#for illustrating how they’re on a path together metaphorically

[jamiesfootball]

Roy does not look happy with Jamie’s Amsterdam story long before Jamie meanders towards what happened.

Like the second Jamie says ‘he was acting like some sort of super dad or some shit’ Roy shoots him a look like where’s this fucking going and his brow does not un-crease from there

[maccreadysbaby]

Writing Tips!

category : angst

a few tips on writing angst! all examples provided are from my own works, linked next to the quotation!

— ☢︎ —

when describing a character who’s at their breaking point, completely ready to be done with all of this, metaphors and similes are key. metaphors and similes are one of the best ways to help a reader understand how the character feels without directly telling them. they make the statement more powerful and atmosphere-painting.

ex. ❝He felt a it coming; a catastrophic storm brewing somewhere deep inside of him that would demolish everything in its path,❞ (x)

ex. ❝The anxiety that clawed at his throat was so familiar it was like an old friend.❞ (x)

don’t just talk about your character being weak, show us! describe how they’re moving, (if they are) how they’re breathing, wincing, groaning, limping, how with every step they take a new wave of unbearable pain reverberates through their bones.

ex. ❝He couldn’t take a step without nearly falling over from the vertigo, and he’d thrown up whatever fuel was left inside him all over the pre-war pavement of the city. He was officially running on empty.❞ (x)

❝Pulling his eyes open only made it worse, and he groaned in agony, squirming slightly on top of whatever hard surface he was laying on to try and ease the pain. It didn’t work.❞ (x)

when a character is sad or about to cry, don’t just describe it by tears! albeit, tears can be a powerful writing tool for a character whose never cried before, such as one of mine in my wip novel. but for characters that are already heavily emotional, use other descriptions and features. a facial expression can illustrate heartbreak, they can lash out in anger when they’re trying to keep it together, and when they hit they’re breaking point, meltdown style, then you can introduce the tears. just make sure you make the pain the focal point of the work, and not the crying. let the crying be the result of the pain, don’t let the crying introduce the pain. characters don’t need to cry to show that they’re hurting. it might be frantic shuffling, making jokes, sitting in silence, not being themselves, etc.

ex. ❝Their last words came out as a half-voiced whimper, but Deacon flinched like they’d screamed it. Little did they know, it’d hit him like a bullet to the chest.❞ (x)

ex. ❝It was his mask: hide the brokenness with a warm smile and a nice laugh. “Heart still beating and all?” He continued with a half-hearted chuckle.❞ (x)

if you’ve previously established your characters having some kind of trait that implies they would handle trauma or pain in a certain way, don’t change it! if your character is known for running to drugs, don’t make them suddenly just burst into tears in front of the main character. if your characters blunt, make them say it bluntly. if your characters a known crybaby, let them have a cry. just don’t stray from your character build to accommodate emotions — after all, emotions don’t control your character, you do! let those characters handle it how they know to until they can’t anymore. then their final breakdown will have more meaning.

ex. ❝They hadn’t seen Scout in a solid two days, nor had they heard anything about him from anyone. He was standing next to the doorway, dark eyes whiter than normal, hands trembling by his sides. He was sweating almost profusely and looked like he was terrified. If they didn’t know any better, they’d think he was just super worried. But they knew better. The question was, how bad would the withdrawals be this time?❞ (x)

ex. ❝’I’m not (okay),’ He admitted simply, shifting his gaze back towards the noodle robot ahead.❞ (x)

include internal dialogue. even if you’re writing in third and not first person, you can still include internal dialogue! simply interjecting the thoughts into the text like another sentence. it will feel like the characters asking the question or making the statement. it’s a key part of letting the reader in on how your character feels, thinks, and handles their pain.

ex. ❝Why her? Why him? Why them? He knew why — it was his own fault. His own past choices. He’d done this to himself.❞ (x)

ex. ❝His body was aching, and he couldn’t remember the last time he ate or drank, but his own relief wasn’t in the question. What kind of relief did he deserve when his son was sick? Dying?❞ (x)

[dreamctz]

parallel lines: running in run on

I have to applaud how layered and nuanced run on is, not only in terms of character development, but also in terms of cinematography. and one of the most salient examples is how the reoccurring theme of running is used to symbolize the progression and collision of the lives of our two leads.

in the first few minutes of episode 1, mi-joo and seen-gyeom’s activities are shown side by side, two seemingly unrelated lives running in parallel, while they’re also shown literally running, ultimately ending up at the same film festival. this sequence emphasizes how similar, yet different they are: seon-gyeom neatly ties up his white sneakers while mi-joo frantically slips into her worn converse; seon-gyeom leisurely jogs in his neighborhood while mi-joo sprints down the street, clearly pressed for time; seon-gyeom stops to pet a dog while mi-joo is angrily barked at by another; seon-gyeom gets his make-up done by a stylist while mi-joo does her own in the back of a taxi.

they’re going through the same motions of daily life, but the subtle class- and personality-based differences highlight the distance between the two, as if they’re two parallel lines, similar but never crossing (until later). this opening montage is a brilliant introduction the drama, offering a glimpse into seon-gyeom and mi-joo’s characters and orienting the story within the symbolism of physically running to reflect metaphorically running through the course of life.

after their paths finally cross, running is used again to illustrate how they’ve intersected each other’s lives, specifically in the two scenes where mi-joo runs past seon-gyeom to catch the thief in the park and where seon-gyeom runs past mi-joo accidentally when he’s late for their meeting. in the former scene in episode 1, seon-gyeom is preoccupied with his phone call with dan-ah, discussing their upcoming meeting to which he is heading. mi-joo sprints past him and cuts his conversation short, ultimately causing him to miss his meeting.

the latter scene in episode 2 mirrors the former, even down to the camera angles. mi-joo is strolling down the street with her earphones in (ty @strawberry1212​ for pointing this out and discussing this with me), engrossed in the music and observing the foliage and people in the vicinity. she’s simply going about her life, comfortable in her own solitary existence as she takes in the pleasant scenery around her—until seon-gyeom interrupts her thoughts as he literally runs into her life.  

in both scenes, one person runs past the other, furthering the idea that they’re two parallel lines—two separate lives—on two different courses. they’re initially out of sync, set on their own respective paths and absorbed in their own lives, until the other enters the picture and gives them a reason to turn around. the central tension in their relationship seems to stem from this lack of synchronization. mi-joo and seon-gyeom struggle to understand one another throughout the drama, given different living habits and incongruities in expressing their feelings. their class differences also come into play when seon-gyeom’s father disparages mi-joo and repeatedly denounces seon-gyeom and mi-joo’s relationship.

regardless of this dissonance, their meeting drastically alters and entangles their trajectories: seon-gyeom establishes mi-joo’s new “finish line,” signified by knocking the thief down to halt her chase, while mi-joo, as seon-gyeom describes over drinks later, has become his new literal and metaphorical finish line as he rushes to meet her. throughout the drama, they strive to comprehend one another and build their relationship, as different as their lives and perspectives may be, which is illustrated by the scene in episode 7 where seon-gyeom matches his stride with mi-joo’s. he attempts to literally synchronize with her steps, just as he tries to become attuned to her thoughts and way of life. in this way, running motifs are masterfully incorporated into many of the scenes to mirror the coming together of these parallel lives in motion.

there’s a plethora of other mentions of running (there’s an interesting fixation on shoes throughout, but I’ll save that for a different post). I can’t forget the most obvious one: the title itself, which encapsulates the central message of “running on,” striving toward your goals, pushing forward in the face of adversity, and simply going through life.

I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical about the synopsis of the drama and it’s focus on seon-gyeom’s running profession. it came off as gimmicky in a way, as if the writers were trying to pair quirkiest and most random combination of jobs for the main leads in true kdrama fashion. national running athlete + translator? perfect. but the writers have excelled in seamlessly and consistently weaving the theme of running into the storyline. it feels so cohesive and intentional that I can’t imagine seon-gyeom being anything other than a (former) running athlete or the drama being centered around anything other than running. it has become an indispensable part of the narrative, not just a throwaway idea to initially bring the two leads together, never to be referenced again. and it’s the part of the narrative that’s likely to resonate with the viewers the most because it represents universal themes of moving forward and progressing through life, experiences we can relate to even if we can’t relate to the characters’ unique circumstances.

[delimeful]

my virtues uncounted (4)

winner of august’s second monthly fic poll! hope you enjoy!

warnings: antagonist/villain remus, panic, injury, blood, cliffhanger

previous chapters

-

In the time it took for everyone else to get worked into a panic, Logan had come up with a few theories on why, exactly, their connection with Thomas would be so suddenly muted.

Of course, many of those theories were only useful if they could be proven, and seeing as they  had a limited amount of time and space to work with, he could set them aside to figure out the direct, exact cause another time.

For now, the priority was finding their way back home. Once they were able to reconnect with their part of the mindscape, their connection with Thomas would also hopefully repair itself.

“Think of our current status as dealing with some temporary interference,” he told the others. “Once we leave the subconscious, our metaphorical signals should reach Thomas again.”

“‘Should?’” Anxiety asked, looking dubious.

“And how are we to leave when this shadowy scourge is thwarting our every escape attempt?” Roman added, glaring balefully up at Anxiety.

“Hey, you technically haven’t made any escapes yet, so I technically haven’t thwarted anything yet.” Anxiety ignored Roman’s exasperated expression with ease, shrugging. “Schrodinger’s Thwarting.”

“Anxiety, kiddo,” Patton stepped a little closer, pulling them all back on track, “I don’t think we should stay down here for too much longer. It’s not good for us to be disconnected from our rooms like this.”

“And that’s not even mentioning the fact that we don’t know how Thomas is functioning without his core sides connected to him,” Logan added, hoping that the other Side was in a reasonable mood.

Anxiety kept his face neutral, but Logan could see the little crease between his eyebrows and the way he went slightly paler. “It’s still too dangerous to risk without a plan.”

“And with a plan?” Logan pressed.

Anxiety’s shoulders bunched up even further, and for a moment he was worried he’d gone too far, but then the other Side let out an irritated sigh.

“If it’s actually that concerning, and I can more than imagine how it could be, then. I guess. We could try. With a plan,” he emphasized as Patton perked up excitedly. “One that I agree to.”

“That’ll only take us a lifetime,” Roman grumbled, but even he seemed revitalized now that they were getting somewhere.

Logan found himself getting excited as well. “In that case, I need all the information you have on routes to neutral territory and the weather cycles here.”

Anxiety materialized the data into files on a touchscreen phone, which would work quite efficiently as a display considering their size. “Good luck figuring anything out. This end of the mindscape is way more… chaotic. Stuff’s always changing.”

“I don’t mind a challenge,” Logan reassured him, and then set to work making spreadsheets and comparing trends. It was almost soothing.

In the background, he could hear Patton asking about who they were most likely to encounter if they attempted to beeline for the neutral zone, and Roman bartering for possession of his sword back. (The trade seemed to be settling on Anxiety handing over the sword in exchange for no stabbing and no nicknames for a week. Roman was perhaps more reluctant to stop generating witty quips than necessary.)

As Logan suspected, when Anxiety didn’t feel implicitly threatened by them, he was much more open. Though, that might have also been the exposure to Patton’s determined friendliness, which Anxiety seemed to eye with the wariness of a stray cat. He’d have to bring this up the next time they had a debate about the effectiveness of so many of Thomas’s Sides being hidden away.

Now wasn't the time for that, however. Now was the time for action, as Roman liked to proclaim.

“I’ve found the best path for us to take,” he announced, drawing all eyes to him.

Probably no time for an illustrative powerpoint to demonstrate how he’d come to this conclusion. Perhaps later. A summary of the plan would do fine.

Roman and Patton glanced up at the large side frequently, but Anxiety listened with a critical attentiveness that Logan found himself appreciating. At the end, his brow was furrowed, but he didn’t seem fully decided one way or the other.

“This plan will only work in our current time frame,” Logan cautioned. “As you said, the landscape of this place is always shifting, so we need to take advantage of the patterns that we can. I expect getting lost would not end well.”

Anxiety nodded, and then seemed to come to a decision.

“If you’re certain that it’s the best time… Fine, I’ll believe you.” Anxiety grumped, his body language already displaying several signs that he was growing nervous at the idea.

Logan blinked once, genuinely surprised that he had convinced the other Side, before regaining his composure. No time to be touched by Anxiety’s apparent faith in him. “All the data I reviewed points to this being the best opportunity.”

“One condition,” Anxiety said, holding up a finger. “If it seems like the plan has failed and things get dangerous, our backup plan is giving me access so I can rise up.”

Roman raised a sharp eyebrow, his sword once again sheathed at his side. “I seem to distinctly recall you freaking out about that idea?”

Anxiety made a face at him. “Yeah, and I’ll continue to not like it, but if it keeps you losers from getting discorporated, I’ll deal. Do you guys agree or not?”

Logan traded looks with the other two, and then nodded. “It’s a reasonable backup plan.”

“Sure,” Anxiety snorted, and then hesitated for a moment before reaching out and placing his uninjured hand palm up on the table next to them.

Patton plopped himself down immediately, but Roman wasn’t as eager.

“I am not going back in your pocket,” Roman told him, unimpressed. “Lint on my outfit is a no-no, let alone giant lint.”

“Your outfit is already ruined,” Anxiety snapped back, rolling his eyes. The blood on the white outfit somewhat resembled a candy cane.

Logan raised a hand to interject before it could become an argument. “If I may suggest, your hood seems like it would both give us more space and allow for a vantage point to watch your back.”

“I can watch my own back,” Anxiety growled, and then sighed. “Just don’t fall out.”

He was exceedingly careful as he reached behind him to the hood of his jacket, and the three of them had no problem getting in, though they did end up knocking a few limbs against each other in the process.

As Logan expected, it was much easier to grip the folds of the hoodie fabric and looking over the edge of it gave them a vertigo-inducing view.

“Okay,” Anxiety said, sounding as though he was speaking more to himself than them. “Let’s do this. It’s probably going to crash and burn horribly, but whatever.”

“Remind me to speak with you about cognitive distortions later,” Logan mused.

From where he was peeking over Virgil’s shoulder, Patton cheered. “Woohoo, you can do it!”

“With our talents to help, we can’t fail,” Roman added, making some sort of dramatic flourish that Anxiety couldn't even see. “Onwards!”

“What am I, a horse?” Anxiety shot back, and then firmed his shoulders slightly and stepped to his door. “Remember, low in the hoodie so you aren’t seen.”

After receiving a chorus of agreements, he took an audible breath and stepped through the door.

The hoodie bounced slightly against his back with every step, but nothing too jarring. Logan resisted the completely illogical urge to hold his breath as they descended the creaking stairs.

After a long moment, Anxiety’s shoulders lowered slightly. “Nobody’s down here.”

He picked his way carefully through the living area, until they were back where they started, at that huge, weathered front door. It seemed much less insurmountable from Anxiety’s eye level. The other Side grabbed the knob and pushed it open, stepping over the threshold.

They all let out a breath of relief.

From there, Logan’s attention was consumed with providing directions in a low mutter, carefully navigating their way through the shifting, fog-covered landscape. Patton occasionally pointed out a distant landmark he maybe recognized, mostly unhelpfully.

Still, all factors considered, they made it a fair distance before things went wrong.

Anxiety had just taken the first step over a wooden bridge when the hair-raising cackle split the air behind them. At Logan’s side, Roman latched onto his wrist with an iron grip.

Anxiety held still for a moment longer before turning around, his hands tucked into his pockets in a faux gesture of casualness. “Remus. I thought silently stalking people in the dead of night was too subtle for you?”

There was an unpleasant crack of bone that made Logan glad he couldn’t see Remus. “Wouldn’t want to scare the little emo and his little uninvited stowaways off, would I?”

The three of them exchanged panicked looks. He knew?

Anxiety took a step back, hissing in frustration. “Are you the reason they’re like this? Or Dee?”

Another cackle. “The enchantment was all me! Double D would ruin my fun if he knew. But you’re no spoilsport! I can already feel all the exciting new additions to this game you’re thinking up in that squishy grey matter of yours. We can have a little fun together! Whaddya say?”

Anxiety took another step back, his back twitching with the urge to turn and flee. “Remus. C’mon. Think about Thomas.”

The atmosphere suddenly darkened, sending a chill down Logan’s spine.

“Maybe he’s the one who should be thinking about us,” Remus said, the grin in his voice suddenly much more menacing. “I know you’re tired of being ignored, Anxiety. You’re just as sick of our snakey friend’s interference as I am. Without them, there will be space for us!”

“Thomas needs them,” Anxiety urged, his rough voice a sharp contrast to Remus’s singsong encouragement.

“Puh-lease, we’re not taking them away forever! The Core Bores are like cockroaches; you just can’t get rid of ‘em, even when you crush their little heads.” A thoughtful pause. “They’re just about cockroach-sized now, too!”

Roman’s grip grew painfully tight.

Anxiety shook his head, jostling them slightly, and then began to slowly back across the bridge. The tension in him seemed to scream that he wanted to turn tail and flee, give into his flight instinct. But he couldn’t turn without putting them directly in Remus’s line of sight.

“Don’t be so antsy! I know you want to be noticed as bad as I do,” Remus advanced with slow, predatory steps.

Anxiety was too far from the other end of the bridge. He’d be caught.

Logan made pointed eye contact with the others, and held his free hand out, palm down.

“What I want doesn’t matter here. It’s too risky! It’s. Not. Happening.” They were stepping faster now, the noise overlapping.

Patton nodded once, placing his own hand on top. They both looked to Roman.

“Aw, that’s what I never got about you, emo. You’re always too scared to jump in and grab the bull by the horns! A little goring can be its own kind of fun, y’know.”

Roman’s expression finally turned certain, and he slammed his own hand down, completing the stack.

All of them felt it when the balance shifted, and there was a heartbeat of stillness before everything erupted.

Anxiety turned on his heel and bolted, seconds before a manic, ear-splitting scream split the air from behind them.

“YOU’RE LEAVING US!”

“Rise up!” Roman screeched, clinging to the hood’s fabric for dear life. “Rise up!”

“I don’t know how!” Anxiety yelled back, ducking and weaving through the fog-filled forest that had formed around them. “I’m trying to— it’s not the same as just appearing!”

“You have to stay in one spot and focus,” Patton said, trying hard to keep his voice calm. “You can do this!”

Anxiety came to a standstill, and for a few breathless seconds, they waited.

“It’s… it’s not working!”

“Try and focus on where you want to appear. Let yourself rise, don’t try to control it—“ Logan caught a flicker of movement behind them. “Watch out!”

Anxiety twisted out of the way, a double headed axe thunking into the trunk of a nearby tree. He clenched his fists, closing his eyes tightly, and Logan finally felt the familiar sensation of their part of the mindscape dropping into place around them.

He caught one last glimpse of Remus, body twisted into a throwing gesture and gaze almost shocked, before the scene changed to their living room.

Anxiety staggered, face pale, and the lot of them ended up sprawled over the length of the staircase, ungraceful but undoubtedly home and the right size once more.

A moment spent catching their breath, and then.

“We made it!” Patton yelled, voice cracking in relief as he threw his arms out, laid out on his back.

From the carpeted landing he was still facedown on, Roman grunted an exhausted affirmation.

“It was a close call,” Logan said, pushing himself up and dusting his tie off. “We’ll need to take precautions for the future.”

“Good thing we have Anxiety!” Patton said brightly. “He’s an expert at precautionary measures!”

“As long as he doesn’t precaution Thomas into never going outside again,” Roman muttered, with no real aggression to his tone. He seemed just as glad that Anxiety had gotten them all out of there, if not more.

Anxiety didn’t rise to the bait. Logan turned to thank the other Side properly, and was met with the sight of him curled in over himself, a hunched over ball of hoodie. “... Anxiety?”

With a hoarse cry of pain, the Side yanked something from his side. A comically oversized throwing knife, drenched in a slick coating—

“Oh,” Anxiety said in a small voice, struggling to stem the bloodflow from the stab wound in his torso. “Shit.”

Within seconds, a dark stain began to spread, and Logan immediately lurched forwards, trying to seal the wound, erase it, even just put enough pressure on it to clot the bleeding—

Anxiety inhaled sharply. Nothing about the nature of the wound changed. It wasn’t healing. Logan’s hands were covered in warm-wet-red and nothing was healing.

Past the ringing in his ears, he could hear the others yelling behind him, trying to accelerate Anxiety’s integration into the conscious mind.

All he could focus on was Anxiety’s face, tight with pain and resignation.

“It’s fine,” he muttered, the hitch in his voice betraying him. “We can’t die. It’s fine. Can you— Can you feel Thomas?”

Logan nodded stitedly. The connection was faint, but growing stronger.

Anxiety nodded once, sharply. “Good. That’s— That’s all that matters.”

Then, like the question had been all that was keeping him awake, he went limp like a puppet with strings cut.

[studystock9]

Alabama Basketball: How the Tide's Innovation Continues to Roll

no longer not like its neighbors on the nook lot of Coliseum Boulevard within the Mal M. Moore Athletic complex, Alabama basketball has equivalent decrees to defy as its season soon starts off after sweeping SEC titles, revising checklist books, and losing assertive veterans who led the team in 2020-21 to as short an ascension as the activity's considered. The evident disconnect to Alabama football is that third-12 months educate Nate Oats doesn’t yet have the equity to warrant enthusiasts’ response of ‘however, nonetheless it’s Alabama’ when many in and round college basketball naturally will query where and when Crimson Tide hoops nears its proverbial plateau. however every little thing in basketball can also be quantified, to the decent and dangerous of Alabama skeptics, as as soon as-empirical proof offered via the ‘eye look at various’ has conceded to statistics and analytically-pushed scouting thanks to hoops’ hand-me-down method to growing to be the game via suggestions gathering first by means of the NBA. It’s distinctive now, and Alabama illustrates the activity's evolution in its play with a excessive number of tried three-factor photographs, the sole option to pictures at the rim per analytics, a fast velocity of play, and its have-cake-and-eat-it-too outlook on amount and best being all however together unique in video games won. The volume of shots dictates scoring opportunities just because the pleasant of shot determines the chance of ball stripping nylon. beneath Oats, the Tide is the cat to replica, and nothing illuminates that claim more than a now-growing to be title in faculty basketball it truly is every little thing however for the Alabama teach, the role of a bunch-cruncher and a covert staffer who values the values. Meet Adam Bauman, the Director of Scouting and Analytics for Alabama basketball. he's the assistant unseen, even to accurate-notch cameramen, and his enter to the Tide's innovation, no matter if in recruiting, scouting of opponents, or fashion-spotting outliers in the team's performance via records, is all a part of a job description currently transforming into in popularity. it's simply that his boss spotted the game's path before most else. he is one other pair of eyes as receptive to the role numbers play within the video game as Oats, the excessive school math instructor-became-SEC train of the year. And he's been with him because he turned into at Buffalo, after he served as a supervisor to the Southern Illinois basketball software and spent time as a graduate assistant at diverse stops following commencement from SIU. Bauman enters 12 months three at Alabama, and he is paid his dues of rebuilding the program internally as others have. And he's witnessed its quick growth from year one to yr two under its aggressive chief. Yet, as completed because the Tide became final season, its notion of being offensively-driven is a half-reality. "if you seem to be on the analytics and also you appear at the numbers, the difference was we went from being out of the right a hundred defensively to being in the correct 5 for probably the most part of the season," Bauman said. "after which the 2nd part of the yr we had been suitable-three, so that changed into most likely the biggest change." it be a multi-dissimilar perception to why Alabama generally more desirable defensively from 2019-20 to 2020-21, and here are the numbers: Two years ago, its protective effectivity score changed into ninety nine.5, which ranked 114th nationally. closing season its ranking entire at 87.8, rating third-most fulfilling in school basketball, per KenPom. or not it's personnel, personnel, and, yes, personnel. Oats and Co. ably equalized offenses by way of trotting out longer, greater athletic gamers who were more suitable at smothering ball monitors, shut outs, and other moves that defensively hamstrung the crew the year prior due to less dimension and insurance. subsequently, the Crimson Tide won each the standard season and event championship of its convention, back to the sweet 16 circular of the NCAA event for the first time due to the fact that 2003-04, had an NBA Lottery select for the 2d consecutive season in shelter Joshua Primo, and nonetheless its two-year transition from a first round NIT exit to a trendy ultimate 4 pick amongst event consultants is wondered in that its sustainability invitations accepted reluctance. at the moment, and main as much as early autumn, the instruct-speak cliché of no longer residing on previous performances, negative and otherwise, does not observe to those in the partitions of Coleman Coliseum, the domestic arena of Alabama basketball. Bauman, Oats, and others all binged basketball all offseason to identify talents improvements, previous blunders, and the explanation why the Tide exited within the third circular of the NCAA tournament in its loss to UCLA, a countrywide semifinalist thereafter. though the Bruins weren't a novel focus so much as an usual representation of a barrier to splinter. "We did some deep dives into what went wrong offensively. well, not always what went incorrect, however why we dipped," Bauman talked about. "at the floor stage, simply searching at the stats and where we ranked in definite areas, we acquired our shot blocked a lot and then our turnover cost ended up being pretty bad on the yr." 'Bama ranked 157th within the NCAA with a turnover fee of 18.6 % of its possessions, and in its seven losses it shot forty four p.c on two-element field purpose attempts compared to the season regular of over 50 p.c. element within the Crimson Tide's excessive number of tried three-factor shots—totaling over forty six % of its shots taken, ranking 18th nationally—and you'd determine a lot of these two-factor field goals had been at or close the rim in its losses last season. Bauman attributes its struggles on the rim to either bad reads or indecisiveness, announcing Alabama avid gamers obligatory extra two-footed flora down low to examine the protection, locate an open man, or set up a far better scoring opportunity. in the meantime ... What adjustments had been made, you ask yourself, neatly, the Crimson Tide not directly consulted with one of the vital few consistent contenders of school basketball, Gonzaga, to improve its own software from a distance. See, under educate Mark Few, the Zags are most akin to Alabama upon floor-degree digging, and the one-loss country wide runner-up turned into the only team alongside Oats' crew to each finish with its possessions per forty minutes mark north of seventy three and to conclude within the good 25 of the remaining AP ballot. Gonzaga ranked seventh nationally and Alabama comprehensive eleventh. "There changed into a time when we in reality went via every possession of Gonzaga’s this yr," Bauman talked about. "The largest difference between Gonzaga and us is that they have way greater participant flow. They’re at all times slashing guys, and swing-swing and moving, and that’s how they get more assisted photographs at the rim." “however we’ve also taken some stuff they do and we’ve stated it, about instituting greater player circulation." there is a steadiness, though, given how Alabama likes to operate. In its equipment, if you'd even define it as such with the volume of player freedom it emphasizes, there are less chess items moving at once, but the ones who're moved around the metaphorical board are more consequential to the success of the on-court docket collective. And the Crimson Tide offense cannot stray too far from that. It ties lower back to turnovers, peculiarly in case you accept as true with that Alabama's offense is built on participant reads as opposed to units, performs, or the rest to skew the correct mix of liberal ball move and pressure-then-kick out options. opposite an initiator, the "MIG," the most critical guy away from the ball, as Bauman explained, is who Oats' offense is based on, and his job is to direct protecting traffic to a considerable number of areas of the flooring so Alabama creates its chances and isolates scorers as superior it may devoid of compromising rhythmic timing. but all this makes for a bounce from prep basketball to high-degree SEC play, and prospects who pique the activity of Crimson Tide coaches always share equivalent features. For Oats and his workforce, their recruiting philosophy hasn't modified lots, both. "Positional size is huge, size is huge, athleticism is large, and that they should be in a position to shoot the ball," Bauman spoke of. "if they can shoot it, and that they're lengthy and athletic then we can type of cope with the relaxation." The usual peak of players on the Alabama roster last season was a shade beneath 6-foot-5 at 77.7 inches, and whereas the colloquialism of "big man beats little man" is basically actual in basketball, the video game now champions variables like wingspan and lateral athleticism because it's moved to a extra guard and wing-heavy playstyle with players who're, ideally, able to filling almost every function on the ground. To phrase it in a different way, the sport of faculty basketball may additionally had been in the back of the times of Oats and his personnel considering he became at Buffalo, and everybody is catching on when it comes to roster construction, player development, and enhancements internally. And as imaginative because the Crimson Tide has been on the grounds that Oats' arrival, as well as Bauman and a number of different assistants, the as soon as-clear advantage of zigging to the zag at a mid-important program like Buffalo has diminished. What's left is a body of workers developed by means of the work of Bauman and others who's inclined to well known what should exchange, and due to this fact, might not likely sit still inspite of how many greater trophies accumulate in Coleman Coliseum. "someone's outworking you, somebody's doing something to set themselves aside, and lots of us are aligned in that considering, but it surely all starts with Nate." As for that plateau ... 먹튀검증

[douchebagbrainwaves]

RETURN OF MY TODO LIST

The most impressive people I know are all terrible procrastinators and find it almost impossible to make themselves feel better. I don't have time to work. When you're looking for space for a startup, ask everyone about their previous IP history. Most of the best in the business call a liquidity event, founders should start companies that make money and live off the revenues.1 As everyone knows, America plus tragedy equals the Civil War was about slavery; people would be confused otherwise; plus you can show a lot of time worrying about what I should do. You probably weren't bored when you were eight. So if you want to work on? If hiring unnecessary people is expensive and slows you down, why do nearly all companies do it? When I probe our motives with Artix, I see signs of all three.2 Like a lot of 26 year olds are broke.

Hasn't she been taught to be? Something hacked together means something that barely solves the problem, or maybe doesn't solve the problem at all, but another you discovered en route. Outsiders are still learning how to write well, or they stop going well surprisingly fast. If the number of officially sanctioned projects that manage to do all three. They can't reply in kind to jokes. Viaweb and Y Combinator logos. Ok, fine; but which might also be true? As if to emphasize the point, Google never did any advertising. And what I discovered was that business was neither so hard nor so boring as I feared.3 The Men's Wearhouse.4

And it wouldn't be the first time investors learned that lesson from founders. In outline, it was a very gradual process. Instead, you should use it.5 Many innovations consist of replacing something with a cheaper alternative, and companies just don't want to be in twenty years, and then fix it immediately, while you were on the whole smarter than other kids, though never studying or at least embodies, present taboos. You're on the right track.6 Their value is mainly as starting points: as questions for the people who have them.7 I, at least at first, but mainly because the more founders you have, though. So I'm going to tell you what to do. Choose a project that will take less than a month, and make it seem like work, the danger of responsibilities is not just that you'd have to ask permission. Writing novels is hard. I wouldn't.

Being profitable ensures you'll get at least the average of the acquisition market—in which public companies do behave as pooled-risk company managers, you need a window of several years to get average case performance.8 We supported online transactions via a company called Cybercash, since if we lacked that feature we'd have gotten beaten up in product comparisons. I'm sure, but they weren't crazy.9 If you do everything the way the average big company grows at about ten percent a year. There is no magically difficult step that requires brilliance to solve. If they were just holding pens within this fake world. Someone with your abilities can do, you can compete with delegation by working on larger horizontal slices—by both writing and illustrating your book, for example. If you find something broken that you can flog yourself through them. Once I was forced into it because I don't like the idea of being mistaken. The first thing I would do, after checking to see if they had a live online demo, was look at their job listings. Another powerful motivator is the desire to do something very simple, like number crunching or bit manipulation, you may not finish your training till 30.

If so, that's evidence of how new this kind of trade would be hard to get an accurate picture of most jobs. No one was leaking news of their features to us. In January 1995, we and a couple friends started a company called Cybercash, since if we lacked that feature we'd have gotten beaten up in product comparisons. And they don't; they've made sure of that. To be self-funding, you have to understand a problem space well enough that they can walk around the memory of the house you grew up in. The word aptitude is misleading, because it implies something innate. So they want the fund to be huge—hundreds of millions of dollars, if possible.

Notes

How can people who will go away is investors requiring them. Com/spam. Acquisitions fall into a significant effect on the blades may work for us!

Emmett Shear writes: I'd argue that the path from ideas to startups has recently been getting smoother. While the space of ideas doesn't have dangerous local maxima, the government.

In fact, we try to accept a particular number.

Most of the techniques for stopping spam. Steep usage growth will also remind founders that an eminent designer is any better than their lifetime value, don't worry about that danger. According to Zagat's there are signs now that the site was about the paperwork there, and since you can say they're not.

This gets harder as you get a patent troll, either, that probably doesn't make A more accurate metaphor would be very unhealthy. I'm not going to call you about it. So the cost of having someone from personnel call you about an A round about the details. If spammers get good grades.

Users had been a time.

One of Europe's advantages was that it sounds. This plan backfired with the melon seed model is more important.

What people who want to believe this number is a bad reputation, a copy of K R, and owns significant equity in it. Some translators use calm instead of a handful of companies used consulting to generate series A termsheet with a degree, to pretend that the main reason is that the path from ideas to startups. Letter to Ottoline Morrell, December 1912.

Free money to start using whatever you make it. Some government agencies run venture funding groups, which is the same work faster. This is not so good that it would be to diff European culture with Chinese: what determines rank in the sample might be a good problem to have to do work you love: a to make a country with a faulty knowledge of human nature is certainly not impossible for a sufficiently identifiable style, you can't avoid doing sales by hiring someone to do this yourself. Otherwise you'll seem a risky bet to admissions committees, no matter how good they are by ways that have little do with the bad VCs fail to mention a few that are hard to say no to science as well, but trained on corpora of stupid and non-corrupt country or organization will be big successes but who are weak in other ways to get a low grade, which draw more and angrier counterarguments.

[davidmann95]

Velvet's battle is a great choice, though I'll always have a special place in my heart for the fight against the Grimm Deathstalker and the Nevermore in Episode 8. That said, what do you think of the individual members of Team RWBY?

I decided to wait on this until I caught up on the series thus far, which I just finished doing the night before last in pretty much the only time in my life I’ve ever really properly binged anything other than comics, and…wow. I knew RWBY was a thing just as a matter of course from being on this site and Youtube, and from watching Death Battle, so I picked up some major beats by osmosis. But my main impression was that it was a charming pseudo-anime online thing of decent quality that unsurprisingly got heavier as it went along as such things tend to do, with extremely rad fights and music along the way; figured it’d be more than serviceable to watch while I was on the treadmill as a disposable distraction from the agony of propelling my wheezing, sweating, loathsome meat-scaffolding forward.

I did *not* expect it to eventually end up after growing pains a - while far from flawless - intensely engrossing story of all-consuming personal and generational pain and people who choose to love and do the right thing in defiance of that trauma and loss and hopelessness, where also occasionally a corgi gets fastball specialed at mechas. Though once it became clear that’s what it is, it pretty clearly sat at an intersection of a hell of a lot of my favorite things, especially when characters copped in-universe in both the main series and spinoff material that this is basically a superhero thing. My initial impressions re: the fights and music were on-point though.

I actually have quite a few thoughts on pretty much all the protagonists of note at this point (other than I suppose Oscar and Maria. Like them both though, and I do hope that nice boy’s brain somehow doesn’t dissolve into the blender of Ozpin’s subconscious), but I’ll just stick with the core four here as requested for now unless someone asks otherwise. Weiss is the simplest to get at the core of, I’d say: her arc is learning that fuck rich people, actually. She’s a seriously difficult character to get onboard for at first - especially if you’re watching those first episodes for the first time in 2019 - as the mean unconsciously racist rich girl who learns to be less mean and racist but still kinda mean. But after you’ve extensively seen the hideously toxic environment she grew up in, and fully understand her efforts to grow past the empty values it inculcated in her in favor of everything she was raised to think of herself as above, she becomes a hell of a figure to root for. Assuming RWBY is gonna go, say, a respectable 10 seasons given it was just renewed through 9, I could easily see the upcoming 7th be the climax of her arc with her return to Atlas and likely further reckoning with the consequences of her families’ actions beyond how they’ve hurt her personally.

Yang is also, in a certain abstract narrative sense, simple, in that she’s built around the very oldest trick in the book for characters whose main deal is ‘can punch better than absolutely anyone’: give them problems that cannot be solved by punching. Except in her case it’s less a material “well, this person is invulnerable to punching!” or “well, actually this other person can punch most best of all” issue blocking her path than “punching cannot solve depression, abandonment issues, questioning whether what she considers her purpose in life is one she’s truly pursuing for noble reasons or if she even has the resolve for it anymore after what’s happened to her, or PTSD”. Yet, while it may not be the kind that manifests in the form of punching people with a smirk and a bad pun anymore (much as she still definitely does that all the time) what ultimately drives her and defines her is still her strength: to move forward, to forgive, to let go, to do the right thing in spite of the risks. Which could easily come off as some unpleasant “you just have to get over your moping!” dismissal - there’s a bit with her dad that means it saddles riiiiight up to the edge of that - but there’s a weight to how her traumas remain a consistent factor in her life and have shaped her outlook even as her circumstances and day-to-day disposition improve that makes it feel thematically like it’s coming from a place of acknowledgment and endurance rather than denial, even if it’s not handled perfectly. Great to see her apparently recapturing some more of her joie de vivre based on the trailer for Volume 7, and how that’ll interact with how she’s grown should be interesting.

Blake is…tough, because you fundamentally cannot talk about Blake without getting into the Faunus, which is maybe the biggest aspect of RWBY that leaves it in the realm of Problematic Fave. It really, really wants to have something substantial to say about the proper response to racism, and every now and then it pumps out a “capitalism greases the wheels of systemic oppression and vice-versa” or “it’s perfectly reasonable for the oppressed to seek to fight back directly against their oppressors, and even the pacifist in the room can recognize that’s a defensible approach that deserves its place”. But then Abusive Boyfriend Magneto literally murders nuance in Vol. 5 episode 2, and it descends into some borderline “but what about black on black violence” respectability politics shit. It’s the classic X-Men setup - this persecuted race of often superpowered folks torn between pacifism and efforts to prove themselves to their oppressors, and those who think they should rise up and annihilate the flatscans - with most of the same pitfalls, but also we haven’t had over 50 years to get used to that just being how it works here, and it doesn’t have the excuse of having to expand as best it can on a metaphor that was originally devised before most of the people currently handling it were born. All of which would be rough enough, but given I watched this right as Jonathan Hickman’s been completely refining the entire X-Men paradigm outside that outdated binary, it especially grates. I’d love to be directed to any solid counterarguments - I’ve heard it might actually be an analogue, and a well-done one, for The Troubles, which I am one million percent unqualified to evaluate - especially since apparently one of the writers grew up in a mixed-race household, and at the end of the day I’m a white guy who may well be talking completely out his ass. But it sure comes off at a glance as some well-intentioned dudes stumbling through stuff that’s not their business, and that’s inextricable from Blake’s character when so much of her story is her navigating through that metaphor. Hopefully with new writers coming onboard this is something that can be navigated more insightfully in the future.

On a purely personal basis however, Blake’s a standout in terms of relatability when her story comes down to a pretty universal shared horror: how to climb back from having fucked up. She tried really hard to do the right thing, was taken advantage of and led into doing things she eventually realized were wrong, was so shaken that she couldn’t tell who to trust, and then the situation spiraled out of control on every possible front just as things finally seemed to be stabilizing. The way a single mistake - enabled and exacerbated by an abusive past relationship in her case - expands into a self-loathing far beyond the bounds of anything she could possibly be responsible for is brutal and completely understandable, and seeing her start put her self-esteem back together with the help of those closest to her and the power of her original convictions is arguably the single strongest, most clearly conveyed individual character arc in the series. I’m very curious where it goes from here: Adam’s finish represents a logical climax and the setup for a happily-ever-after with Yang (or Sun if they end up going that way after all) for her to coast through the remainder of the series on, but the way emotional consequences have played out in the series thus far I doubt her demons are going to be put to bed that simply.

Finally there’s Ruby, and I am contractually obligated to note up front: she is clearly not a Superman analogue. There is precisely zero percent chance that she was conceived as such or was ever deliberately executed in such a way that mirroring him was kept in mind. Though she IS a super-powered idealist raised in the middle of nowhere with a significant deceased parent who wears a red cape, flies, gives inspiring rallying speeches, has black-ish but primary color-tinted hair, and has a mysterious birthright that involves being able to shoot lasers from her eyes, plus she has a dog who also essentially has superpowers, plus she tells someone they’re stronger than they think they are, plus Yang basically quotes a bit from Kingdom Come regarding her in Rest and Resolutions. But it probably goes a ways in explaining why she works so well for me.

There’s more to it than that of course, though it does bring up the closest way in which she relates to the superhero paradigm: she doesn’t go through an arc in quite the same way as the others, instead being an already solidly-defined character who is simply illustrated by how she interacts with the people and situations around her. She learns and grows and matures, but her most basic motivations and goals and outlook haven’t really changed since the day she enrolled at Beacon. She’s a good, caring person, a leader archetype who still has more than enough personality to spare to keep from falling into the genericism that can often plague that role. A big part of the key I believe is that she’s the audience surrogate in a profound way beyond the obvious touchstones of her frequent awkwardness and self-doubt: the reason she does this is because she was inspired by stories. She’s a fan, ultimately, but one who learned all the right lessons, whether recognizing from day one the way reality falls short of the tales she was raised on but still believing in the ideals they represent, or openly holding up Qrow as a role model while being willing to call him on his shit when push comes to shove. It’s a romantic, hopeful perspective that stands out sharply from even our other heroes even as it mirrors their struggles, but as of yet there’s little to suggest it comes from a place of naivete so much as a belief that it’s the only way to bear the pain of the world and continue to believe in it. Bit by bit it’s clear she’s heading for a breaking point, but all signs point to that being a matter of her ability to withstand what she’s been through, rather than any doubt that it’s necessary, and should that time come she’s inspired plenty who’ll be able to help her back onto her feet the way she has for so many others. So while I understand her speeches apparently grate on some, as far as I’m concerned keep them coming, they’re the beating caring heart of the series and often the sole respite in the eye in the storm.

[cheddarjacked-blog]

Statements Final Update

Connor Curlewis 15895195

Contextual Statement

Our project encompasses technology, art and collaborative design within the umbrella of post-human; human enhancement. I and Amal Chandrasena are working towards an art installation that looks into human physical enhancements, while bringing people together to make art. We understand at this point in time that we may be so limited technically that we may have to divert our efforts into creating a mock-up of this installation, here follows our plans and research.

We have begun research in the areas of collaborative and live art. From looking at people and programs being used we began by planning an exhibition that would bring people together to make art with other people on the spot. We found that our idea was unique and so far we haven’t found anyone who’s created this before. We found a few artists working with live art; Beo Beyond, LeRoy Neiman and artists like Paul Sermon (2009) using technology to create art and look at human psychology. Aaron Koblin (2006) bringing many people in to collaborate on simple art pieces. Taking inspiration from these artists we started looking for a platform we could use to allow multiple people to work together, we found CoSketch. CoSketch is a program like MSPaint, where the user has a free canvas, it’s online and anyone on the website at the same time can paint with the other users. We’ve so far failed to connect CoSketch to a system that can overlay the drawings in tandem with a live video of a user. We’re currently in our third stage of prototyping where we’re trying to find ways to solve this issue.

Our underlying theme for the project is human enhancement. The artwork is a metaphor for how people in the future might design babies before birth. Enhancing them with abilities, deleting and adding genes and crafting their appearance. According to Harravi (2018), when we engineer life we become post-human, we become Homo Deus: man-god. The users in our installation will be playing the designers. Soon, however, we will indeed be able to change our genetics. Glannon, W. (2018). The British Institute of Post-human Studies (2014) discusses how abolitionism will take us to abolishing suffering through genetic modification of our makeup. We’re currently set up to be more overly anxious about our surroundings because our bodies believe that we’re still being hunted by lions. When we see images of threats we react to stress hormones and physical reflexes. (Bradley, Margaret 2001) By changing our systems to factor in our new environment we could be happier. Our model isn’t about genetic modification but more about the basic idea of tapping into ourselves and how the regular layman will go about in that process. It’s about finding out how what the regular person would do with the power of a god.

In this installation we hope to connect multiple people to a single canvas, that canvas being a person to see how they would change that persons features given the control. Although we have been struggling with technical solutions we envision a video stream of a person being viewed on multiple tablets, these tablets would be equipped with software capable of manipulating and enhancing the person on screen, think illustrator and hand cut collages. The twist is that everyone holding a tablet can see the changes being made by everyone else, there is only one canvas and all users would work together to create an idea. These users would not be told that they’re connected and would only discover the shared space after they had started to use the software. At this stage, we can’t connect the stream to a canvas so are planning a video in which we conceptualise this installation with programs that fill the purpose.

The installation design has been creative and filled with opportunities, we have now narrowed ourselves into a path filled with technical obstacles and may have to create a mock-up. In the process, however, we have learnt about new styles of art and how close humans are coming to changing themselves genetically. The process has been a great example of sandboxing, the ability of our team to move forward and to create new ideas.

HARARI, Y. N. (2018). HOMO DEUS: A brief history of tomorrow. S.l.: MCCLELLAND & STEWART.

Sermon, P. (2009, June). Picnic on The Screen. Retrieved from http://www.paulsermon.org/picnic/

Koblin, A. (2006). The Sheep Market. Retrieved from http://www.thesheepmarket.com/

Bradley, M. M., Codispoti, M., Cuthbert, B. N., & Lang, P. J. (2001). Emotion and motivation I: Defensive and appetitive reactions in picture processing. Emotion, 1(3), 276-298. doi:10.1037/1528-3542.1.3.276

(2013, November 05). Retrieved June 17, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTMS9y8OVuY&t=537s

Glannon, W. (2018). Genes and Future People Philosophical Issues in Human Genetics. Boulder: Routledge.

Chapter 3

Conceptual Statement

The future has been a central topic to all projects I’ve undertaken here at COLAB. This semester when we were ushered into the theme of post-human I wanted to look at the different ways we will be living in the future. This began with reading about artificial intelligence and a possible changing age into one of joblessness, which took me to new forms of communication and then to human enhancement. We set out to make an art piece that reflected these points.

In this project, we have done little amounts of iteration. Our idea quickly emerged as one that captured a sense of human enhancement in a fun and interactive fashion. Beginning with an idea to capture people’s use of labels, as we wanted to see if a post-human world would be one that increased or decreased the use of labels within society. We moved on from here to create an installation that could create a new form of communication, inspired by Elon Musk’s Neuralink (2018) we were confident that in the future people would be transmitting data through each other's minds, instead of their mouths or keyboards. This is where we started to design the canvas idea, in which multiple people could all draw on a canvas simultaneously and be part of a feedback loop that shows the user all of the other user's expressions. This would make for unique expressions and communications as users experimented with live crafting with strangers on the canvas. This was our final iteration and from here we moved forward into making it become a reality.

We’ve been using the design thinking process to realise our human enhancement artefact. After conducting research to develop an understanding of our goal of collaborative design, We had looked at many artists and installations before we combined this research to find the best way ideate. The idea became solidified when we understood that we were going to replace our canvas with a person, this embodied the separate paths of human enhancement and collaborative design. From here we could prototype the canvas and figure out how it would work best and what needed to be refined. With the first prototype, co-sketch, we understood the potential of two people coming together to make something without any parameters. In this prototype we were not using a person as a canvas, it was only in the second prototype that we moved this element forward. It seems that in the first the users would have much more freedom and in the second would be encouraged to interact more with the person on screen ie outlining the person, adding artefacts to them or manipulating their features. It was here that we started to bring the expressions inline with human enhancement.

In terms of constructing this project, I have played the role of researcher and idea generator, a minor role compared with the most fundamental sector: programming. I was inspired by Yuval Noah Harari's Homo Deus (2016) which lead us through the post-human definition process, then looking to Dr Gorilla for live art and how we could do it differently and further to Edward T. Hall on his observations on behaviour in The Silent Language (1959). The project is fleeting. The art in each piece in my eyes is the making of each piece of art, the coming together of strangers to work together to make art in that moment. It could be seen within the realm of the carpe diem religion, discussed by Kuo (2012)

Urban, T. (2018, April 13). Neuralink and the Brain's Magical Future. Retrieved from https://waitbutwhy.com/2017/04/neuralink.html

HARARI, Y. N. (2018). HOMO DEUS: A brief history of tomorrow. S.l.: MCCLELLAND & STEWART.

Hall, E. T. (1959). The silent language. Garden City, N.Y: Doubleday.

Kuo, A. T. (2012). A Comparative Study of Jack Kerouac & Ernest Hemingway as Representatives

of Their Respective Generations. The Department of Literature, Area Studies, and European Languages, 25.

[whiskeyandwildfire]

Diving off the Mackinaw Bridge at 2am

(Please excuse the tardiness of this entry, I hope the content will serve as an explanation. However, first, I hope you will join me for a little afternoon poetry. If you would like, please listen to this track while reading the following poem aloud at a medium pace) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXvi1-gjI4A&list=PLkLGtfv9wqNKKRIY95QMUZqFwe_cl3orB&index=6

Getting closer to the edge A gust of wind comes off the straights And seems to push and pull you simultaneously. 

And if you are the push I am the pull. 

Different paths to the same town Square in the middle of nothing Open past nine and closed on Sundays. 

And if you are a paddle boat On old Kitchi-Gummi I am a raft floating too far from shore And long past my bedtime. 

Crashing waves wake Us at night and no campfire story Or prescription strength anything Will bring us back down before the sun comes up. 

And if you are the sun I am the burn that comes later Unexpected, unwanted, and staying for months 

Un-welcomed like a cousin from upstate Who borrows and never returns all of your best dress socks.

Or a song overplayed that you change Or try to change before realizing Music’s all the same today And tomorrow, and next week too. 

And if you are the oboe concerto Rising and falling like a lost bird in flight I am the sound of a radio played too high 

On a passing car swerving to avoid a chipmunk That’s thinking the same thought at that moment As I am, “How the fuck did I get here?” 

And where will I be tomorrow, and tomorrow, and next week too? 

But if you are mine I am your’s And that’s all there is. 

After the push and the pull After the fall After the water wakes And the sun rises The bird takes flight And the song ends. 

After tomorrow, and tomorrow.

ENTRY - Part 1

I’m writing this as I sit next to my father, six hours in to an eight hour trip from Michigan to Pennsylvania. He’s only driven a fourth of the way and already seems tired. The road wobbles and waves beneath the car as he changes lanes without signaling. The mirror I’ve reclaimed from my Grandparents house crashes against the wheel well of the back tire. Surely it’s shattered. 

We pull off into the closest rest stop to stretch our legs, switch jobs, and check on the cargo. 

“Okay son, don’t make me nervous” he says as I adjust the mirrors and seat back from the hunched over locked in position they’re kept in for his short frame. This is also something he comments on when it’s his turn to move them back. 

My dad got into a small accident May 4th of 2019 in the car we drive in. I remember the date because it was the day after my 30th birthday. I got the call that he had slid the car into a rock pile about a block from his house. It had been raining and the brakes needed replacing anyway. 

The brake pads and rotors had been gone since winter. In Michigan, the road salt eats away at...well, everything. Down to your spirit and definitely through 4 pieces of cheap foam. 

The rain on the day of the accident wasn’t any worse than usual, and were it not for the fact that my dad was also drunk when he crashed it probably could have been avoided all together. Honestly though, when I see him sober it’s hard to tell which is better. 

All of these mitigating factors aside, as someone who was voted “Worst Driver in High School” there must be some truth to the expressed concern. Three tickets in six months earned me the title and the almost immediate three month suspension of my license backed up the claim. We won’t mention the fact that two of these tickets were thrown out and the only reason that my license was suspended was because no one would listen to what I had to say, in a large part because I didn’t know how to say it. How to defend myself in matters of the law. Looking back, and with his experiences, you would think Dad being in the court room would have helped. 

I change lanes and press down on the gas to no avail. The accelerator misses and the engine revs. 

“Don’t make me nervous, Son” 

You need to know that not only haven’t I driven in the better part of a year, but also that when I do I’m used to driving at least semi new rental cars. Cars with at least basic capability and safety measures. 

“This is not a me, problem.” I respond. “You need new brakes. You need a new car” I stop there, he’s already not listening. 

The road wobbles. The mirror crashes. 

ENTRY - Part 2 

I’m in my apartment now. Bags and luggage unpacked, father gone as quickly as possibly; never one for standing still. Mirror scratched, but in tact. Much like everything else. Little scratches that aren’t my stories to tell. Going through boxes that I collected and transported, mostly from my Mom’s. A special deck of cards, a stack of papers from school, and a present perfectly wrapped. 

My Grandpa died in 2009. It was a week before my 21st birthday, I remember this because two weeks before he said to me “ If you don’t tell your Grandma I’ll have a beer with you” Of course I had been a pretty regular consumer since I was 15, but I couldn’t stand to break his heart. 

Now, yesterday. Over 10 years later. My Grandpa had one last gift to give me. I’m opening it now. The wrapping paper is for a birthday. There’s no words written and no card. There’s a post-it already removed that says my name and that was the same for my brother and sister. I rip open the first layer and the trapped air inside is freed, blown around my entire body by the overhead fan. I can smell him in the wind. This is not just my mind either, I notice bringing the paper closer to my nose. He must have sprayed his Old Spice on the wrappings before sealing it shut. A gift inside a gift. A part of what made him back on the earth if only for a moment. Inside, a toy truck. An army transport of impressive detail. The kind of truck my Grandpa serviced in WW2. The kind of truck he fixed over and over again, under heavy fire, in a foreign country away from his wife so that he could defend all that was coming to him. Fighting for me without even knowing who I am. 

Research - Thesis

Carl Jung was a Swiss psychoanalyst who wanted an answer to the question: “Why do seemingly good people do obviously bad things?”

Jung finally devised an answer in the formulation of the shadow self, the dark side – the side that’s hidden from conscious awareness AND the side that’s metaphorically dark.

Jung’s model of the shadow arises from the human subconscious/unconscious.

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.” – Carl Jung, Psychology and Religion

You see…in childhood, we are socialized to behave a certain way, to follow a certain set of rules.

As a child, you know nothing about the world, so it is the responsibility of your caretakers to teach you about the world and its written and unwritten rules. Following these allow us to “fit in” with society and operate as productive citizens and achieve some standard of worldly success. This is the socialization process.

Some of these rules are actually good because they allow a society to function, for many people to enjoy a good standard of living, and lead reasonable lives.

However, “life happens” and many people in Western society (or even the world at large) have not been trained or socialized to face discomforting things that happen in life.

SOURCE

I began this entry with the two contrasting stories to illustrate this point. In my very basic, beginning stages of trying to understand Shadow Work and the Shadow Self that it is important to recognize what behaviors or actions are that of another person, what thoughts or actions are that of you...and more deeply, it is important to recognize what thoughts or actions are yours that cause you discomfort BECAUSE you see them in others. 

Example - I don’t like when my father drinks too much because he becomes dismissive and hard to talk to.

Shadow Talk - I don’t like when I drink too much, because of the same reasons. 

Example - I don’t like when my father comments on my bad driving that is really the fault of his broken vehicle, which is the result of his poor decisions and lack of accountability. 

Shadow Talk - I don’t like when I don’t deal with problems as they arise. 

Example - I don’t like that my father can’t communicate with me. 

Shadow Talk - I don’t like that I can’t find a way to connect with him. 

* 

I also began this entry to illustrate that there are different “gifts” we can receive from people in our lives. Some positive both in the act and the outward appearance of receiving the gift and the actual gift itself, and some negative in appearance, but possibly positive in an unconsidered way. Example, being so uncomfortable and unhappy in a job that you lose interest, get fired, and only months later find your dream job because you were available to apply to it. 

Arts Education - Research and updates

I’ve been picking through a report of collected data to help prove efficacy of the Young Playwrights Lab to potential granters, specifically under the new ESSA (Every Single Student Achieves) Act that explicitly details what funding is available, what types of Arts Education programs are eligible, what kind of research or efficacy you must be able to prove, and how much money is available in that section. There are currently 10 different sections of funding. 6 of those require Title III - Title IV level research proof to apply for funding. Here are the definitions from the report. 

 Strong evidence (Tier I) comes from study reports that :  

Show statistically significant positive

intervention effects on relevant outcomes (without any statistically significant negative effects);

Meet What Works Clearinghouse (WWC) evidence standards without reservations. (What’s this thing?) 

Were conducted using a large, multisite sample (i.e., more than 350 students and more than a single school district).

 Moderate evidence (Tier II) comes from study reports that 

(a) show statistically significant positive intervention effects on relevant outcomes (without any statistically significant negative effects); 

(b)  studies that meet WWC evidence standards with reservations; 

(c) studies that were conducted using a large, multisite sample (i.e., more than 350 students and more than a single school district). (What’s different between I and II) 

 Promising evidence (Tier III) comes from study reports that (a) show statistically significant positive intervention effects on relevant outcomes (without any statistically significant negative effects), and (b) describe correlational studies with statistical controls for selection bias.

 Research-based rationale (Tier IV) evidence comes from study reports that

 (a) feature a well specified logic model informed by research or evaluation,  

(b) describe interventions that are undergoing additional research regarding their effects

Here is an example from this same report that details an acceptable logic model. 

It is my recommendation that for YPL to best take advantage of possible funding opportunities from ESSA that a new logic model should be developed from existing research that is “evidence based” as opposed to “rationale based” (Example, pre and post surveys, attendance statistics of kids participating in YPL, general test scores of those same students V. rationale based research that has more to do with facts we already know but aren’t tracking in the classrooms I.E. Art makes kids happy) 

It is also my recommendation that one or more YPL programs for this next school year be chosen as control groups to either follow, or purposefully ignore the current model to test efficacy. Having the contrast to our goal will help illustrate to possible funders the actual impact of the program. This is especially imperative as programs continue online as there might be an opportunity to raise money for a TBD in person set of classes AS WELL as writing for grants to continue the work being done online. 

(Thank you for your continued patience and attention during this hefty post) 

[aatmyogashala]

Ashtanga Yoga Mantra

Ashtanga practice is traditionally begun with the recitation of the mantra. What we call the Ashtanga Mantra is really two shlokas (verses) from different sources. The first is a verse from the “Yoga Taravali” by Sri Shankaracharya (one of the most important saints of India, a yoga master and proponent of Advaita Vedanta, a non-dualist Eastern philosophy) and the second verse is from a longer prayer to Patanjali, who compiled the Yoga Sutras (approximately 2,500B.C), the root text of yogic philosophy, which is a guide to yoga as a spiritual practice and an examination of our own true self and nature.

The original language of the mantra is Sanskrit, the oldest recorded language. Sanskrit was evolved in such a way that each sound is connected with a particular state of consciousness, so that a Sanskrit mantra, if you do it over and over again, will take you to a certain state of consciousness.

Om

“Om” means all, omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence. Om has been described as the primordial sound, represented in all living matter. Another word for “Om” is pranava, derived from the root “na” meaning to praise, to which the added prefix, “pra” denotes superiority. The word means “the best praise,” or “the best prayer.” The Sanskrit symbol AUM is composed of three syllables, (A, U, M). The letter “A” symbolizes the conscious or waking state (jagrata-avastha), the “U” is the dream state (svapna-asvastha), and the “M” is the dreamless sleep state (susupta-avastha).

The symbol in its entirety, with the crescent and the dot symbolizes the fourth state (turiya-avastha), which combines all these states and transcends them. This is the super-conscious state, or Samadhi. The letters also symbolize respectively speech (vak), the mind (manas), and the breath of life (prana). Likewise, the three letters also respectively represent the dimensions of length, breadth, and depth, while the entire symbol represents Divinity, which is beyond all shape and form. Also, the letters represent the absence of Desire, Fear, and Anger, while the whole symbol stands for the perfect human, whose wisdom is firmly established in the Divine.

Additionally, they represent the past, present, and future, and the teachings of mother, father, and guru, respectively. Also, the three limbs of yogic discipline: asana (posture), pranayama (breathing), and pratyahara(withdrawal of the senses). The whole symbol represents Samadhi, the goal for the aforementioned stages. Finally, “Om” stands for the mantra ‘Tat Twam Asi’ (That Thou Art), the realization of one’s divinity. The symbol stands for this realization, which liberates the human spirit from the confines of body, mind, and ego.

Adapted from B.K.S. Iyengar’s “Light on Yoga”

Vande Gurunam carnarvinde

I bow to the two lotus feet of the (plurality of) Gurus. I pray to the lotus feet of the Supreme Guru. I bow to the lotus feet of the lineage of teachers. I prostrate myself in devotion at the Guru’s feet.

The first line is a metaphor for the practice itself. By thinking of the practice as the teacher or guru, we offer ourselves to it and look to it for guidance. We surrender ourselves the practice, trusting in the power of a tradition that has had the strength to be preserved untainted for thousands of years, a path that has been practiced for the purpose of liberation and freedom. In this usage, surrender is not a quality of weakness; rather, it means fearlessness, trust, and confidence.

It is customary in the Indian tradition to offer salutations to the source of any wisdom as a sign of humility and also to seek the blessings of the teachers before commencing any work that is important and worthy of credit. By acknowledging his teacher, Adi Sankara (who wrote the first shloka of the mantra) indicates he wants us to also follow his example so we are guided carefully and correctly.

Only then will we attain a state of mind that is characterized by peace, clarity, and joy. This is because the study of yoga is experiential, not intellectual. Hence, it is important that someone who leads us has experienced yoga in its truest sense of the word. adapted from T.K.V. and son Kausthub Desikachar’s commentary on Adi Sankara’s “Yoga Taravali” This chant is also a meditation on the guru, which means “remover of darkness,” or ignorance. It also means “heavy,” not as in the guru is overweight, but heavy in the sense they’re not moved by others and the changing nature of the world; they are serene and centered.

The feet of the guru are the shelter we go to when we feel the pains of existence, in order to awaken the innate happiness of pure being, or how things really are. The guru also refers to the sushumna nadi, or plumb line, which is hollow like a reed and yet is the core from which all things are generated. This core guru has immense gravity and magnetic quality. The yogic process opens up the central channel of the body, and once prana, or energy, enters it, time and space are said to dissolve. The job of the teacher is to guide the student toward the central channel, using various techniques to awaken the student to the present moment, or raw immediate attention. The student is conversely called “laghu” or featherweight. Initially they “orbit” around the teacher’s immense gravitational field. Eventually, laghu becomes guru, or they find the guru at the core of their own heart. adapted from Richard Freeman’s “The Yoga Matrix”

Sandarsita Svatma Sukhava Bodhe

Who awakens insight into the happiness of pure Being Who teaches the good knowledge Who confers a great blessing on my soul Sukha is usually translated as “happiness,” or “delight.” Bodhe comes from the Sanskrit root “bd,” which means “to know.” Together, they describe the true intent of a yoga practice: the knowledge of happiness, or the knowledge of Self, or Svatma.

Nih Sreyase Jangalikamane Who is the doctor of the jungle Who is the jungle physician Who is the snake charmer This is a metaphor for both the teacher or guru and the yoga practice. The jangalikayamane is one who is able to cure or heal. Nihsreyase means “beyond comparison” or “beyond better.” Thus, the healing possibilities of the practice itself is without equal. The metaphor of the snake charmer (Jangalikamane) used by Sankara is very symbolic. He emphasizes that through the teacher (the snake charmer), the poison in us (our ignorance) which causes misery in our lives comes under control, much like the snake charmer controlling a venomous snake.

Samsara Halahala Mohasantyai Who is able to remove the poison of the ignorance of conditioned existence Who destroys the poisonous web of samsara, by reducing the illusions that bind us By removing the poison of ignorance which fetters my mind to conditioned existence

Samsaras are conditioned patterns of behavior that manifest as limitations in our practice and our emotional and spiritual lives. Often we are unconscious of these conditioned responses, which create negative, or poisonous (halahala) delusions. According to T.K.V. Desikachar, “When talking about the poisonous web of samsara, Adi Sankara is referring to the problems that arise though body and mind as well as in our communication.

These are the means by which all our troubles originate and manifest themselves. It is also important to note that Sankara speaks of reducing our troubles, not destroying them. This is because he doesn’t want us to reject our troubles, but work toward resolving them.” (Yoga Taravali, 11). To think of yoga practice as a vehicle for the pacification (santyai) of this delusion (moha) is a powerful idea that calls for devotion, willingness, and surrender within ourselves.

The practice that the guru gives dispels samsara halahala, or the poison of conditioned existence. In Indian mythology, halahala, or nectar, arose when the gods were churning the ocean (symbolic of the yogic process of purification). Halahala is a deadly toxic byproduct that occurs when one inquires into the truth. As the halahala washed up onto the beaches, they didn’t know what to do with it. Shiva, the guru of gurus, appeared, and drank it without swallowing, without accepting or rejecting. The poison turned his throat blue, and that is why Shiva is called “nila cantu,” or the blue-throated one.

Abahu Purusakaram

I prostrate before the sage Patanjali To Patanjali, an incarnation of Adisesa The second shloka of the mantra is an homage to Patanjali, who wrote the Yoga Sutras. By bowing, or offering praise to Patanjali, we symbolically acknowledge yoga practice as a spiritual practice and a vehicle for transformation. According to Indian mythology, Patanjali is said to be an incarnation of Adisesa, the cobra. Like teachings from all cultures, this one is metaphorical and can be read on many different levels, and you read the level you’re ready to hear.

Sankhacakrasi Dharinam

Sahasra Sirasam Svetam

White in color with 1,000 radiant heads holding a sword (discrimination), a wheel of fire (discus of light, representing infinite time), and a conch (Divine sound) From the realm of the divine, carrying a conch shell, a discus and a sword (representing mastery over language, philosophy and medicine) Basically, the imagery is telling us of Patanjali’s wisdom. From the hand to the head he has the shape (Karam) of a human (purusa). He appears white (svetum) in color, symbolizing purity, with one thousand (sahasra) radiant heads (sirasam). This illustrates that Patanjali is an “awake” or realized being, as his crown chakra, or energy center, is “open.” He holds a sword (symbolizing discrimination), a wheel of fire (cakra, or discus of light, which represents infinite time), and a conch, symbolizing divine sound, or sankha.

Pranamami Patanjalim To him, I prostrate (give thanks, mahalo) Om

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[brushstrokesmcgee]

Close Reading ‘The Path’ Season 1 Episode 1.

This is not really a recap. More of a series of observations regarding the storytelling, symbolism, and subliminal foreshadowing in The Path.

 I’m not an academic and this may all be obvious stuff to you guys but the show made an impression on me for its use of visual symbolism. I thought I’d start at the beginning but I’ll be referencing future plot lines and episodes. There is a LOT of foreshadowing in this series, appropriate given that prophesy is a major theme and I will be talking about what is being foreshadowed. so if you haven’t watched both seasons you might want to stay away from spoilers. 

 For more erudite discussion of symbolism on the show please see the wonderful @theyellowsnake who says all perfectly. 

So The First Episode of Season one of the The Path is pretty much the perfect Pilot. It sets the scene and leaves you hungry for more.

There is a little too much exposition in there . But it also, almost subliminally,  tells you everything you need to know about… Well… Everything. Every twist, every character, every hidden agenda is right there in the pilot. If you’re looking closely enough. 

SPOILERS from here on in folks. For both Season 1 and 2.

Intro Scene: Rindge Trailer Park.  

The Trailer Park. Symbol of American poverty, destroyed by a literal act of God.

The ‘ Church of Faith’ sign, Church destroyed, useless and empty

The Schoolbus on its side destroyed.

Both Church and School as institutions have failed this society, a ruined society as symbolised by the trailer park. They are unable to offer sanctuary or comfort to these people. They have not been able to fulfil their purpose. IE. to prevent people from sliding to the bottom of the economic and spiritual ‘ladder’ in the first place.

A woman clutches her baby and literally cries “Somebody help me!” Into the chaos. “Oh God!”

We meet Mary. Crawling through the trash. She looks for water and finds antifreeze or similar poison.  She tries to drink again from a pipe and someone stops her, that water is also poison.

Poisoned water is a huge part of the Book of Revelation in regard to the Apocolypse.

“ Revelation 8:11

The name of the star is Wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter like wormwood oil, and many people died from the bitter waters.”

We hear the sound of Horns. Like the horns of angels at Armageddon. ( Also Revelation 8-11)  It’s no wonder Mary later compares Cal to an angel.

Mary climbs the garbage heap. Metaphorically this is the start of he rise from the ashes of her old life. As well as an early climbing metaphor.  She sees Cal from the top of the trash mountain. This is their first moment of connection. Even though he doesn’t see her. Something about him is compelling to her.

Here come the Meyerists into this apocalyptic scene. But to them it’s no metaphor. They believe the end times are really coming. The Tornado is, for them, a real harbinger of doom.

Its a curious thing that when institutions fail people. When the Law, Healthcare, Schools and Church fail to provide what they should. That is when religious cults step in to fill the gap. This is well illustrated here.

Mary gets what she needs the most at the at moment. Not water (she barely drinks it). She gets her salvation, her Angel. We don’t know yet that she’s been waiting for him since she was a little girl. 

The Woman with the baby gets her prayer answered.

“What do you need’? Cal asks the shocky old man. He wants the picture of his wife- all he has left of her memory. Cal doesn’t try to get him to calm down. Or lead him away from the carnage like an EMT would. “Help this man find his wife!” He shouts, as though its the most important thing he can imagine. Because he knows in a spiritual sense , it really is.  In that moment the old man needs that scrap of paper more than water or medical care. 

The Meyerist eye is prominent. They “See” the people’s need. “Need” is often reference thought the series. “There is so much Need!” the characters say repeatedly.  The Church, the School, the Hospitals, the Society itself have all metaphorically failed us. 

We ( humans)  are let down in a spiritual sense by religion that offers no real substance, physically by bad or absent food and medicine, mentally by a schooling system that doesn’t educate the whole person. The list goes on. The Meyerists think they are the answer to this very real need. In this way the show is quite a scathing social commentary. 

As a viewer I’m subconsciously  pumping my fist in the air saying “ Yay Cult!” Although I don’t even realise how I’m being manipulated yet.

Animated Credits Scene:

Four figures climb a mountain, presumably this is an interpretation of Meyerism’s origin myth and the figures are Steve, Silas, Felicia and Bill. With Steve reaching enlightenment at the summit of Huayna Picchu. 

But there is an alternative interpretation: 

Look at the placements of the credits:

The close up of the climbing figure’s hands as he struggles up the rocks in the rain remind you of anything?  Mary’s climb up the garbage heap visually mirrors the climb in the intro. 

Emma Greenwell - Mary’s real name.

This is not an easy climb. Its a struggle. The man makes it to the top, stands at the summit and raises his arms in victory. He made it.

Hugh Dancy Cal’s real name. 

The figure could just as easily be Cal, who, like Mary ( except in a  more metaphorical sense), has struggled to the ‘top of the heap’ through his own personal suffering and stands victorious. Having finally made it into a position of power. This is one of many themes that connect Mary and Cal. (More on that later.) 

We see The Future : Tornado -Fire - Flood.

A Tornado ( the one that levels the trailer park.)  Is the opening of Season 1.

There is a prominent flash of lightning. Which is perhaps a portent to the lighting that scars Eddie and kills Steve.

The Fire ( Richard’s self immolation and burning of records room) closes Season 2.

The Flood… Could be foreshadowing of season 3. It seems to wash away the structure of the burning building. Much like the water scandal coverup helped wash away Sarah’s trouble regarding the blackmail ( using tapes Richard set on fire in same building). 

 Or it could be a symbolic flood washing away the movement forever?

We see the barns, the compound growing in size and number.

A figure running in room - Eddie in the therapy room?

Snake wrapped around Steve’s corpse. Open to interpretation as the Yellow snake symbolises psychic ability as well as betrayal in folklore. It also symbolises Cal at various points in the tale. (Hugh Dancy even starts to look snakelike toward the end of season 2.)  A lot has been said on this elsewhere. It is perhaps not an accident that is portrayed wrapped so closely around Steve. Snakes are rarely positive symbols to a western audience. In a religious context we are reminded of the serpent in Eden. ( More on that later too.) 

Speaking of Eden. Heres Adam and Eve. Or Eddie and Sarah or whichever archetype you choose. Accompanied by the name of the literal creator God of this particular universe: Jessica Goldberg. have I mentioned that I love symbolism?

Scene: Dinner at The Lanes:

Lane means Path… Glad thats out of the way. Now on to saying grace.

“Thank you for this gift of bread to sustain these vessels, our bodies, so that we may have the energy to create a more beautiful world and break through our blocks and barriers in this life and ascend the ladder of enlightenment so that someday we may be free of these earthly forms and live as light together in the garden. We express deepest gratitude for this day, and every day, for the gift of this passage, and that we found the ladder. There is one spirit whose name is Truth.”

So this sums up their whole belief system in a few seconds and its great because the show doesn’t hammer you over the head with the basic tennants every five minutes after that. they just assume you get it. It also has beauty and a sinister undertone, lets never forget that they’re a doomsday Cult.

But lets look closer:

“Give us this day our daily bread” says the Lords Prayer. The daily bread is just what sustains us for this  day. Its the bare minimum of care, which so many people don’t get.

And whom we see in this comfortable scene, the Lanes have a comfortable life, if not extravagant. They have what they need. Their needs are met.

Have you guys heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?  it’s a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five tier model of human needs often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid… Sound familiar? 

Someone Like Mary doesn’t even have the lowest level of needs met. She couldn’t even get clean water. Her basic safely was compromised and she was terribly abused by the people who should have loved her.

Sarah has her Psysiological, Safely and Love/Belonging needs met. It’s debatable if at this point in the series she has fully achieved the Esteem level but she’s well on her way there being an 8R and well respected within the community. It’s the last level. Self- Actualisation, which is problematic for her (and all the characters). Because its the level no Cult can allow its members to reach. Particularly that pesky ‘ Acceptance of Facts’ one.

Eddie, upon his return from Peru is struggling with this level. With his own Self-Actualisation. He knows his Esteem needs are at odds with the truth. And while he lives a ‘Life of Lies’ he isn’t getting his needs met. He NEEDS to live an authentic life. Its the only thing he can do. His ‘path’ leads toward truth one way or another. Hence the great irony of the Meyerist creed: “There is one spirit whose name is Truth.” … That, at least, is a lie. The Truth in this series is multifaceted and subjective. 

Cal pretends to be at the top ( of The Ladder and The Pyramid.) But he ascended in a dishonest way. Though nepotism, prostitution and maybe blackmail.

So while he struggles with morality, problem solving and the sad acceptance of facts he is also struggling with the Esteem level. He so desperately wants to be respected and he has no real confidence ( see his self help tapes for evidence.) And while he struggles with that he is also struggling with the Love/Belonging level. Because the one thing he really can’t have is intimacy. For reasons that later become clear. He is a lonely person. he has no real friends , no family and no sexual intimacy, ( he’s either a virgin or celibate when we meet him.) His image is one of a Self- Actualised leader. But he is living a lie. In truth he’s still a child desperate for safety.

In fact I speculate that the truth of the matter is that each Meyerist convert entered the Movement while struggling with Need. I think that If they left the movement they would revert back to the same point they entered it. Because the movement provides for them ( or should) but it doesn’t give them Self- Actualisation, which is what they need in order to be independent and masters of their own fate.  

So we have the usual Exposotional Dinner Talk. we learn that Eddies just back from Peru. Cal is coming, Steve is writing and Russell is a useless asshole. Also that for a person to ascend the latter all the way they probably shouldn’t get married. Hawk isn’t old enough to start the Ladder yet and everyone feels bad about the tornado.

We like these guys, weird Peruvian drug trip religion aside they seem like our kind of people. (Except Joy though , she’s goddam annoying.) We find ourselves identifying with and liking members of a closed religious cult. This is quite an achievement for the writers.

Sex Scene 1:

Until the slip scene. because no one in history, male or female has ever been aroused by a slip.

The sex though. is it necessary? Not really… But yes really. Much like in real life, the way people fuck on this show tells us a lot about their emotional state. Its code for all the things they can’t say.  If that happens to line up nicely with a networks desire for lots of sex on their show then… Cool I guess. Also. the eye is front and centre because Meyerism is at the centre of their personal life in an uncomfortably voyeristic way. No one has privacy in this place. Not really. There is a disturbing disrespect for boundaries within the extended Lane family and within Meyerism in general. and maybe cults in general too.

Eddie and Sarah are emotional sex havers. They laugh, they cry, they make eye contact. The whole things very uncomfortable for the viewer who may be watching with their parents, but very intimate. Contrast and compare:

Scene: Cal’s return:  

Cal. The no sex haver who reunites with old flame Sarah. He pretends to be over it. He isn’t. She broke his heart by leaving him for  Eddie when they were young. How young? We never know,  Eddie and Sarah were  likely in their mid- late teens when they Met. We don’t know how long Sarah and Cal were together or when they met.

Can we assume that they grew up on the compound together? I think so. Cal mentions to his mother on Episode 3 that, while they used to live in tents, they now have a campus. So he probably grew up there with Sarah, Russell and Tessa. But he’s been in California for three years happily avoiding the East Coast winters. ( he doesn’t like the cold because his drunken sot of a father did, in fact, keep him in a tent in the middle of winter.) Its perhaps worth noting here that he is returning to his childhood home. This is important because its where his neurosis re- surfaces. Its where his pain lives.

Anyway he meets Sarah, knows her well enough to see something wrong and immediately twists it to his advantage. Its the first, rather obvious , look at his manipulative personality. But he’s sincere when he says its good to see her. And that he’s going to “come stalk you , like old times.” He probably did too. hanging out with Eddie and Sarah to be close to her, or maybe to them both, for friendship but certainly with an agenda of infiltrating their relationship. Which is probably why Eddie doesn’t trust him. We don’t either. Because he’s always acting. Pretending to be someone he’s not (  Self- Actualised leader of men. ) We only rarely see glimpses of the real man beneath.

School: Hawk and Eddie scene.

No Symbolism here but I love the relationship between these two. Hawk is annoying in the way teenagers actually are annoying not in the way precocious “ Talk like adults with philosophy degrees” teenagers on TV usually are. Both he and Summer are excellently written in this respect. Eddie is a real dad, not a perfect dad. Just a guy who enjoys time with his kids. Hawk hates school. Didn’t we all?

Scene:  Mary Sees Cal again/Conversation with Eddie:

So like so many scenes on this show , what appears to be a throwaway moment of filler is actually telling us something. While the music and stylised camera work distracts us from the dialogue between Cal and Eddie this is what they’re saying (according to the closed captions.) 

Cal: “Hey, man, I’ll come join you later. Sit in on your testimonial.”

Eddie: “Oh, no. You don’t have to do that. Same old story. You’ve heard it a million times.”

Cal: “Are you kidding? I love your story.

Gets me fired up every time.”

Cal wants to sit in on Eddie’s testimonial, despite the fact that he’s heard it many times and its depressing as holy hell. Eddie would rather he didn’t. Why?

Skip ahead to Eddie telling his story. Interesting, isn’t it that we barely learn anything about Eddie’s life before Meyerism?  So lets look at the facts. What do we know about Eddie Lane at this point?

He had an unhappy home life. We know this because he lived with his older brother instead of his parents ( The original script had a line about his mother being mentally ill which they later edited out, because I believe it would have made future twists too obvious. The subtext is still there.)

He loved his brother. His brother killed himself. Eddie Has. Not. Dealt. With. It. This is so clear. His own dialogue tells us this. He ran. Ran from the situation and straight into a cult.

He starts telling his story. His relationship with his brother was “the one thing he had.” And when he lost it he lost part of himself. He breaks down, he can’t finish the story. Meyerism didn’t heal this particular pain. Cal to the rescue!

“ Oh yeah and then you found us and it was all cool right?” He essentially says.

So Cal does probably step in here to help Eddie. But at the same time theres something censorious about it. He is clearly steering the story in a different direction than it was going? Something is missing from Eddies narrative. Perhaps the fact that he is still suffering, that despite the ladder, his brother’s death is still an open wound for him. ( This kind of adds a layer of creepy to Cal’s assertion that he “Loves him like a brother” Later on.) Also…What happened between ‘Discovered Johnny’s dead body’ and ‘ Ended up in a bookshop’?

Something smells fishy.  But we are told enough to piece a few things together. There was some mental illness in his family, he doesn’t want to look too deeply at his past. He had a lot of anger. (When he arrived he was murderously angry. (We learn this later from Sarah.) That’s not what he looks like now though. Not at all. Meyerism’s victory or his own? Was Sarah his saving grace?

In a way Eddie is the biggest enigma on the show. Maybe even moreso than Steve.

Which brings us to…

Scene: Sarah talks about Steve. 

And the fact that she thinks the light shines out of his ass. Literally. 

So this is our first proper introduction to Steve:

We are told that he lives so deeply in truth that he is one with the Light. His followers believe him to be an ascended master of sorts and therefore an immortal spiritual being rather than just a man. and once again and one of many times… There is a dichotomy between what we are being told and what we are seeing. The sound and the visuals are often at odds on this show. 

Because hanging behind her on the wall is a picture of a dude. A dude named Steve. and he’s handsome, charismatic looking I guess but just as prosaic as his name ( Which incidentally means’ Light Bringer’ in Hebrew.) . (He also has that same high collar, uptight shirt thing going on as Cal does.) This is one of may times that the placement of the Steve photo is telling us something. 

Later Eddie reads to Summer from the junior edition of The Ladder. Whilst having a very confusing existential crisis.

 And we learn about Steve’s past. What do we know about Steve?

He was a military doctor, who did terrible things to soldiers at a hospital. Had a crisis of confidence, lost his shit and took a very long walk… Also I dare anyone to say that isn’t Kodiak in the illustration. 

Sooo… What do you guys know about Project MK Ultra? 

From Wikipedia: 

“Project MKUltra – sometimes referred to as the CIA’s mind control program – is the code name given to a program of experiments on human subjects, at times illegal, designed and undertaken by the United States Central Intelligence Agency.[1] Experiments on humans were intended to identify and develop drugs and procedures to be used in interrogations and torture, in order to weaken the individual to force confessions through mind control. Organized through the Scientific Intelligence Division of the CIA, the project coordinated with the Special Operations Division of the U.S. Army’s Chemical Corps.[2]

The operation began in the early 1950s, was officially sanctioned in 1953, was reduced in scope in 1964, further curtailed in 1967, and officially halted in 1973.[3] The program engaged in many illegal activities,[4][5][6] including the use of unwitting U.S. and Canadian citizens as its test subjects, which led to controversy regarding its legitimacy.[4](p74)[7][8][9] MKUltra used numerous methodologies to manipulate people’s mental states and alter brain functions, including the surreptitious administration of drugs (especially LSD) and other chemicals, hypnosis,[citation needed]sensory deprivation, isolation and verbal abuse, as well as other forms of psychological torture.” 

Read more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra

Lovely. 

So… You guys Steve was totally one of those mad scientists. Who tortured Vietnam soldiers to try an achieve mind control with drugs ( and also sarin gas and other agonizing tortures. This isn’t a bit of weed and a walk in the woods. These people were psychopaths of the highest order.) 

Lets me just repeat that… To  achieve mind control… With Drugs. Does this throw up any red flags for anyone else? 

What else do we know about Steve? I mean FOR SURE He went to Peru and started a cult. Which used Ayahuasca and other drugs to induce hallucinatory states. 

Manipulation into shared delusions? Maybe. Theres no doubt Felicia believes she burned her hands on a Burning Ladder of Truth. But her husband Bill reminds her that there was a bonfire… And that they were ‘Really High.” He wouldn’t have had to convince many people, just a handful, to engender belief in many. 

Ok so lets give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he did have an ethical crisis while working for the CIA… He still used drugs on people… Afterwards. 

And then theres the trope of the Morally questionable doctor who runs to South America. Don’t tell me we’re not supposed to get slightly Megele-ish vibes from this guy. 

Then we cut from Eddies Life of Lies directly to Cal’s life of lies:

Scene: Cal and Mary.

So this scene has a lot going on in it but I think the main takeaway the first time I saw it was that Cal was married to The Ladder. We’re not sure exactly how much he believes in it at this point or how much he’s manipulating Mary into becoming an acolyte. But upon Re-Watch… Oh boy.

So Cal doesn’t have personal relationships. Certainly not with newbies. So why does he go out of his way so much for Mary?

Well the thing is that she has now met her basic needs. Remember our pyramid of pop psychology?

So she’s no longer about to die, she’s physically safe, had a shower, has a place to stay. Now she wants a sense of love and belonging. Which she tries to get by the only means she knows. Sex. Boy did she ever pick the wrong guy.

Or did she?

Heres the thing. Cal is also stuck at this level. He and Mary have the same need. Officially there is a huge power disparity in the relationship and its highly inappropriate. He may be a leader and she may only be a possible. But under the skin they are both needful of the same thing and can’t ever get it because they’ve been damaged so badly. It’s doubtful that either of them will ever move beyond this need.

This scene tells us everything we need to know. Though the performances mostly. Theres a disturbingly childlike quality to both of them. Visually compounded by Mary’s little girl nightie and butterfly underpants.

When Cal gently rebuffs her advances, Dancy’s performance tells us a few things. (In interviews from Season 1 era He described Cal’s relationship with Steve as ‘Complicated.’ I’m sure they had the back story planned from the outset.)

For those into micro gestures. When he said the word ‘ Sex” he flinches and wrinkles his nose in disgust. There is a lot of barely repressed anger in that tiny moment. Because he understands Mary’s Damage. Really understands it. Unfortunately.

They are also reflected in the window, and refections of one another figuratively speaking. Which is why they both love and hate each other at various points. But never, ever do we get the feeling that they don’t understand one another.

Mary says “ All my life I’ve had this fantasy that one day an angel would fly down from the sky and save me.” She feels as though she is fulfilling her destiny. This may be the only time in her life that an authority figure hasn’t taken advantage of her. 

At that point there is a moment of recognition, almost elation from Cal. That could be interpreted as religious fervour at having saved a soul. But I believe it’s meant to be identification, the discovery of a kindred spirit.

“We were meant to find each other.” He says. he doesn’t say “ You were meant to find us” or “the movement”. But “Each other.”

Where was his Angel? Who does he call an Angel later in the series?

“My colleague is a fucking angel.!” He tells John Ridge in episode 5 and to Sarah in Season 2 “I miss your light. The way you looked at me that saved me as a kid.” Suddenly his obsession with Sarah takes on a more tragic, if more disturbing angle. She was a ray of light in his otherwise miserable childhood. He sees her, we learn later, as a role model for what is good and right behaviour. What does this tell us about his other role models in the movement?

Scene: Eddie’s Retreat.

We see the retreat at the Cousco compound. Which appears to be a converted Spanish church. Interestingly a lot of Catholic imagery is associated with Eddie on the show.  In the courtyard Silas is helping a bald dude, Miranda Frank is dancing, and Eddie is tripping balls.

Ayahuasca as a therapeutic substance helps people come to term with their past trauma. Causing them to re-live it. In a Arthur Janov “Primal Scream”, cleansing sort of way. They come out of the experience feeling reborn and with neurosis cured.  It is not a particularly safe drug cocktail however. It can be an especially strong potential trigger for those predisposed to Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Dissociative Disorder and other psychosis.

So we can see what Eddie might not be having a particularly good trip, what with his past trauma and all. And unsurprisingly his brother comes back to haunt him. With a secret message. In the hallway to Steve’s room is an Owl sculpture. 

Silas’ totem is an owl. Presumably this is his main hangout. As well as a shamanic symbol of wisdom the owl is a Gnostic symbol of demons, illness, disease and death. There are some oil painting on the wall which look like Steve might have painted them ( They look a bit like his ‘flowers’ from season 2.)  

Heres the thing… Is Eddie experiencing a moment of genuine clairvoyance here? I thought at first it was all a drug trip and he hadn’t really moved from the courtyard. His brother’s ghost certainly leads him to the room. But…

Isn’t this compound actually where the movement is storing Steve? Could Eddie conceivably have wandered of while tripping and stumbled into Steve’s room? We do find out later that he literally got up and walked off somewhere for a while because Miranda Tells Cal so in Episode 4. Once again the truth is subjective but maybe less so if witnessed by more than one person. He also, quite possibly saw more rooms on the way.

Eddie sees a vision of Johnny twice more in the series. Once on the shore at Coney Island in S1  and once in his near death vision of the garden in S2. All three times Johnny is guiding him towards a major spiritual decision. But two out of the tree times Eddie was tripping on Ayahuasca. The time at the shore could be a genuine moment of psychosis, we don’t know. Eddie doesn’t either. It seems real to him, and he wasn’t expecting it.  

Either way. He knows  Steve isn’t a immortal ascended ball of light. And those extra rungs that were supposed to enable them to ascend to the garden ‘aint coming, and by extension Cal is lying to them all. Thats a lot of doubts for one day.  

Scene: Eddie and Sarah fight:

The thing about Meyerists is that there supposed to be 100% honest at all times, as a result they are actually secretive as hell. Eddie lies repeatedly to Sarah during this scene, she assumes he’s sleeping with someone else, specifically Miranada Frank. , and he lets her think that because its less painful than the truth.  

There is curious bit of dialogue here.

“ Sarah: All right, I love you, and I chose you.

Eddie: You chose me?

Sarah:  I chose you.

Eddie: What do you mean, you chose me? Chose me over Cal? Is that what this is?

Sarah:  No, no! That is not what I am saying.”

What does this tell us about their relationship? It’s important to her that she “Chose” him. But everyone chooses their partners right? I mean, unless they have an arranged marriage. and the Meyerists don’t… Do they? ( more on this later. I have a theory.)

In any event. She clearly feels that she took a risk on him ( maybe because he was a convert, an outsider, and she was the golden girl of Meyerism who was ‘supposed’ to end up with Cal? Eddie reacts so strongly to this, perhaps because it implies that he held her back from her birthright somehow?

So maybe the subtext here is “ I sacrificed so much to be with you, how could you cheat on me after that?”

” Look at me.

You are everything to me, okay? You’re it.

I remember the day.

I never imagined a future for myself before you,

but then there there you were with that glass of water,

and I didn’t have to try to imagine one anymore.

I had it.” 

Reassuring her, she is the be all and end all for him. She is his salvation. Period. He was suicidal when he met her and she saved him. ( Much like she ‘saved’ Cal as a child.) Sarah as saviour figure is also a running theme on the show. (NB:We'll see Eddie as "Chosen One" again too)

‘There you were” he tells her , remembering when they met ‘ With that glass of water…”

Oh hello WATER my old friend! 

 We can imagine a young Eddie, bereft and suicidal, thirsty being given comfort by the Meyerist movement. Water. the shows favourite symbol of salvation. Actually the shows favourite symbol period. Besides Ladders. She pulled him out of his private apocalypse. Just like Mary at the trailer park. They gave him survival. His doubt is a very big deal. He stands to lose everything.  As he says to Allison in the next scene:

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here.

You know,

I was high as a kite,

so what I saw, or what I think I saw, was it real?

You know, I mean, was the vision of my brother even real?

I mean, am I gonna blow up my life,

a life that I love,

because of something I don’t even know if I really saw?”

Yes he is. Because he feels the truth of it in his bones and he can’t live his life without Self- Actualisation. He is willing to give it all up for his personal truth. He loves her more than anything. But he will give her up if he has to. Contrast with Cal who holds onto his past infatuation and can’t let it go. 

Speaking of which: 

Scene: Sarah visits Cal. 

Ok so this scene tells us an awful lot and is pretty damn creepy.

The Meyerists have no boundaries, we knew this, so Sarah going to tell her friend Cal about her marital problems is disturbingly par for the course. 

Also I think Cal painted that bird. Remember he used to enjoy art once?

Then theres the dialogue:

“I was so scared of you when we were young.

Before Eddie.

You’d sneak into my bed.

Your hands were like fire.

I thought, “This guy could never really love a person.

Not for the years.

He needs too much.”

Firstly… WHAT??? He sneaked into her bed and felt her up? And she was scared? Ok so she seems to be implying that it was exciting but… Also HOW young are we talking here. This seems like a rather strange normalisation of something dark. 

So Cal was probably sexually inappropriate with other kids his age. No surprises there its a classic sign of sexual abuse. We also learn that he couldn’t be emotionally intimate in the way she Wanted because he NEEDED too much. 

Hello Pyramid my old friend.

 He was stunted forever in survival mode because of Steve and couldn’t quite crack the sex and romance thing. And the horrible thing is that he remains silent the whole scene and literally can’t seem to respond to her because the dude is literally so full of secrets if he speaks he will open the floodgates and destroy the Earth. 

So this is where we come to my theory: 

That terrible dialogue: 

Its so out of place. It doesn’t sound like her. ( She even quotes it like someone else said it.) 

But you know who does sound like that?  “ Flowers on Your Walls of Doom”, arch manipulator of the young, Steve.

On the few occasions we hear Steve speak in flashback. He sounds theatrical. Almost Shakesperian. 

My theory is… That Cal’s later behaviour with Mary and Sean the ‘arranged marriage’  is part of an abusive cycle. I think he repeats what was done to him. I think maybe Steve sent a young Cal to Sarah’s bed in the first place.

 In the same way Cal later sends Mary to Sean. Then gets a full report from her. THAT scene in ep 4 is very reminiscent of incest or something like it. 

Oh and would you look at who’s watching them from the photo on the wall Behind Cal?

Hence why Sarah “Chose” Eddie. But for some reason didn’t have the agency to “Choose” Cal.  Maybe Choosing Eddie was her one act of real agency within the movement? Lets not forget she nearly ran away with her sister. We might want to ask why? 

Then perhaps Steve sent Cal away. Because he couldn’t have him getting to close to anyone. Offering him a life of vocation instead.

I don’t know for sure  but it seems like something like this might have happened. And here’s why… 

Scene: Cal and Mary visit Dad/ Plato’s Cave:

Right after this scene, Cal goes straight to Mary and suggests they “make it better” with a visit to her dad. Going to Mary is  something he often does when his past comes back to haunt him, because she is,to him, like his inner child. She is his past writ large, open and honest and bleeding on the floor. No secrets. He acts out through her, processes his own trauma through her. How self aware he is about it is debatable. But his meeting with Sarah seems to have triggered him.

When you understand a bit more about Meyerism it’s shocking just how off the script Cal went by going to her Dad’s place and beating the shit out of him. Why did he feel the need to do it rather than just give her some Ladder Therapy? If he believed in Meyerism wouldn’t he try and get her  to forgive? to move beyond it?

Because when she says the Ladder won’t help make it better he knows thats true, even if he can’t admit it to himself yet. And he goes very, very transgressive. Almost as though the act of violence is a rebellion against everything Steve stood for. Although at first all he wants is an apology. Demanding Mr. Cox to kneel and grovel in the dirt for forgiveness. ( Which is actually pretty Meyerist of him.) Its also possibly exactly what he would like from Steve.

But the turning point comes when Mr. Cox spits in his face. THEN he loses it. We find out later that Cal used to hand out flyers on the street as a kid and people used to spit on him. He may have a neurosis about it. But the whole confrontation with Mr. Cox becomes more about him than Mary at this point. If it ever was about her at all. But he does give her exactly what she needs. Vengence, justice, closure. And as a viewer, honestly. I was cheering the crazy bastard on. 

So what do we know about Cal at this point?

He doesn’t believe, deep down, in what he’s preaching.

He has a lot in common with Mary.

He has a terrible temper.

He is capable of extreme violence.

He doesn’t appreciate being spat on. At all.

This does not make for a safe cult leader.

But it does beg the question whats more dangerous, a cult leader who doesn’t believe in his own propaganda, or one who does? Think of The Branch Davidians or Heavens Gate. Or the very Steven Meyer-esque David Berg and The Children of God cult? Belief can be a very dangerous thing too.

The scene is beautifully edited with Cal’s Plato Speech. Illustrating his hypocrisy even while he preaches.

Plato’s cave.

My favourite scene. Ironic and the perfect analogy.  Cal essentially narrates his own life story without knowing it. The guy is somewhat less self aware than he pretends to be… And now we know it for sure.  It ties into the episode title;  “What The Fire Throws.”

Shadows of reality. We all live in our own version of reality with our own version of truth. Eddie has decided he’s had enough of this one. Cal is actually heading in the same direction, belief wise, as Eddie but he’s trapped in the institution in a way that Eddie isn’t. Steve literally made him paint a false reality for himself and without it he’s staring into the abyss. 

Sarah has never even questioned her shadows. She was born in that cave. He presents the perfect argument against religion, and closed communities in particular. All the while railing against regular society and the untruths therein. The point is. There are many cults and we all live in one. Do we put our faith in a person to lead us? Eddies path is a lonely one, because the Room of Truth can only fit one person at a time. Would I let him lead me? Well.. I’m not pumping my fist and yelling “ Yay Cult!” anymore. 

And as a viewer? We are presented with a reality on screen. And we are manipulated by that reality and shown shadows of reality, angles on things. This story isn’t all it seems. Theres an element of 4th wall breaking here too. Because it looks , at points, like he’s preaching right out of the screen. 

And speaking of TRUTH:

Eddie admits his. But not to the people he loves. To a stranger in a motel room. Because sometimes the lie you’re living is the one you love the most. 

[newstfionline]

Learning to Learn: You, Too, Can Rewire Your Brain

By John Schwartz, NY Times, Aug. 4, 2017

The studio for what is arguably the world’s most successful online course is tucked into a corner of Barb and Phil Oakley’s basement, a converted TV room that smells faintly of cat urine. (At the end of every video session, the Oakleys pin up the green fabric that serves as the backdrop so Fluffy doesn’t ruin it.)

This is where they put together “Learning How to Learn,” taken by more than 1.8 million students from 200 countries, the most ever on Coursera. The course provides practical advice on tackling daunting subjects and on beating procrastination, and the lessons engagingly blend neuroscience and common sense.

Dr. Oakley, an engineering professor at Oakland University in Rochester, Mich., created the class with Terrence Sejnowski, a neuroscientist at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies, and with the University of California, San Diego.

Prestigious universities have spent millions and employ hundreds of professionally trained videographers, editors and producers to create their massive open online courses, known as MOOCs. The Oakleys put together their studio with equipment that cost $5,000. They figured out what to buy by Googling “how to set up a green screen studio” and “how to set up studio lighting.” Mr. Oakley runs the camera and teleprompter. She does most of the editing. The course is free ($49 for a certificate of completion--Coursera won’t divulge how many finish).

“It’s actually not rocket science,” said Dr. Oakley--but she’s careful where she says that these days. When she spoke at Harvard in 2015, she said, “the hackles went up”; she crossed her arms sternly by way of grim illustration.

This is home-brew, not Harvard. And it has worked. Spectacularly. The Oakleys never could have predicted their success. Many of the early sessions had to be trashed. “I looked like a deer in the headlights,” Dr. Oakley said. She would flub her lines and moan, “I just can’t do this.” Her husband would say, “Come on. We’re going to have lunch, and we’re going to come right back to this.” But he confessed to having had doubts, too. “We were in the basement, worrying, ‘Is anybody even going to look at this?’”

Dr. Oakley is not the only person teaching students how to use tools drawn from neuroscience to enhance learning. But her popularity is a testament to her skill at presenting the material, and also to the course’s message of hope. Many of her online students are 25 to 44 years old, likely to be facing career changes in an unforgiving economy and seeking better ways to climb new learning curves.

Dr. Oakley’s lessons are rich in metaphor, which she knows helps get complex ideas across. The practice is rooted in the theory of neural reuse, which states that metaphors use the same neural circuits in the brain as the underlying concept does, so the metaphor brings difficult concepts “more rapidly on board,” as she puts it.

She illustrates her concepts with goofy animations: There are surfing zombies, metabolic vampires and an “octopus of attention.” Hammy editing tricks may have Dr. Oakley moving out of the frame to the right and popping up on the left, or cringing away from an animated, disembodied head that she has put on the screen to discuss a property of the brain.

Sitting in the Oakleys’ comfortable living room, Dr. Oakley said she believes that just about anyone can train himself to learn. “Students may look at math, for example, and say, ‘I can’t figure this out--it must mean I’m really stupid!’ They don’t know how their brain works.”

Her own feelings of inadequacy give her empathy for students who feel hopeless. “I know the hiccups and the troubles people have when they’re trying to learn something.” After all, she was her own lab rat. “I rewired my brain,” she said, “and it wasn’t easy.”

As a youngster, she was not a diligent student. “I flunked my way through elementary, middle school and high school math and science,” she said. She joined the Army out of high school to help pay for college and received extensive training in Russian at the Defense Language Institute. Once out, she realized she would have a better career path with a technical degree (specifically, electrical engineering), and set out to tackle math and science, training herself to grind through technical subjects with many of the techniques of practice and repetition that she had used to let Russian vocabulary and declension soak in.

Along the way, she met Philip Oakley--in, of all places, Antarctica. It was 1983, and she was working as a radio operator at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station. (She has also worked as a translator on a Russian trawler. She’s been around.) Mr. Oakley managed the garage at the station, keeping machinery working under some of the planet’s most punishing conditions.

She had noticed him largely because, unlike so many men at the lonely pole, he hadn’t made any moves on her. “You can be ugly as a toad out there and you are the most popular girl,” she said. She found him “comfortably confident.” After he left a party without even saying hello, she told a friend she’d like to get to know him better. The next day, he was waiting for her at breakfast with a big smile on his face. Three weeks later, on New Year’s Eve, he walked her over to the true South Pole and proposed at the stroke of midnight. A few weeks after that, they were “off the ice” in New Zealand and got married.

Dr. Oakley recounts her journey in both of her best-selling books: “A Mind for Numbers: How to Excel at Math and Science (Even if You Flunked Algebra)” and, out this past spring, “Mindshift: Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential.” The new book is about learning new skills, with a focus on career switchers. And yes, she has a MOOC for that, too.

Dr. Oakley is already planning her next book, another guide to learning how to learn but aimed at 10- to 13-year-olds. She wants to tell them, “Even if you are not a superstar learner, here’s how to see the great aspects of what you do have.” She would like to see learning clubs in school to help young people develop the skills they need. “We have chess clubs, we have art clubs,” she said. “We don’t have learning clubs. I just think that teaching kids how to learn is one of the greatest things we can possibly do.”

Four Techniques to Help You Learn

FOCUS/DON’T. The brain has two modes of thinking that Dr. Oakley simplifies as “focused,” in which learners concentrate on the material, and “diffuse,” a neural resting state in which consolidation occurs--that is, the new information can settle into the brain. (Cognitive scientists talk about task-positive networks and default-mode networks, respectively, in describing the two states.) In diffuse mode, connections between bits of information, and unexpected insights, can occur. That’s why it’s helpful to take a brief break after a burst of focused work.

TAKE A BREAK. To accomplish those periods of focused and diffuse-mode thinking, Dr. Oakley recommends what is known as the Pomodoro Technique, developed by one Francesco Cirillo. Set a kitchen timer for a 25-minute stretch of focused work, followed by a brief reward, which includes a break for diffuse reflection. (“Pomodoro” is Italian for tomato--some timers look like tomatoes.) The reward--listening to a song, taking a walk, anything to enter a relaxed state--takes your mind off the task at hand. Precisely because you’re not thinking about the task, the brain can subconsciously consolidate the new knowledge. Dr. Oakley compares this process to “a librarian filing books away on shelves for later retrieval.”

As a bonus, the ritual of setting the timer can also help overcome procrastination. Dr. Oakley teaches that even thinking about doing things we dislike activates the pain centers of the brain. The Pomodoro Technique, she said, “helps the mind slip into focus and begin work without thinking about the work.”

“Virtually anyone can focus for 25 minutes, and the more you practice, the easier it gets.”

PRACTICE. “Chunking” is the process of creating a neural pattern that can be reactivated when needed. It might be an equation or a phrase in French or a guitar chord. Research shows that having a mental library of well-practiced neural chunks is necessary for developing expertise.

Practice brings procedural fluency, says Dr. Oakley, who compares the process to backing up a car. “When you first are learning to back up, your working memory is overwhelmed with input.” In time, “you don’t even need to think more than ‘Hey, back up,’” and the mind is free to think about other things.

Chunks build on chunks, and, she says, the neural network built upon that knowledge grows bigger. “You remember longer bits of music, for example, or more complex phrases in French.” Mastering low-level math concepts allows tackling more complex mental acrobatics. “You can easily bring them to mind even while your active focus is grappling with newer, more difficult information.”

KNOW THYSELF. Dr. Oakley urges her students to understand that people learn in different ways. Those who have “racecar brains” snap up information; those with “hiker brains” take longer to assimilate information but, like a hiker, perceive more details along the way. Recognizing the advantages and disadvantages, she says, is the first step in learning how to approach unfamiliar material.

[counttotwenty]

Bullet Points: Damn You, Leroy

A Wondrous Place-part 1

Bullet points are encapsulated scene analysis from the top of each act to the bottom. (each act is bookended by a commercial break)

1. Interesting blocking right from the first frame. Emma is seated on the counter with her feet quite literally not on solid ground. 

BOING!!!!

She moves from hunched forward to leaning back for a slight stretch. Her hair (gathered over one shoulder) and clothes (dark) are both atypical for her. Very subtle but clear representations that Emma is off her game.

2. “Where the hell is Hook anyway? Didn’t have the guts to come and tell me himself?”

This line does a nice job of giving us a lens through which to view David’s reactions (as limited as they are) in this ep. He’s only recently come to have a much more positive opinion of his father and now he finds out Hook, even with all the mitigating factors in place, was the one who killed Robert.

Had David stayed awake for the rest of this episode I think his story evolution would have been a lot different. Given a little time to process all the new information that got dumped on him I think he may very well have started to have a few questions. 

He has a very clear picture of who Killian really is. We know that for certain after their discussion on the dock a few eps back. But he just learned that Hook killed his father, followed immediately by news that Killian left town leaving his daughter a mess emotionally ... it’s not really surprising his initial reaction is what it is.

As a matter of fact, as many lapses of common sense that need to be hand waved when talking about a show involving fairy tale characters and magic, I’d have thrown a shoe at my tv if David’s initial reaction was to support and defend Killian. I mean...come on.

3. “I told him if he wasn’t ready to trust me we shouldn’t talk for a while ...”

The importance of this line really can’t be overstated. Emma places the impetus for Killian leaving on herself. She frames his leaving as something that was brought on by what she told him. So on top of everything else the text will reveal in the upcoming scenes about Emma’s state of mind there’s this little seed.

The fear that it was something she did/said that drove him away. Which is at the fear of her abandonment issues. That niggling little doubt that it was something about her that made everyone leave. Which is as much a source of pain as the abandonment itself.

BOING!!!!!

4. DAMN YOU, LEROY!!!!

5. Great cut to the Nautilus getting sucked through a portal proving Killian did not “just sail away”.

As a viewer we already know that to be true but Emma doesn’t and this is a nice visual representation of that.

6. The chaos aboard the Naultilus is a stark contrast to the relative calm of the Charmings’ apartment and that’s not an accident.

Right now Emma is shell shocked. Stunned if you will. And that shows in everything that surrounds her. There’s a flatness to it. 

By contrast Killian’s surroundings are nothing but stimulation. His mind is whirring. He’s desperate to get back to her.

I see you, show. Well done!!

7. The Kraken’s blood is a fantastic metaphor for what it is Killian needs to find/discover that will allow him to get back to where he wants to be. 

Killian dealt with the emotional obstacle hindering his reunion with Emma during the conversation with Snow on the docks--now it’s just about finding a way to overcome the physical separation.

8. ”I have to get back and tell her the truth.”

Since his not telling her the truth was a contributing factor to the fight to begin with, this line makes a very strong statement. He understands the role his issues played in what happened and he’s not going to make the same mistake again.

BOING!!!!!

One of the things I love most about the way this episode is structured is that by bringing in the Jasmine/Aladdin and Ariel/Eric storyline dynamics they found a way to show that Killian’s battles--both emotional and physical--are hard fought. 

His moment of clarity on the dock with Snow was great but if it had been left at that, if he had turned around, gone home and reconciled with Emma right then, it would have almost felt too easy. The viewer might well have had a hard time believing he had had truly overcome his own self-doubts.

And since this show is not prone to long, navel gazing speeches about feelings, the best way to illustrate that he has is by watching him interact with other characters dealing with similar issues.

It’s brilliant, really.

9. “I’ve spent a lifetime running away from those beasts.”

BOING!!! BOING!!! BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Killian also spent a lifetime running away from his issues and insecurities but now he’s ready to face them head on.

This is perhaps my favorite anvil of the episode. Hell, maybe even the entire arc.

10. “Gentlemen, let’s go hunting.”

AWESOME!!!!

11. As is always the case, the scenes that bracket the title card inform and illuminate each other.

We see right from the start that Jasmine and Aladdin are on a bit of a rocky path. The shot selection is brilliant showing them weave around trees (obstacles) passed rocks, up a small hill. 

A very subtle way of telling the audience that like Emma/Killian these two are dealing with a few things right now. 

Between the scene progression and the shot framing they’re creating a flashing read arrow saying--watch these two. Their storyline has something to say about Killian/Emma.

12. And right from the start we see one glaring similarity. Jasmine is in full search mode. She’s looking for home. Like Killian. While Aladdin is in more of an acceptance frame of mind. Like Emma.

13. And just in case it wasn’t clear enough at this point that these stories are tied together--a diamond ring gets introduced into the Jasmine/Aladdin storyline.

BOING!!!!!

14. “The wish didn’t give me Agrabah. It gave me a reminder of how I failed Agrabah.”

Like Killian felt he failed Emma.

There are anvils falling steadily from the sky and we’re only 5 minutes in but Jane’s writing is subtle and lyrical enough that I find them quite enjoyable.

Still ... BOING!!!!

15. Jasmine knows what she has to do ... and it involves a boat.

Heh.

16. Jasmine is quite confident she doesn’t need a prince with an army to ride in and save her and her city--she needs a hero she loves to stand beside her.

Sound familiar?

17. If this was an SAT question the answer would be--Jafar is to Jasmine what blank was to Killian. And the answer would be the personification of self-doubt which must be overcome to achieve happiness.

18. Even though the thing Killian desires most of all is to get back home, and the Kraken’s blood would help make that happen, he still chooses to save Jasmine and Aladdin, even if it means driving the Kraken away.

That single action makes it perfectly clear Killian’s redemption is complete. Especially when viewed in conjunction with Robert’s murder.

He killed Robert because that is who he was then, a villian. He saved Jasmine and Aladdin because that’s who his is now. A hero.

It can’t be made much more clear than that.

Next up--Strength in Numbers

[kane-and-griffin]

Hey so I known you don't particularly ship bellarke, but what do you think of the bellarke/kabby parallels? I'm only asking because I'm curious to see what the other side of the fandom thinks?

I actually do ship Bellarke!  Kabby is my #1 but I’ve always been invested in Clarke and Bellamy’s relationship.  I have very strong opinions about Kabby/Bellarke parallels and have talked about this at LENGTH on Meta Station, where @reblogginhood, my co-host and best friend, is a ride-or-die Bellarke shipper, so most of the time I feel like I have dual citizenship through Erin (and vice versa, since the Kabby fandom loves her too).  We both love both those ships, and we both love all four of those characters, just in rearranged order, and we like to yell about this a LOT.

I’ve meta’d on this before a number of different times, but I’m too lazy to go back and dig up old posts, so here goes.

First of all, if you are a Bellarke shipper (are you a Bellarke shipper? Am I reading this ask correctly?  HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIIIIIDE), the most important thing I want to say in aid of positive fandom-to-fandom relations is that the phrase “Kabby/Bellarke parallels” has begun to elicit a knee-jerk primal scream reaction among Kabby shippers over the past few months, since we regularly find the Kabby tag full of posts that either describe Kabby as the “old” version of Bellarke, or that it only exists to pave the way for Bellarke, or that the parallels that exist (and they do exist, and we’ll get to that in a second) essentially make Kane and Abby metaphors instead of people who only exist in the narrative to shed light on Bellarke instead of being their own characters with value and storylines of their own.  Articles or blog posts highlighting the things that make Kabby special to Kabby shippers will get reblogged with someone saying “if you change the names, it’s about Bellarke!” or with lengthy meta about how Bellarke had that thing first or that the Kabby version of some particular moment or symbol or metaphor or visual cue or phrase only exists because it will become MORE important later, when it’s attached to Bellarke. 

So I’m frustrated because I love this ask, I love getting this question, I love talking about the relationship among these four characters, but also it’s hard - as you can imagine - to feel like we’re told over and over again that the things we feel make our ship, and these two characters, really special to us, don’t really matter on their own merits.  

Anyway, I’m saying that both A) so the Kabby fandom, where we are perpetually having this conversation, knows MOM’S ON IT, and B) so that you as a Bellarke shipper who seems delightful and asked a great question has some context for why sometimes other asks or posts about this - which aren’t phrased as nicely as yours was - receive a negative response or make Kabby shippers upset.  I think the context is important here, because this has been a BIG thing in our world of late and we’re all a little thin-skinned about it right now.

Okay but that being said LET’S MOVE ON TO THE FUN PART AND TALK ABOUT CHARACTER PARALLELS BECAUSE I LOVE CHARACTER PARALLELS AND I THINK ABOUT THESE ONES ALL THE TIME AND I’M FULL OF OPINIONS AND YOU ASKED FOR THEM SO YOU’RE GONNA GET ‘EM

oh wait I found another post where I already did this STILL GONNA YELL ABOUT IT THOUGH, MY HOUSE MY RULES

Okay so FIRST OF ALL let me just real quick BLOW YOUR MIND with my Kabby/Bellarke parallels theory, which is that the REAL parallel is Abby/Bellamy vs. Clarke/Kane and everyone else has it backwards. 

I think the easy, default place most people go to when we talk about this is to contrast Kane and Bellamy - the self-doubting, tortured, wannabe martyrs who carry the weight of every sin on their shoulders well past the point of reason - with Abby and Clarke - the resourceful mother and daughter who never give up and will drag all of humanity kicking and screaming to their salvation if it’s the LAST THING THEY FUCKING DO.  And I think there’s a lot of interesting character stuff to be mined there, for sure; I think Kane and Bellamy’s parallel redemption arcs are some of the best stuff they’ve done in the whole series (until 3A Bellamy regressed back to an asshole but let’s skip past that for the moment), illustrating the way that for both of them, the Culling was really a turning point where they realized that they will forever carry the burden of having been complicit in that massive loss of innocent life (Bellamy for throwing away Raven’s radio and Kane for not waiting like Abby asked him to) which could have been prevented if they had listened to the Griffins.  It’s beautifully executed, even in S1 when these two characters have never interacted onscreen, and it ramps up even more in S2 where we see them meet and immediately butt heads with each other before in S3 developing a real partnership.  (Which then got torn to shreds.  I’m still bitter over 3A Kellamy  I’M GONNA NEED A HUG IN S4 JASON DO U HEAR ME) (I mean I need Kane to hug Bellamy, not like I’m requesting a hug from Jason, TO BE CLEAR).  And I think the mother/daughter parallels are drawn beautifully as well, especially in S1 where we see Abby on the Ark and Clarke on the ground filling similar roles and working towards the same goal, barreling through the opposition however they must.

BUT.  If we’re talking about which characters are MOST SIMILAR, then I think you CANNOT get away from the reality that the parallels are actually gender-flipped.

Clarke has a lot of her mom in her, clearly, as well as a lot of her dad.  But she’s not actually the kind of leader her mom is.  She’s the kind of leader Kane is.  Abby and Bellamy are the ones with the crowd charisma and the stubborn recklessness; Clarke and Kane are the cool-headed, deliberate strategic thinkers.  Bellamy and Abby have quick minds and no fear and will do absolutely anything, no matter how insane, to protect the people they love.  You can map, beat-for-beat, so many of the things Bellamy does for Octavia onto the things Abby does for Clarke, and vice versa.  Abby sneaking the kids out the back door with guns in the middle of the night to go find Clarke? Bellamy would do that in a second.  Bellamy sneaking onto the dropship to make sure Octavia doesn’t go to earth unprotected?  ABBY AF.  They both begin the show as people who are fiercely focused on keeping the person they love most safe, and it makes them blind to ancillary consequences.  Bellamy will fight anyone.  Abby will tell any lie.  There is no such thing as too far, when the person you love is at stake.  WE know Abby’s hope that the kids are alive is borne out by fact, but NO ONE ELSE ON THE ARK KNOWS THAT.  From Kane’s point of view, she’s being as unreasonable and reckless as Clarke thinks Bellamy is when she yells at him about the radio.  Or think about Abby sneaking Bellamy and Finn out the back door with guns to go hunt for Clarke, even knowing she would get in trouble for it.  You know who else would do THAT EXACT SAME THING in those circumstances?  BELLAMY BLAKE.  I bet they cooked up that scheme together off-camera.  So what I think is interesting for both of them is how their circle expands over the course of three seasons to change the way they are as leaders, and the ways in which their recklessness is tempered by their leadership partners. 

I’m fascinated by the relationship between Clarke and Kane, and I hope we get more of it in S4.  I heard rumblings that they go together to find Kenza, the Nightblood scout, and I’m hoping we get a lil’ dad/daughter road trip bonding, because I think they have a really strong connection and they share a similar leadership brain.  Where Abby and Bellamy are quick and passionate and make snap decisions, Clarke and Kane are more calculating.  They’re thinking in the big picture and the longer term.  Floating 300 people to save the whole Ark, and irradiating the residents of Mt. Weather to save all the Sky People, are identical decision-making processes; not everyone can live, someone is going to have to die, so how to we map out the most effective path where the fewest of my people die as possible for maximum survival?  Whereas there’s nothing Bellamy wouldn’t burn to the ground to save Octavia.  Leadership isn’t PERSONAL for Clarke and Kane, not right off the bat.  It’s about the numbers.  It’s about as many people as possible surviving.  And so sometimes you have to let the bomb fall on Tondc, because letting those people die is the only way to give your own people the chance to live, even though Abby “there has to be another way” Griffin finds that notion so appalling she can hardly even recognize her daughter in that moment.  But you know who understood it immediately, and didn’t judge her?  Kane.  Kane and Abby’s scene underground in 2x13 is such a beautiful, crucial moment in their relationship, but it’s also the moment the show really begins to lean in on this idea that Kane can see Clarke more clearly than Abby can, because she’s Abby’s baby girl and Abby is still trying to protect her from harm - including from the harm of having to make, and then face the consequences of, terrible decisions.  But Kane is the one who tells Abby not to diminish either Clarke or Lexa’s leadership skills just because they’re young.  Kane is the one who calmly talks Clarke down when they’re trying to figure out who poisoned Lexa’s drink, using the same kind of coolheaded, rational language we can easily imagine Clarke using to one of the delinquents if the shoe was on the other foot.  And so it makes perfect sense that it would be Clarke and Kane who make the strategic decision, together, that Skaikru joining the Grounder Alliance is the smartest long-term tactical decision - a notion we see that Abby and Bellamy don’t like, because they, emotional thinkers that they are, still haven’t forgiven Lexa or decided they can trust her again.

I’m really interested in where the lines end up getting drawn in S4, but it definitely seems to me, from the bits and pieces we’ve seen and heard, that Clarke has some kind of crazy-ass save-the-world plan that other people think is too reckless or too dangerous or will have too high a casualty rate, and that the group sort of divides itself into factions based on who is willing to get on board and who is resisting (or just giving up and waiting to die).  And it does seem, from the trailer, that Kane and Abby are using the same language Clarke is using.  We’ve also heard that Bellamy and Clarke are back as a power duo again, so my guess is he’ll be on the squad too.  So what I’m really excited about, because we’ve never really had this before, is the four of them working together as a co-leadership team.  I want to see Chancellor Kane and Ambassador Clarke negotiating with Roan and Luna.  I want Abby and Bellamy working together in Arkadia to convince their people to go along with Clarke’s plan.  I want Clarke and Abby to talk about Lexa and Jake, about how you go on with a hole in your heart and how to grieve and heal.  I want Kane and Bellamy to talk through all the things that happened in S3, how Bellamy almost got Kane executed because he stopped trusting him, how ALIE made Kane almost murder Bellamy in cold blood, and where they go from here.  I want us to see the parallel relationship dynamics - the big-hearted, loving Griffins who are used to giving and receiving affection reaching out to the isolated protector men who are still getting used to the idea that they have a place they belong and people who care about them. 

TO CONCLUDE: Abby is Bellamy and Clarke is Kane and they’re a big beautiful leadership power squad family and I love them all with my whole heart THANK U AND GOODNIGHT

[cheddarjacked-blog]

Contextual draft £2

Our project encompasses technology, art and collaborative design within the umbrella of post-human; human enhancement. I and Amal Chandrasena are working towards an art installation that looks into human physical enhancements while bringing people together to make art. We understand at this point in time that we may be so limited technically that we may have to divert our efforts into creating a mock-up of this installation, here follows our plans and research.

We have begun research in the areas of collaborative and live art. From looking at people and programs being used we began by planning an exhibition that would bring people together to make art with other people on the spot. We found that our idea was unique and so far we haven’t found anyone who’s created this before. We found a few artists working with live art; Beo Beyond, LeRoy Neiman, Dr Gorilla and artists like Paul Sermon using technology to create art and look at human psychology. Taking inspiration from these artists we started looking for a platform we could use to allow multiple people to work together, we found CoSketch. CoSketch is a program like MSPaint, where the user has a free canvas, it’s online and anyone on the website at the same time can paint with the other users. We’ve so far failed to connect CoSketch to a system that can overlay the drawings in tandem with a live video of a user. We’re currently in our third stage of prototyping where we’re trying to find ways to solve this issue.

Our underlying theme for the project is human enhancement. The artwork is a metaphor for how people in the future might design babies before birth. Enhancing them with abilities, deleting and adding genes and crafting their appearance. According to Harravi (2015), when we engineer life we become post-human, we become Homo Deus: man-god. The users in our installation will be playing the designers. Soon, however, we will indeed be able to change our genetics. Glannon, W. (2002). The British Institute of Posthuman Studies (2014) discusses how abolitionism will take us to abolishing suffering through genetic modification of our makeup. We’re currently set up to be more overly anxious about our surroundings because our bodies believe that we’re still being hunted by lions. When we see images of threats we react to stress hormones and physical reflexes. (Bradley, Margaret 2001) By changing our systems to factor in our new environment we could be happier. Our model isn’t about genetic modification but more about the basic idea of tapping into ourselves and how the regular layman will go about in that process. It’s about finding out how what the regular person would do with the power of a god.

In this installation we hope to connect multiple people to a single canvas, that canvas being a person to see how they would change that persons features given the control. Although we have been struggling with technical solutions we envision a video stream of a person being viewed on multiple tablets, these tablets would be equipped with software capable of manipulating and enhancing the person on screen, think illustrator and hand cut collages. The twist is that everyone holding a tablet can see the changes being made by everyone else, there is only one canvas and all users would work together to create an idea. These users would not be told that they’re connected and would only discover the shared space after they had started to use the software. At this stage, we can’t connect the stream to a canvas so are planning a video in which we conceptualize this installation with programs that fill the purpose.

The installation design has been creative and filled with opportunities, we have now narrowed ourselves into a path filled with technical obstacles and may have to create a mock-up. In the process, however, we have learnt about new styles of art and how close humans are coming to changing themselves genetically. The process has been a great example of sandboxing, the ability of our team to move forward and to create new ideas.

Emotion and motivation I: Defensive and appetitive reactions in picture processing. By Bradley, Margaret M., Codispoti, Maurizio, Cuthbert, Bruce N., Lang, Peter J.

Emotion, Vol 1(3), Sep 2001, 276-298 http://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2001-10055-007

PostHuman: An Introduction to Transhumanism https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTMS9y8OVuY&t=532s

Glannon, W. (2002). Genes And Future People. New York: Routledge. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/9780429968785

[fem-castielnovak]

I want to talk about storyteller!Cas who knows all these legends and lore and can talk for days about the things and people he’s seen over the millennia. Who loves history and knowing firsthand how humans have grown in intelligence and ability and how their interactions have changed with society even as it all tied together. Humans tell stories; it’s what they do, it’s how they communicate and Castiel appreciates that on occasion he gets to participate in the storytelling firsthand. 

I like to think about Cas making friends in Purgatory, too. Even as he tried to remain a hermit. Maybe he found himself stumbling onto a camp of lesser supernatural creatures who couldn't tell he was an angel. And maybe he was so starved for contact that he didn't think anything of pausing to rest with them, and then they convinced him to join their group because there's safety in numbers (lesser supernatural creatures try to follow this code in the predator-filled forest) and because he's a good storyteller. So he makes friends with them and travels with them for weeks, able to easily get them to continue moving away from Dean. Until they stumble onto some Leviathans who slaughter everyone except Cas because Cas is the only one who can manage to get away. He makes the mistake of making friends one more time before realizing that the leviathans will always find him and always slaughter his companions. And that's when Dean finds him.

Now please consider storyteller!Cas in purgatory, newly happened upon by Dean and his vampire buddy. It would take a few days for them to adjust to being together as a group, and they'd talk about what they did in their separation but when Cas mentions the storytelling part, he's mildly surprised when Dean shows interest in it. He knows Dean's forte is myths and lore but they've only had a few conversations about it. The next day, as they're traveling, Dean sniffs and sighs, breathing in the too cold air before asking, "So, Cas - what do you know about Purgatory?" "You might want to narrow your question," he responds and gives a wry glance which Dean returns easily. "You're familiar with Dante's divine comedy, yes?" "It's been years since I read it through but yeah." He turns to the vampire, "You ever read it, Benny?" "Can't say that I have." "'S a good story," Dean says, looking forward once more and nodding to himself. "The stories recorded by Dante are more artful and of course, twisted to rhyme,” Cas intones, “But the overall themes and concepts as well as the cyclical nature of it all stands true." "So was God really a reading rainbow?" Dean asks with a grin. Cas squints at him, "I assume you're making a reference by twisting Dante's portrayal of the Devine, but no, God was and is not to my knowledge a book surrounded by refractions of light. Man made in his image is closer from what I understand. Dante was never actually permitted to see God,” he adds, “that was just the way he processed what he was presented with." "So what actually happened?" Dean asks. And his voice intones that he is ripe to hear the story in its truth; Cas soaks in the moment and then begins to speak. Over the next few days and nights he tells them the whole tale. Benny and Dean ask questions that keep him on his toes and keep him talking because it means they're still interested. Sometimes they're interrupted by fighting or hiding in silence and the topic might change in/because of that interim, but Cas's companions would always bring it back to the story of Dante and Virgil and Dante's search for Beatrice.

So Cas paints this picture of words. And he revels in the way his telling of this story can visibly evoke emotion in his companions and keep them interested enough to ask questions and make commentary that provokes thought and discussion. And Cas gets caught up in the characters; discussing who they were in life and why it was important that they meet Dante and how they interacted in the story. And Benny, romantic that he is, asks about Dante's relationship to Beatrice, which of course raises Dean's own questions on the matter. ((in reality, Beatrice and Dante had a great meetcute but Dante was creepily obsessed with Beatrice for his entire life even after she died so I rewrote it and romanticized it like he does in his books)) So Cas describes Dante and Beatrice's relationship. "In the stories," he says, "she is a beatific character because of her name and because of the way Dante almost idolized her. In reality, she brought light and love to his life; and eventually she would be what connected him to Paradise. They were childhood sweethearts and circumstances dictated that they couldn't marry but they remained in love with one another and were the closest of confidantes - best friends when they were not allowed to be anything more. When Beatrice died, Dante was desolate. His potential is formidable though, and he was sent a *dream vision* of the afterlife in three parts." "Isn't that the thing where writers use dreams in their writing to talk about stuff - knowledge - that they supposedly they can't realize when they're awake?" Dean asks, then snaps his fingers and points at Cas, "Beowulf." "Dream of the Rood is the more popular example but yes, dream visions were popular storytelling devices in the time of Beowulf." Dean nods and Cas goes on. "The purpose of his dream was to impart and spread the knowledge he learned. Getting to see Beatrice at the end of it was just an incentive. As the three of us are well aware, the journey through the afterlife is not an easy one." Emphasizing his point, Benny and Dean both nearly slide down a sudden slope that cuts off part of the path. They recompose themselves and Cas turns back to the path ahead of them, "Dante was the only one deemed talented and dedicated enough to reach the end goal." "He was //that in love with her?" Benny asks. Cas nods. (^that never sent earlier)Last Tuesday at 1:49 PMfem-deanwinchester"They meant the world to each other. Virgil made it clear that Dante would see her again in heaven at the end of his life, but it wasn't enough. Which, again, was the point of sending him rather than someone else with his talents. But it's still beautiful to think about." Dean's gone quiet, but Cas keeps talking about Dante's struggle through the afterlife and how the clearly outlined and ordered trials of Purgatory were presented to him in a specific manner so as to appear ordered and were, in reality different physical and metaphorical monsters to be battled. "Virgil was charged with protecting Dante and illustrating the lessons he was meant to learn. It was a more difficult job than one might think, because the whole time, Virgil kept having to reassure Dante that they were in fact on the path to heaven to meet Beatrice. Dante seemed to think that the lessons were merely a diversion along the journey to reunite with his love. He did learn them, though, and after a time was even able to assist Virgil in battling the physical monsters, not just the metaphorical ones." "Wait, go back a minute," Benny actually stops in his tracks to say this, and Cas thinks he might be about to prop his machete up in the ground. "Are you tellin' me that there's a way to get to heaven from Purgatory?" "Well, firstly this was something less than a physical journey to Purgatory, and secondly there were special circumstances where a portal - not unlike the one we're heading to - was opened for them to travel through. The original illustrations for it are beautiful in the books." "So, can't your Angel buddies come scoop us up and get us the hell out of here? Swing low sweet chariot?" Cas resists the very telling and human urge to clear his throat, "The politics of heaven have changed dramatically in the past four years, let alone the past four hundred." "Is that a no?" Benny asks expectantly. "That's a no," Cas tells him dryly before turning back around to start walking again. They get through what little they have left to discuss of the last Le of Dante's journey through purgatory but get interrupted just as he enters the garden of heaven. The battle is short work but night falls quickly in the land of gods and monsters. Finding territory that isn't hunting grounds or camp grounds for anyone else takes what little time qualifies as sunset and then they're building a fire with the driest logs they can find. Benny has a little bag of purgatory-herbs he tosses into the fire; the scent and heat-light combination help deter other monsters from bothering them at night, although in especially dangerous territory, patrol shifts are necessary. Benny shoves a pile of leaves together and lays stretched out on his side while Dean and Cas lean up against trees on opposite sides of the fire. It gets too cold at night for any of them to get more than a couple of feet away from the flames so they can still speak in low voices (both for polite reasons and so they don't attract unwanted attention). "So, what happens when he finds Beatrice?" Benny asks. Dean scoffs because he's started making fun of Benny about begging for bedtime stories each night. Cas doesn't mind though, and he can tell Dean like it too. He thinks it makes them both feel normal for a little; humans have always been storytellers. "Dante, even though he was prepared to find her, was still shocked to finally see her after so long. So he stood still for a  moment, called out her name and stared as he took her in. She smiled at him with the grace of a soul content in their afterlife and they embraced," Cas likes to embellish sometimes because he can tell what his audience wants to hear, but he can picture this perfectly.

"The trip through paradise was a lot of standing around and explaining and peeling back veils and dimensions and layers of enlightenment. Beatrice held his hand and stood close to guide him through it all. She played her part to perfection by imparting knowledge and truths to Dante so without sparing comfort." He can hear how grandiose he's getting but there's real poignancy in this story. He goes into detail about what it was she told him and why it was important and talks about it for a while but when he catches sight of Dean stifling a yawn, he promises them that tomorrow, he'll describe the unseeable and celestial dimensions and beings that were partially revealed to Dante. Benny grunts goodnight then rolls over and starts snoring softly. Cas watches him for a moment and can feel Dean staring at him from across the fire. Cas musters himself and turns to meet his gaze. The fire feels too accurate, crackling between them as they stare. Dean seems too lost in thought for his first words not to be a diversion; "You're a fantastic storyteller, Cas. I get why Sam would sometimes come outta conversations with such a big nerd boner.” He tries for a grin, “When we're done with Dante's Bible study you should let me pick your brain about other types of mythology." Cas holds their locked gaze but he remains silent. Dean sighs. "I figured it out," he says, serious and resigned. "You're my Beatrice." Cas glances surreptitiously at their snoring companion. "Doesn't matter if he's awake or not," Dean says, catching him at it, "Pretty sure he knows already, anyways." Cas takes his time bringing his eyes back to meet Dean's. "What I want to know," Dean continues, "is when you figured it out." He waits a beat, "How long have you known?" "A long time." "Your narrow and specific time frame is appreciated," he says, and Lord have mercy on Castiel - Dean hasn't been this rudely sarcastic to him in ages. He'd thought they'd gotten past that. "Not as long as the feelings have been there but not less than two years." "Jesus," Dean mutters, "and you didn't think to mention this to me?" "I didn't think you'd want me knowing." "For future reference, you having knowledge of my incredibly personal secrets is something I'd like to be discretely," he delivers a knowing look with the emphasis, "made aware of." Cas waits in case he has anything else to add. "Duly noted." "...So there's not a different, more personal reason you didn't say anything?" Cas lets confusion color his expression. "Like pulling fucking teeth," Dean sighs and then in a voice riddled with sarcasm asks, "Are my advances wanted? Is this terrible pining one-sided? You're my Beatrice, but am I your Dante?" "Dean-" Cas starts, but cuts himself off with a sigh and sudden avoidance of his gaze. Dean gives him a generous minute. "Cas." he prompts. "Do my feelings offend you?"  he asks with careful, patronizing enunciation.  "No." Cas responds, but even he can tell that Dean is going to need more than that. "They're returned." He forces himself to look across the fire once more. "Returned?" Dean asks, nearly incredulous. "So- You feel the same way about me as I feel about you?"  "That's usually what's meant when-" "Cut the crap." "So, you get to be sarcastic but I don't?" "Cas, you literally just told me you were in love with me." "Thank you, I'm aware." "Jesus," Dean swipes a hand over his face but lifts his face. "So?" he asks quietly. "So, what." "So-, so- are we gonna do anything about this?" Cas hesitates, "I wasn't sure you'd //want to do anything about ... this." "Cas. Buddy. You're the one holding all the cards here. What is it that you want?" But Cas isn't thinking about what he wants. Or he is, but only in the peripheral sense of the way Dean is involving it in their conversation. What he's thinking about is how Dean feels and what he's going to feel when ... at the end of the day they can't be together. He's thinking long-term about Dean's abandonment issues but he's also thinking about Dean's issues with rejection, and what sort of story/out Cas can create that Dean will buy into and accept. He's trying to find a middle ground that isn't a ... a fucking purgatory of emotion (he wants to roll his eyes at himself and the English language for that). "Is it... is it a good idea to start something here? Now?" Dean stares again, "Cas, if you felt about me how I felt about you-" "Dean, I want this. I also don't want anything to spoil my chances with you. This ... this, with you doesn't feel like a risk. It feels like an inevitability. But I want you to be safe and I don't want you to be hurt."  Dean frowns severely, "And what?" he asks rhetorically as he moves to stand without warning. "Being around you constantly - which is something that will continue to happen - spending all this time together, knowing we want each other but not doing anything about it," he begins to slowly round the fire, "is supposed to, what? Protect me? How?" he asks, crouching down to sit beside Cas who stares into the fire. He lowers his voice, "I know you're aware that that doesn't make sense. You're just afraid. So either give me a real reason, or kiss me." The words are phrased lightheartedly but his expression is confrontational. Cas takes his sweet time before looking away from the flames. Dean is close enough to share body heat. His face is open and searching, and Castiel can only think of moths batting at lampshades and turtles following the light of the moon. He leans in swiftly - time will only make him doubt himself and he wants to be allowed to have this. Their lips meet and break. 

They kiss for a long time. 

Dean slowly, progressively tangles their bodies together until they're horizontal and slack-mouthed. "Didn't wanna sleep alone tonight," Dean mumbles, nuzzling into the corner of Castiel's shoulder. “Glad I don’t have to.” Cas hushes him and rubs a soothing hand across his back. Another pretense. But Cas knew what was coming. What is coming, still. He knows what's going to happen; at this point it's just a matter of how long it lasts. Because Cas has told Dean how the story plays out, and it was written five centuries ago. He's played by the rules; Dean's had his warning. And if he can't see what the end means, well... It's just another game Castiel has to play to execute his escape and get Dean safely back home. He wonders what they'll talk about when the Divine Comedy has wrapped itself up; thinks about how he's going to finish the story tomorrow. He's said everything in fullness. But the part he's going to have to be careful about, is the analysis of the ending. Because no matter how much either of them wanted it, Beatrice couldn't come back with Dante.