#fun fact this was inspired by the feeling of listening to The Call that basically plays at the end of Chronicles of Narnia second movie

[buttercupshands]

surprise hug!

[trans-leek-cookie]

someone talking about the ways media and common tropes/depictions of things that are either explicitly or implicitly linked to marginalized people are demonized and presented badly is not a fucking opportunity for you to flex how you're doing it Differently And Better

[praisethegabs]

HATE THAT I LOVE YOU

leon kennedy x f!reader

synopsis: Leon can't stand seeing you around him. You know how much he hates you and you like having fun with it. Things get worse when the two of you get lost during one mission, with no comms to call for help. Leon blames you for everything, until he revels something he shouldn't.

warnings: ENEMIES TO LOVERS. descriptions of injuries, reader taking care of leon, comfort, fake marriage, descriptions of nudity, leon drunk and and reader teasing him. small reference to call of duty characters as part of reader backstory.

word count: 10k +

a/n: heavily inspired by "death of me" by wizthemc. cover from laughingwallaby on x/twitter. it isn't necessary to listen to the song, but I highly recommend it.

"he’d set fire to the world around him but never let a flame touch her" senlinyu

Leon Kennedy hates you more than anything else in this world. 

He hated the fact he was obligated to be your partner, hated the reckless way you always managed to finish a mission practically intact, and hated the way you always succeeded in something, no matter what it was. He hates you entirely, even your perfume is enough to get him on his nerves. 

He hates you ten times more because he knows you know he hates you, and you seem like you don't care about it at all. 

It all started three years ago, when he discovered he would be your new partner. Your name was pretty famous, and so were you. Not that he envies your success, but he never thought he would be under the shadow of someone like you. At first, Leon was very impressed with your skills and the way you work, but two weeks later, he started to despise you, and this feeling turned into hatred. 

You ain’t stupid, you can even feel all the hate he has towards you, and things get better because you have this masochist side of yours that makes you feel happy seeing how angry he can be at you. 

Although you don’t care about the reasons he hates you, the thing is, you can’t deny how attractive Leon can be, and having him as your partner makes every other agent jealous of how lucky you are. It’s Agent Kennedy, the one and only. The guy who rescued the president's daughter and basically did other significant things for the government. 

But, despite the Leon you know at work, his entire life is a blank page. You know absolutely nothing about him, and he doesn’t care about sharing his personal life details with someone he hates. You noticed a while ago that you are the only person Leon ignores and despises completely, and he avoids talking to you as much as he can, only when it is necessary. And when he opens that pretty mouth of his, it usually contains hateful words. 

At this point, you just do your job the way you see fit and come back home safely, not caring about Leon’s arrogant ass. 

“You could have killed us!” Leon snaps at you, his entire demeanor showing stress. He can’t avoid grabbing you by your arm and squeezing it tightly, which makes you groan.

“Well, golden boy, at least your ass is intact and here. I’d like to hear a nice ‘thank you’, how about it?” You smirk and tilt your head, and in response, his entire face turns red with anger.  

“You’re so fucking immature. Do you think you’ll be lucky for the rest of your life?” He raised his voice, his hand on your arm getting tighter by the second. The expression on your lips didn’t make things easier. “One day, you won’t be that lucky, and you’ll probably drop dead somewhere. I won’t be there to pick up your pieces. Do you want to risk your life? Go ahead, I don’t fucking care, but don’t drag me into your bullshit again. I’m your partner, not your babysitter” 

“I’m really surprised you consider me your partner, Kennedy,” you smirk again, and that smirk was enough to infuriate Leon more than he already was. 

Leon was on the verge of yelling at you, but the cold expression that quickly went up on his face was enough to make your smirk disappear. You have never seen him like that, it was weird. 

“Maybe I should change that,” he hissed with cold and dead eyes, finally letting go of your arm.

“Good luck with that, Kennedy,” you coo, crossing your arms over your chest as you speak. 

After saying that, the smile you gave him was enough to make Leon livid. He wanted so badly to take that ironic smile off of your lips, he wished that right now you were a man, so he could definitely teach you a lesson you wouldn’t forget so soon. However, you are the same annoying opposite gender that he hates so much. So, instead of beating the living shit out of you, he just watched you leave, turning in the opposite direction to calm himself down before he did something stupid. 

The last mission was very simple: locate and terminate a bioweapon. As you two went there to find the said bioweapon, the entire area was drowning in chaos. The area was isolated to prevent the bioweapon from running away, and alongside you and Leon, there was the entire squad ready to follow your lead. 

It should be simple, right? Here's the part where Leon thinks you're completely reckless. Instead of following the standard protocol, you thought it would be best to use yourself as bait and literally explode the entire block. Your stupid plan really worked, and the bioweapon died in the explosion; luckily, you were left with a few scratches and a bleeding ear — which the doctor said wasn't something serious, although you would be “deaf” for a few days from your right side. 

So, when you got home, the first thing you actually did was take a nap, which turned out to be deeper than you expected. You slept for twelve hours with your phone in airplane mode so that no one could disturb your sleep. The only thing you weren't counting on was waking up to the distant sounds of someone practically wanting to take your door down. Wearing your cat pajamas, your hair a complete mess, and your face swollen after so many hours sleeping, the last person you thought you would see was Leon. 

And he was right there. 

“Do you know I’m out of the clock at the moment, right?” you asked him, with a big yawn seconds later. His face wasn't one of the most friendly you've seen. 

“Yeah? Do you think I’m here because I want it?” Leon rolls his eyes, sounding annoyed and bored. 

“Well, golden boy, if you’re here to yell at me about what happened earlier, I suggest you wait until tomorrow. I’m definitely not in the mood for you,” you said, already closing the door, when Leon suddenly stopped you. “I always thought you were a weirdo, now I’m sure of it. What do you want?” 

“Get ready for our new assignment. And try to dress in something more... elegant.” Leon gave you the file from the next mission. Surprised, you started to read the file, and out of nowhere, you started to laugh in disbelief. 

“Recently married couple on their honeymoon? Is this some kind of sick joke?” You glanced at him, still laughing nervously at your new disguise with him. 

“Trust me, I asked the same question, and unfortunately, that's our new disguise. So, get your ass ready. We’ll be leaving in three hours, Ms. Kennedy,” he said with his Stoic and cold expression as always, giving you a ring made of white gold, which made you think how expensive it was. 

“I’m pretty sure our agency wouldn’t give us this type of accessory,” you said to him, taking a good look at the ring he gave you. White gold, with a beautiful sapphire and diamonds carved around the blue stone. 

“Don’t be late,” Leon said, ignoring your last commentary. “I’ll be waiting at the airport” 

Leon left without looking at your confused expression. You had to read the file at least three times until you finally understood the mission. Leon and you were going to pose as a recently married couple enjoying their honeymoon as you two investigate a famous billionaire that made its own wealth by selling bioweapons in the market. You sighed with the sudden stress, walking towards your room to prepare your bag. After finishing your bag, you caught yourself glancing again at the ring. You were sure the agency wouldn’t give this ring to Leon for a fake marriage. It was something else, but what? 

So, one hour later, you drove to the airport. At least this time, you weren’t late, and Leon wouldn’t be making a scene over it. You found him distracted, wearing sunglasses with his leather jacket, his hair shining in the sunlight. Leon seemed very focused on the book he was reading, and it was a big surprise to see him like that, especially because you knew nothing about him. 

“So, dear husband, are you ready to go?” you ask, seeing him put his book aside. He looked very beautiful with those sunglasses. 

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded, his voice sounding calm instead of the coldness you were used to. You noticed he was wearing his own wedding ring. 

“Will you tell me where these came from?” You started to walk next to him, referring yourself to the ring he gave you, hoping it would be a real answer. 

“Why do you care? It’s just a ring,” Leon replied, avoiding the subject as much as he could. 

“I don’t think it’s just a ring. It has some marks on it, like it was used before.” The egocentric smile on your lips made Leon take a deep breath. 

“It was from my mother, okay? It’s the last thing I had from her and my dad before they died. Satisfied?” Leon harshly replied to you, and you knew you had screwed up. You didn’t know about his family, and the way he replied made you realize it was a hard subject. 

“I’m sorry, Leon. I didn’t know,” you hissed, feeling your entire face burn with shame. 

“Like you care,” he replied in a cold tone, walking away from you towards the airport. 

The rest of the flight was absolute silence. Leon didn’t speak with you and had no intention to do so. You felt terrible, but you decided not to show him any feelings; the guy literally hated you, and showing how you felt was the last thing he would believe. So, thinking about all the years of free hate, you decided it was for the best to pretend you didn’t care.

Naturally, pretending that everything was fine was one of your best qualities. You were so good at hiding your own feelings that no one could read you or decipher your emotions. 

At the hotel, hours later, you were ready to follow Leon and finish the job. Deep down, you were expecting his coldness and his famous Stoic expression, along with his grumpy humor. However, you were caught off guard when he suddenly took your bags and smiled at you. He was, indeed, a full mystery. 

“C’mon, darling. I’ll take your bags for you.” When he said that, you noticed the “recently married couple” game was on. You glance at him and smile broadly, then kiss his cheek.

“Oh, babe, you’re so sweet to me. Thank you,” you said, giving him your bag and walking in front of him like you were some kind of model. Two people could play this game, right? 

After the check-in, you two walked between fake laughs until you reached the master bedroom. Leon could pay, and so could you, but you decided to let him play along since it was his mission, and you were just his annoying partner. 

“Such a cliché… having one bed,” you sighed at the sight of the master bed in the center of the room. 

“We’re married, it should look like that.” Leon rolled his eyes, leaving your bag close to the bed as he analyzed the entire room. 

“No, we’re not married. We’re pretending to be,” you said, sitting on the edge of the bed and smirking ironically at him. “And besides, why me? You said you wanted to leave. You could have asked for any other agent”  

“Who said I didn't ask?” Leon replied with the same ironic smirk on his lips, sitting on the armchair in front of you. 

“And what did they say?” Suddenly, you sounded more upset than your usual sarcastic demeanor. You hope Leon didn’t notice. 

“Unfortunately, they can’t give me another partner. Guess I’m stuck with you for God knows how long” He sounded annoyed for a moment, but you chose to ignore it completely. 

You decided you needed a bath. You took a few clothes from your bag and decided to “play” with him. Not only that, but you removed your clothes in front of him, sensually, trying to get some reaction from him. When you glanced at Leon, he was hard.

“What are you doing?” he asked, and you noticed he was breathing heavily. Now he was nervous, and it wasn't anger. 

“We are married. I guess this is what wives do in front of their husbands.” You wink at him, making your way to the bathroom wearing nothing but your lingerie. 

Leon was completely speechless. You could see him swallowing harder, his Adam’s apple going up and down faster. The devilish smile on your lips didn’t make things easier for him, either. It took a lot of strength from him to look anywhere else but you. Leon was clearly uncomfortable and nervous. 

“You know, if you want this mission to succeed, you must pretend you don’t hate me. And for that, you need to trust me, Kennedy. I know you despise my methods, and I know you’re anxious to get rid of me, and honestly, I don’t really give a shit about your teenage behavior,” you said from the bathroom, wrapping your now naked body around a white towel and opening the door again so you could see him. “So, I promise I’ll try my best to not screw everything up. Just try not to act like the asshole you are usually whenever you’re with me” 

“Oh, I’m the asshole now.” Leon finally seemed to wake up from his own trance, and his expression suddenly changed from Stoic to aggressive. "You've acted like a complete jerk since the first day we started to work together, and according to you, I’m the asshole here? You should look at yourself in the mirror, sweetheart” 

“Then why did you stay here with me this entire time? You could have split a long time ago, golden boy,” you say, crossing your arms in your chest, not intimidated by his behavior. 

“I told you. They won’t put me with another agent. I’m stuck with you, and trust me, I wish I could have left a very long time ago,” Leon replied coldly, his blue eyes almost icy with the way he was staring at you. 

But instead of your silence, you caught him off guard.

“I know you’re lying. If you snap your fingers, they will do everything you want. You just have to ask, since you’re their golden boy. They freaking love you, Kennedy, and there’s nothing they wouldn't do to please you. Don’t bullshit me,” you said, walking slowly towards him and hissing, your eyes shining with sarcasm. 

But Leon didn’t give you an answer. Instead, he took his leather jacket and left the room without saying something. You decided to calm yourself down and go straight for a bath, enjoying the candles and their arousal. After what seemed to be a long time in the tub, you left the tub and wrapped the towel around your body; the room was still empty, and you couldn't care less about Leon. If he wanted to act like a pampered kid, that was his problem, not yours. 

You enjoyed the time alone to do your skin care routine, and decided to take care of your own body as well. It was almost eight when the phone inside your room started to ring. 

“Ms. Kennedy, I’m sorry to interrupt, but your husband seems to be causing quite a scene in the hotel bar. I might have to ask you to pick him up; otherwise, I’ll have to ask security to take care of him,” the person on the other side says to you, and immediately, you sighed. 

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll go get him right now. Thank you,” you said, forcing the most sweet tone of voice you could at the moment.  

You left the room thinking about ending Leon. He could definitely jeopardize the entire mission with his behavior, and this was unacceptable. When you found him in the bar, he was, indeed, causing a big scene. Leon was screaming and scaring the rest of the guests, and there were at least three security guards next to him. 

“Leon, darling, come on. You've had enough,” you said, approaching him and touching his shoulder softly. 

“Are you his wife?” one of the security guards asks you with a serious expression. You couldn’t blame the man, he was only doing his job. 

“Yes, and I am really sorry for my husband. I guess he’s just too carried away…” you said with the calmest tone of voice you could, trying your best to hold him tight. 

“Ma’am, you need to control him. He made a lot of mess in the bar.” The other looked severely at you, with an angry expression. 

“I’m here, aren’t I? Don’t worry about the trouble, we can pay for the inconvenience,” you replied in a harsh tone. Suddenly, Leon threw up, and his vomit fell on the floor. “And we can pay for that too”

“Suck on that, fuckers!” Leon smiled before you dragged him back to your room. 

In the silence of the hallway, Leon had a lot of difficulty walking properly. He was stumbling on his feet and saying incoherent things in your ear. You never saw him like that, and it was pretty weird being his babysitter. You wanted to kill him, but he couldn’t even stand, and possibly wouldn’t remember a thing the next day. 

“I hate you,” you muttered, dragging him across the hallway towards your room. 

“Why do you hate me?” Leon asks, his mouth smelling of alcohol and his words confused. “Am I not good enough?” 

“Where is this coming from?” You raised both of your eyebrows in visible confusion. Finally, you reached the room and unlocked the door, dragging Leon into the bathroom. 

“I tried… to be enough… I know I’m an asshole, but… I’m scared of being hurt again, and… I push people away from me… but you’re so different…” he says between drunken hiccups, which is almost funny, but completely unexpected. “I've liked you since the first time I saw you, and… and…” Leon throws up again in the toilet, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, before looking at you again. You were completely speechless. 

“I think you need a bath,” you muttered, still shocked by his words. Your hands were shaking, and for a moment, you had no idea what you should do. 

“No… I… I need to finish this because I don’t know when I’ll have the balls to do so again…” Leon grabs you tightly, not wanting to let go of you. Biting your lower lip, you nodded. “I know I said I hate you, but… but that’s not true. I only did that because… because I was scared and thought you would reject me… so I started to act like an asshole… I’m so sorry” 

“It’s okay… I should be sorry too, I didn’t make things easier for you since day one” you said to him, sounding more kind than you usually are. He won’t remember this conversation, you are sure of it. 

“I feel complete trash… I should’ve just… asked you instead of acting like an asshole…” Leon said this between other rounds of drunken hiccups. He’s pretty wasted. 

And before this conversation could end in another way, you decided to give him a cold bath. You didn’t remove his clothes, and he complained a lot when he felt the cold water on him. After that, you had to change his clothes, and when Leon saw you touching him, he turned hard again, although he was too drunk to even be ashamed. You had trouble laying him on the bed, but he didn’t struggle against you. 

“I love you,” he whispers before falling asleep. 

The next morning, you decided to leave Leon alone for a while. You couldn’t explain to him what happened the night before because you were too shocked to say something. “I love you,” he said, and his words made a home in your head. How was that even possible?

Leon Kennedy, the guy who hated you with his entire being, said he loved you. He was drunk, and he probably didn’t mean any of those words. Maybe he was just playing a game with you, maybe that wasn’t true. However… drunk people tend to say things they usually wouldn’t say. So, there was a remote possibility that he was, indeed, telling the truth. How could you believe him? 

“Fuck… what happened?” Leon asks you when he woke up, squeezing his eyes. He had a terrible headache. 

“You got drunk last night and caused a lot of trouble in the bar,” you said, throwing at him a small, transparent bag with painkillers. 

“Shit, I can’t remember anything. My head hurts like crazy.” Leon looks at you, and you can see the effects of the hangover on his face. 

“Glad one of us has commitment to the job,” you said, sounding harsher than you wanted to be. Leon looks at you again, but completely confused this time. 

“What did I say?” he asks, and then, as you can notice, he sounds more desperate. If it were at another time, you would definitely take advantage of it, but his words echoed in your head again. 

“Nothing important. Just regular drunk stuff,” you say, shaking your shoulders, avoiding the subject that was hammering your head. 

"Fine.” He nods his head and stands up, walking to the bathroom. 

His words were floating in your head, and it was hard not to think about what happened the other night. At this point, you had no idea how you would finish the mission. Not with his words hammering in your head, penetrating your chest, and making you feel things you really don’t want to.

You hate Leon Kennedy and everything he made you feel.

He comes out of the bathroom, and he has a towel wrapped around his waist. The sight you had of him, all muscular, his body sculpted by the gods, walking like that in his own glory. It made your stomach twitch. You felt your face burning, and right now, you wanted to dissipate from the earth. 

“We have a meeting in one hour.” You had to find a lot of strength inside you to not stare at his chest when you spoke to him. 

“Can you go alone? I’m not really in perfect condition.” Leon sits on the bed, looking at you. He seems to not realize what’s happening. You, in response, shake your head. 

“No, I can’t. Since we’re married, you need to come with me. It sucks, huh?” you replied with a cold smile, looking at him with dead eyes. 

“Jesus, you’re really a pain in the ass,” he says in a deep breath, reaching for the painkillers. 

You decided to ignore his commentary and get ready for the day. According to your new schedule, the man you two went to investigate would be in a meeting and then head to the restaurant. It was the perfect opportunity. You decided to wear a short black dress, making your thighs visible, and a V-neckline, showing a little of your breasts. 

"Fuck” Leon mutters when he sees you, and you can notice he’s a little nervous. Maybe he’s starting to remember what he did last night.

“What?” you ask him, raising both of your eyebrows.

“I can’t find my phone,” he replies angrily, looking the entire room over to find his phone.

“It’s in the drawer.” You rolled your eyes, finishing with the makeup and your hair. Leon sighed in relief when he finally found his phone. “You’re welcome”

He took a few minutes until he finished getting ready. Leon was wearing a navy blue shirt, black shorts, and sunglasses, the same ones he was using at the airport. He was looking very beautiful, but you decided to keep your thoughts to yourself.

“Ready?” he finally asks you, looking at you with some curiosity. You nodded, grabbing your purse and walking next to him outside the room.

The hotel’s restaurant was filled with the clinking of cutlery and the low murmur of conversations. Leon and you decided to sit across from each other at a small, intimate table, your gazes scanning the room for any sign of your target.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the soft jazz playing in the background provided a calming facade to the tension that lingered between them. Leon, with disheveled hair and a pair of sunglasses that only partially hid the evidence of a rough night, rubbed his temples and winced.

"Ugh, I think I might die. I can't believe you dragged me into this after last night. I swear, my head is splitting." he muttered, pretending to be reading the menu.

"This is a mission, Leon, not a vacation. You knew what you signed up for when you took that last shot. Now, pull yourself together. We need to find our guy, and your hangover isn't helping." you shot him a withering look, your eyes sharp beneath a cascade of your hair

"I just don't get why we couldn't have rescheduled this. I mean, who plans a stakeout the morning after an undercover party? It's like the universe is against me." Leon leaned back in his chair, wincing at the light filtering through the bistro's window.

"We don't have the luxury of rescheduling. This is our best chance to catch him off guard, and we can't afford any mistakes. Your lack of professionalism could jeopardize the entire mission. So, get over yourself and focus." You clenched your jaw, your frustration evident.

Leon sighed, realizing he had hit a nerve. He straightened up and took off his sunglasses, revealing bloodshot eyes.

"Fine, fine. I get it. No more complaints. Let's just eat and keep an eye out for our guy. Maybe the food will cure this hangover from hell." he said, waving his hand at the waitress.

"Good. We need to stay sharp. Our target is slippery, and we can't afford to miss any signs. Just remember, we're a married couple on a lunch date. Act natural." you nodded, your stern expression softening slightly.

As the minutes went by, the restaurant was an oasis of calm, its subdued lighting and plush furnishings a stark contrast to the pounding headache Leon was nursing.

Besides his mood and his complaints about the headache, you were the one who maintained a professional demeanor. However, your patience was wearing thin. The clinking of silverware and muted conversations formed a backdrop to your undercover mission.

"Can we make this quick? My head feels like it's about to split open." Leon winced, massaging his temples after minutes in silence.

"You brought this upon yourself, Leon. You can't let your personal life interfere with the mission. We have a job to do." You shot him a disapproving glance.

"I didn't expect last night to turn into a frat party. It was supposed to be a simple gathering." Leon sighed, regret etched on his face.

"Well, you should have thought about that before you started to behave like a pampered kid. But guess what, Kennedy? We can't change that now. We're on a timeline, and we can't afford mistakes. So, suck it up and focus." your eyes narrowed, your tone of voice sounding angry. I love you, his words, still echoing in the back of your head,

As he perused the menu, Leon's eyes flickered across the room, and he stiffened.

"There he is," he muttered, nodding discreetly toward your target who had just entered the restaurant.

"Perfect timing, Leon. Just what we needed." your gaze followed Leon's, and you cursed under your breath.

You two ordered quickly, your argument temporarily set aside as you two maintained the appearance of a normal, albeit slightly disgruntled, married couple. The target settled at a nearby table, engaged in conversation with an associate. As your food arrived, Leon's hangover-induced irritability resurfaced.

"Can we at least eat in peace before we tail him? I'm not in the mood for this undercover drama." he complains again.

"Your mood doesn't matter. We need to catch this guy. Finish your food quickly, and we'll tail him discreetly." you shot him a stern look.

Leon grumbled but complied, glancing over his shoulder at the target. The argument simmered beneath the surface, waiting for the opportune moment to erupt. As the two of you left the restaurant, the hangover weighed heavily on Leon, intensifying his annoyance. You kept your voice low as you two trailed the target through the hotel's corridors.

"Leon, I don't care about your hangover. We can argue later. Right now, we need to focus on the mission." you sharply told him in annoyance.

Leon shot back, his tone sharp, "Well, maybe if you were a bit more understanding, we wouldn't have to argue at all. This headache is killing me."

You shot him a pointed look but decided to let it go for the moment as you two approached the front desk to inquire about your room. The target was believed to be staying on one of the upper floors, and obviously, you two needed to gather information without raising suspicion. As you stepped into the elevator, Leon swayed slightly, earning a disapproving glance from you. The elevator doors closed, and Leon muttered:

"I'll be fine. Let's just get this over with."

The doors opened to a corridor adorned with plush carpeting and dimmed lights. You and Leon maintained their cover, acting the part of the honeymooning couple as you two made your way down the hall. Just as the both of you reached the door to the suspected target's room, a sudden chill crept up Leon's spine.

A group of imposing figures, undoubtedly the target's security detail, emerged from the elevator behind you. Your eyes widened as you discreetly tugged on Leon's arm, directing his attention to the unexpected threat.

"Leon, we've got company," you whispered urgently.

“Well, sweetheart, you won’t like this” Leon said, turning himself to you.

“What-”

Before you could even speak, you felt his lips crushing against yours. Something about his kiss made you feel something inside your chest. The taste of alcohol mixed with mint, the way his tongue danced inside your mouth, it was something you never felt and tasted before.

Leon tilted your chin upward, creating the perfect illusion of a stolen moment between two infatuated lovers. The security guards, momentarily thrown off by the unexpected display, hesitated in their approach. You felt him break the kiss, your eyes meeting with a shared understanding.

“That was close” he whispers, holding your hand as you two walk together in the corridor.

But you were left without any words. His kiss caught you completely off guard and for some stupid reason, you felt your legs were failing you. Something about the way Leon's lips pressed against yours sparked an internal conflict. His kiss was not one of disdain; it was fervent, almost desperate. In that moment, the line between pretense and reality blurred, and you found yourself torn between the mission and your own conflicting emotions.

As you walked in silence next to him, the tension between you two became palpable. Leon, ever the professional, maintained his stoic expression, his eyes scanning the horizon for any potential threats, even with the hangover state. You, on the other hand, couldn't shake off the unease that accompanied you every step. You stole a glance at Leon, his features carved in light of the hallway.

Suddenly, the tranquility of the night shattered as a series of sharp cracks pierced the air. Bullets whizzed past you two, sparking against the cobblestone streets. You and Leon instinctively dove behind the cover of a wall as the realization hit — you two were the targets now.

"Move!" Leon shouted over the chaos, grabbing your arm and propelling you forward.

The rhythmic staccato of gunfire followed you two, echoing through the maze of narrow alleys. The assailants were relentless, shadows in pursuit, fueled by an unseen vendetta. You two sprinted through the labyrinthine corridors, your breaths mingling with the desperate echoes of your footfalls. Leon's mind raced, analyzing escape routes and potential hiding spots. You, feeling your heart pounding, cast glances over your shoulder, your instincts sharp as you matched Leon's every move.

The honeymoon facade shattered as the two agents sprinted down the corridor, bullets whizzing past the two of you. Panic and urgency replaced the hangover-induced haze in Leon's mind. You two reached a stairwell, taking it two steps at a time, the footsteps drowned out by the chaos unfolding behind you.

As you two burst onto a lower floor, you spotted an emergency exit. Without hesitation, you burst through the door, finding yourselves in a garden. The adrenaline-fueled escape continued through the green labyrinthine surrounding the hotel, leaving the luxurious facade behind as you and Leon navigated the maze, chased by both the consequences of the cover being blown and the remnants of the security detail.

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

Apparently, the said billionaire found out about the two of you, and now, Leon and you had to run somewhere else safe, leaving all your belongings in the hotel. There were gunshots everywhere, and you had to fight for your dear life, protecting you and Leon with a marble statue as a form of barricade to prevent being shot.

“This isn’t how I expected my honeymoon to be,” Leon muttered, shooting one of the security guards.

“This isn’t a honeymoon either,” you replied, firing your gun at the guard, killing him with a perfect headshot. “We are not even married”

“Well, this isn’t how I imagined it, anyway. We need to get out, Ms. Kennedy,” Leon said, offering his hand to you, which you took without thinking twice. You started to run, with Leon covering your back.

You could hear the security guards running after you, two more gunshots. Likewise, you ran for your life, not daring to look behind you, knowing Leon was right behind you, making sure you were protected, which was very odd, considering the history between the two of you.

At the moment, it's the last thing you're worried about. After a few minutes of running, you managed to escape the guards and find a place to hide. You were breathing heavily, and shaking.

“Are you okay?” Leon asks you, looking at the direction you two came from.

“Why do you care?” you simply replied, coughing a little as you tried to catch your breath.

“Do you think I don’t remember what I said last night? C’mon, I might be a drunk asshole, but I don’t forget things easily.” Leon glanced at you, which was more sympathetic than usual.

“This isn’t fair. You can’t say things like that after treating me like garbage for years,” you snapped at him, finally letting your feelings go without any shame. “You can’t say you love me, and the next day you can’t barely look at my face. You can’t say you love me when the only thing that comes from your mouth is hate and disgust. This isn’t fair, and you can’t play like that with me”

After saying that, you decided to walk yourself out and leave Leon alone. Who the hell did he think he was? He had no right to play with your feelings like that. You were so angry at him for throwing that on your shoulders with no responsibility.

Besides, you had important things to deal with, not his bullshit. Your hands were shaking like crazy, and you realized that you had no control over your feelings, and this was very dangerous, especially in your line of work. You needed to calm yourself down, and you needed to do it fast.

Hours later, everything was quiet. Leon was nowhere to be seen, because you didn’t notice when he went missing in the first place, and you couldn't care less about him. It was obviously a stupid idea to try to get back to the hotel, knowing it would be heavily secured after what happened earlier. But, somehow, you felt something very wrong.

The gunshot noises out there were exactly what you didn’t want to hear. You heard screams and loud voices, and immediately, your hand fell to your gun. You heard footsteps, and by the sound, you knew this person was supporting his body weight on his left leg, and was limping heavily. When you were about to attack, it was him.

“What the hell?” you gasped in shock, seeing him limping and, of course, injured.

“I tried to get our comms back” he whimpered almost quietly, as you helped him sit down. He was breathing heavily, his hand pressing tightly on his ribs. “But, as you can see, it didn’t go well.”

“And you say I'm reckless, right?” you muttered, trying to see the size of the damage on him, although he whined again. “You could've died in there, asshole”

“Now I understand why you do things this way,” Leon chuckles, but then he groans in pain, his grip on his ribs getting tight. “It’s way more fun”

“Fun? Are you out of your mind, Kennedy?” you snapped at him. If Leon wasn’t injured at the moment, you would definitely beat the living shit out of him. “I don’t do things like that for fun!”

“Keep your voice down, sweetheart. I don’t want to get back home inside a coffin,” Leon said, as he pressed his hand on your mouth to keep you quiet. In the sudden silence, you were able to hear more footsteps, and Leon kept pressing his hand on your mouth. A few minutes later, everything went silent again.

“I’m not… okay” he mutters, and his eyes meet yours. Blue like the ocean. And then, you finally see the blood spot on his shirt — the same spot he was trying to hide from you. “I’m sorry”

“I swear to God, if you dare to die on me, I’ll personally kill you, Kennedy,” you replied, and then you started to press his wound to prevent him from bleeding to a certain death.

But he smiled. It was a faint smile, but he was really smiling at you. You saw him raise his hand, and he touched your hair, moving the strands that fell on your face. The way he was looking at you, so sad and weak, it was like he was saying goodbye.

“You look so... beautiful.” His voice seems weak, and his breath starts to become more shallow. “I guess… this is what angels look like”

“C’mon, Leon, don’t you dare die on me,” you said as you noticed yourself getting more anxious by the second.

He smiled again and kept looking at you with those beautiful blue eyes. Slowly, he started to close his eyes, and his breath got more shallow, indicating he was losing consciousness. The more you tried to keep him awake, the more he seemed lost. You were slowly losing him.

“Condor One! Condor Two,” someone called you two. It was your squad.

“We’re here” you shouted at them, your hands filled with Leon’s blood as you waved at your squad. “He’s injured and losing a lot of blood”

“Don’t worry, we’re taking you two,” the leader said as the team approached you with medical equipment.

You couldn’t describe the stress you felt with everything that happened in the meantime. Did you two succeed in the mission? Was it over? You couldn’t know. Not until you were sure Leon was safe and sound.

From the helicopter, you could see the sirens, the local police, and the agents from the government. It was almost unbelievable, but it was true. The operation was a success, after all. You glanced at Leon. He was sleeping, or at least he seemed to be.

You tried to rest, but it seemed unreachable. Your body was electric, filled with constant energy that prevented you from closing your eyes. You wanted to sleep badly, but your concern about him was enough to keep you awake. When the helicopter finally landed at the hospital heliport, Leon was immediately taken into surgery. As for you, you had no other option but to wait.

Hours later, you had no news about him, and the anxiety was eating you alive from the inside. At this point, your body was less tense than before, and the first signs of stress and tiredness were finally showing up. You were sitting in a chair, in an empty white hallway, waiting. The hours seemed to slip through your fingers, slowly.

You sighted a kid playing with a purple teddy bear, and for a moment, you started to wonder about the life you led. The choices you made and how you ended up in your job. It was weird to think that while other people had normal lives, you had to risk yours every day, to make sure they would live in a safe world.

It sounded selfish to think like that, but you had every reason to do so since you couldn’t have a normal life. That word didn’t exist in your dictionary. Nor in your days.

Then, you see yourself playing with Leon’s mother's ring on your finger. For a brief moment, you imagined how your life would be if you were married and raising kids. Then, you push away these thoughts; motherhood isn’t your style, not even a married life.

“Ms. Kennedy?” you hear the doctor call you, and the sound of Leon’s surname addressed to you like you were his real wife makes your heart ache.

“Is he okay?” Your voice sounded more hoarse than you thought it would, a small consequence of being silent for so long. The look on the doctor’s face said there wasn’t good news.

“Your husband has lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stop the bleeding, and the surgery went well. Our main concern is with his brain injury…” The doctor pauses for a brief moment, wondering how to tell you the next news. “But, unfortunately, he’s in a coma.”

The news came at you like a violent wave. Suddenly, the world around you stopped, and you couldn't hear anything else. Your eyes were wide open, your chest was burning and aching, and for some stupid reason, you didn’t want to believe those words. How could Leon be in a coma? It was your thing to play reckless, he had no right to leave you like this.

You saw the doctor talking to you, but you couldn’t hear anything; everything around you was running slowly. What the hell was he saying? His lips moved slowly, just like the rest of the entire world, but you managed to understand: he was asking you if you were okay or if you needed something.

You felt like you were drowning, unable to reach the surface, surrounded by darkness. You wanted to scream and cry, but you couldn’t. You felt trapped by an invisible force, holding you tight and keeping you shut.

It was the sight of Chris that made you turn back to reality, and finally, the scream that was trapped in your throat came out from the core of your lungs.

“It’s okay, I got you,” Redfield said quickly as he held you before you fell to the ground. Your legs were shaking just like the rest of your body. “It’s okay”

“It was my fault, Chris.” Your voice was muffled by desperate chokes and sobs. “He’s in a coma, and it’s my fault”

“It’s not your fault, okay? It could’ve happened to you or him. Leon knows what he does, and I’m sure he did that to protect you" Chris tries his best to comfort you, although it seems impossible at the moment. He still holds you tight, for which you are very grateful, because you know you’ll fall if he lets you go.

Leon had no one in his life. You knew that the moment he told you about the ring. The “family” he had consisted of Chris and Claire, Jill, and Rebecca. You had no room for this. Leon made that pretty clear years ago, but now everything is different. You had to tell everyone what went wrong, how he got injured, and why it ended like that. You had to describe the entire mission, you had to remember everything. Now you were sitting again, with Claire holding your hand, while Jill and Chris were talking with Rebecca. Your eyes were locked on your hands, still stained with his blood. You were completely shocked, with no reaction or words.

“He’ll wake up, I know he will,” Claire whispers as a way to comfort you and give you kind words.

“He said he loves me,” you managed to say, although you doubted Claire would hear it. You wanted to hold onto something real, that would help you deal with what was happening.

“He always did, I’m glad he finally told you that,” Claire said, and you were a little surprised she heard you. More surprised to hear something you thought would never exist.

“But I don’t think that’s true. He always hated me.” You finally look at her, your eyes seeing something different from the dried blood in your hands.

“Do you think Leon is capable of hating you? He’s so in love with you, he can’t even hide it,” Claire said, and then she smiled largely while holding your hands.

But you find it hard to believe those words. Your mind was conflicted between what Claire was saying and what Leon said before he fainted. You wanted desperately to believe it, but deep down, you weren't sure. You finally received authorization to see him, with the benefit of being his “wife” and a government agent, but when you stepped inside his room, seeing all those loud machines around his body and a giant bandage on his ribs, his clothes were perfectly folded in the chair. His skin was pale and cold to the touch. He was almost lifeless, and seeing him like that made you sob again.

“I’m sorry… I never wanted to see you hurt,” you muttered, hoping he would hear it. You held his hand, praying he would wake up. “If you can hear me, then come back to us... I miss you fighting with me”

But there was nothing — not even a small squeeze on your hand. You were trying to convince yourself that he heard you and that he was coming back to you, and that was the lie you were desperately trying to believe. How silly you were. How desperate and pathetic you felt. It could be days, weeks, months, or years, how could you possibly predict when he would wake up? It was up to him.

“You won’t get rid of me that easily, Kennedy,” you said last, as a single tear fell from your eye. You wanted to be brave for him.

And as an answer, he squeezed your hand weakly.

Three months later.

“Goddammit, this hurts!” Leon groaned angrily at you when you tried to remove the bandage from his ribs to clean it.

“Stop moving, asshole,” you said back, glancing at him and then rolling your eyes. “Then it won’t hurt”

“You’re so fucking gentle,” he muttered, taking a deep breath. You waited until he stopped moving so you could change the bandage.

“Hey, I’m not the one with open wounds,” you teased him, then finished removing the bandage, being extra careful with the stitches on his skin.

“How does it look?” Leon asks with a soft voice. You noticed that he never actually looked at the wound.

“Terrible, but healing,” you smiled kindly at him, cleaning around the wound with the antiseptic and the wet cotton. You saw his skin chilling, and soft groans coming from his mouth.

Leon hated seeing his scars. He hated having them; he hated knowing what caused them, which was why he barely sees himself in the mirror; he avoids his own image. One month ago, Leon woke up from his coma, and although he was very confused, at first, due to his brain injury, he had no memories of the mission or what happened before he got hurt. Chris had to explain everything to him like he was a toddler learning how to communicate.

“So… that was it,” Chris tells him, after explaining why he was in a hospital bed with a huge wound on his ribs.

“Shit… I’m tired,” Leon muttered, closing his eyes for a moment and trying to relax his beaten-up body on the bed. “Two months?”

“Yep. You slept like a baby,” Chris chuckled, making fun of the situation to lighten up his mood.

“Where is…” Leon started, as it seems pretty obvious that you weren’t there with Chris.

“Oh…” The smile on Chris’s lips disappeared slowly, and he became more serious, sitting more appropriately on the chair. “Well, um…”

For some unknown reason, Leon was anxious. He didn’t know why, but he felt eager to know why you weren’t there with him; he was sure he heard you say you missed him fighting with you, but at this point, he wasn’t sure if it was a dream or reality. And the way Chris kept looking at him made his heart beat ten thousand times faster. When Chris was about to tell Leon about you, someone knocked on the door, and when the person came inside, Leon felt disappointed to see it was a nurse with his medication.

“Mr. Redfield, you’ll have to leave now. The visiting hour ended a few minutes ago, and the patient needs to rest,” the nurse says, leaving the tray with Leon’s medication on his bedside table. Leon sighed, glancing at the window, while he laid his head on his pillow to rest.

“Before I go… I want you to have this,” Chris said, getting closer to his bed with something in his hand. Leon glanced back, curious. When Chris opened his hand, Leon saw his mother’s ring, and he felt sad. “You know, she was here with you the entire time”

“Then why is she not here now?” Leon asks, holding the ring in his hand and avoiding Chris’s gaze.

“Give time to time,” Redfield said before leaving his room.

Leon hated being in the hospital with different wires connected to his body. Nurses checked on him constantly, asking a lot of questions, taking him through thousands of exams to see if he was doing better or worse, and doing physiotherapy. They said the brain injury had damaged his body, and, besides the wound on his ribs, Leon had broken his arm and would have a disability in walking and doing normal things. Of course, with the proper therapy, he would walk again and have a normal life, but he needed to cooperate.

Leon had already convinced himself you didn’t care, but on the third week after he woke up, he was taken into another exam. One hour later, when he came back to his room, he found you asleep on the chair, wrapped around your jumper, seeming tired to the bones. The nurse helped him lay back on his bed, and he remained silent, just watching you sleep. He wanted to keep every detail about you, even the small ones. Suddenly, you moved on the chair and woke up, yawning. Nothing he had rehearsed in his head prepared him for this moment.

He had given up on hope, he thought you would never see him again. Maybe you had found another partner, or maybe you had moved on with your life. Perhaps you just didn’t care about him. Maybe and more maybe…

"Hey,” you said, noticing he was too shocked to even pronounce a word. “How are you?”

“Fine, I guess,” he managed to say, and he wanted to punch himself because he sounded very rude. “That’s not what I meant…”

But, to his surprise, you just smiled. Chris told you about his amnesia, he told you that Leon wouldn’t be able to walk for a long time because of the damage to his brain from the injury. You were hoping he didn’t remember what happened before he fainted that day. It would be easier for both of you.

“I came here because Chris told me you woke up, I wasn’t in the country, so…” you said, feeling your cheeks blush a little. He nodded quietly, and the expression on his face told you he was sad. “I had to finish our last mission. Do you remember anything?”

“Not so much, everything is a little messed up, and every time I try to remember something, my head hurts,” he says, taking a deep breath and laying his head on the pillow again. “I remember me in front of your apartment telling you about our mission; I remember giving you my mother’s ring; and the fight we had at the airport… I remember a few things from the hotel we were at, but nothing more… Sometimes I have a few flashbacks. I remember getting hurt trying to get our comms back, breaking my arm, but..."

“It’s okay, don’t force yourself. You know you’ll remember eventually,” you said to him, trying to give some comfort. “You’re alive and recovering, that’s all that matters now, Leon”

“It sucks being here… I want to go home, but people keep telling me I’m better here and that medical bullshit,” he sighs, then he looks outside his window again.

“About that… I’m here to offer something,” you said to him, already thinking it would be a terrible idea.

“What would that be?” he asks you, raising both of his eyebrows in a slightly curious tone.

“Come live with me…” you simply said, shaking both of your shoulders like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Until you recover, of course”

At first, having him live with you proved to be a difficult task, mostly because Leon thought he was a burden and strongly avoided his appointments. In his head, he could treat himself alone, he could take care of his wounds and do the chores in the house. However, he could barely leave the bed, and he complained every time you tried to convince him to attend his appointments. Even Chris tried to coax him into getting out of the house, but Leon refused like a pampered kid. It was very difficult.

“You know I can’t do everything on my own, right?” you asked him after finishing changing and cleaning the wound on his rib.

“I know, but… I’m sorry,” he says with a deep sigh, looking at you with guilt. “I know I’m making this more difficult than it should be…”

“It’s not your fault, but I really need you to understand that sometimes even the toughest agent needs help. You can’t avoid medical care forever, Leon,” you said, looking straight into his eyes.

“I’m an asshole, right?” He managed to smile a little, then he looked at you. “I never thanked you for taking care of me”

“What can I say? You didn’t make things easier, either.” You smiled at him, looking into his blue eyes.

“I have something I need to tell you,” Leon whispers, then bites his lower lip and avoids your eyes.

“Shoot me”

“I… remember what happened… before the coma. I remember the mission,” he says, finally taking the courage to look into your eyes. You decided to stay calm, but not cold. “I was scared, I never thought I would almost die… but then you were there with me, and I felt at peace”

“Why did you give me your mother’s ring?” you decided to ask. You needed to understand.

“Because it was personal, I wanted you to have something personal from me… I knew one day I would come close to death trying to get your ass out of danger, and I thought you would feel better having something mine,” he explained, and then, everything made sense. He truly cared about you.

“You’re such a fucking idiot, Kennedy.” You smiled at him, then you laughed.

“Hey… what’s wrong? Are you okay?” you asked after knocking on his door. He glanced at you, his eyes swollen after crying for God knows how long.

This entire month that you took care of him was enough to learn how to read him. Before, he was pure mystery — the person who hated you the most. Now you know when he’s happy, angry, or uncomfortable. You know how to decipher him, read his face, and understand how he feels.

Leon still sleeps in the guest’s room, but sometimes you can hear him wince and cry, and sometimes you can hear him sobbing. You woke up to the sound of him crying and decided to finally ask. You had been wondering for weeks, thinking he wouldn’t talk about this subject. But you needed to try it, anyway.

“I… it’s nothing, I’m okay,” he said, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes.

“C’mon, you can talk to me. We’re friends now,” you say again, sitting on the edge of his bed and smiling.

“It’s just a silly nightmare…” Leon whispers softly, looking at his arm plaster. You had signed your name on it, followed by Chris, Claire, Jill, and Rebecca. “It’s Raccoon City. The same night over and over again”

“You were there? I’m surprised,” you said to him, and he smirked slightly.

“I was a rookie cop, late as hell on my first day. I had recently graduated from the Police Academy,” Leon explains, gazing at the ceiling, then at you again. “I survived that night, met Claire, saved Sherry… then, they forced me to work for them, and here I am”

“Forced? What do you mean?” You raised your eyebrows, confused.

“It was a deal I made to keep Sherry safe… I never told this to anyone,” Leon whispers, and you imagine how cruel it was for him to be forced to work all those years for the government. “How about you? How did you end up being an agent?”

“Before the government, I was in the army. Special Forces. I worked with Task 141 across the earth, until I decided to leave before things went to shit” you tell Leon, which makes him glance at you completely surprised. “I miss my buddies Price, Roach, Soap, and Ghost”

“It’s so weird to think how our lives were different… I was forced to join the government, you decided to do it for yourself…” Leon whispers, analyzing his own choices in life. “Now I can truly understand why you work the way you do…”

“I made a lot of bad choices, I’ll admit that. But after everything I did in the past… you actually get used to your own method of working,” you say to him, hugging your legs. “Maybe that’s why I do things the way I do. I like the adrenaline and danger that come with it”

“I’m sorry for calling you reckless,” Leon said after a brief moment of silence.

“That’s okay, trust me. I've heard worse things before,” you chuckled.

Leon seemed more calm, although his eyes were still red and swollen. You heard the first drops of rain hitting his window, and the noise of the lightning outside announced the rain. For a moment, there was only silence between the two of you.

“I hate this stupid arm plaster,” Leon suddenly says, and then you laugh.

“But there are our names signed on it. And I made a drawing when you were asleep” You showed him the drawing you made. It was a cat and a few flowers.

“Flowers? Really?” Leon frowned, glancing at you.

His last appointment provided good news. His ribs seemed to be healing, and soon he would be able to remove the arm plaster. After the appointment, you drove Leon to his physiotherapy session, and for the first time after he woke up from the coma, he finally decided to cooperate with himself. For some unknown reason, he wasn’t grumpy today.

“What? They’re cute!” you protested while laughing at his reaction. “But I’m serious, you need to sleep now. Tomorrow you have that physiotherapy session and an appointment”

“Well, if you keep doing home exercises, soon you’ll be fully recovered,” the doctor tells him, sitting in front of you two.

“Home exercises?” Leon asks, looking briefly at you, knowing you would definitely force him to do his exercises.

“Yes. It’ll help ease the pain and help with your mobility.” She nods, noting something on the paper. “And, most important, you can’t avoid your appointments, Mr. Kennedy”

“Yeah… I’ll keep coming,” he said, his entire face red as a tomato.

When you drove him back home, he certainly wasn’t expecting a surprise from your little family. Claire, Rebecca and Jill decorated your entire apartment, while Chris went to buy food and drinks. Because of the thousands of pills he was taking, Leon wasn’t allowed to drink any alcohol, which you gladly thanked him for. He was better sober than drunk.

The smile on his lips and the way his eyes were shining were more than he could put into words. You noticed that Claire even bought party letter decorations that were hanging from your ceiling, with the sentence ‘Happy Birthday, Leon’ in blue and yellow.

“Come on, you guys gotta be kidding me” he laughs with happiness, hugging everyone carefully.

“What? You really thought we would forget your birthday, golden boy?” you tease him, drinking soda and giving him one cup.

“This is… amazing” Leon seemed lost in his own words. “I don’t deserve you guys”

After singing him the birthday song, you guys celebrated his birthday with those blue birthday hats and a special cake the girls baked for him. Chris was talking to him, while you and Rebecca were chatting about types of coffee. Jill and Claire seemed to be very focused on their own conversation about TerraSave.

“Guys… I wanted to thank everyone. I know sometimes I’m a pain in the ass, but after everything that happened to me in the past three months, I have a lot to thank for… especially you.” Leon glances at you with shyness. “You took me into your home, took care of me, and had to hear every stupid joke I made, even my grumpy humor”

“That was the hard part, believe me,” you say, winking at him, which makes everyone laugh.

“I know. I was a jerk, and we had a lot of arguments with each other, but recently I found out that…” he paused for a moment, certainly thinking about what to say. “Life can be shitty sometimes, and bad things can happen to us… and this last mission made me see things I thought would never happen to me. I nearly died, but I got a second chance, and I don’t intend to waste it”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. Living with him for the past three months proved to be an interesting task. You knew him, and that was enough. Hours later, it was only you and him, sitting on your couch as the rain struck against the window. The fireplace gives off a warm temperature inside the living room, and, despite the silence, you two are more connected than before.

“I must say, there’s one thing I’m sure won't change,” Leon laughs, looking at his hands, after a long time of silence. “Being almost killed truly made me see things…”

“Such as?” You lifted your head to look at him.

“First, I actually never asked to be reassigned to another partner. I only told you that because I wanted to see how you would react” he said, looking at you. “And…”

“What's the second?” You laugh at his confession, mostly because you knew that a long time ago.

“The second is… I really hate the way that I love you”

[swimmingismywholelife]

Noel (No Faith)

Summary: You wanted more from John and he couldn't care less. So why then was he at your door on Christmas Eve?

Warnings: fwb-to-lovers!John, angst, SMUT, arguments, soft domJohn, unprotected sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy!), creampie, fingering, pussy licking, playing with nipples, missionary, honestly it's all very soft sex, HAPPY ENDING

WC: 3.8K

A/N: 🎶On the second day of Ficmas my writer gave to me, some angst and smut with dear old Johnny🎶 Hi my name is Janelle and I'm ashamed to say I love John Stones 🫣. The song that inspired this fic is "Noel (No Faith)" by 7 Minutes in Heaven! This is one of, if not, my favorite Christmas song bc it's just so good and I really think you should give it a listen. And this is I think my longest fic to date so I hope you all enjoy!

Link to the Song: Noel (No Faith)

"Noel, Noel, I wish that you would come home for Christmas (for Christmas)

Don't make me wait another year

Noel, Noel, I can't be left alone

You can unwrap the truth, my dear

You're all I want for Christmas this year."

~~~

You sighed with content as you finished putting up the last of the lights on the Christmas tree. You took a step back and smiled, proud of your work. You'd spent the weekend decorating your house, trying to cope with the homesickness of your first Christmas in Manchester away from your family. The star was centered perfectly on the top of the tree, stockings hung on your fireplace (mostly for decoration), and even though it was already Christmas Eve, you were happy to see everything come together. Now you truly felt ready for Christmas.

Well, almost.

Christmas was usually your favorite time of year. But this would be the first year you would be spending it alone. And the first year spending it along with a broken heart. You still replayed the scene in your head every night since it happened. Since the night John Stones left your heart in pieces.

"I don't know why you're mad," John scoffed, rolling out of your bed. "We had an agreement."

"I mean, yeah we did," you said quietly, sitting up.

"So then what's the problem?" he asked, beginning to redress himself.

"The problem, John, is that you treat me more than this agreement was originally supposed to be!" you said exasperated. "You act jealous when I'm around other guys, you basically live with me at this point, you call me even if nothing special is going on just because you wanna hear my voice. What am I supposed to think about that?"

John pinched the bridge of his nose huffing. "Listen, things were outlined pretty clearly when we first started this. You didn't seem to have an issue then, nor last night when you were screaming my name."

"You're full of shit, John, you know that?" you said as tears began forming in the corners of your eyes. "Things can change and feelings can change. And I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I didn't intend to! It just happened and I'm being honest. You've known how I felt and you did nothing but treat me like you wanted it to!"

John sharply turned to face you. "I've been clear from the beginning that I wasn't looking to commit. I wanted some fun and that's what we got and that's all it's gonna be."

"So all of our little outings alone? All of the nights where we poured our hearts out to each other? Inviting me to all your games so I could proudly wear you jersey? That all meant nothing you to you?" you asked.

"Look, if you wanna stop just say so and be done with it," he said.

A tear fell from your eyes.

"I guess that's it then," you said quietly.

Despite the fact that this happened months ago, you couldn't find it in you to move on. John made you feel so special, so different. You knew what the boundaries were when you agreed to be friends with benefits, but you couldn't help but fall in love with him. Every day that went by, you only missed John more.

Still, John didn't have to be such a dick about the whole thing. He was the one you led you on and left that night, not once looking back. It wasn't like you ended with solely unrequited love and he let you down gently. He made you feel like shit for catching feelings, like you didn't matter to him. You felt used and it felt disgusting.

So why did you find yourself missing him more than ever? Why were you holding out hope for him? Why were you still keeping your faith in him when he had no faith in you?

"Please come home," you whispered, looking at the star on top of your tree illuminating the room. You knew your wish was futile, but maybe this year would be your year for a Christmas miracle.

As you turned back upstairs, a knocking on the door stopped you in your tracks. You cocked your head in confusion. It was Christmas Eve and everyone you knew was spending Christmas with their families. You weren't expecting anyone to come visit. You were even more confused when you opened the door to find the very man you'd been wanting to see.

"John?" you said puzzled.

"I know it's Christmas Eve and we haven't spoken in weeks, but I just really needed to talk to you. Is that okay?" he asked, the words rapidly leaving his mouth as his body shook from the cold.

"I-" You hesitated. "I'm not really sure if that's a good idea."

"Please? I just need you to know and if after that you never wanna see me again, then I'll leave you alone," he replied desperately.

Letting the spirit of Christmas overpower your overwhelming urge to kick him in the face and leave him in the cold, you opened your door wider to let him in. John quickly stepped into the warmth of your home, rubbing his hands together.

"Let me start up the kettle for some tea. You wait on the couch and I'll grab you a blanket too," you said, gesturing to the living room he was more than familiar with.

"Thank you, Y/N," he said gratefully.

You took a deep breath as you made your way into the kitchen. "Dude, I know I said I wanted a Christmas miracle, but I wasn't emotionally prepared for this," you muttered to yourself as you filled the kettle with water. Once the stove was on, you grabbed a blanket from your closet for the man sitting in your living room.

"Here," you said, handing it to him.

"You remembered," he said quietly. You almost asked what he was talking about when you saw the familiar checkered pattern on the blanket. You grabbed the first one you saw, not realizing you'd instinctually grabbed John's favorite blanket.

"Truthfully, that was an accident," you said, trying to lighten up the mood. It didn't really work as the air grew awkward and thick, neither of you really knowing what to say.

"Um, I'll be right back and get your tea," you said awkwardly, quickly getting up.

You took your time, trying to mentally prepare yourself for the conversation. Why was he here? What did he want? Why Christmas Eve? So many questions rolled into your mind as you made his tea just the way he liked.

You came back and handed him the mug, John muttering a thanks before sipping on the tea.

"John, why are you here?" you asked exasperated, finally breaking the silence.

"I…" John sighed. "I wanted to talk."

You crossed your arms. "Well, you're here now. So talk."

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the tops of his thighs, setting the mug on the table. "I know that I fucked up, really fucked up. And I left you hanging after leading you on for so long." He turned to look at you. "And I just wanted to say I'm sorry for ever treating you so horribly. You've never deserved it and you were right, you can't help how you feel about someone."

"Thank you," you said.

"I thought I'd be fine after walking out that day," he continued. "To me, it really was just a thing that we did and nothing more. But days turned into weeks turned into months and something was wrong. It didn't matter who I tried to get with. I just couldn't do it. Every single girl just reminded me of you. At first, I didn't really I was comparing everyone to you until one day when it hit me. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and how you make me feel."

"And how do I make you feel, John?" you asked, curling your legs underneath you.

"Alive. You give me that drive and passion to do what I love, to be a better man. I miss the way you pretended to be asleep just so I would kiss you awake. I miss the way you play with my hair after a long day at practice or a late night game. I miss the way you felt in my arms. I miss the way your eyes light up at the sight of the stupid festive cups at coffee shops. I miss how I didn't have to fear who I was or who I wanted to be because you always brought out the best in me. God, I just miss you so much and I can't believe how stupid I was for not seeing it until you were long gone," he said on the verge of tears.

Neither of you said anything for a while after his confession. The tension only grew thicker as John anticipated your reaction, mentally preparing himself for the worst.

"You still hurt me, John," you replied after a while. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you did that day. How you left me feeling used and stupid and dumb. I thought you and I were on the same page and I couldn't have been further from the truth."

John gently took both of your hands in his. You allowed him to gently lace his fingers through yours, shivers running down your spine as he thumbs stroked your hand.

"I know," he said. "I know, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took you for granted. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you while I had you. But if you give me a chance, I swear to you I'll make it up to you and show you how much you mean to me."

"John…." you trailed off. "I don’t know. I don't know how I can trust you again after what you did."

He tightened his grip on your hand. "You don't have to give me an answer today. You don't even have to give me an answer for the rest of the year. I'll wait as long as you need. Even if you decide no, I'll still be waiting here for you."

"Johnny, I don't want you to be waiting for me," you said softly. "That wouldn't be fair on you."

He shook his head. "No, Y/N, I'm the one who hasn't been fair to you at all. Waiting is the least I can do for you."

A silence fell, the two of you lost in your own thoughts. John was wondering if he'd been too late to fix things, if his chance was gone. Meanwhile, you were thinking if he even deserved another chance. It had taken you months to even fathom getting over him. Was this a test to see if you truly belonged together? Or was this a red flag that was being blatantly waved in front of you?

All the while, you never thought to release your hand from John's. It felt right for your hand to be there. While your head was in turmoil, it was also the calmest it had been since the day he left.

"Why did you come here tonight?" you asked, breaking the silence. "Why tonight specifically? Why didn't you come earlier or later in the year?"

"Because I know how much Christmas means to you," he replied. "I knew I was risking ruining your holiday, but I wanted to show you that I'm serious about this, more serious than anything I've ever done in my life."

"Will you stay?" you asked him with hopeful eyes, still being unsure of your feelings but not quite wanting him to leave.

"Baby, I'll stay as long as you want me here," John said, looking into your eyes. His hands moved from yours to cup your cheeks. "Would you like me to stay?"

You nodded. "You can stay in the guest room for the night so we can have some space. I'll grab you more blankets."

Too quickly for your liking, you pulled away, his hands lingering on your face just a little bit longer. While you wanted him next to you, it probably wasn't the best idea all things considered. You grabbed some spare blankets, alongside some spare clothes of his you couldn't bare to part with, handing them to him.

"I'm really surprised you still have these," John said.

You shrugged. "I still have everything you gave me quite frankly."

John's heart stopped for a moment. Maybe there was still a chance for you to have faith in him again.

"If you need me, just knock on my door, okay?" you said, leaning against the doorframe.

"I will. Good night, Y/N," he answered.

"Good night, John," you said softly.

You quickly got ready for bed, turning the light off in your room. You made yourself comfortable underneath the warmth of the blankets, but you still felt cold. How could you sleep properly knowing John was next door? Knowing that he wanted you back? You tossed and turned for a few hours, but you knew you wouldn't be getting any sleep that night, especially because you just wanted to be in the comfort of his arms.

You got out of bed to get some water, wanting to walk a bit to clear your head. You opened your door to come face to face with John, whose hand was raised indicating that he was about to knock on your door. You nearly screamed before you realized who he was.

"Jesus Christ, John! You scared the shit out of me," you said panting, putting your hand on your chest.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"That's okay, I only just lost a few years off my life," you joked. "But is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just couldn't really sleep," he answered, "and honestly I just really wanted to see you."

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, not really knowing what to say. You got lost in his eyes, that feeling you've always had with him returning.

Acting purely on instinct, both of you reached for each other, lips smashing desperately against each other. You felt like you could breathe again despite how hard the two of you were kissing. It just felt right that he was there with you. It felt right how his body was perfectly molded to yours.

John closed to door behind you, gently pushing you against it. His kisses were passionate yet still soft and gently, almost like he was afraid to hurt you. His hands were firmly around your waist as yours were around his neck, your fingers running through his hair.

"Jump," he whispered against you.

You obliged, wrapping your legs around him. He walked you to your bed, gently placing you on it as he climbed on top, your lips not parting once. He pulled away only to remove both of your shirts before returning to kiss you. His hands moved to your tits, gently squeezing them. You let out a breathy moan of his name.

"I missed his so much," he said just as breathlessly. "I missed your pretty little moans, baby." He squeezed a little harder, making your moans grow louder. "That's it, Let me hear you, Y/N."

His kisses started trailing down your jaw to your neck, his teeth nipping the skin. Little red marks were left in his wake until his mouth hovered over your nipple. He gently blew on it before taking it into his mouth, making a loud moan leave your body.

"You like that, baby?" John asked.

"Yes, John," you answered, your body squirming underneath him. "I love it so much."

John switched sides, your hands guiding his head there. He sucked harder, causing your hips to roll against his, groaning when your clothed cunt made contact with the bulge under his pants. His lips trailed down once again until he hit the band of the sweatpants you were wearing, noting that technically, they were his.

"Can I take this off, Y/N?" he asked, looking up at you.

You nodded your head frantically. "Yes, please take them off, please."

His hands grabbed the band and pulled down, moaning when he realized you weren't wearing any underwear.

"No underwear, baby? Are you trying to kill me?" he growled.

"It's comfortable, okay?" you squeaked out. "You know I've always preferred it that way."

John licked his lips as he laid his eyes on your pussy, the folds glistening with your wetness.

"Can I-" he started, but you cut him off.

"Yes, yes please!" you said desperately. "I need to feel your mouth on my pussy, John!"

He chuckled before licking your pussy, making you moan, your hands flying to grab his curls. John took his time licking from the bottom all the way to your clit. He repeated this motion several times, loving the way you tugged on him in desperation.

"Fuck!" you screamed when his lips sucked on your clit, your hips bucking into his face. "Fuck just like that!"

He sucked harder as one of his fingers teased your entrance. Your chest was up and down rapidly as your heartbeat quickened. You moaned loudly when his finger entered you, immediately hitting your g spot. He wasn't moving fast, but he was pressing deep into your pussy, making everything more intense.

"That feels so good," you said, "please don't stop. So good."

You hadn't slept with anyone since John. You couldn't possible bring yourself to. The only pleasure you'd gotten was from yourself, meaning your body more sensitive than usual. You felt your release coming fast.

"John, I think I'm gonna cum," you moaned out. In response, John picked up the pace, adding another finger. "I'm right there, baby, I just need a little bit more." John shook his head back and forth as he finger fucked you hard and fast. You screamed out, pulling his head further into your pussy as your release hit you. Your back arched against the bed, John taking one of the hands from behind his head to lace them together. You squeezed his hand as a wave of cum flooded his mouth, John happily licking all of it up.

You brought his face back up to your lips, needing to feel them against yours once again. You moaned slightly at the taste of yourself, John's hand gently cupping your cheek to kiss you deeper. He quickly took his bottoms off guiding his cock to your entrance. He tapped the head against your clit and your hips rolled.

"Is this okay?" John asked. "Are you sure you want this?"

You nodded desperately. "Please John, I need to feel you. Please."

He ran his cock through your folds before slowly pushing in, his body leaning over yours. You almost screamed at the way he was stretching your pussy.

"Fuck, baby, you're so tight," he hissed out. "When's the last time this pussy was touched by someone other than yourself?"

"Not since the day you left," you answered meekly. John's dick got even harder inside you.

"Yeah? This pussy is mine right baby?" he asked, bottoming out and stilling his hips.

"Mhm, all yours," you whined out, your body unable to stay still as he filled you.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking deep into your eyes. "Do you need a minute?"

"Mhm," you answered. "I'm okay. Are you okay?"

"I'm more than okay, baby," he answered as he stroked your hair lightly, making your heart swell.

"John?" you asked.

"Yeah?"

"Give it to me please," you whispered. "I need it please!"

"I got you, baby," he said, kissing your forehead.

John moved his hips keeping a slow but deep pace. Your legs wrapped around him, needing to feel him pressed against you as you kissed him. John normally had you screaming at the top of your lungs, but this was different. This felt different. Nothing more was needed but breathy moans into each other's mouths, John really only picking up the pace slightly.

"It feels so good, Johnny," you moaned breathlessly. "So fucking good."

"Yeah? Feels good baby, doesn't it?" he asked. You nodded, eyes rolling back. "This pussy was made for me."

"Mhm. So big," you babbled. "Fucks me so good."

"You're taking it so well," he praised softly. "You look so fucking beautiful when you take my cock like this. Like you were meant to be here with me."

Tears started to form in your eyes, making John still.

"Baby, don't cry," he said worriedly. He wiped away the tears that were falling. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'll stop if you want me to."

You shook your head. "No, don't stop. I've just wanted you to say those words to me. Please keep going."

"Are you sure? We don't have to keep going if you wanna stop," he said unsure.

"Johnny, please," you begged. "I want this. I want you. I don't want anything but you."

"Me too, baby," John replied as he moved his hips, keeping the same deep pace as before. "And I'm sorry it took me this long to realize it." He brought his hands to yours, pressing you into the bed as your fingers intertwined. "Do you hear me? I love you, Y/N. So. Fucking. Much," he said, thrusting as hard as he could to emphasize his words. "And I'm never fucking letting you go again."

"I love you too," you moaned. "I really do."

"I'm close," he said, rubbing your clit.

"Fuck, me too," you said.

"Cum with me, baby. That's it. Cum for me."

You back arched as you had the most intense orgasm of your life, squeezing John's hands as you let out a loud moan. John groaned at the feeling of your pussy clenching around him, triggering his own release. He came deep inside you, gently thrusting to get every last bit of his cum in you.

You both laid there panting for a moment staring into each others eyes, foreheads resting against one another.

"I think that's the hardest I ever came," he chuckled. "I don't think I've ever cum that much before."

"It felt really good," you admitted, "to be filled up like that."

"I love you, Y/N," he said again.

"I love you too, John."

John rolled off of you, getting up to grab a towel to clean you up. He gently ran it over your body, not wanting to hurt you. He cleaned himself before tossing the towel into the laundry and climbing back into bed.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered to himself in awe of you.

"Will you stay?" you asked.

"Always," he replied.

John looked over at the clock to see it was past midnight.

"Merry Christmas, baby," he said. "Thank you for being the best present I could've ever had."

"Merry Christmas, Johnny. Thank you for coming home," you said, your eyes fluttering shut.

"I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but with you."

John held you tight that night and every night after that. And you were glad you kept your faith in him. For John Stones was your Christmas miracle and that was all you needed.

Taglist: @thoseboysinblue @neverinadream @chilwellspulisic @lizzypotter14 @pulisicsgirl @lovelynikol16 @notsoattractivearenti @nyctophilic0vitnir @shadowscorch

[astrohive]

I would really like to see tfp knockout join the autobots a bit earlier and not just after the war was over basically.

•Imagine him being in the base with a human reader who even though they seem reserved when they think no one is watching in the base one day you just put on the most ✨slutcore✨playlist there is(bcs we all know they were made for the quiet kids) and you are dancing to it quite well.

•Knockout secretly loves all these songs bcs they were exposed to them while searching for any autobot activity or sights of ancient relics in human software and loves your energy.

•While you are cluelessly dancing he goes like "Sweet Solus ,who would think that such a quiet fleshy hides such a diva inside."You are obviously embarrassed and frightened to death.

•After that even though he doesn't want to admit it he takes an interest in you.

•When he has finally gained the trust of optimus,the prime proposes for him to be paired with a human to adapt to the whole "hiding amongst humans" thing he goes "Oh fine,if you are going to pair me with a damn fleshy pair me with the one that at least knows how to have fun."

•You dont like being called fleshy but you appreciate the fact that he likes your taste in music.So you two get to know each other better.

•The first day he picks you up from school/university/job or whatever nearly the same songs you were listening to.You think he does this to tease you,but he just also likes them like previously said.

•Eventually you get to know each other and he quite likes you and the time you two spend together.Especially once you also open up to him.

•Despite your quiet nature you have quite smart remarks about human nature/culture and you tend to be really honest about human behaviour,without excluding yourself-trying to make yourself look better just because of those remarks.

•He really appreciates your honesty about the human species,your observations on cybertronian species and yourself.

•It turns out that you are not quiet because you are shy.You are actually quiet because you have very dark humour (or difficult to understand) and people dont like it most times.

{because they perceive you as insensitive and just feel uncomfortable around you and avoid you because they cant really figure you out.}

•Like one day during your conversation you slip a very dark comment accidentally and while you except to be met with eyes of judgement you are met with a loud wheeze and laughter for a solid five minutes.

•The poor bot is on his knees from laughter.

•If he is driving he has to pull on the side of the road to avoid accidents.

•After that incident your bond really gets stronger.

•He tries to help you to not care about what others think of you and just be comfortable and confident in yourself.

•You also help him when he needs reassurance /he has trouble adapting to his new lifestyle and gets in trouble with the autobots for it.Even when he misses breakdown you are there for him.

•You are the only person he does the activities he would with breakdown and its a big step for him because he doesnt want to feel like he is replacing him.

Favorite activities together:

•You like helping him with his paintjob and even help him find new ideas that make him look more gorgeous.If you have an artistic side he might even let you make a design on him yourself(And he looves it).

•You might even have a whole Pinterest board for inspiration.

•If you are into fashion he also tries to help you upgrade your style/skincare ect...He has great ideas and he also does a lot of research in secret.If you were gorgeous before,wait until you see after...

•Even if you are not into fashion (or dont know much) he tries to help you out .

•If you refuse he respects your decision but will always playfully tease you for it.

•He secretly still goes to illegal races,wich you always knew and never told anyone and eventually he takes you with him.

•You watch trashy american shows together.(arcee,ratchet and fowler are secretly also watching in the back)

•You love listening to music together while he is on patrol with you.

•He takes you to concerts around the world or to buy clothes/skincare products/home decorations.

•If holoforms are available and he decides to use it thats where the real fun begins.

•Once he gets used to the whole "fleshing" thing you do fun human activities shopping together,brunches,going to bars and clubs together,sleepovers ect.(He really loves his holoform)

•Only appropriate greeting :"Hi gorgeous"

[mbakuetshurisprincess]

Love for Duty’s Sake Part 5

AN: Hello loves! Wow when I tell y’all I was FIGHTING in the editing room with this fic because I couldn’t tell if I should split this in half or not. I ended up just keeping it as one because I felt bad for ignoring democracy (sorry lyric) and posting Anything But Love P2 before I posted this one. A couple of fun facts about this fic because I literally have nowhere else to put them lmfao. In the convo with Griot, the reason Y/N’s argument works on him is because it follows a valid rule within arguments/logic called Hypothetical Syllogism. Basically, If A leads to B and B leads to C then you can correctly assume that A should also lead to C. Google it if you’re interested! Also, in writing Shuri’s interactions (esp the “in my wife's name” parts) it's like very heavily inspired by the way Dracula talks about Lisa Tepes in the Castlevania show!! 

Holy fuck don’t know how I could ever forget this. As always, any of my fake dating stuff is dedicated to the lovely @pinkwright. This is my writer bae y’all have no idea, L4DS and ABL posts are always made with them in mind. 

Summary: As the only daughter of Genelia, there were things you just had to do, and marrying the Queen of Wakanda was one of those things.

Pairing: Shuri x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cussing, violence, brief mentions of bad relationships with parents that’s it I think.

Word count: 6,213 (you see why I was thinking about splitting it up now??)

Part 1.  Part 2.  Part 3.  Part 4.  Masterlist.  Taglist.

Suggested listening: Glock Six (Bonus) - 6LACK 

“No need to state the obvi', I be close to your heart I know you looking for real love I got my hand on my Glock, posted on the block I might just let off a shot, at anyone tryin' to kill her”

The feeling of your body sliding off of your wife and onto the hospital pillow below you was the first hint that something was off. You knew Shuri didn’t mean to be so rough with you, even if you hadn’t been injured. She just hopped off of the bed quicker than her mind could remember that you were laying back on her. Only when you grimaced slightly did Shuri think enough to look back at you. 

“Ndicela uxolo sthandwa sam (I’m sorry my love).” She muttered to you softly, scanning your body just long enough to ensure that you weren’t really hurt before turning her attention to Aneka. “When was this posted?” 

“Ten minutes ago.” 

Shuri took a deep inhale, rereading the post. “How did she even know about the shooting to post?” 

The question was impossible for Aneka to answer, knowing something like that wasn’t necessarily in her job description. You, however? You were used to political moves like this. “She knows because the shooting happened in her city Shuri.” 

“What?” Shuri turned to face you.

“I’m just saying, if something goes down in the Golden City, you’re made aware right? The same thing goes for DC. Especially on a day like today, foreign powers come into town. I’m sure she was all over it.” As you spoke, wheels started turning in your head, the scenario surrounding the events of your shooting. Everything was almost too perfect like it had been orchestrated. 

“Listen to what you just said Y/N, I’m notified when something happens in the Golden City, not you. So why would she be the one posting about this instead of the President?” Shuri’s tone was harsher than you would have liked, posing the question to you as if you were a child misunderstanding basic math. 

You sat up in your bed. “Because President Carter isn’t leading the show, Mallory is.” 

“Why would you say that?” 

“Because I know it’s true.” You folded your arms across your chest, starting to get annoyed at Shuri’s refusal to see what was clearly right in front of her. “Do you not trust me?” 

The question was loaded and the Queen’s response came instinctually, “The question is not if I trust you, we are married of course I trust you. But you make it increasingly harder to trust you when you put forth ideas like that.” Shuri mimicked your position, crossing her arms over herself. 

Her response stung and the look on your face made Shuri regret saying it immediately. “I did not mean-” 

You cut Shuri off, not wanting to hear what she had to say. “Nope. You said it. What do I know anyway? Not like I come from a family of politicians who would make this exact same move given the chance.” You turned your attention from where Shuri and Aneka stood back to the tv, effectively disengaging from the conversation. 

Warning signals were going off in Shuri’s head and she knew she fucked up. Taking one more look at the screen she made her way back over to your bed. Kneeling next to you and taking your hand in hers. “I am sorry, sthandwa sam. (my love) I didn't mean to brush off your idea like that.  Your attention still faced forward but the Queen could feel the race in your heart rate when her thumb traced over the lines of your knuckles. 

The silent treatment you were giving Shuri was frustrating her, if she had just slowed down as Okoye said, she would've thought about what she was saying before she said it. “I promise I will make it up to you-”

The buzz of Shuri’s kimoyo beads pulled her attention away from you and her apology. 

Speak of the devil and she shall appear.

It was a message from Okoye letting her know that they had all made it back safely to Wakanda and that Liam Drockers was in the lower-level interrogation rooms. Aneka must’ve gotten a similar message from Ayo because when she made eye contact with Shuri, she gave her a knowing nod as she left the room. 

“I will make this up to you… when I am free again.” The end of the sentence tumbled slowly out of Shuri’s mouth, knowing it was going to garner a reaction from you. 

“What?” Instead of your voice sounding angry like the Queen had expected, it almost sounded more hurt or scared. This new tone pulled at Shuri’s heartstrings. “You’re leaving?” 

While yes, you were literally just ignoring Shuri ten seconds ago, you hadn’t expected her to just up and leave like that. Especially given how physically close you two had spent the last hour, part of you had grown attached to her in a way you never imagined possible. Addicted to the safe feeling that only seemed to come when you were in her arms. 

“I have some council business I have to take care of.” Her rubbing of your hands still hadn’t stopped, tracing every detail of your knuckles. 

You looked at her now, teeth biting at your bottom lip. “What do you have that’s so important?” 

“Just some time-sensitive stuff I need to handle. It should be quick, I don’t imagine it will be long.” Her eyes were averted, so you had no read on what possible clues they could be conveying. Something about this bothered you, normally she was so demanding of your eye contact and now she wasn’t even looking up. But you knew Shuri, whatever this was she wasn’t going to give up easily. You needed something to garner her attention first before you asked her what you needed to know. 

“I think I’m gonna call home.” Shuri’s eyes instantly flashed up to yours.

“Really?”

“I think so, I don’t want my family worrying about me, you know? I don’t want them thinking I’m dead or anything. Now that Mallory has so kindly let the world know about this.” 

Shuri hummed in response, debating asking the question at the forefront of her mind. “I thought- I mean, I didn’t know you had a way of contacting them.” 

This made you feel a little bit guilty since you had made it seem like you’d given Genelia up for good. “It's a direct line to my father's advisor, only for emergency purposes.” Your eyes flickered around her face. “I’ve never used it, I didn’t think I’d have to.” 

Shuri felt assured in hearing this, the slight worry that had slipped into her mind about you secretly planning to leave her dissipated. “Oh, okay.” She savored these last few minutes of her hand tracing yours, knowing that soon those same hands who held yours so delicately would be used in the complete opposite manner. 

“Shuri?” The way you called her name was soft, the same way you had in the restaurant before all of this had happened. It made her feel warm inside, lowering her guard just as you intended. 

Her response once again was just a hum, her eyes studying every detail of your face the way her hands did yours. 

“You wouldn’t lie to me right?” Your question caught her off guard but her rubbing never stopped. 

“Kakade hayi, sithandwa sam. (Of course, not my love)” Her eyes conveyed no sign of lying so you continued. 

“So it’s really council business that's so pressing you have to take care of it right now? Not anything to do with me?” You asked the question confidently, not taking your eyes off Shuri, searching for a tell. Anyone else would have missed it but you didn’t, the brief second when Shuri’s movements faltered. When her hand stopped rubbing yours. 

“Yes.” 

“Yes, what?” 

She stood up now, letting go of your hand. Being at eye level with you was too much right now, it felt too connected given the fact that she was literally lying to your face. “Yes, it’s council business like I told you before. Very time sensitive.” Before you could respond she spoke again. “Aneka!” 

The Dora appeared in the door frame with lightning speed, “Yes, ngangamsha (your majesty)?” 

“Guard Y/N’s side of the ward while I deal with this business, make sure no harm comes to her.” Shuri’s words were confident and her arms now crossed her chest signifying her demeanor change. 

“Shuri, I don't need a babysitter, I’m fine.” You protested. “Plus Aneka has yet to see Ayo, let them see each other.” 

“I am fine, my Queen. Thank you for your kindness but ensuring your safety is more important.” Aneka responded quickly, earning a nod of agreement from Shuri. 

Your wife looked down at her kimoyo beads. “I’ll be back in an hour, mfazi (wife).” Placing a kiss on your forehead, she looked down at you one more time before she left. “No trouble while I’m gone?” 

“I’ll try my hardest.” You replied as she walked out of the room, Aneka behind her taking her spot guarding your room. 

This left you alone with your thoughts and while a million things were running around your mind there were two prominent thoughts. One being, your wife was lying to you. 

You couldn't be a hundred percent sure about exactly what she was lying about but you knew it had something to do with you. While you wanted to snoop around and try and figure it out, the second of the thoughts found its way to the forefront of your mind. Having to call you family. 

Looking around you found your physical phone, the one that Shuri still referred to as ‘primitive technology’. Scrolling until you found the contact you didn’t think you’d ever have to press. Saying a prayer you pressed call and hoped for the best. 

The line rang only one time before the person picked up. “This isn’t some sick joke, you’re really calling me?” 

“Marcos, I told you I’d only call you in an emergency. I wouldn't play a joke like this.” 

You could hear him recite a prayer on the other end of the line. “Everyones worried sick about you Y/N, I mean your parents think you’re…” His voice trailed off and it made your heart hurt thinking about the stress this whole situation inadvertently caused your family. 

“I know, I know, that’s why I called. Can you just tell them that I’m alright? It’s nothing to worry about and I’ll be fine?” 

Marcos contemplated your words, “Y/N, your father will kill me if he finds out I spoke to you without giving him the opportunity.” 

The sound of movement from the other end of the line had you concerned. “Marcos wait, you know I don’t want to speak to them.” It was a useless plea and you knew it. As much as Marcos cared about you like you were his own daughter and wished to protect you as such. At the end of the day, he worked for your father. 

“I’m sorry mon papillon (my butterfly)” The term of endearment did little to quell the feeling of betrayal as Marcos moved to give the phone to your father. 

“Whoever it is Marcos, tell them they will need to call later, I am grieving my daughter.” 

“It is about Y/N, sir.”

Your father looked between his advisor and the phone before picking it up. 

“Yes?” This was the first time you had heard your father's voice in years. It had become too painful to go back and watch old home videos from before Yara’s death so part of you wondered if you’d forgotten what he sounded like. But as soon as his deep voice bellowed through the phone, you remembered. 

“Dad? It’s me.” You were scared to speak the words at first, questioning how he would react. 

“Y/N, is that you? Oh my god! Josiah, get your mother from the chapel, our baby is alive!” The outcry from your father made your heart hurt, had he been that concerned?

“Dad-” You tried to speak but his rambling cut you off. 

“When we saw the news honey we were so worried about you, I thought you had died. But you didn’t! God brought you back!”

“Dad-”

 “He’s bringing you back home to us!” He ended his rejoicing when you finally spoke up. 

“Babba! What are you talking about?” Your pain medication must have been making you delirious and mishear things. 

“What do you mean Y/N, this is a sign! You were almost taken from Genelia, from us. We need to come together and give thanks that you’re still with us.” Your father's words were confusing you, why was he saying that you were taken from them as if they weren't the same ones to send you away? 

“I’m not coming home Dad, I was just calling to let everyone know I was okay-”

“Nonsense!” Your mother spoke now, you weren't aware when she arrived in the room. “You must come home, we miss you. This was a wake-up call, don’t you think?” 

You paused now and took a deep breath. What they were asking was encroaching on a boundary you had set the day you left Genelia. To never come back. “I just, I don’t think it’s a good idea guys.”

It was now your parent's turn to pause while they thought about what they could say to change your mind. But it wasn’t them that spoke, instead it was a different voice. One that clearly held the tonal characteristics of a man but was still slightly squeaky signifying they hadn’t fully finished maturing. 

“So you’re just never gonna come back? Is that it then?” If it wasn’t for your father's words earlier you wouldn’t have even been able to guess who it was. But of course, it was your little shadow who spoke up now. Josiah. 

“Siah-”

“No, you don’t get to call me that anymore. My sister, who loved me and didn’t just get up and abandon her family for a fancy new life in France, called me that. I don’t know who you are.” 

Josiah’s words cut through you like the sharpest blade known to man, cutting deeper than any slick comment from Shuri. Is that really what he thought happened? That you left your family behind to go chase your dreams in a foreign country? 

You didn’t care about your parents, quite frankly fuck them. Any emotional ties you felt towards them had long left you, so saying no to them while it was hard; it didn’t hurt. Saying no to Josiah though? Hearing the disappointment in his voice? He didn’t deserve this. To be caught in the crosshairs of the relationship between you and your parents. 

“Fine!” 

“Fine?” Your mother and father's voice asked in unison. 

“Fine, I will come back to Genelia to visit.” 

“Tomorrow?” Josiah’s voice questioned.

“Tomorrow? Siah I just got shot.” You tried to reason with your brother, and while you didn’t feel any of the effects of the shooting at this exact moment you still didn’t know if traveling so soon would be wise. Plus you still needed to explain this all to Shuri. 

“You’re married to the smartest woman in the world and live in the most technologically advanced country. I’m sure they can figure something out.” Josiah left no room for argument in his sentence. 

“Fine Siah, I will come to Genelia for a few days, flying in tomorrow. Happy?” You didn’t even understand why you were agreeing to this. 

“Not in the slightest, I have no idea who you are anymore. I did that for Mom and Dad.” 

That hurt more than Josiah knew. You tried to tell yourself that he didn’t mean it, but something in you couldn't believe it. 

“Okay well, I’ve got to go. I’ll um talk to Marcos about arrival times and everything.” You needed this phone call done, the gravity of what you had just agreed to started to weigh on you. 

“Parfait! We can’t wait to see you soon Y/N. We love you!” You could hear the smile in your father's voice and felt guilt not only that you didn’t feel the same happiness but that you couldn’t reciprocate his “I love you” truthfully.  

“Yeah I um, I’ll see you guys soon.” With that you ended the call, throwing your head back against the pillow. 

As you sat in silence you digested what had just happened.

1. You called Marcos, just to let him know that you were alive. 

2. You ended up on a phone call with your parents, speaking to them for the first time in years. 

3. After declining to come to Genelia, you were guilt-tripped into returning by your little brother. Not because he wanted to see you but because he knew his parents wanted to.

All of this made your head reel and you longed for the peace and comfort that your wife provided. But she wasn’t here with you, her wife who had just been shot. Instead, she was dealing with council business.

“Griot.” 

“Ah your majesty, I am glad you are in good health again. What can I do for you?” 

You paused wondering if Griot was even able to give you this information. “Where is Shuri right now?” 

“Shuri has programmed me to not disclose her location to anyone unless it is an emergency, I am sorry your majesty.” 

Of course Shuri had done so, always wanting to keep tabs on everyone but not thinking anyone else needed to keep them on her. You wanted to give up before an idea popped into your head. “Griot, Shuri programmed me into your system as a Queen, correct?” 

“Yes your majesty, she has programmed you with the same clearance as she has.” 

Jackpot. 

“And Shuri has access to her location status I would assume?” 

“Yes, your majesty.” 

“Great, so she has access to her location status, and I have the same clearance level as her/  You can give me her location.” Your reasoning was solid, creating a logical path that the AI could follow. 

“Yes, your majesty, that does appear to be correct. One moment please.”Success. “Queen Shuri is in the basement, interrogation room one.” 

“Interrogation room one?” You asked Griot again, you didn’t even know the palace had a single interrogation room, let alone multiple. 

“Yes, the Queen has been in that room since she left you in the hospital wing.” 

So she had been lying to you. 

“Thank you, Griot, that will be all.” 

There was no doubt in your mind that this had something to do with your shooting and that Shuri thought she was doing good by you by keeping you away from all of it. Trying to shield you from more pain. But that wasn’t what you asked for, it was what she decided you needed. 

You touched your abdomen, trying to gauge your pain level. As Josiah had said, you were in the most technologically advanced country so truly your recovery wouldn’t take more than a few days. Right now, you felt good enough to hobble out of bed and make it out of your room. 

Shuri wanted to lie to you? Fine. But you were going to go down to the basement to figure out exactly what she was up to.  

You made it no more than five feet out of your room before a body in front of you haltered your progress. 

“What are you doing out of bed ngangamsha (your majesty)? You should be resting.” Aneka’s concerned look surprised you. While you knew it was her job to protect you, you saw a twinge of genuine concern in her eyes. 

“She lied to me Aneka.” You took a step to the side and then forward so she was no longer in your path. The dull twinge of pain let you know that this might be more difficult than your first few steps had made it appear, nonetheless you were going to make the journey. 

“Intoni? (What?)” 

“Shuri lied to me. She told me she had council business to take care of, but she didn’t. She’s downstairs in the basement right now. So I’m going down there to see what could be so important that she felt the need to lie to me.” You continued your walk towards the elevator pleasantly surprised that Aneka didn’t appear to try and stop you. 

You took a few more steps before suddenly something pressed against the back of both of your knees, causing you to lose your balance. Falling back right into… a chair? Aneka stood above you, her hands on the handle of the wheelchair that she had just gently gotten you into. “I am not condoning you doing this, however, I know I can not stop you.” 

You nodded, grateful to hear that. 

“But,” Of course there was something. “I will not let you rip your stitches hobbling down there.” 

A smile passed across your face and a similar one came to Ankea’s. 

“Plus, I can talk to you while we make our way down there. I should fill you in, it is for the best.” Aneka pushed you forward as she began to explain just who was awaiting you in the basement. 

While you two made your way down, Shuri, Ayo, Okoye, and your assailant were deep into their interrogation session. 

To Shuri’s credit, she tried to be diplomatic about the whole situation. When she first walked into the room and saw Liam Drockers sitting down with Ayo and Okoye on either side of him, she imagined what her brother would say to her. 

“Patience sisi.” He would say. “Regardless of what he has done, he is deserving of a fair questioning, the same as you and me.” 

And she tried to take T’Challa’s advice, asking Liam simple questions at first.

“Are you an employee of Judas’s Ice Cream shop?” 

No response.

“Are you working for the United States government?” 

No response. 

“Were you aware the person you shot was the Queen of Wakanda, Y/N Y/L/N Udaku?”

A small smile creeped up on Liam’s face after she finished speaking, but still, he said nothing. This infuriated her and she was about ready to cast this whole morally right thing to the side and get the information she needed through more direct means. 

But then her mother's voice came into her head. “Do not let him remove you from yourself intomba (daughter).”

The Queen calmed herself, “I asked you a question. Were you aware the person you shot was  Y/N Y/L/N Udaku, the Queen of Wakanda?” 

While Liam's eyes had largely remained on the floor he pulled them up to her now, showing off the bored look they held. “I didn’t miss, did I?” 

Shuri’s heartbeat increased, so he knew what he was doing. This was a planned attack on her wife? He knew who she was and still chose to take the shot?

“You still thinkin’ bout showin this fool mercy?” No. That was the one voice she didn’t want to listen to. 

Okoye saw the look and Shuri’s eyes and when their gaze finally met, a wave of concern washed over her. She was losing Shuri to this. 

Okoye’s suggestion for a break is what brought them outside, Shuri pacing up and down the hallway trying to decide how to move forward. 

“Is it really that hard of a decision little cuz?” 

“Shut up.” She spoke out loud. Ayo looked over to Okoye wondering if they should step in but Okoye shook her head, hoping that whoever Shuri was speaking to would provide the young girl some clarity. 

“I’m just saying what you’re really thinking here. I mean he shot ya wife, you really cool with letting that slide?” 

“I am not ‘letting it slide’, I’m going about it the diplomatic way N’Jadaka. Something I know you know nothing about.”

Erik laughed at that “Aww shit little panther got some bite to her huh? But you’re right I don’t know shit about the diplomatic way, what I do know however is how to get results, quickly. It’s cool though, give this mother fucker the time and respect he didn’t give to your wife. I’m sure that’s smart.” 

His last comment drew Shuri over the edge. Done with the conversation and confident in her decision, she made her way back over to the door where Ayo and Okoye awaited her. She knew the decision she had come to was harsh but the only thing on her mind was ensuring your safety and getting to the bottom of this. 

“If you do not want to stay for the next part of the interrogation, I am not ordering either of you too. This is the time now to back out of this, without any blood on your hands.” She thought for a moment about how literal her figure of speech was about to become. “Ngokunzulu (Seriously).” 

Okoye looked Shuri up and down. It was in moments like these that she no longer saw the young girl she had watched grow up over the past ten years. The youthful glow had faded over and now left Shuri with a hard exterior that seemed to be ever-present. “Are you sure this is what you want to do ikumkani wam (my queen)?” Okoye offered this out to Shuri now, one shot to think clearly about her decision.

“A hundred percent.” Was Shuri’s simple reply. 

That’s how they ended up here, Ayo holding Liam’s cuffed arms behind his back while Shuri issued blow after blow to his abdomen, turning him effectively into a human punching bag. 

“You done with the games now Liam?” A punch landed on his stomach. “Are you ready to say something and give me the information I need to know?” 

The whole ordeal hurt Okoye to watch but she understood why Shuri had shifted to such drastic means, it was only out of necessity. 

Liam gathered his breath as Shuri removed the jacket she’d been wearing, leaving her in a compression shirt. “No words Liam, really?” She cracked her knuckles and delivered two more blows, one after the other. “That’s okay I’m sure soon enough you will.” 

He shifted in Ayo’s arms for a few seconds for spitting the blood that had pooled in his mouth down at Shuris feet, giving her a defiant stare. 

A smirk rose to Shuri’s face as she looked at the few drops of blood that had gotten on her sneakers. “You know Liam, I had been holding back in the name of my wife. I’ll tell you a secret since, quite frankly, the likelihood of you making it out of Wakanda to repeat this is slim to none. I don’t know much about my wife, we do not have the most conventional marriage so the real things I can say I know about her are few and far in between. But what I do know about my lovely Y/N, she hates violence and views it as the very last play in the book. Convinced me not to kill a spider once just because she said it wasn’t necessary.” 

Shuri smiled at the silly memory of you cussing her out at home when she tried to kill a spider instead of releasing it outside. 

“So, in her name, I haven't been using any of my enhanced strength. This,” She points to the purple bruises that had started to form on the skin of his stomach. “It's all me. But, since you want to be disrespectful and spit blood on my shoes, we’re giving all that up.” Quicker than anyone in the room could have seen, Shuri put her hands up and delivered a devastatingly strong blow to his stomach. Providing enough force that even Ayo had to take a step back to steady herself and absorb some of the shock of the blow. 

You watched in horror from the other side of the glass in the interrogation room as Liam doubled over in pain, gasping for air. Aneka and yourself had been in the room just long enough to watch him spit blood on your wife's shoes. 

“Now, we’re going to try this again.” Shuri started with the same line of questions from before. “Are you working for the United States government?” 

Once Liam pulled himself together, he gave the Queen no answer, just continuing his stare of contempt. 

Shuri chuckled, “Again then? Okay.” She let out another punch, Ayo being more prepared this time held Liam’s body tight. 

“She’s gonna kill him Aneka.” You spoke quietly from the wheelchair as you watched the whole ordeal take place. “We can’t let her kill him, that’s not her.” 

Aneka nodded, “But there is nothing we can do right now my Queen. Ayo and Okoye are in there with her, they will not let it go too far.” 

“I need to get in there.” Shuri wasn’t going to listen to Ayo or Okoye, you didn’t even know if she was going to listen to you. But as far as you were concerned this had already gone far enough. You started moving your wheelchair towards the door but Aneka stopped you. 

“Your majesty I cannot let you in there, bringing you down here was a breach of protocol enough. To have you in there would just be a blatant disregard for the Queen’s wishes.” Aneka declared. 

Both of your attention was brought back to Shuri and Liam when she hit him in the same spot again, leading him to cough up more blood. 

“You go in there and bring my wife out to me or I go in there and bring her out myself. Two choices, you pick.” You folded your arms like a child, waiting for Aneka’s response. 

She looked into the interrogation room and back to you. “Bast you two are perfect for each other. Stubborn just alike.” 

With that she left you, walking out and knocking before entering the other room. 

“ikumkani wam,” She interjected, pulling Shuri’s attention from the man and onto the Dora. 

“What is it Aneka, I am busy.” Shuri looked at her impatiently. 

“uY/n ulapha kwaye angathanda ukuthetha nawe (Y/N is here and would like to talk to you).” Aneka switched to their mother tongue so Liam couldn’t understand what they were saying. 

Shuri’s face faltered for a second. You were here? How long had you been watching? How much had you seen? “I am in the middle of an inter-” 

The sound of you banging on the wall to indicate you didn’t care what she was doing cut Shuri off. She looked at Liam before speaking to Ayo and Okoye. “Put him down, I will be back shortly.” In a second Shuri was out of the room and opening the door to the other side of the interrogation room, meeting your icy gaze. 

“What are you doing out of bed sithandwa sam (my love)?” Shuri’s concern was real, raking her eyes over your body. 

“You lied to me.” You weren't wasting time tip-toeing around the subject, 

“I was protecting you.” Shuri’s justification came quickly, as she took a step closer to you. The light illuminated her face better now and you were able to see the small spots of blood that had splattered on her face. 

Against your better judgment, you called her closer to you “Come here.” She obliged kneeling so you two were at eye level, mimicking the position you two had been in this morning. You reached to hold her face in your hand, wiping the small dots of blood away with your thumb. “You lied to me,” You said again looking into her eyes. 

“I was trying to-” Shuri tried again to explain this to you but you cut her off with a gentle tap to her lips with your free hand. 

“I know you were trying to protect me Shuri, but I am your wife. You can’t lie to me.” The look in your eyes conveyed the seriousness of your comments. 

The excuses started to form in Shuri’s mouth but she stopped them. “I- I know and I’m sorry. I should have told you what I was doing.” She let her head rest in your hand and averted her eyes down, fiddling with the material from your hospital gown. 

“Yes, you should have.” While your words were harsh, the tone and way you caressed her face let her know you weren't really mad with her. 

“Let me make this right umfazi (wife).” Shuri declared sitting up so she looked you in the eyes once again. “The man, his name is Liam Drockers he-” 

“I already know Shuri.” You smiled at your wife who looked at you cluelessly. “Aneka filled me in on our way down here, I know everything. I want to speak with him.” 

Shuri pulled out of your grasp now, appalled you would even ask something like that. “Absolutely not Y/N, there is no logical reason to risk your life by putting you in there with him.”

“First there is no risk to my life, not only is he handcuffed but Ayo and Okoye will be in there with us. Second Shuri, you owe me. This has everything to do with me and you tried to keep it from me, I deserve at least one chance to speak with him. Alone.” You were confident in your rebuttal, Shuri tried to find a counterargument for every point you made but she couldn't. 

“Five minutes with Okoye, Ayo, and Aneka inside with you.” Shuri brought her demands to the table and you thought about it for a second. Was she seriously that worried for your safety that she thought you needed three Dora’s in there with you and a restrained and beaten man? 

“Deal.” 

With that Shuri wheeled you out of the viewing area and to the interrogation room. Aneka held the door open and your wife pushed you through the entryway, stopping at the frame per your request. 

“Oh yeah and pack a bag, we’re going to Genelia tomorrow.” You shut the door leaving your very confused wife on the other side. You two were going where? 

In front of you sat a very bruised Liam Drockers, Ayo, and Okoye on his sides You always found it so funny how no matter how big or bad someone seemed, at the end of the day they were made of flesh and bones just like you. 

Wheeling up to the table you sat and stared at your attacker for a moment. Trying to search for something you were never going to find, a reason or justification. 

“Alright, Liam I’m going to make this very easy for you.” You interlaced your fingers and let them sit on the table, this is where you shined. “In the other room, my wife is waiting with bated breath for me to tell her it's okay to come in here and continue to beat the living shit out of you. Now me personally, as you heard before, I’m not a fan of violence. I think it's an unnecessary evil of the world, something we really can function without.” You paused letting out a chuckle. “Not that I think that you believe the same,” You gestured down to your stomach. “You clearly favor my wife when it comes to that way of thinking.” 

Liam's eyes moved all over you, attempting to size you up as a threat. 

“So, now that you know that much about me, let me tell you how this is going to work. Either A. we can make this super simple, you answer every question I have and agree to the plan we have in place. Or, I call my wife back in here and she beats you to a pulp.” 

A wheezing breath came from your attacker and you couldn’t help but notice how weak he looked now, the beating from Shuri having done a good chunk of damage. “I’m not sayin shit, I know my rights.”

You smiled at this, leaning closer to him. “Your rights? You think your rights will protect you here?” The look on Liam’s face changed for a split second, his facade slipping. “You’re in the basement interrogation room of the most technologically advanced country in the world because you shot one of their Queens. You were flown in on a top-secret jet, there's no record of you ever even being in Wakanda. Nobody knows you’re here.” 

“That’s- that’s not true.” Liam stammered out. “There are people out there who know who I am, who are looking for me.” 

This got the heartiest laugh from you yet. “Mallory? Really? You think she’d save you?” The idea he was pushing was almost comical. “You were a gun for hire, you served your purpose and now there's nothing left for you to do, you were disposable from the beginning. Do you seriously believe she’d risk a national incident to save one measly hit man?” 

The truthfulness of your words hit Liam like a ton of bricks, there was no getting out of this. 

“So,” You began. “I’ll ask the question my wife has been trying to ask. What the fuck was your mission and who do you report to.” 

Liam shifted in his chair, looking around the room as he assessed his situation. “It all started with Mallory.” 

Taglist:  @shuriszn @sokkasbae25 @verachii @cuddl3s4shur1 @takeyaki @jinnie10101 @letitias-fav @sweetalittleselfish-honey @beautybyfire @6-noir @mocha-aya @yvxmpire @mysticalmarss @ziayamikaelson @youralphawolf72 @n7cje @inmyheadimobsessed @shurisjournal @shurisbigtoe @saintwrld @pinkwright @chatitajens @playhousedistee @motheroffae @injeolmiee @tchhairbandhere @._mrqs @msudaku @lppriceisright @bratydoll @blackqueengold @iheartsolo @cafehyunji @abenomeiiii @naomis-daydream @ilroachsworld @locoforshuri @nrc-06

[vveakfish]

do you have any thoughts about the core four whose gender(s) are basically just a trans fruit cocktail that you would like to talk about? because I would love to listen

oh boy DO I !!!

I have So Many thoughts about them Anon, so thank you for giving me an excuse to try and put it into words beyond “Damn, these bitches trans! Good for them.”

Honestly, there are so many different ways to explore these characters genders based on how you choose to interpret their life experiences, and their aesthetic changes, and their relationships with each other. I am of the belief that any of them could be trans in any direction

But, that said, I Do have particular gender headcanons for YJ that i am very fond of, so thats what I’ll be talking about today.

(Small disclaimer. I have not finished all of the comics referenced in this. I am using the information i have to inform these, but you know, i might come back to this post at some point in the future and look at it like “wow, i don’t agree with any of this anymore.” And i think thats okay.

I’m just here to have fun, and i thoroughly enjoy these little guys, and think abt them alot, so enjoy

(also if you dont want to read 4.1k words of blorbo gender analysis, or would like to avoid spoilers for Superboy (1993), Young Justice (1998) & (2019), and Red Robin (2009) in varying degrees of detail, or you just want to see what lables i assigned them, scroll down to the bottom <3))

lets get started.

Bart:

Bart's gender is the most complex, but his thought process about it is also the most simple. I think his view of gender would be very much influenced by the fact that he grew up in VR in the future like…

A body is just an avatar, do what ever the fuck you want with it.

That said, the lil guy has always given me transmasc vibes. These vibes, however, are by no means binary.

He understands that in the 21st century a lot of people do not have his sort of “throw things at the wall and see what sticks” approach to gender, so he’s okay with being put in the box of Boy™. But his gender is a lot more * hand waves vaguely *

Clothes don’t have gender in his eyes, they’re fabric you put on your body. Wear what ever you want forever!

Bart in skirts is something i have seen many people draw/talk about before, and its something i agree with wholeheartedly. He likes hair clips, and like, those loud (actually loud and visually loud) beaded bracelet type things that ravers wear. He like nail polish. He doesn’t grow facial hair, but he wouldn’t care if he did. He’s not on hormones, but he definitely considered it for the bit. “Gotta drink my boy juice” Kind of vibes.

For him gender has Nothing to do with performance, its all about comfort. About wearing what feels right, regardless of whether or not he’s adhering to expectations of masculinity.

Yes, he Will wear that god awful outfit out of the house, haters can die mad

Cassie:

Anon, I need you to understand how much i love early yj98 cass. She is everything to me — her process of coming to terms with herself, and being able to watch her start to feel at home in her own skin. It makes me absolutely feral.

lets see if i can explain why… succinctly

When we first meet her in yj98, her identity as “Wonder Girl” is this sort of amalgamation of What it Means To Be A Hero in her eyes. She has her party city blunt bob wig (Because Diana is who she looks up to), the gloves, leather jacket, goggles combo (that so clearly take inspiration from Kon).

At this point in her life Wonder Girl is not really her. Its very clearly a mask she’s putting on. which is what makes it the perfect avenue for her to explore gender expression without it having to actually be about her gender.

I think the part that specifically makes me feral though is her… we’ll call it admiration of Kon.

The girl is a self proclaimed Superboy stan + theres all the weird not-drama between Cassie and Cissie over wanting attention from Kon. (And i say Not Drama bc its like… Kon flirting with cissie (which like… have you met 90’s Kon?? he flirts with everything that moves) and Cassie being upset that he’s Not flirting with her. and cissie is just along for the ride. She’s not quite as much of a flirt as kon is, but she has her moments)

All of this to say i feel like its impossible to have a conversation about Cassie’s gender without also talking about her experiences with comphet and lesbianism.

At the beginning, Cassie sees Kon — this cocksure, conventionally attractive boy with powers that (at first glance) seem very similar to hers, and felt something about it. And, in the way of teen girls who have been told since grade school that they’re supposed to like boys, Cassie comes to the conclusion that what she feels for Kon must be romantic in nature, right?.

All of this, the jealousy over Kon and Cissie flirting, basing her costume off Superboy’s (intentionally or otherwise), the fact that she wont let her team see her without the wig and goggles at all for so much of yj98. To me it all reads as the tangled mix of undiscovered lesbianism and gender dysphoria that the poor girl simply doesn’t have the words to define yet.

So, then what IS cassie’s deal with gender???

i am so very glad you asked.

She, too, is a transmasc of the nonbinary variety.

I think her relationship to femininity is complex, and ever changing. She doesn’t feel comfortable performing femininity the way the world expects her to, but she is also part Amazon. And i think having a relationship with both Diana and Donna would greatly influence how she felt about femininity as a whole.

The Amazons are strong, their femininity isn’t about beauty, or being soft spoken — it isn’t about Men at all. On Themyscira, to be a Woman is about bravery, honor, skill, and in some ways, divinity. Getting closer with her Amazonian sisters would change her relationship to womanhood immensely.

But it still wouldn’t feel Right. She would be able to see that womanhood can be defined differently, but that wouldn’t change the connotations that womanhood had as she was growing up. She’d never be able to lean into it the way Diana or Donna do — they both grew up only having woman defined as strong and brave and confident. Their experiences are not analogous.

The baggage of growing up a girl under the patriarchy wouldn’t just… vanish because she sees that it Doesn’t have to be that way. In some ways, the knowledge that it didn’t have to be that way could make her dysphoria all that stronger (especially if she hasn’t quite deciphered that dysphoria is what she’s feeling).

but i think there would be a point where two things sharpen into focus for her.

fiirstly she has a big fat crush on cissie king-jones.

and second (which would only come AFTER realizing her feelings for cissie) is that what she feels for Kon is Not the same as what she feels for Ciss.

She didn’t want to be with Kon romantically, she just wanted his gender.

I could see her experimenting with wearing a binder, liking that she can get rid of her boobs if she isn’t feeling them that day.

She already has her short hair, and her leather jacket and jeans, and shes big and buff and strong (because she deserves to be butch!!! okay???).

I still think she would use she/her pronouns, but she wouldn’t be picky ab it (if she gets called sir while at the pizza place, she’s not going to correct them.)

But here’s the kicker — I think leaning hard into her masculinity would be EXACTLY what she needs in order to actually ENJOY expressing femininity again.

When putting on the mask that is ‘womanhood’ becomes something that she can Choose to do, rather than something that is being forced on her, it can be pleasant. Like playing dress up.

She has a new appreciation for it, especially since her friends respect her gender, and she knows at the end of the day, when she takes the makeup, the clothes, and the wig off, underneath it all she’s just her.

(Small addendum re: TT’03 Cassie’s fem phase. I have Many thoughts about this as well, and while they end up in roughly the same place, i exploring her experience with comphet and her decision to dress in a more traditionally feminine in that run is something id like to explore in another post (once i’ve actually read the run too.)

Cissie (bonus):

This one should be shorter than Cassies, mainly because my reasoning for it is much simpler.

YJ'98 (#11)

She lists all these names, all of them feminine except for Fucking Ralph. “One weird phase” she calls it.

To me, Cissie is a transgirl through and through. She has this huge list of femme names she tried on while she tried to find the one that fit best. She mentions ralph in this off handed way, as if its not important, and i think thats just her way of dismissing her deadname as something of little consequence.

(that said, i think there’s lots of fun to be had with transmasc cissie, or tried transing-her-gender and realized it wasn’t for her Cissie. But as a transfemme, tgirl cissie is So important to me <3)

Kon:

other people on here have made posts about Kon’s gender that are much more coherent than this will be, but i’m putting the words down anyway. bear with me.

Kon’s experience with identity (especially in his earlier years) is almost entirely about the external rather than the internal.

Kon has his whole life planned out for him from the moment he opens his eyes. It’s simple really — become Superman.

So you have this freshly hatched teenage boy, saving the world as Superman (not the Only one, but definitely the coolest one (Kon would argue)). All eyes on him, all the time. In some ways, performance is inseparable from who he is. From the very beginning, everything he does is on display.

He starts his life with a Name (Superman), a life path (…again, Superman), and all the confidence of a sixteen year old jock with nothing but wins under his belt. then it all gets taken away.

Turns out Clark ISNT dead, and the world doesn’t need its pint sized superman anymore now that its got the real thing.

enter Superboy

Kon’s entire identity, his whole purpose for being alive, was to step into the shoes of a dead man who is no longer dead. So where does that leave our genetically engineered test tube baby?

lost, and extremely confused.

But he’s good at using his charisma as a shield, and even better at keeping himself busy. His problems aren’t there if he doesn’t have the time to think about them, right?

and i think that’s true about his gender as well.

Similar to Cassie, his discovery and exploration of his gender feels incredibly tied to his sexuality (to me). If you’ve read sb93, you know Kon’s deal with women. He is cute & conventionally attractive & he's like superman with a fashion sense, so of course there are people fawning over him.

And he loves the attention. He likes that people want him, or that they are looking at him. The issue is he doesn’t have the life experience to realize that their reasons for paying attention to him are often very shallow, manipulative, or selfish.

He isn’t treated as a person very often. He’s a brand, a product, a tool, a weapon. He’s arm candy, he’s a photo op, he’s a headline, he’s a paycheck. And it takes him a long time to be able to tell the difference between someone Liking Him & someone Using Him.

For the longest Time, Superboy is all he is. He doesn’t have a name outside of that identity (except for the various pet names the women in his life give him (kid & pup, mainly)).

And even when Clark does give him his real name, Kon-El, its still Attatched to his identity as Superboy.

I dont think that he would really even be able to start dissecting how HE feels about his identity until he’s much older.

Part of this would come from the space to be someone else that gaining a civilian identity would give him. As Superboy, the goal has always been to stand out, to be seen, to shine like the sun.

As Conner Kent, he has to blend in. He doesnt want to draw attention to himself, or the Kents, or Clark. He has to fit in, which was never something he had to do as Kon. And i think it would kind of chafe at him — but he wouldn’t really know why.

I think he’d chalk it up to how different of an experience it is. Not being loud, having to be normal™. And so i think he’d just… continue to play the part. For a while anyway.

And like, part of being Normalest Boy Conner Kent would also involve actively un-queer coding himself for the sake of fitting into the ecosystem of Smallville High. and its like…

Young Justice, as a friend group, is SOOO queerplatonic. The lines between romantic and platonic intimacy are so blurred, and Prior to Kon’s YJ days he he was also like… living with these woman who he had complicated relationships with that also blurred the lines between platonic, romantic, and sexual (…looking at you, Knockout).

So learning where the line is when it comes to how he can acceptably interact with his civilian friends (particularly the boys) would Really open his eyes to just how close he is with Bart and Tim, and how similar his feelings for them are to his feelings for… lets say, Simon Valentine.

But i dont think That is what would actually tip the scale. I think realizing that these feelings for his friends aren’t considered ‘normal’ would make him shove them down deeper. As ‘Conner’ anyway.

from here it could go two ways, right?

Either we get Teen Titans ‘03 t-shirt Kon, who sheds his GNC 90s swag in exchange for adhering closer to traditional (read; boring) masculine gender roles.

or we get a Kon who leans Harder into his punk roots, but its a conscious choice now.

(this isn’t even digging into how he would feel once Jon comes into the picture, because while Kon cares for that boy Deeply, his feelings abt the new kiddo in the family could also be very complicated. But that’s a post for another time.)

Personally i prefer the second one.

Kon has always been a curious kid, i love the way he makes pop culture references, and how he bases his behavior off of 90’s teen tropes that he Most Definitely learned from TV. In his early days this wasn’t done in a research way necessarily, but he Did want to learn what it was like to Be a Teen™, and TV was the easiest way to figure that out.

(and, playing in the space of Kon adaptations, his love of media/pop culture, and just over all thirst for knowledge, are present both in the Reign of the Supermen Movie, and in his iteration during the n52 (which is one of the few things i personally have internalized from reading n52 Superboy/Teen Titans)).

But post gay awakening, i feel liked he’d be interested not just in behaviors, but also the context of them. Digging into punk as a subculture rather than as an aesthetic. Learning about its connections to queerness, and community, and self expression. And i think this would be extremely freeing for him. (especially if this were around the time of Jon becoming Superboy v.3, but again, not the point of this post.)

this all culminates in Kon being like yk? gender just… isnt for me. Like, it takes im a long time to get to this point, but realizing that the path that was set out for him is just one of the potential paths he can take, and while he might not know where this new path will take him, its his, that that matters.

And also like, Because his friends are who they are, he’s seen different versions of queerness, and transness, but i think it would take him a bit to see himself as someone who Isn’t Cis bc like… he doesnt have dysphoria in the traditional sense.

He’s still the beefcake he’s always been, but i think he’d start playing with makeup when he realizes it makes him feel good (he shows up the the cave one day with smudgy eye liner and Cissie is immediately like a) you look so good and b) can i Please do your makeup? (and then she does it, and he looks so pretty, and he gets these weird giddy feelings that he doesn’t realize is gender euphoria until his friends start talking abt gender euphoria)

His uniform starts to get more personalized too, like the designs where he has knee patches, and all his little belts, and stuff. maybe he starts experimenting with showing skin. bc he deserves it

(’its for maximum sun exposure!!!’ is the what he tells clark… he’s not sure if clark bought it or not)

And hey, exploring gender presentation more as Superboy might help him do the same as Conner. Cassie will take him thrifting, he’ll try of a flowy skirt or a sun dress or something and then its Over. Gender euphoria part two, electric boogagloo.

In the end, its about realizing that adhering gender roles (and truthfully, any socially imposed ‘rule’ about self expression) is something he can simply Choose not to do. And i think this freedom would be something that benefits him in his civilian life as well.

His gender is: literally what ever, man.

Tim:

Ok, here’s the thing about Tim and gender, right? I think he’s kind of just comfortable as he is. He’s good at playing the roles he needs to in what ever situation hes thrown into. ‘Robin’ and ‘Tim Drake’ (and even ‘Tim Drake-Wayne’ if you want to split hairs) might be masks he wears, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less him. if that makes sense. like…

Lets look at the differences between Bruce (or Brucie) and Batman for a second. They really are different people. Batman is who bruce is at his core, ‘bruce’ is this sort of liminal space between the cowl and his public persona, and then theres Brucie™, and well, you know how he is. These are personas that Bruce puts on.

With Tim its like he just highlights different aspects of himself when a situation requires it. (oh no, the autistic!Tim head canons are being loud today.) But like, he’s Always been masking. And i think this is something he would look at as like… getting a good grade in adapting. or something. He’s comfortable, all the roles he plays are ones he’s familiar with, and he doesn’t really question who he is outside of who he needs to be.

That is, until Caroline Hill makes an appearance.

I feel that the decision to go undercover as a woman was a wholly practical decision in the moment. It’s what the mission required, and therefore tim stepped up. Its just another mask, right? Surely this wont awaken anything in him…right?

But this is an entirely new mask. And i think it might like… shift the way he looks at/thinks about the other masks he puts on. He was able to step into a role that was very foreign to him, and it Worked. (and he felt pretty, which like… woah, thats a new feeling. and he kinda liked it? file that under ‘thoughts he doesn’t have the bandwidth to process right now.’ Bruce needs him back at the cave! its time to debreif! and he has a biology test tmrw! no time for gender scaries!!!).

I think it would take a while for him to be able to admit it to himself though. Because like… hes Not uncomfortable with his body, but he also keeps thinking about how good he felt dressed up femininely, and how he felt powerful, in a way. That putting on that mask felt just as good as putting on his domino.

Personally, i think itd be funny if instead of coming out right away, Tim doing undercover missions essentially in drag becomes a recurring thing. And i imagine some people give him a hard time. (not in a transphobic way or anything, i just mean like, teasing him fondly or what ever.) (Also, i like to imagine that when cissie Did kons makeup, bart and Tim jumped in there too bc like hey why not, and hoooooo boy, if Tims egg hadn’t cracked before then, it sure would have cracked after.)

The thing about him is, i’m not sure if he’d come to the realization himself. You know, that he would like to present femme sometimes, in a situation that has Nothing to do with a mission.

I could see Tim convincing himself that its a pointless or frivolous desire, which is Why he relegates his time presenting femme to when he can prove that it’s useful.

but i have this image in my mind, right? Of him, taking his makeup and wig off, and hes chatting with whoever is in the room with him (literally anyone else mentioned above… or Dick). And Tim’s just talking about how he wishes he could present this way in situations other than missions.

and the other person in the room is just like… i mean, you literally can.

and hes just like…. shit you’re right. i Can :0

I could probably go further into depth abt this, but i think this just frees him to start playing with gender more as Tim. and start to recognize when he’s feeling more masculine, more feminine, or somewhere in between.

His gender isn’t consistent, its this thing he’s constantly listening to, and trying to understand. but in the mean time, he can paint his face, and wear pretty clothes, or dress like just Some Guy, or be a hedgehog dressed in traffic light colors, or what ever his heart desires.

As far as like… how He describes his gender, i think he’d say something corny like bi^2 (bi of both the sexual and the gendered varieties). Or shrug, handwave, generally give a non-helpful vague description. Or tell who evers asking to buzz off.

(small addendum wrt Kon and Cassie in TT’03. I haven’t read this run yet, so i didn’t really include it in this post. But i Do have thoughts about what might cause the two of them (my gnc besties from my comics books) to lean sooooo hard into traditional gender roles after being So Queercoded in their other appearences. Before i talk abt that though, i want to read the comic. So, that will have to be a post for another time)

ANYWAY, heres that TL;DR i promised.

Bart: NB Transmasc Cassie: NB Lesbian (of the transmasc variety) Kon: Agender Tim: Fluid (bi-gender) + Cissie: Transgirl

Thank you soooooo much for giving me the opporrtunity to ramble abt the silles and how Not Cis i think they are. Love you forever.

[skeletonpunching]

Buddy Daddies interview with Ayase

Interview with Ayase (musical artist for the opening theme, SHOCK!)

Interviewer: What impression did you have of the series "Buddy Daddies", which features "SHOCK!" as its opening?

Ayase: When I first received the basic rundown of the series, I thought, "This girl's (Unasaka Miri's) level of cuteness is going to be really essential when it gets animated." And then I actually saw the footage, and Miri was absolutely adorable.

Interviewer: Did the anime production staff have any specific instructions for the composition of the song?

Ayase: They didn't really request anything specific. Just that since it's meant to be an anime opening song, they'd like something more fast-paced, rather than mellow... That was the vibe they were going for, and it was what I had in mind as well.

Interviewer: How did the worldview and atmosphere of the series inspire your ideas for the song?

Ayase: I knew that the plot of the series was the protagonists parenting, and so I wanted to use that as one of the themes of the song - the part where they confront the question of "love", and find themselves steadily changing. But in fact, this song isn't entirely about the series itself; it's connected to the series, but it addresses the themes of what I've personally experienced in life, and my feelings about the responsibility of loving others. 

Interviewer: And is that also what inspired the title "SHOCK!"...?

Ayase: When you're emotionally devastated, or when you've turned away from precious feelings like romantic love, you suddenly meet someone who has a huge influence on your mindset and your way of life. The title is connected to the anime storyline, but it also expresses that sort of tremendous effect. "SHOCK!" is meant to literally convey that impact.

Interviewer: Is there anything you were especially concerned with when creating the song?

Ayase: I'm usually part of a group called YOASOBI, where I have the role of composer - I focus exclusively on songwriting. But YOASOBI's central concept is "making novels into music", which means I'm always drawing inspiration from other people's stories and sentiments for my own writing. So I inevitably come up with a lot of songs that have strong narratives and thematic messages.

This time, I was inspired by "Buddy Daddies" as well, but since I was performing it as a solo vocalist, I wanted the phrasing of the lyrics to also reflect my own personal tastes to some extent. I was trying to make something that would be easy listening, and could be enjoyed with no constraints. But when I say "easy", I don't mean I didn't put any effort into it. What I mean is that I wanted people to enjoy it simply, and so I kept things simple and loose as well. It doesn't carry any sort of deep message - rather, it's about the fleeting doubts that surface as I go through life, the feelings I have for people who are kind to me, and the casual thoughts I have on a daily basis. I took all those things and focused on putting them into words. I couldn't have done this if I wasn't releasing it as a solo artist.

Interviewer: I guess it's different when you're performing the vocals yourself.

Ayase: I just thought, "Man, singing sure is fun." (laughs) I'm also a Vocaloid producer, so when I compose songs for other artists, I often send them a Vocaloid demo with Hatsune Miku first. But since I was performing this song myself, I recorded the demos with my own voice right from the start. I explored my comfort zone as I sang, and I had a lot of fun striving for the best results. 

Interviewer: Please tell us how you felt when you saw the opening sequence accompanied by "SHOCK!"

Ayase: I usually picture scenes in my head while composing, and since I'd gotten to see the "Buddy Daddies" character designs, I had thoughts of "it would be cool if they put in a shot like this at this point", or "that might be interesting". And I think it turned out incredibly close to what I had in mind. Of course, I didn't say anything like "I'd love an opening like this", so it's not like they were trying to reflect my preferences, but I could tell that they crafted the footage while taking into account the song's intent and atmosphere. So it made me very happy to watch it.

Interviewer: Is there anything you keep in mind when working on tie-in songs - not just the one for "Buddy Daddies"?

Ayase: Different musicians and artists all approach songwriting with different mindsets, and there will be more tie-in songs in future - for anime, commercials, and so on - but when I'm lucky enough to be chosen, I always want them to come away thinking, "I'm glad I worked with Ayase." That's my top priority, and I think that's how it should be.

I said just now that I produced this song simply and loosely, according to my own tastes, but I still thought carefully about the series. I want people to feel that I have a strong sense of professionalism and am producing work that no one else could do. Not just for anime, but for other tie-in songs as well - I don't just want to make cool songs. I understand that I've been called on for a certain purpose, so I want to create the best work I possibly can. That's why I give it my all, every single day.

Interviewer: How has the public reaction to "SHOCK!" been?

Ayase: When I release songs as part of my regular YOASOBI activity, or when a tie-in series gets broadcast, I'm usually very curious about the public reception. So I check online almost right away. But this time, since I was singing the song myself, I couldn't quite bear to see the reaction. Plus when the anime first started airing, I was really too busy to be on social media much. Honestly, I'm kind of scared to vanity-search myself this time. I've just been getting LINE messages from my family and close friends, saying things like "it's good", and of course that's a huge relief. As a vocalist, I still haven't built up a resistance to public reactions, so if anyone says anything mean I'll probably cry. (laughs)

Interviewer: Please tell us what you think are the selling points of this series "Buddy Daddies".

Ayase: It's got lots of comedic elements and lighthearted scenes, but the serious parts are also legitimately serious. And that also makes the comical bits stand out all the more - it's like a fun black comedy. It kind of has the vibe of a foreign series, and that's an interesting aspect I haven't really seen before.

Interviewer: Finally, please give a message to everyone who is enjoying this series.

Ayase: To all the viewers watching "Buddy Daddies" every week, I hope you enjoy both the opening sequence and the song "SHOCK!" Thank you so much for everything!

[so-many-fandoms-here]

hi! idk if youre taking requests atm so in case u don’t, feel free to ignore this :-) anyways, i’ve been obsessed with the way you write and i was wondering if you could write something with niragi, inspired by house of balloons by the weeknd!! i think his character kinda suits the lyrics so i thought that could be fun!! it can be anything rlly, smut, angst or just anything :-) tysm and have a good good day!!! 🫶🫶🫶

Heyy :)) This is my first request since quite a while so I'm actually pretty excited right now :D Thank you so much <3

I listened to the song a few times beforehand and you're right, it really suits Niragi.

I took a lot inspiration from these verses:

You look into my eyes You can't recognize my face You're in my world now

So just don't blame it on me, girl 'Cause you wanted to have fun

Oh this is fun fun (...) This is fun to me

—

(English isn’t my first language so feel free to correct any mistake you notice)

• Characters: Suguru Niragi, fem!Reader

• Genre: Angst

• Warnings: abuse, bullying

Remember

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

I have no idea how I was able to survive so long without anyone by my side. I lived like a stray dog for months until I met these really nice guys (who probably just wanted to fuck me). They had a fucking car and told me about this place.

The Beach. That's how they called it. It used to be a resort back in the real world. Some crazy guy, Hatter, found it and created some cult-like society. I didn't had the best gut feeling but anything was better than my current situation. So I let them touch my tits a few times and in return they took me with them.

The Beach was a way bigger deal than I thought. Dozens of players lived here and there was food, water and electricity. This place was actually alive.

Yes, it still was a weird cult-like place, but a safe place afterall. I was just supposed to bring the cards I own to Hatter (they didn't exaggerate, this man was definetly some kind of crazy) and had to wear swimwear so I couldn't hide any weapons on my body, which actually made sense to me.

The guys that brought me here explained a bit more to me. At first I didn't want to listen, but when they mentioned the militants I started to pay attention. Because they where allowed to carry weapons with them.

I didn't really care about anything else they had to say about them.

They where allowed to carry weapons with them!

Call me paranoid but I would feel so much more safe around here if I had a gun or something. These people might be in the same boat with me but everyone would safe themselves first from drowning. Me too.

They wanted to survive. I wanted to survive. And in the time I was here I lost a lot of my empathy because it would get me killed in the blink of an eye.

"Who is the leader of those executives?", I ask, swirling my (h/c) hair around my right index finger while putting on my best doggy eyes.

They looked at me like I was just as crazy as Hatter but after a few seconds of hesitation they answered anyways. "Aguni. Really short hair, scar on his face. It doesn't matter though, you instantly feel that he is the leader, when you are around him."

I took note of the facts about his appearence anyways, just in case.

"He is never alone though. His comrades are like flies, pretty sure this man doesn't even shit alone." I ignored his comment and was already looking around.

"Imma head to my room guys", I said without looking at the men. "I'm tired." They either didn't caught my lie, or they simply didn't care. They just nodded and let me head off.

I was of course not going to my room. I was way too curious about this Aguni. The things I would do for a stupid gun...

The sun was long gone when I saw him. The boys where right, he had this aura that basically screamed at you. And as expected, he wasn't alone.

For a second my confidence began to fade. Did I really want to talk to this guy? Would that be as smart as I thought? But I caught myself quickly again. I would die one way or another, where is the difference if it's through a game or his hands?

After I took a deep breath I stood up from my chair I had sit on and walked straight up to him. People stared, some whispered but I ignored them.

"Are you Aguni?" I ask him when I arrived in front of him but before he could even think of an answer another man slipped around him and build himself up in front of me. A big gun rested on his shoulder and the amused look in his dark eyes showed that he wasn't afraid to use it.

But there was something else in his eyes. Something so familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Maybe we went to school together? That wasn't so unlikely based on how many people were here.

"Do you really think our boss has time for a stupid chick like you?", he asked while he grinned like an idiot. A hand placed itself on his shoulder and shoved him to the side. "Niragi." A voice scolded him.

The name didn't ring a bell. I probably saw him around school sometimes. Based on how he acted here he probably was one of those bullies in school that degraded literally anyone. You didn't even need to look or act different, sometimes you where just at the wrong place at the wrong time and your school year was literally over.

"Let her talk", the voice appeared again. Agunis voice.

I tried to make myself taller than I was and tried so desperatly to look brave, that I probably looked like a fool. "I want to join the militants."

I held my breath while biting my tongue. I really didn't know what to expect. Maybe he would kill me right on the spot? Or maybe not. I didn't know which one I would prefer.

He tilted his head and eyed me from head to toe. "It's not that easy." "I don't care!", I interrupted him and felt the heat spreading into my face immediatly after I spoke.

There was silence for a short while and I was absolutely sure that someone would kill me on the spot, but then he laughed quietly which scared me even more. "Or maybe it is that easy after all", he said eventually.

I felt the burning eyes of his subordinants and for a second I thought I would throw up on Agunis feet. "I like you. You're in."

I didn't know what just happened. It was so much yet nothing. All it took was for me to interrupt the leader? This had to be a trap, right?

"Nobody dared to talk to me like that since I came here", Aguni explained. "Don't think I would tolerate it, I don't, but at least you're somewhat reckless. If you're reckless in other aspects too, this could work." His hand dissapeared in the pocket of his jeans and came back out with a pair of keys which he handed Niragi. "Show her the guns."

Niragi looked far from happy about this order. "Why me?", he asked rather irritated. Aguni looked him dead in the eyes. "'Cuz you're my right hand. And you do what I say."

It looked like Niragi wanted to say something but bit his tongue. Instead he turned around and stormed off. Without saying a word I followed him, now even more scared than I was before.

Niragi walked quick and with big steps he crossed the halls of The Beach. At a heavy door he stopped and turned around to wait for me. "Hurry up!", he yelled annoyed while waiting for me. Slightly out of breath I stopped next to him and looked while he opened the door which revealed a rather dark stairwell that only lead down. "It's downstairs", he explained before starting to walk again.

I tried my best to stay beside him while we walked down where I supposed was the basement. Here were probably the generators and all that kind of stuff.

We crossed another long hallway until he stopped at the last door on the right side. Then he used the key to unlock the door and before I could process everything properly I found myself between dozens of weapons and guns.

Niragi pushed me inside and quickly closed the door behind him. Then he locked it and turned around to look me in the eyes. Fear crawled up my throat and my heart started to beat faster than it ever did in my whole life.

"Long time no see (Y/n)", he said. The keys dissapeared into his pockets so I had no chance to get them. Confusion mixed with my fear. "You know my name?"

His smile appeared back on his face for a second but then faded again. "How could I forget?"

My confusion grew while I desperatly tried to remember from where I could possibly know him.

"Come on", he cooed while he looked at me with expectant eyes. "Don't you remember?" He raised his free hand, made a circle with his thumb and index finger and held it in front of his eye, mimicking glasses, while tilting his head to the side. Then he pushed his lower lip slightly in front of his upper lip, frowning exaggerated.

It hit me with such force that I felt nauseous again. The sad face he put was badly played, but I could see it anyways. I saw the boy with the glasses in front of me, crying while my brother swung the baseball bat. "There it is", Niragi whispered. "The recognicion."

All those years I tried my best to forget these eyes. And I did. But now it seemed like this was a huge mistake.

„When I saw you upstairs my stomach dropped. I thought one of us would die when Aguni said I should show you the guns. The thought of all the feelings you could bring up again did something to me but I must admit that it’s rather pleasant to be alone with you.“

I stumbled back, tried to get more distance between us but Niragi instantly closed the distance again by taking the same amount of steps in my direction I took to get away from him. Not because I was scared, not only, but because I was emberrassed.

"How's your brother?" My eyes locked with his. As I looked longer into them I see how broken they are. Just like back then, but still different somehow. The eyes that looked into my direction, screaming for help, which I avoided like the plague because the guilt shook through me. The guilt that I didn’t dare to help him.

My brother made me look how they tortured him and for everytime I looked away, he would hit me when we got home. With his fist, with his belt or he would throw plates or glasses at me.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, tears stinging in my eyes. Again I avoided his eyes but I couldn't for long because his hand found my face and forced me to look at him.

"I remember your black eyes, the gross swelling shimmering a different color everyday", he whispered and I felt his breath on my face. "Blue, violet, yellow, like a violent, ugly rainbow."

Niragis eyes studied my face, stopping at the scar over my eyebrow. I knew he looked at it because I it suddenly started to throb just like the day I got it.

"That was for when I didn't threw the baseball at you", I answered before he could ask anything about it. It felt good to remind him, remind me, that I didn't want this to happen. When I refused to, he threw a mug at me. It broke it half when it landed on the floor, then he picked it up and threw it again. It cut into my skin leaving the about 2 inch long scar behind

"Where is he now?", he asked still inspecting my scar. I shrugged my shoulders. "I came here alone." I was scared that he might thought I was lying but he seemed to believe me, which made me relax a bit.

"He'd be surprised what his little games did to me. What I have become…" He let go of me but I still looked at him. "I always liked you, you know? You understood." I nodded. "I will kill him if I ever see him again." I nodded again. "And will make him suffer how I suffered." I nodded a third time while I took a glance at his pierced tongue. The pictures of the dirty needle my brother pushed through it popped up in my head again.

"I will find him and then we will play my game." Niragi walks up to one of the shelves and took a gun, rather small compared to his, then some ammo and handed it to me. "Our game."

I looked at the gun in his hand. It was my choice. If I take it I would make a pact with him. I hated my brother with all my heart but I was still hesitant. Is vigilantism the way? My way?

"It's your choice", Niragi reminded me. I took the gun. There is no justice in Borderland, so why not make it myself?

"I will make it my world", he said. "Where no one will look down on me ever again. On us."

His eyes practically burned into mine but I couldn't look away. My iris's where tied to his and I wondered if somewhere inside was still the Niragi I met in the past or if it destroyed him completly.

[sophierequests]

🌿 i talk in my sleep - send me your ideal idea of a first date and some facts about yourself (name/nickname, favourite pastry, favourite song, random fun facts etc.) and i'll ship you with a character and write a short drabble about them → please specify your sexuality, pronouns and whether the ship is supposed to be romantic or platonic!

Hi! I hope it's still the 14th where you are haha, but if it's passed the date, you can completely skip and delete this!! Ideal Idea of a First Date - Definitely attending a festival or carnival of some sorts! I love strolling around to see different carts and markets and the music and performance!! And ending the day with a fireworks show of some sort! Nickname - On here, my friends call me Oath! (but for the drabble you can just make it an 'x reader'! I don't mind ^_^) Favourite Pastry - I absolute LOVE cookies, especially chocolate chip and when it's soft baked, the best kind uwu Favourite Song - About Time (feat. Kelsey Kuan & prettyhappy) Random Fun Fact - I am pretty introverted when I first meet people, but once I feel comfortable and safe with someone, I open up and become a very energetic and talkative person, especially if it comes to topics I like or the person likes, I love listening to people's interests and have them sharing it with me Sexuality and Pronouns - I am a straight hetero woman, I go by she/her but I don't mind they/them pronouns as well! I would like it to be a romantic drabble please! (And fluff if you don't mind XD) Thank you in advance, I love your work, and I hope you have an amazing day! Take care ^_^

shipping people with grishaverse characters // the garden event

don't worry, you were just in time!

i don't think anyone's surprised by who i'm shipping you with

since we never really heard much about shu han in the books, i took the mid-autumn/mooncake festival as inspiration for this! (it's only very loosely based on it and i don't mention the history, so if you're interested in the festivities, please look them up, it's so interesting to read about!!)

“I cannot believe that the one time Nikolai is dragging us off to Shu Han is also one of the days when the whole country chooses to abandon their houses and fill up the streets,” you mumbled, more to yourself than to anyone else.

Tolya only chuckled in response, a few loose strands of hair falling lazily onto his forehead. Both of you wore a somewhat traditional robe that Nikolai had gotten all of you to blend into the crowds, but only Tamar and Tolya really managed to pull it off. You still had to admit that the fabrics looked more than stunning, especially in the warm red light emitting from all the paper lanterns around you.

“We should be glad that Nikolai didn’t intend on going through with that plan of his today.” He whispered back, almost having to lean down towards you so that you could hear. “We wouldn’t have a chance getting through the streets without causing some sort of commotion.”

“At least something,” you chuckled. “As frustrating as our favourite privateer’s planning skills are, I’m still excited to see what this whole festival is about.”

He raised his brows in amusement. “Have you never heard about the Moon Festival?”

“Tolya, I grew up in Ravka and spent my entire life cooped up at the Little Palace, studying manuscripts older than that hag Baghra, do you really think I know what kind of celebrations the Shu have?”

“Oh dear, then I have a lot to show you.” With that, he grabbed hold of your arm and pulled you face-first into the crowd.

There was so much going on and you barely had time to catch a proper breath before the next impression was basically thrust upon you. 

First, he led you to what looked like a parade passing through the streets. People dressed in colourful hanfus and intricate costumes danced amidst the onlookers, laughing and singing songs that you had never heard before. A few of them held up a giant puppet of a bright green dragon, making it dance and writhe over their heads. It was a stunning display of colours and music alike, and you couldn’t help but gape at the performers as they walked past you.

“Dragon Dance,” he stated matter-of-factly. “It’s a tradition as old as time. They used to only do it during times of drought, because the dragons are associated with rain here, so they hoped that this dance would bring us a prosperous harvest.”

“It’s most definitely a stunning tradition.”

“You’d be surprised about how many stunning traditions the Shu have other than this.” He smiled, letting his eyes wander over the parade one last time before offering you a hand. “Are you hungry? I think I know something that you might like.”

This statement should remain to ring true. He took you to a less crowded market street, vibrant shops and huts lining the sides of the road nearly everywhere you looked. There were shops selling masks, fabrics and dresses, or all kinds of food. 

Tolya stopped in front of a bright red booth, offering something that looked to be tiny sweets. He called them mooncakes and went on a long, complex rant about how his sister always used to steal the best ones while he was left with the flavours that no one really liked. After he was done rambling, he bought a little box full of mooncakes and two cups of Kuei Hua Chen Chiew, also called osmanthus wine as he explained to you later.

For what felt like the hundredth time today, he pulled you away from the commotion and towards a little ledge that overlooked the lower parts of the city and quite a bit of the raging sea. The city was bathed in the red glow of the lanterns and flashing lights, competing against the heavy darkness that surrounded you. It was a strange, but beautiful sight to see. And it was made even more beautiful by the fact that you had someone to share it with.

[jennyandvastraflint]

It's late, I'm very tired, but I am going to write you the ask anyway because I need you to know you put a new fic idea into my head and somehow it has grown and now what am I going to do? Do I have time for it? No. But it's been a lot of fun writing a snippet on the train today (as you do) and I hope it will stay for a while and maybe develop?

Basically, it's -

"[The cat] already has a name" the Doctor said suddenly. "She's called Siren." "You've named her?" Yaz exclaimed. "Has she told you?" Graham asked. "Mate, she doesn't actually speak 'cat'; she was having you on, earlier" Ryan stage whispered, before blinking and looking over to the Doctor. "You don't, do you?" "She's wearing a name tag" the Doctor explained and really, now that Yaz was examining the cat's collar, there was a tiny silver square reading 'Siren'. "Oh" she said, wondering why the Doctor hadn't used the name yet. Was it as not to get too attached? It had taken her awfully long to enter the discussion on the name, too.

I'm not quite sure how far this will go but there is actual plot already somewhere. It's a bit - difficult though. Because they're all treating the cat like you would treat a cat. Which is different from how you'd treat a human/timelord/whatever, especially when it comes to boundaries. And they don't know she's not a cat of course, because River is there ~undercover~. To them, basically, 13 has 'adopted a stray'.

Anyway, it is still very fun :) (also 90% of it has turned into a zoo tycoon ad but I am blaming that on companion-showdown) I love writing for the fam! It's difficult to juggle so many people in one scene but I love all of them so much 🥰 (but if I do write this whole piece it will probably end up being doctor/yaz/cat!river centric so that's only 3 characters and one is mainly non-verbal)

(This is about that cat named River Song in that post (yesterday?) and you saying it should be River undercover btw. Not sure whether that's been clear until now.)

Do you think Siren is a good name? Sirens sing and live in bodies of water, so I thought she might choose it as a not-too-obvious undercover name. Plus, River would dig the seductress connotations. (It might also have come to my mind because we've been talking about mermaids but anyway)

Alternatively, I was thinking Cleopatra bc we know River has cosplayed as her and it would be cute to call the cat 'Cleo'. It's a very cat-like name, I think.

Or 'Melody'? More angsty but also more obvious and riskier. And the idea is that the Doctor cannot know either she's there. But it also makes a good name for a cat I think.

(also, yeah, I totally haven't finished the lkh rewrite either, I think I told you earlier. But ohhh shiny new fic concept with thasmin and River and a cat 😍😍😍 anyway I am blaming you <3 (for the idea, not the procrastinating - the procrastinating is 100% on me))

God, I hope this is halfway coherent now. I'm not feeling too coherent 😅

Anyway thank you so much for listening <3 I'm very grateful to hear any thoughts! On the name or general thoughts :) Also questions! As I said, there is some plot. Unfinished, but I can see a main direction (and it looks suspiciously like 20k+ words so... not sure I will follow it ever)

First of all, absolutely love that my bullshit inspired you XD

Second, I love the scene you wrote omgggg! The fact the fam didn't notice the nametag and just went to the more outlandish explanation of "13 speaks cat" 😂

I love the name Siren so much!! Like first, it fits with the "River" (body of water) "Song", but it also reminds me of how when River calls for the Doctor, they are always there for her, almost as though drawn to River.

(Shiny new ideas always so appealing, yuppp, it is a thing I know all too well)

I am so excited to read more of this, and am looking forward to the plot that awaits us!

On the point of juggling so many characters, yes, I find that anything above three characters regularly interacting gets a bit crowded. Perhaps you'll still find a way to have Ryan and Graham there and doing little tasks during the fic, like for instance sending them to get food for Siren XD

I am honoured to have enabled this as your writing sounds a delight!! May the writing gods bless you, may your writing be plentiful and motivating!

[metalheadmickey]

New Year's Ask Game for Fic Writers 🤍

I was tagged by a couple of pals to do this a few days ago, and i'm finally getting to it! thank you @ardent-fox @suzy-queued @energievie 🖤

To close out 2023…

1) What fic did you have the most fun writing this year and why? Or, if you can’t decide, what was most fun about writing this year for you?

the most fun i had was while writing honeycomb, because julissa @heymrspatel and i got to play with our horny psychic link again and it was the BEST.

2) What’s a scene/story that you finished and felt “wow, I really accomplished that, that actually went so well”?

let them see. writing ian and mickey fucking with an audience and making it believable was HARD. i'm still not sure how well i accomplished that, but i'm proud of it.

3) What helped provide the most inspiration for stories, if anything? Was it poetry? A song on repeat? A gorgeous gifset? A walk outside? A book you read that made you want to change everything? Whatever it was! Tell all.

i listened to infinite granite by deafheaven on repeat. i just think it's beautiful, and it's good music for zoning out and imagining. lyrics from that album sometimes serve as working titles for my fics before they get real titles, and in fact i did name a fic after lyrics from that album. waiting in the light

4) What is something you want to share about what you’ve written this year? A particular line, a comment that made you feel really good, a scene that was difficult to write — you get to choose! What do you wish someone would ask you about when it comes to what you’ve written?

i just wanna talk about feels like a dream. setting the atmosphere for that was so fun. i wrote it so quickly, i could see it all so clearly in my head. i wanna talk about ian sucking on mickey's tongue. i wanna talk about the moment ian puts the collar on mickey and how he gets him to tell him why he wants it. i wanna talk about how ian talks to him and takes care of him and makes him feel owned. i wanna talk about how mickey sucks ian's dick like he needs it to live. i wanna talk about how important the atmosphere is in that moment, how even they felt like they didn't want to move too quickly and disturb what they had built up that night. i wanna talk about how mickey's so sleepy while ian's fucking him that he wonders if his orgasm is going to jerk him awake or make him even more sleepy and blissed out. oh god, and mickey calling ian daddy throughout. i just think it's sexy. i wrote it in september but i posted it at the very end of kinktober when people were likely just burnt out on it, but it's there and it's dreamy and it's kinky and i like it.

And to start off 2024…

1) Do you have any writing/creation goals for the year? What are they?

yes! i just want to post more fics. i still want to participate in kinktober and i want to format it differently this year. i want to write a multichapter au as well.

2) Is there a fic or idea that you’re really excited to be able to continue to work on in the new year (shout out to my fellow fic writing folks who take forever to finish wips, sometimes it’s nice to be able to continue working on something even if you wish you’d gotten it done! Now you get even MORE time with it!)

yeah, that multichapter au idea! i had written quite a bit for it and i HATED the direction it was going in and it made me want to scrap the whole thing. i had a helpful conversation about it with bee a few weeks ago and i've got new ideas for it, so really i want to tackle that. it just feels daunting because i've written thousands of words that i feel like i need to get rid of. i basically need to start over to make it work. but it'll happen!

3) What’s something new in your writing you want to try/are going to try? A different writing style? Different fandom? Darker works? Fluffier? Longer or shorter?

baby's first au! also i think i mentioned this before but i wanna try writing destiel smut. like deeply emotional, feral, inhuman, otherworldly reunion fucking. we'll see if i ever get to it though.

4) What’s something you love about your own writing that you will continue to appreciate in the new year?

i think i'm good at writing physical sensation. i find smut really fun and i think i'm pretty good at it. not just because i'm good at describing physical sensation, but for all kinds of reasons. i think i'm reasonably good at keeping ian and mickey in character while they're doing all kinds of things, and i like that. i think i'm good at setting a tone and atmosphere. i don't know man i just like it to be a sensory experience, and i think it often is.

i'm late but i'll tag a few people anyway! @whatwouldmickeydo @whatthebodygraspsnot @gallawitchxx @sisitrip @thisdivorce if you guys are interested in playing/haven't done this yet 💚

[lunylune]

Inspired by this post

Ao3 link

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No, that one's for my husband." "Wait what?!"

A Stranger things fanfiction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary:

Steve knew he wasn’t the smartest one of the group, hell he didn’t rank top five, probably. Please ignore the aggressive validation followed by a loud dingus from Robin and Eddie, thank you. But really, he thought this plan was rather genius. If he told his family he was married to HIS HUSBAND, maybe they would finally accept that he did not need to be set up wit a girl (cousin or not, which, gross) and that he was perfectly happy with his boyfriend of seven years.

He, uh, just forgot to tell said boyfriend...

Whoops.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, listen, seriously. 

Steve knew he wasn’t the smartest one of the group, hell he didn’t rank top five, probably. Please ignore the aggressive validation followed by a loud dingus from Robin and Eddie, thank you. But really, he thought this plan was rather genius.

He was a middle school teacher, sadly never got out of Hawkins, but it was fine. He managed to get his own place, which he shared with Robin for the most part unless his absolute best friend in the world was traveling. Nancy, Jonathan, the kids, everyone came over, they had movie nights. Max was healing, Eddie survived.

God, that stupid idiot.

They made it out, they lived, they were fighters. And all things considered, Steve liked to think that managing to be a teacher and all, he was pretty smart.

Well apparently he was every bit the idiot Mike kept calling him, because here he was, at thanksgiving dinner with his family being once again integrated by his dear grandmother and family… You know, the ones that skipped town when things got back in Hawkins and he only saw around the holidays.

Now you see, somewhere along the lines Steve realized he had a wonderful gift, one that not many others had. The fact that his parents cared immensely about their image. With Steve becoming the beloved babysitter of the town everyone knew, and later that sweet boy trying to be a teacher, and then mister Harrington of grade three, well… There was no way they could actually kick him out or disown him. The party forced Steve to do this thing he hated, which was talk about his feelings~ So if anything happened the whole town and police force and people his father considered “trailer trash” would know, would judge.

So while Steve had to work hard and had no support from his biological family, but his family of choice had grown three times in size and included a literal supergirl, at least five geniuses, three people who were gun experts and his boyfriend.

Oh, yeah, he had a boyfriend. Eddie, to be specific.

No he was totally normal about it and not blushing thank you!

Along with deciding his future should look however he fucking wanted, came some less fun revelations. He spend many a nights with Robin in multiple different bathrooms as he dealt with his internalized shit, about how it was always fine for her and everyone else, but not him, and how he thought maybe he should change how he thought about himself, because it wasn’t so nice. Robin alternated between hugging him and smacking him on the head (gently, for the head trauma). In the end and after a good year of pining, it had been pretty anticlimactic. Or well, Steve thought so, Eddie couldn’t get enough of recounting the story to their gremlins, all along with a reenactment Steve halfheartedly participated in. 

Basically, of course Eddie had known something was going on. No straight dude spends as much time on: one, his hair as Steve does. Two, staring at another guy's lips as Steve apparently had. Max called him grossly obvious, but nodded along when El called them sweet. It was when Steve had come over to watch the game with Wayne (something he regularly did now with Wayne and Hopper, god he was getting old). After it finished, he had gone to Eddie’s room to hang out, the other working on painting some new figures for the upcoming campaign. And his tongue was poking out just barely as he focussed, and Steve’s brain short circuited for a moment from something else than head trauma. Eddie was so… Just- So cute. Steve knew he had been staring, face getting warm, when Eddie looked up and grinned. “Just staring is not gonna make anything happen, princess.” It was such- It was a bad line, not nearly as creative as Eddie usually was with his endless flirting and teasing, but Steve just-

He had leaned in, planting a firm kiss on Eddie’s lips, face beet-red but smirking as Eddie blinked rapidly. “There. See, staring can help.” It had been so stupid.

They had been dating ever since, nearly seven years now. Seven wonderful years. Eddie lived with Wayne not even three houses down for a while (thank you government hush house), but stayed over more often than not and eventually moved in. Him and Robin of course got along and Steve was being attacked from two sides about his horrible movie taste now but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

So he moved out, had his gaggle of kids by choice, was a teacher for a whole bunch more and had an amazing family and boyfriend. He was a decently open bisexual man, and strangely not many people gave him trouble. Was the small town attitude working in his favor? People, weirdly, had a lot of sympathy for Eddie once the whole, held hostage by a serial killer came out. Seeing all the kids defend him and Eddie might have helped there, Steve’s new “golden babysitter”status helped. No one really talked about them in clear terms, but would sometimes talk about how “sweet it was that you two are such good… friends. And so supportive.” It was really fucking weird and every time it happened Eddie would look like a confused puppy afterwards. “Me? A good person? A good neighbor? Me?! What the hell is happening Stevie?!” Steve just rolled with it.

So uhm, he did have to tell his parents he was dating Eddie, but to be fair, they should have told them they would be home for christmas for the first time in five years. And knocked…. They should have knocked… He wasn’t disowned, but they wanted no mention of it. Threats which did not hold up as soon as Steve pushed them. Because what were they going to do, leave him to fend for himself? Oh nooooo…. How will he ever surviiiiveeee…

So they did not have the excuse of not knowing, and surely this news spread through the family like wildfire.

Did that stop them from calling it a phase, possession by the devilworshipper and trying to set him up with the nearest girl, no of course not don't be stupid.

So, thanksgiving. Why did he agree to spend it with these people instead of his other actually loving family? Right grandpa Stanford died two months ago… like that was his problem the man nearly shot him once, on accident but still. Grandma Jessie was alright though, a sweet older lady who might have the start of dementia. She was the main reason Steve was here. She was the only one who would scold his parents for leaving him to travel. Back when she could still walk well, she came over often to take care of Steve. He learned to bake from her.

He was glad he sat close to her, talking with her about the kids he was teaching. "I used to teach… all those girls were so sweet, but so bad at needlework." Different times. But Steve was happy to listen to her rather than listen to the political feud currently going on between his dad and uncle Dave from his mother's side. His mom chuckled, very fake, as she refilled her wineglass. "It's so nice we can all be together…" 

"Would be nicer if any of the kids had their shit together," uncle Dave groused. Aunt Carol and their kid Kevin both scoffed. Steve's mom chuckled again, sounding a bit manic. "It's just been… so long. Why. Don't we do this more often?" Yeah, why indeed.

On the other side of the table his cousin Kevin had gotten into a spat with Katherine and Willow, Steve's objectively cooler cousins he hadn't seen since he was like… eight? Willow was blinking slowly as Kevin ranted about "the queers" taking over and getting him kicked out of the sport team, utterly unaware he was probably the only "not-queer" cousin and thus outnumbered. Steve might only play sports with seven to ten year olds now, but he would love to kick Kevin's ass. He took a sip of his own wine, leaning over to refill his mom's glass and his dad's sister's glass. Aunt Diana was Willow's and Kathine's mom and really, outstanding job. She almost got Steve a job as a hairdresser before he became a teacher. Her useless husband Tom was nowhere to be found, probably still trying to evade charges for drunk driving. It was tradition in this family.

There was a knock at the door and grandma spoke. "Steward, open the door." His dad stood up, letting in the late guests. Dave glared. "you're late Hannah." Hannah was a distant aunt, along with her husband Tony and two daughters. Now imagine Steve's surprise at finding out that Vicky apparently was a cousin of his. He raised an eyebrow but waved. She smiled and waved back, sitting next to him. "Funny to find out you are part of my estranged family."

"Trust me, in ten minutes you are gonna wish it stayed that way. I give it fi me, I give it fifteen before you wish you had never found out.” Vicky took a chair next to him, so she could talk to grandma Jessie. “Where’s your sister…?” grandma asked, looking around.

Vicky looked apologetic. “She couldn’t come, the twins are sick and she felt bad leaving them with Laura, her…. roommate.” Steve nearly choked on his wine and Kathrine and Willow snickered. Ah, good, he wasn’t the only one who caught that. Roommates… Sure… 

Steve whispered to her, pointing at uncle Dave and his dad. “I give it ten minutes until they convince Willow to “get help” for her “condition” and aunt Diana mixes alcohol and painkillers again.”

Vicky was already massaging her temples.”Oh god are we going to need to call an ambulance?”

Steve cackled. “No, if it comes down to it uncle Kathrine will drive her. God forbid the neighbors see the ambulance.” Vicky let out a sigh, burying her head in her hands. 

“Fifteen minutes, you said, bit ambitious.” Kathrine said with a look at an already exhausted Vicky.

Look if Steve had to suffer, so did everyone. Except grandma.

It was the usual spats. Diana’s useless husband Tom not showing up, Willow being even more out than Steve despite Steve having a boyfriend, Kathrine’s lack of a highschool diploma. Diana was waving her fork around. “All I’m saying is, he’s a piece of shit, okay, but he’s been my piece of shit for five years so, leave it. I’m not getting a divorce.” She took another sip of wine. Steve still wasn’t sure if her husband was wanted for tax evasion or… murder…? It was so hard to keep track, with Kevin selling drugs and his own dad definitely bribing people about the cheating. Oh and Dave, doing all of that except the murder. Aunt Carol turned to him. “And you, got a job worthy of the Harrington’s yet?” Steve pitied her sometimes, so stuck on the name and her womanly duties that she didn’t pursue her own life. That was, until she opened her mouth. “Still a teacher. Oh, wait Kathrine, let me tell you about this kid-” who got stuck on the roof, but hey at least the ball was safed… They had to call the fire department…

He was interrupted by his dad. “Did you get a girlfriend yet?” Steve stopped, glaring at him. 

This had been an ongoing “fight” they had. Since they couldn’t actually kick him out. Diana and grandma Jessie wouldn’t let them, Steve was their favorite nephew/grandson. “No dad, I’m still with Eddie. Eddie Munson. You met him grandma, remember?” He could never get his parents to meet Eddie, so grandma was the closest he could get. Thankfully she had adored Eddie. “Oh yes, the boy with the big eyes and soft hair? The one with the good music. He was such a sweetheart and a gentleman. You found a good one, Stevie darling.” He smiled, happy someone was on his side, sharing the joy with his three female cousins and aunt Hannah. “Yes, that’s the one grandma. He’s gone for a tour now, or I would have brought him.” While Steve missed him, the phone calls were something to look forward to.

Grandma smiled. “Such a talented young man. You all are.” Well, the table was mostly women, but it was the thought that counted. Vicky gave him a small smile and a nod. Ah good, he fucking knew it. Boobies Robin, boobies.

His father scowled. “What about that girl you went to dinner with last year, Rachel, or something.”

“You mean Robin?” Steve asked, watching as Vicky took a very quick sip of wine. Hm, interesting. “She had to spend it with her parents. And she is not my girlfriend, dad. I’m not her type and she is not mine.” It had been seven years, seriously.

Willow asked tiredly. “So what is your type?”

“Curly hair and big eyes. It’s a whole thing.” He said with a shake of his head. His mom was smiling, trying to be nicer but failing miserably like how she failed to both raise her son and stop her husband from cheating. Not that it was her fault, but priorities. Steve was petty, okay. “And what about that girl you dated for a year, Nancy. I thought she and her boyfriend split up?” 

“No mom, they are still together. And very in love.” Jonathan and Nancy, a power couple that worked out some issues after ‘86 and still going strong. Nancy was still dating Jonathan. Jonathan was just… Also dating Argyle now. The three of them worked well together. Not that Steve was all that interested in getting back with Nancy, finally figuring out his delicate balance between platonic and romantic love thanks to many more bathroom talks with Robin and some normal talks with Eddie. He took another bite of turkey. “Besides, I’m with Eddie. Have been with Eddie for seven years. And you all would have gotten to meet him if you acted even slightly open to it.” Uncle Dave scowled and muttered something about “fags”, leading to Willow’s knife accidently cutting his hand. Steve hit his plate passive aggressively with his fork. “All I’m saying is. I’m with Eddie, I have been with Eddie, and I will stay with Eddie until the sun burns out and or the earth cracks open again, so drop it. It’s not going to change.”

Grandma patted his arm. “You should bring him around again sometime.” Steve reassured her he would, just as his mom had the nerve to say, “But Stevie,” a nickname only grandma and the party could use… “I’m just worried you maybe didn’t date enough people first. You might not have found the girl right for you.” Steve stared at her just. Just baffled. 

“Mom, are you seriously saying my relationship of seven years is a phase!?” She waved her hands as Steve raised his voice.

“No, no, I’m just saying that…!”

He interrupted her. “I need to date more girls first!? As if I wasn’t enough of a slut in high school as it was!” Not that there was anything wrong with it, but he knew it would upset uncle dave and aunt Carol. And right on cue, Dave slammed his hands as Kathrine snickered. “Watch your fucking language!” Aunt Diana twirled her wine glass, laughing but nearly in tears. “It’s so nice that we could all get together like this…!”

After a bit they all calmed down.

That was, until aunt Carol opened her mouth. Again.

Aunt Carol pointed at him. “I’m just saying, Steve darling, you should see a priest.” Steve had to take a second to digest it, watching aunt Diana reach into her purse for painkillers. Vicky glanced between him and aunt Diana, trying to say “should we call an ambulance in advance?” with her eyes, But Steve was busy.

“Wait is this family catholic?” Steve asked with fake confusion, tilting his head and staring at aunt Carol.

“No, why,” Willow asked as Steve’s mom muttered, “Reformed, technically, I think. It’s so hard to keep track. And it’s not like any of our children have been to a church in decades aside from Kevin and look where it got him…” He was sure she hadn’t meant to mutter so loud.

Steve stared his aunt down. “Oh I’m just trying to understand if the priest thing is genuine religious concern or another casual derogatory statement, but if we are not catholic I'm leaning to the latter.” Thank you Dustin for all those word-of-the-days.

Willow nodded. “Fair.”

Grandma smiled, waving to get their attention. “Your grandfather was a satanist in his youth, such a rebel. Which is why I know Steve picked a good one.”

“Thank you grandma.”

Kathrine shrugged. “If it took me sleeping with every boy in town to find out girls might be better, I can hardly blame Steve for doing the same with most girls.” Willow gagged as the adults let out cries of homophobia and Vicky shook her head in despair again, trying to hide her incredulous snickers. When she got it under control she turned to Steve. “Considering I didn’t know you were my cousin, I’m just so thankful you are not my type.” Yeah, Steve had a pretty good idea what her type was. Bumbling lesbians, mainly.

Aunt Carol slammed the table. “All I am saying is, Jessica would make a lovely wife for you.” For Steve, of course… But not for Kevin, god forbid her darling son ended up with the “slut” of the family. The amount of sexism was staggering. Nancy could probably do a whole scientific study just on his family. Vicky suddenly looked up. “Wait, you mean… My sister Jessica, his other cousin?” The table fell quiet.

Aunt Carol narrowed her eyes. “Maybe…?” Grandma shook her head. 

“No no, Jessica is veeery happy on her own.” 

Steve nodded. “She’s awesome, grandma. Shame she couldn’t come.” Unlike Diana’s useless husband Tom (which, the woman deserved better), Jessica was very much invited. But ever since she got pregnant at twenty by a boy she claimed not to know the name of, aunt Carol and Steve’s father had tried to shun her. Grandma Jessie refused though, as she was the only cousin that also regularly visited (Willow and Kathrine lived pretty far away, Kevin just sucked and Vicky’s side of the family had been estranged until today and probably again tomorrow if they valued their sanity). As far as Steve knew, Jessica was very happy alone living with her “roommate” and little twin eight-year-old Angie and Micheal. She worked together with her aunt Diana, a hairdresser for weddings, a business looked down upon by the family but made her a pretty good living. More than Steve's teacher job. He was honestly impressed. 

Vicky turned to him, making a face. Steve nodded fake solemnly. He felt a migraine coming on, but hoped he would have time to get home. Otherwise he might have to ask grandma to crash on her couch again… The conversation fell quiet, only grandma happily oblivious and happy the family was all together.

But of course, Steve’s father just HAD to give it another shot. “I’m just saying, you would change your tune if you actually got married. Could even bring your wife over for christmas. Take it from me, your life will be much happier than with that degenerate.” Yeah, take relationship advice from the serial cheater that was not in 80 percent of your life.

Steve was done, had an oncoming migraine and hated about half his family. So he, finally, chose violence. "Actually, me and my husband will be spending christmas with his family. This year." Silence fell around the table as everyone registered what Steve just said.

"EXCUSE ME?" People shouted.

"Oh, that sweet boy…" Grandma muttered, looking delighted. “He treats you right?” Steve ignored the calls from his parents and the arguing from his family to offer aunt Diana some water and to smile at grandma.

"He is grandma. If you want I can pick you up this christmas, as the rest is all on vacation." The judgment at them leaving this elderly woman alone on christmas dripped off his voice.

Vicky shrugged. “I won’t be, I could come?” Steve told her of course, a plan brewing.

His mother had messed up her perfect hair and Steve might take some joy in that. "No! Wait! When did you get married, how!? It's not legal!" Good point, cover story go. He had to memorize so many over the years, surely he could think of something.

Steve shrugged, brain working overtime through tipsiness (how much wine had he had? Enough to pull this off appearantly). "It was actually pretty easy. Hopper knew a guy at the registration office and Robin is an ordained minister." The second part was true. She claimed it was a cool party trick.

Vicky’s eyes were wide, smile pulling at her lips which she was trying to stifle. "Wait really?"

"Yeah don't ask. But anyway, once we got it all sorted all he had to do was pretend to be his dead female cousin. Named Emma Munson, made it real easy. And with his long hair, the people at the office thought he was a girl anyway and we got married. Both kept our names."If they ever actually got married, and god could a man dream, Steve would take Eddie’s name like so fast…!

Diana smiled through her about-to-pass-out gaze. “He does have lovely hair…” He made a dialing motion to Willow, who got up to call ahead to a hospital.

Kathrine huffed. "Treat you right, my ass! I don't see a ring."

Steve pointed at her, hoping he was not swaying like the room was. "Yes Kathy, because I'm going to flaunt my illegal marriage to my lovely husband in the middle of Hawkins indiana."

"You could get caught for this!" Aunt Carol shouted.

"Report me aunt Carol, and you will no longer see your husband. Or your children. You will all be in jail. I have dirt on every single person in this room don't test me. I just need to figure out which dirt I have on who, you are all horrible people. Wait not you Willow, you’re cool. And Kathy, but you are still a bitch honestly. Except you Vicky, I didn't even know we were related."

"Yeah it was surprising to me too."

In the end, migraine or not, Steve did not drive home. Diana was fine by the way, just… Yeah she did end up passing out. Dave was taking in by the police for starting a fight with Steve’s dad for, “putting a fag on this world,” seemingly not aware Steve’s dad shared his bigoted opinion. Carol got taken away for causing a fuss, leaving Kevin (who was on thin ice with the law) to bail out his parents. Kathrine and Willow drove their mom home, both without a license… but oh well. Steve’s parents were off to- Chicago? Honestly, how was he meant to keep track? He was decently sure Jessica called at some point, just to say hi. He thinks Vicky and the other Jones’s just went home… Maybe? 

He vaguely remembered Grandma asking before they left. “Which one of  you is a lesbian?” The cousins all shared a look as Kathrine said. “No one here I think. But me, Willow and Steve are bisexual.” 

Vicky had chimed in. “Me too, actually.”

Grandma had only smiled again. “Oh how lovely, here’s a twenty.” Kevin made a confused motion as he did not get any money. But that explained the twenty dollars in his pocket and also HA! Suck it Robin the boobies are never wrong.

He drove home the next day once his killer headache settled and he told grandma all about his wedding, making up so many facts but honestly this would be the dream, apologizing for not inviting her over brunch. She waved the apologies off. “I have a bad hip dear, would have been too much excitement if it really was the stealth mission you are describing.” She was awesome and she was going to outlive them all probably. 

God it was a shame his wedding day didn’t actually happen like that. Steve would have love it. Eddie would have too. Awesome husband. Yeah, perfect. (ignore his overcooking brain. Migraines are a bitch when trying to deal with reality.)

He fell into bed, needing like… a solid day to recover from the amount of family drama that was unloaded upon him. He dozed, still in his clothes from yesterday on his bed until he heard the door quietly open and someone draw the curtains closed. Oh yeah, that helped. He turned to squint, letting out a, “Hm?” 

He felt a kiss gently pressed to his temple and saw Eddie. “Don’t worry sweetheart, just wanted to help you into something more comfortable. “Ngh, later…” Eddie ran a hand Through Steve’s hair, which was nice hadn’t his head hurt. Took his shoes off too, how sweet.

Eddie said quietly, “Okay princess. Later. Get some sleep. Tell me all about the family drama later.”

“Hmhm, g’d, y-... ‘maz’ng… -and…” What he meant to say was, god you are an amazing husband, something he would have been embarrassed about had he not been half asleep and Eddie couldn’t understand, chuckling. “Sure darling. Sleep first. Love you.” With a final kiss, Eddie left again so Steve could rest, warding off the rest of the party.

“Love you too.” God how did Steve get so lucky with his husband?

[soft-lilith]

Spilling my woes into your whisky

Word count 2.7k | Angst and Fluff

Soooo @writersdrug encouraged me to post my brain farts and I will do so from now on. If any of you have complains, got to her. /s

I hope you like it.

AO3 Mirror

Heavy angst | Death of a Loved One | Consumption of alcohol and cigarettes | Mentioning past séxual interactions | Described Blood | No smut just sad

The golden liquid in your glass looked so tempting even with the knowledge that you hated its taste. Small drops of water ran down the pretty looking glass, forming a small puddle underneath. Faint music entered your ears, but you couldn't hear a thing. 

Your arms rested on the bar like heavy bags of meat. Between them were three beautiful rings.

One of them was way too expensive and was the reason you literally kicked his ass. Who spends 12 grand on a stupid engagement ring? He did. Idiot. Big, loving, caring idiot. You hate him so much, hate him for leaving you alone in this hell called life. 

A tear fell on the gold ring with a beautiful design inspired by nature. Inside was a simple inscription. 

Eternally yours.

Liar. 

He is such a liar. How dare he ever give you hope of a life of bliss, a life by his side, a life away from this suffocating pain? 

With trembling hands, you raised the glass to your chapped lips and gulped it down in one fell swoop. 

Disgusting. You would never understand why he liked the taste of this shit so much. 

As the woody note spread through your mouth, an image entered your brain. 

It was one of those nights, the nights after an extremely hard mission. No words were spoken. Moonshine was the only source of light with the lit end of your cigarette. 

Your head rested on his hard chest, listening to his heartbeat, while his nose rested in your hair. It was a ritual that was incorporated shortly after you first landed between his sheets. 

It was all fun and games back then. But even on your first night, you couldn't shake the feeling that could best be described as weird. A mixture of fear and hope, lust and love.

On nights like that, the two of you became each other's world, and everything outside the door of your dorm was nonexistent. Leaving behind the cruel world you just fought in. He poured himself his favorite whiskey and you lit a cigarette. Both habits you tried your best to get rid of. But in moments like this, it was a treat, a reward for increasing your kill count. Something that was necessary, but the worst part of your job.

At the end of the day, you are human, and taking another's life leaves you with scars. Some of them are hidden and some of them show through a cigarette or a glass of whisky.

The bartender didn't need a word from you to know you needed another. Another drink to get closer to numbing your pain. You were used to pain. In fact, pain had been your longest friend. It was there when you grew up and the days you started basic training. The day you joined the team and the day you tasted him for the first time.

How it could find you anything but repulsive is beyond you. But he did. He kissed every scar life gave you, kissed the still-healing wounds of your past. 

Your tears began to mingle with the snot running from your nose. It must look so hideous, a woman who doesn't move an inch, her eyes looking somewhere that wasn't in this bar, dressed in all black, her husband's uniform jacket draped over her shoulders. 

"Stop stealin' me clothes, bonnie!", he complained to you. With innocence in your eyes, you look at him, in his shirt and nothing but his shirt.

"It's not my fault I look so much better in them."

He crossed his big arms over his chest as he looked down at you. Smiling, you rolled onto your back and locked eyes with him, placing your hand on your exposed thigh.

"If you want them back, you have to take them off first," you cooed and his eyes narrowed.

"Ye're a ratchet woman."

Before you could pout, he picked you up with ease and threw you over his broad shoulders. Your laughter echoed down the hallway leading to your shared bedroom.

"No, wait, I-!"

A slap on your butt cut short your pleading and his grip on your waist tightened. 

"Ye'll see what ye get for playin' games, bonnie."

And you did. You walked funny for three days.

You put the empty glass back on the bar. The alcohol burned in your throat, but the pain wasn't strong enough to conceal your pain. 

"My condolences."

You almost jumped at the male voice that ripped you out of your trance. How hard did you dissociate to not even notice that someone had sat down next to you?

"Thank you."

Nothing more, but enough. Hastily you wiped away some of the endless tears. With the nearby napkins the bartender had placed down with a sympathetic smile the moment the first tear left your eyes, you blew your nose and removed some of the ruined makeup under your eyes. 

The man got a shot in front of him, which was quickly emptied and set down for a refill. 

You felt your pulse in your head as you tried to pull yourself together. Should you try to talk to him? After all, the two of you were nothing more than strangers sitting in a bar in the middle of the day, getting drunk.

"What... What makes you drink at 14?"

A deep chuckle escaped his lips. As if you had asked the most unnecessary question. From his point of view, you probably did. You blinked a few times before playing nervously with your refilled whisky glass. 

"It's 19."

Your head turned towards the man. His dark blond hair looked unkempt, and there were dark circles under his piercing blue eyes. There was no way you had sat in that bar for 5 hours bathing in grief.

"He's right, darling," the bartender explained, giving you a gentle look. "Would you like me to call you a cab?"

Slowly your eyes returned to the rings in front of you, as if they could speak for you. 

You have been looking at wedding bands for a while. None of them seem to be 100% up to scratch, and with an increasingly annoyed fiancé by your side, you were even more unsure. But how could he not get anxious when this was the 4th store you went to look for rings?

"Come on, bonnie, just pick yin that ye like."

You looked at him with a slight pout. 

"I don't vibe with any of them... maybe we should look somewhere else?"

He looked at you with his smile that still made your knees weak. Gently, he placed his hand on your cheek and you automatically nuzzled into it.

"If that's whit ye want, we can look somewhere else."

There it was again, his endless understanding when it comes to everything that concerns you. You will never fully comprehend how he was able to put up with your bullshit. And while he showed that he would rather have it done, he never once lashed out at you. Never.

"I just want them to be as beautiful as the ring you gave me," you explained as you moved closer to him, resting your forehead on his chest.

"I ken, bonnie, but if ye want something like that, ye'd need tae rob a bank wi' me."

A laugh escaped your lips and you pulled him into a hug. He kissed the top of your head before resting his chin on it.

"So which bank are we going to hit, Clyde?"

His laughter made you feel warm and fuzzy, and his hand moved up your back to your head, kissing you longingly. 

"I love ye," he whispered against your lips.

"No need. I have nowhere else to go," you simply said, emptying another glass. 

And you spoke the truth. There was no way you could go back to your house, back to the base, back to all the places that made you think of him.

Silence fell over the man and the bartender, who continued their work. And it stayed that way for a while. Endless tears soaked the bar as you just sat there staring at those stupid rings. 

All the broken promises were catching up to you. The promises of sitting on the porch, gray hair and grandchildren playing in the front yard. The promises of traveling the world, making new memories. The promises of always being by your side.

But here you sat, broken, alone, and with the fire that once burned within you extinguished. 

"My mother died of cancer."

It took you a moment to register what the man was saying. You turned your head to look at him. There was no sparkle in his blue eyes, and you could see that his inner turmoil was more than a simple storm. Your caretaker overcame his grief and raised your hand to place it over his.

For the first time since he sat down, he looked at you. There it was, a glimpse of what you would call familiarity. His eyes were different than his, but they had seen the same horrors. 

"It's not quite the same as losing the love of your life, but I think I'm close to understanding how you feel," he continued, after downing another shot of clear alcohol. How he could drink without making a face was beyond you.

You let out a broken chuckle and your eyes went back to the rings you had picked up from the bar.

"Thank you for opening up, even though I'm just a stranger."

"You're not a stranger."

Confused, you tilted your head. The gears in your head couldn't turn fast enough to put together if you'd ever met this man before.

"We both fight on the same battlefield. We both buried our friends. We both made other people bury their friends."

Your mouth opened slightly before it formed a small smile. Tears streamed down your face again. He was right. While the two of you were talking to each other for the first time, he was not a stranger. He was a comrade, a team member who fought on the same front line. The same battle scars tainted your mind and body.

He couldn't hold your gaze any longer, looking almost shy as he turned his eyes back to his shot glass. Your hand still rested on his as another comfortable silence fell over the two of you.

So many unspoken things were fighting their way to the front of the war that was going on inside your head. You hated yourself so much for every fight you ever had with him. Especially because they all seemed so petty looking back on them now.

"Stop telling me what to do, Soap! I may be your girlfriend, but I'm not your property!"

"Jesus fucking Christ, bonnie, I'm just worried aboot ye!"

A bitter laugh came over your lips as you glared at him.

"Sure, tell you that yourself. Maybe one day I will believe it myself."

You were expecting a slap, and if you were honest, you really deserved one for saying all those things to him. How could you ever have faith that anyone would ever be in love with you? Look at you, a disgrace to your family, hiding the fact that you were a murderer behind the cloak of your uniform, a little whore who fucked all those men in the hope that they could see you, the crying girl inside of you, still waiting for her prince to fight his way through the darkness surrounding her.

But it wasn't a slap in the face, in fact, there was never a raising of his hand. No, he just grabbed your arm and pulled you into a forced embrace. At first you struggled, but eventually you gave in, embracing his warmth as you cried your eyes out.

"Stop thinkin' that ye're no worth my worry, bonnie. It hurts tae see ye like this."

Endless apologies and tears left your body as you continued to cry in his strong arms.

You flinched as the man's phone went off. Gently, you removed your hand so he could answer the call.

"Yes? Yes, I'm at the bar. No, I'm fine. I can text you the address. Later."

He typed something into the device before sliding it back into his pocket. It was only now that you noticed his accent, which your foggy brain had a hard time pinpointing.

"Sorry for the startle."

You couldn't help but chuckle.

"Please, I'm sorry for being so jumpy."

There was something close to a smile on the man's lips. After putting on your rings on your left hand and his on your right, you reached into your jacket pocket. A crumpled pack of cigarettes was placed on the bar. You pulled the ashtray toward you before lighting the cancer stick with a lighter.

"Old habits die hard," he said almost with a teasing undertone, and you sucked your teeth.

"Old habits die hard," you repeated before taking a long drag on your cigarette.

It had something comforting about it, sitting in that chair, at the bar, ignoring the glaring horror waiting outside that front door. And as you sat next to the stranger, you felt yourself starting to calm down, at least a little.

"Are you thinking about revenge, if that's an option?"

Good question. But you already knew the answer.

"Will killing the freak who took his life bring him back into my arms?"

You could see your counter question sinking in as he was about to speak when the front door of the bar opened and a group of young soldiers stumbled into the bar. Great, just what you needed. Some of them were holding a girl close, displaying her like some kind of trophy.

It seemed that you weren't the only one who was more than disdainful at the arrival of the group of people. But once again, your new acquaintance was too slow or too wrapped up in his own thoughts to react faster than one of the men who ordered a round of drinks. The boy stood a little too close to you and his smell made your nose wrinkle.

His eyes lingered, checking you out, before he began to speak.

"He's not worth it."

Your eyes widened and your trembling hand clenched into a fist. But he didn't stop. All those words slowly turned to white noise as you froze. You wanted to stand up and beat the shit out of this asshole who thought it was appropriate to go up to a grieving widow and hit on her. You couldn't, though, which made you hurt even more.

The alcohol kicked in as a dizzy spell washed over you.

Not only that, but endless memories were being dumped on you. The feeling of his 5 o'clock shadow under your fingers, the feeling of his rough hands on your thighs, the feeling of being whole for the first time in your life as you lay in his arms.

A loud sob escaped your lips. 

I loved you so. I loved you so and yet

Traitor that you are get a bullet through your heart

Join me right in here, and take a look at my insides

I loved you so. I loved you so and yet

Strangely, the white noise had stopped and you heard someone calling your name. Still not quite back in the present, you turned your head toward the voice calling for you. Slowly, your eyes moved up to meet those of your teammate.

Ghost's brown eyes looked slightly red and unusually emotional. Or as emotional as someone like him could be. You had trouble processing how he found you in this bar in the middle of nowhere. 

"Come on, darling, let me take you home. The others are worried."

The words caught in your throat as you tried to answer him. All that happened was another tear falling onto your jacket. Ghost held out his hand to support you. As your stitches were pulled, you put your half-finished cigarette into the glass ashtray. It took you a moment to see the blood on his hand. Ah, that's why the white noise stopped, you thought as you carefully stepped down from the barstool. Ghost put his arm around your shoulders to help you out of the bar.

And as you stumbled along, you turned to the man at the bar who had a genuine smile on his lips as he looked at you. Your lips said, "Thank you," but your vocal cords didn't obey. The new acquaintance gave you only a nod before turning back to his drink. 

[hecckyeah]

Okay I saw your fic behind the scenes ask game and I MUST know behind the scenes info for "So A Crazy Thing Happened At The Terra Bella Lodge"

Oh my GOSH I'm so excited to tell you all of it!!!!

First, obligatory link to said fic in case someone would like to read it! (But be warned-- I spoil everything below)

A couple of fun facts:

I can't remember for the life of me what exactly spurred this idea, but it's heavily influenced by Leverage and some of the more bottle-like episodes they've done. Very heist-y origins! Although I wish I was better at writing heists, because a Brooklyn 99/The Rookie heist would be the crossover fic of the century.

I spent roughly 15 entire hours watching episodes of Brooklyn 99 and clips of Jake and Amy so I could get their voices in my head, since I'd been on a Rookie spree and all I was hearing was Tim and Lucy, and while they're similar in some ways I needed to remember how to write Peraltiago! Pretty sure I've watched every single b99 clip that exists on Youtube

The inspiration for the Terra Bella Mountain Lodge is actually a real place!! It's a wedding venue in Estes Park, CO called the Della Terra Mountain Chateau. I've sadly never been there but it looked GORGEOUS, and if I ever get married, it'll be on my top 5 venue options for sure

I tossed around the idea of whether or not to have Jake and Amy's kids there with them, since it's kind of a romantic spot, but I opted for my own enjoyment of getting to write the kids instead of being realistic and keeping them in New York with Jake's mom or something

I listened to basically nothing except this chenford playlist I made, the whole time. music on repeat is very effective for my writing brain :)))

I had a couple deleted scenes where Jake and Amy solve the whole case from the minivan, then Tim goes and busts Lucy out by fistfighting 3 guards at once in a superhuman throwdown brawl, but I went back and added those scenes where Lucy saves herself like the queen she is since she was feeling a little too Damsel-in-Distress and not enough Badass Officer (Detective) Chen, and I'm SO glad I did. It's a better story for the grandkids ;)

Also, in previous drafts Raymond Reeves WAS the villain. I was planning him as the thief who wanted to steal some diamonds or something, but it just wasn't gelling with my brain. I think I rewrote all the scenes with him and Marcia about 27 times before I was happy with it.

SPEAKING OF THAT DUDE!!! This is one of my favorite BTS tidbits :))) Raymond Reeves' backstory is that he has about 10 aliases that he uses and for ALL of them, the initials are S.K. -- Sanford Kain, Silas Kearney . . . Because S.K. stands for Serial Killer. He was so guilty about what he did to his brother-in-law, that he purposefully branded himself forever, subconsciously hoping someone would put the pieces together and he'd finally be arrested and punished for his crime.

Vesa Wescott was always going to be in on the crime from the beginning, I just didn't decide exactly how until Ronan Reeves came into the picture :)

This is very easily the first fic I've fully drafted out from beginning to end, and it STILL changed along the way!

I threw around the idea of Lucy going into preterm labor during the snowstorm, but figured that was kind of cliche and scary and unnecessary, and I'd rather have her working the case with Jake and Amy than anything else.

Oh, and Tim absolutely breaks his no-Disneyland rule for the Peraltiago fam :))) But given that I've never been to Disneyland and have no idea what it's like, I don't feel qualified to write that fic . . . Maybe someday!!

So yeah, there you have it!! I hope you enjoyed this episode of behind the fic with yours truly 😄

[ask me about a fic!]

[okthatsgreat]

hiii lee :) 🍀❤️🧠 for any oc you want to talk about!

GONNA USE ERIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also hiiiii lily hello hiiii :) everybody here wish my friend lily a happy early birthday ok

OC ASK GAME!!

🍀 - what originally inspired the oc?

pippy/erin was created for a danganronpa rp i was in and was developed a whole lot during that rp that shaped the character she is today!!!! BEFORE the rp when she was still a nameless character being used to fill out a cast of ultimates, she was floating around as either the ultimate voice actress OR the ultimate preschool teacher (who now is an entirely different guy lol), who was meant to be this very chipper, bright personality that provided levity to the group.

when i finally stopped being a pussy and decided to write out an application for the rp i decided that i NEEDED her to be in costume all of the time. like this is a cartoon character. ALSO what was really cool was this rp included the idea of a worldwide hpa program, which meant ultimates from different countries were encouraged, and immediately i was like OHHH I NEED TO MAKE HER AUSTRALIAN. I NEED TO BASE HER OFF OF EMMA WATKINS FROM THE WIGGLES. those red pigtails are DEFINITELY from her lmfao!!!! pippy also knows and teaches sign language as an homage to emma watkins as well :]

childrens programming ALSO inspired the rest of pippy's costume!!! her colour scheme is very bright and peppy, using a lot of "in your face" colours that made me think of a kid's colouring box and the australian kids show "Hi-5" that i used to watch ALL THE TIME AS A KIDDDD

her backstory was inspired by a few real child actors who acted as the primary breadwinners of the family and got denied their earnings, as well as being treated pretty terribly by the industry. jennette mccurdy's memoir definitely played a part as well. erin's personality is definitely an EXTREME (because its danganronpa lmfao) but a lot of what happened to her is based in reality

❤️ - what is one of your oc’s best memories?

a lot of what erin THINKS are her best memories turns out to just be memories of her success lmfaooooo. bc thats when the most people were happy with her!!!! which means during the killing game her best memories were likely linked to getting her very own show and being recognized as THE ultimate children's entertainer

in a beautiful universe where she has long since realised the extent of what she's gone through and processed a whole lot of it, her best memories would definitely be a lot more simple i think!! like learning how to drive a car or just hanging out with her close friends and feeling like she actually can just be totally herself for the first time :]

🧠 - what do you like most about the oc?

ohhhh pippy is so fun to write. i love erin and i know her being pippy is terrible for her mental health but pippy is SOOOOO fun to write LMFAO. like she is SO annoying. she is the girl in your 7am class who has already downed two cups of coffee and is talking loudly about bird facts. she is the girl who hugs you without asking and smiles without moving her eyes and constantly is at 100 percent energy no matter the circumstances. she has a fucking ukulele. that she brings everywhere. and she can improvise songs on the fly.

and the best part of it all?????????????? this entire time she could be annoying the shit out of you and calling you her best friend but unless you are seriously trying to cut through to her SHES PROBABLY FUCKING LYING LMAO. SHES ALWAYS MOVING SHE THINKS SHE CANT MAKE REAL FRIENDS. SO YOURE JUST SITTING THERE LISTENING TO HER PLAY HER COLLEEN BALLINGER ASS UKULELE FOR NOTHING BASICALLY