#fuck college don't go it's a scam

[aberooski]

Dear lord,

Please allow the perfect job for me with a not terrible salary to fall into my lap because I desperately need fucking money please I'm trying so fucking hard to find literally anything in this hellscape 😭

Amen

[naivety]

not to be an ass but if you're giving so much to fundraisers spread around on tumblr dot com that you're out of money that is a you problem. most are asking for single digit donations or a share for other people to decide of they want to do the same. if they are a scam, make sure you lose money you can stand to lose, and if not, 100 people who can afford to donate $5 each will add up real quick for someone who needs it and will absolutely not be a waste to anybody anywhere. if you have time and energy to research multiple fundraisers yourself, awesome, and if you don't, $1 or $5 or $10 is not going to kill you, unless it is, in which case, you can simply not donate! nobody has a gun to your head. ultimately it is your decision and your judgement call if that's something you can afford to spend, scam or otherwise, vetted yourself or otherwise, as a grown ass adult with functioning free will. it is not that complicated, next question.

[swagging-back-to]

finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))

[samhaven]

Fast food jumpscare

[giantkillerjack]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend accurately conveying what it was like for me to graduate college into a professional world with no upward mobility but A WHOLE LOT of inspirational wall decorations. 🤣🙃🙃🙃

[cashewally-sarcastic]

to the professors who are making all their textbooks digital access books that students can't keep, sell, or try to find used for cheaper, I hope you die very painfully

[s-4pphics]

click! 1 (e.w.)

SYNOPSIS: you need a roommate, and you love eggplant. [college au]

WORD COUNT: 3.7k

WARNINGS: photographer/roommate!ellie, ocs an artist with a reputation :p, they’re both rude as shit, crack, all ocs are black coded yeeahhh yeah, awkward meetings, slut-shaming, brief cunninglingus, mention of eviction, smut later yall know tha vibes 

two. three. four.

A/N: short part just stay w me lemme cook... excited 2 write this lets get this shit yall

“W-What do you mean you’re moving?” 

Your roommate and best friend wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you close. Tears flooded in your eyes as she whispered the daunting news, your heart cracking in your chest. 

“I’m moving soon, stink.” Too soon, according to her. She’ll be gone by next week. Amaya snickered sadly as she cooed in your temple. “It's for good reason, though.”

Your ears perk, a curious hum vibrating her shoulder. 

“I got that internship— “

All sadness melds into excitement for your favorite person. You leap into her arms with squeals of congratulatory joy, planting smacking kisses all over her squishy cheek. 

“Oh my god! You should’ve said that first, bitch! What the fuck!” You wipe your tears on her hoodie. 

Her laughter rattles through your neck, “I just found out after class! I almost got hit by a fucking bus reading the email.” 

Amaya sets you down, rambles about her new position as a songwriting intern spilling from her like an overfilled glass. Tears of joy flow from you and her as she retells every detail about her acceptance. She’s leaving in a week and a half and going farther than you thought. 

“Girl… you’re really moving to New York?” 

“Only for like… four months, max. But yeah… Boutta be on BET come next year— “

“Maya.” 

“Hm?”

“… I can’t pay rent by myself,” you whisper, cringing and embarrassed. 

You hate to ruin her moment, but you’re concerned; Living off campus isn’t cheap and moving in the middle of the semester is less than ideal. It’d be a fucking hassle, and — to be frank — you’re not a people person. 

People like having you around because you’re fun, sure. But your reputation isn’t what you hoped for it to be when you moved out of your dad’s place for school. You wanted to be recognized for your creativity, and while your professors never hesitated to praise your talents, your peers failed to see past the status that was placed upon you. 

Frankly, you’re deemed as a dumb whore, especially after your falling out with one of the campuses best softball pitchers. 

It wasn’t even your fault. One raunchy snap to the wrong person and people think you live for sex and sex only! Just when you think everyone is over slut-shaming… 

“You thought I was gonna leave you to fend for yourself? Guess what I did.” 

Oh God. “What?” 

She twiddles her fingers together villainously, “I may or may not have set up an application on the student homepage— “

The small glimmer of hope washes away, shoulders dropping, fingers coming up to massage your temples.  

“Maya…” You exhale, trying to keep calm, “You know those things don’t fucking work!” 

Roommate compatibility is a fucking scam. No one ever notes how they actually are in the application. You think you’ve found someone that’s clean, quiet, stays out of your space without permission and the next day you find dead roaches under your couch. College attendees have no idea what bleach is and it makes you sick. 

“Damn… you’re usually optimistic.” 

“I’m optimistic about good ideas. I’m gonna be living with a fucking freak from Craigslist, thanks a lot.” 

“C’mooon! You’ll be fine, babe, trust me.” Amaya wraps her arms around your neck once more, wetly smacking your cheek before turning to paddle to her room. “Plus, you’ll meet someone new!”

When you don't follow, she spins. She must’ve noticed your impassiveness, poutingly asking to help me pack? Tears overwhelm your ducts once more, quietly taking her extended hand as she leads you to her bedroom. 

DAY ONE of roommate searching began, and you were already prepared to move back in with your dad. Amaya had enough time to orchestrate the housing agreement with you, making sure to highlight some of your most important characteristics in a roommate. One of the main ones being cleanliness. Some form of organization. 

DAY TWO was easier… Someone finally made it to the in-person interview stage. They didn’t make it far, though; They wouldn’t stop smacking their gum and it drove you crazy. Back to square one. 

DAY SIX came around and you were losing hope; Why are frat boys applying to live with you? You’d rather jump into oncoming traffic than house with any of Abby’s annoying, dirty friends. You've seen their house on numerous occasions and it never fails to make your skin crawl. 

It’s DAY THIRTEEN, and Amaya’s gone. After the sobbing fit with your best friend at the airport earlier, you got back to work. 

DENY REQUEST. 

…

DENY REQUEST. 

…

DENY REQUEST. 

You sigh in exhaustion and lean back in your chair. If you don't take a break from your screen in the next five seconds, your eyes will bleed. 

Why are people… so odd? 

The number of applications you’ve had to deny in the last week is criminal; Why are cis-het men continuously filling out applications knowing they’re not welcome in your space?! 

Even the people that made it to the in-person interview stage are incapable of being… not strange. You’d rather die than live with someone who collects dead maggots in mason jars (yes, you did almost call the police when they described their fascination with death in depth)!

All you need is one fruitful application with an identity to match! Just one. 

Amaya still calls from New York whenever she has a moment of peace to see how the roomie-search is going, but you can’t ignore the sadness that fills your heart every time she misses a call. Her laughter is gone, and your day-to-day life feels empty. 

They’re already working your bestie to the bone; You hope she can feel your encouragement from thousands of miles away. 

You scroll and click, scroll and click, scroll and deny deny deny until you pause, your eyes skimming over the application with a familiar name. 

ELLIE WILLIAMS. 

Ellie from stats, you instantly recognize. Curiosity perks and your brows furrow, sipping lukewarm tea as you skim over her contact information, her pet preferences, all the way down to her additional commentary. A snicker left at her blunt statement. 

temporary request. my last roommate moved and i’m poor. just waiting on this job approval. 

… Ellie in a nutshell. How relatable.

At least she’s not a complete stranger. Every interaction with her stirs in your mind as you jot her number down on a lone sticky-note. They were nothing special from your perspective: the two of you exchanging notes, her holding the door open as everyone scurried out of class, you asking for a pencil (and her asking for it back after the lecture), and you can’t help but wonder why she would want to apply to share a space with anyone, let alone you. 

She's only ever been described as standoffish by your peers. From the outside, Ellie’s blank. Flat tone, flat expression, plain appearance, and the fact that you never know what she’s thinking is unsettling. You’re thrown off your game whenever she’s near and you hate it. 

But the spot is temporary; Amaya will be back in a couple of months, and it seems Ellie’s leaving sometime soon by her small note. 

You down the rest of your tea and stretch where you sit, pondering. Trying to imagine Ellie in your space.

“I don’t know why I can’t take Maya’s spot. I’d make an excellent roommate.” 

Your expression flattens, glare piercing through your good friend. 

Abby scoffs, “C’mooon! I mind my business...” She pauses, leaning across the table, nearly knocking your coffee over. Her whispers send a shock down your spine, “…and I give good head. I’m a package deal.” 

A brow raises. Abby’s sweeter than candy and she puts it down, but you already made the mistake of living with someone you fucked before, and you vowed to never do it again. If Amaya hadn’t given you a place to stay after the blow up between you and your ball-throwing sneaky link, you’re not sure where you'd be. Definitely not a student; The stress would’ve forced you to collapse. And drop out. 

“Sorry, stink. Not happening.” 

She rolls her eyes, “Whatever.” She takes a sip from her drink, “Can’t believe you’d let that freak in before me.” 

You pause. “You’re a freak, too— “

“I’m the good kind!” She searches like someone’s watching her, voice dropping to a whisper, “Ellie’s fucking weird, dude. When’s the last time you’ve seen her interact with anyone? A literal fucking NPC. All she’s programmed to do is stand and look.” 

“And give out pencils,” You interject with a snicker, “Who cares. I don’t like most of the idiots here, either. I barely put up with your ass.” 

Abby raises her glove-covered palms in surrender, “Fuck it. When I see an alert about a missing student, I’ll know who it is.” 

“You’re so fucking extra— “

DING!

Your neck cranes towards the opening cafe door, shock surging through your body at the sight of the NPC in question. Ellie silently stands at the back of the line, headphones secured on her head and nose red from the cold, classically bored expression plastered on her face. 

“Oh, this is hilarious,” Abby huffs, “Go greet your new housemate.” 

Another glare is sent in her direction, “Can you shut up? Her name’s not on any lease. I barely talked to her.”  

“Do it now, then. Triple dog dare you.” Abby smirks behind her cup. 

You sigh and raise from your seat, “You’re a cunt.” 

“The wettest. Go.” 

You flick her forehead before making your way over to Ellie, who’s mindlessly scrolling through her phone. Her sniffles get louder with each step you take, metal music blasting through her speakers. 

You tap her shoulder and she jumps, sliding one of her ear cups over to hear. 

“Hey, Ellie,” you smile politely. 

“… Sup,” she mutters hoarsely, turning her body towards you, eyes filled with… nothing. Expected. 

Silence passes, and you fill it, “I got your app yesterday. Just wanted to come and introduce myself.” 

“Alright.” 

More silence. You can see Abby out the corner of your eye, mockingly swiping her tongue between her index and middle finger. You flush and stutter, and Ellie’s staring like you have two heads. 

“I, uh… yeah. I’ve been having interviews with some people that submitted a form. You free sometime this week?” 

“Uhh…” She glances down at her phone. “Yeah. Around five tomorrow.” 

More silence. Fuck, this is awkward. 

“… Cool.” You pull your phone out and text her saved number, the alarm ringing from her phone. “That’s me. Just call before you stop by.” 

She nods and turns her back to you, cranking her music to full volume. You gawkily shuffle where you stand before hustling back to your table, Abby cackling to herself. You plop down and kick her under the table, but she laughs harder. 

“What’d I say!” 

“Not a thing,” You hiss, “She’s just a little awkward. It’s not that serious.” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“Oh yeah what.” 

“She’s definitely your fucking housemate.” She tsks in disappointment before a smirk appears, her eyes darkening. “Can I eat it one last time before she moves in?” 

A jolt surges in your tummy, your hand closing into a fist. You kick her again and she giggles. 

Time passes as you and Abby’s conversation carries on like normal. Another ding rings through the coffee shop after some time, and you watch Ellie’s backpack bounce as she rushes down the sidewalk; Abby’s rambles about a soccer player she’s trying to smash sound like gibberish. 

Ellie has a Spider-Man charm and laminated polaroid latched onto her zipper. 

… Cute. 

You’re going to fail statistics over a random.

Your professor’s voice sounds like white noise; Every pause she takes is used as an opportunity to sneak glances at Ellie. None of your notes are useful; The doodles and sloppy scribbles are solidifying that incoming F, for sure. Only fifteen minutes until you’re out of here. 

She’s two seats down from you, jotting down whatever she deems necessary for the midterm. You didn’t even register her answering the professor’s question, her rosy lips curving around her teeth with each syllable. 

Ellie blinks slowly, twice, three times before her eyes lock with yours, brows furrowed, evidently confused at your gawking. 

Your stomach drops with your gaze, fingers curled tightly around your pencil. 

The lecture finally comes to a close as your thoughts flurry, wordlessly shoving your books into your bag. A light tap on your shoulder yanks your attention. 

Ellie stands before you, puffer cinched under the bands of her backpack and cheeks just as rosy as before. 

“Hey. Can we switch the time?” 

“Huh?” Don’t stare, don’t stare. 

She sighs, “The time for the interview. Can we change it?” 

You blink dumbly, “Uh… sure. To what time?” 

Agitation creases her brows. “Now. Something came up and I can’t miss it.” She pauses, eyes flicking awkwardly around the room, weakly adding, “If that’s okay.” 

“Um… yeah, no problem…” You peer at the clock on the wall, “You want a coffee?” 

A slight wince from her. “… Yup.” 

She clearly doesn’t by the way her fingers are anxiously tapping on her thigh, but you nod nonetheless, hurriedly grabbing your belongings and leading her down to the student lounge. 

“I don’t want you thinking this interview is one-sided,” You pray your gentle smile is calming the evident nerves of the freckled girl. “You can ask me anything you want, as well. If you have any concerns, any questions, shoot.” 

Ellie’s eyes are glued to her coffee cup, but her head bobs, expression void. Silence simmers between you. 

“I usually start these off with an icebreaker to get the jitters out! Just list three facts about yourself and I’ll follow.” 

Ellie’s lone hand comes up to scratch underneath her ear before meeting your gaze. Her eyes are so pretty; Too bad there’s nothing behind them. 

“Or I can go, sure, so!” Your hands clap together, “I’ll start with myself. I’m majoring in graphic design, I’m secretly a theater nerd, and I dream about owning an eggplant farm.” 

The girl before you clearly didn't expect that last statement. Her brows crease and the corner of her lip arches upward in a barely-there smile. Foreign to her face. 

“That’s not a fact,” She mutters, the shell in her pupils cracking. Just slightly. 

“Who cares, I love eggplant. Best vegetable by a landslide.” 

“Sike.” 

You scoff in disbelief, “What?” 

“Everybody on the planet knows that squash is god-tier— “

You squint, “Squash? Are you deadass?”

“It’s fucking versatile!” Ellie’s voice pitches higher, and your grin widens, “You can put it in everything and you don’t have to do much. Eggplant sucks up everything in the pan and still comes out soggy and tasteless— “

Choked laughter leaves your mouth, “If you don’t know how to cook, just say that.” 

Her mouth drops in exaggerated shock. “I know how to fuckin’ cook.” 

“Right.” 

“I do, what the he— “

“Fun fact about Ellie: she can’t cook!” You kiddingly sneer. She chuckles and shakes her head, tongue poking the inside of her cheek. You almost miss her statement, “I take pictures.” 

“Hm?” 

“I wanna be a professional photographer... At some point. I take pic— “

Ellie’s phone vibrates on the table and she leaps into action, snatching her bag from beside her and standing from her seat. 

“Wait— “

“I gotta go,” She mutters as she straps her bag around her shoulders. “Sorry. See you later.” 

Ellie throws some bills on the table before dipping, her phone pressed against her ear, rambling about making time. She barely touched her coffee. 

Could’ve been worse, you utter to yourself. 

Days pass, and you don’t hear from Ellie. 

When you saw her in stats two days after the interview, she hardly acknowledged you, morphing into the hermit that you knew her to be. You noted how tired she looked, though. You would’ve asked if she were okay if she hadn’t run out of class without a word. 

You’re weighing your options: allowing a random oddball into your apartment, or allowing a random oddball who hates eggplant into your apartment. Rent is due next week, and Amaya’s space is still vacant. 

At this point, the roster is almost nonexistent, and Ellie was the least concerning candidate. Despite Abby’s concern, she doesn’t seem like the type of person to bury dead bodies in the front lawn. 

“I dunno, friend. She’s a little weird. Getting mad incel vibes from her.” 

Your eyes roll back into your skull as you munch on cashews, “You’re getting vibes from someone you never talked to. She seemed cool at the interview.” 

“Yeah, 'cause vegetable debates are so note-worthy,” Amaya scoffs. 

She’s starting to sound a little too much like Abby, “I think y’all are forgetting that this is a temporary solution. I’m not tryna spend the rest of my fucking life with her! I need rent paid and she needs a place to stay for a few months.” 

Your best friend’s sigh drags through the line, “Alright… It seems like you made up your mind.” 

“Like I said, rent is due. I don’t have many options.” 

“Stop stressing. You found my replacement, apparently.” 

She pauses before hollering, “BITCH, IT’S SATURDAY! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU INSIDE? WHERE’S ABBY?” 

“Out smashing soccer players.” You huff. 

“Damn… My fault.” 

“I’m chilling. I just need head.” 

“Go out! Find somebody!” 

You groan, “Then I’ll have to shave— “

“Nair exists, you bonehead! Just go! You keep calling in a bad mood and it’s getting on my nerves!” 

You ponder and glance at your digital clock. It’s not even ten… Abby did tell you that Kappa was throwing.

“I can hear the engines turning in your big head. Bye.” 

Laughter explodes from you at the dial tone. 

“Hey, Siri… call Abby.” 

“CALLING ABBY BIG DICK SLUT— “

Tonight has been a blur since you left your apartment. 

You remember making it halfway through Blam Boom before your speaker died, downing your last couple of shots of 1800, and Ubering to the location Abby pinged. 

It only took a few minutes for her to scoop you up onto the packed kitchen counter and shove her tongue in your mouth. One shout of I’m horny from you and she was yours for the rest of the night. 

Now you’re pressed up against some bathroom sink upstairs, Abby’s head shaking between your legs, your jeans and underwear flung onto the shower rail. Each flick of her tongue is both clumsy and precise, applying pressure exactly where you need it. 

Your clit’s throbbing under her tongue, the muscle igniting the flame in your tummy as your climax builds, zaps in your spine. Cries of her name meld with the booming music from outside, the walls rattling like nerves in your toes. 

Abby’s gorgeous under you, you know it, the drunk part of your brain knows it, your desperate cunt knows it, but you’re no longer thinking about her compared to earlier. Your mind is elsewhere, somewhere it shouldn’t be. 

You’re thinking of freckles. Green eyes instead of blue. Chapped, rosy lips, and you don’t know why. But you succumb to it. Ellie’s trapped underneath your eyelids, crowding your senses, your empty head suddenly full of images of her in any way you could conjure. 

Your orgasm shatters you, but you’re silent, trembling hand glued over your mouth as Abby groans in your cunt. She’s a doll, easing you back down to earth, dragging your underwear and pants up your shaky legs and getting you back home safely. 

When you’re showered and your teeth are brushed, she tucks you in, gently kissing your forehead. You beg her to stay with you, but she declines with I know how you get before silently departing. 

Your phone is squeezed between your fingers after minutes of trying to sleep, eyeing Ellie’s saved contact until darkness overtakes you. 

The pounding on your door is worse than the ones from inside your skull. Fuck Tequila, from the bottom of your heart. Waves of nausea crash over you with every waddle, hobbling your hunched form over to yank the front door open. 

A bored Ellie stands in front of you, a large camera and headphones hanging from her neck, seemingly cozy in her sweater and puffer, large duffel bags packed to the brim with clothes dangling from her shoulders. Your cheeks warm instantly. Gray sweats, gray sweats—

“I’m here,” She states plainly. 

“… Why?” You croak.

Ellie’s seems just as confused as you, her eyes piercing as if her appearance is obvious. 

“To move in.” 

“… Why?”

Ellie sighs and snags her phone from her jacket pocket, swiping a few times before nearly blinding you with her screen. 

Your jaw nearly hits the floor. When the fuck did you send that? 

“So, I’m here,” she slips her device back in her pocket. “Which room am I in?” 

“E-Ellie, uh… there's been a mis— “

“Look,” she holds her pale, veiny hands up. “I don’t wanna beat around the bush anymore. I got evicted and I need a place to stay until I secure this job. I’m willing to put down whatever’s needed for rent but I don’t have time to bullshit.” 

Ellie proceeds, sarcasm slipping, “Respectfully.” 

She pushes past your stunned form, bags accidentally brushing against your bare legs. You can't even move to stop her; You merely watch Ellie shuffle to inspect the living room, the small kitchen, pausing in front of the abstract painting you made for your dad before eventually moving down the hall and into Amaya’s empty space. How the fuck did she get in the building, anyway?

Your deer-like eyes lock with her void, mossy ones as she peers over her shoulder. 

“I still have some stuff to pick up. Please leave my key under the mat if you go somewhere.” 

Before she enters the empty room next to yours, you hear her gruffly say, “Leave the lease on the table so I can sign it, too.”

Amaya’s — Ellie’s door slams shut seconds later, the soft click of the door locking follows suit. 

…

What the fuck just happened. Gall almost surpasses your anger. The audacity...

For the first time, you’re grateful that your shift is in two hours. You need to get the fuck out of here before you cause a scene and catch a case. 

tagggiiiesss missed yall ;3 : @starologist @hrtmal @ohlawdthebirds @villainousbear @timmy-27 @inf3ct3dd @aouiaa @shurisbigtoe @emothurman @lonelyfooryouonly @imelliesgf @baumbii @brackishkittie @littletinyladybugs @r1miese @horror-whoree @elsbunny222 @elliesatchel @makemescreamel @lav3nd3rhaze @elliezflower @ellieloml @ellies-princess @saverdelrey @womenofarcane

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2

(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys

the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise

----

61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.

62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.

63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.

64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider

65. mmm crumchy

66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video

67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast

68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!

69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.

70. reverse death note

71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway

72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten

73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus

74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee

75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"

76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences

77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom

78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him

79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors

80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar

82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you

83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display

84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(

85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?

86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.

87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.

88. guys i think this guy likes to dig

89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!

90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)

91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars

92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay

93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz

94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor

95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.

96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?

97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole

98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶

99. another one bites the dust

100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)

101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory

102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG

103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.

104. pennywise stole my brother's skin

105. it's world war z baby

106. Something Big Is In Space.

107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there

108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.

109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires

110. yeah man those spiders be eating

Part 1 |

[dazednstoned]

Modern Rdr2 hcs:

-Abigail dresses like it's the 2000s (I'm talking miniskirts, low rise jeans, heeled flip flops w the fucking sparkles). She will never change too.

-Charles and Arthur go on dates to those adoption events to pet all the dogs and cats

-the whole gang frequently gathers for family bbqs. Every time someone ends up getting punched, passing out, or storming off

-Abigail puts Jack on one of those backpack leashes for kids (John too if we're being honest)

-Tilly, Karen, and Marybeth do full goodwill, garage sale, and vintage market days. They do not mess around either

-the only thing hosea knows how to do on his phone is play chess

-Sean still can't read in modern time

-john plays guitar and writes really horrible love songs for Abigail

-Javier and john r for sure in a band together, they're pretty good when they sing the songs Javier wrote

-Lenny and Sean co-parent an extremely neglected widgetable

-Arthur listens to facebook reels on full volume in public w no shame. Isaac is mortified every time

-john has various tattoos, half of them are god awful. He definitely got Abigail's name or initials tattooed somewhere and she was livid

-Karen gives herself piercings with a really shitty piercing gun

-arthur and John work together in construction, an auto shop, or in the equestrian field.

-Dutch has a very rigid and lengthy skincare routine

-john uses 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, but he says it's 3 in 1 bc it also counts as bodywash

-Tilly is the only one of her family to graduate college (Arthur dropped out of hs when Eliza got pregnant and john never went)

-Hosea is one of those old people you just see walking around the neighborhood at like 8am

-john and Arthur don't wear sunscreen or put on lotion. Abigail sometimes manages to force some sunscreen on John's face before he goes to work tho

-bill refuses to go to gay bars but uses Grindr

-Abigail cuts John and Jack's hair bc she refuses to pay for something she thinks she can do herself (she cannot do it herself)

-Kieran is a hair braiding god. I'm talking French braids, fish tails, you name it.

-john owns a really shitty pick up truck. Jack was either conceived or birthed in the backseat of it (maybe both)

-Sean falls for those free iPhone scams every time

-the only videogame charles plays is stardew valley. He thought it would be relaxing, it wasn't.

-Tilly and Mary Beth are in a book club together

-Abigail is the type of parent to not let her kid play w nerf guns or watch pg13 movies (John is the exact opposite)

-Sadie spends her weekends at rage rooms

-everyone's fridges are covered in drawings Jack made for them

-John, Javier, and Sean game together. Violence always ensues

-dutch does not tip waiters

-john tried to play catch w Jack once and ended up getting hit in the groin by a baseball. He didn't know 4 yr olds could throw that hard

-Abigail and Karen (& sometimes Charles) drink cheap wine together every Sunday and discuss the dumb things their boyfriends did that week

-Lenny and Hosea do the wordle everyday

-Jack is in little league soccer. John sits back drinking a beer as Abigail shouts at the referee

-Abigail got a tramp stamp of a little bow when she was 17 (she regrets it)

-Hosea exclusively sends emails

-Abigail hides John's weed socks bc she doesn't want Jack to see and "fall into a life of drugs" when he's older

-Arthur is a hiking dad through and through. While John is a sit on the couch drinking a beer w his kid in his lap kinda dad

-uncle is the old drunk that lived in the same trailer park as Abigail and John did when Jack was a baby. He kinda just stuck around after

-Miss Molly O'Shea would be a makeup god and u cannot convince me otherwise

I might do a pt 2 late in the future!

[vm-haunts]

Me: haha I'll just make up a timeline for this crazy crossover idea.

Me, a week later: what the fuck what the fuck how did I end up with so much plot how is it still expanding oh my god stooooop.

Aaaanyways. I don't know if I'll ever got it properly written, but this monster of a plot bunny now covers several major events and I'm losing my mind...

But anyways, cliff notes version on the plot and how far it stretches:

..

College trio was involved in the dionesium (aka Lazarus water) research, and somehow they're actually the more ethical bunch. Which is saying a lot considering.

DP events happened but they encountered and got help from several DC magic users during it. Budding occultist Sam for the win. (no agit yet and no phantom planet either)

The GIW got somewhat reformed, thanks to the help of Team Phantom's JLD friends. However at some point they got new management. Now instead of destroying ghost, the new comers are interested in the correlation of ecto-contamination, liminality... And secretly, in the increased success rate of induced metagene activation in liminals. Yikes, they somehow got worse.

Again, the Fenton parents are somehow the ethical ones here, despite everything. They refused to work with the new branch of GIW, stuff escalated (don't they always), and now they're dead. And in ghost jail. At least Vlad is there with them for the heartwarming reunion.

So Team Phantom ended up faking their death and goes on the run while raiding GIW bases, and along the way they found a weird guy (Jason). Weird guy's mom showed up and. Well guess they're involved with assassin cult's power struggle now, at least they get to help a guy out.

More shenanigans later they ended up with some monks in the Himalayas, and- wait Danny what do you mean you know them? Oh yeah Plasmius's little stint with the Infi-map... Gotta love time travel.

Anyway, after Danny got scammed for long overdue property damage fees and Jason got a pair of cool swords, they met Talia again and she brings news! Totally no ulterior motives or anything :) (Sam called her out to her face and she just smiled)

Jason, considerably more chill in this au, is still unhappy about... Well. Everything in Gotham.

Cue the Red Hood stint but with much more control and less blood shed. Which ironically made RH more intimidating because he moves like a ghost(duh). Especially when Jason's main act of revenge is 'pranks', which reads as mild psychology warfare actually. But hey the bats did that to themselves, he did nothing wrong (besides being a drug lord).

Red Hood peaceful mode does however attracted some unwanted bird themed attention, the Owl's not the Robin's. And well, undead Talons sneaking around undead experts, what could go wrong?

Everything apparently. Because on top of the Rh stint, Jason is somehow also infiltrating the Court of Owls now. As his real identity Jason Todd-Wayne no less. But the real suprise is Danny running into his parent's old researches, and. Well, the poor talons need help, might as well join in with the infiltration.

Some more shenanigans later it ends in Jason and co. quietly turning the talons against their old masters, and oh boy did they overachieved the goal of getting a foot into Gotham's crime world. Must be Danny's Fenton luck.

Ol' Batsy is very very not happy about that development by the way. But he can die mad about it as far as Jason is concerned.

...

The end. Of part one.

Stay tuned for part two, where we cross AGIT with crisis.

And massive thanks to @taddy-cat, a large part of this is inspired by the lovely discussion with you!

[batboyblog]

I feel like some people can't be/refuse to be educated, or they're deliberately being obtuse because they're trolls, psyops, or they just fell for the trolls and psyops. But its still good to point out where they're wrong and to give actual, you know, facts, for the benefit of other people reading who might actually be reachable.

yeah, I mean I usually ignore them because usually its bad faith and when a post is getting hundreds even thousands of notes in a day you just can't keep up with the 10-20-ish people who say something, particularly if its in the tags because thats just hard or fighting in the replies which always feels weird

But I was in a bad mood and in general seeing the same either bad faith or straight up don't know comment over and over and over again is very annoying

the "lol Joe Biden didn't do anything about Student loans!" one is pretty annoying since Biden has forgiven well over 100 BILLION dollars worth of student loan debt, so like he has done a lot on student loan debt. I'm not a big deal but I remember I did one of my "what Biden did this week" posts and it had the student loan debt forgiveness for people who got defrauded by the Art Institutes, and a few people added their stories of being defrauded and being in debt to AI for years and the one that'll stay with me was an older guy who went to try to get a new degree to get a job in a different field kinda late in the game, his 50s or 60s and of course didn't get the jobs he hoped for because scam college and saying how he thought he'd die in debt and it was all gone, all forgiven. So just like people flippantly dismissing a very real life changing thing is very annoying

there are a few other very common annoying ones "why didn't he do this when he controlled congress before!" well he was busy passing the biggest climate change bill any government on earth has ever done, investing in our Infrastructure for the first time since before Reagan was President (Reagan 😒) listen Biden passed 4 of the biggest most transformationally progressive bills the US has seen since LBJ

American Rescue Plan

Bipartisan Infrastructure Law

CHIPS and Science Act

Inflation Reduction Act

on top of which he passed the first gun control law out of congress in 30 years, and other things, like the Respect for Marriage Act to protect gay marriage, or making Juneteenth a federal holiday (the first new federal holiday since MLK day in 1983)

SO! thats why he didn't do the things he wants to do in his next term he was busy doing equally (and in the case of climate change more important) things and thats why we should all be hopeful if Joe Biden is President with a Democratic Congress he'll get most if not ALL the things on his agenda done, because he's fucking good at this, we haven't had a President this good at pushing bills through Congress and using every switch and lever of the federal government to make major progressive change since LBJ or FDR, I guess his big mistake was naming it something boring like "Inflation Reduction Act" and not something sexy like "New Deal" or "Great Society"

sorry to go off on a tare there, but its just frustrating to see 40 (out of tens of thousands really) posts saying the same dumb shit and having no real way to respond

[wishmaster]

I really don't know why I agreed to go to the big college party tonight. Coulda just stayed and studied... God I'm getting anxiety. This app's probably a scam but maybe it'll have some placebo affect. I wish I was the kinda guy that fit in at these parties. I wish I could forget being some socially anxious pathetic nerd and just loosen up. Ugh it's so embarrassing I'm even venting to an AI, wish I could forget ever doing this too while I'm at it...

New Life to Live

You suddenly found yourself at the party, every and anything that happened before you arrived there was wiped from your memory.

You were the most popular person there, a popular get as the hottest leather model on the internet was gracing his lowly college's biggest party of the year.

People anf fans flocked to you, anxious no more in fact you enjoyed getting up close and personal with your fans, especially you male fans as they often wanted o get a fell of your leather and your hard body beneath it. Usually at functions like this you'd end up having sex or blow jobs by a handful of guys, but tonight you'd be extra busy as the guys at this party was extremely horny and wanted to get into you tight leather.

Fuck you thought as the mob of guys led you to the back where you proceed to engage in a wild orgy. You loved the attention, was this how all parties you attended ended up? If so this would not be the last one you attend. Fuck what a great new life!

[sunstar-of-the-north]

The sheer AUDICITY of people pretending to have Autism or those who want it so they can be 'cute' and 'quirky'.

MOTHER FUCKER. THIS IS SOME THING I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE MOMENT I WAKE UP TO THE MOMENT I GO TO BED.

I DON'T LIKE GETTING EASILY OVERWHELMED.

I DON'T LIKE OVERWORRYING ABOUT HOW I TALK OR HOW I PRESENT MYSELF TO OTHERS.

I DON'T LIKE THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO ADHERE TO A SCHEDULE AND IF ONE THING THROWS IT OFF I GET PISSY FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.

YOU WANT MY AUTISM???? YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE IT!

Also DAMN IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT I COULD GET FREE STUFF AND MONEY FOR BEING AUTISTIC AND POSTING ONTO TIKTOK ABOUT IT, I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO COLLEGE!

HONESTLY FUCK TIKTOK! FUCK PEOPLE WHO PRETEND TO HAVE DISORDERS AND DISABILITIES FOR CLOUT AND SCAMS!

FUCK THOSE FUCKING CUNTS!!!!

[comrade-ellis]

fantasy high junior year predictions/hopes

trackerbees breakup and kristen moves in with gilear

kristen discovers a disowned gay uncle and deals with the emotional fallout of having been kicked out of her family at 14 (can we please talk about THAT instead of more religion???)

her parents fucking die and through the power of friendship her gay uncle gets custody of her and her brothers

seriously can we please explore kristen's material familial relationships i think shes cool with god for now

gilear gets neutered

*gilear voice* i thought i was going to the doctor but it was the veterinarian fig. they took my balls.

ragh and aelwyn are friends and carpool to community college

aelwyn gets so much therapy and she gets super into zen and has a sand garden and picks up a multiclass in artificing

aelwyn and fabian retcon. they never banged and they actually do group therapy together. for some reason gilear is the receptionist at the therapists office he gets fired for breaking hippa

fabian is also in therapy. they all are

aelwyn gets super into welding. shes blue collar now baby

adaine starts sewing her own pants. i won't elaborate

fathrethriel comes back. don't know why this is in the adaine section. it is though.

adaine and ayda are friends more

adaine and ayda volunteer at the animal shelter together doing therapeutic readings to dogs

zane darkshadow is present :)

tracker transes their gender and kills a man any man is good maybe that like bird guy in the av club skrank

skrank

fig, fabian, gilear, and hallariel go to family counseling

sandra lynn goes on a scam therapy retreat but she gets really into the scam therapy. she doesn't get real therapy even though she should

jawbone + thistlesprings polycule. i dont want it and you dont want it but it could happen

gilear gets neutered

gilear successful yogurt enterprise foiled by sandra lynn's scam therapy

fig and ayda queerplatonic relationship

fig quits music. she starts doing slam poetry. it is unsuccessful and she experiences professional and creative disappointment

fabian engineered the gilear neutering

hallariel gets pregnant after gilear gets neutered and fabian obsesses over proving gilear is not the father. chungledown bim is the father. fabian obsesses over proving gilear is the father. fabian struggles with brotherhood. parallels to kristen's relationship with her brothers

cathilda gets a 2 bedroom and fabian moves in with her. new mom now. at strongtower luxury

fabian joins a competitive dance team à la dance moms

the night yorb is taken care of first combat

fabian is in a ballet class but because he started so much later than the other kids it's just a bunch of 6 year olds. there's a recital. this is related to the hallariel pregnancy story line

zelda and gorgug break up zelda is probably gay and gorgug is super supportive about it they're still friends they just weren't meant to be

gorgug and biological parents can we revisit this he met them last episode freshman year and didn't mention it sophomore year

gorgug decides to become a jazz musician and leaves fig and the sig figs

gorgug interns at tech start up. also elon musk is heavily implied to be the Big Bad. no one knows what gorgug does there

gorgug starts working at the ice cream place

gorgug fucking dies

gorgug and ragh accidentally get legally married and spend the season undoing that as a B plot

riz gukgak my beloved

riz and penny are penpals

riz and ayda are friends

riz considers getting his GED and leaving the group but is paralyzed by the notion of choice

riz laser tattoo removal arc

sklonda gets fired cuz her kid is a criminal and its a bad look for the PD

riz, sklonda, and gilear blow up elmville PD headquarters and seize control of dispatch to send every single cop to one address that's just a field so there's no cops in the city and the Bad Kids can break into gorgug's tech internship

arthur augefort dies of a congenital heart defect in the first seven minutes. garthy obrien new headmaster/principal

they build a new apartment building across the street from strongtower luxury called strongtower plaza. it's not relevant but it happens

torek railgrinder owns a sexy rat who is at the vet when gilear gets neutered

[cyberdragoninfinity]

whole buncha miscellaneous arc-v Not-Lawrence/college AU notes i cant remember if i've jotted down here or not:

yuya zuzu and sylvio go to a performing arts high school. ("like in Victorious") their mascot is the hippos OF COURSE!! yuya is getting really nervous about rapidly approaching decisions he needs to make about college <3

You Show is a small local children's theater Yusho and Skip Boyle founded together (before Yusho fucked off to go do big Vegas stage shows. thats it's own kettle of fish)--yuya and zuzu work there over the summer/volunteer when theyre not busy with school work.

gong works for his dad's appliance repair business ❤

yugo's mom married yuri's dad like four years ago and now they are step-brothers and yugo and his mom get to live in yuri's house and he's being such a fucking brat about it STILL.

yugo and yuri are both college freshmen--i dont think yugo knows what he wants to do with his life other than 'drive motorcycle' but he's got time (he neeeeeeds to stop skipping class though.) rin aint got time for college, she works at the same car repair shop syrus and anna and yusei and crow work at that i REALLY NEED TO NAME SINCE IT'S BECOMING AN IMPORTANT LOCATION.

lulu is in grad school for veterinary medicine :^) i think im gonna give her pet pigeons too. she oversees the NLBA (Not-Lawrence Birding Alliance) with shay 🐦

yuri is suffering from "former gifted kid no longer smartest student in room and struggling bad" among like seven other things. he wants to get into some botany-related bio field <3 his dad is also a college professor!

declan is a college freshman too and he's got so much shit on his plate right now and his dad may have fled the country but don't even worry about it. celina is declan's cousin and im not sure what she's up to you. i think she dated anna for a while.

yuto is a game design major who recently graduated and he's so fuckign stressed about student loans but it's fine. he's chill. he's fine. he fumbled a bad bitch recently (lulu) but he's gonna be so brave about it. he fucking love ttrpgs.

dennis is a freshman theater major who's already pounced on a coveted mentorship program slot. :) his mentor is atticus :) they are THE most annoying friends in the world <3

dennis and yuri met at a fucked up conservative summer camp that was maybe actually a front for a money laundering scam and/or cult but thats a story for another time 🤸‍♂️

[beanghostprincess]

Sabosan Modern AU in which Luffy hosts a party in his house because Ace and Sabo are both out for the night and he thinks it's a great opportunity to turn it into fun (because he hates having the place to himself. It's boring and lonely). It's just the usual six people (East Blue crew + Vivi) but they always have so much fun anyway. So the thing is- They're drunk. Wasted. And they don't even get in trouble anyway, they're just playing silly games in the safety of their home and there's nothing wrong with that, surprisingly. It's impressive how they manage to get in more trouble when they're sober. However, Sanji is going through a rough time. He's been quiet all night and everyone knows something's wrong with him because he has been in a mood for the past week, but he's Sanji, so, he won't talk. Something something, Zoro and Sanji fight like usual but this time Sanji is drunk and honest and everything hurts, so he ends up genuinely feeling like shit and going upstairs to ignore everyone because he can't handle all of that right now. Nobody follows him because again, they're all drunk and they don't even know what to do with that and it'd be surprising if they even noticed the fight because, again, drunk and playing games. And since Sanji has always been and always will be in a romantic teenage coming-of-age movie ever since WCI happened, Sabo just casually, randomly, comes back home because of inexplicable reasons (the reason being he fought with Koala in their college dorm for setting on fire one of their books while saying the educational system is a scam and she kicked him out for the night). So the guy sees all this party they have and just goes "I'm too tired for this. Just don't break anything and God, please, don't go into Ace's room" / Usopp: Wait, why? / Sabo: You don't wanna know.

So Sabo goes upstairs to his room, hoping to get some sleep or work done (work being planning his next riot, not studying. Imagine Sabo studying, pffft) but instead, he finds a blond sitting on his bedroom floor on the verge of a panic attack, drunk, crying and begging Sabo not to kick him out because he doesn't want to go back home. Sabo has no idea why the hell he's saying that because he doesn't want to kick them out, especially Sanji, now that he's saying all of these incoherent things about being afraid to go back home. Sabo recognizes what's going on because he has gone through this himself and they also have to deal with Ace's panic attacks a lot. So he helps Sanji calm down and ends up reassuring him that no, he's not going back home tonight. He can stay all he wants. And Sanji keeps crying and whispering things and names Sabo only knows because of magazines and the news ("Vinsmoke Ichiji, next in line to preside the executive table at Germa Enterprises!" / "Commonly known as a heartbreaker, Vinsmoke Niji was recently seen on a date with one of Charlotte Linlin's daughters!" / "Accused of problematic commentaries, Vinsmoke Yonji addresses the discourse by saying, and I quote 'Who the fuck cares?'"). So, alright, Sabo is not fond of the Vinsmoke family and at first he wasn't fond of Sanji either for the same reason, but he's different from them and he has known ever since two years ago the guy came over with lots, and lots of food only because Luffy wasn't eating properly. But Sabo now knows the rich family isn't just full of shit socially but also inside, and seeing Sanji so anxious and weak about it makes his blood boil. Now is not the time to get angry, though, so he just stays by his side and waits for him to calm down, offering him a shoulder to cry on. The guy is drunk and having the breakdown of his life and the only thing Sabo can do right now is be there for him, even if he wishes he could just go over to their ridiculously huge house and burn it down. The things Sanji talks about aren't pretty. They make him want to throw up.

Sanji ends up falling asleep and Sabo takes him to his bed so he doesn't sleep, well, on the floor. Sabo goes downstairs instead. Besides, he has to clean up the mess the others made anyway.

So Sanji wakes up in a random bed, recognizing the room, and wanting to die from the hangover he's having right now. But he remembers everything, sadly, and he wants to die from embarrassment because he just vented to his friend's brother like it's nothing. They get along, but not that much to do shit like this. He wants to try and sneak out of their house before anybody notices, but of course, Sabo does. It seems the guy has a power for these things. But Sabo is extremely nice, actually, and it isn't that awkward in the end. They're alone because the others got up earlier to go home and Luffy went with them too to spend the rest of the day with Zoro (wow, who could've guessed). Sanji doesn't want to go home but he needs to get the fuck out of here because he feels like he's intruding, especially since Sabo has made breakfast (normal, regular breakfast. Nothing too special but it's way more than what he expected from these siblings). He has to finish eating and then he'll go home! But then Sabo offers him a shower and- Okay. He'll go home after having breakfast and showering! But then Sabo tells him to, please, stay, and be my guest, it's a bit boring here on my own and I want an excuse not to study. And how can Sanji say no to the guy who has helped him so much? So he stays. And one thing leads to another and it's already nighttime because they actually have a lot of things in common and they have fun together- But Sanji needs to go home. Now. Because if the news finds out about him being away for this long it's gonna be a problem and his brothers will be twice as annoying.

Sabo finally lets him go but- But there's something in his eyes when he does. He's worried sick. He's so concerned for him that it's aching inside of Sanji's heart too. Sanji wants to stay the same way Sabo wants him to not go. Almost begs him to. But he can't. But Sanji knows, then, that if he ever needs somebody to talk to, Sabo isn't that far from home anyway.