#gay blogger

[delicatebaby777]

I need a man to hold me, now.

[lgbtqiastan472]

[virginpornstar]

Gay Friendships Die At 30

Once my gay best friends turn 30 the friendship is over. Doesn't matter if we've been friends for 5 years or 15+ years. Gays want to start acting different and doing immature shit we weren't even doing in our 20s. I'd rather be former friends than fake friends. So once the fake shady immature bullshit starts, I gotta exit. Well make them exit my life.

The reason this friendship ended is so stupid, and I knew it was stupid from the beginning, but I can't repair things with someone on a mission to want to destroy them.

So my BFF (well former BFF now) and I were planning to meetup in LA. I was going to already be in California anyway or a work trip, and I wanted to go to LA anyway. I had a bad experience in LA last year, and I wanted a do-over. Plus I really wanted a picture with the Hollywood sign since I didn't get one last year.

My BFF was going to be in LA because he was flying to Asia with friends for his bday trip. Which I chose not to go on since I've never really had any interest in going to Asia. Plus the trip was originally supposed to be to Europe, but he randomly changed it. I was excited to go to Europe with him, since we had originally planned to go in 2020, but Covid happened. Plus I ended up going to Europe with another friend earlier this year, and had an amazing time.

Granted I never told him I was going to Europe until after I landed there. Which was shady and passive aggressive on my part. There's been a lot of shady and passive aggressive things over the recent years, which I'm sure slowly contributed to the demise of the friendship. It's like on Insecure when Molly and Issa fell out. It didn't just suddenly happen, but a gradual buildup. I'm definitely Molly and he's Issa.

Since we were both going to be in Cali at the same time, it made sense to be there together. Even though he basically told me I was inconveniencing him with hotel costs since he was planning to spend his first night there with some random guy he was talking to there, and then then the next night with his friends that were coming.

Granted...I don't even share hotel rooms with friends when I travel. The last friend I ever shared a hotel room with was him last year. When I travel with my other friends we get our own rooms. I prefer to have my own space. My job has me spoiled with my own hotel rooms, and when I travel I just prefer to have my own room. Plus I'm a slut. I love to be able to have a guy over whenever I feel like it.

Both of us were financialy strapped, and had put off booking a room as long as possible. I had sent him a suggestion the day before I left, but he said not to book it now. He was going to look the next day. Well I was already in Cali the next day, and was starting to get anxious about not having my next hotel booked since I had to be out of my work hotel Monday.

After I woke up from my nap, I saw he'd texted me that he booked a room at a hotel by the airport. I was immediately annoyed, because I don't stay by the airport. Usually airports are so far from everything, and everything I wanted to do in LA was in the Hollywood/West Hollywood/Beverly Hills area.

Granted LA is so big, that the airport isn't even that far or inconvenient, since everything is far an inconvenient in LA. I was looking at a hotel in Koreatown, since the places I'd originally wanted in WeHo/Beverly Hills were too expensive/taken now.

So I was like whatever. I wanted to book my own room anyway since I wanted the Hotels.com/HIlton points that I'm trying to upgrade my status before the year is up. Plus when he said he booked a room already the message said "if you're interested". I interpreted that as I have the option to still book my own room.

I tried to call him for clarity, but we were on different times. So I just booked a room at the same hotel for 2 beds to be safe.

Then when he woke up he told me he'd gotten that room for his friends, and he could get us a different room at the same hotel for the same price. I told him I already booked us a room.

Then he asked the price. It was nearly $400 for 2 nights, but the double bed room was more expensive than had I just reserved a single bed room.

Then he got pissed at me because I had already booked the room and it was more expensive than whatever random site he was using. I didn't want to use the site he was using, because I'm already loyal to Hotels.com, and also it's sketchy. It like shows you pictures of a room based on how much you're willing to spend, and you pick the one that looks best, and then it tells you the details of the hotel afterwards. WTF.

Also I wanted the room in my name since I'm already in Cali and would most likely be at the hotel before him anyway. I want to be able to just get there and check in, and not have to wait for someone else to get in my room. So that's easier if it's just in my name anyway.

Then he was pissed because he didn't want to pay more to stay at the same hotel where he could get a cheaper rate, and I wasn't willing to cancel because I already booked/paid for it, and I wanted my points to upgrade my status before the year is up.

Then he got booked that I booked something else when he booked something, but he'd already told me he just booked that for his friends earlier. Then I explain that I wanted to book something ASAP since I'm already in Cali and prices are going up each day we don't have something booked. Plus he booked something at a hotel without even asking me first. I was going along to get along, by just going for the same hotel, since there were cheaper hotels in other parts of LA.

Then he said I was "acting like a bitch, but what else would he expect" for saying the "if you're interested" leaves the door open for me to book my own room. Which is my preference. Then he says "girl fuck you" to me after I say I'm not being a bitch since I went with whatever hotel he picked to book a room.

I said "if I was acting like a bitch than I would've booked the cheaper room with one bed" but instead I paid extra to make sure there were 2 beds for both of us.

Then the next morning he texts me with a fake ass apology saying he was half asleep, and was mad because he thought I'd booked a room at a different hotel in another part of LA.

WTF. You clearly complained about the price of the room I booked at the same hotel you already booked a room.

He apologized for calling me a bitch, and then quoted neNe "well I said acting like a bitch".

I sent him a meme of Molly from Insecure looking annoyed. He then doubled down on being half asleep and claimed he reread the messages. Hence his apology.

WTF. You were mad about the price. It was very explicitly clear that I had booked a room at the same hotel, and also calling me a bitch and saying "fuck you" to me was a ridiculous response for this trivial situation.

So I was annoyed his apology didn't even match what was said. Like don't say you misinterpreted what I said, when you very clearly were upset about having to spend more money at the same hotel. I don't like bullshit apologies. Honestly I don't like apologies in general. I'm a Scorpio. I'm not going to forgive you regardless, so I'd rather you just not fuck up in the first place.

So then I say that he wasn't arguing about me booking at a differnt hotel, and he was mad about me booking a more expensive price at the same hotel. Granted I don't even know if he made sure to make sure he was booking rooms with multiple beds, or just going for the cheapest price, which would've been a room with one bed. I only think he apologized because of realizing he may not have booked a room with 2 beds, and had just gone for the cheaper price.

I didn't even want to keep this argument going. But I also wasn't accepting an apology that wasn't real. Like apologize for what happened, not make up some bullshit when the texts clearly say otherwise. He kept trying to say he was sleepy and thought I booked somewhere else on the other side of LA, when the words he texted me never mentioned any of that. No one is about to gaslight me into some bullshit.

Also don't tell me you "reread" the messages, yet what your saying was never mentioned in any of the messages. So I wasn't backing down, and he kept defending his lie. then he had the audacity to say all he's apologizing for is ccalling me a bitch, and then said if I think he's such a liar than we don't even gotta link".

That was the dealbreaker for me. We didn't talk for 2 weeks after that. That is some bullshit I don't play with. Like you're my best friend of 5 years, we haven't seen each other in 5 months, and we've talked about going to LA together for years. So you're going to just essentially abandon me in LA by myself, since he had his other friends he was traveling with coming, because he refuses to apologize for the bullshit he caused and the fucked up things he said to me.

I'm an only child, so I don't mind being on my own. I actually do better that way. Thankfully I had an amazing time in LA. Both nights I met local guys that showed me a great time. I had more fun in these 2 days in LA, than I had last year when I was in LA for 2 weeks.

I did everything I wanted to do in LA. I got the pics I wanted, and when sight seeing to see the places I'd not gotten to see. I went on dates, got dick, went bar hopping in WeHo, and even went to the dispensary. I had an incredible time in LA. Regardless of my BFF abandoning me.

But I still find it incredibly fucked up that he'd even be that childish to rather we both be in the same city at the same hotel but not speaking, because he refused to apologize for what he actually said to me.

Also that's such bum nigga shit to cause an argument to get out of paying for room. Granted I already paid for it, and got my wish of my own room with one bed, so I didn't care. But this is exactly why most gay friendships end due to trips. The broke friend causes all the problems, and then the friendship is over.

But I also am pissed because i knew this was a dumb argument from the beginning. I knew that. I was willing to move on, but I also wanted the apology to be genuine and not some made up bullshit. Even re-reading the texts now this whole thing is so stupid. Yet I'm not letting someone talk to me crazy, and then refuse to apologize for acting ridiculous.

He's an egotistical Leo, and I feel like after he moved to Florida and got his own friend group. he feels like he's Regina George now. In our friendship he was always the Nicole to my Paris. Guys have literally called him my "ugly friend" to his face. Now I never viewed him as my ugly friend. He has no problem getting niggas, but I was always the more social media famous of the 2 of us.

I feel like he's even more big headed thinking he's queen b now because he's "in charge of the girls" of his friendgroup. That ain't me, never been me, and I'm not afraid to be all by myself. I don't even do friend groups, because I am a selfish bitch and don't give a fuck when people hate me. I can't fake anything to get along with a group.

Which is why I fell out with my ex BFF of 16 years. His new friends didn't like me so he chose them over me. Once he had a huge 30th bday, and invited all of his friends from all over the country, but didn't invite or tell me about the party, when I had just taken him out to lunch for his bday the week before, then I was done. We're clearly not friends if you're not inviting me to your big milestone events you planned celebrating yourself, and then not even having the respect to tell me. I had to find out on social media. WTF. That's so childish, and high school. We're in our 30s. We weren't even doing fake shit like that in high school or our 20s. Yeah...I just saw the best option was to end the friendship.

Now with this. I didn't want to end the friendship. After 2 weeks of not talking I sent him the mughshot I found of Zimbabwe. He's the only person that I could talk to about Zimbabwe that would understand. I'd already given up on expecting my BFF to take accountability or genuinely apologize for what he really said. I was just ready to sweep it under the rug and move on. We'd already not spoken in 2 weeks, and we'd both been on multiple trips. We'd missed out on so much of each other's lives already, and LA has passed.

But he refused to move on. He said he's not ready to talk to me until we revisit our previous argument. WTF. It's been 2 full weeks...I don't even care anymore.

Then I say "I'm not sure what's left to revisit. You started unnecessary drama, refused to apologize for what you actually said, and then didn't want t hangout with each other in LA and we didn't...

Then he says "yeah I'm cool on you. So I was petty and responded with "k" and then blocked him everywhere.

I'm over it. LIke I'm not waiting for a 30 year old man to decide when he's ready to be my friend again, when this drama was caused by him.

I was rude and inconsiderate. I knew his financial limitations, and didn't care because I wanted to book my own room for my own benefits.

Still I don't think that warranted being called a "bitch" or having him say "fuck you" to me, on top of saying he didn't even want to see each other while in LA. That's the part that really pissed me off, because I would've never said that to my best friend. Like petty drama over money isn't going to make me want to not see you while we're in the same fucking city and haven't seen each other in 5 months. Then being in the same hotel at the same time, and not speaking. Like we both still had each other's locations and were in the same fucking hotel at the same time.

It's so stupid and petty, and we both decided to escalate the drama instead of neutralizing it. Well I feel like I tried to neutralize it. I said early on that I don't want to dwell on this drama, but I'd rather if he's going to apologize to apologize for what he actually said.

I hate liars more than anything. You're not going to lie and say you're mad over a reason which literally had nothing to do with anything you said the night before. Read the fucking texts. The whole convo was in text. Right there. You're clearly mad because you didn't want to pay more when you could pay less. Don't make up some bullshit saying you thought I booked somewhere else, and then keep doubling down on the lie.

He is being a Lying Leo. That's a fact. He's clearly lying. It's there in print. That gaslighting me bullshit is what really set me off. Like all you had to do was apologize for the truth, instead of continuing to perpetuate a lie. Then this could've all been avoided.

Then we're not getting that time in LA back. it's not like we can just go fly across the country again next week. Like to miss out on that time together that we aren't going to get back, over this dumb shit also really pisses me off. Like I would've never said I don't want to see you while in LA. Especially not over this dumb shit.

Then the fact that weeks have gone by, and I'm sending you messages and want to move on and talk like normal, and he's continuing to want to stay in this negative space and keep having the same damn argument.

Like you're still not telling the truth or taking accountability. Then on top of that LA is gone. We didn't see or speak to each other, despite being in the same hotel in the same city. There's no point still arguing over a trip that not only passed, but we both had other trips since then. Like it's the past.

All I wanted was to have my best friend back to gossip about more dead gays in Atlanta, and to talk about my ex that's been in jail for months.

Instead he wants to keep having this same dumb argument, and i'm over it. Again. I refuse to wait for a 30 year old man to decide when he wants to be my friend again. Especially when he's mad about the drama he started.

I don't give a fuck how mad you are...don't disrespect me by calling me a "bitch" or saying "fuck you" to me, and then saying you don't even want to see me while we're in the same city. I have blocked many gays for flaking on plans with me.

I don't think the disrespect I received was warranted with this petty drama, and then the fact you'd be fine just leaving me alone in LA because you knew you had other friends coming was fucked up. On top of refusing to move the fuck on when weeks have passed.

Yeah. Friendship over. This is so immature and stupid, but gays don't mature with age. Yet another of my closest gay friendships has died.

I'm also probably less motivated to salvage the friendship because I've been fucking this guy he really likes behind his back for months.

I really am a terrible friend. That's always been my biggest fear with gay friendships was having my friend fuck my man behind my back. 2 of my exes tried to fuck my BFF to get back at me, and he valued our friendship enough to resist.

Yet I was weak. Maybe not weak because it involved not temptation, as much as giving into dark urges to self sabotage. 2023 has been my year of chaos. Choosing chaos any chance I get. Blowing everything in my life up, and then finding order amongst the pieces.

I have no choice but to take accountability for my own actions in the demise the closest friendship I've had for the past 5 years. I'm still devastated things ended this way, or that I made the choices I made. I really thought he'd be my best man at my wedding...if that ever happens.

Yet that's the Scorpio way. We can't keep a friend...

[gaytravelinfo]

Come From Away - Providence Performing Arts Center

Come experience Broadway’s COME FROM AWAY, winner of Best Musical all across North America, at the Providence Performing Arts Center February 21-26, 2023. This New York Times Critics’ Pick takes you into the heart of the remarkable true story of 7,000 stranded passengers and the small town in Newfoundland that welcomed them. Cultures clashed and nerves ran high, but uneasiness turned into…

[ashtonderoy]

Pride Discussion thread from Bay of Quinte Pride Facebook Page. Is Bay of Quinte Pride a Scam?

Ashton Deroy ‘Awesome ‘entertainment” I just don’t understand why an entertainment company that promotes local businesses needs Volunteers.” Bay of Quinte Pride ‘Ashton Deroy thank you for reaching out. To clarify, we are not an entertainment company. We are a group of volunteers who spend a lot of time and energy putting these festivities together to help make our community a better place for…

[joeysthoughts101]

“I don’t want to (and I don’t need to)”

The world is changing. Social media has taken over. I don’t even know what the hell is going on anymore if I don’t check my social media accounts. But maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just not special enough for anyone to share anything personal with me first before sharing it with the world. And I guess that’s fine. I can accept that. But do I want to? Probably? It’s really just whatever. I hold zero resentment towards anyone if I was intentionally left out of any event or any conversation. Nobody needs to do anything to appease my strange desire to be secluded and invisible these days. I just like to be invisible. I don’t know man. I just don’t want to advertise myself as some sort of “cool guy” anymore and I sometimes find it very cringe that people do that on social media. Does that make me judgmental? Probably. But not for any other reason other than just wanting to be left alone. People might say, “It’s because you’ve gotten fat and you’re not as cute as you used to be. Your abs are gone and you have a fat face now.” Okay, fine. I’ll accept that too. But the truth is, no I’m not. I’m perfectly content with my weight and my looks as of right now. Right now. And if I say that out loud, would people believe me? I don’t know and I don’t care.

People change. I’ve changed. And this is me telling the world that I’ve changed. I used to rely on my supposed “good looks” and “hot bod” to get attention. I’m no longer that person. I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I’d rather have a nice juicy steak and lots and lots of creamy pasta goodness than eat a salad or count my calories. I just don’t want to do that anymore. And I don’t need to. And I love that about myself. I don’t want to go out to bars anymore either. I don’t need to impress anybody, and I don’t want to. Take me for who I am. Let me be the quiet one. Let me be the supporting character who rarely has a say in anything. Let me post and delete my content. Let me vent and let me make them disappear. It’s my choice just as much as it’s anyone else’s choice to share their personal situations on social media. Do you and I’ll do me. But that’s all it is. In my mind, it’s growth and it’s a personal decision I made to keep myself in a safe position in this “new” world. I refuse to conform.

But what the fuck am I even saying? Who am I even saying all of this to? I don’t know. I’m just talking to myself I guess. People like to insinuate that they know you and they get you by reacting the way that they do when you’re just saying things. When you just have an opinion that differs from the rest. But do they really know you? Do they really know me? Have they accepted the fact that people CAN change? That people can learn from their mistakes? That people can self-reflect and understand that they had to make a change to better themselves? Do they know all that? Do they accept all that? And does it matter? How do we move on if we continue to cling on to an idea that this person was ‘hella stupid!’ and ‘hella terrible!’, and has now actually made an effort to change for the better? Introspection is a hell of a drug, yeah? Because they now know they were a trainwreck in their past lives? In the stages of growth, regardless of how inconvenient or convenient it may be. Do people get that? Again, I don’t fucking know.

I just think that it’s a natural human thought process to never ever let go of how you knew a person, so it lingers. And subconsciously, we will never let go of that idea we have about someone because we probably have our own demons to conquer, so we deflect. And by deflecting, we are actually just instinctually protecting ourselves from feeling like a piece of shit, because oh shit, someone actually got smarter and more mature and I’m still in the same position I was 5 years ago. Our minds do whatever the hell we need to do to protect our own hearts and our own insecurities. So instead of seeing this change in another person, we would rather see this person as the person we used to know. But that person doesn’t even exist anymore.

And that’s what gets me.

[thebarefootcajun]

Two Strangers on a Roof

On a shingled roof repair job I noticed him

There were about five of us guys repairing this old lady’s roof

I believe her name was Mrs. Jeannice, pronounced, Jon nees

A really sweet old lady, she served us sweet tea with two lemon wedges all day long

That was some strong tea

If we liked she’d spike it with some of her homemade rye whiskey

Said it was the only way her husband liked his sweet tea

Now at 89 years old she herself looked not a day older than 59

I told her how good she looked

She said that it was the rye whiskey

She herself drank three rye whiskey teas a day

Her husband had drunk about 9 each day

And that old man, Mr. Leonice, Le o nees, had lived to be 99

I did roofing as a side job

Hell, everything I did was a side job

I liked to work

I liked to make money

So back to this guy I noticed

A burly man, clean, but never well groomed

He wasn’t a Cajun

He was a drifter come in from a place in North Louisiana

We’d been on this job for several days

It was mid July, hotter and more humid than ever

His notice of me was different

Like, he was in to me

Hmm, maybe it’s just those North Louisiana men

I thought with all those Baptist churches up there they might not be so

bold as to flirt with another shirtless guy on a roof

In the South pretty much we took chances

The burly man enjoyed distracting me

Built like a grizzly and furry like one, too

I was totally into him, too

He spoke étrange, ai traun gai, strange, as we said in Cajun land

Not that our Cajun French wasn’t foreign to a North Louisiana man

Not worried we couldn’t communicate

I’d made love to a Spanish speaker that I’d met on another job

Damn, it was good,

Cajun and Spanish both passionate love makers

Language of love works in all languages

About 59 this man was truly beautiful

At 49 I wasn’t so bad myself

Slimmer built, tall, and wiry are adjectives that come to mind about me

Truly, I look younger than my age, maybe about ten years

Maybe, too much of Mrs. Jeannice’s rye whiskey, ice teas with lemon wedges

[davidtellsall]

Could He Could Be The One?

Goodness what has become of me? I got from hot to cold to hot to cold, I’m worse than a whatever gets hot and cold fast, maybe as bad as southern California weather? Regardless, I am in likes again with a man that isn’t or is available, I’m not sure but he made me smile yet again.

I decided I’m going to go through with seeing him after all that, I’m going to see if I can make it work and try my best to do what I can to be okay with it and I feel like I can be. I feel like Rory in her college days dating Logan when they had no strings attached. The feeling is something I didn’t expect to feel but when someone makes me feel super special, I just don’t want to let the feeling go and miss out on an experience. Maybe I can steal him all to myself and pull a You Belong with Me moment and have a happy ever after to a man that may or may not be my man all to myself, and you better believe ill be singing Funny Girl in the shower about these feelings I am having.

“The fella said a funny girl, funny, how I ain’t so funny, funny girl” expect I am a guy.

[111starlight111]

[austinthink7]

Dear Gay Christian: Another Prayer

Dear Gay Christian: Another Prayer

A prayer for a gay Christian: May God’s love for you be undeniable. Let it be loud and bold enough for you to finally let yourself relax your shoulders and find peace.  May reminders of his grace be overt. I hope you can experience a consuming forgiveness that let’s you lay down all your insecurities, coping mechanisms, and shame. I pray that the fact of your inclusion in God’s family through…

[delicatebaby777]

I need something like this😭💕

[lgbtqiastan472]

me when men

[virginpornstar]

Branden's Top Realizations of 2023

2023 was a rough year for me. I had some incredible things happen, and had some amazing moments, but also had some hardships I had to deal with. That is life. With the good comes the bad, but all that matters is I made it through. Here are my Top 10 Realizations of 2023!

2023 WAS MY YEAR OF CHAOS

Eris is the Greek goddess of chaos and discord. This year felt like Eris possessed me herself to blow up my own life. If I had the option to choose to avoid drama or have drama, I went with the drama. I chose chaos every chance that I got. From getting canceled, falling out with my best friend, and even just having non stop petty arguments online and falling out with random guys I've never even met, I was having non stop drama and chaos this year. I wasn't the one to avoid any confrontation this year. I didn't give a fuck. With the chaos I endured in 2023, I'm hoping to choose peace in 2024.

2. ALL PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY

It's already been nearly a year since I got "canceled", and honestly I didn't really lose much besides 2 FwBs that don't even live in the same part of the country as me, and I only fucked both of them once.

It was inconvenient having to block 1300 profiles, and still having to block people. I still have poz black gays that have been on my block list nearly a year making posts talking shit about me, but whatever. They're going to be poz forever, so they're going to be mad forever. I have always believed that I don't care what people are saying about me, as long as they're talking about me. Getting "canceled" had more people talking about me than ever. Even with them trashing ever part of me and my existence, more people than ever were reading my blogs, watching my acting reels, looking at my posts, watching my YouTube videos, etc...getting canceled was fantastic for exposure. More people than ever know who I am.

I may be a bit of a pariah in the black gay community, but the black gay community is just a cesspool of HIV infected gays, fighting online and in person, can't keep a relationship, not educated or employed, bums begging for money, people living a lie, etc...

Plus the same week I got canceled, I saw the same people that were talking shit about me canceling even more black gays within the same week. This is why no one takes the black gay community seriously. Twitter/X is just an app with bitter black gays looking to terrorize and cancel other black gays.

I'm still employed, traveling the world, getting dick everywhere I go, and my followers are up on most platforms compared to before I got canceled. I didn't lose shit except fake people in my life. It was inconvenient having to block 1300+ profiles of people talking shit about me, but after those first 3 days the chaos was pretty much over and life resumed to normal.

3. THE BEST PART OF GETTING CANCELED IS THAT IT EXPOSED MY SECRET HATERS

"What other people think of you is none of your business' is one of my favorite quotes. I first heard it from RuPaul, and it's always stuck with me.

As a fem black gay man with a "valley girl" voice, I've been bullied my entire life for a multitude of reasons. There's nothing anyone can say about me that I've not already heard. It's true that decades of bullying does build thick skin. I am used to gays hating me and that's been what I've had to deal with from the majority of the gay community since high school. Then on a grander scale in college. Now on the grandest scale of the internet.

I had so many random people from my past coming out of the woodwork to jump on the hate train against me. Former friend's friends that I only hung out in a group setting like 2-3 times were writing entire essays of lies about me on Twitter. Saying how they always hated me, and here I am thinking um...I met you twice. I didn't like you either, but I also never gave a fuck about you to write an essay about you. I was disgusted how you and your man said you collect buckets of rain water and bathe in it.

Then I had former cowokers I never even liked that I only knew from being extras on various film/TV sets making posts about how they always hated me. Um...I never liked you, hence why I always avoided you and gave you the impression I didn't like you. I can't stand people that crave attention are and are loud and obnoxious, especially at work.

Then even cast members/producers of the ratchet black gay reality shows I watch on YouTube talking shit about me since they didn't like my tweets about their show, and also one was embarrassed since I saw him at the clinic and knew he was poz since the wasn't there on the same side of the clinic I was for people getting tested/treated for STIs. He was there for the infectious diseases doctors, aka poz. I didn't even know some of them knew who I was, but apparently they did enough to make posts about always hating me.

Then I fell out with some of my lovers that turned on me. Can't trust them fake ass weak ass Libras to be loyal when the world is against you. I really am not compatible with people that care what others think of them. That's why Leos and Libras are so compatible. They both are signs that care how others perceive them.

I'm a Scorpio. I don't give a fuck about anyone, but me. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, and nor would I ever turn on someone when the world is against them. I like you for you, and I dislike you for you. No one can turn me against someone, but the best part of getting canceled was knowing who couldn't wait to turn on me. On top of it also exposing who's poz. With 50% of the black gay community being apart of the Walking Dead, there's so many incubators of disease walking amongst us, and we wouldn't even know it. Had they not exposed themselves, literally and figuratively.

4. I WILL NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING AN HIV-NEGATIVE MAN

I spent most of my life scared of fucking, because I've been terrified of HIV. My worst fear is becoming poz, and I don't want to ever be apart of that black gay poz statistic. I don't want a man that's apart of that black gay poz statistic either. I will never feel guilty about that. It's also why I have no regrets about anything I said that got me "canceled". Since I've been saying those things for years. Just this is the first time anyone listened.

Plenty of others agree with me, they just were too scared to publicly agree. But they slid in my DMS to tell me they feel the same way. It's crazy how the diseased are so deluded and want to normalize everyone fucking people with HIV, and then attack and chastise anyone that doesn't want to fuck people with HIV. Yet not fats/no fems is perfectly ok in the black gay world, but as soon as you say you don't a man with an infectious disease that they got from their poor life choices, suddenly you're the problem. The gaslighting in the (black) gay community is astounding.

HIV may not longer be a death sentence, though the only thing keeping poz people from wasting away and dying of AIDS is their medicine. Hence why I call them The Walking Dead. Nobody wants that shit, or wants to deal with that shit. Yes HIV is preventable with PrEP and if peopel are Undtectable, but I still would rather be with a man that made smart life choices to prevent from ever being infected in the first place. I feel how I feel, and I'll never feel guilty about that.

5. PROFECTIONS YEARS ARE REAL

Profection Years are a combination of astrology and numerology. There are 12 houses of the zodiac, and each year of your life is apart of a different house. Each house represents a different aspect of life, and what will be the big theme of that year as you reach that age. It does seem unlikely everyone is experiencing the same thing at 30, 31, 32, etc...but I don't give a fuck about everyone else because it's been eerily accurate for me.

For 32 my profection year was that this would be a huge year of travel for me. It was. I took 23 trips this year so far! That's more than I've ever traveled ever before in my life. It also was accurate for 31 being a big year of death/rebirth/transition, and 30 was about relationship. I got in a relationship when I turned 30. 31 was about rebuilding my life post relationship since I feel like I allowed my relationship to distract me from certain goals.

My profection year has been on point so far, and now 33 is about my image and public persona. Which is so true. Since I gotta rebuild my brand/image after getting "canceled". Though let's be real. This world barely gives a fuck about gay people. They really don't give a fuck about black gay people. They certainly don't give a single fuck about black gays with HIV. So it is delusional to think black gays with AIDS have the power to cancel anyone.

6. EUROPE IS FUN TO VISIT, NOT TO LIVE

One of the highlights of 2023 for me was that I finally got to go to Europe! I went to London, Paris, and Madrid. It was a dream come true. I was originally supposed to go in 2020, but Covid happened, but I finally made up for it this year. I loved Europe, well not enough that I'd want to live there.

My friends that had been before said that being black is so much better in Europe than America, and Europeans love black Americans. Um...I should've known better than to trust the word of my black friends that only like white men.

I would never want to live in Europe. There's barely any black people, and the few that are there make it very clear they only like white men. Me in my early 20s, before I was into black men, would've loved Europe and probably been like "I want to move there". Me now, I like Europe to visit, but I'd never want to live there.

I like big men, which are hard to find in Europe. There's twinks everywhere. I love Madrid since it's a bear capital and they definitely had the sexiest men in Europe. Madrid had the least amount of black men I'd seen in Europe, but still was my favorite European city. London and Paris I found one guy in each city to get with, but Europe is fun for a visit, but definitely not where I'd ever want to live. If anything it made me appreciate being an American more.

I have black gay clubs, black gay spaces, black gay men of all sizes and shapes, and I have options in the US. In Europe, if you dont' want a white man then you're out of luck.

7. GAY FRIENDSHIPS ARE SO DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN AS I GET OLDER

I've fallen out with the 2 closest gay friends I've ever had within 2 years of each other. One was a 16 year friendship that ended after he not only didn't invite me to his 30th birthday party he spent months planning, but I had to find out about the party from social media. Plus I took him out to lunch the week before the party for his birthday, and he made no mention of it for me.

We were doing that fake shit like having parties and not inviting each other when we were in high school, and you want to start doing that in our 30s? Fuck that. I'd rather ben former friends than fake friends. Clearly if you don't want me at your own celebrations for yourself, then we aren't real friends. Also if you don't invite me to your party your planned because 2-3 of your 50 guests don't like me, then clearly you don't value me as a friend. So I ended it.

Then I just fell out with my best friend of 5 years. The previous friendship ending wasn't as big of a blow since we both clearly had moved on to new BFFs, and had been growing apart. Also with this friendship we'd been growing apart too.

We don't live int eh same part of the country. We don't see each other as much. Plus he made a new friend group, so he likes feeling like he's queen bee, though that shit doesn't work for me. I'm always queen bee, and not a sidekick.

We fell out due to a trip planning gone wrong, and he was financially challenged. Yet he picked the hotel, I just booked the room, but then he cursed me out because he didn't like the price and then refused to apologize for cursing me out. I don't have time for this immature shit. I am past that point in life of sharing hotel rooms with friends. I like my own space. I also am not tolerating a friend refusing to move on from drama they caused. Take accountability. Don't lie and say you misread a text, when you clearly were arguing with me about what you clearly read the night before. I don't have any tolerance for immaturity or fake shit.

It's sad to lose a friend, but sadly we outgrow people. Plus I was fucking a guy he really liked behind his back for months, so I was doing fake fucked up shit too. The friendship was destined to end this year. It's sad, but everything happens for a reason.

8. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DIRECTION I WANT MY LIFE TO GO IN

I'm torn for the first time ever. I've always been somewhere that's know what I want, where I want to go, and where I want to be. Yet now I have no clue. I know what my options are for where I want to move next. Yet I still can't make a final decision.

I could go back to Atlanta. I already have friends/acquaintances, jobs I can get back into, and know the city. Atlanta has changed a lot since I left, but Atlanta is still the black gay capital. There will always be options for men there, and I've had the most sex and best dating experiences in Atlanta. Biggest downside is way too many poz people. Where there's lots of black gays there's lots of HIV, and I honestly want that far away from me.

I could go to Chicago. Chicago is my favorite city. I love the architecture, and landscapes. It's exactly the type of city I love. Great public transit, walkable, but large, diverse, and I have decent experiences with men there. Biggest downside are the rough winters, and a lot of the people I fell out with after getting canceled were in Chicago. Granted it's a big city, so I don't have to see those flaccid woke warriors.

I could go to NYC. Growing up in the Northeast, the goal has always been to live in NYC. I think that's natural. Gays aspire to move to the biggest city in their region, and NYC has always been the epitome of the top of the list. If you can make it there, then you can make it anywhere. Plus I love New York N*ggas. Downside is the ridiculous astronomical rent. Yet if money wasn't an issue, I'd definitely choose NYC.

Lastly there's LA. I just don't see myself as an LA gay, even though this year I've realized I can be faker than ever, and I already have the "valley girl" accent. Even when I went to Europe everyone was assuming I was from California form how I talk. I do love that no one can tell where I'm from from my accent. Yet LA is so overcrowded, and there's so many crazy homeless people everywhere. Also I hate driving, and it's impossible not to drive there. Also the gays are so flaky, and I don't see myself happy in Los Angeles. Though I'm an actor and screenwriter. So LA will always be the best place to be.

I'm still figuring out which option to choose, but they're all so different. My life will look different depending on which city I choose, and no option I think will have the same outcome. Still I want to push myself to try somewhere new, but I also am terrified of picking the wrong one. Though if one doesn't work out, then I can always move. We shall see what the future holds.

[gaytravelinfo]

Annie - Providence Performing Arts Center, Rhode Island

Annie, the iconic Tony Award-winning musical to play the Providence Performing Arts Center January 31 – February 5, 2023. Sponsored by the Providence Tourism Council Part of the Encore Series Encore Series Media Sponsor: Cox Media. Tickets for the Providence engagement of the iconic Tony Award®-winning musical ANNIE are on sale now at the PPAC Box Office (220 Weybosset Street, Providence, RI…