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wiypt-writes · 4 years

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Stark Spangled Banner

Ch 14: Nothing Personal

Summary: Steve confronts Fury about the Lemurian Star mission and the Director reveals just exactly what it is he’s been working on. However, when Fury is later gunned down in Steve’s apartment right in front of the Captain and Katie, the two are forced to run from the very people they’ve called colleagues and friends for years.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Language! Violence.

A/N: I love this edit from @angrybirdcr

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 13

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

“You just can’t stop yourself from lying, can you?” Steve seethed as he crossed the floor of Fury’s office.

Nick didn’t even need to ask him what he was talking about. Without turning round the Director spoke calmly. “I didn’t lie. Agent Romanoff had a different mission than yours.”

“Which you didn’t feel obliged to share” Steve pressed, raising an eyebrow as the Director spun in his chair to face him.

“I’m not obliged to do anything” Fury replied simply, looking at him.

“Those hostages could’ve died, Nick.” Steve pressed, holding the man’s gaze.

“I sent the greatest soldier in history to make sure that didn’t happen.” Fury stated, and Steve could feel his temper rising even more. He hated the blasé attitude the Director was discussing the issue with, like it was simply something he wasn’t all that bothered about.

“Soldiers trust each other, that’s what makes it an army.” He said after a short pause. “Not a bunch of guys running around and shooting guns.”

He wasn’t expecting the response he got. Fury leaned forward, frowning as he levelled Steve with a look.

“The last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.” Fury spoke, his tone steely. Steve cocked his head to one side, crossing his arms but maintaining his silence. “Look, I didn’t want you doing anything you weren’t comfortable with. Agent Romanoff is comfortable with everything.”

“I can’t lead a mission when the people I’m leading have missions of their own.” Steve pointed down at Fury’s desk, stressing his point.

“It’s called compartmentalization” Fury eyed him. “Nobody spills the secrets because nobody knows them all.” Steve snorted silently and gestured at Fury. “Except you.” Fury took a deep breath and levelled Steve with a look. “You’re wrong about me. I do share. I’m nice like that.” Steve frowned as Fury stood up and motioned for him to follow.

“Where are we going?” Steve’s frustration was evident on his tone.

“You’ll see.” Fury stepped inside the elevator. Steve followed. “Insight bay.”

A photo of Nick’s SHIELD ID flashed up on the screen, surrounded by a green light. Then Steve noticed his, but the light was red as the SHIELD computer spoke. “Captain Rogers does not have clearance for Project Insight.”

“Director override, Fury, Nicholas J.” Fury spoke, without missing a beat.

“Confirmed.”

The elevator started to moved downwards. Steve leaned against the rail which ran round the middle of the glass box and clasped his hands in front of him by his belt. Despite his initial annoyance, he had found himself beginning to understand what the Director was saying. SHIELD had so many secrets, many a matter of national security. It made no sense for everyone to know everything, it was a security risk, he got that. But it still irked him.

“You know, they used to play music.” Steve said, his tone softer as he broke the silence, making a joke at his own expense.

“Yeah. My grandfather operated one of these things for forty years.” Fury mused, somewhat nostalgic. “My granddad worked in a nice building, he got good tips. He’d walk home every night, roll of ones stuffed in his lunch bag. He’d say ‘hi’, people would say hi back. Time went on, neighbourhood got rougher. He’d say ‘hi’ they’d say, ‘Keep on steppin’. Granddad got to grippin’ that lunch bag a little tighter.”

The flash into Fury’s personal life surprised Steve somewhat. He cocked his head to one side and looked at the man. “Did he ever get mugged?”

“Every week some punk would say, “What’s in the bag?”

“What did he do?”

“He’d show ‘em. Bunch of crumpled ones and loaded point twenty-two Magnum.” Fury smirked “Granddad loved people. But he didn’t trust them very much.”

Steve had to smirk slightly, thinking that Fury sounded a hell of a lot like his grandpa. He looked down for a second, and when he looked up he was aware that they had now travelled down the side of the Triskellion and were descending further, underground even. As Steve looked around he realised he was in some sort of below building hangar, and he looked out of the glass, spotting three giant Helicarriers. His mouth fell open in surprise, his brow furrowing.

“Yeah, I know. They’re a little bit bigger than a point twenty-two.” Fury remarked.

Eventually the elevator stopped and Fury stepped out, Steve hot on his tail as he watched people bustling around the hangar shouting, carrying things, fixing things. The helicarriers were bigger than the one they’d used during the Chitauri invasion, each being able to house at least twenty Quinjets.

“This is Project Insight.” Fury explained as he led Steve across the floor of the hangar. “Three next generation Helicarriers synced to a network of targeting satellites.”

And then Steve understood. “Launched from the Lemurian Star.”

“Once we get them in the air they never need to come down. Continuous suborbital flight courtesy of our new repulsor engines.” Fury stopped underneath one.

“Stark?” Steve asked, frowning.

“Well, he had a few suggestions once he got an up close look at our old turbines.” Fury nodded, as they continued. “But don’t worry, that’s not something Nova is keeping from you.”

“I wasn’t” Steve said honestly, as he looked up and around the hangar. “I trust my girl.”

Fury looked at him before he turned his attention back to the matter in hand and pointed up again “These new long range precision guns can eliminate a thousand hostiles a minute. The satellites can read a terrorist’s DNA before he steps outside his spidy hole. We gonna neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen.”

Steve crossed his arms. “I thought the punishment usually came after the crime.”

“We can’t afford to wait that long.”

Steve could feel the nerve twitching in his jaw. “Who’s ‘we’?”

“After New York, I convinced the World Security Council we needed a quantum surge in threat analysis. For once we’re way ahead of the curve”

“By holding a gun at everyone on Earth and calling it protection?” Steve looked at the director, frowning. He didn’t like this. It smacked of something HYDRA would do.

Fury picked up on his tone and he looked at Steve, arching an eyebrow. “You know, I read those SSR files. Greatest generation? You guys did some nasty stuff.”

Don’t I know it? Steve thought to himself as he took a deep breath. “Yeah, we compromised. Sometimes in ways that made us not sleep so well. But we did it so the people could be free.” He turned and pointed at the helicarriers before looking at Fury “This isn’t freedom, this is fear.”

“SHIELD takes the world as it is, not as we’d like it to be.” Fury stated simply. “It’s getting damn near past time for you to get with that program, Cap”

Steve shook his head. “Don’t hold your breath.” And with that he left.

He changed quickly, eager to put as much distance between him and SHIELD as possible for the rest of the day. After a short conversation with Rumlow about a mission report, he was on his bike and heading for Katie’s apartment, his mind whirling. What was Fury playing at? This wasn’t what he signed up for, at all. It felt so far removed from what he had joined the army to do, to keep people safe, free. Had he really changed that much? He felt a sudden pang for his Howling Commandoes, for Bucky, for Peggy, for Colonel Philips, for all those damned missions which had been simple- destroy HYDRA before they destroyed you.

Despite the fact he had woken up that morning and felt so happy with his girl being there, he couldn’t help but wish life was as simple as it had been back then.

*****

Katie’s morning had been far more productive. She had looked at a couple of transcript extracts her editor had selected. She had to admit, the guy had a good eye for a future blockbuster, and this one she particularly liked. After discussions, they settled on an initial run of two hundred hard copy of the books to be sold online, along with a downloadable kindle version, and if they went they would review how many more we needed.

Pleased with her mornings work and having cleared her diary for the afternoon, she had lunch in the kitchen and had just finished when she heard the elevator door open. She headed into the main area of her apartment to greet Steve, taking a deep breath as she noticed how drained he looked.

“Dare I ask how it went?”

His response was a sigh as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug, simply wanting to feel her close.

“That good huh?” She squeezed him back gently before she pulled away and headed towards the kitchen, him following behind her.

“Debrief was fine. Fury, however, went on about compartmentalisation, the usual crap.” Steve sighed, running his hand over his face, smiling softly to himself when he saw she was gathering stuff out of the fridge to make him a sandwich “And then shared something I really wish he hadn’t.”

“Like what?” she asked, throwing some turkey and mayo onto a sub. “Ever heard of Operation Insight?” Steve looked at her, even though he knew the answer. There’s no way she would have and not told him.

“No?” She handed him the plate containing his sandwich.

“Well apparently your brother has. Thanks.” He took the plate from her sat at the breakfast bar taking a bite of his food. He swallowed and then continued “Three huge hellicarriers that are basically designed to go up in the air and never come down based on Tony’s arc reactor tech. Programmed to monitor potential threats and wipe them out before they get chance to do anything.” She frowned, settling on the stool next to him. “And Fury has sanctioned this?”

Steve nodded, taking another bite of his food. “I don’t like it. Like I said to him, punishment normally comes after the crime.”

Katie could see he was really struggling with this and that his faith in SHIELD was running very, very thin. A lot of what the Agency did was political, not just about keeping people safe. She’d tried to explain that the lines were a lot more blurred than back in the 40s, but still had to admit she was kind of with him. As she pondered for a moment, Steve could see the cogs whirring in her brain, the slight v shape crease that always formed in the middle of her eyes when she was thinking was present. Steve didn’t blame her, it had thrown him too and he’d had the full explanation. The hangar had been huge, and there were enough people in there to make him realise that a LOT of people knew about it. What he didn’t know was who on his immediate team knew about it.

“I just wanna know who I can trust” He sighed, looking at Katie as she reached out gently, touching his cheek.

“I know, Soldier.” she said, softly before she shook her head. “Okay, no more talk about SHIELD or hellicarriers, or whatever.” She moved to pick up her soda. “What do you want to for the rest of the afternoon?”

Steve wanted to go to the Smithsonian. He’d been thinking about it since they had emailed him to invite him to open the exhibit on him, which he had politely declined. But he was curious to see what it was like, curious and also eager, after today, to be reminded of a time when he worked with people he knew inside out, people that he would trust with his life. And he was keen to share that with his girl, the woman who had months ago before they even started dating, been the one to help him pick what the museum would display.

“You know, we’ve still not been to the Smithsonian since they opened the exhibit.” He shruged, hoping his tone was casual enough to make it sound like he hadn’t been thinking about it enough. He failed though, smiling as Katie looked at him, arching an eyebrow.

Busted.

“Call it curiosity.” He shrugged.

“You know what curiosity did don’t you?” Katie quipped back, her eyes flashing playfully.

“What?”

She grinned as she delivered the punchline “Killed the Cap.”

*****

“A symbol to the nation. A hero to the world. The story of Captain America is one of honour, bravery and sacrifice,” the narrator at the Smithsonian museum said as we entered the exhibit.

Steve paused to pull the collar of his blue jacket up a little further, a gesture that, along with the cap that was pulled down over his face, he hoped would prevent him from being recognised as they made their way to the start of the pieces.

"Denied enlistment due to poor health, Steven Rogers was chosen for a program unique in the annals of American warfare. One that would transform him into the world’s first super soldier,” the Narrator continued. Steve paused to look at the display to his right when Katie gently nudged him.

“Think you’ve been rumbled.”

Steve looked down at her, and then followed her gaze as she looked to her left at a small boy dressed in a light blue T-shirt adorned with the design of his shield who was watching the pair of them, his eyes growing wide. Steve smiled, put a finger against his mouth to indicate for him to keep quiet. The boy nodded and then turned, running back off to find his mum.

Without speaking Steve took her hand and led her over to the part of the exhibit that had an older looking motorcycle on a platform and some black and white footage playing beside it. The footage was of him in his older Captain America uniform, also currently on display, running through a battlefield.

“In this rare footage, everyone’s favourite war hero, Captain America…”

He didn’t stop to hear the rest, he could remember that mission by heart. It had been on the outskirts of Toulouse, liberating another HYDRA prison camp. Katie allowed herself to be led by him, this was his moment after all. They slowly walked to a display of mannequins dressed in his original suit, plus those of the Howling Commandos, which had been donated by their families. His eyes lingered on Bucky’s for a second and he took a deep breath.

“Battle tested, Captain America and his Howling Commandos quickly earned their stripes. Their mission, taking down HYDRA, the Nazi rogue science division,”

Katie looked at the uniforms, a smile on her face. She had only seen photos of Steve’s war suit, never seen it in person and it intrigued her. More so because this was something that her dad had made, something physical he had touched. She felt a tug on her hand again, and she looked up to see that she was being led to a section dedicated to Bucky. The familiar (albeit again, only from photos), handsome face of his best friend looked back at them as they wandered over to read what it said in more detail.

“Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country…”

The narration didn’t cover half the text on the black, glass screen and in Katie’s opinion it wasn’t a particularly good tribute to a man who had lost his life in such tragic circumstances. She read the rest of the text as Steve’s eyes skated over it, reading, despite the fact he knew it all. He wished he could have saved him, he really did. He’d loved him to have been able to meet Katie. But then, he wouldn’t have anyway. As he would have most likely been dead now. Or what’s to say things may or may not have ended up differently. Would Buck have been on the Valkyrie with him?

He watched the black and white footage playing, where the two of them were talking and then laughing about something and he felt the sadness hit his chest again. And as if she sensed it too, Katie gripped his hand a little bit tighter and lay her head against his arm, her weight giving him something to anchor himself too, and he was grateful for it.

They carried on walking and then they found there was a small cinema area a bit further round the corner playing footage and interviews. Steve paused for a second and then looked at Katie, the question stayed silent. She nodded and together they walked in, taking a seat on one of the benches. There was a bit of introduction footage, and then a familiar face appeared on the screen.

Besides him Katie took a deep breath and whispered a single word “Dad…” and he automatically dropped a hand to her knee, where she placed hers on top of his as the two of them watched her father an animatedly talking to the camera.

“Rogers was different” Howard spoke, smiling, the caption on the screen telling him the footage had been filmed in 1953. “He was constantly striving to do the right thing, with no fear or care for how it would affect him. He, err, when we dropped him behind enemy lines we had no idea if we would see him again. I narrowly escaped myself, the machine guns nearly took our aircraft down but without thought to how he would get back, he told us to leave him behind. When they declared him missing in action the entire company was devastated but, lo and behold… well they can’t keep a good man down.” Howard paused and then looked down and back up at the camera “I can only hope that if I’m graced with Children, they grow up to be half as driven as he was to do the right thing…”

As Katie looked down at her feet, a stray tear fell down her cheek. Seeing her dad there like that was raw. She knew that Tony felt the loss of their parents far more than she did, she had only been seven after all when they had died and Tony had been her father, if you will, for far longer than her actual dad had. But still, seeing him in front of her so candidly, talking about his hopes for his future children, made something in her chest tighten and she couldn’t help but feel sadness at the fact she never got the chance to really know him. Steve gently squeezed her knee, but then as they looked back up at the screen it was his turn to still as someone he recognised extremely well, her face painted into his memory for life, entered the screen and began speaking, also in 1953.

"That was a difficult winter. A blizzard had trapped half our battalion behind the German line. Steve, Captain Rogers, he fought his way through a HYDRA blockade that had pinned our allies down for months.” Peggy Carter stumbled slightly through the interview. “He saved over a thousand men, including the man who would become my husband as it turned out. Even after he died, Steve was still changing my life,” And despite the fact that she smiles slightly at the end of this line, it’s clear to see that talking about Steve affected her a lot.

Katie leaned against him and with a breath he lay his head on top of hers. “We haven’t seen her for a while…” she whispered as the video finished. “Shall we go on the way home?” He gave a soft chuckle and dropped a kiss to the crown of her head.

“You read my mind.”

*******

Peggy was pleased to see them, as always when she was having a good day. They both greeted her and after a few pleasantries they told her about their trip to the Smithsonian. Peggy smiled, informing them that she remembered the interview, like it was yesterday, apparently the man interviewing her had been an “utter rogue”, but she didn’t elaborate on what that meant further than saying he was worse than Barnes, which made Steve laugh. They chatted a little about her time as Director at SHIELD before she trailed off with a sigh as she noticed that Steve was uncharacteristically quiet. After a little gentle coaxing from her and Katie he told her what was on his mind.

“My whole life I’ve just wanted to do what was right, I guess I’m not sure what that is anymore.” He paused for a moment, thinking of how to voice his worries about SHIELD “And I thought I could just throw myself back in and follow orders, it’s just not the same.”

Peggy chuckled as she rolled her eyes and looked at Katie. “He’s always so dramatic.”

Katie let out a small laugh, nodding her agreement. “Tell me about it!”

Steve shook his head, a smile on his face as he raised his eyebrows slightly and looked away as Peggy continued to speak.

“Look you saved the world, we rather mucked it up.”

“No you didn’t. You know, knowing that you helped found SHIELD is half the reason I stay.”

“And the other half being?” Her eyes strayed to Katie who smiled, looking down and then up at Steve as he caught her eye, his hand resting on her knee.

“I quit remember?” Katie reminded her.

Peggy smiled “Indeed, a woman with principles. That I can get on board with. ”Katie gave a little smile as Peggy continued. “Look, the world has changed and none of us can go back.” She spoke softly. “All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.“

At that she started to cough. Steve quickly picked up a glass of water from the table and rounded the back of the chair Katie was sitting in to try and hand her the glass.

"Peg?” He held the glass out as her coughing subsided and she took a sip. Once she had finished she looked up and stared at Steve as if she was seeing a ghost

“Steve?” Peggy breathed out in an amazed yet broken voice.

“Yeah,” Steve whispered, his heart sinking as he recognised the look in her face. Her memory had gone, again.

“You’re alive! You, you came, you came back,” Peggy whimpered. Tears were gathering in her eyes at this point as she tried to hold them back and Steve was struggling to do the same with his own. One of the smartest, nicest, bravest women he had ever met was being betrayed by an illness that was literally rotting her brain. It was cruel, and every time she did this, they went through the same routine.

“Yeah, Peggy.” Steve responded forcing a smile onto his face as Katie squeezed his hand gently, standing up so he could take the chair next to Peggy.

“It’s been so long. So long,” Peggy started to cry, giving up on holding back her tears.

“I’ll leave you with her.” Katie spoke softly as she gently touched Steve’s shoulder. His hand briefly reached up to lay over hers before he leaned over to take Peggy’s.

“Well, I couldn’t leave you.” He forced himself to smile. “Not when you still owe me a dance.”

Normally that calmed the old lady down, but not today. She was becoming more and more confused and in the end he had to press the call button.

“Again?” The nurse who attended asked softly, and Steve simply nodded.

“I’ll fetch the doctor.”

She ran her hand over her face, rubbing at her eyes slightly and waited as she watched various people coming and going out of the main doors of the hospital. It wasn’t that long before a familiar figure appeared, a flash of white T-shirt standing out against his dark navy jacket and equally dark jeans as he walked towards her, hands in his pockets. She stood up, not saying a word as she wrapped her arms around him and he buried his face into the nook of her shoulder and neck, his safe place, his hands gently resting on her hips as he breathed out a sigh.

“Is she okay?” she asked gently. “Yeah they sedated her.” He said as he pulled away.

“I’m so sorry Steve.”

“What for?” “Peggy…it’s so unfair.” “Yeah…” He replied simply. And it was. He wished things could be different, that Peggy wasn’t ill. That she could be home, with her family, living out the last years of her life with the dignity she had lived the rest of it. She deserved more. He looked over the car roof across the street and watched for a second, everyone milling about their business, getting on with their lives. Like he was, and whilst he wished things had been different for Peggy, he suddenly found himself thinking and wondering if he would change anything if he could.

He felt Katie still in front of him, reacting to the fact he himself had changed posture, and as he looked down at her he was suddenly struck with the answer to his question. Despite everything, despite his sudden feelings of nostalgia sparked by the events of the last twenty hours or so, no he wouldn’t. Because whatever had happened, every action, every decision, it had led him to the girl now in his arms, and he loved her so fucking much it hurt. Yeah he had loved Peggy, he still did in some ways, but it was nothing compared to this. Nothing.

He reached out and took Katie’s hands, pulling up her arms so they were round his neck, pulling her closer to him as his own hands joined at the bottom of her back

“I love you.” He said gently, needing her to understand, to believe him. “My best girl.”

“I hope I’m your only girl, Rogers.” She sassed back with a sniff, and he smiled softly, happy that she understood.

“How about we head back to mine and not leave the flat for the entire day tomorrow?” Steve looked down at her, the idea suddenly coming to him and her face lit up. Katie loved lazy days. It was rare Steve was in the mood for them, his incessant energy normally meant he had to be doing something. But on the odd time he agreed, it usually involved them staying in bed till about midday, then watching old movies on the TV under a blanket on the couch, maybe a bit of fooling around and then calling a take out before retreating back to bed. Right now that sounded like a damned fine idea. “Can you clear your diary?”

“Consider it cleared.”

“I just wanna make one quick stop on the way home” He suggested, his journey of contemplation was leading him to one more place. He glanced at his watch before planting a kiss on her lips as she looked at him questioningly. “Thought we could pay our jogging friend a visit.”

********

“Look who it is. The running man and his pretty girl.” Sam joked slightly as he came over to the doorway where Katie and Steve were stood.

“Hey.” Katie smiled as he dropped a kiss onto her cheek.

“Caught the last few minutes. It’s pretty intense,” Steve commented as Sam shook his hand.

“Yeah, brother, we all got the same problems. Guilt, regret,” Sam shrugged. As his sentence went on his voice got more serious and softer.

“Have you lost someone?” Steve asked, perceptive as ever. Katie mentally cursed herself for not filling him in fully, but Sam didn’t seem too bothered to talk about it. He nodded gently.

“My wingman, Riley. Fly in the night mission. A standard PJ rescue op, nothing we hadn’t done a thousand times before, till an RPG knock Riley’s dumb ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do. It’s like I was up there just to watch,” Sam paused to cross his arms over his chest, his posture slightly tense. “After that, I had really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?”

“But you’re happy now, back in the world?” Steve asked

“Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell, yeah,” Sam joked, loosening up slightly, before getting a bit serious, “You thinking about getting out?”

“No.” Steve replied quickly before he took a breath. “I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t know what I would do with myself if I did.”

“Ultimate fighting?” Sam shrugged and Steve laughed as Katie snorted. “It’s just a great idea off the top of my head. But seriously, you could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?”

Steve turned his head to look at Katie, an unconscious movement, smiling gently as he shrugged. “I dunno…”

“Oh I think you do.” Sam said, smirking slightly as Steve placed his hand on the small of his girl’s back.

“Oh, stop by the front desk on your way out,” Katie turned to Sam, smirking, and he raised an eyebrow in question,

“We asked for you by name.” Steve clarified.

“She seemed thoroughly impressed.” Katie finished. Both of Sam’s eyebrows rose at that and he looked down the hallway towards where the front desk was.

“You two are the best.” A smile stretching across his face as he began to turn to head down the hall. “Stop by anytime.”

“No problem.” Steve grinned in amusement as Sam jogged his way down the hall.

It was gone eight by the time they got home, having made a pit stop for a beer on the way. Steve held the door open for Katie, and she stepped into the apartment building and started to climb the stairs in front of him, giving him a quite pleasing view of her ass as her hips swayed side to side in front of him.

“Sam’s right you know.” She continued their discussion from the bar. “And so is Peggy.”

“What about?”

“If you wanted to get out you could do, start over.”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I want, but spending the rest of my life playing janitor for Fury is not it.”

“I can write you a resignation note.” She grinned and Steve chuckled slightly and then took a deep breath.

“You know, it’s funny when I think about it. Us, stuff, what we’ve done and how far we’ve come in a year.”

“You’re saying it like it’s a bad thing.” She teased as she stepped onto his landing.

“No, that’s not what I mean at all.” He took a deep breath as she headed towards his door and turned to face him “You know, I’ve never really talked to anyone or shown them about my past in detail or introduced anyone to Peggy bar you.”

“Well I am your girlfriend.” She shrugged, holding onto the hand that wasn’t digging into his jeans pocket to fish out his keys. “Your best girl.” At that he smiled. “So you should be able to talk to me about anything.”

“I know, I’m not explaining myself very well.” He remarked, finally succeeding in obtaining his keys. And he wasn’t. He was trying to tell her that he couldn’t imagine his life without her, that he wanted her to share his everything, including his home.

“Spit it out Rogers.” She teased as he slid the key into the lock.

He took a deep breath. “Coming home last night and you being there…and then this morning…it was perfect, Doll, and I want that all the time.” He turned to face her leaving his key hanging from the door. “How would you feel about us maybe moving in together?”

She paused for a moment, looking at him, realising he was deadly serious. She raised her eyebrow.

“I thought you came from a time where man and woman didn’t live together until they were married?”

“We could get married if you want.” He blurted out. That made Katie raise both eyebrows as she studied him again, her mouth dropping into a small ‘o’. Steve looked back at her, trying to keep his face passive, as if it had been a joke, even though he knew it wasn’t. He’d known for months she was the one.

But to blurt it out like that? Outside his apartment door, in such a dumbass way?

Way to go, Rogers.

Katie cocked her head to one side, there was a funny look on Steve’s face that she couldn’t place. But whatever it was, even if Steve was serious about them getting married, she knew him well enough to understand that was not how he would want to propose, and that he was probably kicking himself about stumbling it out the way he had done. So she broke the nervous tension, as she always did, with a slight joke.

“You know, that’s not much of a proposal.” She slid her arms up around his neck. “But its one step up from you’d make a great housewife, I suppose.”

“Should I try again?” A cheeky grin spread across his face, glad the tone was playful, his arms circling her waist “Yeah, with a big, fuck off Tiffany diamond.”

“I didn’t think you were so materialistic?”

“Well, you know what they say? Diamonds are a girls’ best friend.”

“And there I was, thinking it was me.” He muttered, his lips pressing onto hers.

“That’s so sweet!” A voice interrupted and they both turned to look at Kate, his neighbour from over the hall. For a split second Steve thought she was talking to them but it soon became apparent she was on the phone. “That’s so nice…but hey, I gotta go…okay bye…”

She dropped the phone into the basket of laundry she was carrying before grinning at us both “My aunt, she’s kind of an insomniac”

Steve smile before looking at the basket of washing in her arms as he dropped his arm round Katie’s shoulder “you know if you want…if you want, you can use my machine. Might be easier and cheaper than the one in the basement.” “Thank you, but I already have a load in downstairs actually, and you really don’t want my scrubs in your machine.” She grinned. “I just finished a rotation on the infectious diseases ward, so,”

“Ah, well, we’ll keep our distance,” Steve grinned, holding his hands up, palms out.

“Hopefully not too far.” She chuckled. “Don’t want to lose my best neighbour. Okay, well I better be off.” She turned to go before she stopped and spun back round to look at Steve. “Oh, by the way, I think you left your stereo on.”

“Right, thank you.” Steve watched her go, frowning. He looked at Katie as they both pressed their ears to the door. The record player was certainly on but…

“We definitely didn’t leave that on before.” Katie looked at him, as the gentle tones of Kitty Kallen Long Long Time hit their ears.

Steve held his finger up to his lips and gestured to the window, before leaving Katie where he was. He ran off, down the stairs as fast as he could and then he scaled the gate on the fire escape easily. Once he reached the steps which were parallel to his window he took a running jump, easily pulling himself up over the sill and into the kitchen area. Quickly and quietly he moved along the wall, picking up his shield which was leaning against the shelving unit. Holding it up, he cautiously peered round the corner of the room into the living area and instantly relaxed when he saw Fury lounging in a chair.

“I don’t remember giving you a key.” He said, somewhat sardonically.

“What, you really think I’d need one?” Nick replied. Steve shook his head and headed to the front door of the flat, pulling it open.

“Fury.” He said with a roll of his eyes, turning and walking back into the apartment.

“Huh?” Katie asked as she followed him into the living room, where the music was coming from, to see Fury sitting on the couch in the dark.

“What are you doing here?” She demanded.

"Nice to see you too, Nova. And in answer to your question my wife kicked me out.”

“I didn’t know you were married,” She continued, frowning. And she didn’t. And she wasn’t sure that he was.

“There are a lot of things you don’t about me,” Fury replied casually.

“I know, Nick. That’s the problem,” Steve grumbled walking forward as Katie remained where she was, eyes narrowed at her old boss. Steve flipped on the light switch, instantly recoiling in surprise when he noticed Fury’s injuries. Besides him Katie gasped slightly and moved to get closer to help but Fury indicated for her to stop and the both of them to stay quiet. He turned off the light again and typed something on his phone.

'EARS EVERYWHERE’.

Bugs? His apartment was bugged? By who? They both exchanged a glance and instantly Katie looked up and around the room, as if she expected to see a microphone glaring at them.

“I’m sorry to have to do this but I had nowhere else to crash,” Fury looked around a bit before he typed something else up on his phone:

'SHIELD COMPROMISED’.

Steve and Katie shared another glance, the pair of them wide eyed. This was bad.

“Who else knows about your wife?” Steve asked, keeping his voice even.

Fury showed them another text;

'YOU TWO AND ME’.

“Just my friends,” Fury grunted in pain while getting up and walking closer to them.

“Is that what we are?” Katie blinked at him. She still hadn’t completely forgiven the man for lying to them all about Coulson.

“That’s up to you.” Fury replied, his eyes darting from Katie to Steve.

Then out of nowhere came a rapid succession of gunshots. Steve quickly pushed Katie out of the way, the pair of them taking cover behind the kitchen wall as Fury groaned before he collapsed down to the floor. Steve scooted forward, keeping as low as he could, pulling him into the kitchen. Katie knelt next to him and tried to check his injuries through his black clothing when he reached up and handed something to Steve.

“Don’t, trust anyone,” he coughed before passing out. Katie and Steve both looked at what he had been handed and saw that it was a flash drive. Steve curled his hand around it and looked at Katie, but before either of them could say anything else there was the sound of someone breaking into the apartment. Steve quickly moved into a defensive position, in front of Katie and Fury, raising his shield.

“Captain Rogers?” a familiar voice suddenly called out and they watched as Kate, his neighbour, cautiously walked in with a gun pointed. “I’m Agent Thirteen of SHIELD’s Special Service.”

“Kate?” Steve frowned, shaking his head. He’d just about had his fill of surprises.

“I’m assigned to protect you.” She continued

“On whose orders?” Katie snapped.

Kate stopped as she spotted Fury lying on the floor. “His,” she dropped besides Katie, checking Fury for a pulse and then spoke into her radio

“Foxtrot is down, he’s unresponsive. I need EMTs.”

“Do you have a twenty on the shooter?” A SHIELD agent questioned through the radio.

Then there was a movement on the other side of the window, on the roof adjacent to the building. Steve instantly glanced up and saw a flash of silver and the shadow of a figure running across the rooftop.

“Tell them I’m in pursuit.” He said and with that he took a running jump and smashed straight through his window, and through into the office building opposite. Steve ran, keeping his eye on the man, smashing through walls, windows, anything in his way. Eventually he caught up with him on the roof and flung his shield at the assassin who, to Steve’s shock, caught it with one swift move in the hand of his metal arm. There was a pause as Steve could do nothing but eye the man with surprise before the shield came flying back. Steve caught it, with both hands on its rim but the force pushed him back a few yards along the gravel surface of the roof. By the time he had stopped the momentum moving him, the assassin had jumped. Steve ran to the edge of the building and looked down.

He was gone.

*****

“What happened?” Hill asked as they all looked through the glass window at the hustle and bustle of the operating room. Steve moved his arm from around Katie and took her hand in his, squeezing her fingers gently.

"He was at my apartment when we got home.” Steve started. “I hadn’t even had chance to ask why when there were two blasts, then another. Someone shot him through the window- three times. I tried to go after the shooter, but I lost him on the roof of the building across the street.”

Steve had no doubt in his mind that if there was anyone else in SHIELD they could trust right now it was Hill, but both he and Katie kept quiet. He had taken Fury’s warning of trusting nobody seriously and had told Katie as much as they had strode through the ED of the hospital. Both were aware that Hill was studying them, side on, her face stony.

“What aren’t you telling me?” She asked quietly.

“Nothing.” Katie answered for them.

Before Hill could drill either of them anymore, the door to the observation room flung open and heavy footsteps crossed the room, stopping at the other side of Katie.

“Is he gonna make it?” Natasha asked, almost inaudibly, staring through the window.

“We don’t know,” Hill mumbled.

“Tell me about the shooter,” Natasha whispered

“He’s fast and strong. And he had a metal arm,” Steve said, letting go of Katie’s hand to fold his arms across his chest and as he did, they both caught the look of recognition and slight fear on Natasha’s face reflected in the window.

“Ballistics?” She swallowed heavily.

“Three slugs. No rifling and completely untraceable,” Maria answered softly.

“Soviet made?”

“Yeah,” Maria looked at Natasha in shock. Steve turned to face her, as did Katie, but she didn’t look back. She stared straight through to the operating theatre but before Katie could ask what it was that she wasn’t saying, the operation room went into overdrive. Machines started beeping erratically, the doctors and nurses were rushing around the room and the panic was palpable even behind the glass. But they couldn’t save him.

“Time of death, 1:03 A.M.”

A few moments passed as the four of them stood completely in shock. Katie reached up to wipe a tear that had trickled down her cheek away, before Natasha turned and almost sprinted out of the room.

Steve pulled his hand out of his pocket, turning the flash drive that Nick had given him over in his hand. Nick had been killed because he knew whatever it was that was on that drive. What could possibly be so bad, so secret, so dangerous that the Director of SHIELD was deemed a threat for knowing? He glanced up at Katie who was watching him, tears in her eyes. She might have had her issues with Fury, but he was a good man and would never have wished him dead. With a sigh Steve placed the item back into his pocket and pulled her in for a hug.

******

A little later, they were all in the same room as Nick’s body. Natasha was by him, hardly having moved a muscle, almost like she was in shock. And it unnerved Katie. Nat wasn’t one to really show emotion but then again, Fury had meant a lot to her. The door opened and a doctor entered, speaking to Hill. She nodded and then walked over to Katie and Steve, coughing to clear her throat.

“They need to take him.” She said, her voice cracking slightly. Steve nodded and stepped forwards.

“Nat. Natasha…” But at that she turned away from them all and made her way quickly into the corridor of the Hospital. Katie and Steve looked at one another, before they hastily followed her.

“Why was Fury in your apartment?” Natasha span around to ask Steve. Her eyes were filled with sadness, but Katie could also see suspicion etched on her pretty features.

“I don’t know,” Steve sighed shrugging his shoulders, and before the conversation could go on further they were interrupted by Rumlow.

“Cap, they want you back at Shield,” He informed them, gently touching Katie’s shoulder. “You too Nova.”

“Alright, give us a second,” Steve nodded dismissing Rumlow, perhaps a little more harshly than he intended, as he turned back to Natasha but Rumlow was insistent

“They want you now,”

“Alright” Katie spoke firmly but calmly. Rumlow nodded and then moved back down the hallway.

“You’re a terrible liar.” Natasha shook her head at Steve with her trademark smirk that didn’t reach her eyes before she turned and left.

“What the hell is on that drive?” Katie asked Steve after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know, but it’s what Natasha was saving data to on our mission the other day.” He replied before he looked up staring very focused into a vending machine to his right, which was open as a janitor filled it up. He didn’t want to take the drive back to the Triskellion, just in case. He knew that something wasn’t quite right.

Katie caught his eye before glancing around the hallway that was mostly full of SHIELD agents, luckily they were all congregated on the other end.

“Do it.” She nodded, figuring out his intention to hide the item “I’ll distract them.”

Without another look back at him, she began to stride forwards towards Rumlow.

“Its almost four am.” she glanced at her watch. “What do they want us for Brock? We already told Sitwell what we know and I don’t work for SHIELD anymore, remember?”

Rumlow shrugged “Honestly, I don’t know Nova. I’m just under instructions to get you both back to base.”

At that point Steve reached them, but he wasn’t stopping. Taking Katie’s hand he nodded to the STRIKE leader

“Let’s go.”

“Yeah,” Rumlow fell into step with them, fixing his earpiece. “Strike! Move it out.”

Steve drove to the Triskellion, Katie’s car flanked by the Armoured SUVs as they sped through the streets of DC. Katie dozed off for ten minutes and Steve let her sleep, lost in his own thoughts. He had expected her to be called in alongside him, especially after she had been, along with him, the last people Fury had spoken to him before he died. But he wasn’t happy about it, he wanted her as far away from whatever the hell was going on as possible. Once they arrived he gently shook her awake and the two of them were given an hour or so to grab something to eat. Neither were hungry, but they forced down their sandwiches, Katie’s brain working in overdrive as she did so. Something was nagging at her, and she was trying to make the connections, figure it out, but her head simply kept replaying Fury getting shot over and over.

“Foxtrot is down, he’s unresponsive. I need EMTs.”

“Do you have a twenty on the shooter?”

She frowned.

“What is?” Steve asked, coffee in his hand as he sat back on one of the large chairs in one of the common rooms by the kitchen area.

“Before…when Kate…Agent thirteen, whatever the hell her name is called back to base…she said Fury was down and needed EMTs…”

She paused and Steve waited, knowing how her analytical brain worked. She had to follow threads, talk them over or write them out, letting them weave together as she did. A look of comprehension crossed her face as the threads connected.

“Sitwell…” She whispered.

“What about him?” Steve asked. “He was the one that replied, at least it sounded like him.” She bit her lip, but not in the seductive way that made his crotch twitch, the way she did when she was thinking “And he asked…do you have a twenty on the shooter.”

Steve frowned, not quite sure where this was going. “Okay…” “Well, how did he know Fury had been shot? How could anyone know he had been shot?”

Now he understood. He understood completely. Damned it she was clever. “They couldn’t.” He sat up and leaned towards her, his voice dropping. “Not unless they were there or Kate…whoever, told them.”

“And she didn’t. She just said he was down and unresponsive.” “Which means…” Steve began, but Katie finished for him. “Sitwell knew about the hit. Because he was in on it.”

The both looked at one another, their faces wearing similar looks of shock. Fury was right, SHIELD was compromised. But how far, they had no idea.

Before Steve had chance to say anything else, the door opened and Rumlow stepped in

“Secretary Pierce is ready now guys.” “Thanks.” Katie nodded, shooting Steve another glance as they both stood up.

“Not a word.” He mumbled as they got into the elevator “We say nothing, not until we figure out who we can trust.”

“If we can trust anyone.” She mumbled back.

*****

“Captain, why was Nick in your apartment last night?” Secretary Pierce looked at Steve as he sat on the couch next to Katie in the large office.

“I don’t know.” He answered in a soft voice.

“Did you know it was bugged?” Pierce pressed on.

“We did.” Katie nodded meeting the secretary’s eye. “Because Nick told us.”

“Did he tell you he was the one who bugged it?”

Steve took a breath and glanced at Katie, his expression stony but the two of them shared the understanding.

No, no he had not.

“I want you to see something.” Pierce continued, and gestured to a monitor just behind the couches we were sitting on. On the screen was a man tied down to a chair, he looked to be currently being interrogated. Katie didn’t recognise the man, but Steve did. It was Batroc, the lead merc from the hijacking of the Lemurian Star.

“Is that live?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, they picked him up last night in a not so safe house in Algiers.”

“Are you saying he’s a suspect?” Steve didn’t take his eyes off the screen “Assassination isn’t Batroc’s line.”

“It’s more complicated than that. Batroc was hired anonymously to hijack the Lemurian Star. He was contacted by email and paid by wire transfer, and then the money was run through seventeen fictitious accounts. The last going to a holding company that was registered to a Jacob Veech.” Pierce said handing Steve a folder.

“Am I supposed to know who that is?” Steve skimmed through the file offered to him in curiosity and confusion.

“Not likely. Veech died six years ago. His last address was 1435 Elmhurst Drive. When I first met Nick, his mother lived at 1437.”

“Wait,” Katie frowned as she gathered what Pierce was suggesting. “Are you saying Fury hired the pirates? Why?”

“The prevailing theory?” Pierce shrugged. “The hijacking was a cover for the acquisition and sale of classified intelligence. The sale went sour and that led to Nick’s death.”

“If you really knew Nick Fury you’d know that’s not true.” Steve replied strongly, and he believed it. Fury was a lot of things, but a traitor he was not.

Pierce nodded in agreement. “Why do you think we’re here talking?” He then got to his feet and began to walk towards the window. “See, I took a seat on the council not because I wanted to, but because Nick asked me to because we were both realists. We knew that despite all the diplomacy, and the hand shaking and the rhetoric, to build a really better world sometimes means having to tear the old one down. And that makes enemies.”

Steve didn’t like the way this was going. He looked at Katie and gestured for her to stand as he did. Pierce turned back around and looked at them both.

“Those people that call you dirty because you’ve got the guts to stick your hands in the mud and try to build something better. And the idea that those people could be happy today,” Pierce shoved his hands in his pockets. “Makes me really, really angry. Captain, you and Miss Stark were the last ones to see Nick Fury alive. I don’t think that’s an accident.” Pierce said matter-of-factly. “And I don’t think you do, either. So, I’m going to ask again was he there?”

“He told us not to trust anyone.” Steve said honestly.

Pierce made a humming sound. “I wonder, if that included him.”

There was a tense moment of silence before Steve spoke again. “I’m sorry. Those were his last words. Excuse us,” He turned to leave, picking up his shield that he sent down upon our arrival and attaching it to the harness on his back, before ushering Katie out of the room slightly ahead of him.

“Captain,” Pierce’s voice halted him mid step and he turned to look at him. “Someone murdered my friend. I’m going to find out why. Anyone who gets in my way is going to regret it.” Pierce’s voice rang out again, a pointed look in their direction.

Steve wasn’t a stupid man, and he knew that was a veiled threat. He took a deep breath, considering his response, before he decided appearing un-rattled was the best option.

“Understood.” He nodded, holding the door open for Katie to step through keeping himself between her and Pierce as he followed, anchoring his hand on her back to keep her moving.

“You should have lied.” She whispered.

“Huh?” “Back then, said we didn’t know why Fury was there. By telling him that he told us not to trust anyone he knows we know and that we’re hiding something.” Her tone was a little panicked and Steve simply took a deep breath.

“We need to get to the hospital and get that stick.” He looked at her, remaining adamant that whatever it was that was on there would hold the answers. He looked up and down the corridor before they stepped into the elevator.

“Operations Control” Steve spoke as the elevator scanned his face and Katie’s Guest ID.

“Confirmed”

Just as the doors were about to close, Rumlow stepped in with two other STRIKE agents.

“Keep all STRIKE personnel on site” He was saying. Both the agents nodded and voiced their acknowledgement of his order. “Forensics.”

“Confirmed.”

“Cap, Nova…” Rumlow nodded to them both.

“Rumlow.” Steve acknowledged him as the doors closed and they started to descend.

“Evidence Response found some fibres on the roof they want us to see.” Rumlow turned his head to look at Steve. “You want me to get the tac-team ready?”

“No, let’s wait and see what it is first.”

“Right.” Rumlow turned back and Steve looked out of the side of the elevator, pondering what his next move was. Chase down the man responsible? The drive? The elevator stopped at the next floor and Rollins plus a few more SHIELD and Strike agents entered, Steve moving over slightly to allow them in.

“What’s the status so far?” Rollins was saying.

“Administrations level” another one asked, before they continued whatever it was they were talking about, moving round to find a space behind Steve and Katie.

He noticed Katie look round, a frown on her face, but before he could say anything Rumlow spoke, looking over his shoulder at Steve.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Fury. Messed up, what happened to him”

“Thank you.” Steve nodded.

Katie could sense something was off. Years of training as an Agent didn’t just leave you when you quit, and those years of training had taught her very well to read body language. Rumlow was alert, too alert, and it was more than just a nervousness because Fury had been killed. There was an atmosphere in the lift, and she glanced at one of the agents that had joined them at the last floor. He was still talking, normally, but he there was a bead of sweat dripping down his cheek from his temple.

Steve could sense it too. He watched as Rumlow and Rollins exchanged a glance and looked down at Katie who was watching him, nervous expression on her face. He shook his head gently, instructing her to keep calm.

The elevator stopped and another agent entered.

“Records”

This one stood in front of them, facing the elevator doors and it was then with a slight air of exasperation at allowing it to happen, Steve realised they were surrounded. Whilst he wasn’t too concerned, he knew he could more than likely fight his way out, it was his girl he was bothered for. It had been months since she had been in active combat, and this was going to be brutal. Besides him Katie stiffened, feeling very underprepared for what was about to go down. She had no weapons, nothing. Instinctively Steve gripped her hand and pulled her forward so she was stood next to him instead of behind and moved his feet apart slightly, hands on the buckle of his belt, adopting his Captain stance, preparing for what was coming.

“Before we get started,” he sighed, looking down before he stared straight ahead, “does anyone want to get out?”

His eyes flicked to the back of Rumlow’s head. There was a moment’s pause before all hell broke loose. They both put up a good fight, ducking, diving, punching. Steve was then shocked with a baton, but he simply grit his teeth, absorbing the electricity into his body. It hurt, but it wasn’t unbearable. And then, three of them managed to snap one of his arms to the wall of the elevator using some kind of metallic clamp, before five of them piled on him at once, attempting to pin his other arm in too. He kicked out, taking down as many as he could.

Just as Katie had floored the second of the agents who had launched at her, she was grabbed from behind by her hair and hauled to the edge of the elevator, being wrestled roughly to the floor by Rumlow who was instantly on top of her, trying to get her wrists from where she had positioned them underneath her body in an attempt to stop them restraining her.

"Brock…” She spoke gently, looking at him as she swallowed. “What’s going on?” “I’m sorry Stark.” He shook his head. “Just following orders.”

“Yeah well follow this.” She snarled, the anger brewing in her as she jerked her head forwards as hard as she could, feeling it connect with his nose. He yelled, and then her head snapped painfully to the right as he back handed her straight across the face. She felt her lip split and the warm, metallic taste of blood hit her taste buds, stars flashing in front of her eyes as her ears began to ring from the harsh knock.

Steve saw Rumlow land the blow to Katie’s face and let out a growl of anger and aimed another kick at the final agent standing, causing them man to collide with the side of the elevator before slumping down. He turned, pulled on his arm as hard as he could, wrenching the cuff off the side of the elevator and looked up in time to see Katie, who was now pinned against the wall by another set of those damned cuffs, take a blow to the ribs from Rumlow causing her to cry out in pain.

“Rumlow!” Steve yelled causing the man to whip his head round, surprise on his face. Katie, using her arms as leverage, swung her legs upwards, kicking Rumlow with both feet. The STRIKE leader stumbled slightly as Steve snarled at him, his entire body and face alight with rage “Touch my girl again and I’ll fucking kill you.”

Rumlow got to his feet, holding one of his arms out, electric rod in his hand “Whoa, big guy. I just want you both to know, this ain’t personal.”

He then lunged at Steve with his electric rod but one on one Steve was easily able to defend himself, he moved to the right, dodged and grabbed Rumlow, throwing him harshly upwards where he crashed into the ceiling of the elevator, before falling to the floor, unconscious.

“Yeah well, it kind of feels personal” Steve said, his breath slightly ragged from the exertion. He used his foot to flip his shield over like a Frisbee, catching it perfectly.

“You alright?” Steve asked, stepping over the bodies that littered the floor of the elevator to get to Katie.

“Yeah.” She assured him. Steve cut the cuffs that were restraining her into two pieces with his shield and she bent over, his hands gently on her back as she rubbed at her side before straightening up and stalking over to where Rumlow was beginning to stir slightly. She kicked him hard in the face, causing him to flip backwards and he was out, unconscious.

“Nothing personal.” She spat, then looked up at Steve. There was a moment during which they both looked around, trying to make sense of what had happened, before the elevator doors opened and Steve pulled Katie sharply behind him. They both stared at a team of STRIKE agents pointing their weapons into the elevator. Steve raised his shield.

“Drop the shield! Put your hands in the air!”

Steve looked round, and spotted the elevator wires to the left of Katie’s head

“DUCK!” he yelled at her, and as she did, he swiped with his shield over her head sending them plummeting. Eventually the emergency brake systems kicked in and the elevator stopped, slightly misaligned with the doors by a few feet. As Katie bent down to retrieve a gun and some ammo off one of the Agents, Steve forced the door open, intending to climb out but more STRIKE agents were approaching. He closed the door again and looked at Katie, then around the glass walls, looking down below us at the glass roof of the main Triskelion atrium.

It was a long way but they could make it.

“You’re fucking kidding, right?” Katie exclaimed, realising exactly what he was thinking.

“Give it up, Rogers! Get that door open! You have nowhere to go!” came the yell from the floor outside the elevator door.

“Do you trust me?” Steve asked, both his hands cupping Katie’s face.

“Of course I do, but…”

“Then hang on…”

She sighed and jumped onto his back, swinging her legs round his waist and her arms round his neck. Steve raised his shield in front of him, before he propelled them forward and broke through the glass in the elevator, spreading his arms out wide as he fell to prevent them from tumbling through the air before tucking his body as tightly in to his shield as he could. Katie did the same, burying her head into his back as they crashed through the glass ceiling and hit the floor with a loud clang, to screams and shouts from people all around the atrium.

Katie gave a soft groan, rolling off Steve who moaned and stretched out, having been winded from the impact. But Steve knew they had to keep moving. With a monumental effort, he pushed himself up onto his knees, took a deep breath and offered his hand to Katie to help her stand. They both took a quick glance around before he started to run, pulling her with him. She stumbled slightly, but Steve kept hold of her, not letting her fall until her legs seemed to be working again.

And then they ran.

**** Chapter 15

**Original Posting**

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers #Katie Stark #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #mcu #mcu fanfic #captain america #chris evans #chris evans characters

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medea10 · 5 years

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My Review of Magical Girl Site

How did I get into this anime? I…huh…Good question! I don’t recall. Probably some other anime reviewers mentioned it and I put it on the Amazon/Netflix list hoping I won’t have to watch it any time soon. Two years later and here we are!

Aya Asagiri’s life is a living hell. She is constantly bullied at school and no one does a thing to stop it. Her teachers don’t care about her well-being. Her father barely notices she exists. And to top it off, her brother beats the crap out of her just for him to relieve stress! Is it any wonder that she wants to commit suicide? One night, her computer mysteriously turns on to a website, promoting Aya to become a magical girl. She brushed it off and thought nothing of it…

That is until the next morning when she finds a note and a gun in her shoe locker. After being tortured by her bullies and almost raped, she finds herself at the end of her ropes and pulls out the mysterious gun. When she pulled the trigger, her bullies disappeared. Turns out, the targets are transported to another place. In the case of some of her bullies, they were transported to in front of a moving train.

Karma, bitches!

It’s unknown why Aya was specifically chosen to become a magical girl, but fellow magical girl Yatsumura feels she could use Aya’s magic to combat a looming threat to other magical girls. But they must not overuse their magic, otherwise they will die.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As of this moment, this anime seems to be in the capable hands of Amazon Prime. And we all know how well they treat animes, right?! Hahaha! Funny! Anyways, don’t expect a dub! The cast seems to be comprised of many female seiyuus I’m not particularly familiar with. I mean with the exception of Aina Suzuki, I hear her sounds every day thanks to the Love Live game apps! Add to that the creepy, raspy voice of Frieza playing the site administrator! One voice actor however I heard the second he let out a creepy, hygena-like laugh, I knew exactly who this crazy bastard was! Nobuhiko Okamoto plays a great psychopath. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Aya is played by Yuuko Oono

*Yatsumura is played by Himika Akaneya

*Sarina is played by Haruka Yamazaki (known for Ruka on Hayate the Combat Butler, Mero on Monster Musume, Aika on High School DxD, and Natsumi on Danganronpa 3)

*Nijimi is played by Yuu Serizawa (known for Shera on How Not to Summon a Demon Lord)

*Shioi is played by Aina Suzuki (known for Mari on Love Live Sunshine)

AUTOMATICLY THROWN ON DISLIKED LIST: Okay children, who automatically ends up on my hate list for life?

Fuckers who commit rape and fuckers who kill animals for fun!

Damn right! Give this anime some credit for not showing Aya’s bullies throwing a cat in front of a moving train. If this were 10 years ago, they probably would have animated it and I would have been puking afterward. I’m not sure which of Aya’s bullies threw a cat in front of a moving train, but for the time being, I’m throwing them all on the list.

And while I’m here, Sarina! She was like the ring-leader in the bullying of Aya. I’m almost certain she’s the bitch that killed the stray cat but I have no proof of that. With my history with horrible people like that, I have no sympathy for bullies in the slightest and feel she got what was coming to her. Bitch, you got that big, ugly scar on your neck for a reason. You got what was coming!

DEFINITELY BELONGS IN DISLIKE HISTORY: Now that I got the usual gripe off my chest, gotta add Aya’s onii-chan, Kaname! Sweet merciful crap, do I love hearing Nobuhiko Okamoto play a psychopath, but this is going way too far. And Kaname is just irredeemable! He has this complex that makes him think he’s on God-tier and everyone else is beneth him. Now I do have to hate Kaname and Aya’s father for placing this kind of pressure on Kaname and beating the shit out of him if he gets bad grades. But good fuck, this guy just pushes past the line of no return when he tries to manipulate little girls, steal their power, and lose control. And this wasn’t like he had no control over his own body and wants to stop this from happening! Kaname meant every thing he did to his sister and her friends. OH…and that one guy he forced to off himself! I just can’t even with this guy!

SHIPPING: I know a lot of people ship the hell out of Aya and Yatsumura and yeah, I can see that and I would ship them too. But for reals, I just want these two girls to live a life of peace together for as long as they’re around. For fuck’s sake, did you see the shit they put up with in their lives? Aya was bullied relentlessly at home and school. Yatsumura watched her whole family be slaughtered by a creep. These girls deserve some sort of peace! I know this is the shipping category, but I felt the need to say this.

STICKS: Okay anime, what are you doing? Aya uses a magical gun! Sarina uses a magical yo-yo! Nijimi uses magical panties (insert immature laugh here)! Yatsumura uses a magical remote! How hard is it to have them say that! And I probably shouldn’t put blame on the anime and holler at the manga! But calling magical items “Sticks”, that feels…I don’t want to say stupid, but I can’t think of any other word to go along with that. I just feel like the manga was on some deadline and they were frantically finishing what to call their magical items and just went “FUCK IT, IT’S STICKS”.

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME: In the “Could have fooled me” category we have a boy who identifies as a girl magical girl! Man, 2018 definitely was the progressive AF year! I mean, we had Lily from Zombieland Saga, we had the girls who transformed into magical buff men in Magical Girl Ore, and now THIS! So we have Kiyo! An openly transgendered magical girl that’s not a token joke! Okay, well done guys! Pearl points all around!

ENDING: Early in the series, we learned about a moment called “The Tempest”. A catastrophic even set to take place once enough negative energy is caught. There are a lot of Magical Girl Site administrators that take advantage of “POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS”. They pick the most unfortunate girls as pawns in their game. And once “The Tempest” hits, everyone will die and the world will start over anew. Aya and Yatsumura end up meeting new magical girl allies and even a few that were coersed by different administrators. Not to mention one of Aya’s bullies is a magical girl too with a score to settle! What could be worse?

How about we add Aya’s disgusting brother to this mix?! As I’ve mentioned before, Aya’s brother Kaname would use Aya as a personal punching bag in order to get rid of stress. When Aya became a magical girl, she would spend more time with Yatsumura or the other girls, leaving Kaname to go without slugging his sister. So fuckface over here manipulates another magical girl, Nijimi to do what he says. This leads to him stealing Nijimi’s underwear and gaining her magical power of mind control. I never thought I would have to say a sentence like that, but here we are.

Kaname went out of control with this power as he managed to injure all of the girls and give a fatal blow to Nijimi. But another possible enemy dropped a bomb on us when they kidnapped Kaname. THEN, these girls are targeted at Nijimi’s funeral and they almost died. Add another plot-twist, a police officer that’s been seen from time to time in a lot of the tragedies in the show is in cahoots with one of the magical girl site administrators. This keeps getting fuckier by the minute! Well, the girls felt it was time to take action and try to take out the administrators that screwed them with this doomed fate. But once they took out one of the administrators, they came across an ugly truth.

Sight administrators are magical girls who died previously!

Yeah, not that big of a shock! Madoka Magica gave us magical girls who end up so corrupt that they become witches they’re supposed to fight. While some of the administrators ended up falling to these girls, Nana (the creepy one we’ve been watching since ep 1) is the hardest one to take out. She ends up killing Yatsumura (because she used up too much of her power), but then manipulates her to become an administrator.

Once she manipulated Yatsumura, she ends up going after Aya. And after a lot of back-and-forth between the two girls, Yatsumura was able to snap out of Nana’s control and they managed to take out Nana. And we end the series with a brighter future for Aya and Yatsumura as their lives become a little less unfortunate.

Yeah, few issues here!

1.) There are still a butt-load of site administrators. Isn’t there still a “Tempest” going to happen? 2.) Aya and Yatsumura’s lives aren’t in danger anymore after using fuck-tons of their power? WTF?! 3.) What was the point of Aya shooting herself to get Yatsumura back? I am not following you. Is this some sort of Insception shit?! 4.) That detective! Misumi was his name? Why was he just casually talking to Nana a few episodes back? 5.) Why don’t we see him until the final few moments in the finale? 6.) WHY DID HE RAPE KANAME?! 7.) WHY WAS THIS SCENE A THING? 8.) I don’t want to say Kaname deserved it, buuuuuut… Uuuggghhh…Mumble, mumble. I can’t finish that thought. 9.) These site administrators are probably pissed and are going to want revenge on these magical girls. What’s going on here?

…Let me guess, I need to read the manga to get all my questions answered…

FUCKING FIGURES!

Seriously...what Misumi did. That scene is forever etched in my brain forever. Next to that scene of Kaname wiggling his junk in front of a guy.

This anime was pretty bad. No wait...

This anime was way too edgy for me! Episode 1 was just absolute torture porn involving Aya. The first episode managed to combine the bully scene in Vivid Strike, the puppy killing scene in Elfen Lied, and every bullying episode of Hell Girl all into one single episode. As for the rest of this series, they go above and beyond to grab some of the worst aspects of other animes and implement them here. Aya’s older brother almost has a God-complex that rivals that of Light Yagami of Death Note. Nijimi has a devoted fan that’s almost crossing over from the movie Perfect Blue. Body mutilation scenes on levels not seen since Higurashi! And fill this world up with the worst kinds of humans imaginable like in Elfen Lied! This was just too much hatred! Too much!

Add to that, there’s absolutely no resolution to this story. Yes, Aya and Yatsumura are alive and together. But guys, there are still some other-worldly strong site administrators looming! Tempest is still happening. KANAME IS STILL FUCKING ALIVE…literally and figuratively speaking! And with how much this anime has been panned by anime fans across the board, I doubt if this anime will ever receive a sequel. Guys, if you want a really good 12-episode anime about magical girls with an edge, just watch Madoka Magica. But if you’re a curious idiot like me, whatever, you do you!

As this anime is an Amazon Prime exclusive, I’m afraid that’s the only legal outlet for this.

Now that this is over, my next Amazon/Netflix/Crunchyroll anime is…

Grand Blue!

Oh, it’s set in a cute ocean town. Am I going to enjoy some cute absurdity like I did with Tsuritama?

Sort of!

OH GOOD FUCK, WHAT FRAT HOUSE WAS THIS BIRTHED FROM?!

#anime review #magical girl site #mahou shoujo site #aya asagiri #tsuyuno yatsumura #kaname asagiri #sarina shizukume

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what-is-your-plan-today · 5 years

Text

Stark Spangled Banner Ch 14: Nothing Personal

Summary: Steve confronts Fury about The Lemurian Star and discovers another secret that the Director has been concealing from him, one he struggles to reconcile morally. Little does he realise, however, that learning said secret is the catalyst to a devastating chain of events, which put him and Katie directly in the firing line of a deadly assassin...

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: None for this chapter bar them saying some bad language words and someone getting shot and a bit of fighting and shizzle.

This one is a bit long- it got away from me a little but there was soooo much to get in!

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist

Steve’s good mood lasted all of 5 minutes into debrief. Natasha wasn’t even there, which wasn’t surprising, but pissed him off. Instead of letting it sour the meeting he added it to the long list of stuff he was going to confront Fury over. He praised the STRIKE team, thanked Rumlow for his leadership, Evans for his impeccable sniper skills, as usual, and Rollins for his coordination from the jet. He dismissed his team and then headed up to see Fury.

“You just can't stop yourself from lying, can you?” Steve said as he crossed the floor of Fury’s office.

Nick didn’t even need to ask him what he was talking about. Without turning round the Director spoke calmly. “I didn't lie. Agent Romanoff had a different mission than yours.”

“Which you didn't feel obliged to share” Steve pressed, raising an eyebrow as the Director spun in his chair to face him.

“I'm not obliged to do anything” Fury said simply, looking at him.

“Those hostages could've died, Nick.” Steve pressed, holding the man’s gaze.

“I sent the greatest soldier in history to make sure that didn't happen.” Fury said simply, and Steve could feel his temper rising even more. He hated the blasé attitude the Director was discussing the issue with, like it was simply something he wasn’t all that bothered about.

“Soldiers trust each other, that's what makes it an army.” He said after a short pause. “Not a bunch of guys running around and shooting guns.”

He wasn’t expecting the response he got. Fury leaned forward, frowning as he levelled Steve with a look.

“The last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.” he said. Steve cocked his head to one side, crossing his arms but maintaining his silence “Look, I didn't want you doing anything you weren't comfortable with. Agent Romanoff is comfortable with everything.”

“I can't lead a mission when the people I'm leading have missions of their own” Steve said, pointing down at Fury’s desk.

“It's called compartmentalization” Fury eyed him. “Nobody spills the secrets because nobody knows them all.” Steve snorted silently “Except you.” Fury took a deep breath and levelled Steve with a look. “ You're wrong about me. I do share. I'm nice like that.” Steve frowned as Fury stood up and motioned for him to follow.

“Where are we going?” Steve said, frustration evident on his tone.

“You’ll see.” Fury said, stepping inside the elevator. Steve followed. “Insight bay.” he instructed.

“Director override, Fury, Nicholas J.” Fury spoke, without missing a beat.

“Confirmed.”

“You know, they used to play music.” he said, his tone softer as he broke the silence, making a joke at his own expense.

“Yeah. My grandfather operated one of these things for forty years.” Fury said, somewhat nostalgic. “My granddad worked in a nice building, he got good tips. He'd walk home every night, roll of ones stuffed in his lunch bag. He'd say "hi", people would say hi back. Time went on, neighbourhood got rougher. He'd say "Hi", they'd say, "Keep on steppin'." Granddad got to grippin' that lunch bag a little tighter.”

The flash into Fury’s personal life surprised Steve somewhat. He cocked his head to one side and looked at the man. “Did he ever get mugged?”

“Every week some punk would say, "What's in the bag?"

“What did he do?”

“He'd show 'em. Bunch of crumpled ones and loaded .22 Magnum.” Fury smirked “Granddad loved people. But he didn't trust them very much.”

Steve had to smirk slightly, thinking that Fury sounded a hell of a lot like his grandpa. He looked down for a second, and when he looked up he was aware that they had now travelled down the side of the Triskellion and were descending further, underground even. As Steve looked around he realised he was in some sort of hangar, and he looked out of the glass, spotting 3 giant Helicarriers. His mouth fell open in surprise, his brow furrowing.

“Yeah, I know. They're a little bit bigger than a .22.” Fury remarked.

“This is Project Insight.” Fury said as he led Steve across the floor of the hangar. “Three next generation Helicarriers synced to a network of targeting satellites.”

And then Steve understood. “Launched from the Lemurian Star.” he said, a statement not a question.

“Once we get them in the air they never need to come down. Continuous suborbital flight courtesy of our new repulsor engines.” Fury stopped underneath one.

“Stark?” Steve asked, frowning.

“Well, he had a few suggestions once he got an up close look at our old turbines.” Fury said, as they continued. “But don’t worry, that’s not something Nova is keeping from you.”

“I wasn’t” Steve said honestly, as he looked up and around the hangar “I trust my girl.” he said with a shrug.

Fury looked at him before he turned his attention back to the matter in hand and pointed up again “These new long range precision guns can eliminate a thousand hostiles a minute. The satellites can read a terrorist's DNA before he steps outside his spider hole. We gonna neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen.”

Steve crossed his arms. “ I thought the punishment usually came after the crime.”

“We can't afford to wait that long.”

Steve could feel the nerve twitching in his jaw. “Who's "we"?”

“After New York, I convinced the World Security Council we needed a quantum surge in threat analysis. For once we're way ahead of the curve”

“By holding a gun at everyone on Earth and calling it protection?” Steve looked at the director, frowning. He didn’t like this. It smacked of something Hydra or the Nazis would do.

Fury picked up on his tone and he looked at Steve, arching an eyebrow. “You know, I read those SSR files. Greatest generation? You guys did some nasty stuff.”

Don’t’ I know it? Steve thought to himself as he took a deep breath. “Yeah, we compromised. Sometimes in ways that made us not sleep so well. But we did it so the people could be free.” he turned and pointed at the helicarriers before looking at Fury “This isn't freedom, this is fear.”

“SHIELD takes the world as it is, not as we'd like it to be.” Fury said simply. “It's getting damn near past time for you to get with that program, Cap”

Steve shook his head. “Don't hold your breath” and with that he left.

He changed quickly, eager to put as much distance between him and SHIELD as possible for the rest of the day. After a short conversation with Rumlow about a mission report he was on his bike and heading for Katie’s apartment, his mind whirling. What was Fury playing at? This wasn’t what he signed up for, at all. It felt so far removed from what he had joined the army to do, to keep people safe, free… had he really changed that much? He felt a sudden pang for his Howling Commandoes, for Bucky, for Peggy, for Colonel Philips, for all those damned missions which had been simple- destroy Hydra.

Despite the fact he had woken up that morning and felt so happy with his girl being there, he couldn’t help but wish life was as simple as it had been back then.

*****

Katie’s morning had been far more productive. She had looked at a couple of transcript extracts her editor had selected. She had to admit, the guy had a good eye for a future blockbuster, and this one she particularly liked. After discussions, they settled on an initial run of 200 hard copy of the books to be sold online, along with a downloadable kindle version, and if they went they would review how many more we needed.

“Hey…” she asked, “How did it go?"

He sighed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in for a hug, simply wanting to feel her close.

“That good huh?” she said, squeezing him gently before she pulled back and headed towards the kitchen, him following behind her.

“Debrief was fine…Fury, however, went on about compartmentalisation, the usual crap.” Steve sighed, running his hand over his face, smiling softly to himself when he saw she was gathering stuff out of the fridge to make him a sandwich “And then shared something I really wish he hadn’t.”

“Like what?” she asked, throwing some turkey and mayo onto a sub. “Ever heard of Operation Insight?” Steve asked, even though he knew the answer. There’s no way she would have and not told him.

“No?” she said, handing him a plate.

“Well apparently your brother has…” he shrugged, taking the plate from her and taking a bite as he sat at the breakfast bar. He swallowed and then continued “3 huge hellicarriers that are basically designed to go up in the air and never come down. Programmed to monitor potential threats and wipe them out before they get chance to do anything…” She frowned, settling on the stool next to him. “And Fury has sanctioned this?”

Steve nodded, taking another bite of his food. “I don’t like it. Like I said to him, punishment normally comes after the crime…”

Katie could see he was really struggling with this and that his faith in SHIELD was running very, very thin. A lot of what the Agency did was political, not just about keeping people safe. She’d tried to explain that the lines were a lot more blurred than back in the 40s, but still had to admit she was kind of with him. As she pondered for a moment, Steve could see the cogs whirring in her brain, the slight “v” shape crease that always formed in the middle of her eyes when she was thinking had formed. Steve didn’t blame her, it had thrown him too and he’d had the full explanation. The hangar had been huge, and there were enough people in there to make him realise that a LOT of people knew about it. What he didn’t know was who on his immediate team knew about it.

“I just wanna know who I can trust” he sighed, looking at Katie as she reached out gently, touching his cheek.

“I know sweetheart” she said, sighing “Ok. No more talk about SHIELD or hellicarriers, or whatever…” she said, moving her hand back to the counter, picking up her soda. “What do you want to for the rest of the afternoon?”

He wanted to go to the Smithsonian. He’d been thinking about it since they had emailed him to invite him to open the exhibit on him, which he had politely declined. But he was curious to see what it was like, curious and also eager, after today, to be reminded of a time when he worked with people he knew inside out, people that he would trust with his life. And he was keen to share that with his girl, the woman who had months ago before they even started dating, been the one to help him pick what the museum would display.

“You know, we’ve still not been to the Smithsonian since they opened the exhibit.” he said, shrugging, hoping his tone was casual enough to make it sound like he hadn’t been thinking about it enough. He failed though, smiling as Katie looked at him, arching an eyebrow.

Busted.

“Call it curiosity.” He shrugged.

“You know what curiosity did don’t you?” Katie quipped back, her eyes flashing playfully.

“What?”

She grinned as she delivered the punchline “Killed the Cap.”

*****

“A symbol to the nation. A hero to the world. The story of Captain America is one of honour, bravery and sacrifice,” the narrator at the Smithsonian museum said as we entered the exhibit.

"Denied enlistment due to poor health, Steven Rogers was chosen for a program unique in the annals of American warfare. One that would transform him into the world's first super soldier," the Narrator continued. Steve paused to look at the display to his right when Katie gently nudged him.

“Think you’ve been rumbled.”

"In this rare footage, everyone's favourite war hero, Captain America…"

"Battle tested, Captain America and his Howling Commandos quickly earned their stripes. Their mission, taking down HYDRA, the Nazi rogue science division,"

Katie looked at the uniforms, a smile on her face. She had only seen photos of the suit, not seen it in person and it intrigued her. More so because this was something that her dad had made, something physical he had touched. She felt a tug on her hand again, and she looked up to see that she was being led to a section dedicated to Bucky. The familiar (albeit again, only from photos), handsome face of his best friend looked back at them as they wandered over to read what it said in more detail.

"Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country…”

“Rogers was different” Howard spoke, smiling, the caption on the screen telling him the footage had been filmed in 1953. “He was constantly striving to do the right thing, with no fear or care for how it would affect him. He, err, when we dropped him behind enemy lines we had no idea if we would see him again. I narrowly escaped myself, the machine guns nearly took our aircraft down but without thought to how he would get back, he told us to leave him behind. When they declared him missing in action the entire company was devastated but, lo and behold… well they can’t keep a good man down. “ Howard paused and then looked down and back up at the camera “I can only hope that if I’m graced with Children, they grow up to be half as driven as he was to do the right thing…”

As Katie looked down at her feet, a stray tear fell down her cheek. Seeing her dad there like that was raw. She knew that Tony felt the loss of their parents far more than she did, she had only been 7 after all when they had died and Tony had been her father, if you will, for far longer than her actual dad had, but still, seeing him in front of her so candidly, talking about his hopes for his future children made something in her chest tighten and she couldn’t help but feel sadness at the fact she never got the chance to really know him. Steve gently squeezed her knee, but then as he looked back up at the screen it was his turn to still as someone he recognised extremely well, her face painted into his memory for life, entered the screen and began speaking, also in 1953.

"That was a difficult winter. A blizzard had trapped half our battalion behind the German line. Steve, Captain Rogers, he fought his way through a HYDRA blockade that had pinned our allies down for months.” Peggy Carter stumbled slightly through the interview. “He saved over a thousand men, including the man who would become my husband as it turned out. Even after he died, Steve was still changing my life," And despite the fact that she smiles slightly at the end of this line, it’s clear to see that talking about Steve affected her a lot.

“You read my mind.”

*******

Peggy was pleased to see them. They both greeted her and after a few pleasantries they told her about their trip to the Smithsonian. Peggy smiled, informing them that she remembered the interview, like it was yesterday, apparently the man interviewing her had been an “utter rogue”, but she didn’t elaborate on what that meant. They chatted a little about her time as Director at SHIELD before she trailed off with a sigh as she noticed that Steve was uncharacteristically quiet. After a little gentle coaxing from her and Katie he told her what was on his mind.

"My whole life I've just wanted to do what was right, I guess I'm not sure what that is anymore.” he paused for a moment, thinking of how to voice his worries about SHIELD “And I thought I could just throw myself back in and follow orders, it's just not the same."

Peggy chuckled as she rolled her eyes and looked at Katie "He’s always so dramatic.”

Katie let out a small laugh, nodding her agreement. “Tell me about it!”

Steve shook his head, a smile on his face as he raised his eyebrows slightly and looked away as Peggy continued to speak.

“Look you saved the world, we rather mucked it up."

"No you didn't. You know, knowing that you helped found SHIELD is half the reason I stay."

“And the other half being…” her eyes strayed to Katie who smiled, looking down and then up at Steve as he caught her eye, his hand resting on her knee.

“I quit remember?” She said.

Peggy smiled “Indeed, a woman with principles. That I can get on board with.”

Katie gave a little smile and turned to the old lady in the bed.

“Look, the world has changed and none of us can go back.” Peggy spoke softly “All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over."

She started to cough. Steve quickly picked up a glass of water from the table and rounded the back of the chair Katie was sitting in to try and hand her the glass.

"Peggy," he mumbled. Her coughing subsided as she sipped her drink. She looked up and stared at Steve as if she was seeing a ghost

"Steve?" Peggy breathed out in an amazed yet broken voice.

"Yeah," Steve whispered, his heart sinking as he recognised the look in her face. Her memory had gone, again.

"You're alive! You, you came, you came back," Peggy whimpered. Tears were gathering in her eyes at this point as she tried to hold them back and Steve was struggling to do the same with his own. One of the smartest, nicest, bravest women he had ever met was being betrayed by an illness that was literally rotting her brain. It was cruel, and every time she did this, they went through the same routine.

Katie squeezed his hand gently as she stood up so he could take the chair next to Peggy.

"Yeah, Peggy," Steve responded forcing a smile onto his face.

"It's been so long. So long," Peggy started to cry, giving up on holding back her tears.

“I’ll leave you with her…” Katie said gently as she gently touched his shoulder. His hand briefly reached up to lay over hers before he leaned over to take Peggy’s.

"Well, I couldn't leave you.” He said gently, “Not when you still owe me a dance."

Normally that calmed the old lady down, but not today. She was becoming more and more confused and in the end he had to press the call button for a nurse.

“Again?” The nurse said softly, and Steve simply nodded.

“I’ll fetch the doctor.”

Outside Katie took a deep breath and headed towards her car. Ex partners could always be an issue in relationships but this was something else, something completely different. She opened the passenger side to the car and sat side on in the seat, door open, legs dangling out. She felt sorry for Peggy, she really did, and her heart ached for Steve. It can’t be easy seeing the woman he once loved, and probably still did in some way, fading like that in front of your eyes. She ran her hand over her face, rubbing at her eyes slightly and waited as she watched various people coming and going out of the main doors of the hospital. It wasn’t that long before a familiar figure appeared, a flash of white T-shirt standing out against his dark navy jacket and equally dark jeans as he walked towards her, hands in his pockets. She stood up, not saying a word as she wrapped her arms around him and he buried his face into the nook of her shoulder and neck, his safe place, his hands gently resting on her hips as he breathed out a sigh.

“She ok?” she asked gently. “Yeah they sedated her.” He said as he pulled away.

“I’m so sorry Steve.” she said gently

“What for?” he frowned. “Peggy…it’s so unfair.” “Yeah…” he said. And it was. He wished things could be different, that Peggy wasn’t ill. That she could be home, with her family, living out the last years of her life with the dignity she had lived the rest of it. She deserved more. He looked over the car roof across the street and watched for a second, everyone milling about their business, getting on with their lives. Like he was, and whilst he wished things had been different for Peggy he found himself thinking and wondering if he would change anything if he could.

He felt Katie still in front of him, reacting to the fact he himself had changed posture, and as he looked down at her he was suddenly struck with the answer to his question. Right now, despite everything, despite his sudden feelings of nostalgia sparked by the events of the last 24 hours or so, no he wouldn’t. Because whatever had happened, every action, every decision, it had led him to her, and he loved her so fucking much it hurt. Yeah he had loved Peggy, he still did in some ways, but it was nothing compared to this. Nothing. He reached out and took Katie’s hands, pulling up her arms so they were round his neck, pulling her closer to him as his own hands joined at the bottom of her back

“I love you.” He said gently, needing her to understand, to believe him.

“I know…” she said back, and he smiled softly, satisfied she did.

“How about we head back to mine and not leave the flat for the entire day tomorrow?” he said, the idea suddenly coming to him and he face lit up. Katie loved lazy days. It was rare Steve was in the mood for them, his incessant energy normally meant he had to be doing something. But on the odd time he agreed it usually involved them staying in bed till about midday, then watching old movies on the TV under a blanket on the couch, maybe a bit of fooling around and then calling a take out before retreating back to bed. Right now that sounded like a damned fine idea. “Can you clear your diary?”

“Consider it cleared.” she smiled.

“I just wanna make one quick stop on the way.” he suggested, his journey of contemplation was leading him to one more place. He glanced at his watch before planting a kiss on her lips “Thought we could pay our jogging friend a visit.”

********

"Look who it is. The running man and his pretty girl." Sam joked slightly as he came over to the doorway where Katie and Steve were stood.

"Hey." Katie smiled as he dropped a kiss onto her cheek.

"Caught the last few minutes. It's pretty intense," Steve commented as Sam shook his hand.

"Yeah, brother, we all got the same problems. Guilt, regret," Sam shrugged. As his sentence went on his voice got more serious and softer.

"Have you lost someone?" Steve asked, perceptive as ever. Katie mentally cursed herself for not filling him in fully, but Sam didn’t seem too bothered to talk about it. He nodded gently.

"My wingman, Riley. Fly in the night mission. A standard PJ rescue op, nothing we hadn't done a thousand times before, till an RPG knock Riley's dumb ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do. It's like I was up there just to watch," Sam paused to cross his arms over his chest, his posture slightly tense. "After that, I had really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?"

"But you're happy now, back in the world?" Steve asked

"Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell, yeah," Sam joked, loosening up slightly, before getting a bit serious, "You thinking about getting out?"

"No. I don't know. To be honest, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did," Steve shook his head a bit.

"Ultimate fighting?" Sam shrugged and Steve laughed as Katie snorted. "It's just a great idea off the top of my head. But seriously, you could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?"

Steve turned his head to look at Katie, an unconscious movement, smiling gently as he shrugged. “I dunno...”

"Oh I think you do." Sam said, smirking slightly as Steve placed his hand on the small of his girl’s back.

"Oh, stop by the front desk on your way out," Katie turned to Sam, smirking, and he raised an eyebrow in question,

"We asked for you by name." Steve clarified.

"She seemed thoroughly impressed." Katie finished. Both of Sam's eyebrows rose at that and he looked down the hallway towards where the front desk was.

"You two are the best." He said a smile stretching across his face as he began to turn to head down the hall. "Stop by anytime."

"No problem." Steve said in amusement as Sam jogged his way down the hall.

It was 8pm by the time they got home, having made a pit stop for a beer on the way. Steve held the door open for Katie, and she stepped into the apartment building and started to climb the stairs in front of him, giving him a quite pleasing view of her ass as her hips swayed side to side in front of him.

“Sam’s right you know.” she said, continuing their discussion from the bar. “And so is Peggy.”

“What about?” he asked.

“If you wanted to get out you could do, start over…”

He took a deep breath “I don’t know what I want, but spending the rest of my life playing janitor for Fury is not it.”

“I can write you a resignation note….” she grinned

“What, I quit, fuck you?” he snorted.

“I didn’t actually write that.” she laughed “Actually, I didn’t write anything...”

He chuckled slightly and then took a deep breath. “You know, it’s funny when I think about it. Us, stuff, what we’ve done and how far we’ve come in a year.”

“You’re saying it like it’s a bad thing” she teased as she stepped onto his landing.

“No, that’s not what I mean at all…” he said as he took a deep breath as she headed towards his door and turned to face him “You know, I’ve never really talked to anyone or shown them about my past in detail or introduced anyone to Peggy bar you.”

“Well I am your girlfriend.” she shrugged, holding onto the hand that wasn’t digging into his jeans pocket to fish out his keys. “You should be able to talk to me about anything.”

“I know, I’m not explaining myself very well.” He said, sighing, finally succeeding in obtaining his keys. And he wasn’t. He was trying to tell her that he couldn’t imagine his life without her, that he wanted her to share his everything, including his home…

“Spit it out Rogers…” she said, as he slid the key into the lock.

He took a deep breath. “Coming home last night and you being there…and then this morning…it was perfect doll and I want that all the time.” He said, turning to face her leaving his key hanging from the door. “How would you feel about us maybe moving in together?”

She paused for a moment, looking at him, realising he was deadly serious. She raised her eyebrow.

“I thought you came from a time where man and woman didn’t live together until they were married?” she teased.

“Well we could get married if you want…” he found himself blurting out. That made Katie raise both eyebrows as she studied him again, her mouth dropping into a small ‘o’. Steve looked back at her, trying to keep his face passive, as if it had been a joke, he knew it wasn’t. He’d known for months she was the one. But to blurt it out like that? And just over a year since they’d started dating.

Way to go, Rogers.

“You know, that’s not much of a proposal…” she said, sliding her arms up around his neck “But it’s one step up from you’d make a great housewife…”

“Should I try again?” he quipped, a cheeky grin spreading across his face, glad the tone was playful, his arms circling her waist “Yeah, with a big, fuck off Tiffany diamond…”

“I didn’t think you were so materialistic?” he laughed as he committed that to memory.

“Well, you know what they say? Diamonds are a girls’ best friend.”

“And there I was, thinking it was me…” he said, his lips pressing onto hers

“That’s so sweet…” a voice interrupted and they both turned to look at Kate, his neighbour from over the hall. For a split second Steve thought she was talking to them but it soon became apparent she was on the phone. “That’s so nice…but hey, I gotta go…okay bye…”

She dropped the phone into the basket of laundry she was carrying before grinning at us both “My aunt, she’s kind of an insomniac”

Steve smile before looking at the basket of washing in her arms as he dropped his arm round Katie’s shoulder “you know if you want…if you want, you can use my machine. Might be easier and cheaper than the one in the basement.” "Thank you, but I already have a load in downstairs actually, and you really don't want my scrubs in your machine.” She grinned “I just finished orientation in the infectious diseases ward, so,"

"Ah, well, we’ll keep our distance," he grinned, holding his hands up, palms out.

"Hopefully not too far…" she chuckled. “Don’t want to lose my best neighbour…well I better be off.” She turned to go before she stopped and spun back round to look at Steve. “Oh, I think you left your stereo on,"

“Right, thank you…” Steve watched her go, frowning. He looked at Katie as they both pressed their ears to the door. The record player was certainly on but…

“We definitely didn’t leave that on before.” Katie looked at him, as the gentle tones of Kitty Kallen Long Long Time hit their ears.

Steve held his finger up to his lips and gestured to the window, before leaving Katie where he was. He ran off, down the stairs as fast as he could and then he scaled the gate on the fire escape easily. Once he reached the steps which were parallel to his window he took a running jump, easily pulling himself up over the sill and into the kitchen area. Quickly and quietly he moved along the wall, picking up his shield which was leaning against the shelving unit. Holding it up he cautiously peered round the corner of the room into the living area and instantly relaxed when he saw Fury lounging in a chair.

“I don’t remember giving you a key.” he said, somewhat sardonically.

“What, you really think I’d need one?” Nick replied. Steve shook his head and headed to the front door of the flat, pulling it open.

“Fury…”he said with a roll of his eyes, turning and walking back into the apartment.

“Huh?” Katie asked a she followed him into the living room, where the music was coming from, to see Fury sitting on the couch in the dark.

“What are you doing here?” she asked

"Nice to see you too, Nova. And in answer to your question my wife kicked me out."

"I didn't know you were married," she continued, frowning. And she didn’t. And she wasn’t sure that he was.

"There are a lot of things you don't about me," Fury said casually.

"I know, Nick. That's the problem," Steve grumbled walking forward as Katie remained where she was, eyes narrowed at her old boss. Steve flipped on the light switch, instantly recoiling in surprise when he noticed Fury’s injuries. Besides him Katie gasped slightly and moved to get closer to help but Fury indicated for her to stop and the both of them to stay quiet. He turned off the light again and typed something on his phone.

'EARS EVERYWHERE'.

Bugs? His apartment was bugged? By who? They both exchanged a glance and instantly Katie looked up and around the room, as if she expected to see a microphone glaring at them...

"I'm sorry to have to do this but I had nowhere else to crash," Fury said looking around a bit. He typed something else up on his phone:

'SHIELD COMPROMISED'.

Steve and Katie shared another glance, the pair of them wide eyed. This was bad.

"Who else knows about your wife?" Steve asked, keeping his voice even.

Fury showed them another text;

'YOU TWO AND ME'.

"Just, my friends," Fury grunted in pain while getting up and walking closer to them.

"Is that what we are?" Katie narrowed her eyes at him. She still hadn’t completely forgiven the man for lying to them all about Coulson.

"That's up to you." Fury replied, his eyes darting from Katie to Steve.

"Don't, trust anyone," he coughed before passing out. Katie and Steve both looked at what he had been handed and saw that it was a flash drive. Steve curled his hand around it and looked at Katie, but before either of them could say anything else there was the sound of someone breaking into the apartment. Steve quickly moved into a defensive position, in front of Katie and Fury, raising his shield.

"Captain Rogers?" a familiar voice suddenly called out and they watched as Kate, his neighbour, cautiously walked in with a gun pointed. "I'm Agent 13 of SHIELD's Special Service," she informs.

"Kate?" Steve frowned, shaking his head. He’d just about had his fill of surprises.

"I'm assigned to protect you," she continued

"On whose orders?" Katie snapped.

Kate stopped as she spotted Fury lying on the floor. "His," she dropped besides Katie, checking Fury for a pulse and then spoke into her radio

"Foxtrot is down, he's unresponsive. I need EMTs."

"Do you have a twenty on the shooter?" A SHIELD agent questioned through the radio.

"Tell them I'm in pursuit." he said and with that he took a running jump and smashed straight through his window, and through into the office building opposite. Steve ran, keeping his eye on the man, smashing through walls, windows, anything in his way. Eventually he caught up with him on the roof and flung his shield at the assassin who, to Steve’s shock caught it with one swift move in the hand of his metal arm. There was a pause as Steve could do nothing but eye the man with surprise before the shield came flying back. Steve caught it, with both hands on its rim but the force pushed him back a few yards along the gravel surface of the roof. By the time he had stopped the momentum moving him, the assassin had jumped. Steve ran to the edge of the building and looked down.

He was gone.

*****

“What happened?" Hill asked as they all looked through the glass window at the hustle and bustle of the operating room. Steve moved his arm from around Katie and took her hand in his, squeezing her fingers gently.

"He was at my apartment when we got home," Steve started. "I hadn’t even had chance to ask why when there were two blasts, then another. Someone shot him through the window of the apartment - three times. I tried to go after the shooter, but I lost him on the roof of the building across the street."

"What aren't you telling me?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing." Katie answered for them.

Before Hill could drill either of them anymore the door to the observation room flung open and heavy footsteps crossed the room, stopping at the other side of Katie.

"Is he gonna make it?" Natasha asked, almost inaudibly, staring through the window.

"We don't know," Hill mumbled.

"Tell me about the shooter," Natasha whispered

"He's fast and strong. He had a metal arm," Steve said, letting go of Katie’s hand to fold his arms across his chest and as he did, they both caught the look of recognition and slight fear on Natasha's face reflected in the window.

"Ballistics?" Natasha asked swallowing heavily.

"Three slugs. No rifling and completely untraceable," Maria answers softly.

"Soviet made?"

"Yeah," Maria answered looking at Natasha in shock. Steve turned to face her, as did Katie, but she didn’t look back. She stared straight through to the operating theatre but before Katie could ask what it was that she wasn’t saying, the operation room went into overdrive. Machines started beeping erratically, the doctors and nurses were rushing around the room and the panic was palpable even behind the glass. But they couldn't save him.

"Time of death, 1:03 A.M."

Natasha pushed past Katie and almost sprinted out of the room. Steve pulled his hand out of his pocket, turning the flash drive that Nick had given him over in his hand. Nick had been killed because he knew whatever it was that was on that drive. What could possibly be so bad, so secret, so dangerous that the Director of SHIELD was deemed a threat for knowing? He glanced up at Katie who was watching him, tears in her eyes. She might have had her issues with Fury, but he was a good man and would never have wished him dead. With a sigh Steve placed the item back into his pocket and pulled her in for a hug.

******

A little later, the 4 of them stood the the same room as Nick’s body. Natasha was by him, hardly having moved a muscle, almost like she was in shock. And it unnerved Katie. Nat wasn’t one to really show emotion but then again, Fury had meant a lot to her. The door opened and a doctor entered, speaking to Hill. She nodded and then walked over to Katie and Steve, coughing to clear her throat.

“They need to take him.” she said, her voice cracking slightly. Steve nodded and stepped towards Nat.

“Nat...” he said gently, “Natasha...” But at that she turned away from them all and made her way quickly into the corridor of the Hospital. Katie and Steve looked at one another, before they hastily followed her.

"Why was Fury in your apartment?" Natasha span around to ask Steve. Her eyes were filled with sadness, but Katie could also see suspicion etched on her pretty features.

"I don't know," Steve sighed shrugging his shoulders, and before the conversation could go on further they were interrupted by Rumlow.

"Cap, they want you back at Shield," He informed them, gently touching Katie’s shoulder. "You too Nova."

"Alright, give us a second," Steve said dismissing Rumlow, perhaps a little more harshly than he intended, as he turned back to Natasha but Rumlow was insistent

"They want you now,"

"Alright" Katie said, firmly but calmly. Rumlow nodded and then moved back down the hallway.

"You're a terrible liar." Natasha said to Steve with her trademark smirk that didn't reach her eyes before she turned and left.

"What the hell is on that drive?" Katie said to Steve after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know, but it’s what Natasha was saving data to on our mission the other day.” he said before he looked up staring very focused into a vending machine to his right, which was open as a janitor filled it up. He didn’t want to take the drive back to the Triskellion, just in case. He knew that something wasn’t quite right.

Katie caught his eye before glancing around the hallway that was mostly full of SHIELD agents, luckily they were all congregated on the other end.

“Do it.” she said, figuring out his intention to hide the item “I’ll distract them.”

Without another look back at him, she began to stride forwards towards Rumlow.

“Its almost 4 am.” she glanced at her watch. “What do they want us for Brock? We already told Sitwell what we know and I don’t work for SHIELD anymore, remember?”

Rumlow shrugged “Honestly, I don’t know Nova. I’m just under instructions to get you both back to base.”

At that point Steve reached them, but he wasn’t stopping. Taking Katie’s hand he nodded to the STRIKE leader

"Let's go."

"Yeah," Rumlow said falling in step with them, fixing his earpiece. "Strike! Move it out."

Steve drove to the Triskellion, Katie’s car flanked by the Armoured SUVs as they sped through the streets of DC. Katie dozed off for 10 minutes and Steve let her sleep, lost in his own thoughts. He had expected her to be called in alongside him, especially after she had been, along with him, the last people Fury had spoken to him before he died. But he wasn’t happy about it, he wanted her as far away from whatever the hell was going on as possible. Once they arrived he gently shook her awake and the two of them were given an hour or so to grab something to eat. Neither were hungry, but they forced down their sandwiches, Katie’s brain working in overdrive as she did so. Something was nagging at her, and she was trying to make the connections, figure it out, but her head simply kept replaying Fury getting shot over and over.

"Foxtrot is down, he's unresponsive. I need EMTs."

"Do you have a twenty on the shooter?"

She frowned. That was odd.

“What is?” Steve asked, coffee in his hand as he sat back on one of the large chairs in one of the common rooms by the kitchen area.

“Before…when Kate…Agent 13, whatever the hell her name is called back to base…she said Fury was down and needed EMTs…”

“Sitwell…” she said gently, looking at him.

Steve frowned, not quite sure where this was going. “Ok…” “Well, how did he know Fury had been shot? How could anyone know he had been shot?”

Oh, now he understood. He understood completely. Damned it she was clever. “They couldn’t…” he said, sitting up “Not unless they were there or Kate…whoever, told them.”

“And she didn’t. She just said he was down and unresponsive.” Katie said. “Which means…” Steve began, but Katie finished for him. “Sitwell knew about the hit. Because he was in on it. Along with fuck knows who else...”

Fury was right, SHIELD was compromised. But how far, they had no idea. Before he had chance to reply the door opened and Rumlow stepped in

“Secretary Pierce is ready now guys.” “Thanks…” Katie said, shooting Steve another glance as they both stood up.

“Not a word.” he mumbled as they got into the elevator “We say nothing, not until we figure out who we can trust.”

“If anyone.” she mumbled back.

*****

"Captain, why was Nick in your apartment last night?" Secretary Pierce looked at Steve as he sat on the couch in the large office.

"I don't know." He answered in a soft voice.

"Did you know it was bugged?" Pierce pressed on.

"We did." Katie said meeting the secretary's eye. "Because Nick told us."

"Did he tell you he was the one who bugged it?"

Steve took a breath and glanced at Katie, his expression stony but the two of them shared the understanding.

No, no he had not.

"I want you to see something." Pierce continued, and gestured to a monitor just behind the couches we were sitting on. On the screen was a man tied down to a chair, he looked to be currently being interrogated. Katie didn’t recognise the man, but Steve did. It was Batroc, the lead merc from the hijacking of the Lemurian Star.

"Is that live?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, they picked him up last night in a not so safe house in Algiers."

"Are you saying he's a suspect?" Steve said not taking his eyes off the screen "Assassination isn't Batroc's line."

"It's more complicated than that. Batroc was hired anonymously to hijack the Lemurian Star. He was contacted by email and paid by wire transfer, and then the money was run through 17 fictitious accounts. The last going to a holding company that was registered to a Jacob Veech." Pierce said handing Steve a folder.

"Am I supposed to know who that is?" Steve asked, skimming through the file offered to him in curiosity and confusion.

"Not likely. Veech died six years ago. His last address was 1435 Elmhurst Drive. When I first met Nick, his mother lived at 1437."

"Wait," Katie said, gathering what the secretary was suggesting. "Are you saying Fury hired the pirates? Why?"

"The prevailing theory?" Pierce shrugged. "The hijacking was a cover for the acquisition and sale of classified intelligence. The sale went sour and that led to Nick's death."

"If you really knew Nick Fury you'd know that's not true." Steve said strongly, and he believed it. Fury was a lot of things, but a traitor he was not.

Pierce nodded in agreement. "Why do you think we're here talking?" He then got to his feet and began to walk towards the window. "See, I took a seat on the council not because I wanted to, but because Nick asked me to because we were both realists. We knew that despite all the diplomacy, and the hand shaking and the rhetoric, to build a really better world sometimes means having to tear the old one down. And that makes enemies."

Steve didn’t like the way this was going. He looked at Katie and gestured for her to stand as he did. Pierce turned back around and looked at them both.

"Those people that call you dirty because you've got the guts to stick your hands in the mud and try to build something better. And the idea that those people could be happy today," Pierce shoved his hands in his pockets. "Makes me really, really angry. Captain, you and Miss Stark were the last ones to see Nick Fury alive. I don't think that's an accident." Pierce said matter-of-factly. "And I don't think you do, either. So, I'm going to ask again was he there?"

"He told us not to trust anyone." Steve said honestly.

Pierce made a humming sound. "I wonder, if that included him."

There was a tense moment of silence before Steve spoke again. "I'm sorry. Those were his last words. Excuse us," He turned to leave, picking up his shield that he sent down upon our arrival and attaching it to the harness on his back, before ushering Katie out of the room slightly ahead of him.

"Captain," Pierce's voice halted him mid step and he turned to look at him. "Someone murdered my friend. I'm going to find out why. Anyone who gets in my way is going to regret it." Pierce's voice rang out again, a pointed look in their direction.

Steve wasn’t a stupid man, and he knew that was a veiled threat. He took a deep breath, considering his response, before he decided appearing un-rattled was the best option.

“Understood.” he nodded, holding the door open for Katie to step through keeping himself between her and Pierce as he followed, anchoring his hand on her back to keep her moving.

“You should have lied.” she whispered.

“Huh?” “Back then, said we didn’t know why Fury was there. By telling him that he told us not to trust anyone he knows we know and that we’re hiding something…”

“We need to get to the hospital and get that stick." Steve said, adamant that whatever it was that was on there would hold the answers. He looked up and down the corridor before they stepped into the elevator.

“Operations Control” Steve spoke as the elevator scanned his face and Katie’s Guest ID.

“Confirmed”

Just as the doors were about to close, Rumlow stepped in with two other STRIKE agents.

“Keep all STRIKE personnel on site” he was saying. Both the agents nodded and voiced their acknowledgement of his order.

“Forensics.” Rumlow said.

“Confirmed.”

“Cap, Nova…” Rumlow said, nodding to them both.

“Rumlow.” Steve acknowledged him as the doors closed and they started to descend.

“Evidence Response found some fibres on the roof they want us to see.” Rumlow turned his head to look at us “You want me to get the tac-team ready?”

“No, let’s wait and see what it is first.” Steve said.

“What's the status so far?” Rollins was saying.

“Administrations level” another one asked, before they continued whatever it was they were talking about, moving round to find a space behind Steve and Katie.

He noticed Katie look round, a frown on her face, but before he could say anything Rumlow spoke, looking over his shoulder at Steve.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Fury. Messed up, what happened to him”

“Thank you.” Steve said.

The elevator stopped and another agent entered.

“Records”

“Before we get started…” Steve sighed, looking down before he stared straight ahead “Does anyone want to get out?”

His eyes flicked to the back of Rumlow’s head. There was a moment’s pause before all hell broke loose. Steve was fighting with 4 of them at once, as 2 of them launched at Katie. They put up a good fight, ducking, diving, punching. Steve was shocked with a baton, but he simply grit his teeth, absorbing the electricity into his body. It hurt, but it wasn’t unbearable. And then they managed to snap one of his arms to the wall of the elevator using some kind of metallic clamp and then he had 5 of them on him at once, attempting to pin his other arm in too. He kicked out, taking down as many as he could.

Just as she had floored the second of the agents who had launched at her, Katie was grabbed from behind by her hair and hauled to the edge of the elevator, being wrestled roughly to the floor by Rumlow who was instantly on top of her, trying to get her wrists from where she had positioned them underneath her body in an attempt to stop them restraining her.

"Brock…” she said gently, looking at him as she swallowed. “What’s going on?” “I’m sorry Stark…” he said, “Just following orders…”

“Yeah well follow this…” she said, the anger brewing in her as she jerked her head forwards as hard as she could, feeling it connect with his nose. He yelled, and then her head snapped painfully to the right as he back handed her straight across the face. She felt her lip split and the warm, metallic taste of blood hit her taste buds, stars flashing in front of her eyes as her ears began to ring from the harsh knock.

Steve saw Rumlow land the blow to Katie’s face and let out a growl of anger and aimed another kick at one final agent who had stumbled back up, causing him to collide with the side of the elevator before slumping down. He turned, pulled on his arm as hard as he could, wrenching the cuff off the side of the elevator and looked up in time to see Katie, who was now pinned against the wall by another set of those damned cuffs, take a blow to the ribs from Rumlow causing her to cry out in pain.

“Rumlow!” he yelled causing the man to whip his head round, surprise on his face. Katie, using her arms as leverage, swung her legs upwards, kicking Rumlow with both feet. The STRIKE leader stumbled slightly as Steve snarled at him, his entire body and face alight with rage “Touch my girl again…and I’ll fucking kill you.”

Rumlow got to his feet, holding one of his arms out, electric rod in his hand “Whoa, big guy. I just want you both to know, this ain't personal.”

He then lunged at Steve with his electric rod but one on one Steve was easily able to defend himself, he moved to the right, dodged and grabbed him, throwing him harshly upwards where he crashed into the ceiling of the elevator, before falling to the floor, unconscious.

“Yeah well…It kind of feels personal” Steve said, his breath slightly ragged from the exertion. He used his foot to flip his shield over like a Frisbee, catching it perfectly.

“You alright?” Steve asked, stepping over the bodies of the 8 agents they’d taken down to get to Katie.

“Yeah…” she said. Steve cut the cuffs that were restraining her into 2 pieces with his shield and she bent over, his hands gently on her back as she rubbed at her side before straightening up and stalking over to where Rumlow was beginning to stir slightly. She kicked him hard in the face, causing him to flip backwards and he was out, unconscious.

“Nothing personal…” she spat, then looked up at Steve. There was a moment during which they both looked around, trying to make sense of what had happened, before the elevator doors opened and Steve pulled Katie sharply behind him. They both stared at a team of STRIKE agents pointing their weapons into the elevator. Steve raised his shield.

“Drop the shield! Put your hands in the air!”

Steve looked round, and spotted the elevator wires to the left of Katie’s head

“DUCK!” he yelled at her, and as she did he swiped with his shield over her head sending them plummeting. Eventually the emergency brake systems kicked in and the elevator stopped, slightly misaligned with the doors by a few feet. As Katie bent down to retrieve a gun and some ammo off one of the Agents, Steve forced the door open, intending to climb out but more STRIKE agents were approaching. He closed the door again and looked at Katie, then around the glass walls, looking down below us at the glass roof of the main Triskelion atrium.

It was a long way but they could make it.

“You’re kidding, right?” Katie exclaimed, realising exactly what he was thinking.

“Give it up, Rogers! Get that door open! You have nowhere to go!” came the yell from the floor outside the elevator door.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, taking a deep breath, raising his shield in front of him.

“Of course I do, but…”

“Then hang on…”

She sighed and jumped onto his back, swinging her legs round his waist and her arms round his neck. Steve propelled them forward and broke through the glass in the elevator, spreading his arms out wide as he fell to prevent himself from tumbling through the air before tucking his body as tightly in to his shield as he could. Katie did the same, burying her head into his back as they crashed through the glass ceiling and hit the floor with a loud clang, to screams and shouts from people all around the atrium.

Katie gave a soft groan, rolling off Steve who moaned and stretched out, having been winded from the impact. But Steve knew they had to keep moving. He pushed himself up onto his knees, took a deep breath and offered his hand to Katie to help her stand. They both took a quick glance around before he started to run, pulling her with him. She stumbled slightly, but he kept hold of her, not letting her fall until her legs seemed to be working again.

And then they ran.

@the-omni-princess

@momobaby227

@geekofmanythings16

#steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers #captain america #natasha romanoff #black widow #nick fury #heil hydra #the winter soldier #mcu #mcu fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #fanfic #avengers #avengers fanfiction

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danetobelieve · 5 years

Text

Car Shellsman || Alain and Winston

Despite a giant crustacean attacking their car and forcing Winston to run away with a weirdo who would then go onto buy them lunch, Winston managed to get their car to Babineaux Garage. They had to admit that they were starting to wonder whether mechanics were bound by the laws of an automotive equivalent of patient and doctor confidentiality. There was a giant rent down the side of their car, starting on the left side of the bonnet and taking an immediate sharp left down it’s side, ending in the wheel arch. Not to mention the already pre-existing problems with the car. Gently, carefully, they wheeled their vehicle into the garage and came to a neat stop. Stepping out of the vehicle, they headed towards the ‘office’ section of the garage. “Hey,” they said adjusting their thick lenses as they spotted a somewhat dishevelled mechanic that they thought they might’ve spoken to online, “we spoke online, I was the guy with the rattling car… that chugged out a load of smoke.” They really hoped that this mechanic didn’t notice the giant sheet of torn car bonnet.

Alain was doing bookkeeping when he heard what he suspected was the rattling car from that guy online. Yeah, that did not sound good at all, like someone shaking a box of rocks underneath it. The exhaust system, probably. He did not look up from his computer screen, however, his eyes narrowing at what the software was telling him to do. He hated this goddamn thing. Things would have been a lot easier had it been done on paper. “Fait chier,” he mumbled under his breath, spinning in his chair to get a look at his invoices. Scratching the back of his head, he glanced up at a young looking person, happy to get a break from the paperwork. “Alright, let’s have a look,” standing up from his chair, he headed in the garage. The first thing he noticed was the giant sheet of torn car bonnet. What the fuck. A loose catalytic converter, ok, that was normal. This? No. This car was a wreck. Between the car body and the converter, this would not be cheap. “You cannot drive with your hood looking like that. You’ll get arrested.” What the actual fuck.

Raising an eyebrow gently, Winston winced at the obvious sight of the hood. Swallowing somewhat awkwardly, they shrugged gently. “Uh, I don’t know what to tell you other then it wasn’t like that when I left the house, you probably wouldn’t even believe me if I did tell you what happened…” They trailed off and shuffled their feet. Their car was a touchy subject. It had never really run well, even when they got it. But then again by the time it made its way into their possession it had already been around the block thousands of times. “Normally I wouldn’t be driving this,” another lie, Winston drove everywhere they could, “but the truth is that I really need it to get to and from college, I can’t really afford to pay for a bunch of body work right now so maybe we could … I don’t know … patch it up with duct tape or something and try and make sure that it stops overheating.” They were hoping to avoid a fiery death if they possibly could but it seemed unlikely with the now trademarked bag of rocks sound that their car was making. “Can you save her?”

“Huh,” scoffing, the mechanic rubbed at the back of his neck. Of course Alain had seen cars in worse shape, but they were usually classic cars people had bought and wanted to be made brand new again. This, was a whole other situation and another kind of damage too. “Try me, you have no idea what stories I’ve heard in the past,” obviously his stories weren’t as wild as stories someone working at the ER could hear but still, people were never proud of their accidents. Alain walked around the car, running his hand on the dent on the left side. “If you’re going to be using duct tape, you’ll be the one responsible for that. I don’t want to be associated with that kind of job,” he took pride in his work, and that was simply unacceptable. Of course he was used to broke kids crashing his garage and expecting a discount because they would rather get a new pair of brand new Nikes rather than save a couple of bucks in case of such scenarios. The entitlement was terrifying. “So, just to be sure, you are completely broke, and I should save your car because…?” His hands on both hips, Alain was now chewing on his lower lip and shaking his head slowly.

“Well, the car overheated, but that isn’t that weird, it does that a couple of times a year and normally if you just leave it to cool down then it is completely fine,” Winston paused a little guilty. Cars weren’t meant to just overheat and they knew that. “Then after that I was accosted by a woman jogging who said it looked like a shit car and a shit car had had sex and given birth to this beautiful baby,” they rubbed the roof of their car affectionately, “it was at that point a giant lobster and / or crab thing turned up and assaulted my poor automotive.” They raised an eyebrow about the comment on duct tape. “Well, y’know I was joking about using duct tape but whatever you feel would be the best tool for the job, I trust your professional expertise.” They hated it when someone tried to tell them how to do their job when it came to working with computers, they were sure Alain felt the same way about cars. “Obviously I will pay whatever the work costs, but I’m a college student who works an unpaid internship and inherited this car from my elder siblings, it has a lot of sentimental value. If I can save her I want to, I’d rather not scrap her for the sake of it.”

“Did you ask her out ? She sounds lovely”, Alain commented as he squatted and had a look at the back of the car, putting on gloves before he grabbed the exhaust pipe to shake it a little bit. As he expected, that thing was loose, and that fella’ was lucky it had not fallen down on the road. “A giant lobster?” His eyebrows raised up on his forehead. This was .. interesting. Even if he did not have a habit of going after beasts, the variety of them always astonished him. At least, with vampires, you had a certain routine, the night, the solid ground. Beast hunters could easily end up several feet above the ground, or beneath the surface of water. Alain admired them but he did not envy them. His time at the ring had been very instructing and while he wouldn’t be completely clueless in front of those things, he left their care to those who had trained for them. There were enough unholy things for him to stake care of. “You don’t have to pay it all at once,” scratching his cheek, he rubbed a recent scar, one he could thank Deirdre for. “Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I’m going to look for used car parts in junkyards,” he only had to make a phone call or two, maybe look online, which wouldn’t take long. “It might not be the right color, but we can change that if necessary.” Most people did not particularly enjoy having a patchwork car. “The catalytic converter on the other end, it has to be brand new, or it’ll just go back to making sounds,” he shrugged. The kid could go for a used part for this too if he wanted.

Shaking their head, Winston shrugged. “Honestly she was way older then me … and I don’t really go for girls that are there to make fun of my car. I don’t see why it matters what I drive as long as I get from A to B.” Pausing for a moment, they gazed as the mechanic set to work. “Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it kind of stood on my car and did that to it, honestly I was worried it would rupture a fuel line or something but I guess I got off lucky because I managed not to die or anything.” Honestly they weren’t sure what they expected this guy to believe. They probably wouldn’t believe it if they heard it. But so many weird things had been happening recently and they weren’t sure what the hell was really happening to this town. Listening to Alain’s recommendations, they paused and nodded. “I can deal with that, I think it's probably best to fix the car so that it runs as best it can, but I don’t know how far away from going to the junkyard it really has left on it.” The car should’ve been scrapped years ago really, Winston knew it, they were just too cheap to let it go.

"I've heard worse stories," Alain took a step back from the car. If a gigantic beast had stood on this car then there might be more damage than what he could see here. He'd have to check that too, but that meant dismantling everything under the hood and checking each piece which would take hours of labour. Besides he had no way of really knowing whether the damage was due to the giant lobster or to the fact that this was a wreck anyways. He did not question the veracity of the story. It probably was true. "To be honest, it'll probably cost more than what the car is worth," he scratched at the back of his head. Fixing it was something he could do and he was not afraid of that ; he felt bad for that kid, and while he would fix it if they really wanted him to, they had to know that it was a waste of money they apparently did not have. "I can already fix what we said, I would count around $500 if I can find used parts for everything." And it was unlikely that they had an insurance that covered any of this either… Alain held back a sigh and motioned them to follow him back to the front office. He'd have a look online and maybe he would even have good news.

“I dread to think what worse stories there could possibly be.” Winston wasn’t even joking, with everything that was happening recently. There was no real good news here. They could probably afford to pay that, but at that point they might as well just scrap it and sell it for parts. “Damn,” Winston winced and adjusted their glasses, “look, I appreciate the offer but I don’t even think that the car is worth that much…” they sighed and pulled their glasses off. Rubbing their eyes exhaustedly Winston sighed. “Do you have like a good scrap guy that I can try and make some money off of what is left of this thing…?” Winston looked at Alain hopefully, wishing that they had a better option than this. They felt like this was something that they could do without, but for now they would just have to deal.

“Well, the giant lobster did not eat anyone alive in your story,” Alain’s smile grew wide, so wide you could not tell whether he was joking or not. Shaking his head, he took off his gloves and headed back to his computer to have a look at prices for late 90s Buicks like Winston’s. He did not expect that they could be, after all this time, still priced at over $2,000. Well, then, maybe repairing it was worth it, but they could probably get a good price from a junkyard too, and buy another used car with that money. “Change of plans. It might be worth it. I’ll do my best to keep it affordable,” turning the monitor so that Winston could have a look, he waited for them to take a decision. Even if this car wasn’t what you could call a nice car, he could see that they cared a lot about it, and Alain appreciated that. “This might take a bit longer than two weeks,” he rubbed his bearded chin. “I could let you leave with a courtesy car if your insurance covers it.”

“Would that be something that would do? Why don’t you sound like you think I’m having a nervous breakdown or something? Why is no one concerned about how weird all of this shit is?!” Pausing for a second, Winston scratched at their stubble and considered Alain’s apparent new proposition. The possibility of keeping their car intact would be good, but only if it was worth it. There would of course eventually come a point where Winston knew that they would have to just cut their losses and hope for the best. But despite that they were somewhat attached to the car. “I can cope with a bit of a wait if there is something that you can do, I’d have to check with my insurance if they cover a courtesy car but I truly doubt it. I guess if there is anything you can do then that’d be good, but if it is going to get really expensive then I’ll have to scrap her…”

"What? Eat a person whole?" His eyebrows raised with concern. Maybe he was indeed a bit too laid back about all of the things happening in his town. "Look kid," Alain almost raised a hand to pat him kindly on their shoulder, but decided against it, scratching at the back of his neck instead, "if you're new in town, you'll either get used to it or you'll end up in complete denial," this had to be the case for about 90% of the town population, he estimated. Alain was not representative of the normal White crest citizen, far from it, and this dated back to his childhood. It was probably best for Winston to not dwell on it. Maybe they would even forget it was ever real. "I'll have a look under the hood, check if there's anything damaged. I doubt you could have drived here without lights flashing red or orange on your dashboard," he observed, filling out a form for him. "I'll need your name, address, phone number and assurance papers, etc." Pointing at different spots on the form, the mechanic glanced up at Winston's face. "Don't worry, I'll email you a quotation in a couple of hours. I'm not doing anything until you respond to the mail, ok?"

“You were the one who didn’t seem that bothered about it moments ago,” Winston replied with a laugh, “not me!” They shrugged gently and sighed. “I’ve actually lived here all my life, things were always a bit weird, you know like my neighbours cat once turned up with no fur, or one time a tree moved gardens,” they scratched at the edge of their sleeve, “but I’m starting to realise that maybe I’d been in denail before, I’m not sure how I didn’t realise all of these things before.” They sighed gently and listened to Alain’s procedure for the car. It sounded as if they were going to do a good job with it and they quickly set about filling out the requisite parts of the form that Alain had given them. Writing down their name, phone number, address and the various details that would be needed, including an email address where they could be reached. “Thanks, you’re … you seem cool.” Despite the fact that the news of a giant lobster hadn’t seemed to phase them, Winston thought that they seemed to be at least halfway decent, and they had only had a brief professional interaction.

“It’s not that I’m not bothered. I’m…. blasé ? Jaded.” Alain shrugged, sitting back in his office chair and idly playing with a pen. “Oh, I’m sorry, I assumed…” he trailed off and looked away from them. Taking the form back from Winston, Alain looked at the information for a moment, holding poorly back a smile at the compliment. “That lobster, where was it by the way?” If it had attacked once, it could attack again unless they had killed it, in which case they would probably get along very nicely. "Hey it's okay. Just don't get willingly in trouble because you no longer are in denial…" Alain had witnessed it before in others. Curiosity was something Alain had also been cursed with but at least he could afford to be curious, unlike regular humans of White crest. "Don't hesitate if you see anything weird, ok? I might be able to help," an odd offer, but he wasn't taking any chances here.

“Blasé?” Winston replied somewhat bemused, “Is there something that I’m missing here? If you’re blasé about it then you’re going to have to have been aware of it for sometime so that you could have reached your jaded state… so I guess what I want to know is what your secret is.” They shrugged. “Don’t be sorry, I’m still learning about it all. I just, I didn’t realise it was so obvious until it whacked me across the head, kind of. Figure of speech y’know.” They considered it before pulling up google maps on their phone and pointing to the road they had broken down on. “Uh, it all happened over here, so I’d avoid it …” then Alain was saying that maybe they could help and Winston was once again curious, “so you could help?” they asked somewhat skeptically wondering exactly what a mechanic would be able to do in this instance, “What is it exactly that you would be able to do against a giant lobster … thing?”

“I started learning about those things before I could read,” leaning back in his chair, Alain raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Yeah, I had a weird childhood,” and that was all Alain would say about being a child in a slayer family. “I see. Well, I can’t blame you for being in denial for a while. None of this make sense,” it was against everything they taught you at school, everything your parents normally told you. Don’t follow strangers was normal advice. If you see a vampire, stab it with a pointy stick, was not normal advice. Glancing at the map on their phone, Alain rubbed at his chin wondering if he should just tell that fella about his activities. While he doubted that they were dangerous, Alain was not willing to start a fight with a protector of supernatural creatures in his own shop. He had a glance at the shredded car and sighed. No one would have gone through so much trouble to confront a hunter, right? “I don’t hunt these specifically, but I might know someone who does,” he finally replied, scratching at the back of his head.

“Woah…” Winston couldn’t really imagine what that would be like. Deliberately choosing to learn about this. That was something that they were having to do now and they already felt as if they were behind on the game. But if they had known since they were younger then maybe they would have been able to come to terms with all of this or at least know what to do. “I mean, weird sure, but at least you know what you’re doing and how to deal with all of this … y’know … stuff.” They paused for a second more and shrugged. There was only so much that they could do. “Well, if you could put me in contact with them then I’d really appreciate that, it would be nice to know that there is someone that I can call incase I get trapped by one of those things. I don’t even know what the cops or animal control would be able to do against these things.”

“Woah indeed,” raising his eyebrows, Alain started typing a couple of things on his keyboard before putting phone numbers on a post it note for later. He’d have to make a couple of phone calls to fix Winston’s car and those always took time because he didn’t particularly talking over the phone. Heh, maybe he’d ask his employee to do it for him instead. Iker probably hated it too, but that was a perk Alain had, choosing who did the things he personally disliked. “Sure, I’ll send you that by email,” now whether Kaden charged people for doing his job, he was not sure, but Alain felt like saving a life was priceless. He would never do it for money, but some people had to make a living, and he could not blame them for monetizing life. “It’s quite easy, they’ll do nothing. All you’ll get is your face on the front page of the newspapers and a headline saying it was a wild animal who did it.”

#p: alain #para #wickedswriting #chatzy para #car shellsman

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canyouhearthelight · 5 years

Text

The Miys, Ch. 39

Thank you everyone for your patience as I dealt with computer issues this week! I was able to get the chapter done with minimal delay, and I hope you all enjoy it. Fair warning: it has not been run by @parisconstantine, so all faults are my own.

Please give a warm round of applause and welcome to @books-and-cartoons original character, Grandma Kim. I really hope I did her justice, and I really hope you tell me off if I didn’t give her a fair shake!

A few days after forwarding the group of approved candidates to the rest of the Council, I found myself pacing my quarters while my stomach clenched painfully. I had been trying to calm my nerves for nearly an hour, but to no avail. Even worse, for the first time since I left the medical bay, I was completely alone with my thoughts, which swirled and screamed at me with increasing urgency as time ticked by. I was frightened, angry, betrayed, and anxious in turns. My hair was a mess from running my hands through it, although I had resisted the urge to tug on it – if only out of worry that I would collapse into a sobbing, drooling heap on the floor.

I had finally given in to my family’s insistence and was waiting for Grandma Kim to arrive.

Conor was on shift, still working to get the platforms completed in BioLab 2 after the delays caused by losing some of the people assigned to the project. I had begged my sister to wait with me, but she put her small foot down with enormous resolve. “I know you are nervous, and that’s expected,” she had sighed. “But, Sophia, I’m exhausted. I’ve been doing my job and the job of your assistant for months now, plus not being able to sleep without knowing you’re okay. I need to just – not exist for a few days. Go to my quarters, keep the lights off, and just let everything that’s going to happen, happen. Your quarters are recorded within an inch of your life and mine: video, audio, and doppler recordings are constantly running. Noah is going to be nearby so they can respond at a moment’s notice if needed, but this is Grandma Kim we’re talking about. There isn’t any safer place to be on this ship, honestly. I promise that you won’t die, but if I don’t get a break, I might kill you myself.”

Conor had been horrified at her bluntness, but I quickly explained to him that my sister knew I needed a kick in the pants if I was going to get back to something resembling normal, and only meant it with love. Despite so much time around us, he was still adjusting to the way we were so open with our feelings while not hesitating to define our limits with each other. And, to my utter horror, she was right – she had every reason to be exhausted, and I admired the fact that she knew not to work herself into collapse like I so often found myself doing.

So, in the end, I had agreed that at least meeting with Grandma Kim was best for everyone involved. It would take a load off of my sister, give Conor a break from being my personal bodyguard, and give me someone to lean on who I wouldn’t feel guilty about needing. After all, helping people through trauma was apparently her job.

Nonetheless, when the chime sounded to announce that someone was waiting to enter my living space, I nearly shot out of my skin and through the bulkhead above me. Two deep breaths and a lot of shaking later, I signaled for the door to allow her in. I don’t know what I had been expecting, but the visage that greeted me could only be described as “As Advertised”. Long hair streaked in dark and light grey tied in a practical plait, medium height, just too young to be ‘elderly’ even though I knew she was at least seventy years old. Ramrod posture, gentle smile, and the biggest German Shepherd I had ever seen in my life sitting patiently at her side. “You must be Grandma Kim,” I stated dumbly, trying to sound more confident and in control than I felt.

“Hello, dear,” she tilted her head slightly in acknowledgement. “And this is Lyric. May we come in?”

Flustered, I stepped to the side. “Right. Yes. Please come in. Would you like me to show you around?”

She hummed softly before gently rebuking Lyric. “Yes, your friend Mac lives here. But you still have to be alert. Be a good girl and keep your ears up, but don’t bother the grown ups while we talk, okay? Keep it down.” With that, the admonished pup padded over and nosed Mac, receiving a disdainful look before being allowed to start wrestling quietly. “That’s a good girl.” Glancing up, Grandma Kim shook her head with a small smirk. “Those two are thick as thieves, just a knot of trouble sometimes. But Lyric knows to behave at a guest’s house, so she’ll mind her manners. And don’t worry about showing me around, Miss Reid. Why don’t you sit down so you’ll be more comfortable, and I’ll get us something to drink and snack on while we talk.” Without waiting for a response, she glided into my kitchen area.

Not knowing what else to do, I sat on my couch and tucked my legs beneath me. No wonder everyone just calls her ‘grandma’, I mused. I just got told what to do by an old lady in my own home. Grandmother powers, indeed.

“This is a lovely kitchen,” she called as she moved around. “Do you cook?”

“Yes ma’am,” I answered, grabbing my blanket and wrapping it around me as a sort of armour.

“I would love to see you cook sometime.” Gods, I could literally hear her smiling. “I always found cooking to be quite relaxing.” She came back into my public area with two mugs and a tray of small pastries.

As she handed me one mug, a scent filled my nose and set my mouth watering. “I’m not allowed caffeine yet,” I apologized wistfully, not yet setting the beverage down.

She tutted! She actually tutted! “Yes, I know. Anxiety and all that. But, excuse me for being blunt, you look like you’re exhausted, and your file lists your favorite beverages as all being coffee-based. A nice warm mug of sweet coffee with plenty of milk will do you right, I think.” She threw me a wink. “Besides, professional nurturers are allowed to override medical restrictions to a small degree. One cup of coffee definitely will do you more psychological good than it will do you physical harm.”

Needing no other encouragement, I took a long sip of heaven and sighed. Grandma Kim chuckled slightly before taking a sip of her own and setting it to the side. “Now that we have that out of the way, I know you want to ask me some questions. Let me go ahead and take the liberty of answering the usual ones right out of the gate. I know you’re more familiar with what I do than most people are, seeing as your sister and Antoine are partners. He specializes – or specialized – in providing physical non-sexual comfort and basic care. Making sure people with deep depression don’t cause themselves harm through direct action or neglect, cuddling, that sort of thing.”

“You say ‘specialized’, past tense,” I stated slowly. “He wasn’t fired for his relationship with my sister, was he?”

“Oh, dear no!” she laughed. “On the contrary. He recused himself, feeling it would be wrong to continue his duties due to their relationship. Something about donuts. In any case, he is currently overseeing our policies and general practices, while guiding assignments to ensure better quality of compatibility than simple chance.” I blew a breath of relief as she continued. “My specialty is quite different from his. I don’t cuddle, really, for starters. What I provide, instead, is a different kind of comfort. The comfort of knowing you are safe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and the comfort of reassurance. Also, if one of my clients has an episode of hallucination or paranoia and attacks me by mistake, I can both defend myself without harming them and also restrain them if necessary. It happens rarely,” she held up her hand to fend of my objection, “but it has been known to happen, and I have had several people concerned they will hurt me. You will not, I promise. Before everything went ass over teakettle, I had combat training for unarmed, close quarters, and long-distance weapons. Very few people on the Ark can land a strike on me once, and none can do it twice.”

I sucked a breath between my teeth. That was unexpected.

She continued. “Now, I clearly did not learn all that for the fun of it, or for peaceful reasons. However, I find it a shame that so many people in the After and on this ship live what they call lives unable to shake the idea that someone will hurt them. Even more shameful is that they all have good reason for that. I can’t let it continue. If I, a very harmless looking little old lady can take care of them and give them the reassurance that they are safe? Well, I feel I would be a horrible person if I didn’t do exactly that.” She took a sip of her coffee as nonchalantly as if she were discussing the weather. “You, however, are a little more unique than that, aren’t you, Sophia Reid?”

“Yes ma’am,” I muttered, glancing down at my own half-gone beverage.

“None of that,” she chided gently. “Grandma Kim or GK will do fine. But as I was saying, you had an attempt on your life made by someone very close to you, and I can imagine that you are hesitant to let anyone else be close enough to hurt you like that. I don’t blame you, frankly. What happened to you was an evil thing, done by someone who thought herself a hero. And now, you have the weight of being a figurehead jammed on your shoulders, whether you want it or not, while trying to shore up your own foundations at the same time.” I nodded as she blew a breath threw her nose. “Well, that won’t do, will it?”

“I don’t really have a choice,” I answered ruefully.

“Of course you do.”

“How do you figure that?” My head tilted to one side, puzzled.

“Well, for starters, I think you need help setting boundaries with the people around you,” she stated firmly. “And I can help you with that. Not in the way your sister or an assistant can, by managing your schedule, but by reminding you to rest, to take time for yourself. Right now, you may be too afraid of your own mind to do that, but with me and Lyric here to keep you company? Two people who you don’t have to help, and who you aren’t being a burden to by needing us? That alone usually removes a huge weight from people. You have a history of forgetting to feed yourself if you have no one else to feed. But you also find it distinctly rude to decline food that is prepared for you.” She gestured at the half gone plate of spanakopita. When did I eat that? I must have, to know what it was. She never told me, and it wasn’t something you would serve with coffee.

“Antoine told me it’s one of your favorites,” she explained. “He also wanted me to get you to eat, even if you decided against allowing me to assist you. But I do ask that you consider things. You don’t need to give a response now, since I’m certain this has been exhausting for you. Go to bed, take a nap, and think about it after you’ve had some rest. My feelings will not be hurt, either way, but I do think that you would benefit from having a companion, even for a brief time while you adjust to everything.”

I nodded dumbly. She definitely was right about being exhausted, but a nap seemed like an impossibility at the moment. “I – I don’t know if I can sleep,” I admitted through clenched teeth, forcing myself to say the words. “I haven’t been able to sleep by myself since – since I got home….”

“How do you usually sleep?” she asked.

“Conor sleeps next to me,” I admitted. “I don’t like taking medicine to sleep, and I know he won’t let anyone hurt me. It’s not anything sexual, just – more of a protection than anything else.” Nonetheless, I felt my face flush hot and red.

“Do we need to send him a message?” she offered.

I shook my head. “He’s working. They’re already behind schedule, and I know he would come, but I don’t want to pull him away any more than I have.” I blinked way the sting that was coming to my eyes. I was not about to cry over not being able to do something as simple as take a nap.

Grandma Kim hummed to herself for a moment. “Well, I have an idea, if you think you may be interested. And I promise it isn’t medicine.” I nodded for her to continue. “This will in no way obligate you to take on our services, but would you be more comfortable if Lyric slept on the bed with you? Or even on the floor by the bed? I would sit out here while you rested, unless she came to get me if you need help.”

I glanced at Lyric, where she wrestled with Mac, while I thought the idea over. While I barely knew this woman, Antoine recommended her highly – specifically when it came to safety. And I couldn’t deny there was a certain novelty in having an actual guard dog protect me while I slept, rather than well-meaning construction worker-cum-botanist who did his best imitation of one. “What the hell,” I relented. “May as well take your services for a test drive.”

“That’s the spirit, dear,” she smiled.

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#the miys #humans are weird #science fiction #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia #original #aliens #apocalypse

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straykidsmusings · 5 years

Text

Puppy Love - Johnny

Pairing: Johnny & Y/N Words: 1.8k Genre: Fluff Warning(s): like maybe 2 swear words Request/Summary: very cute best friend Johnny, leading to something more? A/N: This is like proper 14-year-old cute shit but it’s cute I swear

You and Johnny had been friends since you were babies. Your parents having been friends for ages, therefore you were always destined to be friends. You were best friends since you could play, both of you helping each other with things, him being very protective of you from the get go. Even when he properly got into SM, he would always spend time with you, away from his trainee ambitions. When he moved away things had got a bit harder, phone calls and facetimes the main way of communication in between him training. He came home relatively frequently, loving to see his family, his dog, and you. He was coming home this weekend, it had been a while since he’d been down, but he just wanted a break from everything.

His mum had phoned you the night before, inviting you to their house for a small welcome home dinner. You arrived at his house, knocking gently on it even though his parents always tell you to just come on in every time. His mum answers the door, greeting you with a big smile and a warm hug, the homely smell of a warm dinner surrounding you. She points at the living room door, making her way back into the kitchen where you could hear Johnny’s dad pottering about. You quietly open the door, popping your head in to see Johnny lounging on the sofa, his dog’s head on his lap, the TV on in front of him. He glances up at you, expecting it to be one of his parents, but he does a double take when he saw you, a bright smile lighting up his face, getting quickly out of his seat to come hug you. Your head fits perfectly into his chest, his arms snugly wrapped around your waist, his cheek resting on the top of your head. He was wearing a pair of black shorts and an oversized grey hoodie, the familiar scent of his cologne surrounding your senses, relaxing you into his warm embrace. He very gently rocks you back and forth, feeling your smile against his chest, cuddling properly into him and making up for the time that you haven’t seen him. You were fully relaxed in his hold when you felt something trying to wiggle its way in between the both of you, the soft fur circling your legs. You pull back with a giggle, seeing him wagging his tail in between the two of you, looking up at you. He turned around on the spot, hitting Johnny in the legs with his bum and tail to face you, Johnny letting out a disgruntled huff at how much his dog loved you. You laughed, bending down to pat him on the head, your hands carding through his soft fur as he licked your cheek. You stood up, sitting down beside Johnny on the sofa, kicking your legs up beside his, his long arm covering the tops of your shoulders, his hand absentmindedly drawing little circles on your arm. His dog jumps up between you, moving in circles to get comfortable, somehow head butting Johnny several times before setting his head on your lap. You giggle at his annoyed face, holding his nose and checking that it wasn’t bleeding. He pulled out his phone to send a video to the boys, pointing it at himself, a small portion of you in the edge of it. “This is how much my dog hates me,” he said, pointing at his nose, “He headbutted me, just to then lay on y/n. And what does she do? Cuddle him. Unbelievable.” You stifle a giggle, him pointing the camera so that you were more in frame, then down to his dog who was almost falling asleep on your lap.

The boys knew you relatively well. You didn’t live near them, so you weren’t in touch with that many of them. However, you did come to visit him occasionally and you were featured prominently in his pictures, videos and stories when he goes home.

You spent the night relaxing, having a lovely family meal with his parents. You sat in the living room, watching TV all together, cuddled into Johnny’s chest, his arm keeping you pulled against his warm chest. Soon after the show ended, his parents decide to go to bed, saying goodnight, hugging you both, his mum kissing you both on the head, beginning her speech about not staying up too late. Johnny sits and edits a piece of music he was working on, a recent hobby of his that he hadn’t divulged to anyone but you, you sat beside him, your head on his shoulder, watching how concentrated on it he is. You talk back and forth a bit but you can tell he’s not that engaged in the conversation. You sit up, crossing your legs under you, pulling a blanket from the back of the sofa over you. “You only see me once, maybe twice a month max and your sitting here editing?” you joke. He turns to look at you, a small frown on his face. He saves all his work, turning off his computer fully. “You know I was only joking, right? I don’t mind you working,” you say, scared that you might have annoyed him with your comment. He turns to you properly, shaking his head, “You’re right,” he said quietly, opening his arms out for you to relax into them, hugging you into his chest, wrapping the cosy blanket around the both of you.

You sit and talk about things for hours. How preparing for the comeback was, how his friends are, how he is feeling really, away from the cheery idol version of himself, you convincing him to just take a break for a little bit, cut down on his work load because you could see how tired he was and just how stressed he was because he just wanted to please his fans. Your conversation eventually came onto relationships, an ever slightly touchy subject since Johnny hated your boyfriend, or now, ex-boyfriend. He had made it very clear from the beginning that he didn’t like him, your then boyfriend reciprocating the feelings. You told Johnny that you were no longer together, a small smile making its way onto his lips. But it slowly faded when he saw the upset look on yours, anger seeping around the both of you when you told him how he treated you towards the end, and how you ended it when you found him in bed with another girl. He pulls you into a proper hug, resting his hand on the back of your head to keep it cuddled into him, kissing you gently on the head. He held you for a while, a peaceful silence coming around you. He looked down at you when he felt your breathing even out, seeing your eyes gently closed shut and your lips parted slightly, a blissful look on your face. He turned everything off, gently lifting you up, carrying you up to his room, tucking you under the blankets, which wasn’t unusual from the number of sleepovers you had had together. He crawled in beside you, covering the both of you properly with his soft blankets, wrapping a strong arm around your middle, placing a kiss on your head. “Sweet dreams love,” he whispered, relaxing behind you, not knowing you were half awake when he did it, both of you cuddling until you fell asleep properly.

You woke up to Johnny lying beside you, scrolling through Twitter. He turned his head to face your moving figure, a smile making its way onto his face at your sleepy expression. “Morning,” he says, overly cheery for your mood, a groan leaving your lips, your hand coming up to hit over his mouth. He chuckled, reaching up and pressing your hand to his mouth firmer, kissing your palm before letting go, locking his phone and cuddling into you. You cuddled all morning, having a proper in depth chat about things that had been happening. “So we talked about my love life last night, what’s happening with yours?” you said, tracing shapes with your finger on his bare chest. He let out a short laugh, “Absolutely nothing.” “Come on Johnny, something has to be happening.” “I mean obviously there are girls about but they’re not really that interesting to me. I haven’t had a proper girlfriend in years purely because of my schedule. I’m so busy all the time, especially with travelling and events, I wouldn’t want to make them feel like they’re second to my job.” He explains, running his fingers gently up your arm. “But I think I’ve gotten to the stage where I want to find a girl to properly try things with. I’ve done all the cool fun parts with my friends, now I just want to do those cool fun parts with my partner.” “Do you have your eye on anyone?” you ask casually. He nods lightly, “I don’t think she likes me back though.” “Can I ask who it is?” you ask, feeling his heartrate pick up immensely under your ear on his chest. You hear a small “Fuck,” leave his mouth. You hear another mumble, although you couldn’t really make out what he was saying. You sit up to look at him, asking him to repeat himself. “You,” he says, a strong pink blush marking his cheeks, a steady procession of the word ‘shit’ leaving his mouth. He grabbed the edge of the blanket, pulling it over his head when you didn’t say anything in response. You smile to yourself, gently lifting the blanket, seeing Johnny with his eyes clenched shut, not wanting to see your reaction. You pulled the blanket over both of your heads, your head coming closer to his, feeling his light breath on your face. You traced your finger over his facial features, coming to rest on his jaw, leaning in to very softly connect your lips. Although he’s surprised at first his lips move in sync with yours easily, his hand coming up to run through your hair, both of you smiling into the kiss, happy that you finally got what you had both wanted since you were young. His hands gently rested on your waist as you kissed, a slow passionate kiss, making up for all the times you’ve wanted to do this but haven’t been able to. You hear someone open the door to his room, a gasp leaving their lips as you come from under the covers, falling into his chest at how obvious what you were just doing was. Johnny looks up to see his mum standing in the doorway, a smirk on her lips.

“It’s about time.”

#fluff #nct #johnny #nct imagines #johnny imagines

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tessatechaitea · 5 years

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Black Condor #5

Five issues and five pure cheesecake covers.

Crud-for-brains? I'd wager my life savings that Brian Augustyn was an early Adventures of Pete and Pete fan.

The guys on the cover are just four young dude-bros stealing from drug dealers. They burn the drugs and take the money to give toward good causes. And probably also to buy cool shit for themselves. They're only human! Probably. I haven't read far enough along to know what they're really doing with the cash. Black Condor will find out after he beats the shit out of three of them. Sorry. I've been gone for awhile. You wouldn't have noticed since my long absence fell between writing the previous paragraph and this current one. And unless you ran off to take a desperate shit right at the same moment, the time between these two paragraphs was negligible, minuscule (I decided to use both words because I'm so proud of my ability to spell my native language (I considered misspelling "native" and "language" but decided that was a boring old joke which has carried more water than Capri-sun (that's a new joke and it's not very good because it doesn't make sense. But at least it's new))). But I was caught up in playing a stupid computer video game about dungeon delving dice trapped in a horrific game show. Spoiler: the dice never get to fuck. But I'm back now because this is blog is the only thing that keeps me sane anymore. You might think that because this blog was my link to sanity, I'd be more earnest. You might think I'd want to be grim and serious and discuss political, social, and environmental matters with the gravity and seriousness they deserve. But that's all the stuff that's doing my head in. So I'd rather pretend that I'm angry at comic books. Here's a secret for the few of you reading this who made it to this specific paragraph out of all of my paragraphs: I wish I were friends with Scott Lobdell. I bet he's kind of an asshole but he's the kind who, if he was getting his ass kicked at a bar for being smarmy and pretentious and smug (smug because he's a rich writer whom a lot of thirteen year old boys (and men with thirteen year old boy minds) think wrote some of the seminal X-men stories), he'd completely understand if you didn't step in to defend him. He feels like the kind of guy who knows what he really deserves (a righteous ass beating) and wouldn't think the world unfair should he ever receive it. Then he'd probably buy drinks for the people who beat his ass, and I'd look him in the eye and shrug, and he'd laugh, and we'd continue to not mention that time we jerked each other off when we were fucking wasted on single malt scotch and peyote. Black Condor and Ned decide they need to find the girl with humongous afro before she hurts people who don't deserve it the way the color changing white supremacist Nazi rapists did.

What does he mean by "completely autistic"? In 1992, I'm guessing that meant nonverbal with loads of stimming and maybe the ability to play any piano concerto immediately after hearing it once.

Karin was experimented on by Black Condor's grandfather's Society but she failed to gain the ability to fly. She did, however, gain mental abilities as powerful as his own. He's concerned that, being autistic, she'll hurt people with her mind rage. Please. She almost certainly just wants to be left alone by everybody in society expecting her to think and act in a specific way that she can't think and act, nor would she want to if she had the ability. Just leave autistic people alone, normals! They don't need help. Just because your autistic kid isn't giving you the kind of unconditional love you were looking for when you decided to have a kid that you would eventually love only conditionally based on how they loved you doesn't mean the kid needs to change. That's on you and your needs. Maybe just find a way for the kid to express themselves (or not! Who knows sometimes?!) and let them do and act as they please. Unless what they want to do is fuck the dog. I'm not saying autistic people fuck dogs but I am saying we're all individuals, you know? Use your common sense! And if your kid is fucking the dog, autistic or not, don't let them near the dog! The Merry Men on the cover (oh hey! There were Merry Men in the Sky Pirate issue! Brian Augustyn either loves old tales of daring adventure or LSD) have been robbing drug dealers to help fund a homeless camp run by a priest named Gamble. The priest isn't involved in the theft; he chastises them about their plans to get money illegally. But they assure him the money isn't tainted and he decides to believe them when they dump thousands of dollars on his desk. Doing the right thing is hard when doing the wrong thing will solve all of your money issues. If you're a weak minded jerk, that is! I totally would never sell out for thousands of dollars so hopefully nobody embarrasses themselves by offering me loads of money to write positive comic book reviews for their publications. Father Gamble refuses the money because he just can't be sure it was honestly come by. I would be less suspicious of the money and more suspicious of the white college kids trying to donate thousands of dollars to a homeless camp. What's really going on in this camp?! Why are these young men so interested in keeping it funded so it doesn't get shut down? Four probably rich white boys risking their lives to help the downtrodden? Sorry but this is the most aggressively fantastic comic book I've ever read. And I'm not using the informal definition of "fantastic."

"Which member of this organization could possibly be giving all of this information to these white boys and why am I exposing my plan to kill them before plugging the leak?!"

Maybe that's racist suggesting that the white guy in the gang is giving the information to other white guys. But this comic book has already asked me to believe too many fanciful plot points so I'm glad Augustyn decided the white guy was absolutely the inside man. The white guys name is Herbie and his boss, Mr. Soto, already knows he's the leak. I'm glad Mr. Soto is as smart as I am. Or as racist. Probably smart though! They follow him as he's trying to meet up with the college Merry Men to warn them that they're in danger. Luckily for Herbie, Black Condor happens upon the scene as he's searching for Karin. And even though Black Condor doesn't give a shit about this guy and his problems, he figures even a reluctant hero wouldn't just stand by and watch some jerk get what's coming to them. After Black Condor saves Herbie, he has to take him to the hospital because he was pistol whipped. Meanwhile, the rich white kids aren't warned that they're about to die so they drive off into the trap to steal more money that Father Gamble won't be accepting for his charity.

What a dumb asshole! Even the most ignorant of ignorant jerks knows there were only three musketeers! Unless he's so familiar with the book that he's including d'Artagnan along with Porthos, Mythos, and Harpos.

I never read The Three Musketeers because I was born in the late 20th century and exciting stories to thrill young boys wasn't a popular genre anymore because we had Batman and Green Lantern. Although I did once play the text adventure version of the book. When I did that, I poked fun at the idea that the author of it was writing the game so that people would remember Alexandre Dumas and yet it's the only reason I know anything about him! Although now I know a little bit more about him because I Googled his name to make sure I was spelling it correctly and now I know what a fancy lad he was!

Now I want to listen to an audio version of his book where every few sentences, the person reading it just says, "Oooooooh, my!"

The Musketeers (maybe I was wrong to assume they were more like the Merry Men?!) manage to get away with only one of them shot in the ankle (the others weren't shot at all, if that wasn't clear). They decide the best way to save their own lives is to lead the gun men on a chase through New York back to Father Gamble's homeless camp. They already know he doesn't want any trouble so why are they taking this gunfight back there?! What is Father Gamble's hold over these young men?! Luckily for everybody in the homeless camp, Black Condor is there still searching for Karin. He'll save everybody's lives reluctantly! Unluckily for everybody, Karin is also there and the gunfire and chaos freaks her out so much that she has a mind-storm! That's the thing she had before that killed four of her attempted Nazi rapists. And that's where the comic book ends! Lucky for older me, younger me bought the next issue so I wouldn't be stuck with this cliff hanger! Lucky for younger me, older me doesn't have a time machine so that fucker has gotten away with some pretty abhorrent behavior which I couldn't correct by going back in time and punching him in the nose. Unlucky for him, he's going to be a virgin for a long, long time! Ha ha! Take that! Ow. Older me just hurt older me's feelings. Black Condor #5 Rating: B. A solid rating that I probably wouldn't have given this comic book back when I was twenty-one. I don't think I understood just what this comic book was doing and wound up only remembering it as a comic book about a reluctant hero. I didn't realize how much of it was Black Condor trying to live his now much more complicated life while also continuously doing the right thing. Even when he just wants to hole up in the woods and say "Fuck it!" to everybody and everything, he still shows the heart of a hero when he's needed by people nearby. And he's fucking sexy hot too.

#Black Condor #Rags Morales #Brian Augustyn #DC Comics #DC

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maddie-nanjingsemester · 6 years

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欢迎光临南京！Welcome to Nanjing!

你们好！Wow. Okay. How do I even start this blog post off? There’s so much that has happened within this past week since I’ve arrived that I almost don’t even know where to start – although I guess it makes sense to start at the beginning. So I’m assuming that if you’re reading this blog, you’re aware that I’m studying abroad in Nanjing, China for this whole semester. If so, great! If not, where have you been?? (Just kidding.) This first post is also probably going to be quite long because there’s a lot to talk about, but stay with me! Also, apologies for not posting this sooner – when our program advisors told us this semester was going to be busy, they weren’t lying!

What a whirlwind this first week was. (Oh and yes, technically I have been here for close to two weeks now, but I’m only going to be talking my impressions of Nanjing from the first week in this blog post, so we’ll stick with that.) I left Chicago on February 13 (Wednesday) around midnight, taking a direct flight to Incheon Airport in South Korea. I flew on Asiana Airlines, which, FYI, has great food. They served bibimbap for dinner and the meals came with little instructions on how to prepare it. 真可爱！So cute! Also super tasty.

After a 14-hour flight, during which I basically alternated sleeping and watching Netflix, we landed around 5am on Friday (Feb 15), so I pretty much lost all of Thursday (Valentine’s Day lol). Such a weird feeling to jump so far ahead in time without even really feeling like I lost any time at all. Then I had about an 8-hour layover in the airport, which normally would have been enough time to get out of the airport and see a bit of Seoul, but since we landed so early, hardly anything was even open inside the airport, let alone outside. On top of that, it was snowing and still dark out, so I elected to stay in and wander around for a while. I was also joined by my airplane seatmate, who was on her way to Thailand but wasn’t leaving until the evening. It was so nice having someone to chat with and explore the airport with.

Finally, following a slight delay, my plane to Nanjing took off a little after 1pm. By this point I was so ready to be done with plane rides that I had a bit of a hard time relaxing, but since we still had a 2.5-hour flight ahead of us, I tried to settle in and read my book nonetheless (The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling, if you’re interested). There was another girl from the program on my flight, and we found each other by the baggage claim after going through security/customs. Speaking of security, I didn’t know that you had to get fingerprinted when you went through customs in China! So I guess the government has my prints on file now. The guard was also definitely suspicious of me and kept looking at my passport photo to confirm that it was actually me (I don’t know, I guess my hair looks different now or something?), and even asked for my admission papers from Nanjing University (which, fortunately, I had with me).

After all this, thankfully there were Chinese students from the program waiting at the airport to meet us and help us get to the dorm. We got in a taxi and then had about an hour-long ride to our dorm, during which I had the chance to just sit and absorb the fact that I was actually in China for the very first time! After so much planning and worrying and traveling, I was finally here. Exhausted and ready to sleep, but here. However, because it was only around 5 or 6pm when we arrived, I didn’t want to go to bed right away because I wanted my body to start adjusting to the time difference right away. Another girl from the program who had already been here for a week offered to go walk around the neighborhood with me so I could stretch my legs some and get a first glimpse of the city. It was chilly and drizzling (it’s been raining quite a bit here), but I didn’t mind because I was just so excited to be in Nanjing! It was cool to get to see some of the nightlife on the very first night and get a feel for the neighborhood. It’s definitely a very walkable city.

The organization that I’m studying abroad with is called CIEE, partnered with Nanjing University (one of China’s top universities), and our program is called Intensive Language and Culture in Nanjing. Because it’s really focused on increase our language ability, we signed a language contract on the first day of classes saying that we would aim to speak only Chinese from Sunday-Friday 8am-8pm. In our Chinese classes, we’re basically covering two semesters-worth of material in just one semester. If you choose to live in the dorms, you also get to room with a Chinese student, which I was definitely nervous about, but so far it’s been wonderful! My roommate’s name is 源苑 (Yuányuàn) and she’s a fourth-year majoring in teaching Chinese to speakers of other languages, with plans to go on to graduate school.

The dorm we’re staying in is Nanjing University’s international students' dorm, so it’s been really cool to see all of the other foreign students here and hear a number of different languages being spoken in the elevators and hallways. The CIEE offices and classrooms are also in this building, so going to class in the mornings is incredibly convenient. (I’ve definitely almost been late to class a few times because I don’t have to leave the building, so I’ve cut it pretty close with leaving my room, taking the elevator, and getting to class with about a minute to spare.) I had originally been thinking about doing a homestay, which is the other housing option offered with this program, but ultimately I decided that I wanted to have a bit more freedom in making spontaneous plans and to be able to live more like a real Nanjing University student (体验学生的生活 – learn through the experience of living like a student). Most of the homestays are also about 30-40 minutes away by train or bus, and I was definitely worried about being late for class in the mornings. The trains and buses don’t run 24/7 either so I wouldn’t be able to stay out late with friends if I wanted to be able to get home without paying a lot of money for a taxi. Homecooked meals and getting to experience Chinese family life would be nice, but I do love the convenience of our dorm and its proximity to lots of great restaurants, as well as getting to hang out with my friends from the program whenever I want. Our dorm rooms are definitely pretty bare, but we do have our own private bathrooms! We’re also on the 10th floor, so the view ain’t half bad.

On Saturday at 9am, the day after we arrived, we started orientation, where we got to learn about Nanjing, Nanjing University, and our program. We also had the chance to go downtown, to get our metro cards and new SIM cards, and to get to know each other a little better. There are 14 of us American students in the program, mostly all from different colleges and different states. Then on Sunday, our roommates moved in! I didn’t know who my roommate was going to be until she moved in, so like I said before, I was definitely nervous, but also like I said before, 源苑 is so great. She’s very easygoing and funny, and even though we’re both busy students, we still get meals together a lot and love to chat about random things! We’ve already had some great conversations about the differences between Chinese and American schooling, culture, etc.

Here are some of my favorite things about being here so far:

The convenience store that’s literally right around the corner from our dorm

It’s the perfect place for school supplies, snacks, and basic school supplies or bathroom items, and I probably go there about once a day to pick up a snack or a notebook or something.

Learning more conversational/colloquial words and phrases

In school, we always learned the formal ways of saying things, and while these are all technically correct, they’re not how most people talk in normal conversation!

For example, I grew up learning that 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) was the best way to say “I’m sorry.” While 对不起 is correct, my roommate told me that this is actually a very formal way of saying sorry, so most Chinese say 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi), which is more casual. (The appropriate response, then, is 没事 – meí shì, “it’s nothing.”)

How helpful the Chinese professors and roommates are

I’m going to talk more about classes in another post, but my professors are fantastic and I’ve already learned so much. 源苑 is also so good at explaining things to me, from words or phrases that I don’t understand to items on a menu. Everyone in this program is just so willing to help us out with our Chinese!

The food, obviously!!

I’ve had a number of people ask me about all the dishes I’ve eaten, and honestly I can’t even tell you the names of everything I’ve eaten so far, but I can tell you that I’ve enjoyed every bit of it. I’ve never been a picky eater and I’ve always been somewhat adventurous when it comes to food, so I’ve pretty much been trying everything people give me.

How many trees there are everywhere!

I honestly did not expect a big Chinese city like Nanjing to be so full of trees and plants and other greenery! I’m definitely excited for it to start getting warmer out so that plants will be able to start blooming again because right now most are pretty bare. But it’s so cool to see trees basically everywhere you look, even lining the main streets.

Here are some of my not-so-favorite things:

Waiting forever for my VPN to connect so I can use the internet

I use Express VPN pretty much all the time now and overall it’s great! So far I’ve mostly been connecting to US locations (although Hong Kong works great for Netflix) and it’s nice to be able to use social media to keep up-to-date with things happening back home. But at certain times during the day, especially in the evening, I have a hard time getting a quick connection, and then websites take a long time to load. I also sometimes have a problem where my VPN is working fine on my computer but not at all on my phone, or vice versa. And then sometimes the servers just won’t connect at all.

Not having a kitchen!!

I love making my own food, and last semester I went down to a very small meal plan so I could make a lot of my own food. Senior year I’m also planning on going off meal plan completely. Here though, I either have to go out for every meal or make instant food in the microwave/with hot water. This can be hard when it’s cold out, or when I’m busy with homework, or when I don’t feel like spending another 30-40元 on a meal. Fortunately, the cafeteria is now open (even though it’s about a 20-minute walk away), and supposedly it’s pretty cheap, so that’ll definitely help.

Having to wait nearly an hour for water to heat up enough to take a shower

In our dorm, we don’t have instantaneous hot water like we do back in the US, so if we want to take a hot shower, we have to turn on the water heater at least an hour before we want to shower in order for it to heat up sufficiently. I don’t like showering at night because going to sleep when my hair is still damp does not do good things for my hair (I showered in the evening last week and then woke up in the morning with all of my hair standing up). If I want to shower before class, I have to wake up at 6 to turn the water on so then I can shower a little after 7. And for someone who takes 5-minute showers, 这是很不方便 (this is not very convenient)!

Not being able to use an American credit card at most stores and restaurants

This one has been quite surprising. I got a travel credit card before I came here for the perk of not having transaction fees, and I assumed that I’d probably be able to use it at most stores and restaurants. However, every place that I’ve been to so far (from Walmart to the convenience store) has only taken Chinese cards. I’m going to delve into this issue in a later post, but it’s for sure not the most convenient to use cash everywhere I go.

However, while these things are inconvenient, I’ve always been one to go with the flow, so I’m making adjustments in my expectations/normal ways of living in accordance with these (mostly) minor hassles. This whole trip is supposed to be a learning experience after all!

In my next post, I’ll go into more detail about my weekly schedule and what my classes are like, and I’ll talk more about what it’s like to have to speak Chinese nearly all the time, so stay tuned!

xoxo 梅迪~

#nanjing #china #semester abroad #study abroad

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ficsforfangirls · 6 years

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Favorite Fanfiction (That I’ve Written)

A Tomco where Star accidentally gives Marco hypothermia and calls upon Tom to keep him warm while she finds a cure.I’m going to link some of my favorite fanfiction - that I’ve written. I’ve decided to link my Top 10 Faves out of a total of 108 fanfiction stories between my Fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own profiles. I do have some stories that are on both platforms, but there are plenty of stories that are exclusive to either website. Not all of my work on there is perfect, I’ve not always edited my work and I’ve been doing this for 12 years (though I think the oldest work I’ve left posted is from 2011). As I’ve gotten older, the work quality has improved, but that being said - this list is going to be the stories I’m most proud of and felt the happiest with when I was finished writing them.

So I’ll tag the story, include the fandom and the summary below the linked title. These are in no particular order. I will also have a small, bolded explanation why each story has made it onto this list. 1. A Hazard to Myself

(Harry Potter, Post-War)

This song!fic inspired by "Don't Let Me Get Me" by P!NK showcases Draco Malfoy reflecting with and talking to his psychiatrist - because he's not handling life after the war very well. TW: Mentions of alcohol abuse and self-harm, only in passing with absolutely no details of those acts.

This piece is one of those stories where the ending line was so powerful to me, and that song meant so much to me growing up, that I can’t ever read it without getting chills. Perhaps it could have been written better with fewer constraints, but the impact of it doesn’t change for me. This story always moves me every time I revisit it.

2. Dear Reader

(Harry Potter, Golden Era)

(5th Year - Assumed/Slight AU) Hermione decides the Hogwarts Library needs a piece of Muggle literature. Even though she doesn't expect anyone to find it, let alone respond to it, she is surprised when it is sent back to her within a couple of days – and with a letter, wouldn't you believe it? {rated based on future chapters}

This was the first wildly popular story I’d done in my fanfiction career. I even entered it into a contest to have it published after reworking it as an original piece. However, I was naive at the time and I didn’t edit it enough to get the votes. Still, it remains one of my favorites because I took something I loved from two different stories and made it my own so much so that it was wildly well received. I will always be proud of what I accomplished with this story.

3. Forever & Always, Clara

(Doctor Who, 12th Doctor)

This piece is a letter written to the Doctor as a means for Clara to say a proper and final farewell to the man who has so radically defined her life.

This was just a personal piece. I didn’t write it for any particular reason other than I was inspired to do so. I loved these characters together and by themselves separately. Losing them on the show was difficult and I wanted a more solid closure. I wrote this entirely for myself but I felt that, despite the distinct lack of popularity, it was still a good piece all together.

4. I Don’t F-cking Care

(Carry On)

This fanfiction depicts the struggles that Simon Snow and Baz Grimm-Pitch experience in their relationship that starts with them being enemies, how their timing is never quite right, and big life changes that force them to reassess what truly matters when it comes to their love for each other. ! Please review disclaimer thoroughly prior to reading this piece to avoid triggers !

Thanks to my good friend @ouranose - I got into the Carry On fandom. I had already read Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell, so it wouldn’t have been long before I got into it on my own, but she jumpstarted the process. It’s been a great time, of course, and one of my comfort fandoms now. What I really enjoyed about this one was that it was dark and imperfect and realistic and true to the blurry nature of their relationship. It’s one of the longest one-shot pieces I’ve ever written, and for that reason alone, on of those stories I’ll never forget. I put a lot of work into it and I think it shows.

5. Library Kisses

(Harry Potter, Golden Era)

This story details the romance of Hermione and Harry after a late night kiss through the Battle of Hogwarts. Hermione, Harry and Ron learn about each other and evolve as couples and friends along the way. Rated T, but may contain some M chapters.

Yikes? I shouldn’t start this by saying ‘yikes’ about the story. I wrote this many years ago, when I was very young (18 years old, just out of high school). I had a child in high school and drew heavily on the experience of being an intelligent woman who made a mistake and incorporated that into this story. It diverts from the canon quite a bit, but with this being the oldest story I’ve written available online, I think it shows that I’ve always had the skill and the drive to pursue writing as career opportunity. I love to do this, and despite my many pitfalls as an 18-year-old writer, this story has 73,368 views anyway. It is still, to this day, my third most popular story on Fanfiction.net and I’m okay with that because we should always be proud of where we started.

6. Little Talks

(Merlin, BBC)

This fic follows Merlin and Morgana from the first day they begin to fall in love until their first day together in the afterlife. Based off of the song by Of Monsters and Men. Rated T For - Brief death scene, suggestive adult themes.

Hands down, this has got to be favorite fanfiction piece that I’ve ever written. I was trying to do a lot with this story, and I think I was successful in most every front, though I wish I had edited it better at the time. It started out as a passion project and ended up being a comfort one. I hated the way Merlin ended and felt that I could write a better story - which wasn’t the first time I had ever felt that way, but the first time I ever executed those emotions to do something. It’s not my most popular piece, having written this towards the end of the Merlin fandom’s lifespan, but it doest rank among the top 10 pieces with the most traffic. I felt very connected to the song, the show, and the outline of this story. It’s also the first piece of fanfiction my husband ever read and felt was done better than the show (which is hard to do because he’s a canon-only-verse kind of guy). I’ll never not love this story.

7. Just One Yesterday

(Supernatural)

I've been hiding from him. I don't even think of him by name. I miss him but now that I'm a monster I don't think I can ever be close to him again. I am so afraid of the consequences of implicating him any further... But I just can't stop being there for him... I need him... {T for moderate violence; regular swearing; major character death}

This is yet another passion piece. I had outlined it during my lunch breaks at work, or when I was waiting for X, Y, or Z to finish loading on the computer. Am I proud to have done this is stolen moments? Not really. But the outcome is an emotional piece that I think really captured how I’ve always felt about the ship (Destiel). The stats for this piece are abysmal, but that means nothing to me because I felt awesome about the story I was telling.

8. In The Summer...

(Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus)

The seasons used to mean something very different to Nico, but those days are gone. And he wants Percy Jackson to know that he's moved on.

This is a poem that I wasn’t even meant to write. I had asked a friend to write it (That’s @ouranose again because she’s pretty much the only friend I’ve got). But in the end, she lost the lines she had crafted for it, I think, and it fell off the metaphorical production board. When we started this PJO/HOO series of poems, I took on the task instead because I loved the idea of it so much. I did much better than I expected, having never written anything substantial for PJO/HOO before, and for that reason I’ll always be proud of the way I show the changing of feelings towards someone that you used to love.

9. Make Memories

(Girl Meets World)

Excerpt/Summary: Shawn and Katy decide that Maya should make memories before her senior year of high school. They decide to send her to a camp out of state for six weeks so that she can experience life that is different from the city.

Lucas decides that it's time to do something for himself. After seeing an article about a six week camp out of state he decides to register and take a chance.

Unfortunately, Maya finds herself shacking up with an all-too familiar face after a transcription error by the receptionist of the camp.

“They thought your name was Luna?” Maya questions.

Goodness, where do I even start? After I had my son, I found a book a few years afterward and it was about a pregnant teenager who has to make the decision to have a baby or have an abortion. There’s so much more to the book and I loved reading it, but I drew from that story a bit to craft this Girl Meets World piece that allowed me to really be original more than most any other piece I’ve ever done. It is popular enough for a dead fandom, still getting more views and kudos every week at a slow rate. I was just proud that I could take elements from both of these shows that I loved and craft a romance that was focused on the emotional aspect of loving someone without making it too sexualized.

10. An Untitled Tomco

(Star vs. The Forces of Evil)

A Tomco where Star accidentally gives Marco hypothermia and calls upon Tom to keep him warm while she finds a cure.

I have never watched a single episode of Star vs. The Forces of Evil. Someone made a request for me to write it and I researched the characters and the ship. I wanted to craft this believable story seamlessly, as if I had seen it and knew all there was to know. And, by some miracle, it worked! This is one of the most popular stories on my Archive of Our Own despite not having been there nearly as long as the three others that surpass it’s viewership. I felt that I had done very good work and made the most of the research that I had done to craft this story. It’s one of those experiences that reminded me that I’m more than capable as a writer and that I can do anything when I’ve set myself to it.

#fanfiction #fanfiction recommendation #self promo #shameless plug #fanfic recs #harry potter #star vs the forces of evil #superantural #doctor who #carry on #girl meets world #merlin #percy jackson #heroes of olympus

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katieamazeballs · 6 years

Text

MVP Recap

Ok, guys.....sorry this is late but I 100% waited until today to do this because #1 It’s faster to type it on the computer than on the phone and #2 I’m now getting paid to do this. (Who’s the real winner here). Also....I can post this with a fancy page break so it doesn’t hog everyone’s feed. But before the break....have a pic......

(As per my now usual.....I will post about my experience more than the dances, because you can find those online or will be seeing them yourselves.)

To start off the day, I finally got to meet My Girl and it was AMAZING! We met at her hotel then went to dinner. As we predicted, the girls were instant besties and so were we. (I love it when a plan comes together). When we got to dinner the girls sat with My Girl and I sat with her hysterical mom, Nonna. We had good food and good conversation and it was really nice to have a meal with “my people” and discuss DWTS the entire time. The best part, however, was Nonna telling me no less than 7 times “I don’t like-ah that Maks. He’s a jerk”. (read that in a thick Italian accent).

(Abbie killed it with this selfie)

After dinner, we found our way to the theater. I was no help, of course, because I don’t do downtown even though I’ve lived here for 34 of my 38 years. As we were looking for parking we saw the buses straight ahead, lining both sides of the street. We saw Ivan outside smoking (wtf dude) and JT. Once we parked, moved the car to a different spot, and took selfies, we made our way to the theater. As we were walking up we saw a guy with big girly hair standing by Val’s bus talking on the phone. We were all like “OMG....is that Val?!?!”. The girls and I started booking it and got closer, that wasn’t Val but OMG HOLY CRAP he was right there in front of us!! We attempted to approach him and the worlds grumpiest security guard stopped us in our tracks.

(Seriously.....look at her looking at me like I’m gonna rush him or something! Trust me when I say she plays a theme throughout the night and imagine that face any time I mention “Bitchy Security Guard” or “BSG”.)

Well.....Val didn’t take too kindly to his fans being treated that way and told us to come take pics but that we had to do it quick because he needed to get inside to get ready. I have to say....much like Brandon, pictures do not do this man justice. He is really really really good looking in person. I mean REALLY. Gahdamn, Valentin.

(Notice the guy in the red flannel who is NOT Maks and will not be Maks at any point in the evening no matter how many times we thought he was)

Y’all be proud of Abbie.....she was given strict instructions of things she was banned from saying (I hate Jenna because she STOLE you from me.....and You used to be my favorite but now you’ve been replaced because Jenna STOLE YOU). Girl handled herself like the sane fangirl we all knew she could be and didn’t even cry.

(Notice the death grip she has on him)

She showed him her purse and “may” have scared him a tad. He went “Whoa!”

(She keeps shirtless Val in the center.....because Mama ain’t raising no fool)

After we met Val.....and I failed to remember that I was lugging his book around in my damn purse and forgot to get it signed (I win at life, I swear), we were told exactly where we were allowed to stand and if we so much as took a deep breath, BSG reminded us that we weren’t allowed to move from that spot. Then she would sigh and roll her eyes at us. We tried to see other cast but it was getting chilly and windy (scroll back up and look at the chick’s pony in the pic of BSG) and it was getting closer to show time so they were all inside. Before we left we did get to see Katie the Nanny taking Shai from the venue to the bus. He is freakin adorable! His little curls and his little wave to his adoring fans were on point! I do not have a picture of this because #1 It happened super quick and #2 It’s not my baby and that’s kindof weird and intrusive and BSG was still side eying us and I’m pretty sure she would have taken my phone and deleted all the pics or something in retaliation. She was seriously bitchy and hated her job.

We got inside the venue and hit the merch stand. We all got our shirts (to my surprise, Abs picked the white tour tee instead of the Team Val tee). We found our way upstairs, got drinks, and found our seats. They were pretty decent seats except for we had to sit forward to see the very front of the stage if they laid down (a few times) and couldn’t see them picking the people out of the audience. The show was, of course, amazing. In my opinion, it was better than the DWTS show. Those Chmerkovskiy’s can dance!!!! I’ve heard that Peta is amazing live, but that doesn’t do her justice. She truly is the queen and literally commands the stage when she’s on it. There were moments of great group numbers, moments of hilarity (the dad dance and the stripper section), and gut wrenching serious moments. It really does tell a story through dance and we all loved it. What you probably don’t see in the YouTube videos of the dad dance is Kiki has twins. Abs is still laughing about those twins and when the baby sneezes and Maks yells “It got in my eye!”. During the Chippen Val/Magic Maks section they pull up the lady out of the audience. Let me tell you.....that lady was living her best life. She was so funny! Throughout the show we were annoyed by the group behind us. There were about 8 or 10 of them and they talked the entire show. I’m not talking quiet respectful whispers.....these bitches were straight up chit chatting. I did giggle at one point because the oldest of them was totally Team Nonna. They were doing their first talking section and this chick pipes up with “I’ve always hated Maks.....he’s such an arrogant jackass”. During the super emotional break up section....it was so quiet in there you could hear a pin drop. I had been annoyed the entire show, but at this point I started to get a little concerned that because it was so quiet in there (that section is riveting) that Maks and Peta would actually hear these bitches trying each others wine in an attempt to figure out which one had the tastiest. Seriously y’all.....they were SO LOUD! At this point, I turned around and said “PLEASE stop talking!”. They shushed to heated whispers through the rest of the show but if one of us so much as looked at each other they’d say “NO TALKING!”. At the end of the show they got up and left during the final bows (seriously the rudest group of drunk bitches ever). I booked it out after the show to pee. Abs didn’t have to so she went to stand outside of the bathroom to wait for the rest of our group. I hear “That’s HER!” and look over and these bitches were WAITING for me to come out of the theater! They start yelling “We are at a concert!!! Talking is expected in this type of situation! And you were rude too!!!” (of note....no one ever said they were rude) Abs is looking at me with huge eyes and I was like “Wait...how was I rude! You know what...never mind....Abbie get over here!”. I drug her into the bathroom still completely appalled at their behavior. Be proud that I was an adult and didn’t engage. Once all of our group was done, and these bitches are still standing there waiting, we just kind of grabbed the girls put our heads down and booked it out of there.

We got outside and went to stand by the buses again. BSG was still manning her post and was quite possibly in an even worse mood than before. She seriously hates fans. She should probably look into different employment. Thankfully we had a different security guard posted to our standing area. He was funny and nice and roughly the size of a mountain range. He didn’t seem to be that huge of a guy but he had a chest and shoulders that somehow blocked the entire sidewalk. He also must know us (is our picture up in these venues or something) because dude kept a super close eye on Abs. She must have looked shifty to him. He’s a smart man and I wish I would have taken a pic with him. We stood there and stood there and stood there some more. We had met Val, but wanted to talk to him again (because my damn book) and Makayla really wanted to meet Peta. My goal was to meet Val (for Abs of course....ha) and meet either Maks or Peta to personally give them Shai’s hat. Peta came out loaded down with bags and went to the bus. She came back out and headed our way to go into a different door (probably to get food, they all went in there) and said she’d come back. While we were waiting, we saw quite a few of the dancers coming out. Ivan was standing there talking to a crew member and since no one else would pipe up I yelled his name. He waved and I asked for a picture. He was super nice and came over (Mt. Everest was amused by this).

After meeting him, both girls (and the rest of the small crown of about 15-20) were oohing and aahing over how good he smelled and I realized that my damn sinuses are still acting up and I didn’t smell anything. I thought back to meeting Val (when both girls had the same reaction) and I thought my lack of smelling him was just because we caught him before the show and he wasn’t freshly showered.....apparently my inconspicuous deep breaths when I was standing with him were just fail. I’m super salty about this. Seriously.....I may not ever be ok with the fact that I didn’t smell Val. Shortly after we met Ivan, we saw Emily standing there. She also came over when I got her attention and asked for a picture. Mt. Everest was again amused by me while the others were plotting how they could always manage to be by me at bus meets because I not only recognized everyone by name, but was brave enough to call them over.

I think it was at this point that My Girl’s girl was attempting to convince her mom that they should come to Jax to do all tours with me and Abs.......I don’t think she was successful. Lol. At some point in this process, we saw JT a few more times. I really wanted to get a pic with him. I yelled his name and he threw a half hearted wave, then looked over and said “Oh Hey” and waved harder. He did not come over for a picture. He must actually have recognized me....he was like “Yep...that’s a nope all day long, that bitch is cray”. He has since been relieved of his best friend duties....but it’s ok because Nicole and Alyssa (Serge’s gf) have agreed that they are better choices anyways.

Finally.....the queen emerged and came right over to our group. She is strikingly beautiful in person and so so so tiny. She could probably share clothes with Abs! I gave her a hug and told her I had made a gift for Shai for his morning inspections. She laughed and then peeked in the bag. She awe’d and thought it was adorable! (Totally winning at life here).

She chit chatted with our group for a bit and talked about how they had had to adjust and reblock that day because the stage was a tight squeeze (which explains all the rehearsal stories) and lamented the weird lights outside that went from normal to pink to red (which is why the pics are kindof weird). Abs asked where Maks was and she laughed and said she had no idea and that she hadn’t seen him since bows. As she left she thanked me again for the hat and said she’d post it on insta. I’m really hoping he’ll wear it (toddlers are iffy on hats....and all things really) but I’m pretty sure she’ll post it some how if he won’t wear it.

(Of note....I could smell her.....she smells like a girl.....flowery lotion. It makes me more salty)

We waited a bit longer and still no sign of Maks or Val. It was getting late and even more chilly and windy and we decided to call it quits at 11. The time came and after me having to snap at Abs (she is a determined fangirl), we made our exit with the agreement that one of the remaining group would watch us until we got to the corner and they’d yell Maks’ name real loud so we could come running back. Mt. Everest thought this was hysterical and kept waving to us while we walked off looking back every 5 seconds. We made our way back to the hotel, I was again no help because while I can confidently get myself home from downtown....the hotel was on the other side of the river and I had no idea how to get there. The girls were passed out approx 37 seconds into the drive home. When we got there Nonna popped out of the van and looked down and saw her shirt button was undone. She goes “Oh look at me, all naked!” I died. She is the best and I might steal her. We sadly said our goodbyes and Abs and I headed home. After I got home (about 11:45) I went to check and saw @loveisstatic was the lone hold out and got to meet Maks. I bet she really got the wrath of BSG for waiting so long. (Girl...you gotta vouch for me on BSG....she was serious!) All in all, we had the absolute best time and I can’t wait to do it again.....next year.....after my wallet stops crying.

#mvp tour #confidential tour #the best night

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save-the-cronch · 7 years

Text

Sincerely Me

Welcome to my fic that is using a title that is overused! Anyways, this is based off a set of one-shots I posted, originally, on my other account.

Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Evan kept his head down as he walked to the school’s computer lab. He had to quickly finish his ‘self-help’ letter before his mom picked him up for his therapy session with Dr. Sherman. Slowly, Evan pushed open the door to the lab and shuffled over to a computer on the right side. Silently, he logged into the computer, found the google chrome search logo, clicked on it, and signed onto his google drive account. He moved the cursor over to the google doc containing his letter. After he clicked on it, he watched as a new paged popped up, and his letter loaded onto the screen. Evan quickly read over the letter, and noticed that he left off with:

Maybe if I could just talk to her. Maybe, nothing would be different at all.

He silent thought for a second, tapping his fingers on the table. Eventually, he began to type out the last part.

I wish everything was different. I wish I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean, let’s face it, would anyone even notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?

He stopped typing briefly. Evan knows this isn’t what his therapist had in mind for him to write. These letters are supposed to say the good things in life, but when there aren’t any good things, why make it up? Why not just tell the damn truth? No one would even care anyways.

Sincerely, your best and dearest friend, me.

Suddenly, his phone began to ring. Evan fumbled with it in his pocket. He quickly checked the caller ID and was relieved to see it was his mom calling him.

“H-hello?” He asked. Evan has always hated phone calls, can't stand them. Even though it was just his mom calling, he still stumbled on his words.

“Evan, I’m not going to be able to bring you to your appointment. They needed extra help at the hospital and I was the only one on duty. Also right afterward I’m going to class, there are leftovers in the fridge for dinner.” Heidi Hansen rushed her words as if she really needs to get back to work. Which, Evan assumed, she probably does.

God, Evan thought, I'm such a burden, she wouldn't need to work so hard if I wasn't around. I have so many problems. She has to spend too much money on my pills and therapy, I hate it.

"O-okay, yeah, I’ll ea-t that.” Even while he says this, Evan knows he won’t.

“Did you finish your letter sweetie?" Evan knows that all his mom wants is for him to get better. However, he also knows that she knows she'd have a better life without him.

“Yeah, I just pr-printed it n-ow.” He says, clicking on the little printer button on the top right of the screen.

“That’s fantastic sweetie. I’ve gotta go now, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Totally fantastic. Except for the fact that his letter basically states that he wants to just disappear and never come back.

Evan nods his head but then realizes she probably couldn’t even see him. Stupid. “Okay, love you.”

“Love you too honey.” And with that, she hangs up the phone.

Evan sighs once again, and then, he stands up to go and grab his letter. Before he can even take a step, Connor Murphy appears in front of him. Oh great. Evan really hopes he's still not mad about this morning. Connor had thought that Evan laughed at him, and so he shoved him to the ground. However, what had really happened was that Evan didn't laugh at him, He would never laugh at him. He would never laugh at anyone really. Evan was just nervous, and so he let out a nervous chuckle. Because of this, Evam have a mental freak out moment. He still didn’t know if Connor’s here to yell at him some more or what but he was absolutely terrified.

“Evan? Right?” Connor asks, looking Evan up and down, then into his eyes. Evan shivered slightly and nodded. Evan didn't shiver because Connor was scary, he's actually really pretty. Like his sister, Zoe. Wait, not the time Evan. Shut up. Evan looked back at him, and he noticed something. Connor seemed like he was trying to tell Evan something, but then seems to think better if it and instead says, “How’d you break your arm?”

It was an easy question to answer, Evan had practiced the answer many times, but he still stuttered.

“Oh, uh, I f-fell. Out of a tr-tree.” Evan stuttered out, picking at the hem of his shirt. Evan hates lying, but he didn't want people to see how broken he really was.

“Well, that’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Oh my god!” He laughs out.

Oh, how wonderful. Evan thinks. Now I'm an even bigger loser.

Evan nodded, “Yeah, uh, yeah.”

Connor glances at Evan’s cast, and he seems to notice no one has signed it.

Shit, now I not just a loser, but a friendless loser. Evan doesn’t know how this could get any worse.

“No one’s signed your cast.” Connor points out as if Evan hadn’t already realized no one liked him.

“Yeah, uh, I kn-know.” Evan just wishes he could stop stuttering, dammit!

“I’ll sign it.” Connor offers, probably pitying Evan. Defiantly pitying him. Most people did.

“Oh, you, you don’t have to.” Evan mentally hits himself, what is he doing? He needs his mom to think he actually talked to people. Why is he telling him no?

Connor ignores him and He holds out a hand, expecting a sharpie. Thank God he's persistent.

Evan nods his head and then stuffed his hand into his pocket. He pulled out the unused sharpie and handed it to the taller boy.

He grips Evan’s hand and tugs it towards him. “Ow,” Evan mumbled.

“Sorry,” Connor seemed to have pushed it out. As if he's not used to saying sorry. Connor quickly scrawls out his name, filling up half of the blonds cast with it.

“Oh, thanks,” Evan said, with a kind of sarcastic, sort of thankful, and a bit of wanting to get the hell out of there asap tone of voice. Thankfully though, Connor doesn’t seem to notice and smiles at the shorter boy. However, it’s more of a grimace. He then takes a piece of paper from his bag and lifts it up.

“Is this yours? I saw it at the printer. ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ You're last name is Hansen, right?”

“Uh, yeah that’s mine, um, th-thanks.” Evan reached to take it, but Connor pulls back.

“Because there’s Zoe? What the hell,” He whispers this, seemingly confused, and Evan begins to freak out. Once again.

“C-connor, please give that ba-back.”

“You did this on purpose!” Connor’s yelling now, Evan hopes he can maybe calm him down?

“What?” Very good Evan, ask a fucking question. This is super helpful.

“Yeah, you saw I was the only other person in here so you printed this wanting me to see it.” Evan knows that Connor is totally misunderstanding the situation. Evan also knows that he has no clue on how to deal with this.

“No, I-”

“You were hoping I’d freak out right? So you can tell everyone what a fucking freak I am?”

“No, please-”

“Well FUCK YOU!” The long-haired boy pushed past Evan and runs out of the computer lab. All Evan can do is stare at him as he runs, forgetting that he still has his letter.

“You what?” Jared asks from the other side of the phone, clearly enjoying the situation that Evan had gotten himself into.

“I-I printed my letter out at school and Co-connor saw it. He thought I wanted t-to get him ma-mad! He saw that I me-mentioned Zoe, and-”

“Wait, so he read some crazy sex letter you wrote about his sister? That’s messed up.” Evan starts to really hope that Jared stops laughing soon.

“It wasn’t a sex le-letter Jared! It’s for my therapy-therapist.” Evan is trying to explain this the best he can, but Jared doesn't like to listen. He never listens.

“You write sex letters to your therapist? That's kinky.”

“JARED!”

“Whatever man, but why are you telling me this?” Evan can imagine that Jared is probably lying upside down on his bed, playing video games. He's definitely not paying attention to their conversation at all.

“Because you’re my cl-only family fr-friend.” That's all they’ll ever be because Jared knows that Evan is too much of a weirdo.

“Yeah, okay, I gotta go dude. Good luck with that sex letter!”

“IT’S NOT A-” Before Evan can finish, Jared hangs up the phone. Evan groans, tossing his own phone onto his bed.

How the hell is he supposed to convince Connor Murphy that that letter was meant to cause no harm.

Also, how is he supposed to get it back from him before he tells the whole school? And, once the school knows how will he live through the taunts? No, wait, forget the jokes. Connor is probably gonna kill him.

God Dammit.

Connor stared at the orange bottle in his hand as he sat on his bed. For once it was made, he wanted to feel productive for his last few hours alive. He also had a box filled with all the stuff he had taken from Zoe over the years placed on his desk. He has about an hour before Zoe gets home from jazz band practice, and his mom won’t be home for another two. Connor isn’t sure when his dad will be home, but it’ll probably be late, as usual.

Connor uncaps the bottle and empties all the pills into his open palm. With no more thought, he downs all the pills and lays back onto his bed, waiting for the effects to kick in.

Zoe Murphy usually considers herself a lucky girl. She’s lucky because she made jazz one as a freshman, and sits in the first chair. She’s lucky that she is smart enough to be in most senior classes. She’s lucky that Alana Beck actually considers her a friend. She’s lucky that her brother doesn’t follow through on his death threats.

Zoe Murphy is also lucky that she got out of jazz band earlier than usual. A lot usual. AT least, according to the doctors, she is. Is she had called the ambulance not even five minutes after she had, her brother would have had no chance of survival.

So yeah, Zoe Murphy is a lucky girl. Luck apparently just comes naturally to her, and even though her relationship with Connor has been torn to shreds years ago, she’s glad that she’s luckier than most. Really fucking glad.

“Yo, Evan, did you hear what happened to Murphy last night?” Those are the first words Evan hears out of Jared’s mouth on the second day of school. Evan shuts his locker and looks at his family friend. Jared is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, gripping the straps of his backpack.

“N-no, what happened to-to him?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but you know Calvin Ferrell? Well he lives across from the Murphy’s and he told Kelly Petie who told Kyle Gold who I overheard telling Kevin Lakes that an ambulance showed up at their house around five last night, and Calvin saw Zoe Murphy running out with paramedics pushing a stretcher with Connor laying on it out of the house and into the ambulance. Calvin doesn’t know what happened to him but Connor isn’t at school and neither is Zoe. So obviously it was something really big right? I mean why else would paramedics be there?” Jared is much too enthusiastic about this.

“J-jared! Why do yo-you seem so, so ex-excited? Wh-what if he di-died. That wo-would be te-terr-terrible!” Evan whisper yells.

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it, I mean so what? No one likes him anyway.”

“Jared th-that isn’t nice! You sh-shouldn’t say, say things like that!” Evan remembers how alone he felt this past summer, and knows that whatever Connor was feeling is probably ten times worse than what he feels. He hopes Connor isn’t dead, he decides that if, no when, Connor gets back to school, Evan will try his best to try and brighten the brown haired boy’s day.

“Whatever tree boy, I’m going to class.” Jared shrugged his shoulders and left Evan standing in the hallway by himself. Evan sighs. He knows Jared fakes a lot of how he acts. He just wishes Jared was like he was when they were younger, his actual friend.

Dear Connor Murphy,

I heard about what happened the other week and I want you to know I failed as well, over the summer. You’re not alone.\

Sincerely Me.

Connor stared dumbfounded at the letter in his hands. It was his second day back after being out of school for three weeks, and he had no idea as to why a letter had fallen out of his letter. He was even more confused when he realized the letter was addressed to him and not whoever owned the locker next to him. Then after reading the two sentenced note, he felt something inside him. It wasn’t happiness at being recognized, it was more like relief. Someone out there, though he had no idea who knew in some way how he felt. And who wouldn’t get the smallest spark of hope after realizing that?

Evan watched from around the Corner as Connor neatly folded up the letter and placed it in his hoodie pocket. Then he saw the brown haired boy give a small smile, and Evan couldn’t help but smile as well.

For the next month, Evan continues to write letters to Connor. He writes the letters on Monday and Wednesdays after his homework, then on Tuesday and Thursday mornings he shoves them through the cracks in Connor’s locker. Evan know’s that Connor doesn’t check his locker until after third period, so he knows that he won’t be caught.

Sometimes the letters contain personal information as Evan knows that Connor doesn’t know it’s him, so he’s not worried, for once, about being taunted. Sometimes they just include small things that happen over the week. Usually, the Tuesday letters are the long ones, informing Connor about Evan’s weekend, the Thursday ones usually remind Connor how great he is.

Evan’s noticed that Connor is usually happier on the letter days. He’s also noticed that Connor skips school a lot, but he’s always there on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Connor has gotten a total of six letters so far.

The second one was almost as short as the first, giving Connor one simple tip on calming down.

Dear Connor Murphy,

Counting down from ten is always a great strategy to calm down, in my experience at least. Also, my mom, she does it a lot, especially when my dad tries to contact us. He’s very inconsiderate when he does.

Sincerely, Me

Connor felt like punching this guy’s dad after reading it.

The third letter talked a lot about trees, as did the fifth letter. The fourth told Connor that the mystery guy has a crush on a girl in junior year. He wondered if Zoe knew the girl as the letter never mentioned her name. The sixth letter was longer than usual. It seemed as though Letter Guy, as Connor now calls him, was stressing about something and just couldn’t stop talking. It started out about a math test the kid had, then there was a paragraph on why trees are so important to the environment, then two sentences wondering if Connor liked trees as much as he did, and it ended with five sentences of the guy apologizing as to how long the letter was. Connor thought it was hilarious, and kind of adorable. He kept that letter on his bedside table.

After the next two letters come, and Connor finds himself wondering who the guy is, he realizes that he might actually sort of like him. But he tries to ignore it for two reasons. First, why would this guy like him back, especially since he already likes someone else? Second, Connor doesn’t even know who writes the letter, how can he like someone he doesn’t know. However, Connor does know the letter guy, very well from all the information he writes down. He just doesn’t know his name or what he looks like.

Evan sits behind Connor in math class, which Evan actually quite enjoys. Math is fourth period, which means Connor comes in right after reading Evan’s notes on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. This also means that Evan gets to see the small smile on Connor’s face due to the letters that he receives.Evan always enjoys seeing that smile. It tells him that he was once again successful in making Connor happy. Evan knows that it isn’t a permanent fix, but he also knows that it works for at least an hour. And an hour is better than nothing in his opinion.

After Thanksgiving break, Evan realizes that he hasn’t thought, or written, about Zoe in a month. This really confuses him, how can he go from fawning over the guitar player to never even thinking about her? He isn’t entirely sure.

That is, at least, until the first Thursday of December and Evan catches himself staring at the older Murphy all of math class. At first, Evan tells himself that he was just making sure his letters were still making Connor happy. It wasn’t until Evan was in his room, trying to go to bed while still thinking about the long-haired boy that he shoots up, now fully awake.

“Fuck I like the school shooter.”

Which then leads to Evan actually slapping himself.

“Dammit Evan, stop listening to Jared.”

Evan continues to mutter to himself about the fact that he has just figured out that he is bi. However, he isn’t just bi, no, he’s really really bi for the kid he writes letters to, to make him feel better.

That’s when his mother, Heidi Hansen, Knocks on the door.

“Sweetie are you alright?” She asks, concerned that her son is mumbling to himself at eleven at night.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” Evan shouts back, quickly laying back down.

That night Evan falls asleep with only the thought of Connor Murphy on his mind.

The next letter Connor received he was surprised to see that the mystery writer told him he wasn’t into the junior girl anymore. At that, Connor walked to his math class with a small spring in his step. He knows that the letter boy might not be into guys, but he doesn’t like the junior anymore, he has a slight chance now.

When he gets to math, the kid that sits behind him, Evan Hansen, already has a notebook out. Connor remembers in middle school when he had a small crush on the blond haired kid. He can’t help but hope that Evan was the mystery writer.

Connor spends all of math wondering what Evan’s hand in his would feel like.

When Connor walked into math, Evan couldn’t help but blush at Connor’s happy gait. Evan can’t help but hope that it’s because Evan doesn’t like Zoe anymore, and maybe Connor likes him back. But that’s insane, who would like the wallflower anyway?

Evan spends the rest of the class wondering what Connor’s hair would feel like with Evan’s fingers combing through it.

The week leading up to winter break, Evan can’t stop thinking about what he should get Connor for Christmas. Sure, Evan is Jewish and celebrates Hanukkah, he knows that Connor celebrates Christmas. He only knows this because he overheard Zoe asking Alana to come over on Christmas Eve, as Zoe’s parents apparently want to meet her.

Evan wasn’t sure on what to get Connor until he was at the store with Jared because apparently he needed knew flannel and his mom thought he was ditching Evan. Which, he usually does, but Mrs. Kleinman doesn’t need to know that. Evan had seen a couple black hoodies and remembered that Connor’s were all worn out and faded. Then as he was walking up to the cash register, money already in hand, he saw a bowl full of nail polish and quickly plucked out a black bottle. Connor usually as his nails painted, sure they were almost always chipped, but they were also always black. Black seemed to be his signature color.

Wednesday night, Evan wrapped the gift for Connor, taping his note to the present.

Connor Murphy didn’t go to bed until one am that night. Usually, he’s asleep by 12 on Mondays and Wednesdays, but this time he stayed up. He needed to get it perfect. Sure there was a chance that Mystery Writer didn’t celebrate Christmas, but that’s why Connor is signing the card Happy Holidays instead. It doesn’t need to be a Christmas gift. Just a thank you gift.

Thursday morning, when Evan went to put the gift outside Connor’s locker, he was surprised to see it propped open, and not shut like normal. Curiosity was digging at him, so Evan carefully opened the locker and was even more shocked to see a small wrapped item on the bottom of Connor’s locker. He picked it up, and then he noticed the card, which was addressed to him. Well not him exactly, but it did say To: My Mystery Writer and who else would Connor be calling a mystery writer?

Evan felt a small smile grow on his face as he placed the gift he got Connor on the bottom of his locker, and quickly put the one Connor got him in his bag. He then swiftly shut the locker and made his way to his first class.

After third period, when Connor got to his locker, he was glad to see that Mystery Writer took the gift, he was also happy to find out that he was left a gift as well.

Throughout math class, Evan couldn’t focus. He just stared at Connor’s head. Which probably wasn’t a good idea in hindsight as Finals is the week he gets back from spring break, and he really should be paying attention the review they’re doing. But at that moment, he really didn’t care.

The first thing Evan does when he gets home is putting the gift Connor got him under the small house plant he has on his desk. Even though he doesn’t do Christmas, maybe this one time he can pretend.

When his mom gets home and sees the gift on his desk, she asks where it came from.

“O-oh, well um. There’s this b-boy, C-connor Murphy, and earlier this year he wa-was in the hos-hospital? So, um, I decided to, uh, write him letters. I-I wanted to ma-make him feel good. So, uh, I gu-guess he got me-me a gift?”

“Oh honey, that’s so kind of you! I’m so glad you have another friend!”

Heidi was so excited to see the excitement in her son’s eyes as he talked about Connor.

Evan didn’t have the heart to tell his mom that Connor didn’t know it was him writing the letters, which is how he ended up baking cookies with his mom the day after Hanukkah ended. As soon as they were done, Heidi had already left for work, and Evan was tasked with the job of bringing them over to the Murphy’s place.

Before he left, he found a pen and a piece of paper to quickly scrawl out a note.

Cynthia is a bit confused as to who would be ringing her doorbell at nine at night. She is even more confused when no one is at the door, and she looks down to see a plate of cookies with a note taped to it. She leans down to pick up the plate, walks back inside and shuts the door. When she gets to her kitchen, she plucks the note from the plate and reads it.

Dear Connor Murphy

Have an excellent Christmas

Sincerely Me.

Cynthia can’t help but grin at the fact that Connor has a friend. She can’t remember the last time Connor even talked about a friend. Cynthia places the note back onto the plate, then proceeds to pick the plate up and carry it upstairs to her son’s room.

She knocks twice on the door, and the music that was blaring from inside is turned off. She hears heavy footsteps and then the door opens, revealing her son who seems to not have gotten dressed today. Instead, he is in sweats, a tank top, and has an apron covered in paint over his pajamas.

Cynthia doesn’t fail to notice the hard glare on her son’s face, and so she just holds up the plate.

Connor glances at it, and noticing the note, he picks it up and reads it.

Cynthia also doesn’t fail to notice the small smile and slight blush that Connor suddenly now has, as he takes the plate of cookies and ducks back into his room.

Cynthia can already tell that whoever this new friend is, is a good fit for her boy.

Christmas morning comes, and Evan figures that now is a good time to open Connor’s present. He brings the gift over to his bed. He tears open the wrapping paper and finds a book with a note covering the title.

Dear Mystery Writer

You always talk, or write, about how you love trees, so, here.

Evan flips the paper over and sees a beautifully drown Oak tree on the back. Evan knew Connor drew, as that’s what he does for most of math, but he never knew he could draw so, realistically. Before even glancing at what the title says, Evan gets up to pin the tree to his headboard, smiling proudly at it, before looking at the book.

Evan laughs when he sees it’s the Encyclopedia of Trees.

Connor also sits on his bed as he opens Mystery Writer’s gift. First, he looks at the note that was taped to the gift.

Dear Connor Murphy,

Your sweatshirts seem to have a lot of holes, I didn’t know if it was for comfort or what but I got you a new one. Oh, and I really like your nails so here’s some more polish.

Sincerely me’

Connor can feel the blush already beginning on his cheeks.

He unwraps the gift and instantly notices how soft the two hoodies are. He also decides that he will be using the new nail polish until it ran out. He can also feel his blush deepen and nearly scolds himself for feeling and acting this way. He shouldn’t start to like someone he doesn’t know the name of. He really shouldn’t. But then again, when has he ever done something he should do?

A week after school is back in session, the Kleinmans come over to the Hansen’s place for dinner. When Jared enters Evan’s room, he instantly notices the tree that’s still pinned up, and as Evan was gathering snacks downstairs, it felt only reasonable for Jared to see if he could see who drew it. It certainly wasn’t Evan, as his art skills were no better than Jared, who could only draw cartoon cats and nothing else.

When Jared is close enough to read the signature, he would have spat out his drink, if he was drinking something. Why would Conor Murphy draw Evan Hansen a tree?

When Evan walks back into his room, Jared plays innocent and asks his family friend who drew the tree.

When Evan blushes and says that it’s from Connor Murphy, Jared demands that Evan tells him why Connor drew him a tree.

After Evan is done explaining the letters, Jared can’t stop laughing.

“So first, you write sex letters about his sister, and now you’re writing sex letters about and for him?”

“No! Th-they’re not se-sex letter Jared! An-and I only wro-wrote about him on-once!” Which, was the wrong thing for Evan to say as it throws Jared into another fit of hysterics.

For the next month at school, Jared starts to act differently when he’s around Connor, and Connor severely hopes that Jared isn’t the letter guy as that would mean Connor has a crush on Jared, and he really hopes that isn’t the case.

However, for a slight second Connor is relieved when Jared tells him who the writer is.

Connor was casually reading one of the letters when Jared pops up and says “I see you have another love note from Evan tree boy Hansen.”

At that Connor watches as Jared's eyes widen and he quickly leaves. It takes a second for the brand new information to kick in, but then Connor realizes that the cute dorky kid that sits behind him in math. The kid he’s always had a small crush on. The kid he silently hoped was the mystery writer, is actually the mystery writer, and Connor doesn’t remember the last time he was this happy.

Evan was just about to walk out of school when he suddenly heard someone calling his name. He turned to see Connor Murphy running to catch up with him.

“Evan, can we talk? Now?”

Evan isn’t sure why Connor wants to talk to him, but being who he is, he gives a simple nod and lets Connor lead him to the tree that he usually sits under during lunch.

“So, uh, Jared told me you were the one writing letters to me. Is, uh, is that true?” Connor seems nervous and a little hopeful. Evan isn’t sure why.

“H-he told yo-you?”

Connor nods.

“OhgodI’msosorryIprobablywasn’tthepersonyouwantedtpbewritingyouletters. Sorry.”

“Uh, could you repeat that.”

Evan takes in a large breath of air before repeating his previous statement. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I probably wasn’t the person you wanted to be writing you letters. Sorry.” Evan’s nervous that Connor hates him now, and really doesn’t want that. He wants to be friends with him, especially since that’s the closest he can probably get to Connor liking him back.

“No! I’m glad it’s you. You’re probably the nicest kid in school, anyone else I would think was making fun of me. I just wanted to say thanks. So, uh, thanks.” And with that, Connor dashes away from Evan.

The next day at school, Evan is surprised to see a note flutter to the ground after opening his locker. He bent down to pick it up and is happy to find that the letter is from Connor.

From that day onwards, Evan and Connor correspond with letters for each other. They both want to talk outside these letters, be friends in real life as well.

In February Connor finally lets himself fall completely in love with the blond haired boy. However, he doesn’t tell anyone, especially Evan. Either way, Evan likes someone else. Sure, they have some of the same features, but there are plenty of kids at their school with brown hair. And the way Evan describes his crush? Definitely not him. One letter Connor received was all about this crush. Apparently, he has beautiful brown hair, gorgeous blue eyes with a small bit of brown in the left, and a face that was crafted by God himself.

Sure, Connor has brown hair, but so does half the student body. And yes, Connor has a bit of brown in his left eye, but so does Jared Kleinman and this other kid in his AP lit class. And Connor’s face was most definitely not crafted by God. No way in hell.

So yeah, Connor accepted that he likes Evan. Like, a lot. But he’s also accepted that Evan will never like him back. And that’s okay. Or so Connor tells himself.

It isn’t until mid-March that Evan asks Connor if he wants to go grab ice cream on Friday after school.

Connor replies back with a no shit and his phone number.

After school, Connor drove Evan to A la mode, his favorite ice cream place, and they hung out at Evan’s house until Connor left at eleven at night, running into Heidi Hansen, who was thrilled to finally meet the boy her son speaks so highly of. She then asked Connor for his mom’s number so she could talk to her.

Both moms were ecstatic to hear about their sons hanging out.

They were also happy to talk to each other about them.

Both boys had a blush on their faces for an hour afterward.

And both of them fell asleep with the other on their minds, once again.

For the last two and a half months of school, Connor and Evan are practically attached at the hip. Evan was at Connor’s house for Easter since Evan doesn’t celebrate it and his mom was working. Then, they skip prom and just hang out at Connor’s house watching 80’s movies. They fell asleep on the couch, Evan’s head on Connor’s shoulder, and Connor’s head on Evan’s head.

At the end of senior year, Evan informs Connor that he didn’t apply to any schools so that he could take a gap year and save up for school for a while longer. Connor decides then and there to just not go to college until Evan goes. Connor doesn’t want to be alone, he’s not good at making friends, and to get through life he just really needs one. He got lucky with Evan. He doesn’t think he will get as lucky again.

Evan gets a job at the Pottery Barn, and Connor works at the Michael's next door. They always share their lunch breaks together, and they carpool to work as Evan doesn’t like to drive, and Connor does. Plus it means more time being together, and neither of them will pass up that opportunity.

That winter, Connor, and Evan were at Evan’s house. Heidi was at work, taking on the night shift and wouldn’t be home until early the next morning. The boys took advantage of that situation and broke out a bottle of bourbon to share as they watched Lord of the Rings.

By the time they were on the second movie, both of them had a pretty good buzz going on.

And both boys were a little Childish when drunk.

“Hey, hey Evan.” Connor whispers, giggling.

“What?” After there’s a slight pause, Evan asks again, “Co-connor, what?”

“Oh! Oh right! I wanted to tell you something.” Connor isn’t giggling anymore, but he still has a large smile adorning his face.

“And?”

“It’s very important. I’ve know for a while now. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was nervous. Haha, I’m kind of nervous now, but like, less than usual. You know?”

“Co-con, just to-tell me. Please?”

“Oh right! I haven’t said it yet! Well, I like you!”

“I know th-that Con! That’s why we-we’re best fri-friends!”

“No! I mean I love you! Like, I want to date you and kiss you! All the time. But I don’t cause I don’t think you’d like that.”

“Well, th-that’s not true Co-con! I want to kiss you all the time too!”

“Really?” Connor’s very surprised, but also extremely happy.

“Ye-yeah!”

“Then, can I kiss you?”

Evan answers with a swift nod and Connor grabs Evan’s shirt collar and pulls him in for a sweet kiss, that’s long overdue.

When they pull back, neither of the boys have their eyes opened all the way. They’re both smiling, and they’re both still gripping onto each other.

Evan goes in for another kiss, and they fall back onto the couch, kissing lazily until they fall asleep, Evan on top of Connor, arms, and legs tangled, smiles still on their faces.

When Heidi comes home, she promptly ignores the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. Instead, she grabs a blanket from the basket by the TV and spreads it over her son and his new boyfriend. She smiles as she takes out her phone to send a picture to Cynthia, telling her that she expects the twenty bucks the next time they go out for coffee together.

She also decides that she’ll talk to the boys about the bottle after she congratulates them.

58 notes · View notes

killer-barnes · 7 years

Text

Helpless

Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Peter meets the Reader at Homecoming and things ensue from there.

Word Count: 3723

Warnings: language, puppy love Peter, kissing (on le cheek), this is just a major load of fluff (you have been warned), love at first sight (aka rushed).

A/N: Allllright, I feel so bad that it has taken me THIS long to post something. It’s been a messy last couple of weeks, so thanks for staying with me! I hope you enjoy anon, and I hope I did the song justice! *Also if this is close to anyone else’s fic, that wasn’t my intention. Forgive me pls (you can ask me to change/take it down if need be). (P.S. Y’ALL THIS GIF PART OF THE MOVIE THO) Enjoy!

Based on the song ‘Helpless’ from Hamilton (upon request).

Listen to the song here

High school is one of those things you either hate or enjoy. It’s not that Peter necessarily “hated” high school, he just had troubles of fitting in the right crowd, talking to girls, and never failing any class he’s taken throughout his high school career, so far. In a way, it’s like college. In order to get the full experience and get yourself out there, people always say to join clubs, take interesting classes, and go to events. Peter, however, being the shy, awkward teenager he is, never really felt like putting himself out there as much as he should of. Yeah, he was apart of a few clubs, but after a while, he wasn’t as interested as he was when he joined.

He had joined them merely because Ned forced him to be apart of something, even if it was beyond nerdy. Peter was glad Ned gave him a little nudge, but at the same time, he just wanted to go home with Aunt May and play some stupid video game or update the latest computer he’s been working on.

But the worst thing of all to him is not just fitting in, or being ignored by his crush. It’s school dances that terrify him. One in particular was creeping up the corner and it’s one that everyone goes to.

Homecoming.

Ned of all people know about Peter’s inevitable fear of going to school dances. They’ve been to plenty in middle school and each have had their fair share of horrible experiences, Peter’s definitely outweighing Ned’s by a long shot. He knows it’s ridiculous to be “afraid” of dances, but everyone has their weird fears, right? Peter knew that Ned would talk about this year’s Homecoming, but wouldn’t pressure Peter into going if he wasn’t comfortable with it.

Walking out of calculus with his backpack hanging loosely off his shoulder, Peter heads towards his locker to grab some extra books before heading to the cafeteria for lunch. Keeping his head low and trying to avoid any lurking bullies, Peter makes it through the line in the cafeteria and heads to his usual table where Ned is already there, intently reading some random comic book he keeps stashed in his backpack.

“You’re seriously reading that again, dude? What’s that, like, the 12th time now?” Peter questioned as he took a seat across from his best friend.

Ned scoffs, “excuse you, the Spiderman comics are beyond genius. You’re just jealous of his smoothness and agility.”

Rolling his eyes, Peter takes a bit of his food, but quickly chokes as he sees Liz set up the Homecoming sign in his direction. Sensing Peter’s staring and gawking, Ned directs his attention towards Peter’s.

“So… Homecoming?” Ned asks, with amusement in his voice.

For the past few high school dances, the both of them usually hang at each other’s place and play random video games or rebuild different lego Star Wars sets until they can’t stay awake any longer.

Whipping his head back, Peter widens his eyes, “w-what? N-No! I was looking at Liz. I-Is that a new top? I think it’s a new top…”

Ned turns his gaze towards Liz, “hmm, no. I think she’s worn it before. I remember the pattern… Hey! You should ask her to Homecoming!”

With that, Peter stares back at Ned with flying emotions, he think he might faint.

“Are you serious, Ned? No way in hell am I ever going to be able to do that! Who do you think I am, some sort of smooth-talking Spiderman?!”

“Eh, it was worth a shot,” Ned chuckles.

Walking out of their last period, Ned and Peter head towards their lockers to pack up for the end of the day and grab the necessary books they need for homework. Peter couldn’t wait to get home and relax. He barely got any sleep last night due to his constant building of tech and rambling of unnecessary thoughts. A slam of a locker next to him brought Peter out of his head as he and Ned begin the trek to his apartment to work on some homework and possibly bust out a new video game they’ve been dying to play.

As Ned and Peter make their way towards Peter’s apartment, they stop by the Deli-Grocery on the corner a few steps away from his place. After ordering themselves their specialty sandwiches, they grab a few packets of candy. Once they’ve paid, they continue on their way until they arrive at Peter’s.

“Aunt May! I’m home and have Ned with me,” Peter shouted, while throwing his backpack on the empty couch.

Hearing nothing in return, he assumed she was out shopping for dinner tonight. Ned followed Peter as they made their way towards his room. It’s nothing too big, just a quaint room with a window, desk, and bunk bed. Peter didn’t need much to have fun.

“Alright, dude. I know we’ve been waiting, like, forever to build the Death Star, so guess what I brought…” Ned sang, as he slowly pulled out the container from his backpack.

Peter gasped. “Dude, what?! No way! Your mom let you get it? Hell yeah. Wanna build it now?”

“Well, YEAH. Let’s do it!” Ned exclaimed, opening the package quickly.

After about a few hours of geeking out over the Death Star and finishing almost all the packets of sweets, Peter and Ned completed the Lego set. Both utterly content with the time spent. As they were talking about which ship is better in the movies, the front door opened.

“Peter! I’m home, but I didn’t have time to get dinner, so want to go to that Thai restaurant inste-”

Aunt May stopped as she approached Peter’s door, realizing Ned and him were hanging out. Opening it, she saw a completed lego set and a few scattered candy packages.

“Oh, hey May!” Ned smiled.

“I should’ve expected you to be over here! Would you like to join Peter and I for some Thai?” Aunt May asked, glancing towards Peter.

“A-Actually Ned has a project to do, so he can’t stay, right Ned?” Peter quickly replied, glaring at Ned’s stare towards his aunt.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow at school. Bye May!” Ned sighed, as he left the apartment.

“Alright, Pete. Let’s go get some dinner,” Aunt May sighed, picking up her purse from the kitchen counter.

“So, how’s school going? How’s that academic decathlon?” Aunt May inquired, taking a bite from her Thai.

She is met with silence as she see’s a tired Peter moving his fork around in his food. He’s too inside his own head to hear her questions.

“Peter.”

Snapping his eyes up, he looks at Aunt May who is giving him a concerned look.

“W-What? Sorry.”

Sighing, she glances towards her plate. “Are you doing okay? I just wanted to know how school was going.”

Rubbing a hand across his face, he mumbles, “yeah, everything’s fine. Just been lacking some sleep lately. A lot is going on at school right now.”

“Hmm, I see. Remember to take care of yourself Pete. You shouldn’t work yourself too hard, okay?”

With a nod of his head, they fall back into a silence for a few minutes.

“Hey, isn’t Homecoming this weekend?” Aunt May questioned.

With a groan and roll of his eyes, Peter grunted a low ‘yes’.

‘Well, are you going to go?”

“Uh, n-no. I don’t really fee-”

“What?! No. You have to go, Peter! It’s a blast. Bring Ned with you!” Aunt May exclaimed, slightly angry he doesn’t want to go. “Be one with the teens!” she added.

Covering his face with his hands, he groans at her humorous enthusiasm.

“Great, first Ned. Now, you? I definitely can’t get out of this one,” Peter mumbled.

“You’ve got that right. Don’t worry, I’ll take you to go get a nice suit, okay?”

Sighing, he nods, “alright, but I don’t expect to have any fun.”

Chucking, Aunt May rolls her eyes.

“You know I larb you, right?”

“Maaaay.”

A few days later, Aunt May and Peter went out to get a suit like she had promised. It was just a simple black suit, but made him look clean and out of this world gorgeous. He was definitely going to save it for other important events. It’s too fancy to get rid of! Peter had called Ned the night Aunt May had forced him to go to Homecoming, to join him so he wouldn’t be a loner or make a fool of himself. Of course, Ned was ecstatic. He’s been wanting to go to a Homecoming dance since freshman year, even though it wasn’t allowed. However, being Juniors, they were able to attend. Last year, they never went because apparently a Star Wars marathon was much more important, no matter how many times they’ve seen them. So, it’s Ned’s time to shine this Homecoming and he is desperate to make sure Peter has enough fun to want to attend next year as well. Hell, maybe even attend prom? Who knows.

“Isn’t it stupid to go to a dance without a date? This is lame, Ned,” Peter complained, as he closed his locker for the last time today.

“C’mon, Pete. We don’t need dates! We can ride solo together, alright? Please, just go this time with me. I didn’t get to go last year because of you,” Ned accused.

“Y-You said you didn’t want to! What the hell, man?”

“Hey, I just didn’t want you to feel bad. I knew you’d be sitting at home probably watching a sappy romance movie by yourself. You’re lucky I didn’t let that happen,” Ned shot back defensively.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Peter waved, turning around to exit the front of the school.

This is going to be a fucking nightmare.

As Peter is putting the last finishing touches to his slicked back hair, he hears a knock at the door, it probably being Ned.

“Don’t you look handsome, Ned! C’mon in, Peter is almost ready… Right, Peter?!” Aunt May yells to get his attention.

“Coming!” He grudgingly replies.

He exits his room, seeing Ned and Aunt May having a conversation on the couch. However, once Ned see’s you, he perks up from the couch and heads in your direction. Wearing a suit that definitely fits his personality, Peter grins at his friend’s confidence.

“You look great, dude! I dig the tie,” Ned complemented, taking Peter’s tie in his hand.

“Same to you, Ned. Definitely not afraid to try something extravagant,” Peter chuckles.

“Alright, you two. Picture time!” Aunt May sings, swinging a camera in her hands.

Taking a look at each other, Ned and Peter groan loudly.

After being at the dance for a few hours, Ned is off with a couple of other people, Michelle included, dancing on the gym floor. Peter, however, stood there awkwardly for the past few songs, getting glaring looks from Ned. He was an awkward dancer no matter what he did. So instead of making Ned even more frustrated, he decided to go get some punch. As he arrived to the punch table, he saw an array of different foods. As he finishes filling up his punch, he grabs a plate and picks up a few random snacks so he has something to do. Once he’s content with his choices, he finds an empty table to sit at.

Well, this is better than I expected.

I guess…

He thinks, taking a bite of the chocolate loaded brownie.

About 20 minutes later, his plate is empty and he is still sitting at the same table, but this time he’s playing some random game on his phone to kill time. Ned is still kicking it out on the dance floor. Since he feels bad for making Ned go through his struggle with dances, Peter doesn’t push to disturb him.

As you enter into the gym wearing the outfit you’ve been dying to wear all week, you are hit with the smell of sweaty teenagers and the sound of stereotypical school dance music.

These things never change.

You think, with a roll of your eyes.

However, out of the corner of your eye, you see a boy sitting by himself on his phone, probably bored out of his mind. You knew that would probably be you in a few hours, so you felt what this guy was feeling. You wanted to go talk to him, but knowing you, you couldn’t do it. Even just going to this dance was an effort. You’ve never been one to do these sort of things, so getting out of your comfort zone was new to you. As of now, you didn’t like it. You just wanted to go home and snuggle up on the couch, binging a show you’re too far behind on.

Hearing one of your friends try and gain your attention, you realize you’ve been staring at this guy for way too long. Good thing he didn’t look up from his phone. How embarrassing would that be, oh god. Your friend follows your stare, smirking to see your heart eyes at Peter Parker.

“C’mon, let’s go dance!”

Peter’s phone eventually died from playing on it too long, causing him to let out a long, depressing sigh. Ned had stopped by a few times to make sure he was okay and asked if he would come dance, but Peter being himself, declined, knowing that Ned was fully aware of his horrid dance skills. Ned just wants him to have fun, but this is anything but a fun time for Peter.

Getting tired of sitting alone and doing nothing, Peter looks through the crowd to see if he can spot Ned. However, instead of seeing Ned, Peter sees the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on. He swears he stopped breathing for a few seconds. He’s never seen them before…

Look at those eyes…

Man, they’re leaving me helpless at the sight!

Who are they?

He thinks, totally forgetting about finding Ned, instead too entranced by this mysterious person.

Your feet started to ache after a couple of songs, mostly due to your inability to dance. Your friend started to notice you lagging on enthusiasm, so they decided to make a food and drink run with you to boost your momentum. When you both arrived at the table, you were surrounded by several different foods. The desserts grabbed your attention the most as you stacked a few brownies and cookies on top of each other. While you did this, your friend was smirking towards Peter, who has been gazing at you ever since you arrived to the food table. Your friend could sense his longing to talk to you, but was hesitant to do so. They knew Peter and what he was like since they had most of their classes with him. So, your friend decided to do you both a favor.

“Hey, Y/N? I’ll be right back, okay? Load up on some cookies for me!” they exclaimed with a huge smile on their face.

Looking back at them with a stuffed brownie in your mouth, you mumble an ‘okay’ as you see them walk towards the boy you’ve been eyeing all night. Panic suddenly erupts inside of you.

Oh god.

What are they going to do?!

Fuck…

After a couple minutes of anxiously waiting for your friend to return, you down some punch to calm your nerves, which only made them worse as you saw Peter and your friend walk their way to you.

Oh, no no no.

I think I’m going to puke, he’s so cute the closer he gets!

How is that POSSIBLE?!

Please don’t make a fool of yourself, Y/N, please.

Peter tries to control himself, but he can’t. You’re just too cute!

Oh, god.

They looks so cute stuffing their face with food.

How can that be cute?!

Peter’s thoughts are cut off as he see’s your friend make their way towards him with a wide, bright smile on their face.

He recognized your friend since he literally had every class with them, but neither of them had the chance to talk to each other.

“Hey, Peter! How’s it goin’?” they asked, cheerfully.

“O-Oh, uh- it’s going good. How are you?” Peter stutters, confused as to why they are talking to him.

“That’s good, that’s good… I’m doing great! Wanna come with me for a second?” they begin, pulling Peter away from his table before he even has a chance to speak a word.

As Peter and your friend reach the table where you’re at, he begins to gaze at you in even more shock of viewing you up close. He cannot believe he’s never seen you before! If he did, he would never forget your face, that’s for sure.

“Alright, Peter, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Peter. Now, you both have been eyeing each other all night. So, I’m going to leave you two alone. Get to know each other, bye!” they explained, giving Peter and you the biggest smirk as they walked away.

Looking nervously towards you, Peter rubbed the back on his neck, unsure of what to say.

“S-So, uh- would, would y-you like to dance, t-to dance o-or something?” he stuttered, blushing madly since he knew he would make a fool of himself. But he didn’t know what else to do!

You blushed, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, “u-uh, I’m not really much of a dancer. W-Would you maybe want to go hang out s-somewhere?”

Taking a big sigh of relief, Peter nervously smiles, “o-of course. I-I think the library is closed, b-but maybe we can sneak in? Is that okay?”

Seeing your nod of approval, Peter grabs your hand and directs the way to the secret library adventure. Peter couldn’t believe he was doing this with you. Like, holy shit? He just met you and you were already taking his breath away, literally. His heart was beating so loud he thought anyone several miles away could hear it. He didn’t want to fuck this up.

Oh, shit.

I can’t believe this is happening!

He’s so sweet…

I wonder if he can hear my heart beating a million miles a minute?

God, I’m so nervous.

Your thoughts are interrupted by Peter opening the locked library door, surprisingly easy. You both made your way in, making sure to keep the lights off in case anyone came walking by. There was a little light peeking through anyways from the homecoming dance lights. After picking a random aisle to sit down in, you both take a cookie from the monstrous pile you brought along.

“So…” Peter began.

“So…”

Fast forward a few hours later, you and Peter are still in the library talking up a storm about random things. He discovered that you are just of a nerd as he is and you found out how much you both have in common. It was amazing to find someone like him. It’s leaving you helpless at the thought of not being with him. You cannot believe the impact this boy has had on you for the past few hours you’ve known him.

Checking the time, your eyes widen.

“Oh, fuck! It’s almost 1 AM? I need to get home. I’m sorry, Peter,” you apologize, looking at him with nervous eyes.

“O-Oh, right, uh- c-could I maybe, y’know, walk you home?” Peter stutters, adorably.

Blushing madly, you give a nod and a smile.

What is this boy doing to me?!

Walking out of Midtown High, Peter and you walk side by side as you both venture to your apartment only a few blocks away. Out of the corner of his eye, Peter see’s you shivering a bit due to the crisp night air. Slouching the suit jacket off, he gently places it on your shoulders, seeing you instantly cuddle into it. He smiles at the thought of you snuggled up into his arms, absorbing his warmth and comfort.

After a few random, humorous conversations, you both are only a few blocks away from your apartment. You honestly do not want the night to end. It’s been one of the greatest nights you’ve had in a very long time. It’s the same for Peter, too. He’s been a hermit at his apartment with Aunt May for god knows how long. He just never felt like going out. He really only hung out with Ned.

Walking up towards your door, Peter grabs your hand gently.

You look back at him confused. He looks at you nervously before opening and closing his mouth a couple of times.

Taking a big breath, he begins, “I-I just wanted to let you know– let you know that I had a lot of f-fun with you t-tonight. A-And I would love to do it again, if y-you uh– if you want to, that is,” he closes his eyes for a brief moment before continuing, “I-I know I’m not the most athletic, richest, o-or y’know, most attractive guy a-around, but I just think that y-you’re amazing a-and beautiful and a blast to be– to be around. Oh, god. I’m rambling. I-”

Both you and Peter are confronted by your father, who unexpectedly opened the front door.

“Oh, there you are, Y/N. I was just about to ca– who’s this?” your dad questions, looking towards Peter with that intense “dad” stare.

“T-This is Peter, Dad. He walked me home from the dance since it was late…” you replied, glaring at your dad.

“H-Hi, sir. P-Peter, Peter Parker, sir. I-I was just taking Y/N home. Uh-”

“Ah, no worries, kid. Thank you for bringing Y/N home safely. I’ll leave you both to it, alright? But remember, I’m right behind this door,” your Dad warned.

Covering your face with your hands, you groan.

“Alright, thanks. You can leave now!”

Chuckling, he shuts the door behind him, leaving you and Peter in an awkward blushing silence.

‘So…”

“So…”

“Oh, god. Not this again,” Peter says.

Giggling at this awkwardness, you reply, “thank you for tonight, Peter. It really was a dream come true and I’m so glad I met you.”

Taking a bold move at the last second, Peter leans in to peck your cheek ever so softly, bringing a rosy red tint to the both of your cheeks instantly.

“You are the dream, Y/N and I’m helpless without you.”

A/N: I know the POV may be confusing, so I’m sorry about that. I just hate putting “Y/N’s POV,” etc. If it’s hard to understand, let me know. Also I’ve been having a really bad writer’s block, so hopefully this is at least a 3/10 ?? Crossing my fingers *nervous laughter*.

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thatgaylittlefrog · 7 years

Note

Is it too late to request all the TAZ asks

Not at all, my dear anon! (Side note: you should listen to The Adventure Zone if you haven’t already!)

PCs:

Remmy: Love is a motivator - who do you want to make proud?

I’d love to make my family proud. I’m not always on the best terms with them, and I just can’t help but always feel like a disappointment. I know in theory that I make them proud, but I just want to know that they’re proud of me, you know?

Nadiya: Be proud - talk about something you’re good at.

I’d like to think I’m a pretty great singer. I’ve been in the top choirs at my schools for years, and have a good ear for music and can learn it with relative ease. Now if only I could transfer that talent to other instruments..

Irene: You are brave - describe a time you persisted despite your fears.

Just recently I was searching out for spooky places on campus with two dear friends of mine. Now, I’ve had a fear of the dark for as long as I can remember. Don’t get me wrong, it’s gotten better since I was younger. However, it’s started to resurface a bit more lately due to my fascination with horror games. Despite this, I found myself leading them around dark buildings. I felt brave, and had a load of fun with them.

Kardala: You are divine - describe a time you felt free.

Honestly, I’ve felt really free since I’ve started going to college. There’s something about living on your own that really forces you to be independent. Now that I have my own room on campus, I feel even more free. I can choose who I spend my time with and what I spend my time doing. It’s devine, and while I miss my family and friends from home, I just feel like I can finally be who I want to be.

Merle: Even if we forget, we are important - name at least one way you matter.

I’m capable of doing good for so many people. I have rather big plans of being a therapist or a social worker. I’ll do my best to help those in need of it.

Magnus: Don’t always take the big hit - what is your definition of strength?

Truly strong people use what they were given to help others.

Taako: You’re worth more than you think - how do you defy expectations?

I’m much more intelligent, insightful, and friendly than my introverted demeanor lets on.

NPCs:

Lucretia: We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins - what was a time you thought you couldn’t go on, but kept pushing?

Oh heck, I’m about to get a bit vulnerable here. Well, high school was a whole lot of that. I went through a lot of really shitty friendships and just really didn’t feel wanted. Anxiety and depression reared their ugly heads, and have never truly left. There were some points where I just felt so alone that I didn’t want to be alive. I never attempted anything, but I was also so afraid to get help for a long time. Thankfully I got help, and while my depression and anxiety are still with me, I’m equipped to handle it now.

Lup: You are so loved and love in return - gush about at least one sibling, friend, or partner.

I’m going to go ahead and gush about my little sister. We’ve always butted heads with each other, much to my parents dismay. She’s a hard headed little girl with very little filter. She gets into a lot of trouble for it and isn’t always well liked, but I love her and appreciate her so much. She came to my dorm and helped me organize and place all of the new supplies brought for me. She also is the person in my immediate family that’s most accepting of the LGBT community, which is such a tremendous relief. And honestly? I miss her a lot, and I really hope she knows how much I love her. She’s my baby sister, and I won’t let anyone hurt her.

Barry: Home isn’t just a place - recall a joyful reunion.

My first reunion with my pets after leaving for college was joyous. I had gone a month without seeing them, which has been the longest I’ve been away from them. When I first entered the house, the dachshunds were barking at me like I was a stranger. It took them a moment to realize who I was, but when they finally did, loud, excited barking followed. All four of my dogs were equally enthusiastic to see me. My cats even reacted, meowing loudly at me and demanding to be pet. The pets were so excited to see me again that there was a brief moment of peace in which my cats actually tolerated being around our big dog. It wasn’t necessarily a fear of mine, but I’m still glad I wasn’t forgotten.

Davenport: Become the stars you gaze upon - how have you been defined by a journey (literal or metaphorical)?

I’d describe my realization of my bisexuality as a journey. I’ve come a long way from when I was first questioning it, but I still have a way to go. Still, I’m much more comfortable with this aspect of myself. I still need to face coming out to my family though, so we’ll have to see how well that goes.

Angus: Adoration might be hidden - describe a time you felt loved or appreciated.

Last month I went back for a birthday party of a friend of mine. It was at the theatre I used to work at, so I got to see a lot of old coworkers of mine. Plus, going into the theatre to be greeted by a huge group of people happy to see me again was just incredibly reassuring.

Kravitz: It’s never too late - what makes you feel alive?

Honestly, being outside. This can be hard to do when it’s so damn cold out, but even now I just find myself invigorated by the sunlight and fresh air. I feel like I’m at my best when I’m outside. I’m pretty much a plant.

Julia: No battle is forever - what is your happy ending?

Oh heck man. I suppose in a perfect world, I’d like to have a secure job and settle down with someone I love. I’d love to have kids if possible, but if not definitely some dogs. Dogs are a must in any happy ending of mine.

Johann: You will not be erased - what do you want to be remembered for?

I want to be remembered for the good I did. I don’t have any religious beliefs, so I really just want to be a good person for the sake of being a good person. There’s so much pain and suffering in the world. I want to do my best to help combat it, even if it’s just in small ways.

Arcs:

Commitment: Don’t give up - what are you committed to?

I’m really committed to getting my education. A year ago going to a four year college didn’t seem to be on the table, yet here we are. I don’t want to waste this opportunity.

Here There Be Gerblins: Embrace nostalgia - what was your first encounter with a loved one?

Ohh this is a doozy. I have a best friend from home. This friend has been in my life since the fourth grade. Now, I’ve always been a bit of a socially awkward little nerd, so I was going around my computer class asking everyone if they played Wizards 101. She was the only one to say yes. What started out as a person I played Wizards 101 with grew into my oldest friend. I miss her dearly, and wish I could see her more than I do now.

Moonlighting: Tomorrow is a new day - when have you begun a brighter chapter of life?

Honestly, college. I went through a pretty bad breakup at the end of my senior year that took me awhile to get over. College was a fresh start, a clean slate, a chance to forge myself. I’m super involved here, getting good grades, and have made some amazing friends here. So yeah, I’d say things are definitely looking up.

Murder on the Rockport Limited: Not everything is clear - how do you feel about mysteries?

I’m open to them! I like the challenge of trying to solve them, so long as they aren’t spoiled for me. Then it can just be frustrating.

Petals to the Metal: Sometimes we need to let loose - when have you done something you shouldn’t have because it made you happy?

Over Thanksgiving Break. It was my first time really sneaking out late. Now, if it’s all the same with you, I’d rather not go into any more detail.

Crystal Kingdom: There is more to existence than we could ever imagine - discuss.

Humans can’t even begin to fathom just how small we are in the grand scheme of things. We haven’t even fully explored the Amazon Rainforest or the Ocean. Beyond our planet is the vast universe, which we haven’t even begun to explore. It’s just so exciting because in the expanse of space there is most likely life elsewhere. We have no idea what else is out there, and at this rate, we never may.

The Eleventh Hour: There is relief in letting go - write about it.

So… That aforementioned breakup. I had dated this guy for most of my high school experience. We broke up because he lost feelings for me and he didn’t want to date anyone in college. Nine days later he’s dating a new girl. I was hurt. I was angry. For the longest time I thought he cheated on me, and just questioned what was wrong with me. I’ve gotten the chance to talk to him since then, and he didn’t cheat on me. I forgave him for what happened, and I’m doing my best to be on good terms with him again.

The Suffering Game: This too shall pass - how are you stronger for your struggles?

High school sucked. I’ve talked about this in a previous question. I survived it though. And because I survived it, I’ve learned how to cope and combat it. I’ve grown from it. It still really fucking sucked though.

Reunion Tour: Everything can change in seconds - what is your definition of trust?

I suppose trust is allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a person. Letting down your walls and opening up to somebody else. It is so exhausting when you don’t have anybody you can trust. You always need to have your defenses up and never can really be real with people.

The Stolen Century: Bonds have power - who do you consider family, and why?

Well, there’s obviously my family, but they’re far away from me. I’ve found my own family here. I have a support system here, and some good friends who I consider family. (the found family trope is the best trope.)

Story and Song: You’re going to fight and you’re going to win - how or why?

Because there’s still horrible inequality and injustice in this world. Because there are people around the world who struggle to survive day to day. Because it’s my responsibility as a caring human being to fight against inequality.

Goofy:

Tom: “That one was called… Wizard Shout” - tell us about a time you hilariously failed at hiding something.

I ordered twenty dollars worth of stickers. Most of the stickers were McElroy based, and pretty.. Eccentric. For whatever reason, my computer had my neighbor’s address saved in it. So, my stickers went to my neighbors how

Lenny: “You may remember, you subscribed to the cylinder of the month club” - what is something you are well-known (or notorious) for?

Among my family, my crazy liberal ideals. Among my friends, my horrible jokes consisting of both memes and puns.

Troth: “Go home and pray for sunrise” - when have you said something badass?

The only things I can think of are the times I’ve basically told customers to fuck off in my customer service dialect. It usually goes something like “Well, I’m very sorry you felt that way. I hope you can have a good day after this” Customer service is so passive aggressive. It’s excruciating at the time, but it makes for some excellent stories after.

Tres Horny Boys: “Nobody ever say that out loud ever again please” - what is your worst nickname?

Probably Gabbus, although my friend called me Babby today so that takes the cake.

Team Sweet Flips: “Me and Carey and a robot ghost with a gun arm, fuck yeah” - if you and your friends had a spin-off show, what would it be called?

I have two groups. One is Tales and Tights, while the other is Two and a Half Men.

Reapers: “ARE YOU AFRAID?” / “Merle, it’s me, Pan” / “Also! Greg Grimauldis-” - do you have a flair for the dramatic?

I’ll sometimes get into bits with friends where we just go off citing quotes from some shared pop culture interest. I also have had a few good one liners. One of my friends has been keeping track of funny things our group says. He’s an angel and I appreciate him greatly.

Magic Brian: “Haello haello welcoeme to my caeve” - do you have any unique speech patterns?

Ooohhh dear. Yeah. Apparently I have a horrendous Minnesotan accent, so I over pronounce my os. This habit intensifies when I’m made fun of for it. (You have not lived until you’ve been cussed out by someone with a heavy Minnesotan accent)

Jenkins: “…aaaand he misses by a country mile” - are you any good at planning?

I try my best at it. But damn, I’m indecisive. To help combat this I’ve been keeping a planner.

Marvey: “Well, let’s see if I can make a mark in that book on myâ€“ in myâ€“ hey, fuck you!” - are you any good at comebacks?

I’d like to think I’m a pretty witty person. As of late it seems that most of my comebacks are positive in nature, and lift my friends up. I can still sass with the best of them, though.

Garfield: “Do you like deals?” - describe a time you expertly negotiated.

I was able to convince my parents to let me stay at my significant other’s house in high school, which felt like quite the feat at the time.

Lunar Interlude: “I hand Leon the token” - how do you make your friends laugh?

With my excessive use of stupid jokes, memes, and puns. *finger guns*

Fantasy WWE: “I Morco [guitar sting]” - describe your wrestlesona.

(NOTE: it is past 1 and I am weary) I’d be the gingerbread man. Enough said.

Camp Goodfriend: “You guys know you earned a teamwork penalty for that one, right?” - do you work well with others?

I pull my own weight and keep group morale up when I’m working with others. I don’t like having other people carry me, and would prefer to carry my own weight.

Neverwinter High: “Magnus, it’s another day of high school! Taako and Merle, you immediately realize something horrible has gone wrong” - how observant are you relative to others? Has this led to any goofy situations?

I’m good at reading emotions. I can usually tell when someone isn’t feeling well and will ask them about it in a safe space. However, I cannot for the life of me interpret when someone is being flirty or friendly with me. Just recently, this led to me thinking of a coffee outing with someone I was interested in as a date. These hopes were shattered when she told me about her new partner. So yeah… It’s hard navigating this stuff.

Tomb of Horrors: “I expected you to catch a fucking fish in the fish minigame!” - when has something gone ridiculously off the rails? Were you the derailer, the voice of reason, or a bystander?

As the Mom Friend, I try to be the voice of reason in most scenarios. Sometimes though, it is out of my hands, and all I can do is sit back and watch the disaster unfold.

#the ginger snapped #asks

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