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more of xu da's internet activity, placed thoughtfully (to me) in the reincarnated band au, featuring the most beautiful woman alive, one bug person crouched on the rooftop of the recording studio while ouyang is being Fussy downstairs, and the rarest creature ever to be caught on film: grumpy bitch ass smiling. permission to imagine esen, chin to chest, flopped on the couch, staring at ouyang's photo, ablaze with jealousy at all of his interactions with xu da, while wbx rubs at his temples in preparation for yet another oblivious, nonsensical sibling conversation.
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AA wives: Astarion's asshole is the wrong color!! My self-insert would never eat his ass if that were this color. You're not letting me roleplay eating Astarion's ass even a little bit. This isn't a roleplaying game anymore it's a morality simulator. You're forcing morality into the game by making a point about only eating a certain color of ass. Also you're kinkshaming me so much. I'm an adult. I will harass you about this until you give in.
Larian, on their hands and knees wearing a dog collar: Yes ma'am right away ma'am please send us the exact hex code of the color you want it to be and we will change it posthaste
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thinking about the narrative of clones “being made for the jedi” and there has to be a nonzero number of them that take the idea of ‘okay fine who is the diametric opposite of the jedi because stuff that’ and that’s how the lost battalion become the most fervent sith-sniffer-outerers in the galaxy. just turn up at dooku’s doorstep like, hi hello we’re your army let’s smush those jedi xoxo
and otoh this is playing into his master’s plan! wonderful discord!
otoh now he has two thousand badly socialised ten year olds tromping around his house and gardens what are you— would you put that DOWN— that’s not the right fork would you— okay everybody new plan, it’s time for the fine sith art of sitting very quietly while daddy deals with his headache okay
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The final Harry Potter book should have ended with the International Confederation of Wizards coming to Britain and setting up criminal trails for not just death eaters but ministry employees
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CLASSIFIED
HASA Interspace Investigation Coalition Investigator Reassessment Team
For: the Mission Critical Event Occurring on Stardate 2104.119
Stardate: 2104.123, Location: HCS Influence
Responses recorded using the Automated Question and Answer System (AQNA) aboard the HCS Influence.
Recorded responses enclosed.
Begin transcribed data.
Interview for: IIC Employee #7717
Stated Name: Hels
SESSION BEGIN
AQNA [Generated Text Question]: Please explain the events of [stardate 2104.119].
Subject (Hels) [Recorded Verbal Response]: Well that’s an easy question. We got ambushed, that's what f—ing happened. It was supposed to be a standard datum extraction from a site that was supposed to be abandoned, because nobody decided it would be a good idea to check again. So we got ambushed mid-mission. That's what happened.
AQNA: Can you elaborate on the event that triggered the call-back sequence?
Hels: What, you want me to draw you a diagram?
[No AQNA Text Question Generated]
Hels: So no diagram?
[No AQNA Text Question Generated]
Hels: The drop-squad successfully made ground contact after about half an hour of survey on our end. We assumed based off of initial information and our scans, that the site was uninhabited. I mean—it’s a decommissioned testing facility for something way more boring than what we’re usually sent for. Why the f— would there be… things living there. Things. They weren’t human. They weren’t me either. We triggered the call-back sequence because I watched everything go white so fast I thought I was seeing the inside of my skull. Ex is the only reason I got out alive. I’m sure he’s… thrilled.
AQNA: Were you unable to retrieve the body and equipment of [#7716]?
Hels: I didn’t see him. On account of the pulse grenade. Did you watch the footage, or should I be playing narrator?
[No AQNA Text Question Generated]
Hels: I don’t know where he is. I don’t know what they did to him. We lost all his vitals when the pulse fried our equipment at the site.
Interviewer: Can you elaborate on the status of [#7716]?
Hels: What do you mean elaborate? What—he’s probably dead. Is that what you want to hear? He’s f—ing dead. He’s dead, you piece of shit machine. Go ask somebody else what they think.
[No AQNA Text Question Generated]
Interviewer: Can you speak to [#6763]’s competence as potential squadron leader?
[No verbal recorded response available]
SESSION END
Interview for: IIC Employee #6763
Stated Name: Exania
SESSION BEGIN
AQNA [Generated Text Question]: Please explain the events of [stardate 2104.119].
Subject (Exania) [Recorded Verbal Response]: We failed to complete our extraction procedure. I was able to reach the data site within an hour of touchdown, alongside the rest of the team. We successfully retrieved the abandoned facility data within our allotted time frame, but on the way back to extraction, we were ambushed and caught in the line of fire of the inhabitants that had taken over the facility. I was able to successfully extract the bridge crew and one other member of the drop-squad.
AQNA: Can you elaborate on the events that triggered the call-back sequence?
Exania: We were attacked? Someone started shooting. Someone threw a magnetizer and a pulse grenade. The two other drop-squad members took a majority of the flash, but it was bright. Everywhere was... painfully bright. I don't have much more to say on that. I just acted in the best interest of the team as second in command.
AQNA: Were you unable to retrieve the body and equipment of [#7716]?
Exania: He’s dead. What did you want us to do? Retrieve a handful of charred up equipment? I don’t think so.
AQNA: Can you elaborate on the status of [#7716]?
Exania: He’s dead. That’s it.
AQNA: Can you speak to [#7717]’s competence as potential squadron leader?
Exania: #7717? I can't.
AQNA: Can you elaborate?
Exania: I can't.
AQNA: Can't? Or won't?
Exania: Does it matter?
[No AQNA Text Question Generated]
AQNA: Please elaborate on your specific involvement with the events of [stardate 2104.119].
Exania: I successfully extracted information from the facility on [REDACTED]. I successfully extracted my drop member #7717, Hels. We were unsuccessful at a full extraction of the entire crew. Look, did I not just say all of this? What's not clicking for you? I know you're just recording this answer looking for keywords. I'm not daft. I think we’re done.
AQNA: You're excused.
Exania: Thank you.
SESSION END
Interview for: IIC Employee #7716
Given Name: Wels
SESSION BEGIN
AQNA [Generated Text Question]: Please explain the events of [stardate 2104.119].
[No verbal recorded response available]
[No AQNA Text Question Generated]
END SESSION
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