#fractured into a million tiny pieces

[wyauwu]

this bitch hits DIFFERENT on a nuzlocke oh my arceus.

[sasster]

Simon Says

Happy 11:30am on a Monday! Uhm. You guys up for a game? tw: uhm! involuntary body movement? technically body horror? not really. help me [doc] —

Crack! The sound of the plaster mask snapping in two fills the air, a few of the pieces escape the frantic hands of their owner as they fall from his face to the floor to shatter into infinitely more pieces. In his hand, Termia holds a little more than half to his face and stares, with one newly exposed eye that practically bulges out of his head, at the other half that decorates the floor at his feet like a million tiny eggshells.

His assailant lets out a laugh, a triumphant bark that draws the attention of that single eye to them in a snap. Termia tilts his head, something in his neck pops, and the sudden silence begins to poison the room with the vitriol that pools from somewhere deep inside him. The other troll instantly falls silent as well, finding that they don’t like how suddenly stern his disposition has become.

He takes one step forward, hand still secured to his face and all of the rage he feels roils into that deep orange-red his sclera starts to turn, stands a little straighter, and looms as he closes the plaster covered distance between them.

Then he laughs. A giddy sound that rips out of his throat in place of a growl, it hitches, and the movement causes more stray pieces from his fracturing mask to fall to the floor.  “I didn’t know we were playing rough!” He says between his fits of giggles, coming to a stop when he has to bend at an awkward angle to see the troll he looms over. “I can play rough!”

Rather suddenly another spike of laughter rushes out of him and he pulls the rest of his crumbling mask up from his face to reveal a deranged smile that shows off needle sharp teeth, usually concealed by that fine layer of plaster.

“Simon Says?”

There is no response, instead they stare up at him as though puzzling together how they might get themself out of this situation.

Impossibly his grin grows wider, accentuating the smile lines that crowd around his lips, and in one quick practiced movement, he uses the jagged edge of the mask to slice into the cheek of his now horrified target.

They watch with a mixture of confusion and fear as he lets his tongue glide up the length of the accessory-turned-weapon, lapping up the blood from the wound.

“Simon says?” He repeats, eyes now aglow with the life of his voodoos.

This time they nod with an enthusiasm that matches the laugh that erupts from him, their eyes the size of saucers. 

“I don’t think I have to explain the rules to this one, it’s pretty straightforward. Simon says, hm, touch your nose!” He touches his own finger to his nose and the other troll mirrors the action. “You got it! Just like that!”

Termia takes a couple of steps back, to give them room for their game, in the meantime placing the broken and blood covered mask back on his face.

“Alright, Simon says do a somersault.” And just as he did the last time, as soon as the words leave his mouth, he crouches down and does a somersault, he comes to sit with his legs crossed and staring up at his playmate.

There is a brief moment where nothing happens, the purple blood watching expectantly and the other troll makes no move. Their fingers twitch at their side. Realization of their own autonomy hits them and they make quick work of attempting to dart in the direction opposite of Termia. Two or three steps away from their starting point, their body comes to a halt.

“Simon. Says. Do a somersault.” Termia grits and they turn around to face him again before obediently fulfilling the command.

“That’s much better! Don’t worry, I’ll help you if you forget, again.”

The troll across from him shakes their head, swallowing hard around the fear that lodges itself in their throat. “I… I’m sorry--”

“Sorry? Don’t worry about it! Simon says do a bridge pose!” The pair follow the command at the same time this round. “Very good! Now stand up.”

This time there is no hesitation, his playmate pulls themself up to their feet and looks down at the masked troll with bewilderment painted on their face.

”Tsk,” he shakes his head and they come down hard on their hands to re-engage the bridge pose. Tiny pieces of plaster crumble ever more and embed themselves into their skin, they yelp out a pained cry. “Simon didn’t tell you to do that. This is a game wigglers play, you know.” He speaks slowly, enunciating each syllable sympathetically. “Don’t worry. I know how hard it can be. Simon says, do what I do.”

And though his mouth is covered now, it is hard not to hear the grin hiding behind that mask. Termia doesn’t wait long, walking his hands so that he is pulling himself between his legs from the bridge pose. There is a “pop!” that sounds from one of his joints being moved in a direction that it wasn’t prepared for. He laughs it off. “That’s why we always stretch first!”

“I. I can’t do that!” They blurt out, shaking their head frantically.

“You can! I believe in you!” He says with a shrug that looks uncomfortable. “Besides, Simon said, so it’s really out of our hands.”

To their horror they start to mirror him again, joints protesting much more loudly as their body makes the unnatural fold in on itself to complete the move. They start to shout, but their mouth clamps shut around the sound.

“Shh. Focus. Deep breaths.”

They pay him no mind, only taking shallow breaths through their nose with their body moving against their will to walk their hands between their legs. Then a crack and a swallowed shriek.

“Oh? Almost!”

The movement presses on until a disgustingly wet snap finally sounds and their upper body falls limp, however, still under his control they dig their nails into the ground and drag themself the rest of the way with wide, dim eyes.

“Oh… We probably should have stretched first after all, you think?”

[crappymixtape]

not without me

read this a long time ago from @willelfanpage and @frodohaven – unedited, but here it is! // i need a scene of will trying to go off on his own on a dangerous task and mike's so desperately trying to make him stay and he’s grabbing his face and pleading with him and will knows if he looks him in the eyes he’ll stay for sure, so he keeps them closed and tears are rolling down both of their faces and it’s just angsty and heartbreaking and beautiful and I need it now.

N O T W I T H O U T M E

🎵 make this go on forever, snow patrol

Tiny beads of sweat gathered along Will’s forehead as he shoved things into his backpack. Flashlight, extra batteries, the pocketknife Jonathan had given him for his birthday and as he dug around in his closet looking for the small first aid kit he used to bring to summer camp his eyes caught a flash of red.

Bright scales, fire painted and ripping across the paper as the dragon breathed, shields and swords and four brave souls standing before the monster ready to face the horror towering over them and his throat squeezed. Wrapped around the feelings that pressed into his chest.

“Will? Will are you up there! Will!”

Sucking in a gasp he pushed past the painting and grabbed the first aid kit from under a pile of shoes, crammed it into his bag and zipped it shut.

“Will? Oh, shit. I thought you left.”

Mike’s voice was teetering on panic, anxiety rippling down his arms and sending his heart hammering against his ribcage. Relief had hit him when he saw Will hadn’t left, but anger and frustration replaced it when he saw the bag in the other boy’s hands.

“Uh, what’s that?”

“A bag, what’s it look like.”

Mike scoffed. Jammed his tongue into his cheek and tried to stay calm, but dread was settling heavy in his stomach.

“Okay. Is there enough shit in there for me?”

“No, Mike. There isn’t.”

That was it.

“Well, what the hell are you thinking? You can’t just go alone. He’s out there looking for you! Who’s gonna be there to–”

“No one! No one, Mike! Just like it always is! You can’t save me, okay? And I’m not gonna put you in a bed next to Max.”

Will wouldn’t even look at him, kept cramming more shit into his bag and hunched over the side of his bed and Mike felt tears burning at the corner’s of his eyes. Firmed his lips into a line to keep them from trembling. Sucked in a breath to try and steady himself. To keep everything from shattering into a million tiny pieces and took a step toward the other boy. Held his ground.

“Yeah? Well, what if I don’t care.”

“You don’t get to decide, Mike. This isn’t your fight.”

“No! You take that back!” Mike was shaking now, had closed the gap between them and grabbed at Will’s shoulder. Turned him so that he had to look and didn’t fight the tears now as they cut angry lines down his cheeks.

Will felt a crack fracture his heart in two, felt it try to swallow him whole, but pushed against it. Tried to ignore it and pulled his eyes away from his best friend, turned away and closed him out.

“Just go away,” Will choked on the words, unable to even get them out and Mike couldn’t take it.

“I won’t! God, Will. Just look at me!”

Pushing himself between Will and the bed, Mike shoved the bag away. Grabbed onto Will’s face and held the line of his jaw in his hands, big and wide and warm and Will squeezed his eyes shut. Knew if he opened them to look at his best friend he’d break. Knew if he saw how much Mike was crying he’d lose it too and would never leave the house. Would never be able to find Vecna. Would put them all at risk. Nancy, Steve, Lucas, Dustin.

Mike.

He was crying now, quiet and stoic and eyes still closed and it killed Mike to see it, but he kept going. Kept pushing.

“Please. Look at me,” Mike’s voice was trembling as he swiped his thumbs across Will’s cheeks, swept the tears away, pressed a kiss to the skin there desperate and so fucking sad and finally Will opened his eyes.

“I can’t,” Will’s shoulders were shaking as Mike sucked in a breath, tried to blink his own tears away, tried to gather himself back up.

“Yes you can, yes you can. Please stay. Please. Please, Will. We’ll figure it out together, like we always do. Please. Will,” another kiss pressed to his cheek, to his jawline, to his forehead, “Will.”

“M’sorry,” Will sobbed, falling forward into Mike’s chest, pressing himself against the boy to try and hide there and Mike wrapped his arms around him. Held him close. Cried with him and placed kisses to the top of his head. Whispered to him and told him nothing bad was going to happen. That they’d do it together and he’d never leave his side. That he couldn’t bear the thought of him going alone. That he

loved him.

crappymixtape™ • steve harrington masterlist // stranger things masterlist

[i-love-jay-walker]

Jaya Week 2023

I wasn't gonna post any of my fics from Jaya Week on tumblr, besides the original link, but I'll be honest, I think this is the only good thing I've written in a while. So if you're interested in reading some Jaya stuff, here you go! I hope you enjoy!

You can also read it under here:

Promise

The first time his hand held hers, he felt delighted. He swore he felt his heart explode with a million butterflies, filling up his stomach and crowding his mind. He could hardly think, seeing nothing but the beautiful butterflies, whispering promises of love to come.

The first time they kissed, he felt ecstatic. Not only from his true potential, but from the unspoken promise of something more. The low zimmer of currents in his blood, whispering and polluting his mind, promising so much. 

The first time he saw her with Cole, he felt resentment. An unspoken promise had been broken. It had been taken, bent it till it broke, shattering to pieces much like his broken heart. The whispers had fallen silent, a dying hope of something better no longer promised.

The first time they went out again, he had felt uncertain. He had spent so long, picking up the pieces of his heart, slowly glueing the bits and pieces together. It wasn’t easy, seeing how both her and Cole had pieces of it stuck to them, to their bodies, their souls and their clothes. He wasn’t sure he could ever truly repair it, so he kept it to himself, not letting her touch his mangled heart. A promise to himself to not trust again, to not let his heart shatter any further. The whispers fell on deaf ears as he cradled his crumbled heart.

The first time he lost her, he felt misery. His marred heart crackled, the old cracks splitting open, letting the love he’d carefully hidden away oozing out. It smelled foul and putrid, something no one was deserving of. It was ugly and vile, having been stowed up with molded hatred and jealousy. He carefully tried to tape up the bits, hoping no one would see the revolting, broken heart spilling out all of his anguish. The muck had yearned for a girl no longer there, yearned for a love it could never have. It whispered for a promise that was too late.

The first time he held out his defective heart, he felt hesitant. Her gentle hands caressed the stitched up soul, slowly warming it up. She had sat down, gently pulling out each ragged thread, dissolving the clumped up glue. She cleaned and polished each tiny piece, displaying them in front her. Baring his soul and heart to herself and he let her. He would always let her. She slowly began rebuilding the bond, adding each small, polished piece by piece. She gave him back the remains she’d stolen, the bits shiny and well cared for. In the end, his fractured heart was mending as she cradled the bond, gentle and caring. The whispers of a promise to return, to care and to help. To never be alone again. 

The second time he lost her, he felt despair. His restored heart shattering in impossibly many pieces, his mind going with it. He sprawled on the floor, reaching for pieces that seemed endlessly far away, pieces that would scatter farther off with each reach. He heard the cry of his broken soul, the million pieces mourning a loss he didn’t know how to handle. He scooped up the pieces he could, cradling the memory of a lost love. He rocked it gently, hoping if he put his weeping heart to sleep, maybe the pain would leave him alone. He cried along with his wailing soul, his tears showering the memories he had cherished, the imagery of a girl he’d loved. The whispers were howling, a sobbing promise to never let go, a tearful promise to never forget. 

The second time he held out his defective heart, he felt relieved. Her hands, as gentle as he remembered, cradled and kissed his shattered heart. She helped him put it back together, gently kissing each jagged shard before stitching them up. His misshapen heart may not be a pleasant glance, but to him it meant everything. It whispered promises of love, promises of care and promises of never being alone. It was a repulsive heart, one only one person could love. And that she did. Every night she cradled his heart, kissing and polishing every crack and rift. She promised to take care of the repelling soul, the one she loved so dearly. She promised that to her, the grotesque heart was beautiful.

[didiwaffles]

good lore, good lore.. i absolutely adore multiverses and immortals having arguments that last millions of years! this is so awesome

now that i know who devi is, i want to circle back and ask a bit more about eva

what were her lives before rebirth? how was she even made? what powers did she have?

thanks you for answering my silly questions about your characters 🙏

- void anon

It's such a pleasure to me I can do it all day if you let me

Actually, we do not need to circle back for that, we can just move forward from where I stopped the last time. Before we move on to Eva, I need to establish a few things that led to her birth.

There's a few things that happened in about a few hundred thousands to a million of years between the moment the Monster was sealed and when Devi left Afiar.

As I mentioned, she created 5 Elemental Spirits who went on to restore the world.

Amenir - the Spirit of Air - created a flying castle made of air for Devi.

Devi resqued Emi - a girl who lost everyone she ever knew as well as everyone of her race to the Monster's awakening.

Next few hundred years Emi spent in a hybernation, after which she went on to restore her kind and with time created an army of soldiers devoted to serving Devi. (Not like Devi was a huge fan of that at first, but she let Emi and the others do whatever they wanted.)

Devi made continuous efforts to change Darinir's mind about herself, but it was in vain.

Whenever she could, she spent her time helping people in need, protecting the weak, and fighting off anyone who posed a threat.

The rest of the time she spent on her own, with time creating two other Spirits - Rudy (the Spirit of Time - or rather a tiny fluffy fox squirrel) and Nirali (the Spirit of Art and everything that falls under the category of talent and inspiration) to keep her company. They will become the closest to her, and will remain by her side even when she will have many other friends in the future.

With time, Devi became quite bored of this routine. So she thought of something fun to do. Since she didn't remember ever having a childhood, she wanted to experience that for herself. She didn't consult anyone on that - not her mother, not her enemies, not her children. She just put Emi before the fact - she was going to be reborn as a human child in some other world. She took Nirali with her, merging their souls together so she'd always be by Devi's side, while left Rudy behind. It wasn't meant to take long. After all she intended to come back once she was 20 or something.

Thousands of years passed. She never returned. Everyone looked for her, but she was nowhere to be found.

Obviously something went wrong.

In the preparation to be reborn, Devi left her body and her soul traveled around the universe, in search of a good place to reborn in. Now, remember I mentioned that a piece of Afiar that flew out when the Monster awakened would form into a separate world that would go on to create an anomaly zone? Devi accidentally flew by and got caught up in it. It did quite a few things.

First, it suppressed her power. She was no longer in control of what was happening.

Then, when she was trying to fight it, her mind fractured and split her personality into 3 parts. One was the "Devi of Light" (I'm using such a wording intentionally, she's not the "good" and the other one is not the "bad" Devi, that matters), Rodari, who inherited Devi's wings, which became white with her. The other one was the "Devi of Darkness", Diano, who took the crack from Devi's eye. The third one was Devi herself, what was left of her.

As the result, she lost her memories once again.

As she was reborn, luckily to Devi, everyone inside of her - Diano, Rodari, the Monster, and even Nirali - were put into slumber. Nirali would wake up rather quickly though, but would realize she's trapped inside of Devi's mind, who didn't remember anything and was just like an actual human child.

As Devi grew up, she would often end up creating fantasies in her head. Between toxic family relationships, having no friends, and stressful school stuff, it was her only gateway. There was only one problem. The anomaly did drain all the magic it came in contact with, but what it also did was it made the fantasy of people inside the world affect the rest of the universe. Characters from the books were coming alive in a newly born world somewhere far away, far from the reach of its creator. But that was even more true for Devi. Because even though she lost her memory, she didn't lose her power, and even though it was constantly drained, that wasn't enough to rid of it completely. And the fact that Devi didn't know it existed didn't mean she wasn't using it unconsciously. So, unbeknownst to her, her fantasies were affecting the entire universe. Everything she were thinking about was coming true outside the anomaly. And not only did she affect the future, she also affected the past. She created the fates of people... who she already met. But she didn't remember them. I'm talking about Ula and Lana. She crafted a story of their lives... that she already knew. Just didn't remember. But those two weren't the only ones. There were 7 people she affected directly, and many more - indirectly. One of those 7 was Riam.

I already went on a big enough of a tangent, so I will skip laying out Devi and Riam's relationship. What matters is Devi heavily influenced his very existence, but some stuff remain hidden even from her. Eventually, she got caught up in her own fantasies so badly, that she completely fell in love with her own mind's creation - that is to say, Riam. So one evening when she was especially lonely, she unconsciously completely overpowered the anomaly and just teleported Riam to herself.

Again I will not go into the details of their relationships now, what matters is they fell in love, and after figuring out that finding out how to get out of the world they both ended in might take a bit, they eventually married. And during their honeymoon, Devi got pregnant.

That's how Eva was born.

Now, I will shift to her story.

When Eva was born, Nirali - who was practically her older sister - planted a kiss on her forehead. Being the Spirit, what that did was it blessed Eva with extraordinary talent. Combined with her father's genes, Eva developed extremely quickly. By one year old she could already read with no problems, and by three she could solve simple math problems. When she went to school, she was far ahead of her peers, and what ended up happening is that she would be let to do whatever she wanted in class, as long as she aced all her tests. And of course she did. Devi also made sure Eva had several tutors who would teach her in accordance to her level of development. Once Eva was a bit older, she agreed that it was better than shoving her in the higher grades with more grown up kids or depriving her of socialization by tutoring her at home. As for changing schools into a more advanced one, Devi debated doing that... But there was one slight problem with that.

When Eva was 6, she got two twin little brothers.

As they were growing up, they looked and acted absolutely identical to each other. Even their own parents couldn't tell them apart when they were in matching closes. For some reason, Eva was the only one who could always tell them apart. Consequentially, she was the only one that could put a stop on their twin antics.

But fast forward to the time Eva would go on to graduate. Even though no one doubted her ability to ace the final exam, that was still pretty stressful, and the stress only multiplied with what was happening at home.

After almost 20 years of searching and trying everything she could even think of, Devi finally was able to create a portal out of the world they were in. Funnily enough, it came to her in a dream. She tried her best to replicate it, but she must've messed it up in several places because the portal barely opened. But that was enough for something to grab Riam and shove him inside, after which it closed immediately. At first Devi was incredibly happy. She tried to achieve that for so long! But slowly her happiness faded as she came to the realization, "...But what about me..?"

Devi quickly spiraled down into a deep depression, and Eva had to choose between staying by her side to help her through it and preparing for her own exams, while also taking care of her brothers. But she managed through it and successfully passed her final exam. And when she came back to share the news...

Devi's pain was so unbearable that she unconsciously tore through the fabric of reality, completely overpowering the anomaly, and creating a portal. But when the answer was right before her, she hesitated. She couldn't just go in and leave her children behind. At the same time, they had their own lives and aspirations, Eva was almost an adult, with Paul and Pete already being teens. Forcing them down the path she wanted to go didn't feel right either. But they still needed to be taken care of, she couldn't just abandon them. But she couldn't stay either, not when she had that chance, she would go on to regret it for the rest of her life.

That's where Eva found her when she returned home. And she didn't need any words to understand what was going on. Then, she encouraged Devi to leave them and go, promising that she'll take care of the boys, and when they will be ready, they will somehow find a way to find her. She didn't really think that far ahead, she just knew that if her mom stayed, she'd be deeply unhappy. Devi didn't have time to think for too long, and just before the portal closed, she went into it.

But the task that Eva assumed upon herself was not an easy one. By then, the twins who used to be indistinguishable started showing signs of separating into two completely different people, and losing both of their parents made them develop completely different personalities.

Much like Eva, Paul understood mother's decision. He trusted both Devi and Eva with their decisions. But Pete... He didn't take it well at all. He was angry. Angry that his parents abandoned him, and he vented his frustration on none other than Eva. He criticized her cooking, comparing to how Devi used to do it, he criticized her for not having a job, despite them not having problems with money, criticized her for not cleaning the house. Eva understood his frustration so she didn't stop him, but Paul wasn't taking that, and the two of them were constantly fighting over everything now. But Paul understood that Eva also wasn't all that happy that Devi left, and with the university she just got in on top of that, the last thing she needed was chores and quarrels at home. He tried to do everything he could, but Pete was just making everything more difficult than it needed to be.

That went on until both boys hit 15. By then, both of them knew what they wanted to do in life. Pete has decided to be a professional musician, and as soon as he could, he left to study in the music college, making sure he let it be known that he doesn't want anything to do with his family anymore. By that time Eva went on to study for her future master's degree in chemistry. As for Paul, he had an obsession of his own. All he wanted was to protect Eva. So he went on his own path, going to the military academy.

Now that I laid out the kinda dynamic the three have and what they've been doing with their lives, I'll quickly go through the rest that happened there.

Eva graduated with the master's degree in chemistry, and went on to own her own lab where she started working on finding something that could create a portal so they could reunite with their parents.

Paul graduated the college and went on to serve in the military.

After that he went on to the military university and studied there in the air force department.

Sometimes they would do street patrols, and in one of such days Paul happened to pass by Eva's lab. He immediately noticed something was wrong. By a pure coincidence, exactly at the time he was passing through there, something went array in the lab, and just a moment after Paul thought something was off, there was a massive explosion. Eva was inside.

By an order of their captain, cadets helped evacuate people, but Paul was concerned since he couldn't find Eva. Eventually the fire got too strong, and Paul disobeyed orders completely and went inside.

Eva made sure everyone was evacuated, but by that time she inhaled too much toxins and passed out in the fire. Paul got to her in time to grab her and jump out of the window before there was another massive explosion that would've killed them both.

They both were sent to ER. Paul suffered from mild intoxication, light burns, and he also sprained his ankle when landing. Eva suffered much more heavily. She fell into a coma.

For more than a year Eva remained unconscious, and Paul made sure to stay by her side at all cost. His studying was paused for as long as he needed. Eventually, Eva woke up. Paul held a huge grudge against Pete for not showing up even once.

Paul would go on to finish the university, and Eva continued working on her research. They barely saw each other, and as soon as Paul graduated he was mobilized as a war broke right about that time.

He went on to pilot a fighter jet on the front lines, and nearly died. His body was never found, and he was declared missing.

Eva was going crazy worrying about him, while Pete as always showed miracles of compassion and care, just shy of celebrating his brother's death.

Paul survived though and returned home on his own two. He would be later awarded a medal since his feat practically turned the tide of the war.

Once the war was over, Paul didn't retire, instead he went on to be Eva's personal bodyguard. He ensured the lab's safety and protected her when she was awarded for her achievements in the field of chemistry.

Eventually, she achieved her goal. She created an essence that could turn a mirror into a portal. She couldn't control the destination, but it could bypass the anomaly's borders, and they could figure it out from there. Pete refused to go with them, but Eva left an extra bottle of that essence for him if he ever changed his mind.

From then on, Eva and Paul quickly reunited with Devi, and found out it's been many thousand years for her. At that point in time, Devi still hadn't recovered her memory, but she was already pretty strong.

A whole new world was open before them. For Paul it was simple - she went wherever Eva went. And Eva went everywhere - she wanted to try everything. Eventually she settled on two things. First, she became a succubus. And second, she became obsessed with fighting. She used to fight as a child, and seeing her mom being strong and beautiful, she wanted to be just as strong as her.

Eva made good progress, quickly becoming third strongest person in the universe - right after her parents (though it's questionable who made that list to begin with.) And then it happened.

As I mentioned before, Devi had a lot on her shoulders. Not remembering her past, she already defeated one enemy, and another one showed up right after, and she didn't even know why they were so determined to kill her. The truth was those two were sent after her... by her own mother.

Anorava gave them a fraction of her power and wanted one thing in exchange - find Devi and do anything they had to but restore her memories. But Darkness was a wicked power, and given to those who were too weak, it corrupted their minds. And Alphonse completely forgot what was the reason he was fighting Devi - but unable to overpower her it seeded a deep hatred for her in his heart.

Alas, Devi was oblivious to this. She was just tired. She already suffered one heartbreak, and another one that shattered her soul in pieces completely, and she barely was able to recover. She thought that if Alphonse was so determined to kill her then if she died he'll rest easy. So she left the protection of the universe to Eva, and went to Heavens.

First of all, she got bored really quickly there. She did have her rest, but quickly realized that she would absolutely dread spending an eternity there.

But that was the least of her problems. Because there was someone who really didn't like her being dead, aside from her friends.

Eva thought she was ready to face any opponent, but she was absolutely unprepared for how wicked and insane Alphonse was. He didn't want Devi dead. No, he wanted to kill her. And surely Devi will come back if he hurts something really precious to her. And he knew nothing was more precious to her than her family.

All he did was he burned Eva's eyes out. Completely. Along with her eyelids. The pain was so agonizing that Eva's own scream ruptured her eardrums, and after a while she lost her voice too. She would regain her voice eventually, but never - ears and eyes. And as if that wasn't enough, he branded Eva's soul. That way, even if she somehow managed to restore her eyes, she was destined to lose them. Again, and again, and again. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, she could return her speech, even her ears - with enough miracle - but never her eyes. Not for long at least.

To say that Devi was mad - to say nothing. She was furious, and also hurt. She would never stop blaming herself for what happened to Eva. And she was incredibly angry. Alphonse achieved his goal - Devi returned to the world of the living. But contrary to his expectations she didn't go on to fight him - first thing she did was making sure Eva wasn't going to do anything to herself.

When all that happened, Eva was left completely alone in the darkness. Saw nothing, heard nothing, only felt pain. Wanted to cry but tears wouldn't come out. She even forgot there was an enemy in front of her - not like he cared about her at all.

But soon enough she felt first touch. Someone grabbed her by the shoulders and slightly shook. She instinctively recoiled, and the touch stopped. Recognized it clearly wasn't an enemy, she reached forward and grabbed the shirt. Big warm hand gently laid over her hand. She skimmed through everyone she knew to figure out who that hand belong to. Figured out it can't be anyone but Paul, she relaxed.

Only when she lost her most important senses did she truly come to appreciate how much Paul cared about her. He carried her home, treated her injuries, applied bandages, and held her hand as she fell asleep. In the situation where she lost everything - he was the sunshine in the complete darkness that she needed to not give up completely. And then Devi came right into her mind, making her feel like the world around her still existed, like it was not all destroyed when she lost her senses.

Devi made sure Eva was still mentally stable, and went on helping her learn how to stop relying on her eyes and ears to live. Not like Devi knew how to. She had to bullshit her way through it, learning herself as she went. Because she knew that if she doesn't, she might lose Eva.

Thanks to her efforts, pretty quickly Eva became much more aware of her surroundings. She became more sensitive to smells, vibrations, and touch. The latter was also making her feel pain more strongly. Her voice slowly returned, a bit hoarse, but she could speak, though couldn't hear herself. Gradually she learned to identify the energy flow around her and translate it into a complete picture inside her head. And in next millions of years of practice she would even go as far as to be able to decipher the sound vibrations and understand speech without actually hearing it. Being forced in such a situation made her a true master of "seeing without eyes, hearing without ears", even Devi could not reach her level of mastery.

Devi tried everything she could to return Eva's eyes and ears. And if with ears it went well, Eva always lost her eyes, one way or another, no matter what, and then always decided to rid of ears to, just because she was used to get by without both. But no matter how much times she said that that's how she prefers it, deep inside she knew she wanted to be able to see. Even if the truth was that without eyes and ears she was stronger than with them, she was willing to trade that for the ability to see her mother, her brother... and of course, her son.

But that was not all. Because even after Alphonse was defeated and gone seemingly forever, he kept living in Devi's, and especially so in Eva's nightmares.

[chim-aera]

I no longer wish to be good

I think I'm tired of being good.

no, not that way, morality is a distant, dizzy thing laced tight with both bias and betterment, no, what I mean to say is I'm tired of trying to be something, anything, that isn't myself.

I lose myself, a race I've always fled into, bleeding into a blur, into cracks, into concrete, until I feel my knees shake and shatter, creaking and crunching beneath my skin like orange peels holding cracking walnut shells.

I've always been this way, well, most of my life. I've gotten good at shaking off my skins to slip all the ugly, bitter, screaming, sobbing little parts of me away between book pages, among lyrics, along clothes wires, and silk seams, and makeup too dark like muddy earth, with shimmering facets along a dirty canvas, scarred, and scheming, brittle and bony, too soft, too old, too young. never, never enough.

I'm so good at running from myself. call me Atalanta, for not even a golden fruit dripping in nectar and ambrosia can stop this madness, this terror, this cowardice.

I try to stare into the mirror without wanting to curl into my ribcage and never come back out. I'm all sharp teeth and shining jewels wrapped tight around my throat like a noose until it bruises, I'm always losing, but at this point I'm not even sure what game it is were playing. I've never know. hopscotch or old maid? I've always been good at checkers I wanted to learn chess but the movements and the pieces slipped out through the cracks in my mind and I'm left holding a pawn and looking down at it in pity.

I will never become a queen.

the cold piece of plastic looks back up at me too, and murmurs softly in the quiet echo of my insanity,

"no, you wont.-

-but would you even want to be?"

I've tried lacing myself into other roles scenarios, acts.

frivolent and follied, soft, sensitive, brash and choking back laughs that if you listen close enough to you'll realize they are sobs. I'm selfish, gods in selfish, I don't want to be.

I'd slip out my spine if someone asked me nice enough but it isnt kindness, is it? How I truly, desperately want to be kind but it's a sordid self destruction.

I want to run, I've always been the victim because I refuse to be whats worse, so if I go quietly a sacrifical lamb all soft and placid led by the collar I will be as far away from what those who made me like this are.

I want to feel again, gods I'm so empty, and aching.

when I was little before I was fractured into a million tiny fragments I was color, all bright hues saturated and shining, but then I grew muted placing aside and organizing every little shard like Kronos rebuilding himself from scratch.

I tried dying myself in turqoise, soaking myself in satin, anything, just to be interesting, not hollow, hollow, hollow.

I've never fallen in love, not truly. love hurts like an aching wound I'm so tired if trying to force myself to feel or feel less.

soft lips and tender caresses only dawn has pressed her lips to my forehead not even Night wants me anymore.

I miss my grandmother, I miss my cat, I miss myself.

I'm tired of running, goddamnit all.

I want to accept what I am, a broken poet, I want to read, let my hair be fine and frizzy, and the awful muddy hue it is, my skin pallid and poked with scars and pores, my dead eyes searching upwards how I've always dreamed of being lovely but I am perpetually hiding behind allegories, and coat sleeves never letting anyone close yet sobbing into myself when no one manages to ever truly see me.

I don't even know what I am, but I want to live, I've wasted too much time I live in the past by a lopsided hourglass how do I wake from this nightmare?

I dont have things terrible but I'm tired of waking and sleeping and falling and failing in this same redudant pattern.

I want to fall, and fail, and forget about whatever sorry means of perfection I could never reach.

I want to be unapologetic, and sensitive, sharp and soft, studious and unruly. I want to be, to be, to be.

I want moonlit drives and strawberry ice cream and dandelion crowns and stars mapling out like freckles on your cheeks I want soft hands and tender bruising kisses I want chapped lips and bloody knuckles, scraped knees and willow trees, acorn hats and tabby cats, saplings and sunshine, golden jewelery and golden hair, laughter and weeping, lying in a sun puddle on a carpeted floor, the scent of dust and freedom, trying, flying, searching but not fleeing gods I want to live.

I want to be.

whatever the hell I am.

I'm really tired of being good.

[rollercoasterwords]

hi! i just saw ur CR predictions and i definitely agree with a lot of them especially marlene😭😭but i’m just curious why u said u wish about james LOL

HAHAHA listen listennnnn LISTEN. just listen. u know when u make a little sculpture out of playdoh and then u smash it all up at the end into a little blob. i just think it would be fun to do that with cr james <3 i just think it would be so scrumdiddlyumptious if everyone's favorite little sun went out like a candle <3 i just love love love to see characters rip themselves apart with grief and i know regulus and sirius would never recover until the day they die <3 u people need 2 get on my level "oh i enjoy angst as long as there's a happy ending" HA. WEAK. i enjoy angst with no respite angst that fractures ur life into a million tiny pieces and spits on u and tells u to put it back together again w bleeding fingers. ohhhhgggugjfjvjv i am but a creature i need blood and guts i need to bite and kill and destroy. 2023 somebody let me off the fucking leash please oh please

[iluvchanniesposts]

Stray kids when you over bind (FTM Trans)

requested by - @shirodleapier

warnings - angst - potentially triggering content - please read with caution :).

**

Chan

As soon as he saw you strap the binding tape around again, after you got out of the shower, his heart broke into a million tiny pieces. “You’re binding again?” He walked over to you and caught you red handed. It wasn’t the first time he had mentioned it - but you insisted on keeping it a secret from him. “Chan, I-,” You started, but he cut you off. “You could hurt yourself, Y/N. Please take it easy on yourself.” He slowly unraveled the tape, kissing you on top of your head for reassurance.

Minho

“You can fracture your ribs doing that, you know?” He popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth as he walked by you. “So what? I’m doing it for a reason.” You snapped back - instantly feeling guilty for your tone of voice. “Do you think that reason is worthy of a life risk?” His comments made sense, but you hated to admit it. Instead of replying, you opted for an eye roll. “I care for you, Y/N. Please stop hurting yourself like this.”

Changbin

You heaved out a breath as you pulled the tape tighter. Changbin was sat behind you on the bed, completely oblivious to what you were doing. “Why are you sighi- Y/N?” He stopped in his tracks, dropping his phone and coming over to you. “Can you stop? You’re struggling to breathe. I hate seeing you like this, you’re overdoing it!” He scolded you in a concerned tone, unwrapping the tape from your chest. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

Hyunjin

Getting ready for bed, you removed your shirt to add the binding tape. You winced in pain at the soreness - but nothing could change your mind. “Your skin is literally sore and inflamed.” He spoke at you, watching you as the tape got tighter. “You’re not being careful with it, Y/N. May I add, you shouldn’t even be sleeping with that on.” You scoffed at his remark and carried on. “Please stop, I hate seeing you in pain.” His tone of voice made you turn around and almost cry.

Han

“Why are you like five hundred degrees right now?” He asked as he pulled away. “Because we’re under the covers, and it’s hot.” You laughed sarcastically and sat up out of his arms. The top tightened around your back, putting the binding tape on show. “You’re binding again, aren’t you?” You cringed at his words, not even daring to look around at him. “Take it off. Doing it this much is not good for you at all.” He unstrapped it, pulling you back into him and telling you how perfect you are.

Felix

You hissed in pain as Felix’s arm wrapped around your waist. Little did he know, you had been binding a lot more this week. You didn’t want him to know, because he hates seeing you in pain. “What’s wrong, are you hurt?” The dreaded question left his lips and you tensed up. “Can I see?” He asked, and before you could even react, he lifted your shirt. “The binding sports bra, really? Babe, your ribs are bruised. Please take it off.”

Seungmin

“Let’s go to the pool!” He yelled, arms thrown in the air with joy. “Okay, but I’m not getting in.” You laughed at his excitement, following him outside. “Why not? It’s almost forty degrees and you’re sat there in a shirt and trousers..” He trailed off, looking at the guilty expression on your face. “You have it on, don’t you?” His smile dropped, coming over to feel your back. “Take it off.” He demanded, concern in his tone. “No questions, I’m not letting you injure yourself any further.” He unclipped it, kissing the back of your neck to let you know he wasn’t mad.

Jeongin

“Ah, I missed you!” He flopped on top of you, earning a yelp of pain erupt from your mouth. “Sorry, that was quite harsh wasn’t it?” He giggled, noticing you rubbing your ribs. “Is that what I think it is?” He pointed as you nodded. “Jeongin, I’m fine. Please drop it.” You begged, not wanting any friction tonight. “No, I won’t. You’re hurting yourself and not taking proper care. If you won’t, then I will. You’re my partner and I love you.”

[sax-haver]

I am a crystal figurine. The finest quartz, perfect clarity, glimmering on a shelf somewhere for you to look at me. I don’t have feelings. If I did I might crack and you wouldn’t want to look at me anymore. If I did you might grab hold of me and smash me into the ground where I would shatter into a million tiny pieces and I would never be myself again. Feelings exist somewhere outside of me, where they can’t crush me under their immense and unyielding presence. I would never fall victim to a stress fracture. I am here to look pretty. I am here to look impressive. Don’t I look impressive?

[canaryomenharbinger]

A small shot in the dark: Number 24 and the cardinal alliance members? And if you're comfortable with OCs, number 50 and my OC Jazzy?

(To give you an idea of Jazzys personality, he's an African American nightclub owner from NYC in the 70s! He's loyal, kind, and protective of the people he cares about, as well as being a fun person to hang around)

Np for any of this! Have a good day :]

Keeping it to one, per post, so I'll do the Cardinal Alliance one :]

Bitter Water

The terrible fire of old regret is honey on my tongue // I know I shouldn't love you, but I do…

The Cardinal Alliance is fragile, and they know that. But they didn’t expect everything to go so horribly wrong so fast.

Of course they were expecting to be broken up when they turned red. Of course they were! This was a death game, after all.

But, well… maybe, secretly, they believed it wouldn’t happen to them. Maybe in some deep part of their minds, they truly hoped that they would win, together. Like intact glass in a tornado, unbroken despite the horrifying odds.

The first chips in the glass started to show the moment Ides gave up his life. 

He wasn’t thinking, wasn’t considering the consequences and possibilities. His dramatic side had taken over, and although he didn’t know it at the time, it cost them everything.

Less than a minute later, Lexi was yellow too, and the chips became cracks, four hairline points of weakness displaying their vulnerability to all. They were all yellow now.

Lexi died again, and the cracks widened, threatening to fracture their hope into a million tiny pieces, but they could still save her! They could still-

Di refused to give the life, and the glass shattered, a corner falling away into nothingness.

The Cardinal Alliance’s hope disappeared with it.

[deliriumsdelight7]

Spotify wrapped Rumbelle, 12 (for episode 12: skin deep 😉)

Ooh, nice one! This song actually is in my Rumbelle playlist, which is probably how it got so much play time.

It all came down to her eyes.

The first time his eyes met hers, Belle had just broken a cup from his finest teaset. Cringing, she’d looked up at him from the floor…

…and lied to his face when she said the chipped rim was hardly noticeable. Her temerity had so amused him that he hadn’t even thought to punish her.

Then there was the day she’d attacked his curtains, pulling so hard at them that she slipped and plummeted from the ladder, falling in the darkness to bring him into the light.

He’d caught her, of course. How could he do anything else? His body had moved with an instinct he didn’t even know he had, darting underneath her to save her from an impact with the cruel, unyielding stone floors.

As they stared into one another’s eyes, he was struck by the heat in hers - twin flames of desire and longing. It was a look he’d seen many times before, but never for him.

That was the second time he’d saved her - first from the ogres, then from the effects of gravity - but it was the first time she saved him. From loneliness, from isolation, from the darkness that seethed in the very marrow of his bones.

And in return, he’d hurt her. So many lies, so many evasions, so many tiny betrayals that added up over time. Seeing the disappointment in her pale blue eyes had hurt worse than tearing his own heart out of his chest. But together, they pulled through. Together, they learned how to be brave.

And then the day came when her eyes closed forever. And he knew, with a certainty, that he would never see her again. His heart shattered into a million tiny pieces when his wife breathed her last. He’d pieced it together as best he could, but there would always be a missing piece. An emptiness, a hole.

A chip.

But, even chipped and blackened as it was, his heart served well enough to save the life of an enemy turned friend. And as Rumpelstiltskin wandered the gray nothingness of purgatory, a voice called out to him, and a light shone in the darkness.

Belle’s light guided him home, as it always had. And as his eyes met hers, his fractured, blackened heart became whole once more.

[qualitydiamblog]

Unveiling the Splendor of Natural Diamond Crystals: Nature's Masterpiece

Diamonds have captivated human fascination for centuries. Their brilliance, rarity, and enduring beauty make them the ultimate symbol of luxury and love. While most of us are familiar with the polished, faceted diamonds adorning jewelry, the journey of a diamond begins long before it reaches the jeweler's hands. Deep within the Earth's crust, natural diamond crystals form under intense pressure and heat, creating breathtaking marvels of nature.

Natural diamond crystals are born from carbon atoms arranged in a unique crystal lattice structure. They are formed deep within the Earth's mantle, typically at depths of 150 to 200 kilometers, where extreme heat and pressure transform carbon into the hardest material known to man. Over millions, even billions, of years, these crystals slowly make their way to the surface through volcanic eruptions, carried within rocks known as kimberlites and lamproites.

Each natural diamond crystal is a testament to the Earth's geological history, bearing the scars of its journey to the surface. These crystals can vary significantly in size, shape, and color, reflecting the diverse conditions under which they formed. Some diamonds emerge as octahedrons, with eight symmetrical faces, while others take on more complex shapes like cubes, dodecahedrons, or even irregular forms. The color of a diamond is influenced by impurities present during its formation, ranging from the purest white to vibrant hues of yellow, blue, pink, and beyond.

One of the most remarkable characteristics of natural diamond crystals is their internal structure, often marked by inclusions and imperfections known as "nature's fingerprints." These imperfections, such as minerals trapped within the crystal lattice or tiny fractures, give each diamond its unique identity, like a signature from the depths of the Earth. While some inclusions may detract from a diamond's clarity, others enhance its beauty, creating mesmerizing patterns known as "diamond birthmarks."

Beyond their aesthetic allure, natural diamond crystals hold scientific significance, offering valuable insights into the Earth's deep geological processes. By studying the composition and structure of diamonds, geologists can unravel the mysteries of our planet's formation and evolution over billions of years.

In conclusion, natural diamond crystals are not merely exquisite gemstones but also windows into the Earth's ancient past. Their formation is a testament to the forces of nature, shaping these precious treasures over vast stretches of time. Whether admired in a museum specimen or cherished in a piece of jewelry, each natural diamond crystal is a marvel of nature's craftsmanship, reminding us of the Earth's enduring beauty and complexity.

[jellyghost14]

“With every loss I had suffered, my soul had fractured into millions of tiny pieces, and I made Blackburne feel every sting of every broken shard.”

What happens next is really gross c:

My MC, Skye, taking down the bad guy in the climax of my paranormal adventure story about ghosts with swords ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[profictionism]

Carrying

Take a step. One, two, three. Try to breathe. Take another. Feel your feet sinking in the mud. Four, five, six. Don’t falter, don’t you dare let go of the burden you are carrying. As you try to balance it all while treading through the monsoon, there is the feeling of being crushed, being compacted like matter into a black hole. Your identity, lately so fragile, is being obliterated into millions of tiny pieces. You want so desperately to let it fall to the ground and run screaming through the trees towards the mountains in the sun. Yet the cargo you are carrying is priceless, precious. To drop it would mean the destruction of your soul and you know that as beautiful as the mountains appear, as lovely as the sun will feel on your face, you cannot be free. There is only the ceaseless walking. The unending carrying of everything, of everyone, you love. 

I was thirteen years old when I realized my main purpose in life would be to be there for my mother. My father abandoned her in a way I never could. I dedicated my life right then and there and signed it away on the dotted line. I am now thirty-two years old and my life has transpired in ways I did not expect but should have seen coming. My sense of self, my identity has been blurred between hers and mine. I am no longer Alex. I am my mother’s son. And so I carry her. 

Last December, my maternal grandmother fell down a few stairs and fractured her spine. As soon as that transpired, I knew I had to add her to the weight I was carrying. So, without thinking, without taking a second to even consider my own needs, I picked her up.

Now her husband, my grandfather, is fighting against kidney cancer. I am trying so desperately to carry him as well. I am trying to add him to the weight on my back. But like rain from the sky, spoons are spilling from my hands and I cannot form a tight enough grip. I can feel things starting to unravel. I am so desperately tired. It has been almost twenty years since I signed my life away. The contract, lost to the ages, is binding and cannot be taken back. I am sinking beneath their collective weight and if I don’t find a way to lessen the load I am carrying, I will drown. 

I have never wanted to be my father. His selfishness in leaving was something I always abhorred. I could not accept or condone it. Still, I am beginning to wonder when selfishness turns into self-preservation. I have spent the past month praying that my grandfather would make it through his diagnosis unscathed. I could not fathom a world in which he did not exist. But I cannot carry him. I cannot carry any of them. Not anymore. So, I need someone to rescue me. I need someone to come pick them up. Because if I try to save myself, I know I will break the contract, I will become my father, and I will never forgive myself. 

Take a step. Seven, eight, nine. The mud turns into quicksand. What was once a slow sinking turns into a total collapse. You are neck-deep and seconds remain. Ten, eleven, twelve. The clock stops ticking. Time is out. You have ceased to exist and, by extension, so have they. Failure has never been so bittersweet. 

-AE

[pinacoladassmau]

27 🍹

Stede finished the tie, knotting it gently across Ed’s collarbone, before stepping back to admire his handiwork.

“There you go. Like I said, you wear it well.”

Ed’s fingers traced over the meticulous folds and lines of the silk. “Am I a fancyman too, now?” He asked.

“I think you might be.” Stede mused, his hand moving to rest on his chin; a place it didn’t stay for long as a woman joined them by the bar, sidling up to Stede’s side.

She was a small, petite thing; with blunt cut bangs, chocolate hair and a pointed but not unkind stare. Ed would have described her as a swan or a gazelle, yet there was a quiet intensity that didn’t suit either. Next to Stede’s ridiculous get up, her baby blue dress looked particularly understated; accessorised only by a simple brown belt cinched at the waist and-

And Stede’s hand. Stede’s hand on her hip.

Ed’s heart dropped in an instant; the electric, intoxicating feeling of Stede’s touch evaporating immediately as his mouth went dry and his head buzzed painfully and his body grew cold.

“You must be Edward,” She smiled politely, nestling into Stede like she belonged there (Ed supposed she did) “I’ve heard all about you.” And I’ve heard nothing about you, Ed thought, bitterly (hating that he was so). The silence that followed was thick, palpable; so dense one could have cut it with a knife.

When Ed continued to say nothing, Stede jumped in, attempting to salvage the interaction.

“Yes! Mary, this is Ed.” Stede introduced, gesturing towards him. Ed. God he felt sick. Hadn’t he been happy a minute ago? “Edward, this is my wife, Mary.” His hand moved gently to the small of her back, and Ed wanted to scream and scream and scream.

Wife.

Maybe he wanted to cry instead; to fall to his knees and sob and weep like a small, mewling child.

Wife.

Or maybe he’d fling himself into the roiling, unforgiving Pacific Ocean, letting the sea salt and brine and waves wash away the hollow, unjust ache that had found a new, tender, wounding home inside his naive chest.

Wife.

God, he’d do anything, anything if it meant not feeling like this.

Ed had never wanted an old fashioned more in his life.

Stede Bonnet had a wife.

Of course he was fucking married.

“You work together, right?” Mary asked, as though nothing was wrong. As though she hadn’t unwittingly shattered Ed into a million tiny fractured pieces. As though she hadn’t stepped on his rose coloured glasses as soon as she’d arrived, pressing against Stede in all the ways Ed craved, but now understood he’d never have.

“Um, kinda. Work adjacent to each other, I guess.” Ed said tersely, not entirely sure how he was grinding out any words at all.

“And you made the cake? It looks lovely.”

“No, I- my friend Roach made it. Should check him out if you’re ever in Compton, he owns a bakery. Not that you’d ever be in Compton- Would you excuse me?” Ed asked, releasing himself from this hellish conversation of small talk and unspoken truths, walking off without waiting for a response.

—-

Stede found Edward sometime later, hiding away in his study, perusing his impressive library-esque collection of books as Ed returned his copy of The Beautiful and the Damned. “Two souls are sometimes created together—and in love before they're born” Gloria had said. It settled over Ed with a great, heavy melancholy; a once sweet, sentimental quote turned bitter and ashy on his tongue. Was Mary that for Stede? Were they in love, before they were born?

“There you are!” Stede exclaimed, half-breathless, half-relieved as hell entered the room. Ed didn’t look away from the bookcase.

“Here I am.” He said numbly.

“Are you okay?” Stede joined him, his soft warmth radiating beside him. Ed hated the gentle care in his voice. How could one man be so considerate and inconsiderate all at once?

“Yeah. Needed a breather. ‘M just not good at these things, man.” Ed half-lied; dancing, flitting around the truth. “You didn’t tell me you had a wife.” He tacked on, trying to sound as casual and noncommittal as possible.

“I- it never came up.”

“I know your favourite colour is blue but your wife didn’t come up?” Ed laughed, an empty, vacant laugh.

Stede was quiet. Ed could feel him fidgeting nervously next to him, wringing his hands like wet cloth.

“I was… afraid.” That was…not the answer he was expecting. “We got married so young. Basically as soon as we graduated. I suppose I never mentioned it, because I didn’t want you to think less of me. For having a highschool sweetheart shotgun wedding.”

Ed turned to him, and fuck was that a mistake. Stede looked so devastatingly soft, and so devastatingly unsure.

“What part of me makes you think I’d ever judge you, Stede?” He asked, brows furrowing.

“I- god, you’re right. I’m sorry Edward, you’re lovely, of course you wouldn’t have- I should have known-” Edward ignored the lovely and held up a hand to stop Stede’s apologetic rambling.

“It’s fine, mate. Caught me off guard is all.” Ed lied and Stede’s shoulders visibly relaxed.

—-

Ed spent what felt like an extended eternity in that study, surrounded by Stede and Stede’s things and Stede’s books. But he had to rejoin reality eventually, so he slunk out of the room many many minutes after Stede had exited to host his own party; careful to the outskirts of the already former social circles.

He had no desire to join any conversations, but the talk he overheard was interesting enough.

“ Did you hear about the embezzlement? How pedestrian. ”

“ I heard a rumor that he was sleeping with his second cousin. His cousin! Could you imagine?”

“ You simply have to visit France in the Winter. It’s divine. Never did quite develop a taste for snail, though.”

“You’re positively glowly. When are you due? Not that you’re showing my dear!”

“ November. A thanksgiving baby, if all goes well.” It was Mary’s voice, pleasant and polite and gracious. She smiled courteously at an older woman, nursing a chilled glass of water— no wine, no liquor, no cocktails, not with a child on the way.

Ed wasn’t sure what he’d expected. That’s what married couples did, right? Buy a home, build a family. Fancyman was as nuclear as they came, it should have been no surprise that he’d want the traditional perfect job, perfect house, perfect 2.5 kids. And yet— it still stung.

Fuck did sting; a thousand tiny wounds eating, chipping, slicing away at Ed’s heart. A heart he had thought had found love. But, as he was learning, it was a tainted and dark and painful kind of love. An unrequited kind of love. A dangerous kind of love.

And still, Ed couldn’t bear to let it go.

Even if-

Stede Bonnet’s wife was pregnant.

Start here 🍹

[is-emily-real]

scream (until your lungs give out)

the prequel

“How much longer do we have to do this?” 

Eddie was tired. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t eat. He’d spent so long in this limbo between life and death, between a ghost and a dream, between loved and mourned. For a long time, all he could do was sit and watch. 

His friends continued on, uncertain futures ahead of them as they tried to remain ahead of the horrors that chased them. Hawkins continued on, shakily rebuilding the foundations that had so easily collapsed under the weight of more than it could comprehend. The world continued on, oblivious to the suffering that lay right below its surface. 

“How much longer?” he’d ask, and go unanswered.

For the longest, Vecna was content just to let him watch time pass him by, happy to enact his sadistic desires on those whose minds he’d kept trapped in the Upside Down with him, their bodies wasting away in hospital beds and motel rooms, saline and heroin pumping through their veins to help them cope. 

Then that wasn’t enough. Then he found new victims, those he could bend to his will, march around like toy soldiers and destroy without mercy.

Then he found Eddie, in all his unending misery.

Oh, did misery love company.

It wasn’t fun to torture Eddie, he’d said. He was a sad child, broken and cynical since a youth fraught with hardship and suffering. So he turned loose those he’d held on to, choosing instead to dig through Eddie’s memories, find the common denominators among the ones that had a sliver of happiness and distill them into the sharpest knife he could.

To drive it through Eddie, he turned it on Steve.

He’d called it mere opportunity, but Eddie knew differently. The rest were too supported to break, had too many scaffolds in place to stop the dread and terror from creeping in and eating away at their stability. 

Steve only had Robin.

The visions were enough. It was hard enough to watch Steve go through so much pain, so much fear. He’d tried to wheedle and coax him through the worst of it, but there was always this imposed disconnect. He’d gotten tired. He’d given up.

“How much longer?”

And then, Vecna found something new. He found that, with the right pressure, he could push Eddie into trying again.

He’d made him see Steve’s vision. 

He found Eddie’s breaking point.

Steve was cracking, his support systems slipping, and it fractured Eddie into a million tiny pieces. He’d always had a talent for indignation, and it frothed so harsh in his chest, biting at the shreds that remained of his belief until he screamed.

He screamed, and something changed.

Vecna flinched when Robin did. If he could push to the point of breaking, so could Eddie. 

It frustrated him to no end to see that same disbelief on the Party’s faces. They had lived through so many disturbing events, so many hushed losses, and when Steve and Robin shared their tiny piece of hope in that perfectly manicured living room, they looked ready to quash it. The rage took over him, filled him with crimson until he had to let the energy out on something. He picked up an antique vase and threw it.

When it shattered, Eddie learned that fury was a weapon.

Wide eyes turned first to the girl he never met. She turned hers to him, and she smiled. “He’s alive,” she declared, “and he’s here.”

That was all the authority they needed. They began to plan their attack, consolidating years of experience with the unnatural to learn exactly where to drive the wedge that would let them slip through the cracks and back into the Upside Down. They planned to finish this once and for all.

He tried hard not to listen. While he was stuck in limbo, he was part of the neural network. Unable to completely hijack his nervous system, Vecna retained insight into his senses and thoughts. Eddie kept himself outside, preferring the hammering of the cold spring rain to the bitter taste of betrayal.

He fought temptation hard. Vecna forced onto him visions of every sweet moment he’d ever dreamed of, of things he didn’t know he needed until now. 

A girl with Steve’s smile jumped into his arms, called him Dada and giggled so sweetly as he spun her around. She led him through the summer sun and up the steps to the front door, where Steve stood, the brightest smile on his face. He was this close to following them inside until a moment of doubt struck him still.

This wasn’t his. This was a dream for a nice woman, someone who could make Steve happy and give him all the things he wanted in this life. All Eddie could give him was misery. 

Sobs escaped his chest, the tears hot and angry as he mourned something he never had. It was a hot iron piercing his heart and rooting him to the spot. Why did it hurt so damn bad? It wasn’t real. Why did this one break him?

Steve opened the door, hushed excuses tossed over his shoulder as he slipped out onto the porch. He took a seat on the porch swing and closed his eyes. 

“You know, you spend so long trying to live up to an ideal. I wanted to be who everybody needed me to be, and I just, I couldn’t do it anymore. I can’t hide me for everyone else’s sake. So I told Robin, and she got it. Pissed her off I didn’t tell her sooner, but she understood keeping secrets.

“Then Vecna happened, and it all went to shit. I had to be the hero again. The kids needed that. You needed that. So I squashed all my feelings and that’s who I became. I thought, ‘It’s just a stupid crush. I can leave it be for now, this isn’t the time to act on it.’ But I had to be the hero. I just had to give you a bit of courage, and you went and died on me.

“I always wondered why you weren’t there. All the awful things he made me see, and you were never in any of them. The one I actually lost. And there was this nagging feeling that I’d left behind something important when we came back to the surface. I just thought it was grief, like everybody else. But it wasn’t. Thank Christ. Now I’m not leaving it unsaid.”

“How…” Eddie whimpered, mind racing.

“How do you know this is real? I don’t think you can. You just have to trust me.” His eyes were open now, staring without recognition, a small smile gracing his lips.

“I don’t know if I can.” Eddie felt something approaching him, but he couldn’t look, transfixed by overwhelming hazel and the pounding of his heart.

“Please, Eds. Please trust me.”

“Okay,” he breathed, mere moments before something whip-thin and slimy wrapped around his ankle and pulled him down. He yelped, scrabbling at the wood, praying for just a bit of purchase but finding none. “Steve, help!”

“Get to the lab,” he said, panic in his voice. “We’ll try to get through there!”

Eddie managed to roll over, catching sight of the dark crack in the lawn. Vines stretched forth, weaving around his limbs as it sucked him in. Vecna’s laughter boomed like thunder as the storm clouds above crackled with red electricity. He twisted for one last look at Steve.

“I’ll get you out of there, baby, I promise.”

The mass consumed him, dragging him through to the Upside Down. 

Fire filled his veins. He clawed at the vines, raging against his bonds until they freed him. Fuck this place. That barbecued motherfucker wanted him insane? Fine. Fucking perfect. Here he was, stark raving mad and itching to destroy.

He stalked through the dim forest for what seemed like eternity. The vines slithered out of his warpath, cognizant of the damage done to their brethren. He was coming apart at the seams. Steve was right at his fingertips, and this asshole took him away and kept him secret for months, used him as a piece of bait to get his friends back into danger. He wanted the girl, and they were just collateral damage.

Eddie would show him what collateral fucking damage looked like.

The chain link fence crumbled under his hands. The trees gave way to broken asphalt and withered grass. He stopped, chest heaving as he considered his options.

Enter a building he didn’t know and try to find something.

Hide and wait for that something to find him.

Cause a scene.

Eddie liked the third option. He’d always been good at making himself the center of attention. It’d gotten him chewed on the first time, but hey, what’s the harm in trying again? 

He crawled on top of an abandoned car. “Hey, crispy dick!” he shouted, arms outstretched for emphasis. “Come out and play!”

Silence.

He stomped the roof once, twice. “What? Big man get his fucking feelings hurt by a teenage girl? You already killed me once! Try it again!”

There, chittering in the distance.

“Sending your flying rats? How original. Too much of a coward to face me in person!”

A cold voice sounded from behind him. “You annoy me.” 

He turned to find a burned form approaching and grinned despite himself. “That’s the name of the game, sugar.”

“Your friends won’t find you.”

“They’ll find you. Just gotta follow the smell of smoke and asshole.”

“It’d be so easy to give up. You could save them the heartbreak.”

He laughed, humorless. “You already broke their hearts, remember? Put poor Red in a coma and everything. But you wouldn’t know what that feels like, ‘cause Mommy and Daddy didn’t hug you enough for you to develop a sense of empathy.”

“You people and your empathy. What has it ever done except make you miserable?” He stretched a clawed hand toward Eddie. “I make it all go away.”

He swatted it away. “That’s murder, not mercy.”

“Mere semantics. I could make your precious Steve happy again, like I did for Chrissy.”

“Chrissy is dead thanks to you,” he spat, the words bitter on his tongue. “ You took her chance at happiness away.” Vecna frowned. Eddie felt something creeping in his head, sliding against his brain as if on glass. “ You took me away from Wayne and Steve and Dustin. Everything good I had, you took away. You made Jason hunt me like a fucking animal.”

“You know you didn’t have a chance. The world would have eaten you alive.”

The feeling in his head retracted as his temper flared. “Well, guess what, dickbag? I’m not the only one out of chances.” He launched himself at Vecna.

Vecna was tall, but he’d had the high ground. He used it to shove him off his feet and send him crashing to the pavement. Eddie landed on top of him and swung. He had thrown very few punches in his life, but none of them landed as solidly as this one. Talons dug into his shoulder as he hit again and again, determined to turn Vecna into a puddle on the pavement. 

Vecna flung him off. His head knocked against the car’s fender. Ears ringing, he managed to stand, only to be pinned down by the neck. The fear that had long abandoned him came rushing in like the tide as the air was slowly squeezed from his lungs.

He clawed weakly at the hand around his throat, desperate for any leeway. He was sure he’d die this time, and being choked out was not the way he wanted to go. Those awful tendrils began to drill into his brain. “Where are your friends now?” Vecna hissed.

Where were his friends? Did he mistime it? Would they even be able to get to him?

Steve promised. Steve got his hopes up, called him baby, and promised . 

Now, that was agony.

Pain shot through him as his spirit broke. He’d put on such a brave face, only to be abandoned in the final inning. His vision started to go black at the edges. He struggled for a last cry of despair, but there was nothing left.

“Let. Him. Go.”

It was the girl, her curls like a halo around her head, arm outstretched as if to drag them away. She had company. 

Steve was a man of his word, it seemed.

The fingers around his throat loosened, allowing him a gasp of sweet, sweet air before he hit the ground. He felt a sharp pop in his ribs and tasted too much blood for his liking, but he was alive.

“Eleven,” Vecna rasped. “Impetuous as always.”

“That’s enough.” She glared, blood running from her nose as she and Vecna locked into a battle of wills.

He never saw the tire iron in Steve’s hands.

He darted forward and swung it hard, planting it firmly in Vecna’s chest. It broke his concentration for just a moment, and then the demobats were closing in, screeching a hellish sound as they sought familiar prey.

Not this time. Eddie wouldn’t be ripped away from life again, ripped away from the glimmering future that was his to hope for. He summoned all his anger and hatred, every shit card he’d ever been dealt and every horrible taunt thrown his way, and he screamed. 

It split open the bite marks in his sides, burning like alcohol in his lungs as he let everything left of him out.

It made Vecna pause.

It was killing him, he was sure, but it gave Steve time to slam the tire iron into Vecna’s knee, forcing him to the ground as Eleven overpowered him. His skin began to split, turning to ribbons as she pulled the heart from his chest. With one last yell, she squeezed.

A great flash of light shot over the landscape as the heart disintegrated, burning out with the heat of a dying star. Around them, hundreds of demobats plummeted to the earth like meteors. A final whimper sounded as the last vestiges of Vecna’s reign ended. 

Then, finally, silence.

Eddie was enveloped in warmth before he could get his bearings. “You’re alive,” Steve whispered, voice cracking.

He squeezed back as tight as he could, ignoring the protest from his ribs. “You’re here.”

A weak cough sounded behind them. He let go reluctantly to find the girl swaying on her feet, looking utterly exhausted. Steve scooped her into his arms without a second thought. “Shit, we gotta go. Can you walk?” 

“I think so.” Steve nodded and beckoned him to follow. They picked their way to the lab through corpses and broken pavement, each step sending a jolt through his chest. “The kids were right about their friend with superpowers,” he said.

“Yeah, Jane’s great. She’s saved our asses a couple of times.”

He let the quiet drift in the still air and let his mind race. He felt lighter than he had since the first attack, but paranoia lingered. Every few steps, he’d look back, watching for the slightest twitch. He saw none.

Would that fear stay with him for the rest of his life? He’d noticed the kids get wary when the lights flickered, and he saw how jumpy Nancy had been over the past few years. She’d turned from bright to grim on a dime. Was that all that was in store for him?

He stopped at the doors to the lab, turning again to scour the landscape one final time. Steve lightly bumped his shoulder, soft encouragement in his eyes. “Eds, it’s over. It’s okay. Let’s go home.”

Home. The thought sunk deep in the pit of his stomach. He was going home. 

He blinked away tears. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

He made it three steps out of the Lovecraftian horror that was the gate before he got ambushed. “Eddie!” a chorus of voices shouted, jostling to be the first to him. Dustin won, hugging him tight.

There was no stopping the waterworks. Eddie let himself be a blubbering mess as each kid got their turn to ensure he was there in the flesh.

Max noticed his wounds first. “Lucas, bandages, right now,” she snapped. The lightheadedness overtook him, and he reeled as they led him out of the room. He rested his eyes for just a moment as they wrapped him up.

He woke up somewhere unfamiliar. He heard monitors beeping as he cracked open an eye. The hand in his was warm. He gave it a squeeze.

“Hey,” Steve breathed.

“Hey,” he croaked. His sides still hurt, but the sheer exhaustion that was weighing him down had faded to a general tiredness.

Steve ran a hand down his face and chuckled nervously. “Thought we lost you again.”

“Not me, baby. Mister Indestructible.” He wanted to hear that bubbly laughter every time he woke up. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

He tugged on Steve’s hand, drawing him closer. “Did you mean what you said? Back then, on the porch?”

“Every word.” Eddie melted at the brilliant smile that was all for him. 

“Good.” He leaned forward, using all his strength to close the gap between his lips and Steve’s.

Fire crashed into him like a wave, not the harsh burning of anger that he’d become so accustomed to, but a warmth that made every nerve sing, made him feel like each inch of his skin was glowing. He was alive again, believed in, cared for. An angel was at his bedside, kissing him like there was no tomorrow, and hell, maybe there wasn’t. But right now, he had the world at his fingertips. The joy was incomprehensible.

He pulled away when one of the monitors sounded an alarm, grinning like a fool. “So when’s our first date?”

Steve’s laughter worked hard to erase all his terrible memories. He tried to write it on his skin so he could play it over and over. “Dude, we are so far past first date territory.”