#felt like somewhere else
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Good news: the mark's gone forever and I have a new semi-temporary tattoo. Also my soul actually took the change instead of immediately turning back to its 'save state'.
Bad news: I'm not sure what I expected from being digitized but my vague assumptions didn't originally involve that much screaming.
#Precursor to the tag rant: I'm mostly fine now and I'm not alone so don't worry too much.#It's different. From. Going to the astral plane.#My body disappears. I can see it disappear. I can feel it disappear.#And then it doesn't. Exist#My soul didnt exist#I didnt exist#just numbers in a box#I couldn't feel it. My soul. Any part of it. Any spark or nerve at all#couldnt breathe couldnt even try#i forgot where i was for a minute.#felt like somewhere else#apparently i wasn't supposed to be awake in there#..the AI helped but. It was. Hard to focus.#With my thoughts. Drifting. Like that.#Thankfully the alteration was. Really simple. Once I calmed down enough I got it done quickly.#And got. My soul back. Started to exist again.#I probably should've. Prepped better for this. Emotionally.#Or at least gone with someone.#Oof.#Still deeply grateful for the technology but of course I'm going to have the worst possible time with every otherwise cool thing.#And now I'm coping with cuddling in a nest. So it's mostly fine.#It's fine.#No Strings (ic)
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What if the lights randomly turn on one day? Like someone buys the studio and as a result with paying electricity bills and what not they just turn on so they can clean up but onstead find wally, frank, howdy, and poppy just 🧍🏻🧍🏻🐛🦩
local puppets get Flashbanged
#im sorry this is. Hysterical to me#some dude: huh i wonder what this switch does#four puppets somewhere else: diving under tables and screeching#their poor felted eyes....#i can so clearly imagine them fumbling around squinting So Hard#its like the reverse of waking up in the dark and its arguably Worse#ouch...#scribble salad#wh lights out au#Obviously This Is Not Au-Canon#but its very funny. im laughing!#internally!
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just realized domi’s backpack & trent’s shirt are from the same brand and have the same design😂 they really are true soulmates
#true soulmates because they have the same odd taste in clothing & accessories#was looking at trent’s summer posts and felt like i’d seen that ugly pattern somewhere else before#at least they look good in it#trent alexander arnold#trent#dominik szoboszlai#szobo#liverpool fc#lfc
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music is so wild with a really broken memory. I listened to an entire song I didn't recognize the name of and followed the rhythm almost exactly. that's so cool
#I vaguely remembered the start and was like hmmm lemme see how much of this one I know and it just came to me#my only guess as to when I was listening to it was somewhere in 2014-2018....? maybe somewhere in there but idk when#idk it was so cool bc it felt like someone else was going to the rhythm for me
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So what you‘re saying is that the Archive might be down for weeks?
Do you even realise how much pain I will experience if it isn’t back up when GO2 airs?
#i mean it might be good to… idk focus on writing but… yeah we‘ll see…#ao3 is down#good omens 2#i wanted to read Star Trek fanfic today ffs#ao3#good omens#Is this what people felt like during lockdown when they couldn’t go out to party or whatever?#i could read somewhere else but… do I really want to?
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lil extras for the free day
#witch hat tag#orufrey#orufreyweek2023#gotta put these silly things here now 🤦♂️ cause the remaining prompt to catch up is not a happy one so it should go somewhere else..#didnt end up doing anything that pushed my limits after all..but that's ok. since i've felt pretty depressed lately this week was my treat#i def feel like i get less likes & RTs overall on twt recently even tho my followers increase. are ppl sick of my stuff ?? :')#but i myself feel pretty ok about my art atm...so i guess it's fine. my fics have never gotten the hits/kudos i've ever hoped for#so i've accepted that this is how it is for me. i see LOTS of ppl stress about that kinda stuff and i don't wanna be like that..#i'll just keep on keeping on. creating has been pretty satisfying lately when im NOT depressed abt other stuff#and i do get fulfilling comments <3
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only just processed that luca added the flames to the colander helmet...implicitly b/c of alberto’s “also i added flames” dream vespa design alteration...
#like evidence afterwards that someone was paying real attention even when at the time the other party felt ignored / tuned out....So sweet.#which also my audhd life experiences like. if i learn anyone ever absorbed anything i said it's like oh whoa living large lmao#anyways the point is it only occurred to me the other day lol. like i'd noticed the flames but just didn't piece anything else together#i Love how many like. threads & details you Can piece together like that but are just kind of quietly in the bg otherwise#and fun how everything luca needs for the race is definitely like Somewhere Underwater...colander fell in the sea...bike by the sunken boat#god knows what color situation i fumbled my way into here. so the classic spin of just like Also there's more stripped down versions#who knows if i'll like do more of a full color approach version. they can't stop you. nor stop you from just posting lineart#or stop me from going off the walls w/their tail lengths lol#luca#luberto#lucalberto#😚😚😚#fish freckles you are everything to me...#eta not me forgetting to save the [solid bg color]less pngs as transparent....i was up all night#didn't help w/the color selecting that i'm bad at anytime lol#ok hopefully now they're actually transparent#smhhh now i've realized i forgot a little line to indicate webbing betwixt alberto's fingers there#not as big a deal as how i ALMOST forgot to include any of their arm/leg fins. i'll fix it if i do the [full coloring] deal lol. imagine it#yet another eta: occurs to me i could've made alberto purpler & the bg blue. well;
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how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?
#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk......#god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours#but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk#i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her#and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk#and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights#all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then)#so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place#but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet)#we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else#she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly#and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning#also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too#so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling#my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away#there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground#i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too#after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal#all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours#we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up#my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt#idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max#we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little#i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened#anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety#or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow#i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure#yeah.........#maca speaks
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So i had a dream last night which wasn't a nightmare and i even remember most of it! which is super exciting. I barely ever remember dreams that are just simply that so this is a fairly rare occasion for me.
It was weird tho
But it was.. i don't even know what it was so let me ramble about it in the tags a bit
#there was this bioluminescent and also biotoxic creature in a city at night#it was bipedal sort of humanoid shaped but with definitive deep sea features#it had that transparent skin and flesh and body with bioluminescing highlights#which i have no idea how it worked because the entire dream took place in a city enviroment on very much dry land but it's a dream innit#the face was definitely not human more a jumble of fishy features#it was gorgeous btw in a humanoid monster sort of fascinating way#it had this weird feel to it that it's something very old that should not be here now.. some sort of reminiscence of a bygone era#i might try to draw it but i don't know how successful i'd be to be honest#anyway so i was part of a group (don't know what kind exactly) and i never seen any of them i just knew they existed#and there was this innate knowledge that the creature was kind of hunting or more like luring us but we also were hunting it#i don't know if it did something to us before or we just had this unexplainable pull towards it but we definitely were fixated on it#and it was supposed to be a big threat even just by existing and walking around but also would have been bad if it was dead#but i don't know why was it so bad because the “toxicity” of the creature wasn't lethal it just made you stuck in a blissful delirious stat#just by being too close to it and which in most cases would fade when it moved away so the other alternative felt way worse#cuz if it would die something else would have gotten loose which would have been worse than the delirium#it was some sort of unstoppable deadly madness i think.. at least that was what i felt the dream eluded to#and i think we wanted to neutralize it somehow but we had no idea how to avoid disaster that surely would come if it dies#but it would have also revitalize nature on a basically divine scale by giving it's body back to it so there was this dilemma the whole tim#but none of us would have any answers so we just followed this inner draw regardless of the uncertainty#and the entire dream was basically us lureing the creature somewhere but simultaniously it was somehow luring us in as wel#to the same spot#it was a vast moonlit fieald outside of city bounds surrounded with tall dark trees and the sky was littered with stars#and a sharp cliff to one side#so we arrived there and we were standing on opposite sides and look towards each other#but looking into the creatures eyes literally woke me up#there was a noise it made and i know i understood it as words inside the dream but i can't remember what it was after waking just the noise#and that was it#it wasn't long i think tho it felt that way
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Actually I'm not done talking about the Doctor Who Special what do you mean you included a shot of the Doctor lowering a little ramp demonstrating that the TARDIS was now wheelchair accessible but not a shot of Shirley actually going inside.
#Like did that read as odd to anyone else?#“Oh we have this accessibility feature but we will not actually show the character getting to use it.”#I mean that whole scene felt rushed so maybe they cut some scene of her going inside for time#But some cynical part of me wonders if they included that but didn't adjust the doorframe making that shot impossible#There's a metaphor in there somewhere.#doctor who special#doctor who 60th anniversary#doctor who#doctor who: the giggle#shirley anne bingham
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Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).
I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-
Her face before she flies off---
She looks so heartbroken and sad.
#emmodii rambles#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate series#lae'zel#spoilers#i don't regret my choices and i do love a good angsty story. but at the same time... OOF.#may you find a new source of joy in the astral realm my queen :'(#for anyone curious- i played a githyanki which i heard is the only race that can fly off with her or something?#but well. again- didn't quite fit my character to have someone else turn instead pfffft#ALSO HE'S A CLERIC OF ILMATER AND A REDEEMED DARK URGE. self-sacrifice is kiNDA TO BE EXPECTED HAHAHA.#anyway- do give romancing lae'zel a shot guys. she may be a hardass at first but it's really because she cares a lot#also slightly off-topic but as a dark urge gith... durge grew up in a city so like. wonder how out of place they woulda felt with the#other githyankis anyway. i think i read somewhere that a gith durge realises they don't really feel connected to creches and stuff#which is interesting and makes me curious about how exactly they were made. cuz they have the traits and knowledge of the race but didn't#grow up with them. i guess the easiest answer would be 'god magic shenanigans' but STILL.#trust me to overthink things hahaha XD#if anyone's curious what happened to my guy in the end--- we followed wyll and karlach to avernus hahaha#what are the devils gonna do? steal the soul we don't have?? TRY IT BITCH#of course i did reload multiple times to have my character kill himself. because that was another option that felt possible for his charact#...and also because i wanted to see how companions would react to it. krewfjewlkrjewklrjewl- although the narration for durge suicide#is also quite interesting! of course maybe that's just me being mentally ill eff (/lh) but having a kill that isn't going to murder daddy?#gives a redeemed durge some control and a final say at last. which is still sad but a nice way to tie up their death methinks#ANYWAY- time to go find a way to convert him into a full-on OC. elves and dwarves are one thing but giths are blatantly dnd so i'mma have#to figure that out for my own story lore and universe--- some kinda new species? humanify him? or convert to another existing general speci#hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmm-
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So there's a fic, right,
Fan art for Dramaturgy: Standard by @team-frightfur of Chapter 33
#arc v#Yuto arc v#I'm not sure if I need to tag this for anything so if I do. pls let me know#Drawing the Lad without a sketch layer was easier than I thought but maybe I'm getting used to him?#Honestly it could also be because I didn't bother with many details =v=;;#he's missing some headcanon details but. it's for someone else's fic. putting my headcanons in felt weird#no star eye for you I guess#though I don't think the yellow/purple highlights in Yuto's eyes count for this either (they're for Zarc reasons anyway)#I feel like I'm actually missing blood somewhere but I can't think where. hrm#ArtOMarw
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𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪
#im so sick of living in a religious house :((#im sure its the reason for almost all my mental health problems and i cant even discuss it#i wanna respect my religion sm bc my familys believes in it sm but idk how long id be able to take it#i dont even realize how completely drained and numb ive become until im not at home#i have a pretty house loving mom and dad and three siblings and yet ive never felt so alone#its like i dont even know the girl who lives here#she feels nothing she reacts at nothing even talking feels like a chore to her#honestly i miss myself#i miss everything about me#religious values stupid expectations the constant judgment and need to mold me into something#im so tired of it 😭😭#i just wanna live plsss#i dont know when my life will even begin#when will i have a life that’s my own??#without a thousand ppl weighing it down#no one here lets me live 😭😭#sometimes i wish id get kidnapped or smth#or id get lost#but i dont wanna hurt my mom and dad i love them sm!!#every night i hope to wake up somewhere else in a pretty fairytale <33#im sure it’ll happen someday!!#sometimes im so sure itll happen the next day but it hasn’t yet…#i believe in magic and miracles#but sometimes the constant negativity of my home weighs me down so much :((#i know i just have to keep believing to escape!!#maybe my hope isn’t strong enough yet but i know it will be someday!!#ik id one day wake up in a cute life <3#i try so hard to be happy here but ughh sometimes i need to rant#daphnie rambles 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪
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thinking about chara and the implications of the line "chara hated humanity. why, they never said..." like ok i KNOW something was happening at home. chara baby you didn't deserve that shit i'm so glad you fell down a thousand feet in a cave hole and right into the arms of people who would keep you fed roof over your head and would never raise their hand against you. "eradicate humanity" you're 10 years old how about eradicating your shitfucked surface fam by calling cps first
#soda.txt#chara#(ok idk if this will work but LEEEENGTHY discussion of child abuse below)#ok listen hear me out on this- i know the initial interpretation is a sui attempt WHICH I ALSO AGREE WITH- BUT LISTEN#i believe there was something else going on leading to the whole ''eradicate humanity'' bit and the obvious answer is an unsafe homelife#well. at least for me.#being around people (or perhaps adults) who hurt you and make you feel unsafe in a place where you should be welcomed with open arms and-#a promise of care would probably make any child feel like all of humanity was (in simple terms) cruel and uncaring#so hearing about somewhere they could GET AWAY FROM THAT? of course they'd take that opportunity and run.#chara was just lucky enough to fall into a place that pulled them out of the ideology of ''all of humanity is cruel''#because the dreemurrs were kind and patient enough to take them in and give them a new family#and wouldn't anyone want that?#for the part of The Plan (the buttercups) i think.. i think that one was formed by the idea that chara felt obligated to-#pay the dreemurrs back for their kindness. not that the dreemurrs would have made them. just by their own mental code.#what better way to pay a kind family back- one that took you in and cared for you like one of their own- then by forming a plan to-#set their people free?#they've been stuck down there for so long. they've wanted to feel the sun for SO LONG. why not give yourself up to grant that dream?#idk if these thoughts are coherent. LOL sorry i kinda just started saying words huh#but its ok.#feel free to ask me questions ab my interp of chara btw teehee ^_^ i love talking about chara they're my favorite theyre so silly#ok now for the proper tags on this bitch#chara undertale#chara dreemurr#child abuse mention#suicide mention#tw child abuse#safeutdr#OH ANALYSIS TAG UHHH UMM#🧪lab notes
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Who up and wanna take me out back and shoot me rn
#anybody else having like the worst fucking night of all time or just me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m at the end of my rope !!!#I can’t take this shit anymore!!! (continues to take it)#first I go to help someone give her cat it’s FIP treatment and got bit like 14 times and then I went to the ER#and then it was super crowded and I felt like I was overreacting so I left#even tho I know I wasn’t lol I have enough experience with this shit to know this is bad#and then coming home I almost got in a fucking head on collision#and then got a message about a dead cat someone had hit and left on the side of the road#so I had to go get it and take it 20 minutes away to the emergency vet to be cremated#and the cat had clearly been recently pregnant which means there are kittens somewhere dying without her#so I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow and try to find them if they’re still alive#which means I’m gonna have to deal with the homeowners#fuck!!!!!!!#and that’s IF I’m not back in the ER in the morning if these bites get infected#like her teeth hit the bone in my finger lol#I might um. kill myself. idk#personal
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i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/
#stop it......#i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take#i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in.......#ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday#each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy#selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need#standing all day long just fucking bored#hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in#ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day#when nothing new ever happens#and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either#i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling#and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me#i walk there i stand all day and i walk home#that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like.#i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in#if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy#but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot#idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do#there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits#and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future#so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless.#sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol#all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that
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