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princesspastel8 · 4 months

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Chapter 43

Third POV

It's been hours, but to Jeff, it feels like years. Most of the proxies left due to missions or losing interest in the situation once they knew Jeff wouldn't try getting into the room again. BEN stayed behind, trying his best to comfort him.

"....nothings been determined yet Jeff. She might be -"

"The fucking machine flat lined dipshit just...just shut up..." he whispers, voice shaky.

He has lost all his strength to fight back, that was until he hears footsteps rushing down the hall. He glances up, seeing Hoodie, that gloomy girl, the witch, and Toby. The sight of Toby makes his blood boil. Jeff staggers to his feet. Without hesitation, he pushes past everyone and punches Toby in his cheek, knocking him back against the wall - goggles slipping down his face.

"You... you were supposed to be watching her!" He shouts.

Toby straightens himself back up. He looks at Luna, shaking his head. He didn't want her to intervene. Toby focuses his attention back to Jeff, spitting blood onto the ground.

"S-Something.....came up.." He mumbles, glancing at Luna again.

"What the fuck can possibly be more important than MY GIRL!?" Jeff shouts, trembling hands moving to grip his hair again. "Goddamnit! Why did I put trust in a ticking freak like you!? All you had to do was watch her you-"

"A-And all you had to do w-was get your sh-shit together. You didn't. I t-told you she was getting worse. D-Don't stand here and play victim. Y-You played the b-biggest role in all of this. The one at f-fault is you." Toby said, his tics getting worse.

Jeff, of course, didn't want to admit at Toby's right. Jeff said he wouldn't point fingers, but guess old habits die hard with him rather quickly than others. The guilt is becoming too much for the smiling killer to handle. It shouldn't be surprising. Jeff never felt guilt towards any of the things he's done. In his mind, he's always right - never wrong. Every decision, be it good or bad, is always justified no matter how twisted it may be.

"Must've seen it all then?" Jeff questions, moving away from Toby to lean against the opposite wall.

Toby nods, pulling his mask down to his neck. "I-It was fucked up. That v-video..." he glances at the door, sighing heavily. "I-I knew she would d-do something extreme. S-So I came back to regroup, make sure slenderman was gone. B-But as I said....something came up so-"

"You had Hoodie break me out. Yeah yeah...I get it." Jeff glances at Luna, "it was her, wasn't it?"

Toby doesn't respond, Jeff getting his answer once the gloomy girl breaks down into tears - Hoodie wrapping his arms around her for comfort. A heavy silence falls over them until Iris speaks.

"Sh-She called us...o-over and over again, but I-I...I..Its my f-"

"That wasn't you." Hoodie said sternly, pulling down his hood and taking off his mask. He places his hands on Iris cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe her tears. "That. Wasn't. You." He whispers more softly.

The sight is quite shocking. Jeff can't recall Hoodie speaking more than that. Jeff couldn't help but chuckle bitterly, shaking his head. He glances around everyone.

"Look at us. Killers gettin' all soft for bitches." He laughs, sighing afterwards. "And the ones we were supposed to kill no less."

"It was Zalgo, wasn't it?" BEN ask randomly, all heads turning to him. "Toby said something came up, that girl keeps trying to blame herself, and the witch is here - Slenderman must still be gone too."

"Something along those lines....yes." Luna admits.

Toby's eyes widen. "Luna y-you know you -"

"I already shouldn't be here, Toby. There is no harm in leaking a bit of information."

"But t-that'll-!"

"Toby....I told you it's fine."

It's not fine. Even Jeff can tell that much - but this shit isn't any of his business. He doesn't care about Zalgo, never had - though things could've gone much differently if he encountered him first before slenderman, just a random thought, though. Eboni is his main focus right now.

"It's my fault." Jeff said suddenly, everyone looking at him with widen eyes.

".....I think I'm hearing shit. Did you just....take accountability?" BEN questions, gasping dramatically.

The smiling killer shrugs, glancing at the door for what felt like the hundredth time. "What can I say? Got a soft spot for the bitch on that medical table."

For the first time in Jeff's life, he's taking responsibility - accountability for his actions, the ones he regrets. He should've never left to beat Masky. He could've done that at a later date and warned Eboni beforehand. He should've waited for Eboni to give out more information on the guy that hurt her. He shouldn't have fed into Masky's taunting nor pushed his buttons either. So many should've, could've, and would've - but these thoughts won't change nor erase what has been done. So all Jeff can do is wait for those three to finally deliver the bad news to him.

A new set of footsteps walks down the hall, approaching the group. The stranger has on a long navy trench coat that looks worn out and a striped scarf that seems perfectly stitched - yet this stranger as snitches edged all over their face.

"Never thought I'd hear my brother admit to being at fault of anything. What's the special occasion?", Liu Mason asks with a calming smile.

Jeff looks at his younger brother, his mood souring very quickly. He isn't the mood for this - not here, not now. So the smiling killer refuses to acknowledge his brother's presence, staring at the medical door.

"Wh-What are you doing here, Liu? Now I-Isn't a good time." Toby sighs, pitching the bridge of his nose. No one wants to deal with Sully.

"I've been hearing....a lot of things about my brother - things I just couldn't believe. Jeff, my brother, caring about another human being? Sounds impossible on this God forsaken earth. I thought it was a joke, a rumor that'll fade... but they disagreed, so here I am. And to say I'm surprised would be an understatement..." Liu said, his voice still an eerie calmness to it.

Jeff tenses, fist clenching in his pockets and jaw tight. He marches over to his brother, yanking him by his collar - carefully avoiding the scarf, their mother's scarf. "I swear on my fucking life if you touch her, harm her in any way I'll-"

"You seem to be doing a fantastic job of that already. Look where we are, and if I'm not mistaken, she's barely clinging to life." Liu hums smugly, holding his hands up defensively.

Being reminded of this again was enough to send Jeff over the edge. He brings his fist up to strike his brother, who's a few itches taller, but Toby quickly yanks Jeff away - pinning him against the wall to keep him in pace.

Liu's demeanor softens at the sight, a remorseful look taking his features. He rubs the back of his neck, sighing. "Oh...I see - You really do care. Wow Jeff...they were wrong, I'm s-"

Jeff knocks Toby off of him, moving to push his brother. "Shove your 'I'm sorry's' up your ass Liu! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" he shouts, moving to pull his hair again. "I know it's my fault! I know I fucked up! I know I should've stayed! I know she needed me! I know I'm just a selfish, narcissistic piece of shit! But...I needed to hurt him. I would've lost my fucking mind if I didn't let the anger out! Fuck...FUCK! DAMNIT! Those messages...she sent one every-fucking-day. My girl has gone through the worse hell of her life...all because I couldn't fight this...th-this... " Jeff places a hand over his chest, gripping his hoodie. He looks at his brother, tears in his eyes and woe filling his heart. ".....why does this shit hurt so damn bad?"

Liu is amazed yet startled by his brother's outburst. If anything, he's intrigued. What did this girl have that Liu didn't that makes his brother care so much? Why didn't Jeff hesitate in attempting to kill Liu but regrets aiding in this girl taking her life? What's the difference?

"....because you love her, Jeff. The only person you've ever cared about has always been yourself. Who knew you had the emotional capacity to feel for someone else....strange really..." his green eyes darken, becoming empty soundless sockets.

Love....?

Love...

Love-

No way in hell

That unspoken word between the two. Remaining in the air during all of their interactions. Sure, he has strong feelings for her, but love? Jeff isn't capable of that. He'll never be capable. He's been told this many times throughout his life - so much so that he believed them. Someone like Jeff, despite what others may say, doesn't have the heart to love - nothing will change his mind. And yet.....his stinging heart is crying out a different story - his body being torn in two, between the brain and heart.

"....this shit fucking burns."

"I know."

"I hate it."

"Mhm, I know."

"She's a weakness....its a weakness.."

"Ones that others can use against you - right?"

Jeff nods, aimless tears flowing. "A weakness. But..."

"But?" Liu hums, waiting for his brother to continue. He needs to know more.

"She should be enough...Eboni should be enough."

"But she'll never be. You can't let go of your need to kill. Your thirst for blood." Liu looks away from his brother briefly to glance around at the others. "None of us can. It's in our DNA. Programmed - as cliche as it sounds." He sighs, rolling his eyes. He pays his attention back to his brother. "But unlike them, you're struggling to come to terms with that fact that you still need this girl in your life. You love her, Jeff, whether you want to admit it or not. But the sooner you do - the less fuck ups you'll cause." Liu shrugs, struggling to come to terms with this himself.

His brother never cared about him. He only tolerated him. He killed their parents in cold blood without an ounce of regret because he never loved them. Most monsters are made, but Jeff is the few exceptions. Yet this girl somehow made a monster cry out to her - kind of reminds Liu of 'Beauty & The Beast'. He'll confirm his theory if he's able to get a glance at this mystery girl.

"Think about it, Jeff - if you don't love her, then think about all the reasons she's been worth keeping around."

Jeff did so unwillingly. He thinks of her bright smile, those sly grins when certain thoughts fill her mind. The smiling killer always found it funny how the girl thinks with her face. Doesn't matter how hard she tries to keep a straight face. That's how he's been able to read her so easily. Her voice wasn't annoying like most. It's calming, silky smooth to his ears. He wants to hear her sing again, preferably to him. Her laugh - he can listen to it for hours even if she believes she sounds like a dying donkey mixed with a hyena. He likes her honey brown eyes, how they seem to lighten or darken depending on her mood. The way she'd look at him, the look of admiration - adore and dare he say love? She makes him feel wanted, needed, and free to do what he wants with her since he has no control over his life. Freedom and control. Only Eboni has given him that....

"I don't fucking l..lo..lo- fuck you Liu!" Jeff shouts, drying his tears yet has a sad smile on his face.

Liu sighs, coming to a realization. The only way someone could keep his brother entertained long enough to avoid death is offering something in return. He knew how trapped his brother had been feeling lately after being forced to work under slenderman. Liu also was aware of how trapped and strained Jeff felt within their family. This girl somehow gives him the sense of freedom he's been longing for and the control to feel powerful. It's unfortunate that he'll most likely never get to meet her -

The door opens, revealing Eyeless Jack with a medical mask covering his mouth. He removes the mask, quick to close the door behind himself. Though eyeless, everyone can see how exhausted he feels. EJ looks at Jeff, body stiff as he finally delivers the news the smiling killer wanted so desperately to be good.

"She's stable."

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sleepdeprivedsimp234 · 10 months

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HERE HAVE SOME MORE GOV-ANGST CHILDREN TAKE IT AND RUN BEFORE GUESS KILLS ME- (/j)

PA walked into the Main Floor Kitchen where he saw Gov standing and making coffee. The younger seemed to be frantically sending texts to multiple different people, and the Keystone State tried to ignore how tired and exhausted and just- done. Gov looked. It hurt to see his son like this, but PA wouldn’t admit it.

He walked over to the cupboard to grab a cup, and he noticed that Gov, who was right next to him, flinched when he raised his arm up to grab a cup. Huh. Weird.

"Gov? Ya good dumbass?" PA asked with a slight snort. He looked to Gov when the younger didn’t give an answer. Gov seemed to be zoned out, look at the kitchen counter if all places. He roughly poked the taller in the ribs, trying to gain his attention. Which he did, but Gov flinched and gave a small yelp. PA gained a more serious (CONCERNED-) look on his face and started prodding around random areas of Gov’s torso, seeing if maybe he was hurt.

"Eep!- Pa- - I mean- P-Pennsylvania stop!!-" Gov squeaked out, trying to get away from his father’s hands.

"Shut up and tell me where yer hurt!!!" PA shouted, grabbing Gov’s shoulders. He tried to ignore the terrified look in the younger’s eyes when he raised his voice.

"I-I’m n-not hurt! I just thought that-….” Gov cut himself and trailed off, which only made PA more annoyed.

"Well?? Spit it the f*ck out!!" PA shouted again, not realizing that his anger and shouting was scaring the taller personification, who had backed into a corner. PA simply followed Gov into said corner, awaiting the younger’s answer.

Gov teared up a little and flinched again, putting his arms up a little as if to protect himself. "I-I thought y-you were g-gonna hit me…..”

PA’s face instantly softened a bit, and he gave Gov a confused/annoyed look, "Why the hell would I bother with hurtin’ you?? Are ya stupid or some sh*t?"

Gov at this point looked like the equivalent to a small frazzled kitten as he responded:

"Y-yes- w-well no I just thought- I uh….. i don’t know I don’t know…-" Damn. His breathing sure sped up a lot.

"Hey hey hey….. shhhh….. breathe okay? Can yer dumbass do that?” PA said, gently (or at least as gentle as he could-) guiding Gov into a sitting position on the kitchen floor. Sh*t- what next- PA didn’t necessarily know what to do here. So he just opted to gently rub Gov’s back and try to get his son to do some breathing exercises to calm down. That sorta worked, but Gov was still panicking and crying a bit. PA sighed and pulled the taller man into his lap (dw PA ain’t that tiny. He’s 5’8 and Gov is 6’1-) and hugged him close, laying the younger’s head on his chest.

Gov eventually calmed down, and only a few tears were rolling down his face as he was held and hugged by the man he called his father. He sat there curled up and closed his eyes as he listened to PA’s heartbeat, which aided in calming him.

"Kid? Ya good now?" Asked PA, who was trying to make his voice calmer and quieter.

"I-I think s-s-so…..” Gov squeaked when he felt a gentle hand rubbing his arm in a soothing manner.

"Okay….. Good enough to answer more questions?"

"Yeah….."

PA moved his hand up to gently run his fingers through Gov’s hair, a tactic he always used with Massachusetts (YES I SHIP THEM LEAVE ME BE 😭) to calm him down on a rough day. "Alright….. Why the f*ck didja think that I was gonna hit ya?"

Gov was silent for a few seconds, but he answered: "I-I dunno….. you always act like yer gonna….. and you were mad and yelling I just t-thought t-that y-y’know-“

"Hush…. Yer gettin’ worked up again moron." PA said, giving a small not-very-well-hidden chuckle. "As for the…..hittin’ ya thing….. I know, I know I act like I’m gonna hit ya…. But ya know that I would neva’ actually hit ya right?"

"…."

"Gov, yer my kid. I would neva’ physically hurt you unless it was absolutely necessary. Like- if ya were attackin’ someone. Which- you wouldn’t do. So ya don’t need to worry about me hurtin’ ya. Ya got that?" PA asked, switching to gently scratching Gov’s scalp. He smiled a tiny bit when he heard and felt Gov’s little purrs of bliss.

"Mhm…." Gov sounded rather unsure of his answer, and PA could tell.

"Gov?"

"Hm?"

"Do ya actually get it?"

"…..*sigh* yeah…."

"Okay. Good. Glad I got that through that thick skull o’ yours." PA said. He gently nuzzles the top of Gov’s hair, and he continued to hold him until Gov fell asleep. Good.

@greatinternetllama :)

And @misery-has-no-company-now I tortured him :3

#welcome to the table #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #wttt #wttsh #wttt gov #wttsh gov #wttt pennsylvania #wttsh pennsylvania #wttt massachusetts #< prev tags #but he’s only mentioned.#LISTEN PA IS TRYING OKAY 😭#he’s just doing a sh*t job at doing it-#BUT HES TRYING

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aquatixwitch · 8 months

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So, on December 28th, I was hired to do my first professional walkthrough and cleansing as a witch and intuitive medium. It went well; it was a hospice facility, so as well as such a transitory place could go. But I surprised even myself.

Highlights include:

Me, to a young male (black) nurse: yo, you. Were you raised by your grandma?

Him: *jaw drops* Yeah man, how'd you know?

Me: because she's here and she's telling me over my shoulder that you've done good and she's proud of you for gettin outta trouble. She was bigger, right? Like a big ol southern black lady.

Him: Whoa. O_0

Nurse, explaining to me about all the activity and feeling of being watched in the laundry room.

Me: well you got about 10 people here whose families never claimed them, right? They like it here because it's quiet. They all just talk and then hush when you ladies come in because they know it creeps you out.

Nurse: OMG.

ME: *stops in front of a room* ...someone just passed here. Like. Two days ago?

Nurse: Yeah, omg. *thinking she's getting clever* How though?

Me: She fell. But that was secondary to what --she? She died of. She had pneumonia or something because I'm having a hard time breathing here. So.. aspiration pneumonia?

Nurse: now I'm freaking out.

Me, getting a sharp stabbing pain in my back in the nurses office while I'm cleansing: whoa ok. Bad jubies here. Okay I'm hitting this on the way back through again.

Me, when I come back again, the pain is gone: okay ...*Poltergeist lady voice* this house is clear. *Regular me voice* but some bchz in here are playing around with stuff and bringing nasty stuff to work with them. Knock that sh!t off. And ffs put some plants in here jfc.

I saw other very creepy things while I was there, but the worst one I saw was attached to a person, not the facility, and I said to the administrator in plain English that it was beyond my scope to get rid of it, because the resident is A) catholic and b) in that context...is oppressed and frankly needs an exorcist. I told them if she has a local priest come, which she apparently does, to give said priest my advice. Whether they do or not, we'll see, I'm scheduled to go back in six months when I'm off work in the summer.

It was intense, and exhausting. It takes a lot outta me to do a cleansing on a place that big. But it's newer, so if the facility follows up regularly, which I showed the admin how to do, it should stay relatively light and peaceful... for a hospice.

I think large places like this are gonna be a rare exception tho. Houses I can do...ish. Hospitals and such? Too much too often would probably kill me.

#thoughts #text post #word vomit #witchy #book of shadows

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soulsxng · 9 months

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@arcxnumvitae replied to your post:

Yeah, you know what, I’m going to make it even harder for me to forget my fae are here too, Eilidh’s winking at both Io and Fisette

"A'right, kitty cat, spit it out. Why're we gettin' word tha' Elyki's causin' trouble in Ahnia, huh? 'Parently, they caught a few 'a yer fellows there, so there's no point tryin' t' deny it. Quicker ya fess up, the quicker we can clean up the mess."

"Like I already told Pythius and the other Vash leaders, I d'nno what that was. Do you really think I'd just be hangin' around here like this if I did? Zahine went to talk to Mattias, and called all the others to come home, and that's all I know so far."

Fisette's brow furrows, and though her mouth opens to retort, no sound leaves her. Instead, the manticore Aifaen watches as the smaller woman's face reddens, tentacles stiffening, and then scrunching forward. As if Fisette wanted to hide herself with them, only to stop short.

Io in turn looks over his shoulder, just in time for the apparent cause of Fisette's sudden embarrassment to wink at him, as well. He couldn't help the knowing grin that curved at his lips as he spoke again.

"A beautiful woman winks at you, an' you get that badly sidetracked? That's a surprise for someone that's usually so collected."

"Sh-shut it! 'N don't look so pleased with yerself; I ain't done with ya, yet! Sorry, m'lady, you're one'a the visitin' fae, ain'tcha? Did'ja need help wi' somethin'?"

#arcxnumvitae #[Fisette -threads-]#[Io -threads-]#[royalty verse]#Fisette is a disaster bisexual #Eilidh is gorgeous and she's flirting with /her/?#Fisette is immediately blue screening #meanwhile Io is ready to flirt right back

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my-chaos-radio · 2 months

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youtube

Release: January 7, 2003

Lyrics:

Go, go, go, go, go, go

Go shorty, it′s your birthday

We gon' party like it′s your birthday

We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday

And you know we don′t give a fuck it′s not your birthday

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub'

Mama, I got what you need if you need to feel a buzz

I′m into having sex, I ain't into making love

So come give me a hug if you′re into gettin' rubbed

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub′

Mama, I got what you need if you need to feel a buzz

I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love

So come give me a hug if you into gettin′ rubbed

When I pull up out front, you see the Benz on dub (uh-huh)

When I roll 20 deep, it′s always drama in the club (yeah)

Y'all heard I roll with Dre, everybody show me love

When you sell like Eminem, you get plenty of groupie love

But homie ain′t nothing change hoes down G's up

I see Xzibit in the cut, man, roll that - up (roll up)

If you watch how I move, you′ll mistake me for a player or pimp

Been hit with a few sh-, but I don't walk with a limp (I′m a'ight)

In the hood in L.A., they sayin', "50, you hot" (uh-huh)

They like me, I want them to love me like they love ′Pac

But holla in New York, for sure they tell you I′m loco (yeah)

And the plan is to put the rap game in a chokehold (uh-huh)

I'm fully focused man, my money on my mind

I got a mill′ out of the deal, and I'm still on the grind (woo)

Now Shawty said she feelin′ my style, she feelin' my flow (uh-huh)

Her girlfriend with her, they bi and they ready to go (okay)

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub′

Mama, I got what you need if you need to feel a buzz

I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love

So come give me a hug if you into gettin′ rubbed

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub′

Mama, I got what you need if you need to feel a buzz

I'm into having sex, I ain′t into making love

So come give me a hug if you into gettin' rubbed

My flow, my show brought me the dough

That bought me all my fancy things

My crib, my cars, my pools, my jewels

Look homie, I done came up and I ain′t changed (what? What? Yeah)

And you should love it, way more than you hate it

Oh, are you mad? I thought that you'd be happy I made it (woo)

I′m that cat by the bar toasting to the good life

Moved out of the hood right, you're tryna pull me back, right?

When my joint get to bumpin' in the club, it′s on

I wink my eye at your chick, if she smiles, she gone

If the roof is on fire, man, just let it burn

If you ain′t talking 'bout money, homie, I ain′t concerned

I'ma tell you what Banks told me, "Cuz, go ′head, switch the style up

If they hate, then let 'em hate, and watch the money pile up"

Or we can go upside your head with a bottle of bub′

Come on, they know where we be

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub'

Mama, I got what you need if you need to feel a buzz

I'm into having sex, I ain′t into making love

So come give me a hug if you into gettin′ rubbed

You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub'

Mama, I got what you need if you need to feel a buzz

I′m into having sex, I ain't into making love

So come give me a hug if you′re into gettin' rubbed

Songwriter:

Don′t try to act like you don't know where we be neither

We in the club all the time, it's about to pop off

Shady Aftermath

Andre Young / Curtis Jackson / Michael Elizondo

SongFacts:

👉📖

Homepage:

50 Cent

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fidelissimi-moved · 3 years

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my son woke up and went looking for his sister, who is at their grandma’s house for the weekend, and asked where she was and why she wasn’t up yet. he didn’t realize it was a weekend and he didn’t have to be up at 7:40 in the morning to go to school. XD

#000. out of character ( dorie just keeps swimming )#i've been up all night #playing among us #so im not gettin' sh*t done today

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littlelanguagefox · 6 years

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OH MY GOD I DID EVERYTHING IN MY IMMEDIATE TO-DO LIST WITHOUT PROCRASTINATING AFTER CLASS!!??!! WHATEVER IT IS YOU GOTTA DO TODAY I HOPE THAT YOU DO IT AND FEEL HAPPY WITH WHATEVER YOUR ACHIEVEMENT IS TODAY LOVE YOU ALL BYEEEEEE!!!

#high fives for me #studyblr #a good thing #langblr #gettin sh*t done #whoop whoop #guess who gets to do things without guilt tonight #this girl #shinee #shinee gif #onew #jonghyun #happy times #wow i'm in a good mood #let's get this bread #achievement unlocked

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ihatebnha · 2 years

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Would Bakugou tell you if your cookings sh*t? Or would he hide how he really feels to make you happy :

A) "not too bad,, heres what you could change"

B) "never go into my kitchen again, i aint even giving this to the dogs babe"

C) *tries to eat as much as he can stomach* "so tastey babe, really gettin the hang of this stuff"

- quack anon

Hello quack!!!!!!!!!! Thank u for the ask, it’s berry good to chat with you!🐣

I think… LMAO I think majority of the time, he’s a combination of the first two… but also that you’ve had at least one experience of the third, where he’s tried to spare your feelings… but it just ended up going horribly because he’s such a terrible liar.

Honestly, given that Bakugo’s whole life revolves around constant feedback and training… I think he’d only give you cooking advice if you explicitly asked for it… but also that he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you if he didn’t like something. But it would be more “polite” than just “GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN” because actually… the kitchen is yours, too, and he actually does want you to cook if that’s something you want, too.

(He’s only like grumpy when it’s his turn to cook and he doesn’t want to be disturbed. Whenever it’s yours… he only bothers you after the cooking is done and you’re both trying everything… or if you ask for him.)

So overall, I see him being… supportive (A), but also extremely honest (B).

“I wouldn’t even feed this to the dogs… but if you wanna make it again together, I could give you some tips. Maybe. If you want.”

You know, LOL? A combo. And anytime he’s faking it, it’s completely obvious LMAO. That’s more Deku’s style, don’t you think?

#bakugo #I hate it when people who aren’t cooking try to boss around the cooking person #so I’d kill bakugo is he did that #plus I think he’s cool with mistakes he’s just gonna tell u all of them LOL #cuz he’s a banana #I’m so tired so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense #I’m wrapped up in cocoon of blankies I’m sinking …#thank u quack hehehe #sorry again zzzz #ask #caitie things #quack #anon

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ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult · 5 years

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Reality Check-Euphoria Imagine

Requested: No Warnings: mentions of trauma and a scene of an attempted sexual assault

A/N: I’m back from a super long break! I am so sorry I have not been able to update this blog since I started grad school but I have a bit of a break to write a bit. I just finished Euphoria so after this imagine, I’ll get started on the requests.

I own nothing from Euphoria and do not claim to own anything

Gif is from:geek-ramblings

Everything in italics in the story is Rue’s narration

Y/N Y/L/N wanted to be a princess for as long as she could remember. It didn’t hurt that every Disney movie and other piece of media designed for little girls endorsed this dream. One of those movies was the 1997 Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella starring Whitney Houston, Brandi, Whoopi Goldberg, and Victor Garber. It was the first time Y/N saw a princess who looked like her and it solidified that her dreams were possible. She watched that movie every day for three years and knows the soundtrack by heart. When her older cousin, McKay, irritated her, she would belt “Impossible/It’s Possible” at the top of her lungs in retaliation. While McKay was pushed to his limits on the football field, Y/N would twirl around in her living room during the ballroom sequence, pretending as though she had a dashing partner who would whisk her away. Her parents didn’t mind this dream since it suggested that she was as “normal” as a little girl could be. Eventually, Y/N’s mother put her in dance classes so that she could learn how to be graceful and dance with real people. Y/N fell in love with dancing since it gave her a way to express herself without speaking. Y/N was one of the sweetest people ever, but she was so shy and nervous, and I didn’t get it. Once she got comfortable, she actually had some things to say and a decent sense of humor. What she rarely let anyone know was she still dreamed of finding her prince, even though East Highland was overrun with frogs. In middle school, Y/N focused on studying and dancing while everyone else was practice dating (ie talking for a few hours on Facebook Messenger and avoiding eye contact in the hallway save a few nervous glances). She was hopeful that she would meet her prince in high school since that’s how it worked in the movies and what her older cousins had her believe. Y/N learned quickly that high was not like the movies and did not entertain herself with frivolous things, something Maddy called her out on at lunch one day.

“I’m right so don’t even try to fight me about it,” Maddy affirmed from across the table.

The cafeteria was busy and smelled of semi-fresh food and bubblegum. Y/N, Maddy, Cassie, BB, and Kat sat at their usual table. Y/N paused mid-bite into her cucumber sandwich and closed her mouth as soon as she realized it was hanging open.

“What?”

“You don’t do anything outside of school and dance team unless we drag you out and that needs to change,” Maddy insisted.

“I do other things,” Y/N said hesitantly.

“Yeah, like what? And it can’t be anything that you would use for college!”

Y/N racked her brain for a few moments. “Well, I watch movies and I read----”

“Fun things!” Maddy interrupted.

“Like gettin’ d-ck,” BB added.

Y/N’s face warmed up and she looked away from BB. “B, why’d you have to say it like that?”

“Well, at the end of the day, all that romance sh-t you’re into is just a pretty form of foreplay.”

“No, it’s not, they’re displays of affection and they’re beautiful. I know you all think romance is dead but I can’t and I don’t want to settle for that.” Y/N nodded her head in the direction of a table of guys who were concocting potions by mixing up the lunch of day with milk.

Cassie grabbed Y/N’s hand. “No one would expect you of all people to settle, but you haven’t dated anyone and there are some good guys in this town if not in this school. We just want to see you happy.”

Y/N could tell that Cassie was being sincere by the look in her eyes, all her friends were, but they also knew why Y/N behaved a certain way. The summer before eighth grade, Y/N saw the texts on her mom’s phone between her and a man that was not Y/N’s dad. It sickened her to her core, and she had no idea how to process it. Suddenly, her parents’ nightly arguments coupled with her mother’s late returns from nights out with “a friend” made more sense. She did not tell either of them that she knew and kept quiet about it. If she did not acknowledge it, she thought it would go away. She threw herself into dancing and studying, which did not raise any eyebrows. One night, Y/N, Maddy, Cassie, Lexi, and I went to the movies to see a Twilight movie. When she stepped out to get a popcorn refill, she saw her mother standing on the other side of the theater, smiling and flirting with a man who had to be in his seventies. Y/N managed to keep it together until we got back to Cassie and Lexie’s, where she broke down and told us everything. We hugged her and tried to calm her down, but there was nothing we could say that would repair her heart. Y/N’s mom officially stopped cheating when Y/N was fifteen but by then, the damage was already done. Her parents wanted to work on their marriage but neglected their child’s emotional and mental wellbeing since Y/N was so good and pretending she was fine. Her grades were excellent, she was the youngest co-captain of East Highland High’s dance team, and she stayed out of trouble. But if you really look at her, you can see the heartbreak in her big, coffee-colored eyes. Despite this, Y/N was convinced that there was a great guy out there for her, but she was extremely reluctant to date. She prayed that college would be better than high school and she would find the courage to date then.

“I love and appreciate your guys’ concern so much, but I am not about to give up my,” Y/N paused and glanced around the cafeteria before whispering, “virginity just to fit in, no offense.”

“Come on, Y/N, you may look and act all pure but you have to be dying to know what good d-ck feels like,” Maddy whined.

She had been, Y/N was human and not a total saint after all.

“I can wait, really.”

“So, have you just not been interested in any guys? I know plenty who are interested in you,” Cassie added.

“What?” Y/N was baffled by the loaded statement.

“Come on, Y/N, you know you’re hot,” Kat said.

“Your legs go up to your neck, Sis,” BB blurted as she nibbled on a Twizzler.

“Your face is basically perfectly symmetrical, it disgusts me,” Maddy said, emphasizing her statement with hand gestures.

Y/N chuckled nervously under the attention. “Thanks, guys.”

“But, is there anyone that interests you?”

Y/N glanced down at the tops of her metallic rose gold sandals. “No, not really.”

That was a total f-cking lie. Since fourth grade, Y/N harbored a crush on Nate that was fueled by when he shoved Caleb Parker after Caleb shoved Y/N during a game of tag in gym class. When Nate helped her stand on her feet, he was basically her knight in shining armor. Nate fit Y/N’s type perfectly: tall, dark hair, dark eyes, killer smile, and kind. Y/N never said anything, but anyone could tell just by observing the way she looked at him and the fact that she could never string together a decent sentence around him. This did not stop her from daydreaming about him and watching him from afar. She thought that maybe she could impress him with her dancing, and he would be forced to make a move. Y/N paid close attention to what Nate liked and disliked about girls, leading to religious mani-pedis and waxing. I tried to talk her out of it freshman year, but I can’t blame her for ignoring a junkie’s advice. When Maddy and Nate started dating, Y/N tried to cut off her attraction to Nate because she loved Maddy like a sister. She stopped pining after him but wished that she had a tenth of the confidence Maddy had.

“That’s it, we’re going to a party on Friday and you are going to meet a guy,” Maddy demanded.

“What?”

“Relax, you don’t have to sleep with him…unless you want to.” BB wiggled her eyebrows and Maddy, Cassie, and Kat burst into giggles.

“I think I can start off with kissing.”

“Have you even kissed a guy?” BB shot back.

“Yes, I have.”

In second grade, Travis Williams was double-dared to kiss Y/N on the playground. She knew that he wasn’t her prince charming since he produced too much saliva, and he was dared to do it. It gave her a weird complex about how attractive she was since no one really approached her. Sure, there were guys at parties but they just wanted something warm to slide into, not a real relationship.

After practice, Y/N and Maddy sat across from each other with their legs spread out, pulling each other back and forth to stretch.

“You really went in with this number, my legs are still killing me,” Maddy moaned as Y/N tugged her hands.

“Well, Alia wants to do something super impressive for homecoming; it’s not my fault she was so inspired by Homecoming.” Y/N relaxed her back while Maddy gently pulled Y/N’s arms towards her.

She relished in the stretch as her muscles released. Alia had tasked her with working on the homecoming choreography a month ago and the only requirement was it had to be set to Beyoncé’s “Diva/Everybody Mad” mix. It was tricky choreography, complete with acrobatics and lifts, but it would be entertaining.

“Well, we better do Beyonce well because she deserves nothing but the best.” Maddy’s expression dropped.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N turned and saw Nate heading towards them. He was so gorgeous even though he was in a black t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. His hair looked perfect for finger-combing and Y/N could just see his muscles flexing with every step he took.

Y/N could never relax around Nate, even though she tried everything----slowing her breathing, counting backwards from twenty, and imagining him with food poisoning since no one looks good with that. But nothing worked, nothing ever worked, and she was forced to do whatever she could think of in the moment.

“Hey, Y/N,” Nate greeted.

“Hi,” Y/N breathed.

“Maddy,” he looked at her and Maddy rolled her eyes.

“What?”

“Are you done stretching? I’m giving you a ride and we can’t be late, remember?”

“Well, it doesn’t really matter since I always take too f-cking long to get ready.”

Nate sighed. “Maddy, I didn’t mean it…”

“I can go,” Y/N volunteered meekly, suddenly very aware that she was still sweaty from practice and needed to shower.

“No, Y/N, stay,” Maddy said, “stay so you can hear the bullsh-t he comes up with.”

They argued for about five minutes, all of which Y/N used to make herself as small as possible. She knew they had a dysfunctional relationship and that was the last thing Y/N wanted, she’d seen how they worked. If the couple weren’t arguing with each other, they would rant about the other person to a friend. Maddy did it all the time, but she was nowhere near as bad as Y/N’s dad. Her dad spoke explicitly about Y/N’s mother’s activities when things were really bad. It was always late at night and Y/N was not always sleeping over at someone’s house. Her father would rant for hours and force Y/N to sit there and listen. Whenever she tried to ask him to stop, he would say, “Tell your mother to stop, she did this. I didn’t do anything!”. Y/N cried a lot more than she would let anyone know. She wanted so badly to be whisked away from East Highland, preferably by a tall, handsome prince who would take care of all of her worries. She would be comfortable around him and feel loved. After Maddy and Nate’s argument, Y/N was able to slip away and go home.

Y/N stepped out of a relaxing shower when she heard the low rumbling that started before every argument. The walls of her room felt closer than usual and she could easily run her hands over the lavender and white checked wallpaper. Everything felt so far away and she felt much smaller than five-foot-nine. Y/N slowly curled into a ball on her bed and shook as the rumbling grew higher.

“Please stop,” she whispered.

It persisted.

“Please, please stop,” she repeated.

Y/N kept repeating herself for so long that she did not know how long it took before her parents burst into her room. Her mother wrapped her up in arms and rocked her while her dad tried to get her to talk.

“What’s the problem?” he asked.

“The fighting, it’s loud,” she whispered.

“Well, you can’t react like this every time we have an argument, Y/N. You’ll fall apart as an adult,” Mr. Y/L/N affirmed.

“Dinner is almost ready,” Mrs. Y/L/N said and kissed her forehead.

When they left the room, Y/N felt dejected and uninterested in food. Just as she was about to start lotioning, her phone dinged. It was Maddy.

Maddy: Football party’s on Friday. UR GOING.

It wasn’t a difficult decision for Y/N to make. Her parents gave her a generous curfew since Y/N wouldn’t go out every weekend. But her parents didn’t care how she felt so they shouldn’t care about what she did for once. And if they didn’t care, then why should she? It wasn’t like she going to engage in an orgy or something.

Y/N: You had me at football.

Scott Callahan’s giant house was filled with smoke and strobing lights on Friday night. People were dancing and drinking half-naked in his front lawn and inside was another kind of pandemonium. There was every kind of expensive alcohol one could imagine scattered throughout the house, marijuana, Percocet, molly, and cocaine. Travis Scott’s “Sicko Mode” was blasting through the surround-sound speakers and people were either dancing, grinding, or making out to it. Y/N arrived at the party with Jules and Rue. Hours prior, Y/N gave Jules free reign to do whatever she wanted with her makeup.

“Ugh, I have been waiting ever since we met for this moment. No, maybe even before then,” Jules said as she swiped silver glitter around Y/N’s eyes.

Cassie, Maddy, BB, and Kat already helped Y/N pick out an outfit a day before via Facetime: a shiny silver mini dress with platforms. Y/N had been nervous as Jules helped her do her makeup and put some waves in her shoulder-length dark hair. But the finished product made her look like a totally different person.

“Is that me?” Y/N had whispered as she stared at herself in the mirror.

Jules rest her chin on Y/N’s shoulder. “Yes, it is, the shinier version.”

“You look good, Y/N,” Rue complimented.

“Thanks, Rue. Are you sure you’re okay with me drinking tonight? I feel so weird and guilty.”

“Yes, it’s fine,” Rue had insisted. “I just got out of rehab and I don’t wanna go back.”

“And I don’t want you to, either,” Jules added.

Y/N agreed.

Y/N still felt weird about drinking around Rue once they arrived at the party, but Rue insisted that Y/N and Jules have fun. Several guys stared as Y/N walked past, but that could have been attributed to Jules’ neon green corset dress with matching hair or Rue’s tie-dye ensemble. When they reached the kitchen, they found Kat and BB doing tequila shots. Their eyes lit up at the trio.

“Finally, you’re here!” Kat hugged Rue, Jules, and Y/N.

“Did you miss us?” Jules teased.

“Little bit. You guys want a shot?”

“I’m DD-ing, or DR-ing since it’s a bike,” Rue said.

“Or DB-ing, for bicycling,” Y/N added.

BB poured Jules and Y/N shots and handed them over. They cheered before downing the alcohol. The tequila burned down Y/N’s throat and Y/N fought the urge to cough. She’d had alcohol before but she did not drink as often as her friends. Y/N immediately felt the liquid courage coursing through her as she slid her shot glass towards BB.

“Another one?” BB arched an eyebrow.

“Are you complaining?”

“Not at all, you look hot by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“I did her makeup,” Jules said.

Y/N laughed and continued drinking.

I watched as her third shot became her fifth, and then Jules made them both screwdrivers and she made them strong. I’d only seen Y/N drunk once and that was at freshman winter formal. Maddy convinced her that Gatorade and Everclear were a good mix. She was tripping over herself for most of the night, so there was no telling what she might do.

“Crap, I forgot to tell you, Maddy and Nate broke up again,” Kat said.

“Why?” Y/N asked.

“Stupid same old bullsh-t, probably,” Rue said.

“Where is Maddy, anyway?”

“Last I knew, she was outside with Cassie,” BB said.

Y/N finished her screwdriver. “Let’s go, then.”

Y/N was surprisingly agile as she weaved her way through the crowd and lead the way outside. Maddy and Cassie were easy to spot since they were standing by the lounge chairs and rolling their eyes at every guy who tried to talk to them.

“Maddy, Cassie!” Y/N announced.

They both looked up and smiled at her.

“Y/N, you look amazing,” Cassie said.

“Thanks, and you look great as per usual.”

“You’ve been drinking,” Cassie said.

Y/N nodded.

Cassie and Maddy greeted Rue, Jules, Kat, and BB.

“Hey, I’m sorry about Nate,” Y/N said.

“It’s fine, I don’t need him and I could get any guy here I want. Besides, it gives me the chance to focus more on getting you a guy,” Maddy said.

“Oh, Maddy, don’t worry about me.”

“No, that’s why we’re here. Now, let’s do some shots and scope!”

The shots were easy but finding a good guy was not. Y/N was officially drunk and giggled a lot whenever the guys Maddy or Cassie found spoke to her. Y/N would push the guys she didn’t like away, which was the majority of them.

“Alright, you rejected eight dudes, why?” Maddy asked over City Girls’ “Act Up”.

“Well, one had horrible halitsosissss and another kept talking about how he had never been with a black girl before.”

“Which one said the last thing?” Cassie asked.

Y/N shrugged and drank more beer. “Seriously, do not worry about me, guys, I’m fine, I just wanna have fun.”

“Yes, fun!” an equally inebriated Jules commented.

At that moment, Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” started playing and Jules and Y/N screamed in unison.

“I love this song!” Y/N exclaimed.

“Me too!” Jules said.

“Let’s dance!” Y/N turned to the rest of the girls and extended her hand. “You have to join us, it’s Lizzo, it’s basically law.”

“Yeah, basically law,” Jules echoed.

The others couldn’t argue, and they all moved to the dancefloor, which was really the living room. Jules twirled Rue around even though Rue was reluctant, and BB started grinding on some basketball player. Meanwhile, Maddy, Cassie, and Y/N alternated between shouting the lyrics and moving their hips to the beat.

Dance truly set Y/N free, but the song also helped. There was something about Lizzo’s voice and choice of beat that made Y/N want to dance and never stop. She would move her arms and hands and feel more fluid than water. For once, she wasn’t calculating each step and making sure she was on beat, she was simply reacting to the music.

Towards the end of the song, Y/N muttered that she was going outside to Cassie and slipped away from the circle. Y/N found herself enjoying the fresh air and giggled to herself when she saw a couple going to second base by the pool.

“Y/N, I didn’t think you was into watchin’ people,” Fez teased.

He was sitting on a beach chair in a corner a few yards away from the back door. He was wearing a navy, yellow, and red Coogi sweater with jeans. He was fully reclined in his chair and smoking a joint.

“You don’t know a lot of things about me,” Y/N shot back as she walked towards him.

She plopped down on the seat across from him and tried to steady herself.

“You good, Y/N?”

“Yeah, just drank a lot more than usual.” Y/N eyed Fez’s joint. “You know, in all this time I’ve known you, you’ve never offered me drugs.”

“No disrespect, I just didn’t think you’d be into it, didn’t seem like the type.”

“Oh yeah? Then what do I seem like?” Y/N leaned towards Fez and arched her back a little.

Fez blew some smoke away from Y/N and tried not to stare at her. “You…you look like the type to stay away from this stuff and even me.”

Y/N laughed and shooed the thought away. “How could I stay away from you, Fez? You have the best snacks at the gas station. Plus, I like talking to you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you have an interesting but simple way of looking at things.”

Fez looked as though he was thinking for a long moment as he smoked his joint. “I knew I liked you for a reason. You act all quiet and nervous usually but you got a lot to say and say it in a good way.” He extended the joint towards Y/N. “Be careful.”

Y/N focused as hard as she could to grab the joint with two fingers. She’d only smoked once with Rue and Rue was the one to drag her over to Fezco to get the weed. Y/N remembered coughing a lot, but she knew how to avoid that. She took two long drags before handing the joint back to Fez.

“Thanks, Fez. We should talk more later.”

“Sure, if you feelin’ up to it. I’m here all night.”

Y/N stumbled back into the house, her full intentions to find her friends. Then, she heard the beginning strains of Kanye West’s “Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1” and she smiled to herself. She started spinning around in time to the music, twisting her arms up and down as she did. Her hips began to sway gently to the rhythm. She ran her hands through her hair and exhaled.

Y/N was lost again and wrapped up in the beat. She usually did not drop low outside of the comfort of her bedroom, but the alcohol mixed with the weed mixed with the great music made her think differently. She was free and everyone else around her was free. There was nothing to worry about and she could let go of her inhibitions. It didn’t matter that none of the guys at the party were her type nor really interested her, she was having too much fun. But little did Y/N know that someone had their eye on her since she started dancing to “Truth Hurts”.

Y/N felt someone push up against her from behind, followed by hands slink around her hips. Her eyes fluttered open and she covered the large hands with her own. “Sorry, I don’t----" She stopped when she made eye contact with Nate. “I’m high,” she muttered.

“I don’t know about that, but you’ve definitely been drinking.”

Y/N tried to ignore the way his gravelly voice made her stomach drop to her heels or how she felt like everything was throbbing. She shook her head and backed away from him. “I can’t…you just broke up with Maddy.”

“Y/N, please don’t.” Nate looked worried as he took cautious steps towards her.

Unbeknownst to Y/N, and everyone else, Nate had a fascination with her that bordered on obsession. He noticed her in fourth grade and how much she got excited about reading and history lessons. Even then, Nate thought Y/N was innocent and so quiet. He was curious about her but never really approached her until that day in gym. That day was a godsend so that he could show off how strong he was and get her to talk. All he got was a “Thanks” and “I’m okay”. Nate was disappointed, but he didn’t stop looking out for her. He made sure none of the football players went after her, which McKay appreciated but he thought Nate was doing it as a friend. No, Nate was doing it because he knew that football players were animals and Y/N was high above them. Maddy was too but Maddy was different .She was so much more confident and bold than Y/N was, and she was a virgin when Nate asked her out. But Maddy liked to fight with him and test him and Y/N wouldn’t do that----she was too sweet and would most likely want to resolve everything as quickly as possible. So, she was unofficially his and Y/N had no idea.

Y/N kept shaking her head as tears welled up in her eyes. “I can’t do this, Maddy’s like a sister to me.”

“Y/N, breathe, please.” Nate took another step and when Y/N didn’t move, he got close enough to grab her forearms and rub them soothingly. “You’re allowed to dance with me, all we did was dance.”

“That was not dancing, I’m a dancer, I would know.” Y/N tilted her head back to will the tears away.

“You look beautiful, seriously. Don’t cry.” He tried to touch her face, but Y/N backed away.

“Thank you, but I think we should stop talking.”

“You always look beautiful, especially when your hair is down, it frames your face nicely.” He brushed some hair off her shoulder.

“Nate, stop.” A tear rolled down her cheek.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“I know you’re doing this to make Maddy jealous, it’s what you always do, it’s the same game!” Y/N cried, but it was masked by the music. “I’m…I’m not going to be your pawn in this weird game, Nate. I deserve better than that.”

Nate reached out and cupped the side of her face in one hand. “Oh, Y/N, you would never be a pawn and I’m not playing with you. Maddy’s not gonna care if you dance with me, she’s not even here.”

Y/N glanced around the room and didn’t see Maddy anywhere. She suddenly got a sinking feeling and looked back at Nate. “I’m just not comfortable with doing anything with you, she’s my friend.”

“And I would never want to ruin that and I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable; I just wanted a chance to dance with the prettiest girl at the party.”

Y/N snapped her eyes to him. “You think I’m the prettiest girl here?”

Nate nodded. “But if you don’t want to dance with me…”

“Fine, one dance.” Y/N held up her pointer finger for emphasis. “And we’re done.”

“Deal.”

“Good.”

The song changed to “One Dance” and Y/N was stiff for a moment. She never really did partner dancing and was lost. Nate sensed this, grabbed one of her hands, and spun her around. She laughed and swiveled her hips to the beat. Nate continued twirling her around and watched Y/N move to the music. When he spun her out again, Nate pulled her back in and held her close. Y/N did everything in her power to fight to gnawing desire to melt into his embrace. He felt so strong and protective. Y/N stared at the collar of his t-shirt to avoid eye contact and kept her hands on his chest.

“This isn’t fair,” she whispered.

“What isn’t fair?” “I’ve had a crush on you since elementary school and the time you decide you want me, it’s just after your break up with one of my best friends.” Y/N buried her head in her hands. “I’m such a bad friend, I should go.”

Nate held her there and stared her down. “Go and do what?”

“Um, find my friends.”

“And then what?”

“Dance?”

“Just like you’re dancing with me?”

“No, not this close and you know that.” Y/N stepped back. “We should stop.”

“But, you said you’ve liked me for a long time.”

“I did, but I want to be a good friend. I’m sorry, Nate.”

Y/N really didn’t want to, but she pulled away from Nate. She couldn’t believe she’d spent a whole song dancing so close with her friend’s ex. Maddy would kill her if she found out. Maybe if Y/N told her first, things would not be as bad.

“If we can’t dance, can we at least talk?”

Y/N hesitated but nodded slowly.

Nate grabbed her hand and led her upstairs. A few coked out people and couples pushed past them and Y/N felt more and more nervous. They found an empty bedroom and Nate closed the door behind them. The room was dark and Y/N found a light.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” she made herself comfortable on the bed.

Nate sat next to her and clasped his hands together. “Things with Maddy and me have always been f-ckin’ crazy and they will always be. She always wants to fight when there shouldn’t be a fight.”

“If you wanted to complain to someone about your ex, you could have found someone who wasn’t her friend.”

“Stop, what I’m saying is I don’t like it, it’s exhausting, and…and we bring out the worst in each other. But you, I don’t think you would do that to me.” He glanced down at Y/N’s hands. “You’re kind and you want the best for everyone.”

“I try.”

“You would never want to hurt anyone on purpose and you listen, you really listen, and I feel like I could tell you anything.”

Y/N nodded.

“The truth is, I’ve liked you since fourth grade too, but I never asked you out because you seemed disinterested.”

“How’d you get that?”

“Whenever I tried to talk to you, you wouldn’t talk and I thought that meant you didn’t like me. So, I started going out with Maddy because she was clear about that, but now, I think we could be something.”

“Just like that? But what about my friends? Maddy and I have the same friends and I don’t want to hurt Maddy.”

“You can make new friends and you’ll have me.” Nate leaned closer to Y/N. “C’mon, Y/N, you know you want this. You’re always thinking of other people, be selfish for once.”

In that strange bedroom, with the guy she had been crushing on for so long begging her to do something to him, Y/N was at an impasse. She loved Maddy like a sister and didn’t want to divide the group, but Nate was making so many good points. The only reason she did well in school was to please her parents and the only reason she would go out was to please her friends. She didn’t do anything to please herself and this was her chance.

Nate leaned closer to Y/N and looked up at her for confirmation. Y/N closed her eyes and relished in the feeling of Nate’s lips against hers. They were slightly chapped but he knew how to use them, applying pressure in the right places at the right times. His hands went to her waist and Y/N wrapped hers around his neck. He slid her into his lap and Y/N gasped.

“Did I scare you?” he whispered.

“A little,” Y/N murmured.

He rubbed her sides and kept kissing her, adding tongue. Y/N shyly tapped her tongue against his and he smirked into it. He rolled his hips underneath her and Y/N gasped at the shocking feeling, pulling away.

“Does it feel good?”

Y/N nodded.

“Say it.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, it feels good.”

Nate nipped at her neck and Y/N moaned out, grinding down on him. Nate’s hands tensed around her hips. “You’re so hot,” he whispered in her ear.

Y/N laughed.

“Seriously, I’ve thought about what this would be like, what we would be like.”

“And?”

“And, so far, it’s better than I thought.” He kissed down to her collarbone and palmed her chest. “I’ve thought about these.” “Really? But they’re so small.”

“No, they’re just right.” He bit the base of her neck and Y/N hissed. “I’ve also thought about your legs, how they distract me during practice when you guys are outside. They’re so soft but firm.”

Nate kissed her again and pinned her on the bed. Y/N gasped as she felt one of Nate’s hands trail up her dress. Her mind was jumbled up and she didn’t know what to think. Everything he did felt so good, he knew just where to kiss and nip. He looked at her with full-blown lust in his eyes. Maybe Y/N had finally found the prince she’d been waiting for, but he was always there.

Then, his hand went a little too high. She squirmed and shook her head.

“Nate, that’s a little too much.”

“What?”

“I said it’s a little too much,” she repeated louder.

“I thought you liked it, don’t you want this? Isn’t this what you’ve always thought about?” Nate tangled his hand in her underwear.

“Nate, stop, I don’t want to do this.”

“You weren’t acting that way earlier.”

“Nate, please, stop.”

“You don’t want me to stop.”

“Yes, I do, please!”

Y/N tried to push him away but Nate pinned her down. He rolled his hips into hers and Y/N turned away, tears falling down her cheeks.

“Do you feel how much I want you? I’d do just about anything to have you.”

“Nate, stop!”

“Shut up!” Nate growled.

One of his hands let go of her wrist and wrapped around her neck. He had a death grip on her neck and Y/N started gasping for air.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t want this? Like you weren’t dancing on me, begging for it? You were jealous that Maddy got me whenever she wanted. You wanted me all for yourself just like I want you.”

Y/N wanted to scream at him, tell him he was wrong about everything, but was he? When Maddy talked about sex with him, Y/N would feel pangs of guilt and jealousy for wanting to trade places with her. Most of all, she wanted Nate to get off her. She wanted Nate to leave her alone forever. When she looked at him, the sweet fourth grade boy was gone and replaced by a full grown monster. Why was she getting monsters when she wanted princes? What did she do to deserve this?

Nate unzipped his jeans and tears kept flowing down Y/N’s face, ruining Jules’ masterpiece. He kept his eyes trained on her and Y/N was losing oxygen, she couldn’t think to move any of her muscles. Just as he was about to push in her, someone banged on the door.

“Occupied!” Nate yelled over his shoulder.

“Whatever.”

Nate turned back and looked down at Y/N, shaking and crying. He leaned down and whispered, “Don’t make a sound.” He released his grasp on her neck and pinned her wrists again. Y/N’s throat felt numb and she couldn’t do anything. She inhaled through her nose and before Nate could thrust, she took gathered all her strength to knee him. Nate groaned and rolled onto his side, releasing her wrists. Y/N scrambled to her feet, unlocked the door, and ran outside. People in the hallway looked at her bewildered. Y/N nearly fell down the stairs and ran into Rue.

“Y/N, what happened?” she asked.

Y/N gasped for a moment before burying her face in Rue’s shoulder and crying, full-on, heaving, shoulder-shaking crying. Rue held her close and ran her hands through her hair. “Nate,” was the only word she managed to get out.

Before Rue could only see Red, Fez approached them. “Hey, I’m about to head out if you wanted a ride. What’s up?”

“I think Nate tried to do something to Y/N,” Rue whispered. “Y/N, could you look at me?”

Y/N straightened up and Rue and Fezco saw the handprints around her neck. Both of their expressions hardened.

“Where’s Maddy, Cassie, and Jules?” Rue asked.

“Right here,” Maddy said as they approached. Her eyes widened at Y/N. “Y/N, what the f-ck happened?”

Y/N swallowed but winced at the feeling. “Nate tried to rape me,” she rasped out.

In an instant, Fez and Rue handed Y/N over to Cassie, Maddy, and Jules. Y/N collapsed in their arms and continued crying.

“Honey, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” Cassie said.

“Breathe, Y/N, you need to breathe,” Jules muttered.

“I’m so sorry, Maddy, I’m so sorry,” Y/N said.

“No, don’t apologize,” Maddy insisted, stroking Y/N’s hair.

They cleared a couch for Y/N to rest and they continued trying to comfort her. A few seconds later, Nate came tumbling down the stairs, with Rue and Fezco on his heels. Rue was cursing at him while Fezco laid more punches on him. Nate’s face was already bruised and scratched up.

“It’s not my fault!” Nate spat out. “I told you, she came onto me, she’s been in love with me since fourth grade, she wanted this! Maddy, Y/N’s a bad friend, that’s not my fault.”

“Don’t even talk to me right now or I swear, Rue and Fezco will have to keep me from killing you,” Maddy hissed.

“I’m a bad friend,” Y/N whimpered.

“No, you’re not,” Maddy, Cassie, and Jules said.

“I liked him a lot, even when you dated, I liked him and then he…he came onto me, maybe I deserved it.”

“Y/N, no one deserves to get raped, no one, you did not ask for this,” Jules assured her.

Y/N turned to lay face up. “Why does everything hurt so much? I just wanted someone to like me since loving me is asking for too much.”

“No, it’s not,” Cassie hushed.

“And we love you,” Maddy said.

“I love you the most,” Jules said.

Y/N smiled slightly. “But you know what I mean.”

Y/N loved her friends and appreciated their love, but she wanted the fairytale. She’d convinced herself that maybe she would get some idea of that with Nate but she was so wrong. She wanted the dream and got a nightmare. It was a terrible f-cking way to learn how real life works, but it had to happen. Besides, we’re in high school and the love Y/N truly wanted was impossible to find in high school, especially East Highland. Y/N ended up pressing charges on Nate and that encouraged Maddy to open up about stuff he’d done to her during their relationship. Everything is different with Y/N now, I can see it in her eyes, they aren’t as bright as they used to be. Before the stuff with her mom, they would shimmer and after that, some glints remained. Now, it was like looking in a dark hole and I could guess what she was feeling since I’ve been in that place too----in fact, I’m still in it. I think the saddest part is she always had so much optimism and now it’s gone before she’s twenty and I don’t think she’ll get it back.

#euphoria imagine #angst imagine

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scribbles97 · 4 years

Text

Left Behind -- Chapter 21

In which Gaat tries to break Lucy

PART 1 / Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16 / Chapter 17 / Chapter 18 / Chapter 19 / Chapter 20 / Chapter 21

Read on Ao3

As a hologram lit up the cockpit, Lucy turned to face it, glaring at the bald man that appeared. He chuckled as a grin spread across his face, raising an eyebrow at her, “Hello, Lucy.”

“Gaat.” She growled.

“I see you found my Zero-X two. It’s just a shame you won’t be going anywhere on it.”

Stepping across the space she leant down over the hologram, “I gathered as much when I realised your cockpit was the wrong way around.”

Gaat chuckled, throwing his head back slightly as he did so, “My dear Lucille, it is simply a hologram. What you are stood in is an empty shell that is yet to be completed. When I found out your two friends and yourself wished to pay a visit to my ship I felt it would be improper for it to be unfinished when you arrived.”

The pieces fell into place like parts to a puzzle.

Blood drained from her cheeks and hope from her heart.

“You wanted us to come early, set it up so that we would come now rather than when the ship was actually finished.”

He snorted with a nod, “Well done. Now, any ideas why?”

She shook her head slowly at him, eyes wide and worried. Gaat always had a motive, there was always something more to his plan. Hugh had likened it to playing chess once.

“I need something Lucy, something that you have on that island of yours.”

Her frown deepened, “What? How do you--”

“Anyone is free to take photos of you on rescues,” Gaat grinned, “Did you ever get a chance to ask Lee about his little jaunt out in Thunderbird Three the other day? He was quite excited about the applications of those new pressure equalising suits of yours.”

Each breath came heavier, angrier at him for whatever it was he was up to, even if she wasn’t quite sure what it was yet.

“I wish I could say it was me that ordered the GDF escort, but unfortunately it was simply my contact there having the most excellent foresight and a little bit of good luck.” He continued, reaching for something out of the view of the comm, “It’s a lovely place you’ve got here. I do like the ocean view.”

The background of the room he was in came into focus and she immediately recognised the lounge she hadn’t seen for almost a week.

Bile rose in her throat as her heart raced in her chest, fear, anger, and hurt all fighting for top spot as she watched him lift one of the photos from her desk to the hologram.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t touched any of your precious family. Those that I didn’t send out on a rescue seem to have made themselves scarce.”

She shook her head, knowing what she had organised as fact before she had left, “No, they’re off duty, they wouldn’t…”

“Yes, you almost put a spanner in my works,” Gaat sighed, “But your family are heroes are they not? It was easy to persuade them the world still needed help. All it took was a capsized super yacht and some misplaced space debris. If you don’t believe me, I’ll wait whilst you check in with them.”

Checking in would lead to questions that she didn’t want, or have time to answer. Yet, she wasn’t convinced that she could simply trust what he was telling her. Gaat had always told mistruths, twisting fact until it was fiction and leaving her never quite sure of what to believe.

“Lucy.” Kyrano spoke in her ear, “I’ve just spoken to Tanusha, it’s Gaat. He’s on the Island. I don’t know how he’s done it, but he’s lured them all away. There’s nobody there except Sally, Alan, and Brains.”

Reaching up she touched her comm, opening the line between her and the outside world, “I know, Kyrano. I’m stood talking to him.”

Somewhere off of the line, Hugh swore loudly, cursing the man facing her.

“Why?” She asked Gaat, voice low, angry and dangerous.

From what he had already said she feared that she knew the answer. As she had said to Michael earlier, Gaat took what he wanted, when he wanted it. Except, never before had she been the one he had wanted to take so much from.

“I want the pressurisation suits Lucy. Do you know where I might find them?”

She shook her head at him, “Why should I give them to you? You’ll only use them for your own gains and such like.”

He smiled and nodded, “And potentially for going to space also… either way, you’re going to give them to me.”

“How can you be so sure?” She spat.

His smile fell, entire face growing serious as he watched her with blank eyes that were entirely different to those Michael had worn.

“Because if you don’t, Lucy, a series of explosions will begin, starting with the cockpit you are currently standing in, and ending with the debris our dear friends Evangeline and Lee are clearing up in orbit.”

He didn’t need to specify that her three boys were involved somewhere between the two. The thought of something happening to any of them because of him didn’t bear thinking about.

“You’re not going to take them.” She murmured, mind racing, trying to figure out some way to get around his ultimatum.

He snorted, “And are you sure about that Lucille?”

“You heard her Gaat.” Kyrano’s voice cut in sounding hard and firm even through the speaker of her suit, “Tanusha has already warned the others, they’re returning to the island as we speak.”

“I wouldn’t worry about the other’s getting back,” Lee’s familiar drawl came from Gaat’s end of the comm, “Some of us never left.”

Gaat growled, his face falling into a frown. She assumed it was aimed at Lee, wherever he was in the room. She took the distraction, touching her comm to close off her voice to anyone outside of her helmet,

“Kyrano, are the others safe?”

“Sally, Alan, and Brains are locked in the labs, they’re safe. The others know they were walking into a trap and abandoned their rescues before they arrived at them.” He confirmed quickly and quietly, “From the security feed, Lee and Tanusha are in the lounge with Gaat. He’s going nowhere.”

“--my sister, you murdered my best friend. You’re done hurting this family Gaat.” Lee was saying as she refocussed on the conversation in the lounge.

He snorted, eyes turning to her glee marring his frown, “Do you really think your brother would shoot me Lucille?”

She might have been against the use of guns and live ammunition, but that didn’t stop Lee from keeping up with his full license. Whilst Gaat had hurt her, Lee was her brother and despite being younger, that title came with a degree of protectiveness she had never been quite able to shake. There wasn’t quite any telling what he might do in response to a threat from the other man.

“The decision ain’t down to her Gaat,” Lee responded whilst Lucy was still dwelling on her answer.

“Shoot me and the ship she is on goes boom.” Gaat murmured, “It will be years before the conditions are correct for another launch to find Jeff.”

She winced at the comment, sucking in a sharp breath and holding it as she waited for Lee’s response. Anger was what she expected, most likely aimed at her for not telling him what had been going on. Disbelief wasn’t something Lee often experienced, too keen on focusing on the facts for the stray thoughts to have a chance to creep in.

“Jeff is dead.” Lee growled, “What have you said to her to make her think otherwise?”

“He hasn’t.” She cut in before Gaat could say anything, knowing that she couldn’t let him twist the truth for her, “It was Hugh and Kyrano that found out. Gaat’s right, Jeff could be out there.”

There was silence across the comm, the moment long and full of nothing. She couldn’t even see Lee’s face to figure out just what he might have been thinking in response to the revelation. Her stomach twisted and heart thundered as she gripped the console, just waiting.

“Uncle.” Tanusha broke the silence, “I think it’s time you left.”

“Not until I get what I came for, Tanusha.”

Lee’s tut was loud across the comm, “You ain’t gettin’ nothin’ from us, Gaat.”

Swallowing at the comment, Lucy took a slow breath knowing they had reached their final chance with the man. It was time for her to get out, to run and get away as far as she could from the ship.

Yet, she couldn’t.

It was her chance.

Her one chance for how long?

“Kyrano,” She opened her private line again, “Get hold of Hiram, see if he can hack the system using your disruptor.”

“Lucy no,” Hugh responded before she could draw breath, “It’s not worth the risk, get the hell out of there.”

“Listen to Hugh Lucy,” Kyrano urged, “He’s started the countdown, you’ve got minutes--”

“No!” She snapped, cutting him off, “This is our one shot! We have to try, if we don’t we might never get this chance again.”

Jeff could be out there. For four years he could have been out there. They could have already been too late. He had launched with nothing, the chances of him surviving the take off were slim as it were, with each passing day they dropped more.

Waiting longer could cost her her husband.

“If you don’t I will!” She told them leaving no room for argument.

Crouching she banged at the panelling below the console, warping it enough to be able to grip and pull it out. She was lucky it was the right panel, the one with the bomb behind, it’s digits counting down second by second.

Shock froze her for a moment, stunned into stopping and taking stock of just where she was and what was happening.

“I have eyes on the bomb.”

“Bollocks.” Hugh hissed, “Kyrano, call Brains.”

“I-I am already h-h-here.” Hiram responded, “Mrs Tracy, can you s-s-send a scan of the d-d-device?”

She nodded, as she reached to her wrist to scan the item, “Sending it now.”

The numbers on the device weren’t reassuring her.

But she had to try. It could be Jeff’s only chance.

It was potentially her only chance.

“Y-y-ou need to at-t-tach the disruptor to the b-b-blue wire, from there I sh-should be able to cut off the countdown.”

She didn’t care how he did it, all she cared about was the numbers counting down to the destruction of the ship.

She needed that ship.

Even with it’s damned wrong-way-round cockpit.

It was the only thing that could take her to the Oort cloud.

“There isn’t time,” Hugh murmured, “Lucy get the hell out of there! You’re no good to any of us dead! Including Jeff.”

The comment caught her, winding her as she looked around the cockpit that Gaat had told her was all an illusion, one of his clever tricks. The ship wasn’t ready, it wouldn’t be for weeks yet. She didn’t even know if the T-drive would work in it, or if it were simply another nail for Gaat to drive in to her chest.

Suddenly the comm was silent and there was one single voice in her ear.

“You took everything from me Lucille, and Jeff helped you. Let’s say that I am simply making us even.”

Her legs gave way as she fell from her crouch into a crumpled heap on the floor, something in her registered the scream of protest at the man she had never intended on hurting.

“Jeff never did anything to you!” She sobbed, “He never--”

Gaat snorted, “No, you’re right. It was all your decision wasn’t it? Maybe this is all on you after all.”

The voice in her head was screaming at her in glee, reminding her that yes, she could have and should have done more. If she had tried harder she could have saved Jeff.

It suddenly felt impossible to catch her breath as she clutched at her helmet, and shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the thoughts as Gaat continued to utter blame in her direction.

She needed space, and air. She wanted to save Jeff but she knew she would only ever fail at that objective. She needed to get out. She had to give up on the ship.

Pulling her helmet off, she gasped in a single breath of unfiltered air that smelled of oil and paint. Around her the room flickered, the console and chairs blinking out of existence as the numbers on the bomb passed ten.

“Lucy, Gaat has taken control of the bomb,” Hugh yelled down the comm, “Brains can’t stop it. Get out of there!”

Her helmet cracked sharply against the floor as she pushed herself to her feet and stumbled towards the hatch, half blinded by tears that had filled her eyes. She didn’t want to leave. It could be her only chance to find him. Hugh was right though, damn Hugh for always being right, if she died then she would never find Jeff.

Only when she got to the hatch did she look back to the room, the reality of just what it was sinking in as she took a shuddering breath. Gaat had tricked her. Taunted her into thinking that his ship was her only chance.

She hoped the chip in her pocket meant otherwise.

As her eyes passed over the helmet on the floor, her brain engaged, reminding her that she needed that helmet, she couldn’t leave without it.

She tripped as she reached for it, knees hitting the steel floor as she gasped out. The helmet was in her reach though, close enough to grab and pull back onto her head.

“Lucy move!”

She didn’t have chance to reply as red digits vanished and the world went boom.

#thunderbirds are go #Thunderbirds 2015 #Kyrano #The Hood #Lucille Tracy #Hugh Creighton-Ward #Lucy AU #Left Behind Part 2 #scribbles writes

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bendjamintheinkcambionandfamily · 4 years

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Basket of gold for Ben and tiz hehe

My family is a blessing! They may not be of this plane, but you would be surprised how supportive entities and spirits can be. Without them, I would have given up on life long ago! I love them dearly. I love my son Ben, I love my daughter Felicity, my fiance Kay, my brothers Azk and Parr, and my very tired Aunt Anna. We may not always see eye to eye, but we listen to each other and honestly care for each other. I haven't seen this level of understanding in humans. I am just grateful for them, they have done nothing but build me up and bring me joy.

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B- The Fam, eh? Well, I gots a Ma & Pa, and the cutest lil sis a demon could ask for! Don' really agree with Pa on things, but what ya gonna do? I love Ma an' Filly, I guess I love da other too, just not tha same. Not much ta do bout dat. It's cushy here, lots o' food, affection and all da kids and animals ta chase round outside! Swimmin' with My Uncles in tha pools always fun, and Auntie Anna is a hoot ta rile up! I cant wait for Filly ta grow up enough ta play tag with, but at least I got plenty o' things ta do in the mean time. Auntie Ode visits sometimes, which is always fun, and sometimes me and Pa visit Grandma Lilith! My fam on dat side is pretty big if ya really think about it, but my fam here on tha physical side? Eh, not da best. My first time meetin' Ma's sis was freakin' terrible! So my human relatives aint exaclty too welcomin' or understanding, ya know? I really love Ma's grandma, she calls her Nanna, aint dat tha cutest?! She likes plants! Just like me! I love visiting her, even if she cant see me. Just wait till she comes on dis side so I can give her so many hugs and flowers! Oh , I'm gettin' a bit carried away here. What I mean is, My family is my family, and even if we gots ups and downs, it's dem bonds we make dat tie us together. Not blood or any of that love nonsense, tha bonds. What we went through together, what we endured for each other, dats what builds a family. Love and all dat sentimental sh*t is just a bonus, get me?

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smolbeandrabbles · 5 years

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Somewhere on a Beach - Ned Kendall x Reader (Beautiful Kate)

Thank you to a certain someone and her side blog for kicking me into gear and actually get around to writing this... 😏

Author’s Note: Well as if this hasn’t been sitting in my drafts since I watched the movie (it has.) Fine-uh-lee I get to write about the Writ-er... Is this it? Is Ned the last one of my little collection? I think so... Damn, boi, I’m sorry!

Disclaimer: Beautiful Kate characters (& associated things!) not mine / lyrics not mine Premise: In a bid to help Ned escape his past, and get his writing back on track, you take him away... Words: 3180 Warnings: Sexual Connotations / Hinted Dom/Sub relationship / swearing

_________ Bet you think I'm sitting at home, no Bet you think that I'm all alone, no Bet you think I'm missing you and wishing you would call my phone Hell no! I'm somewhere on a beach Sipping something strong Got a new girl, she got it going on We drink all day, and party all night I'm way too gone to have you on my mind She got a body and she's naughty And she got me like you ain't never got me I'm getting sun, getting some, and I ain't slept in a week Yeah, I'm somewhere on a beach

I wish it could've worked out But I'm gettin' over you now On a beach towel with my shades on My drink's up And the sun's out Huh, I'm somewhere on a beach

---

Ned knew what he was going to do the second he left that house. He knew, looking at the little name tag emblazoned with Toni exactly what he was going to do. Find her, get her back, marry her, all’s well that ends well… Except before that had even had the chance to happen, he’d met you. Whether that meeting was coincidental, or just happened to be exactly what he needed, he didn’t know. But suddenly that big plan of his didn’t matter anymore. His mild obsession with you had him seeing you every chance he could – and every chance you would let him. You had that childish charm about you that he clearly still liked in women, but you were level too – and he liked that, because it finally kept him grounded. You were interested in his writing and what he did. And you liked him telling you what to do – like that… not like that. And he liked that too, because it put you on the same sexual wavelength, with similar libidos. So as Ned got to know you, and like you even more; days became weeks, became months. And Toni was buried at the back of his mind, and the back of one of his draws. He was quite happy to let her remain there too; until he happened to ask you to get him something from that particular draw. “Who is Toni?” You wandered back into the room he was sitting in, tapping his pen with annoyance on his notebook. You’d noticed this for a little while, something restless in the way he was writing. He couldn’t get anything out fast enough, but yet he seemed not to be able to get anything out at all. Maybe he was having writers block… You’d often wake up in the morning to find screwed up papers strewn all over the floor. You always tided them up, keeping them but never reading them. Just in case he ever wanted to pick up whatever plot threads he was cutting – but those words were his, until he decided to share them with you. But Ned valued your opinion, so every so often he’d give you a few pages to read and stand with a hopeful smile until you’d finished. He thrived on every drop of feedback you could give him. He’d seen your bookshelves and knew you were an avid reader… He looked up confused for a minute “Huh?” You held the name tag up; “Toni?” He noticed immediately that your tone was inquisitive, not accusational. “Oh. Sh*t. Do I still have that?!” Ned pushed his chair out and walked to you, holding his hand out for it. You placed it delicately in his palm and he sighed; “She’s my Ex-Fiancée.” Fiancée? He didn’t strike you as the marrying type. Maybe you were wrong. “Oh. I’m sorry.” His eyes flicked to your face; sorry? Why would you be sorry? He had you now… Without her being his Ex anything, he wouldn’t have you. “You don’t have to be sorry…” Ned’s fingers closed around the small piece of metal, “…We wouldn’t be here otherwise… And I certainly like you better…” You knew from the look on his face that he hadn’t meant it to come out the way it did, so you decided to ignore it, with a smile and stepped forward to offer him a kiss. Which he gratefully accepted. You nodded behind him to his writing; “How’s it going?” He hummed, trying to find the right words as he also looked back at his desk and multiple sheets of paper – you were at least happy to see that none had hit the floor yet. “Oh…” Ned’s arms snaked around you, “…It’s just 10,000 words of bullsh*t…” he shook his head “It doesn’t go anywhere it’s just… useless rambling…” He sighed; “I dunno what’s wrong…” Your hand found the one in which he still held the name tag; “Maybe you need a writing retreat… Maybe you should take her from your draw… and let her go.” His head swivelled slowly back to you, you thought maybe he wouldn’t like you saying that. You weren’t suggesting he still loved her, you weren’t even suggesting he ever thought of her. But taking him away for a little while, away from anything that could hold memories, might be exactly what he needed. And that look on his face told you that what you’d just said was exactly what he needed to hear… He let you lace your fingers with his behind your back; “Do you think that would help?” “I do…” Ned brushed his lips gently to yours and held you tighter; “Well, baby, where do you wanna go?” “Oh no…” You shook your head, “This one’s all yours.” ** So with the nametag buried at the bottom of his suitcase, you both packed up and headed out to some tropical island. And the first thing he did when you arrived was put his watch in the top draw. No time zone, no return flight, nothing. That’s what you wanted for him, to clear his head and get back to what he loved so much. For it to mean something again. It started slow, words here and there, two or three sentences before he had to get up and wander. Sometimes Ned told you to stay, and sometimes he wanted you to accompany him. But you noticed the walks became progressively shorter, and eventually there was a notebook involved, and he would wrap your hand around his arm, rather than interlock with your fingers, and produce this and a pen from his pocket and begin scribbling. And you liked that, it made you smile. But once again – you never asked to read it, he’d let you know when he was ready for that. When he was ready to disclose that vulnerability again. By the end of your second week he was writing for hours a day. And his breaks weren’t to live in his head or wander around – but were to pay attention to you. It hadn’t taken you long to become attuned to the way Ned was; so every so often you’d bring him coffee or water or what you knew he needed. And he was always grateful of that. You didn’t mind this distance, you were quite happy relaxing here yourself, sunbathing or exploring…. But now he was firmly back on the ground, and writing without yet tearing or screwing up one scrap of paper, he also seemed happier. So instead of just spending the occasional walk and meal times with him, now his breaks always started with him giving you that look – and ended with him pinning you up against some surface and having you whatever way he wanted. No no, hands here… that’s right darling… MMm hmmm… Like that… hush! Stop squirming!... Like this? Is that okay?... Good girl… but you enjoyed that too, it was like he was coming back, slowly. But even you knew that at the bottom of his bag that slip of metal still burned… One day you woke alone, and upon wandering out into the main room of the beach house you were renting discovered that Ned wasn’t there either. You only slightly panicked as you dressed, wiggling a shirt over your bikini and ran from the house. You stopped on the dunes as soon as you saw his silhouette in the distance, at the end of the short pier upon which were moored a series of small wooden boats. He was already dressed, shades on… And even from here you could see, as you wandered slowly over, the sunlight was glinting off something in his hands. You didn’t need to see it up close to know exactly what it was. You stood at the end of the pier with folded arms in silence and watched him. This was Ned’s to do, and his alone. His to think though, to sort, to end. If he wanted to end it… Maybe she was a writing muse and that’s why he couldn’t let go. Maybe it had just always been hard for Ned to let go of the past. He clasped his hand around the object and took a few steps back, shaking his head. And you tried not to get disappointed; the only way for him to gain any real freedom and breathing room from this was for him to let go. But then, perhaps he wasn’t ready. Then he paused again; and there were another few minutes of dead silence and hard thinking – if you listened you’d probably be able to hear the gears in his brain shifting… - he looked out to the sea and his stance was suddenly stronger. His decision was made; you knew that look. He took 3 or 4 running paces forward and threw it. That gold name tag with her name engraved in black was in the air barely seconds before it hit the water; and there was something poetic about it. It was a good throw too; and it hardly made a sound – then you knew it was done. She was gone, sinking to the bottom of the sea… He straightened again with a sigh, you knew of relief, and turned. You startled him and Ned stumbled a little; before acting like he meant to do it and using it to push into a jog down the pier to you instead; “…It’s done?” “Mmm… It’s over…” His hands snaked under your shirt as you pulled him to you; “You’re free now…” “Mmm… No… I’m just yours now.” And so he was. *** It was like a weight had lifted; he was jokey and playful and light hearted and he smiled more. He told you things he’d never told you before… even when it was clear to you he wasn’t all that comfortable talking about them. Like he was opening up a little more of his world to you – not all of it, you knew Ned Kendall would always be a lot to unpack; it was all there in the way he wrote. The words he was saying behind the words he was writing. But he’d tell you eventually, if he wanted to, or he’d keep his secrets – and you wouldn’t mind. Like that nametag was the last piece of a past he wished he didn’t have. The last piece he had to get rid of; not burry so he could revisit it. There was a certain maturity to the man sitting in front of you now that was appearing; dormant – you decided – simply invisible, not never there. It was like there was a new level of trust now, like he was willing to show you this, like he was ready to step up and be this person now, in this moment; and with you. No looking back, and no guessing the future…

It was also apparent in the way he wrote, how you’d see him smile for page upon pages. Sometimes he’d laugh at a private joke, or nod to himself if he wrote something he deemed pretty impressive. And you could watch him do that for hours – the TV was all but background noise; because he was truly fascinating. Watching a writer go through their process like this. How he’d stop and tap his pen, moving it through his fingers as he thought on a scene; or played dialogue through in his mind… then he’d jot down points elsewhere to remind him of something for later in the story. How sometimes his lips would part; and he’d say words without saying them. Or mutter things under his breath. You couldn’t always hear, but sometimes it was the same word repeated with different stresses. How were his characters saying these lines? What was the best word to use for the context of what was happening? Sometimes he’d call your name; “Y/N… Give me a word for…” or “Y/N… What’s that word that means…” even though he was the writer he valued what you had to say and every “No, no that… what else… No… No that one I used… AH! That’s it!” or “See, there, eloquence. Thank you!” made you smile. Because when you read back his work and you found that suggestion of yours, you knew you’d be beaming internally as well as externally. No one else reading it would know, but you would – there was a piece of you present in novels that would sell copies worldwide. That thought was exciting. Today Ned had started early, because the light that streamed into bedroom was pale when he left you. Not for want of trying to cling onto him and make him stay… “You know I don’t reward whining…” was an outright lie, but you let him go all the same; save for him maybe dragging you out of bed and across the floor as you wrapped around him. So, with one last kiss to your forehead he left you to fall back to sleep for a few hours. This behaviour wasn’t uncommon, sometimes you’d be woken up by a light in the middle of the night because he just had to write this scene in his head down. So again, you left him to it. And when you awoke you got ready for the day slowly, to give him as much time and silence as possible. As you padded from the bedroom to the kitchen, you caught his eye, and he followed you with a playful smirk; “Does it ever occur to you to, y’know, get dressed?” “…You like it better when I don’t…” you threw back over your shoulder, to a growl; “Besides… This is a bikini and we are literally living on a beach. So, this is dressed.” “My T-shirt is a nice addition.” You smiled, and set about making coffee; “…Thought you’d like that…” You turned back to him, biting his lower lip, and the array of coffee mugs over his desk; “I’d say you don’t need another one of these…” He gave a shrug “If you’re gonna look after me, I’ll defer to your good nature.” You took a sip of your own coffee and walked over to him, “Mmm, you better…” Ned’s eyes traced you for a moment and he put his pen down. “C’mere…” “Oh no, you’re busy…” “Don’t make me ask twice…” There was a glint in those eyes. You sat on the edge of his desk and took his hand, and his eyes fell to your coffee cup – “You’re going to eat too, right.” “Well I mean-” “That wasn’t a question – eat. You’re gonna need it.” You raised a questioning eyebrow; “Was that a promise..?” “Maybe.” But that little smile of his told you it was. “Okaaay.” “Good girl.” But before you could get up, he tugged you by the hand to pull you onto his lap; his hands caressed your bare skin as he kissed you; tasting like coffee and cigarette smoke. “See, now I don’t wanna leave…” You stole as many kisses as he let you, painfully aware that the way he was tracing you with his fingertips was meant to be teasing only. He was never going to give you what you wanted. “Well, how am I gonna work if you don’t leave…” “You pulled me here!” You kissed him again as you slid from his arms “Also, I hate you.” “I know…” he stretched and winked at you with an injection of confidence; “You won’t later though…” You laughed, gathering some of his empty coffee mugs with your own “Always later…” He laughed; “Worth the wait though…” You heard his pen begin to scratch at the surface of his notebook again; “…Thank you!” “…You’re welcome!” By the time you’d eaten, making a point of it so he knew, finished your coffee, washed and dried up and gathered your things for the beach it was very late morning. And Ned was once again back in the flow of writing. The heat was pretty scotching when you stood in it directly inside, and you knew it would only get worse. Also, you knew that Ned would possibly sit there for hours and hours and forget that he should really hydrate, so before you left you took him a few glasses of water; He slowed his writing speed down, but didn’t stop as his eyes flicked up to thank you. You simply shook your head with that same kind smile; there was no need to thank you. You shouldered your bag and again, rounded the desk to him – touching his arm delicately – he didn’t need words to know what that meant… and placed his hand over yours for a moment. He could write so much that he couldn’t say… and yet that unspoken language, of really knowing someone, still meant the most. You left him to walk to the double doors leading onto the beach and paused for a moment, sliding your shades from your hair to over your eyes and breathing in the sea air. He turned; with a smile of his own to watch you stand there in the light for a minute; yes, you might be his muse… but you were the right kind of muse. And more than anything he wanted you to be one that lasted. “No eating ice-cream without me.” You laughed; “Okay.” “I could just say no ice-cream.” “That’s unfair.” “Careful, babe.” Was that the second warning you’d had today? Third? “No ice-cream until I see you later. I know.” You repeated, Ned nodded to himself, “Have a good day…” “And you… Work hard!” He chuckled; “Yeah, I will…” With that you wandered off, back onto the golden sand and across to the resort that your little beach house was a part of. Ned placed his pen down again and pushed his chair out. He wanted to join you, of course he did. But something made him stop; that’s not what you wanted. You’d left him to get on with his novel, that was the exact purpose for you leaving with a bag too – so you wouldn’t have to come back to the villa and disturb him. She actually respects this is my work and I should keep going with this... He shook his head gently and pulled the chair back in; I should really thank her more for that… Glancing to the glasses of water in front of him, he picked one up; Hell, and this too… As he began to drink through the bottom of the glass he could see a blurry, but colourful shape. He paused and tipped the glass back straight, raising an eyebrow; “What?” running his fingertips underneath the glass he untacked the sticky note, and was once again laughing. It wasn’t much, but it meant a lot. You’d drawn a heart. Nothing more than that. Worth 1000 words… Ned stuck it to the inside of his notebook and leant on his hand just staring at it whilst time passed him by. Just a tiny gesture; but it made him smile. You made him smile… --- @dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad. @3134045126 - Without you Jax, this wouldn’t be written ❤

#When you clear the one at the bottom of the drafts #It feels SOOOO good #Ned Kendall #Ned kendall x Reader #Ned x Reader #Beautiful Kate #Like Tara... If I can get digs at Toni I freakin' will #I like her less than Tara so...#ARE YOU EVER FLOORED BY YOUR OWN WRITING!?#I WENT BACK TO READ THIS AND I JUST #HOLY SHIT #GURL #ben mendelsohn #with this my bois are all complete #74 #okay so this might be because I read a fic that BLEW ME AWAY and I realised I had to live up to that #BUT #I'm particularly proud of this one #Like a Sway level of proud with this one.#His writing process is mine. That's how I write.#I actually... really love... writing about a writer?#They do say write about what you know and I guess this is as close as we get in Mendo terms #I wanted to get some nod to his back in (cuz. this movie was a little gratuitous with it)#But it didn't fit the tone #so next time!#Jessika

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