUCK IT. Who cares if they record me or make fun of me or not? Why am I stopping my happiness because you think it’s funny? Fuck that, I’m too bad of a bitch to be worried about people who waste their time in that manner. I’ll give them a show next time. I refuse to be the victim anymore to anyone, including myself.

There is nothing stopping me except myself from pursuing the things in life that make me happy. Being aware of my own state of mind helped me realize this. And typing this out has helped me truly start the process of change for the better. 

As for my actual monthly goals; they are still in tact! Again, making myself aware of my eating has forced me to be mindful of the things I put into my body, including drinks. As a result of better habits forming, I’ve dropped a few pounds. Losing weight is not the goal, but the result of accomplishing my goal. As for exercise, I have started small by working on my legs and glutes. I have been doing up to 20 Jump Squats every day or every other day. This, of course, isn’t a routine, but it is progress from where I was doing nothing. As a result, my booty and thighs have been looking good and my number of squats has been going up! I haven’t created anything yoga wise yet, but anticipate on forming something sustainable once I have gotten into the habit of my squats. Saving $100 was not the best goal to set for the month of December (not the wisest move of a notorious over spender on gifts) BUT I still want this to happen, so! Rather than worrying about saving $100, I will focus on making sure I survive this month without over drafting. I already have and am in the negatives by 80 something dollars, but for the rest of the month, and into next year, I will shut down my checking account with that bank, keep my savings, and start using that as my emergency debit card. 

I’m doing better. I’m noticing progress. It’s small, but worth the tiniest amount of effort. I still struggle, and I will in the future, but right now I’m doing well. I will continue this journey with pride. 

I also want to learn more in regards to shadow work, and incorporating my craft into my workout routines, so if any of you actually reads this and has any ideas, let me know! Being healthy is the main goal!!!!! 

I appreciate those who read this or support it or even relate to it a bit. My last entry received a nasty comment, explaining how I was a basic bitch who needed to be educated and needed to stay out of the thinspo tag. For anyone who feels compelled to do that, just know you are much more emotionally invested in it than I am at that point. I simply don’t give 1, 2 or even 3 types of fucks about it. I’m doing this for me, if you follow then thank you, but if not then thank you for kindly leaving me alone.

I want to be me. Me alone, me without help, me with me. I still want to be with my boyfriend, and I know I have his support here, but this is my battle and I can’t rely on him to fix me or make me feel like me again. I am responsible for myself.

I’m doing better, and will continue to do so! Just let me know you guys’ thoughts, ideas or even experiences you may have went/are going through like this. I appreciate you all!

[sooave]

The Problem With Wanting: 1

It’s 2026, and an old celebrity crush comes to haunt your old and cynical heart. You’re doing great at pretending you were never obsessed with him, and finding things about him that you don’t like. Until you’re repeatedly forced to work with him. Until he decides that he’s in love with you.

Genre: I really don’t know what to call this, but it’s not an AU, Kyungsoo’s older and still a celebrity, and it’s friends-to-lovers.

Characters: Kyungsoo x Reader 

Length: 2,314 words

Tags: Angst, Slow Burn 

Part 1 | Part 2

The problem with wanting, was that the human brain’s pathways are more easily activated for desire, rather than liking. In other words, humans naturally want things more than they actually like them. Obviously, you didn’t fault anyone for that. You knew that humans are all victims of the mechanisms of their biological systems.

Just like how you never blamed your own body for being frustratingly uncooperative when it was exactly a week before your period.

Just like how you didn’t fault Do Kyungsoo at all for confessing to you, and asking you to be his girlfriend. You knew that he just wanted you. Now if he actually had you, he’d certainly be disappointed. No, his brain would be disappointed.

Being single at age 30 was surprisingly easy for you, considering the fact that it practically made you a spinster in Asian society. Your parents’ one saving grace was that they immigrating to North America, and brought you in tow. When you returned to Korea as a full-fledged adult with a string of ex-boyfriends and old jobs behind you, it was increasingly apparent to you that Korean society was at times lovely, but hugely flawed.

Back home, the Korean aunties that your mother would bring home no longer gave a shit about the fact that you were, God forbid, an artist. And an unmarried and childless one to boot. Their own children had put them through a fair share of self-perceived grievances already, and while most of them were still conservative at heart, they knew that they lived in a society where their values weren’t necessarily correct. You knew that they didn’t all understand that their values were straight up incorrect. But at least you didn’t get harassed about your life choices.

Coming back to build a career in your birth country had you encountering situations that made you laugh and feel uncomfortable at the same time.

“You’re self-employed? How are you ever going to find yourself a husband?” You’d tell them that being your own boss in fact made your schedule much more flexible. And that you fill up the time with pursuits that actually improved your life, like cooking and yoga. Not shitty dates with people you couldn’t connect with.

Of course, the nosy aunties would continue heavily implying that your life’s purpose was to find a good husband, carry your bloodline, and take care of the home.

“Thirty?? You should have had two kids by now?” You would politely inform them that you weren’t interested in having children, and if you did, you’d adopt an orphan in need instead.

“There won’t be any good men left at this point! You’re in trouble now.” This one, you couldn’t really argue with. You were a firm believer that if someone was single for an extended period of time, there was a reason.

Most of the time, they were a shitty person. Other reasons? Nursing a heartbreak. Pining after someone unattainable. Obsessed with their career. Etcetera.

And you?

You didn’t have your priorities straight. But after a countless number of bad dates, bad relationship, mediocre relationships, and some okay ones, you kind of had an idea of what you didn’t want in a boyfriend. You were doing just peachy by yourself, for now at least.

Sure, maybe you’d want to find a life partner eventually. That would come naturally. You were also a firm believer in the fact that the best matches are found organically.

But surprisingly to you, one of the blind dates that you’d begrudgingly gone on 3 years ago was actually bearing some fruitful benefits. Your date was an assistant PD at one of the largest entertainment companies in Seoul. He was a decent guy, but was insistent about being the sole provider for his future wife. That obviously didn’t check out with you.

Luckily, he didn’t hold a grudge against you for cutting your third dinner date short once you learned of that particular value, and even suggested you as an artist for several show segments. Today, your expertise was blackboard art. Other days, it was digital painting, or watercolours. But they all focused on food illustrations.

Seung-woo, your ex-date, had a particularly annoying habit of talking your ear off while you were working. For some reason, he assumed that the several hours you spent slaving away with your arm raised over the chalk board was the perfect time to catch up with you and ramble on about his love life.

“And then, she started ordering the spicy chicken even though I had explicitly mentioned that I had an upset stomach! Really. The nerve of her.”

“Oh…” you hummed disinterestedly as you filled in the grey base colour of the fish that you were drawing for the background of this board. Apparently, some professional chef along with a celebrity guest were going to be in the kitchen today filming an episode on ways to cooking methods for fish in Korean cuisine. This particular series was something you’d seen before while you were living in the U.S., and while you felt that Korea was a bit slow on the uptake, at least they were doing something interesting with it. You didn’t get to see a lot of Korean traditional cooking methods on American-owned YouTube channels.

“So… we’re going on a second date tonight. What should I say?”

If you were in America, you would have already told Seung-Woo off for disrupting your work and being a total wuss. But this was Korea, and you couldn’t really afford to offend the very person who got you this job contract. Plus, gossip travelled like wildfire, and soon you’d be labelled as difficult to work with and saying bye-bye to your steady income.

You had to take a deep breath and set down your chalk, in fear of snapping it in annoyance.

“Did that tell you something?”

Seung-woo set down the kitchen prop that he was playing around with onto the counter.

“Tell me what?” He echoed.

“Did her action of ordering the spicy chicken tell you that she had an undesirable trait that you cannot accept from a partner?” Your tone was bordering on one that a disapproving teacher would take when reprimanding a student, but luckily Seung-woo didn’t catch that.

He wasn’t as taken aback by your mannerisms as he used to be, but ever since you explained that you spent all of your formative years abroad, he was able to rationalize all of your non-conservative behaviours.

Instead, he actually thought of your advice and comments as thoughtful and interesting. You always refrained from mentioning that your perspective came from years of counselling and therapy, in fear that he’d label you as psychotic. Seung-woo had no idea what mental health was.

After a round of hums and haws, he finally responds.

“You’re right, it did. Are you trying to say I shouldn’t go on the date tonight?”

“Hey, I just asked a question. You came to that conclusion your self!” You turn around and throw a dirty rag that you’ve been using into his chest.

That finally got him to leave you alone, after whining about your aggressiveness and how unladylike you were. Luckily, you still had plenty of time to finish the piece, and once the annoyance hindering your progress was gone, the flow started to come naturally to you.

Time began to fly by as it usually did when you were absorbed with your artwork. Before you knew it, it was already time for the segment filming to start. It wasn’t everyday that you timed your work perfectly, but today you hit the deadline exactly.

You knew that the filming was about to begin because of the camera lights had began to turn on, and a buzz of conversation had started to grow in the centre of the room. Sometimes it irked you that you were working right in front of a dozen cameras and microphones, but it was comforting to know that they had absolutely zero interest in filming you.

Seung-woo had unfortunately appeared again, appearing behind you like a golden retriever wagging it’s tail. You were packing up boxes chalk into your carrying case, attempting to ignore him as much as possible, but something he said caught your attention.

“Wait. What? Who?” You had absolutely no idea what he had said, except for the fact that a horribly familiar name fell from his lips.

“Do Kyungsoo. You don’t know of him?”

“No, I do…” Too well, in fact.

“Well, he’s here right now. I could get you an autograph if you wanted too. Just ask your oppa nicely!” He shot you a shit-eating grin and you almost want to strangle him amidst the absolute panic you were experiencing.

You weren’t experiencing a real panic attack, thankfully. But the way your hands were shaking as you placed each piece of chalk back into it’s designated slotted groove gave away that you were one-hundred-percent losing your mind. As your heart raced in your chest, you did a mental checklist of the facts that faced you right now.

You were, or you used to be, absolutely obsessed with Do Kyungsoo as a celebrity. This was back in your late teens, when you were a freshman at college.

You had not thought about him, or even looked up his name, in almost 5 years. Real life got in the way. And your cynicism.

And he was right here.

In this very room.

Suddenly, your brain was kicked into hyper-awareness mode, and it was almost impossible to resist the urge to finger comb your hair and smooth out your clothes. Fuck. You weren’t even wearing a cute outfit. Today had been a boyfriend jeans and black t-shirt day for you.

Seung-woo was still standing in front of you, looking at you expectantly, and you reminded yourself that you had to actually respond.

“Er… no. I’m good, Seung-woo,” you rolled your eyes at him, “What makes you think that I’d want an autograph? You do remember that I’m an old hag right?”

He noticed that you were having difficulty stuffing your chalk boxes back into your bag, and leans down to help you.

“Who said that you can’t have celebrity crushes at age 30? I wouldn’t shame you for that. Plus, you’re still single…” Seung-woo waggled his eyebrows.

“Oh my lord,” You mutter in English to yourself, before switching to Korean.

“Idols are for the young or the delusional. Plus, they’re just regular ol’ people just like me. You take anyone with a bit of talent and a decent face and I’m sure they could pass as an idol.” This is a mantra you’ve repeated to yourself almost a million times, and it rolls off your tongue.

“God, you’re always so cynical…ah!” Seung-woo stands up to greet someone and leaves you struggling with your bag on the floor.

“No, I’m just old,” you said to yourself as you right yourself.

And then you come face to face with a profile that you’ve started at on your phone screen, your computer monitor, and even billboards, umpteenth times. It’s closer now, way closer. You saw the slight smile lines on his cheeks, and the unevenness of his skin that hasn’t been photoshopped out. But his strong eyebrows and heart-shaped smile were the same. And his eyes.

Kyungsoo was shaking hands with Seung-woo and another PD, but his eyes flickered to you briefly as you got to your feet. And then they’re gone. Like they didn’t see you at all.

You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that he’s just another person. He probably leaves his phone ringer on. That’s something that annoys you. Annoyance. It’s your weapon against anything you’re scared of. But it’s also grounding you in this insane moment.

Reminder, you’re staff. He’s the star of the show.

“Ah! This is our chalk artist, she made the board behind us,” Seung-woo declared proudly and grabbed your arm to pull you back, just as you were preparing to sneak away from the awkward circle of personnel. You’ve never cursed so strongly in your own mind before, and a string of fuckshitfuckshitfuck was still going through your mind as you gave a tight smile and bowed. All while avoiding eye contact.

You saw Kyungsoo and a few others glance at your work and you couldn’t help but cringe. God help you, you had confidence in your work, but were you completely unprepared for your teenage/young adult celebrity crush to judge you. They politely express amazement at the board, and you robotically thank them.

Seung-woo continued to discuss some detail about the segment and you took the opportunity to duck away and escape with your bag, not even taking a second look back. You were tempted of course, as you left through the studio doors. You could even stay to watch the entire filming, and no one would object. They knew who you were.

But there was no way you would be able to not fall back into your stupid crush that you still had, if you were able to just stand and watch him cook for an hour and a half. You were too old for this.

You gritted your teeth as you got in your car, placed your duffel on the passenger seat, and buckled your seatbelt.

Today, you would be an adult and do the right thing.

Tomorrow, you’d give dating apps another go.

But right now, you imagined another universe, where he was a regular person, and so were you. Then, you could allow yourself to fall in love. You closed your eyes and leaned your head onto the cold glass of the window and allowed yourself to fantasize.

A/N: I’m totally throwing this into the void and doing this for myself but part two is coming.

[disenchantedfaerie]

TED Talk in regards to an anon @cant-resist-temptation got earlier today about slamming MPC. It fired me up.

As a long time paying member of MPC, I think I can say whatever I choose to. Half the fee goes to charities in the UK despite the fact that the business is registered in Delaware, United States. And is registered as a business not a charity. Still it’s a lot of money for a good cause however my priorities have changed since COVID and I’ll be keeping my money in my country. I think a lot of members are in it for the lifestyle change, getting fit, eating better, the camaraderie, which is phenomenal. Some people who need the support get overlooked because, at the end of day, it is a popularity contest for some of these ladies. How they act at galas is unbelievable forcing their leader to have to distance himself now and stay away. Sad huh? I do believe and no one can tell me differently that some of these ladies sign up, not for the program, not for the lifestyle change, but simply to get a piece of Mr. Wonderful. Again, I’m a long time member. I read posts. I see who posts a lot and who never does until they need to stick a finger up a certain ass. Those that truly and desperately need support often don’t get any and that’s terrible. As always, it’s just my opinion. I think the concept of MPC is great but when your leadership (with the exception of S only when he’s bored, Valbo, and Yoga Teacher) that follow, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. JB doesn’t work out or follow the program and AN is an absolute joke.

The ambassadors get to have zoom calls whenever they have one, supposed to be monthly and S supposedly hops on occasionally. It’s not even the members of the ambassador groups just the admins of the ambassador groups. Again, the idea is good in principle but this is to raise money and get more worshippers followers for S and it goes to UK charities. After this year, I’m done. I’ve been doing another program for years but I do really love the yoga and the yoga lady. She’s awesome and she responds with positivity all the time.

Thanks for attending my TED TALK. All opinions are my own.

[pbandjesse]

Ugh today. Thats how I feel right now. I am glad tomorrow is the start of spring break, even if Im working through most of it. I need a change of pace. 

I slept okay I guess. I calmed down after being so upset. And I didnt have as hard of a time falling asleep but staying asleep was harder. I did let myself sleep in until after 930. And didnt get out of bed until 945. So I had a lot less time. But I got up and dressed and while my hair looked filthy, I felt cute. 

I had a bagel and watched a video and was out the door with some art to show the kids. It was muggy out today. Not rainy like yesterday, but humid. 

Work was alright. Only a couple kids again. I got to work on some collages with stickers with one of the kids. And later in the day I showed them the art I make and they used those sticker collages to create their own drawings. I made one too and it was just a nice project. 

But before we did that I had my meeting with my manager. It went okay at first. When I had filled out my SWOT analysis thing I was really upset. It was last week when everything was bad. And she knew that, as I had warned her to take it with some salt. And she did. And a lot of things I had thought, like independent work time and schedules were confirmed. I got things clarified that I didnt know. And that helped make me feel more secure. 

But then at the end of the meeting she tells me that she needs to talk about how I crossed some lines and boundaries yesterday and I was like. What?? Im like running through the whole day and I couldnt think of anything except the kids yelling? But apparently because Im an aid at this site, and not a lead teacher, I shouldnt be talking to parents? I shouldnt be checking in? I shouldnt be doing a bunch of things that have to do with the end of the day. 

And I was shocked. Because I have been at this site for a month. And I have been doing a bunch of these tasks every day. Because I had been told to. It was just shocking.  And I started crying. But I was embarrassed and I was like I know I am crying but this is not because of you I just cant stop. And she was taken aback and I think she tried to keep talking to make me understand but I was just like. How would I know I shouldnt be doing something I was told to do?? And it was just. Really shocking. 

One of the things that bugs me is this aid thing. I dont care about being an aid, its all good. But also I dont understand why I was the lead at the other two sites but not this one? And like. I wasnt in trouble. But the way it was phrased. Crossing a line. Going outside my boundaries. Made me feel like I had done something really bad and offensive and it really hurt my heart. Because I had been trying to do the things I had been told to do from the trainings I did right before I started at this site. Talking to and checking in with parents. Leading projects. Delegating as a team with the other teachers.

But it just felt like. I was being told I was both doing to much and not doing enough. And that was really hard. 

So I dont know what tomorrow will look like. And at the end of the meeting I was still very teary. I went to the upstairs bathroom that no one really uses and cried for a few more minutes. I tried to get my face to stop being so red. And headed back to class. 

It was a mostly quiet day though. We did another story telling game. We did my drawing project. And made little paper crowns. It was mostly a good afternoon. 

Before I left for work today I told James I hoped all the kids would leave by 4. But at 4 we went to the gym to play basketball. We were only in there for a few minutes when I realized that the other side of the gym had a family playing basketball with no masks on so I called upstairs to ask what to do. And she was like. You gotta get out of there. So even though the boys were upset, we went upstairs to the yoga studio and played catch. Me and the only girl did some ballet at the barre. It was nice. 

But then all of a sudden everyone was getting picked up!A And we only had one kid left. And since we have another staff at night I got to bounce. Awesome. 

I was home before 5. I put my stuff away, put a pizza in the oven, and played some animal crossing. I was supposed to have a meeting at 6 so I prepared myself for that. But then it got pushed back until 7. All good. James went for a walk and brought me french fries home. And I had a really nice meeting with Alexi about camp. 

Im going to be going out there for the first 3 days of next week for a spring break camp. I have a bunch of projects to come up with for programs. Im really excited. 

I still hope things are a little more normal after this summer and I can work closer with camp rather than any other job. But well just have to see. Im really excited to go out there for this little bit of time. 

James made cupcakes for me to take to work tomorrow. And while they were finishing that I went and took a bath. Helped my back a little bit. And Ive just been hanging out on the couch for a bit. 

Now Im going to brush my teeth and try to sleep. I got my schedule at work changed so I dont have to go in til 1 tomorrow, and noon on T/W/T, so Im pleased about that. 

I hope you have a great night everyone. Sleep well. Wash your hands.