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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

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My Boujee wealthy dark academia shifting story

Before I started manifesting money in this reality, I was super obsessed with the old money aesthetic, gossip girl, nepotism babies, and just anything money tbh, because obscene wealth has always been fascinating to me. I was honestly bored and feeling materistlic when I intended to go here solely for the purpose of ending this exploration crave lol. I’ll just list some of the thing I had fun doing and my experiences. I won’t get into specific stories because they’re probably just as you presume.

I’m going to first run through some of the most fascinating things I experienced and before I tell personal stories.

-Going to luxury rooftop bars and having drinks with my friends! This is one of my first realities where I was of age and had an extroverted personality so that was fun

-I Joined a super cool and high class sorority at my college. I always thought the concept of a sorority was cringe but we did a lot of volunteer work, and the communal family you have access to is beyond what I expected.

-Going on fancy night outs and renting the most expensive hotel room to have a relaxing night with friends and/ or throwing a giant high class party was the weekend norm. My ambivert self here is shocked that this is how some people live everyday haha.

- getting to be be a mysterious rich person, and legacy student at my university had its perk.

-my parents owned vacation homes in the aesthetic countrysides of Switzerland and France. Here I didn’t get the reasoning of having multiple homes,but when you travel often, it’s not as impractical as it seems.

-getting used to flying private. Not having to go through tsa and having a corsage of people to have travel be as easy as possible was so fun. I don’t travel often here and when I do it spikes my anxiety. Being surrounded by people and having to do all those checks stresses me out, and not dealing with that made traveling so much more fun.

-my parents created a huge scholarship fund to help low-income families. With a certain amounts of students winning every month. This scholarship covers all fees for college from boarding to school supplies to tuition costs to meal plans. I got to also sponsor an endangered animals. My choice was pandas :)

-getting to go to go to the met gala!

-Buying expensive rare and ancient plants! My dad bought a $20,000 olive tree for my mom to plant on our property, and it’s worth the price. Nature to me will always be priceless

The first thing that I think of when I reflect on what it is like being in the top .01% is the access to resources. Having access to a sizable personal fortune gives me the freedom to purchase anything I want and to travel anywhere in the world. I can indulge in luxuries that some people can only dream about.

It also brings with it a considerable amount of responsibility. As part of this elite group I have an obligation to use my resources to better the lives of those around me. For example, I have been able to make donations to charities and invest in causes that are important to me. I believe this is a great way to use my wealth to make a difference in the world.At times being in the top .01% was overwhelming. There is a certain level of pressure to make sure that my money is invested in responsible and rewarding ways. As well, many people view the wealthy with suspicion and resentment, which can be intimidating at times.

Anyways I want to expand on my experience attending the mega gala, bc that was easily my favorite night.My experience attending the Met gala was super cool, and a night to remember no matter what reality I’m in. I was so honored to be there for the first time ever. I vividly remember I was wearing a gorgeous navy blue satin dress with glittering jewels around the edges. The glittering jewels were a perfect complement to the gold sequins that adorn my dress as I made my way to the main event.inside, I was amazed by the opulence of the venue and how much effort has gone into creating such a beautiful spectacle. Everywhere I look I see incredible art installations, shimmering lights, and luxurious furnishings that all make me feel like I'm in a wonderland. To top it off, there's was incredible live music playing and the electrifying atmosphere that is enough to make anyone want to get up and dance.Of course, it wouldn't be a true Met Gala experience without some of the amazing food and drinks. From delicious hors d'oeuvres to exquisite sweet treats, everything was artfully prepared and presented, definitely making it a night to remember.

As the evening progresses, there was so much more to take in. Celebrities were mingling, taking pictures and making speeches; even just getting a chance to be in the same room with them was an incredible experience.My favorite moment was meeting a person I’m both of fan of here in this reality and that reality as well. I vividly remember Lily-Rose Depp gracefully walking through the hall, meeting people one by one and graciously talking to each of them.finally, it was my turn to meet her. She warmly shook my hand and asked me how I was doing. We began talking, and I found myself instantly at ease around her. We spoke about roles we've taken on in the past, our respective passions in life, and our favorite movies.

I was completely swept away by her enthusiasm for life and her willingness to connect on a deeper level with those around her. As we talked, I noticed that she kept casting glances around the hall- which I later found out was because she wanted to make sure that everyone present was enjoying themselves and feeling welcome. At the end of our conversation, she thanked me for taking the time to talk to her and added that if I ever needed anything, she'd be there to help out. I was holding back my giddy smile, trying to be as normal as possible, as I thanked her for her kindness.

I also vividly remember my upbringing and just how crazy wealthy people live.

Growing up, much of my time was spent attending events and dinners with other businesspeople. Although these were often overwhelming and boring at first, I gradually became more comfortable in such social settings and gained connections of my own.

Meanwhile, I also had access to mentors and peers from well-connected families. This allowed me to gain invaluable advice and knowledge on how to succeed in the professional world. In addition, to no surprise there were times when I was given advantages in certain situations due to my family ties. Doors that may have been closed to others opened up easily for me. This made it easier for me to take advantage of certain opportunities and advance my career. While this is true, it can often be a double-edged sword. Being a nepotism baby can make it hard to prove yourself, as there's always a nagging feeling that you got ahead because of a lucky birthright, but that of course in no ways compares to being born without connections. I think that’s something wealthy people tell their kids so they don’t feel like they didn’t work for anything because even if it’s true you don’t want the people you love to feel that way. Also, there's sometimes an element of guilt present due to knowing that others may not get the same opportunities as you. It can be difficult to separate what you've earned from what was given because of your family ties.

I was also lucky enough to have grown up in a huge mansion in the heart of Los Angeles, with all the bells and whistles that come with it. From the grand entrance walls adorned with family portraits and art to the private screening theaters and sprawling gardens, I'd say it's one of a kind.

The perks of living in a mansion come tenfold; I was on Tik tok the other day and saw people complaining (humble bragging) about the hardships of having a huge home. Growing up in one and having the experience now, it’s actually very common for rich people to portray their life as harder than it is to seem more human. It’s something we’re taught to do when we’re young so when I see it happen now, I’m like eye roll… I know exactly what you’re doing

Anyways I loved my house ! For starters, I loved my sunset pool that overlooks the city. It's the perfect place to enjoy a summer day in California with great views and a built-in Jacuzzi. Of course there's also my personal chef who helps whip up amazing meals for me and my family.

Having house help has made growing up here a breeze. Everyday necessities like laundry, chores and even grocery shopping are taken care of for me, leaving me more time to focus on things that really matter. I could write a list of things I needed, and the next morning everything I wrote would show up just like that, it was actually pretty dope. Not to mention the immense amount of help I get from my parents—they are both incredibly successful, so I'm always surrounded by people who, like them, have achieved incredible success.

More than anything, the best part of living here is that I get whatever I want. Shopping sprees, spa days and extravagant getaways are just a few of the indulgences that come with my lifestyle. I'm truly fortunate to have experienced a life of luxury and opulence—it's definitely given me a greater appreciation for all that I have been blessed with.

Lastly, I’m a big foodie no matter where I go so I’m also going to list some of my fav 5 star restaurants! I’m sure most if not all exist here as well so, if possible I would try them out!

-For seafood lovers, Manresa in Los Gatos, California is sure to tantalize your taste buds. With its commitment to local and sustainable ingredients, the restaurant offers an ever-changing menu that highlights delicious seafood dishes with a Californian flair. From the tantalizing tuna tartare and exquisite abalone dishes to the poached white sturgeon and Dungeness crab preparations, Manresa showcases its tasteful and creative cuisine that people rave about.

-If French cuisine is more to your liking, Alain Ducasse in Paris is sure to transport you to another world of classic French cuisine with a modern twist. During your visit, you'll enjoy dishes such as the butter-poached lobster tail, roasted poultry with Malavallee mushrooms, and crispy duck with crispy crimini mushrooms and creamy potato puree. And be sure to finish your meal with the magnificent desserts like the signature Mont Blanc cake.

-For a top-notch Italian experience, check out Osteria Francescana in Modena, Italy. Here you'll find an unforgettable Italian culinary experience with traditional dishes like beef cheek in Barolo wine, ravioli stuffed with prawns, zucchini flowers and stracciatella, and risotto with king crab. The family-run restaurant has come a long way since it first opened in 1995, achieving true worldwide fame for its simple yet lavish dishes.

-If you're planning a trip to Tokyo, you'll definitely want to make a stop at Sushi Saito. Not only is this two Michelin-starred restaurant applauded for its exquisite sushi and sashimi platters, but it's also home to the world's finest sushi chefs. From the uni and scallop nigiri to the tuna sashimi, each bite here is sure to delight your palate.

-Lastly, don't miss the opportunity to visit Geranium in Copenhagen and sample a unique take on modern Nordic cuisine. Chef Rasmus Kofoed delights guests with dishes that feature locally sourced, seasonal ingredients such as skyr ice cream, geoduck clams, and trout roe. With its innovative approach and bold flavors, Geranium has truly become one of the world’s finest restaurants.

No matter which five-star Michelin restaurant you choose, you can be sure that you'll experience exceptional food and service and leave with lasting memories of your sumptuous meal… but these were the most memorable to me.

Other than that I don’t really know what else to say unless you guys wanna hear specific things. It was a normal life, at least normal to me there because that’s just how I was raised 🥰🥰

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #law of attraction #shiftblr #reality shifting

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bacarasbabe · 1 year

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Hello hello my love, may I please ask about 21, 73 and 76? x

Hello my beloved 💕 I'm so sorry for the late response. I've started answering you multiple times but irl things kept getting in the way and I took a small break from here! Really, I just wanted to give you a serious answer that I took my time with instead of something rushed and not very well thought out. I hope you can forgive me darling.

21 - Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

I don't have very many chaptered fics but as I've been growing and evolving in my writing style I think I've begun to gravitate towords chaptered fics. I find a lot of joy in developing plotlines and characters through multiple chapters. It's an interesting and fun challenge to face, but one-shots will always hold a special place in my heart.

73 - What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing?

Hmm, this was interesting to disect but I think I get complemented on my aestetics the most lol.

76 - How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

Fyi, I've written the response to this question like five different times now. I think I've settled on an okay respose, but I wanted to take the time to get this right. I know so many fic writers and creators deal with stress, and not all of us come out the other side as creators still. While I'm unsure if my insights will be helpful to you, I hope you can find something valuable in my perspective.

(Full answer under the cut bc it's long.)

We've previously discussed the unique frustrations that fic writers face, particularly on this website. The constant barrage of anonymous asks, only inquiring about more content or the release date of the next chapter, the likes without comments or reblogs, and the limited interactions can wear you down over time. I know that I've felt the weight of these pressures and so have so many countless others. There are numerous other aspects I could complain about, but I am actively working on letting go and trying to move past these things.

It can be difficult when, at one point, fic writing felt like an avenue to engage in commentary, discussions, and the social aspects of the community, rather than merely producing content for others to enjoy. The stress and perceived pressure to consistently create began to erode my love for writing, prompting me to step away. I needed to distance myself from everything, and surprisingly, it turned out to be a positive decision. During my break, I created a side blog using a completely different email address, allowing me to enjoy things without feeling the need to hold myself to any standards or obligations. I granted myself permission to consume instead of constantly create, and to enjoy without worry. Taking that break was a significant step for me, enabling me to establish boundaries, which was exactly what I needed. I realized I had been giving too much, rushing through writing instead of savoring the process.

Now, with a story that I hold dear to my heart, I find myself in a place where I can dedicate myself to it and genuinely enjoy the journey. I am completing the story for myself because I genuinely want to, without the burden of writing other fics or constantly trying to entertain followers. Even with this mindset, I must admit that I don't have a comprehensive answer for you. After being away for over a year, gaining a fresh perspective on things helped immensely. Additionally, the words of a cherished mutual we share had a profound impact on me. They expressed, in their own way, that my fics are already complete the moment I posted them. Regardless of any future chapters promised. It's perfectly acceptable if I never post an ending because the audience is not entitled to one.

Dealing with writing pressure, whether it stems from internal expectations or external demands, requires a conscious effort to set boundaries and prioritize personal enjoyment and fulfillment. Taking breaks, gaining perspective, and finding solace in the fact that your creations are already complete can all contribute to a healthier and more enjoyable writing experience. Remember, your writing journey should ultimately be driven by your own passion and desire, rather than solely catering to the expectations of others. I know that this is easier said than done. I know. But hopefully you can take a piece of this and apply it to your own stess.

#fanfic asks

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years

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i noticed that i usually get anxious only when something can probably bring negative impact to me? for example, i recently didnt get reply to a message i sent someone, and my mind went spiralling to the point of anxiety attack bc i thought they hated me and no longer want anything to do with me, and it turns out they forgot to reply, and my anxiety is gone? but the thing is, i heard from mutual acquaintance that theyre actually going through stress in workplace, but seeing as i wasn't even supposed to know about this info, i don't feel any... empathy? i'm actually calmer now, and i suspect part of it is because i finally have the reassurance that they don't actually hate me + i don't have the pressure to support them mentally? like, sure, we're just project partner in a volunteer event, and we barely know each other so of course it makes sense that they don't divulge personal info like that, but still... i dom't know if my lack of care towards their wellbeing is normal? like, of course now that i know i will be kinder to them and not push too hard, but i also don't feel that obligation to check in or send moral support or anything? is this common or does this mean i have low empathy? not that anything's wrong with having no empathy, it's just that the anxiety i perceive as empathy might not be empathy at all, and i'm kinda curious about what i am

Hi anon,

I'm not sure that this singular instance is indicative of your level of empathy. I consider myself to be very empathetic and I only feel so bad when I discover the reason someone's been ghosting me. I think it can be humanizing to know why someone is acting the way they are, especially if they're struggling with a very real problem that a lot of people face, but there's no obligation to feel bad necessarily. Checking in or sending moral support is optional; it's a kind thing to do, but by no means necessary.

In order to determine your level of empathy, it would be worthwhile for you to reflect on other moments in your life where you felt like you could've been more empathetic, and maybe get a sense of how often that is or what that looks like for you.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks

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mandaloriandin · 3 years

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I swear to God some of you need to fucking go outside. Touch some grass. Maybe read a real book and quit consuming fan made content bc y'all are too fucking comfortable with the anon feature.

Since some of you apparently are so fucking confused, I've made a handy list of fun facts here for you!

Fun fact: Fandom content creators make things for fun in their free time! Many of them actually have real jobs they get paid for, and actual lives outside of your screen. They share their work because they are fun, lovely people who want to bring people some joy! You are not entitled to any of their stuff and its irritating and rude to pester people about updates

Fun fact: Using! Exclamation! Marks! Does! Not! Make! Your! Rude! Message! More! Friendly!!!!!! Hope this helps!! :) :)

Fun fact: Some of you people are so rude and bitter, that it wouldn't surprise me if you've never been in a relationship before, on account of nobody wanting to be around your stinky bitch ass for that long. For your benefit, im gonna let you in on a little secret about real-world relationships: people use pet names! Shocking, I know! But its real I swear. Source: I have been in a few relationships myself. Pet names like sweetheart, babygirl, beloved, my love, smart girl, baby, etc. Are all things people actually use in real life and are not in fact, derivatives of 1 specific fanfic writer. In fact, this might shock you, but even that specific fandom creator is using a real world endearment! Is your mind blown? Its okay, take a minute to absorb that.

Fun fact: You trying to "defend" your fave writers by sending hate to other writers even though their stories share nothing but a reader insert and 1 character is annoying as hell. A lot of writers on this site within a fandom are actually friends with each other and fucking hate that shit. Quit comparing works. Quit telling people their shit is similar when it isn't, quit being dickheads. If you aren't gonna leave a nice comment then fuck off.

Fun fact: On that note, even if the fics are similar, unless its straight up plagiarism then you don't need to comment on it. Did you know that basically everything is a derivative of everything? There are only so many characters in a fandom and so many tropes. You're gonna get repeated themes. Just shut the fuck up about it and enjoy the content. If you truly and genuinely do think someone is plagiarizing another creator's work, send the original creator a private message saying you just wanted them to be made aware and then let them take it from there. If they disagree, leave it. If they agree, let them take the lead and don't just go attacking people.

Fun fact: If you read any of this and thought "huh, I do that" then you need to go re-evaluate, fuckin learn to think critically, and maybe fuckin chill out a little. They're fictional characters, my friend. Its not that deep. Please put down your phone for a bit and go outside. And if you still feel like being a dick, well then make like a dick and get fucked :)

To all my favourite lovely and wonderful content creators: please take care of yourselves. Never feel pressure to update things or post more or interact if its too stressful or you're too busy. Your mental health comes first and we all understand! Also, be liberal with the block button. Delete rude asks. Never feel obligated to keep people around if they're making you feel like shit. Your actual nice fans understand, I promise.

#im actually like frothing rn im so mad #i hate seeing so many of my friends getting hate for NOTHING like who the fuck are you?? go get some fresh air fr #some of you people need fucking critical thinking skills #discourse #needed to vent about this lmao im actually vibrating im so mad

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carpisuns · 3 years

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do you ever get discouraged by social media? like the fact that a lot of interactions can never go beyond the surface level since you won't get to meet a lot of people irl or the fact that numbers seem to matter so much to how others perceive you? hope this isn't too heavy, just curious to hear your thoughts

hey, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this! but yes, i definitely know what you mean. social media can be a strange and disheartening space to be in because it's all about perception and not often about truly knowing someone. we all kind of have a version of ourselves that we put out there for the world to see, and it's not necessarily a completely false image, but it's also not the full picture, you know? and in a fandom space like this one, it's mostly built around a single interest or group of interest, which is great for surface-level bonding with people but not necessarily for a deeper relationship. so it can feel hard to build truly meaningful friendships sometimes.

i've been fortunate tho to meet some amazing people online that i now consider some of my dearest friends and closest confidants. it started with bonding over a shared interest, but then we found that we had more in common and started sharing things outside of that one interest and talking about our lives and supporting each other in both our hard times and good times. i feel really blessed and lucky to have these friends in my life, whether we ever get the chance to meet in person or not.

i'm not sure if you're actually looking for advice about this, but if you are, mine would be to just be kind and positive and enjoy interacting with people, and that may naturally lead to deeper friendship. that's how it's worked for me, at least. kinda depends on what your vibe is and how you prefer to interact online but i've made friends by sending asks/messages to people to let them know how much I enjoy their work and by hanging out in discord servers to chat about fandom stuff as well as general-interest stuff. might be a good place to start!

and as for numbers, yeah, that can be frustrating too! i'll be totally honest—i used to care way too much about numbers. at one point it lowkey became an obsession for me 😩 i'd be constantly checking to see how many followers i had and how much attention my posts were getting and i got too invested in watching the numbers go up and too frustrated when they would stagnate and most of all just too focused on comparing my following with other people's. it was especially bad on instagram bc everyone's follower count is on public display and art tends to get a lot more attention there, so i grew way faster and i also watched other people grow at like breakneck speed and leave me in the dust and i would get jealous,,,woof.

but there came a point when i realized that my focus on numbers was not healthy or enjoyable for me and it was making my fandom experience stressful and bitter rather than fun and chill. so i took a little break for a few weeks and really tried to gain some perspective with it all and it helped loads!! i mean i won't say i don't care about numbers at all anymore haha but they definitely don't have the same hold on me. my growth both here and on instagram has slowed down a lot but i honestly don't mind at all and actually may find that preferable haha. idk im just satisfied and comfortable where i am and what i find most fulfilling in fandom is my friendships and my interactions with other fans, not really the individual attention that I get. it's been nice to take the pressure off myself and not worry about performance and instead just kinda vibe lol. like i used to stress when I didn't post new art for a week, but now i just make stuff when i want to and let myself take my time and post when i'm ready instead of rushing out of some self-imposed sense of obligation.

i totally get people's desire to grow a bigger platform, especially creators who have professional ambitions, and it's awesome to celebrate with them when they hit milestones. but i hope that no matter where any of us are, we remember that our worth is not determined by our online following. and also that we are all just regular people with blogs! I think there's a tendency to treat bigger names in the fandom as like pseudo-celebrities or something (i've definitely been guilty of that ), but at the end of the day we're all just big nerds who like talking about a cartoon lol. it's nice when we can all just support each other and share content and discuss ideas and stuff without making people feel unduly pressured bc their following (like putting them on a pedestal, demanding a greater output of content, etc.) or making them feel lesser because of their lack of one. fandom is about community, not competition, and your contributions are valuable even if they get less attention that someone else's!

ok i feel like i've just rambled a lot, sorry lol idk if any of this was actually meaningful/helpful to you but i wish you the best and hope you feel less discouraged about this! 💜

#anon #ask

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greelin · 4 years

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dash stretch warning and medical talk ahead!!!

hey so! milo here! broke chronically AND mentally ill trans dude y’all know and possibly tolerate here! i really. really hate to do this and heavily went back and forth on it but the past month has been hell for me medically. our insurance went bust like a month before all this bc we couldn’t afford it due to covid. i had to do a trip to urgent care a few weeks ago, they assessed that i had a UTI, put me on meds, and i.. got infinitely worse. vomiting multiple times a day and a fever of over 101. to the point that my mother had to take me to the ER. they admitted me for several days bc the infection had spread to my kidneys and i was septic.

it was hell!! i have a lot of trauma wrt medical stuff (i was in the hospital for a month when i was six bc i’d contracted encephalitis/meningitis and it was. not a good time) and i was by myself (understandably with everything going on with the virus), and i was already super dazed and out of it and afraid but that didn’t help. at all.

they did manage to mostly clear everything up! i was on a lot of fluids and rosephin. they sent me home with about a week’s worth of antibiotics. i was supposed to follow up with a doctor in a week, as is standard procedure.

my stomach HATED me for that week. still does! i was having multiple issues that made it difficult to do anything besides, for lack of better, cleaner terms, either be in bed or in the bathroom. i got severely dehydrated. i started having pains again. not the same area, but still. massive amount of pain. my fever came back.

SO we went back to urgent care.... where literally all they did was take my vitals then call an ambulance bc my heart rate was over 160 and my blood pressure was super low and i genuinely was about to pass out. ($100 for that 15 min of waiting in the waiting room + 10 min of being in a room laying down bc i felt like i was gonna die, btw, but lol).

ambulance rides in the us are notoriously expensive, esp for poor fucks like me who don’t have insurance. but at the time i didn’t have a choice bc there was a chance of me going septic again and i wasn’t about to uh. die.

it was a deeply distressing experience but thankfully they did blood work, a urinalyses, another CT scan, put me on fluids, and i was discharged from the ER within several hours.

i know it’s a bad time for everyone rn and i feel immensely awful even putting this out there, i just.. do not know what to do rn lol. i am uninsured. i an unemployed and could not finish out my final two weeks at my previous job bc i was hospitalized (the reason i quit being i just moved and the commute wouldn’t be worth it ultimately), and the small amount of money i do have saved up has to go to like.. rent. car. mental health medication (that’s now $60 for half the amount i used to get for $5 🥴). i don’t know when i’ll be able to find a job rn due to my health being Everywhere at the moment + covid being a thing.

we received the first bill for my first hospital stint ($746 only but my mother jokes that that’s probably. for like. the motrin they gave me in the waiting room when i got there lmao) but we know there are gonna be tons more. they did multiple CT scans while i was there. tons of blood work. a lot of pain medication.

at this point i’m just.. super stressed. i know there’s tons of shit going on and i have absolutely nothing to offer in return, but if anyone happens to have like. a spare $2 or something to send my way, it would help immensely. all of this shit hit at the worse possible time, as life often seems to work, and i just... idk!

please, PLEASE, no one feel obligated to share this or help in any way; i just.. am super desperate and scared rn about how i’m going to get through everything with this much debt and no job. i’m sorry for the word vomit and wasting anyone’s time, it’s just.. a really hard time for me rn. i tried to apply for insurance but i haven’t heard anything back and i don’t know if i’ll be accepted

thank you for reading!!!! sorry again.

#idk what else to do here and again please #PLEASE do not feel obligated to do anything wrt this #i just. am super desperate at this point and this is a really low place for me #and i dont even want to buy groceries to feed myself at this point bc. Money #jst. thank you to anyone who even reads this #im really genuinely sorry

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kae-karo · 3 years

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fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜

#writing

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stubblesandwich · 4 years

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ONCE AGAIN I AGREE COMPLETELY!

Tbh, I hadn't thought about the military wife correlation but wow. It's so fitting for them and I'm having THOUGHTS. Okay but all they have been through, Dean's obviously psdt, anger issues, alcoholism — MILITARY WIFE TROPE!

And yes, Lisa accepted who he was: a hunter. She said it herself, Dean, you aren't a house builder. You are a hunter. Yet, she wanted to try it. She wanted him to come and go, so he could have his family and not give up this enormous part of himself. You can go. Me and Ben will be here. Just come back in one piece, okay?

Not go mention how marvelous he was with Ben. QUESTION: do you think he was Dean's son biologically?

Kripke's era will always be the best. I understand you 100%. It's been 15 seasons and I don't want the show to end, yet I admit that s5 ending was most accurate ending and wrapped everything up good even though we cey bc SAMMY COME BACK HOME OK

Whenever I see people hating on Lis, it's mostly to build up other ships or in a very misogynic. Calling her a bitch, slut, whore, saying she "didn't change Dean like a woman should" (wtf???). She was strong, independent, and gave him everything he dreamed about.

It would be so good if they were a bit loyal to the original ending in that matter. Giving Dean a family again, my boy deserves it. Imagine him going for Lisa and Ben again.

Asofhasdf the military wife thing is so perfect honestly. I have a headcanon too that she joined an online support group, to help her know how to help Dean. Either for military spouses/partners or partners of those with PTSD. I could see her researching into that more to find the best ways for her to support him, emotionally. And that thought fills my heart near to bursting. She made that comment about “when the guy who basically saved the world shows up on your doorstep, you expect him to have a few issues” and I’d just like to unpack that, pls.

I think about what Dean said to Bobby and Sam, about when he first showed up on their doorstep. How he drank too much and had nightmares, was half out of his head with grief. I could dwell in that angst sandwich forever. I think about Dean trying to hide all of that from Lisa and Ben, or at least pretend to have himself somewhat put together for their sakes, and just cracking under the pressure of it. Hence the nightmares. And the drinking.

For Dean to admit to Sam and Bobby that he was a mess and had those nightmares…. Boy howdy, they must have been some bad ones. I think that’s the first time he’s ever admitted to having nightmares, at least in a way that wasn’t a self depreciating joke. Dean’s not exactly up on psychology lingo—what if he really meant night terrors, which are infinitely worse? Ugh, my poor boy. And amazing Lisa, willing and wanting to be there for him. Be still, my heart!

The “just come back in one piece line” really got me, ugh. And then when Lisa admits later that she gets anxiety from phone calls, worried that it’s Sam calling to tell her Dean is dead. Lord! The angst! Why couldn’t I have had more of that? I don’t think Lisa could have stayed that signature cool forever; I think the stress of it and Dean actually coming home with some new scars would take it’s toll on her, and they’d have some issues to work through. But I would have loved to see them try to make it work long term.

You are RIGHT to say that Dean was marvelous with Ben. It was so great and I miss it so much, ugh. As far as Ben being Dean’s, biologically… man. I don’t know! On the one hand, sure, it’s possible. Did you ever watch The Office? Kind of reminds me of the end of the series (spoiler alert, I guess) where Angela tells Dwight that her son Phillip isn’t his. And Dwight tells her that he’ll raise 100 of her bastard children if it means he gets to be with her. But it turns out Phillip really is Dwight’s son, and Angela just wanted to make sure Dwight wanted to be with her for HER, instead of out of obligation to his son.

I could see a scenario where that’s what Lisa did. She didn’t want Dean to feel pressured to stick around, or be there for Ben out of obligation, so she lied about Dean being Ben’s real dad. And man, wouldn’t that be something? Dean finds out years later, after he’s already married Lisa (in whatever way he can, probably just symbolically, since he’s legally dead) and formally adopted Ben, that Ben really is his son. I don’t think it would change anything for Dean, except the balloon of pride that would swell up in his chest at the idea of a kid as awesome as Ben being HIS son. But, it doesn’t matter, really, and there’s something really special about that. I don’t think Ben being biologically his could make Dean love Ben any more than he already does. Which is beautiful.

The question really is: would Ben being his biological son have made Dean stay, or at least not wipe out their memories of him? I think if everything played out the way it did and Dean still thought he was this colossal burden on their lives, he still would have wiped their memories. D: I hate it.

And yes, let the record show, I need Sam to be out of hell and have his soul intact. A perfect ending for Dean involves that, too.

People get pretty into their shipping wars. It’s like they get territorial, and Dean being with Lisa in canon is a threat to their fanon relationships, or other canon ships they like better. But Lisa is monumentally cool, and she doesn’t deserve the hate when all she’s done is be there for Dean, accept him, welcome him, and love him. She trusted him so much! She was even willing to reconcile after all the vampire nonsense. It was Dean who kept pushing her away. (I’m never going to be over the vampire stuff, ever.)

I can’t see them bringing Lisa and Ben back for the series finale, and that’s such a shame. So much lost potential. Imagine Dean having another kid with Lisa! Imagine Ben becoming a big brother! Imagine Dean being able to have his own family, be a father in a real way! Imagine him living his own dreams and being adored and loved. I can’t even handle it. Fanfiction, here I come.

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tanjirou-imagines · 5 years

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Quick question, author-san, do you (or anyone else here, really) have any tips on how to... uh... adulthood? I'm turning to the age that allows me to get my driving license, identification card and all that jazz. I'm also going to start college/uni soon. Problem is, I'm super indecisive and I still can't decide which college/uni—let alone which MAJOR—I want to take. To say I'm terrified of what lies ahead would be an understatement... - mirror anon

(if anyone else wants to weigh in on this, you’re welcome to!)

mirror anon, i think we’re either at or around the same age! so in truth… i’m unqualified to answer your ask, but i’m giving you this list of tips anyway. fair warning, but i’m gonna be straightforward with you bc i don’t wanna baby you about important shit like this.

1) think of being an adult as a process, an inevitable one.

you can’t avoid it. being an adult is a crucial role in your life. you might not want to be an adult but you will, and as an adult you have more responsibilities than you did before. there’s insurance, cards (like your identification card), and then you have your future to prepare for. your adult life is full of possibilities, but you could lose them if you give in to your terror. or you can create and chase your dreams for the future.

adulthood being a process is why you’re studying what you are now, so that you’ll have knowledge when you’re an adult. if you don’t, you simply learn it from experience. this is also what many philosophers have been stressing for centuries—that experience is important. it’s what makes you an adult and it’s important bc it’ll increase your knowledge. your past experience is what you can learn from bc if it happens again, you already know what you’re going to do. everything can be reflected upon.

although it’s very normal to be terrified of adulthood, don’t use it as an excuse to be close-minded with your fears in your heart, or you’ll never grow up.

2) be wise when picking your major or program

pick a major or program that does one or more of these things—it interests you, it makes you happy, it’s enjoyable to you, you have skills for it, or it’s what you love doing. don’t pick one out of obligation, don’t be dismissive about picking one, and don’t pick one bc it suddenly pops in your mind.

your major or program is really important bc it’s what you’ll be studying for years, so it’s best if you pick one that you have skills at—or that does one or more of the things i said before. bc if you pick a major or program that you have no interest in, are uninspired about, or suck at, you’ll have a shitty time at college/uni, with low grades, little to no motivation, and will end up changing your major or program—all of it becoming a waste of your time.

college/uni is a lot of work. exams are gonna make you go crazy and you’ll lose sleep to study, so if you’re not passionate over your chosen field you’re gonna hate even just waking up another day to attend your lectures.

i know not all schools have counselors, but if yours does then talking to the counselors there about college/uni might also help with this too.

3) don’t obsess too much about the becoming an adult part of adulthood.

adulthood doesn’t magically start once you’re 18 (the age when you’re legally considered an adult in my country). adulthood is a learned thing. it takes years to feel like you’ve finally become a legit adult. until then you’re just a duckling taking your first steps into the world that your parents have shielded you from all these years. you can consider yourself an adult when you learn to think maturely, act like a professional, and have thrown away immaturity.

you can be chill about adulthood, but not obsessing about it doesn’t mean you should let your guard down entirely. don’t run away from your responsibilities—that’s being cowardly—but don’t feel pressured either into being an adult, bc being one doesn’t mean you’ll instantly stop having fun and stop enjoying being a teenager. what it means is that you’ll simply be getting more responsibilities as a citizen of your country. as an adult you’ll be independent, graduate from college/uni, find a stable job, and do things at your own pace.

4) don’t trap yourself into thinking that age is everything, or that bc you’re a certain age that you need to be doing something.

it isn’t everything and you don’t need to. there are even adults, many older than you, out there who don’t know what they’re doing. age is a stupid social construct and at 18 you’re still very young, just with a few more liberties and some more responsibilities. that is to say, you’re still figuring things out, so worrying and losing sleep over things that can or cannot be done is just overkill for your mental health.

things like getting your driving license can wait. a lot of things can wait until you’re ready. don’t decide things rashly just bc society pressures you to get a license as soon as you turn legal, or bc someone pressures you to do it. bc tbh we all know social pressure is a bitch and does nothing but stack anxieties upon anxieties simply bc someone else did all that in one week after turning 18.

5) in adulthood you’ll need someone to guide you, to tell you don’t do this, do this instead and that’s OKAY.

bc no one’s ever learned shit just by existing and not doing anything. your parents and teachers are called parents and teachers for a reason. for example, with your identification card, your parents can guide you in doing what you need to do in order to get your identification card. maybe it’s going to city hall, asking for an adult id, filling all the documents, and then waiting a week for your id card to be delivered in the mail, or maybe it’s different in your country.

my last tip for you, mirror anon, is to follow your heart with whatever you do, even if it might attract criticism from others, and that you really won’t know—for example, what college/uni is like—until you try. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

#mirror anon

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gg-astrology · 6 years

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If you have the time, could you do a quick overview for Xiumin (exo) for his ideal type/romance or just his chart in general? No rush of course. Thanks in advance, you're crazy talented at this. ❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💞💞💞 I can do his overview no probs!! 💞💞 This probably won’t be talking about his ideal type/romance but I hope you like it! 💞

[EXO Xiumin/Kim Minseok Overview]

🚫long post 🚫

I wrote SO MUCH for this but then I lost it all because my computer decides to shut off so im sorry if this is :((( shorter than expected.

Aries Sun | Pisces Moon | Aries Mercury | Aquarius Venus and Mars

God ok so I hope I make it in time for his birthday still and I’ll give a quick… overview of the main points I’ve talked about before it shuts off

The first thing to talk about are those Aquarius Venus/Mars he has because damn that’s an incredible thing to have?? I’m going to talk about the placement first before we dive into the aspects

A lot of incredible dancers in the idol industry tends to have aspects to Aquarius– particularly Aquarius Mars/Sun (Chungha, Hoseok, Seulgi oh and Jongin also has?? Aquarius stuff as well??)

With Minseok, this Aquarius is probably an understated but really really powerful side to him thats– amazing to see honestly!!

Part of why Aquarius placements are incredible is because they have a lot of persevering power. Not just as a fixed/air sign, but also because of his Aries (Sun/Mars sextile) and how it’s working together in his manifestation

Bodily, physically. There’s a lot of tangibility (physicality) to Aquarius even if most interpretation talks about the mind/energy that they embody. It’s the translation of those energy (external/stimuli/noises/source) into something that’s grounded (fixed) onto the physical body– movement, dancing, interpretation of immaterial things into the physicality of the situation/reality is something that Aquarians have an incredible ability to do intuitively as well.

See the thing about Aquarius is that they embody both the ‘learning/conditioning’ aspect of a craft (certain aspects of the topic, like say ‘teaching’ themselves to do something, incredible perseverance/discipline in this regards) as well as the intuitive/analysis quality of it that comes from the ‘self/self-expression’

It’s a combination of Saturnian energy and Uranian energy. That Uranian energy in particular– taking something that’s been learnt and progressing/leading into something that’s ‘moving forward’ with (’yes we know that but then what now/what next’). Having the space/freedom in order to do so.

These people embody a lot of discipline/control that comes from their own mindset/values (not what socially regarded) and without the ‘title/responsibility’ set on them ‘officially’ by other people (authority giving them titles of ‘leaders’ in something) – they can excel in so many different areas they set their mind to. And that has to do with the ‘freedom’ they are given and their ability to work well on their own terms/set themselves up for it.

You can see your local Aquarius excelling well at something that doesn’t burden them with titles– often times, Aquarius are said to be rebellious and free-spirited but it has more to do with the mind-set or restrictions (lack thereof) that is set upon them by others/themselves.

Aquarius ARE discipline, but more like SELF-discipline in what THEY want to do. Aquarius works so well when they have a purpose, a space, an area where they can just push their energy into and do their work/show their skill-sets and adjust others as they see needed.

The dominance/control over their own skills and being respected/admired on the subject helps the Aquarius placements a lot– there’s no pressure of anything ‘official’ but the work speaks for itself, and the respect/admiration/people coming to them for advice truly helps them take on the lead/flourish in what they do.

There’s integrity here, in the way that they demonstrate rather than speak. They are people who really do ‘fix’ alot of their energy into driving power/force of what their skills are/what they do. Aquarius energy (Saturn/Uranus) often let people notice a couple of things about them:

1) They are naturally disciplined, capable achievers and leaders, able to work on their own and with a team. They can handle shit and often times, their Saturnian energy really do enhance their critical eye and they are able to give constructive/creative advice without offending too many people (maybe not in regards to emotions/others insecurities) because it comes from a place of understanding/truly wanting to see manifestation in something and not undermining anyone’s ability as they do ‘the best that they can’

2) They don’t notice that they stand out, even when they’re doing nothing. Its the way they carry themselves, with grace and capabilities. True power of these Aquarians comes from within and their ability to detect and ‘filter’ the bad/good intentions from people.

Aquarius Venus in particular, can be good at helping others problems out more so than themselves sometimes. In a way, they ARE invested in helping out others but most might not notice this/take offense to it because they can be focused on analyzing/thinking about the problems (and can come off as quite blunt) instead of highlighting/knowing how to word things right (cushion it) to show how understanding/compassionate they truly are (misunderstanding).

At the same time there’s a strong driving force in focusing on themselves. No messy, no non-sense. Often times they’re fun-loving people but within the square they’ve drawn up for themselves. Discipline remember? If they deem something as ‘tasteless’ then that’s that on that.

Aquarius ‘fixed/air’ nature is more about the driving force– the movement of getting yourself into this motion/gear of constant movement (air) and the repeated pattern of it. Most Aquarius placements may have to find a way to ‘break’ out of the mold they made for themselves– they are quite self-aware as well so I’m sure most would always notice when they ‘lack’ something and tries to work on it consciously by themselves (through social interaction– often times when people complain that they ‘lack’ compassion or ‘hurt’ others intentionally)

Most people who give constructive criticism to Aquarius would often mention begrudgingly that they ARE honest/truthful but at the same time, they may often disregard certain emotionality level to it (and thats the main problem for them).

The Aquarius driving motion– is thinking over the latter part and finding ‘steps’ to overcome it, once they have step one in mind they start implementing it. They work on a trial and error, most of the time as they go (in order to remedy the problem/deal with things as they come).

Aquarius Venus often has people thinking they’re: ‘freedom loving!!!’ and ‘friendly’ even when it’s?? the ‘result’ of what they’re prompted to do (reaction) not the ‘reasoning’ (like say there’s more to it beneath the layer than that and you can’t take things on a surface level if you want to understand them/have to actually ask/get to know them to not cause misunderstanding)

What you see isn’t exactly how it is. They’re friendly because they believe in universality, it’s politeness in a way– decency and respect for others/that should be given back to them. If you cross that line, they have no obligation to be ‘friendly’ towards you – they’re not gonna lie there and take it. You have to learn how to understand how they work as well.

‘Freedom loving’ in another way is a case of privacy/personal space, it’s being grounded in oneself (like an earth sign) and a self-expression. It’s for them, not for you. Don’t get it twisted thinking you can’t ground them, ‘freedom-loving’ is a way they ground themselves. This isn’t your call to make, it’s theirs. So respect that too!

Most people don’t think they’re polite because they’re blunt– but they are polite. They’re thoughtful, just need to develop consideration more sometimes.

There’s a lot of dichotomy/things we can go through with them because y know– they symbolize two things. The water carrier/vase thing and the the water flowing out. Much like how the other air signs have duality in them, Aquarius has this too but may be more concerned/stressed about how other people ‘dont fully understand them’ but yeah. We’ll get to that soon (in other posts maybe)

So that’s part of how he comes across to others, probably at the beginning. There’s a respectful distance with strangers/new people sometimes– observing, can sometimes be a little distance/detached but he has enough nervous energy and friendliness (personability) to not like– come across as someone who’s unreasonable/you can’t get along with sometimes

(If you’re not much of an overly teasing/dramatic person because that can throw them off a bit bc ‘tf bitch?? we’re not that close yet you can’t do that’ – Saturnian Aquarius respectable energy)

His true core however– Sun/Moon (and Mercury) combination IS someone who’s quite playful. Often quirky, has a sense of humour that’s quite quirky even if he doesn’t SAY say things but rather SHOW it instead (emotionality and compassion flows out more than is said/translated through communication sometimes)

The main beef here is with that Pisces Moon which really really shines a lot. Minseok essentially — is such a compassionate, sensitive, sentimental (sensual) person at his core. In terms of subconscious, the internal and his emotions, it translates to how he cares about others, his dream/goals and how he expresses himself so much.

This is the driving force– the Aries acts as the outlets and the way he goes about getting things/doing things. Pisces is the prompter. It’s the part of him that feels, fears, deals and settles things internally. It’s the part of him that creates dimensionality and layers sometimes. Strong need for self-expression and connectivity with others.

Those with Pisces Moon often tends to be someone who finds themselves using creative media/outlets in order to manifest themselves, because it’s a way they can push all that scattered nervous/anxious/worrier energy out into something that they enjoy and can connect to others as well. They may ‘depend’ on something (music, writing, art, creating something) and often when they’re alone– they may tend to day-dream or let their mind get some ‘rest’ and can come off as someone who has a lot of internal energy they can utilize into the external (if you’re friends with them)

Amazingly receptive to other people’s emotionality as well, they’re one the fastest people to be fond of others and may often let others cling/hold on/take care of them (or be taken care of but that may happen less often) – most pisces moon people are incredible actors, because they are able to put themselves in other people’s shoes and can ‘feel’ emotions as if they’re going through the same thing (highly imaginative)

The more they suffer/think of scenarios that makes them suffer the more they get emotional, there’s an element to them that’s self-suffering sometimes (not always)– as in, they may somethings be the kind of worrier that over-stress something/has a habit of doing that (over-think/analyze something) that they may self-doubt or push themselves into the ground (hesitance)

Because they’re rather fearful of being ‘overly optimistic/hopeful’ and not have that handed to them in a plate (which is why achievements are kinda met with a confused, happy, scared kinda approach sometimes) – they’d rather think ‘realistically’ and self-sabotage themselves from their ‘dream/first choice’ if they let this element of worrying overwhelm them.

On the other hand, he does have a lot of Aries placements that may be the ‘dependency’ crutch. As in, if his Pisces dreams gets too overwhelming/scary because it’s so hopeful– the Aries is bumped up to help provide support.

Anything he doesn’t earn with his own two hands (bare hands) and hasn’t climbed/rightfully felt he achieved he doesn’t take. It has to feel like he ‘earned’ it somehow — a sense of principality, if he’s put in effort/worked hard for it then it comes with a price that’s he’s paid. The Aries aims for a perfectionist state (much like it’s sister Libra) but the process is more through proving themselves, rather than tactic/prepped-work/strategy sometimes.

Pisces can also be— scared of criticism, or worry a lot about perspectives. Other people’s perspective, consideration for things. The overall sensitivity and sentimentality to certain things can often make them pace back and forth by themselves figuring out what to do and how to do things without acting much on it.

Whilst Aries (polarizing force) can be the absence of that – going back to the basics (full circle) instinct, what they want, the main ‘core’ of the thing tightly wrapped and concentrated/focused on. The sheer belief in something that pushes native through the achieving their goals/dreams without ‘thinking too much’ about things uselessly (efficiency)

The thing about this is, you have one side of him that does think things through. Is sensitive, considerate. Vulnerable and learn a lot from others (want to share it with others) – but he doesn’t speak/say. He doesn’t pull attention to it because maybe who knows who’s going to judge him (criticism) and Aries is against vulnerabilities/exposure of that or rather– talking about it in a way that leaves them defenseless and cuts down on their credibility (it’s like opening the self up bare and the other person looking down on them/stomping on/not understanding them)

Aries/Pisces combination is more SHOWING through his self-expression, how it’s received. Learning it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in a way– because he has plenty of strengths (Aries/Aquarius) that carrying personal things by himself can become burdensome on his psyche if he doesn’t ‘share’ it with others sometimes as well (Jupiterian influence)

This Pisces Moon gets stronger, more developed as it expresses itself. There’s moments where he’s intuitive, soft and sensitive and can’t hold back his tears/compassion for others. And there’s time where he’d rather support, encourage, motivate or direct/guide others instead.

There’s a duality to this nature here. Where on one hand— you get Aries who’s confident, self-assured, may be blunt/crass and decisive. And then there’s Pisces who’s hesitant, sensitive, compassionate/willing to listen but also needs time to itself as well (both do, Aries in order to manifest/do things for the ‘self’ and Pisces to cover emotionally from taking in so many stimuli from the environment)

If you don’t know him that well— there are moments where his Aries may discredit his Pisces side. Sometimes he’s someone who is blunt, straight-forward. Someone who is decisive, based on fair play and honesty– focused on principality. If you want something this is something that is earned/worked for it. Can be quite stubborn, may limit his vision because he can see things from his experience. And sometimes his Pisces takes over, someone who worries, over-stress, hesitant and indecisive.

You have a duality here of someone who can be pretty vulnerable (or weak-minded) and someone who is also strong, resilience and sure of themselves (confident, strong-minded) you get a mixture of a person who have to balance the two together— because they make full circle right?

How to not get stuck in either Aries or Pisces but rather balance them both – develop both essentially.

It’s like on certain topics his Aries takes control– this is how it is, that’s how to get there. This is a sure-fire decision. Talking more about the things they need to tick off. And then on certain topics, there’s a deliberate consideration of emotionality on topics. The goal for Aries/Pisces ultimately is to work from one energy to the other – if you’re a Pisces thinking phrase right now, instead of discrediting your work it’s using that Aries energy to not suppress it (but encourage it/speed it up) it order for it to reach something the Aries can take the banton from and run with (manifest)

If you’re an Aries thinking phase, it’s adding that heavier element (expansive/wider) of Pisces to your thinking and not dismissing it. It’s working with what you have, because essentially – you don’t want to suppress/cut one side off but see it work/develop nicely to do a relay run with both doing it’s equal parts.

Pisces Moon can also make for someone who needs time to retreat back into themselves– for their emotional state, like being at home/sleeping in order to ground themselves/recharge from their environment. Because they can expend so much of their energy on mundane/external task, being at home and being able to enjoy the simplicity/joys of life really brings them a lot of joy.

Another thing to touch on is that Aries Sun/Mercury – combine with Aquarius in his placements, he can be someone who is essentially very strong. The trouble with the overly worrying Pisces is one of the main vulnerabilities that should be addressed, because it ultimately balances this ‘strength’ with sensitivity and emotional receptivity but also enhances a fear (Pisces) of being misunderstood (Aries/Aquarius) as well.

Anyways… Aries Sun/Mercury and it’s strength. A lot of people think ‘oh Aries they HAVE to be loud and crass’ – that’s not necessarily true. Most prominent is their laid-back nature, they’re concentrated on themselves and their experience. An Aries is less judge-y on you than earth signs sometimes, because they don’t ‘measure’ things like others tend to do.

An Aries respect their personal individuality/freedom, celebrates their own strength/individuality (when it’s healthy) and thus– they celebrate yours/give you the space to do that for yourself. You rarely meet an Aries who doesn’t take personal offense to someone calling them ‘dishonest’ because it’s an attack on their personal integrity (prompt -> reactor)

None of the messy shit, Aries is more of a defensive sign than an offensive one (compared to Scorpio it’s counterpart)

‘A baby doesn’t cry out of nowhere, it’s prompted by something and that crying (complaining) is a reaction to it’ – Aries level of expression is more concentrated about reacting to the stimuli, rather than explaining the stimuli/reasoning behind it’s stressors.

It’s more of an action-y type because it shows through demonstration, and in a way a stability in themselves that they are principled and trustworthy. They don’t take kindly to others who don’t have this sense of fair-play or don’t ‘walk the way they talk the talk’ for. Bluffers in particular, has to bring their A-game in (no non-sense in a way even though they ARE silly and playful people themselves)

In a way it’s also self-discipline. In a way they trust/believe in certain things and ‘do’ something about it. Aries ARE persevering, this comes from Aries before it moves onto Taurus.

An Aries may not be patient but they are persevering, the kind where they butt their heads against the wall and if it doesn’t budge– ‘think smarter not harder’ and try something else (that motion of charging/working/finding something that ‘fits the lock’ and is ‘right’ – cardinal/fire – instinctual/decisive) before a taurus (post Aries who found the ‘right lock’ – continues to butt its head there until it gives – fixed/earth)

Aries can be great at team-work because they DO care about others, they DO show compassion and are kind to others. Most people for some reason disregard this because they don’t understand/appreciate how the Aries work (compared to Libra/Venusian signs). But it’s in the way they observe from a distance– knows when you’re down/struggling and gives you the time/space to work shit out on your own by blocking challenges/possible threats that will hinder you even more by putting themselves in the way of it for you.

They pull attention AWAY from you when you need the space/time to work through your shit, yes you can struggle but they need you to meet them halfway because they can’t solve your personal problem for you. YOU need to do it, but an Aries is there to protect, guard, shield and encourage/motivate/cheer you up if you need them by your side.

An Aries cares in the way they initiate things for you, if you’re a rather shy person they start the interaction. If you don’t want attention they pull it away from you. They care when they sit down with you to check in, giving you their concentration/attention and honesty.

An Aries cares– sometimes, in the way they physically put themselves in front of you if you don’t want to be seen (or doing things/urging you to do things that are good for you) the way they face things heads on for you and handle challenges in order for you to have more time figuring your shit out.

They care in the way they physically reassure you– a hand around your shoulder, validation, a nod, whatever you need if they can give. They won’t over-do it but they will care and accept you if you give them a chance to do so.

They’re close-minded when it comes to themselves, more ‘free-minded/open-minded’ when it comes to others. Trust in an Aries, if you need direction or some stability – they’re great people to be around because they exert more of themselves to make up for the lack of yours.

These sister signs (Libra/Aries) is about balance– an Aries will know when you’re not exerting yourself/need them to do something in order to equalize the interaction and they will do it. They’re great supporters in the team, as well as leaders if you need them to be.

But more so than that, they just want freedom to be themselves. You can’t place responsibilities on someone but give them restrictions that makes no sense (linearly) established structure or enough room to ‘bounce off the wall/make their own path’ helps a lot too.

Non-messy, simplistic. In a way that if something works in the way it’s supposed to then it will. Back to the basics, the clear simple solutions is appreciated (no nonsense) don’t play mind games unless both sides are consented/knows the rules and agreed to play.

They may enjoy stimuli and equal game-play than they realize– essentially what an Aries want is banter in a way that’s naturalized/organic and plays to the advantage of BOTH individual involved (or more if there’s more participants) – similarities to Libra but in a way that’s more observable/manifestive (fair play, fair minded, balanced in an intuitive way but you gotta bring your game/meet them half way because they can’t solve/bend themselves back for you bc thats not?? fair or healthy.)

Libra/Aries perfectionist streak when it comes to Aries is more about that perseverance strength– tenacity. Aries sets its eyes on something and then manifestation is something they do. Sometimes they can be obstinate, doesn’t listen to others because if they want it they will do it (and occasionally out of spite as well)

Personal freedom comes with a balance of privacy/private space– and this is something that is amplified by Pisces Moon as well (need to ground) – for an Aries, grounding is being active/feeling productive in what they do. It’s stimulation (fire) that feels like it’s going somewhere– moving flame, and some of the fear/frustration comes with fearing the fire will burn out if it doesn’t get enough wind/action going on. Passion is represented in the flames.

Aries may find themselves frustrated if they don’t feel like they’ve manifested/fulfilled something out– often being hard on themselves for ‘starting and not finishing’ or seeing something fulfilled (stubborn, can sometimes try to remedy/finish a goal by persistently doing it anyways even if they don’t want to anymore because they believe in principle of it instead of reasoning/listening to their own emotionality sometimes)

Besides this– Aries/Aquarius makes for someone who enjoys thrills, often times mental/visual stimulation (VR is more of a Pisces thing but the physicality of movement is Aries/Aquarius too) say someone offers an alternative route— Aries loves innovative ideas and Aquarius likes pulling it apart/the concept of it. If something’s done cleverly, within reason, in order to prove something (improve on something) then they absolutely love it.

Another thing is that they are often people who can motivate others up, a lot of vitality to them especially in terms of encouragement/refreshing energy when they are with those who doesn’t get a lot of it/is depleted.

Yes a part of him will need to be alone/by himself too but socially, he can be a very sensitive and equally reliable/dependable person because of his strength (uniqueness/skill-set – Aquarius/Aries) as well.

Likes something that’s new, thats innovative. If he feels like someone is going in a direction that’s progressive/good for them then he can be someone who encourages/support them in their path.

I think the whole spiel I did above was to highlight how ‘underdog’ traits can be apparent in Aquarius Venus/Mars placements?? Like no they don’t ask for recognition they show it/prove it, if they know what they’re talking about then they won’t hesitate to validate/prove it even more. Understated, but very efficient/dominance energy.

Also a lot of Aquarius Mars placement have powerful movements, it’s to do with their control and the energy they put into ‘feeling’ and ‘planning’ (not prior but as they go) what the ‘narrative’ is going to be.

Cohesiveness is more of the goal rather than like– a prep-planned/pre-planned idea. They like control, but it’s a control that’s more to do with themselves/what they do with their energy rather than controlling anyone else (unless they ask for advice from them)

Sun/Mercury conjunction and his overall placement does point to a lot of an avid learner personality — learning comes from experience as well as discipline/studies. There can be sense of validation for doing something ‘right’ – for being ‘objectively’ successful in terms of studying or choices because essentially that covers up for Pisces insecurity sometimes.

If you have this placement too – make sure to look that you aren’t seeking validation from others to make up for your confidence in yourself (which can lead to a lot of ‘me’ or attention-needing attitude) Even if you ARE confident in yourself to an extent, an Aries learns best when it’s perfectionist streak is broken and begins to rely more on itself, rather than subconscious dependency on material validation instead (skill-sets, valuability, social popularity, etc.)

Positive aspects from Sun to Mercury, Mars (I didn’t look at the Sun-Moon conjunct because it’s 9′ at 12.00pm) but this is very promising because it can point to a rather optimistic person publicly. Often popular because they seem to have strength, gain strength and encourage others through their sunshine attitude even when others are tired out.

If Sun/Moon conjunct at a tighter degree, it could point to someone who may be quite disciplined. Old soul but also youthful, lively but also easily settled back into a listener’s role. Self-struggle is still a thing, but there’s a more positive motion for it as well.

Sun/Jupiter-Uranus square can point to someone who may often over-expend themselves sometimes. Expansion, exaggeration. All with sincerity but they can sometimes bite off more than they can chew/do for others and thus feels the consequence/frustration with themselves later on sometimes (and don’t know why they feel that way).

Considering how his Jupiter is in Cancer and Uranus is in Capricorn – it’s more about a sense of balance and stability in himself. Sometimes giving too much to others to a point where he comes home feeling unsatisfied or analyze situation at home/his next plan of action but then getting ‘swept off by the flow’ when he goes out again.

Moon/Saturn is quite strong in his chart— pointing to the above point about being quite disciplined. His Saturn is in Capricorn, domiciled whilst his Moon is in Pisces – it can make for someone who’s quite in tune with his emotionality but can sometimes struggle to say it outwards and thus, focus more on long-term manifestation of it over time (building of bond, trust, loyalty and established connection) before he feels comfortable talking about it in the open.

It also points to a strong persevering drive to see his visions (Pisces Moon) through into reality. Sticking with it through thick and thin, his emotionality or rather ‘devotions’ aren’t something to be laughed at all because it ‘sticks’ and thus– impressions stays with him forever.

Mercury/Mars in sextile and Mercury/Uranus-Neptune in square — this points to someone who does genuinely enjoy a good banter. Even more– talking about issues/topics or in a way that makes things accessible for the normal/less elitist people so that it’s approachable.

Aries/Aquarius draws down the energy of something that COULD be complicated but is put in a way that’s understandable for everyone (can be good at explaining too) – at the same time, he may have moments where things just gets out of hand/act passively and then he’s left to deal with the consequences of things not going the way he wants it to happen/opportunities passed (Neptune aspect) which can be frustrating for the Aries to have to face (often maybe an opportunity to make it into a reality – Capricorn Neptune)

Venus and Mars square to Pluto (conjunct to each other) can point to a powerful personality, can sometimes exemplifies his Aquarian nature/trait (especially with the earlier Mercury/Uranus aspect) — again, Saturnian/Uranus nature as well.

Powerful devotion and standing power (disciplined) but at the same time they can be nit-picky, critical, moody/brooding or feels a strong need to get affirmation/confirmation that they are on the same page as the other person. If there’s a lack of movement, they may often feel the effect of this Pluto even strongly– making them doubt, get suspicious or become critical of something/someone or even themselves sometimes.

Powerful with that Venus/Mars conjunction – but at the same time, when it’s aspecting Pluto in Scorpio (domicile) the Aquarius nature may often overthink/obsess over the value/validity of certain things without getting enough reasoning/affirmation to verify/sustain it’s own over-working mind.

Alrighty I think that’s it, another thing about Aries is that they often have ‘powerful’ image or like– stand out for their eyes/eyebrows whilst Aquarius also makes them semi-aware of how they look/pose or making them look better when it’s in gif/motions than they realize.

Anyways, this is xiumin overview! I hope u enjoy it! I added the aspects as well even though I don’t usually do that for overviews but– yeah I hope you like!

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isolataed · 6 years

Text

A Sprinkle of Champagne// Wong Yukhei

Pairings: yukhei x reader / jaehyun x reader

Words: 9.7k

Genre: an unbearable amount of fluff, angst, richkid! au, barista! au, waiter! au, arranged marriage! au (too many au’s to count I’m srry idk when to stop sue me)

Warning!!: contains mature themes, underaged alcohol usage, explicit language (not for the light of heart, also if you listen closely you can almost hear me screaming in frustration with how long I’ve postponed this bc procrastination. btw it sorta gets cliché towards the end bc I’m just a whore for clichés srry not srry.)

Money flows to you in avalanches of abundance. Its been a coping mechanism throughout all your 18 years on this god forsaken planet. Whenever the slightest inconvenience occurs you find yourself reaching for your credit card faster than one can blink and you hurry to your favorite designer boutique to help quell your thirst for comfort. Many would pine for their friends’ presence in a time of need especially when you’re on the verge of having a mental breakdown, however, you were no ordinary person and had to cope in a various amount of ways which just so happened to include retail therapy. Sure, you could announce that you’re having a party on your million-dollar yacht and your so called ‘friends’ would come scurrying to you no matter their current destination. People had a knack for your money and wouldn’t second guess using you for it. You knew it. And so did they. But to be completely honest, it didn’t bother you that much since you had more pressing matters on your hands. Even though you would hate to admit it but, no matter how much money you had, there was still an emptiness that could never be filled. No new Jimmy Choo pumps, no Gucci belt, not even diamond earrings could help fill the emptiness that has chosen to take hostage deep within you. Again, as much as you’d hate to admit it, money can’t buy happiness, However, it most certainly can buy you a new Gucci wardrobe. And that’s what you were currently occupied with, browsing each clothing rack until your searching eyes settled upon a shimmering thigh high length dress with a plunging neckline and a just equally exposing back.

Hmm I’d say that’s skimpy enough for tonight’s event.

Your thoughts had a subconscious grin stretching onto your face since, well, you are your favorite comedian after all. Most would be appalled by your rather provocative fashion sense but you live by the motto if you got it, flaunt it. And throughout your stress-shopping you hadn’t noticed that you’d received a message from your fiancé, jaehyun. In the mess of things, your parents had decided it was due for you to continue the family inheritance, or company with an all too trusting fiancé accompanied by your side. His family goes way back with your parents and the closeness between each other is rather convenient for them. Despite there being a miniscule part of you wanting to pick your own partner and having it be decided in fates hands. You always were a dreamer when it came to fate. Nonetheless you were content with your current partner. After all, you two had grown close ever since high school with the both of you being labeled the ‘it’ couple. To be blunt, everyone knew you two and were happy enough to be rooting for the both of you. You enjoyed it. To be showered with fame and popularity since you were the girlfriend of a boyfriend’s family with a multi-million-dollar company. Your family wasn’t too shabby either with having collected millions throughout the years with their equally successful company. Once your family came to learn that you were dating, they were quick to force the whole arranged marriage propaganda upon the two of you. You were obliged to the engagement almost as if your parents set a lock on it, having the impending pressure hovering over both you and Jaehyun. Everything was rushed to say the least and went against your wishes of wanting to take your time and fully immerse yourself into the fulfilling relationship but nonetheless you were content with getting a head-start to your life. Many were jealous of your lifestyle and were quick to write you off as a spoiled brat which you could agree on some level. But then again you were the one living your life the fullest. That is until your eyes skimmed over the message from your fiancé that left a sorrow expression imprinted on your features.

We need to talk. Meet me at your driveway I’ll be there in 10.

8:48pm.

This ultimately surprised you since you were technically supposed to be getting ready for your engagement party tonight and not sending each other these questionable text messages. As the phone screen illuminated your troubled features you found yourself at loss for words. Your freshly painted fingernails were hovering over the keyboard unable to formulate any structured sentences since you were too busy overthinking everything. A sigh left your parted lips as you reminded yourself that you can’t be stressing over the smallest things since you did after all have a reputation to keep up. You began typing with your newfound confidence.

Alright but idk what you could possibly want to talk about since our engagement party is just in a couple hours??

8:50pm.

Hesitantly, you pressed send and locked your phone back up in your Louis Vuitton bag before you had the slightest inkling of regret based on what you just sent and went straight back to your mindless shopping.

Soon enough another chime erupted from your phone. It read.

I know, but please come it’s urgent.

8:51pm.

Jaehyun has never been this insistent with you over text and you found yourself beginning to worry as seconds turned into long fretful minutes and soon enough your brain was a jumbled mess. What could be on his mind for him to be reacting in such way?

You thought no longer and before you could register what was happening you were already out the door with your newly purchased clothing items.

The drive back to your estate was stressful but you tried to keep our nerves at bay before they had the chance to swallow you whole. The party was starting in just a couple hours that were surly to fly by with the amount of time needed for you to get ready and change into the suitable persona amongst your whole family and friends. Although you weren’t sure whether to call them friends or not. Acquaintances that are just in it for your money seems like a better description. As you around the corner to your gates that swing open once the security see you in view, you can’t help the incriminating thoughts that swell up into the confinements of your brain, especially, once Jaehyun comes into your sight.

He sat patiently against the never-ending steps up to your mansion. He seemed to be dressed rather casually despite him being informed of the engagement party and there was a tiny inkling of something beginning to stir deep within you. You perhaps were vexed of this sudden circumstance. There also seemed to be a somber expression etched onto his face as if Michelangelo himself had carved it into his features. You sauntered with your false confidence against the stone path. Uncertainty filled your senses but being the suborn person you are, you ignored it. In a time like this you find yourself absentmindedly staring at the man before you. The suns saffron rays dancing upon his golden skin. He harbored such beauty that put the sun to shame. It was almost enough to distract you from the pensive mood that has clung to the air around you like a blanket. Your unknowing eyes traveled up to his own as you lent in to give him a quick peck on the cheek as a welcoming kiss. However, he withdrew himself almost immediately which left you awestruck. He’d normally never deny you a harmless peck on the cheek and the fact that he did had your stomach swirling uncomfortably. Pain was quick to flash onto your features, although you gathered yourself and a questionable look took its place.

“What’s wrong?”

Your question was simple yet harmless but arose a harrowing look deep within his eyes. If you knew any better, he was certainly troubled. He seemed to ponder about what he was going to say before meeting your inquisitive eyes. He mused, “we need to talk.” You were quick to retaliate, “well isn’t that what we’re doing right now?” He had a lingering look buried deep within his mesmerizing eyes. Almost as if he was contemplating on what to say. Or rather how to say it. He ignored your previous question as he continued with hesitation evident in his voice, “I know that this is probably the worst time to be telling you this. I also know that I should’ve told you this months ago, but I never had the guts to finally admit it. And I hate that I am admitting to it. It’s just that these thoughts have been bothering me for quite some time now and I think it is best if I were to tell you now before anything more substantial happens in this relationship.”

You already knew where this was heading but again you also didn’t want to admit it to yourself. You wanted to spare your feelings until he ultimately crushed them. And so you let him.

“I’m sorry y/n but I think it would be best if we called off the engagement and the marriage along with it.”

It started with a heavy feeling deep within the captivity of your chest. Spreading like branches all throughout your body. It felt like there was a ton of bricks being weighed down on you. suffocating you to no return. And all you could do was sit there as it happened right before your eyes. Just waiting for the storm to pass. Except it didn’t. you never saw it coming. But then again you never see heartbreak coming.

At least not this time.

You fooled yourself if you thought Jaehyun was giving his undivided effort into the relationship. There was always a small part of you that turned a blind eye to it but every time he watched you, you could tell only emotionless eyes came to greet you whenever you gazed into his deep umber ones. No effort to call you whenever he went on long business trips with his family across the ocean. No longing for you and only you.

No love.

Thus, amid trying to spare your feelings and instead coming clean, you were the one at fault who did this to yourself. Not him.

Maybe you were a bit too harsh on yourself, but you had every right to be. If you’re not honest with yourself now, then when will you be?

You hadn’t noticed you’d began crying once you felt the first sprinkle of tears trailing down your rosy cheeks. “When did it happen?” you spoke softly, trying your best to not make it evident that your voice had began to get choked up. His solemn eyes met your own teary-eyed ones and widened substantially once he noticed you’d began crying. His hand quickly ushered up to your cheeks to wipe away the salty tears. It was warm against your cheeks, no thanks to the chilly brutal wind whipping at your figure. It comforted you to say the least.

An expression you hadn’t seen in a while flashed across his face, pity. He couldn’t fathom how much of an effect he had on you. He felt like he had your ever-so delicate heart in his hands and he hated that he had that power over you. Since you were not one to easily give that up and fall into the vulnerability that came along with it. But again, you thought he was different and didn’t have a care in the world of the consequences.

“When did what happen?”

“When did you fall out of love?”

The question left him awestricken. He pondered momentarily before speaking, “I can’t pin point an actual date but even if I could I don’t think I could bare the thought of knowing I broke your heart like that. So, I don’t think it would be advisable for me to- “

“No.”

“Tell me, it’s the least you could do especially when confronting me hours before our engagement party.”

The sudden disdain in your voice had him recoiling. “Y/n all I can say is that it wasn’t sudden. It happened gradually. No matter how hard I tried to keep it from happening, it did. And I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am but- “

“I loved you.” You croaked, now gazing up at him with sorrow filled eyes and staring into the eyes you fell in love with, them feeling like an endless void. Tears dribbling down the arc of your cupid’s bow and onto the plush of your lips, tasting the salty bitterness.

You thought that this was more than just an arranged marriage. You thought the both of you actually had a connection that couldn’t be found any elsewhere. But, you’ve been deceived.

His hands reached down to grab your own as he cradled them as if they were made of porcelain and would shatter in the slightest movement. The pad of his finger flittered over your palm as tears silently rolled down the curves of your cheeks and into your intertwined hands. He apologetically gazed into your eyes once more, “I’m sorry.”

He takes a step back from you, lets your hand fall limply to your side in the process. He shakes his head, an unreadable expression twisted onto his face as he desperately attempts to hold himself together.

“I’m so sorry.”

And with that his presence soon vanishes into the cool airiness of the wind. Leaving you in a stoic mess as you drop to your knees unable to withstand your own weight anymore with what you just endured. You can’t formulate any coherent thought or to try and even make sense of what just happened.

You’d eventually decided to keep the party going and up to schedule since it was too late to cancel and inform the hundred-something number of guests which was a headache on its own. You were solicitous in the fact that you’ll have to endure even more embarrassment having this been an engagement party and those usually consist of two people. Not one that is a sobbing mess over the counter of your own personal bar. Everyone was eyeing you pitifully and a part of you wanted to lash out at them, but you know that you can’t blame them since, well, you were a complete and utter mess.

There was no use in denying it. You knew it. They knew it. Everyone did.

It was an embarrassment of its own having all you friends and family seeing you in a state like this which was not as presentable as you hoped for. Slightly because of the mascara staining the pallor of your cheeks and giving you the illusion of a racoon. And the tiniest noticeable trail of snot laying atop your cupids bow. You didn’t even have the energy to wipe it away. Nor were you sober enough to even take notice of it. Although you weren’t has hammered as you wished to be. That was your goal for tonight at least, to hopefully drown yourself in alcohol rather than sorrow and despair. Normally you’d never show this side of yourself fearing that your family’s business partners would think low of you, but frankly, at this point you didn’t give a single fuck. You’d think that the people gathered at your party would have a brain and heart big enough to show some empathy and understand what you’re going through, but your naïve self knew that in the world that you live in, that is nothing but a fairytale.

Nothing in this world could get worse for you at this point. Considering the fact that you’re lazily sitting against the counter of the bar on your own private yacht. It was a prodigious boat indeed with multiple bars if not just one didn’t titillate your fancy, a dining room and lounge area which was where most of the guests were occupying the area. However, you’d found was a difficulty trying to decipher the faces from ones you do and don’t know. String lights casted the whole boat with warmth despite it being a rather chilling night. And the overly exposing Gucci dress you picked was not doing a decent job of keeping your warmth. You and Jaehyun had planned for a weekend trip in Barbados on your yacht, so that’s where you and the other guests were situated. It almost felt like you were away from the problems that have been bestowed upon you while in the middle of the ocean. Almost. And the beautiful sight to see definitely helped to keep your mind at ease. Your gaze was keen on the coast that lit up and shimmered like strings of gold chains in the distance against the turquoise water that ebbs and laps onto the shoreline.

Surprisingly, the tears have subsided. For now, at least because you know once you’re out of sight you’re sure enough you’ll become a bawling mess. Currently, you just sip your third shrimp cocktail of the night with an emotionless expression imprinted on your face. Despite having it been your third drink, you can still feel the helplessness lingering. So you knew you needed something stronger. It was hilarious how everyone ignored you knowing that the second they bring up the failed engagement, you’d begin crying for the hundredth time that night. And just the acknowledgement of the guest’s behavior, it had you shaking your head in astonishment. Although a few people did apologize from the sad news which to say the least didn’t help at all. Mostly because they weren’t genuine. No one ever was. And you were used to it.

“Dang, whose dog died?”

You almost choke on your drink once you hear what comes out this aloof stranger’s mouth. As you whirl around to face them, your gaze meets the dark lustrous enticing eyes of a man no older than you. You notice how a few strands of honey colored hair sat against the bridge of his nose. And you found yourself resisting the urge to whisk them away. Even with the sun having set far beneath the horizon you are still able to decipher his glowing sun-kissed skin in the dimmest of light as if it were saturated with the sun’s rays. It was as if there was an iridescent glow that emanated within him. Or maybe that was your slightly buzzed mind playing tricks on you. And by the look of the uniform he is wearing and the tray of champagne he is carrying, it is clearly understood that he is in fact a waiter. Your eyes trailed down his vest to find that he had his name clipped onto the cloth. Yukhei. The soft buzz of the alcohol was surely taking its affect on you by the way you’re eyeing the stranger right before you. And he surely noticed it as well.

“Excuse me?”

Your question had a smirk gravitating on his plump lips. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but notice your somber mood let alone on this whole boat.”

You’d have fooled yourself if you thought you saw sympathy flash across his features but was gone as soon as it came. You eyed him carefully, “no need to be sorry or try to comfort me. Besides, shouldn’t you be doing your job? That’s what we’re paying you for anyway.”

He tries his best to keep his facial expressions neutral, but you read him like an open book as a faint look of hurt washes over his face. “You know I could, but why would I when you’re so obviously distressed?” he quips sarcastically.

You sniffle, “am not.”

A snicker leaves his lips and flows into the brisk airiness of the ocean night as it leaves you entranced as if it were a sirens song. It’s so mellifluous to the ears that it even has the birds jealous. You surely wouldn’t mind hearing that every morning you tell your already buzzed self.

His fervid gaze dug so far deep into your skin to where it had you frozen as if you were a marbled statue. Almost like he was the male medusa. Although far more attractive.

You cursed at your half-drunk self for making it obvious that you clearly are liking what you’re seeing. And all he could do was watch you with slight fascination in his piercing chocolate-brown eyes.

“Is this seat taken?” he gestured towards the seat next to you. His all too smooth melodic voice sent shivers all throughout your body that elicited visible goose-bumps on your skin. Or maybe you were just cold, who knows. A slight smirk crept onto his features as you motioned for him to sit and that the seat was in fact unoccupied.

A short time seemed to pass until he interrupted the comfortable silence, “so, I heard of the unfortunate news.”

Just of the mention of it had you mumbling I’m not drunk enough for this, although luckily it was too incoherent for him to decipher what you exactly said.

You ignored his previous statement and eyed his tray of champagne instead, “you know what, I’m getting sick of shrimp cocktail.” Taking your unvoiced hint, he handed you the crystalline glass which you gladly pinched the delicate stem of the champagne flute between your manicured fingers. You lifted the glass up to your red lips and took a short swig of the sparkling Armand de Brignac. The overly expensive golden liquid tingled as it slid all the way down your throat and you gulped along with a satisfying ah leaving your lips.

As you looked in his direction, amusement was written all over his handsome features. It was another glass and a half and an even more so hammered self until he speaks once again, “so princess, care to tell me what’s on your mind?” your eyes widened at his nickname he’s seemingly given you despite the two of you just having met. “First of all, Yukhei, I don’t know you well enough to spew my feelings at you which I’m sure the second you leave you’ll go bad-mouthing me.” It was obvious you had trust issues but that was the least of your concern as you turned back to look at his expression which had dropped after your remark. “I don’t know where you got that information from but if you hadn’t noticed yet, I’m a server, and even if I did go ‘bad-mouthing’ you, who was going to believe me, or let alone pay attention?” his counter argument had you realizing that he did in fact have a point even if it was blunt. But it was the hard reality you lived in.

You hummed in acknowledgement, twirling the dainty crystalline stem of your already empty champagne glass between your fingers as your groggy eyes dropped to the golden bubbly liquid in his hands, “well then, if you are a server why don’t you shut up and give me another glass of that champagne?” you retort.

Another jaw-dropping smile graced his lips as he happily handed you a much-needed extra glass of the liquid for what you were about to do. “You might want to grab some popcorn because this is going to be a long night,” you warned.

And so you spent the rest of your drunken night spilling your troubles onto this poor stranger which you didn’t have the light of day to even get to know. He was genuine, from what you could tell, listening intently and being the shoulder to cry on. And yes, as expected the water works decided to act up once again. However, it wasn’t only one sided and he also spoke up about his troubles, which you were sure you’d forget about once the morning came and you were sober again. Although after the night, you could say there was some jarring intimacy between the two of you that sparked something in you, but you just couldn’t pin point what exactly.

A few platitundinous weeks have passed since your last encounter with the unfairly handsome waiter and you hate to admit it but, you missed talking to someone about your feelings. You also missed the multitude of champagne glasses he showered you with that night. You appreciated how he comforted you with his reassuring words and alcohol. No matter how much people believed you were a cold-hearted bitch, you in fact had the opposite. A too delicate of a heart. You regretted becoming that vulnerable to Jaehyun. And now you’re paying the price. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have thoughts about him. In fact a bit too much if you were honest, to where you wished you could drink your body weight once again and hopefully forget him. But sadly, the world is a cruel place and you had to mend your feelings through time. I guess I can’t buy myself out of this one huh.

Although your thoughts didn’t only focus on Jaehyun, but that friendly waiter that your parents hired ages ago. Believe it or not you’ve seen him on your yacht when your family would host important events cruising from person to person handing out whatever was on his tray at that specific time. And other times you’d see him bartending, handing the customers their alcoholic beverage with a welcoming smile plastered on his face. You took notice he always had a smile gracing his features, although his seemed different. In a crowd full of fake smiles, his was the single genuine one that stood out from all the others and had your eyes glued to him. He was a perfectly painted picture indeed. Touched by the hands of renaissance painters themselves. You could see why your parents hired him. It certainly had your parents’ future business partners and clients he encountered staying a bit longer each night. Which understandably, was good for your parent’s company that you were soon to inherit once found your ideal partner. Or moreover once another arranged marriage is set up and you no longer have a voice in the situation rather than marry him solely based off his price-tag. After the abrupt ending of your engagement, your parents were more than disappointed and were quick to put forth a few more matches that were up to their standards. Although after meeting with them you could confidently say they’re no Jaehyun. And just the thought of his name had you reaching for the nearest bottle of bourbon. At this rate you’d be spending your day in alcoholism interventions. You found that after the incident with Jaehyun, he left another void unfilled that he previously occupied. And you were on the hunt for the perfect victim to help aid with it.

After your many failed attempts at trying to go on dates you could say you completely gave up hope in trying to find a decent man. So once again, you found your calling which was the stool of your bar in your gargantuan mansion. Where the marbled halls felt like a never-ending maze, a labyrinth, if you will. Your manicured finger circled the rim of your glass of bourbon as it distracted you momentarily from the bountiful thoughts that swelled up in your brain. You noticed the current bartender left for who knows what reason but nevertheless you were ecstatic to be alone for more than two seconds. Or so you thought.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you brought a sleeping bag with you every time you were at a bar given that’s where you spend most of your time,” The smooth voice purred. Your eyes lazily fluttered up to the tall figure standing across the bar. It was none other than Yukhei. You snorted, “I’m offended you’d ever imply me laying in a sleeping bag.” You swigged the rest of the bourbon in a mouthful and grimaced at the strong bitterness, regretting the action soon after. A slight smirk grew on his face, “with the way you’re downing your alcohol, your liver will soon be done for,” he motioned to your already tipsy self, at 6pm.

“Don’t be too hopeful,” you gibe sarcastically. And there it was again, that smile you’d grown accustomed to. You hadn’t noticed but a subconscious smile of your own spread on your lips once you saw his addicting grin. His dark eyes glimmered with jesting amusement as he viewed your figure, “I’m just saying, instead of downing your feelings with alcohol maybe you could talk about them.” There was a linger of hope evident in his voice. Throughout your time speaking with him, you noticed how intent he was on comforting you whether it be with his own reassuring words or alcohol. But either way you appreciated them both and couldn’t complain. Your mind wandered back to your last encounter and the words that were spilled between each other. You didn’t know whether to believe it or not, but a certain type of trust began to grow solely from that one interaction a few weeks ago. And you had a feeling more of those encounters would occur. His proposition was tempting and had you succumbing to it as you spoke, “what are you now, my therapist?” A light-hearted laugh fell from his lips, “if you want to call it that then sure, but I genuinely want to know what’s on that pretty little mind of yours.”

His small confession had a rosy blush dusting your cheeks as your eyes shot back down to the empty crystal cup. You stammer, “quite a confession given I haven’t ever spoke to you before our last encounter.” He reached for your empty glass and discarded it, instead placing a cup of water before you. “Well, I felt bad that nobody went to comfort you after, ya know, so I took it upon myself to spare a few minutes of my day,” he quickly added, “and I definitely didn’t regret any of it.” He didn’t have a mean bone in his body, moreover he was made of nothing but positivity, which we radiated. And you admired that especially when you seemingly didn’t have any. You blankly stared at the cup of water, “I don’t know if you noticed but, I’m here specifically in the hopes of getting tipsy to try and forget a few things,” you openly confessed. Now he definitely felt like your therapist. A concerned frown weighed down the corners of his mouth as his eyebrows furrowed, “care to share your thoughts?” A sigh left your lips as you ultimately agreed since you were so pliable to just a few words and shared the hardships of your wealthy life-style and all the failed dates you experimented with to see if you’d found a match at the sea of men that fell right before your feet. You adored how he would watch you intently without a faulter in his gaze. To say the least, he felt fond of you and your life stories that you were always open to share. Although not just with anybody, with him it was different. He stuck out like a sore thumb against the sea of stoic expressionless faces that their only thoughts were the number in their bank account. No humanity was ever around you and you felt it was necessary to leap at the chance when a man like Yukhei has blessed your tiresome life with it. Despite him being a waiter, the thought never bothered you, however, you knew that with a notorious family like your own, it would be difficult to ever let him touch you in front of your family’s presence. But you had to admit, the thought of the rebellious action had a smirk growing on your features. Nevertheless, you knew you couldn’t get ahead of yourself and pushed the image aside momentarily. A certain hopelessness began to gnaw at you and you loathed that feeling whenever it would occur. Which is why you always found yourself hurling your money on mundane things that were never essential in the first place. But that never stopped you. Even when you dropped out of college to pursue god knows what with the avalanches of cash that you always had to fall back on. There was always a safety net for you which you took advantage of greatly. Which was evident with the way you sauntered down the streets of Monte Carlo in nothing but a silk black dress, that complemented the dark atmosphere that encased you. As you gazed up at the night sky, you couldn’t help but feel akin to the moon as it diminishes against the ruthless power of the city lights. The air felt sticky given that you were only a few miles from the sea and had your hair reacting negatively to its effects. So you ducked into the nearest casino. The entrance was grandiose with marbled statues on either side of your figure and a water fountain in the center of all the chaos. You heard distant sounds of people winning jackpots of the many machines that filled the rows. As well as clinks of champagne glasses followed by a congratulatory cheers! You stood at the entrance, a statue yourself as you didn’t know where to head. It was almost as if God himself heard you in that very moment when your eyes unsuspectedly caught the glimpse of what seemed to be him and an apathetic expression was quick to appear on your features. What was he doing here? The thought crossed your mind as you blankly stared at him, in awe. Suddenly, “ma’am either join everyone else, or leave, you cannot block the exit.” It finally dawned on you for how long you had been gazing at him like a deer in headlights as the security guard spoke to you. You nodded in his direction and apologized as you abruptly made your way over to where you’d learned is your new home. The bar. You were the epitome of a mess and frankly you were aware of it. It was also best if you sat in order to spare yourself the discomfort of standing in your thin heeled leather Jimmy Choo pumps. It was also necessary of you to order a drink or two after witnessing the very man you fell in love with and had to bare the heartbreak of him ending it with you. You were tempted to barge up in front of him and all his little friends and give him a piece of your mind, however, that was never how a person like you held yourself. Instead you owned nothing but class and maybe a bit of sass. But you knew how the ordeal would end up, embarrassing yourself then shortly after breaking down behind the mini bar. Never again, you muttered to yourself. Hastily, you ordered a brimming glass of champagne since it was the perfect fit for the night given you weren’t looking to get completely and utterly hammered like you did all those nights ago in the comfort of you own yacht. During this short vacation trip to Monte Carlo you found yourself missing a certain someone despite you not wanting to form any sizable feelings towards him. And him being Yukhei. Just the thought of him had a smile stretching on your pink lips although it abruptly fell once you felt the presence of Jaehyun next to you. You watched from your peripheral as he ordered a little bit of alcoholic indulgence himself with his usual nimble grin. However his gaze soon met yours and you watched as it fell and his eyes with it too. Years of memories seemingly flashed before the both of you just from that simple gaze and for a moment, it felt like you were never separated, however, the daydream came to a halt once the first words were spilled by him, “what are you doing here?”

You scoffed in astonishment as your features contort to that of annoyance, “I could ask you the same thing,” you then chug the remanence of the liquid gold. You knew you were going to need it. An expression read as bewilderment was seen on his face, although soon diminishes, “I had a business trip I had to attend to, now what’s your excuse?” you simply smirked as you eyed his tall figure, “what’s the harm in a little self-indulgence with a trip nonother than to Monte Carlo?” you inquired. “You of all people should know the significance of this place.” At the mention of it, the memories seemed to play like a movie. From when you had met him gambling his life away at the casinos, to where you unknowingly joined him as well. His presence was reckless as long as he stayed in your life and you overall reveled in it. It led you to inquire that he simply enjoyed the rush of it despite him having handfuls of cash himself. The pensive mood that has taken hostage between the both of you evaporated as he sat down next to you and a miniscule grin tugged at his lips. Especially when he smelled his favorite perfume that you’d always wear when around him which was none other than the newest line of Dolce & Gabbana. But nowadays he didn’t get that luxury although the moment was nostalgic nonetheless. He also took notice of a new addition to your necklace collection as his eyes trailed down to your clavicle where a golden pendant lay atop your carefully exfoliated skin. “I see you’ve gotten a new necklace,” he gave you a knowing look. Your eyes glanced down, and your hand reached up to grasp it since you forgot what you’d worn on your night out, “oh yes of course,” you gasped, “they had silver, but I looked better in gold.” Your response had a small laugh leave his soft lips and with it brought memories of when you were so used to hearing his laugh, it was truly music to your ears. But times have changed, and you were quick to rid yourself of that thought knowing yourself all too well and how easily you can get attached. The rest of the night was spent basking in each other’s presences and catching up with one another as well as mundane business statistics all in the meanwhile sipping at your mimosas and champagne until you heard the faint buzzing in your ears and you knew it was time to head to the sweet serenity of your private yacht. All the while wishing it was Yukhei with whom you’d spent your eventful night with and not your sight for sore eyes ex.

You lounged against the posh seat of your armchair as you watched the plethora of guests before you chatter away until their wits end. Despite it being your own party you’re hosting, you forgot how utterly draining it could be having to keep a conversation going when it only consisted of the market and who was engaged with who. It bored you to the point it had you wanting to aim a gun at your head and end it right then and there. To be frank, half of these people you didn’t know on a personal basis. Not even your ‘friends’ which you already established were specifically there for your all-inclusive trips to Turks & Caicos and to all the galas you were invited to which permitted you to bring guests. Not to mention they got a free pass when you’d head to upscale restaurants where one entrée off the menu with a name that could only be perceived as gibberish, costed more than some people’s monthly salary. Normally you’d take pity on yourself for growing accustomed to these toxic ways which could only lead to the impending feeling of suffocation upon one’s self. To be completely honest it did poke at you uncomfortably, but true happiness was where your wallet was, accompanied by bathtubs of champagne while sipping at your mimosas in the comfort of your own yacht. Just as you sat up to adjust your miniskirt, you caught a glimpse of a honey stained head of hair and your eyes suddenly lit up as they connected with his own and a smile soon danced on his lips. It was wondrous the affect he had on you, but you wouldn’t question it since it only brought you happiness and that’s all that mattered. You hastily sauntered along the wooden deck through the crowds of people which lingered of expensive scents and made your way towards the boy who beamed a smile at you. The sound of your heels came to an abrupt halt once you stood before him and spoke, “how could I forget my favorite waiter was working for the night?” he contemplated in mock thought, “hmm I guess all those glasses of champagne have finally caught up to you,” he quipped. Your mouth agape as a guffaw leaves your lips and you playfully hit his arm, although the one that laid loosely at his side, not the arm that carried the tray of mimosas since that would’ve been a disaster waiting to happen. “To think I was warming up to you,” you say flabbergasted as you clutched your hands against your chest in false pain. He hummed in amusement, “nice to know I was getting somewhere then,” he eyed you with a certain glint in his enticing eyes. You scanned the tray of mimosas as you grabbed one for yourself and pinched the dainty stem of the glass, discarding the straw from your drink and pressing the rim to your painted lips, allowing the orange liquid to disappear down the column of your throat. You smirked, “champagne is overrated, mimosas are the new go-to.” His eyes widened at what just escaped your lips and a dumbfounded laugh left his lips as he hunched over slightly but shortly recomposed himself, “you do realize mimosas are one half champagne, right?” You couldn’t believe your own stupidity and internally laugh at yourself. You shrug it off, “yeah of course, I totally knew that,” you sigh into the glass as you bring it up to your lips once more. Thankfully the conversation cascaded into a different topic and soon enough the both of you were back into speaking freely and with ease. You learned he was quite an adventurous person since he loved bungee jumping off bridges and even-wait for it-eating raw crickets for fun, mainly when he goes camping with his friends. He fascinated you more than any other individual you have ever met, and that’s saying something. Not even Jaehyun could compare. You’ve had your fair share of greeting many people because of your parents’ occupancy since that’s what the company called for and Yukhei topped the list of most interesting people you’ve known. In the midst of your blissful conversation you felt a tap on your shoulder paired with yukhei’s expression crumbling, and a voice you’d known so well joined you over the ambience of the warm night, “fancy seeing you here, y/n.” You whirled around to meet the man who’s looks were devastatingly handsome. Jaehyun had appeared next to the both of you wearing his usual dark washed ripped jeans and jean jacket, paired with a navy-blue silk button down with just a pinch of his unmarred chest peeking through, enough to bless your eyes. He had an unknowing grin plastered over his face as it slightly irked you since he was interrupting an enjoyable conversation. You lifted a brow, “well Jaehyun, I am the hostess after all.” He nodded, already knowing that clearly but continued nonetheless, “heard you were, so I thought I might stop by to see you again,” he added. Again? The word echoed in Yukhei’s brain since it wasn’t brought to light that the two of you were ever in touch since the break-up. You mentally cursed and panicked at Jaehyun’s choice of words but a voice soon sounded. “Care to sit down with me?” he motioned towards the array of cushioned seats in the center of the large scaled deck. You grimaced at the thought of having to explain the whole situation to Yukhei later but when you faced him as if asking for permission to take your leave, he lightly nodded to you, acknowledging your leave and waving you off. His face crestfallen, and you could see the faint look of hurt flash in his eyes but left along with him as he attended the other guests. The both of you managed to find unoccupied seats and plopped down the second you reached them. You crossed your legs, to show whatever modesty you had left since you weren’t planning on flashing anybody due to the provocative miniskirt you had chosen to wear. You reveled in the warm air that emitted from the open sea and gazed up at the stars as they faltered beneath the powerful city lights. There was a slight breeze that whipped at your figure and had you shuttering slightly. Jaehyun immediately took notice of this, “are you cold? Here let me give you my jacket,” he got up to rid himself of the cloth, but you were quick to raise a hand, “no, no I’m fine don’t worry about me,” you denied. He raised a brow in question, “are you sure?” you nodded, “positive.” And with that, he sat back down to where the impending silence fell upon the two of you like a rainstorm. You wanted to voice your thoughts and ask why exactly of all the times, he’s here. Why is he suddenly appearing in your life again after you’ve managed to make some progress since the breakup? Why now? And so you had to ask. “Why are you here?” His eyes darted to you in an instant once he heard those words and gazed up at you through the few umber strands of hair that guarded his eyes, almost innocently. “What do you mean?” you scoffed, not believing this whole act he is trying to sell. “You know what, and I know you didn’t go to Harvard for nothing,” you pointed a weak accusatory finger at him. He inwardly sighed, bringing the crystalline glass of the mimosa up to his parched lips and sipping at the orange liquid. He haphazardly whisked the bothersome strands out of his eyes and swiftly brought his hand to lay atop the small of your thigh and gripped it with the lightest of pressure, “y/n, it is not a secret, quite honestly I’m perplexed you haven’t noticed yet.” It was at this moment it finally dawned on you which had your mouth open, agape. You finally acknowledged the way he eyed you the other night in the exorbitant casino, almost lustfully. Thankfully you were too drunk to have even noticed it because if you had, who knows what would’ve happened. But what irked you the most was that he had the audacity to confront you in a time like this where you had almost gotten over the heartbreaking split and moved onto a happier place which of course was in the presence of Yukhei. If he was looking for a fuck and chuck, then, he came to the wrong place. And you were more than happy to throw the remanence of your drink into the owner of the cocky grin of Jaehyun. And you did not regret your actions once you saw his expression contort into that of pure bewilderment as he stood up with a sudden gasp along with the rest of the guests within the proximity. You abruptly stood up as well and yelled at him with what you had wished to say all along, “how dare you come onto my boat and sweet-talk me into thinking I’d actually hook up with you. Let me enlighten you darling, you’re the one who ended our engagement, not me. I can’t even believe I ever loved a dick like you. So let me ask you this once more, why exactly are you still here? You know what, don’t answer that, instead why don’t you stick that in your mimosa and suck it.” The sudden appearance of Jaehyun had the doors opening to your past which you purposefully locked and tossed the key away but seeing him again made the door crack open just the slightest and you knew you’ve already done enough damage control in your life to go through the pain of it for the second time. So you made the right decision to cut all ties from him the second you both split. But it certainly didn’t feel like the right decision since you were hunched over the mini bar drinking your body weight in whatever alcohol you could get your shaky hands onto. This has occurred more times that you’d like but you wouldn’t refrain from chugging the cups contents in attempt for liquid comfort. And you were more than happy to have Yukhei by your side through it all. That was more than you could say Jaehyun would do. Yukhei was such a kind soul to you, only a few times would he complain when you’ve had one too many and would talk to you about it and somehow sober you up without you taking notice. Call you crazy, but you could tell there was something there, lingering between yearnful gazes and sly grins. There, between your close proximity with Yukhei’s broad chest as he softly spoke in your ear, “I think you’ve had one too many, love.” His warm breath hitting the crevice of your ear just right, had the hairs at the back of your neck instantly perk up. The way his ever-so-soft lips grazed your ear had your tipsy self-wanting more. More than you could ever hope for. More than you’d ever had in a long time. And so you swiveled around in your chair as you faced his intoxicating demeanor, hummed as you brought a lazy finger up to his chest and gently pressed against it, “since when are you the boss of me?” you teased. He rolled his eyes and scoffed, although, by the slight curl of his lip and the glimmer in his dark hazelnut eyes, you could tell he was amused. And just the sight of it had you subconsciously nibbling at your lip between your pearly whites. His eyes laid upon your figure once more with a certain glint in them that you couldn’t quite put your pretty little finger on, “since I saw you tripping over air to reach another glass of alcohol, and so I can confidently say, it’d be best to sober up a bit,” then he sauntered behind the counter and slid a cup of water in your direction. You stared at it, unamused. “The Yukhei I know would keep the shots coming, have you gone soft on me?” you gasped. A small mock-laugh left his lips, “me? Soft? Sorry to break it to you sweetheart but that’d never happen.” Despite knowing you all too well and wanting to shower you with the much-needed alcohol, there was a small voice in his head that told him otherwise. He saw the way a hopeful expression surged onto your features and found hilarity when he ultimately saw it drop the moment he spoke, “but I’m going to be your overbearing parent for the night and say maybe it’s time to turn in for the night.” You grumbled at his response and swigged the remanence of the vodka. You thought he’d take pity on you and be inclined to hand you a few more shots since the night you had was one that you’d wished you’d forget. You hated the way Jaehyun could effortlessly toy with your feelings. As if you were his own personal ragdoll. It had you drinking until your wits end which undeniably wasn’t a good choice since your liver was surly to give out if you kept at it. Maybe Yukhei had a point. Maybe he cared about you. And just the thought of it had a miniscule blush dusting your cheeks as you glared at the rim of your crystalline glass, all too drunk to process what’s happening or even remember.

The suns saffron rays spewed warmth onto your drowsy figure with each heave of breath you took. The sun was kind to you in a world of madness. And that’s all you could ask for in this very moment. Because the second your eyes fluttered open, you were hit with a massive hangover. You groaned into your pillow or what you thought was a pillow but turned out to be someone’s side. You withdrew quickly only to recognize the head of hair almost instantaneously. A soft smile grew on your lips but soon fell as you desperately attempted to recall last nights events. After him scolding you the night before, everything else morphed into a jumbled mess, a blur. Your troubled self soon took notice of the figure beside you beginning to stir ever so slightly until his own eyes awakened due to the powerful saffron rays spilling into the room with nothing to guard it since the yachts cabin always had the curtains drawn. He seemed to finally acknowledge where he was and jolted, now fully awake. He raked a veiny hand through his locks, obviously distressed, “sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep,” he stammers. Those words sort of cleared the air, but you had to ask with hesitation evident in your groggy voice, “so we didn’t…” Your eyes were meticulous as you eyed him. His own eyes widen substantially at the question you were hinting at. “No, no I just took you to your room since you were too hammered to walk on your own and then I guess I fell asleep too.” Although that was partially true, he didn’t want to admit the other part. The one where he gazed at your peacefully sleeping figure as he brushed the stray hairs away from your bare forehead. The one where he tenderly traced every contour and crevice of your unmarred face, to the cupids bow, bleeding into your perfectly sculpted nose as if mimicking the constellations that leave a map in the ebony skies, until he too fell asleep in the comfort of the moon’s soft light. This was the whole truth that had him hesitant to fully admit to it since he also had mixed emotions towards it. But he knew at heart why he did it. Although anybody would be able to tell he was completely and utterly smitten with you. He recalled last night’s events, mostly when Jaehyun appeared and he instantly noticed your smile that he ultimately was the cause of, fall at the sound of his dulcet voice. He’d be lying if he hadn’t the tiniest inkling of beguilement at your reaction. Knowing that you’d rather bask in his presence than Jaehyun’s. As for Jaehyun, Yukhei would be more than happy to knock his teeth down his throat with what he had you endure but sadly, that was not in his job requirements. However, he owed it to him because without Jaehyun, the both of you wouldn’t have bonded over him. Each second he spent with you always left a grin lingering on his features. And he knows a day won’t go by when it doesn’t. As for you, you were confident there was not a bone in your body that doesn’t feel strongly about him, and you don’t think you’re crazy to assume he thinks the same as you. You were too lucky enough to have him by your side through every disheartening moment that always had a boy on the receiving end of it. But ironically enough, this boy was the cure to your troubles. It was more than you could’ve hoped for in the world that you lived in. Despite how posh it was, you weren’t naïve to believe he aided to a certain feeling of hopelessness. And instead replaced it with fulfillment. Just from the couple months you’ve gotten to know Yukhei, it felt like you’d known him throughout all your life and never wanted this feeling to end abruptly. And you were afraid to know what it’d feel like without him by your side through it all, so it was now or never.

“How could I have ever been lucky enough to have you?” You murmured against his chest. Throughout this time the two of you simply basked in each other’s presence since that was what comforted both of you. It was convenient enough until you spoke. It was barely coherent, but he could easily decipher it and once he did, his own cheeks tinged a rosy shade and his eyes squinted as a cheeky smile arose. “Mind if you elaborate?” As you gazed up at him almost lovingly, it appeared as though he had gems forever embedded in his eyes and made you fall ever so deeper into his spell. But this time, you let it happen without a care in the world. “Why would I when you so clearly know you’re the antidote to all my problems? When you know I would spend my time nowhere else but in your arms? When in year’s time, I will always find myself running back to you?” If it were anymore possible that cheeky grin morphed into a toothy smile which you’d have grown oh-so accustomed to as he too gazed at you, “don’t tell me that the y/n is confessing to me?” he quipped. A soft chuckle fell so effortlessly from your lips, “yes, I suppose I am.” And at that confession he hastily connected his lips with your own as the both of you sighed into the kiss, relieved that the painful wait was finally over and relished the contact as if the both of you were deprived of it. The short-lived paradise came to an end and you found yourself in a dazed state as you gawk at the man before you. And you soon realize that whenever with him, there will be no need of spilling tears into your glasses of champagne anymore.

A sprinkle of champagne would suffice.

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ambermersadiez · 6 years

Text

saturday, august 18, 2018 10:50pm

he says sometimes he thinks he’s the only thing that makes me happy. is that really how pathetically codependent i am? bc he said it and now i’m thinking about it and what if he’s right? what if he’s where a majority of my happiness stems from? i’m just setting myself up for failure and it’s not even my fault. like how do i fix that he makes me happy all the time? it’s not like i’m meaning to make him the main source. it just happens. like really looking at it, he’s what makes me happy everyday. kimi makes me happy, but i don’t see/talk to her everyday. and when she is here i’m focused on keeping her safe and fed and quite honestly she’s mean and hurts my feelings a lot. when i’ve got kimi, i spend most my time worrying. and when i’m with jess, we talk about her problems with dylan or our kids. half of what we do is sit and worry about everything. with jordan we spend most the time smiling and happy and laughing. like yea he’s a source of stress and worry too but right now it’s mostly happy with him. which isn’t a problem but it is a problem if the only happiness i experience is bc of a guy i’m talking to. i can’t let myself depend on him to be my happiness or my distraction, bc that’s just going to make things 1000x worse when he leaves. and god it must put tremendous pressure on him. it must feel like i’m using him as medicine or using him to hold all the pieces together. i mean in some ways he is helping me hold all the pieces together? but that’s not his fucking job and that’s not why i want him here. and i’ve made him think that now. i don’t want to be that person that he’s scared to leave alone bc he’s scared of what i’ll do. i don’t want someone to talk to me out of fear or a feeling of obligation. and that’s how i’m gunna feel now. like he sometimes he says “i did ____ because it makes you happy” and that always felt sweet. but now whenever he says that i’m gunna feel like it’s “here’s your happy for the day! don’t kill yourself!”. like when he says he loves me, is it because he actually does? or because he knows how happy i get hearing him say it. does he screenshot my silly snapchats because he thinks they’re cute? or because he knows i’m gunna think that’s why he did it. does he hang out with me because he wants to? or because he thinks it’s something i need? does he even like texting me all day? or does he need to make sure i’m getting my happy dose so i don’t slit my wrists in the tub.

god does he even like sex with me? or are we just pumpin the oxytocin into my brain?

i don’t want him to do things that make me happy, even if he doesn’t like it. i want things that make us both happy. i don’t want him worrying about my happiness.

god i feel pathetic

#me #textpost #jordan #acjb

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hagiographically · 7 years

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Hey libby, I just wrapped up my first quarter @ stan and i got kinda wrekt -- 3 b+ with a pretty light courseload. I'm not sure if it's bc I just really didn't get the material or bc I didn't work hard enough (more likely) but I'm kinda concerned how this will impact me + my premed goals goin forward. Plus I'm taking an objectively HEAVY load next quarter which is nerve-wracking. Any words of wisdom?

ya i can try to help! im not premed, so grades are different for me in terms of importance, but i def have the advantage of experience so heres whats worked for me or what ive heard:

i took a heavy load this quarter and i was super scared about how it would affect me too, but the biggest thing is staying organized. i am a really messy and disorganized person, but every time i got an assignment i would catalogue it (i kept all my to-do’s in an iphone note) and at least start it. it’s much easier to work on an assignment that you’ve already looked at and begun. i also opened and bookmarked a google doc for each class and kept notes there. this was good to keep all my knowledge and notes separate and also make sure i’d documented everything i needed. so i never fell behind on assignments, and would usually finish them one or two days before. this was huge for my stress levels! i rarely got overwhelmed. also, if there’s an easy/quick assignment, do it as soon as possible to just get it over with.

self-care is important, but productive self-care. like, if i wanted to go shopping instead of work on my thesis, that’s the opposite of self-care and would probably make me feel worse in the end. it’s important to take “you time” when you need it, but for me, self-care is just about making my tasks more enjoyable. like, sometimes i would drink wine while doing symsys psets, and that was great because i was still getting work done while also enjoying myself. (i would obviously go over the pset when i’d sobered up, but the nice thing about starting assignments super early is there’s no pressure to make them good – you can always go back and refine it.) or, i got really into taking mood supplements this summer, and that’s made a HUGE difference in my motivation. i actually like working on a lot of things now! or i would listen to some good music and drink coffee while working at starbucks in a lit outfit, things like that. if i put myself in a happy work zone, i feel way better and more into creating good output.

it’s important to have a work-life balance, but i would say that blending work and life is actually a better idea. like, most of when i saw friends this quarter was just working together at coho. and that was great, because i was able to be productive and social at the same time, freeing other time to do whatever i wanted/needed. this also helped me feel less overwhelmed because social obligations can feel draining/stressful when you have a lot of academic pressures, and also having other people around is really motivating for me. i definitely had to go out less & be less social as the quarter wore on, but not thinking about that as a chore was helpful. like, taking an early night can actually be pretty fun? i wouldn’t work on those nights, i’d just chill and listen to music and do stuff i liked, and then i’d go to bed at 10 and be up the next morning and be ready to work– whereas if i’d gone out, i would’ve been hungover and irritated till like 2pm lol. so sometimes you’ll have to say no to things that are ~less fun~ but i certainly don’t regret it at all and it was honestly probably better for my health. it’s all about how you budget your time.

but mainly find out what works for you and do it. i realized that i do very poor work in my room unless i’m really stressed and have an assignment due that day. so if it’s your room, your lounge, tresidder, the library, alone, with people, whatever it is….find it and do it! it was super helpful for me knowing that i can only work with friends if we commit to not distracting each other, so i would often have to say no if i was really concerned about work. and that def helped me just knowing my own capabilities and how i perform best. my mood supplements and caffeine also help with this, because when i’m depressed i perform worse and i have no motivation. so that was some trial and error, figuring out how to be Less Depressed and taking effort to do those things. this and being organized are the best pieces of advice i can give, probably.

oh also! get help. i would have done Very Poorly in perception and symsys if i didn’t treat office hours as a religion (don’t know my final grade for symsys, but i have a 97 right now, and i got a 99 in perception). i wrote it into my schedule and went to multiple sets of office hours every week just because those subjects don’t come naturally to me, so i forced myself to learn the concepts over and over again until i actually knew them. i HIGHLY recommend going to office hours whenever you can – i definitely plan on it for stats next quarter. it’s actually so helpful and so good for your grades, like the TAs basically told us all we needed to know for homework and tests. and then, if office hours isn’t an option, talking to people who took the class/know the subjects, going online, or just like, getting a tutor is always really good. it’s always good to have extra help and support. like i said, if i had just gone through this quarter alone, i definitely would’ve gotten B’s (at best) in those courses.

i hope this helps & good luck!!

#advice #studying #i was supposed to make some post about getting a good GPA #bc i finally cleared 4.0 again \m/#but my brain is still fogged i have a limited memory of how i got good grades also #i didnt really deserve them till last qtr #so #lol #grades #studyblr #stan #stanford

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s1xthhouse · 7 years

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gwenkota 11, percabeth 20 bc i thrive on drama

[send me writing prompts using this]

ask and u shall recieve, drama hoe

11. things you said when you were drunk

For the first time in Gwen’s life, she had actually cut loose and let herself get roaring drunk. The senorio was perfect; Dakota invited people over to the little house he rented for a party, plenty of poisons and chasers and even a keg. Togas, plastic goblets, laurels, and very, very loud music. It was a classic rager and Gwen a thrown herself to it, letting the atmosphere lure her into drunkenness. As the host, Dakota made sure everyone was having fun, but he found himself playing games with Gwen the whole night; beer pong partners, mates during king’s cup, and just narrowly avoiding each other every turn of spin the bottle.

By 1 AM, the party had already hit its climax and people were either drunkenly walking home or had passed out somewhere in Dakota’s house, save for his room. If it wasn’t for the fact that the housing community in New Rome was small, people walking home would’ve seen questionable, but it gave the neighborhood police something to do if someone ended up streaking down the street. Despite all this, Gwen was still up and swaying slowly to the music playing, she was nursing a solo cup in hand. Dakota was pretty drunk, he was comfortable in his foggy headedness, it was enough for him to feel different and yet still conscious enough for him to get a head start cleaning.

“Can I help?” Gwen offered, but Dakota just waved it off, telling her to sit at the counter while he capped all the booze and threw out all the empty cups. They talked quietly in the kitchen, with Gwen still taking sips from whatever was in her cup. “Mm, I had a good time.” She sighed.

“Yeah?” Dakota tied a full garbage bag up “That’s a first.” Gwen stuck her tongue out. “I mean you don’t really let yourself have fun.” Dakota walked over to the counter she was sitting on, he leaned on his hand propped next to her, not quite leaning into her. He swayed a little in intoxication, but she was actually nodding off a little. “You’re a spectacular beer pong player.”

Gwen started to play with the laurel in Dakota’s hair, a big goofy smile on her face. Her freckles were drowning in her flushed face, her cheeks looking like fresh apples. Gwen was softly humming the song still playing on the stereo, and she wasn’t pulling her hand away from his face. “I think you should get some sleep.” Dakota suggested, before he let himself do something stupid. Gwen’s hand dropped. “You can sleep with me in my room.”

Gwen nodded, slipping down off the counter, stumbling a little into Dakota’s chest. She giggled, rattling his heart in the process. “Oh, I’ll sleep with you.” Dakota shook his head at her attempt at drunk flirting, chuckling slightly. Gwen finished her drink and walked with Dakota into his room, one of her hands absentmindedly played with his toga. A dark part of Dakota secretly loved this; he loved that Gwen was being open like this, that the drunk version of herself was flirty towards him. He would never take advantage of this, which is why his want to be intimate with her remained in his fantasies.

She flopped into Dakota’s half-made bed, her toga coming up to reveal the short-shorts she was wearing underneath the bed sheets. Dakota went back into the living room to turn off lights and the music, saying goodnight to some of the people passing out on the chairs and couches. Before going back into his room, he grabbed what was left of a handle of vodka. Gwen had settled herself into bed, she had taken off her laurel and put it on the bedside table, her red hair in a sort of tangled mess. Dakota sat up in bed, Gwen cuddling with his arm. Every now and then they would cuddle after a party, mostly because Dakota was very cuddly, but the shoe was on the other foot and Dakota suddenly didn’t know how to feel.

He took a swig from the handle, burning his mouth. If her drank enough he would pass out soon, he’d forget that his heart was beating fast because of Gwen. “Hey,” She mumbled. Dakota looked down at her, her eyes were closed but she still seemed to be awake. “I wisshed we hab kished duurin spbin th boddle.” She slurred, her face squished against the blankets. “You neber remmemm our kishes.”

What did that mean, he thought. When they were twelve they were each other’s first kiss, but that was just so they could say they had been kissed before. Since then, nothing. Gwen must’ve been talking about someone else, Dakota decided. There was no way in one of his stupors he had kissed Gwen… Dakota drank some more.

20. things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

Percy was having yet another existential crisis, far more than he should be having in the span of one month. A normal person probably has one about three times in their life, Percy clearly was an outlier. With his mom pregnant, Percy found himself thinking a lot about his own future, which wasn’t something he should dwell on too much. Much of his life consisted of near death experiences, any demigod could relate, so the thought of thinking any further than the weekend was the last thing people like him should be thinking about.

Right now he just needed to get through school; his finals had kicked his ass, but he had done well enough in summer school that he could spend the next month and a half at camp. He didn’t want to think about Annabeth’s plans for them to go to university across the country, how at some point he had seen himself living in California for his whole life. That had been before his mom told him he was going to be a big brother, before he felt obligated to help his mom out despite her telling him it wasn’t necessary.

A buzz went off in Percy’s pocket, speak of the devil. “Hey, mom.” He answered. A while back, Leo had managed to invent a cell phone that was monster-tracking proof (within reason) and worked well within camp. The Iris Message was still the prefered mode of communication, but for practicality the lPhone worked better. He had just put his duffle bag under his bunk in Cabin 3, he sat down into the freshly made bed.

“Hi, Percy,” His mom greeted back. “I was just checking in, did you make it to camp alright?”

“Yeah,” He replied. “Argo’s bringing the car back now, I think.”

“I don’t know why you didn’t call to be picked up, you had to drive there yourself.”

“You know me, I like to make things harder on myself.” Sally sighed on the other line, Percy gave a half hearted smile to himself. It was as if she saw it when she asked if he was alright. “Yeah,” he replied. “I just have a lot on my mind, nothing new.”

“You don’t want to talk about it?” His mom asked. “Is it about school?”

“Kind of,” Percy rubbed his face and sighed. “I was just thinking about Annabeth, what she wants to do in New Rome. It’s not like I don’t want to be with her, it’s just I did a lot of work to try and catch up with her and I feel like my brain is fried from all the studying I did. I just… I don’t know if I want to go to California and do it all over again, and to do it so far from home.”

Sally was quiet for a moment, but Percy could still hear the faint sound of her breathing. “I’ve never once thought about what I wanted to do with my life,” he continued. “Because I didn’t think I was going to have one, so many of my teachers just see me as a failure-”

“Percy,” Sally tried to console him, tell him it wasn’t true.

“In the past,” Percy corrected himself. “In the past, but I still think about it. No matter how much support I have between you and Annabeth I still doubt myself and I doubt this future she has planned for us.”

Again, Sally didn’t say anything, then a beat passed and she spoke: “I know you feel this pressure to make up your mind soon, especially since you’re going to be a senior, but you still have time to decide what you want to do with your life, Percy.”

Percy felt his heart clench with anxiety, he felt his mom didn’t understand, that she didn’t understand that he felt pressure from Annabeth more than anything. Percy loved Annabeth, he could see himself with her for a long time, but he also didn’t want their lives to start together immediately after high school.

“But I think you should talk to Annabeth about this,” His mom continued. “I know you think it will be the end of everything if you disagree on one thing, but she needs to hear how you feel. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s trapped you into this life that you don’t really want.” Percy felt himself choke up a little, all the stress from school and his mental turmoil had built up and released. He had to tell Annabeth, he had to own up to his insecurities.

“You’re right,” Percy sniffed. “Yeah, I gotta do that.”

“I have to go now,” Sally said. “But call me soon, okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighed, trying not to cry. A wave of catharsis had crashed on Percy, a feeling he only ever got from talking to his mom. “I love you, mom.”

“‘Love you, too.” Percy hung up, gently tossing his phone onto his pillow. Percy looked up for the first time since he answered the phone, and Annabeth was standing in the doorway to the cabin. The sight of her made his heart jump out of his chest in more ways than one; she was beautiful as always, but the question still stood: how long had she been standing there.

Percy’s head blanked from fear, he sighed every imaginable curse he could muster. Annabeth didn’t look angry, but her eyebrows were knitted together at the center, her mouth turned downwards slightly. Percy stood up and was about to go over to her but she beat him to it, she wrapped her arms around him tightly. Maybe she hadn’t heard him, Percy thought for a moment. If she hadn’t that would be a huge weight off his chest, but she would need to know sooner or later.

Annabeth looked up at him, her chin resting on his chest. Her grey eyes were filled with concern, almost glossy with tears herself. “I didn’t know you felt this way.” She said, nearly whispering. “I-I didn’t mean-”

“Annabeth,” Percy laid her head back down, his hand petting her blonde curls. “It’s not your fault your boyfriend is a pushover.” He felt her chuckle a little. Percy took a deep breath, a much needed deep breath. “I want you to know I haven’t been doubting your plans for a long time, I was just thinking about it recently.”

She stepped away a little, her arms still around him and his hand still cupped the side of her face. “I’m sorry,” Annabeth turned her head so she could kiss the inside of his hand. “I know you’ve worked really hard in school, and I don’t want you to do it just because I want you to.” Percy felt himself tear up again, and he kissed her.

Kissing Annabeth always felt right, there was no doubt about it. Her hands gripped the back of his shirt, and she leaned back into him. Percy then kissed the tip of her nose, and then under her eyes, and then her forehead, peppering her with little kisses, making Annabeth giggle a little. “Don’t worry,” he whispered. “I still have part of a year to get my shit together.”

#hehkhatea writes #gwenkota #percabeth #these got kind of long whoops #yeeeeeess?

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