#fucked up that making ship art as much as i have recently has actually made me better at drawing head angles and poses interacting. hhh

[ghostpajamas]

wait what the fuck i forgot i had these

[emma-is-swaggy-and-epic]

Expanding on my MLP next gen AU "shipping is magic" except i let too many ideas marinate in my head at once and now my wrist hurts from drawing so much :)

BASES USED:

X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X

I would say "ships and lore under the cut" but tumblr ALWAYS likes to fuck up my post layout whenever i post SPECIFICALLY MLP base art for some reason soooo.......idk

As some of you may know: i included fluttershy x tree hugger into my next gen but recently i've decided that in this AU: fluttershy is actually now in a polycule with tree hugger and quarter hearts (that one background pony that looks like link from the legend of zelda) because i saw it be included in one of dragonairlover (or SodaSurfer97, depending on where you follow it)'s old youtube videos back when it did next gen requests for people as part of someone's next gen and i really liked that idea so i included the ship in mine, the mostly-yellow pony with the triforce necklace is named canary crescent (he/him) and he's the son of all three (biologically, i mean) while the blue-haired pony next to him is named navi (she/her) and she's just flutter and quarter's kid. Obviously, navi is based on navi the fairy from the actual zelda games though i wanna say that she's got some inspiration from the blue fairy from pinocchio as well

The next five are gonna take a while to explain....so y'know how i had two lunacord kids already? Well....i decided to expand it into 7 and base them all on the 7 deadly sins because i thought it'd be cool (the ones i already made represent pride and sloth now), the pink one represents lust and is named "after dark" (she/her), the red one represents wrath and is named "wild side" (which TOTALLY isn't because i had the beastars opening theme which coincidentally is also titled "wild side" stuck in my head while drawing, what are you even TALKING about!??!?....anyway, she/her) The purple one represents greed and is named "hypebeast bling" (god, remember when hypebeasts were a thing? He/him) the brown one represents gluttony and is named "midnight snack" (they/he) and lastly the blue one represents envy and is named cendrillon (who TOTALLY isn't named after the vocaloid song AT ALLLL!!!!!! She/her) cendrillon wants to be like her older siblings, thus why she's envy

These next ones: well....idk how many people know of this nowadays, but when the episode "baby cakes" first came out, people theorized that rarity ALSO had a baby in that episode alongside mrs cake because in the opening scene: she was seen looking at a baby with a VERY similar color palette to her. I actually really like that theory so i decided to incorporate that into my next gen, with rarity having a kid with stony pony before eventually getting with braeburn and having rosemary and having to give the kid up for adoption because she couldn't take care of her (and also because stony's a fucking deadbeat lmao) ......so yeah, i named her heloise (she/her) and she's very spiritual and cool......probably has an AWESOME crystal collection. The blue pony next to her is named "birthday cake" and she's pound and pumpkin cake's younger sister. Lastly there's prince corium, chrysalis and tirek's 14-year-old son. I imagine that he's not really evil in the same way his parents are, but he's moreso an edgy fuck who thinks saying slurs and making fun of furries is peak comedy....also he has some SERIOUS beef with pastel dream (my flashlight kid from another post)

Moving onto equestria girls, i didn't want it to JUST be the next gen from the pony universe but just in the EG universe so i decided to be a little creative. So for EG's mane 5 we have rarity and applejack's identical twin daughters praline punch (who's a graphiti artist and is into amekaji) and frou-frou (who's super ditzy and into hime gyaru), fluttershy and bulk biceps' daughter sunny sunflower, sci-twi and sunset shimmer's daughter pasadena (who has a crush on sunny and TOTALLY isn't named after pasadena from crash bandicoot I SWEAR!!!!) And flash sentry and timber spruce's daughter happy camper (who is a trans girl, but is still a lil early into her transition and she's into cryptozoology)

[poupeesdecirque]

Posting by Queue, or: why I need some distance from my crafts

It has been some time since my last hobby meta blog entry, it had different reasons and one is that I need distance. Like, yes I of course enjoy crafting and sometimes I am like a little child that runs everywhere to show off things.

But it got ... less intense. And I learned I do better when I keep projects or at least details to myself to sit on them for longer. That the first euphoria is purely mine and not to be shared.

Like for my photos I have a buffer of several weeks now. Yes, I know past-me would have kind of hated that. But I learned I do better when I have a time buffer. I do take photos weekly but sometimes they don't feel special enough to get the weekly photo feature?

Friday & yesterday I went out for photos and while I like the ones from yesterday way more than the ones from friday I am not sure if the set from yesterday will get the feature or not as it's only a hand full of photos giving me that certain spark.

Other than that I am a very emotional artist, I sometimes really fuck up my art and hate it at the moment I worked on it, but then, sometimes, after a few days or weeks I can look at it and just wonder about what was my problem the day I made it.

Another thing is that I, myself, enjoy my art. The process of it. And I like to see my blog updating, sometimes I forget what post will go online and then I check the blog and think "ah yes, this was that thing!", and it reminds me why I made the blog overall, to show myself I had progress and that every tiny step counts.

Which leads to another reason why I hold back in regards of posting. Yes, I do share some snippets in my stories over on insta but not always and not all. I sit on over 300 drawings from the last two years alone nobody ever will see, I enjoyed drawing but it's nothing for the public eye. I will maybe go back and redraw some and share the redraws then, who knows?

But wait, there is actually more reasons.

The biggest or main reason is ... i sometimes go really wild on projects. In January I finished so many dolls it was insane, I worked on Cosplays and other crafts in an incredible speed, I have literally no idea where I found the time but I somehow did and doll parts arriving every week did the rest.

I keep the blog running with partially 2 month old stuff but .... to be honest I don't have doll stuff aside photos to do anymore. All I can do is wait for bodies to be shipped (or dolls even) and arrive. There has been no movement since January. Aside Iza getting the shipping notice for our Split, might take a while until its at her place and I can't really start on the Akuma until I got the body (which I at least have finally ordered this month) as colors need to be matched and mods to be made.

I am truly itchy to do something else than sewing all the time, I do enjoy cosplay but you know how much I like sewing (hint: not at all). So to remind myself of the fun I had in the past weeks I have mixed my blog to bless me with some progress I had which was maybe not sewing all the time. And well, the Cosplays have deadlines and I do get some ideas aside purely sewing while doing them, so that keeps me going for now.

Yes, I could start redoing dolls like Alastor or Erwin. But you know what? IT'S ALMOST ALL SEWING. Urgh.

Aside that real life is pretty good at eating me up and I just want to enjoy crafting. Right now drawing feels like stress relief but I hate the results and just scan the pieces and put them away to never look at them again, I have a bunch of posts queued up without any captions, a wip entry of a current project only has two photos but I lack the spoons to actually get them done. But since those posts are so far back it's fine (yes I know drafts are a thing).

In general I enjoy having my art to myself to get used to it before I put it out into the wild as I just recently got reminded I do bad with direct comparisons still and it hits some triggerpoints from the past and makes everything harder, I don't need that.

I literally have no idea if this blog makes sense even, lol. I just am tired of sewing and stopped working on my current project around lunch time and have drawn so much today and I walked way too much the whole week my friends urged me to stay the ef home and at least try to relax. But I'm restless as my body is too stressed (I know it all I'm a certified relaxation trainer so eh), so, have an over the place blog entry.

[flecks-of-stardust]

expanding on the shipping thing, especially since i made that shipping tagging request recently, like. i don't have an issue with shipping, whatever that... even really means, because to be honest i don't even fully know what people use it to mean. like seriously, when someone says they're a 'shipper' i literally do not understand what exactly they're referring to, because there are so many ways you can 'ship' something.

romantic relationships between characters can be interesting and incredibly so. artihunter, as an example from rain world, has a lot of interesting directions you can take narratively, irrespective of whether you take it in a romantic direction or in a platonic direction or a familial direction or what have you. the tragedy of loving someone you know you're going to lose; having to confront the idea that despite all your flaws, someone still loves you for who you are; mourning and grieving and ultimately moving on with someone who just Gets It at your side; etc etc etc, artihunter can be so interesting, and it's nice to see when artists tap into that. and the same can be said about a lot of other ships probably, rain world or otherwise.

and this isn't to say that shipping—romantic, platonic, whatever, but let's be real we're mostly talking romantic here—that isn't narratively weighty, ie stuff that's just 'these two characters are invested in each other lives and there's nothing more to it,' that's not Bad. that's not boring. sometimes that too can have narrative weight, and i like it. like, i'm not opposed to shipping, if that's how it comes off sometimes. i just like stories, ones that explore concepts and themes, regardless of what the medium may be. if it's told from the perspective of characters who are romantically invested in each other, sure, cool. i am okay with that. just in general, shipping doesn't have to have. like. story, or narrative significance or whatever to be 'good.'

i just. i don't fucking care for a lot of it. it's not interesting to Me. before i started mass blocking ship tags i would see a lot of art that was kind of just the same thing over and over again, like character A doing some classic romantic thing with character B and it's. that's it. it's not new and there's no story and the point of it is that these two characters are romantically interested in each other and i don't. care. i really, really don't. some people enjoy it! it's really interesting to other people! and that's fine! i can't say i haven't occasionally looked at ship art and smiled at the characters being cute. it was made with care and passion and it shows.

my problem with ship content in general is the oversaturation of ship content in fandom. i can't say how much there is since i have so many tags blocked, but i'd be willing to bet that it's at least 50% of all content made for a particular piece of media. which... is disheartening, you know. especially as an aromantic person. i have to sift through so fucking much shit that doesn't interest me and has no relevance to me to find something that's actually interesting. to an extent it makes me kind of bitter because it feels like most people just run to make romantic headcanons of the characters for the sake of shipping, and then devote their time into doing just that. that's probably a gross exaggeration of how a lot of people are, but at times that's really how it feels. there's so much fandom content, so much community content, that just... is not relevant to me at all. it gets alienating.

i don't really have a point to make with this post, a lot of this is just me rambling because i'm up way too late, but. i dunno. just thoughts. i don't actually mind shipping. i just wish more of the ship content i could see has more. story weight to it i guess. because then i actually have something to be invested in.

it makes me sad having all these tags blocked, honestly. i miss out on so much art. which is part of the problem. do you get it?

[girl4music]

Thanks for tagging me @danielleitloudernow

10 songs I’ve listened to recently.

Well, I’ve been listening to this WayHaught playlist I made on Spotify pretty much constantly so all of the songs I’ve been listening to recently are either from scenes in ‘Wynonna Earp’ with Waverly and Nicole in or from fanmade WayHaught videos on YouTube. I’m pretty obsessed with this WLW/queer couple at the moment. They’re the best WLW/queer representation I’ve seen in TV art/entertainment since Xena and Gabrielle and they really remind me of them.

I really like their physically and emotionally intimate scenes because there is a lot of narrative build up and foundation behind them. This isn’t something you always get with WLW/queer ships if both characters in it are not main characters in the show. So a lot of intimate scenes between WLW/queer ships in TV art/entertainment just happen with no rhyme or reason for them to. And therefore they look extremely forced and contrived because of it. This doesn’t ever happen with Waverly and Nicole. There’s always rhyme or reason for why they are as intimate as they are - both in a physical and emotional context - and it just makes their relationship so real and authentic. I am always absolutely enraptured in watching their intimate scenes and a huge factor as to why is because of the music they chose to play over those intimate scenes.

1. Sam Smith - Fire On Fire

Not actually in the show but in my favourite fan video.

2. The Casket Girls - Secular Love

This song plays during WayHaught’s first meeting.

3. Fleurie - Wildwood

This song plays the first time WayHaught make out and decide to become an official but private couple.

4. IMUR - Breathless

This song plays during a make out scene between WayHaught - leading to their first time having sex off-screen. There’s a conversation between them showing that it is important for Nicole that Waverly truly and fully consented to having sex with her because it was Waverly that was initiating it and Nicole wanted to be sure that she was sure in going all the way with her. And by the gods after all the shit I’ve watched involving violations of consent between WLW/queer ships, I really fucking appreciated this great scene.

5. STACEY - First Move

This song plays when WayHaught are about to be sexually intimate after Waverly was possessed by a demon and Nicole asks her whether the other times that they were sexually intimate while she was under its possession were actually her and what was real and Waverly reassures her that every time was all her and that it was all real because she remembers everything that happened between them whereas she couldn’t remember everything when she was possessed by it. Again, the notion of consent there is very appreciated.

6. Robyn Dell’Unto - Common

This song plays when WayHaught get sent into an alternate Universe where there’s no Wynonna and they never got together. Waverly walks in with Nicole’s lunch at the police station and she sits on her desk. We see it all happening in slow motion from Nicole’s perspective because Nicole has a huge crush on Waverly who is about to be married to a guy. She has this big dumb expression on her face that entirely gives her away but Waverly is completely oblivious. And it’s just a very adorable scene between them that makes you see that they’re destined to be together.

7. Adaline - Ghost

This song plays during WayHaught’s first and only on-screen sex scene. It’s a really beautifully done scene that has so much narrative build up, foundation and emotion behind it because they have been separated from each other for a really long time. Well, it’s a really long time for Nicole, who experienced the separation as long as 18 months, 3 weeks and 4 days. It’s very emotional to watch the scene bearing this in mind and the two actors that portray WayHaught did it justice not only because of their insane chemistry but also because they choreographed the scene themselves.

8. SEIL LIEN - It’s Love That Brought You Here

This song plays during a scene where WayHaught are kissing on the bed and Waverly tells Nicole that while they were separated, an evil entity tried to pretend to be Nicole and fool Waverly. And when Nicole gets concerned, Waverly tells her nothing happened between them and even if it did, she’d have known immediately that it wasn’t the real Nicole because she knows every inch of Nicole’s body and how it responds to her touch. She then asks Nicole if she could tell her about her year and a half but Nicole is in her own mind and therefore isn’t present with Waverly because she’s so distracted with the anxiety that they’re in danger from monsters that have been trying to get into the Homestead since Waverly was separated from her. It’s a very poignant scene showing how much more difficult and traumatic the separation was for Nicole.

9. Desiree Dawson - All In

This song plays during a WayHaught engagement scene. There is another engagement scene but it was during a looming and inevitable apocalypse where Waverly proposed to Nicole and it wasn’t appropriate so they redid it. Even though this engagement scene was supposed to be a double proposal (Waverly to Nicole/Nicole to Waverly), Waverly asks Nicole to just let her propose alone because she wanted to in the first place and Nicole consents. And it’s a really well written and performed scene where you could see the actors felt real emotion because it mattered to them.

10. Lindsey Ray - Won’t Let Go

This song plays during WayHaught’s wedding, which is in the final episode of the show. In fact, the entire episode pretty much is all about WayHaught getting married. It’s not just the main narrative of the episode, it’s also the main narrative backbone behind the entire season because not only did both main WLW/queer characters survive to the end of the show, they were also endgame as a committed main WLW/queer ship and this was celebrated by them getting married and having the whole season revolve around that as a main narrative - wrapping the main narrative around the characters rather than the other way around as all character-centric genre shows should do. This hasn’t, doesn’t and likely will never happen again. It is absolutely groundbreaking that they achieved this. Especially in a time in TV art/entertainment when it was either Bury your Gays or Bury your Gay show. I know that it’s because it was a reward to the fans that fought so fucking hard for a final fourth season. Just that very fact makes me love this song all the more.

We certainly won’t let go because we deserve to be seen, heard and represented in TV art/entertainment just as much as the straight characters and straight observers are! We deserve main narratives! We deserve to live! We deserve to be happy! We deserve to be in love! We deserve to be treated as equals! Not killed off! Not cancelled! Not queer-baited! Not Man-Inserted! And not made to feel as less than deserving!

The creators/cast/crew for ‘Wynonna Earp’ did WLW/queer representation completely right and I’m in awe!

(Btw - I only put “/queer” because Dom identifies as non-binary and even if their character is female, I still feel it’s respectful to acknowledge this about them.)

[fg083nrt]

What ships from Naruto do you like, except Kakuhida? I'm asking out of curiosity :)

Also your art makes me want to eat tables!!! RAAH!!!!! (/pos)

This is a surprisingly loaded question because I have so many and some of them span for almost 20 years now.

Also, as usual, disclaimer, since I've seen all the ship wars and holywars, THESE ARE ALL PERSONAL OPINION. PERSONAL OPINION ONLY.

(endless yapping below the cut)

In the past:

My first ship when I was 12 was Pain/Konan, and I think that was the first smut I've ever read like period. I was a big cheerleader of Hinata and Naruto/Hinata because I liked that Hinata just minded her business and stayed in her lane while everyone else was going thru shit (Team 8 had the best work-life balance, I think, they just clocked in and clocked out, no shenanigans). Obviously, Temari/Shikamaru and I loved Neiji/Tenten. I think as a kid these were like really fun dynamics. Once the anime reached the Akatsuki I was all over the Akatsuki LMAO.

But now, as a grown adult, I am almost 99% just KKHD, and Akatsuki ships are like the default absolute truth to me, but recently, I've been obsessed with more Naruto Yuri.

Love Ino/Sakura for that double-income spy who owns a secret flower shop/doctor dynamic; it's just nice. Like I am a firm believer that they could have solved their differences by scissoring or something. Also like, I think their backstory is like an insane missed opportunity (but what's written cannot be unwritten, so whatever) because these pages made me feel like I was reading some kind of josei backstory. Like, go ahead and read these pretending this is not from Naruto, and tell me where do u think this could be from.

Like "pussy from a girl who treats you like a small stupid animal (good until psychic damage hits)"

Like, I would be like, this is either a shoujo manga, or the next page is older Sakura crying in the kitchen with a photo of Ino or something, and then by the end of the story, they, like fuck in the field or something while Sakura is like "I can't believe my toxic female friend from school has 4 fingers up my pussy!", but this could just be projecting, but I still like the ship. On a serious note, Sakura being a crybaby who was picked on would have been a fun opportunity to play with her character and create more empathy for Naruto within her, but her role was more like tying the two characters together, which worked well, but lots of people were salty, but it pushed people to support her character more so it evens out.

Tsunade/Shizune is like my next super fave, especially after rewatching the Tsunade arc. Tsunade's character is just so well done when it comes to how people cope with grief by doing destructive things, I loved it; Kishimoto is fantastic at mature story beats like this weaved between magical ninja fights. But yeah I loved their dynamic like Shizune is essentially her attendant/pet girl/assistant who is extremely loyal to her, but also nagging in a way and also Shizune is just very animated and kinda dorky while Tsunade is a calm mommy- sorry a mature rich woman of status who needs to be taken care of (nearly blacked out writing this). Their back and forth is just chef kiss, too. Honestly, I think that's my favourite Naruto arc; the first part of Naruto is great when it comes to mundane details that I now have more appreciation for.

Their auntie banter!

GODDDDD THAT WAS SO LIKE IT HURTS SEEING OTHERS LIVING THE LIFE YOU DREAM OF

And obviously still love Temari/Shikamaru! I loved that Shikamaru was always very tsundere and going on about how much he hates girls, but deep down is actually like, "Me when a bad bitch tells me to do anything." it's a satisfying way to play with his "character flaw". Seeing him go soft on Temari was like a mini character arc within his already happening character arc during Sasuke's pursuit, like we saw him grow up twice, great stuff!

The entire chapter 235 is just an amazing growth for Shikamaru in elevating the like "men/women" way of thinking to like "what makes a person who they are" way of thinking I really love that. The character is also a great reminder for those afraid of failing btw.

Kakashi/Iruka is my fave, 50% from a historical standpoint; the fact that you can find Kakairu fanfic on Geocities from 2001, and I have some doujins in my collection that are more than 20 years old now is fascinating to me. Love how incredibly loyal the Japanese fans are to Iruka; these guys were holding onto hope for so many years till the Pain arc and then, boom, Studio Pierrot's final Naruto arc!!! It's just incredible fandom history. I love that kinda stuff, love the ship itself too, it's very homey to me, some of the legendary fic they had was fantastic, like entire book's length, incredibly loyal fans.

[kinghijinx22]

So I recently finished Halo Infinite and I loved it, my thoughts on peak modern Halo

So I just finished Halo Infinite and it was fucking amazing. My favorite of the 3 Halo games I played recently, and one of my favorites overall I think, especially narratively. A genuinely moving experience that takes some of the best aspects of 343's previous games in Halo 4 and Wars 2 and even pretty much corrects the story fuck ups with Cortana in 5 and manages to even turn them into something positive. From Halo Wars 2 it takes the amazing new antagonists in the Banished, the classic Halo inspired art direction, and the fun that I felt from Wars 2 with our new AI and Pilot friends being super endearing and even bringing more personality out of Master Chief then I think he's ever shown maybe next to Halo 4.

And speaking of Halo 4, what Halo Infinite takes from that game is the more personal and emotional writing, with this game also acting as a very effective introspection into good ol John Halo, Cortana and even our new AI and pilot friends. And when I say that this game actually managed to take Halo 5's trash story and do something positive with it, they actually run back the complete villainizing of her motives of… wanting world peace and her own autonomy, even if they try to explain that she killed a bunch of people but I honestly still think that anyone opposing her was probably the type of violently fascist asshole she was calling out anyway. But they do actually express a lot more empathy for her perspective in Halo Infinite, throughout the story they explore John's grief over loosing Cortana beautifully and you eventually find out that she had sacrificed herself to make things right and destroyed a part of the Halo ring to stop the Banished from using it as a weapon. In the end, she leaves some last messages to John, telling him how happy he made her and that she wished for him and his new AI friend to not make the same mistakes she did before saying goodbye one final time which just made me break down in tears.

In the end we also find out the name of our pilot, Fernando Esparza, and he asks our AI friend for her name. So earlier in the game it's said that she was created to help catch Cortana, she comes to the realization that it's because she is a copy of Cortana, made from the same original programming but the thing is, she still very much develops into her own person with her personality and identity and just like Cortana, at the very end of the game gets to choose her own name WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED FOR THE END OF HER ARK but then they DONT TELL YOU WHAT SHE CHOSE WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! That part was disappointing and I'm hoping so hard it's not Cortana because that would just completely ruin both the idea of her being her own person and John moving on. I've read people online mentioning that Cortana was named after some historic sword, and so were suggesting Joyeuse for our new AI friend which is also a historic sword and it can be shortened to Joy which would just be perfect for her more optimistic and fun personality. In fact I love Joy as her name so much that I will use that for convenience until she is officially given a name.

So before I talk about Chief and Joy more, I just have to mention that I also really love the ark for Fernando as well, who early on is a contrast to Joy's YEYEYE over Chief's wild plans by being the NONONO person, which you find out later might be because he's not actually a pilot but or solider at all and was actually just doing volunteer work on that human ship from the start and stole a Pelican when the Banished attacked. He stole it and ran which is why he's developed this intense imposter syndrome and feels so bad that after one of the levels, when you return to him he breaks down and explains everything, saying that Chief should just leave him with the garbage of the ship graveyard. But Chief in this moment shows a lot of empathy, telling him that everybody makes mistakes but that he has to keep going, and reassuring him that everything will be ok and, I just really love the Master Chief being this super inspiring figure that everyone can turn to. I mean that's always been the case but, seeing more intimate moments like this is just really sweet.

So Joy and Fernando both get great arks, but something else I really appreciated about this game is what it does for Master Chief as a character. Much like Halo 4 he gets a bit of analysis into who he is a person, but this game arguably does it even better and is able to give John a happier ending. Even if it doesn't necessarily offer solutions to everything he's got going on, it does at least shine a light on certain things. Something I was critical of John for in Halo 5 was his inability to see past his narrow view of the world, labeling anything he can't quickly understand as "dangerous" which is a very direct pipeline to deranged bigotry and refusal to understand other people because it's easier to be negative and Halo 5 never really called him out on this, unlike Halo Infinite. Infinite actually addresses this, with Joy calling out how pessimistic and close minded he is. Later on Fernando questions why John is so often able to kill things and risk his life which he bluntly just responds with that "it's all I know." Even later I think Joy brings up something similar to which John replies that "maybe that's my programming." Which is actually a perfect way of putting it, indoctrination and conditioning is literally a human equivalent of "programming" and John was abducted into the military at a young age and has literally been conditioned to be a killing machine who always follows orders and never asks questions. And it's what the fascists of the right wing are still trying to do children, passing on their irrational hate of minorities and woman while burning any learning resources to help understand and empathize with those people. They are grooming children into being hateful bigots like they are, essentially trying to create another generation of little nazis and maintain their cishet white man supremicist agenda. So exploring that sort of topic with Master Chief, about human programming, having a narrow view of the world and learning to have an open mind to new things and unlearn the harmful things, it's very topical and much appreciated. And Joy and Fernando are able to get Master Chief to open up and self reflect, especially his new AI bestie Joy and it has a noticeably positive effect on him. They also bring more personality out of Chief than I think he's ever had.

Halo Infinte has some of the most emotional storytelling and best character work in the series, and while the villains don't get the same amount of depth, The Banished are still great antagonists for this story. Something I have to mention though is that in my previous post, I mentioned that I couldn't believe Atriox was dead because they set him up perfectly as a villain for Chief to overcome and killing him off screen would have been ridiculous. Well the good news is that he doesn't die which they reveal at the last minute in a post credits scene, the bad news is that he obviously doesn't really show up again in this game. The Banished think he died and this new Jiralhanae Esscharum takes over who is pretty cool as well although I'm excited for Artiox to come back. Esscharum though, he's well built up throughout this game and this is where I have to talk about the last few levels leading up to his boss fight. The Road gives you a final tank in a fittingly epic final vehicle battle in a big ass hallway, and then the House of Reckoning is such a cool idea that's reminiscent of… I guess Lucas from Resident Evil 7 is a good example? The "putting you through a bunch of deadly trials while I talk shit" type of section, and I really like idea of these trials taking place in an obstacle course where the Banished were trained to kill humans. Which is then followed up by a fight with one of the coolest characters and best boss fights in the game, the right hand Sanghelli of Esscharum Jega 'Rdomnai. An unapologetically edgy Sanghelli with black armor, a red energy sword in one hand and a red wrist blade on the other and I love him so much. He stealths around a lot with his active camo, popping in and out and he's got some sick moves, very cool. Then after that you finally get your boss fight with Esscharum who is much more up front, big and carrying a portable turret that he swaps out for a special red energy gravity hammer in his final phase. That's right, it's a multi phase fight where in his second phase he gets an energy shield that you have to disrupt up shooting these wires that are giving it to him and then he busts out his hammer, it's a very fun multi layered fight. I forgot to mention but Esscharum had captured Fernando before this, so you rescue him and then get a nice moment of Chief showing some empathy for his enemy, explaining that even he despite being on the opposing side was fighting for something he thought was right which again is just more humanity then Chief often shows.

For the final level Chief, Joy and Fernando go after our final boss, main antagonist and brand new character for this series or at least for the games because I'm not familiar with the books, Xalanyn or as she is better known the Harbinger. So before I mentioned that this game adds a lot of it's own interesting aspects on top of the best stuff from 343's previous games and Xalanyn is one of them. She is said to be from an ancient race that seems to be mostly gone except for her, and they seem to have an old rivalry with the other ancient race of the Forunners and so she's not really a fan of a lot of what they built including the Halo super weapons. I believe she teamed up with the Banished to help them wipe out the humans and make this Halo ring their new home if they also help her revive the rest of her people, who I believe have only been known as The Endless. So the Harbinger is a pretty cool new antagonist for this game, and the fight with her is pretty great as well. Her and another boss I'm going to mention in a bit were the only completely unique bosses in the game, and she's a lot of fun to fight with her cool moveset of fireballs, teleports and melee, fighting other enemies in between round while you shut off the various things, genuinely tough fight that took me a few attempts and was fun.

Which leads me to talking about a few of the other cool new things in this game, one of them being the boss fights in general. Which I mentioned in my previous post, but now that I've finished the game I can say that they were consistently good throughout. I mean, none of them are the best in the video games but I mean good for first person shooters and especially for Halo. Another boss and character that I haven't had the opportunity to mention before now is the Oracle in this game, or specifically the second of 2 Oracles. The first Oracle you don't get to have much time with before she is killed by Xalanyn, but the second is friendly at first but becomes hostile once he learns that Chief is going to stop him from rebuilding the ring and you end up having to fight this robot twice. He is the other unique boss fight in this game and is also pretty fun, much more fun then fighting Guity Spark in Halo 3. Instead of just being a little ball, he becomes a park of this bigger robot that has a bunch of guns and shields on it with the red glowing guns being the weak points and you end up having to fight him twice. Super fun boss, and as a character he contributes a lot to the themes of this game as well, about what we choose and what is inherent, what has been programmed into use and choosing our own identity. This Oracle is clearly just following his programming of protecting the Halo ring the entire time and much like Guilty Spark, I feel sympathy for him because this wasn't something he chose, these feelings aren't his but were given to him by someone else and he clearly hasn't developed his own personality and opinions like Cortana for example was able to do.

Other new things were stuff that I also mentioned in my previous post, but the grapple hook really is the coolest thing added to Halo since ever that adds a lot of new layers to the combat. The thing is thought that you get new stuff replaces the grapple hook later one, and while you do carry them all and swap between them, swapping between them takes too long for my liking and nothing else is as universally helpful or cool as the grapple hook and I literally never used anything else. Another interesting new addition is the open world, which pretty much took the second and fourth levels of Halo 1 and made it into the whole game. Which is a cool idea, the large environments and open ended environments with a bunch of side missions are an interesting change of pace and in the middle of the game you do get some main missions that involve going around to various place to blow up big guns or activate these beacons which you can do in any order which is cool. BUT this is where my biggest complain of this game comes in and it's the only big one I have, but the lack of environmental diversity. It's nothing but grass and mountains outside and grey Forunner rooms inside which is easily the least amount of environment diversity in the series and towards the end of the game, I'll admit that I was getting sick of looking at this game and wanted it to end. While the core gameplay is a lot of fun, this game gets very repetitive by the second half and the samey environments do not help that. I think having at least a snow biome would have helped a lot, maybe a spooky swamp like in the sixth level of Halo 1 or a desert like in the 6th level Halo 3.

All around though I really enjoyed my time with Halo Infinite, a really fun game with a genuinely moving story that that some very compelling things with both familiar and new characters. Seriously Chief, Joy and Fernando are a great best friend trio. One of the better Halo games in my opinion and overall the best 343 game. A big step in the right direction and in the future I would like to see more narrative and character complexity like Infinite, 2 and 4, maybe not bring back the open world but if they do PLEASE have more environmental diversity, and I honestly think 343 has mastered the core gameplay so just have more weapons and vehicles and enemies to fight. Also PLEASE do something with Atriox, let Master Chief finally get his rematch.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I vibe with hyperfixating w/ characters. To varying degrees I’ve fixated on: Armin from AOT for a while, 1D had a DEATH GRIP on me for a few years, (SEVEAL book characters through my teen years)I had an Alucard from castlevania fixation for maybe 3 ish years (‘ending’ only recently) and now Hobes lives in my head rent free ngl.

I get the “being sad cuz you can’t meet them” part, I’ve felt it. I try to not daydream TOO much cuz otherwise it takes over my life and I’m doing a considerable effort to live OUT of my own head, but BOI do I LOVE just daydreaming about my blorbos of choice.

I don’t speak too much about it (mostly the daydreaming) cuz to an extent it feels like a “me thing” (like something I don’t wanna share with anyone cuz it’s special to me), but if given the chance I DO info dump on my fixations.

I don’t think it’s cringe, not at all. These things are stuff that helps us process the world and our experiences with it. I believe everyone has sensitive weird shit that they don’t talk about, but if there’s something Ive learned is that we hardly ever have completely unique experiences. Most people just hide their oddness. Fandom being a prime example of how much our blorbos can mean to us. I think it’s okay and normal. (Until it goes overboard and people send idk violent messages to others because they headcanon something differently idk, the unreasonable stuff imo)

Can’t believe our of everything people would dare to make JOY and INTEREST the things with negative connotations. Being mean should be cringe, being a bully should be embarrassing. But unashamedly enjoying stuff?? That’s wonderful.

Anyone too embarrassed of their own vulnerability that they deal with it by making others feel bad about their interests are the most immature out if all of us.

Joy is everything that’s good with the world.

Even just seeing the letter 1D makes me wanna scream (in a good way!!) cause it takes me back to high school lol 1D was a bit older than me so my grade had Mindless Behaviour (does anyone remember them, where they even popular) but I remember the days where 1D was like the definition of summer songs

And I can totally understand the 'me thing'. Like I never really spoke about it but I felt like I knew my daydreams were more substantial or vivid than the 'average person' so to say.

Or when I spoke about characters to other people, I understood that neurotypicals likes characters, but they often didn't see them as fully formed 'persons' in the way I do - as to say, they didn't speculate or see emotional backstory, connections, or their behavior the way I did.

I never really shared any of my daydreams because like - I can't even get into it that's like asking someone to explain Star Wars to someone who doesn't even know space travel exists.

I grew up in a time on the internet where self-inserts and OC were seen as cringe, and someone would be very quick to call out 'Mary-Sue's (or flawless OCs) whenever they could.

It's not like that now - but in juxtaposition to canon x canon shipping, that bias is still there I feel like. Like it, as a work of fandom art has less 'value' that art or fics of canon only characters

It kinda bums me out still.

I think OC and daydreams and self-indulgent inserts are all the best part of fandom because it's the purest way of fans connecting with content on a personal level.

I'm happy that I see more people pushing back on that lately. Like after years of seeing people viciously hate furries when most of them seem like very nice, fun people, it's refreshing for people to be like 'nah, actually this thing is cool. and im gonna spend of time and/or money on this thing cause i makes me happy;

like you remember when the new Star Wars movie trailers came out and that dude reacted to it and he was moved to tears and people made fun of him??

yeah fuck everyone else that dude knows whats up.

Like yes, openly cry to your faves. Fantasize deep meaningful daydreams that help you process your feelings. Draw your OC with them, or learn every single thing their is to know about them.

That's why I wanted to talk about this. Because I've never heard it spoken about before. Maladaptive daydreaming, yes - and that can be harmful. But I hardly ever hear people talk about the basic mundane experience of it - or even how it can enrich our lives and help us emotionally develop of neurodivergent people.

When I think of it that way, it's something that makes me happy. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe it fully, and that's the point. Our stories are private to us, not because theyre embarrassing, but because they're so us that to even describe it would like describing a new world top to bottom

I love it. It's what makes humans humans.

[duckingwriting]

Summer Reading/Writing/Arting

Thanks to @eponymoussquared for the tag! 

I’ve had so much going on recently and I’m behind my tag games but I’m hoping to catch up.

Rules: Follow the directions in bold.

No pressure tagging: @rachaellawrites, @ghost-town-story,  @late-to-the-fandom, @jowritesfanfiction, @author-a-holmes, @raevenlywrites and anyone else who'd like to do this.

Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

Oh blippity bloppity pretending I don’t curse like a sailor the summer is like half way done fuck. The WIP I’m working on the most during this summer is the western fantasy gay retelling of Robin Hood. It still needs a title. I’m going to pretend that I’m not going to put that off to the last second. It came about as a stray thought of one scene that made a less than sober me giggle. And has sense grown. It follows a Phil, the sheriff, and his outlaw lover, Robin, as they try to find out who killed their friend. There are griffins and hippogriffs, shootouts, murder, fist fights, and make up sex.

Recommend a book

A Heart of Blood and Ashes by Milla Vane. I came to this book for a fun fantasy story. It is part of a series(I have not read the second or third book) but it has excellent story telling and some very nice spicey scenes. I could not put this book down, I was reading it like I was a teenager trying to escape from the abusive relationship I had with my family again. Strokes that need for the Alpha-hole while he also gets to learn that maybe he can not be a dick head. Love the characters so much. Biggest reason I haven’t read the sequel is I’m not ready to risk any change in tones. Will there be? i don’t know for sure but it’s always that fear in the back of my mind.

Recommend a fic

Oh god...just one? I feel this is cruel and unusual punishment. After some consideration, and highly considering breaking the rules and just doing a screenshot of my recent history, I decided to go with Issues by g33kg1rl. It’s on AO3(I’m not sure if it’s on any of the other fanfiction sites, I haven’t looked). It is for a small fandom, Loonatics Unleashed(only 116 fics total in that fandom, and IDK how many of those are actually crossovers). Shipping Rev and Tech(OTP). I am not a fan of OCs in stories, But the OCs in this story are amazing. I’ve been a fan of the show for years and was not convinced they were not cannon characters until I consulted google because they are integrated so damn well.

Recommend music 

Okay, okay....trust me for a moment...Good Lookin’ by Dixon Dallas. My wife sent it to me and I was like “okay just a country song...I don’t understand what...wait...what did he say?” It’s gay. Very...very gay. And I love it. The phrase “Bouncing off my booty cheeks” will live rent free in my mind for eternity. 

[starshine-selfships]

YOURE ALSO SHIPPING WITH AN ANGEL NAMED GABRIEL!?? TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!!!! 🩷🩷🩷

GOD GOD YES!! Also fun fact I lowkey knew you specifically would see those tags and got excited to see if you would say anything hfjgrgj

Here's the guy of the hour, the week, the YEAR

(The art with the oranges is my own lmao)

I got the game he's from as a gift for Christmas from a friend who really likes it (and I was like yeah!! I wanna play the game too!!) so everything I'm saying has a grand total of a month and a half behind it, and I feel like the short time duration is important to highlight the insanity here kdjffk

ALRIGHT SO spoilers for the entirety of ultra.kill as a game bc he's integral to the overall plot, but some background before Gabby, the game is centered around a robot (controlled by the player) descending down through 9 layers of hell a la dante's inferno style, bc this particular machine is blood powered and mankind has been completely wiped out (partially by war, partially by something that hasn't been made 100% clear yet), so you're just going around slaughtering everything in sight, with the chunkiest graphics known to man along the way.

Gabe's role here is to step in and try to stop you bc you're basically a walking abomination to all that is holy, Gabe is the angel that sends people to hell and is also the one chosen to carry out the will of god so he's also done a lot of killing to do that; he loses to the machine, gets so mad he curses at you (calls you an insignificant fuck) and then leaves, but we see a little behind the scenes, where we learn he's never lost a fight like this and the rest of the angels call it heresy; they sever his connection with divinity and tell him he has 24 hours to fix everything or he'll die. So naturally, next fight he's pissed as hell, and starts out MAD, yelling and threatening, but as it goes on, he starts having fun and laughing and taunting, and when he loses again, he says he feels relieved and needs time to think. He starts introspecting and starts questioning everything he's been told after he realizes he wasn't feeling hatred, but a sort of passion in the challenge of the fights. He starts asking himself if the angels he followed were actually in the right, and ends up killing them all, accepting that he's going to die but that he'll die not only having been freed from the constraints placed on him, but also having freed heaven itself from the angels that basically held it hostage with their power.

He's also as close to trans as you can get without explicitly calling him such! The devs discussed angels and pronouns in a recent stream and said they wanted angels to have no pronouns if possible, but then realized that they needed to gender Gabe when another character wrote a diary entry about him, so they settled on pronouns as a mark of angel status, which means that he didn't originally use he/him, but picked it up later and continued to use it no matter what; the other angels called him "it" after the took his divinity, but the overall narration still uses masculine pronouns for him, so it comes with the implication that he's still exactly who he knows he is, no matter what is said about him, which. as a trans man. good lord fhsjg the trauma of his arc hits very close to home for me and that was part of what propelled him into the spot he has on this blog.

The other thing that got him here was. and there really isn't any other way to say it. This man turned everyone into rabid animals, I have never seen so many people look at a character and desire him so violently, everyone wants to do unspeakable things to this man and it is so funny hdsjgks his VA will also voice pretty much anything in-character as well, so there's a lot of unhinged bullshit that makes for an absolutely incredible image of this man. He's a little uptight at first and throws a fit when things don't go his way, he seems like the exact kind of man that would be kind of silly, this man would struggle to peel an orange, throw it at a wall, and then later hang his head in his hands about it. This man would be able to speak multiple languages but would somehow mispronounce every single word as he goes. He's an astounding character and he's also kind of pathetic and something about all these factors just. lobotomized me. There is a gay little angel where part of my brain should be and I've just accepted it. I had a gay dream about him one single week after I saw him in game, the grip he has on me is UNREAL and I've fully accepted it.

He gives the very fun aspect of "is not human and has no idea what humans need or how they act", which makes him utterly hilarious to me, I wanna see this man try to preheat the oven, he is trying so hard to cook something for me and he is burning it so badly, he does NOT know what a car is and is frankly too wary of it to even consider getting in it. People also arrived at the consensus that he's probably very tall, it's been confirmed that there are no canon heights in the game, but everyone has agreed that Gabby is at least 7 feet tall and it is the funniest thing on earth to me. Very large and somewhat confused angel who means the best trying very hard in his new environment. Oh my god wait when the developers had that stream I mentioned they also talked about Gabe for a bit in regards to his personality bc in-game he saved someone from being swept away in the river styx (now an ocean after an influx of souls), and they were so grateful they added a fully functional hologram of him onto their ship, saying the lines he'd said when he'd saved them, and the devs said that they'd wanted that to be a glimpse into what Gabriel is like when he's not immediately targeting you as an enemy or fighting, and the specific words they used were "he's kind and loving" and that short-circuited my brain immediately upon impact.

He is The Guy Ever, he's basically trans and 70% of the people who drew him gave him top surgery scars even before the devs talked about gender, he's got religious trauma and guilt, he's too tall and has probably never read a book outside of the bible, he giggles and whimpers, he is considered to be one of if not the most wifeable character in the entire game, he has an official body pillow, I want to put him in pretty little outfits, I want to hold his hand and take him to the beach, I want to pin him against a wall, he is. Such A Guy,, thank you so much for asking me about him he makes me feel so insane hsgjsdl

[thebroccolination]

I saw you mentioned Queer As Folks recently. OMG how I missed Brian and Justin. When they went angst, they reeeeeaaaally served angst. I seriously don't have access to watch the entire series in my country, I can only watch snippets from youtube. I'm so sad 😭 Can you share with me what you like most about QaF and maybe if you have your favorite Ao3 fics about them. Thank you so much, Key ❤

Aaahhh, Anon!

You've unsurfaced some deep memories.

Okay, I just finished writing the thesis below. I'm back from the future. A lot of what you're about to read is pure emotion, so I apologize that it's not, uh. Well structured or especially rational. Queer as Folk was very formative for me, so my thoughts on it are very formless. \:D/

•

I watched Queer as Folk in high school, and it was a core experience. I vaguely remember writing Brian/Justin fic, but I think I mainly just read, and unfortunately, all of the fic I read was on LiveJournal, so I have no idea how to find it anymore. I'm really, really bad with names and titles, so I'd really only know them if I saw them again. :')

I have hot takes, though!

As far as fandom goes, the US version was phenomenal. So much fic. So much fic, and I loved it so much. The fanvids, the art, the meta, etc. It was such a great fandom.

BUT as a show, I preferred the UK version. I thought it was better crafted, the story and characters felt a lot stronger, and the dialogue was fantastic. It felt more inclusive in every way, and it had this…cozy warmth to it. Even at his worst, Stuart is nowhere near as much of a menace as Brian, and I think that's because he has Vince, and Brian has Michael.

(I didn't like Michael. At all. \:D/ The actor is lovely! I just regularly pined for the character to be pushed through a nineteenth floor window and then get stepped on by an elephant tourist visiting family at the Pittsburgh Zoo.)

The US version also screamed Written by White Cis Gay Men Who Held a Weird Grudge Against Lesbians and Didn't Believe Bisexuality Is Real. I was a "definitely straight except for that one time and that other time and that other other time I had suspiciously queer thoughts and also argued a shade too passionately about queer rights at the dinner table" teenager, and while I loved Brian and Justin as a ship, the UK version made me feel like I could find friends who'd feel like family one day. (And it came true, and they're queer, too.)

I think of the US version of Queer as Folk as fandom fodder. After every episode, I'd dive into LiveJournal, read fics, meta, look up fanvids, etc. I learned so much from Elder Queers who talked about safe sex and the importance of getting tested and all the things either referenced in the show or totally ignored that Elder Queers were like, "This was ignored but if you're ever in Justin's situation, here is what you do, please promise you'll do this."

The UK version is the one I rewatch when I want to revisit that warm, safe feeling.

And it'll always fuck my brain up that the US showrunners of Queer as Folk watched Stuart fuck a fifteen-year-old that was blatantly framed as "this is a bad thing, Stuart is doing a bad thing, everyone is aware that this is a bad thing, this is very bad, Stuart" and thought, "Okay, the bad thing is that he's fifteen, so let's age him up to seventeen and make him the love interest instead of the best friend who's the same age."

MIND. BLOWN.

I mean, it explains why Michael's all [evocative hand gestures]. His English counterpart actually ended up with his hot Irish best friend. And, like, Vince is obsessed with Dr. Who, so they gave Michael comic books? Like? Why not Star Trek? And he's obsessed with Brian and has the same soul-destroying crush that Vince has on Stuart, but there's a point to Vince's crush on Stuart the point is that they end up together and Nathan is a high school boy who is genuinely meant to be a blip on the radar in the background of their story.

It's been long enough that I don't hate Michael anymore, I'm just still fascinated by CowLip's bizarre story decisions.

Here's how I'll summarize my complicated relationship with the US version of Queer as Folk:

Season five was an insult to me personally, and I never watched the last episode. That stupid ending reversed all five seasons of Brian's character arc and landed him exactly where he was in the first episode, only multiple years older. And CowLip talked about it like it was brilliant and not a pathological misunderstanding of how storytelling is meant to operate to connect with audiences.

But.

I remember watching the Babylon bombing episode. Viscerally. I was staying at my sister's house, and I waited until everyone fell asleep. I snuck into their home office to watch the episode on their computer because I kept all queer media I watched secret from everyone in my very conservative family. I turned the volume down to one bar, kept the lights off, and held my shallow breath whenever the house made any kind of noise. Because Brian had never said "I love you" before, and this was it, because he thought Justin would be one of those corpses rolled out on a gurney from the club where they met, where their friends and family all gathered, the only place they felt safe being gay.

And many years later, when something similar happened far, far away at Pulse in Orlando, a memory surfaced of secretly watching an episode about love and desperation and grief. Of feeling caged inside a sexuality prescribed to me. And it was the first time I came out on social media.

Because it was a ridiculous show in some ways, and a terribly written one sometimes, but I think it also cut to the quick for many of us who just…didn't have anything else. We didn't have many options back then, and the fandom was massive, and it nudged me a little closer to understanding who I am and who I love.

[wheatley-imagine-scenarios]

hey so I thought of a vocaloid au

basically aperture is like a crypton (the ppl who made miku) and chell is a VERY tired producer named c4ke-P. she recently adquired the apertureloids and turns our theyre sentient! and chaos ensues

GLaDOS is the aperture labs mascot (much like hatsune miku). she's very popular and is featured in a lot of songs, usually in this style

she is chell's shameless fav and makes most of her music with her, but she's challenging (mostly because she likes to crash chell's computer to inconvenience her when she's mad at her (esp. for using wheatley)

she sounds really realistic and because of this, there's a running joke that Caroline's soul is inside her (she actually is lol. also she's her voice producer)

Wheatley is also a very popular apertureloid, but more in a len/kaito way. he's hard to tune and sounds raspy, so many people say that he's "bad". though, many people think he's hot anyway, so he's popular but not for the reason intended. he's VERY insecure abt that and whenever chell is making a song, he's practically BEGGING her to feature him in it. he's her 2nd fave.

his voice provider is unknown

he literally has a cult (like the len stans) and is very popular on the meme side of the fandom

in the rare occasions he's featured in songs, they're usually like this

or he gets put in duets, usually with GLaDOS (much to her desmay)

Space Core (Pluto) and Fact Core (Nathan) are twin vocaloids (like rin and len or meika hime and meika mikoto) and they have the same voice provider.

Pluto gets a lot of songs abt space and existentialism (to a certain degree) and is regarded like some sort of kaai yuuki, getting more fucked up songs that Nathan does. he's also the younger sibling

Nathan doesn't get as many songs as space does, but when he does, GOD DAMN they're good. he usually duets with his sibling anyway

their songs are like like this

chell got to make a song for them when they were released, and that boosted her popularity.

when interacting with chell, they seem to be quite calm (FINALLY) but they talk a lot and distract chell from her work. also Nathan is very protective of his brother. chell finds it quite charming

Rick is the one chell uses the least, but one of the chattiest ones she's ever had.

he's actually quite obscure, and chell also got commissions from his creators to make songs for him

he's a BIG flirt, and also likes to talk a lot as well. chell doesn't use him for THAT exact reason

even with his unpopularity, those who like him are like a cult as well. when he gets in songs, they're usually duets with Nathan. The fandom ships them a lot too. but he does get songs in which he sings by himself.

his songs are a lot like this

anyways that's it. I have no art cause this just popped into my head. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

I would firstly like to thank you for telling me wtf a crypton and stuff is throughout your ask

Glados being petty and crashing because Chell used Wheatley is so funny,, and also, same

A lot of people think Wheatley is bad, but also agree he’s hot? Yeah that checks out. I’d love to hear a GLaDOS and Wheatley duet tho, that sounds great

Pluto ranting about space and Nathan’s like “Oh don’t mind them, Chell, space isn’t real. By the way, did you know that rats can’t throw up?”

Rick, the first time Chell tries to use him: Well hello there, pretty lady~

Chell: Oh, hate that, fuck you, never doing this again

[mejomonster]

Daomubiji is the gayest "not written to be intentionally gay" I've ran into in the cwebnovel world. Like. In English? Yeah plenty of fuckers especially pre 2015 would make a story gay but never intend it to be read that way and yell at people who did (and some who didnt get mad but also didnt want to embrace that potentiality). Occasionally making something intensely gay. Nowadays most English stuff either is aware of how gay it wrote shit and therefore okay with itself as that, or is so unintentional it's just a baffling situation

Meanwhile in cwebnovels it's a pretty established genre to just put out gay content so usually if it's gay it's already fully aware it's writing in such a way (now cdramas are another story since it's the foggy land of some gay stuff being adapted to "bromance" meanwhile some purposely friendship stuff trying it's hardest to slide toward "bromance" to capitalize on that angle without actually being gay, then the ones in the middle happy to capitalize on the gay and playing hard and loose and not really confirming what their intent truly is -dmbj shows are Now Here-, and then original script "bromances" fully intending to be gay the way Xena was like Killer and Healer which I applaud for wanting to do gay in an impossible environment with no book to lean on as the reason it was made gay as it was - mriad also toed this, that tan jianci show recently did etc). So like usually if it's Not overtly gay as a novel I assume no intention was purposeful, at least not much. (Though to be fair maybe there are authors utilizing subtext and a bit scared to go overt gay cause of how that may affect them/sales/their future etc, which may be going on but I am not aware enough of everything in non-gay novel land to comment. Fair enough though that was certainly going on in Hayes code America in the film industry, with some people making gay threesome art films sliding past the radar on purpose, others making metaphor as literal wasn't alloved, others accidentally making subtext rather than on purpose, and I'd say to some degree novel wise that would have been going on as well. I didn't read many us novels from 70s-2000 but iwtv made gay implied and the sequel a decent time later made gay overt and I'd assume some bigger safety in writing gay characters was felt by authors later in the century).

Anyway, my point. Of the small amount ive read, dmbj is sure the gayest "not in the gay genre" cnovel I've found. There's The Kings Avatar, that's big, can anyone tell me if it's gay? There's Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms, which has a gay side couple but that's not quite the same. There's LiuLi (Love and Redemptions novel), but a main character who's multiple genders and a bi love interest is just... not common in general anywhere so that's more of a one off thing (I'd love for it to be more common though). Mostly the big stuff that comes out that people interpret as gay out of cnovel land... IS purposefully fully intended as gay.

Meanwhile dmbj show wise, is at the point where scenes adapted from its own novel get cut for being too gay (oh wu xie u bastard cat ur too into xiaoge for censors to bear). Dmbj show wise, for a while, for baffling reasons post The Lost Tomb (because if you squint HARD there's non gay reasons to put in all the gay scenes as a speed run implied instant Platonic fondness/connection that's just using romance action tropes to speed it up to communicate to audience since it only has like 10 episodes... again, if you squint I can see an oblivious straight person somehow thinking it was straight). But then by The Lost Tomb 2 you've got the saving him in a tux in his arms shit, Ultimate Note you've got scenes Being cut for being "too gay" wu xie, in Reboot you've got the whole cast well aware of ships and nanpai Sandshu also WELL aware by that point so if there's any "bromance" now towing the line of gay it's at least likely on purpose and self aware they're on the line.

But then there's. The fucking novels. Wu Xie my dude. Iron triangle my guys. How did all this accidentally happen? Is this the beautiful outcome of npss starting fanfic with no idea where it would end? You genderbend a love interest, make the guy embody ur idea of cool so u have to have ur viewpoint character wu xie notice how Cool said Cool Guy is, and the gender ambiguous premise leads to romantic interest slanting framing of such character, leads to that entire structure continuing long after u decided emo boy is a dude, wu xie is into men now and ur in way too deep now to backtrack so pangzis commenting, now ur cool emo got Emotionally Attached to one person in this whole world and it's ur viewpoint dude, now he's sacrificing for him, now they're at Minimum as gay as Kirk and Spock and quickly hurtling to Xena/Gabrielle levels. And I'm googling pingxie having heard of dmbj, having never seen an episode, ans finding its one of the biggest Ships TM. Thinking it's some fan ship with no Canon basis like idk captain america/iron man, then I watch The Lost Tomb and no these fuxkers as gay as Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan to my assumption. Then I look up the books and it's. Odd. They're definitely soulmates, they don't date others, they retire together, xiaoge sees wu xie as The Person for his ass TM, and it's uh. It is what it is. They're life partners for sure anyway. So it's a kirk/spock situation at minimum. But, if you watch the shows it's treading on "this Bromance is so close to/possibly Is Romance that we are being assumed as actual bl" line. Which I guess in show form is Xena/Gabrielle. Cause most censored bl dramas are xena/gabrielle level (lovers but you gotta be Just vague enough about it to be allowed to air). And thus is established, the gayest pair of "are they gay" I've run into in chinese media. (To be compared with the youtube series Are You Gay of Kirk/Spock, a question for the ages).

I'm just. They're so gay. They're whatever they are in canon, and why. Its fun to think of why (before the shows slid them pretty firmly into "is might as well be bl territory so assume it is" with the way the show teams handle it). Like. Is it all just a happy accident of npss, a fanfic turned original universe that of course includes anything and everything (comets from space, giant snakes, emo immortals, hair monsters) so why wouldn't it also include gay chosen soulmate fuckers in the center. Is dmbj an interesting example of what fiction can grow and turn into of its own accord, as it evolves over years and becomes its own entity of development? It's interesting. It's interesting what else may eventually develop and shift. (Take what I said with heaps of salt though, I still need to read a Lot more of the books, I'm a newbie with them and still happy to fall into many more of them)

[olderthannetfic]

Hello, I’m a very anxiouse proshipper and I’m looking for guidence I guess. For context in 2016, I was a part of the undertale fandom, and the popular problematic ships at the time where frans and fontcest. When drawing fontcest, I got a horiffic message in my inbox, going into detaile about ilr animal abuse related to some fontcest art I drew, and I’ve been turned off to being openly proship since. Throught the years I’ve been feeling very fucked up about calling myself proship, or making anything problematic. At one point I drew vrabbit (fnaf), and HCed him as a pedo cuz that’s the most obviouse vibes he gave off. I never drew him doing anything pedophilic, though I did draw him around his own (killed and robotociced) kids, and got a callout post made on my (that has now since been half deleted, I say half because it was initially a post made under a keep reading, and that og post is gone, but reblogs of the post remain). Recently Encanto came out, and the new ship there was an uncle and neice ship of bruno and mirabel, so of course I drew some art about it, but was scared to post it. And when I finally did, some people got upset at me, understandably so, but instead of ppl just blocking me and leaving, they would confront me directly, saying my art was now tainted, or that they hated me for “normalizing their abuse” (i’ve been abused too, I think, I don’t know if it counts as “real abuse” anymore because it was just sexual assult, and that feels like it’s the bottom of the barrel in comparason to someone being raped on the daily). But it sucks, because I’ve always been into this stuff, I don’t know why, I don’t know if I’m coping, I don’t know if something’s severely wronge with me, I asked my therapist once and they said so long as it’s art, it shouldn’t matter and it’s fine, but I feel like a shitty human being on a near constant basis when I start thinking about it. I’ve remade my blog like 2 times already, I’m wondering if I should do it again, this time just be more clear that I’m proship, or if I should just shut the hell up, because I don’t want more people coming to me about irl animal death. Like I don’t even take these ships all that seriously, I’m just some ace guy putting my kinks onto characters, I don’t care that characters are naked cuz a body that doesn’t arouse me on it’s own, and I want to be able to hc characters as something horrible ontop of how horrible they already are, like vrabbit was litterally murdering children, who’s to say he’s not some repressed pedo trying to counteract that shit with child murder instead? Idk, I don’t know if any of this was consistent, I just want to know if I should even be worrying about this shit or not, if I should start over again, or if I should just give up and forget the ritual of making art and posting it online in the hopes that someone sees it and thinks “ah, I vibe with that”. I’m just, tiered, man. Sorry to come to you with all this shit.

--

Nonnie, I think you need to talk to your therapist again.

Humans have all kinds of wacky fantasies. Nothing especially bad ever happened to me, and I was looking at snuff stories on the internet as a 13-year-old. Nothing you're into is unusual, and the way you're engaging with it sounds pretty mild and no big deal.

If you feel awful on a daily basis, that's about anxiety or self esteem or depression, not any realistic reaction to your art. Your therapist needs to hear how much you're struggling.

I don't think you need to use the word 'proship' if you don't feel like it. I no longer use it for myself because it's far too tame and watered down for my actual views.

Remake or don't, but turn off all anon asks or the equivalent on every platform. Accept DMs only from people you follow. Block early and often. Post your stuff, but make it very clear you have a zero tolerance policy for jackasses.

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

cw// vent below the cut!

no outright triggering content mentioned but references to trauma/ptsd (this is vaguely selfship related i promise snjkfhfndsj).

LONG, sorry . beware! but i've been trying to examine myself a little more closely lately and i just got carried away ig

i sort of always feel like i'm alone in this, i guess i was wondering if anyone else feels the same way in any capacity?

so i've always been a really naturally creative person; when i was younger i was the kid that was always doodling all over their assignments; i would win art and writing contests, stuff like that. it's a lot of artists and imaginative ppl on here specially in the selfship community, so i'm sure y'all will understand this, but being "creative" was kind of literally my entire identity growing up. i preferred fiction to reality and never understood how to get along with the other kids, so it became my escape , whether i was creating or consuming media. it was , in entirety, who i was.

except when i got a little older, i went through a traumatic event. i won't get into specifics, but i was diagnosed with ptsd among other things. and i pretty much blocked it all out! only recently, years later, have i started to realize the effects the trauma actually had on me.

i noticed that my creativity is basically GONE. i'm unable to come up with plotlines in my head; only when i'm very strictly guided by a pre-determined objective or assignment requirement. when i was younger i could write elaborate fantasy storylines with dragons n shit, fully fleshed out character archetypes and interactions, but now it's like my mind is a total fucking blank. NOTHING comes up. especially dialogue; i'm just not capable of imagining it. art is the same way.

it's honestly insane. i don't even remember what it was like to have natural imagination. i miss it more than anything and i feel like i've lost something intensely important. not to mention how ingrained it was in my identity. it's all i was, yet it all stopped after i experienced trauma.

i feel so alone, and it really ties into my relationship with self-shipping. as much comfort as self-shipping brings me, i feel so very invalidated by the fact that i'm not able to create or write content for my ship. i try, but i just can't do it in the end. i see others that make these beautiful drawings or these deep meaningful fanfics and i feel so guilty. like i'm less dedicated, and it makes my relationship/my account less valid, not only to myself but to everyone else. my f/o deserves more than that, but i can't give it to them. in real life, they'd probably be with someone else who could instead. yk that sort of thing :'( it's a whole rabbit hole of thinking that i'll just cut off now but yeah u get the point. super guilty.

i could go on with this for hours but it's already super long. but yeah. the original intention of this blog was for me to try writing again but in a way that was comfortable and safe for me, by combining it w my biggest coping mechanism LOL. i've made some baby steps in my drafts but we'll see how it goes ig. just wanted to get this off my chest and see if maybe anyone else has had a similar experience, idk it just makes me feel so guilty and like i'm a fraud of myself in general :'3

[bird-wells214]

i cant stop thinking about this recently but imo i think that there is indeed a misguided or straight up incorrect way to interpret media

but fandom has corrupted audience culture so much that now we have stranger things erasing the scene of jonathon taking creepy pictures of nancy because the creators didn't want fans to be "mad" and we can't have anything invoke negative emotions at risk of making someone uncomfortable as if storytelling isn't frequently used as a device to spark discussion about injustices and other similar topics

fandoms want ships and fluff and quotes you can put on a t-shirt and memeable scenes and absolutely zero (0) discomfort and of course there's nothing wrong with that, that's why we still have cartoons and romances and that's why we talk about bad movies and why we want to see ourselves as these protagonists. but it just drives me nuts how fandom continues to insist upon "stop shaming me for my ships end cringe culture" while also in the same breath saying phantom of the opera is a romance

like. fandom sees media through a singular lense. when media is often more than just one idea, one thought, one storyline. media exists to challenge your thoughts. some media exists to be mindless fluff. others exist to intentionally discomfort you. some exist to present a bizarre scenario and ask you "wouldn't this be fucked up or what". the whole spectrum no matter what has the capability to change how you think in one way or another. since when did we start insisting that debate and conversation through art was problematic

edit the nancy picture thing was false, but there's still a change being made to continuity which is still like, stupid, who actually gives that much of a shit