#fandom bath bomb | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bear-remn · 1 month

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Girl, I’m addicted to your blog! It’s so creative and captivating; I can feel the vibrant energy between the characters. It’s truly rewarding to have so many brilliant artists in the fandom <3

I can’t wait to see a headcanon about Subaru; I think I’m going to die when that moment arrives.

(I'm sorry for any inconsistencies; my english isn't the best yet, and I sometimes need help :T)

— subaru headcanons!

omg ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ ty so much for your kind words! i felt appreciated reading it so thanks for making my day! youre such a sweetheart, ty again for support my blog and my art (๑´>᎑<)~*

here i bring subaru, and it was a little more difficult than with the rest of the sakamakis, maybe bc i dont get most of subarus actions, i think he is the one with more inconcistencias in his development so i hope i dont dissapoint with it, he is so difficult but so easy at the same time im going crazy.

tw: this post contains nsfw (+18)!!! if you dont like that content dont read it!

i spent so much time drawing this and it was so worth it, and i really was a little off with drawing him angry or neutral so i draw him with two cute little smiles, i also hated his hair during sketching this, fk desing, but i love it so much ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

his looks and selfcare

i think subaru is very handsome, like his brothers, but he dont know it, he dont realize how good looking he is. i can imagine subaru being constantly approached by his classmates, both woman and men, but since he ghe way he is, his appearance got overpowered by his personality.

i also think, maybe a little too out of the clue but, i think subaru face most of the time is like a little angry, without realizing it, his eyebrows furrow giving an angry image, even if he is not, it is like his face of rest. angry rest face.

i think subaru is very similar to his mother, but with the structure of his father, i imagine subaru with slanted eyes, a straight nose, and his strong jaw makes his face come together so well. i like to think subaru has a gentle gaze, not a killer one like ayato, maybe bc he is constantly on his past and feels pity for another living being, something in between.

i think subaru has one of the most hipnotizing eyes, not like his brothers tho. i like to think he is has more the kind of eyes shu has, like a deep color and with a fixed expression. i like to think they, shu and subaru, are very alike even if they have different mothers.

i belive subaru is the kind of man that don't sweat much, even so, i do think subaru likes to shower often, i think he is more into long hot boiling baths, and if he is more stress than normal, he totally is gonna ask for ayatos bath bombs or so, dont like candles tho. and i also think sometimes he fell asleep during some baths.

i think subaru might like sweet scents even if he deny it, he loves sweet smells. maybe a good vanilla or a coconut one, but i do see him liking sweet fruits, such as strawberries, peaches, and apples. specially peaches. he likes it on his shampoo, his conditiones, his bar soap and even the liquid soap for hands. but not on perfume.

i think subaru likes more mint, lemon or so when it comes to perfume.

oh, i think subaru also has more of straight hair than curly hair, you know when a part of your is more curly or has more volume than another part? thats subarus hair for sure, so he tends to make it even by brushing it.

i think subaru's body is... very very... like... hot you know? like he is tall and more thick than his brothers, with a wide back and shoulders. i also love imagine subaru with big arms and his forearms?? his hands?? just thick. very strong and definetly has veins in his arms without making an effort. and as shu, he also as a thick waist and a very strong and gooooood looking v line. and also has a happy trail. i mean. do you imagine him shaving often? his beautiful silver hair? no, he doesnt shave too much.

i think subaru, as rare as it might sound, gets hair on his chest, that hair he shaves it, but the hair of the rest of his body not too much, and its not visible either. like, white hair on his pale skin? not on easy sight.

oh, and he also has thick fingers and his nails are pretty avegare, but for some reason the nail of his pinky grows faster than the others, so he thens to bite that one.

and about his style, i do belive subaru only likes basics and neutrals clothes, but don't like to feel things around his neck, it get on his nerves, dont like oversize clothes either.

and to finish, subaru is like his two olders brothers and can't grow a hole beard, subaru shaves it right away when he sees a little bit of hair, makes him feel old too.

random stuff

to start off with this man. i have some thought on his behavior. like have you guys seen how jelaous he is? he is maybe the most childish one out the sakamakis when it comes to jealousy. and thats canon for me.

but i do see him being very passive aggressive with the people he enjoys to hang out, like if you are with him and you ask him for a pencil, he will just say no and then pass it to you. and with a dead ass angry face. no reason for it. or if you ask him a favor he will say "fuck off" and then do it.

i hate the fact of subaru not having not one single fucking hobby, wtf?? i dont belive it. i do think he might have tried stuff and just dont get too into it. but not every hobby, like maybe reading existencial poetry or even drawing or painting, i do see him as a artist kind of guy lol. i imagine subaru in his teen years, some time has passed since his mother died, and he always tries to paint in oil white roses, just to keep her mother in his mind but he hates it so much he destroys every stencil he makes.

i also think he might have tried to draw animals in the woods close to the manor but the animals moved so much he got frustrated and never tried again.

and maybe, a little sad, but he hates to cry, so he just let his tears fall from his eyes and bites on his lips to not make a sound, he will hate his brotheres to see him cry.

i think, subaru used to bite his nails, thinking and trying to understand his mother but at his age it was so confusing for him. and the hate just for seeing his father will make him bites on his fingers as well. he was very anxious in his childhood and no one, even when he tried to get close to the triples bc he wanted to play with them, he was left apart, so he never felt a part of anything, but i do belive subaru still want to be a real brother even if he dont know how to.

i think, even if subaru says otherwise, subaru likes spicy food, like hot flaming food, likes how it feels in his troat.

i also think he is more into weight lifting, thats why his body is more thick than his brothers that does another kind of excersize.

and as ayato, always feels anxious when is close to something religios, just feels weird and ridiculous for him. church's specially.

and i like to think, i know he will do it, when subaru can't sleep he taps the wood of his coffin whith his fingers on the beat on songs, like really soft and just for him to hear. eventually his fingers will stop bc he fall asleep.

or if he is bored he definetly play with his knife, like when the moonlight is bright on his window room. subaru will take his knife out and reflect the light on the silver, playing a little with it. sometimes he does this with his brothers when they are in the garden just minding their bussiness, making the little light come into their eyes and then hiding behind the curtains in his room. can't laugh, either way his brothers will know he was the one messing with them.

nsfw

ok, so.... his dick....

i belive, on my knees, that he always have the same size, like, you know meat team? yea... that. i see him as a good 18 cm, its thick and heavy, his balls too, the man is just a little too big for his own good. also has two prominent veins coming from his crocht to the tip, wich is a pretty soft salmon color. he keeps some hair but not too long, just enough to have a slight happy trail of his silver hair.

i think subaru is definetly a dominant, but not a harsh one, something like a service dom, he don't mind if you are on top or start things, but do likes to have most control of situations. but he don't seek a too submissive partner either, he wants you to desire it as much as he does. bc he does.

i think subaru is not good at flirting so much... i mean, i have to say it, subaru is rather shy when it comes to romance, basically bc he thinks he does'nt deserve any kind of love or affection, so yea, kinda difficult. so i think his way to show you he cares for you or is interested in you is quality time, like, i imagine subaru hanging out with you and just listening to whatever you're saying, and talking for him really makes him more interested for you, he is not the kind of guy that will see first your looks, it has not a single one bit of appeal for your body at first. and definetly he will not make the firts move, and im not talking about kissing, i am talking about fucking holding hands. yes.

and when he is feeling more confortable with you, subaru will start to checking you out, like watching your legs when you cross them, even if you have pants, the man is intriged. or if you have your hair up he cannot take his eyes off your neck, he really craves your physical touch. and if you catch him looking at you he will simply mess with you "what? im not watching you, just a fly pass by" yea he's that.

in other ocasions if he smells a change of scent due your perfume, he will get close to you but not enought to touch your skin "peaches? uh... not bad i suppose" but the man is obsessed.

and when the times come, when you kiss him subaru is a little taken aback but will hold you close and look into your eyes "are you sure? if you get involved with me, you will never go back to your old life, think wise or else you'll end up like me" but ofc, you choose him.

since that moment, he will bite you more often, but more gentle and hold you more close to his body, i imagine him biting your neck and drinking a little of you blood to then lick the wounds and kiss them so they can heal better, his kisses go up until his lips reach yours.

oh and his kisses? omg.

but before talking of subaru kisses, i have to say this.

i think subaru is very... like, into physical touch but in a more intimate way of, like very sutile and mature. idk but. i imagine subaru hanging out with you, maybe watching a movie and if the pose while sitting fit. subaru will have one of his hands caressing you back under your shirt. like not sexually intended, just likes to feel your skin every chance he gets. and don't put his nails againts your back bc he know you may get ghostbumps. he definetly is more of a back guy than a boob or ass man.

and if the moment pops out, and you're sitting in subaru's lap, he will touch your belly gently while resting his head on your shoulder. he loves that kind of contact with you, it means a lot to him.

and if youre using a loose shirt he have more freedom to touch as he wish, and... im losing it.

subaru in some moment will get heated by your body, since vampires can't produce body heat like humans, and will mess with you for that, but in a different way you may think "lean more againts me... your back is more hot when you're on my lap huh... don't you dare to get up" his lips are in your nape, gently kissing it while touching your belly. and if youre moving too much on top of him he might get a little bit worked up. so he will take you by your jaw and make you face him for a wet kiss.

he is'nt much of words in those moments, for him, your eyes say everything he needs to know. so... his kisses.

little detail about subaru, i dont think he will do anything with someone he is'nt truly interested, i mean, really into you, so he is'nt dry or something like that, he is very much passionate about everything he does to you and with you.

so now, his kisses, finally.

subaru likes soft and tender smooches, i see him always trying to kiss you or give you a little peck, ofc when you two are alone, dont like to make things in front of people. don't put on a show. so when the kiss gets hotter, subaru will gently bite on your lip and explore with his tongue your mouth, slowly and with no rush. feeling how hot your tongue is really makes him moan a little into your mouth, can't control his hands when your body is so hot compared to his. loves it.

so, back to the lap situation. subaru will go straight into a wet kiss, sucking on your tongue and pressiong his croch into your ass while squeezing your thigh. his breath in your lips as you hold on his strong arms, feeling how he control himself. subaru will bite your little tongue on his mouth as his hands go to hold gently your tits "ya want it? wanna go to bed or..?" and yes... he tries to be as gentle with you as he can.

i think subaru likes to carry you to bed or his coffin, likes to get your scent into it so he can sleep better later, but can't deny the bed is more confortable.

but sometimes, when the situation is more desesperate, like after a walk or a public event, he will pin you down on the floor and start kissing and biting your neck and chest "you wanted this huh? dont act dumb on me, you know what you do to me" and his hungry eyes for you will melt you completly, subaru with needy eyes is dangerous.

i think subaru don't really likes to put nicknames on you, for him the pretty name of yours feels like sweet honey on his mouth to say, so he definetly calls you by your name always. but sometimes he feels freaky and likes to call you his good girl.

and sometimes while taking off your clothes he rips them apart but not intencionally "fuck, sorry hun, this stupid fabric always gets on the way... i'll buy you a new one, a better one... or maybe you should stay like this in bed forever hehe... " and since subaru is good and nice, he is a service dom.

i think subaru enjoys to make you suffer for his mouth every chance he gets, and he got to know your body so well that he knows how to make you tremble.

subaru loves eating you out, feeling your thighs trembles and holding around his head is everything for him. subaru will lick, suck and kiss your clit, not giving attention to any other part of you body, your climax will be more late but more intense. subaru moans while eating it, hold one of you legs with one hand while the other is holding your hand, feeling how you grip his big fingers and thick knucles. after you cum he don't stop, he will lick clean every part that is wet around your pussy. his chin and lips shiny from your liquids "what? want a taste? hehe" oh, and his eyes? omg his beautiful eyes look hipnotized by your body, watching into your eyes with a gentle yet intense gaze of desire. omfg.

and if you suck him off i imagine him seated and you in your knees, taking his dick in your mouth is kinda of a challenge, bc the man in a little too thick for your little mouth, and he tries not to push you but everything about you is so hot, literally, he sometimes is afraid you may burn him with you body "dont push yourself too much... yes... that's good... youre being such a good girl" but don't like to cum on your face, he has another plans for that.

i think subaru likes to make you cum on his fingers as well, and since his fingers are thick and long enough he easily abuse your g-spot so many times until you cum again, will lick his fingers to then start touching himself as you position yourself for him.

and about positions, i think he is rather simple sometimes but if hes feeling it, might do the pose where he is standing and you're holding in the air with your legs around his waist and your hands in his shoulders. ofc he has the strenght and the size so... yea. in that position subaru is the one in full control, holding you by your butt cheeks making you move up and down on his trobing dick, and your pussy feels so good in that positions, tight and so fucking wet for him. some of your liquids fall to his legs but he can't care less, he is too inmerse in how your jaw drop in every thrust, how your eyes look into his with a needy look and your pink cheeks shine under the soft moonlight "who's my good girl huh?... yes you are... fuck... ya' better milk me good ah.." and feeling how you tighten around him makes his hands hold you more rough and fuck you hard. the wet noises with your moans and his horny grunts makes the air hot to breath, almost like a sauna, your only body heat was enough to make everything around burn in desire.

another position can be reverse coswgirl, but again, he is the one moving your body, not completly tho. i imagine subaru gasping hard while watching how you move your hips and back to have a better access to a deep conection. oh and subaru? he has to bite his bottom lip for how good you look from behind, your back is everything to him and his abs contract at the mere sight of the curvature of your back. his pace become erratic for it. he goes hard and his voice grunts a little over how fast and hard he is pushing into you, eventually subaru push your face into the matress in all four and fuck you until he cums in your back, to then put it in again and slap your ass "wanna rematch? haha" he jokes, not entirely tho.

i also think if you two got into a second round, he will let you have more control than before, will let you ride him as much as you wanted to, but facing you. and he is all into your face expressions. loves to see how your jaw drops and your eyes go blank for some seconds. his hands will squeeze your tits that bounce a little and play with your nipples, loves to make them hard. subaru's eyes sometimes will look how you move your hips, in circles or from back to front or even bouncing a little. he finds your body cute in a sexy way, its little compared by his size, and your little efforts really put a smile in his face.

oh, i also belive subaru likes when you dig your nails into his skin, any part of it, his back, his arms, his abs or his chest, he likes that a lot.

and when you both cums he will do it inside you, feeling how you milk him makes subaru not to pull out never, he is so in love of how your body heat burns every part of him.

"you did good... c'me here... my good girl did so good..."

finally, the aftercare is nice and calm, sweet too. subaru will cuddle you hiding his face in your chest, while he hugs you and tap on your back gently, like he does to his coffin before going to sleep, he wants you to relax as much as he does with that little finger tap he does.

"i love you..."

── more of my content here!

#diabolik lovers #shu sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #diabolik lovers ayato #reiji sakamaki #diabolik lovers oc #diabolik boys #laito sakamaki #diabolik lovers smut #diabolik lovers kanato #diabolik lovers subaru #diabolik lovers reiji #diabolik brothers #diabolik oc #diabolik lovers laito #subaru #sakamaki family #kanato sakamaki #subaru sakamaki

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nekropsii · 4 months

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Atomic Ask Bomb... 2!!

Hello, all! We are back in the mines immediately, because you all love me and my inbox so much. I still have 200+ more asks to sort through after this and that is not hyperbole!! Oops!!

Content Warning: Long, and Cronus is There.

You can be both. I am both. I think Terezi's easily in the Top 3 of Best Written Homestuck Characters, no competition. AND she compels me.

Mituna Fans and Terezi Fans flocking together like how Gays and Lesbians are supposed to.

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He doesn't have a Recuperacoon. He doesn't NEED a Recuperacoon. Who needs a Recuperacoon when you have a bathtub? You pile a bunch of slime in there, and then you can pop the drain open in the morning and take a shower right there where you just got up. It's convenient. And not at all sad. It's not sad guys.

Let's pretend for a moment that either Vantas would have regular bathing habits for the sake of this joke.

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Even if that's the case, it really doesn't change anything. Insecurity doesn't justify literal actual sexual harassment and sexual assault. What?

People will do anything to excuse random shitty men for being shitty. Sympathy is the favorite weapon in Fandom Misogyny's arsenal. So often will fans pull some random bullshit out of their ass just to say that it's fine that a male character is abusive, especially if it's to women, because "He's Sad", so he should never face criticism or punishment for his actions.

We should all start putting people in blenders. We've let these arguments go on long enough. People are far too bold in their abuse apologia. We need to kill them.

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Yeah. Like, he interests me a lot, he's one of the characters I take the most interest in out of all of the Alpha Trolls. I literally write sov!Cronus. I hate his guts, though. It really is just that easy to be a fan of a character and also fucking hate them. Not once have I ever made an excuse for him. The goal Hussie set out for when writing him was making him inexcusable and irredeemable, down to Cronus literally knowing what he's doing is bad and hurts people, and simply just not caring.

Cronus is genuinely fucking evil. That's the whole point. If you make him misunderstood, if you make him mean well, if you make him lack self awareness, if you make him sympathetic, if you give him any redeeming qualities at all... You are missing the point completely. If you want a sympathetic asshole character, you want Vriska. The point of Cronus is that he's The Worst Character In Homestuck, and that he has zero redeeming qualities and trying to fix him or redeem him is a Hopeless venture. He is beyond saving. Don't you dare even think about trying - to try to make him palatable is to erase Violent Bigotry, Incest, and Child Sexual Abuse. Just don't. Enjoy him as he is, do NOT defang him.

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He truly is the worst! I think we should explode all depictions of fanon!Cronus. Forever.

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Yeah, there's a huge reason why I do not say I'm a fan of Cronus or call him a favorite character of mine or anything. It projects a certain... Image. The wrong one. There's just such a strong precedent for anyone saying they're a Cronus Fan or calling him their Favorite Character being a person who just completely fucking ignores everything about him, or even pardons it, saying it's fine, actually, because He's Sad, or that it's Not That Bad, actually. I can't stand it.

I'm aware there are Cronus Fans who are totally normal, but I cannot help but immediately be wary of them, or flinch for a moment even when they offer the reassurance that they know better. It's a natural response, having been here for around a decade and having been a Mituna Fan the whole time.

Liking characters who are terrible people is fine. Based, even, in some cases. But... It's truly difficult with Cronus, because so much of that fanbase relies on excusing/minimizing/condoning abuse and bigotry. I don't have any qualms with people liking characters that suck, but when a fanbase for a character is so heavily focused on pretending that character isn't a horrible, terrible, awful person who abuses people - even children, even people they're related to, even children that they're related to - for nothing but their own sexual gain... I start having issues. That sets a pretty dangerous precedent, to me.

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It's crazy to me how so much of the apologism is because he's hot. Because he literally isn't. You all have terrible taste.

Let's all appreciate for a moment just how fucking ugly he is. The fan art is lying so bad. He needs a haircut. His shirt doesn't fit him, and honestly looks like women's clothes - you know those women's shirts that have the sleeves that stop halfway down the damn shoulder? He looks like a 16 year old. He's so skinny, and his shoulders are so... rounded and small - which are fine traits to have, but literally every piece of fanart portrays him as broad-shouldered and ripped when the literal opposite is true. You just know he has too much product in his hair. His actual sprite is even worse.

The way his fly doesn't even go all the way up. The way his hair clips into his face. The way he's slightly yellow for literally no reason. The shitty belt. This fucking sucks. He's so ugly. He isn't even hot.

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Mituna having Memory Loss as a result of his TBI is literally a myth invented by Cronus to emotionally manipulate Mituna and perpetuated by Cronus Fans. I think if they were friends in the past, Cronus's actions would be worse, actually.

Could you imagine getting sad that your friend doesn't remember you because of a Traumatic Brain Injury, and your response to this sadness is to abuse and sexually assault them on the regular? What, is that Just Bro Things now? Cronus literally says he targets Mituna because he thinks he can get away with it due to his struggles with communication. The thing about them being buddies in the past was one of his trademark Lies. Because he is known to do that, specifically to manipulate people. Because he is known to manipulate people. Emotionally. Because he is abusive. And terrible. And not redeemable. This isn't rocket science! It isn't rocket science to say that pushing the fault of Mituna's abuse onto Mituna is Victim-Blaming!

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Positively fucking ridiculous that so many people did not recognize their romance within the comic. If they were boys, there'd be no god damn question about it. It'd be up there in everyone's OTP list alongside DaveKat.

I think they're adorable. They're one of my favorite pairings.

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It's great in the source comic, especially during earlier phases of its existence, but the quality deprecates drastically the further you get from that point. I hate it in Fanon and in Dub/Post-Canon.

It's a great off-screen pairing for a lot of lore reasons - namely it being great to let Dave slowly allow himself to love and be loved in private, with no fear of eyes on him. He's never really been able to have privacy before, with all the cameras and eyes on him all the time, and he's never been able to really let his guard down and be vulnerable. He's never been able to love and be loved, safely. I ultimately think they should've kept their relationship mostly private, even after Dave's recovered quite a bit, because sometimes having something just for yourself without that need to perform it is healing in itself. Mental health maintenance.

In Fanon, it seems like pretty standard yaoi, though. Boring. Tired. Literally everywhere. Voyeuristic as always.

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Thank you! My Inbox generally really isn't that bad at all, honestly! Most people are pretty cordial! Anon Hate for me is pretty rare. Thankfully, the Delete Ask button exists, so I don't have to worry about those Anons for very long, lol.

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I hate to say this, but back in my day, plenty of people actually did do that. In fact, people only knowing Homestuck through fan material and then still calling themselves a fan is a big reason why old Homestuck fanon was so bad and so far off the mark!

I have a name for those kinds of fans, because it was such a frequent occurrence it begged for a title. I call them Secondaries. Like "Secondary Source"!

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World's most based triad, I think. Should be real. It's real to me.

7H15 15 MY 91RLFR13NF, L47UL4. 4DN 7H51 15 7UL45 9R1LFR13ND, P0RR1M.

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I think everyone should start watching actual horror movies. I think these people should watch Re-Animator and Bride of Re-Animator. I think this would fix the fandom, because a lot of people are just posting about horror movies without realizing they're posting about horror movies. Go watch a horror movie. They even have more and, frankly, more interesting gay representation than... Whatever Dirk and Jake have going on. Sorry.

If you're a gay man, get some hair on your chest and watch a bunch of horror movies. There's more in this life than anime twinks and skinny white pixel men. There's BlackRom Old Man Pet Play (The Lighthouse, 2019), there's Tormented Huge Dirty Bear (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, 2006), there's The Bisexual Psychological Torture + Betrayal Chamber (Saw, 2004), there's Dysfunctional Gay Marriage Disputes (Re-Animator, 1985, Bride of Re-Animator, 1990). And way more other ones than I can really list. Expand your horizons.

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Not much. It's a bit mysterious. Here's what Aranea had to say about Mituna in general, which gives us most of the crumbs we have:

The Heir of Doom was once a powerful psionic. He had much to say when it came to warning us a8out the path of doom and destruction we were all headed for, 8ut no one took him very seriously. 8ut one day he lost all those abilities when he 8adly overexerted himself. It's hard to get any specifics from him, 8ut indications are that he applied every last 8it of energy he had toward some great act of heroism, saving us all from some looming threat. Not only did his exertion permanently 8urn out his psychic a8ilities, 8ut it left him somewhat... er. Incoherent. The entire incident is shrouded in mystery. From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, as the only eye witness. And of course it's impossi8le to get any relia8le information out of him. I guess we may never know, sadly.

This does say quite a lot, but not really anything specific. We've got some stuff about how he's the session's Cassandra, the fact that the GAoH was NOT an accident (this is the misconception that pisses me off the most, I think - I hate when people call it an accident), the fact that he was protecting everyone from something... The fact that he DOES remember it, the fact that Kurloz was there, as the only eye witness, and refuses to talk about it.

It leaves plenty of room for speculation. A little too much room for me, honestly, but that's fine, I'm not really pressed about it.

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roosterm3attrash · 7 months

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101 ways to kill Barney Calhoun

I ended up making this list by going through multiple servers and people so here cuz I found it in my phone notes

Anyway the brilliant minds of the half-life fandom

1.) Waited pressure plate with tnt under it

2.) im going to leave mines under his mattress

3.) i’m setting a rake on his floor so he steps on it and whacks his face

4.) I'm giving him a bomb disguised as a cigar

5.) barney death 3: he ate what elvis presley ate….

6.) I would kill Barney Calhoun by slapping him so hard on the ass that it gives him cardiac arrest

7.) I drop him onto a pit of venomous snakes

8.) Im going to give Barney a beer but instead of beer it will be filled with deadly neurotoxin

9.) “now gordon, ive been keepin an eye out on this combine hideout for a while. they seem to walk in a certain pattern when crossing over to the entrance, which makes me think theyve buried mines all over the place. now, ive memorized the pattern, so im just gonna sneak on over, and you follow my lead, alright? dont worry, i know exactly where all the mines are.” and then he explodes

10.) that one episode of sponge bob where he eats the exploding pie and explodes

11.) set up tripwire then he falls into a tiger pit

12.) I type kill npc_barney into console

13.) slap the boobies off his chest so hard them fly around the world and hit the side of his head like water balloons

14.) i could marry him and slowly feed him mercury over a span for 3 years until he dies of mercury poisoning

15.) He tries to become a wwe wrestler but gets killed in a freak accident mid match

16.) I would kill him by making him a pizza but it’s covered in big chunks of lead but it’s hidden in the sauce and it’s a Chicago style pizza

17.) bring him to a highway and kiss him so hard he gets knocked onto the road and gets ran over

18.) Peeling him apart by the dna strand and eating it like spaghetti

19.) barney gets trampled by a stampede of horses

20.) giving him under the counter off brand viagra

21.) put him in a washing machine and turn it on

22.) shark attack

23.) pit of sharks

24.) barney gets criticized so badly he dies

25.) barney sits in an uncomfortable chair for too long

26.) He gets his arm caught in a bear trap w a beer used as a lure

27.) HE BECOMES THE CAT THAT TRAUMATIZED HIM. HE….YKNOW…..

28.) he gets stuck in a swimming pool like hes in the sims and dies from getting exhausted and drowning

29.) barney roasting marshmallows but his stick ignites into flames and he burns to death

30.) ATTACH SO MANY BALLOONS TO BARNEY HE FLOATS AWAY INTO THE SKY NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN

31.) barney gets rejected by gordon and he gets so sad his body shuts down

32.) I kiss him so tenderly on the lips that he melts into a puddle and dies

33.) i throw him in to a volcano so that he melt into a puddle and dies

34.) "I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside of another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives…I’ll smash it with a hammer!"

35.) stick a bottle of beer into his throat, the whole bottle

36.) give Barney Calhoun a beer can full of poison

37.) hang a piano over the toilet and wait

38.) i think barney should have his spine ripped out through his mouth

39.) he goes to a bar and tries flirting with the bartender and the bartender takes out a shotgun and kills him on the spot

40.) punch him so hard in the penis that he shatters like a brittle glass

41.) bite him in half

42.) I'm grinding him in a giant shredder

43.) bro took a bath in hot mac 'n cheese

44.) i put him ina giant caldron full of water and i begin boiling him down to gelatin and broth

45.) barney accompanies the crew to the borealis and he steps over thin ice and gets dunked into the below zero water and freezes to death

46.) barney calhoun gets carried away by a tornado

47.) took barney on a vacation to Hawai’i and pushed him into a volcano

48.) He dies and he's never mentioned again and nobody cares

49.) died of tummy ache

50.) Stepped on by a strider

51.) shrinked until he disappeared completely

52.) blasted into the sun

53.) Stab him with 300 pencils made with real lead

54.) slip and falls and dies

55.) put him into a Minecraft furnace

56.) Barney ignores the wet floor sign and slips and cracks his head

57.) while swimming in the swimming pool he swims to fast and smashes his face against the pool's wall

58.) he gets a concussion and drowns

59.) i want to put him through a lunchmeat slicer

60.) He falls off a dumb huge cliff

61.) he lives his life to the fullest and at his deathbed at age 93, June 29th, 6:12 am he passes away

62.) he eats a burgie with too much grease and gets a heart attack

63.) testicular cancer

64.) He should get sucked into a fan while trying to fix it at Black Mesa and literally no one comes looking for him

65.) The Pita Bread Room

66.) slipped on a Banana peel

67.) ran over by a crap ton of shopping carts rolling down the hill

68.) barney overheats in a fursuit

69.) he has sex so bad that he dies

70.) Barney dies because i fucking kill him with a shovel 🖕

71.) barney eats the gas station sushi

72.) barney faints via twirling around and holding his hand in front of his forehead, and then slowly lying down with a flower in his hands to indicate death

73.) When they turn off the suppression fields he just blows up

74.) barney gets crushed by a giant boulder thats all i got son

75.) barney goes to the beach that makes you old

76.) His head spontaneously combusts and pops like corn

77.) erectile dysfunction

78.) we should also have him get carbon monoxide poisoning

79.) barney gets gaussian blurred into nothingness

80.) he eats 20 year old expired mcdonalds burger and contracts the worst case of food poisoning youve ever seen

81.) Have we done tying him to a train track like a damsel

82.) he dies in a glue trap

83.) barney develops lactose intolerance over the years of combine occupation and he drink milk and then dies from shitting hinself to death

84.) he should chocke on his favourite food

85.) barney gets lead poisoning from a 1990s garfield glass mug

86.) he chokes on plastic

87.) barney gets thrown throw a glass window from a 15 story building

88.) gordon gives barney a wedgie so bad that he splits in half and dies

89.) gordon and barney divorce and barney dies from heartbreak

90.) alyx and gordon have enough of barney’s snoring so they smother him in his sleep with a pillow

91.) he trips while walking with gordon and impales himself on gordons crowbar face

92.) if he were the size of an ant he'd be ok instead he blows up like a watermelon and his remains are fed to lamarr by a very delighted kleiner. he fucking hated barney

93.) dog roughhouses with barney and accidentally obliterates his spinal cord

94.) barney gets poisoned to death by his own chumtoad

95.) coats him in eggs and flour and fries him

96.) snatched by a hawk and eten alive

97.) barney gets to participate in a danganronpa killing game and gets executed

98.) barney opens the love-letter-for-you.txt.vbs file and it kills him

99.) elaborate rube goldberg machine to drop an anvil on barney

100.) barney dies in an Iron Maiden

101.) we should put barney under those old timey stone tablets meant to squish and torture people and make them talk

#half life #barney calhoun #half life 2 #hl

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karlachismylife · 20 days

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Juju's Masterlist

god i love how they look at each other when i place pictures like this

Figured this might be needed! As I am planning to spam-reblog so much cool stuff...

Hi, I'm Juju (or Juju Starr more formally XD), 22 yo and in this blog I primarly write things on the rarepair I came up with, Karlach (Baldur's Gate 3) x Soap (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, reboot trilogy by default).

However, I also write things in both these fandoms with other characters, different ships (including other ships with Karlach and Soap), poly ships, x reader and x OC. There are NSFW ones and I will be checking every blog interacting with them, so minors and ageless blogs DNI, please.

Requests are open! Send in anything <3

*also I have no idea if I'm using the word blurb right, feel free to correct!

The masterlist itself is under the cut!

First mention of Karlach x Soap (a little overview of the ship dynamic)

I Might Have A Type (a post mentioning how the ship was born, trust me, there's concrete evidence of them being compatible)

All things Karlach x Soap (thoughts, fics, little ideas and concepts - simply sorted by hashtag)

Karlach x Soap fics

Morning Routine (blurb, fluff, 238 words) - Karlach, Soap and shaving

Birds of a Feather (blurb, fluff, 271 words) - Karlach and her dynamic with task force 141

They're Horny (blurb, smutty (NSFW), 228 words) - Karlach is horny and Soap is horny, but there's a difference (there's not)

Explosive Love (blurb, fluff, 105 words) - what it's like when you have a demolitions expert and a walking bomb on your team

Not Fair (blurb, angst, 457 words) - Soap is there when Karlach breaks down after the death of a certain bastard

Restless Fingers (blurb, fluff, 130 words) - one word: fidgeting

Scar Twinsies (blurb, fluff, 245 words) - surviving Hell and blowing shit up leaves similar marks

Practice Makes Perfect (drabble, fluff, 932 words) - something from Soap's weaponry catches Karlach's eye and he does not miss an opportunity for a date

Tactic Tactile Affections (headcanons, fluff, 764 words) - it's not just about kissing and fucking!

Baby Fever (blurb, fluff, 260 words) - can you imagine their babies tho (C)

Is It Visual Stimming or Is He A Romantic? (drabble, fluff, 945 words) - something about smouldering coal is just so mesmerizing... what are you looking at, Johnny?

Hey Skullboy (blurb, fluff w/angst, 467 words) - Karlach shares with Ghost not only his sergeant, but also trauma

Solar Eclipse mini-series (2 parts)

Total Eclipse of the Heart (drabble, fluff w/angst, 1286 words) - dog tags can be so many things, learns Karlach when she spots an unfamilar piece of jewelry among other alien things Soap brought from his world (part 1) Worshipping the Sun (drabble, fluffy smut (NSFW), 4201 words) - solar eclipse is beautiful, thinks Johnny when he looks at his circular dogtags blocking out the glowing light of Karlach's engine. He wouldn't mind seeing a thousand of those as soon as he gets a chance to make the little steel plates bounce on her chest (part 2)

Introductions (blurb, fluff, modern!AU, 105 words) - what Soap would call Karlach in modern!AU

Two of Us Wearing Raincoats (headcanons, fluff, partially suggestive, partially modern!AU, 2855 words) - requested domestic fluff, a lot of it!

Love Texting (blurb, fluff, modern!AU, 96 words) - what their texting looks like (Karlach is illiterate, Soap is Soap)

(Be)longing (blurb, suggestive fluff, 190 words) - Johnny and collars, am I right?

Bath Time (blurb, fluff, 246 words) - sharing a bath to save time

Karlach x Ghoap (Ghost x Soap) fics

Package Deal (blurb, fluff, 135 words) - tame one golden retriever, get one free

None Are Free Until (blurb/idea, angst w/fluff, modern!AU, 558 words) - anarchist!Karlach and everything complicated because of that

Call of Duty fics

Task Force 141 Ensemble

Their reaction to you playing datesim games (individual drabbles, fluff, partially suggestive (NSFW), no use of Y/N gn!reader-insert, 5073 words) - how do they find out and what do they think?

You're a character in their favourite game (individual blurbs, no use of Y/N gn!reader-insert, 786 words) - how do they approach you in-game?

The Queen of the Clan || Series masterlist (hyena shapeshifter!AU, no use of Y/N fem!chubby!reader-insert) - when you decide to shake up your life a bit and partake in a trip with a documentary crew, you have no idea that meeting an unnaturally friendly hyena and have it mark your backpack would be only the beginning of weird things to come. Whatever will you do when a leaderless clan of four male hyenas chooses you as their matriarch?

Soap

Rushed (blurb, fluff, 78 words) - what some consider rushed, Johnny considers almost too late

Mohawk Appreciation Time (blurb, fluff, mentioned Karlach x Soap but Soap-centred, 249 words) - I do not condone calling his mohawk stupid unless it's fully affectionate!

Emotional Support Dog (drabble, fluff, no use of Y/N gn!reader-insert, 1132 words) - when you're struggling with work-related stress, Johnny's there for support

I'm In Love 100 Times (drabble, fluff, no use of Y/N gn!reader-insert, 485 words) - when you look at Soap, you almost choke on your love for him, but he's there to rescue

Ghost

Now They Ain't Got a Prayer (drabble, hurt/comfort, no use of Y/N gn!military!reader-insert, 1479 words) - after a mission goes not like planned, there's a heavy feeling in the air, but there's something even heavier in your chest

Ghoap (Ghost x Soap)

Help! (blurb, fluff, 213 words) - thoughts on Simon Riley and The Beatles

Baldur's Gate fics

Dammon

Forged Under the Stars (drabble, fluff, no use of Y/N gn!reader-insert, 1157 words) - at the Tiefling Party Dammon comes over to sit with you under the stars

will be re-working this thing

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firecurls-27 · 1 month

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Question for your oc #1 (can be any oc that’s your favorite. Fandom oc or not.)

What is your oc’s weekly splurge? If they don’t have one, what would it be?

I’ll go first: my oc vessel splurges on bath-bombs and whisky.

#my post #ask firecurls #cuphead oc #original oc #original character #questions for your oc

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sburator · 7 days

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I present for your enjoyment, now complete:

The past unspooled, the future's thorny knot unravels (29781 words) by sburator Chapters: 6/6 Fandom: Interview with the Vampire (TV 2022) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Armand/Daniel Molloy Characters: Daniel Molloy, Armand (Vampire Chronicles) Additional Tags: Some more or less background OCs to serve the plot, Devil's Minion Era Happened (Interview with the Vampire TV 2022), although a little differently, Explicit Sexual Content, Fade to Black, (sporadic), Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Murder, Old man yaoi, mentions of drug use, talks of, Addiction, Old Daniel Molloy, Blood Drinking, After Dubai, Medical Inaccuracies, Daniel gets hurt (in more ways than one), neither of them knows how to relationship, but they're trying, Daniel Molloy doth protest too much, Mortal Daniel Molloy to Vampire Daniel Molloy Series: Part 2 of The Devil, his own self Summary:

Old man Daniel Molloy and even older vampire Armand navigate the threads of their shared past, unearthing memories, facing unforeseen challenges, and learning how to move forward when all they've been doing is looking back.

Featuring: prickly Daniel, doting Armand, both of them are absolutely whipped, bath bombs, a straight-razor shave, Daniel monologuing, Daniel's eventual turning.

#iwtv #devil's minion #daniel molloy #armand #fanfic

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miniscrew-anon · 1 month

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To: [email protected] Subject: My bath bombs require a minimum temperature of 102 degrees to properly break down Dear Sir Link of Kokiri Forest, This is your tenant in Bedroom#3. I am writing to inform you of a serious issue regarding the usability of house amenities. ---- AKA Warriors is Times tenant.

#i wrote this in like 2 hours #it made me giggle so i hope you enjoy it #thank you for everyone who helped me figure out how to address Time in email format #yall are the real MVPS #townhouse au #hsh au #st0rmyverse #hsh warriors #hsh time #the others are briefly mentioned #email fic #hsh

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lovesick-level-up · 2 years

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Arataki Itto Stimboard With Breaking And Bright Colour Stims

@g0v3rm3nt-h00k3r requested: Hi Hi! May I please have an arrataki Itto stimboard with breaking and just general brightly coloured stims

🌈 🌈 🌈, 🌈 🌈 🌈, 🌈 🌈 🌈

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact edit #arataki itto #genshin itto #stimboard #genshin stimboard #stimboard edit #breaking stim #bath bomb stim #smashing stim #edit #fandom edit #edit blog #[our edits]#[moondust -😈🧷🎶]#[our comforts]

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psalacanthea · 8 months

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Dawn on the Horizon- A Jaheira-inspired Perfume Blend

This is a recipe for an essential oil blend which can be used for aromatherapy in an oil warmer, as an oil-based perfume, or in the making of bath or skin products. The recipe is a RATIO, which means that it can be easily doubled or tripled depending on what you’re using it for.

A scent inspired by the well-traveled Harper Druid companion of BG1-3, Jaheira. Bright, complex, sharp, and intensely herbal, this blend evokes crushed aromatics and sunrise on an open road. Just a tiny hint of floral softens the sharp edges at first, but that impression quickly gives way to prickly greenery and crushed evergreen needles.

Can be used in lotions, cologne bases or with a carrier oil, but would not recommend for use in cosmetics that are applied to the face or mouth. As I have allergies stemming from many synthetic scents, I only use essential oils. For those on a budget, this can be made with fragrance oils.

Jaheira Essential Oil Blend Recipe

3 drops Lemon Essential Oil (citrus x limon)

2 drops Fir Needle Essential Oil (abies sabirica)

3 drops Juniper Berry Essential Oil (juniperus communis)

3 drops Rosemary Essential Oil (rosmarinus officianalis)

2 drops Vetiver Essential Oil (vetiveria zizanioides)

1 drop Ylang Ylang Complete (cananga odorata)

Notes:

Wet: Goes on with bright lemon and the tiny hint of sweetness from the Ylang Ylang, fading into a complex astringent-herbal scent that is very uplifting and bracing. Energizing.

Dry: The astringency fades, but the herbal and evergreen scents remain, edges rounded out by the grounded earthiness of the vetiver, leaving it subtle, but complex, with just a hint of lingering softness.

these notes are from ME, and do not mean you will experience the perfume in the same way!

Warnings&Comments:

Please be aware if you’ve never used essential oils- they should be diluted with a carrier oil before being applied to skin. Good quality grapeseed oil isn’t a bad choice, and it’s cheap! I use sweet almond usually.

If you've never used EO for perfumery/bath products, I recommend diluting one drop in a little bit of carrier oil and testing them each on your skin individually. They are plant extracts! They contain stuff that can irritate some people!

Not a food safe blend.

Can smell completely different on your skin from person to person, due to how essential oils react with body chemistry

Store your finished product in a container that is tinted, as exposure to sunlight will make the scent fade faster.

Citrus oils are photoreactive. They will burn your skin if you go into direct sunlight after applying.

I would recommend testing this as a perfume before making it into bath products; although the amount is quite low, some people can still have skin reactions to citrus oils. (for example I can't use sweet orange in bath bombs without a slight burning sensation, but i can use other citrus oils!)

If you don't like florals leave out the Ylang Ylang! It's very strong (even in only one drop) and some people find it cloying. I find the lemon in this nicely tempers it, but it's a polarizing scent so I get not wanting to use it.

Other BG3 Scents:

Astarion: Midnight Bacchanal, Death's Garden

Gale: Faithfully Yours

Shadowheart: Night Orchid

Wyll: Heart of Adventure

#fandom scents #essential oil blend #Jaheira #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #! I forgot to post my Halsin one I think!#I can't find it #lol #I did make bath bombs out of it and my friends love it so I suppose it's tested enough #I'll post it tomorrow #my version of this also has spanish marjoram and rhododendron but I made a version without them #as those two aren't easy to find <3

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littlejazzy · 3 months

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Do you have good recommendations for AgeRe stories? Something really cute and fluffy? (I'm a lonely regressor and I love reading stories about really sweet caregivers.)

I do!! I adore reading agere fics, so here are some recs! I hope you enjoy!!! 💖

Gen:

Decontamination by SailorChibi - Marvel - Baby!Tony and CG!Steve - After a battle, Steve takes care of his baby - (This one is a Classification!AU/Littles are Known!AU... like, one of the very first ones. Very good and fluffy. If you ever read thorough their fics, (tagged NSAP bc agere straight up did not exist as a community yet) you'll start spotting alot of things that other people were/are inspired from.)

Picnic by SailorChibi - Marvel - Baby!Tony, CG!Steve, Middle!Bucky, Toddler!Clint, CG!Coulson, Kiddo!Scott, CG!Sam W., Kiddo!Peter P., CG!Wade, Kid!Wanda, and CG!Vision - All the Avengers have a nice picnic - (classification!au, but a different verse than the previous fic jsyk. this one is suuuuper fluffy and cute and fun <3)

Less than Five by SailorChibi - Daniel Craig's James Bond - Little!Q and CG!Bond - Q regresses smaller than usual; his daddy makes sure he's taken care of - (classification!AU, first of a series. first two fics are pretty fluffy, but the third has some angst, which makes the fluff even sweeter, in my opinion)

coffee makers and bumblebees by orchidsncrake - Daredevil - Little!Matt and CG!Foggy - Matt becomes overstimulated and after an altercation with the office's coffee maker, Foggy is there to make everything better

Small surprises by undergroundrice - Daredevil - Little!Matt and CG!Foggy - Foggy stumbles onto Matt regressing, and together they figure it out

A Second Shot by mylittlestories - MCU - Little!Natasha, Little!Clint, and CG!Coulson - Natasha didn't have much of a childhood. When she sees that having a second one is possible, she wants; Coulson and Clint are happy to make her family :) - (This one is unfinished, but what's there is just so nice I have to include it!!)

Give your Dreams the Wings to Fly by Honey_Dewey - FNAF Movie - Little!Matt and CG!Ness - Mike gets sick at work, but his boyfriend is there to make everything okay

the road to hope and adventures into the unknown (target) by romansprince - Barbie (2023) - Little!Ken, then CG!Barbie and CG!Gloria - Ken has become human... except he's never had a childhood. Sometimes he feels Fuzzy, but that's something he thinks he can keep secret. As he turns out, he can't, but it works out anyway - (Two separate fics that take place in the same universe/series. The first one/set-up is a little angsty, but the second is more fluffy)

Movie Night by mcschnuggles - Heathers - Little!JD and CG!Veronica - JD unexpectedly drops into headspace during a movie night with the rest of the teenagers; Veronica helps him through it - (Modern!AU, Everyone Lives!AU, this one is kinda angsty, but like, it's canon appropriate, lol - also!!! make sure that you check out the author's other works!!!!! lots of agere fics for a large variety of fandoms!!)

Toffee Ticking Time Bomb by GayCheerios - Star Wars - Little!Anakin and CG!Obi-Wan - Obi-Wan has to find his padawan's stuffie before the inevitable temper tantrum ensues - (classification!AU, part of a very nice and good series that, if you enjoy this fic, you should also check out)

Baby's First Bath by CyberToddler - Beetlejuice: The Musical - Toddler!Beetlejuice and CG!Maitlands - The Maitlands give Beetlejuice his very first bath - ( 👉👈 I wrote this one 😖)

Evolution by Cgetbrmj - The Last of Us (TV) - Little!Ellie and CG!Joel - Series that follows each episode of the show, and explores how these characters stumble upon age regression as a coping mechanism and how much they both realize they enjoy it. - (Slowburn agere, as it explores how it develops naturally between both characters. This one DOES contain some angst as it relates to the show, but overall is as fluffy as its setting allows)

Reader-Inserts:

The Doctor's Office by agerefandom (tazia101) - Twilight - Little!Reader and CG!Carlisle - Reader goes to their first check-up in their new town and unexpectedly regresses; thankfully, their doctor is more than understanding - (I can not emphasize enough how much I love this one. Hits all the right buttons, I'm so happy/thankful I found it before I had to establish care w/ a new doctor, it's just- so good)

Sugary Sweet by agerefandom (tazia101) - Twilight - Baby!Reader and CG!Alice and Jasper - A comfy, happy morning with your vampire caregivers - (be sure to check out the writer for more fandoms!! lots of agere fics, including gen and reader!insert!)

little life at the mansion by myworldoffanfiction - X-Men - Little!Reader and CG!X-Men (the main gang lol) - First chapter is a busy yet comfy morning while living at Xavier's Mansion. Second chapter is a fun Summer evening - (this one is sooooo sweet 😭)

Play Pretend by Vinnies_Comfort_Corner - Scream (1996) - Kiddo!Reader, Flip!Stu, and CG!Billy - You and Stu play pretend while waiting for Billy to come home - (if you enjoy this one, make sure you check out their other regression fics!!! there's even one with a petreg puppy!reader!! and other horror media!!)

Red Stained Fingers by CyberToddler - Scream (1996) - Little!Reader, CG!Stu, and CG!Billy - Unorthodox sensory play with diy-ed fake blood, lol - (I also wrote this one 😅 it's sugary sweet, I promise, lol)

#looked through my bookmarks and then realized two facts:#1) lots of the agere fics i like have lots of angst lmao #2)i forget to bookmark things #it's okay tho bc i just looked through my ao3 history 👍#toddler babbles #agere #fandom agere #agere recs #asks

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