#fix it fiction etc etc

[uefb]

Chapter 4 of my post-SoD, semi-historical fiction Fantastic Beasts fic is up, With It’s Head Under One Wing.

Today, Newt puts a former DRCMC colleague in his place, Theseus tries to apologize for a clumsy reaction, and Newt and Theseus discover…autism. Next, we’ll see Newt dealing with a Quentiped, and then a sweet Tina chapter or two before we’re hurtled into the startling appointment of Germany’s new chancellor. (All while Grindelwald is, you know, still somewhere.)

Excerpt:

Newt stood there, processing for a moment, before dropping a hand into the pocket he’d been picking at to play with one of the loose strings inside.

“You came here just to tell me sorry? In person?”

Theseus nodded and shifted slightly on his feet.

“It’s all right. You were very helpful with your information–”

Theseus cut him off. “Newt.”

“It is, though,” he said again. “I did it once, to a hippogriff, when I thought he was – After a storm and he'd been – Well, the details don't matter. But I forgot my manners, despite the hippogriffs’ nature, and we were both quite upset by that in the end."

Theseus looked at Newt for a long moment, and Newt watched Theseus (eyes fixed on the minute crinkles between his brother’s eyes), and then he turned away to retrieve a pair of mugs.

“I forgot that you startle,” Theseus said from behind him. “I’ve accepted that you don’t like to be touched, even if it took me a long time—far too long, really—to stop forcing it on you.”

Newt could hear the unspoken confusion in his brother’s voice.

“At the same time, you’re different than you were when we were kids, you know? More sure. And you handle those beasts like nothing at all.”

Newt cracked his knuckles before unscrewing the lid from the can of Gunpowder tea and—without turning around—he flicked his wand over his shoulder, toward the teapot he kept on the built-in shelf above the sink.

“Newt?”

The teapot floated past Theseus’ head just as Newt turned back around, open can in his hands.

“I have more field data now,” he said simply.

Theseus stared, and then jerkily readjusted so one hand was in his pocket and the other on his hip, leaning slightly forward with furrowed brows as if being closer to Newt would help him better understand the meaning behind his words.

“Field – What?”

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

[rotisseries]

I'm so unbelievably susceptible to the famous secret relationship trope it's unreal actually

[ranger-kellyn]

i say this as someone who has been working on taking this to heart as well, but like......babes....y'all have GOT to let go of the need to have your art is interpreted exactly as you intended it to be. you're fighting a losing battle. nobody, literally NOBODY. will interpret it exactly as you intended it to. that's the beauty of art!

stop needing to control every little thing!! let people interpret it how they want!! even if it's the exact opposite of your own intention!

and i know this is easier said than done, but stop stressing about the bad faith takes as well!!! that says way more about them than it ever will about you!!! block and move the fuck on. or turn off comments! most places let you do that now.

if you're literally so pressed about someone interpreting your art "wrong", you should probably just use geocities or something else and make your own website to host your work, or just stop posting on such public websites in the first place. you will never be able to control how people interpret things, so stop stressing about things you literally have no control over.

[malewifehenrycooldown]

please take the time to comprehend my very ridiculous mugen roster. yes. there is so many iori edits don't question it.

[crimeronan]

i've seen a couple people in the notes of this very good post about fictional polyamory by @thebibliosphere say things along the lines of "oh, i've been doing it wrong :(" or "how do i know if i did this right??" or "i should probably give up and start over, i wrote this badly :(" and. no!!!!

(i AM seeing far MORE people say "oh, this clarified and helped me so much, i think i know how to fix issues i've been having with my own story" which. YES!!!!)

listen. if you're a monogamous person who's writing a polyamorous relationship, and you've been focusing mainly on The Triad and All Three Together All The Time as the endgame, that's literally fine. that's a perfectly acceptable and strong starting point for your plotting, imo. you do not need to give up on a story that you've started like this.

but the things discussed in the post Can and Should improve your execution!

you can keep the same plot beats and overall relationship arc 100%. polyamorous relationships are infinite in their formations, every one is unique. "basically a monogamous romance but with three people" Does exist, as a relationship type. you're not hashtag Misrepresenting (TM) poly people with it

BUT i do think it will help to read up on some poly people talking about how their relationships Differ from monogamous ones.

so i have outlined some basic important concepts about polyamory.

MORE IMPORTANTLY though, i've broken down some questions that you can answer throughout the writing process to strengthen your individual dyad relationships, your individual characterization, & your characters' individual feelings/experiences. this is a writing resource have fun

future kitkat butting in to say i spent over two hours writing this and it definitely needs a readmore. it is also NOT comprehensive. but everything should be pretty simple to follow! feel free to reblog if you find it helpful yourself or just want to reward me for how gotdan long this took KSLDKFJKDL.

i've grabbed quick links for a couple of the important concepts, some have SEO pitches in them but the info largely seems to be good. (if i missed anything Egregiously Gross on these sites i should be able to update the links with better ones later, since they're under the readmore.)

sidenote: this is NOT meant to be overwhelming, despite the length. if you can't read all of this, that's Okay. you do not need to give up on your writing.

here we go:

compersion!

compersion is a BIG thing in a lot of polyamorous relationships. it's joy derived from seeing two (or more) of your partners happy together, or joy derived from seeing your partner happy with someone else.

compersion is really important as a concept because it highlights that every individual relationship within a polycule is different -- and that that's a GOOD thing. it's sort of the inverse of jealousy.

by the "inverse of jealousy," i mean that instead of feeling left out and upset and possessive, you feel happy/joyous/content.

i can use personal experience as an example: it's a Relief for me when my partners receive joy/support/sex/romance/etc that i can't (or prefer not to) give them. and i love seeing my partners make each other laugh and be silly together.

it's 100% okay for a poly triad not to be together 100% of the time, it doesn't mean that the third member is being left out or not treated equally when two people do things alone together.

(i have individual dates with my partners all the time! PLUS larger 3-and-4-person date nights.)

if the third member DOES feel jealous or left out, then the polycule can have a conversation to figure out what needs/wants aren't being met, and solve that. this happens semi-regularly in my polycule, as it will happen in any relationship (including monogamous ones)! it's just part of being an adult, sometimes you have to talk about feelings.

metamours!

a metamour is someone who is dating your partner, but ISN'T dating you. this may not be relevant for people writing closed three-person romantic sexual triads, but it's a super helpful term to know.

the linked article also lists different types of metamour relationships with some fun phrasing i hadn't heard before. the tl;dr is: sometimes you'll be domestic cohabitation friends, sometimes you'll be buddies with your own friendship, sometimes you might not interact much outside of parties, every relationship is different.

there's no one-size-fits-all requirement for metamour relationships. sometimes polyamorous people will end up dating their metamour after a while (has happened to me), sometimes polyamorous people will break up with one partner for normal life reasons, but remain friendly metamours.

the goal of polyamory is NOT for EVERYONE to fall in love. it is 100% okay if this happens in your story, it happens in real life too! but it is also 100% okay for characters to be metamours without ever becoming "more than friends."

(sidenote: try to kill any internalized "more than" that you have when it comes to friendship. friends are just as important and special and vital as partners.)

of course there are a million ways for messiness to occur with metamours within a complex polycule, exactly like with close-knit platonic friend groups. however this post is not about that! there's enough "here's how polyamory can go wrong" stuff out there already, so i'm focusing on the positives here :)

open versus closed polyamorous relationships!

i'm struggling to find an online article that reflects my experience without directly contradicting at least SOME stuff. so i'll give a quick rundown

google has a bunch of conflicting definitions of open relationships and whether open relationships are different from polyamory. the general consensus seems to be that an open relationship prioritizes one partnership (often a marriage), but that each partner can have extraneous flings or long-term commitments (most often sexual in nature).

this is not typically how i use the term wrt polyamory. the poly concept is pretty simple. a closed polyamorous relationship is one with boundaries like a monogamous one. there are multiple partners in the polycule, but they are not interested in having anybody new join said polycule.

an open polyamorous relationship tends to be more flexible -- it just means that IF someone in the polycule develops mutual feelings for a new person, it's fine for them to become part of said polycule if they want to! the relationship/person is open to newcomers.

some groups will need to negotiate this all together, others will just go "haha, you kids have fun." just depends on the individuals!

with open AND closed polyamorous relationships, the most important thing is making sure that there's respectful communication and that everyone is on the same page. but there's no one-size-fits-all way to do that.

i wish i could give you guys a prescriptive "You Must Do It This Way" guide, but that's.... basically the opposite of what polyamory is about, HAHA.

feelings for multiple people!

i was gonna tack this on to the previous section but decided it warranted its own lil bit.

a defining feature (....i'm told?) of monogamous relationships is that a monogamous person only has feelings for One individual at a time. they only want a relationship with one individual at a time. or, if they DO have feelings for multiple people simultaneously, they're still only comfortable dating one person at a time & being exclusive with that one person.

this is perfectly fine!

the poly experience is generally different from this. but once again..... polyamorous people all have different individual perspectives on this.

for me, i have never been able to draw hard boxes around romantic vs sexual vs platonic relationships, & i love many people at once. my personal polycule lacks many strict definitions beyond "these are my chosen people, i want to forge a life with them indefinitely, whatever shape that life takes"

some poly people feel explicit romantic or sexual attraction to multiple people at once, some poly people feel almost no romantic or sexual attraction at all. i'd say that MOST poly people feel different things for different partners, which is not a bad thing!

some poly people are even monogamous-leaning -- they have just chosen one romantic partner who is themselves part of a larger polycule. (so this monogamous-leaning person has at least one metamour!)

or alternatively, they might have one romantic partner AND a qpr, or other ways of defining relationships. (this is a factor in my own polycule!)

i made this its own point because if you're writing a straightforward triad, this is unlikely to come up in the story itself -- but it's worth thinking about how your characters develop/handle feelings outside of their partnerships.

like, is this sort of a soulmateship, 'these are the only ones for me' type deal? in which they won't fall in love with anyone else, and can be fairly certain of that?

that's pretty close to typical monogamous standards but you Can make it work. just be thoughtful with it

alternatively, can you see any of these characters falling in love Again after the happily-ever-after? and how would the triad approach it, if so? what would they all need to talk about beforehand, and what feelings would everybody have about the situation?

it's worth considering these questions even if the hypothetical will never feature in your actual canon, because knowing the answers to these questions will help you understand all of the individuals & their relationship(s) MUCH better.

i've been typing this for nearly two hours and there's a lot more i COULD say because... there's just a lot to say. i'll close out with some quick questions that you can ask yourself when developing the dyad dynamics within your triad

first, take a page and create a separate section for each individual dyad. then answer these questions for every pair:

how does each pair act when alone?

how do they act differently alone compared to when they're with their third partner?

are there any elements of this dyad (romantic, sexual, financial, domestic, etc) that these two people DON'T have with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

are there any boundaries or hard limits within this dyad that aren't shared with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

partner 3 goes out of town alone for a few weeks. what are the remaining two doing in their absence?

(doesn't have to be anything special, it's just to get a sense of how the two interact on a day-by-day basis without the third there)

what is something that each partner in the dyad admires about the other -- that they DON'T necessarily see in the third partner?

what problem do These Two Specifically need to solve in the story before their relationship will work?

how is that problem DIFFERENT from the problems being solved within the other two dyads?

doing this for ALL THREE dyads is VITAL imo. that way, you develop complex and nuanced and different relationships that all have unique dynamics.

those questions should be enough to get you started, i hope

then After you've charted the differences in relationships, you can start to jot down similarities in the overarching triad. what does one person admire in Both of their partners? what are activities that all three like to do together? what are boundaries or discussions that all three share?

but the main goal is to figure out how to Differentiate each relationship!

a polycule is only as strong as the individual relationships within it. if two people are struggling with their own relationship, adding a third person won't fix that.

(UNLESS the third person is the catalyst for those two to, like, Actually Communicate And Work Their Shit Out. i just mean that the old adage of "maybe if we just add a third-" works about as well to fix a miserable non-communicative marriage as, uh, "maybe if we have a baby-")

AND FINALLY.

if you're not sure whether your poly romance reads organically to poly people, you can hire a sensitivity reader with poly experience. if you can't afford that, you can read up on polyamorous resources like a glossary of terms & articles actually written by poly people. (and stories written by poly people!)

you can also just.... ask poly people questions, if they're open to it. i like talking about polyamory and my own relationships so you're welcome to send asks if u want, i just can't guarantee i'll answer bc my energy levels fluctuate a lot and i don't always have time.

polyamorous people are in an uphill battle for positive representation right now & so the LAST thing i want to see is authors giving up on their stories bc they're worried about getting things Wrong. well-meaning and positive stories that treat this kind of love as normal, healthy, & aspirational are So So So Needed. even if you guys end up with some funky-feeling details.

seriously, if you're monogamous then you probably don't have a full idea of Just How Nasty a lot of people can get about polyamory. i wish it DIDN'T mean so much for you guys to want to write nice stories about us, but it does mean a lot. and it means a lot that you want to do it WELL.

in conclusion. this is not a prescriptive guide, it's just a way to raise questions. and also, you all are doing FINE.

[agdistis-sanctified]

Tagged by @thehobbitwithstickyuppyhair !

slow burn and love at first sight // fake dating or secret dating // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there is only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt-comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // canon-compliant or fix-it // reincarnation or character death // one shot and multi chapter // kid fic or roadtrip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or middle-aged romance // time travel and isolated together // neighbours or roommates // sci-fi au or magic au // body swap or gender bend // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

Tagging anyone who wants to be tagged; been a while since I’ve been active and am not sure who all is still here / etc. <3

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

masterlist and important info

here we are, folks. 💕

hyunjins-orange-slice 2.0! i was forced to make a new blog, so i will be reposting all of my works from the original hyunjins-orange-slice here. and some new things im working on!

🚨THIS IS AN 18+ ONLY BLOG🚨

ageless and blank blogs will be blocked, no questions asked. (if you have fixed the issue, or feel you have been blocked unfairly, send a DM to @secret-orange-slice )

everything posted here is fiction and in no way represents stray kids in reality

my requests are open- the only rules i have are: i only write for skz, no noncon and no pregnancy, and nothing illegal. i reserve the right to deny any request for any reason. if i don’t answer your request, it means im not comfortable with it or i just haven’t got to it yet. feel free to send me a message for clarification. :)

im not on a posting schedule, i just post when it feels right.

please be kind and respectful. 💕

Regally Smitten Masterlist

FLUFF

chan:

domestic drabble

thank you (another domestic drabble)

am i even your bias? (3racha drabble)

his princess (my first ever tumblr post)

confessions (fake text)

random texts with bf chan

asking bf chan if he would save you from zombies (texts, request)

when a song makes him think of you (texts)

reacting to jjam mv (texts)

random texts with daddy chan (ddlg, princess)

'connected' (chan series)

chapter one chapter two chapter three chapter four chapter five

chapter six

chapter seven

changbin

when changbin misses you (texts)

jeongin

fake texts noona request

minho

the color? he’s lame (texts, minho confession, request)

seungmin

random texts with bf seungmin

felix

random texts with bf felix

ot8

do you still love me? (text)

more jeongin and seungmin texts

ANGST

minho drabble (idk if this is “angst” it’s just sad) hyunjin drunk argument hyunjin drunk argument part2

i’m not your fucking dad (fake texts, chan breakup)

toxic chan being jealous (texts)

jisung when he’s distant because of work (texts, happy ending, request)

stop banging on the door (chan, texts)

chan confesses after you get caught with changbin (texts)

han confesses after catching you with minho (texts, request)

jeongin confesses and hyunjin confesses (texts, request)

stop hanging out with my family (hyung line, texts, request)

baby you’re a blessing (texts, jeongin angst)

jealous skz when someone pays for your food (texts, request)

jealous skz from above part 2 (texts)

jealous changbin texts (request)

HURT/COMFORT

chan

untitled

i can’t stand to see you cry

nightmare

texts when you’re anxious about a date

texts bsf chan (who may be in love with you) when your boyfriend isnt being a good boyfriend

what daddy chan says to comfort you

when you cancel plans because you’re feeling insecure (texts)

when your period is close (texts)

han

if you’re feeling it, then it’s valid (texts, request)

hyunjin

here’s the plan (period request)

untitled (eating disorder comfort)

felix

my wittle pookie wookie bear

changbin

texts when you injure yourself at the gym (request)

changbin confesses after you’re stood up (texts, request)

seungmin

texts bsf seungmin when you have a bad breakup

when you tell him you have anxiety

SMUT 18+

chan

his good girl, always (my favorite piece i’ve done) safe word (hard dom chan)

sleepy morning drabble

kissing (short oral drabble)

untitled (oral backstage at music core)

reacting to his insta (fake text)

untitled (soft dom chan, somnophilia)

i said, sit (daddy chan, face riding)

karma in the shape of a god

all the things chan would whisper in your ear

kneeling on the floor (chan version)

adrenaline rush (lolla chicago suggestive drabble)

so is it true? (texts)

reacting to dominATE seoul photos (texts, daddy chan)

is this what you had in mind, baby? (daddy chan)

minho

untitled (dom minho, bondage, etc)

i like your panties

i like your cock (i like your panties part 2)

hyunjin

Daddy, let me help

Daddy, let me help part 2

sleepy morning drabble

untitled (soft dom hyunjin punishment)

is the door even locked? (soft dom daddy hyunjin, public sex)

han

wash it first (phone sex)

kneeling on the floor (han version)

ot8

skz catching you reading fan fiction

skz when you say ily in bed

when you’re too shy to send a spicy picture (texts- hyung line)

when you’re too shy to send a spicy picture (texts- maknae line)

skz when you text “you can come now, they’re gone.”

the one where chan teaches minho to share

if you like that, what if i did this? (minsung x reader)

calling them by their name request (texts)

best friend skz catching you masturbating (texts hyung line)

best friend skz catching you masturbating (texts maknae line)

flirting with bsf skz (texts, request) hyung line

flirting with bsf skz (texts, maknae line)

fuck the sadness out of me (3racha, texts, request)

well it worked (fuck the sadness out of me, 3racha, written part 2)

now you don’t have to choose (texts, jeongin and seungmin)

skz helping you shave (texts)

daddy!chan helping you shave

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Is shattering permanent in the comic (especially with the force fusions and cluster) or can it be fixed down the line like future did? Asking for your opinion on this too bc I found out about it in Future and it makes me feel weird (bc now it feels like any SU stuff and shattering has no consequence or tension, so haven’t been able to read or write stories). Maybe I’m seeing this wrong? Would love your thoughts

Hmm...

So to answer your first question: The comic for WDAU works on the same rules as canon does. I have no intention to over-write anything canon clearly stated to be true.

The ability to put back together shattered gems is definitely a part of that.

So yes, theoretically, even in WDAU, gems being shattered is not 'the end' because they can be eventually re-instated through the work of the diamonds, IF they someday decide to Change Their Minds like they did in the original series.

That being said...

I want to talk a little bit about something you said, because it tickles my brain in an interesting way:

"now it feels like any SU stuff and shattering has no consequence or tension"

And the best way to talk about stuff, I've found, is to ask questions about our underlying assumptions. So my questions for you (all) today are:

For us humans, death certainly IS a constant that remains ever-permanent, and thus it's easy to compare it to shattering and draw that parallel... but is that a fair comparison?

In fiction, death is often circumvented and there still remains reasonable tension in things like magic-heavy worlds, vampire novels, sci-fi where almost any sickness is eradicated, etc. Is this not quite similar to what shattering is for gems?

Is the perceived permanency of shattering the only reason it feels like a heavy consequence?

Are there OTHER consequences of being shattered that make it just as interesting, if not more than, to be explored as a plot device?

Must there be an ever-looming threat of something horrible and permanent happening to make a story good?

There isn't a right or wrong answer to these questions, necessarily. I'm not posing these in order to lead you to a singular, 'absolutely correct' conclusion or way of writing.

For some stories, death DOES need to be permanent in order not to make light of what the characters go through! In some forms of writing, there IS no other way around that consequence.

But I daresay SU is not one of those stories.

Let me put it this way - 100 years ago, medicine had only BEGUN to develop into the thing we know it as today. Sure, there were therapies and treatments for diseases, broken limbs, poisonings, etc. Some of them were quite good, even! But overall, the death tolls back then from basic illness were MUCH higher than they were today.

Pnumonia, Malaria, Syphillis, Smallpox, Bubonic Plague, AIDS.

These were things that people died from, with near CERTAINTY, for the LONGEST time. They were considered the road to a permanent black screen.

And today? Even though they are still, without proper intervention, JUST as deadly, we now have new tools and vaccines to combat them. Hell, if you get vaccinated fast enough you can get bit by a rabid dog and live to tell the tale, unscathed! Rabies used to be a one-stop-shop to the afterlife.

Despite this, we still view these diseases with appropriate fear. They are still dangerous - in the right conditions.

In the right conditions, the consequences for a LOT of things can be permanent. If permanency is what you're looking for.

So alright, the Diamonds can heal shattered gems now. Booooring. How easy it is to fix any shattered gem! What a simple solution to anything tragic.

But................... will they ALWAYS do so?

In fact...will the Diamonds ALWAYS be around?

Will the gems who got shattered always be picked up, piece by piece, and be brought back to them, perfectly preserved? Or will they lose pieces of themselves along the way - literally?

And what NEW consequences can we think of, when we stop thinking of the permanency of death, and start thinking of the Impermanence of those tools that keep us here longer and longer?

Just food for thought. 👀

[venerawrites]

Aww I love that you write for Kiba! He really doesn't get enough love so thank you! Can I please request headcannons for married and family life with Kiba, Kakashi, Gaara and Neji (with female reader)? Like being married and having children with them? They're my favourites and you write them so, so well. I hope that request is alright, please don't feel pressured to write it if you don't want to. I hope your week is amazing 🫶🏻

author's note: Kiba was one of my first fictional crushes and I totally agree he doesn't get enough love! Thank you so much for this beautiful request! I really hope you enjoy and that so far your week has been good! <3

➤ Kiba

Kiba as a husband is everything but boring!

During the first year or two, marriage would feel just like your relationship before that - laid back, chill and maybe a bit immature.

He is an amazing partner - he is very affectionate, never fails to make you smile and loves to surprise you.

However, when it comes to taking care of himself, he is like a big baby - I don't really see him doing any chores in the beginning of your relationship and even when he tries, more often than not he either burn or flood the kitchen.

Maybe it was fate or karma of some sorts, but I totally see you with twins or triplets!

If you thought life was crazy, wait till your house is full with hyperactive, unpredictable and loud Inuzukas.

Surprisingly, Kiba actually enjoy his role as a dad - probably because they all take after his personality, and tries to spend as much time with you and the children as possible.

Every time he has a free day, he organises a "family fun day" - more often than not, it is not that fun for you, as you have to run or yell after them to be careful while running/swimming/climbing etc.

While he would never get too much into housework, he will try to help around the house as much as he can, especially once you get back to work. (also, wouldn't do a good job and you would have to clean after his cleaning all the time, but it is the enthusiasm that counts!)

His attitude towards you would remain the same - he is just as in love with you as he was as a teenager, constantly trying to flirt with you with cheesy pick-up lines and smack your bum when you least expect it.

With multiple children, you probably won't have a lot of opportunities for spend time alone or go on dates, but you are both quite comfortable with your chaotic life.

He is definitely the laid-back and fun parent. Sorry, but you are going to have to be the "bad cop" - he can just bring himself to scold or punish your children.

He would often team up with them in order to prank you or his mother. Also, every bad word they learn by the age of six, is definitely his fault. (But hey, is it his fault they can remember every slip up?)

Kiba absolutely wants more children, so you better brace yourself, because I totally see you with another set of twins/triplets... it's these Inuzuka genes, what can I say!

➤ Kakashi

Surprisingly (or not so much since we are talking about Kakashi) your two children came before you got married.

You have been together for years and it worked perfectly, so what would a ring and a signature on a paper change? In the beginning, both of you were of the opinion "why fix something if it isn't broken?" and none of you see the point in marriage.

More or less, you were already acting as spouses - you tried to equally divide the household chores, but since he was working most of the time, you naturally took the role of the carer of the house, while he was the provider.

Once your first child was born, however, Kakashi started to seriously think of a change.

Since being a child, his life has been filled with battles, blood and loss - and he surely did not want for these things to be present in your baby's life.

However, change was hard and while he tortured his mind with ideas about how much happier you are going to be if both of you give up the shinobi life and move somewhere far, far away, he never voiced his thoughts out loud to you.

Kakashi is a very calm and loving dad - it almost come naturally to him, but you would notice something was bothering him, since as a partner he acted a bit more withdrawn.

When your second child was born, this is when he knew for sure he has to step down as a Hokage and retire from the ninja lifestyle once and for all. I imagine at this point, with two kids at home, you were retired as a shinobi.

When he brought the idea of moving in the outskirts of the village, he didn't expect for you to agree so quickly. You knew Kakashi for years, even before you got together, so you knew he really needed this break and detachment in the name of your family.

Once he left the position as a leader of the village, he focused 100% of his attention on you and your children - your oldest was a toddler by that time and while he felt sad because he felt like he missed the first two years of their life, he tried to enjoy every moment and stay grounded in the present.

He also finally decide it is time to propose and make you officially Mrs. Hatake - everything in your life was slowly falling into place and this felt like the only thing missing. (I imagine a small ceremony with both of your children as flower girls/page boys.)

Kakashi as a husband is the same as he was before that - loving, gentle, romantic, sometimes lazy, yet always attentive. The only difference is that he is even more relaxed and probably would pick up a random hobby such as gardening or maybe even writing?

Your have a very idyllic and peaceful life with him, and you wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

➤ Gaara

Married life with Gaara is hard in the beginning.

His work has been his whole life since he was a teenager, so when you finally tied the knot and, a few months later, welcomed your first child, he didn't know how to handle it.

He tried to juggle his job and his new role as a husband and father without any help for the first six months, but failed miserably.

The long hours he spend in the office definitely affected your relationship, especially since you are the one who had to give up your career in order to stay at home and take care of the baby.

There will be a rough period of time during you will be either ignoring each other or fighting with each other. Each of you will be upset, frustrated and annoyed with the other, but will not know how to fix things.

Don't get it wrong - this man loves you to death, but this is all new to him too! And it is especially stressful, since he never had a proper functioning family anyway.

Eventually, one night after another fight, you will sit down on the floor and share (or more likely scream at him) all the pent up frustration and worries you had been keeping inside.

From that moment everything changes.

Gaara would realise he needs to spend more time with his family, so he will probably promote Kankuro to a "shadow Kazekage" or any other title, under which he can replace him in the office some days of the week.

You start communicating more and soon fall in a natural rhythm - he is definitely a man that likes to do everything 50-50 with you, including care of the baby and household chores.

A very gentle and attentive husband - he always listen to your advice and tries his best to keep the spark between you by organising surprise getaway weekends for both of you every so often or by bringing you flowers/gifts when he comes home from work.

I would imagine given his position, he would try to influence to remain at home - he has always been worried about your safety and the potential risk of his enemies targeting you, but since you were now also the mother of his child, his worry slowly turned into a paranoia.

He will respect your decision no matter what, but if you decide to go back to work at some point - he will forget his morals and will abuse his role as a Kazekage in order to arrange some extra security to be around you at all times.

I feel like he will be a very calm dad in the beginning, but the more his children grew, the more nervous he became - babies are easy to manage, but toddlers? Pre-teens? Oh, Kami!

Naturally, he is very anxious about his performance as a parent, so please provide him reassurance every now and then, just so you can ease his mind!

Nevertheless, he is great with your child and they absolutely adore him. If you had a girl, she will totally be daddy's girl. If you had a boy, he would dream one day to grow up like Gaara.

I totally see you guys adopting some family traditions like Sunday dinner, "come-with-dad-to-work" Thursdays or book Fridays.

Gaara is going to be satisfied with one child, two at most (only if they have at least five years difference).

➤ Neji

Neji was made to be a father and a husband!

Raised in a very traditional family, he has been dreaming about becoming a husband and father pretty much from the moment you got together.

I think you would be married for about a year, before your first child is born, during which you will get you own house in the Hyuga compound, arrange its interior and enjoy your life as newlywed couple.

He will never command you or restrict your freedom in any way, but he will definitely influence a lot of your decisions.

For starters, it is expected that you will stop working and become a housewife, as any other woman married into the clan has done before.

I feel Neji loves you enough to respect your wishes if you decide not to do it, but he will still insist being the main provider for your family. (Do not resist him on this one, it is quite important for him!)

That doesn't mean he won't help around the household, especially after your child is born - he is actually very, very good cook and will take care of your dinners at least a few times per week.

As a father, I imagine he is very caring and loving, but will become more strict as they start to grow older. He values fairness and order a lot, so it will for sure reflect in his parenting style.

Your child absolutely adores him though - Neji is definitely their role model and the best teacher. You, on the other hand, will be the more laid-back parent, using any chance to spoil them or treat them with some extra sweets/toys behind Neji's back.

Neji is very confident as a parent, so he won't really have any worries about how you are raising your little one. What worries him, however, is how much less time you are both spending together.

I think once your child reach toddler age, he would start declining more and more missions, so he can stay at home. I also imagine that seeing his growth and commitment to the family, Hiashi would involve him in the leadership of the clan.

He will still find time to organise little dates just for both of you or late midnight walks, when you can enjoy only each other's company.

He would grow more serious and less fun with time, but given how much responsibilities he how stressful his life is, you would try and support him in every decision he makes (even when you are not fully convinced by his reasoning).

Your love would blossom from fun and carefree to mature and responsible. (& tbh I think that is absolutely beautiful!)

Both of you want at least one more child, so I imagine you would get pregnant a two or three years after you gave birth to your first born.

cc artwork: Daniel Clarke

[hedgehog-moss]

do you have recommendations for introspective fiction? :) i've been craving for something for my brain to much on that will also cause me pain, but i honestly have no clue where to get that. any advice?

Hello! I had trouble finding ideas at first because all the introspective & thought-provoking books that came to mind were nonfiction (diaries, etc—especially when it comes to women writers) but here are 10 suggestions, with excerpts :) Note that I took your "cause me pain" request seriously; these are not exactly feel-good reads.

Steppenwolf, Herman Hesse Man is not capable of thought in any high degree, and even the most spiritual and highly cultivated of men habitually sees the world and himself through the lenses of delusive formulas and artless simplifications—and most of all himself. For it appears to be an inborn ... need of all men to regard the self as a unit. In reality, however, every ego ... is in the highest degree a manifold world, a constellated heaven, a chaos of forms, of states and stages, of inheritances and potentialities. It appears to be a necessity as imperative as ... breathing for everyone to be forced to regard this chaos as a unity and to speak of his ego as though it were a one-fold and clearly detached and fixed phenomenon. Even the best of us shares the delusion.

Notes From Underground, Fyodor Dostoevsky Why, suffering is the sole origin of consciousness. Though I did lay it down at the beginning that consciousness is the greatest misfortune for man, yet I know man prizes it and would not give it up for any satisfaction. Consciousness, for instance, is infinitely superior to twice two makes four. Once you have mathematical certainty there is nothing left to do or to understand. There will be nothing left but to bottle up your five senses and plunge into contemplation.

The Book of Disquiet, Fernando Pessoa I asked for very little from life, and even this little was denied me. A nearby field, a ray of sunlight, a little bit of calm along with a bit of bread, not to feel oppressed by the knowledge that I exist, not to demand anything from others, and not to have others demand anything from me — this was denied me, like the spare change we might deny a beggar not because we're mean-hearted but because we don't feel like unbuttoning our coat.

Ishmael, Daniel Quinn All sorts of creatures on this planet appear to be on the verge of attaining self-awareness and intelligence. We were never meant to be the only players on that stage. [But] man is the first of all these. He is the trailblazer, the pathfinder. [….] Man’s place in the world is to be the first without being the last. Man’s place is to figure out how it’s possible to do that—and then to make room for all the rest who are capable of becoming what he’s become.

The Lady and the Little Fox Fur, Violette Leduc Her hope was stored in a safe place. On tiptoe, avidly, she gazed through the windows. ... She was filled with a fixed determination to pay the next month’s rent, to sally forth once more to the pawnbroker’s, to offer him the clothes off her back, to sell her teeth, ... but at all costs to go on living against the panes of strangers’ windows. She bumped into women hurriedly buying food for their dinners; she was breathing the oxygen meant for people who had spent their day working. To cry out that it was impossible for her to begin her life all over again would be useless.

The Last Summer of Reason, Tahar Djaout The city with the many forms of iridescence that once danced on the foam ... is now a field of merciless thorns. Love is a recumbent effigy, a dead tree. Song flees into exile. ... Books—the closeness of them, their contact, their smell, and their contents—constitute the safest refuge against this world of horror. They are the most pleasant and the most subtle means of traveling to a more compassionate planet.

The Royal Game, Stefan Zweig They did nothing—other than subjecting us to complete nothingness. For, as is well known, nothing on earth puts more pressure on the human mind than nothing. ... There was nothing here that could release me from my thoughts, from my obsession with them, from my pathological reiteration of them. And that was exactly what they intended: I was to choke and choke on my thoughts until they asphyxiated me.

Dawn, Elie Wiesel [Words] serve only to give meaning to our actions. And our actions, seen in their true and primitive light, have the odor and color of blood. This is war, we say; we must kill. ... And what else can we do? War has a code, and if you deny this you deny its whole purpose and hand the enemy victory on a silver platter. That we can’t afford. We need victory, victory in war, in order to survive, in order to remain afloat on the surface of time.

Darkness at Noon, Arthur Koestler All our principles were right, but our results were wrong. This is a diseased century. We diagnosed the disease and its causes with microscopic exactness, but wherever we applied the healing knife a new sore appeared. Our will was hard and pure, we should have been loved by the people. But they hate us. Why are we so odious and detested? ... Whenever had a good cause been worse represented? When and where in history had there ever been such defective saints?

All the Lovers in the Night, Mieko Kawakami The job that I was doing, the place where I was living, the fact that I was all alone and had no one to talk to. Could these have been the result of some decision that I’d made? I heard a crow crying somewhere in the distance and turned to the window. It occurred to me that maybe I was where I was today because I hadn’t chosen anything. I had faked it the whole way. ... I was so scared of failing, of being hurt, that I chose nothing. I did nothing.

[mazikeenhyde]

Less than a minute...

(Ive decided to be brave, I always wanted to try my hand at writing fan fiction so here we go! If i got anything wrong, like warnings for example please let me know so i can fix it! )

WARNING – 

A Poly!Judgment-Day fanfiction containing themes and mentions of DEPRESSION, LONLINESS, SOME SMUT, ANGST, SADNESS, ALCOHOL etc 

Overall, I’m just trying to make you all cry… 

READER X JUDGMENT DAY/POLY! – Rhea, Damien, Finn, Dominik x READER- Written in first person with Y/N (Reader Female)  

Italic font – flashback, speech or memories

Less than a minute 

The hotel room was quiet, the cheap TV fixed to the wall showing Monday night Raw on a low volume mixed in with the sounds of footsteps in the corridor, each sound filling the hot humid air. Outside the rain lashed down, heavy rainclouds hung low in the night sky blocking out the starlight, yet the full moon powered through, illuminating the streets, reflecting in the puddles that ran along the gutter line. 

 It was late, most of these anonymous guests rushing around just outside our door would be returning from busy work days to catch up on sleep or be heading out for a fun night on the town.  A blissful life for most, a chance to escape their homes and stay in a bed with room service, maids to clean up after you and a reception for any assistance required! I hated it though; it wasn’t my choice but when you are on the road traveling for what felt like 300 days of the year with your partners there isn’t much of an option. A different country every month, a different state every week, Christ a different town every night. I longed for those one-off days where we were all free to do nothing. Something many people take for granted is the ability to do nothing, and I missed it. 

Life felt far too chaotic, and despite being in a 5-way Polyamory relationship, I’d never felt so alone. I longed to go home, back to our own little house, we had been away for so long now. I could picture it, the front room shelves filled up high with my collection of books. My own little library I had spent a lifetime building now just collecting dust. The cabinets filled with Dominik’s board games that had bought about so many nights of endless laughter and equally some rather extreme arguments over winners, losers, cheaters and a half empty liquor cabinet that had been drained dry after a game of Scrabble. I still laugh now thinking back to when Rhea would demand the Alexa to define a word, we were sure Dominik had made up. Still, you could always rely on Finn to settle the score with a round of tequila shots and an accidental knock of the board. 

“Oh no!” Finn would laugh as he ‘accidently’ kicked the board off and onto the floor. 

“The board fell… guess we will have to play something else aye lass” he stated sarcastically, winking at me as he passed over one of the shot glasses. 

“I wouldn’t say No to a game of Twister” Damien suggested, raising his eyebrows as he took his shot and ran his fingers down my back. I swear that man would give me goosebumps from the top of my head to the center of my core with just a passing look and that fiendish glint in his eye! 

Rhea was quick to move herself over towards us resting her head in my lap, turning her view point to a more favored position. “I’ll second that” she smiled gently kissing the inner of my thigh, my breath was hitched, excited and on edge all at once. 

“Well I’m calling it!  I won..” Dominik stated with a huff as he began to pick the letter tiles up off the floor. Smirking over at him we each adorned a loveable gleam towards the boy. A little brat at the best and worst of times, but we wouldn’t have changed him for the world. 

Moving Rheas head onto Damien’s lap where the two of them began their own little make out session I crawled my way round to Dom, helping collect the remaining tiles off the floor and boxing his board game up. 

Smiling into his eye line I whispered ‘Never change who you are Dom Dom, We will always be here and we will always love you”

“What about when they break us up though?” he asked, I could hear the anxiety in his voice, his eyes. “I have to turn on Rhea and…and..” 

I held him close, his hands holding tightly to my back and I could hear his gentle muffled cries. 

“You’ll never be alone Dom, I love you so much. Even if I’m not always there to hold your hand, ill never be far away” I whispered in his ear. 

“Less than a minuite?” he smiled. 

-----

I couldn’t deny how much love I felt for each of them, work life had been tough for the four of them after the WWE had stated they would be splitting the group up to start a new storyline involving the likes of Liv Morgan, JD & Carlito. It didn’t stop the love we had for each other, but it certainly made traveling together difficult! I often reminded them that unlike myself none of them exactly blended into a crowd. 

Sitting in the middle of this king size bed I pulled my knees up to my chest, I had stolen Damien’s hoodie and a pair of rhea’s gym shorts in the hopes of being comfortable enough to focus while I studied my textbooks, but alas tonight my mind was elsewhere. I had been studying Law for some time, it had always been such a passion of mine and thankfully no matter where we slept I could bring my books and get my head down while my partners entertained the world. It also came in quite handy when certain members of the group had one too many drinks on a night out and needed some help in escaping the police without legal prosecution. Dominik can tell the world he did hard time in jail all he likes, but it was me that got the little brat released early after a dramatic night with Rhea at his parents’ house on thanksgiving. 

The WWE had offered me a position on their legal team once I had passed all my exams, yet that was over a year ago. I had deferred my exam date twice already, I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me but I didn’t feel the love, the passion or the joy I had done surrounding myself in plans for my future dream career, I was starting to worry I had wasted all these years for nothing.

Finn was always the voice of reason; he would often sit and help me revise while Rhea and Dom would shower together after the gym and Damien would take a nap. He was the voice of reason in the group, the glue that held us all together when things got tough. It was Finn that supported us all the most when our relationship went public, none of us had wanted to hide how we felt and the WWE were supportive, but that didn’t stop the online hate. The four of them were use to random strangers throwing insults due to the nature of their job, and thankfully I wasn’t of much interest to the fans. We had done our best to keep me away from the public eye, almost everyone just assumed I was part of the WWE teams supporting the group. There were a few fan speculation pages online who loved to play the guessing game but the majority saw me as nothing, as no one. 

Finn always knew when something was wrong, he hadn’t wanted to leave me this evening but I had persuaded them all to go on the promise when they returned we could order in and cuddle up to watch a new release on tv if we connected Damien’s laptop. 

“Chicken tenders! Ooh and nuggies?” Dom said, looking around the room in minor disbelief as we all looked at him with smiles. “What?” he asked. 

“Really Dom? Chicken tenders, I’d never have guessed that bro. There’s me thinking you’d want Sushi!” Damien stated sarcastically with a smirk as he zipped up his duffel bag. 

“Ew, raw fish? Bleugh! That’s gross!” Dom was genuinely disgusted at the idea. 

“Hey! Don’t knock Sushi you little squinnie! Just because the rest of us have some foodie culture, your mother should have had you expand your pallet better!” I replied as I walked over and flicked Dom on the head. He was quick to wrestle me up and onto his shoulder, spinning me round onto the bed where he climbed on to pin me down. 

“Uh Excuse me! I think you’ll find…Mami! has expanded my pallet just fine hermosa!” He stated, daring his lips closer to mine. 

“Oh I bet..” I whispered to him closing the gap between us, our lips aching to touch. “Your pallet has had its fair share of tasting sessions aye Dom Dom” 

Before he could respond Damien wrapped his arms around Dominik’s waste pulling him off me and planting him back down to earth, ruffling his hair upon release. 

“Alright you two, break it off!” Damien patted Dom on the chest as he tossed over his rucksack from the chair. I bought my chest up leaning back on my hands winking at Dom as he scowled at me with a mix of frustration and cheek. 

Rhea walked out from the bathroom with Finn following in tow, slapping Dom on the ass and wrapping her arm around his neck. 

“Behave yourself Dom Dom” Rhea said before looking over at me on the bed, “You too Bunny, Brats be warned there will always be consequences.” She laughed and pulled Dom towards the hotel door blowing me a kiss as the two of them headed out to work. Damien followed suit leaning down on the bed to kiss my forehead. 

“Te amo, Hermosa” he held the back of my neck touching foreheads before following Rhea and Dom. 

“Ill catch up with you three downstairs” Finn said and Damien gave him a thumbs up as he headed out the hotel room door and closed it behind them. 

Finn took a seat next to me on the bed as I sat up properly and moved to the edge, adorning one of those fake convincing smiles that had worked so many times before. 

“A night of studying then? We won’t be back too late I promise, you can pick the film tonight. I dread another of Rheas slasher films aye. We will be up all night watching the door” Finn said with a gentle nudge to my shoulder. I just nodded, unsure of how to respond. It was strange, I could hide myself in the love and laughter I felt for them all, the never ending flirting and sexual frustration that would build when we were in a room. But a reminder of the real world, of the real life we were living was enough to shatter my dreams back to reality. Every day was blending into one, the repetitive endeavors were tearing my soul apart. Tears began to fill the corners of my eyes as I was quick to stand and rub them away taking a sharp breath. I knew inside I was breaking, I was like a ticking time bomb and I needed to protect them all. Finn leapt up to his feet spin me around and face him.

“Y/N, listen to me lass, you know we all love you. No matter what, no matter how hard it all gets, whether you sit the exams and pass or fail.” Finn held his hands to my face cupping my cheeks. 

Finn had suspected something was wrong for a while, he and Rhea had sat down with me before to talk. They knew about my past, the scars I had whilst silver and faded now were a window into a past life I had battled for so long to break free from, always terrified it would find me again. I was like a rabbit in headlights when it all got to much, I would freeze in fear of my mind running away with my sanity. Hence the nickname Bunny. 

“I don’t know what is wrong with me..” My voice was fragile, broken. 

Finn held me in a close hug, his warm embrace relighting the fire inside my chest, a willing to keep going forward. The serenity was quickly broken by a car horn beeping outside followed by a text alert on Finns phone. 

BRAT NO.2  -

“Oi! Save some of her for the rest of us Finn >_< get your ass down here! We’re gonna be late!”  

Finn shook his head, “That boy tests my patience to its limit at the best of times, ive a good mind to put him over my knee’ 

I laughed wiping my eyes with my sleeves “Only if you let me watch” 

He smiled and held me close, “I can stay, if that’s what you need?” 

I shook my head and released him from the hug, “No. its okay, you go kick ass! I’m gonna jump in the shower and try to get in a quick nap before I crack on with those books, can’t defer the exam forever!” 

“We will be back before you know it” Finn said softly 

“Less than a minute?” I half smiled

“Less than a minute” He returned the all too familiar phrase. Finn kissed my forehead before getting his bag of the chair and reaching into his pocket to get his phone that had started to ring. He answered the call whilst slumping his bag over his shoulder and nodding his head goodbye to me before heading out the door. 

“Dominik, I am telling you now! I swear to god if you don’t…” Finns voice faded out as he continued down the hotel hallway, the door closing behind him. 

Taking a deep breath I shook off the heavy emotional cloak weighing me down and headed for the shower. 

4 HOURS LATER   - 

Looking around the rather large hotel room we had booked for the night I came to wonder; anyone would have thought we would have been used to this horrendous decor by now. No matter where we stayed every room felt much the same, whether it was the dismal wall art, low pressure shower heads or dull painted walls that felt like they were closing in. Though I knew the others were not fazed by it, they very rarely spent a lot of time in these rooms, aside from catching up on missed sleep or dancing the devils tango with any sparing energy the four of them would be in the gym or at the WWE training centers for live shows or TV. 

Sitting here I couldn’t steady my mind, I felt lost, lonely, empty even. It wasn’t their fault, they showered me in affection, I could want for nothing but more time with them. Yet it wasn’t that either, no amount of time in the arms of Rhea could fix the damage, she was the only woman I could love with the entirety of my heart, but as incredible as she was, even Rhea Bloody Ripley couldn’t fight off the demons inside me. 

The deeper I looked the more the world felt wrong. It all felt alien, uneasy, I wondered if it was just me, was I the problem? I checked the time, just after 10pm, they would be back soon enough, why did that bring about such panic, an anxiety drowning my heart, my breathe hitched and I felt it. You just know don’t you, it could have been years, weeks, days, hours or minutes that you had been fighting the voices in your head, the devil on your shoulder, but I was so lost in it all I just wanted to be alone. 

Slipping  off the bed I pulled on my socks and trainers and headed for the door. Pausing in the doorway I felt my heart sink a little, maybe this was it, maybe I wasn’t what I had promised I would be. 

A single tear fell down my cheek as I closed the hotel room door behind me, leaving my phone and keys on the nightstand. I needed to break free, only time would tell how long for, but I needed to feel. I needed to escape the War inside my head and the only way I knew how to do that, was to run. 

1 HOUR LATER   - 

Rhea and Dom walked through the carpark with his arm wrapped around her waist as they headed towards the rental car. It had been a hard night for them and all they wanted was to climb into bed with their girl and sleep. Damien followed just behind the both of them carrying the groups bags. Finn bringing up the rear of the group was locked into his phone, his face filled with concern for their girl who hadn’t responded to a single text all evening. They had received a message from the WWE management team that they could leave early to limit fan interaction ahead of SummerSlam. 

Climbing into the rental car Dom, Rhea and Damien waited for Finn. 

“Maybe she fell asleep studying?” Dom asked as Finn sat in the back passenger seat. 

Rhea had her phone up to her ear listening to a never ending ringing on the other end, Voicemail again. “Bunny? please call me back.” She ended the call and looked up to Damien in the drives seat. 

“Priest, Floor it!” 

--------

Reaching the hotel all four of them raced from the car inside, adrenaline fed through them as they reached the hotel room. 

Hands shaking Rhea swiped the card multiple times before holding it still long enough to enter. The realization. The Silence. It was deafening.

Damien rushed in to check the bathroom as Finn scrambled around the room with Dom, looking for something, for someone they knew wasn’t there. Rhea stood frozen in the doorway, in silence, her eyes locked in. 

“Rhea?” Dom hastily rushed over, hand on her shoulder as he turned to her eye line. There it was, on the bedside table. 

Finn edged his way over to the bedside as Damien came back into the room. Hands shaking nervously Finn reached down and picked up Y/N phone and hotel keycard. 

They all shared a look between each other, a look of fear and confusion. What were they meant to do now? Where did Y/N go? 

“I shouldn’t of left her…” Finn held the phone tightly pacing the same two steps over. “I could see it, I saw it, I shouldn’t of left her…” Finn repeated again. 

“Finn?” Dom hesitantly questioned his actions. 

Rheas demeanor quickly turned and she slammed her hand against the doorframe and rushed out followed by Finn and Damien desperate to find their girl. 

“Dom stay here! In case she comes back!” Damien yelled, he paused in the hall before rushing back to the room and holding Dominick’s face in his hands. “We will find her, I promise, we will all be back before you know it” Damien kissed his forehead before turning and running back out the door. 

Dom was frozen on the spot, he couldn’t move, he looked around the room at abandoned study books, half unpacked suitcases and clothing discarded on the floor. He felt smaller than ever before, his heartbeat felt cold, his chest filled with butterflies and his hands cold to touch. 

Walking over to the window that stood from floor to ceiling he held his hand to his chest tearing up at the rain lashing down outside . “Less than a minute?” 

[queeranarchism]

With so many left wing artists, it's weird how solidly the idea of 'being an artist' is formed by individualism and capitalism.

The idea of the artist as an 'individual with a vision', results in the vast majority of art being produced alone and the idea of collective art just not occurring to people. Writers groan about being stuck on a rough part in their novel for months and the idea of getting another writer involved to fix it never even crosses their mind because they're so hung up on the idea that their art has to be uniquely their own.

The idea of art as the 'capital' of the artist. Some artists will admit that copyright is just an annoying necessity under capitalism (and as it is, copyright rarely protects small artists and only protects Disney) but many artists hold a deep emotional investment in the idea that they 'own' their art and that they should be allowed to limit what others do with it. 'My property'. You wouldn't download a car etc. The idea that all art could be the collective property of all to freely reproduce and rework into amazing new things is (horror voice) 'anarchy' to many.

(Meanwhile many artists, especially writers, learned their craft through fan fiction, this deeply collaborative space that recognizes no ownership, revels in the freedom to remix everything and produces incredible volumes of free art that is once again available for all to rework. And yet moving away from that and creating something Uniquely Your Own is seen as somehow superior)

And finally, the idea of the creative genius that's superior to everyone else because they create. This one isn't explicit very often but scratch the surface and you'll find a lot of high minded ideas about creativity being this uniquely precious force in a way that invalidates stuff like care work. It'll also show up in it's other equally individualist form: the idea that producing art is deeply fulfilling and meaningful in a way that raising a child or caring for your elderly neighbor isn't.

I could go on about subculture details like the romantic love of books as things you need to physically own on your bookshelf as a thing that makes loving stories into a consumer's profile which simultaneously signals your middle class status, instead of just a free hobby. But I'm more interested in the question: what do we get when we question all this shit?

[dduane]

Is there an alphabet or lexicon of the human version of The Speech? And if so, where can I find it?

No, there's not.

(And as I've been asked about this before, I'm just going to paste the answer in here—since though the original post is buried in the depths of Tumblr somewhere, I do have my saved draft.)

Per these, which came in very close to each other:

@melbetweenstars

This is something I’ve always wondered but never realized I could actually ask about until I read through that long meta response. (go me.) How much of the Speech do you have fleshed out? Do you create it as you go on more of a need-to-know basis, or do you have vocabulary and grammar structures ready to go? Basically I’d be really interested to hear any Speech-related meta if you have the chance because fictional languages are hella cool!

and:

@sansa–clegane

I just read your post on dark wizards and field terminologies, and am totally loving the Speech translations you provided! Now I’m wondering, though, how much of the language you actually have mapped out or established? I’m very curious as to what, for example, the standard “I - you - he/she/it/etc. - we - you plural - they” conjugation endings would be– or if there even are any in a language as complex as the Speech. I’M JUST REALLY INTERESTED IN FANTASY LINGUISTICS AAAHH

Linguistics is a big deal for me too, as people who read my stuff will have guessed. And needless to say, the Speech is on my mind a lot (along with other “magical languages” and their history/histories).

So let’s take a moment to first to make it clear what the Speech is not. It’s not what’s sometimes referred to as an Adamic language  (whether you take the meaning that God used it to talk to Adam, or that Adam invented it to name things.) It’s also nothing whatsoever to do with Enochian. It’s not an occultic language, or anything invented by human beings.

The basic concept is that the Speech is the language, or the very large body of descriptors, used to create the universe (and very likely others, but let’s leave that to one side for the moment). Such words are also assumed, having been used in the building of the universe, to be able to control the bits they’ve built. Every word, therefore, when used ought ideally to sound as if it contains some tremendous power. 

Writing something like that every time the Speech is used, even for a much better writer than I am, would be very, very hard.

(We need a cut here. Under the cut: Ursula Le Guin, C. S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, J. K. Rowling, and others. ...Also a fair number of beetles. And a bear.)

It’s worth mentioning as a matter of information that I met the concept of secret / divine magical languages in Le Guin’s Earthsea long before I ran into it in C. S. Lewis. (I came pretty late to Lewis’s non-Narnian work.) Yet here Lewis, as more than occasionally before, is my master, having been over this ground right back in the mid-1940s.

There’s a point in the final novel of the so-called “Planetary Trilogy”, that big fat (now endlessly problematic but still fun-in-the-right-moods) book That Hideous Strength, where Elwin Ransom—philologist, unwilling visitor to Mars and Venus, unnerved conscript into the wars in Heaven, and Lewis’s take on both the Pendragon and the wounded Fisher King—is instructing his friend and co-linguistics scholar Dimble on how to behave in a meeting with the newly awakened, and potentially quite dangerous, Merlin Ambrosius. (The POV in this passage is that of a lady named Jane who's just recently fallen into company with the group supporting Ransom.)

“You understand, Dimble? Your revolver in your hand, a prayer on your lips, your mind fixed on Maleldil [just think “Christ” for the moment: surprise surprise, that’s the parellel Lewis is using here]. Then, if he stands, conjure him.” “What shall I say in the Great Tongue?” “Say that you come in the name of God and all angels and in the power of the planets from one who sits today in the seat of the Pendragon, and command him to come with you. Say it now.” And Dimble, who had been sitting with his face drawn, and rather white, between the white faces of the two women, and his eyes on the table, raised his head, and great syllables of words that sounded like castles came out of his mouth. Jane felt her heart leap and quiver at them. Everything else in the room, seemed to have become intensely quiet: even the bird, and the bear***, and the cat, were still, staring at the speaker. The voice did not sound like Dimble’s own: it was as if the words spoke themselves through him from some strong place at a distance—or as if they were not words at all but present operations of God, the planets, and the Pendragon. For this was the language spoken before the Fall and beyond the Moon, and the meanings were not given to the syllables by chance, or skill, or long tradition, but truly inherent in them as the shape of the great Sun is inherent in the little waterdrop. This was Language herself, as she first sprang at Maleldil’s bidding out of the molten quicksilver of the star called Mercury on Earth, but Viritrilbia in Deep Heaven.

Now if that’s not like being hit over the head with a hammer, I don’t know what is.* That moment has been before the eyes-of-my-mind for a long time as I’ve worked with the Speech.

Note, however, that Lewis does a very wise thing here. He doesn’t actually spell out any of the words out for you. Because in the reader’s mind, there’s always the six-year-old saying, “Go on, say the word: see how it sounds, see what happens…!” And when you recite the magic spell, it doesn’t work. The words come out sounding, well, like any others. And maybe not your interior six-year-old, but your interior twelve- or fifteen-year-old—the ego-state that’s about keeping you from getting hurt or looking stupid in front of other people who aren’t privy to or supportive of your dreams—says, “See, it was just another word, just a bunch of nonsense. You got fooled. Dummy!” No wise writer, I think, willingly sets their readership up for such easy and constant disappointment. It's tough enough to weave, and hold in place, the spell that is prose. Handing the audience a potential spellbreaker, over and over again, is folly. 

And by rights the Speech ought to be like Lewis’s example above. If in reality you were to hear the words used to restructure matter or undo gravity, they ought to shake the air in your chest like a Saturn V launch, they should raise the hair on the back of your neck to hear them used; they should freak you out. But a long string of invented syllables isn’t going to do that. I’m stuck with using English to produce even the echo of such a result.

Which means I have to go Lewis’s route… mostly. Here and there I’ll add in a Speech-sourced word or phrase when it supports the narrative or makes it easier for characters to talk about what’s going on—as, when working with wizardry, you do sometimes have to call in precisionist-level language for words that have no casual English cognates: just as you would if you were working in particle physics or organic chemistry at the molecular level. But that’s all I’m going to do… because if you do too much linguistic work in this regard, you constantly run the risk of your readers being distracted from the real business at hand, which is the interactions between/among the characters.

The tech inherent to a work of fantastic fiction is always an issue in this regard. Ideally L. Sprague de Camp’s very useful definition of science fiction, tweaked here for fantasy, ought to be a guideline: “A fantasy story is a human story with a human problem and a human solution that could never have happened without its fantastic content.” Yet inside the definition, there’s still a lot of ways to go wrong. Too much merely human stuff, and a work of fantasy turns into a soap with some casual magical gimmickry—all too often these days labeled as “magic realism”, when it’s not publisher code for “We’d call this fantasy if we had the nerve and we didn’t think it was going to tag us as ‘genre’ and keep us off the best-seller lists”. Too little human-problem-and-human-solution, and it turns into a modern version of what James Blish (God rest him), when writing as the gently merciless science fiction critic William Atheling Jr., used to call “The 'Greater New York and New Jersey Municipal Zeppelin Gas Works’ school of speculative fiction”, where you tour your readership through the Wonderfulness Of Your Tech (magical or otherwise) until they expire of boredom while waiting for someone to fucking do something.

You have to find a centerline between the extremes—indeed pretty much a tightrope—and walk it with some care. I’d guess that J. K. Rowling ran into the need for this balancing act; while never having read the Potter books, I nonetheless get a sense that you get the occasional Wingardium leviosa without also being burdened with long strings of magical Latin. (Though I confess that the answer to the question “Where does the magic come from? And what’s it for?” as it applies to her universe could be of some interest. I have no idea whether this ever gets explicitly handled.**) 

Anyway, it’d be way too easy for the YW books to become long discourses on the Speech and its use. This aspect of the “tech”, I think, gets more than enough time onstage. Having once established that words are a tool, indeed the tool for a wizard, the ur-Tool, making every spell they build a resonance between what they do and the initial/ongoing work of Creation—my business is to stay focused on the challenge of driving plot forward by interactions between human beings (and all kinds of others) who have conflicting agendas.

…So much for the tl;dr. I do have some very basic grammatical structures tucked away, but they’re not in any fit state for other people to look at. The Speech, I think, is really best treated as an ongoing mystery that unfolds a little at a time, as required, and leaves everybody wanting more.

HTH!

*It also leads into one of numerous affectionate nods in this book toward Tolkien, as philologist, fellow novelist, and Lewis’s good friend. It's no accident that when Ransom meets up with Merlin himself, a little later in the narrative, the question of this language—the proper name of the Great Tongue is “Old Solar"—comes up again. When discussing what language they’ll speak with each other during their upcoming negotiations [they apparently start out in a rather beat-up and denatured medieval Latin], Ransom says to Merlin about the language he’d prefer to be working in, "It has been long since it was heard. Not even in Numinor was it heard in the streets.”

The Stranger gave no start … but he spoke with a new interest. “Your masters let you play with dangerous toys,” he said. “Tell me, slave, what is Numinor?” “The true West,” said Ransom. “Well,” said the other.

Yeah, “well.” Better scholars than I have dealt with the relationship between these two, as scholars and writers and friends, so enough of that for the moment. But it’s very sweet to see Lewis do something in his books that I’ve done with mine.

**It’s always possible, of course, that in the HP universe this issue is a surd: like asking “where physics comes from”. (Well, not a surd precisely, if your spiritual life tends a certain way. Mine tends toward “Whoever or whatever made the universe, that’s who made physics. And they must really like it, because they made a metric shit ton of it!” (This answer also works for beetles, though that's a slightly different issue.) :)

But if there’s a most-fundamental difference between my wizardly universe and Rowling’s, it might be best revealed in the third question that came up for me directly after “What if there was a user’s manual for human beings/the world/the universe?” and “If there was, where would it have come from?”: specifically, “And why?”

***There's a bear in the Pendragon's kitchen. Thoth only knows what initially brought that on for Lewis, but it's a character insertion that pays off later, so (shrug) wtf.

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 01 Yunho — Size kink // praise

➥ big d!ck bf!Yunho × tiny girlfriend!Reader summary: Yunho is big and strong and likes to play rough and manhandle his tiny girlfriend. wc: 4.2k (whew! Half of that is smut 🥴) warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, sexual content (minors dni!): oral (f receiving), fingering (she's gonna need it to take his monster c•ck), unprotected sex (use protection! Yunho and MC use the pull out method), praise (good girl, you're doing so well, etc), size kink (so reader is noticeably smaller than Yunho and he comments on it), Yunho cums on the readers stomach and licks it clean so cum eating ig, slight strength kink, some manhandling, reader loves Yunho's hands, monster c•ck Yunho, and I think that's all. pls let me know if I missed anything Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy Ateez taglist: @2hodefender @babyhailey819 @foxylilbitch MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. Join the taglist!

a/n: this is a bit self indulgent as I am tiny compared to yunho and I want him to manhandle me and use his size and strength against me. This is also for @yoonguurt and my fellow size kink enthusiasts. As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

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Your favorite thing about Yunho was how big he was compared to you. He was so tall, just over 6 feet tall, with broad shoulders and large hands. He easily towered over you.

Yunho's favorite thing about you was how tiny you were next to him. He loved it when you wore his shirts as they fit you like dresses, the hem coming down to the middle of your thighs. You looked so small and cute in his clothes.

Your second favorite thing about Yunho was that he was strong. Strong enough to lift you easily, throw you over his shoulder or just lift you onto the kitchen counter.

He also liked to throw you onto the bed. And you loved it when he did that.

Flipping through the channels of the TV proved fruitless as you found nothing decent or interesting to watch so you decided to put the TV on the channel where Music Bank was being broadcasted and settled into the cushions to eat your dinner and hopefully catch a glance of your massive boyfriend.

It didn't take long for ATEEZ to show up on stage, performing their newest title track. You watched Yunho as much as the cameramen allowed, smiling as he performed.

He was an incredible dancer, something you'd always admired about him. The way he moved and how easily the music seemed to flow through him was mesmerizing. You loved every second of it.

Of course, in watching him dance, the way his body moved always got your insides burning as your imagination tended to run wild.

You scarfed down the rest of your lasagna and watched the rest of their stage with rapt attention. Your eyes followed Yunho across the stage as the song continued. Although the camera would focus on the other members, you could only see your boyfriend.

It was during one part of the performance when the choreography had them hip thrust that your mind was made up. He'd unintentionally created this problem (the problem being in your panties) and when he came home, he'd fix it.

ATEEZ finished their performance to tumultuous applause and cheers which you unashamedly added to in the comfort of your own home. and the show slowly came to an end, you checked the time and hoped Yunho would be home soon.

Deciding to distract yourself, you chose to clean up, do the dishes, wipe down the counters, anything you could do to pass the time until your boyfriend came home.

You tried not to look at the time, hoping if you ignored it, time would move just a little faster.

You knew after music shows, the guys would head back to the KQ building, clean up, probably grab some food and relax for a while. Yunho was nothing if not consistent when it came to these little rituals and no more than three hours after the show ended, he sent you a text.

Puppy Hubby ♥️💕: hey angel. We just got done eating. Have you eaten? I'll bring you something if you haven't. I'm about to leave so I'll be there soon. I love you ♥️

You quickly finished what you were working on and ran to your shared bedroom to put your plan into action. You rushed around, throwing off your plain pajamas in favor of something more… alluring.

You pulled off your white cotton panties and searched through your drawer for a pair you knew Yunho would love and slid those on.

Snatching one of Yunho's tees, you pulled it on over your head and let it fall to your thighs before slipping on some of your favorite thigh highs and heading back out into the living room to wait for Yunho.

You sat on the couch, jumping at every sound, your heart pounding over the sound of the clock on the wall ticking each second as it slipped by.

Finally you heard the sound of beeping at the door and quickly scrambled, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on before Yunho had a chance to open the door. A commercial for fried chicken played on the screen as Yunho finally managed to open the door and stumble in. You glanced over and saw he was carrying a huge black duffel bag and a small black plastic bag.

He leaned against the door to shut it as he struggled to pull his trainers off before finally letting the duffel bag drop to the ground and untying his laces.

With one shoe off, he stood up, leaning his back against the wall, his eyes found yours and he immediately perked up, a smile spreading across his face.

"Baby!" he said as he tore off his other shoe, grabbed the duffel bag and hurried over to the couch, dropping the bag at the end of the sofa and sitting beside you, setting the plastic bag on the coffee table before he engulfed you in his warm embrace.

"I didn't think you were still up," he said breathlessly as he hugged you tightly, peering kisses all over your face, making you giggle. You smiled as he pulled back and quickly stood to unzip his coat and moved to put it away, tripping over the duffle bag.

You hid a laugh as he cursed and kicked the bag before returning to your side. His eyes fell onto what you were wearing and you could have sworn you saw his eyes darken momentarily before he plopped down next to you, resting his arm on the couch behind you.

"I wasn't sure if you'd eaten, so I brought you something," he said, gesturing to the plastic bag. You smiled, turning to look at him.

"You're always so thoughtful," you replied, getting to your feet and grabbing the bag. You took it to the kitchen, not aware of the way his eyes followed your figure or the way he licked his lips at the sight of you in nothing but his shirt and some thigh highs.

As you came back to the sofa, your eyes roamed his body as well. He was wearing a plain black tee and some gray sweatpants. If you didn't know your boyfriend better, you'd think he was trying to seduce you because he knew you loved it when he wore sweatpants. Especially the gray ones.

You moved to sit beside him but Yunho was faster, grabbing you by the waist and forcing you to sit on his lap instead of the cushion.

You let out a tiny surprised "oh" as you fell onto him but immediately melted against him as his arms wrapped around your waist and buried his face into your chest.

"You must be exhausted," you murmured, stroking his hair and smiling as he relaxed into your touch. "Mhm," he mumbled, the sound rumbled from his chest and you continued to stroke his hair, massaging his scalp as only you could do for him.

The stylists usually did this to promote hair growth but no one could do it the way you did. Yunho often asked you to massage his scalp after he had his hair dyed because he loved the way your fingers worked against his scalp. He loved the way your nails dragged against his skin and the slight tugs you gave him that almost had him groaning at the feeling.

It was no secret between the two of you Yunho loved to be rough and manhandle you but he liked it when you were rough back. He loved it when you pulled his hair and bit him as he fucked you senseless.

You could feel him start to grow hard under you as you massaged his scalp, tugging on his hair and raking your nails over his skin.

Yunho shifted you so you were straddling his lap, his face now pressed into your neck as you continued to massage him.

You tried to act innocent and like his hands sliding over your body wasn't affecting you but you'd be lying if you said you weren’t completely soaking your panties as his large hands grabbed your ass and slid down to caress your thighs.

You let out a sigh as you felt Yunho's mouth move against the skin of your throat, kissing, nipping, and licking. You tilted your head to the side, giving him more to explore as your hands continued to tug his hair. Yunho finally let out a groan, his hips bucking up into you and grinding his hard cock against your wet panties.

"Mm, fuck," you moaned, moving your own hips to chase his and grind down against him again.

You let out a gasp as Yunho’s hands grabbed your hips, guiding them to grind over his cock again. "You have no idea what you do to me, sweetheart, do you?" he asked, pushing you back slightly so he could look you in the eyes.

His own were dark, pupils blown and clouded with an animalistic desire to ruin you, his tiny girlfriend.

"I think I have some idea," you whispered, grinding down against him again and watching as his eyes fluttered shut, lips parting as a moan came out. His head fell back against the cushions as you continued to grind on him, the material of your panties sticking to you, pressing against your clit.

"Yunnie," you whimpered, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip as you chased your orgasm.

Yunho's hands stopped you, grabbing your waist and lifting you slightly. "Nuh-uh," he said, shaking his head. "Not like this."

Before you could answer, Yunho had stood, throwing you over his shoulder and started carrying you to your shared bedroom.

Once inside, he hastily deposited you on the bed and reached for his drawstring, fingers stilling as he looked down and then back up with a devilish smirk.

"You made quite the mess, baby," he said as he slowly untied the drawstring of his pants, watching you watch him through heavy lids.

"Spread your legs for me," he said, moving his hands to your knees and encouraging you to move.

You did so slowly, parting your thighs and showing him the absolutely soaked through cloth that adorned your aching core.

Yunho tutted, moving one hand down between your thighs and running his thumb over the wet fabric. "My sweet little angel is all wet," he said softly, switching to two fingers as he dragged them back up, sending a shiver up your spine.

"This can't be comfortable," he added, hooking a finger under the material and pulling it back slightly, exposing your wet slit to the cool air.

"Is it uncomfortable, baby?" he asked, his fingers barely brushing against your hole. You nodded silently, looking up at him with pleading eyes asking him to remove your panties.

"Then let's just get rid of them, yeah?" he asked, leaning over and towering over you as he stood beside where you lay on your back.

You nodded as his hands moved, starting at your knees and sliding up the tops of your thighs before moving them to the sides of your hips and hooking his fingers under the waistband of your panties.

He maintained eye contact as he slowly pulled the fabric down, pulling the wet crotch away from your heat and sliding them further down your thighs, still as slowly as possible and smearing your arousal down the inside of your thighs.

You had no idea exactly how wet you had gotten earlier but it was apparent now that you were drenched.

Once your panties had been removed and discarded, Yunho's hands were back on your knees, pushing your legs apart and pushing them back slightly to expose your core to him.

Your eyes watched as he tore his gaze from your face to look between your thighs and he bit his lip, holding back the urge to groan at the sight of your slick skin and tiny hole waiting to be filled.

"Goddamn, is this all for me, tiny girl?" he asked, glancing back up to meet your gaze. You nodded again. "Yes," you managed to squeak out. "It's all for you," you added.

Yunho's smirk returned as his hands slid up the inside of your thighs and stopped just before your sex. "Fuck, I can't wait to ruin this pretty little pussy," he muttered, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth. His words had your walls clenching around nothing, prompting you to wiggle your hips, begging for something.

"Please, Yunho," you whispered, looking up at him through your lashes. "Please touch me."

The sound Yunho let out sounded somewhere between a moan and a growl as he dropped to his knees beside the bed, pulling your hips to the edge of the mattress and started pressing slow, deliberate kisses along the inside of your thigh, moving closer and closer to your core only to pass over it and spread kisses along the inside of your other thigh.

You let out a whine, one hand moving to brush your boyfriend’s hair back before settling on his cheek, prompting him to look up at you from between your thighs.

The hungry look in his eyes had heat spreading throughout your body. You wanted nothing more than for him to dive in and abuse your clit with his tongue but you knew he was a man of patience and liked to take his time with you and that's exactly what he was going to do.

When he finally tore his gaze from your face, it was to press light, feathery kisses on either side of your sex before his tongue slipped between your lips, finding your clit and immediately swirling around it in slow, even circles.

His light touches from before paired with the teasing kisses to your thighs made your body sensitive to every lick and flick of his tongue against the sensitive nub, your thighs threatening to close on his head. Thankfully, Yunho was much stronger and kept your thighs in place while he continued toying and teasing your clit and slit.

Your fingers combed through Yunho’s hair as he looked up at you with a heavy lidded stare. His fingers toyed with your entrance before finally pushing one finger in slowly, making you hiss at the intrusion, legs spreading further for him. “That’s it baby,” he breathed. “Such a good girl for me.”

You mewled, words failing as his finger continued to pump in and out of you slowly, his tongue dragging over your clit again. “You gonna cum for me?” He asked softly, chuckling when you nodded with a whine.

“Fuck, angel, you’re doing so well,” he murmured, teasing your clit with the tip of his tongue before sucking on it. Your thighs shook, a small cry sounding from the back of your throat as he added a second finger, lightly scissoring them, preparing you to take his cock. He learned from past experience you needed a decent amount of prep before he could even get the head in.

The lewd sounds coming from between your thighs had your skin heating up, a blush blossoming over your cheeks with every squelch. “Yunhooo,” you whined, drawing out his name.

You heard him chuckled, his hot breath fanning over your wet core. “You’re so wet for me, little one,” he muttered, fingers pistoning into you at a much quicker pace. “I can’t wait to split you open.”

A shiver ran down your spine at his words, walls gripping his fingers tightly as you imagined it was his huge cock instead. Yunho cursed under his breath, watching the way his fingers disappeared inside you.

“Think you can take another one?” He asked, looking up past your rising and falling chest as you struggled to breathe evenly. Without letting you answer, he added a third finger, hissing as your soaking cunt sucked him in, his tongue back on your clit as he continued to finger fuck your hole.

“Shit, ‘m gonna cum” you moaned, back arching as you felt the tension build in your lower abdomen, like a rubber band being pulled back until it snapped and you came with a whine, muttering your boyfriend’s name as your hips moved, riding out your high as it washed over you.

Yunho removed his fingers, more than willing to let you use his tongue, flattening it as you rode out the waves of your orgasm until your body shuddered and he pulled away, chin and lips coated in your arousal.

You blinked up at him as he climbed onto the bed, hovering over your small frame, dipping down to kiss you, his tongue slipping into your mouth and allowing you to taste yourself.

“Come here,” he purred, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you up easily, scooting you further back on the bed. “As much as I love seeing you in my clothes, little one, let’s take this off, shall we?” He said softly, fingers skimming your hips as he grabbed the fabric of the shirt you’d stolen.

You said up, allowing him to slip it off and drop it off the bed onto the floor. He’d clean up later.

You laid back against the sheets now completely bare as Yunho kneeled between your thighs, his large hands holding your waist and pulling you against him, pressing his hard on against you. You pouted, looking up at your large boyfriend who merely smiled at your pout.

“What’s wrong, little one?” he cooed, peering down at you as his hands moved, sliding up your body until he cupped your chest, thumb brushing over your hardened nipples. “You’re still wearing clothes,” you murmured, hands reaching out to brush against his stomach over the plain tee he wore.

He chuckled softly, moving his hand to take yours, marveling at the sheer difference in size.

He ducked his head down, turning your hand over in his and pressing a kiss to your palm. “Do you want me to take this off?” He asked, grabbing the hem of his shirt with his other hand, his smile widening as you nodded.

“Oh, alright, baby,” he cooed and released your hand, grabbing the back of his collar and pulling his shirt off easily, discarding it on the floor.

Your eyes roamed his body from his broad shoulders down his chest to his tummy where you could see the start of a trail of hair leading down past the waistband of his sweats. Your eyes raised back up to meet his gaze, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as a smirk formed on his lips.

“You like what you see?” He asked softly, leaning over, rolling his hips into yours, pressing his erection into your wet heat. You nodded, not trusting your voice to speak. “You wanna see more?” He whispered, lips ghosting over yours, chuckling when you moaned and nodded again.

He pulled back, settling back on his heels as he kneeled between your thighs. His hands moved to the waistband of his sweats, thumbs hooking under the material and pushing them down along with his boxers.

He moved slowly, maintaining eye contact as a way to tease you. You started to get impatient, moving to push your foot against his hip. “Baby~” you mewled. “Don’t tease.”

Yunho’s smirk spread and he pushed his pants down quickly, his cock springing free. You barely had time to look as he moved to discard his sweats and underwear but was back between your legs quickly.

You licked your lips as he hooked his arms under your knees, pulling your body flush with his before guiding his cock to lay against your stomach. “I know I ask this every time,” he said in a husky voice, looking down at his length resting against you, almost reaching your navel. “But you sure you can take all of this, angel?”

You glanced down at his cock, moving your hand to take it in your hand and making him hiss at the contact.

You could only give him a couple good strokes before he took your hand, grabbing both wrists in one hand and pinning them to the mattress. “Yes,” you squeaked. “I can take it.”

Your words paired with the way you looked up at him had his heart pounding, the animalistic urge to just ram his cock into you and fuck you until you went dumb came over him but he managed to resist.

This time.

Instead, he pulled back slightly, guiding the tip of his cock to your waiting slit. Your body shuddered as he rubbed against your folds, pressing against your clit lightly before he slowly started to sink into your cunt.

On instinct, you spread your legs wider to accommodate him as he leaned further over you.

Your lips parted as a moan slipped out, each inch he gave you stretching you out. It didn’t matter how many times you took his cock, it was always still a task to get the whole length inside you.

Yunho paused, hand still pinning your wrists above your head, the other hand moving to brace his weight so he wouldn’t crush you against the mattress. “Fuuuuuck,” he hissed, eyes fluttering shut as your walls squeezed him, enticing him in further. He had to take a few breaths, trying to regain his composure. His cock twitched, threatening to blow his load immediately.

It didn’t matter how many times he gave you his cock, you were still just as tight as the first time he fucked you.

“Yunnie, please,” you whimpered, hips rolling up to meet his, allowing him to slide in further. “Please, more.”

The way you looked under him, so small and already looking so fucked out, spurred him. He pressed further into you, sliding in with ease thanks to your earlier orgasm and his prep work.

It only took a few more moments until he was buried fully inside you. “Fuck me,” he groaned, cock twitching as you squeezed around him. His eyes dropped, falling onto the slight bulge just under your belly button.

“Would you look at that,” Yunho chuckled, moving his free hand to press down on it. You let out a moan, pussy clenching his length and drawing a moan from him. “Keep doing that and I won’t be able to hold back,” he hissed. You whimpered, thighs tightening around his hips. “Don’t hold back, Yunnie,” you cooed, raising your hips, trying to fuck yourself on him.

Yunho released your wrists, placing both hands on the mattress and pulling out slightly, only to thrust back into you, making you cry out as your body shifted up the sheets from the force.

Yunho chuckled darkly, his hands gripping your hips as he held you still, pulling back and thrusting into you again. “Oh, fuck,” you cursed, your own hands moving to grab his wrists.

“Keep going,” you moaned. “Don’t stop.”

Obliging your request, Yunho set a steady but heavy pace, thrusting sharply into you, each drag of his cock had you moaning, your grip on his wrists tightening as you tried to ground yourself.

“You’re taking me so well,” Yunho panted, eyes falling between your legs where he watched himself disappear inside your body repeatedly. “Oh fuck,” he moaned, eyes fluttering shut. “’m not gonna last,” he added, opening his eyes to look down at you.

“Cum for me, then,” you moaned but he shook his head. “Not until you’ve cum on this cock like a good girl,” he groaned, pulling your hips to meet his thrusts. One of your hands moved, grabbing a fistful of the sheets under you as you cried out.

“You cum for me first,” Yunho argued, increasing speed as he felt your cunt spasm around him. “That’s it. You’re doing so good, angel,” he continued, eyes shutting as he lost himself in the feeling. “Fuck! Be a good little girl and cum on my cock,” he growled, chasing his high as your orgasm crashed over you.

You let out a cry of his name, moans slipping out between curses as he helped you ride out your second orgasm.

“Fuuuuck,” Yunho hissed, feeling his own climax approaching. “Shit!”

You gasped as he pulled out of you, just in time to release all over your stomach, his hand gripping his cock as he squeezed every last drop out.

Looking down at the mess he created, Yunho couldn’t help but chuckle as he tried to regain control of his breathing. “S-sorry baby,” he stuttered. You glanced down at your stomach and back up at him. Your hands moved, reaching up for him. “S’okay,” you muttered sleepily.

Yunho laced his fingers with yours and brought each hand up, kissing the back of them before he released his grip. “I really made a mess,” he said, clicking his tongue disapprovingly at his own actions.

You opened your mouth to respond but gasped when he leaned over, dragging his tongue over your skin, lapping up his own essence. “Yunho!” You whispered, in awe of what he’d just done. He drew level with you, taking your cheeks in his hand and squeezed, forcing your mouth open.

His tongue entered your mouth, depositing his cum on your own tongue, turning into a sloppy kiss.

“That was so dirty!” you hissed when he pulled back. He smiled cheekily at you, giving you a shrug.

“Yeah, but you liked it, so… that makes you just as nasty as me, tiny girl.”

[imyourbratzdoll]

𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍

part 2 of 🌧️welcome to hell🌧️

summary - after catching your husband and best friend, you struggle with the negative thoughts that attack your mind.

warning - mentions of cheating, negative thoughts, self-hate, betrayal.

the gif I use isn't mine, headers by me.

part 1 - part 3

Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

Your thoughts were running wild as tears continued rolling down your face, your lip bleeding from all the biting you were doing. You ignored the pain as your teeth dug once again into your bottom lip, you didn’t want him to hear you. You couldn’t confront him right now, your chest felt like it had been stabbed a thousand times and then someone had reached inside, gripping your heart, and squeezing.

You clutched your hands close to you as you lean forward, mouth falling open into a silent scream, tears rapidly falling before quiet sobs escape and your hands move to grip the sheets. Him fucking her kept replaying on repeat, like a broken record. Your head tilted back as you continued to cry, vision blurry as tears filled them and you stared up at the ceiling. Questions continued to intrude your mind alongside the image of them.

Why weren’t you good enough? 

Why did they do this? 

Was this the first time? 

Could you have done better to stop this from happening?

Maybe if you were prettier than her, he wouldn’t have cheated.

Your thoughts continue to attack you and you quickly pull the blanket to your mouth as you sob into it, clenching your eyes shut, more tears slipping out from the force and pain. After a few more minutes of crying, you had finally begun to calm down, only a couple more tears slipped from your eyes.

You looked down at your left hand, staring brokenly at your wedding and engagement ring. Did the vows you two spoke mean nothing to him? You played with your rings as you thought back to your wedding day, realising something you probably should’ve on the day.

You were standing there, looking at yourself in the full-length mirror. Your eyes were scanning your wedding dress with a soft smile as you felt like a princess. Your gaze snapped up as the door opened and Sarah stumbled in with a smile, her hair slightly ruffled and her lipstick smudged. She looked up at you and smiled– Looking back at it, the smile didn’t look at all friendly, it leaned more towards it being a smile someone gives you when they know something you don’t, one that seemed almost malicious. 

“Sorry, I got a bit caught up.” Sarah bit her lip, moving closer. “Oh! I ran into Johnny on the way back and he looked good. He didn’t seem like he had cold feet or anything.”

You smile, sighing happily. “Yeah?”

She nods, fixing her makeup and hair in the mirror before turning to you. “Yeah, he really seems to love you, Y/n.” When you walked down the aisle, his hair was slightly tousled, and you missed the lipstick stain hidden in the collar of his shirt. You were too blinded on your wedding day, eyes and heart filled with love and dreams. If you weren’t so blind, you would’ve seen the looks the two were giving each other. 

You blink out of the memory, realising this whole time it was before your eyes, but you were too blind. You thought Johnny had changed from what everyone knew him as, but he had just found new ways to lie. You crawl to the side of your bed and reach underneath it, pulling out a photo album filled with your wedding photos. Sitting back, you open it and begin to flick through, your eyes narrowed as you search for something, anything. You don’t know if you want to confirm your memory or not, but you couldn’t stop yourself as you continued to flick through every single photo. Analysing every little detail like your life depended on it.

You stopped, your hand slightly shaking as you stared down at one. It was a close up of you and Johnny, your eyes zeroed in on the small stain inside his collar, the colour matching awfully close to the one your best friend was wearing on the day. You flicked to another photo, your breath catching as you notice how close they are in this photo, they had been getting food and you didn’t think much of it. But now, as you stare down at the photo, you realise it wasn’t normal for them to be THAT close, with THAT look on their faces. Their fingers seemed to be brushing and your heart clenched because at this point, you were married. He CHEATED on you on your WEDDING day. He cheated with your BEST FRIEND… She betrayed you… They betrayed you.

You choke up when you remember a conversation you overheard from one of his friends.

“Damn, did you guys see the chick Johnny went home with during his bachelor party last night?!” The guy whistled as if he was imagining the woman. “She was so fucking hot! I think she’s close with Y/n? She’s that one–”

“Yeah, yeah! I know who ya talkin’ about! She’s fuckin’ fine!” Another one of his friends chimed in, “You’re tellin’ me he managed to score her before the big day?!”

“Yeah! Apparently, she’s so good, he’s gonna keep seeing her.” There was a pause. “Which should be easy for him seeing as his soon–to–be wife is close to the woman.” 

You didn’t know why you had forgotten that conversation, maybe somewhere deep down you were hoping they were talking about another Johnny, another Y/n, another wedding. It was as though your mind and heart worked together to stop you from being hurt. You wouldn’t have gone through with the wedding if you knew he fucked your best friend at his bacholer party! You would’ve been saved from the hurt from what happened afterwards. You would’ve never caught them, you would’ve never remembered her coming in after doing god knows what with him on your wedding day.

He said he loved you with a knife against your throat. All his words and promises began to feel like nothing, because that was what they were. Nothing. They never had any meaning behind them, the only person who thought they did was you. You had been fooled all this time. You wondered why he still never slept with you after your wedding night. Was he sleeping with her this whole time? You rarely saw her, so they would’ve had to meet up secretly. Was she that much better than you that it caused him to just never want to sleep with you again? Or was it in some twisted way, his way of being faithful to her, even though you held his last name? 

You hadn’t realised you had started crying again, still so softly as to not alert the man in the house. Your body began to feel weak and drained, with the last bit of energy you could muster, you slipped the photo album back into place before drifting off into a nightmare filled sleep. 

You had woken up ten minutes before Sarah got back, you decided to pretend things were slightly normal for now until you could figure out what to do. You let yourself wake up before heading down to the lounge room, sitting with Johnny, you stare blankly at the game on the screen. The front door opened and from the corner of your eye, you watched as your husband became excited when he heard it. It was strange… Before you never even noticed the smallest things, now it seemed as though everything had enhanced. 

Sarah walked into the room, and you watched as her eyes landed on Johnny first before she even noticed you. You watched as her demeanour immediately changed and she flashed you a very fake smile. You returned it, even though your face was fighting against the action. It felt you weren’t even there when she sat close to your husband. You felt like an outsider in your own home, your own marriage. You watched as they acted like this was routine for them, like it was natural. You felt like you weren’t the one married to him. You didn’t know what hurt more. 

Your thoughts ran wild as the three of you sat there, watching the screen. Well, you were watching the screen… 

What were you going to do?

How were you going to get through this? 

Would this be your life if you couldn’t find anywhere to go? Couldn’t find it in yourself to leave? 

Would you one day wake to your best friend telling you she’s pregnant, but never mentioning the father. Only for you to know and watch as your husband dotes on his child with another woman. 

Would you ever find love again if you left? 

Could you even leave? 

How long were people expected to leave when they’ve found out their partner is cheating on them? Immediately? Weeks? Months? Years? 

Could you really be alone again? 

A voice in the back of your mind spoke, criticizing you, questioning you. Did you actually think you mattered to him? Silly silly girl. You mean nothing to him… Just look at them, so perfect together, like they were made for each other. You are just getting in the way. You were so stupid for not seeing it before. 

This is your own fault for being so blind. 

You were brought out of your thoughts when she stood, sneaking Johnny a look. “I’m gonna head to bed, I’m exhausted.” Her smile stretched so wide as she looked at you, reminding you of the one she gave on your wedding day. “Thank you so much for letting me stay again, Y/n. I’ve missed us being together.” Was that a double meaning behind her words? You couldn’t bring yourself to reply, only nodding with another fake smile.

You watched as your husband watched her walk away, with a look he had never looked at you with. Your heart followed with each step your best friend took. Your gaze moved back to the tv when Johnny turned his attention to you. “Do you think we should head off as well? I’m pretty beat.” He stands and stretches, not even waiting for your response as he is already heading to the bedroom.

You sit there for a minute, your mind filled only with negative thoughts, your eyes and heart heavy. 

This was your fault. You weren’t good enough. This is your fault.

thank you for reading!

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