#what bs sry

[setsailtomorrow]

who knew that a side effect of doing yoga every day would mean firmer eh everything

[bs-ent]

they’re so queer-coded

[mazhai]

girls when mai bhatkaa sa musaafir aur makaan ho tum

[yusukenui]

.

[endenope]

Do you think gallagher is into breeding and anytime sunday and him do the bazinga, he begs to breed sunday (not in a pathetic way but if y'all like pathetic gallagher that works too)

i can see him occasionally indulge in it for dirty talk but sunday is the one whos secretly REALLY into it and they discover it by accident, like (here we go again, me and my horny ramblings and ideas sry)

gallagher offhandedly doing it one day, mostly bc of sundays lovely habit of calling/comparing him to a dog so gallagher is like 'welp, gotta act like one then' to mess around. bites into his neck (not too hard to draw blood but enough to leave marks), laps at the marks, tells him how hes going to fill him up, breed him until it takes and hes round with their pups and its all dirty incoherent babbling (tfw pussy too good) but the feeling of sunday tightening around him sm it brings gallagher back to his mind makes him realize how much he liked that. he def brings it up, chuckles breathlessly, "would you like that, birdie?" and sunday would try to deny it but its so obvious to both of them how much he loves the idea of gallagher fucking his seed into him, breeding him, getting him full and pregnant. he feels ashamed at how hot his body grows by it

since that discovery, every now and then gallagher would subtly rearrange their position so he can drive deeper into sundays body, or ease him into a mating press, or hold a large hand over his womb to move his body back against his-- asking him if he may cum inside, breed him, and sunday has to bite his lips so he doesnt let out an eager, mindless chant of "yesyesyes" and simply nods, wings hiding his mouth and gallagher huffs, "need your words, baby" and sunday snaps bc hes impatient and embarrassed and yes gallagher wants his verbal consent but also enjoys teasing him way too much so he yells at him to get on with it and fill him up and-- gallagher being a good dog, even if he loves messing around he always listens to his master and thats what he does. bites into sunday as he pumps him full and its enough to send him over the edge, the feeling of getting bred properly and after gallagher carefully pulls out, its sunday who mindlessly reaches down to stuff the cum spilling out back in and it almost drives gallagher crazy and if it wasnt for his refractory period and middle age, hed immediately dive in for another round and devour his bird whole--

ofc sunday pretends none of that happened or that it was jsut some halovian hormones or whatever bs playing w him that had him acting like that but ofc both know its all lies. hes just really into breeding or gallagher bringing it up in his disgusting filthy (hot) dirty talk

sry this got super long, i kinda got possessed and had to write out this specific mental image/scenario i had hhhsuhh......might draw this auhg

[gurlbesimpin]

ppl stop writing for Heisenberg... how about our magnetto man with a punk/alternative SO??

OUHHHH yessssss!

pairing: Karl Heisenberg x GN!reader

{{note: I generally write REVillage fics Post-canon/alternate universe, assuming Ethan and rose, Mia etc. never existed sry XD}}

Warnings: swearing, brief mention of gore, very mild sexual themes

Ohoho where do I begin?

Karl when he first spots you is... intrigued to say the least.

You weren't like the others, you dressed differently, acted differently, and most importantly... you weren't like the other villagers, blindly following and worshipping Miranda!

Now, Karl being Karl... he thought about pulling his usual BS about "I'm a metal lord, fear me!" but quickly decided against it; not wanting to scare you off or anything. Especially since you didn't seem local, therefore not knowing who the fuck he is.

{and pshhh don't tell anyone i told you this, but despite his huge ego... he might not actually want you to know who he really is at first. So he'll try his best to act "normal" and as human as possible}

After he finally approached you and engaged in a regular conversation, he quickly finds himself craving more.

Long story short, he seeks you out in the village again the next day, inviting you over to his factory because... he didn't really have a house. Anyway, he wouldn't show you what he actually does in there... you two will be in his office on the first floor, he ain't taking you down into the actual factory until he is sure you won't freak out.

This "friend meeting" (totally not a date ͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡ °) goes smoothly surprisingly. He'll ask you about your tattoos and/or piercings, scars etc. {if you have any}.

After a long-ass conversation about all kinds of shit, he'll just ask the question we've all been waiting for.

"So buttercup, you... eh... one of those emos?"

Time for the explanation between emo, goth, punk, rock. Two minutes into this, Karl stops listening... he got his answer.

You listen to heavy music.

And so does he.

Start talking about Metallica, Slipknot, I prevail, Rob Zombie, ACDC, black sabbath, Iron Maiden, Avenged Sevenfold, hell.... even SOME my chemical romance and Seether- and i promise, you'll get his attention piqued!

Especially if we're talking german bands such as "Rammstein" or "Die Toten Hosen" and he'll just... scream internally?

Like first of all... there's someone who also hates mother miranda besides him, they are funny, hot AND love german bands?!

SIGN HIM TF UP!

Needless to say, you two started a relationship quickly.

Despite needing to make his huge ass metal army, he takes a day off to make a bigass stereo...

{and then later that day Lady Dimitrescu complains about the loud ass music coming from his factory that even SHE and her three girls can hear from her castle. lol. Heisenberg tells her to shut the fuck up}

His huge goal is obviously to kill miranda... and then after escaping this shit village together with you. When the day comes, you two will celebrate with flipping off Lady supersized bitch and rolling off to a concert

{which likely isn't a good idea... imagine Karl wanting the microphone from the singer or something. You be chillin and there's just... a floating microphone... you be like... "Karl? what are YOU DOING?!" meanwhile Karl just has a shit eating grin as the crowd screams}

But let's not jump to far into the future...

Right now, you two are stuck under Miranda's disgusting-ass thumb.

Dark times man. It's shit, but whenever you waddle into his office whilst he's working... just y'know... get your phone out and play one of his favorite songs!

This man will {depending on his mood} shoo you away, or most-likely drop what he's doing and just... *grab* you and start juming around the room like monkies in a moshpit.

Once the song finishes, his hand will move from cupping your cheek, to cupping CHEEKS. Just him seeing you rock out to his favorite songs... is enough for Karl to get all hot 'n bothered. So expect some bending over the Work-bench and nice grindin' whilst 'Closer' by nine inch nails plays ;)

EXTRA:

if you like steampunk

this

man

will

just...

Scramble to collect little gears and screws... making little earrings, rings, necklaces etc.

also

stud bracelets.

OH

and if you like wearing chokers

be careful

that awakens a beast within him

"oh ho ho buttercup! What do we have here? Want me to attach a leash and make you *my pet*?

[lucianalight]

Hi! I'm back :) after another long hiatus😅 I have missed all of you❤️

First of all a huge thank you to everyone who were worried and asked about my health and how I was doing. I wasn't doing well tbh. I'm one of those people who had the misfortune of never quite recovering from covid. I already had one chronic illness that was messing up my life and health. Having another on top of that takes a lot of physical, emotional and mental toll and limits my energy greatly. So I needed time to get used to my new reality and condition and learn to how manage it and live with it. It's still a work in progress and doctor appointments are seeming endless but at least some meds are helping. So there's that.

You probably already know the second reason why I wasn't doing well. I've seen terrible things…And you need time to process them. To grieve, to deal with trauma and survivor's guilt, and nurture your anger and keep fighting, keep resisting…

And well, internet connection still sucks so using social media is kind of an ordeal :D

There were a lot of times that I wanted to come back on tumblr but every time some issue would come up and take my motivation and energy. Then two weeks ago, after I couldn't crush the little ray of hope that maybe this time I'm going to see sth I like, I started watching season 2 of Loki. I watched it while promising myself that I'm not going to care anymore if it's bad, reminding myself that I might see sth as bad as season 1. Still I was surprised that I didn't hate it. On the contrary there were moments that were entertaining and even enjoyable. And those moments were more than the ones I dislike. It was better than season 1 and admittedly that's a low bar since I consider S1 one of the worst tv shows I've ever seen, but there were noticeable changes in pace and tone of the narrative and characterization in S2. Some issues in S1 was addressed. Loki was actually the main character of his series and got to do badass magic stuff :D The characters were flesh out and three dimensional and likable(I love OB so much :D). There was no romance. The ending was great.

There were of course things I didn't like. Removing Loki's backstory and his issues with his family from the story is one of them. How some of his moments in past was addressed. The episodes at times got boring or very predictable. There were times that Loki was ooc or comedic moments that weren't delivered well.

It wasn't perfect but at least acceptable. And probably the best Loki content we got since TDW. And I liked the ending a lot. I found myself keep going back to rewatch some scenes. I found myself analyzing the content happily. I had things to say. So here I am :D basically I'm 100% back to my Loki bs and I'm making it everyone's problem :P

Whether you loved the series or hated it, you're welcome on my blog and you're welcome to send me your opinions and engage with me in discussions and metas. I will tag posts accordingly in case you want to avoid certain content(tbh I still don't know what the new tags will be because I haven't written anything yet but I will make a post when I do).

There will be posts of some new fandoms so block their tags if you don't want to see those posts. The new fandoms are Sandman tv show(I haven't finished the comics so plz don't spoil them for me), Wednesday, My Hero Academia, Shadow and Bone, and The Bifrost Incident.

As I mentioned above I'm dealing with multiple chronic illnesses and have a limited energy each day. I will try to answer your messages, comments and asks as soon as I can but it might take a long time. Sry about that.

And finally a warm welcome to all the new followers and thanks to everyone who are still following me❤️

[dearweirdme]

https://x.com/sugarpieces_/status/1822445884379951460

Sry, I need to rant a bit. This villainizing of jm is going too far and is so far removed from reality. You don't have to like him but I wish more people would speak up against this bs. I know they do that with Tae do but wtf is going on.

Bts are not your friends, you don't know their dynamics, you don't know what is ok for them and you certainly don't know shit about their private lives. Fans are creating this echo chamber and spread horrible accusations that spill over into mainstream view. One day someone is a victim and next they are allowed to do whatever they want?

Hi anon!

Oh, wow! That’s so bad. I hate how people take this show and make villains out of members.

We can acknowledge that the timing of this part of the show was shitty, I believe Jm and Jk both acknowledged that, but at the same time we see that they love each other and enjoyed spending time together. Jm wanting to go ahead with the show doesn’t mean he wanted to hurt Jk or take advantage of him. It is clear that Jm didn’t realize Jk wasn’t feeling well, he only heard about his throat problems while already shooting. If anything the company should have stepped in and make sure Jk took proper rest.

People who are hating on Jm because of this show are just as unreal as people hating on Tae for being on next weeks episodes. Vminkook are friends, they love each other, they want each other to do well.

Yeah, this is the part of fandom I hate as well.

[prylc]

Rant below

Sry but I jus rly have to put this out there

DON'T. ASK. FOR. ART. HELP. IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA TAKE IT PERSONALLY WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO FUCKING HELP IN A RESPECTFUL WAY

-

Ok im actually genuinely annoyed at some artist I follow

Not gonna name names and if uk them don't go harass them since ik some of yall follow em

Frickin hell

The artist was like

Asking for help or saying their art was boring or smth

And I was just trying to help by commenting??? (you have no fking idea how difficult it is for me to comment in certain platforms if it ain't my friends)

And THEY DELETED THE FUCKING POST? AND PUT MY COMMENT ON THEIR STORY??? SAYING HOW THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT OR SMTH LIKE THEYRE OVERWHELMED?

I don't even think I was that aggressive or like trying to correct their art. I was just suggesting things(not even directed at their art) that people would suggest

I don't know if it's just me but like what the fuck??? Why you show it to the whole world WITHOUT having your post??? If you don't want the comment then just delete it?

Why delete the post?

Why put it on your story?

Fucking bs

[real-total-drama-takes]

I love Shawn so much more ppl should appreciate him. they managed to make a conspiracy theorist character without any of the weird "world elite" bs and as far as I know none of what he said has any of the Weird implications other theories have. like genuinely he's so silly and I love him also Ive got paranoia and I love the way he was handled imo it was fine. sry for the kinda long ask I have so many thoughts about him

.

[bambirosedoll]

@bambi-disciple wrote a really good post on BS and if it really works (which ill link to at the bottom of this post), and while i have been on a sort BS hiatus for a little while, i wanted to write a little about some of what i have noticed for me?

At the time when id first run across it, the bimbo and hypno scene were still very cis, het, and essentialist. Most bimbofication material out there was heavily cishet. some the point of being actively transphobic. Hell, tbh a lot of it still feel pretty antitrans... but anyway...

I started listening to BS in April of 2021. I had heard of it before, and might have even listen to the initial release once or twice a few years before but had been a little reluctant to really dive into it. Id played with hypno before (ok, like lots), but BS seemed like it might want to be more extreme than i was ready for and very cis woman centric.

Skip forward a few years, and it wasnt until i started seeing some of the bimbofication and stepfordization creators making more gender inclusive content that instarted feeling a little more comfortable dipping my toe back in.

I am a trans woman. I went on hormones and socially transitioned almost two decades ago and in the kink scene for over three. I knew how to do my makeup and be cute and all those things, but like, i wasnt keeping up with them.

I was needing that internal drive and encouragement to be prettier. To push myself further. So for me it was less about self acceptance as a girl or submissive and more about wanting to be a better good girl. And i figured i might want to check out if BS could help.

Im one of those folks who would check all three of the boxes described by @bambi-disciple - wanting it to happen, beleiving it could happen, ans being aroused by the idea. Even with those they doesnt always mean automatic success. My mind often "stays awake" in trance, i am very reluctant to give up control (even when i think i want to and even to myself), and just a host of other issues which keep me from.being consistent or internal resistance to asepcts to the file. There have been some changes ive noticed tho:

* im much more open with my partners. Im still reclutant or shy to talk about my stuff, because i dont want them to be uncomfortable. But that might be more me projecting on them.

* wearing making up much more constantly again. Almost every day or at least when going out.

* pink. A lot more pink. And much more comfortable wearing pink. Previously it was all mostly black.

* eating healther. I now eat a lot more healthier. Salad are much more common for me. As well dried fruits and the like.

* much more casual in my writing. More willing to make typos and let them slide. More willing to just use txt speak and abbrevations and such.

* more comfort with posting myself on the interent, including a brief stint of doing porn sadly the latest stunt feom my stalker (hi stalker) wrecked the relationship with the studeo i was working with + i simply dont have the time with having to go into work and taking care of the family and home. Still it was super fun.

Those are the biggest changes ive noticed over the past couple years. I havent listen to BS for a few months rn. Im not really sure what my future plans are with it. I will prob stsrt up again at some point, but like i have a lot of upcoming things whjch require a lot of focus. It's like i have this desire to relapse but im holding back? Idk.

As promised, the post link. I didnt repost because it is really long and not under a cut and i wanted to be nice to my followers feeds. Sry. And if u have read this far you should check it out

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

hey tumblr! hot tip!!! if you see people criticizing your fav actor/creator/celeb etc for a lack of support for Palestine and want to get big mad abt it:

ask yourself, deeply and truly, why this makes you angry. really. why does that make you angry? look in the mirror and ask yourself why.

Don't pull out the following terms: "keyboard warrior", "what have YOU done lately besides be high and mighty on the internet?", "double standards", "this is The Internet(tm) Of Course Words Matter More Than Actions", etc. because uh

NEWSFLASH DIP SHITS

THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO MAY HAVE

JUST POSSIBLY

DONE THINGS FOR THE MOVEMENT THAT COULD GET THEM IN LEGAL TROUBLE IF ADMITTED

HELD OFF POLICE AT COLLEGE ENCAMPMENTS

STAYED OUT ALL NIGHT TO HOLD SPACE

GONE WITHOUT FOOD SO THEY COULD AFFORD TO DONATE

GONE WITHOUT CHORES/OTHER NECCESARY TASKS TO MAKE TIME FOR PROTESTS

*SEEN THEIR FRIENDS DRAGGED AWAY BY RIOT POLICE*

*WITHIN THE PAST TWO WEEKS*

WAITED FOR THEIR FRIENDS TO GET BACK FROM FUCKING JAIL

AND STILL KEPT SHOWING UP.

UNTIL THEY WORKED THEMSELVES TO ILLNESS.

you dont know who I am. you don't know what I'm doing. at the same goes for anyone and everyone on this site. sure, maybe they're the soyjak sjw you're picturing, marinating in sweat and dorito crumbs while they sip boba surrounded by plushies and obscure pride flags, wallowing in self-centered hypocrisy

or maybe they're not. maybe they shaved all their hair off because they had too much on-camera recognition and feared being followed home by cops, like had happened to their peers.

maybe they've been manhandled and shoved by security and police recently.

maybe they're endangering the scholarships that are their only reason to live rather than stay silent on their college's ties to the military-industrial complex.

maybe they lie to their parents and family friends and ANY older friends about where they are in the evening because they know that the truth could destroy those relationships

maybe they're Jewish and struggling to understand how their community can be so unable to see the reality of the situation

I'm not saying I'm doing The Most Ever, or even that I'm doing a lot. I'm not, not by my community's standards, not in comparison to my friends and peers, and especially not currently as im dealing with finals. I'm just showing up and doing what I can, even though it isnt much.

and I'm not going to assume that anyone saying this bs ALSO isnt doing anything for the movement

maybe you are! if so, thats great!

but fucking think before you speak because you have literally no idea who you're talking to or what their life is like. even if you're doing The Most Bestest Possible Ever for the movement rn, online and off 24/7

you have no right to pass judgement based on what you ASSUME about a stranger.

you have no right and no reason to think that anyone who "complains" online is thus inactive irl, in fact that makes literally no sense.

if you're really about genuine activism and radical action and support of this movement. why are you being a dick to people for speaking out?

and if you're not. if you just think that we're a bunch of whiny hypocrites looking for a reason to get on your high horse....

then man you are just a waste of life im sry idk what to tell u. get off tumblr, do some research, change yourself. "get better soon bestie" or something idk i dont even have words for that kinda brainlessness.

I'm just saying, I don't think the cops, or the president of my university, or the security and event staff at (REDACTED) would call me a "keyboard warrior" lmaoooooo

[werebutch]

idk if this is weird or helps at all but i grew up in a very large family where once i hit my older teens i was expected to clean, drive everyone around, take care of every single animal, cook meals, etc etc. basically charlie work lol. obviously different for everyone, but the only things ime that made those around me start pulling their weight was to A. ignore them, stop entirely and let it pile up till they recognize how much i do B. keep a list/pic album of every time i do a favor cleaning or smth for someone. having someone to clean/drive/etc for you is a butlers job, which should be paid, so they have a huge privilege in having u around. ur sister sounds unbearable and rest assured she's just lying about the "abuser" shit. ive been thru the exact same bs. sry this was long i hope u can get out of there soon, fuckem <3

This is exactly how it is for me 😭 it really helps to hear other people have had the same struggles (even though obviously it sucks) so thank you for this. Whenever I talk about this it sounds so goofy like waa waa I have to do chores. But it’s different and it sounds like you know what it’s like 😭. Especially the driving thing gets me, because how am I expected to keep everything clean, take care of animals, shop, and cook, when I have to drive everywhere, and also WAIT the entire time I’m there, since it’s usually too far to go back and wait. you know. usually i dont mind doing stuff like this but its when people complain im not doing enough is when i feel crazy. ive overheard my sister telling her boyfriend that i dont help her around the house anymore (ive "given up") and that everything is up to her. okay girl. sure. UM ANYWAYS SORRY. ive tried doing A before but i dont think it was for long enough.. so maybe... im at least gonna stop doing much of anything for that sister lol. at least for a while. writing stuff down is a good plan too. thanks ^__^

[lyco-riis]

i rly cant stand the mha fandom on twt sometimes. it just sucks so much, you know? after a decade, hori finishes this series with such a heartwarming message and people take it apart to make fun of it, because it's not what they wanted. half of them probably wished deku never moved on from his vigilante era or sth bc god forbid, he doesn't have the strongest power ever.

i'm not saying it's wrong to not agree with the chapter. for example, i do wish deku was an underground hero or sth at the end, because honestly? it would have fit him and i feel like aizawa is the best example that it could have worked. i feel like him not being a hero at all for the time kinda just drives across that quirkless people can't be heroes, which is a load of bs imo. but. but i don't think the ending is bad. i think him being a teacher makes sense too. he'd be a great one.

i also don't like how people take the little things and read into them the wrong way. his classmates obvs didn't forget about him, they probably still kept in contact. like, hori has always been good at depicting a realistic lifestyle despite quirks being a fantasy concept. the school experiences of the kids, the dorms, even the feelings and interactions of the people around all them—they are very much rooted in realism. it makes so much sense, that he would keep that sort of realism in their adulthood too. when you work a full-time job, you don't have as much as time. it sucks but that's how it is. and it's even more difficult to meet up than some people might think. i love my friends, but we go months without seeing eo in person bc we either a) are all super busy with our jobs and can't take off at the same time or b) don't live near enough to constantly afford meeting up. we still communicate online tho, and i'm sure the same goes for deku and the class. i also think sometimes, man, i'm a bit lonely, but not bc i'm truly alone but bc it's been a few weeks since i could afford to meet up with someone. those kind of thoughts and feelings are normal and it's sad that people take deku's so much out of context.

and i guess, it's sad that people can't appreciate how his current situation is cool as well. i think someone who's good at analyzing quirks, planning and strategizing, and has a good set of morals makes a great teacher for heroes as well. plus he's co-workers with his old teacher, don't you think that's kind of funny too?

and like said, the end is beautiful in a sense too, bc we get direct confirmation that all these yrs his class has been trying to get him back to where they thought he'd fit best, to where he wanted to be, a hero. bakugou having such a large involvement in that is also really heartwarming if you consider their relationship at the start.

maybe it's not the best ending for a manga, but it's definitely not the worst. that title will always go to demon sl— (sry, it's not that bad either actually sdfds)

[lavendeerlesbian]

@steampunkette

Video source

Half of this man's arguments against sex differences in humans is... talking about animals. Why?

He uses sex and gender interchangibly and assumes that people who argue about only two sexes are actually trying to claim that there are only two genders, which is false and ill-informed.

His very first argument that supposedly "blows dimorphism out of the water" is that some people are infertile and don't produce either gamete... Ignoring the fact that said infertile people are still BUILT TOWARDS the production of those gametes, even if on an individual level they cannot produce them.

He tries to claim there is true hermaphrodism in humans, which there is not (and none of his sources support, either).

Despite all of this, he still acknowledges that humans are a dimorphic species which accidentally also acknowledges that there are only two sexes (lmao).

He believes in brain sex and uses sources that support that idea even though it has been long since debunked.

He talks about gender identities in animals (what???? That isn't a thing?).

He argues about natural variation in animals with emphasis on how it's not a disorder but a natural variation, and then refuses to acknowledge that intersex disorders are NOT natural variation and ARE in fact disorders.

I love how he says that the SRY gene is not just a magical on/off switch for male vs. female and then goes onto describe the SRY gene as an on/off switch for male vs. female.

He even called an androgen insensitivity disorder in women a condition that magically makes her male???

Then he started arguing that hormones make someone male vs. female but ALSO everyone has all the hormones at all times so hormones cannot possibly account for male vs. female sex (???).

Just about the only thing he said that has any merit whatsoever was one throwaway line about how some people have partially developed ovaries and testes at the same time, which would actually lead to ambiguity between the male and female sex. However, those individuals would still be categorized as male or female based on other factors (most likely if they produced sperm or eggs - again hermaphroditism doesn't exist in humans and no human can produce both - or genetics).

TRAs cannot think critically, have to assume that radfems define sex as XX or XY with no variations, have to assume that radfems are trying to dictate people's gender identities or their personalities or whatever (which would require that radfems believe in gender at all?), and have to assume that radfems have 0 understanding of biology.

Also, just as an aside, just because someone has a degree in biology doesn't mean they magically know everything about that subject. Which the guy IN THE VIDEO admits, because his particular field of study within biology was in anthropology (NOT genetics or hormones)! I also have a bio degree (BS in general biology), and the only reason I know as much as I do now is because I've read more on the subjects after graduating.

Good god, learn to think critically.

[hazelcephalopod]

My review of DnD: Honor Among Thieves:

Tl;dr: overall I liked it -I was side eying a lot of the dragon arc. Also, surprisingly- needed more magic. Druids are full casters, Bards are full casters, Paladins are half casters! Did Holga even rage?

Also I fully thought Simon was secretly an artificer actually, for 1/3 of the movie.

For a movie it was good fun. I enjoyed that it didn’t take itself too seriously, and the characters felt like dnd characters yet in a good way? Which is really hard to do without it becoming too campy and while I like camp not everyone does. The story was simple but fitting, because it felt like a dnd campaign. In terms of character and story it was pretty spot on. Except one thing, more bisexuality needed.

Now for the cons (aka DnD nerd nitpicks DnD movie the for #1,000,057th time)-

As a lifeline fan on DnD, both the game and the settings most especially Faerûn -I was introduced to to Faerûn when I was like 8 folkx. My dad played 3.5 and maybe even earlier additions. I have many 3.5 books and have played a little of that edition, 4th, and quite a bit of 5th. I watch so much rpg and dnd specifically actual plays and I criticize them and love them. And criticize the critics. So. Where were the classes? Where was the lore? What is best boy Xenk a Paladin of?? It doesn’t have to be a god, but tbh, imo not having gods is a fucking waste! It’s Faerûn! Faerûn is drowning in gods, sometimes literally! Throw a rock and you’ll unearth some gods bs. Was Mystra, goddess of magic and more importantly bffs/gf/child/it’s very complicated of Elminster “what if I became a woman? And enjoyed it! Again!” Aumar even mentioned? (Yea mfers I read DnD books. And wikis!) (also reminder he is Simons great-great-great(?) grandfather, so the opportunity was there)

Also, I know that Tieflings can be typical skin tones or whatever. However two things 1) why did she have elf ears? Two… damn those parents where whimps she coulda passed for human, or part elven very, very easily. Also I’m sry but total waste to make her look like tiefling Keyleth CR. Give her some weird color, even if it’s just like blue freckles or something. Next-ly , when the soldiers are chasing her I guess I could accept she rolled a nat one. Multiple times. But how did they know she was a she? And why call her a “wild shape” and not a “Druid”. Bc calling her a wild shape, like shouting “Wild shape!” While chasing her? it… it Was. A bit. Weird. Moving oon…

More egregious was the strange lack of magic, when there’s was also so much magic. Half of Simons spells are from strange little objects, which is why I thought he might be a secret artificier or maybe multiclassed. For a minute I thought he was an eldritch trickster! However that’s relatively minor -actually I was a little disappointed he wasn’t an artificer, because they are cool and I love strange little magic devices and trinkets. Which, in comparison to no one else using magic except to become trademark animals and many non trademarked ones. Why would they not want people to know that druids, and bards, AND paladins, HAVE MAGIC?!? Don’t tell me they are too low level. I saw Xenk fight! Paladin Yendar is at least level 7. At least! (Maybe 6… but 7 is already a stretch tbh.) The rest? Bards have magic at level one, as do druids. And Druid Doric the Wild Shape was at least level 5 herself thank you. So no! Rejected, they where mid ranged level at least! Where’s the magic! Hmm!?

Imho they could have solved this several ways. (You can choose whichever combination you prefer). 1. Instead of uh, Bard (looks up his name) Edgin (lol) Darvis make him a mastermind Rogue or something. 2. If not, have him do spells but when Simon points it out everyone is like “no but that’s different because it’s music magic. Duh”. 3. Same thing for Doric, “no she can’t do it because she only has nature magic. It’s different”. 4. Hilariously, make Doric also terrible at casting spells. 5. I wanted Holga to rage more. I’m sry. Fighters can do everything she did and idc. Make it look magic or something. 6. Same with Xenk. Where was the brandishing his holy symbol and doing some magic? Bc I was like “wait is he just a high level fighter? Or rogue/fighter” (Which would have been funny to me) (ok I checked. He casts a spell on his sword once. Which I missed completely. Makes no difference to my point. Eldritch knight or trickster could do similar)

So that’s my review. If you made it this far good job. Tbh, I think I just know too much about Dnd, because otherwise I quite enjoyed this movie. I kinda hope they make more of them, so the studios better fucking learn to respect their workers and negotiate.

PS: Maybe we could do without the fat jokes next time. Or ever again.

PPS: srsly they better learn to negotiate. Because we have we have other options and I can watch countless actual plays for thousands of hours. And waiting the strike out so long people are starting to lose housing and probably worse? Well, there’s plenty of creator owned projects to provide more support to instead. (TBC- I mean if you can do that anyway but, like stop giving the assholes the support and distribute those funds to the creators)