#free will yes but also time is a fickle thing for a reason

[timeconqueror]

Victor says he can do his own choices but TVA is purpose-built to be ruled by him for him so I really hope we see him try to fight against the current but end up slotting into the role HWR deigned for him anyways

[strawberrypinky]

all your loving (all or nothing) pt. 1 - a. sharp x reader

for the longest time, aesop sharp was absolutely certain that he must have eradicated an entire civilisation in his past life, as there was no other possible explanation for the sheer torture in found himself in. but as the months went on and the weather became warmer, and the flowers were blooming again, he found himself believing that retribution was possible – even for someone like him.

or: aesop sharp is an idiot in love with a breeding kink and this escalated in ways i can never speak of.

A/N: Right. What was supposed to be a simple, short, smutty one shot, escalated into this. Do I have regrets? Yeah - a lot of them. Am I still posting this? Absolutely. I blame @legacygirlingreen for enabling me, but I also thank her for the endless support she's given me throughout. M; you are the best 💚

To everyone else reading this; I have never written 'x Reader' before, so please give me some grace for trying 🙏🏻

FYI: (Y/N) - Your Name (Y/L/N) - Your Last Name (Y/E/C) - Your Eye Colour (Y/H/C) - Your Hair Colour

CW (here we go): Fluff, Romance, Idiots in Love, Miscommunication, Pining, Age Difference (Aged up Main Character), Canon Divergence (bc I can't stand to kill Fig off), Spoiler Alert for Hogwarts Legacy, Implied Hufflepuff MC (not specified), Porn with Plot, Smut (18+, MDNI) - for part 2 (lord, forgive me): Loss of Virginity, Breeding Kink, Impregnation, Overstimulation, Praise Kink, Size Kink

Word Count (Part 1): 16k (yes - this escalated)

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48482581/chapters/122292907

Aesop Sharp was sure that he must have eradicated an entire civilisation in his past life. 

There was simply no other explanation for the sheer torture he continuously found himself in. 

He thought Scarborough Harbour and the curse in his leg might have been penance - the pain and guilt certainly served as a constant reminder of his misdeeds in this life, as if he could ever forget about them in the first place. His partner, his best friend, had died because of an oversight in judgement (one he had made), and the woman he thought he was going to marry ended things as soon as it became clear that he would be crippled for life. 

Losing his job (one he had tirelessly worked for his entire youth) was simply the cherry on top.

He supposed he was lucky when he ended up in Hogwarts, of all places. Although he had never been one to stick to the rules in his time as a schoolboy, Aesop was a surprisingly studious pupil (he had to be if he truly wanted to become an Auror) and loved the school nonetheless. Potions was among his best subjects, right after Defence Against the Dark Arts, and even if it hadn't been his dream career, he liked it fine. It was certainly far more engaging than being confined behind a desk at the Ministry, looking at applications and deciding which hot-headed and possibly egotistical graduate he would send into the field, perhaps even subjecting them to a fate like his own (or worse). 

His second career came with quite a few benefits, too, such as free room and board, fantastic meals (Aesop loathed cooking) and unlimited access to the Restricted Section - a place he had searched relentlessly for a cure or at least a treatment better to the one he currently received. And he could look out for his students, the Aurors of tomorrow, too. He might have been the reason his partner had died, and he might never be able to make that right. But, at the very least, he could ensure that his students would not make the same mistakes he did, lest saving them from the regret and suffering he endured daily. Some of them were brighter than others, of course. He didn't think himself to be horridly unfair. Strict, yes. He had to be; potions were fickle things, after all. But certainly not unfair. 

If anything, Aesop would've described himself as quite reasonable most times.

There were, of course, students he had to be particularly strict with. Students such as Garreth Weasley. 

The boy had been a royal pain in Aesop's arse from the second those ginger locks appeared in his classroom in the Autumn of 1885, and he continued to be one up until his graduation. Garreth Weasley wasn't stupid - far from it. He was actually quite brilliant if he tried to apply himself, which was rarely the case, but it had (much to Aesop's chagrin) been enough to qualify him for the NEWT level class. Matilda had apologised over and over, though as the years passed, the apologies always seemed to be accompanied by a small grin, possibly because Garreth's...creative...concoctions in school relieved the Weasley Household of their unfortunate duty of having to try them.

Other students were even less forgettable - although for entirely different reasons. 

(Y/N) (Y/L/N) had been an enigma from the moment she timidly trailed behind their illustrious Headmaster into the Great Hall, late, looking as pale as a ghost. Scrap that. The girl had been an enigma from the second the Book of Admittance spat out her name - four years too late. Suddenly the teachers had found themselves in the precarious situation of what to do with a fifteen-year-old who had no prior understanding of magic but was to start at Hogwarts mere four months later. Eventually, their colleague Eleazar Fig had been sent to tutor the poor girl to at least try to get her up to speed, but Aesop would have been the first to admit that he did not have high hopes. He was pleasantly surprised when the girl was incredibly adept at magic. She had bested other top students on her first day, not to mention taken down a troll in Hogsmeade, and she was nothing short of talented at potions too. He remembered her first lesson vividly; she had brewed a perfect Wiggenweld and a perfect Edurus. 

Miss (Y/L/N) continued to be an exemplary student, both inside and outside of the potions classroom. Any (extra) assignments had always been handed in on time, she picked up spells like magic was second nature to her, and she was overall an absolute joy to be around. Her peers likely would have said the same. Various rumours followed her, and though most of them were concerning, Aesop did not think that a new student (no matter how talented) would actually be taking down entire Poacher and Goblin camps. He had suspected that her heroic escape from the dragon and her Hogsmeade adventure let some students become a little too imaginative. How wrong he had been.  

Aesop still remembered the February afternoon it all came crashing down. Eleazar Fig had stormed into the teacher's room after summoning them with a note that said the matter was of 'utmost importance' and no matter how many years Aesop had spent in the field, nothing would have prepared him for the reality of what he was about to be faced with. Not only had the girl, in fact, taken down Poacher Camps. No. She had been fighting an entire Goblin Rebellion, taken down both Theophilus Harlow and various operations of Victor Rookwood and (as if that hadn't been enough) she apparently wielded Ancient Magic, completed a set of trials that were meant to lead her to some grand mystery the rebellion leader - Ranrok - was also after and was now preparing to take said Goblin down. If the situation hadn't been so dire, Aesop was sure that Matilda Weasley would have chewed Eleazar Fig apart right then and there for his carelessness in hiding something like this. But when the teachers apparated into the caverns below Hogwarts, they didn't have time to dwell on any of it. 

By some miracle, the young witch had done it. She had saved the entire school though it had almost come at the expense of her life. 

When he, Matilda, Dinah, Abraham and Mudiwa finally had taken care of the last of the goblins that had invaded the caverns, they descended further into them, only to discover what could be described as an utter wasteland, complete with a peculiar gigantic orb of magic, a gravely wounded and distraught Professor Fig and an unconscious, heavily bleeding (Y/N) (Y/L/N). 

When the young girl awoke in the Hospital Wing nearly two weeks later, she awoke a hero. 

Aesop could tell she was insanely uncomfortable. She was not someone who was looking for glory or people to sing her praises. She was just a girl who had done what had been asked of her, even if the task she had fulfilled should never have been hers to begin with. She passed her O.W.L.'s with flying colours (of course she had), and thankfully, after an extensive summer break, her life had calmed down significantly. She was able to spend her remaining two years at Hogwarts in peace, having fun with her friends and enjoying her classes. Nobody had been more proud of her than Eleazar himself when she graduated at the top of her class (right next to Amit Thakkar) three years ago.

That had been the last time Aesop had seen her.

He knew from Eleazar (who had pretty much turned into the girl's father) that she had been travelling the world with Poppy Sweeting, one of her closest friends from Hogwarts, to study various beasts and plants - A waste of talent if Aesop had ever seen any. With her skill set and her stellar grades, she would've done phenomenally in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but somehow he understood her desire to live a more peaceful life. If anything, he was somehow glad that she wasn't out there risking her life continually to save others. She had saved Wizardkind once. Now it was somebody else's turn. 

When Bai Howin, their resident Care of Magical Creatures Professor, announced her plans to retire last year, Aesop didn't think that (Y/N) (Y/L/N) would be the one taking over. She was just twenty (or perhaps twenty-one? He wasn't sure) and didn't seem like the type to enjoy teaching. 

But there she was in front of him, and he was sure that this was another way of punishing him.

She had never been ugly. In fact, from what he remembered, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) was quite the sight to behold. She certainly had no shortage of admirers during her time, even if he couldn't recall her courting anyone specifically. But the woman in front of him? She was downright ethereal.

Her long (Y/H/C) cascaded down her small shoulders and framed her small, heart-shaped face. Her lips were fuller and deliciously pink, stretched into a warm and bright smile that lit up her doe-like (Y/E/C) eyes with almost childish excitement. She was positively tiny; he easily towered over her, but Merlin was she beautiful. 

"Everyone, I am most pleased to welcome our newest addition to the staff. (Y/N) (Y/L/N) will be filling Bai's position the coming school year," Matilda announced with an equally bright smile at the staff's annual pre-term meeting on the 25th of August. From the corner of his eye, Aesop could see the proud smile Eleazar wore.

"Miss (Y/L/N)!" Abraham cheered, "How delightful to welcome you back to Hogwarts!" "Thank you, Professor Ronen," she smiled earnestly, "I'm so happy to be back." "Oh please," the jovial Slytherin jumped up, "It's Abraham now. We're colleagues, after all, are we not?" 

Aesop was sure he had never heard a giggle as heart-warming as hers. He scoffed internally. He wasn't some schoolboy with a silly crush. Get over yourself, Aesop!

"Very well then, Abraham," her eyes twinkling, "I'm (Y/N)." 

Aesop observed as the rest of the staff gathered around her, welcoming her back with just as much delight as Abraham and Matilda had done, and her smile only seemed to grow bigger. With a sigh, he got up himself and limped towards the group, his usual stern expression not giving a single hint as to what he was truly feeling. 

"Miss (Y/L/N)," he gruffly said as he came to a stop before her, "How nice to see you again." 

He did not think it possible for her smile to grow any bigger (seriously, her face must have hurt), but it did as her eyes took him in. 

"Professor Sharp!" (Y/N) chirped happily, "It's nice to see you again." 

He didn't know this, but he had been her favourite teacher throughout her short time at Hogwarts; his stern and keenly aware nature was calming to be around, and his classes were always interesting. There had been a time when she considered becoming a professional potioneer, but when the opportunity came up to study Beasts with Poppy, she simply couldn't say no. She had only been a witch for three years and barely knew what the Wizarding World had to offer. It was only natural that she wanted to go out and explore the world as she could honestly always choose a career a little later in life. When Eleazar had reached out to her a couple of months back to tell her that a position was opening up, she couldn't help but apply, and when Matilda (and Black) hired her, she was over the moon.

"As Abraham has said," Aesop cleared his throat, "We are colleagues now. You can call me Aesop." 

"I look forward to working with you, Aesop," (Y/N) nodded, her cheeks tinted pink as she quickly averted her gaze and struck up a conversation with Dinah instead.

Aesop barely saw her until the following week. All of them were busy preparing their lessons and classrooms, and he spent most of his days brewing to replenish his and the Hospital Wings potion supply. Given that she lived in the small hut on the grounds, he didn't really see her around the castle either, but she continued to be on his mind nonetheless. It was a pity, really. He had wondered how she had fared over the past three years and why exactly she had returned. It was unusual for witches and wizards her age to return to Hogwarts to teach of all things, but then again, she's been hardly usual in the first place. Aesop knew that Y/N would be one of his more familiar coworkers - Bai had supplied him with by-products of caring for the beasts, and he supposed (or rather hoped) that her successor would do the same. If anything, it made brewing that much cheaper when he didn't have to hop into Hogsmeade and pester and negotiate with Parry Pippin or Ellie Peck (their prices were quite atrocious at times). 

So when he was finishing up brewing some standard potions on the 1st of September and realised he was out of Unicorn Horn, Aesop decided that now was a good time as any to make the small trek towards the Beasts Classroom and hope that Y/N would somehow have some on hand. It was still early, and the weather was nice, sunny and warm, which helped Aesop's blasted leg tremendously. He knew the colder winter months would aggravate his leg further, but at least for now, he could enjoy his walk to the best of his abilities. 

He spotted her before she spotted him.

She was outside in one of the pens, brushing and petting the Kneazles that would surely serve as a lesson in the coming days, looking absolutely content. The sun was shining down on her, illuminating her skin and hair, which, unlike last time, was in an elaborate and fashionable updo which framed her face artfully. 

He stopped in front of the pen gates, simply observing the young woman who was entirely oblivious to his arrival. (Y/N) giggled happily as the Kneazles danced around her, desperate for her attention and happily purring whenever she offered them some. One of the older Kneazles cuddled up to her leg, flopping on its back and almost chirping, trying to get her attention.

"Now, now, Persephone," she chided as she turned her attention towards the needy Kneazle, "you've gotten plenty already. Leave some for the others." 

"I don't think they understand you," Aesop interrupted her, and he chuckled when she jumped and turned around with a bewildered expression.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked, her tone accusing. 

"Just a few minutes," he answered with a shrug. 

"Hmph."

He watched as she stood up, slowly rising from the dirt and dusting off her skirts. Her glare was accusing as she exited the pens, the Kneazles yapping. 

"For the record, they are incredibly wise. They certainly do understand me."

"Alright," he held up his hands in surrender, "I am not here to fight you on your Kneazles anyway." He hadn't known that she was overprotective, though if he remembered correctly, Miss Sweeting had been too. Perhaps he should have figured that the Hufflepuff would rub off on her.

"Is there anything I can help you with, Profe-," she stopped herself, clearing her throat, "I mean Aesop." 

Aesop... He liked the way his name sounded from her lips. It sounded almost like a reverent prayer.

He quickly cleared his throat himself, shaking his head to clear his thoughts before answering her.

"I was hoping you might have some spare Unicorn Horn? Bai usually provided me with by-products of her care, and I was rather hoping you would continue to offer." 

"Oh," she blushed, "Yes, of course. Come. I have some inside." 

As he followed her, he inevitably noticed how small the girl was. Even with his limp, he was no more than one step behind her - a highly unusual occurrence. 

What had been previously Bai's hut was now completely unrecognisable (not that he had been in there all too often). The rooms were previously quite barren, save for the few personal artefacts and curiosities. A bed, a desk, a closet... Nothing to write home about. Now, though, Aesop had stepped into what felt like an actual home.

The floor was now covered by plush and comforting carpets, which would surely provide additional warmth during the winter months. The walls were warm wood in some places, though covered by paintings and illustrations in others. The beehive fireplace in the corner held the remains of a slow flickering fire, and the eclectic pieces that littered the home did not match one another but were harmonious just the same. One of the armchairs in front of the fire looked worn and old, the other rather contemporary and the shelves to his right reminded him of some modern Parisian styles he had seen some time ago. Various artefacts and trinkets were scattered across the room; some Aesop recognised, others he absolutely didn't. A Potions Station was bubbling away to his left, a small stove with a stray kettle beside it. The entire hut smelled like fresh pastries and freshly pressed linen - comforting and homey just the same. 

"Whatever do you need a potions station for?" he asked as she fluttered around the room. 

"Oh, that," she answered him. "Call it a force of habit or simply a pastime. I used to brew a lot back in school, and I was mostly responsible for any concoctions when Poppy and I travelled. I suppose I haven't lived that down."  

Intrigued, he stepped up to the cauldron, trying to define the mixture by its smell and looks. 

"Bruisewort Balm," he concluded quickly, "Looks very satisfactory." The jump back into 'Professor Persona' was one that he had been all too used to, even if it had been around his newest colleague. 

(Y/N), however, blushed profusely. Potions had been her favourite class during her short time at Hogwarts, and Sharp's praise would always be special. His had to be earned (rightfully so), and that simply made it all the more satisfying. To hear him praise her years later made her chest fill with pride.

"I learned from the best," she offered, handing him a box which contained some Horns. "Antidote to Common Poisons, or did Madam Blainey run out of Blood Replenishing Potions?"  

Surprised, Aesop raised an eyebrow as he took the box from her hands. He hadn't expected her to be able to recall such information, even if it had been relevant in her NEWT exams once. 

"Antidote to Common Poisons," he confirmed, eyeing her beaming smile as his heart skipped a beat. Had her smile always been this pretty? 

"And you have everything else you need?" she offered, "I think I might have some Bezoars lying around in case you're out of them." 

"No, I have everything else," he grumbled, "I know you were a decent potioneer, but I must say I am surprised to hear you have retained that much information." 

"Decent?" she sounded affronted, "Wasn't I top of the class by the time I graduated?" 

"Perhaps." His grin was teasing; he enjoyed getting a rise out of her. "But even so, recalling ingredients is impressive. It has been a while, hasn't it been?" 

"You're awful," she puffed, crossing her arms in front of her like a petulant child. "And for the record, Potions was my favourite class. I even considered becoming a Potioneer or a Healer once."  

The words spilt from his mouth before he could stop himself. "And yet you decided to travel the world and study beasts? Enlighten me, Miss (Y/L/N)?" 

She bit her lip, causing a jolt of... something... coursing through him as she shrugged. 

"I supposed I had wanted to see the world. And I like Beasts; I hardly would've agreed to teach if I didn't. Before I was a witch, I was expected to be a wife. My sole purpose lay in providing children for my betrothed. When I suddenly had the freedom to decide what I wished to do, it was both overwhelming and exciting, and to see more of a world which was so foreign to me seemed like a grand idea at the time." She chuckled absentmindedly. "I apologise for rambling. I shall let you get back to preparing whatever it is you need to prepare."

"Oh, not at all," Aesop shook his head. "You are betrothed?" 

"I was. My parents were rather well off and paired me with a suitor they deemed worthy. When I came to Hogwarts, they..." she shuddered, remembering the final conversation she had had with them. "Let us just say that they weren't...eager to have their only daughter in a co-educational environment outside of their ascendancy." 

Merlin, suddenly Aesop wasn't surprised that Eleazar had taken the girl home after the events of her fifth year. She clearly did not have another one to return to. Aesop knew that, much like their pureblooded counterparts, muggles arranged marriages between their children in order to secure the most advantageous match possible. He also knew that muggles were even more traditional than wizards, though it surprised him to hear that a co-educational environment such as Hogwarts was deemed inappropriate enough to ruin a young woman's reputation. Most witches, especially those from better backgrounds (magical or not), held on to their maidenhood until marriage, much like muggle women did. Laying with a man who was not your husband was as inappropriate in the Wizarding World as it was in Muggle London, though, in all fairness, most Wizards (especially purebloods like Aesop himself) hardly ever followed that rule - nor were they expected to. And either way, Hogwarts itself had various... safety measures in place to ensure no such encounters would happen. 

Aesop found it doubtful that nobody would have been able to appease her family's concerns, though, at any rate, he supposed she was right. It left her able to make her own choice - something she deserved, especially after saving both the school and Wizardkind. Suddenly her decision made all the more sense, and he found himself almost pitying her circumstances.

"I'm sorry," he offered, though he knew it would scarcely be a consolation.

"Don't be," she smiled sadly, "I am lucky to have Eleazar. He's been more of a father to me than mine had ever been. And whilst I would have loved to have a family and a husband by now, I cannot lie and say that travelling the world with my best friend hasn't been worth the sacrifice." 

If Aesop ever had any concerns if she was suitable to teach, they had been laid to rest within the first two weeks, for whoever he listened to would say the same: that she was utterly brilliant.

Care of Magical Creatures class had always been decently popular among students - it was certainly more popular than Magical Theory or Alchemy, but ever since the one and only Hero of Hogwarts had started to lecture the class, its popularity had all but exploded amongst the students. They seemed more engaged than ever, and the fourth-year class he taught directly after her class was always in high spirits. Matilda had to refuse several students the luxury of adding Care of Magical Creatures to their curriculum, and if Aesop had to overhear another bulk of male students lusting after Miss (Y/L/N), he would rip off his own ears.

Sure, she was beautiful. Very beautiful, in fact. And smart. And kind. And funny. He had noticed that himself (any man with two functioning eyes would), but Merlin was it infuriating to hear constantly. 

(Y/N) had her seat next to him in the Great Hall, and surprisingly they ate their meals at similar enough times, causing them to exchange pleasantries often enough over breakfast or dinner. She was as cheerful as he remembered and did most of the talking, but it was comfortable. 

She often shared tidbits and stories from her many travels, the beasts she encountered or the people she met. 

"Japan was the most interesting, really. Though one day, Poppy and I wanted to bathe in a local pond and nearly got eaten by a Kappa." 

Aesop had nearly spat out his drink.

"A Kappa?" he asked, "The water-dwellers that look like scaly monkeys, with webbed hands itching to strangle unwitting waders in their ponds? Those Kappas?"

"Yes!" she grinned at him cheerfully before she took another bite of her scone. "Quite fascinating creature, really. Luckily we had a cucumber on hand. Did you know that they prefer those to human blood?"

"I...did not," Aesop shook his head, his eyes comically wide as he watched her devour her scone with such gusto and nonchalance - as if she hadn't nearly recounted yet another story of how she almost died. Someone desperately needed to teach her a sense of self-preservation.

She had many stories like that. Too many, if one were to ask Aesop. Suddenly he ceased thinking that she could have been a good Auror - she would have been blown up within weeks if her recklessness was anything to go by. In hindsight, it added up; no fully sane fifteen-year-old would willingly jump into battle over and over again, even if they had essentially been the sole witch able to save the day. Then again, she wasn't fifteen anymore.

Four weeks after the school year had started, Dinah and Abraham had the wonderfully stupid idea to commemorate (Y/N)'s arrival as a professor officially with a soirée an opportunity for most of them to get drunk off their asses. It was something of a tradition, one that even Aesop couldn't escape when he first started teaching, and Dinah, the absolute menace she was, usually ensured that at least half of the participants would nurse a hangover the next day. The bloody woman could hold her drink; Aesop would give her that much - he doubted (Y/N) could do the same. Sirona was all too happy to open up the small space upstairs of the Three Broomsticks, which teachers usually occupied throughout the school year so awkward encounters could be avoided. 

So when the first Saturday of October had rolled around, their newest addition to the staff was all but ambushed and dragged to the Three Broomsticks, and Aesop had to confess that her helpless gaze was worth the tedious walk to the pub. 

"What exactly-" "No questions," Dinah interrupted her before shoving a glass of firewhiskey into her small hands. "We are not letting you leave until you are drunk." 

"Don't fight tradition," Eleazar grinned slyly at his protegé, "We've all been through this." 

"You're evil," she pouted at him, the firewhiskey still in her hands. 

"Yes, well," the older man shrugged, "Consider it a debt repaid after all the grey hairs you have caused me over the years."

"Excuse me?!" she gasped, but before she could continue, Dinah barked at her: "Drink up!"

Aesop could only watch with amusement as she nipped on the whiskey with a grimace, coughing as it went down. "It burns," she whined, trying to shove the whiskey back into Dinah's hands, but the former Unspeakable wouldn't have it. 

"Get used to it."

It shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone really that she was drunk within record time. Aesop, much like Dinah and Eleazar, could hold his drink incredibly well, but it was always entertaining to see the rest of the staff utterly pissed. 

Mudiwa and Satyavati were in a spirited discussion about their respective fields, neither wishing to meet the other eye to eye, and Aesop wouldn't have been surprised if the Ugandan native whipped out a crystal ball to smash it on Satyavati's head. Chiyo, Abraham, Matilda and Mirabel, on the other hand, were somewhere between singing and screaming an old drinking song Aesop did not recognise, though it frankly sounded horrible all the same. 

"Honestly, Eleazar. I would have expected you to teach her how to hold her drink," Dinah grinned as she pointed at the slumped-over figure in front of the fireplace. 

"She can hold her drink," Eleazar countered with a sneer. "You are simply a menace. How many of those did you give her?"

"Oh, not too many," Dinah grinned, taking another swig of her firewhiskey. "Eight, perhaps?"

"Eight?! Are you trying to kill her?!" Aesop chuckled. "Merlin Dinah, even I can tell she's a lightweight." 

"She'll live," the woman waved her hand dismissively. "You should take her back to her hut, though." 

"Me?!" Aesop asked incredulously, nearly spilling the remains of his drink in surprise. Eleazar had the same bewildered expression on his face, his eyebrow raised in question.

"Yes, you," Dinah rolled her eyes, "You think I miss the looks you two dunderheads share?" 

Aesop's heart felt like it was beating out of his chest for a second, his mind completely blank as he took in his friend's words. His face must have given away his utter bewilderment because Dinah only groaned in exasperation. Damn her and her perceptiveness!

"Dinah, I have no idea what you are-" "Oh, quit it!" she interrupted him as fiercely as she had interrupted (Y/N) a while back. "I haven't seen your grumpy arse smile as much as you have during meal times in all my years of knowing you. And the reason for that is seated right next to you." 

"She's just a good conversationalist!" Aesop protested, affronted that Dinah would even think he fancied his former student of all people. 

"Good conversationalist, my ass," she snorted before shaking her head. "Take her home, Romeo. That's an order. " 

Her tone left little to no room for argument (she was insanely good at that), and so Aesop found himself limping and straggling along the darkened path back to Hogwarts, thanking Merlin that no student was wandering about to see a wasted Professor (Y/N) slumped in his arms. She was thankfully rather light, considering that the colder weather was slowly creeping in. Aesop's cursed limp began hurting as it usually did during the winter months, so he was in no position to lift anything heavy. 

She was rather close to him, nestled into his chest, though the top of her head just about reached a few inches below his shoulders. Typically, Aesop liked to keep people at arm's length, not one for physical contact, especially with people he hardly knew. But having her in his arms, of all people, was not only comfortable, but he also quickly realised he liked having her there. She was warm and small, fit perfectly into his side, and smelled divine. 

He would have expected her to smell like the earth outside, given how much time she spent in Beast pens and caring for them, but instead, she smelled of fresh pastries and the sweetest fruits, a warm and homely scent that made him feel all ways of strange. He hadn't felt this way in a long, long time, but no matter what Dinah may have alluded to - it simply couldn't be.

"You think too much," a small, grumbling voice suddenly pulled him from his thoughts. 

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused," she mumbled, pressing herself further into him before falling silent once more. 

He thought too much? Aesop wondered what she meant by that. But he enjoyed the remaining walk in silence, understanding that she was far too inebriated to have an actual conversation anyways. She was half-asleep by the time they had reached her hut, so he carefully helped her onto the bed, wondering if he should at least help her take off her boots, but she was asleep before he could ask. So instead, Aesop placed a blanket over her softly snoring form before he limped outside and begrudgingly took the floo flames to the Faculty Tower. 

Aesop wasn't surprised when she didn't show up for breakfast the following day, but breakfast did seem a little duller than it usually had been. He kept the affair short before he retreated to his quarters, deciding to catch up on some essays and potion quizzes, which would inevitably frustrate him but putting it off would only mean delaying the inevitable. Some of his students would make brilliant potioneers, but most of them were hopeless cases, unfortunately. Sometime in the early afternoon, a knock pulled him from his frustrating work, and he was surprised to find a sheepish and embarrassed-looking (Y/N) at his doorstep. She looked tired, her face a little more worn than usual, and her hair seemed mildly matted and disorderly, but realistically, she nursed a fat hangover. All things considered, she still looked pretty.

"(Y/N)," he acknowledged with a curt nod. 

"I uhm," she shuffled her feet awkwardly, her face downcast and her cheeks adorably red. "I wanted to thank you," she said after a while. 

"Thank me?" Aesop raised his eyebrow.

"Yes, uhm," she cleared her throat, raising her face to look back at him. "Thank you for helping me back to my hut. You didn't have to." 

"Dinah was remarkably insistent that I do," Aesop blurted out before he could stop himself. A flash of hurt crossed her face, but it was gone within a second, her smile strangely contorted, and Aesop wondered if he had said something wrong.  

"Well, either way. You got me back, and that's what matters, I suppose." 

The two stood there for a while, staring at each other like fools, before she suddenly jumped and pulled at her satchel. "I made you some biscuits," she rambled, pulling out a small bag that emitted an enticing sugary smell. Aesop wasn't fond of biscuits, but the aroma of these was absolutely mouth-watering, so he gladly accepted. Maybe it was because the smell reminded him of her. 

"Would you like to come in?" he offered, stepping aside and inviting her inside his quarters. 

"Are you sure that's appropriate?" her tone hesitant as she stood her ground in front of the door.

"Why wouldn't it be?" his tone equal amounts curious and disturbed. Did she think he wanted to dishonour her? 

"Nevermind," she shook her head before wordlessly accepting his invitation and stepping inside. 

Even if she had been a part of the Wizarding World for nearly half a decade now, the rigorous societal standards she had been raised with for a majority of her life had stuck with her, and if someone from her old life had seen her step into a man's room, unaccompanied, her reputation would have been ruined. She had realised that the Wizarding World was far more relaxed than Muggle London fairly quickly when she had been allowed to be accompanied to Hogsmeade her first week by Sebastian Sallow - an event which never would have taken place without a chaperone in her old home. And whilst the concept of courting and preserving one's honour was the proper way in the Wizarding World as well, one was certainly not watched like a hawk every second of the day until marriage.

His quarters had been just like she remembered them; a little disorderly, muted in colour and sparse in decor. Tons of cauldrons stood against the walls, but his big windows let in ample amounts of sunshine. The smell of firewhiskey and the crackling fire permeated the air, though his unique scent also clung to it. It was comforting but hardly a home. Two leather armchairs stood in front of the fireplace, and his desk looked to be brimming with graded essays.

"Would you like some tea?" Aesop asked her, clearing his throat and effectively pulling her out of her daydreaming and wandering gaze. He usually didn't have guests over, much less pretty female ones. 

"Oh yes. That would be lovely," she smiled gratefully. He only motioned for her to sit down as he prepared two cups of steaming Earl Grey, adding a bit of milk to hers (that's how she always drank it).

She thanked him with a bashful smile as he handed her the cup before he eventually sank down in the armchair opposite hers, nursing his own teacup in relative silence before he teasingly asked her: "So how are you feeling?" 

"I can't believe you drink that nasty stuff willingly."

"It takes quite a connoisseur to appreciate Firewhiskey," Aesop grinned. 

"I think I might prefer the occasional glass of mead," she pulled a face before taking a sip of her tea and sighing in relief. "In any case, I'm not touching alcohol for a good while." 

"I didn't expect you to," he chuckled before sighing and stretching his leg. It had started to bother him a little more throughout the afternoon, which was not an unusual occurrence, especially given the events of yesterday. A little massage, his pain relief potion and perhaps even a warm bath and firewhiskey would make it bearable.

"Does it hurt more than usual?" she asked him boldly, her gaze fixated upon his leg as he shifted to find a more comfortable position.

"No," he grit out between his teeth. "This is usual given the weather and circumstances." 

"I'm sorry," she meekly offered, her mind wandering off a little.

"I don't need your pity," Aesop spat out in a lapse of judgement, his gaze venomous. She flinched, just barely so, but it was enough for it to tear at his heartstrings and apologise immediately. 

"It's alright," she sighed. "I was just...what remedies have you tried? I remember you telling me that you looked in the Hogwarts library, but..." 

"That was five years ago," Aesop conceded. "I'm sure I have read every possible book in there by now." 

"Perhaps I could ask Poppy to have a look?" (Y/N) offered him. "She is still travelling, and we came across quite a few treatments and fauna that we hadn't previously known..."

"I cannot, in good conscience, ask that of you."

"You're not asking. I'm offering." 

Aesop thought for a second, but her offer was generous. He was slowly losing hope, as the Hogwarts Library didn't offer a cure, so perhaps it was time to start looking elsewhere. 

"That would be very kind," he conceded, his voice stuck in his throat for a second. 

Her smile was brighter than the sun itself, and Aesop's heart jumped erratically. It truly was beautiful.

They fell into a routine after that. 

As promised, she had written to Poppy as soon as possible, asking her to keep an eye out for strange flora, beast products or books on curses and foreign potions. She had even secretly reached out to Sebastian, who was working as a Curse Breaker and stumbled upon more of them than she and Sharp combined could name; even if he didn't know a counter curse for Sharp's predicament, it was useful to keep tabs on it. 

Whenever Poppy sent a small parcel, she would run to Aesop's room or the potions classroom just so she could share what may be a breakthrough in his research. And whilst nothing looked like a cure, the most recent batch of ingredients from East Asia had, at the very least, supplied Aesop with greater pain relief than usual.

"Hō-ō feathers and," she coughed violently, her face twisting in disgust. "Did Poppy send you Mimbulus Mimbletonia? This smells awfully rancid."

"She did indeed," Aesop confirmed, his face passive as he carefully stirred the potion before him. He was immensely grateful that Poppy had made due on her promise to send ingredients their way - ones that were either exceptionally difficult or downright impossible to get in England. That said, the Mimbulus Mimbletonia did smell awful, and it took quite a bit of willpower to not let his disgust show. He was surprised that the lovely woman sat in his potions classroom, just a little to the left of him, recognised the ingredients as quickly as she had, but the more time he spent with her, the more he had to acknowledge that she was smart beyond her years.

"I hated those whenever we came across them," she told him with a smile. 

"Yes, well. Let's hope they're useful beyond repelling unsuspecting witches."

"Who said anything about repelling us?" Aesop could feel her smirk before he saw it. "We still wanted to see the Bowtruckles."

"Bowtruckles," Aesop shook his head in exasperation. "Of course."

Aesop was used to brewing on his own, usually secluded in his room, perhaps accompanied by a glass of firewhiskey and a melody from his gramophone. Unfortunately for him, he found that brewing in a certain witches' company was much more engaging, so much so that he began looking forward to spending time with her whenever the week seemed to pass him by a little too slowly for comfort. Most of their free days, however, they spent together in either of their quarters, drinking tea, sometimes playing Wizard's Chess, though usually, they graded their respective papers in comfortable silence. Some days Sharp listened to her stories, and on the very rare occasion, she listened to his. 

"So you actually sent people to Azkaban before?" she asked with a shudder, her face a little pale.

"If I recall correctly, it was you who ensured Theophilus Harlow ended up there, too," Aesop countered.

"Technically, that was a group effort," she countered. "Natty was the one who tracked him down. I only duelled him."

"At fifteen?"

"I may have been sixteen. But I am not certain."

Aesop groaned at her carelessness and utter disregard for safety or rules. She was lucky he hadn't been her mentor during her days at the school. Eleazar might have even enabled her antics - he would have locked her up inside the castle walls.

"Either way. What kind of people did you send to Azkaban?"

"Reprobates? Dark Wizards?" Aesop answered her as if that had been the most obvious thing in the entire world. 

"Obviously," she rolled her eyes, a teasing smile on her lips. 

"Right. One time my partner and I helped cease the operations of an illegal freak show. The woman who ran the whole thing imprisoned and trafficked multiple of her 'curiosities'. Assaulted quite a few herself."

"And she ended up in Azkaban?" 

"Yes," Aesop confirmed, "Died there too."

"Ugh," she pulled a sorrowful face, "What an awful place to die. So cold and frightening." 

Aesop's eyebrows shot up in question at that.

"And pray tell how do you know what the inside of Azkaban is like?"

"That, my dear Aesop," she grinned at him, "Is a story for another time." 

When he found out that Helen Thistlewood had essentially dragged her to Azkaban and she had consequently solved a cold case, he didn't know whether to scream or cry or laugh or perhaps all together. Of course, she fucking had. 

The weeks continued like that, and Aesop found that the days he spent with her were days very well spent. His mood usually improved drastically, perhaps to the point where even his students could tell. What was worse, though, was that his colleagues, the nosy little bastards, could tell too. So in hindsight, it likely shouldn't have surprised him when both Dinah and Eleazar suddenly had "endless amounts of essays to grade", and both Aesop and (Y/N) found themselves patrolling the Defence Against the Dark Arts Tower on a late November night. 

"I have to say, walking these halls after curfew isn't nearly as fun when you're a Professor," (Y/N) broke the silence after a while. 

"And how often did you break curfew, Miss (Y/L/N)?" 

"I am friends with Sebastian Sallow," she countered, "You take a guess." 

"I forgot how much trouble that boy was," Aesop groaned. 

Of course, he remembered. Aside from the horrors that used to be Solomon Sallow (who had died under incredibly conspicuous circumstances a few years back), his nephew had been quite the pain in Aesop's arse too. Sebastian and Anne Sallow were both exceedingly mischievous, pulling many (albeit harmless) pranks on their fellow students, breaking curfew, and Aesop had to brew hair regrowth potion on more than one occasion after they had illegally attempted fire spells on their own. The shenanigans did not stop after Miss Sallow had been cursed; if anything, they had continued with newfound vigour, and Sebastian was routinely caught in the Restricted Section. He had calmed down a little when (Y/N) had come to the school, and his sour mood had improved significantly. At one point, Aesop had thought that the two were courting, but the lovely woman next to him quickly assured him that there had never been any such feelings between them. It seemed like she simply had that effect on people.

"Oh, come on!" she whined cutely. "Don't tell me you've never broken curfew."

"Me? Never. I was the very picture of orderly conduct at Hogwarts."

The witch next to him only snorted. "I find that hard to believe." 

"And you would be correct," Aesop jested, a wolfish grin on his face. He had broken countless rules during his time (though certainly not as many as she had), but unlike the Sallow boy, he had been smart enough to not get caught. At least not as frequently.

"I kne-" her words were cut off as she suddenly slipped at the top of the stairs, her feet just a little too close to the edge. 

Aesop hastily steadied himself, wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her into him ignoring her cries of surprise. She held onto the lapel of his coat, staring into his dark brown eyes with her wide ones, her cheeks suddenly a little more rosy as they tumbled a little. Aesop's eyes traced over her face, from the long lashes to the soft curve of her slightly open lips. His treacherous heart sped up the more he got lost in her captivating eyes, the very window to her soul, and all he wanted to do was dive in. Suddenly having her close didn't seem like it was enough - he wanted to be absorbed in her cosmos until he had unravelled each and every mystery it held, but before he could, his mind kicked into overdrive, and he pulled her away from the ledge.

"Are you alright?" he questioned breathlessly.

"Yes," she nearly squeaked, abruptly removing her hands as if he had burned her, avoiding his gaze as she took a steadying breath. "I'm fine." 

He wanted, needed, to say something else. To reach out to her and pull her back into his arms, but before he could, she turned away to resume their nightly patrol, refusing to meet his eye again.

Things were oddly different after that night - and Aesop did not know why.

It was downright infuriating, especially since she liked to act as if nothing was amiss, but did she genuinely think she could fool a former Auror, of all people? Aesop might have left the field a decade ago, but he, all puns intended, was as sharp as ever. 

She still sat beside him during meal times, but her stories became less and less until they eventually ceased altogether.

She still came to his quarters, though the visits became scarce until she muttered a pitiful excuse of "lots of grading to do" as if they hadn't done that together over the course of the term. And if ever he turned up on her doorstep, she usually had an excuse too or ensured their time together was as brief as possible. 

And while she still kept bringing him the exotic ingredients Poppy sent her way, she typically delivered them by owl, which riled Aesop up so much that he hadn't even wanted to try and brew any possible cure in quite some time. 

And worst of all? He didn't even understand why her sudden indifference suddenly infuriated him so much. She was a good friend - yes a very good one indeed. She was an exceptional conversationalist - also, yes. And she was breathtakingly beauti - Aesop stopped himself in an instant. Absolutely not. 

He sighed in frustration, ignoring the curious stares of his fourth-year students as they, per usual, royally fucked up another potion. He didn't even recall what he had them brew, his mind a little too occupied with something - or rather someone - else. It was a loud 'BANG' that suddenly drew him from his thoughts, a colourful explosion from the back of the classroom that shone in a cacophony of various shades entering his field of vision. A sheepish Elizabeth Larson, younger sister of Andrew Larson and what Aesop wholeheartedly believed to be Garreth Weasley's spiritual successor, stood right next to the exploded cauldron, a tactless grin on her face as she ignored the dregs of whatever potion she had 'creatively enhanced' at her feet. She wasn't sorry; students like Garreth and her never were. If anything, they were only sorry that their concoction had failed and they had been caught. Furiously, Aesop rose to his feet, his leg aggravated and his mood so sour a lemon likely would have been sweet. The mess had been cleared up with a quick wave of his wand, but his fury hadn't dissipated in the slightest.

"Miss Larson," Aesop barked angrily as he stalked towards the back of the room, his glare pointed enough to explode another cauldron if he tried. "This is the seventh time you have acted outside of instruction. One would think your boneheadedness knows some bounds, but clearly, it does not." His tone was unusually cruel, the surprise of which evident on Elizabeth Larson's face as, while he was stern, he never insulted his students. "Fifty points from Gryffindor, and I want to see you for detention every day the following week!"

"But Sir, I-" the poor girl tried to protest feebly, her voice small, and if Aesop hadn't been as angry as he had been, he likely would've seen actual regret and tears in her eyes. 

"No. I am done with your infantile deeds, Miss Larson. Either you learn to respect this class and its rules, or you can expect to not make the roster for any year after next year." He was positively seething.

"Yes, Sir," she dejectedly nodded, her shoulders slumped and gaze downcast.

Aesop huffed, turning to the rest of the class, ready to dismiss them early, as he frankly did not have the resilience to endure much longer. "Uh, Sir?" a meek voice spoke into the otherwise deadly silent classroom. 

"Yes, Mister Finnigan?" Aesop grunted. 

"It's Christmas next week. We don't uhm...have school." 

It's Christmas next week... Aesop grit his teeth as he took the boy's word in, clearly an attempt to get Miss Larson out of detention. Great, so he had teenage lovers in this class? Nobody would have been stupid enough to stand up to him otherwise. 

"Then Miss Larson will serve her detention after the New Year. Now, I want your potions labelled on my desk within five minutes. And then get out of my classroom." 

None of them needed any further instruction, hurriedly finishing up whatever work they had left to do before they all but fled the dungeons, Miss Larson surrounded by her friends in an effort to comfort. At least that's what Aesop supposed.

It's Christmas next week, the words repeated in Aesop's head as he cleaned up the classroom, thankful that the day was finally over and he wouldn't have to deal with the imbeciles he calls his students until the morrow. He perked up when he thought of it again. It's Christmas next week.

Of course! Between classes to be held, essays and tests to be graded and an infuriatingly witchy problem, Aesop had all but forgotten the festivities that rapidly approached them, but suddenly, they seemed to be the answer to his very problem. If she was angry with him, perhaps a gift could put him back into her good graces and even if she wasn't, giving her a gift seemed like a perfect opportunity to have her talk to him again.

Finding a gift, however, seemed to be just as infuriating as she was. 

It was the day before Christmas, and Aesop still hadn't figured out the perfect gift to give her. Books, even if she enjoyed them greatly, seemed boring and downright unoriginal. Household items were pretentious, and he felt as if he was overstepping multiple boundaries by even thinking about it. And whilst he would have loved to have gotten her Jewellery, given that she recently rehabilitated a Niffler, he threw that option off the Astronomy tower. So what exactly was he supposed to get a witch that could end the world with her powers and one he had utterly fallen in love with? Asking her was out of the question, but he was slowly running out of time. Businesses would be closing sooner tomorrow and not open at all on the 25th, and his options were dwindling, none of them good enough for someone as exceptional as her. Aesop hated asking for help, but in fear of making an even bigger fool of himself, he trudged down the stairs of the Faculty Tower, striding up to the door of the one place where he might just acquire an answer.

"Aesop?" the surprise in Eleazar's voice was evident. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" 

"Good morning, Eleazar," Aesop cleared his throat, already regretting his decision to come. "I... require your help with a...rather delicate matter." 

"Oh?" This was most unusual for him. Eleazar and Aesop rarely interacted on the basis of their job alone, though they did strike up friendly conversation when time allowed it. And, as Aesop painfully remembers, the man had asked for his help years ago when (Y/N) had battled an entire goblin rebellion on her own, and he had dismissed the idea of Ranrok working with Rookwood as 'inconceivable'. He wondered if he could've eased the weight on her shoulders if only he had listened. 

"Would you like to come in?" Eleazar offered, stepping aside as he recognised the ex-Auror's discomfort at discussing whatever he needed to discuss out in the open. Aesop only nodded curtly, stepping inside the disorderly room littered with a million books, effectively turning it into more of a library than a personal home.

"So," the older man joined his hands in front of him. "What can I do for you, Aesop?"

"I need to purchase a present," he pressed out. "For (Y/N)."

Eleazar raised his eyebrow, taking in the usually stern Potions Master standing before him. But this man wasn't stern, nor was he anything like he usually had been. No, this man resembled a lovesick teenager, ashamed to ask a parent for advice no matter how innocent and if Aesop had blushed, it wouldn't have surprised Eleazar.

"For (Y/N)?" he repeated slowly, carefully gauging Aesop's reaction.

"Yes," the man confirmed, clearing his throat.

"It is Christmas tomorrow, and I wish to get her something nice. I thought since you knew her best, perhaps you could... offer some advice." 

Merlin's Beard, Dinah had been correct. Eleazar could not believe it. He was wholeheartedly gobsmacked. Aesop Sharp was in love with his former protégé slash adopted daughter. He had already been curious when Dinah had insisted that Aesop be the one to take her home the night of her inaugural celebration, but even more so when the woman had insisted that both he and her forfeit their nightly patrol with some lame excuse so that (Y/N) and Aesop would have to do it instead. He had frankly laughed when Dinah explained that she was doing it because she couldn't stand the pining between the two 'oblivious fools' but Merlin - when (Y/N) and he shared tea just shortly after, and the girl had blushed like a madwoman when Eleazar teased her by revealing Dinah's plans he realised that the astute Professor had certainly been right about one thing; that (Y/N) was in love.

But to know Aesop was too? Brilliant. 

"Of course," Eleazar repressed a chuckle, though he couldn't stop a sly grin forming on his face. "She is exceptionally fond of ballet. She used to see performances all the time, when she was a child in London." 

Ballet? Aesop thought, surprised. Wherever would he get something related to a Muggle art form? Clenching his teeth, he found his answer quite quickly: Muggle London. 

"Thank you," he breathed out between clenched teeth. 

"Anytime," Eleazar chuckled as Aesop swiftly exited his quarters before he rushed to tell Dinah that she was correct once again.

Off to Muggle London, he went.

Aesop positively hated the Muggle parts of London. Not because he hated Muggles, Merlin he couldn't care less about them if he tried, but because the streets were too crowded and dirty and the Muggles stared at him no matter how well disguised and because it all smelled utterly rotten. In all honesty, perhaps it was London that he hated, even if the wizarding parts of it were a little less seedy than the rest. Years ago, when he was a young Auror, he loved the hustle and bustle of the city, gallivanting around like he owned the place with a stunning woman (though not as lovely as (Y/N), his ex-fiancé, on his arm, but those days had long passed, and he preferred the quiet countryside and the fresh air and spending time with her.

He wasn't even entirely certain what exactly he was looking for, but it couldn't be that difficult to find something related to ballet. Perhaps tickets for a performance? Though most pureblood families ensured to stay away from Muggles as best as they could, they did enjoy Muggle arts on occasion; both Ballet and Opera performances were frequented by even the most extremist of pureblood families, and Aesop used to enjoy the odd art exhibition in his days. He hadn't ever been to a ballet performance in particular, but he could endure, especially if it had been for her. 

He decided on tickets for a premiere, Swan Lake, or whatever it had been called. Apparently, the ballet had been all the rage in Russia, and a company was bringing it to England for the very first time. He could be certain that his lovely colleague hadn't seen it, and the image of pure joy he had conjured in his mind was worth the insane galleon he had spent on them.

His step was considerably lighter and jovial when he made the trek towards her hut on Christmas morning, hoping, wishing that she would love her present and all would be well again. She looked surprised to see him, with a smile on his face nonetheless. 

"Aesop? What are you doing here?"

"It's Christmas, isn't it?" he grinned, excited for the first time in his life to give a present. "I wanted to give you a present."

"You got me a present?" she suddenly sounded excited, her eyes lighting up in almost childlike wonder. His heart jumped as he watched a smile light up her entire face, dazzlingly bright and beautiful and so very her. However had he survived hardly seeing it over these past few weeks? He needed, craved, more.

"Of course," Aesop cleared his throat, suppressing any potentially inappropriate thoughts. He couldn't allow himself to feel it. "We're friends, aren't we?" 

He missed the brief flash of hurt that swept across her face, accepting her silent invitation to join her inside before he was enveloped in the homely scent that brought him back to his childhood. Her home had been decorated with tinsel, and ivy leaves sewn onto strips of ribbon, some odd mistletoes hung around, and a wreath had been placed on the table. It smelled oddly reminiscent of speculoos and oranges, the sweet notes of honey and cinnamon biscuits hanging in the air, so very unlike his room back at the castle. The fire was crackling away, and the room was comfortably warm, so Aesop took the liberty of removing his coat and placing it onto one of her mismatched chairs, but not before he pulled a small, golden box from its pockets.

"I might have outdone myself," he grinned, holing out the present like a little boy.

"Think that highly of your present-giving skills, do you?" she jabbed back, accepting the box from his hands with a grateful smile. She was curious, to say the least. Aesop didn't seem like the gift-giving type in her eyes. Admittedly, she hadn't even expected one in the first place, not after she had all but avoided his presence to the best of her abilities ever since that fateful November night.

"I'm excellent at many things." "I'm sure you are."

They smiled at each other before the woman in front of him redirected her attention to the box in her hands as she carefully slid it open, revealing a glittering, crystal Swan ornament. 

"Godric's heart," she gasped as she pulled it out, observing the way it shimmered and glittered in the morning light, its reflections casting various shapes across the room. "It's beautiful, Aesop." 

"I'm glad you like it," he grinned. "But it's only a part of your present." 

She looked at him with surprise, her mouth slightly open, and he wanted to kiss he wanted to laugh as he picked up on the evident bewilderment in her eyes. "This isn't my present?"

"Not exactly. I..." Suddenly he was nervous, wondering if he had picked the right thing. What if she didn't wish to be seen with him in public, especially outside school, and clearly unrelated to work? She had been avoiding him, after all, no matter what she tried to make him believe. 

No going back now...

"I got us tickets for Swan Lake. In London." 

The astonishment on her face was comical. If there had to be an illustration of the expression "the jaw was on the floor", Aesop was sure that this would have been it. She didn't say anything for a while, only looking at him with her wide eyes, not even blinking. 

"That's..." (Y/N) cleared her throat. "That's too much, Aesop. I can't accept it." 

"Bollocks," he dismissed her. "You love ballet, don't you?"

"I...I do," she conceded, though her brow furrowed. She hadn't ever told him that, had she? "I must confess I wonder why you, of all people, know about this."

"I have my ways," he tried to dismiss her, apprehensive at the prospect of her finding out that he had asked Eleazar for advice. Unfortunately for him, though, the witch was keenly astute and analytical. 

"Eleazar told you, didn't he?" she concluded after a few seconds, horrified when he nodded. Eleazar knew her exceptionally well; he was like her father, for Merlin's sake. So even when she had told him that Aesop was 'just a friend', he didn't even try to suppress his laugh, evidently not believing a word she said. She had only hoped that the older man hadn't alluded to anything because Aesop could never know that she had irrevocably fallen in love with him. 

"Thank you, Aesop. Truly. This is the best present I have ever received," she earnestly told him, quickly covering up her embarrassment. "I admit, my gifts truthfully don't compare to this, but..."

She only sighed, deciding to simply get it over with. She didn't recognise the excitement on Aesop's face. She had gotten him something too? 

Swiftly she summoned two boxes from their hiding place across the room, offering him the first one with an ashamed smile. "I'm afraid it's no Swan Lake, but..."

"I don't want Swan Lake," Aesop quickly interjected, opening the green box. "I want – a blanket?"

"It's a scarf," she quickly corrected him, her cheeks flushed. 

"A scarf," he mumbled, pulling the soft maroon fabric from the box. It was the most delicate material Aesop had ever felt, luxurious too, even if the pattern was slightly off and the edges seemed slightly frayed. He wrapped it around his neck, catching a whiff of that same homely scent that made his heart grow fonder. 

"I made it myself," she nervously admitted, gauging his reaction though his face was fairly impassive. "I haven't made one in a while, but it's been a tradition in my family to always give two gifts; one that is handmade and one that is bought and usually a necessity." 

"Thank you," he breathed out, enjoying the comforting feel of the fabric around his neck. 

"It's no Swan Lake –" "–I don't want Swan Lake," he interrupted her again, his voice a little rougher than he wished to. "I want this scarf." 

And he did. It was perfect, especially because it had been made by her delicate hands, and he never wanted to take it off again. How could she think that he would hate this?!

"Right," she mumbled before handing him a second box. "I hope you like this just as much."

The second box was also green, though slightly larger than the box with the scarf and Aesop was intrigued, if admittedly a little guilty that she had gotten him two presents in place of only one. He opened the box to reveal –

"Charcoal?" he had already been confused at the scarf, but why on earth would she give him charcoal? He watched as she nervously wrung her hands before her, avoiding his gaze as she had done all those weeks, a bright flush on her cheeks. 

"I –," she audibly gulped, clearly afraid of his reaction. "I may have snuck into your room in fifth year and found your... art room."  

Whatever explanation he had expected, it certainly wouldn't have been this. He should have been furious, and if she had been a student, he likely would have taken so many house points from her that her house wouldn't have recovered for years to come. Instead, he laughed.

Of course, she had snuck into his room. Of course, she had found his art room. Of course, she remembered it.

What a devious little thing she was. 

The winter break passed in a calm manner, and Aesop was utterly content. 

While (Y/N) still seemed somewhat reclusive, she didn't avoid his presence - a win in Aesop's mind. They had tea together again, and she had even assisted him in brewing yet another potion, even if that one hadn't helped to any greater extent. His mood had improved drastically, so much that he even apologised to Miss Larson for his harsh tone in the new year and cut her detention time short (though not forfeit it altogether). The girl was confused but obviously didn't question it any further, quite happy that she only had to spend two nights in detention instead of five.  

If his colleagues noticed his new and improved mood, they at least had the decency not to comment on it, even if he caught Dinah and Eleazar throwing him and (Y/N) conspicuous glances every once in a while when they believed he wouldn't notice. He was in far too good of a mood to comment on it, not even irked by it in the slightest. 

The day before their planned 'excursion' outside the palace walls, a Saturday, Aesop walked into breakfast a little later than usual, his sleep unusually restful. His favourite colleague was already seated at the table, animatedly chatting with Matilda as they finished up their breakfast. 

"Mornin'," Aesop mumbled as he sat down next to (Y/N), grabbing the teapot and helping himself to a cup of Earl Grey. 

"I still don't know how you can drink Earl Grey without sugar or milk," the young woman beside him grimaced. She typically had her tea with both, the brew always a perfectly creamy colour that was far too much milk for Aesop's liking. 

"I can't understand how you can essentially drink sweetened milk," he jabbed back, grabbing a bread roll and putting some eggs and sausages on his plate. 

"It's not sweetened milk," she pouted.

"Well, it's certainly not tea." 

Matilda snorted as she watched the two of them interact, slowly starting to understand what Dinah and Eleazar had reported to be seeing. It was no secret among the staff that Aesop had a... soft spot for their newest colleague (if his much-improved mood had been anything to go by), nor had it been a secret that the two of them spent a great deal of time together outside of the necessary interactions. But as the two looked into each other's eyes, the very picture of devotion and adoration, she realised they were obtusely pining for each other. Merlin, if this really was the state of things, Matilda might join Eleazar and Dinah in their efforts. 

"Something funny, Matilda?" Aesop asked her with a raised brow. 

"Oh no," the Transfiguration teacher shook her head, sipping on her tea. "Nothing funny at all."

"Right," he grumbled, clearly unimpressed, before he continued his breakfast. 

"Well, then," (Y/N) smiled, pushing back her chair and standing up. It was then that Aesop noticed that she looked...different. Her usually simple dress had been traded in for a much nicer one. It was moss green, lined with fur to keep her warm from the icy temperatures outside and had some intricate gold stitching that almost shimmered in the sunlight. "I still have to collect my coat. I'll see you tonight, Matilda."

"Oh, do tell Garreth I said hello."

Aesop nearly spat out his drink. Garreth? As in Garreth Weasley? The ultimate headache of a boy, the same young man whose existence had tortured Aesop for seven bloody years? Why on earth would she –

"Will do, Matilda," she singsonged before skipping outside the Great Hall, and Aesop was left with a million questions in his head. Matilda watched as Aesop's jaw was unnaturally clenched, his eggs picked up with strange aggression that hadn't been there before. Surely Garreth's name couldn't have riled him up that much?

"They're having a small reunion in the Three Broomsticks," Matilda spoke into the tense silence. "I heard Mr Sallow, Mr Thakkar, Miss Reyes and some others would be attending too."

"And that is of interest to me how?" 

"You tell me," Matilda winked, chuckling as she watched the Potions Master hastily swallow the last of his breakfast before he excused himself to 'do some brewing', limping out of the Great Hall.

"I don't think I've ever seen Aesop being so obvious about his feelings," someone chuckled to the right of her. Matilda looked over to see a grinning Abraham looking at her. 

"It is strange to see; I won't lie," Matilda nodded. "Quite the unlikely pairing too."

"The girl was a Hero at fifteen and has ensured that entire poaching operations have ceased in the Highlands," Abraham reminded her with a chuckle. "Just because she is less grumpy than him, I wouldn't write them off. After all, opposites do attract, no?"

"I suppose you are correct," the Transfiguration teacher agreed. "The question is, how exactly do we make them see it? It seems everyone, but them knows."

"Which I told you months ago, you bloody lot," Dinah jumped in from next to Abraham. "Merlin knows Eleazar, and I have tried to talk sense into them. He is too thick-headed to make the first move; that much is certain." 

"I would not worry," a final voice joined them, the ever-elusive Mudiwa Onai looking at them with twinkling eyes. "I could see that their future together would be quite...fruitful."

(Y/N), unaware of her coworkers conspiring against her and blissfully unaware of the Potions Master she had left completely riled up, was rather looking forward to seeing her old classmates again. Even if she had spent significantly less time with them than she might have liked, largely because of her late arrival and fifth-year 'extracurriculars', many of them had become close friends of hers, and she kept in contact with most of them. Poppy, unfortunately, would not be able to make it, as she was somewhere in the Amazonas researching yet another creature, but she looked forward to seeing her during the summer. She hadn't seen most of them in quite some time, though letters between them were still largely regular.

The Three Broomsticks was as warm and inviting as ever, the establishment always having been a place of comfort and safety, especially after Sirona had fearlessly stood up against Victor Rookwod and Theophilus Harlow as they had tried to kidnap her for Ranrok and his plans. Natty was the first to spot her old friend, having them over enthusiastically. Quite a few of them had shown up; Garreth Weasley, Imelda Reyes and Nelly Oggspire, Nerida Roberts, Amit Thakkar, Ominis, hell, even Everett Clopton and Leander Prewett had made time to come with their wives, simply to get together again. The large group chatted animatedly, exchanging stories about their careers and lives. 

Unsurprisingly, Garreth had started an apprenticeship under a potioneer in London, whereas Imelda and Nelly were both on the Puddlemere United Team, happily courting and enjoying life, whereas Nerida had realised her dream of becoming a Liasion for the Mermaids ("I even learned how to swim!"). Amit had relocated to India for a while, researching the stars on behalf of the Ministry and Everett Clopton and Leander Prewett both had somewhat stable careers at the Ministry. Ominis, on the other hand, had become an apprentice at a French Wandmaker's shop, fully distancing himself from his family and all that the Gaunt name entailed. And Natty, ever the Gryffindor, was slowly but surely working her way up in the Auror Office (much to her mother's chagrin). The final one, who had yet to join the group, was fashionably late and none other than Sebastian Sallow himself.

The Curse Breaker in question walked in around lunchtime, and they were all more than surprised when he was accompanied by a woman their age, clearly pregnant, and beaming smiles on their faces.

"Sorry, everyone," the man sheepishly excused himself, arm wrapped around the woman's middle with his large hands. "I returned from Romania last night, and the Ministry wanted me to drop off some reports. Took a little longer than expected." "Yeah, yeah, blah blah," Garreth waved him off, "Now who is that?" 

Garreth asked the question everyone had been dying to know, and (Y/N) eyed the woman beside her close friend with curious but kind eyes. She was definitely around their age, quite petite and pale, her long ginger hair in an intricate braid, with a few pieces framing her oval, freckled face and strikingly blue eyes. She blushed as the attention diverted to her, though her smile was still beaming. 

"This is Megan," Sebastian introduced them with a bright smile. "My wife." 

"WIFE?!" 

The reaction was immediate, the group gaping at the apparently married couple in front of them, waiting to hear just about any explanation for... well. Megan, apparently, was a witch from Ireland who had eventually attended Illvermorny as her father was relocated from the British Ministry of Magic to the MACUSA, and the two had met on one of Sebastian's curse-breaking expeditions. Sebastian, the ever-rational man he was, married her rather quickly and privately before he whisked her back to England and settled down with her in the Cotswolds. To say that especially Ominis and (Y/N) were affronted that their friend hadn't even mentioned his wife, let alone the fact that he was going to be a father soon, in any of his letters was the understatement of the year, but Sebastian placated them with some Firewhiskey and a heartfelt apology, explaining that he wanted Megan to get settled before bombarding her with the 'bloody lot they were'.  

Megan was lovely, (Y/N) had to admit. A little shy, perhaps, but lovely nonetheless, and she had a great snark about her as she continued to open up to the group and the antics throughout the day. They laughed and ate, having far too much fun and far too little time before a majority of them were drunk off their asses and started to dance in their corner of the pub, absorbed in their own world and free of their adult responsibilities for just one day.

It was perhaps exactly why any of them failed to notice their old Potions Professor walking into the Three Broomsticks after the man had begrudgingly spent the afternoon brewing some odd potions before he realised that he was all out of Bicorn horn, thus needing to venture into Hogsmeade to order some from Pippin. Aesop hadn't planned his short foray into the village, so when he spontaneously decided to walk into the Three Broomsticks to drink a firewhiskey, he hadn't expected to see (Y/N) in the arms of Garreth fucking Weasley, happily dancing to some music and looking the very picture of beauty and grace. 

It shouldn't have bothered him. It shouldn't have bothered him at all, but when he saw her so beautiful in the arms of another, all he could see was red as his heart audibly shattered inside his chest, his lungs constricting as he watched her do something he could never give her. He quickly retreated from the Three Broomsticks, not even bothering to order a Firewhiskey. Instead, he chose to hole himself up in his room, getting drunk there instead as he moped around.

Why was he even bothered? She didn't owe him anything, certainly not a dance or physical affection. She was a friend, a good friend. Nothing more, nothing less. It shouldn't have hurt to see her in the arms of someone else, even if that person had been Garreth Weasley, of all people. He should have been happy for her - she did say she wanted a family, children, and someone her age could certainly give her that. He was just an old, grumpy, crippled failure of a man, his best years long gone. It shouldn't have bothered him, but the more he thought about it, the more it did. 

Fuck, he realised startingly as he downed his third glass of firewhiskey. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

It bothered him because he cared. 

Because – Aesop could hardly bring himself to think it – because he was stupidly, irrevocably, utterly and wholly in love with her. 

Aesop wasn't sure how many he had to drink by the time a knock sounded on his door. He cursed his own tolerance, not nearly drunk enough to forget what he had just barely been able to admit to himself. If anything, he might have been slightly buzzed. The only person that would ever come knocking on his door, he realised, was the one person he very much wanted to avoid right now. Before he could call out a 'No', the doors opened, and she walked right in, a tray filled with his favourite foods in her hand and that damningly beautiful smile on her smile. Why in Salazar's name was she so ethereal?

"I didn't see you at dinner and got worried. So I asked the house-elf's for some of your favourites, and they were kind enough to prepare them."

Aesop's dark eyes swept over the tray, spotting roast beef, his favourite vegetables, a cornish pie and even some sticky toffee pudding. It was perfect, and it only infuriated him more. Couldn't she have ignored him? Or at least treat him unkindly? That would have helped his feelings much more than being cared for by the one person who shouldn't. 

"Thanks," he hissed lowly, downing yet another firewhiskey. "Can you just leave it here?" 

Her smile vanished, regarding him, with a concerned look on her face. 

Why on earth did she have to wear her heart on her sleeve?! Why did she have to show him she cared about him?!

"Are you alright?"

"Yes." No – he definitely wasn't.

"You don't look like you're alright," she pushed on, carefully placing the tray on his table and walking towards him.

"I'm fine," he pressed out, glaring her way, but she didn't even flinch. "Can you please go?"

"Now I know you're not alright," she smiled, "You've never asked me to leave." 

"Well, now I do," he snapped, unwilling to deal with it any longer. 

"Have I done something to upset you?"

Yes. "No," he sighed dejectedly. It wasn't her fault, not really. 

"Right," she drew out, clearly not believing him but choosing to save him from further mortification. An uncomfortable silence hung over them, Aesop just wishing that she would finally leave. Eventually, she sighed, turning around to leave his room and leave him alone, but not until she turned around one last time and smiled again.

"I can't wait for Swan Lake tomorrow."

Fuck, he thought once more. Swan Lake would be utter torture. With that, she left.

Aesop hadn't dreaded anything for a while now, but when he stood in front of her hut the next day, late in the afternoon, dressed in his best suit, he dreaded every second that would follow. He just had to get through this, he reminded himself. Just this, and he could be the one to avoid her. He was the one who gifted her this in the first place, and so he would have to endure it. Unfortunately, though, he hadn't expected her to look as good as she did. When she opened the door, with her big smile and bright eyes, Aesop wished that Scarborough had killed him. This was pure torture. She looked delectable and absolutely ethereal. Her dress was a silky pink colour with an almost scandalously low neckline (Merlin, was she trying to kill him?!), appropriately trimmed with gold stitching, soft lace around the shoulders and arms and a white ermine cape around her shoulders. Her hair was up and out from her face, curled and pinned to perfection, making her eyes shine even more than usual. 

Well, this is going to be a problem, isn't it?

"You look bewitchingly beautiful," Aesop whispered, relishing in the blush that rose on her cheeks. At least he could tease her a little, too - he wasn't sure if he could survive this otherwise. 

"You don't look so shabby yourself," she cleared her throat, swiftly joining him outside. Like a true gentleman, he offered her his arm, walking the short distance to the outside of the ground before he apparated them into a secluded alleyway in London, only a short distance from the Opera House. He hadn't held her this close since the night at the Three Broomsticks, but the warmth she emitted and the scent she carried both comforted and strangled him. She was oh so close, yet not close enough. He could only fondly smile at her when she entered the place like an excited child faced with all the candy they could ever want. 

"Oh, I haven't been here forever. It's still as beautiful as I remember!" 

Aesop wouldn't lie; the place was thoroughly impressive. The high ceilings shone under the million candles and crystals, illuminating the site in a comforting way. The high arches and intricate design gave the place a neo-classical feel, and it was bustling with Muggles of various ages, though, as swiftly became clear to him, most of them were likely obscenely rich. Thankfully, they hardly paid him and the beautiful woman on his arm any mind, a rarity and a crime in Aesop's mind, for he couldn't stop staring at her. 

"Do you think that –"

"(Y/N)?!" a shocked voice sounded from behind them. He watched as the woman on his arm visibly paled, almost shaking in his hold as she turned around and faced the man that had spoken to her. Aesop turned around, too, wondering what could make the literal Hero of Hogwarts, a woman with world-ending ancient magic, so frightened. They came to face with an elderly man, possibly around Eleazar's age, and a slightly younger woman. The closer Aesop looked at her, the sooner he spotted it; she had her eyes, her nose, her lips, hell, even her hair, though the other woman's was visibly fading into white. Her parents, Aesop thought, surprised. What were the odds?

"(Y/N) is that truly you?" the man asked, stepping closer, and Aesop felt the need to take a small step forward, effectively shielding her from their gazes. 

"Evening, Father," she mumbled, and Aesop loathed how demure she sounded. Was she an innocent and sweet woman? Yes. Demure? No. She was a fighter who didn't back down against various beasts, poachers, and goblins. And this man was scaring her? Not on Aesop's watch. 

"You look well," she added after a while, though it sounded awfully strange and forced. Her mother at least had the decency to look ashamed, and Aesop could name a thousand reasons why as he glared at them. Her father, however, had flickered his gaze over to Aesop and was regarding him with newfound interest. He knew that her parents were wealthy, but the people in front of him were nothing short of gaudy, pompous and carried a sneer as arrogant as the one on Black's face. These people had raised her? His lovely woman that emitted so much warmth and comfort that it could kill several Dementors? 

"Thank you," her father said after a few seconds, though his eyes were firmly trained on Aesop – and his gigantic scar. "You have grown up beautifully." 

Aesop had never wanted to strangle someone as badly as this man. The sheer audacity. Was he right? Absolutely. Did he have the right? Absolutely not.

"And who is this, might I ask?" 

She tensed beside him, and Aesop wondered why for a second before he remembered one of their earliest conversations. If her parents hadn't approved of a co-educational school, they surely wouldn't have approved of her spending time with a man she was not married to.

"He's my –" "I'm her husband," Aesop interjected, eyebrow raised as he regarded the people before him with as much of a sneer as he could muster. Fight fire with fire, Aesop thought deviously. 

"Husband?" her mother suddenly spoke up, a look of surprise on her face. 

"Is there a problem?" Aesop asked, his tone menacing. It didn't impress her father one bit. 

"So you actually managed to find a decent husband?" he sneered, looking back at his daughter for a fleeting second before returning his attention to Aesop. "Consider me surprised that a man would marry a dishonoured woman. Though perhaps the market was too slim for a cripple."

"Father!" "Listen here, Mr. (Y/L/N)," Aesop growled as he stepped as close to the man as he possibly could, not wanting to cause a ruckus among all of these people. "I will not have you question my wife's honour. She is a Hero in our world, did you know that? Of course, you didn't because your arrogant, pompous ass was too vain to ever reach out to her. I cannot even begin to fathom how someone like you raised someone as wonderful as her. She nearly lost her life as she successfully stopped people so evil they would make your skin crawl from ruining our world. That said," his glare was intense enough to burn the man, "my wife's honour was perfectly intact. You wish to know why? Because our school ensures any untoward things do not happen. You could have known that before you left her for the gallows. Now, you will leave us be. And if I hear of any attempts to reach her, I will personally ensure you will burn in hell. This cripple," Aesop spat the word angrily, "knows how to make it look like an accident."

He pulled (Y/N) away without so much as a second thought, grabbing her arm and walking as fast as his damned leg would allow, hoping that her parents were seated far away from them. 

"Aesop?" his company meekly asked him as they had settled in their box. He was still heaving, his breaths coming out a little erratic as he fought the primal urge to turn around and kill a certain someone. When he finally turned to face her, he looked into her watery (Y/E/C) eyes, relieved to at least see a small smile on her lips. "Thank you," she whispered gratefully.

"Any time."

The ballet was beautiful, possibly the closest thing Aesop had ever seen to magic in the muggle world; the delicate nature of the dancers and the way they were seemingly carried by the music was enchanting. He could see why she loved it as much as he did. The greatest thing, though, was catching her smile. It was so bright and wide, and Aesop couldn't get enough. This was worth every galleon, and he would've emptied his and his family's vault to just get a single glimpse of it again. 

Her father's sperm donor's words continued to run in Aesop's mind as the two of them wordlessly made their way back, apparating and then walking the remaining distance to her hut. She, utterly content and smiling; him, revisiting what the poor excuse of a man had said to his own child nonetheless. He was correct about him; Aesop was but an old cripple, undeserving of someone like her. In some way, Aesop had accepted that he might never be whole, that his best years had long passed and that he was meant to be confined to Bachelorhood for the rest of his days. But when the woman of his dreams stood close to him, so near yet far beyond his reach, all he wished for was to be whole again. 

"Would you like to come in for some tea?" she offered as they reached her hut.

"Yes," Aesop answered without a second thought. This night was bound to end soon enough. He could be selfish for just a few more minutes, relishing in her company, before he would have to ban her from his life.

She beamed at him, the same smile that made his heart skip several beats and that had him wish he could up and kiss her. The smile that was his undoing. Her cabin was as cosy as he remembered, the same smell of fresh pastries and freshly pressed linen and something uniquely her permeating the air and enveloping him in what felt like a suffocating hug. He sat in one of her comfortable armchairs, watching as she waved her wand, her gramophone quietly filling the space with a tune Aesop didn't recognise, her kettle slowly bubbling away on her stove. 

"I want to apologise," she spoke into the silence after a while, still next to her stove as she waited for the water to boil. 

"Whatever for?" Aesop asked. 

"My...father," she sighed. 

"Well, forgive me for being forward, but it is hardly your fault that your 'father' is a raging piece of shit."

He watched as she let out a single laugh that sounded more like a scoff than anything else. "No, it is not, but that doesn't mean I don't feel sorry for what he's said to you in particular." 

"Don't be," Aesop grumbled as he averted his gaze, hoping to end the conversation right there. He didn't want her pity - that would be far worse than her rejection. "He wasn't entirely wrong."

"But he was!" Her ferocious tone surprised him, his eyes finding hers and seeing pure, unadulterated rage in them. 

"I am a cripple," Aesop slowly corrected her. "And I am well above your years."

"You are not a cripple, Aesop Sharp," she seethed at him, further surprising him. "And you are not old. Have you any idea what kind of man my father had me betrothed to? He was fifty when I was thirteen, and the betrothal was finalised."

Aesop clenched his hands into fists at her revelation, wishing to seek out her father to beat sense into him. 

"Simply because the man you were supposed to marry was even older than I was does not mean I am not old nor a cripple," Aesop pressed forth, wanting to run from this conversation, his resolve to leave her hanging by a precarious thread. 

"You are not a cripple," she repeated herself, her voice resolute. 

"I am," Aesop seethed, having risen from his position on the armchair as quickly as his leg would allow, unable to stop himself. "I am but a man whose prime had passed when I stepped into Scarborough harbour. A man who is undeserving of the wonderful woman you are and have become. Surely you must know that a woman like yourself could do far better than me." 

She gaped at him with wide eyes, a million thoughts running through her head. "A woman like me?" she asked, her voice reduced to a whisper.

"Yes, a woman like you," Aesop's resolve had finally broken, and he was incapable of telling her anything but the truth. When she inevitably hated him after this, when she inevitably rejected his sorry arse, perhaps he could move on. "A wonderful, beautiful woman like you. A woman who has given her all for this world and has expected not one thing in return. A woman who is so bloody kind and loving that even I couldn't help but be drawn in. A woman who hasn't escaped my mind, no matter how infuriating she is at times." 

"What –" she gulped audibly, her eyes still wide as she searched his. The air in the room was stagnant as neither of them refused to say anything, though Aesop could feel his heart beating out of his chest, praying to whatever god would listen to him that she would finally get it over with. "What are you saying, Aesop?" 

"Do I actually have to spell it out for you?!" he groaned exasperated, running a hand through his hair as he grew more frustrated than he thought possible. 

"Well, do not get angry with me." "I am not angry." "Well, clearly you are. Look at you." 

Aesop stalked up to her in quick strides, towering over her much smaller frame as he looked down into her eyes furiously, feebly attempting to ignore her comforting scent. "Right then," he growled. "No matter what I bloody do, you are on my mind like a damn pixie infestation. My thoughts of you simply never end. You carry my heart in your hands and do not even know it. I am yours; painfully, I am yours. But it is utterly ridiculous to think someone like you," Aesop stressed, "would ever burn for someone like me." 

Not even wishing to hear her rejection from this point forth, Aesop attempted to turn around to hastily exit her home, only to be stopped by her small hand reaching out for his. He turned back, expecting to see disgust, hate or even contempt in her eyes, but all he found were unshed tears and a look he could not read. 

"You...You care for me?" she cautiously spoke, a small (Aesop didn't believe it) hopeful smile on her face.

"I don't care for you," Aesop gulped, finally allowing himself to speak the words that likely had been on his mind since she stepped back into the bloody castle. "I burn for you."

A sob spilt from her lips, though they simultaneously widened into a smile. "Aesop Sharp," she tearfully grinned at him, "You utter fool." 

Yes, pour salt into the wound, Aesop thought dejectedly. He knew he was a fool for –

He didn't have time to finish his thoughts before the witch he had fallen in love with grabbed the lapel of his coat to pull him down, her soft, plush lips meeting his.

pt. 2 coming soon

[black-feather-fiction]

You said you didn't mind questions so a floodgate has opened:

1. how do Fenrir and Jormungandr EAT? Fenrir has a huge-ass sword driven through his snout and if Jurmungandr ate the regular way then earth's ecosystem would have uhhh.. a bit of a Problem. At first I thought Fenrir was in some kind of stasis, but since Jormungandr can already harness earth's magnetic field or something(I don't have the exact quote at hand) now I'm more convinced that they have a way of converting Seidr into energy, like how fairies can feed off of chaos magic.

2. Would I be correct to assume that the reason Loki didn't free his kids the second he got the reality stone back is because it wouldn't have been naratively satisfying and therefore the Norns wouldn't have allowed it?

3. Loki mentions that they and Fenrir can shapeshift, while Hela can't, but they say nothing about Sleipnir and Jormun. Are those two shapeshifters as well?

4. Why didn't Loki go to Hatchet for help when he was pregnant with the triplets? Was Hatchet somehow off-limits, was Loki too afraid and paranoid to trust even him, or was it internalized transphobia/misogyny(thanks a lot Odin), and Loki thought Hatchet would be ashamed of them?

5. How old is Hatchet? His and Loki's relationship is hard to define, but Tony refers to Loki as Hatchet's godchild during the Alice in the Wonderland arc and somewhere earlier Loki says something along the lines of Hatchet already knowing he would outlive them(Loki).

(Though I know writing fanfiction is your hobby and that one can't explain every little thing in a fantasy world and maybe some of the answers are spoilers so no obligation to answer ig🤷‍♀️)

Oh, wow, so many questions 😆❤️💞. I'll try to answer them as best as I can ❤️❤️💕

1. Yes, Jormungandr is sustained by the magic he harvests from the motion. Fenrir is sustained similarly, partly also by the magic that imprisons him (Odin had to make sure he survives after all) and by the magic of Sutur, and yes, the stasis does help. That said, Fenrir in contrast to Jormungandr is definitely hungry. He's the sibling whose conditions are by far the worst.

Generally, the triplets, including Hela, are a bit of a special case because they are born of the mingling of excess magic - they are literally magic made flesh. So their bodies work differently than those of Sleipnir and Loki, including food consumption.

2. Yes. Far too easy - Loki is not that stupid. And all the infinity stones obey narration first and their wielder only second. This is also why the time stone is especially fickle and almost no one can really use it for much. The power stone, since it's mostly good for destruction and thus not a narratively potent gem, is much less picky.

It takes a very special mindset to wield reality in a way that won't backfire spectacularly - a mindset that Loki luckily has. Always going for the straightforward solution is not part of that mindset however.

3. Good question. I think I haven't specified that yet. But even if they could shapeshift, I think they would be inclined to remain in their current form, while Fenrir would like shifting almost as much as Loki. The sword also serves to imprison him in his current body.

4. Also a very good question - I think that everything that happened after Loki eating Angrboda's heart must be seen in the light of extreme magical, emotional and mental instability. Just like Loki didn't even consider abortion as an option. They just were really not in a good place, full of grief and rage and guilt (they had only just killed their lover and integrated their lover's frigging core), and full of Angrboda's emotions too (who had not been in a "good place" either). Definitely suicidal and not able to think straight. And asking for help is not Loki's biggest strength at the best of times, to put it mildly, which they have demonstrated several times already in the series 😬. This Loki is definitely their own worst enemy.

5. I think that Scyllala has specified Hatchet's age in "Bend around the wind" at some point, and I would stick with that. He should be at least two millennia older than Loki, I think, and as a faeling, he can live virtually forever.

[turb0fox]

✨ Bold the Facts ✨

Got tagged by both @v1ctory-or-sovngarde and @themichibear ! Filling this out for my Rifts PC Bugsy! (I needed help picking from my many many OCs lol)

I've never been great at tagging folks, so if you're a follower/mutual and want to fill it out, consider yourself tagged and feel free to @ me so I can read it as well!

✧˖°. PERSONAL

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed Notes: Bugsy is a second generation mutant bat, meaning that despite being a typically very unlikely circumstance he was born from 2 mutant bats that were created in a lab. Because of this he was born blind and doesn't have the best skeletal structure (on top of having multiple experimental implants and various other testing including those that have effected his strength and metabolism,) and sort of lives outside most class and caste structures on top of the organization that create him (the Coalition) labeling him as Feral for having escaped. He has a very fickle but intimate knowledge that he's sort of living due to the good graces of the current mercenary group he's found himself with and that this could very easily change due to a variety of reasons, even if it's near impossible for him to sit still when he experiences time at a much faster rate than a normal human/humanoid race does.

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable Notes: Despite his birth parents best efforts in the beginning of his life to hide him, once the Coalition had found out about his existence they were essentially forced to hand him over. He does not see anyone of the Coalition, scientist or not as any kind of family.

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES

♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between / highly contextual ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between / highly contextual ♦ leader / follower / in-between♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between / highly contextual♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown / highly contextual Notes: Bugsy has a bad habit of constantly talking, especially when he's anxious (unless he feels like he's in serious danger in which he shuts up pretty quickly.) He's also just far more pessimistic than his outward attitude lets on, though a lot of that is because he can't afford becoming a doomer so he tends to keep his thoughts in the immediate present which also tends to make him look not very smart lol.

✧˖°. BELIEFS

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in the Afterlife: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don't know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in-between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual Notes: Okay so some of these just Are A Thing in his universe, but he does not believe in a higher being. Just beings being beings, some are stronger and more advantaged and that's just how it is.

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / questioning ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all Notes: I wouldn't call Bugsy asexual mainly because he's never really had the room to think about it. His feelings around relationships in general is that they're fragile and prone to break and as soon as they do then life gets more dangerous again. He'll stay in a potential found family but he knows its not set in stone. He knows. He also knows that people don't like the way he looks cause he's built weird and wrong so it's not worth devoting mental energy too.

✧˖°. ABILITIES

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none Notes: Even apart from the experimentations done to him, Bugsy has only ever been a mercenary outside being a test subject and has never needed any of these and therefore has never needed to be taught.

✧˖°. HABITS

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler Notes: Bugsy's M.O.M. implants (Mind Over Matter implants) make his perception of time waaaay different than a normal human's and also fuck over his many other senses, especially his senses of hearing, taste and smell. Everything Is A Lot All The Time And All The Time Happens So Much. He doesn't need stimulants he's already stimulated. Medications could probably help, but good luck figuring out what he needs and then getting him to take it.

[queer-triple-a]

A Shared Experience

Introduction

Hello! For those who read my last post thank you for returning. For those who are new, welcome. 

This post will show you a selection from the journal of a person who lived around Cincinnati, Ohio in 1858. This is the same year as the Civil War started yet there is nothing in the journals I’m showing you that has to do with that. The author does mention the conflict before the story I wanted to share begins, and they do seem to be on the side of the Union. So I do not think I’m sharing with you the story of someone who had confederacy sympathies. I just wanted to make sure that context was here though.

Additionally, the writer of these journals, who goes by both Oliver and Charlotte, uses the phrases “dressed up as a man” and “dressed up as a woman” frequently. They use this terminology to describe what might be interpreted as going out with different gendered presentations. This seems to reflect a fluidity of gender within themselves. 

This terminology might be uncomfortable for some as it reduces their identity to clothing or costumes. However, it’s the language the writer had at the time to express their emotions and actions so we’re going to respect that and use their words. 

I do recognize that this type of terminology can sometimes be hard to hear. If that’s the case this might not be the story for you. Maybe come back next time. 

Without Further Ado here is a selected portion of the journals of Charlotte/Oliver

Discussion of gender as “dressing up” or putting on a costume

Discussions of gender fluid as “two identities”

The Journal of Charlotte/Oliver

[left page]

Do I love my friend Tillie? Absolutely. Does she have an unbelievable skill of tricking me into agreeing to help her when it’s not at all convenient for me? Also yes. 

How on earth am I going to have any semblance of a social life while Jean’s living with me? If it was anyone else's little sister I could maybe manage, any other week and I could maybe be alright with Jean. Next week is gonna be particularly difficult though. Not only does Tillie have her monthly women's luncheon, an event which I will need to dress up as Charlotte for, but Tillie’s husband Hubert is expecting me to go out dressed as Oliver that Thursday night. I bailed on him the last two weeks- I cannot do it again or I may lose that group of friends. I’d like to think they’re not fickle enough to stop inviting me after 22 years of friendship, but lately, David has been quite a grumpy curmudgeon with me so I’m uncertain how long I’d remain in any of their good graces. 

I know Jean needs a place to stay and I know it’s a good sign that Tillie trusts me enough, trusts her friend Charlotte enough, to recommend her sister live with me for a short while- but I’ve been friends with Hubert much longer and he’s never made it feel like if I didn't offer his brothers lodging when they came to town I was a bad person.

It’s not that I don’t like Tillie, or that she’s a bad person. I met her once at Tillie’s and she’s quiet and lovely. I’m just frustrated that this visitor is being imposed upon me.

[right page]

Tillie may not know that I dress as a woman some nights and as a man on others, but I still have a right to privacy. Plenty of people have plenty of reasons for not wanting a visitor to stay at their home for a week or so. 

That’s another thing. She cannot give me an end date. She has essentially asked me to become a free hotel while Jean finds a permanent place to stay in the city. 

I don’t have a roommate because I don’t want a roommate. If this is Tillie's way of trying to make another friend for me she should mind her own business. I don’t have a lot of girl friends, but I like the ones I do have. I’ve only been Charlotte for a few years, and she doesn't know this, but I have plenty of friends as Oliver. Those friends are just guys and not also friends with Charlotte. 

I’m just scared. I suppose I can admit that here. I’m scared Jean will find out and tell Tillie. I can’t lose Tillie. She’s annoying me right now but she’s still my friend - she’s still Charlotte’s friend. I don’t want to lose a friend as Charlotte or as Oliver. 

I’ll just have to be careful I suppose. Figure it out day by day, as if that’s not how I approach every other part of my life.

-

[left page]

Jean has been here for one full day and I have good news on the secret-keeping front. I was able to go out with the boys as a boy tonight and Jean was none the wiser. I left 3 hours earlier than planned so Jean was napping as I donned the hat and clothes I’d chosen for that evening. It felt like a good day to dress up as Oliver so the extra time before dinner was nice. I was probably the only guy at the bar with a hat pin, but needs must when you’re trying to hide a full head of hair. 

The evening went so well. Even David was less grumpy-though he did cuss up a storm when I beat him at pool. He should have seen it coming though. I beat Hubert at pool all the time and David’s only marginally better than Hubert. 

I’m burying the lead-if you can even do that in a journal where you’re writing for yourself. 

Milton came! 

No one told me he would be there and it immediately made the sneaking around worth it. First of all, he is a proper rival at pool, second of all it becomes hard to call someone your best friend when you haven’t seen them in nearly a year. I did not intend to stay out so late, but even after the rest of the guys left, Milton and I played 3 more games while we talked (In total I won 3/5 games). It reminded me of how we’d gotten good at playing in the first place. We spent so many evenings in the late 40s in that bar on 10th street playing until they kicked us out.

[right page]

It was fantastic to catch up with him. He recently moved in with a friend named Joel. They’re in the city together today. I asked why he hadn’t brought his friend tonight, and Milton said he didn’t want to intrude. I insisted that I meet his new close friend. We also agreed to meet for lunch in two days so hopefully, he will bring the man who is making him so happy. 

I stayed out late enough that Jean was asleep by the time I returned so I did not need to sneak too much. I only needed to be sure she didn’t wake from her place on the couch. Now it is time for me to go to sleep as well. 

-

Given what occurred today I would have assumed I had a long story to share, but it wound up being a sort of non-event. I had agreed to get lunch with Milton today so I had to go out dressed as Oliver. I had assumed Jean was out of the apartment because I’d heard the front door open and shut. So I left my room with pants and a tie on. I wasn’t wearing a hat yet so my long hair was visible, but I didn’t shave as close as last night so there was some stubble along my jaw. All this to say I was not Charlotte as I walked out of my bedroom door and straight into Jean. She must have opened the door and then realized she’d forgotten her hat and returned for it.

[left page]

She froze and stared at me as I held my breath. I don’t believe she’s ever met Oliver properly. I thought perhaps she would think Charlotte had brought a man home the night before. It was wishful thinking. I saw realization creep over her face. First, her eyebrows rose then her mouth dropped to an “o” shape. 

I braced myself for -  well I don’t know what. No one’s ever found me out before. I wasn’t sure what was coming but I knew well enough to be afraid. 

Then Jean’s face relaxed. It was more of a curiosity than a shock. She let out a small “huh” sound and looked me up and down. I saw her eyes stop where Charlotte’s chest is normally larger. I wasn’t wearing any feminine undergarments today. As her eyes rose again they landed on my cheeks-dark red hair visible on the surface. 

“Okay,” she said, then shrugged and left the apartment with her hat in hand. I could not say what tone she said the words with, for all I remember is the confusion and relief that “okay” was the only word she said. 

I do not know how long I stood there transfixed in that spot, only that I was late for my meal with Milton. I don’t think he noticed I was distracted because he was quite talkative himself. I asked where his friend was and he told me Joel was busy today, but that we could perhaps meet another time. Then he told me how they’d met and of the many good qualities the man possesses. I was grateful to hear this, not just because it took my attention away

[right page]

from my moment with Jean, but because Milton seemed happy. The two of us have always been close, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him light up like he was at lunch. I insisted again that I needed to meet the man who makes him happy. He smiled at this and touched my knee beneath the table. 

“He makes me very happy,” Milton said to me. There was hope in his eyes. 

I nodded and I think I understood what he was trying to tell me. Regardless of whether these suspicions (which I have held for some time) are true, I intend to meet Joel and congratulate him on the honor of being friends with such a kind and loyal man as Milton. 

I returned home from lunch to see Jean sitting in the living room reading Monsieur Venus. I may owe her an explanation, she may desire answers as to the scene she saw today, but I was so stifled by the costume of Oliver that I ignored her and went to my room. I write this undressed and covered only in a spare sheet. I do not know if I would prefer she see me as Charlotte or Oliver right now-so she will see me as neither-rather she will not see me. Until this confusion passes I shall remain in my room without the perception of others or the prescription of clothing. I can simply be.

-

[left page]

I suppose I ought to journal the day's events in the order in which they occurred even though the end of the day held much more intrigue than the beginning. I don't know precisely why this feels necessary to write in chronological order, but it wouldn’t feel right to begin in the afternoon. 

Well, the first thing of some significance that occurred today was Tillies’ luncheon. It was a lovely day. Hubert had spent much of the night and morning ensuring the brisket cooked well, and then got out of our hair so there were no men around as we ate. 

I spent much of the meal on the fringes of conversation. As Charlotte, I do not have many long standing connections. Tillie is my nearest friend by far, and I only know about a dozen other women, most of whom were in attendance today. Jean was there too of course. Yet despite being Tillie’s sister she left early. She said she had a splitting headache. At the time I believed her. 

Today was a good day to be Charlotte, so I was very grateful to have the company of so many other women. Being in such an environment gave me the confidence to make friends with the women I met. It took me some time to adjust to a few of these women calling Tillie by her Jewish name “Miriam”, as they knew her from Synagogue. Fortunately, as Charlotte, it is assumed that my mother only gave me one name. At least two of the women I met, Beth and Raisel, are coming over in a week to celebrate

[right page]

Shabbat with dinner at my apartment. Fraydel said she would try her best to make it, but she has a toddler so it depends on how much her husband has to drink the night before. Apparently, they rotate between houses for the meal one week every month.  

I think Tillie enjoyed her event as well. She seemed somewhat tired, but from what little I know of pregnancy this is to be expected. I am grateful for Tillie’s invitation and for being able to attend such a party dressed as Charlotte. 

Now I shall write of what I saw when I arrived home. Standing in the kitchen preparing dinner was a man. Or at least that’s what I first thought. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was Jean. She had taken the outfit of Oliver’s which had been in a pile to be washed, and put it on herself. We met eyes for several moments, both holding our breaths. 

The water began to boil on the stove and Jean turned back to it. I couldn’t take my eyes off her though. I know it was rude and not just with hindsight- I knew it was rude while I stared. 

But she looked so at peace standing there. Her arms hung loosely at her side instead of the tense way she’d held them that morning-with her elbows practically glued to her sides. The cut of the jacket did enough to disguise what breasts she had that, had I not known her, I may not have second guessed my original assumption that she was a man. 

I stood long enough to realize that Oliver’s pants did not fit

[left page]

her and she was not wearing shoes-then she cleared her throat and told me it would be a little while yet before dinner was ready. Her voice seemed affected to be lower than normal. 

Dinner was nearly silent as I did not know how to broach the subject and she did not seem to see a need to. So we ate, I as Charlotte and Jean as - well I suppose that may be what is happening. Perhaps Jean also feels the need to be a man sometimes. Well now that I’ve said it-well wrote it- it seems idiotic that I had not considered it before now. 

Well, now I do wish to know if she sees herself as I do-constantly sliding between 2 versions of oneself, never changing yet constantly wishing to. That wasn’t right. It sounds kinda pretty but there must be something in me that changes between Oliver and Charlotte. 

Perhaps Jean has this same... what to call it-confusion? Perhaps it is common, maybe everyone has it and I am merely unable to cope as others do- no I do not think this is it. If it were more common I would have heard of it. Humans are, on a whole, terrible secret keepers. If Jean is like me it must be lucky that we found each other. 

I shouldn’t assume. I should talk to her. I will-soon. Not today though. I need to keep reading this story by Bayard Taylor. I just remembered I was near the end. I shall go read that to distract me from the strange goings on of my life.

[right page]

I had no plans for the day except to clean up the apartment thoroughly, do the laundry, and read the Sunday Papers. I woke up feeling quite certain that I ought to wear my Oliver clothes today. I considered dressing as Charlotte anyway for Jean’s sake, but the idea grated on my mind and I suppose if she can wear Oliver’s clothes while doing women’s work, so can I. It is I who made the clothes Oliver’s anyway... I don’t know if that makes sense... Anyway, I wore Oliver's clothes around the apartment today. Jean definitely noticed. Her eyes lingered on me frequently as I made my way through the apartment. 

The whole day went on like this. She would watch me but pretend she wasn’t as I cleaned and cooked dressed as Oliver. The only thing of note to come out of this exchange was just before dinner. 

Jean said, “Charlotte, would you like help with the cooking?” 

I flinched at the name and before my mind could catch up I was saying, “Call me Oliver.” 

There was a pause and I was quite afraid that by acknowledging what had been silent I would break the spell of acceptance. 

She said, “Always?” 

I blinked back at her for a moment and said, “Just today and just when I wear his clothes.” 

I think it would be too much to say she understood, but she did not question- well she did, but only to say “Would you

[left page]

like help with the cooking, Oliver?” 

I tried very hard to hide the elation this brought me. If Jean didn’t treat this as a big deal neither would I. Yet my heart flew as I accepted her assistance. Jean, who knew me as Charlotte, wasted no time calling me Oliver when requested. 

I write it down now in part to ensure I wasn’t dreaming. Whatever hesitancy I felt at allowing Jean into my life has vanished. She may stay as long as she wants. To live with someone who shows such passive willingness to know me as Oliver and as Charlotte is striking. 

---

Though I was ambivalent about which name I took this morning, I chose to dress as Charlotte. I own more clothes for her so she tends to be my costume for days which feels like a person in between Oliver and Charlotte. 

Perhaps it is a shame I did not look within Oliver’s drawers, for I might have had a warning of what I saw as I left my room. 

The person I knew then as Jean stood looking in the mirror on the wall. It feels false to say I was looking at a woman. At that moment I knew he was a man. I could not describe well what change suggested this to me, but I began to think of his fingers, his tie, his sly smile, his confidence. Actually, it was not his tie. It was mine. All

[right page]

of the clothes were clothes I wear when I am Oliver. And the tie was a mess. I’ve not seen someone tie a tie so poorly in my life. Well, except Milton, but he was exceptionally drunk. 

I didn’t know if I should address the outfit, but I couldn’t leave him looking so unkempt, so I took a step forward, making eye contact through the mirror. I glanced down at his neck.

“Would you like me to tie that?” I asked.

“Are you Charlotte or Oliver?” He asked in response. 

I frowned and thought for a moment, “Call me either,” I decided, “I’ll let you know if I change my mind.” 

He nodded as though this were common, and removed his own hand from the knot. 

We were silent as I moved behind him. I undid his “knot” and began to tie it onto him as I do when I dress as Oliver. As I finished I moved to his front and tightened it with a smile. 

“Thank you,” he said softly. 

“You’re welcome, Jean. Any time,” I responded. 

His eyes dropped to the ground and after a moment's pause he whispered, “Call me Emmet?” 

“Just today?” I asked. 

He shook his head and said, “Always.” 

I nodded and said, “Okay, Emmet.” Had I not been standing so close I might not have noticed the tension release from his shoulders. He looked at himself in the mirror and I stepped away for a moment, moving into the kitchen. He needed a

[left page]

moment with himself, to see the reflection he could cast back. 

I set the water to boil and watched the pot heat. Moments and memories flashed through my mind. Events from my past and hopes for his future. Emmet will not do this alone. As I cooked I decided that I will not let Emmet grow into himself in silent confusion. We can talk about it. We will talk about it. 

We didn’t talk about it today. I couldn’t find the right time or the right words. 

Regardless, neither of us is alone now. 

---

Milton stopped by this morning on the way to pick up his friend Joel from the train station. Apparently, something in their plans changed and he was wondering if I wanted to do dinner with the pair of them tonight. I invited them to eat at my apartment with my roommate and me and they accepted. 

It was only after he left that I realized how rude it was of me to assume Emmet had no plans tonight and that he would want to spend the evening with me, my friend, and his friend who I have never met. He was a little worried when I told him I’d made plans, but seemed excited at the opportunity to be Emmet amongst others. 

We spent the day dressed as men. I went to the market to

[right page]

get food for the evening, and by the time I returned home, he was dressed in clothes I had bought for Oliver. As we started to prepare the ingredients for the stuffed cabbage rolls I confronted him about this. 

I told him we should buy him new clothes, clothes which fit him better. 

He seemed skeptical at this. He seemed skeptical at much of what I said in this conversation. 

First, he asked if I was upset that he had taken my clothes. I wasn’t upset. I had been confused the other day, but I understand more now and I just think he should have clothes of his own. I told him this. 

He asked why buy clothes he would likely just wear around the apartment. I wasn’t sure why he would just wear them around the apartment. Part of the fun of wearing clothes is being seen in them. I tried to ask him about this and he said he wasn’t ready to try to be seen. I accepted that, but still thought it was worth it to wear clothes around the apartment. I see him in the apartment don't I? He shrugged at this, which I tried not to be offended by. It meant a lot for me to share my costumed existence with him. Not that it was hard to do- obviously that was an accident, but it means a lot now. To have someone who I know will change the name they use means a lot. I suppose offense isn’t the right word. I tried not to feel ashamed at what wearing both outfits in front of Emmet means to me. Maybe it’s silly that it means so much to me to have him here. Maybe I was imagining how important

[left page]

this all was to Emmet. 

I’m going down this rabbit hole when I don’t need to. I had all of these worries already today. I don’t think it does me any good to write them down. 

I told him that even before we lived together I would dress up as Charlotte or Oliver depending on how I felt. There was a bit of a pause then he asked why. I tried to put it into words, and I don’t know how good it was. I tried to use big words and talk about seeing myself in the mirror and thinking about myself differently, but now that I’m thinking about it, it boils down to this: It just feels good. I kind of wish I’d said that because it’s true. It just feels so much better to be in women's clothes when I feel like Charlotte than it does to be in men's clothes and vice versa. I suspect it would feel better for him to be in men's clothes too. 

No matter how stumbling what I said had been, my words must have had some effect because he said he would think about it. 

We kept at the cabbage rolls for a while, then continued with the meatballs I had planned. We were using his grandmother’s recipe which his sister had given to me a few weeks ago. Occasionally one of us would ask a question and the other would answer. 

He asked why I switch between names, and I did my best to explain that some days I feel more like I can exist as Oliver, some days I feel like I can exist as Charlotte, and

[right page]

some days I feel a little outside myself no matter who I’m dressed as. 

I asked why he chose Emmet. He said his train conductor had that name when he moved out of his dad’s house. He liked it. 

He asked how I knew his sister and her husband and I told him those stories. 

I asked if he really always felt like he’d rather be Emmet, and he said yes. It seemed to shock both of us to learn how the other felt. I’ve never lived with one name and one feeling for so long, and his has never changed. 

As we finished preparing our meal, he asked about Milton and Joel. I spent the rest of our time together talking about Milton. I told him about how we’d known each other for years and all the time we spent together growing up. I made sure to tell him how good Milton was at pool and how happy he looked talking about Joel the last time I saw him. 

We finished dinner only a few minutes before our guests were set to arrive. I took that time to go find some clothes which were a little more suited for a formal dinner than for cooking around the house for both of us. There were even some pants that were too small for me but fit Emmet perfectly. 

Dinner went really well. Emmet seemed more confident than I’d seen him before, even if he still spoke very little. Milton was, of course, wonderful and I enjoyed our conversation so much. Joel was also great. He’s a black man

[left page]

 who is probably about the same height as Milton, but his hair gives him an extra inch or so which makes him appear taller (though he is still shorter than I am). He seemed slightly nervous at first, but after a few smiles and an assurance that the meal tonight would be Kosher, he settled in. He seems to be a kind and warm man. Soft spoken and intentional with his words. I enjoyed him and it was clear that he makes Milton happy. 

There was something in his eyes when Milton spoke. It was like he also wanted to hang onto every word Milton was saying. They sat close together, their shoulders nearly touching. They knew each other well and clearly had been close for some time. There were unsaid stories that passed between them in glances and chuckles. 

Time passed swiftly between the four of us. Tonight we were four men in companionship.

When dinner had ended Emmet excused himself to his room. He had to be up early the following morning for breakfast with his sister. I was also going to attend that breakfast but felt no need to get more sleep because of it. Joel left to use the restroom, and I was alone with Milton for several minutes before they left. 

He smiled at me as I gave him my review of Joel. He took my hand in his, it was warm. He told me he was glad I liked him and then added, softly, that he loved Joel. I think he expected surprise from me but found none when

[right page]

he met my eyes. I told Milton it was clear that Joel loved him too. He blushed. 

In tender terms, I tried to learn what I could of their relationship. They seem to have met 5 or 6 years ago and they realized they were in love only 3 months ago. I asked about their future and Milton said he didn’t know exactly what it would be, but he knew it would include Joel. 

The pair of them left shortly after Joel returned. I finished cleaning up the living room and put the dishes into the sink to be dealt with tomorrow. 

As I left for my room Emmet came into the hallway. He said nothing, merely pulled me into a hug. I held him for some time. His gratitude for the evening, the day, the week, was palpable as we stood together. When he let go he smiled up at me and retired to his room for the night. I did the same. 

I took off my clothes and set out clothes for myself to wear as Charlotte in the morning. I wasn’t sure what kind of day it would be, but I would face it. And I wouldn’t face it alone.

Outroduction

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this story!

There are at least a few more stories after this! I have a spreadsheet that I’ve been keeping for a while which I’m pulling from. 

Thanks for reading!

(background image of the journal was made using this DeviantArt image)

[dream-meister-translations]

WONDER TEA PARTY - PART 4

━

After that, we tried talking to the other residents, but…

EMMA : All that and we're still no further forward. We'll never get home at this rate…

ROUGE : Now, now, let's just count our lucky stars we at least got a map.

OSCAR : Yes, though, I'm not sure how reliable it'll be…

━FLASHBACK━

PASSING MALE : We used to have a map but it's practically useless now. You know, with the terrain changing every day.

VOLKS : I see, then… Would it be possible for you to draw a map to the best of your most recent knowledge?

PASSING MALE : No problem. First of all, the Chronogram is over… Here.

━END FLASHBACK━

SHAYMIE : Hey, hey, so what do we do now~?

EMMA : I really don't know… I'm most curious about this "Alice" person everyone keeps talking about.

MEL : Yes, they said these strange things started happening after this Alice showed up, didn't they?

MEL : Could she be the reason we're in this mess? I'm sure he knows something…

EMMA : Yeah… But… If we're gonna go looking for Alice, we're gonna need a clue of where to start…

VOLKS : We should continue looking for information. Who knows, maybe something will come up.

VOLKS : From what I hear, Madness and Trampia seem to make up the majority of their population.

VOLKS : I say we visit these places first and ask around.

FELD : Hm? The name Madness sounds familiar…

OSCAR : Maison Madness, right? So you're going to check that hat shop you're always so curious about?

VOLKS : Yes. Wondermare is a country that rarely trades with the outside world.

VOLKS : We can't afford not to cease this opportunity while we still can.

FELD : You're completely self-serving! You're just like Oscar, aren't you!?

VOLKS : Heh. I'm flattered.

FELD : I didn't mean that as a compliment!

EMMA : It's okay, we're gonna be asking around anyway, so we can just kill two birds with one stone.

OSCAR : I have no objection if it means I can find food.

ROUGE : And I have no objection if I can find a drink. So, let's go to Madness!

SHAYMIE : Let's go!

FELD : Tsk… Damn you and your free spirits!

EMMA : Ahahaha…

━

On the way to Madness, night and day switched again.

SHAYMIE : Hahh~? Weren't the stars shining just now~? Oh, well!

EMMA : It wasn't even night for that long… They weren't kidding about their erratic day-night cycle, were they?

ROUGE : Well, one minute I was drinking and suddenly the sun came up. So it's business as usual for me~…

ROUGE : But the hours here really are fickle!

EMMA : Please drink in moderation…

SHAYMIE : Yanno, yanno, Rouge told me the other day that "alcohol is a friend of the soul."

SHAYMIE : See! It's written in my diary.

EMMA : Rouge…

ROUGE : Ah, that cold stare…! It's starting to become a habit!

FELD / MEL : You fool! / You're an idiot…

As much as we laugh at the lively exchange, I also can't help but sigh when I think of the situation we're in…

EMMA : (What if we don't make it back from Wondermare? We're not even close to figuring out what to do for this tea party yet…)

ROUGE : …Emma, why the long face?

EMMA : Huh!?

ROUGE : Lemme guess~...

ROUGE : "We've got a job to host this tea party… What if we don't make it home?"

EMMA : …Yeah. That's about it…

ROUGE : Ahh, how dependable of you. But you know what?

Rouge slowly looks up at the sky. I follow his gaze to find strangely shaped clouds swimming in the clear blue.

ROUGE : If we just wait things out, one day there'll be good weather on the sea route and we can go home then. For now let's take it easy and not stress ourselves out.

ROUGE : It's not every day you get to experience something like this. You have to savor these moments while you can~♪

EMMA : Rouge…

ROUGE : It'll be a good way to relieve stress from a tough job, don't you think?

EMMA : You're starting to sound more like yourself now.

ROUGE : Ah-ha-ha. Guess I've been found out.

ROUGE : But it's also true that I want you to smile.

Rouge's fingers gently stroke my cheek.

ROUGE : It's good that you're a hard worker, but if you work too hard all the time, you'll get tired.

ROUGE : Sometimes you have to complain or slack off, to pamper yourself and enjoy life.

EMMA : …You're right.

ROUGE : If we just relax, finding our way home will be a breeze!

EMMA : Well, isn't that a little too optimistic?

EMMA : (…But… My heart feels a little lighter now.)

EMMA : Rouge…

ROUGE : Hm?

EMMA : Thank you…

ROUGE : No, no. You're welcome.

SHAYMIE : Rouge, Emma! What are you two talking about~?

ROUGE : We're talking about how smiling is the best remedy to any bad situation! See? Shaymie always smiling, too! He gets it!

SHAYMIE : Hehehe, really~? I don't know about all that myself. But…

SHAYMIE : Shaymie loves the way Emma smiles!

ROUGE : We're on the same page there, Shaymie. I do, too.

EMMA : Heh… Shaymie… Rouge… I love your smiles, too.

ROUGE : Waahh!? Shaymie, did you just hear that!? Add that to your picture diary! Emma loves me! You've gotta remember this!

EMMA : Is not that big a deal!

SHAYMIE : Ahaha~♪ I have to do it! I gotta get painting!

[shatterthefragments]

16, 36, 48

I have no idea if I already sent you asks or not. The brain has been fuzzy lately. Feel free to ignore if you've already answered!

No worries!! I am still happy rambly so here’s a cut again:

16. Romantically, do you prefer men, women, both, any/don’t care, or are you aromantic?

I’ll maybe add that right now because Sleep Token is The Fixation I’m perhaps a bit more into men at the moment? But also infatuation is fickle and I have no clue I just love everyone 💖✨

Ooh but also a coworker had a girl she said would be perfect for me and even though it wouldn’t work out bc my poor lungs can’t take smoke and she smokes weed but even when just thinking about her I melt she’s THAT adorable 🥰

Idk. Just. People 🥹

36. What’s your favorite book?

Oh. Oh shit. A favourite… a favourite………… (I am looking at my bookcases) (my sister took a bunch of books though…)

ACTUALLY IGNORE EVERYTHING AFTER LETS GO WITH CALVIN AND HOBBES COLLECTIONS!!!!!!!!! 😁

Hmmm.

Will Grayson, Will Grayson and Ellen Hopkins’ books around 2010 ish are some of the first books I loved that I got and kept. As well as Looking For Alaska.

David Levithan’s Wide Awake I think is the copy I highlighted through my favourite parts?

For amount of rereads: I have lost count of how often I have reread Ellen Hopkins’ books (though her style of prose heavily inspired much of my poetry that I wrote grade 6 onwards and to this day sometimes too even though I hardly remember the stories now) and What They Always Tell Us. I know for sure I read Evernight(?) (Claudia Gray) 12 times before I returned it to the library. I tend to mostly read YA fiction? (I mostly read fanfiction TBH) I adore Maggie Stiefvater’s Wolves of Mercy Falls series so much!! (I had the fortune to go to a writing workshop of hers once!)

I love manga (gosh Fullmetal Alchemist has my heart of course but also some other faves: Our Dreams At Dusk, Genkaku Picasso, Grand Guignol Orchestra, and of course Fruits Basket)

I don’t read much nonfiction despite wishing to. I have a book on Gothic Architecture that I REALLY WANT to read but. Can’t yet. And there’s also a set of architecture books a sailing friend recommended to me but (subject to availability from library) couldn’t read that either even when I checked it out. Will have to try again later. Hopefully the invisible barriers drop.

48. Are you afraid of death?

Yes and no.

Yes because I’m no longer ready for it to be over. There’s so many friends to see, food to try, things to go and do, hobbies to learn and partake in, oceans and beaches to visit, things to cook, people to love, animals to pet etc etc like?!? You know what?!? Even if I just spent the rest of my time learning how to make music that’s so much time?!? There’s never going to be enough time to do everything I want to so I CAN’T CUT MY TIME SHORT!!! I just have to try to make the most of it and drag myself out of my Misery Hole when I can’t see it. There’s so many things I want to do and try and places to go!! Even just within a couple hours of where I live!!! I want to go pet some alpacas!! And there’s no reason why not!! one day I can make a day trip and go drive to go do this?! And tattoos to get! Art to make and admire!! So many endless possibilities!! (So many I can never choose ack) so I’m scared I won’t get to try to do even half of the things I want to. Or go to even one other continent. Cuddles too!!

And no because everything is kind of. A gift at this point? I never thought I’d live this long and don’t really have much of a plan. I definitely thought I’d be dead five+ years ago (whether by my own hand or getting clocked and murdered bc I DEFINITELY watched Boys Don’t Cry too young and I’m left with no memories but abject fear from it)

And I think that I *will* be scared when the time comes because I have a lot of regrets etc and I want to keep going for as long as I can and just. Enjoy what I can. Try to make things better if not hugely at least for my friends. And just. Take the highs when I can get them 😁

Reminder to myself to attach one of the things that popped into my head at reading this question: because even though Desperation to not be here anymore and not have to suffer still has me in its grips. Like? I’ve clawed my way out (and I’ll do it again) and I want to continue living. I want to live to the best of my ability. I want to make a home for myself. In my space. In my body. In my mind. And so I will do my best to.

[blacksunscorpio]

Aphrodite No. 1388

Have you ever found yourself inexplicably fascinated with Hollywood sex symbols, fashion, arts, or general glamor? You've probably chalked it up to your Venus placement or stellium in the 2nd or 7th [The houses Venus rules] but what if I told you that might not be the only reason?

Yes, Asteroid Aphrodite No. 1388 is the placement you may want to peep. Especially if she's making prominent placements or aspects to your inner planets. Note: Pay attention to conjunctions/squares/oppositions the most and orbs within 0-3 degrees. Trines and sextiles are of note but only if they are respecting inner planets, the ascendant, and at the aforementioned degrees.

So let's get into it:

Aphrodite in Mythology

was the goddess of sex, love, beauty, passion, fertility, prosperity, and procreation. She was also patron goddess of prostitutes and believed no one should leave this world a virgin. She was wife of the god Hephaestus, god of blacksmiths and fire but also the most notable lover of Ares [her 'Soul mate'. So what does she represent in the birth chart?

All of the above.

Asteroid Aphrodite in her elevated expression is all about love, beauty, talent, and sex appeal. She is compassionate and generous. Independent, strong in her femininity, and charming. This asteroid has the ability to see beauty in everything and has an innate knack for creativity and artistic talents. A developed and healthy expression of sexuality and passion [not the toxic kind but the kind true love stories are made of]. She's all positive pleasure and sensuality. Body positivity and healthy expressions of sex.

In her base or lower expression, she's a bit like a toxic Lilith. She'll manifest as using attractiveness for underhanded means. Infidelity, repression of the sexual drive, callousness in love or arrogance based on vanity, vanity in general, sexual manipulation, fickleness, fixation of impossible standards of beauty, or superficiality regarding aesthetics. [Basically everything wrong with fashion and beauty today.] She can also manifest in the 6th house and/or ill-aspected as those who suffer from body dysmorphia or those who suffer from eating disorders due to these impossible beauty standards. Physical perfection becomes an obsession.

Now, if you have this particular asteroid prominently based in your chart, you may find that you value beauty, pleasure, and romance. There might be a taste for refined aesthetics and/or one can just be naturally gifted with creativity and art. Career-wise, one could find themselves drawn to jobs that revolve around fashion, interior design, modeling, make-up, photography, cooking, etc. If she's touching Mars or in the 8th, one could find themselves making sex work a part of their career as well.

Aphrodite in the signs

Aries: Two words: Sexuality promiscuous. Like the sign of Aries, the fire burns hot then goes out. Freedom and independence are paramount and they value those who see things similarly. Getting too emotionally invested in others is not appearing to them in any way, here for a good time, not a long time. Sporty aesthetic. Athleisure. Sex will likely be hard and fast.

Taurus: Love of the material. Base-level treasure seekers. However, they are typically quite attractive and even look pleasant when they don't put much effort in. Follow trends and keep up with the day-to-day fashion world. Most likely an Instagram fashion influencer. Love of glitz and glam. Shinier the better. Diamonds are their best friend.

Gemini: Serial fuckers. Literally, this aphrodite placement will have a full black book of names. A thousand notches on the belt. A million notches on the bedpost... well, you get the idea. Very charismatic and uses their intelligence to seduce. Sapiosexuals. Stimulate their mind and you might keep their attention... for an hour as opposed to 15 minutes like the rest. Will know everyone and everything about everyone. Life of the party and will charm with their wit.

Cancer: The emotional lover. Don't let this food you though, hurt them and they'll pull out their pincers. This Aphrodite placement loves to be nurtured and taken care of and will often do the same. Mood affects appearance. Charms using one of two things: their hard to get energy [Crabshell] or their love of family and togetherness [4th house]. No in-between, really.

Leo: Worship me vibes. Lovers of attention. This placement is very prideful. They don't like to share [their lovers] at all. Typically though, because of their love of the spotlight, their fashion sense is impeccable. They are hard to miss and will usually light up a room. Ignore them and you'll wound them.

Virgo: Immediate/outwardly "perfect" appearance. Because of this sign's attention to detail, they are often very pristine in their approach. Clean sex- the type in the shower or when one is freshly groomed around the genital area. Will use their "perfection" to pull the cream of the crop in the dating pool their way. This placement can go far in the fashion world and may even become designers. Often do well as dancers or some sort of aesthetic career that involves "precision".

Libra: Serial Flirt. With Aphrodite here, it's like getting a double shot of Venusian energy. Pleasant, charming... naturally beauties not unlike Taurean Aphrodite's. Don't mind casual sex or casual flings but prefer relationships. Very focused on aesthetics and, like Virgo Aphrodites could go far in their fashion world or make-up pursuits. Can be very superficial.

Scorpio: Alluring vibe. They WILL fuck a lot. It's in their nature. Will be loyal if they are in a committed partnership though. Can give off scary vibes or RBF but they feel things deeply. Their aesthetic is dark colors, black as elegance, an intimidating style that appears edgy. Artistically may enjoy all things Tim Burton.

Sagittarius: Vagabond vibes. Eternal traveler. Eternal nomad. Epitome of promiscuity here. However, quite laid back. Their aesthetic probably has something to do with maps or cartography. Bohemian energy with pictures or fabrics from the far east or even Africa. Most likely has a buddha head somewhere in their home. Speak to them in an accent or different language to turn them on.

Capricorn: Independent vibes. These aphrodite placements are not keen on sharing their lives too much with others. Very business-like. Sexually though, they are insatiable. Machines. They like things to but black tie or button up. This does not mean they aren't laid back, they just like things to be all work with very little play until said work is done. Name brands and expensive suits/dresses? They're all about that. It's a status symbol thing. What Caps are famous for.

Aquarius: Avant-garde vibes. This placement will cut their hand off before they lose their freedom. More vagabond-esque than Sag tbh. Will love a style that shocks you or is out of the ordinary. Not traditional in any sense. Their sex will be kinky or they'll prefer it to have some sort of spice. Missionary? Nope. Expect a toy or ten. Pansexuals. Free love. Don't try to get them to commit unless they're ready.

Pisces: Subtle vibes. Subtle style. Dreamy style. Sexually they need to be emotionally connected. May find themselves falling in love often with the idea of someone than the reality of them. Lovers of the grunge and druggy era. 90's vibes are their aesthetic with a touch of the ethereal. Messy art studios, messy hair, even messier love lives. Might attract co-dependent types. Day-dreamy.

[the-final-sif]

FAQ

“Who are you?”

I’m Sif (she/her/they/them)! I’m a writer, an artist, and I will literally never stop talking. I have an African gray named Cecil, and I love him very much.

“Where can I find you?”

Here on Tumblr, On A03 as Rosae or Sif  - Or on the dreblr discord server

Discord is the fastest way to get in contact with me, asks on tumblr can get eaten and DMs on tumblr are weird for me. I'm not active on any other platforms

“When will x/y/z update?”

I don’t know. Don’t ask me or leave comments pestering me about updating things. I have adhd, and fanfiction is a hobby that I do for myself, so I work on things as I’m able to. My focus is fickle and I tend to jump from project to project, because that’s how I have fun. When it comes to my hobbies, me having fun is the whole reason I do them. Pestering me just makes me want to do it even less. Seriously.

“Can I send you asks about x/y/z? Do you mind talking about x/y/z?”

I'm not going to be upset about any ask sent in as long as it's in good faith, but that doesn't mean I'll answer every ask I get. If I don't answer an ask, it means that I wasn't sure on an answer, I'd answered the question before, or I just didn't feel like it. Odds are it's nothing personal, if I have an issue with someone or something, then I block.

That all being said, I don't answer questions asking for personal information of any kind unless it's something I've publicly discussed. I also prefer that people do not use tone indicators in asks, or if you must, please use full words and not acronyms. I'm pretty good at reading tone in text to begin with, and I run under the assumption most asks are in good faith.

“Can I use your idea/headcanon/etc in my fic/art/etc?”

Yes! People are always welcome to use my ideas/headcanons/etc with credit. You can create stuff set in my AU/make your own takes on them. All I ask is that you don’t copy my stuff word for word (ie reposting), and give credit if heavily referencing my works. You do not need to ask my permission to use my stuff as inspiration, but if you do create something 100% feel free to tag me/send it to me! I love seeing this stuff!

“Can I repost your fic/artwork/headcanon/etc?”

Probably not. I’m okay with my chat posts and non-fictional PSAs/advice posts being reposted to other platforms (with credit). For anything else, I do not allow reposting unless you ask me first (that being said, I do sometimes give permission when asked, it just depends on the post and platform you want to repost on). Translations and Podfics are absolutely fine though!

“Will you tag (specific trigger) or (spoilers)”

Probably not, sorry! I’d like to say that I could, and I try to tag major triggers & spoilers when I remember to, but again, ADHD means I tend to be pretty scattered brained and my tagging is pretty inconsistent as a result. I don’t want to promise to tag stuff when I know I’ll probably forget at some point.

“Do you take requests/commissions/art trades/do collabs/have a ko-fi?”

I do not take formal requests or requests for unrelated fandoms/characters/etc. I love talking with people and discussing ideas, but that’s entirely on my own terms. You can still always ask me about my AUs or offer specific ideas, but if I decide to write anything for it is all up to me.

I am not currently taking commissions, but I do take them every so often when the mood strikes. I already work to support myself, and as I’ve said before, fandom is a hobby for me, so I prefer to spend that time creating things at my own pace. Since I get people asking about it, I do have a ko-fi but please don’t feel obligated to send me anything.

Art/fic trades and/or collabs are a solid maybe at any given time, depending on what I have on my plate. Hit me up on discord if you want to talk about it.

[thed4rkhand]

planets through the first house

Planets through the first house

Ready for yet another astrology post? We’ll be covering the results of different planets when placed in the first house of a birth chart. Remember that astrology is super fickle and changes dramatically with sign placement, aspects and conjunctions. So without any further delay, lets get into it! Do reblog and like, it took me a lot of effort to compile my observations! Feel free to leave feedback!

Trigger warning- too many, these are just my observations. Also i didn’t proof read, so spelling mistkes could be there.

for Rahu, look at the saturn part. (north node)

for ketu, look at the mars part. (south node)

Sun in the first house-

When sun is in the first house of a birth chart, the person may be heavily influenced by their father. They may look like their father or have a similar personality. Such people tend to be perfectionists, its their way or the highway. They may have a tendency to gain weight easily, however if its in scorpio then they’ll dramatically shed it and gain it, in a loop. They are extremely magnetic people. They may deal with foreigners on a regular basis, or speak a foreign language. They may deal with the government very often and may work for the government as diplomats. They may obtain their higher education abroad. They can remain quite childlike till much older. They can be very protective of their community, traditions and religion, and aim to spread awareness about it. These people are actually rarely concerned with someone’s exterior, because often times such people have such good intuition and spiritual powers (some are literally called mystics because of this), they can literally see through someone. For this reason, they actually don’t like associating with too many people, despite having a very charming personality. These are the kind of people that keep searching for ‘the one’. People may approach them regarding projects first, and they may work for the government. They may have extremely powerful enemies, but they shall defeat them. They may be closer to their mother’s family and culture. They may have a peculiar accent when talking, and many people will compliment their speech. They may have frizzy and big hair. They’ll have heavy acne in their younger years. They’ll have small squinted eyes, often accompanied by crows feet. They’ll appear much younger, and so will their mother. Their mother might be very short. They hate being indebted and like paying off loans quickly. They’ll have beautiful hands, and they have a habit of growing their nails. Many of them like to sing. Their father could’ve been a teacher or worked in heavy research based fields, maybe even a musician or doctor. Their life may go through rapid ups and down throughout. They may be extremely fond of cattle and horses, and hate flying. They may interject and cut people off in conversations. They will fall for married people or people in relationships, they will be good cooks and feel alienated by their mothers. They may wear glasses early on, and also they’re into fire rituals or fire. (pyromaniacs?). you will critique people and say terrible things you don’t mean when angry. You will have a large forehead or a receding hairline. You’ll have nightmares and premonitions about death and illness. You might be very very fond of gold or golden colours. You will be argumentative.

Moon in the first house-

When moon is in the first house of a birth chart, the person is heavily influenced by their mother. They may resemble their mother or have a similar personality. Such people are extremely moody and are always preoccupied with other’s opinion of them. They may have a tendency to fluctuate between their body weight, and are likely to have body dysmorphia. They have short necks and generally are short in height too. They’re very critical and over-analyze everything and everyone. Sometimes, even unconsciously, they manipulate people to suit their needs and whims. They get side tracked too often and have difficulty focussing on one task at hand, often amounting to laziness in other people’s eyes, even if the native is extremely hardworking in reality. However when in comes to personal care, they tend to do things in a very half-hearted manner. These people are also prone to isolating themselves from others, especially when things get hard. Such  people tend to be famous or popular in friend circles, or at the very least well known. They can be extremely picky people and often can be obsessive in their thoughts. They may follow their mother’s footpath professionally, and may want to pursue fields related to law, beauty/architecture and biology. Their mother’s were very involved in their life. Such people are always on the internet trying to look up astrology posts, tarot, etc. They like knowing whats going to happen and like to be prepared for it. They can be extremely manipulative when they want to be. They may see a lot of prophetic dreams, and their mother or them often have pressure buildup in their ears or can hear random sounds or voices. They enjoy looking at stars and the night sky. They enjoy a strange fascination for water and looking at people’s eyes. They could be into massaging people or have ‘healing hands’, or their mother could.

Venus in the first house-

When Venus is in the first house of a birth chart, the person is heavily influenced by their colleagues, significant others, or their families. They’re extremely swayed by people’s opinions of them, and often because of this are very unsure in their abilities. Big doe-like yes are often seen with this, and an inmate ability to gain beer-blotches on their face. They attract people to them. They may have bad relationships with their families, and their mother could have had a miscarriage just before them. They can be hyper sensitive regarding taste, smell and sound. They may be excellent singers or play musical instruments. They dress up glamorously for parties, but when at home or alone, they’re usually roaming around like they’re homeless. They suffer depression if they’re not looking their best even, heavily into working out and grooming. They may be extremely religious or spiritual and may mediate a lot. They explain concepts very well and can be some of the best teachers around. They usually attract female friends. They love the smell of musk and love digging deep and researching, even stalking. They could be into ancient civilizations and history, photography and art, gardening and plants, fascinated with concepts of violence and death. They sit on their bed and work, they love the sound of fire crackling and fireplaces, they gain when in relationships and love asmr sounds. The most competitive people ever and so very possessive of their own goods, also back and forth with morality (eg. One day spiritual and the next they love material goods, one day vegan and then back to being a non-vegetarian)

Mercury in the first house-

When mercury is in the first house of a birth chart, the person is heavily influenced by what extended family or acquaintances think of them. Such people are also very concerned about their health, and can be hypochondriacs. They may also at all times think that people hate them, without any reason. They could be great speakers or orators or writers. They can have a great imagination, that is extremely vivid and unique, especially as a kid. They may want to pursue careers related to beauty with such a positioning, or even theatre or music. They may have a very unique appearance, and may appear androgynous. For women, they could look like their fathers, and for men, they can look like their mothers. They may be into research and like getting to the bottom of a matter. They may always have this appearance of half-closed eyes, they never open them fully. This gives them this drowsy look. They love making spread-sheets and calculating their expenses. They could have liver or kidney issues. They may get into occult due to their siblings. A lot of transformation comes into their life due to their family and pets. They may want to live abroad. They may have addiction issues to substances like alcohol and drugs. They may have troubles with their father. May cause rifts between your mother and your father too, causes them to have a love-less marriage. They may be called snake-like, dream of snakes and walk with a very purposeful walk, they kind of sway alot. They may be extremely secretive in life. You may have lactose intolerance, and may be envious of other people’s success. You or your parents have a lot of unaccounted wealth. Such people could hear voices in their heads, see prophetic dreams and have fears of the deep water. This could make someone very tall as well. May be fond of children and old people. Either extremely thick eyebrows or no eyebrows. Dimples are very common. Long necks and dark circles, deep sunken eyes. Very cutesy appearance. Skin is discolored and if the position is afflicted, skin diseases are common. Long hands and loves instruments like the piano. You can separately raise your eyebrows and the most, I mean the most, theatrical ones.

Mars in the first house-

When mars is in the first house of a birth chart, they’re very conscious of their own opinion, or are always thinking that someone may be watching them, like paranormally. Also, they’re largely confident in themselves, for they don’t really pay that much attention to others. In fact they’ll go out of their way to rebel. They could have suffered through acne, heat boils and other skin diseases. They have frizzy or curly hair, and very reddish complexions. These are the people who blush so easily and prominently. You may have skin scarring with this, as simple as acne marks and freckles, to larger scars and burns. So expressive, the type of people who can separately raise their eyebrows. They tend to be the type who change their appearance so very often, from weight fluctuations, to piercings, to hair colors, wardrobe rehauls, and all. They can have an element of looking foreign or different. They may have huge eyes and they’re almost protruding or absolutely sunken, massive cheekbones or hallowed out cheeks. They may have this mysterious look to their eyes, and this always sad or lost look. Eyes are very red, and often they have issues like sinus or nose is always blocked or watering. They may have hidden wealth, also the type of people to have the type of personality where you would never suspect they’re into occult. They are very close or have some karmic relationship (could be negative) with their father’s brothers. They also always think about escaping, largely to forests and retreating there for a bit. Very into finding cures and deep research. Also love dears, might worship shiva and are addicted to coffee. Also fasination with the moon. People might attract stalkers with this. Hoarders and so critical everything and everyone, especially hoarders of photos. Photographs memory and love for photography and art. Love for music and music instruments, and may own one and keep it in their room. Fidget by tapping pens or feet, have to make a sound. Can be argumentative and terrible tempers. They love garlic and onion and root vegetable stuff honestly. Also weird affinity for horses and speed. Also they love seats with hand-rests, the comfy sink into ones. They’re the types who go for the head of the table seat. Also we’re you born via a c-section and not natural birth? Something is off about your birth, could be the only child.

Saturn in the first house-

When Saturn is in the first house of a birth chart, it makes people extremely unconventional and almost a social outcaste. They can sometimes have these half shut lazy eyes, where their eyelid is heavy and big, and they always appear to be drowsy. They may be alarmingly fond of animals, especially large wild animals. Also they’re absolute perfectionists, they just get up and destroy the things they created and don’t like. Also rain or thunder ASMR. They’re also neat freaks, they like their stuff kept a particular way and don’t go around cleaning their room or touching stuff. They are usually influenced by their mother and are quite close to them, unless you’re born in the evening or night time, then you’re absolutely like your father, resemble him and act like him. They may hear a lot of sounds very regularly, in their head. Could be schizophrenic or just hear loud thumping sounds. Possible love having musically instruments in their house and could play one, or they know a lot of musicians. They may be the youngest in their peer groups or colleagues, sometimes oldest. They do have old-soul personalities though. They love doing volunteer work at shelters and looking out for the underprivileged. Their upbringing could have been strict. They make friends from around the world, you’ll actually notice that they might have a lot of middle-eastern friends or be intrigued by their culture. They could have problems with their backs and legs. Further, they may be very no-nonsense strict teacher kind of person. They can also alternatively be the life of the party person, or both really. They could either be extremely happy and jumpy in public and really broody in private, or the other way around. They work so hard yet rarely get results. They suffer through a lot of ups and downs in life. Usually this gives an innate ability to lose weight and appear rather slender, also tall. This usually gives some kind of unique features to the face, large eyebrows, pointy cheekbones, small mouths, exaggerated features and this kind of drugged up look in their eyes. For women, this gives a curvy look to the body, with great breasts (in relation to proportions). People love cheese here, also they are great with children. They get blamed for cheating or other issues when they haven’t done it. You go against dogmatic thinking. You may attract men and women. Great looking feet and omg the obsession with shoes? Stop it already, you don’t need more. Also stop looking at the watch and making schedules, stop being obsessed with time, or really stop procrastinating.

Jupiter in the first house-

When Jupiter is in the first house of a chart, one is usually undeniably lucky in life. People with this placement tend to be tall, and if not then they have a big bone structure. They will have beautiful feet. They gain weight easily. They are heavily influenced by their fathers and spouses. They like scholarly debates and discussions and dislike arguments. They are fond of foreign cultures and the other dimensions, they believe in religious interventions and god. They can be a bit conservative in nature. They were either born in a comfortably rich household or will have it later. They or their parents own more than one property. Their mother has bad health, and could’ve fallen sick after giving birth to them or never had children after them. Their mother is spiritual. They could obtain higher education abroad. They could be into fields of liberal arts, especially law and academics (like wanting to become professors), they could alternatively also be musically inclined. They will have an enchanting speech and aura, and people will commend their oration. They can be into writing. They could enjoy traveling a lot. They keep looking for love, it is one of their priorities even from a young age. They feel connected to spirits or gods, and often feel that there is something off or unique about them. They may have clairvoyant abilities and may practice activities of the occult or astrology. They usually have on and off relationships in life. You chase people you like. You need intellectual compatibility in a relationship. Very choosy about clothes, friends, vacations and all. Don’t wake them up from sleep, they love sleeping, or alternatively never get enough sleep. You do things smartly, not with hardwork. You may be interested in real-estate. They get into spirituality very young, around 16 when Jupiter matures. They pretend to be more knowledgable than they are in certain areas, might fib. They’re proud of their occult knowledge. Their is a polarity in their personality that everyone sees and what their close friends see. Maybe they’re extroverted outside and very introverted inside. Or maybe they have family issues and never speak about it. Could be anything. Also a polarity in wanting material gains like status, success and money, and wanting liberation and wanting to become spiritual. They keep going back and forth. Also they keep changing their opinions on things. Notice they have good hands too. Also acne and scarring. Terrible tempers, and can be asexual or aromatic, or just don’t like to show that side to themselves. The letter ’t’ may be relevant to them, either in their name, their family, or their spouse. Don’t invoke spirits of the dead please, don’t keep trying to shift realities either, chill. They keep their nails long. People usually don’t know that a native is into occult, as they have a very different outside persona.

[life-rewritten]

TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE TRAUMAS AND UNSETTLING REGRESSIONS

The anger, the anguish, and upset I feel from the last moments of episode 10 are unspeakable. I can not believe how flawed and disgusting some of the parents are in this show. And I'm not particularly eager to write when I'm emotional and entirely overtaken by anger and sadness, but I also wanted to address immediately because this essay isn't about the love triangle. I couldn't give a hoot about the love triangle; I don't care what side people are on, because I think it's ridiculous that, that's what people came out of this week's episodes and focusing on. Like really, we're still doing this Suho vs Seojun nonsense, like make it make sense? Like no one is perfect, no one is a monster, all of them are just characters and yes Suho is problematic, Seojun also is, Jukyung this week was even more so, everybody likes to focus on their bias and forget that it's not that deep, it's okay to call out Suho on his mistakes but to sit there and fangirl about Seojun as the best hero boyfriend or whatever, when this episode had so much more depth to it, that's ridiculous. Anyway everyone is free to have their own opinions, but I can't believe that this tag is still full of Suho hate, absolutely absurd.  Back to the actual focus of this essay, what can I say True Beauty has always been about PTSD, trauma and the pain and suffering of our main characters, how that has shaped them, changed their mindsets on themselves, hindered them from growth, love and happiness. In Episode 9 and 10 all our characters with masks apart from Seojun who just kept growing regressed and fell apart because of past reminders of their traumas. Let me explain more as we get into it.

First of all, one of the most critical vital themes of this episode is about Secrets, especially how secrets can cause disconcert, miscommunication and chaos. All of the characters hold some kind of secret from their respective partners, family, friends, etc., and in hiding these secrets, they lose their positive attributes because of how stressed they are by the secrets, how ashamed they feel from the secrets and how afraid they are about what the reveal of the secrets would cause. Most importantly, we see Suho, Soojin and Ju Kyung spiral into regression because of the consequences of their masks and secrets.

Ju Kyung: A flashback to the past

Truthfully I was very peeved of by Ju Kyung these two episodes, but I mean it's evident that this was going to happen as mentioned before, Ju Kyung has severe PTSD from her past with bullying and suffering because the world made her feel inadequate and worthless because of what she lacks. Although Kyung ends up with someone who completely sees her for who she is, is supportive and by her side completely, Kyung can't help but question this blessing as a curse. This is what self hate, and self-deprecation does, immediately she receives something good for her, Kyung starts to withdraw in fear because some part of her can't believe she deserves to be happy and satisfied with Suho. Now, as I said, I was annoyed, but also I saw her reasons loud and clear and I understood them because I related to them as well. Let's first look at the situation that occurs to cause her to spiral.

Her secret is that she's dating Suho. Pause. Now at first she's hesistant because of the fear of bullying and being noticed and being pushed into the spotlight because of his reputation. However, because of him being him, taking care of her, making her feel brave and loving herself (he does so much to show her she's okay being her self), she decides she doesn't care if the secret is out. Unfortunately for Kyung, another secret is revealed; Soojin her new best friend someone, who she's so close to has feelings for Suho. In fact, she also has really fascinating and important reasons for why she believes Suho should be hers. Now, this is what truly causes Kyung's trauma to appear again, and she becomes a mess of emotions because she has spiralled back into self-hate and self-deprecation. Let me explain.

Losses and Fears

In order to understand why Kyung's trauma is actually more profound than it seems because it does feel quite dramatic and unimportant with the reveal of other people's secrets and situations, her crying about Suho not understanding her and why she's struggling seems really overdramatic and not needed. But let me take you back to episode 1, Kyung has been in this situation before, and this situation led her to want to take her life. Let's review

In episode 1,  Kyung was confident and happy in her self; she had a crush on a guy who made her smile, comfortable, and one of the people who paid attention to her and cared for her. Now this guy she had feelings for, as she confessed; she discovered he had feelings for another person, someone more prettier, popular and matched for him as people put it. This led to her confession with this guy bringing out the worst side of him; it led to her also losing her best friend who she relied on because she went to the popular girl out of fear, it led to her being taunted and broken by people making her feel like how dare she even think she could confess. You have to realise what they're saying to her, one she's not worth having a guy pay attention to her because of her looks, two she shouldn't try even to get someone's attention because the right person will find that person and they'll realise their mistake in associating with her, three, friendship and people are fickle, and she'll always be alone if she tries to do what she wants.

So back to our situation, Kyung has finally found a safe space. The beginning of episode 9 she reveals one of her secrets (part of her growth) to Soojin who completely protects and stays by her side. Soojin becomes the best friend she could ever have, she relies on her and is happy because of her. So she's regained a new best friend, but also she's found, love. A guy has thoroughly chosen to be with her despite her looks and whatnot (she thinks), this guy is a complete package, he's a prince, he's too good to be true, he protects, he's warm, and he makes her feel safe. (Just like the other guy did), lastly, she's also now found a place with her peers, she's no longer looked down on, and everyone likes her. There's a lot in her mind at stake if she chooses to reveal to Soojin the truth. It just makes her vulnerable, and it makes her more likely to lose everything, she finally regained by wearing her mask. It makes her return to that mindset in episode 1, where she felt she was worthless, and useless, a burden, and she should take her life. So her trauma is ingrained in her and causes her to spiral into self-doubt, fear, and hate just because she's gone through this before.

Lies and Masks

Now the past situation made her feel one thing; people are fickle. No matter how much Suho is here for her and says he wants her, his love is fickle. It can change, he just needs to find the right person, the smarter person, the prettier person, the more affluent person who matches him. Soojin is that. But even more from what Soojin is saying to her, Suho is just exactly like how he is with Kyung. He's protective, he's apparently warm, and he goes out of his way to make Soojin feel safe when he doesn't do that for anyone. In her head, he just hasn't realised he wants her the same way he wants Kyung cause she makes him care. And we all know what happened when someone else found another opportunity where the girl of his dreams wanted him, the cruel words he said, the way he pushed her away, Kyung feels like Suho has every right to do the same because she feels like she's not in his league. Because people; her mum, her bullies, her ex-friends, even strangers have made her feel like she's not meant to be perfect for him because she's dumb, ugly and has nothing to offer apart from makeup. And that's just painful and heartbreaking. What is she to do in this situation, losing Soojin is already painful because that's someone who she also holds in high regards in her life, someone who she depends on as a friend.

But it's not just that. As I said, she believes people's love and care for her is fickle. Actually, Soojin is proving her right without her knowing, Soojin isn't being a good friend. She's going behind the scenes to manipulate Kyung, making her feel listless knowing she's dating Suho. But the issue is Soojin also knows her without her mask, her deepest fears, her deepest secret, she has a weapon if Kyung tells her she's dating Suho. If Soojin switches, Kyung reverts back to her episode 1 self where the whole school sides with the popular girl, and she reveals the truth about how she looks without makeup. She loses not just her best friend but also her new safe space and she regresses back into the girl on the rooftop broken and exhausted of being alive.

Real vs Fake

And that's the painful thing because the reason why Kyung believes people are on her side is because of her mask of makeup and beauty, Suho thinks he likes her because she is pretty with her makeup at least, Soojin became her friend because she felt she was different and prettier, and people in the school rate her high because she's pretty. It's all about how much her mask has helped her be reborn as she said to Selena. But because she knows her mask isn't real, these people's feelings, and loyalty, friendship also isn't real, she has to keep up this facade to keep it accurate, and to stay in this lie she's created as long as she's safe, happy and able to walk around freely being her self. Something people refused her to do before because she had no right to be satisfied being ugly and dumb. So you see it's actually genuinely traumatic and painful what she's dealing with.

However, the painful thing about the fickleness of feelings is that Kyung has Suho and Suho has been in love with her and has been consistent with his care for her from the time he knew her without her mask. Since they were kids. Suho spent the whole episodes being grateful that he had her as his girlfriend, wanting to show her to the world, wanting to be with her, and Kyung's need to keep secrets was pushing his feelings, and his fears and his worries aside because she was more focused on prevention and protection. Now Suho doesn't care for other people or see other people the way he sees Kyung, for him Soojin is barging into his life without needing to be there, he told her this, but he doesn't see it as a big issue to tell Kyung she's there because she's not important. But Seojun is important, Seojun has already told him how he feels for Kyung, and Kyung seems pretty reliant and close to Seojun who keeps crossing the line sometimes (like coming to her house and staying when her boyfriend is there, competing and what not) this is what causes him to get agitated and tell her the way he knows how. 

He's had no parental care, no training, no nurturing to know what's wrong and right, he's been forced to deal with his issues on his own, and he isolated himself from people, we can see he struggles with relationships, and he's trying to navigate it. So it's not okay for him to act possessive and controlling over who she should be with, but it also makes sense with his character when he doesn't know how to show emotions appropriately, and he's jealous and worried because she's being happy and close with Seojun in one corner and avoiding his calls and him in the other. It doesn't make sense. This is what I was peeved off at her for. Both Kyung and Suho are in the wrong in this situation, not just Suho.

Speaking of Suho, let's talk about this episode, his secrets as Leo and the reveal of how Seoyeon got set up.

Suho; A memory of regrets

Now the frustrating thing about this situation is; I can't fathom humans that do this, I can't understand how cold and heartless someone can be that he drives someone to take their life, and he still acts nonchalant and cold about that person because he doesn't care about rookies. Suho's father is incredibly disgusting as a human, and I completely can't stand him. The reveal that Seoyeon's demise was because he wanted to cover up a dating scandal, his son's best friend, who his son is literally suffering PTSD because he believed he was the reason his friend jumped. It's so disgusting when you think about it. This episode does an excellent job in showing us how much Suho has struggled with emotions and life because of his father's reputation, personality, and upbringing. And that's why I don't understand how people can come into this episode and come out with hate for Suho. Make it make sense.

The first thing episode 9 shows about Suho, which was actually foreshadowing the final conflict in episode 10 is his lack of a fatherly figure despite the fact he had a father. We see him interact with his father when he goes to have dinner with Soojin's own disgusting family, and we realise this is all his father does for him. He makes little quips about why he and Suho can't spend time together, and we all know Suho holds resentment at his father for cheating and sleeping with women, but also the trauma he had from dealing with paparazzi because of his father's fame, and the fact his father was barely in his life to show him emotional support and care. This is even worse when you realise again why Seoyeon got set up because his father wanted to protect his reputation, to sleep with someone, and because he didn't care about people's emotions and wellbeing.

Warmth and Comfort

Now the only thing that helped him deal with his father at first was Seoyeon and Seojun; it's making me cry again. The thing that got him through his tough upbringing was his friends, they brought purpose through music (another secret he's Leo), they brought happiness and care through friendship, and they brought comfort through their presence. They were loyal, close, and ready to help each other no matter what. His father took that away from him. Not just took that away from him but broke his mindset about how he views himself, damaged his relationship and trust with people, and pulled him into a spiral of self hate and self deprecation and regrets because he set Seoyeon up. How messed up can someone be? It's even worse because he knows he's the reason why Suho lost his friend, and he still had the guts, the confidence, the heart to plagiarise the person he ruined's song. Even not knowing that his son is the one he's plagiarising from.  His father took it all from him. He made Suho think he's a burden, his reputation is a curse, and he's doomed to be alone to protect people away from him. It's funny because this is how Kyung also feels in her own regression. Both Suho and Kyung believe that they shouldn't be worth interacting with people because they're burdens and problematic for just being born. For Suho it's being born into his family, for Kyung it's being born with her looks and brains.  It's incredibly heartbreaking and frustrating.

That's why it's even more painful because episode 9, Suho gets to stay in a lie for a while with Kyung's father staying with him, showing him the warmth, care and support he didn't have with his father. That's why we got that scene; it was to make you compare how different Suho's father is to him, compared to a flawed father like Kyung who's a headache but is also a good source of comfort and love. Suho finally got to feel that care that he was lacking. But still, Suho's father's coldness and heartlessness also shadow to let us know why Suho is the way he is when he has a go at Kyung and tells her to stop hanging out with Seojun; when he is posessive and protective over her without listening to what she's saying. He hasn't had a significant role model/ influence to look up to. He also became like his father on the surface and withdrawn from emotions because he doesn't receive that. It's honestly upsetting. I am so angry at Suho's father.

Regrets and Resent

But let's talk about the regression. Suho finding out his father is the one who caused Seoyeon's demise. First of all, just think about how much Suho has suffered the past ten episodes because of this issue, he's had PTSD, actual PTSD, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, isolation, just because of this issue, because Seojun told him repeatedly he was the reason for why Seoyeon jumped. Because his reputation could not save Seoyeon, because he didn't answer the phone because of his callousness and also because he fought with the very reason for why this happened; his father.

Seojun made Suho feel like he was a monster, and he was never going to be any different because his father was his father. And the thing is, this has been going for a long time, Seojun kept showing up in Suho's life ensuring he never got to be happy (at the beginning not now), he never got to feel worthy of peace, love, friendship because of what he did to Seoyeon. In a way, if you actually think about Seojun's role in Suho's life for a while, he's been like the bullys who ensured Kyung didn't feel happy being her self the way she was because of how she looked. Now he's not as bad because he's not doing it purposely with that intention of psychological harm and breakdown, because he also doesn't think Suho feels any guilt or issue with Seoyeon's demise. But it's pretty messed up that the person everyone is hailing to be this perfect specimen was literally playing the same roles as the bullies you claim to hate in Suho's life.

Like I keep repeating all these characters are flawed, have made mistakes because they're human, but the hate and the bias towards some of them is insane and makes no sense to me.

But now Suho has entirely as Kyung went back to a flash to the past, he's spiralled again into self hate, self deprecation and trauma because he found out the truth. If he's already been struggling with not answering the phone to help Seoyeon; imagine how much of a monster he'll feel because it's his dad who set Seoyeon up to fail. Imagine the pain and suffering, the self-hate, the same things Seojun kept telling him will keep repeating in his head, his reputation hurts people, his dad hurts people, and his lifestyle hurts people. He shouldn't be loved, have friends, or have people around him because he doesn't deserve that when they can end up like Seoyeon. All of his bottled down secret; self-hate is now released because the reason is connected to him from the start, it was his father. So Kyung and Suho found themselves with their masks unveiled, broken and scared and terrified about the consequences of choosing to be happy and free. Now, both of them hold this burden and weight making them feel like they don't deserve to want to be happy, in love and confident in what they deserve because of what society has done to them. And that's insane.

Soojin- A journey of a villain 

Before I stop, we also need to speak about Soojin and her regression. Her regression is very fascinating and upsetting. I have been on edge about her character, and it was excruciating to see her become manipulative, sly and a full second lead this episode. But what can I say. It was going to happen. Soojin's secrets revealed this episode to Kyung is about the abuse she suffers, we also see a snippet again of her fathers sexist, heartless mindset about controlling her to ensure she makes the grades. We also see her regress back to hand washing and self-harm because of the news that Suho is dating Kyung. Now, her mindset in the last episodes have been noticing the warmth, and comfort Suho brings into her life. There's no one else who sees her, knows her, and can protect her without her mask. Suho has known her for ten years. They've been each other's support system to deal with their family, now for Suho, he cut the importance of her presence in his life because he pushed everyone away after, but for her, Suho has been a consistent person to rely on.

A safe space

Kyung showing up and making Suho open and caring made her feel fear and anxiety that the only source of happiness and warmth was being taken away from her. Suho is the only thing that makes her breath, everything else is a mask that makes her feel suffocated, even her friendships; she's not been her real self with them, she's been a perfectionist. Even her revealing her truth to Kyung this episode wasn't for friendship but for emotional manipulation, and it wasn't right. Like Kyung, Soojin regresses because she's afraid to go back to who she has to be without Suho's presence, which is protection, warmth and care compared to her actual home, cold, harsh and volatile. She had to latch onto something to stay sane and to stop breaking down. Suho, unfortunately, is what she latched onto. And it is a regression on her part because Kyung is her best friend, she's emotionally manipulating and hurting her best friend to make her self feel good and get what she wants.

Still, she's not even getting what she wants because Suho isn't going to pay attention to her apart from protecting her from her father as someone should do. Soojin has been a girls girl, supportive, protective, and kind to everyone she meets but now she's regressed to being petty, conniving and mean to her own friends because she can't lose her own safe space. Kyung regressed not to lose her safe space and for Soojin her safe space became Suho. Her regression is really unsettling because how far would she go to keep her safe space, and how far will she sacrifice Kyung's wellbeing and emotions for her own gain. She's dangerous because she knows Kyung's secret, she can unload the truth about Kyung pettily and get some kind of one up on her, which is sad because she's slowly regressing into those bullies that made Kyung's life hell.

Volatile Mindsets

In fact, she shadows like I said the popular girl in episode 1, she wants to get her way, and she feels slighted by Kyung taking it away from her. Also her self esteem, her ego is being bruised because she's meant to be the one for Suho as society keeps telling her, she's the prettiest, the smartest, his equal, why would he choose Kyung who is so far not that close to her level in any way. These are the kind of thoughts that happens when trauma makes you regress. Whilst Suho and Kyung are regressing into self-hate, and self deprecation Soojins regression is the opposite direction, it's regressing into self privilege and self-obsession, it's unfortunate.

There's so much more about this episode that we can discuss like I said everyone has a secret, but when it comes to these three, their secrets and unfortunate reveals causes them to spiral into a whirl of self-hate and pain, trauma and suffering. This has been building up for a while because their mindsets have been shaped and made this way because of all the hurts and attacks by society to them, not just society that affects them this way; with these three family affects them this way, Kyung's mum, Suho's dad, and Soojin's dad their nonchalant, and cold attitudes towards their children cause them to feel unstable and worthless, and also friends also causes them to spiral this way, For Kyung, Soojin has brought back a lot of fear and anxiety about where her life is going, and Seojun's past problematic actions have returned along with Suho's guilt to make him also spiral into self-hate and regret. Kyung, Soojin's best friend, has caused her to lose her safe space. These characters have been pushed into this by people they thought they could rely on, and that's what painful.

Anyway, if anyone wants to know my opinions on this love triangle,  I appreciate Seojun he's a great second lead. Still, he's not the one for Kyung or the right person as people keep trying to say, he and Suho are still equal on terms with who she should be with. The person she cares about is Suho; the person she loves/wants is Suho. She's not thought of Seojun in that way so respect it. There is so much more going on in this show than this love triangle, so much more to discuss and fight for, each character is human and makes their mistakes, but they're all so understandable and relatable, and the pain they suffer is just insane, the psychological trauma they all hold is too much to bare, and I really hope they find their way out of this. Because right now, Suho is not going to be okay, and Kyung is in danger of her past finding her.  I'm scared for them so much. This stuff may seem overdramatic and chaotic but with trauma and pain, and self-hate and psychological distress, it's not easy to overcome emotional abuse, trauma and mindsets that make you feel you're not meant to be alive, and all these characters are going through that. And it's so painful. Let's hope we find a way out of this: love triangle or no love triangle.

[meenah-chan]

Safe haven

a Diavolo x GN! MC fanfic

2.36k words

Genre: Angst

Trigger warning: Insane deadly stunt but not suicide, please don't read if you have this triggers. And please don't try this at home... or anywhere

Part 2 (Safe Haven ~Another Story~) | Part 3 (Safe Haven ~Epilogue~)

Masterlist

It is their sanctuary. A place that has everything they could wish for...

if only, fate isn't fickle...

"If I jump, will you save me again?"

"What a wretched soul I have..."

It’s been an hour since they were staring far in the horizon. Dusk is on its way, with the lake gulping the sun whole to bring forth darkness in the grassy land they’re on. That place is secluded, surrounded with trees serving as its walls. As if it were cradling them away from everything.

It's not their first-time watching day turn to night on where they are. They’ve known that spot enough to vividly paint the place on a whim.

It was neither a simple place as it seems. That place is a part of the human realm, untouched by anyone but two persons— them and Diavolo. A place which witnessed how the said Prince dropped on his knees and confessed he likes them. The place they admit they felt the same.

The place where they held hands in their secret rendezvous; times where the Future king would go to whenever he ran away from his endless responsibilities for a day and spend it with them, with words of affections and adorations for each other. It is their safe haven.

The Forget-me-not flowers they planted are blooming around them. As the two sat beneath the shade of the tree, appreciating the presence of the flowers and each other.

Diavolo has a habit of caressing their cheeks, brushing strands of their locks past their ears, as he embraces them as if they were the most precious treasure, he has ever held. Those smiles he would beam; brighter than the sol they always see. "You're the most beautiful being I have ever seen." And they would smile back, with their feelings overflowing so much they would always pour it back to him with a kiss.

But being always in that place doesn't mean they never left it. There are times they would give him a heart attack by literally jumping off the edge of the cliff. The demon prince then would follow them in a snap, before transforming right before their eyes and seizing them.

They knew it was a foolish thing to do. No sane person would ever carry out such dumb, dangerous stunt. They do have a magic or two under their sleeves should Diavolo fail the task. Spells they would feverishly study and tirelessly practice for the sake of the success of the Exchange Student program; for the sake of making Diavolo proud of them. So, they studied hard, yet fools only around their beloved.

So, they kept on flying off to the danger at every given chance. For the feeling during the times they would fall, they had the best view they could ever see in their lifetime. How the demon they ever loved could be so... breathtaking. Turning into his demon form—metamorphosing like a dazzling butterfly, his red locks fluttering in the wind, with such golden ornaments, such golden eyes reflecting the radiance of the sun. And most of all, such playful, thrilled smiles they would willingly lay their life just to see. He seems like the mesmerizing golden red dusk. He may be a demon, but Diavolo is much more divine than the angels in their eyes.

And to think that such an ambrosial prince would hold them in his firm arms, and bury them in his well-toned chest before gliding up in the air. They really love the feeling. Akin to the flowers they cultivate symbolizes, he is their true love.

"Should we land back on the top of the land?"

"Just a little bit longer." Humming, they would place a peck onto the tip of his horn or temple whenever they would request something so badly, which then would receive a chuckle from the Demon. "Hahaha, what a pampered human... Alright, just a little bit longer." And who knows how long they stay in the air. Then they would share small talks back on the cliff, and soon be bombarded with tons of messages and missed calls from the butler and the right-hand man. They would head back home after that, before the said aides decide to search for them and find their secret haven.

It was all they could ever wish for. An everlasting love to carry inside their mortal heart.

They have everything they could ask for, until that day comes. A moonless, rainy night during the celebration of Diavolo's birth.

"I'm glad to finally meet you, the Future King of Devildom." …the day she came. Rosa, a rather respected princess, and the daughter of Queen Rose.

"...N-No, the pleasure is mine." Whether he was flustered by her sudden appearance or not, something was rather amiss. His gaze towards her was different than anything they've ever seen him make. So different yet... familiar. Like the way his eyes sparked of reverie the day they first met, except it was more profound.

Diavolo sighed, "I'm telling you, you don't have to worry. You know you're the one I love." It was nothing, he said. It was only in their imagination, he said. Even so, the connection between the two they perceived every time the two met on business, felt so real.

They were so anxious, so angry they wanted to explode. They want to blame it all on that demon princess who appeared out of nowhere, and brought everything to a big mess! They wanted to lash at her, right from the deepest pit of their stomach!

...Yet, they didn't.

They simply can't. Not when she was like an angel who descended in the land of darkness.

So pure yet so wise, so diligent and well-versed. She is strong-willed and rather capable in every aspect. She doesn't deserve to be blamed for something she didn't mean to do. It was merely a work of two hearts naturally falling for each other. It was inevitable.

Instead of brooding without doing anything, they will fight. They will fight for what's theirs. For what's right. For the specks of affection left inside Diavolo. For their love, they won't give up.

Or so they thought...

"Y/N, would you mind having tea with me later?" Barbatos asked for their attendance.

But unlike the usual afternoon tea they always share with the butler, "Where's Diavolo?" ... the prince is not around.

"The Young master has prior engagement and brought Lucifer in my stead. My apologies if it was not to your liking."

"Ahh, no. I didn't mean it like that. It's just that... having snacks with only you are unusual." It's not unusual. Rather, it never occurred even once. Diavolo tends to postpone the teatime for another time whenever he can't go, as Barbatos always join his absence.

"Actually, I asked you today about an important matter to discuss."

"...Is it related to Diavolo and me, isn't it?" They shouldn't have asked him. They hated themself for asking Diavolo's attendant.

"Yes. To be precise, it is about your relationship and the lady you met during Young master's birthday. I believe you have the right to know this." They held their breath. "I hate to break it to you but the lady you met back then, is the Young Master's... fiancée and his soulmate." The words that came off Barbatos' lips felt like cold water dumped on them.

They just want to end the conversation right there and leave the garden as fast as they can, but they forcefully pull themself together and learn the whole truth, as painful as it is for them. "...Fiancee, you said? And what do you mean by soulmate?"

"For every heir of the throne, there is a prophecy foretelling the righteous betrothed one fated for them. This Oracle has never once failed in predicting who..." Barbatos paused, evaluating whether they could take any more. "...would help the Ruler in bringing prosperity in the Devildom."

After a minute of silence, they spoke. "Does Diavolo know all about this? About her?"

"Yes... but I swear in my name, he has always wanted to be free of the prophecy and achieve prosperity through his own power."

"Where is he headed to at the moment?"

"..." Barbatos' silence tells them everything. He is with her. That's all that they needed to know.

"I... see... Thank you for telling me this."

"I— no, I don't deserve such words from you." They shook their head, "You still disclosed this even when Diavolo wanted to keep it a secret from me. I'm sorry I brought trouble to you."

"It was my own choice. I'm just doing what I think is right."

"Thank you, really..."

They left the castle, thinking a lot of things but also finally enlightened.

They never had Diavolo's heart from the start.

He is the future of the Devildom, the future of all the demons who could easily outlive them. And for that he needs an Empress who can fully support him and bear another long-lived heir. His soulmate, his forever, his other half. Everything that they could never be.

Their life is short. His' is not. He could never fathom the extent of his life like they could. That is also the reason why they could love him until the day they cease to exist, a mere blink to him.

As obvious as the glaring sun that blinds them atop that cliff, his love... is gone.

They could see it in his eyes. Every day he spends with them, his mind is somewhere else.

Even in their favorite place, his embraces were still as cold as the mountain's peak. His smile is too forced, like a one man playing before their eyes. His kisses were prickling and painful. And his gaze... He is suffering.

Like they were.

"Forgive me." It was for the Devildom, he said. His head hangs low, wearing that distressed expression.

"Hey, lift your head? The future king shouldn't bow to anyone." They smiled, cupping his cheeks to raise his face.

"Look, I understand." It was a surprise they didn't shed a drop of tear, as they pat his head gently. "Follow your heart. You'll become a great king."

He made a wise decision, to choose his bond that suddenly came that day. Someone who really owns Diavolo's heart per destiny's decree. The heart they thought he offered back then, with the trees, and the cool breeze, and the swaying leaves, and the sunset as their witnesses. The heart they thought were already theirs. The heart that slipped from their fingers as he let go of their hand when Diavolo locked eyes with his fated one.

Diavolo's love is fleeting. Or maybe it was never love from the start, but a mere curiosity on his end. A misconception, but it doesn't matter anymore. They already knew the answer.

He already achieved his true love, holding his Empress in white. He wears that smile, much, much brighter than anything they have ever seen.

The bells sing with the crowd in jubilation. It is a merry occasion, with the official new rulers of the Devildom. All were so elated.

Except for one. "What a wretched soul I have..." they uttered under their breath. They couldn't take the sight. With the man they so love to be happy in someone's arms. Rage was boiling inside them. Staying there for a second longer and they would definitely ravage everything. So, they fled the scene, escaping to their secret place surrounded by the lake and the sea of trees.

They wanted to let it all out. Pain, sorrow, rage, envy. They were overflowing with emotion more than they could take. It should be them, placing a ring on his finger! the one smiling and crying of happiness as he makes a vow! The one who should be kissing him in front of thousands of witnesses!

"WHY?! What did I do to deserve this?!" The swaying blue and white Forget-me-nots they took with utmost care came to view. "What useless plants!!" They cried out, yanking and tearing everything off the soil. "True love?! It was only me from the very start!!"

All they could do was cry. Scream until their throat goes dry, until their voice disappears.

When all energy left their body, they slumped in the grassy land they’re on. In that secluded place, surrounded with trees serving as its walls. As if it were cradling them away from everything. Hiding their wretched self from everyone.

Dazed, they stared at the sky for an hour. As its hue turns from light blue to red, their mind gets clearer. That's when they heard a familiar sound. They followed it on the tip of the cliff.

It was the roaring waves beneath the land mass. It seems like it's continuing the cries they couldn't do anymore. Roaring like it was spilling the emotions inside them.

"If I jump, will you save me again?" They spoke to the man who is no longer in that secret place. It will never be a safe haven for them anymore.

"I want to be saved by you one more time." I want to be embraced by you one last time.

They faced their back to the rim of the cliff, and took a step backward. A foot standing on a void. And so, their body tipped, losing the other foot from the ground. As their balance disappears, they see nothing but the golden rays of the sunset and the redness of the dusk. So red like Diavolo's locks, golden like his eyes. There's nothing but only traces of him; of the man who doesn't really love them as he promised.

This is foolish... They thought. They're all alone. No Diavolo will fly down and save them anymore.

"I should go home..." Dying here would only hurt him... They whispered as the firm breeze swirls beneath, ready to catch them. After all, no one will save me but I... thinking of that, another pang spiked their heart.

But the wind spell they casted couldn't catch them. When they should have been falling, a hand appeared and pulled them in an embrace.

"Please don't do this..." it was not the warmth they were expecting. Yet, streams began flowing down their cheeks, in comfort of another’s arms. With their hoarse voice they sob the sorrow of losing their safe haven.

Part 2 (Safe Haven ~Another Story~) | Part 3 (Safe Haven ~Epilogue~)

Masterlist

[adonis-koo]

Blue Spring

| 2 |

↳ Summary: Jeon Jungkook, only well known as the youngest (and hottest) dad at the daycare, he’s got it all, the looks, the sweetheart personality, the body, but here’s what gets everyone- he doesn’t wear a wedding ring. The only problem lies in his fickle one year old daughter that hates just about every daycare worker out there…Well…besides you that is. Which of course leads to Jungkook liking you just as much as his daughter…if not maybe a little too much.

Or in other words…You and Jungkook are secretly crushing on one another but too shy to admit it.

↳ Pairing: Single dad!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Daycare AU, Slice of life, copious amounts of fluff, a hair of angst, future smut

Word count: 4k

Previous | Next

“Oh my god, he asked you out?” Lisa gasped as she raised her brows, both shock and delight on her face as Chloe clapped her hands together. Pressing your hands to your cheeks you felt them flush as you glanced down at the kids table, everyone working on their finger paintings you had chosen as the creative activity for the day.

“I…” You nibbled against your lip before rubbing the back of your neck, “I wouldn’t necessarily call it that...He just um-! He just asked if we could hang out sometime with Mina...” They both groaned as you sunk in as best you could in the child's chair.

Chloe clacked her lips as she huffed, “Girl that’s his pathetic excuse to ask you out on a date. He just used his child to reel you in, and it worked didn’t it?” You crossed your arms, face still flushed despite your scoff.

Sure he might have added that in but you were sure if it came down to it you both would be fine without Mina there, right? Wait...you had no reason to be together if Mina wouldn’t be there...You swallowed thickly as you glanced at the table that had been covered in tarp to keep from getting messy, “...I would have said yes regardless…” It was the truth, you felt a certain amount of shame admitting that, was there a rule against dating one of your daycares dads? It had been well over a year since you signed on and you couldn’t even remember half the regulations and policies that pertained to workers, as it really didn’t matter when you actually began working.

Until now…

Mina had made a noise of complaint at your attention not being on her, her little fingers painted blue as she pointed at her splattered picture that looked more like a blob of color then anything else, you mustered a smile as you nodded, “Oh it looks so good Mina! Oh, can you add a little pink over here?” She had dipped her fingers into the yellow paint but she had spirit as she began to work on where you pointed.

“So you admit, you wanna bang him?” You scowled at Chloe as she held her hands up in defense, sure the kids had no clue what that meant but that didn’t mean you should just go around casually saying it!

Lisa puckered her lips before she and Chloe both started cackling, “Hey I’m not judging! If Seokjin wasn’t married i’d-”

“Shut up!” You covered your ears as you groaned, you could understand from an outside perspective, Jungkook was in your age range, he was obviously single given his passive comments about his...ex girlfriend? Ex wife? Partner? Not only that but he was insanely attractive, thick brows and fluffy dark hair, his jawline was both strong and sharp and his physic.

Jungkook had dropped her off one time for only a short few hours, picking her up after he had finished at the gym, where his hair was still damp with sweat and muscle bulging from his fitted shirt, your heart was ready to combust that day all while he kneeled down letting his little girl sit in his lap while inspecting her picture she had scribbled.

If one wasn’t interested in dating him they’d definitely want to sleep with him at least once. But this wasn’t your intention, no matter how much the idea made your body and face both warm to think about, “Guys, I’m not…! It’s not like that,” You lowered your voice as you sighed, clasping your hands on your lap as you glanced down at them, “I just wanna see where things go, and if things go well then awesome, and if not then no harm done…”

“Well babe you do you,” Lisa patted your shoulder, “I’m just glad Jisoo could cover for you so you can go out with lover boy when he picks up Mina,” Your face flushed once more as you sighed, choosing to ignore their laughs as you began to talk to Mina once more, even drawing a little heart on her paper with your own finger covered in pink paint to which she gurgled in excitement at.

Jisoo had eventually bounced through the door as she excitedly waved, “Hey guys,” You held your sigh at her brows wiggling your way as you all greeted her, taking a seat at the table as they immediately jumped into the gossip. Jisoo was the only other coworker filled in on all the juice besides your other two friends.

If any of the other workers heard, well...you’d rather not hear all of the older ladies' opinions.

You had a difficult time not flushing at the sight of Jungkook when he had came around two PM, Mina excited at his early arrival, “Hey babygirl,” He cooed softly at her as she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, picking her up he laughed softly, bouncing her a little before his eyes flickered on you, “Are you sure it’s okay to come?” He seemed concerned but also...excited? His eyes had a boyish gleam as he squeezed Mina making her giggle.

You nodded rapidly, “Yeah, one of my coworkers said she’d cover the rest of my shift so everything is good here! Are you ready to go?” You gave a tiny smile, rubbing your arms as you wrapped them around yourself. Jungkook nodded as he grabbed Mina’s backpack leading you out to his car which was surprisingly clean, had you not noticed how organized Mina’s backpack usually is you would have assumed he did it just for you.

But you had a feeling Jungkook was just a very organized and clean person, which was rather appreciated given your messy nature, “Oh here I can help, those buckles seem really tricky,” You laughed at Jungkook’s long fingers fumbling with Mina’s car seat buckles, you suddenly felt like it was a bad idea when you squeezed through the car door, your body pressed against Jungkook’s as you both awkwardly laughed as you grabbed the farther end buckle.

Mina gurgled in delight at the realization you were still with them as she bounced in her seat making it more difficult to buckle up, Jungkook shook his head roughly to try and get his hair out of his eyes as he pressed his brows together, “Ah this thing is always so difficult, I should really just get a new one, she’s almost too big for it anyways.”

“Oh here!” You tugged the buckle further just enough for Jungkook to click in as you both cheered in victory, before you suddenly cried, “Ow! Mina! Please let go,” Mina had grabbed a fist full of your hair before harshly tugging on it, rubbing your scalp as you gently pulled the hair from her grip.

You felt like you could breath when you and Jungkook squeezed out of the door, making a respectable amount of space as you both laughed a little, Jungkook opening the passenger door for you as you sat down, shifting in your seat a little nervously as you clicked in your seat belt.

“We’re not going anywhere fancy by the way,” Jungkook gave you a sheepish smile as he began driving, “There’s a really cool pizza place with a kids play area that Mina likes so I figured we’d go there, if you don’t mind…!”

Relaxing into your seat a little you gave a nod as you folded your hands into your lap, “Of course I don’t mind Jungkook!” You gave a small meek smile, “I’m sure it’s a great place.” Jungkook’s cheeks looked a little pink as he offered you a brief smile before returning his eyes to the road. He had admittedly been waiting so long for this moment, to finally pluck the courage to just ask you out.

You were nearly perfect, soft, sweet and most importantly, Mina loved you. He had just begun to give up finding someone due to how picky Mina was, and then he met you.

Sure things seemed a bit, awkward at first, but just like last time you both quickly fell into a rhythm of easy conversation, sitting at the table that was in the play area while Mina toddled around exploring, “Oh god I don’t know,” You both were laughing as you bashfully rubbed your face, smiling at your glass of soda as you shrugged meekly, “I mean, don’t get me wrong I love kids! I wouldn’t work with them if I didn’t but I mean, having kids of my own…? Does it count if my mom wants me to have kids?”

Jungkook nearly choked on his drink as he snorted, laughing softly as he shook his head, “You wanting kids and your mom wanting you to have kids is two totally different things. It’s okay to not want them, I didn’t think I’d ever want any either, then Mina came along and now she’s my whole world,” Jungkook’s eyes were soft as he gazed at the toddler fondly, “Mina was...a surprise baby,”

He admitted much to your surprise, you didn’t think he’d divulge such...sensitive information, he gave a sheepish smile at your expression, “You don’t have to look like that, it’s something that’s already been worked out. Like I said, Mina is my whole world and I’d never change a thing that happened, but she’s part of the reason we got a divorce…Oh jesus- am I making you uncomfortable?” Jungkook suddenly stumbled as if fully realizing what he was saying.

Coughing you rapidly shook your head, “No! I just...I didn’t want you to feel pressured to say anything, I mean, it’s your business, but if it’s something you don’t mind talking about then feel free to continue. I was just surprised, is all, I can’t imagine you not wanting kids honestly.” It was true, Jungkook treated Mina like she was the best thing in his life, the way he left her with the slight guilt in his expression every morning, the way his eyes lit up when he watched her toddle to him in excitement when he picked her up, it was written all over his face, he absolutely loved and adored her.

Laughing a little Jungkook swirled the ice in his drink around as he shrugged, “Sorry, I just, I don’t know I feel like clarity is probably appreciated on your end, I’d rather you not get involved without knowing all the details. Mina, wasn’t why we got divorced, not directly!” He suddenly swallowed thickly, doe eyes searching yours as if not wanting you to take his previous words the wrong way, “But her mom, she just has a lot of issues,” He gave a more humorless laugh this time as he kept his gaze on the table, “She’d accuse me of cheating anytime I was even slightly late getting home, really possessive and insecure, she lied when she said she was still on pill to try and...I don’t know, ‘secure’ me? And well....Mina came along.”

The frown tugged on your lips as you rested your head against your hand, “No I understand what you mean, about the whole divorce thing at least, I can’t imagine doing that to someone, given from past conversations I’m assuming you share joint custody?” Jungkook had occasionally mentioned in the past about dropping Mina off at her moms, though he always seemed slightly disgruntled at the idea.

Sighing Jungkook shrugged, “For now, nothing is set in paper, we just work a schedule out week to week,” He pucked his lips a little before letting his gaze meet yours, “But I’m hoping for full custody in the future, maybe I sound like an asshole but I don’t want Mina anywhere near her, she’s become really...psychotic since the divorce, always trying to convince me to ‘come back’, or threatening to get full custody herself, tons of crazy shit… So uh,” He ran a hand through his hair, an awkward smile quirking on his lips, “Hope I haven’t scared you off yet, this really isn’t a first date topic is it…?”

“Well taking your daughter out on your first date isn’t norm either but here we are,” You offered a relaxed smile, “I don’t mind, like you said, it is your past, but I’m not easily scared away.” For the first time, he smirked, making your body nearly go into shock and your face to suddenly flush as you glanced down at the table. God give you strength.

The evening outside of that moment was well spent and you had went back to Jungkook’s house to stay in for a movie afterwards before retiring home, Mina however was lounged out on the floor, her blanket spread beneath her while hugging her teddy bear, watching the disney movie in excitement with gurgles of enthusiasm, “Atleast someone is happy to see Mulan save China,” You clacked your tongue before laughing, letting out a yawn as you stretched out, hardly even noticing the way Jungkook’s arm had somehow wrapped around your shoulders. You felt your eyes tiredly begin to shut, god why did you always agree to come in for one of the early morning shifts?

“It’s one of her favorite movies,” Jungkook hummed, his nose crinkling a little at his daughters excitement, “You looked tired, do you want me to take you home?” He asked with a soft murmur, noticing you sleepily rub your eyes.

Waving your hand in dismal you replied, “No- no! I’ll go when the movie is over don’t worry, besides Mina would throw a fit if we paused it now.” There was certainly truth to your words, Mina never liked her TV time interrupted. Especially during Mulan. Chuckling softly Jungkook chose not to reply when you yawned again, your head falling against his shoulder as your eyes began to close. You couldn’t help it, he was just so damn warm.

Everything felt hazy as you hugged tightly against the firm yet warm figure, yawning as you nudged your nose along the odd feel of skin, where were you again? You nearly jumped away at the soft squeeze against your waist.

Your vision opening to the familiar sight of Jungkook’s living room, Mina no longer situated out in front of you and the TV long since turned off, the blinds had been drawn from last night letting the warm light stream in as you stiffened. Letting out a squeak at the bedheaded sight of Jungkook beneath you. Oh my god! You slept with him! Not sleep, slept with him but…!

Your face was throbbing as he let out a yawn, “Morning,” He stretched out, his hand stroking along your back making you squirm. Jungkook took immediate notice as he quickly released his grip on you, “I’m sorry.” You immediately got off him sitting an awkward distance away as he apologized, cheeks pink as you tugged at your hair.

Jungkook had parted his lips once more to speak but you had already stood up, “N-no! I should be the one apologizing! I….I-I um, I better get going! I forgot to tell my roommates I was going out- I'll see you later!” You fumbled before hurriedly making your way out of the living room, you could hear Jungkook sighing yet he didn’t call out for you. God why couldn’t you just play it cool for once?

You didn’t see Lisa and Chloe again until Friday morning where they nearly shouted at you for a ‘missed’ opportunity, “Girl you were sleeping on him!” Chloe tried to stress to you, “That was the perfect moment oh my god!”

They were mourning your loss at potential dick while you were meanwhile squirming in embarrassment, “Guys! This isn't about that! I just… I just wanted to get to know him better! I don’t want him to think that’s all I want.”

“Oh my god.” Lisa whispered under her breath before her attention was pulled to the two boys that had been fighting over who had the batman toy first, she immediately sprang into action as she walked over to deal with it.

Your attention however was drawn to the door that had opened, filtering in the ungodly loud cries that were all too familiar, Mina sobbing as she clung to Jungkook’s tired figure, Chloe clacked her tongue, “Are you just gonna ignore him now…?”

“No…” You swallowed thickly, feeling tension rise in your chest at Jungkook’s gaze immediately finding yours as he cooed to Mina, standing up you meekly walked over, giving a timid smile and feeling slightly guilty for running off on him nearly two days ago without a word since.

“See babygirl? She’s right here,” Jungkook cooed softly, Mina’s little lips trembling as fat tears rolled down her cheeks, peeking out from Jungkook’s shoulder before her sobs bubbled once more, arms stretching out too you as your lips tugged into a sad pout, “She’s missed you,” Jungkook murmured as he passed her off too you, “Extremely clingy since you left,” He gave a breathy chuckle though it sounded a little forced, “I…I really am sorry about what happened Y/n, I should have woken you up but you just looked so peaceful there and I-”

“It’s okay,” Jungkook swallowed thickly, his puppy-like gaze meeting yours with a level of timidness before dropping his gaze once more, “I just...I was a little embarrassed, that’s all Jungkook. It’s not your fault, I should have just gone home when I started getting tired.”

Mina’s tears had finally ceased as she sniffled, snot running down her nose and unto her lips as you felt a tiny smile tug on your lips, grabbing a tissue from the box on the counter as you wiped her nose, “...Did she really miss me?”

“She’s been waterworks since,” Jungkook laughed a little easier this time, rubbing the back of his neck as he continued, “I think she’ll sleep easy during nap time today.” You situated her upright on your hip as you gently brushed the strings of hair from her watery eyes as she dropped her head against your shoulder, she did look a lot more tired as of late, gurgling her eyes were already beginning to droop.

“So um…” Jungkook scratched the back of his neck gaining your attention once more as you noticed his cheeks becoming pink and he couldn’t stop fiddling with his hands, “Does that mean we’re still….erm...can we still see each other..- Not that you have too! I don’t want you to think I’m pushing or that you have too, but- I- I just think-”

“Of course Jungkook,” You gave a breathy laugh, feeling your cheeks begin to warm as well as you rubbed the left over streaks of tears off Mina’s cheeks, feeling a little bashful as you nibbled against your lip, meekily glancing up at his also timid figure, pushing the bangs from his eyes as he gave a blushing smile, “Okay...then I’ll...I’ll see you later then.”

You shuffled a little as you nodded, trying to not let your heart explode as he leaned in, kissing Mina’s forehead as her eyes watered, not crying but looking close too it as she grabbed his shirt with a whine, “No babygirl you’ll stay with Y/n okay?” He whispered encouragingly to her as she gurgled displeased, “I promise I’ll be back soon.” He pressed another kiss against her forehead before taking his departure.

Mina was not the least bit happy to be passed off and still without both of her favorite people causing her to screech and cry, throwing her head against the crook of your neck dramatically as you tutted softly, giving her a little bounce, “Don’t worry honey, he’ll be back soon.”

----

Things had been going surprisingly well after that mortifying hiccup on your part. Jungkook and you would routinely go out every Friday after he picked Mina up and the three of you would eat out together, occasionally on a Monday night you’d all watch a movie together at his house. It was nice and you both had become far more acquainted with one another and casual.

What you hadn’t expected today though, was well...this...”Uh, I’m sorry ma’am but you’ll need to put Jungkook on the phone to verify pick up since you aren’t written off as Mina’s mother on his sign up form.”

This woman, was presumably Mina’s mother, or as she introduced herself as Seo Yeon, and you wouldn’t lie, you were a little intimidated. She was well dressed in a business suit and clutched her Prada bag as if it was a cheap off brand, her sunglasses atop her head showing off her annoyed, irritated expression, “I am Mina’s mother! I shouldn’t have to put up with this shit. I should be allowed to check my own child out.”

You did your best to try to hide your expression that desperately wanting to contort between a cringe- for her swearing loudly in a daycare and irritation for the fact that you just explained why that wasn’t allowed and of course, fear because Seo Yeon was definitely a scary woman when she was angry.

Mina seemed non pulsed in your arms despite being in front of her mom as her head twisted to try and get a glimpse at the TV in the room that was still playing Peppa Pig, one of her new favorites, “Ma’am, I just told you, Jungkook didn’t put you on his sign up form when he registered into First Steps daycare center, meaning you don’t have legal permission to sign Mina out, I’d be breaking policy and could be potentially fired if I let you take her now. Please call Jungkook and we’ll get this sorted out. I can even set you up on the form as long as Jungkook is present for it.”

“What’s going on here?” Just on time Jungkook had opened the door to the main check in room where you stood, the gate behind you closed as all the other kids played, his brows were furrowed at the sight of you with Mina, rather confused at first before his eyes narrowed on Seo Yeon who whipped around, anger twisting on her face as she accusingly pointed a finger at you, “Telling this idiot to let me check our child out Jungkook, we agreed I would be picking Mina up at daycare today- I knew I should’ve picked the daycare this place is so shotty!”

Your lips parted in offence at her words, how presumptuous of her! You were following the policy and even if you wanted to help her out you were to keep Mina here by law until her assigned guardian- Jungkook returned, unless a special permission slip had been signed by him stating otherwise.

“It’s Wednesday Seo Yeon...” Jungkook looked a little embarrassed by his ex wife's actions, rubbing the back of his neck as he sighed, “We changed our plans for you to pick her up tomorrow, I told you I needed to fill out a permission slip today so you’d be able to- remember?” His reminder seemed to jog her memory, her cheeks becoming a little red and embarrassed.

Yet Seo Yeon offered no apology to you, instead she grabbed onto Jungkook’s bicep as her lips tugged into a little pout, a complete one eighty from the demon you just witnessed, “Oh baby I’m sorry, you know how forgetful I can be at times! That worker just made me so mad though! I should be on the form as well so I can pick Mina up at any time in case of an emergency.”

Jungkook’s lips twitched a little and you could sense a little annoyance rising in him before he sighed through his nose, “Yeah I know, look- can we talk about this later? Mina has a doctor's appointment that I need to run her too so I don’t wanna be late.”

“Oh I can come with you! I think it’s important I know Mina’s health,” Seo Yeon butted in as Jungkook already whirled around to check Mina out at the counter where the desk worker was, “Besides I haven’t seen her since Monday, I think she’s missed mommy.” Seo Yeon cooed before abruptly plucking her from your arms.

You found your voice catching in your throat in objection at hearing Mina’s whimper, wiggling in her mom's arm as her mom ignored her and only cooed, suddenly glaring at you before turning to face Jungkook who ran a hand through his hair, not looking like he wanted to say yes but not having a reason to say no, “Alright- then can you go out and get her in her car seat? My cars at the far end in the lot.”

Seo Yeon appeared victorious as she plucked the keys from his hands and trotted outside with Mina who continued fussing, “I’m really sorry Y/n…” Jungkook glanced at the ground, looking embarrassed once again, “She can get a bit rude at times with customer service.”

“It’s okay, really,” You forced a smile from your lips, you wouldn’t lie, the fact that he really let her just hound into you was a bit….off putting. You could clearly see why this woman was his ex-wife, but couldn't he have...? What were you saying? You weren’t even officially a thing with Jungkook, “I- uh…” You let the smile drop all too easily as you sighed running a hand through your hair, unable to stop the annoyance in your voice as you muttered, “I need to get back to the other kids, I’ll see you later Jungkook.”

Jungkook looked a little helpless, eyes in distress at your annoyed figure not even giving him time to try and recover from his previous words as you closed the gate behind you walking back into the room.

On one hand you understood where he was coming from, but she was so blatantly rude to you! After she ripped the poor desk worker a new one she had nearly screamed to be allowed to see her child and given you were the only daycare worker that Mina liked...God what an unpleasant woman.

“Did you finally get the demon under control?” Chloe lowered her voice as she peered behind you, groaning as you nodded your head. Trying to get the image of Seo Yeon clasping Jungkook’s arm like she owned him out of your head, you knew you both weren’t an actual item but still. Rubbing your head you explained to her what had happened as Lisa joined the conversation, both angry in your defense.

But that was his ex wife after all. You couldn’t help but deflate a little at the idea, if you did get involved in Jungkook, that would always be a plague in the back of your mind and you couldn’t put off the question anymore now that you had both a name and a face to an important figure in Jungkook’s life.

God no wonder you never went out on dates anymore.

Note: I hope you guys are enjoying this lil series so far!! It makes my heart uwu! The good news is I may have underestimated the word count so next chapter is going to be a little longer and there might be a fifth part of the series! Anyways let me know what you guys think!! 🖤

[bloodrosebriars]

👀

from send 👀 for three things my muse finds attractive about yours [closed!!]

“Ah, my sweet Rogier — the fickle, stubborn ram. What a kind heart he has, though so terribly stingy with its pulses. Indeed, there is very much to find attractive about him…

“His eyes certainly be one of his most striking features — bright jade like fresh grass, like mint leaves, like a rose’s stalk. Shining and radiant and full of such gorgeous light… He enjoys joking that the reason he refuses to join our Dynasty be the fact that his eyes would shift colour from green to red. Ah, t’would certainly be a travesty — yes, yes, I agree…

“His hair is also quite a lovely feature, so soft and gently curled, subtly fragrant like sorceries, glittering with leftover magics… Oh, how I wish he would let those locks free from their cowl more often, as I love to run my fingers through their soft, soft form…”

He smiles a bit as he thinks of his third point. A light chuckle. “I am wont to say I find his rear rather darling… ah, but I shouldn’t list only physical features. Indeed, his most striking feature I would say be his resilience — his strength. The strength to withstand the pain of his blight, and the pain in his heart, and the pain I inflict during our times of intimacy… He can withstand nearly anything with a smile on his face. And oh, how frustrating it is, to see him go through such nightmarish agony and refuse to ask for help… But it still be impressive — indeed, and very, very attractive.

“Ah, Rogier… I look forward to our next encounter.”

[yume-fanfare]

Sakuragaoka Highschool’s Newspaper Extra: Interview

this is a translation of one of the short stories published for LIPxLIP’s birthday in japanese here. you can read the other one, starting line, here. this was translated from this spanish translation by mieltrabajos

Yamamoto Koudai went to the staff room after class. He was now the president of the journalism club, as the one before him had graduated, and he’d been called in by the club’s advisor, Akechi Saku. Koudai thought the talk would be about the school’s newspaper report on the school festival as it was supposed to be ready by December, but it turned out not to be the case. 

Mr. Akechi had said it nonchalantly, without looking up from his computer with a lollipop in his mouth. Koudai, however, was very confused.

“An interview…?”

Mr. Akechi nodded and then turned towards Koudai.

“Every now and then we have a section named Sakuragaoka’s Stars, don’t we?”

“Yes… well, there is one.”

They did have a section like that, introducing active students as stars. It wasn’t a bad project, but the... old-fashioned title was a bit cringy and people didn’t read it much. Well, the school’s newspaper as a whole wasn’t read much, people weren’t interested in it. They published it monthly and handed it over in the school festival, but not many people took them. Maybe if they didn’t publish information on all the school activities, they’d be able to cut down expenses next year. 

(I am lucky to be managing the school’s newspaper, journalism is the only school activity I’m interested in).

“Have you decided who it’ll be about this month?”

“No, I’m… still in the process of selection.”

He was thinking about the light music club, or maybe the drama one as they both were active during the school festival. Or maybe interview the students from the festival executive committee themselves. It could also be one of the swimming club members, as they were doing synchronized swimming even in the cold, or someone from the tea ceremony club who were doing something called “creative dancing tea ceremony”. December’s issue was going to be the last one of the year, so he wanted to end on a high note. There were lots of students he’d like to see.

“Would you like to interview my students, Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou?”

Koudai stayed silent for a few seconds thinking about Mr. Akechi’s words.

“Wouldn’t that be hard?” he answered.

With just a few comments on those two’s appearance at the sports festival, that month’s issue had skyrocketed in popularity as their fans scrambled to get a copy. If Koudai got to interview them, the newspaper would be read everywhere.

But Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou were professional idols. Interviewing them without getting through their office first would be a problem. That was why Koudai was unsure about being able to handle the project.

“They’re students of our school, so there should be no problem, right?”

“I’ll ask but… I’m not sure if they’ll cooperate.”

“That’s fine, Yamamoto.” Akechi smiled and offered him a lollipop, like always. “Please do it properly.”

“Ah…”

(He’s even telling me to do it right…)

Koudai excused himself out of the staff room, and twirled the lollipop in his hands.

“It’s so easy to say that…” he sighed.

But, did that mean he trusted Koudai as the club president? Mr. Akechi may look a bit eccentric, but he never said anything without a reason. Koudai couldn’t answer his “Will you be able to do this?” question with a no. He was determined to do it.

He put the candy in his pocket and pushed his glasses up.

“I want to do something really good…”

(If I got to interview those two, I want to make it a special issue, use big pages and highlight it. It’d be great if I could take a photo too).

“Is that really possible...?” Koudai brought a hand to his chin, deep in thought as he walked down the hallway.

He still wasn’t sure, and even if he didn’t have much hope, it may be possible. It was a very rewarding job for him, even if Mr. Akechi had put him between a rock and a hard place. If he managed to get it right it would be a fantastic opportunity to get more people to learn about the club.

(Where do those two go after school?)

He hadn’t heard anything about them being in clubs. Maybe they headed straight to work after class.

A voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hey, Koudai!”

Shibasaki Ken was walking down the stairs. They were in the same class and together with Enomoto Kotarou, had been good friends since middle school. They usually called him Shibaken.

He looked like he was about to head home. Since he wasn’t in any clubs, he always wandered around after class.

“What are you doing? Club activities?”

“Something like that. Are you going back home, Shibaken?”

“Yeah. Kotarou is also doing activities, so I have no other choice.”

“And Takamizawa-san?”

Takamizawa Arisa, whom Ken was always running after, didn’t seem to be around either. She wasn’t in any clubs, like Ken, and Koudai had seen them going back home and spending breaks between classes together recently. However, that wasn’t the case today.

“Arisa-chan has intensive classes today,” Ken sighed, crossing his arms behind his head with a bored grimace. “Lately, everyone does.”

“You have a lot of free time. Why don’t you find a hobby or join a club?”

When they were in middle school Ken spent his time playing with girls, but he seemed to have lost interest in that. Now, he was really invested in Takamizawa Arisa. As a close friend of his, the fact that Ken was so focused on a single person alone was a bit surprising. Despite his appearance and carefree attitude, he seemed to be becoming a little bit more serious.

“There’s no club activity that stands out to me. I could consider your journalism club, though. You don’t have many members, right? It’d be a friendship club!” Shibaken joked.

“We don’t allow ghost members. What about the gardening club?”

Kotarou and his childhood friend Hina were in the gardening club, but there barely were any members, and it was at risk of closing. Though the journalism club was, too, they had only gotten one new member this year. The track and field was the most active one and the students were really good athletes, so most freshmen applied for that one.

“I’d only be a bother there.”

Kodai turned his head to the side.

“Really?”

He guessed it was because of Kotarou and Hina.

They were childhood friends, but everyone could clearly see Kotarou liked Hina, although she constantly made fun of him. Koudai, however, didn’t know how she felt about him and he wasn’t going to snoop.

Ken put his arm around Koudai’s shoulders.

“And where are you going, Koudai?”

“To an interview. For next month’s issue.”

“Oh, that sounds fun, I’ll go with you! Who are you interviewing?”

“A pair of freshmen idols,” Koudai answered.

Upon hearing that, Ken drew his arm back and stayed silent for a few seconds.

“Oh I just remembered I have a really important business to handle. Well then, Koudai, do your best with the interview!” Ken walked away towards the entrance.

Like always, Ken’s personality was a fickle thing. It seemed like he had some complicated and uncomfortable circumstances.

Koudai had wanted to ask Ken about ‘him’, because he probably knew him better. But as Ken’s friend, he prefered to not touch the topic much either.

After all, the interview was about ‘them’ as students, not some scoop.

Koudai took out his pen and notebook and whispered:

“All right, let’s go.”

Maybe they’d still be inside their classroom.

---

Koudai reached the first years’ hall and looked around with nostalgia. The first years who looked so nervous at the entrance ceremony now seemed completely used to high school life.

Time to start looking for those two.

Loud voices could be heard from one of the classrooms, so he stopped by there first. Most students seemed like they were about to go home or were getting ready for club activities. Only a few girls still crowded around their desks, excitedly talking about some magazines.

“Doesn’t Aizou-kun look like someone dangerous in this picture?”, Koudai overheard.

“Yes, and Yuujirou-kun looks so cute!”

“What kind of CD did you choose? I want a poster!”

“I preordered everything! If you get a Yuujirou-kun sticker we can trade~”

Seemed like those two were the center of attention.

(I hope I can talk to them…)

When Koudai walked into the classroom, someone seemed to have noticed him. A girl wearing the sports uniform looked at him with sparkly eyes.

“Could it be, Yamamoto-san from the journalism club!” She smiled brightly.

She was at the track and field club and had participated in the relay race. Suzumi Hiyori, Setoguchi Hina’s underclassman. Koudai had interviewed her a bit some time ago.

“Are you looking for someone?”

“Yes… for a small interview.”

“An interview!” The girl leaned forward with eyes full of curiosity.

“Yes, could you help me a bit?”

“O-oh, yes, if you’re fine with me!”

They moved away from the hall to not bother anyone and Koudai opened his laptop.

“Could we do it now?”

“Yes, of course!”

“I wanted to interview two of your classmates for next month’s issue, Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou-”

“Shibasaki-kun and Someya-kun?!” Hiyori’s voice became surprisingly low and she took a step back.

(Uh…? … Why such an exaggerated reaction…?)

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

“Yes… I just want you to tell me a bit about them.”

“So it’s not an interview for me?” Hiyori’s face fell down and her shoulders dropped.

(Oh, so it was that…)

“Of course, I’ve heard about your feats at the sports festival. Setoguchi-san is also really happy about how you did and praised you for your hard work,” he tried to cheer her up, and it immediately worked as Hiyori lifted her head and smiled.

“For real?!”

“Yes, she always says she’ll do her best not to lose against Suzumi-san.”

“My goal is Setoguchi-senpai too! I’m so happy~” Hiyori laughed cheerfully, a bit embarrassed, touching her cheeks.

“Suzumi-san, you’re in the same class as them, right?”

“Yes… for now…” Hiyori rocked back and forth as she answered.

“Anything is fine, but if you know something, please tell me.”

“About what…?” “Anything is fine…”

“I don’t know anything, really!” Hiyori shook her head and stuck out her tongue, like she was annoyed.

“Why? You don’t talk with them?”

“I don’t! Whenever I try, their fans bite me…” Koudai slid his pen over the notebook as he mumbled:

“Even in the classroom…?” Then added. “Then, do those two usually stay alone in class? During lunch break, I mean.”

“Hmmm… they’re not always together. They usually eat by themselves… it’s kind of rare to see them talking to each other?” she answered.

Koudai leaned forward.

“That’s… surprising. Is their relationship bad?” He put his hand on his chin, thinking.

Hiyori grimaced and quickly added:

“That’s not it! There’s times where they have fun and cheer each other up when they’re feeling down!” After saying that, for some reason, Hiyori added in a whisper: “In front of the fans… I’m not sure…” she sighed. “It may look like they don’t get along… but they like the same things.”

“The same things?”

“Yes! Singing, dancing… and tuna mayo riceballs.”

“Tuna mayo…” Koudai mumbled. Without noticing, he doodled a riceball and wrote tuna mayo next to it.

“Oh, I prefer the dried plum ones. My grandma said that eating acids makes you live much longer and have 100 times as much energy!” Hiyori said and then crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks. “But those two don’t appreciate their greatness…”

“Eh?”

“Oh, it’s nothing! I was just monologuing…”

She got nervous, and Koudai softened his gaze behind the lens.

“I understand, Suzumi-san. But this is about them.”

“I know, I was just trying to explain!”

“What kind of bond do Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou have in your eyes?”

“For me…?”

“Don’t think about it too much. How do you think they are like…?”

She took a while to think about it, but focused again.

“Hmmm… they’re incredible…” she closed her eyes as she answered. “They work very hard every day. When I look at them, they’re always doing their best, and they make me want to work hard too, so, to me… they’re cheerful partners?”

Then, she blushed and pressed her hands together in a plea.

“Don’t write that in the article, it’s too embarrassing!”

“Suzumi-san, you sound like you’re a fan of them too.” Koudai put the pen on his mouth, smiling.

“Yes… but even so, my number one idol is Setoguchi-senpai!!”

Koudai laughed and said: “I’ll let her know.” Then added: “Well, do you know where those two are? I was looking for them.”

“Today Shibasaki-kun has to record a song, and Someya-kun has a photoshoot at a fashion magazine, so they’ve probably left already.”

“Oh, I see...·

“Ah! Then, maybe I could…! I heard those two talking about that… something like...” Hiyori bowed. “I’m sorry, I have a club meeting!” she exclaimed and bolted out of the classroom in the blink of an eye. As it was to be expected, coming from a track and field pro.

“Such an interesting girl, Suzumi-san…” Koudai wanted to interview her, some other time. 

But now, he had to work on those two. Talking to them after class seemed complicated, since they left so quickly.

Koudai closed the notebook and pocketed the pen.

(I’ll look for them during lunch break tomorrow, maybe I’ll get lucky)

---

The next day, Koudai heard excited screaming as he was walking through the courtyard during lunch break.

The first years were playing soccer, and a lot of girls crowded around the fence, cheering and yelling. And not just first years, but also second and third year girls. Even the school’s nurse was looking towards the field from one of the school’s balconies.

(So popular…)

The reason for all of that was no other than Aizou. He had taken off his blazer, rolled up his sleeves and was running after the ball with his classmates. 

The soccer club members watched the first years with interest too. Koudai noticed Kotarou amongst them and walked up to him. A tournament was about to start, so they were practicing during lunch too.

“Hey, Koudai, what are you doing?” Kotarou called out to him. “An interview?”

“Something like that.”

Aizou reached the boy who had the ball, easily stole it and ran towards the goal. The defenders tried to stop him but he dodged them and scored a goal. The girls all stood up and screamed and his classmates high-fived each other and laughed, celebrating the victory. Koudai quickly snapped a picture. He didn’t know if he’d be able to use it but he didn’t want to lose the chance.

“He’s great. I wish he’d join the club.” Kotarou crossed his arms and sighed heavily, looking at Aizou.

He’d been pretty good during the relay race at the sports festival, and his motor skills would surely be great at any sports club. No matter what, he could adapt and excel at it for sure.

“Why don’t you try to recruit him?”

“He’s too busy with rehearsals, he’s a full-time idol…” Kotarou crossed his hands behind his head and eyed Koudai. “What’s the interview about?” “The first year idols. They’re hard to find.”

“Shouldn’t you hurry up and talk to him then? Before a girl bites you for getting too close.”

Kotarou clapped his hands together:

“Everyone, gather!” he ordered the first years in a serious club-president tone.

Koudai walked up to Aizou, who was still breathing heavily.

“Shibasaki Aizou,” he called out. “I’m from the journalism club, may I interview you a little bit?”

Aizou wiped his forehead with his sleeve and turned towards Koudai.

“Yamamoto-senpai.”

“Oh, you remember my name?”

“It’s because… I saw it during the sports festival. But I don’t know if I can accept the interview.” Aizou rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Probably because of his agency.

“I think it’ll be okay, I don’t want to interview you as an idol, but as a first year student.” It was what Mr. Akechi had said: after all, he was a Sakuragaoka student.

Aizou changed his expression to a friendly grin.

“I don’t think that makes much of a difference but… what would you like to know?”

“About your school life. How’s this year going? Anything is fine, it’ll be interesting.”

(He seems like a normal student after all… not as carefree as Shibaken).

Both brothers were a bit shy but kind, with friendly personalities. Easy to talk to. Koudai had a lot of classmates like that. The other boys who were playing soccer called him by his first name, too. Koudai thought the fact that Aizou was an idol would make him less approachable in class, but it seemed like that wasn’t the case.

“Well, something interesting… do the cultural and sports festivals count?”

“During the last festival, your class did a haunted house, right? You were one of the best classes during the costume contest too. Yours was a very popular one, Shibasaki-kun.”

“The girls from our class were really excited about it and they were the ones to design the costumes. I hope everything looked good…”

Aizou seemed a bit embarrassed.

“I think it suited you…” Koudai remembered all the screaming fans running to the haunted house to see Aizou’s costume.

(It went quite well I think).

“Maybe the zombies could have been better,” said Aizou. “Even if it was a haunted house, I wasn’t very scared. I would have wanted it to be more realistic…”

“In my opinion it was pretty well made. Especially the sound. Though, in some areas the lights were too dark and we couldn’t really see the production work. Things like the chandelier, the mannequins or the hands on the walls. I would have liked to see them properly.”

Aizou crossed his arms and mumbled: 

“Yeah, it was a bit dark after all…”

Maybe it was so he and his partner stood out less. It was inevitable, though. If they were there, all eyes would be on them.

“The voice and the wind noise that played when you walked into the room was seriously frightening. It felt so real,” Koudai reminisced.

Aizou grinned widely.

“Oh, that was my voice! Maybe most people didn’t notice… The wind was Yuujirou’s hair dryer, though it wasn’t very strong.”

“It looks like you had a lot of fun at the cultural festival.”

Koudai thought he wasn’t very interested in school events, but it seemed like they both had participated with their classmates both in the sports and the cultural festivals.

“You really are a regular student too, like Mr. Akechi said.”

“Mr. Akechi?”

“Ah, um yes… It’s nothing. This is enough.”

“Are you sure?” Aizou asked rushedly.

“Yes, thank you. By the way, I’d like to interview Someya Yuujirou too, do you know where he is?”

“Yuujirou? Well… I don’t know if he’ll be okay with being interviewed. He can be a little problematic sometimes, but, if you want to… He must be at some secluded place, without many people. The backyard, maybe…”

“I’ll look for him. It’ll be a great article.”

“I haven’t answered much though… just things about the school festival.”

“Everyone wants to know about it. About you doing normal things.” Koudai closed his notebook. “See you,” he told Aizou before leaving.

The girls who had been looking at them from afar immediately ran towards Aizou.

Such a hard life, the school idol’s.

Koudai continued with his path: “The backyard huh…?”

---

When he got there, there were no other students around. Usually, it was the third years who met here, not the freshmen, but there weren’t any seniors around either. Probably because of the November cold. The cherry trees’ leaves had been taken by the wind a long time ago.

Koudai caught sight of a student, standing alone in front of the flower beds.

(Exactly where he said…)

It looked like there were no noisy fans around. That should be better, right? Koudai walked up to the flowerbeds, the ones the gardening club was taking care of. Yuujirou looked at them absentmindedly, like he wasn’t really there.

“Someya-kun,” Koudai said, raising his voice.

Yuujirou turned around, quickly changing his expression. 

“Senpai… Are you talking to me?”

Much like Aizou, Yuujirou also remembered him from the sports festival as a senior from the journalism club.

“I’d like to publish an interview of you and Shibasaki Aizou in the school’s newspaper next month.”

“I’m not supposed to agree to things like that though…”

Koudai sighed lightly at the negative answer, touching the rim of his glasses. He had gotten him to answer some questions at the sports festival, but maybe it was because there were a lot of students around… It wouldn’t be that easy this time.

“I only want to ask about your school life, is that still no good?”

“I am not very good at talking,” Yuujirou bowed his head. “Sorry.”

(I’ve already interviewed Aizou so that could be enough, but…)

He wanted an interview with both of them, but he didn’t want to force him.

Yuujirou turned his head back to the flowers and Koudai looked at them too. Swaying with the cold wind, they were yellow flowers.

“Rudbeckies… they’re still in full bloom…” he commented.

Kotarou and his childhood friend Hina had planted that one. They had joined the club as first years and had fought to preserve them. It was nostalgic. That flower was very important for those two friends.

Yuujirou lifted his gaze and looked back to Koudai, a hint of curiosity in his eyes.

“They’re from the gardening club,” Koudai explained.

“There’s a gardening club…” Yuujirou said to himself, looking at the flowers again.

“Well, I’m not sure if there’ll still be one next year, there aren’t enough members and no one new has joined yet. If you’re interested…

“I can’t join, I’m not interested.”

Koudai exhaled, casually pushing his glasses up.

“Of course.”

Balancing idol work and school couldn’t be easy. He had no time for clubs. And even if he had, it’ll probably attract too many fans.

It was plain to see that Ayase Koyuki’s graduation had been the cause of the club’s demise. Kotarou and Hina were trying to revive it, worried for the club. They really wanted someone new to join.

“You’re staring at the flowerbed a lot… Are you worried about something?”

“It looks like they’re about to die. I was wondering if they’re well cared for.”

“Yeah, it’s because the season for flowers is over. They bloomed already, they’re fine.”

“... You know a lot about this.”

“One of my best friends is in the gardening club.”

He had stayed late reading a flower book with Kotarou at the library once. The season for these flowers was from summer til October. Maybe they had lasted this long because the warm days were expected to continue until mid-January this year. But their season was already over.

“Is the gardening club in charge of the flowerbeds at the rooftop too?”

“Indeed. Kotarou and Setoguchi-san said they had planted pansies. They plan on planting tulips there next spring.” Koudai pointed to a remote flowerbed. The grass had been removed from it and the soil had been smoothed out. “Since the third years are graduating…”

During spring, beautiful and colorful tulips would bloom. Just like the year before.

(Really, in the blink of an eye…)

“Have you had fun? This year…” Koudai asked casually.

Yuujirou furrowed his brow.

“I will not be interviewed.”

“It’s just small talk. I won’t write an article. I promise.”

Yuujirou looked ahead.

“Well,” he said. “It was…” His gaze softened and he smiled slightly.

He must have remembered something good. Koudai wanted to hear a bit more now but…

“I’m glad,” Koudai smiled and turned around.

“That was good?” Yuujirou said, confused.

“This was not an interview. Though, if you were to accept one, I’d gladly do it,” he answered, turning back to face him, and waved his hand.

“Oh, here you are!” Suzumi Hiyori rushed towards Yuujirou with a cheerful voice. “Someya…!!!” . When he noticed Koudai was there, she covered her mouth with her hands mid-yell.

Yuujirou furrowed his brow at her mistake:

“God…” he mumbled.

“Someya-kun… uh… eh… it looks like… Teacher Uchida is calling you,” she said to Someya in a terrified tone and then ran away.

(Is there a teacher named like that in school…?)

Passing by them, Koudai went back into the building.

---

Koudai went to talk to Mr. Akechi at the staff room after class before heading to the club room.

(Mr. Akechi told me to wait until tomorrow, but I don’t think I’ll be able to ask him again…)

He walked down the hall as he thought about it and opened the biology classroom they used for their club. The other members had other work that day, so there probably wasn’t anyone there yet.

However, when he opened the door, he stopped in his tracks. There was in fact a student there.

Yuujirou, standing next to the shelf by the window. He was looking with curiosity at the cameras and lenses Koudai used at the club.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” Koudai commented.

Yuujirou looked at him, chin in hand.

“You said you wanted to interview me, Yamamoto-senpai. But I want to interview you.”

Koudai laughed.

“I wanted to interview you, Mr. Akechi asked me to.”

Yuujirou clumsily turned around. He puffed out his cheeks in annoyance.

“I see,” he said, lowering his voice.

Koudai closed the door behind them.

“Then, let’s start.”

There were lots of things Yuujirou could ask about.

This was going to be a fun interview.

“I wanted you to tell me about the camera.”

“The journalism club is also looking for members. If you’re interested…”

“I can’t join.”

The answer was still simple, but his jaw softened a bit.

“Well… do you want to learn how to take pictures? Of whom?”

“For now… of my dog?”

Koudai walked closer to Yuujirou and handed him his single-lens reflex camera, his favorite one. Yuujirou held it very carefully and pointed the lens towards the window.

“...How do you focus?”

“Like this. It’s set on manual now, but if you set it to auto, it’ll focus on its own. When you change it to shooting mode, you can-”

“Ohhh...” Koudai noticed how bright Yuujirou’s expression was while he looked at the camera.

“... adjust the exposition,” Koudai finished.

Yuujirou nodded with a serious face.

“Can I take a picture?”

“Of course.”

Yuujirou took a step backwards and, much to Koudai’s surprise, turned the lens away from the window to focus on Koudai.

The shutter went off.

“Wait, I am supposed to be the one interviewing you.”

“A bit of change is always good,” Yuujirou joked, lowering the camera.

Koudai pushed his glasses up.

“I see…”

(With Shibasaki Aizou and him… this should be popular)

---

Mid-december brought Yuujirou and Aizou relaxing at the office’s break room.

Yuujirou was sleeping on the table while listening to music. In front of him, Aizou played mobile games to kill time. That day, they had had a meeting with their manager regarding their next mv.

In that moment, Suzumi Hiyori, manager in training, barged into the room yelling:

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!”

Yuujirou was startled by the scream, lifting his head with a sleepy face.

“Monster…” he mumbled. Maybe he was still asleep, actually.

“What the hell, you scared me!” Aizou put his phone down, frowning.

“I brought a surprise!”

Suzumi held the school’s newspaper in her shaky hands. The journalism club members had been handing it out in the school that morning.

“Our… our interview is here!”

Aizou quickly took the newspaper from her hands with sparkling eyes. That morning the girls at school had made a fuss over that issue and he’d been unable to catch a copy for himself; they all disappeared within seconds.

(Oh, last month’s interview… do I have it?)

Yamamoto-senpai had given Aizou a newspaper, but he’d been too busy to read it. He’d left it in his school desk’s drawer and had forgotten about it.

“Where’s the interview?” he asked, skimming through the pages.

Hiyori leaned over.

“Here!” she proudly pointed at the main article.

Comments from their classmate, S-san, a subheader said.

“‘Apparently, they like tuna mayo riceballs’...? What the hell is this?” Aizou complained. “Don’t accept interviews without permission.”

“Well… but I didn’t say anything out of place!” Hiyori shook her head.

“Don’t sound so happy about it. It’s a single line on a school’s paper.”

“Hey, it’s okay! Sometimes I like standing out too, alright? You two are always getting interviewed everywhere.”

“It’s only natural, who’d want to interview a manager in training?” Aizou got up, angry. He wanted to chop Hiyori’s head off.

“Wh… that’s the school newspaper? It’s out already?” Yuujirou mumbled in a sleepy I-just-woke-up voice while he ran his hands through his bangs.

“You got interviewed too. How did they buy you?” Aizou asked him with a  mocking smile.

With his interview, there was also Yuujirou’s. Aizou was surprised, he was sure Yuujirou would’ve refused.

“It was fine… I didn’t answer much…” Yuujirou looked at the article. “‘Preparing for the school festival was hard, but cooperating with everyone was very important’... Aren’t you a fraud? You didn’t do anything, just slept in a coffin.”

“Do you ever shut that irritating mouth of yours?” 

Yuujirou kicked Aizou under the table.

“That hurts! Don’t kick me!”

Right before the argument escalated, the break room’s door opened.

“Sorry for the wait!” It was their manager, Uchida, who seemed to be in a good mood. “The pictures in this newspaper are very good! I wonder if the boy from the journalism club took them, he’s got a good eye. He captured that natural side you two rarely let out.”

“Eh?! Why did Uchida-san read the newspaper?!” Aizou asked loudly, pointing at the school’s newspaper.

“Oh, the teacher in charge of the journalism club sent it to me. He asked me for permission to interview you two, he’s a good teacher. But, above that, he’s a good man~ ❤” Manager Uchida giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I don’t want to hear that!”

“I didn’t really cooperate anyway…” Yuujirou mumbled sleepily.

“I wonder if I can post the newspaper’s pictures on our website,” Manager Uchida wondered. “Like a precious photo of LIPxLIP’s school life!” she suggested.

“Oh, that’s right! If our interview appeared in a newspaper, I should contact my grandma and my mom!” Hiyori excitedly pulled out her phone and started to dial her house. “Oh, but I should contact my school counselor too and send them a picture!”

Manager Uchida happily strolled around the room, skipping steps, almost jumping.

“Stop that-!!”

“You’re so loud. You’re not a speaker, lower your volume.”

“Don’t cover your ears and stop Uchida-san! She’s out of control, what if she makes merch out of the pictures?!”

“It’s fine by me. Unlike Aizou, I don’t find it embarrassing.”

“What do you mean ‘unlike Aizou’?”

“Oh, mom! I got the newspaper! It’s our school’s but… I’ll fax it to you at a convenience store. So you can read it! Eh? Dried plum? Yes, I’d love to eat some! Oh, send me rice too. Yes… hm, canned.”

“Hey, potato girl, call your home outside of your work schedule!!”

“Don’t call me potato! … Oh, mom? It’s nothing. The pineapple from my part-time job is making fun of me… Yes, it’s fine. I totally defeated him!”

“Eh?! What are you telling your parents?!”

“Pfft… a pineapple!”

“Don’t laugh, Yuujirou…”

---

Koudai leaned over the rooftop’s railing after school, looking at the ground that was dyed by the sunset. The soccer, baseball and track and field club members trained with enthusiasm despite the cold.

Kotarou’s figure received a pass and ran after the ball. Hina’s running figure seemed small. And Suzumi Hiyori’s, who ran with her, did too.

Takamizawa Arisa and Shibasaki Ken were leaving the school building, walking next to each other. He saw Ken stop and laugh, waving at Kotarou.

In the school’s gate, the idol duo’s fans were waiting for the manager’s car to arrive, surely making a fuss. And it was not just Sakuragaoka’s uniforms, but from other schools too.

It was a familiar sight.

“It’s cold…” mumbled Mr. Akechi, his advisor, as he opened the door and walked into the rooftop.

When he got to Koudai’s side, he trembled and rubbed his arms. He put his hands in the pockets of his white labcoat.

“Mr. Akechi…”

“Thank you for your hard work. Today’s article was very well received,” Mr. Akechi smiled. “A success.”

“It was because those two answered properly…”

They had balanced what they should answer, what they wanted to answer, what Koudai was looking for and the proper wording for it. They were clever and talented. Going to school with those two…they really were pros.

“It worked because you’re you, Yamamoto, don’t you think?”

When he heard those words, Koudai turned to look at Mr. Akechi. His eyes were fixated on the ground, where the students could be heard yelling.

“Ah, the youth,” he whispered with a smile.

“I only wrote.”

It had been Mr. Akechi who gave him the article, and he had apparently called the office to ask for permission. Thanks to that, he’d been able to publish a special picture of those two in the newspaper. The interview wouldn’t have been possible without him.

“Did you ask me to do it because you trusted me? If not, I don’t think I would’ve done it. Those two…”

Koudai saw Akechi’s furrowed brow and laughed.

He must fight with them constantly too. They probably weren’t easy-to-handle students at all. 

“It’s hard, right? For teachers, too.”

“Well… they’re never boring, though. It’s like this every year.” He smiled, hands in pockets. His eyes were looking at the sunset sky, gazing at an airplane far away.

“I see,” Koudai commented.

“Those two’s manager praised your picture. It was a very good shot. She wants to put it on their website, is that okay?”

“Yes, I’ll send it to you later.”

Koudai waved him goodbye, and Mr. Akechi left the rooftop. Koudai stayed there some more time. The sun’s warmth hit his back, his shadow falling over the flowerbed.

He took out the lollipop Mr. Akechi had given him before. He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. Koudai gazed at the ground, leaning over the railing.

An irreplaceable year for everyone.

Everything moves forward while the present turns into a memory.

Like the older graduated students, and the ones to follow too.

“Someya Yuujirou and Shibasaki Aizou, they both seem to have had a satisfactory year. The journalism club wishes to look over them to see what awaits them in high school.” -Yamamoto Koudai

[ficstoreadinthedark]

Werk

ᵍᶦᶠ ᶜʳᵉᵈᶦᵗˢ ᵗᵒ ˢᵃⁿʲᵘʳᵒᵏᵘʷᵃᵇᵃᵗᵃᵏᵉ

Tags: Ivar x Reader,  threats, violence, pregnancy

Genre: A little Angst and a little smutty towards the end ;) (this was supposed to be fluff, but I don’t know how I ended up with this?)

Request:   Anonymous said:#20 with ivar the boneless, like she says it to get him and sigurd to stop fighting and he gets pissed when he finds out she’s not so she’s like “stop wasting time and get me pregnant if you’re wanting a baby!”

Note: I changed the prompt terminology to suit the time period still the same general idea (:  (the “werk” title was intentional it’s not an error.)

Please do leave some feedback just to let me know you guys are still around 🤗

 ✨

You were quite a distance from the great hall yet you could hear all the screaming and bickering going on in there, you could distinguish your husband's voice as you approached, your steps made haste as you balanced a basket of linens on your hip, the argument seemed only to worsen; the resounding of objects being chucked made you grip your basket tighter up against your hip. You knew your husband had quite the temper, but to hear him howling such terrible threats as he was, truly worried you. Upon crossing the threshold to the great hall you were more than displeased at the sight before you, Ivar, and Sigurd were at it once again, always going at each other's throats. This time almost quite literally, as Ivar flung himself out his chair grasping Sigurd by the neck as he knocked him out of his seat on to the hard plank wooden floor along with himself. 

“What’s wrong Ivar!? Can’t handle the truth?” His brother mocked him as he wrestled to get Ivar off of him. 

“Close your mouth! or I’ll have it swollen shut!” Ivar threatened as he delivered a sharp blow to his brother's jaw.

You stood disturbed for a mere split second as you watched the younger Ragnarssons fight each other while the older two seemed to be amused, Ubbe leaned against a  wooden pillar with his ever so expressive eyes closely following the brawling with no apparent concern. He had gotten quite used to his younger brothers’ scuffles, meanwhile Hvitserk did the same as he sat at the table with his feet kicked up as he chugged his mead.

“Stop! Both of you stop fighting!” You cried out as you dropped your basket of linens and approached them both begging them to stop hurting each other, but it was as if they could not hear you. 

“Ubbe! Please, do something.” You pleaded for your brother in law to step in before they could severely hurt each other. 

“Alright, alright.” Ubbe conceded as he nonchalantly made his way to separate the two, he took them both by the back collars of their tunics and flung them back. Ubbe held Sigurd back as you went to Ivar and helped him sit upon a chair. 

“That’s right Ivar, go on. Hide behind your woman’s skirts now that your mommy isn’t here.” Sigurd continued to egg him on as he did before.  Ivar’s erratic breathing and the harsh scowl that hadn’t left his brows was more than enough for you to know Ivar had full intention of lunging himself at his brother again and pick up the fight just where it left off if given the chance. The way his shoulders continued to tense up where the dead give away before he could get a chance to respond you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as you stood to the side, a step behind him, “Do not heed his words Ivar. You know he only does it to bother you.” You attempted to pacify him, and it seemed to somewhat work as he reached out an arm pulling you closer and wrapping his right arm around your waist.

“You are right, my sweet wife.” He agreed as he looked up to you and gave you a smile before continuing, “You see Sigurd here, the snake seems to yearn for what is mine” he emphasized as he pulled you closer. 

Sigurd scoffed “I may have one in the eye but you sure slither like one on the ground. You’re more snake than a man.” He made a brief pause to look straight in your eyes before admiring your features. “I’m sure your wife tires of it.”  He made no effort to hide how his eyes coveted you, his eyes slowly took you in your curves admiring your supple breasts, your waist, and how he desired to know how it would feel to have your hips between his hands one night. “She soon may seek to warm another’s bed, someone who can offer her more than just warmth. I would not mind giving her more than just warmth, I could put those hips to good use.” He mocked with a smirk.  

You looked at him in repugnance and anger, who was he to look at you and speak of you as if you were some common whore and not his own brother’s wife, you angered that he thought you’d be so fickle-minded to abandon your husband, for another. Without hesitation or much thought you interlaced your fingers with Ivar’s as his hand rested on you and delivered a surprise to all, “Foolish little snake, it seems even the gods are set on making a fool of you.” All of them seemed confused by your words, you turned to Ivar and gave him a sweet smile. “I wanted to surprise my husband alone tonight with the good fortune that has come to us.” You continued s you lifted your free hand and gently placed it on your abdomen. Ivar’s brothers looked at you wide-eyed as he looked at you puzzled. “Don’t look so startled that I am with child, I knew it would happen, even if you all doubted.” 

Ivar beamed with joy so much he felt he would not be able to contain it, he wrapped both arms around your middle and leaned his head on you. “Our child?”  You nodded your head yes to him.

His oldest brothers laughed in amusement while Sigurd stormed out of the hall. 

“Well, I’ll drink to that! Skål!” Hvitserk chirped in as if he ever needed a reason to drink. 

“So will I brother!” Ubbe agreed. 

——-

Later that night as you readied for bed with Ivar your guilt was overwhelming, all Ivar had done all day and evening was speak of his child, a child yet not conceived. A child you very much yearned for, a child you longed for so very long to hold in your arms, tangible proof of your love and Ivar’s.  You were silent as you took out your earrings and unhooked the lavish ornament around your neck, listening to him go on about what things he would do with his child if you were expecting a son. It pained you to soon have to take that joy from him and you began to regret having lied but at that moment you didn’t know what else to do. 

“Beloved? Are you listening?” He asked as he slipped off his tunic baring his toned chest. 

“I am, husband.” You assured as you undid the laces on the sides of your dress before slipping out of it, leaving you in your thin ivory slip.  You neared him as he sat at the edge of your bed, you lowered to your knees before him, undoing the braces on his legs, like you did every night, you liked to tend to your husband on your own without the help of any thralls. He continued on about his child, “And if we have a daughter…” 

“Ivar…” You stopped him mid-sentence as you took his bigger hands in yours. He looked down at you confused yet attentive. “I have something I must confess…” you looked down, you couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes as you were to break his hopes. “I’m sorry.” You admitted. He held your hands in one hand as the other reached under your chin to tilt your face up to meet your eyes, they were so sorrowful, his own eyes mimicked the pain in yours as he was filled with concern.

“What is it, my love?” Surely you could not have done anything that he was not willing to forgive.  Your eyes watered a bit but you did not let a tear fall, you weren’t sad for yourself but for Ivar, you knew how much he wanted this.

“Ivar, please forgive me. I do not mean to hurt you but I can not lie to you… I am not with child.” 

He promptly pulled his hands away from you and that sent a pang of pain right through you.  He was greatly perplexed, how could you in a day give him the greatest joy and also on the same day take it away just like that with a few words. “I’m sorry Ivar.” You pleaded as your hands rested on his knees. He refused to look at you.

“You must have had fun, mocking my brother up to be a fool, while truly you make a fool out of your husband.”

“ I just wanted him to stop. It was not my intention…” you were cut off by Ivar.

“Maybe Sigurd is right, maybe I cannot offer you anything more than warmth. Maybe…”

“Ivar!” You would not let him continue where he was going. “I will not stray to another man’s bed, and you know it well.” The way he looked down at you so intently almost as if you were prey set off something very deep in your core that you could not repress. Surely you knew one of many ways to comfort your husband and soothe away his ill-temper. Ever so gently you began to glide your fingers from his knees up to his thighs tenderly snaking your fingers up him with just the right pressure not so much that you’d cause him discomfort but just enough to stimulate his senses.

His breath hitched, “What are you doing?” He instinctively leaned back a bit resting on his forearms.  

“Ivar~” You cooed as your fingers playfully drew up abstract shapes on his pelvis, you toyed with him touching near but never where he wanted you to touch. “If you are yearning so much for a child. Then…”  you paused just before giving him what he wanted you traced your middle finger up his arousal, “Don’t let time go to waste and get to work.” You said mischievously before cupping the bulge between his legs.

His breath caught in his throat at the unexpected contact, his hands snapped around your wrists pulling you up as he guided you to straddle his hips.  You attempted to  carefully adjust yourself on his hips but he returned the surprise by harshly gripping your hips and grinding your core against his bulge, “It’s going to be a very long night.” You caught yourself on his chest as he leaned in and whispered, “You’ve got a lot of making up to do my sweet wife, perhaps if you work hard enough tonight our prayers might be answered.”  His lips nipped down your neck while his hands stealthily slipped under and up your slip to knead your bottom and cup it his hands. You looked down only to behold his mischievous eyes looking right back into yours, and you knew indeed you were in for a very long night.  Perhaps he was right tonight just might be that night.

______

edit: so I tried to edit one small error on the tumblr app and it had the freaking audacity to delete everything but the tags, so I hope everything looks/reads normal. I forgot what I originally wrote for the ending note 

your comments and feed back would be very appreciated (: