#for some reason i thought i made the original one late 2021

[leeeeeeef]

gilded blood

(ace attorney vampire au)

doodles and stuff under cut (cw for small amounts of blood)

this was actually a redraw of something i made in april. yes i did post it to social media. please dont try to look for it. i will actually cry

[imagine-knowing-a-name]

Take My Hand

Summary: After the proposal in Jeff for Dinner, it's finally time for the wedding, where Jeff will play a role of upmost importance.

Word Count: 4560 Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader Warnings: alcohol intake, quite heavy on the romance (it's a wedding), but mostly just a whole lot of fluff! A/N: hello! this was originally supposed to be a celebration of two years since I posted my first fic here (23rd October 2021) but uhhh, I missed that date, so here's a slightly belated story :) Hope you enjoy! Comments and reblogs greatly appreciated!

Part of The Jeff Fictional Universe (don't need to read the others to understand, but Jeff for Dinner might give some useful backstory)

You hurried through the house with increasing urgency; Clint would be picking you up any minute now and you still needed to get Jeff ready – if only you could find him first. You caught sight of red hair strewn over the sofa and hoped it would be your salvation.

“Love?” you asked. Natasha hummed from her spot, tilting her head back to see you. You smiled. “Have you seen Jeff? We need to be off to whatever worrying thing Clint has planned but I haven’t gotten him ready yet.”

“Yeah he’s in- wait, what do you mean by ‘we’? I thought I was taking Jeff.” Natasha had turned fully now, your soon-to-be-wife giving you her full attention and locking you in her gaze like a deer in headlights.

“I- well- if he hadn’t turned down being Best Man then he would have helped organise this, so I thought it made more sense that he comes with me.”

“But you know how much he loves Yelena. And Wanda.”

“He loves Clint too!... or maybe 'likes' is more appropriate," you corrected based on Natasha's grimace,"but I can still speak with him, so I think he’d have a better time with me.”

“You go get ready,” Natasha instructed, “I’ll find Jeff and we can finish this later on.” She said it so firmly, so definitely, that you nodded and went along with it, forgetting you were already ready until you were back in your bedroom, and by then it was too late.

Natasha’s promise wasn’t a lie as such, but she called Jeff back into the room the moment you went out of earshot, opened her backpack for him to climb in, then hurried outside to where Yelena sat waiting for her in the car. She would discuss it with you later, as promised, but only after Jeff attended her bachelorette party.

“You got Jeff!” greeted the Widows as they entered, an already tipsy Maria yelling it as soon as she saw the landshark enter.

Yelena hadn’t taken them far, only to an apartment she owned in the city, but it was clear the night of drinking and dancing had already begun. Jeff purred cautiously and butted the side of his head against Natasha’s leg; the contents of the party were kept secret from her, which meant neither she nor Jeff knew what to expect as they entered.

It turned out to be a fairly quiet affair, with only a handful of women whom Natasha trusted closely, but it looked set to be an entertaining night: karaoke, copious volumes of alcohol readily available (more entertaining for Yelena and Natasha, as the other women didn’t have the high tolerance that the Widows had trained themselves for) and… a pole… installed right in the middle of Yelena’s living room.

“Is there a reason for that?” Natasha asked.

Yelena smirked, turning away from her sister and heading straight for the bar, “you’ll have to wait and see!”

Jeff purred again, causing Natasha to look down at him: he had placed two hands on the pole and looked up to Natasha for instructions on what to do next. She shook her head. “I’d avoid that, Jeff, you don’t want to know what it’s used for. Maybe in another life, if we had one of our own, I’d teach you… but not here.”

Jeff sighed, but he trusted Natasha’s words and backed away from the pole. The drinking was of no interest to him, even if Yelena had made him a number of landshark-friendly, alcohol-free cocktails. Instead, he headed straight for the machine in the corner; Wanda needed a karaoke partner.

The night took its toll on all of you, so even though you only made it through the front door at 4pm the next day, your mind still wasn't working at its best. Jeff 'mrrrr'd a greeting as he strolled right past you and your head followed the path of the landshark, gears turning in your brain thinking of what you wanted to tell him.

"Were you here all night?" you eventually said.

"Mrrr." He replied: 'No.'

"Then where…" you trailed off, both because Jeff has continued on and because you once again caught sight of red hair peeking out from the edge of the sofa; the pieces finally clicked together.

"You took Jeff then." You went to stand beside the woman before you spoke, knowing her night would have been as rough as yours; you wanted to be careful not to startle her.

She smiled when she saw you were home, then nodded weakly. "Sorry I snuck him out."

"It was for the best." You shook your head slowly as memories of the night before came back in flashes. Natasha lifts her legs up so that you can take a seat, before gently setting them back down, this time over your lap; she ignores your raised eyebrow and shuffles back to her lounging position. Her focus stayed on your face as you continued: "Clint got a little passive aggressive after a few drinks, over the fact that I asked Jeff to be Best Man before him – having Jeff in attendance would have definitely made things worse." You sigh. "Did he have a good time?"

"I'm pretty sure he duetted 'My Heart Will Go On' with Wanda," Natasha said. She pulled herself up, choosing to rest her head on your shoulder rather than the arm rest; you pulled her closer. "...it was an odd night."

"For both of us," you agreed, "but we made it through. The next party we have will be after we're married. And it'll be a night to remember."

The following week passed with surprising speed; Fury kept Natasha off of missions (lest she be injured or even missing on her wedding day) which allowed you both the free time to prepare the finishing touches and simply spend some time being together.

You hadn't fought during that week, nor grown tired of each other, which left you pretty confident that marrying Natasha would be one of the best decisions of your life – second only to rescuing Jeff, in your opinion.

By the time you bid goodbye to Natasha – letting her friends, family, and teammates take care of her for the night before the wedding – you felt your mind buzzing with excitement, and your eyes drifting to the clock in the hopes that hours would pass within the seconds you took your eyes away from the timekeeping instrument.

"You can't be apart from her for 5 minutes?" a voice said from behind you. You spun quickly, startled by the break in your focus, only to see Steve standing there, his hands in his pockets, with a slight smirk on his face.

At the familiar face, you allowed yourself to relax slightly, shoulders slumping forward and a sharp exhale escaping you. He was still waiting for your answer, so you shook your head and mirrored his 'hands in pocket' stance. 

"It's been a long time coming," you attempted to explain, "this last night is just…I'm getting impatient." 

Much to your relief, he nodded in understanding and stepped forward to rest a hand on your shoulder. "Our lives are fairly unpredictable; we never know what the next day brings so it can be hard waiting for something when anything can happen in between." Now it was your turn to nod, his words matched your own thoughts well. "Enjoy tonight," he suggested, "Enjoy the peace of having 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes' making sure nothing goes wrong. And after tomorrow you'll have many more great nights with Natasha officially by your side."

"Thank you, Steve"

"Anytime, Y/N/N. I also came to say that you have a visitor from Natasha's side."

You shot your head back up to look at him then, mind taking you through all the possibilities of who it could, until Steve turned to the door and beckoned towards the – previously unnoticed – small, grey nose peeking out.

"Jeff!" you cheered, and he switched from a trot to a full run into your arms. His tail wagged ferociously as he rubbed his nose against your whole body, purring contentedly. You shot Steve a smile and a silent thanks when you caught him leaving the room, then it was just you and Jeff.

"How have you been, Jeff? What have you been up to? Are you feeling ready?"

"Mrrrrr!" he squealed, holding two hands in front of him in a clear sign for you to slow down.

"Okay, sorry, one at a time. How are things going over there?"

"Mrrrr. Mrrrrr, mrrrrr."

"Oh…right."

Crisp air greeted you from the second you stepped outside, only growing colder and gustier as you left the shelter of the building and headed silently towards the body of water – and the figure standing beside it.

"You know, I'm not supposed to see my bride before the wedding."

"That's an archaic rule."

"I thought you wanted a traditional wedding; that comes with traditions."

"A traditional wedding wouldn't have a landshark as a ring bearer."

You looked down at Jeff.

"Mrrrr."

"You're very wanted here, Jeff."

"Mrr."

You turned back to face the pond, your eyes tracing the edges of its still reflection. "Jeff would be very busy if all weddings required a landshark."

Natasha hummed her agreement, before finally turning to you, rather than the glistening water. "You can look, you know, if you're comfortable. You won't even catch my eye in the reflection."

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to look, or…" 

When her hand found yours, you did finally look. You took in her appearance through the distorted ripples of water before shifting to see her original beauty. She smiled, and her hand squeezed yours in encouragement.

"I'm glad you got the message; I wasn't sure if Jeff understood it enough to pass the message on."

"He paraphrased," you said with a shrug, "but I'm getting the hang of deciphering what you actually said out of what he says."

Natasha laughed at that, causing the smile on your own face to grow wider. Until you remembered your concerns from the message. "This… it's not cold feet, is it?"

Her eyes widened and she jumped immediately into reassurances that it was not. "It's more like the opposite. Time seems to be dragging on and I just wanted to see you and make it pass faster, like it always does when I'm with you."

You kissed her then; the sudden motion surprised her initially, but she held you close and smiled sweetly against your lips as soon as it ended. "Steve just convinced me out of doing the exact same thing."

"Guess we're made for each other then."

"I guess we are."

Your fiancée edged forward again, looking to resume the kiss, before a loud mrrr cut her off and had you both pulling back.

"Dude?!"

Natasha rolled her eyes – despite the hint of a smile – and took a gentler approach to the landshark's interruption. "What is it Jeff?"

"Mrrrr."

"He wants to go to bed," you translated, "really, Jeff?"

After a quick scratch of his fin, Natasha stood up and you frowned, knowing what she was going to say. "You should probably take him back."

You inhaled sharply, nodded slowly, and traced your thumb over the ring on her left hand. "I should. And I will, but before that…"

Natasha leant in and pressed a chaste kiss on your lips, grinning as she pulled away. "Go on and take Jeff back then."

"I'll see you tomorrow, my love."

"And for every day after that. No backing out after tomorrow."

"That thought would never even cross my mind"

"Mrrrr!" Jeff interrupted again, this time with his hands wrapped around your ankle to pull you away.

"Yeah okay, okay," you conceded, beginning the short walk to your accommodation for the night, with Jeff by your side. You looked back at Natasha when you were halfway there, only to see that she was still watching the two of you.

She waved you off, mouthing 'go', and you did as you were told.

You couldn't wait for tomorrow to come.

For all your excitement about the day, the nerves were something you felt woefully unprepared for; it was comparable to the feeling of your first mission, only 100 times worse. This wasn't life or death, nor a high-stakes 'anything could go wrong' scenario, yet in a secluded room adjacent to the chapel, with your teammates and your landshark by your side, the energy in your body was indelible.

You channelled it into action, readjusting Jeff's suit lapels for the sixth time since you'd arrived at the venue, then testing him to ensure he knew his role.

He must have breathed a sigh of relief when Clint put his hand on your shoulder, telling you that it was time to go in. Melina smiled – a silent reassurance of your place in their family, even before marriage – then she stepped through the large, oak double doors and led your procession down the aisle. You followed to take your place at the altar, with Clint arriving at your side soon after. The bridesmaids and groomsmen took their seats and, after Yelena had settled, it was Jeff's time to shine.

A chorus of 'awww's resounded as Jeff appeared in the doorway, the giant archway serving well to emphasise his small, lovable stature. He strode proudly down the aisle, letting the basket swing from his mouth with every step and forging a trail of flowers in his path. 

Despite his confidence, you saw how his eyes lit up to recognise certain guests in the crowd; you didn't mind how he veered off course to greet them – how could you? The image of him plucking a flower from his basket and passing it directly to Kate would forever bless your mind. 

Besides, he made it down the aisle eventually and that is all you'd asked him for. He presented the basket to Clint and let the archer pocket the two ring boxes buried at the base, before Jeff set the basket to the side and took his seat by your feet.

You smiled down at him and gave a subtle thumbs up – he was still beaming at the praise when the organ music began.

This was not the first time you'd seen Natasha in a wedding dress – a prior mission had required her and Steve to pose as a wedding couple in order to fit in – but this was the first time you'd seen her in her wedding dress; one that she'd picked for herself and worn to marry you.

She was beautiful.

You made no moves to hide your reaction, as the wedding photos would later confirm, your gaze stayed fixed on Natasha during the long walk down the aisle, radiating adoration with a wide smile and watery eyes. She thanked Alexei for walking her in, then took her place before you at the altar.

Her eyes were crinkled, and seemingly holding back tears of her own; the expression reminiscent of the one she had the night before, only this time you both had to stand tall and spaced apart, instead of leaning it to do your natural greeting to each other.

The officiant talked through the process and the legalities, but you hardly listened. You knew your lines and you knew where they came, so nothing else mattered to you besides the woman standing opposite you.

"Do you, Y/N, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?" The speech couldn't pass fast enough.

"I do."

The officiant repeated the same for Natasha, who watched you with a twinkle in her eyes before reciting her line: "I do."

"You may now kiss the bride." You kept the kiss short – the whole team was watching after all, and you were far too excited to talk with her and sign the marriage certificates to be engaging in a more intimate display of PDA.

"I guess we ought to join our own party," Natasha said once all the documents were completed. You nodded, took her hand in yours and led her out of the church into a shower of tossed flower petals. Thanking all the guests you caught the eye of, you and Natasha forged onwards until you were finally on your own.

Alone in a small room on the venue's site, finally away from the watchful eyes of your guests, you grinned towards your wife.

"We're married," Natasha whispered lowly, a smile spreading as she wrapped her arms around your waist; you pulled her closer with arms looped around her neck, giving her easy access to rest her head on your shoulder.

"We sure are, my wife."

"Are you tired?"

"Desperately."

She hummed, "me too."

"We just need to make it through the dinner, we'll get you changed into something easier to move in, have a couple dances, then I'm sure Tony will take over as life of the party."

The two of you stayed there for another 10 minutes, both to allow the guests to find their seats and to give yourselves time away from the bustle of it all.

Eventually, you sighed, stood, and held a bent arm out for Natasha to hold. "May I guide you to your seat, my wife?"

"Absolutely, my spouse." You felt the warmth spread to your chest when she laughed; the fact that you could pull such a reaction from Natasha Romanoff was an honour you would never take for granted. Nor would you ever get used to the way she wrapped herself around your outstretched arm, looked up at you, and told you to lead the way.

Cheers greeted the two of you when you made your entrance and took your seats at the mismatched head table: Natasha had her parents on her side, but in the absence of your own, you'd assigned Jeff and Steve to sit on your side. Jeff for being the closest family you had, and Steve just for being old enough to equate to two parents.

Soon, the applause transformed into the chatter of conversations throughout the hall, until a repetitive 'ding' of cutlery against a glass encouraged everyone back to silence. Except Natasha, who groaned when she saw who had rung the glass.

"Greetings everybody! For those who don't know me, I am Alexei Shostakov, the Red Guardian, Russia's-" He stopped suddenly to look down towards Melina, who subtly shook her head. "-But not today," he corrected, "today I am Natasha's father, the father of the bride, and a very proud man. Even if my relation to Natasha was only five years as part of an elaborate Soviet plan to infiltrate an American facility… it was a real family to me, and during our time together in Ohio I taught Natasha everything she knows about successful relationships-"

"Will someone stop him?"

"-so I know this marriage is going to be good, and last a long time like mine and Melina's has-"

"They're not even properly married-"

"To Natasha and Y/N!" Alexei finished with a cheer, much to Natasha's relief; she had sunk deep into her chair while her face lit up red. You squeezed her hand under the table to get her to look at you, then smiled, relaxing her back into the moment and away from her father's horrific speech.

A glass clinked again, but this time towards your side of the table. When you look, you see Jeff standing fully on the table, slapping a wine glass with a spoon balanced between his teeth. You wondered if he knew what he was doing, or if he was just copying Alexei, but that question is answered before you can even ask.

"Mrrrr," Jeff began, shifting his back legs to sit like a dog on the table. "Mrrrrr, mrrrrr, mrrrr!" You laughed, and scattered members of the audience followed your lead. It was enough to encourage Jeff to keep weaving jokes into his speech. "Mrrrrrrr." Jeff pointed at you; you pointed back at him, the knowing grin of an inside joke displayed on your expression.

"Mrrrr, mrrr. Mrrrr." Jeff finished. The speech was one of the longest you had ever seen Jeff give (aside from the nature documentaries he had narrated, but they were pre recorded and stitched together in editing). This was real, raw, live, and unscripted; it moved you to tears.

It was only after seeing Natasha's perplexed look that you remembered nobody else understood Jeff. You rose from your seat and cheered, encouraging everybody else to join in and stoke Jeff's ego. "That was beautiful, Jeff, I couldn't imagine a better speech for my wedding day. Thank you."

"Mrrrr," he acknowledged.

You still stood at the front of the room, with everybody's eyes on you, and you took the chance to make a speech of your own. Meeting Natasha's eyes silently told her your intentions, so she rose to stand by your side.

"Some really, um, great speeches tonight." Alexei smugly nodded his acceptance of your perceived praise, so you briefly flit your gaze to Jeff instead. "I'm sure you're all hungry, but Natasha and I wanted to make one more speech before dinner is served."

The landshark growled beside you, and you quickly pet his head to calm him before continuing with the speech. "We wanted to thank you all for coming, for all the well wishes…"

"-and thank you to the world for not blowing up while the whole team is absent!" Natasha interrupted – having noticed your struggle to find things to say – and received a burst of laughs and cheers.

"The night is still young, the formal bit is all done, so we hope you enjoy the rest of the party!"

Jeff calmed considerably when the pair of you sat back down, especially as plates of food soon followed to be set in front of him. He looked up at you with eyes pleading, and you nodded. "Knock yourself out, Jeff"; a phrase you soon regretted when it looked like he was willing to try it. His head slammed into the plate, forgoing the manners of cutlery, small bites, or even wrapping a napkin around his neck to protect his suit. You did the latter for him, though you feared the damage had already been done.

Jeff's plate was clean within seconds, leading him to look between you and Steve, eyes large and watery to obtain sympathy. "This is my food, Jeff, you're not getting any," you said. Steve hummed his agreement, causing Jeff to huff and climb down from his seat. You didn't pay it much mind until the surprised gasps started – at that, your head jolted up and you saw Jeff circling the tables like…well, like a shark would its meal.

The gasps came from guests startled by the appearance of the land shark under their table, occasionally pawing at their legs in a bid for scraps or leftovers or, most likely – because you knew Jeff – their whole meal. You whistled, attempting to call him back, but he stuck his nose up and continued on his meandering path, surviving off the few scraps he'd scrounged from your guests. He didn't return to your side until the main course was served, at which point he scarfed it down and did it all over again.

It was a relief – for you at least; a disappointment for Jeff – when the tables were finally cleared. You grabbed Jeff to stop him following the plates into the kitchen, then held him in your arms to watch as the band started up and the dance floor formed. You stayed like that for a bit, occasionally posing for pictures with Jeff in your arms and Natasha by your side, until the two of you were called forwards for your first dance. 

Even as you moved away, Jeff’s head rotated with eyes locked onto the as-yet-uncut wedding cake. While you would usually leave him free to wander, his focus filled you with a deep distrust, forcing you to call Yelena over to keep an eye on him. She thankfully agreed, encouraging you to just enjoy the dance. You joined Natasha in the centre of the room, the dance floor empty save for the two of you, with crowds gathered around the edges to watch the event. 

A tremble arose in your fingers as nerves started to kick in, but then Natasha took your hands in hers, pulling them closer to herself. "Eyes on me, agent."

"Yes, ma'am"

"You ready?"

"Mhm."

"Pretend it's just us; we can stop if you need."

You swallowed, then nodded again. Natasha gave a nod to the band and the opening notes of 'Can't Help Falling In Love' began to play. As the music picked up, you focused only on that and the woman leading you, following her footsteps better with every second of the dance that passed. Only when the music faded and the applause started did you remember the nerves you had initially felt; for that moment it had seemed like just you and Natasha dancing alone in your bedroom without a single worry. 

"Well done, my love," Natasha praised when she noticed you regaining awareness of the surroundings, "that's our job done." 

"That wasn't too bad." You grinned. She smiled at your enthusiasm.

"Then we still have a whole night of dancing to come. Just not alone." As if on cue, the singer called the other guests to the dance floor and you were soon surrounded by teammates and family, all joining in on the festivities by dancing the night away.

By the time you and Natasha fell into bed that night, you were exhausted, the events of the day belatedly taking their toll both mentally and physically. You could tell Natasha was much the same as you helped her out of her dress and threw a pair of pyjamas at her. 

"I'd say that went pretty well," you said. 

Her silhouette turned to you in the darkness, the glimmer of moonlight that had made it into the room reflected in her eye. She smiled and nodded her head against the pillow. "I could sleep for days though."

"Missions don't even tire you out this much," you chuckled.

"Missions don't require months of planning and prep."

"...I'm pretty sure they do. What missions are you running?"

"Ones where I get to designate the prep work to lower agents. You'll get there one day, love."

"I should be annoyed but I'm too tired."

"Mmm good, you shouldn't be annoyed at your newlywed wife anyway."

You shuffled, turning your back to her just to feign annoyance, but within seconds you had rotated back to face her. Seeing her eyes struggling to stay open, you bid her goodnight, ending the best day of your life so far.

"Mrrrr!" cried Jeff from his corner bed, startling you both back to full consciousness. You exchanged a look with Natasha, then flopped back onto the pillow with a sigh.

"Goodnight, Jeff" you and your wife replied in sync. The land shark huffed, content that he hadn't been forgotten, and soon drifted off to sleep. 

It couldn't be the best day without Jeff.

Jeff taglist: @unexpected-character​ @wolferine

[farfromstrange]

Lizzi’s Valentine’s Special & Follower Celebration

Dear Everyone,

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and I thought, since this silly little blog hit over 1.1k followers yesterday, I want to give you something special.

First of all, though, I want to thank you. I’ve been on here since (and I checked with the archive) July 19, 2022. I can't believe that it has been almost two years. I started watching Daredevil after watching Spider-Man: No Way Home in December of 2021 and hearing Matt Murdock say, "I'm a really good lawyer," after catching a brick. So, I started watching the show, and that was during a time I was really miserable. Mentally and physically, I wasn't in a good place, but after watching Daredevil for the first time and falling in love with Charlie Cox as a genuine person and an actor, it felt like I found a reason to keep going.

I started writing fanfiction again, which I kind of neglected because I felt like this hobby of mine wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't inspired at all until I watched the show. If I hadn't, I probably would not have gotten back into writing and using it as an outlet for my feelings, and I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Thanks to Charlie's portrayal of Matt Murdock, and watching his interviews, I felt like I could do the things that I love again and follow my dreams. He's the reason I chose to major in English. And while I owe him that much, I owe you guys here on Tumblr and AO3 even more.

When I first posted here, I didn't think people would even be interested in what I had to say and write. But then more and more people started visiting my profile, you guys started following me, and it kept me motivated to keep writing, even when I'm miserable, and I sometimes only post once every blue moon.

I feel so honored that you guys chose to follow a silly little blog run by a silly little 20-something-year-old whose first language isn't even English (but made it her entire personality), and who chose to write about traumatized dark-haired characters portrayed by Charlie Cox. I'm overwhelmed by the love you continue to show me, and every time one of you chooses to reblog or comment on one of my works, saying that it resonated with you, I feel like I'm doing something right. I'm sharing my ideas, my own experiences, my wishes, and even my deepest, darkest dreams through my writing like it's a fucking diary, and you eat it up every single time.

I'm just so glad that this community exists, as chaotic as it sometimes is, and that you chose to stick around, even when I suck at keeping promises sometimes. You keep teaching me new things about who I am, my writing, and how important it is to put myself first. I don't know if you've heard it lately, but you guys are incredible and I appreciate the hell out of every single one of you.

Thanks to Tumblr, I made lifelong friends (especially looking at you, @blackshadowswriter) and found like-minded people that made me feel less alone. That alone was worth making this account and continuing to post on here.

You may think that I'm being dramatic, but for someone who has never really experienced the kind of validation this community gives me, I want to celebrate this milestone. It means more to me than I can even put into words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much! Please, don't ever forget how amazing you are.

That being said, I've got some exciting things planned.

The other day, I found a folder in my Docs titled "the vault". I completely forgot about it because I usually keep my WIPs in a different folder. As it turns out, I made that folder for fics that I originally never planned to post, or ones that I'd finished but wasn't happy with. It’s many, but it’s a few. Some are deeper than others. I also jotted down rough ideas and outlines last year that I stuffed in there, some of which I've actually shared with you but never started working on. Until now. And the contents of that vault are what I want to give to you now.

INTRODUCING: The Vault

6 stories from the vault. 1 bonus fic. 7 days.

I went through a myriad of emotions while I wrote these. For some, I actually bled my soul onto paper. For others, it was merely a brain fart that led to their existence. They're sad, horny, and at times angry, but some of those were originally written for me, and only me. Those that weren't started as a few sentences in a folder before I forgot they existed. Either way, I don't want them to catch dust. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.

Starting February 14th, I will be posting one fic every day until February 20th. My “The Vault” works are Matt Murdock x Reader works, but I've made an exception for the bonus fic. I won't tell you what they are about, but I will give you a list of installments and what kind of fic they are so you know what to be excited about (and maybe which ones are not your cup of tea).

-> The number at the end tells you the date I will be posting it on, but I put it in chronological order as well.

INSTALLMENTS:

1. If You Need To Be Mean (angst, hurt/comfort) 14.

2. Mismatched Bridesmaid (fluff, smut) 15.

3. Weed Cookies (humor, fluff, cw: accidental drug use) 16.

4. the grudge (songfic, angst, hurt/comfort, cw: death of a parent) 17.

5. Halloween (Smut) 18.

6. I Want To Fuck A Priest (Smut, cw: priest!Matt) 19.

BONUS:

7. Now That We Don’t Talk (Part 2 of Is It Over Now?) -> Frank Castle x Reader (smut, angst) 20.

A few more words: You are free to send me an ask if you want to know more, but be prepared that I won't be answering in much detail. I don't want to spoil the fun. I would, however, not mind talking about them as vaguely as possible (if you’re interested).

Thank you all. For everything. And I hope you stick around to read these little gems.

With love from yours truly,

Lizzi <3

[twistedtummies2]

Top 15 Portrayals of Peter Pan

A while back, in 2021 - in celebration of the 110th anniversary of “Peter Pan” - I posted a list of my favorite portrayals of the villain of the story, Captain Hook. Earlier this year, I updated that same list. I said then that, even as a kid, I always liked Hook more than his nemesis, the titular Peter. While this is true, I do think it’s important to state that, as much as I may love the dastardly pirate Pan battles constantly…this does not mean Peter is a bad character. I think that Peter Pan gets a bad rap a lot nowadays, mostly because, if you read the original book…Peter is kind of a little psychopath. He’s sort of a little tyrant, threatening to kill or banish anybody who doesn’t do what he wants, and refusing to listen to reason when people try to help him or keep him under control. And that’s the entire point: Barrie’s story originally didn’t HAVE Hook. The original idea behind what would become “Peter and Wendy” was that Pan was a representation of both everything good AND everything bad about childhood: he is not necessarily EVIL, but he is stuck perpetually in a state of infantile, underdeveloped youth. He’s brash, cocky, and has a LOT of power that I don’t think even he is fully aware of. There’s a lot of mystery surrounding Peter, which actually makes him more fascinating to adults than I think many might realize. Peter’s arc in the story is one of coming to grips with emotions he’s never experienced before, and taking up a kind of responsibility he’s always tried to deny in the past. He’s much more dynamic and more interesting than many people give him credit. I’ve been in a Peter Pan mood lately, so I decided…what the heck? I might as well give a bit of a spotlight to some of my favorite portrayals of the Boy Who Never Grows Up that have come around over the years. (On that note, there has long been a tradition, particularly in stage shows, of women playing Peter, so there will be some ladies included here. Don’t you dare whine about it, they’re absolutely awesome.) Some of these versions stick to the ambiguity of Barrie’s original, while others make Pan either more heroic or more villainous depending on interpretation. There’s a lot of ways you can go with the idea of an eternal child, both idealistic and cynical. So, think Happy Thoughts, everyone, and don’t forget the pixie dust! Here are My Top 15 Favorite Portrayals of Peter Pan!

15. Sandy Duncan, from the Styne-Charlap Musical. (The most famous stage musical version of the story; Duncan first played Peter in a 1979 Revival of the show on Broadway.)

14. Greg Tannahill, from Peter Pan Goes Wrong.

13. Petermon, from Digimon: Ghost Game. (Yeah. Peter Pan as a Digimon. That weirdness speaks for itself.)

12. Mia Farrow, from the 1976 TV Musical.

11. The Version from “Peter and the Starcatchers.” (I’m referring specifically to the books; there is a stage version based on the first book, but I haven’t seen it for various reasons. I love the original books, though. This is probably one of the “nicest” versions of Peter on the list, for lack of a better description.)

10. Robin Williams, from Hook. (Come now, you all knew he had to be here somewhere.)

9. The Version from “Alias, Hook.” (Without going into detail, this really shows how scary a Barrie-accurate Peter can be without much real change.)

8. Charlie Rowe, from SyFy’s Neverland.

7. Betty Bronson, from the 1924 Film.

6. Robbie Kay, from Once Upon a Time. (By far the most evil version of Peter Pan ever made, at least that I've discovered.)

5. Mary Martin, from the Styne-Charlap Musical. (She originated the part on Broadway, starting in 1954.)

4. Cathy Rigby, ALSO from the Styne-Charlap Musical. (She’s been playing the role off and on since the 1970s - no joke, look it up - with her most recent stint being in 2015. She was in her sixties then! Talk about Never Growing Up!)

3. Jason Marsden, from Peter Pan and the Pirates.

2. Jeremy Sumpter, from the 2003 Film.

1. The Disney Version. (Originally played by Bobby Driscoll; this one wins out mostly just because this is the first version I think of when I think of Peter as a character, and because I think the various spin-offs and such have really helped to make him a more likable protagonist over time, while still keeping him true to his established persona.)

[tigrensis]

Major Project: Stanpipe

I started creating my next LARP character, Stanpipe, in late 2021. He has had plenty of time to develop and be refined as my current character seems to be immune to death (I've been playing them for almost six years at this point). Stanpipe began as a thought, ‘I want to play a healer’, and has slowly been refined into the horrible little mushroom man he is today.

The costume, like the character, has gone through multiple iterations. I started by making a generic blanket cape, I hadn’t decided on the decay theme yet and instead, I was working on something simple to keep me warm at night. I embroidered dark blue blanket stitches around the edge and some beads on the edge worn around the neck. I also added some lavender embroidery to the front. I wanted to look non-threatening, I'm not a big fan of combat so I went with a softer look initially.

After a while I started to develop the idea of a mushroom-themed character, at events, I saw a lot of people making characters with mushroom aesthetics. These people were often going down the route of cute fey characters with fly agaric themed clothing. I like these costumes but they don’t appeal to me as something I'd wear. I’m not interested in representations of mushrooms that remove them from their context of decay and rot. I’m much more interested in a darker interpretation of a mushroom character. I have also completely flipped on the idea of looking non-threatening, I want to look scary, I want people to be nervous when I come to heal them, and I want to have fun whilst I'm doing it.

I settled on a core concept of a character who had once been a fey but had taken a nap in a forest one day. A few thousand years later he woke up, to find that he had been partially consumed by mushrooms, he had decayed whilst staying alive. There's a lot more I want to say about decay and how it relates to my identity and experiences. I would much rather give those thoughts a separate place to breathe.

The question of whether Stanpipe is the mushrooms, the original fey, or a mixture of both will never be answered. I want to leave this ambiguous for multiple reasons. The main reason is that there's no sense in having an overly written backstory as it does not impact what happens in the game, it can also be difficult to keep track of. Instead, I have a few key facts for my characters that I use to inform their actions and reactions.

My key facts for Stanpipe are:

He was a fey farmer in ancient history

He took a nap one day

He woke up like this

He knows nothing about anything

To match my costume to my character I ended up altering a straw boater and my already made blanket cloak. I used dried lichens that I had gathered after a storm to alter the hat and make it look taken over by nature. I'm still very happy with the hat and I’m looking forward to wearing it in character.

My blanket cloak I am less happy with my, I started by painting lichens onto the blanket using a mix of acrylic paints. I experimented a lot with texture and colour to varying degrees of success. Some of the lichens are too bright and I need to darken them in the future.

I also used real lichens on the shoulders with mushrooms sculpted out of clay. It looks nice in pictures but I quickly found that the lichens, which were living in this case, were difficult to maintain and would be extremely fragile when worn. This fragility would be made even worse by the fact that the LARP I attend is a boffer system meaning that I’d need to be able to move quickly and take hits. For now, I’ve decided to take off the lichens and mushrooms and will re-use them on other, more stable, projects.

To complete this costume there are still a few things left to do, I need to make shirts and trousers. The trousers are almost complete, they just need a waistband (I think I’ll turn the trousers into a separate post because I like them so much). Normally I would use one of the shirts I already own but because Stanpipe is decay-themed I want to be able to break down the shirts and make them look old and rotted. I wouldn’t want to do that to something that wasn’t built for it. It also means that I can make them look however I want, it can be hard sometimes to find a LARP kit that fits me well so I don’t want to buy something that does and then restrict it to being used by just one character.

I’m also starting on making some vests for the character to wear which I am going to go for it with the breakdown. One will be made of scuba suede which is a thick stretchy synthetic fabric with a pile. The other will be knitted from alpaca wool and will have tufts of felting wool knitted into it as I go, the goal is to create a mossy appearance. I’m going to be experimenting with growing plant life on them to see what sort of damage the root system does. I'm expecting some sort of staining at the least however I am currently sceptical about whether any damage will occur to the scuba suede because of how thick it is.

Here are some work-in-progress images from the trousers and the vests.

[shopwitchvamp]

Ok, so who all wants to see some ancient designs?? Thought this might be fun since there's so many new people around lately, and even the not-so-new people may not know about these! Here's the first 3 skaters I ever made, back when I was still Syppah's Cute Creations mainly doing amigurumi crochet:

Creepy Eyes is a true OG that's been around since about July 2015! It isn't very popular on skaters or joggers since I stopped doing cons, but it's still going strong as midis and maxis. I've also used the pattern on eyeglass cloths, face masks, scrunchies, tights, zipper bags, and more. I don't think I'll ever fully retire it, haha. The other two up there are Rainbow Narwhals and Cute Eyes (original light pink version below, got the hot pink version above as a misprint afterwards).

The next ones I got that no longer exist were Rainbow Candy, Double Rainbow Candy, and Happy Bees:

tiny prehistoric pics because i can only find them in my old old etsy's sales history, haha As you can see, besides Creepy Eyes the vibes were incredibly different. I wanted to make clothing that could go alongside my ˜”*°•.★·.·´¯`·.·★𝓀𝒶𝓌𝒶𝒾𝒾 𝒶𝓂𝒾𝑔𝓊𝓇𝓊𝓂𝒾 𝓅𝓁𝓊𝓈𝒽𝒾𝑒𝓈★·.·´¯`·.·★.•°*”˜ even though my personal style and fashion interests were/are much more goth. That leaked through again with the Guro Guts skirt next.

The first ever Guro Guts skirt was made just in time for Halloween 2015 In 2016, plushies were still my main focus and for a number of health reasons I was essentially dead that whole year. I don't think I added any new skirts at all..

The next big addition to my skirts was in April 2017 with this set:

Demon Summoning and Vampire Night have survived until this day. Good Medicine on the top left was only made in this colorway for a short time before I switched to a purple & pink version that I also kawaii'd up. Vaporwave and Angel Summoning are both pretty much defunct as of 2021.

2017 Blue/Red Good Medicine, 2018(2019?) Purple/Pink Good Medicine. Both are discontinued

In late 2017, I separated out my clothing shop from my crochet shop and started going all-in on a more goth leaning aesthetic. Witch Vamp (originally "Witch Vampire") was truly born. A lot of designs from that time are ones you'll still recognize today

The only other one that's pretty much gone these days is Rainbow Galaxy. I used to have it in skaters and joggers, but it's another one that wasn't as popular online as it was at cons. They're also like A Lot especially for my generally goth-ish shop

Rainbow Galaxy Skater (designed in 2017), Rainbow Galaxy Joggers (2018 or 2019.. unsure, haha) I last ran preorders with Rainbow Galaxy in 2021, but I don't think I got many orders. I've just let them fizzle out since then. But the skirt semi-lives on in the glorious mistake that is the Bomb Pop Skater

Originally I had 3 of these because a few Rainbow Galaxy Skaters got printed without any yellow. But like, what a good mistake! Since then I've ordered them this way on purpose. EDIT: Another discontinued skirt was the Black Widow's Web. Idk even when I made it first. 2018? But it died in 2021.

Next casualties, between 2020-2022 I discontinued a few more joggers due to slow sales:

Astrology Joggers, Creepy Eyes Joggers, Dark Galaxy Joggers (actually the 2nd version. V1 was a bit too.... phallic with the goo drips lmao) So after that, I think the main casualties have been *item types* rather than designs. I've dropped a lot of things (lanyards, zipper bags, wallets, all-over-print tshirts, tights, pvc charm keychains, and soon enamel pins) because they were great for cons, but don't really sell online. Or because they became obsolete (skirts w/out pockets).

It's been a long journey! And if you go all the way back to my crocheting days, I've been at this whole "self-employed" thing since the day I turned 18 in 2008 and was able to open up an Etsy shop (had other jobs too back then tho, like I was a pharmacy tech for 2 1/2 years). Hope you all enjoy seeing these designs from the old days and learning more Witch Vamp lore!!!

[esther-dot]

Hey, what do you think about the musical version of the Tourney of Harrenhal possibly spoiling certain upcoming book plots? It looks like the play might be out before WOW, and I wonder how that might play out? I feel like fans are going to lose their minds when their theories are or are not confirmed.

I’m still so incredulous about it I always have a “WHAT?!” reaction even though I know there's a play in the works. 😂 I first heard of this a couple years ago now (2021 with an expected 2023 debut) and they’ve switched the name from Harrenhal to the Iron Throne which made me wonder if they’re shifting the focus of the story, but then I realized, that’s prolly just a name recognition issue? You need something that says “GoT-related” as soon as you hear it, and they didn’t do enough with pre-canon stuff for the general public to immediately recognize Harrenhal. Although, I don't remember reading it was a musical. Do you have a source for that?

Your thought was my first reaction to hearing the news: THE SPOILERS.

But my second was, fuck me. GoT must have given enough way re: Rhaegar and Lyanna that Martin isn’t afraid to green light this. 😬 Obvy, I don't buy the complete whitewash they gave Rhaegar in GoT, but I def think we're not getting Robert's version of events. This was the official description I saw in 2021:

"The play will for the first time take audiences deeper behind the scenes of a landmark event that previously was shrouded in mystery. Featuring many of the most iconic and well-known characters from the series, the production will boast a story centered around love, vengeance, madness and the dangers of dealing in prophecy, in the process revealing secrets and lies that have only been hinted at until now." (link)

A very reasonable description as yeah, I do think we will be getting Lyanna's (short-lived perhaps) infatuation and decision to run away with Rhaegar. I mean, technically, the secrets and lies could be about Jon's identity? It's hard to know what all they’ll be covering, but the fact that they include the “madness and the dangers of dealing in prophecy” bit should alert people to the fact that they aren’t getting the completely romanticized version of R/L either.

Here was Martin's July update:

Last week we had a great meeting with the producers on THE IRON THRONE, the stage play we’ve been working on the past few years.  The scripts for that one are coming along well, and it’s got me very excited.   (link)

Martin's December update:

And since we are talking theatre… one of the meetings I had in London was with Dominick and Duncan, the director and scriptwriter of our own stage play, the one we have been working on for the past few years. Originally we were calling it HARRENHAL, but we have now settled on THE IRON THRONE as a title… until we think of something better. Regardless, things are coming well, I think, and we are hopeful of being able to open in late 2024. Maybe. But you never know. There’s still a lot of work to be done. (link)

I don't think any camp will be particularly happy because I believe Martin has a more sympathetic view of Rhaegar than someone like me (I’m guessing he views this more as a genuine tragedy rather than my “fuck Rhaegar” stance), but the hardcore Targ fans aren’t gonna be thrilled either.

I’m not sure how seriously people will take it though. As in, GoT happened and most of the fandom rejects parts or all of the ending as coming from Martin, so I’m not sure that anything other than TWOW will shake anyone’s conviction. And for some, that won’t be changing their minds either 😂

[the-final-sif]

Some people are saying Dream's definitely did /something/ wrong and harmful, and I can't think of what's been confirmed (or as much as anything can be confirmed at this point) they could be talking about. I'm really doubtful they're just talking about sharing the private snapchat handle. I'm not trying to say those people are wrong, I just know that I'm not at all emotionally experienced enough to grasp what they're grasping.

Some people appear to believe that Dream ever dming fans back or talking to them is somehow wrong or harmful by default. Or that somehow, there is no context where Dream sharing a private snapchat handle to talk to someone further isn't wrong/harmful.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but it's not one that I share though. Having read through the Instagram conversation several times, I could absolutely see a context where Dream thought that he was talking to an aspiring/small content creator his own age, and wanted to talk to them more. The interaction wasn't particularly fan centric, and we don't have any context/evidence provided for what age Dream thought Amanda was at the time.

It's important to remember that Dream and Amanda's interactions took place on instagram, not twitter or tik tok which have been the profiles that people have been able to look at. We don't know if Amanda's instagram is/was a fan account, or what age she was listing on there at the time. Or if she told him her age in a removed message.

In fact, what little evidence we do have lightly suggests that Dream may've believed Amanda to be older than she was. On Amanda's twitter, in Feb 2021 she talked about her original twitter account being banned because she had apparently been lying about her age "to avoid being bullied". We also know from her instagram messages, that she's been using her instagram account since prior to that point and that her instagram account did not change/get banned. There is a not unreasonable inference to be made that if she was lying about her age on one platform, she may've lied about it on another. Amanda would also have a motivation to not want to correct/post her actual age on her instagram account out of fear of that account being banned as well. If she had provided an inaccurate age to being with. Particularly given Dream's early interactions with her were prior to when she attempted to correct her age on twitter (late 2020), there is a real chance that he checked her profile, saw an inaccurate age, and believed her to be older than she was.

Hell, she might've had her graduation year in her bio ('22), which is a trend that I'm very aware was/is a thing on instagram, and I do not understand it even a little bit. Literally the only thing this trend has done is confuse people as to what age the person they're talking to is. Because if you don't know '22 means "graduating in 2022", or you miss the ' then you will reasonably think the person you're talking to is 22. Particularly if there's nothing to clarify or no actual age listed. I've known people that got mixed up over this, and I think it's a very stupid trend. If this were the case, it's very possible Dream could've thought she was 22, even without Amanda intentionally misrepresenting her age (side note, this is a stupid trend and should stop. If you want/need to have your age in your bio, put a reasonable aproxx in (ie, under 18, 18+, 21+, etc). Don't put in your graduation year. Nobody needs that information, and certainly not strangers on the internet.).

Now, I want to be very clear, we do not know if she was misrepresenting her age on instagram. We don't know if she ever attempted to correct it if she did, or if she ever directly represented her age to Dream. That is all context that is entirely missing from this situation, and it's part of why I'm not casting judgement on it yet. I think some people are taking context we as an outsider have (ie, Amanda's twitter account, her tik tok account, etc) and running under the assumption that Dream had the exact same context we did. When we do not know that. Nothing of what we've seen took place on twitter or tik tok. It was on instagram, where we don't know what context Dream may or may not have had for their interaction.

It is entirely possible that Amanda's instagram account was a clear Dream fan account that openly listed her accurate age, something she told him, and Dream had every reason to know that sending her his private snapchat was a bad idea and inappropriate. It is also entirely possible that Amanda's instagram account looked like the account of an aspiring/small content creator, gave few if any indications of being a stan account and had an inaccurate age represented such that Dream thought he was messaging a content creator his own age; in which case, Dream sending her his private snapchat to talk to her is, in my opinion, a reasonable choice and not inappropriate.

The missing context for this interaction creates wildly different situations that I would have wildly different opinions on. We currently do not know which of these situations is true, and we have little evidence to point to either of them. This is a big part of why I'm not comfortable casting judgement on the situation until I have that information. While, again, everyone is allowed their own opinions, I don't think it's fair to say whether that conversation was inappropriate or harmful without this sort of context.

[skellagirl]

I am, as usual, late lol, but Y'KNOW. This is gonna be a long, rambly post lol, sorry, I have a lot of thoughts.

2023 was a weird year for me, artwise. When it began I was still deep in my Art Block From Hell, which had begun in mid-2021 and lasted the entirety of 2022.

Being in the thick of such a ridiculously suffocating art block, for TWO AND A HALF YEARS, is like... I can't describe how fucking life-draining it is. It felt like something was fundamentally wrong with me -- like a part of me, which used to be as effortless as breathing or blinking my eyes, had ceased to function altogether. It wasn't just a regular art block, it was a complete identity crisis. I could no longer trust the instincts I'd honed over twenty-plus years, could no longer trust my sense of observation or my ability to recreate what I saw. I felt BROKEN, and every single time I picked up my tablet pen it was like I was scraping my insides with a spoon, trying to pick up whatever tiny dregs of dried-up, crusty shit I could manage to puke up onto my canvas. It was fucking painful and humiliating and completely demoralizing.

I'm not really sure what finally got me to do so, but sometime in summer (my memory is shit lol) I downloaded Game Maker, found a video tutorial on youtube, and just... gave myself over to it. I made myself learn how to use Aseprite, and working with pixels, making teeny-tiny little sprites, forced me to work in ways I usually don't. It was a lot harder for me to find the flaws in my art when my art was thirty-five pixels tall and the anatomy was stylized to communicate clear information rather than be a recreation or approximation of reality. I think I really do credit that time working on game dev as the thing that finally cracked loose all the gunk that was keeping me stuck -- I could not perpetuate the cycle of toxicity I'd fallen into because I could barely even conceptualize what 'good' or 'bad' pixel art even looked like lol. I just knew that I was making art, and for the first time in two years, it didn't feel like I was having to desperately beg the emaciated husks of my sense of self-worth and confidence to cooperate while doing so.

(I actually sort of abandoned my foray into game dev around August/September lol, as my adhd-brain, flitting around like a little hummingbird to every dopamine-rich-flower, is wont to do 🥲 But I wanna get back into it at some point!)

From there I had a rush of inspiration for an original project I've been mulling around in my head for years, and I wrote thousands of words in my worldbuilding document, made a map, developed the shell of a possible actual STORY. I returned to sketching. Conventional sketching. It was, at first, largely still comprised of that same demotivating struggle against myself, but I was so deep in the throes of inspiration (after several years of this project laying dormant in my google drive) that I NEEDED to sketch. So I kept going. And after a while, it got....... easier. And I started hating everything I made a little less. I painted, properly, for the first time in years. I stayed up late into the night, even if it meant I would be tired at work the next day, because drawing felt so damn GOOD again and I had missed that feeling so much. All I wanted to do was draw. For the first time in two and a half years, I could finally see the light at the end of the fucking tunnel.

I still don't think I'm quite out of the woods yet. My style is changing, as all artists' styles do over time, and that comes with stumbling adjustments. My confidence is still small and shaky and recovering; I still catch myself second-guessing what I've drawn, and even looking at some of the things here on my grid makes me cringe a little bit for one reason or another.

But compared to both 2021 and 2022, the volume of art, and in particular the volume of art I don't actively despise, is WAY higher, and I'm really really hopeful that that means I'm finding my footing again.

So! Here's to 2024, and to continuing to move towards the light at the end of the tunnel 🙏🌟 I'm gonna try.

[velaraffricate]

This is my first post about my second rework of my conlang ke'eloom! This was the first conlang I made when I was just getting started in learning about linguistics, which explains some of its quirks that I probably wouldn't implement in a language nowadays. Version 1 was created in September 2021, version 2 in January 2022, and I'm currently working on version 3. In this post I want to show the changes its phonology has undergone over the years.

It started off with this:

Pretty simple stuff. Not sure why I omitted /p/, I think I just didn't like the vibe of it at the time, I wanted the language to sound "soft". It had a typical five vowel system, /a e i o u/, and each vowel could be long as well. The glottal stop only occurs in "glottalized" vowels /aʔa eʔe iʔi oʔo uʔu/ which are treated as one syllable in ke'eloom. Again, no idea why I did this, but it's a pretty unique feature I've kept to this day. /j/ only appeared in the sequence /je/, which was treated as one vowel.

I didn't write anything down regarding phonotactics - I most definitely didn't even know what that was at the time. So no notes regarding syllable structure, diphthongs, or clusters, I just did what i felt like at the moment. So I ended up with some pretty weird onset clusters like /bs ml ms mb nd ng/ which would later actually come to influence the language in ways I wouldn't have expected.

Because those last three clusters are basically just prenasalized plosives - something I only properly learned about when I came across Arrernte's phonology, which greatly influenced ke'eloom's second version:

Most consonants can now be labialized and there's also a series of nasalized plosives. I just quickly implemented this shiny new thing I thought was cool, and in hindsight i don't think adding labialization was the right choice for this language. It's a cool phonology in and of itself, but for ke'eloom it feels a bit bloated. It went from having sixteen consonants to forty (not counting the glottal stop) - that's way too many!

Adding the palatal nasal was a good choice though. I'd come to regret not including it in the original version, but felt that at that point it was too late to add it. I also added /h/ and /kx/, no particular reason for those, and including /ŋ/ just made sense.

When it came to the vowels, I introduced /ɛ/ and /ə/, although I grew to dislike that it contrasted /e/ and /ɛ/, so this too changed in the next (and hopefully final) version:

This is where it stand today. I got rid of all the labial consonants, but kept the prenasalized plosives. I got rid of /p/, just like in the original version, then added more voiced fricatives and removed /kx/ all in service of making it sound more soft, like my initial plan was. And we're back to a five vowel system plus schwa. The semivowels /w j/ only occur in diphthongs in syllables with zero onset. I have other proper phonotactic stuff written down now too, but that's not too relevant for this post.

Hope you enjoyed going on this little journey with me! I'll be showing off more of ke'eloom soon.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

https://www.tumblr.com/beautifulpersonpeach/732115125629321216/i-find-some-your-reactions-towards-tae-pretty?source=share

The one I couldn't quite stomach was borderline implying date rape - that Tae would get women drunk to have sex with them. That's crossing a line to imply such depravity.

Not only is he probably in a committed relationship with a girl since late 2021 if people believe the Taennie rumour all the way through, he can't really drink a lot and was literally peer-pressured into drinking by other men on the team such as Yoongi, Jimin, JK and possibly Jin. I can respect you BPP for how amazing your grasp of the industry is, but when it comes to members it seems very coloured and biased by discourse in various bubbles rather than actual content.

***

Your link.

Lol! Now we're getting somewhere. I know I probably shouldn't dismiss what you're saying given how aggrieved you appear to be and how serious this charge is, but now that I see the basis of your recent asks... you're not giving me much of a choice here lmao.

I kinda thought you were talking about my reaction to Tae's recent habit of Black cosplay, and was prepared to tell you exactly what I think about your taking issue with it. But the reality is far more silly. Thank goodness.

So, what got you ticked off, (or led to your current conclusion of how I feel about Tae) was this post.

*

After publishing it I got a bunch of asks from people I assumed to be akgaes of various members (only Jin akgaes didn't respond), and I deleted them all almost instantly because I thought they were silly. Thinking about it now, and looking at your writing style, it's possible your ask was among them. And the only reason I'm taking your ask seriously this time, is because you've leveled a pretty serious charge, and so I realize I'm probably not giving you enough benefit of doubt.

I understand tone is generally difficult to convey through text, but if you could not tell that entire thing was a massive shitpost, and that nothing untoward was even actually implied for any member... then you have me wondering about more than just your sense of humour.

Speaking more generally, I've talked about this before but I've noticed the cultural zeitgeist now is this weird combination of a puritanical black/white attitude to topics around sex but in a culture that claims to be more sex-positive and self-aware than any generation that came before them. Like people generally okay with the idea of women engaging in casual sex or one night stands after a party, but eliminating the agency of the woman in initiating, consenting to, and participating in it to claim she's advocating for being date raped...

...as you've managed to do in this ask.

Because, again, the premise of the original ask was, and I quote: "...the one who would make YOU feel the best in bed?"

But maybe I'm not giving you much benefit of doubt.

Maybe you've experienced some sexual trauma in the past and so you're sensitive to any mention of casual sex + alcohol/drugs

Maybe you're religious and so the whole idea is abhorrent to you on a moral fundamental level

Maybe you've seen this characterization of Taehyung made before in more unkind spaces and felt I was feeding into that

And this is aside from the general posture in online spaces these days, where the default is to presume the worst possible interpretations and so people constantly couch their words in qualifying phrases to prevent someone else taking it the wrong way.

...all that aside, allow me to spell it out for you that:

This was a shitpost. It's not meant to be true to life for any member.

There's nothing actually wrong with a person (a woman in this case) comfortable with a man being attentive to them at a party and keeping their drinks (or legal drug of choice) flowing so long as they consent to it.

There's nothing wrong with a man (or person) propositioning another person for sex at a party. Obviously.

I understand there's some debate about this in some circles, but I believe it's possible for a person to consent to sex while drinking. If someone is so drunk they can't walk straight, speak or think relatively clearly, then obviously they cannot consent, and nowhere was this actually implied in my post.

I almost can't believe I'm saying all this lol, but I also get that such is the nature of the internet where you're exposed to all sorts of people, each with their own belief systems, and while I assumed most of my readers are adults, it's possible you might not be.

So Anon, if this was the basis for your sniff test on whether or not I hate Tae, you can rest assured that's not the case. Neither is it for the other members I painted in other colourful ways in that post.

[wartakes]

What Comes Next? (OLD ESSAY)

This essay was originally posted on January 21st, 2021.

This is the essay that actually responds to January 6th (as the one that was posted on January 6th was actually before everything happened and had nothing to do with it, lol). (Full essay below the cut).

So, I guess it’s finally time to talk about the last couple weeks.

On the morning of January 6th I had just posted an essay I’d rant-written over an hour or two the night prior about an op-ed on Military.com calling for war criminal Robert Bales to be pardoned by now former-President Donald Trump (thankfully, Bales does not appear to have been included in Trump’s last minute Pardonpalooza – sucks to suck Bobby Boy). I figured that would be the thing I’d be the angriest or distressed about that day, or even that week.

Yeah, so, we know what happened in the second half of the day.

I’ll be honest, I intended to write something about all this sooner. God knows that I’m a little late to the game on all this. A lot of my favorite analysts, podcasters, and other content creators have all already done their bits on the January 6th insurrection/riot/whatever by now. But I decided to sit tight before I put my thoughts down on “paper” as it were for a couple reasons.

The first reason was equal parts paranoia and selfishness. I held my fire because with the threats and increasingly tense situation surrounding the inauguration, I wanted to wait until after Biden was sworn in before I wrote anything because – much like my Bales essay being overcome by events – I was afraid I’d write something only to have an actual coup de tat kick off five minutes after posting it (Note: as of writing this, Biden has successfully been sworn in and is in the White House probably saying “listen Jack” to his staff repeatedly).

The second reason was, I honestly didn’t know what to write and didn’t know exactly how I felt about everything and I still am struggling. Since January 6th, I’ve felt just about every emotion I think is possible at least once a day – often more than once. I’ve mellowed out a lot since then and feel a lot better today, but I’ll be real with you all, I was kind of a wreck for a bit with everything going on (if you’re worried, I’m ok, and thank you).

This essay is going to be a bit disjointed compared to some of my other works, but this is just something I wanted to get off my chest and out of my head to help myself make sense of things, and maybe it’ll help other folks in that way too. I’ll try and follow it up with something approaching intelligent analysis on how we should think about this and deal with it going forward. Hopefully in the next few weeks I can get back to my usual fare. For now, let’s do this.

How Do I Feel?

I’ve spent most of my adult life learning and training to be a national security professional and then (finally) starting to work in the field. I’ve typically been what you’d call a generalist. I’ve dipped my toe in a bit of everything, but I’ve largely focused on conflict between states in all its various forms throughout my academic and professional career.

With that in mind, another reason I was slow to write about this was that I’m not the best person to. While I’ve always been aware of and concerned about the dangers of the far-right and white nationalism and all the other toxic elements in American politics, it wasn’t until the last four years – and the final stages of my radicalization as a leftist in the last year in particular – that I truly began to appreciate the gravity of the threat. I’ve never focused on any of this in my studies or work. I’ve never been an expert on far-right paramilitary violence and domestic terrorism and all of that. I’ve never even been an expert on terrorism and political violence in general. I watched what happened on the 6th unfold in real time over livestream, talking with my close friends and family as it occurred – which in a way, made it even harder and take even more time to process it. I’ve seen plenty of events unfold like that in other countries before, but it was just that: foreign. Something that happens over there, not back here.

In a way, I had a massive cognitive dissonance about the event as it was happening. On one hand, it was entirely shocking and surprising that this could happen in the United States of America of all places, in the 21st century. And yet, at the same time, I couldn’t help but think “well of course something like this finally happened, how could it not have?” We’ve been building up to something like this for years now. It didn’t help that while I now view the government and many institutions with a much more critical eye given my change in politics, I can’t deny the monuments and symbology still hold some kind of value to me emotionally, and seeing far-right Trump supporters bashing their way inside and running amok fucked me up some (this in addition to some personal connections I have to the Capitol that made it all hit a little close to home, but I don’t really want to get into that here).

So, where am I going with this? That’s a good question. I guess my point here is, amidst the mix of emotions I felt over the past week or two, the overriding one was fear. I was scared. And I’m here to tell you that if you were scared as well, that’s ok. That’s valid, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Was what happened at the Capitol as bad as it could have been? No. I’ve heard a lot of 9/11 comparisons and while I agree some are ham fisted, and while January 6th was nowhere near as deadly as 9/11, it still left me with the same sense of fear and uncertainty that event did when I was a kid. It was still a traumatic event in a lot of ways, and if you feel scared by it, don’t let anyone make you feel like shit for feeling what you feel.

I’ve seen a lot of people cracking jokes about what happened on twitter and elsewhere. That’s fine. Honestly, one reason it’s been hard to make sense of everything after the 6th has been the fact that while the insurrection was serious, it was also in many ways, laughable in its events. I mean, c’mon. You have the Q Shaman dressed up in a fur faux-Viking outfit. How can you not joke about this shit in some shape or form? It’s impossible not to.

I’ve absolutely made a lot of gallows humor among friends myself to deal with what happened. As Hawkeye Pierce once said on M*A*S*H, sometimes joking is the only way you can open your mouth without screaming. When this becomes unhelpful or hurtful is when the joking becomes less about working through something you’re feeling and more about trivializing it and dismissing it as something that is not worth your concern and attention. That is not fine, and it pisses me off in a major way. Not only does it feel like punching down, but it also feels like it misses the implications of what happened for us as leftists and the country as a whole.

Again, was this as bad is it could have been? No. Was it the worst thing ever to happen to or in America? Not by a long shot. But it is extremely concerning and should be a warning to us for what might come next. Even if the riots themselves didn’t amount to much, and in many places were laughable, it was also extremely fortunate they were not worse – as there are now plenty of indications that they could have been much, much worse.

While there are a lot of people on the left that have been keenly aware of the threat of right-wing violence for years now, this may be a wakeup call for many who either weren’t as aware or didn’t think it was as serious or extensive as it’s turned out to be. While we all may have been affected in different ways and to different degrees but the last few weeks, what we need to agree on is that far-right violence and extremism is a problem that is only going to get worse before it gets better, even now that Trump has left the White House. Trump was only the beginning. We need to brace ourselves because what has become clear is that the last few years if we want to stop things much worse than what happened on January 6th from occurring in the future.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Ok, so I just disgorged about a thousand words or more in change at you about my own jumble of personal feelings about all this. I feel like I owe you something a bit more thought out on what we should be trying to do from here on in to deal with the oncoming wave of chuddery.

First off, there are two important ideas that need to be understood in tandem – to some folks these may be obvious but I’m going to state them anyway to drive the point home: 1.) this is not a problem that cropped up overnight; and 2.) this is not a problem that will be taken care of in four years or eight years or even more than that. The current form of far-right extremism that we face is not one that suddenly cropped up after Trump became President. It has its roots going back more than thirty years. The problems of white supremacy in particular are entwined with the very founding of the nation. These are problems that are going to need to be dealt with over the course of a generation – more likely, multiple generations. It is going to require us to fundamentally change as a society, which I do not believe is impossible, but I do think it will be a long and hard effort with many twists and turns and missteps along the way.

Another key takeaway that I don’t think that a lot of people on the left are going to need convincing on is that this is not a problem that can or should be solved solely through arrests and imprisonment and violent crackdown from the state. I’ll say right now that some new Patriot Act II: The Patrioting, is 100% not the answer. As a national security professional, I can tell you right now that if the government can’t stop what happened on the 6th or any of the other incidences of far-right violence in recent years with the massive toolbox of domestic surveillance and counter-terrorism infrastructure it already has – and arguably shouldn’t have in the first place, there’s no way some new domestic version of the Patriot Act is going to do it (and it’ll just get turned against leftists and minorities anyway, let’s be real). Giving more money to cops certainly isn’t going to solve shit – especially when a number of them are part of these movements, as well as more than a few troops in the military).

That being said, another thing that the left may need more convincing on is that some of these people will never be convinced to give up what they believe. That is not to say that all of them are lost causes. I don’t believe that every person who voted for Trump is a QAnon adherent or a fascist in waiting, and they can’t be forgotten and need to be brought along for the ride in building a better world – after all, I became a socialist because I want life to be better for everyone, not just everyone I like who believes in my ideology. Likewise, I don’t believe that every person that gets caught up in far-right extremist movements is necessarily a lost cause. Some of them may be able to be helped through some kind of de-programming and de-radicalization effort (there’s a lot of discourse on how appropriate the cult comparison is QAnon, but I think this is an apt one), but we need to accept that some people are never going to surrender their beliefs and will always consider people like us as an existential threat.

Where am I going with this? Well, here’s that part that may not go over as well. I definitely fear state overreach and abuse of power in light of what happened on the sixth – which I hope was already demonstrated by my apprehension about any kind of new domestic terror law. But even with all of that in mind, some of these people are going to have to be arrested and go to prison.

Let me be clear: the criminal justice system and law enforcement in this country are fundamentally flawed. I think they need to be completely rebuilt – not reformed but torn down and rebuilt from scratch. Not only that, but they also need to be rebuilt as part of a system that prioritizes social services that prevent crime and violence from occurring long before it ever gets to the point of involving law enforcement or any form of detention or corrections – and that those need to be done in as humane a way as possible. But I still think they need to exist. Why? The same reason I think a military will still need to exist. Because no matter what, somehow, some way, there will always be someone who wishes to do harm for one reason or another. We can try and help as many people who have been drawn in by far-right movements as we can, but we need to come to terms before we get deeper into the struggle that we cannot help them all.

What that point gets across is that dealing with this problem in the years to come isn’t just going to be accomplished by doing all the good things we’ve always wanted to do. It is going to require us doing things that some leftists may be fundamentally uncomfortable with. Things that involve the use of force and wielding of power by the state. I wasn’t happy at all about the fact we deployed more troops in Washington D.C. than we have in both Iraq and Afghanistan combined in order to guarantee what normally should be a peaceful transfer of power. But as much as that made me uncomfortable and scared and angry, I can’t say that it wasn’t entirely necessary.

I am not saying we need to discard our own principles to deal with extremism. In fact, I would argue against that strongly and forcefully. If we acted in a way contrary to every concept of social justice and human rights and democracy that we claim to uphold, then we’d be no better than those who passed the Patriot Act, let alone any authoritarian police state that has existed past, present, or future – be it fascist or socialist. But there are things that we are going to need to address and come to terms with as a movement. I don’t begin to claim to have the answers, but I do know there are tough conversations that will need to be had. I believe in a better world, but not in a utopian one. We need to come to terms with that going forward.

Keep On Keeping On

I’ve been a little all over the map since the 6th, but as my mind has cleared some, if nothing else I’ve emerged with a renewed sense of purpose in the aftermath of what happened that day. It has reaffirmed the beliefs I started to be honest with myself about almost a year ago when the mask finally began to come off to me. It has made me more certain about what side I am on and the kind of future that I want to live in.

While I still believe things can and will get better, I also unfortunately believe they will likely get worse before they do. As Joe Biden is inaugurated, there are already signs that the disillusioned once-QAnon faithful who for so long “trusted the plan” only to be let down and questioning everything they believe, are being targeted by more violent and accelerationist far-right groups for recruitment. There are also plenty of people who will likely maintain their loyalty to the QAnon theory in some shape or form and that movement is in the process of an uncertain transformation. And while many Republican have tried to disconnect themselves from far-right elements, there are still more than a few who not only remain tied to them but court them as a power base. This is a problem that is going to stick around in multiple forms for a long time, whether it be QAnon, a Q offshoot, your basic white nationalism, outright fascism, and etc.

This all should give us a renewed sense of urgency, as well as purpose. If we didn’t believe it before, we have to believe now we are engaged in a political struggle for the future – our right to exist in a more just, safe, peaceful, democratic world. January 6th and the reactions and aftermath of it should drive home to you that the stakes are very much real. That we need to work even harder to organize and mobilize the people of this country to enact change for the better.

Moreover, as things will likely get worse before they get better, we need to be prepared for that. While we should never seek out violence, we need to be prepared if violence seeks us out – as it has been apt to do so far. Much has been said about the police response to the insurrection on the 6th. The bungled response appears to have not been due to any one factor, but that none of them bode well in sum. Police collusion and sympathy, a lack of taking the threat seriously, and a lack of the necessary skills or competence when it actually wants to deal with the far-right threat means that we cannot depend on law enforcement to protect us as it is currently structured.

Again – and I cannot stress this enough – this does not mean we should seek out violence. If anyone has fantasies about a Second Civil War, take it from someone who has spent their entire adult life watching still-ongoing civil wars in Syria, Libya, Yemen, and other places: you don’t fucking want that. Period. Full stop. But if anything has been made clear by the rise in right wing terrorism in the last decade, is a reality that we need to watch out for ourselves as we try to move forward. Simply put we can’t make a better world if we don’t live to see it through.

Its ok to be scared. Let yourself be scared for a bit if you feel the need. My Mom always has said you have to let yourself be sad or upset for a while before you can be not upset. But don’t despair. Don’t give in to hopelessness. Nothing is set in stone. Time is not a flat circle, despite what many might tell you. We can make a better world, but we need to be clear headed about the challenges we are going to face going forward in doing that, and we need to be ready for them. So, suit up for the long-haul kiddos. I’ll be here with you, contributing in my own way, going on about war and foreign policy and my usual hobby horses. I don’t plan on going anywhere and neither should you. If we have that resolve, that in itself is a starting victory.

[cosmonaughtt]

I think, part of the reason I’m quite ecstatic about the Hermitcraft & Empires crossover (The Great Crossover Event) is that... 

It was planned and followed through.

Also this ramble got long so there is a readmore LOL (￣ ‘i ￣;)

And this little ramble here isn’t a slight against any creator at all, but I first got re-involved with MCYT content with the DreamSMP. I think that using Minecraft as a medium for storytelling is super unique and underrated; there’s a bit of a juvenile energy to it as it’s a kids game, but also as a game with infinite possibilities and worlds it really has no bounds.

What DSMP did in 2020-2021 was amazing. I think that they had such great potential with storytelling and used it without even realizing what they were doing, especially in the early days. One of the reasons I fell out of it (as I’m sure everyone has) is that, for the most part, they aren’t really that organized as they maybe used to be.

And I get it. Life happens, and you lose inspiration for stories, and with COVID-19 NOT ENDING BUT EVERYONE THINKING IT IS OVER ENOUGH TO MOVE ONTO OTHER VENTURES, I’ve been there before. Well, maybe not the last part. I still wear mask everywhere I go. 

I can’t help but say that the disappointment of ccs losing interest in the DSMP storyline doesn’t hurt in a way. Call me parasocial for it all you want; but if your favorite book series or movie trilogy never had that final movie come out, or your favorite TV show never had that last season to tie up all the loose ends, you’d be dissapointed too, right? Again, this isn’t a slight against the individual ccs, just at circumstances around it.

But in come Hermitcraft and Empires; Hermitcraft was a series on my radar for years but I’ve always been intimidated by the long episode counts (except for season 8 now lmao) to ever get invested into it, but when Empires S1 came out i was hooked. People using Minecraft to tell stories! And it’s good!!!! 

There’s a sort of similar energy from early Empires episodes to early DSMP lore; none of it feels completely planned out. I can’t speak for creators of course, but it feels like both SMPs didn’t intend to get as story-based or lore-heavy as they ended up getting, but they got, eh, lost in ze sauce, as one of my friends would say. They embraced it, and it just so happened that Empires, because it was strictly MINECRAFT creators and not a mix of different types of streamers who also play Minecraft, it was able to keep that storyline to the end. And with Hermitcraft, while some people joke it’s got lore-phobic people on the server who just wanna play minecraft, after the ending of Season 8? Yeah, right, buddy.

When there started to be little pieces & foreshadowing in episodes, I got really excited, but kept my expectations low. Maybe as a response to DSMP CCs, maybe as a I get too overexcited over little things and I don’t wanna over-hype myself, if it doesn’t happen I’ll just make fanfic for it lmao type of thought. 

But they didn’t!

They actually went through with it! It’ll be a little mini-arc! They’d been planning it for more than four months, according to fWhip’s video. It’s one of the biggest crossover events in Minecraft history, and it is so cool to see these (grown-ass adults /affectionate) MCYT creators invest so heavily into storylines and “roleplay”. I think for a lot of popular storytellers, like directors or writers of different shows/movies/novels/etc, have become dissatisfied with how late capitalistic society has made “storytelling” synonymous with the dreaded word “content”; its so rare to find a unique work out there nowadays that isn’t just a remake of something else or relies on “meta” storytelling to be funny and original that it just oversells itself and becomes dull in the process (ahem Velma ahem). 

But as silly as it is, these MCYTs are putting their all into roleplaying as lil’ block people in a fantasy world. Even less roleplay-heavy creators are finding their places in the storytelling, and idk I can’t help but be appreciative and awed at the fact that they planned something and it actually went through for once.

[my-chemical-wheaties]

Albums That I Listened to in January 2024

Last month, I made the first of what I plan to be a series of twelve posts where I share what albums I listened to in the month before then and what I thought about them.

Here are the twelve albums that I listened to this month:

Titanic Rising - Weyes Blood (2019)

When We Were That What Wept for the Sea - Colin Stetson (2023)

3D Country - Geese (2023)

Middle Cyclone - Neko Case (2009)

In Colour - Jamie xx (2015)

Atlanta Millionaires Club - Faye Webster (2019)

Color Me Country - Linda Martell (1970)

Madison - Sloppy Jane (2021)

Marquee Moon - Television (1977)

Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins (1990)

Fantasies - Metric (2009)

In My Own Time - Karen Dalton (1971)

Here's how I'd rank these albums:

Madison - I decided to give this album a listen purely out of curiosity because of how fascinated I was by the story behind how it got made. For those of you who are unaware, songwriter Haley Dahl and her band Sloppy Jane recorded this album in the Lost World Caverns in West Virginia over the course of two weeks, and for an album that was recorded in a literal cave, it's excellent. The orchestral, art pop compositions are absolutely beautiful, and Haley is a great lyricist whose ability to convey certain emotions and experiences with such visceral imagery and usage of symbolism throughout multiple tracks is something I admire and respect. Going into this album knowing that it was recorded in a cave adds to the atmosphere of the album, too. While listening, I couldn't help but imagine Haley and company playing these songs in a dark cavern in the middle of the night. I could go on about this album and how much I love it for pages, but I these posts are already kind of long as it stands, and I don't want it to be any longer. Definitely give it a listen, especially if you're as big of a Kate Bush fan as I am, because this has her influence all over it. 10/10

2. Middle Cyclone - Ever since I discovered her music last year before I started this personal challenge, Neko Case has quickly become one of my favorite artists and this album only further demonstrates to me why I've come to love her work so much. The way she blends together indie rock and country scratches an itch for me; and much like in her album preceding this one, Fox Confessor Brings the Flood, Middle Cyclone demonstrates Neko's incredible lyricism, particularly her ability to convey emotional rawness and human vulnerability in such a straightforward, yet eloquently profound way. Given that this is also what I would consider Neko Case's most accessible album, I would highly recommend anyone who hasn't already listened to her work to check this album out - especially if you're a fan of artists like Julien Baker, Lucy Dacus, or Adrienne Lenker who I think all owe a part of their sound and success to her. 8/10

3. In My Own Time - Karen Dalton is, in my opinion, one of the most underrated artists of the 60s and 70s and deserves more recognition than what she gets. Only the second album she ever released in her lifetime, there's something especially pleasant about her different covers of these songs (Yes, this is a covers album - Karen didn't really write or record original material). It makes me feel like I am sitting in a living room in a house on the countryside watching the snow fall in the winter or the leave rustling in the breeze in the summer. Not to mention that Karen has a beautiful alto voice. I actually like some of these covers better than their original versions. If you're looking for late sixties/early seventies folk music to listen to, I would recommend checking this album out. 9/10

4. Fantasies - Metric is a band that has been on my radar for a while now, but for some reason, I haven't gone out of my way to listen to any of their albums in full until now. All of the tracks go pretty hard, and I really like Emily Haines' voice. My favorite band Paramore cited Metric as an influence for their most recent album This Is Why, and I can definitely see where they were inspired. If any of you like Paramore or Yeah Yeah Yeahs, I would definitely give this album a listen. 7/10

5. Titanic Rising - This album sounds like walking through an antique store that is faintly playing old obscure 80s music on its loudspeakers as you gaze over the various items decorating each "room" in the store, the scent of vintage goods and old wood wafting through the air. Weyes Blood's voice reminds me of a cross between Eurhythmics' Annie Lennox and Enya, and the instrumentation and production on this album are stunningly beautiful. I was worried going into this album that I wouldn't be able to get into it because the tracks are all on the slower side in terms of tempo, but I actually found myself liking this one a lot. 9/10

6. Color Me Country - Linda Martell is an important figure in country music history who, despite her significance and the barriers she helped break down for black artists in the genre, has been oft forgotten. The first black artist in history to perform at the Grand Ole Opry, she only ever released one studio album - Color Me Country, in 1970. The album consists of pretty standard country music that was common at the time, with lyrical subject matter typical of the genre - but just because an album isn't sonically pushing the envelope, doesn't mean that it can't be good. I don't know what it was, but something lit up in me listening to this album and I really enjoyed what I heard. It makes me wonder what else she would have done had she continued her music career and released more material. Either way, this is a wonderful album from an incredible woman who deserves a lot more attention to her work. 7/10

7. 3D Country - This album sounds like a fusion between The Rolling Stones and Queen and I'm kind of living for it. It's genuinely good, fun, classic-styled rock music that doesn't take itself too seriously and has some really unique qualities to it. St. Elmo has been stuck in my head ever since I first heard it, and little embellishments like the harp on the title track really give this album its own personality. If you're somebody who primarily listens to older music who wants to try something newer or are just looking for more rock bands to get into, I recommend giving this album a try. 8/10

8. Atlanta Millionaires Club - Did you know that Faye Webster and I are the same age? I'm so used to artists either being older or younger than me that seeing someone around my age making music is both surprising and refreshing to me at the same time. This might be part of the reason why I clicked with this album a bit better than some of the other ones that I listened to this last month - Faye and I are in kind of the same place in life and due to us being the same age, and we probably share a similar perspective and experiences. It also helps that Faye is an adroit lyricist, and the chill indie rock instrumentation suits her voice well. The only issue that I have with this album is that the track Flowers near the end sounds jarring given how different it is from the rest of the album. 8/10

9. When We Were That What Wept for the Sea - This album gaslit me into thinking I have synesthesia. No really, I'm serious - I listened to this album while driving at night and I remember during the beginning of either Infliction or Passage I started smelling freshly brewed coffee. I didn't have any coffee in the car with me and I was not in an area where there would be any coffee brewing nearby. It was wild. And then after that it started smelling like the produce section of a grocery store in the beginning of the second half of the album. Anyways, this experimental ambient album by saxophonist Colin Stetson was really interesting to listen to and there are a lot of cool details scattered throughout each song. It wasn't what I was expecting at all, but it was a pleasant surprise. It would probably pair well with the flute album Andre 3000 put out last year. 8/10

10. Marquee Moon - This is a classic album that I see getting a ton of praise, so I figured I would give it a listen. It's a pretty good album, although the tracks sound a little bit samey at times. The two songs that stand out to me are Venus and the title track. 7/10

11. In Colour - The only solo album (As of right now) from The xx member Jamie xx makes for a fairly pleasant listening experience. Jamie seems to be veering slightly away from the indie rock elements of The xx's work and more into electronic and pop, incorporating some hip-hop influences along the way. The featured appearances all fit in nicely, and the album overall sounds like the chill cousin of Daft Punk's Homework. 8/10

12. Heaven or Las Vegas - Please don't take me ranking this album last as some indication that I don't like it. I actually enjoyed it - albeit think that it's overrated. The number of people that I have seen praising this album and talking about how great it is made me think that it was going to be some amazing, mind-altering experience to listen to, but it was really a series of (Super short) shoegaze-y pop tracks that are just good. I don't really get why people hype up Cocteau Twins so much. You would think that they invented sliced bread with the way some people talk about them. 7/10

So far, I've really been enjoying most of the albums that I listen to. I have a few albums in mind that I plan to listen to in full in February, but again, if anyone wants to recommend me anything, you are always welcome to leave a comment. :)

[lukeevangelista]

I posted 4,497 times in 2022

That's 4,477 more posts than 2021!

2,892 posts created (64%)

1,605 posts reblogged (36%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bitchinbarzal

@mack-samo

@bbrissonn

@ethancale

I tagged 1,825 of my posts in 2022

#soft thoughts w/ari - 943 posts

#thotty thursday w/ ari - 436 posts

#thotty thoughts w/ ari - 415 posts

#nick blankenburg - 280 posts

#brendan brisson - 164 posts

#thomas bordeleau - 157 posts

#matthew knies - 151 posts

#matt boldy - 114 posts

#luke hughes - 103 posts

#ari’s soft night - 76 posts

Longest Tag: 113 characters

#but when you start going omg i want xyz to [redacted] and [redacted] me that's where we're going to have problems

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

lie to me - brendan brisson

prompt 044: how many times are you going to look me in the eyes and lie to me?

requested by: @bitchinbarzal

OKAY i might have plans for this one to be a bet. like i couldn’t run with it with this prompt. thanks bestie for requesting <3

DON’T forget my requests are open until 3/31! here is the link for prompts and the original post!

also maybe part 2? i left it open so there could be one if wanted!

—————

“come over after class?” brendan gave you that soft smile that absolutely warmed your heart.

you gave him a nod, watching him walk back to his hockey friends as they looked you up and down.

huh. weird. that was new as you had always gotten along with the boys really well, at least you though. you shrugged, letting the feeling roll off your back as you continued walking to your next class, feeling eyes on your back as you walked away.

you covered your eyes, the sun blinding you as you walked down the sidewalk, looking towards the cars that were in the driveway of the home that brendan was living in during his sophomore year. you made your way up the stairs, sliding your wet shoes off before entering the house.

“it’s s-so cold out there.” you said as your lips chattered.

brendan jumped off the couch, him wrapping his arms around you, rubbing his hands up and down your arms trying to warm you up.

“well babe, it probably doesn’t help your clothes are damp.” he gave you a lopsided smile as he lightly pushed you towards the stairs, “go grab some clothes from my room.” he said. you quickly nodded at him, taking off up the stairs as he sat back on the couch.

“so..” truss began, raising his brows at bren, “i thought you were cutting it off after three months?” he asked, “at least that was what the bet was for.”

“shut up truss, she might hear you.” brendan hissed, “but that’s besides the point, i actually think i love her.” he whispered.

what brendan didn’t know, is you had heard what truss had said, but not what brendan had said, well at least the second part.

your mouth had dropped as you waited around the corner of the stairs, waiting for something else to be said.

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226 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

#4

happily - ethan edwards

this was requested by @ethanedwardsgf

please don’t forget my requests are open!!

it’s not how you’d normally do a song imagine, but i did it my way.

check out my other work here!!

based on happily by one direction

lets just start with a flashback to a couple of months ago, right when freshman year was starting. you and ethan had always been closer, compared to the other freshies, but for some reason, he was pulling away and you were taking notice of it.

“have you noticed a change in ethan lately?” you asked mark as you took a bite of the sandwich you had brought from home.

“not towards me, but maybe you.” he grunted back, taking a swing of his water.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“ask mason.”

mason. mason harris. the boy you had started dating a couple of weeks before everything blew up. the boy from your pre-calculus class that you had been drawn to.

“what does he have to do with eddy?” you asked, not getting the bigger picture.

mark raised his brows at you, “have you really not seen how ethan looks at you? especially when he’s around mason? anytime mason holds your hand or just touches you, he looks like he’s going throw up.”

“i guess i never noticed.” you slightly shrugged, looking back.

“you don’t realize what you do to him, y/n.” he started, “you don’t realize you two were meant to be. but one day you’ll see it.” he said standing up, “i gotta go, i gotta get to class. see you later y/n/n.” mark gave you a soft pat on the shoulder leaving you with your thoughts.

———-

this lead you to now, at a party with your current boyfriend and the boys. blanks had thrown a party for the championship they had just won.

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227 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

#3

baby kuemper - cale makar

my fav rosy cheeked boy, i just had to write something for him. and how else would i do it? by making the reader my fav goalies little sibling.

pairing: kuemper!reader x cale makar

no warning! just fluff and the boys teasing cale & reader

——————————————————————————-

“i’m so excited you’re here.” darcy grinned at you as he wrapped you in his arms as he picked you up from the airport.

“me too darc. me too. i missed you so much.” you smiled back at him as you grabbed the handle on your suitcase once again.

“i have so much planned for us, other than on game days, obviously.” he trailed off as the two of you walked to his car. he loaded your stuff in the trunk before walking to the driver door and getting in. the two of you made small talk before you finally arrived at his and his wife’s home, seeing a couple of cars in the driveway.

he unloaded your stuff, him grabbing the handle of the suitcase and tugging it behind him, “oh yeah, i hope you don’t mind, but a couple of the guys were over before i left to grab you. i just told them to stay put.” he mentioned as he unlocked the door.

“darc, it’s your house.” you laughed, “i don’t care who is over.”

he opened the front door and that’s when you heard all the chaos.

“what the fuck ej?”

“i told you not to do that!”

“shut up landy! i do what i want!”

“this isn’t your house ej!”

“shut up!”

darcy looked at you with wide eyes before walking to the living room, leaving you standing in the foyer.

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232 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#2

just imagine kniesy on vacation with you and your family and he's slowly fucking u at night and no one can hear it so he keeps kissing your moans away

oh my god, you cannot tell me he wouldn't do this.

-----------------------------------

matthew had been after you all day honestly. you were in florida with your family, him coming along this year, unlike last year. you guys had just finished dinner and your family was back in their villa, watching a movie in the living room.

matthew was sitting beside you, a blanket covering you as he rested his head on your lap, one hand tucked behind your back and the other on your thigh, dangerously close to your heat. every time he would move his hand, you'd suck in a small breath, waiting for him to get closer but he never did.

the movie finally ended, your family saying their goodnights as you all dispersed out of the living room. you felt matthew finally raise up, a smirk on his face as he looked towards you, it just now being you two.

"i can literally tell how fucking horny you are from here." he grinned as he traced his hand up your thigh, hooking it in to your shorts waistband, "you- you really thought i would do something with your family right there?" he continued, "you're a bigger slut than i thought." he grinned as he slipped his hand into your underwear, causing you to let out a low groan.

"matty, please." you whispered, "do something."

he let out a laugh as he stood up, letting your waistband go with a snap. you huffed and flopped backwards on the couch as you stood up, following him into your shared room for the week.

"that's so not fair." you whispered to him as he sat on the bed; pulling you between his legs.

"oh yeah?" he grinned as he looked up at you, you taking his face in your hands.

"yeah, its not." you replied as you moved your knees to rest on his thighs, him tugging you closer, "so not fair." you mumbled as you pressed your lips to his, the kiss becoming heated quickly as your teeth clashed together; it becoming needier than usual. he tugged at the bottom of your shirt, pulling it off when you leaned back for a second before shoving your lips back on his.

"oh shit, is the door locked?" he asked, breaking the kiss as he shoved you off of him, to get up to check. it wasn't, which was good for matthew to remember it, unlike the one time his roommate walked in on you two.

by the time he was walking back to the bed, you had flipped over; your gaze already on him.

"god, you look so beautiful," he started as he crawled up the bed, "but you'd look even better without this." he quietly said as he undid the clasp on your bra, him helping you slide it off as he crawled up your body. he attached his lips quickly to your neck, causing you to let out a low moan as he popped the button on your jean shorts, his hand dipping back down in them, but this time, he gave you what you needed. his finger teased your clit as he licked a stripe up the base of your neck before sucking in one spot.

"you- you can't leave a hickey, m-matty." you panted out, "not this week."

he laughed against your neck, hearing how desperate you sounded for him. he leaned up, him helping you slide your shorts and underwear off in one swoop before he tugged his own shirt off. he

"god baby." he mumbled, "you're so wet for me." he grinned down at you as he kissed down your body, his body settling between your thighs as he kissed the inner part, you let out a deep breath.

"matt, please." you muttered, "do something." you begged as he smirked, his tongue drawing lines against your thigh, him stopping to suck in certain places before he attached his lips to your clit, you letting out a moan.

"baby." he said as he pulled away, "you have to be quiet. there's no other way well be able to do this." he said as he stared up at you, "now, are you going to listen to me or am i going to have to stop?" he asked.

"i'll be- i'll be good."

"good girl." he said as he attached his lips back, running his tongue in different patterns and shapes as he massaged your thighs before wrapping his arms around them to keep you in place. you pulled your hand up to your mouth as you bit on your knuckle to keep you quiet as your other hand went down to matthews hair, tugging slightly.

he hummed against your clit causing you to jerk as he inserted a finger into you, slowly working you up; to prepare you for him.

"baby please." you mumbled out, it being disrupted by your hand.

you could feel the coil tightening in your stomach as you felt him speed up his movements, your body shaking slightly causing him to tug you closer. he knew you were getting closer and the moment you were about to release, he pulled away.

"what the fuck knies?" you hissed as you leaned up to look at him.

"you're not cumming that way baby." he grinned, "you're only cumming with my cock in you." he continued as he shoved his shorts down, his underwear going with them. he prepped himself as he went to enter you, lining himself up before shoving in slowly.

he let out a small grunt as he leaned forward, connecting your lips to keep you quiet as he slowly moved, his hand finding your clit again to help edge you closer, back to where you were. he felt you clench around him, a breathy moan being let out into your mouth, him pulling away for a second to watch his length slide in and out of you at a steady pace.

"you gotta- you gotta be quiet." you teased as he pushed himself back into you, him shutting you up by pressing his lips back to yours, his hand rubbing faster as he brought you closer and closer.

"go ahead baby." he muttered as he felt you clench around him once more, you releasing, him not being too far behind as it only took a couple more thrusts.

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239 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

salt and sugar - owen power

please don’t forget my inbox for requests is OPEN

fwb!owen x reader, bestie!kent slight.

“i still do not understand why you don’t like him.” kent sighed, “he’s my best friend and you’re my best friend. i just want you to get along.” he pouted.

“i’m not sure what to tell you kent.” you shrugged, going back to reading on your phone. little did he know, you and owen had been talking. not in such friendly ways, but more of a friends with benefits type of way. but no one else needed to know this except you two.

it happened at a party the boys threw. couple of drinks later, you and owen had found yourselves in his room, you pressed against the wall as his lips attacked your neck as your hands traced down the front of his body, stopping at the button of his jeans.

“are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, his lips nipping at your neck.

“shut up and kiss me power.” you muttered, pulling his lips to meet yours.

it didn’t take long for you to end up under him in his bed multiple times after that, mainly when you two weren’t sober; but you’d be lying if you said that there hadn’t been times where both of you just needed the other with no alcohol involved.

there was times you two just simply needed to let frustration out and both of you knew it was okay to take it out on the other.

kent had tried to get you to two get along for a while now, but nothing was working and he was starting to get annoyed.

“can you two please just go try and talk things out?”

“i guess. but the moment he starts his shit, i’m leaving kenny.” you threw your head back, letting a sigh out, “i don’t see the point but whatever.”

that brought you to this moment here. you standing in the middle of owens room, the two of you glaring at each other over a small disagreement, knowing where this was probably going to lead. you weren’t sure you should have even listened to kent at this point.

“be careful who you trust, ya know,” owen smirked, “salt and sugar look the same.”

“oh really now? you weren’t saying that when you were on top of me last night.” you grinned, the excitement of this man and his words coursing through your veins, “honestly, i don’t think you’d be able to tell the difference, mr. power.”

as much as you hated owen, there was just something so… intriguing about him.

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288 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[amplesalty]

Christmas 2022 - Day 2 - Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (2012)

On t he second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

...two thousand dollars worth of tools!

Oh hey, we’ve reached the point where they got embarrassed about the number of sequels they were making. We took a diversion last year to look at the newest entry in the franchise, Home Sweet Home Alone, but we’re going back into the archives now to check out the last new to me entry actually set at Christmas. I’ve never seen 3 but I know that’s not set at Christmas and doesn’t involve the McAllisters either but maybe I’ll look at that one day as a random review just for the sake of completeness. With this coming out in 2012, it almost sort of maybe looks like they’re going for a ‘once a generation’ thing where they draw in one bunch of kids, then hit the next batch when the others have grown up. I mean, you had the original and the sequel at the beginning of the 90’s, 3 came out mid-to-late 90’s, then 4 was early noughties, now this one in the early tens and finally HSHA in 2021. At this rate I suppose we can look forward to the next entry in the early 2030’s. Maybe by then it’ll be set on a terraformed Mars.

I don’t know why but I’ve somehow always managed to misjudge this art for the film. I think something about the hair looking floppy made me think he was a spoilt little rich kid. Plus what is quite plainly a hoodie I’d somehow seen as like a blazer of sorts with a tie. I can only assume I only ever glanced at this and didn’t pay too much attention because boy is that ever a wide of the mark assessment. Indeed, this is the story of your average American family with 2.4 kids who have moved all the way from California to Maine in aid of mom’s new job.

At least he’s doing the whole ‘scream’ thing here to immediately remind you of the old movies. They even mention the painting at one point and the kids get oddly embarrassed at their parents doing the pose. I don’t know if he’s really selling fear here though, he just looks slightly appalled by something.

Fittingly for Maine the house is allegedly haunted by the spirit of an old timey bootlegger but we’re not exactly going into Stephen King territory here. It does give extra reason for our young protagonist, Finn (played by Christian Martyn), to be scared senseless but he doesn’t exactly need any help since he’s pretty much scared of his own shadow most of the time. It’s also the motivation for our obligatory gang of baddies as they plan to steal a painting which is said to reside in the house.

And hey, there are actual recognisable people in these roles again! Malcolm McDowell makes another appearance on our Christmas list, this time as the ringleader Sinclair. Alongside him he has Jessica played by Debi Mazar who sort of looks familiar but I don’t think that’s down to some of the more logical places I would have seen her like Goodfellas or Empire Records. She’s apparently Madonna’s bestie as well and she’s been in a whole bunch of her videos.

Maybe it’s because she looks like she’s come straight out of that Jim Carrey Grinch movie at one point. Definite Who vibe off her here. Plus there’s Eddie Steeples who was ‘Crab Man’ Darnell Turner on My Name is Earl and was also in Would You Rather that I watched during Halloween a year or two back.

Say what you will about these sequels being cash ins but they put their hand in their pocket sometimes to get people you might actually know. Granted, McDowell is very much a working actor and whilst thoughts do obviously turn to A Clockwork Orange, you can just as easily find him providing voice work to Pinocchio 3000 (okay that sounds stupid and I kinda want to see it) or Tom and Jerry Meet Sherlock Holmes (...same) so it’s probably not an amazing ‘get’ but I imagine he doesn’t come cheap.

Another recognisable face is Edward Asner who just feels destined to turn up in so many Christmas films. I swear it’s either him or the goddamned Northen Lights. At least he’s not playing Santa this time. It’s kind of a weird performance because he’s hosting this Christmas party and the mum is his new hire, only they’re trying to play him off as being massively drunk but it’s not that far removed from just being a vaguely senile old man.

The whole former bootlegger house does very nearly come close to giving this movie a gimmick and some sort of identity as pretty early on Finn inadvertently finds a hidden safe in the basement. Eventually he and his sister find out that it has a hidden wall that has a speakeasy behind it which, when his sister tries to steal a bottle of alcohol, triggers the door to shut behind her and lock her in. The idea of the house itself having these sort of traps built in and leftover from it’s former occupant would’ve been a new dynamic and you could potentially have moments of peril from Finn accidently finding himself on the wrong end of one. But it doesn’t really come up so we’re just left with the results of Finn’s imagination; icing up the front porch (a classic), pouring oil over people or baking poisoned cookies full of hot sauce. Hey, Home Sweet Home Alone took that one! That movie has clearly sunk to a new low if it’s having to rip off this movie. Thinking about it though, the kid in these movies is meant to be the viewer analogue, the little boys and girls watching at home are meant to be able to imagine themselves being the one setting the traps and getting their own back on all the mean grownups so it doesn’t exactly work if the kid isn’t the one actively setting the traps.

His big secret weapon is the power of sexual harassment as Jessica gets stuck in a window trying to break in so, when he two partners in crime try to pull her out, Finn keeps firing things at her that smack her on the arse and makes her think the guys are trying to cop a feel. A swift mule kick to the nards sorts them right out though. I don’t know if I want to run the risk of upsetting the moderation bots of Tumblr again though in order to show you, I’m not sure what the party line is on a nice bottom.

The traps feel a little tame in comparison to the other movies, especially when you consider the multiple times Kevin nearly killed the Wet/Sticky bandits with blunt force trauma, electrocution, burning, falls, Birdemic... Honestly, the most violent act isn’t even directed at the bad guys, it’s when he’s convinced the house is haunted so tries to collect evidence and ends up shooting his own Father with a taser. I know these kids are shown to be resourceful in these movies but where did he get that from?!It’s like the reverse Chekhov’s Gun as it never shows up again.

Or when this one guy pretty much gets Swatted and maced by about a dozen cops.  See, there’s this whole subplot where Finn just wants to play videogames and not make any actual real life friends, only it comes across vaguely weird when the one guy he’s talking to online is this one dude in like his mid 20’s. Finn kinda has this whole borderline social issue though as he seems geniunely anxious at the thought of any human interaction with his peers. His sister is portrayed as being obssesed with her phone so it’s very much the type of writing you expect from that relatively early period of smart phones where adults are complaining about how their kids just wont get off the dang cell phone or those violent viddy games!

Then there’s this whole scene where Finn tells the guy they’re being robbed so he hacks Finn’s gamertag, gets his mum’s mobile number from the account details and calls her to tell her what’s happening. Only it turns into this whole misunderstanding where she thinks he’s grooming her son and has her daughter locked in the basement. Oh, noncing and child abuse, what japes we have.

Honestly, this one wasn’t too bad. It’s massively derivative and there’s no reason to watch it over 1 or 2 but it’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s just a very safe rehash that makes absolutely no attempt to try and stray from the formula, it just settles into the well worn arse groove that the original movie and the sequel already made and is quite content with that. It’s just the same movie but adjusted 20 years down the line with some new possibilities thanks to the advancement of technology.  Still, because it’s giving itself such a low bar it didn’t really come across as making any massively glaring faults. Whereas last year I think Home Sweet Home Alone kind of forgot it even was a Home Alone movie for large portions so it’s a lot easier to pick fault with it. Maybe that one just set some low expectations for me that this one was able to meet.

It’s not to say there aren’t problems. Like Finn is just a massive dweeb who seems to have this sad look on his face the entire movie. Plus, him being scared borders on the ridiciousless on occasions. Like there’s one moment where he manages to run screaming out of the secret room, through the basement, up the stairs, through the kitchen, up another flight of stairs, into his room, throw off the covers and then dive under them. It feels like one of those jokes where someone is falling for a really long time so they have to stop to breathe before starting to scream again. Granted, Kevin was pretty scared in the first movie but he was a good couple of years younger, was actively left alone for days on end rather then just a couple of hours whilst his parents went to a party and the Wet Bandits were a lot more intimidating the guy guys on show here.  These guys are only interested in the painting and even when they do discover Finn and his sister, they just try to keep them out of the way. The Bandits though, they took that shit seriously when Kevin was fighting back against them and you really did think they were going to kill him before Old Man Marley showed up with that snow shovel. I suppose this is a kids movie after all though and you’ve got to keep the menace and fear to a minimum.