Nothing will be spared
Chapter 2 - Good luck fingering oblivion
Notes: Whatever. *yeets this*. Don't squint too hard at this, and do not use this for AI.
Tags: dottore x fem!reader, reincarnation au, canon-divergent, angel reader, death, hurt/comfort, medium burn but it will go up in flames, teyvat speculation if you squint, written pre Natlan release
Minors, blank, and ageless blogs; DNI
Nothing seemed remiss as you soared, cool air calming the flurry of nerves that felt on the verge of combustion. It felt mocking. The best course of action would be to inform Her of what had transpired, She would know what to do, She had to. Despite the ringing in your ears and the countless assurances of faith that clawed to gain hold at your mind, you had yet to return to Her embrace.
From afar, the place of your creation resembled a painting, foreboding oranges bleeding into the violent purple of the sky, further highlighting the ivory spires that had remained unmoved for millennia.
How many sunrises had you seen since Zandik's soul had been returned to the earth? It would only be so long before you had to return to Her embrace, lest they all grow suspicious.
What would happen once you admitted to such a critical lapse of judgement? There had already been doubt and distrust in the hearts of the other watchers, with this as proof of your incompetence, they were bound to plead that you be removed.
Discomfort weighed heavily at the prospect of being without purpose, wings beating a little harder to keep afloat as you paced in circles, as though the repetition could somehow change the inevitability of the outcome.
Guilt festered in an unseen wound that often had you wondering if it was akin to the unrest Zandik's fractures would surely cause. However much you tried to convince yourself otherwise, it would be folly to meddle with the mortal's life without knowing of potential repercussions. You resigned yourself to watch him from afar, needing some way to soothe the ache of impending doom that had lodged itself between your ribs.
Once you were certain there was nothing immediately wrong you would return and repent, She would know sooner or later. The best you could hope for was a merciful sentence.
He should count himself lucky, he supposed, to have been born within the imposing walls of a flourishing oasis, food and drink never further away than the tug of a servant's robes. Music wafted through the air from below, breaking the static those memories imposed and instead carrying a hint of spice and pungent flowers into the room. It was the twelfth time these celebrations were held in his name. Still, they were far more pleasant than memories that were no use denying, instances where he swore he tasted ash atop his tongue and the scent of burning athel clung greedily to his soft linens.
Most days were spent inside the safety of the palace walls, sheltered from the churning unrest that prospered in the wake of their wealth. Teachers came and went, bringing every imaginable combination of tomes, models, maps, even rare samples of flora and fauna were brought before the boy. None of them awoke any interest rivalling rhe night sky and the mechanical constructions walking the streets, much to the chagrin of them all. Both topics something he could only observe from afar.
'Mature for his age' - hardly a complement and more of a curse from their lips, lamenting the difficulty he brought. That time spent in bitter complaint could've been put to use listening instead, perhaps if they listened, they could make sense of how memories he hadn't made devoured his mind one fragment at a time.
Soft fingertips traced along the cooling limestone, chin resting atop the windowsill as longing and impatience thrummed with ferocity as darkness swallowed the horizon. The latest tutor had been a spindly man, his crooked fingers tracing simple symbols while expecting Zandik to mimic the movements. What good was receiving lessons in a language you already knew? No matter how fervently he studied, the language that should flow within his veins felt borrowed atop his tongue.
As did the name they used for him. Not quite right.
It wasn't the one summoned to the forefront of his mind whenever he was forced to give it out to some stranger. He buried his head briefly into the comforting embrace of his arms.
Many things were withheld from him that much he knew; a father who seemed unable to remain still in his company, a mother whose eyes shifted between complete vacancy and deep sorrow, knowledge he was barred from attaining. They kept things from him, that much was plainly visible, why else would he be denied unsupervised entry into the studies? Wasn't it in everyone's interest that he knew their history, all of it?
Flames licked along the streets, countless braziers having been lit to serve as backdrop for the celebration. Reminding himself that they were braziers, not pyres, shouldn't have been as difficult as it was. His head ached, the dull thud reminiscent enough of knocking against a door that a wayward glance was cast, waiting with frustration for cold silence to be the only response.
Blaming incense and heat for the fits of madness that had haunted him since the first time juvenile eyes had fallen upon a celestial chart was easy enough.
The wooden door to his chambers creaked open without warning, quickly followed by a call of that foreign name, causing the boy to spin, crimson eyes wide with indignation in hopes of scaring off the intruder.
"I want to be alone."
As recognition settled, he knew neither petulant expression nor clipped words would be enough, the smug smile upon the guest's lips confirming as much. Every creaking step she drew closer seemed to reverberate through his being, the almost ethereal youth warring with the few comments he had caught of his grandmother's age.
"Do not dismiss me so hastily, little one. I merely caught wind that my most adored grandson had once more refused to participate," the glint in her eyes spoke of unmatched cunning, "we all want to ensure your comfort."
A dead silence ensued as she went to perch on the bed, expectantly petting the spot beside her as the surface of her skin rippled. Not pure energy, but close. He knew the jinn had served his grandfather, the matter of love was something they refused to touch upon with him. For all the memories he had, there was no recollection of seeing anything but pale amusement. 'Our love was sweet as honey'.
"I'm fine," he knew it was a poor lie, still reluctant to tear his gaze from the sky as he sat beside the jinn, "don't like crowds is all."
"There'll be no grand banquets once you're king?"
The thought of assuming such a position, one bathed in sunlight, made his stomach churn with unease, tainting the firmness of his voice so he resigned to merely shaking his head. Just the thought of being surrounded by loud cheers had his mind running amok, screaming about a doomsday he didn't know. His heart pumped a little harder.
Fingers combed through his hair with foreign gentleness, for a moment causing his vision to flicker as another took the jinn's place, the phantom gone in a feathery cloud.
"How very unlike your line, I'm sure the city will prosper under your rule," she chose her words too carefully, "whatever you bring to the throne."
Assuming a mantle of power had yet to become a tangible concept despite how everyone outside his family already bowed down. Much as the stars, it was dangled just out of reach, inciting a longing that ran deeper than the unspoken clefts between them. Liloupar was always moving, shifting uneasily as an errant leaf caught in one of the many aqueducts their golden lord had filled with life.
Eyes closed, the sting of a palm against his cheek was easily summoned forth, "Father won't even let me near."
Not a beat of silence was allowed to pass before her laughter rang out, tousling his hair with more purpose than before.
"Oh don't fret over the inevitable. A day will come where he must lay down the mantle. It happens to everyone, just as it will happen to you," a sharp pinch to his cheek accompanied the flicker of darkness, "in a long long time of course. History writes itself whether we want it or not."
He simply shrugged his shoulders, uncomfortable with the understanding in her voice and more than a little reluctant to engage. There was nothing to be done against her insistence, and soon enough, a servant had been called, bringing with them a wooden tray bearing two cups.
Crimson liquid sloshed up the sides of the cup, the drink deceptively sweet upon his tongue.
"Let me tell you a story, little one, of how you came to be," it caught his attention immediately, ignoring the bitter aftertaste now lingering at the back of his throat, "beautiful and kind, a delicate being descended upon this place-"
"The middle of the city? Wouldn't that have been-"
A rap to his free hand quickly dispersed any protests from the boy, and she continued with a satisfied hum, "Impatient little creature, this is long before any city stood here."
"I've heard this story a million times over already," he downed more of the crushed fruit, licking his lips and looking to the cup in her hands, grinning in satisfaction when it was relinquished.
"As I was about to say, she birthed life into these lands wherever she stepped, and formed bonds with other enlightened beings. A truly arrogant man refused to heed her warnings, and in her eternal kindness, she was lost to quell divine fury. Though we mourn her slumber, she remains with us in the blooming flowers and the gentle gaze of the moon, and one day, she will walk among us once more."
The full cup rested forgotten between his hands, eyes drinking in the starlight reflected in the Liloupar's eyes. His own thoughts had already begun drifting, caught on the last bit of her statement. 'Walk among us once more' had his consciousness diving into tainted waters, oblivious to the history lesson taking place. Though it certainly had more flourish, every tutor had already outlined The Mistress of Dreams' exploits.
"I helped your grandfather build this city after her passing, he was a beloved man back then," the beat of silence that passed wasn't enough for his thoughts to focus on her warning tone, "but you are even kinder and more brilliant already. Don't doom yourself to repeat our mistakes, many will offer you guidance, trust yourself, I'm certain you will lead our people to their destiny."
"I know my absence has been a burden upon you, believe me when I say it was not an easy decision," the falsehoods were honeyed upon your tongue, chest aching with shame as they poured forth, "thank you, Artiya"
Your fellow watcher's gaze remained unmoved as they marched you through gilded halls, unperturbed by the silent bustle of others. You didn't expect forgiveness readily offered, but the deadly silence was disheartening to say the least. After being away, the heavy note of styrax that clung to the air felt invasive in much the same way their eyes did when fixed upon you.
"Dozens of seasons have passed since your last appearance. Four souls were without guidance for far too long," crystalline needles pierced through your skin with every word, "were it up to me, you wouldn't have been allowed back."
There was nothing to say in rebuttal, knowing full well that abandoning your duty to observe, for you refused to recognize it as wallowing in anxious obsession, had no excuse. But wasn't it ridiculous that something preached as the pinnacle of protection would be so fragile? If a sentimental mistake could shatter the carefully spun fates, wasn't that all the more proof that the system itself was flawed? A sharp snap of metal against the marbled path scattered those blasphemous thoughts as though nothing more than dust.
Artiya gave a sharp nod, having come to a halt where the path widened into the grand platform where only She waited. So there would be no prying eyes this time at least.
Bathed in the pale light from the forever grieving moon, She would have appeared frozen were it not for the slight upward twitch of Her lips. With all the dignity of a wounded sparrow, you approached Her perch, lowering your head in submission and acceptance should She descend upon you.
"Dearest child, an explanation?"
She needn't utter more, the words having already begun to whittle down any ambition of masking your shortcomings. Having jeopardized a soul, and by extension the balance you'd sworn to retain, even if by mistake, was unforgiveable. It was with tar coating your throat, surely a reflection of your soul, that the words forced their way out.
"I was… Preoccupied," you swallowed as best you could, feeling deception rot your tongue and slur your words, "I only acted in accordance with my oath, I swear it…"
You had to wonder, how much had She already known? How much of the path had been preordained by the very figure now looking down upon you with the eyes of a scolding parent. Briefly, you questioned if Zandik had found himself under such a watchful gaze as well, pursuing what he thought correct while knowing disappointment, at best, was inevitable.
The brief glimmer in Her eyes betrayed that your waver hadn't gone unnoticed, and a hint of dread dispersed the musings as She spoke, "You know this is not enough," and you did, just as her next words were no surprise either, not that it lessened the sting, "your kin grow agitated and I am not immune to their persuasion."
She owed you nothing, and you should give Her everything in turn for being granted life. It was a truth carved into your bones, spun into your destiny - most likely it was the very foundation upon which you existed - and so the thought of failure drove itself between your shoulders and twisted. You had no right to blame a mortal soul for kindling warmth in your chest, not when sympathy was the fuel your own hands had brought in abundance.
"In a-" no, not a lapse of judgement, was it? "A mishap occurred, and I felt compelled to observe until I was certain nothing disastrous would come of it."
Yes. That was it. You did not take life but rekindled it, and the quick solution to the issue had been more than you could bear. Not if something was damaging them every time.
"'A mishap'. Had it not been prudent to request aid and inform me?"
Or had your faith already dimmed too much. The way Her fingers intertwined said it all. The sharp raise of Her brow as well.
You hesitated for a moment, praying it hadn't seeped into your voice, "I didn't deem it necessary to disturb you, Blessed Mother. Forgive me, I misjudged how long I would need-"
"Tell me then, did you give it an end?"
A coy smile played upon Her lips, utterly unfamiliar and vile, eyes further sharpened by the darkness that crept along the corners where the moon was unable to reach. It was gone as fast as it had appeared.
Fearing the sound of the admission, you shook your head, not expecting the single command She uttered.
"Then it appears your vigil has yet to come to an end. Leave no open endings."
There was no trace of appreciation for the way air warped and warmed around your body as you descended, everything muted by the questions that still sat unspoken on your lips. How much transpired behind those molten pools of gold? Every rustle of the breeze as you made for the dunes below whispered that She knew.
'Leave no open endings'
The words nestled under your sternum, sending out little shoots of something that left you breathless and with shaking hands, feeling the urge to lock your fingers around cool metal. You had Her blessing to interfere. No loose endings. No memories. A new beginning was something you were well versed in offering. Even if this felt wrong, Her judgement had to be correct.
Liloupar's embrace was the last place he could recall sleeping peacefully. Dreams had begun to invade his mind over the years as the emancipated populace cried out for aid, the weight of watching as his father refused them any more than the water flowing through their shining city. They had received the freedom they so desired, all been granted the right to chase their own destinies.
Upon reaching adulthood, it wasn't so much the exile that buried itself under his skin, no that had been clear for years from his father's mutterings about fate, but rather how his mother had emerged screaming and fighting with the guards holding her back, 'not another, I can't lose another' her endless cries shaking loose pebbles from the surrounding walls.
Five days had passed in the company of his own thoughts and the scorching sun. His brass mask lay discarded, cooling under the shade of a lonesome palm as he dipped his aching feet into the water. While there were many settlements, the need to put distance between himself and whatever would play out tugged at his limbs.
There was the desire to know, of course, what secrets had been guarded from even him. How did a man once praised for heroic deeds become so entangled in prophesies and speculations that he would throw out his own kin for nothing but a hunch?
'Zandik' had grown certain it had a connection to the vague memories that haunted him. There were mentions of communications between his grandfather and Amon, the possibility for divine wisdom to have passed into the hands of mortals remained present.
Water splashed against his skin, soothing the welts that had formed in places the scorching mask had touched. He had rations for a couple of days after the last trade, enough that he hopefully would not need to put the damnable thing back on before he had healed.
Shifting sand caught his attention, surroundings momentarily a blur as his head turned in alarm, fingers already reaching for the curved sword that would realistically be less than helpful in his hands should a real battle ensue. He held up his free hand to shield from the sun, squinting as they came more properly into view, what fool would be wandering about during noon?
A feathered cloak draped over the stranger's shoulders, an odd choice really. The plumage was too muted to have been plucked from the vultures he knew. Their attire looked entirely foreign yet well kept enough that it seemed unlikely they had been wandering for long. Sword raised in a tentative warning, he saw as their empty hands raised in a placating gesture. His movements faltered for a moment as confusion spread; they weren't carrying any satchels?
"Stay back," he hated how every syllable felt littered with sand, coarse and intrusive in his lungs.
It was a pleasant surprise when they obliged, "I carry no ill intentions, I merely wish to rest for a moment in the shade."
Their voice jolted him, the softness stealing the air from his lungs and sending him stumbling back into the water, only barely catching himself before any truly undignified display could ensue. If the voice was familiar, her eyes were hauntingly so, glittering with pieces the sky coaxed away and set into the sockets. If he looked close enough, would he recognize any of the patterns?
He hadn't even noticed the splash of his weapon slipping into the water, completely forgotten in the face of an uneasy tranquility surrounding the stranger.
No words left his lips, mind racing to figure out why there was such a painful nagging at the back of his skull as he sat back down in the shade, eyes tracking her unnaturally fluid movements with a vacant expression. Nothing moved like that in uneven terrain, not vipers nor scorpions, and certainly not any of the people he had seen.
There was no question in his mind, the certainty in his gut too intense to ignore lest he wanted to regret it forever, the subject would have to be approached, it was only a matter of method. It frustrated him to no end that he knew exactly how it would feel to lay his head in her lap. How it was to awaken to an unchanging sky encircled by lush canopies, soft grass underneath his palms despite never having seen such a paradise realized. Her fingers brushing through his hair and cradling his head close.
Only once the sun had moved several degrees towards the horizon did he breach the tentative peace, "Unusual to travel without supplies," he could only hope the suspicion was concealed enough to not be offensive.
The scorching heat of the sun was nothing compared to the weight of her gaze, in an instant searing through skin and bone to leave him uncomfortably bare.
"I merely carry what I need," a small smile tugged at her lips as they shaped those oddly soothing melodies.
That wasn't useful at all. A slight huff left him before an idea began to circulate; Liloupar always had an empty plate, the stranger could be one of the jinni sent to keep watch over him. How precious. With newfound confidence, he returned her stare with what he hoped to be equal intensity, the urge to laugh making itself known in a flutter upon seeing the way her shoulders rose with tension. This was a path worth pursuing. If she was a jinn, it made sense why there was a familiar feeling blossoming in his chest.
"And you simply don't need food and water?"
A disbelieving scoff left his lips when she gestured towards the clear pool of water in front of them, absolutely ridiculous. His eyes drifted over her form once more, brows furrowing again at the distinct lack of wear. There were no settlements near that she could have just set out from, that was why he'd initially picked this place for rest. More questions pooled in his mouth, frustration building when no reasonable answer presented itself.
"I am not opposed to answering, provided you ask the right questions at the appropriate time," her fond tone had his mind reeling, attempting to pin the source yet gaining nothing but a headache, "I promised to tell you everything in due time."
"You make lofty claims, I'll give you that much." he couldn't keep the sneer out, frustrated with the constant evasion, "do elaborate on the specifics of this promise as I have no recollection of seeing you before."
The faint shimmer outlining her body when he squinted was surely a trick of the light, or perhaps fatigue had finally caught up? Having been confined to luxury for two decades was hardly cause for complaint, but it did leave him uncomfortably vulnerable. Perhaps that had been his father's ploy from the beginning.
"That's not entirely true, is it Zandik? What was it they called you now?"
His twitching hand and sharp inhale betrayed him, heart pounding in his ears as everything froze. There was nothing but the echo filling the air with the same fervor as panic spread from his chest, head shaking vigorously from side to side. No one had known, had they? He'd always kept it to himself, the mere thought of speaking the word causing a disproportionate unease. One he'd chosen to heed anyway. Even her voice did little to clear the tempest now enveloping him.
"I made a mistake, and I do not wish for you to suffer for it."
There was a profound sorrow clinging to the words as she rose, illuminated by the sun she cast a shadow towards him, eyes glowing even as her face was in shadow. It set him off, hands digging into the sand as he thrashed to get up, get away, run, crawl, anything to get away.
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