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marvelouslizzie · 2 years

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i wanna ruin our friendship

summary: James “Bucky” Barnes is a famous actor who just turned 40. He’s getting old and struggling with the fact that he isn’t what he used to be. When he finally opens up to you about how he’s struggling with body image, you assure him in a very unexpected way. Things take a turn after that point.

pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader (Celebrity Bucky Barnes x Actress Reader)

word count: 4.1K

warnings: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI, long period of friendship, unspoken feelings, minor jealousy, alcohol consumption, body image struggles (Bucky is just struggling because of Hollywood’s unrealistic body standards), fear of aging and losing who you are, misunderstandings, pet names, slight dirty talk and praising if you squint, no use of a condom (the reader is on birth control), Bucky is 40 while the reader is 37, no use of y/n.

a/n: I was reading one of Sebastian’s old interviews where he mentions body dysmorphia and how it affects him. It inspired me to write this story. I hope you like it.

The story is beta-read by my dear @notafunkiller. Thank you so much!

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission. Every like, comment and reblog is highly appreciated.

The after-party is buzzing with energy. The room is crowded with so many familiar faces, you can’t even start naming everyone even if you tried. Sometimes you wonder how you ended up in a place like this, then you remember that you are an actress, too. It feels surreal because you were planning to stay a theater actress until you found your big break unexpectedly on the big screen.

That’s actually how you met James Barnes, your first on-screen partner. That’s how everyone called him, but you and a few close friends were always calling him Bucky. It makes you feel special. You look at him and see how he’s talking to Natasha Romanoff, his current partner. They are taking pictures together. You are sure it is meant to be shared by Natasha on her Instagram.

You find yourself walking towards the bar and ordering another drink. You usually don’t drink too much, trying to stay sober but having fun. It’s a thin line, but you managed to keep the balance so far. That gives paps less tea to share online. Tonight feels a bit different and you know it’s because of Bucky and Natasha. They are the perfect couple and you can’t help but feel jealous. Even though you have no right because Bucky is just a friend.

A hundred chit-chats later, you see Bucky in the corner of the crowded room. He seems down for some reason, you can always tell by the look on his face. He’s good at concealing how he feels. It’s almost like a poker face, but his eyes and his posture always give it away. Slowly, you walk towards him and he notices you right before you sit next to him.

“Hey, handsome. Why are you crying into your beer?”

“I’m not.” His answer is instant and you don’t buy it.

“Come on. I know you better than that. One minute you were happy, enjoying yourself, and now look at you: you're sulking in the corner. Something must have happened.”

He sighs. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

You think he maybe had a problem with Natasha and she isn’t around right now. Which is rare. Even though everybody’s attention is on her, she’s always around Bucky. You think it’s because of the unlabeled thing they have going on since they started working together. You never dared to ask if they are together or not. You aren’t ready for that answer yet.

“I know, doll. You are my best friend, but I just…” He stops for a second to think how he’s going to say this. “I don’t feel like myself.”

“What does that mean?” You ask with a frown.

“I’m not who I used to be.”

“Bucky, what are you talking about?”

He takes a deep breath. “I don’t feel like I’m that handsome talented guy I used to be, okay? I feel ugly and…” He looks down at his body. “Fat.”

“Oh, come on!”

“That’s the truth.”

“You are being ridiculous.”

“I’m not and I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

Oh. He must have read something.

“Please don’t tell me you looked at the comments again.”

“I… did.” He accepts with a defeated tone.

“We talked about this before. You should never do that.” Your tone reminds him of a teacher scolding their student and it makes him smile so slightly, but you don’t see it.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, darling. Natasha shared a photo of us together and I just went to like it.”

Oh.

“And you saw some comments?”

“Yeah. Saying that I’m getting older and uglier. I know I’m not a young man anymore but I’m just 40. Not dead yet, you know?”

“Yeah, of course not.” You take a huge sip from your drink.

“But they don’t think so and I started to notice maybe they are right.”

“Come on, Bucky!”

“I look in the mirror and every day I feel like I see a stranger, not myself. Since I stopped acting in those action movies, I’m not working out and dieting as hard as I used to and it’s so fucking visible. My reflection blinks at me in the mirror. Then I look around to see I’m alone. I’m old and alone. I missed my chance at happiness. I’m lucky if I can find someone to fuck me for the night.”

“I would fuck you, in a heartbeat.” The words just fly out from your lips and you can immediately see their effect on Bucky’s face.

“You would?” His expression seems completely different now.

“Yes… I would.” It’s too late to back down. Your long secret of having a huge crush on Bucky Barnes is basically exposed.

Without saying a word, Bucky takes your hand and drags you out of the after-party without saying goodbye to anyone. You have no idea where you are headed. In a matter of seconds, you find yourself in a cab with Bucky Barnes as he simply gives his house address and says nothing more.

The ride is short and silent. He doesn’t even look in your direction, his eyes are fixed on the road. You are regretting everything. Even the decision to come to this after-party. What were you thinking when you decided to take another drink because you saw Bucky and Natasha taking selfies? Where was your mind when you said you'd fuck him in a heartbeat? He must be so shocked. He's probably planning to talk to you in private, for your friendship’s sake.

I fucking ruined our friendship, you think.

When the cab ride is over, Bucky pays the driver and holds the door open for you. You are glad to see he’s still a gentleman towards you, even after you said something completely stupid. I should’ve kept my mouth shut, just like I did for years.

Finally, when you step inside his place, Bucky closes the door and pushes you against the wall with a kiss. It’s so unexpected, your breath hitches. His lips are relentless, moving between your lips, your cheek, and your neck. You try to breathe, but it doesn’t feel real.

“I can’t believe we are doing this,” he says between kisses.

You can’t either. You were expecting a serious talk. Not this.

“We shouldn’t do this.” You suddenly say when you remember Natasha. You didn’t even realize you left her behind when you two left the party so suddenly.

Bucky stops kissing you and looks at you with complete confusion. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have assumed. Was that… a pity comment?”

Now it’s your turn to feel confused. A pity comment? You pity yourself for exposing your crush, but definitely no pity for him. No way in hell.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You said we shouldn’t do this.”

“Because you are with Natasha and we left her at the party! This is wrong, Bucky. As much as I want to… we shouldn’t.”

“Natasha?”

“Yeah, Natasha.”

“What does Natasha have to do with this?” You can sense the confusion in his voice. It’s like he has no idea what you mean but… it makes no sense.

“She’s just so nice and pretty. No wonder you two got paired together.” You don’t even notice you didn’t answer this question.

“You think I’m pretty, too?”

You roll your eyes. “Everyone in their right mind could see you're pretty. Why are you even asking?"

"I am asking you, not everyone, doll." And there it is again. That damn nickname. Doll. You love and hate to hear him call you that. It’s warming your insides up until you remember he calls other girls doll, too. Especially Natasha.

"Stop with the nickname.” You finally say with a pained voice. This whole night is a huge mistake and you will be the one who gets hurt most. You can feel that the friendship you have with Bucky is slipping through your fingers already, so there’s no point in holding back now. “Of course you're pretty: the best eyes, fluffy hair. Tall. Looking good in suits. Two beautiful people."

“She’s just my partner and a good friend, darling. Nothing more.”

“But… but…” You stammer. “You are always together. She never leaves your side.”

“It’s because we are friends and I am helping her out.”

“Helping her out?” You repeat with confusion.

“She gets so much unwanted attention, she uses me as a shield, so less people would come up to her and talk.”

Oh.

It makes perfect sense and Bucky is always a gentleman.

“You thought we were together?”

“Yeah… kinda…”

Bucky moves closer to you and puts his hands on your face. “Doll…” Then he remembers what you said about the nickname. “Sorry. I never realized you didn’t like this nickname. I won’t use it anymore.”

His touch is so comforting and you feel relieved that there’s nothing going on between Bucky and Natasha.

“It’s not that I don’t like it.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I just… remember that you use that nickname all the time. It just doesn’t… feel special.”

“Darling, have you ever heard me calling someone else doll?”

His question makes you stop for a second. You actually never did. You just assumed he would be calling other girls doll as well because of the way he says it… It’s just so sexy.

“I… didn’t.” You struggle to answer through your confusion.

“Because I don’t call anyone doll. Except you.”

You can’t find words to respond, it feels like your mind completely stopped working. All you can think is how unbelievable all this is.

“Just me?” You repeat, trying to collect your thoughts.

“Just you.” He says reassuringly. “Can I keep calling you that?”

“Yes. Yes, you can.”

His hand slowly moves to your neck. It makes it even harder to think straight.

“Can I go back to kissing you?” His voice is deeper somehow.

You gulp first. Then nod. Your response makes him smile and it warms you up.

You imagined this moment many times, then put that image into the back of your mind just to keep going. Right now, his lips on yours are real. Not a dream, not a fantasy, and it feels so much better.

The way his lips move fires something inside you. Something you tried to surpass and forget, but that never happened. Whenever you felt his touch, even something as simple as hands brushing, you felt that fire inside you and now it's back. Stronger than ever.

Finally, your hands move to his face, cupping it as he kisses you with passion. Now both of you know that this has nothing to do with pity or self-assurance. That gives you the confidence you need.

Your fingers move towards his shoulders as you put your hands inside his jacket and push it back. It surprises him, but he doesn’t resist, just letting the jacket fall to the ground. Then your fingers travel to his shirt. The first button is open but the rest… You start to unbutton them one by one. Then suddenly you found yourself turned around and pressed against the cold wall. His lips are on the back of your neck and his fingers are looking for the zipper. You smile to yourself when you realize you aren’t the only desperate one here.

“It’s not on the back.” He can hear the smile in your voice even though he can’t see your face.

“Where is it?” He sounds frustrated and it’s so adorable.

“On the side.”

His hands quickly move to your side and find the zipper. In a second, you are already unzipped and your dress is pooled around your ankles. You give it a soft kick and get rid of the dress while you go back to unbuttoning this shirt.

You look up at him to see that he’s watching you undress him. There’s a slight smile on his face. You smile back in response and go back to unbuttoning him. When your work is done, he takes the shirt off himself and just tosses it on the floor. It doesn’t take him long to get rid of your bra. He unclips it so quickly, it surprises you. Everything's happening so fast that you feel like you're swimming. Like this is a dream. You grab his face and give him another kiss to remind yourself this is your reality right now. That you are free to touch him however you want. Your kiss takes a low moan out of him as his fingers travel down to your body, toying with the waistband of your underwear.

“No teasing.” You whisper against his ear and you see how your voice affects him up close. “This time.” You add and that slight smile is back on his lips.

“Are you promising me a next time already?” His voice is so low, so different you barely recognize it. He’s lost in the lust, because of you, and you can’t believe it.

“I mean… Maybe.” You sheepishly smile. You already know you want a second and a third time. He doesn’t have to know that, yet.

“Hmm… Depends on my performance, huh?” Before you can say anything he pushes his fingers under your last remaining clothes and you feel his finger brushing against your clitoris. A low moan escapes your lips.

Between him touching your clit and you finding yourself on your back on his couch is a complete blur. You don’t know how you ended up completely naked and Bucky between your legs as holding on to your dear life. His lips are on your pussy, licking and touching, driving you crazy. He definitely knows how to use his tongue and fingers. Even though his fingers aren’t inside you, his touches are skillful. Not too harsh, not too soft. Just the perfect amount of pressure. Then he sucks on your clit and you let out a half painful moan.

“Are you okay?” He lets go of your clit and looks at you concerned.

“No sucking on the clit please. Not that you aren’t good at it.” You feel nervous suddenly. “It just hurts. Personal preference.”

He smiles. “Noted.” And goes back to licking you. Soon the pain is long forgotten.

It feels like he’s everywhere on the most sensitive part of your body. It’s either his lips, his tongue, his nose or simply his fingers but the pleasure is overwhelming. Soon you find yourself moaning his name out loud while coming hard against his tongue.

He gives you a couple of minutes but doesn’t move at all. Instead, he pushes his fingers inside you when he decides you are finally back to yourself. When you feel one finger delicately pushing inside you, you raise yourself on the elbows.

“I said no teasing.”

“This isn’t teasing, doll.” He looks straight into your eyes. “This is me making sure you are ready for what I am gonna do to you next.”

“What are you going to do to me?” You ask breathlessly.

“Whatever you wanna do, baby, and I feel like you want to get fucked hard.” He stops for a second to read your expression. “Am I wrong?”

His question catches you off guard. He is talking so openly and directly, you feel a little shy. You are not used to voice your needs this openly, yet that’s one the biggest problems you had in the past. Partners not communicating open enough and assuming things. He’s doing what you actually need to do. He’s communicating openly and it’s extremely hot.

You nod first. Then you find your voice again. “Yes. I do want that.” He smiles again. That damned smile makes you even wetter. “But how do you know that?”

“The way you kiss me, push your hips up while I play with you and your hungry look. You look like you wanna eat me up.”

You surpass shyness with a breath. “Yes, I want that too.”

“Next time. It’s my turn now.” He winks at you and goes back to fingering.

He starts with one finger. Soon second and third follow and you are back on the clouds. You can’t even recognize your own voice, moaning his name. The pleasure takes over you, your back aches and you come hard on his fingers. It’s your second orgasm yet you still crave for more. You crave his warmth, his passion and the pleasure his cock can give you. You find it strange feeling this hungry after two orgasms but you welcome it anyway.

He moves up, directly kisses you without drying his mouth. His lips are hungry and demanding. His erection is hanging between you two and you can feel how hard he is.

“Can you taste yourself on my lips?” He asks shamelessly after breaking the kiss.

“Yes.”

“How does it feel?”

You say the first things that come to your mind with no filter. “Dirty and hot.”

“Hmm… Good.” He keeps kissing you, his fingers are still in your pussy, slowly moving his fingers between your folds and feeling your wetness all over again. It feels like he enjoys how wet you are for him. Not just enjoying but relishing.

“This is teasing.” You state between his kisses.

“Is it?” His fingers stop like he didn’t know that already. “I just love how responsive you are.”

“And I wanna feel your cock inside me already.”

Your bluntness doesn’t only surprise him, but you as well. You have no idea when you finally let go of your shyness. Maybe between the first and the second orgasm. You don’t care anymore. You really need him inside you.

“How do you want it, baby?”

“Let me show you.” You move away from him and miss his warmth instantly, but it’s for a good cause. You turn around and position yourself on your hands and knees. He understands what you want instantly.

“Hmm… You really want it hard.” He sounds amused. His fingers go back to your folds, moving up and down. “Just making sure you are ready.”

“I am dripping already, Bucky. How much more ready can I get?”

You hear him laugh, but before you can say anything about it, you feel his cock right on your entrance.

“Tell me if it hurts.” He says before pushing inside.

His cock stretches you out so deliciously. There’s absolutely no pain at all. The preparation is paying off amazingly. The only thing you are feeling is the fullness you have been craving for so long, but you need more.

“Please move, baby.”

It's the first time you use a pet name and you do it without thinking about it but the way you say it affects him deeply. He tries to surpass the loud moan which was about to slip and you notice his struggle.

“Don’t hide your moans from me. I wanna hear them.”

You imagined this moment for a long time. You spent hours imagining how he would talk, moan and come. You are so close to getting what you want and you have no intention to give up on it. Not even shyness can stop you from getting what you want.

“Then let’s make a deal.” He says, sounding breathless inside you. “None of us will try to hide their reactions. It’s only fair.”

“Deal.” You say eagerly and he chuckles. Then without saying anything else he starts to move inside you.

First, it’s slow. Not painfully slow but still not as hard as you want. Yet you don’t say anything because you know this isn’t only for you. He’s trying to get used to feeling you around his cock. It seems overwhelming especially when he stops hiding his reaction. Low moans and curses spill from his lips. You say nothing, just enjoy the moment.

“Fuck.” This time he’s speaking louder than before. “You feel amazing around my cock, darling. So… so amazing.”

Your only reaction is moaning. The praise goes straight to your pussy. You wanna slam yourself against his cock and force him to move faster.

“So eager for me. If I knew you wanted me this bad, we wouldn’t have to wait this long to fuck each other.”

“It’s not like you made it obvious that you want me either.”

“Forgive me for not thinking so highly of myself.”

The weight of his words crushes you.

“Look at me.” You say turning your head back and find him looking directly at you. “You are all I ever wanted.” His expression changes. A wave of emotions waves over him. You feel he’s on the verge of getting emotional. “Now fuck me hard so we can finally experience what this feels like.” He smiles, but you can still see the emotions behind his eyes.

“Your wish is my command, baby.”

From this moment, he is relentless. It’s fast and hard. The room is filled with the noise of skin slamming against skin, your wetness on his cock and your joint moans. It feels good. So fucking good that it doesn’t feel real. You can feel the pleasure bottling up. He’s moving back and forth with long strokes. His cock never leaves you. He pulls himself back until only the tip remains inside you and slams back in. The moans that leave your lips aren't human anymore. You feel desperate to reach that high again.

“Please.” You beg suddenly. “Please… I’m so… close.”

“Harder or faster?” His voice is hoarse, showing you how close he is to losing control.

“Faster.” You manage to say between moans. It’s so hard to even say one word out loud.

“I’m gonna come too.” And right then he notices that he didn’t put on a condom. “Fuck.” He sounds so disappointed.

“What?”

“We forgot the condom.” He slows down.

“Keep going. I’m on birth control.”

“Thank god!” You can’t help but smile before he picks up the pace again. In a second, both of you are a moaning mess. You come hard, so hard that you feel your muscles cramping with the force of it. Your whole body is electrified, you can feel it even on your toes. The noises you make push him over the edge. He starts to move faster and when you think your high is about to end, a new level opens up. Your mind stops working while your body turns jelly under him.

He isn’t any different than you. His loud moans, and his desperate pace show how much he is enjoying it, but you are too lost in your own pleasure to notice.

When you both drop your bodies on the couch, neither of you find the words.

“Wow.” That's all you can say.

“Wow indeed.”

You turn your face and look at him. He seems completely blissed out.

“We should’ve done this waaay before.” You smile hearing his words.

“You could’ve made a move, but you were too busy pitying yourself.”

The words come out without you considering what you are saying and it doesn’t take long for you to regret them. It isn’t the time or place to talk about this.

“I wanted to ruin our friendship for a long time, doll, but I was afraid. I was scared that I would ruin it for real and you wouldn’t wanna see me again. I was just fine being your good friend. It was a better alternative than losing you completely.”

You know what he means too well. That’s how you felt since the moment you met Bucky. He is such an amazing person, you didn’t want to lose him. Even if it means you have to witness him being happy with other people.

“That’s how I felt too, but look at you. Who can say no to you?”

His smile is bitter. You sense he doesn’t believe you even without him opening his mouth.

“Come on. That is the afterglow speaking.”

You move your head up and get support from your left hand.

“Look at me, Bucky.” He does and you see that he really doesn’t believe you. “You are gorgeous. Inside and out.”

“I know I am not what I used to be.”

“And that’s fine.” You quickly add. “You might not be Men’s Health cover material anymore, but guess what? It’s less healthy trying to keep that shape. Don’t let the name fool you. You don’t need six packs and huge biceps to look attractive. You need to be healthy so I can keep fucking you.”

Your last sentence makes him smile sincerely.

“You really believe that?”

“I do and honestly I have never been a six pack girl. You are even more attractive like this to me. A bit older and experienced. Just my type.”

“Hmm…” He says before kissing you deeply. You lose yourself in that kiss. So when he breaks it and asks you out, you are caught off guard.

“Huh?”

“I said: does it mean you will let me take you on a date?”

A date? With Bucky Barnes?

“Oh, yes. Anything you want.”

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

AITA for setting a boundary on a Minecraft server that I didn’t want to interact with one of the admins after he quit my partner’s dnd campaign?

I (20, nonbinary) was on a lgbtq+ discord and had become friends with a trans guy (henceforth referred to as A) who was a minor. This was easy to forget as he made raunchy jokes, got drunk and high on call, and I have horrible memory issues (so I often opt to just remember people’s names and topics I should avoid around them via making little notes.)

We would very often end up in a vc together with others from the server, including our respective partners, chilling, playing games, sharing fun things we found. (His partner will henceforth be referred to as B, and mine as C) (I had known his partner before from another server and was happy to see them getting along then eventually getting together)

(C especially would always give advice like “if you’re drinking, make sure to eat/get some carbs, drinking on an empty stomach is bad!” Because they love researching medical effects to make their writing and worldbuilding feel more realistic)

There were a handful of incidents where I believe I was the asshole

I loved showing off games and musicals to people, and this has the unfortunate effect of sometimes unintentionally saying words that anger people.

Incident 1) I was playing a game and mindlessly saying location names- and I got a dm- I pause to glance at it- and I got a message saying “hey remember [redacted] is A’s deadname and he’s uncomfortable that you keep saying it”. I pause, make a mental note of “but. It. Wasn’t directed at him?” Then continue playing, dodging saying the name for the rest of my time showing the game.

Incident 2) I was showing off a musical I like- and there’s a cute scene where a character suggests a name for another character, saying that they don’t need it anymore, and it just so happened to be A’s deadname again.

Incident 3) I was playing Sea of Thieves solo- and struggling. I’d been hit by lightning, and now was being attacked by a shark. A and B were making fun of the fact I had slipped into an accent out of sheer panic so I (enraged and not thinking at all) said “I’ll name the damn shark after you, fillet and gut it!” (A really likes sharks. I also like sharks but apparently not as much as him)

(I apologized for this on call later, saying that I was emotional and mad, and if I’d been thinking I wouldn’t have said that. I also apologized for the previous incident about the deadname)

A and B had also joined C’s dnd campaign alongside another one of our mutual friends, D (who did not leave the campaign, but that’s not important right now). I have reason to believe C told the others they couldn’t be either of the two classes I said my character thought they were, but I don’t know. Things went great (or so I thought) we got some plot trails (one connected to the race of my character, one being D’s character’s family) and everything seemed fine- A was flirting with a lot of the enemies and NPCS (C found the character arts via google images and unfortunately ‘attractive’ seems to be a main character design commonality)

Then one day, I woke up to check the campaign discord because of a ping and noticed both A and B had left the server and there was no new messages- confused, I hopped into call with C- who explained that A had dropped a long list of accusations about Myself and C, essentially insulting us and accusing us of things like ‘sending NSFW things to kids’, ‘acting like the victim’, ‘naming a character A’s deadname’, ‘DM favouritism’, and a whole bunch of other things. I was- shocked.

(A also apparently messaged D and said something like “sorry for ending the campaign like that, if you want to use your character you can always write with me!” And got angry when D said they didn’t leave the campaign.)

(C is also a generally sex-repulsed Asexual. They were forcing themself to become more comfortable with it because of A’s raunchy jokes)

This was followed by some harassment from A and B.

A tried publicly calling out C on social media (which C had only used to make a single post sharing something they had made for someone’s art/design) for “sending nsfw things to minors” and on another platform for “being a fake ass bitch”, as well as both of them heckling a new haircut I’d been nervous but excited to try and get for years and just figured out how to ask for (responses such as “omg no ew why would you do that”), as well as A saying “no I don’t” a picture I shared of C and I going to see a musical together with the caption “you wish you were here!” (All were shared and reacted to publicly on the discord server)

(To be fair about the haircut- the stylist had cut part of it a little too short and it made my face look especially chubby)

This is where I start to feel less like the asshole

So I went on the discord for the Minecraft server and said “hey, I don’t feel comfortable interacting with A after the allegations they’ve been making”. A immediately got defensive and angry about me saying “allegations” and kicked me from the discord before I could defend myself (and C).

I explained the situation to the admin of the server we’d met on, who also owned the Minecraft server, and apologized to them that they had to moderate. Both A and I lost our mod privileges on the discord, and I also found out A had been given multiple “cease and desist”s for… saying/sharing vulgar/nearly nsfw things on the discord before. And they did it again. The reason they were never banned or kicked was that the admin had made it in hopes that A would make friends.

Now. To a part that still horrifies me.

A legitimately found out C’s mom’s number, and called her to insist that C sent NSFW things to minors. (C suspects that they got it from a time C called the police out of genuine concern for A who hadn’t responded to any messages in around a day)

C also told me that the most they had sent A was like. Attractive anime guys from the first page of google images because C really liked big anime man chests. A apparently sent C full on p*rn once.

The problem is- I feel like I was the asshole- even though most of the “incidents” were accidents because I try to not remember someone’s deadname because- it’s? Not their name anymore? And it didn’t help that I genuinely do not remember being told it was their deadname until after incident 1.

Was I the Asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ap41cu5 · 2 months

Note

ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US (lars pinfield fan!!!!) if you’re still taking requests, could you possibly do one where lucky teases lars on his obvious crush on the reader/character? and reader/character picks up on his nervousness and awkwardness?? sorry if it’s a bit vague. remember to take care of urself and thank you in advance <3 :)

Stifled

Lars Pinfield x Fem! Reader Rating: Slight NSFW - Suggestive Themes Genre: Fluff Word Count: 2464

A/N: thanks so much for your request anon! i really hope this is what you were looking for. ive noticed im struggling to write him completely in character, but i did my best! i hope you enjoy <3

“Oh, please. You totally do! There’s no point in denying it anymore!” You heard Lucky exclaim from the other room before she was hastily hushed.

“Would you keep your voice down!?” Lars seethed as he attempted to hush Lucky.

You were quite literally just one step away from the door, but clearly you were about to walk in on a conversation you weren’t supposed to be hearing.

At first the plan was to come back later, but the next thing you heard immediately motivated you to stay. While you normally weren’t the type to eavesdrop, maybe just today you’d listen for just a few seconds longer.

“Well, it’s not like it matters anyway! You always get so nervous and uptight around her. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought you hated her,” Lucky commented.

Who are they talking about?

Shooting her a glare, he refused to answer and only turned back toward his desk.

“Don’t you have work to be doing?” He irritatedly asked, his tone making it clear that he wanted her to leave.

Lucky hopped onto one of the tables, “why? You want me to go so that you’ll both get some precious alone time once she gets back?” Lucky teased him, a smug grin plastering across her face.

Lars has a crush. The realization struck you right in the gut, one of your hands clutching the side of your uniform.

You couldn’t help the fact that you liked him. There was something about his high intelligence, his attentiveness to detail, and occasional sass that drew you to him, despite him always acting standoffish whenever you were around.

The possibility of him catching feelings for someone else broke your heart. You couldn’t stand the thought of him being with someone who wasn’t you.

“Alright, fine, I’ll go. But I can already smell the look on your face once she gets back!” Lucky giggled on her way out the door.

You immediately began to panic. You could hear her footsteps rapidly growing closer, and there was nowhere to hide in the sector of the lab you were in. So you took the only choice you had and tried to walk through the door as casually as you could muster.

Taking a quick deep breath in and walking in through the door, you were immediately met with Lucky’s face just inches away from yours.

An awkward split second passed where you both just stared at each other before she finally said, “(First Name)! Funny seeing you here!” She raised her voice, making sure Lars could hear her.

“I work here,” you chuckled, “I just got back from my lunch break.” You held up a paper bag containing your leftovers.

She animatedly nodded, “I see, I see. Well, I’ll catch you later, (First Name)!” She slipped past you, “have fun, Lars!”

She gave Lars a knowing look as she walked off, shooting you a quick wink as well.

Lucky was always energetic and cheerful, but she carried a much more playful attitude than usual. Your interest piqued, especially given the previous conversation they had.

You placed your lunch bag down onto your desk as you turned your head to look at Lars. The moment you looked over, you saw his head shift back down to his desk, as though he was already looking at you. Part of you immediately pondered what that look could have possibly meant, but you tried not to overthink it. He probably wanted to see who was approaching, as if Lucky somehow hadn’t made it obvious enough. But you tried not to overthink it. Last thing you’d want would be to get your hopes up only to get shattered once you found out who it was that Lars truly had feelings for.

Despite all of your jumbled thoughts and feelings, you felt a bit bored. You finished the majority of your experiments earlier. You had astute problem solving abilities, but Lars was the one case you just couldn’t crack.

You just couldn’t understand why he hated being around you so much. You were almost always nice, polite, and sweet. And every morning for the past couple of months, you’d arrive at work with a fresh cup of coffee sitting atop of your desk. He had taken the time to memorize how you liked your coffee, and that had to mean something, didn’t it? He couldn’t hate you that much, could he?

Approaching his desk, wandering eyes took a curious peek at what he was working on.

“How’s your experiment coming along?” You asked from over his shoulder.

He immediately seemed to be startled by your presence. The contraption he had been so carefully inspecting clattered to the ground as he flinched, hastily spinning around to face you.

You couldn’t tell if you were imagining it, or if his eyes seemed to soften just for the ephemeral moment they met yours. His expression quickly went from surprised to a mix of embarrassment and fear. A notably unfamiliar expression from him.

“What do you want?” He awkwardly cleared his throat before quickly turning back around.

Just for a second could you see a soft hint of blush tinting his cheeks as he made a clear effort not to look at you. But what did it mean? Why was he so nervous all of the sudden?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” you meekly apologized. “You seem a bit uptight. Is everything okay?”

He huffed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, sure,” you replied, sarcasm evident in your voice.

“Maybe you’re just more annoying than usual,” he spat, giving you the cold shoulder.

You sighed at his unsurprisingly cold response.

“Have I done something?” You asked, feeling a bit remorseful.

He seemed to tense up all over again at the question as he fumbled with whatever tool he had in his hand at the moment.

“No, everything’s fine. There’s something I must tend to,” he paused for a half second, presumably to come up with a place. “In the bathroom.”

A few seconds passed where you couldn’t find the words to respond. He’d been acting so awkward lately, more awkward than usual.

“...In the bathroom?” You reiterated, unsure if you really heard him correctly.

“Yes– yes, in the bathroom. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he hastily set down the tool, the other gadget he was holding fumbling out of his grip and clattering onto the surface of his desk.

His boots squeaked against the tile flooring of the lab as he made a beeline down the hallway to the restroom.

You couldn’t help but feel a bit heartbroken. The way he acted so disgusted with you to the point where he couldn’t even stand being in the same room as you made you sick.

“Gee, what’s his deal, am I right?” You heard a voice emerge from behind you.

“Oh, hey Gary,” you greeted him, unable to hide the pain in your voice.

“Agh, don’t sound so disappointed!” He gave your arm a light pat as he crunched on an apple, “seems like he’s like that with everyone. If you ask me, though, I get the feeling he likes you too.”

You scoffed, almost laughing at his response.

“I highly doubt that, Gary. You saw how he acted around me. It’s like he hates me, or something!” You groaned into the palms of your hands like a petulant teenager.

He leaned closer to your ear, “let’s keep this between us, but for him to get all awkward and riled up like that? That’s gotta mean something. Take it from me, he likes you.”

You sighed. While he did sound convincing, you really didn’t want to get your hopes up.

“Yeah, I guess so. I hope you’re right,” you replied, until it finally dawned on you.

“Wait, how did you know I liked him?” You asked, brows furrowing.

He wheezed in response, nearly choking on a bit of his apple.

“Well, shit, is everyone in this lab oblivious, or what?” He chuckled, “trust me, though! I’m a guy. I know how guys act. I mean, he brings you coffee every morning, for Pete’s sake.”

“That’s exactly what makes him so confusing! He took the time out of his day to memorize how I like my coffee, and yet every time I try to talk to him he acts like– he acts like I’m some sort of pest!” You couldn’t tell if you were angry or sad, probably both.

“That’s what I’m telling you! He just doesn’t know how to act around you.” He took another bite of his apple, “I’ve gotta go help Trevor with something back at the firehouse. I’ll catch you later, (First Name),” Gary took his leave, making his way down the hall.

You sat back down at your desk, sinking into your chair as his words replayed in your head. Was it really true? Could it be possible that the person Lucky was teasing Lars about just before your arrival– was it you?

After what seemed to be a few more minutes, Lars finally returned to the bathroom and began working on his usual projects. You decided to leave him alone, sinking into your own work, or at least trying to. But you couldn’t help the fact that Lars was living rent free in the back of your mind, hindering your focus at every opportunity.

Looking back down at your paper, you finally came to terms with the fact that no matter how hard you tried, you wouldn’t be able to get any work done until you found out the truth. No matter how painful that truth may be.

“Lars?” You called out, turning in your chair.

“What is it this time?”

You huffed, part of you wondering if you should have just taken that response as an answer in itself.

“Why do you hate me so much?” The question came out sounding far more vulnerable than you intended.

He sighed, one of his hands messily making its way through his hair.

“I don’t,” there was a painfully long pause, “hate you.”

That response in itself was enough to surprise you. But you wanted more.

“I don’t understand.” you replied. “You avoid me at almost every chance you get, and you’re always mean to me. You bring me coffee every morning and yet every time I try to get closer to you, you push me away.”

You heard him groan, his head in his hands as he exasperatedly threw his head back.

“You’re intolerable,” he said. “I hate the way that you bite the tip of your pen, I hate how you twirl your hair around your fingers, I hate your stupid sense of humor, I hate–”

You were about to open your mouth and you weren’t sure if you were about to tell him to go fuck himself or that you hated him just as equally. Neither of which you would’ve actually meant, but you could feel yourself grow hurt, angry, and confused all at the same time with every word he said.

He seemed to contemplate whether or not to continue, “I hate how beautiful you are without even trying! Do you know how hard it is to focus whenever you’re near me?”

Oh.

It all made sense now. You felt your fists unclench and timed seem to slow down as your brain needed time to process what he just said.

Your legs seemed to move on their own as you approached Lars’ tense form. His hands clutched either side of his desk as his head hung low.

“Lars–” your voice was low and gentle.

“Please don’t say anything,” he pleaded. “I know you must be repulsed by me and that’s no one’s fault but my own–”

You’re not sure what came over you, but you quickly tilted his head towards you, standing on your tippy toes as you pressed your lips against his. His breath seemed to get caught in the pit of his throat as he stood completely frozen.

You quickly pulled away the moment you didn’t feel him kiss back, “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked–”

Your apology was quickly interrupted by the feeling of his hands tenderly gripping the sides of your face as he pulled you back in for another kiss. One of his arms wrapped around your waist and gently pressed your body up against his, a low grumble escaping his chest.

Your tongue gently grazed his bottom lip, requesting an entrance as you felt him exhale against you. He melted into you as he pressed your back against the front of his desk, one of his legs finding their way in between your thighs. Your hands made their way into his soft blonde curls, gently tugging on them as he let out another groan. Your bodies felt like they were melting into one other, like you belonged with each other.

“Do you have any idea how painfully irresistible you are?” He grumbled into your skin, his lips pressing against the lower part of your jaw.

You sharply inhaled through your teeth. The feeling of him kissing down your neck sending a shiver down your spine.

“I hadn’t realized you were so pent up,” you replied, nails digging into the back of his uniform.

“Spent so many late nights where you were all I could think about. You have no idea how frustrating that was, do you?” his leg pressed against you, making you squirm.

“Why d’you think I kept trying to get closer to you? I love looking at your stupidly handsome face,” you murmured, licking your lips and going in to kiss him again.

“That right?” his head was tilted as his teeth sunk down on your lower lip.

“It is,” you felt yourself growing needy.

“Ahem!”

The sound of someone loudly clearing their throat could be heard throughout the lab as you both quickly pulled away from each other. Eyes darting to the source of the nose, you were both met by sight of Winston standing in the doorway.

“I was about to congratulate the both of you on your latest findings, but it seems like the two of you are.. busy right now.” He bore an awkward expression, “look, I’ll come back another time. But please not in the lab. That’s disgusting.”

You awkwardly chuckled, “yeah, no. Of course. That’s– we’re at work that would be so unsanitary. And gross. We would never–” Lars had to interrupt your awkward rambling by giving you a quick nudge.

Winston gave the both of you an awkward nod as he quickly walked off.

“Would you want to get takeout on the way home? I can drive you,” Lars meekly suggested.

You couldn’t fight the smile that pricked at the sides of your mouth, “that sounds lovely, Lars.”

#lars pinfield x reader #lars pinfield #ghostbusters frozen empire #reader insert #x female reader #female reader #fluff

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callmewrinkles3 · 11 months

Text

Anti-hero - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist.

Summary: 2021 hasn't exactly been the best season, and Dan's struggling with the car not driving how he wants it to. But he didn't realise that Emmy was struggling with her own work.

Warnings: Zak Brown, McLaren era in general, smut (piv, kink behaviour (marking, domination, praise kinks, light choking, consensual pain by pinching and spanking) that are in the context of a long term already defined relationship but are not explicitly discussed on the page, fingering, teasing. They're kinky kids who love it), explicit aftercare, mentions of race crashes (Monza 2021).

Words: 11k

A/N: We're baaaaaack! This is a bit of a departure for us, and we really hope you like it. As always let us know what you think, we love hearing from you!

September 2021

Dan couldn’t admit it to anyone, but the fact that Em was travelling with him everywhere was probably the best thing in his life right then. Most of the time he was miserable and he fully admitted it. McLaren meant his days were hard, the car felt weird, and it sucked. At least in Zandvoort he’d been able to have some fun in the orange cape, cheering Max on. As much as a clusterfuck that championship battle would be a part of.

The one he’d been assured he’d be a part of next year. He didn’t fully believe Zak anymore. He wanted to but something yelled at him not to.

They were sitting in the private terminal waiting to be told the McLaren jet was ready to go, Dan watching as Em worked for the few minutes before they were called. The VIP area had become normal to him, but for her it was new. It was bright and shiny and he still remembered the first time that she said she didn’t feel like she belonged there.

They’d been in bed in Italy in 2019, flying to Monza from Belgium with Max and Christian in one of the most awkward flights of his life while Em was her usual sweet self. She’d told him that private jets were for important people and she was just Em. It led to his joke that her middle name should be Humble, not Charlotte. But she deserved the world, and the world included that she deserved to be in the jet with him and everyone else.

He loved every piece of her, wanted to tell the world that he loved her but they’d agreed to keep things to themselves. He didn’t know how much longer he could do it. They were down to days until Italy and he was going to say everything, he just had to keep it in till then. He had a plan and he was sticking to it.

He pulled out the carefully wrapped package Max had slipped him after several requests with a “Vicky said these are the best.”, smiling at the still crisp treat.

“Em, here.” He held the stroopwafel out carefully, caramel nearly dripping from the edge as she shook her head and took a sip from her Pepsi bottle. “You don’t want one?”

“I’m not a caramel fan, Danny.”

“But this whole week?” Every time someone gave him one he’d take a bite and offer her one, grinning while she smiled and took a dainty bite in between checking things on her tablet. It became easy to pass it over to her.

“You looked so happy feeding me bites, I didn’t want to break your heart by telling you I don’t like caramel. Toffee yeah, but not caramel.” She smiled at him before turning her head back to work, Dan staring at the woman he loved and her pure ridiculousness.

He watched as she stared at her tablet and frowned at it not doing what she wanted. But he wanted to curl up with her on his lap the same way they were when they flew separately. But instead they’d be separated in the luxurious white leather seats, she’d have her head buried in a book with her earplugs in and trying to ignore everyone around her. It’d be fine. It had to be. Even if they were spending it with people she didn’t feel comfortable around.

Before Dan started with the team he knew she didn’t have anything against Lando. He was a kid who’d joined the grid and was fine. Dan didn’t want to know a whole lot about him after the awkward moment of Lando’s best friend asking Em for coffee in the middle of the paddock when he was a Renault junior and Em was there as Dan’s guest. It took time for Dan to let his jealousy go and Em giggled at it, but he’d finally chilled out. Then Em couldn’t totally chill out about Lando after Monaco.

The “I’ve no sympathy for him” was burned into her brain, she’d had more than one nightmare about it. That kid who didn’t know what he was talking about, who hadn’t ever had to experience anything, saying that? He was showing how privileged he was having walked straight into a team that was expected to be at the top of the midfield. Dan had told her stories about the four day warning he had before his HRT debut, she knew how it had been for him. But Em would take anything that anyone said about her - and God knew she had this year - but if you said something about the people she loved then you were essentially invisible to her. And Lando Norris had reached the invisible stage.

She was always unfailingly polite, saying good morning and good night and making small talk as they were in the same group, but other than that it was radio silence between them. Dan had tried to convince her that it was all fine, Lando was just a kid who needed to learn, but she couldn’t let it go. Months later it was still the same.

She got on the plane just ahead of Dan, smiling at the flight attendant before taking the window seat that Dan pointed her at. He took the seat beside her, Blake and Michael slipping into the seats on the other side of the table. He watched as Lando sat in on the other side, Jon and Lando’s parents there too. Someone pulled an Uno deck out and everyone except Lando’s parents and Em started playing it.

She was sat quietly in her seat, one of the cloth bound classics he’d gotten for her birthday in her hand as she read. He could see the tiny loop of her earplugs just visible, knowing she could hear everyone but was tuning it out to concentrate and it broke his heart a little bit. He wanted to pull her onto his lap, kiss the top of her head and tell her to take a nap because he knew she’d slept badly the last few nights but he couldn’t. She’d have killed him if he tried.

Nobody in McLaren knew anything about them. He wasn’t stupid, he knew there were debates on what he and Em were, but nobody knew the truth. He’d told a mechanic on Lando’s side of the garage to shut up when he made a comment about Em’s ass before. There were rumours all around the paddock and online, he wasn’t blind, but they wouldn’t confirm what they had. He wanted to keep Em safe, and nobody being able to prove that she was the love of his life was easier. Everyone in Renault knew about them - he was convinced Cyril had deliberately started a fight so the cameras were away so he could kiss her at the Nurburgring - and even in Red Bull Christian and Simon had made jokes about Dan’s heart eyes whenever Em was at a race. But it was never public, it was always between them. And in McLaren it just didn’t feel right to tell them.

Em was having issues clicking with them, the constant “if you need an assistant” comments from Zak and Andreas just pissing him off. Em was his assistant, she did a fucking great job and she was getting no respect for it. Zak had insisted that it was teething problems and it’d be fine but it had been going on for nearly nine months now. It was like his driving style and the car, it just couldn’t click right.

So they were avoiding sharing planes whenever possible. He’d organise his own charter, or go with a different driver, or anything. They’d even gone with Fernando at one point, Nando quizzing Dan on the clusterfuck that was the Renault upper echelons while they flew. Or they’d book commercial and deal with looks and selfie requests, because even being on a plane with 150 strangers was better for her anxiety than a tiny jet with people who she didn’t like. Which made no sense to Dan because people at every other team had liked her. There was a reason that she had a standing invitation into multiple hospitality suites if she wanted it.

But they couldn’t help it going to Monza. It was the final leg of the triple header, everyone exhausted and wanting more sleep. So it was easier to say yes and go so they got to the hotel earlier and actually got some sleep. But it meant that he couldn’t cuddle her, he couldn’t even hold her hand and snuggle with her to forget the world existed. Instead she sat there curled in on herself as she was halfway through Pride and Prejudice, a frown on her face and Dan unable to kiss it away.

After a torturous half hour of flying without touching her Dan was tired of it. Friends got to be affectionate with each other, he’d hugged her in public before. He could be touchy with his best friend. He laid his hand over hers, fingers lying in the gaps. She’d put one hand on the armrest as her other hand held her tablet, half looking out the window at the dark night and half paying attention to her screen. She barely even reacted to him, just her fingers loosening and then lacing with his to squeeze for a moment. It said more to him than a thousand words could have.

He knew her well enough to know she’d be silent during the flight, but he wanted to make her smile instead of the small frown on her face. If they were alone he’d have pressed kisses across her cheeks and nose to make her laugh, asking him to stop because his stubble was scratching her. But that wasn’t an option until they were in the hotel in a few hours. The next best option was texting, watching as the notification of his text appeared on her tablet.

The sky should be really jealous.

???

Because it’s pretty outside but it’s nowhere near as pretty as you.

Cocky. Should be jealous of you though, black looks good on you.

You look better on me than black does.

You’re gonna say we can test it out when we get to the hotel, aren’t you?

U know me so well.

Nobody else noticed the tiny smile that appeared on her face, but Dan did. It was there for barely a second but it was enough. At least until he could make sure she was smiling when they were fully alone.

It wasn’t until they were in the car on the way to the hotel and away from the airport that he could hold her hand and press a kiss to her fingers. There were no questions about where anyone was sitting or who was driving, he got straight into the back seat with Emmy, gripping her hand across the middle seat.

“Can we go for pizza after we check into the hotel? I’ve been waiting for one.”

“Already thinking about pizza?” Michael asked it and Dan frowned at his tone, taking it as exhausted.

“I’m never not thinking about pizza in Monza. This pizza keeps me going through the year. Plus, I didn’t throw anyone off the plane or start an argument so I deserve it.”

“You kind of do,” Dan affirmed, lifting their joined hands to his lips to kiss her knuckles.

Emmy’s wishes were his command so if his girl wanted pizza he wasn’t saying no. The fact that her favourite pizza place was also his favourite was an extra point in their relationship. After they checked in, left their things in rooms and Dan pulled her to his room for a quickie to prove his theory of the best way he looked, they left the room to have dinner.

He loved Italy. It was his family’s country, it was the first place that he’d lived on his own in Red Bull supplied housing, he had thousands of memories there. But his favourite ones were Em in Italy with him.

She always seemed happier there, more carefree. The first time he’d brought her to Italy was that first week in Monaco, eating pasta and showing her places he loved. Even when they were busy with work at races she carried herself differently there. When they had their post Monza vacation every year she was always completely relaxed. He grinned just watching her.

He could feel her relax against him as they got out of the car a few streets away from the pizza place. It always felt like he was a little bit of a spy in a foreign land when he was in Monza, the Tifosi out in force. But she was so chilled out that she didn’t say anything when he reached for her hand and held it tightly. Any time they were in public she always gave him her Dan, we’re in public face because they didn’t need any more rumours or people on the internet asking what they were. They didn’t need more people whispering about them.

He didn’t care about it. He couldn’t care less if people talked about him, that came with the territory of his job. But he couldn’t handle people talking about Em and gossiping about her. So he tried to keep his hands from her even when he kept reaching out to take her hand walking anywhere. That night he couldn’t stay away from her and she didn’t say anything about him holding her hand walking down semi familiar streets, or his hand on her lower back as they were brought to their table, or his arm around her shoulder pulling her in for a hug. She didn’t give him a little look or a gentle nudge in the stomach, no whisper to leave her alone while they were in public. It was completely the opposite, after a sip of his beer she was fully leaned against his side and half snuggling him.

“You know what we should do?” Dan whispered in her ear, only half listening to the debate that Michael and Blake were having about the Black Widow movie.

“I’m scared but curious. Tell me,” Em answered as she ignored her lemon drink in favour of another sip from his one allowed beer before a race week fully started.

“Buy a house in Italy.” He watched as her eyes lit up and her face started to move to a grin before she forced it down.

“You’re the most ridiculous man in the world. When would you have time to spend in Italy?”

“We totally could. A cute little house, a couple of bedrooms, a garden, by one of the lakes. It’d be perfect. We should do it.”

“You’re insane.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s not!”

She was saying no but the smile she was fighting to keep off her face was enough to make Dan know it was an excellent idea. After they got engaged and found a place in London he was gonna start trying to find somewhere for them. And hopefully some kids. Showing their kids where their family was from, even if it wasn’t Sicily.

They spent the rest of the night chatting and laughing, eating pizza and joining in the conversation with their friends. Em pretended she was sticking to just soft drinks, stealing a sip from his beer every now and then as Dan winked at her and tried so hard not to kiss her wrinkled nose. The four of them walked back to their hotel as Dan forced himself not to take her hand and kiss her on the street. He had a plan and he was sticking to it. This time next week he'd be on a proper date with her, kissing her and then asking her the question that had been burning a hole in his bag since the previous Christmas. It was going to be perfect.

Em loved lazy Wednesdays in Italy. The fact that she'd had enough of them to know that was a magical feeling. It was the end of their triple header, just one more race to go and then they got to relax and spend a couple of days on the shores of Lake Como. Dan had taken control of booking their trip, a cute villa slightly outside the main tourist area. They spent the day relaxing for most of it. Dan had given her a list of restaurants to look at and they mapped out where they’d eat for the three days. They would have killed for longer but it just wasn’t possible in the middle of the season.

That evening was a sponsor dinner that she had to dress up for and look appropriate to be on Dan’s arm. She hated those nights with a passion. She had to be in a fancy dress and full makeup, talking to the rich men who wanted Dan at events. At least this one was for Google Italy, it was more fun than some of the other events she’d been at. A particularly boring DeWalt shoot came to mind on that.

It was Google shmoozing their own clients, using Dan and Lando to do it. Em stayed on Dan’s arm for the entire night as she smiled and shook hands. Halfway through Zak found them and stopped to talk, his own wife there with him. It was Em left with Tracy for a few moments while Zak took Dan around to speak. The two women had wine glasses in their hands and looked around the room.

“Having a good evening, Emma?” Tracy asked, Em nodding.

“It’s Em, but yeah. These events aren’t always fun but it’s nice to see Dan in his element. It’s part of the job.”

“I suppose. Not every assistant does what you do.” Em took a sip of her wine, careful not to knock the glass back like she really wanted to.

“Dan and I were friends before I started working for him. If it means that Dan can enjoy events a bit more then I don’t mind.” Tracy watched her closely for a few moments but nodded as their respective dates for the night returned.

“Sorry about that, I had to double check some things. Daniel, you’re in with Valtteri for the press conference tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, I am. Should be fun. We’re gonna head off, it’s a busy day tomorrow. See you at the track?”

He took Em’s arm and pulled her along out of the room, the two of them getting into the car and heading back to their hotel. She was tired from the busy room and having to be on around people but she kept it together as they drove on. Dan held her hand on the way back, fingers locked as he pushed a kiss to them. She smiled, looking forward to getting into bed and out of the dress she was in. Even if Dan looked excellent in his suit.

She started pulling pins out of her hair to take it out of the undo she’d managed, Dan standing beside her and pulling them out too. Once they were out he started kissing along her shoulder as he pushed her dress down. Em threw her head back to give him more access before they made it to bed.

Thursdays were weird now. Instead of press conferences it was all digital, the journalists in their hotel rooms asking questions. It meant more setup meetings, more talking, more everything. She used Dan’s meetings as a way to get the weekend planned. But it didn’t seem as busy as normal. Her calendar was half empty. Again.

At Zandvoort she thought it was a mistake but it wasn’t. It didn’t feel right. Em put her worries aside, taking a deep breath as she looked. There had to be an explanation and she needed a moment.

“I’m getting a coffee, anyone want anything?” It was just her, Dan, and Blake upstairs. Michael was out doing some checks and making sure the kitchen was stocked and ready.

“Green tea please Emmy? You make it best.” She laughed at Dan’s puppy eyes, nodding as Blake gave her his order and she went down to the main hospitality area. It didn’t take long to have everything and she went to go back upstairs when a security guard stopped her.

“Sorry Miss, drivers and support only.” His arm blocked the narrow staircase and Em stared at him.

“I am support. I’m Daniel Ricciardo’s assistant, I need to get this up to him.”

“No entry.”

Em sat watching until the guard was called outside and ran upstairs, smiling and pretending it was fine. It had to be fine. There was no other option. The drinks got handed and she watched as they were getting ready until Blake’s phone chimed.

“Shit, Dan, you’ve got a sit down we’ve got to go. Did you not see it Ems?” Blake asked, Em checking.

She stared at her tablet, the realisation hitting her. She wasn’t on any of Dan’s meetings. She looked at Blake’s calendar and his filled up with meetings, things he was in. But hers had a couple of things - the press conference, the race, practices. One of the engineering meetings. A fanzone appearance. But that was it. It was empty and she hated it. Her usually perfectly colour coded calendar was mostly blank and worried her. She was getting blocked out.

“Sorry I must have missed it. My calendar hasn’t synced, I’ll sort it.” Dan and Blake left, Em sitting staring.

She didn’t know why, she didn’t know what had caused this to happen but it was. How? Dan had promised that it was in his contract that his team had full access to all of his information and everything they needed to do their jobs. But she’d missed a meeting and he was nearly late and that was supposed to be why she was there. She had to keep that going. If she didn’t then why was she there?

The evening was half a blur as the realisation she was being pushed out hit her. Security stopping her going up to Dan and Blake. The way McLaren acted in general. All of it. They were pushing her out and forcing her away and she couldn’t keep going like this. It wasn’t fair to her or to Dan if she couldn’t do her job.

“You ok?” Dan asked at dinner, watching her barely touched food.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just been a long, long day. I’m tired.”

“We can go back soon.”

When they got back to the hotel room Em curled up beside him, feeling the warmth of his body around her and the way he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before whispering goodnight. If this was her last race she was going to enjoy it.

Em was always the last one to get up in the morning. She was a night owl, getting up at seven because he had a race was the last thing she ever wanted to do. It was usually him waking her up with kisses and promises that he would bring her for food after that helped. Or early sleepy sex to wake her up. Both were fun for him.

But the bed was never empty at five in the morning. He could count on one hand how many times he’d woken up alone when they’d gone to bed together. The room was dark and silent, Em’s spot cold. She had to have been gone for more than a few minutes.

It took a few seconds for his vision to adjust to the quiet darkness and he slipped out of bed and searched for her. Her clothes were laid out where she’d left them the night before. Her shoes were there by the chair. She had to be either in the bathroom or the adjoining room that was hers in name only.

The worry in his gut turned to cold fear as he opened the bathroom door to discover her missing. His girl was gone and she had to be next door but why was she? What had she done to head to her room? It felt wrong. She should have been beside him. He eased open the adjoining door and spotted a ray of light spilling out from the bathroom. The fear eased. She was there, they could fix everything. It’d be fine. But her quiet sobs got louder as he padded across the carpeted floor to her. It was gut wrenching and painful and he pushed the door open to see his girl curled up on the floor beside the shower, her arms wrapped around her knees as she cried.

Em was in one of his oversized shirts - his in name only because he was pretty sure it was the shirt he’d given her over two years ago to help her sleep when he was travelling and she was still in London - hugging herself. Now that he was in the room her sobs were all encompassing and he had no idea how he didn’t hear her the second he woke up. She looked like a scared child, not the woman who shared his bed and his life and heart every day. This wasn’t the Em he knew.

She looked broken. He sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms, feeling how she tensed until she realised who he was. He wanted to hold her and fight against the world, but he needed to know which of her ghosts he was going to fight that night. But it felt like this time it was a whole haunted mansion. He pushed kisses against her forehead and rocked her gently, telling her how it was gonna be ok no matter what.

“I’m right here, Emmy, I promise. Whatever’s going on we can fix it. I promise. I’ll fix it for us.”

Her tears began to ease and he could look at her face. Her eyes were swollen and red, her cheeks flushed but the rest of her face so pale. He’d never seen her this bad before. She was shaking and trying to pull herself together and he knew she wasn’t gonna have the words to discuss what caused this for a few minutes.

“When you’re ready talk to me, ok? Whatever you need. But tell me what’s wrong so we can fix this. I’m worried about you.” His thumb wiped the tears from her cheeks, but he wasn’t quick enough to get them before more came. Slowly they eased and she could take breaths without sobbing. He kept rocking her until she was ready to speak.

“You need to get ready, D.” She went to get out of his arms but he held on and waited till she looked at him with an angry pout on her lips.

“I’m not going anywhere until we talk. There is nothing more important than you, Emmy. Nothing. You’re crying in the bathroom at five in the morning and you came in here so I couldn’t hear you. What’s going on, Wrinkles? Talk to me.” He stood up still carrying her, bringing her into the main hotel room and sitting on the bed. She was playing with the hem of her shirt nervously but Dan gave her time until she was ready to speak.

“I… Dan they’re pushing me away and they’re stopping me from doing my job. And if I can’t do my job at the track then I shouldn’t be travelling so why am I even here? There’s nothing for me to be here for.” He kept his face calm as she spoke, anger filling his veins. What the fuck.

“What are you talking about, Baby?”

“They didn’t want to let me in your room today. I went down for your tea and when I went to go back upstairs they didn’t let me. I snuck past when he was distracted. It’s why it was cold.”

“Who did that?”

“Some random security guard? I’ve never seen him before, I don’t know his name. He said it was drivers and support only and I wasn’t support.”

“I’ll find out who.” Or at least Blake would. He wasn’t letting them get away with this. He couldn’t.

“Danny they’re not letting me do anything. The meeting you nearly missed wasn’t on my calendar. I’m blocked out from everything and I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s no reason for me to be here now, but I don’t want to be away from all of you. I can’t lose you, Danny. I don’t want to be stuck alone and I don’t want them to keep us apart.” He could see the worry hitting her, and he held on, kissing her forehead while rubbing her back.

“You’re not going anywhere, Emmy. You’re not gonna lose me. I’m not letting you go anywhere you don’t want to without me. You’re the one who keeps us all sane and you can’t do that if you’re at home. When did all this start, Baby?”

“Hungary? Slowly but surely. Spa it was worse and Zandvoort was bad. I didn’t know how to talk to you and Blake about it. I thought maybe I could fix it.” She looked even more nervous, jumping as his phone alarm went off in their room.

“Just my alarm, it’s alright. You did nothing wrong Baby, you hear me? Nothing at all. I’m gonna talk to Blake and we’ll fix it. I promise you, you are perfectly fine and didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Thank you.” She went to stand up but Dan squeezed her tighter before letting go, kissing her cheeks to remove the trace of tears.

“Don’t thank me. You know, right?” He squeezed her hand as she stood.

“I know.” A watery smile filled her face. “I need to get ready, I think I need a shower to fix my face before I’m in public.”

“Grab one. I’m gonna run into Blake for a couple of minutes. Are you ok if I do?”

“I’ll be in the shower, don’t worry.”

“I will anyway. I’m gonna take my phone, if you need me call me and I’ll be back in two.” He made sure she was ok before he shrugged into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He picked up his phone and key before heading out, grabbing Em’s iPad as he did. Blake was a couple of rooms away and answered the door looking tired and annoyed, hair sticking up. When he saw Dan’s face he calmed.

“What happened?”

“Inside. Now.” Blake let him in and Dan handed Em’s iPad over, her calendar open to today. There was practice and qualifying in it and that was it. He saw how Blake raised an eyebrow.

“What the fuck?”

“I heard her crying through the wall. She’s getting left out of everything.”

“I know you share a room, I’m not a fucking idiot.”

“She went back into hers.” He laid out the little information that Em had given him, comparing her calendar to Blake’s. The missing meetings, how she was kept away. Zak asking when he wanted his new assistant to start. Dan had to stay calm but Blake could be angry then.

“I’m getting a meeting before practice. She’s gonna be fine, Dan. She’s not going anywhere. We know this. It’s Em, she keeps us alive half the time. Go back, have a shower, we’ve got breakfast downstairs for eight and then we’ll go from there.”

Too much time had passed since he got up to find her, but Dan pushed himself to get ready and get his head in the game. It was going to be a busy, chaotic morning but Em came first. The four of them ate breakfast together and he watched as she barely ate her yogurt. He stood and went over to the buffet, coming back with a Nutella croissant and a hot chocolate to put in front of her. She never really ate when she was anxious so hopefully something would be better than nothing.

On the drive to the circuit he held Em’s hand. Blake drove, Michael in the front seat beside him. Nerves thrummed through his body as he linked fingers but Em kissed his hand and he relaxed. She was there. She was right there and it was all ok.

When they finally made it into the circuit Michael went to do some checks while the other three went to his driver’s room. Em sat there staring into space while Dan stretched out. Finally it was time to go down to Zak, Blake tapping his shoulder.

“Emmy we’re heading, ok? I’ll be back in a few. If you need anything call me.”

“I will.” She still looked nervous so he leaned over to peck her lips, smiling as they separated.

“It’s gonna be fine. I promised you. Focus on holiday plans, which beach are we going to first?” She smiled at him and nodded, safe in his room. Nobody was going to remove her from it, nobody was going to kick her out. She belonged there.

He went down the stair with Blake, ignoring the look that his friend gave him.

“So you and Em?”

“Nothing.”

“It didn’t look like nothing.”

“We’re nearly there.”

“Nearly?”

“I’m trying to make it work.”

“Mate, I’m saying this as someone who loves both of you. She loves you. Just tell her.”

“We’re nearly there.” By the time Dan spoke they were outside Zak’s office and he shook his head to end the conversation. A knock on the door and they were inside, Zak standing ready to end it.

“Guys can we talk later? I’m heading to a meeting, but after qualifying we can-“

“We’re talking now.” He sat down, watching how Zak sat too. Blake followed suit.

“What’s going on?”

“Why is Em being kept from my calendar and everything she’s supposed to be on? She’s been removed from everything. She’s not supposed to be removed. It’s in my contract. What’s going on?”

“I don’t-“

“Emma isn’t able to do her job. She’s missing things because you’ve been keeping her away from everything she needs. She needs access.” Blake took over and Dan was fine to let him, he ended it. He couldn’t keep himself calm for this. He let the words wash over him until Zak got his laptop up.

“We need to keep our information safe. Having someone not employed by McLaren affects this. It’s why we’ve been asking about getting you a new assistant.”

“And Blake has access to my calendar. He’s not employed by McLaren. I trust Em with everything, you need to trust her too.”

“Fine.”

It took another two minutes before Zak closed the laptop, looking at them. “She’s there. If we lose anything I will blame her for it.”

Dan stood and left, too angry to talk. He had to get into the car soon and he wasn’t going to let it affect him. He couldn’t. Em was most important.

Emmy was still sitting where he’d left her, staring into space. It was clear to him now how much this was affecting her, she hadn’t even opened her tablet and her makeup was heavier than he ever saw it. All he wanted to do was make it better for her and fix things. This he could fix. He could make this better for her. There wasn’t a whole lot he could always fix but this he could fix. She looked up at him when he arrived and Dan smiled.

“Check your calendar.”

It took all of ten seconds for her to see that everything was back in her calendar and he watched her relax into her seat. If Blake wasn’t there he’d have kissed her, but they both had jobs to do and practice was an hour away. It was squeezing her shoulder before he went downstairs to talk to Tom.

After practice it felt like things might go ok. He went over data and grabbed lunch before getting into a fresh race suit for qualifying. Like always Em was the last person he spoke to before he got into the car. She kissed the side of his helmet and smiled with a whispered “Go fast and be safe”.

For the first time in McLaren his qualifying felt like it went right. He got out of the car just six thousandths behind Lando. It was good. Em was grinning from the back of the garage with her headphones still on when he arrived in.

That evening as soon as he could get out he did, wanting nothing more than to get to bed. The early morning had done him in, and Em was dead on her feet. It was a quick dinner in hospitality and back to the hotel, Michael and Blake in the car with them again before going up to their rooms. He watched Emmy get changed and set out her clothes for the next day like she always did. Once they were curled up in bed he pulled her closer, desperate to hold onto her as tightly as he could.

“Apart from the obvious, how was today?” He couldn’t feel her tense up at least. That was a good sign.

“Weird. But ok. Blake was like my shadow today, I was beside him the whole day. There was a weird security guy who kept looking at us but other than that it was good.” Dan felt his stomach clench but he made himself stay calm. He’d noticed extra security but that couldn’t have been why. There was no way there was extra there for his Emmy. Not at all.

He watched her eyes close and her breathing even out, his thumb rubbing circles on her back. Three more nights after this. By this time Tuesday evening he’d have said everything, and Emmy would know all of it. The ring sitting in his bag would have a home on her finger. He had so many plans for them. He wanted to marry her over Christmas when they were in Perth, make it all official. She deserved every moment of happiness he could give her and this was the start of it.

Saturday arriving to the track was different. The security had definitely lessened, and coming in realising that it had was a kick in the teeth. But he had to concentrate and work, as much as he’d rather do anything else. Two days till they were on holiday. Two days. They could do it. He was gonna get a good result and decent points and then he and Emmy were going to Lake Como for a strictly clothing optional holiday and he couldn’t wait.

Practice was shit. There was no easy way around it, no way to make it sound better than it was. It fucking sucked and he hated that it did. He hated that every time he thought he was improving he wasn’t, that he was stuck in a tractor of a car that was worse than he was promised and maybe he’d made a mistake. Maybe he shouldn’t have left Renault, maybe he should have been in the blue and pink Alpine instead. Then the bullshit wouldn’t have happened.

The anger fuelled him as he made his way upstairs to his driver room. He was tired and pissed off and fed up. What he thought was a good decision for his career had fucked him and more importantly it had fucked Em over. He never wanted to see her like that again. Ever.

Emmy was sitting on the couch upstairs, her head jolting up as he arrived in wearing his race suit. Not even seeing her calmed him fully and he knew she could tell.

“What’s wrong?”

“Guess.” She stood up and he wrapped his arms around her, feeling himself ease up on everything. She was there and it was going to be ok.

“What do you need, Danny?”

“I don’t even know.”

“Ok, rephrase. What do you need from me? What do you need to get it out?” She leaned up and kissed him and Dan caught her lips, pushing her against the wall as they made out. She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. He could feel the way that she pushed against him, her hand gripping the back of his neck.

“I think I just need to fuck you against this wall, you know that? Make you scream and have the whole paddock know this is exactly where you belong. Right here with me. But I’ve to change and go to another fucking meeting. Much less fun than what I want.” He could see the way she shivered at his words and he completely knew if he moved his hands she’d be there with him. Instead he just watched her swallow and look up.

“I’m not saying no. I’m saying not here and now.”

“You deserve better than that.”

“Danny when we get back to the hotel I want you to push me against the wall and fuck me, understood?”

His brain short circuited. Emmy was asking him. Emmy. His Emmy who before was too afraid to tell him she hadn’t had an orgasm because when they started sleeping together she thought she’d be left high and dry without one. Asking him to fuck her exactly how she wanted with no thought for anything else? He was a lucky, lucky man.

“You are amazing.” He pecked her lips one last time before just holding her. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to say goodbye and go to engineering and stretch out and everything. He wanted to spend time with his girl away from the world. But he changed his clothes and went downstairs, kissing Em goodbye before he left.

The meeting was boring, getting told to protect Lando off the starting line, as if there was no chance he could make it off himself. He’d won seven races, he could beat Lando off the start line. Even with this car. He knew he could. Finally it was time to start stretching and getting ready, Michael holding out tennis balls and helping him prep.

“You need to concentrate, you’ve got a good chance this weekend.” His trainers words were quiet but Dan could hear the full force of what he meant in them.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you need to clear your head, mate. Worrying about Em isn’t gonna change anything.”

“Oh fuck you.” He stepped back, shaking his head while flapping his arms out to loosen them. “I’m focused on driving, that’s what matters. I have a life too.”

“I’m just saying.”

The pit lane was about to open and he stepped back, staying out of the camera view. Netflix were with them that weekend to make it worse and he had to keep a smile on his face when he didn’t want to. Em was at the stairs up to his driver room, smiling at him and quickly kissing his cheek.

“Drive fast, be safe, I’ll see you at the checkered flag. You’ve got this, Danny.” He squeezed her hand before letting go, desperate for the words to be right. It was going to happen. It had to.

Going back to the garage he zipped up his suit and ignored his name being called. Nobody spoke to him until he was in the car after Em did, it was his rule. As he stepped into the car the music changed to Stayin’ Alive, Dan looking around.

“This DJ should get fucking shot though!” He called out, staring at the team. Seriously? This bullshit again. But when he put his helmet on he forced it out of his head, determined not to hear it. He was gonna do this. He was gonna qualify well.

The start felt like a dream, and the fact that he kept going even with the touch with Pierre was important. Somehow he ended up behind Max and he wasn’t sure what had happened until Tom came over the radio.

“Good job Dan, P3. Lando’s just behind and will protect.”

Monza was fun to drive. Every moment of it was fun, the swooping curves and fast flowing corners leading to the straight where he let the throttle fly. He knew he wouldn’t beat Max, but that moment going around the parabolica knowing he was third was beautiful. The screaming of the fans, Tom congratulating him in his ear, he’d fucking done it. He’d come third in the sprint and yeah maybe it wasn’t an official podium but he’d done it and he could be proud of that. He had to be.

Seeing everyone cheering for him meant everything, Em standing with Blake’s arm around her grinning and he wanted to kiss her in front of the world. She was right there but he just grinned. It was everything.

After the interviews he was on his way back to the garage when Max stopped him with a wide smile. The paddock had cleared and it wasn’t unusual for them to walk together.

“I’m going to fight you, but if you get the start I’ll hold Lewis back.” Dan stopped and stared at the younger man, raising an eyebrow.

“Max, what?”

“If you beat me. Only if, and I’m going to fight for it. But if you do I’ll hold Lewis off for you to get the win. We both know you’re good enough for it.” Max smiled and Dan replied with one, looking at his former teammate. Sometimes he regretted leaving Red Bull more than he could ever admit. It was the right move to spread his wings, but he missed the support he used to have.

“Don’t tell Christian you said that.”

“Christian would be glad if you won and I came second. Better if I win and you come second, but he still likes you. Stop by some time, Daniel. You won’t be run away unless you try to look at our data.”

“Ah Maxy, you know me too well!” He grinned and turned into his garage, immediately welcomed by applause and cheering. It had really happened, and it was glorious.

After a stupid number of meetings and discussions they were finally ready to leave. Em was tired, her feet trudging alongside him until he bent down.

“C’mon, hop up.”

“What?” She asked, Dan indicating for her to get on his back.

“The paddock is empty, nobody’s around. Piggyback to the car, c’mon.” She held on and he walked down while talking to Michael and Blake, Em pushing a kiss to the back of his neck every few steps. He knew she knew what she was doing and he squeezed the back of her thighs, making his girl tense slightly as they walked. It wasn’t long back to the hotel and heading to bed to relax. Or in his case get all of the adrenaline out of his system.

They didn’t even do the mock of having Em go into the room that was supposed to be hers, instead he pulled her into their room, bags dropped just inside the door as it was kicked shut. Em was right there with him, her arm around him until he pinned her against the bathroom door. It was his hand in her hair to pull her head back as he trailed kisses along her jaw. It held her still as his knee split her legs and ran up to push the seam of her jeans against her. She gasped into their kiss as he held onto her.

“What did I promise you I was gonna do tonight?”

“F-fuck me against the wall.” Her words were gasps as his free hand was everywhere, teasing and pinching. It was easy to get her shirt off, exposing the pretty blue sheer lace bra. He couldn’t help himself, bending down to lick at her nipple through the barely there fabric.

“Danny…please…” she groaned and he loved every noise she made. Clothes went everywhere as he lifted her up, pulling the matching underwear down and settling her onto the barely used desk. Her legs were spread as he stood between them, sucking marks into her skin while he made his way to his ultimate destination.

Any man who wouldn’t eat his girl out was a coward as far as Dan was concerned. It was one of his favourite things to do. Em’s hand running through his curls and pulling on them, his fingers and lips and tongue working to bring her to the edge. If he was feeling particularly mean he’d leave her right there for a few moments and watch his girl beg him to move.

Tonight though he wanted to ruin her. He wanted to leave her boneless and well fucked and knowing that he was the one who did this with her. He’d leave it all behind if it meant that his Emmy was happy and he was going to slowly prove that to her.

It didn’t take long for him to feel her first orgasm come up, Em grabbing his hair and biting her lip as he took his mouth away to look up at her.

“I want to hear you. I’m the one who makes you feel like this, let me hear you. C’mon.” Her moans got louder as he dove back in, his fingers hitting the spot he knew was her everything. Once he was satisfied with the hickey he’d bitten into her inner thigh Dan moved back to her clit. He kept licking at her clit while she came, desperate to taste everything he could. It was just them in that hotel room and he was desperate for everything.

When Emmy finally stopped shaking he stood up, watching how she was flushed down her chest. She was absolutely fucking perfect.

“You ok, Baby?” He asked, leaning in to kiss her and hold onto her.

“I’m good. I promise. But you promised me a wall, Mr Ricciardo. Gonna make good on your promise?” She was grinning up at him and Dan stood, pulling her off the desk and her legs wrapping around his hips. His lips met with hers as he got them to the wall, pushing Em against it to give them more support. His fingers grabbed her hips as he finally slid into her, watching as Em looked up at him with wide eyes.

“All mine, Emmy. You’re all mine and I’m gonna make sure you know it.” His hips set a blistering pace against her and he watched as her fingers slid to where they were joined, feeling the way she tightened around him as between his pace and her fingers she came to another orgasm. She was harder to hold up after this one, tiredness taking over but he needed another.

“Third place today so I want to see three orgasms. Can you do it for me? Gonna give me that third so I can see my pretty girl? You can do it Baby, I’ve got you.”

Instead of keeping her there he took steps back towards the bed, still inside Em as he set them down carefully. His girl was right there in his lap riding him and she felt so perfect. He watched her move her hips carefully, suddenly realising how hard he’d been pushing her. There was the start of marks and bruises along her boobs and stomach and Dan moved his hand away, looking at her.

“I’m good. Danny, I’m good, I promise. If I wasn’t I’d have told you to stop. But you told me you were gonna fuck me hard against the wall and I wanted it. And right now I want you to tell me what you like.”

He looked into Em’s eyes and saw the absolute truth of what she was saying, even though part of his brain didn’t fully get it. They were rough, they’d go further kink wise than they intended sometimes, but not like this much. He knew Emmy could see the unsureness in his face and he watched as she picked up his hand and put it at her neck. It was their favourite thing in bed, and he used the feeling of comfort he knew it gave her to keep going. If she wasn’t sure she’d have called red and stopped him.

“Gonna be my good girl? Gonna let me watch you ride me and put on a show? Is that what my Emmy wants to do tonight?” He didn’t have to thrust, his hand keeping Em steady and feeling her move under him. She looked so perfect like that, chest bouncing as he watched her fuck herself on him. His perfect Emmy. He was so close to blurting everything out but not now, not till they were alone. He couldn’t do it during sex, that was just cruel. He needed to do it when they had no distractions.

“Please Danny. Please. Make me feel good.”

“Such a greedy girl for me. Do you deserve another orgasm? Are you my good girl who gets another?” She nodded desperately as she bounced up and down, Dan pulling her lips closer to him.

“What are you, Emmy? Tell me and we’ll see.”

“I’m yours. All yours, Danny. You’re the only one who makes me feel this good. Please let me feel good.”

He could never deny her, pulling her in for a kiss as his fingers went straight to her clit. Between his thrusts, her bouncing, and his fingers she came in less than a minute, Dan following her straight over. He held her as aftershocks went through her body, Em’s head buried in his shoulder while he rubbed her back, unwilling to slip out of her. That meant the moment was gone and he wanted every second of it. He wanted Emmy in all the ways that he could have her. He was so fucking far gone it terrified him. But he was so blissfully happy.

Eventually they had to move, Dan pushing a soft kiss to her forehead as she lifted off him. He hurried to the bathroom to wet a cloth before coming back to clean Emmy up. She was pouting as he did and he couldn’t help but press a kiss to her to wipe it off her face before she went into the bathroom. While she was gone it was a quick call to room service for a strawberry pana cotta and a small cheesecake to be delivered. Dan slipped a robe on to answer the door, clearing their clothes away. He was delighted that he hadn’t actually ripped Em’s underwear getting them off her. One good thing.

When there was a knock on the door he answered with a smile and took the plates while giving a tip. Just as he had them settled on a table Em came out of the bathroom, showered with her hair tied up.

“You doing ok?” He asked, pulling her in for a kiss and running his hands over her.

“Yeah. I think I need some cuddles though.”

“And sugar. I got you dessert. Don’t tell anyone about my cheesecake.”

He shared his cheesecake with her and got bites in return before they curled up in bed together. He didn’t know how, but somehow she was fast asleep against him in about an hour. Emmy’s breathing evened out and he watched her sleep as the bruises he’d left on her chest were darkening. She always grinned every time she spotted a new mark he’d left on her and he hoped this time was the same. Whatever magic was there he didn’t want it to end. But sleep came calling and he had a race to drive the next day.

Em was the one who woke him up the next morning. Her kisses were nicer than his alarm clock, Dan’s hands immediately on her back and pulling her up. He heard her groan, opening his eyes to look at her.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, just sore. It’s good sore, Danny. I promise.” He raised an eyebrow and she laughed. “Honestly. I’m fine. You worked me good last night and every part of it was perfect.” She leaned down to kiss him and Dan smiled into the kiss, chasing Emmy’s lips as she got up.

“You need to shower and I need to get dressed. C’mon Mister Front Row, it’s going to be great. I have faith in you.”

That was all he needed to hear to get out of bed. It was one last kiss to Em before he went into the bathroom to shower. He nearly convinced her for five more minutes of cuddling before they had to get ready but he didn’t get away with it. Instead he showered while she got ready, putting on a McLaren shirt and jeans to be dressed. Once he was done he came out to find Emmy ready to go and he stopped in his tracks.

She was in skinny jeans and vans like usual, but every single part of her dripped his. Her three necklace hanging from her neck, the earrings with three stars he bought her. Her entire outfit was clothes he’d given her as presents and he was nearly sure if he checked her underwear was too. She was a dream and did he really have to leave for the track? It’d be fine to do the race without him. Who’d care?

Instead he pulled her in for a hug and a murmured “thank you” to Em, looking as she smiled up at him.

“For what?”

“For being you and amazing. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Walking into the circuit felt different that morning and he didn’t know why. Things were good and he was going to do his best. He was going to be on that podium no matter what. He could do it.

The time before getting in the car was a blur. He had no idea. He wanted to soak in the moments but he couldn’t, he was focusing on driving. He could drive this place blindfolded. He could do it.

Putting on his suit and boots he took a deep breath before heading downstairs. Em caught him just before he went into the garage. It was another kiss on the cheek and telling him to be fast and safe, but Dan kissed her properly for the briefest of seconds.

“You’ve got this. I’m gonna see you at that barrier.”

He walked in and picked up his balaclava to put it on before getting in the car. But before he could step in Zak caught him, an arm around his shoulder. Nobody ever did that. Emmy was the last person he talked to before he got in the car, always. She was his good luck charm. Even Michael knew not to talk to him when Em had talked to him. He’d get in and connect his earbuds for the radio and then he’d talk to Tom.

“Good luck. It’d be good to have a trophy to show around the MTC on Tuesday along with that medal, wouldn’t it?”

“Tuesday?” His blood ran cold.

“Yeah, we need to celebrate your sprint medal. Did Nicole from PR not tell you yet? Full day in the MTC then. Your calendar was empty so it looked good.”

His calendar was empty because they’d removed Em from access. Without his girl there to block the days out then its looked free. Which meant that their vacation was gone because he had to be in fucking Woking instead.

“See you at the flag!” He wanted to punch Zak’s fucking face. He was so angry he wanted to scream. But instead he got into the car, settling down and putting his helmet on and connecting it to his HANS. The radio connected in while the guys strapped him into place and he had the go ahead to bring the car to the grid. Bring it in, get out, let everything happen.

He had to blank his mind out. It’s was the visualisation crap that Michael beat into his head that he kept going with.

Finally it was the anthems and he bopped along to the Italian one, the texts of good luck from his parents floating in the back of his head.

Waiting for the lights to go out was terrifying. Seeing the five red lights made him nearly forget everything that he’d known for so long, but as soon as they blinked off he was gone. Never ask him how he made it around those first corners but pretty soon he was leading the fucking race.

It was the fastest race of his life. The only time he worried was when the safety car backed everyone up after Max and Lewis crashed, the realisation that he didn’t have Max backing things up worrying him. But he forced himself to stay calm and pushed through, Tom giving him advice on the radio. It was obvious Lando had been ordered not to attack but Dan didn’t care, too focused on making it to the flag.

“YEAH P1! You bloody did it!” Tom was celebrating over the radio, Dan screaming his lungs out. He did it. He fucking did it. Fastest lap and first place and fuck it he did it.

“Deep down I knew this was gonna come, so…thanks. Thanks for having my back. And for anyone who thought I left, I never left. Just moved aside for a while.”

Pulling into that beautiful number one podium spot felt so sweet. He won. He actually won. It took a moment to realise what was happening as he shut the car off, pulling the steering wheel out and standing atop the halo. He fucking did it.Em was there at the barrier, sandwiched between Blake and Michael and he could see tears streaming down his girl’s face in pride and he grinned behind the helmet before tapping his chest three times, watching as she realised.

The jog to the team was sweet, jumping into them in celebration. He hugged Michael and Blake before Em wrapped her arms around him. All he wanted to do was pull his helmet off and kiss her in front of everyone but that wasn’t fair. He couldn’t. So instead he let go and realised she’d been FaceTiming his parents for the race. He took off his helmet and grinned at the camera, a murmured “I love you” escaping before he got pulled back to be weighed and interviewed by DC, a grin on the Scot’s face and the promise of a drink at some point once the cameras were switched off.

He was on the podium. On the top step in Monza. He’d done that and it was a heady feeling to be back up there, the Tifosi cheering because while he might not be a Ferrari driver he was half Australian and for them that was a big moment.

The chaos of interviews and discussions and debriefs and eating were constant, he didn’t have a second to himself for hours. It wasn’t until nearly nine that they were finally done, Zak sending him away to get changed before the party that had been hastily organised for the team in celebration. He bounded up the stairs two at a time, spotting Em in the room before she’d even realised he was there. She stood, grinning and pulling him in for a kiss.

“I am so proud of you. So fucking proud of you. You did that and you proved it to everyone and you are amazing. Well done, Danny.” He pulled her for a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he got the courage to say that they had to cancel everything.

“I need to get in touch with the villa to-“

“I called them earlier to cancel. Turns out the owner is a F1 fan and had put two and two together for when you rented it and your surname. He said congratulations and to call back whenever to rent it out again, there’s no problem. And I cancelled the flight back from Milan to London on Friday. Anything else you need?”

To tell her that he’s completely in love with her. But Emmy deserved better than that. She deserved better than when he was still sweaty after a race because he’d only had a rinse off shower to get the champagne off. She deserved a big gesture, but one somewhere private because if he did it in public she’d be too embarrassed. Just because this plan was ruined didn’t mean it was all bad.

Maybe Austin, the two of them in a city they loved. They were staying back an extra night or two to enjoy it. Or at the farm over Christmas when they got to go home together. After a day of seeing their family. That would be the right way to tell Emmy everything. He’d get down on one knee in their living room with her ring and she’d say yes, he knew her.

“You know, right?” His voice was thick. The tears he wanted to let out were close but he couldn’t start crying or he wouldn’t stop.

“I know. You know too?”

“I really know. C’mon. There’s a party in a couple of hours, let’s go change and shower and maybe nap for an hour.”

He pulled a clean shirt on before picking up his bag, holding his hand out for Emmy to take. At that time of night the paddock was deserted and he didn’t care who saw. If he didn’t get to tell his girl everything this week then he definitely got to hold her fucking hand leaving. He didn't care about the McLaren cameras in his face. He'd already had to give up enough with her this weekend, they didn't get this too.

Taglist.

@dr3lover @sabrinaselina55 @majx00 @tall-tanned-tattoo @lovingdennishauger @lauehr @msolbesg @f1medlife @idkwtfimdoing2 @leclercsbae @hiphopdancer101universe @mehrmonga @lewispool @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @coldheartedmar @sugarbabygirlofdaddy @nonsensical-nonce @a-distantdreamer @tita010 @leslizzle @javden @mloyer @magical-imagination-kgp @danarysstormborn @kakorrhaphiphobia @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @elizanav @neiich @luckyladycreator2 @scotlynaurora @belledawnidk

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clockwayswrites · 2 years

Text

Like Betta Fish Do - Part 11

Masterpost of ao3 link and all parts. wc 2942 (Chapter 8 when on ao3)

“So who’s Jason?” Sam asked without preamble after the rest of the topics had wrapped up.

“Jason?” Tucker echoed.

Danny winced.

He had been hoping Jason wouldn’t come back up. He’d know that was complete foolishness, this was Sam, but he’d still been hoping. Because… he didn’t know how to explain Jason.

Being a halfa was Jason’s secret, one that Danny could tell the other was still struggling with. As much as Danny trusted his friends, it wasn’t up to him if Jason should. It wasn’t his secret to tell (no matter how much it affected him too).

There was also the fact that a little part of Danny didn’t want to tell. Being a halfa might have been Jason’s secret, but Jason was his secret too; his bit of his new life in this new place. Sam and Val and Tucker already had whole piles of little things like that from leaving Amity, but Danny didn’t. Nothing for Danny had been new for so long.

And now there was Jason who was new and amazing and completely different—

“Danny?” Tucker prompted.

Danny was regretting giving them a call on the way back from his first lab class.

“Someone I met when I was just out exploring Gotham some,” Danny lied. There was a little bit of truth there. “We’ve eaten together a few times now.” Donuts and take out while Jason was ill but still. “And he’s been showing me some of Gotham.” Or at least telling him about the city for safety reasons.

There was silence on the other end of the call. Shit, did he not sell it well enough? He had thought without being on video he’d be able to get away with the lie.

Finally, suspiciously, Sam asked, “Is he cute?”

“Ancients Sam!”

“It’s a valid question, you’re weak for the cute ones.”

“This is true,” Val spoke from experience.

“It sorta is, dude,” Tucker agreed. His tone completely (and sympathetically) resigned.

“It’s— I don’t— okay, yes. Fine. He’s built like a brick house, okay? He could kill me with his thighs.”

“TMI, my dude,” Tucker teased.

“No, go on,” Val interjected.

“Oh fuck you all.”

Sam gave an amused scoff. “I don’t think it’s us you want to—”

“Okay!” Danny said loudly, talking over Sam which just made the others dissolve into laughter. “He’s just a friend, okay? He’s a Gotham native who’s been nice. He’s fun to hang out with.”

“Sure Danny,” Val said in a tone that made it clear none of them believed him. “Sam and I have to get going for dinner. Give us an update later on the not boyfriend—”

“And a picture.” Sam chimed in.

“And a last name!”

“I’m not letting you stalk him Tucker.”

“Not stalking, background check.” Danny could practically hear the finger guns Tucker must be doing.

“Bye,” Danny said, firmly, though he knew that they knew he was close to laughing, and ended the call before he fished out his keys to get his door open.

“You know,” Danny said as he started at the scene that greeted him. Jason sat on his couch, looking comically large on the small piece of furniture, messing with some wires. “I don’t remember giving you a key to my apartment.”

“You didn’t,” Jason said, words a little muffled by the screwdriver that he held in his mouth.

“Right.” Danny closed his door. He fumbled blindly with the locks, not taking his eyes off Jason. “So you, what, decided Tuesday was a great day for breaking and entering?”

“Yep. Which is why you need better security,” Jason grabbed the screwdriver and pointed it at Danny who’s eyes flicked between it and Jason’s mouth. “Which is what I’m doing. Setting up better security.”

“You remember the whole I’m half dead thing, right?” Danny drawled, but couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity of it all. The faint feeling he got off Jason’s forming core was a pleased rumble. Like the purring cat that got the canary. How could he be annoyed in the face of that?

“Don’t need you to end up all the way dead, kingya.”

“Okay…” Danny dropped his backpack (his new, tear free backpack) on the tiny island counter. He had adulted up and gotten a new one right before classes started that week and was glad for it. (It was nice to not have to worry about losing things out of the bottom.) He moved to perch on the clutter free edge of the coffee table. He tucked his knees up to his chest to stay out of the way. “What does kingya mean?”

“Pet goldfish in Japanese.”

Danny just started at him, knowing Jason would explain if he just gave it time. He was getting used to these stupid fish names. They were still weird, but he was getting used to them. (Maybe he liked them, a little.)

Jason glanced up from where he was tightening the screw on a plate and grinned. “’Cause you’re my sensei in all things ghost.”

“Ancients,” Danny groaned. “That is the—” No, he would not laugh. “—worst one yet. How am I both a sensei—” Okay so he was laughing, sue him. “—and a pet. That makes no sense! You are fucking ridiculous.”

Jason just smirked and focused on the electronics in his hand.

Once Danny’s laughter had finally calmed, he leaned in to get a look at everything that was covering his coffee table, part of the couch, and even some of Jason. He’d spent enough years with Tucker to know that it was all very custom and very high end; that meant expensive.

“You really didn’t have to do all this,” Danny said. He didn’t know if that was true though. What if Jason’s developing core made it feel like he did?

“Nah. You’re my teacher in ghost, I’m your teacher in Gotham. And rule one of Gotham is if you take precautions you do it. Have you gotten that gas mask yet?” Jason asked, snapping the back back on a camera.

“Jason.”

“Danny.”

“Again. Half dead. I don’t have breathe if I don’t want to.”

Jason blinked at Danny. “What.”

“What what? Like, sure, I have to in human form but I can still hold it for, like, upwards of twenty minutes? I figure that’s long enough to get out of most situations. You could too with practice.”

“Human form,” Jason echoed.

Danny froze. “Oh, shit. I, um, sorta thought that the two forms thing was given.”

Jason rubbed, wearily, at his face. “Fish.”

“I’m sorry!” Danny said, throwing his hands up. “I mean half ghost, half human! What did you think?”

“A mule is half horse half donkey but it doesn’t stop being a mule!”

“Did you know when the horse is the dad it’s called hinney instead?”

“I’m going to stab you with a screwdriver,” Jason grumbled wearily. “Explain, now.”

“Okay. Right. I really thought you knew? I mean I was forced to change when I died. But, right, so,” Danny placed his hands together and tried to gather his thoughts on how explain this. “Ghosts are just, fundamentally different beings than humans. As humans, we take in parts of the word around us— air, water, food— and those things keep us alive as they’re processed by our organs. Ghosts, on the other hand, are the world around them.

“The Infinite Realms—” Danny still struggled sometimes not to call it the Ghost Zone after years of doing so, but he wasn’t going to use a name made up by people who hated ghosts for their home. “—are made up of ectoplasm. Everything there— the structures, the land, the sky, the people— is ectoplasm. Ghosts are too. The closest thing to an organ that ghosts have is their core.”

“You’ve used that word before. When you said you had an ice core,” Jason said. He’d put down the parts he had been messing with and was giving Danny his full attention.

“Probably. Cores are everything for a ghost. If you’re being poetic, you could call it the heart but it’s a bit more like a brain? You have one, but it’s strangled by the corruption. I didn’t want to go too much into it yet when you couldn’t get. Most of it of it would mean nothing to you right now. It would like, I don’t know, trying to explain what a rose smelled like to someone who’s had a stuffed up nose all their life.”

“Right, so, something to come back to,” Jason grumbled.

“Basically. But the core is sort of the only… I guess tangible part of a ghost? But humans have their whole bodies so those two things really aren’t compatible. That’s what makes halfa’s so rare. Somehow the ectoplasm was able to bond with our DNA enough so that our human bodies can handle what our ghost bodies are. But it also made a ghost body for us. It’s a balance.”

Jason leaned back into the couch, arms crossed as he frowned at Danny. “And I’ll get one?”

“Every other halfa has one,” Danny said with a little shrug. “You just don’t have access to it yet I bet if you’ve never changed before. Like, there are some powers or effects that I have access to in this form, but they’re more powerful in my ghost form. So if the corruption are blocking the flow of your ectoplasm and your ability to generate it, you probably just don’t have enough power to change yet.”

Jason’s fingers tapped a restless staccato against his arms as he glare at the other side of the room. Danny tried hard not to fidget as he let Jason absorb the information. He really hadn’t meant to keep something like this from Jason. There were other things he was waiting to talk to Jason about, once they saw how he was developing, but Danny just really hadn’t thought about Jason might have never changed into his ghost form. May it was because he had been buried? Jason was the only half with an actual grave.

Coming out of the portal as Phantom had been everything for Danny. It had been the end of everything. It had also been the beginning of everything. His ghost form had been part of that from the start.

Jason looked back to Danny, who froze under the glacial gaze. “Will you show me?”

Danny’s heart stuttered in his chest.

He’d be revealing Phantom. For the first time, by his own choice, he would be showing someone.

“Hey, fish,” Jason said. He leaned forward and rested a hand on Danny’s knee. “You don’t have to.”

Danny made himself take a breath. He’d stopped breathing.

“Sorry, no, it’s fine.” What would someone in Gotham, home of the Batman, know about a small town hero like Phantom? “I’ve just… I’ve never shown anyone who didn’t already know? I guess it just got to me a for a moment. But, I mean, you do know, you just haven’t see it yet.”

Danny stood up, ‘going ghost’ running his head, as the familiar white rings appeared.

Jason dropped the arm he had raised to block the blinding white light and just stared. He hadn’t known what to expect from Danny changing to his ghost form, but the color change was not part of it. Or the clothing change.

Gone was the black and orange NASA sweater, well worn jeans, and collection of space themed earrings that Danny seemed to love. Instead, Danny wore a tight, long sleeve top that showed off that he was more than just a stick, something that looked a bit like black cargo pants, white combat boots, and white fingerless gloves. There was a white DP was emblazoned on his chest.

He glowed faintly of a blue green that didn’t hold a candle to his bright, bright eyes.

(Jason’s breath caught at the sight of those green eyes.)

“I didn’t know a costume change came as part of the package,” Jason’s mouth said without his permission while he was still trying to process the rest of the details. Like the way that Danny’s now white hair seemed to drift as if gravity had effect on it. It was almost mesmerizing. That was easier to focus on than the green eyes.

Danny rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. What Jason thought must have been a blush crawled up Danny’s cheeks, but it was oddly purple tinted, like this form had a different undertone than blood red.

“Um, yeah. Ghost things for the ghost form? I was stuck in the hazmat suit I had died in for years until I learned to control the ectoplasm that makes up the clothing in this form. It takes some effort to change it but… I didn’t want to be stuck in that any longer.”

Jason resisted the urge to shudder. He couldn’t imagine even being his old Robin outfit for even a moment.

He stood and cross the single step it took to be standing in front of Danny. Smirking, he reached out and flicked Danny’s right ear. “You look naked without your earrings.”

“Yeah, well,” Danny mumbled.

Yep, that purple, magentaish tint was definitely a blush. He felt a little bad for teasing Danny when the other was obviously nervous about this.

“The hair suits yo. It’s a good look,” Jason said. Without really thinking about it, he reached up to run his hands through Danny’s swoop of bangs. The soft strands shifted between his fingers as if they were under water. But his attention went back to the green eyes. “When you’re like this, there’s no…?”

“No what?”

Jason tapped next to his own eye. “Pit Rage. Anger.”

“Oh, no,” Danny said with a thoughtful little frown as he… drifted up?

Holy shit, Danny really was floating. His feet were drifting apart as if they were made of smoke as he rose a few inches up into the air.

“I guess now that I know about ghosts liking to brawl, I can see that a little? Like, I’m more willing to meet a fight if they start it, just like with you, but they also don’t mean any actual harm. Well, most of them don’t,” Danny explained. “The green really is just part of the color change. Some ghosts have red eyes or cyan or something else.”

“Is the white hair a constant?” Jason asked, thinking of his own white streak.

“For halfas it seems to be about being inverted? Like, frootloop has white hair as a human, but it’s black in his ghost form. And Danni matches me. But for full ghosts, lots of them have flaming hair in all sorts of colors. We think that maybe it’s our human half influencing the ghost half. Also maybe why I don’t have blue skin or something.”

“Blue skin?”

“Ghost coloring is weird and very bold,” Danny said with a little shrug. He reached down to grab the not all there foot he had lifted up and just folded his legs under him— sitting cross legged in the air like it was nothing.

“You’re really comfortable like this, aren’t you?”

Danny gave a little shrug. “I mean, yeah. This has been a part of me for eight years. I was a ghost before I was through puberty. But it was a learning curve for sure.”

Jason eyed Danny wearily. “So what haven’t you told me about now?”

“Well, so I mean part of that is that I was a teenager when I changed? So I was a mess in so many ways and we’re— Frostbite and I, I haven’t told anyone else but him about you, not you being a halfa I mean—but we don’t know if you’ll have have the same side effects since Danni didn’t really. But sometimes I would just suddenly go invisible or intangible. The intangibility was the worst because a few times I just… go stuck part way something?”

Jason gave him the flattest stare at that and Danny just grinned bashfully back.

“You don’t have to worry about that yet! You’re no where strong enough, even if those are things that every ghost can do. Frostbite doesn’t think that you’ll really start having any noticeable effects until your core snaps into place anyways. You just might be extra sneaky for a little bit?”

“So it’s just a big mystery?” Jason asked.

“Welcome to being a halfa. I’m sorry.”

He wanted to be mad. It would be so easy to be mad. Danny was keeping things from him. But… a lot of that seemed to be accidental or things they didn’t have a clear answer for or that maybe, actually, didn’t matter yet.

There was enough for him to deal as it was.

And Danny was just so very… Danny. Jason was learning that Danny was earnest, but pretty fucking awful at explaining things. Unless Jason asked specifically, or it came up in conversation, Danny just outright forgot to mention things. There were some problems with that: 1) there was so much to learn about 2) he didn’t know what he didn’t know 3) ghosts were fucking weird

“I promise,” Danny said, a nervous sort of pleading in his words. “I’ll be around for all of it. I’m not saying parts won’t be hard or confusing, but at least you’ll have me here to help?”

Danny was maybe horrible at explaining things and keep missing out details, but he was still trying. Danny was floating right there, offering something that he never had for himself— understanding.

Jason heaved a sigh, leaning into the dramatics of the sound a little. “Fine. Since you can float make yourself useful and help me mount some of the tech in the corners.”

“Sure thing, dead boy.”

Snorting, Jason gathered up one of the cameras. He paused, just briefly, before he turned back to Danny with smirk. “So, does this make you a flying fish?”

The groan he got was worth it.

-----

AN: Danny, raised in a small city in rural Illinois: “Hey I have a fun fact!” I love Danny being so bad at explaining things. He’s trying, he really is, he’s just not great at it. Jason not really mad, he’s just struggling with things a little and coping by making sure that ‘his’ people are safe. Luckily Danny has the friends he does and is used to the odd protectiveness like breaking and entering.

Fun (?) fact: Danny’s black and orange NASA sweater is from the mars rover line the Smithsonian did a few years back. It is very warm and comfy. Anyways, stay delightful darlings!

So, this should be the whole tag list. I’m sure there’s a limit. I’m not sure if I’m over it? So sorry if you’re at the end of the list and not getting pinged! (I removed anyone unabled to be tagged.)

#dp x dc #jason todd #danny fenton #dead on main #dead on main ship #deadonmain #like betta fish do

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puppy-byun · 1 year

Text

Just Friends... Unless...? | Pt. 3

pairing: Hyunjin x Reader / a sprinkle of Seonghwa x Reader

rating: 18+

word count: 13.3k

genre: smut / friends to lovers / angst / university au

warnings: curse words, weed consumption and drinking (not by reader or hyunjin), angst, bad flirting, more angst, ANGST, sex, please use protection please be smart!!!!, fingering, overstimulation, oral (f. receiving), light dirty talk, pet names

summary: You weren’t crushing on Hyunjin. You couldn’t be crushing on Hyunjin because you were just friends, and there was no way he would ever feel the same way about you. Right? Unless...?

note: we're already done with another one i can't believe... I hope you all had fun and enjoyed this & if you did I'd be happy if you leave me your thoughts in a reply or ask hihi

taglist: @chartrucewhore @hyunfruits @petalsnow @yaorzu-blog

previous | masterlist

You didn’t expect Chan to wait for you two days later after your lecture, leaning against the wall next to the exit of your classroom, arms crossed like a father waiting for his daughter to get home in the middle of the night.

“Uhm, hi?” you greeted, not unhappy to see your friend but something in your gut told you he was here with a purpose that you weren’t going to like. Nonetheless you gently disentangled his arms and hooked yours through instead, tugging him along down the hallway and towards the building’s exit. “To what do I owe the honor of you picking me up? Don’t you have classes, too?” you mock scolded, already having an idea why he was here. You were sending a silent prayer that you were wrong.

“I do but apparently if you fake a spontaneous bout of sickness they excuse you before you can throw up in their classroom.” Chan admitted with a proud grin and you swatted him over the back of his head, struggling to reach up.

“Skipping class, I see.” you tsked, shaking your head as if you were disappointed in him. “And here I thought you are a role model.”

Chan let out a dry chuckle, raising an eyebrow. “To whom? Jeongin already is the most responsible one out of you guys. I gave up a while ago with the rest of you.”

You laughed with him, knowing that he was only joking because while some of you were indeed slacking off at times, you knew no one more dedicated to their passions than your friends.

“Anyway, I know what you’re doing, and you know just fine why I’m here.”

“Yes actually I just remembered I wanted to talk to my professor so I’m gonna head back-“ you were already about to turn around and make a swift exit to anywhere where Chan wasn’t but he had expected this and caught your arm faster than you could dive away from his grasp.

“Oh no. We are going to talk now.” Giving in with a sigh you let him pull you along but refused to say anything. This talk would only happen if Chan coaxed it out of you word by word.

“Here, I brought you some endorphins because I have a feeling you need them,” he started, fishing one of your favorite chocolate bars out of his bag. You took it with a mumbled thank you but refused to look at your friend, focusing on the chocolate instead.

“Chan, we already talked at that stupid pool party. What more is there to talk about?”

“For starters, we could talk about what on earth went down after we talked, because Seungmin, Minho and Felix have all separately told me that Hyunjin is basically living in the practice room ever since that night.”

“That’s like, two days. He’s done that before, it’s normal,” you waved him off nonchalantly, refusing to admit anything as long as you didn’t have to. You wish you could say you had managed to not think about that night much, or at least everything that had gone down before you had gone inside with Seonghwa. But your mind was as hyper-focused on Hyunjin as ever, even when he was being an absolute idiot.

“We all know that, but if they’re worried you know it’s exceeding the normal extent. And the fact that you’re not looking at me and keep pretending this chocolate is the most fascinating thing you’ve ever seen is telling me that you know damn well what I’m talking about.”

“Why don’t you go talk to him then?” you huffed, trying not to come off as snappy because Chan didn’t deserve your frustration.

“Because you were my friend first. I can tell you’re unhappy and I want to help, but if you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t do that.”

“You can’t help either way, Chan. But alright,-“ you conceded with a sigh “I’ll tell you. Hyunjin and me kissed, okay?” you dropped that bomb in as meek a voice as possible, ready to move on with your retelling and not dwell on this. “And then he-“

“Hold up, stop right there. When?“ he physically stopped mid-walk, eyes big and hand held out in front of your chest, automatically causing you to look up at him.

“Karaoke night.” You answered automatically. “The others took Jisung home and I offered to take Hyunjin because he was drunk. That’s when.” You finished lamely, hoping to skip the recounting of this night in any more detail.

“The next day he didn’t remember anything. Or he pretended not to remember anything. I doesn’t really matter, because I realized how fucked I am either way. And ever since then things have been really weird between us. The kiss-“ you cringed a bit at that word because it had been so much more, and if it really just had been a kiss the whole situation probably wouldn’t have blown up quite like this. “After the kiss it was weird because I remembered. And whether purposely or not, Hyunjin didn’t. But I thought we’d be fine when he asked if I’d come to the pool party. And then he really exploded on me in a nasty way and now everything is even worse.”

“Was that before or after you got cozy with Seonghwa?”

“After,” you added meekly, his gaze telling you exactly where he was going with this. He didn’t even add anything, just staring at you with a raised brow and letting the pregnant silence weigh in.

Finally you gave in, looking away with a grumpy huff because maybe Chan was making some points, but you had just as many to prove that he was wrong, the biggest one being that you had been friends for three years with no instance of Hyunjin ever indicating he wanted to be more than your friend other than that one time two weeks ago.

“You know, I’ve been talking about this with Changbin and Seungmin a lot, but actually everyone except for you knows.”

You didn’t have to ask what he meant, but you also didn’t indulge him with a reply. Just because they thought they were pinpointing some signs correctly didn’t prove anything unless Hyunjn told anyone himself.

“Why do you think none of us have ever made a move on you, apart from the obvious reasons why I haven’t?”

“Because we’re friends,” you supplied with a tone that clearly implied a heavy duh. You didn’t miss the irony of saying the same thing about Hyunjin and you, yet everything between the two of you was vastly different.

“And you think just because we’re friends Jisung or Changbin have never had a crush on you?”

“What?!” you burst out, too shocked now to continue staying nonchalant and blasé about this when you hadn’t been the whole talk anyways.

Chan was only grinning because he knew he got you now. “Well anyways, that’s not the point,” he added unhelpfully, clearly not going to dwell on this topic right after he dropped a bomb like that.

“Why did you tell me then?!” you pressed on, your brain still processing his last few sentences and not quite keeping up.

“To prove a point, obviously. They’re long over it now- actually over it, not the way you were over Hyunjin.” You punched him in the shoulder for that jab, even though he was regretfully completely right again. “They never acted on it because Hyunjin has always liked you, right from the very beginning.”

“As if Changbin is scared of competing with Hyunjin,” you scoffed, still not buying what Chan was selling you because the idea that Hyunjin liked you was simply too ridiculous.

“He’s not, of course, but everyone can tell how much Hyunjin likes you and no one wants to hurt him that way.”

“Chan, I appreaciate the effort of making me feel better, but none of this makes sense. Why was Hyunjin all over Chaeyoung if he allegedly likes me?”

“Why were you all over Seonghwa?”

“Because I want to get over Hyunjin and I want to prove to myself that I ca- oh.” You stopped mid-sentence, realizing you had talked yourself into this one. You hated to admit that Chan was making sense but there was no way to deny it. Neither you nor Hyunjin had ever had hookups in front of the other in those three years you had known each other, but as soon as you had, both of you had reacted so poorly it was downright embarrassing. Him getting drunk and throwing a fit, you jumping on Seonghwa’s offer to fuck just to prove a point. Maybe Chan was right after all. Yet, if Hyunjin liking you meant him treating you the way he had you weren’t sure you wanted it.

“He still said horrible things to me, Chan. I could tell he wanted his words to hurt. Who does that, especially since he allegedly likes me?”

“Feelings do make us act more irrational and stupid. And he was drunk.”

“Yeah, so? And on top of that he had plenty of time to apologize, yet he did not.”

Chan sighed, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his side in a comforting half-hug.

“Look, I’m not trying to protect him, I’m one hundred percent with you on this. But we’ve all done and said horrible things coming from a place of hurt. You’re not even sure if he remembers the kiss, yet you’re hurt he doesn’t mention it. But you were sober, and if he remembers but for some reason acts as if he doesn’t, then he knows you remember for sure, yet you don’t mention it either.”

You ignored that technically Chan was, once again, right. You couldn’t really blame Hyunjin if he was pretending not to remember, not unless you held yourself accountable too, because you could’ve brought it up just as well, but chickened out.

“So, we agree he’s probably lying to me?” you settled on instead, because this was easier. Being angry at Hyunjin was easier than facing that both of you screwed up big time.

“Listen, if this were any other guy I’d already have punched him in the face personally,” Chan assured you, squeezing your shoulder gently. “But it’s Hyunjin. We’ve all been friends for years. You have been in love for years-“

“Debatable on his part,” you protested just for good measure but Chan simply ignored the comment.

“-while I was hoping this would explode with you two finally fucking, it kinda went the other direction, but that doesn’t mean it’s unfixable.”

And he was right, you didn’t want to give up on this friendship, on Hyunjin, so easily. Feelings or not, he had been one of your closest friends for so long you did not want to lose that over something this stupid. But you were also hurt, and those feelings didn’t just go away either.

“I’ll think about it.” You finally admitted in defeat, feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything going through your head, but you couldn’t deny that talking to Chan had helped. “It’s just a lot to take in and I’m not sure what to do with any of this just yet.”

You weren’t sure a couple of days later either, but the world regrettably didn’t stop spinning for you to figure out your feelings, so you were left with very little choices but to confront them sooner rather than later.

“Come oooooon,” Chaeryoung was whining for the nth time this morning, and you couldn’t really be mad at her. “It’s a Jackson Wang party, you know we cannot pass on that.”

You rolled your eyes, trying not to groan because she couldn’t know all the reasons you very well wanted to pass on a Jackson Wang party since you hadn’t told her. “I’ve literally heard damn near urban legends about his parties, and when we finally get invited to one you want to say no?!”

She had said this, too, at least twice already.

“What do you mean we? Last time I remembered Seonghwa asked me,” you joked, teasing her because this was the only thing you could do since you couldn’t outright be annoyed with her. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t know you had good reasons not to go. If anything, you had to blame yourself for telling her Seonghwa invited you in the first place.

His text message was the first thing you had seen in the morning and in your half-asleep state you had not considered the consequences of telling Chaeryoung you had received an invitation to a party at Jackson Wang’s house. Not only was she dead-set on the fact that there was no way you would decline because she would, quote, ‘rather die than miss this opportunity’.

To make matters worse, she had consequently found out that the invitation had come from none other than Seonghwa directly. Since there were very few scenarios as to why he would invite you her mind immediately jumped to the one plausible conclusion. You didn’t feel like diving into a recount of your night – especially because you’d rather not mention what led up to the decision to leave with Seonghwa, so you just let her construct her own picture of what had happened. You didn’t need to elaborate on whether you had actually slept with him or not before you found out he’s the biggest Star Wars nerd (the R2D2 underwear was a bit of a giveaway though) and had subsequently spent the rest of your night with him trying to convince you you just absolutely had to marathon Star Wars with him.

You were fairly sure that this wasn’t necessarily a booty call (although he probably wouldn’t say no either) – he actually just seemed to enjoy hanging out with you.)

Chaeryoung, however, who was nurturing a never-ending admiration from afar for Hongjoong, had smelled blood, convinced that this was the night she would finally get to make a move.

Since then she had not stopped pestering you for the last three or so hours, constantly bringing up new arguments why you had to go and why there was no reason not to, and you had trouble coming up with an excuse. You couldn’t very well tell her the truth, which was that there was a very high risk Hyunjin would be at the party as well, and you were far from having figured out your feelings and definitely not ready to face him. Then again, you doubted you would know what to do even if you had a week or a month to think about it. Plus, since you doubted Chaeryoung would let go of this, you finally gave in with a sigh, reaching for your phone to ask Chan if he would be going as well and could drive you.

“Don’t ignore me!” Chaeryoung huffed, plopping down on the sofa next to you to catch a glimpse at your phone. “Hold up, are you actually asking Chan do drive us? I convinced you?”

She looked at you so shocked you realized she hadn’t actually been sure she would succeed.

“As if you’d ever let me live it down if I got between you and your shot at getting with Hongjoong.”

“Very true, bestie,” she nodded, poking her tongue out and almost jumping up when your phone buzzed next to you. “Was that Chan? Is he driving us? God I can’t believe I’ll end up making out with Hongjoong tonight.”

If anything, you had to commend her confidence and drive, so you let her have the moment, even though you felt sick at the prospect of probably seeing Hyunjin again already.

Jackson’s house was big, at least from the stories you’d heard. That is what you were telling yourself to calm down and convince yourself there was a chance that you might be spared from running into Hyunjin. Those hopes were crushed mercilessly when you were towed towards Chan’s car by Chaeryoung a few hours later, and you spotted the one boy you had been hoping to avoid on the passenger seat next to Chan. Granted, you only saw the back of his head and the tiniest bit of side profile but that was enough for you to immediately recognize Hyunjin.

Your mood soured almost instantly, feeling a bit betrayed that Chan hadn’t even warned you. Yeah, he was still going with the whole ‘you both need to confront your feelings and sort this out’ thing, but there were subtle ways to push the agenda, and then there was this. Chaeryoung, still thankfully oblivious to the true reason of your hesitancy to go to this party, was dragging you to the car without slowing down, opening the door and greeting everyone with a bright and bubbly hello. You couldn’t share her excitement, half tempted to whack Chan over the head for forcing you into this situation. You hadn’t talked to Hyunjin in days, technically even longer if the awkward half-conversations via texts before that weren’t counted – and they shouldn’t be. And as if to fuck you over even more, the dim lights of the car were not enough to conceal his outfit. God, he had to be doing this on purpose.

He knew he looked good, of course he knew. Ever since he had grown out his hair and bleached it even he couldn’t not notice the effect he had on people around him. Despite that he barely went through any extra effort when you went out, knowing he looked breath-taking as it was.

Not tonight though. Tonight, as if struggling with your feelings for him day by day wasn’t torture enough, he wore his long hair open, casually tucked behind his ears to show off a row of earrings dangling. He’d even gone through the trouble of applying eyeliner – you’d only seen him do that once or twice, despite always telling him how good it looked, but of course tonight he’d remember. It wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the high sleeveless top, that didn’t just show off his arms and shoulders in a way that made it impossible not to look. No, as if that wasn’t enough, the sleeve cut outs were so big if he moved just a bit he might as well just go shirtless. You were just about ready to throw the door shut and run back to your dorm, abandoning ship, but Chaeryoung wasn’t having any of it. She grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the car so decisively you almost banged your head.

At least the light and angle were saving you from the sight of Hyunjin’s lean muscles peeking out thanks to that horrible shirt.

You mumbled out a greeting so silent and grumpy it was only rivalled by Hyunjin’s, and your hopes for having a decent, amicable evening were dwindling rapidly. The looks should have been an incentive to do what Chan kept urging you to do – either talk it out or finally get on Hyunjin’s lap – but in all honestly it only made you angry because there was no way this was a coincidence. He barely ever made an effort, and suddenly tonight he would make sure to tick all the boxes of everything you’d ever mentioned you found attractive?

You were still hoping that Hyunjin might be smarter sober, but the mood between you was undeniably icy already, so you weren’t very optimistic. Even though you hadn’t sorted your feelings out and talking to Chan had only made everything a lot more complicated you desperately wanted to find even the smallest reason to forgive Hyunjin to at least have your friend back. But he wasn’t even looking at you, giving you a vibe so frosty you doubted he even wanted to be forgiven. You had really hoped sober him would be more reasonable than drunk him, but you hadn’t counted on just how petty Hyunjin could be.

“You look good.” You barely caught Chan’s comment, snorting when the words filtered in because he was shamelessly exaggerating.

“If you’d say that to Chaeryoung I’d believe you. I’m wearing sneakers and a shirt, who are you trying to fool?”

You were surprised just how much you were able to shut out Hyunjin and shove those feelings aside even when he was right there. But even so the conversation simply felt off, and how could it not when two out of four people wouldn’t even properly look at each other. It was Chan’s own fault, really, for bringing you both in this situation, but poor Chaeryoung had no idea what was going on. She had undoubtedly caught on to the mood, if her squirming next to you was any indication.

Chaeryoung was talkative by nature, bubbly and sweet, but she could not handle awkward or uncomfortable silences so it had only been a matter of time before she would force up a conversation. You had come surprisingly far before she couldn’t take it any longer; but for the second time today her not being in the loop was coming to bite you in the ass, because what she caught on was the one topic she assumed all of you were in on.

“I wish I could just show up in shorts and a shirt, honestly, but I have a game plan for tonight and that’s getting with Hongjoong, and I’ll be damned if I don’t pull all the heavy weaponry,” she stated, pointing her finger towards her very generously low-cut top as if it hadn’t been clear already what she was talking about. “I still can’t believe you pulled Seonghwa without any effort and you don’t even let me in on your secrets.”

You had laughed when you’d told her about it the first time. It wasn’t so funny now, when you caught Hyunjin stiffen in his seat out of the corner of your eye. Chan, as small as a consolidation as it was, seemed to catch on that maybe this wasn’t the best conversational topic, but Chaeryoung couldn’t know that and judging by how she was worrying the edge of her dress nervously, visibly uncomfortable in this car ride, you already knew she wouldn’t read the room and stop talking.

“If you go home with him again tonight, which, by the way, I really think you should because that pretty boy is quite the catch, you have to tell us beforehand so we don’t end up looking for you all over the house.”

You just desperately wanted her to not push this topic any further but at this point the damage was done and your fingers were digging into the seat of Chan’s car. Hyunjin’s voice came like an icy cut, cold and with a snide you had barely ever heard from him. In a way, this was even worse than the weekend before, because this time he was sober.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask what that even was last weekend. I never pegged you to be the type of girl to throw herself at a guy the way you threw yourself at him.”

For a moment no one said anything, the words sinking in. You were honestly struggling to even come up with anything to say because you didn’t find it in you to throw something equally as malicious at his head when you didn’t mean it.

“What the hell, Hyunjin?!”

It was Chan who spoke up instead, sounding somewhere between irritated and furious, and while you were grateful he felt the need to stand up for you, you feared it would only make things worse. “As if you weren’t close to shoving your hand down Chaeyoung’s bikini top right in that pool. A bit hypocritical to call someone out for flirting, don’t you think?”

You knew Chan was judging neither of you for any of that. But he had already told you that if it were any other guy treating you this way he would’ve already punched him. Apparently Hyunjin slut-shaming you was tethering dangerously close to making Chan forget they were friends.

“Of course you’re going to pick her side.”

You weren’t sure whether you had wanted an answer from Hyunjin beyond that, because it was bad enough, but you should have expected that it would only get much worse when Chaeryoung decided she had to defend you, too, probably irritated at the fact that you were not speaking up for yourself. Outstanding qualities in a friend, but right at that moment you wished she would care for you a little less.

“So, when did you realize you have a crush? Before or after she fucked Seonghwa?” Chaeryoung’s voice was a sneer but what was worse was Hyunjin’s reaction upon hearing her words. Chan had barely parked the car, not even killed the engine yet, and Hyunjin stormed out without another word, banging the car door shut with such force all three of you flinched in your seats.

You had thought it couldn’t possibly be more awkward when you’d entered the car, but now with Hyunjin’s dramatic exit you realized you had been dead wrong. Chan was gripping the stirring wheel so hard his knuckles turned white, and you didn’t even need to fully look at Chaeryoung to catch the look of utter shock on her face. In any other situation you’d have laughed, but now you only felt empty and exhausted.

You didn’t know whether either of them was waiting for you to say something or not, but even if they were, there was nothing you could’ve possibly said. You were as affronted as they were, although probably a hell of a lot more hurt. But now that you were already at the party and the damage was done, there was little you could do, so you decided that you would at least try to make it as pleasant as possible for your friends.

“I thought you wanted to meet Hongjoong, what are we sitting around here for?” you quipped up at Chaeryoung instead, the cheerfulness in your voice sounding forced even to you, but it was honestly the best you could do. You were out of the car before either of them could say something and you heard the car doors shut behind you. Of course they wouldn’t simply leave it at that after what had just happened though.

“Are you sure you still want to go?” Chan’s voice was laced thickly with worry while you heard him hurry after you. You were crossing the ridiculously long driveway with big strides, even more grateful you had opted for sneakers instead of anything less comfortable. You didn’t look back, but you knew Chaeryoung had trouble keeping up with the way she was huffing between her words.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know I was bringing up a touchy topic,” she asserted, sounding honestly guilty even though you’d never dream of blaming her for something that she couldn’t have known and wasn’t her fault.

“You’re clearly upset, can we please go get burgers or something instead and talk about this?” Chan was pleading to a rational part of you that had shut down the moment Hyunjin had banged the car door shut with anger. Of course you were upset, but no amount of talking or fast food could change that.

“Chan is right, this party isn’t important, let’s watch Netflix and trash talk Hyunjin instead,” Chaeryoung reinforced Chan’s arguments, but you weren’t even close to agreeing. Hyunjin had ruined enough of your time by making you upset about him. Turning around with an angry huff you shook your head decidedly.

“Guys, I appreciate your concern but it’s fine. I don’t care. Fuck Hwang Hyunjin.”

You found Seonghwa on the first level balcony, a laughably large space with various lounge chairs, a fire crackling in an iron brazier, and its own, second bar. There would definitely be no one leaving sober for a lack of alcohol.

Seonghwa was lounged on one of the lush looking pillows covering the beach chairs, surrounded by a few other people. You hadn’t been introduced to them but you knew them at least by sight, every single one of them infamous on campus in their own regard. Plastering the brightest smile you could muster on your face you crossed the balcony, side-stepping a few drunk people dancing until you reached Seonghwa, who was already looking at you with a dazzling smile, seemingly actually happy to see you.

“Hey angel. I see you put on the fancy shirt for me,” you glanced down, taking short notice of the shirt Seonghwa was talking about, only to confirm with a nod and a grin.

“Of course. I knew you, at least, would appreciate the effort I took.”

He was still wearing that big goopy grin, but you could tell even in the dim light that his eyes were a little unfocused. If the red cups littering the floor around them and the smell of weed were any indication, you weren’t surprised why.

“C’mere,” Seonghwa drawled, one arm wrapping around your leg so he could pull you towards him. You caught yourself by the edge of the lounge chair before you fell like an idiot, letting him move you on his lap until he was satisfied with the way every part of you was pressed against him as close as possible.

“I get horny when I’m high,” he giggled as an explanation, but probably also as an excuse, when his hand immediately slipped under your shirt to draw small circles on the skin of your hips. So, you might have not come here with the intention of letting this thing with Seonghwa progress anywhere further than indulging his nerdier side, but you were confused, hurt, and suddenly letting him comfort you didn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore.

Your evening had been ruined enough already, so it was easy to simply let yourself sink into his touch, enjoying the simplicity of spending time in someone’s company where you didn’t have to think beyond how you’d get home with him. Maybe the fact that Seonghwa’s and Hyunjin’s social circles didn’t really mingle, so the chances of seeing the latter again tonight were slim, did help.

Seonghwa was introducing you to his friends, Wooyoung and San, whose names you had already known by their reputation alone, but pretended not to out of politeness. You thought you were doing great, making polite conversation and laughing at their jokes even though most of them had some context you couldn’t understand since they were a pretty tight-knit group, and had been for years. But apparently you weren’t as smooth as you had thought you were because Seonghwa was pinching your side - a couple of times, judging by the impatient notion of the movement - to rip you out of your thoughts and get your attention.

“Who upset you angel?”

You froze for a second, whipping your head around to look at him, his stupidly perfect eyebrows scrunched in concern despite how drunk he clearly was.

“It’s nothing.” You waved it off, not wanting to get into it. You were looking for distractions, not yet another person to lament your stupid boy troubles to. “I just had a dumb fight on the way here and it’s pissing me off, although I’m trying not to let it.”

You tried to keep it short, not wanting to burden Seonghwa with things he probably didn’t care about. You got along, yeah, but you were far from calling him a friend already and there was probably no way he actually wanted to hear about your problems, despite looking concerned. And even if he did, you had barely talked about them with your closest friends, so you sure as hell wouldn’t with a near stranger, when all you wanted was to get said fight off your mind.

Seonghwa seemed to contemplate your words for a moment – or maybe he was just trying to make sense of them because he looked and sounded positively wasted and high off his ass. You weren’t quite sure which one it was until he bit his lip, hesitant to speak up.

“Just say whatever you want to say, Hwa. It can’t be worse than some things I’ve heard today already,” you sighed, encouraging him to speak up.

“That fight… was it with that Hyunjin guy?”

For a moment you were too shocked to reply, staring at him open-mouthed because if even his drunk and dazed mind had managed to come to that conclusion then you didn’t even want to know how much of this conflict had gotten through to your friends other than Chan.

“It’s- yeah. With him,” you ended lamely, not really knowing what else to say and since he’d already guessed it you might as well go with the truth. After all it had been Seonghwa who had been there last time when you had fought too, so he probably knew more than the people close to you did.

“I take it you did not talk it out?” he implored further, referring to the last fight where you had told Hyunjin that you would talk about it when he was sober, which ended up not happening. You only shook your head in confirmation to his words.

“Can I be honest with you?” the way he asked you knew that if you said no he wouldn’t hold it against you, but you had gone through so much shit the last weeks some part of you wanted someone to be honest and blunt.

“Go ahead,” you nodded, leaning on your arm to sit yourself up a bit higher and look at him properly.

“Truth is, I’ve been wondering how you spend so much time with all these guys and haven’t ended up fucking at least one of them.”

You had expected many things, but you hadn’t expected Seonghwa to say that. You burst out laughing, looking at him incredulously.

“Because we’re friends,” you emphasized, shaking your head in disbelief. “Nothing against friends fucking, but it’s not like that. They don’t think of me that way.”

Your mind immediately went back to the conversation you’d had with Chan and how he’d so nonchalantly mentioned that some of your friends had, indeed, been crushing on you at some point. And you were quite the liar as well, seeing as how you very much had wanted to sleep with Hyunjin, as friends or as more, so at some point at least one person in the group had thought of someone else that way.

Seonghwa seemed to have drawn a similar conclusion.

“Well, one of them clearly does.”

Obviously he meant Hyunjin, and you didn’t know if it made you feel better or worse that even your hook-up was under the impression that Hyunjin apparently was into you. Gnawing on your lip, you didn’t know what to tell him. You hadn’t sorted anything out and you had come to Seonhwa to have a good time, not to talk about your feelings for another guy.

“Tell you what,” Seonghwa finally sighed, seeing how you weren’t going to answer. He was sitting himself up straighter, gently pushing you off his lap and setting you on the space left on the lounge chair next to him. “I think you should go and clear your head. Whatever it is you guys got going on, you haven’t figured it out. As much as I’d enjoy sleeping with you, getting you to ride me is not the solution you seem to think it is. It’s only gonna make you feel more miserable. I’m a big boy, I can handle rejection. And I’m still holding you to that Star Wars marathon, sex or not.”

You couldn’t reply, still processing how drunk and high Seonghwa ended up giving you bette advice than anything you managed to come up with all evening.

“I like you. That’s precisely why I’m not going to sleep with you, because I think you should talk to that Hyunjin dude and at least give him a piece of your mind for being an absolute asshole to someone as stunning as you.”

If you had expected a lot, you had not expected this from Seonghwa. Despite the slur in his words he was making sense and it scared you how reasonable he was being, when he could’ve just used the chance to get you on his dick faster. But he was right, sleeping with him had sounded really smart in your head, but while the sex would make you feel good, the emotional mess you were in would only get worse. And while he didn’t seem to mind, it wasn’t quite fair to use him as a way to try and get over your crush.

“God, I wish I would have fallen for you instead, this is so much easier,” you cursed, gesturing between the two of you and Seonghwa shook his head with a snort.

“You don’t want that, angel, I’m here for good sex but there’s a lot of commitment issues to unpack.”

You rolled your eyes, whacking him on the arm. Now that you had, if not verbally, admitted to him, of all people, that you were in love with Hyunjin, everything somehow seemed much clearer and simpler.

“So, what am I supposed to do now, Hwa?” you implored, hoping that in his infinite weed-induced wisdom Seonghwa would be able to help you yet again, but it seemed his resources of deep advice were all dried up.

“I don’t know, get wasted? Have some really hot angry sex with that guy? Punch him in the dick? Although if it’s the latter I want to watch, ‘kay? Twitch stream it or something.”

You laughed incredulously, not missing how Seonghwa easily managed to make you feel much more relaxed and at ease even though the topic at hand never failed to make you anxious.

“I can’t believe I’m taking advice from you,” you quickly leant in, pecking him on the lips softly and very much innocently one last time, noticing the small pout on Seonghwa’s lips.

“If it goes south, my bed is still free.”

You threw him a thumbs up and rolled your eyes before politely excusing yourself from his friends. Despite what he’d suggested you weren’t about to look for Hyunjin right away. You definitely were not about to punch him in the dick – at least not yet. Rather, you were looking for Chan so he could take you home. Seonghwa’s words did make a lot of sense but tonight simply wasn’t the right time or the right place.

The house was bigger than you had guessed from the outside, a downright labyrinth and after declining a worrying amount of dubious drinks and strolling for thirty minutes without ever seeing the host himself you finally managed to at least find Chan. He hadn’t been picking up his phone so you’d had to resign to searching for him the old fashioned way, relieved when you finally spotted his mop of blond hair and his comforting voice in what seemed to be yet another guest room. He was sprawled on the bed with another familiar face sitting at the foot of the bed, head leant on the mattress. If you had thought Seonghwa was high you hadn’t been ready for Chan and Seokjin. You knew they were both older and had been friends for a while, Chan always ending up at the bar during karaoke Wednesdays to chat with Jin, but you hadn’t known what these two were usually up to when they spent time together. Hyunjin was there too, lying on a sofa with his phone in hand, but you were almost proud you didn’t even spare him more than a glance, almost staying indifferent.

Not knowing if Chan was in any headspace to have a conversation you decide to try your luck.

“Hey Chan, have you seen Chaeryoung?” you weren’t sure whether you should even expect an answer, but since Chan clearly wasn’t ready to take care of you in any way you decided your friend was the next safe option before you’d actually go back to Seonghwa and do something you might regret.

To your surprise he did mumble something in reply that vaguely sounded like ‘Hongjoong’, which you took as a good sign. Maybe this evening had gone the way it was supposed to for your friend at least. It also meant you couldn’t count on her now, but that was alright if it meant she was getting with the guy she’d been drooling over for months.

However, Chan couldn’t possibly drive you, which also meant you were pretty much out of options. As if he was reading your thoughts Chan slowly sat up, soft smile and eyes hazy, holding the blunt he was smoking in your direction.

“You look like you need this,” he offered as an explanation and you cringed a little inwardly at how obvious you were being time and time again.

“That’s very sweet, but no thanks,” you declined, knowing he only meant well, because he always had your best interest in mind. Contemplating what to do now you fell silent for a moment, feeling Chan’s scrutinizing gaze on you. You were hoping he was too out of it to notice that ever since you’d left the car earlier things had become even more of a mess, but you clearly underestimated him.

“What’s up? Wait why are you not with-“ even high he easily interpreted your panicked glare as a sign to shut up. You didn’t want to bring this topic up in front of Hyunjin yet again for the second time tonight, although since he was in the room as well you also couldn’t very well explain to Chan what had happened. Your mind was rattling with ways to come up with an explanation that would be so nondescript it wouldn’t give away your predicament, but it wasn’t necessary, because Chan caught up scarily fast, sending a quick glance towards Hyunjin before focusing back on you.

“You wanna go home?” You did, but Chan was halfway to getting up and there was no way you’d let him make such a phenomenal mistake and drive in this state just so you’d feel better.

“It’s fine Chan, don’t worry. I’ll just call an Uber or something,” you smiled softly to reassure him. “I can probably find someone to drop me off at campus and walk the res-“

“I can take her, you’re not driving tonight anyways Chan,” Hyunjin interrupted, a statement that didn’t leave any room for protest. It didn’t, at least, for Chan, who spoke up before you could decline.

“That’s a fantastic idea!” His enthusiasm was almost worrying, as was the speed with which he was throwing his car keys in Hyunjin’s direction, who caught them easily. The grin on Chan’s face was clearly meant to be conspiratory but he was anything but subtle and you were questioning who he was even directing it to, because you were definitely not on board with this plan of his to reconcile the two of you.

You were still scrambling for an excuse they would let slide but Hyunjin was already in front of you with the keys lazily dangling from one finger. It was only then it filtered through that he, too, was completely sober, just as you were.

“Alright. Let’s go home,” you admitted with a defeated sigh, hoping that all the horrible scenarios you were already making up in your head wouldn’t be coming true. Hyunjin did seem civil and calm, if not almost like the Hyunjin you knew, but it wasn’t enough to make you forgive and forget all the instances he had shown a whole different side of him and never apologized for it.

You were almost grateful he didn’t put his hand on the small of your back when he led you through the crowds of dancing and drunk people as he usually would have, because you weren’t sure you could have handled it.

The car ride was by far one of the worst ones you had ever experienced, which said a lot considering you had thought the same thing earlier tonight yet were already proven wrong. Earlier had been awkward and uncomfortable but at least Chaeryoung and Chan had been there. Now it was only Hyunjin with you in the passenger seat next to him, the silence spanning so awkwardly and tensely it felt almost tangible. You couldn’t shake the underlying feeling that, just like you, Hyunjin was itching to say something yet for some reason the words wouldn’t come. While you could usually read him you hadn’t been able to do that in weeks. You couldn’t fathom why he wasn’t talking. He didn’t seem like he wanted another confrontation, but you also knew that kind words or apologies took far more bravery, something you yourself currently couldn’t muster either.

You’d never been so glad to see your dorm building when Hyunjin finally parked the car. You mumbled a quick ‘thank you’ for driving you home before you almost fled from the car, thinking that you had finally evaded that awfully tense mood between the two of you. You were proven wrong when you heard another car door fall shut behind you, Hyunjin’s steps unmistakably hurrying after you. You squeezed your eyes shut shortly, taking a deep breath to brace yourself before you halted and turned around to face him. He looked so devastatingly beautiful with his long hair, smoky eyes and the smooth skin of his stomach visible. It hurt all the more because of the situation you were in and you wanted him to leave, certain that you couldn’t handle this.

“You can’t park here,” you stated dismissively, nodding towards where he’d left Chan’s car.

“I don’t care,” he huffed, but you thought that he couldn’t possibly be worked up from running a few steps after you, so it had to be something else. “If I don’t do this now it might never happen.”

You knew, of course, what he meant with ‘this’. The talk that was long overdue. What you didn’t know was what he was going to say, and if what he would say would make it worse. But you couldn’t just shut him down, not when you still wanted him back in your life. You terribly missed him and even you weren’t self-sabotaging enough to interfere with something that could possibly fix this. You did turn around and start walking again, guessing that if he wanted this talk he’d follow, and if he didn’t… you didn’t want to go there, even just hypothetically.

You could hear his footsteps distinctly behind you although he wasn’t talking until you were already walking up the staircase to your dorm.

“Why aren’t you with Seonghwa?”

You almost stumbled, ready to explode but the rational part of your brain that was thankfully still working told you that unlike the last couple of times, there was no maliciousness in his tone. You tried to calm yourself with a few deep breaths before answering.

“Would you like me to be?” You almost managed not to sound snappy.

“What do you think?” his answer came almost immediately, but you weren’t having it. He wanted to talk, so he would talk.

“No, Hyunjin, that’s not how this goes.”

He fell silent again and this time you weren’t sure if he’d lost his resolve. He still didn’t talk when you’d reached your door and unlocked it, stopping in the doorframe indecisively. Your hopes of finally fixing this were dwindling fast, but you weren’t planning on letting him in if this was all you would get. You should have just left, but one look at his eyes, incredibly sad, were enough for you to find yourself talking instead.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Hwa told me to get my head clear and talk to you truthfully. Which is good advice for the both of us, I think. Except we barely even talk anymore, so why did I think that would work?”

You didn’t really expect an answer, even though you knew you were desperately hoping for one. Neither did you leave, even though Hyunjin wasn’t saying anything and you felt an empty pit in your stomach open up. You didn’t know what else to say, and you wanted to leave him there but doing so hurt you probably as much as him, if not more, so you found yourself rooted to the spot despite better judgement. When you couldn’t take it anymore it was you who spoke again, and you were surprised to hear yourself sob when the words finally tumbled over your lips.

“Hyunjin, what happened to us?”

“I don’t know.” This time the answer came immediately, although meek and silent and barely a mumble, and it made you find your resolve again at last.

“You know damn well. You shouldn’t have fingered me on a park bench because you were horny, called me a box to tick on your bucket list and then pretended it didn’t happen.”

“I’m such an idiot.” He sounded thoroughly regretful, but you weren’t done yet now that you’d started.

“Yes, you are. You ruined our friendship because you tried pretending that mistake we made didn’t happen. I was ready to face that but you made me believe you don’t fucking remember.” Technically he had never told you if he had been lying and did remember after all, but by now you were certain even without that confirmation. Him not denying it was as good as one.

“And instead of owning up to it you turn into someone I barely even recognize, hurting me with petty words whenever you, I don’t even know, get jealous? Instead of just talking to me?!”

You were fuming and hurting and you felt wetness coating your cheeks now. The sight of Hyunjin before you would have broken your heart if he hadn’t already done that. He looked as miserable as you felt, hands clenched by his sides, his eyes portraying the same pain you had gone through for the last weeks.

“I thought I’d ruin our friendship if I told you I liked you.”

“So instead you fingered me to get it out of your system? Is that what that was?”

You had heard his confession loud and clear in the quiet hallways, despite his mumbling, but you couldn’t focus on it right now. Chan had been right, Seonghwa had been right, seemingly everyone but you had seemed to know and been correct in their assumptions. But what good did that do when him liking you meant him hurting you?

“I was scared! It would be awkward for you to have a friend be in love with you. You like guys like Yugyeom, or Jaehyun or Hwa-“ he didn’t quite manage to keep the venom out of his voice at the last one “-not me! I was scared out of my mind you would reject me and I’d lose you. But I was drunk that night, and you kept talking about other guys and I realized that eventually I’d lose you to one of them. I couldn’t bear the thought. I shouldn’t have kissed you, but you kissed me back and I thought if that’s all I can have then I’ll take it.”

Hyunjin was talking almost too fast to follow at this point, but for you every single word still felt like forever. It sounded too familiar, too much of a mirror of your own thoughts and feelings. Both of you thinking rushed, drunken kisses were all you could ever have. Both of you dreading the moment the other would be happy with someone else.

“I immediately regretted it. It’s not what I want from you. No, hold on, of course it’s what I want from you. But not like that. I want to hold you after and tell you that I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. God, you’re always so beautiful. I think… I think in a way losing you now showed me that I couldn’t take it.” He hesitated for a moment, stepping one step closer only to hastily move away again as if he barely could hold himself back. “I’m so sorry. I’m gonna leave. I’m- I’m so sorry I hurt you and said all those things to you. You deserve better than as shit of a friend as I have been.”

You were sobbing uncontrolled now, tears filling your eyes so much it was difficult to keep looking at Hyunjin with how much your vision was swimming. You realized he was misunderstanding your reaction because he was clearly as clueless as you and he didn’t understand that you were melting in every way possible because of his words, so you pulled him in, hands clenched in his shirt, face buried in his chest and thankful he immediately reciprocated the hug without hesitation, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tight.

“Hyunjin, I’ve been in love with you for the past three years,” you finally confessed, the words finally breaking free after having been caged in for so long. Your voice was suffocated by his shirt but you were sure he’d heard you just fine because he stiffened, fingers digging into your back.

“Can you say that again?” his voice was shaky and you giggled through your sobs, leaning back a bit with newfound confidence to look at him.

“I’m in love with you,” you’d thought those words so many times, but you never expected to be saying them to Hyunjin, especially not without feeling any fear of rejection.

“I- I think I should come in,” Hyunjin stuttered, disbelief flooding his voice but he was automatically stepping closer again, the softest smile on his face while his thumb gently wiped over your cheek, smudging the tears more than anything. You agreed, stepping back and finally letting him in. You closed the door after him carefully, discreetly wiping at your tears because you suddenly felt a bit embarrassed at how much his words had made you cry. He didn’t settle down anywhere, even though he’d been here a thousand times and usually made himself at home easily, so you rounded him and sat on the couch, hoping he’d follow your lead. You pulled your knees in and although he sat down in a safe distance, no part of him touching you, it was more of a tentative distance like your confessions were too fresh to quite believe them yet.

“Why did you always try and set me up with other girls?” he finally asked, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I never saw you hook-up with anyone and I just wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.”

“Every time you did that I was even more certain you’d never want me,” he spoke with a desperate frustration that would have been funny if you didn’t realize just how much you had been sabotaging yourself over the years. You had had good intentions, but you’d only accidentally been pushing him away. “Didn’t it hurt to see me with Chaeyoung? Because it sure as hell hurt to see you with Seonghwa.”

“Yeah, I almost didn’t notice,” you couldn’t help put supply sarcastically, not angry at him anymore for his stupid jealous behavior.

“Look, I’m so fucking sorry I behaved like an idiot.” You nodded in agreement, although you were smiling at him softly.

“Of course it hurt. But I told myself it’s what would help me get over you.”

“Did it help?”

“Hyunjin, if I knew how to get over you don’t you think I’d done that in the last three years?”

He looked at you for a moment, biting his lip and you could see he was contemplating something. It became clear when his eyes dropped to your lips for just the fraction of a second, but long enough for you to notice.

“Please just kiss me, I know you’re thinking about it.”

His hands were on your cheeks in a heartbeat, lips pressed against yours without hesitation, the distance between you forgotten.

“It’s all I can think about,” his words were mumbled into your kiss and you felt them as much as you heard them. Even though he was kissing you softly there was an urgency to it that resonated in how you were gripping onto his shirt, as if you both had been craving each other so desperately that you were scared of ever letting go again.

Your soft kisses turned hungry the second his teeth grazed your lower lip, your hands clenching and pulling him closer. You were utterly overwhelmed, your head swimming but you never wanted to stop kissing him again. His teeth and tongue were caressing your lips until you were panting softly and he used the moment to slip his tongue into your mouth, finally deepening the kiss.

You almost moaned, the kiss so much more intense than it had been the last time because you both knew you had been fantasizing about this for too long. His hands, initially caressing your cheeks, slipped down to your neck and into your hair. The feeling had you shaking with anticipation and you tangled your own fingers through his hair. You pulled a little, just to see the reaction you could elicit, and when he groaned you completely disregarded holding back. The sound was sweet like honey washing down your body and you pulled your leg over his lap. His hands immediately grabbed onto your thighs and you yelped when he lifted you up with him, stumbling a little.

“Bedroom,” he stated, his voice a bit breathless and you could only nod, a husky and surprisingly needy ‘yes’ drowned out when he leant in to peck your lips again. He knew the way to your bedroom by heart, settling down on your bed a bit clumsily while pulling you on his lap again immediately. Wiggling a little to readjust your thighs on either side of his you relished in his reaction, a subtle shiver washing over his body. You moved your hips again, more purposely this time, grinding yourself down on his crotch in a slow rhythm. You could tell he was holding back by the way his knuckles pressed into the bedsheets turned white from clenching so hard. It only urged you on, your hands resting on his shoulders for stability while you pressed your thighs tighter, rolling your hips against him so closely you could feel him twitch inside his pants against your center. For a short moment you contemplated making him come just like that because watching his reactions you were sure you could, but Hyunjin stopped you, his hands settling on your hips when he finally managed to pull his thoughts together.

To your disappointment he readjusted you on his lap, moving you away from the hard bulge in his pants. You were pouting and he must have noticed because he chuckled, biting his plush bottom lip and moving some of the blonde strands already sticking to his forehead off his skin with one hand.

“Bunny, I’ve fantasized about sleeping with you so many times. I can’t come in my pants now.”

His words turned your pout into a giggle immediately, a hand dropping to his crotch and palming his bulge just enough to get a reaction out of him, his head falling back and focus lost again temporarily. His groans were the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard and you pushed him a little further, causing his self-restraint to crumble. Just the way your hands felt on him even through his pants was too much after he had dreamed about feeling you, having you touch him, so many times.

“Fuck. Fuck- you gotta stop, please,” his voice was somewhere between a groan and a whimper and you palmed him once more, not wanting to stop touching him before you gave in and stopping teasing, letting him catch his breath until he was looking at you again.

His eyes were flitting from your face to your body and back, as if he didn’t know which part of you to look at and it sent warm tingles all over your skin. His eyes were holding so much appreciation and warmth despite the fact that he was painfully hard, and you could tell he wanted to draw this out and savor every second he could finally have you on his lap and needy for him.

Even though you stopped touching him you couldn’t entirely stop teasing him. Grabbing onto the hem of your shirt you swiftly pulled it off, his gaze going to your chest immediately, still covered in a black bra.

His lip was pulled between his teeth again and you decided to push a step further, unclasping the bra and letting it slip off your arms and land on the floor.

The whimper falling over Hyunjin’s lips was divine. The hand still on your thighs was clenching, digging his fingers into your skin hard to resist the urge of ravishing you without holding back. You were driving him crazy with everything you did. The way you knew exactly how much you were testing his self-restraint, undressing on his lap, topless and nipples hard.

And as much as you loved his reactions, seeing how much you were affecting him even though you were barely doing anything, you could feel how wet you were and you were dying to have him touch you and fuck you into the mattress until your throat was raw from screaming his name.

You leant in, lips ghosting over his neck, hoping that your words would finally push him over the edge and kill his self-control.

“You can touch me, Hyunjin.” His name was a raspy breath on your lips, washing over his skin and his fingers clenched once more on your thigh before he was palming your tits. You bit down on his neck, his fingers pinching your nipple and eliciting a deliciously painful sensation. He clearly noticed, repeating the motion, teasing your hard nipples and caressing you until you were holding onto his shoulders again, arching into his hands, the kisses on his neck faltering.

“Hyunjin, you don’t need to hold back for my sake,” you whined, pushing him further, your voice not much above a whisper because you were so desperate to feel him. “You can do whatever you want to me. I trust you.”

The moment you said the words you realized it was true. You trusted him more than you had realized despite everything that had happened between you the last weeks. It was worth finally knowing that he ached as much for you as you had for him.

His reaction to your words wasn’t immediate. Instead he stilled for a second and or the shortest moment you were worried you might have done something wrong or overstepped some unknown line, but then his hand wrapped into the strands of your hair falling over your neck and Hyunjin pulled hard.

You gasped in surprise, the sting running straight to your center and causing your hips to buck, your neck bared to Hyunjin. But he completely ignored it, instead going straight to biting down your chest and finally sucking on your nipple. At the feeling of his lips wrapped around your perked nipple, tongue flicking over it, your brain shut down. A loud, raspy curse fell over your lips and it was the reaction that finally broke Hyunjin and made him throw all restraint away. The need to have you moan his name with his dick inside you was too overwhelming to draw this out, even if he planned to savor every moment as much as possible.

His hand ran up your thigh, diving under your skirt without hesitation and dropping to your wet panties, moving them aside easily. You didn’t have time to process what was going on before he had his fingers running up your slit and between your folds, coating them in your wetness enough so he wouldn’t hurt you, before he slipped both fingers into you.

It didn’t compare to last time, not by far. Either times you could feel he wanted you, but this time he was finger fucking you with the knowledge that you want him, you were wet for him and only for him and you trusted him. It made the curl of his fingers against your walls all the more delicious, wrecking your throat with moans.

“Open my pants,” he was barely forming a full sentence, focused on the way he was shoving his fingers deep inside you to feel you clench around him. “Need to be inside you.”

The words ran straight down between your legs and to his fingers pressing into you.

“Fuck, okay.” You weren’t sure if you were actually nodding or not, your fingers shaking when they settled on his belt, but you couldn’t manage much beyond fumbling with the buckle, fingers too weak and shaking too much to open it. You couldn’t concentrate on anything but the way he was fucking you open with his fingers, giving up after another clumsy attempt and slumping against Hyunjin instead. Your face was buried in his neck and when he pushed into you and spread his fingers you all but forgot anything but fucking yourself deeper onto his fingers. He met the movement of your hips, allowing you to pick the pace until you were a mess, his name etched into his skin with your voice repeatedly moaning it.

“Bunny, can you ride me, or do you want me on top?”

“Top,” you gasped out, clambering off of Hyunjin’s lap while he was slipping his fingers out of you. “Want you to fuck me.”

“God, you’re killing me,” Hyunjin cursed while fumbling a little himself to pull off his pants and underwear. You would have been glad about the payback of him struggling to get out of those tight pants after he’d tortured you with his looks all night, but right now you desperately wanted him, too much to care about any petty feelings.

He was already gripping the hem of that cursed top, eyes fully focused on you kneeling on your bed, and when he stilled you knew he caught on to how you were biting your lip to hold yourself back from saying something.

“Want me to keep this on?” His tone was way too cocky for how hard his dick was and how rattled he already looked, but somehow he still managed. You were still biting down on your lip, unwilling to admit just how much you liked that shirt on him but it wasn’t necessary. “Yeah, you do,” Hyunjin supplied instead with an impossibly cocky smirk, crawling up to you on your bed, surprising you when he gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, a stark contrast to how confidently he had been teasing you just a moment ago.

“Knew I could drive you crazy showing up in this shirt.”

And it was true, but it wasn’t even half the truth.

“Hyunjin, you always drive me crazy.” It wasn’t the words you had expected to come out of your mouth but it was true and you realized you liked telling him those things. Now that there was nothing to be scared of you wanted him to know just how much you liked him, just how much he was on your mind.

He didn’t respond, instead pushing you back onto the mattress and kissing you so deeply it left no doubt he felt just the same way.

The kiss was a tangle of tongue and teeth, biting on your lips and your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist to pull him closer. Hyunjin’s own hand was on your waist to support you, and you could feel his length against your center. He was so incredibly close to slipping inside you, anticipation building in your stomach like liquid fire. You bucked your hips impatiently, causing him to moan into the kiss.

“Shit I don’t have a condom?” Hyunjin breathed, the words barely strung together, lips not separating from yours by more than a breath. “You okay with-“

“God, yes please.”

You knew you shouldn’t be doing this even though you were on birth control, but you wanted Hyunjin so much all your rational thoughts seemed to shut down around him.

It didn’t seem to be going much better for him either, because you had barely said the words when he finally pushed inside you. You were so wet it didn’t hurt at all, and he was stretching you just the right way, not quite painful but filling you up perfectly. Your hand was tangled in his hair, nails digging into his scalp slightly when he was fully settled inside you. He wasn’t moving, and through the haze in your mind you thought he was waiting for your okay until you looked at him and realized he wasn’t even focused on you, his eyes closed and shorter strands of hair falling in front of his face.

“Hyunjin,” you breathed, rolling your hips in emphasis because you desperately wanted him to move. He inhaled sharply, fingers on your hips digging into your skin.

“Hold on – wait. You feel so fucking good. I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

You couldn’t stop the giggle from slipping over your lips at the confession. Even with his dick inside you he managed to made your stomach flutter.

You gently slipped your hand from his hair, caressing his cheek and tucking the loose, sweaty strands of hair behind his ear.

“Take your time baby,” you softly spoke, the pet name flowing naturally, and you felt him shiver softly under your hands in response. “You already make me feel good like this.”

And you meant that, but the reassurance seemed to be enough because the next thing you knew was your nails digging into his shoulder blades when he almost bottomed out only to push back deep inside you. The gentleness from a second ago all but dissipated and when you’d told him you already felt good you hadn’t been prepared for just how good he could make you feel.

Hyunjin was leaning on his arms next to your head, lips ghosting down your neck, pushing into you at a relentless rhythm. You were trying to match his thrusts but he was fucking into you so good, hitting a spot that made the muscles in your legs contract.

You gave up after a couple more thrust, melting into the mattress instead, clutching onto Hyunjin with weak arms while he kept hitting that sweet spot perfectly with every push into you.

Hyunjin, ever the vocal person, kept gasping your name, slipping in praises matched with his thrusts and you couldn’t do much beyond reveling in the feeling of him fucking you into the mattress so well your whole body felt like it was on fire. Warmth was tingling all over your skin and you couldn’t even gather the words to tell him how well he was fucking you, how close you were.

But he could tell by the way you were gasping, moans swallowed by how breathless you were, clenching around his dick every time he rutted into you until he was struggling to hold back his own orgasm. His hand slipped between you, finger drawing soft circles on your clit and it was enough to finally topple you over the edge and have you see stars.

“Baby I’m gonna- fuck-“ your words turned into whimpers when your orgasm washed over you, skin tingling all over and blood rushing in your ears.

“’M gonna pull out-“ Hyunjin started and you were sure your nails were leaving marks by how hard you held him back in response, keeping his body pressed up against yours, nipples rubbing against his shirt with delicious friction.

“No, please come inside, wanna feel you come inside me,” you were whining, the sound foreign to your own ears but it was enough to convince Hyunjin, whose groan next to your ear was enough to send another wave of shivers racking down your body. You could barely register the unsteady rhythm he picked up again, dick twitching inside you when you felt yourself clench around him again, waves of your orgasm running through your body and finally pulling him over with you. You felt his warm cum spill inside you, his face pressing into your skin, a loud moan etched into your skin, followed by a string of praise. Hyunjin was telling you how good you felt, how much he loved fucking you, punctuated by uneven thrusts carrying him through his orgasm.

You didn’t know how long it took until you could gather any coherent thought again. Your skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, Hyunjin slumped on top of you with his face still buried in your neck and breathing hard. He was still inside you, his length gone soft and you knew if he pulled out you’d be making a mess of your bedsheets but you couldn’t bring yourself to regret having him come inside you, not when you had never felt more satisfied and thoroughly fucked out.

“Promise you’ll ride me next time, bunny?” Hyunjin almost purred against your skin, still out of breath but his hands were already drawing soft patterns on your chest, small kisses pressed against your neck.

“You’ve been thinking about that a lot, haven’t you?” you giggled, trying to suppress a shiver when his thumb brushed your nipple. “I can’t make promises if you make me this weak every time, Hyunjin. I feel like my legs are jelly.”

“Mh, did I fuck you that well?” Despite his crude words his tone was soft and teasing and you could tell by his tone that he was smiling. It made the butterflies in your stomach flutter yet again, and it seemed like they hadn’t calmed down ever since Hyunjin had confessed his feelings earlier. “I didn’t even try, I wonder what would happen if I did?”

When he pulled out of you you were almost embarrassed by the whimper escaping your mouth. You were still way too sensitive, and the feeling of his soft dick slipping out of you, followed by his cum was almost too much to take.

Your hands slipped off his back when he moved up to his knees, readjusting his position so he could run his lips down your collarbones and chest. Realizing where this was going when his hair was tickling your stomach and his hand trailed down to the inside of your thigh, that point already so sensitive you felt an involuntary shiver run through you, you quickly carded your hand through his hair to stop him.

“Hyunjin I don’t think I can-“ He stopped you with a wolfish grin, his fingers wandering from your thigh to your center, ghosting over it so softly he was barely touching you, but even that was already too much. “Fuck, Hyunjin, I’m so sensitive.”

“Want me to stop?” Despite his intentions concern laced through his voice and you knew he would stop if you said so right now. You didn’t say anything, just weakly shook your head while you felt his grin ghost over your skin, down your stomach until his teeth grazed your inner thighs, a hard shudder raking over your body. You knew you wouldn’t be able to take much but you wanted this so bad, didn’t want to let go of Hyunjin, for him to stop treating you as if you were the most precious thing on earth to him.

When he finally licked a soft stripe along your center, tasting himself and you mixed from your orgasms you almost thought you would black out. You were dizzy from your first orgasm, breath already raspy and Hyunjin’s lips and tongue were almost too much. He made sure not to run his tongue over your clit, careful not to send you in overdrive already. Instead, he resorted to soft kitten licks that only mixed his saliva with the mess he had already left between your legs and made you clench around nothing. His fingers were caressing your thighs, holding you in place just enough so you couldn’t clamp your legs shut.

You were gasping, struggling to keep up because all you could feel was the tingling sensations Hyunjin was sending all over your body with his tongue. You vaguely registered that you were whimpering, small little sounds that mixed with his name and your nails were digging into the bedsheets.

You weren’t even sure you could come again already, not when you felt too sensitive to handle Hyunjin’s tongue between your legs, but you were proven wrong when he finally let his mouth run up to your clit.

“Ohmygod I-“ you couldn’t finish the sentence properly, not sure where you would have gone with it either way, because Hyunjin’s lips were wrapped around your clit and he was sucking and you were seeing stars and you couldn’t hear how he was praising you over your desperate gasps.

It took a while before you realized Hyunjin was splattering your neck and chest with soft kisses, meant to caress and help you calm down until you weren’t shaking anymore, his hands lazily wrapped around your waist.

“You good?” he finally asked with a sweet smile when your gaze was finally focused on him, but you could tell by the glint in his eyes that he knew just fine that you were more than good thanks to him.

You took a moment to let your eyes run over him and take in every detail, the loose strands of black hair fluttering into his face and sticking to his forehead. His eyes, sparkling with admiration that made your heart melt. The beauty mark under his eye, his softly sloped nose. His lips, swollen and glistening wetly, pulled into a smile that was so much Hyunjin that you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning in and pressing a light kiss to his mouth.

“What do you think?” you mused in response finally, pressing another quick peck to his lips, a smile gracing yours when he whined when you pulled away.

You thought that you could stay like this with him forever, just Hyunjin and you together, so clearly head over heels for each other that you didn’t understand how both of you hadn’t seen it sooner. But the moment was broken up when the front door banged open so unceremoniously you could almost feel the dent in the wall, and your name was shouted through the dorm room way louder than it should be in the middle of the night.

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, scrambling out from under Hyunjin, grasping for something to pull on and settling on his shirt because it was the first thing you could grab that would cover not just your chest but the entirety of the sticky mess he had left between your legs. Not that covering it up would discard any doubt of what you had just done. It was still highly uncomfortable and you were pulling down the shirt over your legs as far as it would go from where you were sitting, while Hyunjin was desperately trying to put on his underwear without falling and breaking his neck. He looked even worse than you probably, everything from his hair to his lips giving away that he’d just had sex, if him only being in his underwear wouldn’t have already done so. But there was no time to fix anything else before Chaeryoung, followed by Felix, Seungmin and Chan burst into your room, all of them cramming in together. Both Chaeryoung and Chan were very clearly coming straight from the party, one drunk and the other still very stoned, but Felix and Seungmin had clearly come to pick them up. They were completely sober and thus assessed the situation in front of them way faster than the other two.

Felix had the decency to at least blush, although he still didn’t hold back the grin sneaking on his face. Seungmin, much worse, fished money out of his pocket and casually handed it to Chan.

“Bro, I told you I’m not betting on this!” the other replied, his whole reaction lacking gravity because he was just ridiculously calm even though his words sounded like he would have protested stronger under different circumstances.

Seungmin just shrugged and pocketed his money again, but you didn’t have time to dwell on the fact that he had clearly wanted to bet on whether you were sleeping with Hyunjin or not, because Chaeryoung finally showed her very belated reaction by simply screeching at a volume that was nothing but irritating and could be interpreted in many ways. It almost drowned out the beeping of Seungmin’s phone, who nonchalantly turned the screen towards you and Hyunjin so you could see the messages in the group chat.

“Can’t believe you two were even worse than Jisung and Karaoke Girl. Jeongin says ‘fucking finally’ by the way.”

You didn’t need to read the messages to know that everyone in your group knew about you and Hyunjin before you yourself had even properly processed the entire night, but it was just as well. You had already been annoyingly touchy before, and this way at least they had time to prepare for the fact that there was no way you would keep your hands off each other ever again now.

#hyunjin #hyunjin smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #hwang hyunjin #guys im SO sorry i initially forgot about the taglist #i was posting this at work when my boss wasn't in the room lmao i was STRESSED #i hope i didnt forget anyone!!

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xfgpng · 11 months

Text

reader description :: petite asian female, 21, 5’0, medium length straight hair + pale skin

reader :: jackie lee

commissioned :: ✔️ (as in a follower’s oc lmao, not my own)

wc :: 1.6k

warnings :: smut, fluff, mentions of blood, face slapping, name calling

it had been a few days since waking up in the manor. jackie had tried to wrap her head around just how she ended up in this situation. she remembers the ramen on her desk and the manga being open. she doesn’t even remember the chapter she had been on before everything had went blank.

she wondered if she had perhaps passed out from exhaustion and that she’d wake up any moment but after a few days of cleaning up and following orders from the demon butler, she knew she was stuck.

“you said i could have the day off if i did all the chores early” jackie frowned, “please sebby?”

that was another thing she had begun doing the moment she realised she was in fact in the kuroshitsuji universe. she had always harboured a very strong crush on the character, he was her favourite after all but nothing could ever make up for the real thing.

“get on with it, would you?” sebastian sighs, “have i not told you not to disturb the young master when he’s busy?”

“i’m disturbing you” she grins, “i could be more than just a young master for you”

he rolls his eyes but he can’t help himself. he eyes her frame careful, the way her cute breasts are covered perfectly by the soft fabric of her uniform. the skirt being shorter than necessary because he could admit that he was a pervert and seeing her bend over while struggling to keep the pathetic piece of material down was very amusing.

“i told you to stay in your room when we have guests over” he ignores her remarks, “go now”

“guests?” she perks up at that, peaking her head into the study. she can’t make out what’s being said but she knows it’s important. all the more reason to annoy the butler.

“i’ll go.. if you make a deal with me” she reaches up to grab his collar, “i’d make it worth your while”

“please” he scoffs, “you think i haven’t had my fair share of humans?”

“none like me” she smiles but he can tell that smile is far from innocent.

he’s about to chastise her when ciel calls her into the study. he doesn’t seem phased by the look sebastian gives him, asking the butler to get their guests some tea and desserts.

“cie— young master?” jackie smiles, she remembers him telling her that she would still have to act normal around outsiders. she didn’t bother explaining where she came from and it was easy to pretend that it was sebastian’s doing. the butler could deny it all he wanted but ciel was still suspicious enough to believe her and she played into his suspicions every chance she got.

“i want to introduce you” ciel says and spends the next 5 minutes making unnecessary introductions that jackie knows isn’t even important but he’s doing it to spite her.

 she supposes she was a bit of a brat all week.

“i see” one of the men says, grinning as he looks at the hem of her skirt, “she looks … promising”

jackie grins at the man, feeling sebastian’s eyes on her as she purposefully leans closer to the older man. he was far from her type, her heart belonging only to the demon butler but it was fun to piss him off.

“i thought you said you loved me” he says dryly, gripping her by her waist and pushing her against the wall when she finally leaves the study.

“ready to make that deal?” she asks, ignoring the pain, knowing it’ll leave a mark. she liked the feeling but it just wasn’t enough for her.

“no” he says firmly, “i cannot make —”

“i know” she grins, “it won’t stop me from asking”

“you infuriate me” he lets go of her and takes a step back, “you’re free to leave and starting from tomorrow, you are to wear pants only”

“i don’t work for you” she rolls her eyes even though she technically did, she was still a worker for ciel and the young master of the manor seemed to find her useful.

was he jealous? he was the one who insisted she wore the skirt in the first place. the idea of riling him up was far too exciting.

a demon incapable of love but still had the nerve to feel jealousy? she laughed to herself.

jackie doesn’t wait for his response, walking off to her private quarters. she knew she was pushing her luck, after all, he wasn’t human and it would be too easy to kill her but she had a feeling that despite his indifference, he cared in his own way.

“do you think you can just walk away from me?” he pushes her onto her bed, caging her in. she hadn’t expected him to follow, not so soon after playing this cat and mouse game since she arrived.

she would find ways to make him angry on purpose and she knew how much he hated when she would entertain other men that found her attractive and that was most men, especially when they would travel for their… business.

“is this what you wanted hm?” he asks, “such a fucking slut, parading yourself around like a piece of meat?”

“sebastian i—”

“quiet” he snaps, gripping her jaw and finally kissing her the way she’s been dreaming about for days.

“so easy” he scoffs, moving away but she stops him. jackie was more than ready, lifting up to meet him halfway, too enthusiastic for someone who just met the man.

reading about him as your favourite character was different than having said character in your bed, ready to devour you until there was nothing left of you.

“please” she wraps her legs around him, wearing nothing but a shirt since she didn’t have time to fully undress before he barged in.

“please what?” he laughs, “you’re that fucking desperate for me or are you willing to let any man fuck you?”

“maybe” she smirks, unbuttoning her own shirt, “maybe they’ll give me what i want”

 the slap should shock her but it doesn’t. she feels the sting but the sound was more intense than the feeling but it still made her moan, eyes widening in shock at the pleased look on his face.

“you talk too much” he removes his gloves before the rest of his clothing, “spread your legs and keep it open for me”

she does as she’s told, far too excited to make him angry. apart of her still worried that he’d leave her high and dry just to prove a point.

“good girl” he grins, slipping his index finger into her pussy. he’s not surprised at how wet she is. he knows the effect he has on people, especially her.

“sebastian please” she gasps, gripping the sheets, “i want you”

“i know” he grins, “you’ve wanted me all this time, haven’t you?”

she can tell he’s mocking her but the way he looks down at her, teasing her, only makes her blush, wanting him more. jackie was starting to wonder if she was secretly a masochist, running after a man that was so far out of reach.

not that she cared, she wanted him. he had been so indifferent towards her but he would still secretly watch her from afar, unable to help himself because he needed to know she was safe. the feelings were all too confusing for a demon such as himself to understand so this, taking her this way, was all he could do.

it was all he could give to her because falling in love was out of the question. there was no such thing.

he pressed the tip of his cock into her slowly, gripping her waist hard enough that it would leave marks, proof of who she belonged to.

he didn’t believe in the heavens and he certainly didn’t think there was a god strong enough to challenge him but between her thighs, it could be the closest thing to finding out what heaven really was.

“fuck” he groans, biting down onto her shoulder to control himself. he would never lose himself in a woman like this and yet here he was, closer than he’d like to be.

she moan loudly, he was sure everyone in the manor had heard her and it’s not like she could help it, he was so much bigger than she was and the stretch was painful.

when he looked down, he couldn’t help but moan at the sight. she was stretched far beyond her limits and the tiny droplets of blood did nothing but make him want to ruin her further.

he didn’t wait for her to give him the green light, picking up his pace and fucking her into her bed like some cheap whore at the red light district.

“don’t try and run” he warns, gripping her jaw tightly, “this is what you wanted”

“too much” she whines, not sure if she wanted him to slow down or go faster. her body felt like it was on fire and the more he moved inside her, the more she wanted him.

“good, take it like the good girl you are” he laughs, kissing her as he lifts her leg up. she was just so easy to move around.

he’s very own little play thing and he supposed it was better than finding time to fool around with how bossy the young master was.

here, in the manor, he had his very own jackie and it wasn’t like she could leave anyway. maybe he would trap her soul after all.

#[ 🪼 ] xfg writes #[ 📍 xfgpng follower reqs ]#reader insert #kuroshitsuji sebastian smut #kuroshitsuji smut #black butler sebastian smut #sebastian michaelis smut #black butler smut #sebastian michaelis #sebastian michaelis x reader

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yurislotusgarden · 1 year

Note

Hello there, are still open for some requests ?

If you are, may I request some platonic short fic for Dazai, in a story where Dazai and reader (female) are hanging out or having fun together at a Cat Cafe. So reader is having a bad day and Dazai decided to cheer reader up by taking her to the Cat Cafe

Some small information, Reader is Dazai’s younger sister in the story, and she lives together with Dazai, but to avoid some misunderstanding they sleeps in a separate bed room

That’s all, thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day 💐💖💐

Cat Cafe is the solution

ʚїɞ Platonic!Dazai Osamu x Reader

ʚїɞ Keep in mind English is not my first language, so there may be mistakes!

ʚїɞ Word count: 927

ʚїɞ I don't like this one too much, it sucks compared to my other works (in my opinion). I do not know why I struggled with this one so much since I never struggled with writing platonic fics??? We are also gonna ignore that I didn't post anything for almost a month :)

ʚїɞ Tw's: None! reader's gender is said to be female from one "little sister but otherwise I didn't write anything else about the gender (I didn't even notice help)

A knock on the door to your room caused you to pry your eyes away from the book you were reading. Looking up, in the doorway was standing none other than your annoying, yet beloved older brother, Dazai Osamu.

“Do you need anything?” You asked looking over at the clock on your nightstand. 14:52 (2:52 pm), an hour Dazai still should be at his job, but it’s normal for him to randomly come back to the small agency apartment you two live in. “And shouldn’t you be in the agency? Kunikida is gonna scold you again”

“We’re going out!” You get dismissed, but you ignore that fact due to your confusion. “Huh? Where?” “That’s a surprise!” You sighed. Of course, the brunette wouldn’t tell you, what did you expect? Before you could react, the brunette came up to you, grabbed your wrist, and pulled gently until you stood up from your bed where you were sitting, the book falling onto the bed. You just hope the page you were on wasn’t lost.

“C’mon! N/n, we need to go before Kunikida realizes where I went” Oh, so you weren’t fully dismissed earlier.

“Why did you even randomly decide to take me somewhere?” “Oh why, It’s my duty as your older brother to make your day better, little sister!” How did he even know your day was shit even without talking much with you today? You won’t question it, you gave up on that years ago.

////////////////////////////////

“Cat cafe?”

Here are the two of you standing in front of a small cafe which you quickly noticed to be a cat cafe to be specific. If you remember correctly, the cafe opened only 2 weeks prior, you’re not gonna hide you wanted to go here with what you heard about this place.

“Yeah, Yosano-sensei told me that you talked about this place last week in one of your guys' gossip talks” “Wha- She said she won’t tell you!”

The ‘gossip talks’ as named by Dazai, aren’t really only for that -even tho gossip is the thing that is mostly talked about at those meets- but just talking about random things with a little alcohol… no one needs to know about the other part.

“She didn’t want to tell me absolutely anything until I bribed her with something that will hurt my wallet a lot”

“You mean Kunikida-kun’s wallet”

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

You think that maybe you should buy something for Kunikida for putting up with your brother’s bullshit all the time, maybe a new pen? Or pay for one of his meals? Maybe- And there you go being dragged again, this time into the cafe itself instead.

////////////////////

The interior was welcoming when the two entered the cafe, the bell above the door jingling, alerting the workers that more customers arrived. The beige and brown walls made it seem homely and comfortable. The cold air from the AC was gently blowing on you and the brunette, instantly cooling both of you down from the warm fall air. Since the cafe was fairly empty at this time, you and Dazai went to sit down at a booth in the far left corner by a window after ordering drinks. You could hear quiet music playing from the speakers in the cafe after listening a little more closely.

“Do you even know anything about cats?” You started a conversation knowing that your brother may start something that will get you kicked out of the calm place. The safer option is to start it yourself.

“I do! Quite a lot actually!”

“I don’t believe you. Why would you know anything besides the basics? Look at you.”

“I’m taking the last part as a compliment. But! To answer your doubts, searching stuff up between work is much more entertaining.”

“What work? You mean sitting in the office and annoying Kunikida-kun until he’s close to having an aneurysm?” A fake offended gasp came from the brunette, as you expected.

“I’ll have you know that I work very hard every day!”

“You being late every day and paperwork being given to Atsushi-kun speaks something different!”

“Do you want me to prove that I know a lot?” Dazai leaned onto his arms on the table.

“Do it.”

Surprisingly, he indeed knows a lot more than you expected. Is that what he does when he isn’t jumping into rivers? Searching up stuff about cats? Why does he know all that stiff if he never did and still doesn’t own a cat?

////////////////////

“You thought that my bad mood will disappear just because we came here?” It was over 15 minutes before you remembered why were you even in the cafe in the first place.

“Of course! We both know my ideas don’t fail!”

You were going to say how coming here won’t magically fix your mood, that it doesn’t work like that, but that was your thought before 2 of the cafe cats decided you’re the perfect person to bother. One cat -who you heard didn’t even like people that much and normally just sits in random places to evade people- is casually lying on your lap and accepting pets like it’s normal for him, and then there’s the other one who’s sitting beside you in a way that you have no option to put your hand comfortably to the side, therefore, resulting in you petting that one too.

A chuckle came from the older who unlike you didn’t have any cat anywhere near him. “You were saying?”

“Shut. I at least have cats that like me”

Notes, comments, reblogs and anything else is greatly appreciated <3

#bsd x reader #bsd dazai #bsd #dazai osamu #bungo stray dogs #dazai x reader #platonic #x reader

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ivys-head-is-spinning · 5 months

Text

Get to know me!

Hello, my name is Ivy! I decided to do a get to know me thing so here we go.

Pronouns: She/They/He

Queer. Mostly into girls, somewhere ace and I don’t care all that much about pronouns.

I'm a minor. Be normal please.

Type one diabetic.

Autism and ADHD with a side of anxiety and depression (maybe ocd too idk). Self diagnosed and HEAVILY researched. Believe me I did months of research before I allowed myself to use the words and I spoke to my therapist so don’t come for me. I am just simply not able to get official diagnosis right now but I’m going to as soon as I move out (hopefully)

Jewish ✡️ and Canadian 🇨🇦

Don’t interact with me if you are sexist, homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, ableist, racist, a pedophile or any other shit like that. I will block you.

My newsies strike name is Fidget!

♋️🦀 and INFJ

I vent a lot on here btw. Gotta do it somewhere.

My special interests:

NEWSIES (mainly that's what I post about)

Disney

Broadway and musicals- the one's I've seen live are Hamilton, Wicked, & Juliet, Lion King, Frozen, Hadestown, Little shop, Six, Aladdin, New York New York, Anastasia, RENT, The Devil Wear Prada musical, Without You (which is Anthony Rapp’s solo show), New York New York, Water for Elephants and The Outsiders. (and a few others but I was too young to remember.) The musicals I've seen online are Newsies (duh), Dear Evan Hansen, Heathers, The Prom, West Side Story, If/Then, Lempicka, Falsettos, Great Gatsby, Bandstand, Waitress, Legally Blonde, Bonnie and Clyde, 21 Chump Street, Ordinary Days, The Last 5 Years, In the Heights, the Mean Girls movie musical (the actual musical is next on my list) and Tick... Tick... Boom!

Julie and the Phantoms

Music! But only the very specific artists that I like. Some that I love include Age of Madness (Jeremy Jordan's band), Laura Osnes, Ben Platt, Sara Bareilles, Idina Menzel, All Time Low, Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan, Eden Espinosa, Christy Altomare, RØRY, Disney, Shoshana Bean, Negative 25, musicals, really anything sung by Jeremy Jordan (or other broadway stars I like but that's a whole other list)

Currently hyper fixated on Newsies and Bandstand

Other things I like include:

Plants

Stars

Axolotls

Octopuses

Fun facts

My marble collection

Tangled the Series

Hazbin Hotel

Helluva Boss

My tumblr moots

Arts and crafts

Fan fiction

Find me on ao3 @ javidiscannon99! Please go read my Newsies fic.

Ask me about my ✨special interests✨

Please send me questions, and feel free to DM me I’m always up to chat as I love making new friends on here (fair warning I’m a little awkward and struggle with social cues lol)

Cheers!

Ivy

#newsies #broadway #musicals #disney #hellaverse #ask me anything #get to know me #bandstand musical #theatre kid

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wri0thesley · 2 years

Text

let’s go to bed or go to war - childe x reader (5.2k)

tartaglia, eleventh of the fatui harbingers, has finally caught up with you - and he has several questions. if you know what’s good for you, you’ll answer - and if you don’t? well. he’s never been one to turn down a struggle.

cw: not sfw, minors dni. afab reader, neutral pronouns/no gendered terms used. interrogation, bloodplay, knifeplay. dubious consent (but reader is into it). bondage, marking, biting. masochism (both from reader and childe), sadism (both from reader and childe), but childe is definitely the dominant party. oral (childe receiving), fingering (reader receiving). pet names used include ‘sweetheart’ and ‘angel’. childe is implied to be inexperienced.

[a/n: childe is such a freak [affectionate]. my kinktober masterlist can be found here!]

It takes a little while for your brain to kick into action. As reality comes hurtling back towards you and your consciousness slowly bleeds back through, you try to blink back the heaviness from your gaze and get your bearings back. You try to remember what it is that got you into your current predicament.

A single candle flickers and gutters on a wooden table. Your wrists are tied behind you with rough rope that scratches at sensitive skin; your ankles, too, are attached with more loops of said rope to either side of a wooden chair. You do not recognise the setting around you; the bare, empty room that you have found yourself in. But for the table and chair, the rest of it is shadows, but you are still observant enough to see that there is no other furniture.

This is a terribly bad omen.

But a worse omen is the fact that you are not alone.

“Oh!” The voice sounds delighted; you see the shift of something in one of the dark corners of the room, the rustle of fabric against fabric. It’s a man’s voice. “You’re finally awake! It feels like I’ve been waiting ages. Good morning, sleepyhead!” He steps into the flickering light and your blood runs cold. “I was beginning to worry you’d never wake up, and we wouldn’t have a chance to get to know one another.”

You recognise the man in front of you. The red hair falling into bright but empty blue eyes, the cheerful smile plastered on his face, the red banner wrapped about his neck and trailing behind him, the unmistakable mask perched at a jaunty angle on his head. You have never spoken to him directly, of course - but everyone who works for your little organisation has been briefed on the appearance and the general modus operandi of every Fatui Harbinger, lest they find themselves in a disadvantageous position.

Ha. You think the phrase “disadvantageous position” must have been coined exactly for this moment. You swallow back some of the fear and hope that your voice does not tremble as you set your shoulders (as best you can with your wrists tied together).

“Good morning, Lord Harbinger,” you say to him, your voice as icy cold as a Snezhnayan winter. “Do you come here often? Because I have to say . . .” You let your gaze dispassionately graze the empty walls, the dusty floorboards, the terrifyingly abandoned space you have found yourself in with one of the most dangerous men in the whole of Teyvat. “It wouldn’t be my chosen place for a rendezvous.”

And Childe, eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers, throws his head back and laughs a deep, joyful laugh.

“Ah,” he says, with obvious delight colouring his tone. He steps forward, closer to you, the force of his shoes making the floorboards creak. “I like you. You’ve got a bit of spark, huh? This can get so boring sometimes - but looks like you’re not going to let that happen for me.” A grin breaks out across his boyish face; this close, in the guttering candlelight, you can see that there’s a sprinkling of freckles over the bridge of his nose. They’re at odds with the fact that the grin stretching out over his mouth could most accurately be described as bloodthirsty. “Mmm, we’re going to have a lot of fun.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” you lie, stalling for time as you wonder if you can find a way to get out of this unscathed. Your cover is blown, but perhaps the other operatives that you were working with are still safe - perhaps it is indeed just you. Childe simply carries on smiling at you, though. “Do you mind if I ask what this is about, My Lord? As far as I know, I’ve done nothing wrong--”

He laughs again, like you’ve told him the most hilarious joke he’s ever heard. A hand slams out, and suddenly your jaw is being squeezed between thumb and forefinger, gloved palm pressing against your chin.

“That’s not going to work,” he says to you, that smile not leaving his mouth for a moment. “C’mon. I’m not a fool. I know exactly who you are.”

“I’m flattered,” you say, and his grin goes crooked. “But could we maybe get dinner first? I’ve heard that Xinyue Kiosk is lovely, and though I haven’t dined there I’m sure your position is enough to get us a table--”

“Cute,” Childe says. “I know who you work for, too. Pity about them.”

What does he mean? Are they safe? You can now, vaguely, remember the barest details of a scuffle - but it had just been Treasure Hoarders, hadn’t it? Ambushes by the side of the road in the part of Liyue you had made your base were fairly common - you’d fought back, your vision flaring to life, and though you remember it being a harder fight than usual (that memory is frayed, at the edges of your thoughts, impossible to get a proper hold of) . . . you don’t remember anyone else being there. And, though you’re absolutely certain you’d remember the presence of a Fatui Harbinger, you don’t remember Childe being there at all.

“A pity?” You ask him. “I’m a shop assistant, My Lord. If this is from some upset about sprouting potatoes or cabbages that go off as soon as you look at them, I’m really not the person to be airing your grievances to--”

He jerks your chin roughly, lowering his face as he makes you look directly into his eyes. They’re a very bright shade of blue, like the sky in the Harbor in summer (Snezhnaya’s sky, you’re certain, was never that hue) - but they don’t seem to reflect light properly. As if there is a pit of darkness somewhere inside of them, in shadows forevermore.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” he says, tone remaining pleasant even as he makes sure that his smile shows all of his teeth. “You’ve tried to convince five of my subordinates to defect from the Fatui and join your little rebellion in the past month. Three of them accepted. Do you know how much time I’ve wasted in making sure they saw the folly of their choice?” He grimaces. “And they didn’t even fight at the end. No fun at all.”

Ah. Shit.

He really does know who you are.

Well, if your end is coming to you as swiftly as you are beginning to fear it is, you may as well throw all caution to the wind - let this Harbinger know exactly how much you despise him and everything he stands for.

“Apologies,” you spit out, “that begging for their lives wasn’t enough of a power rush for you.”

Childe’s knee slams into your thigh, as he uses you for leverage. You bite back the surprised noise of pain that wants to flow from your mouth, instead preferring to keep your gaze laser-focused and narrowed.

“Nowhere near as much of a power rush as defeating them in an honourable battle would have been, no,” he says, and you stare up at his soulless blue eyes (pity they are so very blue, so pretty on someone so rotten inside), and his handsome face, and you think of how you despise him. “If they were going to betray Her Majesty, they could at least have stuck to their ideals!”

“Untie me,” you tell him, your own gaze glimmering dangerously. “I’ll make sure I give you a fight worth remembering - for the couple of seconds you’ll still be alive after it, of course.”

“Flirt,” Childe shoots back at you. But he seems delighted that you are fighting back; that you have not rolled over and shown him your softest parts, like a prey animal in the claws of a tiger. You cannot consider yourself prey; that way lies fear, and far better to go to your own death bravely than snivelling and begging.

“You’re all talk,” you accuse him. “If you’re so very certain you could beat me, give me my sword back and we’ll see if you can prove it--!”

He squeezes your cheeks where they’re still in his grasp, forcing you to cut your words short with a grunt of pain.

“I’d love to,” he says, sounding a little breathy at the very concept of it. This . . . you’ve heard some rumours about the eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers and his particular thirst for blood and battle, but you’ve never had reason to actually interact with him before - it seems, then, that it was not exaggeration when people whispered to you about how he seemed just a little maladjusted. “But I’m afraid that I have my orders first - and I’m not by any means a traitor to the Tsaritsa, like it seems some of my compatriots were.”

“Your orders?” You arch an eyebrow at him. “Of course. None of you Fatui are free to pursue what it is you really want, are you? You’re all just pawns in someone else’s game.”

His knee digs in harder. He’s breathing even more heavily now.

“Careful what you say,” he warns you, as if you have not been walking on a frozen lake this whole time, simply waiting for the ice to crack and for you to find yourself drowned, “I’m nobody’s pawn.”

“If you’re going to kill me,” you say to him, all tossed head and fierce, righteous indignation to try and mask the anxiety you can feel flaring up in your stomach. “You may as well get it over with.”

Childe barks out laughter; he lets go of your face, finally. He reaches for his own side, and then before you know it his elegant hand is pulling from his pocket a knife that glimmers sharp and dangerous even in the little light the candle’s flame provides. You stare at it, not letting the horror show on your face. You cannot help but let the thought of it being dragged against your throat flash into your mind.

“Oh?” Childe asks, noticing how you swallow. “Aww. You’re scared now there’s a blade involved? Poor baby--”

“I meant it when I said to get killing me over and done with,” you say, through gritted teeth. You have always known you could lose your life in the pursuit of what you believe to be right; anybody who is fool enough to disobey the Fatui, to reject what the Tsaritsa says, needs to be brave enough to lay down and face death when it comes knocking. Your organisation’s goals are not for the faint-hearted.

“Too bad,” Childe chirps. The knife comes closer and closer to you; before you know it, he is using the flat of the blade to tip your chin up. The sharp edge presses dangerously against soft skin, but Childe does not yet press harder. “I have a lot of questions for you.”

“I’m not going to rat anyone out--” You spit at him. The idea of betraying your colleagues even momentarily makes you forget about the danger that you’re in (in the form of sharp steel too close to your pulse). “There’s no point waiting for me to!”

He tuts at you, but he is still breathless. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes hazy.

“Cute,” he breathes. “We’ll see how long that lasts, won’t we? Because I’ve got a knife, and you can’t even move--”

“Try me,” you say to him, with more bravado than you really feel colouring your words. You are frightened. But more important than your life, more important than the fear that buzzes through your veins, is the reminder of just how pervasive the Fatui’s operations have gotten. The reminder that once somebody has become a part of the Fatui, there is no leaving; the iron grip it holds over so many Snezhnayans. You joined your organisation and climbed your way up through the ranks for that; a higher purpose. If you pay for it with your life, so be it.

“Maybe,” he muses, moving the knife from your throat, hovering it over the soft skin of your cheek, “I should start with a couple of cuts here . . .” There’s that heavy breathing again; he’s getting his words out, but the promise of bloodshed seems to have left him flustered and weak at the knees. “Your face is so pretty, I bet it’d be prettier bleeding--”

“I bet you say that to all your victims,” you huff out, and you win another throaty chuckle.

“Stay still,” he warns you, and his other hand fastens around your face. His fingers curling around your jaw, his gloved palm close to your mouth. You know it’s foolish; you should be trying to placate him, not rile him up further. But you can hear your pulse thundering in your ears.

You bite down as hard as you can.

Childe yelps in surprise - snatches his hand back, stares at you. The knife hovers close to your cheek, and you fear that instead of fucking around with you in this ‘interrogation’, Childe is about to call it a day and simply slam the knife directly into your heart.

He does not.

He does something even more unexpected.

He takes a great, shuddering breath - and then Childe kisses you.

His mouth practically slams against yours. And though you still have the taste of his gloves lingering on your lips, and though you hate everything that the man before you stands for, you cannot lie to yourself. Your heart is pounding far quicker now than it ever has for any other fumbles with any other men, rabbiting against your rib cage in the rhythm of Childe’s name. Your head is screaming at you that this is a terrible idea (that this man has you tied to a chair, had intentions to kill you, that he has proved he is not kind) - but your stomach is coiling in knots. There is a pit of desire inside of you; a slickness you can feel on your thighs, a pulsing between your legs. You kiss him back.

He even kisses like it’s a fight.

He does not simply press his lips to yours; does not delicately nibble at your soft skin. Instead, he grasps at your face. His palms press hot against your cheeks, forcing you to tilt your own head to the position that he wills it (though the fact you are still tied to a chair as he kisses you does not help matters). His thumbs find the corners of your mouth, prying your mouth open further as teeth and tongue clash. His teeth, you’re surprised to find, are just a little sharp - you vocalise a soft noise that might be pain and might be pleasure as they nick at your own tongue, in an attempt to wrestle some control.

That attempt is short-lived. Childe seizes command of you despite your fighting back.

You know, at least, the try pleases Childe, for he groans aloud into you even as he continues to kiss you messily and hungrily. You don’t think he’s kissed much before; but there’s something both charming and terribly enticing about his desperate hunger all the same. You feel drool slip past the corners of your mouth, forced open more than is natural. He bites down on your lower lip with more force than most would exert when kissing, and you whine aloud again. You can taste the leather of his gloves; by all rights, you should be gagging, but all you’re doing is panting. Why is this getting you so hot and bothered? Childe’s clever words? His pretty face? The lean lines of his body, leonine and dangerous?

Childe pulls back, breathing heavy, staring down at you with an unreadable expression painted across his handsome features.

“That’s a much better occupation for that smart mouth of yours,” he says, panting.

“I didn’t realise that telling the truth wasn’t a worthwhile line of business,” you shoot back - even now, you cannot control your mouth. You cannot let him truly get the upper hand. Childe’s mouth is a crooked, feral grin.

“Sorry,” he says, straightening up suddenly. His hand goes to the front of his pants - where, you realise with a start, the outline of his cock is clearly visible, pressing snugly against his already tight trousers. He massages it through the fabric of the garment, his eyes going dark and half-lidded. “I’ve actually just had an even better idea for something to do with it.”

“Is that so?” You ask him, still not sure what you’re saying. “How ungentlemanly, my Lord Harbinger. We’ve barely been introduced--” This interrogation has clearly gotten away from both of you; you’re both messy and confused and panting. Childe stares down at you with his placket unbuttoned, before he says;

“Ah! Apologies. Let me make things a little more even, then--”

The flash of the knife in the air. For one glorious, shining moment, you think he’s about to slash it through the ropes at your wrists and ankles and let you launch yourself at him; give you an even playing field against him. But it appears even the bloodthirsty eleventh Harbinger is not quite so foolish as all that - instead, the blade shines sharp and true as it cuts entirely through your shirt and your undergarments.

You cry out in shock as the fabric splits open, and cool air hits your newly bared skin. There’s a bead of blood on one of your breasts, a sharp stinging sensation; he hasn’t been as careful with the knife as he should have been.

“There,” Childe pants. “That feels a little more fair and square, doesn’t it? I have to say, sweetheart . . . you’re very nice to look at.”

Blue irises trailing over your skin - the swell of your breast, the way your nipples have hardened and perked. His mouth is slightly open, his eyes half-lidded. You’re well and truly wet between your thighs, now - if Childe were to turn his knife to what you’re wearing on your lower half, you wouldn’t be able to preserve an ounce of your shame.

“Oh?” You goad. “You don’t think I’d look nice covered in blood? Cut up a little?”

Shit. That actually doesn’t sound all that bad. Your own voice is breathy, your lashes fluttering, as your tongue darts out to wetten your lips. Your cheeks are hot. You have never really considered whether pain could become pleasure before - but with Childe in front of you brandishing a knife, you’re suddenly absolutely certain the two ought to stand hand-in-hand. The vision of Childe using that knife to cut patterns into your skin, laser-focused and handsome, has you feeling light-headed and dizzy.

“Hm? That sounds like you . . . want me to do just that--”

Childe, mouth parted, moves - gently slides the knife over the skin of your breast, cutting only shallowly. But the sting of it, the feel of dark blood dripping down your breast . . . you moan aloud without realising you’re doing it, and Childe takes a great, shuddering breath. Almost immediately, he ducks his head down - almost immediately, a hot tongue drags over the cut, making it sting and ache . . . and sending hot electric sparks of pleasure back to that place between your thighs.

It doesn’t take long for him to leave a matching cut on the other side of your chest. For him to lick at that, too - for him to smear his mouth with your blood, for him to graze his teeth across the soft swells, to map out the line of your collarbones with his lips. For him to carefully, carefully, use the blade to split the seams of the rest of the clothes you’re wearing.

He takes a harsh, shaking breath in when he sees your underwear. Thin white cotton soaked through and saturated with your own slick.

“Oh,” he breathes. “You really are enjoying this, aren’t you?”

He uses the point of the blade once more to drag up your thighs - to oh-so-gently press against the seam between your legs, that same thin cotton the only barrier between the cruel razor blade of the knife and your slick, sensitive folds. You swear you can feel your sex buzzing with need. Your head lolls back on the chair, as you drag in your own deep breath. He presses the flat of the knife against you fully, hard enough that you can feel cool steel on the heated petals of your cunt.

“Shall I use this to take your underwear off?” Childe asks, low and dangerous, eyes glinting wildly. “I can feel how warm you are.”

“Go ahead,” you manage to hiss out to him, through gritted teeth, though the breathiness in your voice and the wetness that leaks out of you with every tiny shift of your body in its bonds is damning. “If you think you’ve got the control for it--”

Your sex is bared just as shamelessly as your breasts and your thighs had been. Childe’s eyes are glued to that place between your thighs; the way that your ankles have been tied to the legs of the chair ensures that he has rather a good view of your sex slightly spread apart, and how it glistens with beads of arousal and pulses around nothing. He swallows thickly.

“Well,” he manages. “We’re even now, aren’t we? I should get . . . back to what I was talking about. How about you open that smart mouth of yours and let me put it to good use?”

He’s just as flustered and turned-on and unsure as you are; aware that he shouldn’t be getting off on this, but still doing so anyway. This is the very definition of ‘sleeping with the enemy’, you suppose - if only the enemy wasn’t so damned pretty, and if only the enemy’s tastes and yours didn’t align so well . . . You open your mouth for him, as a hand fastens about the back of your neck and Childe’s pretty, flushed cock presses against your lips.

“Open up, angel,” he says, the pet name barbed but fond at the same time. “Let’s see that tongue of yours in action--”

It probably says a lot about you that your first thought isn’t to bite. Your first thought isn’t about how he has put his most sensitive part right in front of the only weapon you still have full access to. Your first thought, when it comes to getting a leg up over Childe, is instead: I am going to make this man see Celestia.

So you do not go gently. No kitten licks, no shy kisses to the weeping head of his cock, no demure little licks. You envelope as much of his shaft into your mouth as you can, and let the head bump against your throat as you look into his eyes with a fierce challenge in yours. His taste lingers on your tongue as you begin to suck in earnest.

“Archons--” Childe is surprised, the moan coming out choked, his own lashes fluttering and his throat bobbing. “I was right, this is a much better use for you--”

You’re messy and drooling around him; suckling his cock, working your tongue over the prominent veins that run over his shaft. Sliding the tip of it just beneath the head and making him groan aloud again, his hips rutting into you against his will. Whether he had any intention of being vocal or not, your mouth is forcing him to make sure you know what a good job you’re doing.

“Shit,” he’s breathing - and a gloved hand is fumbling with the knife. A shaking wrist brings it down to your thigh.

You cry out as he begins to cut you as you suck on him, but it is not a cry of pain - at least, it is not entirely a cry of pain. Mixed in with that pain is savage pleasure, as the short sharp shock of being used as a canvas makes your cunt throb around nothing.

“Haa,” he sighs, “s-someone’s needy . . .”

Once more, the world fades into nothing but the feel of your throat bobbing along Childe’s length and the slow, torturous drag of a blade in your sensitive skin. Pleasure and pain all meeting at a pinnacle inside of you that makes you ache for how empty you are. Need shivers across your spine, makes your thighs tremble.

It’s bold of him to call you needy when he’s trembling, too - when you can see that beads of sweat are rolling down the elegant column of his throat and he’s biting hard into his bottom lip, his cheeks fair crimson with flush. The cant of his hips is almost awkward, desperate chasing after his own pleasure; his hand about the back of your neck rough. If you didn’t know what you were doing and you weren’t giving back to him so enthusiastically, the pace would be almost choking; as it is, though . . .

His cock twitches inside of your mouth. His precome floods your tongue, ready for him to finally give in and come properly. You urge him forward with the embrace of your lips and the hollowing of your cheeks, and Childe lets out a noise halfway between a moan and a wail as he jerks his hips and ropes of his release coat the back of your throat.

He pulls out whilst he’s still coming, letting some splatter over your face and your mouth. You’re breathless and fucked out, but Childe demands to you;

“Show me your tongue.”

You do. His come lies heavy on it, in white pools - he stares at the view of you, mostly naked and bleeding and tied to a chair, and he shudders in pleasure.

“C-cute,” he says, stuttering only a little bit. You wonder how many times he’s done that before. “I think . . . you deserve a reward for being so good, huh?” A surprisingly tender hand comes up to your face; a gloved thumb wiping away a bead of his own release. Childe is staring at you like he’s realised something; tender, despite the situation you have found yourself wrapped up in. “You’re leaking all over the chair.”

“Can’t help it,” you pant out. “People bleed when you cut them.”

You let your gaze drift down to your thigh, expecting to see a collection of shallow cuts all over it from the sharp edge of Childe’s knife (not that you’re complaining). You’re surprised, then, when you realise that even with his cock in your mouth and shaking and whining and thrusting, the Harbinger has managed to use his knife to cut something actually legible into the skin.

It’s an “A”.

You don’t have time to question what it is the ‘A’ stands for - because Childe is kissing you again, tucking his knife into a pocket. This time, he doesn’t use his thumbs to pry your mouth apart (he’s clearly already staked his claim of your mouth thoroughly enough) - instead, hands come up to squeeze and palm at your breasts. His thumbs pinch and pull at your nipples, hard enough to send a shockwave of pain through your body that somehow still manages to morph into pleasure at the apex of your thighs.

He maps out the curves and lines of your body after he’s had his fill of massaging and squeezing your chests; the curve of your waists, the shape of your hips, right to between your thighs. One hand dives between your legs - a gloved thumb dragging through your folds, finding your clit with only minimal fumbling.

Two fingers press against your entrance, sliding inside of you with minimal fanfare. Childe is still clumsy with his movements, but he’s a good judge of your expression - the moment those fingers curl inside of you and hit your sweet spot, Childe notices the way your eyes go glassy and quickly begins to exploit that newfound knowledge.

The sensation of the gloves on your heated, sensitive parts, is strange and unusual - but certainly not unpleasant. His thumb rubbing circles over your clit, twinned with the sensation of teeth nipping at your lower lips and the fingers inside of you mercilessly battering against the spongy spot inside of your walls that makes you feel like you’re on fire - it feels far better to have your enemy’s hands on you than you’d ever imagined.

Heat and pressure and desperate, desperate want all begin to knit themselves together inside of you, fed by the slick noise of Childe’s fingers working you open and the unyielding way he’s fucking you with them. You shake and tremble, sweat rolling down your collarbones, stars spotting in the corners of your vision.

“F-fuck!” You’re crying out, breaking the kiss yourself. “Ch-Childe! Tartaglia--!”

He chases your lips as you pull away, mumbling heavy in needy breaths against your mouth;

“It’s Ajax--”

And then he’s kissing you as you come on his fingers, squeezing around him, your walls pulsing and sucking him further in. The ropes dig painfully into your bare wrists as your back tries to arch to no avail - and you bite down on his lower lip to try and stifle the noises somewhat. Your orgasm rips through you almost painfully, your hips shaking and thrusting as well they can, whilst waves of pleasure crash over you like you’re drowning in the open sea.

You don’t know how long it takes you to come back down afterwards, as the pulsing and rolicking pleasure fades away.

He pulls back, his mouth stained with a mixture of both of your blood. Fingers are dragged out of you.His gloves glimmer with your own release.

“Okay,” he breathes out. “I . . . Time's getting away from me.” He fumbles.

One more terrifying moment as the knife gleams in the candlelight. He’s going to kill you, you think, as you stare at the way his grip slides on the handle and the blade of judgement descends upon you--

Childe’s shaking hands slash the knife, finally, through the ropes. He’s still staring at you, dazed and ruffled and despoiled - and you, wearing absolutely nothing but your own blood and Childe’s come on your lips, look just as bad.

“There,” he says, hoarsely, as he steps back and admires his handiwork. Some droplets of blood have splashed on the floor. Your thighs are still shaking as you drag yourself up, standing on wobbling legs. “I’ll tell my superiors that the leads were a bust. Nobody to interrogate. You’re far too much fun to just kill and move on.”

“Oh?” You ask him, breathing heavy still, heart pumping hot blood through your veins. His cock is still out, but it’s twitching to life even as the two of you stare at one another. “Do you intend for us to meet again, my Lord Harbinger?”

Childe grins.

“Of course,” he says to you. His eyes flicker to where the “A” has been carved into your thigh. “You and I are birds of a feather, and I’ve laid claim on you. Huh. We can battle properly next time.”

“Next time,” you say to him, wicked glint in your eye, “I’ll get to you first, and you’ll find yourself the one tied to a chair and at my mercy.”

Childe takes a deep, shuddering breath. A smirk curls the corner of his own mouth - and you’re reminded just how handsome the eleventh Fatui Harbinger is. Oh. You want to get to know him better. You want to wrestle for dominance properly; want to pin him beneath you and bounce on his cock, his wrists in your grip.

“I like the sound of that,” he growls. “Is that a promise?”

#childe x reader #childe smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact smut #not sfw #genshin impact posting #writing #kinktober 2022 #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia smut #dub con for ts #bloodplay for ts #knifeplay for ts #blood for ts

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tip-top-cloud-surfer · 2 years

Text

What is L-O-V-E? - Hangman

Pairing: Hangman / Bradshaw!Fem!OC (Lena) (Ex-Wife!OC)

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Divorce and Separation; Angst; References to Child Custody Agreements; One Sided Feelings; Toxic/Conflictual Dynamics; References to Goose and Carole; Female Bradshaw OC and Named Son OC

This work, all of my works, and my entire blog is 18+ Only!

Summary: Lena Bradshaw (formerly Seresin) struggles once again to keep the peace between her ex-husband Jake and her older brother Bradley for her son's sake. And the uranium facility mission only seems to heighten the stakes of it all.

A.N. Everyone's a little toxic here. Just so we're clear.

Part 2 Part 3

Master List

Lena Bradshaw was not the best when it came to dealing with conflict.

If she were to see a therapist, they probably would have blamed that on the fact that she was an orphan before she was even a teenager and didn’t remember her biological father. Childhood trauma and all that. But either way, she was horrible at dealing with conflict.

Especially in her personal life.

There was the fight between Bradley and Maverick over the Naval Academy. Then there were the fights between Bradley and her now ex-husband Jake. And then, of course, there was her divorce. She simultaneously was both too compromising and too difficult at the same time.

But regardless, Lena had one main priority in her life now. And that was her son, Nickie. Nicholas Jacob Seresin-Bradshaw. The ‘Bradshaw’ got added on after the divorce.

Nickie was on the cusp of turning four now and quickly growing more curious about the world around him. And that raised a lot of maternal anxiety in Lena. Especially when it came to Nickie’s fascination with aviation. Particularly naval aviation. She shouldn’t have been surprised. Every single important male figure in Nickie’s life was a naval aviator. But it still scared her.

“Look at all the planes, Mommy!” Nickie shouted, causing Lena to snap out of her thoughts.

“I know, there’s a lot of them,” she agreed softly.

Lena turned back to the road and changed lanes, heading for the San Diego International Airport to pick up her brother. Bradley called her yesterday to tell her that he was returning to Top Gun for some mission and Lena was sure that her blood pressure hadn’t returned to a normal level since then.

“Is Uncle Roos on one of those planes?” Nickie questioned excitedly, pressing his face to the window.

“He should have landed by now.”

Lena pulled out her phone and pressed on Bradley’s contact. Nickie peeled his face off of the window, leaving marks where his nose and forehead were leaned up against it.

“Are you calling him?”

“Yes, because your uncle never tells me where he is,” Lena replied dryly.

She was also waiting for a text or call from her ex-husband, but so far it was radio silence. That wasn’t necessarily odd, however. After one of Jake’s deployments got extended last minute and Nickie was inconsolable when Lena broke the news to him, Jake didn’t call her until he was actually standing on American soil.

But if Bradley got the call back to Top Gun for some big mission, Lena had to assume that Jake would also be returning to Miramar. Lena didn’t want to wade into the rivalry between her brother and her ex-husband, but Jake was the better pilot.

Don’t tell Bradley that she said that. Ever.

“Hello, this is your captain speaking,” Rooster answered the call in a mock-pilot voice. Lena rolled her eyes as Nickie giggled from the backseat.

“Where am I picking you up again?” she asked, glancing at the sidewalk.

“Aw, you’re no fun,” Rooster jokingly whined.

“Hi, Uncle Roos!” Nickie shouted from the backseat.

“Hey, buddy! How are you?” Bradley asked, reverting back to his normal voice.

“Good! There’s lots of planes here!”

“There are,” Rooster agreed.

“Look, if you want the free ride and meal that I promised, you do have to tell me where you are so that I can pick you up,” Lena sighed, driving slowly through the terminal.

“I’m down at the end. Right past the last set of speed bumps before you get to the next airline.”

“Okay, then we’ll see you in a few seconds.”

“No, no, Mommy, you’re supposed to say, ‘copy that’,” Nickie corrected her.

“You tell her, Nickie!”

“Goodbye,” Lena stressed, ending the call.

She plopped her phone into the cupholder and looked through the crowded mess on the sidewalk. Lena slowly rolled over the last set of speed bumps before Nickie began to eagerly bounce in his seat and press his hands against the window.

“There he is!”

“Still dressed like its 1986,” Lena mumbled under her breath.

Rooster waved comedically to Nickie as he followed Lena’s car, causing Nickie to laugh and wave back to him just as dramatically. Lena slowed the car down before putting it into park. Rooster walked around to the back, opened the trunk, and placed his duffel bag down.

“Uncle Roos!” Nickie called excitedly.

“Is that Nickie? Nah, you’re too big to be Nickie,” Rooster teased his nephew.

“It’s me!” Nickie huffed as Rooster walked around the car.

“Thanks for picking me up, Sis. You’re too kind,” Rooster joked, sliding into the passenger seat.

“I know, I am,” Lena replied with a small smile.

She leaned over and tugged her brother into a tight hug that Bradley happily returned. It had been a solid eight months since the Bradshaw siblings were in the same city. And even though Bradley called and emailed her whenever he could, it was nice to have her brother sitting beside her again.

“How was your flight?” Lena asked, turning to pull out of the airport.

“Not too bad. Long. But now I get to hang out with my favorite nephew all day!” Rooster replied, spinning around to face Nickie.

“I’m your only nephew!”

“Still counts!”

“Seatbelt,” Lena stated, smacking Rooster on the arm. “Even fighter pilots need to wear their seatbelts.”

“Yeah, Uncle Roos!”

Lena drove them away from the airport, chatting casually with Rooster about his most recent deployment and any other life updates. But Nickie quickly butted into the conversation and informed Uncle Rooster all about his life. Rooster listened along intently, adding commentary where necessary, and genuinely making Nickie feel heard.

After all, Nickie was Rooster’s godson. Jake was more than a little annoyed about it at the time, but Rooster was Nickie’s godfather. And Rooster absolutely adored Nickie. He hated the fact that Nickie’s dad was Jake, but he wouldn’t hesitate to spend any time with Nickie. Ever.

“And Daddy promised to take me to a football game soon!” Nickie yelled out excitedly, missing how Rooster’s expression changed.

“Did you get that in writing?” Rooster asked Nickie dryly.

Lena immediately smacked Rooster on the arm, causing him to huff and rub the tender skin. Nickie was a little confused about the shift in the atmosphere, but he just laughed off the interaction between his mom and his uncle. Lena shot her brother a look before turning back to the road.

“Do not talk bad about J-A-K-E in front of Nickie,” she stated, leaving no room for argument.

The only time that Lena ever saw her brother turn purple with rage, minus the paper pulling situation, was when she told him about her and Jake. Rooster spouted off just about every bad word that he ever heard about Jake, told Lena that she was making the biggest mistake of her life, and swore up and down that Jake was just going to break her heart.

Rooster quieted down about his distaste for Jake around the time that Nickie was born and they both used Nickie as a buffer between them when they were forced to be around each other. But Lena just wished that they would just bury the hatchet already. And she definitely would not tolerate either of them talking bad about the other in front of Nickie.

Absolutely not.

“I’m just saying—”

“—And you’re going to stop saying whatever it is,” Lena interjected, shooting her brother a sharp glare. “He apologized for that and he made it up. So, drop it.”

“I’m just saying that he’s an A-S-S-H-O—”

“—Brad, I know, okay?” Lena huffed, getting a little aggravated with her brother. “I left him for a reason. But don’t talk bad about him in front of your nephew. He’s still part of our lives whether you like it or not. So, don’t talk about him like that. Got it?”

“Fine,” Rooster replied, dropping the discussion. He turned back to Nickie with a new and slightly forced smile. “We can toss a ball around in the backyard when we get to your house, Nickie.”

“Yay!”

Lena pulled up to her and Nickie’s home a few minutes later. The house that actually used to belong to Maverick and was the house that she and Bradley lived in after their mom passed. When Lena called Maverick crying about her divorce, he gifted her the house. Unprompted and despite the fact that Lena told him that it was too much.

Maverick called it a fresh start. And, so, Lena took it.

“I’ll race you inside,” Rooster told Nickie, who hurriedly tugged at his car seat.

“There’s a child lock on his door,” Lena sighed, causing Rooster to glance back at her.

“Well, then I’ll get you out and then we’ll race, Nickie.”

Rooster pulled Nickie out of his car seat and set him on the ground. But Nickie wasn’t going to wait for anyone and took off for the house. Rooster was right behind him, which caused Nickie to squeal. Lena smiled to herself and slid out of the car. Lena walked up after them and unlocked the door.

“The baseball stuff is in that closet. Do not trek dirt into my house, Bradley.”

“Copy that,” Rooster replied, barely listening, as Nickie ran over to his toy closet.

Nickie and Rooster headed outside to toss a baseball around while Lena started on lunch. She was in the middle of pulling out ingredients for sandwiches when her phone started to buzz. Noting the contact, Lena let out a sigh and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Are you at work?” Jake asked as Lena moved around her kitchen.

“No, I took the day off. My brother is in town.”

“Did he get called back to Top Gun?” Jake immediately questioned, unable to hide his distaste.

“Yes, why?”

“I got called up too. And so did Javy.”

Lena paused for a moment, staring out the window. If the Navy already called in Jake, Bradley, and Javy, she had to assume that something big was happening. And by ‘big’ she meant dangerous. And Lena preferred to stay away from the danger zone. Very far away from the danger zone.

“So, are you coming to Miramar soon then?” Lena asked, refocusing on the phone call.

“I’m driving down from Lemoore now. It says that I’m about four hours away.” There was a beat of silence before Jake asked, “Am I allowed to come over since the chicken is there?”

“Jake,” Lena pleaded quietly, “he’s still Nickie’s uncle. We haven’t seen him in nearly a year.”

“Well, I’m Nickie’s dad.”

“I’m aware,” Lena sighed, leaning on the countertop. “And Nickie knows that too.” Lena glanced out the window before turning back to her call. “Bradley isn’t staying for dinner. He should be gone by the time that you get here.”

“Thank you.”

“Did you want me to tell Nickie that you’re coming here?”

“No, I’ll surprise him.”

“Okay. Text me when you get to Miramar.”

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye, Jake.”

Setting her phone down on the countertop, Lena held her head in her hands and took a breath.

She didn’t plan on getting divorced. She didn’t want to get divorced. She tried to make it work. She tried to get them into counseling, she tried to communicate how she was feeling and what she needed from their relationship, and she reminded herself over and over again about how miserable her mom was as a single mom.

But she wasn’t her mom. She wasn’t strong like her mom. She didn’t lose Jake like Carole lost Goose. She lost Jake while he was standing right there in front of her. The fantasy that she had in her head shattered and there were too many pieces to pick up and put back together.

And even though her ex-mother-in-law accused her of enjoying the divorce, Lena didn’t take any pleasure in it. But she tried and she failed. And she tried again and she failed. And there were only so many times that she could try before she lost it. So, she got divorced.

Turning back to the bread, Lena simply focused on making lunch. She eventually set the plates down on the table and walked over to the sliding door. Pushing it open, she stuck her head outside.

“Lunch is ready. But leave your dirty shoes on the steps,” she called, shooting a look at Rooster.

“Copy that, Mommy!” Nickie shouted happily.

They all sat around the table, enjoying lunch and catching up. Taking a sip from her drink, Lena turned to her brother.

“So, what time are you leaving?”

“Before dinner time. I should see who else got the call up. And they’ll all be at the Hard Deck.”

“Say ‘hi’ to Penny for me,” Lena replied, wiping at Nickie’s face.

“I will,” Rooster promised.

“I like Penny,” Nickie announced, pushing his vegetables around on his plate. “She gave me a pop-sickle. And let me ring the bell!”

“I’ve always wanted to ring the bell,” Rooster told Nickie, as if he were sharing top-secret government information. “What was it like?”

“Really loud! Mommy didn’t like it.”

Rooster laughed as Lena shook her head at the memory. She distinctly recalled dragging Nickie away from the bell because he wouldn’t let go. Luckily, it was just Penny, Jimmy, and Amelia in the bar at the time. But poor Theo the dog had to run for cover.

“Because you did it when I was standing right next to the bell, Nickie. And you wouldn’t let go,” Lena reminded her son, poking his cheek.

“‘Cause it was fun!”

“Mhmm,” Lena teased her son. Glancing down at his plate, she sighed and set down her utensils. “Nickie, can you try eating some of the vegetables?”

“I don’t want broccoli. It’s gross!”

“What about the carrots then?” Lena tried to negotiate. “If you eat two carrots, we’ll have some ice cream. How about that?”

“Ice cream?” Nickie repeated, perking up instantly.

“Now that sounds like an even trade to me,” Rooster agreed, earning a thankful nod from Lena.

“I think so. Here, we’ll all eat one together.”

Lena and Rooster picked up a carrot each and Nickie begrudgingly followed along. And even though he looked like he hated his life while he chewed on the carrots, Nickie still ate two of them without too much protest. Quickly hopping up when he was done, Nickie turned to his mom.

“Ice cream!”

Lena shot her son a look, earning a sheepish smile in return that definitely came from his dad’s side of the family.

“Please,” Nickie added on at the end.

After Nickie scarfed down a scoop of ice cream, they headed outside. Nickie happily ran around the driveway. Sometimes he would toss a ball to Rooster and sometimes he would shoot it at the small basketball hoop, but Nickie happily entertained himself while on his sugar high. And that left Lena and Rooster some space to catch up on topics that Lena didn’t want Nickie to hear.

“So, is he coming?” Rooster asked, causing Lena to sigh.

“Yes, he’s coming,” she confirmed quietly. “Don’t tell Nickie. He wants to surprise him.”

“Do you need me to leave?”

“No, I told him to come around dinner. He’ll text me when he’s close and ready,” Lena replied, fiddling with her necklace. “But please don’t antagonize him if you see him.”

“It’s usually the other way around.”

“Just please don’t try and make things worse,” Lena sighed, turning to her brother.

“I’m always on my best behavior.”

Lena let out an incredulous laugh that immediately had Rooster rolling his eyes. It was the godawful laugh that Lena always used when he was being an asshole to piss him off even more. He hated it. And he knew that Hangman hated it too. And Bradley guessed that their mom Carole and Maverick hated it as well because it always made them go ghost white when they heard it.

“Oh, you kill me, you really do,” Lena sighed, wiping fake tears away.

~~~~~

Jake knew that as soon as Rooster started up the piano routine, he was going to leave.

He studied the competition, caught up with Javy, and had a nice cold beer for the first time in five months. So, when the chord to the jukebox was pulled, Jake left the Hard Deck.

Hell, if he had it his way, he would have already been with Lena and Nickie, but Jake didn’t get his way.

He didn’t get his way when he was served with divorce papers. He didn’t get his way when Lena moved with Nickie down to San Diego. He didn’t get his way when Lena was awarded primary custody by the courts because he was active-duty.

Jake Seresin just didn’t get his way when it came to Lena Bradshaw.

If Jake had it his way, he would still be married to Lena, living in Lemoore in the house that he handpicked for them, and the damn chicken would mind his fucking business. He would see Nickie every day that he was in the States. Maybe they would have even had a second or third kid by now.

But Jake didn’t get his way.

Pulling up to Lena’s house, Jake headed for the side door. It was unlocked and Jake let himself inside the house. he took a few steps until he saw Lena cooking dinner in the kitchen. She glanced up and smiled when she spotted him.

“Nickie, sweetie, can you come in here for me?” Lena called, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

Nickie walked into Jake’s view from the family room, where he was probably playing with his toys or watching cartoons. Nickie held the coyote plushie—even though Jake was a hundred percent sure that it was actually a wolf—that Javy got him to his chest as he walked over to the kitchen, completely unaware of Jake’s presence.

“Hey, who’s that?” Lena asked Nickie, pointing in Jake’s direction.

Nickie turned around, following his mom’s finger. But when he spotted Jake, his dad who he hadn’t seen in nearly five months, Nickie let out a little delighted gasp and ran over. Jake bent down and caught Nickie as he flung himself forward.

“Daddy!” Nickie yelled out.

“Hey, little man,” Jake called, scooping Nickie up into a tight hug.

Jake held his son to his chest and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Rocking his son back and forth, Jake tried to keep a lid on his own emotions.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Daddy.”

“God, you’re getting so big,” Jake murmured, mostly to himself, as he brushed Nickie’s hair back.

“Bigger than you!” Nickie stated, sitting up straighter.

“Someday, maybe,” Jake agreed with a light chuckle. “Are you being a good boy for Mommy?”

Nickie nodded quickly with a small, mischievous grin. It was the grin that always popped up when Nickie got caught doing something that he wasn’t supposed to do. It also usually resulted in Lena turning to Jake with an exasperated ‘he gets that from your side of the family’ expression.

“Most of the time,” Lena joked, standing a few steps away.

Jake straightened up a bit more and nodded to his ex-wife with a small smile. He tried to not let his eyes linger on her bare left ring finger and turned to meet her gaze. And even though it had been about seven years since he met Lena Bradshaw—though she was still Lena Seresin in his mind—he still got that same warm feeling crawling up his neck whenever he saw her.

“Lena,” Jake greeted her softly.

“It’s good to see you, Jake,” she returned quietly. “We were just about to eat. Are you hungry?”

“I could definitely eat,” Jake agreed with a nod. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

“Are you staying all night, Daddy?” Nickie called, redirecting Jake’s attention.

“I don’t think so, Nick,” Jake replied, fixing Nickie’s shirt for him.

“Aw,” Nickie complained, causing both Lena and Jake to wince. “Why not?”

“I’ve got training tomorrow morning. Super early,” Jake explained, not even completely lying.

“Can he stay another night, Mommy?” Nickie asked Lena, causing her to freeze for a moment.

“Yeah, he can stay another night,” she agreed, nodding along. “But let’s eat dinner first, okay?”

They sat around the table as a family. It was times like those that Jake sometimes forgot that they weren’t married anymore. This house wasn’t his home. It wasn’t their home. And well, Jake could never dwell on those feelings anyways. Not without whiskey on hand, anyways. Jake helped Nickie cut the bigger piece of chicken into little bits while Lena placed a scoop of vegetables on Nickie’s plate.

“How was the Hard Deck?” Lena asked, turning to her ex.

“It was fine. Scoped out the competition. Played a little pool. Made an early exit,” Jake replied, causing Lena to nod along. “Maverick got thrown out.”

Lena picked her head up sharply at the news and Nickie started to bounce in his seat at the mention of his great uncle. Though more often than not, Nickie called Maverick something along the lines of ‘Grandpa Mav’ because Maverick was the closest figure to a grandfather that Nickie had. Jake’s parents stopped visiting after the divorce, after all.

“Maverick is in town?” Lena asked Jake quietly.

“He didn’t tell you?” Jake returned, raising an eyebrow.

“No, he didn’t,” Lena stated, shaking her head. “And he got thrown out?”

“He left his phone on the bar and couldn’t pay his tab.”

“I told him not to go there,” Lena sighed, shaking her head.

“And your brother was there too,” Jake replied, causing Lena to reluctantly meet his gaze.

“How was that?” she asked quietly, glancing down at her plate.

“It was how it normally goes,” Jake muttered, causing Lena to wince.

“Daddy, can we watch a movie together? Please!” Nickie asked, grabbing Jake’s arm.

“Yeah, we can watch a movie, Nick. But we have to finish eating first, okay?”

“Okay!”

Jake asked Nickie about how things were going at daycare. Nickie happily told his dad everything that was going on in his life and held onto every single word that Jake spoke about aviation. Lena glanced between her son and Jake, easily picking out the similarities between them. After all, Nickie was quickly growing to look like his dad’s twin.

They eventually cleaned up and Jake settled on the couch with Nickie, who picked out a movie for them to watch. Lena gave them their space and went back to her office to catch up on some work. Lena poked her head out once to remind Jake about Nickie’s bedtime, but Jake was already giving Nickie a bath, so she just went back to work.

Jake came and knocked on the door to her office when it was time to put Nickie to bed. They walked into Nickie’s bedroom together like the divorce was just some bad dream that they already forgot about. Lena pulled back the blankets on Nickie’s bed and stepped aside for Jake.

“Alright, time for bed, Nickie.”

Jake laid Nickie down on his bed and pulled up Nickie’s blankets over him. Tucking Nickie into bed for the night, Jake handed Nickie his coyote plushie and ruffled Nickie’s still wet hair.

“Are you coming back, Daddy?” Nickie asked, causing Jake to nod quickly.

“Yeah, I’m coming back. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Nickie replied, immediately perking up.

“I love you, Nickie.”

“Love you too, Daddy.”

Nickie sat up and wrapped his little arms around Jake’s neck to hug him. Jake quickly hugged Nickie back and pressed a kiss to Nickie’s head. After holding onto Nickie for a bit longer, Jake reluctantly released his son and stepped aside. Lena walked over, pressed a kiss to Nickie’s head, and told him that she loved him before she and Jake headed out of Nickie’s bedroom.

Carefully shutting the door, Lena waited a moment before she turned to Jake.

“I’m working tomorrow, so if you get out before four, you can pick him up if you want. Just text me,” Lena offered as she and Jake walked towards the door.

“I will if we get out,” Jake replied immediately.

“Do you still have the car seat your truck?”

“Never took it out,” Jake assured her, grabbing his wallet and keys.

“Okay,” she agreed softly, nodding along. Wrapping her arms around herself, Lena nodded to him before stepping to the side. “Goodnight, Jake.”

“Night,” he whispered back, reaching for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” she returned quietly.

Jake nodded to her one last time before taking his leave and heading over to his car. Lena closed the door behind him and locked it for the night. Watching Jake’s truck drive off into the night, Lena sighed and leaned on the door, resting her head against the wood.

“Talk to me, Mom,” she murmured, glancing up at the ceiling with a conflicted expression. “What do I do?”

Part 2 Part 3

#top gun: maverick #top gun maverick #hangman top gun #top gun fanfiction #jake hangman seresin #hangman fanfiction #hangman x oc #jake hangman fic #jake seresin #top gun hangman #jake seresin fic #tgm #tgm fanfiction #jake seresin x oc #hangman fic #jake seresin series #top gun #top gun fic

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akayukihime · 2 years

Text

Bad Decisions (Pt. 1) - Brett Hand/Reader

A drug-enduced hookup is a scandal in and of itself, even at Cognito Inc. Despite being in the entire office’s hot seat, you’re horrified by something else entirely: your growing crush on Brett Hand.

Crossposted on AO3 @akayukihime

“I am this fucking close to putting in my two weeks,” Reagan blurted out as she and you walked into a conference room. She pinched her fingers together for emphasis. You didn’t utter a word in acknowledgment, but you agreed with her sentiment. The both of you stared ahead at the usual scene in front of you: everyone was plastered, even Brett. Myc let out a groan that you couldn’t find yourself to pity. It was always weird thinking about how a sentient hallucinogenic mushroom could get itself high. Ever since you started working at Cognito Inc., though, you were left with little to disbelieve.

“You’d think that a secret government agency would have more competent employees,” she grumbled, rubbing her temples erratically. That poor girl needs a vacation, you thought ruefully, nodding in agreement.

“Awe, I’m totally competent,” Brett whined, looking up at the two of you from where he was on the floor. You were surprised you didn’t see any lipstick smudged across his face or collar. Jealousy twinged in your gut as you remembered when he hooked up with Gigi, who was across the room and appeared to be struggling to type something on her phone.

“Right, (Name)?” Brett asked, looking into your eyes with a stare that left you a little flustered.

“I mean, yeah, sometimes,” you knew you would feel bad if you said no, but you tacked on the last bit so Reagan wouldn’t think ill of your reply.

“I don’t even know what to say, but I’m not surprised…” Reagan huffed. You shot her a worried look. The bags under her eyes were so dark that they resembled Halloween makeup. You didn’t want to think about the last time she slept—or showered. You subconsciously inched yourself out of the doorway and into the room.

“Ray, why don’t you just let me handle this?” You asked, trying to be helpful. To put it in Layman’s terms, you were the middle man between Reagan and Brett; you weren’t as uptight as the former, but not a hopeless himbo like the latter. You could be trusted with responsibilities, but didn’t take on an unhealthy amount like the somewhat-reclusive daughter of Rand Ridley. You were also able to let loose, which is what you would have preferred to do at the moment.

“Are you sure?” Reagan looked around the room again, her eyelid twitching. You nodded and her shoulders slacked.

“I would say go home, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you leave work before seven…” you trailed off, watching as Brett stretched out on the floor, noting his loose tie and unbuttoned jacket. You had seen him half-naked before, because he always managed to be lacking clothes at inappropriate times, but you found yourself staring at his exposed collarbone.

“Okay, (Name), see you.” Reagan looked at you with impossibly tired eyes and you smiled sympathetically, your eyes crinkling as you did so.

“I’ll see you ‘round, Ridley.”

You watched as she trailed off down the hallway and turned the corner almost hurriedly. You knew she was tired and you hoped she would doze off while working on something if it meant she could at least get a few hours of sleep.

Finally, you unceremoniously turned to your coworkers, not flinching at the fact that none of them were sober, and settled yourself on the floor. Just because you were making sure nothing bad happened didn’t mean you couldn’t join the fun, right?

“I’ll pass on any psychedelics, but if we’re just smoking weed, it’s a different story,” you looked at Andre, who grinned and passed you a small bong.

“Sweet,” you muttered, holding it up to your lips.

“Wow, you sure are great at ‘handling’ these work conflicts,” Myc commented, his voice slurred as he gestured toward you with one of his tentacle arms. You shrugged, taking your time with each hit. You exhaled slowly through your mouth, your throat tickling and urging out a cough.

Wherever Andre gets his weed from, you needed to know. On second thought, he probably grew it himself. Regardless, you weren’t paranoid or anxious whatsoever; you’d argue that you were at peace, even if you were on the floor, slumped over against a large table. If you were this zen every time you were high, maybe you’d be as dependent on drugs as the doctor. You shook the thought from your head, thankful for your ability to function sober in your daily life.

It wasn’t long until your peace of mind would be disturbed.

Brett had scooted over to your happy little corner, smiling widely. You looked over at him and met his eyes. Almost immediately, you looked away. You were acting almost as jittery as Reagan.

“Man, I haven’t been this high since my days in Pi Kappa Alpha. Oh, they had the best hazing rituals.” The brunet remarked, seeming to relish in the memory which most definitely happened differently than he chose to remember it. You nodded in lieu of poking fun at him.

“‘That so?” You asked, tilting your head and looking at him with lidded eyes.

“Yeah, those six hours were the most fun I’ve ever had. You see, it was…” Brett’s voice sounded more like white noise than an actual conversation you still had to engage in. You felt loose, hazy, like you could melt into the floor. You were enjoying yourself so much that you didn’t quite pay attention to what he was saying anymore. Your eyes trained on his lips and tongue as he spoke, trailing down to his ruffled shirt and loosened red tie. Sure, he was a distraction in your usual work environment, but this was bad. Unfortunately, your brain was too fried to realize how overt you were being.

You blinked yourself out of your reverie when you realized something: this was the perfect opportunity and the perfect excuse to get intimate with your coworker. The thought of fucking Brett made the back of your neck heat up, and your mind lingered on the idea for way too long. You were trying to imagine the details of his face and body in such an intimate and vulnerable situation, and you felt your face flush even more. Why are you so flustered? You reasoned with yourself that it was only because of how hot he is, nothing more.

Whatever, fuck it.

You shuffled over to Brett, straddling his lap and shoving one of your knees between his legs. Your hands came to his shoulders, flattening wrinkles on his crisp, white shirt. He had a nervous smile plastered across his face. He is so cute. You grinned playfully, leaning down and kissing up his jaw.

“Wanna go back to my office?” You watched him expectantly, biting your lip. You were a little nervous. It had to be the drugs, right?

“Yeah, sure.” Brett blinked, looking pleasantly surprised at your offer.

You took his larger hand in yours and the two of you snuck out of the conference room. It was only a few corridors and hallways down, close for convenience. You thanked God or whatever higher being in dark robes that existed that you were spared an elevator ride. You weren’t sure if you’d be able to act normal enough to convince whoever watched the elevator security footage that the two of you weren’t about to hook up.

Soon enough you were in your office, which was luckily a closed off room. As the overseer of finance, you had similar status to Reagan and Brett, but while Reagan had her lab, you had a spacious office where you were able to sort through Cognito Inc.’s annual revenue and costs, insurance policies, and new ways to evade taxes every year.

You shut and locked the door with a quiet click. Even though you had been in here many times, you took in your surroundings. The large windows behind your desk overlooked a nice view similar to J.R.’s. No one could see you from the busy street far below, but the off chance that someone did was exciting to consider. You unbuttoned your blouse halfway down, revealing your (luckily nice) bra. Brett’s eyes found their way to your chest and he couldn’t look away. You felt exposed—the weight of his gaze was something you had never felt before. Something about it excited you, causing a heat to pool in between your legs as he approached you.

“Okay, wow, this is happening,” Brett looked a little nervous, and that made you want him even more. If he hadn’t wanted to do this, he would’ve said so. Even if he was a people pleaser and high off his ass, he seemed just as interested in sexual endeavors with you as you were with him. Despite this, you just wanted to make sure.

“Is this okay?” You came up to Brett, placing your hands on his chest. He nodded eagerly and wrapped his arms around your waist. You leaned up to kiss him, and he returned twofold. You were caught off guard by his eagerness, but tried to kiss him more fervently to match his pace.

Brett reached down and grabbed the meat of your thigh, hiking your leg up his side. You sighed into his mouth as he grabbed at your leg and held your body flush against his. You felt his dick press against you through your clothes and your ears prickled with heat. You were thrilled that he seemed to want you—bad.

Suddenly, you pulled away, and Brett actually frowned at the loss of contact. That look he was giving you was enough to get you off alone. Slinking an arm around his shoulder and pressing yourself back against him, you moved your hand down to the bulge in his slacks, rubbing against his erection tentatively. He groaned quietly, breathing a hot breath down your neck, causing you to shiver.

You traced the brunet’s pants in the shape of a heart and then moved to palm his clothed cock. The moments were slow and deliberate, almost teasing. Seeing him like this was something you just couldn’t put in words, so you decided that you were going to show him with your actions. You squeezed your thighs together when the sound of a repressed whimper left his lips, which were now a little red and swollen.

“You’re doing so good, Brett,” you whispered quietly, your tone genuine and loving. He let out a shallow breath, clearly turned on by your words of praise.

“I wanna make you feel good…too,” he whispered back, and you swore your heart skipped about four beats. You cupped his cheek with your hand that had been around his neck and looked up at him, brushing your thumb on his smooth face. How does this man never have any stubble?

“Maybe another night. Right now, I’m here for you, pretty boy,” your lips curled into a smile as you finished your sentence. Brett’s mouth formed into a small ‘o’, but he didn’t protest. You held his shoulders and guided him backwards to your office chair. He sat, his legs slightly spread out and his arms resting on each side. You stood in front of him and slowly started taking off your clothes.

Your shoes went first; you slid the comfortable loafers off and placed them next to each other on the floor. Then was your blouse, halfway unbuttoned but still tucked into your faded black pencil skirt. You casually tugged it out of your bottoms, taking your time to unbutton the rest of the buttons before shrugging it off and letting it fall to the floor. Next was your skirt, which had a tiny zipper that you didn’t rush to unzip. Playing things out seemed to be working, because one glance at Brett and you could see that his hard-on was straining against his pants. He bit his lip as he tried not to cover himself up.

Finally, you tugged off your skirt and let it join your blouse on the ground. You were left in your bra, underwear, and a bland pair of tights. You clearly had not planned on presenting your half-naked self to the titular coworker, or else you would’ve worn nicer undergarments or even lingerie.

Brett stared, perhaps in awe, at your figure. His hand moved so he could palm himself through his pants. You blushed, the bold action catching you off guard, but you tried to keep it together. You shook your head and climbed on top of him, straddling him and placing your hands on his chest.

“Let me take care of you, alright?” You looked at him with a lidded gaze, which he returned. He nodded and mumbled an, “okay,” with an already fucked-out look on his face (you were just getting started, too). Honestly, you found it kind of cute. The way he could barely look at you, or maybe it was how he was breathing a little erratically.

You could hardly wait.

As a way of testing the waters, you slowly circled your hips, grinding against Brett’s crotch. He groaned almost painfully, and you took that as a good sign. Holding onto his shoulders, you started to dry hump where you felt his enclosed cock. With each rock of your hips, you felt your clit throb with pleasure. You sighed, breathing hard through your nose. Momentarily, you locked eyes with him and he gave you a pleading look, but you didn’t stop.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, his hands moving to hold your waist in an attempt to help you grind on him. You moved your hips at a more fervent pace, giddily watching him fall apart underneath you. And oh, he just felt so good rubbing against your clit, now swollen in your damp underwear.

“I—,” he choked out, “I think I’m going to cum.”

And just like that, you stopped, completely halting the motions of your hips. You yourself were making your way to your own orgasm. Brett gave you a look of utter devastation, but you brought a hand up to his face and rubbed his cheek with your thumb.

“Good boy.”

Brett let out a small gasp as you moved your hands down to his pants, undoing his belt and pulling his fly down. You grazed his straining erection with gentle hands before finally pulling his length out of his white underwear. Of course his underwear is white, you thought to yourself, but quickly brushed the amusing thought away to focus on the task at hand.

“Thank God I take birth control,” you muttered as you pulled your underwear to the side and lined Brett’s cock up with your dripping entrance. You held his length and dragged it up and down your other lips. The way the head of his dick felt against your clit had both him and you moaning already.

Finally, you lowered yourself onto his cock. The two of you moaned as you stretched out around him. Moving at an almost grueling pace, you used his shoulders as leverage to lift yourself up and back down on his length. Unsurprisingly, his dick fit you perfectly. Your eyes filled with adoration as you began to ride him, but, unbeknownst to you, your feelings for him hardly held a candle to his.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Brett chanted under his breath, his chest rising and falling with each large breath he took. If you weren’t so focused on the way his cock hit your g-spot, you might’ve noticed the way he was looking at you. His heart was full and beating hard. Adrenaline pumped through his veins like liquid fire and he gave up on holding back his gasps and groans. His hands grabbed at your bare sides as he rocked his hips up into yours.

“Oh, p-please, I…”

You didn’t mind his neediness; on the contrary, you started fucking him more erratically as you felt your own climax on the horizon. Your clit bumped up against his pants as you rolled your hips, sending twinges of pleasure from your core to the rest of your body. You moved to grab onto his forearm, watching the way his eyebrows knitted together as he occasionally babled your name along with a string of curses.

“You feel so good, oh my God,” you hissed out as you continued to fuck yourself on his dick. He breathlessly agreed with your sentiment, his cheeks and shoulders flushed with pleasure.

“Can I cum inside of you?” Brett asked weakly as if to imply his impending orgasm, rolling his hips without any sort of rhythm. This time, you were going to make sure he came.

“Y-yeah,” you nodded vigorously, trying to focus on guiding the two of you each to your own orgasms. And when that wire inside of you was pulled so tight that it finally snapped, you moaned his name loudly. You tried your best not to stop until he came, which he did—hard.

The feeling of so suddenly being filled with the brunet’s cum was something that you tried to ingrain into your mind. You wanted to remember this forever, or even better, experience it again. Your chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, your brain was fuzzy despite you having sobered up, and you were undoubtedly going to be sore from riding him so hard.

You closed your eyes for a moment, catching your breath and relishing in the feeling of Brett still being inside of you. The moment only lasted for a brief moment because you suddenly felt a hand on your face. Your eyelids fluttered open at the feeling of the man’s gentle caress against your cheek. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and you felt your cheeks prickle with heat. Finally meeting his gaze, you were surprised to see him already looking at you.

Brett felt a lot less nervous than he had earlier; he hardly wanted to move from out of his position in your chair, and he just couldn’t get enough of the way you looked right now. He sighed softly, cocking his head to the side as he went to stroke your hair. That is, before he stopped himself.

“We should…get cleaned up.”

“Yeah,” you agreed with a small smile plastered on your face. You hadn’t even realized you were smiling until you opened your mouth to respond to him.

“There’s a bathroom attached to my office,” you whispered, “we can—“

“I got it. You stay here.” Brett insisted, looking up at you with a fixed expression. Your heart skipped once more and you averted your eyes to a plant in the far corner of your office. After another moment, you finally pulled yourself off of the man and collected your clothes, shrugging your blouse back on but hesitating to button it back up.

Brett tucked himself back into his pants and headed off in the direction you pointed him in. For a moment, you were left there alone. You stared at the now open bathroom door and the yellow-white light that spilled out of the room, and you tried not to focus on the feeling of cum dripping down your leg. Brett’s cum. Inside of you. The words took a second to register, and by the time the brunet came back, you were blushing.

“Here, lemme get this,” he awkwardly leaned down and wiped you up with a paper towel before quickly returning to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet and wash his hands. Always a people pleaser, that man.

You finally put your skirt back on and tucked your blouse in before zipping it up. Luckily, you had worn only a little bit of makeup to work that day, so the only thing that looked off about you was your hair, which was slightly frazzled. Brett’s was as well, so, to his utter delight, you quickly fixed it for him.

“There you go,” you smiled, trying not to think about how the two of you were a lot more sober than you had been earlier. Brett thanked you sheepishly.

“Uh, I-I’m gonna get going. See you, (Name),” He rubbed the back of his head as he slowly backed up to the door before finally unlocking it and leaving. Well, that was weird. You didn’t expect that he would have been in such a rush to leave. You wanted to shrug it off, but that odd feeling lingered in your mind before spreading to your heart and the pit of your stomach.

“Don’t worry,” you said to yourself as you checked the time on your phone. 5:08 PM. Damn, it’s time for me to get going too. You collected a couple of folders and put them in your bag before slinging it over your shoulder.

“It’s okay, tomorrow things will be normal. It’ll be business as usual.”

Yeah. Business as usual…

#brett hand #inside job #brett hand x reader #brett hand smut #smut

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