the-daily-male · 11 months ago
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Today's daily male is Odysseus of Ithaca from The Odyssey!
for anonymous!
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southparktexts · 7 months ago
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Enemies to lovers with the main four?
i love this concept so much anon !! thank you !!!
Enemies to lovers w/ main four
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Kyle :
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- i know damn well you guys became enemies because of grades.
- academic award fights.
- this literally all happened because you two wrote on the same topic but you had one mark more than kyle.
- gave you the biggest side eye
“I can’t believe that THEY out of all people got 100! i got 99 why couldn’t i just get a 100, it was the same topic!”
“…dude. y/n is kinda smart its not that surprising.”
- he complains about you whenever you ‘beat’ him with grades
- you dont even know he got beef with you tbh 😭
- you guys didnt even talk at all, you were just in the same class as him unironically.
- one day, you got paired up with him for a history presentation
- he literally rolled his eyes when he heard that and had a mood when you talked to him.
“so.. ill to information and research and you can summarise my points?”
“yeah. whatever. i don’t care.”
- eventually, after days of the two of you guys doing the project he realised you weren’t that bad of a person.
- i can see, after you guys did your presentation he would ask to be your partner more and you happily accepted
- one day, after having kyle over to do another assignment the two of you went to mcdonald’s together.
- that was probably the first time he talked to you, outside of school work.
- he definitely caught feels for you
- unironically invited you to game night with the main 4
“..dude i thought you hated her.”
“….shes not that bad.”
“I TOLD YOU THAT??”
- definitely got jealous when kenny tried flirting with you.
- after that he unironically got more touchy with you.
- holding hands when you guys hung out after studying maths together.
- one day he asked his dad for advice and he said just to ask you out.
- he did… on text.
- my guy wrote a whole essay on you.
Eric :
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- you guys definitely became prank wars enemies. full stop.
- prank wars.
- this definitely started because eric thought it would be funny to put a whopee cushion on your seat
- you saw it before you sat down and he got so fucking pissed.
“WHO DOES THIS BITCH THINK THEY ARE? NOT EVEN SITTING DOWN ON IT. WHAT THE FUCK.”
“fatass it isn’t that personal.”
- from there you and him back to back prank each other.
- ..they got worse as they progressed.
- he put a lot of laxatives and arbys sauce into your lunch once
- in return you put a lot of melatonin into his milk and made him sleep during an exam.
- yall are both fucked up like that 😭
- definitely spends a lot of time thinking how he can prank you and you do the same.
- you’re the only thing on his mind at this point.
“i fucking hate how that BITCH is always one step ahead of me.”
“you gotta admit.. theyre kinda hot..”
“NO KENNY. NO.”
“cartman you talk about them a little too much, its like you like them or something.”
“WHAT?! NO. CMON GUYS.”
“..sure fatass.”
- after stan said that he started questioning his feelings towards you.
- he kinda realised you both are kinda similar in your own fucked up way.
- after that day he made a glitter bomb card with a note inside telling you to meet him at his house.
- you arrived and you guys actually worked out well..
- gradually eric started introducing kenny into the group.
- the three of you started planning pranks on the teacher.
- eventually eric started falling. hard.
- you were always so funny and unique with pranks and he loved that.
- eventually asked you out with a cupcake.
“will you go out with me?”
“hm? yeah sure. ..this cupcake doesn’t have arbys sauce and laxatives in it, does it..?”
Kenny :
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- to be honest time !! i personally think you guys wouldn’t be enemies.
- more just mutual annoyance.
- i feel like hes not the type to personally hate someone.
- the only reason he would find you annoying is because you would take the girls when he was trying to flirt with them.
“hey doll.”
“you’re talking to me?”
“oh tammy !! exactly who i was looking for!”
- he gets so annoyed because each time he was trying to talk to them you’d interrupt and drag them away to talk to them.
- one day he was fed up with it but didn’t do anything about it.
“how come y/n knows literally every girl i try to flirt with?!”
“because dude, y/n is cool and popular. their going to know everyone dude.”
“yeah bro.”
“plus they hang around the girls as well”
- after that, you kinda stopped hanging around the girls since they were doing a whole protest about something that you didnt want to be involved with.
- kenny eventually just say you walking around the school, just being yourself.
- he oddly, like it. he liked seeing you act like yourself. not pretend like you did with the girls.
- eventually he invited you to game night with the boys.
- you guys played dnd and had fun!
- after that, kenny would invite you to game night more and you eventually unironically replaced butters.
- you and kenny slowly became close friends and he became more possessive over you.
- one day he had enough of these thoughts about you and just asked you out out of the blue.
“hey y/n! doll!”
“hm? oh hey ken.”
“wanna date?”
“uh sure?”
Stan :
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- if im going to be honest.. he doesn’t get enemies, except for craig.
- he definitely gets angry but doesn’t hate you.
- he probably got jealous because of you though, that what ticked him off.
- this is probably right after stan and wendy broke up
- you were wendy’s friend but also being stans.
- he once saw you comforting wendy and he got jealous.
“that backstabbing bitch! y/n is with wendy right now.”
“..dude i thought you said you were over wendy.”
“i- i am but still!”
- complained about you to the boys, slowly he would have something against you.
- since you were also friends with him he would give you a moody response when he replied back.
“how are you holding up, stan?”
“fine. just fine. its not like you care.”
- became more cold and colder.
“god look at y/n over there. at the swings with wendy.”
“dude, why are you looking at y/n so much. do you like them or something.”
“what?? no?”
- he kept looking over at you and he slowly started noticed little details of you.
- how you bite your nails when your shy, how pretty you look when your studyin.. wait.. what..
- slowly started noticing more details about you and since you were friends with him he would hang out with you more.
- became more touchy while you hang out.
- he realised now you were just being nice to both sides. trying to be there for both.
- wrapping his arms around your waist while you two walked together.
- blushing as you talk to him.
- eventually he bottles up all his feels about you and breaks down but in a good way?
- going to your house at 3am, crying as you hold him in your arms on your bed.
“and- and my dad keeps putting all this pressure and me and i love you and its so fucking difficult.”
“i know stan, i know… its alright.. wait. you love me..?”
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ssreeder · 2 years ago
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SREEDIE I CANT BELIEVE I FUCKING DID I AGAIN
though tbf you did update at the speed of light this time around so I hardly had a chance
ANYWAYS once again you get to be blessed with double comments from yours truly <3
changgggg my beloved (also iroh parallels???? that’s so slay of you sreedie)
lmao not him being Relieved that he looks like a creep bc it’s a good cover
listen chang absolutely anybody who is on good terms with zuko starts attracting shit at some point don’t feel too bad about it
YES TOPH WE LOVE TOPH
not jet finding comfort in the fact that even though he might be annoyed, sokka is guaranteed to be More annoyed by the tent situation-
ohoho is jet gonna help train sokka to sword fight??? plot twist
ykw jet is so valid for refusing to be sokka’s punching bag I hate that he’s really growing on me BUT if I am being honest with myself I never Really disliked jet
it’s going to be So Ironic if jet is the person who gets sokka to open up about his experiences in prison but I think it’s funny (and I honestly think it’ll work out well bc sokka doesn’t want to be pitied or have people change their opinion of him for the worse after they find out how much he suffered and jet wouldn’t do that)
FUCK fulo I hate that the earth kingdom army is sympathetic towards him even though I understand why
quon??? is apologising???? yeah this man is way better than zhao but he’s still the scum of the earth
ZUKO protect your fucking hands PLEASE (also fun fact I’m pretty sure I fractured my pinky at one point bc it’s kinda bent but I never got it actually checked out and That hurt like a bitch so zuko really has an insane pain tolerance to not even flinch when his pinky was snapped holy moly)
zuko? familiar with the bending suppressant??? no, really?? what gave you that idea mr medic sir.
“I got… caught.”
“Caught doing what?”
“Being a… fucking… idiot.”
- I think this is the contender for my favourite zuko dialogue even though it’s in incredibly unfortunate circumstances
PLEASE LET THE MEDIC FUCKING DO SOMETHING TO HELP OUR FIREBENDERS SREEDIE JESUS CRISPY
mm I’m a certified rasu simp someone should design a tshirt so we can start a club
ugh sokka just TELL suki already you just need to mention zuko’s name once and she’ll lead the conversation from there with her questions
god the section with the medic cleaning zuko is brutal dude
AND THATS A WRAP
can I just say.. when you made the meme for me I was like :3 and then I actually read what you wrote and I was like >:(
LOVE YOU TO BITS AND PIECES HOPE YOU ENJOY MY NEXT ESSAY
leeeeeeeeeeeeeekiiiiiiiiiiii bestie babe how you doin?!
Yes Zuko is the center of shit happening to people around him. Maybe he’s cursed? Maybe he’s maybelline? WHO KNOWS!
Jet is just there for the ride it’s not his fault Sokka is flip flopping between wanted to murder him and wanting to share his murder thoughts with him.
I can confirm Zuko has been caught being a fucking idiot multiple times. Canon.
Yeah the medic scene was 4/10 - SAD :(:(:(:(
Anyway I made you a meme and you’re complains??? FOR SHAMEEEEE. See ya soon leeks reeksy
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mylivejournalsucks · 3 years ago
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Didion.
Eve and Joan in one week. Wow. No wonder Los Angeles is raining.
Joan Didion is a drug everyone must try once. Some people get hooked. I was fortunate to be one of those people.
I discovered her writing in a class taught by Mark Greif. I forgot what the class was or what we’re studying. I just remember reading a lot of texts by boring old straight white intellectuals and feeling like the biggest bimbo on planet Earth. At 21 and 22, I still believed there was a certain way to be A Writer and Think About Things. Everything I was introduced to in college made me feel out-of-step, like I didn’t get it and never would. Then Slouching Towards Bethlehem entered the chat. The assignment was to read the essay and discuss how Didion felt about her subjects. Did she like them? Did she care about them? How did her writing style inform her feelings?
I read the essay at the Starbucks on Astor Place (lmao) and was immediately like, “Who is this moody rich bitch who hates everyone and everything?” Her prose was electric. It felt like a song I was finally able to hear. I went to class the next day ready to discuss. It was clear Didion did not think much of these hippies who were frying their brains like eggs on the side of a highway on a 110 degree day. Reading Didion, it felt like she had contempt for most people and most things, besides Los Angeles, New York, and Sacramento.
I immediately devoured everything she wrote. Like any young person with feelings in New York, I read “Goodbye To All That” in my studio apartment in the East Village and thought “OMG...it me.”
After Slouching, I flew to LA for Christmas break and read The White Album, Play It As It Lays, and Year of Magical Thinking back-to-back in an underwhelming coffee shop on Beverly called Buzz that has now been replaced with another underwhelming coffee shop called Andante. (See how I’m listing names and locations? It’s impossible to discuss Joan without falling prey to her tics and quickly realizing A.) that’s not your voice and B.) thank God because no one can measure up to Joan.)
Beyond Play It As It Lays, I didn’t dabble in her fiction because, uh, it’s not as good. In fact, I reread Play It As It Lays in the fall and found it to be nihilistic and overdramatic. (How many fucking freeways does this Weekend At Bernie’s lady Maria have to drive on? Also, when she has, like, a plumbing problem in her mansion in Beverly Hills so she just moves to an apartment in Hollywood instead of dealing with it? #goals)
Joan’s power is in the personal. She speaks with a cool authority. Reading her, it feels like she’s driving you in her Stingray Corvette, weaving in and out of traffic effortlessly, telling you How It Is and you’re just in her trance, nodding along.
I love how unapologetically bougie she was, how her and her husband John seemed low-key kind of like insufferable social climbers in Hollywood. By all accounts, you did not want to get stuck next to Joan at a party. She barely spoke, was fragile, had migraines, was terrified of the weather. She was too smart, too fragile. She was bad at doing Life Things. She wanted to either take her speed and sit at the typewriter or take to the bed.
It might sound like I’m roasting her but I’m really not. I sincerely love everything about this woman! Reading her was the first time I felt like there could be a place for me. Here Joan was, eating chopped salads at La Scala and writing about her feelings for Vogue, and it had real value. More than the pages and pages I read of straight white dudes writing about, like, their dog and quarries. 
I saw Joan once, in conversation with Griffin Dunne at Symphony Space doing promotion for Blue Nights. I use the words “in conversation” loosely. Griffin talked, Joan Didion grunted and looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. I loved it. I loved how cranky and over it she was.
I wrote about the event for my job and the post caught the attention of an editor at The New Yorker. She wanted to meet me for lunch at Conde Nast (working in media in 2011 could be really random) and so I did and we talked and it was lovely. She gave me “Speedboat” by Renata Adler. “If you love Joan,” she said. “You’ll love Renata Adler.”
I read it. I did love it. But It didn’t make me want to sit down and write, like Joan did. Reading Didion feels like being put under a spell. I read one paragraph and I need to write immediately. Otherwise, I sincerely think I might die. I’ve never had that with anyone else’s work and maybe I never will. 
We’re lucky she decided to share her brain with us. And I hope there’s no Santa Ana winds in heaven. Joan was triggered by the Santa Ana winds.
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obxdrewseph · 4 years ago
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Tik Tok - Rafe Cameron
Description: Rafe Cameron falls for a girl he often sees in a cafe and is too nervous to talk to her, so his best friend, Topper, decides to take matters into his own hands and makes a tik tok asking if anyone can identify Rafe’s crush. Of course, she sees it and confronts him. 
P.S. pretend covid doesnt exist in this LOL
---------
“Bro, just do it.”
“No.”
“Rafe, c’mon man. When did you become such a pussy?”
“Shut the hell up man, I’m not.” 
“Then ask her out!” 
“No!” 
It was your typical Wednesday afternoon-- the college cafe was bustling with students coming in and out from classes and from students mingling with their friends.
Rafe and Topper sat in the midst of all the chaos, ignoring their econ homework to stare at Rafe Cameron’s current obsession.
“How is this girl different from any other you’ve liked? Just man up and ask for her number or something.” 
Rafe Cameron. 
Notorious player on campus. And douchebag. He was the type to sleep with a girl and kick her out of his room at 3 in the morning. He never had strong feelings for a girl, which is why Topper was baffled at the fact he kept staring at the dark haired, brown eyed plain Jane in the corner of the coffee shop. 
“Look, she’s just a pretty girl. And she just looks... shy I guess.” Rafe lamely said. He didn’t know why he wasn’t just barging up to her like he normally did at parties. Of course, those girls were clawing to get to him. He didn’t have to work as hard. 
Topper sighed loudly. “Fine, fine. If you’re gonna force my hand.” 
Rafe raised a brow as Topper slowly pulled his phone from his pocket. 
He then began to film the girl and zooming in on her face. 
“Top, what are you--”
“Ssssh.” 
After 30, long, agonizing seconds for Rafe Cameron, his best friend finally stopped filming the poor girl.
“Does anyone know this girl? This loser wants to ask her out...” He spoke as he typed.
“No wait--”
“Done. Just posted on tik tok.”
Rafe’s jaw dropped.
“What?”
“Now, we wait.” 
-------
You had a long day of classes and all you wanted to do was fall in your bed. 
But no, as a history major, you had to read 250 pages (the entire book needed to be read by the end of the week, but you were spacing), write detailed notes on them, and then start on your essay that is due next week. 
You always liked to get ahead of schedule so that your work wouldn’t pile up. 
After sitting in the cafe for an hour, you had to go home to cook dinner. You hated eating at cafes since bread just wasn’t your thing. 
Once you hit your dorm room, you checked your phone that seemed to have hundreds of notifications.
"The fuck?” You whispered out loud. As an RA, you could say whatever you wanted to in your room, but you still felt weird swearing in front of others. Which is why you whispered the words to yourself.
You dropped your bag at the door and quickly opened your phone. 
GIRL, CHECK TIK TOK 
Congrats, you’re famous! don’t forget me lol
rafe cameron ?? honeyyy get itttttt 
Confusion. That’s all you felt. You quickly clicked on the link on of your friends sent you. 
You watched the video set in as Topper, the owner of the account, zoomed in on your face at the cafe you were just in. You didn’t think you looked pretty as your hair was a mess and you hadn’t showered in a couple of days. 
Not to mention you were wearing jeans and a baggy t-shirt-- the normal college attire. 
As you read the caption, you felt your heart race at an abnormal rate. 
The words became blurry fairly quickly as your stress started to build up. You set your phone down on the counter to avoid dropping it-- you were rational enough to do that. 
You kept getting texts from your closest friends saying two words: Call me. But at this point, you couldn’t even think straight. What was a hot, popular guy like Rafe Cameron doing pining over you? And apparently being too afraid to ask you out?
Honestly, you had never been hit on in your first two years of college and you didn’t think it was going to start with Rafe Cameron, the richest guy at the school. And every straight college girl’s wet dream. 
You heard your phone buzz on the counter and you checked caller ID. It was your best friend.
You took a deep breath and answered it.
“Hey, you didn’t tell me you were dating Rafe Cameron.” She joked. 
“Shut up! Tell me what to do!!” You screamed. 
“Ok, ok, I can tell you’re freaking out and nervous, but this is a good thing! A happy thing! A guy liked you so much that he put a video--”
“His best friend posted the video--”
“As I was saying, put a video out about YOU! This is your chance to finally have the romance you’ve always dreamed of, right? You’re always pining after those book boyfriends or whatever who AREN’T REAL.”
She emphasized the last part which made you cringe. Your obsession with fictional characters was justified-- if she read, she would know. 
“Dude, this is Rafe. Rafe fucking Cameron.” She gasped at your swearing, a joke both of you had because you’ve known each other since you were children.
“Exactly, it’s Rafe motherfucking Cameron, meaning, you HAVE to go after him.” 
“No, you’re wrong! He’s Rafe Cameron! If he was really into me, he would’ve asked me out already. Literally no one can say no to him nor does anyone want to.” You bit your lip, thinking of ways to get out of this. “You know what? I bet this is a prank or something.”
“A prank?”
“Yeah, like Topper trying to embarrass Rafe by making an ugly girl ask him out--”
“First of all, don’t talk about yourself like that. And second, no, tik tok is not the place to embarrass girls. They would get roasted so hard. And third, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.”
Contrary to your best friend, you never seriously wanted a relationship. You were the type to fantasize about falling in love and hyped up all of your friends when they had crushes, but you never truly found someone you wanted to get to know or wanted to date. 
It just seemed so outlandish to you. 
Plus, you wrote off college boys when one followed all of your roommates on instagram besides you. That kinda knocked your ego down. 
“Look, I’m just going to ignore this. I don’t think it’s going to be the love story you think so I’m gonna go.”
“Wait, y/n--”
You hung up before she could finish. 
You just couldn’t deal with her hopeless romanticism right now. 
You sighed and tied your hair into a messy bun. How could you finish your homework now? 
--------
“I don’t think she saw it.” 
Topper laughed at his nervous looking friend.
“Dude, she definitely saw it. It has thousands of likes the last time I checked and I’m pretty sure people were tagging her in the comments.”
Rafe fixed his hat so it covered his face. He definitely didn’t want his friend to notice it turning beet red. 
“I hate you dude.” 
“No you don’t.” 
Once again, the two rich boys were sitting in the same cafe they were in yesterday. They had been sitting in there for two hours now, and there was no sign of the mysterious girl who did or did not know she was tik tok famous.
“I don’t think she’s coming.” Rafe commented. On one hand, he was relieved he wouldn’t have to talk to her. But on the bigger hand, he desperately wanted to see her again. He didn’t know why he was so captivated by her brightly dyed hair or the 10 pins stuck on her backpack. She seemed so normal, yet she stuck out with all the book stickers she had on her laptop. Rafe would never tell a living soul that he liked reading YA romance novels but he felt like he could confide in this mysterious girl. 
“I don’t know. It’s still early.” Topper noted. 
“Um, excuse me?” 
The two boys’ heads shot up at the dainty voice.
You were wearing black ripped jeans with a white top; it was the most simple outfit Rafe had seen you in as you usually dressed in bright colors. He would never admit it, but he even noticed when you changed your nail polish.
What Rafe didn’t know was that your best friends held an intervention last night and told you to dress “more to his style” which included simple attire. Yet, you couldn’t fully immerse in the role and wore your favorite bucket hat that was covered in white daisies. 
“Hey,” Rafe said lamely. 
Topper immediately gathered his stuff and left you two alone. What a homie.
At Rafe’s bland answer, you smiled politely. 
“Can I sit?” You asked. Rafe nodded and gestured towards the seat. He didn’t know why he was acting so weird, but you were just so much prettier up close. 
He could see the bright red earrings you wore that matched your Nikes and noticed your clumsily applied makeup (which he knew because his sister was so good at it). It only made his heart race even faster.
“Um, so I saw the video... I’m sure you know which one I’m talking about.” 
The boy blushed.
“Yeah?” He tried to act suave and calm, but his nerves were all over the place. He felt a bit calmer seeing the girl start to play with her hair: a nervous trait his sister said most girls had. 
“Um, well, I... I was wondering...” The girl trailed off, her face turning a darker red. He almost felt bad for her, but she was so darn cute and wanted her to continue.
“Look, I’m really bad at this... and I know you’re good at it, so...” 
The boy’s ego inflated slightly. 
“So?” 
This wasn’t going the way you wanted it to go. You felt frustrated that you couldn’t even get the words out that you practiced. Your eyes prickled with tears from embarrassment; you wanted to get out of the situation as soon as possible. You didn’t know what you were thinking approaching the hottest guy in campus and expect not to be tongue tied. 
And his lack of words made you think he was just messing with you. 
You felt a gentle hand on top of yours which burst your drama bubble. You looked up and saw Rafe’s bright blue eyes full of concern, and... something else.
Dammit, he probably thinks I’m a weirdo. 
“Hey, it’s ok. Honestly, it was my friend, the one who left earlier, it was his idea to put the video up and he did it without my permission. If it were up to me, it would’ve taken a lot longer to pluck up the courage to approach you...” He confessed. 
This shocked you. Rafe Cameron... tongue tied around you?? 
“Look, let’s start over. I’m Rafe Cameron, junior, business major, and fun fact: I’m on the hockey team.” You knew all of those details, but you let him give a formal introduction. You thought it was cute that he felt the need to explain all of this to you because there wasn’t anyone at your campus who didn’t know who he was.
You held out your hand.
“Y/N, a sophomore and a history major. Fun fact: I’m an RA.” His eyes brightened at your response and shook your hand with a smile. 
He had to practice his stern handshake with businessmen his father forced him to meet, but your hands were gentle and soft, like they were afraid of hurting him. It’s been a while since someone has treated him so delicately. He liked it. 
“Well, y/n, it’s a good thing I don’t live in the dorms because I definitely would’ve tried to act up to get your attention.” He teased. 
You laughed at the response because you knew a couple of the young freshmen who made a ruckus in the lounges so that you had to come in and yell at them. 
You shrugged. “I don’t know, we could’ve met sooner if you were.” 
The flirty words flowed from you naturally and you wanted to take them back as soon as they left your mouth.
But they made Rafe Cameron blush, so you let it go.
Suddenly, his watch buzzed and he swore under his breath.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, I have a business meeting to get to. Can I get your number for uhhh... for future purposes?” 
His slight fumble of words made you grin.
“Of course.” 
I guess tik tok is good for something. 
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makeste · 5 years ago
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receive, and entrust (or, my rambling thoughts about That One Thing that happens at the end of Heroes Rising)
I wrote up all of my other thoughts on and reactions related to the movie here, but since this particular section was so long and involved, I decided to make it a separate post. so let’s talk about Bakugou and Deku and the big thing that happens between them in Heroes Rising.
please note this post has spoilers spoilers spoilers and more spoilers, for both the movie and for the manga (apologies to anyone who’s anime-only but there are aspects of OFA which are very difficult to discuss without getting into significant spoiler territory, so in the end I wasn’t able to make this post spoiler-free).
this is it. this is the dynamic I’ve been patiently waiting for since the very start of the series. they really fucking did it. one thing that I was bemused by is that I was making the rounds on twitter and tumblr and reddit checking out people’s reactions afterward, and I saw a lot of “there was real respect between them” and “I like Bakugou a lot more in this dynamic” and “now I understand why some people ship it” and so on and so forth. and just... how do I put this. first of all, yes, exactly, this. but second, I think that what some people missed is that this is the dynamic that people who ship BakuDeku (either platonically or romantically) have really been shipping this entire time. that even when this dynamic wasn’t present, it was the potential for it, the hints of what could be, that made people invested in this relationship. anyway, so to see that finally out in the open though for everyone to see was just so, so gratifying. it was like, yes! this is it! this is what the two of them were always working towards, what they were always meant to be. and it’s all the more rewarding for how hard they struggled to get there. anyway. suffice to say it has been a good weekend.
let’s talk about the big thing. the OFA transfer. the trust and respect and intimacy involved in this moment. Deku knows he has no choice, but he’s also relieved in a way that if it can’t be him, if it has to be someone else, that that someone is Kacchan. he tells Kacchan that he doesn’t regret it, and he says that All Might would approve of it as well, because Kacchan already knows about OFA. but what goes unspoken is the much deeper meaning of this. like yes, it’s convenient that the person Deku ends up passing the quirk onto is the one other person who’s already in on the secret. but it’s not a coincidence that Kacchan does know the secret. Kacchan knows because Deku told him. because they have always been together, because their fates have always been tied together, because Deku could never have not told him.
and sharing OFA is so much more than just sharing a power. it’s sharing a responsibility; a lineage. both a great burden and a rare privilege. this is not something to be passed on lightly, and it isn’t. Deku isn’t making the decision lightly here. because -- and this is the important part! and the part that is the culmination of all of their character development up to this point! the part that took 200+ chapters to build up to! -- this isn’t actually a decision that’s made in this moment at all, but a decision that was made by him ages and ages ago, when he first told Kacchan I got my quirk from someone else. when he opened up to him even though they weren’t friends. when the truth flowed from him even though he was trying to hold it back. because it was Kacchan. and because that bond runs so deep that this secret, this burden, could not be held back. and because Kacchan, even though it took him a while, eventually put the pieces of it together afterwards, because it was Deku. and because he knows Deku. and because, when All Might explained the rest of it later on, Kacchan told the two of them both, without being prompted, without being asked, I won’t tell anyone. because he immediately understood the gravity of it, the importance of it. because Deku was right to choose him.
so the fact is that the decision to pass it on to Katsuki isn’t one that’s just made here in the heat of the moment, with no other options on the table. the decision to choose Kacchan as the one he trusts, as the one to share the burden with, as the one he knows that he can rely on in this moment, is something that stems back to their childhood. does that make sense? basically I’m trying to explain that the circumstances which led to this moment are circumstances which arose because of Deku’s own will, as well as Kacchan’s. that the two of them have made countless decisions which eventually led up to this moment. and so this is not a coincidence. and so that’s why it’s a choice that can be made effortlessly by Deku here, as soon as he thinks of it, with no hesitation or reluctance felt other than the sorrow of losing his dream. the fact that it is Kacchan is a relief. the fact that it’s Kacchan is why Deku knows it will work as soon as he realizes it. so yeah. make no mistake, you guys. Kacchan is his successor, and not once does Deku have even the slightest flash of regret about that. and meanwhile I have about a hundred thousand overflowing thoughts and feelings about it, but I suppose that’s to be expected lol.
so now let’s talk about Katsuki’s side of it. the moment when he realizes what Deku is doing is so intense, you guys. like a dozen different emotions flit across his face in the span of a few seconds. but you can see that chief among them are shock, and then frustration, and then this brief look of intense regret, and then finally, a sort of begrudging determination. and then he takes it.
so a couple things here. first it’s worth noting that at first Katsuki actually has no idea what Deku’s plan is other than that he’s giving him OFA lol. he doesn’t even ask him why until after the transfer, at which point Deku explains that he should still be able to use the embers to fight alongside him, so that they can team up and hit Nine with the ol’ OFA two-for-one special. but before this, for all Katsuki knows, Deku could be giving it to him for any number of reasons. he could be too hurt to fight anymore. or he might even think he’s at risk of dying, and thus is passing it to Katsuki so that it can live on. now there’s a scary thought, though one that I honestly doubt Katsuki would have considered for all that long, if he even did at all (because Katsuki has always seen Deku as someone strong, and we all know that in Katsuki’s mind, strong people = people that don’t lose; but that’s another essay topic for another day). but it certainly was a possibility, that can’t be denied.
but regardless of whatever was running through his mind at that moment, Katsuki takes it. but now here’s the other thing I really want to talk about: he hates it.
he hates it. the entire time, he hates it. he doesn’t want this. he doesn’t want One for All. One for All is Deku’s. and it’s not just that he feels that he himself is unworthy of it (although I think he might, just a little); but more than that, it’s that OFA is not just Deku’s quirk, it’s Deku’s dream. and he happens to know, better than anyone else in the world, just how much OFA means to Deku. what being a hero means to Deku. because this dream, after all, is the one thing that they’ve always had in common. the one thing that they’ve always shared.
and so even though he doesn’t hesitate either once he realizes what has to happen, because he knows they have no other choice, he still grieves all the same, for just a moment. because it’s the end of something that was maybe more important to him than he ever realized until exactly this moment. this partnership he has with Deku, this trust -- because they do trust each other and work with each other so seamlessly time after time again in this movie, and it’s amazing -- he is losing all of that if they go through with this. and also!! maybe, in addition to what he’s losing, maybe just maybe he is also grieving for Deku’s own loss, because he cares. about. Deku.
but he takes it. and he proceeds to kick some ass. and you guys. Bakugou with OFA is a fucking force to be reckoned with. he is a beast. but I’m not gonna go too much into that because there’s not really much to analyze or add to the discussion at this point, other than yes, Bakugou is a legit fucking conqueror and he was put on this earth to kick ass and take names and he knows it and it’s so fucking great holy fucking shit.
but so afterward. after they’ve OBVIOUSLY defeated Nine (BITCH YOU THOUGHT!! GO TELL HELL THE WONDER DUO SENT YOU, AND GOOD RIDDANCE), and they’re both lying there, unconscious. and All Might shows up (which lol how did he even get there; that’s another plot hole that I couldn’t really figure out. Hawks is one thing because the dude can fucking fly, but All Might is just sort of there on the island all of a sudden before almost anyone else, and I guess that’s just the Symbol of Fucking Peace for ya), and he makes a little pillow for Bakugou with his coat, which is something I didn’t see mentioned anywhere and so I wanted to point it out, because he doesn’t just ignore Bakugou and go straight to Deku; he takes care of them both. he’s a good dad.
but anyway. so he’s there and Deku wakes up and starts crying and apologizing and explaining that he gave OFA to Kacchan so they could save everyone etc. etc. etc., and then he passes out and All Might cradles his head and it’s. ;__; why movie do this to me. fff.
BUT ANYWAY I KEEP DIVERGING FROM THE POINT I WANT TO GET TO LOL. which is that at this point, OFA suddenly starts flowing back into Deku. and All Might is the only one that sees this, and he has no fucking idea why this is happening, and then he just decides, or guesses, or whatever, that it must be the Vestiges willing the power to go back to Deku. and he even calls it a OFA miracle in the same vein that people say “Christmas miracle”, which lmao yeah. it’s a OFA miraclleeeee happy holidays.
and I guess this is certainly possible. the Vestiges clearly do have their own wills; that’s canon. and Deku most definitely has some kind of Chosen One thing going on, because he’s the one who finally manages to activate SIXQUIRKS after nine generations, and I don’t think that’s just a coincidence. they clearly like Deku. which, of course they do, because who wouldn’t. Deku is great. and if I were one of the Vestiges and it were up to me, I sure would want to give him a second chance as well!
but here’s the thing which surprises me: no one ever seems to take into consideration what to me is the obvious alternative explanation for this whole thing. which is that this isn’t, in fact, any sort of miraculous occurrence at all, but is in fact OFA just following its normal old rules same as always. because as far as I can tell -- and I could very well be wrong about this, but I’ve looked all over to find a canon source that contradicts it and so far haven’t -- there is nothing in canon that states that OFA can’t be transferred back to someone after it’s been given away. and I don’t see why that would be a thing, either. like, why wouldn’t you be able to give it back and forth? as long as the person who currently has it wills it to go back to the other one, then why not? it’s not like the thing expires or something. it’s just that up until this point, all of the previous successors were either too dead (rip), or too injured to take the quirk back on, which is why they fucking passed it on to begin with.
all of which is my long-winded way of leading up to my point: Bakugou did not want OFA. and Bakugou’s DNA had already been shared with Deku, when they did the blood transfer that Deku used to give OFA to him. that went both ways. so as far as I can tell, all of the prerequisites are there for OFA to simply be handed back to its previous owner once the fight was done. Occam’s razor, right? why look for a convoluted explanation when another one is already there which makes sense? why did OFA go back to Deku? because One for All’s new wielder, a.k.a. the one currently in possession of the ability to pass it on, decided to do just that. and gave it back, to the person he thought was most deserving of it. the person who still had unfinished business with it. when are you going to make that power your own?
why not. to me it makes sense. there are a couple of inconsistencies here if this truly is the case, granted. chief among them being the fact that Bakugou should then logically be included among the Vestiges (and possibly Deku himself for that matter). but (1) that’s still a plot hole either way tbh, and (2) I don’t think handwaving this away is any more of an asspull than the whole “OFA just goes back to Deku because it feels like it” original explanation is, lol. like, either way there are clearly some established rules being broken here. maybe Bakugou didn’t have OFA for long enough for his will to be fully integrated with the other vestiges; or maybe his ghost doesn’t appear because he’s still alive (similar to how All Might’s outline is still pretty faint compared to most of the other vestiges); or maybe this has something to do with that Bakusilhouette which still hasn’t been explained; or whatever. but there are ways to explain it, is my point. and hence, to me, this is the most satisfying explanation for what happens at the end of the film, and the most consistent with the character development we’ve seen. because even if this didn’t end up taking place, Bakugou was always going to give OFA back to Deku in the end anyway. that much, I think, is a given.
anyway. so those are all my thoughts on the whole OFA transfer. oh, except for the whole amnesia thing I guess. and honestly, I’ll just come out and admit that while I obviously would have been thrilled if Bakugou had remembered all of this afterward, I get why they did what they did. because it’s a lot, and while I’m pretty sure this movie is considered canon as far as the manga goes, at the same time it would be pretty unprecedented for Horikoshi to just suddenly start referencing a development as big as this in the manga out of nowhere, and just assuming that all of his readers had the opportunity to watch the movie. the manga has to be self-contained and be its own story which can be understood and enjoyed even if you only read the manga. so for that reason I think a reset button was pretty inevitable, and so I’m okay with it. and on a lighter note, it’s something that can easily be explained away by a concussion (since concussions often do cause precisely that kind of specific forgetting-events-right-before-and-after-the-injury amnesia which Bakugou experiences), and in my mind that would only be fitting. since, again, these kids got fucking bodyslammed into SO MANY FUCKING CLIFFS, YOU GUYS, I KEEP SAYING IT AND I’M GONNA KEEP SAYING IT. it needs to be acknowledged! so. many. cliffs.
so that’s it! tl;dr (1) Deku trusts Bakugou and the transfer of OFA is a momentous display of that trust, (2) Bakugou respects Deku in turn and clearly hated the thought of “stealing” his quirk from him even though that wasn’t what actually happened, and so (3) my headcanon or whatever you want to call it is that Bakugou is the one that transferred OFA back to Deku in the end after all was said and done. and maybe there’s some reason why I haven’t seen this possibility being discussed much elsewhere, like maybe I’m missing some obvious reason why this has clearly been disproven already; but regardless, I see this as being in line with their character development, and something Bakugou absolutely would have done regardless, and I have TEN TRILLION FEELINGS ABOUT IT AND THEY ARE ALL “[wistful crying emoji]” the end. 
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clansayeed · 4 years ago
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Hey Jack! I wanted to know what your thoughts are on Rheya. Was she really a villain to you? Were her motives justifiable? Was she a good villain? Did you think she deserved to have a redemption arc in chapter 16? What could have been written to make her have a better character story? Any thoughts at all about Rheya!
FOREWARNING: Anon... I accidentally wrote you a 2500 word essay. I shit you not this thing is 2,528 words long. So... I don’t know whether to say you’re welcome or I’m sorry. Just letting you know in advance.
ADD-ON POST-POSTING: I’m fully aware this is an app game. A three book series written with sexying vampires in mind. Where the medium is limited both size and content-wise, where you can’t go into much detail because they can only have so many panels in a chapter, etc. Still thinking what I think though. And if you get paid to create content professionally the least you can do for your own paycheck is go back and double-check your work.
Actually this ask came at a good time since I have to work on some character motivations for her for my series... and I always break down the in-canon versions before working on my own. So anon, let’s talk... are you a mind reader?
Kidding! mostly
So. Rheya.
I actually just finished my first replay of book 2 and at the moment I’ve only ever played book 3 the once. I played it as it was releasing so there were some memory gaps in some places and needed-refreshers in others. But on a whole I have similar thoughts about Rheya as I do Xenocrates, and you can find those thoughts here.
Overall she was a solid setup, good design and potential, and PB pretty much wasted her execution.
I wanna start with a genuine question to the fandom since I’ve never actually been able to ask this... but y’all like... totally saw the Bloodkeeper being related to her coming, right? Like I was so convinced of it that when it was revealed in some big dramatic point at the end I was like “yeah... they told us this...?” and it turns out they fuckin didn’t??? Like I could not understand the people who were like super into her sprite like yes she looks good but here I was thinking she was our ancestor from the get-go so I was... confused to say the least.
Not gonna lie when they started pushing in snippets of Rheya’s past trauma in book 2 (things like her yelling “you know what they did to me/took from me” which is paraphrased but you know what I mean) I really hoped they weren’t gonna do what they did. So of course they did it.
But I wish they’d like... just given her the kid. Just give her Iola and leave the weird suddenly random husband out of it. At this point we know Gaius has an unhealthy idolatry for her, we know Xenocrates adored her in his own way in his youth... but we know fuckall about Demetrius up to and including his existence until literally book 3. Sloppy, IMO. They took something not being mentioned and used it to put in a plot device when the omission should have been strategical.
TBH I thought the whole “you know what they did to me” was gonna get hella dark RE: Rheya and King Kaelisus’ obsession with her. That’s as far as I’ll go there.
But you have a Priestess, a known Priestess, who was definitely faithful enough not to stray even when she thought she was walking to her own death. It’s pretty easy to assume (as I did ngl) that she would be completely devoted to Phampira, including romantically/sexually. It would have been a good setup to explain why she never gave Gaius the goods if anything.
And there’s nothing wrong with having said Priestess have her own family while still being devoted. I just wish PB would have used some fucking forethought and hinted at that earlier on than they did. Because they didn’t hint. They dropped this random fisherman-something husband on us and told us she cared enough about his opinion to make him part of her advisory board but not... to like... mention him in any of her conversations in any of the flashbacks... including those in which he would have been alive.
On that note the whole timeline there is really messy, they obviously threw him and Iola in later on after some things were established/couldn’t be taken back. I’ve studied this shit extensively and it’s really muddled exactly how long Rheya ruled, when shit went down with her family, how much time had passed when Xenocrates staked her, etc.
I would have loved for Iola’s father not to have been there. Give me a strong woman, a strong single mother, who would burn the world for the loss of her daughter. Doesn’t matter who did the deed, Iola was hers and the Sons/Order took that from her and the world would have to pay the price.
If I had been given that I would end all of my complaints right here. I would, genuinely. Because then her descent into madness, her paranoia, her megalomania would all have been explained. And they still technically are but -- maybe it’s just me -- there’s something about her having to factor in Demetrius that just... takes me out of it. IDK.
I didn’t mind the guy... though him being a talking tree of doom was a little much for me... though by that point I had accepted the plot was off the goddamn rails and just kept nodding and going with it. But his presence made the story okay when his absence could have made the story impactful and powerful and emotional. That’s just my thoughts. Which you asked for. You did this.
No takesies-backsies.
Was she a villain? Hells to the yes.
It’s a classic case of obtaining ultimate power and abusing it; of crossing the line between justice and vengeance. Not that she wasn’t justified in her freak-out over the death of her family. But everything after up to and including her fatal feeding schedule was totally unnecessary. For a villain, yes necessary. 
For a vampire goddess who could have easily used Gaius’ influence over the vampires of the modern world to form a cult following around herself with an open dialogue about her big ass appetite and probably would have ended up with swaths of willing adorers ready to lend their blood to her cause thus eliminating the need for secrecy and subsequent feeling of betrayal...
You tell me.
I feel like she was definitely more than a little hyped up though. Not even going into my whole-ass issue with the entire Unchained plot and thus the first like 4-5 chapters of book 3, she was hyped up in myth and kind of a let down in person. She could FLY. Walk in the SUN. Heal the DYING. She’s vampire JESUS.
*ADDED IN LATER: She took out THE ENTIRE ORDER OF THE DAWN, WHO HAVE RAVAGED THE VAMPIRE POPULATION FOR LITERALLY 3000 YEARS since they were around in her time after all IN LIKE A THREE-MOVE COMBO BREAK. ALL THIS SHIT THEY HYPED WITH THE ORDER and their entire ERADICATION isn’t even an ON-SCREEN THING. Unless you pay.
Dude if they had kept Xenocrates and the Order and used the two of them against each other; the Order’s long-standing influence on the modern world versus the new world Rheya wanted to create with the human populations not knowing the history behind their hatred, where like the first half of the book is Rheya and MC and gang taking out the Order and Xenocrates only to find out in the middle point that she’s been doing it for selfish reasons and they were on the wrong team the whole time and THEN Rheya becomes the big bad... I would have enjoyed the shit out of that.
Anyway. “She’s vampire JESUS...” and her big evil plan is to... suck face on national television? IDK. It didn’t play the mood right for me. I can see from a writer’s perspective how they kind of played out all of their options and went with a quick and easy solution... but it didn’t work for me. That’s a no from me dawg.
Do I think she deserved a redemption arc? I don’t think anybody deserved a god damn redemption arc, unless they are done with extreme care and attention to detail before/during/after said arc they go horribly, and overall tend to be the plot device pick of lazy writers.
And I take nothing back. No like I think I might have gone into how much I fucking hated Gaius’ “reDEmPtiON aRc” before or at least I have somewhere and to someone. Probably Sofia... no most definitely Sofia. But anyway. They spend TWO GOD DAMN BOOKS hyping Gaius as this ultimately irredeemable bad guy. 
OMG I was literally playing the book 2 finale and got a quote hold on... HERE. Adrian literally says about Gaius in 2.16 “It’s like there’s no humanity left.” And that’s just one actual example of the tons of times they make him out to be devoted to Rheya of his own volition, the ultimate example of the line between believing in something and being blinded to everything by it, etc. Like a huge chunk of Kamilah’s and Adrian’s arcs RE: Gaius are about how he was definitely a monster, he turns the people around him into monsters, and while they have worked their asses off to be good and right their wrongs he has not, will not, and would not ever do such a thing.
Then suddenly he’s brainwashed, tried to turn Rheya down and was made into a loony toon because of it, and everything he made MC’s loved ones do that they blamed themselves for but needed to blame him for is suddenly Rheya’s fault and now we should blame her for.
Mmmmmkay sweetie. I’m good, thanks.
But really -- that was the last straw for me when it came to both Gaius and Rheya. There’s a difference between giving the villain something they see as a just cause (ex. Rheya avenging her family) and giving the villain a cop-out that absolves them of guilt (ex. Gaius and... everything about him). Like yes I know MC didn’t have to forgive him, I know Kamilah didn’t really forgive him, but it’s pretty fuckin obvious from how it was put out into the world story that the writers were trying to lean you towards blaming Rheya and letting Gaius off the hook.
I mean... making him save Lula for real when Rheya saved her for fake earlier on in the book, using Lula as a stand-in metaphor for her own child daughter that she finds out she was the cause of her death for, etc? That symbolism is so transparent I could put it in the asset database.
And I’ll only briefly touch on this since I could write a whole other essay on the matter RE: PB and their fucking constant repetition of this, but “let’s give both bad guys similar moral quandaries but suddenly reveal it was a consent issue and the woman is wholly to blame and now gets the man’s crimes piled on with her own” is super common in fiction and hella. fucking. sexist.
But that isn’t to say all of this is necessarily bad.
When done right, everything I’ve complained about above can be a part of a really good story. What “done right” means is different for everyone, everyone has a different example and different thoughts on it. These are mine. I think the better term would be done well. It was not done WELL.
But given things like PB’s weird obsession with redeeming the attractive (apparently) bad guy, PB’s history with narrowing a woman down to one trait or part of her (ex. Rheya’s power corruption centered around her role as a wife and mother and not... a super all powerful vampire goddess...), their obvious lack of attention to detail and overall lack of vision when it comes to the big picture* and more, I personally don’t think they knew what the fuck they wanted by book 3 and were already well into transitioning into whatever adultery-obsessed lingerie shenanery they’re fixated on now; so much so that it’s almost a disservice to the writing done in earlier book 1 and a decent chunk of book 2 when calling it a whole series.
*I keep bringing this up only because it means I can back up stuff like this with real examples of theirs: these guys did not write the plot of this series as a cohesive story. I get that, as a writer writing a big series myself I get the fuck out of that. But you have to solidify some things early on in the development process in order to avoid writing yourself into a hole or, like with this, having to result in trope-y plot devices that work in theory but on paper don’t give the story the full-circle fulfillment it deserves. 
Their timelines are out of whack, they contradict themselves in quite a few places, constantly wishy-washy their own lore, and definitely didn’t go back and double check if they’d said something already... and that’s not including where they focused on the details of one unimportant thing and left another more important thing to just be “and this is the way it is moving on.”
I literally have no way/idea how to summarize any of this bullshittery going on in this ask. Did I like Rheya? The character personality, design, and overall idea as this big ass badass power/hungry goddess demanding fealty was pretty cool. Did I like Rheya when they narrowed her story down to her grief over her family (which, again, is valid, but just seemed really disjointed and rushed when compared to everything else they had given about her/shown of her by the beginning of book 3)? Not... as much.
I think they wanted her to seem like she could be redeemed. I mean FFS in the “big battle” she literally just stands there and lets you do the thing. 3000 years imprisoned and however many centuries before that spent taking the power that she was denied all because some bad dudes in masks killed the mortal husband and daughter you would have eventually lost to old age anyway...? And she just stands there??? 
Even knowing she was really behind Iola’s death they could have stuck with the “madness consumed” plotline and had her be like well... what’s done is done back to taking over now thank you.
But sometimes a bad guy just has to be a bad guy. Rourke from ES, mister capitalism -- can’t remember them trying to redeem him. If they had I don’t think I would have liked it so much. Who else... UGH. Thomas in NB. Crazy zombie man wants all monsters dead because one killed his family (can we stop using dead families for grief porn please and thanks...) another example of a useless villain. Hence why I removed him from my NB rewrite don’t even get me going...
What’s his face in TCATF! Luther! You join up with him and he still tries to kill you in the end! Now that was fucking classic. Hex, who suddenly is forgiven for the literal enslavement of a race of people and the thoughtless murder of a civilization that didn’t agree with her.. and all because she was ‘like a mother’ to the kid genius? Not so much.
I could go on and on and go search out tons of examples but in the end the one thing you can say PB does well is that they stay consistent in their ideas of redemption, of who deserves it and who isn’t, and just how far they’re willing to stretch the fucking story to forgive a character if 1. the sprite is hot or 2. the sprite had a little sprite family somewhere in there.
legit just talk to me about bb/nb
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buckleysjareau · 4 years ago
Text
baby you know i just wanna leave tonight
9-1-1 Week 2020, Day 5: “it’s okay, you can cry.” + hurt
If there was one thing that people knew about Evan Buckley, it was that he didn’t want people to know him.
or
People find out more about Buck than he ever wanted them to know when the Buckley's come to town.
read on ao3
tw; past childhood neglect, past emotional abuse, emotional abuse, mention of a car accident
If there was one thing that people knew about Evan Buckley, it was that he didn’t want people to know him. 
He wasn’t cold, and he didn’t shy from making friends, but his friends could count on one hand the things they knew about him. He trained to be a Navy SEAL, he tended bar in South America, and he had a sister named Maddie. The last one only came up because she showed up in Los Angeles one day. 
There are certain things that Eddie notices when it comes to Buck and personal questions. There was one time Christopher asked if Buck was going to make his dad a card for Father’s Day and Buck tensed up like he’d been asked if he was guilty of murder. His response had been simple enough for Christopher, just that his dad was in Pennsylvania, it’d be too far to send it.
He doesn’t mention that Christopher sends one to his Abuelo in El Paso. 
Another thing he gets weird about is his college education. He’s joked about not remembering what he wrote his college essay on, but that’s as far as that went. Karen asked him about it once and instead of answering, he deflects and puts the attention back on her. He notices the look Hen shares with Karen right after and he realizes he’s not the only one that’s noticed something off.
When the team learns something new about Buck one day, it’s brought up by Chimney. 
They’re at Eddie’s house for a team gathering, the Rams game on the TV. Bobby, Chimney, and Eddie have all of their attention on the game when Chimney looks over at Buck sitting on the loveseat, completely unenthused with all of their game day chaos. 
“I’m surprised you’re not more into the game, Buckaroo. Didn’t you play football?” 
Buck’s eyes turned to saucers. “How do you know that?”
“Maddie told me. We were talking about if we’d ever get our son or daughter into sports since neither of us are very athletic in that sense, and she told me you played all through high school and college.” 
That gets a reaction from everyone. It’s something new they’ve learned about Buck, so of course it’s exciting, but Buck looks like he’s ready to bolt.
“How is that relevant?” He gulps.
“You’re gonna be his or her uncle, so at least one of us is good at sports.” Chimney laughs, which was the wrong thing to do, because Buck stands abruptly.
“Maybe you should wait until they’re old enough to decide what they want to do instead of just putting them in a sport they might not wanna do.” After that, he runs out. Maddie follows after him with a sigh, guilt and anger written on her face.
No one talks about it after that. His friends noticed just how much Buck refuses to talk about himself, how uncomfortable it makes him, so they back off. He’d come to them on his own time, whenever that may be.
Little did they know that they’d all be finding out a lot more about Buck than they ever thought they would.
Eddie walks into the firehouse with coffee for Chimney and Buck at the beginning of his shift. He knows things are hectic for Maddie and Chimney seeing as her due date was a couple of weeks away, but he also knows Buck is not excluded from the stress. 
He’d been over Eddie’s the night before and after Christopher was put to bed, the random facts about pregnancy and due dates started spewing out. He knew most of them because of Shannon’s pregnancy books but the fact that Buck knew them most likely meant he fell down the Google rabbit hole. He really only does that when he’s stressed or can’t sleep.
Coffee would be a nice surprise. 
He finds Buck sitting on one of the couches in the loft, hands in hair, his phone on his lap. It’s obvious he’s not happy, maybe a little mad, but mostly he just looks scared. 
“Hey, Buck! I got you a coffee.” Eddie sits next to him and places the coffees in front of them. “You okay?”
When Buck looks up, the change in expression could have given him whiplash. He’s pretty fast at putting on a mask, he’ll give him that.
“Oh! Thanks, man, I definitely needed this.” He laughs. “Yeah, I’m fine!”
“Then why were you staring at your phone like it killed your puppy?”
“I don’t have a puppy.” Deflection. He sighs when Eddie gives him a look. “Maddie just told me… something.” 
“Something?” He knows he shouldn’t push, knows what the outcome will probably be but he’s gotta try. 
“Yeah. Something.” Buck has his fists tightly clenched. 
Eddie sighs. “Alright. You know I’m always here to talk, right? About anything.” He reminds him like he does every time. 
“Yeah, I know, thanks.” 
Do you?
The conversation turns to something normal for the two and Buck seems okay, seemingly content to just drink his coffee and talk to Eddie. 
Until Chimney walks into the loft. He looks apprehensively at the older man, like he’s going to say something he doesn’t want said out loud. It makes sense, Chimney must know more stuff about Buck than any of them through Maddie. He wouldn’t say he’s jealous, really, but he hates not knowing anything about his best friend. 
“I got you a coffee, Chim!” Eddie calls him over and whatever Maddie told Buck definitely doesn’t affect him because the man has a big smile on his face.
“You shouldn’t have!” He takes a sip. “You even remembered the cinnamon! If I wasn’t with Maddie, I’d marry you in a heartbeat just for this, man!” 
“You got him a coffee, too?” Buck gasps. “And here I thought I was special.”
“You’re special, Buckaroo. A special type of idiot.” Chimney grins but drops it as soon as he gets up and glares at him. “Cap! Help! I’m too young to die!” 
“Buck, stop chasing Chimney, he’s too young to die.” Bobby says without even looking up from the tomatoes he’s chopping. 
The banter and teasing seems to put Buck in a better mood and the look on his face when Eddie found him has long disappeared.
It doesn’t stay that way. 
They were having family dinner, passing around food, and laughing about a call they just had where a six year old ran off from her parents to chase a squirrel and ended up in a tree.
“The mom was telling me that her ending up in high places was a normal occurrence.” Bobby laughs. “Athena said May was the same way.”
“Those parents were so cool about it. My mom would have killed me for getting the Fire Department called.” Hen snorts. 
“My parents definitely would have just laughed at me once they knew I was okay.” Eddie can’t hold back a laugh at the memory it brings up. “My sister chased a stray cat and fell face first in cow manure and they still haven’t let her live it down.”
He looks over to Buck and sees the face he saw when he first came in. 
Eddie changes the subject quickly in hopes it’ll change Buck’s mood but he’s zoned out. 
They’re cleaning up when Chimney walks over to Buck, who’s cleaning the dishes, and asks him something that Eddie can’t hear. It’s not good, though, because Buck drops whatever dish he was washing back into the sink and backs away. 
“Why would I do that?” He snaps. 
“They’re your parents, Buck. I just wanted to know if you were coming.” It’s a quiet response but Eddie hears it.
Buck rolls his eyes and storms off, calling angrily over his shoulder, “you don’t know shit, dude!” 
Everyone turns to Chimney. “What the hell happened?”
Chimney sighs, guilt written across his face. “His, uh, parents are flying in tomorrow. I just asked him if he was going with us to get them from the airport.”
Hen’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You asked the guy who clams up at the tiniest question about his past if he’s going to pick up the people he refuses to talk about?”
He looks like he knows he fucked up. “I know, I know. It’s just, Maddie’s been reconnecting with them and I figured Buck was doing the same.” 
Eddie gives him a pointed look and heads off to find Buck. When he does, he’s already changed into his gym clothes and hitting the punching bag like it’s his worst enemy. 
“Don’t give me that look, man. I don’t wanna talk about it.” He huffs. 
“I’m not asking you to talk about it. I’m not one who should be lecturing people on talking about their feelings. I’m just here to see if you’re alright, okay?” Eddie puts the boxing pads on as he speaks. “But maybe it’ll help if you have someone to swing at?”
Buck doesn’t say anything, he just turns to Eddie’s held out arms and starts pounding at the boxing pads. Eddie never falters or stops, he just lets Buck take out his frustration on him, only lowers his arms when Buck stops. 
It remains quiet for a few minutes, only the sound of Buck’s labored breathing filling the air, so Eddie’s surprised when Buck speaks up.
“They want to be a part of the baby’s life. Maddie decided to let them, and now they’re gonna be here in less than twenty four hours and I’m pissed, okay?” 
“Your parents?” He doesn’t know why he asks, he knows the answer.
“Who else?” Buck bites. 
“I’m sorry, man.” He wants to know more. He wants to know why he’s so mad about Maddie letting them in her baby’s life, wants to know why in their two years of friendship this is the first he’s ever heard Buck mention his parents. He wants to know everything but he doesn’t want Buck to start pulling back from him for asking too many questions.
“It’s whatever.” Buck’s never looked so uncomfortable and Eddie hates that he’s the one making him feel that way around him. “Can I come over after this shift?”
“Of course. Always.”
Before the conversation can get any further, the alarm rings and everything else is forgotten. 
It’s seven in the morning when they get to Eddie’s, just in time to say bye to Christopher before Carla takes him to school. She’s not surprised to see Buck, but she senses something’s up because she raises an eyebrow at Eddie while Christopher is giving him a hug. Eddie’s head shake clearly doesn’t satisfy her but she doesn’t say anything. 
They say their goodbyes and they end up on the couch, Netflix pulled up to continue watching Parks and Recreation. Usually after a twenty four hour shift Eddie would be sleeping as soon as he was home but it’s what they usually do after bad shifts. He could tell it’s exactly what Buck needs to relax so he’ll stay awake a little while longer. 
“Meeting my parents is going to be inevitable so please pay them no mind when you do. Please.”
“Why, Buck?” 
“Just don’t, okay? You’ll understand.” He sounds desperate so Eddie doesn’t ask again. 
It’s quiet again after that, only the sound of the TV playing throughout the room. He feels Buck’s leg stop shaking and before he can look over, Buck’s resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder and snoring. Deciding against moving him to get up, Eddie rests his own head on top of Buck’s and closes his eyes.
He doesn’t come to until his phone rings five hours later. Maddie’s name lights up his screen and has him glancing over at Buck, who still seemed to be knocked out on his shoulder. 
He swipes to answer. “Hey, Maddie, what’s up?”
“Hey! Do you know where Buck is? He’s not answering his phone.”
“He’s right here. He’s sleeping.” He whispers. 
“Oh, alright, let him sleep.” He was planning on it. “Can you let him know when he wakes up that our parents made it safely and want to see him?”
He sighs. His parents appearance is what has him so uncomfortable so he really doesn’t want to, but he tells her he will anyway and says goodbye. He feels weird about Buck’s parents being here after the conversation of them had been avoided for so long so he really can’t even begin to imagine how Buck feels. 
Buck’s brows furrow in his sleep, a frown present on his face like he’s somewhere he doesn’t want to be in his mind. Eddie sighs for the thousandth time that day. 
“I’m so sorry, Buck.” He hopes it reaches his dream. 
Eddie despises Buck’s parents. 
He meets them for the first time at Maddie’s last minute baby shower the next day. The shower was their mother’s idea and had Maddie asking Buck to make his famous red velvet cupcakes at seven in the evening. He’d been frantic the whole night and he ends up stress baking way more cupcakes than needed for their little party. 
That already has Eddie annoyed with her but it only gets worse from there. 
“Evan, honey, it’s been forever!” Buck is tense as he hugs his mother. 
“Hey, mom.” 
“Oh, honey, how many times do I have to tell you to cover that thing? People don’t want to see that.” She’s pulling out a tube of foundation before she even finishes her sentence but Buck ducks away from her. 
“I don’t want it covered, thanks.” He smiles tightly. “Where’s dad?” 
“He’s in the other room talking to that cute captain of yours.” 
The mention of his father being in the same room as Bobby has him completely frozen. Eddie doesn’t like how panicked he looks so he steps in and nudges his shoulder. “Let’s go say hi to Cap.” 
It gets Buck going again, enough for him to move his feet and into Athena’s dining room. The Grant-Nash’s are saints for throwing such a last minute get together, especially one planned by someone Eddie has already deemed annoying. 
“Buck! Eddie! You’re finally here.” Chimney looks like he wants to be anywhere but that dining room right now. “Where’s Christopher?”
Eddie smiles. “He already went off with Harry and Denny somewhere.”
“Here we are.” Buck chuckles awkwardly. “Hi, dad.” 
“Evan.” 
It’s so awkward in there that he’s about to say something but Bobby beats him to it by clearing his throat. “Athena tells me you brought your red velvet cupcakes?” 
Buck laughs. “Yeah, and there’ll be plenty left, don’t worry. I made way more than necessary.”
The smile on Buck’s face dims when he hears his dad scoff under his breath. “So you can bake but not cook? Of course.”
“Your son is an amazing cook, Mr. Buckley.” Bobby defends, ignoring the implication of his words.
“Alright. Let me ask you this Captain Nash… Is Evan as good of a firefighter as he is a cook?”
Buck’s eyes widened. “Just leave it be, dad.” 
“He’s an excellent firefighter, one of the best I’ve ever had under my captaincy.” Bobby places his hand on Buck’s shoulder and smiles. “The one-eighteen is lucky to have him.”
“If he was so good then he wouldn’t have had to have six surgeries, Captain Nash.” 
Eddie wants to punch this guy.
“I will never understand why you would ruin your life like this, Evan.” His tone is cold. “You had a full ride to Duke University. You wouldn’t have had to have those surgeries if you hadn’t dropped out your senior year and quit the only noble thing you’ll ever do.” 
Full ride to Duke University? What the hell?
“Can we not do this now?” 
His father ignores him. “You could have been drafted by the NFL. You could have been making millions of dollars by now if you stuck to it.”
“Thought you wanted me to be a doctor?” He snaps back. “I hated football. I only ever played so you would be proud of me but you never were. Dropping out was the best thing I could have done for myself because it meant I was done living for you.” 
His outburst from the team get together finally made sense to them. 
“You dropped out to whore yourself out around South America, that’s hardly living, Evan.” His mom decides to chime in making Eddie clench his fists. “You broke your father’s heart. You should have been more like your sister.”
“I broke- I broke his-” Buck shakes his head. “You know what? I can’t. I can’t do this.” 
“Yeah, run like you always do. I really don’t know why we ever bothered with you.” His mom shouts and Buck stops abruptly. 
“You didn’t! You never bothered with me. You never cared enough about me to bother. I did everything to get your attention, everything! I played football, I got all As, I said fuck a social life, I have to study. I dated your boss’ daughter. Nothing I ever did got you to actually look at me. Hell, even me wrapping my car around a tree didn’t make you pay attention to me. You want to be in my niece or nephew’s life? Fine, I don’t care. But I don’t want you in mine.” 
It’s quiet as Buck runs off. 
As Eddie runs after him, he hears Maddie telling her parents to leave. Thank God. 
Buck is pacing in the backyard with his hands covering his face when Eddie finds him. He’s breathing heavy, no doubt still reeling with pent up anger. 
“Hey.”
Buck looks up, tries to smile at him, then looks away. He sits on one of one of the benches used for their outside table and looks next to him then back to Eddie. He takes the invitation.
“You turned out pretty great considering your parents.”
Buck chokes out a wet laugh. He notices a tear that Buck brushes away shamefully, turning away from Eddie like he was embarrassed.
Eddie places a hand on Buck’s knee and squeezes. “It’s okay, you can cry.”
Those words are what opens the floodgates. He hears a sniff, then a whimper, and then Buck is shaking with his cries. Eddie lets out a sad sigh before he reaches out and pulls him into his chest. “Football is a dumb sport anyway.”
Buck appreciates his attempt at humor because his crying is accompanied by laughter a second later. Eddie holds him through it all, holds him until he’s not crying anymore. 
Buck pulls away and smiles shyly at him. “Thanks.”
“Always. Me having your back extends to this, just so you know.” 
He smiles. “Are they gone?” 
“Yeah, your sister made them leave right after you left.”
“Good, because I really want a cupcake.”
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incorrect-hs-quotes · 5 years ago
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oohohoho you just opened the deepest can of worms on the planet
-mod dave, who wrote a fucking ten mile essay
first off, addressing the second anon, no theyre all humans. h., half humans at least. cause yall know me i fucking love my humanstuck aus off my ASS
(that would be funny as hell though. a troll from space walking into a camp on earth going “I AM THE SON OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH GODS. BITCH” like... holy shit)
so first things first their parents. im gonna lay this out, the beta kids and trolls are all greek (EXCEPT sollux hes roman cause his parent has no greek equivalent), and all the alpha kids and trolls are those gods roman equivalents (,,EXCEPT dirk cause he kinda balances sollux being roman out). i havent figured out how thatd happen like 16+ times yet cause in the percy jackson books theres only ever been one instance of two siblings of the same godly descent being greek and roman respectively in HISTORY so like.. i guess th. i guess thats just not a problem in this au
anyway this gets really long so im gonna talk about the beta kids and trolls cause i havent elaborated on the alphas at all ((peep the tags if you wanna see their parents though))
johns the son of zeus, rose is the daughter of athena, dave is the son of apollo, and jade is the daughter of demeter. they were all raised in their respective states, all had to come to new york for various reasons. jades been there the longest, shes been there 9 years and shes been on a couple quests. her biggest accomplishment so far is how she protected the camp from this big vicious angry hellhound that got past the barrier. naturally the girls fluent in Dog Training, so she steps up and instead of trying to kill this thing, she reaches out and tames it as fast as she can. it ends up actually working, and ever since that day she, her cabin, and the camp have a whole bodyguard sleeping right outside the demeter cabin! hes her steed in battle and hes a Very Good Boy. and his name is becquerel
johns the newest kid at camp, he has no idea who he is or why the fuck his school got attacked or why in the hell those anemoi thuellai were so fixated on him or HOW in the hell he absorbed the lightning one threw at him and ended up fine,,, hes just a big mess right now. a big enough mess that when he got claimed by literally zeus, no one else was around, he shrugged it off as some basic magical happening, and he stayed in the hermes cabin far longer than he should have cause no one! fucking knew he got claimed! by zeus of all people! dumbass. he ends up figuring it out though. like an off-hand mention about how this “weird lightning thing appeared above my head a couple weeks ago, haha weird right?” once he figures it out he realizes “hey i might be able to fly” so he sneaks off into the woods to try it. he succeeds fairly quickly but god almighty everyones face the one day the dude just yote himself off a small cliff without warning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
dave and rose are really tight, theyve been there roughly the same time length, and since their cabins are across from each other they just bother each other all the time. daves the resident Doctor even though he really doesnt look it cause hes got the apollo powers. apollo is the medicine god. so if you wound your stupid ass in battle daves in the ER room patching you up with his glowy hands. rose on the other hand is a very good strategist. shes one of the only athena kids ever recorded to actually have a power - telekinesis. she has no idea how she developed it, she thinks its from birth, but it freaks her out. shes training it though.
so the beta trolls, are also all human(ish). aradias hades kid. but i pulled a pjo trope on her based on one of my favorite characters (im not saying for spoilers, but if you recognize the situation, You Probably Know Who Its Based Off) and aradia died. her mom, the handmaid, had been pulling some Shady Ass Shit and ended up getting herself killed, but aradia tried saving her and ended up going down with her.
so handmaid gets sentenced to the fields of punishment in the underworld, and aradia gets sentenced to elysium, heroes paradise. shes like “no i want my mom to be okay” so they take that away from aradia and they put them both in the fields of asphodel, the neverending grey space for Not So Good But Not So Bad people. her mom becomes a shade (shadow spirit, no human resemblance), as all people do, but aradia. doesnt? and she gets dunked in the fucking river lethe and if you dont know what that does it erases your memory. so she just. comes out of the river like “hello? wgat tae fukc goin on??” but she still remembers one thing. there was an “a” in her name.
tavros is the son of hermes, hes just kinda taken on the role of backup counselor for when the actual cabin counselor is out. hes in a wheelchair, but he also has prosthetic legs for when he needs to actually stand up and fight. hes really good at it too. also catch him in winged converse cause he Owns Those and Uses Them To His Advantage. hes trying his best to keep focused on the camp, cause aradia was his childhood friend, he misses her a whole lot, she never got to camp in the first place. and to his knowledge, shes still dead.
sollux is a janus kid. thats a problem cause janus is roman, and this is a greek camp. he grew up with dave, he showed up with dave, hes been at camp as long as dave. but hes been unclaimed since he showed up so he thinks hes unwanted by whatever parent he has. he knows hes a demigod, he got through the camp barriers, so what the fuck is wrong with him? he also feels shitty cause hes shit at the greek lessons, he cant read a lick of it which literally every demigod without exception should be able to do, he cant name any gods- well, he can, but.. he gets their names mixed up. why does he keep calling poseidon “neptune”? and he has a much, much different way of natural fighting than other kids. they slice, he jabs. he wasnt taught to jab. 
karkat is an aphrodite kid with vitiligo, and to make matters worse, hes ace and on the aro spectrum. to make matters WORSE, the aphrodite kids are kinda notorious for being really shallow, really materialistic, and really mean. karkats been dubbed the “runt” of the cabin, he gets made fun of for his spots to the point where he uses make up and magic to conceal them. worst of all? hes the kid of the goddess of love, for fucks sake. being reminded that “loveless people shouldnt be able to stay in this cabin, mom must have made a mistake claiming you” is kind of.. a blow to the self esteem. long story short he hates aphrodite for claiming him, and would have rather stayed in the hermes cabin. but he eventually goes on this big quest thats vague as fuck right now but Its The Main Plot, he ends up proving to himself that hes worth something and that his siblings are wrong, and my FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE THING i came up with is HIS when he deals a final blow to some big monster: “REMEMBER MY FACE THE NEXT TIME YOU REINCARNATE. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, I’M THE SON OF APHRODITE, AND LOOKS CAN KILL.”
nepeta isnt anywhere near developed as others are unfortunately, shes a daughter of ares and shes really really good at hand to hand combat. shes small but she leads groups of people in things ranging from camp volleyball games to actual literal wars. shes a tough little shit
kanaya isnt really developed either, i have yet to figure out most of her powers too actually, shes a daughter of iris, the rainbow goddess though. (blatant reference to both kanayas vampirism and. h. her. sh. es ga. gay) ONE THING SHE CAN DO THOUGH is iris message at will without water or drachmas so really shes just everyones go to cell phone and its fucking hilarious cause people just come into the cabin like “KANAYA I NEED TO TALK TO [X]” and shes like “You Better Fucking Pay Me I Am Not Your Personal Cell Phone”
terezi is the daughter of nemesis and she has this really peculiar power she hasnt really gotten the hang of yet. she has synesthesia, so while she cant see she can smell and taste the colors of her surroundings and its really helpful. sometimes though she gets messages from her mom. they dont even come as dreams half the time, they come as almost a different plane altogether. tez has the power to literally tip the scales, pretty much. and when she gets like that, she can see. shes not on earth though, shit on earth stops when shes like that. shes just kinda In Her Own Head, i guess? and in her head she holds the two scales in her hands. she is the arms of the scale. and depending on which one she lifts up, she can literally alter the fate of the battle or happening thats going on By Herself. once she chooses she just whooshes back to real life though and nothing has changed. the only downside? it takes a LOT of energy and cant be exploited for little things. her one thing on her bucket list is to tap into said powers while getting something from a vending machine so like three things will fall out but it hasnt happened yet and shes upset
vriskas a daughter of tyche, the luck goddess, come the fuck on you knew i was gonna, i havent really elaborated on her either and im upset about that. but hey now you get a break from all those fucking paragraphs
equius is a hephaestus kid, and he kinda stays in the background. hes a range fighter, he spends a lot of time in the forge, and even though its been a project looooong since forgotten, hes been excavating the tunnels under cabin nine for years. by himself. he has no idea where they lead, but dammit hes gonna find out where. he has no idea about a certain bunker in the woods though...
gamzees just there for a fucking laugh tbh hes a son of dionysus and i love that cause hes the god of wine and parties and insanity. usually gamzees just zoning out somewhere hes Not supposed to be, and hes not affected by the maenads FUCKED UP BULLSHIT that goes down the forest sometimes. also hes so fucking scared of tavroses wing shoes he tried them on once while he was high and JESUS CHRIST
eridan is the son of kymopoleia, a SUPER obscure goddess. lets just say dont fuck with eridan cause his mom is the goddess of violent sea storms,
and naturally, feferi is the daughter of poseidon. cause who the FUCK else would she be the daughter of. WHO. NAME ONE GOD
OH AND JUST CAUSE I FORGOT CALLIE AND CALIBORN ARE SATYRS IN THIS AU. CALLIE HAS PAN PIPES. and caliborn still has a gun
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caligobeltrao · 4 years ago
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I for one would love 2 hear ur thoughts on the hannibal novel 👀👀 - bloodybrahms ☺
ahhh thank you BB!! <3 I’m gonna throw it under a cut bc I know people aren’t gonna want my ramblings clogging up their dash lol. 
Edit after I’ve written it: Holy shit this turned into a monster but tbf I did say I was going to rant. I think I miss writing college essays...
Also, I would like to note bc I’m about to bitch, I do still love Hannibal and Clarice and all of the franchise. Hell, I even love book Hannibal because I’m garbage and want to be special. So yeah. It’s a fond bitching. 
Okay where to fuckin begin man... This novel was a fucking Shit Show, my dudes. It was like baby’s first fanfiction. 
Let’s just jump in, shall we? 
So by now, having read both Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, I know Harris injects of lot of sexual shit into his novels, fine whatever, but the amount of pedophilia is insane. Like, Red Dragon with the grandmother threatening to cut his dick off by holding it in between scissors????? And then we have Mason Verger, worst human on the planet. Like jfc I’ll go into him specifically more later but just. Men. Why does it always have to be sexual. 
Like that time Clarice wasn’t wearing a bra and she wanted to prove to Paul Krendler she wasn’t wearing a wire so she flashed him her tits?? Unnecessary, Harris. Bullshit on all counts. 
Next, poor Ardelia Mapp. So he clearly wrote out her accent in Silence, which frankly reads racist since to me it seemed like he did it every time a character of color was met but he didn’t for Clarice’s Southern accent except for this book when she was talking to Ardelia. Now, that’d be a cool way to show how close they are, sure, but it just... She didn’t show up enough to warrant that reaction from me, plus all the other casually racist shit he throws in. 
Ardelia’s literally there as the wise Black best friend to help Clarice along. She doesn’t feel like her own character, she’s only there in conjunction with her, or doing something for her. She was the fucking valedictorian for Christ fucking sake, she also works at the Bureau but if her department was mentioned it was only once in passing. She was not a full character which fucking blows because she could’ve been so cool. 
And real quick before I forget, I hate how she’s treated in the end. I do like she gets a reference and that brainwashed Clarice sent her an emerald ring and a note saying she was okay, but Ardelia was abandoned by her best friend (that she had lived with) with not even a phone call and they will never see each other again and I think Ardelia knows it. It sucks and I’m heartbroken for this woman. 
I’m gonna touch a little bit on the racism too. Now I’m white and not the most qualified to talk about this shit, but I do wanna mention it because it makes me mad. There’s just so many unnecessary slurs, any POC is more of a background helper character to Clarice than anything or a foil. 
For example, Evelda Drumgo. She starts us off. Badass Black woman who runs a drug cartel. She chooses to shoot at Clarice and risk her baby’s life, and we have Clarice wash the baby off and save his life. Then Evelda’s mother is written as irrational when she slaps Clarice for visiting the baby in the hospital; I get Clarice’s impulse, but that woman just lost her daughter because Clarice killed her. I would’ve slapped Clarice too, even if it was a totally justifiable shot. 
The baby himself is used as a foil throughout other parts, most notably to me when Clarice goes to visit Mason the first time. There are two Black boys from a foster home playing in a room with a camera so Mason can watch them, and it shakes Clarice up a lil bit because of the baby, but it says she’s getting more used to it.
Now this is half and half well written and shoddy to me. It’d be a cool moment, if the whole incident wasn’t nearly completely forgotten for the rest of the book shortly afterword. It could show growth, if Clarice had any growth to show. 
And then the Romani people who are literally just used and thrown away. Sickening. Also very broadly used the stereotypes we hear which Sucks; the three we meet in any sort of depth are pickpockets, one was already in jail and Pazzi used his leverage as a police officer to get her to do what he wanted and threatened to have her baby taken away from her permanently, like it was just bad. And then the man got killed. Pazzi let him bleed out. Asshole. 
The slurs. I could take out all of them and pretty much have the same damn thing. Like I get showing negative aspects of characters and just because a character’s racist doesn’t mean the author is, but with the characters already being as shitty as they are, fully didn’t need it to make them worse. Entirely unnecessary. Racism or the character being racist has no impact on the plot is the major thing, I think. And you can replace that with anything along those lines, like sexist, homophobic, transphobic. It didn’t impact the plot, they can still be shitty, you just don’t need to use them. 
This also goes in reference to Margot being a lesbian. And the transphobia holy shit, it was disgusting. Harris had Clarice think something so cruel and unnecessary it’s like my guy why was that even remotely something we needed to hear. We didn’t. I wanted to stop reading because that’s not my Clarice, first and foremost, and second, this is supposed to be the character we LIKE. And now I don’t like ANYBODY in this damn book. 
And he treats Margot like shit too, and Barney. 
Their friendship was beautiful and great and finally for once something nice was happening in Margot’s life and I was happy reading it, and then FOR SOME REASON Margot goes to shower in the same room as Barney after a workout, which makes no sense, and then Barney tries to force a kiss on her (and he was hard, Harris made that very clear) and she had been sexually assaulted by Mason her brother and ruin the whole damn thing and none of it would have changed any other piece of the novel if you removed it!!!!!!!!! Entirely unnecessary!!!!!! And Barney had the gall to say well I couldn’t help myself like none of that was realistic in the slightest, she never would have went in the same room to shower with him. 
Something you need to do is basically get some suspension of disbelief from your reader and maintain and stretch that as you go, right? Well mine was gone at that moment.
Also side note Margot is basically just there to show how shitty Mason is for the umpteenth time. Her whole thing is lesbian sexual assault victim.
Also heavily implied she was a lesbian because of the sexual assault. And we rarely see Judy, her girlfriend, so. Bad. Bad all around. 
Circling back around to Clarice and how disappointing she is in the books as compared to the movies. Well, Clarice is also a poorly written character. She’s 1000x better in the movie. Hell, she’s even better in this book than she was in Silence, but that’s not fucking hard. 
Pretty much all the characters are so flat they don’t even classify as two dimensional. 
Like sure, maybe we wanna say Clarice didn’t really solve much in the first book and was just handed everything because she was a trainee and that’s what Hannibal wanted. 
Like if you remember the John Mulaney sketch of Delta Airlines where he’s just going “Okay!” and running to the next place he’s told, that’s Clarice. 
Okay so why does she get goaded into all this shit now? She should know better. She should know how to handle herself better. Like she messes up basic fucking shit like clearing a room before untying Hannibal, which was stupid, she seems oblivious to some of the politics at work even though she’s been in the FBI for like 7 years now, she would at least have more fucking contacts than Brigham who died in the beginning and Jack Crawford who died at the end by rolling over in his bed to his dead wife’s side and Ardelia who would be near the same level as Clarice I guess but I still don’t know her damn department???? Like you fucking network. 
Plus after her final fall from grace with the FBI, we meet or are told of random side characters that go no where and do nothing just to say “hey look at my special little girl, everyone likes her and looks up to her!!” Why? Because she caught Buffalo Bill 7 years ago and then never got a promotion or even worked with the BAU? Again, it does not make sense. People may pity her? But a random girl in the lab wouldn’t be fangirling. Starling herself said her career had gone nowhere because of the politics and not sleeping with Paul. You need to show me why she’s likable in her actions not others words. 
We spend more time away from her than with her anyways but Jesus. 
AND HER IN THE ENDING. She was fucking BRAINWASHED????? Bull FUCKING SHIT. He completely ruined anything he even remotely might’ve had in this cluster fuck of a novel. 
Case in point, difference from the movie, Hannibal spends weeks (possibly? it’s left purposefully vague and I’m guessing that’s because Harris didn’t know the ins and outs and wanted his novel done) meticulously brainwashing Clarice, he had stolen her father’s bones and she’s so far gone at that point she doesn’t care, and the whole scene where Paul is getting his brain eaten? Yeah, she happily indulges and when he insults her, she asks Hannibal for more. Fuck you, Thomas Harris. 
And Hannibal’s a Gary Stu, fucking fight me. 
In the movie he either is or he’s tap dancing on that line, don’t get me wrong, but in the novels it’s insufferable because it doesn’t seem earned. The pigs didn’t attack him because they didn’t smell fear on him. No. He’s easily able to drug and brainwash Clarice and take her as his lover. No. Go away. He’s so smart and one step ahead and can manipulate anyone and everyone into doing what he wants and blah blah blah shut up! A character being perfect isn’t interesting even if he’s evil!! We all know he’s never truly in danger because of how Harris writes him and that’s boring!! 
And I personally have a pet peeve where the villain is described as a monster or unstoppable. That’s boring and I no longer care about your story. I know 9 times out of 10 your main character is going to find a bullshit way around the impossible and kill it. Or it’s just like a default personality and nothing else is added to it. And that’s Hannibal. 
I’m on Hannibal Rising now and, spoiler alert, he’s very bland as a character. (Also Harris switched some details in the novel which kinda annoys me like get your own canon right my man but whatever.) The plot itself is pretty fun? I guess? Like there’s action and stuff and I’m enjoying that. But it’s the same set up where Harris’s Gary Stu always wins, like he was 13 in the book when he killed the butcher. Let. Your. Characters. Lose. 
Also even more racist shit but what did I expect really. 
Anyways, I have no idea who I’m supposed to root for in the novel because all the characters are just kinda shitty. It really just boils down to Harris not showing any redeeming qualities or actions from any of his characters. I liked Margot for a while out of spite but she never really went anywhere and the way she killed Mason (btw she sodomized him with a cattle prod to get his semen bc side plot and then stuffed his Moray eel down his throat and somehow I still don’t think that’s the worst part of the novel) just. No thanks really. 
All the random little side plots were also pretty not great. How many time does Harris have to say Pazzi of the Pazzis? Like I fucking get what you’re going for, even if I hadn’t watched the movie I’d be like, “Oh this dude’s gonna get hung outta that window, dope,” the literal first time. Stop treating your readers like idiots. 
And then Margot’s side plot was that the will their father left said she needed a biological heir to inherit because he was pissed she’s gay and we needed the homophobia I guess, so Mason got everything, and she was helping him with the Hannibal shit because he’s pretty incapacitated duh, and in return he would give her his jizz so Judy could be artificially inseminated and they could have a child and get some of her inheritance. I don’t care. It was all very gross, and Mason kept saying shit like suck me off you’ve done it before, I won’t be able to feel it anyway, maybe Judy’ll suck me off you think she’d like that. It’s all gross. 
And I guess this is a good a time as any to finally start on Mason. So a great rule of writing to make everything work better and give your story more depth is to give everyone both positive and negative traits right, even and especially the bad guys? Like, rules can always be broken if you’re a good enough writer, but I believe I have established that Harris isn’t quite there yet, to put it nicer than I have. 
Mason is one bad trait after another. It’s like when Harris was bored of constantly writing about plain ole pedophilia, he threw a dart at a board of horrible things and landed on topics such as: pedophilia but make it incest, extreme sadism, sadism but against children now, and good old fashioned racism! Fucking Cordell was supposed to collect the children’s tears after Mason would make them cry and put them in martinis for him. Realism went out the goddamn door real fast with this novel y’all. Like a fucking Scooby Doo villain over here. 
And he loves talking about being a sadistic pedophile, he will literally not shut up about it to Clarice when she first gets there telling her about his trip to Africa and this portable guillotine he has and just. I get it was probably like trying to make her uncomfortable on purpose because he’s a Freak, but it went way too far if only because it was annoying, not even uncomfortable for me as a reader. I was bored real quick. Get to the shit I actually wanna know. 
And it sucks because of the weird, over-the-top way of how he died, I got zero satisfaction from his death. I couldn’t even be like, “Well at least Margot got her revenge,” because that’s not how she originally wanted to kill him!!! She wanted someone else to extract his semen for the insemination but couldn’t find anybody to do it for her, and then Hannibal, whilst tied up, said use a cattle prod and you won’t have to touch him and when you kill him you can blame it on me, and I’m pretty sure even if she hit his prostate right every time and he COULD cum from that alone in addition to how his body is Fucked Up now, it would’ve been a lengthy, gross, and re-traumatizing experience for her because all she wanted to do was avoid seeing and touching her brother’s private parts again, which I think is a totally fair and rational desire. 
So I have to live with the fact that she was desperate enough to not lose the house and business because of her homophobic father to go through her childhood trauma again. There’s no place in this book that has a somewhat positive conclusion. 
Even the very last bit where Barney has a girlfriend and a ton of cash from Margot, all he wants to do is see every Vermeer in the world right? Well, because Hannibal and Clarice are in Buenos Aires where one of them is on display, Barney gets spooked and has him and his girlfriend leave before he can see it and it ends that bit with he never got to see it ever so he didn’t even complete his dream!!! 
Also for good measure, Harris throws in that Hannibal and Clarice enjoy having sex regularly. For no reason. Just letting us know. 
I know this seemed like just a bitch fest, because it was, but I kinda sorta enjoyed it? It kept my attention at the very least. It’s really disappointing because like I said, I love the movies, all of them, and have since I was little. To see the original not stand up to that image in my mind is a little heartbreaking. Especially Clarice. She was a strong female role model to me, but turns out she’s... just kinda there. And her ending is that of her no longer being herself and getting that agency taken away from her. 
There is a reference to her waking up from a sleep, if she is asleep (that’s kind of how he worded it), that kinda let us draw our conclusions on whether she was just brainwashed into being good for him or if she was willingly going along with this and was in love with him I guess and it felt like a slap in the face. She turned from a hardworking, modest country girl working her way up to the FBI into a female Hannibal. Which on the surface sounds kinda cool because we love luxe serial killers, but that’s not what she wanted or who she was set up to be. And to insinuate that she would even remotely consider choosing that path for herself is at its best an insult to her and at its worst a complete erasure of her background, what little character Harris did set up. It also completely erases my own connections to her, as a girl from a small town myself who has bigger dreams than this and also... a good, strong set of morals. He just tossed that out the window. 
Obviously if you’re on this blog, you like slasher x reader shit, and this is a novel with a slasher x a person, right? So why am I so mad about it? Because the whole point of this blog and reader insert fanfiction in general is that you are taken as you are and loved wholly as yourself and that you are worthy of that love (in a fictional setting, not really loving people who are like this, which I think we understand but I want to clarify). She was not taken as she was. He is not in love with her, she is not in love with him. She was transformed into what he wanted out of her. He couldn’t get her to be Mischa, his first plan, so he made her like himself. And the fact that he was so easily able to do it makes me upset, and even more so is that it’s not written like it’s weird or wrong. It’s written like they’re in love and this is a good thing. 
He may have been going for the classic “everyone is capable of doing bad things” stuff we see a lot, but we got that from Margot already. And Barney, for stealing Lecter’s stuff and selling it. And Paul, and the entire FBI for turning on Clarice, and the kidnappers, and Pazzi, and random shitty side characters. And none of it was particularly well written or made some sort of strong statement. It just was. And that’s not a good enough basis for a novel. 
Anyways, if you made it this far holy shit you’re a saint and I love you, let’s be friends?? <3 Have a good day y’all, thank you BB for giving me permission to ramble. 
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loavesofoaves · 4 years ago
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De Mort of the Author
This is why they say “Don’t meet your heroes.”
Over the past few years, it has become increasingly apparent that J.K. Rowling has some very terrible opinions that she only seems to get more and more vocal about. As a result, I’ve unfollowed her social media platforms for quite some time now, but still followed Harry Potter-related ventures like Fantastic Beasts (which…that could be a whole essay in how I feel about those) and her Robert Galbraith mystery series (which I have some opinions about that could also be a whole other essay).
(Oh, I can’t resist…for someone who claims to be all about feminism, J.K. Rowling is not great at writing women. There, I said it.)
Recently, it has come to light that she is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist, which I disapproved of, but after reading her blog post from today oh God is it so much worse than I thought. Instead of anything resembling any sort of empathy for her trans fans who have been so very deeply hurt by her support of TERF hot takes on social media, she is so terrifyingly committed to justifying her transphobia that it’s sobering. This, this is the hill that the woman who gave us the book series that defined a generation wants to die on? This was the woman who gave us Hermione who always stood up for justice, who gave us a metaphor for standing up to bigotry and eugenics through Dumbledore’s Army and the Order of the Phoenix, who created terrifying villains like Umbridge and Voldemort who were so very real.  How can she not see that she has become the very thing her books preached against—a villain committed to eradicating a certain type of people from the world because they are different? The irony, the fucking irony.
And the cherry on top is she just had to throw ableism into her response as well by throwing in that autistic woman are more likely to transition as if that is something to be concerned about. If you don’t know by now, you should know that I am autistic. This hurts me so fucking much. Part of the experience of being autistic is being constantly gaslit about your ability to think intelligently and rationally because you are different. Telling autistic people that they don’t know what’s good for them because they are autistic and therefore insinuating that their decision-making capabilities and sanity are lacking is ableist. Being trans is valid, regardless of whether it’s a choice or always having felt one was assigned the wrong gender from birth, and trans autistic people are valid and it’s none of your damn business in how they express their gender identities. Again, from the woman who gave us Luna Lovegood, who I have related to deeply, this is so fucking disappointing.
And let’s not even get started that this is what she so selfishly chooses to focus on when Black oppression is at the forefront and we’re in the middle of a global pandemic that is disproportionately affecting Black and Brown people. Oh yeah, and it’s fucking pride month. Woohoo Dumbledore and retroactive representation!
So the good portion of the Harry Potter fandom has established that J.K. Rowling is hurtful and should not have a platform as a public figure. And I think a lot of us who love Harry Potter but are so deeply hurt by its author are wondering, What does this mean? Where do we go from here? Can I possibly still love these books while knowing the person who wrote them is deeply problematic?
I think there is a lot of pressure right now to divorce oneself from Harry Potter entirely, as if the series will taint everyone who touches it because of the author. And if removing it from your life will make you feel better and in a better place mentally, then let go. But I always get wary when people police what media others consume, because, let’s be real, mostly everything we liked from our childhoods is problematic in some way and even though it has gotten so, so much better in the books and shows and movies coming out now, who knows what we’ll be saying about stuff Steven Universe and She-Ra in twenty years? As The Good Place would put it, there is no such thing as completely ethical consumption.
I was an English major. Part of being an English major is reading a lot of books by old dead white dudes who had offensive beliefs. Let’s look at William Shakespeare. He created hundreds of words we still use today and wrote plays that have become ingrained in our culture. His works also contained sexist, racist, and anti-Semitic ideas. And people have reclaimed these plays, challenged these ideas—supported the work while also presenting it in a satirical and critical eye. A performance I saw recently of Much Ado About Nothing with an all-Black cast comes to mind (it’s no longer streaming for free on PBS, but I highly recommend checking it out at some point: https://www.pbs.org/wnet/gperf/much-ado-about-nothing-full-episode/10194/).
So yes, death of the author. The author had intent, sure, but once that work enters out into the world, it’s in the hands of the people, baby. And while, no, we will never look at Harry Potter the same way and will always read it with a more critical eye, I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. In a post-J.K. Rowling world (which will happen completely at some point anyways), it will be interesting to see the new content the fandom generates, the new perspectives. Harry Potter fans are creative, brilliant, diverse, and resilient; they’ve brought us podcasts and porn and puppets. And that is the content that I am excited about, because it belongs to the fans, and the fans say TRANS RIGHTS loud and clear.
So personally, I will not be supporting any new work from J.K. Rowling, which, without making this a whole other essay, has spiraled down the tubes since the Harry Potter series ended. She wrote a book that defined my childhood, for which I will always be grateful, but it was time for her to say goodbye years ago and she is in grave need of time away to reflect on how her actions and writing affect others. I hope she realizes how deeply hurtful she has been one day, but I won’t hold my breath.
But I can’t just pretend I hate Harry Potter now purely for performative virtue signaling, and I think many others are in the same boat. If you are queer and/or autistic and Harry Potter was there for you when you needed it, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t read it and reflect on it fondly. Do what’s best for your mental health, and as I said earlier, if you need to distance yourself from Harry Potter to heal, that’s also valid. While the series is far from perfect as time continues to reveal to us, it still represents characters and ideas that I still see as good and validating of my own personal identity, and I know many other fans feel the same way. It will never be the same, and let’s not let that be a bad thing.
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hobiwonder · 6 years ago
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What are friends for? | (m)
Pairing: Jungkook x reader x Taehyung
Genre: Crack.Smut. friends to lovers(?), pop essentially liubwnijlwkbc
Warnings: Smut. Ass eating, licking, fingering. Just a whole lot of oral (f receiving), masturbation. Mild dirty talk bc it could’ve been worse.
Words: 4k+
Summary: Taekook are your chaotic best friends and ask if they can try eating ass with you.
a/n: lmao yes i had a dream about this??? go figure. I just wrote this in a few hours so it’s probs not as good as my other smut but ofc, a light wank is never bad once in a while. let me know what u think!!
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(eirbuirbnuir they’re so hot omfg)
“What the fuck did you guys want?” You’re almost gritting out between clenched teeth as you slam the door shut. Your chest is heaving, lungs trying to clasp in air as fast as they can because of the sprint you did to Taehyung and Jungkook’s apartment after their text that read “SOS” “EMERGENCY” from Jungkook and Taehyung respectively. You’d been stupid enough to set up this way of emergent communication when you’d all have met early in primary school. And now after more than a decade – old habits die hard. They’d sent you a text and even when your gut had told you so – you just knew– that it was for something stupid again. One time both of these imprudent fools had texted you the same words when they’d blown up their microwave by putting in tin of spaghetti in it. So to save themselves from starvation they’d texted you at around midnight. And slave to your habits you were – one text and here you were after taking a U-turn on your way back from a bad date and in a badmood.
God, how did boys even survive?
So here you were, standing in the kitchen while the two dumbasses you called – unfortunately – best friends stood in the kitchen arguing over something you didn’t care for probably, looking entirely not in an emergency. You probably were just needed to give opinions or fix something in their apartment.
“Fuck you bro! You said you were going to ask her!”
“Uh,” Tae looks horrified like he had just heard the most absurd thing – always so fucking dramatic – “I thought YOU were going to? What? Too pussy now?” His smirk earns him a face full of a couch cushion as Jungkook flings the cushion as hard as he can on to Taehyung’s face – aiming right on target as always.
“At least I know what a pussy looks like you dickhead.”
“What the fuck?” Taehyung is yelling in defence and you can’t believe your poor ears have to witness this exchange. “I’ve not only seen but actually ate it too you butthole!”
Jungkook snort, “Very mature.”
“Shut up!” It’s not your turn to scream and finally the two oblivious boys are looking over at you. You swear the look of surprise on their face seems like they’ve just noticed you. They might as well had been robbed and wouldn’t know past their own ridiculous arguments over who’s had the most sexual exploits. Stupid boys.
Ugh you hated them.
“Neither of you are mature you numbnuts.” Their eyes are scanning you from top to bottom – no shame like always. Taking in your short little red dress and the heels you’d bought especially to go to this stupid orchestra with your boring ass trust fund date. God, rich people had so much money and yet they spent it like that? Who takes someone on a first date to the Opera? You had sat there just listening to the singer while your date had been so immersed you might as well had come alone. The dress had shown your figure perfectly and highlighted the areas of your body that needed to stand out, perfectly. Your legs looked amazing because of the heels and longer than they were. You’d looked good. Even you could say it. But of course. Why would the night continue off like that? It had to be ruined by a boy and then ruined further by more boys. In conclusion to this essay: boys were the problem!
Ugh, you needed to get laid.
“So what’s the emergency? Why did I have to drive here? Hm?” You sounded like an interrogating mother and they looked as confused as the children of said mother would probably look.
“You look mad.”
“And hot.” Jungkook adds and you just want to slap him. But you can’t help the tiny flutter in your belly at his blatant staring. Though Taehyung just glares at the younger boy to be quiet when they see that you look more mad than usual. Yes, they pissed you off often.
“Because I am.” You continue to glare at them both, heels clicking as you walk forward, dumping your clutch on the kitchen counter and letting your hair out from the tight bun it was in. “So? The fuck you two want now?”
“Uhh, Taehyung was about to ask you.”
“Wait dude, what the fuck? You ask!”
“We agreed that you’d-” Your hands go up in your hair t fluff it out before clutching it tight to give a frustrated pull before you slam your hands on the kitchen counter, aking them both look at you again.
“Just get to it. Hyungwon was one of the most boring dates ever and whatever you two have to ask cant be worse than that.”
“Uh..w-what if it is?” Jungkook gives a little shrug, nonchalantly and your eyebrows furrow. The two of them rarely ever hesitated in making requests from you. How bad was this going to be?
“Then no.” You pick up your clutch, ready to leave when both of their hands grab each of your arms, rushing forward to stop you from leaving.
“Wait! You may even like it!”
“Yeah y/n maybe it’ll turn your night right around.” Jungkook’s eyebrows are going up and down suggestively and now you’re a little nervous and the butterflies are coming back. What was happening?
“J-Just spit it out then.” Your hands go up in the air in exasperation that they were both beating around the bush so much.
Taehyung looks at Jungkook and Jungkook returns his unsure gaze and they both seem to be having a secret conversation between themselves. Amazing how boys could communicate with any words suddenly.
“Speak!” You shout again when their telepathic communication continues. They really did share one braincell huh?
“We were wondering if you’d let us eat your ass.”
“Yeah okay.” You’re shrugging in agreement like you always did – until your brain finally registers what they’ve said. “ Wait, what?!”
They’re both looking around anywhere but at you like the ceiling is so interesting. Your face is going hot and flushing to the point that even your vision seems a bit rosy. What the fuck went through their mind to come up with this idea? You weren’t blind. You had seen your chubby little friends grow up to be chiselled and toned and tall and broad young men. You saw the countless girls they brought home and how people did double takes whenever the three of you went clubbing. But of course, that didn’t mean you had a problem with it. Sure… at some point or another you’d had a crush on them both but you were over it when they pooped literally with the door open in your house.
You all were too close for you to mess it up. Plus, you couldn’t choose between the two. You loved both of these stupid handsome boys too much to make one of them the third wheel. That’s if they even liked you. But why else would they ask this of you?
“Well you see, Jungkook here,” Taehyung’s glare shuts up Jungkook’s protest before he continues to explain, “Said he wanted to try it before he did it with any girl. And frankly, I’ve had a few girls want me to do that to them so I wanted to try it beforehand as well.” He’s shrugging casually again as if this was no big deal.
“So… let me get this straight,” your eyebrows are furrowing again but this time in annoyance once again, “You want me to be the experimental lamb before you two shitheads go off ass licking?”
They just nod. Yup. They nod like you were the one oblivious here.
“I’m going to kill you both one day. Just wait.” You’re nodding as you back up, pointing at them both before you left.
“Y/n!”
“Bro wait!” Jungkook is calling you bro like he didn’t just ask if he could eat your ass.
They’ve now sandwiched you between them both, Jungkook at your back while Taehyung blocks your access to the main door.
“Just hear us out y/n.”
“Uhhhh no thanks you twinks. I need to sleep!”
“You may like it!” You ponder for a few seconds and you know that if you tell them that you already know you like it then they will trap you here until they’ve done what they asked you here to do.
“I know I will.” Damn your loose mouth because you’ve already mumbled it out loud. And while Taehyung is looking at you confused and asking you to repeat what you said – Jungkook has shrieked in your ear that you wince and cover it.
“Hyung! She’s already tried it. Damn girl!” Ugh he was so immature. Stupid boy. Your best friend made you question your standards when it came to friends. He was lucky he was so cute and you knew that he wasn’t all just looks and muscles.
“Y/n,” Taehyung is gasping in mock shock as his hands slide down your hands to your waist, so casually rubbing at it while he leans his head down to try and catch your gaze as you nervously looks around – trying your hardest to look angry and not embarrassed for your slip up.
“You naughty girl.” He’s smiling his greasy smile and you’re done trying. You are annoyed now.
“Ugh let me go you noodles. I’m not going to be your experiment.”
“But you like it! It’s a win-win!”
“So you think you’ll like it?” You’re leaning back to look at the other, more muscly male who’s back hugging you, his breath warming the crevice in your neck.
“I think so. I love eating pussy so why not just a little further down?” He’s saying it all like he’s having a conversation about cereal and you can’t help but blush like crazy. You knew your best friends didn’t have a filter but wow. Having them this close to you, their hands on you at once was a bit… much. Or maybe you were just expecting to get laid tonight but definitely not by these two dorks.
“Very good point Jungkook. Logical thinking. I like that.”
“Why thank you good sir.” You roll your eyes as they complement each other like they weren’t fighting like 13 year olds just a few minutes ago.
“Ugh shut up. Both of you.” You sigh. Knowing that if you were dragged out here after that terrible abomination of a date – you get to be a drama queen too – might as well get something out of it, right?
“Where are we doing this?”
“Wait really?”
“Fuck yeah. I knew she’d say yes.” Jungkook says at the same time Taehyung is surprised. That little shit always thought too highly of himself. But you probably would say yes to most things they asked of you. You loved them too much. Plus they would probably die without you.
“We love you y/n! love you noona.” Jungkook is cooing in your ear, squeezing the life out of you as he tries show his appreciation by acting like the baby he is because he knows it gets to you. Meanwhile, Taehying is hugging you now as well, kissing your cheeks in little pecks, making your face – and now your body too – feel way too hot.
“S-stop. Both of you.” You try to fight off their kisses and cuddles as they walk you to the couch. “Stop acting cute when you two are literally about to be up my ass.”
“Whatever. You love it.” You just roll your eyes while Taehyung only sends you an air kiss that you pretend to gag at.
“Okay so just turn around,” Taehyung is turning you around to face the couch and it goes silent for a few 10 seconds. All that can be heard now is the three of you breathing and you realise that- - wow – this really is happening. Maybe that glass of wine was making these decisions for you. You’ll probably regret this later but right now you were high on endorphins.
“I am turned around Tae. What now?” You speak up when it’s been approximately a minute and he still hasn’t said anything else.
“Bend her over hyung,” You hear Jungkook’s throaty voice from somewhere behind Taehyung and you can hear the intake of breath from Taehyung who is directly behind you, hands on your waist. And then he slides his hands to the middle of your lower back, pushing you slightly forward until you’re bending over, resting your hands on the backrest of the couch. “Put your knees on the couch as well babe.”
Your breathing is picking up again. And even though this isn’t the first time Taehyung has referred to you with the endearment, the situation that you three are currently in is entirely different from all those previous one. But of course – you do as he says and place your knees on the couch so you can lean forward more comfortably while your derriere sticks out to the two men behind you who are definitely getting an eye full of your ass.  
A warm, large, palm is going up from the tops of your thighs to the top of your ass until they run down the same path again – kneading your ass. And of course, your mouth can’t keep quite as a tiny moan slips out at the comfortable – enjoyable sensation of your ass being essentially massaged loosens the knots in your muscles there.
“She likes it.” Jungkook whisper’s this time while taehyung stays quiet and then another hand joins, feeling your buttock on the opposite side and you can tell that this is Jungkook’s hand because it’s slightly more rushed just like how impatient Jungkook is. But overall, still incredibly relaxing. These two idiots knew what they were doing. So far at least. The massaging continues, sometimes one hand slips a little too in to the slit between your asscheeks through the dress, kneading the dimples in your back.
“We’re going to lift your dress now, noona.” You just moan a reply, head resting on your hands that are crossed in front of you on the couch. Taehyung hasn’t said a word while he silently has just caressed and felt.
You feel the cool air between your legs – and your thoroughly ruined underwear but you were past the point of caring. The dress is being slid over your back until it rests just above your waist – completely baring your underwear clad hips to their eyes while simultaneously both of them are cursing under their breath.
“You’re soaked.” It’s the first time Taehyung’s deep voice has reverberated through the room and it makes a shiver go down your spine with the way he says the words. Like he’s accusing you of a heinous crime. Then his hand is back on your ass, the cool feeling of his rings clad fingers making you flinch just slightly as his hands get even more bold.
“D-Duh. You’re playing w-with my ass.” You’re trying to sound nonchalant, like it doesn’t affect you as much as their hands actually are. You’re so horny now that you want to shout at them to hurry up already.
“Noona, you’re so gorgeous.” Jungkook’s amazed voice only puts your body at ease, knowing that they liked what they saw. It was a nice boost to your quickly diminishing confidence.
“Fuck!” The whimper is ripped from you when Taehyung had dragged the band of your underwear back and let it snap against your ass and pussy with a harsh tug. But of course it only makes you wetter.
“Look kookie, she’s dripping even more. She loves it. You love this don’t you y/n?”
You don’t respond, only bite your lip as you throw your head in your hands again – too mortified to say anything. But when Taehyung’s palm is striking against your buttock, you’re yelping and jerking forwards in to the couch, hands finding purchase on the back of the couch now.
“I asked you a question Y/n.” You had an idea of how rough Taehyung good be but never could confirm the rumours. Until now.
“Y-Yes.”
“Good. We want you to like it.” And just like that, he’s pulling away the ruined string of your thongs aside, exposing the tight ring of muscles that they both wanted to see in the first place.
“Fuck…. Look at that hyung.” Jungkook sounds like he’s leaning over now because you can feel a breath closer to your skin and it makes your breathing fasten even more.
“She’s clenching.” They’re talking to each other like you aren’t even there and it makes your skin even more feverish. Fuck why was this so hot?
“Her pussy is clenching too.” Jungkook so graciously points out and you can feel his hand on your ass sliding down. And just before it reaches its destination, he asks. “Can I touch your pussy noona?”
His voice sounds so innocent, so incongruous with his actions but what were you going to say when he spoke to you like that? Say no?
“Yeah baby. G-Go ahead.” You look behind you for the first time and finally see the way the two are positioned and it makes your blood run even hotter that you’re surprised it hasn’t burnt your skin to a crisp from the inside out. Taehyung stood directly behind you and your mind momentarily slips to another reason he may be in that position but you push that thought away when you see Jungkook on his knees, hands on your ass like it was the 8thwonder of the world, kneading and rolling it while one hand finally slipped further down to your aching pussy. His fingers are parting your sticky lips and the labia surrounding your engorged clit as he massages the wetness in even further – making obscene sounds bounce off the living room walls.
“Fuck, she’s so wet.” Taehyung hums in agreement while his own large fingers slip in between with Jungkook’s to gather your arousal as lubricant because he’s bringing them back up once he’s thoroughly coated them in it. Your moaning, whimpering and letting out small cries as Jungkook continues to massage your pussy while Taehyung is circling the tight ring of muscles with your slick arousal as well. It’s a sticky mess and you can very well hear it.
“You go first hyung. I’m hungry for this.” Your head is whipping back quickly at Jungkook’s stammering but it’s too late – he’s already dipped his head down and clasped your clit firmly in his mouth as he gently sucks.
“oh god.” A dry sob leaving your lips as the tears steadily well up in your eyes from the sheer intensity of the sensations. Especially when Taehyung is also kneeling and has now started to tongue your ass while Jungkook has a feast further down. The scene unfolding in front of you is so hot that you’re almost cumming on the spot because by god – getting head from two boys? Heaven. You know you’re absolutely ruined now. Your best friends have spoiled you.
“Ah,” A high pitched moan that would put porn stars to shame – leaves you when Taehyung stiffens the muscle of his tongue and probes your asshole with it. Repeatedly trying to jam his tongue inside you further and further in with each thrust. Jungkook is only helping the knot building up in your belly to tighten rapidly.
“Tae!” You’re crying out loud when he has grasped both of your ass cheeks, spreading them apart obscenely before flattening his tongue against the tight ring and licking and flicking at it rapidly. You knew you loved having your partners go down on you there but of course – it wasn’t exactly the most common of occurrences.
“Can I put a finger inside your ass y/n? Can I? Please?” He’s almost pleading between licks – mouth wet from his own saliva and your arousal that he keeps sampling to smear on your rear. You just vigorously nod your head and he’s placing a kiss on your cheek – oddly sweet – before he’s sliding down to your pussy where Jungkook’s face is still shoved, licking and sucking lightly – not hard enough to make you cum just yet but enough to torture you.
With one thrust, Taehyung’s finger is deep inside your pussy, thoroughly coated in your arousal while you can only whimper and hold on to the couch as he withdraws his thick, long finger to bring it up to your ass and circle the tight opening there.
“It’ll burn for a second baby.” You don’t have time to reply because he’s already pushing it in, your thoroughly wet ass sucking his finger right in.
“Fuck fuck fuck. Tae h my god. J-Jungkook.” You don’t know who’s making you suffer more. Jungkook with his mouth making out with your pussy or Taehyung’s finger that’s slowly pushing in until he’s in until it’s nestled in deep while his fat tongue licks around the intrusion. But one thing is for sure – you’re going to cum.
“I-I’m so c-close, oh god.” Tears have finally escaped your eyes as you push your ass against Taehyung’s face while Jungkook is almost laying on the floor, messily sucking at each of your pussy lips before taking in your blood swollen clit in his mouth to suck it raw. Taehyung’s finger has now started a nice pace but just when you’re about ti cum he’s withdrawn the finger and replaced your gaping entrance with the stiffened muscle of hif tongue. And then you’re coming. All over Jungkook’s face and the pleasure is so intense that your vision has gown bleary and you’re almost sure you died for a second.
“Fuck hyung, s-she squirted.” You’re too out of your mind to notice anything other than trying to steady your breathing. But you do finally glance back to see Jungkook’s wet shirt around the chest area and the shine on his lips and chin.
“You’re so hot noona oh my god.” He’s placing kisses all over your ass and you haven’t even had time to recover before they’ve already switched positions. Jungkook has wasted no time in spready apart your cheeks wide and shoving his tongue in right there in contrast to Taehyung’s more paced approach but you were too sensitive and were going to flinch either way. But when You hear Taehyung’s zipper go down – your temperature is rising again. Jungkook has now discarded his shirt as has Taehyung. Both of them were naked from the waist up while you were exposed from the waist down. Not fully but Jungkook is quickly taking off your absolutely ruined underwear and discarding it on to the building pile of clothes.
“Be gentle kook. I-I’m sensi- Fuck!”
Of course he’s doing before listening. His tongue is flat on your asshole, continuously licking up and down, faster than Taehyung and this alone is going to be enough to make you cum this time because you’re so worked up already. But of course, Taehyung can’t help but join in again as you feel his hand on your flinching pussy, rubbing your wet entrance and rubbing the nectar around your thighs, thoroughly coating you in your own mess. But you weren’t too mad about it. You liked their messiness for once.
“I love your ass noona. Isn’t it great Tae? Fuck we should’ve done this sooner.” His words are muffled as he talks between sucks and licks. Of course he would talk while he eats. Messy. Your internal laughter is dying down when Taehyung is shoving his ring covered middle finger inside your trembling pussy once again – but this time, he doesn’t pull out. He pushes it back in despite your withering form from the continuous assault on your sensitive skin.
“T-Tae-Ah- p-please. I can’t, n-no more. Oh fuck.” You’re crying and letting out small sobs, back aching from being bent over like this for so long but the pleasure is so much and so addicting it’s like you’ve been kept away from your drug when you’d never even taken it in the first place. Jungkook licks down to your perineum before coming back up to your clenching hole and fucking it with his tongue, setting an unremitting pace while Taehyung is fucking your clenching cunt with his bony fingers. And this continues over and over. You and Jungkook mostly moaning while Taehyung is grunting and growling out obscenities once in a while, jacking off his hardened length with his free hand while the other ruts in to you.
All it takes is one look behind you and seeing Taehyung’s girthy length – red, veiny and the head fattened with blood – leaking profusely while his wrist is snapping inside your pussy as well as Jungkook’s black mop of hair as his face is almost shoved entirely up your ass. That’s it. You’re gone with a shout.
“I-I’m cuming!”
“Come for us y/n. Fuck yeah. All over Jungkook’s tongue and my fingers.” Taehyung is growling, snapping his fingers inside your walls so fast and the accompanying shove of Jungkook’s tongue inside your ass is enough to have you leaking like a faucet – making the most obscene symphony of noises – better than that damn orchestra – sound the walls of the living room as you cum once again. Much less in duration but just as intense.
Taehyung’s hand has left your pussy and opted for grasp and tug at his shaft in rapid movements until he’s heaving and growling out his orgasm – cumming all over your ass.
“F-Fuck, c-can I cum over your ass too noona? P-please? Oh fuck.” Only when Jungkook has stood up that you realise he’d been just as painfully hard and had at some point started to palm himself through his jeans. And now that he slides his fist over again and again – slightly longer than Taehyung but not as thick – you can see how he’s leaking the pearly white liquid as well. And of course. You’d let him do anything to you right now.
“Go ahead baby. Cum on noona’s ass.”
“F-Fuck yeah. Oh fuck. I love you noona.” Your heart is fluttering and you’re not given a chance to dwell on his declaration further because you feel the spurts of his own orgasm dirtying up your ass, sliding between your cheeks and wetting your skin. And you honestly loved it all.
Fuck you loved them both.
You’re all breathing hard. It’s been at least a minute when you feel Taehyung’s hand rubbing in both his and Jungkook’s cum in to your ass, massaging it in your skin that you’re finally coming to your senses and realising how sore your back will be. Fucking hell. You’re about to straighten up but Taehyung is already wrapping his sticky hands around your waist and turning you around to lay you across his and Jungkook’s lap. Your eyes are closing and your body is giving in to its tired state. You’ll worry about the regrets and explanations tomorrow. Right now, you just wanted to snuggle both of your annoying friends who just made you cum twice. And they haven’t even fucked you.
Yet.
“Love you y/n.” That’s the last thing you hear before you’re dozing off.
a/n: let me know what u thought :)) i’m still working on baby baby so this is in case i dont post it early. 
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your-localghost · 4 years ago
Text
so um who wants to read a 50 page essay of me and my mom's journey through the IT movies?
too bad you're reading it
so like i saw this goddamm clown, and i, also being a clown, said to my mom, also a clown, "lets watch this clown movie lol" and she said yes. and in the like first five minutes we are already awwing and stuff because??? omg georgie and bill are so cu- oh. oh my god. oh this us not what we thought at all-
so enter Losers. instant RELATE i am also a LOSER hellO?? hAh look at these 2 idiots theyre bickering like an old couple an- oh my fucking GOD of course there are bullies. one of them looks like draco malfoy??? guYs did draco malfoy play in this movie we see him like 2 times-
oh my god oh no poor bill he is trying to find his brother :( but alsO BEV IS SO PRETTY??? IM SO GAY???? and yeah i really feel the New Kid On The Block like same man i didnt even get to meet a pretty girl and a buncho losers who will go jump into lakes with me
OH and the lake scene? it bites me in the ass later. i fucking passed it off as a "theyre bonding" moment and then it transforms into a feelings plane and crashes into my house
--
me: they just keep leaving their bikes
mom: well It takes kids, not bikes
--
fastforward and??? the fight secene?? the fuckijgn fi Ght SCE ne??? o H M Y GO D
bill was so desperate to find georgie?? richie was so scared he would die??? beN BEING SCARED HIS FRIENDS ARE GONE?
i AM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS
and oh?? bev's dad??? hate the vibe this dude gives to me. like this dude def did more than mentally abuse her and im so glad she beat him up
uhHHH??? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT EDDIE STANDING UP TO HIS FREAKSHOW OF A MOM??? HOW HE WAS SO MAD????? HE THREW HIS PILLS ON THE GROUND HELLO, HE STRAIGHT UP YEETED HIS FANNY PACK??? MAN the things a gay goes through for his friends
bill's speech on georgie, like, dude just fucking stab me it will hurt way less
fastforward more, the oath??? how scared stan was??? like i ddint really feel any connection with stan other than his actor played my fav character, stan, in ianowt, but uHm? i still love him??? so mUCH???
oOOOH i just realied i didnt talk about mikey
ahem
THE ROCK FIGHT THE FUKING ROCK FIGHT THE ROCK FIGHT OH MY GOD
THESE LOSERS ARE SCARED SHITLESS OF THOSE SHITBAGS BUT THEY SEE ANOTHER LOSER AND THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS THROW R O C K LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU FUCNKY LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STAND UP FOR YOUR FELLOW BULLIED I LOVE MIKEY SO M7CH OH MY GOD
__
so between the 2 movies we realized it wasnt on netflix and went on various websites to watch the 2nd movie, got progressively angrier until i got my laptop and just watched it blindly because we are both blind
--
okay heres the tea yall
they completely erased bev's character in the 2nd movie. in the first it was emphesized SO MUCH just how brave she was compared to the others. she took the first step, she wasnt afraid to go into the house she fought her abusive dad and in the 2nd movie it was all gone. i really liked the fact that bev wqsnt a damsel in distress until in the 2nd movie she was. while in the 1st movue you forgot that gender roles existed in the 2nd it really seemed like they wrote bev as a "woman" rather than "bev" you dig me??? okay rant over. basically fuck the 2nd movie bev and im not just saying this because her 1st movie actor made me realize i was a lesbian. on to the movie
oh mY GOD HOMOSEXUALS??? WILL THEY HAVE A PART IN THIS STORY OH MY IM SO EX- oh. right. oh hey theres mikey :D
___
me: who's this??
mom: its bill look, its his surname
me:
me: you remember bill's surname but not richie or ben's names?
---
oh theyre all grown up!! oh bevs fighting an abusive man again and uh
___
mom: i have a feeling stans gonna kill himself
me: hah can you imagi
---
STANLEY??? BABEY BOY OH NO???? and also are we gonna let the spider with the baby head thing pass?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DONT REMEMBER ANYTHI-
"this is like a virus its been eating us for 27 years!" YEA MIKEY ITS CALLED PTSD YOU FOUGHT A FUCKING DEMON AND DIDNT SEE A THERAPIST????
also the whole tribe thing seemed really out of story and like it didnt belong there at all? idk maybe its just me but i dont wanna believe that bill's 3rd eye opened after he got drugged by his friend idk
so like hightlights because ive got many rants about the 2nd movie
what the fuck do you mean bev got out of jer specilized hell after ben recited 1 fucking poem are you kidding me are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ARE WE REALLY DOING THE SAVED BY LOVE BULLSHIT AGAIN OH OKAY
OH OKAY FUCK YOU
SO BEV GETS SAVED IN THE FIRST MOVIE AFTER BEN KISSES HER WHEN AT THE TIME HE PRIBABLY THOUGHT LOVE WAS AT ITS PEAK WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR 2ND GRADE CRUSH A BADLY WRITTEN POEM
AND UFKCING HELL IT HAPPENS IN THE 2ND MOVIE TOO??? DOES PENNYWISE JUST THINK "oh these bitches hetero bettet keep them alive" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD ALL BE OKAY IF
IF
IF EDDIE LIVED TOO
FUCK I RELATE TO RICHIE SO MUCH??? HIS FIGHT WITH HIS PEERS AND HIS FIGHT WITH HIMSELF OVER HIS YEARS LASTING CRUSH ON EDDIE?? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS GAY AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HE HAS A BREAKDOWN BECAHSE HIS SOULMATE GETS STABBED BY HOMOPHOBIC FORTNITE DANCING CLOWN WHILR HE TRIES TO SAVE HIMA DN THEN FUCKIN G DIES EVEN THOUGHT THESE 2 IDIOTS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY THAN BILL+BEV AND BEN+BEV COMBINED OH MY GOD IM SO MAD THE HETEROS GET TO LIVE BY TRUE LOVE BUT THE GAYS DONT AND UG G H H G G HH "hes dead" NO HE FUCKING IS NOT THIS ISNT FAIR I LOVED EDDIE SO MUCH
well uh now that we got my love for richie on papet um
the lake scene
i cried and i had to watch heteros kiss underwater while wiping my tears. its only cool when percabeth does it guys
the lake scene aside i full on BAWLED LIKE A BABY at the ending because i felt so bad that stan died already and i felt bad that not only was richie facing years if bullying and homophobia anf the loss of his friends it finally is confirmed that richie had a crush on eddie and i
i just cried man? it hurt me so much as it weighed on me how many jokes richie made, how scared he was when he saw the missing paper of himself, his flashbacks to people calling him names, his speech to eddie and that he had to get dragged out because this fucker obviously couldnt let go of his feelings. and between all of that and stan's letter my brain blocks out everything and focuses on one
R + E
oh my god
OH MY GOD NO
NOW i dont really like watching movies. as a writer myself im really critical of everything involving the world building, the characters, the plot and all that jazz and usually the acting is so bad that i dont feel for the characters but THIS ONE. T H I S O N E
my mom turned to me and was SO SHOCKED to see my flat out CRYING because i just dont do that man, and she just asked my what made me cry and i just made a noise like "hhhnnnn" and she nodded and went "richie's love story" and i, still crying, went "hhhnnnn" but in a higher pitch
and im just so mad? that eddie didnt get to live?? we didnt get an "i love you" or even a "im gay" from richie??? we didnt get to see them holding hands and letting go of their trauma together and being gay and happy yet
yet the fucking bad-writer-white-boy and boo-hoo-i-had-no-friends and not-bev get happy endings??? mike can get a happy ending because he is a well thought out character
thESE 3 ON THE OTHER HAND OH MY GOD
bill had to change his endings which really makes me angry because ima writer yada yada
bill has been bullied his uh what whole life? he got told his opinion didnt matter and from what i remember even his parents shut down his ideas and i feel like he should have made the endings how he wanted instead of changing to what the public wanted. thats what he defended as a kid, thats why he was in the losers club unwilling to change, because they were losers. yet he changed.
ben should have stayed fat or at least have abnornal weight because that also defeats his story with bev. it makes it seem that suddenly and magically when ben is hot bev can BEGIN to consider that she loves him.
i already ranted about bev.
mike is decent i guess? i like that he didnt stay with whoever the fuck that was in the first movie because he seemed very aggreasive to me. im glad the chose to research into pennywise because others were too stupid not to (RICH AND EDDIE GET A PASS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY SHARE HALF A BRAINCELL AND I LOVE THEM)
well stan is just tragic
___
me: who the fuck is afraid of spiders why do they keep showing up
mom: its stan?
mom: he brought the hair things and all
me, about to cry: oh m y god
---
so TL;DR: we really liked the first film! the acting, the plot, the creepiness is overall better and you get to relate to a bunch of Losers who get abused by their parents
the 2nd film doesnt exist. i refuse to acknowledge it exist EXCEPT for the ending where stan writes a letter about how he would like to meet hks friends again while BREATHING and richie and eddie carve their initials on a piece of wood and get to be gay.
if your name starts with B your opinion is invalid in the 2nd movie
also can anybody give me fanfics where the fortnite dancing clown doesnt exist and richie goes to therapy to heal from the bullying and once he gets over his homophobia he gays with eddie??? specific i know but im willing to write it if it doesnt exist
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d00dt00nz · 4 years ago
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Obligatory promo stuff at the top because it sucks and I hate it and let’s get it out of the way! follow me on twitter where I’m active, check me out on spotify for music, or like my facebook for sparse updates on music stuff. Thank you. The Cover art is by Ellie Tison
Okay!! Last song!!
Well, I say last song, but it's more like “last song”. There is one more song that I used as an epilogue, but I'm not going to get into that, and honestly if you've listened to 13 tracks without being sold (why would you do that?) one more track isn't going to sell you on it.
And would you look at that, the last song is a reprise of the first song. Wow, it's like Sgt Pepper... that's so cool. Now it makes sense why I didn't bother talking about that first song right? Not planned btw.
This song was one of the first songs I wrote for this album. I said this for a few. Truthfully I did four or so around the same time and they were all great. I had a few more tracks in the oven as well. Everything was going great. I was like “wow this album's gonna be done in no time!” Anyway that was like three or four years ago. I guess that's how these things tend to go.
This is back when I was trying to make a bit more of a straight ahead rock/indie rock sounding album. I'm pretty sure I wrote this song on guitar, lyrics and all, which is honestly (and sadly) pretty rare for me these days. I had this idea for repeated backing vocals and a call/response sort of song structure. I'm pretty sure this more energetic version of the song came first. I originally wanted a sort of Lou Reed feel to it, but once I wrote that groovy dancy bass riff it immediately lost that feel. Once I started recording electric guitars I accidentally did a grungy “brrroww” at the end of the phrase and really liked it. I replicated it throughout the track and in turn lost even more of that Lou Reed feel.
In my original recording process I had a damaged patchcord. I didn't realize it at first because I was trying out some new equipment. I just thought it was really quiet. That being the case, I had to turn it up way loud to get a good volume and that's actually where some of the guitar tone you can hear (mainly in the one playing a melody-line during the chorus) comes from. I actually really liked it, I thought it sounded like Pavement. Actually, my Tiff did too and that's probably the nicest thing she's ever said about any of my music.
At some point I added more guitar tracks to the track to make it sound fuller, and also replace some of the ones recorded with a broken patchcord. I honestly kinda liked the original tracks, which still had a little bit of that 70s glam grittiness to them, but I'm far too neurotic about this stuff to really sit with that. In the end it sounded less 70s and more mid 90s. It had a sound that I've actually been trying to get for a while, though not on this track – the sort of fuzzy swirling guitars with a groovy beat and bassline to it. Tiff described it as being “Like those music videos where everything is blue and everyone's got really baggy pants”, which, again, big compliment. I don't know if that one was actually a compliment, but I'll take what I can get.
The song had its genesis at that same party I mentioned last time. There's nothing specific really. We had my album on and it's got a pretty fun cool first half. The people there were enjoying it, but then it gets to the second half and it's a little bit more mopey. It's also completely sexless and uncool throughout. That being the case, one of the guys there was like
“Sorry Con-dog, the vibes are just not working with this right now,”
and I was like,
“Oh don't worry about it, I understand dude,”
And then he was like, “Right on man. I’m getting fucked vibes from those guys over there. Here, hit this for me.”
And then I did some coke off a Pulp Fiction VHS tape.
I thought to myself, “man it'd be nice to have music that you could put on at a party”. Which basically was the whole idea behind this album, conscious or not. I don't really know if it succeeded, but there's definitely a certain kind of party where this would play, and honestly I don't think I'd mind being at it.
The album was originally going to be more centered around the idea of the character described in this track. I mean, obviously he's me, but I'm trying to detach myself and make things a little more universal. I wanted to explore all the different traits and behaviors that this one person has. Some of them being mine, and some of them being not. Honestly, it didn't really pull through to the end. There's a little bit of that in here, but it's mostly just songs. I'm okay with that. They have some thematic cohesion. It's got this song bookending the album. Wow, it's like Sgt. Pepper.....
The ending is a little bit embarrassing for me because I do a bit of a scream voice, which, honestly I don't think there's anything actively wrong with it, I just cringe when I hear myself doing it because it's like “ah oh god I'm doing that”. I don't know. There's also the fact that, well, one of the things I yell is the word “Wasteman”, which is a little bit of an outdated slang right now, but when I actually recorded the song it wasn't. Whatever, this is an insanely white album from a white kid. I figure a lot of people who enjoy this type of music haven't actually heard that word. I wouldn't have, but I hang out with Tiff's cool friends sometimes. Honestly I think it's a cool term. I think the most embarrassing part though is I copy-pasted it so it repeats twice because I felt like I wanted more intensity. I don't think it's super noticeable, but the idea makes it a little disingenuous. During the outro I wanted to add a little more of that “90s blue and baggy” feel, so I plugged in a keyboard and freaked out on the organ setting. I think it really adds a lot.
The slower version of the song was written afterwards and I actually cheat because it uses some of the same midi tracks. I was super torn between the more exciting sound that I had and my original “vision” for the song, which was a bit more downtempo Lou-Reed inspired. I figured, why not do both?
There's not a whole lot to cover here that I haven't already covered. Mostly the backing vocals, but only because I think I did a worse job with them than the other version. There's nothing outwardly wrong with them per-se, but I think the blend is not good and that's gonna immediately stick out to some people. The middle section just kinda came about because the other version doesn't really have a proper chorus. It just has some guitar noodling. I played around with the chord progression of the middle chorus in the fast version and made something that was a bit more structured, then adapted a melody around it. Harmonies grew out of the melody. I felt like something was missing, so I took that same call and response idea from earlier and applied it here too. I really liked the interplay between the two vocal lines. The “Purify me” line was originally supposed to come up again and again throughout the album. One of the tracks that ALMOST made it would have been the song it was from, and then there would be callbacks to the melody throughout the album. It was kind of like a motif. That was unfortunately completely scrapped and this is the last trace of it. Maybe I'll work the idea into something I do in the future.
I like this song. I realized way too late that it massively rips off The Velvet Underground's Sweet Jane. I guess that “Lou Reed inspired” idea was a little bit too literal. Fortunately I would say the middle section saves it from being too much of a copy. I think it's a good way to start and finish the album. I also like the thematic notions of this album starting with the same track it ends on. Like these things work in cycles and you're never truly free of your own quicksand. Like an Ouroboros eating its own tail, like Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. When one cycle ends, a new begins. The same, but slightly different – until it is completely undermined by the epilogue track that says “no this is actually the end”.
Hey congrats on making it through all of these entries! You may have only read this one, or even skipped to the end. If you did that, disregard that previous sentence and go back to read them. This album was the culmination of a lot of work and thought. 13 of these writeups was nothing compared to probably hundreds of hours spent working on this album, and probably thousands of hours thinking about it. I'm aware few people are reading these writeups, but it's honestly mostly my own indulgence. I gotta decompress this stuff and be free of this album. I can finally get rid of all this useless crap in my brain. I'll probably enjoy being able to go back and read this stuff once I've forgotten most of this, and once I've become a more mature person. I'll probably go “wow this shit is cringe. I can't believe he posted like 22 pages of cringe” but that's okay. The album's okay. I made for certain it was not, in fact, cringe before releasing it. And honestly I enjoyed writing these.
A part of me wants to get back to the freakish pace I had in like 2011 where this blog was nonstop content. I don't think it'd work so well in 2020 Tumblr because who even uses this site anymore? I think it's a little sad because it's pretty much the death of long form posting. Twitter is great because people pay attention to you, but sometimes I just want to write like two thousand words and have some psycho actually read them and respond to it. I think we've lost that on the internet. Sometimes I think of making youtube videos, but I'm no good in front of a camera. Sometimes I wonder, couldn't I just read something like this TO the camera? The answer is no, I can't. That'd be boring. I'm completely convinced nobody would watch that. I sometimes think that if I could add some editing and some visual component though, it'd work out. Some sort of... video essay. Some kind of... man with facial hair and left leaning politics who enjoys media and talks about both... Wow I wonder if that niche has been filled at all?
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lesbiskam · 6 years ago
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A (not so) Simple Analysis of Ele and Edo’s First Date (or why I didn’t hate this clip like I normally do)
I was going to make a “in this essay I will...” thing but then I accidentally wrote the dam essay... whoops :) it’s under the cut
First, I’m going to address the overall vibe I got from Ele, which is super important. Ele seemed very defiant the entire time, which may seem bad, but stick with me. In my opinion, Noora seemed very uncomfortable as soon as she greeted William. It’s almost as if you can feel the power imbalance. Noora has been forced to go on a date with William, and she almost seems scared because of it (almost). However, Ele really seems to hold her own. True, she doesn’t really want to be there, but she doesn’t seem intimidated, she just seems straight up pissed (which is completely understandable). It’s very clear from the start that Edo really has no power over Ele, and every thing she does is her own choice and not because she feels like she has to. (If you don’t see what I’m feeling, then I’m sorry, because I really don’t know how to explain the vibe.)
Now, some people might sit there and think “but why is this little detail so important?” Good news, I can explain that too :) Ele might have said that this wasn’t a real “date” and she might be right, but it that doesn’t mean it isn’t important. This is the first time that Ele and Edo really start to get to know each other. This “fake date” sets up their dynamic for the entire season. In the case of William and Noora, William seems to have far too much power over Noora. Noora also loses her confidence and becomes weak throughout the season. Both of these things start on the very first date. The power dynamic stems from the vibes on the first date, regardless of if it’s fake or real. By making Ele angry instead of (kinda) intimidated, it gives Edo no power over her. Without this power, Ele will not be able to be manipulated as easily. (Edo won’t manipulate her anyway, but that’s besides this point.) This change in the power dynamic lets Ele make her own decisions far more easily, without manipulation, which is crucial to a healthy relationship.
(Also, I don’t know if this was purposeful or just how it ended up. It could just be a coincidence, but it makes a big difference in my eyes.)
But now onto the actual content itself:
Like all the Williams, Edo starts by sharing his memories with Ele. Ele sees this as a tactic to try to win her over and not genuine, but this isn’t necessarily true. Yes, he is doing it to get into Ele’s favor; yes, he probably rehearsed it. But I don’t think these things are particularly bad in this situation. He doesn’t have malicious intent to manipulate or confuse Ele’s feelings, he just wants Ele to understand/like him.
Okay when Edo tries to say he didn’t force Ele? A lie. And we all know this. he blackmailed her into going on the date, and then twists things into his favor, as Ele said. But, thankfully, Ele doesn’t back down on her stance. She does not let Edo’s shitty behavior change her thinking. (I will also say that Edo is not a complete shit because he eventually does agree that he shouldn’t have texted Silvia because she would have seen it as flirting.) (Although, I’ve always thought it was really shitty how “William” thought it was okay to force “Noora” to go on a date, even if it was just honoring a deal.) Anyway, Ele was good about not giving in to Edo’s shitty-ness, which is pretty important imo. By Ele saying that she did it out of love for Silvia instead of liking Edo (and not giving a counter argument to this point), it shows that Ele is the correct one in the situation, which was not the vibe from the OG.
Ele is very sassy and amazing when saying why, exactly, Edo is a shit. And most of these are true. But when she calls him sexist, I disagree. Edo was a major fuck boy in the past, and many people would say this makes him sexist. (Personally, I would classify this behavior as sexist, but as asshole-ish, but that’s irrelevant.) However, I disagree that Edo is sexist. He head-butted a dude for calling a girl a slut. (Ele, however, still sees these actions as wrong, which will inevitably be addressed later in the season.) From a writing standpoint, I don’t think slipping that into the conversation was a coincidence. They (as in the writers) did it on purpose to show that Edo isn’t actually “sexist”, despite displaying sexist/dick-ish behavior in the past.
Now, normally, I hate when “William” compares how he insulted “Vilde” as to when “Noora” insults him, but in Edo’s situation, I understand more of where he’s coming from. The Edo/Ele insult match felt more equal to me. Ele seemed a little bit harsher/ruder and Edo seemed a little less harsh, so this comparison is understandable. I still disagree with Edo, but I understand where he’s coming from and I don’t think he’s being manipulative like William was.
And of course, the dreaded rhetoric about how one comment can’t destroy a person’s self-esteem. There are multiple things I want to address about this whole thing, but the first is that I disagree with the statement, like many people. The right well-placed words can absolutely plant seeds of doubt that spiral into annihilation of one’s confidence. Second, I think it’s important to state how Edo said it was “really difficult” to destroy someone’s confidence with one comment, not impossible. This seems pretty small and trivial, but to me it really shows how Edo is not trying to prove something. He’s not saying “this is how it is, I’m right, and you’re naïve”, he more of saying “this is just how it seems to me”. Third, I need to address how Edo thought about it before he said it. Really thought about it. He was open to discussion. He wasn’t shooting Ele down, he was talking with her. He was just trying to explain himself. Fourth (this is the biggie), I think it’s really important to recognize the context of the situation. Edo did not say anything that should have destroyed Silvia’s confidence, and it didn’t destroy her confidence. (As a refresher, Edo never said Silvia wasn’t good enough, but just asked why she was behind the boy’s bathroom.) The comment was made to make Silvia embarrassed (which is really shitty), and it worked. But it was a short-term embarrassment, not a long-term blow to her self-esteem. So, in Edo’s mind, it would make sense to say that a comment like that shouldn’t destroy someone.
Then, Edo admits it was wrong what he did. He admits that he what he did wasn’t fair to Silvia. Yeah, it was pretty half-assed, but it’s a start. He isn’t perfect, and admitting that he was wrong is a big thing. AND, he didn’t seem to say it just to make Ele like him, he actually seems to recognize that what he did was wrong (god, what a low bar…).
Again, another dreaded rhetoric. He asks Ele to look at the situation from his perspective. Cue eye roll. However I have to say that the way he said it seemed a little better. It felt less like “I’m right and you’re wrong blah blah blah” and more of “I’m not as big of an ass as you think I am”. He only wants Ele to understand where he’s coming from. He just desperately wants Ele to like him. He’s not being manipulative or anything like that. And… I understand his sentiment.
Okay, now let’s just take a long second to appreciate how he didn’t let Ele compliment him when he didn’t deserve it. You know what that is? Growth. As much as he wants Ele’s compliments and praise, he doesn’t want it if he doesn’t deserve it. Ele tries to compliment him on apologizing to Silvia, and but he calls out his behavior anyway. If he just wanted Ele to like him, he wouldn’t bring this up, but now we can see that he actually cares about being a decent person. He doesn’t want to manipulate Ele into thinking he’s a good person, he actually wants to be a better person for Ele (cue the “awwwwww”). He wants Ele to genuinely like him. He wants to actually earn her approval.
And that little “you’re right” “I know” exchange? 10/10. 1) She’s right and he should say it. 2) Gotta acknowledge his growth for admitting that he’s wrong and she’s right. 3) That was really cute (I’ve actually dreamt up this scenario before, so when it actually happened? I lost my shit, guys).
When Edo gets the call, you can see how bad he doesn’t want the date to end. He hangs up once, then apologizes for having to answer. He really just loves being around Ele, even if she’s roasting him. And obviously Ele doesn’t want the date to end either. She runs after him, being all cute and asking what’s wrong.
But then she breaks his Ele-shaped heart by asking if her debt is payed. His little “you don’t owe me anything” is just so painful. He’s just so sad that Ele doesn’t want anything to do with him, and that she only ever saw the little date as something she owed. He wants so badly to mean something to Ele. Remember, he really wants to earn her approval. He tried so hard to show her that he was a better person than he was a year ago. And this probably feels like a stab to the gut to him. After all this, Ele still doesn’t like him. The approval he wants so bad is denied. As a person who constantly seeks other people’s approval, can I just say big oof?
(TL;DR: this date seemed better imo even though the changes were actually minuscule)
((Also, I’m very sorry to those who actually read through all of this, you’re braver than any US marines. This was ridicouly long, repetitive, and unnecessary. And in the longest paragraphs possible. This was ruch a rant...oops.))
(((AND a big thanks to @skamitaliasubs for providing translations <3)))
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aimmyarrowshigh · 5 years ago
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aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”
i checked and it happened in 2015
aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”
i saw that jg post on my feed and i had no energy to comment on it but truly when i saw that you had i felt such relief!! i remember making that one post about stiefvater defending him and telling teenage girls to be quiet and the response to it still fucking haunts me i swear
Oy, was it really that recently? The last three years have taken 900 years. And yeah... Maggie Stiefvater’s post about it was a Really Bad Look, and iirc that was the environment that spawned the beginning of the batshit “Keep YA Kind”* concern-trolling thing (yep, also 2015) that was mainly used to silence girls and women and people of color whenever the four white cishet men in YA fucked up between 2015 and 2018, when it finally publicly came out that most of them were, yk, fucking up because they’re legitimately horrible people and maybe the people calling them out should have been taken seriously.
* The other notable “why the fuck is this happening???? why is HE the one getting the sympathy here?????” events from “Keep YA Kind,” which, listen, I would bet you anything that it was very very nearly called “Keep Kidlit Kind” until the only person involved with 1/4 of a braincell managed to realize the acronym on their Twitter handle looked REALL BAD:
Andrew Smith, a straight white adult man, says out loud with his human adult man mouth, that he knows he can’t write female characters well and relies on fetishization and stereotypes because he never really met a girl until his daughter (??? SO WHAT IS YOUR WIFE, ANDREW? CHOPPED LIVER?) and, being as that is Bullshit and also his books were also being lauded as though they were Infinite fucking Jest Jr. even though the interview in question was for a book in which mutant grasshoppers take over the earth and a teenage boy gets trapped in a bunker with a teenage girl who eventually has to git to birthin’ babies she doesn’t want and isn’t medically prepared to have safely For The Good Of Humanity, he’s called out.
He’s called out mostly on a technical, writing level at first, even! Like, “Here’s how to write a female character: you write a fully considered, well-rounded character. They’re a girl.” And Andrew Smith FLIPS HIS SHIT, does some op-ed about how his mother used to beat him so he can’t see girls as people, and makes his twitter private. The “Keep YA Kind” sycophants support him HARD.
And then this happens to pop up on a mysterious Twitter that just HAPPENS to start while HIS twitter’s offline...
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NOTE: Jay Asher, author of 13 Reasons Why, was literally dropped from his publisher and SCWBI for being a sexual predator. So like, I don’t think he was bullied, I think his predation was being remarked upon. Like, idk, maybe that he was being called creepy or sth idk idk idk
And then when A.S. decided to unsockpuppet to promote his next book, The Alex Crow, which is about mutant crows and a bunker or whatever:
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The “asshole” in specific that Andrew Smith was calling an asshole was delightful human being and fellow author Kate Messner, who, coincidentally, was one of the victims to come out against Lemony Snicket’s sexual harrassment, so she’s had a BULLSHIT time just trying to do her JOB of being an author while female.
Which leads to Tommy Wallach! All-around fucknut! Whose major interest seems to be being That Guy In Philosophy 101 Who Always Has To Be Devil’s Advocate, Even Though No One Asked, and has a deeply vested interest in making sure that teenage girl readers -- who are his target audience, because he chose to write YA, as an adult man who made a choice in what he wrote and chose to make it YA, and not, like, any of the hundreds of genres that AREN’T largely written about and for teenage girls, yk -- know that teenage girls are Dumb. Victoria Schwab actually wrote an essay for YA Books Central about the incessant problem that IS/WAS Tommy Wallach called “We Need To Talk About Tommy” back in -- you guessed it! -- 2016, but it’s offline now and I’m not going to go Wayback it rn.
I’m just going to copypasta YAinterrobang’s Wallach timeline because he’s exhausting, he reminds me of undergrad.
Wallach’s continual pattern of behavior is worth discussing, especially in the context of sexism in YA and the continual marginalization of “diverse” voices in the community despite the efforts of the We Need Diverse Books movement.
Wallach’s problematic behavior runs back over a year, starting with a defense of Andrew Smith where he ignores the opinions of author and advocate Tessa Gratton in favor of a dictionary definition of sexism. (Andrew Smith’s behavior and the fallout around his statements have, of course, already been documented on YA Interrobang in “The Curious Case of Andrew Smith, Twitter & sexism.”) Wallach postures that women are inherently “other” from men, accuses Gratton of “gin[ning]up the controversy” and explains that he is a feminist because he was “raised by a single working mother and she’s still my best friend in the world.”
[View Wallach’s defense of Smith and attack on Gratton as a .pdf.]
Fast forward to later that year. Author Justina Ireland takes to Twitter to discuss a book where she feels the black character is self-hating. Ireland, being black herself, is asked about the book in question; she says that it’s Wallach’s debut novel We All Looked Up. Though Wallach is not tagged, he swoops into the conversation and demands Ireland provide proof that his character Anita is self-hating before claiming that author Dhonielle Clayton, who is also black, is friends with him and “engaged” with him on the issues in the book.
Clayton later stated publicly that she had not done any sensitivity reading on We All Looked Up.
What brought Wallach’s behavior to the attention of the YA world as a whole came this past November in the wake of the horrifying terrorist attacks in Paris. When the hashtag #prayforparis went viral, Wallach responded with multiple social media posts and a blog post about how atheism was the only belief that could make the world a better place. (Though Wallach argues that it is not, in fact, a belief: “The fact that we have a word for it makes it seem like it’s equivalent to other belief systems, but it’s not. The absence of something is not equivalent to the thing itself.”)
[View Wallach’s comments on atheism as a .pdf.]
After Wallach Tweeted that he was a “a rabid atheist, and the world would be a better place if more folk were” – a Tweet he subsequently deleted before deleting his account in its entirety – he doubled down in a block post that outlined all the way religions failed and all the reasons atheism was awesome.
Those who tried to explain to him why this behavior was – to say the least – problematic found themselves quickly blocked or shut down; at once point, Wallach tried to explain anti-Semitism to Jewish author Hannah Moskowitz before claiming that “if [her]parents are atheists and [his]dad is Jewish, [he’s] as much Jewish as [her].”
(For those wondering, Wallach blocked me during this incident despite being friendly with me and having taken my advice previously; while he did believe me in regards to his behavior towards Justina Ireland, which you can see in Tweets above, my snarky comment to him about “the only good people are the people who are exactly like me” was, apparently, too much for him to take. As Wallach’s account has since been deleted and I purged my social media account in January, that interaction is no longer publicly available.)
Take this behavior in comparison to author LJ Silverman, who recently received a sea of anti-Semitic hate mail – including crude manipulated images of her in an oven – for Tweeting that she was worried about the upcoming election in the context of history. Wallach painted himself to be the victim, somebody “attacked” for insulting all of the religious folks in the YA community, while Silverman, who simply shared a worry plaguing her, became a victim of virulent trolls.
While Wallach deleted his social media accounts after this, there were no public consequences to his actions despite ill-will from the YA community at large. If another member of the YA community had spoken out – one of our Catholic or Islamic or Jewish or Mormon authors, for instance – the backlash would have been substantially worse, possibly career-ruining.
Wallach’s career, however, was not ruined; he recently landed a six-figure deal for a book trilogy centered around a “holy war.”
And thus, we return to Wallach’s dismissive comments on suicide – which, it turned out, were neither new or original. In a blog post deleted after it came to light during this discussion, Wallach rated “the top ten literary suicides (organized by emo-ness)” which included all of the characters of HBO’s Girls – “It’s really just a fantasy of mine.” – and, ranking at number one, Sylvia Plath – who is not a character but a real person who suffered from depression before taking her own life at a young age.
[View Wallach’s post on suicide as a .pdf.]
“I’m only going to talk about the fact that a successful YA author found it appropriate to glorify, romanticize, and mock what for many of his readers is among the highest causes of death,” wrote Schwab in her “We Need To Talk About Tommy” post. “That this author could be so very careless and flippant and insensitive about such a very serious issue is abhorrent. That two years after penning this post he still sees suicide as something to be made light of, to be used as a marketing tool.”
Simon & Schuster made no public comment about any of Wallach’s comments. His career, save for making enemies of some fellow authors, seems relatively unscathed by his callous actions.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, like, if you wanna read books by straight white dudes, go for it, but check them out from the library. Spend your book-buying money on books by women, nonbinary/other folks, and dudes who aren’t straight and/or white. Straight white men, PARTICULARLY in categories of literature that are largely targeted towards girls and women, and largely written by girls and women -- but published, edited, and marketed by other straight white men -- are lauded FAR above what they’re actually worth, as like, storytellers or human people go.
The Glass Escalator is a one-way trip to wonderland, but YA is a skyscraper that was built by women and I PROMISE you, whatever book by one of these dudes you’re considering reading, there’s a better version by a woman and/or person of color on the shelves nearby that just didn’t get 1/10th of the marketing money.
And of course there should be an effort to be kind on social media, but “keep YA kind”... to whom? To the people who were being silenced when they were pointing out legitimate problems with the behaviors of men in social power? (And one of whom, in the case of Jay Asher, was LITERALLY DANGEROUS BC HE IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.) Like, really? There had to be a hashtag campaign to silence dozens of people with legitimate, not-bullying-just-pointing-out-problems-that-are-problems-with-stuff-you-did-dude problems, to make social media feel more comfortable for four middle-aged straight white men?
As though the outside world isn’t comfortable enough for middle-aged straight white men????
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