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idridian · 4 months

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I would love to hear about your crime=queer reading of The Hoodlum Priest!

the simple answer is that it's exactly what it says on the tin: i watch the film and pretend like the way the ex-convicts - and, to some extent, father clark, as the only person who is willing to engage with them on their own terms - are treated is a metaphor for the way queer people were treated by society in that era. namely they're outcasts, denied work and housing and legal representation, treated with extreme prejudice, existing on the edges of society and othered by 'squares' (non-criminals). the entire plot centres around clark's attempts to carve a safe space for convicts in this world - the halfway house where they're among people who share their experiences and have an actual support network

(and like. obviously this film isn't actually doing queer subtext. it's very straightforward about its message re: crime and rehabilitation and death penalty and what have you. but it just so happens that all the struggles that the ex-convicts go through are ALSO things that apply to queer people)

then of course we have the main thing that makes me eat queer drywall about hoodlum priest, which is the entire dynamic of the relationship between father clark and billy. it's... a lot

pretty sure this was more a limitation of them not being allowed to have anybody say swearwords (bc it's the 1960s and they would have gone directly to movie jail for it), but i have to mention this because it made me do the most hilarious double take when i watched the film. so basically the criminals all talk kinda weird, and when billy and his friend pio first visit clark, he grills them about their (really bad and not well thought out) plan for a heist, to the point where billy gets pissed and runs off. at which point pio turns to clark and goes "you queered it. you queered it; what'd you do that for?" and listen, i KNOW they mean it in the sense of "you messed with him/annoyed him" but COME ONNNNNN

there's the obvious one, of course: "preach to me, daddy," billy says snarkily, with his shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest, while in a crowded elevator with clark standing directly behind him. what a normal and heterosexual thing to do

in turn, clark affectionately calls billy "little guy" throughout the film. it's kind of adorable right until the point where it becomes THE MOST HEARTWRENCHING THING IN THE UNIVERSE

"little guy" is a nickname he seems to use for all the young ex-convicts who come to him for help. as evidenced by the fact that he also calls pio that when he and billy first visit. and by this i mean that clark opens the door for them with his shirt partially unbuttoned, not in his Priest Outfit, and goes "heya, little guy~" in the MOST suggestive tone possible i stg. like the vibe of it is straight up that he thought pio was there for a quick dicking

after the aforementioned Preach To Me, Daddy incident, clark takes billy under his wing and helps him find proper work. the first step to this is taking billy clothes shopping and buying him a nice shirt. sugar daddy behaviour

also jsyk billy pulls his old shirt off to try on the new one in the middle of the store with clark right there and watching. again, a very normal and heterosexual thing to do. zero qualms about undressing in front of another man (side effect of two years in prison, perhaps. but also prisons are kind of notorious for homosexual activity, aren't they)

i'm not sure how to categorise the watermelon thing. it's very odd and whimsical. but i'm putting it up for consideration. fellas, is it gay to break open a watermelon on the fuckin pavement and eat it while crouching next to another man and you're both smiling like goofballs?

every single (antagonistic) character in this film spends a significant amount of their screentime side-eyeing the clark/billy situation SO incredibly hard. at the fundraising party for the halfway house, the reporter guy whose name i refuse to remember runs into billy and comments "ah, so you're the one father clark has on display today, huh?" (and then proceeds to write an article trying to ruin clark's reputation by insinuating really bad shit about him based on his association with the criminals he tries to help)

mario, the brother of the guy who owns the produce market billy gets a job at thanks to clark, calls him "priest boy" at one point. correction: multiple times, actually! again the implication that there's something to their relationship that others consider strange/suspicious. mario also just generally spends all of his screentime making billy's life difficult - he's the one who accuses billy of stealing stuff which leads to him getting fired and kickstarts the downward spiral the plot goes into

billy theoretically has a heterosexual love interest (a woman whose name i'm not sure we are ever told in the film, but who i think is called either helen or ellen if i remember imdb correctly), who could in fact provide him with an alibi for when the theft at the produce market happened because he says he was with her at the time. and then he... refuses to give her name and address when they want to confirm it with her. you can read this as him being cagey and defensive bc he doesn't trust 'squares' and just wants to be left alone. OR you can interpret it as him having been with someone else that night (and if they question helen/ellen, they'll figure that out)

the finale is incredibly sad and upsetting, yes. but also billy is almost entirely naked, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily and clark is constantly VERY, VERY CLOSE to and touching him

"father? too tight" - again, sad and upsetting and i am screaming & crying about it. still very horny when taken out of context though

(on that note btw, it's genuinely insane how much this film invites us to look at billy's body. he's constantly exerting himself, sweaty or in various states of undress. "on display", as the reporter guy would say)

anyway, that's the gist of the 'crime = queer' reading. thanks for coming to my ted talk

#ramblings o' mine #the hoodlum priest #ty for taking the obvious bait haha

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gayskogul · 6 months

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So I would like all your thoughts on Andrew's letter at the end of The Charioteer....

If this is your way of saying "I know you just stand on the sidelines and never join in our discussions bitch. pspspsps lets talk about andrew," know that it's gonna work. Let me preface this with 1) I'm illiterate hehe and 2) I didn't do the re-read this year, and the last (and first!) time I've read TC was aug 2022. So this is gonna be me noting stuff down as I re-read the passage now. There will inevitably be some context and earlier moments I'm forgetting, sorry bout that.

So the first thing I'm noticing is that when Laurie disguises his letter with his paper, Mary's been kind enough to tell us that it's right next to a list of downed planes and lost pilots. Thanks for setting the tone, Mary! Now I know how this is gonna sting lol. Next, I notice that by god does Andrew ramble! After his introductory bit where he's saying he's tried writing a couple of times and is moving to London, the words really tumble over each other. It feels very verbal to me; he really writes like he speaks, doesn't he? But I'm guessing that's because he's anxious to put such dangerous thoughts on paper. He's just decked a fella, become disillusioned in his beliefs abt pacifism etc., admitting he has romantic feelings for another man, and quite overtly at that. And then he's like "I thought you felt the same", and that it's all confusing to sift through that without Laurie there ("I found I couldn't see things so clearly when I was alone"). It's all so... raw and earnest, which is just so Andrew imo. That said, him only snapping after Bunny taunts him about Ralph and Laurie's relationship is low key very funny but yeah- he's probably had these home of sexual thoughts swimming around, then had them plucked out of his heat and then thrown back at him by (who he thinks is) his love interest's boyfriend. That must have been mortifying to hear aloud, and it must have sucked to realise that Bunny's taunt was true. These couple of lines, "But it taught me something. The thing you want to kill is really in yourself", is so heartbreaking idk.

Then he goes on to say "ok cool im gay. i guess. my pacifism is a lie. Maybe it always was? anyway im gonna go throw myself under the worst of the blitz, thanks for the kiss." To which I think... girl, same. (stream of consciousness tangent: laurie why do all your boyfriends keep trying to off themselves? Can someone go check up on charles????) And then he's ending his letter begging Laurie to deny his relationship with Ralph and my heart just fully breaks for him. I know I'm notoriously sympathetic to Andrew but imagine writing that kind of thing in a letter to somebody! Something I hadn't remembered is how assertive he is that there's nothing happening between Laurie and Ralph. "Will you please tell me yourself that there is nothing in what he said about you and him? Of course I know there isn't." Now that I read this back, I reckon it has the potential to come off as quite arrogant, depending on how one feels towards Andrew. But then he writes, "But somehow it has got a hold on me; I can't get it out of my mind", and I swing towards thinking that oh noooo, he's so not coping. The whole thing is just kinda painful to read through - but it's such a strong read!

Fig. 1. August 25, 2022. A second plane his hit the Quakenation towers.

I think why Andrew's ending sits with me like a sad, little icy splinter in my heart is because I just feel bad for the poor guy. He basically falls in love with a man, and then quite rapidly undergoes loads of realisations about that (and other beliefs about himself), and then has them violently blow up on him. Then he kinda... doesn't really get any closure? Not that we can see in the text, anyway. Like who knows if Laurie ever does write, even if it's just to follow Dave's (cold imo) advice of writing to him "when you feel he's needing it, not when you feel you must".

I'm not sure if this is just a madman's ravings at this point, clutching at straws for a reading but it boils down to me acknowledging how difficult it can be to come to terms with your queerness (and most of us have got it much easier, comparatively), and I know Laurie knows that, and could probably have helped Andrew out. Let him know he’s not alone, or whatever. I'm not saying he should have ended up with Andrew romantically—nor does he have any obligation to do anything, really—but he's been in that place mentally fairly recently and he's just seen that Dave's a bit weird about it. Considering that he'd felt so strongly about Andrew, it's a bit of a bummer that he just goes along with what Dave says and heads off. It's very sweet and poetic to leave him the copy of the Phaedrus, but girl... how well adjusted did that make the other two, lmao. Ultimately, that might keep Andrew out of trouble, but we know he can be quite stubborn and I reckon it'll probably not make it much easier for him in the long run. Dave and Laurie keep trying to be so protective of him that he doesn’t really get a chance to do anything!

#ramblings #if ur gonna break up with your twink situationship #do it in person!#dont just invite him to the sisterhood of the travelling phaedrus copy #do u think Dave was ever like “yeah i was totally nailing ur dad kiddo”

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gretasworld · 10 months

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Some fujoshis and sicktards keep saying Lyudmill was gay with Alucard judging from the way Lyudmill spoke to Alucard.They argue that Nocturne of Recollection is not fully canon therefore Mariacard cannot be canon.

Newsflash # Nocturne was released by Konami and it is canon. Its a sequel of SoTn. So is Mariacard.

Lets tell you something idiots. Lyudmill was a servant older to Alucard and loyal to Lisa for her help to his villagers. He had good terms with Lisa who he respected. Naturally, her little son would be seen from a place of respect and adoration by a servant. This is servant attitude. People who donot keep servants and butlers in their homes donot know the way servants are supposed to speak to their masters as subordinates. We keep servants in this part of the world, we know their mannerisms well.

Lyudmill was doing exactly that. He came to seek refuge in Deacula castle because his home village was destroyed and he had nobody to return to. He was upset with his mistress Lisa's death and saw that Lisa's son needed support. So from that stand point, he handled Alucard. He was indebted to Lisa for her help that led him to show his gratitude with servicing Alucard aftee Lisa's death.

Alucard is even suggested by Lyudmill to learn to weave garland for wooing girls just like he and fellas in his village used to. If this servant was gay for the dhamphir, he would not suggest making garlands for girls or steer Alucard in the direction of girls.

Lyudmill later on turns evil, looses faith in humanity and becomes a vampire. Alucard is presented with blood of Lyudmil by the incubus Marcus after 300 years of not seeing him. Marcus aims to try to bring out Alucard's vampiric side which Lisa shut out of her son carefully.

At the end of the story, when Lyudmill is dying, he says goodbye to Alucard with the words " see you in next life master ". Now this part, the shippers say, is gay/ bi. We say it is not at all gay/bi. Because when you are dying and you know it and you have people you know well, around you, you are bound to get sentimental. You are leaving. It was the case for Lyudmill too. His time was finished hence the last words " see you in next life ". These words is reflection of japanese religious and cultural beliefs of reincarnation. Shintos and Buddhists believe in seeing one another in the next life. Writers of Nocturne of Recollection wrote Lyudmill's lines from this standpoint. They ended his demise nicely instead of giving him a brash painful passing with gagging noise.

Now, when a friend or a known person of yours die infront of you, are you not going to be upset or sad due to the death of that person? Or are you going to party with cake? Alucard being sad after Lyudmill's tragic death was doing just that. He was greiving a known man's death. Very normal thing to do. Nothing sexual or romantic here. Just humaneness.

Fujoshis and gay shippers call this gesture of Alucard romantic greiving. They use the Aludmil to proove that the dhamphir is gay/bi even.in the canon. We say " boot your own faces " because these pro yaoi weirdos do not see simple interactions for what they are and twist and queerize anything and everything. The Aludmil horseshit doesnot exist except in your heads you sickos. Donot use this as a reference to support bloody woke netflixvania Alucard situation.. Because shortly after the moment of grieving Lyudmill, Alucard comes to walk with Maria onto a field of white flowers and he regrets not knowing how to make flowers to woo her. He recalls the moment Lyudmill suggested him to learn making flowers which he realizes much later, that he should have. Do you see the romantic feeling working for Lyudmill here? No. Why would Alucard be thinking of a girl and flower if he had romantic feelings for a servant? He would because he had no romance for Lyudmill thats why. As the dialogues of Alucard suggest, his focus was on the flowers, comparing the short life of humans with his own.eternal life, and Maria, not a servant. He then awkwardly opens up to Maria, proceeds to share his life story with her.

Say, even if the servant was gay for his master, this was never suggested to be same from the side of Alucard. Nowhere in Nocturne. In none of his dialogues.

Jealous yaoi shippers can go to hell. Maybe its time you change the way you view things and match stuff with reality a bit more.

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sailorsenshishitposter · 3 months

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2 Men 1 Tesla Coil

Warning. Highly cursed. Smut is towards the end mostly. Direct sequel to this but can be read as stand alone. https://www.tumblr.com/sailorsenshishitposter/741029367625482241/femboys-2-electric-boogaloo?source=share

It was decided then. Sundowner was going to learn what a power bottom was. The two men met up the following night. They decided to go to a hotel since Sam could still be heard sobbing throughout the building. "What is with that guy? He plays VR chat once and now suddenly everything is about him needing to cry to my heart will go on? Disgusting."

Monsoon finished rambling only to find Sundowner laying on the bed while eating a bag of Cheetos. "What are you doing?" The other man opened his jaw and ate the contents in one gulp. Burp "waiting for the movie to start." Monsoon frowned. "Its not another one of Sam's suggestions is it?"

"Course not! I asked the guy at the video store what all the gay fellas are watching and he suggested this one." Before the cyborg could even ponder about how a DVD rental chain was still open, the opening credits started. Sundowner then grabbed the man and forced him on to the bed, snuggling him. Well this was new.

Just as Monsoon had tried to hide his blushing cheeks the dialog could be heard. "Sometimes, I pull so hard, I rip the skin-" It was now ten minutes later. The television had been destroyed by a flying sai and one could hear loud screaming in Khmer. "FROM NOW ON YOU WILL READ THE CASE TO CHECK FOR 'STARRING STEVE RAMBO'!"

Sundown lowered his head in embarrassment. "Will do." He realized the best thing to do was to calm down. "Got any smokes?" Sundowner asked. "That depends. How do you feel about red phosphorus?" An hour later and the two men were higher than the length of the ending cutscenes of metal gear solid 4. "This reminds me of the time I took so much benadryl and was visited by the hat man. Good times were had, I tell ya what."

Monsoon had a higher tolerance to the smoke so he wasn't as severely affected. "Dude. What in the hell are you talking about?" He would give the other man a judging look if he had the eyes to do so. "Y'know. Hat man!" Monsoon had no idea what the man was talking about. "You've lost your mind..."

And with that Sundowner ran into the bathroom and locked himself in. The cyborg sighed. "Stop being such a baby! I already learned to stop crying by the time I was seven so stop being so dramatic!" More sniffling could be heard. "Ugh. If I say I'm sorry will you come out?" The crying stopped for a moment. "Maybe."

"How about this? I'll have the lab department create you that dog you love so much. What was his name? Handbanana?" The door then burst wide open. "YIPEE!" Sundowner jumped on the bed canon ball style and violent shaking could be felt through the whole building.

Monsoon then sat down next to him and patted the mans bald head. "You know what? I think I'm ready to know what a power bottom is!" The cyborg grinned. "Wonderful. Let's get started." Monsoon then went on in full detail about the meaning of a power bottom and every gay slang terminology one could think of.

"Wow. You find out something new every day, huh?" Monsoon grabbed a book out. "This is my favorite novel. Let's move on to the foreplay!" They ended up reading the selfish gene in its entirety. Sundowner didn't understand a word of it but he enjoyed hearing the other man moan when talking about memes.

"So how do we do this?" It was Sundowners first time with another man. "We use my electromagnetism to our advantage. You enter inside me and it will be like we've become a tesla coil." Sundowner was confused. "What's that?" Monsoon sighed. "Just shut up and get on with it already..." Sundowner was about to put it in when he remembered something important.

"Wait! What about protection?" Monsoon threw something towards him. "I've got it covered." It turns out that it was a condom made of tinfoil. "Alright! Three..., two...., one...." And blast off. Sundowner was trying to enjoy the feeling when he noticed something was off. "Monsoon? Babe ya okay?"

The cyborg started violent shaking. "NOT ENOUGH MEMORY IN STORAGE". Sundowner pulled out like a slip and slide. "THE HELL?" He went to make sure the other man was alright. "Sorry about that. I guess you're bigger than I assumed you would be. But don't worry, we just need to make more room." Monsoon then gave him two USB sticks. "This should give us more memory. Insert them right here." His chest plate moved to reveal two USB ports where his nipples should be.

Sundowner plugged them in and then twisted them like a key causing Monsoon to let out a loud hentai style moan. Sundowners penis than began to harden more than Armstrong's nanomachines. "Hot!" Then he rammed inside and shouted "IT'S MY HOLE! IT WAS MADE FOR ME!" Monsoon couldn't get enough. "C'mon, I can take it!"

Sundowner somehow went even deeper, causing Monsoon's eye socket wires to burst out and push off his mask. They were both close to finishing. Soon the Alabama man screamed "AND IT WILL CUM!" finally climaxing. This caused the other man to release, his snail like protrusions twisting into hearts.

As they both rested they soon heard a beep. "What's that?" Monsoon blushed. "My battery is low. You better hook me up to an outlet." Sundowner then carried the man bridal style all the way to the kitchen counter and placed him on top of it. "Hope this works..." He took out his phone charger and plugged it into the wall outlet. Then he saw the two USB nipples protruding. 'Well I gotta take those out I guess..."

Five minutes later and Monsoon was now charging. "This goes without saying but I think we're going to need to leave soon. I'm not paying for the damage we caused to our hotel room." Sundowner shushed him. "No need darlin'. I've got it covered." He then slammed down a large stack of cash. The cyborg zoomed in on what he was seeing. "Where did you obtain this?"

Sundowner grinned. "Why monopoly of course! I can't believe they just let you take it all!" Monsoon then stared into the ceiling, contemplating his life choices.

#mgrr #metal gear rising revengeance #mgr #shitpost #crack fic #crack ship #monsoon mgr #sundowner mgr #sundowner x monsoon #Monsoon x sundowner #cursed #Cursed smut #memes #Steve Rambo reference #me ruining juni ito #Reading Richard Dawkins as foreplay #USB storage in the nips #snail eyes #Sunsoon

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narrie · 1 year

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I also think that unironically why are you as a man standing next to another man 🤔

fellas is it gay to stand next to a man

#ask

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helpistolethesecharacters · 3 years

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Down By The Docks

Bucky Barnes x Male Reader

Word Count: 1810

This is inspired by another request, from an anon this time.

The idea is a '40's AU. I wasn't totally sure if that meant they wanted a story totally set in the 1940's or something that just didn't reference the war, or pretended the war wasn't on/our characters aren't involved in the war, so I just picked one.

Hope this is what you wanted anon!

-------------

Bucky Barnes was one of the best looking fellas Y/n had ever laid eyes on, of that he was sure. It was only his second day working down on the docks, but he was sure he could happily spend the rest of his life working this menial job if the view never changed.

He was always quick with a smile for a pretty dame or even, Y/n had noticed, a particularly handsome fella.

Y/n had thought for sure he had imagined seeing his 'impressing a pretty dame' smile aimed at the bloke who had delivered a sack of letters to the area they were working in.

He would have written it off as the heat getting to him if not for that very same smile being directed his way later that day while they were all sitting around eating their lunches.

None of the other's seemed to have picked up Bucky's brazen flirting with both genders, or maybe they just didn't care. That last one seemed pretty unlikely though.

Y/n just hiked up a brow at Bucky the second time he shot him that pretty smile. He had no idea what to do with that. It couldn't be helped that it was illegal to be that way, that was just the way of the world.

--------------

Y/n was sure that Bucky was trying to kill him.

He had shown up to work wearing his standard work wear. Just the worn whites and browns of clothes that had been washed too many times but that you couldn't afford to throw out yet.

It just wasn't fair that the day was particularly warm, so everyone had ended up stripped down to their pants. All those half naked male bodies glimmering with sweat, the noises they made unconsciously as they lifted boxes full of cargo and moved them to where they needed to go.

And right there, in the middle of it all, Bucky Barnes. Poor Y/n had ended up being sent home from being 'affected by the sun'. It wasn't his fault dammit, Bucky had been parading around looking good enough to eat. Y/n was ashamed to find himself literally walking into poles and walls in his preoccupation with the half naked Bucky.

----------

Y/n sighed in relief. Tonight was going to be blessedly free of one Bucky Barnes, perpetual thorn in his gay side.

He was going out to a bar. It was an open secret that this particular bar was a gay bar. The cops in that area were happy to turn a blind eye to it largely because several of them were known regulars there.

That didn't mean you could just go about talking about it, or anything that went on inside it while you weren't there.

It was still illegal after all.

Y/n leaned back into his booth and sighed happily. A nice drink, some eye candy that wouldn't beat the crap out of him just for giving them the eye, and a little dancing ought to make his worries just float away.

Y/n had been looking forward to this all week.

Damn Barnes to hell and back.

Y/n moved over to the bar to order himself something silly. He was feeling the need for some ridiculousness tonight.

He had just taken his first sip of his drink when he spotted him. There he was, standing by the bar just a little ways down from Y/n, seemingly ordering a drink.

Y/n tried valiantly to not spit his mouthful of booze all over the bar. He had paid good money for that drink and he would be damned if he wasted it.

It didn't work very well. Some of it ended up coming out of his nose, and as he hacked up the parts of it that went down the wrong pipe to choke him, the rest dribbled down his chin.

'Well, that was attractive,' Y/n thought drily.

"Oh gosh, are you alright? Here, let me help."

Y/n turned watering eyes on the man addressing him.

He was met with a short blond who looked like a stiff wind could knock him over if he wasn't careful.

He was holding out a handkerchief and looking unsure of himself.

Y/n went to reassure the stranger that he was fine, but some small remaining part of the drink that hadn't been attempting to kill him before chose that moment to do so. Instead of words, he could only hack and cough, trying to get the liquid out of his lungs.

Y/n felt a hand on his back moving in firm circles, trying to help. He looked back over at the man to find him at his side frowning as he rubbed at Y/n's back.

When Y/n could finally speak properly he took the handkerchief, which had once again been offered, to clean his face of tears and spit and snot.

'Who'd have thought that alcohol burned so badly going into a person's nose and lungs?' Y/n thought disgustedly.

When he had cleaned himself up properly and turned back to his savior he suddenly realised he had no idea how to make this situation any less awkward.

The other man apparently had no such reservations.

"I'm Steve by the way. That looked pretty painful. Are you okay now?"

He was so earnest, and it didn't look like he was laughing at Y/n at all, so he could only nod vaguely.

"Yeah, I was just surprised by something. I'm Y/n, just so you know."

Y/n paused, feeling every bit as awkward as he ever had.

"Um, after that bit of excitement, I think I'm gonna call it a night. Murderous drinks aside it was nice meeting you. Can I clean this and bring it back here some time for you Steve?"

Y/n held up the thoroughly soaked handkerchief, cringing internally.

"Oh, don't worry about it, but are you sure you don't want to stay for a little bit longer? I'm here with my friend, but he's never very good company when there's dancing and alcohol involved."

Y/n mulled it over for a second, before manners kicked in.

"Yeah, no worries. I could stay for a bit longer, if only to save you from a lonely evening."

Steve's smile was sweet, but Y/n also couldn't detect anything else behind it. It didn't seem like he was trying to hit on Y/n, just that he didn't want to spend the night alone while his 'friend' danced the night away.

Y/n followed behind Steve as he led him over to the booth that Y/n had originally been sitting in.

Y/n stopped still at the sight of who was sitting across from Steve. Bucky dang-it-all-to-heck Barnes.

At their approach, Bucky turned away from the two women sitting with him in the booth. His handsome face lit up when he registered who it was standing in front of him.

"Stevie, there you are. I was starting to think you ditched me earlier than ever, but look what you found. I should bring you here more often."

Steve just gave Bucky a blank look.

Y/n couldn't blame him. If his 'good friend' had taken him out for a night of fun, he wouldn't have appreciated him looking at other guys that way either. He wasn't exactly backward in letting people know he was interested from the sounds of it.

Y/n stood awkwardly by the booth, not really sure if he should still be there. He had followed Steve to keep him company, but if it were him in Steve's shoes right now, he'd want him to leave.

"Um, I think I should probably head off actually."

Steve turned back to Y/n looking confused.

"Oh, well if you're sure. You don't have to stay if you don't want to of course."

Y/n refused to acknowledge the fact that Bucky was honest to goodness pouting. Was there anything in this world that was fair?

"Well, at least let me walk you out."

There would be no arguing apparently, as Bucky was already out of his seat and herding Y/n to the door.

"It was nice meeting you!" Y/n barely managed to turn to yell to Steve as he was pulled away by the ever insistent Bucky.

Once they made it outside Bucky paused and turned to face Y/n.

"Hey."

Y/n turned to face him.

"Gotta say, I'm gettin' a bit confused here."

Y/n frowned but stayed silent.

"When we met at work I thought you were pretty cute, but you don't hit on people down by the docks if you wanna live to see the next sunrise, you know? But then you were always starin' an I thought, maybe you mighta been interested. Then that day you kept walkin' into things happened and I was pretty dang sure you were."

Y/n was blushing by now.

'Great so he did notice.'

"But then I see you here."

Bucky had moved closer and lowered his voice, speaking softer.

"An, no offense to Stevie, but he's not exactly every guys dream-boat. You know, I don't even think he knows this is a gay bar."

He broke off here to chuckle quietly. He was standing so close, he was practically pressing Y/n up against the wall of the bar.

"But then you're actin' all stand-offish. Like you can't even bare to look at me. So, what's a guy to think?"

Bucky seems to realise how this might be coming across and pulls away to give Y/n some room.

"Do I got a shot with you Y/n?"

Y/n had been floating somewhere dreamy with Bucky pressed up so close to him, but when he pulled away, reality came crashing down. How dare he ask questions like that when Steve was in there waiting for him to get back?

"You got some nerve Barnes. You can't just ask anyone out. Not when you got a fantastic guy like that waiting for you in there!"

"Fantastic guy? What-"

Y/n cut him off before he could sweet talk his way out of this.

"Steve! He's sweet, and kind and probably way too good for someone who flirts with everyone on the block!"

Bucky was laughing, which Y/n thought was way out of line.

"Wha, Y/n, Steve's just a friend. He don't even swing that way."

Y/n's face lit up with the brightest blush he had ever felt. He was sure he was going to actually self-combust before long.

"Oh."

"Yeah. So is that why you looked at me like that?"

He moved closer again, and when he spoke that damned silver tongue was back.

"I would never. When I'm with someone, they're the most important person in the world to me. Besides, how could I ever look my ma in the face again if I treated my partner like that?"

Y/n blushed fiercely.

"So whaddya say? Give me a shot?"

Y/n could only nod, face still a brilliant red.

#Bucky barnes x male reader #Bucky barnes #James barnes x male reader #james barnes #Male reader #marvel fanfiction

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motherflecker · 2 years

Text

an ep entirely about being proven right tbh so let's goooo

imagine getting your picture taken and the photographer just stops to stare daggers at the guy standing next to you. feeling it for those randos at the zine fair who had to stand next to phupha trying to talk to theo during the photoshoot.

saifa immediately showing that he is still the ONLY MAN YOU CAN TRUST after akk. telling phupha to chill and get his shit together. incredible. saifa, please do not disappoint me, my man.

this is the first time they've shown the actual intro credits in like weeks LMAO.......

another scene of akk getting his ass kicked by theo while trying to be the best boy. their argument hurt my heart bc it was an actual real fight this time. akk's defeatist attitude was painful to watch. i mean, it's understandable, he's been plagued by "i'm not good enough" thoughts for weeks now, of course they were going to bubble to surface and he was going to be tired of it. but theo is just as valid in not wanting to expect the worst of people but also knowing akk has a point. ugh, boys.

sad showering and sad window pining. incredible. iconic. 10/10. theo, how can you sleep with a stuffed version of akk every night for the past 10+ years and still think you're not in love with your best friend?? that fox pillow will forever haunt me.

akk chasing down theo's car and then passive aggressively like "you're dragging your bag strap" was painful to ME. THEY WERE HURTING ME, PERSONALLY. this whole sequence was just great, the like passive aggressive attitude towards each other undercut with the humor that burst the tension as it built. that kind of sums up akk and theo. they're terrible at being mad at each other. they can't sustain it!!!!! you know that's why they avoided each other too bc the moment they were around each other again it's like nothing happened. god, these fools.

phupha once again needs to stop. natee as well. natee getting his friend in on his schemes, smh. meanwhile the biggest thing happening for theo is watching akk play with a dog. one day the ambassadors will realize how little they rank on theo's hierarchy of needs. and akk will realize he's pretty essential to it. one day!

natee showing up with like, actual useful information, but then immediately doing the same thing phupha did to theo. come on, man. i wonder if the next few eps are just going to be slowly knocking the ambassadors down one by one. this ep was phupha, next ep will be natee. i'm seeing a pattern. everyone on earth called it with phupha copying the handwriting but i didn't expect to be shown the actual paper and a video of it.

phupha's tragic backstory being revealed and i'm just thinking about how last week i had the thought that if phupha just told theo why he needed his help, theo would've just helped him. and right away, theo was sympathetic but phupha clearly ruined all his chances by being a lying liar who lies. this guy! come on!

not enough akk and his sisters lately, but this scene was great. akk being surly and sulky and im having none of it. queen. akk (usually) has a high emotional intelligence and it all comes from im, lbr.

the boys reuniting! akk being a pain in the ass and swinging the food in front of theo's face. and then tying theo up?? fellas is it gay to tie up and feed your best friend in a way to apologize for the fight you had and get back to your usual dynamic??

also akk going "i'm here to take care of you" and theo looking like that's all he wanted in the world. the contrast between phupha earlier asking theo if he could take care of him and theo looking terrified. god, i'm a wreck.

btw natee just asking theo for stuff and theo just being struck with another person who is using him?? you know he was relieved to have akk back, who never asks him for anything ever.

i'm trying to have coherent commentary about the entirety of Enchante | Ep. 5 [4/4] but every single thing about this date just turned my brain into goo. it was incredibly aesthetic with heavy handed meaning. this is definitely the most their feelings have bubbled to the surface so far and it's incredible. theo talking about how in love his parents were and akk looking at him so lovelorn. akk describing the movie's plot and it just very clearly being similar to their own friendship and pining. the kiss dares. the way they still both chickened out at the end.

and then!! fucking akk going for it!! after the movie!! when they're so close and theo is against his shoulder!! THE WAY THEO WAS CLEARLY KISSING BACK AS IT FADED TO BLACK. then the preview for next week of theo pretending he didn't fucking kiss back, i'm going to strangle this kid.

next week seems like a lot of "we're going to focus on enchante so we don't talk about this kiss we had" and i'm ready for it. they're so close. they're going to date. we're going to have dates soon. maybe not next week but the week after? i'm so ready.

god i feel like i missed stuff but my feelings are just one large sobbing emoji bc akk and theo are in love

#enchante #enchante the series #akk x theo #akk itsara #theo asawa ekanan #squee chats #my god y'all this ep

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thiswasinevitableid · 3 years

Note

95. you just witnessed me kill a guy and I have a really, really good reason for it, please don’t call the cops

Sternclay as a super/vigilante au? sfw or nsfw, please!

Here you go! This is NSFW

Content note: this fic contains mentions of murder, serial killers, knives. Brief description of a porn scene with implied dub-con (you can skip from the part where Barclay sees the TV to the next section break). But I included lots of fluff to balance it out.

This is the best hook-up Barclays had in years. Mr. Tall, dark, and handsome has done nothing but compliment him all night, from the fit of his shirt down to his kissing skills. So now that he’s facedown on the bed in this guys brownstone wearing only his boxers, he’s so excited he can barely think.

“Almost ready” a shcck of blinds dropping, “I just need to grab one more thing. Then the fun can start.”

“Can’t wait.” He sighs, shuts his eyes as his date moves across the room. Then the movement stops.

“Who the fu-”

Horrible, sticky warmth spatters the side of his face. Startled, he opens his eyes in time to watch his date fall to the floor, dead. Behind him is a figure in dark clothes with a tactical mask covering his face and a gun with a silencer in his right hand. A figure who has just noticed Barclay is awake.

In five swift, purposeful steps he’s at the bed, and Barclay doesn’t know what to do, whether to bolt for the window or knock the gun away or beg or, or or-

“Are you alright, sir?” The voice coming from the mask is calm and businesslike.

“.........what do you think?” Is the reply his useless brain comes up with.

“You look like you’re in shock. Which is understandable.” A gloved hand touches his face, “shit, I’m sorry, I was hoping none of it would get on you. Here, hold still.” He rifles through a pocket while Barclay’s mind drifts further from his body. Why isn’t he just killing him now? Is this part of some sick game?

“Turn your face this way just a bit” the back of his hand nudges Barclay’s chin, “good, thank you. I’m going to get you cleaned up, once that’s done I need to ask you to stay here until I’m finished cleaning up the scene. And also to not call the authorities for help when I’m out of the room.”

“Why?” Nope, okay, that’s it, that’s the reply that gets him shot.

“For one, you’re not in any danger from me. You were in danger from the now-deceased Mr. Martin, which is why I killed him.”

“I, uh, h-how can you be sure?”

“Let me show you” he helps Barclay up, guides him to the body, “you don’t need to look at him, just at that.”

He’s pointing to the boning knife clutched in the man’s hand. Barclay’s guts turn to sour milk.

“M-maybe he picked that up when he saw you?”

The killer shakes his head, gently guides Barclay back to the bed and, after a moment of studying the nightstand, pulls out the bottom drawer. It contains two more knives, duck tape, pliers, and seven, severed human thumbs.

“Oh fuck. What the fuck, what the fuck?” He whispers as the man closes the drawer.

“Mr. Martin is the Bear Butcher. I doubt you’ve heard of him, because that’s the name the authorities use among themselves while insisting that there’s no need to warn the public about him. He’s killed seven men, all gay and all on the bigger side; you would have been number eight.”

“I’m gonna be sick” He tips forward, feels gloved hands catch him and easily half-drag him into what turns out to be the bathroom.

“Wait here and do what you need to. I’ll be done in fifteen minutes, less if I can manage it. And, um, you might want to keep your eyes closed.”

Barclay has no problem with that order, though when the killer (his hero?) moves the body into the tub he discovers both the reason for the warning and that he does indeed have more in his stomach to throw up.

After an eternity of iron and bleach in the air and bile on his tongue, he’s helped back into the bedroom. The man hands him his clothes, turning his back as he dresses. He’s changed too, though the mask remains.

“I, I didn’t bring my car.” Barclay says weakly, knowing he won’t have the energy to walk home and the thought of getting in a cab or rideshare sets his nerves screaming.

“I assumed, since he wouldn’t want it being abandoned to lead to someone calling you in missing. If you’re okay with it, I can give you a ride home.”

Barclay nods. The man ushers him out the front door, pausing at the threshold for a final sweep. Then he pulls off his mask. Black hair sticks up until he smooths it back in a practiced motion, and blue eyes regard Barclay gently from a handsome face.

“It’s the Altima, right on the corner.” He says, folding the mask and tucking it into his pocket. Barclay gives his address, sits stiffly in the passenger seat as a pop station plays from the speakers.

“Do you want to change the station?”

“No” Barclay inhales fine, but the exhale comes out shaky, “jesus, how are you so calm?”

“Because if I’m trying to help you stay calm, I need to model the behavior. And, um, this isn’t my first time doing this, in case that wasn’t obvious. I’ve never had a witness before, for all the usual reasons and I’d prefer not to traumatize someone. But he went off his pattern and picked you up tonight, and I was not about to let him claim another victim.”

“Thank you.” Barclay doesn’t know what else to say. His adrenaline brain suggests propositioning the man in gratitude because it’s not everyday a hot mystery man saves your life. But the rest of him is well aware that if anyone touched him right now he might scream.

“It’s my job. Or it’s supposed to be.”

His curiosity peeks out from where it’s been hiding behind his sense of self-preservation, “What’s your name? Or can you not tell me?”

“It’s Joseph.”

“Barclay.”

“I wish we’d met under better circumstances, Barclay. Oh, here we are.” He parks the car, engine still running, “do you want me to wait until you’re inside to go?”

It should feel safe; it’s his apartment, his home above Amnesty’s new location, Mama’s own little house just out in the backyard. But his hand can’t make the fucking door handle go.

“Would, uh, would you mind coming up with me? Just, just for a few minutes?”

The man raises his eyebrows, but nods. Soon he’s standing in Barclays little kitchen, hands folded politely behind his back while Barclay tries and fails to start tea.

“If you want to just point to where things are, I can do that for you. You should eat something too, if your stomach’s settled.”

Barclay declines at first, but when his stomach growls Joseph moves through the kitchen--making distracting small talk all the while--not stopping until he’s assembled a plate of crackers, cheese and apples.

“Ooh, you got the good stuff.” He steals a piece for himself while Barclay nibbles a Triscuit

“Kinda a cheese snob; comes with the job.”

They talk about food and food writing until his plate is clear, at which point Joseph suggests he get ready for bed. Without being asked, he stays by the door as Barclay finishes getting changed and brushing his teeth.

“I, uh, I’m not really sure how to, uh, end this night.”

Joseph cups his cheek, “Lock the doors behind me. You don’t need to worry about anything else; you don’t owe me a thing. You’re safe. That’s what matters.” He smiles at him for the last time and heads out into the early morning light.

----------------------------------

“Hey big fella, you’ll never guess who put in an order.” Mama clips up the slip from the table she’s working; Amnesty has been busy in the week since they opened here, so much so that she’s had to help with the crowds.

“Who?” Barclay flips the pancakes he’s watching, checks the bacons for tables 15 and 9.

“Your late night visitor.” Mama winks.

He turns, spots Joseph at the far end of the counter. He’s in a black suit, blue tie setting off his eyes, and his hair is fully slicked back. On his chest is a badge identifying him as working at the nearby FBI offices. He’s clearly as surprised to see Barclay as Barclay is to see him. He’s less surprised that Mama saw him leaving; she gets up early and her window faces his back stairs

“Hold on” Mama nudges him, “did he give you trouble? Because you look pretty off.”

“No, no, just, uh, didn’t expect to see him again.”

Joseph orders hash and poached eggs, and when Barclay sends the order out, he hands Dani a slice of cherry pie to go along with it. He peeks over his shoulder; Joseph is looking at the free dessert, smiling. Then he takes a bite and makes a face that’s borderline orgasmic. Barclay looks away before he drops a hot waffle on his foot.

Amnesty's restaurant closes at 3, and as Barclay is locking the front door, he notices Joseph waiting for him in an easily visible, well-lit spot.

“You know, I meant it when I said you didn’t owe me anything. Not even the most delicious pie I’ve ever eaten.”

“I give freebies now and then” Barclay smiles, “no rule that says I can’t give them to someone who did me a huge fucking favor. And, uh” he blushes, “glad you like the pie.”

“The whole meal was incredible. You’re a very talented cook. Would it be okay if I came back?” His expression is hopeful, almost nervous.

Barclay touches his shoulder, “Anytime.”

-------------------------------------

“So, uh, I’ve haven’t had a chance to ask but, uh, when you’re not working or chatting with me here, what do you do? For, like, fun?” Barclay leans across the counter as Joseph licks his form clean of meringue. Barclay’s gone through twelve different pie recipes in the last month just to see which ones the other man likes best.

“I read a lot, cultivate an extensive knowledge of old horror movies, try to make decent risotto in my apartment...oh, I play frisbee golf sometimes, I picked it up in college.”

“Any interest in seeing that new Godzilla movie? It looks terrible but in a fun way.”

“Oh yeah, I like what I’ve seen of the design they’re using for the kaiju.” He notices Barclays hand resting millimeters for his own. He runs his thumb along Barclays knuckles, “are you asking if I’ll go see it with you, big guy?”

“Uh huh.”

“I’d love to.”

---------------------------------------------

“Holy fuck babe, when you said you were running out to get breakfast I figured you meant, like, McMuffins.”

“Only the best for you, big guy. Consider it a thank you for making dinner last night.” Joseph finishes laying out the donuts from “Holes in One” next to the plate of bagels and lox from the only place that Joseph insists does them right.

Barclay wraps his arms around him, tickling his cheek with his beard, “you’re fucking amazing babe.”

Joseph kisses him, coffee flavored and light, “So are you. Still want to play chess later?”

“Uh huh. Winner gets to blow the loser?”

“I like those terms, Mr. Cobb.”

It’s been like this for the last three months; evenings at the movies or tangled up in bed, mornings in sleepy hazes on the couch or out the eat, days upon days of Joseph spoiling, servicing, and just generally loving the hell out of him.

There are also the nights or, more often, early mornings, when Joseph returns steeped in grim satisfaction. At first he avoided having Barclay over those nights or going to see him the next day. Lately, they’re together so much that it’s unavoidable that Barclay will see the lethal edge lingering in his gaze or rub knots from his shoulders that he knows were earned in some darkened room where horrors had been playing out for weeks, months, even years. He doesn’t shy away from it; he loves Joseph, and that means seeing him clearly, though sometimes what he sees sends chills across his skin. Chills that feel less and less like fear.

They’re out for a walk around the lake, trading bites of gelato, when a question tunnels it’s way to the front of Barclays mind. He waits until they’re sitting on a bench far from any prying ears to ask it.

“What made you decide to, uh, do what you do?”

His boyfriend studies him, then sighs, “A number of things. Fear was the first one; you said you don’t follow true crime, so I’m guessing you don’t know of the Janesville Strangler?”

“Nope.”

“He killed ten young women over the course of three years. He’s also my biological father. Michael Stern is my stepfather and, at my request, my adoptive one as well; my mom remarried as soon as she was sure my father couldn’t get out. He, he never turned any violence on me, but I suspect he used me as leverage with mom; she was a smart woman, I suspect she noticed something amiss but was frightened into keeping quiet. I was six when they locked him up, eight when she remarried. Mike is a gentle man, he did his best to raise me the same. But I, I never shook the fear that whatever drove my father to kill innocent people lurks somewhere in my genes.”

Barclay’s arm rests protectively across Joseph’s shoulders.

“I joined the FBI because I felt if I was able to turn whatever killer genes I have towards understanding serial murderers, I could use them to help others. Keep people safe. Ambition and skill moved me through the ranks quickly but” he sighs, “the more I rose, the more I saw how little was being done. How cases were mishandled, how if there was the slightest hint it was a cop or veteran doing the killing suddenly the case went cold, how a killer could pick off person after person and no one cared because the victims were the “wrong” kind of people. It came to a head two years ago; I’d poured all this energy into a case where the killer went after sex workers. He was prolific and obviously cruel, I fought tooth and nail for every resource I needed to track him. Officer Alex Brown was my main suspect, I was so close to getting a warrant to search his property and then they closed the case. Insisted the deaths were unrelated. I...I went up and searched on my own and” he looks at the sky, rests his head on Barclays arm, “lord almighty the things I found. I was right, I was right and I couldn’t do anything about it, he’d get to just go on preying on people and I couldn’t handle failing his future victims that way. I waited until he went on a hunting trip. Alone. Lots of things can happen to a man in the woods. And it’s hard to find evidence when his body just happens to fall near a coyote den.”

A little smile, one he tries to suppress, creeps up his cheeks, “I’ve never felt so powerful in my entire life. I decided I’d still try to play by the rules but that if I knew, for certain, someone was guilty and being shielded by either ignorance or malice, I’d solve the problem myself.” He looks at Barclay for the first time since he started his answer, face turning to shame, “I’m sorry, I, I should have given the short answer. I didn’t, I don’t want to upset you, or scare you but it’s hard not to given-”

“Joseph” Barclay carefully runs his fingers over black hair, “it’s not like I forgot how we met. I...I’m not under any misimpressions about what you’re capable of. I just wanted to know how you arrived at the solution you did. It’s, uh, it’s not what I’d choose for myself, not something I could do but, uh, I guess what I’m trying to say is that this isn’t going to push me away from you. And that it means a lot to me that you trust me enough to explain it.”

His boyfriend curls closer, “It means a lot to me, too.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Black gloves on his throat, weight on his chest and when he opens his eyes it’s Joseph above him, steel in his gaze and between his fingers. He’s in a muddled dream version of Bear Butcher’s apartment

“Hi, big guy.” The thin knife slices up Barclay’s pants, “let’s get you out of these.”

“Please, please I-”

“Shhhh” Joseph kisses him, “I removed the man who threatened you. But you’re so handsome laid out like this, a victim just waiting for someone to make you scream.”

“Babe, I-”

“That’s not my name right now. Call me..” the hand no longer has a knife, is running roughly up his cock instead, “call me…”

Barclay wakes up still humping the mattress as he cums. Blindly, he reaches for his phone to check the time. It’s the fifth dream like that in two weeks, and they always leave him so horny he tries to get it up and get off again if there’s time. No such luck today; he has to be up in ten minutes.

He tries not to think about it during work, just like he tries not to think about it the rest of the time. Especially in bed with Joseph, his attentive, indulgent Joseph who puts all his organizational skills and professional practice at giving orders into domming Barclay so sweetly he stays in subspace for hours.

He’s still very much not thinking about Joseph gagging him so his screams don’t wake the neighbors as he climbs the stairs to his boyfriends place. Dani was a sweetheart and took care of his orders for him, so he was able to leave work early.

The T.V is on, volume up loud enough that he can tell what his boyfriend is up to before he even walks into the room. He fully intends to tease him for not being able to wait until Barclay was there to jerk off before hauling him into the bedroom. But when he sees the screen, he freezes.

A man in what looks like a cheesy camp counselor uniform is tied to the bed, his shirt stuffed into his mouth as a make-shift gag. Straddling him is a man in a black jumpsuit, knife near his hand and cock buried in the counselors ass.

“That’s it sweetheart, wiggle and try’n get away; you ain’t gonna and it feels so fuckin good when you try. This is what you get for leaving the window open.”

The counselor shakes his head, fear so palpable Barclay barely notices the fact the boom mic is in the shot. The killer pulls the gag free.

“Please, please, don’t kill meAH, ohgod”

A dark laugh, “I’m not gonna kill you, sugar. Thought about it, but when am I gonna find an ass this good again? Nah, I’m gonna take you back with me, keep you strapped down because you’re the, fuck, cutest goddamn specimen I ever caught.”

On the couch, Joseph tenses, cumming in the sleeve he’s using with a cry at the same moment the killer on screen cums and bends to kiss his co-stars tear-streaked face.

Joseph hits the remote, causing the T.V to go dark and reveal Barclay’s reflection.

“Shit!” Joseph leaps up, making Barclay yelp in surprise, “oh, oh thank the lord it’s just you….oh god how much of that did you see?”

“Some?”

Joseph drops to the couch, head in hands, “shit. I’m, I’m so sorry Barclay, I, I never wanted you to know about this habit, I’m sorry it’s awful.” The voice between his fingers sounds like it might cry.

“I mean, that wasn’t like a snuff film, right?”

“Those aren’t real.”

He can’t help but smile remembering Joseph’s rant on the subject, “what I meant was: those guys are just actors getting paid to do a scene like that, not some actually getting attacked.”

“Of course not.” Joseph looks up, horrified, “I’d never watch something like that. The, the whole reason I like this company is that they do horror porn under very ethical working conditions.”

“Then why are you acting like I caught you pissing in my coffee?”

“Does the fact I get off to this honestly not bother you?”

“I mean, people get off to all sorts of shit. Like, um, like” he twists the bracelet on his wrist, “like their boyfriend tying them up and threatening to make them scream.”

Josephs eyes widen. Then he shakes his head, “No. No we can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I...I never, ever want to hurt you that way. Even in a scene. I can’t stand the thought of you being scared of me, of turning these impulses loose on you. It sounds fun until I picture it and then it makes me ill. No, this stays firmly in my head.”

“Okay.” He keeps his reply soft to hide his disappointment. Joseph is still on the couch, refusing to look his way, and so he circles it and kneels at his feet to better rub his arms. He thinks about the images on screen. About Joseph, blissed out then suddenly shame-faced. Joseph, two nights ago, calculated and loving as he worked Barclay over.

No, maybe the kind of scene he’s been picturing isn’t for them. But he can think of one that is.

“What if, uh, instead of giving into the desires that freak you out we kind of rechannel them. Like, instead of strapping me down to torment me, you’re doing it to show off?”

Blue eyes meet his for the first time all night, “Say more.”

--------------------------------------

“Ready?” Barclay bats his eyelashes at Joseph as his boyfriend finishes double checking the tightness of the rope he’s using to tie Barclays arms above his head.

“Ready.” Joseph stands, rolling his shoulders and closing his eyes as he takes deep breaths. Then he frowns, “can you start us off?”

“Sure thing, babe.” He nestles his head on the pillow, “okay, you found me tied up like this. What’s your first thought?”

Joseph opens his eyes, gaze sharp, “That I’m so lucky someone left a handsome specimen like you where I could find him.”

Barclays cock twitches at being referred to that way, “You’re not gonna let me go?”

“Not just yet. You’re so perfect, will you let me make a case for staying here with me?”

“Please” Barclay whimpers as Joseph straddles him, knife in hand.

“I’m very precise, for starters.” He cuts slowly up Barclays boxers until he can pull the strip of fabric off. Repeats the process, lips a firm line of concentration, with his undershirt, “see? There’s not even a scratch. I have to be careful not to damage my perfect specimen.”

Barclay groans, rolling his hips. Joseph smiles, shifting so his cock rubs against Joseph’s clothed crotch.

“Fuck, Joseph-”

“Shhhh” a gloved thumb brushes his lips, “When you’re like this, my name is Sir.”

“Ohfuck.” Barclay rubs his cheek pleadingly in his palm, “Sir, please, please, untie me so I can touch you.”

“Not yet.” Joseph pats his cheek, scoots backwards on the bed, “besides, you’ll have lots of time to touch me once I take you home and make you my sweet live-in plaything.”

“Holyfuckingshit.” Barclay fights off a dozen tantalizing images of what that could entail to focus on their plan, “Sir? What, uh, what was the guy who tied me up going to do to me?”

His boyfriend settles between his legs, “He was going to take you apart.” He lifts Barclay’s right leg, “starting with these, so if you got free you couldn’t run. This tendon first” he kisses the back of his knee, making Barclay giggle. He pauses, then decides on holding both legs up at once so he can repeat the kiss on the other side. His lips move slowly down to his ankles, right side and then the left, before a final one lands on his arch, “he was going to cut here too. But not me” the kisses continue, “I’m going to rub them every evening so you’re never sore.”

“Fuuuuck” He sighs as Joseph straddles him once more, leaning forward so he can kiss and fondle his arms.

“He was going to slice alllll along here” Joseph’s breathing is picking up the longer he lavishes Barclay with kisses, “then he was going to take your fingers one by one” Joseph kisses each knuckle in turn, his free hand petting Barclay’s face and hair, “then he was going to commit a cardinal sin by mangling these” Joseph toys with his pecks, sucks happily on his left nipple for a moment, “what a crime that would have been.”

“Sir” it’s a whine as Joseph nips and kisses his way down to his navel.

He raises slightly, mouth just above Barclays cock, “and because he had no imagination, he was going to cut this wonderful appendage off. Which is not the treatment it deserves.”

“What treatment does it deserve SirrrrrOHfuck, fuckyes” Barclay pants as Joseph licks stripe after stripe up his cock. As Joseph licks and sucks him to a hard-on, he feels the plug slip from his ass.

“I don’t know what his plans were for that” Joseph sits up, undoing his pants and pulling out his cock, “but I know what mine are.” He pushes Barclays legs wide, works his cock in with slow, steady thrusts while Barclay tries to remember how words work.

“Shit, yes, god your ass is amazing, what kind of person sees it and thinks its for anything but fucking?”

“Nngh” Barclay clings to the ropes as Joseph’s thrusts quicken.

“Lord, I thought you were a perfect specimen before but I was wrong, you look even better taking my cock.”

“Fuck, fuck that’s hot.”

Joseph grip his thighs tight enough to hurt, “well, big guy, will you stay with me?” His eyes glitter, his hair is coming loose and falling across his forehead.

“YesAH, yes, ohfucksirright there” He didn’t notice Joseph changing the angle of thrusts until his cock found his prostate, “I’ll be so good Sir, wanna be a good boy for you.”

“Oh good.” Joseph’s smile goes wolfish for an instant, “because I would have had to do some very mean things to persuade you if you refused.”

Barclay cums at that, staining Joseph’s shirt with white. His hands knock against the headboard as Joseph fucks him hard enough to make him sob with oversensitive pleasure.

“You’re going to be such a nice plaything for Sir, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Good boyOH, ohshit, shit.” Joseph pulls out halfway through cumming, spattering it on Barclays thighs and balls. Carefully, he lowers his legs. Then his boyfriend collapses into his arms, panting and giddy.

“That, that was so fun. I’d say who knew but every time we fuck you show me just how fucking fun all this can be.”

“Aw, babe.” He goes to hug him and rediscovers the ropes.

“Ohshit, here” Joseph sets to work undoing his knots, “are your wrists okay? Not too sore? How about your shoulders?”

“They all feel fucking great, baby. I feel great. How could I not? I got you looking after me.”

Joseph smiles, “and out for you.”

“That too. Now c’mere, special agent, your next assignment is cuddling your boyfriend.”

#sternclay #agent stern/ barclay #meet ugy #taz amnesty

18 notes · View notes

needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas · 3 years

Note

Can we get Sooga (and maybe Kohga) babysitting lil Tulin????

GET READY TO SEE THE GAYS BECOME DILFS, BITCHES.

“We came as soon as we saw your message.”

“Yeah, it was urgent! Where’s the fire?”

Teba turned as he saw Sooga and Kohga dash on into his home. He nodded at them.

“Yeah. Sorry. Was gonna ask Mipha, but she’s with her boy toy. Figured I’d trust you two instead.”

Teba took a step to the side, showing his son, Tulin, who was currently sitting on the floor, writing in his journal. Kohga cocked his head to the side, before shrugging.

“What? You want me to tell him to beat it? He a freeloader or what?”

“No. I need you two to chicksit for me. I’m taking Saki out, and I need someone to watch Tulin.”

Saki walked in just in time, adjusting her feathers.

“Teba, are you ready dear?”

“I’m ready, so long as these two are. So, how about it you two?”

Kohga was about to say ‘fuck no’, when he saw that look in Sooga’s eyes. He WANTED to do this, because he was a moron. Ugh. He sighed, before nodding.

“Fine. You two go and have fun, we got the little guy.”

Saki clapped her hands together, before leaning down to kiss Tulin’s head.

“Be good for Kohga and Sooga, my little nugget.”

“But not TOO good, kiddo.”

Teba patted his head, and Saki chuckled at the sight. She turned to the two yigas.

“Now, Tulin is supposed to be in bed by nine. No playing with Kass’s girls, as they’re supposed to be in bed, and they get into all kinds of mischief. That’s about it! Have fun you three, stay safe!”

Teba held his arm out for his lady, who giggled as she accepted it. Once they left, Sooga turned to Kohga.

“You didn’t want to do this. Why did you say yes?”

“Because YOU wanted to. And don’t look at me like that, you idiot.”

“I love you so much.”

“Tell someone who cares, moron.”

“You guys are weird.”

They both turned to look at Tulin, who was looking at them oddly. Kohga motioned to him.

“So...the fuck do we do with his white lookin’ ass?”

“Stop swearing, for one. It’s not good that he gets a pottymouth so early on. Two, we should properly introduce ourselves.”

Sooga walked over to him, kneeling down as he held out his hand.

“It is nice to meet you, Tulin. My name is Sooga, and that’s Kohga. How are you?”

Tulin put his book down, in order to stand up, and shake his hand properly.

“Hello! And good day!”

“What manners! And a good day to you too, little one.”

“My dad said good kids make good greeters!”

“God that’s a weird saying.”

Kohga sighed as he walked over to Teba’s hammock, before jumping into it, and getting himself nice and comfy. So comfy, he fell right to sleep. Sooga softly sighed. He loved his husband, very, very much.

“So. We have three hours until your bedtime, what would you like to-oh. You’re practicing your penmanship?”

Sooga looked over to the notebook on the floor, and Tulin nodded.

“Yep! Kheel has really pretty handwriting, I want mine to look good too! I wanna surprise her!”

“Huh. Why, if I didn’t know little one, I’d say that’s rather romantic.”

Tulin’s blush shone through his feathers, and he shook his head.

“N-no. She’s my friend, that’s it.”

“Uh huh, I see, I see,”

Sooga sat down next to Tulin, looking at the notebook.

“Regardless, I’d love to give you feedback. My father practiced calligraphy, I think I have a proper position on the matter.”

Tulin handed him his notebook, and Sooga skimmed through the pages. He nodded in approval.

“This is very nice! Have you shown your father?”

“No, just mom.”

“Why is that?”

Tulin shrugged, reaching up to grab his book again.

“It’s just a mom thing. Flight range and arrows are for me and dad, writing is for me and mom.”

Sooga nodded. Such a sweet, talented little boy.

“You have a good bond with your mother, little one.”

“Dad calls her a ‘worrybeak’, but yeah, I love my mom. Are you close with yours?”

Sooga froze. For a moment, he recalled her. Recalled her hair, her eyes, her smile. Her tears, her screams, her pain. His father holding onto her hand, his father scolding him for choosing to leave, using his mother’s name like a curse. A curse that cut into his hide like a-

“Yoohoo? Mr.Sooga?”

He suddenly snapped back into reality as Tulin waved his wing in front of his face. He cleared his throat, shaking his head.

“We...were. But she is no longer here.”

“Oh. I’m super sorry. What about your dad?”

“My father...wanted me to leave the nest, so to speak. But it’s fine. I’m loved enough.”

Tulin followed his gaze to Kohga, who gave his ass a good scratch. Tulin snickered, and Sooga couldn’t resist a small chuckle as well. Tulin put his book away, In order to look at his blades. The little rito was clearly very interested.

“Did he give you those swords?”

“No. Master Kohga did. Have you ever wielded a weapon before?”

“A bow and arrow, but never something cool like swords!”

Sooga thought about it for a moment. This child DID seem rather mature, despite his small size. Not to mention bows were just awful for up close combat. Against his better judgement, he decided to give the little one a gift.

“Would you like a present, Tulin?”

“YES! Please!”

Oh the way his little eyes shone in excitement. He pulled out something from his back, and placed it right into Tulin’s awaiting wings. A Vicious Sickle. Tulin looked it over in his hands, clearly in awe. Sooga chuckled, lightly patting his little bird head.

“It’s a light, easy to use weapon, with enough practice. It’s a wonderful starter weapon, and it never hurts to have extra protection. You will soon be the man of the house, you must learn to defend what is yours.”

“Woah! SO cool!”

Tulin was so excited, he started waving the damn thing around like a madlad. Even someone as calm as Sooga felt slightly panicked; for the only thing more dangerous than a blade, was an inexperienced hand. He grabbed onto Tulin’s hand, barely keeping himself from being cut.

“It IS cool. But what’s cooler is knowing how to use it. Would you like to learn?”

“Yes!! Please teach me! Please please please!”

“Very well. I should hope to be a good teacher to an eager student.”

Sooga held onto his hand, showing him the proper way to hold it; tightly, with the blade angled for a downward motion.

“Okay, I think I got it. Like this?”

“Perfect. Now, it’s a limber weapon, so if you need to move it in your hand, feel free to do so. Just be careful, it’s very easy to cut yourself. Now, let’s try to get a feel for it, shall we?”

Sooga stood up, and brandished one of his swords. He gave Tulin a moment to get his stance ready, before he let Tulin come at him. Course, he was very easy to block, but the point was so Tulin could feel comfortable holding it.

“Good, good. Side to side motions, just as you are.”

“It’s...kinda heavy, my arms hurt.”

“Suppose for your size, it’s not as limber as it is intended to be. Do your arms really hurt, or can you keep trying?”

“I...can keep trying, I think.”

“Good, a true fighter keeps going. Swing at me again.”

He noticed Tulin had to use almost both his hands as he swung. Poor thing was struggling. Light as his weapons were, Tulin was small. Determined, but very tiny. Still, he did rather well, all things considered. He blocked another blow rather easily.

“You aren’t uncomfortable around weapons. Good.”

“It’s usually bows, but training with my dad is a LOT like this.”

“Good of your father, teaching you to be comfortable with such a vital tool.”

He was about to do a mock swing, just to see if Tulin could dodge, when he saw Tulin was already weary, panting and even sweating a little. For living in a peaceful village, and armed with a bow and arrow, this WAS a lot of practice, especially from someone who was essentially a stranger. Sooga put his weapon away, and knelt down to Tulin.

“Why don’t we take a break? A weapon is useless without a body.”

“Okay...can we eat? I’m hungry.”

Sooga nodded, letting Tulin take the weapon, and sneak it into his own hammock. Tulin helped him find the cooking pot, and in a moment, Sooga had a fire going, and a few ingredients to throw inside.

“So, what are we hungry for?”

“I dunno, what can you make?”

“I suppose I can make poultry curry.”

“Oh! Yes! Do that one!”

Sooga nodded. He had no issues cooking the rice, and the chicken appropriately, and as soon as it was done, he handed a bowl to Tulin. Tulin dug into it hungrily, before slowly ceasing his eating. Sooga cocked his head down as the child stared at the bowl.

“What’s the matter?”

“I don’t like how it tastes. Super bland. I don’t wanna eat it.”

“God fucking dammit, Sooga, I can smell your shit cooking in my dreams.”

They both turned to look at Kohga, who had just woken up. He got out of the hammock, and walked over to the pot, taking the soup ladle to help himself to a taste. He then used it to smack Sooga on the back of his head.

“You. Cannot cook. I’d rather eat wet sand, at least THAT has salt.”

“I thought I was cooking it right-”

“Yeah right to hell. Fuck shit, move. What even is this?”

“Poultry curry.”

Kohga looked at him as if he had just gone insane.

“You’re...feeding chicken...to a baby chicken. That’s fucked up, Sooga.”

He was about to bitch at him some more, when Tulin nudged the bowl against Sooga. Kohga turned to look at him, and the little one was whimpering.

“Please fix it, I’m really hungry.”

“For the love of- fine. But only because I hate it when Sooga cooks.”

And Kohga did not disappoint. Not only did he fix Sooga’s awful poultry curry, he made the tastiest, sweetest egg pudding Tulin had ever tasted. The little one had two helpings of each, burping as soon as he was done. Kohga chuckled as he saw just how content the little guy was.

“Look at you, hungry fella. You need anything else, kid?”

“Uh huh. Can I please have some warm milk?”

“Sure, sure. I’ll make it just how my mom made mine.”

Tulin peered over as Kohga not only poured milk onto the pot, but cane sugar, courser bee honey, and even ground up some Chickaloo Tree Nuts. It made for a sweet, fragrant drink that Tulin accepted gleefully. He took one sip, and started kicking his little legs around wildly.

“This is SOOO good! This is WAY better than when mom makes it! Your mom is super cool!”

“She really was, she really was. Glad you like it, kiddo. Your turn, Sooga.”

Sooga didn’t LOVE sweets, but who was he to refuse such a treat from his Master? He accepted his own cup, took a sip, and found himself recalling...the good times. The times where he stood with his mother as they sipped tea, the times where she would get rid of his dirty, wet clothes, in order to get him warm and dry again. There was...only good in this drink, honestly. Sooga nodded, trying not to dwell so much on what was.

“I agree with Tulin. This is excellent. I’m surprised I’m just now trying it.”

“Eh, I only make it if I really need to go to bed. I usually make them with banana cookies-”

“Can you make those next time, please?!”

Tulin was practically giddy at the notion of more treats, and Kohga found it amusing. He patted Tulin’s head, nodding.

“Sure. Next time I’ll bring some over, just for you kid.”

“You’re SO cool!”

“I mean, I know that, but thank you.”

Kohga chuckled. He helped himself to his own drink, sighing in content. A nice, cold night, warmed by a nice fire, and some warm drinks. What more could one want? Sooga chuckled to himself, realizing he had downed nearly half of his cup. No wonder he was feeling so calm, so still.

“Thank you. I don’t think I’d know how to handle a hungry child who didn’t like my food.”

“That's why I’M the cook between us. Your food is so bland. I had half a mind to-”

He went silent, and Sooga saw why. Tulin had finished his drink, and had passed out, right into Kohga’s lap. Kohga struggled, clearly not knowing how to handle this, before groaning, and just patting the bird’s back, lulling him further into sleep. Sooga sat there for a moment, watching them. Kohga didn’t want children, but...they did like him. Found enough comfort in him to fall asleep on him, to cherish the plentiful meals he made them. Sooga even turned to look at his face, and caught him smiling oh so fondly at the little bird. Kohga seemed to catch his grin, and huffed.

“Hell you looking at?”

“I’m just. Seeing how wonderful you are with Tulin...and it really, really makes me realize; you’d make a wonderful, wonderful parent. You act so standoffish, but you...truly love taking care of children and-”

“God don’t you start that shit with me, Sooga.”

“I’m just saying! Family life might be for you! How do you know, you’ve never tried it!”

“Shut the hell up, you absolute fucking idiot.”

Sooga stopped for a moment as Kohga leaned into him, still keeping his hand on Tulin. Sooga looked down at these two, and was confident, more than ever, that he wanted a family. This feeling, that he was feeling right now, was something he desperately, terribly wanted. He wrapped his arm around Kohga, letting the dancing fire illuminate his features. He kissed the top of his head, softly sighing.

“I...love you. I love you so terribly much.”

------------------------------

“Sooga! Kohga! We’re ba-oh!”

Saki immediately silenced herself as she saw the little cuddle train that was happening here. Teba walked in behind her, chuckling at the sight. He nodded towards Sooga, who was too busy protecting them to sleep.

“Teba, Saki. How was your date?”

“Oh it was lovely, we went out to eat and everything. Quite sweet, honestly. Here, let me put him into bed, I’d hate for him to get a cramp, laying on the floor like that.”

Sooga, despite how it hurt his heart, let Saki take Tulin, and put him into his own little bed. Suppose that was his cue. He got up, carrying a sleeping Kohga in his arms. Teba nodded at him.

“Thanks for watching him. Hope he wasn’t too much for you two.”

“Not at all. You have a very wonderful, and very honest boy. You should be proud.”

“I am, I am, honestly. Especially if he made an impression on you.”

“I...hope this isn’t too much, but may we stay? I just, really wanted to-”

“What is this?”

They both turned to look at Saki, who was holding the vicious sickle in her hand. Teba winced, before shaking his head.

“yeah...I think staying is a really bad idea.”

Sooga looked at Saki, and shrugged.

“In my defense, he was excited to receive a present.”

So Sooga and Kohga weren’t ready to be dads.

Just yet, anyway.

#asks #teba #saki #tulin #kohga #sooga #listen #sooga wants to be a dad SO badly PLEASE for the love of god #and yes #tulin somehow got to keep it #dont ask me how

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mystewion · 3 years

Note

are gay people real

in short:

South Park Elementary School Cafeteria, day. The kids are seated for lunch. At the center table are Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Token, Clyde and Craig. Cartman runs in from the hallwayCartmanFELLAS! Fellas!StanWhat?CartmanYou'll never guess what happened. Butters just beat up Scott Malkinson!KyleButters? [He and Stan look puzzled] Why?CartmanIt was crazy! Scott was just talking about how he needed to take his insulin shot, and out of nowhere Butters said he's sick of people with diabetes feeling sorry for themselves. Scott told Butters to shut up and Butters just started whaling on him!StanYou're talking about Butters.CartmanDude, I'm telling you! Butters beat the crap out of Scott, and then he locked himself in the bathroom! [The other boys get concerned and leave their tables to go to the restroom]The restroom around the corner from the cafeteria. Jimmy has joined the boys. Stan bangs on the doorStanButters?ButtersLeave me alone!StanButters, come out here.ButtersGet out of here, all of ya! [Stan turns to the other boys and shrugs]KyleButters, people can't just go around beating up people who have diabetes! Now whatever your problem is, you just-Butters[Runs out of the restroom up to Kyle and points at him] You just think you know everything, don't you Kyle?! Every little thing you gotta shoot your mouth off like you're the frickin' expert! Well you don't know everything because [walks to Stan and points him out] your best friend is a kid who thinks the entire planet revolves around him and he only cares about HIS image! [runs back inside the boys room, then turns around and runs to Cartman] You guys think Cartman is the only selfish piece of crap in this school? You're all fake and stuck up [moves over to Jimmy], and none of you have the courage to tell Jimmy that his jokes aren't funny! [moves over to Kenny] The only kid here with any sense of dignity is Kenny, and the rest of you have your heads up your butts! [Runs back into the restroom and locks himself in. The other boys are stunned and silent]CartmanWell. Apparently Kenny is Butters' best friend. You guys gonna make out, Kenny? [Kenny flashes an angry look]Butters[Runs out of the restroom again and storms up to Cartman] And that's another thing! You're always trivializing everything I say by gettin' the last word! [Cartman looks stunned]Well you're not gettin' the last word this time! [Runs back into the boys restroom and locks himself in]Cartman...Wow.Butters[Opens the door and peeks out] Double wow! [Closes the door and locks it]The principal's office, Day. Principal Victoria is talking to Butters and his parents.Principal VictoriaI'm sorry, but your son is distracting the other students and his attitude is just getting worse.StephenButters, what on earth has gotten into you?!Butters[In a gruff voice] I don't know, Dad, ah I was just pissed off, I guess!LindaDo you think this behavior is fair to your teacher and classmates?!ButtersI don't suppose it is, but I don't give a darn!StephenDo you have any idea how grounded you are about to be, mister?!ButtersWhy don't you shut up, Dad, and stick it in your ear, for cryin' out loud! [Both parents look taken aback as a moment of silence follows]Linda[looks at Stephen] Stephen, are you thinking what I'm thinking?StephenYes. Our little Butters is flowering. He has reached the age of panua.Principal VictoriaEh-excuse me?StephenPrincipal Victoria, this isn't Butters' fault.ButtersIt's not?!StephenIt has to do with... biology. [turns right and walks off a bit] You've... maybe noticed that Butters isn't... exactly like other kids.ButtersYeah?StephenYou probably think Butters seems somehow... different.Butters[normal voice] Hey yeah, all the time.StephenIt's because he is. [Turns around and faces Principal Victoria] His mother and I... his whole family were... we're not of this place.Principal VictoriaAh I'm sorry, I really don't understand.StephenPlease, just try to understand that for our people it's a very private matter. He can't be helped by your discipline; this must be dealt with by his own kind. If it's all right with you, we'd like an extended leave for our boy. Please. It's a cultural thing.The Stotch house, day. Stephen and Linda argue as Butters sits on the couchLindaI don't want him to go, Stephen, he's too young!StephenIt's our people's way, Linda, you know that better than I do!LindaThen we can go with him.StephenYou know that's not allowed!ButtersWill somebody tell me what the frickity fookshmere is goin' on?!StephenButters, you've reached the age where you must journey to your birthplace for the ceremony of hapa noa.ButtersUhbu-but I'm from here.StephenNo. We moved here just before you started pre-school. You were born in our native land, Butters. [Walks to a bookshelf and grabs a scrapbook] A distant and very secluded island world called... Hava'i.ButtersWe're from Hawaii?Stephen[Sits on the sofa next to Butters. Linda sits to his left] Only haoles pronounce it Hawaii, Butters, but those of us from Hava'i are a very special people. We have many customs and traditions to keep our culture alive. [Opens the book and points some pictures out to him] We drink chi-chi's from the coconut. We eat poke that the Safeway provides. And when we've chosen a mate, we marry at the fern grotto, as your mother and I did so... very long ago. As a Stotch, Butters, you are actually Hawaiian royalty. Your grandma and grandpa were there at the time of the King. [Flips backwards a few pages and shows him a picture of Elvis Presley playing a ukulele with a picture of Diamondhead in the background.]ButtersBut what does being Hawaiian have to do with me acting like an emo chick on her period?StephenNot an emo chick on her period, Butters. Like a salmon needing to swim back upriver. All Hawaiians feel it. It is called "hapahui apahoha", and it means it's now your time to make your trip to our island home. You must do your walkabout to your homeland, Butters. And you must do it alone. [Linda stands up and starts crying. Stephen stands up and takes out his wallet] Take this, son. It is our Mahalo Rewards card. It will provide you with all you need. And now I must turn my back on you. [He turns his back to Butters. Linda weeps silently. Butters is speechless]The neighborhood park, day. The boys from the table are playing basketball, and Jimmy joins in. Kenny tosses the basketball at Kyle, who makes a shot, and Cartman runs up to them from the sidewalk. Stan catches the ballCartmanHoly shit balls! Holy shit balls! Guess what, you guys? Holy shit balls. [The other boys gather around him]KyleWhat?CartmanButters just got on a bus with his backpack and said he's going to Hawaii.StanHawaii?CartmanHe said he had to go back to his homeland, and then told me it was none of my business and to keep my fat mouth shut.KyleDude, what the hell? Somebody's gotta stop him.Stan[Turns to the basket] After all the things he said to us, he can go ahead. [Makes a shot at close range]KyleKenny, you're clearly his best friend. Go stop him.Kenny(I'm not his best friend.)CartmanYeah, Mr. Perfect, go rescue Butters so he can lick your balls some more. [Kenny sighs and walks away with his head down.]The airport, day. Kenny arrives and walks into the Alpha Air terminal. He sees Butters seated on a seat in an empty row, with two suitcases at his feet. He's sobbing. Kenny walks overKenny(Butters, come on.)ButtersThey won't let me on the plane. Why, I can't do anything right! [Kenny takes one suitcase and Butters' right hand, Butters takes the other suitcase, and they walk. Suddenly Butters stops and pulls his hand away] No, no! I have to go to Hawaii, Kenny! I have no idea what's waiting there for me, but I guh, I can't go on like this! [Kenny sighs, then takes Butters to the teller]Kenny(Excuse me, he needs to go to Hawaii.)TellerI already told him, I can't allow anyone on the aircraft who appears to be intoxicated.ButtersI'm not intoxicated, you skank! I'm just "deligerent" because of my hapanuanalua!Kenny(Please, could you just let him on the plane? It's really important. Please?)TellerTell you what: there's plenty of points on his Mahalo Rewards card. If you wanna fly with him, I can let him go.Kenny(Me?)ButtersCan't you see I'm in horrible pain?! Do you have any idea what-?!Kenny[Puts his hand over Butters mouth to shut him up] (Okay, okay! I'll go.) [Scene cuts to the plane flying towards Hawaii]Lihu'e Airport, Kaua'i, Runway B-5. The plane lands and Butters and Kenny enter the terminal. Butters has picked up his bagsButters[Slowly, as he looks around] Well, we're here, now what do I do? [Kenny points to the information officer nearby, and they walk to him]OfficerCan I help you with anything?ButtersUh yeah, I uh, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go?OfficerOkay, were you with a cruise ship or land tour group?ButtersOh, ah, I'm not a tourist. I'm a native Hawaiian. [The officer just looks at him. A group of Americans approaches him]Blond ManButters Stotch?ButtersYeah?Blond ManWelcome home, young keiki. Your parents said you would be coming for your ceremony. [Notices Kenny] Ah- uh, who's this?ButtersOh thi-this is my friend, Kenny.Older WomanButters, native Hawaiians don't really approve of haoles coming to their ceremonies.ButtersOh please, i-if it weren't for him I couldn't have come.Blond ManVery well, we shall speak with the chief of our island and see. Come now. [Everyone leaves]En route to the chief, day. They go down the road, all packed into an SUV.ButtersYou folks are all native Hawaiians too?Older Man[Driving] Yes. My wife Patty and I have been coming to Kaua'i for almost five years, and Bill and Donna actually own a time share in Poipu.DonnaYes, but Poipu is getting pretty overrun with tourists, I'm afraid.Blond Man[Leans to the right, behind the older man] Let us eat.Older ManOh yea, let us eat. [They stop at Kuwahara Saimin's drive-through] Aloha, five order of saimin, please.ButtersWhat's "saimin"?PattyIt's one of the foods of our people.Older ManOh, I get 20% off, I'm a native. Here's my Mahalo Rewards card. [The cashier notes the card and takes the cash, the older man takes the food, and they're off.] Mahalo. [They soon find themselves behind a slow car with the passenger taking pictures of the scenery. The older man honks.] Come on, you frickin' tourist! Jesus, buy a post card! [Stops and points out a building] These are the ancient ruins of our ancestors. [It's the Coco Palms, long abandoned.] They say the spirit of the king is still in there.Blond ManYou must stay away from this place. It is kapu.Brunet ManKapu. that means "taboo", [points to Kenny] especially to haoles! [they drive off]Older ManUh that there is Bubba's Burgers. [Scene shows Bubba's Burgers] In Havai'i us natives say "Bubba's Bruk". [they pass by a big hotel] Here's the Sheraton, just another megahotel for the throngs of tourists. Here's where many of us natives live. The Sheraton Residences. [A gated community is shown. The Older Man flashes his Mahalo Rewards card to the guard] It's all right, we're natives. [The guard opens the gate and lets them in. They arrive at the chief's residence and step out to talk to him] Protector and Chief, I present to you the keiki, Butters Stotch.ChiefAh, Stephen and Linda's child. Last time I saw you, you were the size of a coconut. Who's the haole?Kenny's room at the Residences, night. He sits by the open window with a lit candle, a pencil and a sheet of paper. He begins to write.KennyMy dearest friends,:I am living amongst the natives in the remote and tiny island of Kava'i. What can I tell you of this mysterious island and its people? It is a place of wonder, and yet to the outsider like me, a place of odd tradition. The people here are peaceful and joyous, and seem to care little for the rush and worry of the outside world. Their diet is mostly an odd mixture of coconut milk, pineapple juice, and vodka, which they call the chi-chi. As for Butters, he is quickly learning the ways of his ancestors, and seems to be feeling better with every passing day. He still seems quite angry at times, but luckily his ceremony will finally take place on the morrow.As he writes, the following scenes are shown: First, the Safeway supermarket. The people greet each other with a fist, with pinky and thumb extended. Next, three kids are playing in a pool while Donna enjoys her chi-chi and the older couple sit on chaise longues in the background. Next, Kenny is at the bar order a chi-chi. Next, Butters learns how to play bocce ball. Next, Stan reads the letter to Cartman and KyleStan[reading the letter] "On the morrow"? What the fuck is wrong with Kenny?KennyTo wit, I have found nothing wrong with this remote place, and I must admit it will be with some melancholy that I will leave this island and return home.

I saw this chick in a bikini on the beach too. She had the nicest boobs ever. Humbly yours, Kenneth.

A luau, day. All the natives are in line for lunch before the ceremony begins. Butters stands on a platform before the chief while Kenny watches onChiefIn the time-honored traditions of our ancestors, we honor the native Hawaiian Butters Stotch with his hapa noa. [everyone cheers and and woman slips a necklace onto his neck] The shark-tooth necklace represents your connection to our island. [a horn blower comes in with a conch shell and blows into it... badly] Now drink the chi-chi! [Patty walks over with a glass of it and gives it to Butters, who begins to drink it through a straw.]Butters[turns right and coughs, then] Whoa, it's like gasoline!ChiefDrink, young keiki, and you will feel the last of your aggression melt away.Butters[Finishes the rest of the drink, then stumbles just a little bit and smiles] Hey, uh now I do feel butter, uh better.ChiefO spirits of ancestors, we ask that you bless this native Hawaiian with his hapa noa! We ask that you-Blond Man[runs in] Listen! [climbs onto a table] Listen everyone! I have terrible, horrible news!ChiefDo you realize that you are interrupting a hapa noa?Blond ManI've just come from the front office! The Mahalo Rewards card is... [chokes]ChiefWhat?! What has happened? Speak!Blond ManThe Mahalo Rewards card is being eliminated! They're trying to say our points are... are... no longer going to be accepted.Chief[Rises from his chair and walks to his left] I knew one day it would come to this.PattyTo what? What does this mean?ChiefThe haoles are trying to do away with us.Resident 1With no rewards program, there will be no distinction between who's a native to this island and who isn't!Resident 2Why can't you people respect our island? Why do you always want nore?!ChiefI'm sorry keiki, your hapa noa will have to wait! For we must unite together as never before! It is time to show the haoles that this is our island! [this draws cheers from everyone]A seaside golf course, day. A cruise ship is some distance from the shore when it blows its horn. A group of natives stand by their golf ballsChief[Yelling at the ship] Stop ruining our island, haoles! FIRE! [The natives fire away into the ocean. Some of the golf balls land in the water, some of them reach the ship]First MateWhat are they doing? [The passengers are being pelted with golf balls.]Chief[Walks over to Butters and gives him a club] Take a swing! Let them know they are not welcome!ButtersI've never done this before. [Gets into position]ChiefIt's all right. Just try to tap into that anger that's inside you.ButtersAim... my anger! Stupid [Swings successfully] Ben Affleck! [The golf ball sails through the air and enters the bridge, smashing through the window and the captain's binoculars. The first mate shrieks] Waaah! [The captain stumbles onto a controller and breaks it with sheer momentum. The ship begins to pitch back and sink. Passengers begin to tumble towards the water. Butters is dumbfounded. The ship breaks in two]ManHold on! [The golf club just falls out of Butters' left hand] Hold on!WomanOh I can't! I can't! I can't hold on!ManI love you! I love you!WomanNo! I love you! I love you back! [The ship vanishes below the water]Breaking NewsAnnouncerThis is breaking news!AnchorAn insurrection in the Hawaiian Islands has escalated to war! After sinking a cruise ship, the natives of Kauai continue to go berserk, forcing all tourists off their island.Man 1They just pushed us onto airplanes and said we weren't welcome anymore!Woman 1Then a little boy called me a skank.Anchor[A picture of Barack Obama appears over his shoulder] The President says he will send the Coast Guard to take the island back, though he sympathizes, being a native Hawaiian himself. [Thinks about it for a second] Hm.The ceremonial plaza, day.ChiefAre all the tourists gone from our island?Resident 3All but a few who are hiding out at Duke's Restaurant. We sent Bob and Trisha Turner to smoke them out.Resident 4What about him?Kenny(What about me?)Resident 4He's a tourist and he knows everything! We have to kill him!Butters[Jumps in front of Kenny to shield him] No! Kenny's my friend! He's the only kid at school I actually like, you buncha jerks!ChiefBe careful young keiki, your anger still controls you because we were not able to finish the ceremony. Perhaps we should finish it now.Resident 4Finish his ceremony?! We are at war, David! I have lived on this island for ten years. Ten years! Every July and part of August! And I can tell you all that what we are about to face from the haoles is nothing short of genocide!Resident 5He's right, David. We can't trust any tourists.ButtersHe won't betray us! Will you, Kenny?!Kenny(No, I'm not going to fucking betray anybody!)Resident 6Then let him prove himself! Trial by opahika'a!Chief DavidHe's only a child!Resident 4If he wants to be one of us, then he must face the challenge!Chief DavidVery well. [The horn blower, Resident 5, returns to blow the conch shell]On the bank of a river flowing by the Residences, day. David and Butters are there with the rest of the residents in the background, and Kenny is...Blond ManThis isn't right! He's not a native! He's gonna get killed!ButtersKenny, be careful!Chief DavidQuiet. He must face this challenge alone. [Kenny is on a surfboard on the river using a small paddle to get somewhere]Resident 1By the gods! Perhaps he has the heart of a native after all!Resident 4He still has yet to make the turn! [Kenny reaches a buoy in the middle of the river and paddles around it, then makes his way back to the riverbank.]ResidentsHohhh!Resident 7[A little tipsy from his drink] That's pretty good. [Kenny slows down, then loses his balance and falls into the river]Kenny(Whoops!)ButtersKenny!ResidentsAwwwww. [A second later they all turn away and leave. Butters stays at the riverbank.]Resident 4[To another Resident] I told you a haole couldn't do it!Chief DavidDid you make the turn your first try? Did any of us? [Kenny pops up behind them and floats down the river]Resident 8[A woman, walks up to Butters] Don't worry, Butters, your friend will find a way back to his kind. The gods will protect him. [She extends her left hand and guides him away]Kenny looks downriver and sees a waterfall. He panics and quickly dog paddles away from it, but the current overwhelms him and he goes over. He bumps into several rocks, each bigger than the last, on his way down, head firstSmith's Tropical Paradise, day. David has assembled the residents into this building and now talks to themChief DavidWe have called for this great meeting because if we are to survive this war, all the native Hawaiian tribes must join as one!Resident 9We're not joining the people of the Hyatt Grand Vacations! They have no rights to call themselves natives!Vacationer 1Oh and you do?! Your ancestors came on an airplane six months ago! Our ancestors sailed here! On a cruise ship! Nine months ago!Chief DavidLook, if we are to fight the haoles, we have to allow all natives to stay!CanyonerIt doesn't matter how many tribes we have, we can't win! We are but a few against the haole's military might! We may have passion, but passion does not win wars!Chief DavidOh no? Come up here, keiki. Come on. [Butters gets on stage with David] This child sunk a cruise ship by himself! Tell them keiki. [Hands the mic to Butters]ButtersWell I don't know about the rest of ya, but I'm sick and tired of bein' pushed around all the time! I came all the way down here for my hapa noa ceremony, and I can't even have it, 'cause the fucking haoles have to ruin everything!Resident 9Yeah!Vacationer 1Screw them!ButtersWell if you ask me, the only good haole is a dead haole! With a, with a stick up his butthole, and his wiener cut off! Rraahhhh!Chief DavidLet us make a pact with more chi-chis!Resident 10[goes to serve himself some more chi-chi from the barrels, but finds there isn't any] Um, we're... we're out of chi-chis.Resident 11Oh, right, we've closed off all the ports.Resident 12But they're still letting vodka through, right? Uh... they can't cut off our chi-chis.Chief David...Oh my God.Downriver, day. Kenny crawls onto the riverbank, coughs, and looks up. He's across the road from Coco Palms. He stands up and walks towards it. He looks around and heads in, but first waits for a bunch of bats to fly out of the cavernous entrance. Meanwhile, offshore, the U.S. Coast Guard shows up in force to deal with the nativesCaptainThis is the U.S. Coast Guard! We have instructions to take you by force, if necessary!Chief David[heading up a large group of natives] Ready? Fire! [the natives fire off their golf balls, but none of them have any effect on the Coast Guard]Captain[Lowers his binoculars, then flatly] Fire. [The ships' guns fire away and decimate many of the natives]Chief DavidArm the bocce balls! [Surviving natives arm bocce balls into slingshots stretched between palm trees. One of them lands on the main ship with a heavy thud]CaptainGod damn it.Chief DavidKeep fighting! Stand your ground!Resident 4We can't fight without chi-chis!Chief DavidYou can and you MUST!Butters[He has six golf balls in front of him and he hits each one towards the Coast Guard] Stupid! Greedy! Haoles! Kill! Them! All!Kenny walks through the Coco Palms, which is dark and spooky. A voice is soon heard, and Kenny stops in his tracks. He turns and runs away, but steps onto a patch covering a hole on the floor and falls in. He recovers and looks up to see the shining ghost of Elvis Presley. He beckons Kenny to follow him, mumbling just like Kenny does.The KingCome on, come on. [Mumbles a few more things as they walk towards a door. Elvis stops and pulls a lever, and a wall rises to reveal loads of absolute vodka, pineapple juice, coconut milk, and macadamia nut liqueur, all the ingredients needed for chi-chis. Elvis walks up to the doorway and motions to Kenny] You know what chi-chis are, right?The Residences, day, on the ceremonial plaza, Chief David admits defeatChief DavidListen everyone, we gave it all we had. It's over. We must go down to Nowiliwili Harbor, and surrender to the American government.Butters[Runs onto the plaza] Surrender?! No, the heck with that!Resident 4We can't hold out here any longer!ButtersWell I won't do it, you hear me?! I'm not licking anybody's... testes!Chief DavidYoung keiki, try to control your anger.ButtersNo! This is our home! And I'm sick of everyone who thinks they're better than me just 'cause they've got good looks, and just 'cause, even after massacring Daredevil, they happen to come back and hit a home run that everyone likes! You shouldn't be able to be good-looking and be with Jennifer Lopez and be a good director! [Turns around and walks away] All right all right fine! Argo is a good movie! There, I admitted it! I told people that it didn't hold up, but it holds up god darn it! Ben Affleck has everything, GRAGH!Resident 13Everyone! Look, I say! [Everyone comes to see, and it's Kenny coming back with a raft full of absolute vodka, pineapple juice, coconut milk, and macadamia nut liqueur. Everyone cheers him on]Resident 14The haole did it!KennyMy dear friends of the mainland,:What adventures I have found on the tiny island of Kava'i. I have truly become one with the natives, who found new courage to fight their oppressors.Chief DavidWe are not surrendering today! Go back and tell your leaders that we will fight them until the end! [Everyone cheers]CaptainYou people just don't give up, do ya?KennyThe American government finally gave in to the natives and had the Mahalo Rewards cards reinstated. Our two cultures, it appears, will once again live in peace.Everyone cheers, even the Coast Guard captainKennyWith the war at an end, our Butters is able to have his hapa noa ceremony. And with any help from the gods, become his old cheery self again.The hapa noa ceremony, day. Butters will finally become a full-fledged member of his tribeChief DavidAnd so it is with great honor that we recognize these two natives with their hapa noa. Take your cards, boys. [Two women come up and give them their cards] Apuiloa hapnanoaha! Hapa'a'a hohaaa! [Resident 5 returns to blow the conch shell a third time.] It's finally over, young keiki. Is your anger at rest?Butters[He thinks for a moment] Yeah, I guess so. Except it still doesn't change the fact that Ben Affleck gets to be handsome, talented, and then gets to go home and kiss Jennifer Lopez.Resident 15Ben Affleck isn't with Jennifer Lopez anymore, he's married to Jennifer Gardner.ResidentsYeah, it's true, uh huh.ButtersWhat? Really? But I thought I was totally jealous of him. He's just married to Jennifer Gardner? Oh my God, I feel so much better. [smiles with relief]Kenny(You do?)ButtersYeah, ogh, I like that Ben Affleck guy. He's a good filmmaker. Come on, Kenny, I guess I owe the kids at school an apology. [He and Kenny walk off into the sunset] Did you see Argo, Kenny? It's a pretty good movie. Ben Affleck has a lot goin' for him. Not everything, but a lot. Whoopie!

#long post

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tilltheendwilliwrite · 4 years

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I Like Boys

A Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Story

Master List

Pairing: Stucky | Word Count: 2256 | Warnings: Language

Based on the Todrick Hall song I Like Boys

A/N: With all the crazy in the world right now, I thought we could all use a little something fun and fluffy. This is my first Pride fic, please be kind as I did my absolute best. Love who you love, people. There’s nothing greater in life.

This fic is for @magellan-88 who inspires me even when she doesn’t intend to.

***

James Buchanan Barnes was ninety-seven years old when his Hydra programming finally broke. He spent two years running from his best friend, another two in cryo, and five after that apparently blipped into nothing. After the fight - were, somehow, they all came out alive - Bucky decided, fuck it!

How many times had he almost died? How many chances had he had? How many more would he waste before finally living his best life?

So he retired—sort of.

There was no such thing as "retiring" when your idiot best friend continued to throw himself out of planes and into the line of fire on a regular basis, but Steve did slow down. He took on a more managerial role, was promoted to "General" for his service, and spent his days sitting on his ass behind a desk.

Bucky liked him there. He liked having Steve unbruised and unbusted at the end of the day, saunter through the door to their joint living space and holler, "Honey, I'm home!"

It was a joke on the blond's part that was wearing thin, for when Bucky decided to live his best life, he'd begun to do some research about what that meant. Be true to you was a big part of it. But to be true to himself, he had to be honest with himself, and honesty meant admitting he'd been in love with Steven "is this a test" Rogers for most of his natural life.

Sadly, Steve liked girls. Case in point, one Peggy "gonna bust some balls" Carter.

Bucky couldn't exactly compete with that. She was one classy dame, and it hurt him to know that Steve would likely never move on. This era and it's dating rituals had thrown Cap for a loop. Women were too forward, and Steve - surprisingly - too shy to dive into the world of casual dates and sex.

For Bucky, it was different. He liked boys. There, he'd said it, but he still hadn't said it to Steve. Natasha, however, was a different story. She'd grown used to him sighing and pining on her shoulder. She said she hated it - she didn't - but she bitched enough for both of them.

Then she took him shopping.

While he was standing in some place called Sephora with miles of makeup and aisle of perfume that kind of made him want to sneeze, he had the shock of his life. All this "girly" crap everywhere, but in the middle of it was a guy? A cute guy. With well-groomed hair and this fabulous winged eyeliner - nothing like his Hydra days - wearing really cute skinny jeans and glitter on his cheeks.

Enchanted, Bucky left Natasha's side and slowly made his way over. The guy, man, guy he wasn't sure, looked up and flashed him a smile.

"Help you, honey?"

Bucky blinked. He had fantastic skin. "You're so shiny." A flush immediately reddened his face.

But Sephora Guy, whose name ended up being Ben, laughed and lightly patted his arm. "Aw, thanks, sweets. You looking for some skin care tips?"

Bucky nodded, unsure what else to do.

"Honey, you came to the right fella!"

Ben grabbed his wrist and led him to a chair where he bid Bucky sit. For the next hour, he was educated on everything from moisturizer to foundation to why Ben wore makeup. They talked about hair care, skin care, and what it meant to be "out" with such enthusiasm. Bucky had never spoken so candidly with anyone about his sexuality and found it enlightening.

He left the shop with five hundred dollars worth of product, a list for the hair salon, and a bunch of links to reputable websites if Bucky had more questions.

The smug on Natasha said she set him up, but he didn't care. He'd had the best day.

And when everything wound up on the counter in his and Steve's shared bathroom, Steve only arched a brow, smiled, and said nothing.

Bucky continued to learn, research, and occasionally visit the mall to have coffee with Ben or his partner Matt. They were always kind, never impatient, and easy-going. He'd begun to wonder if they hadn't realized who he was until one day he asked, and they both looked at him with amused smiles.

"Metal arm, slightly brooding, runs around after a "little punk" but now with a much better skin routine? Honey. Please," Ben snorted.

After, Bucky began to explore and try new things. He cooked, found a love for baking, and especially loved baking for Steve. The man refused to slow down, so it never affected Steve's physique, but Bucky found he was a little bit softer around the middle, his face fuller, his body less hard, and he liked it.

It was nice not to be combat-ready all the time. Sure he could strap on the black and spend nine hours running down Hydra, that hadn't changed, but he had the smallest pudge of a belly, a soft little roll that he loved.

Then, out of the blue, Natasha introduced him to roller derby.

Bucky was thrilled! He'd never seen anything so flashy, showy, violent in all his life that was meant to be fun! Oh, sure he'd watch the wrestling that showed up on TV, but he felt most of that was so phony. This? This was chaos. This was mayhem.

This was freaking awesome!

And the women were great. They were loud and boisterous, or sweet and shy, but when they put on their gear, they all became demons. Natasha occasionally trained with the group known as Red's Devils, a group of women from difficult circumstances she sponsored during the blip. It gave the ladies an outlet for grief, anger, pain that they wouldn't have had otherwise.

Once they met him, they'd put him in a pair of roller skates and dragged him around the track. Of course, with the serum and his enhanced body, getting his balance and figuring out how to move on wheels was cake, and soon he was skating around the room, learning neat tricks and tips from the women catcalling and laughing along with him

Bucky loved it.

Finally, after seventy years as a Hydra pawn and all the crap that came afterward, he'd figured it out, found himself, and was happy. The only thing he wasn't satisfied with was Steve.

It was getting harder and harder to pretend like he didn't tent his pants every time the big dumb blond wandered through the apartment in a towel. Or that "Honey, I'm home!" didn’t make his damn heart flutter. Some days it hurt to look at his stupid beautiful face and not want to kiss it. Or punch it.

He swore Steve's shirts were getting tighter. Sometimes, it felt like his eyes lingered.

The shit was messing with his head, dammit!

Then, just as the world was getting it's shit back together, the pandemic happened. Covid 19 struck, and everything stopped. The world stood still, went into lockdown, and Bucky wanted to slam his head on the wall.

He had been going to his first Pride event with Ben and Matt, ready to step outside and be who he was, while those who didn't approve could kiss his lily-white ass. He was going to tell Steve. He was going to stop hiding, conforming, resiting who he was. And it all went to shit thanks to a fucking virus.

He was pissed! It wasn't fair! He'd been so prepared.

Natasha found him pouting on the couch in the common area of the now mostly empty compound. Anyone who could go home was sent home, leaving them running a skeleton crew of people, and forcing as much separation as possible.

She flopped down mostly on top of him. "Why so glum, chum?"

"Pride's cancelled," he muttered.

She snorted. "No, it's not."

He rolled his eyes. "We're under a shelter in place order, Natalia."

"I'm aware, Barnes," she huffed. "But Pride isn't cancelled. Just because you can't strut down the street waving a rainbow flag doesn't stop what this month is about. It's about you, celebrating you, and all the people who came before you who fought, screamed, raged against injustice and in some cases, died to be able to stand up proudly and say I'm gay, I'm bisexual, I'm transgender. You can't go out. That doesn't mean you can't celebrate."

She patted his chest and left him sitting there to think about what she said.

***

The music that pounded through the compound jerked Steve's head up. Reports forgotten, he rose and went to look out his office door, only to gape in shock as Bucky, wearing the shortest, tightest, black shorts he'd ever seen and a cropped top that showed off his cute little belly, rolled by on roller skates. He'd cut his hair not long ago, his interest in styling it a new hobby. Right now, it was fluffed high and held there with wax, looking soft and shiny and pretty as hell. Glitter sparkled on his cheeks, on his lashes, and glossed his lips.

He smirked as he rolled by, blue eyes amused. "Close your mouth, Rogers."

Steve swallowed thickly and followed Bucky down the hallway. Those shorts should be illegal. The top wasn't much better. The cropped top was blue, sleeveless, showing off defined muscles and metal arm. His skin freaking glowed against the blue.

It was seriously unfair how hot his best friend was, and Steve thanked his lucky stars he'd worn sweats and underwear today that helped disguise the tent forming in his pants.

When Bucky stooped to pick up a big ass rainbow flag, Steve's jaw dropped. He knew what June first represented, how did Bucky?

Like a moth to a flame, Steve followed Bucky into the common room where Bucky was skating in happy circles, singing along to the music.

"I like boys, I like pecs, like them arms when they flex. Like that print in them sweats. Tell them, girls, "Thank you, next." I like when they text me sexy pics of 'em, like them abs when there's six of 'em. Tell them girls I'm sorry; I like boys, Mama, boys like me."

Steve's jaw dropped. His mind refused to compute what he was hearing. It blue screened, whited out, and returned in time to watch Bucky drop it low and twerk like he'd done it all his life.

"I like when they shake it, shake it. I like when they grind real slow. I like when they almost naked. Tell dad I'm so homo. Lights off, doors shut. Tall, dark, clean-cut. Thick with a bubble but. Yup, Mama, I like boys."

A sound like a fax machine escaped his throat as Bucky danced, shook his ass, swung his hips, and sent Steve's mind so far into the gutter he wondered if it would ever come out.

"Bitch, B to the O to the Y to the S, Boys will be boys, and with boys, I'm obsessed. Boys in their gym clothes, boys in a dress, and if boys are a crime, then I'm under arrest. 'Cause I've been boy crazy since the boy scouts. Fuck the closets, let the boys out. Don't be a camel when you are a llama, period. No comma, bring on all the drama. Mama, I like boys, I like pecs, like them arms when they flex. Like that print in them sweats. Tell them girls, "Thank you, next." I like when they text me sexy pics of 'em. Like them abs when there's six of 'em. Tell them girls I'm sorry; I like boys, Mama, boys like me."

The music continued to play, but Bucky rolled away from the window, leaving the flag he'd been carrying behind on the couch when he skated up to Steve and stopped. On the skates, Bucky was inches taller and caused Steve to tilt his head back to look up at him as he had when they were kids.

"So," Bucky murmured, a blush under the glitter and eyes suddenly shy and uncertain. "I like boys."

Steve's heart clenched. Before he could stop himself or second guess what he was doing, his hand shot out, grabbed the back of Bucky's neck, and dragged his friend down in a kiss that had been pent up for almost a century.

Bucky squeaked, flailed once, almost rolled away, and finally wrapped his arms around Steve in a near bone-crushing hug. Lips slanted, mouths softened, parted, inhaled, changed the angle and softened.

Tingles raced through Steve's body as he kissed Bucky, his Bucky, pouring every bit of emotion he felt into it. Then, he nipped his teeth into Bucky's lip and slowly pulled away.

"I'm bisexual," Steve murmured. "I've known for years."

"You punk-ass piece of shit! Why didn't you say something?" Bucky barked, but Steve noticed he didn't let go.

"There wasn't time." He gently squeezed Bucky's nape. "And how do you tell your best friend in the whole world you've been in love with him your entire life?"

"Steve…" Bucky whispered, resting their foreheads together. "You're an idiot."

Steve kissed him again because there was no refuting that logic.

***

From the second-floor observation deck, Natasha turned her phone camera from the scene below to her grinning face. The live stream event had hearts and comments blowing up her Instagram. "Happy Pride everyone. If those two old farts can figure it out, anyone can."

She blew a kiss at the camera and ended the stream.

-The End-

#i like boys #stucky #tumblr exclusive #for pride month

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ikenbar · 3 years

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A Date with Kiro: The Costume Shop

Howdy folks!

So, I’ve had the idea for dates supporting my oc, Ikamara for some time now but I wanted to go a little farther in her story before trying anything. But now we are at Chapter five so HERE WE GO!!

I also want to use the dates to show off who would be the main fella for the next chapters!! and SURPRISE!! Kiro will be the main for the next chapter!! :D So excited for this chapter you guys have no idea. And I’ll be able to show it off next week!! Stay tuned~ ;P

-Ike and Bar Productions

Setting: Right after the happenings of Chapter four. Ike has a weekend off so she spends it investigating some leads on the Montu case.

To understand some details about the Montu case, feel free to read Chapter one, part one of my fanfiction here! If you’re just here for the sake of a Kiro date, enjoy your stay! You don’t have to read the fanfiction to understand what is happening but it would make more sense! :D

Warnings: There are none. Unless you have a problem with tight clothing and/or cute gay moments.

Date with Kiro: Costume Shop

"Sorry, mam. Like I said before, we don’t sell that here.”

I pouted, dropping the mask in my hand slightly. I had made a goal to visit all of the costume shops in Loveland city, searching for the mask Montu had sent me, hoping to find one that had sold it. But the city only had three costume shops, and I had been through all them before ten on a Saturday.

Sensing my disappointment, the shop owner continued, “If it would make you feel better, you can have a look around. I don’t know. Maybe they took something apart from my store to make it.” I thought a moment, then nodded, shoving the mask into my messenger bag. I turned and looked around the shop. It was small but jam packed full of strange outfits and costumes. Some of which seemed to be vintage. This intrigued me.

I had barely taken one step into the store before a buzzing came from my pocket. I pulled it out and froze.

It was Kiro.

I still hadn’t quite accepted the fact that the Kiro was now one of my frequent connections. But there he was, calling me on a Saturday like we were actual friends… at least I hoped we were. Maybe I was just a question he was trying to answer. After all, how we met left a lot to the imagination.

Without wanting to waste anymore time, I quickly answered the call.

“Speaking.” I said, as casual as I could.

“Hey Super Stranger! How are you?”

Instantly my sour mood disappeared as Kiro’s happy voice filled my ears. Kiro had given me that nickname when I had saved him from a car accident. I had my motorcycle helmet on so he couldn’t see my face very well. He had called me his hero and had given me a nickname to commemorate it. And, though the nickname was corny, it never ceased to bring butterflies to my stomach. “I’m alright.” I mused, walking further into the store as I spoke, “How are you?”

“I’m great!” Kiro sang, “Guess what?”

“... What?” I asked, my smile faltering slightly.

“I found this amazing little stand that serves the best drinks! You’ve gotta come try it!”

“What- Now?” I scoffed.

“Yeah!” Kiro sang, “I don’t know when they are closing so it has to be now!”

“I’m a little busy with work.” I said, pulling at various costumes from their racks, “I don’t think I’d be able to leave it so easily.”

“You work on the weekends?” Kiro laughed slightly.

“Well superheroing isn’t really a part time gig!”

“But even superheroes need breaks!”

“Yeah, well, crime never rests.”

“But they make an amazing hot chocolate! They add espresso for extra flavor!”

The mention of coffee instantly changed my attitude.

“What do you say? Just one drink!” Kiro’s pleas increasingly became higher pitched, as if he was a child promising to do chores for a piece of candy.

Before I could say another word, a scream came from Kiro’s end of the phone. “Oh no.” Kiro whispered with dread on his tongue, “I’ve been spotted! I’ll text you the address and you can just meet me here!”

“Are you sure that’s a good-”

“No time to talk!” Kiro hurriedly said, “Gotta go! Later Stranger!” And with that, he hung up the phone. I looked down at the phone, shaking my head uselessly at it. Despite the disapproval I felt, a smile still crept it’s way up my lips. There was no way of saying no to that man.

With new found motivation, I searched the variety of costumes for anything pertaining to Montu. Without realizing it, I had begun looking through the superhero suits. As I scanned the clothes, I pulled out a particularly familiar looking costume. My foster brother, Sam, and I used to watch old cartoons from CDs that our foster father kept in his attic. There were a thousand collections to pick from but one cartoon in particular truly piqued our interest.

Boot Fever.

It was about a group of superheroes that fought villains who tried taking over their already crumbling city. It was a very old show with a very old premise but, man did Sam and I eat it up. From the characters to the animation to even the terrible voice acting, we watched that show late into the night. I may not have had great memories of my childhood, but those memories are ones I would take to my grave.

I thought the show had long been forgotten but there I was, holding the main protagonist’s outfit. Her name was Red Sparrow. Her super power was to be able to transform her body into anything she thought of. Sam compared her to me all the time. Though the only point he could connect us to was the fact she was strong. Because, other than that, we were complete opposites. She was very dramatic and in tune with her emotions. Not to mention her suit was extremely form fitting. And, at the time, the tightest thing in my closet was my yoga pants. Even then they would be paired with an oversized sweatshirt and a flannel around my waist.

Past all of that, I loved the fact that she wore a full face mask. It resembled the face of the bird she was named after and, though the design was simple, made her character a big hit in her time. Women's appearances in shows in that time were based solely on how revealing they were. Red sparrow seemed to take that and turn it on it’s head. Her jumpsuit completely covered her whole body, hiding her identity completely.

I plucked off the mask from the top hanger and turned it over in my hands. No one would know it was her unless they took it off. She was a mystery. I longed to be that mystery ever since I was a kid-

A loud bang came from the front door. I ducked behind the clothes rack, immediately bracing for a fight. Instead, I was met with the sound of someone panting heavily. “Welcome in, sir.” The owner of the shop said sarcastically, “Is there something I can help you find?” Curiosity overlapping my shock, I peered around the rack.

There, weakly leaning on the door, was Kiro. He had his eyes closed as he gasped for air. He was in his usual disguise of sunglasses and a black hoodie, but the hoodie’s armpits looked to be drenched in sweat as his sunglasses slid down his equally wet face.

I quickly sunk back behind the rack, frozen in fear. Kiro can’t be here! I screamed in my head, If he tried talking to me he’d know I was Super Stranger! Then I would only disappoint him by being some lowly tv show producer with no regard for feelings! Not to mention, holding a scantily clad costume of an old tv show. I have to act fast.

Looking down at the mask in my hand, a stupid plan came to mind. Not having the time to second guess it, I quickly threw the mask on and pulled the rest of the costume off of it’s hanger. I hurried to the dressing room and pulled the curtain shut, praying that Kiro didn’t notice me go in there. I quickly started stripping down, folding my clothes and shoving them into my messenger bag as I moved.

As I changed, I heard some screaming coming from outside of the small shop.

“I saw him go this way!”

“Quick! Don’t let him go too far!”

Some rustling came from inside the store as Kiro’s familiar voice traveled the air, “Sir, I need a place to hide! Please! Help me!”

I had never heard Kiro so desperate. Half of me wanted to jump out of the dressing room right then to help him. The other half would rather finish getting dressed first.

The latter won.

I pulled on the skin tight suit, regretting it instantly as it squeaked over my skin and tugged at my unshaven leg hairs.

“I don’t know, sir.” the shopkeeper droned, “That sounds rather suspicious to me.”

“I’ll give you my autograph.”

“There is a dressing room over there you can hide in.” The shopkeeper spoke quickly and excitedly. I cursed in a whisper as I picked up my pace. After a moment of pause, quick steps approached my hiding spot. With one last zip of my costume, thankfully from the front, the curtain to the room shot open. Kiro hadn’t looked at me yet, still focused on the door where the screaming had only further increased. But, once he had, his face went completely red.

“I-I’m so sorry!” Kiro stammered, eyes darting straight to the ceiling, “I didn’t know this room was occupied!” A loud bang came from the store’s door again. Without lingering on the awkwardness anymore, I grabbed Kiro’s arm and pulled him into the room. I pushed him into the corner and held a finger to the mask’s beak. Still bushing wildly, Kiro nodded, holding his eyes on my mask all too securely.

High pitched voices rang through the store as they searched the shop. Some of them were questioning the shopkeeper. Others were whining about how small the store was. The sound of metal scraping against metal chimed in the mess of sounds as the girls started searching the clothing racks for him. Soon the interrogating and complaints turned even more sour as they slowly came up with nothing.

Just as I thought we were in the clear, a shadow appeared under the dressing room curtain. “Hey!” A particularly annoying voice called, “Is there anyone in there?!” I froze. Kiro couldn’t answer. He was the person they were looking for! But I couldn’t answer either because Kiro would know I was Super Stranger!

“Hello?!” The girl impatiently called. I felt Kiro’s eyes on me.

I sighed.

“Occupied.” I resolutely boomed. The shadow flickered.

“S-sorry!” She said, obviously startled by my voice. The shadow quickly disappeared. Avoiding Kiro’s eyes, I walked over to the curtain and peered out of the room, just in time to watch all the girls leave the store. I sighed once again and straightened myself, letting the curtain fall back into place.

“You should be safe now.” I said, turning back to face Kiro. He was staring at me wide eyed and mouth agape. His face had significantly returned to it’s normal hue, if not for a slight blush on his cheeks.

“S-Super Stranger?!” He scoffed, finally letting his eyes stray from my face and to my body. I folded my arms and popped my hip.

“Eyes up here, chief.” I deadpanned, signalling for him to adjust his gaze. He did so, his blush rushing back through his face.

“Sorry!” He chuckled nervously, pulling his eyes from me completely, “I just never thought you’d have such a…”

“Yes?”

“... Such a love for such an old show! I mean, how old do you have to be to know who Red Sparrow is?!”

“Apparently not old at all.” I walked over to Kiro and tilted my head so our eyes met, “Suggesting that the twenty-three year old Kiro knows about it.” Kiro tensed. Then he laughed, releasing some of the obvious tension that rode on his shoulders. He looked at me adoringly through the mask.

“I can’t believe it, Super Stranger! You saved me again!” Kiro raised his arms. I held a hand out.

“They were just some fangirls.” I insisted, pushing Kiro backward, “No big deal.”

“Of course it’s a big deal! Who knows what they would have done if they caught me! Let me make it up to you.”

“That isn’t necessary.”

“Come on it’s the least I can do! Hey! That drink stand I was telling you about isn’t too far from here! Let’s go there!”

“And how do you expect to get out of here with those girls looking for you?” I asked, folding my arms again. Kiro’s eyes flickered back to my body. Then, a strange emotion sparked in his eyes as he let them linger there.

“I just need a new disguise!” He said rubbing his hands together. I slowly looked down at my outfit.

“... If you think you’re getting this-”

“No, this shop is full of costumes! I wonder…” Kiro walked past me, being careful not to touch me. He paused at the curtain, checking that the coast was clear, then he moved out of the room. I had only been alone for a couple of minutes until Kiro had returned, costume in hand. I froze.

In his hands was the costume of Complex Cell, the sidekick to Red Sparrow. He could duplicate himself up to a thousand times and not break a sweat, easily confusing the enemy long enough to take them down. He also just so happened to be Red Sparrow’s love interest.

“What are you doing?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“What do you mean, Sparrow?!” Kiro beamed.

>>>

“I can pay, Kiro.”

“Who is this Kiro?!” Kiro boomed, handing the shop owner his card, “For I am COMPLEX CELL!!” I rolled my eyes. The moment Kiro had put on the costume it was like he had completely disappeared, only to be replaced by Complex Cell. The overly confident, motivating, annoyingly positive sidekick of a superhero… so in reality not much had changed other than how he spoke, which was cute at first but it got boring quick.

“Come, dear Sparrow!” Kiro laced his arm into mine, “Hot chocolate awAITS US!!” He took his card and skipped out of the store, pulling me closely behind him.

The moment I stepped out of the store, I immediately felt the eyes of the world on me. I may have been comfortable with my body but I had never been that exposed before. I normally would be wearing at least a jacket but now…

“Hey.” Kiro tugged on my arm, “You ok, Sparrow?”

“I’m not Red Sparrow.” I said through my teeth, “Do you realize how much we stand out?! Everyone’s staring!”

“The sidewalk is practically empty.”

“Emphasis on practically.”

“Stranger,” Kiro laughed and tapped my arm lightly, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. Remember, you’re not the only one dressed up like this! I’ve got your back! Besides, you look amazing!”

My heart leaped through my throat, “... You really think so?”

“Of course!” Kiro looked down at me. His mask only covered the top half of his face, exposing his glistening smile, “I’m disappointed more people aren’t looking! More people need to see how amazing you look!” I elbowed Kiro in the side but still felt the uneasiness lift from my shoulders. There was nothing Kiro would say that could make me hate him.

“Red Sparrow!?”

Kiro halted in his steps and spun around. A small child smiled brightly at Kiro and me. She was tugging at her father’s jacket, pointing at us excitedly. “Dad! Dad, look!! It’s Red Sparrow and Complex Cell!” Kiro released my arm and struted confidently towards the kid.

“Hello, dear child!” Kiro boomed, , smiling brightly and laughing dramatically as he knelt to the little girl’s eye level, “I see you have spotted Sparrow and I! But I am very surprised that someone as pretty as you could know about us!”

“I watched you guys win battles with my mom!” The girl giggled, blushing at Kiro’s shining face, “I really like how you guys save the day! Everyday! I especially like Red Sparrow.” The girl looked hopefully up to me, “She’s my favorite!”

“Well today is your lucky day!” Kiro turned to look at me as well, smile somehow brighter than before, “Isn’t it, Sparrow??” I looked between the two of them, frozen in place. I know what Kiro wants. He wants Red Sparrow. But I'm not Red Sparrow! I’m Ike. The horrible, cold, distant-

A sparkle flashed across the little girl’s eyes. A sparkle I was all too familiar with…

I sighed.

“My dear adventurer!!” My voice jumped to action as I threw my hands in the air and cat-walked over to the girl, “I am honored to be considered your favorite superhero! Pray tell, just how are you doing this fine day?” I knelt down next to Kiro and posed for the girl. Her face lit up beautifully, smiling brighter than even Kiro. Before I could say anymore, she ran into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck tightly and nearly tipping me over. I kept my arms out, looking to Kiro for any kind of help he could give me. He merely grinned, flashing me with adoring eyes. I frowned uselessly at him. He was no help.

I patted the little girl softly on her back, “M-My! You startled me.” I awkwardly said in Sparrow’s voice, “What’s this for?”

“Last year, my mommy died.” The little girl’s whisper stunned me even further, “She was sick and spent a lot of time in her bed. But we would still spend time together to watch you save the day! She said that she liked you because it didn’t matter what happened to you. You would always make sure the bad guys would lose. And that’s why you’re my favorite! Because you were my mom’s favorite!”

Anything I wanted to say was blocked by a lump forming in my throat. Tidal waves of emotions crashed through my heart as the girl’s grip remained tight around my neck. I may not have had that kind of experience before, nor did I want to experience it, but hearing it come from such a small voice made me feel so bad for her. Like I was next to her on that bed and watching those shows with her mom. The only person I watched those kinds of shows with was Sam and if I were to lose him…

I wrapped my arms around the little girl, pulling her closely to me as I cradled her. “You and your mother have quite an amazing taste.” I said, heroic voice faltering slightly, “But, you should know one thing. I am only a hero because you allow me to be one.” The little girl pulled away from me.

“What do you mean?” She asked, her big eyes filled with curiosity. I smiled lightly and moved my hands so I was holding her arms.

“I am only a hero to protect people like you! Without you, I would be nothing.” I tilted my head and winked at the girl through my mask. The girl shook her head and pushed my hands down.

“That’s not true.” She smiled, “You don’t need someone watching you to do the right thing! You should be able to do it because you know it’s right! That’s what my mom always said!” My finger twitched. Without a moment to waste, the girl turned to her father.

“Daddy! Daddy! Can you take a picture of us!!”

The girl and her father walked joyfully away, leaving Kiro and me in silence. A hand rubbed my back. “You alright, Stranger?” Kiro asked, finally dropping his hero facade.

“... How can a girl that young be so smart?” I asked softly, folding my arms and adjusting my posture to one that better suited me instead of Red Sparrow. Kiro laughed.

“You know, I was thinking the same thing!” He said through a chuckle, “I guess it’s true that wisdom comes from experience.” Kiro’s words left us in another meaningful silence.

“... She reminds me of my foster brother.” I said, my voice trailing slightly. Kiro’s head snapped to me in my peripherals.

“You… were a foster kid?” Kiro asked, tone shifting dramatically.

“We used to watch Boot Fever all the time when we were growing up.” I continued, ignoring Kiro’s question, “He would dress up and pop popcorn because he was so excited to watch it with me.” I turned and caught Kiro’s sparkling eyes. I rolled my own and shoved him from me.

“Don’t look at me like that.” I deadpanned.

“Stranger!” He said, closing the distance between us again with open arms, “You’re opening up!”

“Yeah, yeah.” I mused, looking round the area we were standing in, “Where is this drink stand you have been raving about?”

“Oh!” Kiro quickly grabbed my hand and pointed behind me. A cute, wooden, mobile drink stand sat on the other side of the street. Steam wafted up from a false chimney, gracing the cool air with the soft smell of caramel and cinnamon. Two people stood in line for the drinks, but other than that the street was nearly empty. “Luckily for us, those girls didn’t see me at the stand.” Kiro excitedly said into my ear, “And there is no line! Let’s go!” Kiro pushed against my back. I quickly swatted him away and started walking to the stand on my own. Kiro quickly followed, clapping his hands together like an eager child.

The couple at the stand left with their drinks, leaving room for Kiro and me to walk up. The woman manning the stand looked me up and down. A charming smile flashed on her lips. “Red Sparrow?” She asked, leaning on the counter and arching an eyebrow.

“Barista?” I asked, folding my arms again. She laughed and stood up straight.

“No need to get defensive, Red.” The barista said, “You look good!” A sharp blush struck my cheeks. Arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me backwards and into a chest.

“I know, right?!” Kiro giddily chimed, rubbing his head into my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and flicked Kiro’s forehead. He whined and pulled away from me to rub his head. The barista chuckled and turned to her drinks.

“So, what will it be, heroes?” She asked, avoiding any more eye contact with me. I looked at the menus on the side of the stand, then at Kiro.

“... I’ll have an iced caramel macchiato, subed with white chocolate mocha, coconut milk, and a mocha drizzle.”

Kiro and the barista looked at me in shocked silence. I turned calmly to Kiro. “Anything you’d like to add, Cap?” I asked Kiro casually. His look of astonishment never faltered.

“...You really drink that kind of drink?” He asked with a laugh.

“Oh not at all.” I tactlessly chimed, casually looking at the tip of my gloves, “I just told you I was a foster child. I’ve got to throw you off my scent before you figure out my secret identity.”

“Oh a drink order won’t throw me off!” Kiro laughed and casually approached me, “Just you wait! I’ll figure your identity out and we can be heroes together!... Speaking of which,” Kiro leaned forward, eyes shining beautifully, “Did you ever come up with a superhero name for me like you promised?”

I didn’t know if it was how close he was standing to me, the soft aroma of romantic scents, or the fact that he fit into that superhero costume so well, but every word I wanted to say got caught in my throat. All I could do was look him in the eyes. Eyes so gorgeously blue, I could swim in them…

“Hey, Red.”

I snapped to and looked over at the barista. She shook the iced drink in her hand. “You gonna pay for this or make me stand here holding it in the middle of fall?” She asked, tone dripping in annoyance. I cleared my throat and nodded, taking the drink from her.

“As for you, Captain.” I said, regaining my composure as I turned back to Kiro, “Your hero name is one of importance. I will tell you what it is in due time.”

“So in other words, you don’t have one yet.” Kiro sighed, pouting slightly.

“I do too!” I huffed, stepping away from the stand and gesturing to Kiro to follow, “I’m just not going to expose it in a place where everyone is listening!” Kiro laughed and pulled me into a firm side hug.

“Alright Stranger, I’ll let you off this once.” He sighed, pulling me down the street with me by his side, “So what are you up to for the rest of the day! Are you free to hang out?”

“Me?” I scoffed, brushing off Kiro’s hand from my shoulder, “What about you? Does Savin even know you’re out here?”

“Today’s my day off! Which means I’m all yours!... if you’ll have me?” Kiro’s eyes sparkled like diamonds as he awaited my answer. My hand drifted to my messenger bag where a lump graced my fingertips. I dedicated the whole day to finding anything I could about Montu… but I suppose the costume shops were a bust, and I had no other leads to follow…

“... Where to first?” I asked, adjusting the messenger bag on my shoulder. Kiro beamed and laced his arm in mine. With that, we had continued our walk down the street, starting a meaningless conversation and going nowhere in particular. And, for the first time in a while,

I was alright with having no where to go.

(Next)

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fandomlurker · 3 years

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A Ponderous Rewatch: Battle for the Planet and Cameos

You know, I keep trying to be minimal with the amount of images I put in these posts, but I think it’s kind of a losing battle…especially when it comes to episodes animated by TMS like the second one coming later on today. I can’t help it, some of the expressions and poses are just too good to not be shared.

In any case, let’s begin with one very small cameo appearance in “Space Probed”:

Our little duo have apparently found themselves abducted by aliens, only to be kept in lab conditions much like the one on Earth at ACME Labs. This is one of those times where I wish I could know the production order of these episodes and not just the air date order… Why? Well, because this small cameo could potentially line up really well with an upcoming episode. Just keep that in mind for now.

With that out of the way, we move on to our next full skit:

And we begin with the Brain expositing to Pinky about how he came up with the plan for this episode.

“Halloween, Pinky: 1938. Mercury Radio Theatre presented an adaptation of H. G. Wells’ ‘War of the Worlds’ that was so realistic, people actually fled the cities believing that creatures from Mars were attacking the Earth. It proved that radio was a powerful tool…and now, Pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?”

Before we move on, how many of you reading this have heard about this? And how many of you know that this is actually an incident that happened in real life? Yes, people actually fled their homes after hearing this broadcast. Not a lot of people, of course. Not by a long shot. Most just made panicked phone calls to their local police station or to the radio station itself to find out what was really going on. The incident also wasn’t nationwide or anything like that, it was quite local. If anything, the radio play caused much more outrage after the fact than initial panic.

Another amusing anecdote is that Orson Welles was the man who directed, narrated, and played a main character in the broadcast. For those of you who may not be in the know, although Brain was initially based on animator and writer Tom Minton at Warner Brothers, Brain’s voice actor Maurice LaMarche based his voice on Orson Welles. Or, well, as Mr. LaMarche puts it: “The Brain is 70 percent Welles, 20 percent Vincent Price, and I don't know, there's another 10 percent of something else in there. I don't know what. Some people think it's Peter Lorre. I don't know what it is.”.

Strong references aside, I’m betting most of you can see the massive holes in the Brain’s plan already. Hoo boy…

“Umm… The rubber band?”

“The workings of your mind are a mystery to me, Pinky.”

“Ooo! I love a good mystery, Brain!”

You know, this little sequence with Brain nonchalantly stretching the rubber band while walking away from Pinky and Pinky determinedly holding on until Brain lets go off camera and sends Pinky flying is… Well, I don’t know what it is about it, but it’s kind of cute in a weird slapstick way? Like, it’s hard to tell if Brain did that on purpose to send Pinky flying for not understanding his plan…or if he actually wanted Pinky to follow him and tried to lead him to where he was walking but Pinky thought it was some kind of tug-o-war game and Brain got exasperated and let go of the rubber band.

Either way, Pinky doesn’t seem to mind.

��Television, Pinky, is our new tool!”

“We will pirate the airwaves and stage a hoax like ‘War of the Worlds’!”

Brain, you’re very good with that lasso. I’m impressed!

“Three cameras, Brain?”

“Yes… A technique pioneered by the great Desi Arnaz. And with them we will scare the people of the cities, leaving no resistance behind. We will have taken over the world!”

Well, Brain, that technique first being used by Desi Arnaz is a myth (it was more than likely actually pioneered by Jerry Fairbanks around 1947), but I’m going to give you a pass on this because you likely couldn’t fact check this very well at the time.

I do have to give Brain credit for being as dramatic as possible while announcing his plan, though. He really does know how to put on a show.

“Egad, Brain, brilliant!”

And Pinky is, as usual, full of praise and extremely excited about the plan. Look at him clapping and hopping around, aww… I’m starting to think that half the reason Brain goes through with these long, expository explanations of his plans to Pinky despite Pinky not quite following along a lot of the time is just to impress Pinky. Brain needs reassurance and Pinky always provides.

“Oh! Oh, wait, no, no…”

“Why would they be scared of us? We’re so small and we’re practically the size of mice, Brain.”

“We are mice, Pinky.”

“Oh, right! Well, there you are, then. Eh heh heh…”

…Okay, so, Pinky also tends to deflate the praise a bit when pointing out potential flaws in the plan like this, but it’s the initial thought that counts.

Yeah, I know, Brain. I know. But Pinky really is trying to be helpful.

“It’s not a question of size, Pinky. It’s a question of scale! Watch the monitor.”

“*gasp* Zounds, Brain! You’re gigantic!”

“Television, Pinky: The Great Deceptor!”

“Narf~…”

No, you aren’t seeing things. Pinky just…just stands there in front of the TV looking at live footage of a close-up of Brain and sighs in awe and affection while clasping his little hands together. I don’t even think I need to make a “Fellas, is it gay to--?” joke here. All that’s missing is little hearts appearing around his head.

We cut to a little while later, where the duo has everything set up for their broadcast. It looks like Pinky must have done the lettering for their props, since it actually looks decent and nothing like Brain’s scrawlings. Yes, I’m going to continue roasting Brain’s terrible penmanship. It amuses me.

“How is my disguise, Pinky?”

“OH! Is that you, Brain?!?”

“You flatter me, Pinky. Now, throw the switch and let us begin…the Battle for the Planet!”

Title drop! Also, aww. To be fair, Brain, I’m not sure Pinky was intending to be flattering so much as he was actually unsure if that really was you or not. But the fact that you took it as flattery is very telling, I think.

Pinky throws the switch, and the plan is officially underway!

According to the Animaniacs wiki, these people bear a striking resemblance to Elmyra’s family. If that’s what was intended, this is quite the early omen for the horrible “Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain” spin-off that was made after the regular PatB spin-off. I don’t think I’m going to fully cover that show in the far future. It’s not the fun kind of terrible…it’s just terrible.

Oh hey, they were watching Family Matters! Too bad this is many, many years before they could bear witness to Dark Urkle Tribute.

And there’s Ralph, enjoying coffee and a doughnut.

And…some TV station broadcast folks. It kinda bothers me that these two basically have the same model except for different hair colours.

“We interrupt your regular broadcast to bring you this important news bulletin…”

“What is that?!”

“Someone’s pirated the TV lines!”

“Scientists have just reported that a large, unidentified flying object seems to be heading towards Earth. There is no cause for alarm…”

“…But there probably will be.”

Subtle, Brain.

Oh, hi, Warners! You certainly picked a good time to escape tonight.

“We take you now to our satellite view of the planet, perhaps to catch a glimpse of this fearful courier of the unknown.”

Cue Pinky making ridiculous “shoosh” and “shoom” and “weee!~” noises. Very convincing.

“I’ve just received word that the UFO is about to crash land nearby. There should be a great explosion!”

“I said, THERE SHOULD BE A GREAT EXPLOSION!”

“Hmm? Oh! OH, right, Brain! Narf!”

Nice blep, pinky.

Somehow, people watching the broadcast are still terrified. I’ve gotta admit that I didn’t expect this plan to go this well for this long.

…Okay, maybe I spoke too soon.

“Sorry, Brain…”

“…We’ll go live to the crash site momentarily.”

He says before near-instantly cutting to the “crash site”, still in the same disguise. Brain, honey, I know you’re probably trying to reduce broadcast downtime so that the audience doesn’t start to question what they’re seeing, but you do know that quick cuts like this ruin the illusion of this being a live broadcast…right?

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he doesn’t know that. As usual, Brain has tunnel vision and expects his plans to go one certain way, and any details that don’t fit his internal narrative are discarded or not even thought about.

Just let me slide on in…

“I’m reporting to you live from the crash site and I…I’m at a loss for words. Can we get a shot of this very frightening scene?”

He’s right. That’s the most frightening…ly obvious cardboard spaceship I have ever seen.

But okay, I love these tiny prop improvisations they had to do. The bare cardboard wings taped to some kind of spray can for the body of the ship, a stray water cooler cup for the cone, test tubes for the thrusters, random little sewing pins for some kind of antenna, a dirty beige blanket to simulate soil for the crash zone… It’s so hastily cobbled together yet so goddamn cute.

Ralph still seems convinced that this is real, though that isn’t saying much.

“I am now positioned close to the…well, I can only assume that this is a vehicle from outer space, its occupants here to destroy the Earth.”

“Oooo!~ OoooOOOooo!~”

“Wait! There is a strange noise emanating from inside. Something seems to be coming out of the ship!”

They made a glove into an alien space suit with a tiny peephole to accommodate Pinky’s face and they fashioned a little belt from something for it, aaaaa! This is so adorable! Look at Pinky trying to be scary! He’s just all >:B throughout this entire scene.

BUG FOGGER

WARNING

CONTENTS UNDE

EXTREME PRESS

GAS

I’m wondering why they couldn’t label it as “bug spray”. I’ve honestly never heard of it being called “bug fogger”. Is that an American thing? (Also: Tiny sandbag wall!)

“Oh my! It’s hideous! Ladies and gentlemen, I can hardly describe this terrifying creature before me, except to say: Run for your lives! Go on! Empty the cities! Leave everything behind!”

“I…I don’t know how long I can stay on the air. I’ll try to get to our aerial view in chopper five!”

Okay, it seems even Elmyra’s family and the broadcast folks are still under the impression that this is actually happening. And Brain instantly cuts again to the aerial view. Brain, I think you’ve been watching too many movies.

“Chopper five, high above the city. The horrible creatures from Mars…invading…destroying everything in their path! Oh, the humanity!”

Since this is a still image the impact is lessened but Brain is rapidly beating his fist against his side to simulate the sound of helicopter blades and it’s actually pretty effective. Well done, lil guy, I never would’ve thought to do something like that. Your foley work is great!

The milk carton buildings still have straws in them to make chimneys! There’s little Chinese takeout boxes as buildings, too! I’m so charmed by all these quaint ways they’ve made their props.

Also, the Pinky-alien has apparently grown to kaiju size now, somehow. Brain, you’ve got to make your hoax at least a little consistent!

“This is no hoax, ladies and gentlemen. I urge you to run for your lives while you can! We’re not making this up just so we can take over the world!”

Goddamnit, Brain. You are the worst liar in the history of forever.

“Oh no! It’s heading this way! Run for your lives! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

I just thought these cowering poses Brain did were funny and cute. He is so small and vulnerable…

So Pinky starts to menace the camera itself and—

—Oops. This isn’t going to go well.

Poor, poor Pinky.

“We did it, Pinky. Brilliant performance!”

Holy shit, sincere praise from Brain! I’m sure Pinky will treasure it.

“Undoubtedly, the population has fled in fear from their ‘terrifying enemy’, HA!”

Umm. About that, Brain…

“Let us make haste…to The White House!”

Brain, you may want to at least wait a little while so that people can actually—

Ouch.

WOW, who needs Twitter in this universe when the press is this fast?

“’Battle for the Planet is a comedy smash… World laughs together. Stay home for this one!’”

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Well, I think so, Brain…but if we didn’t have ears, we’d look like weasels.”

“[sighs] No, Pinky… Our hoax…no one went anywhere! No one fled the cities! They found us…humorous.”

If it helps any, boys, I also found you incredibly adorable.

“Where are you going, Brain?”

“Back to our cage, Pinky. We must plan for tomorrow night.”

“Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night?”

I like how Pinky is at first concerned about Brain’s mood and then we he sees that Brain is just walking home to plan for tomorrow night he’s bouncing on his tip-toes after him.

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!”

TO BE CONTINUED because apparently Tumblr finds this post too long otherwise,

#Pinky and the Brain #PatB #Battle for the Planet

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iamvegorott · 4 years

Note

C... Can I request a lil blurb of Dark and Wil/Anti protecting a lesbian couple from a homophobic person trying to hurt them? I understand if it's to much 😅

“So you touch that and then spin the circle.” Anti and Dark were standing outside of a cafe in the middle of the night. Anti finally convincing Dark to play Pokemon Go with him and was teaching him how it all works.

“What do I do with the eggs?” Dark asked, watching the screen with furrowed brows.

“You put them in incubators and you hatch them with by walking.” Anti stood close to Dark and touched Dark’s phone screen, showing him where to go.

“Now I see why you Septiceyes are always out and about,” Dark commented.

“Let’s head towards that Poke-stop since it looks like it’s got a Team Rocket person on it.” Anti looped an arm through Dark’s and walked with him, knowing that Dark was going to stare at his screen instead of watching where he was going.

“I just caught a rat,” Dark said, showing Anti his phone.

“You’re going to be catching a lot of those if you go after every Pokemon you see.” Anti giggled.

“Leave us alone.” A voice filled with fear got Anti and Dark to both stop. They found that the voice came from a young woman who was sitting at a bus stop with another woman, two men standing next to them.

“I’m just saying that you don’t know until you’ve tried it.” One of the men said with a large grin. Dark and Anti didn’t need to hear anything else to catch the implication.

“Back off or I will take out my pepper spray.” The other woman said through gritted teeth, hand reaching for her bag.

“I already texted him,” Anti stated, tucking his phone into his back pocket.

“Good,” Dark said and in a blink Anti and Dark were between the men and women.

“What the fuck!?” The first man shouted in fear as the other flinched, holding his hands up in fists.

“We should be asking you that.” Dark held his hands behind his back, allowing his aura to flicker around.

“So you squeeze here and there’s the blade.” Anti was talking with the women, handing showing them how the very complicated knives he created worked. “Squeeze more and it’ll get bigger.”

“We’re just having some fun.” The first man huffed.

“Yeah, just having fun with our friends.” The second man echoed.

“I’ve been a gay man for a long, long time and I know what you were saying and why.” Dark cracked his neck and the sound made both men look like they wanted to gag. “What you were implying is ignorant, offensive, and just plain stupid.”

“It was just a joke!” The first man yelled, both men going stiff when they heard a clicking behind them. It wasn’t hard to guess what it was.

“Some things shouldn’t be joked about,” Dark stated. “I’d suggest running before my friend shows you his favorite joke.”

“Fuck, man!” The second man cursed and the two took off.

“Learn to take a hint!” Wilford called with a laugh, firing off several rounds into the air and laughing more when the men cried out.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice,” Dark said with a chuckle as Wilford fired one more round before tucking his gun away into his pants.

“Would have gotten here sooner, but I had to make sure I was presentable.” Wilford winked before facing the women. “If you gals have any more problems with those fellas, don’t be afraid to hit us up,” Wilford said and cards suddenly appeared in the women’s hands.

“We can be here in a snap.” Anti giggled as he snapped his fingers, all three of then vanishing and leaving the young women to sit alone in stunned silence as their bus pulled up.

#anon #danti #that one woman with the pepper spray would have def kicked those men's asses #but now she has a nice knife #and a lovely wife

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queerbutstillhere · 4 years

Text

For @binarystarkillers , Happy Birthday, you sweet angel!

Tim sighed, watching the sparkle of elegant gowns and the dull tones of black suits, all of them the same except for the occasional bright tones of his brothers'. Dick had picked a blue suit, easily standing out in the rest of the formal wear, Jason was wearing a black suit with a red button down, and Damian, the little shit, had gotten away with a cream suit. Somehow. He looked like a bond villian. Duke had escaped this particular event due to a bad head cold. Cass was somewhere, wearing a gorgeous high-low golden halter top gown. Bruce was also somewhere in attendance, with Selina on his arm, the two matching in their formal wear.

Tim was wearing a gray suit and a white button down, no tie, just a matching vest. He hated the gala's, he always had, but since he had become a CEO, it gotten significantly worse. People tried to smooth talk him, win him over, even seduce him. Hence why he was currently tucked away to the side by thr hors d'oeuvre, pretending he was waiting for someone while his brothers smooth talked their way through the whole party.

He had been allowed to bring a plus one, he always was, and he wanted to bring Kon, he had certainly invited the man, but Kon hadn't shown and Tim was less then amused. It wasn't like he didn't have a massive crush on him or anything. So here he was, alone, as always.

He sighed and snagged one of those little fancy people sandwiches before heading towards the bar. Maybe he could get a mocktail or something. Or convince the bartender that he was over 21 and could legally drink... Either way it'd give him something to do.

"Ah, Mr. Drake," the blonde bartender says, leaning forwards on her elbows with a smile. "The usual?"

Curse this place for hiring the same bartender as last gala. And the one before that. And the one- okay you get the point.

"Yeah," he said with a resigned sigh, stuffing his sandwich into his mouth in one bite.

Bruce would probably give him a disappointed sigh if he saw that.

"Where's your friend? The really buff one?" She asked as she shook his drink.

"Dunno."

"Oh. Did you invite the ginger then?"

"No. I invited Kon."

She hummed.

They had conversations like this a lot. She poured his drink, garnishing it with a little herb and then passing it over.

"Well do try to have some fun, and don't let Jason give you too much alcohol, okay?"

"Yeah."

She left to go serve another person who stepped up to the bar, so Tim turned around, observing the crowds, testing his skills by picking out who was already drunk, putting names to faces, such things.

And then some guy sidled up beside him.

"Hello," said a friendly sounding New York accented voice.

Tim glanced over, smiling in response and sipping his drink.

The person was probably five or so years older then Tim, brunette, but clearly dyed. He had hazel eyes, a five O'clock shadow, and was wearing a simple black suit with a dark blue tie. He leaned against the bar next to Tim.

"Timothy Drake, right?"

"That's me."

Tim switched the hand that his drink was in, turning and holding out his right one to shake.

"Eric Daly."

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Daly."

"Just Eric is fine," Eric said with a chuckle.

Tim smiled in response, noting Dick dipping the woman he had been dancing with, giving her his most charming smile. It made him want to gag. So did the heavy cologne Mr. Daly was wearing.

"Can I get you anything?" The bartender asked as she walked over.

Eric ordered himself a drink, as she started making it, she shot Tim a look that clearly said 'say the word and I'm there'. He just smiled back at her.

"How are you enjoying the gala, Mr. Drake?"

"Tim, please. And it's. . . Pleasurable."

Eric chuckled. "So you're bored. Don't worry, I grew up going to these two, I know the feeling."

"Mmm."

"My parents own the construction business in Gotham. I'm sure you can imagine how busy we've been of late, with that Batman and his companions running around."

"I take it you don't like the Batman much?"

"Well I do owe most of my inheritance to him, so I like him just fine, I suppose."

Tim turned his gaze fully to Mr. Daly, trying to decide his angle.

"But you do have to admit, the crime rate has seemed to go up with his appearance."

"You say this as if the crime rate was low before him."

"No, it wasn't, but there was a significant lack of clown themed psychopaths running around."

Tim felt himself bristle in defense of Harley, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Anyway, would you like to go dance, Tim?"

Tim glanced over to see he had somehow already drank all of his drink. So he did his duty and smiled and nodded, setting his own on the bar and adjusting his jacket slightly before following Eric to the dance floor. They danced for a few songs, talking business mostly. Eric's angle ended up being that he was trying to win over Wayne Enterprises to work with his company only, instead of the small contractors Tim had them hiring. And he hated it. He had no idea how many subtle help me looks he had sent at his brothers as he passed, but Damian, when he had made eye contact with the younger teen, had just openly laughed at him.

After about three songs, Tim suggested they go get another drink, to give himself some space from this man, so they made their way back to the bar.

"Well, all I'm saying is, we should have dinner and discuss this a little more fully-"

"Mr. Daly, I do not think you understand," Tim snapped, his harsh tone coming out more then intended. "Wayne Enterprises has no interest in working with your company, you are already stealing work from the small contracting companies, and then buying them out when they inevitably go bankrupt. We do our best at Wayne Enterprises to work with local businesses and help support the people within our city. Your company does not meet those requirements."

Eric's eyes flashed with anger for a moment before he smile politely, gently touching Tim's arm.

"Now, Tim-"

"Tim!"

Tim's head snapped to the side as he heard the familiar voice. He never once in his life felt relief faster. Walking over to him in a casual saunter was Conner Kent, wearing a dark blue suit and a black t-shirt underneath. He looked a little windblown, but still he was here.

"Kon," he said with a grin.

Conner walked over, bending slightly to pull Tim into a hug, his strong arms wrapping around his smaller friend, and immediately Tim felt safe.

"Sorry I'm so late, Lex kept drabbling on and on and kept making me change suits and finally I managed to escape with this-"

Tim chuckled, his chin tilted up awkwardly as he hugged Conner back.

"It's okay. You could've texted me though."

"I... Didn't? Damn. I blame Lex for that."

Conner stepped back, and then his eyes slid to Eric, who suddenly look awkward.

"Oh, hello."

"Oh, Conner," Tim said, neatly slotting himself in against Kon's side. "This is Eric Daly. Eric, this is Conner Kent."

"Nice to meet you," Eric said softly, looking a little intimidated.

Good.

"Yeah, you too!" Conner said in a tone that Tim knew was his false happiness. He squeezed Tim a little tighter against him.

There was an awkward pause of silence, then Conner looked down at Tim.

"I'm gonna go find your dad and let him know I made it, okay?"

"Okay. You owe me a few dances."

Confusion flashed over Conner's face for a few seconds, but when Tim glanced at Eric, he seemed to understand.

"Yeah, of course. Sorry, again. I'll be right back."

Tim grabbed Conner's lapel, pulling him down so he could kiss Conner on the cheek. "You better be."

Conner stared at him, flustered for a moment before flashing a smile and heading away. Tim felt his face heating up, but he turned back to Eric.

"So, drinks?"

"Uh, yeah," Eric said softly.

They walked back over together, and the bartender quickly made their drinks, giving Tim a few questioning glances. No sooner had they been passed over then Kon reappeared.

"I was ordered to keep you out of trouble," he said, leaning against the bar and focusing on Tim.

"Me? Trouble? If B is expecting trouble he should keep his eyes on that one," Tim said, pointing out Jason.

"He is. That's why he needs me to watch you."

"Pftt," Tim said, sipping his mocktail until it was taken from his hand.

"Ew, what is this."

"You know very well," Tim responded, snagging it back.

Eric cleared his throat, and Tim looked back at him.

"Well, it was nice talking to you, Mr. Drake. Have a good evening."

"Oh. You too, Mr. Daly!" Tim responded with a smile.

Eric made a hasty departure. Tim chuckled and looked up at Kon, who was pretty close, but that was normal for Kon.

"Thanks, you got here right in time to save me."

"Me? Save you? The world must be ending," Kon said, but he said it softly, almost sadly.

"Yeah... Anyway, you wanna go dance?"

Kon's gaze snapped over to him, looking surprised.

"Really?"

"Yeah, flyboy. I wasn't joking."

"Oh, I wasn't..."

Tim snagged Kon's big hand and pulled him away.

Fellas, is it gay to slow dance to with your best friend to an orchestra rendition of Always by Frank Sinatra? Because Tim sure hopes it is.

They made it out to the dance floor and Tim turned to Kon, reaching up to put his hand on Kon's shoulder, his other one he left in Kon's hand, just adjusted his hold slightly. Kon put his free hand on Tim's waist and they slowly started dancing, before getting in rhythm with the music and swirling around, getting deeper into the dance floor and further away from the eye of the paparazzi and media.

There was a hint of awkwardness surrounding them. They had had this weird little flirting relationship for a while now, only recently it'd gotten worse. And by that, Tim means Kon's flirting had gotten just slightly more, and Tim had actually started reciprocating. Kon had always flirted with him. Just now he actually felt things when he did it.

"So what did that creep want anyway?" Kon asked softly.

Tim glanced up to him, his face only a few inches away.

"Wanted Wayne Enterprises to pledge sole loyalty to their construction company. I told him to stuff it. Either that or he wanted in my pants. Couldn't tell you which."

"Yeah. I could."

"Are you saying you can read people better then me, Kent?"

Their heads had come together at some point, Tim's temple against Kon's cheek.

"No I'm just saying I'm better with relationships and flirty things like this."

"Are you really?"

"Yeah, Red, I am."

Tim chuckled lightly, feeling Kon's arm tighten a little more around his back and pull him in just that little bit closer. He let his eyes close, letting the music and Kon's presence wash over him. Kon smelled good. He smelled like the coast, and like the vanilla candles at Lex's. He smelled like his shampoo, old spice maybe, and a bit of cologne, and also just pure Conner Kent. And he was warm, not too hot, but warm and comforting.

"So what really kept you."

"Oh, it was actually Lex. I went to him for fashion advice, and while he had me pinned down, he decided to give me another one of his famous talks."

Tim snorted lightly, pulling away to look at Kon. He opened his mouth to respond, but Kon quickly interrupted.

"Don't hit me."

And then his lips were on Tim's.

Tim froze, his hand tightening in Kon's jacket as his body screamed for directions on how to respond. Hit him? Kiss him back? Flip him? No! Don't flip him.

Tim quickly decided on kissing him back, the hand on his shoulder sliding up to his neck. They stopped dancing, just stood there kissing gently. Tim pulled away first, feeling his face heating up, even as butterflies fluttered in his heart. Did this mean?

"Was that okay?"

"Was?" Tim paused, staring at Kon for a moment. "Why didn't you do that earlier, dumbass?"

Kon laughed brightly. Around them, the world went on, rich couples still danced around them, in fact, Tim spotted Dick twirl past, and caught a smirk from him, but he decided to ignore that.

"Guess I wasn't brave enough before."

Tim scoffed. "You, not brave enough?" He asked as he pulled Kon back into a dance.

"Yeah, sometimes I get scared, Timmy. Scared of losing people I love."

Tim hummed as once again his forehead came to rest against Kon's cheek. It was a good way to hide how red his face was. He felt like butterflies had taken residence in his chest, he felt like he was on top of the world, he felt like he could face off with any villian in the world and come out on top. He felt indestructible, because Kon had just kissed him. Which probably meant he liked him back.

They danced for a while before Tim's feet started getting tired. But he didn't want to stop. Kon was a good dancing partner, he never stepped on toes, and he was happy to lead. Happy to let Tim lean against him as they swayed. But Tim had another idea. He snagged Kon's hand and they snuck out, out to the gardens out the back of the venue. It was too cold right now for the gardens to be a good place for people, but Tim was more cold adapted then most people. He glanced around to make sure no one would see them and then pointed up. Kon caught his meaning and picked him up easily, taking him up to the roof. They sat down on the edge of it the cement part, Tim pressed into Kon's side. He closed his eyes and let his head rest against Kon's neck.

"Thanks for coming, Kon."

"Yeah," Kon said, and Tim could hear his smile.

"And for rescuing me."

"From Daily?"

"Daly."

"Right. And you're welcome."

Silence fell over them, but it was nice and comfortable and Tim didn't want to leave Kon's presence.

"How much trouble would you get in if we just left?"

"What?"

"How mad would your dad be if I just picked you up and we went back to the manor?"

Tim considered his options. Stay here with snotty rich people. Go home with Kon. He pulled out his phone and shot a quick text to the family group chat informing them that he was leaving. Kon grinned, and once they stood, he easily picked Tim up again. A quick flight later, they plopped down at the manor front door.

"Is it locked?" Kon asked, walking up and eyeing the door.

"Probably."

Kon smiled and reached out, barely touching the lock, eyes closed for a moment. And then he pushed the door open.

"You know I have a key, right?"

"But Tim, my T-"

"Don't say it."

Kon scowled at him. They went to the kitchen, raided snacks and then went up to Tim's room, ditching fancy clothes and climbing into bed. Tim turned on a movie on his laptop and they just sat there for a while, before Tim glanced up and found Kon's gaze on him.

"What?" He asked softly.

"You're really beautiful, Tim."

"What?" He gasped out.

Kon smiled. "You are. You are absolutely gorgeous."

Tim pouted slightly. "I'm not."

"Yes, you are. From your beautiful skin, to your cute nose, and your gorgeous eyes? God," Kon breathed the last word out, shaking his head slightly.

Tim's cheeks heated up and he ducked his head, pointedly avoiding Kon's eyes.

"Tim," Kon said with a slight chuckle.

"What?"

"Are you getting flustered?"

"No."

"Liar."

Kon pulled on his arm, and Tim squeaked as he was tugged sideways lightly. He went to adjust and made the mistake of glancing up at Kon, who quickly ducked his head and caught Tim's lips in another soft kiss. He found himself adjusting to face Kon fully to avoid breaking the soft contact. His hands came up to cup Kon's face, while the half-kryptonian's landed on his hip and waist.

"So I'm really assuming this means you also have romantic feelings towards me," Kon murmured lightly after pulling away.

Tim huffed and swatted his chest. "Jackass!"

Kon laughed and pulled Tim to him until he was sat sideways in his lap.

"Sorry sorry, I just had to check."

Tim shook his head slightly in amazement at his dumbass friend. "Yes, you dork. I like you."

"Okay, that'd a relief. Because I'm pretty far gone, myself."

Tim scoffed, looking up at him. Immediately a smile took over his face.

"So are you gonna ask me out or what?"

"Oh, I have to do the asking?'

"Yes you do."

"You're the rich kid!"

"Literally so are you."

"Okay but technically I'm not supposed to use Lex's money."

"He's rich, Kon, he probably won't even notice if you don't a million dollars, let alone the like fifty to a hundred dollars it costs to take someone on a date."

Kon scoffed lightly, then shook his head.

"Fine fine." There was a pause. "Tim, would you wanna go on a date with me?"

"I'd be absolutely pleased too."

Kon laughed, and just because he could, leaned down and kissed Tim again.

"I'm glad."

#happy birthday Em!#i love you #and i hope this birthday is everything you want it to be #and even more #timkon #tim drake #conner kent #drabble #queerbutstillhere #queerbutstillhere writes

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